#i am aware of following a narrative i can see she grew up
Text
never making a joke about bo-katan again until the star wars fandom develops a sense of humor
#why do SO many people think i was seriously criticizing her when i made a joke about her being a part of the infighting#like apparently that means i’m incapable of critical thinking and understanding character growth#like im sorry my sense of humor is better than yalls and i thought that bo-katan ‘ex terrorist that helped maul take over’ kryze#saying no fighting was funny as fuck#i am aware of following a narrative i can see she grew up#leave me ALONE#i dont need anymore professors in my notes going well ACTUALLY 🤓
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Life in the Shadows (Michael Myers x Reader)
I know I never really got back into writing because I never really got back the motivation after certain things happened. But hey, I started this fic who knows when ago and actually got the motivation to finish it. Hopefully it’s good, I kinda just skimmed thorugh it because I have a hard time reading my own writings and like I said, a good portion of this was written a good while ago and the rest is what I wrote recently. Anyways, have some Michael Myers
Plot: Michael Myers has his eye set on a person he met during his time at Smith’s Grove. Takes place after the second Halloween movie, with a fewe things changed to fit the narrative.
Word Count: 4,866
Warnings: Not much really, mentions of n*dity but nothing explicit. The usual stalking from Michael, mentions of killing obviously. Loomis being Loomis.
The face of Halloween was now nothing more than a white veneer, a haunting sight to any that lay eyes upon it.
Fifteen years ago, not very many felt the terror they started to feel just a week ago. Fifteen years ago, it was nothing but a young boy and his deceased sister. Fifteen years ago, nobody would have expected such a Halloween.
“Thirteen murders in two days. On Halloween night, twenty-one year old Michael Myers escaped from Smiths Grove Sanitarium before stealing from a local hardware store in quiet Haddonfield.”
Michael Myers, that was the name that escaped so many fifteen years ago but ceased soon after when nobody no longer cared.
“At just six years old Michael Myers murdered his elder sister Judith Myers in cold blood, his lust for blood growing the following fifteen years. This past Halloween, only a single of the escapee’s victims survived the attack. Seventeen year old Laurie Strode remains in Haddonfield Memorial Hospital, nearly recovered from the physical and emotional trauma the so-called ‘Boogeyman’ inflicted on her.”
And even this time, their fear grew into a void once a secret was revealed to the public. Nobody feared the Boogeyman; what was there to worry about when they were not who he was after?
“After having survived the home invasion, Strode had to endure yet another attack from the masked fiend who followed her to the hospital the same night. Whilst there, Myers murdered nine people in the hospital, adding on to the previous four. In the end, Strode survived the massacre when Myers’ psychologist arrived to shoot him down and burn him in the hospital’s oxygen room.”
Word spread around. Word that there was another member in the Myers’ family, that only she was the one the murderer was after.
“But in the end, no charred body was recovered.”
Little had the people known, the Shape had his eye on more than one.
“Only a week has gone by but Haddonfield still asks, what could have happened to this malicious hunter?”
Void-like eyes stared through the open window, standing in place with hands laying at each side. Heavy breathing was heard behind the mask, only coming near would allow people to hear such breaths.
Eyes cared not for those that sat on the other side of the glass, sitting on their couch ever so…vulnerable.
Oblivious.
Helpless.
Naive.
The shape stood in place, eyes staring into the television set in front of them. On it, the picture of a young blonde, the picture taken after the second attack.
Head soon turned before its body followed, calmly striding down a self-made path through the backyard of these unknowing residents who never realized there was someone watching their every move for more than a few minutes.
The streets of Orange Grove Avenue was nothing but an empty street, nobody in sight unless it was very necessary to go out. Even without the lack of fear, most preferred that their children would remain at home. Adults thought the same for themselves, thoughts plagued with the idea of accidentally coming across a bloody sight that would end with them as a murdered witness.
Through hedges and trees strolled the figure, never noticed by those who peeked through their closed curtains. The voids of his mask stared straight ahead, eventually looking to the side when their head finally turned.
From behind a tree, the shape stalked the source from whence a sound was heard.
A door opened to reveal another shape, one whose hand tightly clutched onto a worn out satchel before she gently set it on the ground. Hand now reached into the pocket of her jacket, making sure that nothing was forgotten back inside her home, nodding in satisfaction once she pulled out her keys.
The shape stood in the distance, keeping a calm yet very attentive stance as he concealed himself with a tree across the street from the home he watched. He saw the person fumble a bit with her pocket, shaking soon ceasing before she lifted her head ever so slowly.
Eyes glanced to the left and then the right, head now being the one to move while an uneasy feeling overcame her. A deep feeling of trepidation soon hit when her eyes landed on the tree standing in the distance, half of a man’s body revealed with a face so pale it looked unreal in her perspective.
Once again, a shock came when she felt a vibration and heard a jingle, making her look down at her jacket where her phone rang.
She pulled out the phone before answering it, placing it against her ear while looking back up at the tree. Nothing nor anybody stood there, leaving that uneasy feeling while she now shut and locked the door to then make her way to her car.
Before actually starting it, she turned to look behind, seeing nothing again. So, with her phone on its holder, she started the car and drove away, never realizing that darkened eyes were watching from a distance.
_____________
In an isolated property where only light hit stood the shape, behind a fence that no longer proved to serve its purpose. Through it he watched an empty field with nothing but tables for those cursed inside to sit whenever breaks were given. Beyond this empty space was the large building that could have never contained him.
He walked alongside the fence, turning to the right when he reached the building’s other perimeter. From his location, he saw her again.
This time, the person wore a badge on her jacket as she got out of her car. With her satchel once again in her hand, she locked the car before making her way through the parking lot until reaching the sidewalk that would lead her to the front entrance of the building. Before continuing, however, she paused her walking to look at the sign reading a damaged “Smith’s Grove Sanitarium”. With a shake of her head, she followed the path before finally walking into the building.
Behind some bushes, the shape watched it all until the person was no more behind darkened glass. He stood there, breaths now soft as she allowed the sound of his heart pumping hard with adrenaline. It was always said that the shape felt nothing, he was but a vessel containing evil alone. But somehow, there was something in him that not even the “best” of psychologists could discover in such a being.
“Looking into those eyes alone is dangerous enough.”
“Why is that?”
“They are the devil’s eyes. There is nothing but evil behind them.”
Such words were enough to make one turn, though the sound of voices coming from outside were also sufficient.
In a room deep inside the corridors of Smith’s Grove was a bed. To the surprise of many it proved to be one of the tidiest beds ever; sheets never undone save for a few wrinkles every now and then.
On the bed sat the patient not many dared near, the story of what he did years back sending chills down the staff’s spines.
“D…devil’s eyes? Dr. Loomis, you can’t be serious. I’ve heard all kinds of things from you, but this is new.”
From the bed, the patient listened ever so attentively, yet he did so without a care in the world. Eyes stared into the nothingness of the white wall before him while his body remained still and hunched over.
The jingling of keys sounded outside of the room, the sound loud enough to echo through the ever so silent hallways of the sanitarium. Soon enough the creaking of the room’s door followed; in the doorway stood two figures who silently peered inside.
One remained on the spot while the other immediately strode in without a care, ignoring the slight worry he had inside. A worry not about him necessarily, but more like the one he had for others such as the person who had accompanied him, and the ones who ran the sanitarium without any concern.
“Michael.” The man now stood at the foot of the bed, staring at the patient sitting on the bed.
The patient never bothered to look any other way, eyes fixated on the wall . Almost as if he wasn’t seeing it…instead, looking past it.
Even then, the man knew that he was aware of his guests.
“Maybe you should leave.”
“Excuse me?” the doctor turned to the doorway, still keeping his distance from the patient who, in the slightest and unnoticable bit, turned his head to the side.
“I’m just saying, I’ve seen that Michael doesn’t exactly…” the other person took a step inside, glancing over at the patient. “React when you’re around.”
“I am the only one in this sanitarium who can approach Michael without being injured.” Loomis now stepped towards her, once again not realizing that the patient’s head had turned even more. “I am his doctor and you are nothing but a temporary transfer.”
“I know-”
“You are in no place to be telling me what to do with Myers.” Loomis sternly spoke, then reaching a hand out to the other individual who turned away with a sigh. “Where are the others?”
“They’re on their way.” she spoke as she handed a clipboard over to the psychiatrist that immediately looked over the papers in hand.
“Once they’re here, you may excuse yourself.”
“What?”
“Did I stutter?” Loomis’ frown deepened.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“Is that so?”
“My purpose is to examine Michael because your incompetent ass can’t do so.”
Now this had noticeably riled up Loomis who had unconsciously turned his back on his patient, the latter still ever so slightly paying attention to the conversation.
“I know you don’t like working with me Loomis, I learned that along the way. I point out the reality while you continue to insist on foolish tales only a man like you can spin.” the person spat at the elderly man who could not believe the way he was being spoken to. “My tasks threaten your job, even if I only do the medical work. A man like you deserves and could land a spot in an institution such as this one with your lunatic rambles. So either step down and let me do my job, or I’ll have a chat of my own with the administration.”
Loomis could only eye this…unfortunate individual. Examining the as if he were examining a patient of his, looking for any flaws he could spur into a tale of demons and evil. To him, this temporary associate was no more than a burden in between him and Michael. Him and the Devil himself, waiting to unleash hell.
He began making his way out of the room, but not before he glanced back at Michael who had clearly been staring at the white of his room’s walls this entire time. Not a single care or thought in the world.
“I’ll have you packing your things before you even know it.” he promised while slamming the clipboard onto the nurse’s chest, lips near her ear as she stepped away from him, realizing that the other staff had come by. For the first time since Michael had been incarcerated, Loomis didn’t bother to remain in the room.
“Alright Mikey,” one of the two guards that arrived spoke out. “You know how this goes.”
The apparent leader of the pair had handcuffs ready, these being placed on Michael’s wrists as he made it seem like he still stared at the wall.
Michael ignored every word and action that came from the guards, eyes instead focused on the staff member who was still in the room. Brown locks concealed his dark gaze, eyes following her fingers that reached into the pocket of her uniform trousers. From it, a pen was pulled out.
Pen and paper now connected as the nurse wrote notes, or perhaps random scribbles due to her not being much to report at the moment.
It was a rather funny pen. A fountain pen is what it was. Somewhat girthy, made out of cheap plastic. Pink.
One of the only pieces of color Michael ever really saw inside the sanatorium, the only other times being when Loomis conducted certain examinations or when Michael was fed.
Black ink spilled from the pen and onto the paper, nothing more than a tool to further his years in this building. Black ink that came from this funny little pen, providing the only tint of life in the darkness of these white walls that caged Michael.
Black ink…spilling…merging with the warm crimson from inside the skin. It was almost lovely, the thought of a brightly colored tool, impaling the soft skin of this particular caretaker.
“You ready, doc?”
“It’s nurse.” Michael’s staring was interrupted as he felt hands grab onto his arms, hoisting him up from the bed before he nearly came face to face with his nurse. “And yes, we can take him now. Loomis should be waiting for us, if he hasn’t decided to throw a fit in his office.”
“You and the old guy don’t care much for each other, huh?” a guard spoke up as she followed behind the nurse, Michael sandwiched between the men who led him through the halls.
“I don’t care for any so-called psychologist who runs his mouth like a madman. I don’t think he’s qualified to be a psychologist.”
“Uh huh.” one of the guards replied, the words not having gone through his head properly, as he was another one of the many members who worked without giving a damn about the environment they surrounded themselves in.
“Loomis is a bitch, to put it simple.” the nurse rolled her eyes, hearing the jingling of keys that came from the guards as well as the cuffs that contained Michael. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing, can’t properly care for a patient. I don’t know how he even takes care of himself.”
No more words came from any of the staff as her and Michael’s footsteps echoed through the empty hallways she walked through. Were it not for the continuous jingling, one could have even come to hear Michael’s breaths.
“What now?”
“Michael takes a seat, and we wait for Loomis. You two can leave once he’s here, unless he instructs otherwise.” the nurse scanned the empty room where only a metallic table and two chairs sat in the middle. Behind one of the chairs was a large mirror, one that obviously served for watching whatever interaction occurred inside. It only showed how not-so credible Loomis’ objections were.
“Actually,” a new voice sounded, making everyone but Michael look to the open door, for another nurse had come by. “I will be staying in your place for a moment. You’re needed elsewhere.”
“Where, exactly? I can’t leave Michael alone with a nurse he’s not used to seeing.”
“I doubt he’ll care much about the change.” this other nurse stated as she made her way into the room, reaching out to grab the clipboard. “The higher ups just want to have a quick conversation.”
“It’s because of Loomis, isn’t it? That bastard.”
“Just deal with it quickly, I have other patients that actually need attending.”
“Alright, just…”
Michael had been seated in the chair opposite from the mirror on the wall, cuffed hands forcibly placed on the table in front of him as his head remained lowered.
“Just treat him right. Please.”
“Sure thing.” the nurse uttered, watching the other walk out of the room.
“What, is someone catching feelings for little ol’ Mikey?” one of the guards snickered once she was out of sight, the two guards chuckling among themselves while the remaining nurse rolled her eyes.
“Hope not, could send her back to the hospital she came from. Even then, dunno what anyone would see in a crazy like Myers.”
And all the while the staff paid no mind to the patient, Michael had actually turned his head.
Eyes looked to the empty and open doorway, almost as if waiting for his nurse to return.
With eyes fixated on the building, the shape now watched as the main doors opened once more. From the doors came the nurse, not having spent much time inside. If she had spent this little in the building on a night she were meant to work, something had changed.
He watched from a distance, taking notice of the lack of Smith’s Grove badge. He didn’t have to eavesdrop on any conversation to know what had gone on.
There was no intention of hiding himself this time, but he also didn’t care if his presence was made known. All that mattered was her, watching every move as she trudged down the sidewalk with her satchel tightly grasped into.
Despite the distance between the two, it was almost as if this nurse- former nurse could feel him breathing right behind her neck.
She ceased her walking, nails now digging into her bag as she scanned her surroundings, feeling eyes on her…
Beyond the yards of Smith’s Grove Sanitarium, beyond the fence surrounding the perimeter, her eyes met with the darkest eyes, ever so slightly shaded from the light. Or at least, that was what her eyes saw, somehow being able to make out…
“The Devil’s Eyes.” he read her lips murmur, spoken in complete disbelief.
He remained in place, body as stiff as ever as he only…examined, just like she did to him many times.
Was it a figment of her imagination? Was Michael Myers, the now so-called Boogeyman, really just…watching?
Whatever the answer, he saw her hurriedly threading to the parking lot, immediately finding her vehicle which she hopped into after struggling to find her keys. Once inside, she wasted no more time, her next destination being home.
_____________
She wasn’t up to very much. She was merely…sitting.
Eating.
Thinking.
Thinking more than him no doubt, especially as he stood by the window that led into the brightly lit kitchen. Eyes stared into the glass, watching the individual who did nothing but sit with a slice of bread in hand. In the other, a rather large kitchen knife, the first one that she had pulled out from her knife block.
She was clearly unbothered by things, but there was still a sort of affliction present on her features.
He watched her bite into the piece of bread she had cut for herself, ever so slowly chewing the bit. her lips, moisturized with a lick of her lips that rid of all the tiny crumbs that even he was able to perceive from the distance he stood at.
He never blinked, merely watched with an intensity that brought a chill down her spine.
Her eyes widened at the strange feeling of being watched, whipping her head around as she searched for a possible answer. But just like every other time, there was nothing or nobody that could have been keeping an eye on her.
“I’m going insane…” she mumbled to herself, setting down her piece of bread before pushing her seat out to stand and approach the kitchen sink. In her hand was the knife, this being washed up immediately, ever so carefully.
It gleamed under the kitchen’s light, almost making a sound as if it were a sword drawn from its scabbard.
“This was all it took.”
A kitchen knife was all it took to take the many lives of many innocents. A kitchen knife that glinted under almost anything. A kitchen knife that reflected dark pools of that made one stare into oblivion.
Once again, she spun around, this time in a panic. Through the knife she had seen the white veneer, staring right back at her with such vehemence. But alas, just like every time, nothing stood at the window, it was clearly only a figment of her imagination. Nothing but an apparition.
“I’ve heard wondrous things about you.”
“Oh, I doubt that. I’m just like any other nurse. I’m sure anyone else could do this job.”
“You’re too humble. I’ve heard about your handling of Billy and, it’s impressed me and other nurses.”
Smith’s Grove Sanitarium, you weren’t sure why an institution such as this one specifically requested someone with your expertise. Someone apparently “perfectly skilled” as a nurse, whatever that meant. It was one of the staff members who had desired a nurse such as yourself, a nurse who would be personally assigned to Michael Audrey Myers.
“And…what is so, special, about this patient?”
“If I’m being honest, I’m not entirely sure.” your new but temporary supervisor, Dr. Wynn, admitted as he walked you down the corridors of the sanitarium. “Myers’ primary psychologist, Dr. Samuel Loomis, is particularly…wary.”
“Of his own patient? I mean, I can understand but, aren’t patients like Michael restrained?”
“That’s not it. Samuel apparently sees something in Michael. Believes there is no redeeming, that Michael is only…waiting.”
“For…?”
“I don’t know, Samuel’s lectures tend to disturb me and some of the other staff at times. We don’t always pay much attention to his rants.” the man gave a shrug, turning on his heel as he and you made it to a door that was marked with a sign reading “M. MYERS”. “We worry that because of this apprehension, that he doesn’t properly care for Michael. We can’t exactly have a patient pass due to lack of care.”
“Of course.”
“You see,” he held his breath for a moment, soon enough releasing it. “Samuel doesn’t view Michael as a human being. Has made many suggestions already, but we don’t see Michael posing as the threat he believes he is.”
You nodded at these words, having seen similar stories as you grew up.
“Anyways, I’d formally like to introduce you to Michael.”
The white door disappeared from your view after being unlocked and opened, revealing a young male who was merely…sitting.
“Michael, I’d like you to meet your new, personal nurse…”
Words became nothing as your eyes landed on this man who sat at the edge of his bed, back curved as he leaned and looked forwards. Thick, chocolate curls hid the eyes that peered at the empty wall, almost as if they examined every inch of paint.
Hands were placed on his knees as the tips of his fingers dug into the cloth of his ivory pants. He seemed so tense, yet so calm somehow. There was no change in his staring as he never lifted his gaze, only listening to the words that spewed from the staff’s lips.
“Every day from now on, you will be seeing her. She is here for your every need.”
You snapped back to your senses after feeling a hand clasp onto your shoulder, making you turn to Dr. Wynn who gave you a comforting smile.
“Right,” you offered a minimal smile before turning back to Michael who had still not moved. Not a single bit. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Michael. I look forward to helping you as best as I can.”
“I’ll make sure to have you introduced to Samuel after I chat with you in my office.”
“Sounds good.” you slightly nodded, giving Michael one last look before finally stepping out of the room. “See you soon.”
Dr. Wynn followed suit, closing the door the moment he had stepped out as well. Had he taken even the quickest peek into the miniature window that was on the door, he would have noticed the glance Michael had given you.
Nobody ever noticed these small things. Not even you.
Coming back to reality, she shook her head just a bit. Perhaps it was the sleep that was getting to her.
Putting out of mind the slight scare she had just experienced, she turned her attention back to the empty kitchen sink. There were no more dishes, all wet and clean on the drying rack. All but…the kitchen knife.
Had she misplaced it? No, how could she have so easily lost a knife while lost in her own thoughts?
“Weird,” she spoke to herself, now realizing that the large knife lay at the end of the counter. “I don’t remember leaving it there.”
All the doors and windows were locked, she made sure to check every single thing more than once if there really was a danger lurking around. Perhaps she did leave the knife at the end of the counter, perhaps it was during her slight moment of remembering.
He saw her shake her head, putting aside her thoughts and worries after taking the knife and placing it inside its appropriate spot. Soon after, she removed her top and made her way out of the kitchen, the shape following suit as best as he could-
-inside the home.
After the top was removed, her jeans were next once she was in the bathroom of her house.
A heat formed in the room as she turned the knob of her shower, warm water raining over the empty floor of the bathtub. The sound of the water hitting the floor sufficed in hiding his footsteps, his deep breathing.
He easily went unnoticed, dark eyes fixated on the woman as she removed the rest of her clothing. Eyes admired every curve of her now bare body, taking notes of every bit and piece of skin. So soft. So warm. So…exposed and unguarded.
There was nothing more than glass doors that divided him and her; a pair of doors being the only thing standing between him and his prey. His head became tilted at the sound of her voice, a song from another time escaping her lips as she sang to herself, never realizing that she had an uninvited audience.
Her body in full view through the glass, only slightly distorted by the glass’ design.
His fists clenched as he was filled with an impulse, an unwavering ardor as he studied her every move.
She ran her hands over her body, almost as if caressing herself, massaging her own knots out. Hands dragged themselves over her thighs, fingers digging into them as she squeezed to provide comfort and relief. The warm, hot water almost provided a feeling of…safety.
A safety that could be interrupted at any moment by anything.
Her fingers were entangled in her locks of hair, soap threatening to fall into her eyes that she immediately shut.
It was almost as if he sensed this, stepping towards the glass doors as his heavy breaths created a foggy effect, breathing almost becoming desperate at the proximity between the two figures. His own clothed skin, so near her nude form; almost touching. Sultry flesh that he had all to himself. Flesh who’s scent he inhaled deeply, registering the smell into his system.
It was just the two of them, and that was how he desired it.
The shower knob was soon turned as the water turned off, the only sound in the entire house being the droplets from her hair and chin dripping onto the wet flooring. Once she wiped the remaining water from her face, she properly opened her eyes to look into the emptiness of her bathroom. The scathing water had fogged up all the glass inside the bathroom, hiding the fading imprint of large hands that had been placed on the glass doors.
_____________
Hours had gone by as he remained inside the house, haunting the halls like a phantom with no trace. It was almost ridiculous, foolish even, that the man was not once noticed.
Not even as he stood at her bedside.
A slumber befell the woman not too long after she lay in bed. Once changed into a set of comfortable nightwear, she promptly brought her exhausted form into bed. In front of her was a television, still powered on after hours of watching the leftover Halloween specials.
Her body was curled up against her pillow, eyes softly shut as her chest moved with every breath.
The vulnerability present was ever so tantalizing.
Large, strong hands were slowly lifted, inching closer and closer to the woman’s unsuspecting figure. His hands moved on impulse, wanting to latch onto her neck. Wanting to squeeze her throat awake. Wanting to have her eyes shoot open as she reacted too late. Wanting to have the life drained out of her body with every squeeze.
How quick and easy it would have been to overpower her. Suffocate her. Slice her. Thrust her own gleaming blade into her chest to spill the crimson liquid he had come to see so often.
“Michael…”
His breathing deepened even more at the sound of his name, lips breathing out the name of the Devil himself without realizing the consequence. Out of instinct, almost, one of his large hands brought itself onto her exposed leg, stroking the skin with an unexpected gentleness.
Immediately removing his hand, his head gave one final tilt before he took his time spinning around. His eyes landed on the television set that only presented its viewers with nothing but static.
Something had told him it was best to switch it off before officially making his way out.
55 notes
·
View notes
Note
give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man
(0) (2) (3) (4)
okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.
buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.
1. A as the Player Character
Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.
Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.
I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.
I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.
Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.
The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.
The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.
Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."
2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind
So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?
Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.
Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.
This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.
So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:
First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."
Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."
Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.
But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?
And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?
3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage
No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.
Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.
While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.
After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.
In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.
Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!
This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.
This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.
In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?
Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.
4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance
A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.
This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.
Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.
Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.
But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.
Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!
Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.
By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.
The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.
As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.
5. The Sephirah as ghosts
Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.
As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.
And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.
This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.
The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.
So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.
But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.
(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)
6. A's end.
A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.
A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)
So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.
This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.
However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.
Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.
At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.
This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.
Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.
#Feli gets asked#lobotomy corporation#ayin#library of ruina#also i saw apparently another fandom besides lc uses the ayin tag which is just fun to watch honestly#many characters could rival this word vomit probably but as i said i already inflicted most of my thoughts abt netz on my good pal borgor#thank you borgor for dragging me back into projmoon stuff. also curse you terribly#long post#Feli speaks
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
New Ways of Turning into Stone, Chapter 5
A/N Sorry for the long break between chapters. As some of you might have seen from my Tumblr blog, I’ve been off on vacation these past two weeks. Plus, when I felt the urge to write, it was my new Vaquero AU that kept calling to me (21,000 words and counting!), rather than this fic. Which is probably a good argument for why I don’t like to post WIPs. In any event, here is the next chapter some of you have been asking for, entitled Third Appointment. Be careful what you wish for. Angst ahead, plus a trigger warning for infertility trauma, miscarriage.
The first four chapters are available on my AO3 page.
The Thursday after her impromptu encounter with Jamie and his niece at the Royal Hospital for Children, Claire woke with a strange twisting pain in her gut. Skipping breakfast, she was halfway to her office before she diagnosed herself with an acute case of nerves, the kind that sprouted between her lungs and ribcage like a vestigial organ whose sole purpose was to unsettle her.
She wasn’t in the habit of meeting patients outside of the clinical confines of her practice, but it was more than that. Jamie had caught her in a moment of weakness, with both her personal and professional armour missing. What he might have seen and how he could have interpreted it had occupied her thoughts ever since.
Eating lunch was out of the question. By the time two o’clock approached, her insides were a buzzing hornets’ nest of anxiety, her palms clammy with sweat. A half-empty bottle of Xanax called to her from the bottom of her purse. Before she could weigh the implications of taking one at work on an empty stomach, Jamie’s familiar knock intervened.
She could tell as soon as he entered that Maggie hadn’t needed a transfusion that week. His russet curls shone like garnets in the midday sun and his uncanny eyes glittered like sapphires. Still, he avoided looking directly her way as he settled into his usual chair, and she wondered if the overlap of their personal and professional lives had left him feeling unnerved as well.
“No wheat grass smoothie,” he commented, his gaze running over her desk.
“No, I didn’t have time for lunch today.” It was a blatant falsehood, since she’d spent her lunch hour picking her cuticles until they bled, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Ye should eat more, Sassen..., Doctor Beauchamp. Ye canna help anyone else if ye’re no’ properly nourished.” She caught the slip, and for some reason it angered her.
“Is this your attempt to negotiate a reduction in your fees, Jamie? Dietary advice in return for counselling? Because if so, I’m afraid I don’t bill on the barter system,” she snapped, despising her churlish tone.
Jamie’s eyes narrowed, then dimmed. Message received, he sat up straighter in the armchair and crossed a foot over his knee, assuming a position of poised and detached calm that had no doubt served him well during business negotiations. She regrouped by pretending to glance at her journal for the notes from their previous session, although the space next to his name was accusingly blank.
Boundaries thus defined, the session went surprising well. Jamie spoke of his relief that Maggie’s latest round of chemotherapy was over, allowing her to return home and to some semblance of a regular life for a child of six. Claire coaxed him gently towards the topic of his overwhelming guilt for abandoning his family when he was most needed. Jamie processed pain through the recounting of stories, coming to terms with his self-decreed transgression by weaving together the tale of those he loved and pointing to the holes his absence had caused.
As his resonant voice spun its web of words, Claire became aware of an underlying hum. At first it was subtle, like the mumble of traffic from a far-off motorway. But as their hour together ticked by, it grew in strength until she could no longer ignore the buzz that pressed against her from all directions.
“... saw that it was really Jenny and Ian who I was... Claire? Doctor Beauchamp, are ye well?” Jamie was watching her with concern, and she realized she’d been shaking her head, trying to dislodge the omnipresent hum.
“Yes, I’m... yes. Sorry. Just a funny noise that’s... Please, continue.” When Jamie didn’t immediately pick up the thread of his narrative, she tried again. “You were saying something about Jenny and Ian?”
Instead of continuing his previous thought, Jamie picked that moment to broach the topic she’d desperately hoped he would avoid.
“I hope ye’re no’ upset about the other day, at the hospital. I didna mean tae impose or tae... o’erstep the bounds of our relationship. No’ that we have a relationship, mind,” he hastened to add. “Only a professional one. But when I saw ye, I couldna resist introducing ye tae wee Maggie. I hadna told ye about her yet, and I thought...”
“Jamie, it’s fine,” she cut in, halting his rambling explanation. “She’s a lovely girl. They all are. It’s only that, I’m sort of...”
“Ye’re verra good with them. Children, that is. Ye’ll make a fine mother one day.”
All the oxygen left the room at once. Her heart beat so hard there was a bruised feeling behind her sternum. Launching to her feet, Claire stumbled blindly away from her desk. She wanted to run, to scream, but her vision was a narrow chasm and a now-deafening throb filled her ears. She only made it a few steps before her knees buckled and the carpet floated upwards to meet her.
“Ifrinn!” Jamie leapt to her side, catching her by the shoulders before her head could hit the floor. He lowered them both carefully to the ground, resting her body against his lap. “Sassenach? Claire? Can ye hear me? Do I need tae call an ambulance?” The words reached her from very far away, but the threat of medical intervention acted like a dose of smelling salts.
“No,” she groaned, the room spinning around her like a kaleidoscope. “No hospital. I just... need to eat,” she grasped at the most innocuous explanation for her current state.
Without dislodging her, Jamie stretched his long arm and brought back the small basket of miniature muffins that were the day’s offering from Geillis. With surprising dexterity, he peeled away the paper one-handed and broke apart a bite-sized morsel, holding it gently against her lips. Realizing that her dignity couldn’t get any more battered, Claire opened her mouth and allowed Jamie to feed her. After only a few bites, the buzzing disappeared and she was able to sit up on her own.
“Thank you,” she murmured, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of the pity she knew she’d see there. “You were right. I should have eaten lunch, I guess.”
“Claire.” Jamie made a prose poem of the single syllable of her name. She looked up at him through her lashes, stunned to find him looking back, not with pity, but with something akin to adoration. “Mo nighean donn,” he ran a tender hand through her loosened curls. “Ye need tae care more for yerself.”
“I will. I’ll try.” And when she said it to him, she really meant it. Jamie made the impossible seem probable.
They stared at one another, shoulder to shoulder on the floor of her office. She couldn’t think of anything else to say, but nor did she move. Her gaze flitted over his face, noticing a vestige of boyish freckles across the bridge of his nose, a mole hidden in the harvest stubble on his cheek. Jamie was performing a parallel inventory, eyes finally coming to rest at the level of her mouth.
“Ye’ve got a wee crumb, jus’ there.” Unconscious, her tongue swept out, triggering a predatory response, twin blue laser beams narrowing on the target she had just painted on her lower lip.
“I... I’d verra much like tae kiss ye, Claire. May I?”
An amputated moan was all she could manage in response, but Jamie must have understood its meaning. He bent his head until only a whisper separated them. The air crackled, sending that extra organ plummeting towards her hollow womb. Clenching her eyes shut in defeat, she closed the infinitesimal gap until they met in an effervescent caress of lip and tongue.
Cold washed over her skin, bathing her in gooseflesh. Jamie tasted like he looked; a banquet of fresh, volatile flavours that called to mind a picnic in a meadow, a spray of sea foam, the warmth of hearth and home. She could feel him trembling against her, his moist breath rushing against her cheek in shallow pants. For a score of heartbeats, Claire was the happiest she had ever been. Then, reality crashed down around her.
“I’m sorry,” she stammered, pulling away. “I... this can’t... I’m sorry.”
Jamie leaned back with a mixture of longing and resignation. She hated adding herself to his list of regrets, but it was for the best.
“I’m your doctor, Jamie. This isn’t right.”
“Aye, I ken. I should apologize, but I canna seem tae find it in me tae repent.”
Jamie stood, reaching down to help Claire up as well. As soon as it was apparent she was able to stand on her own, he dropped her hand as though it burned. The line between his brows deepened, and she could see the question forming before he gave it voice.
“What if ye werena my doctor? Would it be right then?”
“That’s neither here nor there, because I am, Jamie. A relationship between patient and doctor of a romantic nature is ethically off-limits.”
Jamie nodded, apparently accepting her explanation at face value. Her heartbeat calmed. He moved slowly, gathering his coat and starting to leave.
“But what if ye weren’t?” he said, facing the door. “If we’d met at the hospital, or out on the town?”
“I...” she stammered, searching desperately for any answer except for the truth. “No, Jamie,” she said at last, watching as she destroyed his last bastion of hope. “I’m sorry. I just don’t feel that way about you.”
Nodding abruptly, Jamie let himself out of the office. She listened to his low murmuring voice through the door as he spoke to Geillis, heard him make an appointment for the following week, then the loud snap of the main door closing. Only then did she allow herself to collapse once more to the floor, angry sobs overtaking her.
***
“Are ye out of yer fuckin’ mind?” Geillis inquired with her usual brutal eloquence.
With the help of a Xanax, Claire had managed to see her last two patients of the day, and only needed to navigate the shoals of her office manager’s ire before she could go home and fully medicate herself into a dreamless sleep.
“Jes so we’re clear, ye want me tae write a letter terminating your services as a doctor an’ suggesting suitable alternative providers? An’ ye want me tae send this letter, over email, tae Jamie Fraser?”
“That’s right.” She had determined that icy calm was the best antidote to this conversation, which was fortuitous, since she felt numb all over.
“An’ what reason am I tae give fer this abrupt conclusion tae yer association wi’ Mr. Fraser?”
“I don’t owe him an explanation. Only sufficient notice and an opportunity to seek counselling elsewhere,” she said, feigning reasonableness.
Pushed past her limits, Geillis rose from behind her desk, a tiny tempest of moral indignation.
“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, ye are a good friend, a fine doctor an’ a fair employer. But I swear by the Almighty that if ye dinna drop the façade and tell me wha’ is going on I am going tae smack ye until yer ears ring!”
There was a certain relief in knowing that Geillis wouldn’t take no for an answer. And unlike Jamie, she knew where Claire lived and would not let her rest until the truth came out.
“He kissed me. Or rather, I kissed him. And I liked it! That’s why, Geillis.”
Her friend’s shoulders sagged, all righteousness gone in an instant. She reached around Claire’s frame and held her in a bone-crushing one-sided hug.
“Och, hen. An’ ye figured ye could deal wi’ those pesky feelings by jes, what? firing him as yer patient?”
“I can’t deal with this right now, Geillis. I can’t feel the way he makes me feel. And this practice is all that I have left. There’s no way I can risk losing it just for an affair that won’t even last the summer.”
She didn’t need to elaborate on her reasons for that dire prediction. Geillis knew them as well as anyone.
“He’s an intelligent man, Claire. He’s gonna ken something is up. Moreover, he’s a good man. He deserves tae hear the truth.”
Shaking her head sadly, Claire walked towards the door. Just before exiting, she called back softly to her friend.
“Geillis? Make sure to include Dr. Rafferty’s name on the list of referrals. I think they’d be a good match.
***
Monday morning dawned with little promise for the fledgling week. Moving robotically through her weekend routine, Claire thought frequently of chickens. How their bodies kept moving once their heads were lopped off, nerves and muscle and bone continuing to function for a time despite the fatal blow.
The elevator chimed its arrival on her floor. As the doors slide open, Jamie was the first thing she saw. He loomed by her still-locked office, a sun-topped thundercloud gripping a sheet of printer paper.
She’d worn her best black suit and a pair of chunky heels that brought her closer to his height. Perhaps, on some subconscious level, she’d anticipated this confrontation. Perversely, she relished it. Vitriol and deceit didn’t suit her, but it was preferable to feeling absolutely nothing.
“Do ye mind tellin’ me,” Jamie began before she’d even set foot in the hallway, “jus’ what this is about, Claire?” He brandished the paper like a wanted poster.
“I would think it was self-explanatory, actually. I’m terminating our professional relationship,” she huffed, golden eyes coming to life for the first time since Thursday.
“Via email. Sent tae me by Miss Duncan, because ye dinna have the guts tae do it yerself. Christ, Sassenach, even my ninth grade sweetheart didna dump me so cruelly!”
“I’m not your sweetheart!” she burst out, a flood of emotion cresting with her rising anger. “Don’t call me that! I was your doctor, Jamie, and now I’m nothing to you. Nothing. Just go. Please. Just go,” she finished weakly and without any hope that he’d listen.
“All this jus’ because I kissed you?” Jamie persevered. At her stubborn silence, he continued, “Nah, I dinna think so. Ye’re many things, Claire, but a coward isna one of them.”
She found this hysterically funny, since a coward was the only role she played to perfection. She didn’t have time to laugh, however, because Jamie was suddenly standing much closer, forcing her to lift her chin to meet his stormy eyes.
“Nah,” he continued smoothly, a big cat alerted to the smell of its prey. “If ye’d objected tae the kiss, ye would have told me so. Read me the riot act or kneed me in the bawls. I think ye’re scared, Doctor Beauchamp. I think that kiss terrified ye, because ye realized ye liked it. Somethin’ ye couldna plan for in yer wee journal, right there under yer nose. Bet it made yer heart beat so fast. So fast, jus’ like it is now.”
Jamie’s hand rested gently over the placket of her suit jacket, where he could surely feel the trip hammering of her pulse.
“Please,” she begged. “Don’t. I can’t...”
“Can’t what, Sassenach?” he whispered back, goading her.
The truth hung on her lips, and the toll of the past few days meant that she no longer had the strength to stop it from spilling forth.
“Can’t have children. Ever. I tried, for years. Fourteen miscarriages, fourteen lost chances. And seeing you with those children last week. I know it’s presumptive, but I could never deny you that chance, Jamie. That’s why I can’t see you anymore.”
She was looking down, watching the buttons of his shirt rise and fall with his agitated breath, but as she finished speaking, their movement ceased. Chancing a glance upward, she was stunned by the fury that had overtaken his expression.
Jamie opened and closed his mouth several times before he managed to speak in a gritty growl.
“Mutation of the RUNX1 gene tha’ causes leukemia. I was tested, along wi’ Jenny an’ Ian, after Maggie was diagnosed. I have a fifty percent chance of passing it along tae my children. An’ since I canna stand the thought of ano’er bairn havin’ tae suffer as Maggie has, as soon as I got the test results, I went out an’ had a vasectomy.”
Claire recoiled as though she’d been slapped, a high pitched whine in her ears.
“Ye’re no’ the only one who’s hurting, Claire!” Jamie continued, voice dashing against the rocks of her name. “We’re no’ meant tae suffer alone. Ye, of all people, should ken that.”
Stunned in the silence following the thunderclap of his revelation, she couldn’t find the words to express her sorrow, her outrage, and her crippling shame. By the time the power of speech returned, Jamie was gone.
57 notes
·
View notes
Photo
As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and random thoughts on chapters 25-27 are below the cut.
heart
The imagery that really caught my attention this time was Peeta pointing out the changes in the moon to Katniss: The only indication of the passage of time lies in the heavens, the subtle shift of the moon. So Peeta begins pointing it out to me, insisting I acknowledge its progress and sometimes, for just a moment I feel a flicker of hope before the agony of the night engulfs me again. - So for one, we see another example of Peeta focusing on the small details in life (which I’ve previously hypothesized to being an important element in his recovery from his hijacking) as well as Peeta being the one to give Katniss hope, even if it’s just for a brief moment. Also, it’s a nice parallel to Katniss looking at the moon and desperately wishing for it to be “her moon” back in chapter 23. As a nocturnal person, I also love watching the moon from my living room window🌙
mind
Hmmh, I don’t think that Katniss and Peeta’s win was predetermined - although I do believe that by introducing the romantic angle, they significantly improved their odds. A Career winning the Games is not really that special and exciting, since it happens so often (although Careers generally satisfy that excitement for violence/blood/gore, that plenty of Capitol people seem to share). As a volunteer from District 12, who achieved an extremely good training score and proved herself to be very capable in the arena already, Katniss definitely had an edge by playing into the classic underdog story, which offered another exciting “narrative” for the Capitolites to follow - that, coupled (heh) with the romance angle Peeta introduced? Katniss (and Peeta) definitely had the entertainment (and excitement through novelty) factor on their side. Ironically, Cato’s chances of winning were not as good as he expected, precisely because he was playing it by the book.
soul
Poor Peeta (and Katniss), it hurts that their relationship was in such a rocky place by the end of the book. Especially those weeks right after the end of Book 1, when there were still cameras around District 12 and they had to pretend while hurting must have sucked big time🥺
Chapter 25
Ugh, the muttations are just so unsettling... *shudder*
Honestly, I’m just so impressed by Peeta’s presence of mind to draw that X on Cato’s hand, after he had just most of his calf ripped off, only to be grabbed and put in a headlock by Cato! He and Katniss work insanely well under pressure
God, Cato’s death is just so gruesome and awful... In the end, his “gift” from the Feast doesn’t help him win at all, but instead ends up prolonging his suffering a cruel amount... I wonder if in general these “gifts” come with a string attached (aside from the expected danger of trying to get them, I mean) - because the Gamemakers also intend for Katniss’s “gift” (medicine for Peeta) to force an even more cruel outcome on her - saving him from blood poisoning only to be forced into killing him herself... 🤔
I’m not sure if this is exactly medical protocol, but I’m terrified that if he drifts off he’ll never wake again. “Are you cold?” he asks. He unzips his jacket and I press against him as he fastens it around me. - Katniss is terrified of the idea of Peeta dying; at the same time, Peeta worries about her freezing - I can’t with these two 😩
Peeta begins to doze off now, and each time he does, I find myself yelling his name louder and louder because if he goes and dies on me now, I know I’ll go completely insane. He’s fighting it, probably more for me than for him - Katniss can’t lose any more people she cares about 😢; on a different note, Peeta fighting his unconsciousness “probably more for [Katniss] than for him” points out one of the crucial elements Katniss brings into Peeta’s life - she is that someone for whom he will fight - including for his own life and well-being - even when it feels easier to give up... Having that person in your life that keeps you going can make all the difference - if Katniss hadn’t had Prim and promised her “to really, really try” to win (and later also made Rue the same promise), I’m not sure she would have made it this far; it’s the thought of Prim anxiously watching her after Rue’s death, that forces Katniss to keep going, to not give in to despair after that particular traumatic event - Peeta, on the other hand, didn’t really have that kind of person in his life, as he will point out on the beach in CF (and Katniss acknowledges herself that the only person who will be devasted if Peeta dies is her)... that is not to say that neither Katniss nor Peeta aren’t fighters on their own - but it helps to have someone that inspires you to not give up
the adrenaline pumping through my body would never allow me to follow him, so I can’t let him go. I just can’t. - We’ll see the mirrored version of this by the end of Mockinjay
Pity, not vengeance, sends my arrow flying into [Cato’s] skull. - Another act of rebellion, technically (sure, this can be spun as Katniss killing Cato so she and Peeta may win - before Peeta dies from blood loss - but we know better - Katniss’s motivation was compassion for her supposed enemy)
We inch down to the tail of the horn and fall to the ground. If the stiffness in my limbs is this bad, how can Peeta even move? - Peeta is tough as nails, yo!
Before I am even aware of my actions, my bow is loaded with the arrow pointed straight at his heart [...] I drop my weapons and take a step back, my face burning in what can only be shame. “No,” he says. “Do it.” [...] “I can’t,” I say, “I won’t.” - In spite of her initial reflex, Katniss chooses Peeta/ chooses not to kill him; it’s a recurring theme in their relationship (despite her wariness of others, she chooses to open up to Peeta eventually; although she vowed to never marry and have children, she’ll choose to have a family with Peeta); also, my psychology-brain just noticed how this moment illustrates how harmful thoughts/impulses don’t have to determine your actions and are not an indicator of who you are - it’s about what you choose to do
“You’re not leaving me here alone,” I say. Because if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really. I’ll spend the rest of my life in this areny trying to think my way out. - Again, makes me think of MJ; also, I think that from this point onwards, Katniss and Peeta are officially linked together forever; the bond they forged during this traumatic experience will connect them to each other until the day they die
“On the count of three?” Peeta leans down and kisses me once, very gently. “The count of three,” he says. - My heart😭
Chapter 26
... while our muscles are immobile, nothing is preventing the blood from draining out of Peeta’s leg. Sure enough, the minute the door closes behind us and the current stops, he slumps to the floor unconscious [...] Through the glass, I see the doctors working feverishly on Peeta, their brows creased in concentration [...] I’m not sure, but I think his heart stops twice. - Peeta was in such a bad shape by the end of the Games; I’m still kinda salty that the movie really glossed over this fact :/
... they’re taking Peeta but leaving me behind the door. I start hurling myself against the glass, shrieking and I think I just catch a glimpse of pink hair - it must be Effie, it has to be Effie coming to my rescue - when the needle jabs me from behind. - Oh geez, in Catching Fire Katniss will also get sedated in a hovercraft because she’s upset about being separated from Peeta 😢 (also, Katniss thinking that Effie is coming to her rescue 😭)
While she [Lavinia, the avox] adjusts my pillows, I risk one question. I say it out loud, as clearly as my rusty voice will allow, so nothing will seem secretive. “Did Peeta make it?” She gives me a nod, and as she slips a spoon into my hand, I feel the pressure of friendship. - Katniss is so considerate of Lavinia’s situation, and Lavinia’s giving her a gesture of comfort and support; they’ve never been able to have a proper conversation (Katniss doesn’t even know Lavinia’s name), but still they managed to build up such a bond - compassion certainly is a strong thing to behold 😭 (and this whole scene is just through and through about compassion, with Katniss asking how Peeta is doing!)
Home! Prim and my mother! Gale! Even the thought of Prim’s scruffy old cat makes me smile. Soon I will be home! - Katniss is so excited to see her home and her loved ones again
I want to get out of this bed. To see Peeta and Cinna - Aww, the two people she grew closest to over the course of the past weeks (Haymitch will be added to that list in just a smidge)
Or do I hear a man’s voice yelling? Not in the Capitol accent, but in the rougher cadences of home. And I can’t help having a vague, comforting feeling that someone is looking out for me. - Thank God for Haymitch!
And behind one of them [doors] must be Peeta. Now that I’m conscious and moving, I’m growing more and more anxious about him [...] “Peeta!” I call out, since there’s no one to ask - Katniss is sick with worry over Peeta; romantic feelings or not, she cares so fricking much for him by now!
I run for them [Effie, Haymitch, and Cinna] and surprise even myself when I launch into Haymitch’s arms first. When he whispers in my ear, “Nice job, sweetheart,” it doesn’t sound sarcastic. - These reunion scenes are so intense and heartwarming! And then Katniss asks about Portia and Peeta because their presence would make this scene complete
when I asks for seconds, I’m refused. “No, no, no. They don’t want it all coming back up on the stage,” says Octavia, but she secretly slips me an extra roll under the table to let me know she’s on my side - It’s moments like these that help humanize Katniss’s prep team - they might be shallow, they might be completely oblivious and ignorant, but they aren’t that bad [of course, the prep team chattering about their mundane lives while talking about the event that ended with the deaths of 22 children shortly after, leaves a bad taste in our mouths]
I immediately notice the padding over my breasts, adding curves that hunger has stolen from my body. My hands go to my chest and I frown. “I know,” says Cinna before I can object. “But the Gamemakers wanted to alter you surgically. Haymitch had a huge fight with them over it. This was the compromise.” - God, the idea that the Gamemakers wanted to give a boob job to an unconscious, malnourished 16-year-old girl makes me sick 🤢 (Also, what’s the flipping deal about boobs?! As a pretty flat-chested gal, I’ve always been annoyed that there are barely any bras my cup size that are not push-up ones; I’m not self-conscious about it, so stop making me pretend that I’m bustier than I actually am!)
“I thought it’d be something more... sophisticated-looking,” I say. “I thought Peeta would like this better,” he [Cinna] answers carefully. Peeta? No, it’s not about Peeta. It’s about the Capitol and the Gamemakers and the audience. Although I do not yet understand Cinna’s design, it’s a reminder the Games are not quite finished. - Ugh, that sinking feeling when Katniss and the reader realize that the Games are still not over... Sidenote: Peeta flirted up a storm with grimy, bloodied Katniss and complimented her when she wore Cinna’s first, absolutely badass costume (”You should wear flames more often”)... Katniss’s girlish outfit has nothing to do with Peeta and she knows it... Cinna could have dressed Katniss up in a trash bag and Peeta would have been smitten - although a trash bag by Cinna would probably still look pretty good ;)
“How about a hug for luck?” Okay, that’s an odd request from Haymitch but, after all we are victors. Maybe a hug for luck is in order. - Aww, Katniss actually wouldn’t have minded giving Haymitch a hug just because - sadly, this is about survival tips instead :/
But what was it Haymitch said when I asked it he had told Peeta the situation? That he had to pretend to be desperately in love? “Don’t have to. He’s already there.” Already thinking ahead of me in the Games again and well aware of the danger we’re in? Or... already desperately in love? I don’t know. I haven’t even begun to separate out my feelings about Peeta. It’s too complicated. - Poor Katniss... she didn’t have the time and peace of mind to sort out her feelings regarding Peeta before they all got tied up and muddled with her need for survival. Now she’ll be having an even harder time trying to untangle that mess :(
Chapter 27
Then there’s Peeta just a few yards away. He looks so clean and healthy and beautiful, I can hardly recognize him. But his smile is the same whether in mud or in the Capitol and when I see it, I take about three steps and fling myself into his arms [...] He rights himself and we just cling to each other while the audience goes insane. He’s kissing me and all the time I’m thinking, Do you know? Do you know how much danger we’re in? After about ten minutes of this, Caesar Flickerman taps on his choulder to continue the show, and Peeta just pushes him aside without even glancing at him. - Man, their reunion here always gets me - it would be so fricking good if Katniss didn’t have to worry about their potential doom 😒😔 - she barely has time to just be happy to see Peeta alive and well before slipping back into survival mode while Peeta is just genuinely thrilled to have her in his arms, completely unaware of the pressure and immediate danger Katniss experiences in this moment... It hurts so bad
I’m with Katniss - How did the previous victors endure rewatching those horrible moments from the Games?! I guess because they had to, but oof... I think I’d just completely shut down, blocking out the footage shown, ugh
But I do notice they omit the part where I covered her [Rue] in flowers. Right. Because even that smacks of rebellion. - In such a callous and cruel place as Panem, any act of compassion can be regarded as rebellion, it’s crazy. In a place filled with apathy, hedonism, greed, and cruelty, the most radical things you can exhibit are love, kindness, and respect!
A wave of gratitude to the filmmakers sweeps over me when they end not with the announcement of our victory, but with me pounding on the glass door of the hovercraft, screaming Peeta’s name as they try to revive him. In terms of survival, it’s my best moment all night. - Again, another instance where Katniss’s genuine feelings/reactions to Peeta are get muddled with her need for survival
The one thing I never do is let go of Peeta’s hand. - irrevocably linked with each other
Despite Haymitch’s running interference, I’m determined to see Peeta privately. - Katniss just wants to have an honest and open talk with Peeta 😢 (I get where Haymitch is coming from, and maybe in this instance it’s the right call, but we’ll see a similar situation in the beginning of CF when Haymitch advises Katniss not to tell Peeta about President Snow’s visit and that time, it doesn’t go so well...)
Then Peeta’s there looking handsome in red and white - for someone who isn’t sure whether she’s into him or not, Katniss sure mentions how good Peeta’s looking a lot 😏
“Well, there’s just this and we go home. Then he can’t watch us all the time,” says Peeta. - 👀👀 Peeta is so thirsty here; reminds me of when he pulled Katniss close to him in the cave before they set out to hunt... He clearly believes she’s also “already there” regarding their relationship; he’s never this “suggestive” (can’t think of a better word right now) with her once she lets him know that she doesn’t really know how she feels about him - I feel a sort of shiver run through me and there’s no time to analyze why - Katniss totally isn’t averse to what Peeta’s suggesting here, either (though there’s probably also a healthy amount of fear mixed in with the thrill of being wanted - letting people in can be terrifying)
I can feel Peeta press his forehead into my temple and he asks, “So now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?” I turn in to him. “Put you somewhere you can’t get hurt.” And when he kisses me, people in the room actually sigh. - It’s me; I’m people 🙋🏼♀️ (also, the “turn in to him”?!?!! it just suggests such a closeness, I can’t-)
Katniss burying her face in Peeta’s shirt when she’s afraid she might cry learning that he lost his leg 🥺 (how awful it must be to be constantly on display while you’re dealing with your private feelings, ugh)
“... The moment when you pulled out those berries. What was going on in your mind... hm?” [...] It seems to call for a big, dramatic speech, but all I get out is one almost inaudible sentences. “I don’t know, I just... couldn’t bear the thought of... being without him.” - It might not be a super eloquent way to put what she was supposed to say, but this way, Katniss is being perfectly honest (and frankly, if she’d had the chance to properly process her feelings, she would have been able to voice this sentiment with less hesitation)
I go back to my room to collect a few things and find there’s nothing to take but the mockingjay pin Madge gave me. Someone returned it to my room after the Games. - For one, Katniss didn’t think of that pin (again), but also - was the pin returned to her simply because it’s standard procedure or did someone (like Plutarch, for example) arrange for Katniss to get the pin back, to keep her connection to this symbol going?
I stare in the mirror as I try to remember who I am and who I am not. - Poor Katniss! She’s been through so much, experienced so many traumatic events in short succession recently (aside from the trauma she already had), already had problems defining her identity beyond sheer survival, and now the Capitol also keeps pushing an identity onto her and a romantic relationship, when she hadn’t even had the chance to figure out how she felt about that yet
“... Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn’t make it worse,” I say. “Coaching you? But not me,” says Peeta. “He knew you were smart enough to get it right,” I say. “I didn’t know there was anything to get right,” says Peeta. - Oh boy. It’s always so painful to see Peeta realize that he’s been completely out of the loop; again, we’ll see how Katniss and Haymitch adopt a similar strategy in the beginning of CF: banking on Peeta’s good social skills and eloquence and keeping him in the dark. In a way, it’s a sort of compliment they pay to Peeta for being good with people, but, by not telling him, they are also using him for their purpose (which is motivated by caring for and wanting to protect Peeta, but still). Peeta is right to be upset about it - he has always been very clear about not wanting to be used as a piece in anyone’s games, really. And, as we will see later in CF, they are way more effective as a team when they are open and honest with each other.
“It was all for the Games,” Peeta says. “How you acted.” “Not all of it,” I say, tightly holding on to my flowers. “Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what’s going to be left when we get home?” he says. “I don’t know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get,” I say. He waits, for further explanation, but none’s forthcoming. “Well, let me know when you work it out,” he says, and the pain in his voice is palpable. - It’s just so goddamn painful😢 They’ve both been done so dirty by that forced star-crossed lovers of Distrct 12 routine. (Sidenote: I appreciate that Peeta actually gives Katniss the chance to explain herself here - still, it’s too much to deal with on the spot so I can understand why Katniss ended up dropping the ball, even though it’s frustrating to read.)
That it’s not good loving me because I’m never going to get married anyway and he’d just end up hating me later instead of sooner. That if I do have feelings for him, it doesn’t matter because I’ll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family, to children. And how can he? How can he after what we’ve just been through? - Oh Katniss, you certainly are skipping a couple of steps here; I’m pretty sure there are some options in between dating and being married with kids you could look into. Also, she’s just assuming that this is what Peeta wants, but she doesn’t know that at all - As someone who also has this stupid habit of imagining how whole conversations could possibly transpire and then resigning myself to the hypothetical outcome of said imagined conversation instead of actually having them: Don’t do that. ‘Never assume - it makes an ASS out of U and ME.’
I see Peeta extend his hand. I look at him, unsure. “One more time? For the audience?” he says. His voice isn’ t angry. It’s hollow, which is worse. Already the boy with the bread is slipping away from me. I take his hand, holding it tightly, preparing for the cameras, and dreading the moment when I will finally have to let go. - Ma babies! They are both so hurt and both just want to be with each other 😭 But they’ll need some time apart, to figure things out before they can do that.
#thgagain#thg#hunger games#everlark#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#my sketches and drawings#thg meta
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
innocence - 27
PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader
WARNINGS: none
A/N: my god i really took a whole month to write this. i am sooo sorry, but i was a bit stuck with the narrative. thankfully it’s moving forward. hope you enjoy xx
NEXT CHAPTER
Y/N watched him walk up to his bag to removal a navy blue square box. She furrowed her brows, leaning on her hands on the worn out duvet from her teen years as he sat by his side. His cheeks were dusted pink, lip stuck between his teeth as he handed it to her. Y/N merely looked at him like a child who knew nothing of the object that had been placed on top of her hands. All she knew was that it was in her hands and felt more expensive than the homemade present she had manage to hid under all her chunky Christmas outfits Bucky deemed unnecessary. He was nervous, heart pounding under the several layers of clothing he was wearing to protect himself from the cold. Rebecca had warned him to be careful, maybe to thread around lightly as she could be freaked out. His pace seemed to slow down as he walked up to the bed were she was so innocently and calmly looking at her. It’s gonna be fine, Barnes, man up, he told himself.
- You don’t have to accept it. I just ... I thought you might want it.
- Bucky, you’re rambling. - she cocked her head to the side, giving him a teasing smile as he sat by the bed. - The only reason someone should be so nervous is if they’re proposing.
- Uhm ... - he rubbed the back of his neck as he set the box on the bed. All the colour drained from her face and she put her hands in front of her mouth.
- Are you proposing? Gosh, did I ruin it? Oh my I ruined a proposal, again.
- Not quite. - he gave her a toothy grin. - And when did you ruin a proposal?
- Long story. - she rested her chin against her hand.
- Well, when my ‘ma died she left me and Rebecca a lot of stuff. - he opened up the old blue velvet box to show a small pearl necklace laying against the padded black satin fabric. - She left me this ... outta all things. Said I should give it to a nice girl someday but I’d never met a nice girl until I met you ...
- Bucky. - her lips almost pouted as she tried not to get her emotions get the best of her. It was nothing special, it was really nothing special but to hear him, the man she was so hopelessly in love with, say she was a nice girl was making her heart beat faster.
- You don’t have to wear it ... it’s probably too old and ... well I just wanted you to have them. My dad gave it to my mum before he got shipped off and I thought I’d give them to you ...
- Wait, you’re not being shipped off, are you? - she wrapped her arms around his neck. - Because if you did good news first and bad news last, I’ll be very upset.
- No, no, no. I’m not being shipped out ... I think I’m to old for that. - he chuckled. - The point is, he gave it to her as a labour of love and I want it to give it to you as a labour of love too. Except without the shipping off.
- Bucky, it’s beautiful. - she looked down at the box. - And it’s not too old.
- It’s over a hundred years old.
- You’re over a hundred years old. - she gave him a teasing look, kissing the corner of his mouth. - Maybe I fancy things over a hundred years old.
- Yeah? - he smiled at her. - Do you wanna put it on?
- Can you help me? - she handed him the pearls, turning around to face the mirror in front of her bed. Bucky draped the small pearl string around her neck, clasping it at the back before putting his hand on her shoulder, his head resting in the curvature between her neck and shoulder. Her finger traced the imperfect circular shapes of the pearls, soft smile on her lips. - Bucky, they’re beautiful. Thank you.
- Thank god you like them. Sam’s been in my head all day sayin’ you’d think they’re too old. - he kissed her neck as she laughed. - Besides, I didn’t really know what to give you. I can’t really give you the moon.
- The moon sounds like it’d take too much space in the house. Can you imagine? I live in a one bedroom flat, I barely have space for me and my thoughts.
- Stop it. - he held her chin to turn her face so he could kiss her. - You know, missy ... you still owe me for that stunt you pulled in the airplane.
- You know I would love to finish it ... - she threw her legs over his. - But I have to go with my mum tomorrow morning to pick out last minute gifts and she is an early bird.
- Uhm ... you torture me. - he wrapped his arms around her. - But I’ll let it slide this time.
Bucky couldn’t sleep that night, he stood up all night looking at her; the way the moon illuminated her skin against the dusty blue sheets, the pearls drapped over her beautiful skin. Bucky thought in that moment he was the luckiest man in the world and that maybe it was all worth it. Maybe falling from the train, becoming HYDRAs fist, Zemo, wars, everything ... maybe it was worth going through all of that because if he hadn’t gone through all of that, he wouldn’t be what he was today and he wouldn’t have met her. It was worth knowing it, it was worth having her. He remembered his mum reprimanding him every time he’d break up or start seeing yet another girl “James Barnes, you gotta stop playin’ around and find yourself a nice girl who you love and loves you back for who you are”. He didn’t believe her, he knew why girls were into him, or into the uniform so he didn’t really believe someone would want to stick around with him being a soldier. But Y/N, Y/N loved him with that and even all his nightmares and trauma. He couldn’t help but want to keep her safe despite that being what his job entailed, and it made his blood boil whenever he thought back to how someone had broken into her place, into her safe space. It made him more upset he hadn’t figured out who done it. Not even Steve or Natasha found any clues, it was almost as if it never happened but he had pictures, he had pictures of that word written across the mirror.
He could not stop thinking about it, he couldn’t sleep about it. He hadn’t been able to sleep in a while, afraid something would happen to her while he was asleep. He had failed to protect her, someone had gotten into her home and god... something could have happened and he wasn’t there, he wasn’t there to defend her. He couldn’t even do his job right. He couldn’t protect his girlfriend.
Bucky stood up all night until the early morning when the clock shone 7:30 AM. She moved around, signalling she was more awake than asleep. He smiled, kissing her forehead as she opened her eyes.
- Morning, princess.
- Buck, you need to sleep. - she said in her cute sleep filled voice. - It’s too early for you.
- I don’t need sleep. Super soldier, remember, doll?
- That can’t be right. - she rose up from the bed, rubbing the sleep off her eyes. - You sure you’re okay being alone? I could ask my mum ...
- Go have time with your mum, princess. I’ll be fine, promise you.
- Do not let my sisters give you any trouble. Or my brother ... or any of my sister’s husbands. You know what? You’re allowed to cuss them out if they do.
- I’m sure it’ll be fine. - he watched as she got dressed and covered into layers upon layers. He had forgotten how cold England was. - You don’t have to worry.
- Yes I have. They’re very persuasive, they’re lawyers. They will convince you to do things you don’t even want to do with you noticing.
- I’ve been through mind control before, I’m sure I can handle it, doll face.
- Doll face? - she smirked. - That’s a new one. You sure you’re not trying to butter me up so I finish what I started.
- Nonsense. - he got up from her, slowly walking up to her, hands resting upon her waist as he whispered against her ear. - It’s not like you need any buttering up isn’t it, princess?
- I ... - her face grew warm at the thoughts that filled her head.
- Y/N! Honey, are you ready? - her mother’s knock on the door, followed by her opening it just the slightest bit interrupted her sex filled thoughts. - We don’t wanna catch a confusion.
- Yeah, mum. Just saying bye to Bucky.
- Oh, Bucky ... there’s breakfast downstairs if you want. The boys are all up, maybe you can socialise.
- Mum ... - Y/N said through a tight smile as the three walked from the bedroom into the hall.
- You worry too much. - her mother ushered down the stairs to the door where her father was leaned against, waiting. Y/N kissed Bucky goodbye before being pushed out of the house.
Bucky couldn’t say he was particularly comfortable. It wasn’t that her family wasn’t nice, they were as inviting as one could be but he barely knew them and the last thing he wanted was to scare them off or leave a bad impression. After all, there wasn’t a lot of his family Y/N had to impress and whatever was left of it she had left a great impression but her family, well, her family probably did not expect a 100 year old soldier bodyguard dating their actress daughter. Yet again, who does?
He walked into the dinning room where most of her family was sat down happily eating breakfast until they became aware of his presence. Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, ready to mumble an apology before Aunt Petunia was grabbing him and seating him down on one of the free seats.
- So, Bucky, what do you want to eat?
- Uhm ... just black coffee is fine. - he spoke and as fast as he did, a cup of coffee was in front off him.
- Don’t you want anything to eat? Oh, is this a super soldier situation where you cannot eat? Is it because you’re a 100? Honey, do you need any medication?
- No, no, m’am. I’m just not a breakfast person.
- Uhm, I see. Did you sleep well? I couldn’t sleep all night with Sophie ... - Petunia looked at Claire who rolled her eyes at her. - Crying all night.
- I’m sorry that we can’t control when a baby cries, Aunt Petunia. - Claire replied before returning to feed some crushed banana to her baby.
- Babies. - the old woman rolled her eyes, before redirecting her attention towards Bucky. - Do you want them?
- Pardon?
- A baby. You want a baby right? Y/N has always wanted babies ... of course she keeps forgetting she won’t be fertile forever.
- Uhm ... I don’t know, Y/N and I haven’t really discussed having a kid.
- I don’t wanna know about that. I wanna know if you want a baby.
- I don’t know if I can have a baby. - he sighed, looking at any of Y/N’s siblings for help.
- What do you mean you don’t know?
- Bucky. - Claire interrupted her aunt. - Do you mind getting the mail? We haven’t checked our post box since we arrived and it’s probably pilling up.
- Yeah. - he got up from his chair before he could be asked any more questions.
Could he have a baby? He didn’t know; Steve couldn’t and Steve hadn’t. gone through all the brainwashing and shock therapy he had gone through. Besides, he refused to know and he didn’t really care about it. Why would Bucky Barnes, an ex murderer for HYDRA, want to bring a kid into this world? No, the world was better off this way and he did not want to know the answer anyway despite the idea of a family haunting his fantasies. Thankfully Claire had saved him and for that alone, he was almost certain she was his favourite sibling out of all. Checking the post wasn’t too hard and surely no one would ask about his family planning on the way to the post box.
He let the door behind him as he passed through the snowy ground until the postbox which, despite most of Claires belief, was quite empty except for a few postcards, bills and a particular letter that caught his attention. He looked around before putting the rest of the mail under his arm and started to inspect the letter. It had no stamp, no sender, not even an address, just Y/N’s name in the front written in cursive. Bucky knew he shouldn’t open her mail but he just didn’t trust it and as he ripped through the envelope, his suspicious heightened.
You cannot hide, whore.
taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @bbabysbaby @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverratedbutgreat @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi @emzd34 @writerwrites @bluevxnus @that-girl-named-alex @captnrogers @nsfwsebbie @sarge-barnes-sir
#sebastian stan#sebastian stan/reader#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan/you#sebastian stan x you#sebastian stan x y/n#sebastian stan/y/n#sebastian stan imagine#sebastian stan au#bodyguard!sebastian stan#bodyguard!bucky#bucky x reader#bucky/reader#bucky x you#bucky/you#bucky x y/n#bucky/y/n#bucky#bucky barnes#bucky imagine#bodyguard!bucky barnes
144 notes
·
View notes
Text
11 Anti LO Asks
1. Zeus would make a much more compelling character if RS grounded his obsession with gaining respect in the context of his childhood: He could’ve been Rhea’s favourite kid and grew a huge ego/sense of entitlement as a result while feeling deeply under appreciated by his brothers and Hera for his instrumental role in rescuing them and his care for her respectively, unable to look past his own trauma and ego to see that they too are struggling with their own demons rather than neglecting him.
2. I’m gonna have disagree with that one anon saying narrators are always a sign of weak storytelling because that’s not always the truth. Hades the game for example has a narrator and it’s used very effectively to give it an fairytale-like feel, a funny thing for zag to comment on because he can hear them and he will often comment on the rude things they say, and also provides a bit of world building. A narrator is also good if it’s established beforehand who is saying the narration, such as a storyteller or prophet, and it can establish to the audience they are viewing something from the past, and they can speak when there are major shifts in the story, not throughout the whole thing. A narrator in LO isn’t even a bad idea, the issue is it should have been established much earlier, maybe even episode one is we’re being honest, instead of just coming out of nowhere to speak of stuff in the future? It’s also pretty purposely only being there to be a cliffhanger instead of even putting in effort to make it interesting enough for anyone to care or come back without the narration there basically begging them to care what’s going on. It’s very strange and shows a lack of confidence and effort in her writing to be so literally spelled out like that.
I agree with the other comments too. The font is atrocious. LO is usually really good with fonts and they picked one that was visually very ugly and hard to read with an even worse color. I didn’t even think the fonts would degrade too like the art, and yet here we are!
3. I love how rachel dropped the cover for vol 2 of LO and its just a treasure trove of book design failures. her name is on top, giving the impression both she is the title and she cares more about getting her own name out there over the actual story, empty space where the title should be, the title covering most of hades, the title being cramped so much to cover him, persephone being covered by volume two, the list goes on. the first cover wasnt much better, but this is much worse.
4. RS is willing to change aspects of the story according to fan speculation but isn't down to do anything that would retcon out the offensive stereotypes, the homophobia, or the character-assassination of apollo.
5. I’m pretty sure Hera and Echo will have an infidelity arc followed by betrayal thanks to Echo’s role in Zeus’s meddling. It’s already established that Hera is just as willing to cheat as Zeus is and Echo’s blue colouration and short hair is clearly reminiscent of Hades. Given how RS has stated that character colour palettes are symbolic, I wouldn’t overlook this detail (the one instance of RS actually sticking to her colour rules lol). Also, Ares’ comment just seems to imply it!
6. Yo I just saw RS Insta story- SHES ALREADY MAKING A VOLUME TWO BOOK???? When the first volume isn’t out yet?????? Tbh, I never expected this
7. Daphne has more personality than Persephone. Though both came from the same deprives mortal realm background, Daphne is thriving. Unlike Persephone, she’s confident and willing to take control over her own life (though this is only illustrated in the context of her dating life which is sad af, female characters never get any other kind of agency in LO). Perse would be a more interesting protagonist if she had Daphne’s (still limited af) personality.
8. There seems to be a lot of infighting here regarding Myth Hades and Persephone and it's 'modern retelling' or butchering by RS.
All fighting aside on whether Hades was a good husband and Persephones role (or lack of agency) in the myth of the Kidnapping - what is actually wrong with appreciating the myth as is?
(Isn't the myth there to give an explanation as to why the seasons change? As well as being a story of a mother in grief over her lost daughter? And her fight to find her?)
Also, in that context, is there really something wrong with liking the... lets say more "modern" adaptations of the Myth where Hades and Persephone loved one another, so long as one understands and respects the original canon (sources) and culture from which it originated?
9. The way Daphne is drawn went from sweet girl-next-door to model with overfilled lips and too many surgical alterations to increase her sex appeal.. Her lips look like they’ve been stung by several bees in the latest FP what is up with that? It’s especially irksome since RS normally draws very nice looking full lips (I.e Persephone) but they just look so off on Daphne.
10. So Minthe being in the story so early on (and already dating Hades) is lets say an "interesting" narrative choice. Mainly because it feels like RS did this because she doesnt want to acknowledge that Hades may have loved someone other than Persephone.
Because (as far as I am aware) Minthe does not show up until after Hades and Persephone are already married. And Hades did care about Minthe (as I believe one anon mentioned - he named a mountain after her?) - and she was stomped on by Persephone for daring to say that Hades liked her more.
It feels like RS made this narrative choice because she wanted to (mess with the myths) showcase that Persephone is Hades 'One True Love' and the only way she could think do to that was to make Minthe a vicious abuser. Which is unfair.
11. Uh …. Why are they already publishing a volume 2 or LO only four months after the first one? If they keep that rate up won’t they catch up really quick to the actual comic and run out of stuff to publish? I would be pissed to get a book with a cover with effort put into it just to get rushed nonsense in the actual book. Girl take a break.
Also the logo is literally covering up half of the couple while there is a giant empty space above them so her name is the main focus. Either Rachel is shit at book cover design (likely) or she needs to stroke her ego real bad and make sure her own name is the main focus. Good lord.
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Loki Episode 3 Spoilers!
I wanna talk about Sylvie and her being the Enchantress.
I believe she is truly a Loki variant.
I want to make it clear that I'm not taking the stance she CAN'T be the Enchantress, that isn't my point. My point is I personally do not believe she is not a Loki Variant and I'm going to share evidence to support that.
Also to further clarify, I 100% see that they are drawing inspiration from Enchantress to make Sylvie's character and could see her calling herself the Enchantress, but I do 100% believe she is a Loki Variant.
What I think is the most important is respect. I have a friend who knows nothing about the comics and she got yelled at by another friend for not knowing the Enchantress from the comics and not believing it. Comic fans, cut this out. I know 95% of comic fans who read this won't ever do that, but please be kind to people who haven't read the comics. But regardless, if you are reading this and believe she is the Enchantress and NOT a Loki Variant at all, I'm not trying to disrespect you, please don't disrespect me.
So, all that out of the way, here are my points.
(If you agree with me or don't really care, this is also just a ton of infodumping and character analysis)
1. The MCU loosely follows the comics
This isn't specific evidence but it is worth mentioning, the MCU will change the comics all the time. Thanos is very different in the MCU than the comics, The Guardians are incredibly different, Quill's heritage of being a kid of Ego is an almost completely original story, Civil War's plot varies wildly, there are countless examples. It culminated in WandaVision, where a lot of comic fans got incredibly burned with our predictions, me included (my guess was about Fietro, but I'm mostly referencing Mephisto). Plenty characters also take from others. Nando V Movies has an entire series on it, a notable villain being "Hela isn't Hela." In that video and series he details how some MCU characters draw from many comic characters. So it is not outside the realm of possibility or probability the MCU is taking parts from Enchantress Sylvie and changing it heavily.
I am aware Sylvie is an Enchantress in the comics but her origins have already seemed to vary wildly, so I would assume we are taking her comic self with a grain of salt. I however am by no means an authority on comics Sylvie, I literally just read her wiki page.
2) Addressing things I attribute to being Genderqueer/Genderfluid
We don't know much about Sylvie's identity so as a blanket statement I will be referring to her as genderqueer. If I use this term incorrectly, let me know.
A large piece of evidence Enchantress fans use is Sylvie hates being called Loki. That COULD be an Enchantress piece of evidence, but it also can very clearly be a genderqueer thing. If she is just trans or largely prefers a feminine appearance/identity, it makes sense she wouldn't like her birth name. I'm Trans MTF and I HATE my birth name, it is very common.
Loki in the show still uses Loki and seems very attached to it, but Sylvie is clearly VERY different. Loki himself is confirmed as Genderfluid, and Sylvie obviously has a very different experience in life from him, so we can expect variance in identity as well. If a version of Loki can be like THIS:
An already Genderqueer character can be queer in a different way.
Also, her blonde hair being different from Loki's is not an indication she isn't a Loki, changing hair color is so easy it means almost nothing.
Also, isn't the joke that Genderqueer people dye their hair a lot?
3) Her different power set and background
The fact she calls it enchanting is a pretty big indicator, I'll give you that. But the fact her powers function differently than Loki's doesn't automatically means she is not a Loki.
This is discovered as they talk about their backgrounds, Loki grew up and was taught by Frigga while Sylvie was not. Now, we know their pasts vary anyway since Sylvie learned she was adopted much earlier, but this can be taken two ways in my mind and BOTH explain the difference in powersets.
The obvious is that if Sylvie was not taught by Frigga, she'd have different magic. But an interesting hypothesis is that Sylvie went through becoming a TVA agent and escaped, her memories tampered with, affecting her memories of her training and parents, explaining why she says her mother is a distant memory. That's a hypothesis, but it could explain her different powerset even if she was a standard Loki initially. That could also affect her identity but I would honestly rather it didn't, it feels weird and off, but it's a possibility.
4) Loki's Reaction to Her
Loki notes many times she isn't "acting like a Loki", but I find it much more probable he's just full of himself instead of her not being one.
Loki is interesting because he is incredibly perceptive yet presumptuous at once. He picked up on two Tony Stark's and deduced it was time travel, but he assumed they were trying a last ditch effort to stop him since he succeeded. He is very perceptive of what Sylvie is trying to accomplish, but he doesn't understand WHY she wants to (he's been told, but he can't fathom not wanting to rule).
The point is, Loki's narrative is not the factual narrative. He notices Sylvie doesn't act like him and that's true! But he speaks of it like she can't be a Loki because he OBVIOUSLY is the gold standard when tons of evidence already listed in earlier sections speak to this difference being due to different life experiences, and his failure to acknowledge this so far is because of his ego, at least in my mind.
Also, the two are also very similar in a lot of respects. Sylvie guesses his sexuality and he in turn says she must be the same, they also both have an affinity for bladed weapons.
I believe the scene where they both try to get into the woman's home illustrates their similarity VERY well. They try different ways of getting in, yes. But they both assume the other will fail, they both are incredibly confident, and both of their confidences get them shot.
5) If she isn't a Loki, why impersonate him?
That's a genuine question, if you have an answer let me know.
What is the benefit of impersonating a Loki? It offers no tactical advantage in my mind. Sure, she is the TVA's biggest threat, but she seems to not understand the general viewpoint of Loki. Mobius calls him pathetic and states Loki's have the highest variance rate, they must be fairly easy to catch.
You could argue that she impersonated a Loki BECAUSE the TVA expects so little of Loki, which is a fair point i can't counter. However, it did blow up in her face since Loki was able to track her (and him tracking her as fast as he did is more evidence that she is indeed a Loki).
So, in Conclusion,
She is certainly at least partially based on an Enchantress from the comics, but I believe there is more than enough evidence to show, both in the show Loki and the MCU as a whole, that she is truly a variant of Loki.
#loki#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#loki spoilers#episode 3#mcu#sylvie odinsdottir#sylvie laufeydottir#sylvie lushton#TVA#Time variance authority#genderqueer#genderfluid
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
TOG rambling
Hello! This post has to do with Andy and some revelations at the end of Force Multiplied. Spoilers I give aren’t super specific but they’re there, and I can’t promise they won’t bite.
This is also in response to a TOG discord question I couldn’t stop thinking about, regarding Andy’s history as compared to Nicky’s, as posited by Em | salzundhonig:
But Nicky's past as a crusader and his growth from his past was well received, surely that'll be the same with Andy right?
I apologize if these ramblings sound like a rant but I swear my intentions are in the spirit of debate/discourse, and they are not an attack on any individuals.
The TL;DR is: Andy has work to do. Hopefully Hollywood and Rucka don’t fuck that up.
Feel free to check/correct/call me out if I’ve misspoke anywhere here (I realize I still have a lot to learn) but IMHO, I don’t think a semblance of Andy’s growth will be well received. Or, at least, I’m not so certain it should be because, in the comics, I genuinely don’t think Andy has grown.
At the end of Force Multiplied, she still defends her actions with the “this is how I grew up” argument, and says it was “a long time ago,” and as much as I love love LOVE Andromache the Scythian for her badassery and how she’s a vision of female empowerment, I can’t help but think about how I hear those words all the time from people defending themselves against racist and/or sexist comments from so-called bygone eras.
Wanna know a sad difference between those people and our beloved Andy? They apologize for what they’ve done, or who they were. As hollow as the words will sound, however unforgivable their actions, however self-serving the apology will be— Those Asshats apologize.
Comic!Andy never does, not even when confronted by Nile, an African American woman who likely descends from slaves, and has undoubtedly experienced racism and discrimination on a regular basis. It’s been thousands of years and Andy doesn’t even know how to say sorry (if she ever does, kudos to whoever finds a timestamp/panel, and let me know!).
Instead, Andy buries the truth of her actions with a load of justifications to the point that she becomes self-deprecating, calling herself “vermin,” concluding she’s no better than the apathetic, selfish, evil POS they hunt. She may have spent the past millennia with TOG, trying to make things right but then—
But then she gives up. She’s tired. She resigns because she doesn’t have it in her anymore to fight the injustice she once willingly and self-servingly participated in. So, on top of being incapable of apology, Andy also doesn’t vow to do better. She doesn’t accede to change.
If there is one reason for why “The Old Guard” is a fucking absolutely shitty title, is that it refers to people who refuse to accept new ideas and progress. We are in a fandom that has four canonically queer characters, three people of color, and two female leads! Maybe the irony is intentional but damn, why is it that Andy, PROTAGONIST #1, hasn’t completely caught up with the program?
And that brings me to why I think Andy’s reckoning will not be on the same level as Nicky’s. Because as popular as Kaysanova is, neither Nicky or Joe are the main protagonists of TOG.
We don’t follow Nicky or Joe (or Booker) into scenes. The men are strictly back-at-the-ranch, supporting characters. We follow Andy or Nile (who also have the most screen time, I believe, but fact-check me). Filmically speaking, we ought to value them with a measure of precedence. Their words and actions matter the most, especially Andy’s by nature of how everyone looks to her for guidance.
So, with all that in mind: How does one reconcile a beloved protagonist with a despicable past in slavery, of all things? In the wake of an international racial reckoning, how is a celebrated, white South African actress going to fulfill that role? How is production going to balance fantasy with reality? How are Rucka and other involved writers (Theron, Prince-Bythewood?) going to alter the original IP, while retaining the nuance of this moral quandry?
Forgive me for the overkill but: How is it going to happen?
I’m well aware that my thoughts are going down a rabbit hole, and I am definitely overthinking this, but as somebody who’s genuinely curious about whether Victoria Mahoney and the rest of the TOG crew will have the guts to confront the issue head-on, or if they’ll take the easy way out. Excise the bits that no one wants to talk about, much less watch in a feel-good film that TOG has become for many fans.
Whatever production ends up doing, I hope that 2O2G doesn’t end on a cliffhanging “pity Andromache” note because, damn, I’m gonna feel real uncomfortable scrolling through fandom posts, reading people defending slavery and giving the same “the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” spiel, in order to protect a fictional character played by a conventionally-attractive cis heterosexual white woman.
(Also: If the past is so different from the present, why are there still calls for social justice? Why do ALL industries still lack diverse and equitable representation?)
Now, this is where I’ll go back to the original question and say: While I think Nicky functions well as an example for change/growth/redemption, I don’t think his change serves as a good comparison to Andy’s. I say this, even while I’m aware of double standards in gender, and even between the reception of gay characters vs lesbian characters vs etc. (re: I’m open to critique).
My line of thought stems from the fact that, canonically, Nicky always had Joe. The two have seemingly been inseparable from the moment they first killed each other. It’s likely that Joe would check Nicky whenever he said or did something wrong and offensive, and perhaps this symbiosis was mutual.
(I also have a feeling that many people easily disregarded the Christian/Muslim conflict because A) lack of knowledge in BOTH religions and B) the onscreen couple appear very much in love, especially when one is giving a beautiful monologue on the nature of their relationship. When we meet Joe and Nicky, we meet them at their best. Shout-out to interfaith couples who know more about this than my single (and secular) ass does, and might have more to say about this.)
On the other hand: Andy never had someone who was like how Joe was for Nicky. No one ever calls out Andy because A) she’s the oldest, B) she’s the lead, and C) her business card says ANDROMACHE OF SCYTHIA, WAR GOD.
Yeah, she had Quynh/Noriko but— at the risk of yelling at Rucka for vilifying a queer woman of color (or praising him for not leaning on the stereotype of Asian passivity? idk, anyone got thoughts on this?)— Noriko is clearly not encouraging good behavior. Neither will Quynh if Netflix lets 2O2G be as faithful to the comics as TOG1 was.
Which means the Law 282 conversation might be…unavoidable? Somewhere along the line, we still end up in the hotel room with Andy, on the floor, pleading for her crew to not abandon her, even though she is the one who abandoned their cause.
This sets up a circumstance in which Fade Away might be spent trying to redeem Andy/Charlize Theron, bring her back to the “good side,” teaching her to be better— thereby highlighting her experience and “salvation,” rather than making a point of her past, and the reality of her actions. In other words, a “pity the white woman” fest.
(Because I’m crossing my fingers that TOG production/Netflix know better) In an effort to prevent that from happening, I wonder if Rucka will combine Force Multiplied with Fade Away for the 2O2G script. Given the series’ track record, I think it is feasible that FA’s release coincides with 2O2G’s, and that it finally resolves Andy. Whether by revitalizing her energy as a do-some-gooder, or finalizing her vulnerability by putting her 6,000 years to rest, thus handing off the reigns to Nile and a new generation of leadership.
The last thing I want to leave off with is: I don’t hate Andy. It’s a credit to Rucka and fellow writers (from film and fandom) that I don’t.
I might not love her character as enthusiastically as I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not amazed by her creation. She’s a female lead whose sexuality is not exploited by the male gaze; whose emotional vulnerability is not considered a hindrance to, nor an explanation for, her battle prowess; and whose unabashed queerness is not reinforced by cookie cutter stereotypes. Andromache the Scythian is AMAZING.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to excuse or ignore her most glaring and contemptible flaw. More than anything, I’d love to sweep her past under the carpet so that 2O2G can be problem-free. Like many people, I just want to enjoy a movie without getting triggered.
I want to see Quynh and Andy kiss and make up. I want to see Joe rocking Those Shorts, and a cheeky shot of Nicky appreciating his ass. I want to see Nile welcoming Booker back to the family again. Some form of group therapy would be chef’s kiss.
But something about glossing over/removing slavery from Andy’s narrative reeks of dishonesty, and reminds me that the (Hollywood) movie industry is full of people who do not want to be tainted with negative perceptions. Understandably, appearances are their livelihood— but that particular truth is something they still have to reckon with.
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
dude ...I used to hope Taylor swift was bi / a fellow lesbian out of optimism lol, because i admire her work and when seen through the lens of a closeted woman all the secrecy metaphors make a lot of sense.... it would be so fascinating and heartbreaking if it were true! but I’m getting too old for conspiracies . I dunno. What keeps you believing?
okay so! i’m gonna preface this with a few things: it’s gonna be long bc i haven’t talked about taylor in a long time and i’m having Feelings and Thoughts, and my journey with miss swift is necessarily very personal and i won’t pretend otherwise!
firstly: i don’t think i need to “keep” being convinced. for me it’s not an ongoing search for evidence - i believe that her songs speak for themselves and all the personal clues that might or might not be reaches are just icing on the cake.
i grew up in a country music-listening household and loved tim mcgraw when it came out as a single when i was in middle school! i was pretty much hooked on her songwriting for then on, and her albums always seemed to come out at pivotal points of my life. “we are never ever getting back together” was the soundtrack to my move to university in 2012 and 1989 coincided with my junior year which was revelatory in that it was the time when i was really coming to terms with being gay. my journey with taylor dovetails super closely with my own personal journey, in ways that i think are familiar to a lot of people. as a young girl i latched onto her storytelling and her confessional voice and then as i began to realize i was experiencing attraction to women, i found a lot of comfort and understanding in her lyrics. this happened for me really late in life compared to some people! i was 21/22 when i first identified as bi, and it wasn’t until later i began to think it was possible i was a lesbian. my experience with unlearning compulsory heterosexuality, examining my own emotional interior life, and thinking about why it took me over 20 years to even consider i could possibly love women made me look at taylor in a new light.
i think everything i need is in her music. that’s where taylor is at her most uninhibited and truthful. i think when you look at the themes/relationships she’s been writing about since she was a teen, you can see that as long as you’re willing to suspend the presupposition that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, she writes in a way that resonates with gay women for a reason!! as a younger artist she relied on a lot of fairy tale imagery, perspective shifts, and idealized stories of love. especially when she talks about those songs.... (and she still does this), she’s always connecting them to movies, to books, to things outside of her own experience. and when she is clearly talking about herself, she takes second-person pov or otherwise spins narratives that are full of yearning and a hope for a perfect fairytale in the future. i think that mode of almost.... daydreaming about an idealized version of a love story hits close to home for us! and then her later albums are MUCH louder, with themes (as people have pointed out over and over again) that just don’t hold much weight if you view them through the lense of a very famous wealthy woman writing about equally well-to-do white men. when i hear songs about forbidden love, itching to hold the hand of your beloved in public, crying over seeing heroes die alone, spinning a portrait of a life in the future where she can share her home and her love with all her friends.... when she writes so acutely of pain and agony associated with living in a fishbowl and enduring long periods of being undercover and secretive with only stolen moments of peace/beauty.... EVERYTHING i need to believe she’s not straight is in her songwriting, which i view through the personal lense of being a gay woman myself.
everything else... the masterposts and the powerpoints and the “clues”... those are helpful in terms of opening your eyes to the concept of PR relationships and recognizing that just because you’re fed something by a celebrity doesn’t mean it’s real, but it’s not the base of my feelings about taylor. i will say though, i originally was convinced that taylor was a lesbian because of swiftgron, what we know about the two of them publicly without any reaching was enough for me to recontexualize lyrics i thought i knew the story behind, and to start thinking about her whole body of work differently. i will say also that i was never one to follow along with taylor’s personal life until this point, i had a passing awarness of the men she was supposed to have dated but i didn’t give it much thought. however, i saw swiftgron stuff right as i was recognizing i was gay myself, so it opened my eyes and almost... gave me permission to understand that het is not the default!! then of course i’ve been active since 1989 and watced kaylor unfold in real time. it is still my belief that during the glass closeting era, they were obvious because the kaylor rumors benefited both of them and laid the groundwork for a coming out that was derailed by kissgate. everything afterwards..... well...
i am not a fan of thinking of this as a “conspiracy” i think that that idea is perpetuated by homophobes that think that everyone is straight and assuming otherwise is somehow an insult or a gross invasion of privacy. i think the vast majority of people who think taylor is gay are doing what all swifties do, which is analyze her music with a layer of projection and personal identification. however i do think that taylor encouraged the speculation for a while, and fully intended to leverage existing kaylor fans into a solid base when she came out (which i do think was planned post-yntcd but was shelved). i think there is PLENTY to look at in her public image and personal posts/behavior that would lead to a person who is willing to look at things objectively to come to the conclusion that she wasn’t straight. she has absolute control over her image and there were too many public outings and “coincidences” to be an accident.
HOWEVER i think that people who run blogs or talk about her gayness based on obscure clues and overanalyzing every micro-movement are missing the point and often too dedicated to their own placement as “Big Blogs” or receivers of “intel”, in a way that is mostly embarassing and myopic. i have always always been of the general opinion that we will never know every detail of taylor’s relationships, nor are we entitled to that information. she is a breathing, thinking, complicated woman with a HUGE public life and an equally huge private life that belongs to her alone.
building a public platform based on smoke signals and secret messages and inside sources has never been something i’m at all interested in, and is largely unnecessary. her story is all right there in the lyrics of her songs, and the things she shares with us publicly. i do think there have been hints/clues in the past and they’re very fun to analyze (which she encouraged!!), but much of the digging/reaching is unnecessary! we will never know for sure until she comes out herself, but i believe that her whole body of work and her messaging speaks for itself. the only thing keeping people from more widely accepting this is truly the assumption that being heterosexual is a default, and you have to Prove otherwise with a preponderance of evidence. i readily admit all of this is influenced by my experiences and emotions as a gay woman, but everyone projects onto taylor swift.
i’m fully convinced based on her music + her past public relationships with women like dianna and karlie + her intentional hints that she is a lesbian. however i am not interested in inventing “evidence” because she’s not on trial! and i’m happy to wait for her to come out, which i absolutely think was planned for lover era and then abandoned for various reasons!!
184 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Review of Masters of the Universe Revelation - Better late then Never...
It has been two months now, and wow... Not, not many fans of the entire franchise like the Kevin Smith Masters of the Universe series do they? As an aspiring writer myself I can't say I blame them.
I know this comes literally on the heels of the LATEST series being released (obligations to projects, work, family and other things got in the way) and I have to say I wasn't all that impressed with it. If anything, compared to the dumpster fire that was Season 8 of Voltron Legendary Defender that season was more enjoyable than this first part of the mini-series.
And if I am being honest from the first leaks of Skele-God, to the drama with YouTubers like Clownfish-TV and others, to the "race swapping" of Andra and King Greyskull, to spoilers Kevin Smith himself even made, I would give Part-1 a GENEROUS D-Minus. This is a shame because I really wanted this series to exceed all expectations and be equal to the original like 2012s TMNT is or 2011s ThunderCats. But there is too much against it.
First, let’s talk about the animation. It was absolutely breathtaking! It was crisp, the world-building in just the scenery was a masterpiece. Out of what I saw of all of part 1, spotted one goof - dealing in episode 1 with Evil-Lyn's staff, which shows that their animators care of what they produce. I loved the animation so much that if the rights to my favorite anime were purchased by a studio to do a continuation from 2005 or a second reboot, I'd gladly give Powerhouse Animation my salary for the next 5 years!
The music, the music was gorgeous! But then I am biased towards Bear McCreary. Even though He-Man seems a bit knew to compose music to, he immediately got my vote of confidence when it was announced he was attached. Reason being, his work for the movie Godzilla King of the Monsters! His music made me actually tear up during that movie. Something I didn't do since another Godzilla movie.
With the exception of Mark Hamill - as shocking as it comes and Sarah Michelle Gellar, the voice acting was phenomenal! I loved Kevin Michael Richards as Beastman, Tony Todd as ScareGlow, even Liam Cunningham as Duncan! Chris Wood was spectacular as Prince Adam/He-Man for just being introduced to him. But the one who really stole the show for me was Lena Headdy. She killed it as Evil-Lyn, so much that if the Eternity War Saga or 2 part crossover event ThunderCats and He-Man/Injustice vs Masters of the Universe were made into live-action or animated movies, I'd pay whatever she wanted just to have her return.
I also want to applaud the effort of getting a diverse group of voice actors. Something which I noticed few if ANY have. Actors who are both known for their VA resumes and those who are new to voice acting. But also the actors themselves, besides the white and black VAs there were if I am not mistaken a Native American and I think 2 Mixed-Race voice actors. I don't remember if there were any Asian or Middle Eastern VAs, but it is always Part-2!
As for Mark Hamill, at first, I was excited that he was going to do the voice of Skeletor. But upon hearing him as Skeletor, I'm not sure anymore. Granted this is just the first part of the mini-series, but it didn't feel like Skeletor if that makes sense? To me, it felt like he was trying to mix Joker/Alvin the Treacherous/and Firelord Orzi all into one character.
Sarah Michelle Gellar is another one I wasn't sure about. I admit I found it hard going in unbiased because I never liked Sarah. Not as Gwendy Doll, or Andromeda, Daphne and certainly not as Buffy - mainly because I preferred Kristy Swanson as Buffy, but that is beside the point. She had some nice emotional spots, but for the majority of her performance as Teela, it just wasn't there for me. If the writing and script had been better than what it was, she could have won me over for Teela, but as I write this I am more excited for Kimberly Brooks to voice Teela.
Now let’s talk about the things I hated. This will involve anything from Characters including designs to the writing and other things. If you don't want to be triggered I advise you to stop reading this and move on. If you are still here and get triggered, like one person who always seems to be, don't say I didn't warn you. I am always open to engaging others civilly in talking and debate. But if you can't even do that, don't bother engaging. These are my opinions and MY THOUGHTS, and I will hold nothing back regardless of the topic. You have been warned!
The story, the story absolutely sucked! You can tell the writers, if you can call them that, just didn’t care about what they were doing. I’ll go into this shortly. But those writers should be ashamed to even call themselves that. Sure it was catered to be modernized and appealing to potential new fans, but they should have been more aware of what they were doing. Just in this first part, there are so many plotholes and questions I was asking myself that I filled 4 whole pages of paper asking questions and thoughts - which to the fanfic writers I will put in at the end of this if you want to explore them.
I watched the mini-series five times now, trying to be as objective as I possibly could as an aspiring writer and not as a MotU fan, and each time got even more painful. Let’s be clear on one thing, I wanted this series to succeed. But too many things brought it down, and like with Ghost in the Shell 2045, I’m not sure I want Netflix to release part 2 or that I would watch it if they did.
Let’s start with how it was advertised as a “direct sequel to the original.” It was not a direct sequel to the original. I have seen someone bring this up and I have to agree with him. This mini-series is more in line with Nickelodeon’s Voltron-Force from 2011. I remember watching that series when it premiered and then had to hunt down my VHS tapes that had them to get a feel for the series again.
Both played off their respective originals as direct sequels, but both are in fact pseudo-sequels/soft reboots. They have the characters we grew up with and we can identify these characters because they are close to their original counterparts, but that is as far as the “sequel” goes. They bring in newer characters who we know nothing about or characters who have maybe been unimportant to the main characters, but we have to accept them now. It was like that with Mona Lisa in the 2012 TMNT who I enjoyed WHEN they used her, Larmina of Voltron-Force being Allura’s niece, and Andra of Revelation who had maybe 2 or 3 appearances in the entire run of the Masters of the Universe franchise.
Like Voltron-Force, Revelation, had no real ties to the original. There were no mentions of battles, events, and characters who played critical roles in the original. Instead, it starts off with a narrative deposition to set the series up (not matching how the original ended) and just starts in with new adventures. For it to be a direct sequel to an original, you need to have more than just characters we can identify as He-Man/Skeletor/Keith/Lotor/Allura/or Teela.
Next, let’s talk about the length of this mini-series. This is still a bitter subject amongst Voltron fans because so much Netflix could have done more with it if they didn’t do four seasons that were 6/7 episodes. We can all agree that with the “story telling” they wanted to do, just five episodes just were not enough for the first part and potentially the second part. The amount of time needed to portray the journey from Adam’s death to Skeletor taking the power sword and becoming Skelegod could have easily been an entire season. Even 9-10 episodes would have been acceptable with the proper writing that wasn’t going for deliberate shock value goals or “shipping.”
With a 9-10 episode first part, they could have given everyone what they wanted. They could have had He-Man solidly in the first 3 episodes killing him off in the 3rd in such an emotional way it would leave us old-timers not only devastated but eager for more. Use episode 4 to transition into a dying magical world trying to survive with the loss of He-Man and Skeletor and set up the following episode where we see Teela and Andra meet, rather than “next episode we meet Teela and her ‘friend’ Andra on a practically dead world.” Hell, if this was supposed to be a series which wanted to emotionally cripple old timers like me, I’d have been fine if were three season 13 episode series where He-Man dies at the very end of season 1, season 2 picks up with the aftermath of his death, and season 3 is He-Man’s return to defeat Skeletor.
Let’s now talk about the plotholes in this series which tie together with the amount of episodes. These are the biggest things that damage the series the most! The biggest plothole and the most important one is “SPAN OF TIME!” How long has it been since Prince Adam’s death and we see Teela with Andra - days/weeks/months/years - WHAT?! When did they meet? Where did they meet? What happened to Eternos? Did King Randor go all Mad-King Targarian or was Eternos get sacked and destroyed now that He-Man was no longer there to protect its people? Did King Randor put a bounty on Teela’s head for leaving? Remember she was a sworn member of the guard to the King. I doubt he would have just let her leave unless he had a good reason not to go after her. What happened to all the other Masters - Clamp Champ/Ram-Man/Stratos/Buzzoff/Tusk Man and many others in the aftermath of Adam’s death? These are questions and things fans should have been focusing on rather than “will Teela and Andra be together?” Kevin Smith said this series had what others didn’t... STAKES. What are those stakes?
Speaking of Teela and Andra and I know this will be a touchy one for most. I feel that their dynamic is directly done to “queerbait” people. Now I am not saying we can’t have LGBT couples in series, it’s just that writers either need to commit to establishing these couples or not at all. Only doing glimpses or hints at, is for a lack of a better term a Kobayashi Maru - (a No Win Scenario for the Non-Star Trek fans) like it was with Shiro in Voltron Legendary Defender. And if and when this blows up in their faces, like it did the Voltron writers, they have no one to blame but themselves.
Star Trek Lower Decks like every other Star Trek since “The Next Generation” have no qualms in establishing certain characters as LGBT. It is how you do it, and many of these shows need to follow the example from Star Treks TNG/DS9/VOY/LD. This series are a clear testament that you can have Straight/Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual relationships without “queer-baiting” or overtly shoving it in people’s faces.
The writers have made it clear that there is something between Teela and Andra but while also making it clear there is still something between her and Adam. Which regardless of how part 2 ends is liable to upset the fans they “catered” this series to. Who do you make happy and who do you ostracize? And with today’s social media are you going to handle the backlash of giving one and not the other? I personally would prefer Teela and Adam to be what kids today call “Endgame,” but ever since the Keith & Allura tradition was soundly destroyed in Season 2 of Netflix’s Voltron, that when it comes to Netflix series I just simply don’t care anymore who ends up with who, I want a well thought-well developed story.
The character designs of Teela/Andra/Evil-Lyn I understand they wanted a more “modern” realistic feel to them, which I am neither for nor against. Because let’s face it spandex-clad or barely covered barbarian fantasy women with chainmail is a product of the 70s/80s/90s. It is alright to have modern designs for characters but not too modern. Especially when we have shows like Game of Thrones and others to draw references from.
I do admit, I am not a fan of Teela’s design. I understand the reasoning is to make her a “Strong Female Character” but there is more to being a strong female character than looking strong. Strength is also one’s character, how they grow and develop. Teela’s stubbornness, fear, and anger at her “past life” are preventing her growth. If this is the way they portray a strong female character then they have no business doing so.
Kimberly Brooks’ Allura is a far stronger woman than this Teela ever will be. The burdens she shouldered, admitting she was wrong and not gloating when she was correct, the forgiveness of a race responsible for the genocide of her’s, being a diplomat while also being a warrior, sacrificing her well being for others all contributed to her growth from “Princess who just woke up” to Strong Female Character by the end of Season 6.
Teela understandably was hurt by the lies that filled her life. Sure she built a life away from those lies, but she was running away from them. Rather than confront the reason why she became bitter and ran away essentially. She was only forced to confront those lies to save Eternia and the universe and even then there really wasn’t any humility about it. Instead, it is all about her. Not once in this series have I seen growth for Teela’s character like Legendary Defender’s Allura, and let me be perfectly blunt - I had no love for Allura after Season 2. Not once did she admit she was wrong or apologize. Not once was she willing to sacrifice her life for the greater good - instead she was willing to let the whole universe die because of the lies she was fed her life.
Now let me address the whole Race-Bending “controversy.” As with the new designs, I am neither for nor against them. I understand the arguments on both sides when it comes to Andra and King Greyskull. One side argues it appeals to young black girls and boys while the other argues they are being tired of being handed “Hand-Me-Down” characters. Both sides have valid arguments. But honestly, as an old Masters of the Universe fan, it took the so-called “race-swapping” of Andra for me to even remember her because she was never that important and even betrayed Teela for Faker in the Injustice vs Masters of the Universe comics and even then she appeared in maybe 5 panels at most.
Now King Greyskull, at first I was against, I’ll admit it but then I changed my tone looking at myself and my family. See I am Bi-Racial, my mother is white and my father is black. My father’s sister married a white guy and had 6 bi-racial kids. Two who in turn gave birth to white-skinned blond-haired blue-eyed kids. Had they gone the “bloodline” path Prince Adam could have been a representation of not just blacks, whites, but bi-racial and mixed-blood peoples.
I realize this is coming out on the eve of that new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe series, which as a He-Man fan since 1984 (when I was potty training) I will give it a shot, maybe even write a review of it. But I still have my reviews of Godzilla: Singular Point, Pacific Rim: The Black, Star Trek Lower Decks, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2045, and other series to write on top of work and my family life.
-------------------------------~ Question and Thoughts Time ~---------------------------
As I mentioned above, had many thoughts and questions which I believe were pivotal in the development of this series. Questions and thoughts should have been vocalized during the writing stage rather than fans asking them. These are of the first 3 episodes and some of episode 4. If you are a fanfiction writer who wants to explore these feel free to do so, I will be more than happy to read if they answer these questions and make the mini-series more enjoyable.
Keep in mind these are questions and thoughts I had because I am also an aspiring writer of my own fiction - that I am keeping close to my chest until I feel ready to release it.
Any true He-Man fan would question why is He-Man on a mechanical horse when he would be using battle cat
I do like the celebration happening at the same time quote-unquote He-Man is approaching Castle Grayskull it makes you think Adam is missing out on an important event
In the original series, Castle Grayskull had defenses that the Sorceress could call upon to confuse and combat an enemy who breached its walls how did Skeletor learn about the true secrets of Castle Grayskull when it should only be the Sorceress that knows of such secrets
If the Sorceress is so powerful and so smart why was she tricked by the faker He-Man he doesn't have the power sword?
I love that Orko is still a bumbling magician in Eternia’s realm. Shows how different realities have an effect on others
Adams entrance to “I have the power” let alone his playful jab at who “He is” should have been a hint to Teela
I do like the scene between Adam and Teela in the hall. It really makes you think that they actually are friends from childhood that grew up together and possibly have a future together.
My knowledge of the 38 years of the canon may be a bit shady now, but hasn’t Skeletor always needed the Power sword to get into Castle Grayskull like he always needed it in the comics?
They hinted that his mother knows he's He-Man and that she does reveal that he is He-Man after the battle. I know a mother knows these things about her child. But how did she learn Adam was He-Man and how did she not tell King Randor
Again how did Marlena know He-Man was her son and not tell her husband?
King Randor’s response is feasible but Teela’s response, because everyone lied to her is understandable - but she's a warrior. She is also a sworn captain of the royal guard, sworn to the King. She can’t just quit like that, can she?
How much time has passed between the death of Adam and when we see Teela with Andra
What has happened to the Royal Family in this time? What about Eternos? Has King Randor and Marlena revealed that he-man was their son Prince Adam? With He-Man out of the picture Has Eternos Fallen? Did Randor go all Mad-King Targaryen and become a ruthless tyrant?
What has happened to all of the other Masters? Ram-Man/Buzzoff/Clamp Champ/Fisto/Stratos/ and so many others? Were they killed off? Did they disband? Or were they exiled, WHAT?!
What about Snake-Mountain? What happened in the aftermath of Skeletor’s apparent death? Did Triclops and Beastman betray Evil-Lyn?
How did Teela meet Andra? What is the “When, where, and how” behind their meeting? What did she do to gain Teela’s trust when she felt betrayed by the world?
What is Andra’s background or history in this series besides being an engineer?
When old hag gives Teela and Andra their mission you can obviously tell it's evil-lyn
He-Man flashbacks are kind of nice but it would have been nice to have a build-up for such flashback or have a series season before his demise with such flashbacks that way it could be more poignant
I do like the idea of Triclops and Trap-jaw building a technical but what put them on the path for this techno cult
The cult kind of feels like the Borg as much as I like the idea of Trap-jaw and Triclops making a cult I don't know how I feel about it being Borg-like
This may be controversial but Andra feels like the stereotypical POC Rooky sidekick you see join the main character on their quest.
Like Grace Randolph said this whole Teela/Andra angle may come up and bite everyone in the ass later on if they don’t follow through which will piss off all the old-time fans and if they don’t follow through with the Teela/Andra angle and make Prince Adam/Teela are a couple then all the LGBTQ fans will be pissed off about that
I can already foresee it happening just like it did with Voltron Legendary Defender with Shiro being gay and his ex-partner Adam being killed in combat
We do get a hint of what the king did after the final battle but still what happened in that time after Prince Adam was killed? Did king Randor go off the deep end and become a dictator, what? These are questions that needed to be asked and answered during the writing stage
When did Evil-Lyn, Cringer, and the Sorceress make an alliance to save what little magic is left and in essence the entire universe?
I have the suspicion that was the Sorceress finally trying to tell Teela she's her mother Ford Shadows that the Sorceress is going to die and Teela is going to take her place
Did Teela really name Cringer, or was it something to boost her up in this mini-series?
Did cringer really tell Tela the Adam loved her?
Thus Begins the quest to reforge the sword to go to heaven and hell to get the parts and rebuild the Power sword thus queue Duncan
How much time has passed between the end of the previous episode and the beginning of this new one?
How is time measured on Eternia?
If Skeletor truly wanted to kill He-Man why didn't you take his power sword when he was shackled up?
Kevin Conroy is ma as Mermaid Man if he gets more roles as mermaid man he might grow on me
Instead of gloating, why didn’t they take He-Man’s sword if it was their prize all along?
Typical 80s cartoon ponds very nice
If Evil-Lyn preached that Man-at-Arms was the most dangerous man in Eternia why didn't they act like it why did they act like He-Man was the most dangerous one?
I do love the jobs both Teela and Evil-Lyn take at each other because they are pretty much the same. Evil-Lyn is Skeletor’s version of the Sorceress and Teela is practically He-Man sorceress when she accepts her destiny.
Teela has seen her father fight hundreds of times how could you not recognize his fighting style?
I like how beast man's loyalty never swayed from evil when I also like Kevin Michael Richardson parentheses? As Beastman I thought I would like him as King Grayskull but I I do like him as beast man
Orko like Castle Grayskull does provide a little hint as to King Randor’s reaction to Prince Adam’s death. I feel this is something they should have put into the series
I feel that all of Orko's scenes in episode 3 and my Following episode 4 are tainted because of Kevin Smith revealing he gets killed and why he decided to have Oracle killed
Why should Beastman show a little fear to Andra who is she to him?
I like that you can still see that Man at Arms still loves the Sorceress and I also find it funny that when it comes to that one huge secret something always gets in the way
Again I hate how they portrayed the span of time in this?
How did they go from a Forest Village so halfway across the world?
Something's been nagging me lately could Evil-Lyn be related to both Teela and the Sorceress somehow?
It could be a reference to how similar the Figures were in the 80s but in some scenes, Teela and Evil-Lyn’s facial structures look almost identical could you be separated sisters?
The further this point it's funny how Evil-lyn and Kela can just cut through the bullshit between their infatuation with He-Man and Skeletor
Again what time something happened between evil-lyn and Merman we don't know what just that he seems bitter that she didn't take over the land while he took a while he tried to take over the seat
It seems that there are undertones to a massive war and the wake of Prince Adam’s death.
I kind of like how even evil-lyn kind of shows that she may be afraid of subterranean
With half of part 1 ended could Skeletor have them influencing her? Why did she have to retrieve the Havoc staff head?
How does Evil-Lyn know so much about the Subterranea?
Teela facing a false He-Man could be a hint of her feelings for Adam. But I think it would be more of a visceral scene if it was Prince Adam and not He-Man.
Was that a hint of Teela becoming the new sorceress?
Scenes between Orko and Lyn were a nice touch. Maybe a better connection between Orko and Lyn than Teela, He-Man, and the others?
Orko’s sacrifice could be the beginning of the Dark-Orko storyline?
Was that the Sorceress’ most recent ancestor, Teela’s Grandmother or GREAT-Grandmother?
Why didn’t Adam finish the chant? If Kevin Smith borrowed aspects from everything relating to He-Man, then why didn’t Adam finish the chant? A few times Adam has been run through in which he could finish the chant to become He-Man.
If Teela is such a badass, why didn’t she attempt to stop a reconstituting Skeletor from stabbing Adam?
Really Andra? You are going to sass Skeletor? He doesn’t know you and would sleep like a baby dispersing you. You are nothing to him, you are lucky he didn’t decide to run you through with the power sword.
And really Skeletor? Because no woman could love a face like your’s? Thats your motivation?
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okazaki Kei Route Review
After an (admittedly long) hiatus we’ve returned to continue this review series and hopefully finish it off! Our third character is Okazaki Kei, my second favorite character in the game. Kei’s a well meaning security specialist who was assigned to protect Yanagi’s team, but you soon learn pretty early on he’s a glorified spy meant to report their movements back to the police. While I loved him as a person, I have a few qualms with his route. Since it’ll be harder and harder to give my honest opinions on a route without putting in spoilers, this review will start to get fairly SPOILER HEAVY. So be aware if you’re looking to play this game and spoilers will diminish your enjoyment.
Characterization
Okazaki Kei is an incredibly complex individual that is more than he seems from the get go. Considering the common advice is to play Enomoto, Sasazuka, then Okazaki’s route in that order you can view it as the game ramping up the stakes. He’s a seemingly easy going guy housing dark secrets and a host of issues that would probably be tough for a therapist to work through in real life.
And I think the game does a very interesting job of portraying them! Kei balances a lot of charming moments with the more intense ones just enough to get you invested in him and wanting more. His infatuation with Ichika, and by consequence the issues of an insane martyr complex and a possessive streak crops up slowly enough and is properly explained enough that you don’t feel like it’s a case of her being a mary sue. Okazaki is insanely affectionate, and it feels natural to his character in such a way that you think he’d behave this way with anyone. Which makes genuinely becoming closer to him in the story so much more satisfying!
Okay I know I’m seriously gushing about him and his route certainly has its flaws, but I honestly suspended a lot of my disbelief for those flaws. That is to say, the whole way he solves his martyr complex kind of does rest on the power of heterosexual love. But the average otome enjoyer isn’t coming to the genre to see a plotline happen where a man gets six months of therapy.
Plot Relevance
Following up on Sasazuka dealing with a member of Adonis, Okazaki does the same thing. While a lot of his conflict is primarily focused inward, the game doesn’t deprive you of a glimpse into the greater narrative and in fact connects the two fairly easily.
On Ichika’s end, I have to say she did a fair bit of detective work here, most of it actually. Kei is firmly categorized as the brawn, a security guard, so a lot of times Ichika is bouncing ideas off him and taking initiative in the case. A breath of fresh air after dealing with her kind of being made out to be a bumbling idiot in Sasazuka’s route.
Now the greater plot, is um, a piece of work. Okazaki’s route connects his internal conflict with Adonis. We’re shown a flashback of an assassination attempt on the prime minister, and Okazaki mistakenly attempted to save someone instead of committing himself to the job. The consequences were drastic, his partner dying to keep him safe. Except he finds out soon after that same partner was a mole for Adonis, and had a big hand in the assassination attempt. Kei is so traumatized that he develops the martyr complex that I mentioned just a few paragraphs earlier! He latches onto Ichika, because he projects a standard that she’s worth dying for. The narrative makes it clear it’s not because it’s Ichika, but rather because she was in the right place at the right time.
So you expect a lot of the plot to be devoted to this right? Well, yes! But also no. Kei’s Adonis pair is a man who’s part of organized crime and was a former police officer. He grew increasingly dissatisfied with his job, being abused by his superior and constantly having his accomplishments stolen from him by said superior. As a result he grew so discontent with the police force he turned to crime. This is a very touchy and nuanced subject don’t you think? Exposing that police as an institution is rife with the ability for cops to be crooked, combined with them lording their authority over others.
Well the game handles that with all the gentleness of taking a bat to someone’s window. The greater plotline plays out like such a weird pro-cop PSA that I felt kind of disoriented over it. You obviously can’t easily forget that this game is about the police as much as it as about dating guys. But I felt like I was getting slapped in the face over and over with “You NEED cops to protect you. Cops must ALWAYS be there. Corruption is only a few bad apples. Cops are IMPORTANT.” Like, I thought I was playing an otome game. Not debating the police’s general usefulness. And its especially stupid because Kei isn’t even a sterotypical cop! He’s specifically trained in security detail, you know, GUARDING people. Not chasing down criminals! Why was I getting this force fed to me on his route of all places?!
Character Interaction
This is where no exaggeration, the route was saved for me. Kei was accompanied by a junior officer named Hideaki Yoshinari who is effectively his right hand man, and their interactions are as funny as they are endearing. This also gives Ichika a handy outside character to talk to. This, combined with her speaking to her friends in the police force means she gets a wealth of outside interaction until the narrative closes her off a bit. However there’s actually a good explanation this time! I mean, if you can take Kei effectively being the game’s yandere as a good explanation.
Kei and Ichika’s interactions evolve in such a way that are incredibly interesting and pretty well written to me. Kei starts out infatuated with the idea of her, and with the idea of dying for her. He flirts, he gets touchy feely, and he makes her heart flutter. But it’s all in service to himself, and his inner monologues don’t really shy away from that fact. I mean, eventually they do truly fall in love. But Ichika growing to like him and thus not checking out of their potential relationship when she does catch wind of his freaky martyr complex, instead helping him work through it is super nice. And just to mention, the CG below the plot relevance header is an awesome and tension filled moment. Definitely surprised me a little bit.
This is a side note, since I have nowhere else to put this but Kei’s um. Incredibly horny. I don’t know how else to put it, but we ramped up from rather vague innuendos and CGs that didn’t amount to much, to Kei openly talking about having sex with Ichika before the route’s climax (joke completely unintentional I swear). I mean this game is for adults, and every character is in their mid to late 20s, but still with how strong he came on I was shocked. I don’t think it helped that I’ve played pretty much every popular game Yuki Kaji has been in, and hearing the voice of the quintessential guy you call when you want him to play either screaming asshole or normal dude talk about how much he wants to have straight sex with you is crazy.
Final Thoughts
I am being completely serious when I say even though I am giving this route a low score that Kei is still perhaps one of my favorite characters in the game. It’s too bad that the greater plot that intersected with his internal conflict was 5+ hours of having copaganda shoved down my throat. I indicated when I started this review that I don’t have good opinions of the police due to the aforementioned issue of my being black, and police in every country have a very very dark history of abusing their power. So I’m not going to act like that didn’t severely lower my enjoyment.
I’m giving this route a 6.5/10.
But like I said, Kei’s an extremely compelling character. So if you include my completely loving him, maybe you can inflate that rating by about 2 points.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
viewing guide
At its core, divine knowing is an exhibition about knowledge, power, and agency. It’s become a more common understanding that governments, institutions, and algorithms will manipulate the public with what information they frame as fact, fiction, or worthy of attention. Though I am early in researching this topic, I've only come across a minimal amount of mainstream discourse on how the initial threat limiting our scope of knowledge is a refusal to listen to ourselves.
In a world faced with so many threats - humans being violent toward each other, toward animals, toward the earth - it can be a bit unsettling to release the reins and allow ourselves to bear witness for a moment, as we slowly develop a deeper awareness of surrounding phenomena and happenings.
divine knowing includes works by formally trained and self-taught artists. A majority of the artists are bisexual, non-binary, or transgender. Regardless of degree-status, gender, or sexuality, these artists have tapped into the autonomous well of self-knowing. Their artworks speak to tactics for opening up to a more perceptive mode of being. They unravel dependencies on external sources for knowledge and what we might recognize, connect with, or achieve once we do.
The installation Femme Digitale by Sierra Bagish originates from a series she began in 2017 by converting photographs of women that were taken and distributed online without the subject’s consent into paintings. Her practice at the time was concerned with female abjection. Sourcing images found via simple keywords and phrases (e.g., passed out, passed out drunk) she swathes a mass-circulated canon of internet detritus that articulates and produces aggression towards women. With her paintings, she circumvents the images’ original framing mechanisms and subverts these proliferated images through a sincere and personal lens.
These paintings divulge the blurred space between idolatry and denigration these online photos occupy, asking whose desires these images fulfill and what their propagation reveals about the culture producing them. While Bagish's work contends with political motivations, she also remains keenly observant of form and the varying utilities of different media.
“I use the expressive potential of paint as a vehicle to intervene and challenge ideas about photography as a harbinger of the real and everyday.”
Chariot Birthday Wish is an artist and angel living in Brooklyn. They have seen The Matrix 28 times in 2 years and love horses. The tarot series included in divine knowing is their most intuitive project, something they revisit when unsure of what to work on next. The Major Arcana are composed of digital collages made from sourced images, the Minor Arcana are represented by short, poetic, interpretative texts about the cards. The series is played on shuffle, creating a unique reading for each viewer. This is a work in progress that will eventually finalize as a completed deck of digital collages available for purchase.
Chariot's work emerges from a constant consideration of apocalypse and connection. They reference technology in tandem with nature and a desire for unity. Underneath their work's surface conversation on beauty, care, and relationship exists an agenda to subtly evoke a conspiratorial anti-state mindset. Through a collective imagining of how good things could be and how good we want them to be, we might be able to reckon with how bad things are in contrast.
“I think about texting my friends from the middle of the woods...
Humans are a part of nature and we created these things. There's this Bjork quote where she says that "You can use pro tools and still be pagan." I'm really into the idea of using technology as a tool for divination and holy connection with nature. I imagine a scene; being in moss, it's absolute bliss, and then the connection of texting, sharing an image of moss with a friend, sharing that moment through cellular towers.”
The album "adding up" by thanks for coming is composed of songs Rachel Brown wrote during what they believe to be the most challenging year of their life. Rachel now looks back on this time in appreciation, recognizing they grew in ways they had never imagined. The entire year, they were committed to following their feelings to wherever it may lead.
“If I hadn't been open to following the almost indiscernible signs I was being sent, then I would have missed out on some of the most important moments in my life.”
Kimberly Consroe holds a Masters in Anthropology along with degrees in Archaeology, Literature, and History. She is currently a Research Analyst at the US Department of Commerce. Her artwork is a passionate escape from a hectic professional life and touches on themes of feminism and nature.
Her works begin as general ideas; their narrative complexity growing with the amount of time she invests in making each one. Her decoupage process starts with cutting hundreds, if not thousands, pieces of paper. The accumulation of clippings sourced from vintage and current-day magazines overlap to tell a story. In Domestication, Kimberly borrows submissive female figures from found images of Ryan Mcguinness's work and places them in a position of power.
“I believe intuition is associated with emotion and experience. It is wisdom and fear, empathy and outrage, distrust and familiarity. It is what we know before we know it. This relates to my artwork in that, from beginning to end, there is never one complete idea concerning the outcome: it is a personal journey. It emerges from an ephemeral narrative that coalesces into a definitive story.”
Anabelle DeClement is a photographer who primarily works with film and is interested in relationships as they exist within a frame. She is drawn to the mystery of the mundane. Intuition exists in her practice as a feeling of urgency and the decision to act on it --- a drive often used to describe street photography where the camera catches unexpected moments in an urban environment. Anabelle tends to photograph individuals with whom she has established personal relationships in a slow domestic setting. Her sense of urgency lies in capturing moments of peak intimacy, preserving a memory's informal beauty that otherwise may have been forgotten or overlooked.
Gla5 is a visual artist, poet, bookmaker, production designer, and educator. Play is at the center of their practice. Their process is an experimental one embracing impulse and adventure. Their compositions are informed by relationships among bodies of varying shapes, materials, and densities. Interests that come up in their work include a discernment between symbols and non-symbols, dream states, the portrayal of energy in action, and a fixation on forms such as cups, tables, and spoons.
“I generally think of my work as depicting a layer of life that exists underneath what we see in our everyday lives.”
Gladys Harlow is a sound-based performance artist, comedian, and activist who experiments with found objects, contact mics, textures, range, analog formats, present moments, and emotions. Through raw, avant-garbage performance art, they aim to breakdown societal barriers, abolish oppressive systems, and empower communities. Gladys was born in Queens, NY, raised in Miami, FL and has deep roots in Venezuela. Currently haunting in Philadelphia, PA, Gladys is a founding member of Sound Museum Collective. SMC holds space for reconstructing our relationships to sounds by creating a platform for women, nonbinary, and trans sound artists and engineers.
Street Rat is a visceral exploration of the mysteries of life. Attempting to bring heavy concepts to your reality, it is the eye on the ground that sees and translates all intersecting issues as they merge, explode, dissolve, and implode. Street Rat is Gladys Harlow's way of comprehending, coping, feeling, taking action, disrupting the status quo, and rebuilding our path.
All Power To The People originated as a recorded performance intended to demystify sound by revealing the tools, wires, and movements used to create it. All Power To The People evolved into an installation conceived specifically for this exhibition. The installation includes a theremin and oscillator built by Gladys, a tarot deck they made by hand, and books from the artist's personal collection, amongst other elements. Gladys has created a structure of comfort and exploration. They welcome all visitors of divine knowing to play with the instrument, flip freely through the books, and pull a tarot card to take home.
Phoebe Hart is an experimental animator and filmmaker. A majority of her work is centered around mental illness and the line between dreams and reality. Merry Go Round is a sculptural zoetrope that changes in shape and color as it spins. Its form is inspired by nature and its color by the circus. The video’s sound was produced by Hayden Waggener. It consists of reverbing chimes which are in rhythm with the stop animation’s movement; both oscillate seamlessly between serene and anxious states.
“I often don't plan the sculptures or objects I am fabricating, there is a vague image in my mind, and my hands take care of the rest. I find that sometimes overthinking is what can get me and other artists stuck. If I just abandon my judgments and ego, I can really let go and create work that feels like it came inherently from me.”
Powerviolets is the solo project of multi-instrumentalist Violet Hetson who is currently based in New York. After experiencing several false starts while bouncing coast to coast, recording and performing with several lineups, Hetson has finally released her debut album. ~No Boys~ namesake is a sarcastic sign she hung on her suburban CT teenage bedroom door. Violet Hetson grew up primarily listening to punk and hardcore. She parses elements of these genres with influences from bands such as X and Suburban Lawns. ~No Boys~ takes a softer, melodic approach to Hetson's punk roots. Powerviolets' music is linear, unconventional, dark, and airy with a sense of humor.
Mary Hunt is a fiber artist specializing in chain stitch embroidery. This traditional form of embroidery uses vintage machinery and thick thread to create fibrous art and embellishments. They use an approach called "thread painting," which requires each stitch to be hand guided by the turn of a knob underneath the table while the speed of movement is controlled by a foot pedal. Chainstitch works can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 200 hours, encouraging a slow and thoughtful process. Mary uses a Cornely A machine, made in Paris more than 100 years ago.
“I think we are sent messages and guidance constantly. Our intuition is simply our ability to clear the path for those messages. The largest obstacles on my artistic path are usually self-imposed negative thoughts. I simply do things to take care of my spiritual well-being, first and foremost, and the rest follows. If I can trust the universe, trust the process, then I am much more likely to listen to the messages sent my way.”
Jes the Jem is a multi-media artist working with acrylic, watercolor, mold clay, and whatever else she can get her hands on. She uses vivid color to bring joy into the lives of those who view her art. Jes the Jem has experienced a great deal of pain in her life. Through that unique displeasure, she has been gifted a nuanced perspective. She aims to energize the present while paying homage to the past events that shape us. In her art, her life, and her interpersonal relationships, Jes the Jem appreciates the gift of all of life's experiences.
“The pursuit of happiness and understanding is instinct.”
Pamela Kivi pieces together visual scraps she has saved over the years, choosing to fuse them at whatever present moment she sees fit. Her work reflects on creative mania, fleeting emotions, and memories. Pamela's collages are a compilation of unexpected elements that include: old notebooks, cut-outs, text messages or Facebook message conversations, nostalgic cellphone photos, and visual materials she has chosen to hold onto. She prints out, cuts up, scans, edits, repeats. Pamela's artistic practice is deeply personal. It is a submittal to the process of dusting things off until a reflection can be seen, all enacted without an attachment to the end result.
“I rely on intuition and whatever state of mind I am in to whisk me away. In life, I often confuse intuition with anxiety- when it comes to creative work, I can decipher the two.”
Through sobriety, Kendall Kolenik's focus has shifted toward self-discovery and shedding old adaptive patterns, a process that led her to a passion for helping others heal themselves too. In autumn, she will begin her Masters in Social Work at Columbia University.
“I love how when I'm painting my self-doubt becomes so apparent. Painting shows me exactly where my doubt lies, which guides me towards overriding it. When I paint something and lean into doubt, I don't like what comes out. When I take note of the resistance and go with my gut more freely, I love it. This reminds me of my yoga practice. What you practice on the mat is a metaphor for how you show up in life. By breathing through the uncomfortable poses on the mat, you learn to breathe through challenging life moments.
I think we all grow up learning to numb and edit ourselves. We are taught not to trust our feelings; we are told to look outside ourselves for answers when we already have a perfectly good compass within. Painting is an archway back to that for me - rediscovering self-reliance and faith in my first instinct. When I'm creating these rainbow squares, sometimes I move so fast it's like something else is carrying me. I sort of leave myself and enter a trance. Like how you don't have to tell the heart to beat or the lungs to breathe - thinking goes away and I can get so close to my knowing that I become it. I love how art allows me to access my love for ambiguity, interpretation, and an interpretation that feels closer to Truth. I find no greater purpose than guiding people back to safety and reconnecting them with themselves. The most important thing to ever happen in my life was when I stopped trying to deny my reality - listening to your intuition can be like a freefall - no one but you can ever know or tell you - it is a deep trust without any outside proof.”
Lucille Loffredo is a music school dropout, Jewish trans lesbian, and veterinary assistant doing her best to make sure each day is better than the last. Lucille tries to find the music rather than make it. She lets it tell her what it wants to do and what it wants to be. The Wandering EP was in part written as a way to come out to herself. She asks all listeners to please be gentle.
“Change will come, and it will be good. You are who you think you are, no matter how far it seems.”
Whitney Lorenze generally works without reference, making thick, graphic pictures with precise forms conceived almost entirely from her imagination. Images like a slowly rolling car crackling out of a driveway, afternoon sun rays shining through a cloud of humidity, or headlights throwing a lined shadow across a black bedroom inspire her.
“As it concerns my own practice and the creation of artworks generally, I would define intuition as the ability to succumb to some primal creative impulse. Of course, this implies also the ability to resist the temptations of producing a calculated or contrived output.”
Ellie Mesa began teaching herself to paint at the age of 15, exploring landscapes and portraiture. Her work has evolved into a style of painting influenced by surrealism where teddy bears will morph into demons and vice versa. Her work speaks to cuteness, the grotesque, and mystical beings. The painting "Kali" is an homage to the Hindu goddess of creation, destruction, life and death. This was Ellie's first painting after becoming sober and is an expression of the aforementioned forces in her own life. Through meditations on Kali, Elli has been able to find beauty in the cycle of love and loss.
“To me, intuition means doing the thing that feels right whether or not it's what you want it to be. When I'm painting or making a sculpture, I give myself the freedom to follow what feels right, even if that means starting over or changing it completely. I allow the piece to present itself to me instead of forcing something that doesn't want to be.”
Mari Ogihara is a sculptor exploring duality, resilience, beauty, and serenity as experienced through the female gaze. Her work is informed by the duality of womanhood and the contradictions of femininity. In particular, the multitude of roles we inhabit as friend, lover, sister, and mother and their complex associations to the feminine perspective.
“Intuition is an innate, immediate reaction to an experience. While making art, I try to balance intuition, logic, and craftsmanship.”
All Of Me Is War by Ames Valaitis addresses the subconscious rifts society initiates between women, estranging them from each other and themselves.
“It is an unspoken, quick, and quiet battle within me as the feeling of intuition purely, and when I am making a drawing. I am immediately drawn to poses and subject matter that reflect the emotion inside myself, whether it is loud or under the surface. If a line or figure doesn't move me, after working on it for a few minutes, I get rid of it. If something looks right to me immediately, I keep it; nurture it. I try to let go of my vision, let my instinct take hold. I mirror this in my life as I get older, choosing who and what to put my energy into. The feeling is rarely wrong; I'd say we all know inherently when it is time to continue or tap out.”
Chardel Williams is a self-taught artist currently living in Bridgeport. Her biggest inspiration is her birthplace of Jamaica. Chardel views painting as a method for blocking out chaos. Her attraction to the medium springs from its coalescence of freedom, meditative qualities, and the connection it engenders. rears.
“Intuition for me is going where my art flows. I implement it in my practice by simply creating space and time to listen. There are times when what I'm painting is done in everyone else's eyes, but I just keep picking at it. Sometimes I would stop painting a piece and go months without touching it. Then, out of nowhere, be obsessed with finishing. I used to get frustrated with that process, but now I go with it. I stopped calling it a block and just flow with it. I listen because my work talks.”
3 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Mosley, Leonard. Backs to the Wall: London Under Fire, 1939-1954. London: George Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1971; reprint, as Backs to the Wall: The Heroic Story of the People of London During World War II, New York: Random House, 1971.
Each generation gets the history that it needs — or wants, or demands. That’s what kept going through my head as I read Backs to the Wall, which appeared three years after France’s youth explicitly rejected both Charles de Gaulle, the self-appointed leader of the Free French during World War II, and the political ideology that he represented, and amidst ongoing unrest over the Vietnam War. (It’s also worth mentioning that it was published in the same year as Norman Longmate’s How We Lived Then: A History of Everyday Life During the Second World War and two years after Angus Calder’s The People’s War.) This book gives up a World War II narrative in which Churchill was an improvement on Chamberlain only in that he wasn’t an appeaser, de Gaulle was worse than both of them put together, the Allied leaders all cordially loathed each other, half the British public wanted to sue for peace, and there was across-the-board mutual dislike between London civilians and American troops (and British dismay at the way African-American troops were treated by their white counterparts was far from universal). Do I exaggerate? Only slightly. Backs to the Wall is a sort of distant, city-specific pre-echo of Juliet Gardner’s sour 2004 book Wartime: Britain, 1939-45.
As with Wartime, however, this book does have the virtue of introducing us to a number of very interesting people. I became interested in reading it because it brought Vere Hodgson’s wartime diary to public attention. Mosley quotes or paraphrases Hodgson’s writing from the beginning of the war through its end, and also seems to have interviewed her extensively. His primary villain, meanwhile, is not Chamberlain but Chamberlain’s chief acolyte, Henry “Chips” Channon, from whose diary he quotes widely (and who turns out to have been born and raised in the United States, to my surprise). We hear a great deal from the chemist and novelist C.P. Snow and follow the misadventures of two civilians, Jenny Martin and Polly Wright, whose consistency in both bad luck and bad choices meant that neither of them was able to stay out of serious trouble for any length of time.
There are many glimpses of the London home front through the eyes of two boys, both eight when the war began: John Hardiman, of Canning Town and later of Aldgate, who was evacuated in 1939 but soon returned to London, and Donald Ketley of Chadwell Heath, who was never evacuated at all. Donald, who thoroughly enjoyed himself during the war, had an experience that speaks to our own recent reality:
Another good thing: quite early in the Blitz, his school had been totally destroyed by a bomb. Since Donald was shy, a poor student and unpopular with his teacher, he was overjoyed when he heard the place was gone. Thereafter he went each day to his teacher’s home to pick up lessons, which he brought back the next day for marking. In the following months he changed from a poor student to an excellent one, and although he was aware that his teacher rather resented it, he didn’t care.
Mosley also introduces us to Archibald McIndoe, the real-life counterpart of Patrick Jamieson, Bill Patterson’s character in the Foyle’s War episode ‘Enemy Fire.’ Art seems to have imitated life pretty accurately in that instance: he and his burn hospital in East Grinstead were apparently exactly like what was depicted, the only difference being that the hospital was set up in an existing hospital building, not in a requisitioned stately home.
Backs to the Wall seems to have been one of the earliest books to make substantial use of Mass-Observation writings. Most M-O diaries are anonymous, but there are two named diarists here who stand out. John James Donald was a committed pacifist whose air of lofty detachment as he observes the reactions of those around him to air-raids and other wartime event and prepares for his tribunal — which, in the end, he decides not to attend — quickly grows irritating. More interesting is Rosemary Black, a 28-year-old widow, in no small part because she differs markedly from what I had thought of as the archetypical M-O writer. Here’s her self-description on M-O documents: “Upper-middle-class; mother of two children (girls aged 3 and 2); of independent means.” Mosley continues:
She lived in a trim three-story house in a quiet street of the fashionable part of Maida Vale, a short taxi ride from the center of the West End, whose restaurants and theatres she knew well. She was chic and attractive, and lacked very few of the niceties of life: there was Irene, a Hungarian refugee, to look after the children; Helen, a Scottish maid, to look after herself and the house; and a daily cleaning woman to do the major chores.
Black took her children out of London at the beginning of the war but quickly brought them back, and when bombs began falling she kept them in place — air raids might be disruptive for them, but apparently relocation had been worse. She was very much aware that she was riding out the war in a position of privilege, and she often expressed guilt feelings; but this tended to fade away before her irritation at the dominance of “the muddling amateur or the soulless bureaucrat” in the war effort. Offering her services, even as a volunteer, proved very frustrating. “She was young, strong and willing; she typed, spoke languages, was an expert driver and had taken a course in first aid,” Mosley tells us, “but finding a job even as a chauffeur was proving difficult” in September 1940. (She actually wasn’t all that strong physically: as we learn, she suffered from rheumatism which grew worse during the war years and probably affected her outlook.)
Black was greeted with “apathy and indifference” by both A.R.P. and the Women’s Voluntary Service. Early in 1941 she was finally able to get a place handing out tea, sandwiches, cake, and so on to rescue and clean-up workers at bomb sites from a Y.M.C.A. mobile canteen. She was a bit intimidated by the women with whom she found herself working:
Their class is right up to the county family level. Nearly everyone is tall above the average and remarkably hefty, even definitely large, not necessarily fat but broad and brawny. Perhaps this is something to do with the survival of the fittest.
And the work did bring her some satisfaction, even if it was of the type that lent itself to being recorded with tongue placed firmly in cheek:
We had a pleasant and uneventful day’s work serving City fire sites, the General Post Office, demolition workers and Home Guard Stations, etc. We were complimented at least half a dozen times on the quality of our tea ... I think the provision of saccharine for the tea urns to compensate for the mean sugar allowance is my most successful piece of war work. What did you do in the Great War, Mummy? Sneaked pills into the tea urns, darling.
For all her good humor and astute observations, Mrs. Black was far from immune to tiny-mindedness. After an evening out in 1943 she wrote:
I had to wait some time for the others in the cinema foyer, and I was much struck, as often before, by the almost complete absence of English people these days, from the capital of England. Almost every person who came in was either a foreigner, a roaring Jew, or both. The Cumberland [Hotel] has always been a complete New Jerusalem, but this evening it really struck me as no worse than anywhere else! It is really dismaying to see that this should be the result of this war in defence of our country.
Indeed, Mosley cites the results of a multi-year Mass-Observation study that showed a marked increase in anti-Jewish views London’s general population over the course of the war. Since it’s just one study, and since I haven’t seen that study mentioned anywhere else, I am reluctant to trust blindly in its accuracy; and there’s also this:
The small flat which George [Hardiman] had procured for [his family] ... in Aldgate was cleaner and airier than the old house in Canning Town [which had been bombed], and the little Jewish children with whom John now went to school seemed to be cleaner than the ones in Elm Road; at any rate, he no longer came home with nits in his hair.
On the other hand, Mosley himself gives us only a fragmentary view of London’s wartime Jewish population: everyone seems to be either a terrified refugee or an impoverished East Ender. We hear nothing about the substantial middle- and upper-middle class population — mostly of German descent and in some cases German birth — that had already taken shape in Northwest London; and while we are briefly introduced to Sir David Waley, a Treasury official, in connection with the case of an interned Jewish refugee, we aren’t told that Waley himself was Jewish, a member of “the cousinhood.” On yet a third hand, Mosley also quotes other M-O surveys from the same period that indicate largely hostile attitudes to most foreigners in London, with Poles at the bottom of the ladder and the small Dutch contingent on top. (Incidentally, the book’s extremely patchy index identifies Vere Hodgson as a Mass-Observation diarist, which she wasn’t.)
Backs to the Wall closes with a very brief, remarkably non-partisan account of the 1945 general election and its immediate aftermath. “Neither side had any inkling of the way the minds of the British voters were turning,” he writes.
When [Churchill’s] friends suggested that he was a victim of base ingratitude, he shook his head. He would not have such a charge leveled against his beloved countrymen. Ingratitude? "Oh, no," he said quietly, "I wouldn’t call it that. They have had a very hard time."
The book is worth reading for the primary materials that it includes, but it probably tells us as much about the era in which it was written as about the period that it covers.
#world war II#u.k. home front#london#non-fiction after the fact#recommended with reservations#long post
2 notes
·
View notes
Photo
youtube
HARD FEELINGS, the new collaborative project of Hot Chip's Joe Goddard and Amy Douglas, have signed to Domino and unveiled their debut outing 'Holding On Too Long' which is teamed with a Katie Paul-directed video. Douglas says of their debut single, "'Holding On Too Long' is the common denominator of the entire musical union of Amy and Joe. In this "opera of sad bangers" here is its key aria, its "Un Bel Di" from Madame Butterfly or the "Mad Scene" from Lucia Di Lammermour, the unforgettable moment of the story wherein our heroine stands up defiantly and has her moment to wail, scream and cry her pain and fury centre stage to the world." HARD FEELINGS was formed after Goddard reached out to Douglas on Twitter after hearing her work, and simply asking: "Amy, can we make a thing?" [via Line Of Best Fit]
youtube
After recently announcing her debut album Flaw Flower is due June 25 via Illegal Data, London-based musician Harriet Zoe Pittard, aka Zoee, is sharing another slice of her multi-faceted art-pop sounds with her new single'Host'. Speaking about the track, Zoee said "‘Host’ describes the disconcertingly replicant-like nature of a once starry-eyed lover who becomes increasingly detached. The video is inspired by The Twilight Zone and was shot on location in a forest close to where I grew up in Berkshire."
youtube
Nashville-based songwriter Madi Diaz releases 'Nervous,' a new single about recognizing unhealthy coping mechanisms. The song’s frank lyrics are bellied by infectious guitar and Diaz’s buoyant voice: “I know why I lie to myself // I’m not really looking to get healthy // I have so many perspectives I’m losing perspective I make me nervous.” The accompanying video was shot in Nashville and directed by Jordan Bellamy. It was inspired by and includes an homage to the final scene of Andrei Tarkovsky's film The Stalker, a film that has always resonated with Diaz through its otherworldly nature, as well as its thoughtful and often anxiety inducing pace. “You know when you hold a mirror up to a mirror and you get an infinite amount of reflections from every angle? That’s what ‘Nervous’ is about,” says Diaz. “It’s when you’re in a loop of looking at yourself from every vantage point until you’re caught up in your own tangled web of bullshit. It’s about catching yourself acting out your crazy and you’re finally self-aware enough to see it, but you’re still out of your body enough and curious enough to watch yourself do it.”
youtube
Buzzy duo XVOTO have announced that their eagerly-awaited debut EP will be arriving on June 4 on One Two Many. Sharing new single ‘Friends’ alongside the news, Jazz Alonso explains that the track is rooted in “the people who have irreversibly changed you and then having to pretend you’re unphased by them when you’re in the same room. Meanwhile you’re trying to work out what your new boundaries are: can you talk about the past? Can you cry together? Can you show how much pain you’re in around them? ‘If you fish me, I’ll play dead’ means: if you make a move, I’ll pretend I’m dead inside and don’t want you back.” Accompanied by a new vid, Jazz adds, “For this video I always imagined an aquarium because of the fish lyrics and because I think looking at fish in a tank is a really nice symbol of looking back at a relationship: you’ll always have your take on it and feel you have control over that narrative cause it’s a memory, but the reality is that truth is fluid and moves. You’re not looking at an image, you’re looking at something that’s alive. Then the scenes of us getting tattooed on our backs are symbols for something beautiful that scars you - you might move on from something but it’ll still inform the way you move forward. In the video there’s some cheating, some reminiscing, some beauty and some pain.” [via DIY]
youtube
Ashe has released new cut 'Me Without You' as the latest singe off her debut album Ashlyn. It comes teamed with a Jason Lester-directed video. Ashe says of the new single, "'Me Without You' is my follow up to 'Moral Of The Story'. It's saying you thought that I needed you to be who I am. There is my past relationship...I had multiple people... You know, assumed that I needed them in my life to feel confident or to be me and "Me Without You" is just this record that's like, ‘Ooh, I am so good on my own'." [via Line Of Best Fit]
youtube
Mia Nicolai is a true internationalist. Born in Amsterdam to a Russian mother, she learned from a young age to move between languages and cultures, accepting them as equal. This all fuels her future-pop vision, a trans-genre approach laden with colour, one that picks from multiple sources. New single 'People Pleaser' is a surging, coherent, ultra-potent offering, a song that dwells on identity, and the processes by which it is defined. "This song is about the journey towards finding yourself," she explains. "It can be very difficult to be true to your inner values when all you do is please the people around you instead of your inner needs. I’ve always come across as a strong-minded person. But in reality, I’m capable of helping everyone BUT myself. At some point I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin that I couldn’t even breathe properly..." We're able to share the dazzling new video, directed by Isabelle Griffioen and produced by That’s What She Set. A surreal but completely engaging experience, it embodies everything Mia Nicolai sets out to do - put people on the back foot, and alert them to her presence. [via Clash]
youtube
Singer-songwriter Gracie Abrams has shared her poignant new single 'Mess It Up' and its accompanying video via Interscope Records. Directed by Matty Peacock, the video for 'Mess It Up' finds Abrams attempting to bake a cake and repeatedly dropping the gorgeously frosted final product on the ground. That bittersweet back-and-forth between determination and disappointment is a perfect match for Abrams’s incisive lyrics, which simultaneously convey a deep longing for forgiveness and an unshakable sense of frustration. Produced by and co-written with her frequent collaborator Blake Slatkin, the track’s stark guitar work and driving rhythms slowly take on a powerful momentum, ultimately building to a sweetly triumphant climax. [via Vacancy]
youtube
Vocalist and guitarist Maya Delilah shares the visuals for her new single 'Need A Word With Cupid'. The track unravels into a punchy number that gives you a hit of both dopamine and female empowerment. Written about realising your worth after a relationship breakup, Maya’s lyrics are little witty statements that we can all use to remind ourselves who the hell we are. “Last Tuesday morning I just realised you’re shit” – it’s the truth. The video sees her waiting in cupid’s reception ready to get her money back because, damn, this boy was not worth her energy. At. All. 'Need A Word With Cupid' is a brilliant narrative that’s not only relatable but also incredibly good. Brimming with smooth guitar tones and a catchy beat, this is a single that leaves you wanting so much more. A self-love anthem for the modern woman, 'Need A Word With Cupid' is an indie-pop bop. Maya says: “'Need A Word With Cupid' was written after my breakup when I felt a sudden hit of empowerment after the realisation that my ex was not worth another tear over. It’s an energetic and uplifting song with soul influences and of course a guitar solo to end.“ [via LOCK]
youtube
With her debut EP Digital Meadow arriving on May 28, Dora Jar is sharing the video for her single ‘Multiply’. “I am my truest form when I am changing shape, morphing sounds, and shifting my point of view,” she says of the forthcoming EP. “This project is an exploration of my impulse to shape-shift. That’s my ambition.” [via DIY]
youtube
Telenova's new-arriving single 'Tranquilize' makes it two-from-two for the band, deeper solidifying their rich blend of sounds while showing how it can move into further areas, taking on new energies - or emphasising other energies - as more songs come to light. 'Tranquillize', for example, has a heavier weighting on that live instrumentation, giving the song this more alt-pop-meets-R&B spin when combined with Angeline's brilliant-as-ever vocals. As she explains, the single was the first for Telenova, written on the day they began working with one another. "I was actually flicking through a thesaurus and the word ‘Tranquilize’ jumped out at me, it just rang so nicely on the tongue and was so inherently visceral," she says. "I was humming gibberish over the hypnotic Rhodes chords that Josh had laid down, and we heard what sounded like ‘Poseidon’s on the water’ - it was the first time in a writing session with Ed and Josh, and the first time I’d been in a writing session where a poetic, literary lyric idea like that wasn’t shunned and coined as ‘unrelatable’. It resonated. We followed the thread, playing into Siren mythology as a metaphor for falling in love - the power of attraction to transfix and tranquillize you." The single also arrives with an official video clip, directed by Angeline - solidifying her multi-talented craft. "I wanted to capture the world of the song in a Lynchian-inspired dreamscape - starry-eyed and a little unhinged - but like, David Lynch meets Gucci," she says. [via Pilerats]
youtube
International superstar P!nk has more than two decades of experience topping the global pop charts, and she is here to continue her reign with the new single 'All I Know So Far'. 'All I Know So Far' was produced by pop mastermind Greg Kurstin and co-written with the songwriting duo Benj Pasek & Justin Paul. The single comes off of her upcoming album All I Know So Far: Setlist, due out on RCA Records on May 21. The accompanying video for 'All I Know So Far' tells Pink’s life story with help from Cher, Judith Light, and Carey Hart. The visuals, directed by longtime collaborator Dave Meyers, also features an appearance from her daughter Willow. The new album will feature live recordings from her 2019 'Beautiful Trauma World Tour' along with a recording of her highly-buzzed MTV Video Vanguard Award acceptance speech. P!nk’s daughter Willow will also make an appearance on the album with the song 'Cover Me in Sunshine', which the singer previously shared back in February. [via Consequence]
#videos of the week#hard feelings#zoee#madi diaz#xvoto#ashe#mia nicolai#gracie abrams#maya delilah#dora jar#telenova#p!nk
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
#there is so much i could say about betsey's family/home life based soley off implications from ep 1 and 4 that explain her self worth issues#remind me and I'll make a post maybe <-- yes please write a meta on Betsey! I miss your metas, and we talk so little about Betsey aside form her support of Adil and Toby
okay so, I know I said based off ep1 and ep4, but I firstly want to make a really quick point about ep7 because it sort of sets up some of my argument.
So, in episode 7 right at the end Sonny make a point about Betsey when he tells Garland “She sings as if her heart is breaking. You know the best part? It’s all an act. She doesn’t mean a word of it”. Why should we believe, especially this late in the show, that her act stops when she gets off the stage? She has a reputation, and Betsey absolutely plays into it, regardless of how it actually reflects on her. Other people’s comments can’t hurt her if her every reaction to them is saying “so what if I am?”
Mostly what I was referring to in my original tag was Betsey’s introduction in episode 1, and the introduction of her mother in episode 4. Because intoductions are important, and because Gloria’s characterisation tells us so much about Betsey, in that it provides context to how she is now, whilst also showing us what her life was like before.
Emma introduces us to Betsey, but it isn’t really until Mrs Hobbs comes in and says “You can tell your little whore friend...” that the audience really gets a feel for how people perceive Betsey. Betsey’s face is hidden from the other characters in the room, so only the audience gets to see her face drop when she hears Mrs Hobbs. After Hobbs leaves, Betsey acts really put up upon and over dramatic, after which we mostly just assume is how Betsey is after that, because that’s how she acts all the time. She’s always a little dramatic, a little fast, and very confident in herself. But for a few seconds before she lets Emma see, you can tell she’s actually really hurt. There’s also the implication that this isn’t the first time someone’s called her that too.
Then, of course, is the absolute mine field that is Betesy’s relationship with her mother. She shows up unannounced, likely would have left in the same manner under normal circumstances. Sonny knows her, but Garland doesn’t, this and other points implying that Gloria hasn’t seen Betsey since she started working at the Halcyon, but on an aside, very sweetly implies that the Sonny Sullivan Band have been together long before they came to the hotel. There’s the implication that Gloria disappears on Betsey all the time, including when she was a child. She’s poor, she’s a thief, she’s racist, she’s a drunk, she’s over confident and dramatic to make up for the fact that she is hyper-aware that she does not fit in with the clientele, or even the staff to a degree, at the hotel.
Gloria calls the man she was living with “Martin” rather than “Your Father” when she talks about leaving him to Betsey, and Betsey only ever refers to this man as “Him”, compared to how Gloria then follows up with “I’ve moved in with your aunt”, which has just enough contrast to draw attention to it. Which could imply any number of things, but mostly seems to allow the audience that a) Betsey has no emotional attachment to this man, and b) that she doesn’t particularly like or think highly of him. But the point I’m trying to make here is that Gloria has clearly been living with Martin on and off for a fairly long time at this point, and he mostly likely has no relation to Betsey, but, Gloria’s last name is still Day, same as Betsey. From this, we infer that Gloria and Martin aren’t married, which was a big deal in the 40s for obvious reasons. As such, it would have been fairly common for Gloria to have been called a wh*re and similar names due to this, and of course, this would transfer onto Betsey, regardless of her own sex life, because of the idea that if your parents are a certain way then their children must be the same.
Which brings me to my next point, when Sonny tells Gloria “Can’t promise anything Miss Day.” as she leaves again.
MISS Day. Not Mrs. Gloria never married. Which means Betsey is illegitimate.
Illegitimate children a written off by society before they’re even born. People will automatically assume they will never amount to anything, and then on top of that, Gloria isn’t the kind of woman that society would respect either. Gloria being the single mother to an illegitimate daughter, plus Betsey’s comments about her hemlines, could possibly be argued that Gloria did sex work at some point, possibly fairly recently, likely stopping when Martin let her move in - which says something about the type of man he is... - which of course, transfers onto Betsey too. Additionally, based on this, it is likely that not only Betsey, but possibly even Gloria, don’t have any idea of who Betsey’s father is, further exacerbating the issue.
In actual fact, Betsey’s comment “She’s drinking less and her hems are longer, really think this time she’ll stick around” very closely mimics not just Betsey’s reputation as other people perceive her, but also her own ideas about who she is - “easy come easy go, that’s Betsey Day for you.” and “I’m a flirt and I drink too much”. In this way, it appears that Betsey unconsciously sees her mother’s life as a mirror to her own, as well as something to be avoided at all costs, and even narratively, Gloria mirrors Betsey in this way, to the point that Emma quite literally points it out to us when she says “at least we know where you get it from”. Betsey’s face is so tightly controlled when Emma says this too; in fact the entire scene where they’re both looking for Gloria, Betsey keeps her face blank and her voice flat and emotionless, even when she apologises to Emma for dragging her into this, and when Emma tries to sympathise, Betsey cracks for a second and immediately leaves. We talk about how other characters are terrible with emotions, but Betsey really doesn’t like being vulnerable, even around Emma, who is supposed to be her best friend. The one exception to this is Sonny, and that’s because he doesn’t let her bottle it up, and in return trusts her with his own vulnerably.
However, this further implies that people have never been permanent fixtures in Betsey’s life in the general sense. Whether or not Gloria walking out on Betsey was her forgetting her at home/on the street for a handful of days or weeks, or dropping her off an an orphanage for months or years before trying to get her back, is obviously unknown. But if Betsey doesn’t even trust Emma not to leave her if she knows the truth about her/her mother, then of course it makes sense that Betsey has fallen into a come-and-go mentality, and leaves everything behind every few years when she feels like she is getting too attached.
Furthermore, the fact that multiple people tell us that Betsey drinks a lot and sleeps around, even Betsey herself, but despite this we never actually see this ourselves. We only see her take a drink once, clearly a first drink of the night, right before she goes on stage in ep4. I just find it interesting that despite people calling her a drunk, we never actually see it, especially since we see Toby drunk more than once, and Joe literally day drinks. And ordinarily, this type of telling instead of showing would be bad writing, but based on everything else, Betsey saying “...and I drink too much” feels like this narrative that’s been pushed on her so heavily that Betsey started parroting it too, regardless of if it’s true or not.
Therefore, I would argue that most of Betsey’s reputation is heavily exaggerated because of who she is, her family, and how she grew up. And she embraces this reputation as a defence mechanism to prevent other people getting close to her, so she doesn’t get hurt when they leave, because from what she’s experienced, people always leave eventually. People get this idea that she’s morally questionable because she’s illegitimate, and whilst Gloria does try for Betsey to a degree, she largely exacerbates this problem and makes things generally harder for Betsey to manage, because her mother basically represents all her dirty laundry. As such, not only does Sonny returning her feelings genuinely surprise Betsey, but the way he never asks anything of her except asking her to stay breaks through to her so unexpectedly that she can’t even try to hold him at arm’s length after that.
17 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
goodflagintheshadows
case
entrelagrimasydolor
Aeternum
suratgarh69suck
Untitled
marniiiiiii-blog
Untitled