#i completely agree! i was not as brave as OP in my post about the video and i didnt tag it properly bc cr discourse is a scary place | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

darlingpetao3 · 3 years

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Thank You For Ruining My Life: An Homage to Tom Cavanagh

“You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.”

The costume-clad woman had the courage of steel to say this to the then 53-year-old actor, Tom Cavanagh of The Flash, in front of a ballroom filled with a couple hundred people. This brave utterance was spoken during the 2016 Fan Expo Vancouver convention during a Flash question and answer period with actors Tom Cavanagh and Candice Patton. In its third season, the show was undoubtedly still hitting its stride in popularity, and the room was packed to hear these two speak.

The brave woman whose turn it was at the microphone was referring to Tom’s role as Ed Stevens on the NBC 2000 hit, Ed. I had not known of this show previously, but having now heard such a proclamation intrigued me. “You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.” That was a tempting notion, and as I continued to listen to this disarmingly charming and wittingly funny man steal the stage, Tom intrigued me even more. I’d watched him play three different versions of Harrison Wells on The Flash since the show’s premiere date, yet I hadn’t truly noticed him in a “life-ruining” way before.

Little did I know that Tom Cavanagh would not only eventually ruin my expectations for men as well, but he would change my life in other ways, too.

After the Q&A, I had this urge to buy a S.T.A.R. Labs T-shirt from one of the vendors at the convention. In my head, I thought I would purchase something so that I could have an excuse to talk to Mr. Cavanagh at his signing booth. Again, he intrigued me, and I wanted to experience more of his incredibly likeable personality. So, I dragged my friend with me to wait for what was maybe ten minutes in a queue. Shortly, I was paying the assistant for my autograph I would soon acquire. They wrote my name on a sticky note so that Tom would know how to sign a personalized message to me. And then, it was my turn.

His eyes sparkled when he turned his attention to me. I instantly had a feeling this was just the way he was naturally. Oh yeah, and I swear to God I’d never seen eyes that blue in my entire life. It genuinely stunned me.

“Hi!” he greeted me.

“Hi!” I responded, equally as thrilled. Tom admired the T-shirt I had brought and took note of my name on the piece of paper. I remember us joking together about the extremely lax security in and around S.T.A.R. Labs on the show, which prompted his message to me on the heather-grey cotton. He wrote my name, [followed by a heart!] and a very welcoming, ‘Come on by, just walk right in!’

I had official clearance from Harrison Wells himself.

I thanked him very much, leaving with my treasure folded over my arms. My friend and I walked towards the hall’s exit, and I couldn’t shake this feeling inside me. It felt strange—I couldn’t name it for the life of me. It felt like an odd fluttering with a simultaneous yet contradictory slightness of breath. My head was confused and would continue to be so for the rest of that weekend.

As I waited at my gate in the airport on that Sunday evening to head home, all I knew was that the moments at the con featuring Tom were the highlights of the weekend for me.

And that I was going to begin watching more of the other films and television shows he’d been in. What was the show the brave cosplaying woman had said ruined her expectations of men? Oh yeah, Ed.

Maybe I’ll start there…

***

Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad…

In my house, it’s never really Christmastime until Michael Bublé croons through the speakers of the wooden stereo system in the living room. It felt especially festive as it was now Christmas Eve—a month and some change since the con. It was late, possibly ten o’clock. I was lying on the floor in front of the Christmas tree with my trusty laptop, a word document open. I was writing three holiday-song short stories featuring the new muse in my life, Harrison Wells. I wanted to be able to post them the next day, so my fingers were taptaptapping away.

I had written a handful of things before 2017, most of which had been Marvel-related, under my second, ‘rebirth’ pen name online. I was a little fish among all the grand and fabulous writers on Archive of Our Own, and in many ways, I still feel like that little fish. I was only just learning and feeling out the psyche of the Wells characters. Each one is so different. In my rewatch of the previous seasons of The Flash, I’d taken diligent notes, and as I’d later learn with each following rewatch, I would know them all—what they think, how they talk and behave—like the back of my hand. It was fun to suss out these guys, and I found that I was growing to love the act of writing even more.

One month later, in January, I would post all the stories I’d written thus far on Tumblr. I’d just created an account and, who knows? Maybe I’d get a wider range of readers on here, too.

Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

Wild horses couldn’t keep me from attending Fan Expo Vancouver 2017, especially when the big news dropped. Not only would Tom Cavanagh be attending again, but so would Carlos Valdes, Danielle Panabaker, Candice Patton, and the convention-elusive star of the show himself, Grant Gustin.

Before the moderator for the Flash cast’s Q&A panel could utter the final thanks to the actors at the end of the session, I bounded from my seat and sped down to the photo op booth where the cast would be taking “Team Up” photos with fans. ‘Sped down’ has to be the most appropriate couple of words because I indeed felt like a true Speedster dressed head to toe as the small screen’s adaptation of Jesse Quick, the angsty and brilliant daughter to Harrison Wells turned superhero.

After waiting in a queue that felt like ages, I was next to stand with Team Flash. As I took a step forward, all of the actors’ and actresses’ eyes—the people I spend time with every Tuesday evening—were on me. I heard a familiar voice approve of my costume. It was Danielle.

“Tremendous.”

Grant even joked that he thought for a second Violett Beane, the actress who plays Jesse Quick, had shown up to surprise them. “I was like, what’s Violett doing here?” he said.

I stood in the back row, happily sandwiched between Tom and Carlos. I dared to let my hands rest on their backs, and I couldn’t contain my joy. Shortly after, when I received my near-instant physical photograph of the moment, I saw Tom had pointed at me. In my mind, it felt as if in his gesture, he meant, hey, look at this cool person. Haha. I couldn’t be further from it.

I would go on to further be uncool in public as I later found myself virtually shaking and almost hyperventilating in line for a one-on-one photo op with Tom. The guy dressed as Kid Flash behind me gave me a few encouragements of the “it’ll be okay” variety. As my turn finally arrived, the lovely man of the hour greeted me with a bright smile in recognition of my Reverse Flash T-shirt (I had done a quick change before this photo op because I had worn a Flash T-shirt for a photo with Grant).

“Great shirt!”

The internet comes up with many hilarious and fitting words, but none such so than the term “Cavanarms.” One of the said Cavanarms found its way around my shoulder in such a casual way. My hand rested on his back, and I have told anyone who will listen about how soft his sweater was. What was approximately a five-second interaction will stay with me forever. And to this day, I will always regret how I’m standing beside him in the picture—there’s a distinguishable gap between us. I could have been closer—should have been!—but I like to use the fact that I felt as if I’d combust into flames if I were any closer to the man.

Maybe I’d have another chance to combust later again that day because, believe it or not, this fan hadn’t had enough of seeing Mr. Cavanagh in person. And since he was appearing at the con for this day only, there was no way I was going to squander any opportunities. Besides, there was still one final thing left on my convention docket: the autograph. In my mind, going to get his autograph was an excuse to get to talk to him and simply be in his presence for longer than five seconds. Here, take my money. I’m a sucker, and I’m proud of it. I saved all year for this kind of thing, and Fan Expo has always been my ultimate nerdy Treat Yoself Day.

Plus, this year I came equipped with a question for Tom (something for which I may have prepared a little too far in advance).

“Which of your characters would win in a lawyering battle: Ed or Miles?”

Miles was Tom’s latest character from his newly released project Darrow & Darrow, a fellow lawyer as Ed Stevens (remember, the man who ruins women’s expectations of men?), whom he portrayed almost two decades prior. What I loved about Tom when I got to ask him this was that he was silent for a moment following the question. He was genuinely putting thought into my question. As he pondered, Tom continued to autograph the photo of us together taken mere hours ago.

“Ed. He would wipe the floor with that other guy. Like, Miles is great, but Ed has a rapier-sharp mind, you know?”

I wholeheartedly agreed with his answer and felt relieved inside for some reason. We thanked each other (as politely as two Canadians can) before I left him to pay attention to the next lucky soul in line. I made the mistake of casting my eyes downward at the signed photo.

Tom had signed two little hearts over the I’s in my name. He really needed to stop adding hearts to my things, or I was just going to melt to the floor. In fact, I started to make these strange noises as I tried not to completely maul everyone in front of me while exiting. My friend ushered me as fast as physically possible on our way out of the main hall. One man took one look at me and asked, “Are you okay?”

No.

“Yep!”

The second I made it out of the herd, I broke out into open space. First came the minor hyperventilating. Then came the squealing followed by laughter. Top it off with various fangirlish comments of, “He’s so beautiful!”, “His eyes are so blue!” and “I love him!” and I was probably quite the sight to see (but at a convention, that’s considered normal!). My friend smiled on as she let me express everything that I had to keep inside until I had the right time to expel my emotions. I was on cloud nine. Ten, if at all possible.

The next day would be the con’s final day, which I would attend alone. My friend needed to catch the ferry in order to prepare for her courses the day after. I did a scan of the convention hall one final time in case there was something I missed purchasing. Afterwards, I sat on the cold hard flooring of the convention centre hallway for a bit of a break. I was wiped out. With my phone in hand, I smiled at the messages from this one Tumblr blogger who had been following my posted adventures at the con. I had seen and replied to many of her comments on my stories I’d written thus far, and I enjoyed her matching enthusiasm for Tom and The Flash in general. I felt her to be a kindred spirit. I had no idea then that I was chatting with one of my future best friends, L.

***

I spotted her.

She was wearing an identical shirt to the one I had on—a light grey T-shirt with a sequinned Spider-Man mask in the corner, which around it read, We met on the Web. A giddy me couldn’t wait for the short escalator ride to end. Her back was to me and facing the baggage claim, so here was my chance to surprise her instead.

I towered over my friend, E, and donned a low, authoritative voice.

“Excuse me, Miss, can you come with me?”

She squealed a greeting to me and I returned it as we hugged for the very first time after two and a half years of online friendship. We would still have about two hours to kill until our mutual Tumblr best friend, L, touched down at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport from across the Pond.

Something I noticed was that E and I carried on talking during our wait like it was second nature, that we hung out like this all the time. Whereas when I met L in person for the first time the year previously, our first meeting was that of quiet, delighted shock, unknowing how to react to one another’s physical presence. It almost felt like a fantasy. The closest thing we’d ever gotten to this was visiting over video chats! I’m not sure what each of these different reactions in these separate meetings meant, but what I do know is that I’ve never had such strong female friendships such as these—so full of uplifting support and love for one another. They are the greatest ladies I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

And as a searching L eventually turned the corner to meet us in the Arrivals terminal, I caught sight of her Tom & Grant bandana tied around the handle to her carry-on bag. It was an item she had received in return for helping fund the short film produced in 2018 (I’d bought the ringtone). Seeing the accessory jolted me to remember that the former of the titular short was the reason for this long-awaited get-together holiday in the Windy City in the first place. Tom Cavanagh, unbeknownst to him, had just officially united three online friends, each from a different country, to spend six full days of in-person bonding and a whole lot of fun.

***

I should have been shelving books.

I should have been doing a lot of library-related tasks, but my head was elsewhere. Anywhere other than the small-town public library where I work. Instead, I sat on the carpeted floor of the Junior/Young Adult section with my phone in hand and a dreadful article title staring back at me.

“The Flash: Carlos Valdes and Tom Cavanagh to Exit after 7 Seasons.”

My world felt like it was falling apart.

Tom was leaving? There had been rumours and wonderings spreading around the fandom regarding whether he was leaving the show. With a storyline ending with a monumental sacrifice and a time-travelling man saying his farewells, it all seemed to point to the fact. I should have known… I could have rivalled Supergirl as being the Paragon of Hope after all the optimism I doled out to my followers and friends who would come to me worried Tom would exit the show. I would always give reasons to deny such a thing could happen, claiming that I’d believe when I saw it.

Well, there it was, and I definitely saw it.

One could feel the ripple effect over the internet of the shards of broken and riled-up hearts around the world.

Tom’s exit was on his terms, having not felt challenged by his character’s plotlines, as mentioned in a recent Entertainment Weekly article. As a viewer—and I am a viewer (Mike and Tom Eat Snacks, anyone?), it has been increasingly difficult to look past the missed shots made by story editors and showrunner, so understandably, the actor would want to seek something more exciting and meatier. That said, Tom has always shone on-screen and taken what he’s been given in stride. He turns unearthed material into diamonds and indeed shines on screen. Steals it, even! Tom easily makes the episodes he’s in better, and when he’s missing, you feel the loss. The few episodes of Season 7 without him only give us a tiny hint at how the show will be without him going forward. It much resembles when you might bring out your favourite jigsaw puzzle, only to find that the one piece you need to complete it isn’t there.

***

On a personal note, as I write this, I am roughly 20 followers away from reaching a milestone of 2,000. I have written well over 200 stories for The Flash alone (whether they be short or long, one-shots or chaptered), and goodness knows how many words I’ve generated altogether over the course of these many years with inspiration from the show and my favourite character. I’ve written and co-written novel-length stories, one monumental Wellsian story of which was done alongside L and E (almost solely done through alternating text messaging in the app, Line) that reached over 108,000 words and consisted of 42 chapters. And when I’m not writing for my blog, I’m also working on trying to accomplish my dream of becoming a published author. Just as I thought before I launched my Tumblr blog, I think again now: Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

I have watched virtually everything Tom has been in that I could get my hands on, both physically and electronically. Sure, a few titles are out of my reach and probably lost to the very early 90's forever, but from what I've seen through Tom's filmography is enough to know that he can do anything. He can play the romantic leading man that will make you fall head over heels for him or a deranged killer that will have you genuinely scared of him. That is talent. Tom always brings something new to the table from each role to the next, and (when he's not playing those psycho killers) you can't help but admire his craft.

Not only is his acting stellar, but from what we as fans have gathered on the man, Tom has got to be one of the kindest men in the business. His humour and sheer ridiculousness could get anyone through a tough time (we’ve seen plenty of bloopers and behind-the-scenes videos to prove this!). He has clearly bottled and stored an endless supply of Fountain of Youth™ and each year continues to wow us with his handsomeness. Tom is charming, dedicated, and yes, arguably holds the world record for Bluest Eyes.

In my eyes, Tom Cavanagh gave me the two best friends I could have ever asked for, as well as plenty more lovely friends I’ve continued to make online. (One day, I hope to meet him again so that I can tell him in person how because of him, I’ve met such very important people in my life). Through Tom, I have truly found my passion for writing, and in doing so, segued me to dare to dream of becoming a published novelist. I wholeheartedly believe all of this would not have happened if it weren’t for those first series of events that led me to meet Tom and love and admire him immensely. He is indisputable proof that there are indeed men like him out there. Indeed, he did ruin all of my future expectations of men. He ruined my life in the absolute best way and I am eternally grateful.

I am very much looking forward to what Tom will do next. I think it’s rather needless to say that I will follow him in his career, as he has gained a devoted fan for life. He represents so much to me and so much of it I have gained since meeting him that fateful day, when I thought to myself, Maybe I should buy this T-shirt and get this guy to sign it. Wherever Tom goes in life, I’ll be here to cheer him on.

I have a pretty good feeling plenty of others will, too.

#i don't exactly want to tag this with his name #but this is a personal essay of sorts regarding tom cavanagh's effect on my life #if you decide to read I hope you enjoy it!

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ohnobjyx · 4 years

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I clicked on that link of xz supporting his friend and it looks like people were using that to say he's gay (not like b/jyx ppl I don't think but ppl who hate him) and then ppl saying no he's straight cause that's what his friend wrote, am I right?

Hi, anon! Sorry it took me soooo long to answer it. For those who have forgotten what anon is talking about, it was one of my reblogs (which I can’t seem to find rn), that included this link to XZ supporting a friend of his who had come out of the closet.

Short answer: your interpretation of the article wasn’t that wrong, but I’m not sure if you’ve got the correct sequence of the story, so here it is my answer.

Disclaimer: fake fake fake, ofc.

For those who don’t know Chinese, let me explain a bit first. The OP from the link is asking: is XZ straight?

The most liked answer is talking about a reply gg left on a friend’s post in 2011, back when he was still a university student (but the screenshot is from after gg had debuted, so his username had the X-9 part).

A friend of gg had posted about his new bf, effectively coming out with it.Gg appeared in the comments section:

Gg: Aiyo!! please explain

Friend: buf, seeing you appearing so suddenly, I feel a death aura from you~

Gg: Haha... you didn’t tell me even though you got a partner, congratulations! hehe

Friend: Maybe I can bring him next time we hang out and introduce him to you, haha, thank cute xiao-jie’s congratulations~ I just didn’t dare to tell you~

Gg: You didn’t dare to tell me... why? haha

Friend: (blurred out text) ... straight, you aren’t gay~

Gg: (embarrased/sad face 囧).... aren’t we friends.... if we are, I’d congratulate you...

The text that accompanies the photo says: because XZ is straight, his gay friend didn’t dare to come out of the closet to him, and xz answered: we’re friends, I’d congratulate you.

There are more screenshots accompanying that one:

A classmate saying in 2013: more than 180 cm tall, knows how to wear fashionably, sings beautifully, can take good photos, no saving for me. What’s more important, he’s not gay

A reply to a post asking whether gg’d been outed: what! his direct classmate (gay) vouched for him and told me himself that he was straight!

It also includes a photoshopped post of gg using “gay slang”, that was later proved by fans that it was photoshop and that gg never posted those words.

So the photo and the other rumours were being spread by haters and antis, saying that gg was gay in a not-good way. Please remember that there is a difference between believing that someone must be lgbt, and a whole another thing to say that someone has an “abnormal sexual orientation”. The tone is important!

This is very complicated in an upsetting way. The “proof” attached by this user replying to whether gg is gay was trying to prove that gg is not gay, just supportive of lgbt, because they believe that being gay is bad. So, anon, you’ve encountered well-meaning fans trying to defend their idol from rumours they believe will damage their image (there’s no need to say that they’re probably solo fans, I think).

In summary:

A user asked “is XZ gay?”

The most liked reply (673 likes) says that he must be straight since his gay friends said he is. This user also clears up some rumours about gg using lgbt slang in a public post, which is definitely false.

I think this reply was probably written by a xfx (gg’s solo fans), though the post was quite homophobic. They probably had well-meaning intentions, like “I’m defending his name and his reputation!” but whether it was actually beneficial is very debatable.

Once again, I don’t think it would be good for them if bjyx started to say “they’re gay” publicly (the use of their names is prohibited in the supertopic for a reason!) but to deny it so vehemently isn’t exactly helpful for them in the long run, imo. This doesn’t apply in this case, obviously, because the writer felt that saying that gg was gay is an offense.

A little bonus (pure speculation!):

Please notice that I’ve highlighted that there was a part of the friend’s reply that was blurred out, precisely in the part in which the friend says “you seemed straight, you aren’t gay” part.

This conversation is very old and gg’s posts aren’t visible if they’re older than 6 months, so we can only rely on screenshots for these things. The name of his friend is blurred out for obvious reasons, but for some reason, a part of his friend reply is also blurred out.

Why is it blurred out? It may be completely unconsequential and unimportant, just a editing mistake, but I can’t help but think that if a part of the text was blurred out by solo fans, there might be something they don’t want others to see. What does it say? Maybe we’ll never find out.

Bonus nº2:

Btw, gg has a very brave friend, who dared to come out when the things weren’t looking so good for those who dared to be different. Cheering for gg’s friend from here!

Bonus nº3:

A lot of the replies were affirming that he must be straight, since he had a girlfriend before, while he was studying at the university. And I’m like.... bisexuality? Discovering your sexuality after having a romantic partner? There are a couple options out there, but they are just... refusing to see them? I must admit that this is quite confusing, especially this phrase from one of the replies: “he had a girlfriend, he can’t be bisexual!”

Bonus nº4:

For those who might be disheartened by that xfx (and I feel very tired just by reading so much homophobia, since most of the replies had a very harsh tone), here I have the last sentence of a reply by another solo fan (at least they didn’t give the vibe of being a bxg, and they spent a long post talking about gg’s qualities), even though they said at first “he must be straight...”:

“... If there’s any possibility of you not being straight, I want you to not be afraid of letting us fans down, you have to chase bravely for your own happiness! I’ll be guarding you from here! As we agreed, protecting each other, feeling proud for each other!”

Another reply I liked:

“What age is it, is important whether he’s gay? In Taiwan same sex marriage has even been legalized, must our thinking remain so stubborn and traditional? Don’t fans like him because he’s a role model, a talented person? As long as he remains in this industry and keeps his heart, isn’t it enough? And I’d like to add another thing, must love be limited by gender? Whether he’s straight isn’t important, for me, as long as there are aspects I like of him, I’ll enjoy him”

And this:

Whether he is or not doesn’t matter, as long as he’s happy

#my post #ask #anon #'is he gay?' article

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thatsjustrwde · 3 years

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For the RWBY character prompt thing: you gotta tell me about Ironwood for sure! And if somebody already asked, how's about Qrow? :)

OH BABEY A DOUBLE (I’m gunna put Qrow in a separate post to avoid making this too long) thank you so much!

Warning: This is a PRO IRONWOOD POST. I also go into team RWBY taking responsibility for their abuse towards Ozpin. Don’t read this if you don’t like it. You’ve been warned

My top three two ships for Ironwood

1) Ironqrow (Ironwood x Qrow) {Volumes 3-7}

I have loved the idea of these two since the fall of beacon. When they first interacted, I wasn’t too sure about them because it seemed like they didn’t really like each other.. but that scene where all the robots were turning on beacon and Qrow spotted ironwood, ran at him with his scythe, only to jump over him and save him from a Grimm, sold the ship to me. It was clear that they didn’t actually despise each other. Qrow wasn’t quick to point fingers; he knew that what was going on wasn’t James’ fault, and he even tried to add a little bit of comic relief to the scene. (When ironwood’s ship fell, and Qrow smirked “well, it won’t be much of a walk”)

My love for the ship was reinforced in v6 (yeah I know it was the fan service volume but I’m rolling with it anyway). Qrow knew that they HAD to get to ironwood in order to complete their goal. He trusted James, and he knew that he was a smart and capable leader who would know what to do (ah,, the good old days ;;)

And then in the early episodes of v7, their bickering that we once saw in v3 was non existent. They were happy to see each other, and James even initiated a hug. He was just so relieved to see him ;; it made my heart melt, I remember posting about this moment so much, all over instagram and tumblr. I loved them so dearly.

2) Ironwood x Glynda (idk if they have a ship name)

God,, I always loved them. that scene in v2 with Ironwood and Glynda standing together in the dead of night looking over the city of vale was so special to me. I love Glynda and her character, she is so dynamic. that scene with her and ironwood showed to us that she truly respected and cared for him and his well-being. She was worried for him as well. I just wish they had more interactions before his death. they would have been very sweet and POWERFUL together.

My three least favourite ships for Ironwood

1) Ironqrow {Volumes 7-8}

Oh boy. RT really knows how to take something good and just, ruin it huh.

I feel as though I don’t need to dive too deep into this (as I’ll be covering Ironwood’s fall from grace later) but yeah... The fight with Qrow and Clover was.. unfortunate. Everyone seemed to lose their braincells in that scene, and the moment it was over, Qrow was dead set on killing Ironwood for some reason even though he was the one who decided to side with a literal murderer, but go off MKEK you really did something there...

Yepp this absolutely killed the ship for me in canon (though I stilln love thinking about them out of the canon setting), I was an absolute wreck after this scene. they deserved better.

2) Ironwood x Winter

don’t worry I’m not about to pull the “IRONWOOD WAS AN ABUSIVE FATHER FIGURE AND GROOMED HER CAREERRHYUGGHR” no.

I always saw Ironwood as a POSITIVE father figure to winter, even before v7. We knew that winter was one of his best soldiers, and was most likely one of his students before then. I believe that Ironwood gave winter a chance at something great, to leave her actual abusive father and hone her skills as a soldier instead of becoming the heiress to a company that she did not want to be tied to. I believe Ironwood was a stellar father figure and role model to her, and that is the reason why I do not ship them. their relationship was so much deeper than that. it was found family.

3) Ironwood x Salem

What the fuck. Like actually what? This was a thing? What is it with this fandom and glorifying abusive relationships... I remember seeing a lot of people trying to justify it like “awh salem was so sweet with him she just wanted him to stop fighting. She would leave him alone after!!” Thats manipulation honey, we don’t fuck with that here. no. Absolutely not

My biggest criticism for Ironwood

See: the reason I made this side blog

It’s no secret to us in the RWDE community that his fall into the role of the villain was POORLY WRITTEN AND WE ALL HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. where the hell did this even come from? oh I know! TEAM RWBY LYING TO HIS FACE AFTER HE WAS NOTHING BUT KIND AND GENEROUS TO THEM. god I’m heated already.

I’ve talked about his stupid semblance before but it doesn’t even matter because his semblance wasn’t the cause of his descent anyway. We were all HOPING that it was but nope! it was him “losing his humanity” because he lost his other arm. How fucked up is that.

Shitty writing aside, I know James had flaws even before the shitshow that was v7-8, but honestly there was nothing he did that I can criticize harshly. He was a good and honest man with good intentions and a pure, big heart made of gold. Of course he made mistakes and of course he wasn’t perfect, but he was always trying to do the right thing to protect the people. He was a good man until MKEK decided they needed a reason to kill off another headmaster.

My favourite thing about Ironwood

his MUSCLES

His willingness to sacrifice himself to save others. During the fall of beacon he told the students that they didn’t have to stay, even though he could have used the help greatly. But he KNEW that they weren’t ready to handle a crisis like this, and he didn’t want to force them into a responsibility that could have left them emotionally/physically damaged, or worse.

During the Ironwood and Watts fight, IRONWOOD MANGLED HIS OWN ARM TO CAPTURE WATTS. He was so headstrong and brave and he wanted to do everything he could to prevent Salem, even if that meant hurting himself and losing another part of himself. God I miss him so much ;; I’m tearing up a little writing all of this...

A head canon I have for Ironwood

I love creating head canons for characters, it always makes them feel more real to me. one of my biggest head canons is that, in a peaceful world setting, he would enjoy sleeping in on the weekends. ;;. He is a headmaster AND a general which means he has to follow a strict schedule all the time. Maybe this is coming from my desire to take care of him and make sure he is happy and healthy and not stressed out.. But yeah, lazy Sundays, sleeping in late. pls let him sleep he needs so much sleep. What I would change about Ironwood if I were making a rewrite

Strap in kiddos I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time. I’m sure that someone has come up with a similar concept, but I will share my ideas anyway (: I am going to preface this by saying that for this rewrite to work, we need to have Winter receive the Winter maiden powers from Freya in V7. To start, we will have to go back all the way to v2 when Ironwood was first introduced. I would have Ozpin and Glynda share their concerns to each other about Ironwood bringing all of his ships to look over the festival, but I would take that time to thoroughly explain his semblance. His semblance is stupid, so I would make some changes. To start off, I wouldn’t make it passive. The way it is now is just,, a weird way to give him a mental illness without actually giving him a mental illness. Activating it would have to be a decision that he made if he knew that he had to make decisions that would be hard for him. This way if his semblance caused him to do something actually horrible, he would be directly accountable for it, instead of blaming him for something that he couldn’t control. Semblances are a representation of the user, so with time and with more stress put onto Ironwood, I could see him falling victim to his own semblance if he were to abuse it too much. This will help as we lead into a better way to write his fall from grace.

From there, I would keep pretty much everything the same until we get to v7. Team RWBY arrives in Atlas and gets arrested and brought to Ironwood just as they do in canon. This time, however, we have Oscar explain EVERYTHING. No lying. Salem cannot be killed. Oscar explains that Ozpin shut himself off after team RWBY forced the truth out of him, and while the truth is a lot for Ironwood to handle, he understands why Ozpin kept it a secret. He shuns team RWBY for their methods and explains why their actions were unnecessary and abusive, but agrees to help them anyway since he knows that they all need to come together if this is going to work. Hence, his arc kind of goes backwards. Instead of team RWBY having his trust from the beginning, they will need to work to gain it back.

He takes Oscar under his wing to try and draw Ozpin back out. He greets Qrow, they fall in love, he also formally introduces the team to the Ace Ops. The Ace Ops take an IMMEDIATE backseat in the story. We don’t need more characters. For the sake of this rewrite specifically, they are barely around. We are focusing on Ironwood and his growth/relationships. I would explore more times to show the deep connection between him and Winter. As I said earlier, I see him as a healthy father figure for her, so I would definitely focus on that for a bit. At this point, Winter would not have received the maidens power yet, so we could have a scene of him assuring her that she is a perfect fit for the role, and encouraging her and just,, you know, solidifying that he wasn’t pressuring her into doing it.

Carrying on with the main plot, instead of being left in the dark for the whole season, Ironwood is already aware that Salem cannot be killed. This gives him and the rest of the team a lot of time to work on a new plan to defeat her. They spend lots of time training, Ironwood takes care of them, offering his resources to them. Overtime the team do start to gain his trust little by little again, but this will all kinda fall apart when Salem arrives.

With stress levels higher than ever, he activates his semblance. Team RWBY and friends KNOW about his semblance and they understand why he is acting irrationally. Maybe they have different ideas than him, but they would not directly oppose him. This completely fixes him from becoming a cartoon villain. Team RWBY and friends would work WITH Ironwood at a distance to fix amity and get global communications back up safely. From there, Ironwood could deliver a message to the world about Salem. Since people know who he is, it will make the message more impactful. Just like he did with his message to Mantle.

Qrow and Winter are positives in his life. They keep trying to ground him and bring him back to reality, but he will not deactivate his semblance. He is too scared of what’s to come with Salem. They support him in this, and do not turn their back on him.

Winter receives the maiden’s power, and is told to open the vault to obtain the staff and raise atlas further into the sky to save his people. Winter agrees, why wouldn’t she? They have already evacuated most of mantle to atlas anyway. In situations like this it’s impossible to save everyone. RWBY could whine and bitch if they wanted to, but there is nothing they could do in this situation because, for the sake of this rewrite, they wouldn’t be as stupid as they are in the canon proper.

The vault is open and the staff is vulnerable. It is in this moment that the ACTUAL VILLIAN comes into play. Watts took advantage of the security from behind the scenes, giving Salem the exact time that the vault was open. And thanks to him overhearing everything, he knows that all she needs to do is use the staff, and Atlas will fall. Salem appears in the room, and the big finale battle would occur. They weren’t ready yet. They hadn’t finalized the plan to stop her without killing her. Team RWBY Oscar and Qrow would do their best to keep Salem distracted while Winter and Ironwood speak to the staff. Meanwhile, Neo could breach Ironwood’s office and retrieve the relic of knowledge for Salem.

The battle plays out, she keeps coming back, the team gets tired, Salem loses her patience and just PLOWS through them to get to the staff. She enters the realm and the mystical world around them begins to shatter and break. With that much concentrated evil in this place coming up out of nowhere, it would be sure to shift the balance.

She goes head to head against Winter and Ironwood for the staff. She knows that using the staff will cause Atlas to come crashing down, so that is exactly what she does. Since he is already out, she just gives him a command. It doesn’t matter what it is. Atlas starts to fall. She strikes a lethal blow to Ironwood (Keeping the theme of her killing headmasters) and flees with the staff. Qrow runs to his side, he and winter are crying, Team RWBY is upset, OZPIN IS UPSET. With his aura broken and his semblance down, he smiles at them all, says that he is proud of them for their work and he knows that they will find a way to defeat her. He tells them to get out and save themselves, save as many people as they can. They do that, but for further angst, Qrow stays with him, holding him and crying against him as Atlas falls. Team RWBY use the gravity dust keeping Atlas falling slowly to their advantage. They get as many people as they can into airships and send them to mistral. They then make their own way to Vacuo... Since global communications are back up, the world would know about this. This would give Shade academy a good chance to prepare. (damn I could write a fic)

What I think of Ironwood’s allusion and what I would change.

It’s dumb the way that CRWBY has portrayed it. In the story of the Wizard of Oz, the tin man doesn’t have a heart, but learns to love overtime. I used THIS aspect for helping my rewrite of Ironwood. He was hardened at the beginning, but managed to trust again and eventually smiled and said that he was proud of team RWBY and friends in his dying moments. It’s just more impactful that way I think.

#long post #ironwood #pro ironwood #ironqrow #rwde #rwby crit

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shadlad24 · 3 years

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Observations from “Sins of the Past”

So, I watched the Xena Warrior Princess series premiere all the way through last night. ’Twas the first time I’d seen it since completing the whole series. Naturally, I took down seventy-two larger notes about it. I will spare this post the entirety of my ramblings. haha I guess I’ll give you fifteen of them. Is that a good number? Hope so! 🥲 Oh, also; please don’t mind my goofy Meg-like nicknames for people.

Xena doesn’t only look back for Gabrielle. How interesting. She first looks back at and then aids random other villagers. Perhaps this is another sign of what GW did for Xe. (Then again, maybe Xe was looking for GW that first time but didn’t have long enough to find her? Either way, she looked for GW twice after that. Hmm…)

GabbyWabs is SO bossy! 😆 Why does Hector have to let the others go? Why does Xena have to teach you everything she knows and take you with her? Maybe GW was always a princess, Amazon or not.

Why am I not surprised that this kid =/= stealthy? Are we to assume that she never snuck out before now? She clearly doesn’t know where to step to avoid creaking and crashing. 😆

I’mma just assume Xena calls Argo “boy” to embolden her or to rile her up; either way, it’s to get them both across the bridge. As we’ll well see, Xe is not as much a fan of walking as G is. 😂 (Also, is it just me, or does Argo look super pale in this episode? She seems practically white rather than usual so-called golden.)

I’m not surprised that Xena told Hector the pinch works quicker than she tells other people it does. He’s dumb and wastes time. I think Xe actually should have done this more often. 😝 (Watch the pinch actually take five minutes to fully go into effect, but Xena just doesn’t have the patience to wait around that long. heh) Don’t believe me that she’s just rushing him? Listen how quick twenty seconds becomes ten, especially when in later seasons, thirty is sometimes closer to sixty, if not more! This is the first (and only?) we’re hearing about sensation taking a few minutes to return, though; I think. Hm…

Cyrene! Hiiii! …Oh my. 😂 I like how no one cowered when Warlord Xena (as far as they know) walked in. But Cy with a blade?? Ruuun!!! Run and cuddle, quick! …XenieWeenie looks so sad. 😞

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! So, we’ve seen this she-beast stare down an army, a warlord, a Cyclops, a sword-wielding mama, and a stone-brandishing mob, even be threatened if not attacked by each, and yet barely blink. But a tiny fluff-ball diving between her and being murdered? That’s scary! *SUPER flinch* Heeeee!

Too, why do I feel like XW is that dude who sued Mr. Incredible? “You didn’t save my life! You ruined my death!” I’m getting serious “Could you please stop interrupting my suicide attempts? That’s two out of two now!” vibes from XW’s expressions. 😂

And then this! What does little GW do? The second; the second she gets invited into Xena’s personal space? GW grabs da butt! LOL/But of course. XW eye-rolls. LOL/But of course, the sequel. 😂

Going to see Lyceus seems to be another challenge to G in addition to a self-soothing move for Xe. + D’awww. His ever-dirty face �� + You knew this already, love. + Op. Non-shocker. Of course the princess just strolls right into a super private moment and immediately makes her presence known. 😂 But where would we be if she hadn’t? D’aw! Even here, Xe agrees.

Did Xe tie G outside with Argo? That’s the only way the princess isn’t here, right? XD ...What the? *quick rewind* Oh. I missed her sneaking in while I was writing. Yay, she’s developing already. Nothing creaked or crashed this time. 😂

Hee/D’aw! Xe forgot stuff at her mom’s tavern again. Sure, Xena. But awww! This time she gets what she really came for. A fond smile, warm hug, and words of forgiveness and reconciliation… what more could a giant “little one” ask for? 🥲

Hee! GW sees that sword raised to her and just keeps sulking her way forward. Oh, GW. But this is yet another sign that she’s just as brave as Xena is, if not more so 🥲Never forget how frightened Xe was of G a few minutes ago while the girl is not fazed by the Destroyer of Nations. LOL

GW really can be so insightful and eloquent at times. She duly gets accolades for her understanding, but Xe is understanding too …here, anyway. I wonder if GW was being more tricky or sincere with her conclusion. Hmm… Eep. She blinks in recognition of Xe’s understanding and meaning. Cuuute! …Xe rolls her eyes. Shocker. 😆

Something tells me that GW won’t be sleeping “over there” for very long. She’ll get quite possessive over her spot next to Xena too (Thank you very much, Tara. 😑).

#xena warrior princess #xena #gabrielle #sins of the past #cyrene #argo #xena and gabrielle #origin story #strong beginnings #LOLz #Awz

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hood-ex · 4 years

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Roy Harper Characterization

I am a HUGE fan of Roy Harper. I’ll defend him until the day I die. I’m always interested to read what other people think about him and how they might interpret his actions, so I was interested to read the issues detailed by roywilliamharperjr. I don’t really like N52 and RHATO was eh, but I was surprised by how conflicted I felt about some of their points.

There were some things I agreed with right away - the erasure of Brave Bow, for example, or outright making his father abusive. Roy’s connection with Brave Bow is integral to his connection to archery, it is something that I personally think means a lot to him, so including it in his origins is essential. Making his father an “abusive alcoholic” is also unnecessary. I don’t like this trope, because it implies that all addicts are abusive. His father was never mentioned to be an addict originally, but that part of his characterization would make sense. Addiction tends to run in the family. What I take issue with is automatically making his father abusive. It’s a trait that often gets lumped in with alcoholism, which can overshadow the tragedy of it. But that’s neither here or there. These were the points I agreed with. But there are some things that really gave me pause.

They literally kept pushing the idea that he couldn’t even be trusted with money since he’ll spend it all on useless junk like ??? Like yeah that the parent that runs a household a business can’t be trusted with money, sure. In Pre52, He was completely independent when he went solo. He even refused to rejoin the Titans at first because he wanted to do things solo and find himself, and most importantly… he was a single father! A responsible father who independently raised a daughter…

Pre-FP was lighthearted, but he was also serious because of what he’s been through and he was smart and great at what he does. N52 changed him into a literal idiot (like I said, Lobdell loved reminding us of this) who can’t handle himself alone and has to crack a dumb joke every second and doesn’t take things seriously and has to be babysat by Jason. Even when they tried portraying to do things like build tech, they still wrote him as dumb. Roy’s always been someone that was good with tech, since he obviously built his arrows, weapons, so many high tech bases, etc. But the N52 chose to portray that intellect by portraying him as a mad scientist… that’s literally what they refer to him as multiple times, or a “rockabilly genius”. Basically, they wrote him so that he could only build tech, but he gets so carried away with it to the point where he either destroys a lot of crap while doing it or if he’s unsupervised, he’ll spend all their money on it. They wrote him as someone who was so irresponsible and had to be kept in check, whereas Roy is actually someone who builds things when he needs to. He’s someone who prefers to spend his time either with his family, training, or volunteering somewhere. He doesn’t spend his entire time building things for no reason, he has to plan something out, know why he needs it and adds it in. Technology is a hobby for him that he occasionally spends time on, it isn’t an obsession and it’s nowhere near being his main focus. He was extremely dumbed down to serve a role of being the dumb guy who’s good with tech.

Regardless of what the writer meant, being careless with money is a trait impulsive people tend to have (impulsivity also tends to be common for people who have issues with addiction). Not dumb people. I never read Roy as dumb. The mad scientist trope is actually indicative of high intelligence. Dumb guys aren’t good with tech. Was he scattered and irresponsible in RHATO? Sure. Are some fathers like this? Yes. Does that make him a bad father? No.

I think having Lian made him keep those impulses in check and he took on responsibility that didn’t come naturally to him, but I don’t see how fathering a child would mean you’ve now unlocked x, x, and x trait. That seems unrealistic. It’s okay to struggle with fatherhood. That is much more relatable and interesting. Roy could struggle with these impulses and still be a good father.

Anyway, this was a very simplistic explanation of Roy’s supposed lack of intelligence, which aren’t defined by any of the listed traits. I can see how he might come off that way, however. Anyone looks at disorganization or bad decisions and immediately thinks the person is a moron. This is not the case.

N52 made him an outcast in the hero community, made the league and all other heroes look down on him instead of being his friends. He looked up to the heroes and wanted to be treated as an equal among them, and he was-- he was just like any other hero, but that was all thrown out to, once again, justify him being an “outlaw”.

I do realize the OP feels otherwise, but I don’t think it was out of the question for Roy. Again, this wouldn’t be the highlight of Roy’s life and it wouldn’t be the healthiest he’s ever been, which I think is obvious, but expecting someone to remain consistent throughout their entire life isn’t realistic. Do I think it was stretched? Yeah. But again, Roy is a complex character, and when someone feels as if they aren’t living up to an ideal, it’s not uncommon to rebel against that ideal. It went a little far, but it’s not that out of the question.

Roy being a dad, and the erasure of Lian Harper. When Roy’s a dad, he was something to fight for. He has a reason to be a superhero and do what he does, to be responsible and to be more mature than he already is. Him being a dad completely changed him and gave him a reason to strive to become a better man than he already was, all for his daughter. He helped so many characters because of how his fatherhood changed him. Him being a father gave him so much happiness and brightness in his life despite the mistakes he made before. On top of that, Roy became a father when he was young. He risked his life just to see Lian and take her in. He could have easily ignored her and left her with Jade, but he chose to actively seek her out and risked his life to do so. He wanted to be a father. He wanted to raise his daughter right and be an inspiration for her, and to me that just shows the kind of man he was.

Being a father is one of Roy’s biggest character traits. It isn’t just some random thing, it was part of his characters for literal decades. It’s so much of who he is and holds so much of his development, and the erasure of it just changes so much about him for the worst.

Okay, so… while I agree that Lian is important to Roy’s growth and development, I do not think a character’s personality should be completely shaped around having a child. I do agree that Roy wanted to be a good father and improved exponentially because he took responsibility for Lian. However, there are a lot of different types of fathers. It isn’t really fair to assume Roy was perfect when he was that young, or that didn’t make mistakes.

So yes, this characterization does change him “for the worst” because he has nothing to keep him accountable. That’s okay. I am personally more interested in seeing characters crash and burn and then being shaped by that experience, not deciding to be better just because they’ve reproduced. Children aren’t bandaids.

This next part is my biggest issue with their post, however. The subject of addiction.

And then there’s his addiction… N52 changed his addiction from heroin to alcohol (it was changed back in Rebirth but still.) Addictions are not and should not be treated like they’re interchangeable. The original drug addiction story, Snowbirds Don’t Fly, was an award winning story that changed the landscape of stories that could be told in comics. It was that good, and changing for just a generic addiction story is pretty ridiculous.

Okay, so… while I get what they are trying to say, in general, addictions don’t stay in neat little boxes. People prone to addiction will often have other addictive behaviors and/or vices. Sometimes they do trade one addiction for another. I realize that their issue is eliminating the heroin from the story altogether, but my point is: addiction is the problem. The object of that addiction is not.

The original story showed that Roy was the one who kicked his addiction away, all because of his will and drive to kick it away. He was the one who wanted to get rid of his problem. With some help from people around him (aka Dinah), he kicked it away and was determined to be a better person because of it. He wanted to become an educator and volunteer to help people dealing with addictions like his, and he wanted to help fight drug dealers and help fight the drug problem. That’s why he joined the DEA– he wanted to help people who went through what he did. Roy appealed to a specific demographic of teenagers that fell low and fell into drug addiction– something that hasn’t been done before with any other character– and he served as a role model as someone who overcame it. N52 just got rid of all that and not only changed his addiction type, but had him be completely be saved by someone else (who he shouldn’t have any relation to in the first place).

Here is where it started to get really cringey for me. This person is very naive if they think that an addict can “kick their addiction away” with “will and drive.” No. It takes so much more than that. Therapy. Medication. Rehab. There is no shame or weakness in asking for or accepting help. Even if they do everything right, most people relapse. Perpetuating the idea that Roy’s willpower overcame a heroin addiction is ridiculous.

N52 focuses on him relapsing and being tempted back all the time, which is against what the character stands for. The whole point is that he’s someone that wants to move on past his mistakes and become a better person and let others see him for who he is as a hero, but N52 keeps throwing his addictions back at him

This is a terrible understanding of drug addiction. Relapses don’t happen because the person doesn’t want to “move on” or get better. Relapses happen because people are human. Relapses are extremely, extremely common, and it doesn’t make that person a hypocrite like the OP suggests. This rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons.

Heroin addiction is insidious. It’s a literal epidemic. The relapse rate is ridiculously high (over 80%). Trying to tout Roy as someone who should never relapse because it “goes against his values” is very naive. It also won’t resonate with actual drug addicts.

The real message should be that it’s okay to let someone help you. It’s even more okay to ask for help. In fact, you need to ask for help. This is not something most people can do alone.

I love Roy Harper and I will defend him until the day I die, but I don’t love him because he’s perfect. I love him because he makes mistakes and gets back up. I love him for how he handles those mistakes. That’s the real success story and that’s what people are inspired by: no matter what happens or what you do, just get back up. Keep going. Keep fighting.

It’s tiresome to see fictional characters held to impossible standards. Mistakes don’t negate good qualities and it doesn’t make them less likable.

How is an addict going to feel if they received that type of message after a relapse? They’re going to think that they went against everything they stood for, not that it was a simple mistake that happens to an overwhelming percentage of people who suffer from addiction. How is that inspiring or encouraging?

Also to comment on N52 “throwing Roy’s addictions back at him” - look, I have my problems with N52, but this isn’t one of them. That is the life of an addict. They have to overcome their addiction every day. It isn’t something you ever recover from completely. That’s why it’s so easy to relapse.

Sorry for the ramble. I know you didn’t even write this originally. I do follow your blog and <3 it, and I just needed to say something about some of these points, especially where it concerns drug addiction, because it troubled me. Roy Harper is an icon.

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I won’t put words in the OP’s mouth, but since Roy is prob the character I know most outside of the batfam, I’ll touch on a few of these points.

1. I agree that Roy’s personality doesn’t revolve around Lian. Parenthood itself is not part of the personality, but a child can impact personality in certain ways. For example, forcing someone to be more assertive, responsible, or outgoing.

You said something about how it wasn’t fair to assume Roy was a perfect father. I didn’t get the impression that was a point OP was trying to make. Roy himself said he went into fatherhood fighting and screaming, so it obviously wasn’t easy for him at first. But I got a sense that OP was mostly highlighting the fact that having Lian is the transitional point in Roy’s life that took him from boyhood to manhood. To the newly single father who works as a private detective and then transitions from Speedy to Arsenal to Red Arrow.

2. I will have to disagree with your view on switching out the heroin for alcohol. I understand what you’re saying about how the addiction to a harmful substance is the main issue. And yeah, in general, the main message of Roy’s drug abuse is that anyone can fall prey to addiction, not just misguided people.

But “Snowbirds Don’t Fly” was inspired by heroin addicts on the streets and in the drug rehab center that the authors encountered/worked with.

The effects and risks of heroin addiction also differ from that of alcohol. They produce different struggles for people to deal with, different withdrawal symptoms, etc. Alcohol can be abused more often because of how accessible it is yadda yadda yadda.

This is why I personally take issue with the two being interchangeable. It may also seem like a minuscule detail that doesn’t really matter (because like you said the focus is the addiction, not the substance itself). But it would be kind of like switching out the murder weapon that killed Bruce’s parents. You may think that the weapon itself doesn’t matter because the focus is on the loss of his parent’s lives.

But everyone knows Bruce’s parents were killed via gun. As a result of that, Bruce has always had an issue with guns in particular. So if we were to switch out the gun with a crowbar (shoutout Jason) in The New 52/Rebirth then that changes Bruce’s character in some ways. It changes his trauma and his association with guns. In his mind gun = murder = loss = grief = failure. The image of the gun is very much so tied into the trauma of losing his parents, which puts significance on the murder weapon.

Readers would be like wtf I thought Bruce’s parents were killed with a gun, why does this say they got whacked with a crowbar? It would be inconsistent writing and it would make readers confused about what was true and what wasn’t true.

So I guess you could say the same thing for Roy and heroin. Heroin is the vehicle he used to try and cope with his life, not alcohol. Heroin is the drug that got him fucked up, not alcohol. Heroin is the drug he suffered withdrawal from, not alcohol. Heroin is the drug he constantly has to fight to stay away from, not alcohol. (Although, yes, addictions can be switched out for other addictions, but canonically, as far as I know, Roy never abused alcohol.)

3. In real life, yes, people with addictions generally need to go to some kind of rehab program to get help. However, if we’re going strictly by what’s shown to us in comics, then yes, Roy kicked his addiction without rehab, meds, or therapy. He quit cold turkey and went through the horrific withdrawal symptoms with Dinah by his side. That’s what’s portrayed in the comic. Roy literally attributes his ability to kick the addiction by getting help from Dinah, Hal, and his friends. Not going to rehab or any of that.

That’s why I think OP possibly found it insulting that N52 portrayed Roy as someone who continued to relapse. Because before N52, he managed to kick his addiction without relapsing. Obviously, not many people in real life can quit cold turkey like Roy did in the Snowbird issue. And before Flashpoint, Roy actually did relapse when Lian died. So I do agree that maybe OP wasn’t very uh… sensitive to the rate of relapse amongst people with addictions.

Anyways, this is just me sharing some of my thoughts on your points. Glad we can have discussions like this. Thanks for following my blog <3

#Roy Harper #drugs cw #alcohol cw #addiction cw #heroin cw #character analysis #submission #replies #anon

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despairforme · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. ( Within the community my muse is? Fairly popular? But overall in the fandom a lot of people dislike him. )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO. ( Apart from giving two surviving characters scars, he has no real impact on the story ).

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon? — I’d say pretty closely, in the sense that I don’t erase any parts of his canon, and I try to analyze and ‘ make sense ‘ of the different things he does in canon. There are some parts of his canon that have been re-written though. Like his relationship with Grimmjow, thanks to their chemistry. Oh, yeah, and Nnoitra is also alive in my canon. But other than that I try to keep him as canon as possible.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — Oh gosh where to start... Nnoitra is a very deep character. He is typically disliked by those who only see his exterior, but there is so much more to him. He is brave beyond compare. He is not the typical ‘ pretty-boy-sassy-villain ‘. He is harsh, rude, violent, sadistic and carries a heavy sadness inside him. He has strong believes and won’t back down from anything. Ever. He is someone who doesn’t hold back his true self and while he can be very challenging to interact with - isn’t that part of what’s fun with interactions? That they’re not all supposed to be easy. And, of course, one of my favorite parts about my Nnoitra is the big modern!au story that I have created for him, where he has a completely different life, while still maintaining what I hope is a legit translation of his canon personality into a human!au. Another thing that makes my Nnoitra interesting - in my opinion - is that I’m in it with him for the long run. I’m here to build long-lasting relationships of all types. I’m here to write stories for him with others.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). Nnoitra is very difficult to get along with for most muses. He’s rude and sexist and also a bigot. These things really put people off, but I’m not going to water down my muse for anyone or anything. In canon verse he is very set on killing more or less anyone who approaches him, which can mean that a lot of interactions turn into fight-threads which some people aren’t interested in writing. He is also rather anti-social so.. Yeah, not the easiest to interact with for sure.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — I originally found my inspiration for him when I started drawing him way back in the days. I randomly drew him and got hooked on how inspiring he was to draw. I never experienced an art-block ever again. After over a year, after I had gotten into rping ( I was rping different characters ), I eventually wanted to try my hand at writing Nnoitra, and it’s been the best decision ever. Now I’m stuck with him forever ahahaha.

What keeps your inspiration going? — Nnoitra IS my inspiration. He is my muse. Definition of ‘ muse ‘: a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist. I can’t imagine not writing him. I never have a problem with inspiration when it comes to writing him, since writing him gives me inspiration.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( The inner monologue that I always write is filled with headcanons, but I hardly ever post ‘ headcanon posts ‘, because I don’t like writing meta - and I don’t like speaking for Nnoitra. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — Yes and no. If I ASK for criticism, then I’m happy to receive any kind of criticism. However, if I’m not prepared for it, and get random criticism out of the blue, then eh, I’m not really into that.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — Oh yes! I love headcanon questions! I always answer them IC, unless the question is specifically aimed at me, like: “toby what do you think about...”. I feel really flattered when people show interest in Nnoitra!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — Not really. I don’t like discussing meta / headcanons about Nnoitra. If people disagree with my headcanons, they are free to make their own Nnoitra blog and do their thing.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — People have different opinions and that’s fine. I would prefer that if people who disagrees with my portrayal just unfollow me. I take my portrayal of Nnoitra very seriously and put a lot of effort into it. However, if I ASK for criticism, then I am completely open for it and would like to hear people’s disagreements on my portrayal. In general though, I don’t like discussing it. I don’t like discussing meta or anything like that, because I’m not open to changing my portrayal of him.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — If a mod hates Nnoitra, I don’t mind that at all. I don’t mind if they post hate-content about him either, as long as they tag it, so that I don’t have to see it. I don’t like seeing Nnoitra bashed in public. For example, I block blogs that post hate on him to the #nnoitra gilga tags on here. I just think it’s unnecessary and I don’t want to see it. My followers and mutuals are free to hate Nnoitra, and it can often be interesting to have your muse interact with someone who hates them / they hate, so I totally understand. Nnoitra is not a very likeable character after all, and people are free to hate him.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — Absolutely! I am not a native speaker, so I am sure I make a lot more grammatical errors than I’m aware of. If people want to point them out to me, I see that as a favor to me.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — Yes, I think so. I’m chill even if I am very slow at answering messages. I always try to be kind and understanding and I hope people don’t feel intimidated by me even if I play a very mean character.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @elxfi , @meishutori and @xyuuken ( thank you guys for tagging me, and thank you Snu for making this awesome meme! )

Tagging: @spottedsoftpaws , @trafalgar-bleedingheart-law , @xdiez , @tenyxshx ( tagging some people in the op fandom to get the meme going over there as well! )

#ᵃ ᵗᵒᵇʸ ᵖᵒˢᵗ ;; ooc.#[ this was a lot ahaha ]#[ very fun to fill out tho so thank you guys for tagging me! ]#longpost //#ᵍʳᵃᶠᶠᶤᵗᶤ ;; dash games.

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xiubaek-13 · 4 years

Text

Stalling Time

Prompt: Yixing + “Shut up and kiss me already.”

Setting/AU: Vet

Warnings: Injured animal, memory of death of a pet.

Word Count: 2,340

A/N: I put trigger warnings for this drabble because an animal is in an accident, and there is a flashback to a pet passing away.

You weren’t sure how you even made it to the animal hospital without crashing since you could hardly see through your tears as you drove. You loved animals more than people so naturally you were beside yourself when you saw a dog run out into open traffic and saw the car that didn’t swerve out of the way in time. The screeching sound of tires followed by a small thump would be forever etched into your mind. Nothing you would ever see would be worse than that, you were sure of it.

But when the driver didn’t stop, your shock went to rage and despair. You stopped in the middle of the highway, got out of your car, ignoring the cacophony of horns behind you, and collected the poor animal. It was still alive, thankfully the car had mostly swerved out of the way but from the whimpers coming from the injured animal, you knew it was hurt. You carried it back to your car and gingerly placed it on the backseat before driving off to the nearest vet you could find.

The tears started as your worry increased. What if the dog was more injured than you thought? What if it didn’t make it? You knew exactly how it felt to be on the receiving end of that kind of devastating news. As you drove you remembered that day vividly, you’d been twelve years old. You remembered how you’d arrived home from school and had found it odd that the house was so quiet. Usually your father was home and Danny, your best friend and family pet, would come bounding up to you. You wandered through the hall and into the backyard as you searched for either of them but found nothing. You had figured that maybe your father had taken Danny for a walk so you went about your business, did your homework and watched some TV.

As soon as your father walked in the door you knew something was wrong. Your eyes darted around, searching for Danny, but all you saw was the heartbroken expression on your fathers face. Your father was the strong one in the family, so seeing him like this broke you. He didn’t even need to say the words, the pained expression when you asked “Where’s Danny?” was enough to tell you that something horrible had happened.

“I’m so sorry honey,” He’d started, but you dropped to the floor before he could say anything else. He rushed over to you and cradled you in his arms as you sobbed, ignoring his own tears.

The dog in the back of your car would be ok, it had to be. You were trying to convince yourself that it would all be ok as you drove because you could not handle the idea of another child’s world being shattered like yours was.

You finally arrived at the animal hospital, parking horribly outside & definitely in a no parking zone but you didn’t care. You slowly lifted the dog out of the backseat and it whined at the movement, its eyes wide with fear and its body trembling. It absolutely broke your heart to see it suffering like this. “Shhh, we’re almost there ok?” You said, hoping your voice would calm the poor thing down. “We’re gonna get you fixed up so you can go home and live your best life ok?” You kept chatting away to the dog as it seemed like your voice was having a somewhat calming effect on it as you walked towards the doors of the hospital.

As soon as you entered a vet nurse rushed over to you and helped you place the dog on a small portable bed. You were thankful that there weren’t many people there so you were rushed ahead of the few that were waiting. When she tried to separate you and the terrified animal it panicked so she asked you to stay with it, so that the poor thing didn’t injure itself further. You agreed instantly, thinking if you were in it shoes you wouldn’t want to be alone.

You stayed while the vet came and assessed the severity of the dog’s injuries and you waited patiently in the waiting room when they finished prepping for surgery and put the little guy under. The waiting was the worst part, you didn’t know how long they’d be, if the lil guy would make it, who he belonged to, nothing. As though she could read your mind the vet nurse appeared and beckoned you over to the front desk. “Before we took him in I scanned him and found a microchip. I’m just going to look up the owner now so you don’t have to wait around any longer if you don’t want to.”

You shook your head. “I’ll stay. I need to know if he’s ok.” You said. She nodded, the understanding evident in her eyes. You walked back to your seat and continued to wait, hoping that the surgery wouldn’t take much longer and that it would be a good outcome. The vet hadn’t thought it was anything life threatening but you worried regardless of that fact. He hadn’t witnessed the accident, or heard the cries of fear and pain coming from the poor animals mouth.

An hour had passed when a young man burst through the doors, his eyes frantic as he looked around the room and rushed up to the desk. “I got a call to tell me that my dog was in an accident?! Is he ok? Where is he?” The vet nurse lead him over to where you were sitting and waited for him to take a seat.

“Yixing is it?” He nodded. “Your dog was hit by a car earlier today.” You saw him freeze and all of the colour disappear from his face. “This young woman next to you witnessed the accident, and when the driver didn’t stop, she brought your dog here. His injuries aren’t life threatening but we still had to put him under for surgery. That is where he is now. I’ll let you know of any updates as soon as I have them.” She smiled softly at both of you in the way that all nurses do before turning and heading back to the front desk.

The young man next to you had slumped forward with his head in his hands. This whole situation must be overwhelming for him. You remembered all too well how it had hit you the last time you had to experience the fear of loss. “What’s his name?” You asked gently.

He rubbed his face with his hands as he sat back up and looked at you, pain and fear in his eyes. “Guiying.” He coughed. “His name is Guiying.”

You tried a small smile. “He’s very much like his namesake.” Yixing half chuckled. “He was frightened but he was very brave, letting a complete stranger pick him up and drive him off to who knows where.”

“He might be brave but he’s also foolish.” He sighed. “He must have escaped the backyard and run off, and just… just got distracted by traffic.” He sniffed as he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

You placed a hand on his shoulder as you tried to reassure him. “Hey, I’m pretty sure it was just his hind leg that was broken, but that they had to put pins in, hence the surgery. He’ll be ok.”

Yixing grabbed your hand and held it tightly in his. “Thank you for caring enough to help him.”

“I just did what anyone would.” you said.

“No,” he shook his head. “You didn’t. Most people would not stop in the middle of an intersection to help an animal. Most people would just keep driving, thinking someone else would help it or that it was too late to help. You,” He choked back a sob. “You saved his life.”

You couldn’t speak because you could feel your emotions in your throat, tears were so close to forming and you did not want to let them. Instead you smiled and squeezed his hand. The two of you sat in silence, his hand still not leaving yours, as though your hand was his anchor to reality and hope.

After another hour of sitting and occasionally chatting about life, avoiding the topic of the accident, instead trying to distract yourselves from the fact that you were both sitting in the animal hospital waiting room late at night, you’d come to the realisation that if the circumstances were different, Yixing was someone you would be interested in. He was kind, honest, thoughtful, funny and it was futile to deny that he was incredibly easy on the eyes. But in the back of your mind you had to remind yourself not to flirt with him, the poor man was waiting to see if his beloved dog was ok, this was not the time nor the place. Normally you despised small talk, but you’d made an exception for Yixing since you were trying to keep both him and yourself distracted from thinking about Guiying.

“I know I’ve said it repeatedly tonight, but thank you.” He said.

You smiled. “And like I’ve said every time, I was more than willing to do what I did.”

Yixing shook his head. “No, I mean yes, thank you for that but this thank you was specifically for staying here with me and waiting. You didn’t have to do that. And don’t think I haven’t realised that you’ve been trying to keep me distracted.” He half smiled at you.

“Ah, you caught me.” You chuckled.

“You’re good at it.” He paused as his eyes drifted from your eyes to your mouth, a fleeting glance, before moving back up to your eyes again. “I’ve worried less in the past hour than I thought I would and that’s thanks to you.”

Your reply is interrupted when the vet emerges from a door and walks over to the two of you. “Yixing?” He asks as he looks down at the young man next to you who is fidgeting as all of his worries flood back into his system.

Without thinking you grab his hand to ground him. He grips back tightly as he responds. “Y-yes. Is?…how?…please,” he stutters out.

The vet crouches down to bring himself to eye level with Yixing. “Hey, calm yourself. Thanks to the lovely young woman next to you your dog is going to be just fine. He has a broken leg that will take time to heal and he had an internal obstruction caused by the accident. I’ve fixed him up and he’ll be able to come home with you in a few days. We have to keep him here for a few nights for observation. He’s a little groggy post-op but you can come and see him if you’d like.”

Yixing exhales a breath you hadn’t realised he was holding. He thanks the vet profusely before standing and turning to see if you were coming as well. You let go of his hand and shook your head lightly. “I think, if it’s ok with you, that I’ll visit Guiying tomorrow. I’m just glad he’s ok.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind if you come along now.” He started but you stopped him.

“Yixing, it’s sweet of you, really, but I think it’ll be better for you to go see him alone.” You looked over at the vet. “Is it ok if I drop by around 11am tomorrow to visit?” He nodded and told you that as long as Yixing was ok with it then they’d allow it. Yixing was more than happy to oblige you visiting his dog since you were the reason he was even still alive.

You watched as Yixing’s form disappeared behind the door and turned to the vet nurse who was holding a clipboard out to you. “What’s this?” You asked, confused.

“We have a policy that is to wait until after surgery to hand these kinds of forms out. You mentioned a car hit the animal right?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“This form is for you to write down all of the details of the accident that you can recall so that we can send it on to the police. Not common policy, I know, but there is an officer there who follows up the reports we send him.” She hands you the clipboard. “If you just fill them out before you leave, I’d be really grateful.”

You take the clipboard and take a seat, filling out all of the details you can remember. You aren’t sure how this helps, was hitting an animal even illegal? You hated the driver for not stopping but there was no denying that it was an accident. You hummed as you finished filling out the forms, then got up and handed it back to the vet nurse. She thanked you as you turned to take your leave.

“Wait!”

You had reached the door to your car when you heard his voice as he ran out the front door to catch you. He slowed to a jog as he got closer to you, then a purposeful walk. “Yixing? Is something wrong?” You noticed the glistening in is eyes, a clear indicator of tears. Shit. Had something happened? Was Guiying ok?

He didn’t respond, he simply walked straight up to you and enveloped you in an embrace. He held you tightly for what felt like minutes, and you weren’t sure if you should be happy or sad. You had no indication for what this hug was for. When he pulled back you couldn’t wait any longer to get answers. “What happened? Why have you got tears in your eyes? Is he ok? Fuck, he was ok 10 minutes ago, what could have happe-”

You were cut off by Yixing’s finger touching your lips, shushing you. You looked from his hand on your lips up to his face, his expression unreadable. He leant in, pausing at the exact moment before his lips touched yours. Somehow you still had the brains to speak. “What are you-”

“Shut up and kiss me already.”

#exowritersnet #kwordsmiths #thekpopnetwork #kloversnet #kpopwonderlandtag #1000 followers #drabble game #exo drabble #exo fic #exo imagine #exo scenario #yixing scenario #yixing fic #yixing imagine #yixing drabble #lay imagine #lay fic #lay scenario #lay drabble

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laufire · 4 years

Text

@rosyrosalie, if you don’t mind, I’m going to reply on a new post, because the original one was getting long and I don’t want to derail op’s point even further than I already have xD. And because my reply is probably going to be... controversial.

So, just as a disclaimer, because I know how tumblr works xD: what I’m about to say doesn’t reflect my values, or what I think the show Should Be or Must Be, but a perspective on what I think is going on with the show, based in part in my experience with other canons.

Yeah I agree with all of this.

& just to be clear: my ref to the Epic Love Story was what I’ve seen B/C fans literally describe it as, it’s not my own view! Lol.

TBH I’d say the writers already lost respect for Bellamy during S6. Like the fandom, it was very much ‘All About Clarke’. Or so it seemed on screen. So who knows. But tbh I’d be just as disappointed and grossed out if they had Bellamy die for her in the end.

The first point first: yeah, don’t worry, I get that’s what you meant about the Epic Love Story, I just always held that opinion that BC just can’t be one, because of how it was constructed from its very beginnings, so I wanted to get that point across xD

Now, wrt the rest. Here’s where we get to the controversial (and frankly, gross and misogynistic) stuff and what I’m sure is an UO when it comes to season six, but: in my opinion, what the the body-snatch plot did, ultimately, was getting Clarke to lose control over, and owe, her very own body to Bellamy. I think even the mouth-to-mouth that for some reason people call “kiss” despite how ridiculous it was xDD was part of it.

In my experience, what a male lead needs to succeed (by which I mean, get his Triumphant Endgame, which varies from lead to lead) is to control every other character in the narrative, especially the female characters, one way or another. If a female character ever gets a step outside his circle of influence, especially if she gets another male character in her corner, she puts his position at risk.

(the rest under a cut because it got long, and because there are people that’ll want to avoid it lol)

That’s what happened to Finn: Octavia showed some shallow attraction towards him in the pilot, but otherwise was completely outside his influence. Raven stepped out with the one male character who could challenge him. Clarke lost more and more respect for him and now doesn’t even seem to remember him much, and she was his One Tru Wuv. Just a few episodes after he died, Murphy and Emori, two characters that weren’t initially supposed to go far, got their own Epic Love Story. Etc., etc.

OTOH, Bellamy’s had a pretty good run at this. He was presented as His Sister’s Caretaker, protecting her was his one goal. And he did it despite what she wanted, violating her autonomy in more than one occassion (even poisoning her in s5). They made a point of showing us his ~sexual prowess from the beginning. He has romantic entanglements (to put it more bluntly, he’s had sex) with two of the most important women in the story atm, Raven and Echo.

He leads spacekru-- even Memori’s breakup ties to this because by separating them they got to “prove” their loyalty to the group beyond just each other: Emori getting them to Earth, Murphy supporting Raven, etc., before getting back together. And Monty and Harper were closer to Clarke’s area of influence (Delinquents) than Bellamy... and they died. He got Madi to put on the chip (i.e. influenced her hoices over her own body). He physically fought Indra and Gaia and ~earned their respect. Abby allied with him over her own daughter in s4 to save Marcus. And so on and so forth.

The one that was really left... Clarke. The way I see it, there are two opposing narratives in The 100: Clarke’s (and whatever little remains of Finn’s values), and Bellamy’s. That’s why they always come against each other almost every season. It’s why Clarke repeatedly ~gets involved~ (and fails) at plots that would kill Octavia. Why Bellamy volunteers to brave Praimfaya for Raven but then leaves Clarke behind on Earth. Why they fought over their respective families in s5, etc.

Sooner or later (more likely later. There’s a reason I keep saying s7 is going to break it or make it for me), one of these narratives will conquer the other. And I think the body-snatch played into that. I think that’s why s6 is the one season where Bellamy and Clarke are on the same side from beginning to end.

It’s also related to how it was Murphy, Bellamy’s Right Hand Man, who contributed to Clarke’s lose of autonomy. To how Memori got even stronger. Maybe to how Echo Leveled Up and Madi Leveled Down, or to why the show went to its “roots” with Bellamy and Octavia, his core relationship. Or to how Clarke lost Abby, the only semi-support she had fully on her corner, or that Raven never had to “apologize” or feel bad about her bodysnatching, as much as the fandom wanted. All corners of Bellamy’s side of things were ~protected and nurtured, and the ones in Clarke’s were under attack. And for the later, the narrative did need to give more focus to Clarke, so I don’t really hold that against it lol.

I’m unsure about how the narrative will go after this; for all I know, it was a miscalculation and it might end up ruining Bellamy (I just hope, in that case, he can take her down with him). And I think there’s a posibility the writers might think the body snatch was not “enough” and THAT is why they might give in and, despite their own preferences, put BC together, though even then I doubt it’ll be in a satisfying way for any shipper. I hope not lmao, but it could be that they think that’s what he needs to fully “win” over her side of the story. And that would put him even MORE at risk, the way I see it.

So, yeah. That’s my take on Bellamy’s s6 plot. I don’t like Bellamy as much for himself as for what his role does for my faves (Echo, Raven, Murphy, Emori, Octavia), but I do root for him to win this one in s7 lol.

And just so we’re clear, again: I think that the fact that narratives work like this is limiting and gross and uncomfortable (though I have to admit in this occassion, it works in my faves’ favour, so I’m not as FURIOUS about it as I’ve been in other cases), and I try to actively go against it when *I* am in charge of writing a story... but I’ve consumed a lot of stories, and my brain loves noticing patterns between them. And once I see them I can’t unsee them, and this one jumped straight at my vision as I was watching season six.

#and now to make sure this won't appear on tag search: fuck fuck fuck. xD #talking to the void #replies #my thoughts #fandom nonsense #t100 thoughts #t100 s6 #bellamy blake #antibellarke for ts #the 100 #i've resisted to speak this into existence (partially because i don't like analyzing narratives from this angle and partially because #i don't want to jinx myself before s7). but like i say. i'm feeling the isolation and i want to taaaaaaaaaalk xDD

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bylerly · 5 years

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alright everyone. after my rush of emotions after that season, i’ve had time to decompress, and make an actually cohesive list of my thoughts about the season. as you could probably guess - MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

first, let’s get the (much) shorter list out of the way. here’s what I enjoyed:

the acting. i want to mention how good millie was, because she was fantastic, but i almost feel like i shouldn’t, bc el took SO MUCH screen and plot time, that millie was given every opportunity to be good. she doesn’t really need any more special mention. otherwise - noah (with the little he was given) and sadie were particularly great. so were winona & david, but that goes without saying.

the elmax friendship. these two deserved it. and max bringing el out of her shell, showing her how to become her own person.... incredible. 10/10 i love them both

alexei. feels weird saying this, but he was probably the new addition I enjoyed watching the most. it would have been kind of cool to see him live past season 3.

an lgbt+ confirmed character. this one is a little.... tricky for me. as happy as I am that there is a queer woman written into the show... I feel like it’s a cop out to not have to confirm will’s sexuality. robin confirms her sexuality in less than a season, but after three with will, we still only get ~subtext~? still, this is a positive portion, so.... I guess that was something I was happy with

el moving in with the byers at the end. finally. this is one of the only things that is keeping me excited for s4. i guess i can only hope for there to FINALLY be some good willel interactions next season, but if this season has taught me anything, it’s not to get my hopes too high :-)

jancy ending s3 on a good note. parts of their storyline were fantastic, some were disappointing. but i really dug their dynamic, and the realistic struggle between the two of them, with nancy not really understanding jonathan’s class struggles, and jonathan not grasping the weight of the misogyny being thrown at nancy. their final moments at the empty byers house at the end were especially lovely.

el no longer being OP, and not being undefeatable. i love el. i really, genuinely do. i love her character, i love her traits, i lover her power. but the duffers were relying too heavily on her to constantly save the day with her powers, and it was happening too often. one of the faults of s2 was the constant thought of how easily el could’ve fought off all these threats if she was just there. i think it��s incredibly interesting to not only see her get completely worn out, but totally lose her powers. like mike said, i’m sure they’ll come back, but i want so badly for el to not just be defined by her powers.

a platonic m/f friendship. yes, one of them is confirmed queer, and they would’ve probably been romantically linked if she was straight. but i’ll take what i can get when it comes to this. platonic opposite sex relationships?? r i s e

now for the meat of my thoughts ~ what I didn’t like:

mike’s characterization. the writers completely made him into a dick this season. i get it, he’s a teenager, so he’s going to be an asshole sometimes. hell, in a recent post, I defended that, saying it’s good writing. but I underestimated just how awful he’d be, completely blowing off his friends for any chance for a second alone with el. I understand that he loves his girlfriend of course, but s1-2 mike loved his friends just as much. he was so utterly unlikable this season, that it seemed like he was a different character.

lucas as comic relief. this is so lazy, and i’m so angry for both the character and caleb, both of whom deserve so much better. he really had nothing to do if it wasn’t related to max, and the writers further reduced him down to a one-dimensional, kind of dumb, mediocre boyfriend, and that is not the highly intelligent, brave, kind lucas that i know and love.

will’s sidelining. god, this made absolutely no sense. noah fucking shined last season. he stole pretty much the entire thing. every critic, even those who disliked the season, had nothing but good things to say about his performance. furthermore, will has so much potential in so many different directions in so many aspects of his character. however, once he revealed to his friends that he was feeling the upside down/MF’s presence... they may as well have written out his character. he was sidelined almost to the point of background character. they gave him very little to do emotionally after that castle byers scene, and even fewer lines.

total lack of willel scenes. phew, if this wasn’t a bummer. will spoke a single line to el, and maybe one or two throwaway lines about her. if there is one thing most of the fans can agree on, it’s that will and el have the biggest connection to the upside down, the biggest unspoken connection, the most parallels, and the most intriguing potential relationship... and they really just said “fuck it” and didn’t have them interact at all. (that’s poor writing folks!) they better make up for this now that they’re living together.

amount of eleven scenes. i love her so dearly. i really do. and i’m so happy she grew into her own, not through mike or hopper. but the amount of el plot and screen time this season was actually difficult to watch. every other scene centered around her. so many characters and so much of the story went undeveloped, while she got way, way more than was necessary. additionally, take any kid’s plot (other than dustin), and guaranteed, it revolved around el. people were starting to catch on that the show was favoring her character more than even most shows’ mains.... and this season took it to a level i actual didn’t think it would.

the comedy. it was so awkwardly written. so much of it threw off the pace of the show. it seemed forced, and just... not very stranger things-esque, where the comedy was typically well-written and blended into dialogue.

the baddies. this was a huge letdown, too. i understand that the monster was large, but it was far less menacing to me than, say, the MF’s physical form. it had gore points, sure. it felt incredibly boring and predictable. in the same vein, i thought the ‘zombie’ style storyline of heather & co. would be deeper than that, but that was literally all it was. again... not interesting to me. billy was a rehash as well. the russians definitely had potential, but even that plot wound up being incredibly one-dimensional.

billy’s screentime. this was one of the things i was absolutely furious about. he got more screentime than the party (minus el) combined. they wanted for us so badly to empathize with him, to humanize him... i’m sorry, but you wrote a character that almost killed a boy for being black, that abuses his sister, and is a misogynistic asshole. abuse doesn’t excuse that, and it’s insulting to abuse survivors to say that billy inevitably became this way because of his dad, and that he deserves our uwus for it... and actually got el’s. he took screen time away from characters who desperately needed it, and that’s something i will never look at the duffers the same way for.

the scoops troop. I wanted to love erica... but i feel so indifferent to her. she was way too much this season. and robin. again, i love that she’s confirmed queer. and i dug her character more. but even then... i don’t know. i would have rather never had her introduced, and allowed established characters to have been better developed. and as a whole, the whole storyline of the troop was just what I feared: underwhelming and awkwardly placed.

high steve & robin. won’t elaborate on this too much, bc there’s not much to elaborate on. it just felt so wildly out of place and unnecessary.

that dustin/suzie number. what the hell was that? what could have been a 20 second joke was stretched out WAY too long and was bizarrely placed. just because you have an actor from broadway, doesn’t mean he needs to sing. and even if he does sing... you couldn’t have found a better time or situation? i literally was just staring at my screen in disbelief as that whole thing happened. entirely unneeded.

the amount of flashbacks. i understand most casual viewers wouldn’t remember certain things because of how long it’s been. but they literally put a recap at the beginning of the season. that’s what it’s for. and there were also plenty from like.... the episode before??? the amount they included took away so much time, that it almost just seemed like they didn’t have enough footage, and they had to fill their time stamp somehow. at some point, it just becomes insulting to the audience’s intelligence.

the overall tone. this season did not feel like stranger things in the slightest. off the top of my head, the castle byers scene and the byeler scene in mike’s garage were the exceptions. the first few episodes did have some moments. but overall... it kind of felt like some weird, high budget commercial or something. the charm, distinct aesthetic, and nuance of seasons 1 and 2 was non-existent.

the post-credit scene. there was some last-minute hype up in the reviews for this. was that supposed to be shocking in some way? i suppose this is more the fault of the reviewers who hyped it, but... really? a demodog? we’ve seen that before... i guess more the point was to show that the russians officially have some kind of technology for this. but still, an underwhelming reveal. more intriguing to me, was if hopper was the american in the cell he mentioned at the start of it. or maybe brenner?

the neutral:

that ending. on one hand, it was incredibly predictable. they literally placed an obvious shot of it in the trailer (easy to deduce that the byers had moved out, and that it was fall, so it was an epilogue scene). i was convinced that there would be a twist element they weren’t showing us, but nope. on the other hand, i thought some things were done beautifully (which wasn’t exactly a trend this season). as i mentioned, i loved the jancy moments. i really did like the hopper voiceover, although it was a little trope-y and heavy-handed... i still got a little emo, ngl. those goodbye hugs were somethin’. and, as i said before... el! moving in! with the byers! gimme

so uh... that’s it, i guess. no one really asked, but i needed to get my thoughts out. what did you guys think of the season?

#stranger things #st3 #spoilers #i very well might add onto this the more i continue to think about it

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yborjen · 4 years

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THE MANDALORIAN: CHAPTERS 9 - The Return

First, if you have not yet watched The Clone Wars animated series, or Star Wars Rebels, stop now, go to Disney+ and just knock it out it.

This story is a love letter to Dave Filoni’s years of dedicated work with Master George Lucas. Jon Fav is amazing, he’s an icon and a visionary (and I envision him as Paz in this story), but The Mandalorian would not exist but for the world that Dave executed from George’s vision.

Second, this is a completed story, that is being edited and posted a chapter at a time. Comments are appreciated but the plot is fairly set.

Third, this is pure FAN FICTION. I have no affiliation with anyone living or dead who has any role in the Star Wars universe. Or Disney. Or anything. I’m a fan only.

The story built up in my head over the first series of The Mandalorian and I could not wait for the second series, so I wrote it just for fun.

Enjoy.

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CHAPTER 9: THE RETURN

The Mandalorian set his course and the ship surged as the familiar hypnotic streaks of hyperspace flowed into view. He always felt relief each time they entered hyperspace even though he never really trusted anywhere was safe. Even since the threat on Nevarro was destroyed he still felt uneasy, partly because he was still not completely healed, in more ways than one.

His body ached, in every direction. He prided himself on quick recoveries, and near indestructibility. But his brush with death a week ago had broken down many of his ideas of who he thought he was. He had faced for the first time in his life that his mortality was catching up to him, sooner rather than later. And that meant something now that he had a Child who needed him. He remembered his father figure going through the same process. And as the older man slowed down, he had watched with pride as Din found himself coming up as the most impressive fighter in the Death Watch corps. Well, him and Paz, of course.

His training fights with Paz were legendary in their Clan. Clan Vizsla prided themselves in keeping the strongest Foundlings. And Din, while physically smaller, was faster and smarter to match Paz’ brute force. They built a friendship and respect over the years, and when their mother was executed and their father died in the conflict they were hunted and forced to flee by their Clan in order to preserve the future, and Paz left Mandalore with Din until they found the Tribe.

His heart ached. The Tribe was now gone, and so was Paz. They had fought over Din’s bounty hunter activities, Paz never approved of the questionable moral code of killing people who did not deserve death. Din asserted that anyone who runs is guilty. In hindsight, Paz could not have been more right. They had reconciled with Din reclaiming his honor in Paz’ eyes the night he rescued the Child. His guilt at the following destruction of the Tribe, however, weighed heavier than even his new mission.

His heart also had new holes where friends were now gone. They had given their lives so that his aching body could continue to safeguard the Child. Every time he felt he might lose his temper, he heard Kuiil in his mind reminding him to reinforce with patience. And every time he took off his helm and looked at the mirror, he thought about what IG-11 had seen with his synthetic eyes. Had he seen what Din now saw? These days he barely recognized the man he was before he met the Child.

His head ached and his brow furrowed as he continued to second guess the course he had laid in the navigation. The Armorer had said she knew of old tales of battles between the Mandalorians and the Child’s kind — the Jedi. His only lead then was to find those tales. He had to return to Mandalore. He had not returned since the Purge, and for the past ten years had been so focused on survival that he never even considered looking back. Now, with mind, body and heart still recovering from the battle on Nevarro, he was about to reopen old wounds.

A soft beep on the comm caught his eye and made his heart jump with more of the same uneasy feeling that had been nagging him. He turned back to the ops station and found the Child asleep in the seat with the Mythosaur skull still in his mouth, covered in drool. Then he turned back to the console and pressed the blinking button.

A ghostly holoprojection of Cara Dune appeared and Din found he was holding his breath as he stared at her face.

“Hey Mando — checking in on you as planned. This week Greef and I have confirmed the few remaining Imps are on the run, but I will feel better once the new militia has cleared every building in the city. Once that’s done we will check in with the Jawas and start cleaning up this place. Greef is setting up the Cantina as his base of operation, so contact us there at this signal. You should see him. You’d think he was already Mayor, General, and Senator of Nevarro.” She could not contain a chuckle. “Listen, do me a favor and give yourself a quick medscan. It will put me at ease to know you’re physically capable to take care of the Kid, OK? As agreed, I expect a response within two days, even just an acknowledgement with your code if that’s all you can do. If you fail to respond we are coming after you. Stay safe, buddy.”

Cara had a small smile on her lips then dropped her eyes as she reached down to close the comm channel message, and Mando felt a slight clench in his stomach when her image fizzled out. He pushed down that feeling and turned back to the Child who was now soundly snoring and the Mythosaur skull was hanging out of his mouth.

Din gritted his teeth and took in a sharp breath to avoid making any sounds as the pain caused a tear to form in the corner of his eye. He knew if he stood up his message would be more convincing. His last medscan was less than encouraging, he was healing, but not nearly as quickly as he had hoped. From the blast and fall he had multiple fractures of his ribs, vertebrae and torn sacral ligaments, and fluid on his bruised lungs. IG-11 had healed his skull fracture and subarachnoid bleed from the fall but the concussion was still affecting him daily. And he also had a healing torn rotator cuff from his stunt on the TIE fighter.

His first stop after they left Nevarro was to acquire some bacta so he could start infusions. It took every ounce of his infusions to keep healing fast enough to convince the Child he did not need to intervene. IG was right about his wounds healing in a matter of hours, but there were just so many wounds that the hours kept adding up… and there wasn’t a chance he would ever tell Dune any of that.

He caught his breath again as he straightened up and then composed himself and pressed the comm button.

“Dune, good to hear from you, and that Greef is already setting himself up as the new emperor. Medscan is improving. We have a new heading. I will send encoded coordinates so you can monitor our progress. Please confirm the Armorer is safe and if any others of the Tribe —have returned.” His voice wavered as a shock of pain jolted through his ribs. “The Kid is asleep, so I’ll keep this short. Djarin, out.” He reached for the comm button and closed the channel quickly before catching himself on the console and taking long, slow breaths.

He looked at the hyperspace navigation timer, he had just enough time for a quick infusion. He had to get it started before the kid woke up. He moved carefully down the ladder leaving the cockpit door open so he could hear any movement. The quiet snores were reassuring. He had to stop a couple of times to catch his breath, but his focus was unwavering. His kit came with an infusion port which made his hookup simple, so he just had to remove his armor and expose his shin where the port was drilled into his bone.

Once the line was set in place he decided to lay back on his sleep cot just for a few minutes.

******************************************************

He woke with a start, but there was a warm spot at his side were the Child had clearly moved to sleep with him and he was snoring again. He looked up at the bacta bag and found it was empty and he was actually feeling less pain around his head, shoulder and ribs. He flexed his abdominal muscles and self-corrected as he groaned to sit up — there was less pain.

The Child immediately stirred and yawned loudly. He looked up at Din and sleepily blinked then chirped with a questioning tone.

“I’m feeling better, kid. Thanks for keeping me company.” He picked up the bag and showed it to the Child. “See? This will help fix me up.”

The Child cocked his head slightly, as if unconvinced.

“Tough audience. Come on, let’s check on our course.” He gingerly moved himself off the sleep bench and then tucked the Child into his arm with the bad shoulder and with the other pulled himself up just high enough up the ladder to deposit the Child up on the command deck, then climbed up the rest of the way with both arms.

Every time, the kid made a beeline to the controls and Din had enough practice to stay just far enough ahead of him to scoop him up and deposit him back into his seat before he could drop them out of hyperspace into a black hole. The Child whined with a squeaky pout but admitted defeat again.

Din checked the timer and found they had just under ten minutes left in hyperspace. Then he noticed he had another message. He frowned. And his finger actually shook just a little as he reached for the blinking button.

The ghostly image of Cara Dune appeared again, “This message is for the Kid. Hey Kid, please do me a favor and tell your father to try putting on a brave face for someone who isn’t an idiot. Miss you Kid. Take care of him for me. I’ll report back on the Armorer when I have made contact.”

She disappeared, and this time her image was not smiling. Din’s head bowed slightly. He should have waited to reply after the infusion.

Then he looked up at the Child who was returning his gaze. “We’ve got each other’s backs, Kid. We are going to be OK.”

The Child giggled and reached a small three claw hand toward him. Din reached out with his finger and the Child grabbed it and squeezed.

The hyperdrive now started beeping, they were approaching their destination. Din set the Child back in his seat and then turned to the controls. With years of experience he eased the Razor Crest out of hyperspace just early enough to avoid alerting of the old Outer Defense perimeter. He had heard that it was back in force and he did not want to start off this encounter with a fight.

He flipped his universal local transmission switch, “Outer Defense, Outer Defense, this is Razor Crest requesting permission to approach.”

No response.

“Outer Defense, Outer Defense, do you copy?”

Another long beat, Din’s heart began to quicken.

“This is the Outer Defense, please repeat your sign,” the deep voice on the other end sounded suspicious.

Din sighed relief, but also pursed his lips. His ship should be known to the Outer Defense database. They were no doubt scanning him to confirm — it was the ship Paz and he had taken off Mandalore.

“This is the Razor Crest. Repeat, the Razor Crest.”

There was another short pause. “Clan Vizsla celebrates your return Paz.”

Din swallowed hard, “Negative, Outer Defense control, this is Din Djarin. My brother Paz — his location is unknown.”

There was another heavy silence. “Din Djarin, Clan Vizsla celebrates your return. The foundlings are the future. Proceed to the Vizsla Landing and report to your Clan for the Rebuilding. Welcome home.”

Mixed emotions filled Din hearing these words, but all he said was, “Acknowledged.”

Coordinates were sent for his heading, and he did not recognize it. The Vizsla compound was no doubt destroyed in the Purge. Din put the Razor Crest on autopilot and then reached back to pick up the Child so he could see everything on their approach to his new home.

“See this Kid? This is your new adopted home. Mandalore.”

The Child looked all around with wide eyes as they passed the Outer Defense in the meteor belt and made their way towards the brown planet with swirling white clouds. As they moved closer, patches of green were visible surrounding interconnected small lakes of blue below. It looked like a small part of the eco-system was reasserting itself. He desperately wished that Paz was there with him to see the planet slowly coming back to life.

The ship moved into orbit and then began the gentle descent to the ruins of the Capital city, Sundari. He recognized many destroyed landmarks, many historic locations lost to future generations. They passed the old palace of the Prime Minister and the Representatives which looked like it was being rebuilt. The square of statues, however, which previously held colossi of Mandalorian history was now full of rubble.

The other thing he noticed as they moved closer to the large squares was he could see hundreds of people, some with helmets, but mostly without. He knew that the Way was not widely observed, and mostly within the military, but it still felt jarring to him to see so many Mandalorians without helms. Living normal lives. His entire life since the Clone Wars had been about survival and protecting the safety of others. His life was the Way, but life went on outside the Way. And that was as it should be; it was what he should be fighting for.

Then he realized that the ship was aimed toward the old headquarters of the Chancellor of Defense. He smiled to himself. Clan Vizsla had come home. The Death Watch was the highest level Defense Squadron of Mandalore before they split from the pacifist government. He was happy they had been restored to their honorable mission.

The Razor Crest set down on the first landing pad and Din started shutting down all systems. The Child, however, could not contain his excitement and immediately jumped down from his seat on Din’s lap and started toward the ladder.

“Wait! KID!” Din shouted as he quickly flipped switches in order. Then he rushed after the Child and found him in the sleeping bunk retrieving his blue blanket and his silver ball. Din had to laugh and sighed with relief.

“I’m ready to settle in for a while too, but let’s take this one step at a time ok?” He put the ball and blanket down again on the bed, picked up the Child set him down on the ground, and then squatted down to his level.

“We have a mission. We need to find your people. And we need to find out if we have a place here if our mission to find your people fails. These people are our kin, but they respect strength.” He smiled to himself. “Who am I kidding, We know you have plenty of that.”

The Child looked at him thoughtfully, and then lifted up his arms. Din picked him up again and they touched foreheads and then looked at each other.

“Be brave, be careful, and stick with me, ok?”

The look the Child gave almost looked like a small smirk, and he got the distinct impression he was thinking, I’m always brave. He couldn’t help but suspect the Child was starting to understand him.

“Let’s go.” He put the Child down again, and then lowered the ship’s outer door.

******************************************************

By the time the door lowered down completely there was a greeting party already arriving on a speeder. They all wore Clan Vizsla armor, and several ancient Clan helmets, but no individuals that he specifically recognized. That did not surprise him because the Clan previously numbered in the thousands and stretched across multiple settlements. Din started to walk down the ramp and he could hear the Child walking next to him.

The female at the head of the party stepped down from the speeder and waited for them to approach her. Din walked slowly to accommodate for smaller legs and feet.

Din stopped just in front of the female and then eased down on one knee and bowed over his knee.

“Din Djarin, Foundling of Clan Vizsla. I’m reporting home because I have — a new Clan Vizsla Foundling. I also must report that Paz Vizsla is currently — missing. He was lost on Nevarro when former Imperials attacked, but the Tribe reports that he may have escaped off-world.”

The female stepped forward and reached down to Din’s pauldron and ran her fingers over his sigil. Then placed a hand on top of Din’s helmet.

“Din Djarin, House Vizsla rejoices in your return. Clan Vizsla’s losses were among the heaviest. Clan Wren was nearly decimated. And Clan Saxon has failed to make restitution. The Foundlings are the future. Rise, Din Djarin.”

Din looked up and stood before her, and gestured to the Child standing by his leg.

“This is my Foundling. He did not have any identification when I found him. He does not yet understand the Way. We come before you seeking his acceptance in the Clan, and for him to be named.”

The female nods, “Of course. What significance is the sigil?”

Din nodded back. “The Child and I fought the Mudhorn together. He used his mind to hold the Mudhorn back long enough for me to kill it. He saved my life, and then I saved him from the Empire.”

The entire party on the speeder now turned their helmets towards the Child. He looked back at them with large black eyes and squeaked, but then he puffed up his chest a little proudly. Din was happy his smile was hidden by his helm.

The female looked back at Din and nodded again. “We will find an appropriate name for this impressive show of strength from one so small.” She cocked her head. “Do you intend to train him?”

Din shook his head, “The Foundling is in my care but he would not survive the training. I must find his own kind, or find someone who can train him to use his powers — as a Jedi.”

Every person on the pad froze at the mention of that Order. Din could barely comprehend how he had never heard of them before if so many Mandalorians knew of them. The female had frozen as well but now recovered her composure.

“Come, let us discuss this mission in more detail — inside.”

She turned and stepped back onto the speeder. Din motioned for the Child to follow, then Din was the last to board. The whole ride inside the structure he could feel the eyes of the entire party on him and he could feel the Child next to him inching closer to him nervously. But Din was proud he stood his ground and did not cower or hide under his cape.

The speeder stopped inside the compound at a grand door with high arches that once held stained glass. Four of the Mandalorians stepped out and took posts next to this door. Then the female stepped off and led the way through the door and down a stately hallway for Din and the Child to follow. She did not walk slowly, so Din picked up the Child and he rode on his shoulder. Din walked a little slower as he looked around and hid his stiff joints from the others. The female stopped outside a large office and waited for them to walk inside.

Once inside two others of the entourage stopped to stand guard and she closed the doors and turned to face them. Her helmet had accents of gold and white, and the eyes came out to a wider point compared to the Armorer. She was taller, as tall as Paz, and carried all of the authority expected in his Clan.

“Din Djarin, I am Zaral Vizsla. I am Paz Vizsla’s cousin — and yours. Your father, my mother’s younger brother, as you know, died during the Purge. Your father saved many Foundlings, you are among only four to complete the training, and you are the only one to return after the Purge.”

Din felt his legs going slightly weak as the weight of this information set in.

“Then... you do not know of Paz’s whereabouts?”

Zaral shook her head. “He has not yet returned. You were the last to see him alive.”

“I was not. The leader of the Tribe on Nevarro, the Armorer, she saw him when the Imperials attacked. He was last seen during the assault. He was among many that disappeared and were assumed escaped — or captured.” He finished quietly. To be captured would mean death.

Zaral nodded. “We must make contact with the Armorer then. We must continue to bring our sisters and brothers home.”

Din nodded, “The Tribe as you know has no communication equipment, to prevent detection. But I have people on Nevarro that may contact her directly.”

Zaral nodded, and she then turned toward the volumes of data on the shelves behind her desk and walked around behind it.

“Today, however, I’m afraid we must face an unpleasant task before we can celebrate the naming of your Foundling. We must address the issue of his apparent power in the Force.”

“The Force?” Din said.

“It is the name of the power this Foundling has a connection to. It is how he lifted a Mudhorn that was ten thousand times his weight,” Zaral replied.

“He also stopped a fire trooper’s weapon. And he healed a Mynock venom wound.”

Zaral now looked up from the data console and stood. “This Child has done all of these things?”

Din nodded, and the Child chirped in response.

Zaral stood astounded. “I have only heard legends of Jedi with such powers. Even the few left that have met our Clan cannot do all of these things, with years of training.”

Din was now also stunned. “But — what does that mean for him?”

Zaral shook her head. “I do not know.” She beckoned for him to move closer to the desk.

A symbol appeared on the holodisplay, one that he did not recognize. “This is the symbol of the Jedi. They were an Order of sorcerers that began untold eons ago, the Order trained those with a strong connection to the Force to use their power to protect freedom in the Galaxy from those who would dominate others.

“They grew in number and then began the discord. As with all organizations splinters began and some maintained a peaceful demeanor while others tended toward a warrior way of life. The warriors, however, became too enamored with their growing power and soon left the Order completely to grow as a new Order called the Sith. They cultivated their power in Darkness and waged war on the Jedi, nearly wiping them out. The Jedi power came from the Light and soon their numbers of recruits far surpassed the growth of the Darkness and they were victorious, destroying the Sith Temple at Moraband.

“Five thousand years ago, the Jedi Order established a Temple on Coruscant, and became advisors to a rising power that eventually became the Old Republic. But after three thousand years the Mandalore found a decline in that Republic was due to the philosophy of the Jedi, avoiding battle at all costs, and protecting weak leaders, and they came into conflict. Our weaponry was developed over millennia in order to manage battle with Jedi whose powers required no machines. We were victorious on many battle fields. Over a thousand years ago, Tarre Vizsla, a Mandalorian with an unrivaled connection to the Force, was allowed to train with the Jedi because his mother felt that the conflict must end. He became one of the fiercest warriors of the Jedi, and he created a weapon called the Dark Saber. But ultimately, due to politics on both sides, he was forced to choose. He refused to fight against his own people, and he left the Order, leading the Mandalorians against the Jedi to his death. His Dark Saber was brought back to the Jedi temple until it was stolen back by House Vizsla and used as a symbol to rule Mandalore.”

Zaral turned back to Din and the Child who still sat on his shoulder with his mouth open in awe. “This story is for you both to understand what you are facing on this quest. You see before you nearly ten thousand years of history, and three thousand years of conflict with Mandalore. However, I want you both to understand that does not mean there is no hope for your Clan to bring Mandalore into a stronger future. For a member of a Clan who has such powers to heal should have a name worthy of a Jedi.”

Din reached up to his shoulder and picked up the Child to set him on Zaral’s desk. She reached out and placed her hand on his head.

“I name you, Tarre-Haal, the second of House Vizsla to be a Jedi warrior — and the first Jedi healer.”

Din also put his hand on Tarre-Haal, who cooed, but did not move.

Din whispered, “Ni kyr'tayl gai sa’ad,” I know your name as my child.

Zaral replied, “Gai bal manda,” Name and soul.

When Zaral and Din removed their hands Tarre looked up at them, and Din saw in his eyes a look that said, I’ll make you proud.

Din looked back up at Zaral, “You agree then, I should take him back to the Jedi? How am I to find them? Are they still on Coruscant?”

Zaral shook her head, “The Order was destroyed by the Emperor at the end of the Clone Wars. The fugitive Jedi were hunted during the Age of the Empire, and very few remain. However, I heard that it was two Jedi who returned the Dark Saber to House Wren before the Purge, and it was Bo-Katan of House Kryze who used it to unite Mandalore to resist the Empire, but ultimately failed.”

Din had not heard of the final events on Mandalore. “So House Kryze was destroyed.”

Zaral nodded, “And Bo-Katan murdered. Her nephew, Kor-Kayan, was captured and presumed dead. When the Empire fell the Governor and the Imperial Security Bureau were finally driven from the planet. And we began to rebuild.”

Din leaned forward. “Who murdered Bo-Katan?”

Zaral looked back at Din, “Moff Gideon.”

Din suddenly felt his breath leave him, and had to brace his hands on the desk. Tarre-Haal walked over to his father and put one hand on his arm, slowly closing his eyes.

Suddenly, Din felt a warmth spreading from his arm to his injured shoulder and up further to his head and down to his lungs. When he realized what was happening, he reached over to Tarre and placed a hand over the tiny one on his arm.

“Stop, please, Tarre. You have done enough, you need your strength.” He gently pulled the tiny hand off his arm and Tarre looked up at him with his large black eyes. “Save your strength.”

Din looked back to Zaral. “I am injured because I fought and killed Moff Gideon on Nevarro. His forces are in retreat as we speak.”

Zaral nodded. “Your entire Clan will be told of this victory.”

Din stood up again and looked her in the eye. “I will also return to that fight, but first, I must find the two Jedi. I must speak with House Wren.”

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfic #the mandalorian fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #fanfiction #din djarin #cara dune #the child #baby yoda #the armorer #paz vizla #greef karga #ahsoka tano #sabine wren #clone wars #star wars #star wars rebels #darksaber

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killianmesmalls · 5 years

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FINALLY!!! My con recap is... long. And I’m wordy. And it’s long. BUT IT’S HERE! Below the cut for anyone who is crazy enough to read it all.

Friday:

By the time the weekend really got started, I had already had the chance to meet up with @lillpon Wednesday evening for a last-day-at-work happy hour and then again when she, @justmilah, and @fraddit came over to my place to hang out, watch Once, and put the totally last minute touches on my Tilly cosplay. (Also, BTW, yes I am using nicknames because 1) I figure it’s easier for people to follow along and 2) I don’t know how much some people want their real names to be attached to fellow crazies and sent into the ether.) We ended up venturing down to pick up the car from my father-in-law, and on the way found a meeting place for @queen-mabs-revenge to gather with us. Now, we couldn’t find her, kept checking to see where she might be, when LO, HERE COMETH A TINY ITALIAN IN A BIG MCFRIGGIN HAT. Yes, she was indeed sauntering down 8th Avenue in her Lt. Jones hat, which was probably the 18th weird thing most passing New Yorkers had seen in the two hours since they had woken up.

We then all tackle each other and me, @fraddit, @justmilah, and @queen-mabs-revenge continue on to meet my FIL for the car, where Mabs was super on board with helping him trek stuff from the trunk back to his apartment after seconds of meeting him. Such a polite. Without much ado, we make our way to the middle of friggin nowhere New Jersey, aided by the very comforting fact that Mabs navigates the way I need to be navigated to. Much thanks. Many appreciate. Wow.

Our first stop once we go around in circles a few times since driving in Whippany itself is a damn adventure was to meet up with @thesschesthair. While Mabs is confusing the front desk dude with her hat, Chesty over there gives us a call and I sneak out, lock eyes across the dingy parking lot of the Red Carpet Inn, by its derelict diner, and leap into her arms. She then comes over to attack Milah and Fraddit before properly grabbing Mabs so hard they were close to osmosis.

I’m not going to lie, it’s at this point through to Monday evening where things sort of blur. Mabs and Chesty requested rooms beside each other and GUESS WHAT. Yep, you guessed it, they had rooms that actually were connected by a door that was hidden behind Mabs’s oversized fridge. Oh! And there was a random toilet just hanging out outside their rooms. Because, why not? When Puh Pah has to go, he has to go. Also, it’s here that Mabs gives us all Alice-themed totes from Poundland (YES, LAUGH, IT’S GREAT) and then we do roundabouts again to get to the Marriott where the rest of us are staying.

Registration was a breeze, and then we collapse into the lounge area where we meet up with @theonceoverthinker and an already-registered Chesty, where she and I are off to the side making inappropriate jokes and then deciding it’s time to wine o’clock this con. Guys? The pub in the Marriott got some play by the Pirate Crew (thank you, @freifraufischer for dubbing us all as pirates), we tried their Poisoned Apple sangria, shot the shit, and then went about checking in and getting ourselves settled while at various points meeting up with @captregina, @lillpon, and @freifraufischer.

At some point (again because all is a blur) we went to Chris’s Q&A where I asked him a couple of questions and honestly blanked on most of the experience because OMFGITALKEDTOSMEE. Then Jared came on, was very much however you’d imagine Jared being, and I was still very much focused on Chris saying how much Smee would love Alice and knowing that Colin and Rose day was tomorrow.

Afterwards, we got autographs, where Mabs’s delightful totes came in handy and I had Gil, Chris, and Jared sign the back of the Alice tote. Gil was nice and I complimented Jared on how much him being open about anxiety meant to people, but it was Chris that, to me, was the MVP. He was incredibly personable, funny, and a total teddy bear. I asked him about the blooper he was in where it seemed like Smee was trying to convince Hook to not duel with Ahab (the one where Colin spat in his face) and Chris said he honestly forgot what was happening in that scene, but he would ask Colin. Still, the one thing he did remember was when he knelt down in front of Colin in the post-duel “Congratulations, Captain, you won!” scene, he split his pants. The camera was to his back, but his treasures were on full display in front of Colin.

I also asked Chris for a hug because, I mean, YOLO, and he obliged! Honestly, he’s a damn pumpkin and I adore him.

Now, there was karaoke night after this, but some of us were bad idea bears and decided to say “f--- this” and went into the pool with some sea salt gin Mabs had brought over. We’re super classy, guys.

...What happens at the pool, stays in the pool. :P

Saturday:

OMG COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

I was legit saying this and hopping up and down I don’t know how many times. I focused most of the morning trying to make sure I had myself together, getting my tights ripped just right, getting my hair done, venturing to @captregina’s room so I could do her hair (where I met @brave-lassie), doing her eyeliner, doing my makeup, meeting up with everyone, and trying to contain my feelings about COLIN AND ROSE DAY!!!

I missed most of the Wild Bunch Q&A in my efforts to get ready and in waiting for Rose’s photo ops. I lined up with Capt just by where the actors enter into the room they do the photo ops in and got my very first in-person look at Rose.

Guys.

GUYS.

That precious angel GLOWS. I cannot say enough how adorable and lovely she looks and is in person, but I will try my best. She’s insanely precious. Honestly, I was probably a walking hearteyes emoji. I try to keep my cool as I wait for her in line, where I’m set to get a picture with her than a shared picture with her and Capt, and the moment she sees me in my Tilly cosplay she exclaims, “NAILED IT!” Then, like a spastic idiot, I told her I couldn’t help myself since she’s my favorite, and she said, “You’re my favorite!” Bless her. She’s insanely personable and tilts her head to you, and is a personified cupcake.

After that, I brought Capt in for a shared picture with her, where we handed her my bunny mask and Rubik’s cube I had made with the help of Lill as we (plus Milah and Fraddit) had lounged on my couch Thursday night. She geeked out a bit over them, I asked her which one she wanted to hold, and she chose the Rubik’s cube, I held the mask, and Capt and I held a pillowcase she had gotten a while back that said, “We’re all mad here.”

Rapid fire they then did Colin and Chris photos followed by Colin and Rose, where all of us collectively lost our minds throughout. There are some pretty stellar ones people got with Colin and Chris, and then OMFG KNIGHTROOK.

Not going to lie, I kind of blanked on it a bit. I just remember saying “hi” to them both, taking a photo in the middle of them, and then ushering in PERFECT TACO HAT LT. JONES MCMABS in for the second photo, where I pulled a crazy face and she pulled that cheesy salute in that pic of him and Bernard.

Then was Rose’s Q&A, and as you can tell she’s still the embodiment of sunshine with a dash of silliness. I must have had a massive smile on my face the entire time in between bouts of laughter.

Before her panel ended, they called for Colin photos, which I needed to get to early because I had Rose’s meet and greet, but HELL NO WAS I MISSING ANY OF ROSE. Nope. So I stayed, then dashed out, and totally thought I’d be fine because…hey, I had already met and touched the man, how hard could this be?

BEING A NORMAL HUMAN AROUND HIM IS IMPOSSIBLE. I just hope I didn’t sound too much like an idiot when I said another hello and asked, “Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Tired panda just opened his arms and we took a quick picture, and his face was SUPER CLOSE TO MINE and I didn’t know what to do with myself and suddenly that scruff was AGAINST MAH FACE. I think I entered a new plane of existence at some point but remembered I had feed and managed to use them to walk out and not completely venture to a new reality.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t have time to transcend to nirvana because ROSE’S MEET AND GREET WAS NEXT. It got off to a late start since Emilie was still in the room when we got up there, but I’d wait howmstever long for her.

SHE IS AN ANGEL. I mean, absolute, 100%, grade-A, undiluted angel. She makes an effort to engage with everyone and really make eye contact with you, speak to you for as much as she can, and is just naturally her sweet and funny self. She then took selfies with everyone, where I told her my name was “Carrie, like the movie” which is my default at Starbucks because then people know how to spell it. She fake scared and pretended like she was ducking her head and going to walk out, which we shared a laugh at before our picture.

I missed most of Karen David’s panel, but right afterward was COLIN!!! Tired panda did his best to wake up and be his silly, smartass self, bless his heart. I’m so glad he said he wished there were more to the KnightRook story because he feels like there’s more to explore with that and HARD AGREE, COL! Also massive, MASSIVE shoutout to Overthinker for her crazy awesome questions!!! You are indeed worthy of being his favorite!!! Also, props to @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt for her original question about craft services. Dudes, the things we don’t think about!!! I need to try a grilled cheese with pickles now, that sounds AMAZING. OH! OH!!! AND HE DID THE WORM! AND SANG! How were we this #blessed?!?!

We then had a hot minute (or roughly 30) before KNIGHTROOK PANEL!!! Guys, those two and their dynamic will never not kill me. THOSE TWOOOOOOO!!!! HOW PERFECT ARE THEY?!?! I think their humor together is priceless and she’s like a damn coffee bean to him. It’s a good thing I like odd things because I CAN’T EVEN WITH THEM. (:smirk:) AS IF THAT WEREN’T ENOUGH he goes and kills us with his Millian answer and I see Mabs and Milah vibrating into the ether.

After that is almost immediately autographs, where they had us line up for Colin then head over to Rose. They tucked tired panda behind this black curtain, and Mabs, Capt, and I coordinated getting various things signed for us and others. When I told him something was for someone who had contributed to the Whitecaps charity, he replied, “Oh! Very good.” Then he got my spyglass and went all childishly curious, peeked inside the box, then raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk.

Then it was off to see Rose, who was taking more time to talk to fans, which is understandable given the fact that Colin had a longer line and Rose also can’t seem to help herself. Chesty gave me her badge so I could get a second autograph, like a friggin champ, and I had Rose sign the spyglass and also had the title page of the manuscript I’ve written (I NEED TO FINISH EDITING IT) and told her it was a 1920s Alice in Wonderland retelling, and I thought having her sign it would be a good luck charm. She sounded super enthusiastic about it and wrote a long note for me on it, which I will for sure cherish forever!!!

OH! And on my way to get into the Rose line, I hear someone say my name and LO AND BEHOLD, IT’S @leiandcharles!!! HUZZAH!!! I probably sounded like a spaz because I was on a Colin and Rose high and was all over the place but she pretended to not be terrified of the insanity that was me… ANYWAY!

It was then time for dinner. With the pub PACKED TO THE GILLS, especially after there was a bomb scare at a nearby hotel so the people there had to come over to ours for a bit, a group of us went up to Capt’s room to hang out and get pizza. I’m probably going to blank on everyone that was in that room, but I do remember dragging Leia there, meeting @coaldustcanary, Overthinker kicking over my drink and being roasted about it by Chesty (still makes me giggle!), and generally being a nuisance with Capt, Mabs, and Milah while Fraddit, and Lill went off to introduce Chesty to Chipotle. It has since changed her life.

At some point we declare we should hang out at the pub again, and a group of us went to go shoot the shit until Mabs passed out right there in the booth (CALLIN’ YOU OUT, POPS!) and everyone was sufficiently either toasted or tired. Some of us then venture up to my room, and shenanigans ensued. THUS ENDETH COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

Sunday:

While I was sad this seemed like a less crazy day for us, I was also a bit relieved because hot DAMN was I tired after the day before. Still, we didn’t have much time to really collect ourselves because the Mills fam gold panel started at 10, so a group of us wandered down to breakfast.

We then get in to see Andrew, Lana, and Bex, where Lana and Bex were of course hysterical together, Andy looked cute, and you could feel the collective vibrating of all Regina and Zelena fans which was adorable. I mean, I love Regina, but there was some LOVE in that room from her Evil Regals. I do wish Andy had gotten a bit more attention or had been a bit more vocal, but it’s got to be hard to not just let Lana and Bex own the stage.

There was then a decent break before Bex’s panel. That woman, as you all likely know, is HYSTERICAL. She kept the room laughing through most of her panel, and you can see she has nothing but love for her fans and her costars.

After her panel, I don’t have anything I’m too fussed about until 2 (MILAH WAS ROBBED IN THAT VID CONTEST, BTW, JUST SAYING) and so some of us gather together for lunch in, you guessed it, the hotel pub! Dudes, our options were limited and it looked like a library and had loaded potato soup. What more do you want?

It’s then time to MEET LANA, where me, Mabs, and Capt try to strategically settle ourselves somewhere out of the way but close enough to the side door to get a good look at the queen as she walks in. And, DAMN, that woman is gorgeous! Me and Capt then leap into the line where she proceeds to get two very adorable photos done and then I get pulled in to get hugged by Lana (!!!!!!!!!) while Capt hugs her from the back. She was super sweet and patient the whole time with everyone, and you could really see how much she loves spending time with her fans.

We then decide some of us need shots because some of us (*cough* Capt *cough*) are about to pass out from being so near Her Majesty’s presence, and then we wander into the ballroom for Henry Squared’s panel. Andy was adorable, Jared was typical Jared. I’ll be honest, I don’t have anything from that panel that seems to stick out to me as a solid memory, though maybe that was the whiskey shot’s fault.

Then comes Lana’s panel and, once again, you can feel the energy of the Evil Regals in the room. For however silly Colin, Rose, and KnightRook panels are, HOLY DAMN Lana panels are just filled with all sorts of emotions! It was like a damn rollercoaster! I laughed, I teared up, I was generally all over the place. SO MANY FEELINGS, GUYS. It was delightful but also made me just desperately need to laugh about fart jokes with my fellow Colin heathens. WE DON’T KNOW EMOTIONS.

Sadly during the following break, it is time to say farewell to the spun sugar that is Lillpon. I console myself knowing I’ll see her again, but it’s depressingly others’ last time with her, but ONLY FOR NOW. Yes? Yes.

Next up is autos with Andrew and then Lana. Andrew was a sweetheart. I was standing next to Capt and Mabs, where we proceeded to tell him how great we thought he was in season 7 and how much that season and his performance in it meant to us and brought back some love for the show. He seemed genuinely touched and said it meant a lot to him to hear that. Bless that boy.

We then wait a bit for me, Capt, Mabs, and Milah to venture up for Lana’s autos. By the time we got to her, we had this whole strategic thing planned out where I’d bring up S7 Hooked Queen, Capt gets her Hooked Queen picture signed, and Mabs gets the word for Capt’s tattoo. Lana says she did expect when they started that she thought Hook and Regina were going to be a thing but alas. Oh! And Mabs tells her that they’ve got family from the same area of Sicily, where Lana proceeds to say they do kinda look alike, and it is now confirmed #fam.

With everything over, we head once again to, YOU GUESSED IT AGAIN, the hotel pub. Chesty and Fraddit have already settled in and eaten, and me, Mabs, Capt, Overthinker, and Milah get ourselves all ordered up where we both mourn the end of the weekend and still buzz from the high the last three days had given us. A series of more shenanigans ensues, and none of us are ready for the weekend to be over. I’m pretty sure we collectively tried to drag it out for as long as possible.

For one last hurrah, we then venture to the pool again and meet up with @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker, where we all debrief and collectively laugh about the weekend, in addition to getting all into our feels about how Swan Queen fans and Hook fans are being all chill and friendly with each other. WHO KNEW PEOPLE COULD HUMAN?!

It was a fantastic end to the weekend, and there were more days ahead that involved ridiculous conversations in the car (Thicc Lady and Pointy Boi! Is this Central Park?! etc), meeting Mabs’s ENTIRE FAMILY, hearing Chesty lose her mind several times, enjoying super Long Island experiences with them, Milah, Overthinker, and Fraddit, and so on. Some of us also went sailing on a tall boat later, where we hoisted the main sail and felt like proper pirates! Then there was just general hanging out, but I won’t bore you further with that.

Instead, I’ll bore you with shoutouts!

@lillpon DESCUSTANG!!! You’re such a damn delight. Both sharing a bed and hoisting the main sail with you was brilliant and I love you forever. YOU MET COLIN!!!

@queen-mabs-revenge What are words? I have none. And if I started I’d probably turn into a mess so FARTS BELLY PT CRUISER POINTY BOI FARTS! I’ll probably emotion at some point and send it to you in private and then go run off to watch bloopers or something to get back to some sort of state of normal.

@fraddit SEVEN?! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! Resting judge face or no, you’re fantastic, I love you, and you’re forever welcome in my apartment! Or basically anywhere with me.

@thesschesthair You funny asshole, I don’t know what I would have done without you to be there to say jokes as foul as mine. You were such a good sport about me being an annoying shit. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed we can celebrate your birthday with a Captain Charming shindig!!!

@justmilah You’re so sweet and so funny and just damn precious. I LOVED going to the American Girls store, traipsing around Rockefeller Center, exploring actual Central Park, getting Millian and Knightrook feels in the AMNH, and wasting time at Johnny Utah’s with you. You’re always welcome!!!

@captregina Mah darling! I’m so glad and relieved that you had a good experience! You earned it, and I’m excited to talk about it over brunch with you.

@theonceoverthinker YOU FAVORITE PHD GENIUS! Stellar questions from a stellar person. It was amazing to hang out with you and we should do it again soon!!!

@the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt You’re a precious angel and it was delightful to meet you! I’m so glad you felt welcomed into the fold. But, of course you were! You’re wonderful!

@brave-lassie From one “mom” to another, thanks! Also, you’re a sweetheart and YOU MAKE AN AMAZING RED!!!

@leiandcharles @freifraufischer @coaldustcanary @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU ALL! And thank you for being so patient and awesome with some of the shenanigans.

#ouat nj #long mcfriggin post #I WANTED TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING!!!#and i still probably left stuff out

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allthingstransandbeautiful · 5 years

Text

Stage 1 Phalloplasty - Day 7

Today’s the day and it’s gone really quickly! It feels like you wait an absolute lifetime for lower surgery and then before you know it, you’re 7 days post op! I had said goodbye to some of the nurses last night as it was their day off today, and thanked matron for the romantic shower/spa day experience.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night but just because I was excited to go home, it felt like I’d only just got to sleep before the nurse woke me up at 6am for my vitals checks. I didn’t mind really as I was going home!

One of the strangest feelings is that I didn’t know where my arm was so if I fell asleep for example I would think I knew where my arm was (usually by my side) but I couldn’t have been more wrong every time I thought about it, it made me realise that I needed to be careful I didn’t bump into things when I was out and about and hope that as time went on I wouldn’t feel like that forever.

I’d had all my dressings changed and the nurse said that my arse had healed so well that I didn’t need any dressings on as the wound had closed up completely, she said it was up to me if I wore the dressings home, I’d opted not to as they were uncomfortable when trying to pee but I was very aware that that meant all 52 arse staples were exposed so I would have to be careful. The nurse gave me some dressings to take with me just in case I changed my mind. We packed up, I got dressed, picked up all my dressings , sick note, compression socks and post op care notes and headed out the door. I was leaving hospital, officially 7 days post op stage 1 phalloplasty. I’d done it.

The drive home went smoothly, my phallus was covered in dressings and had to be kept at a 45 degree angle whilst the incision sites still recovered so there was a rather large bulge which meant I had to be inventive when getting out at services and trying to cover it up so I didn’t get arrested. Holding a hoodie in front of you works well! I was too scared to use any stairs while I was out and about so it took quite a while for me to get round services but slow and steady wins the race!

Me and Kathy were both quite emotional on the way home and talked about times when I was depressed for what felt like a lifetime before coming out and how upset I was when I did come out and how Kathy had phoned gender clinics for me to chase my referrals as I was too afraid to, we’d come a long way as a couple and I’d come a long way through my transition, we both welled up on the way home but agreed they were happy tears!

To lighten the mood I had found a ‘what is your penis name quiz’ online and decided to have a go. Turns out my penis name is Hugo Cumberdong because: ‘You are extremely manly and your penis is a brave and fearless companion. You need a name that says daring, noble and the best damn penis you’ve ever seen.’ A fitting tribute for my 7 day old new phallus….thanks BuzzFeed.

I finally fell asleep from all the excitement on the journey home, it had been a long day already, especially as I hadn’t slept well the night before. I woke up just as we were coming off the motorway at big Tesco…..you know youre nearly home when you see big Tesco! It was nice to see the familiar roads and surroundings. I finally got home to the familiar smells and home comforts that I didn’t know I had missed until I had returned.

It took me a good hour to get comfortable at home, trying different seating positions on the sofa, lying down, standing up, half lying down half sitting up until eventually I settled down. My temperature couldn’t decide if I was hot or cold but I settled into watching Grey’s anatomy while Kathy cooked some tea. I had missed home cooked food but again didn’t realise I had until I’d eaten it again!!

I tried using the stairs for the first time and surprisingly did very well. I was able to get up and down the stairs quite easily by myself albeit slowly but before I had surgery I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get up and down the stairs and so would be imprisoned in my room for at least a week so, that was great news. I was also worried about using the toilet as the toilets in hospital were higher up and had handles next to them so you could take the weight off a bit which, when you’ve got 52 staples in your arse is such a wonderful thing, but it turned out I was ok using the toilet at home too. It wasn’t a walk in the park, I was sore but it was manageable especially as I had been worried I would need help and that’s something I didn’t want.

I’ve realised that just being naked or at least not wearing anything on the bottom half when you’re home (apart from the net pants youre given) was the easiest way to go. That way, plenty of air can get around your bits to promote healing, there’s less to think about when you have to go to the toilet and it’s generally a lot easier to take photos to send to the surgeon if there’s issues and to keep an eye on things in general…..just make sure the curtains are closed when the gardeners come round if you’re only wearing your birthday suit!

I was worried when I got home that I might have to endure the 45 minute battle to poo again so as soon as I got home I took two herbal laxatives to see if that would prevent the post op constipation as I just couldn’t go through that torture again. Myself and Kathy had decided I would sleep alone as I needed quite a lot of space and my arm needed to be elevated as much as possible. I’d practised sleeping on my back two weeks before surgery so I wasn’t too uncomfortable and once I got into my own bed, with my own sheets, it felt like absolute luxury. I had to get up in the night a few times to pee and take pain killers, Kathy checked on me in the night and I felt incredibly grateful for her. I was finally on the long road to recovery.

#trans #gender #transgender #surgery #transman #genderreassignment #phalloplasty #stage1 #recovery #hospital #transition

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