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#i constantly feel like a burden or a bother when i need to feel attention

mstase · 5 months

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MOON ASPECTING NEPTUNE — 🌊

“sometimes, i feel like an emotional sponge 🧽, just soaking up everyone else’s pain..☁️”

☄️ these individuals are very sensitive to the subtle emotions around them. they have an innate ability to understand and deeply feel other people’s needs and emotions. they possess strong intuition and are gifted with artistic abilities

🌙 they are attentive to subtle cues, like changes in someone’s tone of voice. if they notice a slight change, they are the types to ask about what might be bothering the other person, or they will just overthink and dwell about it.

☄️ notably empathetic, they readily offer help to those around them, demonstrating selflessness. however, they may struggle with setting boundaries and often feel burdened by carrying others’ problems, leading to a sense of emotional exhaustion.

🌙 minor inconveniences easily overwhelm them, resulting in them constantly retreating to their safe place. their heightened sensitivity often leads them to take things personally or feel overly connected to events, even when they might not directly involve them. due to this, they prefer a peaceful and quiet environment and are highly sensitive to unpleasant situations.

☄️ the person’s emotional well-being was greatly affected by their mother’s possible abuse or addiction. intuitively sensing the mother’s sufferings, they internalized these emotions as their own. their needs may not have been consistently met due to the emotional or physical absence of one of the parents.

🌙 these people are highly imaginative and often turn to art and daydreaming for comfort. in more extreme cases, some might resort to alcohol or other substances to escape.

☄️ they tend to get lost in daydreams, creating imaginary worlds to make themselves feel better. however, this absorption in their imagination can lead them to ignore responsibilities, making them feel depressed or sad.

🌙 dealing with confusion, they struggle to express or understand their emotions, especially with the hard aspects. this difficulty can stem from picking up others’ emotions as their own. people may also have a hard time understanding them, which leads them to feel left out.

☄️ their strong intuition and sensitivity likely grants them psychic abilities and prophetic dreams, allowing them to perceive or sense the future. they may also experience unexplained sights or sounds.

🌙 they can appear physically and emotionally weak, emitting a soft and delicate aura. because of this, they need to look out against those who take advantage or harbor hidden motives.

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nyx-lyris · 1 year

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the crows when they get sick

matthias: he’s a strong guy, so i imagine his immune system is pretty good. but, if he ever does get sick, he does everything he can to hide it. eventually, of course, nina finds out and insists on tending to him until the sickness has passed. she sends for inej to get the supplies she needs to keep him well so she can remain by his side. he tells her he’s fine, and of course he’s worried about getting her sick, but inwardly he loves having her take care of him.

nina: nina’s a grisha, so i don’t think she can get sick. however, if she did get sick, she wouldn’t try to hide it - mostly to get matthias to take care of her. she would bask in his attention, and he would give her everything she needed. soup, medicine, a cool press for her head, you name it, he’s on it. or rather, inej is on it - she would volunteer to get anything matthias needed, coming in sometimes to spend time with her best friend. of course, she’s worried about him getting sick, but he tells her not to worry, his immune system is nigh impenetrable.

jesper: it depends on who he’s around whether he lets on or not. if it’s just him and wylan at the van eck mansion, he doesn’t bother to hide it - but if he’s on a job, he hides it as much as is humanly possible. inej would notice first and insist that he get some rest and get well, but he brushes it off with his usual smile and wink (what do you mean? i’m fit as a fiddle and twice as gorgeous!). kaz would tell him to rest up, too (no good having a member of my crew down right now), but he doesn’t listen to that either. eventually, wylan notices and immediately starts scolding him for not saying anything, before shoving him into bed and taking care of him. jesper flirts with him the whole time, telling him how great of a nurse he is, etc., etc. wylan constantly has to tell him to go to sleep, jesper, you need to get well. jesper just grins but does as he’s told. truthfully, he wants to stay sick as long as possible - he loves watching wylan play nurse.

wylan: wylan would try to hide for as long as possible. he doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone, after all. there are more important things than him. of course, he’s not exactly an expert at hiding it and eventually jesper just rolls his eyes, wraps wylan up in a blanket, and makes him the soup his mother liked to make him when he was a child. inej and nina would be there, too, doing everything they could to help. kaz would send an anonymous basket of medicines and other supplies (everyone knows it’s from him. he refuses to acknowledge it.). wylan would be more than a little ashamed at the attention from his friends family, but they would all just shake their heads and remind wylan over an over how much he’s loved.

inej: when inej gets sick, she does what she always does - hides the pain, insists she can do whatever job needs doing. she would keep up the ruse - fairly well, too - until it’s horribly obvious to everyone around her that she is definitely not okay. she would keep insisting, but nina would just sweep her off her feet and carry her up to her room, plop her down on her bed, and order her to remain there until such time as she was well (and i’ll be the judge, inej, not you. nina- you’ll just get up as soon as you’re feeling halfway straight and then you’ll fall off a roof and kaz will kill me.). the others do everything they can for her - nina spends the most time with her, but jesper and wylan make frequent visits, and occasionally matthias stops by to check in on them. kaz comes by as often as he can, but it’s difficult for him to be near her on a sickbed when all he can see is jordie’s face in his mind. so, what he does instead is leave her things by her door - food, medicine, a book she said she was interested in but never had time to read. he never leaves a note, but she knows it’s from him. whenever he does stop by, nina is out of the room instantly - he stays as long as he can, makes sure her condition is improving and she’s getting what she needs. inej makes sure to thank all of them for their help, before and after she’s well again.

kaz: this man would probably rather eat shards of glass than let anyone know he was sick. he hates getting sick. he has better things to do than lie in bed and wait it out. he refuses to acknowledge it, even though his pallor and sweaty brow are obvious to everyone around him. he keeps everyone as far away from him as possible. he angrily refuses anyone’s help - until he nearly collapses, and inej orders him to bed. his aversion to touch makes caring for him difficult, but he trusts inej. she’s constantly running around getting what he needs to keep him well, recruiting nina or matthias to keep watch while she’s out. he hates being sick, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love the feeling of inej caring for him. gentleness is horribly foreign to him, and he drinks up all inej has to offer, until he’s well again.

#kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #nina zenick #six of crows #crooked kingdom #six of crows headcanons #shadow and bone #kanej #wesper #helnick

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renrooked · 2 years

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i need to get this off my chest otherwise i'll explode but i am so unbelievably tired of the "older sibling who takes care of everyone" narrative

give me more youngest siblings who fill the oldest sibling stereotype, youngest siblings who mediate, who take care of everyone, who are reserved and more oldest siblings who are actively independent, who aren’t caretakers, who are stubborn, who are "the trouble makers"

every time i’m introduced to an eldest sibling and expected to respect them because the writer thinks it’s assumed that by making them the older sibling they were a selfless mini-adult who was forced to grow up in the family (and no one else) it takes so many years off my life

not every oldest sibling is going to be a parent figure with a sense of duty

not every oldest sibling shows they care openly/communicates well

not every oldest sibling is easy going

you can write well liked and relatable eldest siblings without making them a wise mini-adult

and their problems and struggles can extend past the side effects of being an oldest/older sibling

also, you can create a character that knows the burden of having to take care of someone without having to make them an older sibling at all!

and you can create younger siblings who aren’t selfish and sporadic. i promise, not every younger sibling is chaotic and causes a scene in order for their needs to be tended to

you can create a character that has the flaw of being brash and codependent without making them the youngest

not all younger siblings are wild and reckless

not all younger siblings are spoiled by their parents/put on pedestals

not all younger siblings are attention seeking

you can write flawed younger siblings without making them forever-children

personally my older sister never filled the whole “i’m meant to take care of you” role. she actively made it clear she didn’t want me around well into adulthood, and would often actively ignore any time i was hurt or upset to make a point for me not to bother her

and she near constantly got into arguments when we were younger that i had to mediate (mind you, she's 6 years older than me) and would make a habit of smacking me on the arm out of annoyance/frustration if i was doing something she didn't like

so sorry, but i just find it lazy a lot of the time when entire personalities are implied of "older sibling so obviously wise second parent and younger sibling so obviously messy selfish baby" and i don't think people realize how absolutely constant this dynamic is implied as an inherent fact in media

anyway, this is all probably doing nothing more than just revealing deep rooted familial trauma but i'm tired of being expected to just believe your oldest is the genuine kind hearted caretaker and youngest is the loose cannon, show me!

make me believe that it’s a natural progression of their personalities! why did the oldest decide to take on that role rather than reject it! what about their situation made the youngest feel the need to be so rebellious!

#literally the only media i've ever accepted this dynamic is arcane and supernatural #they're the only two i've watched and been like okay yeah this shit makes sense this checks out i believe it #everything else i'm just annoyed #it skips all the showing and any setup and starts right in the middle like well obviously we ended up here #no! no it's not obvious! what made y'all this way #what did yall go through. how did your parents raise you or not raise you. what made y'all feel like you needed each other #just one older sibling who is a piece of shit is that too much to ask in this economy god damn #anyways idk what to tag this now #rennie talks in tags #rennie rants #writing #sibling dynamics #familial relationships #if i miss any tags just lemme know and ill add them :D

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mercityart · 2 years

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All art and writing is mine, do not steal. View my art on other socials too. To understand the characters back stories pls view my character design/info charts. https://linktr.ee/Mercitycreeps

Tw: these characters are mentally unwell individuals who don't typically have the means for therapy or medication, they aren't meant to be perfect, and just like so many other ppl they can be toxic and exhibit bad behavior such as self harm, possessiveness and so much more.

TW!!! MENTIONS NSFW AND POSSIBLY DESCRIPTIONS OF SUCH ACTIONS!!! A ❤️ WILL INDICATE IF ITS IN THAT CHARACTERS PART

-----------------------FIRST KISS----------------------

❤️Toby- Now in all honesty it takes a very very long time to get the courage to kiss you, but once he does there's no going back, he is absolutely head over heals. Toby likely won't give you a proper kiss even after having oral sex. He is the type of guy who can fuck your brains out no problem but when it comes down to wholesome things like kissing and hugging he is very nervous.

He's used to constantly moving fast and always doing hard work so the thought of such soft things is very confusing for him. Sure he can enjoy quiet relaxation time, but typically he does this alone without anyone but himself and nature.

You likely don't see sex before hugging or kissing as ideal when entering this relationship, and so you turn down his advances in this regard. He was confused, he just doesn't understand what he's doing 'wrong', so he had came to you for answers.

As you sat on the window seat enjoying a nice cold drink you look up to see Toby standing in the doorway after spotting his large frame in the windows reflection. He stood stiff, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact before finally doing so, chewing on his lip. "Hey hun, you ok?"

Toby sighs and takes a deep breath. "Honestly? Uh, no not really. Um... I think we need to talk." This makes you freeze up.

Oh no. Not those words, not that sentence, that never means anything good. You sit up and give him your full attention in confusion. "Sure babe, I'm sorry, is... Is there anything I can do to help? What's bothering you?"

He walks forward and sits on the opposite side of the window seat, staring out at the cascading water droplets that race down the glass pane. "I don't understand. I keep trying to get intimate with you but you never want to do anything. Is it me? Did I do something?? Am I just reading the room wrong? I don't get it! We never do anything whatsoever. It's like- it's like we're not even a couple."He sighs and rests his forward against the window frame, looking to the side at you for answers.

"I... Toby... You know I love you, I do. Sex, that's not a necessity for a relationship. What if I'm ace? What then? Toby, it's not that I don't want to be intimate with you.. I don't want to have something so intense, so extreme when we never even kiss. Hell, I don't think we even hug! I try to cuddle you and you always get up saying you gotta do something. I've just kinda... Given up on intimacy." You frown and stare down at the seat, not noticing the shadow that looms over you.

"(Y/n)... Look at me." You jolt slightly as Toby's hand lightly places itself under your chin and tilts your head up to look at him. You do just that, staring up at him in confusion and worry, brows knitted together in concern, searching his expression. Toby leans in close, hand cupping your cheek as he observed you, he looked uncomfortable and nervous, uncertainty in his gaze as he leaned in nearly touching your lips when you pull away, placing a hand to his chest.

"You can't just do that to get what you want... I don't want it to mean nothing to you, I don't want it to be a burden..." You stand up, walking away without another word.

Days passed and the weather only got worse, just like your mood. You grew more and more depressed, your heart feeling like it had been shattered a bit. You feel undesirable, unloved, unappreciated, touch starved and lonely.

After the incident Toby has been spending less and less time around you, opting to find any reason at all to stay away. You lay staring at the ceiling, cheeks stained by your tears as you had sobbed, the sound of pouring rain and your music covering up the sounds of your pain.

Suddenly a loud crash reverberated around you after a bright flash, illuminating a figure from your window making you spring up in a panic, only to pause. There Toby stood, a sad look on his face as he was drenched from the storm. You can't help but take a small amount of pity on him and you unlock the window, opening it up for him and turning back to walk to your bed.

Suddenly strong arms wrap around your waist, Toby tugging you to his body as he buries his face in your shoulder. He inhales deeply, relaxing at your scent filled his senses.

"Toby...? What are y-" you are cut off by being turned to face him and his lips are planted gently on your own. The kiss was tender, his lips soft but rough due to the many scars he adorned. Slowly Toby pulls away a little bit, forehead resting against your own.

He was horribly touch starved and desperate for your affection, and he found himself actually enjoying the sweet softness of your touch, the kiss making his heart flutter.

"I've missed you... I.. I can't stay away from you.."

Tim- Tim is often away for work and missions. He is apart of a logging company and often trucks the logs to wherever they are needed, not to mention thanks to his high position within the company he has to attend meetings all over the nation and sometimes outside of the nation.

He prefers trucking as this often helps him with his missions as he's not in one place for long and thus it's hard to link anything back to him.

Tim had been away for almost two whole weeks and you are missing him significantly but you knew that this was necessary for him and the others to live away from people and live as relatively normal and comfortable lives as they could. This doesn't take away from any of the feelings of loneliness you feel though.

As such you sat in your room, knees tucked to your chest you read a sappy novel that had been recommended to you, this only seems to fuel your touch starved mind however. You tear up a bit, but to rid of these feelings you decide to get up and eat a meal on the porch.

You are quick to get dressed in comfortable clothes and order some Chinese take out, it isn't until the order arrives do you realize you ordered not just your usual but also Tims. Instead of wasting it you pay in full and set it on the table beside your own as you prepare to eat. Then there's a knock at the door, did the delivery driver forget something??

You walk over and open the door a smidge only to see the face of none other than a exhausted Tim. Swiftly the door is yanked open fully and Tim is quick to find comfort within your welcoming embrace.

"I've missed you too darlin'.." he sighs in content, burying his face in your shoulder, far too comfortable to remove himself, so he chooses not to, lifting you off the ground to wrap your legs around his waist as he enters the home, closing the door behind himself. Inhaling deeply he chuckles, "Does my nose deceive me or is that sesame chicken I smell?"

Laughing you lightly ruffle his hair, "yeah, I accidentally ordered our usual sooooo," hopping down you lead him to the couch where the food was thankfully still hot. "Eat up handsome, you look starved."

Tim tolls his eyes and tugs you to the couch, rushing to eat, taking a few large bites before relaxing and slowing down. You can't help but laugh at how eager he is, but then you notice him staring at you, his head tilted at a odd angle and looking up at you with the softest gaze you'd ever seen.

Slowly Timothy reaches up, his thumb carresing your cheek gingerly and he leans in close, able to feel his breath dust across your lips as he speaks.

"You are the most gorgeous person I've ever met..." With that he tenderly kisses you, his lips tasting of tobacco and coffee, a bitter mixture but it is oddly nice, and you welcome it.

Brian- You have been at work all day long, it is storming out and here you are, it's nearly midnight, you hadn't eaten anything since breakfast at five in the morning when you came into work at five a.m. a couple of co-workers had walked out and you were made to work overtime and close that night.

You are absolutely exhausted, starving, depressed, stressed and have a horrific migraine and unfortunately your job wouldn't allow you the time to go out to your vehicle to get any medication for it. You honestly just want to get home as quickly as possible and sleep!

Finally as the clock ticked by you finish cleaning up everything and get to clock out. You lock up the place and head out to your vehicle in a hurry, trying to avoid the pelting icy rain drops that pour from the sky, though your effort is fruitless as you end up soaked from head to toe and to make things worse you trip and twist your ankle.

Once making it to your vehicle you rest your head upon the steering wheel, tears welling up in your eyes. You are beyond stressed and don't know how much more you can take before a full blown mental break happens. Lifting your head you inhale deeply, starting up the vehicle and drive home in silence.

Upon parking in the driveway you can only limp painfully into your home, allowing the rain to absolutely drench your shivering form once more.

Inside is quiet, lonely even as you remove your shoes and you trudge your way to the bedroom solemnly. Not even five minutes pass before you hear a knock at the front door so you are given no choice but to turn right back around and answer the door.

There under a red umbrella stands Brian, he seems in a happy and energetic mood but that quickly changes upon gazing at you.

He allows himself to push into the home and closes the door after closing and shaking the umbrella, removing his shoes. Brian places his large hands on your cheeks, staring at you with furrowed brows. "You look..."

"Exhausted? In pain? Hideous?"

"I was going to say stressed but those work too."

He tugs you to him and you can't help but bury your face in his faded yellow hoodie, a quiet whimper escaping your wobbly lips as they quiver, trying not to cry.

"Oh my little flower... Sweetheart... Shhh, it's ok. I'm here, I gotcha, it's ok to cry.." and with that you begin to cry, clutching at the fabric of his hoodie.

Brian holds you for what feels like forever, rubbing your back and whispering words of comfort as your voice sobs out almost incoherent sentences of how shitty your day was. He simply nods along and carries you to your room, making you rest on the sheets as he took out a pair of shorts and removed his hoodie, handing them to you to put on.

He turns away as you change and once done he holds you close once more, laying you down on the bed and then you notice the bag he had been carrying, to which he chuckles and hands you a McDonald's meal and drink. "I assumed you'd be starving so I got us food."

You relax slightly and immediately dig into the fries with a content sigh, stomach growling desperately for the delicious food. Brian can't help but chuckle at this, nuzzling his face into your neck happily. "I knew you'd like it."

You simply hum in response, mouth too full to give much else of a response. Once you eat every last crumb and are fully satisfied Brian simply scrunches of the garbage and puts it in the garbage bin beside your bed and lays back.

Tugging you down with him, his hands tracing along your skin, tickling at your sides lightly before pecking across your face, eliciting a array of giggles and squeals before finally his eyes lock on yours and his lips grow dangerously close to your own.

Searching your gaze for any hesitation or distaste as he pulls you into a sweet yet passionate kiss, his lips are a bit rough but he is so gentle with it, honestly taking your breath away with the amount of love that radiates from him.

Once you two pull apart for air Brian gives you a toothy grin. "Fuck you are so perfect. I love you (y/n)."

Jeff- You and Jeff have been together for a while at this point, cuddling and hugging isn't a uncommon occurrence and you would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy his touch. Honestly though you crave more.

You had figured that Jeff would have initiated more long before, afterall, he is Jeff. This doesn't happen though, and you are very confused by this. You have heard stories about how much of a flirt he can be, how many people he's kissed or more, you are a bit jealous.

Jeff and you are cuddling on the couch watching a vampire movie called The Priest when you decide to try and initiate some sort of affection from the man.

At first you are playing with his hair gently, then you are nuzzling at his neck. Jeff only hums happily at these movements and so you kick it up a notch, lightly pecking his neck. This got a reaction from him but not exactly what you expected.

Jeff tensed and sits up with you on top of him, making you sit up. Now you are worried. "Jeff..? Are you ok?" He simply shakes his head, taking a moment to collect himself.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what..? Kiss your neck?"

"Duh, what else would I be talking about?" Now he is getting agitated and his mood is going downwards so you sit there trying to think of how exactly to explain yourself, should you tell the truth or make something up?

"I... I'm sorry. I just- I dunno.. I really have been wanting your love lately... I keep thinking about what people told me, and- I guess I'm just jealous..." You look away, ashamed and embarrassed, not daring to look at Jeff in that moment.

"Jealous? Of what??" He stares at you in complete and utter confusion, mouth slightly ajar. Is he joking? "You- i- we've been together for a while and we still haven't k kissed! I'm jealous of the people you haaaave kissed..!"

Now this gets quite the reaction from him, eyes wide- erm- wider, and cheeks dusted pink. "You want to kiss me?"

"Uh, duh! I've been trying to kiss you, you friggin-"

he cuts you off and covers your face with his hands. "Jeff? What the heck are you doing?"

"Nothing!" You push his hands out if the way with a bit of a struggle and a little cat fight to find him trying to hide his bright red face, he is embarrassed. "Are you-?"

"No I'm not! You shoosh!" You honestly can't help but laugh a bit, apologizing as you do so, holding your stomach as you laugh far too much. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up."

Eventually you wipe the tears from your eyes and calm down enough. "Sorry, you are too cute." He simply huffs and pouts, crossing his arms before freezing up.

You had leaned down and pressed your lips flush to his own. Slowly but surely he relaxes and leans into it, the kiss heating up a bit. It's intense, passionate and desperate, hands tangling in one another's hair and/or clothes.

Eventually though you two have to break away for air. Panting you stare down at Jeff who's gaze is hazed over a bit, watching you with a gaze full of absolute adoration.

Soon he's tugging you back to himself, "I'm not done with you yet."

Liu- Now surprisingly, Liu is a very jealous person and can be super overprotective at times. You are hanging out with him whilst he does his job doing tattoos and piercings.

You have no problem with their job, in fact you are so happy they have a job he loves. You don't mind that they get to see all sorts of body parts and gets flirted with on a daily basis, just shows that you are with a loyal, accepting, body positive, creative and handsome as hell lover.

You enjoy watching them do his work, seeing him zone into his headspace as they focus in on his work. You currently were helping them set up for their next client, apparently it was someone who was getting their nipples pierced so you were honestly quite excited as you have been contemplating getting your own pierced so watching it get done in person is a good experience to help with the decision.

After setting up you walk over to Liu, wrapping your arms around his waist as you look up at them in endearment. "Hola precioso." He coos, swaying you both slightly. "Hello to you too handsome." Liu smiles at you, hands tracing along your back, hands planted just above your ass as they pull you in closer, leaning in close only to back off and set you to sit on his desk causing you to pout a bit.

Then you hear the bell ring out and Liu goes to greet the client. After a few minutes a woman walks in, and you'd be lying if you said she isn't gorgeous.

She wears leather pants, a baby blue crop top with a Peirce the Veil logo across her chest, and she has a death hawk that is dyed neon pink with white tips. Not to mention of course she has tattoos and piercings adorning a good portion of her body.

"Alright, if you could just take a seat and remove your top I'll be able to get started on you." Liu rolls up a small tray table with the supplies they need, carefully putting on rubber gloves.

The woman removed her top and brallete, waiting patiently for Liu to finish up. Liu is careful with explaining everything he is doing to her, being sure to be as gentle as possible, though she keeps making slightly flirtatious comments back at him.

This typically wouldn't have bothered you however this time it really does, not because she's flirting but because Liu was reciprocating these advances.

You aren't sure what to do and grow antsy as you watch. Liu seems a bit more touchy than usual, though you try and convince yourself that it's your imagination but you can't help but grow jealous and feel hurt by what you are witnessing, feeling like a third wheel, it seems as though they both completely forgot you are in the room.

So you use this to your advantage and simply walk off, taking a bit of a walk around the streets where Liu works. After about an hour you assume the woman was gone and head back to Liu's work, after all, it typically only take anywhere between them to thirty minutes to do piercings and it is time for him to close up shop anyways.

Unfortunately though, you were incorrect as she is still there, leaning over the counter talking to Liu, receipt in hand. Liu is leaning close to her as well and when you walk in, the bell reverberating around you, they look towards you.

The woman is then quick to leave, winking at Liu as she shoves past you. Now you are not a happy camper, glaring at the floor, a growl escaping your throat in irritation, gripping the metal bar of the shelf beside you tightly.

"(Y/n)..?" Snapping back to reality your gaze fixes on Liu as they walk around the counter, grabbing his coat and keys. "What." Your voice is cold and clearly agitated making them stop in their tracks, staring at you. You don't notice though, glaring at the floor, not bothering to pay attention to your surroundings.

That is of course until you are brought back to the real world as Liu presses their lips to your own in a rough kiss. The kiss is deep and a bit heated, desperate almost before he pulls away with a huff.

"You're hot when you're jealous~"

❤️Sully- Now of course you had kissed Liu first, he seems to get the first of everything with you but for Sully that doesn't count for them, he needs to be the one in control of the body for it to count.

They have been trying to kiss you for so long, longer than when you had been kissed by Liu! They are desperate for your affection. He is very much respective in regards to your consent and boundaries, so they never ever do anything without you knowing and agreeing to it first, always asking you verbally for permission only to be rejected.

You of course have been teasing him, leading him on, trying to test their limit.

You and them are on a bit of a date, walking along a forest trail to a spot in the trees Sully enjoys as it's calming for him, and they want to have a romantic picnic with you. So here you two are walking your way down the trail in a comfortable silence. You of course are wanting to screw around a bit and egg him on.

You stop and lean against a tree, glancing back at Sully, a smirk gracing your features before you duck behind the tree, giggling all the while as Sully stiffens in posture and leans around the tree to see you. Y

ou of course dodge away and you two are playing a game of cat and mouse, unbeknownst to Sully you are guiding them to their picnic spot. Eventually you dash out from behind a tree and Sully is quick to trap you in his arms, the two of you collapsing on the soft grass of the small clearing.

He is smirking and you are breathing heavily, squirming beneath him. Sully watches and leans close to you before stopping, hesitating a bit. "Awww, what's wrong big guy~? Don't you want-" you're quickly caught off guard as Sully finally shoves his lips against your own, it's deep, heated and passionate, taking your breath away allowing perfect access for him to shove his tongue into your mouth, bodies entangling as your tongues fight for dominance.

Eventually you two break away, gasping for air greedily. "Don't tease me mi alma~"

Helen- Helen is very much a cold and serious individual, she rarely shows affection and frankly you are starting to feel neglected.

You understand that they had a very rough life and don't understand emotions very well, but that doesn't stop the feelings you have.

You are laying on the window seat watching the street, stray water droplets racing down the glass from the light drizzle that has been going on and off throughout the day. Your mind is foggy, fingers lightly picking at the fabric of your shirt as your mind is a bunch of loud chaos, it is one of those times where your mind is so loud yet painfully silent at the same time.

Unbeknownst to you Helen has been sitting in a chair off to the side of you, watching you as she sketches your body in great detail. He absolutely immersed themself in his art, only when she comes to and looks at the results does she realize just how sorrowful you appear.

She sits up stiffly and his head snaps in your direction, icy gaze focusing on your frame. "мой маленький цветок what is wrong?"

This makes your attention perk up, not because he spoke but the time they used. Her voice was extremely gentle and sweet, not her usual cold monotone. You sit up a bit and turn to look towards them only to find he is kneeling beside your seat, eyes scanning your features, brows scrunched in worry, completely out of character for them.

"Helen..?" You are completely and utterly confused, this only grows as he reaches out and cups your cheek in her palm, inspecting you a bit.

"возлюбленный you look so sad, as perfect as you are I do much prefer a smile upon your features. What is the matter?"

"I... I'm just a bit sad is all. It's no big deal, really!" This only makes them more worried, frowning slightly.

"моя возлюбленная please tell me what bothers you? I wish to fix whatever it is." You blush a bit, his words far more affection than what you are used to, all you do is crawl closer, turning your body so you can wrap your arms around her shoulders and legs around their waist, nuzzling into his neck.

"тебе одиноко? You need my love?" She coos gently, an arm planting itself to support your backside while the other lightly rubs your back as he stands up with you in arm, walking over to the couch to lay down with you on top of them.

"We rarely touch at all.. I... I just really need your love... I'm sorry..." You pout a bit, embarrassment evident by the blush on your cheeks.

This only makes him chuckle a bit, leaning his face in close to yours. "You could have just asked you know."

Then her lips are on your own, and you just melt into it, their lips are intoxicating, so incredibly soft and perfect. He is passionate and slow with it, hands lightly carresing your sides.

Once he pulls away you noticed the light blush that dusts her cheeks. "ты вызываешь привыкание."

Jack(EJ)- Jack is not commonly super affection, especially not with words, typically showing his love through acts of service. You don't mind this, but you'd be lying if you said you don't want more.

You love jack, truthfully, but he does not initiate physical affection ever and frankly that has been making you feel a bit lonely as of late.

You decide to go out for a walk one night as Jack is just too busy with his hunting and you don't want to sit there all by your lonesome. Now, you had thought a walk would be a good idea, something calm and mindless but you were very wrong that night.

You are walking around aimlessly, watching the sky through the trees as you walk, this is your first mistake. Your second mistake is merely wearing shorts, a t-shirt and a old pair of worn out, slippery sneakers.

You are just too interested with the stars to pay attention to where you are going and so you have stepped far to close to the edge of a ditch and the ground is muddy thanks to the recent storms causing you to slip.

You panic, legs kicking wildly to try and stop the descent but your shoes just don't have enough traction and you fall into the ditch with a painful this, gasping sharply when you land on your knee, hearing a loud pop. You cry out in agony, low leg angled at a incredibly unnatural way.

Thumping your fist into the ground you growl, trying to calm yourself and think of a solution. You take out your phone, you have barely any signal but it's worth a shot. Your phone rings a few times, only to be greeted by the sound of a voicemail box. You hang up, cussing angrily as you sit yourself up, leaning against the side of the ditch.

You can only wait and conserve energy, hoping that your lover would return your call.

Jack was on his way home through the woods when his phone rang, however the signal in that area is too poor to be able to answer properly. He's confused to see your icon, you knew he'd be home around this time, why did you call him?

Upon reaching home he is confused to see the lights all off and the door locked so he clicks his voicemail to listen to what you needed in hopes to understand what's going on. "H hey Jack, um, sorry to bother you, you're probably busy it's just that uh.. I'm stuck in a ditch in the woods and you see, I would climb out but my leg is... Well. I can't tell if it's broken or if it's just dislocated but it certainly fucking hurts like a bitch. Um... Help?"

And with that the voicemail ends leaving Jack in a full state of panic.

Oh no. No no no. His precious little mate is lost, stuck and hurt. He hones in his senses, inhaling deeply he picks up on your scent. Immediately he's on your trail, running rapidly through the trees, it only takes him ten minutes to find you when a normal person it would take an hour just to walk to this area.

Jack peers over the edge, spotting your fragile body below and he relaxes a bit, hopping down to where you rest. "Jack!!" You cry out in relief, teary eyed and in pain, all you wanted was for your lover to be here with you.

Jack is quick to crouch over you, inspecting the damage in concern, a deep whine escaping his lips and his pointy ears flick backwards in discontent as he found you not only dislocated your knee but strained the tendon far too much.

He places a hand to your mouth, using his other hand and his knee to keep you still as he pops it back into place. Thankfully his large palm was able to muffle your scream, but the pain is only momentary.

You try to get up but Jack doesn't allow you, lifting you up into his arms, holding you close to his chest with a growl, warning you to stay still as he carries you back home.

Once home Jack is quick to set you on your bed, rushing around you to create a nest of soft objects and his scent before climbing beside you despite him being far too large to properly lay in the bed.

He holds himself above you, body supported by his elbows, claws lightly tracing your skin. Then his lips are on your own, possessive and strong, his rough lips pressed harshly into your own until you have to push him away for oxygen.

"My little mate, poor sweet lover, you need to rest, let me take care of you."

For more scenarios and characters pls simply comment or send me it privately as an ask or message.

To support my content and view the characters design and info chart pls click the link to see my other socials. You can find art and writing most easily ln either insta, Tumblr or Twitter.

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may-moskowitz · 1 year

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Could u maybe write smtg with hawk or demetri with a gf that has constant lower back pain and she feels like she's inconveniencing him with her dr appointments and pt treatments? if not that is ok

Of course love! Lemme know if you want me to write one for Demetri as well, I don't mind at all haha <3

warnings: descriptions of reader having chronic lower back pain!

"o-ow.... h-h-ouch... o-ouch, ow!"

Hawk begrudgingly opened his eyes at the sound of his girlfriend beside him, the hell is she doing? He thought to himself, before he realized the sounds she was making were sounds of pain. He looked over his shoulder to see her sat up and crying.

"Reader, what's the matter?" Hawk was sat up now, scooting closer to come up beside her, "What's going on hun?"

"M-my back, Eli, my back-" she whimpered out,

"ok, it's ok!" hawk wrapped his arm around her, gently massaging the side of her waist as he got up from the bed. "Just hang on a sec love, I'm gonna grab your relaxers."

He jogged out of their room to the bathroom to search for reader's muscle relaxers, sometimes when her back flares up taking one of those helps to ease the pain. Hawk opened the cabinet above the sink, eyes scanning over the shelves until he found them. He took the bottle and slipped it into the side of his waistband, before bending down to look under the sink for her hot water bottle.

Reader arched her back to stretch the muscles while she waited for her boyfriend to return, wincing while doing so. For the past few years reader has been having to go to constant appointments for her chronic back pain, the aching sensation can become so overbearing to the point that she has to get treatments for it at physio clinics. She always feels as if she's burdening hawk by her constantly having to cancel plans because of a treatment, or because she always needs him to drive her to said treatments. Something about him tells her that he gets annoyed by all of it, and she doesn't blame him at all.

Hawk came back into the room with her hot water bottle and a glass of water for her, relaxers still in the side of his boxers.

"Here lovey,” Hawk placed the glass down on the bedside table, kneeling down to help position the water bottle behind her back. “Pull the back of your shirt up a little for me,” he said as he slipped his hands behind her.

"Like that?" He asked making sure it was comfortable, reader responded with a nod and a smile. His hands left the small of her back to reach over to grab the bottle of pills, opening it and knocking one onto his hand. “Here babe,” Hawk opened his hand to her as he passed her the glass of water. The relaxers were annoyingly large, they sometimes get stuck in the back of readers mouth, causing it to hurt as it goes down her throat.

“Take your time dude,” Hawk giggled, his hands were back to rubbing up and down at her sides now. He watched her down the pill, quietly congratulating her for being able to get it down on the first try. A little praise never hurt anyone, as Hawk likes to say.

He helped her lay back down before crawling into bed beside her, pulling the covers up over both of their bodies. Hawk snuggled up close behind reader, gently reaching his arm around to take hold of hers. Reader turned her head to look at him, “I can’t imagine how stressful all of this is on you, I feel like I’m constantly burdening you with all of this bullshit.”

Hawks eyebrows furrowed a bit, “What? No, my god, not at all.” He pulled back some of the hair that was starting to cover her face as he sat up on one arm, “If you’re constantly dealing with physical pain then yeah, of course I feel awful, but in no way are you burdening me hun…”

Reader felt a bit of reassurance in his words, she still felt guilty as if she was constantly dragging him around. “I’m always gonna be here if you’re hurting, and if you feel like it’s somehow… annoying, or bothering me that you constantly need physical attention, I promise it’s not.” Reader smiled up at him as he rubbed at her waist,

“I feel like I sounded super passive aggressive when I said that,” He and reader started giggling,

“But you know what I mean, right? Like, I love you so much. And just because you need a little extra care doesn’t mean that’s ever gonna change. You’re my favourite lil’ attention whore.” Hawk playfully pinched her cheeks before lying back down behind her. He held her nice and close, giving her ear a kiss before they dozed back off to sleep.

➰➿➰➿➰➿➰➿➰➿➰➿➰➿➰➿➰➿

#cobra kai #eli hawk moskowitz #hawk moskowitz #eli moskowitz #hawk cobra kai #eli moskowitz x reader #reader with back pain #fluff #whump!reader #caregiver!Hawk Moskowitz

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linkedkeysau-official · 1 year

Text

"What's My Age Again?" - A LK/HW oneshot

AO3 link

It was late, and Link was still awake, going over battle plans and strategies once more. Things had been calm these past few days, but he, Zelda, and Impa all agreed they should be ready at any moment should things turn sour. He’d thought Mask was asleep. He’d hoped so at least. Still it hardly came as a surprise to hear the little one quietly attempt to get his attention.

“Captain…?” Link turned around. He knew immediately the kid’s question wasn’t going to be as simple as why he was still up this late or something small like that. Clearly written on the smaller hero’s face was a look of worry. Something was really bothering him.

“What’s up, Sprite?” Link pulled himself away from his work to come sit beside the boy at the edge of his cot.

“H-How old am I? Like… How old do you think I am?” He asked awkwardly. This was not the first time Link had seen the kid struggle with this. In truth, nobody knew the kid’s true age. He had the body of a 10-year-old, sure, but his mind was clearly far more mature than that. And yet, neither adults nor kids seemed to understand him.

“I don’t… I don’t really know how to answer that.” Link admitted.

“Just… If you had to guess.” Mask pressed.

“Well, you look about 9 or 10. But I’ve seen you act like you’re 17 or 18. So… Somewhere in the middle? 14 or 15 perhaps? Does that feel right?” Link asked. Mask paused, but shook his head.

“No. It feels just as wrong as every other guess.” he said sadly.

“Well, how old do you feel?” Link asked him.

“I’m… Not sure. That’s why I asked. No number feels right. Sometimes I feel older than I should be. Sometimes I feel younger.” He explained, “Everything made sense before the Master Sword… After that it was like I was a child in the body of an adult. But when I got sent back, it was like being an adult in the body of a child! But do I even know what it feels like to be an adult either? I’ve never really been one, no matter the lie my body told. But… Can I really call myself a kid anymore? So much has happened since I left the forest, and I don’t think I could ever go back to the way things were. I’m not a kid, I’m not an adult, and nothing in between feels right either. So… Just how old am I?!” he wailed. Link wasn’t sure how to respond at first. He had no idea the effect that messing with time so much had on this kid… this person… Well, he did, but not anywhere near the full magnitude of it. The poor guy was having a full-on internal crisis, and Link had no idea how to help. Or did he…?

“Okay. Disregarding how you feel, how do you want people to see you? How do you want to act? Basically, how old do you want to be?” Link asked. Mask hesitated. Link could almost see the thoughts running through his mind. He felt too old, and he certainly didn’t like when people treated him like a helpless, fragile, or immature baby… But did he really want to be considered a grownup? He could handle responsibility, sure. But did he want to constantly carry those burdens the way the Captain did? Or did he want to let go, to let himself mature more before worrying about that again? Did he want to embrace his self-sufficiency and be left to take care of himself all on his own again? Or… Would it be too bad to let someone else help him for once? Mask believed he knew his answer now.

“...10. I want to be 10 again.” He said quietly, “I’m not ready to grow up yet. I want… I want to be a kid again.” The Captain gave him a small smile.

“Alright. 10 years old it is.” His smile turned into a smirk, and Mask got the feeling he wasn’t going to like what happened next, “Buuuut, if that’s the case, then I think it’s past your bedtime.” Before Mask could react, the Captain had scooped him up and wrapped him in his soft blue scarf so the kid couldn’t escape.

“WAIT NO I TAKE IT BACK!!! PUT ME DOWN!!!” He shrieked. Link laughed,

“Nope, too late. Besides, your little body needs the sleep regardless of what age you are mentally.” He set the kid down on his cot. Mask stopped trying to fight back and resigned himself to letting the Captain tuck him in.

Tuck him in… A soft goodnight from a caretaker; Mask never had that before. It was strange, but… comforting. It was nice. Something he wanted to get used to. He knew he shouldn’t. But… would it be that bad to embrace the babying just a little bit?

“Goodnight, Sprite. Sweet dreams.” Link said, gently ruffling the kid’s hair with a smile.

“‘Night, Captain…”

#linked keys #hyrule warriors #lk #loz au #not lu #lk mask #lk warriors #why Mask is portrayed as an actual child in the story!#because he chose to #mod kj

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a-shape-changer-in-winter · 1 year

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The Price of Tenderness [II]

Let me be the wave. And if I cannot be the wave, let me be the rupture at the bottom. Let me be that terrible first rift in the dark.

— Lauren Groff, Fates and Furies

I've been dwelling recently on [what feels to be] both the essence and futility of words in times like these. I'm reaching that season where I want to let my voicemail box fill up until it rejects calls automatically. When I go through these periods of courting silence, I can become so involved* with making a poem or writing an essay that I'm not constantly thinking or worried about how that desire for inner peace or discovery is affecting others**. I'm no longer afraid of revealing myself to myself [shout out to a decade of BCT and working the 4th step ]. That's the goal of recovery —to dig in deep enough to be transformed while writing the poem. Even when sadness feels Sisyphean, it doesn't bother me. And I don't think I'm treating the mountain like a hedonistic treadmill - it's just that the boulder is easier to push when it's your sadness. To bastardize Camus: there is always a point where we are relieved of our burden[s] - and perhaps - we can rise above our fates knowing that the struggle toward such tremendous heights is enough to fill our hearts. It's why trusting a transformation doesn't require much faith the second time. You don't just have the evidence; you are the evidence. Everything before that is just living in the ashes. When I first got clean, I believed recovery was possible [for others], but I didn't think it was possible for me until my desire to use was lifted. Similarly, I hated another cliche in the rooms until I experienced it: "Don't leave until the miracle happens." and goddamnit, they were right! Rilke called this "living our way into the answers" - and it is, hands down, the best thing about getting older.

[ * obsessed, **my therapist calls this a limitation and told me to stop calling it a personal failing because every introspective-introvert struggles with this. ]

I spent most of my twenties trying to fight my sorrow and isolate myself from my suffering, which is also a way of isolating myself from others. Taking off our armor is easy. Allowing someone past the rope while it's off, well, that's something else. But, like Barbara Brown Taylor, deep down, I still believe all of us want to wake to the holy communion of the human condition, which takes place on more altars than anyone can count. But Dostoevsky knew that [active love of paying attention] doesn't just take practice, but labor and fortitude, and for some people [it is] a complete science.

Ellen Bass has this marvelous poem titled "The Long Recovery," where she asks: How can I hurl myself deeper into this life? Which continues to be a, if not the central, question for me. How do we bear it [the weight of the world and all our losses and trauma] and still live fully and without diminished wonder and awe? It's another practice [of course]. First comes the prayer, "I want to experience this life differently." And then comes the decision, followed by the method. I always return to Lucille Clifton's: "I choose joy because I am capable of it [..]" and not just with joy, but tenderness, compassion, and gentleness - or any emotion that's difficult to reach. Contempt, violence, entitlement, and apathy aren't on the bottom shelf like we (like to) imagine. It doesn't take any work to get there. They're accessible by design, perhaps even the display cases at the end of every aisle. Sometimes I must stop and ask myself, "What am I reaching for?" because I can still blur the line between discernment and judgment. It's almost like I need a "screen time report" for what emotions I've been holding in my body at the end of the day. What have I been devoting energy to if my stomach is in knots and my shoulders ache? If arthritis in my hands makes me wince when I brush my teeth, is it my autoimmune disorder acting up, or have I been holding onto a painful memory? But love and [shared] joy - those emotions are expansive. They feel like standing in a field at dusk. Being seen, witnessed, and cared for are balms for the soul and the body. We all need it. And the more we give in return, the bigger our cup gets. That's why people who've lost the most (can) generally come closer to another's sorrow. It's not just about empathy or sympathy but our ability to hold and approach the intolerable. The unendurable happens. People we love and we can't live without are going to die. We're going to die. One day we're going to have to leave everyone and everything behind. It's unendurable and inevitable. All art holds that knowledge. But it's a singularity, like trying to see the other side of a black hole, so we must blindly experience it before learning how to [correctly] approach it.

Practicing joy is often a matter of embracing and celebrating our entanglements - even though attachments can be painful. Meaning [to me] often condenses to giving and receiving care and attention. I can often feel profound joy in solitude. The more I think, learn, practice, study, et cetera, the more I know my solitude is never complete. Because even if I'm alone, I'm bringing everyone I love into my body and being. And that's a lot of people. There's always a gathering inside of us. Simone de Beauvoir wrote: "I'm not thinking about the day when I'll see you again, […] I don't need to see you — I'm not separated from you; I'm still in the same world as you. […] I love you. You haven't left me," And we have to reacquaint ourselves with that gathering —which sometimes I think can be very difficult to do if you're busy or amid other kinds of gatherings. I have a meaningful life when I collaborate with my select few. But I can't always operate in that small circle, so I must work toward collaborative care, recovery, and support, which is always an act of personal and political revolution. And it might just be that meaning is how we care for each other. Cooking for someone is an instance of belonging. And even if my gluten-free brownies are terrible, it doesn't matter because we can make another trip to the grocery store together.

I can do your dishes while you tell me the untold story you've been holding inside yourself. If we allow it, it can feel like the beginning of belonging to one another, and that feeling will incite more understanding and care, by which we will belong to one another more. And I want to articulate, but more importantly, notice how we do this daily. I want to honor it so much that it's blinding, like how I sneeze three times when I walk outside in the bright sunlight. Because the idea of you and me changes when we laugh, cry, and dance together. Every gardener will tell you that a regular practice of the garden is to share. You've got extra zucchini; you share them. You share your tomatoes because three people at the office understand that love language. Every act of care troubles the boundary between you and me. Inciting joy and practicing tenderness are direct results of grief, but more specifically, they result from the heartache we choose to carry together. And there might be a lot of joy there. Our most profound tendency is that if someone needs something, we give it. It's the practice of witnessing in the midst of what is always all so difficult. The trick is turning it into an active alchemy. It is what I hope to make my complete science.

As Mary Jo Bang wrote: "This is the bread: body, soul, exquisite tenderness. We are all we have."

#blog

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supakixbabe · 2 months

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I haven’t slept at all last night.

My mind’s too… out there exploring all the reasons I haven’t or simply cannot find joy in life. Yes, I love wrestling more than anything, but I’m constantly feeling like a burden to the people I meet or already know – it kills the vibe. I’m stuck in this never-ending loop, plus depression, anxiety, my schizophrenia, ADHD, and so many other factors. If I’m yelled at in the day, I won’t sleep at night because I’ll be replaying how I disappointed my mom or continuously question why my step dad hates me. I met amazing people from here, and I love interacting with them, but part of me is like: “You’ll never fit in.” or “You’re probably annoying them” so I never text back or i quit responding. My living condition – I hate it, but I’m not mentally capable of living on my own and no man/woman ever wanted to be in a relationship with me, hence all my failed romantics. I’m often disappointed easily and over things that shouldn’t even matter, but still they bother me. I used to rip wings off of butterflies because I believed they brought bad luck/death. (schizophrenia is one a hell of an illness) people said I was a bad person. I also haven’t been able to truly smile in years - or if I ever really have in all honesty. I cry a lot too. I get overwhelmed and just snap, but not in an angry way, but in a depressed sad way. I feel imposter syndrome whenever my art is recognized/praised because honestly, how could I come up with something like that? But then when it’s not, I’m even more sad. People say I’m too depressing, so I stopped talking about things, instead, they eat at me and leave me sleepless. I’ve taken 6 5mg of melatonin and it never helps me sleep. I’m more quiet. Plus, nobody likes hearing me talk anyway, so I don’t. And because I don’t talk, I fail at communicating my words. I’ve become a failure, I know. Why I keep trying? God only knows. Before I send a text, tweet, or post something; I read it over multiple times so I don’t make any mistakes; I’m scared to be ridiculed for them. I’m apologizing for being myself daily, and then apologizing for being too nice or helpful. I like helping and making people smile. I feel less worthless, but I am still that. People often say I say and do this for attention, but why would I do that when I hate the spotlight? I stay to myself 99% of the time.

I hope someone will one day be happy to be around me, hang out with me, and talk to me. But they don’t need to when they have better people.

God, What is wrong with me? 🥺💔

#i just needed to vent #personal

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valadren · 11 months

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I didn’t really make friends growing up.

Ever since I can remember early on I was seen as the weird kid, the outcast, but, critically, my teachers really liked me. It was pretty easy in my head to do that, classrooms usually had basic rules told to us as kids, and they were things like raise your hand to speak, sit properly, share, stuff like that. I learned pretty quickly that most teachers like you if you talk to them about the things you were learning in class. I always imagine myself wearing that cloak from Zatch Bell when I think about my grade school me, which is funny because the only other memory I have about clothes from my childhood was how horrible most of them felt on my body.

I don’t think my parents really noticed how lonely I felt at school, how much I dreaded going because my teachers all pretty much only had nice things to say until the homework burden got higher, later into grade school and into middle school. See, I was a precocious reader, and I picked up basic mathematics really easily, so part of my early school years was going to gifted programs. I remember having a really stern math teacher who was also extremely funny and cool one-on-one, my favorite kind of teacher tbh. But once my school work got more complicated, I found myself struggling to pay attention, I had focus issues, if you can imagine, and this was during the time that video games became sort of the de facto hobby in me and my older sibling’s life. We used to play with our myriad action figures as kids, my sibling grew out of them, the only way I could hang out with them was by playing video games, but I never dropped the action figure habit to this day. Almost every game I play I have action figure representatives for my party members, weapons built out of knex, so I could reimagine, or redirect the scenes, I like feeling the action in my hands, moving each limb meticulously to approximate these things. If I knew how to animate I would probably end up liking it.

Focus issues. My parents were struggling with this, both their children seemed to not have many friends and usually sit inside playing video games. Both of them were slipping in their grades, so our usual punishment when we’d get bad progress reports was to get our games (and my action figures) confiscated. I remember sneaking into their room on one of the days we were home alone (it was a different time back then), sneaking out one male and one female action figure to hide in my desk. I needed to have something to do with my hands that wasn’t breaking pencils or chewing on them, or chewing on my hair when I got to have it long enough. I can still remember the feeling of each of these things like I’ve been doing them all my life.

Another thing that maybe hid my isolation was that as a family we were always moving. I spent my summer and winter breaks living with my grandmother in Illinois, while my mom moved from Missouri to Texas and then from Texas to New Jersey. I didn’t have consistent friends or even a consistent school until we got to Jersey. I was maybe 10 or so. Even then, I had very loose connections with friends. I wanted to have birthday parties but by then I had grown conscious of how much people avoided me, I had people who would call me the devil, who hated me because they hated my older sibling, who generally found me weird and avoided me, so asking people to come to my party, to the place where my parents would be stressing out constantly about how messy my room always is, how disrespectful it would be to have company over, it felt like a losing prospect. I didn’t want to bother people who didn’t want to come to a place that would incidentally house a couple of very stressed out adults.

Somewhere in this time period I was moved into this mid-school program, I want to say by middle school vaguely, but I genuinely can’t remember when this happened. It was a weird program too, it was two teachers, one of whom was the fun one, the other I only vaguely remember having dark hair and glasses and being… nice? I think she was the one who asked me if I wanted to help out here and keep these kids company, but it was asked after I was moved into here anyway. Mostly we would play chess or checkers or YuGiOh or connect four (I’m very good at connect four but that’s mostly because it’s easy). Every kid there was one of the weird ones in school, and I was trying to not be that. I was trying to get in with some cool kids who very explicitly hated having me around. I got to know the kids in this weird program pretty well. One was a chess prodigy, or at least he seemed that way to me. My parents suggested that this could have been another gifted program, or that I was assisting the school with this, but I know what a gifted program looks like, I’d been in them all through grade and middle school and they never had two teachers for one classroom. And being a teacher’s assistant, I looked it up for that school, requires parental signatures to opt me in and neither of my parents recall doing this at all.

But this was what things were like for me back then. I was a teacher’s pet until I couldn’t keep up with the school work, I had maybe one or two friends I was close with, almost none of them are in my life anymore, and most interestingly, I grew to have a lot of weird habits. For the longest time I didn’t have opinions on art, at least not until the person I was talking to expressed theirs, which I would then adopt, to make talking with them easier and more pleasant. I never really told many people about my interests, what music I liked, what games I play, that I was huge into anime like Sailor Moon and Yu Yu Hakusho, I kind of figured that I didn’t have the same taste as everyone else, because if I did I’d have more friends. It didn’t help that my perception of my own taste varied wildly. I believed I had so much better taste in music and film than my peers because my parents wanted me to appreciate good art. The first two albums I ever remember listening to as a kid were the White Album by the Beatles (which as a fun aside I used to listen to one song on it on loop to go to sleep to until my stepdad literally begged me to stop), and the Cabaret OST. I was maybe 6 or 7 or so. I think. I was shown the Matrix when I was really young too, Spirited Away, Moulin Rouge, Lord of the Rings, but everything that I had gotten into because my sibling was, or because I saw it on cable TV at my grandmother’s, or a friend got me into, I never had any confidence that those were good at all. I had two grown up adult people telling me constantly what was good and bad art, and they were usually pretty dismissive of video games in general and most anime, down to my stepdad getting genuinely shocked that we watched something as fucked up as Yu Yu Hakusho, what with all the blood and vagina plants (he watched the Karasu fight with us whoops).

I had these pseudo classes in school too. Things like “how to look like you’re paying attention” or people lecturing on what body language makes you seem rude, and it was constantly pitted against these conflicts with my peers where they found me obnoxious for reasons that were never made clear to me, and the increasing number of times I’d do something in public with my family and have them pull me aside and yell at me for being thoughtless or selfish or rude. I have a cumulative weight of experiences where I have been told that whatever it is that I’ve wanted to do, or things that I’ve said, or done, have been actually pretty mean to people. That I need to be aware of my actions. Actions speak louder than words. If I really wanted to be a good student I would be. If I really wanted to have a tidy room, I’d do it. If I really was passionate about music or writing or acting or directing I would work tirelessly to improve, but I’m always playing video games with my action figures and it’s a shame because I’m very bright, I could be a scholar, I could be a lawyer, I could have been an actor. I’m getting ahead of myself.

I got better at this stuff. A lot better in high school because my theatre program (which was run by my mother it was very weird) helped me develop my performing chops. I got funnier and figured out that being self effacing was effective, it let me off the hook from a lot of social scrutiny, I still do it all the time in public even though I have heard endless discourse about how it’s bad to do this because it only affirms depressive thought patterns or makes you a bad role model or whatever. Looking back on it high school really was the moment that I could see the brain mechanics in play. I had, though I never called them that or considered them that, scripts. I had game plans on how to talk to people I don’t know, that changed if they were people in authority or not (this had a horrible side effect of me being really deferential to the cops that patrolled our school), and more importantly I had been getting better at tailoring myself to friends. I had ways of talking to each individual person, almost subconsciously if not for the fact that I was hyper aware that this made me into a horrible gossip because some of my classmates were gossips. I was a vector for shit talking, and it led to a constant fear of conflict between friends, because I didn’t want to be both party’s confidant.

By undergrad my performative stuff had gotten into full swing. I was a man (at the time) who was sensitive, self degrading, funny, and I wanted to be open about it all. I wanted to be an advocate for sensitive masculinity, I wanted to be up front about my mental health, which had been doing worse and worse with every passing year. I bragged about going to therapy, I was painfully open about everything and it ended up hurting friends I cared about a lot. In retrospect I was a huge dick about it all, and I think that’s the point where I mostly tried to shut the fuck up about most things. I thought I had figured things out but I was still hurting people and I didn’t want to and I lacked the awareness to not do the obviously bad thing. And it didn’t stop there. Post graduation I fell into a group of friends that I got really, really attached to, attached enough that our friendship culminated in a plan to move out of our respective family’s houses and make it on our own. That ended with the friend group excising me like a tumor, and I’m mostly out of contact entirely with almost all of them.

I’m about to finish law school if I can stop writing this and finish my final paper. It took me until near the end of my coursework to realize I put myself through this out of an act of penance for the people I have let down. It felt like the responsible choice to make myself use my talents to make the world a better place, especially if the only cost was my own joy and passion. Things that had, at the time, not amounted to anything but jilted friends, a professor telling me she’d never recommend me as an actor to anyone, a couple of really rough albums that I can’t listen to anymore, and what felt like endless confusion. I could not, and still can’t understand what is so wrong with me, that my interests and wants and needs are always seemingly horrible and selfish and thoughtless while people imposing their needs on me are things that I always have to accommodate. If I were a more arrogant bitch, I’d almost proclaim that I seemingly have the superpower of being the only person on earth who can endlessly forgive people.

I meander a lot when I talk about my brain, about potentially having autism, because I don’t want to be thoughtless about this, and because trying to list out my experiences that led to this feels like it cheapens everything. I have texture issues, I can only sleep under my comforter and no bed sheets, I can’t comfortably wear pants, pajama or otherwise, to bed, there’s a bunch of clothes I have that fit me but have bad texture so I never wear them, but that doesn’t mean anything definitely. None of this does, I am a depressed and anxious person, according to every therapist I’ve ever had, and those things can lead to overthinking, and it could all just be that, it could just be ADHD, it could be that I truly am lazy, and the act of actually self-diagnosing requires a real sense of trust in yourself and that is the one thing that was beaten out of me growing up. How can I trust myself when my actions have been speaking for me against my will all my life? How do I feel like I have real agency in my life when I am playing Russian roulette with every social encounter I have? How do I know if I’m autistic or if I’m just actually a bad person? And this problem can start a wildfire in my head too, like, okay, I know how the script goes here, you’re supposed to say that I’m valid and that my lived experiences should be honored and there’s no shame in figuring things out and self diagnosing but none of that feels real. None of that is what’s said when I’m hurt and the response is that I should be more thoughtful of the other side, or that I should be able to get over this, or that I don’t have to feel guilty about the things I did to people because someone was lying about me during the entire situation. It is one thing to say that my experiences should be valid, but I don’t think I have ever felt comfortable in validity, especially in validity that’s so easily retracted.

Today is apparently autism pride day. I have never been one for genuine celebrations of pride because I don’t feel proud of most things that aren’t some of my video essays. I wanted to share my thoughts on my identifying with autism as something that helps me understand my head a little better, that answers these questions that otherwise would lead to the conclusion that I’m just a bad person in some immutable way. It’s hard to take pride in myself for things that I am, rather than the things that I do, but maybe just trying to get my thoughts on the page can be a start.

#autism #mao mao #this is how I used to post on tumblr #this is so exhausting I’m sorry #cw for uh… family stuff? school bullying?#autism pride

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guideoftime · 3 months

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▴ — @nihlkahn ;; Sheik & Kasus.

This would be difficult, he knew. Sheik's words had hurt, sure, but Kasus hadn't even had the chance to explain what happened. Everything had been too fast, he couldn't let that monster out. It would have not only been able to outrun him but also destroy or actually kill people in the village. He couldn't let that happen. The words that had truly hurt, were those last three— ‘don't touch me’.

Kasus looked better after having been cleaned up, patched up, a meal in him. Still felt close to rejecting this body, but he was healing even if the length of time taken would be a bit extended. It wasn't a great time to be looking for a different host, given the situation.

Sheik ‘hiding’ in the library, it was at least easy to get to. He needed easy right now, Kasus still knocked on the door lightly to try to not startle him. Give him an indication that he wasn't Amaron coming back in, just himself. After the knock, the deity entered regardless of what Sheik said if he said anything.

“ We need to talk about what happened with Bongo Bongo. You made a lot of assumptions, I think they have to be cleared up tonight. “

Amaron had already calmed him down, cleared up a few of the things he had assumed and Sheik already realized a good part of the mistakes that he made. The things he had raised his voice at Kasus downstairs, made far too complicated and took out at him. Sheik can admit his wrongs, even if he might not like it. He made a mistake but not all of what he had said was unfair down there.

Not all of what he felt was unfair.

“What is important, is that the mistakes aren’t left to fester and dig. To become gaping holes that threaten to consume us.” Sheik quotes back to him, the words he had repeated a while ago, when he told him what a soulbond meant to his people. Something that bothered Kasus so Sheik tries now, really, to just not draw attention to it. To not talk about that or anything else around it that might bother him more. But he had told the truth.

He always does.

Sheik gave a soft sigh and closed the book he was reading on his desk, resting his hand over it as he raised his gaze up toward Kasus, watching him. “Amaron told me that you didn’t drag him in there.” Is the instant clarification that he gives, because Sheik knows it is the truth. Amaron had told him. “And I know–you didn’t break the seal on the well. That… that was my fault, again.”

A tense breath, the working of his jaw. Just another example of how he isn’t his mother. She’s always stronger than her, better than him. She could seal and keep Bongo Bongo down there for years, Sheik barely made it a month. Already having broken himself down despite the amount of green elixirs he was taking constantly and all he got for it was forgetting to keep a strong enough hold on Bongo Bongo and the seal snapped. He should have known it was going to happen, he should have gone there himself and taken care of it.

But he didn’t. And Kasus had to again clean up a problem he made.

He shouldn’t have to do that all the time. Kasus wasn’t here to fix all of Sheik’s mistakes. And yet, that feels like it’s all he’s done since Sheik told him he could stay. Because it had been his choice, it had been left up to him since Sheik was the one who hadn’t had a connection to him. Not in the way his husband did. So Amaron said the choice was his and he had let Kasus stay, because he knew Amaron needed him. Yet, all it feels like Kasus has done is fix what Sheik breaks including Amaron.

He doesn’t like the feeling. It makes him feel like a burden and he doesn’t want to be that. Sheik tries so hard to keep everything together. To handle all the problems that people give him, trying to balance everything at once and no matter how he cracks under the weight of it–he tries to handle it and do what he can. Sheik wants to help, he wants to be what his mother wants him to be.

And now he can see all of his mistakes because Kasus is trying to fix them.

Does he do anything right?

“However,” he takes a tense breath and tries to push his own feelings down, to focus on the situation rather than himself. “That doesn’t make it okay that you went in there alone, Kasus. I had asked you not to and I know, I really do get it, that you were trying to help and protect Amaron and Kakariko Village. But what if something happened? You did get hurt, it’s not unreasonable to think–that something could happen to you. That you could die.” Sheik doesn’t know what his limits are, but Amaron was afraid and that–that’s enough for Sheik to know it could have gone so wrong.

A breath is taken, deep and stuttering. He shakes his head as he clenches his hands overtop of his desk. Trying to calm himself despite the chaotic turning of emotions inside of him. His eyes close, he counts in his head to five and then opens his gaze back up. As his hands unclenched he curled his fingers over top of the book and gripped it instead.

“I don’t want to be alone again.”

The admission is soft, painful to let out, Sheik barely heard his own voice but he knows Kasus would have picked it up. And it was true. So much of his life had been spent alone, suffering and waiting for someone to help him. Which isn’t a good feeling either, waiting around to be saved because he’s incapable of helping himself. Sheik is tired of waiting around to be saved as much as he is terrified of being alone. He finally had Amaron, he had Kasus now, and the warmth he gets from them–the understanding he doesn’t have to be alone anymore, he selfishly wants to cling into that as hard as he can.

“I’m so scared to lose both of you.”

It doesn’t seem right to put that pressure on them, but he can’t stop the feeling. To follow a trail of blood to their house–it had been so terrifying. And then to see Amaron on the couch, Kasus bleeding terribly, the chaotic mess that their house was. Fear had gripped his heart in such a horrible way and that is what caused him to snap at Kasus. It doesn't make it right, he should have handled it better, asked questions.

But they know how he works now. Kasus has seen him run in terror at seeing Amaron without an arm. Did he think he would handle this any better? He should be glad Sheik didn’t run from the house again or work himself to death. He just shut himself in the library. It’s not much of an improvement, but he thinks it is one.

He is so tired of things looking alright and then having more shit thrown at them.

Is it selfish to want happiness?

“I–” he swallows around a lump in his throat. “I shouldn’t use the bond to punish you. It’s not a weapon, and it’s not fair.” Sheik is very much aware of it, and though it hadn’t been his intention to punish Kasus, he knows it probably felt like it. “The only reason it’s still closed is because you’re hurt and I–” am not emotionally okay, “am trying to not overwhelm you.” A steady blink and he finally picked his head up to meet the deity’s eyes.

“I am sorry for what I said, I am not sorry for what I felt. You should go relax. We’re alright.”

#▴ — path / guide of time #▴ — the eye of truth / asks.#lunarisdeus

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mysteriawrites · 11 months

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Helloooo, I’d like to request a demon slayer and BNHA matchup please (if it to much you can just do one). If you don’t want to you can just ignore this.

I really suck at writing about myself so sorry if this sucks. I am very introverted and have both anxiety and depression. I try not to bother people with my problems by bottling them up along with my emotions (king behaviour). I try to stay happy and positive for my friends and will support them with anything. My love language is words of affirmation and acts of service. I am the eldest sister so I know how to take the lead even if I don’t want to. I love writing creatively and psychology, I actually want to be a therapist when I’m older. My family says I’m “a sloth with a side of T-Rex”. I like to play video games in my down time and use daydreaming as a sort of coping mechanism. I’d like to think I’m pretty but I’ve only ever been complemented on my eyes, dimples, and thick long eyelashes. I take pride in helping people. I HATE loud sounds, yelling, and overly agressive people, im okay with teasing (that’s what I do with friends) but there is a line you should not cross. Apparently im smart? According to my friends at least.

Thank you so much and hope your having a great day!! 💙💙💙

Hello, thank you for your request. I'm willing to do two matchups for you but I'd prefer if you sent another ask for the second one so that this post won't be super long. This one will be your BHNA matchup so without further ado DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

MIRIO TOGATA!!!

(Sorry for the highlighter yellow color it just suits him imo)

Now I know you two may seem like polar opposite but hear me out I think you two would make a great couple.

I actually think you and Mirio are really similar: you both like helping people, your supportive natures lift people up, and you do whatever it takes to help those around you. Although he is a lot louder and outgoing than you are, you bond over your shared aspiration to save people, you in your therapist office and him on the city streets.

Due to his whole life of hero training (and being friends with Tamaki) Mirio was able to pick up early on the mask you wear around others to keep them from worrying about you. As much as he wants to just wrap you in his arms and tell you everything is ok and he'll help you carry your burdens, he wants to give you the time to tell you your feelings when you're ready to talk about it and not force you.

However, he does have subtle ways of letting you know he's there for you. Regularly complimenting you to help you have a more positive view of yourself, keep his voice quieter because he noticed how loud sounds bother you without you even telling him, making sure you get out of the house regularly and have some fun, so you don't get consumed by your at home responsibilities, talking for you in public to ease any social anxiety, and much more.

After getting close to you though he does come out and directly tells you that no matter how bad your depression may get or how heavily your life may weigh upon you he will always be there for you whether it's helping you out of a situation or just simply giving you a hug when you need one.

Speaking of hugs Mirio REEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYY loves to hug you. He knows you don't like attention on you so he won't hug you as much or as long in public, but in private oh boy this man will not let you go. He essentially becomes a big cuddly ol golden retriever who just wants to smother you in love.

Mirio may love people, but he definitely savors at home dates with you either play video games (more like losing to you constantly), watching a movie, or making dinner. Life as a hero is so hectic, he's glad he can just spend some intimate one on one quiet time at home with you where no one can bother him.

As much as a big ball of sunshine he is, Mirio has his dark moments. When he lost his powers, he question his self-worth and purpose, he thought he wouldn't be able to help people as well anymore and it put him in a dark place. You were what was able to get him back on his feet after the incident. With your kind words and emotionally support Mirio was able to get out of his slump and get back out there. Because you reminded him that even without his powers, he is still a hero.

You and Mirio have a bit of a cat and dog relationship, but you balance each other out while loving and supporting each other. You'll pursue your dreams together side by side and make the world a better place. Also, because Mirio has such a way with kids I see him as a family man so be ready to have lots of kids.

Sorry, this took so long I was contemplating how I was gonna do your requests before I ultimately decided to do them separately, I also wasn't sure if you cared about what gender your match was, so I hope you like it. (p.s also I think we may be twins I read your ask and had an identity crisis and was like "wait this is literally me-" lol I'm even an older sister too...I think we both need therapy)

Runners Up: Midorya Izuku, Iida Tenya, Todoroki Shoto, Jiro Kyoka, Yaoyarozu Momo

#multi fandom blog #multifandom #multifandom account #multi fandoms posts #multifandom fanfiction #multifandom writer #matchups #mirio togata #mirio x reader #mha

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drivemysoul · 7 months

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How did you know to break up with your boyfriend? I’m wondering if my boyfriend and I should break up and nothing is helping.

first of all, i’m giving you the biggest, warmest hug.

second of all, in my last relationship (which is what i assume you’re asking about), i’d felt just really down since march, but i had some personal issues happening then too so i assumed it was just that. then i started feeling better in every other part of my life except my relationship, and it was like that for months.

i felt like i was being ignored and dismissed a lot, and then i started wondering if it was even worth it to bother my boyfriend when i was super excited about something because i didn’t want to be annoying. i was basically cutting down parts of myself to keep myself tolerable and manageable, and it was just making me feel so so unwanted and so tired.

i kept putting in the effort, constantly taking another step to meet in the middle and i felt like my boyfriend just kept pulling back and making me be the one to step closer again and again. i was very publicly begging for attention and affection and not getting it, publicly or privately, and i just felt like i was a burden or that i was something to hide away and be ashamed of.

honestly for me i realised we had to break up because i stopped talking about it. i wear my heart on my sleeve in relationships (something i’m now actively trying to stop doing, i know i still need to work on it) but i found that i was just… sitting out of conversations where i would have jumped in to gush about my boyfriend or i was listening to love songs and felt really bitter, so. that was when i knew.

and even still i tried to fix it for months but my boyfriend then called me a stranger and a waste of time and said it hated me, so. it instantly confirmed all those absolutely earth-shattering fears that i’d been working on rationalising since march, and i kinda knew then that there was no coming back from that even if i kept putting in the work. so now i’m single and at this point i probably will be for the rest of my life, so i’m working on accepting that now.

#anonymous #thrown out speeches*

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jamboarbs · 9 months

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I realized the other day that lately I've stopped making my little journal posts on here. At first I think I tried to convince myself it was just life getting to me and not having the time to stop and process my feelings. I realized now that it was mainly me running away from my feelings, even though no one but me reads these I felt irrationally worried in disappointing someone by posting about slipping back into my depression. It was just hard to admit that I slid back down the proverbial slope after the first major progress I'd had in my adult life. I started questioning all my recent choices and things got really vile. I managed to not let it get as bad as it was before, but a lot of awful thoughts still run around my head. I just wish I could completely scrub out the inside of my dome at times. I mean I guess I wouldn't really be me anymore, but maybe if I was wiped completely clean like total amnesia I might be able to treat myself properly. I haven't regressed back to the constant self hate or anything, but the fact the suicidal thoughts have cropped back up makes me uneasy. It's just so easy to think about when things go wrong, like I'm keeping it on backup. I don't want to be like this all time, some coward with cyanide pill locked and loaded for a bad day. I want to be able to express myself, and figure out my gender identity. The one that hurts most though is my self image. I can finally look at my own face without disassociating, but my weight seemingly will never stop bothering me. I hate how you can completely break down and understand you own failures of internal logic, but no matter how much I appreciate, am attracted to, or get gender feelings from other fat people I can never seem to apply even a shred of that to myself. It's fundamentally corrupted somewhere and I can't seem to fish it out, I keep telling myself to try and reach on here for help, but I'm too afraid of rejection. I'm constantly paralyzed in fear that if I start to try and express my feminine side or do anything to stray from my normal default shlubby guy looks that ill just be branded as a desperate neckbeard. I thought I could do this only a little over a month ago, but now I feel so vulnerable. My brain is screaming for attention, affection, and affirmation from someone. While all I want is to be able to give that to myself. I'm already 25 and I haven't had a single healthy relationship, so I don't want to rely on someone who could just up and leave me like everyone else has. I don't even know if I want to continue to try and salvage the friendships I have right now. The only people I have left in my life are a friend I'm almost certain is already on track for ditching me because of how high maintenance I am, a coworker friend I never get to see, and my boss who I have to maintain a set distance from to not interfere with work. Right now I'm writing this when I need to be showering for work tomorrow. I'm so tired. My heart feels so heavy. Why can't I stop feeling like a burden

Forget what I said before, can someone just fall into my life like some shlocky romance, if I don't get an outlet for my love soon it might just kill me

Help

#please

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yuri-manga-archivist · 10 months

Text

Imma be too real with all of you for a change. So I was diagnosed with ADHD as a young kid and at the time there was ADHD and ADD. I still prefer the ADD label myself even though it's no longer in use but I won't get too much into that. Now a days everyone I know is saying I'm autistic and it's really messing me up. When I was growing up ADHD was like "oh you just have a hard time paying attention and need more help" but if you were autistic people gave up hope on you and you were bullied a lot more than if you had ADHD. I guess I internalized this at a young age and I feel a mix of anger, fear, and hopeless when someone says I'm probably autistic. I try and wrap my mind and say no I'm just ADHD because for some made up internalized reason I'm scared of being autistic and I'm sorry to autistic people i know there is nothing to fear really but it's just ingrained in me that autism must be bad so I have to try my hardest to reject it. I haven't been diagnosed with autism but all signs point to yes. Adhd + Trans + bad socially + all my autistic friends saying the weird things I do are really signs of autism and I could have both ADHD and autism. I don't know if I should classify myself as autistic though because I know the feeling of people saying things like "Omg I'm so ADHD". so self diagnosing just such gives me such a deep reaction of hate. Those people that were like "Oh I'm so adhd for forgetting this thing" will never know the pain of forgetting/deciding not to eat because of your adhd. Either you got too invested in what you were doing and knew you had to finish because if you stoped you wouldn't be able to start again or the feeling of hungry just stopped bothering you eventually and now you can forget to eat for a whole day. I'm still just struggling and I really don't want another diagnosis or another mental thing to keep me down. I also feel like I would just be casting all my problems onto another mental thing and be saying "oh well it's not my fault I'm autistic". I don't know my adhd makes me feel hopeless and I hate the person I am when i take medicine for it. I lose weight from not being able to eat, I don't joke around, and people can tell a difference and it scares me. But I also feel useless and like I am a burden for not accomplishing more with my life. I don't wanna be autistic because I'm afraid so I can't admit it if I am. I am scared Tumblr friends.

I have only ever really been over stimulated once that I can remember. I often times have to be constantly stimulated or I'll go insane.

I am good at making friends but I "camouflage" and steal others mannerisms in conversation. But I'm bad at keeping friends because I can never remember to make plans with people even if I do want to hang out.

Also I don't really have any bad textures other than the bad fleece that's all bunched up by cotten and it gets caught on your fingernails and toe nails. I have a lot of like textures I'm very obsessed with and love to swim in. Like soft cotton new sweater or hoodie.

It's just that ADHD and autism over lap too much and I have ADHD for sure but I just can't tell if I'm both.

#long reads #autism #adhd stuff #im scarred

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