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ritchieblackless · 4 years

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[Ranking Of Cozy music eras]

Well, as many of you know, Cozy did A LOT of things with many musicians and playing different styles. He appeared on at least 66 albums and counting another session work, some hidden works (Like Supertision and Ballroom Blitz) in total is nearly 90 things that he did! (that's why it took me so long, I had to listen to all again) but always one era will be better than other so... at the request of @thespiritofvexation (and I wanted to because is a excellent idea) here are the ranking of Cozy music eras.

Note: I'll try to be objective about this but also you'll get my opinion.

9. Whitesnake.

(As you can notice, Cozy's solo album is there. I put it because is in same era. I did this with all Cozy's solo albums 'cause the poor boy didn't have the time to make a proper solo career... he didn't like that very much anyway.)

Well first thing I'll highlight about this work... is the fact that his drumming is plain, so plain... for being Cozy Powell. You know, Blues rhythm, one bass drum and tomb with a little bit of cymbal... plain. But it's alright because the album needed that type of drumming (Not pun intended of course) I'm just saying that his drumming is so plain because the songs (Blues/Hard Rock) needed that, otherwise, it would have sounded a bit Rainbow-ish. Remember that Cozy was so versatile. He had a strong style but if the song needed the opposite of his style, he was going to do it.

Whitesnake era for me is not his best but LIVE. He on stage was another story. He was amazing.

Songs with Cozy's signature: Hungry For Love.

A side from Whitesnake we have his solo album which is one of his best works. Octopuss was a successful album. We have his mix between classical music and his drumming which is mind blowing. Hard Rock tracks like The Rattler, Formula One (Good one, Cozy) and Princetown and one ballad (Because he liked... a true sweetheart.) Dartmoore.

8. Michael Schenker Group.

His work here is what I like to call "Angry Drumming"

He didn't get along with Michael Schenker so they were fighting everytime. So all he did in this only album with MSG he did it angry... that's why is so good. He was "in mourning" trying to get over Rainbow so he had no better idea that making his drumming sound Rainbow-ish (I can relate) taking advantage of the situation that MSG was a heavy rock band. Not Rainbow, but still. There are a lot of Cozy's fills and Cozy's arrangements on the songs too more than Whitesnake.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Attack Of The Mad Axeman, But I Want More and Feeling Like A Good Thing (Live).

Now, a side from MSG we have his second solo album. Tilt have jazz-fusion songs like Cat Moves. A rock tracks too like The Blister and Hot Rock. And with some funky thing like The Right Side with another ballad (Because he is a sweetheart) Sunset. Tilt was an anti-commercial album with a nice success. Also, the album have two “Dark” songs which are Living In A Lie and Jekyll Hyde (Inspired of course in Mr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde... Cozy’s favourite book... such a nerdy.)

7. Brian May Band.

We know how important Cozy was for Brian May’s solo career and Brian himself... (But I’ll not going to talk about this now, because I’m focused only on his drumming.)

Basically Brian told him “Be yourself, I don’t need a type of drumming” So that is what you listen when you listen those three albums... a free, happy Cozy. So powerful as always and creative. Of course Cozy had to be powerful because he was trying to cheer Brian up (He is so sweet). Believe me when I say that this is his best work in his last days! Its amazing the heavy-hand that he still had. For moments you think that you are listening Rainbow by the power of his drumming and the songs are completely stunning.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Cyborg, The Guv’nor, Resurrection, Rollin’ Over.

Now, his solo album. The Drums Are Back was not a successful album with bad reviews saying that Cozy was recycling himself. I personally don’t think Cozy was recycling himself, I just think that he had his own way to do songs and make albums.In spite the bad critics and no success, the album was top ten in Japan.. HA! The Drums Are Back have really groovy songs like The Drums Are Back, Legend Of The Glass Mountain (He really never got over Rainbow..). Rock songs like The Rocket and Ride To Win. And three ballads (Because he is a sweet-... well you get it) Battle Hymn, Cryin’ and Somewhere In Time.

6. Peter Green Splinter Group.

This album is a proof of Cozy’s versatility and still young drumming.

He and Peter Green got along really well so their chemistry was reflected in the music and live performances (Unfortunately a very few with Cozy) Yeah, the whole album is basically blues, okay? But the thing is that Cozy, no matter how slow the blues was, he would let you know that was him playing the drums.And I need to say that: HE PLAYED BLACK MAGIC WOMAN WONDERFULLY... (just that, back to the point).

Peter didn't tell him how to play drums in Fleetwooc Mac’s songs, Cozy just did it and he did it fantastic. Also, his drumming sounded so young, so strong and with presence. Its mind blowing really because you don’t expect Cozy at the age of 50 playing strongly but he actually did. He did his drum roll thing with just one bass drum, he was still so noisy as always (I’m so sorry just this era puts me soft)

Songs with Cozy’s signature:Homework, Going Down.

And his solo-... oh... right... *Runs to bathroom to cry*

5. 80s Work.

Well, time to time (For not saying always) Cozy liked to participate in his friends’s albums when he had a little free time with the band that he was in at the time. I did this 80s work section here because I cant believe that amount of things that he did while he was playing in other bands (I mean, u r for real?)...I put the most popular ones but out there are a lot of unknown Cozy works in the 80s with several bands. I just felt that his 80s works deserved a position in the ranking. This is another proof of his versatility but, with a little of his style of course.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Tender Babes by Jon Lord, Night Games by Graham Bonnet, Slow Dancer by Rober Plant, Believe by Tom Galley (Phenomena) Shakey Ground by Bernie Marsden, Running from The Storm by Gary Moore and well.. ETC (and many many etcs)

4. Black Sabbath

This is when Cozy turns his “Beast Mode” on.

I don’t know why, maybe because he knew what Black Sabbath was (Tony: Join my emo band.... Cozy: okay) and what it needed..? because that is his normal drumming..? (I'm sure that is his normal drumming.) But he literally blows your mind in every- fucking *wheezes* song. The three Black Sabbath albums are filled with unexpected Cozy's fills (No matter how many times you've listened to those albums, he is unexpected.) His beat is very heavy and very exact too. He was a fan of Bill Ward so I'll be not surprised if he tried to get that heaviness! (I mean, Cozy has his own heaviness but what I'm saying is that maybe Cozy wanted to make a proper Black Sabbath sound)

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Headless Cross, The Call Of The Wild. Basically all TYR and talk about Forbidden is forbidden... (I’m joking. Is a good album too)

3.Jeff Beck/ RAK

Well, for start I put them together because when Jeff Beck Group disbanded, the following year he signed a contract with Micky Most and RAK. So, he was a secessionist, a well-known secessionist. He was in the circle for someone who needed a powerful-jazzy style. It’s like the 80s works really (omg Cozy get a grip). He was a really demanded drummer, everyone wanted him and he eventually worked with everyone. He had a very well-known beat by that time, you easily can tell was Cozy but he also had to be more open to the different styles that he was asked to play (Basically he can’t play like him all the time). He also had some discredited stuff, like Ballroom Blitz by The Sweet (It’s so obvious) and Superstition by Steve Wonder (I know, I know that it says Stevie played everything BUT NOT IN THIS CASE DON’T BELIEVE HIM. What you hear in the song is Cozy playing.) and more like some Suzi Quatro’s songs.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Ballroom Blitz, Superstition, Cosmic Wheels, Band Of The Salvation Army Band by Tony Ashton and Jon Lord.

Now his solo stuff: Here comes his baby, his household, his precious treasure, his (okay you get it) Dance With The Devil single. It’s a friendly instrumental which they did for a laugh but it became seriously successful... (Yes, they didn’t mean to do it but they did) Micky Most ask to Cozy if he wanted to be a single and Cozy said yes thinking that it was not going to be a big deal but *BUM* 1 Million of copies sold (Literally Cozy stayed at home two days laying looking at the ceiling because he can’t believe it) Of course they did the Dance with the devil part 2 which is Man In Black but it didn't work as well as the first one.They did Cozy Powell’s Hammer but it was kinda a fail too although the band had several tour dates.

This is when Cozy met his lost brother (okay no) This is when Cozy tried his best to play good jazz but instead came up this.. jazz fusion-rock-weird thing. So the thing here was: Jeff didn't know how to explain Cozy what the wanted him to play and Cozy was getting mad about it (Jeff: You can do ta.. tatada tss, ts ts ta da ta... Cozy: Honestly Jeff wtf?) so he did what he thought was better for the record and Ta-Da! Rough And Ready was born. Cozy’s drumming is a bit lighter and he uses a lot the cymbals for a swing-jazz rhythm.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Going Down, Ice Cream Cakes, Situation, Short Business.

2. Rainbow.

(Omg Martina are you fcking crazy????) Yes I didn’t put Rainbow in the first place...A new hope for Cozy (This sounds like Star Wars movie or something)

Okay, this is one of his best eras because he was all recovered of his disappointment in music business in 1975. He literally gave up with music (poor babe) until Ritchie called him (Ritchie: Join my emo band... Cozy: okay) . He was ready and decided to show that he wasn't a poor drummer... and he did.He played all his tricks, he was so unpredictable and powerful. He actually was lead drummer (I’m not sure if that exists) He didn't played with the bass like a normal rhythm section, he played with Ritchie. Cozy live with Rainbow was so unbelievable, like the unexpected fill in Catch The Rainbow, Man On The Silver Mountain... To be honest, the first Rainbow album sounds so plain without Cozy, it’s like.. something is missing (Basically Cozy changed the band). His beat is so heavy, strong and incredible.Also his 1812 Overture which is just mind blowing. He was a happy Cozy in Rainbow, that’s why he played so brilliantly (and he was Ritchie’s goal friend... what is better than that?) Cozy did an amazing job in Rainbow... (No words...)

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Stargazer, Run with the Wolf, Mistreated (Live), Lost In Hollywood, Eyes Of The World, Gates Of Babylon, Light In The Black, All Night Long and.. all.(Literally all)

Now, his first solo work: Basically he had nostalgia for Hammer and the press still had bad relationship with Cozy saying things like “He is just Dance With The Devil and nothing more” so Cozy want to make an album so fantastic to shut them up. He called to his friends and all was ready... but they needed a bassist so Cozy took his chance and asked Jack Bruce if he can play in his album (Cozy was such a Cream/Jack fanboy.. he was almost his male crush lol.) Fortunately for Cozy, Jack said yes and they recorded it. The album had a fantastic success, extremely high success. The album had fantastic songs like Theme One (Courtesy of George Martin), The Killer, El Sid, Heidi Goes To Town and one sweet ballad (Sweetheart) The Loner (Dedicated to Jeff Beck... That is actually very cute).

1. ELPowell

(ARE YOU JOKING?????) No, i’m not joking and i’ll tell you why. Also this is when Cozy became a prog nerd.

The only one reason that I chose ELPowell as best Cozy music era instead of Rainbow... it’s because he stepped out of his Comfort Zone. This is the REAL proof of Cozy’s versatility. He did amazing things in Rainbow yes but in the end was rock and roll... This is different, this is progressive rock (I don’t really care about Progressive people’s discussion about 80s progressive rock... I’m talking only about Cozy) and Cozy didn’t know a THING about progressive and he still did it amazing. Of course, he took what Carl did and he simplified it to carry it to what he can do... and he did it very well. He had to learn all the ELP’s songs studying them (That’s when he accidentally listened to all elp discography and some Genesis, Yes and well... he became a nerd) He started to experiment with new percussion instruments that Carl used before.. (Like those bells that you hit them with a little hammer... no? okay) He became a KONG BOY too. He literally learned a whole new drumming style but of course with his Cozy sound. Tarkus played by Cozy is amazing, and when he is doing the Congas in From The Beginning kills me every time (That tank tee and those muscles...) and those drum solos...(Damn) they are really something else. And this is the same case of Rainbow.. he was recovering from his disappointment in Whitesnake so he was so enthusiastic about playing with Keith and Greg.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Touch and Go, The Score, Mars the Bringer of War.

THIS IS THE END... GOD this took me an eternity and I explained so much i’m so sorry this is not going to happen again. This is the first and the last time that I’ll make a large post! (For my own mental health) This is so large, I didn’t mean to, sorry! Nobody will read it to the end but I don’t care... and if you do thanks very much this costed me two nights <3 (And sorry if there are any grammar errors)

#goooooood #martina get a grip #large post #i did this? for real?#ill die #cozy powell #look what i have to do for you you bastard #i love cozy #Black Sabbath #whitesnake #rainbow #rainbow band #jeff beck group #jeff beck #michael schenker group #elpowell definitely is the best time for cozy #ELPowell #gary moore #and im so tired to tag more

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thearcana-junkie · 4 years

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Love your blog ♡ may i request main 6 headcanon (or just lucio and julian if u dont feel like doing all the 6) for them reacting to a mc that really love theatre and is a very good actor?

HEY!

I know you! I’ve seen you in my notications a couple times!! (I try to remember everyone who pops up there. Please don’t think I’m being weird and stalking you)

Anyway! Yes of course I can but to be honest I prefer doing it with all six main characters (And courtiers if specifically asked) So that no one gets bummed that their favorite character wasn’t in the scenario. I love the all the babes and i wanna make them happy, I don’t want them not to ask me to do the scenario over with their favorite character because they don’t think i will. (Plus this keeps my masterlist cleaner) also thank you so much

Main Six With An Actor MC

—Nadia—

Truth be told Nadia has a thing for the theater. In fact she’s probably wanted to be an actor at one point but being the Countess doesn’t allow for such free time

(Plus she can’t act to save her life...)

She’s known you were an actor even before you both met. (Be it full time or pastime acting)

She saw you in a few of the plays done at the Theater in town, and can i just say, she LOVED you.

Your emotions on a whim, your attention to detail of your surroundings, the improv moments when someone messed up a line, your ability to remember your lines, the—

Oof! She can go on and on about how much she loves and adores your acting.

She goes to EVERY. SINGLE. SHOW.

She’s always bringing you gifts backstage or just singly waiting for you there to encourage you in between acts.

If your shy about your acting then she’ll simply encourage you more.

If you like to keep your work life and private life separate she can understand that and wont mention it that much at home (Because we all know she could go on forever about skilled you are)

—Julian—

To be honest you didn’t tell him. You figured it wasn’t that important or it never came up.

Well not until auditions at the theater where you both found each other wanting the same part.

At first he’s very surprised.

You both argue over who’s going to step out and let the other have the part when you realize you two are the only ones who made it to the finals.

The head man(? I don’t know theater talk) Decided you’d take one main character part, and Julian could ALSO play a main character.

When you guys are home you’ll probably do skits together a lot.

Maybe sing a few songs from musicals you were both in/have seen.

You guys are often in shows together and seen as the Theater power couple!

Be prepared for role play in the bed room

Make sure to punish him when he gets a line wrong ;)

—Asra—

Asra wasn’t surprised.

Don’t forget he basically raised you from when you were resurrected.

He was happy to see your love for the theater stayed even after death

He often takes you to shows, even after you’ve been together a while he’ll surprise you with tickets to the newest play/musical.

He’s probably the reason you started acting after he encourages you to go to an audition.

“If you don’t get the part, you don’t get the part but at least you had fun trying. You’ll never know unless you try.”

Definitely has helped you with your lines when you need someone to practice with.

He goes to every single one of the shows your in

You always know he’s there because he’s sitting in the front row and shushing ANYONE who dares make a sound durning your parts.

Brings you flowers, balloons, chocolates, hell its like its Valentine’s Day when he comes backstage to congratulate you after a show.

—Muriel—

You had mentioned once that you had been in a few plays/musicals to which he swiftly replied; “I know... I’ve seen them”

at your confusion he started to go red whilst also explaining that he watches them from the raptors sometimes and once saw you come on to try out, he thought you did great and started noticing you appearing in more and more of the plays.

Compliments you then continues to tell you that you should do more of them.

Though he will never mention it to anyone (Well maybe Asra) But the first time he heard you singing in a musical he thought you sounded like an angel.

Another thing he will NEVER admit to is how he kind of got excited when he first met you.

He still watched you from the raptors and refuses to sit in the crowd.

Once you started to get things backstage sent to you from the audience he started to get kind of jealous it after a little bit he got used to it.

If you do ever get famous because of it (As much as i hate to say it) It’s most likely a deal breaker for Muriel.

Not because he’s jealous or that he doesn’t want you get popular.

It’s just that with popularity comes people, and we all know people is the one thing Muriel cant take. I mean he might learn to be okay if it was just a few people coming up to you in town or something but if it turns into ull on crowds every time you go out or people following you back to muriels hut like creeps I don’t think he could take it.

He’ll still be your friend though and he’ll still worry about you and come to your acts!!!

—Portia—

Oh god she loves it

Brags all over town that your the best actor in the world

Comes to every single one of your shows. You always know she’s there because she’s the one clapping the loudest and wolf whistling at you in the crowd.

She once got into your fan-candy backstage and ate so much she got sick.

“I thought they were for everybody!”

Definitely shows you off to Julian first though!

Has hosted a mini theater show when you asked for help with your lines.

said mini theater show consistented of Julian, you, Portia, and Pepi being the actors (Pepi was always the bad guy) and Mezlinka being the audience. All of this done in the living room of Portias house.

Has nodoubtly cried over your actings before, even once or twice when just practicing the lines with her.

You made a mental note to not practice sad scenes with her.

—Lucio—

I’m sorry, WHAT!?

You had to preform a scene for him right away. After he’s whistling and applauding even if you chose to do one of you least favorite scenes off the top of your head.

“You know I’m something of an actor myself.”

But seriously, he does intend to tell E V E R Y O N E whenever he gets the chance.

Important meetings? “Hey did you know I’m dating an actor?”

Talking with any of the courtiers about the mascarde? “did you know MC is like the best actor? Like ever!”

Being yelled at by Nadia for not paying attention to said meetings? “Hey! Did you know MC was one {Play name}”

He donates a good portion to the theater because “My lover is NOT performing in some run down community theater!”

Always watches your plays from the highest seat in the theater.

Invites as many people as he can to your latest show.

You’ve single handedly gotten him into theater, weather your in the play or not (Though he perfers your acting over everyone else’s)

Stroke his ego by letting him practice lines with you and you’ll be doing the whole play with him.

Bonus points if you let him play the love intrest and it ends in kiss.

#the arcana #The Arcana Game #thearcana #the arcana portia #the arcana lucio #the arcana asra #the arcana julian #the arcana nadia #the arcana muriel #the arcana mystic romance #headcanons #slight spoilers #requests open #i also do fanfics

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sup4l3e · 3 years

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I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

1 note · View note

ellana-ravenwood · 5 years

Text

Salt, Tequila, Lemon - Jason Todd x Reader

Please read this intro, thank you very much :

So. I posted this yesterday, but after a bug on the Tumblr app on my phone it got deleted. I’m super bummed out because it had over 200 notes and quite a few feedbacks that I never got to read because it was accidentally deleted...If the people that took the time to comment things on the story could take a bit more time to write a little comment again and give me their feedbacks, and also if the people that liked and reblog could do it once more...i’d appreciate the hell out of you <3. So reposting it (thanks god I always have back ups of all my stories now). Written in twenty minutes during my break at work. Bam. Hope you’ll like it :

Also, since Tumblr’s new guidelines and enforcement of it, I DON’T really appear in searches anymore, so the only way for this story to be seen by others than those who follow me is to reblog it. So if you wanna, you can show your support for my writing by doing just that. Thanks very much. You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

_________________________________________________

Ok. So. Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Oh, right.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Got it. Licking the back of your hand to make the salt stick to it, you pour yourself a massive shot of “To-Kill-Ya” in your coffee mug, not even caring about the fact that there is still some remnant of your cappuccino from last night in it.

You focus on the sound the liquid makes as it fills your cup. Makes you think about something else. Good. Yup. This was totally gonna help right now.

“Cheers”, you exclaim to yourself, your empty apartment echoing your voice.

Salt.

Wincing. Stingy. Salt on its own is gross.

Tequila.

More wincing. Oh my god, it burns. The coffee that was still at the bottom of the cup is an oddly nice touch.

Lemon.

The last of the Wincing.

You spit the piece of lemon you just bit into in the trash and…miss. The yellow fruit falls with a little flat sound on the floor, and you honestly can’t bother to pick it up. Your apartment is a mess anyway, so you just stare at it angrily and pour yourself another drink.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

You gulp the last of the citrus and shiver. Miss the trash again.

Damn. This was good.

Well, actually, it was disgusting.

You didn’t like strong alcohol and what the Hell ?! Why did you leave a bit of coffee in your cup ? Now that the aftertaste was kicking in, it was actually really gross. If the tequila itself didn’t make you wanna throw up, the stale coffee taste nearly did. Oh, and the salt and lemon combination was as awful as ever.

You really didn’t like salt, tequila, or lemon.

But it was still good.

Because thanks to all this immediate awfulness, you could slowly feel yourself drift into “haze land”, and forget about your worries.

Forget that your boyfriend of two years just cheated on you with some random woman you worked with. Woman that, by the way, he met at the Christmas “end of the year” party from you work you invited him to…You gave him free champagne and mise-en-bouche and all your love, and he broke your heart.

It wasn’t your thing, to drink your sorrow away. And it wasn’t your thing either to wallow because of a man…But you genuinely thought he was “the one” (oh what a mistake you would soon realize that was).

He was always so nice, treating you like a princess. He complimented you daily, and never forgot an important date. He was affectionate, not to an annoying point. He was the perfectamount of affectionate. He was a gentleman and seemed to love you and yet, he betrayed you.

If a man like him, that was nothing short but sweet and passionate with you, cheated on you, then did that mean you couldn’t trust anyone ?

Because in your eyes right now, he was perfect. Albeit said eyes were slightly clouded by a a few tequila shots.

You were downing a fourth drink starting to slowly sob when…

There’s very few things that can get you out of a drunk state in seconds.

An extremely cold shower could do the trick, for instance. Brings you back to your senses a bit you know ? You wouldn’t magically be sober, but you’d get a clearer mind. Or someone giving you shocking news ! Or like, an event so incredible that your body just forgets how drunk it is for a minute.

And this event, for you, came at the perfect time.

Right when you were entering your “sad drunk” phase, which was between the “lol alcohol does NOTHING to me” phase where you downed most of your drinks, and the “dancing on the bar’s counter” phase (a few more drinks and you would have a one woman dance party in your living room, acting as if you were on a bar’s counter and that your name was suddenly “Britney”).

Right when you were about to wallow times a thousand, and cry, and yell “whyyyyyyy ?!” to the sky, arms in the air (drama queen).

Years later, looking back on that particular event, you’ll start to realize that Destiny HAS to exist. Because come on, it was just too perfect a timing to be a simple coincidence.

You were about to swallow up your fifth drink, launching yourself head first into the “sad phase” when an ear shattering noise rang all around your apartment.

Broken glass.

It was the sound of broken glass. Heightened to the max by your drunkness. You turned on your stool, and…there he was.

It was a guy. That you were sure of because he had no boobs and too much pecs. And that guy…well that guy just flew right through your window, destroying it. How rude.

There was glass everywhere.

How much did a window cost ? Probably a fortune.

You wondered briefly if you could just use aluminium foil and tape the shit up. There was nothing of value to steal in your apartment anyway, and if aluminium foil could keep meals warm, it definitely worked with a house too right ?

You sobered up quite a bit, but you were also very drunk when this event happened, so your mind was still in that cloudy weird phase where your priorities were…interesting.

You worried more about the broken window at first, than about that guy who just launched through it.

A guy.

Not just any guy.

You saw that guy before.

He was one of those night vigilante your crazy hometown was filled with…RED HOOD !!

“Thick thighs”, is the first thing you thought right after you recognized him (priorities).

The second thing you thought was that you needed another drink, and so you downed what was your fifth one, but with that crazy thing happening ended up being on the same level as if it was a second one. You were tipsy, but not “drunk” anymore.

The third thing that came to your mind was…Is he still alive ?

No cause, he was like, just laying there, on your living room’s floor, not moving.

“…Outch.”

Oh. He spoke.

So he ain’t dead. Good, means you can have another drink then, you don’t need a clear mind to call an ambulance or something.

Oddly enough, in your half-drunk half-sober state, this sounded completely reasonable. Nevermind if Red Hood had some internal bleeding or something. He talked. He was probably fine.

A minute passed, and you just sat there, sipping up your tequila in between taking a pinch of salt and biting into a piece of lemon.

Salt, tequila, lemon. Great remedy against heartbreaks.

Wait, were you heartbroken ? Really ? You couldn’t really recall that fact now. But, yeah…it was the reason why you were drinking right ? Because right now, all you could think about was the fact that this Red hood guy had abs for days…

This unforeseen event sobered you up quite a bit, but the two shots you just took kinda brought you back to the same state than you were before.

Well. Not quite. You were drunk as hell again, but seemed to have avoided the “sad phase”. Instead, Red Hood bursting quite literally through your window took you to another road.

The : “Cool, I got a drinking buddy phase”. Well, taking for granted he didn’t have any internal bleeding and wouldn’t die while biting into a lemon wedge.

“Tough day ?”

You ask him, as he slowly sits up and shakes his head, trying to regain his senses. He looks towards you and seem surprised (or at least you think he is, because he wears a mask so…kinda hard to tell).

************

Jason definitely thought he was alone in this place, because no sane person would just sit there, not saying anything, as someone simply jumped through their window. Nope, most people would just freak out. Scream.

He knows, because it’s not the first time he falls through a window during a night on duty. And every single time it happened, people freaked out. Screamed. Threw stuffs at him, or hid away begging for their life to be spared.

And yet here you were, half a bottle of tequila in front of you, surrounded by lemon wedges you bit into, and table salt all over your hand, just staring at him curiously. And did you just say : “tough day” ?

Well, Jason guessed the empty half of the bottle was why you were so chilled about it all. He sat up, and slowly got back to his feet.

Usually, going through a window meant the end of the night for him. He’d go back to one of his secret stash, patch himself up and get some rest. Most of the time, he fell through windows because someone pushed him or threw him there…Though today, he just embarrassingly missed a step and fell by himself.

Of course, no one would ever now he tripped while jumping from one building to another (you lived on the last floor) and went careening into your home (and life). Nope, the official story would be that he fought a fierce enemy and was thrown into that window. Finding fake villains name was easy, given how truly ridiculous some could be.

Tim and Damian were still after the “Illusive Blue Man” that he totally made up that one time he walked into a poll and had a huge black eye that he couldn’t quite explain…Oh man, he had to stop telling such elaborate lies and just say “I fought with a few guys last night” without more explanation.

But he couldn’t help it. And those kids believed everything he said, it was too tempting…But for now, this wasn’t the issue. Nope.

He did a quick check of his body and knew he wasn’t really hurt (thanks “dad” for the amazing body armor ugh ?), so he was planning on leaving that poor girl’s house and send a mystery check in the mail to pay for the damage (money stolen from a certain Bruce Wayne of course, as if he would pay himself).

Yup. He was just gonna stand up, and go on his way and…somehow, he found himself sitting on the stool opposite side of this mysterious girl, and now she was peppering salt on his hand ?

“Salt”, she says, and she has a cute drunk voice. Jason almost forgets he just went through a window a few minutes ago.

“Tequila”, she continues, downing her drink and pointing at the one she poured him. He doesn’t even care the she poured it in a cereal bowl that she didn’t even seem to have clean…He drunk worst things in worst recipient. He turns away to take off his mask and so that she can’t see his face, and “bottom’s up”.

“Lemon !” she finishes, biting into the sour fruit and spitting it in the direction of the trashcan but missing completely. The lemon wedge goes to lost itself amongst his fallen brothers…

Jason bites into his own lemons, and spits it. Right into the garbage.

There’s a slight pause, where she just stares at the trashcan, and then at Jason, back to the trashcan, and then turns to him again and simply says :

“Wow.”

************

So. This was surreal.

Here you were. In your home. Taking tequila shots. With…Red Hood.

One of Gotham’s night vigilante. The most violent one. But the dude seemed chilled. He was holding his liquor really well.

And now you were talking about your broken heart, telling him the story as if he’d been your friend for years. And he was listening. Intently. And reacting to what you were saying. It had been a LONG time, since you had this kind of talk with anyone, and despite the fact you were drunk, you still noticed how nice it felt to have someone to talk to. Someone that genuinely listened.

“And then he slept with her !” you say angrily.

“Nooooooo !?!”

“Yes, he did ! He slept with…with…what was her name…”

“Nicole. From accounting.”

“Right, Nicole from accounting ! That bitch ! She always just…counts and shit ! And he slept with her ! Nicole from accounting ! Whom he met thanks to me, by the way ! At a partyyyy !! At my wooooork !!”

“What an ass.”

“Right ?! Oh but he had such a good ass though…Quite firm. But whenever he wore jeans, it was super flat.”

“So, not such a good ass in the end then ?”

“I guess not. You have a good ass. Popping right out in this outfit of yours.”

Red Hood chuckles, and the sound of his laughter makes you forget that you just said something incredibly embarrassing. His voice is…nice. Deep. Manly. You like it. You wanna make him chuckle some more, so you say, hoping :

“And it looks very firm. Not just quite firm.”

It works. He snorts and it’s very cute. Oh wow. He can be sexy and cute. Full package. You smile a bit dreamily.

For a second, he’s lost in that smile of yours, and there’s a silence installing itself in the room. A comfortable one. That you break :

“Ok. So now, he’s not that perfect anymore ! He got no ass ! Penalty points ! I never notice how un-assed he was before…”

Jason smiles and damn. He’s hot.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped turning his face away from you whenever he took a shot, and just ended up taking his helmet off. He was probably hoping that you’d black out or something, so you wouldn’t remember his face (or he just didn’t care).

In any case, you were pretty sure you never saw him before. His face kinda reminded you of an old memory. Of someone you saw somewhere long ago, when you were a kid…Which wasn’t really a big help right ?

Right. You had no idea who he was. And in your drunken state, probably couldn’t piece anything together anyway. So even if you did know who he could be, you wouldn’t know in the end anyway…Makes perfect sense right ?

What you knew was : he’s hot.

This white streak in his hair did something to you that you couldn’t explain. And that jawline ? You would love to get cut on that bitch. It could actually cut a bitch, you were sure of it. Those blue eyes ? You’ve never seen someone with such blue eyes. And did you mention to yourself how muscular he was ? Because man you only saw guys like this in magazines !

But beyond his handsome features, he seemed like a nice guy. Like he was listening to you, a total stranger. And this realization suddenly raised your guard up.

You also thought that your ex-cheating-boyfriend was a nice guy. And come to think of it, who the hell just barge in someone’s home like that, and actually stay to drink tequila shots ?! Wait but…in your guts…it’s not like with your ex.

You don’t think he’s a nice guy. You know he is.

************

There’s a visible shift in your mood, after this realization. So far, you talked to him about your broken heart freely, and he listened.

Oddly enough, no words that came out of your (perfect) mouth bored him. Jason wasn’t sure wether it was the alcohol or not, but you captivated him.

But in a split second, and without him knowing why, your features changed. You were now frowning. Like an unhappy little kid. It was kinda cute, but he didn’t like it because…why were you frowning ?

He tries to lighten up the mood and says :

“Well here you go. See, you didn’t loose the perfect guy, his ass was flat in jeans. Can’t work with that, can you ? I bet we can find other flaws. Make you realize he actually was a looser.”

Your guard is up, but you can’t help but smile a bit, plus you were frowning just now because you realized you just knew you could trust that total stranger, and it was so weird….

Besides, no harm in indulging this, because you’re pretty sure it’ll make you feel better to try and see the bad side of your ex-boyfriend, not just his good ones. No one was perfect. And so, still a bit careful, you say :

“Well…He never got any of my Tv shows or movie references.”

“Well, here’s a point to take off of his “perfectness”. Doesn’t get pop culture references. Deal breaker.”

“Yeah…Yeah you’re right. It is. He also used to hate when I made jokes. I like puns ya know ? Terrible ones. Well, he was always embarrassed whenever I made them in public.”

“Ashamed of his girlfriend, doesn’t sound very gentlemanly, right ?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t such a perfect gentleman…He also used to not want to go out with me if I didn’t wear any make-up and was dressed just casually.”

“What you mean, he never just went out with you ?”

“We only went out on dates. I had to dress up. I could be casual home though…”

“Well goodie, the man let you be yourself when you were home. Big deal. To be honest, sounds like a douchey move.”

“That was kinda douchey…I never cared what he looked like.”

And it’s true. For you, physical appearance wasn’t everything. And sure you thought your ex was hot and all, but only because you liked his personality too. You liked his jokes, you were never ashamed of anything he said.

And right now, sure that stranger that bursted through your window was hot, but the reason you felt like you could tell him things was because he just made you comfortable by his mere aura. Because he gave you such a good vibe.

You never were fully about appearances. It was always just a bonus for you…So it never occurred to you why your ex would only hang out in public with you if you were pampered. Like he used to hate when you just wore hoodies and no make-up, even if you didn’t need make-up to be beautiful.

Comes to think of it, he was very much about appearances…Uh. Interesting. You never realized that before.

You turn to Red Hood, and the look on your face says it all. You’re slowly realizing maybe you didn’t just lost “the one”. The vigilante says :

“Ok, so : no ass, no humor apparently, doesn’t get pop culture references, and was kind of a jerk when it came to going out with you…”

“He did tell me often that I was beautiful though. Including when I just woke up from a night out, and was awful looking.”

“Yeah, but he never went out with you looking like that. He shouldn’t feel ashamed of hanging out with you looking like that. Just like he shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you joke. He can be exasperated, like if you really make bad puns, sure. And he can think it’s unfunny…But embarrassed ? No.”

“I guess…I never thought about it.”

“Well let me tell you, as someone who does not know neither you nor him personally, he sounds like a bit of a jerk. Let’s not forget he cheated as well. Like, that’s not something good people do. Especially not with…Nicole from accounting.”

“Nicole from accounting…Yeah. They’re together now though.”

“So ? He should’ve broken up with you if he realized he liked her. That’s the right thing to do. Trust me on that, I put villains behind bars for a living, I know what’s right or wrong.”

“I heard you kill criminals.”

“Used to. I used to kill criminals, I had issues. I’ll tell you one day if you wanna. It’s a real tear jerker story. With clowns and crowbars. And I’m telling you that because I’m drunk, right now. Also, if we want to be specific, I don’t actually make a living out of putting villains behind bars. Like, I don’t get paid or anything…”

Jason finds himself ranting about anything that comes to his mind, and though he hears himself claim it’s because of the alcohol he’s saying all this, he realizes maybe there’s something else making him want to talk.

You. A total stranger he walked upon. Or rather, went-through-the-window upon. Who didn’t freak out when he went through said window. And instead, invited him over to have tequila shots.

Because, according to your grandmother, the best remedy to…basically any problems in life, was “salt, tequila, lemon”.

“She was a wise woman.”

He says, and you turn to him, clearly not understanding what he was talking about.

“Who ?”

“Your grandma. For saying that salt, tequila and lemon was a great remedy against heartbreaks and all.”

“Oh. Yeah. I wouldn’t know, I never met her. She died before I was born.”

“Well what she passed on to your parents is great.”

“What ?”

“Well, that “salt, tequila and lemon” thing, I assume she said that to your mom or dad, and then they said that to you, and then it became your grandma’s advice. Right ?”

“…Nah. It’s an excuse I made up. Whenever I need to justify something, I just say “like my grandma said, ain’t no shame in eating an entire tub of ice cream if you want to”, and then people are just like “oh yeah, cool”, because when you say the word “grandma”, then it gives a perspective to your words ya know ?”

Jason had no idea what you were on about, but he loved it. You seemed to be very smart. And witty. And funny. The hell did that guy cheated on you for ? And why was he ashamed of going out in public with you when you weren’t dressed up ?!

You currently wore “Hello Kitty” pyjamas, had absolutely no make up on, and your hair was a mess, and he thought you looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so nice ?”

Your question takes him by surprise, and for a few seconds he doesn’t register it and just says : “ugh ?”

“To me. Why are you so nice to me ? Is it the alcohol ? Does it make you nice ? Or are you just nice to every stranger ? Every girl you destroy the windows of ? Or are you like my ex ? You seem nice, but then you go off and cheat on your girl simply because you like another girl and you’re too cowardly to break up with your current girl ?”

Jason hiccups slightly, and says :

“No, I’m not nice to any girl I met. I’m actually usually kind of a jerk, too “brutally honest”. But you…I don’t know. You give me good feelings. Oh and here’s to add on his flaws list. “Coward”. Can’t even break up with a girl, has to wait to get caught red-handed and break her heart. Cooooward. Bad flaw. Kind of guy who runs in the face of danger, instead of standing by you.”

It’s probably the fact that he said “you give me good feelings” that spurs this in you. That gives you a new clearer perspective on things.

“My heart wasn’t broken.”

It’s a shock, to you. This realization. This sudden feeling jumping in your face. You…are not heartbroken. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed. You feel a crazy burning anger towards your ex for toying around with you like that. For not having the balls to just break up, after spending two years together.

He was suppose to know you. To be your friend. Things could have turned out better. He could have just come up to you, say the truth, and…You were pretty sure you’d still be friend. Because he really was a great guy.

He really was all the good thing you though about him. He made a mistake, an unforgivable one in your book. But he was a great guy.

He was just…not your great guy. Not anymore at least.

And you realized, there, quite drunk, that…It was ok.

Your heart wasn’t broken.

Your pride was. Your trust was. But your heart ? …Maybe you weren’t completely in love with him. You were best friends, yes, but love ? Maybe it wasn’t love…

Your heart wasn’t broken.

“My heart isn’t broken.”

You tell Red hood, looking at him right in his wonderful ocean blue eyes. And he looks right back at you, and just nods. Just like that. And then he pours you one last tequila shot.

Because like your grandma would say : “When you make great discovery about yourself…Salt, tequila, lemon”.

************

It took you only a few hours with him to realize that you weren’t in love with your ex, and that was kinda scary. Because this realization didn’t come from nowhere.

Nope.

But when he said that your ex broke your heart, you felt obligated to tell him that no. No your heart wasn’t broken. You were sad and angry, yes, but not heartbroken. For you, in that moment, it was important for this total stranger to know you weren’t actually in love.

Hell, you didn’t even know yourself you weren’t that in love before you talked to him. It just came as a sudden, yet utterly true revelation.

Because, and this wasn’t the alcohol speaking…You felt incredibly attracted to that guy. To Red Hood. Not just because of the white streak in his hair, and the eyes, and smile, and voice, and abs, and thick thighs. That too, sure, but not only…Nope.

Nope. Not because of this.

But because he had a tough day (he said so himself, explaining to you how he went through the window…he was fighting a super-villain when he got flung through your window, tough tough time ahem), and yet he sat with a crazy lady that peppered salt on his hand and practically forced him to take a tequila shot…

Because you could see in his eyes, and felt in your guts that he didn’t have an easy life…and yet he took a break from whatever he was doing to just sit with you and listen to you. He didn’t even make sense, that you trusted those feelings so fiercely. And yet, you did. Because he listened to you.

He saw you were struggling and he stayed. And though you felt you couldn’t trust anyone at that time…You oddly felt like he was ok.

Like he wouldn’t be the kind of guy to cheat, or run in the face of danger, leaving you all alone to fight off demons.

In a few short hours, you fell for this guy more than you ever fell for your ex.

What did that say about you uh ? …That was pretty pathetic…

************

Jason didn’t think that you were pathetic at all.

On the contrary. If he went to seat with you, and drink with you, is because he was instantly mesmerized by you.

And though he didn’t know at first why, now he was sure of it.

It’s because you didn’t freak out. And something told him it wasn’t only because you were a bit drunk (he fell in drunk people’s home before…none reacted like you).

Nope. It was because you were special. He just knew it. Special in every way. Funny. Beautiful. Genuinely listening to him when he was speaking.

He peppered his own problems within your story, as you told him. And you listened. Hell, even referenced a few things he said early on, way later, while you were crazy drunk. You listened.

You gave a total stranger that seemed to have a tough day some salt. And tequila. And lemons.

And then you cared. You asked him a thousand times if he was ok, and he basically had to take off his armor to prove it so (to your eyes’ greatest pleasure…mm mm mm those muscles).

Captivated. He was captivated by you. It was strange, and though he knew it was because you were special, he still was unclear as to why his feelings were that strong.

For someone he just met. And barely knew. And only knew while drunk.

You were just…Special.

************

It was surreal. The all thing.

What started as a night where you planned on wallowing your pain and drinking…ended up changing your life.

And no one could convince you that it wasn’t Fate. Because what were the odds that Red Hood would fall through YOUR window after tripping (yeah you didn’t buy that “fighting super-villains thing” at all) ?

What were the odds of his timing being so perfect, arriving just before you started to cry ? Because there was no doubt in your mind that if he had come a few seconds later, he wouldn’t have stayed.

He would have found a crying mess, and maybe he would have tried to confort you but…You wouldn’t have answered. In your “sad phase”, you only cry and whine. He would have eventually left. And the wonderful talk you’d just have, would never have happened.

But instead. He came right before your lips touch that fatal shot of tequila that would have brought you into the “sad phase”. And took your drunkness down a notch. Rerouted your evening.

You weren’t wallowing anymore, you were ranting.

Sharing your anger and frustration.

And he helped you realize that your ex wasn’t that perfect…That maybe it was just not meant to be…After all, he cheated on you.

Uh. What a shame. You didn’t even know his name…”Red Hood”…

You wished you knew his name.

************

The morning lights were rising, and the bottle of tequila was long gone.

There were still salt and lemons though. For some reason, you decided to buy the entire grocery store’s stock of lemons.

Red Hood stood up, and said he had to go.

He was nice about it. Said it was a pleasure to have spend the night with you. You both laughed about the innuendos that ensued.

You were exactly on the same page. And he understood all your joke referencing to pop culture…

But it was time for him to go. And he apparently had no intention of telling you his real name. He didn’t hint either at ever coming back to see you again.

And there was that. Just a nice night, spend talking to a genuine friend that you’ll never see again.

A genuine friend that you didn’t even know a few hours before.

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Maybe not.

And even if you ended up never seeing him again, this evening truly changed your life…At least, it saved you from a heartbreak. Made you realize it wasn’t that.

Though, now, as he climbs out of the window again (he couldn’t possibly use the front door), you feel like the actual heartbreak is starting.

Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Right.

Salt, tequila, lemon…

But the tequila is all gone.

“I’ll send someone to fix that window…Sorry again about that. …Bye.” are his last words, and then he’s out.

And the tequila is all gone.

************

…

Days pass by in a blur.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Ugh. But you don’t want to this time. You don’t want to get drunk to forget.

You don’t want to forget him. And you know it’s ridiculous to get that worked up over a guy you met one night and that will never come back. That you didn’t even know the name of.

This entire night was weird anyway.

Getting drunk with a dangerous night vigilante. Pouring your heart out to him, and him doing the same. The hell were you even thinking ?

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

That would be a good idea to do this right now, because man…your heart hurt. More than when you discovered your ex sleeping with Nicole. From accounting. But you can’t resolve yourself to drink. To forget. Nope. Instead you…

*Knock knock knock*.

Uh ? You take a quick look at your clock in the kitchen.10 pm. Who the hell is coming at 10 pm ?! It can only be bad news. Especially in Gotham…You peep into the eyehole and…

WHAT ?!

You open your door quickly, and…

“Told you I’d send someone to fix your window.”

It’s him. It’s Red hood. But in…civilian clothes.

His ass doesn’t look flat in jeans.

He’s holding a window wrapped in cardboard, and there’s a toolbox at his feet.

“Yeah, you did…come in.”

************

Jason Todd.

That’s his name. And connections are fast to be made in your brain. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne’s adopted son. That supposedly died…ten years ago.

And is Red Hood now. Oh. It makes sense. Even his little “killing criminals” thing while Batman never killed. You easily put two and two together.

Red Hood. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne.

Wow. Can’t believe you never guessed that before. Of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. He’s got the motive, the means, the excuses…It’s so obvious. And yet, you never realized. And no one else in Gotham ever realized.

Jason Todd.

Now you know his name.

And he’s fixing your window. Nobody ever fixed windows for you before (even those who broke it).

Um. To add to the “perfect man” list : “Handy”.

Jason Todd.

He quickly works the window up, and then he turns to you. While he was working you talked, as if you knew each other for years. Joking around. Like old friends. Like old extremely good and close friends.

It fits. It clicks. It’s natural. You and him, him and you.

Barely knowing each others, and yet knowing each others the best.

Jason. Todd.

He turns to you now, and with a smirk, he says :

“Ya know, my grandma always say that when something good happens to you, you need to celebrate. And I feel like this, right now, you and I, though I have no idea what we’re doing and where it’s going…Well it’s still something to celebrate. And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”

You smile.

Yeah. You don’t know where this thing between you two is going, but you do know that you never met someone who so fully understood you.

And in such a short span of time. And you know you’re not mistaking. It’s a feeling too strong to be a mistake.

He came back to fix your window for god’s sake. And trusted you enough to tell you his actual name. Without a second thought. Which meant everything. Especially since from all the hint he let slip through last time you saw each others, about his father, well…let’s just say telling people his real name wasn’t really something he was used to.

But it just works. It fits. It clicks. It’s not like with your ex, because you don’t think you know it does. It just does. The fact that you say those next few words in perfect sync finishes to convince you :

(“…And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”)

“Salt, tequila, and lemons.”

______________________________________________

I’m so mad the Tumblr app crashed and I deleted the original post...Y’all were great and reblogged the hell out of it ! Which is why it got so many notes in such a short span of times. And feedbacks. I haven’t had that many feedbacks on a story in a long time. So just one last time and I won’t bother you with that again : Please, if you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to reblog it and share it with others. People who don’t follow me can’t really find my stories anymore so...you’re a big help by spreading them. It’s always very encouraging.

And if you got the time, feedbacks are always hella appreciated and always make my day a little brighter <3.

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babyawacs · 4 years

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they mustve implied Sexuality in their assaults its inexplica ble #lawyers .@law @law .@laws .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc _whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom separate it clearly tha t itis not sexuality but them imply that that thereisno frivolou s gains but them imply that that even if some would fit prefe rence, does not undo allthe assaults that are beyond good and ev il that it iiiiis about them and that all knew that ******* the gain the benefit the what for was in something else than abo ut that guy letalone about sexuality ofthat guy ******* this. is probably not separated clearly checkthat youre the pro s /// dont get nuts over it, its not so complicated: because. it. is. intel. it.is .all about. which. trick. works. t histime. get furious about it not nuts about it itis lay er1 causing authorities with control accomplice rapedmolested d amamged themselves whatthey can host layer2 cockroaches immu nsied todowhat wish hope pretend youre their underhuman candowhatt heywant with civillians usually willalways try sth . coordinated more orless or invited orho sted only as proxies dont get nuts about it get mad about it isuggest: a sero tolerance dont touch it. offthewalls. off t he health. itdoesntmatter what youwant whatyoupretend what youtry donttouchit. if youre support coordinate with support your ideas are: /// what doyou do about 19years of microscopy while they shuffled sexual asssault then someone germancures your nuts to a smeary fatty or sth because they s u s p e c t something this. itisntjust shuffled sexual assault itisn tjust deedtyped allalong iit is deedtyped after daytimechargin g it repeatedly risking allmyrights and anything to because thecausing authorities quell the charging and thefix the fix is letmore and shuffle more sexual assault and try togive it an alibi nomatter how counterfactuall this. what is agains t this. //// lawyers ofmine ******** had one single tri ck worked unthinkable what wouldhappen next: disassemble this trick ie: because we declare h im nuts we dont compensate what we overtape allalong because he aeh molests little furry sexcat s and sex hedgehogs, we must not compensate what we damage rape and smear. this ********** had one trick worked unt hinkable ////// #lawyers law .@laws .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom what is the state ofmind of the charged gover nment: when they just have to find a trick that puts you inyourpl ace a trick that you give up atrick that resets your brain a trick that shows they dominate you and you must obey like youha ve no choice this is the stateofmind this itis idont care whatthey fake idont care howthey goodcop badcop idontcare how they play sorry theyrenot this. is their stateofmind what do you do about it it explains a long long lattice o f messes and dirty tricks furthermore ////// #sexland #se x #land @all @world @globe @booking .@law .@laws .@harvard_law @ ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom youjustdont getit the german goverme nt rapes thecivil population that is not immunised agains t intel coma s wheres the news they porn the c r a p out of em they sell em as sexslave on intelcoma if they can th ey preplan their careerrs and setemup who exploits who first an d benefits how they controlem like forehead braincooked foo ls like children like fools they hold as underhuman exploitable underhumans that is the basis of it all when a civillian d aytime charged the basis oftheir security system: they did any harm they remotely had then used proxies then played good cop bad cop hunting them ebcause we forced em to and this is the basis ofthe case guilty liable causing criminal governm ents that dowhatthey want withthe civil population charged d aytime for staying damamges and coverup and hightheft using their security system as prison gig t rick is that clear now itis not a single case itisnot the g erman hookerofthe land itis one of 60million abused civillia ns that charged the crap out of em for whatthey did here with the civil population for70years ////// btw2 get allthe clowns offmy privacy superp rivacy i n t i m a c y the scums meld their perverts onthe case and see if later daytiem any thing is confirmation tothat thenits confirmed orsth jail as stoyer dicktoyermolester itis disgusting cockroaches that rei nterpret on deeply intimate things after raping and pedo sexual a ssaulting nomatter how often idaytime chbarge it i am furious about it the cockroaches braindamamge forehead and suffocate the c r a po outof me and damamge eraseme ihate em its legit to and iam furious about it idaytime chargedit atleastfive times locally and fivetimes eu they shuffle se xual assault repeat humiliate and seee how pervert you are co ifirmation i hate them idontlive by hate minors wemu st rescue but the scums get offfffthe case andif wehave tohun t the scums for the authorities the authroties gotojailwit hem they host em coverem anyway host em whenthey cant tax it a trickfailed then itnensified pedo tricks thisishowit wor ks its criminal government authrotieis criminal authori ties shuffling proxies guilty liable accomplice control usua lly maybe unbriefed fools that get shit into their head to mes s wit an excuse sero tolerance with sexual abuse sexual assault the authorities do their job and hunt thw eir cockroaches and if we must theygotojailwith the scums they sat and let rapes poisosn rapes galore arbitrary wh attttheywant whowants cinema grocerystore chameber arbitra ry rapoes rape inschool and cinema arbtirary rtape ******** rape allthtime manytiems deedtyped w e force the m to huntheir cockroach german cockroaches thatthey are withthe authroities or they gotojail both withthe scums when wem ust huntem an this we must do ***************** //// lawyer s that is 90billion euro s fortune of earned tbhings with wh at icould ninety billion before like 67billion do you wonder what scums would do when they think its vulnerable or get access with a trick beit separating it away from that guy they dowaht they want with and act like its mysteriously cre ated not from what thatguy could and did it is ninety billi on a share of which wealth generated you donot make it vulne rable to anyone a matter of granted or not granted if a trick wo rks or sth itis daytime court demanded ina mess where t hey quell immunisation and quzelled the case intothe daytimebubb le inthe firstplace they shuffle tricks like bum med s or b raindamamged fool careers and its just your own fault that you my steriously didnt pick a dayfool career while allrealdeal wouldnt matter this shit you get off me and you get rational about what kinds of scums wi ll a l w a y s try sth a bout the fortune if it seems arbitrary separated away fromthat guy and thatguys performance systemic trickery to be g r a n t e d maybe when he doestn rememeber or is incapacitated and allthese shits if he as dayfoolsomehow something the y trashcan killtrick and harm and hookertrick and degrade as if the fortune wouldnt be real and asif i daytime demanded my ufo or sth seriously. ha rden the fortune from bullshit systemic ornot bust separation tricks of fortune and thatguy performance of thatguy separateda way and be rational about what scums will a l w a y s try sth that is ************* 90billion from this v ery head of what icould and the yeffort braindamage and heartkill and bum meds and gurtslock an dpathogens and tobe granted or not separation of fortune and perf ormance asif im a fool they put in a frozen tube and keepthemoney trick at best thefffff ff f f f f f f f ff f f f f f involve serious insurances and reinsurers ifnecessary include atomic hardening serobullshits agaisnt fraudsystems and criminal govts and thanks forall **** *********** ///// what mom theme is the theme ididnt kno w moms or sth and ididntmind itis agerman shitball about unde rdevelopment usually or perversions or sth asif you sense mom s or sth because thats what you surely want thatkindof german ness //// lawyers because imminent danger and war is so s everely bad enough i say no capital punishments whenever possible:! a l w a y s no capital pun ishment no deathpentalty scums go tojail cant be fun in there important is they understand they dodged capital punishment for real I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent S ophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www. BabyAWACS.com/ [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss //// xraybeam trick heartaimed //// 1634 repair? or leeche ry /// pathogen murderer gases 1518 batih above abovesdjanc ent or cirucitboard. squeezetheockroach shifted from xraytrick b efore //// xray murderbeam beta highpowered orand transmu tation 1500 1511 above aboveadjkacent knows I am Christian K ISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + # INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWA CS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. D onnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// after which damage and degradation would #you! have said: "mmaaayn adunno.. allthe beer and stuff and their fhaaanta stic cars drivingby .. but youknow.. ikinda miss my genitals... " for them it makes sense //// intelligence genomes more from the mother usually has also some implications of why it is as it is shewas morelike lisa simpson and dodged studying i nthe 70s because parent got ill and died then got hepatitis next year then met my dad with his h eavymotor bike another life spoiled (haha) /// the gloriou s german careers with those stamps visualise it /// it wo uldbe epic justice if germans would try to pillgage the case but o neof their earlier damage tricks fucks em instead letalone any invention after which staying harms it doesnt work both w ays, einstein can be cooked to a fool but a fool cannot be einstein as extreme example / /// this howthey are mustve been obviosu other cases too ofreailtime botch things #failed #vir ginity #test #2001 .@law @harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @fr ance24 @haaretzcom @snowden .@fisa @judge .@judge @judges be cause the germans damage their civillians fairly arbitrarily and cover these with standard stigmas thisis how it really is a llalong ***** lets find the cover alibis like retard stamps itis a stigma dyslectic me!! (nickname schnellschreiber 3r d/felt abit artificial bllah) but dyslectic- it is ? a stigma ** *** virginity ?! meh. unless its a stigma one shitball bites the other but that doesnt keepem from right. then. getting away with something damnthe factuality basis I a m Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THIN KTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ In [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// demand a h ook on abstracthumour abstract analysis fromfools they dont getit toooousually /// backlegv to genital implant is hiughly heartkill relelvant makesure theresno damamge added so gutslock gutsusdudue rmeotecontrolled the technology is ma sseldorn badenser whale landesverfassungsschutz //// squee ze lympahtic aimer 2310+-2 its like eastern sexdrug orso //// xraybeam heartaimedd leftchestaimed radar or beta trans mutation allthetime as 20pm 2020 2040 2245 allthetime //// store onlinebanking 2100+-7 woa backleg heartkillrele lvant 2107 acesser squeeze after this mail: "whatis hkkaz, hkcaz,hkccs abbreviations inthe local bank account wahtis fortu ne amount total" //// which fortune sums over which ti meframes make sure its notarstamped courtusable and when dayt imedemanded daytime court demanded iget damaged chav harmed all the time find xraybeamtrick 2040 20pm-2020pm //// authorites gotojail when wemust hunt pathogen murderer above for em letaloneif theauthroites grant em access or cause theki lltrick ///theyarenot competent they shuffle scums that try sth. pathogen murderer above 1500 stuffhimthemix galore. allofi t onsite . who was onthe case 12,000persons andthefinest ano ther good indication for intel #sex #sexual #potence #balls #tric k @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 .@world @world @all because itis intel itis which trick w orks. batshitnuts? criminal? terrorist? pedo? fool? alljust adr eam nowhy was sth because itis intel which trick works ha s a l w a y s beenthegame isuspect people know but thats not the case youmay count the shuffled harms priming (itis a ch ip bring all bananas: academic: wtf?!??why everyone throwing ba naanas atme) framing (as the transvestite that he is, yousee he has long hair: you: theffffff?!?!???) woodbride (he sits alo ne inhis chamber and designs bride dresses for his great weddin g day ahead. which may eventually occur s o m e d a y/ he hopes it increases his sexual potence if he adds allkinds of balls on it blah) smashwords.com/books/ view/552210 /// howmany harms like guts and genitals and ass and facebone were from 2004 it was bad and experiment kill it but itwasnot these 5years intnsified killtricks with shuf fled any harm leecheries morbusmake backlegheartdiease poison s xrays mengeles pathogens lympahtic aimed tricks gutssu bdue dozens of headimacts nanofineduts obscure tricks like li fetime leech and fibrin leech andsuch and interoxid austausch arsenide suffocate trisk itis constant try anything that it dies whichtrick thistime with plausible deniability I am C hristian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKT ANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquir [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Suppo rt. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// because itis in tel itis which trick works. batshitnuts? criminal? terrorist? pe do? fool? alljust adream nowhy was sth because itis intel which trick works has a l w a y s beenthegame isuspect peopl e know but thats not the case youmay count the shuffled ha rms priming (itis a chip bring all bananas: academic: wtf?!??wh y everyone throwing banaanas atme) framing (as the transvesti te that he is, yousee he has long hair: you: theffffff?!?!???) woodbride (he sits alone inhis chamber and designs bride dresses for his great wedding day a head. which may eventually occur s o m e d a y/ he hopes it increases his sexual potence if he a dds allkinds of balls on it blah) smashwords.com/books/view/552 210 /// howmany harms like guts and genitals and ass and facebone were from 2004 it was bad and experiment killit bu t itwasnot these 5years intnsified killtricks with shuffled any harm leecheries morbusmake backlegheartdiease poisons xrays mengeles pathogens lympah tic aimed tricks gutssubdue dozens of headimacts nanofinedut s obscure tricks like lifetime leech and fibrin leech andsuch and interoxid austausch arsenide suffocate trisk itis con stant try anything that it dies whichtrick thistime with plaus ible deniability I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Indepen dent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https:/ /www.BabyAWACS.com/ [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 61 1 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophisticat ion #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.c om/ [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpfu l? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss I am Christi an KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@Bab yAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

they mustve implied Sexuality in their assaults its inexplica ble #lawyers .@law @law .@laws .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc _whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom separate it clearly tha t itis not sexuality but them imply that that thereisno frivolou s gains but them imply that that even if some would fit prefe rence, does not undo allthe assaults that are beyond good and ev il that it iiiiis about them and that all knew that ******* the gain the benefit the what for was in something else than abo ut that guy letalone about sexuality ofthat guy ******* this. is probably not separated clearly checkthat youre the pro s /// dont get nuts over it, its not so complicated: because. it. is. intel. it.is .all about. which. trick. works. t histime. get furious about it not nuts about it itis lay er1 causing authorities with control accomplice rapedmolested d amamged themselves whatthey can host layer2 cockroaches immu nsied todowhat wish hope pretend youre their underhuman candowhatt heywant with civillians usually willalways try sth . coordinated more orless or invited orho sted only as proxies dont get nuts about it get mad about it isuggest: a sero tolerance dont touch it. offthewalls. off t he health. itdoesntmatter what youwant whatyoupretend what youtry donttouchit. if youre support coordinate with support your ideas are: /// what doyou do about 19years of microscopy while they shuffled sexual asssault then someone germancures your nuts to a smeary fatty or sth because they s u s p e c t something this. itisntjust shuffled sexual assault itisn tjust deedtyped allalong iit is deedtyped after daytimechargin g it repeatedly risking allmyrights and anything to because thecausing authorities quell the charging and thefix the fix is letmore and shuffle more sexual assault and try togive it an alibi nomatter how counterfactuall this. what is agains t this. //// lawyers ofmine ******** had one single tri ck worked unthinkable what wouldhappen next: disassemble this trick ie: because we declare h im nuts we dont compensate what we overtape allalong because he aeh molests little furry sexcat s and sex hedgehogs, we must not compensate what we damage rape and smear. this ********** had one trick worked unt hinkable ////// #lawyers law .@laws .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom what is the state ofmind of the charged gover nment: when they just have to find a trick that puts you inyourpl ace a trick that you give up atrick that resets your brain a trick that shows they dominate you and you must obey like youha ve no choice this is the stateofmind this itis idont care whatthey fake idont care howthey goodcop badcop idontcare how they play sorry theyrenot this. is their stateofmind what do you do about it it explains a long long lattice o f messes and dirty tricks furthermore ////// #sexland #se x #land @all @world @globe @booking .@law .@laws .@harvard_law @ ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom youjustdont getit the german goverme nt rapes thecivil population that is not immunised agains t intel coma s wheres the news they porn the c r a p out of em they sell em as sexslave on intelcoma if they can th ey preplan their careerrs and setemup who exploits who first an d benefits how they controlem like forehead braincooked foo ls like children like fools they hold as underhuman exploitable underhumans that is the basis of it all when a civillian d aytime charged the basis oftheir security system: they did any harm they remotely had then used proxies then played good cop bad cop hunting them ebcause we forced em to and this is the basis ofthe case guilty liable causing criminal governm ents that dowhatthey want withthe civil population charged d aytime for staying damamges and coverup and hightheft using their security system as prison gig t rick is that clear now itis not a single case itisnot the g erman hookerofthe land itis one of 60million abused civillia ns that charged the crap out of em for whatthey did here with the civil population for70years ////// btw2 get allthe clowns offmy privacy superp rivacy i n t i m a c y the scums meld their perverts onthe case and see if later daytiem any thing is confirmation tothat thenits confirmed orsth jail as stoyer dicktoyermolester itis disgusting cockroaches that rei nterpret on deeply intimate things after raping and pedo sexual a ssaulting nomatter how often idaytime chbarge it i am furious about it the cockroaches braindamamge forehead and suffocate the c r a po outof me and damamge eraseme ihate em its legit to and iam furious about it idaytime chargedit atleastfive times locally and fivetimes eu they shuffle se xual assault repeat humiliate and seee how pervert you are co ifirmation i hate them idontlive by hate minors wemu st rescue but the scums get offfffthe case andif wehave tohun t the scums for the authorities the authroties gotojailwit hem they host em coverem anyway host em whenthey cant tax it a trickfailed then itnensified pedo tricks thisishowit wor ks its criminal government authrotieis criminal authori ties shuffling proxies guilty liable accomplice control usua lly maybe unbriefed fools that get shit into their head to mes s wit an excuse sero tolerance with sexual abuse sexual assault the authorities do their job and hunt thw eir cockroaches and if we must theygotojailwith the scums they sat and let rapes poisosn rapes galore arbitrary wh attttheywant whowants cinema grocerystore chameber arbitra ry rapoes rape inschool and cinema arbtirary rtape ******** rape allthtime manytiems deedtyped w e force the m to huntheir cockroach german cockroaches thatthey are withthe authroities or they gotojail both withthe scums when wem ust huntem an this we must do ***************** //// lawyer s that is 90billion euro s fortune of earned tbhings with wh at icould ninety billion before like 67billion do you wonder what scums would do when they think its vulnerable or get access with a trick beit separating it away from that guy they dowaht they want with and act like its mysteriously cre ated not from what thatguy could and did it is ninety billi on a share of which wealth generated you donot make it vulne rable to anyone a matter of granted or not granted if a trick wo rks or sth itis daytime court demanded ina mess where t hey quell immunisation and quzelled the case intothe daytimebubb le inthe firstplace they shuffle tricks like bum med s or b raindamamged fool careers and its just your own fault that you my steriously didnt pick a dayfool career while allrealdeal wouldnt matter this shit you get off me and you get rational about what kinds of scums wi ll a l w a y s try sth a bout the fortune if it seems arbitrary separated away fromthat guy and thatguys performance systemic trickery to be g r a n t e d maybe when he doestn rememeber or is incapacitated and allthese shits if he as dayfoolsomehow something the y trashcan killtrick and harm and hookertrick and degrade as if the fortune wouldnt be real and asif i daytime demanded my ufo or sth seriously. ha rden the fortune from bullshit systemic ornot bust separation tricks of fortune and thatguy performance of thatguy separateda way and be rational about what scums will a l w a y s try sth that is ************* 90billion from this v ery head of what icould and the yeffort braindamage and heartkill and bum meds and gurtslock an dpathogens and tobe granted or not separation of fortune and perf ormance asif im a fool they put in a frozen tube and keepthemoney trick at best thefffff ff f f f f f f f ff f f f f f involve serious insurances and reinsurers ifnecessary include atomic hardening serobullshits agaisnt fraudsystems and criminal govts and thanks forall **** *********** ///// what mom theme is the theme ididnt kno w moms or sth and ididntmind itis agerman shitball about unde rdevelopment usually or perversions or sth asif you sense mom s or sth because thats what you surely want thatkindof german ness //// lawyers because imminent danger and war is so s everely bad enough i say no capital punishments whenever possible:! a l w a y s no capital pun ishment no deathpentalty scums go tojail cant be fun in there important is they understand they dodged capital punishment for real I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent S ophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www. BabyAWACS.com/ [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss //// xraybeam trick heartaimed //// 1634 repair? or leeche ry /// pathogen murderer gases 1518 batih above abovesdjanc ent or cirucitboard. squeezetheockroach shifted from xraytrick b efore //// xray murderbeam beta highpowered orand transmu tation 1500 1511 above aboveadjkacent knows I am Christian K ISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + # INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWA CS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. D onnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// after which damage and degradation would #you! have said: “mmaaayn adunno.. allthe beer and stuff and their fhaaanta stic cars drivingby .. but youknow.. ikinda miss my genitals… ” for them it makes sense //// intelligence genomes more from the mother usually has also some implications of why it is as it is shewas morelike lisa simpson and dodged studying i nthe 70s because parent got ill and died then got hepatitis next year then met my dad with his h eavymotor bike another life spoiled (haha) /// the gloriou s german careers with those stamps visualise it /// it wo uldbe epic justice if germans would try to pillgage the case but o neof their earlier damage tricks fucks em instead letalone any invention after which staying harms it doesnt work both w ays, einstein can be cooked to a fool but a fool cannot be einstein as extreme example / /// this howthey are mustve been obviosu other cases too ofreailtime botch things #failed #vir ginity #test #2001 .@law @harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @fr ance24 @haaretzcom @snowden .@fisa @judge .@judge @judges be cause the germans damage their civillians fairly arbitrarily and cover these with standard stigmas thisis how it really is a llalong ***** lets find the cover alibis like retard stamps itis a stigma dyslectic me!! (nickname schnellschreiber 3r d/felt abit artificial bllah) but dyslectic- it is ? a stigma ** *** virginity ?! meh. unless its a stigma one shitball bites the other but that doesnt keepem from right. then. getting away with something damnthe factuality basis I a m Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THIN KTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ In [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// demand a h ook on abstracthumour abstract analysis fromfools they dont getit toooousually /// backlegv to genital implant is hiughly heartkill relelvant makesure theresno damamge added so gutslock gutsusdudue rmeotecontrolled the technology is ma sseldorn badenser whale landesverfassungsschutz //// squee ze lympahtic aimer 2310+-2 its like eastern sexdrug orso //// xraybeam heartaimedd leftchestaimed radar or beta trans mutation allthetime as 20pm 2020 2040 2245 allthetime //// store onlinebanking 2100+-7 woa backleg heartkillrele lvant 2107 acesser squeeze after this mail: “whatis hkkaz, hkcaz,hkccs abbreviations inthe local bank account wahtis fortu ne amount total” //// which fortune sums over which ti meframes make sure its notarstamped courtusable and when dayt imedemanded daytime court demanded iget damaged chav harmed all the time find xraybeamtrick 2040 20pm-2020pm //// authorites gotojail when wemust hunt pathogen murderer above for em letaloneif theauthroites grant em access or cause theki lltrick ///theyarenot competent they shuffle scums that try sth. pathogen murderer above 1500 stuffhimthemix galore. allofi t onsite . who was onthe case 12,000persons andthefinest ano ther good indication for intel #sex #sexual #potence #balls #tric k @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 .@world @world @all because itis intel itis which trick w orks. batshitnuts? criminal? terrorist? pedo? fool? alljust adr eam nowhy was sth because itis intel which trick works ha s a l w a y s beenthegame isuspect people know but thats not the case youmay count the shuffled harms priming (itis a ch ip bring all bananas: academic: wtf?!??why everyone throwing ba naanas atme) framing (as the transvestite that he is, yousee he has long hair: you: theffffff?!?!???) woodbride (he sits alo ne inhis chamber and designs bride dresses for his great weddin g day ahead. which may eventually occur s o m e d a y/ he hopes it increases his sexual potence if he adds allkinds of balls on it blah) smashwords.com/books/ view/552210 /// howmany harms like guts and genitals and ass and facebone were from 2004 it was bad and experiment kill it but itwasnot these 5years intnsified killtricks with shuf fled any harm leecheries morbusmake backlegheartdiease poison s xrays mengeles pathogens lympahtic aimed tricks gutssu bdue dozens of headimacts nanofineduts obscure tricks like li fetime leech and fibrin leech andsuch and interoxid austausch arsenide suffocate trisk itis constant try anything that it dies whichtrick thistime with plausible deniability I am C hristian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKT ANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquir [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Suppo rt. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// because itis in tel itis which trick works. batshitnuts? criminal? terrorist? pe do? fool? alljust adream nowhy was sth because itis intel which trick works has a l w a y s beenthegame isuspect peopl e know but thats not the case youmay count the shuffled ha rms priming (itis a chip bring all bananas: academic: wtf?!??wh y everyone throwing banaanas atme) framing (as the transvesti te that he is, yousee he has long hair: you: theffffff?!?!???) woodbride (he sits alone inhis chamber and designs bride dresses for his great wedding day a head. which may eventually occur s o m e d a y/ he hopes it increases his sexual potence if he a dds allkinds of balls on it blah) smashwords.com/books/view/552 210 /// howmany harms like guts and genitals and ass and facebone were from 2004 it was bad and experiment killit bu t itwasnot these 5years intnsified killtricks with shuffled any harm leecheries morbusmake backlegheartdiease poisons xrays mengeles pathogens lympah tic aimed tricks gutssubdue dozens of headimacts nanofinedut s obscure tricks like lifetime leech and fibrin leech andsuch and interoxid austausch arsenide suffocate trisk itis con stant try anything that it dies whichtrick thistime with plaus ible deniability I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Indepen dent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https:/ /www.BabyAWACS.com/ [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 61 1 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophisticat ion #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.c om/ [email protected] PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpfu l? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss I am Christi an KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@Bab yAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

they mustve implied Sexuality in their assaults its inexplicable #lawyers .@law @law .@laws .@harvard_law @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom

separate it clearly that itis not sexuality but them imply that that thereisno frivolous gains but them imply that that even if some would fit preference, does not undo allthe assaults that are beyond good and evil that it iiiiis about them…

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taronfanfic · 5 years

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Fast Forward

Chapter 6

The place your Mum picked for lunch was a quaint little farmhouse style tea-room. It was a family business which had only been running for a year or two but the lady serving the tea recognised your Mum instantly and pointed her through to a table which had just been cleared. It overlooked the beautiful wildflower garden which bustled with bees all year round. As soon as you’d sat down the same lady returned with the small menus and asked your Mum how she was getting on with what you presumed to be the title of a book.

Text me if you need anything Xxx

You tapped out a quick message to Taron and sent it whilst they finished their catch up, receiving a reply instantly.

It’s all good, your Dad is lovely. Nothing to worry about! Xxx

“Sorry about that, darling. That’s Julie from book club. Was that Taron texting, is everything alright?”

“It’s fine, they’re good. So what do you recommend on the menu? Or shall we push the boat out and have the full on Afternoon Tea?” You tried to change the subject but you knew it wouldn’t be long before it ended up back on the men in your lives.

“Have whatever you want, it’s all delicious and it’s not like we’re paying for it thanks to your toy boy!”

“Toy boy! Mum, he’s like a year and a bit older than me.” You shook your head as you sat back and looked over the menu quickly.

“Really? He doesn’t look it! Got one of those baby faces though hasn’t he… he’s not the sort you’d usually go for, surprised me a bit actually.”

“I think I’ll get the Afternoon Tea and an extra slice of cake or two, just to taste.”

“Why don’t you want to talk about Taron?” There was no hesitation as she looked up from her menu and fired out her question. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

“Mum! I’m not pregnant, so stop with all the speculation.”

“Tell me about him then, he must be pretty special to have kept you distracted for so long now.”

“Kept me distracted!? Can we not have one conversation where you don’t take a cheap dig at me every 30 seconds?” You picked your bag up from the floor and placed it in your lap, showing her you were ready to walk out the door if she carried on.

“No, come on. Don’t get wound up. I just meant he’s clearly been taking up all your free time recently and that’s why we never see you or hear from you. Your Dad and I always expected you to move back here within a couple of years, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. I take it he must be making you happy?”

“Yeah he is,” The softness returned to your body as you could answer that one easily and honestly. “I want you to like him. To take him seriously and not… not make a joke out of our relationship.”

“It’s a proper thing then?”

“Yeah, I really love him.”

“Gosh! Maybe he is asking your Dad for your hand in marriage then!”

“What?! Where’d you get that idea from! He’s only just met Dad so there’s no way he’d be asking that… I don’t even think he’s that traditional either! We’ve not even mentioned weddings or getting engaged… well not seriously, anyway.” Your words came out in a nervous rush as you panicked over the possibility.

“Hey, calm down,” Your Mum laughed softly. “I’m sure he’s not. It was a fleeting thought that crossed my mind earlier, that’s all. It was the way he said he had a question he needed to ask Michael and how quickly he wanted both of us out the house. But I’m sure I’m wrong, like you said they’ve only just met and that would be a bold move to make… is he a brave man?” The hot flush had risen to your face rapidly and you started to fan yourself with the menu just as Julie returned to take your order.

“Is it a bit warm in here for you, love? Shall I open the window.”

“No, no, you’re alright. She’s just got a bit panicked about her boyfriend possibly popping the question sometime soon!” Your Mum explained way too eagerly.

“Oh, how exciting!”

“It’s fine, he won’t. I’d know if he was acting shifty. His face gives it all away.” You reassured yourself more than anyone else.

“Oh... So he’s been dishonest before? What with?” Julie asked with intrigue as she pulled up a chair and freely joined in with your conversation to get all the gossip.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter, shall we order?”

“No, just hold on a second. What do you mean?” Your Mum asked.

“It’s all in the past now, it’s fine. We’re good.” You smiled.

“What did he do?” You Mum saw straight through your smile and gave you that look of concern which is impossible to lie to.

“It was more of a miscommunication than anything else. We hadn’t labelled anything or said we were exclusive, but we’d been seeing a lot of each other so I just kinda presumed… and then found him acting weird and trying to get rid of me because he had another girl in his flat. So I ended things and didn’t give him the time of day for a while.”

“Well…” Your Mum sighed. “I think I’m going to need a glass of prosecco to soften that blow.”

From then on you knew her mind had been made up and that she wouldn’t be able to see past what was exactly that. The past. Her opinion of Taron had been tainted before she’d even got to know him and you knew that meant she’d be reluctant to show much interest for the rest of the weekend. It didn’t matter that he’d grovelled for weeks before you took him back, or that he’d barely put a foot wrong since. She didn’t want to know. If his eyes had strayed once, they were destined to stray again and that was the end of it. It was safe to say her reaction had dampened your mood and no amount of delicious cake was going to salvage it.

***

Taron knew instantly when you arrived back at the house that something had upset you, but you quietly shook your head at him in a ‘not now’ gesture. It felt awkwardly polite for the rest of the day whenever your Mum and Taron were in the same room together and you hoped for his sake that he didn’t start to overthink it. The small talk was… small. The usual questions about work, the weather, what had been on TV recently. Not once did your Mum ask about Taron’s family, his upbringing, interests or hobbies. You’d hoped your Dad had been more welcoming to him when you were out but you daren’t ask for fear of causing a scene.

You bit your tongue for most of the evening, letting your Mum’s comments slide even when you could feel the rage bubbling beneath your skin. You saw the way she looked at you when Taron put his arm around your shoulder as you sat watching TV and she rolled her eyes when he placed a quick kiss to your temple. She made you feel so uncomfortable around Taron that it was becoming unbearable and as soon as it hit 10pm you made your excuses and started to get ready for bed. Taron followed you out shortly after and joined you in the guest room just as you were starting to undress.

“They’re not that bad.” He spoke softly as he sat on the end of the bed and happily watched you strip down to your underwear. “Your Mum is a bit cold, but your Dad was great this afternoon, we got on really well.”

“Really? That’s good. I’m glad one of them is vaguely normal!”

“It’s alright, your Mum is probably just stressed about your Dad. She’ll warm up with time.”

“Wishful thinking. I had to confess to our relationship getting off on the wrong foot when we went out for lunch, so she’s got your card marked now. I’m sorry.”

“Great,” he rolled his eyes before pulling his top over his head. “I knew something had gone on when you first got back but I didn’t really want to ask.”

“Best not to. She’s never been good with any of my past boyfriends so don’t take it personally; It’s just her. I hate that she gives us daggers every time we touch too, makes me feel like I can’t even kiss you goodnight!”

“We’ll just have to do it when she’s not looking then, won’t we.” He grinned as he invited you to sit on his lap and receive his slow and teasing kiss. His arms wrapped around your body protectively as his tongue met yours and savoured every private second that you could grab.

“That was nice.” All the rage and anger melted away from you with his touch. You kept your forehead resting against his for a moment longer as you sighed contentedly. “I suppose I’d better get to my cold, single bed before I get in trouble for being in here for too long.”

“Put that halo back up for another 24 hours and we can let the devil out tomorrow night, promise.” Taron’s hands caressed over your bum as you stood up from his lap.

“You’re not even going to try and persuade me to stay in here tonight?”

“We both know that you don’t need any persuasion from me, so get gone… I’ll keep your side of the bed warm.” He winked cheekily as he lay back on the double bed and spread his arms out wide.

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#taron egerton #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton fanfic #taron x reader

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savnofilter · 4 years

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okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

#will i regret responding?#yes #do i care?#no.#because if you wanna believe something off the bat because you catch someone at their worst says a lot.#more than me having nasry disputes with people on the internet lol.#as ive said #if youre trying to @ me i cannot see the post at all so i am sorry if i am not responding.

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aberystwythboy · 4 years

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Taron and Me

CHAPTER 17 The Accident

It's the week of the wedding. You are excited as you finish off the last fine details. Taron seems a little distant, but you put it down to pre wedding jitters. "Are you ok?" and he replies enthusiastcally, "Yes, fine" You let it go and can't wait until Saturday. It's been a long time of planning and things have changed over the months in between. Bleddyn and Jemma have moved out together. And Jack and Amanda have started dating. You wonder what ever happened to Kate, but not enough to call her. You haven't heard from her since that night, and as far as you know, neither has Taron. You are completely blissfully happy.

Friday approaches as the limo company calls to confirm, they are to pick you up no later than 12, and the other limo to pick up Taron, Bleddyn and Jack at 11.Amanda and Jemma stay over for the night, and Taron spends the night at Bleddyn and Jemma's apartment. You miss him, but you know it will all be worth the wait tomorrow. "I miss you baby XX" he txts. "I miss you too T XX" you reply. " Omg, its only been 2 hours since you saw him" as Jemma rolls her eyes at you, looking over your shoulder at the txts. "Shut up" you squeal, throwing a pillow behind your head. She laughs out loud and throws the pillow right back. "Anyway" you focus your attention towards Amanda, "How are things between you and Jack?" She pauses for a second. "We slept together last night!" she says looking smug. " Jemma and I scream with delight. "We want all the dirty details" as say as you take another sip of wine.

"He's definately alot bigger than he looks through jeans." holding her hand to her mouth. " Was he good is what we are asking?" pulling her from her thoughts. "Omg, he was incredible, I've never orgasmed like that before." You and Jemma high five her and she blushes with pride. Girls are just as filthy as guys when it comes to detail. The night progresses, and you all need to go to bed, its quite late now. You lay in the bed without Taron, smelling his scent on his pillow as you close your eyes and eventually fall asleep.

The big day is here and you feel a little nauseous. You run to the bathroom to throw up. "Must of been the wine" you think to yourself. You haven't heard from Taron, but you are not overly worried. As you come out to the kitchen, the girls have made you breakfast. The smell of the bacon makes you run back to the bathroom to vomit. They rush after you. "Are you ok?" as they rub your back. "Yeah I think so, probably just nerves" you reply. "No fucking way, you're pregnant!" Jemma shoots back. "I can't be" you say wide eyed your brain ticking over. "Do you remember the night at the pub, you know the night you punched Kate in the face?" "Did you remember you're pill that morning?" "I saw you guys making out unfortunately" as I walked past the room. "It was quite hot actually if I'm being honest" and she breathes out looking towards the ceiling. "Omg, I missed a pill!" you realise. The girls are secretly delighted as they pull you up from the toilet. "I'll duck to the store and grab a pregnancy test" Jemma calls out, already halfway out the door.

She returns a little while later and you take the test. It shows up instantly with a smiley face to imply you are indeed pregnant. You burst into tears. "What have I done" you say between sobs. "Pull yourself together, he loves you and is about to become your husband in 1 hour" emma says as she looks crossly at you. She's always been the stronger one in the friendship. " Ok zip me up" you pull yourself together and get ready to marry the man of your dreams. "Good girl" as she zips you up and Amanda puts your heels on. Your phone beeps, and you grab it to open the message. "I can't wait to marry you X." You hold back the tears. You proceed, arriving at the venue, nervous and nauseous. As you walk down to aisle, you can see Taron tearing up, trying to wipe the tears. Your dad has a hold of your arm reading to give you away. When you reach Taron, your Dad places a single kiss to your cheek.

You feel so emotional, but try your best to hold it in. "You look absolutely beautiful" he whispers in your ear, as you finally reach him, breathing in your scent. Before the ceromony starts, you grab his hands. "Are you sure you really want to marry me?" standing at the alter, and you search his eyes waiting for a response. "What the hell is going on?"confused with your question, and he starts to panic. "I love you with every breath I breathe, of course I wanna marry you." as he senses your emotion. "I need to tell you something before you marry me" you whisper. "Excuse us for a second" Taron announces, as you take his hand and he leads you to the back of the guests seating area. Taron feels your hand shaking in his. Before he speaks, you place a hand on his chest over his heart. "Please tell me what's going on" as he places his hand over yours on his chest. "Well, do you remember the morning after the night at the pub?" he smiles, "Um, yeah, you were still quite tipsy" he seems confused, trying to figure out what you are about to disclose to him. "Well, I forgot to take my birth contr........." you are cut off from finishing your sentence. "Shhh" Taron soothes as he wipes the tear running down your face. "I'm so sorry Taron, I was drunk that night and completely forgot it, it was a stupid mistake." "Our baby will NEVER be a mistake, I didn't want kids early, because I never planned on getting married for quite a while. But after we started dating, and knowing each other for so long, I've never been so sure of anything I wanted more, than to spend the rest of my life with you." Taron explains, starting to feel overwhelmed. "And knowing we created a baby, it's just made me the happiest man on earth.

You look up to Amanda and Jemma standing at the alter, they are both sobbing by this stage, Christine can see Amanda and Jemma's faces as they start to worryyou have cold feet and don't wanna get married. Taron places a kiss to your cheek and takes your hand again as you head back up to the alter. "Sorry everyone," Taron begins. Christine is now crying, thinking the worst. "It's just been brought to my attention, that not only am I going to be a husband today, but also a father!" His smiles wider than ever before. Christine screams with excitement, sad tears turn to happy tears. "Congratulations you two, Bleddyn and Jack hug the both of you. Taron hugs Jemma and Amanda. They wipe their tears. "Did you girls know?" he asks. They just smile. "Sneaky girls" he laughs. "I'd like to marry the girl of my dreams and the mother of my child now please" Taron looks back to the celebrant. The smile showed his gorgeous dimples and features of his face. You take his hands as the celebrant begins. "I love you," he mouths. "Love you too" you whisper back.

After the ceremony, you give your husband a quick kiss and tell him, you'll be back in a minute. You go to the ladies room to change out of your dress, into something a little more comfortable. Jemma and Amanda follow you, to help you take the dress off. As you head out of the ladies, your eyes are wide with shock! Taron is backed up against the wall and Kate is kissing him. "Get the fuck off me you crazy bitch" as he pushes her off him. "We'll deal with this" Jemma and Amanda grab her by the arms and drag her out of the church. "Just leave them alone Kate, give up bitch" Jemma yells. "Where's the fun in that?" she says, rubbing the dirt off her dress, as she speeds off in her car. Taron rushes to your side, after wiping his mouth with disgust. "When is she gonna give up?" you fume. "Don't let her worry you baby" Taron kisses your forehead holding you close. The rest of the night you enjoyed slow dancing, eating beautiful food, and celebrating with close family and friends, everything was exactly as you planned since you were a little girl. The night drew to a close as you and Taron said your goodbyes, exhausted.

CHAPTER 18 The Wedding

Taron picks you up bridal style. You're arms are draped around his neck, as you kiss and nip at his ear. He groans lightly. "I'm hard already with you doing that" You giggle into his neck. He awkwardly opens the door carrying you over the threshold. He kisses your lips tenderly, before placing you down on your feet, his arms stay around your waist. You reach up to kiss him again. "I'd like to make love to my husband now" you breathe into his mouth. He says nothing as he picks you back up and takes you to the bedroom. He gently lays you down, and removes his tuxedo. You kick your shoes off in the process. "Don't take anything else off, I want to do it" Taron says in his low sexy voice. You feel the wetness pooling from your core, watching him removes his clothes. He is completely naked, and completely erect. His eyes are dark with lust. He slides his hands up your dress, and your skin is on fire. He wraps his fingers around the sides of your panties, lifting your bum to help him slide them down your thighs ever so slowly. He returns a finger back up under your dress to your core and runs it through your folds. He pulls out and sucks it. You nearly lose it watching him. "You taste so sweet" he murmers. You raise your arms above your head and he removes your dress. He throws it to the floor and returns his attention to your breasts. "Suck on them" you moan. He sucks on your breasts lightly. Ahhh you breath as his wet tongue drags across your skin. He inserts a finger into your pussy. You arch your back trying to get even closer. "I don't want to hurt you" he says. "I'm pregnant, not dying Taron, you cant hurt me or the baby!" you say annoyed. "Are you sure?" he asks "Yes I'm sure, now make me feel like you always do" pulling his head down kissing his mouth. He bites your bottom lip as you slip your tongue into his mouth. He grunts grabbing his cock and strokes it a few times. He rubs the tip through your folds and kisses you again. "Put your cock inside me" you say quietly and you can feel his warm breath against your cheek as he pants.

He slides the tip in and you push your hips up making him fill you. "Oh Jesus" you say wide eyed. He pulls straight out. "I'm sorry" he frets. "I'm ok, just obviously wasn't as ready as I thought . "Keep going baby" He slips back into you slowly and his arms straighten as he arches his back, to get as deep as he can. "I'll just take it slow tonight" He pulls out slowly, leaving the tip in and thrusting back in just as slowly. The feeling is intense, you've never done it this slow before, but the feeling is incredible.

He repeats the action and you can feel every inch of him sliding into you. "You need to release, you wrap your arms around him tighter. He speeds up. You grab your breasts and pinch your nipples. "I cant take it anymore, fuck me baby" He pounds into you as your juices are already dripping onto the bed. "Omg, you're pussy feels amazing" his hard balls slapping on your ass cheeks. "Oh...My...Fuck..Jesus christ" he thrusts as fast as he can, as you both cum at the same time, the only sounds in the room are screams of ecstacy and juices slapping against skin. The bed is saturated beneath you as he kisses you breathing heavy. "I love you" you breathe as he pulls out slowly. "I love you too, Mrs Egerton."

#taron egerton smut #taronfiction #taron fanfiction #taron fic #i love taron

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go-diane-winchester · 5 years

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SPN ending could be Misha's fault

When J2 decided to end SPN, most dignified individuals were very respectful of their decisions despite the fact that it hurt something fierce. However there were those who were speculating as to why J2 finally decided to call it a day. Jensen did give a potential reason during VegasCon this past weekend.

The Budget

They got a question about what ideal location they would choose to shoot an episode if they had a choice. Jensen went off on a tangent about shooting on the road, and then mentioned that if they had the budget for that, then they would still have a show. So one of the reasons, was the budget

The Ratings

During a January 2019 interview with Deadline, Mark Pedowitz, CW president said the following: “As long as the ratings hold up and the guys (stars Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles) want to do it, it’s really that simple. They have created something about these two brothers that actually transcends.” Jensen also said, during the panels, that the show ending was a joint decision, as everyone involved with show did not want the show to fizzle out. They wanted the show to go out strong. According to Deadline, Supernatural was a potent ratings performer, ranking as the CW second most watched and highest rated among adults 18-49 series in Live+Same Day only behind The Flash. However, if the show is such a high performer, why would Jensen talk about it fizzling out and what did he mean by that? It meant, in my humble opinion, that despite the fact that the ratings were good, there was potential for it to lose viewership in the coming future and end disgracefully. Perhaps, analysis of the rating chart was showing that in the future, SPN had the potential to drop too much in the ratings, and they wanted the show to end in a dignified manner rather than ''being booed off the stage'', according to Jared many years ago.

So Jensen mentioned the budget and the ratings fizzling out as the reason for SPN's demise. The joint decision was not to an easy one because, according to Jensen, they had discussed it for years. So J2 don't want the show to end. They need to end the show with dignity before its too late and they lose too many viewers. I can understand that.

So whose fault is it that the show suffered from budget problems and dangerous future ratings?

Misha made a joke about SPN continuing without J2 and instead starring him and Richard, and Jensen gave a savage reply which I laughed at. Unfortunately hellers assume that I cant understand the joke. On the contrary, how do they know Jensen was joking? If Jensen says the budget and the fizzling ratings are the reasons for SPN ending, and he is smart man, then he has to place some blame on Misha for the expensive and pointless spinoff that made a dent in the budget and contributed to the potential drop in ratings due to the lack in new material for SPN.

Well, @kaitlyn7777 , the spinoff was Misha's doing. He badmouthed the show in 2013, during his panel, by convincing his own band on minions that SPN is a sexist show, and his top tier minions decided that having a female cast in a spinoff would be the way to rectify that grievous wrong. The reason why he wasn't fired for that was because Bob Singer is his backstop. Bob Singer is potentially the reason Castiel was brought back after being killed off in Season 7. Bob Singer and Andrew Dabb, Misha's fan boys gave the following joint statement about the ending: ''We’d like to give special thanks to Jensen, Jared and Misha for making this journey so special. It is now most important to us to give these characters that we love the send off they deserve”. Every other person from Pedowitz to Jeffrey Dean Morgan credited Jensen and Jared. These two bum boys had to mention SPN's most glorified part time actor.

Since S7, Castiel has been doing nothing meaningful on SPN. Season 8 to 13 could have easily been written without him. Despite being Misha's bum boys, even they knew how talentless he is, so they kept him on the show doing just enough to not damage the ratings. That is why despite the minion claims that Misha is pivotal to the success of SPN, he was never given lead status or more screen time. Castiel never got his own spinoff. That status has never changed because even the execs realize how unimportant this guy is. Castiel is one of the expensive dents in the budget. They are literally paying him to take up space.

Anyway, his fans started campaigning for an all-girl spinoff. The show execs, fearing bad publicity, decided to comply. Dabb and gang started sharing their own budget, time and talents between SPN and the new project. That is when Donna and Claire got written into canon so that they can move onto the spinoff when the time came. SPN's own storyline suffered because the writers simply could not give it the focus it needed. That would explain the ratings. Only Misha's fans were doing any kind of campaigning. The rest of us didn't think that SPN was racist, sexist, homophobic or whatever other accusation the minions wanted to fling at the show. Because the minions and their sock accounts, gave the illusion of a majority, CW thought that launching a new spin off will secure a new batch of viewers for the next 3 to 5 years at least. Just long enough to go into syndication.

Unfortunately, the spinoff bombed in the ratings, because twitter handles can be faked but ratings cant. And other casual viewers didn't want to watch a ''girl power'' show with lackluster, under talented young girls complete with forced femmeslash. The spinoff was understandably canned and minions started to campaign for its comeback. Mark Pedowitz announced the following: “I’ll say it again, if there was a spinoff to be had, I’d love to have it. That said, I’ve come to somewhat of a conclusion that the show is the two brothers.” The fact that the President of a Network, who is in charge of many other shows, has to step in to shut down further talks of a spinoff for this one show, can tell you what an annoying group the minions are.

With the spinoff in the crapper, SPN now had a bunch of characters they didn't know what to do with. Characters like Jody, Donna and Claire. SPN cant kill off these useless characters because girl power and misogyny and whatnot. So they have keep them on board. These people are expensive add-ons. In order to make place for them, SPN initially got rid of other characters like Bobby, Garth and Charlie. Now that SPN is stuck with them, more characters had to be removed including Crowley. According to Mark Sheppard, he and Misha Collins were told to take a 70% pay cut and lose their series regular status so that SPN could secure Alex Calvert and Pellegrino. Mark said no because the deal was insulting, but Misha said yes.

Its funny that they wanted to ''secure'' Alex and Pellegrino so desperately, but don't know what to do with their characters now. So the thing that makes me smirk is that I think they were hoping Misha will also say no like Mark did. They wanted to get rid of him. They cant fire him because Bob wont let them. They were hoping Misha will leave on his own. Unfortunately for them, Misha shamelessly took the offer. Plus, he needs Castiel for all his other ''projects'', so a pay cut didn't bug him. He is making a killing from Gish, because whether you like to admit it or not, Gish is business.

Because of that blunder on the part of the writers, now they are stuck with Alex and Pellegrino, in other words two extra expenses. Then [I blame the shitty writers for this because it makes no sense] they started bringing unnecessary old actors back, including Felicia, Osric, Jim Beaver and Samantha Smith. There is literally no reason for bringing back Mary. The only necessary character for a few seasons now, was Michael. All this character juggling happened because they didn't spend time and thought on SPN due to the spinoff that Misha wanted. Why did he want the spinoff? According to Ruth Connell, he wanted a new home for Castiel, just in case SPN shut down.

Misha was like the parasite that ate the show he was already on, from the inside out, in order to secure a future for himself. And I think Jensen knew about it all along. That joke was a fantasy of Misha and Jensen saw right through it. Misha would die of happiness if he had a show all for himself. Why do you he pushed destiel so much? Because it kept him close to Dean and therefore relevant.

https://deadline.com/2019/03/supernatural-to-end-after-season-15-on-the-cw-1202581010/

https://deadline.com/2019/01/supernatural-success-and-spinoff-potential-cw-tca-1202547014/

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crystalninjaphoenix · 5 years

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One Short Day

A JSE Fanfic

Yay, I wrote something that isn’t connected to pain for once in my life! Or at least, the most you get are hints and maybe a moment. I was planning on working on something else, but...I don’t know, I just felt like I needed something softer, and I’m sure there are people who need that too. So behold, an attempt at mostly-fluff! I just wanted to write the boys having fun out on the town, simple enough ^-^

It was rare that there was a full day they could all be together. A day where Schneep wasn’t working, Chase wasn’t recording, Marvin didn’t have a show, and Jackie didn’t have to bolt off at the last minute to do heroic vigilantism. A day where they could just do whatever they wanted, all of them, together.

They met up at Jackie’s apartment building. Naturally, JJ arrived first, then Schneep and Chase at about the same time. Just when they were starting to get worried, Marvin showed up, sprinting up to the group and skidding to a halt beside them.

“Late again, I see?” Jackie said when Marvin finally caught his breath. “Maybe we should just tell you we’re meeting thirty minutes earlier than we actually are.”

“Gimme a break.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “My phone was out of battery so I couldn’t check the time, then I got distracted.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “With what?”

“Um...” Marvin looked away, embarrassed. “I may have started playing Plague Inc...for an hour...or more.”

“Dude. Set a timer next time or something,” Chase said. “Ask JJ if you can borrow one of his watches if you have to, I dunno, anything.”

“Enough of this, we are wasting minutes,” Schneep said, checking his own watch. “Jackie decided what to do, what is it?”

Jackie immediately brightened. “Okay, so, we all know JJ hasn’t seen much of the town.” Everyone nodded. “So I thought we could give him the grand tour! Get lunch, go to the park, and I think the fair is open tonight so we can finish with that. That good with everyone?”

“So we’re just gonna walk all over town?” Chase asked. “Only two of us can drive, and none of us have a car right now.”

“Toughen up, Chase, walking’s good for you!” Marvin teased. “Right? Schneep, you’re a doctor, tell him I’m right.”

“He’s right,” Schneep said.

“See?!”

JJ snapped his fingers for attention. I thought we were wasting time? I certainly can’t lead the way, so I’ll ask one of you to.

“Right!” Jackie started off. “C’mon guys, lunch is waiting for us!”

They ended up at a local restaurant near the center of town called Kassie’s. It was a quaint little place, and since it was a warm day they decided to sit at a table outside. The chipper waitress gave them a plate of free fries, then took their order, and headed back inside.

“Is it just me, or is it kind of hot today?” Chase asked, fanning himself with some of the napkins.

“No, it’s not just you. God, I’m dying,” Jackie agreed.

“Jackie, you are not only wearing long sleeves, you are wearing two layers of them,” Schneep pointed out with a smile.

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Mr. Sweater-all-the-time!” Jackie rolled his eyes. “What about Jays? He’s got that vest/dress shirt on.”

JJ looked aghast. You four can run around and show your arms all you like, but I’ll have you know it isn’t proper for a gentleman!

“Are you implying we aren’t gentlemen?” Marvin asked, right before tossing a fry into the air and catching it in his mouth.

JJ raised an eyebrow. Indeed.

“I don’t care, it’s hot. I’m taking this off.” With a few flailing arms, Jackie pulled his hoodie over his head and tugged it off, revealing a Marvel-themed T-shirt underneath. “Ah. That’s better.” He looked around to see the others staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“Holy shit, Jackie!” Chase yelled. “Your arm!”

“Wh—oh fuck I forgot I was wearing short sleeves today.” Jackie looked down at his left arm. “Yeah, okay, I got scars, you can look all you want.”

“So that’s why I’ve never seen you in T-shirts,” Marvin realized. “Jackie, what the fuck happened?”

Jackie frowned, then coughed awkwardly. “Y’know...I’d rather not talk about it right now. Maybe later. Besides, Schneep already knows the story. ‘S how we met.”

“Honestly, you three are making mountains out of mole hills,” Schneep said. “Is fine now. You should see his torso, now those are scars.”

That only made the other three look more worried. Jackie sighed. “Look, guys, we’re having a fun day. We’re gonna have fun, and not gonna get all concerned, though I do appreciate it. And you—” he glared at Schneep “—need to stop saying that, ‘cause it makes it sound like I lost some epic battle instead of just having top surgery.”

Chase and Marvin relaxed in unison. “I’m still convinced you have, I dunno, fucking bullet scars or something,” Marvin muttered as Chase pulled the remains of the fries towards him.

“Oh yeah, but Schneep’s talking about the surgery. He’s done this before, and it’s no longer funny!” Jackie looked pointedly at Schneep when saying that last part, who just responded with a massive grin.

JJ was the only one who still looked concerned, but now that was paired with confusion. He looked around at the others. What is top surgery?

You could almost hear the hiss as the others all inhaled sharply in unison. They’d all forgotten for a moment that JJ didn’t know. Schneep cleared his throat. “Jackie, would you like to explain?”

“Right yeah. God, where do I start with this?” There was a slight pause in the conversation as the waitress returned with their food. The moment she was out of earshot, Jackie started up again. “Alright, so...” he leaned forward, hands clasped together, eyes wide and nervous. “You know how I call myself Jackieboy Man, right?”

JJ nodded. A moniker I never understood, but yes.

“Well, I didn’t always call myself that. Neither did anyone else. Because, well, they all thought that...I was a, uh, girl. Even I did. For the longest time I just sort of...accepted it. I only started to figure it out in high school. I got my first job, and one of the customers called me ‘that nice lady,’ and hearing it...just sort of surprised me. Like someone gave the wrong answer to a really easy test question. So...I started thinking, and eventually I realized that I wasn’t...actually a girl. That was when I renamed myself.”

JJ didn’t look any less confused. Why would they not understand that? Wouldn’t they be able to...see that you are not?

Jackie winced. “Well, no...you see, I...fuck.” Jackie put his head in his hands, took a deep breath, then looked up again. “I was born...in the wrong body. Top surgery is...it’s to get rid of the parts I didn’t want. Are you...are you getting this now?”

After a moment, JJ’s eyes widened. He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay. Good. Great.” Jackie sighed. “I don’t know if this word existed in the twenties, but nowadays we have ‘transgender’ as...a thing. When someone is something other than what their body is born as. I’m still a he. Or, just, anything but she, really. Literally call me anything but a girl. And please, don’t ask about what my name was before. Or what’s...down there. Those questions make me...really uncomfortable.”

My good man! JJ signed. Why would I do such a rude thing? And to my dear friend, nonetheless.

Jackie’s shoulders slumped. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled in relief. He’d been dreading this conversation, but better to rip the bandaid off now. “Thanks, man. I...appreciate your understanding.”

JJ smiled. No trouble at all, Jackie! I may not fully grasp the concept, but that’s no reason to disrespect your wishes.

“If you want, I can answer questions. Just...later. And as long as you get I don’t represent everyone who’s trans.”

JJ nodded and gave a thumbs-up. There was silence for a moment, before Chase broke it by saying “Hey, guys, I made a Jenga tower out of fries.”

Schneep rolled his eyes, and immediately knocked over Chase’s tower.

“Aw you bitch!” Chase gasped. “You didn’t even play the game right!”

“Fuck your games. Actually eat the food like it’s supposed to be.”

“You’re just jealous cause you got a salad instead.”

“Maybe I am! Did you think of that?!”

“Dude, I just said I did!”

The rest of lunch was covered in the blanket of familiar banter. Jackie smiled to himself. God, he was so glad nothing changed.

About two hours later, the boys had made their way to the southern part of the city. That was where the park was. It had an official name, but everyone just called it “the park” because there was only one of them and it was shorter. The park itself was pretty big, with trees, paths, flowerbeds, and two playgrounds at either end.

Since it was the middle of the afternoon, there were quite a few families with young children hanging around, parents watching their kids climb all over the jungle gyms and pushing them on the swings. While Marvin and Jackie walked ahead, pulling JJ with them and talking his ears off, Chase and Schneep hung back a bit. Chase was staring at the families on the playground.

“Chase? Are you okay?” Schneep asked gently.

“Yeah...yeah, I’m fine. It’s not a down day.” Schneep gave him a Look. “No, really! It’s just...y’know, seeing all the kids kinda bums me out. You know?”

“Of course I do, Chase,” Schneep said. He was probably the only one of the boys who did. “If you are feeling upset, you can go home.”

“No! God, no, that’s not what I meant at all. This has been good so far. I don’t want it to end.” Chase frowned. “Now I’m just...man. I’m starting to lose it.”

“Chase.” Schneep grabbed his hand. “If you are not enjoying yourself, we can always go do something more quiet. We would hate to push you to do something you are not up to.”

Chase considered it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, it’s not too bad. It helps that you guys are here, I think. But I’ll let you know...if it gets too much.”

Schneep gave him a long look, before finally judging that everything was alright. “Okay. You have to do that, or I am going to break into your home at night and yell at you for lying.”

“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” Chase laughed. He looked down at their clasped hands. “You’re not worried people are gonna think we’re a couple, then?”

“What? Oh. Is there no such thing as regular hand-holding in this country?! Besides, it should not fucking matter. Also you are not my type anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re not mine, either. You’re a guy.” Chase and Schneep both had a good laugh at that.

Marvin looked over his shoulder at the two of them. “Are you two gonna walk fast or what?”

“Or what,” Chase said with a smirk.

“Oh, you’re hilarious. A fucking comedic genius. Hey guys!” he said that last part to Jackie and JJ. “We’re gonna slow down so these two assholes can join us.”

“Marvin, how dare you,” Schneep said, mock-offended. “At least be more creative in your insulting us.”

“No.” The two mini-groups merged together to form the main group once again. “So what’re you two talking about?”

“Chase is worried that hand-holding makes a couple,” Schneep tattled.

“Bullshit,” Marvin stated. Jackie went “yeah!” in the background. JJ frowned at the use of language, but nodded. “What makes a couple is the kissing. And romantic interest in each other, which leads to the former.”

“You say, having not been on a date in at least five months,” Jackie muttered.

“Shut your stupid face, you...lovely person.” Marvin pulled his wand out of his pocket and twirled it, like he did when he was nervous. “We’ve all been kinda busy lately.”

“Yeah...that’s true,” Jackie sighed. “But maybe if you went out more, you could find someone you could go out with. Just once, if a commitment isn’t your thing right now.”

Marvin frowned. “Why in the wide world of wingmen would I go on a date once deliberately?”

“A night of fun?” Schneep suggested.

“With a complete stranger that I have no interest in? No. I need to have some intrigue in whoever they end up being.”

“None of you are gonna get anywhere with him,” Chase said. “He doesn’t get one-night stands.”

“Damn right I don’t! There’s no point!”

And it just seems improper, JJ signed. If you aren’t going to court someone, don’t approach them at all.

“Marvin! You have an ally!” Jackie gasped.

“Good. Finally, someone who agrees with me.” Marvin held up his hand and, after a moment of figuring out, JJ high-fived it. “Yeah! There we go, you got it!”

Jackie checked the time on his phone. “Alright, it’s starting to get a bit late. If we want to get enough time at the fair, we’re gonna have to book it to the eastern side.”

They didn’t actually run the whole way there, despite Jackie wanting to. By the time they got to the fair the sun was starting to set. They bought tickets and headed inside, where the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster towered over the smaller rides and the carnival games. It was a weekday, but it was one of the first days the fair was open, so the fairgrounds were crowded but not packed.

Chase gasped. “Games. We can do the games first.”

You do realized they’re all rigged, right? JJ asked.

“Who cares? They’re fun! Games now.”

Soon, the others started to suspect that the reason Chase was so eager to play games was because he knew he would win every time. The dude was scarily good. A combination of sheer luck, skill, and fuck-it-let’s-take-a-chance-ness led to many more victories than the others, something Marvin and Schneep immediately called him out for.

“You are cheating, I am sure of it!” Schneep huffed, folding his arms.

“Nah, just have a knack for it. And, in this case, practice.” Chase tossed one of the wooden balls back and forth while he waited for the carnival worker to hand him his prize. “Ya gotta aim for a bit above the spot where the third jug sits on top of the other two, then throw hard. It’s a bit of an arc.”

“No, you’re a cheater,” Marvin asserted, muttering darkly.

“Aw, c’mon! Here, will this make you less salty?” Chase accepted his stuffed prize from the worker, then handed it right over to Marvin. “I got it for you! You like cats.”

Marvin glared down at the plushie. “You’re lucky it has a cute face,” he said.

“See?!” Chase smiled. He was actually having a good time. It was a good change of pace from the park.

Eventually, everyone had a prize except for JJ. They were running out of games to play, but then Jackie spotted one of those ‘find the ball under the shuffling cups.’ “Hey guys, you up for that one?”

JJ brightened. I’m actually quite skilled at those!

“Well, then, let’s go!” Jackie pulled him over, the others in tow.

The carnival worker was calling out the rules of the game. “You get one, you win one of these lovely roses, you get two in a row, you win one of these tiny fellows here, and you get three in a row, you win one of these adorable penguins! Step right up, step right up!”

“Hey!” Jackie waved to get the worker’s attention. “We want to play!”

“Well then, young sirs, the rules are simple. Keep your eye on the ball, see right here, right here, it’s under the middle cup. Now watch as I take the cup this way, then that, then this and oh look at that! It’s goin’ fast, it’s goin’ fast don’t lose it don’t lose it! Now, which one is the ball under?”

Jackie was fairly sure he knew where it was, but he turned to JJ anyway. “So, which one?” he asked.

JJ bit his lip, then reached forward to point at one of the cups...only for the worker to slap his hand away. “I’m sorry sir, please don’t touch the cups. To prevent tamperin’, see? Just tell me.”

JJ looked a bit stunned at the worker’s aggressive tone. But he signed It’s under the left one.

“Excuse me?”

“He says it’s under the left one,” Marvin jumped in.

“...ah, I see.” The worker lifted up the cup to reveal the ball. “Seems you were right. Do you want to try again?”

The boys glanced uneasily between each other. The worker’s tone had dropped from the polite-carnival talk to one that was a bit...short. She was also talking much slower than she was before, drawing out the vowel sounds. “He can hear you perfectly fine,” Chase said. “He just can’t talk.”

“Mmm...I see...” The worker pursed her lips. “Do you want to try again?”

They all nodded. The worker was silent this time as she shuffled the cups, faster than before. When she stopped, she looked at Jackie. “Which one is the ball under?”

Jackie had a vague idea where, but he wasn’t sure. “JJ, do you know?”

The left one again, JJ signed, less enthusiastically.

“The left,” Jackie translated.

The worker frowned as she revealed the ball under the left cup. “You boys aren’t cheating, are you? Those weird gestures seem like symbols.”

Marvin laughed bitterly. “Yeah, they’re symbols alright. They stand for words. Do you not know how sign language fucking works? He’s telling us the answers ‘cause he’s the best one at it. Now let’s do this one more time.”

The worker shuffled the cups impossibly fast. Once more, she asked Jackie where the ball was. This time, he had no idea, and just looked at JJ. JJ, in turn, stiffened a bit, eyes hardening. It’s under the right one, though I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak it up her sleeve.

“Right,” all the boys said in unison.

The worker reluctantly lifted up the rightmost cup to show the ball sitting underneath. “Congratulations,” she said dully. “You win one of the big prizes. What color do you want?”

Turquoise, JJ signed. “Turquoise,” Jackie translated.

They walked away from the booth in silence. After a few moments of walking, Marvin said, “I could totally put a curse on her.”

“No,” Jackie said firmly.

“Just one little spell. She can lose her voice for a week.”

JJ shook his head, then tucked his prize under his arm so he could use his hands to sign. Revenge is never the best answer.

“It’s what she deserves!” Marvin snarled. “She was making that difficult on purpose. I saw her, she was going much slower with the customers before us. JJ, I’m so absolutely sorry on her behalf, cause god knows she’s not gonna fucking apologize.”

It’s okay, JJ insisted. Believe it or not, I’ve faced worse, especially in my day. They were much less friendly back then.

“I am sure you are not using that word in the correct meaning,” Schneep mumbled.

Marvin shoved his hand into the pocket containing his wand. “One hex. Come on. Just one. I won’t even make her ears fall off or anything.”

Everyone refused to let Marvin curse the carnival worker, and he reluctantly relented. At this point, they’d finished with the games, and all that was left were the rides. They took turns, one or two of them sitting out to watch the accumulated prizes while the others spun and flew and then stumbled off the rides. After trying most of the rides out, they took a snack break for ice cream and cotton candy.

“I think the Ferris wheel is the only one left,” Jackie said. “Unless we want to catch that sideshow thing. There’s supposed to be magicians—”

“Fake,” Marvin interrupted.

“—clowns, animals, and they advertised a knife-thrower—”

Schneep nearly choked on his ice cream. “No.”

“Okay, got it. No show then.” Jackie nodded. “But I’m not too sure about the Ferris wheel. I know at least one of us is afraid of heights.”

“Yeah, uh, me.” Chase bit his lip. “But I think I’ll be fine if I don’t look over the edge. Unless someone else doesn’t want to go on it, then I’ll stay off with them.”

“I’m good,” Jackie said. “Schneep? Marv? Either of you scared of heights?” Both of them shook their heads. “Alright. JJ?”

JJ signed, A bit, but after all these dizzy rides, I’ll take something calm like the Ferris wheel, if you please.

“Alright. Guess we’re going on the wheel, then!”

Night had truly fallen by this point. The Ferris wheel wasn’t exceptionally tall, but it still rose above everything else in the fair, providing a fantastic view of the colored lights below. Instead of having the traditional two-person seats, this wheel had booths that could fit up to eight people, so all the boys fit into one just fine. The wheel turned, and the booth turned with it. Chase squirmed, resolutely not looking over the side. Jackie and Marvin did the exact opposite, practically leaning out of the booth to look down below.

JJ tapped Schneep, signing something real quick. Schneep nodded, then yelled “Can you two stop that?! You are going to fall out of the fucking side, and you are making Jamie nervous.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jackie sat back down.

“Aww,” Marvin groaned, but pulled back into his seat. “I hope you know I do this for you, JJ.”

JJ smiled. Thank you, it’s appreciated. And I’m sure your body feels the same way, having narrowly avoided a fall to great injury.

“Nah, I would’ve been fine.”

The wheel stopped. Their booth was right at the top. “Oh, fuck,” Chase muttered, covering his eyes with his hands.

“You know, you didn’t have to come,” Jackie said quietly. “We would’ve been alright letting you stay down on the ground.”

Chase peeked between his hands. “I know. But...it’s really nice up here. Quiet. And with just you guys. As long as I ignore the distance from the ground, I’m good. You’re my friends, you know, and you make everything better.”

“Oh, Chase,” Marvin gasped. “That’s...really sweet!”

“What? Didn’t think we where friends?”

“It’s...always nice to be reminded.” Marvin smiled softly.

Well then consider this your reminder, Marvin! JJ wiggled his mustache happily. I consider you all my friends, maybe even family. You are all wonderful people and I love having you in my life!

“Nooo, stop.” It was hard to see in the dark, only lit up by the lightbulbs on the Ferris wheel, but it was possible that Marvin was actually blushing.

“You know what? I love you guys.” Jackie grinned. “Not afraid to admit it! Best friends I’ve ever had.”

Schneep cleared his throat. “Yes, I feel the same. You are all great people, and I am fortunate to have met you. I...love you as well.”

“Aaaahck!” Marvin appeared to be trying to fold into himself. “Too much love! Fatality!”

Chase chuckled. “Marvin! Accept our love!”

We love you, Marvin! JJ signed eagerly. Now you have to say it back!

Marvin made a strange sort of groaning exhale before inhaling deeply, calming down. “Yeah...I—I love you guys too. God, I love you guys so much. You should all know that.”

“There we go!” Jackie said, triumphant. “Marvin, you are, truly, the emotionally constipated one. And I thought Schneep was the worst.”

“Excuse me?!” Schneep gasped. “I assure you I am very love-sharing. I just do not use words too much because they are complicated.”

“Understandable,” Chase shrugged. “I can barely speak half the time, and I was born in English.”

I thought you were born in Ireland, JJ signed, amused.

“Oh, you know what I mean!”

The Ferris wheel started lowering, stopping and starting as it let passengers off. The boys stepped out of the booth and onto land once again.

JJ yawned. I must say that I’m rather tired after all this. I think it’s time we go home.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it,” Jackie agreed.

“You all are weak!” Marvin countered. “I’m good for another couple hours.”

“Watch you crash immediately upon entering your room,” Chase laughed.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I think JJ is right,” Jackie said. “It’s time to go home.”

Schneep nodded. “Yes, I could stay up longer, but I have morning shift tomorrow so I should not push my luck. I will see you all later?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Course, dude!”

“Definitely.”

Count on it!

With that, they left the fair. Eventually they split up, each heading their own separate ways until they eventually got to wherever they were staying that night. Some went to sleep immediately, some stayed up a bit later, but eventually they all went to bed.

And when they decided to do it, none of them had trouble for once.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #jackieboy man #marvin the magnificent #chase brody #dr schneeplestein #jameson jackson #brigid writes fanfiction

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alitoowell · 6 years

Text

One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017. It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility. In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible. But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable. People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME. Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd. So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened. Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house? I got to hug her? Dance with her? And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it? That seems unbelievable. And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that. But Taylor does. My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there. The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately. In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017. Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!! Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream. Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet??? She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn’t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me. Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade. I love you forever, babe. Long, long live October 22, 2017.

#mine #my secret session experience #you're welcome isabell #10.22.17 #reputation secret sessions

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oursensoryworld · 5 years

Text

The Introduction

Hello Tumblr

My name is Jessica

I am 32 also a single mum with a beautiful 4 year old son. Ok so just a warning my grammar is horrible so please be kind. lol I always wanted to write a blog but never had the confidence to do so. Except for today.. When I thought to myself stuff it!! Maybe someone wants to listen to me talk crap, or is going through simular things. Needless to say I need an outlet. OK!

For the point of this introduction, I will start with when my son was 9 months old, and what happened after that.

We all lived in a beautiful little beach town. It was truly paradise! I would ride my bike to work some days, and think to myself how did I get so lucky.

Now you are probably thinking why would you leave then?

I moved back to my parents house after getting home from work one night, and my sons father was drunk again. When I got home He was hostile and dangerous. I tried to kick him out to sober up, but he told me that it was his house and I had not right.

I couldn't take one more second. Called my dad to get my car and I was on the first flight out with my son.

At first It was a welcome move. I was so happy to have the support that I needed. I had been working 40 hours per week plus the house and baby care. My son would wake at least 7 times per night.

Oh dear lord it was horrible. Did I mention the constant crying unless he was being held!

sounds like most babies right? that's what I thought, just normal motherhood not to worry. Just suck it up I would tell myself.

Through the heartbreak of leaving my sons father, I slowly picked up the pieces of my heart, and tried to glue it back together. Many nights of wine, and crying were had by me. its kind of funny now when I look back on it.

At the time though WOW!! What a mess I was.

Little did I know the other struggles, that I would soon be faced with, would test me much more than a little break up ever could.

Still took me 3 years to move on from loving my sons dad though.

So here I am ready to begin again. I found a lovely family day care for my son to attend while I went out to look for work. Everything seemed fine for awhile, just normal motherhood dramas.

My son was 22months when I got the first phone call, that he has been hitting his head against the wall and the floor. Just banging it!

I was told by his day care teacher that she was worried, as she had never seen a child do this before in all her years of caring for children. So my first reaction was have I done something wrong?

Could it be a reaction to my stress causing my son to react this way? All the blaming myself thoughts came flooding in. I had no idea why he was doing this.

Not to mention, that for some time he wasn't making eye contact, or responding to his name being called.

This wasn't my biggest concern at the time, as he was only little. In my mind, I thought he is just a late bloomer.

As my first and only child, I didn't have any thing to compare it to.

I thought he will just grow out of it, or it would just go away.

I took him to Many Drs for their opinions. Most said the same thing. “could be an ear infection, or sinus problem so don't worry too much”

His day care teacher, and my mother sat me down and said “we think he has Autism” My first response “What he is only 22 months old! how can you know that he has autism when he is so young. I didn't believe them, or want to. So I ignored it and continued on.

My son celebrated his first birthday, it was a happy day. it was 40 degrees that day, but we were prepared. There were 3 kids pools, and plenty of shaded areas.

This is when I noticed little difference's in my sons behaviour and other children, of same age, or even younger. For instance the eye contact. The way they would look engaged with their parent. The way they played with other children, and not alone.

Its really had to describe, and probably a poor choice of word but, a maturity difference is the way I would describe it.

As he grew, he became very violent towards me, and other children. Always biting, hitting and throwing toys across the room was a daily occurrence. It became difficult for him to stay in family day care, for the safety of the other children.

It was insane, I tried to talk to him, I took advice from what felt like a million people. Drs, parents, helplines, support groups you name it, I tried it.

I would say to my friends, How could a child that gets so much love be so aggressive? I was googling one day as you do, and I came across a well known clinic that specialises in children with Autism.

I took him to the Dr again! This time feeling confused and hopeless. =( At home I would cop at least 50 punches, and several bites all over my body everyday. So it was go time!!

I got the referral, and we went to the Clinic.My son walked in and was on his best behaviour of course. lol

She sat and played some games with him, the whole process went for about an hour. She then sat down and talked to me.

The first thing she said, still to this day sticks in my mind. She said “when I first met your son, he seemed to be fine for his age. As the games went on, I noticed lots of things that are very concerning”

She then explained to me what her findings were. Have you ever noticed that when you are playing a game with him, when he runs into a bit of trouble, he will pull your hand to grab what he needs. Without words and no eye contact.

I replied sure. All the time.

She then told me many more things, that I will go into detail in other writings. I was speechless..

Now I love my son the way he is, and have nothing against Autism. At the time though I was uneducated, and when the words fell from her lips,

“ I believe your son has a significant Autism”

My jaw hit the floor. I asked her what does that mean for him? then said, I thought that was normal. I thought a lot of the things he did were perfectly normal.

I use the word “normal” as just a word, not an indication that I think my son or any person on the spectrum isn't normal. Just thought I would put that out there, in case your reading this thinking (bitch please! who are you calling not normal) lol

The feeling of not knowing what to do when you have just received that in her clinical opinion, and feeling so alone.

I got to the car and just cried. The main thought that ran through my head, was just worries for my darling son. Worrying will life be hard for him. What do I even do with this information. Who do I call for help? should I call for help? I racked my brain trying to figure out the answer.

I just felt like I was sort of going in circles.

One of the major turning points for me was.

I was at the Drs one day, and my son had a massive meltdown. He bit my shoulder so hard he drew blood. The pain was so intense, it startled me so much that I dropped him. I still feel so bad about that!

I don't know what came over me. I started whaling and crying so much, in front of everyone. I curled myself up in the foetal position right in the middle of the surgery floor. As my son just walked around the surgery like nothing had happened.

Now when I think of that tragically embarrassing moment, I just laugh.

The receptionist came over to me, she was this little old lady. She wrapped her arms around me.

She gave me the biggest hug, and said “its ok darling, your doing a wonderful job”

That day I got the referral to my local hospital, to see the top childhood Dr

I was very relieved. I would get some answers! For a second opinion, and this lady is apparently the top Dr

We arrived at our local hospital. Now as you may have guessed, or have experience with.

My son is not one for public places and sitting still, he can usually sit still for a total of zero seconds. So when making an appointment its helpful if the Dr is running on time.

This was not the case! she was running 2 hours late!!

I kept asking when is it our turn? I chased my son around the hospital at least 6 times. We got asked to wait in an outside locked space because he was screaming so loudly. it was a nightmare!! My anxiety was through the Roof..

The looks I got from other patients, Its like I could hear their thoughts as the glared at me with their judging eyes and cats bum faces.

All I could hear was, cant control your child, or what a little shit or such bad mother!

You name it! I heard it.. Without anyone of them saying a word. You know the expression a look can say a thousand words, or something like that.

We finally!!!!! got called in, at this point he was over tired and so was I.

The Dr was an older woman with short blond hair. She spoke with an almost regal tone to he voice.

I thought this woman will have the answer for sure. She asked me a series of questions, and examined my son. I was truthfully scared to answer some of the questions, in fear of more judgment.

In hindsight as a mother, we tend to blame ourselves for the silliest things.

I have later learnt its called mothers guilt. Its a bastard of a thing. Anyway getting back to the Dr visit.

Sorry about that little tangent, I do that.

She said to me have you ever heard of a disorder called ODD? I replied No.. What is ODD? She said it is an acronym for something called Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

WHATTTT!!!!!! Now I was angry! I said to her, I came here for help! Not for you to give my son a made up diagnoses.

I then asked her, so how do I fix this ODD? She said there is no cure. What do you mean there is no cure?

She suggested to a program called the PPP Parenting course. That will give you coping strategies, you can learn as a parent, thus in turn help you to control your boys ODD. um NO!

If it was that easy why the hell do you think I'm here!!

Do Drs like you get off on this just giving a child that doesn't quite fit a made up label? Or telling parents that they need to do a parenting program! in order to fix a Neurological disorder. WTF... lol

I practically ran out the door, I couldn't believe the absolute BS I had just been fed. I was driving home shaking my head thinking the nerve of this woman.

I will say this again, its so funny looking back on all of this, its the kind of funny that you laugh and then cringe.

I got home, got my son out of the car, as he is pulling my hair out of my head. =(

So far I have your son has sever autism, and some made up Disorder. well at the time I thought that (speaking in past tense)

So what did I do? I will tell you.

I did what any normal parent does, ask Dr Google =)

Slowly typing in the search bar (What is ODD?) As my finger presses down on the enter button, I am then bombarded with Youtube vids and pages and pages of ODD info.

At this moment I'm like WOW, ODD is really a thing. I feel dumb now. Awkward for me, But holy shit this doesn't look fun. No offence but ODD sucks! I mean that with much love to parents out there. Its in short , everything you say your child fights you. They are violent and just exactly what its called.

I could keep talking and writing for days, but I will wrap it up now with a to be continued!

If you read this and this and this is where you are at in this moment.

I want you to know you are not alone. I wont lie, the road is a long and tough one. if no one has told you your doing a good job. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. XX Part 2 will come shortly, let me know what you think? be kind lol

Take care. From J

#autism #sensorydisorders #ODD #singlemums #parentswithkidsonthespecturm #lifescurveballs #mystory #sensorykids

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lostinfic · 6 years

Note

I would love to read an Alec Hardy fic that involved him recieving oral. I think about that a lot. 😳

Anonymous said to lostinfic: 31/38 hardyxhannah

#31 Spanking

#38 Ownership/claiming/marking → already written

A/N: I tried to write this as in character as possible, so… yeah, it’s interesting

➜ Kink flashfiction

Ao3

It wasn’t planned. Far from it. But she supposed it had always been on her mind, ever since her failed foray into domination. She didn’t have it in herself to flog another human being, but she had envied the blissed out look on these men’s face as they submitted completely. But at that point, there was no one she trusted enough to even try this particular fetish.

It first happened two years into their friendship. A sporadic relationship that admittedly didn’t make any sense, yet somehow they just “got” one another.

She’d lost a boyfriend and had a big row with Ben. Her clients annoyed her to no end, and the men she hooked up with at night failed to make her come.

She felt scattered.

She couldn’t stand herself, yet felt very far from her own body.

So she went to Hardy.

Tess had taken Daisy out of town to see her parents. He was busy tearing rotten planks out of the patio behind the house.

The midday sun beat down over them, lending a hazy glow to the air. Mirage heat.

Hannah pulled the hem of her t-shirt through the collar and sat in the sun.

With a hand over her eyes, she watched him push on a crowbar until the plank cracked then pull it off with his bare hands.

“Don’t you ever stop working?” she asked.

“It’s cathartic.”

He threw the plank away.

“Maybe I should try that.”

“You’re more than welcome to help,” he said, wiping his forehead with his arm.

“Nah.”

“Why are you here anyway?”

She tried to explain what had happened with Ben and her boyfriend, and how she felt. It was a stream of consciousness more than a conversation.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Dunno what you want me to say, Han.”

“Could you give me a hug?”

After a moment of hesitation, he ditched the crowbar and wiped his hands on his worn out jeans. He tried to avoid touching her bare skin, but Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck so he had no choice but to hug her waist.

His skin smelled like salt and wood chips. His hands were rough.

“Better?” he asked.

It wasn’t enough. Like a spider web to tether a zeppelin, she might drift off any second.

“Tighter,” she asked.

His fingers reached for her ribs. Their chests expanded for breath alternately. In and out. From one to the other.

He rested his cheek atop her head. Closed his eyes. Allowed himself 10 seconds of respite.

“It’s only guilt you’re feeling,” he said.

She pushed him off.

“Just because you’re feeling guilty all the time doesn’t mean I am.”

Hardy reeled from the sudden backlash.

“I can live with my sins. I can live with who I am,” she insisted.

“You sure about that?”

“You think you’ve got me all figured out.”

“What d’you want from me?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you here then?”

She should leave. But she couldn’t go. She stayed there, breathing raggedly, teeth and fists clenched. Her nails bit into her palms. She pressed them harder.

“Han?” There was genuine concern in his voice.

“I need a spanking,” she blurted out.

Hitting another person went against everything he believe in, but she convinced him. There was something about Hardy, he was a policeman and strived to do the right thing, from the beginning of their friendship he had been her rock. No one else would do.

Whereas she needed to give up control, he needed to regain some— especially when he was with Hannah.

It was bond to be awkward at first. The smacks were too light, and even though she'd asked for it she fought him. But when they both gave in, the relief was instantaneous. The pain grounded her, and made her feel absolved.

They didn’t talk about it afterwards. Not until she found herself feeling all out of sorts again the following year. Although she was reluctant to ask, this time she knew what the solution was.

After that, with each spanking session, it became easier to submit. It reset things between them, reaffirmed their trust and care for each other,

It became more pleasurable too. The proximity, the intimacy. If Hardy noticed her arousal, he never mentioned it.

It didn’t happen often, only a handful of times across the years, but he recognized the signs now. She would get restless and moody, snarkier than usual. A behaviour designed to push him away, not because she disliked him but because, sometimes, she disliked herself. He knew that now.

Like today. He'd spent the weekend in London with her and was about to leave for Broadchurch. She'd been acting strange since his divorce.

“Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care,” Hannah shouted.

“I will.”

“Fine. Piss off!”

As she left the room, Hardy instinctively grabbed her arm. She looked at his hand, then at his face with a frown. He had never initiated it before. For the first time, he knew what she needed before she did herself.

“You’ve been bad,” he said.

Hannah swallowed thickly.

He gave her time to think, to voice her objection if need be. She hung her head.

“Over my knees. Now.”

Hardy let go of her arm and sat down on the couch. He patted his lap. He kept his voice steady and level, he never raised it, never threatened or tried to scare her.

Hannah shuffled over. Everything in her rebelled against this, even if she wanted it.

She knew he was right. Ever since he'd left Tess, she'd hoped for things she didn't dare admit even to herself. And when this weekend with him didn't turn out the way she'd dreamed, she took her frustration out on him.

“C’mon,” he said with a hint of impatience in his voice; it was part of his role.

Hannah placed herself across his knees, her cheek on the velvet couch and her feet dangling on the other side. He crossed her wrists behind her back and held them in one hand. An uncomfortable and unsteady position, completely at his mercy, but secured by his firm grasp.

As he’d learned to do, he squeezed her butt cheeks over her shorts to increase the blood flow and prevent bruises. She tried to squirm out of his hold, but this too was part of their roles.

“Why do I need to spank you today?” he asked.

She didn’t answer so he landed the first slap over her bum. She jolted in his lap with a fake cry of pain.

“Answer me.”

“No.”

He tugged down her shorts and knickers, then rained little slaps all across her bum and the back of her thighs. Tension started leaving her body. Her fists unclenched as her cheeks reddened.

“Because I’m being a brat.”

“Aye.” He spanker her again. “And?”

This was the hardest for her to admit. It took three more spanks.

“Hannah?”

“Because I don’t really want you to go,” she mumbled.

He slapped both cheeks hard.

“Properly,” he demanded.

“Because I don’t really want you to go,” she said louder.

“Well done.”

He stroked her hair gently.

He had mixed feelings about seeing her like that, he loved his strong, confident Hannah, he’d rather she didn’t drive herself to these extremes, but felt privileged that she let herself be vulnerable with him.

She turned her head and nuzzled his palm. She was already in a sort of daze, the world around her forgotten.

“Make it hurt,” she asked in a soft voice.

When his hand left her face, she braced herself for the spanks to come. He had her count them out loud, to keep her in the moment, otherwise she forgot her limits.

All her nerves were on fire. She was panting and moaning, trying to avoid yet asking for more. Harsh slaps alternated with soothing caresses in an unpredictable pattern. The vibrations echoed between her legs. Each one kindled the fire in the pit of her stomach.

She widened her legs.

Did she even realize she was doing it? He tried not to look, but the glistening shades of pink were too alluring. He shifted under her— she was writhing too close to his groin. This was for her, not for him.

He slapped her inner thighs, and she clamped them shut.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

“No you’re not.”

She whimpered and tried to stay still. In this state, it didn’t even occur to her to shift position and seek the release she needed.

“Almost done. Can you take two more?”

“Yes, please.”

He spanked her twice, the hardest ones that echoed through the living room.

He released her wrists but kept a firm grip on her or else she would slump to the floor.

Hannah was high on whatever chemicals her brain released in these moments. The fact that he’d initiated the spanking had made the session even more intense for her. But she needed more.

She spread her legs again.

His breath hitch.

She canted her hips, pressing her pubic bone against his knee.

“Please.”

When he didn’t speak, she looked up at him and he remembered his role.

“Do you think you deserve it after acting like a brat?”

She surprised him by sliding to the floor between his legs. Her face was flushed, her eyes glazed over.

“I want to be good for you,” she said.

She ran her hands up this thighs, looking up at him with wide doe eyes. Her mouth followed the same path as her hands, and he hardened at the feel of her hot breath through his trousers.

“You don’t have to…” he said weakly.

“I want to. You're always there when I need you and you never asked for anything in return.”

This wasn't entirely true, but any rational though exited his brain when she unfastened his belt and unzipped his fly. She stroked him over the cotton of his pants.

He wasn’t fully hard, he’d been too focused on her, but it all came rushing to his groin the moment she touched him.

She grinned when he twitched under her palm. She looked more like herself now with a challenging twinkle in her eyes. Her fingertips slipped through the opening and grazed his length.

Shocked, he didn’t move and held his breath.

“Hardy?”

“Hm?”

“What should I do?”

Right, he was still in control.

“I don’t think you want to be good, you’re being a tease.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Then use your mouth.”

She nodded.

There was a single-minded determination to the way she licked and kissed him to full hardness. A sort of adoration he’d never been on the receiving end of.

When she wrapped her lips fully around the tip, he threw his head back and groaned. She focused on the head, swirling her tongue around and pressing it to the sensitive underside. She slipped her hands under his shirt, caressing his taut stomach. He fisted the couch cushions.

“Keep going.”

She took him, gagging deep.

“Careful. Slow down, love.”

He twisted her long blond hair around his fist and guided her rhythm. She hummed and closed her eyes, giving herself entirely to the task. Her warm tongue swirled around on the way up, her lips squeezed on the way down. His engorged glistened with saliva and lip gloss. She rubbed her thighs together.

It came as no surprise that she was extremely good at this. He chased away the nagging doubt that it was all an act, that she did it that way for clients too.

“Han,” he whispered like a prayer.

He caressed her cheek, and she released him with a pop just long enough to kiss his palm and offer a brilliant smile.

His pleasure escalated too quickly. He tapped her head to warn her, but she kept on sucking. He burst in her mouth with a grunt.

She continued to suckle as he softened, and he had to stop her when he became too sensitive.

She rested her head on his knee as he recovered.

He could have professed his love right then.

“Come here.”

He helped her to her feet, and she sat on his lap. He traced light patterns on her inner thigh, inching higher. He gave her time to change her mind, but even there her skin was slick.

“Kiss me,” he said. It was more a question than a command.

Any doubt that he’d overstepped the boundaries vanished when she cupped his cheeks and kissed him deeply. With a hand on the back of her neck, he didn’t let her break the kiss when he grazed her slit.

He moved slowly in and out, then added a second finger, keeping up the pace, then pressed the heel of his hand. The kiss turned messy and savage. Her juices coated his hand. Wet noises echoed in the room. His fingers moved quickly. He wanted her to see stars.

She clung to him, her nails left red crescents on his freckled skin.

She came fast and hard, her whole body quivering in his arms.

As she came down from her high, he rubbed her back in broad, soothing strokes.

Normally, she was happy and bubbly after a session, released from her anxieties, today she was unusually quiet.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“It was… different.”

“Yeah.”

“Talk to me, Han.”

She searched his face for a moment, then placed her hand upon his chest.

“I'm just realizing that... you’re the only one for me.”

“Good.”

And he kissed her.

#Thanks for the prompts!#I hope you don't mind me combining them #Hardy x Hannah #Teninch fic #lostinfic writes stuff #kink flashfiction #I don't know if anyone will even like this #Anonymous #Reply

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