#i don't want to do this anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blaiddraws · 2 years

Text

Whumptober day 24: "I don't want to do this anymore"

OKAY SO THIS ONE. this one is based off of a scene/vibe/mental image that has been rattling around in my head for,,,, months,,, by now.

a while ago i'd come across that sort of. "ingo and emmet are immortal and the twin princes from unova legend" au. didn't (and Don't) really have any thoughts about it save for this One Specific Thing. so. without further ado, have a whole written thing. >1500 words

or read it here on ao3

When Ingo came across Rei in the Highlands by sheer chance, he was relieved. It had been some time since he had seen the boy, busy as he was with completing the pokedex.

He took the opportunity to accompany Rei to his destination; the ruined Temple of Sinnoh.

Apparently, he had finally completed the pokedex (which had been awarded with a very loud and enthusiastic "Bravo"), and was now going to finally confront the being that had brought him to Hisui.

Ingo was curious about that, and Rei gladly elaborated. It seemed he'd been bottling it up for a while.

He was already aware that Rei had a mission, and he saw that oddly familiar device a few times here and there, but he hadn't known much more than that. But the child had been plucked from his bed, his home far in the region's future, one night and given a mission from a being of golden light-- Rei said he was pretty sure he knew who it was, but didn't actually say who. (Something in Ingo didn't want to know, anyway.)

A mission to "Seek out all pokemon," and his device would act to give him guidance when he needed it. And when he finally finished, the being told him to go to the peak of Mount Coronet.

Something about everything set off alarm bells in Ingo's head, especially once he saw the shape of the phone's casing. Alarm, and an incredible dread. Fear even, though the mix of emotions swirling in his gut were hard to pick out.

Regardless, he offered to join Rei to meet this being, just in case his presence was needed. There were other reasons he kept to himself, namely something shouting within him to not let the child go alone to whatever was about to happen next.

It took some convincing, but Ingo was very stubborn when he wanted to be, and Rei admitted he did like the companionship.

So they went, until they were standing in the ruins of the old temple.

Rei's flute transformed, a melody and power rang through the air that completely froze Ingo's limbs with an unidentifiable emotion.

But he forced himself to move, to follow Rei up the ethereal staircase despite the way his legs trembled. It was a rare instance where he was glad that he had a naturally unemotive face, as he tried his hardest to act normal.

But when the two of them stepped onto the platform, and the being shimmered into view, that emotion nearly overcame him in a massive wave.

He recognized this being, without a doubt.

"Arceus," he whispered, right as Rei stepped forward and called out its name.

That emotion. That horrible, clawing emotion.

He turned away, facing away from the deity and Rei.

Shame.

An incredible, deep, terrible shame.

He didn't deserve to be here. He was terrified, really, of what Arceus would do when it inevitably noticed his presence, if it hadn't already.

But he didn't deserve to be here. Something within him recognized the area, and with that came the visceral shame.

He'd done something terrible. This he felt without a doubt, a certainty to it far greater than any of the vague shadows of memories that remained with him.

Yes, he did something horrible. He did not deserve to be in the presence of the creator pokemon. Nor within its beautiful domain.

With a start, he realized that there had been a battle going on for some time now. He didn't even notice it, as preoccupied as he was, until a stray move was sent flying out into the void beyond, zipping through his line of sight.

He wanted to help Rei, but it… Wasn't his place. Even the thought of attempting to fight against Arceus was met with a stark refusal within himself.

He watched the battle out of the corner of his eye for a moment, long enough to conclude that Rei was doing alright, all things considered, before turning back to face the infinite depths beyond Arceus's platform.

Time passed, the noise of battle a familiar one, until finally it all stopped. A pokeball letting out that familiar pop of a successful catch.

Did Rei just… Ingo whipped around, to see Rei proudly holding up a pokeball. The boy finally turned around, looking at Ingo with a proud grin.

"Rei… Did you just capture the creator pokemon… within a simple pokeball?" Ingo breathed. The sheer audacity and gall of the action horrified him.

Rei shrugged.

"Yes and no? Technically it's just a piece of Arceus, and it told me to capture it," he explained.

Ingo wasn't sure if that helped at all. His hands were shaking, so he clenched them in hopes to disguise it. Rei didn't seem to notice, fortunately.

Unfortunately, he did something that nearly gave Ingo a heart attack.

"Hey, do you want to meet it?" The question was met with a strangled wheeze that Rei did not hear, as he continued without waiting for an answer.

"Also I wanted to ask it a question!" With that, Rei flipped the latch on the ball, releasing Arceus.

Its presence filled the air like a heavy blanket, and Ingo slumped, tugging down his hat to hide his face.

Turning around now would be far, far too disrespectful, but that awful shame in him wanted him to run and hide. To not be seen. The hat, and hiding in the collar of his coat, was the best he could do. Hopefully he didn't offend Arceus.

"... Ingo?" Rei asked. A tap of a hoof that rang through the air as Arceus stepped closer, and Ingo flinched.

He bowed his head, wishing desperately he could vanish from existence entirely.

"Uh, Ingo? You okay?" Rei asked again.

Was he okay? Hah! No, he was far, far from okay. This was probably the worst moment of his entire life, really.

HE BOWS HIS HEAD IN SHAME, FOR A TERRIBLE CRIME HE DOES NOT REMEMBER.

Arceus spoke, or whatever passed for speaking. Its voice echoed through his mind, all the way down to his very bones.

He could hear the quiet slaps of Rei's sandals against the glasslike surface, as the boy ran to his side. He tried to look Ingo in the face, but Ingo pointedly refused, turning away.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, incredulous and vaguely defensive. Ingo was surprised to feel Rei cling to the sleeve of his coat, almost possessively.

"I did something terrible, long ago. Terrible enough to warrant a punishment from Arceus itself," Ingo spoke, after a moment. His voice cracked.

He still could not remember any of it, but that certainty was undeniable.

Rei shook Ingo's arm slightly.

"C'mon Ingo, there's no way that's true! You're way too nice of a guy, it's just your insecurities speaking or something."

Ingo only shook his head. When it seemed Rei would continue, Arceus took another step forward, once again causing Ingo to flinch.

HE SPEAKS THE TRUTH, MINE CHOSEN.

There was a long, dreadful silence from Rei.

"N-no, there's. That can't be true, there's no way Ingo would ever do anything bad!"

THIS IS TRUE. THE MAN THAT THOU KNOW'ST WOULD NOT.

HE HAS GROWN FAR FROM THE ARROGANCE AND MISDEEDS OF HIS YOUTH. BUT THESE THINGS DID HAPPEN, AND SHOULD NOT BE IGNORED OR FORGOTTEN. HE HAS THE DEATHS OF MANY ON HIS HANDS, BOTH DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY, AND WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR ONE OF MINE CHILDREN SPLITTING ITS VERY BEING APART.

He had no memory of any of it, but all of it rang terribly, awfully, and undeniably true. The shame, though it had never left, returned in full force.

"That's…" Rei whispered. The boy no doubt hated Ingo now, after learning this.

Ingo wished he had never insisted on joining Rei. This would never have happened. Would he have ever even recalled the terrible burden he'd held? He was glad he had forgotten this.

… And yet, Rei did not step away. Arceus shifted, its presence leaning closer, even as Ingo refused to look away from his feet.

BUT YOU, WARDEN INGO, HAVE CHANGED. THOU HAST LONG SINCE LEARNED THY LESSON. THOU NEEDN'T FEEL FEAR OR SHAME IN MINE PRESENCE.

What?

I WILL NOT HARM YE, FOR WHAT WOULD BE THE PURPOSE OF PUNISHING A GOOD MAN?

Rei placed his hand on Ingo's shoulder. A silent but clear show of his support.

Ingo dropped to his knees, legs shaking far too much to even hope to hold himself up, overcome with emotion.

Those words. He hadn't even dared to let himself imagine hearing them, but somehow, miraculously, he was hearing them now. He still carried that incredible shame and guilt, but to hear from Arceus itself that he had grown into a good man, it was… so, so much.

THINE PUNISHMENT HAS BEEN COMPLETE FOR CENTURIES. THE PRICE HAD BEEN PAID, A LESSON LEARNED, AND YE HAVE CHANGED REMARKABLY INTO AN INCREDIBLE MAN.

So why did he still feel as if he didn't deserve this… this mercy, this forgiveness? Did Arceus really expect him to be free of the burden he'd been carrying for countless years, just like that?

He leaned over, until he was resting on his elbows.

"Please," Ingo whispered, barely able to speak at all, "I don't want to do this anymore."

He was tired, he was overwhelmed, and it was made all the worse by the fact that he had no idea where these emotions were even coming from. He did not know why Arceus's words sent such terrible shocks of grief and shame and relief and everything through his body, causing him to tremble. It was so much, too much.

I SHALL RETURN THINE MEMORIES TO THEE. IT IS THE LEAST I COULD DO, INDEED, FOR ALL THAT THOU HAST DONE FOR ME IN THY TIME.

What? … Just like that?

Finally, he dared look up, only to find himself directly face-to-face with Arceus. His eyes were wide in shock and disbelief, but he found himself frozen.

SLEEP NOW. THOU WILT AWAKEN SOON.

It leaned forward, gently touching his forehead, and everything went dark.

#whumptober2022 #no.24 #I don't want to do this anymore #immortal twin princes au #submas #pokemon #pla era #ingo #rei #protag rei #writing

299 notes · View notes

skellywie · 6 months

Text

My study motivation:

#twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts #twst #twst riddle #study motivation #send help #i don't want to do this anymore

33 notes · View notes

dixonlvr-online · 2 years

Text

Time to let go

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, fighting, blood, and death. Swear words.

Genre: Angst

Challenge: I don't want to do this anymore @whumptober / All the hugs / "Is this safe?"

A/N: Stories like this are so important to me, within the show and real life. If this is triggering for you, though, please don't read.

Part 2 of How far is too far?

The Saviors arrived just as you’d expected. Your group lay in hiding as Simon’s team marched up, waiting for the signal to attack. You heard him say something, unable to make out what it was, when the signal came.

All at once, hell rained down upon the Saviors. You all stood from your hiding spots and opened fire, pulling and pulling and pulling on the trigger as bullets flew and gunfire sounded. You couldn’t see anything but the firing beside you and the bodies falling. The smell of gunpowder clouded your senses, eyes laser-focused on the few retreating figures.

The noise slowly died as targets disappeared into the shadows and rounds were drained. You dropped your now empty gun, reaching for the knife in your belt. You turned, ready to seek out the remaining Saviors and end this, when something shoved you to the ground.

Your chin hit the ground, your eyes watering as you struggled to push yourself up. A heavy weight on your back indicated a person on top of you, holding you down. You squirmed out from under them, rolling onto your side and lunging at them.

It was a woman, eyes red with fury, definitely a Savior. You pinned her arms, struggling to keep her there while your eyes searched for your missing knife. She took your moment of distraction and head-butted you, catapulting you back.

You ignored the throbbing in your head and focused on the woman in front of you, attempting to stand. You tackled her legs, sending her back to the ground. Before she could get up, you pressed a knee on her chest and reached around for your weapon.

“Bitch,” she seethed, eyes burning into yours. For a moment, you hesitated, your talk with Daryl flashing through your mind. She saw your weakness. She launched herself up, overtaking you.

Now your roles were reversed. She had you pinned, her knee to your chest. You struggled, shoving at her sides, but she placed her hands around your throat and squeezed.

You felt the pressure move from your neck to your head, brain struggling for oxygen. You clawed at her wrists, trying to punch up at her face, but her grip was too strong. You felt your vision blur, your strength leaving your body as your brain fogged.

You extended your arms to the side, looking for anything you could use to fight her, when you felt it: the hilt of your knife. You seized it with every bit of strength you had left and plunged the knife upward, straight through the side of her throat.

For a moment, everything was still. Her eyes bored into yours, the fear in them evident. You watched the light in them fade as her throat poured blood all over you, soaking your clothes and your skin. Her mouth opened in one final gasp before she fell to the side, relinquishing her hold on you and taking her last breath.

You lay there, gasping for air, letting your arms fall to your side. You stared up at the night sky, trying to focus on the bright lights above you, but you couldn’t get the image of her eyes out of your mind. That look, that final plea for life, would haunt you for the rest of your days.

Slowly, you managed to sit up. Everything had fallen quiet, the fight clearly over. You rubbed a hand down your throat, feeling the damage, when your eyes landed on the body beside you. The woman lay there, lifeless, surrounded by her own blood.

You stared at your hands, soaked in red. Her eyes flashed through your mind again.

“Y/N!” you heard, pulling you from your stupor. You lifted your head to see Daryl, running toward you. He dropped down to his knees, holding your wrists in his hands. He scanned you up and down, trying to find where the blood came from, when he noticed the dead woman beside you.

He lifted his eyes, meeting yours. Now, he was the tears in them. He lifted one hand to your face, rubbing his thumb along your cheek.

“You okay?” he asked, gently. You took a shaky breath in, opening your mouth to respond, when the dry pain in your throat resurfaced. In lieu of an answer, you shook your head, no.

Daryl pulled you to him, holding you so tightly you thought you might break. Haven’t I already? you thought. You raised a hand to his back, clutching him to you.

“I don’t…” you started, clearing your throat to mask the raspiness. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

You couldn’t see Daryl’s face, but you could feel the way his shoulders dropped. He tightened his grip, burying his face into your hair.

“Ya don’t gotta. Not anymore. I got you,” he said. His words hit you with a force so powerful you felt yourself burst into tears. He held you close as you sobbed, releasing everything. Every painful memory, every fight, every plan for revenge.

In that moment, it was clear. This world was brutal, and painful, and horrible. But that didn’t mean you had to be, too.

#whumptober2022 #no.24 #i don't want to do this anymore #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon imagine #twd #the walking dead

152 notes · View notes

grimbonedad · 2 months

Text

I feel

Fucking

Empty.

#i don't want to do this anymore #let me rot #its all i want.

9 notes · View notes

ivan-fyodorovich-k · 5 months

Text

gotta say if I could not be mentally ill anymore that would be cool

#I just left a group chat where like...#I have been responsible for probably 70% of the chatting #and I regularly get left on read or muted for weeks #and so I was like #y'know #I don't want to do this anymore #and so I left #and the thing is #I feel like I did something wrong #because obviously #just don't talk so much #and be grateful that other people are even in the chat #but also #like #I dunno #I feel like I'm just not there yet #but also I feel like every time I've been like 'yknow what I don't like how I'm being treated and I want to stand up for myself'#even in this ridiculous way that makes zero demands on any of these people and should even be a relief to them #I still feel like #you just need to let people treat you however they want to treat you and be glad #my insanity is clouding my ability to have rational standards of human interaction #if I were sane I would not have supplied 70% of the chatting #and I would not have left #or so I am guessing as I can only wonder what sanity would be like #I guess it would be like the other two #sanity would be leaving the chat muted for weeks or months #but I don't like that #I'm not interested in that kind of human relationship or connection #am I allowed not to be?

10 notes · View notes

karlyanalora · 2 years

Text

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Kix stopped wiping a cold wet cloth across Rex’s forehead for a moment at the confession. There were tears in the commander’s eyes.

“Please, Cody, don’t make me do it anymore.”

Ah, so the commander was delusional. It was a common symptom of this particular virus and they did all share the same face technically.

“I’m sick of fighting,” Rex admitted. “Tired of sending my brothers to die. Can’t we all just up and desert like Cut? Live happy lives away from the war?”

Kix probably shouldn’t have responded, but Rex looked so broken. “The war will end.”

“Will it?”

It didn’t, at least not in any meaningful way. Kix woke up fifty years later and learned how pointless it had been. Now he talked to ghosts in the bath and ran around with pirates. One night after getting spectacularly drunk, he admitted to them. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Do what?” they asked.

“Live.”

No one talked much after that.

The First Order rose and fell. Palpatine died a second time. It was all an endless pointless cycle. Kix was out in one of the markets on some planet he couldn’t remember the name of trying to find something to spend his ill-gotten credits on when he saw her. A little girl shivering in the desert sun. And by her side was a little boy, her brother based on the resemblance, desperately trying to help her. Kix finally had something to spend his credits on.

Armed with fresh medical supplies, he knelt beside the two children and said. “My name is Kix. I’m a medic and I’m here to help.”

There in the city of Canto Bight, Kix found a reason to live again. He had more than enough credits by now and he spent them tending to the children who came to his clinic at all hours of the day and night. He knew some of the children went off to become Jedi, but he had no desire to meet the young woman who took them. The children would be okay, but Kix was done with Jedi and following them into battle.

He found apprentices of his own and made sure the clinic would continue to run smoothly long after he was gone. His fingers grew gnarled and started to shake, so he stepped back and did the simpler no less important things like mopping sweaty brows and singing lullabies.

He looked around the warm medbay and thought, “I never want to stop.”

#whumptober2022 #no.24 #i don't want to do this anymore #star wars #fic #clone wars #clone trooper kix #captain rex #clonetober2022 #sick fic #original something

125 notes · View notes

dangerousdan-dan · 8 months

Text

Shitshitshitshit I officially have a date for my thesis defense. I'm going to throw up.

#what if i panic and end up saying something stupid?#what if i can't answer a question?#i don't want to do this anymore #i mean i do want to because i love my work but my stomach is already a mess because of the nerves #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH #dan is rambling again

8 notes · View notes

dudefrommywesterns · 2 months

Text

the ache of loneliness doesn't go away. it never goes away. i can only distract myself from it. it always comes back.

#typewriter dings #there's no getting used to this #there's no feeling content in it #anyone who thinks this can be lived with has never lived it #i don't want to do this anymore #i don't want to go through every minute of my life alone #i'm tired of it #i can't live with no one to love me anymore #this loveless existence is unbearable and i hate my life #it's not worth it #it's not #nothing good stays #nothing #complaining

2 notes · View notes

bongsavior · 9 months

Text

#i'm sorry but #personal #none of this feels worth it #nothing feels worth anything #there's 2 people that i'm ripping myself from right now #not just one but two !#and i'm trying to figure myself out too #my dad died #it feels like the universe is dropping huge bombs on me but telling me to keep trying anyways #it's unbearable. the fucking agony of existence right now #i want to go away #i'm afraid i'm gonna get into hard drugs to escape and i don't want to get there.#i don't want to do this anymore #i'm sorry

8 notes · View notes

darkthingshappen · 2 years

Text

No. 24 FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE

@whumptober

This is a BROTHER'S KEEPER entry. Takes place at the end of the recapture arc - not the end of the story though.

Content warning sibling whump, wounded sibling, going into shock, gun violence, bullet wound, Ben is unable to really process and is completely overwhelmed.

Tagging List: @i-can-even-burn-salad @peachy-panic @deluxewhump @arwenadreamer @whumpcereal @melancholy-in-the-morning @dont-touch-my-soup @whumpsday @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @oddsconvert @melennui @susiequaz12 @morning-star-whump @crystalquartzwhump @whump-and-other-things @mylifeisonthebookshelf @reflected-pain @hold-him-down @quietshae @sparrowsage @quietly-by-myself @no-terms-and-conditions-apply (I hope I’m not forgetting anyone - please let me know if I am and I’ll fix it.)

As ALWAYS, thanks to the AMAZING @whumpcereal for the beta. And to my whumperful crew that always cheers me on: @oddsconvert and @sparrowsage as well as @quietly-by-myself. Y'all are the best!

Blood Covered Hands | Catatonic | “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Ben screamed as he held Jake in his arms. His hands were covered in blood. Jake’s blood. Jake had stopped talking. His eyes had slipped shut. He was still breathing, but there was just so much blood.

Ben was beside himself. It couldn’t go down like this. It just couldn’t! Ben didn’t want to go home without Jake. They were supposed to go together.

“Ben,” a familiar voice met Ben’s ears. “You have to let us take him. I promise we’re going to get him help. We’ll take care of him. Come on. Let him go.”

Ben looked up through a pane of tears and met the relieved yet sad eyes of Agent Vaughn. Ben was so tired and every part of him ached, body and soul.

“I-I…I don’t want… want to do this anymore. I can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I want to go home. Can you take us home?”

“Of course, Ben. But you have to let these guys take Jake, okay. You have to let go so they can help him,” Vauhn replied.

Ben looked down at his hand and saw Jake’s blood welling up between his fingers. “I can’t leave him. What if I… what if he…”

“He’s gonna be fine. You can go with him. But these guys need to get him on the med chopper as soon as possible. You’ll be right behind him. I swear.”

Ben released his hold on Jake slowly, reluctantly. As soon as they could get his hands away, Jake was whisked away to the medivac chopper.

“Ben. Ben, look at me.” Agent Vaughn was patient as he waited for Ben to focus his attention back at him. The boy seemed lost. He was rail thin and gaunt. He had clearly not been as physically well taken care of as during his previous captivity. Right, Agent Vaughn thought. Andrei. Andrei wasn’t with them. Volkov probably hadn’t replaced his private physician.

“Ben, are you hurt?”

Ben didn’t know how to answer that question. He was terribly hurt. Every bit of him abused and broken. But he wasn’t shot, his throat hadn’t been slit. He was alive. What was he supposed to say?

“I- I don’t know. I’m… I’m really tired.” Ben looked up at the agent. “Is… Are my parent’s okay?”

“Yes, son. Your parents are okay. They’re going to be very happy to see you.”

“Z-Zoe… is she…?”

“She’s doing great. She’s very ready for you to come home. You have a lot to look forward to.”

“Y-yeah. I… I think I’m ready to go. I… I don’t really have anything to take with me.”

He’s in shock. He needs a medic, Vaughn suddenly realized. “Hey, can we get a medical team over here?” he called over his shoulder. Ben jumped at his loud volume. “It’s okay. You’re alright.” Vaughn caught the emergency blanket that was tossed to him by another agent while they waited on the med team to get to Ben. He tore open the packaging and shook out the foil blanket, wrapping it around Ben’s shoulders.

“I don’t want to stay here anymore. I need… I need to see that my family is okay. I-I… I need to see Zoe.”

“You will. They’re all okay. I promise.”

Ben glanced up as the chopper with Jake in it took off.

“Jake… I… I was supposed to go with him. We were supposed to get off this island together.”

“You are. I promise. Just a couple of more minutes and you’ll be right behind him.”

The medical team arrived a moment later and Vaughn had to step back from the swarm and flurry of activity around the exhausted young man. They started an IV and pulled an oxygen mask over his face. Ben let himself be lifted onto a gurney without protest and then he was carried to a waiting helicopter himself.

He was vaguely aware of Agent Vaughn getting into the helicopter behind him. He felt something cold in his IV line and his eyes grew heavy. Agent Vaughn took his hand when he saw Ben’s eyes widen in a small amount of uncertainty.

“You’re safe, Ben. When you wake up, you’ll see your family will be there with you and Jake. Just rest.”

Ben let his eyes slide shut, Agent Vaughn’s hand wrapped around his own and grounding him in safety.

47 notes · View notes