#i feel so dead lmao

[lieu-rey]

javier but i draw him with the default pen

#rdr2 #javier escuella #red dead redemption 2 #so i use a texture marker but sometimes i feel like it doesnt quite fit the line style im trying to go for #so i tried the default pen and im still not sure about it lmao #maybe some mix of the two will work. like a textured pen of some kind instead of the marker #[waves hand] eh ill figure it out eventually #anyway. poor little meow meow posting hours #my art

[lassieposting]

Concept:

Post-tadpole, Tav offers to help Astarion find a way to walk in the sun again, and she starts by going to different libraries and repositories and archives around the city to look for books that might be relevant. Astarion, obviously, has to stay in the rental room with the shutters closed during the daytime, so he can't come with her.

At some point, this takes her up to the posh part of the city, where the fancy ✨ scholarly ✨ archive is. She remembers most of the walk - it's not too far from the graveyard Astarion took her to, in the neighbourhood where he once used to live.

And like, it's never actually occurred to her that he could still have Actual Blood Relatives still living? It's not a topic she's ever thought to raise with him. But she has to sign in and out of the archive, and she just happens to notice the name three or four lines above hers: an initial and a surname she recognises.

Ancunín.

The same name from Astarion's gravestone.

A parent? A sibling?

A niece or nephew Astarion has never even met?

Thus begins a secondary quest of trying to reunite a broken family. Astarion is willing enough to talk about the few memories he still has of the thirty-nine years he had with his family before turning - a drop in the ocean compared to the 200 years spent suffering under Cazador - but he shuts down when she nudges him towards the likelihood that Mr & Mrs Ancunín are still alive. He retreats back behind the selfish, catty survivalist he was when she first met him and claims he has no interest in ever reconnecting. The pain in every clipped syllable says drop it, so she does.

But then he asks her, very quietly, several days later, what the initial was. He doesn't really react when she tells him - there's no obvious recognition, and he doesn't ask any follow-up questions or try to discuss it further. He just goes back to his book. She watches him out of the corner of her eye though, as she skim-reads her own giant tome of magical artifacts. A very long time goes by before she sees him turn a page.

For a good long while, the family issue gets put firmly on the back burner. They have other shit going on. Sometimes, it's following promising leads on a possible workaround for Astarion's sunlight allergy. Other times, it's the kind of ugly, ragged-edged breakdown that so often follows a period of relative safety and stability after a major trauma. He's been running in survival mode for two centuries, and now he's finally starting to feel secure enough for the rest of his mind to come back online, and all the trauma he couldn't handle at the time, all the pain and fear and tangled emotions survival mode was protecting him from, is catching up to him. During those sporadic episodes, trying to keep him from falling apart is her top priority and, well, time gets away from them and by the time he brings up his parents again, months or more have gone by, and they have a fairly good idea of what artifact of daywalking they need to find.

By the time it comes to actually meeting with them, still more months have passed, and they have already found it.

It's horrible, and heartwarming, and heartbreaking, and healing, and hurting, and so many other conflicting things that for a while - a long while - Tav doesn't know whether she actually did the right thing encouraging him to reach out to long-lost loved ones. It's a mess of moments that makes her heart ache for a dozen reasons. She finds out that Astarion looks most like his mother, but has his father's nose. She holds him for hours while he shakes and sobs into her shoulder because they never even left the city, they were here the whole time, and they never found him - and he's so angry and full of grief he doesn't know what to do with himself. She accompanies him to the home he was raised in, and the once-familiar surroundings jog memories he thought lost for good - he's glassy-eyed, recounting them to her, but she's fairly sure it's the good kind of glassy-eyed, so she doesn't mention it. She tries to make conversation at family dinner while he stares at his hands in his lap, dissociated, looking even more uncomfortable than she feels, utterly lost in a world that once fit him like a glove. There are a lot of feelings to try and mediate. They are all hurt, all damaged, all afraid, all looking for the ghost of a loved one in the face of a stranger.

But, eventually, there is a day where she overhears Astarion having a conversation with his father, and he sounds like himself - not the persona he puts on in public - and his father laughs at something he says in a way that's entertained rather than awkward. There is a day where his mother reaches out and he doesn't shake his head or step away - he lets her hug him goodbye. They have not slipped back into the graves they crawled out of in each other's lives - they are all very different people now - but they are learning new ways to fit together, and he seems to be pleased about it.

So she thinks, yeah, it was worth it.

#bg3 #bg3 headcanons #astarion x tav #tavstarion #tav #so i saw a post mentioning that astarion's family could still be alive bc elves #and now i have Feelings #so!!!!! yells screams flings this into the void #also pry astarion having to start processing what hes been through once he's safe from my cold dead hands #also his poor folks lmao #his mother telling him that someone desecrated his grave not long after he died by digging it up #and then again recently by defacing it #and hes just 'actually both of those were me' #astarion ancunin

[kitamars]

enmi gintoki…………… orz

#bfy altered my neurons entirely that movie is actually crack made for me specifically #THE ANGST IS SO SO SAD. BUT SO SO GOOD #i’ve had these for soooo long but i just forgot to post them lmao #i think about him. a lot. Too much #enmi gin appeals to the part of my brain that thinks markings (smtiii remnant) and bandages are fucking cool #i LOVEEEE THIS DESIGNNNNNN ACK #it makes me feels so. hngh #his faint smile when he’s finally beaten and is near the end. someone wants me dead #fun fact though i couldn’t take them saying virus seriously bc of the fucking ill smith episode #i’ll be trying to listen to plot but everytime they mention viruses i start giggling incessantly #anyways #BE FOREVER YOROZUYA RUINED MY LIFE AND IM VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT #sakata gintoki #be forever yorozuya #yorozuya yo eien nare #gintama #ok bye

[emblazons]

"I know what it's like to be different. To be alone in this world."

STRANGER THINGS SANS VISAGES S04E07 - The Massacre at Hawkins Lab

#nancy wheeler #el hopper #henry creel #the party #st sans visage #st gifs #st edit #my gifs #userallisyn #tuserrae #userkam #usersen #userelz #tuseremilia #useraimz #userpunk #usermissjessie #tuserashes #tuserblake #dailystrangerthings #tw spiders #tw blood #not entirely sure how I feel about the color matching here. it was hard af to match color and vibe wise? some I like more than others #also YES YES the dead boy's face in gif one I tried cropping it but the gif never worked if I did so. fuck it lmao

[victorie552]

I headcannon that after 3rd Kinslaying, and especially after Elrond and Elros left them in whatever fashion, Maedhros was a total dick to Maglor.

You know how sometimes old or sick people are nice to neighbours/nurses/strangers, but are horrible to their primal caretakers? That's them.

People aren't dicks to their caretakers just to be dicks - it's because they are often frustrated with themselves or their situation and don't know how else to deal with it or they can't deal with it the usual way. It also happens because, paradoxally, they feel safe around their caretakers - you can be a dick because you know they won't leave just because of that.

And boy, did Maglor cast himself in a role of caretaker (let's not kid ourselves, he wasn't qualified, and with his own problems to boot), and BOY, did Maedhros resent him for it. He did not NEED help, he did not DESERVE help, he's not another kidnapped child MAGLOR, I'M the older brother, I should take care of YOU YOU WRECK, WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BABYSIT YOU GROW UP ALREADY and leave me Nothing is EVER your fault, even when you left me to Angband as you should Why would you care now, it amounted to NOTHING before, it's WORTHLESS

And about half the time Maglor just takes it, actually likes it even. Mostly because of his guilt complex about how he deserves it, but also because Maedhros is only like this with him - he's trying his best to pretend to be fine and be a leader to few followers they have left, because they deserve better and that's the only thing he can give them now, and their brothers are all dead and would always be Too Little to act like that around them anyway. Maedhros would behave himself even around Fingon, to make him think rescuing him was worth something. So by being a dick to Maglor, Meadhros sees him as an equal, a safe haven. Maglor basks in that.

But obviously no one could just take such abuse like it's nothing, and Maglor is a Feanorian too, is prideful and stubborn, with his own laundry list of complains about Maedhros, and also unwell, and also thought of a new insult while lying awake at night and just wants to yell too. So half the time Maglor yells back and their yelling matches would bring orcs to tears, with hate and blame dripping from every word. I don't have enough imagination to picture it realistically, and actually I don't want to, it's too heartbreaking.

And sometimes, one or the other just starts crying. They don't talk about these times.

After some time, their arguments and insults are just a noise, something to repeat endlessly to the point of boredom.

By then, what actually hurts are the words that were not meant to harm.

Example 1:

Maedhros: 'did an all-night inspection of their stores cause he couldn't sleep' I found a herb you always liked to wash your hair with.

Maglor: 'doesn't remember last time he washed his hair, no less scented them'

Maglor: 'choked up' Appreciated.

Example 2:

Maedhros: 'feels like he's dragging Maglor to damnation with him' You could go with the twins, you know.

Maglor: 'doesn't want to upset Maedhros today so decides to pretend as if that was actually an option' Vanyar would probably like my singing but you know they would get mad at you for having better battle plans than them.

Maedhros: 'now KNOWS he's dragging Maglor to damnation with him'

Maedhros: 'dying inside' Of course they would.

When love hurts, it's easier to be a dick.

#maedhros #maglor #silmarillion #silm #barely related but it plays into my headcannon that when nerdanel didn't went with them and feanor died #maglor and maedhros became New Mom and Dad for the rest of Feanorians #not even with any creepy context from them it was an automatic process #oh Mom left Dad Maglor is similiar to her guess Maglor is New Mom #oh Dad's dead? Maedhros is New Dad #boom problem solved #when Maedhros was unwell after Tears Celegorm got to be Dad for some time #it's so unhealthy when you look from the outside #it's unrelated to anything except Maglor as New Mom resents any mentions of abandoning the others #Maglor is NOTHING like Nerdanel #THIS mom won't leave anyone thank you very much #and then Maedhros stays in Angband for 30 years lmao #so unhealthy #angst I guess #I feel it went in different direction than it started but eh

[skitskatdacat63]

He is so 🤏

+

#lmao suzuki i thought of you at the last minute and had to ref the 'he likes to feel tall' mene #<- i mean duh its canon. babygirl is constantly sitting on countertops #just sometimes more uh slayfully like the third image #well guys as you can tell im a big fan of that recent tiktok #so thought i should draw some of the moments cause aghhhh hes brainrotted me so badly #as suzuki pointed out to me. he has this distinct look of partial shame in the bts of the microwave vid #i like to think he came to work that morning and was like omg jimmy i have a tiktok vid #and then halfway thru making it was like: oh wow this is more embarrassing to do than i thought it would be #but dw cringe is dead to him. he doesnt care >:) #but if this is a mere glimpse of the silliness that is yet to come in this coming season. god im so excited to see more of his antics #bros seriously been liveblogging his work days since he got back to the factory 😭😭 #they should make a legitimate cinematic day in the life vid of him not just a tiktok or clipe #*clips #fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #catie.art.

[guardian-angle22]

TK/Carlos + Touch

↳ 4.18 In Sickness and In Health (Deleted Scene)

#911 lone star #911lsedit #tk/carlos + touch #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #i'm playing a game called 'how many individual wedding sets can i stretch this series out to include' lol #the way tk gently cradles carlos' head while trying not to get cake in his hair at the same time #and his face in the end too #he couldn't NOT touch carlos' face while kissing him even though he has cake all over his hands #so he does his best lmao #my gifs #queue it up #(i'm feeling mid about this set so i'm posting it in the dead of night when i don't have to think about it lol)

[dafry]

I have no idea wth is happening but i want in-

Randy: Uh... Is he okay...?

Jake: Yeah don't worry, he'll be fine... I think...

#sup bitches #sorry for the quality- I'm on vacation rn lmao but i wanted to join in on the fun and chaos #so i made this in a hurry with what i had XD #also damn it's been a while since i draw em #I'm a little rusty #secret trio #adjl #rc9gn #danny phantom #danny fenton #randy cunningham #jake long #american dragon jake long #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #fanart #dannypocalypse #my life have been a mess so excuse me if i take a long while to draw stuff- not to mention trying to find the motivation at all lmao #also been getting sick again so ye #and if i ever went on hiatus for years then assume I'm dead idk i have been getting ominous feelings and signs let's hope I'm wrong! :'D

[raiiny-bay]

but I can't wait until I see your face and my brain thinks that it's looking at a stranger

#ts4 #simblr #ts4 edit #ts4 render #sims 4 #burns tw #vellichor #myedits #arthur #harley #for pride month i offer you my absolute worst 2 lgbtq reps: #a dead man & the biggest asshole to ever walk the fictional earth #ngl i always get a lil nervous posting my ocs that aren't kel or dhes #but these two are very special & personal to me so #hopefully you guys don't mind me posting them #i was going for like. a sense of intimacy or closeness but also distance & guilt at the same time #bc these two were at one point very close. very heavily dependent on one another #but things took a bad turn & eventually they stopped speaking altogether #(death mention in the following tags just btw in case anyone actually reads these lmao) #& harley feels responsible for arthur's death WHICH he kind of is? but also not #bc even if harley had acted differently towards artie and/or tried to mend their friendship nothing would have changed #arthur was going to do what he did regardless bc he felt he deserved it #it's just all around really tragic & unfortunate #& so that's kind of what i was trying to convey in these...? like the emotions of all that yk? #idk if i really hit the mark or not but i tried idk #n e way :-) #:-)))))

[mother-mommy]

"I have tabulated your shooting accuracy, your target success rate today was at 53%. Well below your average."

So, how we feelin' burnt out, ex-gifted children who lost the skill they built their whole idea of self and self worth upon?

#cause me? #I feel like I've been punched right in the gut #with my favourite character too? #come on so unfair #getting personal on main #apparently lmao #this feels like a fate worse than death for him too like #my bad batch blorbos cannot catch a break Ever #2 out of 3 dead #one losing his identity and visibly not coping well with it #tbb crosshair #the bad batch #crosshair #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch season 3 #tbb spoilers #star wars the bad batch #sw tbb #bad batch crosshair #tbb season 3 spoilers #tbb season 3

[hunny-mustard104]

How often do you think Todd cried over Neil? Do you think he developed irritated red marks on his face? How long do you think they stayed there? Do you think he was upset when the skin finally healed? Like it was somehow a sign he no longer cared? Do you think he broke out from touching his face too much? Do you think he always had a headache? Do you think he bottled it all up? Trying to push it away until everything poured out of him? Do you think he hated crying? Hated Neil for making him cry?

#dead poets society #neil perry #todd anderson #dps #anderperry #ive been crying a lot latly #and i always get these red marks on my cheeks from the constant rubbing #and i thought of this because i love pain lmao #i feel like crying is something that can be so helpful and embarrassing at the same time

[oshiawaseni]

Well, well, well... doesn't he look awfully happy.

Who are you looking at, Izuku?

#bkdk canon #mha 394 #bnha 394 #bakudeku #he's in love and #ochaco knows #SHE KNOWSSS #togachaco anon the answer to your question that i've wanted to see happen for so long is ochaco revealing she knows bkdk are in love #and this panel isn't even about her feelings for him #it's about Izuku's feelings for Katsuki LMAO Hori is the biggest troll but I love him #because he basically had Ochaco propose to Toga in this same chapter. izuocha is dead guys. #hori loves his foreshadowing #either this panel already exists in another angle with Katsuki in front of Izuku #or Hori will finish drawing the complete picture of bkdk looking at each other some day ^^;

[fablexdreams]

John and Dutch's relationship has me sobbing on a good day and having a full on mental breakdown on a bad one. If Arthur is like Hosea, then John is like Dutch; authority issues, conflicting emotions, false bravado, and all. If John seeing Dutch in rdr2, "broke his heart," I don't even wanna imagine what he was going through during and after THAT scene in the first game. It's clear, and literally stated by John himself, how much he loves Dutch, and how conflicted his feelings are toward him. The thought of John finding out that Dutch, the only father figure he has left alive, the man who saved him from hanging and gave him a family at the age of 12, was gonna leave him die in prison, and then later on the train...it...I'm so normal about this; it's fine.

#john marston #dutch van der linde #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #this literally keeps me up at night #it makes me so sad #their relationship is so overlooked #i hate dutch #i love dutch #its very confusing #john marston deserved better #sobbing rn #sorry for taking up the rdr and john marstons tags lately #i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings lmao

[ilovecoelacanths]

This is a story about a book that changed my life.

It's also about how amazing libraries and authors and people who care about sharing cool things with curious kids are. Also, fish (especially fish). It's kind of different than what I usually post but it's been bouncing around in my head basically since I started this blog so here you go, I hope you like it. This is the reason I love coelacanths so much, and why I think everyone should know about how amazing they are.

When I was little, I loved going to the library. My little brother and I would pick out way too many books and the librarians always had to come over to override the 30 book limit at the checkout stand (they pretty much knew us on sight and were ready to override it as soon as we started heading over to check out). After we finished getting our library books, our mom also let us look through the free pile that was in the foyer on the way out. It was mostly old library books that the librarians just needed to clean out, but there were a lot of books that people brought when they cleaned out their personal collections too (especially teachers, and there were a bunch of books with old school library stamps inside). The free pile didn't usually have a lot of things that interested me, but one day when I was poking through it I found a book called Fossil Fish Found Alive: Discovering the Coelacanth, by Sally M. Walker.

I loved it. I had never even heard of coelacanths before, but this book fascinated me. It told the story of an incredible animal, long thought to be extinct, that had somehow survived for millions of years! It was nothing like any fish I had ever learned about before. I already had a casual interest in marine biology that I can thank PBS Kids and Wild Kratts for (particularly their episode on sperm whales and giant squid, I loved that episode), but this book took it to a new level. I wanted to be a marine biologist so I could learn more about coelacanths.

Like a lot of things when you're 7, that was a phase. Unlike a lot of phases, this one I came back to. After taking a break from my dreams of being a marine biologist to experience the hell that is middle school, one day I pulled a book off my shelf. I hadn't read it in a while. When I picked it up again, I remembered how incredible this animal was, and how much it had inspired me when I was younger, and those thoughts of becoming a marine biologist started to return. I'm in college now studying marine science, and I brought the book with me to school, where it sits next to two other science books that have inspired me (My Friends the Wild Chimpanzees by Jane Goodall and The Sea Around Us by Rachel Carson).

Earlier this year, I was thinking about how much this one book had changed my life and I wondered if I could find Ms. Walker and thank her. I knew she had many other science books for younger audiences, and even another book about coelacanths, so I was sure she had a website of some kind, and I was right. So I found her contact page and wrote her an email explaining the impact her book had had on my life, and thanking her for it. And to my surprise, she responded! She was very kind and we sent a few emails back and forth. She gave me some excellent advice and even told me about some of the people she contacted while researching her book, including Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer herself, the person who rediscovered the coelacanth when it was thought to be extinct! I'll never forget how she took the time to respond to me and how encouraging she was.

But Ms. Walker isn't the only one I have to thank for pointing me toward the path I'm on right now. If I hadn't already loved reading, if I hadn't seen any show or video to make me interested in marine biology, if the library didn't have a pile of books for anyone to take home, if I had lost that book during one of our many moves as a kid, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. There were a lot of things that happened to make it so that I found this book, but I'm glad for every single one of them. They led to me learning about an incredible animal and changed the course of my life. And now, I love coelacanths.

#long post #bee talks #my post #coelacanth #i love coelacanths #omg guys its the long awaited ilovecoelacanths backstory post #it came out kinda sappy lmao but whatever im gonna post it even though its so cheesy #ugh i hate being genuine and showing emotion on the internet it makes me feel so cringe. but whatever. cringe is dead so #also wow look at that i actually CAN use real grammar when i want to #not a single smiley face emoticon in this whole post. why did i do that. i like my little guys #here. here's one. :]

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN #honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog #where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags #kyle dubas #toronto maple leafs #& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe #& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit. #this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!! #my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor #the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi #that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like #ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds #how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid #the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines #i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer #brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc #bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always #know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works #no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried. #i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs #i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick) #& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen #narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel #about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO #did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle) #OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner #if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf #simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2 #one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry #liv in the replies

[avocadoraisin]

myers vape tricks

#i feel so validated. someone on twitter commented on this and said theyve ripped bongs just like this in their michael cosplay before #and here i was debating even posting this LMAO #michael myers #halloween #dead by daylight #slashers #doodle #jennilart