#i just get SO FUCKING ANXIOUS

[lunar-wandering]

i’m never ever going to make a post like this again, but if i see ONE MORE POST about this im going to actually break down sobbing so.

Sun Wukong and the Six Eared Macaque are NEVER canonly stated to be brothers.

Yes, they are the origin of the “evil twin” plot point. Yes, the may be inspired by an older legend of “two monkey god brothers”.

But not once, does the text of Journey to the West say they are canonically brothers.

I did not spend an entire week researching these two (and done it multiple more times whenever it was brought into question), just for people to go around saying “They were canonically blood brothers in Journey to the West, and Lego Monkie Kid will make them brothers later on :)”.

(Of course, if you headcanon them as being brothers, or prefer to see them that way, that’s fine. I have no problems with that. It’s your interpretation after all. It’s people saying it’s definitely canon that I take issue with.)

First and fore most, Wukong literally can’t have siblings. Sure, he can have siblings by choice, like the other pilgrims, but he was born from a rock, y’all. I think we would’ve heard if the rock had done anything else.

Secondly: The text of Journey to the West does NOT say they are brothers. I don’t know why we have to go through this so many times. In fact; in Journey to the West, it says they didn’t even know each other. The Six Eared Macaque, as well as Sun Wukong, are declared as the same species (a mystic monkey, that doesn’t match up with any other kind of being, of which there are only four in this world), not as family. Six Eared Macaque was only able to disguise himself as Sun Wukong, and copy his abilities, because of his ability to hear the past present and future- he listened to all the training Wukong did, and thus replicated it. And even with the ability to hear so much, outside of no-one being able to tell the two monkeys apart, he doesn’t actually do that good of a job at pretending to be Wukong (hitting Tripitaka on the head for example). The two of them had never met before this in Journey to the West canon.

(I’m mainly keeping this post about Journey to the West, but it’s obvious Lego Monkie Kid has changed many backstories. However; if the show was going to go with the route of them being brothers, I’m extremely certain it would’ve been stated by now. For one, the creators do interact with the fans, and have encouraged Macaque/Wukong content. Secondly, “beloved friend” would most certainly have been changed to “dear brother”. He would’ve described the hero and the warrior as brothers in that story, because there literally would not have been a better time to drop that information story wise. If they were going to be confirmed as siblings, it would’ve been done by now, I assure you. Of course, this doesn’t mean I think Macaque/Wukong will be canon either. If anything, it’ll just stick to them being friends, which makes perfect sense in a story that focuses on friends and found family like this. You can headcanon them as brothers if you want, but do not go running around claiming it as canon- and telling newcomers who are questioning and genuinely don’t know that it’s canon.)

Thirdly: “but what about the movies where they’re brothers” you say. “but what about Dislyte, where they’re brothers” you say. Now look at me. If you were heterosexual, and you saw a story like the Six Eared Macaque being obsessed with Sun Wukong’s life, what would you take away from that??? Almost definitely, the first answer in your mind would be siblings. Not to mention the other popular idea of him literally being part of Sun Wukong (this is also not canon. Sure, allegorically he might represent Wukong’s internal battle with his violent tendencies, but literally almost every character in Journey to the West is an allegory. The whole damn book is an allegory. But we’re not looking at the allegory here, we’re looking at the story), these are both common directions that would be taken. But just because it makes for good story potential, to give a deeper meaning behind these two characters by making them siblings or part of one whole, does not make it canon. You can’t look at one interpretation of a story and say it was canon to another. Would you take Gnomeo and Juliet and say “well since they survived at the end, it must be canon they survived in the original play, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong”? No. No you wouldn’t. Because that’s an assumption, that’s a twist on a story to give a new meaning to it. But even if it’s fun, it’s not part of the original.

So, to put a cap on this post, sure, go ahead, think of the Six Eared Macaque and Sun Wukong as brothers if you want. I literally couldn’t care less. That’s your own interpretation of it. Block the shadowpeach tag if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s what tag blocking is for.

But do not. Do Not go into people’s askboxes and tell them the Six Eared Macaque and Sun Wukong are canonically related. Do not go into the askboxes of people who ship shadowpeach and send them death threats for their own interpretation of a shows interpretation of two guys who didn’t even know each other in the original text. Do Not tell people who ask that the two of them are canonically related, because then you’re just spreading misinformation.

Once again, if you view them as family, and don’t do any of the above, you’re fine, this post is not about you. Have fun with your ideas and stories /gen

This is the only post I’m ever going to make on this subject. If you try to argue with me you will be blocked. You can reblog, but for the sake of my anxiety I’d rather not have any replies or comments on this.

Please, y’all. If I can have enough respect to stay in my own bubble, and not force shadowpeach on people who don’t want it, and can keep myself from claiming that it’s going to be canon, then why can’t the people who have decided to interpret them as brothers do the same?

#Monkie Kid #JTTW #Journey to the West #tagging the big names here because i want this to reach #gonna be honest. im terrified to be posting this. but i GLANCED in the main tag today and saw something and just. #i cant. ive had this rant building in me since august of last year. i cant keep silent about it anymore #i'd rather not post this at all. might even delete it. i dont like interacting with drama #i HATE fandom drama #i know the reason why there seems to be so much of it here is because the LMK fandom is new #and still growing #and that things will probably settle down in a bit #but i just. every time i see someone say ''Macaque and Wukong are DEFINITELY brothers'' #instead of ''i view them as brothers'' #i just get SO FUCKING ANXIOUS #i remember the initial drama #(which. by the way was started by one person. one. Just One. One person was all it took for nobody to check sources) #i remember my friends getting hate messages and death threats #and i remember everyone taking a break from shadowpeach for a bit #and. tbh. it's never felt the same. there's not as much content of it anymore. #it almost feels like everyone panicked and scrambled for new ships to replace the ''oh so awful shadowpeach'' #and even after things settled down. the damage had been done. #too many people too scared to come back into creating the content they had enjoyed creating before #just ONE PERSONS POST was enough to ruin the comfort and fun of so many people #and i will never forgive nor recover from that. #..... #vent #this is very much a vent post #i think im going to go offline for the next hour or two #to give this post a bit to settle down after i post it. #i might delete it after i come back online. who knows.

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.

If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.

Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.

#positivity #disability positivity #partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability #i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue #and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect #but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy #but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do #and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst #man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe... #...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him... #...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed... #...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that... #...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried

[ohplasticheart]

I'm not sure

#fob #fall out boy #fob8 #love from the other side #so much (for) stardust #fob art #hi i think i hate this #i spend way too long over thinking about it soooo im just saying fuck it and here it goes #i know it looks werid in places dont mention it #can you tell i just could not decide on a font so i just roll with it #okay im getting anxious bye

[eddiezpaghetti]

Okay, so my experience with Stranger Things is a weird one.

I didn't care when it first came out, started to watch it out of "might as well" in 2020, wasn't interested in it enough to make it past S2, forgot about it outside of going "oh, hey, cool, there's a lesbian in it now, I guess," in S3, got really annoyed when "Running Up That Hill" got popular from it because it was a song I listened to on fucking loop after one of my best friends died in high school and I fully expected its appearance in the show to ignore the whole survivor's guilt theme of the song (and was very happy to learn later that it did the exact opposite of ignoring the lyrics), saw people drawing Eddie, suddenly got a lot more interested, watched just the fourth season like a fucking psychopath because I was seriously only there for Eddie, then got interested enough to start the show over properly, having mostly forgotten what I did watch of the show before.

And let me tell you something from the perspective of someone who started with the complete fourth season, who wasn't there from the start, who wasn't tainted by ship goggles or this internal battle of hope and despair, who wasn't theorizing about what the painting could be or expecting Mike and Will to kiss when Volume 2 happened or rooting for Mike and Eleven's relationship to go down in flames or whatever the fuck. Just someone who went blind into Season 4.

It's really fucking obvious that Will and Mike are gonna be endgame.

Like holy fuck. It's so fucking blatant I don't even know why people are nervous.

No sane fucking person would shoot this scene this way if they wanted the audience to care about El and Mike as a couple. Despite being all blurry in the background, Will's reaction to what's happening here is smackdab in the fucking middle, clearly showing that the important part is what's going through his head here. What he's feeling. It's like the opposite of that scene from Kingdom Hearts II where Sora and Riku reunite and Kairi just fucking vanishes into the aether while it's happening because, despite the fact that she was standing between them when the scene began, she doesn't matter to the scene, so she's just kind of gone when the camera angle changes. Will could have been behind one of their heads, or so far in the distance he blends in with the background, but he's not. He's so obvious that despite being massively blurred out, he's still the first goddamn thing you look at. What, you think that's an accident? You think he's in the middle of this dramatic fucking scene because of a mistake? He basically has a big flashing neon arrow pointing at him with "THIS IS THE POINT" being screamed through a megaphone.

And then this?

They're paired up like they're taking fucking prom pictures. Each one of these pairs is so fucking close to one another and so fucking far from everyone else. It's not, "Oh, they're standing vaguely near each other in a group shot," it's fucking Noah's Ark out here. Again, there's no way to take this as an accident. It's not just a framing issue. If they wanted to make the shot look balanced while still not hiding anyone else behind El, they would have scattered people around much more naturally. Even if they wanted to keep Nancy with Jonathan and Hopper with Joyce, there's so much room on that hill for three people to stand on El's left and three on her right. But they didn't do that. They put Mike and Will together on purpose in the most obvious way possible.

Like I get that coming up with crackpot theories is fun in and of itself and I'm not blaming anyone for having fun. I totally get the appeal of arguing a point and reaching for every stupid little thing to pull into it because it's like a game, okay? I've done that. But if you're trying to actually convince someone (whether it's someone who wants to believe or someone who's pissed at the very idea that Mike and Will could be in love), stay away from blue and yellow lights, stay away from costume design, stay away from the existence of closets in backgrounds. And don't worry about whether Mike's gay or bi when he's in love with Will either way. I'll give you a little tip about persuasion: You're only as strong as your weakest argument. Even if you've got strong stuff in there, too, the person you're trying to convince is going to dismiss anything you say as complete insanity the second you start going on an entire tangent about the shape of a character's fucking pocket.

Sometimes, clothes are just clothes. Sometimes, there's a closet in the background because it helps establish that a character is in a bedroom. Sometimes, blue and yellow are just a couple of colors that look nice together. And sure, it might be set designers and costume designers and cinematographers smirking and winking at the audience from behind the camera. But if the show was just those things, instead of those things in the context of everything else, they wouldn't be saying anything of note.

But this?

This tells a story all on its own. Someone with no context can look at this and automatically assume that each paired person is standing with someone they care about deeply, seeking comfort as they watch some sort of disaster unfold. And yeah, romantic couples usually come in twos, and we live in an amatonormative society, so that's going to be the first association anyone makes seeing a bunch of people paired off.

It's the same reason you look at this

And go, "Oh..."

"Those two are probably a couple."

And I genuinely don't understand how people could have watched S4 Vol. 2 and gotten scared. Because as someone who went in with no investment whatsoever, I just looked at these two--

--and went, "Oh, those two are a couple. Good for them." And I moved on. Shut up about the trees for five seconds and just see the forest for what it is.

Oh, and if you're still nervous? Little thing from a storyteller here: You don't leave a hanging thread like "Will confessed his romantic feelings for Mike by projecting them onto El, but Mike either didn't understand or at least didn't say he understood," without coming back to that later. That's Chekov's gun hanging on the wall, babes. It's gonna fire at some point. If Mike was going to reject Will's feelings, if they weren't relevant, they would have had that discussion in Argyle's van. There'd be no reason to leave you in suspense.

#byler #meta #stranger things #theory #I mean I fucking guess #in the same way gravity is a fuckin' theory. #It feels silly that I even have to say this honestly. #Watching people freak out over these two feels like I'm being pranked. #Like you guys aren't pulling a Goncharov are you? Just making believe there's any chance these two aren't gonna be endgame? #Like completely ironically? And I'm too autistic to catch it? #It genuinely feels like I'm explaining that red and blue make purple here. As if you guys should have learned this in kindergarten. #Or like watching whole-ass adults watch Cinderella for the first time and being on the edge of their seat #wondering if she's going to live happily ever after with the prince or not. #It feels like I'm talking DOWN to people and I don't WANT it to feel like that but it's so obvious and I don't want people to be like #anxious for no reason you know? #Like I get that we're all scarred from queerbaiting and I know you guys are biased from years of shipping these kids. #But like. These guys? The most obvious 'there's only one way this could go' couple I've ever seen? You're scared about THEM?

[comradekatara]

and that's all i'm gonna say about that!

#id in alt text #avatar the last airbender #atla #memery #barbie #katara #sokka #katara&sokka #art #mart #i know i just said that sokka is barbie but he IS katara's ken. she is his raison d'etre ergo he is her ken #and if she gets herself arrested he WILL support her #but that doesn't mean he's gonna be happy about it!!!!! #i keep seeing fanart of sokka smiling in the mugshot or katara looking anxious and that's so fucked up to me #sokka is an obedient eldest child who is so afraid of getting in trouble w authority figures #meanwhile katara has literally gotten arrested on purpose before and loves pissing off anyone in charge of anything #including but not limited to sokka #did not put any real effort into this one bc . i did not want to #but still. i had to speak my truth ok

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

#theres no peace #every little thing reminds me we are poor #seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time #im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly #the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job #and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support #and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money #because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live #its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin #time #cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for #sorry for the ranting i cant sleep #truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin #more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful #i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it #i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things #spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income #not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it

[yellowocaballero]

Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.

Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?

Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3

TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.

I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)

Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:

"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.

"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.

"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.

"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.

I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.

'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.

People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.

#my asks #thanks for enabling me lizzy if i didn't get this out i would have just vagued for the rest of time #even just beyond all of this on a more subtle lvl. HC people with SMI cowards. just do it. its good for you. #the two times me/a close friend have proposed on a fandom server "hey I read X as having a SUD/being on the schizophrenic spectrum' #there was actual fascinating pushback and rejection #people got MAD. #'blorbo wouldn't be an alcoholic he's not a bad person :(' fuck off #i dont use the word often but its ableism and you can be mentally ill and still ableist #if you dont feel educated enough on something to write it then do research #and while research wont give you everything it's a start #if you feel like you can only write people just like you then frankly? skill issue #i mentioned that the last fic was a bit of a spite fic - well #it was scientifically fascinating how the majority of a fandom wrote/acknowledged a character as depressed and anxious #but actively got incredibly defensive when someone suggested that the psychotic character may have had a psychotic disorder #it was so blatant. very annoying. anyway.

[snowflake-sage]

Standing in the kitchen at 3am with your dog barking at you and your friend barking at you over the phone is kind of a core memory

#get you a friend that stays on the line all night bc you hate being alone in the house at night #I’m watching the house for a few days bc my mom and grandma are on vacay #I’m not anxious or afraid I just feel uncomfortable being alone for so long #like I’m fine I can handle it I just dislike it #sceppy was the one barking at me #we literally fell asleep over discord call #fucking love him #he also barked at me #art #doodle #drawing #furry #furryart #fursona #digital art #furry fandom #furry art #furry anthro #mae rambles

[dennisboobs]

squeezy

#the amount of fucking stimming he does in this ep is insane #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dennis reynolds #autistic dennis reynolds #ada speaks #ada's videos #dennisisms #literally like. just watch him at any point he's on screen #permanently in a state of Uncomfortable and needing to self soothe #guy who hides in small enclosed spaces when he's upset #and when he can't do that he grabs at and massages his fingers #this is a glannerism because he does it as jack too but i wonder. why. for den. #whether it's meant to be grounding via light pain or soothing via massage #when i get anxious my left palm and the base of my fingers start aching so i see this and i go. hmm. #it could just be glenn subconsciously reaching for his wedding band to play with but he did this as den before he was married #or at least the fingertip squeezing.

[tai-janai]

littel... voices,,, hug and makeu p...

ill do the rest of the scene too so part one i guess

#i kept reading thar 'for what' as if para just wanted him to specify #like he had already forgiven him but he just wanted to hear it #yeah smitty you do not want to get involved in that #nobody can blame para for getting so attached to hero. LOOK AT HIM. #SOFTIEST FUCKING GUY TO EVER EXIST #RUNNING OFF INTO DANGER #who would win #man with zero self-preservation #or his angry anxious wife #stp little voices fanart #little voices #the voices #parahero #para #hero #voice of the paranoid #voice of the hero #remaking-machine + tai-janai

[notsosecretlyalesbian]

"Nothing like the smell of cigarettes and vinegar. I don't smoke or nothin'. Just, I like being around it. It reminds me of my chidlhood"

Lisa Ann Walter as Melissa Schemmenti in Abbott Elementary | 02×01: Development Day

#melissa schemmenti #lisa ann walter #abbott elementary #dailyabbottelementary #abbottedit #abbottgifs #abbottelementarygifs #abbottelementaryedit #my gifs #look hear me out: SHE'S FUCKING PERFECT I'D RISK EVERYTHING #also those last two? I make no apologies #and I want to be a piece of candy so she can put me- SORRY I'LL STOP #but not really 😈 #I'mma put this in my queue and go to sleep otherwise i'll get too anxious cause i love this gifset and they always flop when i like them #and hey if you have any suggestions or just want to say hi my asks and dms are always open to everyone! love you all x #notsosecretlyalesbian.gifs #notsosecretlyalesbian.law.gifs #notsosecretlyalesbian

[agnisleftpec]

in light of lie detector tests irl being mostly bullshit, especially so for people with anxiety, combined with fandom shoving all their mental disorders onto their faves cuz projection is fun, i propose a much more chaotic take on zuko joining the gaang wherein toph can NOT get a fuckin read on this guy and kind of wants him to just sit down and breathe for a second thanks, your heartrate is giving her a headache

#as with most of my ideas #time for jokes #the gaang ends up at a standstill cuz they really DO need a firebending teacher #but they cant fuckin tell if zuko is lying #at first they assume he's just like azula #but then toph's genuine concern for his heart health shuts that down #and so they begin opperation calm zuko the fuck down #which does not work at all #cuz the gaang suddenly switching from 'mm dont trust you' to 'hey lets do a spa day' is concerning to say the least #and then joke prompts aside #the angst potential if toph ever misinterprets anxiety as a lie #especially in the early days of zuko joining the gaang #things could go wrong pretty fast #is hyper anxious zuko pretty ooc? yeah #do i care? no #two versions of any character in my head #one is classic best efoort interpretation of canon #other is a free for all of headcanons and projection #both are valid and both are constantly pinging around in my head #you dont get to choose how i play with my dolls asgjfhdh #atla #zuko #toph #book three #insp

[just-an-anxious-mess]

#just an anxious mess rambling #mentally i am unwell #bad coping mechanisms #i feel like crap #drinking away the pain #it was either alcohol or sh again #i went for the less destructive one #depression memes #sh meme #bad coping mechanism meme #memes are how i cope #i wish to self-destruct #self-destructive memes #that therapy appointment feels so far away #my life is falling apart #if i attempt again the ambulance wont get here on time #so i will try my best to cope other ways #alcohol numbs everything for a bit #i cant even fucking make myself dinner without being in agony #it hurts just to exist #it's like a constant reminder sign that i shouldn't be alive #if i drink enough i wont remember to be depressed and I'll actually manage to sleep for more than an hour #sami talks too much

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

#normal things to think after your doctor tells you you need to get a blood test re-taken bc you mistimed your dose #I'm just. I'm tired man. #I've been putting off a phone call for two months #i spend every day lately torn between do I need to go to hospital or am I just unfit and anxious #I rot and decay when left alone but also people are Too Much #I want to Create but I can't get started and when I do I'm just so disappointed with whatever I make #I'm exhausted but I'm awake at 4am bc if i go to sleep tomorrow will start and I'll have to do this all again #and I need so fucking badly for someone to just crush me so hard in a really long hug until my bones realign #and i need to find past me shake her by the shoulders and yell “you're fine! you'll be fine! cut your hair! eat your greens! #take up swimming and also some new pronouns! no one else will respect em but they're for YOU and so is the health stuff #please for the love of fucking god just look after yourself better than i did!“ #there's toooooo many fuckin holes in this sinking ship #I need a full body MOT and then to be cradled against the chest of a large gentle man for 12-36 hours #mr. bees speaks

[his-grapejuice]

hehe. rode my friends kawasaki (650cc). i am so scared. if i do it again i WILL film it (i dont think ill do it again that was very scary) cause i had this really wholesome interaction with a dude on a bmw. he shoved his hand outside his window and made the rev motion with his fist but i was scared to rev it so my friend (whos bike i was riding) revved it from the back (he gave me instructions yall dw) and the bmw man laughed and thumbs upped. :sob: that was SO wholesome... of course i struggled with the shift like i always fucking do but its fine i was safe. just that- er- i was made fun of for a very long time. very, very long time.

#fun fact i think hes also from my uni but we have never talked before... but ive seen his car in the parking lot a couple times b4 #its so nice #but i was terrified #the backpack-passenger princess is the life for me yall #whenever they want me to drive oh jesus take the wheel its their last day on earth #ok thats a lie im a decent driver #but #im just really fucking anxious for 0 reason #no #no i have a reason i get distracted quite easily so i usually have to like #loop one song so i dont focus on whats playing but im also not spacing out bc of the silence #oh #man and i just wanna record and psot on my instagra #and its not like my parents would have a HUUUGE problem with it but my aunts and uncles would see it and just #go ballistic #on my parents bc “IS THIS HOW THEY RAISE THEIR CHILD???” yes bro #yes #this is how they raised me AND #AND??? #anyways #nect what #i wanna drive a luxury car but i KNOW #ill be more scared to #bc with a bike i can... think faster? #but w a car #if idk what to do ill just panick and either a) step on it or b) abruptly stop or c) something else but ill fuck up SO BAD #this is tempting #i should write a biker gojo fic #i should should a car guy gojo fic omg #OH GOD IM WRITING CSR GUY GOJO HEACCDAONS BE RIgt bakcm

[silenthillbunni]

sometimes i fantasize abt being the one with the clingy gf instead of being the clingy gf ㅠㅠ

#like... #getting tons of texts all the time. having playlists made for me. uhh what else do the clingy gf do??? #ask me abt every single detail of my day and life and personality. hmm write love letters to me. make a collage book w memories for me #read a book where on girl did that for the others and she belittled it and ridiculed her and i was like WTF?!?!? #if a gf did that to me i would DIE FOR HER!!!!! wtf that is so cute #i dont know sometimes i just think that'd be nice #to instead of being the clinger i'd have her clingy for me #well it's all just daydreams idk i was just imagining a scenario w a gf who blew up my phone when i was at work #i dont have a job but like it was all a fantasy lmaoooo. and ig the thought is nice bc irl #im the clingy one and i feel so anxious bc i mean im so fucking annoying and i talk way too much and i psuh everyone away being so awful #idk if 'she' would be clingy w me i like now i love her and can reassure her #so rlly its just all about me..... hmmm selfcest? 👀