#i just want you back

[vvitchy-succubus]

4 weeks today since you were taken from me. I miss you an unimaginable amount kid. I miss that stupid fucking laugh. I miss your shitty jokes. I miss you picking on me. I miss ranting together. I miss screaming music in the car. I miss your bone crushing hugs and how you would always kiss the top of my head 3 times in a silent "I love you sis". I miss waking up to "hey ugly, I hate you" and responding that I hate you more. I miss calling you upset and you'd let me cry and vent and then you'd of course tell me to stop being so fucking soft. I would do anything for one more phone call, one more snapchat, one more hug.

I'm trying so hard to keep going. I'm trying to accept that you're never coming home again. I hate every second of it and all I want is to scream and rage at the universe, but I'm not. I'm waking up every day and giving out every ounce of energy I have left because I know you would not stand for me laying in bed every day crying. I'm trying kid. I love you too the moon and back and even farther, forever and ever.

#my Andrew #grieving is a fucking joke #i hate every second of this #i just want you back #me #personal

[findingpeaceinconnection-blog]

from her perspective

we were sweaty from the audition but we both felt we'd done well. it was a hard dance but no one got it perfect. i looked at you sitting putting your shoes on. shall we go to the bar you said.

uh sure. thing is you didnt look in the mood for a drink. i knew something was up when we sat down and you said i dont want a drink. i cant describe how you looked. you weren't just angry, but disappointed, sad, confused, and clearly dreading this conversation. what could have happened? i started going through everything in my mind that I couldve done.

it's not you. we need to talk about him.

him? our friend, our housemate? soon to be my business partner? this couldnt have been about that one thing he did, that was so long ago and we dealt with it and we'd moved on hadnt we?

then you started explaining. you wouldnt say everything in specifics. you had promised people "his victims" that you wouldnt tell me. people didnt trust me? didnt trust me to not immediately tell him what theyd accused him of?

it was awful and you said you couldnt even explain the worst of it.

in one of the dnd games i dmd for you, you killed a man who had done something horrific. you said i cant tell you the worst he's done but i want him dead.

was that you trying to tell me in your way without breaking your promise?

but wanting him dead. he's our friend how could you talk about him that way?

but what if this was all true? you're not a liar. except maybe you are cause you said you learned this over the last few weeks i learned all of this in 20 minutes.

you begged me to not go into business with him. you said thats why you were telling me now. our group project was over as the four of us so it was the perfect time.

and then you gave the ultimatum.

him or you, and other people you implied. the rest of our group knew and you didnt tell me?

you didnt trust me either. my friend doesnt trust me. why should i trust her.

i stopped responding. you offered to get me some water and left me to it.

when you came back i drank and we sat in silence. you looked so sad.

eventually we got up and started walking home

when we got close to the house i turned to you.

can i talk to him about this?

your face fell.

sure. and then you looked out the window.

we walked the last bit in silence and when we came home i went straight to his room.

i remember it from my perspective, so this was me trying to do empathy to help me process my grief.

i cant imagine what he said to you. i cant imagine how you made the choice you did.

why didnt you choose me?

#writeblr #writing #creative writing #writer #writers on tumblr #emotional processing #friendship grief #i miss her so much #i miss them #why didnt you choose me #i just want you back #i can only process this now its over #its been over a year since this our last real conversation #what an awful last conversation

[aylasology]

And if I said I wanted to write Robin Buckley angst

#robin buckley #stranger things #robin buckley stranger things #robin buckley x reader #aylasology #robin buckley x fem!reader #robin buckley fanfiction #robin buckley x reader fanfiction #I just listened to 'everything' by MUNA and I suddenly realized I still havent moved on from my ex #Fuck summer flings #Fuck summer flings and the feelings that stay #Baby please come back I still want you #Idgaf that you were cheating on me anymore #i just want you back

[howlsmovingwaifu]

I’m either too much or not enough..

#I just want you back #my heart feels so fucking heavy #and i don’t know what to do #or how to fix it anymore

[indigo6f00ff]

need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago

(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)

#my hands are still shaking to be quite honest i could not put a lot of effort into this. #but like. brain. why did you do that #literally i have been like hopelessly obsessed with de nonstop thinking abt it for the past couple of days it is Scaring me #it is terminal its soooo fucking chronic #disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #for anyone who wants to know i bumped into some guys car that was stopped for a school bus. i think my brain errored and thought #my foot was fully pressing down on the brake pedal but it wasnt. #i am like 99.99 percent sure neither of us had any major damage to our cars but we still filed a police report just in case #because insurance do be a bitch. dudes back bumper was scratched lightly and my front license plate has a dent now #also literally my first ever car accident that ive had ever yippee yay

[ventvee]

in tears over snails and deer

#i just want you back

[jaradraws]

DISCLAIMER: the blood is a feature, not a bug 🩸☎️

#you could probably compress some corporate horror social commentary in here #'we create tech with the heart to love you back 🫀' #this isn't rly one of those things tho i just wanted to make a gross lil sticker sheet comparing veins and wires #jara draws stuff #original #cw: body horror #cw: blood #cw: gore

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate. #you just want to help her‚ but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of you‚ kissing you‚ risking her life for you and you #think‚ i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berries‚ when she puts them in her mouth. #then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty #house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you think‚ i survived the games. i could survive #this. and you also think‚ i should've bit down on those berries‚ should've felt the juice burst before i died. #and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you think‚ she will live and i will die as i should have in the first #place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever #given to you‚ in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and #you think‚ i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get tortured‚ your mind altered. the girl is a mutt‚ a murderer. she's #everything you despise‚ your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you #have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the line‚ you grow in love #more than you thought possible. but some days‚ you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your life‚ you love me. #real or not real? and she says‚ real‚ and kisses you. #and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love. #lit #the hunger games #everlark #otp: real or not real? #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #text #tais toi lys #thgpost

[yeah-they-call-me-d]

the sinking feeling of realizing you are gone forever is here again.

i miss you so much it is crippling me in every possible way. i love you to my core. it is disgusting the level of love that i have for you.

you are the reason i keep trying to do better and be better. everything feels the same. every day is getting worse. i know i am going to get to your birthday, mine, christmas, new years, valentines, repeat and watch another time i want to spend with you pass me by.

i have so few regrets in my life, but how i handled shit with you is by far my biggest one.

sometimes it feels like you are the puzzle piece that fits, but from an entirely different puzzle. maybe i was the fuck up for constantly getting inbetween you finding your fit in your own world. maybe i shook up the universal balance by continually gravitating back to you. maybe this is my karma.

i fell in love with someone that i can never have. now i sit in agonizing pain wishing they would come back. the problem is, they don’t come back.

maybe love is fleeting. maybe there is no such thing as true love or a soul mate. maybe all these concepts are similar to religion and they are made for us to feel better about something that is terrifying.

maybe i should have just settled into my depressing relationship because honestly at least it was somewhat distracting from the hole in my chest i feel every single night.

one day, i will be gone. will you miss me? will you be glad? to this day, i don’t know. the thing i do know is you will be better off.

i love you michael, i always will.

#+ #i kind of wish you dont come back #if i ruined it again or you left i would never be okay #i’m not okay now #who am i kidding #i just want you back #i think you destroying me would feel better #i love you

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[maedictus]

Some unposted Tolkien art I've been collecting over the years 💫

Huan and Lúthien | Yavanna and Aulë | Celeborn and Galadriel | Fingon | Galadriel but Art Nouveau | Vairë, the Weaver | Lórien and Mandos | Some Hobbiteses

#I don't think I want to tag all of these characters #So let's leave it be #Can you see how my art style just changes so much #I've been trying to go back to my traditional art style though #It's been way more fun for me #tolkien #silmarillion #lord of the rings #lotr #illustration #artists on tumblr #my art #artwork #art

[fiercd]

i hurt myself to sleep with the memories of you

#and how they meant nothing to you #when that’s all i breathe for #i just want you back #i wasn’t enough for you and i’m sorry

[favoure]

"do the opposite of what people tell you to do"

#desert duo #grian #goodtimeswithscar #secret life #mcyt #trafficblr #favourarts #ok to tag as ship #so i posted this to twitter first right #and the amount of people i have in my replies saying that they'll kill themselves is honestly Very funny #anyways im back :)) #i missed drawing these two GOD #okay life update in the tags for this piece is: something about finals season just makes you want to draw more #<- has been saying this for 4 days straight now #YAAAAAAYYYY i got another desert duo sketch cooking fellas and this one is a Bit more self indulgent if yk what i mean hehe #<- SEE U IN THE SIDEBLOG

[anneapocalypse]

So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.

#yes i'm just going to come out and say it i'm talking about sera #not exclusively but i am talking about her #'but her writer actually iS A--' you don't know that! it doesn't matter! and i don't care! #just say that you do not like the character. #people will reblog posts about the latest actor or YA author or whatever getting forced out of the closet and be like #'wow. :( that's terrible.' #and then GO RIGHT BACK TO DOING IT #when are we going to learn #when are we going to stop doing this BEFORE somebody is forcibly outed #because in practical terms #that means you have to be okay with queer characters being written by straight people. #you have to stop weaponizing that against writers you don't like. #you have to be willing to critique the writing on its own merits #without using the writer's (assumed) identity to prop up your arguments #that's how it works #but who wants to actually change the way they talk about media #when tearing apart people's identities for clout is far more entertaining. #gwaren exports #fandom problems #fandom critical

[huang-er-jiejie]

i. i just realised something about the kiss.

the way when aziraphale puts both of his hands on crowley's back, you can see them kinda shift so aziraphale isn't leaning. he held onto crowley for stability, and leaned in. pushed closer to him. he leaned forward. anyone ever says he didn't want the kiss im going to hunt you down because HE HELD CLOSE!!! HE KISSED BACK!!!!

EDIT: also im like WELL aware he kissed back i was even when i first watched it like its not a big revelation, its just that SOME people☠️ on TIKTOK☠️ KEEP SAYING HE WAS DISGUSTED BY THE KISS???? like i swear some people are watching a different show entirely

#HE KISSED BACK. ANYONE SAYS OTHERWISE I SWEAR TO GOD. #HE WANTS THE KISS!! ITS JUST THAT A PART OF HIM FEELS BAD ABOUT IT! #HE FEELS BAD FOR WANTING IT #even if they spent so long dismantling his belief of 'we're on opposite sides' #hes just always going to feel that way deep down #he wants the kiss. its just that why did it have to happen that way. #good omens #gos2 spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #azirafell #good omens 2 #'i forgive you' maybe in the way that the kiss can be seen as a temptation #like in the garden of eden #but crowley is the apple. he is the forbidden fruit

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍 #hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well. #obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it. #realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway. #so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct! #and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want... #best case scenario. is what i'm saying. #every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day. #fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :) #aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself. #FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao