#i miss my ryan sm too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jebewonmorelike · 11 months

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Dark Blue On You

wc: 7k (HAHAHA WHAT) pronouns: none used; n/a warnings: swearing, angsty with a happy ending but its funny/fluffy too, mentions of others drinking, mentions of hooking up; think pg-13 for this one; also taerae in that suit should be a warning in and of itself warnings for spicy cut scene: MINORS DNI!!!-- mature/suggestive/smut themes-- MINORS SKIP THIS CUT SCENE AND CONTINUE READING BELOW IT!!! (fic makes perfect sense without it) linked here and linked in fic for correct placement in story summary: bestfriend!reader is so excited when the star of the soccer team finally asks them to prom. but when losercore!taerae asks his lab partner to prom out of the blue, reader's sudden jealousy takes them by surprise... basically the prom-themed best friends to lovers of your dreams, okay? okay :) ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ GUYS! HI! it's been so long. i missed you! this was 7,000 words (plus the cut scene) so i'm sorry but that's why it took so long. was also feeling a bit rundown in terms of writing so i really needed to pace myself. but i saw those pictures of taerae in that suit and i swear to god i'm a different person now, so this is the fic you get from that brainrot. also not sure if the suit was actually blue, but that's how it looked in the pics so i ran with it. SO many fun things happening in the zb1 world in the past few days! let me know what you think of this one :) love you sm

“If you steal one more of my sweet potato fries (Y/N), I swear I’m gonna--.”

You pop the orange-colored french fry into your mouth, grinning at Taerae smugly. “You’re gonna what?”

Eyes narrowed at you through dorky, wire-framed glasses, your best friend pouts annoyedly. “One day you’ll fear my wrath.”

“Wouldn’t count on it,” you respond with a giggle. Despite his angry demeanor, Taerae turns his lunch tray so that the sweet potato fries are now facing you-- giving you easier access to one of your favorite snacks.

“You could just go back up and get your own, you know,” he persists with his performance even as he squeezes more ketchup onto his tray for you to dip the fries in. “What would you do without me?”

“Sarcastic answer: finally achieve a peaceful existence,” you joke, popping another fry into your mouth. “Serious answer... I’d be lost without you.”

You watch as Taerae’s glasses fog up a bit; the way they always did when he received a compliment or you were being a bit too sincere with him. He takes them off quickly, clearing his throat as he wipes the lenses with the hem of his polo shirt.

A pile of books slam down onto your lunch table as your friend Dohyun plops onto the bench beside you. “(Y/N)! Just the person I wanted to talk to.”

“Do you ever talk to anyone else?” You quip, earning a glare from the skinny boy.

“I talk to Taerae hyung, too,” he mumbles. You glance at your best friend, noticing how quiet he’s gotten all of a sudden. “And I like him better than you anyway.”

You shrug. “That makes two of us.”

“What I was going to ask you is,” Dohyun starts; pulling out his lunchbox from his backpack and opening it up. “Has Ryan asked you to prom yet?”

Taerae audibly gulps from across the table. You frown at him, wondering why he’s acting so weird.

“No,” you answer softly. “He hasn’t. And I definitely don’t think he’s going to anymore.”

“I don’t know what you saw in Ryan anyway,” Dohyun says, shaking his head disapprovingly. “He only wanted one thing from you.”

Taerae chokes on his apple juice suddenly and you take the carton from his hand-- placing it back on the table pointedly as he coughs into his elbow.

“That’s enough, Dohyun,” you scold. “And for the record, I’m as pure as the day you met me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” the younger boy laughs. “So… Are you gonna go to prom alone, or?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “I already bought my outfit. I had it altered to fit perfectly, so I don’t really think I can return it at this point.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” Taerae says finally. “I know you were really looking forward to going with Ryan. He’s gonna regret not asking you. But um...”

Your brow furrows as you wait for Taerae to continue his sentence. He’s looking at you kind of funny now-- eyes wide and anxious.

“Well, if you already have an outfit and stuff, I was thinking that... Um...” You watch curiously as he bends over to his side and begins shuffling through his backpack. “Fuck, where is it?”

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Someone suddenly calls behind you. Your head whips around to find Ryan walking towards your lunch table, his signature charming smirk on his lips. He’s carrying a duffel bag over his shoulder for soccer practice as he lands in front of you.

“Hi Ryan,” you greet sweetly, brain turning to mush. You’d first met the star of the soccer team officially when your Math teacher assigned you to tutor him a few months ago. He’d been in serious jeopardy of being kicked off the team for his failing grades, but with an hour of tutoring every other day, you’d helped him climb back up to a solid C+. The afternoon he received his first unit test grade since you’d started tutoring him, he had been thrilled to see B- circled in red at the top of the page...

So thrilled, in fact, that he’d kissed you at your back corner table in the library.

And he’d kept kissing you. For the rest of that tutoring session... And then the one after that... And the one after that... And the one after that until your meetings had become more of a hybrid tutoring-and-make-out session.

That had been the extent of your “relationship” though. He was always busy with soccer and his meathead friends and ogling popular girls at the library tables next to you when your faces weren’t connected.

But he was the first boy to ever pay attention to you like this-- and he was so handsome to boot. The attention and the fantasy muddied every intelligent and rational thought in your brain. Even if you were being used, you weren’t really ready for it to stop.

One day as you were approaching the library, you stopped in your tracks as you heard Ryan’s voice around the corner. He was talking to one of his jock friends and you held your breath as you attempted to hear their conversation.

“All of the cheerleaders already have dates, dude,” Ryan’s friend relays. “Why did you wait so long?”

Ryan was silent for a moment before responding, “Even Steph?”

“Even Steph,” his friend confirmed. “Injun asked her yesterday.”

“Damnit.”

“Well, you’ve gotta go with somebody,” his friend urged. “Tyler’s parents are letting us use their lake house for the after party, so... Who’re you gonna ask!?”

“I’ll... I’ll find somebody,” Ryan responded and you heard the door to the library begin to squeak open.

“Hopefully somebody that’s gonna put out,” his friend joked and Ryan laughed along.

It was from that moment that you’d gotten it in your head that there was a chance that Ryan might ask you to prom. You’d gone shopping with your mom to pick out the perfect outfit, booked an appointment to get your hair styled for the occasion, and called a florist to purchase a boutonniere to pin on Ryan’s suit that matched your outfit.

As you’d doodled your name next to Ryan’s in your journal and decorated it with hearts one evening last week, your best friend Taerae laid on your bed-- legs dangling off the side as he strummed his guitar.

“(Y/N)...” He sang suddenly in an improvised melody. “Put down your pen... It’s getting annoying... So please tell me when...”

You turned around and glared at him, but he continued.

“You’ll stop your obsession... With that asshole named Ryan... He hasn’t even asked you to prom yet, what if he doesn’t ask you, your heart is gonna break and I’m gonna have to pick up the pieces and glue them all together again and--.”

“None of that rhymed.”

“Lyrics don’t have to rhyme for them to hold meaning,” Taerae responded, arms flopping onto the bed in a T-position dramatically. “I’m worried about you. I think this guy might be taking advantage of you.”

“At least someone wants to,” you joked, but the levity didn’t quite reach your voice. Taerae sat up abruptly; eyes fixing on you for a long moment. Finally, he sighed and pulled his guitar strap over his head-- placing the instrument beside him.

“A lot of people want to take advantage of you, (Y/N).”

Your jaw dropped as you watched Taerae realize what he just said. He’d already begun shaking his head and waving his arms about profusely by the time a smile crept onto your face.

“NOT WHAT I MEANT!” He shouted frantically and the sheer panic on his face was enough to make you burst out laughing. At the sound of your laughter, Taerae couldn’t help but grin and the appearance of his deep dimples was admittedly comforting to you. “You already knew that’s not what I meant but... I’m just trying to tell you he’s not the only guy that likes you.”

Your brow furrowed curiously. “Who else likes me?”

“Oh, uh,” Taerae stuttered nervously, averting your gaze. “Lots of guys. Other guys. Girls, too, probably. And nonbinary folk, I’m sure.”

You nodded, unconvinced. “Well all of those other people are gonna have to fight Ryan for my attention, I guess.”

Taerae gulped. “Right.”

“Now shut up, loser,” you said, spinning back around in your desk chair. “I’m trying to name me and Ryan’s fourth child.”

Now as Ryan stands in front of you, he glances at your only two friends that are also sitting at your lunch table. “Hey nerds.”

Taerae mumbles something under his breath but you aren’t paying him any attention.

“I’ll pick you up at 7, yeah?” Ryan asks suddenly, nodding at you.

Your lips part slightly in confusion. “What?”

“Tomorrow,” he responds brusquely. “Prom.”

“You--... We--... Us? Prom?” You know that gibberish is falling out of your mouth, but your ability to form a coherent sentence has flown out the window.

Ryan gives you an impatient smile. Of course he has every right to be impatient, you think. I can’t even speak well enough to answer his question. “Yeah. Text me your address.”

“We were actually gonna take photos at (Y/N)’s house beforehand,” Dohyun interjects.

Ryan frowns. “Oh. Yeah, okay. I can do that.”

“Really? That’s so nice of you; you don’t have to if you don’t want to!” You say quickly, grinning up at the tall boy.

“Nah, that’s cool. I’ll be there. See you then,” Ryan says with a smile before taking off towards the other end of the cafeteria. His smile is enough to burst your heart-- but lucky for you (and your poor friends), you’re able to muster up enough strength to keep living.

Instead, you merely scream; keeping your mouth closed to muffle the sound. When you finally return to the world around you, you suddenly notice how silent your friends are.

“What?” You ask, frowning at Dohyun. “Why aren’t you guys excited?”

You turn to Taerae, who is holding a large piece of folded up paper in his hands. “What’s that?”

Snatching it from his hands, Taerae immediately lunges across the table in a panic to grab it back from you. Dohyun also swoops in to steal the paper, but both of their efforts are in vain as you swivel around to face the opposite direction and open what appears to be a poster.

🌸🌺🌸 Will you go to prom with me? 🌸🌺🌸

“OH MY GOD!” You squeal, whipping back around to face your best friend. He rips the poster from your hands and begins folding it back up, cheeks turning red. “You’re asking someone to prom!? WHO!?”

“Oh thank god: you’re an idiot,” Dohyun mumbles, sinking back into his seat.

Your brow furrows confusedly. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” Taerae answers quickly. “No one said anything.”

“Taerae, if you don’t tell me who you’re asking to prom right now, I swear I’m gonna--.”

“MOLLY!” He shouts suddenly, eyes wide as he stares over your shoulder. You turn around to follow his gaze, spotting Taerae’s lab partner, Molly, a few tables behind you. She smiles when she hears Taerae call her name, getting up from her seat and walking over to your table.

“Hi Taerae,” she greets cheerfully, curly short hair bouncing with every step. The very smart, but sometimes obnoxious girl is blinking at your best friend nervously... Holy shit. Had Molly had a crush on Taerae this whole time and you hadn’t noticed?

More importantly... Had Taerae had a crush on her?

“Hi Molly, um... I was wondering,” he starts; his delivery of this promposal a little unprepared. That’s weird, you think. If Taerae was gonna ask someone out, I’m sure he would’ve rehearsed it in the mirror until he lost his voice…

“Dude,” Dohyun interrupts suddenly, eyes wide as he looks at Taerae.

Taerae just ignores him, clearing his throat and starting again; unfolding his poster onto the table once more. “I was wondering, actually, if you’d maybe like to possibly-- and no pressure or anything, maybe someone’s already asked you, but...”

“OH MY GOD! Of course I’ll go to prom with you,” Molly exclaims, throwing her arms around Taerae. You watch as he freezes, never one for accepting public affection from anyone he didn’t know well...

From anyone except you.

You frown at the bizarrely jealous thought. Taerae obviously liked this girl. Just last week, he’d been complaining about her chewing too loud in the computer lab, but maybe he was just trying to cover up his real feelings. Taerae deserved to be happy.

Any boy that would make a whole poster just to ask someone to prom deserved to be happy. You sigh as you study the poster in front of you. I wish Ryan had made me a poster...

As Taerae starts to fold it back up, you notice some surrounding doodles that you had been too distracted to see before. All around the border of the poster are what appear to be light pink Royal Azaleas.

Your favorite flower.

Had Taerae really used your favorite flower to decorate his promposal for someone else? How could he?

“Stop it!” You say out loud, earning a weird look from all three of the people surrounding you. You smile awkwardly, trying to laugh off your unintentional angry outburst at your own thoughts. “I mean... Stop being so cute you guys!”

Molly grins. “Text me where to meet you tomorrow! I can’t wait.”

Taerae nods quickly as Molly skips back to her own lunch table. As soon as she’s gone, he lets out a huge sigh and you hear the clamoring of his glasses as his head falls to the table.

“But this is amazing, Tae,” you say, staring at the top of Taerae’s head as his forehead rests on the surface of the lunch table. He lifts up for a second, folding his arms and laying his right cheek back down on top of them. His hair falls messily in his eyes, unkempt and fluffy as it usually is. But the sudden urge to brush it out of his face takes you by surprise. “I didn’t know you were going to ask Molly to prom today.”

Dohyun snorts from beside you, now totally engrossed in the game he’s playing on his phone:

“Neither did he.”

~~~

“(Y/N), come down here! We need to take pictures before you leave,” your mother calls from downstairs. “We’re gonna head outside so please hurry up and join us!”

You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, anxiety building. Nearly everything about your appearance for tonight is perfect-- your hair, your skin, your outfit; even your shoes. Your friends and family are in your front yard waiting for you.

But all you can think about is how Ryan hasn’t shown up yet.

You’d texted him your address. Told him what time to come over. And now he’s already thirty minutes late. You’d have to leave soon to get to the school on time.

“Where is he?” You whisper to yourself, grabbing your phone from your bed and checking your notifications again. Nothing.

“(Y/N), if you don’t get your ass down here right now!” The voice that’s calling you now is Taerae’s. His threat is angry enough that it makes you move-- opening the door to your room and walking to the top of the stairs.

Taerae is furiously typing on his phone as you make your way down the stairs, his back turned to you. He’s wearing a dark blue suit-- slim-fitting and tailored to him perfectly. When you reach the second to last step, you clear your throat.

Your best friend looks up at you now, eyes wide as he takes in your appearance. His hair is pushed back, still fluffy but out of his face. You’re surprised to find yourself thinking that he looks very handsome. You blink away the thought as you continue to study Taerae-- eventually realizing that something is missing.

“No glasses?” You ask, waiting for him to respond. When he doesn’t, you prompt him again. “Taerae?”

“Oh, uh,” he begins to reply finally, shaking his head as if to clear his mind. “Yeah, just for tonight. My mom... thought it would look nice.”

“Your mom is right,” you say, smiling softly at him. “She usually is though.”

“You’re perfect,” Taerae says suddenly; eyebrows shooting up when he realizes what he just said. “I mean, you look perfectly ready to go and take pictures! And then go to prom. And stuff. You know? Like, you look perfect. Well--... You--... Um--...”

He’s rambling now and you don’t blame him. Your whole lives, you and Taerae had maintained a friendship without most pleasantries a normal friendship might have. Your affection towards each other usually came in the form of play-fighting, insults, sharing sweet potato fries at lunch, and other subtle acts of service. Only when one of you was having a particularly hard day would the other offer a hug or hand to hold or words of affirmation. You and Taerae were so close that normal affection usually seemed pretty arbitrary.

So this compliment from Taerae, even if it was unintentional is... different.

You swallow hard, averting your best friend’s gaze. “So do you.”

Brushing past him, you open the front door and step out onto your porch-- Taerae following behind you after a moment. You check your phone again for any texts from Ryan.

“He’s a prick, (Y/N),” Taerae says softly, as you continue to stare at your phone screen-- willing your eyes not to water. “Don’t let him ruin this for you. This was all your idea. You wanted to go to prom. You wanted to take pictures beforehand. Why are you letting this guy totally fuck up your night?”

Your eyes meet Taerae’s. He’s right and you know it. Ryan couldn’t care less about you and it was evident in the way he’d asked you (or rather, told you that you were going with him) to prom-- and the way he hadn’t shown up on time to your house. In fact, the whole day you’d been consumed by two feelings: the first being obsession over whether or not Ryan would like your outfit, your hair, your parents, your house...

The second being that deep down, in the pit of your stomach, you were filled with regret about your fixation these past couple of months on the soccer star. Even Taerae had made a nice poster for Molly. Not that he’d even bothered to tell you that he was asking her. And not that you cared what Taerae did or didn’t do for people he liked.

Right?

“Tae, I--.”

“Taerae!” A chipper voice calls from around the corner. Molly appears at the bottom of the porch steps, motioning for your best friend to come down. “Come take pictures! You too, (Y/N). Just because your prom date’s a bust, doesn’t mean you can steal mine!”

Your jaw drops slightly in shock. “I wasn’t--... That’s not--...”

“Chop, chop!” Molly says, walking back over to where all of your parents are standing-- Dohyun in the middle of them, talking their ears off.

Not wanting any more accusations being hurled at you on your own property, you give Taerae a quick shrug before following her out onto the lawn.

You’re sitting in the passenger seat of Ryan’s red sports car now as he parks in the school lot. He’d finally shown up two minutes before you were about to have to hop into Taerae’s car and ride in the backseat behind him and his date. Your mom, who was making no attempt to hide her displeasure, was able to snap a quick few photos of you before you left.

Ryan turns off the car, stuffing his keys in his right pocket before leaning back again into his seat. He’s staring at you and you’re not really sure how to respond. You reach for the door latch, but you feel his hand touch your left arm before you can open it.

You identify the look in his eyes right away-- he wants to kiss you. Come to think of it, you hadn’t kissed Ryan in over a week. You’d been busy with an essay and had to cancel your “tutoring sessions”. Usually, the idea would excite you. But tonight, it almost made your stomach turn.

A knock on your window startles you and you look over to find Taerae smiling at you-- more than a hint of annoyance in his eyes.

Ryan rolls down your window. “Dude, what are you--?”

“(Y/N) really wants to go to prom with you,” he replies, opening your door for you. You hop out immediately, grateful for the interference. “So you can save whatever you’re gonna do for later.”

You don’t look back at Ryan, walking as quickly as you can towards the front doors of the school. Eventually, Ryan, Taerae and Molly all catch up to you as you walk through the entranceway.

A beautiful balloon arch greets you as you enter the gym, fairy lights and vintage streamers lining every inch of the walls. It’s exactly as you’d imagined-- the prom of your dreams.

“JORDAN!” Ryan shouts suddenly from behind you, almost knocking you down as he runs to greet one of his stupid jock friends.

You start to fall, but a pair of hands are already on your shoulders to keep you upright. “Thanks,” you mumble as Taerae pushes you through the balloon arch and towards the open floor.

“Where do you wanna sit, Taerae?” Molly asks, smiling at him expectantly. “I’m sure (Y/N) is gonna go sit with Ryan.”

You glance back to where Ryan had run off to, finding him completely surrounded by his many popular friends. You turn back to Molly and Taerae, forcing yourself to nod.

“You should sit with us,” Taerae says, the pity in his eyes growing more embarrassing every minute. You aren’t going to ruin his night with Molly. You just couldn’t do that to your best friend.

Shaking your head, you try to smile reassuringly. “I’ll be fine.”

“(Y/N)...”

“You guys have fun! I’ll see you in a bit,” you call, wandering off to a table in the opposite corner. Once you take your seat, it’s as if you’ve been glued to it permanently.

You watch all of your peers rush to the dance floor, laugh together, embrace each other... Not once does Ryan ever come find you. But you know deep down that you sort of deserve it. How had you been so obsessed with one boy asking you to prom and ended up being the only person here having such a miserable time?

You should never have come. Or you should have come alone. Or with Taerae.

Taerae...

Your eyes rest on your best friend, who is sitting with Molly at their table. He’s leaning back comfortably in his chair; navy blue suit contrasting perfectly with his light olive skin. His smile is bright and pretty-- why the hell does he look so pretty tonight?

Is he having fun with Molly? Is he thinking about me?

Almost as if he’s heard your thought, Taerae’s eyes meet yours. The smile on his face instantly fades to an expression of concern and you hate it. You want him to smile at you like he was just smiling at Molly.

But why would he smile at you like that? He likes Molly.

Not you.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you look at the screen to find a message from Taerae.

Are you okay??

You look back up at him, deciding to nod and give him a thumbs up-- hoping for that dimpled smile to return to his face. It doesn’t.

(Y/N), please just come over here You’re breaking my heart

Learning that you sitting alone in a corner is ruining Taerae’s prom experience is not what you needed to hear. Pressing your lips together awkwardly, you nod slowly at him; starting to stand up from your chair to go talk to him for a bit.

But you stop in your tracks when you watch Molly grab Taerae’s hand and pull him up out of his chair. She’s trying to tug him towards the dance floor-- his eyes widening in panic as they remain locked on you.

You wave him on, trying your best to smile at him. You feel your lip quiver and you hope he doesn’t notice from the other end of the gym. Taerae reluctantly stops resisting Molly and joins her on the dance floor after giving you another regretful look.

“Heyyyy (Y/N),” a voice slurs in your ear now, an arm wrapping around you from behind. You look up to find Ryan, smiling goofily back at you. He’s piss drunk, of course.

“Hi,” you say shortly, attempting to wiggle out of his hold but the alcohol hasn’t lessened his strength. “Can you let go, please?”

“Why would I do that?” He asks rhetorically, tequila coating his breath. “You’re my date.”

“Am I?” You spit, finally breaking free of his grip. “I couldn’t tell.”

He frowns. “What do you want? Do you want to dance or something? We can dance.”

“I want to go home,” you respond, glaring at him. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

With that, you’re walking past Ryan and through the balloon arch out of the gym. It’s not until you’re standing in the hallway that you hear a set of footsteps following you.

You turn around to find Ryan standing behind you, a small silver flask in hand. “What are you doing?”

“Taking you home,” he answers, unscrewing the top off the flask and taking a sip. “You said you wanted to go home.”

“Are you kidding me?” You ask, eyes wide with shock. “You’re drunk. You’re not getting behind the wheel like this.”

He shrugs. “I’m really good at it! I do it all the time.”

“Holy shit,” you whisper, shaking your head at him in awe. “You fucking suck, you know that?”

His brow furrows in confusion. “What? What do you mean?”

“I mean,” you start, jaw setting in anger. “You’ve ignored me all night. You didn’t show up at my house on time to take pictures. You tried to skip prom to makeout with me in your car. Not to mention, you didn’t even ask me to prom. You told me yesterday that you would pick me up tonight. And now you want to drive me home and you can’t even stand up straight!?

Ryan stares at you for a long moment before the corner of his mouth turns up in a smirk. “Are you playing hard to get?”

You sigh exasperatedly. “You already got me! I was literally eating out of your palm for two whole months. I can’t believe I let myself be so stupid... Now I never want to see you ever again!”

He frowns. “It’s because of that Taeri kid, isn’t it?”

“What? No, no--...” It’s at that moment that you look back into the gym, spotting your best friend dancing with his date. He looks so stupid; he might even be the worst dancer you’ve ever met. So why does the sight of him make your heart swell? “His name’s Taerae. And he’s my best friend. That apparently likes someone else and never told me.”

You turn back to Ryan to find him staring back at you, wide-eyed. “Damn,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re in love with your weird friend.”

“I am not!” You protest, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “And he’s not weird, he’s just... Okay, yeah he’s weird. But the good kind of weird.”

“Wow. Denial much?” He says, laughing.

Your brow furrows curiously. “Why are you so okay with this? Weren’t you just asking me if I was playing hard to get?”

“It’s cool. You guys would probably make a better match anyway,” he responds with a shrug. “Plus I already hooked up with Steph in the bathroom, so I’m all set for the night if I have to be.”

You sigh, shaking your head in awe of the absolute dickhead standing in front of you. Turning on your heel and walking towards the exit doors, you mumble, “Goodnight, Ryan.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” he calls after you, far too cheerily. “Tell him! Or that girl’s gonna snatch him right up. Have you seen the way she’s been looking at him all night?”

Yeah. I have.

It had been a decent night for Taerae. Molly had turned out to be a good enough prom date. They talked about their science project most of the night, but he hadn’t really known what else to say. Besides, he was far too distracted to have any sort of real conversation when he’d been keeping at least one eye on you the whole night.

The pain he felt watching you sit alone at an empty table-- scrolling through your phone, tears rolling down your cheek periodically when you thought no one was watching you.

But Taerae was watching you. How could he not be when the most beautiful person in the room was his best friend?

Of course the one time he’d taken his eyes off you, you’d gone missing.

So far, he’d checked the buffet table, the photobooth, the hallway... He’d even knocked on the bathroom door (and received a very annoyed response from whoever was inside). But you were nowhere to be found.

That’s when he spots Ryan. The star of the soccer team is sitting down at the end of the bathroom hallway, back leaned against a locker. Taerae runs up to him frantically, smelling the liquor on his breath from six feet away.

“Where’s (Y/N)!?” Taerae shouts, shaking Ryan’s shoulders when he doesn’t answer.

The tall boy groans. “How should I know?”

“Because (Y/N)’s your date? Don’t you have any idea where your fucking date is!?”

“Jesus, chill out. This is why I said you were weird,” Ryan mumbles, slurring his words. “(Y/N) went home already.”

“What?” Taerae asks, mind racing. “Did you say something? Did you do something? Did you put your hands on--?”

“Probably, yeah. I don’t remember,” he responds, pointing up at Taerae. “But I thought (Y/N) was gonna tell you. I said to tell you so that that girl... doesn’t...”

Before he can finish his entirely incoherent sentence, Ryan has slumped over onto his side and fallen asleep.

“Tell me what?” Taerae asks; attempting to shake him awake. But it’s no use. “For christ’s sake...”

He turns around, about to run back towards the gym, but instead he comes face to face with his own prom date.

“Oh, Molly, I--,” he starts, but the girl in front of him cuts him off quickly.

“Go,” she says simply, the knowing smile on her face confirming to Taerae that she’s well aware of what’s going on. “Go get (Y/N).”

Taerae sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. This is not cool of me at all.”

“No, it’s not,” Molly says with a laugh. “But I knew you liked (Y/N) the whole time. Once Dohyun opens his mouth, it’s hard to get him to shut it.”

Taerae smiles. “I always knew Dohyun would spill all my secrets one day.”

Molly shrugs. “It’s okay actually. Because tonight made me realize I kind of like Dohyun way more than you anyway. He’s more my type. He actually laughs at my chemistry jokes.”

“Oh, uh,” Taerae falters, eyebrows raising in shock. Dohyun? More her type? Taerae didn’t know that Dohyun was anyone’s type. Not that Taerae thought he was anyone’s type either. “Yeah, I guess I’m more of a biology guy.”

Molly hums. “Do you think you could put in a good word for me then?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, nodding absentmindedly. “Yeah, sure.”

“No hard feelings, then?” Molly asks, smiling up at him.

“No, none at all, I guess,” Taerae agrees-- though the entirely absurd thought of someone using him to get to Dohyun is still eating away at the back of his brain. “You’re okay if I leave now? Do you have a ride home?”

Molly nods happily. “I’ll see you on Monday! Don’t forget the Chapter 13 exam,” she says, walking back down the hallway towards the gym.

“And tell me how it goes with (Y/N)!”

You’re face down on your bed, having flopped there in a puddle of tears as soon as you’d gotten home and changed into your pajamas. Your dad had picked you up and you’d driven home in uncomfortable silence apart from your quiet sniffling. You’re currently subsisting on an entirely separate plane of existence-- one with excessive tears and nothing else.

But a rattling at your window startles you, causing you to jump up to see what’s making the sound. You’re even more startled when you realize that the sound is actually that of Taerae fiddling with the latch on your window frame.

You run to the window, unlocking the latch and pushing it open. You whisper-shout at your idiotic best friend, “What the fuck are you doing!?”

“Remember when I used to do this when I lived next door? Before we moved?” He replies, completely out of breath and barely managing to hang onto the vines of ivy running down the side of your house.

“Taerae, you moved when we were ten years old! You weighed at least 30 kilograms less than you do now. Are you crazy!?” Grabbing onto his arms and pulling him through the window, he lands with an ungracious thud on your bedroom floor.

“Huh,” he says, panting to catch his breath as he lies flat out on his back on your beige carpet. “I used to be in really good shape then. Maybe I should start working out.”

You sit down next to him, your back leaning against the side of your bed. You look at the right leg of his suit pants, finding a wet spot on the knee. He must’ve fallen before he successfully climbed up to your window.

He looks just as pretty lying here like this as he had all night-- only now, he looks a bit more like the Taerae you were used to. His hair had fallen into his eyes a bit more and he must’ve switched out his contact lenses for his glasses on his way here. Maybe your best friend had always been this beautiful... Maybe you’d just never taken the time to notice before.

Your eyes widen suddenly. “Taerae, what are you doing here? Where’s Molly?”

He sighs annoyedly. “Ask Dohyun.”

“What?” You ask, brow furrowing in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Never mind,” he says, rolling his eyes. “It’s a long story.”

You frown. “Prom isn’t even over yet. Why did you leave?”

“Because Ryan told me you left,” he answers, finally sitting up to look at you. “I needed to make sure you were okay.”

“Well, you could’ve texted me,” you respond, looking around you for your phone.

Taerae points to your desk and you turn to see your phone sitting on the corner of it. “You weren’t answering.”

“Oh,” you say softly, eyes falling to your lap. “I guess I wasn’t.”

“Look at me,” Taerae requests suddenly and you reluctantly oblige. You know you must look absolutely insane. Hair out of place, eyes red and puffy and face blotchy from crying. He smiles at you sadly again, just like he had been the whole night. “I know you’re not okay. You can be upset. You know I won’t judge you.”

His words are all you need for the tears to start flowing again. In less than a second, Taerae’s arms have wrapped around you; holding you tightly in his embrace. It’s comforting, but at the same time it’s not. Not if he knew the real reason you’d been crying so much.

“He doesn’t deserve you, (Y/N),” he says, hand finding its way to the back of your head to pet your hair. “I’m so, so sorry that he treated you this way. He was never worth your time.”

You swallow back your tears, before pulling away from Taerae. Your arms still tangled up with his, you say finally, “I know.”

He stares at you for a moment before that sad smile returns. “You should know. I’m glad that you know. He doesn’t deserve any of your tears.”

“They’re not for him.” The truth falls from your lips before you can chicken out. You brace for the instant regret that should come with saying these words, but it doesn’t come. Instead, you feel the beginnings of relief.

Taerae’s head tilts to the side questioningly. “What--... What do you mean?”

Your bottom lip tucks between your teeth and you bite it hard to dissolve the anxiety in your chest. “I wasn’t crying over him.”

“Oh...” He says softly, utter confusion written all over his face. “So... You... Okay, no, I don’t get it.”

Of course Taerae didn’t get it. He had a wonderful night with the girl he likes. And the person who’d ruined it for him was you.

“Oh, I just remembered that Ryan said you wanted to tell me something?” Taerae says, brow furrowed curiously. “Or that he told you to tell me something? I dunno. He wasn’t making much sense right before he passed out.”

“I like someone else,” you blurt; the rush of adrenaline causing you to stand up and find something to busy yourself with before your nails dig holes into your palms. You walk over to your record player, turning it on and dropping the needle on whatever album is already loaded. When the sound flows from the speakers, you realize it’s an R&B album you picked up from a vintage thrift shop across town last week.

Taerae stands up, too-- recognizing the tension in your voice. “You do?”

You nod, avoiding his gaze. “Mmhmm.”

“That’s... That’s great, (Y/N),” he encourages, but there’s a hint of reluctance in his voice. “I just hope whoever it is, they’re much nicer to you.”

“He’s really nice to me, actually,” you confirm, finally turning around to look at Taerae again. You catch a glimpse of sadness in his eyes before he shifts his focus down to the floor.

It’s now or never.

“Even when I steal his sweet potato fries.”

There’s a lag in his response. It takes a full ten seconds for Taerae to look up at you and, when he does, his eyes are wide and his lips are parted in shock. He’s so silent that you’re suddenly sure you’ve made a terrible mistake.

You clear your throat awkwardly. “I’m really sorry; maybe I shouldn’t’ve said that. I know you like Molly and I’m sorry you left prom early to check on me and I know I’ve been so annoying these past couple months and maybe it’s not fair of me to say any of this but when you made that poster for her and it had those Royal Azaleas on it-- that’s my favorite flower, how could you do that, you insensitive piece of--.”

For the last couple moments of your insane rambling, Taerae had been stepping towards you-- closing the gap between you and him quickly before finally cupping your face in his hands and connecting your lips in a particularly unskilled kiss.

When he pulls back, he’s blinking at you with innocent eyes; a blush heating his cheeks.

“Was that your first kiss?” You ask, a small smile turning up the corners of your lips. Taerae’s bottom lip has found its way between his teeth and he’s biting it hard to alleviate his nervous energy; hands dropping to his sides. He just nods in response.

Your right hand raises to his jaw now; left hand resting on his shoulder. Pulling him in to kiss you again, you say softly, “Just follow me for a second.”

When your lips are on Taerae’s again, you squeeze his shoulder gently to get him to relax. He responds to this, letting you lead until he feels confident enough to match you. And once he does...

You’re ready to kick yourself for not falling for him sooner.

“It was for you,” he says softly in between kisses. “I made it for you.”

You pull back to look at him. “What?”

“The poster. The promposal,” Taerae clarifies. “It had your favorite flowers on it, because it was for you.”

Your eyebrows raise as the truth sinks in. Taerae had been trying to ask you to prom yesterday; that’s why he was acting so weird. And Dohyun had obviously been enlisted to help.

“You wanted to go so badly,” he explains. “I know not with me, but I just wanted to try and make you happy anyway.”

A sad laugh escapes you. “Tell me honestly: why are you letting me confess to you right now? Do I really deserve it after all I must’ve put you through?”

Taerae shakes his head. “You definitely don’t,” he affirms before grinning at you. Finally those perfect dimples are on display just for you. “But I’m such a sucker for you. Those sweet potato fries only cost a dollar, you know?”

“I know,” you whisper, grabbing the collar of his navy suit jacket and pulling him in once more. You kiss him sweetly and his arms snake their way around your waist in response. “They just taste better coming from your tray.”

“I don’t even like them,” he says, kissing you again; a smirk on his lips. “I just get them so you’ll steal them from me.”

*** 🌶️ INSERT SPICY CUT SCENE HERE -- MINORS DNI -- CONTINUE READING BELOW FOR ENDING (and read below after finishing cut scene) 🌶️ ***

“(Y/N)?”

Your mother calling you from the other side of your door jolts you, sending you and Taerae scrambling off each other on your bed-- where you haven’t really let each other breathe for the past twenty minutes.

“If Taerae’s sleeping over, can you tell him to turn his headlights off, please?” That’s all your mom says before her footsteps travel back down the stairs; a hint of a smirk in her voice.

Taerae’s eyes widen, his hands searching his pockets for his keys. When he doesn’t find them, he smiles at you sheepishly. “Oops.”

“So stealthy of you,” you tease, hitting his chest lightly as you attempt to catch your breath. He grabs your hand, pulling you back into him and reattaching your lips. Before your mind goes blank again, you pull back. “Go turn your car off!”

“Fine,” he sighs, annoyedly. Pushing himself up off the bed with his hands, he finally stands up and walks towards the window. “Here I go. Just like you asked.”

You walk over to him, grabbing his shoulders from behind and turning him towards your bedroom door. “No more scaling buildings for tonight, King Kong.”

“Really? King Kong? Couldn’t have said something sexier like Spiderman or?”

Before he reaches for the doorknob, you turn him back to face you. Raising up on your toes cutely, you press one more kiss to his lips. “I just don’t really like spiders.”

“That’s right,” he says, palm cupping your cheek. “Giant gorilla it is, then.”

“Now go turn your car off so we can get back to what we were doing...”

Taerae’s hand flies to the doorknob; throwing the door open and running to the stairs as fast as he possibly can.

Just before he disappears down the stairs, he turns back to you-- pounding his chest with his fists lightly like the cutest, lamest gorilla to ever exist.

“This idiot,” you whisper, shaking your head.

I must really love him.

219 notes · View notes

angstyaches · 7 months

Note

hii could we please get a sick ryan because she ate something stupid (thinking about the time she stole nancys cookies heheh) with nancy as the caretaker? i miss them sm :)🍄

You also requested something Ryan-centric for this post, quite a while ago, so I've combined the two.

Word Count: 4,400+

CW (PLEASE READ): species-based food intolerance, nausea, vomiting, bad self-talk, behaviour which could be interpreted as harmful to the self so please proceed with caution and be gentle with yourselves 🖤

___

“I feel my gratitude must, once again, be expressed,” Ryan said, distracting herself with words while her knife pressed down on her stack of green leaves, tomato slices, chicken, and dressing. This chaotic arrangement had somehow cost more than an entire cow used to cost in the equivalent currency. She supposed she remained indoors far too often, if culture shock could still manage to creep up on her out of nowhere.

Her lunch companion raised her eyebrows as she chewed. She had ordered clam chowder and bread, much to Ryan’s quiet and resigned dismay. Exposure to the smells of food were a challenge for her senses to begin with, but it was a special kind of hell when seafood became involved. To make things worse, she had clams and prawns and whatever else was hauled in off the coast of Portrush had once delighted her beyond reason.

To be sickened by something once loved brought an especially bittersweet tang to her mouth. She could almost hear the crashing waves, the tinkle of little Silas’s laughter –

“For… what?” Mrs. Waters pondered innocently.

“For… inviting me to convene with you over your afternoon meal,” Ryan clarified, giving a slight shake of her head. She would have to limit the extent of her olfactory indulgences as much as possible. “I understand that your schedule must come with an abundance of restrictions –”

The trickle of discomfort in Mrs. Waters’ eyes made Ryan’s words halt on her tongue. She was being too formal. She knew that. Well, she hadn’t known that. But she knew that now.

Or perhaps it was the way Ryan’s jaw threatened to rebel against her every time she lifted the fork to her mouth, her tongue becoming awash with acrid saliva. The way she chewed as though she could somehow stop the food from touching the surfaces inside her mouth. Like a fool.

Like an utter fool.

“It was really no bother at all,” Mrs. Waters assured Ryan, eyeing her bowl of soup as she carefully lifted a spoonful towards her lips. Ryan wasn’t sure if the woman was of a generally nervous disposition, or if it was Ryan, specifically, who was making her nervous. “To be honest, I was a bit anxious to meet you. My Charlie is basically working for you right now.”

“I see,” Ryan said, poking at a chunk of tomato with her fork. It wept a sickly pink juice under the pressure of the tine. She wasn’t sure she was satisfied with the idea that the young Mr. Waters was working for her; she had thought that allowing him to continuing living on the property had been a generous gesture, not a job offer.

Indeed, he would be keeping an eye on the structural integrity of the building and preventing the odd build-up of dust and grime, but didn’t most mortals perform these duties within their dwellings –?

“Not – not that I was afraid you were some kind of weirdo or anything!” Mrs. Waters exclaimed.

“Ah.”

Half a second later, Mrs. Water’s gave a nervous chuckle, which told Ryan that she should be chuckling too, and certainly shouldn’t have given a deadpan, one-word answer. To avoid having to make up for it now, she loaded her mouth full of vinegared leaves, the texture and flavours lost in a sea of tingling, unpleasant numbness between her jaws.

The sensation came on so fast that it felt like a spike had been driven down through the top of her head, its point grating at the base of her tongue. The intensity shocked her somewhat, which was a good thing; if not for the shock, she might have started in her seat and instantly spewed her food back out onto the table.

As things stood, her jaw had clenched and her lips had mashed up tightly together.

“So, you’re looking to move out to the countryside?” Mrs. Waters asked.

Ryan’s eyes were somehow dry, yet also stinging with tears.

She made a show of puffing out her cheeks and pointing towards her closed lips to buy herself more time to chew. More time to… suffer through chewing. Every cell in her body wanted to spray the wet, slippery greens as far as they would go. Her inherently liquid diet didn’t often require her jaws or her back teeth to do much work, beyond the initial slicing into the flesh of a live pray, of course. It was oddly tedious and repetitive work.

Not to mention her guts were practically revolting in protest already. Before she’d turned immortal – more immortal than most other immortals, in fact – Ryan had lived through more diseases than many creatures who still roamed the earth, and she didn’t appreciate the reminder of what sickness could feel like.

But none of that mattered. The current situation called for her to be sociable. There was no room for anything else.

The story was that she was planning to move to the countryside with her partner, who suffered from a rare lung disease and would benefit from a fresher kind of air than the stuff readily available in the suburbs. They were planning on adopting two rescue dogs, and as soon as they were settled in, Ryan planned to take back up her long-lost hobby of painting portraits of animals in Colonial-style dress. This last detail had been Ryan’s own contribution to the charade, and Nancy had raised an eyebrow at it.

The more seemingly innocuous drivel included, the more convincing the fabrication, Ryan had assured her wife, and when it seemed as though Nancy had been about to protest, Ryan had done what she generally did when Nancy was about to protest. She’d kissed her on the mouth.

She couldn’t quite tell Mrs. Waters the truth, that the house her son resided in was plagued by the densest swarm of demons the world over, or that her son himself was possessed by a demon, or that Ryan was monitoring him for fear he’d caught the attention of the most dangerous immortal on the planet.

These were simply not appropriate lunchtime topics of discussion.

“Well… that’s exciting,” Mrs. Waters smiled. She smiled more with the left side of her mouth than the right. “Can I ask why? Are you just… looking for a change, or is there a job…?”

Ryan’s lips trembled, and she wanted to smack them to make them behave. Her lungs gulped in air, despite her efforts to refrain from excessive breathing, as she swallowed the foul mouthful. It gurgled in her throat, her internal muscles twitching and spasming as it was forced down, into a stomach that felt how she imagined Felix’s did when he had to watch a creature being slaughtered.

With a disdainful curl to her lip, Ryan certainly hoped she didn’t look the way Felix did when he had to watch an animal being slaughtered.

Below the table, her stomach burbled.

She pressed a poised finger to her lips, stifled an indigestive burp, and nodded in response to Ingrid’s question. “Well, my partner, you see, has a rather uncommon lung condition…”

___

Ryan sat in her car long for an excessive amount of time after arriving home. The shadows that had descended as the garage door closed behind her had felt like a blanket encircling her shoulders, shrouding her from the prying eyes of the world. The sensation disgusted her. Ryan never had need for blankets or warmth or self-pity.

And as soon as her defences went down, they went down. Hard. The cogs in her brain began to analyse every moment of the interaction, criticise every facial expression, pick apart every selected word, twist at every hum of agreement.

Even the fact that she was sitting in her car, emotionally paralysed, told her that she, herself, needed improvement. If spending the afternoon with a human person could take this much of a toll on her, then she was in dire need of… practice. Exposure. She had once attended Lions Club meetings and taken painting lessons; perhaps it was time to explore those options again. Spend some time with beings other than witches and vampires and… others.

Ryan rested a hand against her abdomen as she pressed her spine into the car seat, feeling a rather violent tension pushing against the buttons of her crisp white shirt. Her stomach was bubbling and squelching away, as though it thought its sluggish efforts would achieve anything close to digestion.

She used the heel of her hand to knead the space beneath her ribs where her meagre meal sat like a thick slime. The wretched organ might as well have been a dried-up clay pot, for all the good it was doing her.

And yet, no matter how many strategies and recalculations spun through her brain, she couldn’t see how she could have excused herself entirely from eating. She could have implied that she was on a diet, or taking medications that limited her mealtime options, but she couldn’t see Mrs. Waters reacting well to either of those. Well, why on earth did you agree to a meeting over lunch? She would have been too polite to say this, but Ryan knew she would have been thinking it. She was thinking it herself.

Thinking about Shayne, Ryan wondered if Mrs. Waters would have felt guilt for eating her lunch if Ryan hadn’t also ordered something. If she’d learned anything from her latest protégé, it was that mortals had the fascinating ability to feel guilt over the most inevitable of their human needs.

Luckily, Ryan was not a human.

And she had things to do.

She drew her shoulders back, released the tension in her stomach - the result was an even tighter press against the buttons of her shirt, but she could ignore it - and opened the car door.

___

As she entered her study after a slow ascent of the stairs, Ryan’s stomach was snarling like a small animal attempting to assert its dominance. She gritted her teeth and bore down on her abdomen with her knuckles. If anything in there wanted out, it should… well, it should make haste. While she usually preferred to shut the door to the upstairs hallway, Ryan left it ajar today, so that she could make a brisk exit to the bathroom when the time came.

Grrrlllrrrgghh.

Ryan listened to the distressed gurgling with a muted sense of contempt. If her stomach was so unhappy with its contents, why hadn’t she thrown up already? She didn’t have all day to wait around for it to happen. Two hundred years, and two transformations later, and it seemed her earthly form was still not without its flaws.

So concerned was she with her despondent gut that she wasn’t even aware that the thrum of Nancy’s footsteps had taken a route from the bedroom to the study, and the soft knock on the doorframe made her heart jump into her raw, delicate throat.

Nancy poked her head around the door with a soft, almost slow-motion swish of her ponytail. “Oh, you’re home!”

“Nothing gets past you, does it, my love?”

“Oh, enough of that,” Nancy tsked, tugging on Ryan’s hand and pulling her about to plant a kiss on her lips.

Ryan softened a little, overcome with relief that she wasn’t married to another vampire. Despite her fantastical abilities, Nancy’s senses – the five main ones, that is – were as dull as the average mortal’s. She wouldn’t detect the scent of salad on Ryan’s breath, so long as Ryan didn’t exhale near her. Therefore, it was a very chaste, brief kiss that they shared.

“How did it… Ryan?” Nancy gasped as she stood back, holding a hand to her mouth as though to quiet herself. “Why do you look like death warmed over?”

Ryan curled her lip as she stalked over to her desk. She thumped the documents onto the wood. “I did not think this was news to you, Nan, but it did. Two hundred years ago, to be precise.”

“Sweetheart, I meant that you –”

“Yes, yes, thank you, love. Incidentally, you also look radiant this evening,” Ryan murmured. As she slumped into her chair, her stomach gave yet another obnoxious, unproductive grumble. She cleared her throat and gazed across at Nancy.

“Sorry, Ry,” Nancy said, cheeks reddening. Then she swept her hands down the front of her skirts, with an air of starting on a clean slate, as she planted herself in the plush armchair that sat to the side of Ryan’s desk. “How did everything go?”

“Fine.”

“Everything signed?”

“Of course.”

“Wonderful,” Nancy smiled, with a distinct lack of the excitement she’d had at every other point of this endeavour. “What was Charlie’s mum like?”

“Mrs. Waters,” Ryan rather snapped,“was akin to a pleasant, yet overall remarkably ordinary, individual.”

Nancy let out a gentle scoff, once again brushing her hands over her skirts. “Well, don’t overwhelm me with details.”

“I do not know what more to tell you. Except that… I am…” Ryan’s eyes widened as she trailed off. She’d been trailing off an awful lot today, even though it was a habit that irked her in others.

But a tingling, numbing wetness began to fill her mouth at an alarming rate, worse even than when she’d been taking bites of the salad that was prickling at the base of her oesophagus. The air felt like hot soup against her skin, in her lungs.

Why, why couldn’t Nancy have been occupied elsewhere? Now Ryan was obliged to share her discomfort, or continue her silence and risk giving her wife an untimely fright. “I believe I am… ‘bout to experience… emesis.”

Nancy blinked. “You –?”

Ryan’s eyes were wrenched back so hard in her skull that they ached, and her back arched forward so hard that she felt like a doll being pulled by the hair. The wheels of her desk chair rattled as she trundled out of range of anything particularly porous… Her stomach muscles clenched so hard that Ryan – in a moment of hyperbolic weakness – thought that her internal organs might come up through her nose –

And yet, while her senses braced themselves for the wet, clattering sound of stomach contents hitting the tiled floor, nothing came. Ryan swayed between emotional relief and dismay at being denied the physical relief.

“Oh, sweetheart, come,” Nancy murmured, and then her delicate, warm hands were guiding Ryan’s shoulders up and out of the desk chair. “I knew something was off about you. Did you eat?”

“I may have… ingested… a few mouthfuls of leafy matter.”

“A salad?” Nancy could neither have looked nor sounded more horrified if Ryan had hinted towards having had a stick of plutonium for lunch.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“A refusal to ingest would have resulted in…” Ryan slapped a hand to her stomach – silly as it sounded, her instinct seemed to be to try to physically suppress the spread of pain through her insides. “… Suspicion or discomfort.”

Nancy’s lower lip dropped down silently, but Ryan knew her wife well enough to guess what her thoughts were; how can someone with so much wisdom and experience be so stupid?

Thankfully, dear, sweet Nancy spared her the actual voicing of the thought.

“How… How was it?”

Amidst holding down her gorge, and fighting the urge to slump to the floor and take Nancy with her, Ryan managed to muster up a look of derision. She cast it lengthways as she hobbled from the study with her hands clasped on Nancy’s shoulders. Nancy looked back at her with a gormless grimace.

“Right. Never mind.”

___

“It. Refuses. To. Emerge,” Ryan moaned into the toilet bowl.

"Sweetheart," Nancy murmured distractedly.

Ryan flung a hand up in the air, then clapped it against her thigh in a display of finality. “It will never emerge! I shall now persist with rotting vegetation in my tract for the remainder of my existence.”

Nancy gave a light-hearted click of her tongue. “This,” she hummed, “coming from the woman who refuses to give up on a single other person on earth.”

Ryan attempted to spit the sour taste from her mouth, but her excessive saliva had dried up, leaving her with nothing but a tacky residue that clung to her cheeks like cells held together with collagen. If she’d had more spit, maybe the foul contents of her stomach would have slipped up and out of her by now, instead of sticking to her insides like leeches.

“What makes you the one and only hopeless case on this entire planet, hmm?” Nancy’s eyebrows quirked as she focused on something she’d arranged in her lap, nestled in the folds of her skirt. “What makes you so special?”

Ryan sank back from the toilet, though couldn’t quite get her head to remain straight without supporting it against the side of the bowl. She rubbed miserably at her gut; the chances of producing a physiological benefit were low, but she couldn’t fight the instinct to try. Her mood shifted once she’d realised that her wife was concocting something; not hopeful, but lured back from the brink by scientific intrigue.

Her weary eyes skimmed over a couple of ingredients that Nancy had used to throw together potions over the years, though Ryan had never seen them in this combination before. From her knowledge of Nancy’s works, it seemed to her that the result of this project would be rather… well, explosive would be a word for it.

“An elixir,” Ryan murmured, “to induce emesis?”

“Mmhmm,” Nancy’s voice pulsed in her throat, as though parting her lips to answer would have been too much of a distraction.

Disappointment clouded Ryan’s curiosity, rendering it difficult not to sink into the pains in her stomach, not to feel them so completely that everything else dimmed once again. “It will not be effective on me.”

“What if I told you I have added one very special ingredient,” Nancy said, raising one sardonic eyebrow, “for one very special lady?”

“I would remind you,” Ryan muttered, “that I am not merely a special ‘lady’, but an organism of unnatural qualities, including a resistance to the potency of –”

“In that case, you would have nothing to lose, isn’t that correct, my love?”

Ryan snatched the vial with what was probably excessive force and knocked back the liquid. Something stirred in her memory as she gulped, as though her taste buds had somewhat drifted out of slumber, just for a nanosecond. Mostly, she enjoyed how cool the fluid was as it snaked down her burning throat and carved its steady way down towards her stomach.

“It,” she spat, mouth dry as she lowered the vial, “will be ineffective.”

Nancy wore a patient smile almost as well as she wore a sweetheart neckline. More impressively, even, for Ryan knew that Nancy’s reserves of patience did not run as deep as their boys, or her students, thought. That patient smile was a thing of fine craftsmanship.

“If so,” she said softly, “I apologise. But wasn’t it worth a shot?”

Ryan had to turn her face away to avoid the humbling light of Nancy’s well-fought-for optimism. Her stomach rumbled in acknowledgment of its latest arrival, confirmed even further by a vibration through Ryan’s hand. “I suppose so.”

Nancy stretched her arms above her head, tilting her folded knees to keep her equipment and ingredients from rolling over the tiled floor. “Whew. I for one am mighty tired of this floor, Ry. Mind if we move you to the bed with a bucket instead?”

___

Bed and bucket proved a mundane combination to an immortal woman with work on the brain and an immovable lump in her stomach.

Ryan lay slumped on her side, face right at the edge of the bed so that she could keep an eye on her designated bucket, for so long that the sun set behind the curtains. About six kilometres away, a cricket began to shriek, adding itself to the din of the city. The world moved on, progressed, thrived, while Ryan lay overwhelmed with nausea, unable to digest or eject the offending food.

And yet her stomach continued to grumble its discomfort.

Nancy had stayed awake with her, fondling her hair in a way that reminded Ryan just vaguely of being fussed over by her mother. She wasn’t certain if the memory was welcome or not, and tried to let it wash over her like the tide. Nancy had also massaged Ryan’s back for a while which, whilst failing to dislodge the knots in her stomach, had done wonders for the tension in her muscles.

Gghhhhrrrlllgghh.

“Ssshh,” Ryan hissed, pressing her knuckles harshly against her stomach muscles. The pressure evidently would offer no help in inducing vomiting, but there was nothing to say a little aggression wouldn’t discourage the infuriating noises that continued to –

“Ry,” Nancy chided, closing her fingers around Ryan’s fist and guiding it halfway across the bed. She pressed Ryan's wrist into the top sheet, far away from where it could do any more persuading. “Please don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“It is wearing on my nerves like –”

“I don’t care.” Nancy’s tone prodded at the fog of nausea and rage, and Ryan caught glimpse of herself through her wife’s eyes. “You’re wearing on mine with this nonsense. You’ve put your body through an ordeal already today, and now is the time to let it recover in whatever way it needs. Isn't that the wise thing to do?"

She exhaled noisily through her nose – was that a snort of amusement? – as Ryan’s stomach gurgled and bubbled a few inches from her elbow. Ryan’s brain flared with annoyance, which she quickly threw some reins on.

“Perhaps.”

“There is no ‘perhaps’,” Nancy said. “But you’re already suffering enough bodily, so I won’t put you through the mental torture of admitting that I'm right."

Ryan hummed in appreciation. Nancy didn't let up on her hand, so Ryan eventually turned her palm upwards so that their fingers could interlock. She almost found herself drifting off to sleep when she realised Nancy had shifted and slipped her hand away. Ryan felt her tug a wisp of Ryan's silvery-blonde hair back from her face, heard her wife holding her breath in a way that invited conversation.

“Yes?” Ryan had slurred before Nancy had even spoken.

“Will you try taking a second dose?”

It took Ryan longer than she was proud to admit to realise that Nancy was talking about the elixir she’d concocted earlier. If she thought about it hard enough, Ryan was sure that she could still feel the cool, slightly sticky medicine sitting alongside the offending mush in the pit of her stomach. Not making anything worse, but certainly not improving anything.

Ryan grunted. “I do not think it will –”

“Let me rephrase,” Nancy interrupted. “I have a second dose for you, and I strongly suggest you take it.”

With an even more aggressive grunt, Ryan hauled herself into a somewhat-upright position. It would be easier to take the useless potion than to incite further argument. She winced as the sudden movement made it feel as though her intestines were poised to crack inside of her.

“Give it to me,” she deadpanned, but Nancy was already un-stoppering the vial for her. Ryan slurped it back, fueled by nothing but the assuredness that this was not going to work, and was astonished to find herself licking her lips as soon as she’d swallowed. Even more bizarre, she found herself anticipating the smooth sensation of the medicine coursing down her throat, cooling and almost pleasant in its –

It stuck. It stuck, like a rock in the centre of her chest.

Ryan swallowed again, her posture turning rigid. She was only vaguely aware of Nancy’s hand coming up to rest on her waist.

A bubble of pressure slipped into the back of Ryan’s throat, and her stomach muscles jolted, resulting in a high-pitched exclamation and a thunderous, sloshing gurgle.

And then a belch.

A deep one, one that she felt reverberate under her lower left rib. The moment had a faint gloss of eureka to it, like she’d made a world-changing discovery, but at its core was a pit of dread, like she’d made a world-ending discovery.

She shuddered, torn halfway between turning towards the edge of the bed and turning to face her wife in disbelief.

“What… what’d you –?”

"Don't worry about it, cookie."

"But..."

In her desperate curiosity, Ryan almost choked on a mouthful of vomit. She would have ejected it all over the bedroom floor, had Nancy not laid gentle hands on the sides of her head and directed the spray downwards. There was a conveniently-placed bucket beside the bed, primed to catch and contain her vomit.

The bulk of it, at least.

As the retch had lost momentum, a small wave of thick slime had dripped from Ryan’s lower lip, hitting the floorboards between the bed and the bucket with a weighty thwop.

“Wonderful,” Ryan choked out, swiping her chin with the back of her hand. She barely had time to consider where she was going to wipe said hand when her guts gave another powerful lurch.

This time, a delicate hand slipped across the bed and tugged the rim of the bucket closer to Ryan’s side of the mattress. Nancy’s chest and stomach brushed softly against Ryan’s back.

“Great job,” Nancy murmured softly.

Ryan would have scoffed, if she’d been able to catch her breath. Great job? Great job suffering through the consequences of a bad decision? Great job smearing the hardwood with her gastric juices? She was not a child; even a child shouldn’t have been praised for anything she was doing.

Ryan cried out instinctively as she gagged again, the hollow ring of her voice echoing loudly inside the metal bucket over the gushing and splashing. She felt Nancy’s hands move to her shoulders, fingers lightly massaging the tumultuous muscles there.

"Oh," Ryan sighed as soon as she could get a word in between heaves. The mechanical harmony of clenching muscles and ejected fluids was almost as comforting as her wife's touch. After all, what could be more reassuring than the knowledge that one's body is working as it should?

"Better?" Nancy whispered, using her pinky to fish a pale curl away from the edge of Ryan's mouth.

Ryan hung her head over the side of the mattress, slack-jawed, unwilling to close her mouth and risk inhibiting further substance elimination. Nancy shifted her hands as though to hold her in place, and although she wasn't, Ryan found she was rather enjoying the illusion.

"Yes," she slurred, though she knew her ordeal was far from over. "Ineffably so."

#StW Ryan #StW Nancy #sickfic #emeto #emeto sickfic #vampire emeto #vampire sickfic #vampire whump #vampire OC #sickfic blog #emeto blog #emetophilia #vampire kink #stomach kink #whump #fantasy emeto #fantasy sickfic #hurt comfort #hurt and comfort

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equallyshaw · 1 year

Text

something borrowed - nathan mackinnon (feat. erik johnson and ryan graves)

- based off the movie of the same name + my own plot changes

- Warnings: swearing. angst. ej is annoying in this, i apologize. just a character. also lili is a bimbo blonde in this, kinda like in the movie. no hate against any blondes, just mirroring the movie. there is a not so friendly joke, so please be advised. itll be in bold so you can skip over. ALSO, this movie is so chaotic and all over the place...this is all over the place and chaotic lol

- shoutout to @pucksalotguys for supporting this and giving me feedback :)

Word Count: 5.7k+ this is a long one, so much to upack.

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tessa burns grew up around some of the greats in nova scotia, canada. aka, sid the kid, brad marchand, andrew cogliano and ryan graves to name a few. her older brothers played hockey ofcourse and so she was always around the rink at all hours. always had a chirp or two to throw out as she left the arena with them. despite growing up in nova scotia, she never met nathan mackinnon until they both went to shattuck st marys for highschool and hockey. they instantly connected, over hockey, nova scotia, bad breakups and the undying need to be the best. though, he was more hard core than she ever was; in her defense.

tessa was never alone growing up, despite have four brothers before her. she had her best friend ryan graves, grew up right down the block. always had a bad joke, always had a smart and witty comment to make. one that would rock you to your core. she also had her best friend liliana who was a blonde goddess. a 5'8 blonde, taller goddess. one that all the guys went after. one that swore she gave up toronto university just so they could both go to univeristy of british columbia. one that guilt tripped her left and right, but she was liliana. ofcourse, she couldn't 'drop' her. that was her girl, and there was no way she could do that to her closest confidant besides ryan. ryan saw how shitty liliana treated her, how liliana made sure she was the center of the attention. always. ryan always knew about tessa having the huge crush and ever lasting love for nathan, though he was lilianas. she had been for the past three years. so ryan watched as tessa looked on from the bench, what else could she do? so she wallowed in her own guilt, pity and anger of not saying anything before to nate. though it was too late, they were to bed wed in the middle of august before they would flee to california for a week then back to denver.

°• ♔ •°

tessa walked into the restaurant and her eyes went wide, taking in the 'surprise' 28th birthday part; liliana had thrown for her. it was june 24th right after the seaosn had ended, but on without a cup. not this year. tessa smiled fakely as lili cheered and wrapped her arms around her best friend, sister even. "honeybug happy birthday!" she screamed, using an old childhood nickname that should have never see the light of day; even when she was 6. "thanks lili." she responded cooly, hugging her friend back. some of her closest friends were here, well lili's too. wherever tessa went, lili did too and vice versa. she smiled at her brothers who came up, wrapping her in a family hug. "hi guys.." she smiled, one that didn't reach her eyes. "hey tess, mom and dad say sorry for not being here." the oldest, billy explained and she nodded. british columbia was more importnant it seemed.

"AYYYYY KIDDO!!" she heard the ever popular and familiar voice of brad marchand. she turned and grinned at the brother like man and hugged him. then she hugged his wife charlotte, "thankyou guys for coming!" she beamed, holding onto her left arm. "ofcourse! we wouldn't miss it for the world hun." his wife smiled and tessa nodded. "hey bobby orr!" she heard the captains voice from behind her, and tessa turned. she smiled widely for sidney, and hugged him. "hi sid." she mused, pulling away. "got you your fav." he mused, and handed her a cherry vodka. she smiled, thanking him. "where the hell is nate?" she heard him mutter under his breathe. she felt her heart rate pick up, covering it up with a small smile. "do you know where ryan is?" she questioned and speak of the devil, he walked up behind sid. he clasped a hand on sid's shoulder and they did a bro hug before sid sauntered off to find his best friend.

"nice surprise face." he smirked leaning in and she rolled her eyes. "dont tell her please!" she begged her best friend, brother even. he nodded smiling, "ofcourse not. that would ruin her, i think." he trailed off as they caught her making a scene. she saw nate behind her, smiling up at her as she said a joke and laughed loudly. oh, the ever enigma stealing the spotlight once again. "i don't think she's capable of NOT having the attention on her..even if it's your birthday. by the way, happy birthday sis." he smirked and she gave him a wink. "oh thankyou, thought you wouldn't say it for a sec." she grinned and he stuck out his tongue. "uh huh." he sighed, sipping his whiskey and looking back at lili. she rubbed her temple, before looking around. "love how its mainly her frineds." she muttered, feeling angry at herself. again, another birthday and she had no new friends. and everyyear, lili had more and more.

"hey, stop. dont feel bad for yourself. she's a lot to deal with." he mused, almost as if it was an insult. but tessa, knew exactly what he meant. "honeybug!" she heard the very immature nickname and rolled her eyes which ryan caught; as she turned around with a fake smile. "what?" she asked, with a fake giggle as lili rushed up to her with a tall guy. "i want you to meet somebody!" she grinned, pulling her towards the guy. "ej this is tessa. tessa this is erik johnson or ej as we call him." she smiled, as if she was cupid herself. "birthday gal!" he said loudly, causing lili to laugh loudly once again as he pulled tessa in for a bear hug. "ah hi." she said, unsure of what to do. she stood there, frozen. felt like she had been violted in a way, but it wasn't that deep she reminded herself. "you guys are so cute together!" was all lili said before waltzing off to give nate a kiss.

tessa sighed, looking around, trying to not ficate on ej himself. the very tall, and muscular man in front her of. with 3 front teeth missing, like a little kid. "how'd you lose your teeth?" she asked randomly and he laughed a hearty laugh. he explained in a unnceccesary 10 minute story before they were interrupted by nathan. she gave him a thankful smile that he could decode, and nodded. "i think cale is in the back over there." nate said through gritted teeth. ej nodded, giving the birthday gal a kiss on her cheek to which she instantly wiped off. ej left, and left a chuckling nate in his path. "you have a great poker face burnsy." he mused, sipping his beer. she looked at him, acting as if she didn't. he met her eye, before she could spit out words. he gave her a charming smile and laughed. "i would never tell lili." he joked, and tessa sighed looking down at her almost empty drink. "tess-" nate said but she cut him off. "its all good. im gonna go find ryan." she said without looking at him as she walked past him, and away.

minutes later, lili yelled over on the microphone to get her cute butt up there. "honeybug, baby, get your cute butt up here!" she joked, causing everybody to laugh. nate searched for her, and she appeared after ryan pushed her to the front. "dont keep cruelle waiting." he muttered for only her to hear. she sighed as lili smiled at her, dotingly. "honeybug. happy birthday. so thankful for you every day." she smiled, an erupture of 'aws' filled the room. tessa blushed, "tessa gosh, where do i begin?" she said, almost acting. she looked up at the ceiling, pretending to wipe away any tears. "phew, my botox is really holding up.." she trailed off joking causing some uncomfortable and comfortable laughter to erupt. ryan from next to her, hit her shoulder and she laughed.

"tessa, tess, burnsy honeybug, my platonic soulmate..gosh we've been through it all! from kindergarton when i pushed ryan down the slide for cutting us off on the playground.." she began as the photos began on the slideshow, showing the two and then the trio of chaos. "god, we were the trio of chaos. tessa, ryan and i. i don't know how ryan put up with us, to be honest. or how he still does." she joked. "she was with me through my first breakup in 6th grade..i was a mess! let me tell you. we watched the holiday and the he's just not that into you SO many times with lots of popcorn, oreos and icecream." she explained, showing some photos of their teenage years. "heres us at prom. ryan said 'fuck it' im taking you to prom honeybug. awe SO cute!" she said doing a little hop. "then miss burnsy went off to shattuck, fucking shattuck oh my god. if i have to hear about one more hockey player that to shattucks im gonna pull my hair out. o.m.g." she said laughing along with everybody else. "then fucking gravy went off to shattucks and so i was left alone." she began, something she never got over. something she held over them, and still guilt tripped them about. "i was not a hockey player, thankgod! i was all about makeup and clothes and cheerleading. and they weren't there to witness me win state but i witnessed them play for team canada. what assholes." lili had the audience in the palm of her hands. they were eating this up. though ryan, sid, her brothers and nate all cringed throughout.

"but anywho, after i notably declined ivy league university of toronto to go to university of BC with my honeybug..ryan went to some place called denver." she added the last part with everybody hollering now. though it wasn't a joke really, she was purely an idiot. “then we graduated, and then it was really real that we were gonna be seperated for real this time. miss barnsy got into john marshall law school in chicago, and i was incredibly sad when i started working in toronto. but only 512 miles away from one another." she paused, waving a small wave. "and after a year into living into chicago, you introduced me to the absolute love of my life." she pasued, blowing a kiss to nate. he smiled shyly, and looked down embarrassed a tad bit. "thanks for hiding him for so long hun." she dazzled the crowd. "and now were getting married, thanks to you!" she smiled widely. "bubba as much as i love you, tessa girl has been my one constant my whole life."

she turned towards tessa now, ""you're the the sister i've never had, you're sometimes the mother i often need, the reason why i can stumble so fearlessly into adventure is because she's always there. she's always there. i love you tessa. my forever honeybug." she beamed, and the crowd clapped. "bubba!" she said, out of the microphone and made her way towards nate. she wrapped his arms around the girl and kissed her head. tessa watched from afar, and ryan nudged her to look away. "lets get you another drink..after that." sid mused, pulling her towards the bar.

later on in the evening, it was now ryan, nate, lili and tessa left. ryan was holding lili as they all waited outside the restaurant now on the almost desolate street. "oh fuck- i forgot my bag!" lili said slurrely. nate and tessas head perked up and both went to say something, "take her to the hotel. we will be there soon." nate said before tessa could say for him to go back with her. the duo nodded and the other two made there way back inside. "was it the vintage chanel?" nate questioned and tessa laughed, a true and real hearty laugh. "nathan...aren't you the one who got it for her?" she said cocking an eyebrow as she held it up. nate sighed a relief, snatchingit from her. they looked at one another, and nate saw something twinkle. "lets get one more drink." he mused, pulling her down the street to the bar next door.

one drink turned into four more, and somehow someway; though they knew how it happened. they ended up in her small apartment there in toronto. for the first time in their entire relationships, they had acted on that part of their feelings. though, they thought it was more the alcohol than anything.

°• ♔ •°

ryan, sid, ej, their other friend maria, liliana and tessa found themselves in st john on the coast of newfoundland. the five of them walked into the lake house, that they were staying at for the next week. nate and lili walked hand in hand, lili doting on him that made ryan want to vomit. "bubba...please?" she asked with puppy eyes, begging him to take her shopping on the mainland. he sighed, instantly giving into her. lili clapped her hands together, and ej high fived her for some odd reason. "you go girl!" he hummed, sitting down in the living room sofa and propping his feet on the table. tessa stopped unable to move anymore, because of ej's hockey bag and suitcase that was in the way. she gave him a scowl, nobody noticing but ryan ofcourse. "ej..bags please." ryan spoke up and ej hopped up, muttering an apology. "its ok." she smiled, and simply stated. tessa made her way up the stairs, as ryan went towards the first floor room. she got to the second floor, and nate instantly grabbed her bags. "oh thanks." she hummed, following him to the bedroom next to theirs. "thanks." she smiled, and he nodded. very unsure of what to do. things were kinda awkward after they slept together, but she made him forget about it. made him, and he promised her. "yeah. no prob." he responded, as she sat down on the bed. his eyes flicked to her's from the doorway before lili came up and smiled.

"shopping?" she grinned, and then motioned towards nate with her eyes. tessa shook her head no, "im gonna take a nap." she said cooly and the two nodded. lili pulled nate away before he could say bye. tessa sighed, laying down on her back. "hey barnsy, wanna come swimming?" she heard the voice of ej and she perched herself onto her elbows. he took in her stance, and angle she saw him check her out. she shivered and sat up all the way. "im okay. thanks though." she responded and he nodded, giving her a toothy smile before he ran off. she shut her door, silently cursing herself. this was going to be a long trip.

°• ♔ •°

the following day, the group decided they were going to play volleyball. just unsure when. before they made there way to the beach, ryan pulled tessa into her bedroom. "spill." he demanded crossing his arms as she sat on the bed. she shrugged, "tell you what?" she asked. he gave her a blank stare, "i know what youre hiding honeybug." he stated and she gritted her teeth. "nothing im hiding nothing." she spat, standing up and walked over towards the double window french doors to the balcony. she instantly found nate's broad shoulders, strong back and dirty blonde hair of his. she stared at him, as lili spoke to him from the pool with ej. ej and her were splashing one another now, and she could tell that nate wanted to be anywhere but there. "that. you are hiding that, tessa." ryan said from behind her, freaking her out. she must of timed out, watching him. she shook her head, looking out towards the beach now. "no its true. i could tell at breakfast. im not an idiot." he said, checking his hip with hers. "well i could say the same about you and maria..." she mused coyly, before giggling as she walked out of the room. "oh god no, if i ever have to be at the same table especially at their wedding, im killing them before they leave for cali." ryan mused making tessa laugh even more. "you two totally slept together!" he whispered yelled and she whipped around to face him. "oh thats gold." he said chuckling. she shook her head as he nodded hers.

"im not an idiot, i know you did. now it makes sense." he said as a wave of realization washed over him. as he placed his hands behind his head, laying down on her bed he asked, "you totally did..more than once?" he asked like a child, he couldn't contain his excitement. she combed back her hair, trying to calm herself down. "oh my god, twice?" he asked, getting excited more. she looked at him through the bedroom mirror and he started to laugh. "oh my god." he said abruptly stopping, "lili, oh my god, she's gonna flip." he said seriously before laughing. "its not funny!" she said pulling a pillow towards her from the bed and hitting him. "this is rich barnsy!!!! you have to say something to nate, i see it eating you two up." he exclaimed and she shook her head, a wave of guilt and sadness washed over her pale face. "no, its already been decided that we aren't to speak of it ever again." she stated before walking out.

breakfast.

tessa sat down next to nate by accident, as she sat their reading the newspaper. he met her eyes, over the newspaper, when she looked at him. she whisked her eyesight away and focused on transporting the fruit to her plate. "listen..tess. we need to talk-" she cut him off with a glare. "no, we do not. we already have. we can't hurt lili more than we already have." she hurriedly said. he swallowed back what he was going to say, and nodded. "never. again." she said through gritted teeth before meeting his eyes. god, those blue eyes that transported her back to shattucks. god, how she loved them.. ej bolted outside with coffee, and threw down a iced coffee for the brunette. a black coffee for nate. "oh yay coffee's here!" lili said walking out with pancakes. ej sat across next to lili who sat across from tessa. tessa swallowed, as she could feel the intense stare ej was giving her. nate coughed, breaking ej's concentration and ej looked away. maria sat down next to ej and he smiled at her. "morning." he smirked and maria gave him a polite smile, before noticebly scooting her chair a few inches away. ryan finally walked out and sat down next to tessa. "gravy finally arrives, nice. we can begin." lili said in her fake polite voice, clearly annoyed with ryan. per usual. "sorry princess, forgot the world and time revolved around you. what a keeper nate." raya huffed, and lili squinted at him while nate rubbed his eyes.

“okay gravy, atleast i have some sort of schedule going. arent you a hockey player? it looks like you haven't done anything to combat your croissants and poutine eating." she spat, (trigger warning) softly grabbing her stomach. he flipped her off, causing ej to laugh loudly. nate looked at him with a intense stare, one tessa hadn't seen for a few years. it was almost, like his old self had flared for a hot second. before it cooled. "atleast i dont spend somebody else's hard earned money." ryan muttered, and lili picked that up. "well, atleast he has somebody to spend it on. dont ya honey?" she smiled a dazziling smile, placing a arm over nate's shoulder and kissing him. ryan pointed a finger in his mouth and faked gagged causing tessa to stifle a laugh. "besides, i always tell nate to help out tessa but she always says no." lili added, sipping her coffee. tessa set down her fork, "how many times do i have to tell you that i dont want or need his money." she explained once again. "i am comfortable, i dont need a lot. besides-" lili cut her off, "youre due for a promotion anyways!" she clasped her hands together and tessa shook her head.

"no, not what i was gonna say but thats true. i like the life i live, and i love the work i do lili. i dont need anybody's money, especially not his." she defended and they all sat up with the 'not his' part. ryan took in the quick look nate and tessa shared, one without words but words. "what i mean is that, he's my friend, that just feels weird." she added and they nodded. "besides, more for me!" lili hummed, kissing nate again. tessa picked up her fork and took a strong bite of her strawberry.

After.

the group were outside on the beach, hitting the volleyball to warm up. it was ej and tessa, lili and nate. while ryan and maria sat out. "ouuu! we should play a game!" lili beamed with mimosa in her hand. "yes!" ej said loudly, pointing at her. "how about everytime we get a point, one of us on the winning point tells a secret!" lili said with a grin, causing ej to grin wickledly and laugh. "no i dont-" "lets not -" nate and tessa said at the same time. "oh come on! itll be fun!" lili said pouting. "yeah, itll be fun!" ryan added, and tessa glared at him. "ej im in, youre out." ryan said and ej nodded, as they switched positions. "ryan!" she whispered yelled at him, and he smirked. "it has to come out eventually babe." he smiled and placed a quick kiss on her head. nate looked over, and saw what was going on. he knew ryan knew, even without ryan confirming.

“ry!" she said before lili hit the ball to him, him to nate and back to ryan. that happend over and over. ryan won the never ending sequence and chuckled, "oh dont i have a secret!!" he huffed, "tell it tell it!" ej said like a 5 year old. "dont i have a secret." he laughed, and tessa begged him with a pleading look. "no its fine, we don't need to play." nate said trying to get him to not say anyhting. "no this has to be said." ryan exclaimed and lili looked on with excitment, "yes please tell!" she beamed sipping more of her mimosa. "tessa- tessa and-" but he was cut off, as she made he way towards ej - as a distraction - and kissed him. she kissd him hard, pulling him in by his thin shirt. nate and ryan looked on with confusion while lili shrieked with excitemnt. "AHHHH! im cupid!!" she cheered as tessa pulled apart, and walked off. ryan and nate looked at tessa as she stomped away.

tessa continued walking down the beach for 20 minutes more, trying desperately to stop crying. nothing was working. she sniffled, as she sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees. what the fuck did she just do, she thought. ryan made his way over, after the rest of the group went back to the house. "youre an ass." she said boldly, standing up and walking past him. without allowing him to get a word in. "tes-" she cut him off. "how dare you jeoporadize my whole relationship with them? huh?! how you made me kiss ej!" she screamed at him. "i made you kiss him? that was all your doing hun. not mine. youre too scared to admit your true feelings for nate, im not an idiot. you love him. everything makes fucking sense. ever since i first met him when i visited you in minnesota, i saw the way you looked at him and how he looked at you. you fucking fool. you let her snatch him away. you let her win." he screamed.

"she wins everything! she has won everything that has come her way! she gets the guy she gets the house, the unending bank account, her fucking parents are god sends, she got into utoronto with a lower gpa then me!!!! liliana wins everything, that is just how it goes. she wins everything." she whispered the last part, as she fell apart. ryan walked up to her, but she pushed him away. "no." she sniffled as she paused, "dont. just dont. youve done enough." she sighed and walked back up to the house. already packed and ready to go.

°• ♔ •°

the following evening the group was down at a local pub, taking in the drinks and food. tessa sipped her cocktail as maria came up. "ryan will never like me, right?" she stated and tessa did a double take at her. maria already knew, "im sorry maria. he doesn't like you that way and probably wont ever." she said softly. maria nodded, " its fine." maria responded before walking off. that was how it will be with nate, tessa thought. she looked in the distance and saw nate and lili bickering about something, before she walked off to dance with ej. nate rolled his eyes and turned around to the bar and met tessa's stare. she swallowed, grabbing her bag and walking out. she walked outside to the rain, and she felt her arm being grabbed. "tessa dont go!" nate pleaded. she shook her head, as she was being drenched.

“then leave her. leave her, and be-" he cut her off. "be with you? i cant, tess. i just cant." he stated and she nodded. "becasue it wouldnt look good, huh? im not exactly a trophy wife and im fine with that. but....but atleast ill be happy. at some point." she mused, and turned around. "im sorry tess. i really am." he stated and she stopped middway. she turned around and hurried towards him. "i should of gone back for you." she began, "i should if let you walk me home that night in denver. i should have let you done a lot of things but i was scared. i was nervous. i was scared into thinking that you could possibly like me." she exclaimed. "i should have never told you to stay with her, then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation now." she stated, finishing her tangent. he shook his head, "you were always enough tess. always, there wasn't a moment where i thought otherwise." he began and she felt a beacon of hope flicker through her. "but im with her now." he stated and she felt her heart break even more. she sighed, he took in all her tears. she shook her head, "youre a coward, nathan. a coward." she stated promptly. "but ill be happy, ill be incredibly happy without you." she stated, before walking off. nate watched as she did, the rain coming down even harder which coincided with her mood. nate really watched as the love of his life walked away for him, for good.

°• ♔ •°

there was a knock at her apartment door around 2pm. she closed her book and walked towards it, opening it to nathan. she tried to close it, but he quickly stopped it. "what nate?" she demanded, placing a hand on her hip. she shook her head when he said nothing, "we broke up. i - i thought about what you said and it's true. i won't be happy with her, how i'd be happy with you." he began and she shook her head sniffiling. "no." she said very warily, her voice cracking. she saw the pleading on her face, and opened her door further to let him in. "i should have never let you walk home that night you introduced us tess. i know that, ive known that but i was too scared to break it off and see what people that follow me would say. you were right, i am a coward. ok? and im sorry that it took me over 10 years to figure it out. im sorry tess, there isn't anybody i'd ever want to be with but you. and then we, and then we slept together and i knew i was doomed. i knew her's and i's relationship was doomed." he finished and she looked at the ground. she wiped her tears, looking back up at him. "i want you, always and forever." he stated, with much emotion. "i - im sorry." she started, "i just dont know. she's my bestfriend." she exclaimed. "i see the way she treats you t." he stated, using a barely used nickname from him. one that dated back to a drunken state moment in highschool.

“i want to, trust me." she sighed and was about to say something else but somebody knocked at her door. "tessa honeybug!!!" they both heard from her door, and she pushed him to go hide. "go go!" she whispered and he disapeared. she opened the door and lili instantly walked in. "i broke up with him!" she stated, and tessa acted surprise. "really?" she questioned and lili nodded sitting down. "i uh, i knew he wasn't the one. after.." she trailed off, unsure how to tell her best friend that she'd been sneaking off with somebody.

"what changed?" tessa asked, nervously. "i met somebody!" she squeled, not bothering to contain her excitement. "i mean, more then met." she added, "well i knew this person, for awhile." she stated. "who?" tessa whispered. "ej." she mouthed. "ej!" she said excitedly. the fuck? "the toothless big foot?" tessa quipped. lili rolled her eyes, "yes him. and i know!" she said. "thats nathan's teammate! lil!" tessa said getting defensive of him. "i know i know but nothing happened until we went to st johns. thats it. nothing before." lili defended. tessa began to pace, "and im in love with him, and i want to be with him." lili stated standing up and beginning to walk out. "i know it'll take you a bit to come around, but please don't tell nate yet. we want to do it together."she said before pausing at the door. tessa's mouth was still open in shock, "oh and dont feel guilty about the kiss. it was humerous." she smirked before walking out. as soon as she did, tessa went to look for nate. somebody knocked on the door again and she opened it to lili. "is that nate's jacket?" she asked, smirking. "wait what? oh- he left it in my car when we got back into toronto." she lied but lili didn't buy it. "no, no. thats not true." she stated, before pushing the door open. "nate! i know youre in here, nate!" she yelled, as tessa shut the door. nate walked out into the living room.

"you asshole!" "my teammate?!" they yelled at one another, "my best friend!!!!" lili threw back at him. "my. teammate." he slithered back. "how could you?" lili, turned towards tessa. "no- no dont go after tess. go after me. she didn't initiate it." lili held her hand up, "stop, dont speak for her." lili spat. lili shook her head at nate, "you know, i hope youre both happy together. i really do." was all lili said before walking out.

"nate-" tessa said but nate shook his head, grabbed his coat and walked out.

°• ♔ •°

tessa mouthed "im sorry" to ryan and he flipped over his card that had her name on it, "me too." and she hugged him. tessa had just flown from toronto to newark to visit ryan. she hadn't seen or talked to him since june and it was now middle of october, hockey season. they drove back to his condo, and the two put her stuff in the guest room. a little while later she walked out into the kitchen and sat down at the counter, as he cooked dinner. "whats for dinner?" she questioned in french. he smiled a toothy smile, "fettuince alfredo." he mused back in french. tessa nodded, grabbing the water bottle he set down on the counter. "what are you doing here?" he asked leaning against it, trying to read her expression. she sighed, "well you know about lili and ej. well nathan was there and lili heard and then he heard her and then when i tried to talk to him, he walked out." she said placing her face in her hands. he saw the stress, anxiety and never faultering love with nate. "have you talked since then?" he asked and she shook her head, "nor lili?" and she shook her head. "im alone." she said before sobbing. he instantly came over and pulled her in for a hug. "shh." he whispered over and over again, trying to comfort her. "youve got me." he said kissing her head. she sniffled, and pulled away. "youve always had me, no matter what." he explained some more, trying to get her to understand.

she looked at him, "always will. and-" he paused laughing nervously. "this is shitty timing but i dont care. ive always been there watching you from the bench, watching lili have something that you didn't. and that hurt me, because i was there the whole time but-" she cut him off, "i never noticed because i wanted him." she finished and he nodded. "im in love with you, and i have been since we were kids." he added and she felt a whiplash of memories hit her. she went through the big and little moments with him, putting the pieces together. he always chose her over lili, and that's why he got so upset with her in st john. "ry-" he cut her off, putting his hands up in innocence. "i know, i know." he said biting the inside of his cheek. "i know ill never be nate. ill never be nate the great. even before, i knew i was never good enough." was all he said before moving back to the stove. tessa sat there and shut her eyes, feeling her emotions consumer her. but they didn't. ryan's phone started to blast, and he looked a the id and saw nate. he rolled his eyes, picking it up.

“hey nate." he stated, and tessa perked up. ryan looked at tessa, "yeah she's actually here. she came to visit." ryan stated with not emotion on his face. "for you, tessa girl." he said locking his phone. "look's like it's time for you to fly to denver...in two hours."

1 year skip.

tessa walked with nate's dry cleaning in her hand as she walked through downtown denver. it was now october, one of the last warm days, and tessa was spending it in the city; working. after everything went down, lili and ej got together as well as nate and tessa. tessa moved in as lili moved out and in with ej. tessa was walking down the street going towards where nate said he'd be for them to drive home together, after she spent the day in the city. she walked down mainstreet and saw a familiar blonde walk past. the both of them paused instantly, turning around to face one another. lili sized tessa up and tessa just smiled. "you look good." tessa said, ever the people pleaser. ever the lili pleaser. lili pushed some hair behind her shoulder and smiled. despite them being in denver, and having their boyfriends be teammates, they stayed away from one another. they didnt talk, and tessa honestly had more friends outside of the wags group. she was only friends with tracy, cales gf and andrew coglianos wife. she was fine with that. nate and ej moved on, but still kept a distance. lili smiled, tilting her head just a bit. "oh." was all she said, before realizing that tessa saw it. "i hope you two are happy." was all lili stated, nodding towards tessa's engagment ring. the two got engaged over the summer right before they came out to denver. tessa smiled with a somewhat of a glow radiating from her, "we are. i am." was all she said. lili nodded, "are you two?" tessa questioned. lili nodded, "yes. we uh, we eloped this summer." she smiled referencing her small and simple ring. so unlike lili, tessa thought. "i know what youre thinking. but i love it. ej seems like a lot and he is in a way, but he's truly simple. i wish; i hope that someday you and nate can see that and hopefully come around. or atleast nate." lili responded and tessa nodded. "me too." tessa smiled, before turning around and continued to walk down main street to the square, where nate was waiting.

nate saw tessa's midlength wavy hair before he saw the rest of her. she was in her usual workday outfit, he pixie black pants clinging to her curves and her white boyfriend shirt untucked. she beamed as soon as she saw him, and he mirrored her. "hi." he mused, wrapping an arm around her back and pecking her. "hi." she said back, as he took the dry cleaning from her along with her work bag, and took her hand in the other. "ready for dinner?" he questioned and she nodded, heels clipping the sidewalk as they went to meet sid who was in the city for a game. where they'd also be asking him if he wanted to be Nate’s best man.

tessa saw her life with nate, she always had despite lili. despite the years spent on the bench, she'd never change it because now she had him. and he had her. she regularly thinks about their first meeting as they plan their wedding, both remembering clearly the outfit she had on. a blue dress. something borrowed from the very beginning.

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wasnt sure how to end but i hope you guys like it!!! despite it's being hella long, i hope you liked the drama :)

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