#i never understood how to use these

[hellenistic-bastard]

hate to say it but my twitter is getting found by too many people to gauge tweet on so i’m going to be vague tweeting about my happenings on twitter on tumblr

#i never understood how to use these #do i actually tag shit or is this meant to be funny

[introspectivememories]

tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.

(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)

and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.

tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.

(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)

and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.

(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)

and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly

and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves

(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)

but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.

#what the fuck is this #the theme was wistfulness. hopefully that came across right. and like i wanted this to be all 1 text block so you feel how it all collapses #into that 1 thought they have at they end but fuckass tumblr has a 4096??? text limit for a single paragraph???? so here's multiple paragra #anyway here is my middle of the road sad timbern hc. do i think this will happen? no? is this still a fun world to play in? yeah absolutely #also super huge fan of darla haunting the narrative. darla as this chasm they cannot cross. darla as smth they shelter each other from #but also smth like a 2 way blade. it cuts them both. it will never stop cutting them. smth smth the wound will always bleed #also i cannot stress how important it is that they are happy with other people!!! they are both satisfied with other people. it's just that #they have a very specific history and they are the only two people who really know and understand that history #and also it's not that theyre unhappy with their partners but just that smtimes they look at each other and... wonder. in a softer world #maybe i could've been a chef and you could've still been a superhero and we could've still worked out. maybe we would've gotten a boat #together and maybe we could've come home to each other. maybe i could've trusted you to come home to me. maybe you could've #understood my need to help people. maybe we could've held our love as something precious. #maybe in a softer world our love wasn't something that hurt us both. #i need to lay down. im going crazy #as always i do love reading yalls thoughts in the reblogs and replies!!! #bernard dowd #dc #tim drake #timbern #timber

[uncanny-tranny]

The frustrating part about conversations like "should people with self-harm scars warn others before showing off their body?" and conversations like it is how nobody would tell me that my scars are obscene or should be hidden despite, literally, being self-harm scars. They just do not know because people literally do not know what self-harm scars are and what self-harm is.

Our bodies are not vulgar or gross. We deserve to live our lives, and if our scars make you uncomfortable, we can be compassionate about that, but that doesn't mean that our bodies are Bad and should be Locked Away. Treat us like we belong, because we do.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #self harm #self harm tw #sh tw #it's just funny seeing what people think self-harm is #because they wouldn't think twice about my scars but they would rain hellfire on somebody who has scars that LOOK like they're... #...the result of self-harm (even if they are not from it!) #people just run with the assumptions they have based off of like... pop media and sad songs and never from us #/especially/ if you are somebody who never self-harmed in the most 'conventional' or 'understood' way... #...i found that as somebody who fits that category nobody knows how to treat me... #...which tied into a different post i made about 'unconventional' self-harming bahaviour #and the idea that we should be hidden away like a broken doll just helps contribute to us not getting help or being able to recover... #...like part of the reason i have self-harmed is because i was told how my trans body was obscene in cis society... #...it was more complex than that but being told you are Fundamentally Broken and Bad is genuinely evil

[kaibette]

Some headshot commissions I've done over on twitter!

#kaibette.art #my art #illustration #digital art #sonic #oc #fc #i dont know how to use tags on here #i dont even remember what my art tag was #please help me #i never understood this site and i still dont #im so sorry lmao im incompetent

[thermodynamic-comedian]

thing is i don't really feel bad for any tma character. i get disappointed when a character i like dies, but i can't observe the series from an "i feel bad for these people" perspective, because it's so damn fascinating to observe it from a thought exercise perspective instead. not "would i feel bad if this bad thing happened to this person", but rather "would this person be bad if they did this thing?" or "if a bad thing happened to a bad person, would they deserve it? is pain something you can deserve?"

which is why malevolent is fucking destroying me because it's not a thought exercise or a philosophical ramble, it's a story. and i'm viewing it from the perspective of "this is a story that i am being told about awful things happening to people".

all of this to say, i feel genuinely bad for arthur lester and i don't know how to deal with that

#i'm not used to. actually feeling bad when something bad happens to a fictional guy #idk i mean ive seen a lot of people say they feel bad for jonathan sims and i never really understood that #like to me it was always . huh that's an interesting scenario i wonder how he'll react #but i can't really do that with arthur because malevolent isn't trying to make me do that #it's just that tma presents me with questions that i'm interested in answering. #malevolent presents me with questions i've already considered and it doesn't even want me to answer #it wants me to feel #tma #the magnus archives #malevolent #malevpod #malevolent podcast

[holocene-sims]

friendship with my semi-hiatus ended, now this sim i made is my best friend 🤝

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 portrait #simblr #hey hi hello how are we doin #i promise you i will find a way to use her in something jdisjkls i'm kind of obsessed she turned out so pretty #btw not me just figuring out how to make my pics slightly less blurry on here #at least i hope it looks less blurry! it does for me so fingers crossed it's that way on other screens #yeah i have literally never understood what photo dimensions work on here but apparently mega long photos are fine! #i used to go crazy with photo editing when i was a ts3 main in like 2014 on my prev blog WHERE DID THOSE BRAINCELLS GO #btw i've been playing ts3 lately #i'm on gen 5 (i think) of a legacy that started with claire ursine and the baby she's preggo with at the start of sunset valley #although i keep having to move them to new towns bc my game is acting up on ea app and my saves corrupt a lot #holocene.png

[skinnypaleangryperson]

The way that I navigate all social media, especially tumblr these days, is as follows; accept that nobody cares about anyone as an individual outside of consumerism unless you are becoming an entrepreneur in order to turn yourself into something to be consumed, reblog things casually, and move the f*** on

#I can't believe how naive I was navigating this app a couple of years ago #I truly thought I was going to make friends and get a sense of community and be cared about us an individual #I cared around that naivety my whole life and I finally truly understood what this country is actually about #now I haven't had a single friend in about 3 years straight haven't talked to anyone #and realized everything else before was fake #and have come to realize that America is either about becoming the thing to be consumed or to consume #but never about humanity #I hope that my heart gives out soon and it truly felt like it was going to today

[moongothic]

May I ask for married lizards head cannons (Dragon x Crocodile)

Unfortunately, honestly, I don't really have Dragodile headcanons at all, mainly because we know so little about Dragon it's kind of hard for me to imagine what he'd be like in a relationship with anyone, let alone with the meanest reptile on the planet

Aside from Dragon being the worst lay Crocodile ever had but to be fair that is at least 38% a joke headcanon

#Moon posting #Asks #OP Meta #Dragodile #When your husband has had the honor of having a dick for 34 years and still hasn't figured out how to actually use it #🐊''Do I need to get one myself just to show you how it's done'' #🐉 ''You prommy? 🥺👉👈'' #There is something extremely funny about Crocodile being so mean and the idea that Dragon was INTO that #Although I often suggest that Dragon might be just plain straight- mainly because I can't imagine Oda making Gay Dragodile canon #There is something very interesting to me about the idea that Crocodile could've been Dragon's Bisexual Awakening #But he never understood that at the time. And by the time he realized he was still into Croc even as a man like. The Divorce had happened #(And if The Divorce had been bad... Could it have been partially due to Dragon's own internalized homophobia?) #And IDK I think that could lead into some interesting story directions but. Alas. Again. Can't imagine it happening #Like I can imagine Oda giving Luffy not just two dads but making one of them trans #I can't imagine Oda giving us not just a canon gay couple but making them the protagonist's own parents #Like I don't want to entertain the thought too much because knowing it'd never happen would just make me sad lol

[iriswestallenn]

I keep forgetting how annoying it is to watch a currently airing show with a large fanbase on tumblr. Stop tagging the ship name with silly complaints that make no sense. How is that fun for anyone who just wants to browse the tag in peace?

"Ugh Luke saying they're acting like a married couple is fanservice." A child? Saying a variation of 'Annabeth and Percy kissing in a tree, k i s s i n g' lmao please be serious. THEY ARE KIDS, teasing each other. Were y'all never teased when you hung out with another kid and your friends noticed y'all were looking a little too friendly? Oh brother.

"They're pushing Grover to the side in favor or percabeth :(" Huh? Did you read the books? Grover (i love) barely does much. If anything the show is giving him way more to do and say. The actor who plays Grover I genuinely think is the best actor out of the three, he's doing a very good job. Any Pan mention, the moment he found Ferdinand, all great scenes.

"It's not a slow burn! They're already too flirty." Once again, children. They have only hugged and even though I'm a lunatic that is reading into everything because I love percabeth... Not a damn thing came out of that hug lmao there was no nervousness, no 'how do I act around her/him now that I've hugged him oh no' type feelings. She was happy he was ALIVE. Simple.

Also the actual actors are finding their footings with each other as each episodes go by so there's a naturally progression happening both on and off screen. The actors also have said again and again they read all the books so they know their characters are endgame and probably are playing into that a bit. Maybe they don't even realize they're doing it because they were TWELVE at time of filming.

I wonder why so many people are so bothered by show-percabeth especially if they're fans of the books. This couple is the IT couple. They are hyped. Their story, what they do and go through for each other is legendary lmao so what exactly is the real issue? Do you not want parallels to happen? Seeds planted, sOME smiling??? Do you not want Annabeths found family brother who witnessed her shove Percy into the ocean just not mention he notices they seem to have gotten closer?

Very peculiar...

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percabeth #i have never understood the concept of tagging the ship you're not giving actual critique about but rather plain annoyance #whenever i had antis back when i had the time lmao i would tag anti ship name and tag the show name too #i tagged the show name if i was looking for actual discussion like am i seeing this wrong #but just straight up HATING? I only tagged anti #why tf would i want to interrupt other peoples happy scrolls with my nonsense? #im too grown for this haha so i am not replying to anyone with any rebuttals i am just asking yall to get out the tag #the examples i used above are not constructive #people are in the percabeth tag saying 'FANSERVICE that they smiled at each other already in ep 3*angry face* #'too much percabeth *rolling eye emoji* #okay and that's your opinion but just #get out the damn tag lmao omgg #not in 2024 do yall not know how to tag correctly

[stalkiwi]

All my friends are laughing at something, happy about it, joyous. I remain neutral, merely observing the scene.

"Why are you not happy?" one turns to me, noticing my expression.

Because I don't get it, I reply.

"You just don't care about us."

I may not get it, I understand that it's making you happy. And it's what matters - I'm glad to know my friends are happy - I explain.

"You don't show it - you're lying." they blame me.

I struggle to show it. But it doesn't mean that I do not care - I simply cannot express it.

"You're always acting like that around us. Just tell us if you don't like being with us." they growl.

But I don't understand. I am myself around my friends. Isn't it a proof that I am comfortable to be with them?

"You're always silent, you act different, you make no efforts for us, you're not polite, you don't dress well, you don't smile - you really look like we're bothering you."

Should I be someone I am not? Am I being appreciated for who I am? Or for who I am expected to be?

"Don't you know social codes?"

Social codes make no sense to me. No matter how much I am being explained them. I ask nothing to anyone, I expect nothing about anyone, but to be respected, and I respect them in return.

"Respect is about making an effort to be agreeable around us."

To me, respect is to understand everyone is different, and to accept it - to not force them to step out of their comfort for you. That someone refuses to dress in an elegant way or to spray perfume when they visit me is not a message to tell me that they do not like me. It means nothing, in fact, to me.

"Don't you see you're making our lives worse? You're disgusting, you're needy, you're unpleasant."

Then why staying with me? If I am ruining your life by simply existing, then you should not be around me - it's what I say.

"But we care about you!"

I appreciate, but the "me" you care about is not who I am. I'm sorry.

#vent #text post #autism #today I hanged out with friends and I felt like a stranger #this is not what they told me exactly but more what I understood in how they treated me #I am used to it. I am used to being told all these things #but I can not understand them no matter how much I wrap my head around it #why does it matter? why should I adapt to other people? #I ask nothing to nobody #yet everyone asks something to me #I just wish to be with people who will let me be who I am #WELL! not a funny post at all. just a text idea I had in mind #I like that I did not used “” around the replies. Because these are things that I can't say in front of anyone. The words are stuck #it's just a snip of the mind of an autistic person when they are in “society” #I can't get it. I will never be able to get it probably. It's stupid to me #“social codes” are a form of hypocrisy to me. dishonesty. an act. a red flag. I will never be able to judge anyone based on it.

[dreamlanddeluxe]

Sorry man but this poll kind of makes me mad feel free to ignore me im sure the op meant no harm but it's like a representation of the stupid overtly tame generalization of mental illness that I see on this site sometimes, all of the main choices listed are all "positive" traits it just feels like. I dunno. For the most part I was never really truthfully considered mature for my age or a pleasure to have in class a lot of teachers hated me and made fun of me for my inattentiveness. when I was considered a "gifted kid" in elementary school it was only because I was just naturally analytical and had interest in dogs and read excessively about dogs and just in general talked A Lot and they just saw me reading a lot and ran with it but once they realized Oh I am actually stupid I was removed from the gifted program. Even when I was considered "gifted" and was offered to skip a grade it was decided it was best for me to stay where I was because "while I was book smart my social skills were developmentally behind" or whatever. These terms just feel catered towards those who were able to do well in school and blend in the best with normal people and the "other" option is just thrown in to acknowledge annoying bitches like me. Or maybe I'm reading to far into this but do you understand where I'm getting at

#and even when these more positive terms were used for me it was for reasons I never understood #im not sure how to word it like. these ''positive'' words i eventually came to realize were just codename for when i somehow ended up doing #something that was considered normal #anything else then id just get called a fat ass r word #i dont know if this is hypocrytical of me to say as im not professionally diagnosed with anything and i recognize that in itself #is an advantage #but do you see what i am getting at #whatever. better things to put my mind towards. I am going to play games now

[suguelya]

I am 100 percent with you on preferring the JP line in that cutscene if only because it does feel more powerful (and his voice is SO soft, which is something that frequently gets completely lost in the dub in general. Mamoru carries a much softer tone overall for Flynn, similar to how Yuri's playfulness and carefree vibe got lost in favor of the dub's aim for a more "cool adult guy").

That said, I was not even aware they left the whistle out!!! I haven't bothered with that sidequest because the outfit is readily available for free as DLC.

While I enjoy having Flynn present in the last battle, I wish they'd just had him look back up at the sky and say that right next to Yuri right before the very end of the cutscene (since imo that'd be the best placement for it). No reason not to stick that back in!!!

But removing the whistle is just an outright crime and I am owed a fee from the people who decided that for the devastation I've been inflicted with.

Big same 🤝

I used to be such a fan of the eng dub but tbh ever since I experienced the original japanese (back when we still called it the PS3 Version lol) I never looked back. The wording is so, so, SO much more layered and leaves little room to misinterpret subtleties and subtext. Like you, I've had many gripes about the localization because sometimes they just plain insert stuff that was never there in the first place - iirc Troy Baker admited that apparently they rushed the dub so hard, sometimes the voice actors themselves were asked to chip in for the translation...he said he loved that (I'll bet), but that might explain why so much of the OG english script was already full of weird phrasings and insertions...add to that the even more sloppy and lazy DE localization and you get only half of the richness of the original japanese.

Also yes Mamo and Tori *are* Flynn and Yuri more than anybody ever could be. Sam and Troy do a good enough job but I agree that Troy may have been directed to play Yuri closer to a traditional "cool bad boy", which is hilarious given how the original Yuri is a twist on that very trope. Unfortunately, Troy gave him this uncharacteristically cold/aggressive edge whenever he talks to Flynn that it makes it sound like he's always annoyed to see him, and it strips their relationship of so much of the softness and playfulness that Tori lends Yuri.

Anyway enough about me ranting because I could go on for about 10 more hours about this issue lmao. Honestly yeah they very well could've rearranged Flynn's cutscene to fit in there at the end, like hell if you can change the entire camera angles of whole scenes you can change that one background, no?? Knowing Tomizawa though that might have been more effort than he was willing to grant this remaster - won't be his last time.

Same for the wolf whistling!! They replaced it with a skit that is just as funny...

....but void of the insane flirting the original had. Idek why they went so far as to change it, it would've been less work to just leave it as it was 😭

#sorry for the length i just will never be able to shut up abt the translation #theres so much wrong with it #and when i say 'so much' i dont mean 'huge things' i mean 'a million tiny things that end up becoming huge in the big picture' #the most eggregious mistranslations to me were the ones where they shoehorned heterosexuality where there was none to begin with #like inserting estelle in sentences from yuri when she wasnt even in the original jp line #i know jpn loves to play w/ the implicit & the context but when yuri says to repede 'its gonna be lonely now huh' after the party separated #then he does not mean 'its gonna be lonely *without estelle in particular*' he means *without everyone* because he got used to them #and yet the tl makes it only abt her #or #the most unforgivable mistranslation of all to me #when they turned yuris response to estelle's 'id love to keep travelling with you' just before tarqaron from 'thanks same here' #to 'i feel the same way' #like ????? #that changes the ENTIRE conversation BECAUSE its all about the subtext #like it or not (and i hate it) but estelle does have some bodyguard crush on yuri there and this is the way she chooses to 'confess' #you can tell just by the way the scene plays out & how much it lingers on yuris very careful pokerface bc he has very clearly Understood #and yet does not reciprocate so he's being very careful what his next words will be so she Gets The Memo without having to hurt her feelings #and it works!! because iirc she does drop her head and nod a little as if she did get it and accepted what that he basically rejected her #so this isnt JUST some unimportant line #ITS VERY MUCH THEN MOMENT HE SAYS THANKS BUT NO THANKS #SO TRANSLATING THAT WITH 'I FEEL THE SAME' MAKES ZERO SENSE AS IT JUST DESTROYS THE ORIGINAL MEANING BY TURNING IT INTO ITS ENTIRE OPPOSITE #sorry im getting heated abt this again i just #f #even the scenario book interviews confirm that and put emphasis on it so this isnt just me reading too much into it for The Yaoiz #*thats* the subtlety vesperia deals with all the time and *thats* the subtlety the eng tl keeps chipping away at #i know the translators most likely had little direction to go off of so this isnt to dunk on them #more like the complete lack of communication between loc departements and the heteronornativity they resort to when in doubt #hell even higuchi agreed when i addressed this on twitter with him #dude knows #ANYWAY TUMBLR SAID IM EXCEEDING THE TAG LIMIT LMAO sorry for the huge rant i just. have feelings abt tov's loc

[mattodore]

hi river, quick question, do u use hq mod?

no i don't! but i do use gshade, softerhaze's milk thistle world lighting overhaul, northern siberia winds' in-game lighting, simp's graphics overhaul (the ultimate quality one, and i've made some personal changes too i think), and i think i also use amoebae's shadows for days. sometimes i upscale photos with srwe. my graphics settings in the game are also set as high as they can be.

gshade does a lot to make my game look better tho... like here are some before and after pics:

#river dipping #asks #anonymous #i figured i'd just share all (or i think MOST of) the mods i use to make my game look better since i assume you were wondering #if the hq mod is what makes my photos look nice... it's not #honestly i've just never understood how to use the hq mod... #i think if you use the hq mod then you have to convert all of your cc textures or something??? which um. #i have... 146gb of cas cc and 82gb of build cc so. i simply can't do that........................... #like the amount of TIME that would take??? please. i would die. #i would love to use it tho bc even tho i think my photos look good enough i would love to see my ocs at like. their most elevated. #...i hopped in game to take these pics btw jknhkf that's why it took me so long to reply sawrryyyyy #ALSO... i am constantly turning shaders on and off on my in-game presets

[arthurtaylorlester]

cecil winning against reigen or whatever is called is nice and all but what the fuck are we gonna do against sans fucking undertale

#podcast fandom we need to really come in clutch with this one #I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW SANS WAS SEXY MAN #but i need him to lose to cecil please it would be funny #it could end up on the show #like do you get it? #we could have CECIL FUCKING GERSHWIN PALMER WIN the tumblr sexyman polls #fundementally distinguishing us from twt #because there cecil lost in like round 1 #wtnv #welcome to night vale #wtnv whiplash #cecil palmer #cecilsweep

[cutepotatook]

Hey neighbor! What art program do you use and what's your favorite palette to use when coloring?

Haha, hellooo!! Hmm, I usually use Clip Studio Paint and SAI 2 (the first one is for lineart and the second one is for coloring)

And about palettes..I think I like to use bright or pastel colors! :) But I like to experiment with them, so I use different colors every time Thanks for asking, hope you have a good day!

#I've never understood how people use the same palette at their works #But it sounds interesting and fun! #Maybe I should try too haha

[enden-k]

im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)

on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?

i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)

(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)

ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there

#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl #and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction #so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was #instant comfort and the feeling of being understood #that its like #if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me #knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset #uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me #when to come close and when to give me space #perfectly knowing me and reading me #i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense #so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean #not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used #ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone #only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that #you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that #i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and #thats enough #sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my #mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really #grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year #bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me #inside me there is someone #reply #tags tbd #in case i get embarrassed LMFAO