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lover-of-queens · 3 years

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Farah Dowling is Alive Part 3

Or, as I like to call it, I think I’m running out of funny subtitles.

If you haven’t yet, I recommend checking out Part 1 & Part 2

Under the cut, as usual!

Parts 1 and 2 of this analysis were focused on a deep dive into the first season to to look for clues and any evidence that suggests getting our lovely Eve Best back for season 2 of Fate. This part will be slightly different. While I’m honestly surprised at the seeming fandom consensus that Farah is alive, there are some counterarguments I’ve seen/heard that I’d like to address. These counterarguments may either be the ones most convincing to me that Farah isn’t coming back (and then I’ll give reasons why I think they’re wrong) or fears about Eve’s filming schedule (I’ll also try and offer some hope there).

The first counterargument is that the writers may choose to not bring Farah back in order to play into the dead mentor trope. Also known as the Mentor Occupational Hazard trope. Pretty self explanatory, but the essential idea is that at some point the protagonists of the story have to learn how to make it on their own without that guiding figure; they have to grow up. Frodo has to make it without Gandalf, etc. You only have to google examples of this trope to see how much it shows up in the media we consume. And it could easily apply to Fate. Farah provided that mentoring role in the first season but now, without her, the girls have to figure out how to hold their own against the villains infiltrating their school. The end of season 1 is, essentially, setting this trope up.

I just don’t think that Farah has to be dead for them to do it. While I don’t know where the writers are planning to take season 2, I would imagine even if we do get Farah back, she won’t play as big a role as she did in the first season. What this means is that likely the winx girls will still have to figure out a way to hold their own despite losing that mentor figure (hopefully, she’ll just be in hiding and not dead *cough cough* fate writers).

Also, the thing with setting a show at a school is that the mentor role is somewhat inherent to the structure. And as I’ve mentioned in the previous two parts (extremely unlikely redemption arc pending) I just cannot see Rosalind holding onto that “mentor role” for more than a season (or two, depending on where season 2 ends & if there’s a renewal for a third). Seems to me like they’ll have to bring that “dead mentor” back to resume her rightful place. So, I think it’ll be more likely we’ll get a subversion of the dead mentor trope.

The second argument & the argument that concerns me the most can be summed up in one character: Andreas. Now, I know what you’re thinking, what the hell does he have to do with this? It’s less to do with him and more to do with the fact that he came back from the dead (or allegedly dead, it’s complicated!). This concerns me because writers generally want the idea of death to be taken seriously on the show or whatever form of media they’re writing. Especially since Fate has taken a darker route, I’m not certain it wants viewers under the impression that anybody they kill off can just come back; it somewhat defeats the purpose.

So will Fate writers want to bring Farah back despite knowing this? Maybe.

The whole ‘Farah’s eyes glowed before she died’ plot is interesting because of precisely how vague it is, how many directions it can be taken in that could either lead to her coming back or not. It may be intentionally vague because they want us theorizing and talking about the season/show after it’s ended, it may be vague because they themselves are trying to figure out what direction to take. But let’s be clear, they are heavily pushing the theorizing angle. These are all taken from three separate posts on Fate’s IG page:

In the last one, Hannah, Precious and Sadie all agree that Farah needs to be in season 2. As Sadie says “We can’t have a season 2 without her.” Precious points out how the death scene was “too easy”. Similar sentiments are echoed on Netflix’s Afterparty for Fate when the host asks:

David Spade: “Do you think Professor Dowling . . . faked her own death and then she can come back on season two? . . . sometimes it’s such a big hit like this, then they say ‘People like that character, let’s try to find a way to come back’”.

To which Abbey says: “It’s a magical show, anything can happen!”

I mean one only needs to take a look at AO3 to see that over half of the stories on there feature Farah - but admittedly that is a more niche section of a fandom. Something broader would be looking at the IG comments where Farah’s name generally pops up in the top comments with a message hoping she’s going to be brought back. Also the Farah/Eve fandom on IG is LARGE and growing.

Additionally, I think the amount of Farah/Golden Trio bloopers we got is also a good sign (especially because Eve got single shots) that Netflix/Whoever is in charge sees her as a popular character. And I don’t think there would be a push for discussion of Farah theories just for it to end with her remaining dead. So even though Andreas has come back, I think Farah can too. The next person that dies on the show though . . . well . . . that’ll likely be more permanent.

Now that we’ve established from a story and fandom perspective why Farah is likely coming back. Let’s talk about what most people are actually worried about. Eve’s filming schedule. I’m going to preface this argument with a mention that I’m not an industry professional or anything, so these are just my best guesses based on the facts available to us.

House of the Dragon is due to start shooting in April (source). Since it’s the first season we don’t really have an idea of how long it’ll take to film, but since it is the GOT prequel, I would say its a fair assumption to base a rough production schedule around the earlier seasons of that show. The reason why I say earlier is that the later seasons did come with longer filming schedules, but GOT was the epitome of pop culture at that point. I don’t think House of the Dragon will be getting that treatment until it proves itself.

Game of Thrones took roughly six months to film a season (source). If we’re assuming that HOTD will take a similar timeline then we’re probably looking at an April to September filming schedule, possibly longer because Covid is causing production delays everywhere.

We don’t have news about when Fate is planning to start filming their second season. From Abbey’s IG, we know that the first season filmed from September to December 2019, so I think it’s also fair to assume that we’re probably looking at a similar schedule for season 2. Also, considering they got an additional two episodes then I’m guessing their filming time will increase.

Put these two schedules together and there’s not that much overlap and even should HOTD take longer, or Fate start shooting earlier, there’s still should be enough time for Eve to film both - if she’s willing! Also, realistically, I don’t see any way that Farah’s screen time doesn’t drop in season 2 (for a variety of reasons) but that drop should hopefully mean that they can get Eve.

Alright y’all, I think that’s the last part of this series, at least for now. It has been so so fun to theorize with all of you and to write almost four thousand words on this topic (that’s crazy!). I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t fun for me, but at the same time, seeing everyone’s reactions to these posts really just makes my heart warm and it all worth it. So, thank you all for coming on this journey with me <3

#farah dowling #fate the winx saga #this one is shorter thankfully <3

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allywritesforfun · 3 years

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{Trusting You; Chapter 4} Loki x Reader

summary: You are a superhero from out of town. After getting injured by a frost giant, you are taken in by the Avengers. To keep yourself safe, you have to decide who can trust.

pronouns: she/her

word count: 1003

masterlist

“You almost single handedly destroy all of us. We need you on this team and you will be. How about in the time of Lady (Y/N)’s recovery and her learning her job on the team, you take care of her and help her out. They'll let you in the team for sure if you do a good job,” Thor urged. “I doubt they have the time with all of the media to take care of her. It will be some great bonding time, you do understand powers better than the rest of us...”

“Your Majesty's, you have returned later than I expected,” A voice commented.

“Yes we have! We gave Lady (Y/N) magical healing powers from the Gods to help us out,” Thor answered. “Well, we also did it to save her life, of course, but she can now help S.H.I.E.L.D. and our people heal and stay safe.”

“She survived unexpectedly, but she's here. Lady (Y/N) protects Great Britain. She's a weapon master and has these balls of powers that she makes. With her new powers she'll be a great addition to our team,” Loki answered. “She won’t have to fight much, maybe just be some sort of supplier. She might be the missing puzzle piece.”

“You seem to be very fond of her,” The man observed.

“I'm warming up to her I guess,” Loki confessed. “She seems to be fond of me too.”

Me, fond of him? How delusional is this guy? I was literally dying in his arms, it’s only natural reaction to cling on to what seems to be protecting you. Pfft, I am not that fond of him. Loki is charming, clever, and quite handsome but I haven't even known him for a full day. How dare he make these assumptions...

“I'm forcing Loki to spend time with her to prove himself to the others. Maybe if they see his softer side they'll accept him,” You heard Thor pat Loki on the back. “He talks all about how he is ‘warming up to her’ but do not be fooled, he too is becoming fond. I have not seen this much color in his face since he was a mere boy.”

I can hear you! Oh… I'm paralyzed…

“This girl will not make me weak like Jane did to you,” Loki growled. “You let Jane get to you, get in your head. You were willing to die for her for God’s sake! I will never let any man or woman do that to me.”

“Brother, you will want to risk your life for her some day, I see it in the way you look at her. With those bold eyes, soft smile, small dimples showing. You are gonna come to realize that she will change your life and you will only want more.”

He's known me for a few hours!

“Let's just get back,” Loki sighed and held you tighter, protectively.

In all honesty, you didn’t mind Loki holding you so close to him. You never have had anyone care about you this much since you left the States. You became a loner. Even if Loki was only doing this to prove some point, you were okay with that. Not because you liked getting used, but because you could sense some sort of genuinity. He may have told others he didn't care, but his thumb rubbing your side in a comforting circle said otherwise.

You felt a familiar wind and soon you were outside on a New York sidewalk. You forced your eyes open and saw the lobby of Stark Towers. You closed them again from being exhausted. The last place you wanted to be was back in the tower. From the sound of it, you are a prisoner to them now, just like Loki is. They saved your life, but at what cost?

The elevator dinged- you assumed on the top floor. Loki took a few steps forward and the room quieted down.

“Took you guys long enough,” Steve commented, running to the windows. “Who did you have to escape this time?”

“No one,” Thor answered. “We gave Lady (Y/N) healing powers to help us out.”

“Smart,” Tony mumbled.

“Is there a room for her to stay? She's going to be in recovery for a while. She'll need her rest,” Loki asked.

“I have the whole S.H.I.E.L.D. Team living here while they rebuild the base. She's gonna have to stay with one of us,” Tony told him.

“Natasha?” Loki asked.

She sighed, “I don't have the time to take care of two people. I have to keep Banner calm.”

“Well Brother, it looks like you shall be sharing. You're the only one who has time,” Thor suggested. “I'm sure we have an air mattress somewhere for you.”

You could feel the death stare Loki was giving his adopted brother. He tightened his grip on your arm out of frustration. You felt his hair sway as he shook his head.

“Hey! And maybe if you don't kill her, we’ll allow you on the streets!” Tony added.

“I am not sleeping on some air! I am way too big for that! I’ll pop it the second I lay on it!” He protested.

“There is always a couch,” Banner pointed out.

“My feet will hang off,” Loki sighed. “The bed I have already barely fits. I don't even get decent slumber, now you want me to give it away to some mortal? It is the only form of comfort that I have here.”

“I don't think (Y/N) would appreciate having to share a bed with someone who tried to kill her,” Natasha reminded them. “Let's just get a mattress.”

“We don't have the space for a mattress!” Tony looked around. “Nowhere on this floor- even this building has room for another piece of furniture!”

“You two will have to work it out then,” Banner said. “Just know that you’ll end up sleeping on the floor.”

taglist: @zizzlekwum @classyunknownlover

#loki #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki layfeyson x reader #marvel #mcu #thor #thor odison #natasha romanoff #black widow #Tony stark #iron man

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isa-ly · 3 years

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THE TRUTH UNTOLD

TW: mental illness, eating disorders, depression, anxiety

I know the title might be a fun little hint to a certain k-pop song (which is a reference about three people will understand) but despite that little quirky pun, this post I’m about to write and that you’re about to read, is not gonna be easy. Or witty, or funny like some of the previous posts were. It’s most definitely going to be the longest one, though.

Because, in all honesty, this is the one post I have been absolutely dreading to make. However, it’s also the post that I kind of started this blog for because, unlike my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia and quarter-life crisis, this is something only my closer circle and those who happened to ask, really know about.

And, once again in all honesty, this is the actual reason I started therapy almost a year ago. Because in every way possible, shit had hit the fan so hard that there had been nothing left but to step on the emergency breaks. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself here. So, let’s try and start from the beginning.

I’ve talked about my more or less mental breakdown and burn out during my last year of university a few times now. Didn’t spare any details either. However, there is one thing that I’ve been mindfully avoiding that actually took up a pretty big part of that time of my life. The reason I avoided it, was because in my head, I kept running in circles on how I would phrase it and explain it in a way that would a) not sound too shocking and b) not make me look like a complete stranger to people who, until now, had no idea of what I’m about to say.

Eventually, though, I realized that I was doing the exact same thing I’ve always been doing. Which was searching for excuses to not talk about the biggest struggle in my life and make myself vulnerable. And I don’t want to make these excuses anymore because, really, all they ever did was harm me. So, here goes nothing.

Hello. My name is Isa. And for over a year now, I have been suffering from an eating disorder called anorexia nervosa.

The sheer act of just having typed this sentence out on virtual paper, threw me so hard that I spent a good 15 minutes simply staring at my laptop screen just now. I told you, this wasn’t going to be easy.

Since the only place I’m really “promoting” this blog on is Instagram, I’m just going to try and somehow use that as a segue to this post. Over the last year, I’ve received quite a few messages from friends, family and sometimes also random acquaintances, whenever I posted a picture of myself on my story or feed. Some of them were jokey, some of them interested and a very select few were concerned, too. All of them were about my apparent change of appearance, however. Of course, I didn’t only receive those messages online. The people who know and see me in real life, the above mentioned inner circle, have known for a while and some of them, as much as I wish they hadn’t had to, saw all of it happen in real life.

I know I included it in the trigger warnings already, but I want to point it out one more time here because I know how incredibly triggering these things can be – especially to people who have struggled or are struggling with similar issues. So, if reading about body image, dieting, weight loss and eating disorders makes you uncomfortable or could trigger bad memories and behaviour, this post might not be the one for you. I don’t want to be patronizing, you know what’s best for you, just wanted to make sure to highlight it before I continued.

I also want to preface this by saying that I can and only will talk about my own experience here. I am in no way, shape or form an expert on mental health and eating disorders and what I’m going to say and talk about, is purely a narration of what happened in my own life. Eating disorders, just like any other mental illness, are very individual and I do not want to come off as blurting out generalizations about them. Just so that we’re clear here.

Therapy taught me that the psychological, biological and/or societal origin of eating disorders is still almost completely scientifically unknown. It is for that exact reason, that the various EDs are some of the most stereotyped and stigmatized mental illnesses there are – which is also why it took me so long to actually pluck up the courage and energy to talk about it. I imagined people reading about my anorexia and thinking: “Oh, I bet it’s because she was bullied for her weight when she was a kid”, or: “Well, just another one of those girls who wanted to be skinnier”. Possibly also: “I never would have thought that someone like her would end up with an eating disorder. She always seemed so confident!”

So, to combat the fear of coming off like a cliché or sob story, I knew simply had to tell my whole and honest story. Because even if I’m worried about being put in a box or labelled as something I’m not, it still happened. And it’s still my story. And to move on from it, or better, with it, I have to tell it. And I have to tell it right.

So, here it goes.

Ever since I can remember, I have disliked my body. Growing up as a Human Person™ in this society, I realize that’s not really something that makes me stand out (which, if you think about it, is actually incredibly fucking sad). Apart from my own self, however, no one ever really shamed for the way that I looked and I was also never bullied or teased by others because of it. So, that’s a no for the “Oh, I bet it’s because she was bullied for her weight when she was a kid”-stereotype. It makes me want to gauge the patriarchal beauty standard’s eyes out, to think that never actively having been shamed for my body or weight, is something that I can consider a “privilege” in this world. I’m aware that a lot of kids and adults don’t have that twisted privilege, which, again, just makes me want to set the world of body ideals on fire, but I don’t want to diverge too much from the point of this post.

Remember that society I was talking about? Yeah, with that around, having someone point out or shame you for how your body looks different from what’s considered the ideal, isn’t really something that’s necessary in order for you to still notice it and develop massive insecurities. So, even though I was “lucky” and “privileged” enough to have avoided being bullied for my body by real-life people, I still grew up not liking the way I looked, always noticing that my stomach, my thighs, my arms, my boobs, my butt, were different to those of the girls everyone called pretty. Which inevitably led to me harbouring a contained, yet undeniably significant amount of self-hatred for the way my body looked over time.

Now, I might have been one of many body-conscious teenagers, but, in quite stark contrast to that, I was also a seemingly self-confident one. Or at least I really, really wanted to be. It’s what everyone always told me I came across as. The loud, opinionated and self-assured girl, who didn’t care what people thought of her. Maybe that was to compensate for my own insecurities, maybe it was for protection, or maybe it was also because I just knew, or hoped, it was the right way to go. I believed and preached that how I looked, what I weighed and what I ate didn’t matter, both to myself and to all of my friends and family. I knew I was absolutely fine the way that I was, as long as I was physically and mentally healthy. I’ve always known that, and I fully believe in it too. And yet, here I am. About to tell you what both you and me are already suspecting: The story of how that knowledge didn’t end up protecting me as well as I thought it would.

Despite me always having believed in not giving a shit about beauty standards, ideal body types and the obsession with whatever the fuck “skinny”, “slim thick” and “lean” are supposed to be, it undeniably had an effect on me. Just like it has an effect on literally every other person, regardless of gender or age. It’s pretty much passed onto us the minute we’re born, like a part of our literal DNA. It makes me sick to my very core, but I always knew that this insecurity, no matter how much I knew it shouldn’t have ever been one and no matter how much I fought to stand above it, was woven into the very fabric of my being. The very minute we learn to interact with others and the world around us, the clear, limited and completely unrealistic image of how we’re supposed to look in order to meet societal expectations, is indoctrinated into our innocent brains – consciously, subconsciously and in literally every other way possible.

I don’t want to give a lecture on how society, media, and peers make us believe it’s necessary and right to chase bodies that, realistically, no one can ever outrun, but I felt like saying at least this much about it to set the base for what’s about to come. Certainly, this almost innate, underlying dislike for my body – or most parts of it – wasn’t the sole reason for developing an eating disorder in my early twenties. But it was most definitely a cruel predisposition that played a big part in how my anorexia unfolded and the leverage it had and still has on me.

I mentioned in the beginning how, despite it being one of the most common mental health disorders, there’s barely any scientific explanations as to how eating disorders really come to be. Which is why assuming that being unhappy with my body and the way it looked was the only reason I slipped into disordered eating, would simply be false. After all, I lived twenty-one years of my life being more or less fine with it. It was an insecurity, yes, but it didn’t dictate my every day life, it didn’t influence how I lived it. So, the “Well, just another one of those girls who wanted to be skinnier”-stereotype, doesn’t really prove to be fully true either.

Which leaves the last assumption: “I never would have thought that someone like her would end up with an eating disorder. She always seemed so confident!”

To which I can only say: Yeah, uh ... same? I mean, do you really think there’s anyone who found themselves developing an eating disorder only to think: “Oh, yeah, that makes sense, I always knew I’d end up like that!” Sorry, that was a bit dark. I know that this assumption is something that mostly I myself am worried about and that there’s no reason for me to actually get defensive. However, while most reactions to me talking about my eating disorder have been very comforting and caring, I’ve also had a few quite unpleasant experiences and well, those tend to have the harsher impact. So, please forgive my mildly cynical reasoning here.

Right, then. If I didn’t ever get bullied for my body or weight, didn’t just want to “be skinny” and really am that confident – how did this happen?

Well, I’ve already given part of the explanation just now, when I told you about my unfortunate predisposition of never really having fully loved or accepted my body. The other part of the explanation, lies in pretty much every other post I have written so far. Most of all the latest one: Control.

It was a real challenge to have written that last entry without ever mentioning my anorexia with even one word. Because really, for me personally, control is literally all it ever was and will be about. My therapist told me that it’s quite common in other eating disordered people too. But again, I’m not here to talk about anyone else, I’m here to talk about my own experience. And it starts just like I said in my last post: With losing control. And in many ways, the combination of always having disliked my body and suddenly having slithered into a massive life-crisis where I felt like I had lost all power and control over everything, was the very dangerous mixture that started it all.

I don’t want to make it about that too much, but it’s still worth mentioning that after my semester abroad, which had ended in January of 2018, I had gained some weight. Weight that, having changed up my diet a few years prior, I had actually lost and that all of a sudden, was now back on again. It had just been a very wonderful yet also stressful time abroad and well, heaps of uni work, very little sleep and the general student lifestyle, just caused me to pile on a few kilos. The part of me that genuinely never gave a fuck about body standards, once again did genuinely not give a fuck about that. And yeah, when I came back, there were the occasional family remarks of “Look at you, gained quite a bit of weight there, didn’t you?” (which I know are made with no malicious intent, by the way, but, forgive me if I say this: just shut up) and I had also obviously started noticing that none of my old clothes fit anymore and I did indeed look a lot larger than in any of my older pictures. Was that a blow to my self-built confidence because we live in a society that rewards weight loss and punishes weight gain? Sure. Was that when I developed anorexia? Nope.

Because, if you’ve been following the timeline of my mental health issues that I have oh so passionately been crafting in the last few posts, it wasn’t until autumn of 2018 that I first started struggling with my back then still undiscovered control issues, which lead to my anxiety, depression, insomnia and – now that I’m telling my whole story – my eating disorder. Or, to be fully correct, disordered eating, back then. Because just like the rest of my mental health issues, this too, crept up on me slowly at first.

I remember the first time I had this very simple thought. At least, it felt simple. Simple, but so deeply wrong and dangerous. And yet once I had had it, it wouldn’t leave anymore. It should have rang all the alarm bells in my head. It really should have. But I understand now, that the reason I had this very simple, deeply wrong and dangerous thought, was because I was desperate to control something, anything at all. Regain power over just one part of my life, whatever that might be.

So, that thought kept coming back. Over and over again:

What if I just stopped eating?

I would snap out of it and tell myself: “What the fuck, Isa? That’s ridiculous. Also, what does that even mean, are you crazy? You love food, you love eating it and you need it to survive.” And I’d ignore it again. But it would come back. Every now and then, usually in the moments where I felt worst about myself, it would echo stronger in my own head and ignoring it would become harder and harder. It was a thought so insane and so ridiculous, I told nobody about it. My rational mind knew that it was totally stupid to even consider something like that, and so I felt stupid for doing it. Which is why talking about it was off the table for me, back then. It was my dirty, little, silly secret and I was going to keep it that way.

I was smarter than that, I knew better than that.

It didn’t change the fact that I felt so lost in university though, and even more lost in life, and so that shitty thought just wouldn’t leave me alone. Until eventually, I budged. And that’s the part where it really stops being witty and smart-assy.

Because that’s the part where I made the decision to only eat once a day. And it was a decision that I fought for with an iron will. A decision that gave me control. Over all the wrong things.

I said I would tell my whole and honest story, but in case you were wondering: No, I’m not gonna give any numbers, not when it comes to weight and not when it comes to calories. Mainly because the only thing they do is create competition and shock value. Even to people who don’t struggle with eating disorders. And apart from that, they’re also triggering to me, even if it’s my own story. So, all I’ll say is that I limited myself to one meal a day. For an entire year. It didn’t always work, thank God for that in hindsight. But I tried to do it every day nonetheless, and even though it wasn’t a by-the-books eating disorder yet (which is a whole other rant I have but that’s not for now), it completely ruined my relationship with food, my body image and my own self-worth.

Every time I ate, I would feel guilty, it made me feel like a failure. I had never experienced this kind of shame before, the idea of feeling accomplished whenever I managed to go without eating for almost an entire day. It was this sick sense of pride and, you guessed it: Control. And yet it wasn’t enough, because my body would obviously fight back, demanding food with every bit of power and rage it had over me. I felt awful. On top of university stress, panic attacks, anxiety, depression and insomnia, I was now also hungry almost all the time. And when I had my one meal a day, I wouldn’t enjoy it. I would simply gorge on it because I was so depleted and ravenous. And then I would feel guilty and hate myself for it.

This went on for many months. I hid it as best as I could and in most social situations, I would make exceptions so that people wouldn’t notice. Exceptions I would hate myself for, but they had to be made to keep this habit my aforementioned dirty, little secret. It was like an entire new personality was starting to form inside my own. A dark and hateful one that chipped away at all that confidence and rational I had built over the years. A few close friends suspected eventually that something was off, and some of them asked about it but I would immediately play it off as just not feeling well because of all my other mental struggles, the ones they already knew about. It was an excuse that made sense, so no one really dug any deeper. And I couldn’t really have given another explanation back then anyway. Because again, I didn’t know yet why any of this was happening. I didn’t know that not eating was a twisted and horrible coping mechanism, that I had developed to gain back some sense of control in my life.

At that point, I had started weighing myself too. Something that had given me a big, bad shock when I first saw the number on the scale. In my mind, it was big and bad too. I knew how much I had weighed pre-semester-abroad. And so I knew how much I must have gained and by now also lost again. And yet that number was still way too big. It crushed me. And sadly, only spurred me on more. I would try not to eat. I would “fail”. I would hate myself. Rinse and repeat.

And no one knew what was going on. Least of all me.

It got a little bit better over the summer of 2019, just like the rest of my mental health did. That was around the time I had finally made the decision to take a gap year and figure out all my issues. And that included the very bad eating habits I had developed over the last year. In a way, that decision was also a way of me gaining back control, which was presumably why all my other bad coping strategies, including the not eating, faded away a little. No more nightly panic attacks. No more insomnia. And a lot more breakfast, lunch and dinner. I still didn’t like my body, I was still scared of the number on the scale. But I was ready to turn my life around again, get therapy and fight that nasty, dangerous habit I had let myself fall into.

Unfortunately, as I already mentioned in previous posts, the therapy I was so clearly in desperate need of, didn’t work out as quickly as I had wished (again, thanks for that, health care system). I had gone to my first ever assessment where they had diagnosed me with anxiety and depression disorder. And, actually, the psychiatrist that I had had my first ever session with, had also decided to diagnose me with anorexia nervosa because according to her, while I hadn’t ticked all of the eating disorder boxes yet, I definitely did show signs of eating disordered and anorexic behaviour. To me, that had sounded quite ridiculous and harsh at the time. Anorexia? Pft, no way, I didn’t look like the girls from the shocking posters and depressing documentaries, it was no where as serious as that. (Tip of the hat to those stigmas and stereotypes I was talking about earlier)

But of course, she was right. However, they didn’t have a free spot for one on one therapy and group sessions weren’t really what I was looking for either. So, I went on a waiting list and never heard back from them again.

The cold season crept back in and the wonderful, warm and sunny-safe bubble I had lived in all summer, burst as quickly as it had been blown into existence. Everyone went back to work, back to uni, back to life. And I ... well, I went back to being lost. To not knowing what to do. To having to write my thesis I still couldn’t write for some reason. To having panic attacks. To having insomnia.

To not eating.

Only that after a year of being so miserable whenever I ate food and still feeling so awful in my own body, I decided I would have to change the way I was going about it. In my extremely mentally fragile mind, I thought I had to step it up if I really wanted results. And, as I like to say it, that’s when shit really hit the fan. In a way, it felt like I had spent an entire year sitting on a roller coaster ride that was slowly climbing up the incline, getting closer and closer to the inevitable drop. And just like on any actual roller coaster, when that drop came, it came fast.

It was no longer about just eating one and any meal a day. In the matter of a week or two, it became about numbers, calories, measurements, grams, milliliters. All of a sudden, I found myself meticulously writing down every single thing I ate and when I had eaten it. The food groups kept shrinking and so did my portions and the amount of calories I would consume in a day. I would set a new limit on Monday and decrease it again by Wednesday, pushing myself harder, restricting more and more with every week. All I could think about was food. And all I could do was not eat it. In what felt like a matter of seconds, a worry, a fear, a habit had turned into a full-fledged obsession. An addiction. And that’s when anorexia entered my life.

I’ve re-written this part over and over again because I’m desperately trying not to make it sound like a pseudo-romantic and tastelessly dramatic young adult novel. But I realize that’s just my fear of sounding like a cliché again. So, I’ll stop scratching and writing everything anew now, and just keep going.

In the first few days and weeks of crashing into this new, horrible world, I remember yet again thinking another very simple, yet dangerous and devastating thought. The one beside “What if I just stopped eating?”. And this thought, to me personally, was even scarier than the last one.

It was the thought of: “What if I can never eat again?”

Because that’s exactly what anorexia felt like to me.

Many people describe it as a whole other person in their head. Almost like a foreign entity, taking over your life. And while I very strongly relate to these descriptions, I have learned that it’s best for me to not always manifest my eating disorder into a separate identity to my own, because in certain times, that gives it too much power and makes it seem undefeatable. Which it isn’t. So, I’m going to try and describe it in another way. The way I first described it to my therapist. With a metaphor, of course.

It felt like up until this point, I had been sitting in the car that was my own life, driving down the road of my present and future, looking in the rear view mirror at my past. I was the one with the foot on the gas and the breaks, I was the one that decided what turn or exit to take. Autumn of 2018 had felt like breaking down in that car, having to pull over and being lost in the middle of nowhere, without any signs to guide the way. My bad eating habits felt like someone stopping and pretending to help me, jump staring my car and having it tucker slowly again while following me at walking speed, with me still not really knowing where I was going. And finally, anorexia felt like that someone kicking me out of my car, buckling me into the passenger seat, taping my mouth shut and taking over the stirring wheel.

All of a sudden, it felt like I had no say in where I was heading, how fast I was driving or what road I was going down. For over a year, I had used this dangerous and awful habit of coping by not eating, to wield control and have power over something. And now, it had taken that power away again, like a pact with the god damn devil, and had started to use it over me instead. Which is exactly what eating disorders do, and what my anorexia did too. They give you a false sense of control because control is all you want, and yet all you can’t have. All you need to do is replace control with food. Because food is all you want, and yet all you can’t have. Anorexia gave me my own, fucked up metaphor for my control issues.

I knew that what I was doing was more than just dangerous. It was no longer just trying to eat once a day, not managing to and then hating myself. This was barely eating anything at all, setting the bar lower each day and starving myself. And not in the figurative way. I lost weight so rapidly, I could barely keep track. The scale became my second home, the calories my worst enemy and food, or more trying to avoid it, the entire purpose of my life. Nothing else mattered anymore.

Falling into anorexia has been the scariest and most horrible thing I have ever had to go through. It felt like I had lost myself. I was still there, in my own head, somewhere. Still strapped into the passenger seat. But I had no say in any of my actions. I just silently watched and witnessed, obeying everything my eating disorder told me to do. I know I said I usually avoid completely painting it as a separate person in my own head, but back then, back when I was still severely anorexic, that was just what it felt like. Like a literal parasite, that had latched onto me and was sucking me dry of any and every life force and fight I still had left.

All my days would consist of trying to navigate around food, doing my best to avoid it, lying to everyone, most of all myself. I would look up every single nutritional information of everything, every meal at a restaurant, every drink. I had lists where I wrote it all down, tracking my calorie intake and weight loss. Documents that contained all the calories from every single food and also non-food item imaginable. It would start with things like fruits, vegetables and condiments and end with things like tea, vitamins, chewing gum and toothpaste. I would google how many calories a panic attack burned. I would pace up and down my room at night to get my step count higher. I would walk around the city aimlessly for hours every single day to avoid eating, no matter the weather, no matter the time. I would work out at the gym like a maniac and almost pass out every single time afterwards. At family breakfast, I would hide food in my sleeves and socks to avoid eating it. It was more than just ridiculous. It was insanity. But it was an insanity I couldn’t let go of.

Anorexia was the most twisted and horrendous full-time commitment of my life. I had felt lost and without purpose for so long and in the most fucked up way, my eating disorder had given me a 9-to-5 – no, scratch that, a 24-god-damn-7 job to do. It had given me a new purpose and a painful illusion of the things I had craved for so long. Control, willpower, strength, endurance. Only that it was exactly that – just an illusion. Because at the end of the day, I would go to bed empty, both literally and figuratively, feeling nothing and hating everything. Because that’s what anorexia does. It strips you of everything you have in life. It takes away every joy, every pleasure, every interest, hobby, passion or relationship, and it isolates you. Completely. It worms its way into your life and fills out every single nook and crack until it’s the only thing that seems to be left. And therefore, the only thing you still care about.

It felt like losing my complete identity.

Mentally, I was at the worst state I had ever been in my life. This was around December of 2019. I had barely been keeping all of this up for over a month, but I was eating so little that I had lost an alarmingly large amount of weight very fast, which came at a high cost. I was always cold, I couldn’t sleep, I had awful headaches, I kept forgetting conversations and talks I had had with friends, I felt dizzy and nauseous all the time and worst of all, I was so cripplingly depressed that I didn’t even care about any of that. Because when you deprive your brain of nutrients this much, it just shuts down. And that’s what I did, too. I just went into standby mode, as I kept losing more weight and becoming more miserable with each day that passed.

Both my body and mind were running on nothing but adrenaline and thin air and I lived life in this absolutely isolated and horrible auto-pilot, where I continued on as if nothing was happening, as more of me, both physically and mentally, disappeared and was replaced with complete emptiness. I still struggle to find the right words to describe how I felt back then. The only thing that comes close is just complete nothingness. Like a fucking black hole inside of me that had swallowed everything and created a complete vacuum.

Writing about this makes me want to just close my laptop and stop. In a way, it feels like giving my eating disorder and the hardest time of my life a spot light. Like giving it attention and a stage to perform on, to flaunt its dramatic tragedy. I can feel that the anorexia loves that, relishes every word I’m typing about it, every second of attention I’m giving to it. And hate that, I fucking despise it. Because it doesn’t deserve its own stage. It never did and it never will. So, let’s try and move on to the part where things changed.

Back then, I might have become a master of lying and avoiding most people’s questions about me never seeming to be hungry or wanting to eat. But thankfully, there were a few of my close friends that had started to notice. Not gonna name any names, but you know who you are. And I cannot even begin to say how incredibly thankful and lucky I am to have had you there. Because even when I had given up on myself, you didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, oh no. I was still in a very, very bad place mentally, and my eating disorder was not planning on leaving any time soon.

But, with the help and intervention of said good friends and a few select, eye-opening experiences (that I won’t talk about because they really weren’t ideal but still ended up helping somehow), I finally realized the very obvious but up until then seemingly impossible thing: I had to start eating again. And I had to start now.

And I did.

Looking back, I cannot even express how glad I am about that. Because it had started to become really critical. And I consider myself to be very lucky that it didn’t have to get even worse. That I was still able to make my own decisions and finally get help. Finding therapy was once again not easy but eventually, I did find an outpatient clinic that offered immediate consultation, as well as an appointment with a psychiatrist for medication and an internist for physical check-ups. And, to maybe bring back a slight sense of cheerfulness: It was also when I finally got to meet my therapist Kerstin.

Again, none of this was as easy and swift as it might sound like with me narrating it in those few sentences, but this post can only go on for so much longer before I get too drained and decide to just delete all of it again, so I will try and come to a close, for now. There’s still so much more to tell when it comes to my journey with my eating disorder and my mental health, because it’s nowhere near finished. And worry not, I will tell it – not so much for the sake of those of you who read it, but more so for my own. But for now, I want to finish by saying this much – mainly to myself again, but also to anyone else who might need to hear it:

I know it might feel like you don’t care.

About yourself, about what happens to you, about the future, about happiness. I know it might feel like you’re faking everything, lying to everyone and just pretending all the time. I know you might feel so horribly and painfully empty that all you want to do is sit still in the void of your own head and let the misery wash over you in dreadful peace. I know you might think that the only sense of comfort you can find, lies in the things that hurt you most. I know your pain seems like an old friend, one that will never leave you and therefore is worth staying close to. I know that continuing to fight on and struggling through life and all the hardships it throws at you, sometimes feels so impossible, that it seems easier to just give in and give up.

The thing about that is, though: It’s fucking bullshit.

It’s nothing but a very mean and disgusting way of all your inner pain, trauma and warped coping mechanisms to try to pull you down to keep you “safe” from things that you can absolutely, completely and totally battle. And, yeah, it sure as shit ain’t easy. God, if I had a dollar for every time I had to pick myself back up after I stepped on a scale, after I ate something that scared me, after I looked in the mirror, after I relapsed, after I went back on track again, after I wished I could just melt into a formless blob and slowly whither away in peace– I would be a rich woman. But neither life nor capitalism work that way, unfortunately. So, why do I still bother?

Well, because after going through hell and back, it’s the only thing I have left. It’s the only option there is.

You might not know who you are. You might not know what you’re doing, where you’re going, if you’re ever going to get better, if you’ll ever feel happy and at home in your own mind, body and life again. But what you can and should know, is that you can always try. Even if it seems pointless, even if it seems like you’re running in circles, wanting to bash your head against the wall because of how senseless it all feels.

You can still try.

And try, and try, and try again. It’s a choice and it is a hard one. Maybe the hardest one you will ever have to make.

But I chose to make it, and I still continue to. Every day. With every morning I wake up, every therapy session I go to, every panic attack I breathe through, every depressive phase I crawl back out of, every meal I eat. I choose to do it, I choose to keep pushing because when it feels like all the bad and dark thoughts are more powerful than me and threaten to swallow me alive, making the choice to fight back as much as I can, is what proves that I am and always will be more powerful than them.

Because this is my life. My body. My head. My brain. My mind. And I’d be a god damn fool to give them up to those inner demons that would never know how to treat them right, how to cherish them and keep them happy, healthy and alive. Because I think we can all agree that, at the end of the day, being happy is a hell of a lot better than being sad and empty. And so, at the end of the day, I realized that nothing and no one, not even my mental health disorders and past traumas, can take away what will always, exclusively and fully belong to me and me only:

My choice, my happiness, my control – the right one, this time.

#mental illness #mental health #therapy #eating disorder #anorexia #depression #anxiety

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nromans · 3 years

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Unit 03 _ Creative Problem Solving Interviews

Interview three (3) individuals. Ask them to respond to these two questions:

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you? What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?)

What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation.)

A 28-year-old Consultant

01. How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you? What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?)

In a work setting, a lot of the ideas that we work through don't need to be brand new. We can often get to a better outcome by using ideas that have worked well for other companies in the past, even if they are companies in different industries and maybe in a different country. No need to reinvent the wheel! We're a global firm and try to codify the situation, complications, and results of projects we do to make it easy for other people in the firm to reference. So my first step in idea generation is typically to look at our internal library to see if I can find similar situations to what my client is in and see what has been done before. There are usually follow up questions I have when I'm reading through the other case examples, so I may reach out to someone from that team (usually I haven't met them) and ask to chat on the phone. I will also look up who the internal experts are in the firm - these are often senior people who have seen similar types of problems and have good pattern recognition, or have a really good understanding of the nuances of a particular industry. Scheduling a call with an expert and the rest of my team can be a really helpful step in beginning to get our creative juices flowing. From there once we feel we have collected a lot of the firm's internal knowledge on a topic, we may have team whiteboarding session or two to discuss our ideas. Most of our best ideas come about through collaboration. Once we have a draft, we'll show what we have to different stakeholders - first external, then our clients, and go through multiple rounds of iteration until we have something well tailored to the client needs. Often an obstacle we face is resistance by our clients of trying something new that they haven't done before. So whenever we have an idea, we spend about half the time getting the idea right, and half the time talking about the right way to socialize the idea to maximize the chance that it will be received well.

02. What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation.)

First, we lay out the key questions that we are going to focus on. Often times there are many problems going on at one time, so we try to hone in to what the key few are that we're trying to solve. If it isn't in the key questions, we aren't going to focus on it. From there, we begin with a hypothesis. It's totally ok if the hypothesis ends up wrong, and it often does, but we typically form one pretty early on in the problem solving process. From there, we come up with sub-assertions that would need to be true in order for the hypothesis to be true. This makes proving (or disproving) the hypothesis feel like a more manageable task when you break it up into its component parts. It also makes it easier to divide the work up among team members. Different teamlets can be responsible for different sub-assertions that roll up into the main hypothesis. We then decide how we are going to prove each sub-assertion. Before we go off and do the work, we make sure everyone is in alignment about the approach. We are looking for confirmation that if the sub-assertions were true, everyone would feel good that the main hypothesis was true, and also that the activities we have proposed to prove the sub-assertions would give people confidence that the sub-assertions were true. This is an important step so you don't spend time doing work that isn't directly tied to the key questions and hypothesis. Once we have agreement on the approach, everyone goes off to work on their part of the answer. We remain in daily communications across the teamlets because often we learn things that will be useful for another teamlet to know. As we learn more, we frequently pull up as a team and discuss what we've learned about each of the sub-assertions and the main hypothesis, and we adjust based on what we now know to be true. This process continues until we have completed all the agreed upon activities and have refined the hypothesis and sub-assertions to reflect everything we've learned.

A 62-year-old Tech Board Member, Former CMO

01. How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you? What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?)

a. Think of the problem from as many perspectives as possible

b. Involve more minds than just your own

c. Try to think as unconstrained as possible. Are you letting some assumptions narrow your view of possible solutions?

02. What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation.)

a. Frame the problem. Do this as insightfully as possible, with the insights backed by data. This may take time, but is important because if you skip this step you may end up addressing the wrong root cause of the problem.

b. Frame the solution. Once you know what the root cause is that you need to fix, map out a plan for doing so…complete with an approach and a timeline

c. Frame the risks and requirements. What do you need to execute the solution and what are the risks?

A 26 year old Corporate Event Planner

01. How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you? What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?)

As an event manager, I am constantly generating ideas from my day to day life. I get a lot of my decor inspiration from fashion and interior design trends. There is a lot of crossover between these categories when designing an event (colors, fabrics, patterns, shape, style etc.) When it comes to activations at events I get a lot of my inspiration from activities that I do outside of work along with current pop culture. It also wouldn’t be 2021 if I didn’t get inspiration from social media. It is part of our job to take lots of photos of our events so it helps looking at other event managers/planners and the events that they put on. A lot of the times it will help spark a different idea that maybe you weren’t thinking about.

I would say one big obstacle is budget. When working with a client and their budget it can be difficult because you want to deliver the best possible options for each and every client but sometimes that just isn’t possible and you have to get creative to stay within their budget. As much as this is a challenge, I absolutely love being creative and over delivering on little things when I can.

02. What process(es) do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation.)

One of my most essential steps in problem solving is collaborating with my colleagues. Since we are event managers at a venue rather than an event management company, a lot of the issues that we run into our logistical to the venue. It is great to bounce ideas off of colleagues that maybe have gone through the same thing or just have an idea that will help.

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kob131 · 4 years

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4DPZGlNP8I

I was watching MangaKamen’s video deconstructing Cvit’s Persona 5: Style Over Substance video and I...I just couldn’t watch it. Basically, Kamen’s own videos on RWBY and Cvit’s Persona 5 video are way too similar (in that both make logical fallacies just to avoid their assumptions.) So, despite covering this briefly, I’ll do it in full here.

And if MangaKamen himself sees this: You can’t keep responding to people, criticizing them for stuff that you do yourself. I literally couldn’t listen to your video on Cvit because of the hypocrisy. Stick to your own standards: people respect you more for it.

P.S. Don’t create a circlejerk in the reblogs and replies. I do not have the patience for it today.

Before I begin, I should point out a small bit of hypocrisy. In his “Cvit Doesn’t Understand Video”, he complains about an influx of videos all about going into unnecessary details about how X things suck, calling it the ‘Joseph Anderson effect.’ I bring this up because one of the videos he brings up is The Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s video on Kingdom Hearts (which is, being generous, 22 minutes.) MangaKamen’s video is, again generously, 38 minutes. And I do mean generaously because I automatically rounded up Cosmonaut’s and rounded down Kamen’s videos. I don’t think he should be complaining about that.

While you could argue he was also complaining about the title as well: A. Kamen’s first RWBY video was literally titled “Whats Wrong With RWBY?!” with a title saying “Here’s why RWBY Sucks” in big bold letters. B. His video makes fun of people who are there to disagree with his title and nothing else and C. I watched Cosmonaut’s video on Kingdom Hearts: He’s actually more positive towards Kingdom hearts 3 than Kamen is to RWBY.

This is a small microcosism of he issue with his hypocrisy: it ends up affecting the quality of other videos too.

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His first section is on ‘contrivances’ or ‘things that happen in a story that don’t make sense’. Before he even gives a true example, we run into yet another problem with Kamen. In his explanation, Kamen mocks the scene were Jaune gets hit on by the mothers of the kids he’s helping with an image of Miles Luna saying ‘Remember, NOT a self-insert!’.

Issue? The episode wasn’t written by Miles Luna, it was written by Eddy Rivas. How do I know?

The episode says so. This is especially egregious because he chews Cvit out for just typing in “Persona 5 sucks” into google and saying a certain source popped up...and yet typing in “Miles Luna Jaune Arc Self Insert” would actually bring up something that outright shows Miles is self conscious about Jaune to the point of avoiding his scenes (https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/7x3w4s/crwby_ama_w_miles_luna_kerry_shawcross_and_paula/du5dnc6/?context=3). So while Cvit may have been looking for evidence instead of thinking critically: he at least took the effort of doing a search result whereas Kamen probably made an on the spot decision with no sources whatsoever. Combine this with the fact this is not the first time he’s taken potshots at Miles and you have an effectively WORSE version of what he says Cvit did.

“But this is just a joke!” Yeah, and Sham-Amon was a joke about M. Night Shamalyan by Doug Walker. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t an insult and was correct (Shamalyan was actually a reason why the Airbender movie even RESEMBLED the cartoon.) That doesn’t make this okay, especially since I know a similar ‘joke’ towards someone he’s a fan of would get you a video made on you.

Now onto one of his examples: He says it makes no sense for Robyn to be allowed to run for Atlas’ council because ‘she is stealing supplies from the government.’ Issue is: judging by the footage he’s using, he’s talking about Volume 7 Episode 5 “Sparks” where Robyn created a blockade and stopped a supply truck Qrow, Clover, Penny and Ruby were on. She never actually makes a move to steal the supplies in the episode though. While you could argue it wwas implied because she had people behind them hiding behind camoflague-

In his Cvit video, he criticized the guy for saying that we don’t know how long Futaba’s friend was abused by her parents when Cvit makes the argument that the friend was abused for over a decade, never entertaining other possibilities. You know, what he does. (P.S. Sparks is the same episode with the Jaune-Mothers ‘joke’.)

He uses this faulty and hypocritical point to jump off into how it would be a bad look for her to steal from the government even if it was for a good cause and that most government prevent people from running because of this. See, not only is this still based on a point even Kamen would argue is not enough- The context in the scene (that Mantle hates Atlas government and Robyn’s platform is based off that discontent...Huh) would show that even if she was stealing, it would HELP her image. As for the ‘governments prevent people convicted of theft for running for office’- She hasn’t stolen anything yet STILL. Also, in his Cvit video, he complains about a point where Cvit’s source edited out preceding text to make the phrasing of a certain textbox look extremely awkward. So again, hypocrisy.

Then we have...another shitty joke. A really bad one too. It’s the scene with Weiss and Winter talking the training room with the audio taken out and speech bubbles that say ‘Why are we just staring at each other?’ ‘I dunno...just to look cool?’. Not only is this blatantly not what is happening (you can tell their heads are bobbing from talking), I literally cannot take this ‘joke’ any other way than a malicious potshot at the show. It doesn’t function any other way. I’m trying to be calm and concise but this stuff really harms any benefit of doubt I can give.

His next point is-Oh god damnit, the fucking Penny frame up AGAIN. You know what is more frustrating than a shitty point? A shitty point repeated ad nauseum. Before Kamen even made this video, I had already argued every single perspective of this. There’s literally nothing new he can give?

Security? We never see how Tyrian got in and considering his immense agility and stealth: he could snuck in or hid in the warehouse.

Fanaus night vision? Not all Fanaus have night vision and most of the crowd was seen trying to rush out of the warehouse (during a scene Kamen shows no less). He also says the show alludes to Atlas being a racially biased system...even though Jacques Schnee says he pays all his workers equally (AKA he treats all his workers like shit.)

Scrolls? Again, most of the people are shown trying to run away and no one who remains is said to have brought their scrolls.

Break in the argument for a smug laugh even though all he’s done is repeat other people’s failed arguments. (Issue with either being bitch basic with your arguments or copying others? I’ll have fought the issue long before you make it.)

Ends with saying “When the lights come back on, there’s no blood on Penny’s blades!” (Cognitive bias against Atlas. Like say, calling a character a self insert over a scene that wasn’t written by the person.)

He goes onto say that this is just the latest example of contrived writing but because his points are all faulty, it doesn’t come across as contrived: it comes across as normal but Kamen is too focused on making everything look as bad as possible.

“But what about Robyn’s Semblance?!”

I dunno, why do people say that the Covington Catholic kids are still racist when we have proof otherwise? Cognitive bias is a thing. Robyn wouldn’t try testing this (even assuming she COULD since it would be logical Penny just ran off after this in fear) because it al ready confirms her own biases.

His whole temper tantrum here is all based on around pure logic...something he himself has argued against in media. This thing goes on and on and it just test my paitence and gives me more and more reason to assume Kamen isn’t just missing info, he’s indulging in willful ignorance.

Then we have him bitching about Yang and Blake telling Robyn what is going on and how it’s contrived that they would think that Robyn was on their side since she hasn’t done anything good. Issue? This is all based on KAMEN’S perspective. A perspective that, at best, is heavily biased against Robyn.

Thing is, Robyn’s thefts (which began AFTER he said they did) were to help repair the break in Mantle’s wall protecting them from the Grimm, something Team RWBY agrees with. Of course they’d assume Robyn is a good guy since she’s acting in the interests of the people, something they do as well. Robyn’s only bad when you completely ignore how James brushes over the current struggles of the people is elected to protect and serve in order for his bigger picture, a method they don’t agree with. Something the show is showing isn’t a good idea as people see him as uncaring and unfeeling to their struggles.

“But Ironwood has been helping them!”

Cool. That has nothing to do with him alienating his own allies through his paranoia, causing Yang and Blake try and make peace with Robyn themselves. There’s also the fact that the team should be opposing this. After all, it’s the same thing Ozpin did to them and they chewed him out over it. And unlike with the lying to Ironwood, there would be no hints that this hypocrisy would be intended by the showrunners. So Kamen is literally advocating for bad writing here.

This was added in post edit by the way so the man literally shoved in a point that does nothing but push the theory he is biased without ever considering what is necessary in the show. Even though he demands it from others. It’s really inconsistent. Dare I say...the standards are contrived?

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Next is the ‘design work’ part. He’s says this is gonna be positive for a moment and it does lack his usual malice. Doesn’t mean it’s good.

He criticizes the designs of the main cast besides Ruby. He says that Blake’s design now emphasizes the color white despite supposedly being black before. Issue is that her alternate Vol.2 and Vol.4 designs also emphasized the color white and her original design has equal part black and white. Weiss’s is supposedly that her dark blue dominates her design and is too busy to be elegant. Issue is that it’s only on the jacket and it’s mostly the same color as her previous design (even having more white.) As for being elegant: I could definitely argue it goes for a military-esque elegance. And Yang is...too brown? Uh...her original outfit was dominated by being brown.

He praises Ruby’s for still having it’s red coloring but...it’s too red. Her original design was actually closer to being goth than Blake’s and was mostly black with bright red frills and her signature cloak. And her hair has drastically changed, like he complained about with Blake. He really shouldn’t be giving Ruby a pass here.

I have nothing to say about his point ‘they’re all too busy.’ I feel like any side I take will be too heavily influenced by my own feelings at this point.

He complains about the logic behind the long fabrics being easy to grab onto and says that because they justified the new outfits with ‘it’s cold’ they should listen here. Issue- Not only are these two different trains of logic but by his own arguments, he should be arguing for all of them to wear white and wear bulky armor since that’s logical as well, following his logic. He doesn’t set what the limit should be.

Honestly this whole part is just kind of fluff. A lot of nothing was said and kind of feels like it was put in just to make the argument ‘Well I said something nice about RWBY!’

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Next up is ‘consistency’. ... Oh god.

“Aura was rewritten!’ He never cites what happened here but I know this dance so well I could get paid for it. Aura has always been a thing you needed to activate, back in Volume 1 where Jaune was cut by a branch and Pyrrha said ‘why don’t you use your aura?’. The supposed inconsistency comes from WOR: Aura saying it was passive even though certain definitions and uses of passive work under these examples. He also says that people cant use their Semblances when they run out of Aura but they still do, citing that old example of Yang’s Aura flickering in her character short. Flickering, not breaking. Meaning she still has Aura.

He also adds in that point about the WOR Atlas saying that the cold of Solitas killed the Grimm. While they are depicted as freezing here, it should be noted that the Grimm have been known to evolve and adapt. Meaning they could have easily evolved to withstand the cold. Again, editing out context which he says is bad.

“Hey, Miles. Kerry. You ever gonna acknowledge what you showed in the World of Remnant again these days?”

Dunno, are you ever gonna acknowledge what you say in your own videos? Glass houses Kamen.

I also find it funny that he calls out the ‘it’s just a cartoon!’ thing out of nowhere on a tangent even as he previously blocked me over this. Apparently contrivance is okay if it can be used as a shield. And if he has a problem with this, look over your videos not even just the RWBY ones You have said harsher- deal with it.

He goes onto criticize the argument of not all Fanaus have night vision because of specific moments...with Blake and Sun, only two Fanaus. In fact, the first example has him say that Blake and Sun used their night vision to escape a White Fang meeting. ... White Fang. Fanaus. He’s trying to argue that this is a case of Blake and Sun having night vision to contrast when she apparently ‘doesn’t’ but never notices that his own argument kind of confirms what the show said.

Then we have his other example of Blake against Illa were she couldn’t see Illa. A chameleon Fanaus. With camoflague. Where lighting up the room would alter how the colors look to see her more easily. ....

This whole point was about how the show doesn’t give strict rules to the Fanaus night vision, even though other shows with more fundamental powers (as in, the thing their premise is based on) bend these rules (like MHA with so many Quirks not being related to their physiology or Jojo bending every single Stand rule) for their plot. This isn’t directly bad as he says it is and he never emphasizes why anyone should care other than the strawman of ‘STRICT RULES!’ even as his own favorites don’t follow that.

He also says there’s no repercussions for the Penny cover up since he says it was to cause a riot to attract the Grimm but the Grimm disappear and people are being arrested for their rioting in the next episode. ... The Grimm don’t invade until Episode 9. He’s talking about Episode 7. The arrest was for breaking curfew that Ironwood imposed afterwards to due the discontent from Jacques winning. Then we have the fact that Penny’s frame up leads to Robyn actually stealing supplies, which leads to Yang and Blake telling her about Amity, which leads to Ironwood’s paranoia taking over. So you know...kind of some of the biggest repercussions in the show.

I also remember he said it was to frame Penny in his contriavances section...which makes no sense if it was meant to cause a riot directly afterward. In trying to callout inconsistencies that don’t exist, he became inconsistent himself.

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Next part is “Don’t Show, Never Show”. .... How professional.

He begins by bitching at other people for misrepresenting his arguments about the Fanaus and how their oppression isn’t well shown. ... After he’s personally attacked the creators over a subject one of them is innocent and self conscious of and will mock that person for mocking his critics. Classy.

“Jacques is Orange Man bad stand-in-”

A. He never mentions anything about securing Atlas’ borders and in fact wants to OPEN them.

B. He’s never talked about making Atlas great or appealing to any sort of false patriotism.

C. He opposes the military whereas Trump supports them.

D. He has no slogans for his campaign, especially none like Trump’s/

E. He isn’t colluding with foreign powers aside from a generic bad guy orgnazation with no connections to the countries Trump is accused of.

F. Jacques being a slimy business man was made before Trump came into the presidency.

And G. Robyn Hill only connections to Hilarily Clinton is a gender and half a name (a name that is actually rather common in real life). In fact, considering her position is all about distrust in the government and appealing to the common man- She’s a closer stand in for TRUMP than Hilarlily.

Again, argument’s been made a thousand times, beaten it a thousand times.

His overall point is that Jacques is said to be a terrible parent but not shown, using the line from “This Life is Mine” ( Amazing how you conquered me, Chained me in servility) before going on to say that he ‘let her go to a different school’ (he was forced to), ‘Do whatever she wants so long as it doesn’t affect his business and reputation’ (contradicted by cutting her off, trying to limit her actions because of her ignoring his calls even though that does not affect his business or reputation), ‘spending his money at Beacon until she ignores his calls’ (finical abuse 101) and ‘she embarrassed him at a party by assaulting one of the guests.’

... The woman was outright mocking the people she knew, the ‘assault’ was an accidental summon, Jacques was trying to prevent her from just getting away from him, Jacques pressured her into singing for him despite her discomfort and never once tries to talk to his daughter like a person or calm her down, instead trying to silence her. All of THIS without getting his physical intimidation of grabbing her and slapping her, which is what Kamen strawmans the response being. Also ignoring what he did AFTER the slap, effectively trapping her in her room and spreading the idea she was unstable to save his image.

No amount of money matters here, ignoring once again that he tried withholding it once she acted outside what he wanted. That is the ‘chains of servility’ and I know you wouldn’t argue this outside RWBY. You’d be calling this ignorant beyond acception, Kamen.

“The worst examples of Jacques’ abuse happen outside the-”

Jacques’ worst abuse was being trapped in her own room for calling out the callousness of people smack talking a tragedy she went through. This is effectively mocking a war in front of a veteran then locking them in the basement while telling everyone they’re coocoo. That is in the show, stop trying to blame other materials THAT DO NOT EXIST just to appeal to a common compliant (about supplemental materials in RWBY).

“Well Winter abuses Weiss!”

So let me get this straight. A small smack on the back of the head before asking about her personal life to show she cares about Weiss (another example of cutting context) is at all comparable to abuse of parental power, controlling Weiss like a puppet and locking her up? What was your definition of contrivance and consistency again?

“Can I go off on a tangent?”

No. You have not earned that right. You have far exceeded any patience I should have given you. The fact I am STILL HERE is too much and I should just throw the rest of the video in that garbage dumb your delusion of the writing is. But I will STILL give you chance.

P.S. You use HBomberguy as an example? Even though one of the videos you chewed out in your Persona video (’Steven Universe is Garbage and Here’s Why’) is BASED OFF his work? So what? His hours long shit talking is okay? And no, this is not

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His next segment is titled ... “Okay What Is This Shit I’m Actually Cratching My Head I’m So Dumbfounded And Confused AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

... You misspelled “Scratching”.

He says the Grimm Attack after Robyn’s failed election was handled off screen. That never existed and the Grimm attacked THREE EPISODE LATER and is handled on screen.

He says that Jacques being arrested makes no sense because Watts can control technology and should have used it disable the security cameras in the Schnee Manor. As he outright says, Willow hid those cameras and Watts HACKS technology and cannot hack what he DOES NOT KNOW EXISTS. It’s outright said BY THE SHOW and SHOWN that he cannot just magically control technology.

He also questions how Willow got those cameras in there, ignoring that Jacques DOES NOT HAVE OMNISCENCE. Why she did when she SAID it was to make sure he didn’t abuse her kids. When doesn’t fucking matter. It’s all pendantic bullcrap. You can apply this to any situation in media and I know Kamen would bitch about the show’s pacing if they did this because it would be boring as fuck.

He says that there was no foreshadowing that Willow set these cameras up which I would like to give...if not for the rest of his video which illustrates to me he would have made this point with or without foreshadowing.

“How come Robyn isn’t being arrested because she stole supplies?!”

A. Because you keep inferring she stole supplies BEFORE the election, I’ll have to assume it’s the same here and say SHE DIDN’T.

B. If you aren’t and have changed to saying AFTER the election: The show SHOWS YOU that they’ve been trying to arrest her. She’s been EVADING them.

C. If it’s at Jacques’ house: Remember what you said about image? Wanna guess how damaged Ol Jimmy’s image will be if he arrests his biggest critic while under suspicion of rigging the election against her AND being questioned for supposed abuse of power?

D. Gee, not like the heating system in an artic climate shut down, Jacques just got exposed for helping a KNOWN CRIMINAL TOO, The Grimm actually invade, they have to save all the people, things collapse between RWBY and Ironwood and a fuckton of other things of higher priority than one woman stealing supplies to fix something IRONWOOD HIMSELF SHOULD BE FIXING.

“Hur dur, Salem generic’

Says the Jojo and Yugioh fan. Say, how did your precious VRAINS turn out again hm?

“HEY, WHY NO RUBY TELL IRONWOOD AND TAKE RESPONBILITY?!”

Maybe because there’s a bunch of soulless abominations currently running amok in a city full of innocents so she should take responsibility as an official Huntress and do her damn job while the comparatively combat inept Oscar handle the non combat situation. Or did you want contrivance to work in your favor even though you’ve been proven to be a biased liar who will betray everything he stands in order to make a shit point about a flawed show he couldn’t criticize with a fucking guide on it?

“Why not have Ruby stand behind and say ‘I’ll catch up with you later’?-”

Because you’ll cut context and make her look irresponsible. Your suggestions mean NOTHING when you have proven that you have no honesty on the subject and will flip flop to suit yourself.

Also I love how you mock Mediaocrity4 for ‘treating his opposition as idiots’ as your fucking video STARTED and is littered with you doing JUST THAT. Fuck, I bet you’ll do JUST THAT with this post.

“Oh look at this character who has been shown as overly emotional, rash and prone to not thinking when mad act in line with her character how dumb!”

Gee, like say...., A shut in otaku making constant video game and anime references in, let’s say, a JRPG filled with these references?

Huh, guess you agree more with Cvit than you say.

“Dur, fistcuffs mean Jojo!”

Oh wait, Fist of the North Star did it first. And it’s a stable in most fighting anime. But hey, who cares in Kamen shanks Jojo in the back if it means lashing out against RWBY amirite?

“It’s like the context of the fights-”

Where the Ace Ops against RWBY are highly emotional, having felt betrayed by people they though as comrades and acting individually instead as duos or even as a team while all being people with shown emotional issues failing to defeat a far calmer and more developed team that have been working with them and are aware of their flaws?

Or that Clover tried to blindly follow Ironwood’s orders just as Qrow did in the past with Ozpin as the two characters heavily mirror each other, Qrow tried to fight Tyrian at first even as Clover attacked him and never actually helped Tyrian (in facting ATTACKING HIM at one point) after Clover tried arresting him in front of Robyn, someone known to do rash things when it comes to Ironwood?

I’m so glad you decided to FOR ONCE IN THIS ENTIRE, NEARLY FOURTY MINUTE VIDEO actually pay attention to the show and not the memes of the people who agree with you.

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“Conclusion”

‘Like I said in the Steven Universe Movie, I don’t let the fanabse dictate my opinion on something-’

Which is why there wasn’t a single original viewpoint, perspective, criticism, wording or even ‘jokes’, all shit ripped straight from the mouths of others. It’s all shit I’ve seen before by other people. If I absorbed even more of this bullshit, I’d probably be able to see exact wordings in here too, I am THAT certain you didn’t think about this for yourself.

If you did, you would have noticed that you were repeating the exact same mistakes you constantly criticize in others. You would have seen that you were making assumptions based on your preconceived notion of ‘RWBY bad’ and not what the show itself was doing. You would have seen the vidnictive smugness you decried MatPat over. You would have seen the immense hypocrisy you called out before. You would have stuck to what you called your principles.

You have the failures of your biggest targets in this very video. The bias and brain rot of Quinton Reviews, the hack job of MatPat, the manipulativeness of Verlsify, the sheer level of bullshit of Cvit. You burned every single standard you set for others here, you did every wrong thing you screamed about, you failed in the same ways as those you profited from criticizing. Again, because I said all this THE LAST TIME and yet you got WORSE.

You mock and belittle the creators even as you give them every reason to treat you like shit because even the worst they’ve done looks justified compared to what you pulled. ‘Oh they said that people being mean is so bad!’ says the man preying on his weakness. ‘Oh he’s shit talking his critics!’ says the open liar. ‘Oh the writing was done by platypuses!’ says the man who wants to be taken seriously. ‘Oh it’s just a joke!’ Says the man who bitched out MatPat over jokes.

And I guarantee you’ll cry foul at me if you ever find this, decrying me as just a salty RWBY fanboy. And this time, I’m not accepting any excuses. You HAD your chances.

4chan trolls are more respectable than you. They have principles and stick to them. Fanboys are more respectable than you. They don’t claim to be anything else. And yes, your targets are more respectable than you. Their channels aren’t based on hypocrisy THIS deeply rooted.

I regret ever watching you because you were clearly speaking out of your ass.

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Post-Edit:

So i edited a couple of my less explained points to get my issue across. Just saying this here so that no one accuses me of editing the source for malicious purposes.

As for why I didn’t rewrite the last two sections to remove my anger: that stays to prove a point. I had tried to stay neutral or at least calm throughout the video. But my frustrations just kept on building as you became increasingly smug and condescending, even though you called out such shit against others. I can’t even respect your arguments as arguments because considering the erratic nature of this video as well as how out of place some of them are (”Orange Man Bad”): it sounds like you just took every single compliant ever said about Volume 7 and threw it in.

You end all your videos saying ‘Examine Your Fandom’. Did you ever do that yourself?

12 notes · View notes

hiyabeto · 5 years

Text

Warning: This is not an endorsement or encouragement for you to start behaving in illegal or immoral behaviour. I am not held responsible for any trouble you decide to get into; or what you do I encourage people to use my information I post in a responsible way and not violate any state or federal laws

History Of The Dark Web

The Deep Web and it’s Dark Web brother have been in the public eye more than usual in the past few years. Once the things that happen on the hidden part began having an impact on the day to day and safety of our lives, ordinary people started to take an interest. That doesn’t mean the hidden part of the internet is a recent development. It’s just about as old as the internet itself!

Now days tho it is dangerous if you are less then tech savvy and it could turn deadly for a new person stumbling onto the dark side of the internet where things like killers for hire, Drugs, Guns, Fake Money, and even Identities and people can be bought! You can only guess what can happen if you stumble onto one of these sites without knowing and ask the wrong questions!

1980

The history of the hidden web is almost as old as the history of the internet itself. Obviously, the same technology that made the internet and the web possible, also makes the Dark Web possible thanks to its architecture and designs. Which is why it is fair to pin the start of the Dark Web to ARPANET. Which is the direct precursor to the internet of today? While ARPANET may not have had a Dark Web as we know it now from the start, it wouldn’t take long before people started to make use of this technology for things they wanted to keep a secret. It turns out that the first ever online sale happened in the early 70s and was in fact cannabis. Students at Stanford sold weed to students at MIT, using ARPANET. Remember that at this point most people didn’t have personal computers, much less home internet access.

In the 1980s, access to the internet for normal citizens is still a dream. This was the decade when everything needed for a worldwide web would fall into place. In the early 80s, the TCP/IP standard is solidified. By the mid- 80s personal computers and modems are, if not affordable, at least available for anyone to buy. Internet pioneers also invented the domain name system we use to resolve website names during this decade.

Data havens emerge as an idea at this time as well. Since the world was going global, worries about where data should be stored came to the fore. Storing your data in a haven meant sending it out of the country to a territory that had better legal protection against government spying. At the extreme, data havens would be in no country at all. They would be built on structures or vessels out in international waters . A similar idea to seasteading. Actual data havens in the 80s popped up in the Caribbean islands.(Or as it turns out and which is slowly starting to be developed the Decentralized web run off the BlockChain and which has the potential to be way more secure then the darkweb)

1990's

The 1990s are without a doubt the time when the World Wide Web went mainstream. Thanks to web technologies like HTTP and FTP along with graphical computers capable of running a web browser, there was a sudden mainstream appeal to this whole internet thing.

Towards the end of the 1990s, there was a real leap in the technologies that allowed large amounts of data, such as multimedia, to be shared online. MP3 technology in particular lead to a massive shakeup of the music industry. Thanks to like the likes of Napster, people could perform illegal peer-to-peer exchanges of ripped and compressed music. This caused a complete meltdown among musicians and music executives. Lars Ulrich famously sued Napster which was really symbolic of the battle between old and new school. Today the music industry has adapted and streaming subscriptions are the norm. Without Dark Web alike peer-to-peer exchanges it’s doubtful we’d have the consumer-friendly online media world of today.

2000

The Dark Web proper really got its start in March of 2000 with the release of Freenet. The service still exists today and provides a censorship-resistant way to use the web. It is a true implementation of the Dark Web and provided a way for plenty of illegal information to pass around. This included illegal pornographic material and pirated content. Of course, actually exchanging money anonymously is still incredibly hard at this point, since you have to use cash. So Freenet doesn’t lead to any black market activity to any significant degree.

A data haven called HavenCo was established in Sealand (a seasteading micronation) which promised to store sensitive information in a place where no government could stick its nose. It seemed like a Dark Web dream, but by the early 2010s HavenCo was dead.

The most important Dark Web development of all time happened in 2002, with the release of TOR or The Onion Router. It was created by non-other than the US government, as a way to help their own operatives remain untraceable. It’s no exaggeration to say that the Dark Web of today could not exist without this technology.

Late in the 2000s came the advent of cryptocurrency in the form of Bitcoin. The final piece of the puzzle needed to make the Dark Web really click.

The Early 2010's

The 2010s represent the era where cryptocurrency and TOR met to create the first proper black markets. The pioneer was the Silk Road, which is now long defunct. Despite taking all the important figures out behind the Silk Road, it has seemingly done little to stop the trade of drugs and other illegal goods and services over the Dark Web.

This is the era in which the Dark Web becomes a topic of public concern, rather than just something discussed as cyber security conferences. Many mainstream articles emerge that explain the difference between the massive Deep Web and the relatively tiny Dark Web.

It becomes especially scary when it emerges that terrorists are using the Dark Web to communicate and coordinate. Ironic, given what the US created TOR for originally. Research published showing that the Dark Web is mainly being used to commit crimes.

Today

The Dark Web of today is reportedly in decline. Despite this, there is an incredible variety of hidden services and significant information exchange happening out of sight of the mainstream web. It doesn’t really matter that the Dark Web is relatively small compared to the surface web as a whole. Its impact is disproportionately large. Small groups of hackers collaborating on the Dark Web can bring a multi-billion Dollar internet company to its knees. Hackers end up impacting millions of users.

Darknet black markets are also thriving and putting both traditional and new synthetic drugs into the hands of anyone who wants them. Cryptocurrency has been the biggest factor in this maturation of the Dark Web.

Now you know the basic history of the dark web,. now lets get into the history of the newer technologies that help run the dark web and keep it secure technologies like TOR and the Cryptocurrencies that helps collect payment from the goods that are sold on the dark web.

History Of Tor

Tor is based on the principle of ‘onion routing’ which was developed by Paul Syverson, Michael G. Reed and David Goldschlag at the United States Naval Research Laboratory in the 1990’s. The alpha version of Tor, named ‘The Onion Routing Project’ or simply TOR Project, was developed by Roger Dingledine and Nick Mathewson. It was launched on September 20, 2002. Further development was carried under the financial roof of the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF).

The Tor Project Inc. is a non-profit organization that currently maintains Tor and is responsible for its development. The United States Government mainly funds it, and further aid is provided by Swedish Government and different NGOs & individual sponsors.

The U.S. National Security Agency (NSA) has called Tor “the King of high secure, low latency Internet anonymity.” And similar comments by BusinessWeek magazine, “perhaps the most effective means of defeating the online surveillance efforts of intelligence agencies around the world”.

Another speculation made is that Tor takes its funding from the U.S. Government which may lead to the assumption that NSA may have compromised the identities of individual Tor users. However, the executive director Andrew Lewman has disclaimed any confederations with NSA.

How it works

Tor works on the concept of ‘onion routing’ method in which the user data is first encrypted and then transferred through different relays present in the Tor network, thus creating a multi-layered encryption (layers like an onion), thereby keeping the identity of the user safe.

One encryption layer is decrypted at each successive Tor relay, and the remaining data is forwarded to any random relay until it reaches its destination server. For the destination server, the last Tor node/exit relay appears as the origin of the data. It is thus tough to trace the identity of the user or the server by any surveillance system acting in the mid-way.

Other than providing anonymity to standalone users, Tor can also provide anonymity to websites and servers in the form of Tor Hidden Services. Also, P2P applications like BitTorrent can be configured to use the Tor network and download torrent files.

Is It Safe

Various claims have been made to compromise Tor’s anonymity and security from time to time. The most famous one was the Bad Apple Attack in which the researchers claimed to have identified around 10k IP addresses of active BitTorrent users who were connected via Tor.

The Heartbleed bug was behind another major compromise in April 2014 which halted the Tor network for several days.

Traffic Fingerprinting is a method used to analyze web traffic by analyzing the patterns, responses, and packets in a particular direction. This technique can be used to attack the Tor network by making the attacker’s computer act as the guard. The main vulnerability was found at its exit points where the level of security is very low as compared to the rest of the Tor network.

The History of cryptocurrencies

In 1983, the American cryptographer David Chaum conceived an anonymous cryptographic electronic money called ecash. Later, in 1995, he implemented it through Digicash, an early form of cryptographic electronic payments which required user software in order to withdraw notes from a bank and designate specific encrypted keys before it can be sent to a recipient. This allowed the digital currency to be untraceable by the issuing bank, the government, or any third party.

In 1996, the NSA published a paper entitled How to Make a Mint: the Cryptography of Anonymous Electronic Cash, describing a Cryptocurrency system first publishing it in a MIT mailing list and later in 1997, in The American Law Review (Vol. 46, Issue 4).

In 1998, Wei Dai published a description of "b-money", characterized as an anonymous, distributed electronic cash system. Shortly thereafter, Nick Szabo described bit gold. Like bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies that would follow it, bit gold (not to be confused with the later gold-based exchange, BitGold) was described as an electronic currency system which required users to complete a proof of work function with solutions being cryptographically put together and published. A currency system based on a reusable proof of work was later created by Hal Finney who followed the work of Dai and Szabo.

The first decentralized cryptocurrency, bitcoin, was created in 2009 by pseudonymous developer Satoshi Nakamoto. It used SHA-256, a cryptographic hash function, as its proof-of-work scheme. In April 2011, Namecoin was created as an attempt at forming a decentralized DNS, which would make internet censorship very difficult. Soon after, in October 2011, Litecoin was released. It was the first successful cryptocurrency to use scrypt as its hash function instead of SHA-256. Another notable cryptocurrency, Peercoin was the first to use a proof-of-work/proof-of-stake hybrid.

On 6 August 2014, the UK announced its Treasury had been commissioned to do a study of cryptocurrencies, and what role, if any, they can play in the UK economy. The study was also to report on whether regulation should be considered.

Definition

According to Jan Lansky, a cryptocurrency is a system that meets six conditions:

The system does not require a central authority, its state is maintained through distributed consensus.The system keeps an overview of cryptocurrency units and their ownership.The system defines whether new cryptocurrency units can be created. If new cryptocurrency units can be created, the system defines the circumstances of their origin and how to determine the ownership of these new units.Ownership of cryptocurrency units can be proved exclusively cryptographically.The system allows transactions to be performed in which ownership of the cryptographic units is changed. A transaction statement can only be issued by an entity proving the current ownership of these units.If two different instructions for changing the ownership of the same cryptographic units are simultaneously entered, the system performs at most one of them.

In March 2018, the word cryptocurrency was added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

What is Blockchain

A blockchain, originally block chain, is a growing list of records, called blocks, that are linked using cryptography.[1][6] Each block contains a cryptographic hash of the previous block, a timestamp, and transaction data (generally represented as a Merkle tree).

By design, a blockchain is resistant to modification of the data. It is "an open, distributed ledger that can record transactions between two parties efficiently and in a verifiable and permanent way". For use as a distributed ledger, a blockchain is typically managed by a peer-to-peer network collectively adhering to a protocol for inter-node communication and validating new blocks. Once recorded, the data in any given block cannot be altered retroactively without alteration of all subsequent blocks, which requires consensus of the network majority. Although blockchain records are not unalterable, blockchains may be considered secure by design and exemplify a distributed computing system with high Byzantine fault tolerance. Decentralized consensus has therefore been claimed with a blockchain.

Blockchain was invented by a person (or group of people) using the name Satoshi Nakamoto in 2008 to serve as the public transaction ledger of the cryptocurrency bitcoin. The identity of Satoshi Nakamoto is unknown. The invention of the blockchain for bitcoin made it the first digital currency to solve the double-spending problem without the need of a trusted authority or central server. The bitcoin design has inspired other applications, and blockchains that are readable by the public are widely used by cryptocurrencies. Blockchain is considered a type of payment rail. Private blockchains have been proposed for business use. Sources such as Computerworld called the marketing of such blockchains without a proper security model "snake oil".

Structure

A blockchain is a decentralized, distributed and public digital ledger that is used to record transactions across many computers so that any involved record cannot be altered retroactively, without the alteration of all subsequent blocks. This allows the participants to verify and audit transactions independently and relatively inexpensively. A blockchain database is managed autonomously using a peer-to-peer network and a distributed timestamping server. They are authenticated by mass collaboration powered by collective self-interests. Such a design facilitates robust workflow where participants' uncertainty regarding data security is marginal. The use of a blockchain removes the characteristic of infinite reproducibility from a digital asset. It confirms that each unit of value was transferred only once, solving the long-standing problem of double spending. A blockchain has been described as a value-exchange protocol. A blockchain can maintain title rights because, when properly set up to detail the exchange agreement, it provides a record that compels offer and acceptance.

Blocks

Blocks hold batches of valid transactions that are hashed and encoded into a Merkle tree. Each block includes the cryptographic hash of the prior block in the blockchain, linking the two. The linked blocks form a chain. This iterative process confirms the integrity of the previous block, all the way back to the original genesis block.

Sometimes separate blocks can be produced concurrently, creating a temporary fork. In addition to a secure hash-based history, any blockchain has a specified algorithm for scoring different versions of the history so that one with a higher value can be selected over others. Blocks not selected for inclusion in the chain are called orphan blocks. Peers supporting the database have different versions of the history from time to time. They keep only the highest-scoring version of the database known to them. Whenever a peer receives a higher-scoring version (usually the old version with a single new block added) they extend or overwrite their own database and retransmit the improvement to their peers. There is never an absolute guarantee that any particular entry will remain in the best version of the history forever. Blockchains are typically built to add the score of new blocks onto old blocks and are given incentives to extend with new blocks rather than overwrite old blocks. Therefore, the probability of an entry becoming superseded decreases exponentially as more blocks are built on top of it, eventually becoming very low. For example, bitcoin uses a proof-of-work system, where the chain with the most cumulative proof-of-work is considered the valid one by the network. There are a number of methods that can be used to demonstrate a sufficient level of computation. Within a blockchain the computation is carried out redundantly rather than in the traditional segregated and parallel manner.

Block time

The block time is the average time it takes for the network to generate one extra block in the blockchain. Some blockchains create a new block as frequently as every five seconds. By the time of block completion, the included data becomes verifiable. In cryptocurrency, this is practically when the transaction takes place, so a shorter block time means faster transactions. The block time for Ethereum is set to between 14 and 15 seconds, while for bitcoin it is 10 minutes.

Hard forks

A hard fork is a rule change such that the software validating according to the old rules will see the blocks produced according to the new rules as invalid. In case of a hard fork, all nodes meant to work in accordance with the new rules need to upgrade their software.

If one group of nodes continues to use the old software while the other nodes use the new software, a split can occur. For example, Ethereum has hard-forked to "make whole" the investors in The DAO, which had been hacked by exploiting a vulnerability in its code. In this case, the fork resulted in a split creating Ethereum and Ethereum Classic chains. In 2014 the Nxt community was asked to consider a hard fork that would have led to a rollback of the blockchain records to mitigate the effects of a theft of 50 million NXT from a major cryptocurrency exchange. The hard fork proposal was rejected, and some of the funds were recovered after negotiations and ransom payment. Alternatively, to prevent a permanent split, a majority of nodes using the new software may return to the old rules, as was the case of bitcoin split on 12 March 2013

Decentralization

By storing data across its peer-to-peer network, the blockchain eliminates a number of risks that come with data being held centrally. The decentralized blockchain may use ad-hoc message passing and distributed networking.

Peer-to-peer blockchain networks lack centralized points of vulnerability that computer crackers can exploit; likewise, it has no central point of failure. Blockchain security methods include the use of public-key cryptography. A public key (a long, random-looking string of numbers) is an address on the blockchain. Value tokens sent across the network are recorded as belonging to that address. A private key is like a password that gives its owner access to their digital assets or the means to otherwise interact with the various capabilities that blockchains now support. Data stored on the blockchain is generally considered incorruptible.

Every node in a decentralized system has a copy of the blockchain. Data quality is maintained by massive database replication and computational trust. No centralized "official" copy exists and no user is "trusted" more than any other. Transactions are broadcast to the network using software. Messages are delivered on a best-effort basis. Mining nodes validate transactions, add them to the block they are building, and then broadcast the completed block to other nodes. Blockchains use various time-stamping schemes, such as proof-of-work, to serialize changes. Alternative consensus methods include proof-of-stake. Growth of a decentralized blockchain is accompanied by the risk of centralization because the computer resources required to process larger amounts of data become more expensive.

Openness

Open blockchains are more user-friendly than some traditional ownership records, which, while open to the public, still require physical access to view. Because all early blockchains were permissionless, controversy has arisen over the blockchain definition. An issue in this ongoing debate is whether a private system with verifiers tasked and authorized (permissioned) by a central authority should be considered a blockchain. Proponents of permissioned or private chains argue that the term "blockchain" may be applied to any data structure that batches data into time-stamped blocks. These blockchains serve as a distributed version of multiversion concurrency control (MVCC) in databases. Just as MVCC prevents two transactions from concurrently modifying a single object in a database, blockchains prevent two transactions from spending the same single output in a blockchain. Opponents say that permissioned systems resemble traditional corporate databases, not supporting decentralized data verification, and that such systems are not hardened against operator tampering and revision. Nikolai Hampton of Computerworld said that "many in-house blockchain solutions will be nothing more than cumbersome databases," and "without a clear security model, proprietary blockchains should be eyed with suspicion."

Permissionless

The great advantage to an open, permissionless, or public, blockchain network is that guarding against bad actors is not required and no access control is needed. This means that applications can be added to the network without the approval or trust of others, using the blockchain as a transport layer.

Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies currently secure their blockchain by requiring new entries to include a proof of work. To prolong the blockchain, bitcoin uses Hashcash puzzles. While Hashcash was designed in 1997 by Adam Back, the original idea was first proposed by Cynthia Dwork and Moni Naor and Eli Ponyatovski in their 1992 paper "Pricing via Processing or Combatting Junk Mail".

Financial companies have not prioritised decentralized blockchains.

In 2016, venture capital investment for blockchain-related projects was weakening in the USA but increasing in China.[37] Bitcoin and many other cryptocurrencies use open (public) blockchains. As of April 2018, bitcoin has the highest market capitalization.

Permissioned (private) blockchain

Permissioned blockchains use an access control layer to govern who has access to the network. In contrast to public blockchain networks, validators on private blockchain networks are vetted by the network owner. They do not rely on anonymous nodes to validate transactions nor do they benefit from the network effect. Permissioned blockchains can also go by the name of 'consortium' blockchains.

Disadvantages of private blockchain

Nikolai Hampton pointed out in Computerworld that "There is also no need for a '51 percent' attack on a private blockchain, as the private blockchain (most likely) already controls 100 percent of all block creation resources. If you could attack or damage the blockchain creation tools on a private corporate server, you could effectively control 100 percent of their network and alter transactions however you wished." This has a set of particularly profound adverse implications during a financial crisis or debt crisis like the financial crisis of 2007–08, where politically powerful actors may make decisions that favor some groups at the expense of others, and "the bitcoin blockchain is protected by the massive group mining effort. It's unlikely that any private blockchain will try to protect records using gigawatts of computing power — it's time consuming and expensive." He also said, "Within a private blockchain there is also no 'race'; there's no incentive to use more power or discover blocks faster than competitors. This means that many in-house blockchain solutions will be nothing more than cumbersome databases."

Blockchain analysis

The analysis of public blockchains has become increasingly important with the popularity of bitcoin, Ethereum, litecoin and other cryptocurrencies. A blockchain, if it is public, provides anyone who wants access to observe and analyse the chain data, given one has the know-how. The process of understanding and accessing the flow of crypto has been an issue for many cryptocurrencies, crypto-exchanges and banks. The reason for this is accusations of blockchain enabled cryptocurrencies enabling illicit dark market trade of drugs, weapons, money laundering etc. A common belief has been that cryptocurrency is private and untraceable, thus leading many actors to use it for illegal purposes. This is changing and now specialised tech-companies provide blockchain tracking services, making crypto exchanges, law-enforcement and banks more aware of what is happening with crypto funds and fiat crypto exchanges. The development, some argue, has lead criminals to prioritise use of new cryptos such as Monero. The question is about public accessibility of blockchain data and the personal privacy of the very same data. It is a key debate in cryptocurrency and ultimately in blockchain.

Types Of Blockchain's

Currently, there are at least four types of blockchain networks — public blockchains, private blockchains, consortium blockchains and hybrid blockchains.

Public blockchains

A public blockchain has absolutely no access restrictions. Anyone with an Internet connection can send transactions to it as well as become a validator (i.e., participate in the execution of a consensus protocol). Usually, such networks offer economic incentives for those who secure them and utilize some type of a Proof of Stake or Proof of Work algorithm.

Some of the largest, most known public blockchains are the bitcoin blockchain and the Ethereum blockchain.

Private blockchains

A private blockchain is permissioned. One cannot join it unless invited by the network administrators. Participant and validator access is restricted.

This type of blockchains can be considered a middle-ground for companies that are interested in the blockchain technology in general but are not comfortable with a level of control offered by public networks. Typically, they seek to incorporate blockchain into their accounting and record-keeping procedures without sacrificing autonomy and running the risk of exposing sensitive data to the public internet.

Hybrid blockchains

A hybrid blockchain simply explained is a combination between different characteristics both public and private blockchains have by design. It allows to determine what information stays private and what information is made public. Further decentralization in relation to primarily centralized private blockchains can be achieved in various ways. Instead of keeping transactions inside their own network of community run or private nodes, the hash (with or without payload) can be posted on completely decentralized blockchains such as bitcoin. Dragonchain uses Interchain to host transactions on other blockchains. This allows users to operate on different blockchains, where they can selectively share data or business logic. Other blockchains like Wanchain use interoperability mechanisms such as bridges. By submitting the hash of a transaction (with or without the sensitive business logic) on public blockchains like bitcoin or Ethereum, some of the privacy and blockchain concerns are resolved, as no personal identifiable information is stored on a public blockchain. Depending on the hybrid blockchain its architecture, multi cloud solutions allow to store data in compliance with General Data Protection Regulation and other geographical limitations while also leveraging bitcoin's global hashpower to decentralize transactions.

Getting Started On The Darkweb

Technically, this is not a difficult process. You simply need to install and use Tor. Go to www.torproject.org and download the Tor Browser Bundle, which contains all the required tools. Run the downloaded file, choose an extraction location, then open the folder and click Start Tor Browser. That's it.

The Vidalia Control Panel will automatically handle the randomised network setup and, when Tor is ready, the browser will open; just close it again to disconnect from the network.

Depending on what you intend to do on the Dark Web, some users recommend placing tape over your laptop's webcam to prevent prying eyes watching you. A tinfoil hat is also an option. If you're reading this to find out about torrent files.

The difficult thing is knowing where to look on the Dark Web. There, reader, we leave you to your own devices and wish you good luck and safe surfing. And a warning before you go any further. Once you get into the Dark Web, you *will* be able to access those sites to which the tabloids refer. This means that you could be a click away from sites selling drugs and guns, and - frankly - even worse things.

Aggregation sites such as Reddit offer lists of links, as do several Wikis, including http://thehiddenwiki.org/ - a list that offers access to some very bad places. Have a quick look by all means, but please don't take our linking to it as an endorsement to go out and get your self in trouble and please note I am not responsible for what you do

Also, Dark Web sites do go down from time to time, due to their dark nature. But if you want good customer service, stay out of the dark!

How to download Tor browser?

NOTE:Altho TOR is secure it is still advisable to download a 3rd party Virtual Private Network (VPN) as it will give you a much greater chance of not being intercepted and anything you can do to repel the people looking for what you are doing the better! ok, now lets get started

The Tor Project Inc. has released Tor Browser which is a modification of an Extended Support Release version of Mozilla Firefox browser. The browser is portable so that it can be used from an external media and also reduces the hazel of installation. Tor Browser removes the browsing history and cookies after every use, thus reducing the risk of any cookie tracking. We can set-up SOCKS (Socket Secure) based applications to use the Tor network by configuring them with a loop-back address.

Tor Browser removes the browsing history and cookies after every use, thus reducing the risk of any cookie tracking. We can set-up SOCKS (Socket Secure) based applications to use the Tor network by configuring them with a loop-back address.

The Tor browser is available various desktop operating systems including Windows, Linux, and MacOS. You can visit this link to download Tor browser.

How to install Tor browser on Windows?

Run the Tor Browser setup.Choose your desired language.On the next windows, choose the destination folder. Using Tor would be easy if you choose the Desktop as the destination.Click Install.

The setup will create a folder named Tor Browser on your Desktop. Open the folder, and run the shortcut file to use Tor Browser.

For Linux, you’ll have to extract the downloaded file either using the command line or a file extractor application.

Tor Browser for Android

Orbot – a proxy with Tor for Android devices.

Orfox – a mobile version of Tor Browser for Android devices.

The Guardian Project, a global developer community founded by Nathan Freitas, is to be credited for the development of these apps.

Tor Browser for iOS

An official Tor browser app for iOS is available on the App Store.

Tor Alternatives

Hornet is a new anonymity network that provides higher network speeds compared to Tor. I2P and Freenet are other anonymity networks which can act as Tor alternatives. Also, Tails and Subgraph OS are Linux-based distributions with built-in Tor support.

Should I Use Tor?

Tor has proved to be an excellent medium for safe, secure and anonymous web presence available to a user at no cost. The developers of Tor didn’t intend it to become a hotbed of illegal activities, but evil-minded people have leveraged Tor for their benefits. The Tor project has led to an optimistic approach towards censorship and surveillance-free internet.

You can use Tor if you want to conceal your identity on the web or access some website that blocked in your region. But refrain yourself from doing anything that’s above the law because nothing is fool-proof and they can still catch you. Also, accessing your social media accounts over Tor can expose your identity. This being said me personally I use TOR only for my dark web research and visits. I do not access no websites with a commercially available router extension (IE: Com, Net, Org, Or anything else) the only extension that is run through tor is .onion extensions. The reason being is that any other extensions have the possibility to provide backdoor access to any an all of your information that is run while it is active.

NOTE: TOR's cookies are not dumbed until after you close the browser so it is still possible to track you if your browser is left open after you visited any other sites.

Steps For Safety(CH3)

Step 1: Plan ahead.

There are plenty of reasons companies and individuals may want to access the Dark Web. SMBs and enterprise companies in particular may want to monitor Dark Web portals for stolen corporate account information. Individuals may want to monitor sites for evidence of identity theft. Facebook's encrypted site, located at facebookcorewwwi.onion, is a feature-rich method of accessing the social network using end-to-end encryption.

Set a goal, make plans, and stay focused. Be mindful of purpose. Make sure you know what information you're looking for and why you're logging on to the encrypted web. For example, if you're a reporter and need to communicate with sources, focus on PGP, email, and encrypted communication. If you're searching for credit card information, look for Silk Road-type markets that sell hacked data.Get what you need, safely disconnect TOR and Tails, then log off.

Step 2: Obtain a new USB flash drive.

Purchase a new 8 GB or larger USB flash drive. Make sure you use a fresh, unused drive. You will install Tails, and Tails only, directly on your storage device.

Step 3: Prepare your local machine.

Ideally, use a fresh laptop. This isn't an option for most users, so instead do everything in your power to secure and isolate mission-critical information.

Back up critical data and local files.Make sure your hardware is optimized and malware-free.

Step 4: Download Tails and TOR.

TOR and Tails are available on the TOR Project website. Access download links directly from https://www.torproject.org. Insert your USB drive and follow the instructions on https://tails.boum.org.

Step 5: Browse safely.

Common portals and search engines:

DuckDuckGoThe Hidden WikiOnion.linkAhmia.fiGramsTorch

Encryption is strong, but not impenetrable. The FBI discovered and exploited vulnerabilities in the TOR network. Though the agency refused to disclose the source code used to penetrate the network, undoubtedly law enforcement agencies around the world monitor and operate on the Deep Web. Members of the TOR project vowed to patch network holes and strengthen the protocol.

Many of the best general deep web search engines have shut down or been acquired, like Alltheweb and CompletePlanet. Still, a few are hanging around to get you started:

DeeperWeb – Deep web search engine that leverages Google SearchThe WWW Virtual Library – The original index of the web, but more of a directory than a search engine.Surfwax – Indexes RSS feeds. Not certain this is still working…IceRocket – Searches the blogosphere and Twitter

These are all okay, but specialized search engines tend to be better than general ones for finding info on the deep web. If you’re looking for a court case, for example, use your state or country’s public records search. If you need academic journals, check out our article on using deep web search engines for academic and scholarly research. The more specific you can be, the better, or else you’ll just end up with the same search results that you would find on Google. If you need a specific file type, like an Excel file or a PDF, learn how to specify searches for that type of file (e.g. type “filetype:PDF” in your DeeperWeb query).

How to access the dark web on Android with Tor Browser

The official Tor Browser is now available on Android. You can get it from the Play Store or the Tor downloads page. As of writing, Tor Browser for Android is still in alpha, and additionally requires you install Orbot as a prerequisite.

The Tor Browser is the most popular dark web browser. Once Tor Browser is installed, you can now access those .onion dark net websites.

Using A VPN over TOR Or Vice Versa

A VPN allows a user to encrypt all the internet traffic traveling to and from his or her device and route it through a server in a location of that user’s choosing. A VPN in combination with Tor further adds to the security and anonymity of the user.

While somewhat similar, Tor emphasizes anonymity, and a VPN emphasizes privacy.

Combining them reduces risk, but there’s an important distinction in how these two tools interact. Let’s first discuss Tor over VPN.

If you connect to your VPN and fire up Tor Browser, you’re using Tor over VPN, this is by far the most common method. All your device’s internet traffic first goes to the VPN server, then it bounces through the Tor Network before ending up at its final destination. Your ISP only see’s the encrypted VPN traffic, and won’t know you’re on Tor. You can access .onion websites normally.

#Dark Web #Saftey #technology #Getting Started On The Dark Web #tor #tor browser #vpn #security

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supastareden · 5 years

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Inside the Sadness Plaguing K-Pop

by NATALIE FINN | Thu., Mar. 29, 2018 3:07 PM [X]

Nothing cheers you up, lifts you up, brings you life quite like pop music. Even when it's Harry Styles or Adeleor Sam Smith or BTS achingly belting their despair into that cold, lonely night...songs that make you feel all the feelings are still songs that are taking you to new heights. There's nothing quite like a tune that hurts so good.

As we wallow, so do we celebrate.

In South Korea, the genre is known as K-Pop—a catchy moniker established in the 1990s that's starting to catch fire around the globe—and all the hallmarks of the superstars of the Western world are present and accounted for: Charismatic boy bands, polished pop princesses, infectious chart-topping singles, carefully crafted images and tender-aged men and women who've inspired a level of fanaticism reserved for...well, almost no one besides pop stars these days.

Music is the universal language, after all.

But for the second time in four months, the K-pop world is in mourning, this time following the sudden death on March 25 of 100% singer Seo Minwoo. He was 33.

The actor and boyband heartthrob reportedly suffered cardiac arrest; an official cause of death has not yet been announced.

TOP Media founder Andy Lee, the singer turned K-pop impresario who's behind the groups 100%, Teen Top, Shinhwa and UP10TION, expressed his condolences in a statement online, calling Seo a leader known for his tenderness and sincerity.

While American audiences may still be largely in the dark when it comes to the ins and outs of K-pop and its artists, our mainstream exposure fairly limited to PSY's "Gangnam Style" and, more recently, the emergence of BTS on the world stage, fans took to social media to share exactly what Seo meant to them.

"Seo Minwoo is my life mentor. He gave up everything for 100% and perfection. Words are not enough to describe how great of a person he is. How lovely, caring and talented he is. Seo Minwoo, my king... I love you," wrote Haya on Twitter.

She continued, "Seo Minwoo gave up is acting career for 100%. Fought Top Media over and over again (f*ck you tm) to keep 100% together. Everything he did he put his absolute everything in. He openly supported LGBTQ, did vlives often to talk with perfection about their concerns."

Haya's current pinned tweet is from Dec. 24, 2015: "If 100% were a religion, I'd build them a church and dedicate my whole life and soul to them."

While that's a lot, it's indicative of the level of devotion that some K-pop stars have awoken in their fans.

A number of people tweeted that upcoming "selca days"—specific days each month on which fans post selfies with their favorite idols—should be canceled out of respect for Minwoo. 100%'s fandom is called Perfection.

And SHINee World knows what they're going through.

On Dec. 18, 2017, SHINee singer Kim Jong-hyun (known as Jonghyun) committed suicide, baffling fans and even fellow K-pop stars who figured the 27-year-old was on top of the world.

"It was so shocking, because we had seen him so often at events," BTS' RM told Billboard last month. He was so successful."

"My Poet My Artist My Jonghyun I miss you," tweeted w today. In fact, there are so many newly posted photos and video clips of the young man on Twitter that, aside from the occasional mournful missive like this one, you'd be forgiven for not knowing that he's gone.

The account Jonghyun On This Day is also doing its part to keep his memory alive.

But Jonghyun's death—authorities found charred coal briquettes in a frying pan on the stove, which produced carbon monoxide—obviously rattled the music world at large on multiple levels. In addition to the personal loss felt alike by loved ones and fans who felt they knew him, mental health is not an issue that tends to get much media attention in South Korea—or in Asia overall.

"To the South Korean government: Let #Jonghyun be the light in death that he was in life," tweeted Xavier on Dec. 18. "Recognize that suicide is an epidemic in South Korea and takes strides to ending the negative stigmas around mental health and to combat this issue. Don't let Jonghyun be another statistic."

A fan started a Change.org petition demanding that entertainment companies set up mental health support systems for their artists. More than 430,000 people have signed.

After some discussion, his family agreed to make public the suicide note the singer and songwriter, who made his solo debut in 2015 with the well-received album Base, left behind. His friend and Dear Cloud singer Jang Hee-yeon, known as Nine9, posted it on her Instagram. She said she'd obtained the note two weeks before Jonghyun's death and was asked to publish it if he "disappeared from the world."

"I'm broken from the inside," the note read. "The depression that has slowly eaten away at me has finally consumed me, and I couldn't beat it."

It concluded, "The life of fame was not for me. They say it's hard to bump up against the world and become famous. Why did I choose this life? It's a funny thing. It's a miracle that I lasted this long...

"What else is there to say? Just tell me I did well. Tell me that this is enough. Tell me I worked hard. Even if you can't smile, please don't blame me as you send me off. Well done. You've really worked hard. Goodbye."

In a sign that Jonghyun's death could help bring about positive change in the way mental health and depression are publicly discussed, the circumstances of his death continue to be a topic of conversation—one that Seo Minwoo's passing, no matter what the cause, only brings to mind all over again.

Just today a fan tweeted, "Nine said on the last interview Jonghyun once told her that she brings comfort to him. She noticed his condition got worse after blue night and when he gave her the letter she told his family right away, tried to save him, to prevent the worst from happening...

"I really believe everyone around him knew about his condition and tried their best to help him. that's why it hurts so much, that even though he got help he still wanted to leave."

In an interview with Billboard last month, members of BTS said that they wanted to keep the discussion about mental health going.

"I really want to say that everyone in the world is lonely and everyone is sad," Suga, 25, said, "and if we know that everyone is suffering and lonely, I hope we can create an environment where we can ask for help, and say things are hard when they're hard, and say that we miss someone when we miss them."

Bucking national mores and the pressure to be upbeat or put up an artificially glossy front all the time, Jonghyun, who also hosted the long-running music radio program Blue Night, had spoken out publicly about his battle with depression—much like young American stars such as Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Zayn Malikand Keshahave been widely applauded for doing these days.

His last Blue Night broadcast was in March 2017 after three years behind the mic. He admitted to Esquire Korea that he didn't like traveling and considered himself a homebody—and the close confines of a radio studio, just him alone with some music, had been a perfect fit.

"It may be that I came running to radio in order to escape," he reflected to the magazine, per an English translation. "I don't really like going outside. And I don't really like having to meet a lot of people. I'm also afraid of trying new things. The radio now felt like my own personal space. It had become an escape hatch for me to greet new things without feeling awkward."

Jonghyun, who cited personal matters as the reason he was leaving the radio show, said it had become important to him to share his metaphorical scars with the world.

"I'm fundamentally a pessimistic person," he said. "Ever since I was little I showed a lot of depressive feelings, and it's the same in the present. But I don't think I can keep living my life sustaining those depressive feelings forever. You might be able to go through the early-to-mid-part of your life with that kind of melancholy. But if you want to grow, you can only survive if you throw those feelings away.

"Unless you want to get trapped within yourself and die, you have to grow no matter how much it hurts—but if you stop because you're afraid, in the end it's inevitable that you'd remain in an immature state of mind. I chose the path to transform myself. To reveal myself to the public. To attempt to make my thoughts understood. I have to make people aware that this is the kind of person I am, and I can only be on the defensive if I know that they know."

The translator noted that she avoided using the word "depression," because Jonghyun didn't use what amounted to that word specifically. Even in talking about it, those feelings of sadness remained a beast with no name.

When Jonghyun died, his SHINee band mates and members of the group Super Junior (both groups under the S.M. Entertainment umbrella), all clad in black, carried his coffin from Asan Medical Center in Seoul to a waiting vehicle. His sister headed the procession, carrying a photo of her late brother.

The funeral was private, for friends and family only, but hundreds of people lined up to see the coffin leave the hospital.

A statement from S.M. Entertainment read in part (according to Rolling Stone), "The deep sorrow cannot be compared to ones of his family who had to let go of their loving son and brother but the employees and artists of SM Entertainment, also in deep shock and sorrow, are offering condolences. Jonghyun was the best artist who loved music more than anyone and always worked hard for his performance. We ask you to refrain from making rumors or assumptions based on reports in respect of his family who are in deep sorrow from the sudden news. As his family wished, his funeral will be carried out in the quietest manner with his family members and co-workers."

But Jonghyun's death was hardly the first time the punishing pace of the K-pop machine had come under fire.

In addition to being expected to tour and crank out albums, sometimes in multiple languages (SHINee had also recorded in Japanese), the artists often appear on a never-ending stream of competition TV series in addition to doing talk shows, photo shoots and public appearances to keep the fans both sated and hungry for more.

But despite the seeming glut of artists and groups to remember (there are so manyselca days), truly breaking through as a star remains an elusive concept—and standing out in South Korea's youth-obsessed culture can feel like an insurmountable challenge.

And then there's the appearance factor. "If a girl has a bad face and a good body, the problem can be fixed with plastic surgery," Kim Min-seok, a former trainer with YG Entertainment (considered along with S.M. and JYP as the "Big Three" agencies), told Broadly. in 2016.

Moreover, the litany of groups also tend to be carefully managed, meticulously packaged pop confections, with a management company pulling the strings behind the scenes. Those who hope to make it big are expected to dedicate their lives to that goal, and that's basically what signing a contract entails.

In January 2015, NBC News cited a survey of South Korean pre-teens: When asked about career aspirations, 21 percent said they wanted to be K-pop stars.

"I am thinking only one thing—our song keeps being played," 20-year-old Sowon, a member of the girl group GFriend, which had an international hit at the time with their debut single "Glass Bead," told NBC News. "I hope to perform anywhere, anytime, even if I can't sleep or I am tired."

On Feb. 24, 2015, aspiring K-pop star Ahn So Jin died after falling 10 stories from an apartment building, with police concluding that her death was a suicide. The 22-year-old had made a splash the previous year after making it to the finals of The Kara Project—a competition show held to find girl group Kara a new member after two girls had left.

"It has to be this, or nothing," Sojin said on the show's premiere. "I can't miss this." She had been a K-pop trainee with Kara manager DSP Media for five years but her contract had reportedly ended the month before her death.

Kara disbanded for good in January 2016.

ng Ha-Jin, a 23-year-old university student who had once been a trainee with S.M. Entertainment after winning a talent competition, told NBC News in 2015 that she wasn't allowed to have a cell phone while in the program and the competition to earn a coveted slot in an actual girl group was fierce—and stressful.

"The most difficult part in fact was when I saw myself and felt like I didn't grow up," she said.

The loss of individuality isn't limited to K-pop, either.

In 2013, Minami Minegishi of Japan's AKB48—a group with over 100 rotating members who appear in different configurations at different events—shaved her head and tearfully apologized in a video confession after she spent the night with her boyfriend, an apparent infraction of a no-dating rule.

"I don't believe just doing this means I can be forgiven for what I did, but the first thing I thought was that I don't want to quit AKB48," Minegishi said, according to the BBC. AKB48's manager said Minegishi, an original member of the group when it formed in 2005, had been demoted to trainee status.

Her fans, more appalled by the self-flagellation than anything else, rallied around her, insisting she not be punished for just wanting to live her life.

In 2015, the BBC reported that members of Japanese boy band SMAP somberly dressed in black and publicly apologized on their weekly show SMAPxSMAP after they attempted to leave their longtime agency Johnny & Associates.

The K-pop scene doesn't sound quite so rigid these days, with managers and producers perhaps not wanting to alienate coveted Western audiences with oppressive behavioral strictures, but it still demands a level of old-fashioned poise and accommodation from its artists.

"If you go to the agency, every young trainee will give you a very polite bow and there are notices with the company rules on the wall to remind them how to behave," K-pop industry expert Mark Russell told the BBC in 2016.

In June 2014, Taeyeon of Girls Generation and Baekhyun of boy band EXO apologized to their respective fan bases for the "disappointment, anger, hatred, frustration, and dejection" they presumably felt when they found out that Taeyeon and Baekhyun were dating (a coupling that would seemingly send their fans over the moon, Jelena-style).

Last June, T.O.P. of the group Big Bang was hospitalized for several days after overdosing on prescription medication, the incident occurring a day after he was charged with smoking marijuana—a crime punishable by up to five years in prison in South Korea. According to Today Online, when he was caught smoking in October 2016, he issued a handwritten apology letter stating, "I deserve punishment for hurting the (BIGBANG) members, agency, public, fans and family. I'll regret this for tens of thousands of years."

T.O.P. was found guilty and received a suspended 10-month prison sentence because the judge determined that, although he had admitted his guilt and "disappointed his family and fans," he seemed sufficiently remorseful.

"I'm truly sorry that I disappointed my fans and the public," the 29-year-old, whose real name is Choi Seung-Hyun, told reporters after his sentencing last summer. I will do my best to make a fresh start and not to make such a mistake again with what I've learned from this lesson,"

In August, management company WM Entertainment announced that JinE of Oh My Girl was taking a break from the group while she sought treatment for anorexia, stating, "We will wholeheartedly support JinE while she rests and receives treatment. We apologize once more for bringing this sudden news to fans and ask that you continue to show Oh My Girl unchanging love and interest." JinE's permanent exit from the group was announced in October.

It's impossible not to note a hint of concern over past K-pop tragedy and the pitfalls of fame in this otherwise cheerful birthday greeting sent today (already March 30 in South Korea) to Cha Eunwoo, or Eunwoo, of the six-member boy band Astro.

"Mr. Cha Eunwoo Happy birthday to our sweet and sparkling fluff. AROHA are so lucky to have you," wrote Ashlyn Akiko (who changed her handle to #happychaeunwooday for the occasion). "Stay happy and healthy."

#Inside the Sadness Plaguing K-Pop #kpop #big bang #t.o.p #choi seunghyun #SHINee #Onew #Jonghyun #Key #Minho #Taemin #Kim Jonghyun #Kara #astro #cha eunwoo #oh my girl #jinE

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twelvegrimmyplace · 6 years

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Tina Daheley: ‘Young, female, brown – I wish there were more of me at the BBC’

The presenter of new podcast Beyond Today reflects on the death of laddish media culture

Few shows have changed the working culture of the BBC quite like Radio 1’s Breakfast Show, but it took Prince William to point it out before one presenter took stock of the past decade.

“The first thing he said to me was that he was such a fan and that he’d been listening to me for years,” Tina Daheley, a former Newsbeat host, told the Observer. “The second was: ‘I’m really pleased that some presenters now aren’t as mean to you now as other presenters’.”

Daheley is having the last laugh now. As the BBC prepares to launch Beyond Today – a daily podcast spinning off from Radio 4’s flagship current affairs programme – its new host is clear about how much has changed since her time as a news presenter on the Chris Moyles breakfast show.

“When I think about my audition with Chris Moyles … it was just, what, eight years ago? You just wouldn’t get away with it now. At the time, that was the culture: laddy, brash from the top down. He wasn’t politically correct and he had diehard fans. But that’s just how it was, and you got on with it. It was only later on you think, ‘Ooh. Hmm. That was, erm, interesting’.”

On air, Daheley was picked on for how she looked and became a running joke as a potential date for visiting pop stars. “There was an assumption based on the music I liked, so Chris would try to set me up with Tinie Tempah or another black guest,” she said.

She credits Nick Grimshaw, who succeeded Moyles as the frontman of the Breakfast Show in 2012 – not “producers, editors or managers” – for “normalising” Radio 1, doing away with hierarchy and “a culture where the star is untouchable”.

Having spent “10 years talking to one in four young people in Britain [while on Radio 1]”, Daheley is keen to drive the editorial behind Today’s new offer, which comes as the Guardian launches its own daily podcast, Today in Focus.

“Anyone who has been paying attention knows podcasts are hugely popular with under-35s, and if you’re serious about reaching that audience, it’s the logical thing to do,” she said. Broadcasters are still struggling to reach contemporary audiences because they simply do not reflect them. “For me, a big thing is class and social background. We’re supposed to be holding a mirror to society and be representing them, but when was the last time someone who didn’t go to public school or Oxbridge presented the Ten O’Clock News?”

Daheley, a Sikh, Punjabi, working-class British woman from a London council estate, has moved into TV after a decade on breakfast radio, presenting both the Six and Ten O’Clock Newsafter a spell as a jobbing host on Points of View, Crimewatch and BBC Breakfast. She landed a royal interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle and covered their wedding.

“The BBC gets a lot out of me,” she said. “I should be thinking: ‘this is brilliant, I’ve got this whole area locked off, I tick all of those boxes in terms of strategy – young women, brown people, so-called C2DE demographics – but I wish there were more of me. I had to work twice as hard and be damn good at my job to develop my career. I was doing 19 jobs and working for months without a day off [to get noticed] but there should be more people who look like me.”

She marvels at how different things were when she started out. “Put it this way, when we did our final [Moyles Breakfast Show] and could invite friends and family, I wouldn’t have dreamed of inviting my 6ft 5in dad in a turban there. Maybe that was down to me, trying to play down my otherness, but it was about how you would be perceived. I used to think it was a compliment that people assumed I went to public school and would tell me I spoke so well. Argh! Go on, finish that sentence; you mean you speak so well for a brown person,” she said.

“I’m happy now, I’m comfortable as myself,” she said. A couple of years ago, she was asked by a producer to cut her hair to present the news in order to be taken seriously – and she did. But when, earlier this year, Daheley’s “off-putting, cascading hair” became the subject of a viewer complaint to the BBC and went viral as a tabloid story, she laughed it off.

“You can care about how you look and be in the news and be smart – the length of your hair isn’t connected to your intellect. I used to dress down when I was younger to be taken seriously. I don’t worry now.”

#i mean i could basically bold this entire article #but i think it's great and she had lots of interesting things to say about the breakfast show #so it was worth posting the whole thing here (thx anon!)#tina daheley #nick grimshaw #r1bs

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kaiserdingus · 6 years

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Mario Movie Madness - The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach (1986) / Super Mario Bros. (1993)

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When it comes to story in video games, Donkey Kong was the originator. The first game to have an actual narrative with characters, Donkey Kong followed the simple plot of an everyman who rescues his love interest from a hot-headed brute. When Super Mario Bros. premiered on the Famicom a few years later there were a lot of changes, but the core story was still there. Mario, who was once a carpenter, must rescue the Princess from Bowser, just like he rescued Pauline from Donkey Kong.

This simple narrative would be the perfect motivation for someone to play through the game from start to finish. Seeing the Princess rescued from Bowser would be a perfect reward for braving through eight dangerous worlds. Would this be enough to hold up a movie, or a tv show, or a comic?

For a time in the late 80’s and early 90’s, Nintendo were more willing to license out their properties to be made into movies and cartoons. Japan saw one anime film, Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach, as well as a series of Original Video Animation releases. The United States got several syndicated cartoons produced by DiC (who also produced the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoons), as well as a live action Hollywood movie produced by Disney.

It was definitely the most interesting time to be a video game fan.

Super Mario Bros: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach!

Japan in the mid-1980’s was in full on Mario fever after the success of the Famicom and Super Mario Brothers. By 1985 Nintendo was already selling merchandise featuring everyone’s favorite mushroom-gobbling plumber, by now it was only natural to move into film. Being that Nintendo is a Japanese company it was only natural that they test the waters of media adaptations with an anime film.

On July 20th, 1986, Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach was released in Japanese theaters. The film was produced by Grouper Productions in collaboration with Nintendo, and was released on home video by VAP Video. The movie is an oddity in the Super Mario franchise, in that it has never seen any sort of re-release.

The movie had a relatively large marketing campaign, including tie-in merchandise and commercials featuring the Mario characters. Despite this, once the initial release window had closed the film would never be released again. This meant it would never see the light of day outside of Japan, and would lead to the film’s merchandise being among the more rare Mario related collectibles.

What’s interesting about this movie, and what could possibly be the reason behind its suppression, is that it was the first real depiction of the Super Mario characters outside of the video games. Of course, there were commercials and the animated series Saturday Supercade featured Mario characters. At the time things weren’t set in stone regarding Mario. It wasn’t until Super Mario Bros. that establishing canon and lore, as well as defined character designs, would become a priority.

This movie’s production would have occurred alongside the development of Super Mario Bros. 2, known as The Lost Levels in the West, so the designs and characters are almost entirely based on those found in the first Super Mario Bros. This is the first time we see Luigi as being taller than Mario, and this is also the first time he’s presented as a comical sidekick who almost doesn’t want to be there.

Mario is presented as the typical every man hero who wants to save the day. Peach is presented in what would become her final design, going against what the American cartoons would be doing with giving her brown hair. Bowser is shown as having a romantic motivation for kidnapping the Princess, which is something that wouldn’t be shown in the games until later by that point.

One thing that caught my ear was how the video game’s musical cues and sound effects are used comedically here. This is something that later American cartoons would also do, though its not clear if they’ve seen The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach before production or not. There are a lot of similarities between the anime movie and the American tv shows. For example, Mario and Luigi’s love of food, which would also become a staple of the games.

The most charming part of this movie is the soundtrack. While some musical cues come right from the games themselves, there are several montage scenes featuring a bouncy rock and roll soundtrack. The songs are catchy and infectious, one could easily find themselves humming the tunes hours after hearing them.

Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach is a great little animated movie that establishes or predicts character elements that would come to define the franchise. It’s a short movie at only an hour long, but it’s worth every minute. It’s a light hearted, tongue-in-cheek cartoon that’s aware of its video game origins and plays it up for laughs.

So, if it’s so good, why haven’t Nintendo re-released it? A couple of reasons, with the most obvious being licensing rights. When the movie was produced Nintendo were still new to success of this scale. It’s possible that the agreements made when the movie was first thought up would have each company involved hold onto some of the rights. The musicians, the production company, the home video distributor, there’s a good chance each of them own a piece of the movie. For Nintendo to wrestle the rights away from them could be a logistical nightmare.

Another reason for its lack of international release: cultural references. At the time the movie came out in Japan anime was just starting out in the West. What little anime was available in the United States was often butchered in the editing room in order to make it appealing to a Western audience. This included any references to Japanese culture, producers wanted to mask the fact that they were importing foreign shows and movies rather than creating new content.

Nintendo in 1986 were more concerned with making sure Western audiences were buying their games, especially after the video game crash of 1983 made video games a tough sell. By the time Nintendo was comfortable enough to start thinking of cartoons, they had decided to make Mario media aimed specifically at a Western audience. This would result in The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, based on the American version of Super Mario Bros. 2, as well as a few other shows based on Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World.

Of course, none of that would compare to what Nintendo were planning for 1993. Hollywood had come a knockin’, and Nintendo gave their blessings for a Disney produced live-action Super Mario Bros. movie.

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

The 1980’s were a true golden age of cinema aimed at young audiences. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Robert Zemeckis, these were the directors who shaped movies at the time. Back to the Future, E.T., The Goonies, Ghostbusters were all hits, but none of them would hold a candle to Tim Burton’s Batman. It was the last great summer blockbuster of the 80’s, and it would set the tone for the 90’s.

After Batman claimed the Summer of ‘89, every studio realized what the next big thing would be: adaptations of comic books and video games. The assumption was always that comic books and video games were the lowest forms of entertainment, but both hit it off big time in the time leading up to and following the release of Batman.

One of the properties picked up in the post-Batman rush was Super Mario Bros., the production company Lightmotive met with Nintendo and an agreement was made. The producers originally wanted Danny DeVito to play Mario, Tom Hanks to play Luigi, and either Arnold Schwarzenegger or Michael Keaton to play Koopa. In the end they would settle on Bob Hoskins as Mario, John Leguizamo as Luigi, and Dennis Hopper as King Koopa. Disney would distribute the movie under their Hollywood Pictures banner.

The movie was released to theaters on May 28th, 1993 to critical and commercial failure. Too dark for kids, too childish for adults, it failed to resonate with any audience during its theatrical run. It was released on home video shortly after and faded away into pop culture obscurity, only to be mentioned at video game trivia nights at dive bars.

Problems with the cast and crew, a poorly organized production shoot, and a pair of directors who made repeated changes to the script well into filming resulted in a movie that’s best described as a mess. Supposedly the original vision was a lot better and stayed true to the spirit of the games. The end result is a movie that tried to imitate what was successful before it without understanding what made those movies successful.

Super Mario Bros isn’t a bad movie, like most things people claim are the “worst ever” it’s never as bad as people make it seem. It follows the Mario Brothers, Mario and Luigi, who are plumbers in Brooklyn just trying to get by. One day they bump into Daisy, who’s an archaeologist digging for dinosaur bones in Brooklyn. While out to dinner with the Mario Brothers, Daisy winds up getting kidnapped by King Koopa’s goons, and it's up to Mario and Luigi to save her.

The Mario Brothers head to “Dino-Hatten”, a parallel cyberpunk dystopia ruled by King Koopa. When the meteor killed out the dinosaurs on Earth it didn’t kill them, but sent them to another world where the dinosaurs would evolve into people. The city is covered in fungus and neon signs, and it feels like a real world with thousands of unique individual stories. Stories that would probably be much more interesting than what this movie ended up as.

The cast is legitimately great, there’s no denying that. Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper are some serious big names in acting, and they delivered solid performances. They’re the definition of “doing the best we can with what we have to work with.” The cast have good chemistry together, possibly due to a mutually shared distaste for the directors. There’s also stories about the cast drinking and partying together when they weren’t on set.

Personally speaking, I always loved Super Mario Bros. I rented the video tape as a kid and watched it every day for a week. It’s not a very good movie, it wont ask the important questions and answer them in under two hours, but it is an enjoyable flick. It’s not very true to the source material, but it references the source material enough for me not to mind. It takes the video game storyline and does it’s own thing with it.

In contrast to The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach, Super Mario Bros. doesn’t look so good. The anime film just had so much more to offer in terms of a coherent plot and a cute, self-aware plot, whereas Super Mario Bros. felt like a much bigger film that fell hard. Its funny how widely available the live action Super Mario Bros. movie is when the anime film is so much better. Both movies, however, are great novelty moments in the history of video games, especially the history of Super Mario.

It’s been twenty five years since Nintendo has let anyone adapt their most sacred works, with exceptions for Pokemon and Kirby. This is directly caused by Hollywood’s failure to deliver on a big budget Super Mario Bros. film that would be a critical and commercial success, on the same level or surpassing that of the games. Nintendo’s philosophy has always been to focus on what they do best, and that’s not to say they didn’t try.

In 2015 Nintendo announced a deal with Universal Studios to allow Universal to create a Nintendo themed area in their international theme parks, with an eye on Tokyo and Orlando specifically. This deal opened up speculation as to whether or not Nintendo were trying to get back in bed with Hollywood. In July of 2016 this speculation would be confirmed as it was announced that Universal would be distributing a live action Pokemon movie based on the game Detective Pikachu.

The biggest news to come out of the Nintendo/Universal deal would come in January 2018 with the announcement of Nintendo partnering up with Illumination Entertainment. Illumination is the studio responsible for the Despicable Me series, and now they’re on board to produce a CG animated movie based on the Super Mario Bros franchise. Will it be more successful than the previous attempts? Well, it can’t be any worse at least!

Where to Buy

The Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach (Not Available)

Super Mario Bros. (DVD/Blu-Ray)

Click Here To Support Y2K Fun Zone On Patreon

#Super Mario #Super Mario Anime #Super Mario Movie #Mario #Nintendo #anime #Hollywood Pictures #Disney #Super Mario Bros Super Show #Super Mario Bros The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach

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imjustthemechanic · 6 years

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The Stone Knight

Part 1/? - Two Statues Part 2/? - A Curious Interview Part 3/? - John Doe Part 4/? - Escape Attempt Part 5/? - Making the News Part 6/? - Fallout Part 7/? - More Impossible Part 8/? - The Shield Thieves Part 9/? - Reality Sinks In Part 10/? - Preparing a Quest Part 11/? - The Marvelous History of Sir Stephen Part 12/? - Uninvited Guests Part 13/? - So That’s What It Does Part 14/? - The What and the Where Part 15/? - Gearing Up Part 16/? - Just Passing Through Part 17/? - Dinner with Druids Part 18/? - Kracness Henge Part 19/? - A Task Interrupted Part 20/? - The Red Death Part 21/? - Aphelion Part 22/? - The Stone Giants Part 23/? - Nat the Giant Killer Part 24/? - An Interrogation Part 25/? - Guilt Part 26/? - Rushman’s Brilliant Idea Part 27/? - Hunter in Hiding

Our heroes drop in on their friendly neighbourhood cryptozoologist, who shares an embarrassing secret. Oh, and I tell you where the Grail is, because that was mean.

As they headed south again, under heavy gray skies that threatened rain but never actually delivered on it, Natasha found herself thinking about several different things. The first, of course, was the urgency of finding O’Herlihy. It was reassuring that Sharon had another theory, but the only way to know for sure was to go there, and Nat had an awful mental picture of breaking into the man’s room in the Glenmoriston Arms and finding nothing but another smear of blood. Even if the Red Death hadn’t gotten there ahead of them, he was probably still on his way, and he had an entire secret society behind him while they were just five random people.

She also thought about Allen Rushman. He was going to have to stay with them for the time being, and that was okay as long as they were just visiting libraries, doing Google searches, and driving across the country. What would happen, though, if things came to a fight again? Nat had little doubt they would, and when it happened, Allen would be worse than useless. Somehow, he was going to have to be kept safe. Like any other predator, the Red Death would go after the weakest member of the herd.

Mostly, however, she thought about her theory. It was only a theory at this point – it had popped into her head at the same moment as the shock that seemed to signify the activation of a Grail fragment, but beyond that there wasn’t a lot to support it. It was based on an awful lot of assumptions, none of which she had any evidence for. She hoped she wasn’t just making it up.

Her theory was that since William the Conqueror must have known about the Grail, he would almost certainly have gone looking for it himself. Maybe that was even part of the reason he’d had the Domesday Book put together. An inventory of the entire country would be a great way to get started. If he’d found it, like Sir Galahad he would have learned that it wasn’t nearly as nice an object as the King Arthur stories would have had him believe. He’d therefore taken steps to prevent another man like the Red Death trying to get a hold of it, by wiping out any evidence that it had ever existed.

In the fantasy world this had all happened in, that would be the reason the Grail and the Red Death weren’t mentioned by the chroniclers or recorded in the artworks – the Conqueror hadn’t allowed it. Maybe that was even the reason in the real world. Who the hell would be able to tell after a thousand years? All historians had was the word of their predecessors, and chroniclers were notorious for ‘improving’ their stories or leaving out the parts that didn’t contribute to the axe they wanted to grind. The Goo-Goo Dolls had a song about that, didn’t they? All we are is what we’re told, and most of that’s been lies.

When he’d found the Grail, whether it was on Flotta or somewhere else, William would have moved it. He would want it someplace where he could keep an eye on it, but nobody else could get at it or stumble across it by accident – so he’d built something to protect it. Something that, in his world, could never be dug up or knocked down. Something he would have an excuse for setting his best soldiers to guard, without having to tell them what they were really guarding. A stronghold so secure his descendants would use it as mint, palace, prison, and treasure house, because it was impossible to break in or out.

The Grail was under the Tower of London.

At least, that was the theory. It made internal sense, but Nat wasn’t sure how well it meshed with the outside world, or exactly what aspects of it counted as truth or fantasy. Was it her lie about knowing the answer that had come true, thus placing information in her brain about something that was already true? Or was the theory a lie she had told herself, which had then come true when she believed it would come true? Would somebody searching there a month ago have found anything unusual, or had this whole thing sprung to life as part of Pierce’s thing with the statues? As with the problem of O’Herlihy, there was only one way to know, and that was to go there and see.

Part of Natasha hoped they arrived and found nothing at all. Then they’d know that the Holy Grail didn’t exist and never had, and while that would mean this had all been a colossal waste of time, at least the world would still operate by rules Natasha understood.

They arrived back in Inverness to find it crammed to overflowing with tourists. Word of the Monster had gotten around quickly, and scientists, media, and interested laypeople from all over the world had converged on the city to see for themselves. There was not a hotel room, parking spot, or restaurant table to be had in the entire town, and the Ness Bridge was lined on both sides with people holding binoculars, just waiting for one of the creatures to rear its head.

Things were fortunately quieter in the suburbs where the police station was. The storage room where Zola had broken in and Lipcomb had been killed was still roped off with yellow tape, but the police were beginning to get back into their routine. Sharon headed inside, and asked for the chief.

Chief Fraser was an overweight man with a bushy red and gray mustache, the one who’d shouted at everybody to get back to work when he found them standing around staring at the mess Zola had made of their locker room. He arrived panting for breath, having evidently run from wherever he’d been.

“Carter!” he exclaimed. “I was just wondering what happened to you! Where have you been?”

“Flotta,” Sharon replied. “I was…”

“Flotta? What, with the giants on fire and the Ebola?” The man went white and took a step back from her. “I thought you were working on the Pierce case!”

“I am working on the Pierce case,” said Sharon. “Alexander Pierce is dead. He was murdered by a man called Johann Totenkopf, who threw him out of a helicopter. It’s going to be a hell of a report when I get around to writing it. Before I do that, though, I’m pretty sure the next guy on Totenkopf’s hitlist is Darren O’Herlihy.”

“The previous victim’s brother,” said Chief Fraser.

“Yes!” said Sharon – Nat might not know yet about her theory, but Sharon was clearly delighted that hers was correct. “Please tell me you’ve got him in protective custody!”

Nat glanced around the room, worried. Zola could be here right now, listening… he could well have been with them all the way from Galltair, in the trunk of the car or something. There was no sign of him, but how could they tell for sure?

“He asked for protection,” the Chief agreed. “He said he’d gotten threats from the guy who killed his brother. We’ve got him in a hotel in…”

“Ah! Ah!” Sharon put a hand over his mouth. “Just… don’t tell us out loud. Don’t tell us at all. Take us to him, but don’t say the name of the place. Walls have ears, okay?”

Chief Fraser stared at her a moment and gently reached up and took her hand from his mouth, but he didn’t continue his sentence. He just said, “what’s going on?”

“It’s… let’s just say it’s a conspiracy,” Sharon decided.

“What kind of conspiracy? Are we talking about a three-blokes-get-together-to-murder-the-fourth type of conspiracy? Or a the-queen-is-a-lizard-alien type of conspiracy?”

“I’ll tell you all about it when the case is closed,” Sharon promised. “Right now, just trust me, this is really important.”

The Chief nodded slowly, and pointed a finger at the people behind her. “Who are they?”

“Experts,” said Sharon.

“Experts?” he echoed.

“Yes,” said Sharon. “Dr. Rushman is the archaeologist Mr. Pierce had consulted about this statues. Sir Stephen is an authority on the folklore they were based on. Dr. Wilson is helping me look into the, uh, Ebola thing, and Mr. Rushman here is…” she spent a moment trying to figure out what his role could be, then gave up. “He’s Dr. Rushman’s father. We’ve got to talk to O’Herlihy. At least, four fifths of us need to talk to O’Herlihy.”

“All right.” The Chief sighed. “I trust you, Carter.”

“Thanks,” said Sharon. “That means a lot.”

He shook his head. “Lord knows nobody else seems to know what’s going on.”

The police had put Darren O’Herlihy up at the Mercure Inverness Hotel, which Nat thought was an awfully nice place to be in protective custody. It had five-star dining, a pool, and free wi-fi – the last time Nat had been in protective custody, it had been in a cell in Siberia with only one tiny space heater for her and four other girls. O’Herlihy wasn’t enjoying any of his luxuries, though. He was in his suite with the door locked and the curtains drawn, while two policemen stood guard at his door and another smoked on the balcony. There was a very unseasonable ivy Christmas wreath hanging on the door.

Sharon showed the two cops her badge, then knocked on the door. “Mr. O’Herlihy! I’m Detective Inspector Sharon Carter! I’m looking into your brother’s case. May I come in?”

There was the sound of furniture being moved and a latch being turned, and then the door opened as far as the chain lock would let it. One terrified blue eye, bloodshot with lack of sleep, peeked out.

“Hi.” Sharon tried to smile warmly.

“You were in the helicopter,” said O’Herlihy.

Natasha was surprised he remembered – he must have been really angry with them for stealing his thunder.

“Yes, that’s right,” Sharon said. “It’s been a busy week, hasn’t it? I just need to ask you something.”

Nat pulled the two pendants out of her purse again and held them where he could see them. The round one Sir Stephen had been carrying now had the red gems missing, too, which she decided to take for a good sign. “Your brother gave you something like this, right?” she asked.

O’Herlihy slammed the door again.

Sharon gently pushed Nat’s hand down, then knocked again. “Mr. O’Herlihy, this is important!” she said. “We need to know anything you can tell us about those pendants!”

The door opened again and O’Herlihy’s hand came out, dangling another cross-shaped token on a broken silver chain. This one was also bereft of its red decoration, if it had ever had any.

“Take it,” he said. “I don’t want it anymore.”

Nat would have done so, but Sharon stopped her again. “Where did your brother get that pendant, Mr. O’Herlihy? He had more, right? What did he do with them.”

“Just take it,” O’Herlihy pleaded. “I think it’s bad luck. It gave me a zap a while back, and since then I lost my monster, my brother was murdered, and some little goblin went through my stuff. It’s half the reason I’m hiding in here, please take it away.”

Sharon took the pendant from his hand, then caught his wrist to keep him from closing the door. “Wait. Tell me about the goblin.”

O’Herlihy didn’t answer at first. “If I tell you, will you take it away?”

“Yes,” said Sharon. “I’ll lock it away where you’ll never have to see it again.”

The man took a deep breath. “Mick called me the night before… the night before they killed him. He said there’d been this critter watching him, like a little old man the size of a child. It woke him up in the middle of the night to ask what he’d done with the charms. I figured he dreamed it. I didn’t notice that I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of days because I was busy with my monster, but when I came back to town to get more gear, I found my flat all torn apart, and there’s this little man, just like Mick described him. He disappeared right in front of me, and an hour later the cops showed up and told me Mick’s blood is all over the floor in some warehouse. Whatever those things are, I figure they’ve gotta belong to the Little People. That’s why I’ve got the ivy on the door. Grammy always said it kept the fairies out.”

Under the circumstances, that didn’t seem like a bad idea, Nat thought. They were dealing with creatures from folklore. Maybe folklore could tell them how to fight back. Although they might have better luck if they didn’t use plastic ivy.

“Did the creature ask you about the pendants?” asked Sharon.

“It ripped that one off my neck,” O’Herlihy said. “Then it threw it away and said it was spent, and vanished. There were a bunch of them originally but I don’t know what Mick did with them. He probably old them on eBay, and I don’t have his password so I can’t check.”

“What was his username?” asked Nat. If she had that, she could get into his account easily.

O’Herlihy didn’t answer.

“Did you know it?” Sharon asked.

“Yeah.” O’Herlihy looked embarrassed. “It was Stud-Mick-Muffin,” he said, and shut the door.

Nat kept her face carefully straight. “All right,” she said. “I’m gonna need some equipment, but I can get the names of the buyers.” And if she ever needed an eBay account, she’d remember to pick a username she wouldn’t mind seeing on her tombstone.

#fanfic #natasha romanov #black widow #steve rogers #captain america #sam wilson #falcon #sharon carter #agent 13

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adventure-hearts · 7 years

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Any advice for trying to introduce friends to Digimon? Especially the Adventure-verse?

Great ask! I do have loads of suggestions.

(However, keep in mind that I haven’t actually tested any of these on other humans, because I haven’t talked to IRL friends about Digimonsince primary school. I’m weird.)

Here it goes!

» R’sUnofficial, Untested Guide to Introducing Your Friends to Digimon Adventure «

First, some assumptions:

You’re mainly interested in getting your friends intothe anime side of the franchise, specifically Adventure.

The friends in question have never had any significant contact with the Digimon franchise (or they watched it as children, but have no attachment to it).

They are grown-ups.

They would not just laugh at the suggestion of(re)watching a children’s anime from 1999, as most people would, for somereason.

Arguments

Yes, because before you get your friend in front ofthe computer or the TV or their phone, you have to actually convince them to give Digimon Adventure a chance, and explain why they should spend their precious time with this thing you like instead all the other things they would rather be doing instead.

Here are some reasons you can present them:

It is one of themost well-known animes of all time, globally. It’s just a classic.

It transcendsits genre by far. It has little to do with Pokémon or similar series for boysfeaturing fighting monsters – it’s much more of a character-driven drama withsci-fi, fantasy, horror, and action-adventure elements.

The story isbased on time-tested formulas and so fits into a much wider literarytradition. It’s the hero’s journey mixed with one of the most traditionalscenarios in children’s literature (being transported to a mysterious world).

It’s filled withreferences to pop culture, literature, film, mythology, technology, science, andphilosophy, that elevate it in a grown-up’s eyes.

It discussespretty deep and sometimes dark themes.

You’ll fall inlove with the characters.

It has a greatsoundtrack and voice acting that make up for the dated animation.

It can be prettydamn funny… despite the poop jokes.

The content issurprisingly unproblematic.

It can be a gateto a wider franchise with other anime series, films, video-games, toys, books, music, and even a stage play.

The Digimon fandom is apretty damn cool community.

Use whatever relevantdetail that will convince your friend to like it. Try to connect the series to theirindividual interests. It could be something as simple as “Voice Actor X is on it!”, but don’t be afraid to go personal or dark!

And once you’ve actually convinced them to give Digimon a chance, it’s time to decide how you’re going to get started.

Strategies

1. Start with one of the Hosoda movies.

I think this isactually the easiest way to introduce someone to this franchise.

Not only are Movies1 and 2 short and accessible, but they also require little to no context or time commitment. Moreover, they’re one of the few Digimon products that can actuallybe considered artistic – they’re beautifully animated and Mamoru Hosoda is an extremely respectedfilm director.

Our War Game is probably the more entertaining of the two, and you have theconnection to Summer Wars that givesit some further cred. It also has the bonus of introducing you to the maincast. Don’t worry about the backstory: If your friend likes it, you can show themmore later.

2. Start with Episode 21 of Adventure.

It is a truthuniversally acknowledged that the first two arcs of Adventure are asentertaining as watching paint dry. Don’t make a newbie sit through them on afirst watch.

Sure, thoseearly episodes are great at introducing the characters and explaining how theworld works and have some pretty iconic moments. We know that. But if you start from thebegining, I guarantee that you’ll lose your friend before Devimon even makesan appearance. “But they will miss so much!”, you may be thinking. You canfill in the basic details, and if your friend ends up liking the show, they’ll haveplenty of time to go back later and catch up.

Episode 21 maybe a good starting point precisely because it’s such an outlier and a turning point in the story. Again, there’s the Mamoru Hosodaconnection – it’s the best animated episode in the series, by far – and thatstrange, nostalgic mood that somehow captures the best this universe has tooffer. It’s an interesting starting point.

After Taichi goes to Odaiba and back, the plot runsmuch more smoothly. The remainder of the Crests arc is more than enough tointroduce you to the characters, the relationships between them, and how theworld works. And then you plunge right into the Vamdemon and Dark Masters Arcs, which are easily the best parts of DigimonAdventure.

3. Start with tri.

I’m ambivalent about this strategy because tri. isn’tfor everyone – in fact, it has many of the same pacing problems of theoriginal series. But tri. is made to revive interest in Adventure and to coverall the bases – devoted fans, fans who haven’t watched it in ages, or evenpeople who barely remember the previous series. This may be the best option for people who still have some vague recollections of watching Digimon as a kid.

For some people, it may seem less daunting to start witha modern, 20-episode anime series instead of a 50-episode series from the1990s. If they like tri. and are curious about its background, then they’ll bemuch more motivated to go back to the original series. In fact, perhaps not having that background will makemany of tri.’s problems seem less obvious?

Alternatively, you run the risk of your frienddisliking the first few episodes of tri. or just feeling completely lost orbored, which will turn them off Digimon forever. That’s why this is a risky option,so it depends on your friend’s personality and what you feel their tastes are.

Bonus: Out-of-the-box strategies

4. Start with 02.

I know, I know. Sounds bonkers. But hear me out.

I know multiplepeople who got truly hooked on this universe via 02 – including myself. I hadwatched Adventure as a small kid, but it was the debut of 02 (when I was a bitolder), that made be want to dive deeper into things, and urged me to revisit Adventure. 02 simply has this je ne sais quois,especially in the first half, that makes it really fun, compelling viewingexperience for a newbie.

Moreover, 02 is the opposite of Adventure: it peaks inthe first half and it has better pacing at the start. By episode 4, the plot hasbegan in earnest and you know all the characters and the antagonist. You evenget mentions of backstory, the charismatic older characters, and an almostmythical aura around “the previous adventure”, which can be enough to make you want to re-watch Adventure right away.

02 has its share of problems, but, like tri., watchingit without comparing it to all the things Adventure did better can actually bean advantage. And getting introduced to Digimon Adventure asa prequel to 02 could make it lookeven better.

Think of this as the Machete order of the Adventureuniverse. Unorthodox, but it can actually make it more satisfying for newpeople.

5.Start with other Digimon series.

Not my favourite optionm since I think the Adventureuniverse is so crucial that its more interesting to watch it first and then goto the series that deconstruct it or homage it in some way.

However, this is alwaysan option, especially if you know your friend’s taste would be more in tunewith other series. Just be careful with what you pick. Digimon Tamers and Appmonwould be solid introductions to the franchise. Xross Wars or X-Evolution? Probablynot a great idea.

6. Start with video games.

This is more directed to those friends who are obsessedwith gaming and have limited time for other media (we all know the type). The Adventure-related games may be a goodway of getting them attached and curious enough to check the original anime.

Alternatively,the newer, high quality Digimon games (like Cyber Sleuth) could be an effectiveway of making the franchise more appealing for hardcore gamers.

Don’ts

These are strategies that I would NOT recommend (although in some cases, Isuppose any of them could work):

Starting withthe English dub (sorry: you know I feel strongly about this issue) or, godforbid, Digimon: The Movie. Original version all the way.

Starting withfanfiction, analysis, or the fandom in general. Let them form their ownopinions first!

Hyping theseries too much or being super-extra about it.

Bribing or blackmailing.

I hope this helps! Feel free to test these suggestionsand give me some feedback on wether they worked or not.

And if anyone has more ideas, please share! We all wantto make this stupid franchise more known to the world :)

#asks #digimon #reference #digimon adventure

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