#i really don't understand what compelled people to go this hard for this horrible man

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

if Sakharine was real the first thing I'd want him to do is kill D*pp

#the real kind of seduction #PLEASE I AM TIRED OF THIS MAN'S BULLSHIT EXISTENCE #i really don't understand what compelled people to go this hard for this horrible man #like...what??? #what force made you do this??? #anti depp #bro there's things i'm obsessed with that i wouldn't lose my shit and be the worst person alive over it #sakharine #vent #rant #fictional crushes #ivan ivanovitch sakharine #the adventures of tintin #favourite films #abuse tw #the worst part is hearing so much shit about it and people crying about it #and how it's amber's fault because of course you think it is #like i'm the one here getting on with my life #but they're still going nuts saying the weirdest shit imaginable #about some washed up bitter piece of shit that wouldn't fuck them #like who has the sadder life here?

[myths-tournaments]

Awful Characters Round 1 Part 2 (2/8)

Propaganda under the cut!

MORI OGAI

Yes, he's a horrible person but gd is it cool to see him get serious. I'm excited every time he shows up. Traumatised like The important character in the series and also multiple others. I still like him. He is canonically a pedophile so… understandable why people hate him but also he's fictional and a great character. And yeah, every time he gets brought up people will in fact get called bad for liking him.

BENNY

The first thing that happens in new vegas is that benny fucking shoots your character in the face, steals your shit and leaves you in an open grave. Benny is by all accounts a bastard. He kills you, steals from you, he killed his last boss, he is the single most duplicitous man around. His gang are all about honesty- except him. He's a lying, cheating bastard. The guys who helped him catch you? He skipped on paying them and left them to get shot to death. His new boss, mr.house? He stole his robot, broke it open, got someone to reprogram it and decided to use it to TAKE OVER THE WHOLE OF VEGAS. Benny literally kills people, lies to people, steals their shit and takes charge. That's all benny does. He gets fucking CRUCIFIED if you don't help him out just because so many people fucking hate him. And yet. And yet. Benny is the single most compelling character in the whole game to me. He's just a little guy! He's just there! You can get shot in the head and come back and he goes "what in the goddamn" and then if you try and flirt with him he's like "uhhh sure? Okay?" And leaves you a polite note in the morning. He's fancy. He wears a stupid suit. He has a tiny gun with shitty bullets. He's catholic. He talks like an old timey news presenter. Literally nobody else in the entire game does that. He's got an intelligence of 3. He's my funtime boy. My silly little man. He's so funny. The antagonist in this game is a guy dressed like a tablecloth who looks at all times like a confused dog who doesn't understand what a tv is. And like. He's compelling. He robs from you, shoots you, but…. he never seems to actually wish you harm. He kills and robs and lies but like. He apologises for doing it to you. When he sees you again he doesn't attack you, he's just… confused. He tries to defuse the situation. You can convince him to talk to you, alone, with no guards and it's not that hard. If you spare his life, he doesn't go after you, like. Even if you sleep with him he doesn't take advantage of that and kill you, even if you try to. He… he just leaves. He gives you an apology. If he gets kidnapped by Caesar He just… apologizes again. He tells you his whole plan to take over the city, too. He thinks he'll die, and he wants something of him to survive. He's happy that you made it. And if you let him free, he just… leaves. He knows he's beat, he doesn't want to cause any more trouble. He walks out and leaves. The NCR will kill you if you cross them. The legion will crucify you. House? He'll blow you the fuck up. But benny, the guy who lies and cheats and schemes, he's honest. He's polite. He's… harmless. You can kill him with a single shot if you want. And he can't kill you. He doesn't kill you the first time, and he'll never really hurt you again. Benny just wanted to win. When he knows he's beat he just leaves. No lingering, no harm, he's off, off into the desert heat, and never seen again. Isn't that just insane? like have you ever known an antagonist so polite? He just leaves!! He offers you a drink!! His plan is genuinely probably the best one for the people of new vegas!!! He's. Benny is Benny.

Anyway if you want to see some REAL propaganda go to the blog @letmebegaytodd and look in the #benny tag. You'll Understand < https://www.tumblr.com/letmebegaytodd/717051175751614464/in-another-life-i-wouldve-really-liked-just> <- look at this shit man

pollrunner's note: yet again another case of ''it's all supposed to be one quote block, but tumblr hates me''

#awful characters tournament #tournament poll #awful characters round 1 #bungou stray dogs #bsd #mori ougai #bsd mori #fallout new vegas #benny gecko #benny fnv

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Ahhhhh, a case of tumblr's "how dare you say we piss on the poor" reading comprehension, once again found in the wild. I don't think I've ever seen you call Ganondorf a good guy, or misunderstood. From what I've seen you, and anons, say you'd wish there had just been more depth to him. Very different than "secretly misunderstood uwu baby" not like him having an actual personality and story would have negated him being a horrible person. A character born from misunderstanding and hardship, can still turn into an unquestionable monster and villain.

Oh well, I mean the thing is, it's the kind of position that it's hard to argue with once you already made your point. Not everybody just... has the tools to understand the actual argument too, which I mean, it's why I think it's important to talk about themes and cultural shortcuts and the history of tropes on top of the general history, because in many cases it needs to be actively sought for.

And yes, I think what bugs me with this whole thing is... Like, wouldn't it make for a better story? Just, pushing all of the more sensitive reasoning of representation to the side (even though it's not neutral to constantly demonize men of color or render them lovingly stupid, which does remain a pattern in the series), wouldn't the story gain more momentum and investment if the bad guy had compelling motivations that made sense (and I'm not even saying they have to go all poor little meow meow, they could just be: why is Power a good thing for him)? I honestly don't see what it would remove, I only see advantages to making Ganondorf slightly more complex, and I don't really understand the opposition to that. Are you guys like... okay with the most generic anime man motivations known to mankind spurred out of his mouth in a way that is basically completely indistinct from any other generic baddie out there? Like is this peak quality? Can't we be like "Nintendo, your game is great, but you kind of cheesed this thing a lot of people expected you to handle better and with more thoughtfulness, like I'm not sure I would have been able to tell if you had gotten Chat GPT to write this instead of an actual person, and your unwillingness to take narrative risks is getting a little concerning. TotK is a very fun game, but maybe reinvest in the narrative department next time because it was not the best you could do and you probably know this"

And like... for this to be a normal and reasonable opinion to have and share?

I don't know, the defensive atttitude about Nintendo when their games are faced with extremely mild complaints all things considered is just an extremely puzzling phenomenon to me.

#asks #thoughts #ganondorf #totk #totk critical #when will my brain return from the imprisoning war... #thanks for the ask! #I mean it was short-lived and people are entitled to their opinion #but well so am I I suppose? #(again... still weirded out that no writers were credited in the end credits) #(or maybe I missed them but I was searching for them to get a sense of size) #((and a sense of turnaround also like is this reasonable for X persons to have written this game in 6 years and if not where are the rest)) #((credits in the videogame industry is BAD bad bad and knowing in which ways can tell you a lot about a production)) #((but here they're just???? not present??))

[cakegatedisaster]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

NnnggaAAAA

I hope you understand how exceptionally difficult this question is. But alas, I will try my best.

Ten characters are a lot and I have no way of rating them, so I'm going to talk about my favorite 9 characters, then my favorite of all time.

10. Magnus Bane, from the Shadowhunters series and TV show. I love this man. SO MUCH. He is an immortal warlock with a soft spot for black hair and blue eyes. Those books were some of the first YA I ever read, and Magnus and Alec, his husband, we're the first queer relationship I became obsessed with.

9. Percy Jackson, my king. This man. God how I love this man. Percy was my first favorite character in any media. When I first read PJO, I aped through those books in a week, then the next series, then the next. Today, I've read all those books and own each physical copy. When the TV show comes out, I do NOT apologize for the person I will become.

8. Bryan Stark, from the DRAMA series by Paul Ruditiz. I have never seen someone online talk about these books, and it's a damn shame. Read the first two when I was in 6th grade, and since then I've reread the series more times than I can count. Bryan is just such an entertaining character. The author managed to make him gay without making that all his character is. Such an underrated book.

7. Kaz Brekker. Sigh. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a thing for traumatized men, and this boy fits the bill. He's just. I don't have the words. He is so smart, which automatically makes a person a great character for me, but he's also so mean, which makes me love him more. He cares so much about his love, but has no clue how to display that. Which is my type. I have issues. And of course Six of Crows is one of my all time favorite books.

6. Draco Malfoy. Okay, I know there's some major controversy with anything dealing with Harry Potter stuff, which I get, but that will not stop me from enjoying content about the characters. Now, it's not so much canon Draco that I enjoy as much as it is FANON Draco. His character got smugged horribly in the original material, and I love seeing people's interpretations of him as a character outside of what he was written as. I ship him with Harry, and the amount of fanfiction that I have consumed is ridiculous at this point.

5. Klaus Mikaelson, from the Originals. I watched Vampire Diaries, liked it, but my favorite character from that show was Klaus. There's just something about a man who's willing to rip out the hearts of hundreds of people for his family, for his child, that just hits right in my brain. Love this man with all my heart.

4. Andrew FUCKING Minyard, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone knows he was going to be up here somewhere. Many are likely shocked he's not at number one. A year ago, he would've been. When I read All for the Game, I really was not expecting so much to come out of it. I formed my entire Tumblr personality around it, read millions of words of fanfiction, and wrote MY first fanfiction for the series. I've daydreamed hours and hours of content that will never actually see the light of day, used it in school assignments. And the entire time, I loved one Andrew Minyard. Again, big thing for the traumatized boys, and my God does this poor thing take the cake. He's one of the most interesting, compelling, and agonizing characters I've seen in any fictional media.

3. Laurent De Vere, from the Captive Prince trilogy. Oooof, finally in the top three's. Debating between him and Andrew for this spot was so hard, but ultimately, I feel like the author fleshed Laurent's character out more. This man is so goddamn smart. And I would jump in front of a train for pretty petty bitchy smart sad characters. This series had the misfortune of being read a month before aftg, so it was sadly swept up in the storm that came after it. But now, looking back and remembering the experience of reading those books for the first time, I just keep thinking about how often I had to put my book down, or risk throwing it across the room, that's how insane those books are. I love this sad boy and all his trauma.

2. Bruce Wayne, or Batman. GOD this is hard. But I've been a Batman lover since I was a little girl. This man has some major issues, and a dependency on a fur suit and children decorated in circus colors. He has a weird queer-coded relationship with a killer clown. His character shifts so much that between one comic issue and the next I can go from wanting to strangle him to wanting to hug him tight and never let go. I don't think I could fix him, and I don't think there's much making him worse, but maybe I could get him into therapy???

1. Jason. Todd. The Red Hood. My baby, my child, the love of my life. Sigh. First place was never a question for me; even growing up with Batman, Jason was a more recent discovery and one I'm thankful for every day. This boy was sold to a mass murderer clown by his mother, beaten near death with a crowbar, and blown to bits. He was brought back, only to find out that his adopted dad not only didn't avenge him but changed absolutely nothing, putting another kid in the exact same spot he was in. Oh yeah, and being brought back required a trip into a nasty green pit that screwed up his head. And now, video games are making him look 40, comic writers KEEP killing him, no one can decide what his whole thing is supposed to be, and they gave him a FUCKING CROWBAR TO PATROL GOTHAM WITH. WHAT THE FUCK. So yeah, Jason needs some love.

And that's ten of my favorite characters in no particular order. As I'm finishing this, I'm thinking of like 20 other characters who could've gone on this list, but I'm happy with this for now.

Thank for the ask!

#magnus bane #the shadowhunter chronicles #aftg #andrew minyard #asks #neil josten #jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #batman #draco malfoy #harry potter #laurent de vere #captive prince #vampire diaries #the originals #klaus michaelson #six of crows #kaz brekker #percy jackson #pjo #drama #paul ruditiz

[thrandilf]

viren is my fav BECAUSE of the terrible horrible bad decisions he makes like sometimes when everyone is telling you to calm the fuck down it might be a good ideia to stop and listen idk

love to see your posts on my dash, reminds me that I'm not crazy cause like, there's people out there genuinely saying Viren Never Did Anything Wrong??? and missing like the glorious irony that is how in his effort to help humanity he killed and/or maimed its leaders, led 4 of 5 of their armies into Xadia WITHOUT A PLAN and then let the shady motherfucker he met 3 days ago turn all soldiers into brainless lava monsters like my man, my good sir, you wanted to help so bad, but the damage you caused was probably the worst thing that happened to humankind since what, the mage wars?

everyday eating sand over the fact you could make the tag Viren Tries His Best (it's really the worst for everyone involved) and it's the most canon thing one could say about him :)

Hi anon! Yeah I feel like. I keep seeing rly Extreme views of Viren when even though he is a villain, there's nuance there and a lot of people find him sympathetic, yet he is still a Villain. He planned a coup and tried to get the rightful heirs to the throne killed aka his best friend's children. I sfysuegfkwgfkugwefy

He's a great example of everyone thinking they're the hero of their own story. I think the novels especially let people see/confirm what's going on inside his mind. I don't agree with him on many things, but I understand how he got where he did and that's what makes him compelling to me. The way someone both so driven by a personal sense of justice and who has a calculating nature can still make so many mistakes is really interesting.

When Zubeia talks about Aaravos preying on human mages, "...people who had strong minds, and strong hearts, but who had an insatiable thirst, and fascination with magic" the camera panned to Callum but that was also word for word about Viren. Callum and Viren are so similar and the lines drawn between the positions they have had as high mage and as brother either literally or "like" a brother to their king is setting them up to have an even more prominent foil as the show goes on.

So I often find myself torn between the "Viren is an unsympathetic demon who also hates his family" crowd vs the "Viren should have been the show's protag and he's a better man than Harrow and the show has just done him Dirty by portraying his actions as wrong" crowd because I don't think either is correct LMAO.

Viren gets a full heroic cycle and he is a compelling character but like sergbeylgrfyeh it's fine to not have binary opinions, it's what the show is going for, I believe, to have things be complicated/hard to swallow given all of the trolley problems TDP poses, and it's not smth I see a lot of good faith engagement abt in general.

Like I think it's fine to not like Viren, but ppl don't have to throw canon out the window/make him worse to justify it. Feelings about fictional characters don't have to be justified or morally "correct" and idk, it's probably not specifically tdp as much as that is a Fandom struggle at large

#idk that i wanna tag this ppl could rb if they wanted but yeah #ask

[koraesrambles]

The Watchmen

The Great Reading Adventure Part 3!

It's time for the Watchmen, guys and hooooooooboy did I have a lot of expectations going into this one. Buckle up!

The Writing

I took notes the entire time I was reading this. It's only 12 issues long, so I decided to read it in its entirety.

I didn't like the first little bit. Don't get me wrong, I could see the crumbs in there, and I could see why people were drawn to it, but as far as gripping premise that pulls you in, it was a little lackluster to me. There were interesting moments in the beginning, but I didn't really become invested until Issue 9, which is 3/4 of the way through the story.

That said, once these guys gripped me, they GRIPPED ME. Issue 9 was beautiful, by far my favorite issue of the whole thing.

Part of the reasons things were confusing to me was because all of the "good guys" kept being compared to far right wing extremists and Nazis. Like, Rorschach is definitely supposed to become cooler and cooler throughout the books, and be kind of the moral backbone in a lot of ways. But like . . . I dunno. Hard to sympathize with someone who repeatedly got called a Nazi and blamed the dedregation of society on jews and communists. Like, I get it was the 80s, but the people in universe who defended him also defended the KKK. I just . . .I'm not down with that. I can't make myself think he's the good guy.

However, I had no idea that the famous quote "None of you understand. I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me." Came from the Watchmen. That moment . . . man. It gave me absolute chills. It was excellently built up to and brilliantly executed. I loved it. If I EVER have a moment in my writing career where I hit people as hard as that, I'll have more than achieved my dreams.

I also think that they pretty much nailed the ending. At least the atmosphere and feeling that I think they were going for. That horrible, sick feeling that the day is saved but actually everything is ruined and all it'll take is another day for everything to have been for nothing. It was a powerful ending, I liked it a lot.

That said, I did not like Adrian's solution. Maybe it's because I've lived through Covid, maybe because it's been 40 years since this was written and some tropes have been done more than others, but pretending an alien threat is coming in order to unite the world just . . . I dunno. It didn't hit for me. I didn't feel compelled by it. I get the reasons he did it, I understand what the writer was going for, I even can acknowledge that it does the job. But it felt incredibly lackluster to me, and not worthy of the really fun villain they had made to execute it.

The Art

The art is better than anything I am currently capable of, and I want to acknowledge that first, but also admit I didn't love it. It's ugly, which of course was by design. This is not a pretty story, it's not meant to give you warm and fuzzies. It also very much is in the style of many other comics I've seen from the 80s, which is just one I'm not as fond of. It did the job, but isn't something I'll be combing over looking for ways to emulate it.

The way the panels were laid out was also interesting to me. It was very repetative, just multiple square panels in a row. I imagine that this is also a result of being from the 80s, and as comics evolved so did the many different layouts, but it was kind of comforting to me as well. If it serves the story best to just have four panels in a row exactly the same size and shape to tell your story, by all means do it. I didn't even notice anymore once the story picked up for me.

As far as things I can learn from the art? Perspectives and the use sof perspectives were MASTERFULLY done here. Both with zooming in on specific details or zooming out. How it was used for emphasis. How it made you feel sick when something horrible was being said and something as mundane as the side of a coffee pot was being shown. It was truely masterful. It also helped make long conversations more interesting.

The Characters

This is probably where I have the most thoughts. The characters in this story are INTERESTING, full caps definitely needed. I mentioned in the writing section that it was kind of hard to root for the main characters when they were being compared to Nazis all the time. But over time they did grow to, at the very least, compel me, even if I still didn't "like" them.

My favorite character probably ended up being Laurie, who out of all of them seems to be the least crappy person. Not that she wasn't crappy, but she was at least trying, you know? I also liked her as Jon's tether to humanity. I feel like she was the audience surrogate in a lot of ways.

Jon was extremely fun, but it creeps me out that humans are like ants to him and he was having sex with them? I dunno, maybe it's the ace in me, but I don't understand when things like that happen. I love that he killed Rorschach at the end, I think that was absolutely the right call. I like how they showed us who he was and how he thought, all compelling and interesting.

Rorschach himself could be very cool one minute and a scum bag the next. He's an excellent character, but I'm glad he died. I think I'm supposed to be glad though. I also think he's the most clever of any of the characters. Not the smartest, but the most clever. He dies, but he's the only one who really wins in the end.

Dan was . . . he was fine. He felt like a knock-off batman and was by far the least interesting of all the characters to me personally. He was a good foil for Rorschach AND Laurie. He didn't compel me much though. That said, there was absolutely a lingering hand holding thing between him and Rorschach where i was like . . . "Are they implying something? what's happening here?"

This was after they revealed that two of the old superheroes were gay and a bunch of weird examples of homosexual couples and I just . . . I'm not imagining things here, am I? I thought things were going to go in a very different direction for a second.

Adrian as a character was utterly uninteresting until he was hypercompetant and defeated all of the "good guys" saving the world by essentially doing a really big trolley problem (greater good, and all that.) That said, nothing is sexier than a competant villain. I was on his side by the end, honestly.

The other background characters were all fairly well fleshed out and interesting. A lot of the women ended up being a little 2 dimensional, but every once in a while they'd surprise me. Almost everyone felt like a horrible person, or like they were just waiting to become a horrible person. They were all good characters even if they weren't good people.

Final Thoughts

I could write pages upon pages of analysis on this comic run. Which would probably be me just repeating what people much cooler and smarter than me have already said. I didn't get into the ways it's aged poorly or the homophobia littered throughout it. But, even with flaws, it was absolutely worth the read, if only to understand how it influenced the rest of the comic world. I understand other comics better now because I've read this one.

Concrete things I learned to apply to my own work:

Take advantage of differing perspectives, both to emphasize important background details and as a way to keep the audience engaged during long dialgoue.

If you need to put a few square panels in a row to get your point across, do it. Why fix what ain't broke?

Your characters don't necessarily have to be likeable to be compelling. You can make terrible people still worth reading about.

#Reading analysis #Reading challenge #100 top comic books #the watchmen #the watchmen read through #rorschach #doctor manhattan #nite owl #silk spectre #This was a lot of fun #tedius at the beginning #but I got over it #reading through all these amazing comics has been so much fun

[transgalthoughts]

I was fucking tortured by my Mum growing up. It damaged and destroyed me so so much. And she could get away with it BECAUSE she was a woman and I was seen as a man. Even when I was 15 the accusation that I was mean to her and didn't care about the fact she was having a hard time was more compelling to authority figures that I was a piece of shit than evidential proof that she was an alcoholic who abused me physically and emotionally extensively and repeatedly.

This fucking ruined me. And it made me an easy target in the future. I got manipulated and abused and treated like fucking shit by future partners in similar ways cos they KNEW I was susceptible to it.

But from the very beginning. Even as young as 12 I knew that I could never get away with the fuck all women rhetoric. I had to become self aware incredibly INCREDIBLY quickly about the nuances involved in everything and treat everyone as an individual. I could never boil it down to FUCK THIS GENDER BECAUSE THIS GENDER AND HOW THIS GENDER HAS TREATED ME IS WHOLLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE MISERY IN MY LIFE. Because you don't get to do that against women. Of you do you are seen as the abuser, regardless of your history past or context, everyone hears that and goes *wow, that person is a piece of ahit who deserves all the horrible things that caused them to think this way*. But if you go through that exact fucking same stuff as a girl then suddenly you do get to do that. And I hate it, I hate that I have to sit here evenhandedly being like *oh hey maybe my agab isn't purely evil because of your personal experiences with it* because that is the closest I can ever get to trying to process what I went through. I hate my life and I really just

Would like to fucking die sometimes.

Why can't I just be angry at the world the same way a girl whose Dad and ex boyfriends have treated them like shit gets to be. Why do I have to be the bigger fucking person who goes *oh no I understand what made them that way, poor them, but also it sucked that I was abused* WHENEVER I TALK ABOUT IT. I HATE IT. I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SCREAM AND CRY ABOUT THE SUFFERING I HAVE EXPERIENCED BUT I CAN'T, I HAVE TO FUCKING MONITOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED AND BE HURT AND SCARED AND DAMAGED, BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE SEE A SCARED AND DAMAGED MAN OR EVEN TRANS WOMAN THEY DON'T SEETHEM AS SOMETHING DEAERVING OF FIXING, THEY JUST WANT THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE ELSE TO BE FAR AWAY WHEN IT DESTROYS ITSELF.

I wish I were dead.

[aggravatetheaxe]

What’s your favorite things about pickles and what are some of ur headcanons of him?? ^_^

it's hard to pinpoint what I like about pickles specifically... I had no idea he'd be my favorite when I started, something about him just pulled me in. I think it's just something about his charm? idk, he just had such good vibes for me. here are some of my favorite things about him:

his character design. his height combined with those specific piercings and the mess that is his hair gives him such CHARACTER and it's really compelling. idk. i like his piercings so much i'm getting them for myself :)

his accent. whose idea was that. it's amazing... and so fun to do

his breakdowns. they're so relatable and realistic. his attitude drew me to him but Rehabklok (i watched them all out of order) solidified my love. the just... abject despair and the desperate exasperation, almost incredulity... "i know this is gonna screw me up. i KNOW it is. I KNOW it is" "WHY DO I HAVE TO I HATE HIM WHY CAN'T I JUST-" "this is SO STUPID. THIS IS SO STUPID" and his bemused, betrayed expression when nathan says "hey, chill out, he's your brother" and the way he's shaking and fucked up during dethwedding, the way he tries to jump fences and escape ...where does he think he's going... god relatable....simply amazing. ugh

the fact that he's a fucking animal but he really is the voice of reason sometimes. he starts plenty of fights himself but often voices the "don't get PHYSICAL with people!" type sentiment. like idk it just speaks of a concern for his friends where when it comes to himself he's more reckless

"tonight, i'm gonna burn down the garage." need i say more?

the way he gets all pink when he's drunk............adorable

i feel like he and i would really understand each other musically. i am really into 70s and 80s music, as well as some 60s guitarists and songwriters

snb pickles in anything axl rose ever wore...................wow

man just his entire family dynamic speaks to me so much. my sister is not a horrible person like seth is but she really has her moments, and our parents...........whew. it's HARD to be doing the best you can, to be successful in your own opinion, but nothing you do can possibly impress your parents. like he will literally always be a failure to his mother and father no matter what he does and that's so very relatable

his cut off shirt. his sweatbands. the fact that he wears sneakers and his feet are so teeny. amazing showstopping never before seen one of a kind

his eye shape is so very interesting. sorry i know that's just more about his character design but fuck i REALLY love his character design, he has such interesting elements

just.. how reserved he is when he's angry. he blows up around the guys but those are his guys, you know? he's just gets so quiet and seething when he's angry with no safe outlet. and. same

he's trans gender :^)

his voice? HELLO??

angry face

i'm sure i'm forgetting something i love about him but idk it's just because everything about him is literally my favorite. he's just... my favorite <3

as for headcanons WHERE DO I EVEN START...

#pickles #pickles the drummer #metalocalypse #thank you for the ask btw!!!

[immortal-enemies]

this would probably be an unpopular opinion but i don't understand how everyone seems to sympathise so much with grace

yes, tatiana was abusive and she didn't deserve to have the kind of childhood she did - but does that really make her "a great character that needs a redemption arc" though? She's done a lot of awful things (explaining in detail is tiring but i think we all get the gist lol) and not everything was because she was simply forced to. This one is based on personal preference but i really don't think she has that much of a personality either.

something common I see is "she would be a lot more loved if she was a man" and while i agree, i honestly think she would also be criticised a lot more by the fandom. So many of the m characters have the "they're terrible because they had a bad childhood/was abused and didn't actually want to be awful" trope and the fandom is critical of them (as they should). But why is it different with grace?

I'm not trying to invalidate other's opinions but i just find it hard to agree with her getting a redemption arc. I'm fine with people liking her character, I guess it's more of when they try to justify what she did and excuse her actions? also sorry this is so long 😅

Hey!! Absolutely no problem!! This was, for lack of a better word, interesting to read.

Alright, I'm sorry that this took so long to answer, but I was considering exactly HOW I was going to answer.

So, I'm turning this ask into a ask/rant. Under the cut is my current, unedited, written at 12:00 am, honest opinions on Grace and ig Tatiana, keep in mind that I am, I guess, “anti grace blackthorn” so this isn’t full of defenses for her, quite the opposite, in fact. Read at your own risk (fair warning, it’s long), but since no one will probably read it anyway, idk.

Yes, after CoI that is an unpopular opinion. No, I don't understand it much either. To a certain degree.

One of the things I think that people seem to forget/overlook/ignore is that, despite everything, Grace still had a choice. She decided to give in and spend years abusing a young boy. Tatiana is abusive, but that will never change the fact that, at the end of the day, Grace still had a choice. And yes, I understand why she did it. She was in a horrible place, mentally and physically, but she still decided. No amount of arguing will change that fact. It's her life, it's her choice.

Yes, she did do horrible things without needing to. Her power in to compel/control men. She didn't have to kiss Matthew and use it as some sort of blackmail, but she did. She actually had no reason to other then some personal reason. She could have made Mathew forget. In CoI Grace claims that Matthew would have forgotten the kiss anyway, so why do it in the first place?

That's one of the problems I have with how CC wrote Grace. She had to make the one girl abusing a boy be because she didn't want to show her young female audience that they can be abusive too. Women can be just as abusive as men, and TSC is an awful example of that. Looking at all of the abusive characters who were like that simply for their own possible benefit, the ratio of men to women in that is completely off balance. Not saying it has to be equal, but I'm fairly certain Grace would be the only female character abusing a male character for her own personal gain, while adding a character to her (yes, I also agree that she has none.) not necessarily a character to look up to, but she's not that in canon either.

Now, a point on Tatiana: Tatiana is a character who was driven to be crazy by severe trauma, grief and mental illness, and is portrayed as one of the main villains of the series because of what those factors led her to become. It's also used as a plot point that "she could have reached out to anyone in her family; they were willing to help." So you're telling me that she's the villain because she didn't reach out to the people who, in her point of view, murdered her father, husband and son? ESPECIALLY in the 1800-1900's? That ain't it. We all know that the Shadowhunter families, and Shadowhunters in general, are not responsible for this, but when you look for someone to blame, especially in a horrific mental state, that could very easily be the only thing you hold on to. To be clear: I'm not defending her. Going back to my Grace point, she DID still have a choice in who she became, but I hate how people go "UwU Grace" and then "Tatiana is the bad one 😡" when they're very similar.

Now, onto your last point: gender.

Yikes, touchy subject in fandom.

Yes, if Grace was a man, she would be much more liked from the beginning. But also, if she was a man, then the Grace stans probably wouldn't BE Grace stans, and would hate him relentlessly and criticize and hate. One of the main reasons that people excuse her so much are because she's a girl who's abusive to a boy!! And like, boy's can't BE abused. ESPECIALLY by women, right? I mean, THEY'RE always the abusers!! (/s)

Something else: Christopher.

Alright. This isn't very big, but people praise Grace for not controlling Christopher in CoI. That's horrible. You don't praise people and say "UwU so cute couple goals!" at the fact that she didn't do something absolutely awful to him.

A general criticism of YA is how, in general, m/f relationships are portrayed in a kind of stereotypical/abusive way? Like, you have the guy who, in absolutely NO way can call out/say ANYTHING negative about their female love interest, and are often portrayed as afraid of them. That's... Ew. And then you have the girl who is a badass mf who gets some sick pleasure out of scaring the "love of their life"? Ew. But it's also always said that that's what a relationship should be, and I'm not saying that that's what young girls are going to look up to/expect a relationship to be like, but fiction does affect reality. And honestly for a while I was genuinely terrified at being in a relationship because I didn't want to treat a guy how these girls in YA do. That was mostly unrelated, but I thought of it while thinking of a response to this ask so it's gonna be included.

Anyway, it does beg the argument: what would I have done in Grace's position? What was she supposed to do in such a difficult situation? Well. A mere year ago I would have said "I wouldn't have done it" but know that I would if I was broken down enough, especially at the age Grace was when she got her power. But now, I can easily and honestly say, that I would not agree to anything Grace did. If I was put in her position, I would venomously refuse.

There was more I wanted to say, but like, no one is reading this anyway do like-

#ANYWAY- #thank you for the ask!!! 💖💖 #sorry for derailing it 😭 #tw all caps #tw caps in tags #tw abuse #anti grace blackthorn #anti gracetopher #anti cc #anti cassandra clare #asks #anon #jenny rants

[yieldfruit]

i’m currently trying to overcome sexual temptation & acts—i find that these are the main things that enemy uses to pull me down and i find that i relapse a lot when it comes to sexual sin. Things like masturbation and sexual thoughts. It’s very strange because i don’t watch porn and i actually find it quite disturbing, however, that’s doesn’t deny the fact that sometimes my flesh tries to tempt me into watching it.

I’ve read some christian articles and devotionals to try and find some answers. A lot of them talk about how this addiction may stem from sexual trauma or lack of certain nurturing when young, but i feel a bit ashamed considering I’ve grown up in a loving christian family and i’ve still fallen into such a horrible trap of the enemy and I relapse all the time although i so desperately want to escape it because I know with all my heart God has such great plans for me and the Devil knows the potential I have so he’s using this to hold me back. I know this and yet i still sin, it makes me very frustrated.

I find that many of the devotionals and articles i read say that you need someone to hold you accountable. But the thing is, i’m too ashamed and embarrassed to let anyone know what i’m dealing with. I’ve already struggled with pornography a long time ago in the past—and that’s why i find it quite disturbing now since ive stopped watching it (for 8 years now) with the prayer of my parents (it was quite an embarrassing experience), but if they were to find out that ive fallen back into sexual sin (though it may not be watching porn) i can only imagine how ashamed they’d be.

I also find it very embarrassing to just confide in a friend about things like this in general. I have confided to my christian friend about this, but i feel embarrassed going back to her and asking her to hold me accountable. (We’re both 18!)

Im already ashamed myself because every time i repent, i relapse a few days later. I’m trying my best to seek the Lord but i’m not sure what’s dragging me back. Is there a step i’m missing?

(if you don’t feel compelled/comfortable to answer this ask that’s totally fine and you can just ignore! I am IN LOVE with ur blow btw!!!)

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle, you sound very level-headed about it all though. If I understand correctly, this is something you struggled with before you were even 10? I am so sorry. Porn is one of the worst things ever, it's so harmful to souls and to families. I am so sorry you have struggled with this.

For me, I think remembering how ugly it is helps. It's not attractive when I think about how damaging it is and how the enemy wins every time it is watched. Truly, it degrades people and sex itself, so it's definitely not God's heart/him getting the glory.

I try to remember how amazing the real thing is (I mean not literally sitting there picturing it) and let that motivate me to not short-circuit anything here on earth, in the sense of porn and masturbation. Yes, it's hard! I totally get it. I had a very intimate dream last night and had to wake up and ask for forgiveness. To some maybe they would laugh at my saying that, but I have been tempted in all sorts of ways and I don't want to be tempted/don't want to give in. It breaks my heart. There are things even out of our control - such as a dream. It's really hard. I don't know what else to say about that, other than I pray. I pray before I sleep, sometimes I've woken myself up praying, and I always pray when I wake up in the morning if I had a dream like that. It's not easy. I say this in a very confessional, honest way. It's really hard.

Yet, I want the real thing with a man the Lord has for me. And I am focused on that good, not this temporary "good" no matter how good it might feel initially - it's not God's plan. God's plan is sex in marriage between a husband and wife.

I don't know if any of this helps, but it's important to remember we have a real enemy - "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8, and yet - "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4, and "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love." Romans 8:38

It's God holding us, beloved. Our grasp is weak, but we call out, we repent, and we keep on keeping on. What God has for us is better.

[literaphobe]

that's so AWESOME, being a polyglot sure as hell is hot! and such an advantage with korean fanart! If you don't mind, which one is your favourite (for writing, speaking, listening)? When talking, do you alternate between the three of them?? Which one do you think is the easiest? Any anecdote involving language?? How do you got interested in learning korean?? i don't know, id like to read more about it asdkdj

hehe sometimes i see the korean spop art n comics on twitter and they will have some like english translation and i will feel like an insider because i will look at the original korean one and know what it Really says 

also! english is the language i’m technically the most proficient in? but when i speak to family n friends who speak english and chinese i tend to code-switch! it is fun and also my parents used to make me terrified of chinese because they would scold and belittle me constantly for not speaking it well when i was like in my preteens to teens (even tho it was their fault! for almost exclusively speaking english to me because english proficiency is an advantage and is prioritized in my country). but my mom now admits i speak chinese well <3 i don’t necessarily know all the words but whatever i say tends to come out nice <3 also with korean.... mmm its hard to get opportunities to speak it because i don’t know anyone who can speak korean with me <3 i feel very shy about using it <3 there was a period of time tho when i spoke korean to my dogs for fun it was funny 

between english chinese and korean..... it’s interesting because english and chinese both for the most part follow the SVO (subject verb object) sentence structure, whereas korean follows a SOV (subject object verb) sentence structure. BUT english and korean both have an alphabet (its why i learnt how to read korean in like! idk an hour i’m guessing) whereas chinese does not </3 its a... [big sigh] pictorial language. so each character is some new fucking picture you gotta learn. SUCH a bitch in oral examinations because sometimes u will just come across a word that u don’t know! never seen that shit before! so u don’t know how to read it <3 so it’s like a guessing game where there is every chance you will be completely wrong <3 so sometimes u gotta fucking <3 pretend the word doesn’t exist <3 or make up your own pronunciation <3 i remember sitting in a hall once with two of my malay friends and they were moaning about how scared they were because what if they pronounce stuff wrong :( and i’m like aw :( well :( but at least u have an alphabet :( which is like the same letters as the one in english :( that’s like safer right because how wrong can u go? and they’re like ok but u see :( the word could be said slightly different as compared to how its spelt :( and i’m like oh <3 that must be so hard <3 

and the thing is u see. they learnt exactly how much easier they had it. because our school had this program where they made the chinese students learn malay and the students who spoke malay, hindi, tamil, basically everyone who was not chinese. they had to learn chinese </3 and that was honestly like a racist hate crime, because after class my friends would come up to me on the verge of tears like. michelle :’( HOW are you doing this. chinese class is so scary we hate it why must we memorise every new character. and me, who got second in class for malay (the ONLY reason why i didn’t get first was because i forgot what ‘yellow’ was in malay. and now i will always remember it is ‘kuning’. anyway my malay teacher was BEAUTIFUL and she told me i got full marks for reading because i said everything perfectly. i did not understand a single word of the malay passage i was reading <3) was like i am so sorry :( you do not deserve this :( 

anyway its a hate crime to make a person learn english and chinese because imo those are two of the most different languages in the world :) its why white people fucking suck at chinese. and honestly so do most chinese american like. actors. ever seen a movie where they speak chinese? most times they are speaking it horribly <3 anyway, learning korean was really interesting because of how it strengthened my chinese! like, because a lot of korean words came from chinese (there are korean words taken from japanese too. because. well. lmao) and the korean alphabet was literally invented because traditional han characters (written chinese) was too fucking hard. even the chinese people realized traditional chinese was too fucking hard and decided to make simplified chinese. like make those pictures less complicated! 

the reason why i learnt korean was because. of this korean variety show called running man. it is the most internationally recognized korean variety show. so what this show is is like. there is a main cast made up of actors, singers, and comedians. and they are forced to compete against each other/team up to achieve a common goal, through playing various games and stuff with a final objective that involves someone winning/getting punished. it’s a little hard to explain, but they’re like an irl found family trope (while also being fictional? because they essentially play characters on that show that are like exaggerated versions of themselves) with EVERY AU ever. like seriously think of a concept they’ve probably done it. high school, super powers, super heroes, aliens, college students, olympic athletes, sherlock holmes, james bond, chess, etc etc etc. so an example of this would be like the staff will tell the members “this week you are the drama department in the high school and you are competing against the athletics department to determine who is the best club in the school” and they’ll have to do it. and sometimes the cast gets really into the theme of the ep and its really funny when they gotta Act to sell something. anyway they also have this game which the show invented called ‘nametag ripping’ so essentially on their backs everyone has a name tag stuck to their clothes with velcro and you have to rip off the nametags of other people. the cast in this show has incredible chemistry so the banter is amazing and very funny. i also have to admit i additionally liked the show because two of the members had this ‘best enemies, best collaborators’ chemistry that i found very compelling and fun to watch. so i started learning korean so i could get what they were saying without subs ie watch the show live. and i guess my parents found that impressive which is why my mom constantly nags me to learn more languages. which. is not gonna happen because i have adhd <3 and the thing about me is. i won’t say i’m a genius. but i can do anything so long as i want to do it. its the worst superpower to have <3 so anyway. that’s why i know korean i guess! sorry this is so long 

#ask #hahaha #Anonymous

[sulietsexual]

not gonna lie i'm super surprised you don't consider delena to be abusive in any way. however, i think it's great that you didn't let other people's opinions sway your own judgements, which can be hard to do when you go into watching a new show where everyone seems to have similar opinions. i know you're probs bored of answering tvd asks, but if you have time would you consider writing WHY you don't think delena are abusive and why you like their dynamic? thanks :)

Okay, before I get into my answer (which will be rambling and long and probably not make sense to anyone but myself and possibly @we-pay-for-everything because we seem to have similar takes on Delena) I need to clarify that when I say that I don’t find Delena abusive that doesn’t mean that I think it’s a good or healthy ship. There are a lot of aspects to Damon’s behaviour and to the relationship which make it a pretty unhealthy ship and I would never try to pretend otherwise. But I don’t feel that Damon is abusive towards Elena (even if he does cross some lines) nor do I feel that the ship is abusive as a whole. 

I was caught in a very abusive relationship when I was younger and while that by no means makes me an expert on the subject it does mean that I tend to recognise and identify abusive behaviour in fictional characters and react badly to said characters. I don’t react the way I normally would to an abuser when it comes to Damon in regards to Elena. 

Now, I make this distinction because there was a relationship of Damon’s which triggered my reaction to abusive relationships and that was his early relationship with Caroline, which was textbook abusive. Caroline was raped by Damon and compelled to be under his control. He emotionally and verbally abused her by calling her names and telling her she was worthless, he controlled her by compulsion, made her do things she didn’t want to do, separated her from her friends and caused her to feel extreme trauma and fear. She was terrified of him and he made her feel unsafe, while at the same time she felt that she was attracted to him and that made her hate herself. Damon was Caroline’s abuser and treated her appallingly. But he doesn’t display this same behaviour with Elena.

Damon never rapes Elena. Her never compels her in order to physically take advantage of her (with the exception of an early Season 1 episode where he tries to make her kiss him and this is more an attack on Stefan than Elena and he never tries this again). In fact, the one time he does compel Elena is to make her forget his declaration of love because he recognises that she is with his brother, that his brother is the better man and that it would be unfair of him to put her in a position which might make her uncomfortable and divided. That’s pretty much the opposite of abuse.

Damon doesn’t physically harm Elena or threaten her the way he did Caroline. He doesn’t make her fear for her life, he doesn’t emotionally abuse or manipulate her and, as said before, he doesn’t force himself on her or rape her (physically or by compulsion). In fact, when he discovers that she’s sired to him he refuses to even kiss her until the sire bond is broken, recognising that it would be wrong to be physical with her when she has no agency. Again, pretty much the opposite of abuse. He tries to break the sire bond to set her free, not wanting her to be compelled to be with him.

Now, none of this means that Damon didn’t display some pretty shitty behaviour at times or that he never crossed lines or didn’t hurt Elena or that he was even good for her. He encouraged her to feed and kill when she became a vampire, knowing that she would feel torturous guilt over it, he allowed her to feed from him without informing her of the intimate nature of vampires drinking from one another, he turned off her humanity which allowed her to become a ruthless killer. Even before that he crossed quite a few lines such as walking around naked in front of her, lying in her bed and letting her think he was Stefan and the aforementioned attempted compulsion to get her to kiss him. But, for me, none of this constitutes abuse as none of it truly victimised Elena or traumatised her in any way. Damon’s a shit person, a bad influence and an enabler but he’s not Elena’s abuser.

Before I started watching TVD there were two incidents which I constantly heard about which antis would use to prove Damon’s abuse - the fact that he snapped Jeremy’s neck after Elena rejected him and the fact that he forced her to drink his blood so she would come back as a vampire after Klaus fed off her. What I didn’t have was the context for either scene and once I did, both scenes became vastly different to what the fandom had convinced me they were.

When antis talk about Damon snapping Jeremy’s neck because Elena rejected him, they seem to fail to take two very important factors into account - one, that just one or two episodes before, Jeremy had expressed a desire to Damon that he wanted to die, because he wanted to feel nothing, because the world was too awful and feeling nothing was better than feeling something. Damon even parrots this back when he is about to kill Jeremy and even though Jeremy has since changed his mind, Damon is so deeply identifying with what Jeremy said previously that he’s almost killing himself through the act of snapping Jeremy’s neck. He’s killing someone who, in his mind, wants to die and if he can’t give himself that freedom, he’ll damn well give it to someone else.

Secondly (and this is more important as it directly ties into Damon and Elena’s relationship and dynamic) I firmly believe that Damon snapping Jeremy’s neck was in response to Katherine rejecting him, not Elena.

Damon has always loved Katherine and always desired that she love him back, something which she did but would never admit. Earlier in the episode in question, Katherine and Damon engage in physical intimacy, during which he practically begs her to admit that she loves him, telling her that he will leave everything and everyone behind for her and be with her forever, if she will just give him what he’s always wanted - an admittance of her love. Katherine refuses and twists the knife even further by saying that it will always be Stefan, not Damon. 

This devastates Damon, to discover the woman he loved and longed for for over a century never felt the same way. So he gets drunk and goes to Elena, not to confess his love for her (because I genuinely believe that he doesn’t actually love Elena at this point) but to use her as a Katherine substitute, to somewhat desperately try to prove that someone could choose him over his brother. And - again this is important - he doesn’t react badly until Elena says the exact same words as Katherine “It will always be Stefan”. Hearing the same words which Katherine said and already in a very heightened state of emotion (remember that it’s canon in this ‘Verse that vampires feel emotions at a much more intense level than humans) Damon kind of snaps (no pun intended) and he takes it out on someone whom he believed wanted to die. 

I don’t see this as abusive towards Elena as A) she wasn’t the person harmed - Jeremy was and B) this wasn’t a response to her rejection. Was it a horrible and completely effed-up thing to do? Sure but no one’s denying that Damon’s a horrible and effed-up person. In fact, this isn’t the last time he snaps someone’s neck because he’s pissed off (poor Alaric). And Elena is rightly angry at him for a decent time afterwards. But, again, this action doesn’t victimise Elena it victimisies Jeremy and it wasn’t Damon trying to force Elena to love him or him reacting to her rejection and as such I don’t think it counts against the relationship. Also, given that, like, two episodes later Jeremy’s trying to get “Big Brother” advice from Damon, I think it’s fine that Elena eventually forgives him, given how easily Jeremy - the actual victim - moved on.

Now, regarding Damon to force Elena to drink his blood. First of all, I find it very interesting that no where did I ever read or discover that Stefan also forces Elena to drink his blood with the intention of turning her into a vampire, and he does it in just as violent and forceful a manner as Damon - possibly even worse given that he does it at the site of her biggest trauma and then threatens to drive her off a bridge, the same bridge where her parents died. And he does all to piss of Klaus. He threatened to kill the woman he supposedly loves just to get revenge on Klaus. 

Damon, on the other hand, is trying to save Elena’s life. I’ve seen a lot of antis saying that Delena shippers shouldn’t use that as an excuse but my response is why not? People do crazy, stupid and reckless things when someone they love is in danger. Stefan agreed to follow Klaus and kill countless people just to save Damon’s life and no one is running around screaming about that. What Damon did by feeding Elena his blood did cross a line and took away her agency but he was desperate and trying to keep someone he deeply cared about alive at whatever cost. I don’t really understand how anyone could fully fault him for that.

As for why I enjoy the dynamic, maybe because it’s just so interesting. Damon and Elena have a connection from very early on in the series. Elena is one of the first people to actually see and acknowledge Damon’s emotions and losses. She expresses sympathy towards him when she learns that he also loved Katherine and Damon’s expression when she does says it all - he’s never had anyone consider him before. Everyone has always focused on Stefan, no one has fully considered Damon’s suffering. But Elena does.

There’s something dark and twisted about Damon and Elena. You can see how much she’s drawn to him, even when she’s with Stefan and, as Rose points out in Season 3, Damon challenges her and her worldview. He pushes her and brings out darker, more emotional responses in her. When she becomes a vampire, he is the only one to allow her to give in to her darker, vampire urges. One of my absolute favourite scenes in the whole series is Damon and Elena feeding, getting high off blood and dancing. It’s seductive and dark and oh so very vampire-y. I love that Elena can give into those darker urges with Damon, even if it’s not necessarily good for her.

Wow, that got really long. Hope it was coherent and cleared things up for you!

#delena #tvd #tvd meta #the vampire diaries #we pay for everything #answered #Anonymous #meta

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

The Little Big Things (3/4)

So like we had done not too long ago, me, @hoodoo12 @porkchop-ao3 @rickstexaschick are doing the same prompt cause we all loved the idea. And I didn't mention it before, but this story references Labyrinth, and it follows the events of this fic As The World Falls Down.

Many thanks to @xerxezra @hoodoo12 @porkchop-ao3 for some writing advice that helped me get through this chapter. I love you all.

This is part 3. If you haven't read part one or part two then read it here. (Part 1, Part 2)

_______________________

Chapter 3: Saudade

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a scientist, whom after trying all that he could to wake up his unconscious girlfriend had began to wonder if the only thing he hadn't tried would work; for while she appeared to be in a coma, she was merely in a deep sleep like sleeping beauty, but prettier.

“I'm sorry Rick.” you interrupted by poking his cheek. “I appreciate your lovely words, but I can't say that I'm beautiful while snoring, so you better stop that. No embellishing.”

Giving your hand a squeeze, he said softly. “But y-you are. I even have a-a picture on my phone somewhere.”

“If it's of me drooling, then it's going to magically disappear. You always like the bad pics.”

“Hohoho, there a-aren't any bad photos. I like th-them all.”

Which he meant, even if you felt contrary to the statement. “Whatever you say Rick. So, before I interrupted, you were going to explain why you used the dream inceptors. Right?”

“Mhm,” he nodded. “that's right. You see, physically there was nothing the - the matter with you, but y-you did have a bit of a fever. And monitoring your vitals, I had come to realize you already p-passed the first hour or so of sleep, during which brain waves slow down. This period of - of slow wave sleep is accompanied by relaxation of the muscles and the eyes. Then, over the next half hour or so, your br-brain activity altered drastically, and you entered the REM stage. During that stage, there is atonia or p-paralysis of the body’s muscles. Only the muscles th-that allow breathing and control eye movements remain active. I thought, that well - since nothing else worked it couldn't hurt t-t-to try using the dream inceptors.”

If your memory served correctly, you had woken up in your own bed. Which meant, he carried you, portaled into your home, and set up the monitoring equipment on your computer desk. “So, you brought me back to my home, laid me down on my bed, and plugged those earbud thingys in my ears.”

You knew what they were called, but it was always worth listening to him laugh, and feeling the happy noise reverberate through his body; this was your reward. “Those th-thingys allowed me t-to enter into your dreams. I ugh - I used t-t-to wonder what it would be like, and if y-you would welcome me in your dreams.”

“I welcome you into my home. Isn't it about the same thing?”

“N-n-not exactly. Dreams are more private. They can r-reveal or disguise our innermost thoughts and inclinations. Neither of us have th-the same dream, and our subconscious is free t-t-to play its short clips and feature length imagery.

It's - it's not like anyone c-could enters another person's dream, but I have just like other Ricks have in their own respective realities. I'm s-sorry that I did, especially w-without your permission.”

“You did what you had to, and I trust you. You never have to doubt that.”

The lilting tune around you softened to the gentle sounds similar to that of a kalimba or music box; possibly both. Kissing your temple, he admitted quietly, in a tone you hardly recognized. “Dreams they can - can be intimate as well. Did y-y-you know that?”

“No,” you blushed, his anxious heart beat making you both nervous and giddy. “but I think I'm starting to get an idea. Why,” you teased. “do you dream of me?”

Covering his face, he groaned in embarrassment. “Gosh, I-I-I do, but not in the way that y-you'd think.”

“In what way then?”

Sneaking a peek at you, he said sheepishly. “It's - I dream about how y-you help me with experiments. Sometimes I dream a-about what we normally do, and how my life is w-with you. I um - I have even dreamed that w-we switched places, and that I'm just a regular guy and you - you are this demi-goddess of science, pulling me away from my average life t-to that of adventures.”

“Demi-goddess?” you giggled, watching as his blush went from a dusty pink to a dangerous shade of red. “That's so flattering, but I'm not like that. I'm not perfect.”

“Y-you are to me.”

Poking his cheek again, you smiled. “And you are to me.”

And for a while he kept quiet, absentmindedly playing with your hair. He did that thing with his eyebrow, when he was thinking too hard for his own good; lost in his thoughts, overthinking his actions, afraid of his words which came out of his mouth. When he found the courage to speak again, his voice was colored with the usual sincerity. “I um, b-because you're sweet, I wondered if your dreams - if they would be just as sweet. M-mi corazón,” he softened, “what I'm trying t-to say is I wanted to know if - if maybe you……oh n-never mind.”

“Rick, what is it? If it's important, then you can tell me.”

Shaking his head, he relinquished his previous thought, this time giving your hand a kiss and continued with his original explanation. “At first, I um - I found myself amidst a-a parched land, where the wind whispered doubts, and the sky flashed visions of the past. I knew th-this wasn't the central point of activity, so I started w-walking.”

__________

Miles upon miles there was nothing, but a desert; not even cacti or wildflowers. It made him worry a bit, but he held onto the hope that he would soon enter the active part of the dream; wherever that might be. Later, when he came upon the people in the nearest village, he found that they were in need of water and had been digging deeper and deeper in search of it, but all their wells were dry. As they had explained, by now the melted ice from the mountain should have fed their rivers and streams, but as yet, it hadn't.

Because his heart compelled him to assist them, he borrowed the necessary supplies to go on a quest, up the mountain, where there was a castle carved out of ice and stone. And there he found a comely young man seated upon a throne of clear quartz; he was the king of the mountain, who had been withholding the water, for the village leader had refused to relinquish his fair daughter, on the grounds that the king was immortal. After an in-depth discussion, the two came to an agreement, with the king abdicating the throne and returning to the land of mortals in hopes of wooing his lady love. Now, a deal was a deal, and the moment the scientist placed the crown upon his head, he gained the power beyond his current understanding, and was able to extend his sight; allowing him to see what occurred across the land he reigned over and beyond. And it happened, that when his eyes found his beloved, he was shocked to find she was but a babe.

You sat up, pulling yourself out of his grasp.

“Hold up! You mean to say that you had to wait for me to grow up?”

“Again?” he frowned a little. “Y-y-yes, I did.”

Your heart sank at his reply. “What do you mean again? Oh God, don't tell me this happened before.”

Scratching the back of his neck, he sighed. “N-n-not exactly the same way, but that's a-a story for another time.”

“Alright.”

This was common with him. If he wasn't ready to talk about something, then he'd promise to tell you later; whenever that would be. Oh, but a different thought occurred to you. What if he had waited for you to grow up in your reality? Why, that would have been absurd, unless he had met you before, but when? At the moment, you were too tired to go through the whole list of theories. He continued. “In your dream, I had t-to, because time travels differently in - in dreams, and if I-I hadn't had the powers which were granted me, I would have…y-you know.”

“Goodness, you could….. you would have died… before we ever met again. Right? Oh Rick, I know you explained how the dream inceptors worked before, but I sometimes can't wrap my head around it.”

He waited over twenty years in a dream. Who does that? Not anyone you had ever known, but Zeta-7 wasn't just anyone. It spoke volumes about his affection for you, and further about his determination. Looking down at his lanky form, you felt tears pricking at the back of your eyes. He didn't look a day older, but that was the magic of dreams wasn't it? There was always a way. “Thank goodness you're still here. I don't know how I'd live with myself if you had died because of me.”

Giving your hand a light squeeze, you couldn't hold back your tears anymore. You really were were a horrible person. If he wasn't so kind hearted surely he would hate. Your idiocy time and time again had brought him hardship and pain. Why did he love you if your were like this?

You heard the rustling of clothes, and felt his warmth all around you. Pulling you close, he squeezed you tight, telling you it was going to be alright. And all you could do was drown in his unconditional love which is as vast and limitless as the furthest reaches of space. You two remained like this until your tears dried up, and all that was left was comfort. When you found your voice, as sniffly and girlish it was, you wondered. “What did you do with your time? Over all those years?”

With a voice colored with relief, he answered. “All th-that I could.”

___________

The previous king had left the land in disarray, so he did all he could in his power to make things right. Immediately, he made sure the water flowed at a steady pace, and the once dying land in due time was fertile again due to his guidance. And when the people were no longer hungry, and the village prospered, many came to show their devotion and gratitude to the new king. They wondered how they could repay him, but the king didn't need anything. However, when they saw that he needed assistance in planting, and covering the land with flowers, they got to work immediately.

Hybrid blue roses, forget-me-nots, morning glories, night-sky petunias, and any other flower he could conjure would be planted. Only one side was dedicated for those blue flowers; the side with the best view. And the rest of the land that wasn't used for farming was covered with giant sunflowers; all of them for his beloved. Time, it wanted to make him a dreamer, and even if logic told him otherwise, it took a little longer than usual to accept it. Time would pass, and it would all happen soon. He could wait.

“I remember the lovely flowers along the rolling hills.” you commented. “I saw them my whole life and longed for the places I couldn't go. They couldn't be found where I lived because of the climate, but you wanted me to remember, didn't you?”

“I-I did. You see, the last time you thought of blue it was connected with something toxic. Therefore, you a-a-associated the color with something bad, and I hoped you - you would remember your life w-w-with…..”

“With you?”

“With everything y-you cared for.”

He always gave himself too little credit. This man was worthy of so much, and you'd worship the ground he walked on if he'd let you. Tilting your head up, you pressed a kiss on his cheek.“Which is mostly you.”

“R-really?”

“Of course Ricky.”

Tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, he was about to say something, but his ioculus stretched themselves to kiss you before he had a chance to. Wherever they could touch, they kissed, and no matter how much he'd scold them, they were as eager as could be. You'd say they had a bit of a rebellious streak. Not wanting Zeta-7 to worry, you gave into their whim, kissing each bud of theirs on the head, to which made them bloom, and pull away. Honestly, they were adorable, but to Zeta-7, who was naturally reserved and cautious, they were disrespectful, and naughty.

“Gosh,” he blushed. “I'm s-s-so sorry. I didn't - I don't know why they do that.”

Again, you had your theories, believing that they acted upon the true inclinations of the heart, but you kept this to yourself. “It's okay,” you reassured him. “they're not bothering me.”

“They r-really do have a-a mind of their own.”

“So they do.” you giggled. “I um, what I was going to say was that I only remember bits and pieces of the before times. It's funny to call it that, as though I've lived separate lifetimes, but that's how I think of it.”

“Fascinating.”

“You think so? Well, maybe it's like chapters, or alternate dimensions, but that wouldn't explain it either. The before times was from the time I was born and ended when I met Jareth. After I met him, my memory of before got kind of hazy.”

“I-I see. Well, that's - that's perfectly natural. It's like any other dream, which most of - of us can't remember when we wake.”

Then, how come you kept on remembering?

___________________

Over and over, you encouraged him to go on. No detail was too small. Whether it was about the time the villagers tried to offer him a bride, or the creatures he made of ice and stone to be his companions in his castle. Though, there were other things you wanted to know.

“Where I lived it never rained, but it often rained on the mountain. Was it natural, or was it because you cried?”

“Jeez, where d-do I begin? If I-I tried to lessen the importance of a memory, then it - it became somewhat manageable. I thought I would have gotten used to it, because I've spent many years of - of my life alone. But, being with you, I let go of m-my habit of detachment, and without it, how does one forget s-s-so easily?”

“I don't know.” You answered, cause you were still trying to figure that out as well.

“There ugh - there were times when th-the loneliness was almost too hard to bear, and I-I-I couldn't - there was nothing I could do, but I had t-t-to carry on. Still, without trying, the memories lingered, and life seemed to come out of focus.”

“Hmm, I used to wonder about what was going on up there, and what living in that kingdom was like. In your skilled hands it must have been beautiful.”

“It - it was.”

“I used to cry sometimes, because I had heard many sad stories about lonely mountain king. Now, with everything that you told me, I guess it means that a great deal of the stories were true.”

With a nod, he agreed. “Th-they probably were.”

_______________________

“Did you always know where I was?”

“N-n-not always. I could only see so far, even if I - I walked to the edge of the kingdom. However, our first meeting was serendipitous t-t-to say the least. I ugh - I was surprised when y-you found me.”

“I did?”

He raised his brow then, his eyes laughing at the memory. “Yeah, it was while I was resting by the river, after a long day of research. Your mind is such a-a wonderful, fascinating place. I-I never got bored of exploring it, though it - it did make me lonely. My perception of you changed over all this new information. And on that day I-I had been thinking about you when you happened t-to show up. You - you were on your way home, after a-a day of playing in the field, the one nearest to my kingdom. Hohoho, you were holding a daisy chain, and y-you gave it to me.”

“How old was I?”

“Hmm, probably about six or - or seven. I told you that y-you should go home, but you wanted t-t-to play.”

“That does sound like something I'd do. Man, I can't believe you had to deal with a brat like me.”

“No, it - it was no trouble at all. I um - I carried you on my shoulders, until w-we were near your home. And w-waited until you went inside before I went back.”

And you remembered, as fuzzy and foggy as it was, you remembered.

Day by day, you kept having visions of the life before, when you still walked amongst the mortals, and your older male slave was your dearest companion. Why? It didn't make sense, he hadn't even been handsome, but he was kind, loyal, generous, and soft hearted.

Through streams and meadows, with eyes still full of stardust, you followed him as a though you were his humble maidservant. On his sleeves were comet’s hair, his soul made of sunshine, and he too made you very happy. Oh, but it didn't matter anymore; they were simply girlish dreams. Or were they?

“I used to think that you were only a dream, but I saw you near the river a few times over the years after that didn't I?”

With a soft smile, he replied. “Th-that's right.”

“Then why didn't you say anything?”

“Because I wanted y-you to have a choice, and when you got older, I-I-I decided to stay away because the villagers began to talk. I didn't want anyone to be given reason t-to think badly of you.”

That was exactly like him, to look out for your best interests. As a child, at least in your dream living out this second childhood, you did feel funny. Though childish sentiments aside, you had adored the quiet intelligence of his, and the calm, sweet temperament; even when you hadn't the words to match the emotions felt, you carried a strong attachment. “I had missed you, I….it was my favorite part of the day. Why couldn't we have run away together or something?”

Scratching the back of his head, he sighed then looked you dead in the eye, more serious than he had ever been, answering without a stutter. “Because it would have been wrong.”

“I don't understand. It was only a dream.”

“I mean, if I-I would have brought you to my kingdom, you would’ve been given your own wing, and everything y-you desired, but you - you would have stopped aging. That's why I-I never kept any servants, and why you couldn't have come because you would have remained a…you know. ”

“A child.” you finished, and you realized that morally, he would have had to be patient, and focus on the attainable things. “So,” you continued. “you stayed away to keep things appropriate.”

“Mhm. I - I still thought of you as my friend, and I was grateful for even th-that much. I-I knew you wouldn't be a child f-forever, and that I couldn't make time stand still, but neither was I moving along with it. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, into months; it was passing along, and I-I remained the same, but you - you had t-t-to survive, and it would've been selfish to make things harder for you. So, I had to wait.”

TBC

#doofus rick #doofus rick x reader #j19z7 #rick j19z7 #rick j-19-zeta-7 #j19zeta7 #j19ζ7 #rnm fanfic #rick j19zeta7

[itsclydebitches]

oh man, the way you talk about yen just makes me think of liara from mass effect and how hard it is to get a word in edgewise if you ever try to say anything about her in this fandom that isn't glowing praise. it doesn't help that the awful things she does are never really talked about in the game, like shepard doesn't get to have any lasting emotion over the fact that liara took their dead body and gave it to a horrible organization you potentially fought multiple times in the first game (and without ever so much as alerting your lover if you romanced the virmire survivor), you just get to have one moderately irritated line and then you just get over it. and she's so heavily pushed by the games themselves (and ofc most of the fandom) as the Right Romance to the point where it makes me want to hate her even more because no one will even acknowledge that it's possible she's not the best character in the series lmao

it's so frustrating, so i completely understand you (i personally love yen but it's bc she's such a deeply flawed&fucked up character, and i completely get why someone else might not like her, i just don't hang in witcher fandom spaces much so i haven't seen a lot of that kind of yen simping)

@drtwit I'm throwing your ask in with anon's 👍

I am absolutely obsessed with the fact that my Yen rants made two separate people think about this Liara and now I'm tempted to play through the Mass Effect series solely to see what's up with her lol. (I started the first game years ago and it didn't snag me. I dropped it really quick and then later the trilogy's ending drama turned me off for a while...) But YEAH. I mean, the Witcher fandom talks a lot about how supposedly biased CDPR is for Triss, but I honestly think that stems entirely from her being a love interest in the first two games, whereas Yen is not. If you play through the whole series (and haven't read the books), you definitely have more of an emotional connection to her than the random woman you just met. And we can absolutely unpack the choice to have Geralt searching for Yen for the first two games - thereby ensuring she isn't an active part of those stories - and whether that was fair to the Yen fans, but beyond that choice I don't think the game pushes Triss on you. As said, I think TW3 does a decent job of letting you make your own choices without those "You're choosing wrong" feelings, but if either character is pushed on you... I'd say it's Yen. Triss isn't the one I'm "supposed" to stay with because we're bound by magic and have a daughter with. Triss isn't the one whose interactions consist of nonstop flirting options. You're at a funeral? Any time's a good time to flirt with Yen! So yeah, if that sort of work had been more heavy-handed - which is what Liara sounds like, combined with that lackluster pushback when she does awful things (at least I can sometimes go, "Hey, Yen, what the fuck?" lol) - it would have had me banging my head against the metaphorical wall.

And yeah, anon, not to be contrary for the sake of it, but if a game comes in hard with a, "This is obviously the correct choice and the only one any good player would choose" there's a part of me that's tempted to reject that purely out of spite lol. You're bending over backwards to get me to romance Liara? Unless she's actually that astounding a character and her stunning personality makes up for this push in an otherwise choice-based game, I'm less tempted to go that route now.

As for the fandom, "because no one will even acknowledge that it's possible she's not the best character in the series lmfao" pretty much sums things thing for me. Admittedly, the games portion of the Witcher fandom has the debate going on. It's not just a "Yen is the best!!" situation but rather a Triss vs. Yen situation that, at this point, is just a staple of the community. Rather than engaging with her flaws - which, as you point out, anon, is one of the main reasons? Why she's a great character?? - many Yen fans just bank entirely on her canonical status in the books. That, as far as many fans are concerned, is that. She's canon, that makes her perfect, and you're wrong. I legit had a conversation that boiled down to the person saying that my view of the games doesn't count, the comics don't count, the Netflix series doesn't count, you have to read the books to understand the "real" Yen because any other version of Yen is wrong (despite them loving all versions), but no you're supposed to hate her in these books so disliking her there doesn't count, and oh, you still don't like many things in the later books? God, you just can't handle a complex character then, huh? It felt like when a friend is trying to get you into a new show but they're like, "Okay, the first two seasons are absolute garbage, the third season had this AMAZING plot but they totally dropped it, the fourth season is pretty rocky but with so much potential, and the first half of season five is a disaster BUT THEN-" and you're sitting there like maybe... if it takes five seasons to get to the good stuff... it's not actually that great? If you have to dismiss that many versions of a character, including large parts of the canon you're upholding, just to say, "Yeah, but this part of The Tower of the Swallow-!" it doesn't make for a compelling argument about the character as a whole. Pieces of the franchise are narrowed until you hit on the mythical, canonical part of the story where this "real" Yen exists and if you're still not a fan of her there the conversation is done. No discussion of how those flaws can create invested interest in a fan or turn them off, you're just an idiot for not liking my fave. So congratulations on being a rare breed, anon, capable of going, "God I love this character, but I get that others don't." Such a basic concept is often lost amongst the fandom drama lol.

Hmm... hey, Steam? Want to have a sale soon so I can snag Mass Effect and find out for myself how annoying this Liara situation is? The "took their dead body and gave it to a horrible organization you potentially fought multiple times" is RATHER INTRIGUING

#witcher #mymetas