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#i suppose its 4 now

thinking about the characterization for the….characters in spirit’s world, and ooo boy, episode 1 is going to age poorly because i was, tbh, still working out their personalities as i was working on it. i have no regrets, but i may have buried myself a little hole because there’s bound to be some inconsistencies between eps, especially so early on!

hopefully i’ll smooth out the wrinkles out by ep. 3 as my writing gets better. it’s what i get for rushin’!

EDIT: also, chr designs will prob change a bit in the future, though that’s just art evolution. i’m altering Charlie’s a wee bit. Specifically her feet and hands. It’s a very small change, but i think it’s important enough to make the edit.

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me: ok this scene should be third person vlad’s pov

outline: ok yes this scene is third person vlad’s pov

me writing the scene: it’s karl time :)

#i was supposed to write like the scene from vlad's pov and vlad's feelings and shit but i started with a thing abt karl and karl's uhhh, #life? feelings? whatever sjdjsjd and so it's kinda karl pov now n i dont know what to do skdbsjdbsjf, #i could jsut. write from vlad's pov from now on since what i wrote isnt strictly like karl's pov but idk if that'd be weird, #or i could use that start in another scene sjhfsjdhsjfh but it's written specifically for this scene and idk if a) it'd fit for any other, #scene and if b) it would rob this scene of its plot skfbsjdbsjfb, #im writing a 5+1 zkbdjsbfnsf and this one is abt what ive written but it was supposed to be vlad's pov馃槶馃槶馃槶, #maybe i Will just start writing vlad's pov whatever, #also idk if im writign them too ooc馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶, #sjfjskfbjs but whatever im having fun and it is supposed to be Super Fluffy and Cute and aaaaa i cant wait to get to the +1, #im writing the 3rd one rn and im going to do the +1 next bc i havent planned no.5 (i only have 3 & 4 planned ajdbjsb) and aaaaa it's so cute, #well it will be, #well it might be, #ive fleshed it out a lot and it has three alternatives but i think im going for the one i planned the most bc it's. so cute, #aaaaaaaaa i wanna write it, #but ive already planned the 3rd in my mind so i have to write it out, #hehehehe i cant wait, #this is abt gsp but idk if i want it to show up on the tag skfbskfjskfj, #gaya sa pelikula, #it's supposed to not show up right???? it's like sooo behind in tag placing, #honey talk
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anyways I love getting punished for being abused, having a mental disorder, and being raised as an only child most of my life

#vent, #vent tw, #abuse mention, #I cant just choose to communicate its really fucking hard, #my parents are like 'were gonna make you and your brother clean out the garage and the garden and you have to COMMUNICATE and you have to, #tell him wht youre doing when youre doing and why' and I just cant, #I CANT communicate, #and I apparently don't get my phone til this is done either, #so I cant draw :), #im legit tearing up my phone is the only way I get to talk to flick what the fuck am I supposed to do, #disappear for however fucking long (bc the stuff I have to do is on a schedule and 3 days of the week we cant do them and I have to work, #4 days a week and go to school physically two of them), #???, #im going to cry, #and now my parents are fighting, #I really just want to bawl, #I don't want to be here anymore, #my mom practically abandoned me and I was raised as an only child, #I never had an outlet to communicate and I don't know why they expect me to be able to, #not to mention being fucking mentally ill makes it that much harder, #bc I never know when im oversharing and I constantly worry about saying the wrong thing, #but guess who's ableist and doesn't believe im neurodivergent bc of some bullshit reason!!! that's right!!!! my parents!! who regularly use, #the r slur, #im really upset right now, #rant tw, #rant, #abandonment mention, #HOW THE FUCK. AM I SUPPOSED TO FINISH MY SCHOOLWORK IF IM OUTSIDE DOING THINGS ALL DAY, #IM IN COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!! AND I HAVE EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, #I REALLY WANT TO DEMATERIALIZE RIGHT ABOUT NOW
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Anyway suddenly incredibly pissed off that I tried 2 look for some body positive content about AN ENTIRELY HARMLESS skin condition I have that ive never seen anywhere represented and when I on a whim went to the tumblr tag it was exclusively people telling you how to GET RID of it or people saying how much they hate it and how ugly it made them feel. LIKE!! beauty standards are so fucking stupid just let me have chicken skin n b cool w/ it man….

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@little-smartass said: So I’m really bad at napping because brain won’t shut up, and my husband has multiple times TRICKED me into napping via cuddles, and I can imagine Xichen and Mingjue tricking JGY by being like “babe come to bed ;)” and then after five minutes of being squished between them, warm and cuddly, he just passes right out

:0 DEVIOUS MAN! Now, is it a trick or a tried and true solution… 🤔

There is no escape, they both smell so nice and when they all tangle their feet up and he buries his nose in Xichen’s neck and Mingjue’s breath is nice and warm in his hair, it probably takes about 30 fuckin’ seconds for him to be completely out. 

@ladyofrosefire said: He is small enough to be picked up and tossed over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes and I, personally, think somone should do that. For his health.

Someone kidnap that man! Doctors orders!! 

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We love having a terrible time 💙

#absolutely love it when i try to tell my mom about how she made me feel FOR ONCE bc she complains I never tell her anything until its too, #late and im knee deep in menthol illness but she just starts crying and being superpassive aggressive w me, #and acts like i just told her to die or some shit when all i said was '4 years ago you hurt me and im not asking you to apologize or, #be perfect im just telling you because i thought youd want to know', #anyway love being left crying in the living room yet again, #god I feel like absolute shit lately i havent eaten a real meal in a week, #all i ate today was a handful of raisins bc even the thought of food makes me extremely nauseous, #i cant fucking take this just seeing it smelling food makes me feel horrible and Im like. its not my choice, #ive never had an eating disorder and i still dont but god I feel fucking horrible and all those meds i hate to take aint helping, #everythings been going in a downwards spiral for the past like month its becoming almost too much to bear, #had some genuine suicidal thought yesterday which hadnt happened in years and im just fucking scared man, #like i always have them but more in a 'my brains used to it now its bg noise but i dont mean it' kinda way but now I just, #ugh im so fucking tired and hyperfixatings making me feel like shit bc i can feel good for what, #2 hours? 30 mins? and then its back to this, #like luckily i could avoid that the pst two days by doing nothing but reading all day for 12 hours in a row, #but now that thats over the hell am i supposed to do, #and i dont have the strenght to play anything and its killing me to not be able to play bb. genuinely, #im a fucking mess and i only have therapy like 30 mins every 3 weeks and she really doesnt help, #all i do is vaguely talk bt feeling bad and she just goes 'yeah your brain works like that it sucks i know' like, #what the fuck am i supposed to do? sit here until i actually give in to those thoughts? im just, #sometimes im so fucking close and its killing me (pun not intended) i just want this to b over with, #we love getting hit by another depression wave 馃挋 anyway sorry 4 da menthol illness luv ill log off for now maybe
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Hey! anyone else have really bad social anxiety so your parent(s) make(s) you use an online school system that’s been existing for years prior to now, but practically everyone you know is like “Oh, you shouldn’t isolate yourself! You need friends and human interaction!” But those same people don’t care when you talk about how you only interact with teachers/classmates when you have to. Oh, and while your school allows you to go to normal school, it’s only for half the week. The other half is online. So, with your limited attention span when you don’t have to physically move from class to class and have your teachers verbally speak to you, you’re doing badly in online school, plus you were a “gifted kid” who breased by everything 2 tears before so last year you had mental breakdowns over an A-, but now you’re failing everything, so you’re stressed out of your mind, and the irony is that the class you’re doing best at is a mental health class, despite your mental health being nearly nonexistent. But you know that being in “normal” school for half the week + masks + social distancing they can barely do + new rules + the fact that half of the week is still online + the fact that you don’t know how you’d get to/from school each day would still stress you out. You can’t tell which is more stressful, so you stop trying, then your grades plummet, then you stress out so much you can’t work, then your grades plummet,  then you stress out so much you can’t work, then your grades plummet,  then you stress out so much you can’t work, then your grades plummet,  then you stress out so much you can’t work, then your grades plummet,  then you stress out so much you can’t work, then your grades plum- You see where I’m going with this? So, because of this, happiness is even more scarce in your life, so your family blames it on you not talking to people, and you’re sick of hearing that, so you isolate yourself, and next thing you know, your crying everyday, not doing your work, you haven’t eaten or drank anything in 2 days and you’re trying to find people you relate to on tumblr at 11:54 PM, or is that just me

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