#i was laughing as i wrote

[artbribery]

it’s the “Danny works for the Justice League” again but even more wonky:

Danny Fenton is but a simple engineer/ghost expert man

Phantom is but a simple ghostly hero

The Ghost King is but a simple “evil” monarch

so o’course Phantom gets called to protect Danny from the Ghost King

but you know that part where the story expanded so Dani was Danny and the Ghost King’s daughter?

and the Justice League thinks Danny was married to the Ghost King because of the Ring of rage that he can’t take off? so they think he still holds a torch?

Right.

Then, after the “truth” come out, the JL calls Phantom like “did you know about this??”

and he can’t just confirm it or deny it, it would be giving away precious info that doesn’t exist and he doesn’t have 

Phantom is so obtuse about it that the JL assumes he is avoiding the topic because he objected to the wedding was in love with Danny 

“Remember that time Phantom fought the Ghost King? Think maybe it had to do with this? and Danny was like Persephone?”

But then people begin making connections between Dani and Phantom and how they look similar, almost the same

So the people begin to think that Danny cheated on the Ghost King and that is why he’s “after him”

Dani is vibing the chaos, everyone knows she wants to be with her three fathers and rooting for poly, if only they all could meet and talk it out

“Communication is important, Dad,” she says with an innocent grin, “Pops said so.”

Cue meddling heroes conspiring to make the three-- totally different entities, not at all just one person-- do exactly that.

bonus: “What’s the JL thinking?”

danny looking uncomfortable = he is feeling guilty + he is torn

phantom wanting the JL to “leave it alone” + always going “i have to go” or “it doesn’t matter” when the topic comes up = defensive and resigned to unrequited

the ghost king being surprisingly quiet = disappointed and heartbroken + still has feelings and can’t actually do harm + menacingly + wants visitation rights

#i was laughing as i wrote #dp x dc #yo danny fenton he was kind of a hoe when he had a one night stand with the hero of his town #batman: i would expect this of constantine #john: hey! #maybe they find out more history #fixed my grammar some don't mind that #fake romcom au

[lilislegacy]

this is my roman empire. and after all these years, i finally have to say something.

GRUNT-WHIMPER??? GRUNT-WHIMPER!!!!???

ANNABETH GIRL ARE YOU OKAY??

forget her just standing there gasping for air. forget her very audible sigh. forget the fact that annabeth initiates 80% of their kisses and literally has to restrain herself from kissing him in front of all of New Rome in MoA. i could go on and on about how many times percy calls her beautiful and attractive (let’s not forget how his heart races and his skin tingles at her touch) and all his boyfriend-ly thoughts about her, but lets focus on annabeth for a sec. BECAUSE ANNABETH CHASE IS GRUNT-WHIMPERING??

our girl was feeling ALL the things in this scene. she’s so weak in the knees for him that she can’t even hide it in front of piper. also percy must be a fantastic kisser? BECAUSE GRUNT-WHIMPER??

do not EVER tell me percy and annabeth don’t have romantic feelings for each other. do not EVER tell me it’s purely platonic. if you’re someone who thinks “nah i can’t see them getting married and having kids cause i don’t think they feel that way about each other” you clearly did not read about the grunt-whimper (well, you can hc whatever you want. i respect all opinions. but i do think you need to re-consider and account for the grunt-whimper)

BECAUSE GRUNT-WHIMPER?? ONE GOOD KISS FROM PERCY IS MAKING ANNABETH CHASE GRUNT-WHIMPER?? IS THAT RICK’S “CHILD-APPROPRIATE” WAY OF SAYING SHE MOANED?? HE SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID SHE MOANED. GRUNT-WHIMPER IS SO MUCH WORSE. THAT GOES SO FAR BEYOND A MOAN. A MOAN IS TAME COMPARED TO A GRUNT-WHIMPER.

GUYS I-

#ricky i see you #ricky i can’t believe you wrote about annabeth grunt-whimpering #GRUNT-WHIMPER?? #percabeth #LOL #i can’t stop laughing #if annabeth chase read that she would be like WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY I DID?? #blood of olympus #percy jackson #annabeth chase #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #uncle rick

[aq2003]

sam and brennan’s greatest weaknesses (respectively)

(transcript under the cut)

[transcript:

Clip 1:

Elaine: It’s possible this is my new favorite bird!

Sam: I agree. Before, my favorite birds were... [pauses]

Elaine: What?

Sam: Fuck me.

Elaine: [Laughs]

Sam: Um, bluejay. A robin. A cardinal. A flamingo... [pauses] Dinosaurs were technically birds. A pterodactyl—

Brennan: Sorry, dinosaurs were technically birds?!

Sam: I was just listening to an NPR story about this, Brennan.

Brennan: I believe that you mean birds were technically dinosaurs. Not all dinosaurs, were birds!

Elaine: He has a point.

Sam: Oh god in heaven, I don’t know if I know five more birds.

Clip 2:

Carolyn: Woody Harrelson has the vibe of someone who should have been cancelled years ago, but remains one of the rare celebrities loved by both sides of the political aisle, like Dolly Parton, The Rock, and... Kid Rock.

Brennan: That’s the opposite of these five celebrities that both the left and the right hate... Honestly, just like a list of five celebrities would be enough to really... [sigh] oh god, who’s famous? Um...

Sam: Who’s famous?

Carolyn: [Laughs]

Sam: This is like me with the birds.

Brennan: Oh, god, let’s switch. Let Sam name five famous people and I’ll name five birds. I’ll name a hundred birds!

Sam: Nobody wants your birds, Brennan!

Brennan: PLEASEEEEEEE

[/end transcript]

#wrote a transcript because i cant screen record w subtitles bc it covers up the prompter text they read from </3 #sam reich #brennan lee mulligan #dropout tv #no laugh newsroom #mt

[ao3-crack]

(x)

#archive of our own #ao3 quotes #ao3 stuff #archive of our own quotes #fanfic #fanfic quotes #funny #ao3 #ao3 tags #i wrote it drunk after having real life gay sex #so everyone cheer for me #i think this is the funniest shit ive ever read bro #I’m still laughing as I post this #bro im lightheaded #from laughing so fucking much

[journen]

Simon encounters a creature

#i was skimming through an old fic i wrote and i totally forgot i had gone on a huge tangent about how much simon hates koroks and it made me #laugh so i had to draw this #call of duty #simon ghost riley #cod ghost #ghost call of duty #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #tears of the kingdom #modern warfare #art #fan art #crossover #my art #call of duty ghost art #cod art #call of duty art #korok #lotz botw #lotz totk #totk #zelda totk #zelda botw #modern warfare 2 #modern warfare 3

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The most evil celebratory kiss

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #wen chao #wang lingjiao #I wrote a haiku that I almost used as the caption. Here it is: #“Up on the house top-Heterosexual kiss-Your mother is dead” #...I am not very good at poetry. #There was something so funny to me about the evil couple heterosexual sloppy kiss sandwiched between all this angst. #I get it - this is to make us really loathe these two and make the later revenge much sweeter but...honestly they were so funny for this. #I still do not really know how to draw people kissing so I will do what I do best and make it funny. #There are several points in which MDZS is a dark comedy and this is one of them. #Despite how tragic this episode is...My god did it also make me laugh the hardest. #I will have comics about the other moments. Stay tuned! #edit: forgor what day of the week it was. Happy Makeout Monday!

[cranberrykissel]

NAUR they had to have this talk in hell, yea

"yes boss it's crucial for the plot, it has to be a super hell"

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detectives spoilers #your honour i love them #kudos to whoever got the idea they should have this talk in a literal hell #edwin paine #charles rowland #crying laughing i can't stop seeing it as a reference #Edwin Paine's literal gay superhell #aparently it was done by the same people who wrote original superhell? they're so real for hell symbolism

[solarmorrigan]

I invite you to imagine: preschool or kindergarten teacher Steve who, after a long day at work, gets his wires a little crossed while in bed with Eddie

Leans in to murmur in Eddie’s ear how good he’s being, how well he’s following Steve’s instructions

Accidentally murmurs, great listening ears, instead

They need to pause after that so Steve can die of embarrassment and Eddie can recover from laughing so hard he almost asphyxiates

#is this anything? #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #eddiesteve #stranger things #I'm sorry I found this in my drafts and it made me laugh so I'm infecting you all with it #solar wrote

[youreastargirl]

Okay okay hold on.

You’re telling me that Derek Hale is living in Beacon Hills owning an auto shop and consulting for the sheriff and having a rebellious teenage son who loves the jeep and in the first twenty seconds of being on screen Derek says to the sheriff “Maybe you should call your son?” Like I literally paused it.

Seriously considering keeping it paused and just writing a fanfic to finish it out because this is a beautiful premise that right now is canon. I accept the first 20 minutes of this movie. The rest we can toss.

#teen wolf spoilers #yes I’m watching it #might take me a few days #to watch it in small increments #everything else is ridiculously laughably the dumbest #like I laughed #like they just subbed in someone for Kira??? #and the ‘badass’ camera shots and characters and literally laughable #and they used ‘we call him the alpha’ line twice in five minutes like it was not good the first time #I feel like I’m watching a movie script a teenager wrote with things they thought would sound cool #also why is Derek investigating fires #not cool #derek hale #stiles stilinski #teen wolf #sterek #spoilers #teen wolf movie

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

date night! Barnaby planned. well. "planned"

#he got too excited and forgot that dates include doing things #he was too caught up in the euphoria of holding howdys hand #an honest mistake 💅 #it turned out well tho in my mind #they had a nice candlelit (microwaved) dinner on the roof #where barnaby performed a stand-up act he wrote just for their date <3 howdy laughed so hard he knocked over their drinks #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #howdy pillar #barnaby b beagle #LaughingStock #OKAY SO IN MY MIND BARNABY LIKE. STRAIGHTENED HIS FUR FOR THAT SLEEK N STYLED LOOK #TO CHARM THE BUG YAKNOW #but now. oogh. i kinda like it a lot #the classic barnaby look.... #im torn between the floof and the fluff.... the way i draw him and the way he Should Be... #anyway im in love with 60s/70s fashion #bring it BACK #i wanna wear campy suits and ascots and flared pants #before anyone says 'what stopping you' uhhh The Fact That No One Makes That Shit #agony.

[mintypsii]

PAIN AND TORTURE AND MISERY AND AGONY AND SUFFERING AND TORMENT AND HORROR AND DESPAIR AND

they thought they were soooooo funny for this didn't they. what the fuck. they really just showed me this scene and expected me to stay normal for the rest of my life. wa haht thef uck

#min watches one piece #I HONESTLY LIKE. NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHETHER ODA WROTE THIS S CENE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE OR NOT #OR MAYBE HE WAS LIKE LAUGHING .HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING #WTF #NOT FUNNY DIDN'T LAUGH CRIED KEPT CRYING S TILL CRYING #unfortunately not live r eaction it's been a weeksince i saw this ep i just needed to post about it because. im thinking about it again #one piece #op #brook #episode 380 #thriller bark

[pinacoladamatata]

Our little idol thief!! We didn't get an act 2 camp "ketheric's dead" party where we got to act silly and dance so i'm taking matters into my own hands

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #arabella #time for headcanons in the tags #bc withers is bone man #she calls astarion blood man #gale is magic man #wyll is sword man #halsin is bear man #arabella *exists* #the entire camp: our daughter now #is this a scene from a fic i wrote?? maybe. yes #why didn't halsin get more time w arabella??? he's a druid. man had the idol. probably couldve.....helped her a lot #im gonna imagine that happened. and halsin helped arabella learn druid magic #also LOL someone laugh w me about astarions silly little suede shoes!!!!!!!!!!! #pina art

[meownotgood]

haha hey so apparently someone stole my whole fic... copy and pasted except for tiny things changed... here is the link to their """fic""" (sorry random person I had to steal the reblog from). they've since deleted the fic off their blog + deleted their ao3 + gone on a hiatus so..... that's cool and whatever....... but they have written a lot of other shit so... don't be a dick but maybe check that for funny business too...

#yall I am literally #I don't even know what to say LMFAO #their fic before they deleted it had more notes than mine....... like what..... #I've never had this happen before so I'm just.... in awe........ #is leon similar to aki or something I don't know this man. who are you #it sucks so much too because that fic of mine #is probably my favorite fic I ever wrote #I poured so much love into it #so many little aspects of aki's character that I enjoyed fleshing out #and to just have it stolen #like if you stole a shitty drabble I wouldn't be as wounded but to steal 20k words of love..... #that's messed up man........ #I'm laughing at this but also. crying inside a little #thank you to the person who told me about this because since they deleted it it would be really hard to know otherwise #yeah........... yeah.....

[clementine-thedestroyer]

Kinktober day 19/20: Housewife/domesticity kink + service - John Price x reader

Warnings/tags: Fem!reader, being married and a bit of being a house wife. Mentions of pregnancy at the end. Reader is also slightly a clean freak coded/gets hyper focused on cleaning- because who doesn’t, tbh. Fluff, then smut at the end.

Price’s favorite things about coming back from deployment.

Of course Price looked forward to coming home- seeing his wife after a deployment was what kept him going through the roughest parts of his job. But- in addition to the obvious reason of just missing his wife- Price had a particular fondness for those first nights back.

When he walked in, your eyes would light up- and he’d almost always find himself nearly tackled by your hug. He’d always laugh, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing you tight as he teased you for your enthusiasm.

During that first hug, he wouldn’t let go immediately. He’d press a kiss to the top of your head- keeping his lips against you for a moment longer- just to breathe in the comforting scent of you. He’d keep one of his hands wrapped around your shoulders, and the other one either nestled against the small of your back or dip of your waist. If you were wearing a shirt, he’d slip his hand under the fabric to run his rough, calloused hands over your soft, warm skin.

If it were up to Price, he would keep you wrapped tight in that bear hug the whole night- or at least till he decided it was time for him to scoop you up and take him to the bedroom. He’d only (reluctantly) let you go once you mentioned that dinner was going to burn.

On the nights when Price first got home, you’d always fuss over him. You’d insist that he sits down- bringing him a beer and making sure to take care of him as best you can.

You’d always try and press the TV remote into his hand, telling him to sit back and relax while you finished dinner. But he’d just smile and shake his head- content to watch you hurry around the kitchen and worry your sweet little head off over dinner. It was one of the few times he’d let himself give into your worrying and fussing- he might as well enjoy it.

He’d sit back and light a cigar, eyes following your ass and admiring the way the tie of your apron cinched around your waist. He’d smile at the way you bit your lip and frowned when you pulled dinner out of the oven- adoring how desperate to please you would get on nights like this.

He may even let you work yourself up about it, probably chuckling at the way your brow furrowed when you find a spot you’d missed while doing your regular before-price-gets-back-from-deployment cleaning spree: something he had, to no avail, tried to assure you multiple times was not necessary, and only discovered the existence of upon getting back a few hours early, planning to surprise you, and found you half way inside the oven. You were cleaning it, you said- although Price was a little concerned by the fact that you’d apparently been at it for nearly two hours.

At this point, he realized that there was nothing he could do to stop you, and just found it cute that you’d get yourself so worked up over getting everything perfect for him.

Of course, he wouldn’t let you stay worked up. Especially on nights like this, he was sure to kiss and praise you all he could. And at the end of the night, you’d always find yourself pressed firmly into the mattress underneath your husband. With Price’s fingers laced together with yours as he thrust slow and deep into you, murmuring against your skin about how perfect you were- how you didn’t need to try so hard to please him, not when just your smile brightens his entire day.

As his thrusts would stutter and he neared his release, his voice would go rougher and he’d suck a hickey beneath your ear and behind your jaw bone- making sure to tell you how much he loved you, how lucky he was to have such a sweet little wife. He’d tell you how he was going to fill you up with his cum and give you a couple of his kids, how he was gonna make you a momma so you’d hopefully stop worrying your pretty little head off over keeping the house spotless- “calm ya’ down a bit” as he put it.

Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

#my friend laughed at me for reblogging a housewife kink thing on my side blog #so I wrote this to double down on establishing and cementing my place as most whorish of the friend group #the cleaning the oven for two hours thing is based on a true story #not mine- one of my parents #cod mw fanfiction #smut #john price #cod modern warfare #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #captain price #price #price x reader #price x you #price x y/n #john price x reader #john price x you #john price x y/n #modern warfare smut #modern warfare fanfiction #john price smut #fem!reader #fem reader #cod price #john price x f!reader #john price x female reader #captain john price #captain price x reader #captain price x you #captain price x female reader

[apollos-olives]

hey, so, someone linked me this article, to "prove" to me that i should "condemn hamas". as a non-palestinian i was told there is no way i can refute this, since it comes from a gazan. i was wondering if, as a journalist and a palestinian, you would mind writing a rebuttal that i could show to people? if you have the time and energy.

https://www.newsweek.com/hamass-western-apologists-have-become-hamas-enthusiasts-gazan-im-horrified-opinion-1849228

okay sure let's go through this together

first thing i urge you is to be weary about propaganda. this person may be getting paid, blackmailed, or just genuinely might be brainwashed, in order to write this.

second is that this article might genuinely be this persons opinion 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ and if it is, i urge you to come and analyze it with me in order to point out it's faults

third, let me say that NO ONE is forced to support hamas as an entirety. but as this person's article states, he is against hamas even as a freedom fighter group, so i'm gonna walk you through some of his bullshit okay :)

one thing i noticed is that there is a LOT of propaganda that was debunked in the past that is still being used in this article

the actual number of "civilians" killed was 900, most of which were actually killed by the iof as they shot at their own "civilians" and soliders. so the author of this article may not be as educated as he might make you think he is.

he's saying that the attack on oct 7 wasn't a "legitimate armed resistance to occupation" but it literally was. there are like a billion un resolutions that state that armed resistance against an occupier is allowed. hamas has every right to fight back against israel. and what? you think armed resistance isn't going to get messy??? of course it will. it is already messy. people are going to die no matter what. that is how you fight against your oppressor. people will die. that's the whole "armed resistance" part. this person is utterly ignorant if he thinks that we can free palestine by a few peaceful protests (which i will come back to soon!)

and yeah what is wrong with "contextualizing" the attack by telling people that gazans are living in a concentration camp?? because they are. and they have every right to fight back. hamas wasn't the only one who was resisting that day, and more than one palestinian resistance group were there as well. condemning only hamas for this shit is idiotic and honestly grouping ALL palestinians, even ones who were not part of hamas, as hamas is... well do i gotta say it? racist.

this author is using a lot of words like "horrific nature" ...... palestinians who fight against their oppressors have a "horrific nature" ???? doesn't that sound... racist to you? and what "numbers" are involved ???? 900 "civilians" that were killed by their own army???? yeah. what massive numbers that hamas killed ooohhhhhh 😰😰

bruhhh this shit sounds like the whole "hamas is their new fandom" bullshit 💀💀💀 also where is he seeing this stuff???? how are bulldozers, paragliders, and motorcycles showing support to hamas?????? maybe they're just people who support palestine in general and mean to use them as symbols of resistance. mocking the "underprivileged fight back" hmmmm that sure sounds so inclusive and supportive of you mister palestinian author!!

this guy brings up international law when LITERALLY THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. BY INTERNATIONAL LAW HAMAS AND OTHER PALESTINIANS ARE ALLOWED TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST THEIR OPPRESSORS. BY "ALL MEANS NECESSARY" - ughhh this is exhausting. and the fact that they call hamas enthusiasts (💀) "inhumane" ... wowwww what happened to the whole "stop dehumanizing poc and the oppressed" ???? this guy is a fucking weirdo.

and again with the "civilians" dude seriously???? israeli civilians are illegal settlers. there are no innocent israelis except for the children, and any harm that may come to the children should put the parents to be held accountable for bringing/settling their child into a land that isn't theirs anyway.

why would you equate being jewish with israel?? yeah a lot of israelis are jewish but pro-palestine jews have repeatedly told us that we should not and must not equate judaism and israel together, and that doing that is antisemitic because it's equating judaism as a supporter of genocide.

and why are you, as a palestinian, calling what's happening in palestine a "conflict" ??? even after years and years of palestinians begging for people to stop seeing it and calling it a conflict and name it for what it is, systematic ethnic cleansing and genocide ?? this guy's wording is ridiculous and so full of that "both sides" liberalism shit it's so exhausting.

wow we love the blatant propaganda. you could tell that the hostages were comfortable enough to wave or handshake the members who released them. they were smiling, no one was forcing them to do that. no one was threatening them harm. many family members have spoken out and have told the media that hamas has treated the hostages well, even if the conditions weren't very glorious.

and AGAIN with the whole "women and children" as if men weren't victims too. you are trying to push for the safety of israelis but disregard the men ???? hm

wow calling palestinians terrorists that's totally not racist at all!!!!

ohhh my god how many times do we have to say that peaceful protests DO NOT WORK !!! no one is listening to us. we've TRIED peacefully protesting. gazans tried peacefully protesting a few years back and HUNDREDS got killed and THOUSANDS got injured!!!! peaceful protesting isn't going to work alone. we need action!! we need to start fighting back!!! we need to make a difference!! palestinians have been begging for people to do this for years now!!!

what "slogans" ????? "from the river to the sea" ???? is that a dangerous slogan, mister palestinian author ?????? don't make me laugh.

and there is a FINE line between anti zionism and antisemitism. yes a lot of zionists are jews but also a lot of christian zionists are antisemites as well. we are allowed to call out and fight anti zionism without being antisemitic. but i guess you would know SO much about that huh, mister palestinian author.

wow what a totally normal thing to say!!! linking palestinians to their constant suffering under the occupation and linking them to be forever tied to their oppressors. "millions of jews will forever be part of the land" YES !!! PALESTINIAN JEWS !!! WHO WERE FOREVER PART OF THE LAND !!!!

ok that's all for the screenshots but i DO want to mention that not once did this guy say ANYTHING about how hamas was bad for gaza. he did not say anything or show any proof about gazans suffering under hamas' rule, and only talked about the "poor israelis" ☹️☹️☹️ who were huwt becawse they wewe illegal settlews on a land that's not theiw's :((((((

this guy was probably paid or blackmailed or something. or just brainwashed.

many palestinians ARE anti hamas as a whole. but we DO support their fight for our freedom.

i hope this helps. keep these arguments in mind next time you're reading an article.

#i would've made this longer and more concise but i wrote this in between my finals so i'm tired lol #palestine #free palestine #this was fun though. i like analyzing bullshit and then laughing about it with you all

[struniolos]

wish you were sober! pt. 1

“kinda hope you're followin' me out, but this is definitely not my crowd.��

chris sturniolo x fem! reader.

synopsis: when reader is overwhelmed at a party & finds herself in unlikely company. (no fame au.)

warnings: none!

“i’m just going to do another shot!” one of your friends yells in your ear, trying to overpower the music thudding in the background. two other join her, linked arms, as they make their way to the kitchen. you wonder who’s house this even is, as you hadn’t been invited directly, only dragged along as a plus one.

you are now left with two of your friends, who both look at you with raised brows. the thick summer air only gets worse as you feel like you’re being closed in on.

“aren’t you going to do shots? you’ve barely drank anything tonight.” one asks, tilting her head.

“i really don’t feel great.” you confess, your face screwing up in bitterness. your stomach ached, as well as what felt like your brain thrashing around in your skull, clawing at the inside.

“maybe try making yourself vomit? sometimes that helps.” the other suggests, trying her best to be accomodating in her drunken state, while clutching onto your arm for stability. it wasn’t a terrible idea, as you did feel like you were going to throw your guts up at any given moment. but also, it was a good excuse to disappear into the bathroom for a few minuets undisturbed.

“i might try that, thanks.” you force a smile, before quickly slithering out of their grip, and making a bee-line for the stairs which in that moment seemed like the stairs leading to heaven. peace and quiet.

you jog up the stairs, while trying to hold down your skirt so you don’t unintentionally flash your ex-classmates. the hot air seemed to be worse upstairs, and you knew it all too well from living in a two storey home your entire life. heat rises. why on earth did your foggy brain think it would be cooler up here?

you manage to find the bathroom, sighing in relief when you found it empty. you closed the door hurriedly behind you, and make your way to the sink. you run the cold water under your hands, splashing it on your flushed face. your mascara had started to smudge under your eyes from the heat, and your lipgloss had completely melted off. real classy. as you begin to wipe your fingers under your eyes, a knock on the door startles you.

“yeah?” you call, not hiding your frustration.

“can i come in?” the voice asks.

you sigh, throwing your head back. so much for peace and quiet. you throw open the door, shocked at who you find behind it. chris sturniolo. you knew him and his brothers didn’t go to parties, not even in high school. you wonder who or what dragged them to this one. he was a year older than you, but you were well aware of who he was. the star player on the lacrosse team.

“you mind if i chill in here for a bit?” he asks nonchalantly.

you’re now confronted with the option of being a douchebag and saying no, or saying yes and then trying to weasel your way out. you scan his face, the bags under his eyes, the muss of his hair from the heat. he looked exhausted, you imagine that’s how you looked, too.

“yeah, sure.” you shrug, opening the door wider for him to come in.

he immediately makes himself at home, hoisting himself to sit up on the bench beside the sink. you take in what he’s wearing, a black singlet and cargo shorts with ugg boots. definitely a choice.

“did i walk in on something or…like you weren’t crying or anything?” he asks, widening his eyes at you and freezing in place.

“oh! no, no not at all.” you smile awkwardly, shuffling on your feet.

“right, you just uh, look…” he trails off, waving his finger at you.

“terrible?” you answer with a defeated laugh.

he laughs. “yeah.”

you find yourself smiling a little, too. “i feel terrible.”

“me fucking too.” he sighs, leaning his head back onto the mirror and kicking his uggs off. you envied his confidence.

“so, what brings you to the bathroom chris sturniolo?” you ask as you put the toilet seat down to give yourself a surface to sit on.

he gives you a funny look, pouting his lip and raising an eyebrow. “how do you know who i am?”

“you were only the star lacrosse player of southeast high!” you taunt, holding a hand to your heart and mocking the many fan girls he had at his beck and call.

he tsks and rolls his eyes, “nah, matt was always miles better than me.”

“he was.” you lie, a smirk creeping up on your lips.

chris chuckles, shaking his head. “anyway, to answer your question, i’m trying to escape my very drunk and gross friends, one of them vomited on my shoe, look!”

he points to his discarded ugg boot, which you now see has a splatter of dark liquid on it, and you find yourself feeling sick. “fuck that’s gross.”

“i know right! but i’ve had enough anyway, i want to go home but matt’s driving and he’s not ready to go yet, neither is nick. at least they’re having fun.”

“and you don’t drink?” you ask, crossing your legs criss cross applesauce style.

“nah, me and my brothers are sober. just don’t really see the point in drinking. got nothing against it, just not my thing.”

“you know, don’t take this the wrong way but, i honestly pictured you as the frat boy type.”

“ha, i’m far from it.” he laughs, “but that’s what all the lacrosse boys were like. it was painful having to put up with it.”

“i can imagine.” you tell him.

there’s a lick of silence, and the bathroom was beginning to get stuffy- despite the window being open and letting a small breath of air through every now and then. you see chris wipe the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, puffing out a breath. “it’s so fucking hot i think i’m going to die.”

you found yourself in a daze, looking at him now, really looking at him. he was cute as hell, how had you never noticed? the way his hair hung just over his forehead, how his arms were softly toned…

“hey, i never got your name. that was rude of me.” he says, turning to you.

you tell him, and he nods his head. “you look like that’s your name.”

“what?”

“you know how some people look like their names? i feel like i don’t look like a chris.” he elaborated, waving his hands around to emphasise his point.

“yeah, maybe a chad.” you chuckle.

“if i was a chad, i’d have already kissed you.” chris tells you, not looking at you, more like he was talking to himself. speaking into the abyss.

you widen your eyes, “what?”

chris kicks his feet back and forth, hitting the cabinets below. “nothing.”

there’s a pause, the only sound you could hear was your breathing, surrounding you, suffocating. you decide to be bold. i mean, what was there to loose, anyway? you couldn’t just sulk alone all night.

“i mean, i wouldnt say no.” you confess, avoiding eye contact, looking down at his vomit splayed ugg boot, discarded on the tiles. although, you could feel his eyes on you.

“to what?” he says, more confidently.

“if…” you begin, now looking up at him and loosing your train of thought.

“i kissed you?”

you freeze, blinking a few times to check you weren’t hallucinating and that your drink hadn’t been spiked. after a few breaths, you realised he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he was right there. only a few steps away. yet you couldn’t find your feet, we’re you supposed to make the first move?

before you could continue the battle in your brain, chris had slid back down to his feet, his hands bracing on the bench behind him, arms flexed. he tilted his head at you, almost like a puppy, waiting. he was waiting for you.

you stand up, and slowly, ever so slowly, make your way towards him. you bite your lip, your breath quickening and heart thumping in your chest like it would pounce onto him if it could. how had your night turned so quickly? weren’t you downstairs wishing you were anywhere else only 20 minuets ago?

chris reached his hand out to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear, licking his lips. “you’re so pretty.”

you blush hard, looking down at your feet. “even with my smudged mascara?”

“yeah.” he chuckles, reaching for your hand to pull you closer to him.

you were now face to face, your eyes in line with his lips. you felt like your heart was about to fall out of your ass, with the way he was looking at you. not greedy, not like other boys did- if they did. it was sweet, like he was really looking at you, his mellow blue eyes scanning your face and landing on your lips.

he slid a hand behind your ear, leaning into you. you leaned in, too, unsure of what you were supposed to do. you had only ever kissed one boy, and it was in eighth grade as a dare during a game of spin the bottle. this time was different. it wasn’t a game, and nobody was watching.

chris kissed you gently, only testing the waters. it was only chaste, but you felt yourself ascend into another dimension. his lips were soft, and he was so warm. you feel something deep your belly, swirling around. your cheeks begin to flush a little more than they already were, your headache now a distant memory. he pulled away as soon as it happened, as if he had been snapped back into reality.

“sorry, i don’t um…usually do this. i feel like such a douche.”

“you’re far from a douche.” you reassure him, placing a hand on his forearm.

his hand that rested behind your ear was now playing with a coil of your hair. “i mean you were just so pretty, and i didn’t know how to-“

suddenly, you feel yourself swarmed with pride, beginning to smile. “chris! did you follow me up here?”

“um, no?” he says, as his eyes dart around the room comedically as a toothy grin adorns his face.

“you don’t seem so sure.” you tease.

he laughs, shrugging. “what can i say, it worked.”

you find yourself overcome with a feeling you didn’t recognise, something between overjoyed and astounded. you quickly press your lips into his, a little more assured this time. he kisses you back just as eagerly, pulling your waist close to his, breathing hot air into your lungs. you weren’t quite sure what to do with your hands, so you snaked your hand into his soft, full hair. he groaned into your mouth, and you felt your stomach do flips.

this was definitely not how you expected your night to go.

part two.

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