#i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 3 PART 1)

[Donnie x reader]

sfw, part 2 here

"Leo?" 

Donnie froze. Leo stood firm where he was. The atmosphere of the lab fell still and Donnie got up from his chair, slipping his phone into his pocket. 

"I was getting ready," Donnie almost stammered out, though he managed to get through it barely. "Just…" 

He couldn't think of anything to say. No excuses; he knew he was caught. Why would he have been smiling, chuckling at his phone? Why would he have been that distracted as to not detect his brother? There was no explanation to give. He was far less acute than their leader in his senses—less intuitive—to have been able to know that. He berated himself as Leo folded his arms and gave him a look of knowing. Always with that look. You knew you were busted when Leo deployed that one. 

"You can either tell me what's going on now or you can do it out there, where everyone can hear," said Leo sternly, body partially blocking the exit anyway. 

Donnie scratched on the same spot on the back of his neck that he'd always picked at when he felt uncomfortable. "I can explain," he finally said in a low tone. "Just let me. And please don't alert everyone else immediately. Promise?" 

Pausing, Leo contemplated on his response, coming to the decision that he'd at least give him that. He nodded and motioned for him to start, "Go ahead."

"I, um…" 

Donnie's heart rate picked up a bit as he began to feel a wash of embarrassment seep in. He'd never been very open to his brothers about how he sometimes wanted connection with the outside world. He hadn't thought much about love or romance given their situation, either, but it did crop up from time to time—he still never mentioned it. 

Releasing a deep breath, he explained, "I met someone. Over a game. She wanted to text, and I figured that, since the possibility of—" 

Leo halted him. "Time out, what? You met someone on a game, they wanted to text, and you just...agreed?" he asked, surprised himself by Donnie's actions. Before he would hear his brother's response, he continued, cutting him off once again, "Did you forget that there's a reason why we don't just go around talking to whoever?"

Donnie felt a spark of anger and he stood up straighter, stepping forward toward Leo. He hated nothing more than being implied he was stupid or naive. But he still kept his distance, and still tried to keep his voice low so that prying ears couldn't hear. 

"Trust me, Leo! I've been talking to her for a few weeks. We only started officially texting recently. You know I've fixed up our phones so they aren't traceable; what is the issue? Am I not allowed to have my own life?" 

Leo scoffed lightly, shaking his head. "Don, come on, dude," he reasoned, "can you even be sure that's a girl?" 

Donnie's lip twitched in annoyance and he scoffed, himself. Of course he was sure! If he'd ever had any inkling he was being baited by an older man, he never would have played with them, or even agreed to text. But Leo didn't seem to listen to anyone's intuition but his own and Splinter's, and so he wouldn't hear out that argument. Donnie suddenly wished she'd sent a picture of herself so he could prove to his brother that he was not, in fact, that empty-headed. 

"Also, you do have your own life, it's with us. Which means I have to look out for both you and the rest of the family. I mean it when I say this is risky. Don't be a fool, Donnie. Plus, what were you planning on doing when she eventually wants to know more about you? Lie your way through it? Even if she is who you say she is, it still doesn't change the fact that she's a human girl and you're a mutant. And you can't keep up the charade forever." 

Donnie's heart panged at his last words. He wanted so badly to say that he was wrong, but really, he knew that Leo was painfully correct. He couldn't keep up the act forever. Not unless he wanted a friendship built upon lies and deceit by omission. As much as he hated to admit it, Leo was right; it was foolish to have thought it would somehow work out. 

Silence befell them, and even though he spoke the truth, Leo felt bad upon seeing his face fall like that. He reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know it gets lonely. We all do. But you have to face it, Don. That up there? It isn't for us," he told him gently, trying hard to lift the tension from the room. "Let's just stick to what we know best, okay?" 

The shadows. 

Eyes averted at the ground, Donnie swept the hand on his shoulder off. He walked right past his brother and grabbed some gear on his way out. "Yeah. Let's go." His reply was quiet and curt, steady as he could make it. Though on the inside, he was frustrated. Frustrated that he'd dug himself into a hole that he'd now have to not only dig himself out of, but let down someone else while he was at it. He'd have to let her go. Less angry was he with himself as he was his situation, and Leo knew that feeling well. He wanted to protect his brother—he just hoped Donnie would see that. 

Out on patrol, they went about their routine as usual, but everyone noticed the mood-shift. Raph and Mikey were excitable as ever, but the other two were more reserved that night, not talking much to each other. 

They leaped from one rooftop to another where they decided to stop for a quick rest, Mikey racing ahead of all of them as he vaulted from the roof and onto the next. "You guys are slow!" he called from the other side. He grinned and jumped up onto the scaffold of a water tower while Raph  barrelled across the gap with a roll on impact, Leo choosing to take a flip. Donnie trailed behind and simply jumped the ledge. 

"Yo, what's up, D?" Mikey asked through heavy breaths, picking up on his standoffishness. "You been quiet all night!"

"And you're slow as hell," Raph commented. While not as perceptive as Mikey, he had noticed the odd tension and was beginning to get suspicious as well. He knew someone wasn't saying something; he just didn't know what. 

Leo and Donnie exchanged looks. He silently hoped that Leo would take the hint, but when Leo sighed and glanced back at the other two, he knew it was hopeless. He'd get chastised at for being ignorant all over again. At least by Raph, he judged. Mikey couldn't really talk because he'd been in a similar boat before, and now, he knew how he'd felt all those times they got onto Mikey for trying to make contact with humans. 

"Well?" demanded Raph, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "You gonna tell us or what?" His eyes were on Leo rather than Donnie, because he already had an idea that they both knew something that he and Mikey didn't, but everyone turned to Leo when something like this came up.

Leo chewed on his lower lip for a second, conflicted as to whether he would come out with it or save Donnie's pride. They were brothers, family—he couldn't feel truthful keeping them in the dark. But he also recognized that it wasn't his place to say it. He instead turned to Donnie himself, looking for any sign of what they were gonna do. It was up to him, he concluded; if he wanted to stay quiet about it, he could. 

Mikey was confused. Raph was growing more impatient. Donnie felt pressured to blurt it out. And he did. 

Breaking, Donnie strung out, "I met someone online and we started talking and Leo found out and I didn't want you guys to know because it was stupid and...and...oh, just let me finish this now!"

Leo awkwardly stood back in silence while Raph looked at Mikey, then back at Donnie and him, and soon enough everyone was just staring at one another, all waiting for someone to say something, but no one did. Done, Donnie took his phone out and opened up the messages shared between him and her, holding it out for his brothers to see. 

Without warning Raph snatched the phone from his hand and started scrolling, Mikey peering around his shoulder and trying to push him out of the way to see. 

"You actually talked to a girl," Mikey awed. He was excited at first, but it faded when he thought about the fact that Donnie had kept a secret from them. They didn't keep secrets. 

"Yeah, one named [y/n], who lives in New York City," Raph emphasized, "and works at wherever this is…and...how did you even meet this girl, Don? Is that even a girl?" he questioned Donnie accusingly, waving the phone around as he spoke. He almost dropped it and Donnie quickly took it from him, telling him to be careful as he slipped it back into the strap on his bicep. 

Leo kept vigilant watch around them while the conversation played out, being the only one truly paying attention. His eye caught some erratic movement in a tucked-away alley down below them. 

"For the last time, yes! She is a girl! And I met her on a game," Donnie answered, throwing his hands down. 

"Save it for later, guys, we got company," Leo interjected. He pointed down at the alleyway adjacent to the building they were on and motioned for them to get moving, dropping down onto the fire escape of an apartment complex. 

Raph bumped Donnie in the arm purposefully as they approached the edge of the roof, "We ain't done yet," he said, dropping onto the fire escape. 

"Yeah, not done yet," Mikey added whimsically. 

Groaning under his breath, Donnie whipped out his staff, and leaped down. 

Mikey followed behind him, jumping the ledge and launching himself to the opposite balcony. They came upon the scene of a couple of men each carrying a sack out of a backdoor in a building, what was assumed to be the ringleader overseeing it from a car parked next to them. 

They turtles were silent, perfectly hidden and moved within the black of night as they descended. Raph pulled out his sai and was about to drop down on one of the unsuspecting men when Leo shoved him back. "Hold on," Leo told him. Begrudgingly, Raph stood down. Donnie peered around the corner from ground level while Mikey clinged to a wall in the shadows. Above, Leo and Raph took the high ground, watching them from a balcony nearby. 

"Hurry up and get this shit loaded into the car, I don't wanna get caught back here," a rough voice ordered from the vehicle. Donnie spotted another person in the passenger's seat. 

"We're goin' as fast as we can!" one of the men spat back. All were beefed up, tattooed, and based on the scars, no strangers to a fight. 

Raph looked at Leo with a smirk. Leo gave the signal and everyone closed in, red and blue dropping from the balcony onto the two completely unaware men, while Donnie and Mikey went to take care of those in the car. 

"What the fuck?!" a man shouted, stumbling back as the duo dropped heavily in front of them. He tossed the sack away and Raph saw he was going to pull out a gun, which Raph went for immediately with his sai. He charged into the man before he could even try to aim and stuck the arm holding the pistol with his three-pronged weapon, forcing his wrist down and the gun to fall out of his hand. Leo took the other and barely had to use any force in pinning the man against the wall with his blade and forearm, but had to duck out of the way when Mikey came through swinging his nunchucks at one of the men who had tried to flee the scene. 

"Watch where you're going with those things, Mikey!" Leo yelled, grunting as a crowbar collided with the side of his head. He spun around and threw his fist at whoever was behind him, an incapacitating blow to a human, but barely his full strength. 

Mikey easily caught his target and gave his legs a mighty sweep to sent him tumbling down. "You thought!" he bellowed with a laugh. "Can't outrun M.C. Mikey." 

Donnie caught the driver on the far end of the fight scurrying to pick up the sacks before making his getaway, and quickly he forcefully jabbed his staff into the solar plexus of the man, sending him onto his back. He was winded, coughing and struggling for air. 

"Donatello! You good over there?" Raph called out, delivering one final kick to the stomach of the man he was on. Donnie heard the skid of a shoe on the pavement behind him and didn't even have to look as he whirled around with a swing of his staff, hitting the man in the head with near-devastating force. It was a knockout blow—the guy dropped, and the fight was over as quickly as it had started. 

Donnie looked around and collapsed his staff, "All good," he answered curtly. 

All five of the men lay on the ground, a couple flat-out unconscious while the rest hissed and groaned in pain. While Donnie inspected the sacks strewn around, Raph chuffed and kicked the gun that had fallen away from the hand that was slowly reaching for it, looking down at the pathetic criminal as he instead stepped on his wrist. The burly man let out a whimper, like a baby, and Raph chuckled. 

"Just money," Donnie announced. All of them heard the sirens of police cars approaching. "Let's get out of here, guys." 

"Those morons weren't even a warm-up," Raph gloated, fist-bumping Mikey. Leo and Donnie were already scaling up to the roof. "Guess if I want to be bored outta my mind, I'll find these guys again." 

"Oh, we'll find 'em again," Mikey added, pulling himself up onto the fire escape. He glanced back and saw the red and blue flashing lights starting to round the corner. "But, uh, not before the cops do." 

The four made their way back up to the roof and left the area. They still had some time left on patrol, so for a minute, they lingered around, Raph keen to reignite their earlier conversation. Donnie already saw it coming and mentally prepared to answer all of the questions that were about to be thrown his way—which he was correct about, as Raph proceeded to open with, "So, what, you're keepin' secrets from us now? Anything else ya been doing behind all our backs?" 

"Cut it, Raph," Leo said, stepping between him and Donnie, "you know that's not it. Don?"

"We're your pals, man, you should have told us," frowned Mikey. 

"I just didn't want anyone to freak out," Donnie explained, "and I didn't know I was going to meet anyone I liked that much, I was only planning on playing the—" 

Both Raph and Mikey asked in unison, "'Like'?" 

He scrambled to fix his wording. He cursed his nervous chatter; he couldn't help himself, he was uncomfortable. Maybe even anxious, because he knew he was going to have to face reality and break it off with his new friend.

"No, not—not 'like'. Like, not like that. I mean in general, as a person," he stuttered, floundering with himself. 

Mikey knew he was lying. He knew it well. Though gullible at times, when it came to the heart, Mikey truly was the most in-tune out of the four. As for the other two, he couldn't say as to whether they saw the lie here, because sometimes, Donnie stuttered just because he was excited or frazzled. Other times, it was definitely because he was lying. The entire time he felt a little bad for his brother. He imagined himself in his shoes and it made him sad, thinking about having to let go of a friend right after having them in his life. 

Putting a hand on his shell, Mikey shook him a bit, "You like her, bro," he whispered. 

Donnie lightly pushed him away. "She's a friend," he clarified, eyeing Mikey. 

Raph was silent for a moment while he thought about everything. He wasn't mad about the fact that Donnie has found someone as much as he was that he never said anything, kept a secret from his brothers. The four of them had a rule that went without saying; they didn't keep secrets from one another. Not about anything major, at least—which this was. He didn't even contemplate on what he thought Donnie should do about it, just that he'd hidden something significant from all of them.  

"Still doesn't change the fact that you didn't seem like you were plannin' on coming clean with any of us," Raph huffed. "Not if he didn't catch ya." He pointed at Leo. 

Donnie suddenly felt his temper flare, and he bit back, "What about you, Raphael? You constantly hide your feelings! How is it not the same thing?" 

"Except for his anger, he's pretty upfront about that," Mikey quickly added in before sinking away from the two. Leo sighed and flicked his head. Donnie was right. Raph was a hypocrite and they were getting nowhere. 

"My feelings don't endanger people around me," growled Raph, stepping in toward Donnie. They met each other half-way as Donnie wasn't about to back down from his brother, who he was not scared of. "That is absolutely different from what you're doing!"

"Guys, we need to get going," Leo stated, seeing how the moon was far its descent. "Splinter's clear about when he wants us back." 

"I'm finishing this right now," Donnie said, pulling out his phone. He opened up the messages and began typing.

Hey. Sorry for the sudden message and I apologise, but I can't do this anymore

He hadn't noticed yet, but the last text he'd received was only twenty minutes prior, right before they dipped from the crime scene they'd just handled. It read: 

Damn, I hear all this racket outside my apartment and it's kind of making me nervous

Like guys yelling and stuff getting banged

Nvm someone called the cops, I guess it's good now 

Everyone was gathered around Donnie watching the screen as he typed. Raph and Leo both caught that last message. He pressed send and it was only then he saw it, too, and everyone slowly looked at each other in recognition. Everyone was thinking the same thing. 

"Awkward," Mikey drew out. 

All were at a loss for words. When a new message pinged, they all shoved at each other to get a good look. Raph accidentally stepped on someone's foot. "Ouch! Give me some space, guys," Donnie snapped. 

What? 

What's wrong? 

Donnie looked sadly at the screen. He started typing his response, something skin to "it's complicated" followed by an apology, but Mikey stopped him. "Dude, you can't tell her that, it's gonna hurt her feelings!" Mikey exclaimed, "this is totally unfair! To both of you."

"Look, I ain't tryna be petty, but last time I checked, the rest of us aren't allowed to have human friends," grumbled Raph.

A new message popped up and it read:

Well...I won't question your decision. Bye Bo, I guess

Sighing, Donnie turned off his phone and put it away. He turned to everyone. "Happy?"

"Of course not, bro," Mikey responded. He looked around, as if expecting agreement. There was none; Raph stood away and Leo was watching Donnie's face go from annoyed to dejected. "Guys?"

Leo patted Donnie on the shoulder. "You did the right thing," he said. Donnie didn't say anything. "Alright, let's get going."

Chapter 3, part 2

#tmnt #tmnt donnie #donatello #donatello x reader #tmnt fanfiction #fanfiction #romance #sfw fanfiction #leonardo #raphael #michaelangelo #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt x reader #teenage mutant ninja turtles

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , slight hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐗 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐈

if he really wanted to, tooru could tell you everything right here and now.

word count : 2k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀his knee wasn't the reason why he started crying on the gym floor. screw his knee for all he cared, tooru had dealt with his injury time and time again, a shot of pain through his bad knee hardly fazed him nowadays. nothing he couldn't just walk off.

⠀any resolve he had, his emotions couldn't be contained the moment you entered the gym. the pain he felt was unlike anything he had experienced before, clenching his jaw in futile attempts to suppress his gushing tears, his vision obscured and his ears focused solely on your soothing voice. he was too ashamed to talk amidst his breakdown, letting you do all the work and talking as he sat there, helpless. he didn't have it in him to dare explain himself.

⠀nothing hurt more to oikawa than watching you take care of him. even after your car accident, your amnesia, everything you've been through since then; you were still stubborn enough to take care of him first. the third year wiped his face, trying to collect himself as he watched you panic over his knee. his breath caught in his throat as he watched you gently place your hand where the brace was, as if afraid to injure him even more.

⠀"i'm fine," he whispered hoarsely, his voice drowned out by the remains of his early breakdown. "you can go, i'll be okay. you don't need to be here."

⠀even now, he was pushing you away - but your stubbornness remained. "but your knee," you urged, shaking your head as his words only seemed to pull you closer to him. tooru had never felt so claustrophobic in an open gym in his life. "please, you hurt yourself and it's my fault. the least i can do is get you something."

⠀you hardly even knew him. you had no recollection of him, withheld absolutely no memories - and yet you were as adamant as ever in wanting to care for his well being. he clenched his jaw at your words; he was beyond undeserving of your kindness from the start, yet you always kept finding your way back to him. he was nothing but a bad luck charm to you, but every single damn time you came back. tooru didn't know if you were stupid, or the universe just wanted to mock him for how he treated you before.

⠀he had only started getting back to practice for two days, only for his motivation to run down the drain the moment you waltzed into the seijoh gym by chance. even now, everything was coming back to him - he felt sick to the stomach. you were still fussing over his knee, almost cradling him as you looked around for anything that would get him off the ground. he was so distracted in his own thoughts that he never realized the pain in his knee never subsided.

⠀"there's a chair over there." giving into your relentless persuasion, he pointed to a folded chair not too far from the doors. "if you really want to help, getting me off this floor would be a good place to start."

⠀"got it!" no sooner had he finished his sentence, you were already off your feet, sprinting to retrieve the chair without a second thought. he watched you take the foldable chair and drag it back to him under your arm, focused completely on returning back to him as quickly as possible.

⠀something didn't feel right. his knee hurt much more than usual. while he became accustomed and numb to it, pain is pain. he tried to reach out and help you unfold the chair but you swatted his hand away, shaking your head as you flattened the seat for him to sit on. his breathing was ragged, fresh from his tears.

⠀your hand extended for him as support. after a moment's hesitation, he reached out and placed his hand in yours, the contact foreign as you managed to stand your ground for him. he pulled himself off the ground, clenching his jaw as he plopped all of his weight onto the chair the moment he hovered over the seat. he kept his right leg stretched out, to not bend or put any stress on his knee.

⠀before anything else could be said, you left him again, only to return with another chair for his leg. tooru watched silently as you took a deep breath, gently taking hold of his leg and lifting it onto the chair to elevate his injured knee. the male felt his heart race; how did you know to do this? the way you took control of the situation so effortlessly, it put him at a loss of words. anytime this happens, he usually has to tell people step-by-step to get his knee properly taken of.

⠀but you. you were always the exception, even now. what could the captain possibly say to you now? he watched warily as you simply sat down on the ground right next to him, looking comfortable where you were. the silent that soon passed between the two of you was deafening; you were right here. literally sitting here, you came to him. he didn't have to search for you. everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to explain was overwhelming his tongue. but nothing came out; oikawa was a coward.

⠀"do you need me to do anything for you?" he was alarmed that you spoke up first, your face confused as your eyes met his. "should i call someone? do you want me to grab your bag? do you need help outside?"

⠀"no." out of force of habit he quickly snapped back, only for him to clear his throat with a cough and shook his head quickly. "no, but thank you. usually the pain subsides in a little bit. i'll be able to call for a ride home once the pain becomes manageable."

⠀"are you sure? i can call hajime, i'm sure he wouldn't mind - "

⠀"please, do not contact iwaizumi." hearing his name out of your mouth nauseated him to the stomach. "why isn't he with you anyway? aren't you two always together?"

⠀you seemed embarrassed at the fact that he knew as well. tooru hid a scoff; only an idiot wouldn't be able to see how he followed you like a lovesick puppy. "yeah, i get that a lot." he was taken aback by your tone - you sounded annoyed. "actually i... i asked him to leave me alone today. he's left me alone since lunch. i thought it'd be harder to get him off of me, but he never argued."

⠀did something happen between the two of you? the brunet third year couldn't decide whether he should be concerned or relieved; his face remained neutral, but this was certainly news to him. "why did you ask him to stay away from you? don't you... enjoy his company?" he spat words out like venom in his system, pausing for a second before sighing quietly. "i'm sorry, i don't mean to pry. you don't have to answer."

⠀"no, it's alright." you laughed - a sound tooru hadn't experienced in much too long. goosebumps travelled through every inch of his body as you shook your head. "truth be told, i just wanted to be alone for the day. i also..." your voice drifted off, looking down at your lap as you spoke up again as a whisper. "i've been wanting answers to my empty memories."

⠀and just like that, an invisible force punched tooru deep in the gut, his hands visibly going to his abdomen and wrapping his arms around himself hastily. "your memories, huh?' was all he bring himself to respond with.

⠀"i'm sure you've heard about what happened to me, with the car accident and the amnesia that followed."

⠀oikawa's back stiffened. "believe me, i know all too well."

⠀"i hope you don't mind me just ranting to you," you pursed your lips and hugged your own knees together on the ground, resting your chin atop your kneecaps. "but hajime hasn't told me a thing about my car accident, and it's been getting to my head. he'll tell me vague things before the accident, but never about the accident itself. i just want to know, i want to remember everything myself." looking up at your fellow third you, your head tilted. "wouldn't you want to know?"

⠀this was what iwaizumi was freaking about? tooru had heard of his skirmish with makki and mattsun, but because he wasn't on speaking terms with any of them, he couldn't go up and ask them for confirmation. he was almost angry - who was iwaizumi to keep your life locked away from you? it was the perfect chance to throw tooru under the bus, but he never took it. why?

⠀"i... would want to know, too." he hated where this conversation was going, but he had no way out of it. he wanted the subject change so badly, but it was coming to a point where it would be suspicious to do so. he wasn't ready. he wasn't ready to face his demons and confront you about the situation. if it was going the way oikawa was imagining it to be, you knew nothing about him. and you were assuming he knew nothing about you, either.

⠀"it's been frustrating. weeks have gone by at this point, and i don't remember a thing. i just want to remember something, anything from what happened."

⠀it was all coming back to oikawa, that dreadful day. the loss against karasuno, the words that hurt you, and the way your unconscious body was in iwaizumi's arms as he told his former captain to never step foot near you again. tooru did good in doing that, as he deserved to never be forgiven for what his immaturity caused - but you made your way back to him time and time again. he didn't know what to make of it, and it drove him crazy.

⠀"i'm sorry, you probably have no idea what i'm talking about." he watched as you stood up, dusting your uniform off as you crossed your arms loosely. "just the ramblings of a little girl, nothing special. thanks for letting me rant, though." you looked down at his knee before locking eyes with tooru once more. "do you need anything before i go? it's getting pretty late."

⠀"i'll be fine. i think i'll get up and get my things in just a few moments. thank you for helping me." to prove his point, he removed his leg from the chair and slowly bent his knee to sit up more. the sting was there, but it was manageable.

⠀"alright." awkward silence ensued, before you bowed quickly. "anyways, sorry for distracting you again, oikawa. see you tomorrow." you turned around and began walking out of the gym, since there was nothing else you could say to keep the conversation going.

⠀"wait!" he stood up, walking fairly slow to catch up to you, which you had already turned around confusedly from the urgency in his voice. you remained silent as he stood right in front of you, hardly any space separating the two of you as he struggled to find the right words to say. "whatever iwaizumi has told you or not," he said quietly, "what i can tell you is that now and before your accident, you're a wonderful person." he swallowed a lump in his throat. "and anyone who ever treats you like shit... doesn't deserve to have you in their life."

⠀mixed feeling arose as he noticed the faint blush color your cheeks subtly, backing up from you after finishing what he wanted to say. "it's not much," he muttered, "but i wanted you to know."

⠀"thank you, oikawa." you nodded your head and smiled. you had an unreadable thought in your eyes as tooru acknowledged your gratitude with a nod of his own, before watching you walk out of the gym rather hastily.

⠀just like that, he had let you slip out of his grasp again.

⠀he waited for you to exit the school before breaking down again in self pity, sliding down against the gym wall and biting his lip quite stubbornly to avoid yelling out in agony.

⠀"anyone who ever treats you like shit," he whispered, "doesn't deserve to have you in their life."

a/n : too dramatic? probably KFKSKFKMD

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[sweet-cynical-writer]

Angst write: "I wish you would show me that smile like you do towards everyone else."

Written at 6:46 P.M.

Author's notes: I haven't been feeling myself. Yet, I honestly have no clue what my identity is. Who am I? Can anyone tell me... Who I am?

If only you knew.

Often, you were caught staring off into space. No one would really correct you except him. Granted, it wasn't every time you spaced out that he would catch you. Mostly it pertained to a life and death situation is the case more than half the time. Somehow you were close friends with death and Dazai wanted to know why. Why had death chose you over him? You were just another human being living life. There was nothing in particular special about you.

Out of anger and resentment towards life trying to take you instead of himself, he would save you. Each time you were in a type of danger that could lead to death he made sure to be there. There were times that you would even end up getting hurt enough to be hospitalized. Dazai was there at your bedside but not with a smile. He wore a scowl and a bitter distaste for you. The closest smile you ever got with him was a soft sigh of relief. Which wasn't exactly a smile either.

However, when you saw him around everyone else, he would smile so carelessly. The way his cheeks would turn a dusty pink made your heart ache. Why couldn't he smile at you like that? You dragged your feet to the graveyard to visit someone dear. The only person you had known to smile at you genuinely. When he held you in his arms you felt like nothing in this world could harm you.

He knew every little detail about you. The things you liked, disliked. Your personality and what made you happy, sad, angry, etc. Most importantly he knew who you were. You felt seen and recognized by him. Life was cruel, ripping him away from you in his early days. You still had so much to ask him. So many places you wanted to travel with him. Memories you wished to make with him.

"But he's gone now. Isn't he?"

You turned around quickly with tears in your eyes to see him. Why was he here? Did he sense your life in danger once more? Standing up quickly and brushing off loose dirt from your clothing you shoved past him. Only to be grabbed by the wrist.

"Don't even think about doing what I know you are going to try. It won't reunite you with him."

"Why not?! I hate living anyway. There's no point in waking up to a shitty life that goes nowhere. I'm sick of getting pity smiles or so called acts of kindness from others who just feel sorry for me."

He kept ahold of your wrist and you stood there glaring at him. For the first time he cracked a smile but it was only for a second. He pulled you into a hug before you could catch his mistake.

"Always be happy, no matter what."

Your eyes began to burn with the over flowing sensation of needing to cry. The tears streamed down your cheeks and you gripped tightly onto the fabric of his beige long coat.

"It's not fair that he left me so soon! He didn't get to see grow up.. I worked so hard to get where I am and he's not here to see."

He brought his hand to your head and ran fingers gently through the strands of your hair. The sensation soothed you but the tears kept falling. Having such a deep emotion as sadness for your loss has been pent up for too long. Dazai saw right through it. He knew you were troubled but he refused to pry until you were ready.

"I don't have him to remind me who I am.. I don't know who I am... No one else seems to know either. I'm just another face with a name given to me at birth."

You continued to sob in his embrace for a moment then stopped. Only to have realized you were crying. When was the last time you actually cried so openly? He looked down at you with that same unreadable expression. You hated it so much. Even after being vulnerable with him, he continued to play cold hearted.

"I don't even know why I'm still surprised you won't smile towards me."

He stopped you again when you tried to storm off. And this time you were fed up. You turned to slap him so hard across the cheek that it was deafening to his ears, creating a high pitched ring. His eyes widened feeling the stinging on his cheek. It left a clear red handprint and your gaze didn't soften. You didn't feel bad in the slightest.

What shocked you was when he took you in his arms again. He wasn't really the type to try so hard to comfort someone. Yet somehow you felt antagonized by this. Before you could rip away from his grasp he whispered in your ear.

"People go their entire lives not knowing who they really are. The best way to avoid such a crisis, is to ignore it and do what you like."

And you never thought you would hear something so stupid leave his lips. But somehow it made you feel better. If no one knows who they really are then why should you care? It didn't change the fact that he was gone from your life. There was no point in wallowing in more pity. Nothing good was going to come out of it.

You realized the most terrifying thing in life was to die bitter and depressed. Waking up every morning made you feel exhausted because you were already in the mindset of another dreadful day of living.

"We all die alone. I've realized that after I lost him. You know there's a saying that everyone loves you. But that doesn't mean they like you."

He looked at you and for the first time in awhile, you felt seen. You didn't feel like fading in the background or making up a poor excuse to get away from a fake interaction. This felt real.

"I find it easier to say I like something rather than saying love. It's such an over used word and besides, I consider it a fictional word some idiot made up."

#bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #osamu dazai #angst writing #angst #dazai x reader #ada dazai #angst drabble #zai writes

[shewhowillnotbenamed1]

Synergy - Part 2

Part 1

This is Part 2 of the first DamiRae I ever wrote... And it is long overdue. @ravenfan1242​ Happy belated birthday!!!

Prompt List

---------

Figures.

A dark brow flew up as Damian motioned for Raven to board the plane ahead of him. Therein lay another poorly packaged excuse to check out her ass or legs. She had already caught him tonight.

Twice.

Ignoring a prickle of panic, the heels teetered her up the stairs. But moments later, the blinds drew up around a pale face at the window. Narrowed blue-violets scanned the tarmac, observing the animated conversation in Arabic. After he finished up with the attendants, long legs lifted him onto the jet with an irritating amount of ease.

Instead of taking a seat, Damian excused himself to prattle on some more. This time with the pilot.

A slew of impatient texts rapidly fired off to Beatrice. As more time was allotted to Damian, Raven increasingly relied upon her assistant. Since the initial meeting, they'd had over a handful of dinners. Accounting for flights and travel time, she'd probably been with him in the last month more than she had anyone.

As she typed, she glanced down at her blue-black nails with concern. Another side effect of breaking out of usual patterns - a lot of time between nail appointments. Although her veneer was overall impeccable, there was but the slightest crack breaking through to the surface.

An alabaster neck craned subtly in the direction he had disappeared to. She wasn't eager for his return or anything trite like all that.

But really, where was he?

He was certainly taking a while.

Did he think his time was more valuable than her own? They had barely discussed work when they were together. So what was to be accomplished between them, really? What was Damian trying to do - actually get close to her?

Suddenly, the familiar shuffle of Brioni loafers left her to ponder these deceitful thoughts no longer.

Finally.

Raven gave his olive-green sweater and black trousers a once-over. The hue managed to contrast with his dark skin in a distracting way, while simultaneously bringing out the color of his eyes, an arresting vert.

It was undeniable and utterly unfair for someone so aggravating to look like that.

Stupid, sexy Damian...

"Wayne. Thanks for dinner. You do have great taste." Raven noted. "I was skeptical about the use of your plane to take me to a ranch in Montana, but it was the best burger I've ever had..."

A hardened jaw slackened at her assessment. "Glad it was up to your standards, Roth."

"So far." Raven backtracked. "The best burger I've had so far." She couldn't concede completely.

"Tch..." He clicked his tongue in the way he did. "Next time, we'll swing by the coast and maybe get some ceviche..." Damian began, telling her what her future plans would be with an air that stunned and excited her. And he sat beside her, all the while moving closer to her, her hand laying on her cheek. "Or we'll do a weekend trip. Get some poke at this little stand on the side of the road in Hawaii -"

"Wait..." Raven held up a hand, recoiling slightly. Her indigo eyes flashed. "Damian?"

Damian let out a humorless laugh. "Is something wrong? Is it the fish? We have had sushi twice."

"No, not wrong...exactly." The pale girl worried the rose-colored skin of her lip.

"Alright, then." With that, Damian leaned back in his seat.

"What are you doing?" The man turned to her as if she was crazy.

"I thought I was having a good evening." His jaw was no longer loose, it tensed. Twitched. "What is it now, Roth? Do you have a problem? Or an itch?"

That patronizing attitude only confirmed her need to keep their distance.

"Just one." A pale finger gestured to the top of the sleek, white leather and polished cherry wood cabin. "Why are you sitting so close to me?"

His lips pressed into a hard line. "It's my plane. I'll sit where I want." Damian said definitively, offering no other explanation.

He was so irritating in that way.

"It's a large enough plane to comfortably seat twenty - at least." Raven tried. "Surely you can sit somewhere else besides next to me?"

The deep voice was barely inflected and unwavering. "I want to sit here."

"Your legs are longer than mine - that one has more leg room." Raven pointed across the aisle. "And you'd have the adjacent seat for even more room."

"Hmm. Still, no. I'm sitting here." The calloused hand tapped the arm of the seat, slowly, one thick finger at a time.

Raven gritted her teeth. "Damian, please."

"Make me."

"Make you?" Raven blinked rapidly.

She could barely believe the words she was hearing him speak aloud.

"Yes." The white teeth sparkled brilliantly against his deep skin. "If you want me to move so badly, why don't you make me?"

"Oh, I see." Raven smirked. "Are you finally making the change from a man-child to an actual child?" She retorted with her arms folded. "Long overdue, if you ask me."

"Yes, Raven," Damian echoed. His tone grew steadily more self-righteous. "I'm a child. And this child can sit anywhere he wants on his "PJ"."

"No. I am not going to stand for this." There were some things that were inexcusable. And this was one of them. "I know it's yours, but please - never call it that again. It's a private jet. It is not a PJ -"

Damian continued his tirade, as if she hadn't spoken. "And this child wanted his apartment, but of course you had to have your way there, as well."

Here we go.

Was this whole maneuver some ploy to seek petty revenge? "Fine." Raven retorted. "You like your planes and your cars, but Damian: Why won't you just find another apartment?"

"I'll have you know, I do have other things I desire - things that are not solely materialistic." Damian appraised her openly and received a series of smoldering embers. "And for the record, I have found a place..."

"Well, good." Raven mumbled. "That's great..." She tried again, but she was overtaken by an odd sense of loss. "Really great." The apartment was a source of guaranteed discord between them; it was something they bickered about consistently. And though she was happy for him, they had built up a rapport on top of this (supposed) slight. What would become of their banter without a collective source of contention? "Was yours also your first?"

"My first...?" He curiously searched her. "The first apartment I bought on my own - yeah." With the lessening of crackling static, the air in the cabin had begun to shift.

"Congratulations..." Raven offered. "Our firsts, they're always milestones..." And she swallowed. "So, I guess we can move on."

Damian repeated wistfully, "you want to move on from this?"

"Yes." The pale girl exhaled, relaxing her posture a fraction. "You lost the place you wanted initially, but maybe this one will be better?" She flicked the arm of his seat coyly. And Raven couldn't resist the compulsion to get one last dig at Damian. "Though, I doubt it." She hissed. "Second. Place."

"There." Damian growled, as if she had proved his point. "It's because of that..." He paused. "You say you want to move on, but you don't." Then he sighed, carving a rough hand harshly through his hair. "I - want so badly to like you, Roth. But, you just can't resist pushing my buttons. And gloating."

"I don't gloat, I'm confident." Raven spat. "And confidence comes from knowledge and experience, not arrogance." She was a CEO after all.

"Alright, bravado is good in business..." Damian licked his lips. "But, does that over-inflated ego satisfy you at the end of the night when you're alone in your office?"

Her dark bob shook at the lecherous undertone. "What are you getting at, Wayne -"

"You alone in your office, Roth..." His voice, it had gone dark and decadent. "Sliding off your Jimmy Choos under your desk and sinking back into your chair... To slip a hand up your thighs under one of your tight pencil skirts..." An angry flush was rising on a pale face. But her body warmed at his words, as it, like her eyes, found Damian a pleasurable point. And it too betrayed her. "Or how about in bed? I bet when you finally lay yourself down on top of those thousand thread count sheets, it's just you and your bloated ego. Does it manage to keep you warm at night?"

"Actually, yes. It does. But, thank you once again for your overly-invested concern." It was true about her ego. But if it ever didn't, she had a steady rotation of men to do it for her. "If you think you're going to shock me, you can't." She deadpanned. "Think about me alone, quite a bit, Damian?"

"You didn't answer my question..." The beautiful smile was cruel. "Raven, I'm not talking about the... uh, toys you've collected to keep you warm. I mean, have you ever had a real relationship?"

"Are you prying to prove a point?" Raven raised a brow. "In case you were asking "for a friend", you should know that, I have."

"I find that hard to believe." Damian scoffed.

As if.

"I think you're... projecting." Her heartbeat surged as she countered. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"There's that misdirected overconfidence making you assume things again."

"Misdirected? No, I think... you've never been in a relationship." Damian glared, she could even see his nostrils flare. "No... I know you haven't. You wanted to find out if I had been though... You've also mentioned, what did you call them... my toys - several times before now. So the question is why?"

"It's not as a big deal as you're making it." He rolled his eyes and settled back into his plush seat, facing away from her. "You're delusional."

Damian wanted to end this; he knew he was going to lose. But Raven was not going to end this. Not yet. She faced him. "So you're obsessed with my love life? I think I know why."

"I'm not doing this with you," He growled. With a click his seat belt came undone. "You're off base, Roth. You're not as perceptive as you think." Damian motioned to his temple.

Raven realized faintly that she did indeed "make him". But she no longer cared about that.

No. This had become so much more.

"I'm every bit as perceptive as I think I am." Pale hands unbuckled her own seat belt and inched closer. Damian started to rise, pulling out his phone, suddenly finding it fascinating.

"Sit down, Damian." Raven forced him back down into the white leather, and his phone clattered to the ground. Damian probably could have overpowered her, but he allowed it, just like she knew he would. "You wanted to sit here, this plane is your real estate, so don't change seats on my account. I'll accommodate you."

"You're - crazy." Wide emeralds darted around madly.

"Yes, I am." She leaned on either side of his arm rests. Raven had caged him in. "You knew that already. And yet you keep inviting me out."

"What are you doing?"

"Proving my point." She gripped his hair in a fist. As his cool façade cracked. The faintest hint of pink rose up his cheeks, as he glared at the floor. Damian refused to meet her eyes, but she wanted to see it. The seconds leading up to the break, when he gave in to her. Raven pulled his hair back with a devious, self-satisfied smirk, forcing him to look up.

In what was so obviously a last ditch effort to keep his pride, he growled, "Roth, I'm warning you. If you don't get your highfalutin manicured talons off me -"

"You'll what, Wayne?" His Adam's apple dipped down again. Damian was all bark and no bite when it came to her.

They both knew that.

"Do it, Raven. By all means, test me..." Underneath, she could hear a faint plea masked by his harshness.

"I bet you'd like it if I did." And Raven knew he longed to see what she was up to.

Raven concentrated on the widening stare of deep jade, finding herself transfixed. That unique shade, so much darker and more dangerous than dollars. Damian's dollar bills... She could recall to mind a certain photo shoot. But in her mind, it was decidedly less philanthropic.

Damian Wayne. Hard and sculpted under taut, rich caramel. Supine and outstretched. Enticing with nothing but dollars sliding down his decency. Down and down they fell... Raven licked her lips, feeling famished after that huge meal. But in a way that was more carnal.

"What the hell are you staring at anyway?"

#damirae #demonbirds #raven and damian #damian x raven #raven roth #damian wayne #au #business au #writing #me #fanfiction #teen titans #titans #dc #raven #dcau #I hope this is sufficient #So much has changed since part 1... #It's been a while #PJs!