#i'll be updating the art once i get back from my trip

[esper-aroon]

for @mdzsrbb

(now with the final art version updated!)

my third art for the reverse bang and it's time for some palace au vibes for wangxian! thanks to my amazing writer, @/dilfzhxn (twitter) / sunandseas (ao3) - everyone go check out the fic!

the sky gave you everything by sunandseas (on ao3)

Emperor Wei Wuxian does not want to get married, it's not why he does this job, it's not what he needs, in fact, all he needs is Lan Zhan, and that's it, can't everyone see that?

#mdzsrbb #mdzs rbb #the untamed fanart #mdzs fanart #wangxian fanart #fic recs #wangxian #after technical difficulties and some bad luck we're finally here! just a little late #i still cannot believe the bad luck lol #i'll be updating the art once i get back from my trip #but for now this is the version #my art

[crackedpumpkin]

|| ʙʟᴀɴᴋ ᴄᴀɴᴠᴀꜱ || ᴘᴛ. ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ||

a/n: Hello loves! So sorry I kept y'all waiting for part three, I hope you enjoy this! Just wanted to let y'all know that I'll be flying off to South Korea for a vacation, and will only be back on the 22nd of June so updates will be paused till then. I'll try to continue writing on my trip, but there are no guarantees I won't be too tired lolol. Love, pumpkin.

[ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ] | [ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ] | [ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ]

Blackmail — The act of attempting to force someone to do something or give up something valuable by threatening negative consequences if they don’t, especially revealing negative information about them.

That's what the online dictionary says anyway, which is perfect! 

As such, it wouldn't be blackmail as much as it would be....persuasive negotiation. Which is the exact opposite of blackmail, which, again, is perfect! 

Yeah, you’re getting nowhere with this.

You stifle a defeated groan as you collapse onto the plush mattress of your bed, dragging your hands down your face. Your phone beeps with a message, startling you out of your thoughts.

Nicole [ 7.15 PM ]: Did you find what you were looking for?

Nicole [ 7.15 PM ]: ? 

Nicole [ 7.30 PM ]: Update me tomorrow.

Right. Nicole. Your hand falls limply to the side, fingers loosely gripping the device.

Crap. 

How would you explain it to her? She’s always been good at sniffing out your lies. To tell, or not to tell. That is the question. Maybe you should just pretend nothing happened. That’d be the only reasonable thing to do in this situation, right? 

But your art is at risk here. And if it’s anything you’ve learnt over your many years of living, it’s that you’re a stubborn bull that can’t back down once you’re set on something. And right now, you’re set on getting Spiderman to be your model. 

You might get your mojo back if you draw him enough times. Maybe your art block won’t be so constipated anymore, and perhaps you might even get into the art school you have your eye on.

And maybe, just maybe, you might catch the eye of the art scouts at the end-of-year exhibition.

So there’s no way you can afford to give this up. 

You’ll convince him. You have to.

— — — — — 

“So, why’d you ignore my messages yesterday?” 

You flinch away from the sudden hand on your shoulder, fingers decorated with rings glinting in the sun. Michael winces from where he’s standing opposite you, taking a long, slow sip of his juice box. 

You stammer out Nicole’s name in surprise, the girl in question looking at you with a raised brow and serious eyes. She scans your nervous smile and flushed cheeks, letting go of you with a nod. 

“You met him. How was it?”

Damn it.

“I didn’t end up meeting him,” You say with a defeated sigh, hoping it’s not excessive. Being under Nicole’s observant gaze is one of the scariest experiences in the world, with pigeons in close proximity a close second. 

“Okay,” Her dubious tone gives you a slight sense of hope, only for your heart to drop at her next question. “So, why’d you ask me for Miles’s photo?”

“I, uh, ran into him and thought he looked familiar. So, I asked for his picture to double check,” You admit, hoping the truth mixed into some lies would be enough to convince her. 

“Right…What’s your impression of him, then?”

“Cute?” You blurt out without thinking, recalling the framed picture of his young self with his parents on the small table.

“You think he’s cute?”

“M-maybe?” You try, but it clicks once you see the disgust in her eyes. “Yes! I do, in fact, find him very attractive. One might even say that he is now my…crush?” 

You pray she doesn’t notice the underlying wince in your words. Nicole shudders, taking a small step away from you. “You need to get your eyes checked or something. I’ve known the guy since we were in diapers, and trust me when I say that he’s nothing but trouble.”

“I won’t do anything, I promise. Besides, I’m sure the crush is just temporary. It’ll blow over before you even know it!” Mainly because you don’t have a crush on the guy in the first place. But you do need to figure out a way to trap him to persuade him into being your model.

“Wait, you met Miles?”

“Why’re you glossing over the fact that she likes him?” Nicole says incredulously, gesturing to you with wide eyes. It’s probably the most expressive you’ve ever seen her, save for the time you invited them to go cafe hopping with you on a sweltering Monday. 

You’d never heard so many variations of curses before, all of which Nicole unintentionally introduced you to. Since then, you’ve learnt to only hang out on cooler days with better weather and cafes within walking distance.

“So?” Michael shrugs nonchalantly, but the amused smile on his lips suggests otherwise. “Why are you so affected?”

“Because it’s my best friend liking Miles Morales - the guy I’ve known since we were babies. He’s not good enough for her.” Nicole decides with a frown. You turn to her, tears brimming in the corner of your eyes as you place your hands on your heart.

“I’m your best friend?” Nicole rolls her eyes at your words, crossing her arms. “You can drop from that tier anytime, so you better watch out.” She replies simply with a halfhearted glare, but her words have no bite to them. Her ears are tinted red.

“Aww,” You coo, throwing your arms around the girl who baulks in surprise, almost falling to the ground had you not steadied both of you. She wriggles under your tight hug, giving up quickly with a groan. 

“Let me get in on that, chicas-” Michael is cut off when you kick his ankle, biting back a pained cry while you continue to hug Nicole, who has a satisfied smirk at your action. “Good job.” She pats your arm, and you reluctantly let go, dramatically wiping the tears away.

At least you succeeded in distracting her.

The rest of the day practically flies by, your body on autopilot and going through the motions of taking out your textbooks and doodling on them. Math, Science, and History were all meaningless in your eyes as you tried to make another plan to meet him. The past three attempts had shown you exactly how difficult it was to meet with the hero, much less alone. 

You’re not one to give up, though. You stare down at the piece of paper filled with doodles and scribbled words — an outline of a plan, circling Spiderman’s name in red. 

Okay, let’s try this again. 

Attempt #1: Meet Him At The Park - The Friendly Way.

You take a tentative glance around. Good, No dogs are in sight. You look over to the park's far end, where you had set up a sign saying that dog treats were being given out for free if they assembled there.

Sometimes, lying is an essential means of survival. Another quick scan of your surroundings confirms that no one is in the path of the taco truck, and feeling only slightly guilty when you spot the owner’s surprised expression, wondering why his usual customers aren’t present. 

However, you try not to linger on that, choosing to double-check if everything you need is on you.

Phone? Check. Earbuds? Check. Wallet? Check. Spiderman?

You grin once you spot the masked hero landing in front of the taco truck, right on schedule. 

Check. 

Standing up, you slowly make your way over, giving him time to place his order. Every step is light, your heart oddly calm as you approach him. Yeah. You got this. It’s just getting him to agree that’s the hard part.

Okay. You got this. Play it cool.

Walking up to the taco truck, you clear your throat, propping your elbow onto the small metal platform near the baskets of condiments. You casually glance at him, scanning his suit from head to toe before meeting his eyes.

“Hey.” 

“Hey,” he replies slowly with a slight tilt of his head, surprised by your sudden presence. He taps his fingers against the cold metal of the taco truck in a steady rhythm. You take a slow breath. You can take your time. It’s just a boy under the mask, after all.

“So, how’s being Spiderman going?” You ask absentmindedly, looking down at your nails and only now noticing that you’re in desperate need of a manicure. 

“It’s going good. And you?”

“Could be better.”

“That doesn’t sound good. Is it anything your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman can help with?” His words are filled with worry, now giving you his full attention.

Got him.

“Well…” You trail off, barely managing to hide the excitement in your eyes and voice. Now’s the time to approach him carefully. If you’re careless, you could lose one of the few opportunities to get him to be your muse. 

“Uh-huh?” He grabs the paper bag of tacos the owner hands him, handing him a crumpled bill from a hidden pocket in his suit with a quick nod of thanks in one smooth movement. However, he hears a slight commotion a short distance away, eyes narrowing as he tries to determine the source.

“I’m an art student, and I need a muse,” You continue, encouraged by his questioning hum and failing to notice the way his gaze is focused on something happening behind you. “So I was thinking-”

“Right, uh, miss. You seem like an absolutely wonderful lady. I’m so sorry, but we’ll have to continue this conversation another day. Duty’s kinda calling right now. I’ll pass by the basketball court tomorrow, and you can ask me your question there?” You can’t tell if he’s smiling, grinning, or even scowling under the mask. But it didn’t exactly sound hostile, so that’s that you suppose.

“Meet me at the sub shop on Fifth Avenue, two lefts after the huge statue and a right at the Lego store. Two-thirty P.M.,” You reply immediately. Why Mr Perez’s shop, in particular, you didn’t know. But you’re not about to chase after his ass again after the last few times. Not a chance in hell.

He agrees with a quick but apologetic nod, already swinging off with his paper bag of tacos and heading toward the angry horde of dog parents around the sign you placed earlier. You watch him land before them, trying to calm the group down.

Well, at least you got an appointment with him tomorrow. The problem now is how to make sure he accepts. Plus, him constantly running off isn’t the most ideal scenario in your situation.

So, you have to make sure he stays put.

You walk off, heading to the sub shop with the beginnings of an idea. (While simultaneously forgetting about the horde of dog parents who’re growing increasingly angrier from the absence of promised dog treats).

— — — — — 

“Mr Perez, nice shirt! Did you separate the whites from the colours? It looks so clean!” You greet as soon as you walk in, taking a deep breath and smiling at the scent of pickle brine. The store is relatively empty, the last customer leaving through the door just as you walked in. 

The store owner walks to the glass door, flipping the sign around to read Closed. He sends you a wary glance, walking back behind the counter to start cleaning up while you lean against the glass display case.

“What do you want?”

“Who said I wanted anything?” 

“You only compliment my laundry when you want something.” It’s true. You do tend to do that. You suppose it’s time to be rid of the habit. But not today, for you have much more important goals to pursue. 

“Okay. I need to borrow the storeroom for, like, a couple of hours tomorrow afternoon. No disturbances, complete privacy. Not even Didi is allowed in.” You get straight to the point, not bothering to beat around the bush.

“...Are you doing drugs?”

“That’s gross. And unsanitary. If I were doing drugs, I’d do it in the Science lab at school.” You point out, scrunching your nose in disgust. 

“Are you smoking? Vaping?”

“No, and no. C’mon, Mr Perez, I thought you knew me better than that!” You huff, though you know that he’s just joking from the amused twinkle in his eyes. 

“Fine. Just give me the signal. Besides, Didi’s at preschool tomorrow till five.” He says simply, wiping down his workstation with a clean cloth. 

“Really? No takebacks!” You say with an exaggerated gasp, not expecting him to actually agree. The bright smile on your face makes him chuckle, shaking his head fondly as he washes up the kitchen knives in the sink. 

“What time will you be coming?”

“Two-thirty. Remember, you promised no questions asked!” You call out over your shoulder as you exit while raising your hand in a quick salute. You saunter on home with your hands in your pockets, chest swelling with pride that you got a guaranteed meeting with the very boy you’ve been trying to convince to be your muse. 

You’ve definitely got this.

— — — — — 

Attempt #2: Kidnap Meet Him At The Sub Store - The Friendly Way.

Two-fifteen P.M.

You glance over at the IKEA clock hanging from the wall opposite you in the storeroom, tying the string securely around the metal shelf. Taking a step back, you survey the setup, scanning it for flaws in your otherwise perfect plan.

You arrange the chair to sit behind a wobbly table that’s about to break any day now due to countless playtimes with Didi’s mischievous ideas. (And maybe some of your own, but Mr Perez doesn’t need to know that.)

The bright light in the slightly cramped storeroom only adds to the ambience (of what, you don’t really know yourself). The punching bag hanging in the corner of the room is definitely no cause for concern. Maybe he’d think that you’re really into exercise. All that’s left is for Spiderman to get caught in your perfect trap. You’re pretty sure he won’t get hurt in the process. 

The only thing left now is to wait. You head out into the front of the store, waving Spiderman over as soon as you see him enter. He follows with a skip in his step, only to slow down when you guide him into the storeroom. 

“Uh…This is new, even for me.” He comments, looking around at the stacked boxes and metal shelves, unsure of what to make of this sudden change in vibe. You gesture at the chair, closing the door behind you. 

“Sorry, I just needed a place away from prying eyes.” You sigh, discreetly watching him take a seat. He does so without hesitation, and you immediately grab the end of the string that’s hooked onto the metal shelf, using all of your strength (and the help of a pulley) to yank it. 

Spiderman yelps, dangling from the ceiling by a tightly secured string around his ankle. “What the-? You said you needed help!” 

“And I do!” You reply, a tinge of desperation in your words. “Just…just hang on.” You breathe out, taking the frying pan on the shelf next to you after securing the string and leaving him dangling still. You approach him, Spiderman failing to notice, too preoccupied with trying to escape.

“Michael better be right about this,” You mumble under your breath, taking a quick swing and hitting the spot on his head that Michael promised would knock anyone out instantly. Spiderman’s eyes close, his cry of protest cut off as his hands fall limply to his sides. 

“Oh.” You stare down at him, squatting down and reaching your hand out to gently massage the spot where you hit him with a guilty smile. You hadn’t expected it to actually work. “Sorry, Morales. My goals aren’t to harm you, promise.”

Standing back up with a wince, you can feel the joints in your body popping from the sudden stretch. You never really bothered with exercise, categorizing your sketching and painting as such.

You huff, grabbing his arms and pulling him across the room after untying him from the string around his ankle. “But one of them might be to start working out,” You say through gritted teeth, finally reaching the punching bag. You take a deep breath, doing your best to pick him up and hold him against it while you tie him up.

“No-” Your muffled cry is cut short when your arms give out, and you fall onto your back with the unconscious hero lying on top of you. You groan, pushing him off you, eyeing the punching bag with distaste.

Another repeated attempt ends in the same result, and your back starts to ache from the impact of the hard surface against your back. You see him starting to stir, your eyes widening in panic, instinctively grabbing the frying pan and hitting him again. He falls back to the floor with a hushed groan while you breathe a sigh of relief.

You stand back up, eyeing the punching bag, before an idea hits you. 

Finally, you sit in the chair in front of the punching bag, taking out your sketchbook from the bag you'd placed on one of the shelves this afternoon and beginning to sketch him leisurely. You spot him slowly blinking, regaining his consciousness as he realises that he’s tied up.

"So..." You drawl, leaning back in your seat with a lazy grin. The city's local hero, Spiderman, dangles upside down in your trap. You actually did it. You got him to stay put.

He struggles to get free from the tightly bound ropes, almost tugging off his mask in the process before giving up seconds after. “Not again…” You hear him groan in defeat, looking back up at you with a deadpan stare.

"I have to admit, I love the new suit." You comment, grabbing a pencil and doing a quick sketch, ignoring his earlier words.

"What do you want from me?"

You pause, looking up from your sketchbook. "You sound pretty young to be a hero." You purse your lips, trying to guess his age.

"W-what? No, I don't." His voice turns gruff, and you chuckle from how obvious he was forcing it to be.

"I don't really want much. Just to draw you is all." You hum, flipping a page and letting pencil meet paper.

"What?"

You don't respond, eyes trained on sketching the dimensions of his midnight black suit. "I like the spray paint."

"Thanks," He's surprised by your comment, hands still furiously working to free himself. 

"Aren't you a villain?" He questions, unable to hold back his curiosity. You weren't really doing anything to him either, not like the muggers or robbers that roam the streets at night.

You were just... drawing him.

"I just thought the suit was cool." You respond simply with a shrug, looking straight at the white material on his mask that hides his eyes.

He flinches, surprised by the sudden eye contact. "And you trapped me because...?"

"I wanted to draw it."

"You could've just asked."

"I tried. You weren't really paying attention, or you weren’t available. Hero duties and all, remember? "

Now that you mentioned it, the hero does remember you from the mugging and the excuses he’d made, shrugging sheepishly in response. 

"Oh. My bad."

The corner of your lips tugs upwards into a slight smile. At least he has the common decency to admit it.

"Could you untie me, though? It's getting a little uncomfortable." He voices out, fingers still trying to wriggle free.

"Sure, but I'll need something in exchange."

He sighs. Of course, you did. People always wanted something from him as Spiderman, be it a photo or to gain clout.

"What is it?" He's wary now.

You grin, hands closing the sketchbook with a loud snap as you place your pencil on your chair, getting up.

"That's easy," You walk towards him with ease, eyes filled with certainty. You're inches away from his upside-down figure, leaning in slightly until your lips are next to where his ear would be under the mask.

"Be my model, Miles Morales.”

He stills at the mention of his name. “Wh-what? I don’t know who this Miles guy is, but I’m obviously not him.” He laughs nervously, shaking his head.

You can practically see the waves of panic flooding through his mind. “You just changed the pitch of your voice,” You point out casually instead, leaning back against the wall with a smirk, your hands in your pockets.

“I’m telling you, I’m not this Miles guy you think I am. Though I’m very sure he may be cool enough to be Spiderman, I am not him.” He almost trips over his words, flinching when you move your hand close to his mask.

“Then I guess you won’t mind if I take this off?” You hum, spotting him trying to use his electric powers to break free. “Don’t bother. The strings are made out of insulated material.”

He flinches away from your fingers brushing against the side of his face, his eyes meeting yours and knowing he’s already lost this battle. “Fine.” He surrenders, his eyes narrowed into a hostile glare directed at you.

“Don’t be like that,” You chide, sitting cross-legged in front of him with a disapproving shake of your head. “Besides, I’m just here to make a deal with you.” 

“Is this about the model thing?”

“Yeap,” You confirm, popping the ‘p’. “Here’s all I’m asking. Let me meet up with you twice a week. I’ll even pay you ten bucks per session. All you gotta do is sit there.” The intensity of his glare lessens somewhat, though you can still sense his wariness. Makes sense, though, considering you’ve just essentially ensured he can’t say no. Besides, your terms and conditions aren’t half bad either.

You wait patiently for his response, giving him time to mull over it. 

“Deal. Now let me go.” 

“Uh-uh, not just yet,” You tut, moving over to your bag, grabbing the makeshift contract you drafted last night, and showing it to him with a triumphant grin. “I even added two different lines for both of your signatures. Spiderman’s and Miles Morales.” 

He rolls his eyes, and you take that as a good sign, cutting him loose. He falls gracefully to the floor, landing in a perfect superhero pose. You applaud, giving yourself a mental pat on the back for staying calm throughout the entire exchange. He takes the pen you hand to him, scrawling his name on the dotted line. You smile widely and keep the contract back in your bag, practically on cloud nine with this accomplishment.

Unfortunately, the euphoria makes you forget you’re still in a cramped storeroom.

Wincing when your elbow knocks against a loosely stacked box, you and Spiderman watch it slowly topple on its side, landing on the floor with a loud bang before looking at each other with wide eyes. 

Okay, so maybe you don’t got this as much as you thought.

You freeze when the door opens, looking behind you to see Mr Perez with his hand on the doorknob. His eyes flit from you to Spiderman, his gaze settling on the open box on the ground with vegetables spilling out of it before looking back at you with furrowed brows.

As soon as your eyes meet, you smile sheepishly. 

“I’ll babysit on Friday.”

— — — — — — —

taglist: (definitely not because I forgot I said I'd tag people lol)

@oh-kurva @brunnetteiwik @queerponcho @sleepingnova @1theestallionyas

#spiderman: into the spiderverse #Into The Spiderverse #miles morales #miles morales x reader #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x you #into the spiderverse x reader #spiderman: into the spiderverse x reader

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (4)

Chapter 4: Comatose

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

Warning: cussing, mentions of a panic attack

Word count: 8,129

Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hello, lovelies! The long awaited 4th chapter is here and omg I'm so sorry for the long wait! I haven't even realized it's been a month since my last update...but I had a lot of stuff to do for my University and just didn't find the time to write, but here I am now, and I'll try to update next week or after that! I promise you'll have lots of Mingi next chapter *wink wink*, but I hope after reading this chapter Yn's attitude will make more sense, and that she won't be so insufferable anymore to you all reading. Please listen to the fourth song Comatose before or while reading this chapter! Yes, I have totally made Mingi wear his waterbomb outfit in this chapter because waterbomb Mingi shall NEVER be forgotten, goodbye. Please leave feedback, I truly appreciate it! Enjoy now! I have a surprise coming next chapter, hehet^^

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

『I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose』

The blinking of the cursor was staring back at me mockingly, a reminder that my fingers haven’t moved in the past ten minutes. No thoughts connected to the theme of my project came to mind, no matter how hard I tried and how many articles I read. My mind seemed to be blank at the moment and it seemed like it wouldn’t get any better anytime soon. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling well. And that usually reflects in my work and influences my whole mood, and even day. I thought I would have a very productive day as I got ready this morning and went to the library to finish my art assignment, however, the little kick I had, came crushing down the second Mingi decided to sit with me. Well, perhaps that one small factor wasn’t the real reason which ruined my mood and brought me to the brink of a panic attack, and the current void and emptiness I have been feeling in my chest ever since. Perhaps it was the mention of Jeong Yunho and the reminder of how little I have always meant to him. My lower lip quivered again, and I allowed myself to fall back in the chair I was sitting in, staring up at my white ceiling in desperation. Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Yunho again? Was the Universe having a laugh at me? What were the chances that this Song Mingi was the same Song Mingi Yunho never shut up about while we were dating? It was frustrating. It was maddening and it was…mocking. I couldn’t help but feel bitter the longer I allowed the image of Mingi and Yunho laughing, hanging out, falling all over each other, linger in my mind. Their hearts filled with joy and their time spent with endless conversations, late night trips to the convenience store, random road trips and the overall feeling of knowing that you always had one person you could rely on no matter what. What did Mingi have that I didn’t? What did Yunho see in him that he never saw in me? Why was Mingi better than me? And why…was I suddenly feeling this vial jealousy creeping up in my chest like an ugly monster, the whisper of thoughts I have always tried to push to the depths of my mind after Yunho’s sudden, but heartbreaking, departure from my life?

『Straight coats and empty cabinets

Ashes from all the mess you left

New lease without you

I confess that I'm happy you're gone』

What was it about Song Mingi that Yunho was so infatuated with? What was it with Song Mingi that everyone seemed to like and gravitate towards? All I could see was the arrogance and self-centeredness rolling off of him in waves any time he entered a room. The need to shine and be the center of attention, to be the only person anyone was able to see, to focus on. The constant smirk or grin on his lips, almost always mocking or just an awful reminder that he was better than you—it was subtle, but it was there. The mischievous glint in his eyes as he watched your every move, hiding behind a wall of emotionlessness, sharp eyes watching but not giving anything away. There was no honesty in his expressions or in his actions. But why did nobody else see that? Why was I the only one picking up on how insincere Mingi actually was? Why did nobody question what he hid behind those dark and sharp eyes? His face so often void of any emotion. And then, to further prove my confusion, the Mingi I talked to today was—why did he feel different? Everything staring from his appearance to his behavior was unlike the infuriating person I have come to know. He portrayed a calm and collected nature, albeit still mischievous as he had taken my sketchbook without my permission, yet it was so clear on his face that he didn’t have any mal intentions. What prompted him to approach me out of the blue and why did he look almost…lonely? What drew him to smile so much and so freely? It certainly couldn’t have been me; I have done everything I could to make him feel unwelcome and uncomfortable, yet he…stayed. He talked without a care in the world, almost as if he forgot I would be judging his every move and sentence. He almost looked curious of who I was, trying to make conversation in which I did not want to engage in. What was it about Yunho that made his eyes sparkle so much? Why did Yunho have so much of an influence on Mingi? Why did it have to be Mingi? Why does Yunho have to be everywhere around me even after he leaves? Does Yunho really mean that much to Mingi? Just how deep is their bond? But the most jarring thought amidst the spiraling of my mind into a place I did not wish for it to go, was a very simple one. Why do I care about Song Mingi all of a sudden? Why do all these things matter to me all of a sudden? Who is Song Mingi to me to send me into an existential crisis, into a state of nervosity, and restlessness, and so much bitterness? He’s just a guy. A guy who is very irritating, arrogant, self-centered, and a pushover. A guy who only wants attention and is superficial. A guy who forgets about you the second he’s turned his back to you. A guy who only likes you until you’re new and exciting. When you start becoming boring, what does it matter anymore? Why would he keep you around for longer? Perhaps him and Yunho have more in common than I would have thought at first.

『So used to pain that it's my remedy

Easy to hate, I gave you everything

Funny that you're the one that ran away

You left me first』

I couldn’t do this anymore, I had to stop thinking. I needed my brain to shut up, to stop torturing me more than I was already hurting. I refused to reach my breaking point again just because Mingi mentioned that Yunho was his best friend—why was I giving him so much power? Trying to snap out of it, I groaned loudly as I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms, sitting up straight again to try and focus for the last time on my project. I had to get this done in two days, I really couldn’t slack off anymore. So, I opened the previous tab I was reading from and scrolled up in order to start reading the article from the beginning once again, hoping that the words in it would finally stick. But despite my attempt to finally focus on the only important task at hand, the loud ping of my phone quickly pulled my attention away from it. I jumped at the loud sound and cursed silently, having forgotten to put my phone on ‘do not disturb’. My eyes snapped down to it mildly annoyed, but quickly furrowed when I realized it was a message from an unknown number. I stared at it for a few seconds, eyebrows furrowing in suspicion.

Unknown: are u coming to Outlaw tonight?

Before I could really control myself, curiosity overtook me. It must’ve been someone who knows me since they were asking about Outlaw. They must have seen me there last time.

Me: who’s this? Unknown: mingi lol

My eyebrows instantly furrowed as I stared down at the message, my stomach doing a weird flip. My fingers hovered over the screen of my phone, tempted to just quickly block his number and forget about the past ten seconds, because what the fuck? How did he even get my number? I certainly don’t remember giving it to him.

Me: wtf? how do you have my number. Unknown: wooyoung

I blinked, mind blanching for a second. Wooyoung? That made even less sense as Wooyoung and I have met just once and I have not given him my phone number. I waited for a few seconds longer, waiting for Mingi to explain further, but it never came. No small dots indicating that he was texting anything else. I groaned and looked at my pale green wall for a second, trying to collect my thoughts and not throw my phone out the window. Why did he have to have my number? Was this Mingi’s way of getting on my nerves even more? And now I had to figure out how Wooyoung got my number—oh. I tsked in disbelief, eyes zooning in on the picture of Seulgi and myself I had on display on my desk. Of course, that little bitch. Why would she ask me first before giving my phone number to a complete stranger—even if Mingi wasn’t that, I still didn’t want him to have it.

Me: whatever, i’m blocking you. Unknown: so, are you coming then? Me: no, mingi, i am not.

I rolled my eyes at Mingi’s insistency of getting an answer and blatant ignorance towards my threat of blocking him—which wasn’t as menacing as I wished for it to be. But it only took him seconds to answer, and I tried not to think about how quickly he was responding.

Unknown: ok

My eyes narrowed at his simple—and sharp—answer, fingers hovering over the keyboard to fire an insult at him if he went ahead and started leaving more messages, wanting to remind him that I was not in any shape or form curious to hear any more of his bullshit. The bitterness was quite strong in the back of my head, jealousy searing through my body—I couldn’t help it. A minute or two passed, but Mingi wasn’t typing anything else and I huffed, irritated by his antics. Why was he even asking if I would go to Outlaw? I hated it the first time—well, maybe that was a little lie—and I still hate it now, so therefore I had not one reason to go and watch him perform again. Not one particle in my body wished to hear his raspy voice accompanied by a guitar, bass, and drums. I was quite content by going to bed early tonight and forgetting about the whole day, hoping that my chest would feel less heavy in the morning and the green monster would be gone from my head. And yet, despite my better judgment, my fingers worked quickly, before my mind could even register what I was doing, and I was saving Mingi’s number. There was no desire in me to have his name in my phone under any shape, so I stopped for a second to ponder over the many options I could be calling him, such as: idiot, dumbass, jackass, prick, mr. arrogant—were sounding rather pleasing to my ears—and yet, despite the wicked grin I had on my lips, my mind seemed to settle for a simple ‘I hate him’. His number was saved in my phone without putting more thought into what I was doing, and I was placing my phone aside, attention going back to my project. Now, there was nothing in the world which could disturb me again—but then my phone rang. I groaned loudly and felt like pulling on my hair, staring at my cursed phone heatedly. I was half expecting Mingi’s number to pop-up, but thankfully it wasn’t him. That would’ve been the last straw for today, I certainly would’ve gone crazy. Instead, it was Seulgi calling and I knew she had something important to say if she wasn’t texting. I picked up, albeit with disdain.

“Hey!” She sounded cheerful, excited. Very much the opposite of my mood right now.

“Hi.” I muttered and started tapping my forefinger against my desk, staring down at the article I had opened in front of me.

“You sound like you want to kill someone.”

“And I do.” My answer made Seulgi laugh, making me sigh. And that person was Song Mingi, of course.

“What’s got your panties in a twist this time, huh?” Seulgi’s voice was playful, and unfortunately, it was only building up my irritation. She didn’t have any bad intentions, but I couldn’t handle her cheeriness and playfulness at the moment. I needed to be alone. I needed to not think and just get shit done.

“Why did you call?” I preferred not to answer her question as I asked another one, voice not snappy just tired as Seulgi remained silent for a second on the other end.

“Noir Zenith are performing at Outlaw tonight,” I knew where this was going, I just gulped realizing Mingi had asked the same thing of me just mere minutes ago, “Do you want to come with me?”

“No.” My answer was too fast and harsh, I quickly tried to mend it, “I’ve got a family thing—issue, I mean. I’m sorry, but I can’t come because of it…”

My voice got quiet as I trailed off, not particularly fond of lying to my best friend, but I really didn’t want to go out tonight and I knew if I told Seulgi the real reason she would complain and complain until I finally gave in, her tactic of coercion working just fine on me. I never stood a chance in front of her when she would start complaining and whining and bringing up all the times I have bailed on her in the past.

“Oh,” It wasn’t hard to hear the disappointment in her voice, and if I weren’t in such a bad headspace at the moment I would have felt awful, “it’s fine, I get it. But…you do know you can tell me anything, right?”

I sighed loudly, “I know, thanks Seulgi, and sorry. I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“Don’t worry about it,” She was smiling now, adding a small chuckle too, “We all have bad days, I’ll see you at university tomorrow?”

“Most certainly.” A small smile made it onto my face and Seulgi quickly bid her goodbye as we hung up, silence enveloping me. I didn’t forget to press the ‘do not disturb’ button this time as I placed my phone on my desk, next to my laptop, and faced the article taunting me. Not finishing this project today wasn’t an option anymore, and so, I quickly dove in, the torturing thoughts finally silent somehow.

            The hours went by quickly and despite my mind struggling to focus on the task at hand, I made it. I finished the project in about four hours and it definitely gave me a little confidence boost, which I desperately needed after the emotional turmoil I was forced to face today. My mind was a mess. I was tired and I needed to sleep. I didn’t even care how early or late it was as I got into bed, forgetting to wash my face or even change into my pajamas, I just needed to lay my head down and close my eyes. And it was working well…until it wasn’t. The warmth of my thick blanket enveloped me and my head grew heavier as my muscles relaxed, the comfort of my bed bringing peace to my loud thoughts. It felt nice. To finally be able to forget everything that’s happened today, to just let go and…sleep. I really needed this; I haven’t felt this exhausted in a long time. I have never been good at dealing with my feelings, I usually pushed them away and ignored everything I felt…until they blew up in my face. Then, I would finally break and it was chaotic and messy. I knew it was the wrong coping mechanism, but I couldn’t help it. Nothing else worked, because I just couldn’t deal with the pain. I hated the overwhelming thoughts, the pressing heaviness and constant pain. I just simply didn’t want to deal with them. Drawing was a nice way of escaping my reality, but lately it didn’t help. It drew me up the wall, it was so frustrating. So many emotions had been steering hidden deep inside these past weeks, I didn’t know how to deal with them—I didn’t want to deal with them, actually. I needed them silent, gone.

And despite needing to sleep right now, eyes heavy and mind fuzzy, it wasn’t working. Nothing helped. My mind was silent, yet my ears were buzzing, whispers so quiet in the back of my head that I could barely hear them. My chest was heavy, it felt like I needed to cry, but my throat was closing in on me, refusing to let any tears to the surface. I could breathe, but at the same time I couldn’t. Turning on to my left side did nothing, but snap my eyes open. Why couldn’t I sleep? Why was this feeling returning? Why couldn’t I just rest for one fucking second?! I buried my head into my pillow and let out a silent scream, punching the soft mattress of my bed next to my head, legs trashing around as I needed to let out the creeping hysteria in my body somehow. Was I finally going crazy? Was my mother’s premonition finally blending into reality? She did randomly while watching TV, one month ago, tell me that I would soon face a challenging obstacle in my life, which would feel suffocating and relieving at the same time. Mind running per hour, I shot up in a sitting position and gaped at nothing in particular, recalling the memory of said night. But my mother said nothing else as she went back to watching TV, acting as if what she had said to me was totally normal. It wasn’t. But I was used to her quirky antics, she was a bit whimsical, but I loved her. Her intentions were always good and pure, she was a woman full of love and warmth…unlike me. Perhaps I was like my father…not that I could remember him, he’s left us while I was a little girl. We kept in touch until I turned approximately eight, after that…he never showed his face again. Something about moving to a new city and starting a new life, I couldn’t care less, he was never a pilar of support in my life. I didn’t need a man to bring me comfort, to make me feel safe. I had myself for that, and my mother—when things got too rough to handle on my own.

With a sigh, I reached over my bed and grabbed my sketchbook from my bedside table and turned on the small lamp, grabbing the pencil I had from underneath my pillow. Not one corner of my room was safe from my drawing supplies. I flipped the sketchbook open to a blank page and sighed, eyebrows lightly furrowing as I pressed the pencil against the soft paper. I didn’t have anything particular in mind as I started drawing. Maybe a small meadow with colorful flowers or a flower field, those sounded nice right now. It felt like they could fix my sour mood after today, like they would bring a little comfort to my overthinking brain at the moment. But I already knew I couldn’t control my hand when it came to drawing, and I wasn’t too surprised to find myself drawing the outline of a face. The lines were sharp and precise, darker around the brow bone and defining at the sharp and pointy nose. I added shading to the jawline before moving to the cheekbones, not making them too harsh. The sketch so far was looking like any regular face. It could turn into anything from here on. I could make it anyone I wanted it to be. For some reason my hand went to draw the lips instead of the eyes, usually those were the first thing I drew when starting a portrait. But this time, my brain focused on the dark outline of the plump lips and adding more depth as the Cupid’s Bow was deep and pointy. I licked my lips as I allowed my eyes to run over the eyeless portrait, subconsciously adding a small mole to the left side of its face, close to the jawline. I had a hunch where this was going, but I wanted to keep going—I couldn’t stop my brain from pushing me to just draw more. I allowed my pencil to run over the lines of the nose, making them sharper, lengthening it just like the person had it in real life. My hand hovered in the air for a second, reluctant to finally draw the eyes of the portrait, but I didn’t have it in me to stop right now. I always hated leaving my work unfinished—that was my excuse right now too, despite knowing who I was drawing once again. Yet not one particle in my body wished to stop right now, and I couldn’t help it as I finally drew lines sharp enough to accentuate the depth and glare in his deep eyes. The shading of them happened quickly and without even thinking, the small but dark mole sat comfortably underneath his right eye as I pressed my pencil firmly against the paper.

The breath which left my lips was sharp, and I gulped as my grip tightened around my pencil. I knew what I was doing this time, yet I didn’t stop it. Why? Why did I allow myself to draw—Mingi. His sharp and expressionless face stared back at me and I didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t mocking me, he didn’t have any twinkle in his eyes, he was just…there. On my paper, in my favorite journal-like sketchbook. And my heart was beating faster the longer I was looking at it. My stomach was twisting in a foreign way and I felt like I needed air. Fresh air. It felt like my room was closing in on me, I felt like I didn’t have enough space all of a sudden. The blanket falling on my lap suddenly felt too warm, like it was burning my body up. Without a second thought, I threw the sketchbook off from my lap, together with the blanket, and sprung out of bed, racing towards my closet. I threw it open and grabbed the first thing which came into view, a grey oversized jumper, as I stepped out of my slippers and slipped my phone into the pocket of my grey sweatpants, headed for my closed door. My throat was squeezing itself and it was a little hard to breathe as I frantically moved down the stairs, desperate for fresh air at this point. The light was on in the kitchen and I realized it wasn’t even ten pm yet as my mother was tinkering around, listening to some jazz music. I must’ve been loud as I almost crashed into the wall, struggling to put on my sneakers.

“Honey?” I heard my mother’s voice coming from behind me as I turned to look at her. Her ginger hair was a mess as her curls stuck out in all directions, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Everything alright?”

I nodded, fearing what my voice would sound like as I quickly wore the jumper in my hands, “Are you going out? It’s a little late…”

I hummed, licking my lips nervously, hand reaching for the doorknob, “I won’t take long, I promise.”

“Call me if you need me.” My mother had an understanding look on her face, it made my lips tremble, “I’ll pick you up.”

“Didn’t you drink?” My voice was slightly shaking as my eyes went to the wine glass she was holding in her right hand. My mother glanced down at it as if she had forgotten about it and quickly pushed it behind herself.

“We could always ride my electric scooter; I haven’t used it in quite a while.” My mother giggled at her own suggestion and I couldn’t help but let out an amused chuckle, the tightness in my throat lessening a little bit. How badly I wished to pour my heart out to her, to let my feelings finally loose, but I couldn’t. That would mean having to face what I was feeling. That would mean everything was real and not just made up by my useless brain.

“I’ll be home in an hour, don’t worry.” My mother just hummed as she watched me leave as I took my keys and closed the door carefully behind myself. The crisp air of the evening was a harsh wake-up call that I should’ve worn a jacket as well, but I didn’t have it in me to walk back inside my warm house. I couldn’t. I needed to walk. I needed to clear my mind. I had to get rid of this awful feeling in my chest. And so that’s just what I did, I walked. I took off towards nowhere particular as my feet carried me down the sidewalk, the streets illuminated by the lampposts, creating just enough light, but not too much. A few cars passed by then and now, the neighborhood relatively quiet at this hour of the evening. The cold air was biting at my cheeks and I buried my hands in my pockets, taking a deep breath before releasing it slowly. It felt nice as the cold air traveled through my throat, deep down into my lungs. It was refreshing, it was just what I needed. As I took a left turn, I left my neighborhood and realized I was headed towards the city center, more people on the road now as it was the main one. Groups of teenagers passed by me and I shivered at the sudden cold breeze. I looked around and watched as it picked up and blew the branches of the trees apart, more leaves falling to the ground, creating a blanket of orange and burgundy underneath our feet. The leaves crunched under my shoes and I felt myself smiling as I kicked into a smaller pile gathered up on the sidewalk by the wind, memories of my childhood fresh in my mind. My mother would always gather the leaves in our small backyard and then she’d take me outside and we’d play around for hours in the leaves, giggling and laughing as we’d pretend that I was a princess and she was the leaves monster trying to kidnap me from my kingdom. Despite my mother struggling at times, my childhood never lacked anything, and it was filled with many happy memories. Sometimes I wondered what changed that I turned into such a moody and sour person. There were remnants of my old self when I was with Seulgi or with my mother, but I was pretty bad at opening up to strangers, at letting others in…especially males. I couldn’t help but think they had other motives and were only waiting for the right time to fuck me over, to abandon me. My attention was brought to a couple as the girl screeched and ran past me, the boy chasing after her while holding something in his hands, giggling loudly and calling out her name. I couldn’t help but glance after them, the green monster back in my head, as the guy caught up with her and tackled her into a hug despite the girl’s loud complaints. I have realized, the guy was carrying dirt in his hands and the girl’s cheeks were already smudged with it, probably. My stomach clenched and it got harder to gulp as I tore my eyes off them, trying to take a deep breath, trying to push down the memories threatening to resurface.

But I couldn’t help it as Yunho made it to the forefront of my mind, our many dates stored away in a little treasure chest in my heart. We used to go on so many dates, Yunho loved trying out new things and visiting new places. Every second weekend he planned something new, he surprised me with something. I thought I was the luckiest girl on Earth. I thought I would never find anyone else who could love me and cherish me as much as Yunho—and perhaps I really never would. Because Yunho was special, because he made you feel like you were the only one in the whole world he could see, he could love. A small part of me still wished he loved me at some point. Of course, it did, I was so hopelessly in love with him once that everything was about him. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t live without him. He was the only thing I could think about, I could talk about. Everyone told us how well we matched; how perfect we were for each other. The both of us always smiling, always so nice to others. Before getting abandoned by Yunho, I was—I wasn’t like this. I smiled, I laughed, and I joked around a lot. I was happy and I loved life, I loved everything around me and I had this urge to discover everything life had to offer me. I couldn’t stay put in one place for too long and I always had everything planned out, each step of mine—my life next to Yunho. The promises he made were still fresh in my mind, I could still remember them despite being it a long time ago—but perhaps it wasn’t long enough, I have suddenly come to the realization of it. It was hard to breathe again as my favorite moment with Yunho was suddenly too fresh in my mind, too easy to recall. We had gone to a movie he really wished to watch, something about a girl who had to pretend she was a boy in order to make it onto the university’s football team to get revenge on her ex, it was actually a re-run as the movie had come out a long time ago, but Yunho loved it and he really wanted to watch it at the cinema. Of course I went with him, I wanted to see the movie too because Yunho loved it. And what Yunho loved, I also did. It was an easy watch, lighthearted and cheesy and predictable, it didn’t surprise me that it was one of Yunho’s favorites. But once the movie was over Yunho wanted to get ice cream, and as someone who loves ice cream—mint choco is the best flavor, fight me—I was eager to go with Yunho. But our peace of mind didn’t last for long as it started raining cats and dogs in no time, forcing us to take shelter somewhere—except that we didn’t. Yunho pulled me out into the pouring rain and he made us dance, he acted out cheesy scenes from Dirty Dancing, raising me up and flipping me around clumsily, almost dropping me in the process not even once, making me shriek and clutch onto him for dear life. I have never laughed more in my life than that night and I have never felt more loved that in that moment. Yunho’s eyes were shining with so much warmth and happiness, it was also the first time he said the words. ‘I love you.’ I couldn’t tell whether it was the rain or happy tears on my cheeks, but the sudden clenching of my heart and overwhelming feeling in my chest made me flung my body against his, holding onto Yunho’s tall frame like my life depended on it. And in that moment, I knew—I knew that I also loved him. But I couldn’t say it, not yet, not when everything felt like it was too much, so instead, I pressed my lips against his pouty ones and smiled as Yunho started giggling, only to pick me up and twirl me around in excitement before asking me to hop on his back, only for him to take off running towards his house. It was my favorite memory of us, for various reasons, but perhaps the main one was because Yunho was so sincere in that moment. Because I couldn’t hear any doubt in his words like the other times he said that he loved me.

『Straight coats and empty cabinets

Ashes from all the mess you left

New lease without you

I confess that I'm happy you're gone』

I came to a stop as my phone buzzed in my pocket, mind hazy as I tried to shake off the memory which felt so alive in my head. I could almost see it playing out in front of myself. If I reached my hand out, I could almost touch Yunho—but he wasn’t here—and I was allowing myself once again to live in the past, a very bad habit of mine. I unlocked my phone after I crossed the road, the sidewalk littered with various shops, most of them already closed as it was almost ten now. I had been walking for twenty minutes without even realizing it. Looking down at my phone, I realized Instagram had sent me a notification that Seulgi posted a story after a while. She was probably at Outlaw still, watching Noir Zenith perform. I pressed on her story and it opened to show a close-up video of the three boys performing, the camera focusing on Wooyoung for a few seconds longer before it was moved away, zooming in on playfully on Mingi. I had the volume down, I couldn’t hear what he was singing, but his eyebrows were furrowed as he was leaning forward, mouth moving in a fast way as his eyes were half-closed, veins protruding on his neck, expression almost like he was angry, almost like feelings were overwhelming him as he held the microphone in his left hand tightly. My eyebrows slightly furrowed, but I quickly pushed any thought of him away as I realized he was slightly…wet? His white shirt, the top buttons unbuttoned until they reached his chest stuck to his body and had turned almost see-through, but it didn’t seem like it bothered Mingi as he continued on performing. Heavy chains lay against the base of his throat and a blue sheer sunglass was sitting on his tall nose, almost sliding off of it as he was bobbing his head furiously to the music, his bass abandoned somewhere. As my eyes focused on the huge bracelet on his right hand and the blue and white scarf wrapped around his left wrist, both hands decorated with thick silver-colored rings, the video cut off. I remained unblinking for a second, eyebrows twitching as I realized Seulgi had posted the video not even half an hour ago. So…the band was still performing and…Mingi was looking like that. Suddenly I was glad I wasn’t there to witness him being all indecent and acting like a—something. I most certainly wouldn’t hear the endless praises if I were there and the constant screaming of his baboons—perhaps calling them his fangirls would sound nicer, but I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction—and with my current mood, that was the last thing I wanted to see and hear. Mingi was detestable and I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of going to any of his other performances, finding them useless as I wasn’t even into their music. I started walking again, aware that the wind had picked up more, rustling the branches and leaves harsher, making me shiver in my underdressed state, reminding me that I should head home now. I said I wouldn’t stay out for too long, my thoughts seemed to have cleared just a little bit, besides, the cold air was enough to knock me out once I got to lay in my warm and comfortable bed.

『I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose

I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose』

However, the second I wanted to exit the app and put my phone away, a new story suddenly appeared in Seulgi’s spot and I gulped realizing who it was. Yunho’s happy and smiling face was taunting me in his profile picture, and before I could control myself, I pressed the icon, opening his story. The username Yuyu followed by a sunflower flashed for a second on the screen and then—and then everything around me stopped. There was no wind, there was no sound of cars passing by or people talking as they walked by me. It wasn’t cold anymore. My lungs failed me once again, but my mind went silent. Completely silent. There was a rumble in the distance, but I couldn’t say what it was. A girl, much smaller than him—and a lot cuter than myself—was laughing in the boomerang Yunho had posted, her black hair falling around her shoulders nicely, the white coat barely hiding the short lavender colored dress she was wearing. And Yunho—he looked so happy, he looked—whole. His face had gotten fuller, yet features sharper since the last time I had seen him. I have forgotten that I was still following him on Instagram. He had his arm around the girl’s shoulder and was actively pulling her into his side as he was smiling brightly too, his protruding front teeth showing as he had his eyes on the girl only. He had tagged her too and I was clicking on her name fast, before even thinking about what I was doing. Her profile was public and she had many posts. Most of herself, but there were some of the places she’s traveled to as well. But her most recent post—was with Yunho. The two sitting on a bench, then a selfie, and then a picture of the place they had been at, with the caption of: ‘Luckiest girl in the world!’ I gulped and closed the app, taking a deep breath, realizing that I had started shaking.

『You wasted all my fucking time

Were never really in my life

You were further than I could imagine

I love you, but fuck you』

Why did my legs feel like jelly all of a sudden? Why did the heaviness in my chest get even worse? Why was I reacting like this? It made no sense. Yunho broke up with me three years ago and I was over him. He hurt me more than anyone has before, but I was over him. I have let go; I have released the feelings I have felt for him. But then why did it bother me so much that he found happiness with someone else? Why did it leave a bitter taste in my mouth? Suddenly why was the green monster back and making me clutch my phone tightly in my hand? If he was able to find someone, to be happy again, why wasn’t I doing the same thing? Why was I incapable of loving? Of being loved? Of opening up and letting in new people? Why was I forcing myself to wallow in my own misery? Why was I punishing myself by constantly living in the past? What more could I want? Why did I still wish for Yunho to return and apologize for everything he’s done, for the gap he’s left in my heart? For the turmoil he’s caused in my head, for the ache that never really went away with his departure from my life? And it hit me lick a wall of bricks, that something was hitting my flaming cheeks. Another rumble, and I realized it was thunder. Head tilting back, I realized it was raining—pouring. Washing away the tears which were making my eyes burn. When did it start raining? Why did everything hurt so much? I couldn’t help the sudden sob which wracked my body as I put my phone in my pocket as a futile attempt to keep it dry as my clothes were getting drenched the longer I stood unmoving on the sidewalk. But my feet felt heavy, rendering me frozen to the spot. Nobody was outside anymore. I was alone. Just as always. No matter how many people cared for me, I was still alone in hurting, in dealing with the mess I was. And it hurt. It made me cry harder as I pressed a hand against my mouth, trying to muffle my pathetic sobs. But it felt good—so good to finally let it all out, to just finally allow the misery to come to the surface, to acknowledge that I couldn’t deal with these feelings anymore. My chest hurt, my heart ached, my throat was getting more and more restricting, lungs burning for air, but I couldn’t fully breathe, gasping for air caused by my violent sobs. But the wind was picking up again and my body started shivering, and I realized I couldn’t stand on the sidewalk anymore bawling my eyes out as I got drenched in rain.

So, I looked around and found a place open not too far up ahead and took off running towards it, trying to get the strands of hair out of my eyes as they stuck to my skin. The diner was small and still open, the big windows showed nobody inside besides the girl behind the counter. I didn’t consider the way I looked as I threw the door open and stepped inside, alerting the girl as the doorbell chimed. She looked up and for a second we stared at each other, her eyes widening as her eyes wandered all over my body, making me sniff. At least I wasn’t sobbing anymore, just heaving for air. I must’ve looked horrible as I took off towards a table in the back, closer to the restrooms, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel embarrassed over my appearance. I fell against the cushion of the bench and tried to regulate my breathing, biting my lower lip as I realized my eyes were burning and my skin was ice cold. I couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to stand out in the rain, when it was so cold. I would most definitely catch a cold now and that was the last thing I needed right now, but it was due to my own stupidity. I wiped my face with my hands, which were slightly shaking, as the girl from the counter came over.

“Uh,” She shuffled around awkwardly as I looked at her, “Can I bring you anything? Or uh, help with anything?”

A slap in the face to wake me up to reality would possibly be the biggest help she could be offering right now—but I thankfully didn’t say to her. She already looked uncomfortable by not knowing how to react to my current state. I sniffed and went to reach for my wallet before I would look at the menu, I had no idea how much money I had on me. But I quickly realized I had only grabbed my phone before leaving, sitting inside a diner never being in the plan. So instead I went to check on my phone if I had any money on my card, but my phone wasn’t working. Nothing. No matter how much I pressed the button to start it, it didn’t work. Fuck, I forgot to charge it before stepping outside.

“Uh,” Now I felt embarrassed as I averted my eyes from the girl, “I don’t have any money.”

“Oh,” She sounded surprised, “Well, then…I mean, I don’t want to sound rude, but uh—I will have to ask you to leave, really, I have nothing against you, it’s just that—”

“Don’t worry,” I forced myself to smile as I looked up at her, her cheeks red from embarrassment of having to kick me out, “I get it. May I use the restroom before I leave?”

“Sure, of course!” The girl almost exclaimed as she pointed towards the little hallway which led to the restrooms, “But we’ll be closing in about fifteen minutes, so don’t stay inside for too long.”

“Yeah, I’ll just patch myself up a bit and then go on my way.” I muttered as the girl nodded silently and walked back to the counter while carefully watching me, making me roll my eyes. Okay, I might have been looking like a mess, but I wasn’t a walking bomb—no need for her careful gaze on me. It just made my blood boil as I tried not to stomp while I went inside the restroom, glad that I was alone inside. It was colder in here compared to the diner and I shivered as I realized the window was open. I headed towards the sink, eager to warm up my hands with a little warm water, but I gasped once I saw my reflections in the mirror. Jesus Christ, I looked horrible, no wonder the girl was looking at me like that and asking me to leave—even if the reason was me not having money on me. My hair stuck to my face and looked matted in certain spots. My cheeks were completely flushed with the tip of my nose red as well, and I had dark streaks running down underneath my eyes. I forgot to take off my eyeliner and mascara before going to bed and since they weren’t waterproof—here I was, looking like a character straight out of a fucking horror movie. I chuckled as I turned on the faucet and instantly sighed at the feeling of warm water against my hands, warming my freezing limbs a bit. I quickly gathered water in my palms and splashed it against my cheeks, warming them up as well, sighing in content. I was still shivering, my toes frozen, but this was helping.

『I don't care enough to miss you

After all the shit we've been through

My heart's comatose, comatose』

I let the warm water run as I ran my fingers through my hair, easing the knots in them and trying to make it look presentable as I basically brushed the wet strands back on my head, my hair already curling naturally. The next step was to get rid of the mascara and eyeliner streaks underneath my eyes and even cheek, so I quickly washed them off before turning the faucet off and grabbing some dry towel paper from the holder, drying off my face and hands. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, realizing that my chest felt so much lighter, there was nothing squeezing against my throat anymore.

“You’re fine,” I whispered to myself, gulping, “Fuck, you’ve got this, you’re okay, Y/N, you are okay. You’ve been pushing your feelings away for too long, of course they blew up in your face, you stupid bitch. I really have to stop doing this to myself, ugh—”

I rolled my eyes as I threw the used towel paper in the trash bin and then looked back at myself in the mirror, narrowing my eyes at myself and pointing a finger threateningly at my reflection, “Stop being a sappy bitch, alright? You’re better than this. Yunho’s got his shit together, why can’t you do the same, huh? Just go out there and find a fucking boyfriend, it’s not that hard—wait, no, actually don’t do that! I don’t need no man, got it? Got it.”

I nodded once firmly, a small grin forcing itself onto my lips, making me scoff at myself—sure, of course, bring Yunho into your peptalk, Y/N, very smart—but I just couldn’t help it. At least I was feeling better now, almost laughing at myself at how stupid I was as I stepped back and pulled my shoulders back, nodding at myself encouragingly. I got this! But now I had to run home in the pouring rain, that thought alone was enough to make me cry again, but I willed myself to stop. No more crying. No more sobbing—especially not because of the pouring rain. It was my mistake that I didn’t check the weather or bring an umbrella. I should’ve just gone to bed when I planned to, damn these stupid thoughts. With a last glance at myself, I decided that I was ready to leave the restroom and head home, my mother probably worried sick about me at this point since my phone wasn’t working either. I walked up to the door and grabbed the doorknob firmly, yanking it open a little bit too enthusiastically, but as I went to step outside, the male’s restroom door right across mine opened as well—and I paused, surprised.

Song Mingi was staring back at me just as surprised as I was.

❱❱ Next chapter

#bvidzsoo #cromernet #song mingi #mingi oneshot #mingi x reader #song mingi x reader #mingi ateez #mingi smut #song mingi smut #mingi fluff #song mingi fluff #mingi angst #song mingi angst #song mingi ateez #song mingi fanfic #ateez series #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez x reader #mingi scenarios #song mingi scenarios #ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez oneshot #song mingi oneshot #mingi imagines #ateez university au #ateez rockstar au

[nerdycanible1]

Am back! :D

Omg guys! Almost forgot I had this ((joking)) but nah seriously! It had been years since I've posted anything here! 💀

Anyways imma go back to my roots!! Y'all remember the days of Legend of Korra where I've only simped for Lin Beifong? 👀 But I've found a new lady, well not really but I've got a new love!!

So y'all remember (if not don't worry about it) the whole genderbent au thing I've created and it was female Tenzin and male Lin and stuff like that? Well I've got some stuff for y'all!

So first and foremost, this is Tenna. She is genderbent Tenzin (female Tenzin). She is literally so hot and I cannot stop drawing her! Currently working on the backstory and this will be nothing like tLoK, actually it will in some places but yes! A lot will be changed!

But look at her! She's gorgeous! 🥺 Also I just wanted to show y'all my improvement of art over the years! QwQ it has improved so much and I'm so proud! Anyways I'll stop rambling and let ya get to the photo!

Tenna: 55 years old

Tenna in swimsuit enjoy 🗿

Side note: Tell me this isn't the most Tenzin expression ever xD

Anyways, my thoughts are simple. Make hot women. :D I am smooth brained and frankly I've been a simp for my genderbent Tenzin for years.

I wanted to update her concept instead of the one I've created years ago (plz forget that 💀) and frankly I love this version better. She looks kind, soft, hot, and first and foremost Tenzin-ish.

What I have for her so far:

She is 51-50 just like Tenzin in tLoK

She has one confirmed boy that I've come up with and one confirmed girl.

Their names are Jin (Jinora) and Ming (Meelo). I haven't come up with anything else for the kids as of yet.

She is pansexual. No discussion on this xD

She is currently in a relationship with Peng (Pema). But ma'am is known to wander around.

Tenna is also more in tune with her nomadic life style instead of the whole business stuff.

Tenna left RC at the ripe age of 16, leaving Ling (Lin) in the process but no hate. It was a mutual break up. Ling wanted to keep RC safe and promised Tenna that everything would still be up and running whenever she wanted to settle down.

Tenna fell in love with an air acolyte (whom I haven't decided to name as of yet) and stayed there for a year before the world called for her once more. It was a short but painful romance, one that Tenna often thinks about.

Once she was back on the road she fell in love with a non bender (Not Peng yet), got pregnant and went to RC for Air Temple Island. She stayed on the island for a few years raising her newborn son Jin.

Ling helped with all he could, being there for Tenna, taking care of her and feeding her and dealing with her grumpiness. He took care of her and once the baby was born, Ling knew he would protect the child as if he were the one to help make the baby.

Tenna couldn't have thanked Ling enough and felt horrible she was "holding him back" from finding his true love. Ling wanted to confess right then and there that he loved her but knew it wasn't the right time.

During the time of the whole pregnancy and the raising of Jin, Ling and Tenna fell into a romance. Stealing kisses, sharing deep secrets, touches that crossed the very thin line of friendship.

It wasn't until Jin started talking and walking that Tenna thought it would be a great time to start exploring the world. Jin barely being the age of 3 or 4. Ling confessed to her that he loves her and that she wished she'd stay for him but told her it was a selfish request. He instead kissed her goodbye and told her to look at the Northern Lights for her on one of her trips. Tenna never felt such sadness and sorrow but she promised to keep in touch. She watched as Ling got smaller and smaller as the boat began to leave the harbor and leave behind her very best friend and lover.

Sorry friends but this is where imma stop it before I bore you! Let me know if you want more Headcanons or if you want more art of this fine wine of a milf!

Send me asks, or ask simply in the comments or Dms about any of this au. I'm happy to reply and I'm excited to say that I'll be posting here regularly soon! And you know of course that there's gonna be more Lin Beifong art so prepare yourselves!

As usual, all art belongs to me. If reposted please credit. Thank you!

#nerds #art #lin beifong #queer artist #tenzin #tenzin lok #tenzin legend of korra #lin beifong legend of korra #chief beifong #genderbent lin beifong #genderbent tenzin #legend of korra genderbent #genderbend #tenna #ling #lin to ling #tenzin to tenna #fanart #lok lin #lok tenzin #lok #lok fanart #nerdycanible #lok tumblr rise up!!

[majorproblems77]

Hi all! Bonus links updated! Which means I am back to ramble about it! :D

Hello hello!! :D

Hope you are all having a wonderful day (And if not maybe some rambling can make it better!) Bonus links is back with Homesick part 5.

I LOVE THIS COMIC

Nuff said :D

Im kidding, but im also not kidding. This comic is wonderful and always so well done! I love it sm, also mandatory Loft my beloved, because he is the bestest boy in the worlds.

For the important stuff! All art belongs to @bonus-links and the artist @ezdotjpg. Please go and look at their other stuff too! And I once again thank you for letting me do these.

You can find a link to the comic here!!! Please go and give the original post some love!

Now, Grab a drink, and some popcorn cause I am about to take you on a journey. Mainly a rambling journey, but a journey nonetheless!

Let's do this!

Loft.... Loft are you remembering the same trip I am cause you looked horrified. Im sure he kinda had fun eventually but I remember the shenanigans.

Wake is just happy to be here.

And poor wolf. He Frow up! (This made me cackle so much thank you)

Wake really do be :3 Gives me cat vibes.

I love how expressive he is. He's so proud of himself.

Oh my god, these two deserve the literal world I love them so damn much okay.

(Is this analysis just gonna be me hyping about all of these guys for 30 minutes. Probably, but that's what you signed up for so.... :D )

Okay okay okay

So, Aryll has a joy pendant and this gives me joy, did wake give to her from his adventure? That makes me so happy.

And Tetra! Holy hell she looks so cool! Badass bitch over here and I am here for it.

Also, just to check, Thats Linebecks jacket, right? The one he wore in phantom hourglass. I dont remember seeing him give it to Tetra at any point in time. So, how is it she's come across it?

I assume it's just he gave it to her at one point and she wears it as a sign of respect?

Ohno.... OH NO

Tetra looks like she is about to kill Ganondorf all over again, Also also, the background behind Tetra. Protective mode activated.

This one, I am loving how it looks like water. I was literally screaming, though, you get that feeling you recognise something? It's something Something about the water.

I'll be back...

(Investigates)

OHHHHHHHHHH

ITS FROM THE GANON PICTURE, ITS FROM THE GANON PICTURE. FROM THE UPDATE THEY MET WAKE.

THIS ONE

(From Homesick pt3 - link here!)

Also the shadows? The way the light comes up from below her rather than above her at this point. The final fight had this in the final stages. A nice detail.

This is the face of fear

Help him

Man is about to get killed, tetra is to be feared and I love her.

Also

I THOUGHT THE EYEPATCH WAS A FASHION STATEMENT WHAT HAPPENED. WAKE ARE YOU OKAY?

She has a point. Stabbing Ganondorf in the head is what caused him to turn to stone, so for all she knows Ganondorf could be walking around right now causing havoc.

And how, casual Wake is about it is probably not helping.

I love how protective of Gran Gran Tetra is, (as she should be Gran Gran is wonderful) and she has a point Wake like the hell why are you bringing in shenanigans on your poor Gran Gran's birthday.

HE

LOFT BELOVED

TRULY THE MASTER OF STANDING IN ALL TIMELINES I LOVE HIM A HEALTHY AMOUNT

okay im done

Yeah, Wake go and see your Gran Gran. Can't believe you are late so rude to Gran Gran.

Also him tucking the windwaker in the back of his belt, a nice touch!

Also, I know it's not meant to be a lil face, but I can't unsee the lil face on Tetras cheek. It's so angry and sad and I love it.

Tetra's inner demon is just as mad as she is

Oh my god I love Gran Gran so much

She is actually beloved because she's so sweet! And Wake loves his gran so much I just ahhhhhh

I love them

His little squishy face oh bless him.

Linebeck, Linebeck please, he's lowkey their uncle. Look at how disappointed Wake and Aryll look.

Gran Gran you look wonderful.

Oh they all got towels thats so sweet

Also I am loving the backgrounds, the inside of Gran Gran's House is just wonderful.

So here is some of the stuff I've spotted, which from my understanding come from a mix of Windwaker and Phantom hourglass.

Yahaha! You found him! :D

What I believe is the Town flower? I think that's right.

A Ruto crown I believe!

They went ice skating and thats adorable

Look at this boy

How could you not love him?

Cause I do

Loft my beloved

Me figuring out if this is saying Lie to my gran or Dont lie to my gran because of that hand.

Pretty sure it's Lie to my Gran. But I think it's funnier if it's, Dont lie to my gran.

Take it as you will

Loft using Groose, he looks so nervous I love him,

Wolf picking Rusl makes me so happy. Man is a hometown kid.

Slate, the sweet darling boy. I love all of them very much. Also, with that smug face, he 100% knew what he was doing.

This is the look of a man who likes you because his grandmother approves of you.

Also, I think I would literally die for Gran Gran i love her to pieces and if anything happens to her I will go on a rampage, (Affectionally, with a tub of ice cream)

This update was wholesome I loved it. AND THOSE BACKGROUNDS YES.

Background appreciation time

Look at the detail on the boat!

Even out of focus the fact that you can see the blades of long grass or the hatching on the window.

(ALso look at how sweet my blorbo is Loft beloved)

I just love how much detail is in the house or on the tree to the right hand side here.

And the little flowers just outside I see you. so cute!

Now inside the House is just so incredible looking.

The small details on the blanket on the bed, or the pictures on the wall. The fact that you can make out what they are at this distance is just so cool okay.

Again, the details on the items on the shelf, or in the flowers in the top right-hand corner.

It's just incredible how detailed stuff is and I love it.

Love it so much!

Okay thats my rambles done for another update. Thanks for following along!

I hope you have a great day! :D

#bonus links #bonus link analysis #comic analysis with major #ramble corner with major #bonus loft #bonus wake #bonus wolf #bonus slate #Loft my beloved #Wake my beloved #:D #bonus tetra #bonus gram gram #gram gram the beloved #bonus linebeck #bonus aryll #major yells about the fact that her blorbo is here? #more likely than you think #Let me know what you think!!!! #this comic brings me joy

[kairiscorner]

hello my babes 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 since we've hit 1k already, imma treat y'all to a little idea list i cooked up a few days ago !! y'all can request any of these prompts with any characters in atsv or jjk (i'll update y'all once i'm okay with doing other characters from other fandoms !!)

to not flood my inbox, please reply to this post with the prompt of your choice and the characters you want me to write for! please indicate if you want it to be in an au for some of these or if there are other conditions for the story/characters!

i'll only be doing the first 10 prompts, i won't be redoing prompts once written so please check the previous replies before you send in your request. thank you guys again for 1k, i love you all platonically 🫂💜💖

here are my guidelines;

i'll do drabbles, blurbs, oneshots and headcanons for each prompt

drabbles, blurbs, and oneshots will only be for one character.

headcanons can be for three characters only.

please be patient with your requests for these prompts!!

1K FOLLOWERS EVENT PROMPTS:

1.) meeting them at the park

2.) both of you are college professors

3.) they're your favorite barista

4.) they're in a band and you're their manager

5.) you're both big nerds

6.) running into them at an art gallery

7.) they're stealing shots of you

8.) you're doing their makeup

9.) karaoke night with them

10.) them teaching you how to swim

11.) saving them from drowning

12.) drunk confessions from them

13.) them treating you while you're sick

14.) you treating them while you're sick

15.) them helping you study for exams

16.) your name slips out all the time from their mouths

17.) their kid loves you

18.) watching you kick ass and they fall in love with you

19.) knowing you're the one for them at first sight

20.) them footing the bill for you

21.) them trying out childhood snacks with you

22.) making friendship bracelets with you

23.) writing poems with you

24.) stargazing with you

25.) birdwatching with you

26.) picking and planting flowers with you

27.) cooking with you

28.) painting with you

29.) you teach them how to dance

30.) you make their comfort foods when they're stressed out

31.) they bring a cat home with you

32.) they bring a dog home with you

33.) you two start singing a song that comes on the radio in the car

34.) meeting your parents

35.) they're a salesperson at a bookstore

36.) they're a librarian at a library

37.) they're your photographer

38.) you take them clothes shopping with you

39.) you play with barbies with them

40.) you play with legos with them

41.) you teach them how to play an instrument

42.) getting competitive at air hockey

43.) playing DDR with them

44.) sharing some of your favorite candies with them

45.) they get a balloon for you

46.) they set their photo of you with them as their lockscreen

47.) your birthday/anniversary with them is their password

48.) you catch them smiling at you

49.) their reaction to you wearing their clothes

50.) them singing your song together

51.) measuring hand trick to hold their hand

52.) them playing crane games to get you the prize you really want

53.) going on carousels with you

54.) riding horses with you

55.) they're always first at liking and commenting the selfies you post

56.) cuddling with them in silence

57.) they try to bake for you

58.) you two bake together

59.) you calming down their nerves

60.) your kid wearing a makeshift costume that's like theirs

61.) playing twister with them

62.) they get in an awkward position as they reach for something on the shelf

63.) them always finding your stuff for you

64.) them tying your shoes for you

65.) you tying their necktie

66.) they get jealous when they see you dancing with someone else

67.) going out on late night snack trips with them

68.) them walking out of a room after you, covered in lipstick marks from you

69.) them getting all mopey they lost the gift you made them

70.) them getting all clingy

71.) they fit your shoe back on when it comes off like cinderella

72.) you sneaking kisses from them

73.) doing the spiderman kiss with them

74.) them apologizing through flower language

75.) them shielding you from the rain

76.) you're their kid's teacher

77.) you always get them their daily fix of coffee

78.) you always bring them your homemade treats

79.) you collecting seashells with them

80.) making flower garlands with them

81.) a relaxing afternoon with them

82.) them telling you all about their favorite interest

83.) poetic ways for them to say 'i love you'

84.) watching romance movies with them

85.) holding their hand while everyone else is looking away

86.) telling them out of the blue that they're beautiful

87.) rollerblading with them

88.) you're the senior they always look up to

89.) they comfort you over something

90.) dancing with them on the table

91.) them playing with your kid

92.) indirect kissing them

93.) spoon feeding them

94.) them rushing up to hug you after a mission

95.) them grumbling their thanks after you saved their ass

96.) them holding your hand while you're driving

97.) they catch you sketching them

98.) they're your academic rival

99.) they're the rebellious kid while you're the goody two shoes

100.) how they'd propose to you (dating and marriage)

#kairi's 1kapalooza #silly ass kairi thanks you lil pooks :> #atsv #atsv imagines #atsv x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk imagines

[artemismoorea03]

A less ranty update

So some of you might have noticed a lack of story updates so for those who are curious and concerned I thought I'd give one here.

To start off for the past 3 months I've had a decent amount of pain in my left arm. I thought it was carpal tunnel or maybe a pinched nerve but as the pain kept getting worse I decide to get it checked out finally. Well, I went in for an exam, they ordered x-rays and well the results were a fun adventure.

Turns out I have a partial dislocation in my elbow, swelling and best of all a fracture. So, yeah. I've had a fractured elbow for who knows how long despite having not done anything to my elbow. I have an appointment on Wednesday with a surgeon to discuss options on how to fix it as well as try to figure out what caused it.

Then, just before I got the result from this things in my family got... complicated. My cousin drowned. Medically speaking he was dead for who knows how long but thanks to somebody at the pool they revived him. He was on a trip with his daycare and nobody from the daycare or at the pool even noticed. It was a 70 year old grandmother who pulled him out and a man who was there with his kids and pregnant wife who revived him. Nobody even noticed anything was wrong until after they brought my cousin back. He's alright now, he's acting like nothing is wrong and i can't go into more details than that because it's being investigated.

Now I'm sick as hell and running of fever of 100-101 pretty consistently which refuses to go down with medication - it sucks - but I am doing okay and feeling better than I have for the past couple of days.

I'm hoping to get working on stories again and hopefully post more on MAA but I've decided to wait until the rewrite is done before I post it all at once. Gotham is Haunted will get updates whenever the next part of it is done too but all of my writing has be considerably slowed down due to all of this shit going on.

I've been doing a lot of drawing though which is fun, so maybe I'll post some more of my terrible art in the mean time x'D.

Anyways, thank you to everybody who is being patient with me during this time and not giving up on me. Updates are coming, slowly but surely.

#ari rambles #monkies aren't alright #lmk fanfic #dp x dc #Gotham is Haunted #life update #lego monkie kid fanfic

[cleverclovers]

Rent is due tomorrow. I'm going to get a check for what I have currently, then take the late fee hit. It's going to suck, but a policy change means it's going to suck *less*. All I want for Christmas is one year of housing security where I'm not scrambling to make ends meet.

If you want to help me with that, I'm on venmo, Cash app, patreon and ko-fi as Rosesinclover. PayPal is [email protected] ....

Benefits... If I have more than three followers I don't regularly interact with on other platforms I'll definitely post more of my art there (patreon and ko-fi) and with housing security I'll be less stressed and able to work on more things that inspire me, rather than scrambling to pay for my needs every month.

Here's five examples of the things I can do when I can *breathe*

They're all older pieces but you get the idea, right?

At the moment I need 130 by tomorrow morning to make rent on time for this month (December 7th) per my updated lease agreement with my management company (as of the morning of December 6th). I am willing to go from 10$ sketches to pay what you want colored pieces (granted the client is willing to wait because finishing things takes me ages right now)

The past two months have been torture. My ability to finish things, or even sit down and focus on things, has been shot. Between Jelly Bean's health, my trip home, my brother's passing, my stress induced seizures and a lack of one of my anticonvulsants (pharmacy issue, not a financial one) I'm a gelatinous human that occasionally sweats from the eyes at random (listen you'd cry too) and I just want something to go right, for once, so I can get back under control and be a person again, a person who enjoys art, who gets more than two hours of sleep at a shot.

Thanks for listening here's some cats

#i need help

[moonless-if]

MOONDAY UPDATE, OCTOBER 10th 2022

happy moonday!

hope you had a good week, and hopefully, none of you has as busy a few weeks as i do coming up. because i am gonna be very busy for the next couple of weeks (with work becoming more hectic, me taking union training courses, and nano coming up) i'm gonna go on a kinda-sorta hiatus from here for a while.

now i do plan to still stick around tumblr to answer any asks i get and just in general hang around, but the Moonless will be stuck on the back burner until at least december, while i focus this month on my regular work and november/nano on my side project @nectarlake-if.

i'm definitely still gonna be writing on the Moonless in the background, but it's not gonna be my main priority for a while. then when i come back, i'll see if i keep up with the weekly updates or if i change that up since it sometimes feels like i have very little to update you on, so maybe monthly would be a better format.

now, to the actual update!

what i did

last week was less writing than i would've liked, due both to me distracting myself with other things and due to my regular job. there was still some writing done, just not as much as in the past few weeks.

what i did do instead was map drawing (both working on Amelare, and trying to figure out the layout of the temple area, so i know where the fuck mc and Rainn are going) and just having a little too much fun with that.

i've also been working on the game art, mainly with figuring out the cover art for the start-up page and then getting so very very caught up in symbolism in art because uh........ reasons (let's just say that everything featured in those pieces have been heavily thought out).

i don't have any snek peks to include here this week, though (because i'm writing this during a work break or else i'll forget) but maybe once i get back home.

plans for next week

no plans this week, unfortunately, because i don't know if i'll have a lot of time to actually sit down and do anything. between work, preparing to go on a union training trip this saturday until wednesday (need to make sure my substitute at work know what needs to be done, that i've done all the work i need to before i leave, need to clean my house since my dad will be dog-sitting, need to pack, etc. etc...) what little free time i do end up having i'll most likely just want to sit down and breathe.

i hope i'll find some time here and there to write, but writing just won't be a priority for me this week.

that's all for today. i'll see you all in december!

- spacedfoxes

#moonday update #update: the moonless

[purplekoop]

Role Requeue Status Update

So, as mentioned in my last post, I figured it'd make sense to elaborate on where my thoughts are with the Role Requeue AU, a project mostly focused around gameplay changes (with some lore changes to help explain some of the more drastic overhauls) to refit every existing hero into a brand new role!

Let's start out with a recap of the existing reworks, either the ones I've made myself or those suggested by others (which is so far a list of... one):

Tracer: Support. The poster girl of the main game was the first character I used to explain this AU's concept. While she hasn't gotten a formal post detailing her new kit, I explained most of my ideas in the original post. Her trip in the slipstream ended up with her gaining the ability to rewind not just her own condition through time, but also the ability to share this with others, healing wounds by rewinding the body to a state before the wound.

Reaper: Tank. The second character detailed in the initial post, the menace known as Reaper is being reimagined from a whispy specter to an almost liquid mass of a being, draining the life of his victims to be a resilient menace. Like Tracer, I didn't actually detail his kit, and I'm actually struggling slightly to do so, so expect his own post later too.

Widowmaker: Tank. Complementing Reaper with Overwatch's most iconic duo of longest-standing villains, Widowmaker is also given a major character overhaul to make her a terrifying type of tank. While I had her marked down as a Tank in the initial post with a vague idea in my head to take inspiration from a scrapped character from official concept art, @daylightcommand3 came in with a basically perfect kit to match the concept, imagining her using long cybernetic spider legs to move around, and web-based abilities to ensnare her prey and defend her team in the process. As far as I'm concerned for now, their post on her is as good as "official" for the AU.

Mei: Tank. Hey can you tell my favorite and least favorite roles yet. In seriousness, I don't think this one's much of a shock. Taking her already defensive playstyle up a notch, Mei is now outfitted with a cryogenic power armor suit to give herself the durability and stature needed for the Tank role. This was the first one to get an official separate post, detailing her entire new kit, so she's functionally "complete" outside of artwork.

Zenyatta: Damage. A more hands-on (and feet-on-the-ground) approach to Zenyatta's already damage-heavy playstyle, Zenyatta is now a melee-ranged fighter, with a variety of abilities letting him to get some damage in from a distance, get in close, finish off a target, and get out safely. The most drastic rework yet, but one I'm still fairly proud of. While his visual changes are less drastic than Mei's, I'd still like to give him some art eventually.

Sojourn: Tank. Last character to get a formal post as of now, and the first OW2 hero (let alone post-OW1-launch hero) to boot. With more high-power cybernetics to bulk up her build, and a bigger, badder Railgun she's now built to weild, Sojourn's effectively taken Zarya's role of "big lady with big gun who takes big damage and hits back with aforementioned big gun powered up by said big damage". While her post had more to do with the concept design process and lacked any real lore changes, I don't exactly have drastic story changes in mind for her besides "she buff now", so once I get a design out for her I'll be relatively content with where she's at.

And that's... six. Look I swear I have more ideas than just turning DPS into Tanks. Granted, I have more DPS I want to turn into Tanks, but that's besides the point here.

Let's go over some minor reworks first, ones that won't require major visual overhauls. I mentioned these in what was basically my second post on the AU, but here I'll keep things more focused:

Doomfist... is awkward. I mean, the devs beat me to the punch (ha) on this one, he's one of two characters who've been officially "requeued", and unlike the other rapidly approaching instance of this, I agree with them on the change. So... I'm at a crossroads of how I wanna be lazy. Do I just use old Doomfist's kit, requeuing him from Tank back to Damage, or do I accept his current kit as a requeue from Damage to Tank that happened officially a year before the AU itself. I like Tank Doomfist more than DPS Doomfist, both on a thematic level and a gameplay level (mostly in terms of fighting against him), so uh... current compromise is that he's a tank still, but he has Rising Uppercut instead of Seismic Slam. Somebody wins here.

Symmetra is the other hero who's changed roles in the actual game, and while her history in both roles has been tumultuous (as explained in that other post), I have a relatively solid idea for how I'd change her kit to make her actually work as a proper Support. I'll detail this later, but just know for now that it doesn't require any major design or lore changes. Maybe a minor design change would be fun, making her main color yellow like in her initial art would be fun, but her light blue is pretty iconic to her now so I'm not sure.

Sombra, a hot topic lately who looks like she goes to hot topic, is the subject of the game's most recent major rework. So recent in fact that it's going live in literally a day from now. Her new kit definitely gives me ideas for how I'd tackle the Support iteration of her I've been considering for a while, but not by too drastic a measure. Again, no visual redesign or lore changes planned.

Echo is the last one of this bunch, another of the lovely ladies who I think should've been Support this whole time. Echo's a very funny hero to conceptualize reworks with considering her literal defining character trait is, like a certain silly little jester, doing anything. This is another one I've considered ideas for in the past, and while it definitely needs work I think I was on the right track. Once again, no story or design changes, she already looks and acts so damn much like a support it actively makes me a little mad.

So that's another easy four, only three of which I think really warrant posts of their own. 10 down, which is only about 25% of the cast jesus okay

Moving swiftly on, now I'm gonna go over the rest of the cast I have ideas for, starting with the (former) Tanks:

D.va: Damage. Considering my main issue with putting Tanks into other roles is size, D.va is an obvious first choice for a Tank to rework. Just make her not be in the mech and bam, already halfway there. Spoiler alert but D.va is probably gonna be one of the next few ideas I make a post for, and might be the first to get art to explain her new look! I'm excited for this one.

Orisa: Support. On the other hand, Orisa is a seven foot tall robot. I have... a couple ideas on how I plan to address this, but given she has effectively two whole kits to pull ideas from, the abilities themselves won't be the issue. Design... might be a little weirder, so another one that kind of needs art to explain.

Junker Queen: Support. While JQ is almost certainly the skinniest tank as is, it pains me to admit that she'll probably need to get shrunk a little bit to fit any other role. While it'd be easy to convert her aggro playstyle into pure DPS, I think it'd be both more fun and more thematically appropriate to make her into a Support. Considering this was the role I expected her to end up in for years, it's gonna be fun going back to those old ideas with the context of her existing kit. I have some more design changes to fit this new role, including a new weapon and some more "regal" attire, at least by Junkertown standards.

Ramattra: Support. Again, Ramattra's Omnic form is one of the smallest tanks as-is, so a minor shrink and the removal of Nemesis Form should already bring us halfway there. This is another one that feels thematically appropriate, and again, was kind of what I was expecting with the "Null Sector guy" that was teased all the way back in early 2019. Definitely leaning into his "mage" design inspirations here, and I'm not even sure I'd want to change his design all too much, but I'm not too certain how I want his kit to work yet. We'll see though!

Wrecking Ball: Damage. Listen, Ball is already a DPS that just sucks at killing things and is slightly better at not dying. sometimes. Hammond is also the smallest playable character outside of the mech, so just... give him a smaller mech. This is just gonna be D.va again but I like him less.

Roadhog: Damage. This one I'm not too certain on, but like... it's Roadhog, he's gotta be a DPS, right? He can't be a support at least. I don't like the idea of shrinking him in general, but according to one conspiracy theory I remember from before the 5v5 reveal, it's something that was officially considered. This might end up being more of a rebalance than a full-on rework, but I'm withholding further judgement until we see what his actual rework coming in a month or so is gonna be like, that might jostle the brain juices.

That's all the Tanks I really have ideas for, the rest I'm struggling with, mostly because of the size issue. I'm also torn between Damage and Tank for some of the remaining ones, but I'll get into that more later.

Now though, time for the Damage heroes I have ideas for:

Bastion: Tank. I mean... come on. He used to literally turn into a tank. He's on par in height with some of the tallest existing tanks. The only issue is... I don't exactly know how to make him play like a tank? All his current abilities are pure damage, and the "tankiest" part of his kit are his passive and his old self heal, which while potentially useful parts of a tank kit, don't exactly make a complete tank package. This one's gonna require some basically brand new abilities, but I think it'll be worth it in the end.

Ashe: Tank. Somebody might get where I'm going with this one, but uh... yeah, I'm gonna have fun with it. Probably the most drastic playstyle overhaul of the whole AU, which shouldn't be surprising when I see how I handle them. I think I have most of this kit planned out too, and it actually shouldn't require any new design work, so expect this one relatively soon.

Cassidy: Support. Yeah this one's actually gonna be another fairly minimalist one, my main idea is to trade his weapon with a similar feel but obviously with healing capabilities. His overall niche would actually be pretty close to Ana's, which I'm sure is gonna make some lore fans happy. I'm also stealing his mechanics from one of the supports from my original hero shooter concept, War Bots, just trading out one utility ability for Combat Roll being largely unchanged outside of how it interacts with his main weapon. Oh, and deadeye, War Bots doesn't have ults so I gotta figure out a replacement for that. Also possibly expect this one pretty soon.

Torbjorn: Support. This is another one like Bastion (fitting enough I suppose) where the broad idea is there, but I don't know the execution. He's also like Echo in the sense that his broad character archetype means he can do basically whatever, so it's just figuring out what engineer capabilities he needs in order to work. This might be another one where I steal from a War Bots character fairly heavily, since that cast also features a support who's a fire-themed mechanic. This one might not be too hard either all things considered.

There's some more I left out so far, but we'll get to them later with the other stragglers that are in TBD limbo, but for the rest of my semi-solid ideas let's wrap up with the Supports.

For this one though, I'm gonna do a sort of lightning round deal, since I honestly haven't thought about these ones too much.

How fast of a lightning round?

Lucio, Ana, Moira, Baptiste, Kiriko, Illari: Damage. Yeah. Look, we need more Damage heroes, and the guys with guns are the easiest to work with. I don't have much to say about these, since like... it's damage. Just dumb down their existing mechanics to do damage instead of healing... I mean not with Lucio, but that's the gist for the others. I have some fun ideas for Moira (who I also considered for Tank but I fear that'd overlap with Reaper too much), but again, there's not much to say about these.

Lifeweaver: Tank. I mean it's Lifeweaver, "damage" is the last thing that comes to mind with him. He's also got the most health and height out of any of the current Supports, plus his abilities are already primarily defensive and protective. I'm not sure on specifics for his kit, but the general idea visually is to bulk him out with some extra thematically appropriate armor to give him a bit more width, but to be honest he's already borderline tank sized, so there's not that much extra he needs.

So yeah, that's everybody who I have at least some half decent idea for. Let's look at the stragglers:

Reinhardt: ...look, Reinhardt is my favorite character of the cast, it makes my stomach not feel right to consider him as anything else but the big german-engineered block of meat and metal I've loved all these years. If I can give any character a free pass to not rework at all, it's him. It just hurts my heart too much to consider him getting shrunk down enough to work in either other role.

Sigma: Similar to Rein but with less emotional investment. In theory I could see him work as a Support or maybe DPS, but I'm just not sure what direction to take him in. I wouldn't be as sad to see him shrunk a bit, most of his tanky bulk comes from his shoulder pads and the fact that he's floating, plus to be honest the fact he's so excessively shredded canonically is a little jarring, so there's slimming down you could do to make him work, I just don't know for what role and how.

Winston: Fun fact, Winston is above average in size for a gorilla, even before Primal Rage! So sizing him down a bit isn't too unrealistic, but again, I don't know what direction to take him. Support could be interesting, the last War Bots support could be used as inspiration given their shared electrical aptitude, and it fits his personality better than DPS, but I'm just not too sure, especially considering the overall lower amount of DPS in this roster right now. Ironic, I know.

Zarya: Again, lacking great ideas, and I'm torn between DPS and Support for her. She has big gun and big muscles, but her bubbles allow her to be a lot more of an "enabler" Tank normally, so I might want to extrapolate on that. I'm leaning Damage though because again, kind of low on those so far, so she's probably just ending up with a (relatively) smaller gun and new abilities to replace her bubbles. She still might end up a relatively big and tanky DPS, like Bastion is normally, but it's the best idea I got even if it's not perfect.

Genji and Hanzo: I'm grouping these up because my initial suggestion was to swap their roles as Damage heroes with each other, but... to be frank I have no clue where I was going with that. With Genji I could see a melee tank playstyle, and for Hanzo there's some possibilities for a supportive archer playstyle, but again, there's just a major imbalance in Damage heroes relative to the main roster at this point.

Junkrat: So like. he's gotta be Support, because I don't think he's got the staying power to fit as a Tank. Honestly could be interesting, and the kit could lean a lot more into the "tinkerer" theming that I like about Junkrat normally, though that could overlap with Torbjorn now. Eh, they both constantly emit fire normally, I guess it makes sense they overlap a little.

Pharah: Another splodey person, this one flies. Honestly her above-average height and armor makes it so Tank is the obvious choice, I just struggle to think of defensive abilities that'd make sense for her. I might copy my own homework here again, though this time for my notes for how I'd turn the TF2 mercs into Overwatch heroes. I'll elaborate more later but I put Soldier (TF2) as a tank there, which I might take some of that design and put it into Pharah here.

Soldier 76: I feel like he could be the replacement for Baptiste in this roster, with healing rockets instead of healing grenades, and biotic field instead of regenerative burst, but that feels... too easy. Maybe. I dunno, probably overthinking things. I think the way to make this feel interesting is with his characterization, which... I guess is also what makes Baptiste interesting.

Brigitte: I know Tank seems obvious for her, but... I dunno, I'm not ruling out Damage yet? The main reason I say that is because if Rein is my free pass to keep, then Brig would just be a semi clone of him. If there's room for another melee-based DPS, then I think Brigitte could fit just fine there too.

Mercy: full disclosure I just want to entertain the idea of Big Mercy. That appeals to me deeply. Damage probably makes way more sense but uhhhhh. I dunno, lemme have this. maybe. I dunno I'm not sold either way yet.

So that's everybody so far. Updated tier list to reflect the changes:

And here's a less conservative list, putting people where I'd put them just based on gut instinct and cutting out my indecisiveness.

So that's 12 Tanks, 13 DPS, and 13 Supports. A better split than the actual game right now, almost perfectly even between the three roles. I ain't shrinking Mauga either so hey, perfect 13/13/13 split, I solved Overwatch.

Again, if anyone has any ideas or suggestions, I'm wide open! Feel free to tag me in your own post or submit them to my ask box and I'll be sure to respond ASAP!

Hoping to get out one of my ideas soon, so stay tuned folks!

#overwatch #overwatch au #overwatch role requeue #role requeue

[rogueshadeaux]

An update regarding inFAMOUS: Erosion

Hey there! Rogue here, and I have something regarding inFAMOUS Erosion that I wish to tell you all about so as not to blindside you.

(Now, stop panicking, first off lol.)

I got married in the height of the pandemic; everyone in my family has autoimmune issues (even my poor cat is asthmatic) and my then-boyfriend at the time and I wanted to cover as many bases as possible, especially since I was pregnant. So our five year plan became a five week one, and we got married. No wedding, no reception, just us on the courthouse steps with a judge (we weren't even allowed in) and then take out after. While neither of us cared about a wedding, we never got to go on a honeymoon, and that was always something we strived for down the line. COVID-19 took so much from so many of us, and my family was no exception.

Well, the parasite that was in my womb is now two years old, the oldest is becoming an adventurous spirit, and we've decided it's time to put that savings account to good use and make this a family affair. We've booked not only two separate trips, but a series of events all throughout July and August so we may 'live it up' in lieu of time and chances missed.

And I plan on going on hiatus while we do so.

I fear I won't be able to keep up with the word count and deliver a quality tale on time, and would rather make sure I don't burn myself out trying to perform on top of everything else we have planned. It's also always healthy to take a break! And I feel I have the perfect midpoint prepared to pause and give you all an 'intermission' of sorts before returning. I know it's always so so scary to hear an author is going on hiatus, because really, that's the preamble to an orphaned fic; so I want to assure you that where I will stop the story before disappearing is 104,404 — and the current fic is at 136k words. There's still passion for the project, and it will probably be worked on in the lull time of my hiatus; but that gap between where I've posted and where I am is closing, and I don't want it to get any closer. And I fear trips and concerts and museums and events and a wild summer is simply the perfect storm to be caught in — and to lose my way in the kicked up dust.

"So then...what does that mean?"

I will be posting up to Chapter Twenty, with a two-chapter 'mid-season finale' as I've been jokingly calling it on the 9th and 10th of July. After that, I will be going on hiatus until September 11th, 2023. Another Monday, per the usual. I am beyond excited for this second half; I finally feel like I can dive into the real meat of the story. Once I hit that midpoint, every piece of foreshadow and worldbuilding is on the table. The big turning point that'll propel the second half of Erosion will be revealed. I'll be moving on from whittling the wood to manipulating the marionette, and you have no idea how hyped I am to really give you the tale I'm trying to spin. The sad thing is, I've still gotta spin it, and I fear I won't be able to dedicate myself as well as I should in order to really give this idea in my head the honor it deserves. And of course, what you deserve too; I'm a freelance editor. If I put anything out there that sucks, I will off myself lol.

"Will you be disappearing too?"

Nah. Probably not. I'm chronically online and legally/medically can't drive, so I gotta do something on the car/plane rides. There are two one shots in my google docs I might push out in the meantime, an art commission planned, and of course, I will always supply memes and share other inFAMOUS pieces that my dear friends are putting out. There's so much newfound chatter in the inFAMOUS fandom that I feel confident I could step back for two months and you wouldn't even miss me! It's truly breathtaking to see this fandom returning like this. If you put things into perspective, while two months seems so goddamn long — that's 4 chapter updates. That's it!! That's all I'm gonna be gone for!!

"What if you finish Erosion while you're gone?"

God, that'd be the day, wouldn't it? I'll definitely freak the fuck out and post nonstop on Tumblr, so if I do, you'll know lol. If by some stroke of a miracle I finish Erosion while I'm gone, I will still be on hiatus until September 11th. I need a goddamn vacation. But upon returning, if I am either done or very close to done, I plan on upping my schedule to a weekly posting system. If not, biweekly until that point.

So, that's my advance warning for you all: I plan on stepping away, but it will not be permanent. I can't disappear from this fandom the moment it's beginning to return! That'd truly be insane!

While I am gone, check out @conduiitz'/@kraftledare's Shattered, a comic of a Glass Conduit looking for his best friend in a post-apocalyptic wasteland; @codenamehazard's No Man's Land, an Evil Karma Cole MacGrath AU that follows the Beast as he explores the Wildlands of the Great Plains and the society Conduits have created in it; and @cedar990's Equilibrium, where Light Conduit — and DUP Agent — Ezra Sims tries to throttle the plans of the rising Dust Men in Nova City.

And keep an eye out when you read; you might catch a certain pair of Conduit twins playing around in the backgrounds of these stories! They need a break too, after all.

I want to thank you for your understanding and for all the time you've dedicated so far to hearing me tell this story. I've truly enjoyed every second of it, and cannot wait for more. Tsiikohtaahsi'tsihp amohk aohkanoo'p — which in my tribe's language means I'm so happy we've all gathered here; it's given me a chance to tell a tale I never thought anyone would care about, and to watch the embers of this grand video game franchise be fanned enough to reignite. I love this community and will be itching to return the moment I declare official hiatus status, I just know it.

But until then, let's finish the first half of inFAMOUS: Erosion!

#infamous erosion #going Rogue

[nyrator]

I hope you're doing well. <3

Thank you, I be hanging in there.. A rough time mentally, but life just keeps going day by day

For a general life update for everyone: Kinda want to use this site more, but just not sure what I'd use it for.. Rambling time~

(tl;dr: anxiety's a butt, going traveling and cosplaying and will finally be seeing a therapist in a few monthss)

I've been in a huge art rut lately and just struggle with coming up with ideas what to draw, and have a lot of insecurities about the content of my past few pictures (which I think are against guidelines here so I probably won't post them on the RN tumblr after all.. I did update the website with all current images at least, but I still feel sick thinking about what I've made and regret it..)

Was in a huge wave of depression the past few weeks, but slowly climbing back out of it.. Still jobless and living off of being a vtuber on Twitch and art commissions, which is a struggle, but I'm just managing to scrape by- definitely been feeling the burnout, though..

Also going traveling across the country next week- meeting up with some online friends and going with them to a con, got a cosplay made and everything to go as my husbando Mizuno Yuu (I'd prefer a better cardigan, though.. the one I got was more yellow than I'd hoped and the only decent alternative I've found on Uniqlo won't be in stock in time, I think)

Still anxious about it, though.. will be gone for ten days, my social anxiety is very bad, and I'll be in an unfamiliar place hanging with people for the first time for ten days.. I'm not really interested in the con at all and I'm pretty scared about going, but will try to just keep my brain turned off and try to have a good time.

But yeah, otherwise just existing and floating around day by day- haven't been able to do much of anything and it really gets to me.. My anxiety has been so severe that it interferes with everything and I can't even think of doing anything because of it- anything can give me a bad panic attack these days, and I'm too afraid to take medication to treat it just yet, though I think it's needed at this point.

However, I did get a new primary doctor earlier this month, and they were able to find me a therapist for depression/anxiety and a nutritionist to see for my eating disorder- I'll be interviewed for that once I get back from my trip, so hopefully those go well..

#moomintrolledme #ask nyrator #answer #text stuffs

[taiblogcomics]

My Little Taury: Friendship is Parodic

Hey there, sheep of your dreams. A rare update for Leap Day! Honestly, couldn't have picked a better series for this to happen during. Seems fitting, no?

Here's the cover:

All right, now you kind of see why I wanted to review this series, eh~? So here are the Taurs, the MLP/Smurfs hybrids that closed out last issue. We'll be getting to know them a bit more closely in this one, so that's all I'll tell you here. Instead, let's analyse these cutie marks. There's some classically evil stuff: skull and crossbones, inverted pentagram, Bill Cipher… A couple over here have Backstabber and Money=Power… Easily the most baffling one is the "stock woman on truck's mudflaps silhouette". What kinda traits does that confer~?

Our hero(?) Steve Harmon wishes to rid himself of his Slapstick persona, and to that end, he's hired tech goon Quasimodo to research a solution. Since Dimension Ecch gave him his powers, a trip back should undo it. They open a makeshift portal, but are detected and apprehended by SHIELD offshoot ARMOR before they can use it. Turns out there's been a rash of incursions from the dimension, including Bro-Man last issue, and they want to know the connection. When another incursion occurs and the Taurs invade, Slapstick volunteers to take care of it to throw ARMOR off his scent.

We actually join this issue by checking in with Slapstick's buddy Mike, who's working at an art supply shop in a mall in Paramus. He's recounting the events of last issue to his co-worker Jenny, noting how it'll make a great scene for his graphic novel. She's mostly feigning interest, privately thinking how it won't last six issues. Yes, very droll, a wink and a nod to the fourth wall. Except Mike's pitching a graphic novel. They aren't sold issue by issue. Maybe Jenny doesn't know that, but I do, and the distinction is something I love to nitpick~

While Mike continues to go on about presenting it at New York Comic Con, he suddenly feels a sudden sharp pain. He turns to find himself being attacked by one of the Taurs. He yells for Jenny that one of the high-end toys from Kay-Bee has gone Westworld, but that doesn't make any sense. Kay-Bee Toys went out of business in 2009! He seizes the Taur, berating it for breaking the First Law of Robotics, only to now have a view outside into the rest of the mall. The rest of the Taurs are running a slaughter over the other mall patrons.

Slapstick is teleported in, and he starts gleefully going to town on the Taurs. It's a fun fight scene, because keep in mind the Taurs are exactly as small as you think. Basically the size of a FiM brushable pony. Less than six inches tall, I'd say. So while Slapstick has the size on them, the Taurs have the numbers, evening the odds. They also have pointier weapons, at least at first. Once they jab him in the eyes, Slapstick utters the utterly immortal lines "No more Mr. Nice Clown! I'm reaching into my angry pants!" God, I love comic books.

Thankfully, Slapstick has no junk, so he won't be arrested for this. Instead, what he pulls from his pants is Bro-Man's sword. It's already been proven that this sword can cut through electroplasm creatures (but not actually kill them), and it's just as effective on the Taurs as it was at bisecting Bro-Man. In fact, it can cut through anything, and Slapstick's wild swinging unfortunately has him cut through a load-bearing support beam to the level above, collapsing part of the mall's walkway on top of him, losing the sword in the rubble.

Before the Taurs can advance again, they're halted by some weapons above. Mike and Jenny turn up, having raided the crafting store they work in to deck themselves out in post-apocalypse armour and makeshift weapons. This gives Slapstick the chance to haul himself out of the heap, where he finds another Taur in his hair. Before he can heave the invader, she has him halt. Introducing herself as Taurette (which thankfully does not lead to the joke you probably think it might), she offers to help Slapstick defeat her brethren if he spares her.

See, she's the only female among her people, and thus is constantly subject to taursplaining and the male gaze. So she requests asylum on the champion's world. Slapstick agrees, not bothering to tell her that his own people are just as bad. She tells them that the Taurs fear only one thing: the Sorceror Supreme of their dimension, Gorgonzola. He's a wizard who's out to capture the Taurs because they excrete gold. Well, at least he doesn't want to eat them. Slapstick gets a crafty look in his eye. Appropriate, since they're also holed up in the craft store.

As the Taurs--led by their red-hatted, bearded leader, Patriarchy Taur--prepare to regroup, suddenly another bearded figure in red flies overhead. The wizard Gorgonzola declares the Taurs have no refuge from his magic in this realm. In close-up, however, it's clearly Mike being hoisted by a rope, while Taurette hides in his fake beard and feeds him lines. The Taurs all soil themselves in terror--which, I remind you, means they all shit out gold nuggets. The sight of all that wealth gets the better of Slapstick, and he drops the rope he's hoisting Mike/Gorgonzola with, right on top of the Taurs.

The Taurs fortunately don't grasp the deception, but they do notice "Gorgonzola" has Taurette, and attempt to recapture her back to their village. Slapstick re-seizes the rope and swings into the fray, pulling Mike aside. He grabs Taurette from the horde, and not knowing how else to protect her, stuffs her down his inter-dimensional pants. Being stuffed down a clown's pants would traumatise anyone, and Taurette snaps at having to cope with this. She declares she will never be a damsel in distress again and grabs a nearby pocket knife defiantly.

Cutting a hole to free herself, Taurette bursts out of Slapstick's pants, causing a load of his stored objects to also come spilling out. Though briefy embarassed at being in his briefs, Slapstick tells Mike and Taurette to run for it while he holds them off. He doesn't initially have a plan until he spots something among the junk: the robot gun-arm he took from Quasimodo in issue 1. The one that shoots a horrifying electroplasm-disrupting beam. He immediately begins scrambling the Taurs into colourful puddles of goo.

The beam only destabilises them, however, it doesn't kill them. They're still alive and aware, and the big pastel puddle begins swirling around Slapstick. Before he can drown in a pool of Taur juices, the ARMOR agents show up with a big vacuum containment device, sucking up the goo formally known as the Taurs. Taurette buddies up to the competent women who just saved the day, while Slapstick tries not to make an ass of himself despite being literally caught with his pants down. The agent he's crushing on gives him a number to call if another incursion happens, and he treats it like a personal number.

The agents depart with Taurette, and Slapstick and Mike leave with the Taurs' golden leavings. A few days go by, and Mike drops by Slapstick's (parents') house to show off having redrawn his comic pages again. At least he's perfecting his craft! He finds Slapstick hopped up on coffee, having spent the last few days re-creating the portal to Dimension Ecch, deliberately in spite of ARMOR's warnings. Unfortunately, as the comic ends, he didn't successfully remake the portal--he made a device that ports Dimension Ecch's nonsense to this dimension, bringing several inanimate objects to cartoony life~

Well, this issue's a lot of fun. It's the least excessively-violent so far, only a bit of blood at the beginning. The Taurs being hyper violent is an excellent joke, contrasting how gentle their two blending series (My Little Pony and The Smurfs) are. The issue is a lot of fight scenes, but it's a lot of cartoony fun in the fight scenes. Most of the comics I complain about just being an issue of fight scenes (see: The Culling or any given Suicide Squad issue) are just schlocky action movie fodder, while this one is more like a stereotypical episode of Tom & Jerry. And also, despite this series not being above lowbrow, crude humour--the jockstrap pile, the Taurs crapping gold, all the mentions of Slapstick's dingus--I applaud it for knowing where the line is and not doing the obvious joke regarding Taurette's name. Kudos, comic~

#comics #reviews #Slapstick #The Awesome Slapstick #Taiblog

[dreamspeaks22]

Again, dream post, not real.

TW: none this time I think. Lmk if I'm wrong, please.

-Dad's house; Fuck him, but yeah I still frequently have dreams about him and his house. These dreams are..weird. and often hard to describe. They're weirdly realistic and almost feel like some sort of drug trip at the same time. It's very obviously his house, everytime. Even if I'm just standing outside, I know who's house it is, always.

The dreams involving dad don't often involve him. Surprising, I know. It's more his house that's important? I guess? If he does appear It's usually towards the end of the dream, and usually just to be a buzzkill.

It's really hard to describe these dreams overall, honestly. Like I said, they feel so strange. I have so many other worlds that are so clear and realistic and his house/dreams are so weirdly vague but prominent.

Most of the dreams I can remember are myself and others (can't remember who, pretty sure they change dream by dream) I think they're friends? They feel like friends anyways. We walk around and hang out, enjoy my dad's art and oddities from other countries. He really does have a nice house and lots of interesting things from his travels.

I'm really drawing a blank here. I don't know why. Felt like I understood these particular dreams before I started this and now.. I'm fuckin lost.

I guess to cover the other portion I mentioned; my dad appearing at the end to fuck things over. He usually 'comes home' and is furious to see me there. I remember one dream a friend and I were trying to catch a stray kitten in his driveway and he called the cops. So think along those lines I guess.

I will say there's been several times I endured these dreams and they were actually okay. My dad may be a dick but I did like his house. The top floor is usually warm and comfortable. I have nothing negative to say about it, other than a lingering fear of pissing dad off.

Sometimes I'm outside the house. It's pretty foggy where those dreams are concerned. There's the one with the kittens in the driveway, but most of the others aren't nearly as obvious. I remember being around his driveway, I think trying to get in or waiting on him to answer the door.

We don't have a good relationship, so it's not surprising that I'd be left waiting. It's happened in reality when I've gone to him for help, and trust me I've tried forming a real relationship with him. He just seems unwilling.

Like most places, there's a basement level to my dad's 'dream house.' And it's terrifying. My dad was always one to scare the fuck out of child me at any given chance, so I blame him for this.

His basement stairs are old, and creaky. The basement itself is nice enough, but cold and has an unfinished prison feel to it. Fr there's a shower, toilet, big ass sink down there. Plus a pool table and a couple old slot machines, and last I knew a big ass bean bag chair and a flat-screen. But I'm telling you it always had the most unsettling feel to it. You can toss some comfort items into a dungeon but that doesn't make it any less of a dungeon.

Anyways, the dream basement. It was always so much bigger and had that same feeling but amplified. Of course there was something lurking under the stairs, and who knows what in the dark corners. It never really appeared dirty or amiss in any way, and somehow that made it worse.

I can't recall anything specific happening in that basement, dream or not. Still, I dream of it every once in awhile and it's unmistakable. I know that's very anticlimactic after saying the dream basement was terrifying, but, sorry. I can't remember enough right now. I'm sure I'll update and change that in the future. Give it time, unfortunately my bad dreams seem to cycle lol. So this one will be back eventually. I'll try to write down what I remember.

#weird dreams #dream journal #dreams #dreambasedinreality #watching and dreaming #dreamnotfound #dream analysis #writing but not like in a fun way #crazydreams

[davidmariottecomics]

Braindead

Hello hello again! 

This will be another quick update as I'm very tired! 

We are officially back from our back-to-back(-to back) conventions! Last time, I talked a little bit about the AZ Comic Book Arts Festival, which was a great comic creator focused show. I'll say it again and again: it was awesome doing a show devoted to comics and comic art, because as much as I love the many other expressions of pop culture, sometimes it's nice to really focus on comics and the people who make them. 

Also in the between times, Becca and I made a trip out to Dallas, TX, for them to table at WaifuExpo. This week's blog includes a little photodump from that trip, though if you want to see more, they're over on my Instagram and Becca's Twitter! It was our first 18+ show and it was a lot of fun! Some brief stories to share: 

The Weather! Much like the previous week, we're leaving San Diego, and get out to the mountains and there's snow! Fortunately, again, we pretty much missed having to drive in it--it was piled by the sides of the road, but the roads themselves had been cleared. But it's still kind of unexpected and glad we get through it safely. Things are pretty uneventful until we get to TX--a bit of rain, a bit of wind, whatever. Our first morning in TX, at our halfway point hotel, the snow has caught up to us, but again, doesn't really last and we don't have to drive through it. The rest of the trip that day, we go from snow to rain to winds so strong we couldn't pick anything up at a gas station because we didn't have cash on hand and the wind had knocked out their internet to a dust storm that is fortunately thin enough that we can safely drive through it, but large enough that we were going through it for a couple of hours. We get to Dallas and back into the rain. We finally get to our hotel and... the rain's so bad, it's knocked the power out entirely. They have a sister location a few blocks over that does have power that can send us to, but it's a helluva way to start the stay. And the next morning, we get the full picture of how bad it was: some roads had flooded in the night and a tornado had gone through the area like just before we had arrived. The trip back was a lot less eventful, just kinda rainy, but seems like we hit almost every weather event we could on the way out. 

The Cash Box! We weren't staying in the hotel that the convention was being held at, we were at another one in town, about 15-20 minutes away. Not a bad distance, but definitely not something we'll be doing again if we do this show, because on Sunday morning, I think, we pull into the parking lot for the show. We start to get out and head over with just a couple minutes before the floor opens... and I realize we forgot the cash box and therefore can't do any sales. Becca goes to set-up and I get back in the car to go back to our hotel and grab it. I do just that, get back to the show parking lot... and I've only grabbed the cash box, but not the cash box key. So I had to do the trip AGAIN. Finally, I get back like an hour after the show's opened and fortunately everyone who had wanted something was super lovely and swung back by once we could do sales, but sure took a while! 

The Bunny Suit! One of the fun things the con did was theme days for anyone wanting to come in cosplay. Saturday's theme was bunny suits and people really went all out. Becca went as bunny Bulma from Dragon Ball and we got a few pics of them with other bunny Bulma cosplayers, which is fun. But the other thing that was very fun, is clearly so many people at this show got the bunny suit memo at the same time and acquired their costumes at the same time: I swear, 1 out of 4 bunny cosplayers was wearing the exact same body that Becca got, so we all got to joke about that! 

I'll be excited to see how that show grows next year and in the years to come! 

And yesterday I made a brief trip to TFCon LA to see a bunch of my TF friends, many of whom only get out my way once a year or so. I completely failed at taking any pictures there, but it was nice to see so many folks! 

What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Honkai Impact (Video game), Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo (Anime), sleeping in my own bed (eventually), how cuddly the cats were after we got back, Poker Face (TV show), Perfect Match (Trash TV), my very interesting Twitter poll about if folks want to see more adult, 18+ content in their physical comics (short answer: overwhelmingly yes), seeing old friends and making new ones, uhh... probably other stuff, but again, braindead from tired. 

New Releases this "week" (3/1/2023 & 3/8/2023): Sonic the Hedgehog #58 (Editor) Godzilla Rivals: Mothra vs. Titanosaurus (Editor)

New Releases next week (3/15/2023): Sonic the Hedgehog: The IDW Collection, Vol. 3 (Editor) The Kill Lock: The Artisan Wraith TPB (Editor) 

Announcements:  Two real quick ones and then we'll get to the pictures! 

WonderCon 2023: I'll be at WonderCon. Right now, my schedule is still pretty open, so if you'll be around and want to meet up, please drop me a line. I will not be at any particular booth, so the earlier we can figure things out, the better! 

The new popculturepunk.com is coming! Becca's working on a shop-update now that we've got a break in cons we're tabling at as ourselves, but it's also going to be a slight update on the overall site. Hoping to have that live later today/tomorrow, but TBD! 

Pics of the Week: Picture dump from our trip! Featuring me, Becca, some cute cosplayers & guests, and some really giant packs of fireworks! 

#waifuexpo #rebeccaann #popculturepunk #photo dump #mt lady #sexy eggman #bunny bulma #dallas #jonah scott #maid denji #fireworks #convention season #tfcon

[a-moth-to-the-light]

facetime with my dog tonight (nov 26, 2022)

The Day, In Short

Flight home, laundry, and showering! I even washed my comforter, so my room is very nice and clean right now, which is unusual for just getting home from a trip :)

My favorite part of today was an unusually peaceful bus ride home from the airport! It came early, and it was a much smaller, homier bus than usual, with no strangers unnecessarily approaching me (which is quite a victory in any outing)! I got to listen to the new Friendly Space Ninja video, which I found delightful and finished in just a few sittings (I would gush about them right now, but I'm saving that for an end-of-year post). Now I'm just sitting doing homework, which is mostly reading (yay!!!), and then I might start filling out a form for course credit which I've kept on the back burner for a week or so now!

the little dot thingies

So I have a self-care board in my dorm, where I have a rotating cast of self-care activities that I get to put dots next to every time I complete them! I usually update my board on Fridays, but I was out of state yesterday, so I did it today! My favorite of last week's was watch TV before bed, something that really helps me relax--I'm so glad I made it a priority this past week, and I decided to add it to my mega-list of self-care inspiration! The TV show in question has mostly been Psych, which I randomly ran across on Prime Video a month or so ago and almost immediately fell in love with--I made it through season 2 in this week's binge!

The activities I can get points (which equal dots--just putting the little dots on the board is satisfying in itself!) for in the upcoming week are: leave something unfinished, flirt, healthcare, and journal. Healthcare is a big one, because I'm currently quite behind on getting in contact with my doctors, and there are a few pain-relief things I've been wanting to buy that I think I'll try and finally get this week!

OMGOMG LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT

pensando en ti: I had never heard of Lara91k before, but a clip of "pensando en ti" showed up on one of the music-focused Instagram accounts I follow (jenesaispop, I think?) and caught my attention! I posted about Clara Cava brainrot a little while ago, and my recent obsession with this song is a direct extension of that. Like "No Vaya a la Fiesta" and "Cosa Suya", my two favorite Clara Cava songs, "pensando en ti" is smooth, catchy, and, above all, simple, washed in a layer of gray skies and cold ocean waves. This is chill study music at its finest, but the gentle groove and vocal layering are enough to keep me interested, even when I'm not multitasking. Really, though, it all comes down to: ME PASO LOS DIAS PENSANDO EN TI-IIIII VI TU FOTO Y NO PUDE DORMI-IIIIIIR

prenderle fuego a todo: Andrea Santiago's "Materia Viva" is more of a legend than a song to me. Listening to it is an ethereal experience, and it hasn't lost its luster in the two years since I first added it to my playlists. Santiago released her first album this year, including a new version of "Materia Viva", but it's the title track I've been obsessed with recently, ever since I got around to listening to it. "Prenderle fuego a todo" is lovely soft rock in the vein of "Materia Viva", anchored by Andrea Santiago's raspy soprano--the typical "indie girl" voice, but with enough energy behind it to make it feel unusually compelling and natural. I've been too distracted by the first couple of songs in the album to get very far through the tracklist, but I'm so excited for more!

their coffee shop: I've been reading this Webtoon for a few weeks now--I'm not nearly caught up (I'm on episode 42 of 72), but once I am, I have a feeling this is going to become one of my consistent reads, along with Idiots Don't Catch Colds and (formerly) Let's Cast Off. The art is soft and youthful, and I find considerable joy in following a main character who reminds me so much of myself when I'm in my obsessive phases. It has always felt taboo for me to talk about my desperate, obsessive tendencies when those phases happen--in fact, I've taken this taboo so far that I'm uncomfortable with showing need at all--so I really appreciate finding a story where they're talked about honestly, covering their good, bad, and ugly aspects with compassion.

let's cast off: I mentioned above that LCO is one of my two consistent reads currently (meaning ones I read updates of whenever they come out), but it actually just ended today, when the epilogue was released early behind an ad. It's been really hard to watch this story end, as it has been a consistent part of my life for about two and a half years now (since the start of the pandemic, as you might guess), even providing my reason to live for a solid couple of months in 2021, and it's actually one of the first stories that got me writing the kind of analysis content I love creating today. I haven't posted any of my LCO writing here, but let me just say there is a lot of it stored up in my personal Discord server!

The finale definitely hasn't been my favorite part of the story, but there are some elements of this section of narrative that I really appreciate (including my second-favorite panel in the entire story, a resolution to one of the plotlines that hit me hardest back when I first started reading that's done in such a sweet, subtle way, so wonderfully mindful of all the violence that precedes it). I'm not really sure how I feel about it--it's just kind of a weight on my chest and a lump in my throat right now, leaving me too teary-eyed to do much except echo the sentiment of this quote from Mera's YouTube video "Finally, the Album":

The fact that I get to enjoy this moment in Blackpink's career, and that I get to celebrate how far they've come in 2020 alone, means a lot to me personally, because there were moments where I convinced myself I would not get that chance... This album gives me a chance to look back at my love for Blackpink, way back to the very first day, and it's like I'm looking my younger self in the eyes.

things that make brain buzz

I've gotten some work done on a couple of fiction pieces today, ones like the prose poems I've posted here before. One, I wrote a few weeks ago, and now I'm just trying to work out paragraph breaks & clean up messy sentences. The other is a random idea that hit me in the evening, so I've just been jotting notes down and trying to flesh it out a bit!

I feel doomed, so so doomed, and yet I don't want to go yet. I see the pain in front of me, and I cry for it, but I open my arms to it, too. I don't know how real it is, how accurate my visions are, but I feel them in my stomach and I feel their shadows stretch out and yet... I walk to my doom.

Content warning for references to death in the next quote!

I can't stop imagining Nadia tomorrow morning, messaging me as she curls up against the headboard of her bed, only half-awake and slowly adjusting to the five a.m. cold. Glancing down at her phone as she goes through her day, opening our messages again and again, just in case the notification never reached her lock screen. Reassuring herself: Oli sleeps in on weekends; she might need an extra people-break after such a noisy party; oh, doesn't she have a big paper to work on? I doubt Nadia would believe that I could find it in me to write in the mornings, but it feels right to think that she might start grasping at straws by noon. Too polite to show up at my door, she would worry all day and start crying by evening: did I say too much yesterday? We call each other pretty all the time, it can't have been that bad. But then, I knew what I was trying to say, and I'm sure she did, too. Maybe this is it; maybe I killed it. But no one killed it, Nadia. It's just... my time, I suppose, though it doesn't feel right to act as though I have any ownership over it. Time has chosen me.

These are from the bits I jotted down last night--as I'm sure you can guess from these, my anxiety has been particularly merciless recently, but writing was quite a helpful exorcism for it :)

Will I Do Anything Interesting Tomorrow?

I'm planning on going shopping with my friends, plus the school dining hall will finally reopen--I'm so excited to head down there again, because I miss their tea! I have an overdue library book (as usual... sigh), so maybe I can try to get done with reading that today and turn it back in later this week!

Otherwise, it'll just be homework--I have a makeup test on Monday that I want to do some studying for, and we're nearing finals, so there are plenty of papers I can do some work on.

Quote of the Day!

Wait, isn't it a bit late for soccer practice?

-- me, at 10:30 pm, completely believing my friend when he told me he was getting dropped off at soccer practice (I PROMISE I CAN USUALLY READ DEADPAN HUMOR ITS JUST AN OFF DAY)

#writing this took longer than expected and turned out to be quite the emotional adventure! i think i needed it :) #also as per the title i facetimed my dog for the first time in like 4 or 5 days!!!! i miss him i love him #six keeps on running