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misc-obeyme · 7 months

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THE THREADS THAT BIND

CHAPTER NINE

MASTERPOST for summary/info/chapter list

a/n: Protective Barb is my favorite thing. I couldn't let Arrie and Sol have all the fun lol. Should you feel that this chapter ends abruptly, just remember that there are four more chapters to this story. This is not the end!

GN!MC x Barbatos | word count 1,775

Warnings: magical violence, MC is in pain, demon OC, sorcerer OC

A few days later, you were at RAD with Barbatos when Arsenios and Solomon came over to where the two of you were sitting.

"You owe me more tea, at the very least," Arsenios said, arms folded as Solomon placed a folded piece of paper on the table.

Solomon laughed lightly. "It wasn't that bad, was it? In fact, I would say it turned out to be much easier than either of us expected."

Barbatos picked up the paper, unfolding it. You looked over his shoulder and saw that it was a detailed description of a counter curse. It was handwritten, clearly something that had been created by Tobias himself.

Barbatos smiled. "I cannot express how grateful I am to both of you. I hope it was not too difficult for you to obtain this."

"It was no problem," Solomon said.

At the same time, Arsenios said, "It was mostly annoying."

They looked at each other, Solomon smiling while Arsenios gave him a flat look.

Arsenios turned back to Barbatos. "All I had to do was sing to him."

You cocked your head to the side. "Sing to him?"

"Arsenios can put humans into a trance merely by singing or playing an instrument," Barbatos explained.

"It was fascinating to watch," Solomon said. "His expression went dull and he simply brought the paper with the counter curse over and handed it to us. I was able to verify right away that it was the right one."

Arsenios glanced between the two of you. "I can also use my song to influence people's future actions. I don't think he'll be bothering you again."

There was something ominous about this statement, but you noticed how Arsenios met your eyes when he said it, instead of looking at Barbatos.

"I tried to convince Arsenios that he probably didn't need to do that," Solomon said, smile still in place. "But really I don't think it's going to cause any harm. I made sure to let Tobias know that we will not go easy on him should he return to the Devildom without permission again."

"You should still be careful, though," Arsenios said, his eyes back on Barbatos. "Don't go getting cursed again, okay?"

Barbatos nodded. "I understand. You have my word. Thank you both."

Arsenios turned to Solomon. "I admit that I wouldn't have known if that counter curse was the right one or not, so I guess it was a good thing you were with me."

Solomon laughed. "What a compliment! Don't strain yourself on my account, Arsenios. I know you find me annoying at best."

Arsenios stared at him for a moment, then he actually laughed. "Man, you are something else. Anyway, good luck with the counter curse, Barb."

Arsenios moved away to his own seat across the classroom while Solomon sat down nearby to get ready for class to start.

After RAD, Barbatos brought you back to the castle, ready to use the counter curse to break the threads. Solomon had offered to help with it, but Barbatos seemed content to take care of things himself. Solomon told you that should the counter curse prove ineffective for some reason, he still had the Night Dagger as an alternative option. All of you hoped it wouldn't come to that.

You were feeling apprehensive. It wasn't that you didn't believe the counter curse would work. It was more like you weren't sure how to deal with how it would feel when your connection to Barbatos was severed.

During the time you had been bound to him, you had observed Barbatos in a way you never had the chance to do before. Every day, you had been by his side as he worked, as you studied, and as both of you began to do things together, moving in sync in a way that you had never done with anyone else. And every night, you had walked in his memories or he had come to pull you out of them so you could sleep peacefully.

And now suddenly he wouldn't be by your side anymore. Or at least, you would be able to move away from him without it causing you pain. You would likely return to the House of Lamentation, which you admit you missed. But that would also mean you would have to readjust to your life the way it had been before all of this.

You stood across from Barbatos in one of the castle's many living rooms. He was frowning, reading the paper with the counter curse on it. Then he looked up at you. Barbatos extended a hand toward you, reciting the spell from the paper.

You saw the threads suddenly, bursting out from your chest still. You saw them rise where they coalesced into the single thread that ran through Barbatos. It rose and rose until -

Snap!

It broke.

And the threads that had been bursting from you, that had been a knot inside your chest, began to unravel. They fell around you, little strands of teal littering your arms, legs, the floor beneath you.

And it hurt.

You gasped and clutched at your chest, which felt like that empty yawning hollow that would form whenever you got too far away from Barbatos.

Barbatos was at your side, his arms on your shoulders.

You watched in horror as the threads turned black. They began to ooze, just like in your dream. You cried out and shoved at Barbatos.

"Get away!" you yelled, pushing on his chest. "Get away before it swallows you!"

Barbatos caught your hands. "MC, there's nothing there."

You looked at him with wild eyes, your chest throbbing, the black seeping toward him bit by bit. "You can't see it? It's going to consume you!"

The pain was dizzying and made it difficult to focus, causing you to simply react with desperation.

The black ooze seemed to freeze in a white light and there was an odd sharp note that rang through the air.

Although the pain was lessened, it still lingered. You managed to look up and a man you could only assume was Tobias stood behind Barbatos, hand extended, glowing with white light. His head was cocked slightly, as though he couldn't help listening to something.

Barbatos was instantly in demon form, his tail wrapping around you protectively as he turned to face Tobias.

"I do believe you were warned not to return to the Devildom," Barbatos said, his voice calm despite the tension in his body. Through the fog of your fear, you could feel the tail around you trembling with anger.

Tobias frowned. "If you think I'm afraid of Solomon and some singing demon, you miscalculated. The counter curse alerts me when it's used and there was always this little unpleasantness built into it. Your sweet MC will fall completely to the hallucinations, believing everything they ever loved to be fully consumed by darkness. I can release them from that torment… for a price."

Barbatos shook his head as though he felt sorry for the sorcerer. "You have been troublesome for quite some time now," he said. "Today you have finally gone too far."

The room was plunged into darkness and you would have fallen if Barbatos's tail hadn't been holding you up.

You looked around and found yourself in the same constellation filled sky of your dreams - the teal streams moving through it as always.

Barbatos was practically glowing with teal light. Tobias instantly dropped his own spell, which brought your pain back full force. Through it you could see Tobias gripping his head with both hands, as though he was experiencing some horrific torment.

"As there was a secret in your counter curse, so there was a secret in Arsenios's song," Barbatos said. "The notes you're hearing now are tied to my power. You must choose to find a way to deal with the loss of your loved one without time travel. Make that choice, release MC, and I will return you to the human world where you belong, unharmed."

"And if I refuse?" Tobias demanded through gritted teeth.

Barbatos shook his head. "It is best if you do not even contemplate that option."

Tobias fell to his knees. You couldn't hear the song that was apparently playing in his head, but it seemed he was suffering even more than you were.

He cast a spell and the pain inside you lifted, though you noticed there was still a single thread running through you. And although the pain was gone, the empty feeling wasn't.

Barbatos opened a portal there and Tobias stumbled through it, clearly desperate to end the sounds that were playing in his mind.

Everything around you felt off, your heart still ached in a way that was worse than what your body had endured.

"Barbatos," you cried out, reaching toward him.

Barbatos turned to you, pulling you into his arms and pressing you against his chest, his tail still wrapped around you.

And suddenly, you were at peace. That last lost thread had simply gone back inside your chest. It filled the empty yawning hole, making you complete again.

You were breathing hard as you slowly calmed down, tears of pain and fear streaking your face. Your arms were clasped around Barbatos tightly and you were afraid to let go.

After a few moments, you leaned your forehead on Barbatos's shoulder. "I'm okay," you whispered.

Gently, you felt yourself being moved through space and once again you were in the Demon Lord's Castle.

"Even after Tobias released you, there was still a single thread trapped in me," Barbatos said softly. "But that magic belonged to you. It was fighting to return to you. Forgive me, MC. It was difficult for your magic to move through my timescape."

"You knew that the sorcerer would show up," you said.

Barbatos smiled. "Solomon suggested that there might be such an issue with a counter curse written by the sorcerer himself. So Arsenios added an extra layer to his song that allowed me to force Tobias to set you free. It was a precaution."

You sighed, feeling heavy. "I hope that he leaves you alone now. This has been tiring."

Barbatos didn't move away, only waited for you to gather yourself, waited for you to pull away first. When you finally did, he shifted out of demon form. You could see that this situation had taken a toll on him, though he hid it well.

Barbatos smiled at you again. You could see the small hint of weariness in it. "That was quite the ordeal, I'm afraid. Shall we have some tea to calm ourselves?"

You agreed immediately.

masterpost | chapter one

chapter eight and a half | chapter ten

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #omswd #obey me barbatos #barbatos obey me #om barbatos #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me barbatos x mc #barbatos x reader #barbatos x mc #the threads that bind #misc writes #misc oc arsenios

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denjilvr · 2 years

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dating hcs!

synopsis - relationship headcanons with the chainsaw man characters! fluff!!

includes: denji, power, aki, makima

part two <3

denji

touch starved boy is always down for cuddles! doesn’t matter where or when, he wants to be touching you!

big fan of stay-at-home movie dates! maybe it’s because that was the one actual date he’s ever been on, but he doesn’t feel like a movie date is easy to mess up! also if you’re at home, he can cuddle you more accessibly!

boob lover. that’s canon. he loves tiddies. he doesn’t discriminate between shape or size, he just likes them! also really likes to hold them, not even in a sexual way, they’re like a stress balls for him lol

absolutely loves it when you wear his clothes, like, he melts on the spot

denji loves your home, he thinks it’s so warm, clean, and nice! not to mention quiet, especially in comparison to living with power. whenever he’s in your room, he pokes around at all of your stuff.

he has a thing for fidget toys and little trinkets! i headcanon him as having adhd (as someone with adhd ajdbdjej) and i feel like he would always be messing around with things!

he’s not the best at comforting, he always gives you his things to play with in hopes that it takes your mind off of things. of course he hugs you! but his primary go to is giving you whatever trinket he has easiest access too, even if it’s just the pen he was chewing on lol

he was so nervous when he first kissed you— every other kiss he had ended… poorly. you probably had to make the first move after three dates & still no goodbye kiss. so, you mustered up all your courage, grabbed that boy’s face and planted one on him! denji was shocked that nothing particularly bad happened, and since then he sees you as a good luck charm

he’ll trace your face when your sleeping, still holding onto you in someway because denji simply cannot believe that you are real. he’s dreamt about being in a relationship ever since he knew what they were… and here you are!! you’re his dream come true, he would do anything for you

sleepovers!! either at your place or his, the atmospheres are very very different! at yours, you’ll probably do skincare, watch a movie, make hot cocoa, and actually get some sleep. at his place, denji has to fight power away for your attention (since she adores you), and while they’re brawling you have a nice conversation with aki— usually about work or movies. once things calm down, the four of you will play video games and probably all fall asleep in a giant pig pile

dating denji is like dating your best friend <3

power

god, she’s a menace

always steals your stuff, claims it’s hers, and only ever returns it when it’s dirty, stained, or ripped

she brags about you all the time, to anyone that will listen and especially to those who won’t. denji has heard all about how wonderful, generous, magical, and beautiful you are, and aki has tried to tune out power’s ramblings while he attempts to get stains out of the sweatshirt she stole from you

biter. power bites you. she thinks it’s cute, and it kind of is, and claims thag she’s marking her territory. she’ll come up behind you and just take a bite out of your shoulder like?? okay i love you, too?? that was uncalled for though?? it’s better than her licking you though

you’re meowy’s favorite, too. like, even more so than power, and she hates it. every time you come over, meowy just migrates to you and power accuses both of you of being traitors

she hates baths… but she will take a bath for you! & only if you join her! or wash her hair!!

really likes when you do her hair or makeup!! she feels even more powerful and famous whenever you do, as will also take the chance to give you a makeover as well! you end up looking like a basis replica of her, but it’s the thought that counts and bonding moment that matters

she’s probably a caffeine addict, and doesn’t like coffee at all, so she’ll take you to her local convenience store to get at least ten monster energy drinks in one sitting. she’s a menace & you have to apologize for her when the cashier makes a comment about her having a "rough night"

she sleeps in a starfish position, hogs all of the blankets, and snores so, so loud. you will not get any sleep while you’re with her unless you take some serious sedatives. power does tend to use you as a plushie, though, so her sleepy cuddles make up for it a little bit </3

she will try to make you drink her blood late at night. you may be a little grossed out, but it’s a sign of intimacy and trust for her!

power can be a bit brash, but she loves you very very much

aki

god i love this man, such a caring relationship

he has a massive heart, and was an older brother, so he naturally is very protective of everyone in his life— you especially

he doesn’t want you near his work, & he doesn’t want to tell you what happens either. it’s a bit of a problem, but after time and some coaxing, you can get him to open up so he knows he can rely on you as much as you rely on him

not very into pda, but he’s very into private displays of affection! in his house, when you’re both hidden away from the world and the devils he has to fight at work. cooking together, reading together, drinking together, showering together, shopping together— so many things!! all done together!!

lots of hugs from behind, from either of you tbh. you could be cooking dinner and he’ll put his head on your shoulder & wrap his arms around your waist. he’s home from work and latch onto him while he’s taking off his jacket

the best at taking care of you when you’re sick; the second he hears you sniffling, he hauls ass down to the store to buy every kind of cold medicine available as well as at least four plushies

power and denji love you, especially if you’ve been dating for longer than they’ve known him. they want you to tell them all the embarrassing aki stories you have you oblige

god just imagine hanging out in his room at night with soft music playing & getting high with him oh my god i wanna get high with aki and himeno

kisses in the morning before he goes off to work & kisses when he comes back. it’s a little ritual, something he looks forward to every day until he comes home

you’re the sweetest thing in his life and he would do anything to protect you

makima

ha… haha… god she’s so intimidating to be around, no matter how long you’ve been dating her

you’ve got the respect of so many people in the public safety division, like, you made the beautiful and mysterious makima fall for you… how did you do that?

does that thing where she grabs your chin and tilts your head up to kiss you and akjdkejd it just give you butterflies every single time

she’s a bit of a movie snob, so expect to hear a lot about her thoughts on classic french cinema and anything she finds grotesquely underrated i just know she hates shrek

you go on a lot of very expensive and classy dates, ones where you’re both absolutely dressed to the nines & she always pays. maybe it’s a way to subtly prove that she’s the boss in your relationship, but it’s also because she enjoys taking care of you

i hope you love dogs, or at the very least don’t mind them, because she has ten. if you have the tendency to take in strays off the street, she’s a bit suspicious, but if you both give her your adorable puppy dog eyes, there’s no way makima could ever say no

she’s not that big on holding hands, but she does like to link pinkies! it’s a cute and subtle way to show her affection while not being overly unprofessional with pda

likes to buy you similar/matching clothing to her style, and really likes when you wear the clothes she bought for you. also really enjoys doing your hair & ensuring your nails are neat, pretty, & clean!

after a long day, she loves having you lie your head in her lap so she can run her hands through your hair and find comfort in your presence

not that big on pet names, but she has a few for you most notably "puppy"

she knows she’s not the best with dating, but she never stops trying and will leave you little gifts after arguments, just as a way to remind you that she was thinking about you. gift giving is definitely her love language

she finds you to be too cute for words, it’s what drew her to you in the first place; you won her whole heart <3

#can you tell i’m a hopeless makima simp?#yes i know she’s evil but #sndkdnksdnskdndkkd im so sorry #god i love them all #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man x y/n #chainsaw man headcanons #csm hcs #csm x reader #denji x reader #denji #power x reader #power #aki hayakawa #aki hayakawa x reader #makima x reader #makima

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undertale-writing-times · 1 year

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💗💓💘♥️💔 for Nightmare, Killer, Error, Horror, Dust and Cross? 👀 If it's not too much to ask for at once of course! ☺️ I just adore these bois 💝

Aw dang man, one of the emojis didn't work. I dunno what the black heart is but you can send that one again if you want.

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

Nightmare: Not really, no, and it's because he doesn't understand really? Crushes are still something new for him and he hates it. When he has a crush, he may focus on them a bit more than others and he might act a bit awkward near them.

Killer: Oh yeah haha. When he has a crush on someone, he tries to latch onto them as often as he can. Now if he's in love? He's much more protective and dislikes not knowing where they are.

Error: They feel much more awkward lol and might honestly stop talking to their crush for a while until they figure out their feelings... good luck.

Axe: YES! When he has a crush on someone he is very protective of them, cares for them, and hates it whenever there's anything that can be remotely dangerous to them. He might follow them around or just stand close to them cause of his crush.

Dusty: Sort of... they might notice him looking at them sometimes but then looking away fast. It takes a while for him to really let it slip that he likes them but he might stand a bit closer to them at times.

Cross: If they give him the chance to, he'll stick close to them and would bring them gifts sometimes. He wants to protect them at all costs pretty much and he is always nervous/embarrassed near them. So yeah, pretty noticeable lol.

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

Nightmare: In a romantic way; being close to his crush makes his chest feel strange and very warm. While in a normal way; being around too much positive emotion at once makes his chest feel strange and annoying.

Killer: If you mean in a romantic way, just being close to his crush or them paying attention to him makes his soul feel all warm and giddy while in a not-romantic sense, fighting! Fighting makes his heart race and he always feels so happy. It's… a strange feeling. A happy, but empty feeling.

Error: Hmmmm honestly? If they're too close to their crush and they see that they're paying them attention. It makes Error feel freaked out, and they're not sure if that's a good or a bad way? If the other person stares at them too long though, Error might lash out lol. They have emotional issues.

Axe: In a romantic way; if his crush touches him. Mostly his hands, but really any type of touch make his soul feel warm and it's a feeling that he sometimes forgets about. They're so warm compared to him, and it makes him feel so… happy. Otherwise hunting or getting a good meal! Mostly hunting, though.

Dusty: If his crush is too close to him. It makes his heart start to beat fast and he feels nice but also pretty panicked… it's a strange feeling and he really doesn't like it. He'll just have to get used to it.

Cross: There's a lot of things that would get his heart beating. In a romantic way, cuddling makes his soul feel strange. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy.

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

Nightmare: He does not believe in love at first sight. Relationships need to be built up! There's lust, there's affection maybe at first sight, but not love. The traits that he would need his datemate is that they cannot be too controlling of him. They need to respect him and they need to be honest… plus, you know, he doesn't want them to be JUST like him. They need their own thoughts and ideas.

Killer: He does :) though maybe not as strongly as Axe. With Killer, the traits that he needs his datemate to have is self-confidence even if it's just a little! They need to be honest with him as well as have a lot of affection for him. He needs attention pretty often.

Error: No! Not at all. They will never and never have believed in love at first sight. The idea to them is just… stupid. Now the traits that their future datemate would need is anger control…. sometimes Error has a hard time controlling their own anger and might say something on accident. And they need to play fair. Even if Error says something, they would never say something mean to just be mean and they want their datemate to not do it too.

Axe: Axe is the one that believes in love at first sight the most! The idea of that is… so sweet to him. Now the traits, honestly, I could picture him wanting to be with someone that he can take care of. He wants to help them and take care of them but he wants to be taken care of too. Plus, they need to be open to trying new things and… maybe help him try to do new things too.

Dusty: Dusty doesn't believe in love at fight sight. He might feel attraction to someone but he doesn't think that it is 'love'. Now traits that I think he would like for them to have is to be understanding. Sometimes he might accidentally do things and if they're bothered by it, he wants them to tell him and understand that sometimes they might do things that he doesn't like either. He doesn't want them to be too controlling or hostile to him.

Cross: Cross would want them to be respectful, Understanding, honest, and allow him to feel like he could depend on them and he hopes that they would depend on him too. Also! Yes, he believes in love at first sight but tries to act like he doesn't haha.

💔 BROKEN HEART - what could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

Nightmare: Pick Dream's side. Nightmare has been the second choice for so long in his life, that if his datemate chooses Dream over him, it would be one of the last straws.

Killer: Hmmm act like everything that happened was his fault. He knows that he didn't do everything really good, but he knows that he isn't 100% at fault.

Error: Bully them for their phobia of touch. It would make them react badly. There are a lot of reasons on why they don't like it.

Axe: Leave him behind. He has been left by so many people, that he isn't sure if he could handle it if his datemate left him too.

Dusty: Judging him without knowing his story.

Cross: If they ever hit him. Like just for no reason or to be abusive. Not like playful hit or when they're training together.

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h-doodles · 10 months

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oh, so many ideas so little energy and time,,, so ummmmm authors feel free to take a spin if you find something u like <3!!!!

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1.) inspired by Loving you is beautiful (darkfic) by @rippersz — wherein reader learns to enjoy Larissa's red flags rather than slowly wilt from the distinct skewed version of love :)

Excerpt:

You've been hurt by the world.

Pain is the only thing you remember, ever since you were young. Always remembered a yearning hunger deep inside your heart. Wishing to be loved, to be saved by someone.

But humans were monsters— it wasn't until you've found yourself on the gates of the so called Monsters' precious academy that you've found what seemed to be the shelter from the storm that is your life; found the answer to your prayers.

Found her.

Your savior, your goddess, your beloved.

You won't lie, trusting such a vision was a bit hard to bear, because to be so lucky was not in your nature. But oh, Larissa is so tender, is so sweet, is so caring, and is ever so patient— to stay by your side, equal parts loving and protecting you from harm. You feel a little silly now, asking all those questions then, about her kind; of how outcasts like her lived.

Isn't it such an irony, that it took you finding 'monsters', to find humanity?

Well. Well.

--and thats all ive got for it rn lol--

2.) ICE SKATER AU or wherein reader was a former ice skater but has since been retired, and is a part of their past they'd just occasionally brush off for stress relief. Can either be a new teacher for Nevermore or the new barista in town, who gets pestered to sign up by their former partner & still best friend (also a new hiree crushing majorly on one Coach Vlad :]) to a local skating contest. They didn't initially plan to, but after overhearing that a certain principal was interested in seeing the performances, well... local disaster gay brushes off the dust off their skates ;3

"You. Me. The lake, with your skates. NOW."

"Woah woah woah Y/N, hold on a moment. I thought we were going to the booth to cancel—" Elijah says, but I whap him with a rolled up newspaper.

"Well, that was BEFORE I learned SHE was looking forward to watching the event." I start. "And since we both know I am a small, disaster gay with 0 rizz and speaking skills, THIS is my chance to get her attention! It's brilliant! It's foolproof! She'll never see it coming!"

"Who'll never see it coming?" Coach Vlad pops up half dressed behind Eli, and I blink.

"Hold up, are you guys—"

"Yes." "N-Um." The two men look towards each other, before looking back at me. Eli mouths a yes.

"I cannot believe YOUR fucking luck!"

Bestie in Christ I WISH I had the luck, skills, AND charisma of THIS manwhore of a bestie-slash-longtime-skating-partner I have. Maybe then I COULD grab a whole fucking date with one Principal Larissa Weems. Is it too much to ask???

3.) academy time! Morticia/Larissa/Reader or where before everything went downhill, three girls had a secret worth keeping. bc i need the "and they were roommates + they're galpals <3" soooo bad

4.) 5 times they kissed + the 1 time they didnt FLUFF & then major angst >:) bc i love me a relationship establishment fic and then the worst pain imaginable to man aka Wifey death /// or if more fluff, just 5 dates and 1 wedding (BUT OFC THEY HAVE MORE DATES) :)

5.) Sleepy reader being a clingy mess and touch starved Larissa sooooo torn between having to get ready for the day vs staying in bed for 5 more minutes just to savor r's presence :')

---

...and then the NSF ones

6.) Reader is being more of a brat than usual so Larissa punishes them the next day by making them wear a remote controlled toy for the WHOLE day & getting teased at the most inopportune times but they are not allowed to cum >:)))

7.) OH GOD TRADE OFF where usual brat reader has been a V good girl™ for some time and in turn Larissa allows them one (1) wish...... and R picks revenge by having mommy wear the accursed toy and being teased 👉🏻👈🏻

8.) R making Larissa jealous soooo bad they need to be taught a lesson, marked & properly bred to appease the green eyed demon in Larissa's mind :) :) :) (and it works out bc R has been. entertaining v v filthy breeding kink thoughts oop)

9.) R has quite the closet of costumes and they find a cat maid cosplay 👉🏻👈🏻 practicing their meows and nyas and being all cute not knowing Mommy's been watching from the door the moment they started meowing

10.) oblivious reader unknowingly teasing Larissa all day and the woman is abt to FUCKING burst in horny except oh no???? reader was not oblivious and this has been part 7 of the 10 step plan to get Larissa as her gf >:))))))

#i am nothing is but a small and gay mess and i blame tall mommy for it #having so much clown thoughts abt a larissa weems x reader fic idea and im wondering if i can even commit to writing anything #larissa weems x reader #larissa x reader #fic ideas #insp

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minghaosslut · 9 months

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just a little short story i wanted to make after reading so many jeonghan cheating fanfics i thought i should make my own but reversed lol. this is my first story so pls don’t judge it’s just for fun tbh

warnings: female reader x joshua. smut. reader cheats on jeonghan with joshua.

never in a million years did i think i’d end up here. under THE joshua hong. moaning and screaming his name like it’s nobody’s business. under someone who is not my boyfriend. in a bed who’s not my boyfriends. having sex with someone who is NOT my boyfriend. normally i would be having a panic attack from all the guilt but in this moment i cant seem to care. is jeonghan a bad boyfriend? no. has jeonghan ever given me a single reason for me to be doing this to him behind his back? not at all. so why am i? why am i doing this to him? what seems to be an easy question to answer. i cant find the reason. “you like that baby?” i’m taken away from my thoughts when i hear joshua start speaking again.. “mmm y-yes right there” i can barely seem to speak from all the pleasure.. or guilt? or worry? i’m not sure. “how are you still so tight?” “is- ah fuck- is your boyfriend not pleasuring you enough or something?” he asks chuckling quietly to himself. that’s not true. jeonghan is an amazing lover in and out of bed. so that brings me back to my thoughts before. why am i doing this to him? is it because my 3 year crush on joshua has finally been reciprocated? i could’ve sworn my feelings for him had completely disappeared the moment i met jeonghan.. i keep asking my self why over and over. and i end up getting nowhere. i’m just a terrible person.. “you gonna cum baby?” you look up at joshua who is still pounding into you hard and fast.. this is probably the guilt eating me up but i’m suddenly not horny anymore.. “actually josh can you.. can you stop please?” you barely say. “huh??” he jolts into a stop still inside of you. “stop?? what the hell for!? i didn’t even cum yet!” “i-i know but i’m just not really in the mood anymore..” you say kind of embarrassed “god. i should’ve never given you a chance. you’re just like the rest of em. fucking slut” he spits at you while pulling out and disposing the condom. “what the fuck?” you say looking at him in disbelief “wow you are not the guy i thought you were.. i cannot believe i had a crush on you for three years.. no! i cannot BELIEVE i cheated on my boyfriend with you!” you basically scream. “hey babe that’s all on you. ain’t got nothing to do with me. and if you want my advice. i’d suggest you put that tight little skirt of yours back on and get back downstairs before your little boyfriend gets worried” he’s right.. it’s not his fault actually at all. it’s my fault. i cannot believe i did this.. jeonghan did nothing to deserve this. he trusted me and i betrayed him like it was nothing.. and for what? just for a quick fuck with an old crush who just so happens to be the biggest prick ever? god what has gotten into me.. “Y/N!!!” oh god. “sounds like he’s already searching for ya! good luck with that babe” joshua says while buckling his belt and walking out of the strangers room you guys were fucking in just seconds ago. “Y/N!!? WHERE ARE YOU?” fuck. you hear jeonghans voice from all the way downstairs even through the blasting music. you realize your still half naked on this strangers bed and quickly get up and re dress while preparing yourself to look your boyfriend in the eyes. there’s no way i can tell him tonight.. what the hell do i do…

sooo i’m not really planning on making a part two or what to even write for one. like i said this was and in the moment thing k decided to do just for fun but if this does ever blow up somehow i might consider writing one idk lol.

#jeonghan #seventeen #smut #angst #joshua #jihan #readerxjoshua #readerxjeonghan #seventeensmut #joshuasmut #jeonghansmut

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erinsintra-two · 2 months

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Weird stories I wrote as a teen I: mirrors are scary

Damn, it's been ages since i've posted anything here. I said to myself I would do it when I started writing my projects, and yet... Well, maybe someday, lol.

While those projects remain unfinished, I want to bless the five people or so who follow this account with the amazing pieces of art my fourteen year-old self created.

Context: A long, long time ago, I fancied myself a horror writer and wrote a bunch of short scary stories that I back then saw as peak art. I've read them a couple of minutes ago, and... Damn. They're cringy as hell, but still cool I guess.

This story was written back in 2018 (or 2017, idk, back in my emo days) when the room my PC was in had a really big mirror that I didn't like looking at because low self esteem. It's structured more like a tutorial than an actual short novel, but it's my favourite piece of writing from those days. So, uh, without further ado, here it is:

"How to open a portal ot the Underworld using a mirror"

You've probably at least heard of a legend or tale about mirrors. Some say that, if you break a mirror, you shall be cursed with seven years of bad luck. Some say that mirrors reflect our sins and bad thoughts and, the worse a person's actions are, the more heinous their reflection will be. But the truth is that mirrors are portals to other worlds. A long time ago, people whom we now call "witches" used them as hiding places for their victims' corpses, as well as to disappear without a trace when needed. There were also those who used mirrors not as an entryway, but to summon something into our world. This article contains every necessary step to turn a common bedroom mirror into a portal.

Be aware that the death risks are considerable and we are not responsible for any sort of damage your travels may cause to you.

You'll need:

A full-body mirror;

A black or white candle (using any other colour will make the ritual fail);

A lighter, or matches;

A compass;

A pocket watch, or something else that counts time;

Salt;

Water and glass cups;

A flashlight.

Special precautions before the ritual

We recommend you do this alone and tell no one. It’s not necessarily mandatory, but be aware that those present in your place of choice will be at great risk. You also do not need to do it alone, but we recommend you to do so. If you must, bring two people with you, no more, no less.

If you’re doing this at home, lock all your doors and windows. All of them.

The mirror cannot be cracked or rusting. It has to be in a decent state, as well as being somewhat clean.

You can only do this at night, and you must return to your home world before dawn. A bit of a cliché, you might think. But there is a reason for that: the thin veil that separates this plane of existence from others grows weaker during nighttime, allowing for safe travel between realms. If you fail to come back before sunrise, you’ll be stuck in the underworld forever. Or at least until you manage to create another portal from the other side. But believe when we say it, it’s not an easy task.

The pocket watch is completely optional, but greatly recommended. It will remain attached to your home realm, displaying its current time according to your local timezone, no matter how far you venture into the underworld. This will help you know how much time you have before sunrise.

Depending where you are, the compass may behave erratically. In our world, it always points north, but it might work differently in other realms. Bear in mind that it usually points in the opposite direction of your portal, and use this in your own favour.

Be aware that you cannot reach Heaven using this same technique. It is also not possible to choose the exact coordinates of your destination.

Step by step tutorial

After the sun disappears from the sky, enter the room with the designated mirror. Firstly, make a large circle using salt, in a way that engulfs both you and the mirror with plenty of space in between. Secondly, make a line under the door (or doors) that lead to the mirror room. If there are any windows, repeat the same process on them as well. Then put a cup beside each salt line and fill with water until it’s half-full. Following this, enter the salt circle and sit before the mirror, facing your reflection. Light the candle you brought, and hold it until it begins melting, at which point you must lay your dominant hand (the one you use to write) under it and wait until the melting wax fills your palm. When the candle dissolves into little more than a tiny stump, rest it over your palm as well, and wait until the flame dies on its own. Stand up and press the wax-soaked hand against the mirror, eyeing your reflection at all times. You must then spell your entire name backwards slowly, not taking your eyes away from the mirror, before smiling without showing your teeth. If you did everything correctly, your reflection will hesitate for a moment, expressionless, before smiling back and fading away. Take your hand away from the mirror. All the wax will have disappeared. The mirror is now a gateway to the underworld. You may now pass through it with the items you’ve packed. Have fun.

Important things you must know

At first, breathing the underworld’s air might be strange to your lungs. Do not pay any mind to it, for your body will eventually get used to the feeling anyway.

If you hear howls, grunts, human voices, or any sort of sudden loud noise, run. The overwhelming majority of the creatures you’ll find are not friendly, and they could all kill you in a heartbeat if they so wished.

If you do it frequently enough, the creatures of the underworld will eventually recognise your scent and heartbeat, making you an easier target. Be careful.

Whilst you venture yourself in the underworld, the mirror can still be damaged or broken. If someone or something manages to break it… As stated before, gathering the necessary items for the creation of another portal from the other side is not an easy thing to do.

Once you open the portal for the first time, it’ll automatically reopen itself every night, allowing anything and anyone to come in and out if they so wish. If you ever want to close it, you must break the mirror and discard every little shard.

Remember that the portal is not only a way for you to get in, but a way for something else to get out. Creatures can, and will, pass through the mirror if they get the chance to. The salt usually repels most of the creatures that try to pass through it without the owner’s explicit permission. Most. If any creatures try, or succeed, the water cups will help you figure out what happened:

If the water remains unchanged, nothing has happened. You are safe.

If the water changes colouration or thickness, it might mean that something tried to pass through the portal, but failed.

If the water grows in volume to the point of overflowing, and changes from crystal-clear to an oily black colour, it means that something has attempted to cross into your realm… And succeeded. Whatever it may be, it’s probably still inside your house, given that you locked every way out. Proceed with caution.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you believe this all started because I stared at a Minecraft Nether portal and thought "man wouldn't it be fucked up if we could make a portal to hell using only household objects..."?

So, uh, glad your stuck so far. Join us un the future as we take a look at "As if nothing ever happened", a story that was originally supposed to be the first chapter of this crazy cosmic horror mythos, but I got too lazy to write the rest.

@amastelaire hope you like it

#i'm not tagging this bro i don't want my followers to read that shit

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jerzwriter · 2 months

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some asks for carolina x trystan :))

31: Most prized possession?

35: What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

44: Superstitions or views on the occult?

Thanks so much for sending these! :)

From this list.

31: Most prized possession?

For Carolina, it would definitely be something of her father's, perhaps a watch or a ring that he always wore. And a card he gave her on her birthday. He wasn't big on cards, but he gave her a very sweet one and wrote a heartfelt inscription on the last birthday they shared together. I really want to come up with an HC for her mother - because she may be in here as well - but I'm so scared Book 3 will cover it and muck things all up. lol

For Trystan, I'm going to say some old drawings he has from childhood. They were pictures he drew with some of his siblings, during a simpler time, when the animosity between them hadn't developed yet. When he looks at them, he imagines a world where things could have gone differently, and in some weird way, it brings him peace.

I am sure he treasures a few letters he received from Julianna. He would keep them in a very special place and would take them out to read each year on her birthday.

Lastly, a photo of Carolina - I'm not going to say much more about it because I want to write a fic about it - but it signified a very big moment in their relationship, and he prints it out, frames it, it will remain one of his favorite things forever.

35. What do they enjoy but consider to be a waste of time?

Trystan's answer would be absolutely nothing. He'd argue that if it brings you joy, it's never a waste of time. (I kind of agree, lol)

But Carolina is more, well, Carolina. She doesn't mind a good social media scroll or maybe going on YouTube after a long day. But she can fall down that rabbit hole, and before she knows it, she looks up, and 2 hours have passed. She will literally curse at herself because she thinks it is a total waste of time.

44: Superstitions or views on the occult?

Oh, this is a tough one! After dealing with The Hand of Mahra, these two will want to stay as far away from anything cult related as possible.

But superstitions... I'm part Greek, and I know my family was insane with the evil eye. Some still are. I can see Drakovia having its own version, and though he's embarrassed to admit it, Trystan kind of always has one on him. Now, the evil eye is only supposed to protect you if it is a gift; it cannot be something you buy yourself. So if his goes missing, he has to get someone to buy him a new one. Mags was his go-to for this, but now Carolina is dragged in, too. Now, there is a little shop in the Bryant Park Holiday Market that only sells evil eye jewelry and such (I go there frequently lol). I can see Carolina going there at Christmastime and buying like 30 to keep stashed in her room. This way, when Trystan is freaking out because he lost one, she just goes to her closet and is like, "Here!" lol (Now I want to write that fic! lol)

Carolina really doesn't believe in superstitions, at least not anymore. She's seen so many bad things she doesn't think anything can ward them off. That said, she does have two things she does every New Year's Eve. One, at midnight, she eats 12 grapes the moment the clock strikes twelve. She makes everyone with her do the same, and Trystan will just have to wait for that kiss! After the grapes (and kiss), they run to the front door and throw a bucket of water outside. Both of these are commonly done in certain Latine cultures. I don't think she feels they usher in good or bad luck, but it's part of her culture, and she's very attached to the tradition, so she takes it very seriously.

Thank you so much for the great asks! :)

#crimes of passion #trystan thorne #carolina rose #trystan x carolina #trystan x carolina asks

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seoafin · 1 year

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hello everyone i am NOT dead!!! i am so sorry for ignoring all your kindhearted and amazing messages so here is a small (not really) completely random rambling update on me and this blog

italian food is good but the lack of actual asian food here is driving me insane. there is no rice. i went to the supermarket to buy rice. it was risotto rice.

traveling is a slay i've gone to so many places in europe and italy and i really say to hate it but i absolutely adored london even though im still not sure whether or not british people are faking their accent. it sounds so fake. i went to the shakesphere globe and managed to catch a play but i wish i could've watched six too!!! also watched black panther 2 in london and it was phenomenal. top 3 marvel movies. food in london was also phenomenal but that's because i had nothing but asian food. the boba was HORRIBLE. i think it was bad luck but the 3 times i got boba it just tasted horrible like idk how gong cha and truedan could do me like this i still feel betrayed

very much looking forward to going back to the states where i can get amazing asian food. italy is beautiful but way too small. i cannot wait to go back to uni in the states and never have to see another face i don't want to ever again!!! study abroad in italy has made me so grateful i go to uni in a big city thank god i did not go to one of the seven sister schools

i have been reading so much since coming here. i've been also going back to some of my childhood favorites like ella enchanted and poison study. i also went back to one of my favorite childhood series gregor the overlander and it devastated me so much i was unable to function for a full three days after i finished the last book. suzanne collins packs such a heavy punch in her writing i still cannot believe gto is a children's series 😭😭 it is so devastating and so fucked up the fact that it got published is insane. will probably die on the hill that it is better than animorphs.

i am trying to write but i think not writing for the last couple of months has made my writing brain shrivel because every sentence i write does not sound Good and makes me Cringe. i am trying to get back into the flow of writing by writing a little everyday but it is not looking good 😭 i am also trying to get my dash more active by following more ppl (mainly writers) but i am shy and picky and too content with the people i do follow 😫 i do have some ppl i wanna follow in mind i've just never followed...if that makes sense. say it makes sense.

i think the jjk inspo will return when jjk s2 comes out but for rn i think i do wanna complete that teru fic for nothing more than the sole reason of finishing it LOL

as for the jjk manga.....i still have not completely caught up but some of the stuff i've seen is....incheresting.

that being said, i have seen the new chapters of hxh and im so obsessed with the fact that we're getting chrollo's backstory guess togashi decided it was finally time😭

ohhhh right i watched the eagerly anticipated 1899 and it did NOT disappoint highly recommend it's on netflix. dark was better but dark was fantastic so anything that comes even remotely close can be considered amazing.

#can you tell i miss asian food. i miss kimchi. i can't eat spaghetti anymore.#returning to the states in 2 more weeks.....#this is absolutely completely random but i did say i was rambling so #i have so much more i wanna say but i think i'll just end it here anyway i hope everyone that reads this message is doing well #i WILL be more active but i will also be deleting my inbox and starting fresh #it makes me too nervous looking at all the messages i never answered i am sorry 😭#mt

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perelka-l · 6 months

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I feel bad for Archer. He strikes me as such a young and intelligent person. I get the impression that he experiences his emotions intensely and, for the most part, he hides it well. It’s just that when it comes to Giovanni and Nanu… they’re so much older and experienced by comparison. It’s like a child trying to lie to a parent. Archer simply cannot do it as well as he thinks. The only reason Giovanni and Nanu pretend not to notice is because they want to save him some grace. (1)

They’re also probably talking shit about him for it when he’s not there. Archer just wants to be loved by the only person he feels comfortable accepting that love from. Which for some reason is an old, fucked up mafia boss. Poor guy.

I'm gonna.... Politely disagree in most points xD I'll elaborate. As usual wwww

For starters I don't see Archer as very young. I see him as more early 30s-mid 30s category myself (I'd imagine he joined TR maybe mid-teens, btw, already when it was under Giovanni's reign).

Admittedly, Pokemas surprised me a bit with how young he sounds but also I recently got hit by a headcanon that Archer deliberately takes great care to groom himself and, in effect, looks younger than he really is, because it makes it easier to misjudge him, and that's a hc that I immediately implanted into my head. Plus, tbh, I feel like with every portrayal he looks younger and younger tho (I am unsure if I like it ngl).

With Archer's emotions I am usually struck how sentimental he can be. He emotes in LGPE quite nicely (mostly his anger lol) and his tendency to write letters to express himself is a neat little quirk that I feel like is pretty overlooked. I am 100% sure he did write at least one more letter aside from LGPE one and I... can't find it? At all?? Anywhere? I' sure I didn't imagine that, right???? wtfffff anyway he's a sentimental bitch MOVING ON Anyway, I feel like he could be a type that hides his emotions well (he does look a bity icy imho ...which is hilarious when you consider what Pokemon is his signature) and will express himself when he wants you to know what he feels. Like, for example, that he is fed up with your shit. If he wants you to know, you will know, but if he is more blank, it's hard to say. Though I really like how he hides smirk behind his hand, like he can't quite resist but still tries to be professional :)c

With comparisons to Giovanni and Nanu, I would say he does have some advantages over them as well. Archer is very idealistic and thus, driven and energetic when it comes to his goals. He is not only dedicated to Giovanni, but to Team Rocket as well - he simply believes that what is best for Team Rocket is to be led by Giovanni, and not himself. But all in all he believes firmly in an ideal, which is not something Nanu can say. Just yet another way they contrast with each other (which is something I wrote about in another anon answer).

I also can't help but perceive Archer as a determined perfectionist. That can be seen as contrast to... Giovanni, actually. Gio has more of an approach of well, I failed, I can try again later and differently, no rush tbh. Archer is different, trying to achieve something with nothing but a clear goal in mind, all tunnel vision, and he won't stop until he's clearly proven he can't get there. One could even argue Archer's failure in GSC stems from him trying to force Giovanni's hand from the way Gio approaches things. But that's an interpretation.

To continue a previous thought, I think Archer would even... appreciate being underestimated. He is a bit of a gray eminence, I feel. He has no need to be on the top, although number two fits him very nicely, as it gives him a degree of control, but he still responds to Giovanni, and Giovanni only, a sure wall behind his back (so losing that wall later on was a shock). At that, he is a number two in TR. I really don't think he got there by sheer luck alone, I do think he got this far through proper hard work and maybe on some corpses. Pokemas supplying us that Ariana actively desires to topple him and can't only speaks of his efficiency and reliability (in FRLG (presumably) she even warns player that (presumably) Archer is more powerful than she is, so make with that what you will).

That number two is a sign he's being appreciated for what he is doing. He does what is needed for TR, and this is Giovanni's reward. I don't think he cares about anything but this.

At the same time, I think Nanu wouldn't be foolish enough to underestimate him, for precisely same reasons. Anyone that got far in TR is a potential threat, and I'm gonna throw my hc here but Nanu remembers the time when Giovanni wasn't even in top 2. He is a cop and he is a traumatized man and that is enough for me to believe he wouldn't turn his guard down.

And Giovanni, well. For Archer, Giovanni is literally everything. I would say it goes deeply beyond just a crush - Giovanni is something that he can rely on as a concept, a goal to achieve and something that you can devout yourself to (and that's even how Archer describes him). Which is why I compared him to a wall, a comfortable concept on which you can lean. One could wonder if Archer perceives Giovanni as a man at all, but I like to think the answer is yes. I like a thought that Archer saw Giovanni at his lower (not lowest, that is something not even Nanu witnessed but he knows of) and is aware of some things about him that others never will. And Giovanni is both aware of this and ignores that, because Archer is equally reliable for him as well. There is this one follower that will always be devout, that you can nod at and he will come, eager to do anything you wish, and one that at that proved himself time and time again.

(and yet you left, because you found yourself not enough to lead even him. How the tables turn.)

#woops I accidentally did a 180 with that post sowwwyyy #it was a fun thing to ponder on so thank you though!!!!! I appreciate deeply bc I had to really fire up my neurons to justify stuff #So pls don't mind that I disagree like it was very fun to argue against!!!!#I often see Archer written as someone with low levels of own worth which I generally can understand when that comes from #but i think It depends who is in play and who isnt #since he is devastated after boss left and he could blame himself #But at the same time..... Archer knows why boss left #that is a very consistent thing which I feel like is sometimes forgotten #answers #anon #anonymous #rocket executive archer #also I don't think Nanu ever ever elts his guard down #But that is a side note

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atmymercy · 11 months

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Hi I wonder if I made it or not, I would love your Angelic Tarot, I would love to know from my Guides how to better protect myself energeticly, Psychicly, at night I can be hypersensitive to energy and feel unsafe sometimes. I call upon my Guides, and Archangel Michael. but it still takes awhile to shake it off. Thank you! N.V.W.

hello nvw! you did! i'm going to see how many more i can manage before i calling it for the night! lol ooh yes angel oracle! i'm sorry about your night occurrences, honey. let's see what your angels got to say! i'd just like to say though that i appreciate you coming to me, especially about these personal kinds of matters! i hope this really helps!

for you & the angelic deck.

your angels want you to trust in them more. the example michael is giving me is that if you pray to michael during the day for protection that will hold over the night, you are being proactive and you just need to believe that when night falls, it is done. they're not going to fail you, honey. you need to walk into the club with your head held high, even if you know everybody hates you because you are protected by your angels. fun examples, the angels are giving tonight! lol love it! also you need to get more fresh air at night when you do start to feel unsafe, even if it's just a few breathes from the window! you need to feel the fresh air on your face. it will help, they're saying! but i think this is actually ancestors saying this now. awww! so sweet of them to show up! and lastly, your angels are suggesting you should do something of service of another if you still cannot shake this feeling off! giving to another can help release old bad energy that's sitting around in you! woot! good luck, honey!

hope you enjoyed it! please give feedback or buy me a coffee when you can! also please tell your friends if you enjoyed this! if you want to explore this further, please consider a private read as well. also thank you for sharing with me!♡

love & light!

-tea

as always, my rules & info are in my pinned post if you're interested in a reading of your own!

#tea oracle reading #oracle reading #oracle cards #angel readings #angel messages #angel cards #angelreadings #divination #channeled reading #channeled message #channelled message #channelling #jeffsaturismybabygirl

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icepopstar5105us · 1 year

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WHEN WILL IT BE OKAY?” A REFLECTION ON HAPPINESS, HARDSHIP, CHOICE, AND LAUGHING AT A LOVED ONE’S FUNERAL

^Recent blog post. Don’t worry, there’ll be mostly fanfic writing on Tumblr, but if you like nonfiction or original stuff feel free to check it out. Lol. I just think Tumblr might appreciate the humor of this one.

—

“When will it be okay?”

The question feels like the eyes of a young child staring at me. Like the ghost of long nights staring at the ceiling and faking smiles at a reflection until it looks real.

A reminder of what has been. What is. What will be… and what I have overcome. A callback to childhood innocence and ignorance when such a time seemed so close yet so far.

It’s still there on the screen. Someone’s posted it out into the world like I once cried it sitting in a bathroom or left it in my notebook scribbled out amidst my other wandering thoughts. They want an answer. After all this time… I think I have one.

“Never.” I wrote, “And I promise that’s not as depressing as it sounds.”

“It’s like…” Like what? How do you describe the way life cannot be just sad or happy without sounding empty? How do you explain how to find joy when everything is dark.

Well, I reasoned, you don’t. It’s an experience thing… so maybe I better give an example.

“But first… I want to tell the story of how my entire family laughed hysterically at both my Grandfather’s funeral and his death.”

That sounds so bad, but at least it might get them reading? I really did feel for this person. I get it. I know what they’re talking about. I’ve been there. I wanted to tell them. To give them some light amidst the darkness and push them towards finding it themselves.

Besides, I have found beauty in the unique way my family sees misfortune. Perhaps it’s odd, but…

“My family is chaotic and, honestly, not financially well off. My Grandfather was a grumpy man with the worst luck I’ve ever seen to date.”

Abusive stepmother, dead father, stolen inheritance, met my grandmother and was drafted, Vietnam war veteran from a specialized unit, stepped on a landmine and survived, debilitating PTSD, poor while his stepfamily flourished using the land that was supposed to be his… It sounds like something from a movie. I’ve been considering writing a novel to be honest, but no one will believe me if I just post that in a random comment.

“His life was tragic by every definition of the word and sounds more like the plot of a dramatic novel than reality.”

That works. Now for the biggest reason he has always been inspiring to me despite his struggles, grumpiness, and poverty.

“There was one thing that brought him happiness, though: Family meant everything to him and he did everything he could to give all of us a chance to do something better.”

I know of hand built dollhouses, pictures of Grandpa coaching the local baseball team for my Uncle when no one could, stories of finding different homes for pigs meant for slaughter because my Aunt didn’t want them to get hurt, teaching my mom and Aunts how to raise sheep, selling various sentimental items to give his kids this or that…

In my own memories, I see an elderly man sitting on a couch discreetly changing the channel to my favorite show and then groaning when he ‘lost’ the remote. I see him raising an eyebrow at me and my brother trying to play checkers with toys and a chessboard drawn on paper and then the sudden appearance of board games the next time we visited.

I remember playing dress up and grandpa wearing crowns and capes even as the rest of the family teased him. I remember toys that were sentimental from my grandpa’s childhood — last remainders of his long dead father — being offered to play with and soft smiles breaking through when I hugged him. I remember the man who pulled my brother out of the street when a car came and held his wrist tightly as if afraid to let go.

When he moved closer to my family, there were fishing trips and days out together. I didn’t like fishing much at first (I’ve always been terrified of water and don’t know how to swim.), but I like being with Grandpa. Overtime, though, I grew to love them. Standing there, on the side of the lake with my brother trying to place a work on the hook, I could see Grandpa was the happiest he’d ever been. There was so much love and joy in him when he got to teach us something. I didn’t ever admit to him how much I loved those fishing trips, but he at least suspected that I liked them — especially since I always went.

He had a stroke, though, and we had to send him to a nursing home. While we tried to visit, he was a bit far away and due to financial reasons we could not move him closer. He grew tired and lonely without family around him.

That wasn’t relevant, though. Not for this. So I skipped all of that.

“At around 85 years old, his oxygen levels dropped inexplicably and suddenly. He was admitted to a hospital where they believed he would be fine with some treatment. After a couple days, the hospital unexpectedly admitted him to the ICU and called my family to say our goodbyes. We were shocked, but we all got a chance to see him.

The next day, my grandmother, mom, aunt, and uncle all sat with him. My grandfather was on a ventilator — they didn’t think he’d wake up. The room was solemn as they reminisced. My mom said, then, that I missed going fishing with him.”

He never knew how much those meant to me, but it wasn’t until I heard this that I fully understood how much it meant to him, because… In that moment, after my mom said that and everyone thought there wouldn’t be another moment…

“My Grandfather immediately opened his eyes, looked at my mom, and smiled the best he could. The conversation continued, then, but took a happier turn. Everyone talking about the best moments with smiles. They were all laughing hysterically.”

I wasn’t there — only adults were allowed in the room… but I know exactly what was happening. My family has a unique brand of chaos. It’s the kind of comedic chaos that results in singing musical songs at random, theatrical re-enactments with full body gestures, loud cackles, tumbling into furniture, mildly ominous or mischievous giggles, tripping into each other, sudden impromptu ballet/baton performances, balancing acts with water bottles and bowls and books, and random objects becoming makeshift puppets.

My Grandfather has always just sat back and watched the chaos with small fond huffs and a shake of his head. He relishes in the joy that comes with it… and in his final moments, it was no different.

“My Grandfather was the happiest anyone had seen him since he had been admitted to the nursing home. He died during that conversation. Smiling at his children as his eyes closed — truly happy.”

I could have ended it here, but I didn’t. There was one more story to tell.

“At his funeral, we were somber. We didn’t have the money to bury him properly. We had to lower his ashes into the grave ourselves.”

I remember the annoyance and frustration of my mom when we found that out. She was really mad. We all were, but we made do.

“My Uncle was [the one to put the ashes in], but he couldn’t reach all the way into the hole. It was mortifying as he had to lay on his stomach to get it in and use a tree branch to keep it upright. In any other family, it would have been horrifying…”

And it was. For a moment we were all mortified and trying to calm down. I remember my dad went to help — holding my Uncle’s ankles to help him get deeper. My Uncle’s wife — who was not blood related, of course — was all pale face and horror. My entire family was mortified. Except for one, because the middle child (Of course) Aunt suddenly couldn’t keep it in. [For the record, this woman is actually one of the coolest and successful people I know] She started snickering and then burst into laughter.

“We all looked at her and she said, ‘It’s just such a Dad funeral.’ We all looked at my Uncle laying on his stomach and the various make-it-work set ups. The cheapness was obvious, but the attempt to give our best was even more so… And cracked up.”

Because she was right. Grandpa was always trying to do everything he could for his family and, while sometimes he’d end up with something awesome, other times it was a bit… unconventional. When that happened, he’d teach everyone how to make do. He never let the failure keep any of his family down and would develop an attitude of ‘by golly this is going to work whether it looks awful or not!’

“[The Funeral] was the exact kind of thing my Grandfather would have both done and loved. Despite the disaster, we were doing everything we could to honor him. That always meant more to him than everything else.

It was something the whole family, including him, had grown fond of. These weird little contraptions made to hold up decorations on walls, baseball helmets with padding held by glue/duct tape/sheer force of will, tilted go karts on wobbly wheels made from broken lawnmowers, broken swing sets repurposed to hold tire swings when trees got cut down, and spindly bikes welded and bolted back together.

“We make it work.” We say, but that’s not exactly true.

It works and we made it… but I think there’s a sense of pride with it. A lesson my grandfather taught us all — something more valuable than anything he inherited and a skill that few have the way he did.

There’s a special kind of tenacity, capability, and strength that comes from making it work. I think anyone who has ever been through hard times and come out better knows that much. Yet, my grandfather never just made it work. He found joy in the process and the people around him.

Maybe that’s why this question made me think of him.

“In both situations, we could have been sad. We could have cried and wept. It could have been heartbreaking and awful. Yet, we laughed in the face of pain. It didn’t fix everything, but it brought us good when dealing with the worst.”

We found pride and joy in the darkest moments.

Like a boy who became a farmhand when his stepmother stole his father’s land from him and gave it to his younger step-siblings. Working extra hard and hoping he might find a way to get it back, but also just relishing in being able to work on the land his father used to spend so much time on.

Like a nineteen year old who became one of the best agents when he lost his chance at college and was forced to leave his lover to go to war.

Like the soldier who got half his back blown up and was just happy to get to go home when he was told he’d never be the same again.

Like the penniless father who wanted to give his family the world, and so he built it all for them himself.

“Here’s the thing, life will never be 100% positive. There will never be that perfect day where everything is better and happier. No one has that. Even when they think they do, they don’t. Life sucks. The world is cruel and awful. People will hurt you. You will hurt someone else. There will be stress, pain, and tears every step of your life.

Yet, it’s not 100% negative either. There are smiles, laughter, and love in the darkest moments — whether in spite of them or because of them. You cannot be hurt if you did not care in the first place. If you were happy all the time, then moments of joy wouldn’t mean as much. You cannot be betrayed if you didn’t love and trust. You cannot be numb if you did not feel something before.”

(Grandpa proved that love and joy and pain can exist in the same act. That there can be conflicting emotions and you can choose whatever part you want to focus on.)

“Things will get worse even as they get better. One thing will be a disaster and another will be wonderful.”

“You can choose to look at what you want. Will you let the worst drag you down? Or will you let the good lift you up?”

(Make the choice to push the boundaries of what you think is possible and attempt to change your fate. Create, build, change, succeed and fail… No matter the result or aftermath, find pride in the process and joy in the people who joined you. Don’t focus on how strange it looks or how little you have. It works and you built it. You did it. You’re making things better one step at a time.)

“Will you die silently crying as everyone around you mourns? Or will you go laughing hysterically with the people you cared for the most? In the end, it’s up to you.”

I post the response and smile.

Maybe Grandpa didn’t get to give us the farm. Maybe we’re broke and our luck isn’t the best. Yet, he gave us all something better, didn’t he?

I switch tabs to check my email and see that my marketing internship has been extended that I will be paid. There’s another email in my inbox from a friend who works in another department — telling me that she thinks I probably will have a job offer once I graduate college. I know I can do it. The classes I need to take are hard, but I know most of the material. Not to mention, the tuition is almost entirely covered by scholarships.

Funny that news should come when I was just writing about my Grandfather who first taught my mother how to research effectively and write a news release for a local event she was planning. A skill that developed into an interest and career.

A skill that I picked up on when I wrote news releases for a fundraiser for a charity. Something that changed my life once I realized that I had raised ten thousand dollars and that I was good at it.

How funny that I should be already thinking of the legacy of the man when my employer expresses that the problem solving skills I learned from his ‘making do’ have impressed everyone in the department and people outside of it — that multiple businesses who came in contact with me have asked for my contact information because they like how I am not afraid to try new things and how much I can actually do.

I’d never thought about it, but I had taken my family’s chaotic way of trying until it works — the passion of ‘I want this to work so I will’ — to every part of my life. This little quirk I learned from my grandpa had become a way for me to learn by experiment and trial. Other people call me brave enough to try new things, but is it really bravery when you didn’t know there was something to fear in the first place?

This is what I inherited from my grandfather.

Its the ability to stare at misfortune or failure in the eye and see only possibility and what I’ve learned for the next attempt. To hold my fate in my own hands and bend until it breaks so I can take the shattered pieces and make art.

This is what it means to choose your path. To make it work, to stand amidst misfortune and laugh — to learn from the mistake and take pride in failure.

It’s true freedom — limited only by the boundaries of physics, time, and the limits you set yourself — to be able to try fearlessly and learn from failure. To take risks with every step and learn from the consequences.

For a man so worried about what he couldn’t give, I think he gave me the most valuable gift of all.

Maybe, you can find it in you, too, to push the boundaries. Maybe I can grant this too. Here, just take it. It’s all out there for you. Take pride. Take joy. It multiplies if you want it to.

Look at your failure. Isn’t it beautiful? A masterpiece of time and energy. Not wasted, no, because it was fun and you learned and you laughed.

When will that failure work? When will it be okay? Well, never. You could try again, of course, but this one is a flop and you’re laughing just at the thought. It has good memories even though it doesn’t work, so you’re happy with it for now.

This could be what you have, if you want it.

Just look for it. Work at it. Try it. Take it.

Choose.

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impressiverunaway · 3 months

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Draft Dump: Still on my mind (2/4)

and of course I'm annoyed as hell about it. I really do not know why I am having such a hard time with this. I've been in these types of situations with the constant back and fourth that never go anywhere. He knows what I am looking for and claims he wants the best for me. That he needs a few years to focus on what he wants. Is it vain of me to believe he wants me, but for the toxic male thing where they're taught showing emotions is bad, that may be the reason he is holding back. Why show up at my house at 4am if you don't see things going anywhere between us. Why make comments consistently about me having a boyfriend if you don't care about me in that way. Was it because you had been drinking. Is being with someone that displays a drinking problem someone that I'd like to go down that path with. No, I absolutely do not. But I could see him turning his life around and I'm not sure what that means. Things definitely got complicated way too fast. It's the connection between us that is hard to let go, that I feel at least. It's been very childish, but in a sweet kind of way. Like we are young, sneaking time together without our parents knowing. Slipping out through a window. It's exciting, thrilling. And for the most part, I enjoy spending time with you. It just becomes very frustrating, and I get tired of being bothered by the same thing. I am very much confident I'm a great catch. On the road I am on, I'll only be getting greater every day. He's gotta keep up, and move faster than I am. His standard for a man, is not a standard I care for. It's 2023, times have changed. There are so many old school standards that have long been left in the past. No sex before marriage. Different times. Women being the primary bread winner is a thing. It shouldn't be all one sided in my opinion. I like to pull my own weight and would like things to at least be 50/50. Yes, I would love to have my own sustainable income no matter what. And fuck yeah, who wouldn't want a spouse/partner that would gift play money just for the hell of it. It's sad really, because the friends in his circle, that I am aware of, aren't going anywhere in life either. I knew one of them well, and I'm sure still do know the type of person he is today. I very briefly had an interaction with another that cannot follow through with anything. And the last, a band member, doesn't sound like he has any faith in him either. He also said the dumbest shit like "i can predict his future lol". Telling me he's known him for a long time and there is nothing I can tell him that he doesn't already know. That he can just look at his face and know everything. I told him "Good luck with that." Of course, all of this is happening at a very odd transition in my life and recent diagnosis of BPD. So, I am really struggling to weed out if this is who I naturally am. I'm starting to realize more and more that I am not this overly nice person that I thought I was. It was drilled into me to be respectful, which is a good quality to have in a person. Considering all of these self-entitled assholes. I literally just looked up self-entitled to make sure I had the correct term and it's described my father to a tee. I don't want to be like him, ever. And as I first saw the basic definition, I felt overwhelmed by a sense of fear that I am self-entitled without knowing so and had to read more to discover if that is in fact me, or not. It in no way is. What a fucking relief. I know I've have some moments in life that I regret. Mistakes that I have learned from and will continue to learn from. Of course I can be strong enough to know when someone is manipulative, I've had plenty of experience to be able to identify it. Someone that is closed minded and cannot consider that they may be wrong. I just ended two friendships because they are not meeting my standards as friends.

#journal #personal #bpd #dating #mental health #love

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harryhandstan · 10 months

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HIIII happy (late) 4th of july!!

you are literally the sweet person to ever exist i can’t believe its been like 2 years since we last spoke. its crazy how time flies

oh noooo im sorry that happened to you :(( im glad ur doing better and taking good care of yourself 💓💓 wishing u a speedy recovery!

alsoooo good luck with house hunting! that must be so exciting!!looking for a new place to call home and making new memories in it! i just know youll find the most beautiful homey and perfect place!! im manifesting for u

im doing well!! not much happened except for school stuff but i just went to my first ever pit concert a few months ago! i saw the driver era (only because i thought ross lynch was hot lol) i didnt know what to expect for pit but i didn’t expect to stand for 8 hours straight 😭😭 AHHHH ALSO im seeing taylor swift in a few weeks and i literally cannot wait!!!!

im always thinking about u! talk to u soon!! good luck 🍀 love youuuuuuu!!! 💗💓💓💞💕

-🧸

happy late 4th of july to you too bestie!! I hope you had a great day!!

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this btw it's been storming here so my wi-fi has been in and out all day!

omg stop you're so kind to me I genuinely love talking to everyone and I consider you and many others here my friends so y'all make it easy to just repay the love I've been given!!

it's actually only been a year bub! I only know because I looked it up to refresh my memory about what we talked about before cause like I said a lot had happened and I couldn't remember if we'd talked since my accident. it was last year after my birthday and after harry's house came out. but really it's alright I don't want you to feel bad!

thank you so much for the well wishes ❤ I realized after that I left some detail out of what happened to me and didn't explain it very well, but if I ramble on too much just feel free to skip over it! basically not only was I kicked but I went flying about 8 feet across my yard too, which caused me to have a compression fracture on T11 of my spine. I also had a contusion on my right hip (which is just a really, really deep and bad bruise), which is where the point of impact was. I will (hopefully) continue to improve, but having arthritis still causes me to have a ton of pain if I do too much physical activity. that part of my spine is also partly collapsed and always will be, but my neurosurgeon said that as long as my arms and legs are still okay that I should just slowly start to get back to "normal" life and listen to my body as I go along! I asked if I needed to keep up with x-rays or anything over the years but he said my symptoms would get much, much worse if the collapse got any worse and I would know I need to come back to see him. he also said IF I would've had to have surgery that it would take like 12 pins and a huge rod to correct things so I'm so SO lucky that things weren't any worse!

thank you so much for helping us manifest!!! it means more than you'll ever know because it hasn't been easy so far trying to find a place 😔 we live in such a rural area in GA and we originally wanted to stay in the same town because I was supposed to start a new job in january and we wanted to be close to my work. I probably won't get to take that job now (which is a whole other long story), and since there are very limited options we're probably gonna have to broaden our search to surrounding towns that are slightly bigger! we ultimately want a house together, but I think we're gonna have to settle for an apartment for now until we can find the perfect place for us. anything would be better than here rn though!!!

idk if I've ever talked much about my dad to you but we have as no contact of a relationship as possible even though we live in the same house. he's the reason for my accident and so the day it happened and we were waiting for the ambulance to come my mom told him that we wouldn't be coming back to this house. but then we had no choice we didn't have the money or resources needed to go elsewhere. I was worried as I got better she would forget about that and slip out of that mindset, but thankfully she hasn't! she just told me tonight we'd probably go look at apartments next week and that she can't wait to get out of here. I could truly cry at the thought of having a safe, clean, and comfortable space away from him. it's what my mom, my siblings, and our dogs all deserve!

how is school going? how much longer do you have to go? and oohh I'm so happy you got to experience a concert in pit!! it's amazing but it is soooo exhausting I hope you got lots of rest afterward 😊 when I saw harry I wore my ankle support thing to my pit concert to because I knew my feet would be swollen the next day probably. and taylor swift that's so cool!! I'm very excited for you!! I hope you have the best time!!! where are your seats for that show?

I'm always thinking about you too!! seriously sometimes I'll just think about you or how you're doing so just know you're always getting any spare good vibes I have sent your way ✨ thank you thank you for the good luck!!! love you moreeeee 🤍

I was gonna tell you about getting to see stevie nicks and my road trip to see my little brother but I talked so much this time we'll save those stories for next time if you wanna hear about them!!

#again I'm sorry this is so long!!!!#ask me stuff #anon #answered #🧸

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shslpunkartist · 2 years

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Hi Punk! Lil Sis wanted me to wish you good luck on your comms today and we both hope you will get some silly comms one day! Also uhm that other post- the one where you were a lil freaked out over anon sending a question about Kim's Pico there- erm is it bad that I was admittedly curious about him too? As in general, I mean. Lil Sis also been curious too but now she feels maybe she should wait to ask later because, to quote her, "I don't want Punk think I'm a creepy meanie spy creeper" 😂

Oh yeah I forgot. Gonna just copy paste what Kim sent me

Under the readmore cuz it's long

I should start off that he and Pico's mom were in their early twenties when they had Pico. Why I mention this? Because he, by netherworld demon standards, IS still in his twenties. So he looks more like his son's twin instead of his father. His wife on the other hand has actually aged noticeably over the years due to her being human and all.

If you're wondering, yes, this has often cause confusion among people over the latter years. So many folks had mistook him for as his son's twin that it's pretty much a running gag at this point. Fortunately magic and non-humans are a thing in this universe; he doesn't say he's a demon since uh his kind is rather different than the ones in that universe are but he DOES say he does have some minor lineage of his side of the family that make it so he's stronger and more long-lived than normal humans. Which is also a thing in this universe too so the cover works. Still doesn't stop him from often needing some help from his wife to prove he's telling the truth lol

Oh and I know I probably said this before but my Pico's dad is nothing like Matthew. He might be considered a bit worrisome by human standards if only because uh haha this dork often forgets that certain things that would be normal and ok in netherworld demon society wouldn't be so in human society (like for example him wanting to slaughter this creep who wouldn't stop creeping on his wife, even saying yes to little Pico if he could help, only for him to get bonk on the head by his wife who had to pulled them aside to try her best to explain why he and their son cannot do that. Both him and lil Pico listened in the end but they were both very grumpy afterwards) but overall is a good man despite the hiccups.

Hell, you wanna know how he'd react if he were to have another child but unplanned like how Morgana was? Well, he'd admittedly be unsure at first and will talk things through with his wife if only cuz netherworld kids require a LOT of attention especially since even at young age they're ridiculously strong and durable and uhm prone to accidental destruction at times not kidding about that last bit btw

lil Pico once knocked over a FREAKING TREE while trying to show off how tough he was to some friends at elementary ended up giving the poor PE teacher a new heart attack because one minute they were helping a kid on the swing then the next SUDDENLY A FREAKING TREE IS HEARD SMACKING NEARBY School never found out it was lil Pico btw. Oh he and the kids who saw it said he done it but they didn't believe them because, well, y'know lol

but anyway getting back on track Pico's dad would've accepted the other child if his wife wanted it. It'd be best not to mention what Matthew done to him because… well, this guy would consider your Pico and his family as his own. Partially cuz that's just how he is, partially cuz instincts from his dragon lineage makes him very protective of those who he considers friends and family and wouldn't stand for any serious injustice to them.

So uh for him to learn about what Matthew had done? He'd be very upset on their behalf. Murderously so. His wife will need to step in to talk him down because this man will go out to find Matthew and slaughter him. Yes that might seem ridiculous for him to go do this since your Pico isn't actually his but, well, it wouldn't exactly be too unusual within netherworld demon society. I HAD mentioned netherworld demon's sense of morality is rather odd at times y'know so you can say this is another good insight to that lol I'd also like to add if your Pico and those of his family were to step in to talk him down then he'd listen. He'd be very dumbfounded at them doing this because why wouldn't you want that fucking bastard dead after everything he had done to all of you??? but he'd eventually albeit very reluctantly back down. He'll definitely be grumpy about it for awhile though lol

#idk what to tag this as so uh #Punk Verse #even though this is Kim's Pico and his dad

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