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breakfastteatime · 1 year

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Alrighty friends, here we go, Breakfast Tea's Battle Scars Review. Putting it under the cut because spoilers, and also my levels of spiciness are at maximum. Lots of swears ahead! I don't tend to write book reviews (hi, unpublished author over here) but, uh, this is for science!

For the record, I have NO IDEA how these tie-ins are commissioned. So, for example, I don’t know if the author came up with the plot and it was okayed, or if she was told “do something with A, B, C and D and make it a book” so I appreciate that she probably didn’t have as much freedom as a fic writer.

Also, yes, I did get to the point where I was skimming chunks of the book, so if I'm factually wrong, feel free to correct me, but know that it won't make me like the book any better because my issues are layered and numerous👍

Also also, this is pretty stream-of-consciousy so go with me, okay?

Finally, there’s *one* spoiler that I’m guessing will tie into the game re: Greez.

Okay, let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Plot Summary (warning, I haven't done a good job summarising it hahahahahahahaaa)

The plot is - the crew go to break into a Haxion Brood base because reasons. While they're there they find a bunch of stormtroopers, one of whom is actually Fret, who wants to defect because she's sick of the Empire. Merrin is instantly attracted to her which, okay, sure, fine, to the point of becoming completely giddy around her. Also, Merrin's been struggling with her powers because of all her trauma from Dathomir (a very good a legit reason but, uh, didn't we do that with Cal in the game ANYWAY AHEM) but DON'T WORRY, SHE JUST NEEDS TO HAVE SEX WITH THE RIGHT PURPLE LADY BECAUSE SHE’S ANGRY AT THE EMPIRE TOO AND SEX WILL SOLVE ALL OF MERRIN’S WOES AND LITERALLY ALLOWS HER TO ACCESS HER MAGICK AGAIN WOO! Oops, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Fret then reveals she's not actually a stormtrooper but used that as a disguise to escape because don't you know it, she's got intel that will lead them to something called the Shroud, which will essentially make anyone who has it invisible. Think cloaking technology from Star Trek. That's the best comparison. So, if the rebels have this, they'll be able to undertake sneak attacks, but if the Empire has it, BAD NEWS. ANYWAY, the crew go to the person Fret’s working with who claims he’s anti-Empire too and he’ll use the Shroud for good and everyone agrees they’ll go get the schematics and bring them to him. Off they go and find said Shroud schematics after Merrin totally gets her powers back after receiving some sexual healing (no, really), only to discover the Shroud’s schematics aren’t written down but are instead secure in Fret's oops-not-dead lizard girlfriend Irei's head... and she's vaguely Force-sensitive because OF COURSE SHE FUCKING IS. Oh and the Fifth Brother is here too because he naturally wants the Shroud and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Mantis crew are all totally at odds with each other because it turns out despite living and working together for years they’re all after totally different things but have never said anything until now, which would be interesting if Fret wasn't there being all self-insert OC. And anyway, don't worry, the crew gets over it. Oh, and Greez loses an arm protecting Cal and Cere from the Fifth Brother about halfway through.

Uuuuh what else….??? Oh! Right, Fret’s dealer dude. They realise he’s bad, they defeat him. Boom. Can’t be arsed to go into more detail than that (also I was totally falling asleep reading this part, my bad???).

Fret and her ex(?) get back together (kinda??), leave the Mantis after the whole Shroud thing and the Fifth Brother are dealt with, Merrin opts to not go with them and Fret’s like “Oh, yeah, I see what you have with Cal” and Merrin’s like “??? Cal’s like that with everyone.” Interpret that at your discretion.

OH OH OH and Cere totally goes off to find some Jedi circlet thing that is LITERALLY A VIDEOGAME ACCESSORY USED TO BOOST STATS which is (unintentionally??) hilarious but fuck that it’s so completely lost in the rest of it, as is a lot of Cere’s desire to create a legacy for the Jedi.

The Good!

Hooray for LGBTQ+ representation!

Fight scenes are good when the action is happening.

Cere's characterisation is okay???? Like out of all of them, she feels the most in character... kind of???????? I get her motivation, and it feels fairly close to what I think she's gonna be up to in the next game. But her decision to… wait… sorry, this was meant to be positive. ARGH! Alright, let’s move on…

I really like the concept that, since the end of the first game, they’ve all been on the run from the Empire and the Haxion Brood. Excellent concept! I’m guessing Survivor will give us more.

I also really like the concept that the crew all want different things.

SPOILER!!! Greez loses an arm. This scene was pretty good and believable – Greez wants to save Cal and Cere and he makes a terrible sacrifice to do so.

The Everything Else

👎 Wish that LGBTQ+ rep was in a better written book. I do read romance sometimes (or, more accurately, books in which romance occurs) and I am not opposed to instant attraction. But I like it to be a bit less fire-hose-of-HAWTNESS to the face. It basically feels that Merrin has a week-long relationship with someone in which sex solves all her problems??? There's a lot of stuff in this book about why Merrin can't go to her actual friends with this (she's a Nightsister, dammit, and no one can understand how she feels but Fret is angry like Merrin is, therefore instacrush, lust, sex and AAAAARGH), but wouldn’t it be much more narratively satisfying if the people who support her through her troubles are the ones she has long-term relationships with??? Near the end Cal does become this person to her but it feels a bit awkward. Almost like he’s stepping up because Fret left. 👎 Merrin’s struggles here, while absolutely understandable, feel like a rehash of Cal’s entire journey in the game… except Cal sorts his shit out one way, and Merrin shags her way to better mental health. I mean, get yours, Merrin, but it feels like an odd choice, because… 👎 Fret, Merrin's love interest, feels like such an author self-insert it actually made me uncomfortable. Lady, I don't wanna read your fantasies!!!

👎 The plot doesn’t have room to breathe because there’s too much going on. And while I’m here, the Shroud feels completely universe breaking because while the prototype they wind up making is a fake and becomes a bomb, the fact that Irei designed it to hide herself (she’s Force sensitive, remember??!?!?!) means it could potentially work and literally change the Star Wars universe... But Irei’s a total non-entity in the rest of canon sooooooooo this universe breaking macguffin is pointless, making the plot largely pointless??? Or did I miss something when I got to the skimming part? WHATEVER. The Shroud thing… Aaaah, I’ll get back to that later… 👎 There’s too much authorial voice masquerading as the characters. In other words, I didn’t hear the characters, I just heard the author coming through loud and clear. (and okay, yeah, every time I have a character suddenly be British makes me guilty of this too BUT I like to think it’s not as bad as this. HEY! LET ME HAVE MY DELUSIONS ALRIGHT?!). For example, Cal goes off on this whole *thing* about the Fifth Brother's hat, which doesn't feel like him at all. At no point in the game did he go off about Trilla’s helmet (which he compares the Fifth Brother’s hat to) or trade really petty insults. He has his whole bravado thing going on, but not “dude, your hat looks STOOPID.” Seriously, it’s about a page of him being uncharacteristically cocky and sassy (more on Cal’s characterisation later). This authorial voice tendency makes everyone feel the same, especially when you’ll read one thing in Cal’s POV, move onto Greez’s, and Greez will think the exact same thing. There’s very little differentiation in character voice. The banter is BAD. 👎I'm not saying JFO isn't funny because it has some lovely moments (“Wait, do you have feet?”), but they are light touches. This book's 'humour' is like having an anvil dropped on your head. This is the book where subtly came to die until the VERY end where there’s some nice moments with Cal and Merrin… except it’s ruined by Cal CONSTANTLY thinking about how he needs to protect his family… Which brings me onto… 👎 This book is so repetitive. If Cal referred to the others as 'Family' one more time, or someone else said they wanted to make a dent in the Empire’s hull, I'm not sure my e-reader would've survived. I actually counted btw – pg 77 of my ebook edition has the word family on it 7 times. SEVEN TIMES. The word crops up 39 times overall and once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop. The phrase ‘making a dent’ appears 9 times and again, once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop. Oh editor, where are you?

👎 It’s also inconsistent in its storytelling. For instance, there’s a moment where Merrin and Cere go off on a mission together and Merrin reflects on how well they always work together… and then later on she goes off with Fret and is like “It’s so nice to not be alone for a change!!!” And while this is probably in reference to how her and Cal tend to approach missions from different angles (literally – above and below), it’s one of those instances where something here needed editing – e.g. actually Merrin and Cere have never done a mission together, therefore that’s nice, and so when she goes off with Fret she can be like “wow, twice in one day! I could get used to this!” It’s shit like that made the whole thing so frustrating. 👎The structure is bad. Midway through an otherwise good action scene, the POV character will stop to think for so long they would have been killed. It really disrupts the flow of the battle. The pacing just screeches to a halt. It’s the same whenever the characters reminisce on the events of the game, but I’ll come back to that. Stick a pin in it! 👎 The book also does a several days later flashback that wrecks the pacing. We’re at this moment of tension – they’re about to break into a compound but oh no – the access codes from Merrin’s girlfriend don’t work because GASP she lied about abandoning the Empire! Cue tension! Cue drama! Cue… romance in a ‘several days earlier’ flashback. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. Honestly, poor, poor Cal the first time he gets to use his own room again. Echoes EVERYWHERE. He’s gonna go as red as his hair every time he looks at Merrin and everyone’s gonna get the wrong idea. Sorry, what was my point? OH RIGHT! Pacing! Pacing BAD.

👎 BEEDEE WUN. Get. In. the. Fucking. Bin. 👎 Speaking of our beloved BD, he is here, but he's referred to as 'Cal's droid' or Cal is referred to as his master, which... no. Absofuckinglutely NO. At one point, Merrin (who presumably has known BD for 2-3 years at this point), thinks of BD as Cal’s ‘strange but cute little droid’. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! They are friends. Best friends. Cere, when thinking of the crew, her family, states there are "four and a half people" on the crew. BD IS NOT HALF A PERSON, AND ALSO OH GOD THE HISTORICAL CONNOTATIONS OF THIS ARE SO BAD, HOW THE HELL DID AN EDITOR NOT PICK UP ON THIS?!?!?!?

👎Cal's characterisation is NOT good. He is so inconsistent outside of I MUST PROTECT MY FAMILY. MY FAMILY, THE CREW OF THE MANTIS, WHO ARE MY FAMILY. I WILL DIE TO PROTECT THEM, MY FAMILY, THE ONLY PEOPLE LEFT TO ME THAT I LOVE, THE MANTIS CREW. Which, for the record, works as a motivator for him, but not when it’s done with all the nuance of a sledgehammer to the knees. When Merrin's busy having sex in the engine room (you know, where Cal sleeps, the guy with psychometry), he is initially naive to the point of stupidity. “Oh golly gosh, Merrin’s sealed the door, I guess that means her powers are coming back!” He was on Bracca for 5 years. I think he knows what goes on behind closed doors. When he realises what's happened, he is both totally blasé (the Jedi don’t have relationships so he’s never thought about it), and also jealous in a way that can be interpreted in one of two ways, depending on your shipping leanings. He's either jealous because Merrin is HIS woman (oh, no, sorry, I mean GIRL. Fucking HATE it when adult women are called girl), or he's jealous because Fret is inserting herself into HIS FAMILY, THE CREW OF THE MANTIS, THE FAMILY HE WILL DIE FOR when she’s a lying liar who lies. He’s *so* petty he refers to Fret as a ‘gal’ which, again, UUUUUUUUUUUGH. Oh, and he's seen an echo revealing Fret to be a liar, but he's not going to disclose it to the others because he doesn’t want to hurt Merrin when she’s finally happy and able to use her magick again and yet Fret might be about to kill his family, the crew of the Mantis, the people Cal will literally die for. Because they’re his family. PICK A MOOD, CAL. Actually, wait, I’m not done with what’s been done to Cal…

His characterisation makes me want to weep. He gets annoyed with Cere for wanting to find a Jedi relic despite... the entire... first game... being... about... this... exact... thing????? I think the author was going for “well, Cere wants to create a legacy for the Jedi so their history is not lost to time!” whereas Cal wants to (say it with me!) ‘put a dent in the Empire’s hull’ which, okay, there’s an interesting contrast, but Cal is someone who is inherently linked with the past so why is *this* the conflict between these two? It’s not quite working for me, probably because it’s just not central enough to the plot. If *this* was what we dug into, it would probably work really well. Unfortunately, we’re not here for that.

Cal also says shit like “What’s the problem here, team?” like he’s in middle management.

👎 The book is set somewhere between the two games and is purposefully vague, which *would* work if these characters *felt* like they'd spent years together instead of the author telling us they have. Relationship-wise, it feels like we're maybe a couple of months out from the game because the book wastes so much of its word count going back over events from the game… which happened years ago at this point! My guess is it was written with people who hadn't played the game in mind, which again just makes the pacing suffer. Plus, we’ve got five people who’ve lived together for years (they’re a family, a crew, they love each other like family, they will DIE FOR EACH OTHER!!!!!!), and yet all of them see their mission differently. Y’all have been at this for YEARS but it’s only now that you realise you’re not united?! This would work if we were closer in time to the original game… but years down the line?! And again, this is a GREAT concept! SO much to work with there… except we’ve got sexy purple lady and lizard lady in the way of what could’ve been an amazing character exploration of CHARACTERS WE KNOW AND LOVE. STICK ANOTHER PIN IN IT!

👎 The author struggles to integrate game mechanics into a n ovel. BD-1 will just randomly hand Cal stims because hey, I guess that’s what he does in the game????????? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 👎 The author hasn’t heard of show, don’t tell. Stop bloody telling me that Cal loves his family and show me – give me a scene where they sit down for a meal together. Give me a scene where Cal sits with Greez after he’s injured. ANYTHING that shows me rather than smashes me over the head with one of the 39 uses of the word family.

👎 Cere really randomly refers to Cal as her Padawan when he’s busy getting his arse handed to him by the Fifth Brother. Cal’s honest, he knows he didn’t beat Trilla because he was stronger than her, but this is YEARS later. Has he not gotten stronger in that time? SIGH. Also, Cal might be mentored by her but he’s not strictly speaking her Padawan? Okay, now I’m just nitpicking… 👎 WAIT, ONE MORE! Cal refers to Master Tapal as Master Jaro. That just irritated me.

How I’d Rewrite It

So, let’s take the pin out and examine the lack of character exploration (except for Merrin who we do get to have a good look at in a weird way). The main issue I have with this book is Fret and Irei get in the way of what could have been a really good character-building piece for the five characters we know and love from the game.

So, wanna know how I’d write it? Simplify and FOCUS:

The Mantis crew are infiltrating a Haxion Brood base because they’ve gotten their hands on a precious Jedi relic that the Empire are also after. While there, Cal and the others find the relic but are attacked by the Brood and the Empire. A defector (Fret) finds them and says the Empire is using the Fifth Brother to hunt for the Shroud’s schematics and its inventor (Irei), who’s in hiding. Fret gives them the name and location of the broker who will pay the crew for retrieving the Shroud and Irei – a man linked to the Rebellion known as Luthen Rael. He’ll also give them Irei’s location. While trying to escape, Fret gets shot and killed by the Brood or the Empire or WHATEVER and the crew feel somewhat obligated to carry on with her mission because the Shroud is a double-edged sword. Cere’s hopes of starting her great Jedi legacy have to be put on hold, Merrin’s still worried about her powers because she’s lost and doesn’t know if she’s getting the vengeance she seeks, Greez thinks finally Cal’s going to stop going for bigger and bigger gambles, Cal’s excited to be doing something really important, and BD-1 is happy to see a new world and meet new people. Also, there’s no breaking into anywhere without him, and they need to move fast.

Great, we’ve got our ticking clock – get the Shroud before the Fifth Brother!

However, because the crew’s been run ragged due to being hunted by the Brood for so long, they’re starting to make mistakes and Cal’s taking bigger and bigger risks with little pay out, so the crew goes into the mission at odds with each other. After BD hacks his way into the systems and locates Irei, Merrin gets her to safety. Cal and Greez get hurt when they go up against the Fifth Brother because Cere, convinced she needs to try and save him from the dark side because he too was once a Jedi like Trilla, tries to save him and it backfires horribly. They all manage to escape and get to the Mantis, fall out because they all want different things. They take the time needed to figure that out and reunite, take Irei to Luthen (they get out just in time when the Fifth Brother comes back again), Cal and Merrin fight him off together because Merrin’s got her powers back because she has a purpose again (working for the Rebellion) and off they go to the next adventure.

Your subplots are essentially the same:

Cal wants to stick it to the Empire and help as many people as he can, while keeping his family safe, however he needs to understand that doing this randomly is essentially pointless (which… okay, I have issues with this too but if I go off on that you’re never getting the next chapter of the Big Fic. I’m working with what I got, friends!!!)

BD-1 is just happy to go wherever Cal goes so long as he gets to scan new stuff and slice new systems!

Cere wants to build and protect the Jedi’s legacy by gathering everything she can of their history. She *is* tiring of the seemingly hopeless battle against the Empire and *wants* to put down roots, and she *needs* to be honest with Cal about this (who, once he got over his “you can’t leave me, Cere!” initial reaction would be absolutely fine with this??? HEY, WORKING WITH WHAT I’VE GOT!)

Merrin wants to regain her powers, and she needs to come to terms with the terrible trauma she experienced, but she can do this not through what is ultimately a fling, but by being honest with Cal, Cere, Greez and BD and working through it with her family. You tie it into the plot by having them working for the Rebellion, which means Merrin finally feels a purpose because it’s through the rebels she sees that she’s not the only one who suffered great loss and, like them, she can do something about it. And hey, maybe she hooks up with Irei in a much subtler and less SEXUAL HEAAAAAAAAAAAALING way because she wants to.

Greez wants to stick with his family, but he needs to be honest with Cal and say if they’re going to keep doing this whole kicking it to the Brood and the Empire, they’ve got to be smarter about it.

Basically, by cutting out all the OC bullshit, you focus on the crew we all know and love from Fallen Order without some rando OC being there to FLY THE MANTIS. Get the FUCK out of there! If I didn’t think Fret was a self-insert before, her getting to fly the Mantis sealed it for me.

There is a GOOD CONCEPT buried in the depths of this book. It’s just, y’know, not to my taste.

Alright, I think that does it for now. PHEW! That feels better ^_^

#battle scars spoilers #the spice must flow

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that-ari-blogger · 4 months

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Writing Your Own Story, Together

Sense and Insensitivity is the single most terrifying episode in the Owl House. More than Hollow Mind, more than King's Tide, this episode is nightmare fuel. It's got all of the greatest hits, giant spiders, tight spaces, publishers. This episode should have been the Halloween episode.

But that is just me. If you don't get scared of these things, what is in this episode for you?

Well, this episode is about teamwork, it helps to nurture the friendship between King and Luz, and it shows that sisterly cooperation is possible between Eda and Lilith.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The main plot of Sense and Insensitivity is the collaboration on a book by King and Luz. It shows the differing opinions on what they want the story to be about, and it leads to argument.

And I'm going to get on my soap box for a second here, because something needs to be said. Opinions about what is a good story do not contradict each other. If someone ever tells you a story "must" or "can't" include a specific element, they are objectively wrong, because a story can be whatever you like. I have seen a level of argument online about people going after others who like or dislike certain story elements, and I find that ridiculous for one key reason: If you don't like a thing, you don't have to read a book or watch a series with it in. For example, I have hemophobia (fear of blood), but instead of complaining that everybody writes gory books and telling people not to, I find media without blood in it, and I watch or read that. It's a simple solution.

Anyway...

In the Owl House, this comes to a head when the two split paths to write their own stories, and my wording there is important. Because one of the main themes of the entire series is witing your own story. So, you would think that the split would be framed as a good thing, based off this, right?

But no, because this episode makes something clear about forging your own path. It doesn't mean that you have to travel everywhere alone.

That soapbox I mentioned earlier is important to understand, because people having different tastes is the whole point of humanity. We are a diverse species, physically, culturally, but also emotionally. If we all only liked the media I personally enjoy, the world would be stale. We need people with different tastes to make life interesting, but we also need them to guide us.

We need people who are different from us to help us along our journeys. Writing your own stories doesn't mean not taking inspiration. It means doing what you like, the way you like. You can certainly be inspired by others if you want.

But writing your own story doesn't mean you are right in every decision you make. Watch Doctor Who: The Giggle to see why that is a bad idea. Sometimes you need people to keep you back from danger, or you might fall prey to people and things that want to exploit you.

Enter Piniet.

Piniet's character design is funky, and I love it.

First up, there is the reptilian element. Reptiles have a reputation for being cold and emotionless, while this is a subject of debate (Dr. Gordon Burghardt is a co-author of a book titled The Secret Social Lives Of Reptiles which I highly recommend you check out), but the stereotype remains. When you think of a snake, you probably think of a trickster or a liar. When you think of a lizard, you probably think of the "lizard part of the brain", a concept of, once again, dubious accuracy. Psychology today has an article that discusses the concept.

The point I am making is that Piniet's appearance is evoking ideas of heartlessness. Using the stereotype, it is telling you that whatever this character says to King, none of it is genuine.

But there is another little element that I quite like. That third eye. A few reptiles and amphibians have a third eye in real life. It is located on the top of their head and is called a Parietal Eye. Science Direct has a collection of sources on the subject. But Piniet's eye is different from the real world. Because it appears functional, but he keeps it hidden. Piniet has more eyes in play than those he talks to, he can see from more angles, and be aware of things others are not.

There is also the references to a third eye in specific real world cultures and religions. And without getting too far into still living cultures about which I am far from an expert, this is generally related to extra insight or foresight. (Source)

Once again, this links to my reading of Piniet as a character who can read people like books, and if you combine that with the reptile thing, you get someone who is intellectually empathetic, but not emotionally. In other words, Piniet is a manipulator.

I'm not going to recount the plot beat for beat, but needless to say, it takes King and Luz being confined to the nightmare box to get some thinking done and actually work out their differences. And notably, to get out of it, they work together. Luz with the light spell and the plan, and King with that confidence and charisma that he has shown off in previous episodes. Teamwork. Forging their own path together.

It is also notable that the agent is only satisfied by the entrance of Nina Noseworthy, who in this shot litterally eclipses King. The agent is chasing the next big thing, without any care for the art itself. That's just a neat little detail.

Eda and Lilith also have that co-operation on display. And while their similarities have been shown already. When both feel powerful, they both act incredibly pompously. But here, we see a different side of Lilith.

When Eda and Lilith are stressed, they react in completely different ways. Eda laughs it off and gives a veneer of not caring, this isn't new, she's been doing this the entire series. But Lilith on the other hand, she gets scared. Lilith is a very different person to the sneering villain that she is shown to be elsewhere.

This is why I think the redemption later on works so well. They have already proven they can work together. But also, Lilith doesn't have to shift character to switch sides, she just has to drop the mask.

I will also mention that in the scene above, Eda, despite being a fugitive, is open and relaxed in body language, but Lilith is on edge and guarded. Lilith looks like she is hiding something from Eda and afraid her sister will find out. I wonder what that could be.

Final Thoughts

I despise this episode on a personal level. I don't think it's bad at all. This is about average for season one, if not slightly above. My feelings around this episode are entirely centred around that shrinking box and the little cube people, because they are more terrifying than anything Bellos can do.

In all seriousness, this episode has a simple premise, teamwork, that is executed well. The animation is cool, the character designs are awesome. The humour is decent. This is a good Owl House episode.

Next week is Christmas, and I'll be taking a look at wild magic itself, as discussed in Adventures In The Elements, so stick around if that interests you.

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#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #character analysis #what's so special about...?#toh #the owl house luz #the owl post #the owl house lilith #the owl house king #owl house #toh luz #toh lilith #toh king #i cant be the only one who thought the shrinking box was terrifying

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koifishart · 1 month

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I want to be Your Koi Fish

Warning: +18 content, criminal underworld, intercourse, strong language - and so on

Fanfiction based on: "Baki" by Itagaki Keisuke

>2<

>>2<<

Father was very surprised when she told him what Hanayama had given her. It turned out that by accepting the "gift", she incorporated him into the ranks of the yakuza. He almost jumped out of his skin, when she admitted that not only did she not kill his new boss, but she slept with him and spend the time until dawn! It was not difficult to guess that with her reputation and "failed jump", the triad would be watching them. So they both had to be on guard. Within a week, father was supposed to be in the quarters. No protests or excuses for science - he dragged her with him. He just ordered to take off her uniform jacket. No one needed to know which school she was attending, so she walked into his office for the first time, wearing a white short-sleeved shirt, a bottle green straight mini skirt, knees-long socks and brown high heels. She tossed her hair over one shoulder so that it fell slightly on the light material. She was not going to lean out, just sit, listen, leave. Or she'd look at a few faces to know who to watch out for. She was to learn if she' need to replace her father. He hoped she wouldn't want to see her "would-be victims" anymore. He was sitting at the head of the table, again in a white jacket, purple shirt, pale tie, and crocodile leather boots. He greeted her father, then looked at her. She felt herself blushing.

- It's nice to see you again, Hanabi. - he said with smile.

- Same to you, Kaoru... - she muttered, and nervously wrapped a lock of hair around finger.

He looked surprisingly pleased with her presence. Unlike the tall, though nonetheless Hanayama, petite man sitting next to him. He looked at her uncertainly as if he was trying to read something from her. She wasn't going to give him any satisfaction.The conversations were not boring, but also not thrilling. She listened to them mapping routes to avoid any possible police patrols. The whole time she had the strange feeling that she's hearing something beyond talking. The sound stuck in her mind, she couldn't ignore it. She wondered frantically what it was and where it was coming from.

- Hanabi? - she barely heard his deep voice. - What's wrong?

Only when he spoke, everyone else fell silent. She could listen for a few seconds.

- From the time I entered this room, I hear the ticking. - she muttered, still listening to the sound. - There's no clock here, so that's not it ...

He nodded at his men, and they started looking around. One of them clearly supported the theory, looking in unlikely places. He peered under the table, pretending to tie his laces.

- Fuck ... - he froze. - There's a bomb under the table!

- Probably whoever put it on is still watching us ... act naturally. - she said softly.

She slipped under the counter and saw it immediately. Surprisingly poorly hidden, quite large. She moved closer on all fours. She sensed what they had filled it with. The timer was counting down the last five minutes, and she ... wondered if there was any point in disarming. That looked very amateurish, even childish. There was a catch somewhere. She took a rather wide bracelet off her wrist and unfastened a thin element resembling a flat screwdriver from its bottom. She unscrewed the screws, there was no resistance. She gently removed the cover. She was not wrong.

- Say what's this. - she heard father's order.

- TNT time bomb. Huge charge ... but I can't see the detonator, it won't go off by itself, even if time runs out. Besides, why assume such a crude and incomplete load? Only so that when the countdown is stopped, everyone will breathe and the right bomb will smash the building to pieces. - she explained hastily. - It has to be more specific somewhere. The problem is, if I move from under the table, they'll notice me. I'm sure they are watching.

She paused for a moment, seeing a thin flash near the contraption. She moved closer. Vein. Very thin, barely visible. Following the glistening thread, she reached the leg of the table and the hatch in the floor directly below HIM. So that's how they wanted it to be. It was his death that they cared most about, whoever they were. The rest could have gone very incomplete or wounded, but he was absolutely going to die. She reached into her shirt pocket, pulling out a tiny mirror folded in two. She unfolded it, observing the potential location of the enemy. The setting sun didn't help, but she noticed anyway.

- Last window next to the door, opposite building. Third floor from the top, corner window. - she gave exactly. - I see two of them.

She heard a rustle of footsteps. Kaoru's people were prompted to act. Shots were fired, while she cut the line neatly. The ticking stopped. She walked over to him, lifted the hatch, and looked at the other bomb. It seemed that removing this one element was enough. Involuntarily, she looked up and blushed. She concentrated so hard on removing the threat that she didn't notice where she was sitting. She found herself between his massive legs, he was staring at her through the rimless glasses. The situation seemed highly erotic to her, it captured her imagination. He was calm, was smiling slightly, resting his cheek on his hand on the armrest. The crack of breaking glass broke her out of her thoughts and embarrassment. Lots of debris fell beside her, she had to be careful not to hurt her legs. She hasn't even noticed someone stepping under the table, grabbing her in half, and forcibly pulling out without letting go of his grip. Judging from the fact that moments later it was made a living shield, she became a hostage.

- HANABI! - she heard her father's voice from across the room.

- So, Hanayama...will you sacrifice such pretty face, or maybe you'll finally give up ant get killed? - the opponent chuckled.

She didn't really like the vision. The guy felt very confident, Kaoru looked like he was going to give up ... just why? She couldn't let it happen because she didn't want his reputation to collapse. She had to think of something ... and at times like this one method worked best.

- I think you got it wrong, dude. - she grunted reproachfully.

- What? - the torturer was surprised.

- If I'm looking like a helpless child for you? - she asked rhetorically, and when he wanted to answer she snorted. - And don't interrupt me, bugger, because if I hit you, you'll wake up next week!

He looked like he was going to say something again, she took advantage of the moment of confusion. So simple and vulnerable! He involuntarily moved the knife away from her neck and loosened his grip a little at the waist. She took him skillfully by the wrist, knocking out the blade on the way, then wrapped herself next to it, then next to it, her neck between the sole and the heel. She was still holding his arm tightly so he wouldn't slip away. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the triad bosses. They watched in silent surprise.

- Oh, wait! Repeat! - she sighed slightly, then added firmly. - You'll not wake up anymore.

She pulled arm, a motion to push the raised leg forward. There was a dull crunch around the room. The dead body fell limp to the floor.

>>><<<

He hadn't seen anything like that before. Yes, he had seen women with strong spirit, who could force out many things ... but none of them had done anything so masculine as contract murder. He couldn't see her once they were in bed together, but the touch made him think. She had to be quite strong, despite the inconspicuous, frail stature. She hid a lot under the fatty tissue, typical for women, pleasant to the touch. Brave, agile, strong. Amazing. And high school student! He remembered his school adventures, while wondering if she had such problems too, due to her relationship with the criminal underworld. He hadn't lied a word that night - he liked her, even though he had only just met her. It was also the first time he had seen a small female body break a hard male neck with such ease. Jet-black hair, pale green eyes bouncing from under the drooping fringe, a rather upturned nose, stable build with broad hips ... Being a mafia boss had its advantages - it had plugs in many places, in all high schools in the city, it was enough to pull the appropriate strings, to find her. The information reached him a few days after the search began. A high school in one of the outskirts. Understandably ... she had to blend in. For some time he read every report about her carefully, and finally decided to observe for himself. Almost, because his right hand, Kizaki, being overprotective as usual, wouldn't allow another solo escapade. He knew what time classes would end that day. It struck 3:00 PM, and shortly after that she left in a bottle-green uniform, surrounded by a wreath of friends. She was smiling as she tossed her jacket off her back and pulled it over her shoulder.

- Boss...that's not my problem, but...why are you interested in that high school girl? - dark-haired man in a suit murmured from the side seat.

- Is that so weird, that a teenager is interested in a girl? - Hanayama asked.

Yes...he was 19, and looks much older. He took his father's place at the age of 15, and during this time he had a lot of experience. He lost a parent in a gang war and was being prepared for his duties, which he did not necessarily like. Horitatsu got a tattoo on his back, the one he had a lot of trouble with at school, but found it not what it should be. He fed him with the lives of those who had taken part of his family from him. He remembered the expressions of his people when they found him in the office of their enemy's boss - covered in blood and bruises, his back slashed in many places. Fools ... Only when he showed them an improved version of "Otokodachi" they did understand what he meant. It was incomplete until it was scarred with sacrifice. The Man gave his life to save the ancestor of the Hanayama family, so it was necessary to pay tribute to him with due honor. Later on, mother died.

It's amazing how much dedication and trust his people had for him. They didn't ask for reasons, they even tracked down where the girl lived! Truth was, he hoped that someday she'd tell by herself. He watched her leave through the gates and walk with the rest of friends toward the shopping complexes. She looked tired, could use a moment to rest. Probably that's why she was persuaded to go to a cafe. Parents divorced, she is in her last year of high school, exams under her belt, murders on commission, and she was indirectly incorporated into the ranks of the yakuza by "complete coincidence". Living in this system was not easy, she probably needed a little stepping stone to normalcy. Therefore he insisted on graduating from school. He wanted to feel, for a moment, that he was ordinary in some way. Maybe not really, because there were things and situations for which he could not help due to the safety of others. Well ... why was he so interested in her? Maybe because it won't hurt any more? She has been in this world for a long time. He glanced in their direction. It was stronger than him! They chatted, completely unresponsive to their surroundings. He gave Kizaki a silent sign, that they were going inside. He obviously wasn't pleased, but an order is an order. They didn't notice the nearly two-meter tall guy sitting a few tables away. He listened to their conversations. Not very elegant, but he wanted to know more. A few minutes later a tall, well-built boy from a nearby school approached them. His face showed how he was desperately gathering the confidence and all the masculinity he had managed to grow in, probably, less than 18 years. He turned directly to her, propping up the counter nonchalantly, which Hanayama swallowed involuntarily.

- Hi there! I was wondering...Do you have a time for cinema this sturday, beauty? - he asked casually.

Friends giggled, looking at him happily. Apparently they liked it. She looked less amused.

- Yes, I have time...but also I have person who I like. No way. - she replied firmly.

So there was someone...why he didn't know? None of the reports mentioned she was in relationship. She led a rather monotonous life - school, work, home, extra-curricular activities ... and little else. So where is this "someone"? Maybe they saw each other at school, but that's probably not enough. He shot that it probably wouldn't be - for him. If you like someone, you'd like to spend every free moment with him. Or maybe it's just a bluff to let him off? The boy walked away like he was not proud, and the girls sitting around her immediately caught the topic.

- Hanabi-chan, you didn't say a word! - one squeaked. - Shame on you!

- There was nothing about... - she murmured.

- NOT? Tell us, who is it! - the second grunted. - Do we know him?

- Um...I don't think so...I can tell you, that he's not much older and sooo handsome. - she sighed sluggishly, propping her head on her hand, and a slight smile appeared on her face. - In fact, I don't think that he know about my feelings. And let it stay that way.

- Platonic love?! Hanabi! - another moaned. - How dare you?! Since the guy exists, you MUST tell him!

- NOT! Even though I shouldn't.

- Married?! - the last one became interested. - Say "YES!"

- Um... - the brunette was confused, scratching her cheek. - Kind of...

She was interested in someone who was already in a relationship. A tough topic. He sighed, wondering what to do with that information. Ultimately, he stated that he would not continue to rummage in personal matters without her knowledge. He finished his iced tea and they left for the car waiting for them.

>>><<<

For several days she had felt watched. She didn't like the feeling, and she knew that those who ordered Hanayama's murder might want to take revenge. She had to be careful. The people following her knew how to hide, they knew their job. She tried to find them by all means so that it would not be seen that she was looking, but none of it. Everything calmed down, she thought that was "big BOOM", but nothing happened. Another school day was passing, just like any other. Oh, lessons, breaks, friends ... For lunch she went outside the building to breathe fresh air. He didn't bother her, he didn't ask for anything, even the phone was silent. No assignments ... oh yeah, she muted notifications during the lesson. As well, the box could burst at the seams. She sighed, packing the empty box into her backpack. invisible dust when three adolescents came up to her. She knew them by sight. They usually hung around with the one who had accosted her recently in the cafe. She urged him that there was "someone". He was, but she didn't want to get involved in his affairs. It would probably be like a fifth wheel on a wagon. They didn't seem friendly, even though they seemed to be trying to appear to be.

- How's going, sweety? - ask one of them, coming closer.

- Our buddy was telling, how you turned him down. - added a second. - Poor thing...

- I offended his male pride that he sent friends? - she snorted, amused.

- Do you know who he is? These guys aren't denied, you should be on your knees begging for forgiveness, bitch! - the last one growled. - He's a yakuza member!

- I'm on my way... - she sighed, rolling her eyes theatrically.

- You little...

He was almost pulling the knife out, she could see the handle sticking out of his pocket, but he paused, staring over her head. All three froze, stunned. She turned slowly, lifting her chin. She did not expect. She would never have thought he would come, especially at a time like this. Behind her stood as tall as a mountain, a broad-shouldered man in a white suit, purple shirt, and a bright tie around his neck. A light breeze blew dark, short strands. He was looking at the three appendages from under the rimless slides, completely calm. As usual.

- Kaoru?

- Any problems? - he asked in that low voice of his, placing his hand on her shoulder.

- N...nothing, Hanayama-san! - they shouted together - Of course NOTHING! Sorry for the trouble!

By the time she woke up from consternation, they were gone. She pulled back a little so she could look directly at him. She didn't know where to start. Maybe from personal culture?

- Thanks... - she murmured hesitantly. - How did you find me? Oh, wait...don't answer. You have people in all schools. Finding me was a piece of cake.

- Actually, no. - he replied with a slight smile.

- So why you went to the trouble? - she continued.

- I wanted to thank you for saving my life and...talk face to face.

In fact, she actually saved him from the explosion. They heard the bell that started the class. She had little time, but the room was also nearby. She risked a question.

- Urgent matter, or will you wait two hours? I still have lessons.

- No problem. - he replied. - Run, you're late.

- You'll probably find me later? - she laughed heartily and ran back into the building.

Teenagers from a parallel class bowed to her waist with horror in their eyes as she passed them. She didn't know what they'd gotten up to, and she didn't know if seeing her with Hanayama made her hiccup. She didn't have much to say, it happened. She passed them, proudly raising her head, without glaring. At least she wouldn't bury his image.

Fortunately, the last lessons are always lighter, even relaxing. She didn't have to focus too much. Her thoughts were focused on meeting Kaoru. She was very curious what the boss of the mafia shaking Japan might really want from her. There was no real reason she could think of. They all seemed petty, improbable, or not suited to him. The strike of 3:00 p.m. made her heart beat faster. Amazing ... she never got stressed. Maybe at the beginning, with the first orders, but that was a long time ago! And now all she had to do was talk to one of the strongest people in the area, a guy who knocks down enemies with his eyes, crushes necks with one finger, smashes skulls with his fist, and smashes buildings with his whole body. Take it easy, she had survived one night in his company! Exactly ... she remembered every detail. Everything he did with her body, which she allowed herself to do naturally and with great pleasure. Her heart skipped a beat, she could almost hear a tapping on her ribs.

- Hanabi! EARTH TO HANABI!- She heard the voice of one of her friends in front of her. - How thoughtful you! Are you coming home with us?

- What? Y ... no, no ... - she muttered, then laughed slightly. - Today I have transport!

She glanced towards the gate. He was already waiting. As soon as she approached, the door of a black, elegant car swung open. She took a deep breath taking the backpack off her shoulder and got in, and as soon as she closed the door, the driver set off with a screech of tires. She was sitting next to him. He was watching her, through those damn glasses again.

- Business or private matter? - she asked bluntly.

- You don't like wasting your time, do you? - he snapped in response. - Private matter.

- So you intend to drive the rest of the day around the city for that?

- I was going to ask if you want something.

He didn't get hit and tried to push her into the trap, at least she had that impression for a moment. A little test of intelligence or another test of character. Her eyes narrowed slightly. If he wanted to play, she wasn't going to take that game away from him. She crawled up his lap, muttering to herself, wondering. He put his arm around her. She placed her small hands on massive shoulders, leaning even closer, staring straight into his brown eyes. He didn't even blink when she almost placed her lips on his.

- Strawberry shortcake. - she whispered.

- Hm?

- You asked me, if I want something. The answer is: strawberry shortcake! - she laughed merrily.

The conversation was interrupted by the phone in her pocket. She answered, still straddling his legs. She hadn't thought about it at all.

- Dad? - she was surprised.

- I saw your friends while driving home, I was surprised that you are not with them. - she heard in the receiver. - Another assignment?

- No,

#fanfiction #hanayama kaoru #fanfic #oc x canon #baki the grappler #kaoru hanayama #baki hanayama #baki fanfic #adult fanfiction #+18 content #yakuza

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volatilechemicalz · 6 months

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ok I'm feeling silly enough to post this so here you go [most of it is based on personal experience] my essay type thing about the American school system that probably sucks but oh well

Posters are hung around schools. Images of people holding hands around the Earth. "Be yourself, there's only one of you!" "People care." "Be kind." "Speak up for yourself." Smiling faces. Empathy. Everywhere, plastered around the hallways for everyone to see, though they go unread. This baffles me, that the school has the audacity to hang up such kinds of posters in an environment like this.

In English class, there are books that you have to read. If you don't like it, that's too bad, write an essay. It's due tomorrow, five paragraphs, another one next week. Triggering topics are often discussed and displayed in this literature, and there are no warnings. The other students are joking about the events, laughing in the corner that they're congregated in. They're laughing, why aren't you? Don't cry, it's funny, as long as you don't pay attention to it. Don't think about it. That's not the point of this class. Here, regurgitate this plot point and extend it as possible. You won't get a good grade otherwise. You forgot an indent? Points off. Oh, your hands hurt from writing? Keep going! Unless you want to fail.

In History, we are fed propaganda constantly. America is the best country, right? Yes we did that thing but don't worry about it, look at this. We have the best government system, and very good leaders. Life is good in America. Don't worry about when you graduate. It's your job to fix this mess. Current history is not told. The same story is told over and over again with slightly more detail and different wording, all to drill it into your head that you're lucky to be here. You wouldn't know that though. Why would they lie? School is here to teach you after all. They just teach what they want to. Current history? Don't worry about it. The struggles of others that are happening now don't matter, learn about the civil war again.

In Science there is a constant bombardment of work. It's difficult to complete when everyone in the classroom seems to be doing great with it, since they have time to yell at their friends at a headache inducing volume. It doesn't matter if you get one, though, do your work. If it hurts that bad go to the nurse, get an ice pack and pretend it helps. Five minutes are left in class. Clutching your head, you can't hear when the teacher asks if you're okay over the continued screaming. Another day, someone mocks transgender people in a presentation about the water cycle. Everyone laughs. Why aren't you laughing? It's funny, right? Someone yells for the freedom of Palestine with passion, while someone yells back a no with equal volume and zero passion. (Did they even believe that?...) Don't say anything. Nobody else did. Take your notes, don't say anything.

In Math, you are expected to understand everything. The first explanation wasn't enough? Good luck on your test, do this worksheet. If you don't finish it's homework, and you know you won't finish it then. You have other things to do? Too bad, you're asking to fail this class if you don't want to do it. You're just too lazy. I'll have to call your parents if this keeps up. Maybe if you payed attention more you'd understand. Look, everyone else gets it, why don't you? Do these questions. I know you don't know how to do it, but I can't help you. You aren't allowed to guess.

Lunch is the loudest time of day. The food looks wrong and tastes bad, but it always does. If you don't like it, too bad, pack your own lunch. It doesn't matter if you can't do that. If you can't afford the food, too bad. We can pretend to care about that, but that's as far as it goes. We're doing a food drive this week to help people who are going hungry though, why don't you donate? Wear this color shirt to help fight world hunger, or breast cancer, support animals in need. Why aren't you dressed up? Don't you care?

Walking in the halls is a nightmare. People are constantly bumping against you. Not a single sorry is uttered, not even if they make you fall. If you do that, everyone will point and laugh. Nobody will help you, fix it yourself. People still care, though. There are too many conversations happening at once. People are called gay or autistic as a substitute for stupid, though that's not what those mean. That doesn't matter. Nobody said anything. Don't say anything. If someone is lazy or unathletic they are fat, and that's bad and funny. It's not wrong. Don't say anything. Be yourself, though, everyone matters. Hold hands. Smile.

A sigh of relief is released on the bus. It doesn't matter how long the drive is, you have friends to keep you company. What's that? You don't? Stare into space until your stop comes into view. Don't miss it. The bus driver won't turn around for you. You have to wait now. The bus is like the hallways, but worse. There are little safety measures and it smells weird. Everyone is right next to you no matter where you sit. Nothing is sanitized and there is garbage on the floor. Don't worry about it. It's not that long. If you don't like it, you can walk or get picked up. It's likely that your parents don't have time for that.

I enter the school again and look up at the posters, dragging my heavy backpack with me.

I hate writing essays.

#noodle talks #art #writing #drabbles #anyway im gonna go play muse dash lol

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nerdylittleguy · 1 year

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OCTONAUTS AND STAR TREK AU

okay so before i go crazy and completely into what now consumes my life (transformers) i would like to show anyone who's out there something i mentioned - my octonauts and star trek crossover! it's basically a story where the crew of the octopod are actually star fleet officers who get stranded, due to some unknown stellar phenomenon, in the gamma quadrant, and very similarly to voyager, they have to make their own way back - it's a much shorter route, but they also end up running into the dominion, have lots of first contacts etc etc. i didn't think up much of the story part - yet?, only some of the beginning, perhaps up to being stranded in the gamma quadrant.

however, i did make some designs for characters etc using picrews! i couldn't be asked to draw much in those days. the maker is https://picrew.me/image_maker/608028 btw :)

i will write more ideas i have about the characters later in this post :)

first, barnacles!

kwazii!

peso: now, i had two designs - my first one ended up looking like a vulcan, but i wanted him to be a human character, so i redesigned it. then i realised that i hadn't designed any non-human characters, and started thinking about which characters could be vulcans, klingons etc, but then transformers snuck up on me... i think.

shellington:

dashi:

tweak: (not particularly fond of this design)

and inkling! he also got two designs.

huh. looks like he was an ex borg at some point... ugh, i do not remember :(

and here are my octonauts style drawings of them :)

but no matter how i reshuffled the crew, i'd always be one man short or in the wrong place! i couldn't have the vegimals running the security department??? they'd probably set the whole ship on fire!

enter my OC, Lotus! head of security :) she's very tired, her job is very demanding, especially when you're stuck in the gamma quadrant, but she loves the crew. my favourite animal is a fennec fox, so she's based off of those!

and now, for a little bit of context! what was going through my head??

there's a page from my diary/ notebook, detailing some of my ideas if you can read my handwriting... the idea was that their ship would still be called 'the explorer', formally, but is known to its crew as the octopod due to the large domes on the saucer section of the ship. as a matter of fact, i'd always plan to say this was the second octopod - the first looked like the iconic one from the series and was a mobile base for scouting aquatic worlds. both were designed by tweak.

and now, a transcript of that page! if you can understand my writing, i'm glad, i struggle to read it sometimes!

the USS Explorer is a vessel designed specifically for exploration and firsts contact situations. nicknamed the Octopod for the additional domes on the saucer section, it was designed by tweak.

the domes (pods) of the USS explorer are; 1 airponics bay (note: as in, what kes had in voyager. basically a garden), 1 extra science lab/ observatory, 2 advanced sensor arrays, 2 extra weapon emplacements, 1 reinforced conference room, 1 reinforced 'bar' area (10 forward) (note: like the one from picard's enterprise)

still from that page:

who the octonauts characters are in the star trek universe:

barnacles - basically picard, a model captain

kwazii - very similar to tom paris. after he and his grandfather adventured around a bit, he joined SF (note: my abbreviation for star fleet) and is well-known as a pilot

peso - always wanted to help people and see new things, so SF was an obvious choice.

tweak - always outdoorsy/ adventurous and had a love for inventing; wanted to explore and work with machines at the same time and loved the idea of joining SF. served with B(arnacles) when they were both ensigns on their first assignments

dashi - loved different communication methods as a child, from sign languages to images to verbal languages. at school, her teachers mentioned she might enjoy she might enjoy working in SF with communications. though it was difficult, dashi stuck with it and became an expert, sent into unknown territories to assist with first contact situations

shellington - always loved exploring and learning about different creatures, phenomenons etc. as he'd consumed much of terran knowledge, he decided to expand his knowledge and join SF

inkling - bit mysterious (note; translation, i had no idea what to do!). he joined SF possibly out of boredom, but is now committed to exploration and helping people.

vegimals - some eggs were discovered by shellington on and unexplored planet in an incubator. shellington, believing them to be normal eggs, hatched them. imagine his shock at them being flora/ fauna hybrids...

end of transcript.

now, i did have many more ideas, but i only remember them vaguely, and this is just about all i wrote down! there is another part of my notebook where i write a start to the story, where the octopod sets out to the gamma quadrant from ds9 - it seems sisko and barnacles used to be friends at SF academy :)

hey, if you like this idea, take it and run! write something, fill in the gaps, go crazy! credit me if you want, but i'm not particularly fussed. and if you've read to here, whether you wanna do something with these little ideas or not, hoped you enjoyed the read :))

live long an prosper!

#octonauts #star trek #captain barnacles #kwazii #peso #tweak #dashi #shellington #inkling #vegimals #octonauts fanart #octonauts au #star trek au

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rainbowmurderhorse · 1 year

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Do you mind explaining why this hasn't been posted yet? (At least as far as I've seen, my phone keeps glitching when I scroll too far on peoples accounts).

If you say you have a handful of Naga OC's, do they have names? Are they all based off different types of snakes? Which one is your favorite if you have one? (Bonus questions: Do you have any lore with them, or world at which they come from?) HAVE A SUPER DUPER DAY, FRIENDO!~

hello there! Thank you very much for the ask!! Plz forgive me though this might get a lil long! As for the answer to the first question the simplest answer is that I'm a mix of scared,embarrassed, a lot of low motivation levels and my mental health being quite bad as of late but I'm gonna be trying to change that this year and post more even if it's just something small like writing some lore tidbits about my OCs or if I'm feeling brave and I like a picture or two I make I'll post it!

Putting this under a read more cause it did get long!

Now onto the next question which is Yes! They do! 5 of them have names one of them sadly do not and only three of them are based off of real life snakes in a sense.

Mike is my oldest one (I.E. I made him when I was much younger) and while I need to heavily revamp or retire him he was based off a small green snake that I once saw in a picture.

Sakura and Alto meanwhile are somewhat newer and based of an albino snake that I also once saw in a picture this one wore cute lil hats if I remember correctly. Alto is pure white with red eyes Sakura on the other hand has pink eyes and splotches/markings on his tail (I need to draw my snakes more often tbh but I do have this for reference for Sakura)

The other three aren't really based on anything i iust went with what colors i thought I'd like the unnamed one's scales are red,Basil's scales are blue(they used to have red diamonds on the back but I need to redesign him a bit so idk if I'm gonna keep that or not)and for Kota I still need to come up with his color scheme.

For question Three I do love all my OCs don't get me wrong but sometimes I hyperfixate on two or three depending on my mood but if I had to Pick a favorite It'd probably be Basil as he's been the most used to RPs with my friends. He's followed Closely though by Sakura and Alto. I need to find more time to work on the other three.

As for Lore here's what I got for my boys (I'll try to keep it to a short version):

Basil: He lives by himself deep within the jungle and he works as a healer for all who need his help and can use magic (he can give himself legs if he needs too as an example). He tries his best to live a quiet and peaceful life but sometimes he does get dragged into things Depending on the universe he's in. He's an oc I that can fit into many different AUs. Basil can also be a little bit of a grump but he's really kind and you're close enough with him he'll gladly let you rest in his coils and he'll try to keep you as warm as he can.

Sakura: He is the butler/Right hand of Demon Lord/King Luna and takes care of his Master's home and affairs while his master is busy with other things. The two live in a town that mostly populated by monsters n the like and it's Luna's job to protect the town. Sakura was hired by Luna and he's been happily serving him for years, He's usually a cheerful and sweet guy who does his best to be friendly and welcoming to all their guests but he does have a hidden dark side that Luna is slightly intimidated by when it comes out as Luna is more used to the chill side of Sakura.

Alto: The Demon King of Medicine and Alchemy as a man(or well Naga) of Science he lives in a somewhat dis/gaea-esce world (aka the Netherworld or demon land) and is one of the many kings in this world. He is one of the most peaceful kings and due to him being a neutral party his kingdom is one of the largest and safest to be in because the last time someone tried to start a war with him all of the offending Kingdom's crops mysterious died and the water supply was poisoned to the point that if you stuck your finger in it you'd be dead in the next hour. That was all of Alto's doing and he threatened that he can and would do much worse than that if the war efforts persisted, needless to say all the Kings and Queens agreed that day to never go to war with his kingdom again. But don't worry he helped the offending get back on it's feet and returned the water back to normal.most of his followers and subjects are students of Alchemy,Medicine,Magic,etc and he is usually welcoming of beings of all shapes and sizes ranging from demons to humans and even angels as well.

The most surprising thing about Alto is also one of the most Ironic things about him he's incredibly shy especially around new people and is almost always internally freaking out(think Tam/aki from M/y He/ro or Sto/rk from Sto/rm Haw/ks((who I slightly based him off of)) ) People don't know this about him though unless they're incredibly close to Alto as there are very few people that work with daily with him and even fewer kings n queens who know what the true Alto is like as he almost always has a resting bitch face to put it bluntly and his glare tends to come off rather intense because of it(once he's in a safe, more relaxed environment or around his three closest friends he smiles more and he actually acts and looks quite soft). He does listen to his subjects though and does his best to fix any major problems that crop up and if his schedule isn't swamped he'll teach some classes at the local colleges plus much to his citizens surprise he's rather patient and kind when teaching.

Kota: is a captured specimen and was being experimented on by an evil corporation and that's sadly I have for him

Mike and the Unnamed Naga oc sadly don't have a sold story either but they will one day.

Sorry this got so long but thank you reading this if you did I deeply appreciate it!! And I hope that you have a super awesome day too!!!~^^

#Rainbow Unicorn's menagerie of OCs #The tired Unicorn answers #Sakura the Naga #Basil the Naga #Alto The Demon King of Medicine and Alchemy #Rain talks about their OCs #Kota the Naga

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creatureshrieks · 2 months

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Okay so here's some basics about how I'm gonna handle Adriana because her lore is so, so ass.

Her father is from Japan and immigrated to Brazil where he met her mother, keeping that. He's a mangaka, as per the lore states. Adriana was spoiled by her father and grew up idolizing him. They were incredibly close, though the family's poor status and lack of money + the hopes of her parents turned her into a very intense perfectionist. They wanted a better life for her and, in turn, she wanted a better life for them. So she tries hard for them, too. Gets into a prestigious school and heavily focuses on science, math, computers and robotics. She even joins a programming and robotics club. Adriana is decently popular in school, she's pretty and smart. She's charismatic and good at getting people to listen to her. Then, of course, due to the expenses for the school, her family gets poorer, his manga fails. Adriana puts her skills to use and designs a website, gets ads coming in. Convinces people to write the website for her while she takes in the cash. It helps, a little, but her father is still reclusive. Something is wrong with him, off. But Adriana just thinks it's the money troubles. Not that he's been getting terrible visions, whispers. Not that he's drawing what she asks for.

and then he vanishes without a trace, destroying all of his work, save for the manga dedicated to the Skull Merchant. And that shakes Adriana up. She adored her father and all she has left of him is a final, incomplete manuscript. There must be a reason this one was saved, that THIS is what he left her with. So she pours herself over it, trying to find what about it was so important and special. And then she gets dreams, too. About the comic. About her father. She thinks this is the secret her father had (The Entity visits her too, feed into her issues of abandonment and her own delusions). She still ends up falling behind that boy in her school, stalking him and trying to find out weaknesses, but I'm not... having her just do nothing in the end. She does attack him at some point. She doesn't kill him, but she wants to hurt him. He didn't deserve that first spot and she needs him to know that. She's better than him and she deserved it. I do believe the Entity had a hand in her becoming the legitimate Skull Merchant, preying on her abandonment while also boosting the blood lust she already had in her. I'm also saying that Tome: Ascension doesn't exist because that's ungodly fucking stupid. She's a self-made billionaire woman that literally hunts people because she thinks it's fun. The Tome reads stupid, sounds stupid, and is just overall not enjoyable. I know the vibes they wanted from SM and it just does not read through at ALL. Adriana also likes anime and video games. That's basically canon and I'm keeping it. She does it in her spare time - but she also is very much a business woman too. Very rich, very powerful, and definitely would dip into lots of black market deals outside of just plain murder. She likes to hunt people, she likes the power it gives her. She's egotistical, violent, spiteful. She's a massive perfectionist, but she also reads manga and watches anime and k-dramas and all kinds of things. Putting her age and PROBABLY 25 because it mentions in her lore Adriana started killing in her early 20s and it only lasted a few years. She's not that old. At the oldest I could picture 27.

also this is her default/canon outfit for me because her default is fucking stupid and if she's basing herself off her father's manga, I think he'd probably design something more akin to this. So this is what she wears.

Adriana is also incredibly smart and speaks multiple languages. At home she spoke Japanese and Portuguese, but she also eventually learned English and Korean as she prefers to understand/handle business herself without need for a translator if she can help it.

#all that glitters is not silver (ooc)

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kaoarika · 11 months

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I have been rereading Orange for the sake of completion, now that I was able to get vol 6 and 7, the "Mirai" sequel series (?).

It's been a while since I originally read the manga and watched the anime (wow, latter half of the 2010s? 2015? 2016?), and I still think it's a cute series with an interesting premise based on time and space and parallel worlds and the like, just to save a dear friend of the main cast, who is in a depression spiral due to the death of his mother.

As always, it's not a flawless series and I agree that stuff like the science behind time travel shouldn't have been 100% explained (because it sometimes crumbs over itself), but it's one of those things that make you think, I guess. In fact, re-reading the series I had this feeling of "man, I wish I could re-read the manga again for the first time all over again so I can be mindblown by the "time travelling" thing element of the letters.

I never really understood why the series was discontinued from Betsuma (Shueisha) and moved onto Monthly Action (Futabasha), but I'm 100% I wouldn't be laughing it off as Takano did on the afterwords segment of volume one, I think? I do remember that the series had a couple of hiatus during its brief tenure on Betsuma, so there's probably more behind the scenes stuff we do not know than throwing a "I had a romantic relationship with one of the editors at Futabasha, so..." line. I also like the covers of the Shueisha edition, but I'm not really excited to find out how expensive they might get on the 2nd hand market due to the popularity of the series, lol. I just think they are neat (and iirc, they had a similar graphic design work like those for Ikuemi Ryo's Principal series, also first released around the same time?).

I like all the characters, but somehow I wished it did more for Hagita, Takako, and Azusa. Sure, things here and there show how these characters are (and Takano is obvious how much love she had for Hagita and the whole Hagita and Azusa dynamics on her twitter account(s)), but they tend to get overshadowed by Naho, Kakeru... and sometimes even Suwa (and their love triangle, ngl), who are more "main" characters than the whole group of friends. I mean, both vol 6 and 7 are more on the POVs of both Suwa (original future setting) and Kakeru (new/parallel future setting?), so make that as you will.

I love Suwa... and I always felt a little iffy when reading stuff like "they did Suwa SO wrong" when I was always on the mind state that "it's not like the original Suwa hasn't been erased and he has his own happy marriage and happy family ending"... although there's still the baggage under what kind of circumstance he got THAT happy ending... as I have been finding out with vol 6 and the "Mirai" one shot. Oh, boy...

So... I do have a small grievance about "Mirai" as a whole, however. I understand that, narratively, using the classic "switch reveal" with the older group of friends using the exact same outfits as their original/pre-parallel world is kind of the point to reveal "oh, so these are 'our' charas and not the original future-setting ones"... but, I mean... this series already explores the whole setting idea of "we changed the future!" and somewhat I'm expecting the author to commit to the bit even in this new future setting?

Again, I haven't read vol 7 (which is Kakeru's POV after the original manga's ending), and I would understand that this is also a byproduct of a "dream" that Suwa and Naho had at the end of "Mirai" (this silly idea that sometimes dreams are like "alternate universes, parallel worlds" of our own), but... I dunno... make them use different outfits? maybe different hairstyles? to make a point this is a different future from the original one?

The one that kinda hurts related to this is that I also completely understand that Suwa and Naho had a child in the original timeline setting... so I find it a little... unfair? that Haru (Naho's and Kakeru's son) still somewhat looks similar to Naho's and Suwa's child? when you could have played a little on making "similar things, but still different" from their respective futures, like making Haru a little older or maybe younger than the other child (which we don't even have a name unless it was revealed on other materials)?

You can play with it to make both futures maybe similar in details (career choices might be understandable, although, the original Suwa gave up his dreams of becoming a professional football player after Kakeru's death) but different (smaller details about Suwa's married life and Kakeru's married life) at the same time, you know?

I dunno. I haven't thought that much about the series after a few years and this is what I write about it? Lol.

#kao's ramblings #orange (takano ichigo)

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ravysu · 3 years

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Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

#sannin week 2021 #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #sannin #naruto #naruto headcanons

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phoebe-delia · 3 years

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For your asks, my darling. I would love a fic based on song 41, which both Harry and Draco will be this year on their birthday.

Emma, love, thank you so much for this prompt. I have waited to answer this in order to post it on Harry's birthday, which is why there's been a delay, but I'm impulsive enough to post it a little early.

Song 41 is "Infinity" by One Direction. Listening to the part where the bass drops, especially while driving on the highway, is the biggest serotonin boost. 10/10 recommend.

Anyway, I tried to capture the feeling of the song in this fic. I was semi-inspired by the incredible "Running On Air" by @tinyhistory. Thank you to @nv-md for the very helpful beta. Enjoy!

Also if you wanna read a piece similar to this, check out this fic.

Sometimes I talk to Granger.

Well, allow me to rephrase. I don’t talk to her, as much as she sort of talks at me whilst I try to process her extensive knowledge. Was she always like this? Actually, don’t answer that.

Anyway, Granger has been rather helpful. One of the facts I was able to absorb from her ranting was that, according to Muggle science, energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can change forms, can be converted and shaped into something other than what it once was, but it is constant.

It’s similar to magic. Magic cannot be created, nor destroyed. It is, after all, a form of energy. You can destroy magical objects--you know that better than perhaps anyone--but the magic within cannot cease to exist.

For example, I know you were in Diagon Alley sometime before you left. You sat at that bench outside Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes and you probably cast a cushioning charm. The people who go and sit on that bench and cast their own spells have no idea that they’re sitting on the last known traces of the Boy Who Lived’s magic in all of London. That spell you cast five years ago still lingers.

The point is, magic can be purposeless, and yet it has the audacity to remain.

I imagine you can relate, assuming you’ve decided to continue your own existence.

I sincerely hope you are; existing, that is. Others have given up hope. I’ve read every theory printed in the Prophet. Some say you’re off living as a Muggle, and some believe you’re still here and walking around under your Invisibility Cloak. Others have presumed you to be dead. Granger and Weasley tell me you’d enjoy the way the media is largely ignoring you now, aside from publishing any random claim of having spotted you somewhere.

I used to think that you adored the attention of the press. But then again, I used to believe a lot of things; you convinced me I was wrong about nearly every one of them.

For example, I once thought I’d be an up-and-coming political figure; the youngest Wizengamot member in a century, heading several charitable organizations and waving off speculation of a campaign for Minister.

But now, I spend my days in my Junior Auror office, which is blessedly empty since no one wanted to work with the former Death Eater. Solitude suits me just fine, a sentiment which, I would wager, you share. Funny, how we are connected by a tolerance, or even enjoyment, of isolation.

As part of my social reparations of the war--combined with the usual hazing endured by all Aurors fresh from training--I am given nothing but unwanted cold cases. You see, when the Boy Who Lived Twice goes missing it’s the kind of story that feeds the symbiotic relationship between law enforcement and the press. But after a while, even the Golden Boy’s whereabouts are less interesting than the newest scandal or criminal operation, fresh chum to the circling sharks.

Still, you’ll never be irrelevant enough to be forgotten. That gaudy statue of you still stands in the middle of the Ministry atrium for all to see, your 17-year-old self immortalized in the very pose you had when you saved the world.

I wonder whether Robards thought he was torturing me by giving me your case; perhaps he decided it would be a proper punishment for me to spend my days looking at your scarred face in your file and coming up with ways to find you. If I succeeded, I’d be helping a former rival; if I failed, I’d be proving all their assumptions that I’m either nefarious or rich and lazy, take your pick.

I do things now, like talk to Granger and spend late nights hunched over my isolated desk and get excited about Muggle scientific theory because I refuse to believe that your case is cold--not when the warmth of your magic clings to a bench in Diagon.

Sometimes, when it’s been a particularly long and stressful day of searching for you, I go and sit on that bench, just to feel your magic, to remember that you exist. The Prophet headlines will fade; statues lose their shine.

But your magic cannot be created or destroyed, it simply is.

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry fanfic #drarry fanfiction #drarry ficlet #draco and harry #harry and draco #songfic #drarry squad #phoebedelia

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bi-kisses · 2 years

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I doubt you'll publish this (or you'll probably cut it again), since you publish only what supports your views and are not shy of manipulating information, but I still felt like clarifying a couple of things and answering your friends.

First of all, I didn't talk about my personal experiences, but the ones of people I knew. I really wish you were right and such things were just minor bad exceptions, "kink done wrong", but here we are.

"There are people who do bad things and call it "kink". You are saying that this makes ALL OF KINK BAD. You continually say that all of bdsm is used as an excuse for treatment of psychological problems, which again, I said "yeah that does happen and IS BAD and a LARGE PORTION of the kink community IS AGAINST THAT"

At first you were saying that this is "just some few bad exceptions and kink community already takes care of it". I wonder what has changed in a couple of days.

Also, adding my experience to your "shortcut"? Really? I guess it's good that more people will know about such stuff and probably someone will be spared of ending up in my situation. Although I think you should've stressed harder how not okay it is, right now it reads unclearly. I hope no one takes it as an instruction.

"Really Wonder what's anon's answer for people who gets off of someone's fear, vulnerabilities, pain or discomfort or by controlling their lives. "That's not good" is not really an answer. It's not like you can change it."

Yes, it's not like I or anyone can change them, but they totally can keep their urges to themselves and not hurt and violate others. All these talks on consent in kink very conveniently ignore coercion, emotional blackmailing ("I need this, if you love me you'll agree, it's not a big deal!" or "This is the only way I can have sex, you are basically raping me if you want something else" or "I'll leave you if you do not consent to this, so it's entirely your choice"), consent under duress. Also, that doesn't mean people should shut up and stop spreading information. The potential victims have the right to know what's going on under the abovementioned or "oh come on, it's just a cool normal thing, even Cosmo has articles on it, you just need to broaden your boundaries and you'll like it".

"As a bonus: Are you LGBT or otherwise an ally, anon? Because remember, LGBT people are killed in the streets for being “sexually deviant”. You would think we as a society would realize that demonizing people for sexual deviancy is bad now, but alas, we’re fucking stupid."

@shrimpmandan if your friend didn't cut off my first ask, you would know I'm a lesbian. Also, I'm from a country where not only the society is very homophobic, but also the government currently works against LGBT. So yeah, tell me about this lmao.

There's a difference between normalising being into people of your own sex and normalising stuff based on traumatic experiences and abuse which is used for more hurt and abuse.

Can't believe you are still sending me the same thing over and over and over and over

I think you are mistaking my wording of "it happens a lot" to meaning "not an exception to kink as a whole", which both can and do coexist.

You are still:

1) entirely ignoring the actual science causing people to act this way and enjoy kink

2) equating all kink with abusive behaviour

3) equating the enjoyment of kink with maladaptive trauma responses

4) pretending that kink is only a facade used for harm and not something that is safely enjoyed in the vast majority of practitioners

How does it read unclearly in my shortcut when I explicitly state something is bad? Is it because I said that kink isn't mental derangement and therefore I'm not being explicit in the way you want me to be?

I never EVER said people should "shut up and stop spreading information", I'm saying the exact opposite, where those experiences are important teaching tools for red flags and helping people out! I just also think those experiences aren't "anti kink" any more than teaching scuba diving safety is "anti diving".

I cut your asks because to be honest I've had near identical conversations over the past five years on this blog with equally unreasonable and overall blinded by bias individuals. I don't care about explaining every single bad experience anyone has ever had with anything doesn't somehow mean that thing is only ever bad and should be abolished. I shouldn't need to. But you're persistent and now the context of your multitude of asks is relevant, so here they are:

If you don't want your ask that you sent me on anon, forcing me to answer it publically if at all, to remain public through the other medium in which I respond to arguments, you're free to say so and I will remove it.

Perhaps DM me instead of repeating the same non arguments in lengthy posts I can't adequately summarize and are repetitive. I thought you'd get bored by now. I know I am.

#anonymous #kink discourse #long post #unending discourse

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luminous-studiess · 3 years

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Ummm so I'm new to tumblr so don't judge if I did something wrong.Ummm how can I be like you? Like you know? Productive and smart.I always push myself but ended up being distracted by things (I have adhd and depression).I can't even remember anything after.I suffer,and continue suffering, from my mental illnesses.I just can't keep myself on track.My family makes fun of me for trying.I'm actually trying to find a part time job here but nothing hires minors.Idk please help meee.

hi, friend! answer under the cut because this will be long.

please know you’re doing nothing wrong, and that the fact you keep trying to become better and to push yourself to always get things done despite difficult circumstances already shows that you ARE already productive and smart.

second, it also helped me when i was struggling very heavily last year to learn two things: 1) there will always be particularly bad days when you live with mental illness, but all the little efforts you take, it slowly does get less difficult. getting better does not mean completely getting rid of all the symptoms you experience, but mostly just learning the best ways and small, gentle things you can do for yourself to manage your condition. this really requires a gentle but firm balance between pushing yourself to do the things you absolutely need to do, but also knowing when what level of work/school/self-care or hobbies is the limit, so that you don’t get too overwhelmed. this means most of the time, you don’t have to worry about being productive for its own sake. it helps me when i feel like i’m drowning to know how little i can do/the most non-negotiable bare minimum, that still helps me not to fall behind.

^ this is a small, cheap pad of sticky notes i carry with me throughout my entire day. it’s only big enough so that i can only write a few school tasks/personal things i need to do/chores, which helps me evaluate what exactly i can only get done, especially on days where i don’t feel well. checking off absolutely everything on my tiny list makes me feel like i’ve accomplished a lot, because i i have-- they aren’t necessarily a lot of tasks, but they’re the ones that i know really do need to get done. it also helps me focus when i have a lot of nervous energy, and have a panicked sense of “so many things need to get done!!!?” because i can give myself a bit of time to sit down, maybe turn on an episode of a show i like or make some coffee, and write down my tasks. it really helps me with the faint, tiny guilt and dread i used to feel day by day that i was being unproductive or lazy, because now i know i’ve fulfilled all my obligations to myself (everything from doing laundry, to making dinner) and to other people (schoolwork and other tasks). it’s okay to move at the pace that’s only possible for you right now. it’s better to feel comfortable with the smallest things you can do, and build on that as the days come. 2) getting distracted is normal, given Everything Happening Right Now, plus with a mental health condition that makes it hard to focus. it can also be hard to remember things when i study, because of my own health conditions, but i’ve found that the following things have helped: regarding distraction - use a small system that keeps you from accessing any distractions when you need to get something done. i try to leave my non-essential device in another room, and set up a timer-based blocker, to limit the websites i access. - i try to acknowledge the distractions as they come, and try to figure out why: am i hungry? am i tired? have i gotten enough sleep? do i need a break? if it isn’t anything serious, i just acknowledge that i’ve gone briefly off-track-- without guilt, without judgment. then i try to turn my mind back to the task at hand. - a good ambient playlist can make me feel more focused during hard tasks in the sense that i have some form of stimulation to keep the “itchiness” at bay. video game soundtracks and film soundtracks are also wonderful for long, tricky tasks. - sometimes i just have to start to feel motivated-- the focus actually comes in in the middle of the task. the fact of starting something may actually make you feel motivated.

- procrastinate productively: sometimes when i really don’t want to study i turn on a movie or a show and use the time to clean my room or fold laundry. my life still feels put-together, and i enjoyed myself! win-win.

- and sometimes i realize that focus may be impossible at the moment: take a break, go for a run, do something you like, take a nap. regarding learning and remembering things i used to have the worst time recalling things for school, until i prioritized two things: SLEEP, and not cramming. i used to get extremely poor grades in my first year of law school because i would put off studying at the last and latest moment-- a few days before exams, pulling all-nighters right up until the hour the exam started. i would also just use my free time to scroll on social media, instead of taking a nap or going to bed early. this was absolutely wrong. during the exam, i couldn’t recall anything because i was too tired, too frazzled, probably didn’t have breakfast, and because i had started and finished half a semester of reading in one night. my grades have gotten much better lately-- i’d like to think it’s because i’ve centered it around two things: (a) getting enough sleep every single night (helpful ESPECIALLY if you have health problems-- mental or physical), and (b) making exam day the least stressful it can be. how do i do this? - this means not only learning things for the exam, but also for classes on a daily period. you don’t have to study particularly hard, but you just have to study enough that you can understand what the professor is saying in class. set definite study hours every day, stop at a very specific and reasonable hour, and go to bed. try to get at least 6 hours of sleep. sleep helps me absorb everything better (idk science but this is from experience and also some very smart people i know ALSO prioritize getting sleep). wake up at a reasonable hour. - how to study: read the syllabus, and try to get a decent overview of all the topics you need to cover before you start testing/making flashcards/doing active recall (which is IMPORTANT bc this helps you actually train your brain to retrieve information). imho as someone low-energy i find that rewriting notes/making reviewers/making flashcards makes me very tired and leaves very little time for actual studying, so it just helps to test myself by looking at the syllabus and trying to explain the concept to myself, then peeking at the textbook or materials to see what i’m missing. mind-maps are also energy-efficient ways of figuring out how concepts fit together. - how to study for exams: the very latest you should start is a week ahead. two weeks ahead is ideal. map out how much information you need to re-learn from the syllabus. move slowly with the aim of finishing the coverage by the first week. the second is for reviewing and RESTING. - THE NIGHT BEFORE THE EXAM: do a final, gentle survey over the topics you may not understand. stop at 10 pm. go to sleep. - EXAM DAY: you’ve done the work. take the time to eat breakfast, test yourself SLOWLY AND GENTLY (avoid reading huge chunks of textbook at this point-- youll only confuse yourself), and set up your workspace to take the exam. crush said exam. as a final note: it can be hard to get things done when the people closest to you aren’t supportive. try to reach out on studyblr and find discord study with me servers, or study communities on reddit (they’re actually really nice), or with students in your class. if you need to talk, just dm me. you can do this friend, okay? take care always. gentler days will come.

#mental health support #mental health tips #student mental health #uni tips #college tips #study tips #how to study with a mental illness 2.0 i think???#studyblr #asks

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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

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can we adress how toxic some of these self/harm and suicide fics are?? as someone who has struggled with these issues, treating them as just a way for the two characters to get together, or one character to be the savior who cures someone of their problems? I'm so frickin over it. continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention is a symptom of something major. This is not something i like seeing romanticized. at all.

[CONTENT WARNING FOR ENTIRE POST: heavy discussions of trauma, suicide, self harm, depression, political issue mentions, and eating disorders. Please proceed with care. I am not cutting the post because I think the message is important, so scroll past until my icon disappears <3 Stay safe, My Lovelies.]

Hey Nonny

Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you mention you DO have struggles with these issues, so I’m going to state right up front here and say I AM NOT DISREGARDING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AT ALL. Your view of this topic is valid, and it’s not something I am ever going to say is wrong for you.

I would like to offer an olive branch, here, Nonny, and give you an alternative take on this, because I’m concerned that perhaps you are still coping with your own struggles and in return, you unwittingly and unintentionally are coming off as unsympathetic to other people’s coping mechanisms.

I KNOW how hard it is to see another view when yours is the only one that seems right, especially after a tragedy or after dealing with heavy things. But all I am asking is for you to temporarily extend some empathy as I discuss my thoughts in this post, and I apologize in advance if I come off as dickish, because, again, it’s hard to see past your own feelings, and I tend to give a “firm but understanding” approach to asks like this. It’s NOT meant to call you our personally. Just asking for an open mind.

I will tackle this ask in a similar fashion to this post here, which talks about shipping vs fetishization so CW for that, as well as like this post here, where we discuss pet peeves. My assumption here is that Nonny is unsure about what “romanticizing” actually entails, and how much this ask is basically Gatekeeping Fiction 101, a thing that’s been going on since the beginning of storytelling. The ask is perceived by me to be emotionally unaware of how unsympathetic it actually sounds, and in turn can unintentionally upset people who engage in these stories.

First thing’s first, Nonny, and I said it before, I GET IT. I understand what you’re going for here, why you feel it’s toxic, and why you think it shouldn’t exist. Here’s the thing, though: what you’re ACTUALLY calling for here is censorship and gatekeeping because YOU PERSONALLY take issue with something, want the fandom specially curated just for you, because it PERSONALLY OFFENDS YOU. And that, it itself, is what’s really toxic, here. Just because YOU are offended, does not mean that it’s not helpful to SOMEONE ELSE, and it’s selfish to make such a demand of people.

Let me explain.

As I mention in the link above re: shipping, many people read and write fics to cope with the reality of their own experiences. Nonny, your experience is NOT the same as someone else’s. Your pain is NOT universal, and you DON’T KNOW what that author has been through; for all you know, they spent 6 months in-hospital after attempting suicide, and they are now simply processing their trauma through storytelling.

Or, “continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention” ? It’s a VERY REAL THING that ACTUALLY happens in real life, and perhaps it happened to that author, or they want to write an alternate ending to their pain.

Or, “one character to be the saviour who cures someone of their problems?” is something a suicide survivor WISHES someone did for them. Because they feel alone in the world and don’t want to be alone anymore.

These stories are simply escapism for people, either to learn about or share what these mental illnesses do to people, or are the “fantasies” of survivors, of their ideal outcome to their own tragedies. Coping with guilt over the loss of someone they feel they could have saved. The brutal truth about realty.

And sometimes, it is because some people need a good cry and a feel-good happy ending, because real life? Well, it rarely has those happy endings and so few opportunities to let us cry, and sometimes life is just easier when we view it through the eyes of fictional characters. Do you not want someone to save you sometimes Nonny? And I mean metaphorically here, too. Someone to just take all of your hellish burdens off those shoulders for one day. Someone who will come in to save you from yourself. I know I do.

And, well, sometimes, Nonny, it makes people feel less alone in this socially distanced world.

They’re not glorifying that issue Nonny. They’re telling their story.

Here are some thoughts:

Romanticization: Some trendy teen outlet selling a shirt with “mentally diseased” written across it.

NOT Romanticization: A character in a story coming to terms with a diagnosis of mental illness and learning ways to adapt. Their partner is involved 100% and they learn together.

Romanticization: Sherlock merchandise being sold with “I’m a high functioning sociopath” (not mention ableist as all heck)

NOT Romanticization: A character self-harms because of depression, and character B helps the character through their pain and together they get proper therapy and treatment.

Romanticization: Calling yourself “OMG I’m so bipolar!” because it’s trendy.

NOT Romanticization: A clinically depressed author, who survived a suicide attempt, wanting to tell their story through characters the world is already familiar with, and one that a touchy subject can be expressed and understood by other people, because they’re not ready to write the “real” book. Fandom is a safety net for them.

See what I mean Nonny? We don’t KNOW what kind of pain these authors have PERSONALLY been through, and to censor them from having their voices heard and their stories told is just not on for me.

And let me be clear: YES OF COURSE romanticization happens EVERYWHERE. I am not denying that. But your ask is coming off like EVERY STORY EVER WRITTEN is glorification of something. By your logic:

Disabled people shouldn’t write about their disabilities because they’re romanticising themselves.

The authors with medical degrees shouldn’t write realistic med-fics because some where in the world, ONE person MAY HAVE had a similar experience as Character A and B.

Someone broke their foot in ballet so they shouldn’t write a story about a ballet dancer who broke their hip because it may offend ONE ballerina SOMEWHERE in space and time who got sideline at the prime of their career?

Stories about LGBT+ people shouldn’t be written because homophobes think it’s icky.

We shouldn’t write about wizards because it offends high school catholic pastors (an actual thing that happened)?

How about cancer stories because kids die of cancer all the time?

Non-fiction autobiographies about holocaust survivors is not okay.

Science books offend flat earthers, so we shouldn’t write those.

Books about the Big Bang and a 4.5 billion-year-old earth offends creationists, so burn those.

A now-adult child rape victim writing their survival stories to help get their often-in-power abusers behind bars are taboo.

True crime stories from detectives on those cases shouldn’t be told because they weren’t the victim.

Non-fiction in general because someone somewhere may have had that one singular thing happen to them.

How about coping with grief over a parent’s sudden death because I personally might find offense in that since that was a horridly traumatic experience in my life?

Do you see how progressively out of touch this argument is? (the answer to all of these: authors should be allowed to write them, because stories make us human). Your argument leads down the very dangerous path to censorship of books, the internet, and history... to have people only read and learn what someone else dictates, leading to... well.

I’m not trying to be a dick here, Nonny, I’m really not. But I think you’re really missing the entire point of fiction and story telling. I feel you’re failing in the empathy game here, and failing to understand what romanticizing really actually is.

Whenever I get asks like this, I always feel like the Nonnies don’t really know much about pre-Ao3. I come from “early internet” fandom age, and I’m talking before tags existed. Back when I had to go buy a book at Coles and guess what was in it based on a cover description. No “amazon reviews”. No “harmful content warning” stickers. You just picked up that book, and sometimes you get a sweet story about a friends exploring an alien landscape, and other times WHOOOPS ACCIDENTAL ALIEN SEX I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR. And sometimes, it ended with a dark story about death, and the reality of coping with it.

Twenty years ago, books on the shelves at bookstores and libraries were the only place you could do your reading and they certainly do NOT have tags on them... Modern tagging of stories are a REALLY recent thing introduced probably no less than 15 years ago and was perfected by Ao3 (which was started in 2009).

These days, there is no excuse if you only consume fanfiction on Ao3. Fics are tagged with proper possible-trigger tags 90% of the time. They have a VERY METICULOUS filtering system. You aren’t being forced to read the fics, you don’t have to read the fics, so use those tag filters, they exist for a reason.

So, with that in mind, I genuinely DON’T GET this attitude about people wanting everything sugar coated and saccharine by default. Especially when you can LITERALLY CURATE YOUR OWN CONTENT. Life isn’t sugar coated. And fiction shouldn’t have to be either. People tag fics with triggers for a reason.

As they used to say back in my early internet days: Don’t like it? Don’t read it. Don’t comment, skip, next story.

And to put this ALL into perspective, so that you don’t think I’m talking out of my ass, I’m going to reveal something here: Do you know what fics I can’t read, Nonny, because they trigger me? Eating disorders. That’s self harm, Nonny, in a very different way. But you know what? I know that those fics DO help other ED people so I’m not going to sit her and tell people NOT to rec or write them. And some of those authors who write those stories are processing their own ED through those stories, healing in their own way. And you know what I do when I see one of those fics? I don’t read them, move on, next story.

I’m sorry if you perceive this as me being harsh with you here, Nonny, and you DON’T have to agree with me and you can block me and never talk to me again, and I’ll understand. As I stated at the beginning, I’m offering an alternative perspective, and helping you to see that some people take comfort in these types of stories.

I think what this all boils down to Nonny, after all of this, and rereading your question a final time to see if I missed covering anything, is that (and feel free to shit on me if I am wrong here) I’m getting the impression – as an unprofessional outsider looking in – that you’re still struggling with your inner demons, whether you realize it or not. The tone and brashness of your ask has me believing this... It feels like it was written after a trigger-moment and you needed to vent AT someone because you are alone, and that hurts my heart so much. I truly hope you find peace in your mind, soon, and I hope you have someone to talk to professionally, or at least a friend. (tw under link, suicidal ideation discussion and links to phone numbers that can help you). I only wish the best for you, my Nonny.

Anyway. I welcome other people to chime in here, respectfully, and let me know if I have the wrong take here. Because I genuinely don’t think I do, but I am not a professional, so my entire thing that took me 3 hours to write here is probably moot. I’m especially interested (on anon in my asks if you’re not comfy with revealing yourselves) on thoughts from other people who have survived the original topics here, as well as any therapists and authors as well.

Take care of yourself Nonny. And please curate your own content for your mental health. Ao3 has an “exclusionary tag system” as well, please use it. *hugs*

#steph replies #suicide cw #censorship #self harm cw #chatting with nonnies #Anonymous #eating disorders tw #depression cw #romanticization #my thoughts #i am not a professional #long post

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kris-p-banana-bread · 3 years

Text

Here DOAFP fandom, have some organic, locally-sourced, home-grown pain. This is basically just me, a scarred older sibling, projecting on Bobby, another scarred older sibling. I really reached into my post-loss psyche for this, so I hope you enjoy the headcanons and meta (AKA I hope you shed at least one tear).

It won’t let me link it here so the post that inspired this is under the read more at the bottom ✨

- When I first watched doafp, I couldn't understand Elena's aversion to Sam becoming a prominent figure in her mom's and her life. Now I understand it almost too perfectly. There was never supposed to be someone after Robert. He and Gabi were deeply in love and happy. Robert was it; he was the first and true love of Gabi's life. Sam showing up probably felt like a huge and utterly disrespectful slap in the face of Robert's memory, because he wasn't even supposed to be there. I don't know if that's as eloquent as I wish it was, or if it makes sense, and it probably sounds really mean to Sam, but it's not even really about him. It was always supposed to be Robert; Sam hasn’t earned the right to be apart of or associated with her family

- After Robert dies, Gabi and Bobby make it a habit to find and keep photos and recordings/videos of Robert, even if the latter only has him saying one sentence. They won't make Elena join them for the search, but after they find some of those old audios of Robert, they'll sometimes play them back for little Elena

- Bobby put up the keep out sign (I credit this to a few other blogs for discussing this tho) because that's where he would cry sometimes. He actually used to be pretty close with Elena, but after he put up that sign and started distancing himself from them a bit so they wouldn't see the times he cracked, he got a little more short and jaded with her. It's that, plus just growing into a teenager and stuff. And I'm not saying that he and Elena have a bad relationship, but he's become more snappy and has more walls up than he used to

- Sometimes Elena feels bad because she doesn't always remember her dad's voice. She was pretty young when he died, so even though she recalls it a bit, and the recordings help, it's been a while since she's talked to him in person, so of course she doesn't quite remember what it's like to actually talk to Robert and she's forgotten some of his mannerisms. She likes to think she's all done (she marked the stages down in her grief journal after all) but grief isn't linear or all that rational, so it hits her hard sometimes

- I keep reading as an action close to my heart because that's a strong bond me and my mom shared. She would rec books to me, and we would joke and talk about them, or she would hint to some future event and then refuse to tell me until I caught up to that part. So Elena and Bobby do something similar in their grief. Elena has writing and words, because that's something Robert loved if I remember correctly (but if I’m not and that’s not canon, then I now declare it so) and Bobby has tennis. But besides tennis (I sent a couple anons to @freshlybakedfandoms about it but I'm not sure where she went) Bobby also was taught to play guitar by Robert (I liken it to Devi Vishwakumar and her harp) so when he misses his dad or is just sad, he'll take out his dad's old acoustic and strum

- (This next one is something I also think a lot about so this is pretty much 98% projection) Bobby thinks sometimes about the fact that he was never able to come out to his dad. He hadn't really started growing into that part of himself yet, and he never got to show it to his father. He wonders what he would have thought of him. Would he be angry? Would he dismiss him and say it was just a phase? Bobby didn't think so, but a little part of him insisted that you could never be too sure. After he comes out, Gabi and Cami assure him that Robert would've been so proud of him and would've loved him regardless (Since we know virtually nothing about him, I maintain that Robert was one of those dads who teases their kid relentlessly about their crushes and I think he would've done that with Bobby and eventually Elena)

- When Elena's quince rolls around (if she chooses to have one of course), Sam dances with her during the father-daughter dance. A part of her still hurts, still aches and wishes that Robert were dancing with her too; still knows on some fundamental level that he and Gabi had planned for this day, but he had simply never made it. But she's known Sam long enough that she feels comfortable here. Nobody can replace Robert, but Sam is her family, and it feels right like this.

- I might do some more research and deliberate, but for the moment I'm saying that Robert had cancer, I’m thinking along the lines of colon. My mom was terminal, but idk if I should make Robert terminal? Maybe towards the end. Or maybe he was diagnosed as incurable early on but Gabi kept it from the kids because, tbh, being told your parent is balancing on that kind of edge is traumatic for them. So anyways, I’m going on that assumption for this last point, and I’ll see if I can recover some of my old knowledge and talk about technical stuff later if anybody would like to hear it

- Elena and Bobby were both pretty young. Bobby understood about PET scans and tests somewhat, and knew generally what different answers from doctors meant. Elena mainly just understood what was happening by reading her parents' and brother's expressions when getting lab results in from the doctor. They both remember on some level what it was like when Gabi would leave the kids with Cami and take Robert out to the car (later she would have to help him) and they would all feel like they were holding their breath until they got back and confirmed that everything was ok (and later, the little shocks of fear when the answers were no longer as positive and there was more apprehension and risks. After all, cancer doesn’t deal in absolutes)

- Bobby can still remember Robert when he had to stop walking around a lot. He still remembers the phone call that Cami got from his mom, saying that something had gone wrong, and if this last treatment didn’t work, he wouldn’t have much time before he passed. Still remembers Cami rushing into a room when she got that call, and trying to hide what was happening until Gabi could get home and explain it; but Bobby was a sharp kid believe it or not. He heard about the treatment, heard Cami crying. He still had hope... but when Robert came home in a gurney, when he could barely stay awake sometimes, when his voice was quiet and his skin was a little jaundiced, Bobby felt incredibly empty. But Robert always had a smile for his wife and his beautiful kids, even if it was small and very tired, his eyes still crinkled the same. He always had a smile; right up until they had to say goodnight and get some sleep one night. And then... he passed.

- After he passed, the Cañero-Reeds needed help, and a lot of Gabi’s coworkers would bring food or materials if they were running low. Cami and Danielle would babysit and would distract the kids when Gabi needed a good cry.

- Like you’d imagine, and because of what is sort of implied in canon and in my own head, the kids dealt with it in different ways. Bobby put up that sign, and withdrew. He wasn’t awful, but his patience with certain people got a bit shorter and he was a bit quieter. And he was a really good helper when he had the energy and he cared deeply, but he would sometimes get physically and emotionally exhausted after helping Gabi/Elena/Cami/anybody else with something and would go into his room or mentally tap out to recharge. He took comfort in things that seemed natural and that he sometimes took for granted before, like video games and skateboarding (hehe bobby skateboards. Anybody second me on this?) and clothes etc... and other stuff. A lot of materialistic things or experiences that he would skip out on before. But they bring normalcy back to his life now so he loves them for that.

- Bobby doesn’t wanna think about big themes or anything anymore, which I can’t remember but I think it was Vi (freshlybakedfandoms, again, idk where she is and I hope she’s ok) who said he was a math and science person and I think that as much as that could transfer over to those subjects as well, it’s much harder to avoid existential and emotional themes in English and History class and Bobby doesn’t like it as much as Elena does for that reason. He had to live with the back and forth of his dad’s treatments and tests, so math and science is comforting because it’s more concrete (There could be a million arguments for why he would distrust math and science because of his dad’s passing though, I realize) Ultimately, though, it reminds him of Robert too much.

- On the other hand, after a period of shock and confusion, Elena threw herself into new things. First it was a grief journal, to make sure she was going through the motions. Then she read a lot, and when she felt too alone or like she wasn’t doing enough, like she was stagnant, she’d just find something to focus and persevere on again. That feels like her personality type to me; something is wrong so let’s fix it right away. But that could also transfer sort of negatively into “Something feels off or I’m very sad, let’s get this thing done and be productive so we can put off having to confront that but at least we get work out of it” but I could be entirely wrong (this is based off some of my family members and how they dealt with the loss.) And Elena throws herself into history and english because her dad loved it, and she wants to remember more of him. Because she believes words have power and history is a lesson and that’s incredibly interesting for her

#bear talks #doafp #robert cañero reed #bobby cañero reed #gabi cañero reed #elena cañero reed #camila doafp #sam faber #fun times #sorry?#I can write a cute fluffy fic to make up for it #i cri #also sorry if I made these a bit too much about bobby #I just relate to him as the older sibling #I added some more so if it got out of hand I’m sorry #tell me and I can make it neater #my meticulousness might just make myself do that on my own tho

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that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick · 3 years

Text

Summary: Winry sat in the optimal place to study in the school cafe for the entire fall semester. Then spring came, and suddenly some self-entitled twit who dressed like off-brand Gerard Way decided it was his territory. He was so not going to get off easy.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.8k words of coffee shop/college AU with a side of enemies to almost-lovers

A/N: It's finals week, I posted this on Ao3 at almost 5am, and if the rest of the sentence didn't make it obvious, I'm writing from unfortunate experience. Not beta-ed or proofread, although I happened to see one thing to fix when I woke up this morning. Feel my raw power. Rawr.

It wasn't that big a deal.

It kind of really was, though.

Every Thursday morning during the fall semester, Winry sat in the same spot at the same school coffee shop. It was the spot sent by the entire patron pantheon of cram papers. Maybe one person didn't need an entire booth, but it was in the corner, and the tops of the bench seats had opaque plastic barriers that just so happened to be perfect for minimizing excess visual chaos. For the most part, there weren't loud conversations, and the jazz music that came through the speakers helped her tune out people ordering coffee. Add to that the fact that she could use campus flex dollars and not her own bank account that was begging for mercy, and it was the perfect spot to get papers done.

But apparently not this spring.

As soon as Winry walked in, she noticed him in the corner. Some emo wannabe guy on his computer. Probably on Reddit complaining about how women didn't appreciate the amazing pics he sent them on Tinder. Or at least, it was a fair guess based on the sour look on his face. Why did this guy of all people have to steal the holy grail spot? Ugh. She was still gonna get her coffee, darn it.

"You know the deal, Sciezska. Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer."

"On it! You paying in flex?"

"Yeah." She scanned her student ID and lowered her voice. "Who's off-brand Gerard Way in the corner?"

"Who's Ger—"

"The punk kid."

"Ohhh. I can try to get his number for you, if you want."

"No, he looks like a total tool! And not the kind I like dealing with!"

"Which means you think he's hot. I didn't think you were into that type, but you're not wrong."

"For the last time, no, Sciezska! He took my spot! And I'm trying very, very hard to keep this to a stage whisper, but if you keep trying to set me up with some random creep, I won't be able to!"

A distinctly male voice grumbled, "I'm not a creep."

"Keep telling that to the girls on Tinder. I'm sure they'll understand eventually."

"Yeah, and I'll bet if you look at your 'Live, Laugh, Love' sign a little more, you'll understand it eventually." He mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that, Mr. Nice Guy?"

"Lay off, it's eight in the morning. I said the only reason I even have a Tinder account is because my roommate stole my phone while I was going to the bathroom."

"Well, if you didn't want it, why didn't you delete it?"

"Eh, I figured if I really got sick of being single one day, it'd already be there."

"Never would have guessed you were single," Winry said dryly.

"Come on, it's way too early to be rubbing that kind of crap in. Who says I'm not fine with being single anyway?"

Sciezska timidly spoke up. "Medium roast with espresso and vanilla creamer?"

Winry thanked her as red jacket boy continued. "'Edward Elric, Bachelor.' Almost sounds as good as 'Edward Elric, Bachelor of Science.'"

"B.S. degree. Sounds about right."

"About time you stopped acting like I'm an idiot!"

Winry snorted. "That's not what I meant."

"Hey!"

"And with that, I'm going to go find some other spot to write my paper."

Edward, as his name apparently was, scoffed and mumbled something that sounded like "good riddance". Maybe the librarians wouldn't get on her case too much for bringing in coffee.

-----

A week later, Winry walked into the cafe, assuming the circumstances of the previous week were an anomaly. They were not.

"Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer," she grumbled and sulked in the direction of the corner seat.

"Hey, don't start with me again, blondie. I've had a whopping four hours of sleep and I can't promise you'll like what comes out of my mouth."

"We're at a coffee shop. Get some coffee. I can't help it if you're too hung over to be polite."

"Now look, genius. I did not stay up until 4 A.M. working on a stupid chem paper for that sadistic pyromaniac excuse for a professor just for some random chick to accuse me of being hung over."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And for your information, coffee doesn't really help me wake up. It just helps me focus on homework." He lifted up his empty cup and gave it a shake.

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard."

"ADHD is a weird thing, and yet, here I am."

"Huh, interesting."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pick up where I left off with the same stupid ten page paper I started last night."

"Oh right. Sure," Winry stammered. "Listen, I'm really sorry I just assumed things about you. It was wrong of me, and I'd like to make it up to you, if that's okay."

Edward eyed her suspiciously. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well...I could look over your paper once you're done writing it? I've got a paper of my own to write while I'm waiting, and I can sit right across the table here so you don't have to come get me. I won't try to talk to you or anything. Neither of us need that kind of distraction."

"Alright, alright. Get your coffee and sit down. The girl at the counter's been up there waiting for a good minute or two while you've been at confessional over here."

"Wait, she has?" Winry's eyes widened, and Edward laughed at her expense. He was kind of attractive when he wasn't scowling...wait what? She pouted and got up to retrieve her coffee. When Winry returned, she plopped down on the bench opposite Edward and opened her laptop. Peeking out from behind it, she added, "By the way, I'm Winry. I figured you ought to at least know the name of the person who's proofreading your paper."

"Well, Winry, you're the one who volunteered." The corners of his mouth twitched upward. The two worked on their assignments in silence, occasionally speaking up when necessary.

-----

Edward was in the corner again the next week as well.

"Hey, Edward! Mind if I join you for homework again?"

"Normally, I'd say no, but you didn't bother me too much last week, so you might as well." He turned away slightly.

"Great! Have you gotten your coffee yet? I didn't see a cup, and you got something the last two times."

"Eh, I haven't been here long. If you're going up and getting yours, would you mind ordering a caramel macchiato for me?" He asked, sliding his ID across the table.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be back in a sec."

She returned and slipped his ID back before pulling out her computer. "Do you have anything for me to look over this time?"

"Not this week. But if you have anything you need looked over, I can do that, too."

"Actually, I do, if you wouldn't mind."

"Winry, I just volunteered. Just send the paper to my school email. Mine's 'elricedwa'," he instructed as he proceeded to spell it.

"Medium roast and a caramel macchiato?" Sciezska called out.

"Coming!" Winry replied and turned to Edward. "I just sent it, so you should be able to start while I'm getting our stuff." Eyes glued to his laptop, Edward gave a thumbs up.

Once she returned with their drinks, Winry sat down and wordlessly set Edward's drink next to him.

"Thanks," he muttered distantly. His lips mirrored the words he was reading. Though his lips weren't plump by any stretch of the imagination, they were shapely. His steely concentration made the air leave Winry's lungs. To top it all off, the first rays of sunlight came through the window just right, hitting Edward's hair in a way that made it positively glow.

What was she thinking? Those were only the sorts of things people thought when they had a crush. She'd only had two positive interactions with him, including this one. ...well, maybe it was a crush. She could certainly do worse than someone with a questionable fashion sense. After all, he worked hard, and he got good grades, if the quality of his writing was any indication. Okay, fine. He was also drop dead gorgeous, if you could see past his clothing choices. Yeah, she had a crush.

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"...no."

"Figures. I finished reading your paper. It's not bad, I just left a few suggestions for sentence structure. Now I am going to enjoy my caramel macchiato." He took off the lid and breathed in the steam with his eyes closed, nearly drooping into the cup in content. When he opened his eyes slowly, Winry was awestruck by the similarity between the color of his eyes and his drink.

"What?" Edward furrowed his eyebrows.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. At all. Nope."

"Okay." He shrugged. She reopened the document and went through his suggested edits. Gnawing her lip in concentration, she leaned forward a bit to settle in and tackle the editing.

"...hey, uh, Winry?" Edward gulped. "Are you going to drink your coffee?"

"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks, Edward!" she smiled.

"No–no problem. And you can call me Ed, you know. Most people do. Except for that excuse for a professor that calls me pipsqueak. Can you believe he's my advisor? I mean, come on, I'm a grown man. I'm not that short."

Winry made a poor attempt at containing her laughter. "Okay then, Ed. Prove it. Stand up."

"Fine." He slid out of the booth and stood. Winry followed suit and appraised their respective heights.

"Well, I'd hardly call you tall, but you're at least taller than me by a few inches, for whatever that's worth."

Edward grinned as if he had won some sort of prize. "Time for shorties to sit down now!"

"Watch it now. You're not too far from that label yourself, mister."

They both returned to their positions in the booth and worked steadily for the next hour. At the end of that time, Winry closed her laptop. "Ed, are you okay? You seem distracted."

"ADHD. I'm always distracted," he dismissed.

"No, like, are you sick or something? You did get more than four hours of sleep this time, right?"

"No comment." Ed's mouth twitched. He mumbled barely loud enough to hear, "Wouldn't have mattered anyway."

"Are you sure? If you're not feeling well, I can drive you over to the health center."

"N-no. That's not it." He exhaled, then slid a napkin across the table. His hands trembled slightly. "Anyway, here's my number. In case you need me to look over a paper. Or whatever. I've got a class soon."

Winry blushed, but tucked the napkin in her laptop. "Thanks, Ed. See you next week?"

"Yeah. Next week."

-----

Winry: This goes with your major, right?

Edward: Blocked

#fma #fma fanfic #503 day #when i wrote it it was probably still 503 day somewhere #edwin #edward elric #winry rockbell #fma sciezska #fma sheska #my writing #my fic #coffee shop au #college au

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