#i'm very scared of being an adult and i don't want to fuck it up

[449l7618]

why does no one talk about the traumatazing experience of growing up in a homphobic country with not supportive parents and the pressure of wanting to move abroad

#and if they do where can i find it #while i appreciate that i have good chances of studying abroad i'm still like 18 and ver scared of college and the future #theoretically i know i shouldn't be but things dont work like that !! #bc sometimes i feel like if eveyone knew i was bi i would be treated differently #i remember when i came out to my teacher ( she was so supportive too shout out to her !!) she told me that my personal feelings are nobody #buissness (or sexuality) but i feel like i'm lying to people sometimes #and i know i shouldn't bcuz it's survival #in the end #i'm very scared of being an adult and i don't want to fuck it up #i probably will fuck some things up #but i still want to move abroad #i can't believe my childhood is over #am i supposted to tag this with rant ? #rant i guess #bisexual #you know what my sexuality is nobodys buissness #all they should care about are how well i study #homophobia

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again? #(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do) #BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am? #also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism? #it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that. #all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

[cozy-changeling]

*gritting my teeth and trying not to lose interest in someone just because he said he was scared of reptiles*

#I know ppl can have different interests but I've only really got like 2 and a half interests #Plus it wasn't even my 6ft bci that scared him it was my tegu #Like the boa I kind of get because she's very big and heavy but he's not even a full grown tegu #Also he was trying to be nice about it but also I'm not being brave when I feed my pets #And I don't even know if he likes me in that way and if he actually sees me as my gender #Because he somehow managed to be a bisexual adult without ever hearing the word transgender #And idk if I want to risk that kinda emotional fuck up on someone who's scared of lizards

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Merry Christmas

Christmas 2023 (Krampus x GN!Reader)

Chains and Whips

CW: Non-con, dub-con, bondage, anal, sadism, monster fucking, mild brat training, bratty reader, pain play, breaking and entering

"So... He's, like, a demon?" (Reader) took another sip of their cocoa while giving their friend a half jokingly judgemental look, squinting their eyes over their oversized mug. For the holidays (Reader) found themselves with nowhere to go, and ended up traveling with their best friend to her hometown. It was a tiny little place, cute, and very strange. (Reader) had, of course, heard about Krampus before but only because of B-rated horror movies, so seeing an entire village of people hanging up pictures of him alongside Santa Claus was a culture shock, to say the least. Stranger than the abundant Krampus merch was the fact that everyone spoke of it with respect, as though the creature was real, a respect not given to Santa.

"Well, no, kinda, but no." Johanna flicked her wrist as she spoke, eyes glazed and unfocused in the warmth of the heated living room. "Krampus is older than Saint Nicholas and Christianity."

It was difficult to stay awake, all bundled up under a mountain of blankets while the TV quietly played a movie in the background. Snow was falling outside, while children played in the setting sun, laughing outside Johanna's window.

"So, does he kidnap naughty children?"

"No, he beats them with a stick." She tiredly waved her hand in a whipping motion to illustrate her point, as though (Reader) didn't know what she meant by "beating".

"That sounds horrifying." (Reader) smiled, chuckling. Their eyelids were beginning to glue themselves shut.

"Yeah. During Krampusnacht boys like to dress up as him and try to scare people. I used to be terrified of him." Johanna rolled over and propped herself up, resting her head on her hand while sprawling out further on the warm couch across (Reader) on the adjacent lounge. "Thank God I was such a good kid!" She said cheekily.

(Reader's) grin grew. "Should I be in trouble then?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm naughty." (Reader) joked, wiggling their shoulders comically.

The young woman sat up. Her face had flipped instantly from silly to frustrated, swapping from a sleepy gaze for furrowed brows. "That's not funny, (Reader)."

Shocked by Johanna's sudden seriousness, (Reader) sat up as well, doubling down on the joke. "Should probably lock your door tonight, to keep me safe."

"Stop!" She whined, looking genuinely nervous.

"What?" (Reader) leaned forward, amused by their friend's reaction. "Are you really scared?"

"Yes!"

"Scared he's going to come punish me?"

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Krampus is real."

(Reader) wanted to push their friend a little further. This was the first time they had ever seen Johanna act in such a way. Johanna was a fearless woman, a badass who was a regular ole adrenaline junkie; the kind of person to jump out a plane without hesitation. And here she was, losing her patience over a mythological creature.

The dramatic young adult launched themselves off the couch and towards a window, swaying their hips theatrically. They threw open the window as far as it could go, cupping their mouth to amplify their voice out into the neighborhood, moaning;

"Oh no! I hope some big, hairy, Krampus doesn't come and punish me for being such a naughty little whore!"

"(Reader)!"

"Please, don't come punish me for being such a tight little cum slut!" (Reader) laughed as Johanna grabbed their arm, now giggling as well, albeit more out of nerves than honest joy.

"(Reader), please! I'm serious!" Johanna closed the window, forgetting to lock it as she was too busy looking over her shoulder at her ridiculous friend. "I swear to God, if I have to wake up in the middle of the night to save your life..!"

(Reader) wasn't done being obnoxious, shaking their ass as they pretended to run away in fear. "Oh no! Don't let him spank me! Oh noooo!"

Johanna grabbed a throw pillow and chucked it at (Reader's) head hard enough to make them lose their balance. "You would get fucking wrecked by Krampus."

"Yeah, my ass-"

"Wouldn't even last a second. You would lose a fight against a marshmallow, you aren't going to go up against an ancient being worshipped for centuries."

After falling back onto the couch (Reader) had chosen for their sleeping spot, they rolled their eyes, dropping the act. (Reader) wasn't actually a naughty person. Not only were they not "naughty" in the innocent definition of the word, being the kind of person to return other shoppers' carts they refused to put away themselves, but in the dirty sense they weren't particularly "naughty" either. (Reader) wasn't a virgin, just suffering from a dry spell. "Goodnight, Jojo."

"Goodnight! I set my alarm for five.'

"Ew!"

"I'll see you in the morning!"

"Nooooooo....."

Johanna left (Reader) for her childhood bedroom, leaving (Reader) in the dark living room, not entirely alone.

.........................

(Reader) wasn't asleep for long when the room became too unbearably cold, causing pins and needles in their legs that forced them to stand up. The time on their phone informed (Reader) that it was only one in the morning. They bundled up in the blanket Johanna provided and slipped into the kitchen to make a cup of decaf tea.

'Why's it so cold?' (Reader) shivered violently as they waited for the water to warm up enough for their drink. It was so warm before (Reader) passed out, that if the Christmas lights on the tree weren't still on they would have thought that there was a power outage. The water loudly began to sizzle in the electric kettle, making (Reader) panic, turning it off. They would have felt like shit if they accidentally woke up Johanna. Her grandparents were out of town, opting to go on a cruise during the holidays instead of hanging around in the cold to visit family, which (Reader) respected. They deserved to enjoy their retirement. Although they had never met, the older couple offered (Reader) their room, which (Reader) politely declined. Although (Reader) said that it was to respect their privacy, it was actually because (Reader) just didn't feel comfortable sleeping in someone else's bed.

The mug began to smell like tea instead of hot water as the bag steeped. (Reader) drank quickly, eager to warm up and get back to sleep. They peaked over at the clock on the oven.

1:00

It had taken almost ten minutes to make one cup of tea, but the time was still one am.

(Reader) felt a shiver crawl down their spine.

Before they could wrap their mind around the time, a rough hand with long, sharp nails, clasped over (Reader's) mouth, dragging them off the chair. The mug went flying, shattering against the tile flooring, along with the wooden chair tipping over and loudly clattering.

Despite the struggle and muffled screams, Johanna did not come down to (Reader's) rescue.

The lights that had been strung up on the tree were tied around (Reader's) arms, securing their hands behind their back. (Reader) fell unceremoniously to their knees.

Above them stood a giant shape in the dark. A tattered red cloak, chains and hooks, black fur..

Hooves sunk into the carpet of the living room. Black fur covered the majority of it's exposed body, and the skin that wasn't hairy was a dark grey with black discoloration. Large horns rose from his skull like a crown. His long, almost human face held a twisted smirk, split open just enough to show off his rows of sharp teeth. Within his primate sockets were goat like eyes, yellow and glowing in the dark.

Despite the heat of the bulbs pressed against (Reader's) arms, the terrified person felt colder than before.

Krampus.

He bent down, gently pressing his clawed thumb into (Reader's) mouth, rubbing his bitter tasting finger across their tongue as (Reader) sat shell shocked.

'He's real.'

(Reader) felt as he played with the wet insides of their mouth, only breaking out of their trance when his nail poked the sensitive wall of their inner cheek.

A surprised cry echoed throughout the house, earning a hand grabbing a fistful of (Reader's) hair, yanking their head back warningly. (Reader) bit down on the disgusting tasting hand as harshly as they could, but it only resulted in an amused chuckle. The creature's laugh was deep, rumbling like thunder in his chest.

He released (Reader) and effortlessly pulled his thumb out from their teeth. One of the many chains with hooks was uncoiled from the demon's shoulder and thrown to his cloven feet.

"Hey, wait-!" (Reader) protested as they were lift up and placed on their feet with only one hand. Their pajama bottoms were pulled down around their ankles, taking their underpants with them. "Stop!"

The hook Krampus had prepared was picked back up, the stench of his body becoming overwhelming as he engulfed (Reader) in his arms, jangling the chain behind their back as he prepared something.

"I don't know what you are, but I swear to God, I'm going to start screaming rape if you don't stop! The neighbors will call the cops!" (Reader) didn't know what they were saying, the adrenaline spike forcing out tough sounding sentences that made no sense, given the fact that this wasn't a normal human home invader.

Another rumble rolled throughout his rib cage as something cold violated (Reader's) ass. (Reader) involuntarily screamed as the hook was lodged into their anus.

They tried to fall to the floor, allowing their legs to turn to jelly, but Krampus tugged on the chain above them, forcing them up onto their toes. Their hands were still tied behind their back, so their balance was depended entirely on the chain.

Krampus seemed pleased, looking down at the teary little human.

(Reader) was not on the naughty list.

They had always been a good person, mindful of others and always attempting to do what was right. So when they opened the window that night, releasing their scent and calling out to Krampus, he knew what they were really implying.

A long, pink cock slick and shiny in the multicolor glow of (Reader's) bindings emerged from the black mass of fur between his animalistic legs. It was thin, but it continued emerging, revealing itself to almost be the length of his thigh.

He grabbed (Reader's) hair again, forcefully pushing their upper half down, bending them at their waist. They couldn't fall because of the chain still holding (Reader) up. The hand on (Reader's) head shoved their face down to his crotch, slipping his slimy cock between their lips as they begged him to stop. Like a sword, the long penis went down their throat, rubbing against their uvula, and poking into their stomach. Vomit rose and threatened to choke (Reader), coughing it up around his thin cock that smelled like his fingers.

(Reader) tried to straighten their back to pull his dick out of their body, but the Krampus yanked up on the hook while laughing, causing (Reader) to fall forward back onto his dick as their feet lost contact with the ground.

The chain was given some slack, placing (Reader) back onto their toes. They were able to pull off his dick long enough to release the bile onto his thighs. It was still in their mouth, but at it's thin tip, allowing (Reader) the chance to breathe. Then he pulled up again, ramming (Reader) onto him like some kind of pulley operated sex toy.

(Reader) felt their muscles burn as their face was mercilessly fucked by the monster, bobbing their head up and down his shaft by the chain still attached to (Reader's) ass.

Krampus dropped the heavy metal chain to grab (Reader's) head, slapping his heavy balls against their chin as his fucking became more erratic, smashing their nose into his thick fur as his chuckles turned to deep moans and pants. Then, (Reader's) face was held against his pelvis tightly as painfully hot fluid shot straight into their stomach.

He pulled out slowly, still twitching with little pumps of cum as he slid the cock out of their throat and over their tongue.

(Reader) left their mouth open, feeling the smelly fluid drip off their tongue and onto the floor, hoping they would vomit up the rest of his jizz they were forced to drink. The appearance of (Reader) with sticky white drool still connected in a long string to the tip of his hard cock, along with the pathetic little sniffles they made as tears dribbled down their cheeks, excited Krampus more, encouraging him to continue.

Still coughing up the suffocating muck, (Reader) was hoisted into the air, this time not by the hook that had fallen out of their rear, but but the Christmas lights around their midsection.

Suspended above the ground, (Reader) frantically kicked their legs. Krampus held the back of the bindings of their arms with one clawed fist, exposing themselves to him. A foot made contact with his knee in the struggle, but Krampus didn't flinch, completely unfazed by (Reader's) strength.

"No more! Fucking stop!" (Reader) squealed in desperation. They knew he could see how aroused they had become from this angle. (Reader) couldn't see his face, but knew he was smirking at them like the bastard he was. They didn't want to, but their body couldn't help it. It felt good to be fucked.

It had been a long time since (Reader) had had sex, but even longer since they had been fucked.

His still wet member pried open (Reader's) clenched hole. It wasn't painful, with how thin it was, but it kept going in, deeper, and deeper. It hit the point where a large human cock would have stopped, but the monster didn't seem to care for (Reader's) discomfort, forcing himself all the way in. (Reader) didn't even know how they fit all that dick inside of them. But the moment they felt his hot hips grind against their ass, their eyes fluttered.

Unable to touch the ground, (Reader) was held up by the Krampus' left hand and his erection. The lights dug into their ribs painfully, scraping against them as Krampus used the decoration as a harness. His thrusts were fast and hard, just like when he was raping (Reader's) mouth. He went deeper into their slutty hole than anyone ever had before, forcibly giving (Reader) unwanted pleasure.

"H- Help!" (Reader) shakily whined as they fought against how good his slimy inhuman dick felt as he pounded them from behind. Each snap of his hips hit their nerves better than any man had before. The building tightness was eroding (Reader's) will to fight.

'This isn't morally wrong.. right?'

'It's like a dream.. no one judges you for who you fuck in a dream you can't control..'

Their stomach contracted as their orgasm built, threatening to release. But just as (Reader) was about to finish, Krampus ceased his movements, holding them unbearably still against him.

(Reader) involuntarily whined. The climax slowly dissolved, losing the momentum. "Please let me go.."

Something hard painfully slapped their ass, cracking loudly like a riding crop. (Reader) cried out before they could bite their lip, earning another chuckle from the goat man as he continued dicking them down from behind.

Just as (Reader) tried to hush the sounds of enjoyment singing out from their own mouth, another slap from the wood stung their rippling ass cheek as Krampus buried his cock into them.

The rising orgasm built faster this time, causing (Reader) to shake as though they were helping rock themselves onto Krampus' long dick. Their thighs quivered and their breaths became ragged. Each thrust was alternated with a stinging whack to (Reader's) behind. And each time that wood contacted sharply against their skin, (Reader) was brought closer to the edge.

But again, he stopped, only keeping himself in as (Reader) lost their orgasm. They moaned angrily.

It seemed obvious that (Reader) was enjoying this, so why did he keep stopping?? Embarrassment filled (Reader) up and spilled out as tears and a cock hungry sob. "Please.." (Reader) squeezed their eyes shut in shame. "Please finish up.."

"Be more specific." A frighteningly deep voice rumbled from behind (Reader). "What do you want me to do, naughty little whore?"

Precum leaked down (Reader's) legs. "Please let me cum.."

The switch smacked them harder. "What was that?"

"Please let me cum!" (Reader) felt themselves tightening around his dick as they raised their voice. "Please fuck me stupid! I want to cum!"

Another harsh slap earned a gasp from (Reader), urging them to continue begging.

"Please fuck me!"

He laughed quietly while pulling (Reader) up so they could see his face. His dick was still buried deep inside of them as he gazed down at them with predatory eyes. "What a good little slut.."

His lips smashed against (Reader's) forcing his tongue into their kiss as he resumed his assault on their tired, raw genitals. (Reader) returned the kiss just as desperately as Krampus gave it. Their kissing made (Reader) light headed as his ramming cock fucked them past the point of no return.

(Reader) came loudly at the same time as Krampus shot another round into their greedy fuck hole. Even after his seed spilled out he continued pumping, slapping his wet hips up against (Reader's) as he rode out his second orgasm. He kept his cock nestled deep inside (Reader) as they passed out, falling asleep in his arms as he weakly continued rubbing himself against their twitching walls.

(Reader) woke up in the morning on the couch, their clothes on and bundled up in a warm blanket. Johanna was awake, making coffee. Their face burned, wondering what they could have eaten the night before to make them dream about something so dirty, and so vividly.

"You awake yet?"

(Reader) quickly sat up, sore, presumably from sleeping on a couch. "Yeah, I'm getting up."

They stood, but almost immediately felt their knees buckle as cum poured out of them into their pants so quickly (Reader) thought they pissed themselves. (Reader) squawked, pulling open their bottoms to find their underwear missing, and the insides of their pants painted with someone else's fluids, still leaking out of their swollen hole.

"Haha, what was that?" (Reader) quickly pulled up their pants as their friend entered the living room with the mug (Reader) broke the night before.

"Nothing."

"You sure? You look kinda feverish.."

"I'm good!"

"I was just thinking about how to get on the naughty list again next year~"

#merry christmas #yandere #yandere monster #monster fuckers #christmas 2023 #krampus #Krampus x reader #gn reader #cw noncon #cw dubcon #brat reader #mild brat taming #yandere monster x reader #happy holidays #yandere x reader #christmas

[thelovelyruin]

𝖋𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖙.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 : choso x fem reader

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖚𝖓 : he’s your ex, and he’s having a hard time moving on from you.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖔𝖔𝖓: smut, angst, porn with plot, vaginal sex, oral sex, praise, love, fluff, teasing, fingering (TOXIC CHOSO SHEESH)

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖙 : 4K

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗 : inspired by lyrics from fruit by abra.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘 : hello, lovelies, thank you so much for reading! one of my favorites. i hope you enjoy it; if so, follow me for more. au revoir!

18+ MDNI ADULT CONTENT

Tell me what you did last night.

“I don’t think so, at least not with some guy like that.”

“Believe what you want. She fucked him; couple sources tell me so.”

“The fuck are you, TMZ?”

Choso knew you didn’t, at least you wouldn’t, maybe; you’d been walking around with him, putting distance between you guys so as not to raise suspicion. But Choso knew you, probably better than anyone else. Deep down, he’d convinced himself you were still his, noticing how you’d keep eye contact with him or at the very least leave him on read, and when he asked you why you don’t just block him, you’d give him a smirk as you walked off, and damn, he loved to see you go.

Did you close your eyes and think about me like I think about you?

Choso was in love with you still, falling asleep to the thought of you. He missed your smell, your touch, your, well, you know. He knew he was a fuckin’ asshole though, saying some really rude things to you, terrible at times. But, he never thought you’d break up with him. Especially when you were a total bitch right back. Every fucked up thing Choso said, you’d follow up with some egregious shit, always looking for a low blow. Like that time you insulted him for not being able to get it up since you’d been arguing all day, which in turn, he fucked the shit out of you, getting you to shut up. For ten minutes. You’d had enough when he accused you of fucking with some guy you met at a party, conveniently the same guy you were talking to now. Which made him really fucking mad. It was one thing if you’d fucked the guy after the two of you broke up, or in Choso’s head, you were on a break, but the idea of you fucking him while you were together? That had him fuming.

Tell me why you always fight. Waiting on you to get with it; what's with the resistance, baby?

Choso wasn’t the aggressive type; as much as you’d argue, it really came from insecurity. He knew you were pretty, hot even, catching the attention of damn near every guy who walked by you. When you were together, he’d grip your ass to tell them to fuck off, but now that you guys split, they’d start approaching you, and you’d have to tell them off, reminiscent of when you’d yell at him like that. You shouldn’t have to do that, and maybe if he’d acted right, he’d be able to protect you still. When he got particularly tired of that guy talking to you, he walked up to the punch bowl. He interjected, like a shark swimming through the sea of party go-ers, pushing any motherfucker who got in his way. He’d cleared the distance fast, immediately bringing his arm around your waist.

“Sorry, buddy. She’s taken.”

You pushed Choso’s hand off, not even looking him in the face, instead pointing your attention back to the dude in front of you.

“No, I'm not. Now why don’t you fuck off so I can continue my conversation.”

“Uh, actually, I’ll talk to you later…”

Choso had scared the guy off, face bearing a shit-eating grin as you looked up at him in disgust.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve.”

“What did I do, baby?”

“You’re scarin’ the hoes, plus I’m not your fuckin’ baby.”

Don't listen to a word they say.

Before Choso could respond, you’d walked off in a fit; that made him really hurt. You’d just rejected him in front of some guy you barely even knew and brushed him off like a fly on your shoulder. You’d walked over to your friends, who, when you pointed at Choso, shot him death stares. He deserved that for sure, but nonetheless, it was insulting. He went off to meet Yuuji again, pulling the tequila out of his bag and throwing shots back like a madman. His tolerance was pretty high, but that didn’t stop him from getting dunk, probably one drink or two away from blacking out. He looked about the party, trying to find you, and when he did, you were with the fucker he’d accused you of cheating on him with again, his hand on your waist. Choso was to his limit at this point, wanting to steal you away and take you back to his apartment; he wanted to bring you home and show you just how much he missed you.

I'm in your head like every day.

Choso knew it was a bad idea, but that didn’t stop him from pulling out his phone and texting you.

“Bathroom. Now.”

You’d check your phone, looking around until your eyes landed on Choso, who was already making his way to the bathroom. He had something to prove: if you still loved him, you’d come to the bathroom with him, and if you didn’t, you’d leave him hanging. He walked into the upstairs bathroom, closing it behind him as he splashed water on his face to sober up. After a couple of minutes, there was a knock on the door. He opened it, ready to tell the guy who was knocking off. But it was you. Tits sitting pretty in that strapless dress, so fuckin’ short you couldn’t bend over at all. He pulled you into the bathroom, locking the door as he sat you on the sink.

And you deny yourself…

Choso began kissing you, using one hand to spread your legs apart so he could start to touch you. You’d thrown your head back so he could begin sucking the skin there, pushing him off of you the second he started biting you, not allowing him to leave hickies, and fuck that made him angry. In retaliation, he pulled down the top of your dress, tits falling out as he brought his mouth up to suck on them, taking extra care of rubbing your clit as he sucked your nipples into his mouth. A couple of people walked by to use the bathroom, every time pulling off your nipple and taking his hand off your clit so you’d shut up, telling them the bathroom was occupied. That was until Yuuji knocked on the door.

“Yo, Choso, is that you?”

He almost didn’t answer, coming back down to lift your dress completely up, all of the fabric bunched around your stomach until Yuuji kept talking.

“You wanted to know where she was, right? Asshole just left, but I haven’t seen her, probably left together.”

Choso looked up from your chest, smirking.

“Don’t worry, she didn’t. I’ll be out soon, had to throw up.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the car.”

With that, Yuuji walked off, leaving you and Choso to your own devices. You looked down at him with a twisted face as he slid his hands under your legs, positioning you on the counter so he could eat you out.

“Don’t you think you should leave? Someone’s waiting for you.”

“He can wait; I’ll make this quick.”

As much as he pissed you off, your pussy missed him. He’d been fucking you since sophomore year, meeting you at a car meet a month after the semester started; he ate you out the next day in the back of his S550, so you were his. It was hard to resist him a lot of the time, especially when he’d walk around campus giving you that hungry-ass look, obviously going through withdrawals. You’d heard it through the grapevine that he was keeping his dick to himself, rejecting every girl that decided to wait til you broke up to fuck him. That’s why fucking with other guys was so fun, you knew he couldn’t fucking stand it.

And then you scream my name…

Choso started eating your pussy, sliding his tongue between your lips, lapping at your bud as he moaned into you. Fuck, he looked good. Sucking your clit as you held his head up to your pussy, telling him you were ready to get this over with.

“So, that’s what this is about?”

He hadn’t lifted, keeping his face between your legs, fingering you as he spoke.

“The fuck are you talkin’ about.”

“You brought me here to eat me out because you thought I fucked him, huh? Needed to prove a point or something?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, enjoy it 'cause it'll be the last time.”

“Yeah, right. I see you still wearing that necklace I bought you.”

“Oh, don’t even-”

“Can you just shut the fuck up for once?”

Choso brought his face back to your pussy, sucking your juices up as he massaged your ass. You couldn’t lie, it felt really fucking good. You didn’t wanna cum for him, not like he deserved it, but your body had other plans. He’d been fucking his fingers into you, hitting that place he knew set you off; you hated how good he knew your body. Within seconds you were seeing stars, eyes rolling back as he chuckled into your pussy, drinking up all your cum as he slapped your ass. 

“Good girl. Give it to me, baby.”

God, you were perfect. Moaning his name as he brought a hand up to pinch your nipples, sucking your clit as he fucked you through your orgasm. When you came down, you pushed him off, fixing your dress as he licked you off his fingers. He put your panties in his pocket, kissed you quickly, and unlocked the door.

“If you want them back, you know where to find me.”

“Fuck you.”

And I can't take it.

Come chase the night with me.

You were back to ignoring him again, walking the other way when you’d see him about to walk by and stopping your conversations if he did happen to walk by. You’d been pretty dedicated to this little charade, telling everyone who asked that he was your ex, not even your friend. Which, in theory, he wasn’t, and he didn’t want to be. The only real option was to be your boyfriend, and you were giving him a hard time with that. He’d text you like he always did, telling you good morning and night, and then there were the gifts. It had always been his love language, so it didn’t surprise you when you had roses waiting for you at your door, or a bag of your favorite makeup from Sephora, or a perfume he’d want you to try. You were really coy about it, too; he’d smell you as he walked by, and you were wearing it; you’d wear the lipgloss he gave you and left the note for the roses outside your door. It wasn’t until one afternoon when he was particularly toxic, texting you to let you know he still had your things and didn’t want you to go without them.

“Okay.”

It was a basic text, which really pissed him off, but it was more than anything you’d given him since he ate you last week. You wore one of the dresses he’d bought you when you were together, wanting to get a rise out of him, and your mission was accomplished when he licked his lips the second you walked out of the building. You saw he got a new wrap on his car, the black chrome you’d encouraged him to get for the longest time, persisting that it would look great on his S550, but he insisted on keeping that deep purple wrap. He treated it like a surprise as he opened the door for you, to which you gave him:

“Nice wrap.”

Shit, he’d take it. As he climbed into the driver's seat, he placed his hand on your thigh, which you swiftly moved away. That didn’t stop you from putting your hand on the gearshift adjusting it as he pulled off. God, you were so fuckin’ push and pull. He decided to talk to you as he drove.

They say I'm bad, you say it back, but you know you don't believe that.

“So, how was your day?”

“It was good.”

“Nice earrings.”

“Thanks, they were a gift.”

“Oh yeah? From who?”

“Hm, his name evades me.”

“I see you’re on your shit again.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It means we’ve only been driving for ten minutes, and you’re already talkin’ crazy.”

“Talkin’ crazy? That’s real rich coming from you.”

“Oh yeah? How’s that?”

“Don’t act like you’re not a piece of shit.”

“Didn’t stop you from fucking with me.”

“It did, actually.”

“Was that before after I ate your pussy?”

“Says the motherfucker still in love with me.”

Just like that, you guys were arguing again. It didn’t feel too good, but it was a glimpse into what you guys had, so he was willing to tolerate it. He tensed his jaw as he pulled up to his apartment, turning the car off annoyed, which didn’t go unnoticed by you because you scoffed at him as he opened your door. He walked behind you on the stairs, getting a nice view of your ass as you walked, and he wasn’t stupid; you’d put a lil sass to your walk.

Eat the fruit that feeds your spirit on your knees; now, baby, eat it, eat it.

Choso unlocked the door to his apartment, letting you walk in first, locking the door behind you. His apartment looked the same, but what you’d noticed was that your boots were still at the front door. Your makeup was still organized in the bathroom, and a couple of new products there, presumably gifts he hadn’t gotten the chance to give you. Your earrings were still on his dresser, along with the picture of you two at the fair a few months ago. When things were still healthy between you two.

“I see you haven’t moved my stuff.”

“Because you weren’t supposed to leave.”

“Not exactly ex-boyfriend behavior, Choso.”

“What would that be?”

“Moving on from me, giving me back my things or throwing them away, not talking to me, the list goes on. Let’s be real, you didn’t bring me here to get my shit. Why do you keep doing this? Can’t you see I'm hurt? I don’t wanna be hurt anymore; that’s why I fuckin’ left! I hate that I love you!”

Choso walked up to you now, bringing you into his arms. You hesitated at first, then softened into it. He was always so warm, especially when he was vulnerable like this. When things were good. You began crying into his sleeve, holding on to him tighter as he brought a hand up to caress the back of your head.

“I’m sorry, baby. I promise I’ll do better to treat you the way you deserve. I know I’ve been an asshole, and I’m sorry, but it doesn’t excuse the shit I’ve said to you. Just want you back, baby.”

You pulled back to look him in the face, him wiping away your tears.

“Yeah?”

“Of course, princess.”

You brought him into a kiss, deepening it as he held your lower back, your fingers in his hair.

“Then make me feel better.”

Are you really gonna stand there staring at me all the way from across the room?

Choso let you down onto his bed, standing over you as he pulled off your heels, his shirt and pants right after. He climbed over the top of you, making out with you again as he slipped his hand behind you, arching your back as he unzipped your dress. He pulled off you, tossing it somewhere on the floor. He thought a lot of things; when he asked you to come over, he fully expected to eat you out again, but what really surprised him was your lack of a bra and panties. You’d come over knowing you wanted to fuck him, which made him even hungrier for you, immediately massaging the outside of your lips to tease you. You writhe your hips, begging him to touch you how you need him to. With soft kisses, he made his way down your body, stopping at your tits to suck hickeys into the skin there. You hadn’t stopped him this time.

Are you really gonna stand there staring at me?

Choso’s head fell between your legs, pushing your hips apart as he brought his fingers through your lips, feeling how wet you were for him. He had half a mind to fuck you right then and there, but his main prerogative was to make you cum first, prepping you for later. He’d known it had been a while, a month since you guys had sex, and he wasn’t gonna believe those rumors. Not when he slipped his tongue into your folds, making you his girl again as you moaned his name into the pillow.

“Let me hear you, baby. Need to hear how much you missed me.”

Don't listen to a word they say; I'm in your head like every day.

He was sucking with a passion, practically making out with your pussy as you moved your body against his. He needs you more than anything right now. You were his water, his food, his air. It had been a long month, unsure just how bad he’d fucked up, praying you’d come back to him. And now here you were, letting him take care of you, please you, relieve the stress of the past few months. Taking you to a place where there was no arguing, no fighting, just you and him. You gripped the sheets as you came undone, moaning his name softly instead of screaming it; that’s how he knew he really had you.

And you deny yourself…

But he wasn’t done there. He would make it up to you; so many nights you had to sleep without his touch, nothing but your pillow to sleep on. He needed you to know just how much he loved you, and you were pretty damn sure two orgasms later. You whimper at this point from overstimulation, your body giving into him despite how spent you are.

“How many times are you gonna eat me out?”

“As many times it takes for you to give me another chance.”

Choso wasn’t malicious, though, so he gently laid your legs back down, kissing them as he let your thighs rest on the bed. He kissed his way back up to your neck, sucking hickeys there, groaning as he made you his again. He massaged the fat of your ass now, naked body humping against his as he moved his hips with yours, bringing his lips to your ears.

“Can I fuck you baby?”

At that point, you needed him. Bad. It felt like it had been forever since he fucked you, making quick work of taking off his briefs, helping him position himself between your legs. Choso towered over you as he took in the sight before him. It felt like a mirage, having his girl lay out in front of him, begging for his touch as her hand pulled his wrist, signaling she was ready, the side of her face pressed into the pillow. He brought his fingers to your folds, saturating them as he put your essence on his shaft, nearly shuddering at the feeling. He brought himself down to hover over you, kissing you as he slid himself in.

And then you scream my name…

“Fuck!”

“Jesus, baby…”

You felt so fucking good. He felt like he’d been in rehab for the past month, finally getting his fix again because you were fucking addictive. He started by making love to you, holding your hands as he fucked you deep and slow, whimpering in your ear. But then, he really missed you. He picked up his pace, hips beginning to rut into yours, making you moan his name so loud, he was sure the neighbors would hear you. As he fucked you, though, his mind drifted, thinkin’ about shit he shouldn’t. Fuck, he needed to know.

“Did you fuck him?”

“What? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Did you fuck that guy everybody’s been saying you did?”

You were pissed at him again. Here you were, blissed out, and he was asking about some fucker you only ever flirted with.

“No, I didn’t; now, please just fuck me.”

He believed you, but he wasn’t letting you off that easy. He had to make sure you didn’t get any ideas in the future. He picked your hips up as he fell back on his knees, fucking into you at a pace that made you feel so good you couldn’t even think. He was hitting you right where you needed him to, ramming that spot as he heard your moans pick up.

“Tell me, no one’s ever gonna fuck you like this.”

“No one’s gonna fuck me like this…”

“Who’s are you, baby?”

“I’m yours, Choso. Please...”

“Yeah? Then cum for me.”

 And I can’t take it.

He was fucking cocky, needing to hear you call out for him, need him, crave him. And that you did, which is why you gave him what he wanted. He drilled into that spot, and you burst like a firecracker, your body convulsing from your fourth orgasm of the night. You grip his arm, trying to hold on to anything as you give your all to him, as you’ve done time and time before. He was grateful this time; he wouldn’t take advantage of the kindness you’d shown him. That’s why he gave you all he had, too. He threw his head back as he came inside you, holding your hips close to his to ensure he gave you all of it, not missing a drop. You moaned at the feeling of him filling up, gasping at the motion of his body hovering over you again, arms struggling to stay up as he slowly pulled out of you, kissing you as you both came down from your high.

They aren't in your head like…

Fuck, he missed you. It took everything in him not just to pull you in and hold you there forever, so scared you’d leave. He knew he had to clean you up, though, so he carried you to the bathroom and held you in his arms as you took a bath together, nearly falling asleep on his chest. Then, he brought you back to the room, dressed you in one of his shirts, and laid you under the covers, coming under to hold you close. 

Like second nature, you felt yourself melt into his arms, trusting him to protect you as he kissed your forehead, whispering over and over he loved you. You drifted to sleep; all he could think about was what he would do next. He was tempted to move you in at this point, take you to class in his car every day; you pissed at the loudness of his exhaust. Pick you up and take you out to eat, bring you home to watch a movie, then make love to you. He wanted to be perfect for you because that meant you’d be his forever.

They aren't in your head like…

When you woke up the next morning, you got ready and woke Choso up to take you back to your dorm. He could tell you were a little distant; to be fair, you’d been upset with him for the past month, so he was taking what he could get. Still, you kissed him before you got out of the car and walked into your building; he left when he made sure you were in there safe.

You hadn’t really talked to him that day; when he asked you what was wrong, well, you said:

“I just wanna make sure I’m making the right decision. I wanna make sure things aren’t gonna be like before.”

He’d respected your decision; you wanted to see him change, and he was going to. But that was earlier today, and he was thinking about you now. Old habits die hard, huh?

“Missin’ you, baby.”

“I’ll be ready in ten.”

They aren't in your head like me.

♱ the song used in this story is fruit by abra. 🖤

(this was probably one of the most emotional stories i’ve ever written, but also the fastest, which is probably a red flag tbh.)

♱ masterlist.

♱ all fics playlist.

𝖆𝖚 𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖗, 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖞𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖓.

#choso x reader #chosoxreader #choso x female reader #chosoxfemalereader #choso x f!reader #chosoxf!reader #choso x fem!reader #chosoxfem!reader #chosoxfemreader #choso x you #chosoxyou #choso smut #chososmut #choso fluff #chosofluff #choso angst #chosoangst #choso fanfic #choso fic #choso kamo #kamo choso #jjk x reader #jjk x fem!reader #jjk xf! reader #jjk x you #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jjk fanfic #jjk choso #choso

[teaboot]

Hi! (just a personal ask. Sorry if it's not okay to ask for advice out of nowhere but I wanted to see an outer perspective and didn't wanna ask my friends. No pressure to answer of course but I would love to hear your thoughts!)

Is it normal for me to feel overwhelmed about something I want? I am just starting med school and it's a lot but I am fighting. And in my culture, parents buy their daughters their like things?? (like towels and bed sheets and a fridge. Anything they can buy except the apartment basically) for marriage from a young age. But my mom just started recently. And when she first bought me something. The idea of getting married & being a doctor (both things I want) felt like too much I teared up. My mom said I was being spoilers I guess?? Like I was ruining a good moment? Of course it is not that serious since I wasn't outright crying, and I just laughed afterwards as I felt silly lol ,but It got me thinking if I was being that dramatic.

This honestly felt like the moment in the movie where the mom hugs her daughter and says something like "oh how much you've grown" . Her retort felt like it was out of the script.

If you find time to answer, please be extremely blunt. Because I know for a fact I have a tendency to exaggerate things.

You are not overreacting. You are not exagerrating things. And I'm going to tell you this, because I experience this, the tendency to downplay your own feelings and recollections of events very often comes from having other people do it to you first. People tell you your feelings are wrong, or stupid, or irrational, and you learn to listen to them instead of yourself.

It makes complete sense that coming up on a major cultural milestone would make you feel excited, or scared, or overwhelmed. It sounds like you came upon the first step of a very big change and the reality of it all hit you at once, which sounds completely normal and expected!

Fuck, *I* used to get that about moving houses, and YOU'RE expecting shit like marriage? Holy fuck! I'd be a complete mess! The fact that you're level-headed enough to ask questions and process your feelings and talk things through is impressive, because I think I'd be losing my mind.

Personal story, but when I turned 17, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate. When I told her that it sounded nice, but I'd rather have dinner at home with the family, she told me I was a selfish narcissist, and that I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't consider that other people might have been excited to go out.

At the time, I thought she'd been harsh but ultimately correct.

Now, I see that she had decided what kind of perfect evening she had wanted, and had expected me to play the part in the movie she had written herself. It had never been about what I wanted at all- it had been about her personal desires and expectations.

And it's normal to feel frustrated about things that don't go the way we want or expect, but lashing out at others is not an appropriate way to handle those emotions.

The way we feel cannot be controlled like a machine. The way we feel is usually not a problem. The problem is what we do, and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Children throw tantrums and sat mean things because they haven't learned better yet. They don't have the practice or experience. Adults like your mother and mine should have that on lock, but often don't, especially if culture or tradition or social expectations tell them their actions are justified.

If I had to take take guess, I'd say it sounds like your mom gave you this gift with an idea in mind of how she wanted you to react. She probably wanted you to be grateful and praising and sweet, so she could fulfill the role she envisioned for herself, and when you deviated from that picture, she was disappointed. From that perspective, it would seem that she felt slighted, and that she was owed your gratitude, and you were at fault for withholding it.

This perspective makes sense, in an emotionally immature sort of way, but would completely overlook your feelings, which are just as important.

Your exact situation is not one I've been in before, but if I'm correct in my assumptions (which I may not be) then I'd suggest keeping an eye out for other instances of your perspective and feelings being minimized.

Are you often told you are behaving irrationally? That you're over-emotional? That you're self-centered or greedy or entitled? Are you told that you don't remember things or do things as you're told? That you see problems where there aren't any? That you male trouble where there is none? That certain conversations aren't worth having, or that "you're always like this"?

It sounds like you know that something is off. I'd encourage you to keep asking questions and follow your instincts. At the end of the day, your life is your own, no matter where it came from.

#Teaboot advice #Good luck

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for disapproving of my best friend's relationship? (CW for grooming)

Context: about a year ago I (17, transmasc) joined a local group for queer teenagers to hang out and do stuff together (we meet once a week at the library). The group consists of roughly 10 people and I usually get along with all of them, but my closest friend in the group is W (20, transfem). I would say she's my best friend in general, and I think she'd say the same for me. I'm still in high school and W goes to the community college here.

A few weeks ago, myself, W, and another friend from the group, J (18, cis guy) were over at my place. After a while W said she had some news for us - she'd gotten into a relationship! W used to be (and still is) very socially isolated. She didn't have any friends to speak of before joining the group, not even online, so for her to find a romantic partner was super exciting and I was honestly really proud of her. I obviously wanted to hear more about it, so I asked her to elaborate and this is where things go off the rails.

She said that her new girlfriend (let's call her L) was also trans, and that she was 27. She said they'd met in college and started spending more and more time together. She told us she'd honestly just expected to be friends, but over the winter break L officially asked her out, she was elated, and since then they'd been spending basically all their free time together. immediately alarm bells started ringing in my head - I asked her if I'd heard it right, that L is 27, and W responded yeah, and she knows it's a little strange, but she doesn't mind, so whatever.

I tried to calmly tell her that a 7 year age gap is way too much and that it's not a safe relationship to be in. She immediately got defensive, saying she's an adult and she can do what she wants, etc etc. I said I don't care if she's technically an adult, that's still fucking creepy! I asked J, who had been keeping quiet the whole time, to back me up, but all he did was give me that "I don't know, it's not my place to say anything" bullshit. I was genuinely shocked, I thought he would have supported me but he just… waffled. We had all gotten pretty heated, and at this point W had stood up and started shuffling over to the door. She started in saying I was overreacting over nothing, that they'd been together for not even two weeks, and she didn't need my permission to have this relationship. She said she thought she could trust me, she only told me because she thought I'd be happy for her, on and on, and then she walked out.

It's been a few weeks since then, and she hasn't shown up to the group at the library. I've been too scared to text her because she's clearly pissed off at me. I recognize that I wasn't very good at keeping my composure, and I definitely could have been kinder about it, but I was just scared for my friend. It would be worrying if anyone had gotten into a relationship with that much of an age gap - but she has essentially 0 social skills, and hasn't been in a relationship before, so I'm terrified that she's being taken advantage of because of her inexperience.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[atxxzist]

sweetest lies | c.s (03)

prev // series m.list

pairing: choi san x f!reader

word count: 7.7k

warning: none but lmk

you didn't want to go home because you knew that you'd have to face your sister.

look her in the eyes and see those very lips that yunho kissed and those hands that he probably held on more than one occasions, the wound still too fresh that it all still hurts.

but you didn't think you'd run smack into her before you could even pass the entrance, stopping in your steps immediately with surprised eyes similar to hers, the both of you swallowing down the same time as the air turn an awkward one.

you're about to just walk past her, the day from work leaving you tired and not in the mood for another long conversation about the topic, when your sister musters up the courage to let out a soft, "can we please talk?"

the tone aggravating you more than anything; how she can still sound so sweet and worried after what she's put you through.

you huff and merely roll your eyes, absolutely refusing to look at her although you know it's silly and petty--you being the older one but holding a grudge like no other, so much more less mature than her.

"i don't know what else is there to talk about," you respond, trying your very best to sound annoyed.

but she continues to make you feel worse with an even sweeter tone, "i'm sorry. i really am." and you can already picture the pearls in her eyes and pout on her lips despite still facing the other way.

"i know you like yunho. i do. but..." he's too handsome and charming; too sweet and kind that she also can't help but fall for him. she would never intend to steal him from you if he didn't return the sentiment.

"but he likes you too," you finish for her, something shifting in you that makes you finally look her in the eyes. "i get it. what am i gonna do? you're two grown consenting adults so i'll get over it."

you didn't even think such words could ever come out your mouth, but for the first time sounding surprisingly selfless because maybe talking to san did helped out a little.

there's a silence after that you're sure has marked the end of the topic, striving a step forward when her voice stops you again.

"we're planning on telling mom and dad and yunho's parents over dinner..." she says, delivery timid like she's just the slightest scared of your reaction.

you gulp down the knot, mumbling a dry, "good luck with that." and sliding past her.

you start seeing how truly mundane your life is once the person it used to revolve around is no longer there.

how, it’s a continuous cycle of work and coming home to a big empty house most days and watching reruns of shows until you’re bored out of your mind.

which is how you wind up at a co-worker’s house party, the young woman from the office next to you going by the name of dahyun kindly asking after a conversation with your boss about the paperworks regarding the transfer.

she joined the firm a few months after you but you’ve always known her to be outgoing and a people’s person, recalling the girl’s familiarity with everyone from the floor her second week of work.

it wasn’t like you had anything better to do, so you accepted the invitation and saved the following day for a night of fun, or at least you hoped so.

dahyun had said it’s just gonna be a regular house party; none of that crazy frat bullshit with the chance of someone under 20 attending, so it’s just gonna be chill and relaxing.

fives minutes into your arrival and it’s not too bad but you already find yourself hiding in a corner despite recognizing a few faces from the same working floor.

“if you’re gonna be here, you should at least try and have some fun.”

the familiar sounding voice from behind makes you quirk a brow, barely looking over your shoulder to see, probably the least expected person standing with amusement in his expression.

“seonghwa?” you say in disbelief, your body naturally following your curiosity to stand before him. “the fuck you doing here?”

“attending the party, isn’t that obvious?” he quips, continuing to close the gap before stopping with just enough space.

you scoff and roll your eyes, the sight bringing a smirk onto seonghwa’s lips.

“shut up. you know what i mean.”

“dahyun’s a friend,” he says casually, the answer making you squint.

“seriously? hongjoong and now you?” the complaint rolling off like it’s seonghwa’s fault. you can only cross your arms and sulk.

you can’t even recall the last time you actually saw seonghwa. it must’ve been your graduation or one last coincidental meeting… you don’t remember. it’s been that long.

“yeah, cause you have better things to do?” he pokes fun at the very obvious fact you came alone. “where’s that jeong boy? you know, the one that always got you on a leash.”

between hongjoong and seonghwa, seonghwa’s always been the more calm and level-headed of the two; being the voice of reason when you and hongjoong would lose it.

but on the occasion when he’d just let it go and be snarky, seonghwa could really pull a nerve.

“is that all people associate me with?” you have the audacity to click your tongue in annoyance and scoff like you didn’t do it to yourself.

seonghwa snickers.

“oh i’m sorry. it was just my most recent memory of you,” he says cheekily. voice calm but you know there’s hidden animosity underneath.

he never explicitly said whose side he took, but it was obvious from how he treated you the same as hongjoong did. it only made sense because they’ve known each other before you even came along.

you never fault him, knowing it mostly had to do with your own fuck-ups.

“hmm,” you hum, tone setting into the same sarcastic and dry one he has. “well, it’s nice catching up and all but i don't feel like reminiscing the past, so if you’ll excuse me.”

because you can admit your wrongdoings and also be both embarrassed about it, attempting to brush past him when his speaking voice stops you in track.

“hey, i was just trying to find something to talk about after all these years,” he says, half chuckling and staring at you from the opposite side now that you’ve managed to make it past him.

you snicker lowly.

“what?” you quirk a corner of your lips, continuing with amusement in your voice, “then you’re gonna say sorry? or expect me to?”

he shrugs.

"that's your choice."

but his body language now shifting, that playful look no longer in his eyes or tone, it's almost scary how fast it happened.

the next few seconds is a silent stare off, the only sound is the party music in the background and the slight beating of your heart at the ominous delivery.

"i'm not asking for an apology or whatever. frankly, it wasn't even my problem, but i'm just saying... your life would be a lot easier if you know how to say sorry for once."

seonghwa thinks you have too much pride; the same thing you believe to be keeping you intact is gonna be your ultimate downfall because even when you're clearly wrong or you know you're wrong, you never say it.

you're one to keep it bubbled inside and carry the guilt just because you think you should be unbreakable at all times. it's such an unrealistic standard you've set for yourself.

you raise a brow at that, tilting your head in confusion.

"i know how to say sorry," you tell him sternly, attempting to convince him as much as you are to yourself.

“i’m uhm… i’m sorry,” you utter lowly, sounding and appearing ashamed by the way your fingers fiddle with each other at your front, san almost can’t believe it.

“pardon?”

“i’m sorry, about this morning.”

it's beyond comprehension how san must've been the first person you've genuinely apologized to after going so many years of the word kept to yourself.

it must've been the absolute humiliation and loneliness that day that really got to you, breaking you down until you were so vulnerable with nothing but the choice to fold in front of the one person you felt you could still confide in.

san being that person is also beyond what you can explain.

but seonghwa only merely puffs and crosses his arms.

"i just think it would be great if we could be friends again one day," he says, the ominous dropping and voice turning soft and reminiscing again that it makes your eyes go wide before you see a smile turn up on his lips.

"if you ever want to reach out to me or hongjoong again, you know how to find us."

he leaves his last words of the night opened and vague, disappearing off with one last smile before he's out of your sight, leaving you with much to think about--just exactly as he intended.

there's only so much excuses to make or places to be after work just because you don't want to be there for dinner, knowing it's the day both yunho and your sister are gonna tell your parents and his the good news.

know that they're all gonna react with surprise and be so happy for them, erupting in cheers and congratulatory words that the two children they've been rooting for the longest time has finally gotten together.

there really isn't a lot, that you just sucked it up and stayed the few extra hours overtime to make up for all the instances you've slacked off, even starting on work saved for the following day, hoping it's long enough to just miss the dinner.

and just enough it is, you return right as the table's just about to be cleared, the chitters and chatters around loud enough to drown the opening and shutting of the front door with yunho the only one catching your presence standing in the hall.

"they were really happy, yeah..." he says awkwardly, standing before you in the cold chilly air of the backyard.

you really didn't want to talk about it anymore, the subject like beating a dead horse at this point. but yunho had approached you so cautiously and calmly, something genuine in his action that you couldn't say no when he asked to talk for one last time.

"hmm," you merely hum, really not made for comforting or encouraging. most of the anger already dissipated although the hurt's still there, you can't bring yourself to not feel even the slightest happy for him, even if the smallest percentage because you saw the biggest smile ever on him back at dinner.

you contemplate on what to say because yes, you're still hurt and feeling betrayed, but it's not like you can hold it over his head forever. he isn't some stranger you can easily avoid.

he's yunho and you're just gonna have to get over it; not just for his sake but also for yours just so you can feel a little more at peace and move on.

"i'm sorry," he suddenly let out, your head snapping from the ground and to his guilt-ridden eyes.

because though he still stands by what he said, not a single word a lie, the few days apart also allowed him to think outside of the box--especially from your perspective.

how selfish he really was from the start, playing along when he was being dishonest the entire time, and how much pain he could've saved everyone if he hadn't been such a coward.

if he hadn't wanted the best of both worlds and knew he would lose you in some way if you found out how he actually feels.

you have to blink a few times, feeling like a lost puppy under yunho's apologetic gaze because you honestly believe that in comparison, you have so much more to be sorry for.

and as if he could read your mind; your expression speaking for itself because you have a certain look of bafflement or aloofness whenever you feel guilty.

you won't ever say outright that you're wrong, but your body language always gave it out.

it was one of the very first traits he picked up from being around you, having seen it for himself at the starting age of twelve when you pushed a much younger san to his injury and cried--not because you got yelled at by your parents but because you felt bad.

and how distracted you were at the movies the entire time after your fight with hongjoong because you confessed to yunho a few days later that you were being a shitty friend.

you have such a way of dealing with your emotions, he wishes for there to be an outlet for you to deal with them in a healthy and accepting manner.

one that doesn't depend on him or anything else for all the wrong reasons.

"i'm sorry," he says again, eyes now softer but still sincere. "i know i already said this last time but i really got carried away and couldn't finish. but i truly am sorry. i should've told you sooner. i should've never given you any sort of false hope, and i should've just been honest from the start."

he's sure he's out of breath when he finishes, just waiting for you to now say something in return because despite all the ups and downs and shortcomings, you're the one who's been with him through most of his lowest points and he's so grateful for that.

he wouldn't want to lose you over this.

you stay quiet for a few seconds more, a mental battle in your head just so you'll be able to form something coherent when you do speak.

"we both just weren't right for each other," you say, pausing briefly, "in that way... at least."

because yunho hid things from you and you were so in your head you were convinced he was in love with you at one point, always looking at everything through a rose-coloured glass but now able to see for yourself once it cracked, just how destined it was to fail from the start.

"sorry," he mumbles, low and head still hanging in shame, you can't help the dry chuckle that falls from your lips.

"you don't have to keep telling me you're sorry. like what i told minjeong: i'll get over it."

he picks his head up from the more cheery tone, the smallest smile forming on your lips that takes him by surprise because of the illusion it gives off; that you were able to come to terms with it so fast, but he knows you and knows it's all just a facade.

nonetheless, he nods, gulping silently to pass a comment.

"i hope you're taking care of yourself."

you smile, turning your back on him and crossing your arms to stare up into the stars in the nightsky who's currently the witness to the end of your 'relationship' with the boy you've loved your whole life.

"i've considered transferring work. it's not set in stone yet, but i did talked to my boss and he said he'd help me look for an opening if i'm interested."

you think it will be good if you can seek your own independence for once, unable to think of a better time than this one.

and though you can't see yunho, you can tell he's intrigued by how his question squeaks slightly when asking.

"where would you be transferring?"

"japan," you answer, once again facing him. "it's different, but close enough where i don't have to feel like i'm halfway across the world. my boss said i have about two months-ish to make up my mind."

plus, japanese is the only other language you're fluent in. the country a similar but new enough experience and the true testimony to how you'll be, away from the grasp of your parents.

"i see," yunho replies, nodding in understanding; so much to say but at the same time unable to say anything. he wouldn't ever want to hear someone he's close to plans on moving away, but he's almost proud of you for taking that next step.

"feel free to call me up any time if you need help," he adds, a soft smile gracing his features that makes the moment so bittersweet. you wish you have the guts to hate yunho, but you really can't after all he's done for you.

you nod lightly, at the same time allowing yourself to enjoy the breeze and calm silence before letting all your guards down.

"yunho..." you call his name almost timidly, the boy responding that immediate second.

"i'm not asking for an apology or whatever. frankly, it wasn't even my problem, but i'm just saying… your life would be a lot easier if you know how to say sorry for once."

"i'm sorry," you finally tell him, to wide and surprised eyes--unsurprisingly.

"i'm sorry for putting so much pressure and baggage on you. i also should've asked about your feelings from the very beginning. i shouldn't have just... assumed."

yunho knows it's the sincerest form of apology without the need to say a lot. from the nervous timbre to the guilt in your eyes, and even the way you start fiddling with your fingers.

he only snickers, much to your initial mixed reaction until you start warming up to it as well, the low but very real giggle leaving you putting a smile on yunho's face.

"apology accepted," he says.

you allow another giggle before cutting it short and looking at him through your blinking lashes.

"if you guys have went to this extent, then i hope you'll treat her right, jeong yunho."

you leave the night at that, a sting in your chest but you know that soon enough, you'll be relieved of it and you won't even think about him anymore.

it's after sitting down for a few minutes that you get a text from san, the funny coincidence that you were just talking about the transfer with your boss as well.

san: yunho told me

san: it's true you're gonna be leaving for japan?

you honestly can't recall how san even got your number. it must've been something you did drunkenly or he must've asked for it from yunho. but for sure, you did not give it to him willingly.

y/n: he really be snitching, huh

san: so it's true ☹️

you roll your eyes and try preventing even the smallest smirk. you haven't seen the man ever since that day and now is when he decides to reach out again.

y/n: maybe 🤷

san: 😔

san: just when we were starting to get along too

y/n: lol. you'll be fine.

shaking your head, you put your phone down to return to work, thinking to yourself there's no way san's actually serious because you're sure even if you did move halfway across the world, he would barely notice you're gone.

ten minutes of silence from your phone and you're also sure he's given up on the act--when your notification buzzes again.

san: ☹️ thought you weren't gonna run away

y/n: i'm not

y/n: i just want to do something different

san: if you say so

san: you free this evening?

y/n: i get off work in about 3 hours

san: wanna do something? 🙂

y/n: well aren't you a changed man 🙃

san: i thought it was nice the other day and i just figured you might need a distraction

you have to admit the fact you were taken aback a little; in a surprisingly good and touching way that san would care about you so much as to consider the after effect of what have happened.

y/n: if you're up for it 🤷 not like i have anything better after work

san: awesome! i'll see you then 😉

--

it's not everyday that you go waltzing into a guy's place; if at all, actually, because you've ever only graced the presence of the house next door because unlike san, yunho never had the urge to get his own place or be away from the watchful eyes of his parents.

it only takes two knocks in total for the door to come apart with san standing before it, a smile on his face and every body language welcoming.

"that was fast," you comment, walking past him to get inside.

"i was waiting," he says, calm and relaxed. "you took a lot longer than you said you would."

you shrug and plop yourself down on the couch, head snapping his way to reply.

"i had to get out of my work outfit."

he acknowledges it with a nod before seating himself next to you, his phone sitting on the coffee table in front of you gone unnoticed until you see him pick it up.

"what to order?" he scrolls through the delivery app, the same time you quirk a brow.

"stew sounds really good right now," you say.

"soft tofu stew?"

"that's fine. but make it spicy."

you weren't sure what you guys were gonna be doing once you came over, but he had just said to hang out and you thought any form of entertainment was better than none.

"any drinks?" he asks, after placing the order and getting up to walk over to the fridge.

"got any sodas?"

"i got some coke."

"that'll do."

he returns with two bottles, setting it on the table with a smirk stickered on his face, you have to reframe from rolling your eyes.

"what? no alcohol tonight?" he teases, his back falling onto the couch with hands behind his head.

"not in the mood," you reply, straight and simple.

"fair enough," he mumbles.

you let your eyes wander for a few more seconds before asking, "so, what's the plan?"

he gets up to sit straight and look you in the eyes.

"i was thinking a movie, video games, or we can just talk over food."

you hum with straighten lips, nodding and making yourself at home when it's your turn to fall back on the couch.

"anything's fine," you tell him, patting at the material under you and adding, "great couch by the way."

"yeah. it cost a fortune."

"good thing that wasn't a problem," you jab lightheartedly, because you always have wondered what the hell san does all day, besides the very obvious fact that he lives off the wealth of his parents and doesn't have to worry about anything when it comes to money... at least.

"i know what you're thinking," he says, not reactive of any kind.

"no but seriously, what do you do all day?" you ask, genuinely curious and interested this time.

he just quirks his lips, responding in the most lax tone, "enjoying life and doing what anyone in their 20s would?"

you scoff and shake your head.

you really do wish to be as untroubled and carefree as san is. the way he deals with and confronts everything as if there isn't a single thing to lose.

“it definitely bothered me at first, but i didn’t see why i should be losing sleep over it. me and yunho are two very different people after all who does our own things. i’m proud of what he’s achieved so far, and he’s always had my back when needed.”

you almost can't help but to have the tiniest respect for him in that regard.

"good to know." you giggle. "but what's the plan after?"

"working on it. but not really in the hurry to rush it or anything."

you nod courtly at that, another sinking thought about how similar, yet different the two of you really are.

growing up, you've never really paid much attention to san, always writing him off as annoying and obnoxious, but when left with no choice but to face him on a deeper level, you can't help but to notice the stark differences despite relating to him more than yunho.

"and you... are you really moving? like forreal?" he says, tone a soft worried that you almost want to believe he would be sad about you leaving... being this adamant and all.

"yeah," you answer, the disappointment befalling his expression completely flying over your radar. "forreal."

"but why?" he pushes.

you shrug, everything about you relaxed--as opposed to the boy standing across as he tries to digest the very big possibility of you going away, and most likely for a long time.

"i told you i wanted to travel."

"that's moving to a whole different country," he states the obvious, much to a laughter from you as the uneasiness on him only becomes more transparent.

you laugh some more, going on to say, "don't tell me you're actually gonna be sad?" your lips forming a frown after to tease him, and for the very first time, you think san might've blushed a little.

he opens his mouth as you watch curiously, but the moment shortly disrupted by the sound of san's phone going off.

"delivery will be here in 10 minutes," he tells you still holding the device in his hand before he tosses it aside.

"i also just want to try being on my own for a while," you bring the topic back into discussion when it seems like he isn't gonna answer the question.

you add, "if i do get moved, it will be on my own accord and everything will be from my own pockets... not my parents or anyone else. boss said i have about two months and i most likely will have to train the replacement but i think it's all gonna be worth it."

you're unable to read into san's reaction, silence filling the air until he finally speaks again.

"if you want to learn to be on your own, why don't you just get a place first? you know, instead of moving across the country. as someone in the current position, it's pretty nice if i say so myself."

your lips draw into a thin line, not because he's wrong but because you've never actually thought of that. you pretty much did just jumped ship into the next big step.

"i've uh... i didn't think of that," you mumble, the words cracking a smile on san's face before a snicker rolls out.

"jesus, y/n. a bit dramatic aren't you?"

"shut up," you hiss.

as the night goes on, any doubts and worries are long forgotten when the chatters with san would go on even after the food's arrival, both chewing and talking at the same time like you're never gonna run out of topics.

the eating soon turns into a search for something to watch while the two of you squabble about anything and everything, forgetting what the hell you're even fighting him about and being surprised you could even get this worked up without the help of alcohol.

and after you're both finally worn out from the long night; the foods on the coffee table now empty and dry and the tv running for far too long, you help clean the place up when it seems he's fallen asleep and quietly make your way out of the condo shortly after.

tuesday 4:32 p.m.

san: how about this one? looks really nice and is kind of close to my place 🙂

san: *attachment*

y/n: that looks way too fancy and expensive

y/n: i just want something that's enough for one person

it's impressive; the fact san even entertained the idea of leaving everything you've already got in mind to settle for something else, but even more so that you're even considering it.

getting a place of your own and learning to live on yourself would be a lot more doable than moving across the sea and away from everyone and everything you've grown up with.

you suppose it's not a bad idea. you're just not sure if it's the right one.

san: you're not gonna find anything if you're gonna be this picky 🙄

y/n: i'm just looking

y/n: if i'm really gonna stay, i'd do the search myself

san: 😢

you don't even realize how san starts weaving into your daily life and just integrating himself into it; whether through small, mindless texts, or bigger ones like actually inviting you out or over to his place (more frequently, at least).

wednesday 1:20 p.m.

san: what time do you finish work today

y/n: i always finish at 6

san: wanna come over? i got a game we can play 🙂

y/n: it better not that stupid truth or dare

san: ☹️

san: it's not

san: it's truth or dare spin the bottle

y/n: 🥱

san won't admit how fast he came at the sound of the first knock, and you also won't admit that despite him looking very much the same, there's something different about him lately.

something you can't pinpoint but it's almost as if he's gotten more attractive somehow even though you've never really cared about any of that.

"did you wear that to work?" he comments on your outfit as you make way past him and settling inside.

"yes," you answer dryly, tone soon overturning. "what? you think i was gonna get pretty?" you smirk.

he shrugs, mumbling a "maybe" that you quietly let pass to take off your shoes.

"wanna see a few places i've looked up?" he beams, going over to the laptop that was on the kitchen counter and running over to you on the couch with it.

"why not," you mumble, scooting closer, shoulder bumping into his nonchalantly.

you watch him scroll through the abundance of luxurious condos alike his, opting to raise your brow and turn to him.

"why are they all high-profile and in gangnam?" you question.

"pfft," he scoffs, facing you head on, standing the closest he's ever been to you in a long while and remarking, "it's not like you can't afford it. come on, y/n."

"i can't." you move away from him. "if i even get a place, it's gonna be with my own savings, not my parents. i definitely can't afford a place like these. can we please look at something a little less flashy?"

he shakes his head and eventually changes the area, but an hour into the search and you're still not satisfied. the prices are either not doable or the layouts and amenities aren't to your heart's content.

"let's continue this another day," you sigh out, throwing your head back and groaning as san chuckles.

"fine," he gives in, shutting the laptop and moving it out of sight. "you're so picky."

"well you got to be. i'm sure you didn't pick this place out in a day," you say at the same time you look around.

on your own, there's no way you'd ever be able to get anything like this.

"and you don't think it's nice?"

"are you kidding?" you say in disbelief. "it's amazing. if i had the money, it might as well be my dream place. but it's okay. i can also settle for much less as long as it accommodates all my needs."

san can't help but laugh, because he thinks you're both the snazziest person he's ever met, but also the most tame, it's a bit uncharacteristic of someone who grew up wealthy all her life.

"fair enough," he says, standing up abruptly to go grab at an empty beer bottle also on the counter which you're sure he most likely prepared for, given his next set of words.

"how about spin the bottle but no dares. we can only ask questions and the person has to answer truthfully." he places it on the coffee table.

you snap to him at that with something uneasy in your eyes, prompting a comment from him.

"you scared?" he tease.

"what? no," you blow.

"then what are we waiting for?" san doesn't hesitate with one of his hands already on the bottle but you have to stop him in the process to ask one more question.

"what kind of questions though?"

it takes him maybe a second for a light smirk to crawl out of him and with a shrug, telling you, "any."

you eye the bottle on the table anxiously as it circles and clinks; not afraid of the idea of the game but more so that you're playing with san and he's gonna ask the wildest shit.

fortunately, san shoots himself in the foot.

"oh fuck, it's me."

it's your turn to smirk, letting out an almost sarcastic, "yeah."

"knock yourself out. i'm an open book."

you roll your eyes because you know he is, which is why trying to come up with something that will even faze him is gonna be a challenge.

"most embarrassing thing you have done at a party?"

he scoffs it off in amusement, like he can't believe you're even asking that.

"i thought you could do worse, y/n. but sure."

he hesitates and hums for a few seconds more before answering, "got high as fuck and almost kissed wooyoung."

a dry snicker actually escapes from your lips at the confession.

"yeah i always suspected you guys had a thing for each other."

"please don't," he says in pure disgust. "i love wooyoung forreal but no amount of high can get me to kiss the man."

you laugh, now actually the one to initiate the spin because you think it can turn out fun. you think.

and thankfully, it's not you that have to answer a question, again.

"wow," san only silently curses the double misfortunate.

"how many people have you slept with?" you blurt, bold and straightforward, san even slightly taken aback.

"don't ask questions that will break your heart."

"tsk." you roll your eyes. "you could sleep with the entire population of earth and i wouldn't give a shit."

"not even the tiniest bit?" he plays on in that voice you hate because it's always when he's trying to flirt with you.

"i'd give the tiniest shit about everyone else because poor them."

"sharp," he retracts, the amusement all over his face. "but to answer your question, maybe eight? ten? to be honest, i've lost count."

"good to know," you reply nonchalantly, nodding for him to spin the bottle this time, but you know it's only so long before your luck eventually runs out, and so it does.

"ha," he says in victory, the top of the bottle pointing at you.

"i'll go easy, don't worry just yet," he teases annoyingly, you almost want to knock your foot into his.

"what did you think of me when we first met?"

you quirk your lips and pretend to think although you already know the answer.

"well, i thought you were gonna be sweet, but that was until i got to actually know you. then you were just annoying and a pervert."

he bursts out in genuine laughter and yeah, you think he's cute and endearing like this but 95% of the time, he's getting on your nerves.

the game continues on with a back and forth of innocent enough questions; just laughing and scoffing off the ridiculousness, and you're starting to think he might spare you, until the next one turns your eyes a dark one.

"what is it about yunho that made you like him so much?"

and again, you've already stated so many times why you like him. his kindness. his attitude. the way he presents himself. the way he treats you. but if you have to pick one.

"it just seems as if he accepted me for who i am. i don't know."

the way the atmosphere shifts is scary; both of the smiles on your lips wiped and replaced by unreadable expressions as san quiets without a reply, you have to be the one to speak again.

"and you... w-why are you helping me?" you ask him.

"huh?" he repeats just so there's no mistake.

"we don't even like each other and i pretty much treat you like shit but you still seem rather concerned about my wellbeing for whatever reason."

it has gotten so silent by now, you can hear san swallowing.

"you're the one who always says you don't like me. i never said i don't like you."

it's your turn to swallow, staring back at him with nervous eyes because you're not sure how to take the statement just now or what exactly he really means.

"i just thought the feeling was mutual," you mumble, shrugging lightly.

"no. i think you just didn't care enough to ask me," he says with a dry chuckle because he's right and even you know it. your mind at the time too occupied with his brother instead.

"so like, you really don't want me to leave?" you take the opportunity to tease him, a tone on you almost unrecognizable that you think even made san a bit nervous and shy.

"you could say that," he talks lowly, on the verge of stuttering. "i've known you almost my whole life."

"and if i did?" you ask, voice turning a more serious one as the words make an etch in san's heart. it hurts to even think of the possibility.

"then i would be really upset."

you watch his eyes and lips go soft, something so genuine and sincere in his response that makes you just freeze up before breaking the tension with a forced snicker.

"you still have some time to change my mind," you encourage, because you wish for there to be bigger reasons to stay so you won't regret the could of, even if san has to be that reason.

some might call it healing, some might call it a rebound if that even applies at all, but san successfully weaves himself into your life like a routine that you're no longer fazed by a morning text or even a goodnight one.

the way he'd just check up on you during work or call during the weekends to ask how you're doing and if you're up for something together.

it's a bit pathetic he's pretty much your only friend (and even that's a reach) at this point, but you genuinely enjoy his company.

he listens well, is fun to be around, and is almost like a life-long friend who's been missing your whole life.

but while those are the ups of being with san, there's also the downs--such as the long list of girls that'd constantly ring his phone or send him a text while the two of you are together, and while that isn't any of your business, that doesn't stop the few doubts that manages to plague your mind.

are you interrupting anything? does it make you a bitch for hanging with him when he has other girls lined up? does all of this even mean anything when you could very much just be one of them?

that maybe even if there's a possibility, you could never fully give and commit yourself to someone like san because it doesn't seem like he's ready to settle for anyone.

he haven't ever had a relationship that lasted more than a few months and you haven't ever known him to have less than two option on the table.

which might be why you were so much more attracted to yunho, because in comparison, yunho seemed like he would give away his heart and soul for just you.

but you know that, though. you knew that's how san is. you shouldn't have expected anything else, but you still can't help but to feel a strange, unfamiliar sense of loathing when he's distracted by another girl.

"i talked to the landlord a few days ago and she said if i wanted to see the apartment for myself, she would be more than happy to show me," you tell san over a late night eat out; the restaurant about to close in an hour but you're sure he's not listening because his head snaps to the text he got just now.

he still attempts to sound like it's the current topic holding his attention, which you have to give him credits for.

"that's good," he shortly says, fingers fast to type something on his phone before pushing it away. "so how many more days left again?"

"about two weeks, give or take," you respond, poking at your fries with the fork.

two weeks before you'll have to make the ultimate choice to leave or stay.

it's been that long, time just flying before your very eyes to the point where yunho's presence lingering around the house for the sole purpose of your sister almost no longer does an effect to you.

"wow. already?"

"yeah."

san offers to pay for the meal and drive you home instead of the usual catching a movie at his place before the actual end of the night and it's not like you're gonna fight him on it.

he's not your boyfriend and he definitely doesn't have any obligations to follow through any routines or whatever, so why are you all of a sudden feeling so tense about it?

tense and bitter about the fact that after he drives you home, there's a likely chance there's gonna be another girl at his place.

you think you're losing it.

you had let yourself indulge more and more into the possibility of staying, which was how you found the place that you could practically call ideal.

though it's only one bedroom, the modern but warm-toned style of the complex as a whole, as well as the location and pretty much everything else is convenient and accommodates all your needs.

when you had finally set a time and meeting with the landlord, you fell in love even harder in person because the second she opened the door to the place, it was like you knew this is it.

you think it can work out. you think you can see a future in this place; in this city still. and you have been much brighter and happier lately, even telling your boss the following day that there's a big chance you're gonna change your mind about the move given time is creeping up.

you had sent a text to san so excited because you want to tell him in person, every day the chance of you actually staying increasing by the second and he had told you he'd be available tomorrow night.

despite the conflicts swirling in your stomach a week ago, san had made up for it by being attentive as usual and making you feel like he really cares about you that the occasional rings and texts not from you were starting to become bearable.

after all, what does he owe you?

you're content with just having someone to talk and share your day with. you think you can live with that.

but you didn't expect nor think that all it'd take for the doubts to settle in again is to actually face the reality of your situation, making your way to san's place as promised and seeing a familiar face on the way in.

long hair and with a frame you've definitely seen before, it's hard to ignore the sensation she manages to conjure by just merely passing you.

“why don’t you ask the one person that would actually know where he is? or are you too good for that, too?”

you squint, confused, until he nods his head another direction and you follow, landing right into the view of the kitchen and to someone you know all too well just from the back.

his hands on some poor girl’s waist and lips running along with hers as her grip tightened at his disheveled hair, his body pressing her forward onto the counter, the both of them making out like there won’t be a tomorrow.

“no thanks,” you dismiss, managing to reframe from an eyeroll, pushing past hongjoong but not before you catch the smirk on him.

it wasn't the first time you saw her with san, because if it was, your body wouldn't have recognized her so easily as if she's a threat, replacing all the excitement and hope with nothing but old and plain insecurities.

then it's as if everything was a mistake.

choosing to stay because of san and with nothing but the hope that it will all work out... instead of going away on your own for some time and learning to really be independent.

your whole life, you've already been nothing but emotionally dependent on someone else, looking to them as a source of support, and you've realized that this time, it isn't any different.

you've just moved from yunho to san... and you didn't even like san for the longest time.

so how long before it will hit you that staying was a mistake; and especially that choosing to stay because of san was gonna be the biggest one of them all.

you have the tendency to catch feelings way too fast, and even if not romantic which you won't admit in this case (even if it might be), you react strongly to it and the feeling is consuming.

because how long before san will leave you the way yunho did?

everything may seem good for now but they will all meet the same ending. and to think of everything in perspective this way, you know you're not meant to stay.

your parents, yunho and your sister, san...

you don't feel ready for any of them currently, your life stuck at a point where you're not moving. and so you just turn back around and head home.

you think long and hard just to be sure this is what you want; then you think of how to tell your boss tomorrow, and about an hour later, you finally get a text from san.

san: you still coming? you said you have something to tell me

y/n: something came up sorry

y/n: i was just gonna tell you that i've made up my mind and i think i'm gonna go to japan

a/n: i am truly sorry for having been gone a while only to come back with crumbs, but i hope y'all enjoyed this mess & will anticipate it finally coming to an end the following chapter <3 lmk if i missed anyone on the taglist cuz i have not touched it in 4ever fr

taglist: @freeandrealme @shingene @cookiechristie @softie00 @crimson-mia @hexheathen @lixpixstix @atinytease @turtash @moonseonghwa @kkayfan @curryramyeon @justineasian @sannie-pudding @itsokaytobedumb00 @nerdy-kimchi @fannyxmh @acciocriativity @mel-the-mad-hatter @eastleighsblog @diorwoo @devilsmatches @kyume02 @distvrbia @wonwowzers @endeav0rsb1tch @sannwa @brown88 @sangiluvem @eburneon @hotteokhatyu @yeosangsbiceps @sankatchu @lynnsqueendom @harusoraa @ad0rechuu @interweab @revehosh @byunniebaekhyunnie @nabi-sannie @gugggu6gvai @rockstarsanie @shakalakaboomboo @yeosangsbbg @yawnzshit @avantalem @lelaleleb @mountiiny @arinyyy @svintsandghosts @yoongiworshiper @raineadlr @tunaasan @chickenscoups @nevieatiny

#y'all don't even know #the demons i fought #just to get 7k out of my ass #y/n got serious issues #but i hope y'all will still enjoy the drama #ateez angst #san x reader #choi san x reader #ateez x reader #ateez series #yunho x reader #fic: sweetestlies

[scarletwinterxx]

wait for your love - haechan scenario

hellloooo so this one is a request. I've mentioned it before, i'm still not the best at writing angst but I try😅 when i saw this request, a few scenes immediately popped in my head. Hope you like it🥺 also I was listening to We Can't Be Friends by Ariana on repeat while writing this.

Also a short anecdote, when I saw nct dream last year during Sorry, Heart stage I literally bawled my eyes out. Like full on ugly sobbing in my seat haha I was okay during the first verse but when it got to Haechan's turn to sing the chorus the tears just went falling like waterfalls

ANYWAYSSSSSS

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

"What are we then?"

Those words shouldn't scare Haechan as much as it does. He hates it too. He hates how he can't say it to you but he doesn't want to let you go either.

He hates this grey area the two of you are in now.

"We're us. Isn't that enought?" he asks back

"For fuck's sake, we've been seeing each other for what? like 2 years now? And until now you still can't commit? I can't call you my boyfriend, you don't like it when people ask if we're dating"

"Because it's none of their fucking business"

"Well it's my business, I'm asking you right now, what the hell am I to you?" you stare at him, waiting for an answer. Any answer.

At this point hearing him say you don't mean anything to him would make more sense than the usual silence he'd give you.

"Baby, please I don't want to argue" he mumbles

"See, this is what you do all the time. I'm not a play toy. I'm not some past time you can call whenever you're bored, Haechan. We're adults now. I've invested my time, my feelings, a fraction of my life to you. For this. And you can't even answer me, is that too much to ask? Am I too much?"

You look at him, waiting for him to argue back. You didn't know it was this draining to be in a relationship or situationship or whatever it is you have with him. At some point you got tired of asking him what this all means. When it's clear he's not going to answer you, you stood up from your seat

"I can't do this" you whispered

"What?"

"I can't. I can't do what you're asking, Haechan" you speak clearer this time

He waits a few moments, letting the words sink in.

"What do you mean? I thought you said... you said we can"

With every word he tries not to show he's breaking right and the only thing keeping him together is you, and here you are about to slip through his fingers.

"We can't keep all promises, right? Like how you promised you'll try. This isn't trying."

"Baby-" "Don't" you cut him off. You know it will be a lot harder to walk away if you hear him call you that, it's already hard on you now.

"This is me letting you go" were your last words to him before walking away. You wipe the few tears that escaped, plastering a very fake smile before taking the first step away.

One of many you'd try to take just to get away from this heartbreak.

You would want to say that's not how it ended, that he changed his mind and finally mustered the courage to call you and say what he's really thinking. You want to say that he came the next day and surprised you, knocking on your door holding sunflowers for you.

But no.

After that day you never heard from him again. When you got the (unspoken) message that he'll never try to reach out and fix things between the two of you, you blocked him on everything. Your friends didn't ask questions, you went on with your life. Trying your best to bury and let that part of your story go.

From spending every day and most nights together to being strangers. You acted like he never existed to cover up the hurt you're feeling.

It's been over a year since that. You haven't really cried about it. Not even the day after he left. It's like you're just a shell now. You locked everything in a pandora box in your head, to be forgotten for the rest of time.

"Hey did you hear Dreamers new song?" your roommate asks the moment she steps through the door. You were sitting on the dinning chair, stacks of works and your laptop infront of you

She hears the song playing in the background, "Of course you have, it's good right?" she smiles

"Mhm, I like it"

"Sorry, Heart. Definitely an anthem for the broken hearted" she says withouth meaning out, "I meant like you know it's a sad song" she adds

You chuckle, she probably thinks this song is very fitting for you and you kinda agree with her.

"Anyways, I'm going to the lounge later. Want to come with?"

"Sounds good, I actually need to go out, stretch my legs and get some fresh air"

"Okay, let's leave after lunch"

You met with other friends at the lounge, chatting and sharing notes together. It was a good way to pass time. These days you find that it's best to keep yourself occupied so as not to think about things you'd rather not think about. You kept yourself busy. Finding random hobbies, fixation. For a while you liked running after class, then you got into baking, then crocheting. Activities that keeps you busy, distracted long enough not to remember.

One day you were at a record store, your newest hobby. Browsing for a new record to take home. Today out of the days you forgot to bring your headphones so you hum along the music playing in the store.

While reading the back of the record you were holding, you hear it.

A familiar voice you haven't heard in a long time, a voice you didn't think you'd hear again.

Your head shoots up, looking at the other side of the aisle.

You'd know his voice anywhere. You can be inside the loudest room and you'd still be able to single out his voice.

There he stands right across you, signing out your favorite bands newest song while he has his headphones on. Probably not realizing he's singing a bit too loud.

When Haechan felt someone staring at him, he looks up not expecting you to be looking back at him. He blinks a few times, comtemplating if this was all a dream or he's going crazy and started to hallucinate.

Immediately you put back the record you were holding and ran out the store. Once again leaving Haechan behind.

You're already far by the time he takes the steps to follow you, thinking this time he's not going to make the same mistake but you were already gone.

He knows you blocked him. Of course he tried to call you but his efforts were shut down when he couldn't reach you or his messages won't deliver.

Similar to you, he tried to find distractions. To drown out the thoughts, he drinks, goes out to parties, too many nights he drunk texted you, saying how much he missed you only to see it in the morning unsent. Most of the time there's music directly blasting through his ears. Music being his only escape from his own thoughts, if he's left long enough it's like his own mind is beating him up.

That's how he got into collecting records. He was on the look out for this new record so he decided to drop by the store that day. He didn't expect to see you there.

Out of all the places he'd see you again.

He's not going to lie, he imagined this moment many times before. Even rehearsed what he'd say to you when he see you again but now that it happened he just froze on the spot.

Just like that it's like he back in his room, watching you walk out his door for the last time. He's back to square one.

It's been weeks and no sign of Haechan. It's a good thing, you think.

Also you've been subtly avoiding going to public places just in case you accidently see him again. You thought you're ready, but the moment you saw him it's like all of these emotions you've repressed since you left came back again.

Your roommate finally convinced you to come out. A few of you were gathering for karaoke night. You almost said no again but you need a night out, one more night in your room might just drive you crazy.

"Oh my gosh, girlie you're hereeeee" one of your friends squeals when she saw you walk in the room

"I'm here as a spectator, not to sing" you tell her, accepting the bottle of beer she hands you

"Alright by me, you better cheer the loudest when I sing"

You got invited to karaoke night. A couple of students from campus got together tonight to hang out for chill night. Even though you don't really sing, you do enjoy hanging out with your friends.

You were talking to another friend when suddenly you hear the intro to a familiar song being sung by a familiar voice.

왜 이리도 쉽게 토라지는지? (Why do I become mad so easily) 내 맘이 작아서 너무 한심하지? (It's pathetic that my heart is so small right?)

You look over the makeshift stage to see Haechan holding the mic, singing out one of your favorite songs.

어떻게 널 볼까? (How can I see you?) 밤새 뒤척인 맘의 조각들 반짝이지 않아 (I toss and torn all night The fragments of my heart don't shine) 난 알고 있는데 내가 할 수 있는 건 (I know it, what I can do is) "I'm sorry", 그 말뿐이란 걸 (Only those words)

Before the chorus starts, Haechan looks through the crowd finding you. He looks straight at you as if he's singing every word to you.

Words you wished you heard from him a long time ago.

Tell me why I let you down Any chance I get, I'm breaking down 잘못인 걸 다 아는데 (아는데), 왜 힘든 걸까? (I know I'm at fault but why is it tiring?) To tell you that I'm sorry, heart

For the rest of the song the two of you look at each other. You listen to him, imagining it was really him who was saying those words and not through the song.

When he finished, you stood up to go outside and get some fresh air.

Of course he's here. Luck was never on your side and fate seems to like playing jokes on you.

Haechan watches your back, giving the mic to the next person before following you out. You hear the footsteps behind you, knowing who it might be without looking back.

You're now at the rooftop of the building, a fewer people were hanging out here than inside. Feeling another presence beside you but they haven't said anything yet.

Even though you already know who it was, you don't say anything instead you get another beer from a nearby cooler and passing it over to Haechan without a word.

For a while neither of you said anything, watching the view in front of you.

“I get flashbacks when I see you and not the good kind” you finally speak out loud

“You’re saying that like I was the worst thing that ever happened to you” he snickers, holding the bottle up to his lips to drink his beer

He really didn’t think you’d talk to him or even acknowledge his existence at all. But now here you are, at some rooftop at a party he least expected to see you. 

He’s trying not to be too obvious but he can’t keep his eyes off of you. Maybe it was the way the light hit your face, or how the cold breeze was hitting his skin and yours. The moment he arrived he was kind of hoping to find you here tonight. He knew some of your friends were coming, you did use to have the same circle of friends until he started to distance himself.

He's glad though knowing you found good people who'll be there for you.

He's looking at you again, not being able to stop himself. It was at this moment he realized. Realized something he never thought he was ever capable of ever doing again. 

Feeling. Loving. Falling and accepting. 

The sound of horns from cars and the murmuring people in the background, the city lights in front the two of you and the stars as the witnesses. Witness for something that’s about to unfold.

It was scary. This new found knowledge scared him. 

In the past it was scary to him to even think about being tied down. To be committed to someone. All of this comes from his fear of failing. He wanted to tell you that before, the last day before you ended things between the two of you he wanted to let you know the reason why he couldn’t set things straight with you was because he was scared of letting you down. He was scared you might feel trapped. 

It's wasn't you who was too much for him. He was the one who felt like he was too much for you. He thought he was being too fast, too careless. His fears got the better of him, costing him a future with you.

You walked away and everything in his life got worse. Like the only light in his life was extinguished. 

Right now feels like that one chance to get things right. Even though he still feels scared, this time he’s willing to take that risk for you.

There are other things to be scared of, like your gaze. It was the way you were looking at him.

Like you can just consume all of him with those eyes. How you’re saying a thousand words with them without saying a single syllable.

One look into his own eyes and he's ready to surrender everything to you.

“Do you really want to hear my answer to that or are you still emotionally unavailable?” you ask, taking a sip of your own drink. 

“At what point did you realize you liked me? Like really liked me?” he asked instead, all he got was a laugh from you. You were laughing out loud like it was the funniest joke you’ve ever heard. 

“We were watching a movie, I mumbled something under my breath. I think it was something along the lines of ‘oh that’s so cute’, talking to myself. Then I felt you hold my hand, you kissed it before holding it in yours for the rest of the movie. It’s not the grandest gesture but at that moment I felt so content. It was all I wanted but I knew you didn’t think the same way” you smile sadly recalling that memory. Giving him an answer, wondering why you did.

"I guess I never said sorry, I'm sorry"

You shrug, taking another swig from your drink. "What's done is done. I would say no hard feelings but I kinda do hate you for what you did"

"Good. I'd be sadder if you said you didn't care. Hate isn't the opposite of love, it's indifference" he says

"Was that what you felt for me before? Indifference?" you can't help but ask, in your mind you're not sure if you're ready to hear his answer but it's too late to take it back

He shakes his head, drinking the rest of his drink before standing straight to face you

"I felt more for you, more than I ever said. In that I was wrong, I admit. I should've told you. It might be no use in telling you now, but I did feel something for you. I was being stupid and was too scared to admit it"

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"Because I realized not having you in my life is scarier than the thoughts in my head. I was too scared of my own mind, I sacrificed you instead when I shouldn't have. I could've told you. I wish I told you"

You listen to him, letting it sink in. For so long you asked just what went wrong, what you could've done differently or what would've happened if you stayed.

"I waited, I waited until you told me you liked me. But the more I waited, the more I started to not like myself. I knew I deserved more but I stayed because I wanted to be with you. You were always first to me" you say

Hearing you say those words breaks something in him. He did like you, he still likes you. Haechan has always kept a safe distance from everyone, you were the only exception.

"I'm glad we got to talk" you say to him with a smile, then you walk back inside.

This time Haechan didn't follow you because he knows this won't be the last time he sees you.

"Oh my gosh, so that's what happened between the two of you?"

After that conversation with Haechan, you went back to your place and called it a night. The next day your roommate noticed you were staring blankly into space, out of concern she asked you what's wrong. You told her all that happened in the past 24 hours then you told her all about your history with Haechan.

"Yep, I haven't seen him around campus that much after that"

"You know, one of his friends is my blockmate and we go to the same gym. I heard he did an exchange program for a year, maybe that's why you haven't seen him around" she tells you

"Oh really, he did mention it before. Maybe he went through with it" you mumbled

"So you guys were like in a situationship then?"

"I guess so. We weren't exclusive, but he was the only guy I was seeing for like 2 years. Remember when I was barely home"

"Oh! That was him? He used to like send food here all the time whenever you were busy studying"

"What?"

"Oh my god I forgot to tell you that? yea this was like when you guys were a thing. During exam season or when you're busy with reports and stuff, he'd drop off food for you" she tells you

"I thought you had those delivered"

"Girl no, half of the time he leaves it at our door. The only reason I know is because I caught him one time and he fessed up"

No, you definitely didn't know that.

Haechan never told you. He never told you anything. At some point you thought it was better to not ask instead of being met with silence as a reply.

One thing you know though is he's the type to take action rather than say it. You won't be surprised if he did it before, he might not be good at expressing himself but he never passed the chance to make you feel like you're the only girl in his world.

It feels like that was another lifetime ago, that at some point in your life you'd rather be the backburner than totally lose him.

Seeing him again was no help. It's like you spiraled down again. You thought he didn't have this effect on you anymore but you were wrong. You'd be lying if you say you haven't thought of him since you saw him last.

What you didn't know was Haechan felt exactly the same. He's trying to think of a way to reach out to you without seeming to needy, he didn't want you to think he's forcing himself back into your life.

Another week has passed and still no sign of you. He decided to get drinks with his friends, he's a few drinks in when he decided to call it an early night. This really wasn't where he wanted to be.

He's not sure where he wants to be. All he knows is his night would be a thousand times better if he sees you, even just a glimpse.

On his walk back to his place, he plucked a branch from a random plant. Picking out the leaves one by one, leaving a trail behind him.

You're on your way back from the library, deciding to get some midnight snacks first. You noticed the scattered leaves on the road, chuckling at the sight. The more steps you take, you slowly realized it's the same path to your apartment.

You slowed down, looking around to check if anybody was close to you but the street is empty. You grab your phone in your pocket just in case, while you hold your keys with the other hand.

When you're nearing your front door, you see someone sitting at the steps. Head lying low, you can't even see his face but you'd know that brown mop of hair anywhere.

"Haechan?" you called out for him

Haechan looks up, seeing you walking towards him. At first he thinks he's dreaming, he wipes his eyes to clear his vision. Even pinched his arm to check if this was real.

You're here.

He's here.

"What are you doing here?" you asked once you're standing right in front of him

"I grabbed drinks with Yangyang and Jeno, I swear I was walking home. I guess I got confused" he mumbles, now holding a branch with no leaves on it.

You look at it, then looked back at the trail of leaves behind you.

"Do you want to come in? Go drink some water or coffee first before you head back" you offered

"Are you sure?" he asks back, standing up from the steps

"Wouldn't offer if I wasn't. Let's go inside, it's getting chilly"

He steps aside to let you go first, following behind you. The elevator ride up to your floor was quiet, even after going in your apartment Haechan didn't say a word.

"Here, have some water. I can make coffee but it's too late to drink it, do you want ramen or something?" you ask him while getting the snacks you got out of the grocery bag

"Do you usually ask guys to come in with you and cook ramen for them?" he asks

He meant to only think of it, but with the little amount of alcohol in his system seems to have turn the filter off.

You snicker at his question. Instead of answering him, you grab two ramen cup noodles from your cupboard and turn the kettle on. You wait for the red light to turn green before pouring it in the cups, bringing it over the kitchen island and taking the seat beside him.

"I can't even order late night snacks without thinking about you, we used to do it all the time when I came over at yours or when we're having late night hangouts. You ruined a lot of things for me" you finally say

Haechan just looks at your profile. Even though you say it like that, there's really no trace of anger on your face. Maybe you are, but to him you look so pretty and cozy. He wanted to beat himself up for ever thinking he can walk away from this. From you.

"For what it's worth, whenever I get drunk I used to text you all the time. You probably blocked me because the messages never got delivered. Every morning I see that on my phone, message after message until I lost count. I knew you weren't going to answer but I still did it"

"Why?" you ask him

"I missed you. I wanted to tell you I was being stupid, I wanted to beg for you to take me back. But all of those thing I could only say with a bit of help from alcohol. That's how I knew I couldn't go back, not yet anyways. You deserved more than drunken confessions"

You look over at him, for the first time since that night you really look at him. The same eyes that used to feel like home to you.

He looked so different yet the same.

You still feel the same.

"It's been 3 minutes, you hate soggy noodles" you nod at his ramen. Opening your own cup to start eating. Neither of you said anything after that. It wasn't awkward, you actually enjoyed the quiet.

For the first time since Haechan came back and you saw him again, your mind was at peace. You weren't overthinking things. You weren't wondering your long list of what if's.

It's like a part of you knew he's finally here again.

After the quick snack session, he helped you clean up before walking towards the door.

"Thank you for the uh snacks and water" he didn't know what to say, a shy Haechan is a rare sight so you can't help but smile.

Haechan sees this, he can feel his own cheeks redden. You still look so beautiful when you smile, so beautiful that he's ready to fight anyone who makes you smile that isn't him.

"Go home, it's late. You're sober now right?" you ask him

"Yea, I'm good"

"Okay, don't want you getting confused and going to someone else's front door"

"I promise I won't drunk text you again so will you unblock me now? Or if you have a new number you can text me or whatever. Actually you know what, do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don't listen to me, I'm just blabbing now"

You can't help but giggle at him, the action making Haechan's heart skip a few beats.

"I'm imagining this is how those drunk texts would sound like" you say

"I missed you, Y/N" he mumbles

You don't say anything. He can hear his own heartbeating, each thump like it's the last then you're smiling back at him

"Goodnight, Haechan"

He smiles at you, waving goodbye before finally walking out. He gestures for you to close the door behind him, only leaving after he hears the lock from the other side. He skips back home.

The next few days were back to normal, you weren't feeling gloomy. You were going out with friends. All in all, you're in a great mood.

"Hey, somebody left this outside. Tell me I'm crazy but is this from Haechan?" your roommate hands you over a small bouquet of flowers with a paper bag full of snacks.

"Uh yeah, I think so"

"I know things didn't end well between the two of you, but the boy is still so whipped for you" she mumbles, watching the small smile on your face

"Maybe it's just a peace offering"

"Right, well whatever it might be I say go for it. As long as you're happy"

You look up at her, shocked to hear that all of a sudden "Isn't that what you're worrying about? You really think I didn't notice it, you were listening to Sorry, Heart on repeat the other day then now you're listening to love songs. If he's it for you, then give it a chance"

She left after that, leaving you alone at home.

You take the gifts Haechan sent to your room, putting the flowers in a vase. You see a small note attached,

xx12131xxx just in case you lost it or changed your number. - H

You get your phone and dial the number, it's still in your phone. You unblock it first before you click call, waiting a few rings before you hear his voice

"Y/N?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone else, and uh it looks like you didn't change your number"

"Oh yea uhm so you're unblocked now" you told him, not really sure what else to say

He chuckles, "Thanks, so I'm guessing you got the flowers and the snacks?"

"Yeah, thanks by the way. Why though?"

"You shared your stash with me the other night, just wanted to pay you back"

"You didn't have to, I offered. But thanks again"

"Hey uh are you busy right now? or tomorrow or really whenever you're free"

"I don't have anymore classes today"

"Do you want to go grab coffee or food or anything really. Whatever you want, my treat"

If someone told you you'd be going out to get drinks with Haechan, you'd say they're out of their mind. But here you are, visiting a new cafe you've never been to with a guy you thought you'd never be with again.

"I'd get the taro milktea, thanks"

"I'll take this one" he points at the drink in the picture, "And two of the cookies please, thank you" he pulls out his card to pay for the both of you. When you got your drinks and food, you walked back outside to sit on the vacant seats. The weather was nice, it wasn't too hot or too cold. A perfect day to be out.

You open your drink, taking a quick sip while Haechan does the same. You notice he made the face, like when he drinks or eats something sour.

"It's lemon flavored isn't it?" you chuckle, taking the drink from him and giving yours to him instead

"No, it's fine. I'll drink it"

"You hate anything sour flavored, I like lemon it's fine" you sip his drink, it does taste good but you know he won't like it

He watches you get the cookies, breaking it in half before giving him the other.

"If you have anything to say, just say it. You're too in your head again" you tell him

"Sorry, I was just..." he's at lost for words, but this time not for the wrong reason.

It's like his mind can't put what he's feeling in to words.

"Did you get the record you were looking for?" you ask him, changing the topic

"Huh?"

"At the record store"

"Oh I wasn't really buying anything, I was just browsing around. They didn't have the vinyl version of the album I wanted, I'll come back some other time" he tells you, taking a sip of your well now his drink.

"You were singing to the Dreamers, you know them?"

"I know a few songs, Sorry, Heart is good. I like that one"

"Me too. You sounded good when you sang it" you complimented him, this made him smile shyly at you

"Isn't it a bit too sad?" he asks, you shrug your shoulders

"I like it, although my roommate said I've been playing love songs these past few days" you shake your head, remembering what she told you

"Thank you by the way" Haechan suddenly says

"For what? You paid for our drinks"

"I meant for agreeing to get drinks with me. I was an asshole to you. All the time I was gone, I was thinking about how to make it up to you. That is if it's okay with you" he tells you.

He mentally pats himself on the back for not messing that up. Maybe slowly he'll learn how to speak his true feelings, he just hopes you'll be there to listen to him. Even though it took him this long.

"The last thing you asked me was what are we, I was being stupid. I wanted us to be more. I wanted us to be official but I was always scared to say it. I don't know why I was ever scared of committing, I could've been with you. That's my regret"

"Haechan"

"You're not a playtoy to me or just some past time whenever I'm bored. You were never too much for me. If anything I was the one who lacked. I don't blame you for walking away, I deserved that. I needed that so I could finally grow up"

You listen to him. You listen to him finally say the words you've been waiting to hear from him.

"This time I want to do it right, I want to take you out on dates, be there to go on night walks with you, go buy records we'd listen to, whatever you want to I just wan to do it with you. If you'll still have me"

The last words was barely a whisper, like he's scared to say it outloud, scared you might turn him away.

Haechan feels his heart beating wildly again, one day he might pass from arrest he thinks. Then you smile at him and it's like everything in his world stops.

You lean over, kissing the corner of his lip lightly. It was so quick but to him it felt like long time

"All I wanted was that, when it gets too much in your head you can talk to me. I'll listen. We don't have to walk away from each other" you tell him

"I'm sorry" he whispers

"I forgive you, the same way I forgive myself from everything that has happened. We need to heal from those wounds for us to move forward"

He smiles at you, he didn't even notice he got a bit teary eyed until a few tears escaped. He wipes it away before looking back at you again.

You stand up from your seat, holding out your hand to him. He looks at your hand then your face then your hand again before intertwining it with his.

There wasn't a destination in mind, he's probably thinking the same. The two of you just walk where your steps lead you to, with him following beside you holding you close to him.

Haechan looks at your hands, a smile forming on his face. He leans towards you to kiss you on the head, the action making you smile too.

"Thank you" you hear him mumble. You didn't say anything back but he felt you grip his hand tighter. Squeezing it three times.

And he knew everything was finally going to be okay. This time, you won't let go.

#story #tags #request #nct #nct fic #nct recommended #nct reads #nct dream #nct 127 #nct haechan #nct imagine #nct scenario #nct fluff #nct angst #nct au #haechan imagine #haechan oneshot #haechan scenario #haechan fluff #haechan angst

[bro-atz]

freesia [flower garden — wooyoung]

inspired by: stranger than friends — webtoon

in which: all wooyoung wants is someone to love him.

pair: college student!wooyoung/gn!reader

word count: 1.6k

content: fluff, childish and immature (but trustworthy) wooyoung, a lot of drunk wooyoung, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of swearing

rating: PG/PG-13 | safe for work!

flower garden masterlist

"I'm so over this! I hate love!"

"Jung Wooyoung, I swear to God—"

"No, Kang Yeosang, you don't understand! I am tired! I am tired of being alone! I'm tired of seeing the four of you dating and having the time of your lives while me? Wither poor fucking Wooyoung," a very drunk Wooyoung exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

"I think you're going to have a hard time because of, well, this," San pointed out— he thought he was being helpful, but he most certainly was not.

"Shut the fuck up, Choi San," the drunken boy mumbled before taking a giant swig from the shared vodka bottle sitting in the middle of the group.

"Sure, because none of us wanted more vodka," Yunho grimaced.

Wooyoung shot the boy a stink eye before falling to the ground. He was fine— he was just being dramatic and falling to the ground like a damsel in distress. The boys knew this routine of his at this point, and instead of console him like the had done countless times in the past, they just ignored him.

"Seriously, Wooyoung. I didn't find my significant other by acting like this," Mingi said with a gentle sigh. "You gotta change this attitude of yours."

"What attitude?"

"This one! This childish and immature ass of yours!" Yeosang blew up; he was honestly extremely tired of hearing Wooyoung sing the same fucking song over and over again for however long they had been friends.

"What, so I should act like fucking Mr. Prim-and-Proper over here? Or like Mr. Humble-Gentleman over there? I'm not a fucking flower boy," Wooyoung frowned as he pointed to Yunho and San respectively.

"No, you don't have to change who you are, but you could maybe try not acting like a spoiled brat and more like a grown adult," Yunho explained.

"But I'm not a grown adult. I'm a college student. We all are college students. You guys need to act your age."

Then, Wooyoung launched into one of his long rants, making the other four boys officially give up for the night. Talking to a drunk Wooyoung was like talking to an annoying, drunk wall. They just let him burn himself out and continued drinking peacefully amongst each other the second Wooyoung passed out for the night.

The next morning, Wooyoung woke up with the most insane hangover— he had never had a hangover before, so he was honestly shocked and scared.

"I'm gettin' too old for this crud," he started that morning as he plopped himself in the barstool near the kitchen.

"Shut the fuck up. You're a college student," Yunho, who was the first one up that morning, retorted while making his morning coffee. "But you could ease up on the alcohol."

"Gee, you think?"

"Anyway," Yunho side-stepped Wooyoung's heavy sarcasm. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Of course I do," Wooyoung said without a hint of sarcasm this time around. "I always remember. I may be drunk, but I'm still mentally there."

"Right. Well, consider it. If you seriously want to be in a relationship, then not acting like a kid may help. People like more mature and serious guys."

"As if you know dating culture so well," Wooyoung scoffed.

"Mmm, considering I've been dating my significant other for five years, I'd say that I know how dating and relationships work by now. More than you for sure."

Wooyoung glared at the tall boy as he smiled smugly at him before heading out of the kitchen to start his day. Checking the time, Wooyoung grumbled to himself as he got himself ready for class. As much as he would love to skip the class he had, it was a lab, and he didn't want to screw over his lab partner. He might've been childish and immature, but you could always trust him to be there at least.

And thankfully for him and his blinding headache, this lab was a darkfield microscopy, which meant that the entire lab was going to be dark. Right before class, he popped a couple of painkillers and stepped into the room to see that they were assigned new lab partners. At first, Wooyoung was resentful because his lab partner was the literal best in dealing with him and his shenanigans, but the second Wooyoung saw who his partner was, he was thanking all the immortal entities in the universe.

He thought it could've been his drunk mind, but you were the most stunning person he had ever met. You were gorgeous with your hair tucked back, and even with the lab goggles on, you had the most beautiful eyes that Wooyoung could spot from miles away. Every single thing you did was so elegant and so graceful, and even though all you were doing was dropping blood onto the slide, it was the most magical thing he had ever seen in his entire life.

What he loved even more was that you would play into his antics. The lab was pretty quiet, so Wooyoung would whisper random jokes here and there to you, and you would respond with the most beautiful chuckle that made his heart swoon over and over and over again. Wooyoung was smitten, obsessed, and dare he say it—

"I'm in love!" Wooyoung cheered at the top of his lungs.

It was boys night again, and this time, Wooyoung was drunk, but he was happy.

"You're weirding me out, lowkey," San watched Wooyoung with wary eyes as he twirled around the dorm.

"San, you don't understand," Wooyoung sighed blissfully. "My lab partner is just... God, my lab partner is perfect. Also! Also, their name!"

He repeated your name, the syllables rolling off his tongue smoothly, your name leaving his lips like a knife cutting through warm butter. And for the rest of the night, that's all he could do. He just kept saying the name of the person he was completely in love with, pissing off his friends in a new way.

Alas, the lab had to end, and Wooyoung feared that you would never speak to him again. You had shared a microscope for a solid two weeks, but neither of you thought to ask to exchange phone numbers. Wooyoung wanted to, don't get him wrong, but every time he thought about doing it, he would chicken out because his heart would be racing at a million miles an hour, and he didn't want you to reject him or for him to have a heart attack just because he was going to ask someone out.

"You just need to ask. It's so simple," Mingi tried helping Wooyoung before he had to go to class.

"Wow, it's as if I didn't consider doing that. Thanks," Wooyoung, using his signature sarcasm, replied.

"Just rip the bandaid off, dude. I don't know what else to tell you. If they reject you, then you just move on. If not, then hooray, your efforts paid off."

"Also, you usually have no shame screaming at the top of your lungs while we're out in public drinking, so why are you finding it so hard to ask someone out?" Yeosang asked.

"Are you saying I should drink then ask them out?"

"No!" both boys chorused at the same time.

"Fucking— Just be yourself, Wooyoung," Yeosang said with a deep sigh. "Just give them a fucking flower and tell them you like them with a dumb joke that you usually make."

"But, I thought you told me I should change? That I should be more mature because people don't like childish, immature guys."

"Don't make me punch you. Get the fuck out, go to class, and for the love of God, just ask."

With Yeosang's words in mind, Wooyoung did exactly that. He was confident and outgoing, so asking you out shouldn't have been as big of a task as he was making it. So, he summoned up all of the courage within him, and he vowed to himself to do it that day.

"Wait! Wait," Wooyoung stopped you after class one day. "I... I want to ask you something."

"What's up?"

"So... Oh my fucking God, I don't know how to say this," Wooyoung muttered to himself, unaware that you could hear him. "Why the fuck is it so hard for me to tell you I like you?"

"I like you too, Wooyoung," you helped him out.

"Oh fuck, you heard that?" Wooyoung covered his mouth, his face turning bright red. "I'm going to jump out the window I'm so embarrassed!"

"Oh my God, Wooyoung! I said I like you too! You don't need to do that!" you couldn't help but laugh when Wooyoung actually turned to look for the nearest window to fling himself out of.

"W-Wait... You like me too?"

"Yeah, I do," you shot him the cutest smile that made him clutch his chest and nearly fall over. "I just didn't want to say anything because... Well, I was unsure because you seem to be like this around everyone, and—"

"No! I'm glad that... That you like me too... And I was wondering..." Wooyoung started mumbling again, his nerves taking over once more despite knowing that his feelings were mutual.

"Here's my phone. Give me your number," you stepped in again, making him wonder if you were reading his mind or if he was talking loud enough under his breath or if you were his freaking soulmate.

Wooyoung's fingers trembled as he typed in his phone number and handed your phone back to you.

"I'll text you," you said, that beautiful smile of yours only getting bigger, your face only getting more sparkly. "Maybe you'll find better words over text."

God, Wooyoung was ready to fall over when you giggled and waved good bye to him, the lovestruck boy motionless in the classroom as he watched the actual love of his life glide out of the room.

"I'm so in love! I love love!"

flower garden masterlist

flower garden taglist: @eyeryis @sinnarols @k-hotchoisan @khjoongie98

networks: @atzhouse @cromernet @cultofdionysusnet @newworldnet @wonderlandnet

#codn: spring 24 #atzhouse #cromernet #cultofdionysusnet #newworldnet #wonderlandnet #ateez #jung wooyoung #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung x gn!reader #ateez wooyoung #jung wooyoung ateez #wooyoung ateez #jung wooyoung fluff #broatz #flower garden series #flower garden ateez #Spotify

[twelvemonkeyswere]

watching more of Ace and 7th, I'm delighted by their unmatched dynamic:

the Doctor built a gigantic weird grey square thing to substitute Ace's boombox, which was destroyed by the Daleks (awww)

while spying on some nazis, Ace sneezes. the Doctor immediately fakes bird sounds so nobody suspects there's a human there

when Ace sprained an ankle, the Doctor adamantly insisted on helping her himself and gave her a small speech about how she has to take care of herself

while spying on the nazis, the Doctor asked Ace if she ignored his instructions and has explosives in her backpack. she says she's "a good girl" and does as she's told, so he says "excellent, blow that vehicle up." she's SO thrilled about it

Ace has defended the Doctor with all her heart every time someone accuses him of something because that's her Professor and she rescued him from the street and gave him a forever home. she defended him even though he refused to explain his past and a cryptic lady teased that the Doctor had deep secrets that couldn't be revealed without grave consequences, and there were hints that he was involved in the creation of Gallifrey in the Time of Chaos. Ace said "fuck the lot of you this is my old weird little guy go find your own" and stood her ground

Ace made friends with a girl in a town who had her exact same energy. they began talking about nitroglycerine so Ace told her they should talk outside. when her new friend asked why, Ace said "he gets upset when I talk about explosives" loud enough for the Doctor to hear her laugh. he let her go without another word

in that same episode, Ace meets another female soldier who was now commanding Brigadier, as well as Brigadier Stewart's wife. They all went out on a girl's night, leaving the house chores to their respective male companions. The Doctor was beaming at the women while leaving and very cheerily said he'd cook something for the men left behind

sometimes the Doctor is trying to figure something out and Ace chimes in to ask questions that prove the Doctor has been teaching her about physics

the 7th is very vocally anti-war and anti-violence yet has immediately resorted to death threats the moment someone's even sniffing at Ace. I've seen him use a sword, several types of guns, and maybe a bomb? All to prevent Ace from being slightly threatened

Ace accidentally destroyed a madman's lab while being attacked by some creatures. The scientist was all "YOU RUINED MY LIFE'S WORK" and the Doctor turned proudly to Ace and said "that's my girl"

one time they sat at a bar and Ace tried to order alcohol. the Doctor growled a warning "Aceeeee" and she sheepishly changed it for a lemonade

the Doctor boops Ace's nose several times as a sign of affection, and Ace smiles and accepts it, which I'm CERTAIN she would never take from anyone else

Ace has repeatedly dragged the Doctor around when he was being stubborn, sometimes even using his own umbrella, which I'm CERTAIN he would never take from anyone else

the Doctor keeps sending Ace places where she will be out of harm's way and Ace keeps finding direct and indirect ways to put herself in harm's way, which makes the Doctor then run after her to help her. this is literally what most episodes are about.

Ace repeatedly refuses help and compliments, but never from the Doctor. she also talks with insolence to most adults she encounters, but never to the Doctor, even when she's angry or talking back to him

the Doctor encourages Ace to be brave about her fears. there are very few things that truly scare Ace and make her feel insecure, and he is honest about what makes him scared and insecure, to show her he wants her to get through this

one time they had to return a magic sword to its place, and they were doing a ritual about it. Ace, who took it out in the first place, held the sword insouciantly to put it back and the Doctor says "Ace, don't you have a sense of the moment? this is important" and Ace just flatly says "no" and smashes the sword back

after a long day of being hunted down by creatures the Doctor paces around to monologue and when he turns to Ace, she's fallen asleep on a couch. so he smiles and gently pats her cheek with the back of his hand

truly the most duo of all time

#i love that he's very aware this gremlin child picked him as her Designated Adult and he's very gleefully taking care of her best he can #most of the time the job is to hold Ace back but more importantly #the job is to know when *not* to hold Ace back #when someone told me Ace was his daughter I thought they were exaggerating but truly this is His Child #doctor who #classic who #7th doctor

[safety-pin-punk]

hey queer nd teen here i've been really interested in punk culture and the message drives me to tears but i'm scared of being called a poser because i feel like a coward

i hate cops and i think they should fucking die and the government is fucked and we have to look after each other. but i feel backed into a corner because i'm surrounded by family who would laugh at me and just wouldn't understand and i don't feel like i can Handle it but i Want to

as a shy and nonconfrontational teen with a shit ton of anxiety to boot i dunno. i admire brave hardcore punks who beat up cops and nazis but i Can't Be That

no need for a response but it would be nice

When I was a teen, I was told by my best friend that I could never be a punk. That I would never be a punk. But here I am. I was a shy quiet kid, and I’m still pretty quiet and prefer to avoid confrontations when I can. My point is, these things don’t prevent people from being a punk if its in their nature

Not all punks are the big tough punks who can physically fight those fights. Though they are a very important part of our community. But we also have plenty of disabled, neurodivergent, and chronically ill people who are just as punk, and even people who are just not into violence. They are advocates, they are researchers, they are community care takers. Being a punk isnt all about fighting evil. I actually think thats not the best way to look at it at all. Being punk is about caring for your community. And while ‘fighting evil’ is a part of it, there are a lot more things that entails.

If you truly want to be a punk, it seems like you are already going down the right path. You alluded to a not so great home life where it might not be the best idea to dress in alternative styles. You could always start with smaller, more subtle things. Or you can just wait until you can move out to start exploring that. Remember, being punk is more than just an aesthetic, and while the aesthetic may look cool, it is by no means a requirement to be a punk (honestly half the time I run around it cowboy boots and a flannel - in the winter I usually add the hat too)

You are a teen still. Growing and learning about yourself and the world around you. And so are your peers. Any teen who calls you a poser is being a jerk and doesn’t know all that much about the scene. Any grown adult that calls you a poser is probably a poser themselves who refuses to acknowledge that not every person comes from the same background. But I also feel like it’s important to tell you that what anyone else says shouldnt matter that much. Even if it feels like it does, if you let their words matter to you, you are giving them all the control.

Its okay to be young and not know a lot. Its okay to not dress alternative for any number of reasons. Its okay to not feel like you could go off and fight bad people. None of those things make you a poser.

#mail tag #punk #punx #punk culture #puppy punk #baby punk

[transhawks]

Probably because Dabi is not a child lmao. It is cringe af to want to see an adult man acting like a little pet to his childhood abuser and think of it like a nice cute thing. As if Dabi wasn't already fucked up enough.

This is a pretty fucked up way of looking at it.

"pet". So, a lot of abused as kids adults still have contact with their abusers. Maybe they have no other way of having survival and do it for financial reasons, maybe the abusers are their only support network. But aside from the "having to", you're missing another big part of the puzzle here. A lot of us love our abusers and acknowledge that as a part of them. And while the kneejerk reaction is "you shouldn't, they don't deserve it", I want to point out how fucking invalidating it feels to be told that it's "hate your abuser for what they've done" or "they're your family, you must forgive" as the only options. I've always said I want more media and stories where people like me can walk away or cut ties with abusive family because I don't think there's enough of them BUT I also don't want to shame or hurt people who want/need their own resolution of still being in contact or considering their abusers family. It's unfair to act like this a zero sum game.

No one wants Touya to "be a little pet" to Endeavor. Or at least I don't. But acknowledging it's love that fuels this and it's love that is very much a solution is a core part of the manga. It's sickening to me that you reduced the complexity of the Todoroki storyline like this, not going to lie.

And! He's fucked up! The whole story is fucked up! The whole point of Dabi, and Shouto, and just the Todoroki family is about how abuse and their societal expectations can fuck you up! Abuse doesn't often produce well-adjusted, logical or rational individuals, you have to work to undue to the literal brain damage it does to you! That's one of the whole issues with ABUSE, you know????

Dabi was emotionally abused and neglected and the root cause is so much because he genuinely loved his father, who did not know how to be an actual father and was too scared to learn/own up to his own failures. That produced this cycle. Wanting that core characterization of him to be acknowledged in fanon is not wanting Dabi to be a pet. It's wanting people to actually fucking engage with the material we are GETTING.

Let's be clear - the manga is ending with Dabi reuniting with his family. He's currently passed out and his father essentially trying to shield his family's bodies with his own body. This is not the kind of thing that's going to lead to "well, damn, i'm out of here" from Dabi. Maybe it will in a few years when there's so much more agency on Touya's part where he can choose the relationship he wants going forward. Recovery is never a straight line, and each child can define the relationship on their own terms, but it's absolutely clear that Dabi wanted that closeness and acknowledgment from his family NOW. He literally asks why it took so long in his near-death heat haze. And that means Touya and Enji will have to figure out a new relationship. If that bothers you, if you really wanted a revenge fantasy rather than an ending that relies on empathy and accountability going forward, then this is not the manga for you.

#asks

[lixzey]

Hi again babe😊 So I thought of a request, it’s kinda long so I don’t mind if you want to put it off or something but here I go anyway.

Timmy is older than reader by quite a few years (no minors ofc💀) but they’re dating and Timmy starts to feel like he’s manipulating reader because of the age gap so he breaks up with her and is kinda mean to her. Reader is really sad cause she did love him and kinda throws herself at him. then one day she overhears him having sex with another girl and starts crying and he catches her and basically admits how he really felt bad. And then maybe makeup smut and fluff. 👍bye, happy Sunday💕

A/N: Changed it a bit, i hope it's alright! So far, this is the longest out of anything I've ever written. My first attempt at smut! This took me almost five hours to write 😭

wc: 3.4k

Info: angst, age gap, unprotected sex, oral male receiving, masturbation, read with caution

More Than Words.

Y/N loved Timothée more than anything in the world. Timothée was ten years older than her, but it didn't matter to her. The two were paired in a movie and sparks flew almost instantly. At first, Timothée was hesitant to pursue her, being older than her and all. But Y/N proved that age wasn't an issue between them, since they were both consenting adults, nothing was wrong with what they had. But being in his late thirties made him feel like he was using her. Timothée felt like he was manipulating her into being in a relationship with him. Y/N was all that he could ever want, but in the back of his mind, it felt too good to be true.

“Y/N, I don't want to do this anymore.” Timothée blurted out. He had taken Y/N to dinner at a fancy restaurant where there were a lot of people dining. 

Y/N stared at him, “What do you mean, love?”

“I want to break up, I want to end this.” Timothée said flatly, though it was more like he was trying to be intimidating—which he knew wouldn't work with her. 

Y/N was glaring at him, her (y/e/c) eyes were darkening at the sight of him, which made him feel genuinely scared of the younger woman in front of him.

“You took me out to a fancy place,” she said, looking around. “A very public place. Where I'm not allowed to scream at you without looking like a crazy bitch.” 

Timothée winced and looked down, reaching for the glass of red wine that was in front of him and drinking all of it in one go.

“You're smart, for taking me to a crowded place.” Y/N continued, her voice low, “I applaud you for that.”

“Y/N I—"

“I'm not stupid, Timothée,”Y/N snapped at him. “I know what you're doing, you fucker.”

“You're very young, younger than me . . . and . . .”

Y/N's eyes flashed dangerously, and Timothée knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing. 

“I'm going fucking punch your pretty face if you finish that motherfucking sentence.” Y/N growled. He believed her. Y/N L/N wasn't one to threaten a person, but when she did, she would absolutely hurt you. Timothée swallowed hard at the sight of the furious woman in front of him, who looked extremely sexy and made him want to kiss her hard and run his fingers in her long hair. 

Timothée did his best to look intimidating again, but he knew that it was pointless because this woman—who he dated for a year—knew him better than anyone else.  “Y/N, I don't want-” 

“You don't get to break up with me, Timothée Hal Chalamet.” Y/n shook her head defiantly. “You're not too old for me, you fucking shit! How many times have I told you-”

“I'm trying to do the right thing.” 

“Fuck that right thing bullshit, Timothée! We've been dating for almost a year and I've told you countless times, I don't care that you're older than me! I love you for you, not because of your age.” 

Timothée looked around, thankful that no one was paying them any attention. Still, a public display wasn't something that would do their careers good. Y/N being in love with her career, and living her dream. He wasn't going to let her throw her career away—her anger could be explosive, and that wasn't good if this conversation went south. He called the waiter and practically threw money at him, before grabbing Y/N's hand and pulling her out the establishment.

As soon as the two reached his car, he opened the door for the glaring woman. Timothée got in his car and drove back to Y/N's apartment. Once they arrived at her cozy apartment, Y/N had her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at him and waiting for him to explain. 

“I-uh-you're amazing, Y/N, really,” Timothée started, shifting slightly under her intense gaze, “But you deserve . . . you deserve—”

Y/N scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Someone younger? Someone more handsome? Someone who's not as thin as a stick?” 

“Yes! But hey! I am not as thin as a stick, thank you very much!” 

“I don't fucking care, Tim! I want you. I love you. Only you. Please don't do this.” 

“You deserve-”

Y/N closed the space between them and cupped his face, “I don't care what I deserve! I chose you, I made my goddamn choice to be with you, to be yours!” 

“No. No. You shouldn't have picked me, I don't deserve you. You're young, beautiful, and incredibly sexy which makes this so much harder.” Timothée insisted, gently removing her soft hands away from his face. He wanted nothing more than to pin her against the wall and fuck her senseless, but he didn't want to use her. This was already hard enough. Saying no to her took everything, and it was killing him to push her away. “You just don't know any better because we jumped right into this too fast, I manipulated you into this.” 

“What? You didn't fucking manipulate me Tim-”

“Yes, I did!” Timothée yelled, running his hands into his hair, “I manipulated you into being in a relationship with me! You didn't know any better!”

“Are you calling me stupid, Timothée Hal!?” Y/N snapped, “I chose to be with you-” 

“Maybe you are stupid! Stupid enough to fall for my bullshit!” 

“Timothée-” 

“You shouldn't have chosen me, hell,  we shouldn't have been together in the first place!” Timothée yelled, “I'm fucking thirty-eight, Y/N I'm two years closer to forty! And you're twenty fucking eight! Ten motherfuckimg years younger than me!”

“Tim, are you even hearing yourself!?” Y/N yelled back, poking his chest,  “You're fucking drowning in your insecurities!” 

Timothée looked straight into the eyes of the beautiful woman in front of him, “I just want you to be with someone who's better than me.” Timothée mumbled softly, nearly whispering as he looked down at his feet. He winced when she placed her hands on either side of his face. 

Y/N scoffed loudly. “Oh, please. You keep on thinking that you're not worthy, but you are. You are fucking worth it, worth all of the fucking things in this world.” She titled his head using her finger, making him face him. “I love you, Tim. I love you more than anything in this world. You aren't just some older guy,” Timothée winced when she said older guy, but she just chuckled, “You're mine.”

Timothée gazed into her eyes, seeing the soft look of love in them which made it much more difficult to leave her.

“You don't deserve an old man like me.” Timothée mumbled, averting his gaze away from her. 

Y/N stepped back, before sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose, “So you think just because you're older, I don't deserve you? You're going to just toss me to the side? Make it better for the both of us?” 

“Was hoping to.” Timothée mumbled. 

Y/N glared at him again. He was really pushing her buttons. She didn't give a damn that he was older, yet here he was, making a big deal of it like an idiot.

“You're a fucking idiot.” 

“I know, I'm an idiot for forcing you to be with me.” 

“If you say that you forced me, manipulated me, one more time, I swear to God I'm going to fucking break your jaw.” Y/N snapped, throwing him a threatening glare. Timothée fell silent, staring at her as the silence painfully wrapped them both. He was waiting for her to cry and hurt him, throw things at him, call him an asshole and slap him across the face, or literally anything. He was waiting for her to kick him out for breaking her heart or tell him she didn't even love him—even if it was a lie—anything. But she stood there, glossy eyed and fighting back tears. 

“Y/N, I-” 

“No. You're stuck with me, Timothée. I'm not going anywhere.”

Timothée sighed, this woman was going to be the death of him. She was absolutely stubborn, and could be a pain in the ass if she wanted to. “Y/N, you're being stubborn, love.” 

“Did I fucking stutter?” Y/N hissed, “I'm not going anywhere.” She enunciated each word as if he was a little kid or as if he was stupid. Maybe he was stupid. 

Timothée groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Y/N, please don't make this any more harder—”

“No.” Y/N outright refused. “Haven't you met me? I'm not letting you go just because you're insecure. I'm stubborn? Hell yes, I fucking am.”

Timothée mentally kicked himself. He should have expected it when she refused to let him break up with her, he knew she wouldn't go down without a fight, and nothing will be easy with this stubborn woman—his stubborn woman. Timothée shut his eyes tightly; just looking at her, fighting for him, was painful. “Y/N,you don't know . . . you don't know what you're saying.”

Suddenly, Y/N crashed her lips into his, taking him off-guard. Timothée shut his eyes tight as he felt his knees buckle at the touch of her lips. Her fingers weaved through his curls, making him moan. Before he had the chance to think, he had his fingers buried in her long hair as he pushed his tongue inside her mouth, taking dominance. She tasted like heaven and sin, he was addicted. 

Y/N moaned, the sound of her moans made him crazy, making his already throbbing cock painfully twitch inside of his jeans. It was usually him taking dominance, and she loved it. But now, it was Y/N taking charge as she shoved him against the door, and he loved it. His hands went down to her ass, taking in handfuls of it. How he wanted to rip the dress off her and just devour her. Her lips felt like drugs, pulling him in deep every time. And then he finally realized what his intentions really were. He practically threw her off of him, feeling guilty when she yelped because she fell onto the floor.

“I'm sorry. I . . . I have to go,” Timothée said in a panic and ran out of her apartment, with Y/N trailing behind him. 

“Tim! Please, don't leave me….” Y/N called out to him from the doorway, tears in her eyes. He turned back and watched the tears stream down her cheeks. Timothée felt his heart break, he was being an dick to the woman he loved. Even if it was cowardice, he turned his back on her and walked away. 

Y/N felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. The man she loved, the man she wanted to grow old with, left and broke her heart. She wanted to scream and shout, she wanted to trash her apartment in rage and heartbreak. How was she supposed to live without him? Her other half? Y/N fell onto her knees and cried her heart out. 

An hour later she tried calling him, but he wasn't answering. She tried leaving voice messages, begging him to think about it and come back to her. She cursed him, yelled, cried, for hours until her body gave out and finally passed out.

A week later, Y/N was still crying her heart out. She was still leaving Timothée messages, still begging him to come back. But still, he wasn't answering. Her friends were getting worried, leaving her texts and calls as well, but she didn't answer any of her friends' calls and texts. 

Meanwhile, Timothée was drinking his guilt away. He kept on repeating each and every one of Y/N's voice messages. Hearing her cry and begging for him to come back made his insides twist, but he just wished that she'd forget about him and move on. But there was a part of him that hated himself for breaking her heart and wanted nothing more than to rush back to her place and kiss her, hug her, apologize for being such a dick. He would be lying to himself if he said that he didn't want to be with her. He wanted to marry her, have a family with her. But his insecurities got the best of  him. The past year of being in a relationship with her was the best year of his life. He missed her terribly, but he fucked it all up. 

Timothée sighed, before lowering his boxers. He stroked his throbbing length as he moaned her name. 

“Oh fuck, Y/N, oh baby.” he moaned as he moved his hand up and down his cock, quickening his pace as he relived the memory of fucking her against the balcony of his home. Her body, he wanted to worship her again. Timothée wanted to suck on her breasts as he traced every curve of her perfect body. He thrust his cock in his hand, grunting when he wasn't satisfied. Timothée wanted to drive back to Y/N's place so bad, he wanted her tight pussy to clench around his cock and fuck ber until she was screaming his name and came around him. He would just have to settle for his hands for the time being then. He got his phone from his nightstand and opened his gallery. He clicked open his private album of photos of her that he had taken while and after they had sex. He settled on one where her breasts and face were covered in his cum. 

“Oh, Y/N, fuck!” he moaned as he came, the sticky substance covering his hands. 

Another week later, he couldn't take it anymore. He missed her badly. He missed her smiles, her laugh, her sass, her care, her love, he missed her. Not having her body, not hearing her moans, not having her pussy clench against his cock, made him crazy. Timothée buried his face in his pillow, two weeks without her was absolutely killing him. But his pride was making it harder than it already was.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. He got up, silently cursing whoever was knocking on his door at this hour. It was fucking midnight, and he wasnt't expecting anyone. He opened the door and his breath caught in his throat. 

“Hi.” Y/N's soft voice echoed in his ears. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her hair was a mess. She was wearing sweatpants and a shirt two sizes larger. “Can I come in? Or should…..should I just go?”

“Uh, yeah. Come in.” Timothée opened the door wider and stepped aside to make way. “How…how are you?” he asked, scratching the back of his head. 

“Shitty. Absolutely shitty.” Y/N muttered as she made her way to his living room. “You?” 

Timothée stiffened, should he admit that he missed her so bad and was an absolute dickhead for everything? He stared at her, she looked miserable. She looked thinner since two weeks ago, her eyes were dull and practically lifeless. Timothée felt his heart break even more, the woman he loved was miserable because of him. 

“It's bullshit.” 

Y/N smirked at him, “Easier, huh?” 

Timothée chuckled nervously, “Nope, it isn't.” The two of them locked eyes, and before they knew it, they were kissing each other with the passion that burned inside of them. His fingers ran through her hair as his tongue entered her mouth, savoring the addicting taste of her. Y/N pulled away, which made him whine at the feeling.  

“What are we, Tim? I can't do this if you won't give me a proper answer.” Y/N whispered, her gaze slowly going down. 

Timothée tilted her head up, “I'm sorry for being an idiot.” 

“You're my idiot.” Y/N chuckled softly, “Are we okay again?” she asked hesitantly. Instead of answering her, he crushed his lips against hers. “Mine.” he moaned into the kiss. 

“Yours, forever yours.” 

Timothée picked her up, lips still locked together, her legs wrapping around his waist. He brought her up to his room and placed her gently on the bed. 

“I love you, I love you so fucking much, Y/N.” 

“I love you, Timmy. More than anything.” Timothée took off his shirt before pressing his lips back on hers, parting her lips with his tongue. He sucked on her tongue, savoring the sweet taste of her. Y/N bit on his lower lip, that made him moan into the miss. His hands trailed over her body while she pulled on his hair, whimpering at his touch. 

Timothée pulled away, tugging on her shirt, taking it off of her. He unclasped her lacy red bra with ease, taking off the offending fabric off of her chest.

“I missed these.” Y/N moaned as Timothée sucked on one of her breasts while her hands made their way to the waistband of his shorts, tugging them down along with his boxers. His cock was hard and throbbing as it sprung free.

“I still get surprised with how big you are.” Y/N chuckled, kitten licking the tip of his cock.

“Don't tease, princess.” Timothée whined. Y/N licked the tip one last time before bobbing up and down, taking his length in her mouth. 

“Merde! Princess, fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good.” he moaned, thrusting his hips forward making Y/N gag, drool dripping from the side of her mouth. She cupped his balls, sucking him harder and faster. 

“Oh, fuck, I-I'm g-gonna cum!” Timothée moaned as he released in her mouth. Y/N sucked hard, making sure to take every last drop of his cum. 

“Good girl. Now, on your back, princess.” he demanded, his voice husky. He slid her sweatpants down, taking her panties along with it. He slipped two fingers inside of her, making her whimper. He watched her as he moved his fingers in and out her, grinning when she gasped when he rubbed his thumb over her clit. “You like that, don't you, princess?” he whispered in her ear. “So wet for me, eager for my cock, aren't you?” 

“Yes, oh, f-fuck! Right there!” When he felt her walls beginning to clench around his fingers, he smirked and removed them, making her whine at the empty feeling. “Please, Tim, d-don't tease!” 

“What do you want, princess? You want my cock, huh, princess? Beg for it.” Timothée whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. 

“Please, Timmy, I want you, I need you! Fill me up with your cum until my knees give out!” Y/N begged, rubbing her thighs together to temporarily ease her desire. 

Timothée lined his cock up to her entrance, pushing in slow and deep, making her hiss. “So tight, fuck.” he groaned as thrust in and out of her at a slow pace, letting her adjust. He savored the feeling of being inside of her, her walls delectably suffocating his cock. He briefly pulled out of her only to thrust back in hard and deep, Y/N moaned loudly. “Fuck, harder! Please!” 

Timothée growled loudly and withdrew again, plunging back into her and hard and deep. “Mine,” he said in a gasping breath as he quickened his pace, Y/N's arms wrapping around him, her nails digging on his skin. Timothée gripped her hips, thrusting in and out rhythmically.

 “All yours, forever yours, only yours.” Y/N moaned. Timothée panted against her skin, growling and sucking at breasts. 

“I'm g-gonna cum!” Y/N whimpered, her nails digging deeper into his skin. 

“Cum for me, princess. Come around my cock. Gonna cum too, fuck!” 

“Oh fuck!” Y/N cried out, her arms and legs wrapping around him and gripping him tightly as she came hard around him. Timothée grunted as he spilled inside of her, “Fuck, I love you.” he whispered in her ear as he collapsed on top of her, kissing her neck up to her lips.

“I love you more.” Y/N chuckled tiredly. Timothée flipped her over so she was laying on top of him. He kissed the top of her head as she snuggled on his chest.

He missed her so much, and Timothée vowed never to let go of his woman ever again. 

“I love you, more than words can ever describe.”

@helens3amstuff @lovemelikecrazyiloveyoucrazy @gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @bobthe-turmpetman29

#timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet #timmy #timmy chalamet #timothee #lil timmy tim #timothée chalamalabingbong #timothée chalamet imagine #timothee x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothée chamalet #timothee fanfic #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee x you #timothee chalamet x you #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee x y/n #timothée chalamet x you #timothée chalamet fanfiction #timothée fanfic #timothée x reader #timothée chalamet fanfic #insert reader #reader insert #timothee chalamet fic #fanfiction #fanfic #smut #timothee smut #timothée chalamet smut

[rifualk]

On Mental Health and Cosmic Embarrassment

I don't usually make a post in the aftermath of one of my spirals, so I bet most people see some of the vent posts I make, and assume I am just off my meds or something. I am on them but I might not be on the right ones. This is a thing that happens to me sometimes. I have psychotic episodes, where it feels like the things I am saying are completely inconsequential and I genuinely believe no one cares what I'm saying or, worst of all, that it cannot scare anyone that cares about me. I get too tired to fight my intrusive thoughts and I just ride them out. Most of my thoughts are not ones I enjoy having. I have trouble parsing what is real sometimes. For most of my life, out of a kind of primal shame and terror of being perceived or judged, I beat myself into believing that I just roleplayed as a crazy person online because I wanted attention for it, but it finally clicked for me at some point in my 20s that I was, and am, genuinely very mentally ill, maybe in ways that make me not-entirely-functional in the culture I inhabit. Also, I want attention for it.

Life is very embarrassing. I think embarrassment, shame, et al. is probably the most cosmic feeling of them all, because being embarrassed, for me anyway, leads invariably to my OCD extrapolating the embarrassment, no matter how slight, into its natural extreme, becoming a full-blown existential meltdown and often manifesting in some self-punishment. Or a lot of self-punishment. Instead of saying "everyone wants attention, it's not a big deal", my brain will overwhelm me with shame and make me vow to be quieter about the whole thing next time. Good emotions are meant to be expressed, I tell myself, and Bad ones are not. I think it's very unhealthy for people to not express their negative emotions openly. Or maybe I'm psychotic. I mean, I am psychotic. But maybe right now, too.

Ultimately this feeling peaks with the realization - again - that I'm a eukaryote. I live on a spinning ball of stardust in the aftermath of what had to have been a colossal disaster and waste of time. But it happened, and so now there's a bunch of stuff floating around, and some of that stuff started moving for reasons I don't personally understand and the implications of which scare me. And the moving stuff that moved faster got to stay moving longer. And so a chain reaction escalated, and eventually there were very large moving things whose survival adaptations had evolved in such a way that they could conceptualize and communicate complex information about the world around them, but they were also able to conceptualize themselves. This gave them a lot of grief. They wanted very badly for there to be an answer to why they were able to do that. Surely it served some purpose. But we never found one, and here we are.

I don't have a god to turn to. I have tried - earnestly, sincerely, and desperately - to reach out; I never hear back. I don't want to be an atheist, it's heartbreaking. Honestly. I want someone to be up there, or out there. Knowing there isn't, is just... cruel. It's horrifying and it wrenches my heart. Look at us, look how much we're suffering, where the fuck did you go, what the fuck is your problem? Help us!

In spite of everything, I am still not sure what I believe.

Don't you ever just cry about the world? Like, broadly? Don't you ever just have to take off your glasses and wipe the brine from them because you caught a glimpse of what people, as a species, could be capable of? And I get angry at myself, too. What am I doing about it? What even can I do? I can barely hold down a job. I am barely an adult. I am often mired in this feeling. It permeates everything. I'm living in a tragedy - not just my own, but millions and millions of others'. This is a nightmare. It's a nightmare and I'm an embarrassment, and my brain doesn't work right, and I'm living in a terrible reality that is shared by everyone, and yet somehow equally isolating and alienating to all of us. Does it have to be that way? Aren't we all lonely?

When I am spiraling I really do think that the end is near, either for me, or for everyone, or for both. To be fair, my confidence about humanity's future is not promising even when I am at my most sane. But in this kind of emotional place, the stakes are too high for me to care that what I say might come off as upsetting. It is completely overwhelming. I see my life up to this point, and I see how long I've been alive and realize I'm very Not Normal and I look and sound different than everyone around me and I'm an embarrassment. It's embarrassing to exist. It's embarrassing to be transgender, too. It's really, really embarrassing to be mentally ill and fully aware of it all the time. It's shameful. I am ashamed of how my family likely sees me. How my peers see me. I'm just a walking disaster. I feel like this bars me from leading a happy life or finding some success in art - It doesn't seem like you're allowed to be quite this much of a problem and "get away with it", does it? There's a bit of social sanitizing at work there - you are only allowed to be a certain level of messed up and if you pass that you're sort of a pariah. I don't think I've ever done anything pariah-worthy, but I can only see things from the inside of my own head, and there's a lot of unwanted noise in here.

I painted this when I lived in Oregon. I don't know how. I could not do art like this again if asked.

I'm not in a good place, generally-speaking. It could be worse - and it was for a long time- but it's still just not great. There are two reasons for this. One is that I'm very homesick. The other is that I found - and subsequently lost - my twin. But I only want to talk about the first reason right now - I grew attached to the Pacific Northwest in a way I've never really grown attached to any other place. It had a quality that exists nowhere else. It resonated with me immediately and I knew right away from the moment I first set foot there that it was my home. I grew to be a part of it, and it's the only place I felt I somewhat-belonged... I have been away from Oregon for 2 whole years as of next month. I feel like I'm a fish out of water, or a sapling in the wrong soil. I can't and won't say that the place I live currently is a bad place, but it isn't my place, and the disconnect has been maybe the nastiest shock to my system in all my life. Finding the place I loved, and living for over 12 years there, only to be wrenched away from it so suddenly, left a shock on me that I think has yet to surface in my work. I'm excited to see what form it takes when it does. Location is very important to my mental wellbeing, more than I think it is for most people. Maybe I am a plant. It's also very important for my art. I've struggled to find inspiration since I moved here. That said, I've had the very precious opportunity to just work on myself - on my transition, as well as my personal issues. I think I'm getting better, gradually, in some way. I have a job now, at least. So it's not entirely bad. I even grew sunflowers last summer.

Around this time I got banned from twitter, but I don't feel any shame about the reason why because I believe in my message. But it forced me to be a lot less active online for a long time. It also made me lose a lot of support. That's been something I've grappled with a lot these last 2 years - that people really don't like people like me, for reasons that are mostly not our fault. I will likely always be something of an outsider for being who I am now, but I was one before anyway. It's still worth it. I like the person I'm becoming. I feel like only recently did I allow myself to feel this self-love. I was too embarrassed of myself. It took a lot of patience and a lot of de-tangling my self-worth from a lot of trauma. So it's likely I would have needed to go through all of this regardless of where I was.

I still slip up. It's an uphill climb and it's slippery. I like to be transparent about these things. It's a relief - feeling like I need to hide things is my default state and it's lovely to just let go of stuff so I don't need to keep it in my head all the time. I have a lot of hangups still. I get discouraged about my art still - I fear I'll never build myself back up to where I was before, and that there will never be a time when I can really pay the bills with it. Or worse-still, that it just isn't special enough to last. That it isn't remarkable enough to survive after I'm gone. But I think a lot of people who make stuff feel that way, and it's not our fault. There's some relief in that. I'm happy to have even a few people that care about me and my work, and something I've been trying really hard to remember in recent years is to take time to appreciate them. I'm not actually alone. I have a lot of people that love me. I'm not an outsider. I'm very lucky to know the people I do, and I hold a deep regret for all the connections I've let go of because I was just too sick. Deep down I really do wish I could love everyone. I have no ill will towards anyone, not really.

I still don't know what I'm doing. I am just doing my best, I think. I'm really, really tired. I don't want to get any older. I'm scared of the passage of time. My memory is so bad, it feels like time is taken from me without me realizing. I am 33 years old. I do not have 33 years worth of memories. There are huge leaps. Gaps where suddenly I was just older and in more pain. Being adrift in time like this is horrific - one day I will blink, and the present moment may be completely forgotten. It can't go this fast. It just can't. Something has to be wrong. I don't want to die, I don't want to miss out on so much life or be unable to remember it. I don't want to find myself on my deathbed someday way sooner than I think and be unable to string together any kind of coherent thread from my memories. What is it all for? It has to mean something right? Why am I doing anything?

I think I finally understand that love is why. I don't know much more than that. Love is real, and it's the answer. If you find love, don't take it for granted, ever. No love is perfect. Take it with all its flaws. You don't have time to bargain with it. Love like you'll never love again, love like it's your last day alive, love like it will keep you alive forever, because it will. Every year closer to death you get, you will feel the regret of all the times you did not follow your heart. Life is short. I'm finding this out entirely too late. It goes by so fast, and what you have at the end are people and memories of being loved. To be loved is to live forever. It's the thing that connects us to everything else. It's the source and the answer to everything. It makes more sense the older I get. It used to sound cheesy, but I believe it with more sincerity every day.

I kept my last promise to you - there are no new scars on my arms, or bruises on my head or face.

#mental health posting #is there a better tag for that

[willsimpforanyone]

nico x nb or female reader smut... please :(( i can't find any anywhere and i love your connor stuff i've read them like a 100 times :(((

i'm so glad u like my connor stuff! he's a lot more popular than i realised he was lmao

this is nico with a nonbinary reader, obviously both of them are adults because they have their own flat and i'm literally jealous

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Nico's hair has grown longer, I think to myself. Black and very slightly curly, spreading out over the pillow and easily within reach.

Far, far too tempting.

Cautiously, I reach my hand over the pillow and slip my fingers through his strands. They're silky-soft, and I twist some of it round my finger, smiling softly.

I keep going, combing through more and more of his hair until I'm gently scraping my nails over his scalp and untangling knots as carefully as I can. I'm so absorbed in my task that I don't notice a pair of dark eyes sleepily blinking open, black eyelashes fluttering at the feeling of his hair being played with.

"What're you doing?"

I have a small heart attack, instinctively smacking Nico on the shoulder in surprise. "Jesus- Nico! What the fuck?"

He laughs quietly, rubbing his shoulder where I hit him. "I literally just woke up, what is your problem?"

"You scared me!" I hiss, low and slightly raspy. "I didn't know you were awake."

He laughs again, reaching out and pawing at my hips, pulling me closer under the bedsheets. Nose to nose now, he blinks at me sleepily. "You didn't answer my question," he murmurs. "What were you doing?"

Slightly shy, I flush pink and reach one hand up to move some hair out his eyes. "I may," I whisper. "Have been playing with your hair."

"You don't sound very certain," Nico smirks, thumb absently rubbing circles up and down my ribs. I roll my eyes but grin, continuing to stroke his hair.

"It was just so pretty," I mumble, half hiding my face in the pillow. "You're a pretty guy with pretty hair, sue me."

He laughs quietly, leaning over and kissing my quickly. "I'm pretty, huh?"

"Oh, shut up." I hide my face in his neck this time, playfully tugging at the hair at the base of his head in retaliation. I freeze as I feel his breath hitch, and a wicked smile spreads over my lips.

I repeat the action, a little harder this time, and from Nico's throat crawls a moan that he clearly tried to stifle.

"Oh, that's interesting..." Three times the charm, just to check...

Pulling my head back from the crook of his neck, I look into his eyes, tugging his hair again and seeing his pale skin flare pink as he bites his lip, eyes darting anywhere but mine. Gently, I ease one of my legs between his, my hands running down his body to bring his hips closer to mine.

"Baby?" I whisper, smile playing at my lips. "Is this what you want?"

He flushes brighter, grumbling out his words. "...well I didn't know it was until about four seconds ago."

God, his voice is still sleepy and low, defenses down in this bubble of morning light and sheets and skin.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes." I dip my head back into his neck, this time deliberately to press my lips along his skin. One hand sneaks back up into his hair, tangling my fingers into his long black locks.

I lightly suck at the point just below his ear, pulling gently at his hair, and Nico jerks his hips forward, a soft gasp breathed into my ear.

"That's it," I hum against his neck, tongue darting out and over his earlobe. "Keep going, sweetheart."

With the little encouragement, Nico's hands curl around my hips, slowly starting to grind himself against my thigh. His movements are slightly unsure, but I can feel his heartbeat pounding under my lips and I smile.

My fingers thread through his hair, sending shivers down his spine. I can hear him panting slightly in my ear and I feel heat simmering deliciously under my skin. I murmur soft encouragements into his ear, rocking my hips against him and feeling his cock twitch to life in his pyjama pants.

Mouth watering, I suck the faintest marks into the side of his throat. I manipulate his head, using his hair to pull his head back so I can lave over more of his skin. He gasps loudly as his head is forced back, hips sputtering against me and fingers digging into the flesh at my waist.

"Good?" I ask softly, words breathed into his ear.

Nodding, Nico stammers out a 'y-y-es-' in the softest, sweetest voice I've ever heard from him. Evidently, sleepy Nico is okay with showing some vulnerability. It's painfully adorable and I coo softly in his ear.

"Use my thigh, baby, you look so pretty like this." I scrape my nails over his scalp, loving the low moan that spills from his lips.

His hips get steadily faster, rutting firmly against my leg as he pants, squeezing his eyes shut. My hand grips at his hair, pulling his head further back so my lips can trail under his chin and over the other side of his neck, whispering praise and endearments into his skin.

His breath hitches as I roll us slightly so I'm on top of him, kneeling with one leg still between his, pushing firmly against his cock as he keeps grinding against me.

He looks like a vision, pale cheeks blushing red, soft lips parted and brow slightly furrowed with his eyes firmly closed, so focused on the feeling of pleasure building up low in his stomach. I press my lips against his, capturing him in a firm kiss just because he looks so gorgeous.

"Look at you, so needy," I tease, ghosting the words over his lips. Nico whines, digging his nails into my waist in protest. I laugh lightly. "Okay, okay, not at all needy, this is a perfectly reasonable reaction to having your hair pulled."

He opens his eyes to scowl up at me, and for a split second I remember that this is the son of Hades I have underneath me.

"Got it, I'll shut up."

One hand still firmly in his hair, I use my other hand to hold his hips, helping him ride my thigh. I glance down to see a damp patch on Nico's pyjama pants, precum staining the fabric and I have to swallow down the sudden flood of saliva that fills my mouth. Later, definitely later.

His hips start rocking faster and harder, stomach muscles tensing and I curl my fingers in his hair, experimentally yanking harder than i have before.

"F-fuck-!" Nico swears loudly, head flying back with his back arching slightly, rutting his cock hard against my leg, the material of his pants providing delicious friction. "Mm- I'm gonna... gods above, yes..."

It takes a well-timed yank and a few more thrusts to my leg to have him coming in his pants, warmth and wetness spreading through the material and soaking my leg. He gasps, one hand slapping over his mouth to muffle his noises, the other wrapping around my arm and gripping tightly.

I let him keep using me, grinding against my leg until he's finished. I duck my head to litter soft, warm kisses over his face, smiling and incredibly pleased with myself.

"You okay, Neeks?" I murmur, brushing my lips over his nose.

It takes a moment for his muscles to stop spasming and his breathing to even out, but eventually Nico moves his hand away from his mouth to reveal a small smile.

"Uh huh," he sighs, blinking up at me in a post-orgasm haze. "'m good, very good."

Releasing his hair from my grip, I stroke over his cheek and kiss him sweetly. "Good. Might want to get changed."

Looking down, he groans at the rapidly cooling, cum-stained pyjamas he's now wearing. "Ugh, gross." He looks up at me, grinning sleepily. "You're getting me new pyjamas, by the way. Off you go, the closet is there. You turn me on, you get me off, you deal with the consequences."

I roll my eyes but grin in return, reluctantly leaving the warm bed for the closet. "You're so lucky I love you."

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was this good? did i write a good smut? i haven't written in so long i don't know if this is good. anyway, thank you for requesting, i hope you enjoyed!

#nico di angelo x reader #nico di angelo imagines #nico di angelo smut #nonbinary!reader #nico x nonbinary!reader #nico x reader