Tumgik
#i've been in such a mood lately and i feel kinda bad but i just want to get this off of my chest
orcelito · 1 year
Text
Probably am not gonna attend lab in the morning, bc I have complete certainty that if I do, I am going to have a complete mental breakdown (as if I haven't already been in the midst of one)
I'll email my professor if I'm unable to finish the lab by the end of the day. He's pretty understanding about this stuff, & if I get some points docked for being late, it's not the end of the world. I've been doing well in this class, overall.
What I AM going to do. Is call the damn psychological services in the morning. Bc Clearly, I am not coping well.
#speculation nation#i laid down to sleep 2 hours ago. to no one's surprise i am still awake.#i need smth stronger than melatonin. i need horse tranquilizers.#i keep thinking like 'oh i feel relatively okay. i'm probably just being dramatic'#but then i think about the stressors and it's like a record-scratch in my brain.#and regardless of how i'm doing overall. or rather how i Think i'm doing. this night still happened.#i regressed Undeniably and this is a clear sign that i need some fucking help#if for nothing else than like. mood stabilizers or whatever lmfao.#i'm trying to think about what actually happened. what Led to this. but i'm struggling to conceptualize it.#i left work. had a brief sit out in the sun. read some fanfic.#then I went home and just... something in my brain went wrong.#combination lab stress and stress over my other class And also the horrid state of my apartment rn#that's... probably part of it... or a lot of it really...#my brain went numb. a record scratch. and i was unable to go to my default coping strategy bc of the meeting and lab#and... yeah. muscle memory i guess. and a strange sense of brain fog. it just kinda happened.#i've been drinking more lately. not enough to impact my health. and i wouldnt say i'm addicted.#i never drink more than one or two drinks at a time. Maybe 3. just enough to get a pleasant tipsy going#but it's like an itch. the moment im feeling bad. stressful day at work. low mood. Whatever#i want to drink. both as a form of self harm and as a form of brain numbing. stabilizing my mood.#ah. that's the central thing here huh. i guess i really do need help.#sorry for hashing through it here. it's just almost 2 am and i dont rly wanna talk to anyone anyways.#just. tonight is just. the longest weariest sigh imaginable.#negative/#self harm ment/#alcohol ment/#i dont want to talk about specifics about what happened bc i dont want people to try to tell me what to do#and i know they would. they always do. Always saying just 'dont do that' instead of considering why i do#better to just do as i will and not mention it. bc in the end no one can fucking stop me.#... but it would probably be good to talk to someone who could help me balance it. give me better ways to cope i guess#i dont know. it's complicated. i just feel a weird sense of dread when someone expresses worry. i dont like it.
0 notes
lunarhoneybunny · 5 months
Text
hohohohahaa
0 notes
blitzyn · 5 months
Text
relax
Tumblr media
alhaitham x m!reader
Request: well, since requests are open, perhaps I could request an alhaitham X male s/o where s/o has been really stressed lately with school and has been overworking himself. Because of this, alhaitham being the caring boyfriend he is comes to comfort and relax his beloved s/o with sex and aftercare. If possible, pls let alhaitham call his s/o a 'good boy' and just a praise kink in general, tysm!! 💕 — @ezraelo
a/n -> this mf reminds me of my dad so i kinda wrote what I think he'd say if i was in reader's situation tbh. NOT THE SEX THOUGH. anyways pgr fic first then hate sex w/childe next its been decades since I've done him (⁠。⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠。⁠) sigh sometimes i forget i don’t have to write so damn much
wc -> 3.6k
cw -> soft alhaitham (heart eyes pt2), anal fingering, anal sex, praise, not beta read
merry christmas and happy holidays!!
Tumblr media
To say you were tired was an understatement—you were exhausted. Stressed. Angry. It felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
First, you accidentally woke up late, was scolded by your teacher when you arrived and made the "perfect" example on what a scholar from the Akademiya should not be. Then you had to study for several hours for a few of your upcoming exams and evaluations—all while having to take some more tests the following week.
And as if that wasn't e-fucking-nough, you had done horribly on one of your essays so now you had to redo it for a better score, on top of needing to start yet another one regarding... Something. You forgot what the prompt was. Honestly, you forgot to do a lot of things. Like eat. Or drink water. Which was something that really didn't help to improve your mood.
You stumbled through the door trying to pry your uniform off, haphazardly tossing your hat to the side. You felt like shit and wanted nothing more than to flop on your bed and stay in there for the rest of your miserable life. But, like the universe was trying to give you the biggest middle finger ever, one of the loops on your clothes got caught on the corner of a counter. While you'd normally just take it off and go on your merry way, you weren't having it today and just yanked yourself forward, tearing the loop and the fabric it was connected to.
Finally making it to your room, you flopped on the bed face-first, muffling the loud groan that came from you. You stayed like that for a moment longer before turning your head, remembering to breathe deeply.
Two knocks came from the door. "You okay?" Your boyfriend, Alhaitham, asked, leaning against the frame as he stared at you.
"You're smart. Figure it out yourself," you muttered bitterly, wincing at the accusatory tone in your voice. You sighed, deciding to face him. "Sorry."
He shrugged, walking to sit on the edge of your shared bed. "What's wrong?" He questioned, his expression unchanging even when he watched your brows furrow in irritation.
"It's just... Ugh," you grumbled, rolling your eyes childishly. "Just a bad week. It feels like everything's going against me." You rolled onto your back, arms and legs sprawled out like a starfish. "I don't think I can catch up."
"You're in the Akademiya," Alhaitham said, giving you a look that made it seem like he didn't know why you were complaining. "Obviously it's going to be hard for you."
"'For you,'" you repeated, glaring at nothing in particular, but it was getting increasingly evident that you were beginning to direct your anger towards him. "Of course you don't get it. You've been smart your whole life."
He was quiet for a moment, letting you try to calm yourself before speaking again. "Don't sell yourself short like that. It's unhealthy."
You huffed. "It's not selling myself short if it's actually true." You pressed your palms against your eyes until you saw faint fireworks coloring the darkness. "I have to redo an essay because apparently it didn't go with damn prompt. Then I have to do another one, and I don't even know where to start, and—" you listed off your problems, your voice getting higher in pitch until you were on the verge of shedding tears, overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work you accidentally accumulated.
"Hey," he interrupted you, leaning to place a hand on your thigh. "Calm down." He gave you an unimpressed look when you snapped your mouth open to retort, watching you begrudgingly close it in defeat. "Breathe. You're getting worked up over things you can change."
But when you could hardly focus on utilizing the breathing techniques he taught you, he decided to take a different approach. "Let's have sex, then."
"What? Why? 'Cause of the post-nut clarity?" You sighed, rubbing your temple to stave off the impending headache after staring at him incredulously. Damn. Sometimes you forget how straightforward he could be.
Alhaitham gave you a look. It was deadpan—because when was it not?—but you could still sense the slightest bit of confusion. "If that's how you want to word it, yes," he said, before elaborating. "Sex can also help you relax and improve your immune system."
He quickly looked you up and down, and despite not saying anything, you knew what he was trying to imply. You looked like a mess.
"It can also help improve your quality of sleep," he added, crossing his arms against his chest. "It has a few other benefits than just feeling good, you know." He watched you ponder his suggestion, chewing on your lip absentmindedly before giving in with a sigh.
"Fine. But you're doing all the work," you said, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him better.
"That was the plan." The corners of his lips quirked up in a brief, subtle smirk as he leaned to place his hands on your shoulders to gently push you back down. "Just relax."
He continued when you nodded, running his hands along your body, gently caressing every curve and contour of your frame. An eyebrow raised in question when he felt the torn patch in your clothes but decided against mentioning it as he guided you out of your suffocating uniform with practiced ease. Already, you seemed a bit calmer than earlier, giving yourself a well-deserved stretch that made you remind him of a cat.
You felt the tension beginning to seep out of your body with every article of clothing that was carelessly tossed to the floor, reaching your hands out to tug him closer. He obliged without hesitation, sighing in satisfaction when he melded his lips with yours. His hands slid below your underclothes, snaking them upwards until they found your chest. He tweaked and pinched your nipples as he moved his way downwards, placing kisses along your jawline and neck.
You softly moaned, brushing your fingers through his hair that had him leaning into your hand. He removed your shirt, trailing appreciative kisses down your sternum. A hand made its way down your front toward your pants, slipping a hand inside to wrap his fingers around your flaccid dick. Your breath hitched, instinctively widening your legs to give him better access, much to his pleasure.
He was gentle; his hands were soft and careful, and neither of you were in a rush. You felt your eyes flutter shut as your lips parted with every quiet gasp and sigh that left you, and he couldn't help but stare.
It annoyed him how little you thought of yourself when he could clearly see you as something more. Sure, it irked him how you complained about things that could easily be changed if you put your effort into it, but you were also right. He always had it academically easy and often found it hard to connect with others or understand their problems on a level that wasn't with you. He was well aware of this issue, knowing that it often hindered his ability to comfort, and—for the first time in how long?—it frustrated him.
Even if he had no idea how to properly soften his words around you or to consistently change his facial expressions, he always showed he cared by spending time with you, teaching you new things, or helping you understand foreign concepts. But even then, he was willing to try to tell you that you were more than what those pompous Akademiya professors reduced you to, that you were better than what you said you were.
"Look at me," he said, his voice soft and smooth, coaxing your pretty eyes open. He slipped his hands out of your shirt and cupped your cheeks tenderly, ensuring your focus on him. "It doesn't matter what everyone says about you when they don't understand that you have strengths that rest beyond the traditional Akademiya expectations."
"But that doesn't—"
He gave you yet another stern look, to which you quieted down with a huff. "It's okay to struggle. Everyone does at some point. Even those professors found something difficult before they became what they are. But you know what they did?"
He paused, gauging your reaction. He was aware that what he was saying probably didn't make you feel better or make the most sense, but he hoped that you could feel the sincerity in his voice. "They took a step back, took a deep breath, and figured out what they were doing wrong. They didn't do that overnight or by working themselves to the bone. That's what you need to acknowledge."
"But all my other colleagues are doing fine, and I'm the only one struggling..." You appreciated his words, truly, but they did little to quell your worries.
"Are you? How do you know that for sure?" He countered, sliding his hands down to caress your hips. He watched you pursed your lips, squirming slightly under his gaze. "Point is, you shouldn't try to compare yourself to everyone around you and overwork yourself because that only leads to bad work and a bigger hole for you to climb out of. You have everything else to be proud of—not just your academic qualities. Understand? Besides, you made it into the Akademiya. That's something very few people can do in the first place."
You looked away with a frown, but you nodded softly. Even though it sucked knowing that you weren't the best, he did have a point. Wallowing in your own failure did nothing to better yourself, as much as you hated to admit it.
"Thanks," you muttered, sniffling a little. His thumbs swiped underneath your eyes, clearing away any of the tears that happened to escape you.
"Don't let them define you. Define yourself," he said finally, leaning back down to kiss you again. It was soft, tender, unhurried, like he wanted you to feel every ounce of affection he harbored for you. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against yours. "Do you still want to do this?"
You nodded again, giving him a quick peck to the lips before wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "Mhm. I really need those benefits." Plus, you didn't favor being horny and sad.
Your lips curved in a smug grin when you saw his own quirk upwards in amusement, but he didn't comment on it. He sat up to tug your pants and underwear down, revealing your semi-hard cock. You shivered instinctively but kept your focus on him, waiting in anticipation for him to continue.
He leaned over to grab a bottle of lube from your nightstand, squeezing a generous amount on his fingers before pressing one into your hole. You sighed, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. He only offered a few pumps of his hand before adding a second one in, gently spreading them apart in a scissoring motion.
He wrapped his free hand around your cock, slowly jerking you off. He rubbed his thumb over the tip to smear the precum across your skin as wet sounds gradually filled the room. You noticed his eyes locked on your face and the expressions you wore, committing them to memory. He added a third finger for good measure, feeling you tense reflexively before relaxing just as fast.
"You're doing so good, [Name]," he praised, his voice low. He curled his fingers, pressing them against your prostate. He could feel his cock twitch in his pants at the sound of your moan, straining against the fabric. "I'm almost done. Then we can start."
You nodded, inhaling sharply through your nose when he began targeting the sensitive spot inside you. You could practically feel every surge of heat shoot up and down your spine, ending at your fingertips. Alhaitham could feel it too, every time your cock throbbed in his hold.
Your body felt warm and tingly when he moved both hands away from your body, wiping them off using a few tissues atop your nightstand. He grabbed the lube again and poured some on his palm to coat his cock, using his free hand to spread one of your thighs a bit wider. He peered up through his lashes, subtly raising an eyebrow in question. He continued as soon as you nodded, slowly pushing himself inside you.
You both let out a satisfied groan as he filled you, grasping onto his wrists as he held onto your hips.
"Fuck," he hissed, pushing further until he bottomed out completely. "You're such a good boy. You're taking me in so well." He perked up in attention when he felt you tighten at his words, noting how your eyes fluttered shut like you were savoring them. He wasn't overly aware of this newfound information, but maybe you had accidentally brought it to his attention now that you're stressed?
Either way, he didn’t comment on it, instead deciding to continue. “You feel so good, [Name]," he praised, leaning down to press his lips against the skin underneath your earlobe. You could feel the low rumble of his voice vibrating in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He let you take a moment to adjust to him before moving, gently thrusting his hips.
You noticed him moving away again as you opened your eyes, finding yourself enamored with the way his muscles flexed in every movement of his. Soft gasps and moans left your lips when you looked up, instantly noticing his gaze on you.
“Stop staring at me,” you mumbled shyly, squirming a bit. It wasn’t that you hated having him look at you—frankly, that’s all you longed for sometimes, it’s just that what you did hit you. Being as vulnerable as you were wasn’t something you preferred, even when Alhaitham didn’t berate you for it.
“You were staring at me, first,” he countered swiftly, and you could hear the rare undertone of his amusement in his voice. It was your favorite sound. “Besides, what’s the harm in looking at the most handsome man in Sumeru?” His monotony nearly made his words laughable, but you could see that he was genuinely trying. Knowing that sent butterflies in your stomach all over again.
You looked away, effectively flustered with all his attention. “It’s embarrassing…”
“Only because you make it embarrassing,” he said, sliding a hand upwards to toy with one of your nipples. He subtly shifted his hips, angling them so that his cock better pressed against your prostate. He watched you intently when you let out a throaty moan, feeling his dick throb inside you.
You reflexively clenched your thighs tighter against his hips, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. You snaked a hand down to your leaking cock, wrapping your fingers around the base to give it a squeeze. “You can go faster,” you muttered, looking down to watch the way he slid in and out of you.
He nodded with a quiet hum, adjusting his grip on your waist to shift the weight on his knees to sacrifice his slower, deeper thrusts for quick and shallow ones. Moaning, you jerked yourself off in time with his movements, unable to tear your gaze away from him, even for a moment. Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you brought your free hand up to bring him closer to you by the back of his head. You kissed him needily and fervently, letting out noises that mixed in with the wet sounds that came from your hole. Your body rocked gently, listening intently to the rustling of your bedsheets and Alhaitham’s deep, husky breaths.
Suddenly, he lifted a hand up to place over your abdomen, lightly pushing down on it just as he buried himself balls deep inside you. He paused for a moment, sighing as he watched you squirm at the sudden stop before continuing, feeling himself move in and out of you. You could feel the heat in your belly intensifying with every thrust to your prostate, back arching, legs tightening around his waist.
“Fuck, I’m…” you panted, clenching tighter around his cock. “I’m so close, ‘Haitham.”
“I know. I can feel you,” he said, gently moving your hand away from your leaking cock to wrap his fingers around it. Quiet slaps mixed in with your soft noises and his breathy grunts as he fucked you a bit harder, eyes fixated on the blissful expression on in your face. His dick throbbed inside you as he eagerly chased after his own orgasm, leaning down to press his lips to your jaw, kissing up towards your ear.
“C’mon, [Name], cum for me,” he whispered, sending yet another wave of heat shoot up and down your spine. You could hardly stop the stream of moans that spilled from your lips as he focused on the tip of your cock, rubbing his thumb on the sensitive spot just below it, as if trying to coax out your cum.
“Oh god,” your voice was strained as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten to an unbearable degree, trying to hold out just a little longer. “F—Fuck! Alhaitham!” You moaned in ecstasy when you finally came, squeezing your eyes tightly shut. You tensed and trembled as your dick spurt cum on your stomach and his fingers as he helped you ride out your high.
“You’re so beautiful when you orgasm,” he groaned, his thrusts beginning to lose rhythm as he neared his own climax. He dug his fingers into your waist tighter, muttering praises into your ear when you began squirming at the discomfort of your overstimulation. It didn’t take much longer for him to finish as he stilled, gritting his teeth when he quickly pulled out to stroke himself to completion. He sighed in satisfaction when his orgasm subsided, leaving your abdomen coated in ropes of his cum.
“Wh—Why did you pull out?” You panted, wiping a bead of sweat off of your forehead.
“Isn’t it annoying to clean up afterward? You're always complaining about it whenever we have sex,” he questioned after a moment, taking a second to bask in the afterglow before getting up to reach for a tissue to clean your skin. He put his pants back on, gathering your clothes to put them in a laundry basket.
You shrugged. “I mean, sometimes. But I’m gonna take a bath either way.” You blinked in confusion when you saw him quirk a brow, fidgeting a bit when he didn’t stop staring at you.
“No. You’re going to sit and wait here while I make you something to eat, first,” he instructed, leaving no room for negotiation. “Afterwards, you’re going to go to sleep. Then you can take a bath when you wake up.”
As if on cue, your stomach growled audibly, quickly reminding you that you haven't eaten anything since yesterday. "But then I'm gonna be all sticky and gross when I eat," you said, knowing how much he disliked having dirty bedsheets for too long. It surprised you when he shrugged, leaning against the doorframe as he waited for you to decide.
"If you want to take a bath first, then I'll help you," he offered. You swiftly nodded, wanting to eat clean and comfortably. He nodded and told you to wait for a moment as he prepared the water for you, leaving you by yourself for a while until he returned. The two of you walked into the bathroom where a bathtub of warm water awaited you. But just as you raised your leg to enter, a sudden wave of dizziness overcame you. Luckily, Alhaitham was there to keep you from falling with a firm hand on your arm, carefully helping you into the water.
"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes darting across your face for any sign of distress. He relaxed upon seeing nothing but waited for your response for further confirmation.
"Yeah. It's just something that happens when I get too hungry, y'know?" You explained sheepishly, splashing some of the water onto your arms and back.
"No, I don't know." He ignored the way you rolled your eyes. "I'll be right back, then."
You hummed to yourself, not minding his absence as you savored the warmth surrounding you, resting your head against the edge of the tub. You nearly fell asleep in the time it took for Alhaitham to return, jumping in surprise at the sound of his voice.
"Hey," he spoke, returning to your side with a bowl in his hand. "Eat this for now."
He kneeled down, bringing the bowl close enough to let you reach in and take whatever was inside. They were fruits, you saw as you happily grabbed one, tossing it into your mouth. You had to stop yourself from grabbing a handful and eating it all in one go, forcing yourself to appreciate every bite. You noticed him shifting behind you, leaning forward instinctively when he began cleaning your back with a small, wet towel.
The two of you basked in the comforting silence for a while as you let him take care of you until you turned your head to face him. "I love you," you said with a little grin.
"I know," he replied, putting the bowl onto the floor.
"Say it back." You pouted, but you knew he was only teasing.
His mouth quirked up in a faint smile, leaning forward to give you a quick peck on your lips. "I love you too."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
540 notes · View notes
exhuastedpigeon · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
Buddie Hiatus Fic Recs - Month 4 August 16 - Sept 15
I think is my favourite rec list for this little project so far. It has some of my all time favourite Buddie fics on it, fics that I've read over and over again because they just bring me so much joy.
Previous lists linked at the bottom!
0-5k
here (in your arms) by devirnis / @devirnis Explicit | 2.3k I have had THE WORST day. When I finally get home, I’m going to pass out and sleep like a rock, and then I want to wake up with you inside me.
the art of peeling mandarins for the one you love by oklahoma / @sunshinediaz Teen | 3.9k Buck asks Eddie to marry him in the kitchen, of all places.
5k-10k
but i've got my teeth in you by oklahoma / @sunshinediazTeen | 5.5k bad things happen bingo—tooth knocked out
you're the cream in my coffee by 42hrb Explicit | 8.6k Buddie coffee shop AU where everything is different, but they’re still idiots in love
wood you be mine? by MonsterRae1 / @monsterrae1 Mature | 9k the Lumberjack Buck fic.
10k-20k
With Great Power Comes Great Pining by Princessfbi / @princessfbi Teen | 10.4k It was the lightning strike. That had to be it. It was the only logical conclusion. Though, when it comes to being able to suddenly read people’s minds, Buck supposed there wasn’t a whole lot of logic involved.
endless numbered days by Daisies_and_Briars / @cal-daisies-and-briars Gen | 13.1k When a big event in the lives of the members of the 118 falls on the same weekend as Bobby's late son's birthday, Bobby finds himself reflecting on grief, fatherhood, and life after loss. 
The Scroll of Saint Barnabas by Amiril / @runawaymarbles Mature | 15k The day of the shooting, Eddie got stuck in a time loop. But that was three months ago. He's completely fine now.
Say Yes, and Figure It Out Afterwards by catwalksalone Explicit | 13.3k Buck and Eddie figure out a mutually beneficial way to deal with the first responder post-trauma cycle of up-horny-down.
Share the Joy by TalkNerdyToMe6 Teen | 14.2k After the lightning strike, Buck discovers he has more than just the ability to do long division in his head. Every time he touches Eddie, everything the other man is feeling moves through him like a wave of emotion, there and gone again. Buck can’t decide if that’s a blessing or a curse.
20k - 30k
light through the wave tips by bvckandeddie (zukkababey) / @bvckandeddie Explicit | 21.9k When Buck and Eddie planned a vacation with their kids over a year ago, they hadn’t exactly planned on bringing a seven-month-old baby along with them. Surely wrangling three kids can't be too much of a challenge—that is, if it weren't for Christopher's steadily worsening mood.
Cutting The Ties That Bind by kristen999 / @thekristen999 Mature | 34.4k Evan Buckley was a businessman, he had meetings and deadlines like everyone else. Sometimes he used intimation. While using the very same tactics he was trying to end while converting his family business into legitimate operations was a little hypocritical, it was the results that mattered.
Occasionally, he got threatened, but it was usually all hot air and ego. That all changed the day his breaks were tampered with. Enter Eddie Diaz, security specialist, who was not easily impressed by Buck’s expensive suits or financial conquests. That was okay. Buck enjoyed a challenge.
30k +
family (portrait) by ProsperDemeter / @prosperdemeter2 Teen | 45.1k realizing that the family that you need has been beside you all along.
like a dog with a bird at your door by fleetinghearts / @shitouttabuck Explicit | 51.1k evan “i love you like a dog” buckley has only ever known how to love like, well, a dog, but maybe eddie diaz is the kinda guy to give a flea-bitten mongrel a forever home
Being Eddie by Daisies_and_Briars / @cal-daisies-and-briars Teen | 79.8 Eddie goes through the time travel therapy process of the 2009 Canadian TV show Being Erica
what a heart can do by bvckandeddie (zukkababey) / @bvckandeddie Teen | 85.5k In which Buck becomes the guardian of the daughter he never knew he had. Together, they discover what happiness truly means to them.
Month 1 (May 15 - June 15) Month 2 (June 16 - July 15) Month 3 (July 16 - August 15)
167 notes · View notes
Note
AITA for breaking up with my partner of four years who I live with?
sorry this is a long one but I don't want to leave stuff out and make it seem biased.
My partner (22F) and I (22F) have been together since senior year of high school, just before COVID hit, and have lived together for a bit over a year now.
It's her first time living outside her parents' house, and early on she was a really crappy housemate. I ended up nagging at her a lot and having to use gentle parenting techniques to get her to do basic housework and do her share of responsibilities. We had a fight around six months in, where I told her I felt like I had to parent her, and she understandably took it poorly. Since then, she's put in a lot more effort around the house in a way that felt less like it was a product of caring, and more like the product of fearing abandonment. I pointed this out to her, and she said that she was trying harder because she loved me and wanted me to be comfortable in our home, though she had made several offhand comments that she was always worried about pissing me off.
I've been clinically depressed for a long time, and one of the chief ways it's manifested is irritation and anger. It developed into a problem, and I started getting therapy/ medication. Often I would end up being pretty mean to her. I felt bad about it, but she would get on my nerves a lot. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated easily. She has unmedicated ADHD and often comes in and starts hyperactively info-dumping about her day without a greeting or anything, knowing I had just woken up (I work nights).
She stopped doing that only after months of me asking her to and enforcing that boundary. Sometimes I was hurtful about it, but when I was nice about it she tended to ignore me or "forget" I'd asked her to stop doing that.
The last six months she's been better about things, but the first six months of living together kinda killed my feelings for her. At first, I thought it was stress from school, work, and other things related to the house (bug infestations, things breaking constantly, standard Landlord Special bullshit). But more and more I found myself annoyed with her. I'd often make rude comments about her behavior out of frustration. When I tried to discuss things more maturely, she'd break down crying and panicking, and I'd reassure and comfort her afterward instead of getting to express my feelings. She'd rarely express hers, just start sobbing and apologizing and saying she'd change, which made me feel awful and like I couldn't express grievances to her.
I'd try to get some space from time to time, and she'd get extremely anxious and seek reassurance, which I'd give to her because I didn't want to start anything. I thought I'd come back around and find happiness with her again. She'd been extremely patient with me throughout the relationship, with my moodiness and temper. I'd tried changing that about myself, but I found that the only thing that ever seemed to help my moods was getting space from her.
In late 2023/Jan 2024 I ended up having to get a couple surgeries, and she was supportive and caring in a way not many people would be for their partners. She made time to take care of me while I was more or less disabled and gave me grace as I worked through the emotional aspects of my health issues.
During this time I started having feelings for her again, but within a week of recovering, I was back to feeling the same sense of vague irritation and resentment as before, even though her behavior had changed and she was objectively being an amazing partner.
I realized I wasn't happy in this relationship and felt tremendous pressure to be responsible for somebody who had fallen behind me in terms of emotional maturity. I couldn't discuss big issues with her without her breaking down and panicking, and I felt like I had to walk on eggshells because of it. I was hurtful to her because of it, and it wasn't fair to stay a relationship I was no longer emotionally invested in.
Before I left for work one day, she ended up pressuring me into talking about what was on my mind after I told her I didn't feel the time was right to discuss it. I told her how I felt and that a breakup seemed like the healthiest way forward for us. She shut down, started crying, panicking, saying that we could work it out and go to couples therapy, etc. By this point, I had kind of lost faith in her ever fulfilling any promises related to therapy. I had to leave for work and she wouldn't stop talking about it, so I ended up apologizing, taking it back, and saying we could work it out.
A busy week or two went by where I was noticeably less nice to her, hoping that when I tried to break up with her again she wouldn't get emotional whiplash from it coming seemingly out of nowhere. I wrote out what I wanted to say in a letter and told her that I had things to talk about, but put them in a letter so she'd have time to process it instead of shutting down. I told her this, as well, to give her something of a warning.
I asked her what she thought we talked about during that big argument, and she said she honestly couldn't remember. We then went to a concert where I got drunk to try and enjoy things (I did) but she couldn't have a good time due to worrying about our conversation. I gave her the letter two days later, left it for her in the morning to read and process while I was in class that day.
It understandably went poorly, and she blames me for being a shitty partner, for being mean, for ruining the concert which was the one thing that she had looked forward to us doing as partners, and for treating her like shit in the weeks leading up to the breakup, and has indirectly asked if I can stay elsewhere on the nights where we'd be sharing a bed. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
133 notes · View notes
cyxnidx · 5 months
Text
SWEETNESS !
character: neuvillette
content: fluffy & a lil angst.
a/n: just reminding neuvi he matters & worth ur love. kinda short - jus haven't been in the writing mood lately. if we end up getting headcanons / mini scenarios for a while yk why <3.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
"do you love me?"
that was the question neuvillette uttered moments ago.
and now, he was a crying mess in your lap while it rained. the rain matched his mood, occasional lighting strikes hitting the grounds surrounding your home due to his anger.
"i just don't," he paused, "just don't feel like m' enough for you. i don't deserve you, and-"
it hurt your heart to see neuvillette like this. his head buried in the plush of your thighs, however tears are falling from his eyes. he sat down in a praying position, head laying on your thighs as he tries to explain what was wrong without choking up on his own words or making himself cry more.
"and i just feel like it's stupidly selfish and idiotic to even think such a thing, but i just can't.. i can't just stop." he looks up to you, eyes all red and puffy from the past 10 minutes of crying. a lightning strike hit, a bit closer to your house this time. "it's hard to make it stop - darling, they won't stop."
it was hard to comprehend just how bad things had gotten for neuvillette to be in this state. and moments ago, you two were simply existing together - on the couch, with the tv playing despite neither of you paying attention to whatever was airing. instead, you were doing your own thing and he was as well - coexisting.
and then, that's when he broke the silence, with a question you never thought he'd bother to think.
were you not showing him enough love? were you not paying enough attention to him? were you not doing enough? had you subconsciously stopped certain habits since the two of you've been together? has these thoughts been racking his brain for who knows how long? just how long had he waited to tell you?
there was no clear answer.
"of course, i love you, neuvi." you tell him softly. "you're the only thing i've loved for a while."
he blinks at you, eyes slightly puffy and skin turning pink from crying and rubbing his face against the pants you wore.
"why wouldn't i love you?" you place your forehead against his, "you're practically all i've ever wanted. all i've ever known, the only thought i've ever had."
he brings a hand up to his cheek, wiping away the rest of the forming tears. "m' sorry,"
"don't apologize." you say softly, kissing his forehead. "have i not been doing enough for you?"
he shakes his head frantically, eyes tearing up at the thought of you thinking you haven't been enough now. "you've been perfect, i promise."
"so have you, neuvi. there's no reason i'd stop loving you."
he sniffles, a self-pitying chuckle leaving him for a moment. "i jus' didn't think i deserved you, with all you do f'me, and then i think about me, and," he pauses, his throat closing as he begins to get more emotional once again. "and i couldn't fathom a reason you'd be so patient with me."
"because you deserve it, neuvi. every inch of love and affection i give you, you deserve. you're worthy of it all." you begin to kiss around his face, wiping any drying tears from his cheeks once again. "you're so sweet, you're a sweetness i can't stray from."
354 notes · View notes
heartofwritiing · 9 months
Note
I looked through your masterlist (I'm about to do some late night binge reading lmaooo) but I was wondering, because you have nothing in the dadbur section, maybe Wilbur with a pregnant reader or helping reader with their child (you can choose whether they're adopted or biological, thought to make in inclusive)
I'm probably going to be a bother in the future but... Can I be 🔗 anon??
Take care of you
Tumblr media
paring: dadbur x pregnant!reader
Authors note: I love writing pregnancy fics they are such a comfort for me. so cute and domestic. sorry this took me awhile I was kinda struggling with what to write but i hope you like it anyways! This is crazy that you requested pregnant!reader because I currently have a Dadbur x pregnant!reader featuring Tallualh in my drafts, but it will be completely different from this! and yess I've never had an anon list before so I am excited you will be the first!
warnings: pregnancy symptoms, domestic fluff, short, not proofread, unedited!
Tumblr media
Groaning as you stretch your limbs awake, you feel a sore pain in your tailbone. The weight of your growing belly was prominent as you slowly rolled your body to the edge of the bed so you could maneuver yourself up. It was never fun waking up every day with pain in different spots of your body, but no one said growing and carrying a human would be easy.
You were twenty-six weeks pregnant; every day was a blessing yet a curse. On the one hand, you had never been so elated to be growing a family with your boyfriend Wilbur, who when you told had never been so excited and happy. Swearing up and down he would be there to take care of you.
Wilbur had been your anchor through this new chapter of your life. He constantly checked in on you, ensuring you were comfortable physically. Always tolerant of your hormones and mood swings, and treating you with the most compassion and love you had ever received.
Once you had gotten up, you went to the kitchen to make some tea. You filled the kettle and placed it on the stove so the water could heat up, the clicking sound of the burner filled the room as a sudden taste reached your tongue.
The cravings you had gotten so far hadn't been so bad. Just bizarre things you usually wouldn't eat.
You suddenly felt a strong desire for celery with peanut butter, a craving that had become quite common for you. Your stomach began to rumble, a sign that you were hungry.
Rummaging through your pantry you located the jar of peanut butter and gasped with delight. As the kettle started to boil, you placed the jar on the counter and prepared your tea. Afterward, you searched the fridge for celery.
You searched and searched for the celery but nothing. Groaning, you shut the fridge, annoyed you grabbed a spoon from the silverware drawer and settle for just the peanut butter for now.
As you sipped your tea, you leaned against the kitchen counter and scrolled through Twitter. Your feed was filled with videos from Wilbur's show last night. A giggle escaped you as a clip from a fan page played on your screen. Wilbur was bouncing around on stage like a golden retriever while 'portrait of a blank slates' instrumentals played through the speakers. You never got sick of seeing your boyfriend perform live on stage.
The front door to your apartment creaked open, and you saw Wilbur enter with several grocery bags. He kicked the door shut and toed off his shoes, leaving them by the coat hanger. He grinned when he noticed you standing there.
"Darling, I thought you'd still be in bed," he says.
He gazed at you with adoring eyes, taking in your tousled bedhead and his vintage Arctic Monkeys shirt draped over your noticeable belly. At that moment, Wilbur never felt so in love.
You shrugged as you watched him swiftly place the bags on the dining room table and quickly advanced toward you to give you a morning kiss. When he pulled away his hand rested on your bump, giving light rubs.
"I was cold and realized you weren't there so I got up," you pout.
" I'll remember to put more blankets on you If i get up before you,"
"Or just stay in bed with me next time," you suggest.
"That I could do," he replies and kisses you again swiftly. "How are you feeling?" His hands trail down your arms.
"Im alright, my lower back is killing me again." you grimace.
"What have we talked about, don't put so much strain on yourself darling." he chastised. "if you're feeling sore you need to rest."
Ever since you discovered your pregnancy, Wilbur has been a constant source of support. He's been avidly gathering knowledge, buying parenting books, and engaging in countless discussions with your doctor to ensure he's well-prepared to take care of you and your child. You knew he was going to be an amazing father with the amount of effort he was putting in.
"Wil, I'm fine, I am taking it easy like the doctor said but I can't stay in bed all day. I feel miserable."
He lets out a sigh of realization, acknowledging that he was being a little overbearing. You knew he always felt anxious about sicknesses and hospitals and found it difficult to control. Not just about himself, but for those he loved.
"I know you're just trying to look out for me, but it's too much sometimes I need room to breath."
You appreciated his protective and alert nature greatly, but at times it became overwhelming. It appears that he understood what you were trying to convey, as he gave you a look of apology.
""I understand. I just want to make sure you're taken care of," he admits. He would make an effort to avoid being overly fixated on your health.
You respond with a smile and nod.
"Now," he said taking the spoon from your hand, which you whined in protest. He took you by the hands and led you to the living room. "Sit on the couch, I'm gonna make you some breakfast."
Before you could argue further he ran to the kitchen and back with your mug of tea in hand as he hushed you.
Bewildered you sat there drinking your soothing cup of tea as Wilbur rushed around the kitchen. As he dashes around like a madman, his hair bounces with every step while grabbing things from various places. You hear primarily sizzling and the low sounds of him humming different songs that popped into his head. After he finished cooking, you observed him from the couch as he plated his meal and transferred it to a dish, and brought it over to you.
Wilbur had prepared French toast for you and seemed pleased with himself as he watched you dig in and sigh with delight at the taste of cinnamon and maple syrup.
You honestly know how you could live without him. He eventually came and flopped down next to you and enjoyed his own plate, chatting cheerily with you about random topics that came to mind.
Once you finished, he took care of both plates, sat behind you, and rubbed gentle circles around your lower back. The relief of the pressure being lifted was divine.
"That feels amazing," you tell him. Wilbur felt a sense of achievement knowing that he could make you feel better with just a simple touch of his fingers. His hands moved up to your shoulders, causing you to tilt your head back on his shoulder and close your eyes.
"Thank you, Wil."
You would have to remember to express your gratitude to him in some greater way someday.
Wilbur kisses your head tenderly and pulls you further against him. His hands move around to cup under your pregnant belly and lifted so gently to relieve some of the weight.
"Of course darling."
-
Let me know if you want to be added or removed from my taglist!
taglist: @trashcanduck @merakiwi @addxms @ax-y10 
298 notes · View notes
writegoblin · 11 months
Text
Michael Myers Headcanons
----
I've super been in the mood to write lately :3c I've been pressuring myself to come up with like. Something cohesive. But nah. I just wanna get a lil silly.
SFW
- When you first meet, it's because you moved into Haddenfield. Illinois has like, three cities everyone moves to, so for you to pick a tiny town-- and Haddenfield of all the tiny towns? Something had to be wrong with you. Something Michael needed to investigate.
- In reality, you worked for a niche company that signed a contract with a Haddenfield hospital. It wasn't anything complex. But you're complex to him.
- He just quietly breaks into your home every once in a while if the mood strikes him. He's not always out murdering-- he's gotta case the houses, too! So, of course, he's taken the opportunity to break into your house the ONE night you had to do overtime.
- If you have pets, he mostly avoids them. If they're aggressive, he'll find a way to lock them up. It would be a shame to hurt you so deeply this early on after all. So Brutus can get locked in a closet for now <3
- You become more aware of his presence because he starts taking items. In a weird way this is also how you get to know him. A lot of old out of state memorabilia or souvenirs go missing. Pictures of strange places. Anything that's odd or unique looking. He might start taking hobby items just to see how frustrated you get.
- Once you two actually confront each other, it's a little bit like those old movies about the wild animal getting adopted by a human? Where at first it's like "oh god oh fuck big scary!!!" And then you flash the light on the silhouette and you see "oh you're actually just a pathetic little meow meow." That's him.
- The reason he's so meow meow is for the first time. His curiosity is winning over his blood lust, giving him sort of a clear head. He likes spending time with you cause it lets him actually think about things. You don't rush to judge him, so he experiments with himself more. (And also with you, in a way. It's how you bond!)
- I mentioned this in a previous post but I'll say it again here: he's the type to do something for you if he can reason that it benefits him. He puts you to bed because if you don't sleep early, you can't make him breakfast. If you don't eat, you get moody and THEN who will drive him to the weirdly 24/hr thrift store?! Fucked up.
- He's weird about physical affection. Some days are better than others. Some days, he's very cuddly, actually. And by cuddly, I mean leaning against you in a bid to get you to crawl into his lap or put your arms around him. On his bad days though, he gets flashbacks to the hospital. He feels like a wild animal in a cage.
- Speaking of, his bad days are when you don't see him. You're a safe space. He can't defile a sanctuary like that. If he's approaching a bad day, he might be more distant, standing in doorways and halls just. Staring. From then on, it's a matter of time. All you can do is fix whatever breaks in the aftermath. If you try to touch him, he'll leave.
- Quickest way to his heart is food and nursing. Did you just feed him pancakes after patching up his gash? Oh, heavens--
- He doesn't fall in love easily per say, more like he will trust you a bit more willingly. The love part comes FARRR later when you've seen his worst and his best, not to be corny.
NSFW
----
- Before y'all met, between Halloweens, he's doing petty crime. Lots of theft. He steals magazines. You know where I'm going with this.
- He knows what he likes and he doesn't like. He has an idea of stuff he'd like to try. Lots of fantasies, not much experience save for the occasional vouyer moment.
- When you come around though, and you become sexually comfortable with him, he wants to experiment. That's kind of his other way of saying "I love you."
- Loves. Rope. Frog tie is best because he can kinda make a show of lifting you in front of a mirror and the face you make when that happens is-- *chef's kiss*
- Sadist, naturally. But I think he likes both pleasure and pain. A bit of a darker headcanon but sometimes he feels like he's stabbing you when thrusting. Your cries and mewls and erotic hollers spurring him on. Your orgasmic cries bring him back down. His own orgasm brings him back. He's him again.
- He loves intimidating you. If you're shorter or weaker in any way, he loves backing you into corners and making you feel small.
- If you're aggressive, he loves a challenge too. In fact, if you're into play wrestling he might be down sometimes. It wakes up this primal instinct in him that needs to pin you down. And he likes a good challenge.
- He's very thick. Very long. I'm thinking 8", uncircumcized, upward pitch. Bit veiny too if im honest. His first load is always stupid big.
- If you're a squirter, 🫡 it was nice knowing you Mr. President--//shot
- Once he gets the basics down, and you two start experimenting, and that happens for the first time, it is his goal. His duty. To make sure it happens every time.
- He has a third dense for your arousal. He's good at reading body language (he scares you sometimes, with how easily he can read your thoughts), so sometimes he'll wait until you're subtly showing signs without knowing. Wiggling your hips, sighing, taking off layers of clothes. And when you least expect it, that's when he'll get you.
- Low key has a thing for pheromones, I think. Like musky scents n all that. The scent of arousal. He loves eating for that reason among other more obvious ones.
- If you want him to be submissive, it will take lots of convincing. You'll have to catch him when he's in a more receptive state-- when he's reflecting on himself. He'll be more open to the idea then.
309 notes · View notes
max1461 · 4 months
Text
Ok I've figured out one of the problems. For around a year I've felt something like "tumblr is kinda making me feel bad lately" but it's been hard to put my finger on why. Here is one reason:
I get more substantive engagement on here (e.g. people responding to me and sharing their own thoughts, agreeing or disagreeing, etc.) when I post about political/"discoursy" type stuff. I get markedly less substantive engagement when I post about anything else. Maybe this would be different if I was into fandoms, but I'm not. So the like, "hobby posts" I want to make are math stuff, linguistics stuff, musings on weird creatures, you know the drill. But the effort to social interaction ratio I get out of those posts is terrible, they're only good if I'm in the mood to pontificate to an audience without reciprocation.
On the other hand, obviously, if I post "isn't it annoying when blargists advocate for snorg when sneepflog would obviously be a better policy" I do numbers.
Now this is nobody's fault, I'm basically just complaining that the people on here don't share my hobbies, but like.
Well I guess that during the pandemic and subsequent period, when I was quite lonely and so on, I engaged in a lot of these discoursy topics both because I wanted social interaction and because (being new on here) I had novel things to say. So it didn't feel so bad. Now I have fewer genuinely novel posts of that sort to make, and the discourse feels tiring, but if I retire from it I also sacrifice a lot of that social interaction, which sucks. I mean I suppose I'm less lonely irl than I was in the pandemic so it's not so bad but like.
71 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Heart Of Gold
♡~~♡~~♡~~♡~~♡
Summary: Raph is feeling a little down, and as his S/O, it's your job to remind him he has a heart of gold.
Warnings: Insecurity and a teeny weeny bit of angst.
Requested: Nope!
GN Reader.
.........................................
You looked around your room, bored expression on your face.
Today was Saturday and you had nothing to do, so you were waiting for your boyfriend, Raphael, to arrive. You had called him earlier, asking him if he was free to spend some time together.
He had replied that he was, infact free, and would be there shortly.
So you tidied up your room, and made yourself as presentable as possible, considering you were wearing your pajamas. Now you were just waiting for the familiar knock to sound from your window.
You and Raph had been dating for just a little over six months, and honestly, these six months had been your happiest. You loved the red clad turtle with your heart and soul, and you knew he loved you just the same.
A soft tapping came from your window, and you all but launched yourself over to the noise. Swinging the curtains open with a large smile, you expected to be greeted by the wide smile that usually played on Raph's lips, but instead, it was halfhearted, almost forced.
Your mood instantly shifted to worry. Unlocking the window, you placed a gentle hand on Raph's arm as he entered your room, "Hey, Big Guy, are you ok?"
Raph nodded, that halfhearted smile still on his face, "Just fine, Sweetcheeks."
But you knew he wasn't. You knew he was lying. You saw how his smile didn't reach his eyes, the way he tensed when you asked if he was ok. He wasn't ok.
And you knew that.
"Hamato Raphael, don't you dare lie to me. Something is wrong, and you're upset. I don't like it when you're upset. It makes me sad."
All at once, you watched his facade crumble. He pulled you in for a tight hug, face buried in your neck. You hugged him back, trying your best to show him that you were here, and listening.
"Tell me what's wrong, Raph." you said, voice as gentle as possible.
And he did.
He told you how, lately, he felt like he wasn't strong enough. Strong enough for his brothers, strong enough for his family. Strong enough for you.
"I know I can do better. I know that. They almost got really hurt last time, (Name), all because I wasn't strong enough."
Your heart cracked alongside his voice.
You pulled away from the hug, making him look you in the eyes, "Raph, you are the strongest person I know. You have a heart made out of pure gold. You care about me more than anyone I know, and the way you love your brother's is unlike anything I've ever seen."
You place your hand on his cheeks, rubbing away the tears that has started to fall, "There will be times when the people you care about will get hurt, and yeah thats scary, but it is not your fault. You can't always be there to protect them, or even me and April. Things happen, and the best thing you can do about is try to learn from it. Better yourself in a healthy way. That way, when it happens again, you'll be ready."
You continued to rub away his tears, Raph holding his big hands over top of your much smaller ones. He pulled your hands away from his face, holding them gently infront of him, "What did I ever do to deserve you, Sweetcheeks."
You smiled and pulled him into another hug, "Do you want the short list, or the long one?"
He chuckled softly as he picked you up, your faces now level with one another, "God, I love you."
"I love you too, Raphie."
You gave him a soft kiss on the forhead, "Now, how about we cuddle and watch a movie? I missed you ya know."
"That sounds amazing, (Name)."
.........................................
This one is pretty short, and kinda bad, but I'm low on inspiration. So feel free to send me a request!
303 notes · View notes
ftm-radio · 19 days
Text
My gender is 4 years old
...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅
Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.
The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.
I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗
Tumblr media
The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]
My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!
...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.
I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3
I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.
Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.
Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:
Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.
Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.
Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.
Tumblr media
my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓
Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.
Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)
Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...
Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻
Okay! I think that's it, really.
I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3
Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.
So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️
27 notes · View notes
yunjardi · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
my heart bel♡ngs to daddy [series]
[young sugar daddy jake x fem.reader au]
--------------------------------------------
click here for this series's masterlist to read previous chapters, general warnings, and playlist
[‼️chapter warnings‼️: smut [mdni], angst, DADDY KINK, angst, crying, unprotected sex, jake being a bit pervy, car sex, oral, fingering, riding, cockwarming, mentions of food/eating, pls lmk if i missed anything!]
*sorry for any grammar errors
--------------------------------------------
-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-
chapter 9: the healing process
"since when was it october?" you asked yeji as you fiddled with your black bunny ear headband that became a part of your work uniform that "updated" itself into a black skin-tight mini dress instead of the regular low-cut shirt. since halloween was just around the corner, they wanted every woman employee in a slutty halloween costume to 'attract customers.' "since a week and a half ago, y/n. jake really is warping your sense of reality, isn't he?" yeji joked as she pulled on a strand of your hair, causing you to swat her hand away in playful yet mildly annoyed manner. "okay fine," you sighed in defeat, "i'll admit that he's been distracting the fuck out of me lately, especially since we had our first argument not long ago. i mean, we kinda made up but it's still fresh in my mind." yeji tapped her nails on the marble counter of the bar with an evil smile on her face.
"you know, if he was really fazed by you being with any other guy but him to the point where you two literally had some kind of argument, maybe you should A. just become a couple or B. ditch his ass for being too protective over you. but i say you go with A," yeji remarked as she tossed a dishrag into the basket of dozens of other dish towels that were waiting to be put in the washing machine. "ugh," you groaned, "you see, it's not as easy as it seems." yeji raised an eyebrow at your response. "how so? he's clearly in love with you and we all know you also love-"
"hush!" you snapped, "don't say the 'L' word, yeji! that's not a thing! especially not with jake and i! he's just doing his job as a sugar daddy while i hold up the other end of the bargain. you know how that stuff works." she sighed sarcastically and tapped her nails on counter again. "denial," yeji said in a singsong tone, "someone's being moody again today."
yeji always noticed how moody and snappy you became when she brought up how you and jake should make things official, but she noticed changes in your mood in general lately. she figured it was just the nerves getting to you about your whole situation with
"okay, i'm sorry." you sighed again, "i didn't mean to snap at you. i just haven't been able to think clearly since jake and i fought. it's supposed to be a good thing that we have a bit of a wedge in between us because i don't wanna get too attached, but why do i feel so bad? like i said, i think we already kinda made up and everything. i literally haven't seen him since then, but it feels like it's still haunting my mind and it hurts so bad."
yeji played with strands of your hair as you rambled. "you told me not to say it," yeji said sarcastically. you groaned and rolled your eyes.
"ugh, and i shouldn't even be thinking of him right now! we have fall exams coming soon and i cannot let jake distract me," you realized in the midst of your blabbering. yeji groaned at your mention of exams as she let go of the strands of your hair.
just then, the bells that were attached to the top hinge of the door jingled, signifying that someone just walked in. "oh," yeji said as she looked over at the door, "speak of the devil; your little 'distraction' is here." before you could turn your around, you were already met with the sensation of being hugged from behind.
"y/n... i've missed you so much," jake said softly as he cozied his cheek on your bare shoulder, his cold skin from the weather outside sending shivers down your body. "i still feel really bad about how i treated you that night," he admitted glumly, "can i make it up to you?" he placed a kiss on your cheek as a shy smile formed on your face. though you didn't exactly know what he entailed when he said he wanted to 'make it up to you,' you, as much as you desperately wanted to deny it, really wanted to spend time with him.
you couldn't help but notice the customers looking at you and jake's close interaction, thankfully most of their eyes being fixated on jake's face rather than yours; they looked at him in a way that you'd look at a familiar face. did some customers know him or something? maybe that's just how rich people are; scoping out "competition."
either way, the two of you seemed like a fake couple who looked married from the perspective of the general public, which made you feel all sorts of mixed emotions that you couldn't even begin to understand. seeing him and feeling his touch for the first time in what felt like ages only made you more confused about your feelings. you couldn't lie; you still felt a sting in your heart when you looked at him because of what happened between the two of you but at the same time, you still felt glad that he took time out of his day to see you.
"my puppy. so sweet as usual," you couldn't help but gush unintentionally as you snaked your arm around him to play with his hair, "but i'm working right now, jake. my break is soon, so i promise i'll spend time with you then." you felt his face turn pouty against your shoulder when you told him that you had to work. heck, he literally came to visit you at your job.
"i'll sit here and wait for you to be done," jake said with a smile as he sat on a barstool, sitting and waiting there the way a puppy would wait for its owner. you let out a satisfied sigh as you subconsciously smiled, yeji elbowing you with a cheeky grin on her face, making you shoot her a wide-eyed look that screamed 'hush!' and then continued work as usual as if jake wasn't sitting off to the side waiting for your break to come.
customers came and went, ordering simple menu items like rounds of soju shots, spirits, and various wines, but jake always seemed to have his eyes glued to you when you fake-flirted with customers in order to seduce them into giving you tips; it made his jealously perk up again though he didn't want to admit it.
you may have a sugar daddy, but you still couldn't put away your pride and just let him handle all the things in your life that involved money. you wanted to prove to yourself that you weren't completely reliant on him; that you only wanted him for the material things that he gave you and not because you were desperate for money or the attention of a man. if anything, you didn't even have to work or go to school at all anymore with all the money he gives you for simply existing and spending time with him. but still, you held onto your bartending job just in case things fell apart, which they nearly did a few days ago.
jake's eyes were fixated on you whenever you used the boston shaker to make a customer their drink. he watched the way your hands would grip the shaker and move it up and down, shamelessly getting riled up by your seemingly innocent actions. your skimpy outfit wasn't helping the 'situation' in his pants either. it made him feel like he should watch you work more often.
after what felt like ages, you were finally able to take an hour long break from working, and you decided to rest in jake's car with him since it had nice, comfy seats that you could recline. when you mentioned to him that you just wanted to spend time with him in his car, he, again, got a little riled up.
you two exited the front doors, jake putting his arms around you to try and keep you warm before you arrived to his car, and it didn't take you long realize that jake was leading you to a car that looked unfamiliar to you.
"new car?" you questioned as you looked up at jake. "not a new one, just my other car," he said nonchalantly as he opened the car door for you, letting you sit down on the seat that you were not yet familiar with considering that you'd never been inside this car before.
'rich people,' you thought to yourself as you internally rolled your eyes.
but still, you reclined the seat as far back as it could possibly go before laying your head down on the headrest of the seat after placing your bunny ear headband on the dashboard, closing your eyes and trying your best to shield your face from the sunlight that lightly beamed on you from the windows.
"is it too bright, princess?" jake asked as he shielded your face from the sun with his big hand, "the windows in this car aren't as tinted as the ones in my other car."
you nodded, admitting that you thought it was too bright, but you told him that you'd be okay as long as your face was covered. at that, he reached over to the side of the seat, pulling out a foldable windshield cover to block the sun, making sure you were fully shaded from the bright beams.
you let out a content hum in response and as you finally closed your eyes to rest, you couldn't help but have underlying thoughts of doing 'things' with him in the car. you wanted him at the most inconvenient times. you were trying to sleep for fuck's sake, but your stomach was beginning to heat up; the pit in your stomach only grew bigger when you realized that you and jake haven't fucked since the day of your argument. you needed to feel him, and you couldn't bear even a second more of not having him inside you.
"jake?" you asked as you looked over at him, him face toward you immediately and giving you all of his attention. "hm? what's wrong, princess?" he responded, reaching over to you and putting his hand on your thigh. his touch only made you even more nervous to ask him if you guys could move to the backseat.
"can we maybe..." you said softly as you looked behind you. jake chuckled at your shyness as he began to gently run his hand up and down your thigh. he could tell by your needy eyes that your request to move to the backseat was not one of innocence.
"move to the backseat? why is that, princess?" jake instigated teasingly although he already knew exactly what you wanted. you pouted as you let your head fall onto the seat's headrest again, your cheek cutely squished against the surface which made jake giggle and place a kiss on your forehead.
the two of you quickly climbed into the backseat and comfortably situated yourselves before ending up all over each other in a matter of seconds. you fiddled with the buttons on his silk shirt before eventually beginning to unbutton it from top to bottom. jake locked his lips with yours, smiling into the kiss as you continued needily unbuttoning his shirt until his toned abs were on display for your viewing pleasure.
getting on the floor between his legs, you teasingly ran your hands down his torso until you got to the waistband of his trousers. flashing your needy eyes at him once again, he gave you a look of approval, biting down on his plump bottom lip before you pulled his pants and boxers down in one go. you moaned quietly at the sight of his hard cock on display for you, spitting on his member before beginning to stroke it.
"shit," jake cursed lowly as you gently kissed up his shaft, slowly stroking him at the same time. eventually, you started to suck on as much of his length that you could fit in your mouth, jake groaning and biting his lip as you pleased him. you pumped the half of his member that didn't fit in your mouth as jake whimpered and gripped onto the edge of the seat so hard that his knuckles began to turn white. watching jake's legs tremble from overstimulation as he moaned out for you was such a cute sight in your eyes.
you swirled your tongue around his tip and began to suck on it, which made jake go absolutely insane, his chest rising and falling slowly as he tangled his fingers in your hair.
"wait," jake panted, "i don't wanna cum yet; i wanna cum inside you." his comment made the fire in your stomach grow, your panties clinging to your entrance as you got more and more wet.
you two switched places, jake now being in between your legs and sliding your panties down eagerly as you played with his hair. immediately after placing your panties off to the side, jake pushed the skirt part your dress up to your waist and began to work wonders with his lips and tongue against your entrance, making you moan out loud for him. he sucked on your clit while skillfully pumping his fingers in and out of you, groaning against your sensitive entrance.
"jakey," you moaned quietly, "n-need more." he swirled his tongue on your clit one more time before looking up at you from in between your legs and reaching over to recline the seat you were in.
he got off the floor of the car and positioned himself in front of you, already beginning to tease your needy pussy with his tip.
"please?" you begged with glossy eyes. "have i ever said no to you, my princess?" jake asked as he inched himself inside you, causing you to gasp out and let out a quiet mewl.
you held onto his shoulders as you felt the slight burn of his girth stretching you out when his tip passed your entrance. it hadn't been that long since the last time you had sex with jake, but it'd been long enough to where you'd have to get used to his size for a little bit before letting him go all the way in.
he hissed at the way your walls were already starting to pulse around him as you let out a moan, his tip resting right in the spot you wanted him the most. he groaned and bit his plump bottom lip as he began to gently thrust in and out of you, the two of you moaning in sync as the rhythm of his hips became more steady. your eyes were fixated on his handsome face as he pounded into your sensitive entrance which began to grow sore.
"aw, my princess can't stop looking at me," he cooed before trailing kisses along your neck, "you love looking at daddy while he's making your pussy feel good, huh?" you nodded, eyes teary from the immense amount of pleasure that he was giving you.
"m-mhm," you managed to respond, "so handsome. w-wanna ride you." you stuttered out, making jake smirk and swiftly change his and your position so you could comfortably sit on top of him. the feeling of sinking down onto his thick cock made you let out a lustful moan as you fully settled down into his lap, taking as much of him as you possibly could in the position you were in. "daddy makes me feel so good."
"mhm, princess. i'm so deep inside you," jake groaned lowly, kneading your ass as you began to roll your hips against his, the two of you moaning and close to orgasming.
"i wanna cum s-so bad, jakey," you mewled out while bouncing softly on his rock hard cock, wanting so badly to feel him deeper despite being slightly overstimulated.
"let loose, my princess. i've missed having your cum all over my cock."
and at that, you let your arousal run down his length, moaning his name all throughout your orgasm whilst his cum spurted inside you and filled you up.
staying on his lap for awhile to relax, you looked jake in his pretty brown eyes. you two finally felt like you officially made up after car sex of all things, which was pretty on-brand considering your relationship with him. jake drew a little heart on the fogged up window, giggling afterward as he looked into your pretty eyes.
you never knew that fucking and unintentionally making up in the process felt so damn good until jake introduced you to that concept.
"let's put all this petty shit behind us, y/n," you heard jake's soft voice in your ear, "being without you is... really weird, honestly, you know, because we spend a lot of time together, like jeez, you were all i was thinking about before i came to see you." jake admitted as he chuckled.
you nodded your head though you tried desperately to not let him know that you shared the same emotions.
"no more fighting," you agreed with a light laugh, "after all, how could daddy be mad at his princess?"
--------------------------------------------
you don't remember going home from work last night, but all you knew right now was that you have a good 30 minutes to get ready to catch the underground train to get to school.
springing out of bed, you quickly threw some clothes on, washed your face and brushed your teeth, threw your school stuff into your backpack, and sped over to the kitchen counter to put some fish flakes and a vacation feeder in perry's tank for good measure. but before busting out of your front door, you remembered something important: you needed to give jeongin his suit jacket back.
with the thought of all the trouble it caused between you and jake, you picked it up, opened your front door, locked it behind you, and began to make your way toward the underground train station.
surprisingly, you made it to the lecture hall with quite a bit of time to spare, so you scoped out a nice and quiet spot for you, yeji, and jeongin to sit for the duration of the day's lecture. you hung jeongin's suit jacket on the chair next to you to save one of the seats next to you for him.
now that you knew for sure what you and him had was platonic, you were no longer antsy to see him whenever you had class together; it was a colossal relief and weight off your shoulders to know that he was simply a close friend.
just then, you were snapped out of your thoughts by someone plopping into one of the chairs next to you. it was jeongin.
"hey, y/n!" jeongin smiled warmly, "it's been forever since we've seen each other! how've you been since the ball?" you smiled back at him. "ummm, just a bit stressed over school as usual," you responded, slightly guilty about the white lie since you knew that he was genuinely curious about how you were feeling, "oh yeah! your suit jacket is hanging on the chair if you didn't notice. thank you for giving it to me that night. it was super sweet of you."
he turned around and looked at his suit jacket that he hadn't seen in a little while and smiled before grabbing a notebook and some pens out of his backpack, getting ready for class to start.
"is yeji coming today?" jeongin asked as he ran his fingers through his hair with a chuckle. you checked the time on the clock then looked over to the door. "she's probably just running late as per usual," you chuckled back just as she bursted into the lecture hall.
"i'm here! i made it, guys!" yeji cheered as she pranced over to where you and jeongin were sat. "congratz on making it here before the lecture started, yej," jeongin said sarcastically, making yeji roll her eyes.
"at least i showed up today," she huffed as she plopped into her chair just in time for the beginning of class.
the boring professor started his lecture with a speech about how everyone now has to work harder than ever at this homestretch before graduation and blah, blah, blah.
in the middle of his speech, yeji leaned in closer to you to tell you something.
"psst, you know there's gonna be a halloween party at the choi frat house the day before actual halloween, right? we have to go!" she whisper-yelled, "this might be one of our last frat parties ever, and it's gonna be super fun!" you let out a quiet sigh as you looked over to the side of the room where one of the choi frat house members, yeonjun, sat.
"yeji, you know we have to prepare for finals, right?" you said with a raised eyebrow.
yeji grabbed your arm and shook it gently. "oh come on," she whined, "it's one party. i promise it won't literally make you fail all your exams." she said with sarcasm.
"y/n, the two of us are going to that halloween party at the choi frat house next weekend. it'll be so fun, and there's gonna be loads of cute guys there," yeji said with a grin on her face as she held both of your hands, "plus, i already planned our costume; the classic angel and devil. better be ready at 8PM sharp so that we can enjoy the whole party, you know, if you decide to stay long enough to possibly get some action from a guy who'll try to convince you to wipe your memory of jake for just one night before you freak out and remember how much you 'L-word' him and realize that you don't want anyone else touching you but him."
you nervous smile before slowly nodding in agreement, but not before you smacked her on her arm because of her slick and snarky little comment.
"okay, fine," you sighed, giving in to her proposal, "but only because i know you won't stop pestering me until i agree." a cheeky grin formed on her face as she shook with excitement in her seat.
'a halloween party? really?' you thought to yourself as you plunked your head into your hand, rubbing your forehead as you realized what you'd just agreed to.
your halloween party conversation ended just in time because now the professor was finally going to begin talking about things that pertain to the class.
"all of that talk about graduation being said, i am now going to present to you all part one of your final project assignment for my class," your professor announced as he switched the slide on the screen and began to explain the assignment, "this project is a partner activity and will be a showcase of what we've learned the entire year. i'll give you all the privilege to pick your partners; choose wisely and begin working before your first progress check rolls around. i recommend that you review this semester's and last semester's material independently before jumping into the group work."
you, yeji, and jeongin immediately exchanged looks, which solidified the fact that you all would be partners for this stupid project for this stupid class.
"well, i guess we better start looking over the stuff from this class before jumping into the group work," jeongin shrugged, mocking the professor as you and yeji snickered.
just then, your phone buzzed, startling you. you reached into your pocket to pull out your phone to see texts from jake.
Tumblr media
your heart fluttered at the thought of being absolutely spoiled rotten by jake. so naturally, you texted him back, agreeing to go out after class.
Tumblr media
you couldn't help but get nervous about your bold text as you awaited his reply.
Tumblr media
your stomach flipped at jake reciprocating the flirty-ness that your threw out, making you even more excited to see him as much as you hated to admit it. after all, you agreed not long ago to go to a party where there will be "loads of cute guys" to try to forget about him for just one second, so why would you even be excited to see him at all if you were trying so hard to not like him.
'how fun,' you thought to yourself as you put your phone back in your pocket, 'more conflicting feelings.'
--------------------------------------------
after waving goodbye at yeji and jeongin once class ended, you sighed as you walked out of the lecture hall, stressed with the weight of a group project that rested on your shoulders. although you were working with your two best friends, it didn't fully change the fact that you hated group work.
still, you tried to shake it off as you looked around for jake and found him sitting on one of the benches outside, looking as handsome as ever, of course.
you waved from the other side of the street to steal his attention away from his phone where he was most likely watching dog videos. seeing something abruptly move from side to side, he looked up to see you smiling a bit shyly at him as you waved your arm in the air. jake immediately hopped off the bench, looking left and right before crossing the street, which you found cute for some reason. once he was close enough to reach out for you, he instantly pulled you into a tight hug. after letting go of you, he looked into your eyes and cocked his head.
"you look so stressed, my princess. what's wrong?" he frowned as he put his arms around your waist before placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.
"oh, it's just school stuff, that's all," you replied, trying your best not to let out a stress ridden sigh, "i have to review old material for a group project that i need to start working on asap."
he felt as if there were other things weighing you down, but he took your word and just nodded his head.
jake trailed one of his hands up to your back and rubbed gentle circles around it, showing you that he understood the stress you were under. the pda you two were displaying felt amplified for some reason, making you become more shy with every circle jake rubbed on your back.
"here," jake said as he tilted your chin up to look at him, "we can go to a nice cafe, and i can help you study. does that sound good, princess? we can go out and shop some other time." his proposal made you smile and nod your head eagerly as he began to lead you to his car.
he drove to a cute little cafe and looked over at you in a way that he was waiting for your "approval" of the place. you smiled at him and then peered out the windshield, admiring the cute and neatly groomed plants that surrounded the small building. jake opened the car door for you then took your hand to lead you inside.
the door jingled when jake opened it, a barista giving you two a warm smile upon your entry.
"go ahead and sit down. i'll go and order for us," he smiled as you sat down and began to take your notebooks out to study. you felt a sense of calmness now that you were in the peaceful and beautifully decorated cafe.
soon, jake came back with two cups of tea and a small variety of pastries for the two of you to snack on for the duration of your visit. you smiled as you took a bite of one of the soft pastries, later washing it down with some tea.
"let me help you study, princess," jake smiled as he picked up a highlighter and a pen, "tell me what you need help with, and i'll get right to it."
you went on to explain the basics of the material whilst jake listened intently, occasionally glancing at your face while you talked; your beauty causing a distraction for him.
"sorry that my explanation was a bit rocky; i'm not very good at articulating stuff," you admitted sheepishly as jake quickly gathered himself to look as if he wasn't staring at you.
"no, no, it was fine, princess. don't be so hard on yourself," he reassured you with a chuckle stroking your hair as he began to highlight some of your notes, still trying to play things off. which he, of course, succeeded at because you remained mildly stressed, causing you to be less attentive than usual. "you'll be able to go home and rest in no time," jake smiled whilst you also began to make notes on the material that you just explained to him.
you'd be lying if you said that you weren't feeling comforted by him, but there was also some underlying uneasiness at the thoughts of what he said to you that night.
'just forget about it, y/n,' you scolded yourself mentally, 'you already "made up" with him, so just fucking focus on what's important.'
"zoning out?" jake asked with a sheepish laugh as you snapped yourself out of your thoughts, nodding in honest agreement. "yeah a little," you responded with a weak smile.
"let me take you home then."
--------------------------------------------
jake finally pulled up to your house after what felt like forever considering that you were exhausted. he took initiative and carried your school bag for you as you trudged to unlock the front door. once you walked in, you instinctively fed perry before walking to your bedroom, jake locking the door for you then walking over to place your backpack next to your couch.
walking into your room felt like heaven on earth. you didn't even want to change into comfy pajamas before flopping onto your bed, but you decided to quickly change so you could reach the maximum amount of comfort you could possibly feel.
jake walked in while you were in the middle of changing, his face immediately turning bright red at the sight. you sensed his presence and turned around in a slightly startled manner. "s-sorry, i can get out-" jake said as he pointed at the door behind him. "jake, you've seen me naked before," you chuckled before pulling your pajama pants up, "you're silly." his lips formed a pout as you giggled.
he walked over to your dresser drawers and opened the one that he stored some of his clothes in, similar to the way you did at his house, and found something warm comfortable to change into.
watching him undress himself only to put on different clothes kinda turned you on, but you felt too tired to act on those feelings and urges so you opted for just innocently lying on the bed with him.
before he crawled into bed with you, you heard him plop on the floor next to a pile of plushies you had in one of the corners of your room. "i missed you guys so much," jake said, his words muffled from the fact that he plunked his head face-first into their soft fur. jake was very fond of soft and fluffy things, so you could practically sense the happiness radiating off of him now that he finally got to be with your plushies again. you smiled lightly at how cute he looked whilst choosing which one he wanted to bring over to the bed. once he finally settled on one, he hopped into bed with a little 'whee!' and snuggled up next to you, hugging the plushie.
"someone's comfortable," you chuckled as you brushed his hair with your fingers, "so cute, puppy."
you hated admitting that you loved his touch. you loved when he was close to you. you loved the feeling of his body against yours. even though you adored his touch so much, your heart was still twisting itself into knots, still not being able to forget the harsh things he said that were still eating away at your heart.
jake must've sensed that you were feeling uneasy because he randomly decided to shimmy up close to your face and look you in your eyes. you swore that jake's sixth sense was knowing if there was something on your mind.
"my pretty princess," jake said with a cute smirk, "something on your mind?" he asked.
'shit. he knows,' you thought to yourself as your brain scampered to find a response. you didn't want to tell him directly how you were feeling, so you just let words spill out.
"i-i just, i really," you stuttered, "i really need to be close to you right now." you didn't even exactly know what you meant by that, but you felt like it was the only way you could express yourself; by just letting words fall out of your mouth. you didn't know if it would make you feel better to push him away or to let him hold you so tight that he probably physically wouldn't be able to let you go, so you decided to try the second option for the time being.
your hand snaked itself down to palm him through his sweatpants as he started to kiss your face gently. everything happened so naturally that you almost didn't even realize what was happening.
jake soon locked his lips with yours, kissing you slowly as he put his hands in your shirt. you snuck one of your hands past the waistband of his sweatpants and began to feel his hard through his boxers until you worked up the courage to slide your hand into them. jake gasped into the kiss at the feeling of your hand on his sensitive cock.
you freed yourself from the kiss, you and jake positioned yourselves in a comfortable position where he could easily slide into you. lining his tip up to your needy entrance, he gently entered you, both of you gasping at the feeling.
"is this what you meant when you said you needed to be close to me?" jake asked with a cute smirk to which you became bashful. "maybe," you responded to him as you pushed your hips down further, causing you both to let out quiet moans again. you tried to stay still and just cockwarm him, but you subconsciously started to squirm and move around to feel him more. you heard him suck in breaths whenever you moved around, his arms seeming to hold you tighter.
"aww, is my princess needy? do you want to feel daddy even closer?" jake cooed as you nodded. in this moment, you felt like you didn't have enough self control to only cockwarm him; you wanted, no, needed, more because you just wanted to see if it would be the solution to your heartache caused by the fight.
jake chuckled at how cute you were whenever you were needy for him then proceeded to gently position you onto your side so he could fuck you just the way you wanted. lifting up your leg for easy access, he lined his tip up to your entrance and pushed himself in, earning a few quiet moans from you once he started fucking you slow.
the gentle sex started to remind you of the night you two fought since that was what you two were doing before the whole altercation, but you tried to push it out of your mind and pay attention to the pleasure. you let jake kiss you slowly as he slid his cock in and out of you at a perfect pace; not too slow, but not too quick. losing yourself in the kiss, you were soon able to forget for a second why you were feeling gloomy in the first place. jake's lips hypnotized you along with his strong thrusts. jake didn't fuck you from the side that often, but whenever he did, you couldn't help but become completely lost in pleasure.
you whined out for him as your thigh trembled in his hand, making him chuckle sexily as he left wet kisses on your neck. it seemed as though you became overstimulated earlier whenever jake fucked you slow than if he were to be rough.
"is daddy making you feel good?" jake asked with an amorous tone as he watched you grip onto the sheets. "mhm," you nodded slowly, your legs trembling, "so good, daddy." you whimpered.
jake suddenly and slowly pulled himself out of you, rolling you into your elbows and knees as you arched your back for him. he let out a groan, turned on by the fact that you knew exactly what he wanted you to do for him.
jake's nails dug into the soft skin of your ass as he pushed his cock back inside your leaking pussy, your walls immediately tightening around his length.
jake wanted to keep his pace and fuck you slow, but he always found himself losing his self control when he would fuck you from behind. he subconsciously began to thrust into you harder, making you moan into the bedsheets. his hands traveled all over your back and torso as his tip poked your cervix.
"aw, we forgot to turn your poor little plushies' heads around," jake teased, "now they know how much of slut their mommy is, don't they?" he asked as he landed a hard spank on your ass. you let out a whimper in response while jake continued to please you from behind. "m-mhm, i'm daddy's slut," you mewled out subconsciously as jake slowed down his pace, ready to change positions again. chuckling at how cute you were being, he gently lifted you up and sat you next to him.
"get on top, princess," jake commanded with a gentle tone as he patted his lap. naturally, you followed his order: straddling his thighs before letting him reenter you.
slowly, you sunk back down onto his length, letting him stretch you out once again. jake grabbed onto your hips and helped you set a comfortable riding pace, helping you reach your high as you quietly mewled for him.
"that's right, baby," jake praised while you slowly began to bounce on his cock, "just like that. my good girl." he let his head fall back while he groaned and clawed at the soft skin of your ass.
"w-want daddy's cum," you whimpered as you looked at him with your pretty eyes, rolling your hips against his and trying to get him to reach his high.
"i know, princess. daddy's close, okay?" he reassured you breathlessly as he held your hips down, beginning to thrust into your pussy in order to poke at your sweet spot. "fuck," you whined out with a small squeak, "mmh, right there."
the two of you moaned in sync as you reached your highs. you felt jake's thighs tremble as he filled you up with his cum, a mixture of yours and his arousal ran down your inner thighs.
you got off of him then proceeded to rest on your side for a second; it didn't take long for you and jake to collect yourselves and clean each other up after the deed. you quickly got comfortable again, jake holding your waist from behind and cozying his chest against your back.
he let out a content hum as he held you close. you, on the other hand, were feeling a hodgepodge of emotions that you didn't even know if you could describe.
all you knew in this moment was that you still felt hurt; your heart beginning to twist itself in knots again as your head became clouded with the, very slim, possibility of jake leaving you. you were trying to drill into your head and convince yourself that you didn't want him, you wanted his money.
you suddenly felt yourself squeezing on his arm that was wrapped around you. squeezing and holding him as if you were trying to keep him in place; keeping him in place as if he was trying to leave you. soon, you felt your face become wet with tears that stared to subconsciously fall from your eyes. you didn't even know when you started crying, you just knew that you probably wouldn't be stopping any time soon.
jake already felt slightly alarmed at your sudden tight grasp on him, but a siren blared loudly in his head when he felt a tear roll off the soft skin of his arm.
"baby, what's wrong?" jake asked with concern while he held you close, gently helping you sit up so that you could breathe. you covered your face and sobbed into your hands. you physically could not hide your hurt feelings anymore, so you just let everything out right then and there.
why were you so emotional lately? it shouldn't even matter anymore, but why did it feel as if your world was crumbling over one, teeny tiny situation? why were you so sensitive over anything that had to do with jake?
jake wrapped his arms around you and began to gently rock you back and forth to try to comfort you as you cried. at this point, jake knew why you were crying. he knew that what he did really fucked you up, and it was eating him alive that you were still in pain over something he did. he had a feeling that you were hiding how you felt, but he didn't want to pry so he just left it alone.
"i-i'm s-sorry," you hiccuped as you frantically tried to dry your tears which only made jake's heart break even more knowing that you didn't think your emotions were valid, "i just n-need a s-second."
jake could feel pieces of him breaking when you calmly stood up to walk out of your bedroom, sniffling and hiccuping through tears and out the door, closing it to create physical space between the two of you.
'why am i even crying?' you internally scolded yourself as you walked into your bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror. your eyes were red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears.
it's as if the more you tried to block out your emotions, the harder they came.
you looked over your shoulder to see your bedroom door begin to creak open, prompting you to quickly grab the door handle of the bathroom door and pull it shut.
the sound of the door being shut made jake feel a physical pain in his chest, now hyperaware of the still ongoing effect of when he lashed out on you.
the thin walls didn't make things any better; he could hear your sniffling sobs even through the closed door. still, he slowly approached the closed bathroom door. you could feel his footsteps on the ground where you sat with your back against the door. all you could do was bring your knees up to your chest and let yourself keep crying; you didn't have the energy to keep it in anymore. not even the embarrassment of showing your vulnerability to jake was enough to get you to shut up.
"y/n," you heard jake's soft accent through the thin wall, "baby, please don't lock yourself in there. please let me in." hearing his voice made you body stop everything that it was doing; a full-body reaction to the simple sound of his voice. did his voice make you feel everything or nothing at all?
you did want to let him in, yes, but you physically couldn't push yourself off the floor to open the door for him. "g-give me a s-second," you said for the second time tonight as you took deep breaths in attempt to gain a sense of calmness before facing him again. with a final deep breath, you managed to get yourself off the floor.
slowly opening the door, you were met with jake's tear-stained face and still watery puppy-dog eyes.
it was not-so silently established that you hated seeing each other cry once you practically fell into each other's arms, both emotional, crying messes. the scene was enough to make perry raise an eyebrow and wonder what the hell his owner was doing at this hour of the night.
"i promise i'll never do it again, my princess," jake declared with a quiet whisper, "i'll never raise my voice at the girl i care about the most ever again."
you felt a small chunk of your heart heal, but just for emotional safety, you vowed to try to push him away again.
well, maybe not a push. maybe just a nudge.
and the halloween party would be perfect for that, right?
--------------------------------------------
a/n: hi gang, i'm finally back with another chapter! i've been working on lots of stuff lately, but expect another chapter this month :)
taglist: @axartia @jjhmk @valiantwastelanddelusion @jayroseyy @ayohahaha @asaheyow @lhsng @i-dalso @bunhoons @red-xherry @duolingofanaccount @lix-freckle3 @l0st-h0p3s @leeis @muffinminnie @green-orangeade @imbaeksbae @sunghoonmybeloved @sjakewrld @markleeisdabestdrug @futuremodeldiary @jeondolly @lil-iva @lalalalawon @noirgray @jckeplanet @teddy-lhj @meinapricity @jjkshies @bubbleseo @cherryunie @mqndnolia @bently-baby @fluffypiesstuff @ihrtk1ve @wonkiluvr @teti-menchon0604 @lovienikitty @rjsmochii @omgjwon @sunshine-skz @wy1999t @lv4rin @oceanyocean @jakeswhore
side note: before being asked to be added to the taglist, make sure that you set up your tag settings! i'd hate for you to miss out if you asked to be on the taglist only to not see your tag :(
454 notes · View notes
savventeen · 8 months
Note
hmm savv what would u do with mutual pining and woozi? :3c
daisy,,, beloved,,,,,,,,,, how dare you make me think about mutual pining w/ woozi ( /hj ) (i am already pining for him and thinking abt MUTUAL pining is going to drive me actually insane methinks g o d sdkjflskjdf)
ok so. SO. after vibrating in my seat and fantasizing abt lying down in the middle of the floor for the rest of time as i think about this concept, i have come to the following conclusion: mixtapes. and i mean in the classic "hey i made you this mixtape" sense
reader and jihoon are both producers for the same label and don't really interact that much at first. in fact, they don't actually even meet for the first time until soonyoung invites them both to his birthday party and they start talking shop, bonding over teasing soonyoung, and then ending the night with a promise to grab lunch together sometime.
fast forward a couple of months and they are officially Friends. they've managed to start a tradition of getting lunch together once a week and bitching about various work bullshit, and they've also started to hang out together in group settings after realizing they have more mutual friends as well
reader is the first one to send jihoon a song. it's a few hours after their weekly vent session, jihoon having taken up most of the time complaining about shitty higher-ups giving ridiculous deadlines and stuck-up idol wannabes trying to tell him how to do his job without having a clue about what his job actually is, and he gets a message from reader that says "i feel like this fits ur current mood" with a link to a song. [cw the song linked has a somewhat startling gun sound] he clicks on the link, curious, and then bursts out laughing after a few confused moments of listening bc that was NOT what he was expecting, at all
and that's how it starts, really. a few days later, he sends reader a song with the caption "how much u wanna bet soonyoung would choreograph something to this just bc it has the word 'tiger' in the title" / "no bet he absolutely would" / "ur no fun :P" / "sorry can't hear you i'm sending it to soonyoung as we speak"
pretty soon they're sending songs back and forth almost daily "what are ur thoughts on this" / "?? i don't speak french" / "and?" / "...ok yeah this is p good" "is this kinda close to the vibe you're trying to get for that one group you're working with?" / "not quite. but that's ok bc IM Vibin with this one" "i need u to stop whatever ur doing and listen to this with the bassist bass you can get with w/ ur setup" / "ok??" ... "holy shit" / "RIGHT?"
fast forward another couple of months, and reader shows up to jihoon's studio with a can of coke zero and a flash drive. "what's this?" / "this, my dear woozi-ssi, is going to be the solution to our creative blocks" and then reader goes on to explain their idea: they both have tracks that they're stuck on (personal, professional, or otherwise), and so they're gonna 'sisterhood of the traveling pants this shit' ('i literally have no idea what you're talking about'). aka: reader put some files they're having trouble with on this flash drive, and jihoon's gonna add any notes/ideas he has and then give it back with some of his own trouble files on it. rinse and repeat
and not only does it work ("ohmygod i've been trying to figure out that bridge transition for DAYS THANK YOU") but it also becomes Their Thing. like, they're used to collaborating with other writers/producers/etc bc it comes with the job, but something about this silly little flash drive... feels Special. [*cough*it's because they're catching Feelings*cough*]
tHIS IS GETTING SO LONG FUCK OKAY other things i would include in this fic: - one noticing the other has been working on a lot more love songs lately (or maybe a lot more Sad (read: pining) love songs) - reader has a bad day at some point and they end up losing the flash drive and they have a breakdown over it (jihoon comforts them and also helps them find it we love emotional hurt/comfort in this household) - scenes where they're individually waxing poetic about the other to different friends and the friends are like "bro. ur in love with them" "uh, no? they just have a great work ethic and a great taste in music also their lyricism is just—" "you. are. in. love." "i admire them professionally!
AND THEN THE CONCLUSION!! one of them decides to bite the metaphorical bullet and confess their Feelings. this could be either of them, but i'm gonna go with jihoon bc i can. so of course he can't just say "hey i love you" like a normal person, he has to confess through music. so he goes out and buys a new flash drive (with a really cute cover bc he knows they'd like it) and puts two folders on there. the first folder is full of instrumental files and is titled "all the times i couldn't find the words". and the second folder is titled "and all the times i could" and it's all love songs he's written inspired by/for reader
he sneaks into their studio and leaves the flash drive on your desk while you're in a meeting, and then he Waits and waits and waits some more until it's time to go home and it's been total radio silence and his heart feels like it's been crushed. so he starts to head home in the rain (bc i am a cheesy bastard and love rainy confession scenes) but after a few minutes of walking he hears shouting behind him and he turns to see you sprinting at him while screaming his name and before he can get a word out you're clutching his shoulders, soaked to the bone and asking "do you mean it? the songs, did— do you really mean it?"
and all he can do is nod because his heart still hasn't quite found its way back to his chest yet, and then he can't nod anymore because you're kissing him. you're kissing him, and he drops the umbrella he was holding and you're both kissing in the rain bc you're both obnoxious helpless romantics and "y/n-ah, i mean it— i mean it. i love you"
"i love you too, you stupid romantic bastard oh my god"
"hey, you're the one who started kissing me in the rain"
and it ends like the cheesy romcom this turned into bc i couldn't help myself and i need to lie down in a puddle of feelings now k thx
[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]
97 notes · View notes
circuscountdowns · 3 months
Note
Hi! Wanted to start off by saying that I LOVE your cotl art its such a huge inspiration to me :D! I recently picked up drawing again and I've unfortunately been upset? envious?! of others' skills and just wanted to ask if you ever experienced this as a fellow artist and if so how do you not do that lol. Sorry for the weird question. I just thought some insight and advice from a fellow artist could helo. BUT I hope you still have a nice day and look forward to any more cotl art or anything you draw really :D!!! (also is okay if you don't answer it is a loaded question I just be in a silly goofy mood lately okay bye!)
oh wow being on the receiving end of a question like this is surreal, I’m honored my work inspires you! Thank u, you’re sweet, it’s not a loaded question at all! Here’s my long reply sorry
so unfortunately that comparing yourself to others thing doesn’t go away ever asdfgjkl. I suffer it every day, it sucks, feels bad. I’ve had industry people tell me they feel this way and they’ll have some of the most gorgeous visdev/boards/animation I’ve ever seen. Disheartening to hear, But! I’m a big believer that comparing your artworks with others is best used as a tool and not a punishment to yourself!
When looking at art you like, try to turn thoughts of, “Man I wish my stuff looked like that, my shit sucks,” to, “What is it that I like about this piece? The line art? The perspective?” Sometimes I’ll see work with thin line art and I’ll get an itch, and I’ll draw something with thin line art. It’s a conscious effort of keepin emotion out of that itch, keeping it as, “I saw art with thin lines, I want to do that. Yay I did that!” Compartmentalize it, the itch was simply to do thin line work, not to remake the piece you were inspired by. And you got a piece of art out of it, and a single piece is progress no matter how small!
If you want to compare, do it methodically! Why does my work look different (never use the words better or worse)! Oh, I see my piece doesn’t follow the rule of thirds, so the framing is different, I’ll be aware of that next time if it bothers me. Or, Oh I see they shade by hatching along with the form, I’ve just been going horizontally, I’ll try that other way!
it’s a learning curve of training yourself, like all corrective behavior.
like, I kinda have the warning feeling of dread when I’m about to compare my work with something, so before the self-deprecating thought can even start I have to think What do I Like about this?
I’m no expert at it, though. Actually getting myself to think this way is a struggle, but I find when I make Thoughtful Observations I level up. Not by a lot most times, but yknow.
and this part is just my personal experience:
Fanart and the internet can be the biggest Art skill killer sometimes. Get offline and cater to the audience that Really matters to your passion: You! I improved the most by spending 2-3 years doing doodles/comics/models for my dnd campaign ocs because I was that obsessed and I simply wanted to have it for me!
and after all that, then there’s the hardest skill of just accepting your work as is.
like, to me, my work is just scribbles. I see other artists’ stuff and go “Man they’re so good at comics and colors, man, why can’t I color?” But do I need to??? I don’t like coloring, do I need to be good at it? This isn’t a career, this is supposed to be fun! I scribble because I like it! I’m glad this persons good at coloring, I don’t need to be! Yay!
if I Want to be good at it, I’ll take the steps to get there! But if not, my scribbles are just fine :) I love black and white and values
I’ve been having that one on repeat for a while. It helps
(acceptance and denial go hand in hand btw lol they sound the same)
I wish there was a little off button for envy, but ah well! I hope that you take comfort in knowing we are all feeling it, and find joy in even the smallest little doodle you make! Have fun stay goofy!
36 notes · View notes
atlasofthestaars · 2 months
Note
Are you okay?? It's been a while
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
haha that's a lot of messages!
hi! i'm not dead <3 I'm back! sorry for my sudden disappearance! I've been busy with life! I've been on the grind for college and art, and somehow along the path I got a boyfriend ??? He uh. knows I make this fanfic, so maybe he can get me to update this faster
To be totally transparent, I have not written much. Like at all. I hit a major writing block before disappearing and then time flew and now we're here!
Am I dropping this story? Nope! I plan to update and finish this thing, even if it takes me months between updates, sorry about that haha
Well, I'll be working on chapter 17 now! I felt bad so I have the entirety of what I HAVE written below! It's just the intro flashback like usual so there's not much, sorry about that :(
“I’m surprised you said no to Sonya’s offer.”
You stared ahead, watching the sunrise over the cityscape. Gold and pinks stained the sky, the colors seeping into the clouds that passed by overhead. The air, though it’s been a week since the final showdown, still felt like it was scented with the ashes and blood of those who shouldn’t have died. Maybe it was because of your animalistic traits, but you swore it smelt fresh too. You tried not to close your eyes, or else you’d see those things again.
“Is it really that surprising?” You asked. Your voice was scratchy. You couldn’t tell if it was due to a lack of speaking or too much speaking. How much silence and talking you’ve been taking felt murky. The whole last week felt like a blur, in all honesty. You rose a hand up, massaging your throat. You heard a shift, and finally you allowed yourself to look at your companion.
“In all honesty?” Johnny’s voice felt like it had lost much of the grandeur. If you were feeling in a better mood, you would have maybe even joked about the rather plain way he was speaking. Making jokes, however, was the last thing on your mind. You watched him carefully, his shoulders slumping forward as he took a good long stare at you. Did you look as much of a wreck as you felt? You felt your body try and straighten up, to attempt to look somewhat put together. “Yeah, I kinda am.”
“Why?” You asked, still analyzing the actor. There was a long stretch of time where the both of you simply stared at each other. You noted the uncharacteristic eyebags, and just how…normal he looked. “Isn’t it obvious I would choose to stay with Lord Raiden and help those back at the White Lotus?” You inquired further. A tone of offense slipped into your tone, one that you only noticed until you saw the slight cringe from the man.
“Well, yeah, I guess.” Johnny replied, his face scrunching up slightly. It seems he was still reeling a bit at your harsher tone. “But you seemed so…adamant about working with Sonya over the last week. You wouldn’t even rest, sleep, or eat until either she or I practically dragged you out of whatever task you busied yourself with.” He pointed out.
“I’m just a hard worker.” You excused yourself. You decided to ignore the very, very pointed and judgemental look the actor sent your way. Hard worker was not even an understatement, it was simply wrong. You weren’t working to earn merits. You were working to distract yourself. Catching your mind drifting, you stared down at your hands, noting the many more calluses that would form from how much you’ve been writing lately.
You don’t think you’ve written this much in ages.
“Listen, I’m not stupid. I’m not going to make you spit out whatever’s been bugging you, because I think you won’t, and I feel like I already know what it is. But I will say I do know what it looks like when someone’s trying to drown themselves in something to distract themselves.” The actor told you in a strangely stern voice. He crossed his arms, staring you down. “But like I said, I know there’s no point in carrying that point on.” He sighed, running a hand through his unusually unstyled hair. “So what are you even planning on doing when you go back?” 
You paused, looking at the actor. Was he that good at reading people, or were you that exhausted that you could not even put up a convincing front anymore? You searched his face, trying to figure out which answer was the right one. Maybe it was both, you couldn’t tell anymore.
“Anything to help the world recover.” You told Johnny Cage. You knew your answer was vague, but you guessed it was better than nothing. Plus, what you said was true. You were planning on doing anything to help your community to rebuild. Whether it be helping rebuild the building of the Wu Shi itself after the invasion years ago, or to train new initiates with your father, you were willing to do it.
You could not let what happened last week ever happen again. Not as long as you were alive.
“Sounds like a tall task.” Johnny said, his gaze now settled on the pinkened horizon. There was a bit of wistfulness to his voice, as if acknowledging the terribly difficult task you had placed upon yourself. There was no doubt in his voice, though. Instead, it felt as if he knew that you’d be true to your word, even if it meant your doom.
“What about you?” You asked, suddenly feeling awkward as the conversation had died out. You hadn’t wanted your conversation with him to be entirely about you. Not only was it something you weren’t all too fond of in the first place, but it felt wrong especially when your conversation partner was someone as ostentatious as the actor. “What are your plans now? To go back to acting?”
“Honestly? Thought about that for a bit.” Johnny admitted, shrugging. There was a certain type of look on his face, one that seemed long for normalcy that he could never have back. “But after seeing all of this shit? I don’t think I could return to that life. I was planning on taking Sonya’s offer to join the Special Forces, kinda hoping you would too.”
“Really?” You said, unable to hide the surprise in your voice. Your eyebrows rose, before you felt a soft huff leave your lips. “Was it so you could have a friend in the force, or is it so you could have someone to bug in the force?”
“A bit of both.” The actor, or rather, soon to be ex actor, said. A hint of his signature smile was sent your way, and he crossed his arms. as he looked at you from the corner of his eye. “With how long we’ve known each other, I can’t say I hate you. I could have done without the whole doom impending tournament that made us meet, though. Not a big fan. Plus, you being there would mean there’s one less hard ass there I’d have to deal with.”
“I’m honored.” You replied, hoping the sarcasm you were attempting was getting through even with your dry tone. There was a beat that passed as you considered your next words. “I’m not going away forever, Cage.” There was what you assumed was relief that twinkled in his eyes as you told him that. “I’m sure there will be help that Raiden will need from the Special Forces, and vice versa. Plus, I already told Sonya this, but if we hear anything about those revenants that Raiden spoke of, I want in. Not to mention, I’ll be sure to write.”
“Good to know you’re not abandoning us.” Johnny joked, but there was sincerity within his voice. He seemed genuinely glad you were not going to ditch any of them any time soon.
41 notes · View notes
Note
AITA for converting to another religion?
Also just so i can find this im gonna type a word.
'DUCK'
Names are fake
I (FTM, minor but not really but yeah, i'll be a legal adult in no time so will by boyfriend, also I'm closeted to everyone except my boyfriend so assume any treatment i get will be with me as a woman) am agnostic. I don't hate religion at all, i respect and understand believers and when invited i participate in religious activities mainly doing it out of love for the person or because they seem genuinely fun.
Anyway, i have this boyfriend, Kenny, who i love very very much. I wouldn't say our relationship is 'perfect' because that is impossible, but we are close, happy, communication is good, i wouldn't ask for more. He makes me happy, he's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Kenny is jewish, he let me know few days after we started dating because he wanted to be open about it in a serious relationship. I 100% respected that and we had a warm lighthearted chat about it, he knows i'm agnostic, he respects that.
It's been a few years, and Kenny's family grew to love me.
With his family's consent, Kenny invited me to a few religious activities with them which i enjoyed doing because we were all in a happy mood. Over time I became comfortable around the family, we're friends now.
Let's skip forward, Kenny and I were having a conversation late at night cuddling in bed, and he brought up religion. We kept chatting, until he asked me if i would be interested in converting to Judaism.
I was kinda shocked when he asked that, one of the few moments he genuinely did something i didn't expect. I stay quiet, before answering with a low "I don't know, maybe?"
We leave the topic there, he wasn't mad or anything, instead he nodded and we just kept chatting about other stuff still cuddling.
It's been a few weeks after that, and the question is still there in my little brain. I've been doing research on Kenny's religion to have a better understanding of the question he gave me, and honestly? Doesn't sound like a bad idea, i'm up for it.
I brought it up to Kenny and he seemed glad that I actually remembered the question. It's nice to see everything is taken calmly.
However, part of the hesitation came from my doubts about changing 'religions'. I don't think agnosticism is like a proper religion, i mean it's not even Atheism level. But i have an understanding of how religions work from my Catholic childhood, i was raised Catholic. So if i'm correct most religions are given by birth, I feel like it would be an AH move to break the rule over an idea my boyfriend brought up.
His family seems okay with the whole thing though, so i have mixed feelings.
Is there actually an AH part of the decision, or am i overthinking it?
(sorry for bad English)
What are these acronyms?
133 notes · View notes