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frantic-fiction · 3 months

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Reunions

(Pic: lovelybluebirdie) I cropped it a bit

Astarion x gn!reader, Astarion x reincarnated!Tav

Summary: A few months after reconnecting to your past life as Tav, a party is set to meet the rest of the group. You're nervous, worried about not living up to who you once were. Will you be enough?

This is a little part 2 of I'll Find My Way Back to You

Notes/ Warning: Pretty much just fluff. Reader is insecure. Astarion is a supportive partner. I kept all 6 origin characters alive because it's my story and I don't want to imagine any of them dead. Also, Halsin's here cause druids live to be like a thousand or whatever.

Word Count: 2.1k

Masterlist

You're not panicking. Why would you be? It's not like you're meeting a group of people you've only met in dreams—a group of strangers you've painted for the better part of your existence- a family forged through hardship from a past life you're still trying to remember fully.

No, you're not panicking. You're not scared that the people who are so excited to see you will not like what they see. You're not terrified the family Astarion has helped you remember will look at you disappointed once they realize you are no longer the Tav they once knew. You're not worried at all. Not. One. Bit.

You spent the afternoon cleaning the house from top to bottom. It was sparkling, and your fingers ached from the hours of scrubbing you filled in the restless day with. No surface was left untouched. Bookshelves were dusted, baseboards were spotless, and even the top of the cupboards, where no one would ever see, were wiped down. The floors were swept and mopped three times now, but you keep finding spots you missed. Astarion even physically stopped you from scaling the roof to clean the chimney when you ran out of things to occupy yourself with.

There's a roast in the oven, potatoes, and veggies cooking alongside it, and a pie cooling on the counter. You wanted to cook more, but you were worried that not everyone would like blueberries or that someone had turned to a plant-based diet. Astarion quickly reminded you that they used to eat food out of dusty barrels and mildewed chests.

Currently, you stand in front of your floor-length mirror. Astarion is out on a quick hunt before the party arrives, leaving you to obsess over your thoughts of inadequacy. The majority of your closet littered the floor. You're scrutinizing a simple tunic and legging combo. Was it too simple? Should you wear something more eye-catching?

You're trying to remember what Tav would have worn. All you can recall is blood-stained armor and simple camp clothes. But this occasion garners something more. Fuck. Stripping off the current outfit, you replace it with an almost identical one and look at yourself in the mirror again. You weren't sure what you expected, maybe to magically love this pair of pants and old tunic. But in reality, you were just as frustrated and worried.

The clothes weren't the problem, you knew that, but it was easier to be pissed at a blouse than to accept that you were scared. You were frightened to face Astarion and Tav's friends. You have Tav's memories and feel an odd kinship with these people. But you weren't Tav, and you would never be them, at least not entirely.

You felt like an imposter to try and convince anyone otherwise. Tears of frustration and disappointment in yourself began to trail down your cheeks. How could a silly artist hold a candle to the kind and heroic savior of Baldur's Gate? You glared at yourself, wishing things could have been different.

You jump when you feel cold arms wrap around your torso and a warm kiss at the nape of your neck. Astarion loved to use his lack of reflection to sneak up on you. You, on the other hand, hated it. Still, you found yourself leaning back into his firm chest.

"Hello, my love,"

You try to stop the pathetic sniffle, but it's useless. Astarion turns you in his arms and cups your jaw. "Darling," is all he says because he knows. Of course, he knows.

That simple pet name causes the floodgates to open, and you crumple into Astarion's chest, nuzzling his neck. He tightens his arms around you, pulling you closer to his body. Astarion lets you cry, knowing how nervous you've been for this meetup.

He rubs soft circles on the small of your back and peppers kisses to the crown of your head. "You can talk to me,"

"W-what if they don't li-like me?"

Astarion moves you both to the bed, skirting around the mess you made. He sits down and pulls you onto his lap to look you in the eyes better. "Why wouldn't they love you?" He prompts, not wanting to push you.

"Star, you know why. I'm not Tav," you hiccup, and you're positive the words you're speaking are incoherent. "I have their memories and some of their mannerisms and…and I'm also allergic to bees, but I'm not them. What if they hate me because I'm not Tav."

Astarion pecks your lips to halt your panicked words. He wipes the tears from your damp face. "No, you are not Tav, but they are part of you. They live in your art, laugh, and kind heart."

"But wha-"

"Let me finish, my love," Astarion smiles, brushing some hair behind your ear. "No one expects you to be Tav. We all love them deeply, but Tav's gone." He swallows hard, the words still hard to voice for him.

Astarion kisses your forehead, then your cheek, and continues to pepper kisses over your face, catching stray tears. "They just want to get to know the beautiful artist I fell in love with. Gale's big mouth might have let them know more about our history than I would have liked, but that doesn't change anything."

"And if they don't like the person you fell in love with?" You ask softly.

"Then fuck all of them. I love you, and if they don't love you as well, then they have no place in my life." His eyes pierce deep into yours, and there's no denying the truth of his words. You are overcome with a wave of love for your vampire and kiss him softly once more. "Now come, my love, by the smell, your roast is done."

"Shit!" You jump off his lap and rush out of the room, self-doubt pushed to the side.

The roast is fine if slightly burnt on the top. It looked juicy and smelled amazing. The vegetables are mush, but the potatoes are tender and seasoned well. It's not your best meal, but there's nothing you can do to fix it now. You left it on the counter to rest and found Astarion in the living room.

He was rehanging one of your paintings- the one you drew late last year after waking up in a cold sweat. It was a complete picture of the party standing on a dock overlooking the Grey Harbor just as the sun rose above the horizon. Astarion helps you fill in the gaps, telling you that this followed the fall of the Absolute.

"What are you doing?" You asked, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning against the wall. You had hidden away most of your art, too embarrassed by the sheer number of canvases depicting the guest due here any minute.

Astarion finishes hanging the painting above the fireplace and turns to you. "I liked this one and thought I'd put it back."

Before you could say anything, there was a knock at the door. Your stomach instantly dropped, and your heart beat hard in your chest. As if sensing your rising anxiety, Astarion moved to your side, his large palm finding the small of your back.

He swiftly kisses your cheek. "One word and I'll throw them all out."

Astarion leaves you and walks to answer the door. Your palms are sweating, and you rub them down your thighs. You take a few deep breaths and pace the room. Not knowing what else to do, you idly fluff up the decorative pillows of the couch and stall.

"Pull yourself together." You mumbled under your breath. You hear the sounds of multiple footsteps, and you know they're all here.

Why did Astarion request for them to arrive all at once? You're still not sure. But you're suddenly very pissed at him for his decision. Having all of them looking upon you like an art exhibit terrifies you.

"My dear," Astarion pokes his head into the room, a warm smile adorning his sharp features. "Would you like to meet our guest?"

You swallowed hard and nodded. Putting on a brave smile, you rounded the couch and reached for Astarion's hand. Threading his fingers with yours, you curled around his arm like a lifeline.

Moving out into the foyer, you shyly look at the group before you. Gale, given the circumstances of your and Astarion's meeting, you had already met. He had relentlessly bothered Astarion until an introduction was made between you and the wizard. But you've only seen the others in the paintings you've made and the dreams you've seen.

Karlach bounced on her feet, Wyll smiling brightly behind her left shoulder. Haslin stood by the door, a beautifully sculpted wooden bear in his arms. Shadowheart stood beside him, her face passive but relaxed and almost pleased. Lae'zel was the farthest from the group, brooding in the corner, looking at you suspiciously. Still, she even loosened her tense shoulders and stepped forward upon your entry.

"Um, hi." You waved meekly, giving them your name, cringing when your voice cracked.

It's quiet for a moment too long, and you're a step away from fleeing when Karlach skips over to you.

"Can I hug you?!" She almost yells, shaking her fists excitedly.

"Karlach!" Astarion scolds. The Tiefling had, by the looks of it, broken a rule he had set for your comfort.

"Sorry, sorry." Karlach's smile fades, and she moves to retreat. Your heart clenches, and it's like your body moves on instinct. You detach from Astarion before you can think, and then your arms are around her waist. Her scalding heat seeps into your bones and listen to the cranks of her engine.

"Hi Karlach," you whispered into her torso. The wind squeezed from your body, and your feet were off the ground.

"It's nice to finally meet you! The letters fangs write didn't do you justice."

Quickly, the group connects like magnets. Wyll crowds in and hugs you from behind, pressing you closer to Karlach. Gale piles on after, then Halsin. Shadowheart nudges her way between the men and apologizes on behalf of everyone but gives you an equally tight squeeze. The group even wrangles Astarion and Lae'zel into this group hug.

These people are supposed to be strangers, but having them close, seeing this family you've watched through someone else's memories for most of your life right before you. It fills you with familiar warmth and affection and has tears of joy in your eyes. You might not be Tav, not entirely, but you still have a place in this little family.

"Um…excuse me, I can't breathe." You squeak out after a moment of suffocation, and the group is quick to disperse.

Wiping away the lingering dampness from your cheek, you take a moment to compose yourself, clearing your throat with a subtle grace. Your hand instinctively finds its way back, and Astarion swiftly recovers it, his touch reassuring. Soft circles dance on the back of your hand, a silent question lingering in his gaze, seeking affirmation that you're all right. You respond with a nod and a comforting squeeze of his hand.

"Ah, well…" you chuckle with a hint of self-awareness. "I have a roast with everyone's names on it. And a blueberry pie; Astarion found a wild patch on one of his hunts."

"Thank the gods, I'm famished," Wyll sighs, his appetite evident as he sniffs the air dreamily. A nudged Karlach sets the communal movement toward the dining room in motion.

Astarion emerges with the wine, gracefully pouring glasses of red for everyone. Gale, the sole visitor to your home beforehand, takes charge of the table settings. With a flick of his fingers and a whispered incantation, plates and silverware align harmoniously. The stage set, the food emerges, and the night takes flight.

It feels like a cinematic scene picking up where it had once paused, a seamless continuation. Laughter weaves through the air, stories unfold, and even the occasional argument dissolves into a chorus of joyous laughter. Though new and fresh, the conversation flows as naturally as breathing. Strangers evolve into friends, and amidst the clinking of glasses, a familial bond begins to sprout. Tav was indeed fortunate to have these beautiful souls around.

As the night bids farewell and everyone departs, you find solace curled up against Astarion. His voice, a gentle undercurrent, softly reads from his newest book, and you gaze up, fixated on the beautiful man before you. A silent expression of gratitude graces your lips, an unspoken acknowledgment directed at Tav. Thanks for giving you a family and the love of your life.

Astarion's fingers scratch your scalp, tenderly coaxing your eyes closed. "What are you thinking about, little love?"

"Just how lucky I am."

"I would argue I'm the lucky one, but I suppose we can share," he smiles; he continues to read to you and massage your scalp until you're puddy against his body, sleep having all but consumed you. The night settles into a tranquil symphony, the warmth of shared love lingering in the serenity.

Okay I know it was a bit cheesy, but I needed so fluffy shit today. Anyway, tell me what you thought I love talking with y'all.

Taglist: heartfully10, ayselluna, marina-and-the-memes

#astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion #bg3 #astarion ancunin #astarion imagine #bg3 astarion #reader insert #fanfic #writing #frantic fiction #bg3 fic #bg3 tav #bg3 x tav

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yesimwriting · 3 months

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How do you think Felix would react to bestfriend!reader coming out as bi/pan or nonbinary/genderfluid?

Do you think he would view women as much of a threat as men or…? And what do you think he would say if reader went: “OMG FELIX that girl is so hot” or something like that.

Sorry this was kinda long— 😭

i wanted to answer this fully bc it's a good question, and that got a little long so it's below the cut!!

also i analyze felix's sexuality a little just to give some background on my perspective,, but i try not to put my own speculations on felix's sexuality in fics (unless asked to) bc i want the person reading to be able to decide how they see felix

oh!! also! side note! i've mainly written bestfriend! reader with female pronouns,, and some plot stuff in the main fic i'm writing does rely on reader being female, but if anyone ever wants a specific blurb to have reader be gender neutral,, just specify in the ask and i'll make sure to write it that way :)

okay,, i think felix is extremely bi/pan leaning

and by that i mean i don't think he'd label his sexuality,, and not even in a 'too cool' way, he just wouldn't put that much thought into it,, like he probably sees himself eventually settling down/marrying a girl bc that's kind of the default (a tiny bit of comphet lol),, but i think he likes who he likes, he's attracted to who he's attracted to and doesn't pay much mind to their gender

i feel like this applies to most of felix's family/inner circle as well lol,, like attraction is attraction, why get caught up on the details if that makes sense

also no one can convince me felix didn't feel anything for ollie,, they are that romantic coded best friendship that ends dramatically and traumatically for all involved <3 but in bestfriend!felix verse reader will always be his #1, trust

but if we are reading felix as straight,, i still think he'd be super supportive (bi wife energy)

so considering that (and the fact that felix loves reader too much to ever make them feel bad about anything,, especially something like that) he'd be extremely supportive of reader's sexual orientation and/or gender identity,, and if anyone even implies something rude oh!! he's fighting!

depending on how bad it is, felix might just exclude that person socially, and bc of felix's influence, that means everyone starts to shun that person,, if someone was really homophobic towards reader,, felix would cuss them out fr,, might even instinctually get physical depending on how bad it is

as far as reader being like "felix! that girl is so hot" his initial reaction would be to agree/hype you up bc it's instinct to support reader,, but then it'd hit him and he'd be like oh. wait.. :(

true equality and acceptance of reader's sexuality/gender identity is wanting everyone of all genders to realize how wonderful reader is,, but from a distance <3 like yes i have the cutest, most perfect, lovely,, intelligent best friend, i'm glad you noticed,, unfortunately that's all you get to do

i do think that if it was just you two talking while out partying or hanging out and it didn't go further than some comments, felix would be supportive, but he'd be a little extra touchy to prove to himself that reader will let him

i think he'd be more bothered if reader called a guy hot, not bc he's more intimidated, but bc at least when reader finds a girl attractive it's much less of a direct comparison (bc female presenting and masculine presenting are generally hot in different ways) if that makes sense

if it goes any further than that,, felix is equally pouty no matter the person's gender

also we know felix's friends have a habit of hooking up with venetia,, so i could see this making felix more wary of venetia and reader getting along a little too well over the summer lol,, like he wouldn't assume the worst if they started liking each other a little, but he'd be wary

honestly, though,, at the end of the day, as long as it's clear that felix is reader's absolute favorite person of any gender, he'd be chill and even when he's jealous he's supportive

#bestfriend!felix #felix catton x reader #saltburn x reader

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sky-neverending · 6 months

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some trans wylan rambles bc im brainrotting on my modern roommates au (mentions of transphobia below)

i don't think Jan Van Eck would take Wy being trans well. I totally understand the point of view that he would be happy to have a son and not a daughter, and i've considered it, but i think overall he's the type of person to want a 'proper' son. imo, he'd never see Wylan as a boy, at least not properly. especially if he spent all of Wylans childhood getting used to the fact that he had a "girl," and cultivating Wylans public image to be the perfect daughter. and him being born a girl would give Jan another cover up to why Wylan couldn't take over the family business, because he's totally the type to think girls can't run things like that. so he could use that as an excuse over Wy's dyslexia. i just don't think he'd ever fully accept Wylan as his son.

in happier headcanons, the Crows never once doubt Wylans identity. I like to hc Kaz as trans sometimes too, and I think that since Kaz probably would be out longer than Wy, he would help him get everything he needs to transition however much he wants to. Also Nina cuts his hair bc. yes. that is canon in my fic. she is the haircutter of the house. Jesper loves his boyfriend to death and is always there to support him when he's on his period or having a bad day with dysphoria. bc Jesper is a king. king shit right there. Wylan steals Jespers sweaters bc they're big on him and make him feel good

ok thats all for now but ermmmm i really need to continue writing this fic. i think the first chapter is published already....? if u want the link just let me know :)

#sky’s stardust #shadow and bone netflix #six of crows #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #wesper #soc #soc headcanon #soc fanfic #wesper fic #nina zenik #kaz brekker #the crows #trans wylan #trans wylan van eck #i love them #shadow and bone fanfiction

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scrumptiousfoxglitter · 21 days

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Internalized arophobia is such a weird thing. Like, I realized I was aromantic and asexual at basically the same time, but I had a much easier time coming to terms with being ace than I did being aro. My family's fairly religious (and accepting, thank goodness), so the asexual thing was great because that basically meant I'm incapable of committing the sin of lust, and I was always fairly repulsed by the idea of a sexual relationship anyways. But aro? No, no, that can't be right. Not me, right? I remember waiting for my first crush like it would be some kinda orientation box opening where I'd have no idea what I'd get. Even now, loveless aros are still a thing I'm not fully used to. Like, most aros don't care that the allos are allo-ing, they care about the amatonormativity ever present in society that makes it so they should feel obligated to "make up" for their lack of attraction with platonic love, because you won't be accepted otherwise. My internalized arophobia isn't helped by the fact that there's only one other aro person I know, the only reason I found out about it was through a Jaiden YouTube video. I thought the A was for ally for so, so long. There's nothing wrong with an aro showing every person they come across platonic affection, and there's nothing wrong with aros who wanna hide away with all of the garlic bread they could get their hands on and becoming the hermit they were always meant to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with aromantic people who want sexual intercourse. And you know what, I'm probably aegoromantic. Sure, I love my fair share of shipping, but when it involves me? I'd really, REALLY rather not. I'd prefer to live in an apartment complex with people who share my interests while residing with my immediate family and the 12 cats I found on the street. And even though it took me some time, I'm okay with that, or at least beginning to be. I've got plenty of flaws, but not being interested in romance isn't one of them, and it never was. Which is more or less why I've started surrounding myself with the aro/ace flag more often. Because it's a reminder of an aspect of me I was internally bigoted about, even after I incorporated it into my identity and even a bit now.

I'm asexual AND aromantic, and it's so facking cool that I am.

Congrats, you finished reading the ramblings of a queer homo-sapien. Here, have some garlic bread, you earned it:

Ft. Self indulgent Apple Horse cameo.

#actually aromantic #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #aromantic spectrum #aromantic pride #aroace spectrum #aroace #aroacespec #ramblings #Applejack cameo #shoutout to aro/allos #as the saying goes; “Let them eat cake.”

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creampuffqueen · 24 days

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tell us about the tlok gen 2 kids

ask and you shall receive!!!! making fankids is such an obsession of mine lol

so i have futures and kids planned out for pretty much everyone, but i'll just go over the main krew ships + kainora for now. and i'll try to keep it kind of brief but i have So Many thoughts about them so we'll see if i'm successful. i have like. an entire labelled timeline. it's wild

under a cut because this got so long holy crap

the easiest to start with is the bopal kids. they get married a couple years after the end of tlok and start having kids pretty soon after. they end up with four kids (somewhat considering adding a fifth but we'll see. there's already so many ocs)

their eldest is jade, who is an earthbender. then they have a pair of identical twin boys, named san and goji. san is named after bolin's father. san is an airbender, goji is an earthbender. their fourth child is a girl named tempa, who is an airbender. she actually ends up becoming blind later in life. not whatever toph had, as she was born seeing, but she had some degenerative disease that slowly took her eyesight. she actually ends up developing a technique similar to seismic sense, but with airbending, to help her get around! she keeps her head fully shaved so she can always feel vibrations in the air

the next up to have kids is, surprisingly, kai and jinora. this was not intentional on their part. but they've been dating since they were like 12-13, so i honestly don't think it's much of a stretch that they would end up becoming parents as teenagers. pema and tenzin are a bit upset that their daughter got pregnant at 17, but at this point they've accepted kai into the family, and they respect the young couple's decision to keep and raise the baby

and then after they have their first baby, they decide that they're going to hold off on getting married until their family is complete, so all their kids can be a part of the wedding. like bolin and opal, they end up having four kids as well. all of them are airbenders. their first born is a boy named sangye, second is another boy named tadashi, third is a girl named zaya, and fourth is a girl named tara. it's the jinora and tenzin parallels for me lol. two boys, two girls, four airbenders. despite their young age they are very good parents

then we have the korrasami babies. they have the smallest family, with just two kids. i did some research and as it turns out, sperm donation/artificial insemination procedures were a thing in the 1920s. of course they were WILDLY unethical at the time but hey, they did exist. this is how they end up with their kids. mako is the donor, which i know some people may find that weird but mako is their best friend, i feel like they would rather have a donor that they know and trust than just. some random guy

korra is pregnant with their first baby, who they name katara. she's a waterbender. asami is pregnant with their second baby, a little boy they name hiro, after asami's dad. hiro is a nonbender. they are literally the best moms ever <3

and last but not least, we have wuko's kids. for the longest time they are the cool, childless gay uncles. i think they're both really good with kids, but neither are ready to be parents for a long time. not to mention in my timeline it takes a solid ten years for wu to get the new democratic earth kingdom up and running smoothly enough that he can abdicate. and even after he abdicates and he and mako get married, they're still unsure about kids for a few more years. when they do decide to have kids, they both for sure want to adopt. i have a whole separate post i could make about mako quitting the police force to become a social worker and opening up a youth shelter. but he knows he wants to help out kids, so hopefully none suffer the way he and bolin did. wu does not want to have any bio kids, as he wants the royal bloodline to end with him so there is no possible claim to any kind of throne

but then korra and asami are like 'hey, if you guys want a baby, we're cool with helping out' because i mean mako already helped them have their family, they can do the same for him and wu. and since they're offering, mako and wu decide to take them up on it. korra ends up being a surrogate for them, and they welcome a little baby girl that they name naoki, for mako's mom

then, soon after naoki is born, they end up finding a trio of very young sisters out on the streets. their mother passed away, their father walked out on them, and they have no other family. the eldest girl is only 8 years old. when mako meets her it feels like he's looking into a window at his past self. the girls are very frightened, but mako and wu are able to earn their trust enough to help them out. and in the process of caring for them, they end up totally falling in love with these kids. they ask them if they want to be adopted. all three say yes

the girls are named kasumi, ryoko, and hikari. all three are firebenders. naoki also ends up being a firebender. there's so many firebenders in the wuko house. i'm also spreading my girldad mako agenda. him and wu taking these girls in and giving them a family is actually super emotionally healing for him. he's able to make sure another set of siblings out on the steet has a family

anyway that's a very basic rundown!! i love chatting about my next gen kiddos so so much so thanks for asking! and of course if anyone has any questions about specific kids or families please feel free to ask!!!

#tlok #bopal #kainora #korrasami #wuko

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lesbianspeedy · 11 months

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Connor has called Ollie solely "dad" since Quiver why is he calling him "Ollie" now 😭😭😭

This is mean but I laughed out loud when Connor said Tim was the first person he talked about when he was figuring out being ace years ago. Lol. Lmao even. Tumblr really gaslit that poor writer into thinking Connor and Tim had an actual friendship with all their clamoring about him being with the wrong Bat huh. "Where were you?" GEE I didn't know you had to give daily updates to that one kid you teamed up a few times and had some friendly banter with. I love queer solidarity and the whole thing about us finding each other before we even know we're queer but. NO Connor would not have talks about his sexuality with Tim. Cmooooon you're telling me the first person he'd talk to about being ace wouldn't be Kyle "you can tell me if you're gay, Connor" Rayner?

At least that "this is just another thing me and Ollie don't have in common" anxiety is something already established. Like, that's basically the same thing he says to Roy when Roy takes him to that strip club even if it's an issue by Winick (do you ever stop to think about how unintentionally well laid out Connor being ace is and lose your mind a little bit?)

I'm just. Really sad about how Ollie and Connor's relationship is being presented to this new generation of readers. It's like we regressed to the time Ollie was dead, ya know? And I don't like Connor solely for his relationship with his dad, I want him to be a character on his own. But I can't help but being saddened by how he is losing his relationship with everyone that matters. For better or for worse, at least the new GA series is gonna have him interacting with his family (but what about Kyle, Eddie, Jansen and Moonday, ya know?)

The thing is that the story is good and I like its message. It just... Could be with any other character

im tempted to post this without an "answer" because its really well laid out and deserves to be a post on it's own. but i just rlly like ur points and want to interact with them so.

i think there were a few times between quiver and now where he interchangebly used dad and ollie but i get what you're saying, referring to him like hes estranged still was odd.

i totally agree, the idea of queer solidarity is important and should be shown, but i think this was a weird choice to go with. i think the most intimate (from my memory, i havent reread connor's run in a while) question connor ever asked tim was whether batman was his dad (at that time the answer was still no, as jack hadn't been killed yet). and that was only asked because connor was still his charmingly-awful-at-secret-identities-self. the part of their limited friendship that was interesting was the dynamic of new-sidekick-legacy meets new-main-legacy (for lack of a better descriptor), both struggling to uphold what they thought was expected of them. they never got to really advance from that stage of knowing each other to being at a place where they are friends out of costume, let alone discuss their SEXUALITIES.

i agree that the not being in common thing was a nice nod to past character complexities, though it felt slightly like it was the writer genuinely believing that to be true, and not just a rehash of connor's complicated feelings.

i know, its a weird stage we're at now, the resistence to fully accepting the connor that came from the end of his green arrow run, not just the beginning of it. by the end he had come to peace with being green arrow, and not being his father but that being okay. and that's not to say this is all the current writers fault (though williamson has done absolutely no favours with his writing), as winick and krul absolutely demolished any character connor had for their angst and whatever. (remember when connor aggressively yelled at mia for complaining about being stalked by zatanna without being told? or when after being turned into plastic and losing his memories he then decided he hated buddhism and oliver?). (not to mention the seperation from eddie jansen moonday kyle and. despite all of this complaining. tim cass and steph. winick set this precident and i will never forgive him)

i agree, it had good framework, and it couldve been a much more cohesive story if they. had just not used this friendship.

#connor hawke #green arrow #dc comics

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magical-xirl-4 · 9 months

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the way that i truly am just non-binary still... idk, surprises me? like, i forget that i am, so i have to remind myself that while i am trans, i'm not a man. at the same time, i'm not a woman. i'm just floating out as something else. something totally new.

but that's why it's so hard for me to affirm myself. there is no exact language to describe me that truly encapsulates my experiences. there's very little representation about what it means to be non-binary. it's why i think about it so much, it's why i fixate on it.

the world is extremely binary, and it's influence over my thoughts is still very strong, despite my gender identity.

it can be lonely. it can be confusing.

my bodily dysphoria is so strong but my social dysphoria is ten fold. to a vast majority of people they will never see me as non-binary no matter how many times i say it, and that haunts me.

i know not everyone will be able to instantly see me as my true self wherever i go and whoever i talk to, but the two binary genders are something that we are innately trained to recognise.

if a person recognises me as 1 or 2 and never 3 instantly, it feels. wrong.

why can't you see me as that? no matter how hard i try; why?

maybe HRT and top surgery will get me there, maybe, hopefully, one day. i want to be seen as androgynous, ambigious, first and foremost. someone who perfectly toes the line of masculinity and femininity. i feel like i am that as a person already but i just want people to be able to see that as soon as they see me.

but ultimately what i truly want is reformation of society. i want- no, need, trans acceptance, and abolishment of gender roles and heteropatriarchy. it's the only way i'll ever be able to thrive and feel comfortable. it's easy for you to people to see man and woman, but i wish it were different. i wish it were more that that.

i still haven't changed my name legally, or moved away from my family, so i'd say i'm in the worst of it. i'm just barely getting enough air to breathe. when i change my name, when i move out, when i go on HRT and get top surgery i will feel better.

but those systems put in place to hold up cisheteronormativity will still exist. i'm not sure how i will feel once i'm up to that point. i'll definitely have more air to breathe. but i can't even picture it right now. i'm still looking up from the well. why do i still have to endure more darkness once i'm fully free to be me?

i really hope for a day where that well won't exist and we'll be able to be on equal level a plain and open field. where we'll get to sit next to each other in the warm gaze of the sun, feeling loved, safe, protected and cared for. where we don't have to fight to exist and feel like ourselves. no conflict, no fighting, no hardship. just ourselves and the purity of it.

#non-binary #nonbinary #ugh. fucking. vent #dysphoria #i think what i also need to get over is my insecurity over being non-binary #specifically. feminine non-binary. it's still a whole process #because i experience such intense dysphoria over being percieved as female i want to just be so separate to any femininity #which is why i think 'maybe i'm just a trans man'#no. i know i'm not. my dysphoria is just so intense #i think when i pass as something other than female and i move out i'll feel a lot better about being non-binary #point is: i am definitely non-binary. i'm just extremely averse to being percieved as female while being feminine #WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER BAG OF WORMS #I LIKE BEING FEMININE. IT'S WHO I AM. SO IS MY MASCULINITY #DOESN'T MEAN I AM A WOMAN OR A MAN THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!#abolish gender roles rn i am SO serious #an aside: I’d rather we just not attribute gender or fem/masc to anything at all. please. just see me as me. not as a gender or signifiers

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gabumonisbestdigimon · 9 months

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Finally got around to watching Z-O-M-B-I-E-S and the first two aren't masterpieces but are a fun watch especially for the music. I'm not going to lie the third I think is genuinely one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

Rant below.

I'm going to start off with that the music and choreography are the best in the franchise I really enjoyed all the songs in this movie.

Zed is once again a likable character and is my favorite character in the movie.

The first movie is about segregation and I've heard others say disabilities as well. The second is colonization and not losing who you are to fit in. The third is about immigration, climate change, "identity politics", and other messages I think just rewrite the lessons of the previous movies.

One of my favorite parts of these movies is when Addison puts on the necklace to become a wolf and doesn't. Which upsets her because she wants a place to "fit in" and Bree tell her she's beautiful, that she's always been beautiful and even if she's not a wolf she's Addison, someone who is deeply loved and amazing the way she is.

I loved this messaging that the second movie portrays of being comfortable in your own skin. That Zed doesn't need to be more human and that he can embrace that he is a zombie. That is the lesson Zed and Addison are supposed to learn in this movie. Except in the third movie Addison throws all of her dreams, family, and friends away when she finds out she's an alien. Like being Addison isn't good enough that she has to fully be an alien, like that's what's going to make her feel better about herself. It's like someone finding out they're 1/16 Cherokee and begin enrolling in the tribe, dressing in traditional native dress, and marking native on their job applications. It's nice to know your ancestry, but your genetics don't make up your personality.

Also the reason two works is because the werewolves are likable. I found the aliens to be unlikeable and whiny.

I found Addison in the first two movies to be whiny as well. Constantly talking about not fitting in and her white hair. Like she's not the mayor and police chief's daughter, a cheerleader that's super loved and popular, and has a good boyfriend and friend group. Like Zed, Eliza, and Bonzo aren't segregated from the rest of society, treated like monsters, and aren't allowed common decency in the first movie.

But I was able to overlook this because it's a kids movie and the rest of the characters carried the movies. The third movie just cranks Addison's unlikability to 10. She doesn't correct A'spen on what's socially acceptable to say, you know not hitting on Zed while he's there and it makes him extremely uncomfortable as just one example.

The fact the her grandma chose Seabrook as utopia even though at the time it was still segregated and hateful. The aliens should have chosen Seabrook that even if it is imperfect the still decide to call it home.

Also not every character should be in a relationship. Bree and Bonzo as a secondary couple is cute, but while I think Wyatt and Eliza could have a good dynamic they don't really interact in the second movie and by the third Wyatt's just magically in love. I understand that it's been a few years since two, but you should at least rely on onscreen chemistry which you can't have because Eliza isn't physically there for the whole movie. Willa and A'spen don't even make sense.

This movie has so many problems and just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I have so many more things I want to say about this movie, but if you're still here you might not want to hear it.

#zombies 2 #disneys zombies #z o m b i e s #zombies 3 #rant post #disney channel #Z-O-M-B-I-E-S

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thatiranianphantom · 7 months

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Nancy Drew 1x16: The Haunting of Nancy Drew

(or the one where my ethical issues with private infant adoption get REAL)

Okay, we know you're into the supernatural Nancy, but you mean you'd vomit an omen anyday?

A blessed break from Owen in this episode!

I need a makeup routine for all three girls. Immediately.

John Sander is the BEST. The true "normal person comes to crazy town" trope.

"Made that out of clay." Ace, sweet baby, ily.

How did Nancy get those case files, especially with Tamura?

Ah, asking her mother for help without knowing it!

Also, "did my mom have something to do with Lucy's death". Double meaning there.

God, baby Fanson. I love them.

The thing is before Nace were ever a thing, Fanson was great. I don't root for Fanson because of Nace, I root for Fanson on its own merits, while I hated Nancy and Nick as a couple.

Don't panic. Everyone: panics.

Tamura! I loved him.

"Is he a vampire?"

Ace can hack in 2 minutes, and should absolutely have been snapped up by some kind of government agency at this point.

Another theme for this episode: poor, poor Ryan. The face acting Riley does in this episode! His father made the love of his life kill herself, and he has to deal with the fact that she died thinking Ryan hated her.

People remember the events of 20 years ago with startling clarity.

Do Americans call pickles gherkins? Thought that was a British thing?

Lucy, someone who was at least 16, has the journal of a 5 year old.

Again, gonna put it out there that the people who ensured Lucy's death, a pregnant child, were the people of Horseshoe Bay. Don't know if I'd defend them hard if I were Carson.

Excellent casting, because I do see Lucy's facial features in Nancy.

Hoo boy, here we go. Let's start this with a disclaimer: I know that the internet is where nuance goes to die, but I want to make it clear I am not anti-adoption. I also fully recognize that many birth mothers, through their own free choice and zero coersion, choose to place their babies for adoption, and even if they had access to resources, this is the choice they would make. I am not calling that unethical. I'm also aware I am applying my own personal ethical issues with adoption to a fictional TV show. Okay, we good? Okay, let's get into it.

Lucy Sable was a (presumably) 16 year old child who had been relentlessly bullied into an incredibly emotional state, had just given birth, and had thought the love of her life hated her and never wanted to see her again. This is not a person in a clear emotional state, capable of making long-term decisions. I get that they absolutely did not know that Lucy would jump off the cliff, but Carson justifying everything with "Lucy wanted this. This was Lucy's wish. We didn't tell the Hudsons because Lucy wanted this" is somewhat understandable but frankly also a load of shit.

Lucy did not know the truth. Ryan deserved to know the truth. Nancy deserved to know the truth. I find it very hard to accept that Carson and Kate were "honoring Lucy's wishes" by never telling her (and never planning on telling her) that she was adopted, and never telling Ryan, robbing him of the opportunity to raise Nancy, or even to know Nancy. I get that Everett couldn't know. That does not mean Ryan couldn't, and that does not mean Nancy couldn't, especially as an adult, and the thing is, Carson gaslit her the entire season and would have continued to lie to Nancy if she hadn't figured out the truth on her own.

A whole whack of Nancy's identity issues are thanks to Carson and Kate, who refused to tell Nancy who she really was. Adopted children deserve to know, and know about, their birth families. It is very easy, as we have seen, to use a teenager's tragic and highly emotional situation for their own benefits. So Carson trying constantly to justify himself as having done the right thing is...that's hard to get over.

While I absolutely believe love makes family too, biology is an interwoven part of who a person is, and never acknowledging the birth parent or family as part of an adoptee's story is...harmful to say the least.

I know Nancy and Ryan forgave Carson, but that's always going to stick at the back of my mind. Yes, Nancy was his. He was her father. I get that, and I know that was real in Nancy's mind too. She was also Lucy's. And she was Ryan's. And his refusal to acknowledge that is....ehh.

I suppose we'll get more ranting next episode, but that's the core of it.

#TIP watches ND #Nancy Drew #Nancy Drew CW #ndcw

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dirtanddistance · 3 months

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Running and Identity: or, Coming Out to Your Road Runner Family as a Trail Runner (TW: eating disorder)

From the outside, running looks like a fairly homogenous pastime. It's not until you really get into things that you realize that 'running' means a number of things to different people, and what your running life looks like can change dramatically over its lifespan.

Going home to be with my family for the holidays put this into stark relief for me. I started my running career (?) as a very humble road runner. I had no speed to speak of, and would ensure that remained the case for years (thanks, anorexia) before realizing that maybe I could run some zippy times after all. Growing up in Florida, the opportunities to participate in 'trail running' are few and far between, and those few times contain a cumulative zero feet of vert. Running on a trail back home felt like a bad reprise of a cross country meet (in fact, my first ultra included sections of the old high school district meet route). And all of this was just fine with me. I had a mom who had gotten me into running who was an avid PR seeking machine who I've had to talk off a cliff when her times slowly stopped getting faster as time went on, and has offhandedly told me after a track meet that I just 'didn't look like I was trying that hard' at the end of my 1600m PR. Running on flat, fast courses and always reaching for a faster time was the standard; even if you never competed against anyone else, the clock was there to prove your progress or lack thereof. It didn't occur to me to question any of it. It would take years of experience and months marinating in a more active ultra community to realize that it didn't matter that my second 50k was over an hour slower than my first, not for the least reason because the terrain profile was completely different. This was the running world that I, my brother, and my husband (important side characters in my running saga) inherited.

With that background, you might imagine that morphing into a trail runner was quite the transformation. While it wasn't fully intentional, I wanted to run another ultra (see https://www.tumblr.com/dirtanddistance/727596212894793728/squamish50-race-review?source=share), and where I'd moved (British Columbia), that meant your race was gonna be on some actual trails, with some actual mountains thrown in for interest. Never mind the fact that my first trail run ended with me in actual tears at how hard running uphill was, I was determined to do it, ego about my pace be damned. I quickly learned that doing a trail race entailed less running than road racing, and, in my amateur case, significantly less pace consciousness. It was time consuming, and exhausting... and more liberating than I ever imagined going for a run could be. It reminded me of a conversation I had when I ran into an old (and very fast) track teammate in the local Target after we'd graduated, and he said he was savoring running as many ten minute miles as he wanted. I'd grinned and agreed - there was a joy and freedom in not having to be fast anymore. Trail running is that feeling, multiplied by a thousand.

Imagine trying to explain the ocean to someone who had never seen it before - they know that oceans exist, but they've never even seen a picture of one before. That is what trying to explain an alpine trail race to a Florida road racer who hasn't run much anywhere else is like. The responses you get are the spectrum you'd imagine. There are some who hear your description and find it completely captivating. Your mom, nursing a knee injury and accepting that her fastest times might be behind her, asks you if you don't have to worry about how fast you run at those races. You tell her no, you don't, because none of them are the same, you can't compare 50k to 50k in a lot of cases, and even then, to you they're so challenging that completing them feels like enough of an accomplishment. She smiles and says idly, 'that sounds nice, not thinking about how fast you're going'. You agree, realizing that life has enough pressures and arbitrary benchmarks and you don't need to be adding to them in your off time.

Others hear about it and it sounds like a foreign religion. Interesting perhaps, but not for them. For good reason; if trails aren't convenient for you, or you are starting to get really fast at road races, there's joy and senses of accomplishment to harvest in those fields. You can run slow up a hill later, after you've assured yourself that you can actually run a 20 minute 5k, or qualify for Boston (or not). Not everyone has that potential in them, but you'll never know if you don't try. I think about the road marathon I signed up for with my brother, wedged between this season's big trail races, and both wince at the though of pushing myself to run 'fast' and grin at the chance to get back to where this crazy journey started - can I run that far? And once I can, can I do it faster? Trail running is really just an extension of those questions - can I run THAT far? Can I run UP that far? Inside any runner, road or trail, is a quiet voice which asks them to see what they have in them.

Transitioning over to trail runs from road racing felt like a rebellion against the neurotic constraints of the sport I have come to love, but in writing this, I've come to the conclusion that it's actually just a transmutation of the same drive that was there from the start. The 17 year old blasting Florence + The Machine on her iPod under the canopy tent at the track meet before a second to last place finish at the 3200m is the 21 year old bumping FloRida in the car to the 5k, where she'd PR in the 5k and 50k in the same week, is the 30 year old zoning out to The 1975 on local trails and having nightmares about Matty Healy before every trail race that year, and all of them are just a manifestation of summoning the courage to, in the words of my sleep paralysis demon himself, 'give yourself a try'.

#fitblr #fitness #runblr #running #ultramarathon #forest #exercise #nature #woods #trails #road racing #contemplation #life

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nieded · 1 year

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AALS, an essay

I have written down my thoughts on how AALS came about and why it's written the way it is. This has spoilers for the story up until Chapter 14, so if you're waiting to catch up, tread carefully. But also, consider this a fair warning about the content of the story if you have heard things and are wondering whether you should pick it up.

When I started writing Sit Tight, Take Hold, I was terrified. I had recently entered this newer phase in my writing where it became ugly and personal, but also therapeutic. If you ever go through my back catalog, you may find a weird story or two. I tend to write a lot either about personal identity or found family, but STTH was the first time I began to address some of the biphobia and insecurities I have experienced in my life in such a specific, acknowledged way.

To preface this, I am Crowley. I am also many other characters in this universe, and Crowley is also other people I have known in my life in this universe, but mainly, Crowley is me. So if putting STTH out there was nerve-wracking, Accept a Little Spin has been doubly so. And the accusations that I am supporting infidelity or emotional cheating or whatever is inaccurate despite these things appearing in the story.

This is why I wrote AALS, to address two specific ideas in my head: self-growth and queerness, and I will explain how it affects both of the main characters.

Self-growth

Ezira is a young man. Twenty-six isn't super young, I suppose, but for me, I had just finished grad school and packed up all my belongings to move halfway across the US to a state I had never visited before, where I knew exactly one person, in a demanding, emotionally exhausting and isolating field I had limited real-life experience with. In short, I felt like a colt on fresh legs. In this way, Ezira is similar. He has been so deep in the closet that he has gone without acknowledging his sexual orientation and how it affects his identity. And now that he has the freedom to explore, he doesn't know who to listen to or where to begin. He has had one job, limited public education, and has now been asked to be the face of gays in sports. That's a big burden.

Ezira makes a lot of mistakes moving forward in this story, but to reach his final form in Part Three, he needs to do the work to self-assess and learn. He needs to experience good things but also the bad. He needs to confront the vast opinions out there in the world and figure out what he wants and what he believes in. Ezira isn't a likeable person in this story, but he is relatable, I think. He is, at least to me. I have rarely liked or fully trusted individuals who are in this stage of life, but it's telling to me that there are readers out there who don't relate to what he's going through. I'm not sorry to say this. If you are someone who doesn't at least get the pressure Ezira is under or that individuals are flawed while still being inherently good, this story isn't for you.

AJ, on the other hand, is well-settled. He has steadfast opinions on the world. He knows what he wants (though he is still learning how to ask for them), but he still has all of this baggage. AJ is a person who has had his trust degraded by people who should have loved him. His parents. His past relationships. His employers. Life taught him that he was a commodity, and he still bases his worth on what he can do for other people. The idea of Acts of Service can be sweet, but in this case, it comes from constantly undervaluing himself and feeling like he has to earn love from people.

His arc about growth is a little longer because the damage is deeper, but he makes great progress in AALS.

Mild spoiler: **There's an upcoming scene in Part Three where Crowley is confronted by this idea of unconditional love, and it doesn't come from who you think it does! But it really feels like the perfect bookend to his arc. It's not necessarily the climax of the story, but it is for me.**

The final quarter of AALS, particularly chapters 16 and 17, are about doing the work individually to not just be a better partner, but to be a better person as a whole. I do not want this story to solely focus on how they can be better for each other. That is not the point of this story. It's about how they can better for themselves and how that positively impacts their interactions with others. These chapters may not feel entirely satisfying, but it's intentional because in my mind, that work never ends.

Queerness

I set out writing AALS to explore the idea of queer identity and queer community, including confronting the bias and misconceptions queer people have of each other. I identify as bi. Hi. I am not out to most people because of fear of judgment, that I will be considered less-than or not 'really queer.' I have had worse reactions coming out to gay and lesbian people than I have had straight people, but let me tell you, straight people have not been great either! Queer comes in every flavor, which is why every queer character has different opinions on what that means and what it looks like. This causes conflict in the story.

The story also addresses the constant microaggressions queer people face. In Chapter 14, Ezira and AJ both hint at Hungary. It's briefly mentioned as well in STTH, but I've never addressed it fully. Something did happen, and it was ugly, but I've never had the energy to put it into words. We have to deal with this shit every day, and despite this story being a reflection on my real life, it was one area I didn't want to explicitly address.

But from misgendering Beez to biphobia to outright legal barriers (hey, did you know it's illegal for homosexuals to marry in Greece? Never mind all the extremely homophobic countries and states both Formula 1 and IndyCar visit), to the internalized homophobia that someone like Lili carries around, queerphobia is a constant, belittling experience across both stories.

To counteract that, however, I very much wanted this story to be about queer community. Does Nolan have stupid opinions as an uneducated, young 19-year-old? Yep! But does he also now have a community of peers that he can learn from? Yes! Spoiler, Nolan remains a prominent member of the brunch club, and no, he does not get dropped as a friend for his gross comments. We don't see his growth because he is a very minor character, but that brunch club and Marnie and Stephen are very much there for him as much as they are there for Ezira. And to counteract Nolan, there's Adam, who seems to be the angel on Ezira's shoulder and a source of reason.

And Lili. Whyyyy Lili? She has been a controversial character in this story. Some of that has been intentional in order for Ezira to confront his own biases. Remember, Ezira has been surrounded by straight people his entire life, comes from a homophobic country, and grew up in a hyper masculine sport. And some of his initial opinions come from a place of misogyny and biphobia. Yep. It's not because he's a bad person, and I wanted to make a point of showing their friendship evolving without some aha! moment.

But Lili is also there to be supportive of Crowley. I never intended for it to come off as Crowley emotionally cheating with Lili, but I do see the point commenters have made. That's part of the joy and burden of putting a story out in the world. It no longer becomes mine but a shared experience. I don't mind these interpretations, but I do get upset when people think she's outright malicious for growing up in a rural Midwest town, feeing lonely, and in need of support.

Lili is for Crowley because I could not imagine him going through IndyCar alone, or confronting his past with Javier, or going through a break in his relationship. He's not necessarily being open with her (is he ever with anyone???), but he has a friend to lean on. And Crowley is for Lili, too. This is her first sense of real queer community where she can be out and open, and it's giving her space to evaluate her past relationship with The Ex because she's never had anyone to talk to before.

And Beez. It's no secret Beez is my favorite character. They aren't featured a lot in this story, but their touch is felt through every moment. They connect Crowley and Lili, and let me tell you, they did it for Lili more than they did it for Crowley. But to my point above, they are also not a perfect character. They sometimes give bad advice, which leads to Crowley and Ezira not talking about their issues for too long. Beez also helped Crowley hide his meeting with Eve. But Beez was the first person to ever love Crowley without conditions, and it steered him away from the self-destructive road he was going to go down alone. Up until now, Beez has been the only family Crowley has had.

Beez is the community in this story. They approached Crowley first. They encourage Lili to connect with Dagon and go back to school. They aren't the oldest character in this story, but they are the one who has been out the longest and knows what it feels like to be without a family, so they push for others to make to those connections.

The point is, AJ and Ezira are endgame, yes, but for me, that's not what this story is about. For me, the story is about growth and community and how it can shape a person to be their best self, so they can share all the love they've received with someone else.

#accept a little spin #rainbow road #ni speaks

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nightshadedawn · 7 months

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Shade's Masterpost

About Me

Hello, hello, hello! Please call me Shade! I accept use of all pronouns, but I do have the most fun with fae/faer, they/them, and ve/vir. I identify as queer simply because I could apply too many labels to myself. The one that takes up the largest part of my identity is my asexuality, so that's the only one I'll name. (I prefer sir to ma'am if you're going to use one, or captain if we're trying to be gender neutral, which I also accept, as it makes me feel like a pirate, which I am)

I've been strongly in fandom since 2014, a little late to the game compared to some! Especially since I always seem to be getting into fandoms as they're dying out. 🤣 My main contributing factors to fandom are fanfiction and videos, and occasionally rants and shitposts, but I'm not terribly good at either of those. But I tend to hang onto all my fandoms, revisiting them occasionally just to check on how they're doing, so I can't fully say I've ever left one. Speaking of, let's list some of those out for you.

My Fandoms

Free!

Haikyuu!!

Yuri on Ice!!!

Ouran High School Host Club

Voltron: Legendary Defender

Banana Fish

Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia

Sk8: The Infinity

Buddy Daddies

Persona 5

Persona 4

Fire Emblem: 3 Houses

Spy x Family

Obey Me!

Percy Jackson

Studio Ghibli

Good Omens

Mythology (Greek/Roman, Norse, Egyptian, Native American, anything else I can get my hands on)

Fairy Tales (og Grimms, Hans Christian Anderson, etc... not Disney things)

Musicals (Phantom of the Opera, Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, a plethora of more, please ask if you'd like to know!)

Our Flag Means Death

New! House of the Dragon (listening to audiobook of Fire & Blood currently)

Is that it? I think that's it for now. I have only written... for about half of them. Read for many. Most of my fanfiction is composed of anime fandoms, not going to lie about that. But I am always up for being prompted! Speaking of, let's look into the prompts.

Writing Prompts

How it works: You can send in a prompt of your own making, or you can choose one from these lists.

300 Words

Fire Emblem 3 Houses Bingo

More lists will be made regularly, and I'm always looking for pompts, especially around the holidays.

Choose one of the fandoms I know, send me a prompt, and we'll get jiggy with it. You can get more detailed, too, adding in what ship you'd like it to be for (I ship many, many things, and have often been convinced to write for ships I don't particularly care for, so don't hold back), or an AU if that's your thing. (It's certainly mine, I like AUs) If you specifically want it in cannon, might specify that too.

As a side note here, I use my Non-Binary Glossary for when I write nonbinary characters. Feel free to use it, and read through it if you see any words you might not immediately realize what they mean when I'm writing them.

My Tumblr Projects

You can find my fanfiction here at NightshadeDawn, but as I've mentioned, fanfiction isn't all I do. Let's dive into some of the other things I do, hm?

Persona 6: Genesis

A fan concept for Persona 6. An entire blog dedicated to it, with posts going through the entire plot of the game, character art created, maps planned out, and various other little things. It's been sort of put on the back burner, but it's still fun to look at sometimes.

Obsidian Sea DLC

A similar concept to Genesis, but so far faring better in the fact the actual story of it is in the works of being written. It's a hypothetical DLC for Fire Emblem: Three Houses that introduces three brand new units as part of Jeralt's Mercenaries, and makes Jeralt playable to round out as their fourth. The main plot of the DLC sees Jeralt's Mercenaries, Byleth, and their students going to Brigid to uncover the reason why people keep coming back from the dead with white hair and crests, then proceeding to turn into Demonic Beasts.

Verdant Wind: The Musical Twin AU

A series of videos edited in such a way that comes across as a musical retelling the story of the Verdant Wind route of Fire Emblem: Three Houses. With the idea that there's various parts that are incorrect either due to being lost to history or because of... "artistic vision."

The Gemini

A Persona 5 fangame that adds a social link for Shiho Suzui, making her a romanceable character while exploring her trauma and how she's growing as a person. Technically playable, but incomplete in my vision.

Frequently Asked Questions

Technically, I have not had any of those yet. But I see this being updated every so often, so it's fine to leave this here.

In Conclusion...

Sifting through the reblogs, the anime stuff, the mild ramblings... be prepared for what you'll find if you continue down this blog. But you've made it thus far, and for that, I applaud you.

But now that you know all my deepest, darkest parts... is there anything else you'd like to know?

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theygender · 2 years

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You know... part of the reason I had a hard time coming to terms with being a lesbian growing up was because I didn't want to be like my mom. I had been through a lot of trauma that was directly related to her choice in women, and there's definitely something to be said for the difficulties that that caused me, but that's not what this post is about

My point is, when I was a kid the idea of anyone ever thinking that I was like my mother made me angry, and that combined with the internalized lesbophobia that I developed made me especially sick at the idea of anyone ever thinking that I was a lesbian. Even worse, I felt like the homophobes in our family expected me to become a lesbian because of their bigoted ideas that gay parents "corrupt" children. I didn't want to be a lesbian because I didn't want to prove them right and I didn't want to be compared to my mother, so I fought hard against ever being interpreted that way

But now, as someone who's reconnecting with my mom on my own terms and finding out that she's changed for the better? As someone who's secure in their identity as a lesbian and grateful for the opportunities that I've had to engage with the LGBT community throughout my life? As someone who loves my mother in spite of her flaws and recognizes the struggles she faced growing up in the 1970s as the first out LGBT person in a homophobic southern family? I'm proud to be as openly gay as I am and I will not be apologetic for it

I WILL look as queer as possible at our family reunions. I WILL make you respect my girlfriend's pronouns. I WILL speak openly and honestly about the woman I love. I WILL be who I am with no compromises. And I will not engage with you if you don't accept this

My mom had to spend way too many years trying to conform to heteronormative standards for her family's acceptance. She had to hide who she was throughout her childhood, and she had to go through conversion therapy when she was outed. Even as an adult she wasn't able to present the way she wanted or speak openly about her partners. She was the first out lesbian in a family full of southern conservative christians, and she had to live through the hell that her family created for her all alone

...But I am the second out lesbian in a family that supports me for who I am. And I'm the first out nonbinary person in a family that supports me for who I am. And I openly and proudly love all the trans people in my life, who are also fully supported by my family. And there's nothing any of my conservative relatives can do about that. I'm accepted by the family that matters, and I have to be afforded the same respect as everyone else at family gatherings. The homophobes no longer have the power in this situation. I get to be who I am, and if they don't like it they have to leave. They spent decades making my mom's identity a problem for her, and now I'm going to make my identity everyone else's problem. Get with the program or die fucking mad

#i really am proud of how much my mom has grown as a person #and im happy that we have supportive family members now too #my grandma. my great grandma. my grandpas wife #my great grandma was the only one who accepted my mom as a kid and shes always been sweet #when i was in high school i had a huge crush / sort of fling with a girl named tori and i guess my mom talked to her about it #my great grandma said she had heard i had a 'good friend' named tori and when i confirmed she told me how wonderful she thought that was #and that she thought we should go to college and get a nice apartment together after we graduated #i didnt even realize that she /knew/ that i was interested in girls before then but that conversation was so sweet #my nana took some time to adjust to trans issues but once she understands she does a great job of being supportive #she accepted my previous best friend (who i called my brother and my mom called her son) as her grandson #and after my mom explained it to her she always got his pronouns right #my mom has had to explain my girlfriends pronouns to her as well but now she makes sure to use the right pronouns for her too #my grandpa is probably the most conservative person in our family. BUT his wife is extremely sweet #her only reaction to my trans girlfriend was to say that one day the three of us should all get together and have a girls day #and whats he going to say about my girlfriend when his wife is being so supportive of her?#what is ANYONE in our family going to say about me or my mom or my girlfriend when all three of the family matriarchs are supportive of us?#you dont come into nanas house and be mean to her grandkids. you dont act like a dick in front of grandma betty #no one can talk shit about my mom for being a lesbian anymore when im there being an even BIGGER dyke and theyre required to be nice to me #and if any of my cousins ever come out theyll be safe now too #i painted myself into a big enough target that every other target would look tiny in comparison #and now that my grandmas have said that no ones allowed to shoot at me everyone has to put down their guns #and im pretty fucking proud of that tbh #thank you for paving the way for me mom. i know you went through a lot #ill take over from here #rambling

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poems-of-a-lover · 10 months

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This is in regards to that post you made today, about anon messages. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't really know where to turn.

Basically, I was born into a very controlling religion, probably borderline cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses. They believe they have the "truth", and that they need to remain separate from the "world" as Jesus supposedly commanded because the end/apocalypse could come at any time and they need to stay away from Satan.

I'm 17 now, about to start my last year of high school this fall and I'm a gay trans man (very much not to the knowledge of my family). My best friend since sixth grade is also trans, and I'm surrounded by lots of queer people (I live in a more accepting area/state). Thankfully, my parents were not in the position to homeschool my siblings and I, even though they had been considering it.

However, all these details lead me to a fork in the road.

A principle of this religion's foundation is preaching the "good news", from the youngest age a person is at any sort able to participate, spending their Saturday mornings every week going around neighborhoods and attempting to convert any and everyone they can.

I've been struggling along for the last 5-7 years or so since I mentally fell out of the religion's traps. However, once I turn 18 I have to commit myself to the religion, which I am in no favor of doing so.

Counting down the months, I find myself stuck in what direction to go, come out to my family (not in the queer sense yet, but rather just saying I don't believe in it anymore) and risk losing them entirely, or stay stuck in a place that is making every attempt to subdue and oppress me into a pretty, feminine, docile girl. I'll lose my mind if I have to stay in here any longer than I absolutely have to, but I don't know how to leave.

I'll turn 18 before I graduate, and I don't know what will happen past then. How do I take care of legal documents, doctors, college, those sorts of things (that part is largely rhetorical). My best friend has offered to take me in if/when I need it, and I think he said his parents/living-in family was alright with it (he's told them about me and my living situation), but I don't want to burden him cause he has his own issues--that's the same reason I'm writing this to you rather than asking him for help/advice again.

I hope you can find it in you read all of that, I'm sorry its so long but I felt it was necessary to fully explain it all. Also I wanted to thank you for your blog, I know there's not really any point to that but it's nice to read and see when I'm feeling down, it helps me feel validated in my identity. Have a good day/night/whatever's going on.

first off, im so, sorry that ur stuck in a position like this. u shouldn't have to be stuck in that type of position with those outcomes and those losses, and i really hope ur able to get out of there safely soon. i know it seems like it might be a burden on ur friend to take up his offer, like ur imposing or taking advantage or whatever reason, but if that's the safest option, i definitely recommend it. at least until ur able to come up with a more permanent/long term plan, it's good to have a safe place with people who respect u. ofc i don't know what it's like to be in a religious family like that, so my advice is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know it firsthand, but i feel like forcing urself to ignore ur identity for the sake of someone else's beliefs and comfortability will just cause more harm than good. i do hope ur able to live ur life the way u want, without having to water down or oppress ur identity for the sake of others. it will get better, maybe not now or soon, but eventually. if u ever need to talk about anything else, my inbox is always available for things like this!! and im so glad u find comfort in my blog, ive gotten that from a few ppl actually, that seeing queerness and loving men in a positive and safe light is helpful. again, if u ever need anything, my inbox is open <3

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odyssey-xxartsy · 10 months

Text

Hey. 💗✨

Probably should have done this introduction stuff months ago but never really thought about it until now. So, here we go.

Name:

Odyssey/Ody/Alannah

Born:

12th July, 1999

Star sign:

Cancer

Age:

Pronouns:

She/her

Nationality:

Irish (and I still live in Ireland)

Skin tone:

White/Caucasian

Sexuality:

Bisexual

◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉

Likes:

Music (Gorillaz, Franz Ferdinand, The Chemical Brothers, yuné pinku, Kate Bush, Coldplay, Blur, etc.), art, water colours, pastel colours, cats, rabbits, horses, flowers, movies (mostly horror/supernatural/animated/comedy movies), anime (just got back into it with "Bungo Stray Dogs" after 5 years of not watching any), the works of Tim Burton (mostly his films, but back in November, I started watching "Wednesday"), supernatural beings, photography, chocolate - dark chocolate too, coffee, latte, cappuccino, hot chocolate, bowling, the colour purple, pizza, Chinese food, Indian food, burgers, noodles/ramen, Identity V, arcade games and air hockey.

Dislikes:

Country music, opera music, tea, spicy food, golf, football (the European kind, but yeah, pretty sure the American version counts too), rugby, heights, overcrowded places, social situations (I have social anxiety disorder, ever since I was a kid - I always feel too overwhelmed and stuck for words) - this especially goes for speaking in front of people or presenting something to them, swimming (almost drowned once on holidays, I slipped on the pool floor and fell under for a few seconds - I was terrified), seafood, art stealers and tracers, being alone or left out and spiders.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Extra Information:

I'm a very creative person. Got a head filled with tons of art ideas ever since I was a little girl. I only do traditional art right now and currently use an app called "Snapseed" to edit them. Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to do digital art. 😊🤞🏻

I also love taking pictures, sometimes, of myself (yeah, selfies). Mostly though, I prefer taking pictures of anything around me. Usually ends up being street, nature and/or landscape photography. Been interested in it for well over six years. 📸

Been interested in anything supernatural for the past decade now. Which ends up being my favourite kind of horror movie/TV show genre. Animated or not. My family thinks I have a problem. 😆

I may have OCD and ADHD. I'm not exactly sure, since I was never diagnosed. But I feel like I have both. There's definitely something going on in my head that itches if I don't do this or that. Or if something feels out of place. 😣

By the way, I fully support the LGBTQ+ community, given the fact that I'm of course, a part of it myself. So, any hate expressed towards the community, I definitely don't tolerate it. Not even on my profile. Anyone who expresses such hate will be blocked and reported.

The same thing goes for racism and any hate towards any religion, and even someone's culture. Blocked and reported. Everyone is accepted here.

✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

If anyone has any questions, anything you guys want to know about me that I didn't mention here, feel free to ask. Nothing inappropriate though. Keep it SFW.

Thank you. ♥︎♥︎

#introduction #about my account #artists on tumblr #fan account

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