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siriuslysmoking · 5 months

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Friends

Part 2 of Meddle About

Series Masterlist

A/N: Next chapter is a time skip. Kinda in a Chase Atlantic Era tbh. Also I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t look good in green.

Pairing: Fem!college student x sugar daddy!steve

Warnings: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, alcohol consumption, age gap (R:21, S:29), Reader has a memory about her grandpa (literally sum my grandpa used to do for me), Mention of bad family experience/relationships, No mention of race or body shape (except a hint at reader with big boobs)

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: Working and being a student is tough, you never seem to have a moment to yourself, so when one of you co-workers needs a shift and offers to take your saturday night double, you take it. Finally going out with your friends you encounter a strange man with a strange proposition.

-Heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved Running in circles, now look what you've done (woo) Give you my word as you take it and run Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now (woo)-

Steve picks you up two days later. He's sitting in his Red BMW outside your cheap apartment and you feel a little self conscious about your home as he sits in his freshly cleaned expensive car.

The two of you had been messaging for a couple days and he has decided that instead of taking your measurements to the seamstress that it would be better to go in person.

You are worried, you haven't been alone with Steve, you didn't know what to expect.

Before you left your apartment you sent your friend your active location and Steve's whole name. You had asked for his entire name and he gave it willingly, understanding the need for safety.

He sits patiently in the front seat as you walk out your building's front door. He beams as he notices you, your appearance is nothing special, you are wearing a summer dress with converse and your normal jewelry and simple makeup.

You adjust the straps of your cross body bag as he exits the car and rounds the side to open your door. He looks like he wanted to give you a hug, but he seemingly thinks better of it.

Once you enter the car, he goes around and sits himself into the driver's seat. "Hi, how are you?"

"Good." You nod with a smile, meeting his eyes.

"How was your classes?"

"They were fine, I'm finishing up an Art History portfolio."

"That's good." He nods, adjusting the radio's volume for it to be a small ambiance music. "So, I wanted to talk more about this event with you."

"Okay," You adjust your body to face him. He puts the car in drive as he continues to talk.

"So, I work for this big company that my father used to run and we host a yearly charity event where we auction off art and different things for different charities." You nod along as he turns a corner, "I've never taken a date before and I've always been given shit for it. I don't want people's attention on my dating life when there is an auction for the homeless going on."

You nod not knowing what to really say to that.

He looks to you, not for an answer but for some sort of confirmation of your comfortability of the situation. "Are you still wanting to do this? I can turn around and lose your number if you prefer."

"No it's not that." You start to fidget with your hands, meeting his eyes at a red light. "It's just the only nice event I've ever been to is a wedding, so I don't know how to go about this. I mean- the nicest thing I own is my bridesmaid dress from my cousin's wedding."

"That's fine. I didn't assume that you would have a ball gown just handy- no sane person does." He laughs, "And just be yourself, no one else's opinion matters, you're coming so I don't go insane."

You laugh along with him, "I don't think I'll have a problem conversing with you, It's just I assume we'll be sitting next to people, what do you want me to tell them? That I'm a college student barely making ends meet as a waitress."

"Sure, I don't care." He shrugs, you give him a are you serious? look. "Tell them your plans after college, avoid questions you don't want to answer."

"You make it sound easy."

"Must be the years of practice." He smiles, adding to your comfort. "We're here."

You didn't even notice that you had shifted into park. Outside of a white dress shop with a black sign and matching window frames. It was a modern rustic feel. "Ready?"

You nod unbuckling and opening your door. When you stand on the pavement he gives you a playful scoff, "I'm supposed to get your door."

"My bad." You raise your hands in surrender, "I'll remember that."

He points a light-hearted accusatory finger at her and he utters with a smile, "You better."

You both enter the shop and he talks to the lady and the counter, talking about the appointment he made. "I wanted to ask, what's your favorite color? or what you look good in."

"I like blue and green and red." You huff out a laugh, "I'm not really against any color."

"Good, I told them that any color would probably work but you can talk to her about the different cuts and types of dresses you like."

"Okay."

He looks you in your eyes like he's searching for the answer that he hasn't even asked yet. "Are you sure about this? You can tell me to fuck off."

"You already asked me this, Steve." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Right, sorry."

"Don't be." You shake your head, following the lady that guides you behind a silk curtain.

"Hello, you must be Steve." The seamstress looks to you, "and you?"

You give her your name and she smiles as she asks for your regular dress size. You give it to her and she nods, grabbing the measuring tape that is wrapped around her neck like a scarf.

"Alright, let's start from the bottom." She motions you to step on an elevated platform. "arms up, hips and waist first."

You look to Steve who smiles as he sits down in the loveseat in the corner.

Four days later you get home from your day shift at work and see a car sitting out front.

The newly familiar BMW sits outside your apartment. He gets out as soon as he sees you walking down the street. "Hi."

You smile at him, "hey, what are you doing here?"

"Your dress is done and I thought that I would hand deliver it to you and if you feel comfortable I would love to see you try it on."

"Yeah! Sure, come on in." You wave him over as he grabs a big white box from his backseat.

He follows you up to your apartment while asking you about your day. You answer happily, asking him about his.

"Would you like something to drink or a snack?"

"I'm okay."

"Wanna get straight to the show?" You ask, his smiling as he makes himself comfortable on the beaten-up couch. He hums in agreement, motioning for you to grab the box. "Alright I will be right back, feel free to snoop, but I must say whatever you find that might in the slightest be embarrassing, just assume it's my roommate’s."

"Will do." He laughs as you turn to look back at him before closing your door.

Once you unfold it you let out a soft gasp. It is utterly breathtaking, it has a deep v-neck cut, spaghetti straps that don't seem very trustworthy to support you throughout the night. It has a slit in the side to give you more movement. It looks silk but has some stretch to it.

You strip down, pulling the deep green fabric over your body.

As you start to pull up the zipper in the back it suddenly gets stuck. You try to zip it three times before sighing and moving to your door. "Hey Steve, would you help me zip it up? I think it's stuck."

He looks up, meeting your eyes quickly. "Yeah of course."

You smile and turn around in the doorway as he comes up from behind you.

The fingers on your back make you shiver, you silently hope he doesn't notice the goosebumps growing on your arms. "There, just needed a little tug."

You turn facing him and realize that you are only inches away from him, you can feel his breath on your cheeks. You both meet each other's eyes, locking into his hazel eyes. You don't want to break this little trans that you're both put in, but if it goes on any longer it might get awkward. You lightly whisper, "Thank you."

He clears his throat, taking a step back, and looks you up and down. "You look beautiful." He pauses, before clearing his throat again, "T-The dress fits great."

"It does fit, very well actually." You look down at yourself, "Nothing has ever fit me this well before, thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiles at you.

"You look like a fucking goddess." Mia whispers as she finishes up applying your lipstick. "I can't get over it. God, I need a Steve in my life."

Over the past two weeks Steve has taken you to a dress shop, out to lunch, out to dinner, and just regular shopping. It feels so surreal, you feel so weird saying this but this does not feel like something that would happen to you.

"He's so sweet." You sigh, "and it's not even because he buys me things, like he refuses for me to open any door."

That hit a little too close to home. Growing up your grandpa used to yell at you if you would open the car door before he could come around the car and open the door for you. He would tell you that only a man worth keeping would open your door for you.

You smile at the memory.

You hear the doorbell and Mia seems to fucking giggle. She's truly living vicariously through you.

You walk to the door and open it to Steve who is wearing a black suit with a black button up underneath, he looked good.

"Woah-You look breathtaking, angel." He smiles.

"Thank you," You slightly whisper, "You don't look so bad yourself."

His smile seems to widen. Then his eyes drift to something behind you, you follow his gaze. "You don't have to hide, Mia."

You were surprised he remembered her name from the one time you mentioned it in a story, usually saying 'my roommate'.

"Hey, Steve." She walks out of the doorway she was hiding in, "'m not hiding, just watching from a distance."

He gives her a playful look and she just retreats to her room with her head down. "Oh, before I forget, here."

He shoves a black card into your hand. "It has twelve thousand on it, after tonight it might be closer to twenty."

"W-what?" You laugh nervously, "I thought you were joking about that whole thing."

"I'm a man of my word." He thrusts the card closer to you and you slowly take it with slightly shaky hands, "Shall we go?"

You smile and nod after shoving the card into your crossbody bag. He grabs a hold of your hand, guiding you down the stairs in your heels.

The drive was silent underneath the low sound of music from the stereo.

You travel downtown in no time and Steve drives the care into the line of the valet.

"Alright, I will be bombarded with work questions. Feel free to have as many drinks as you require, I will take you home tonight, so if it's just that painful, feel free drink your annoyance away."

"It's okay, Steve." You place your hand on his thigh, calling his rant to a stop. "I'm sure I'll be okay, you should meet my family, If I can deal with them I can deal with anything."

"Alright then." Steve nods and he looks down to his lap, that's when you pull away your hand, realizing that you had left it there.

You two join hands after he rounds the car, he helps you out and guides you up the stairs into the ballroom. The ballroom… It looked ancient, golden and white, sculptures and paintings on the ceiling. The white tiles floor is covered in circular tables.

“Let’s dance, so we can avoid the grating voices of others for just a few more minutes.” Steve speaks into your ear, guiding you onto the dance floor.

“Uh-Steve, I don’t know how to dance.”

“We must’ve gone over this, yes?”

“No.”

“Okay, that’s okay, close your eyes and let me guide you. Put your hand on my shoulder and in my hand and I’ll help you.”

You close your eyes and his warm arm settles on your waist, pulling you closer into him. The both of you dance in silence, you feel his body heat against your front, oddly comforting you.

Once the song comes to a close he guides you to your table that’s in the middle of the dinning section of the ballroom. There is a stage up ahead, with the ballroom behind, and the tables in the middle section.

You sat next to him and he called over a waiter, there were a few people that arrived before you. “This is Billy… and his date,”

Steve kind of leaves the question up in the air, not knowing her name. “Charisa.” She smiles, leaning over the table to shake your head, you see the way she pulls her shoulders together to accentuate her cleavage, but you try to ignore that, getting it, she’s a pretty woman.

“And Tommy and his wife Melanie.” He pointed to the next group, Tommy looked at you with a smirk, he was the man from the other night who refused to call you your name and you recognize Billy as the one who is seemingly allergic to scallops.

“We’ve met you before.” Billy points at you.

“Um, yes, I believe we have.” You smile with a nod, he gives you a smirk, like he knows all of your secrets, Steve rested a supporting hand on top of your thigh that is peaking out from the slit in your dress. “I think you came to the restaurant that I work at, one day.”

The table goes quiet, but Mealanie smiles, “Is this the restaurant that you went to that you said that they had the most delicious Steak? Because I want to have a group there some night, but it’s awfully full recently with the holidays coming up.”

“Yes, I do believe that that was that restaurant.” Tommy says, not breaking eye contact with you.

“I would love some help getting a reservation for it, I could do you a favor of course or repay you in some way, but I would be so appreciative.”

“Of course! I’d be happy to help.” You smile.

“Wonderful! I’d love to get your number or something so we can hookup!”

“Perfect.” You smile wider, it’s starting to hurt, you’re not quite sure how you feel about this interaction, but Steve calms your nerves by rubbing his thumb up and down your thigh.

“The waitress, Steve?” Billy laughs, shaking his head. You furrow your eyebrows, looking at Steve, he just rolls his eyes, squeezing onto your thigh.

“We’re gonna go make our rounds, okay?” Steve announced, standing up and taking ahold of your hand.

You and Steve make your rounds and you stay quietly at his side while he says hello to his business friends.

The next few hours were nothing but ‘hello’, ‘how is the family’, ‘my mom’s good, how are the kids?’. That when both you and Steve get back to the table, the auction starts.

“So since we’re not bidding on anything we’ll just sit here.” He leans back against his chair, swishing around his liquor in his glass. “Need a refill?”

“No, I don’t think I need to drink until I drop.” You smile at him, also relaxing in your chair. “I’m having a nice time with you.”

“I am too, sweetheart, It’s much less painful with you here.” He looks to you, giving you a lazy smile, his eyes seem to sparkle and you’re not sure if it’s the lighting or the alcohol.

“This is nice, Steve.” You send the lazy smile back.

“Yeah…” He trails off quietly, his eyes looking down for a moment, glancing at your lips, you thought you had imagined it but when he does it again, you know that you didn’t.

He leans in closer and when you feel like he’s about to give in and close the gap between you the man on stage loudly says, “I’ve got four hundred thousand, do I hear five hundred?”

You hear Steve sigh from next to you, looking toward the stage.

Taglist:

@glamourbabe17 @eddiesguitarskills @paradise-summertime @taeteddybear @strangerparks @ali-r3n @sunmoonandstars2000 @rvllybllply2014

(I tagged anyone that showed an interest in a part 2)

comment if you want to be added to the taglist or removed

likes and reblogs appreciated

#He is literally the loml #Live Laugh Love Steve #Spotify #steve harrington #steve harrigton x reader #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x plus size!reader #steve harrington x plus sized reader #steve harrington x reader #stranger things s4 #stranger things 4 #stranger things #steve harrington x you #Meddle About

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taeghi · 2 years

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𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 : part one

their profiles | [a playlist]

PAIRING ▸ lee heeseung x fem bodied!reader

SUMMARY ▸ realizing that jake won't fall in love with you after overhearing he's only into experienced girls is something that you thought would crush your chances for good- thankfully, heeseung is up to teach you a few things, even if he does hate you.

WORD COUNT ▸ 9,800

GENRE ▸ enemies 2 lovers, angst, SMUT ; fingering etc

TAGLIST ▸ @rerequire @mymeloem19 @shadowsofthewild @defxciii @heejaykeluv @nikirikii @enhaluv22 @holybxba yedammi @lhsng @bamchanbin @nalwhare @i-dalso @jaeyunslut @laffatae

minors dni

masterlist

IF SOMEONE TOLD YOU LEE HEESEUNG WOULD HELP YOU GET JAKE SIM TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE BELIEVED IT.

sometimes you like to think that lee heeseung and you have been sworn enemies in every life the both of you had the unfortunate chance of living together- and sometimes you wonder if lee heeseung thinks the same.

you aren’t sure what exactly caused you and heeseung to not be able to converse calmly with each other- but you know it started the second you met each other in freshman year. you want to put one hundred percent of the blame on heeseung for your strained relationship but you’re too self-aware to not be able to acknowledge your wrongdoings (something that lee heeseung definitely can’t do!). maybe on certain occasions you shouldn’t have said the insult to heeseung that had been resting on your tongue all day- or maybe you shouldn’t have flipped him off when passing him in the hallway- and maybe you could have thought of another way to express your dislike of his music instead of unplugging the aux from his phone and yelling at him in front of everyone at the party to “shut your shitty music off because no one wants to hear it!”.

but you swear, lee heeseung has done worse to you than you have done to him.

one time in sophomore year, heeseung recorded you throwing up in the bathroom of a party you were at and posted it on snapchat for basically the whole school to see. you never threw up from alcohol again afterwards, but that didn’t stop all your peers from calling you the ‘ultimate lightweight’. another time, a year later, heeseung spilt his juice box all over you in the cafeteria, leaving your whole chest and shirt drenched and sticky. his excuse for that one was because you weren’t looking where you were going. there have been multiple other incidents where lee heeseung has left you angry or humiliated that just furthered the both of you from ever being friends.

though, one good thing did come out of being enemies with lee heeseung: and that was jake sim.

jake sim moved from australia to your hometown at the beginning of your junior year (thankfully a year after heeseung posted the vomit vid). everything about him had caught your eye and unfortunately everyone else’s. jake had quickly become the heartthrob of your school and found himself amid a new love almost every other month. heeseung and his friend group took jake sim under their wing almost instantly, parading the school’s new heartthrob around with them as if it made their friend group even hotter (it did).

somehow, heeseung’s friend group and your own had intertwined sometime during freshman year and became one big group (besides you and heeseung) and unfortunately for all of them, they had to put up with yours and heeseung’s constant bickering. when jake had first started hanging out with you all, you tried to keep your fighting with heeseung on the down low, which worked for maybe the first day before you were almost busting your vocal cords with the volume you were yelling at him with.

if jake thought you and heeseung’s arguing was bothersome or weird he never said anything about it. you remember during one of your first fights with heeseung in front of jake, you saw jake laugh and wink at you, making you stutter out of shock and heeseung mock it for the rest of the day.

it soon seemed like every time you were with jake, you ended up liking him more and more- even sometimes you could block out heeseung with how lost in thought you were while watching jake interact with your other friends. you never got the chance to be alone with jake- you almost did once when you invited him and the rest of your friends over to swim in the pool last summer- purposefully telling jake the wrong time you told everyone else so that it could be you and him alone for an hour.

though your plans were thrown in the garbage when jake showed up with jay and heeseung behind him. you remember the burn on your cheeks when jay asked why you had told him a different time than you had told jake. thankfully they got distracted when heeseung whined that at least they got an invite and how you were stealing his friends.

it wasn’t a secret that jake sim and his friends liked to sleep around with girls in your school. you’d need more fingers on your hands to count the number of girls your friends had slept with. it never bothered you when you had to eat your lunch with them and listen to their stories about the girl they had just got into bed with- or their stories about the past weekend and how many girls they had hooked up with at a party.

what did bother you, was the fact that jake was only into girls with experience.

the first time you had heard jake explains that he liked when a girl knew exactly what to do turned him on unease settled through your body. but you thought that maybe he was only talking about the girls that he randomly hooked up with- and that he didn’t care if his girlfriend was experienced or not.

but, the closer of friends you became with jake- the more you questioned your rationalization because jake would go on for hours about his perfect girl and that included her being knowledgeable in every relationship concept.

the girls at your school that jake sim fucked were always the pretty, popular and known to be experienced ones. you didn’t have anything against the girls that jake fucked- but your heart would always clench when the time of night at a party came around when he would disappear and find a girl to leave with- and every time so far that girl has never been you.

in a certain way, you didn’t mind that jake didn’t wanna leave the party with you and fuck you for the night just to forget your name the next day. you were thankful for your friendship with jake sim- even if that meant you had to deal with the lineup of girls waiting at his locker every day- dying for his attention.

you knew that you would never be one of those girls to jake- you were different- so you would end up with him with a different approach than the other girls: he’d realize his feelings for you through your friendship.

so, you waited for all of your sophomore and junior year for jake to realize his feelings for you.

you figured that it would happen during the summer of junior to senior year- when your friend group spent every day together at the beach where jake even taught you to surf for a week straight. he’d wait outside your house around noon to pick you up so you could have a ‘lesson’ with him an hour before all your other friends showed up at the beach.

you figured that one of those summer nights jake would pull you aside when you were at a party and tell you that he wants you- in more than one way.

you liked to fantasize that jake sim would ask to walk you home after a party where it was just the two of you and you would laugh together and talk about the little inside jokes the both of you had created through the years of your friendship and at last you would have the perfect summer, friends-to-lovers romance story that everyone would be jealous of.

but every night that summer until september was approaching quickly and the beach was closing for the cooler seasons- you left the party with your friends and even sometimes with stupid lee heeseung when he had not been able to find a girl to hook up with that night. all your other friends would pray that heeseung would find someone to leave with so they wouldn’t have to hear your drunk arguing on the way home.

when your senior year started you felt a bit taken aback since your dream summer romance fantasy didn’t play out the way you wanted it to. you replayed all of your memories with jake and you couldn’t think of anything that would prevent jake from confessing his feelings to you. except for one thing…

that you’re a virgin.

an inexperienced-haven’t-even-kissed-a-boy-yet virgin.

but how would he have known?

you had only told some of your friends about your virgin status and had made them swear on their lives to not tell anyone. and you trusted those friends because you had been friends with them since middle school and been with them almost every day of every year since then.

so sat down with your friends in the cafeteria during the first week of senior year and complained to them about jake sim like you had done almost every day of every year since you had known him.

“oh my god, y/n,” choerry groaned, “why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“because,” you rolled your eyes at your best friend, “it would be so embarrassing if he didn’t like me back!- or if he rejected me because I'm a,” you shushed your voice for the last word, “virgin.”

“okay,” ryujin nodded, taking a sip of her drink, “how about you lose your virginity.”

“wow, it’s like you guys don’t ever listen to me.” you sat back in your chair.

the idea of you losing your virginity just for the sake of having experience for sim jake ran through your head constantly but you knew that you’d never be able to do it. you liked the idea of losing your virginity to someone that you liked- and not just to someone who wanted to fuck you and then say goodbye forever.

“we listen to you, y/n,” chaeryeong rubbed your shoulder, “we’ve just run out of ideas for how to get jake to confess to you.”

you scoff, “tell me about it, i try to think of different ways everyday- i thought for sure jake would’ve confessed this summer.”

“i’m sorry, girl.” choerry gave you a sympathetic smile from across the table, “but this school year is just starting so don’t give up!”

“yeah, i’m sure he’ll come to his stupid boy senses by the end of the year.” ryujin encouraged you, crumpling up her garbage in her hands.

“maybe he’ll come to them by this weekend at the party!” chaeryeong suggested excitedly, clasping her hands together right before the school’s bell went off, signalling that lunch was over.

“yeah! you never know! maybe jake needs a week back to school to realize how much he loves you!” choerry twirled her finger in your face as you all stood up from your table.

“yeah, maybe.” you felt hope resurface back into your chest with your friends’ words.

“y/n and jake! y/n and jake!” chaeryeong chanted moving her hands side-to-side with every syllable she pronounced.

“shh!” you shushed your friend with a laugh, “do you want the whole school to know, chae?”

“i’m sorry! i’m just excited! especially for the party this weekend!” she apologized sheepishly to you.

“me too! the first party of the school year is always the best!” choerry announced with a tone of knowing in her voice.

“for sure!” chaeryeong wrapped her arm over choerry’s shoulder as the two of them started to follow everyone else out of the cafeteria.

“you coming?” ryujin asked you, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

“yeah, yeah. i gotta drop off some papers to the office before class for the teacher so i’ll see you later!” you reassured your friend before she smiled at you and followed the other two.

you were late leaving the cafeteria and walked with your head down looking over the papers you had to hand in, not glancing at the leftover students in the hallways as the cafeteria doors closed behind you.

“so you like jake?”

you wish you couldn’t recognize lee heeseung’s voice so quickly.

you whipped your head around to look at the taller boy, his black bangs falling into his eyes as he looked down at your shorter figure. an annoying smirk sat on his lips like usual when he was about to annoy and tease you.

and if it wasn’t for those exact four words in his question you would’ve been quicker to respond with a snarky comment that would just make him breathlessly chuckle under his breath- but because of the four words your heartbeat had significantly picked up the pace and your eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“w-what did you just say?” you voiced weakly- not believing that lee heeseung of all people knows about your crush on jake sim. you considered this fact to be your literal hell and now it has become reality.

heeseung scoffed with a roll of his eyes, “you know what i said- or have you gone deaf now?”

“i’m not deaf, heeseung, you’re just stupid.” you hoped that your usual banter would distract him from the topic he had brought up.

“how am i the stupid one when you were talking about jake so loud in the cafeteria i’m surprised the whole school didn’t hear you.”

your mind flashed back to the minutes before while you sat with your friends in the cafeteria- contemplating if you guys were talking just as loud as heeseung said you were. there was no way you could be that stupid- no.

“hello?” a flick to your forehead made you look back up to heeseung, “earth to y/n are you there or is your mind just filled to the brim of jake.” heeseung teased you, singing his friend’s name off of the tip of his tongue.

“heeseung, seriously, i don’t know what you heard but you’ve heard wrong like usual.” you tried to persuade him to think of anything other than the fact that what he heard was one hundred percent true. and this was just your luck because of course lee heeseung had to be the one to find out about your crush. heeseung only laughed at your statement, making you huff out your breath and ask him what he found so funny.

“just the fact that not only are you stupid but you’re a liar, too. i heard what you said y/n and i know jake’s into isa.” heeseung declared, crossing his arms over his broad chest that was covered in the school’s sports sweater that he and all his friends liked to wear.

your eyebrow quirked up at the new information, “really? and how do you know.”

heeseung scoffed again at you, “because i’m his best friend- i know who he’s into.”

“i think sunghoon is his best friend.”

heeseung’s prideful expression dropped at your annoying statement, “fine, then i’m his second-best friend.”

“mm, i think jay is his second best friend.”

“fine, then i’m his third.”

“well, what about-.”

“god y/n, i’m one of jake’s best friends i know what girls he likes.” heeseung exasperated out with a huff. ‘

you knew of park isa- well everyone did. she was pretty and sweet and popular and experienced. she was on the dance team at your school and always lead all the teams’ dances- she was good and already had a dance scholarship to university.

you weren’t surprised that jake was into her.

but you still felt hurt; park isa was like everything you weren’t and had everything you didn’t: including jake sim.

while you mentally compared yourself to park isa and went over the reasons why it was no shock that jake liked her- heeseung’s patience was continuously growing thin with you as he watched you zone out for the second time during your conversation. “y/n.”

“why’d you tell me that heeseung?” you asked him as you stepped back away from him, “besides the fact that you want to see me upset.”

“because i like isa.”

you blinked at the information lee heeseung was throwing at you today. you had known heeseung for almost four years and he had never mentioned having a crush on anyone. he always said he was going to wait until after university to settle down (which always made you roll your eyes at his immaturity and player ways) .“okay and?”

“and i have a proposition for you.”

“like what?” you could feel your ears perk up at heeseung’s words- realizing that you had never listened to heeseung so in-depth before which made you mentally curse yourself and him.

“like,” heeseung took a step towards you to close the space you had made in between you previously, “i’ll help you get jake to like you,” you felt yourself straighten up at his words, “if you help me get isa to like me.”

you tsked at his words- not believing that he wanted you to help him get with isa- the sweetest and prettiest girl in your school. as if a girl like her would like him. the challenge seemed to be to trick isa into thinking heeseung was just as sweet as her and as if he was caring- but you were still intrigued. “how would you help get jake to like me?”

heeseung smirked down at you with a playful tint in his eye, “i can help you out with your little virgin problem.”

you felt like the wind was blown out of you- and not in a good way.

there was no way that lee heeseung had found out about your crush on jake and your biggest secret on the same day and was now confronting you with them in the middle of the hallway. heeseung titled his head to the side at your silence, silently beckoning you to answer him.

“h-how do you know- why do you think i’m a virgin?” you caught yourself and hoped he didn’t notice.

heeseung shrugged, “it's obvious.”

“obvious?” you repeated his word, “how is it obvious?”

“because you get flustered so easily.”

“flustered? heeseung what the hell are you talki-.” you cut yourself off when heeseung took a step towards you, leaning down so his face was an inch away from yours. it was then you realized how close you had backed away into the lockers behind you. “hee-.” his hand came up and rested on the locker beside your head.

your breath got caught in your throat again and you felt a flustered feeling rush up your body when you realized he was pining you into the lockers- his warm body so close to yours you could feel the heat and breath on your face. when you looked down at the floor after seeing his face so up close heeseung laughed- your shoes were not more interesting at the moment but you couldn’t get yourself to look up from pure embarrassment.

“see y/n? you even get flustered from me.” heeseung’s words angered you but you couldn’t voice any words with the proximity of your faces. “i know you’re a virgin and i know just how easily flustered they get,” heeseung moved closer to your ear and lowered his voice, “know how easily wet they get.”

you feel a whimper in the back of your throat but force it down when you hear heeseung start to cackle in front of you. as quick as he was leaning down into your ear is as quick as he is to be a reasonable distance away from you- as if he was never that close to you before. you feel heat rush into your cheeks and hope that your face isn’t as red as you feel it is.

“god, you should’ve seen you just then! i have never seen y/l/n y/n so out of control before!” heeseung’s eyes were almost shut from how hard he was laughing at you. you were quick to glance around the hallway and let out a quiet sigh of breath when you realized no other students or teachers were roaming around.

the longer heeseung laughed the more anger filled your body, “god heeseung you are so- so-,”

“so what?” heeseung interrupted your stuttering thoughts, “hot? sexy? attractive?”

“no!” you stood up to him, able to look at his face again, “annoying! and frustration! and- idiotic.”

heeseung stopped his smile and laughter at your insults, turning serious again too quickly for your mind to take in, “am i that idiotic to be able to come up with the plan that will get jake to like you back?”

the topic of jake made you realize that heeseung was one hundred percent being serious about this whole jake and isa switch plan.

“how would it even work, heeseung? you know you have a bad habit of over dreaming things.”

heeseung ignored your jab, “well aren’t you friends with isa?” you nodded in response, “so you will talk to her about who she likes- figure out if she’s also into jake- and if she is then you tell her he’s into someone else- then you can talk to her about me- since i am jake’s best friend we’re like similar so she’ll see the appeal,” you rolled your eyes at him, “it’ll work if we time it all right.”

“and how are we going to get jake to like me?”

“we’ll find someone that you think is relatively cute with a big mouth so when you hook up with him he’ll spread the word- which means people will know you’re not a virgin which means jake will know you’re not a virgin- meanwhile isa will back off of him because she’ll think he likes someone else- when jake realizes isa is backing off he’ll turn to someone who he’s close with- which will be you- and he’ll realize that he likes you.”

heeseung’s plan was stupid.

stupid that it might work if you timed it right.

but,

“i’m not hooking up with a random guy that i think is relatively cute so he just tells the whole school i’m a whore, heeseung.”

heeseung sighed, “well how do you want to be known for not being a virgin- because that’s what jake thinks you are- and you know he likes experienced girls. and if we lie and tell people you’re not a virgin, when you and jake hook up i think it’ll be extremely obvious that you have no idea what you’re doing.”

“i-i don’t know,” you looked down again, trying to think of what to do. “i just don’t want to do something so personal with someone i don’t know.”

heeseung hummed as he took in your words and thought, “how about you hook up with one of jake’s friends?”

“what? no!” you exclaimed, appalled with his idea.

“why not? you know all of his friends and plus they will tell jake that they hooked up with you!”

“because heeseung that’s weird! and jake wouldn’t want to date me if i hooked up with one of his friends!”

heeseung shrugged, “we’ve all hooked up with the same girls before i’m sure he wouldn’t care about that.”

“ew,” you said flatly and disgusted.

it went silent between you two as you thought of a plan, “how about,” heeseung started, pushing his hair out of his eyes so he could look at you seriously, “i teach you some things- if you’re a good enough actress then when you and jake hook up he might fall for it and think you’ve done it before.”

“but,” you tilted your head, “i’d wanna know if im good or not- god! what if i’m really bad and then when i hook up with jake he thinks i’m inexperienced and bad?”

“y/n, i-.”

“and god! what if someone finds out i learnt it from you! and then jake doesn’t want to date me because I hooked up with his best friend!”

“y/n,” heeseung started again.

“and wouldn’t it be weird if we touched each other everyone knows we hate each other!”

“y/n!” heeseung grabs your shoulders to stop your rambling, “shut up for five seconds, my god you’re annoying.”

you opened your mouth to return an insult but shut it when heeseung gave you a stern look. his hands dropped from your shoulders and backed away from you again, “i’d just teach you the basics of anything you want to know- we don’t have to touch each other. we’d do anything you’d want to go over. and i wouldn’t tell anyone- ever- trust me, god forbid if anyone knew that i hooked up with you.”

you tried to ignore the sense of hurt that washed over you and focused on the plan at hand as you went over the option. you did know heeseung (whether you like to or not) and you wouldn’t have to have sex with him- just briefly go over the ‘basics’ like he said. and you strangely trusted him not to tell anyone- because it wasn’t just you in this mess- it was him as well.

“we’d do anything i want to go over?” you inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“anything you want,” heeseung affirmed with a nod.

“we can’t tell anyone we’re doing this lee heeseung- ever.”

“no one will know but us, y/l/n y/n.”

you stuck your hand out towards him, “then we have a deal- i help you with isa and you help me with jake.”

heeseung smirked and met his hand with yours, “we have a deal.”

you tried to not focus on how large his hand was compared to yours as it wrapped around yours so eagerly.

“we can meet after school tomorrow and go over the plan in more detail, alright?” heeseung pulled his hand away from yours.

“alright.”

heeseung started to walk backwards down the hall, “right after school tomorrow, at the side where that outside classroom is.”

“see you then.” you nodded at him and avoided smiling back at him as he turned and walked down a separate hall out of your eyesight.

the papers in your other hand crinkled and reminded you of the duty your teacher had assigned you to do- instantly making your way to the office with the thought of lee heeseung willingly being in your mind.

you met up with lee heeseung almost a full twenty-four hours after you had set up the meeting at the side of the school where an outside classroom was.

the outside classroom was something your school had created in the middle of your freshman year. they said that it would create a more open and closer learning environment. so it was at the side of the school on a small hill that if you looked over the balcony from you could see the sidewalk below that led around the school and to the street. there was a podium at the front of the classroom that looked over the three rows of benches where the students were able to sit- which is where you sat waiting for lee heeseung who was now fifteen minutes late to the meeting he set up.

your feet swung gently across the pavement under your feet as you leaned back on the bench. the weather was still on the hotter side since it was early september and the summer season technically doesn’t end for another two weeks. it was hard to sit there in your own thoughts while you waited for heeseung because your mind kept reminding you that maybe this isn’t such a good idea. you continuously almost talked yourself out of it one million times during the past twenty-four hours because you thought the cons outweigh the pros by miles.

but the ultimate goal that by the end of it you would have jake sim as your boyfriend made the cons seem less important.

the door that connected the school and the outdoor classroom opened behind you and an almost cool-looking heeseung walked in with his bag swung over his shoulder.

“took you long enough,” you grunted out to your enemy.

“sorry sorry, practice ended later and i wanted to shower before i left.” heeseung sat down beside you. at the mention of his shower, you smelt his shampoo from the subtle breeze outside and you couldn’t help but respect that he had some sort of hygiene care. “do you have any second thoughts about this?” he asks next as if he’s read your mind somehow.

“to be honest, kinda,” you looked at him seriously, “i just don’t want to mess this up and it ends badly for everyone.”

“it’s not going to end badly if we plan it carefully- and we can have as many rules as your little, annoying heart desires, okay?” heeseung tried to reassure you.

“how’d you know i was going to come up with rules?” you ask him, the list you had written down started to feel one thousand times heavier in your skirt's pocket.

heeseung shrugged nonchalantly, “because i know you.”

you never really took into consideration how much you and heeseung happen to know about each other. you would never call each other your friend but you spend almost every day together because of your mutual friends. if it weren’t for your shared hatred of each other you’re sure that you would basically be forced to call each other friends from how much you know. christ, you’ve even been to each other's houses on multiple occasions.

“i never knew you liked isa.” you practically blurt out, mentally going over the things you did know about lee heeseung.

heeseung shrugged again, “i didn’t know you had to know.”

you roll your eyes, “that’s not what i meant.” heeseung’s annoying laugh cuts you off for a second, “- it’s just that you didn’t know i liked jake, right.”

“i kinda had my thoughts about it.”

“what?” your palm slapped against your forehead in pure embarrassment.

“relax- i’m positive jake nor anyone else has noticed.” heeseung shoves your shoulder with his.

“then how have you noticed?”

you notice heeseung slowly blink as if he questions himself before he speaks, “because i notice every annoying thing you do- especially when your annoying ass likes my best friend.” you scoff at his answer and look at him but he only laughs as he clutches his stomach at your reaction.

“you’re by far the worst possible person to do this with- how am i going to be able to learn things from you?” you throw your head back so it rests on the bench's backrest behind you.

“well you can pretend i’m jake if that works for you.” heeseung suggests.

you raise your eyebrow quizzically at him, “will you pretend i’m isa?”

heeseung looks at your leaned back body up and down before looking back into your eyes, “yeah.”

“fuck you!” you laugh out appalled at his deadpanned answer.

“what? fuck you too, you’re literally going to imagine that i’m my best friend!” you only shrug at him, a teasing smile on your face as if you’ve won somehow, “since you’re a virgin what do you imagine you do with jake anyways?”

“heeseung!” you whisper shout at him, sitting up again and trying to look out over the balcony to see if anyone could’ve heard him.

“what? can i not say the v word?” heeseung put his hands up in defence.

“we-well you can but not so loud!” heeseung only shook his head out before he restated his question without saying that you’re the v word.

“i don’t know.”

“well, what does that mean? don’t you ever think about him when you’re horny?” you tried to not gasp at heeseung’s openness about sex and only shrugged again, “what? you don’t masturbate?”

“oh my god, maybe this isn’t a good idea.” you tried to stand up but heeseung’s hand reached out for your upper arm and pulled you back down to sit beside him- this time a lot closer than before on the bench.

“c’mon y/n, you agreed to this and now when i’m just trying to see how much you know you’re backing out? this is like the pre-basics of the basics!”

you sighed and looked at lee heeseung who looked at you so seriously and shrugged his hand off of your arm, “of course i masturbate, heeseung! i am a woman in case you didn’t know!”

heeseung rolled his eyes but ignored you, “so when you think of you and jake together- how does it start?”

you looked down at your hands in your lap, trying to not get embarrassed or ‘flustered’ as heeseung would say, “it- i guess it starts with kissing.”

heeseung tried to not snort at your innocent answer, “kissing?” when you nodded your answer he smiled, “close your eyes.”

what?” you turned and asked him.

“close your eyes,” he said in a mocking tone as if you were stupid. when your stubbornness didn’t subside he huffed, “you’re gonna have to trust me if we want this to work, y/n.”

“and what?” you cross your arms over your chest, “you’re saying that you trust me?”

“yeah.” heeseung stated as if it was nothing- as if you really were just as stupid as he thought you to be.

“fine.” you let your arms drop and you close your eyes- your back straightening as you did so.

you waited for what felt like years until you felt heeseung’s presence closer to you- you almost opened your eyes out of shock but heeseung’s voice reminded you to ‘keep them closed!” and you almost cussed him out for knowing you so well.

heeseung placing his hands on your face was the first act of intimacy that you had ever felt like anyone and you weren’t expecting him to so gracefully yet firmly press his lips onto yours next. it was almost like a peck- a short peck that made you want more of him- more of your enemy.

when you felt his hands come off of your face you opened your eyes. heeseung took in the way your cheeks were already flushed red and the way your eyes were looking dazed. if he didn’t hate you so much he’s sure that he would’ve called you cute.

but instead a harsh ‘what?’ comes out of his mouth.

“i’ve just never been kissed before,” you admitted to him- which seemed like nothing to admit at this point.

“oh,” heeseung thought about it for a moment, “how was it?”

both of you could tell how much more red your cheeks got at your next admission, “it felt good.”

“do you wanna do it again?” your curt nod made heeseung smirk- the same smirk that you swore you hated every day of your life and wanted to punch off of his face twenty-four hours ago- but the smirk had an effect on you as you closed your eyes again, “just pretend i’m jake and follow my lead.”

his hands rested on your face again and pulled it closer to his own to meet him in the middle this time. the kiss this time started out softer- just pure lips against each other as you tried to do what he said and follow his lead. you found it easy to let yourself pretend that it was jake you were kissing and that lee heeseung was nowhere even around you. you even swore that you started to smell jake’s familiar cologne in the wraps of heeseung’s shampoo that he had just used.

one of heeseung’s- jake’s- hands dropped from your face and down to your bare thigh where your skirt had ridden up. the kiss got almost ‘rougher’ as jake started to press his face into yours- brushing your noses together. you could start to focus on the feeling of kissing jake and the noises your lips made as you kissed each other.

you almost pulled away from the kiss when you felt jake’s tongue dart across your bottom lip. because you’re inexperienced you didn’t know what it meant- but jake’s hand on your face slid up so it grabbed a handful of your hair- making you open your mouth enough in surprise that he slipped his tongue into your mouth. it was a weird feeling at first but you imagined that since jake liked this- you figured you must, too.

you seemed hyper-fixated on the feeling of jake’s tongue exploring your mouth and pecking your lips at the same time that you almost didn’t feel the way his hand on your thigh pushed your skirt up more- more that if anyone walked in you’re sure that they would’ve seen the hem of your underwear.

“oh my god, jake!” a voice shrilled from below the balcony- making you shoot your eyes open in shock as heeseung- not jake- almost pushed your lips away from yours and stood up to walk over to the edge of the balcony and looked down. “jake, stop!” the voice laughed out and you could hear jake’s familiar laugh after that.

you think you would’ve smiled at the sound of jake’s laugh but you couldn’t help but notice the weird feeling that had settled in your stomach. the sudden push away and pull back into reality was too large to ignore as the late summer breeze now brushed against your exposed thigh and your wet lips made you shudder.

“isa!” jake’s voice called out and you groaned quietly from the bench, behind heeseung that had apparently forgotten about your entire existence and you couldn’t help but compare this scenario to the one you’ve made in your head a bunch of times about why you wouldn’t hook up with anyone who wasn’t your boyfriend. you know heeseung didn’t mean it- hell you didn’t even really like heeseung but you still felt hurt crawling up on your chest.

you heard quick-paced footsteps on the pavement below the balcony and the familiar giggles faded away- which you figured was isa and jake running away from the school. heeseung turns back to you when he can’t see the two any more- noticing the way you’re zipping up your sweater and throwing your bag over your shoulder.

“do you still want to do this?’ he asks almost unaware of everything that you had just felt at first- the quick thought of you being ‘easily flustered’ goes through your mind and you almost blame the weird feeling you have on that and your virginity card.

though you think you’re being totally chill about it all, you speak a quick, “we’ll talk later.” and leave the outdoor classroom, leaving heeseung by himself and the image of a suddenly frazzled y/n with wide eyes and a shy demeanour playing through his mind.

heeseung texted you when you got into bed that night to make sure the deal between you two was still on- but you only briefly sent a ‘thumbs up’ emoji and went to bed. you were extremely exhausted from the events that occurred after school and you had no idea as to why you felt so mentally exhausted. maybe it was because lee heeseung himself was too exhausting for you.

you didn’t see heeseung for the rest of the week until thursday night when you agreed to go to his house. you didn’t feel the need to see heeseung as you were sure you’ve seen him enough in your mind as he was now consuming it- which annoyed you because you’d rather think about jake- or literally anyone else than lee heeseung.

but now you’re sitting with lee heeseung on his bed with his black duvet covering both of your laps as went over your plan in more detail and set out more rules to ‘please you' even though you’re sure heeseung was grateful for them anyway.

“number one: sex is completely off the table,” you announced which made his eyebrow quirk up.

“so you’re going to tell jake you’re not a virgin even though you will be a virgin?”

“exactly!” you smiled proudly with yourself. “you said so yourself that you’ll just be teaching me the basics, right?”

“right,” heeseung said slowly before smirking, “i’m apparently even having to go over the pre-basics with you since i took your kissing v card.”

you both saw and felt your cheeks turn red before you turned to look at the rest of the rules you had written the days before. the reminder of how heeseung’s lips felt against yours was strange as you didn’t think heeseung could make you feel so right. especially because you pretended it was jake as it happened.

“number two:” heeseung started, “y/n cannot fall in love with heeseung.”

“i don't think we have to add that because even if we were the last people on earth i would not fall in love with you.” you placed your hand on your stomach as if you were going to throw up just from the thought of you and heeseung being romantically together.

“that’s what they all say, y/n, and now i have like thirty girls following me around.”

“yet- isa isn’t in love with you.” you squint your eyes at him.

“shut up.”

“number three: no one must know about this arrangement.” you continued which heeseung agreed with. “number four: when one of us confesses or gets confessed to: the arrangement ends.”

“number five:” heeseung starts writing another one on your list, “y/n will learn how to give heeseung a blowjob.”

“oh my god!” you shrieked, “that is absolutely never happening.”

“and why not? you said you want to be experienced for jake- what’s gonna happen when you put his dick in your mouth and you don’t know what to do with it?”

the scenario heeseung spoke about sent a feeling of shame and embarrassment over your body but you couldn't even think about putting lee heeseung’s dick down your throat. “i’d rather die.”

“then how are you going to be experienced for jake, huh? you barely even knew how to kiss the other day.”

you groaned, “i knew how to kiss heeseung! i had just never done it before!”

“sure, whatever you say- all i know is that i was taking the lead and it felt extremely one-sided.”

“one-sided?” you question him, turning your head to look at him, your shoulders staying side by side with one another’s body.

“yeah, like you didn’t really kiss me back or like, i don’t know, show any effort- any passion.” heeseung didn’t know he felt uneasy saying this to you as he was sure had said things much worse- but this time he felt as if he was being cautious of your emotions- like he didn’t want to upset you. when you stayed quiet and he noticed you were dazing off into your thoughts again he continued, “like when you make out with someone it’s like both of you are working together.”

“well i’ve never made out with someone so how would i know?” you shook your head at him sarcastically, trying to not be offended or embarrassed by his words.

“come here.” heeseung pulled the blankets off of your laps and gestured to his lap. when you gave him a funny look in return as if he was crazy he grabbed your hips from beside him and practically yanked you on top of him, your skirt sprawling over his lap. before you could say anything with your stubborn attitude or insult him in any way he spoke again, “close your eyes.”

“heeseung, i-.” you started to protest.

“that’s not my name.” both of you looked at each other with the same word running through both of your minds ‘pretend’.

you bit your lip but did as heeseung said and closed your eyes. you think it was hard to pretend that heeseung was jake at first from the stubborn and annoying feeling you had in your chest- the same feeling besides anger that you usually felt when heeseung was around. you couldn’t help but compare the size of heeseung’s hands to jake’s as they rested on your waist over your school uniform. heeseung’s hands took up your entire side- meanwhile, you remembered when jake had touched the same spot when he taught you how to surf in the summer- jake’s seemed awfully small compared to heeseung’s.

heeseung’s- no jake’s- hands came up to hold onto your face like the last time you had kissed and he pulled you down so that your faces were closer together. very gently- like you wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t hyper-fixating on it- jake pressed a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth and you smiled to yourself when he did because it was a gesture that was so jake and it helped get the thought that you were straddling lee heeseung instead.

when you felt jake’s lips against yours you were eager to kiss him back- not wanting it to be so one-sided like your apparent last kiss with him. the bedroom quickly filled with wet noises from your kissing getting sloppier by the second. when jake’s tongue rubbed against your bottom lip you didn’t hesitate to open your mouth this time. when you weren’t shy to mesh your tongue against his- hoping that in some way jake would feel your own passion in the heated kiss.

you felt jake’s hands drop from your face and start to play with the buttons of your shirt. you wanted to pull away to watch but his lips kept you locked together and you didn’t want to stop. you could feel your chest get revealed as your shirt became loose around your neck.

when his hand grabbed onto your breast you let out a whimper into his mouth, your nipple brushing against the fabric of your bra and his hand. when he started to massage it you didn’t even realize that you had started to grind your hips against his own until heeseung’s stupid laugh filled your ears.

“feeling a little needy, huh y/n?” heeseung smirked up at your blissed out- annoyed face.

“shut up, heeseung,” you grunted out at him, surprised at how your voice sounded so breathless already. heeseung’s head moved closer to your now exposed chest- pressing a soft kiss to your collarbone, similar to the kiss he had placed beside your lips.

“that’s not my name.” heeseung mumbled against your skin and continued to kiss your skin, “if you ask nicely i can make you feel really good.” you looked down and met his eyes, almost rolling your own when his turned hard at the fact yours were even opened at all.

you bit down on your pride and closed your eyes and imagined it was jake who wanted to make you feel good, “please.” you begged out softly.

“please who? say my name, y/n.”

“please, jake- please make me feel good jake.”

jake reaches down in between your legs to let his index finger rub across your panties and over your clit. you feel your face heat up from his actions, your mouth parting automatically as you try to quiet your pant.

he slips the finger inside your panties next, dragging it up and down through your wet folds- a soft moan escapes your lips and you feel your head almost become loose on your neck.

“so fucking wet,” he mutters, slipping in his finger. you feel your body stiffen at the new intrusion, your hand wrapping around his bicep tighter than before, “so tight too, you okay?”

“yes, jake.” you respond almost carelessly- too focused on the idea that ‘jake’ is fingering you right now.

heeseung didn’t feel weird about being called a name that wasn’t his. he’s tried roleplay before- but the fact that he was hearing his best friend's name moaned out into his bedroom created a deep feeling in his gut that he tried to ignore with the way you were clenching so tight around him- the way that isa was clenching so tight around him.

jake’s fingers begin to thrust in and out of your hole, trying to open you up. when he felt you loosen more and slipped in his middle finger as well you could feel the difference immediately- felt so full. when you’ve slipped in your own fingers before you didn’t feel as half full as you did now- jake’s fingers were longer and thicker and better than you’ve imagined as he started hitting your g spot almost instantly.

you didn’t realize how wet you truly were until you noticed the squelching noises and your moans filling his quiet bedroom. you could feel his body underneath you flex as you start to fuck his fingers into you at a faster pace.

heeseung starts to imagine that your moans sound similar to how isa probably sounds and it turns him on more that he’s making the girl he likes moan so loudly just because of his fingers. he can feel isa’s wetness drip down onto his palm from how soaked ‘she’ is.

the feeling of pleasure fills your mind to its brim and you start to grind your hips down onto his fingers- wanting to feel even more.

heeseung opened his own eyes at your movements- taking in your sudden confidence as you fuck yourself down his fingers. he was met with your fucked out expression as your head was lulled to the side, sweat glistened on the edge of your hairline and he could see your neck was flushed from the pleasure. without thinking he speaks quietly, “so pretty.” and if you heard it you didn’t say anything- but maybe that’s because he pressed his palm against your clit- the hard touch has you gasping out and clenching tighter onto his arm.

when he sees you arch your back so your chest is pressed against his, he wonders if isa would do the same thing- if she could be as reactive to his touch as you seem to be.

“i- i’m gonna cum!” you gasp out breathless, body starting to tremble as you lose control over it. heeseung wraps his other arm around your body to help you sturdy yourself on his lap as you come. “jake.” you moan out as the coil in your stomach breaks and you feel light-headed for a moment as the pleasure takes over you.

with jake’s quiet praises and soft kisses against your chest, you feel like your climax lasts longer than it ever has. his thumb keeps pressing circles into your clit until you're whining and he pulls away.

you open your eyes and are subtly surprised when you meet eyes with heeseung who has his fingers in his mouth, sucking off your juices and mixing them with his spit. you feel as if you continued to be turned on from the sight and wanted to do more- until he wiped his fingers on your skirt.

“ew heeseung!” you gasped out, your chest still panting from your orgasm.

“what? it’s your cum.” heeseung shrugged, leaning back into his headboard with you on his lap, your bra still in view with your shirt’s top unbuttoned.

“yeah, with your spit!” you looked down at the hem of your skirt where he had wiped his fingers all over, the idea of your cum and his spit mixing together on your clothing now turned your stomach until it growled.

“what was that? you hungry?” heeseung asks with a quirked eyebrow.

you pondered for a second, “yeah.

you sat across the table from lee heeseung in a small diner he had taken you to a few blocks away from his house saying that they ‘had the perfect after-sex food’. and when you corrected him by saying you didn’t have sex he only laughed and through a pair of his sweatpants at you to wear.

you were thankful that he had given you some of his clothes to wear because you think now as you take a bite into your burger if you looked down and saw a mixture of your cum and lee heeseung’s spit on your lap you would’ve regurgitated your entire meal. and you didn’t really want to do that because although you didn’t just have sex- it was really fucking good food.

“are you going to the party on saturday?” heeseung asks you with his hands full of fries.

“yeah, are you?”

he nods and swallows before talking, “i know jake is going so you should ask isa if she is.”

“alright- should i say heeseung wants to know if you’re going?”

“no!” heeseung shakes his head frantically at you, “god no!”

“okay okay!” you put your hands up in defence, “don’t you want her to know that you’re into her?”

“well yeah, but,” heeseung looks away almost timidly, “she doesn’t know who i am so that would be weird if you said that to her.”

“what do you mean she doesn’t know who you are? you’re lee heeseung, everyone in the city knows who you are.”

“okay, but i’ve never been like introduced to her so it would be awkward.”

“have you ever spoken to her before?’ you ask curiously.

“no.” heeseung mumbles, biting into more of his fries.

“what? then how do you know you even like her? you could think she’s annoying! or weird! or-.”

“okay y/n i get it.” heeseung cuts you off and rolls his eyes. it stays silent between you two and you almost feel bad for making it feel this way between you two.

“so,” you start and drag out the word, “how about we get her to know you tomorrow, so if she goes to the party on saturday you guys can talk.”

heeseung shrugs, “how do we wanna do that?”

you stop and think for a second, “i know she stands by her locker before first period so i can ask her about the party then, and you should walk by at the same time i can introduce you guys or say you’re also going to the party.”

“okay,” heeseung agrees to your plan, “that’s not too bad of a way for us to ‘meet’ each other.”

“it’s not bad at all.” you correct him, making him smirk at you.

the small diner you were sitting at had a bell on the front door to alert the workers if a new customer was coming in or if a customer was leaving. it was approaching late at night as you and heeseung finished your meals when the bell rang. both of you didn’t pay attention to it until you felt heeseung kick your leg underneath the table.

“ow, what the fuck was that f-?” you started to bark at him.

“hey, heeseung!”

your eyes widened at the familiar voice beside you.

“hey, man!” heeseung reached out and dapped up the boy who stood beside your table.

“oh, y/n you’re here, too?”

you glanced up at jake for the first time, for once wishing that jake sim didn’t know who you were. “yeah! hi jake!” you smiled almost too cheesily at him.

you caught the way jake’s eyes moved down your body that was covered in heeseung’s clothes that you were literally drowning in from the size difference between you both. a confused expression crossed his eyes but he kept the same, soft smile on his face before he turned back to heeseung.

“you’re still picking me up in the morning, right?”

“yeah, for sure.” heeseung nodded at him. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“cool, see you guys.” jake nodded at you both before walking further into the diner, you almost didn't recognize the girl he was with until you smelt her perfume walk past you, making you whip your head back up from your lap to look at her.

you didn’t get a chance to see her face but her long, black hair and vanilla scent confirmed to you that she was in fact beautiful.

“who the hell is that girl?” your voice whispered to heeseung who had a pleasant smile on his face, “and what the hell is that look on your face.”

“he’s on a date with a girl who isn’t isa!” he quietly cheered, moving around in his seat.

his words ticked something off inside of you. when you heard that jake had a rush on isa it annoyed you, but it made you think that he has actually stopped his playboy days and was ready to settle down with someone. you figured that if he was ready to settle down for isa- he would also be ready to settle down with you- ready to fall in love with you.

“oh god.” you groaned, your hands covering your face out of frustration and embarrassment.

“what’s wrong with you?” heeseung asked, stopping his happy moving for a moment to look at your stressed figure across from him.

“jake totally eyed what i was wearing and thought it was weird.”

“okay and?’ heeseung questioned not following along with you.

“and heeseung,” you snapped at him, “he probably thinks we hooked up!”

“well, we technical-”

“no!’’ you cut him off, “we are not calling what we are doing hooking up! we can add that to our list of rules.”

heeseung rolls his eyes at you, “fine, but he probably thinks you’re experienced now so what’s the problem? didn’t this just help you?”

you guess lee heeseung had a point for once in his life.

“see i told you to trust me! i have this whole thing figured out!” heeseung teased you, flexing his biceps.

you laughed and pushed your hair out of your face before resting your elbow on the table, “shut up, heeseung.”

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :) and i hope u enjoy the next part!

#heeseung #smut #enhypen #enhypen smut #fanfic #heeseung smut #enha #lee heeseung #lee heeseung smut #enhypen heeseung #enhypen heeseung smut #one shot #fluff #angst #fic #heeseung fanfic #heeseung x reader #enhypen x reader

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havecourage-darling · 2 years

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Firsts

AO3 | Part 1 of 12 (each chapter is a standalone)

>> Firsts: Panic Attack || masterlist

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female Henderson!Reader

wc: 3.1K

warnings: none, some heavy kissing, drinking, cursing

A/N: Hi! It's me again, back on my bullshit, obsessed and inspired by your lovely messages. This follows the same eddie x henderson!reader from: Don't You (Forget About Me) and Object of My Desire. There are going to be 12 parts -- all detailing first time moments -- but they can all be read as standalones. Some intertwine with a later story idea I have (that I'm waiting for volume 2 to post!) this chapter has no S4 spoilers. Your comments, kudos, and messages give this adhd ridden hyperfixated weirdo life, tysm!

First Kiss

The first time you had kissed him, Eddie was almost sure he’d accidentally smoked a laced joint and had hallucinated the whole thing. Then, you’d snuck your hand into his hair and tugged his neck back. If that hadn’t been enough to turn him on, you had bit down on his neck – worrying the skin between your lips -- and Eddie was halfway in love.

His day had started normally. He’d spent all day in his mind-numbingly boring classes, eating lunch while terrorizing the cafeteria, sold some bud, and planned his next campaign. He didn’t think this was where he’d be by the end of it.

He promised Rick that he’d sell the rest of his stock to make room for some new stuff coming in next week. The best customers were none other than the seniors of Hawkins High. Fortunately for him, it was also the week of Halloween. While he normally wouldn’t be caught dead at any school dance, he knew it was his best bet. He’d hang around for an hour, sell out, and go home a happy guy. Maybe pick up some pizza and a movie for the night.

“Dude, I didn’t know you were here selling,” Jeff, his fellow Hellfire Club member, said just as he’d stepped into the gym.

“What are you dressed as?” Eddie asked, eyeing his outfit.

“Tommy Lee!” Jeff grinned at him, pulling out a pair of drumsticks. Eddie nodded, offering up his fist.

“That’s sick,” he said, glancing around the room. He caught a few odd stares, ignoring them, and a good amount of interested ones.

“Do me a favor dude,” Eddie, grabbed Jeff’s sleeve before his date could steal him away. “Spread the word that I’ve got some stuff to sell.”

Jeff shot the chaperone’s a look before nodding. “I got you man,” he slapped Eddie’s back before going off to the dance floor.

Eddie stationed himself at the edge of the bleachers, mostly hidden by some decorations. He grinned when a basketball player approached him after a few minutes. Typical.

“What are you supposed to be?” Eddie snorted, glancing at the pathetic costume.

“A cowboy,” the guy – Nick? Adam? – sneered. “You got any or what?”

“Or what,” Eddie muttered, handing him a small bag. “Same price.”

The cowboy handed him two pairs of freshly printed, crisp bills. “Pleasure doing business,” Eddie tilted his imaginary hat. Without a word, the cowboy turned on his heel and walked away. Oh the irony of being outcast by the top tier only to have them crawl to him for their needs.

Thirty minutes later, Eddie was all but sold out. He had two joints left but he knew he could smoke through them if he didn’t have any more buyers. Eddie ran a sweaty hand through his hair, why did the gym always feel like it was a thousand degrees, and caught sight of a teacher walking in his direction.

Without preamble, he ducked under the bleachers and waited her out.

“Munson?” A voice called out. Eddie whipped around, startled out of his fucking mind – who hell hides under the bleachers?

“Jesus fucking Christ Harrington, you’re going to give me a heart attack,” Eddie said, clutching at his heart dramatically. If he was going to be over the top, why stop because he was hiding?

Steve laughed, as if that was the most hilarious joke he’d ever heard. “Uh, Harrington?” Eddie called out, taking a few steps towards him. Steve was leaning against the wall, his legs sprawled and expression akin to someone who’d lost their puppy. As Eddie bent down, he wrinkled his nose. “Shit, Harrington, that’s some shitty tequila.”

“You want some?” He said, perking up. Eddie winced as his arm smacked into his side, the bottle sloshing. Eddie picked it out his hand before he could spill anymore. He sniffed it experimentally and shrugged, why not? He took a swig and fought the urge to spit it out. That, is why not, he thought to himself, gagging.

“This tastes like lighter fluid,” Eddie told him, “and I’m not exactly known for having refined taste.”

Steve grinned. “Good shit, right?”

“That was not a compliment,” Eddie told him, standing up. “Why are you piss drunk, dressed like Mario, at a school dance? Isn’t there somewhere, I don’t know, with less supervision that you could be doing this?”

“Nope,” Steve said, popping his lips obnoxiously. “Love sucks, man.”

Eddie fought the urge to roll his eyes. He’d heard that King Steve had broken up with the perfect Nancy Wheeler. He had a hard time believing that someone like Harrington couldn’t get another date, he drove around a BMW for shit’s sake.

“Hey, do you have any….” Steve trailed off, looking confused.

“Weed?”

Steve brightened, snapping his fingers and missing. “Yeah!”

“It’s your lucky day Harrington, I’ve got two joints left,” Eddie said, tossing one into his hands.

It took him a minute, but Steve handed him a few crumpled bills from the front pocket of his denim overalls. Eddie tried really hard not to contemplate his life.

“Steve Harrington!” A new, distinctly annoyed, voice cried out. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I turn around to dance for two seconds and you disappear.”

Eddie watched, a little awed, as you stomped over to them. Without hesitation, a pink heeled foot kicked Steve’s leg. “Get up you moping loser, you promised me dancing,” you said.

“I’m sad,” Steve whined, moving to stand regardless. Even Eddie rolled his eyes at that one. He should’ve known – Harrington seemed super glued to your side this year. Where you went, he usually followed.

“Go be sad on the dance floor!” You urged, hopping in one place, the pink dress around you moving fluidly with you.

Eddie tried his best not to let his eyes settle onto your chest but, he was only a mere mortal, and the more you bounced – the more your assets bounced with you.

A third voice joined the fray and Eddie ducked. You glanced at him, as if surprised he was there, and blinked. “Don’t worry,” you whispered, “Natasha’s not a narc.”

“Damn right I’m not,” the girl dressed like a skeleton said. She wrapped Steve’s arm around her shoulders and winced at his breath. “Jesus Harrington, can’t you hold your liquor?”

“Can you get him something to drink?” You asked her, your face wrinkling in worry. “He needs to sober up a little before we go home.”

“At this rate, Amelia’s the only one who hasn’t touched the stuff,” Natasha snorted, dragging Steve out from under the bleachers.

You turned to him and squinted. Eddie grinned, excited to have your attention. With a flourish, he bowed. “Pleasure to see you tonight, if you’re looking for some weed – you’re in luck. I’ve got one left,” he said.

“What are you dressed as?” You asked, completely ignoring his question. Eddie quirked his brow and realized that your eyes were also a little glazed over.

“As a demon cult leader, what do you think? Did I do okay?” Eddie turned in a circle, putting on his show. He turned back to you, expecting you to look annoyed or put off – like everyone in the popular crowd did when faced with himself. Eddie felt his whole-body freeze when he caught your heated stare. You dragged your gaze up his body and Eddie swore he felt it like a physical touch.

Well, that was new.

“I’d say you look good, but you usually do,” you said, stepping towards him. Eddie, instinctively, took a step back. Scared and turned on were a very weird, although not unheard of, combination for him.

“Back at you princess,” he said, trying not to sound breathless. What the fuck?

At that, you quirked your head. “Princess?”

Eddie smirked, letting his obvious gaze trail down your body. You were clearly dressed as Princess Peach, your yellow wig pulled back into a messy ponytail, although…

“From my recollection, Princess Peach never wore a dress that short,” he said, eyeing your legs. He braced himself for a scathing reply but found you laughing instead. What the hell was it about this holiday that made people go insane?

“Princess Peach never had to attend a dance in an old smelly gym,” you said matter-of-factly. “Short as it is, it still feels like it’s a thousand degrees in here.”

“It’s the testosterone and steroids from the basketball team,” Eddie quipped, raising his brow. “No offense to your boyfriend.”

“Steve Harrington is not my boyfriend,” you said, laughing like that was the funniest joke you’d ever heard. “He’s literally crying over his break up.”

“Weirder things have happened,” he said, leaning against the wall. “I’m pretty sure-”

“So, this might be the tequila,” you interrupted him, loudly, “but I really want to kiss you.”

Eddie would’ve been less surprised if you’d taken out a baseball bat and smacked him with it.

“Uh, how much tequila?” Eddie asked.

You shrugged, stepping closer to him, “enough to make me feel good, not enough to not know what I’m doing.”

“You know,” he said, pensive, “that is really good enough for me.”

“Great!” You said, throwing yourself at him.

Eddie winced as your foot collided with his ankle but quickly forgot about the pain when your lips pressed against his. He dropped his hands to your waist, the rough fabric bunching around his grip.

You tasted like tequila, fruit punch, and something else he couldn’t put his finger on. You were soft, so fucking soft, and pliant. Hands frantic, you fisted his collar as if assuring yourself he wasn’t going anywhere. Fucking zombies couldn’t pry him away with their cold dead hands.

Eddie felt you lean back for air, your eyes had a glint in them that he couldn’t describe and soon after, you’d pulled his head back by his hair. With his neck exposed, you latched on and Eddie desperately tried to remember that you’d both get in a lot of trouble if you were caught from the noises that were trying to claw out of him. Satisfied with the bruise you’d left, you beamed up at him and Eddie couldn’t help the fond smile he shot you back.

“Didn’t take you for a biter,” he said, thumb coming to swipe across your lower lip.

“I’m not usually, you’re just enjoyable,” you said nonchalantly and unaffected, like you weren’t just shaking up his entire world. Unable to help himself, he nipped at the crook of your neck and was rewarded with the most delicious sounding moan. He wanted to carve that noise into his memory.

You immediately pushed him back, eyes hooded, and lips swollen. The red bite he’d placed on your neck felt like a neon sign and he couldn’t help but feel turned on by it. Holy shit, he couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

Then, with a quick motion, you dropped to the floor. Eddie jerked forward, worried you’d tripped or something when he realized you were kneeling. He straightened and shot you a confused look.

“Come on,” you urged, placing a warm hand on his calf.

Come on what? He thought, still wildly confused. He watched your lips part and you looked up at him through your lashes. Eddie shifted, his dick trying to get in on the action as well. He froze. No…you couldn’t… Eddie dropped his gaze to you and you shifted your weight onto your heels, hands reaching for his belt.

“Don’t you want me to?” You asked, smiling sweetly up at him. Holy fucking shit, Eddie thought. Maybe he was hallucinating? There’s no way you – you of all people – were on your knees during a Halloween dance, under the bleachers, with him, dressed like goddamn wet dream, and offering him a blow job. He nodded absently, still dazed and trying to process this moment, and you beamed.

Your impatient hands fumbled with his studded belt and Eddie reached out to help you. He stepped back, needing the space to unbuckle his pants, and watched as you fell forward.

“Shit, are you okay?” Eddie asked, looking for what you tripped over.

“I may be drunker than I realized,” you said, giggling. Eddie felt his blood freeze. Fuck. Slowly, he untangled your hands from his waistband and lowered himself to the floor next to you. “Why’d you stop?”

Eddie sighed, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’m pretty sure, given your squeaky-clean reputation, you’re not the type to lightly offer up what you just did,” he bumped your nose with his and felt his stupid, idiotic, heart flip at the sight of your wide smile. “Definitely not sober at least.”

“I’ve only had one boyfriend before,” you whispered, falling over onto your butt. You blinked, as if shocked, and brought your gaze back to him. “We did stuff, I’m not some stumbling virgin.”

“I’m sure you’re an absolute minx,” Eddie said, biting back laughter at your serious nod.

“He said I was good,” you frowned, looking pensive. “Although, he was also a virgin when we met so maybe I wasn’t?”

Nothing like tequila to bring around an existential crisis and brutal honesty. He was sure this wasn’t something you’d be telling him if you were sober. Still, Eddie couldn’t handle your sad little frown. He placed a hand on your bare knee, flinching at how hot your skin was. Although he was the one who’d touched you, it felt like you had branded him.

In fact, he was pretty sure he’d be unable to forget about this interaction for a while. Now that you’d caught his attention, you weren’t likely to go anywhere. “I’m pretty sure you rocked his world and have no doubt you could rock mine too. Especially considering that that’s how you kiss when you’re drunk. Not sure if I can handle a sober one.”

You grinned, lighting up the entirety of this dirty dark corner – even a little piece of him. Fuck, how had he never noticed how pretty you were? He thought back on all the times he’d seen you around the school.

“Come on, let’s get you back to your friends,” Eddie said, lifting you up. You laughed, your breath fanning over the darkening hickey on his neck.

He knew you floated from group to group, notorious for having friends in every clique, club, and class. Shit, even Billy Hargrove seemed to have an eye on you – not that you’d accepted any of his advances. Jeff had almost peed himself laughing when you’d kneed him in the balls for trying to cage you in by your locker before homeroom.

Anyone with eyes knew how hot you were, Gareth had even mentioned it a few times – especially in Physics, the only class you shared with them. You seemed to always have a sarcastic quip or friendly jab at the ready. Good grades, popular, sarcastic, and ready to throw a punch was exactly what he liked about you and exactly what put you so far out his league it was painful.

He emerged from the bleachers with a glance around the gym and tried to find your friends from earlier. One of your fingers trailed down his abdomen, your lips pressing an open mouthed kiss to his neck, and he groaned. Out of his league or not, you had been the one to come onto him. Because she’s drunk, Eddie’s stupidly moral mind reminded him. But what if she is interested? You obviously weren't wound as tight as Wheeler but was clearly not someone who offered without thought. Tequila did have a way of changing people though…

As he dropped you off next to a slumped Harrington, he caught the eye of the skeleton girl from earlier. She shot Eddie a thumbs up and started to make her way to the table.

“Hey,” he squatted down next to you.

“Hey handsome,” you said, giggling again.

Eddie really needed to get a fucking grip. He’d barely spared you much thought before tonight and in fifteen minutes you’d all but carved your name into his skin. What’s worse? He didn’t mind a bit. Shit, he really was a loser.

“I’m gonna go,” he said, “you gotta keep an eye on Harrington, okay? Your friend is on her way over to make sure you’re okay.”

“You don’t want to dance with me?” You asked, wide, beautiful eyes stabbing at his conscience.

“You’re a little too drunk for that right now, okay?” Eddie tugged a lock of your synthetic hair. “I’ll save you a dance at the next party.”

You nodded, trusting him entirely, and wobbled in your seat. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You squinted.

Eddie huffed a laugh. “Tomorrow is Saturday princess. I’ll see you Monday,” he added quickly when you frowned sadly.

“Don’t forget about me,” you stumbled, hand still clenched around his, “promise?”

“Sweetheart, I’m absolutely positive that this night is branded into my memory for life,” he said, standing and pressing a kiss to your temple. Last one.

“Bye cult leader,” you whispered, laughing at your own joke. Skeleton girl dropped into the seat between them and exhaled.

“Thanks Munson, I owe you one,” she said.

Eddie waved away her gratitude and took one last look at his Princess Peach.

“See ya,” he said, forcing himself to walk away. He’d barely made it to the doors when Jeff all but jumped him.

“Dude, what the hell were you doing with Henderson?” Jeff asked.

Henderson? Aw shit, that was Dustin’s older sister. Eddie groaned; he’d completely forgotten. In his defense, most of his blood was firmly south of the border.

Jeff blinked at him, waiting for an answer and Eddie…hesitated. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to keep tonight to himself. “Harrington was buying and Henderson followed. They’re drunk and I was just helping her back to her table.”

“Which is why you kissed her?”

“What?” Eddie froze.

Jeff eyed him. “I saw you; you kissed her forehead. I’m amazed she didn’t threaten to cut off your dick. Henderson’s cool but I wouldn’t fuck with her.”

Eddie exhaled, relieved. “Right. Uh, I don’t know. You know me man, I’m crazy.”

“Shit, I didn’t think you were that crazy,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “Respect man.”

“I’ll see you Monday,” Eddie said, “I’m out of here.”

“Later dude!”

Eddie took one last look at your table, where you were being force fed some food before disappearing out the doors. He brought his fingers up to his neck like he could still feel the ghost of your lips as you nipped him. Eddie hopped into his car and finally relaxed into his seat.

What a fucking night.

>> Firsts: Panic Attack, Part 2

A/N: guys, I also am very aware that I messed up the timeline for S3, S4 and when Don't You (Forget About Me) happens so we're just gonna smile and wave like that little mistake isn't there lol in my defense, I didn't think I was going to build a whole series around that one shot! muaha, I fixed it!

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #reader insert #stranger things

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commajade · 7 months

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gonna talk about that se so neon concert again and maybe i'll get flagged as mature again idk lol.

truly the best and most organic global rock experience that has ever come out of korea. on superband s2 the really famous 80s and 90s rock artists talked about how early korean rock bands were very derivative of western rock because that's what they liked and that's what they knew and that decades later they were seeking a new specifically korean band that could have a truly korean artistic core for korean music lovers and global fans alike. and the winner of s2 was crackshot, who are fantastic but are very much from the 80s style heavy metal style and younger korean fans have embraced that in a way that's very beautiful. and the closest they got to a specifically korean brand of music is kardi because they have a traditional korean instrumentalist and their productions are so out there and technically impressive sometimes. but they don't have a core songwriter, just immense talent. so their new album was very much created with the korean music industry and korean population demographics in mind with certain songs for certain groups that is typical in corporately produced korean music like kpop.

se so neon is exactly what those legendary musicians wanted. soyoon is the mastermind: the songwriter, the vocalist, and the genius guitarist. all of se so neon's music have unifying musical motifs but also a large breadth of sonic range. the philosophy and lyrics of the songs are so deeply korean. and they're global in an organic artistic way, through collaborations and a slowly expanding audience around the world. her friend and mentor was ryuichi sakamoto and she's performed with john cale of the velvet underground. their songs are made for the stage and developed in the studio and the stage.

soyoon told us at the beginning that it was the biggest audience they've ever had in the US and that rly showed. the concert was incredible, pure rockstar energy just blasting from the stage and the crowd was wild the entire time. people have been writing op-eds about the death of the rock star since the 2000s and there's a lot of talk about how all the great rock performers revered in history were just asshole men.

se so neon had no opener, no build up, didn't make the crowd wait too long. they had a post punk/hard rock playlist and then it stopped and hyunjin soyoon and the new drummer kim hyunggyun just walked onto the stage and started playing. soyoon's vocals got much stronger and more polished since last year and it was already good. she always pushes her voice out and projects as far as she can and last year i could feel her pushing out beyond the edges of her voice and that was a specific raw gorgeous sound but this time her voice never faltered and her notes were exact. her voice got bigger and more controlled. the tone of her voice is so specific, so androgynous, and so textured with a smooth rasp and huskiness that she emphasized and used by putting quieter vocal-centric songs directly after screaming to instrumental-centric high energy songs.

the energy was immediate and immense, the volume was high but never unpleasant. i was right at the front, 2 people behind the barrier. it was perfect. the setlist was perfect, starting with their only english song joke! and putting out heavy hitter after heavy hitter, then a slow emotional song surprisingly early in the setlist then picking it back up again. they controlled the energy of the room with perfect precision and it kept going up and up and up. the band was rly enjoying themselves, soyoon beaming a huge open mouthed smile while she jumps around and shreds on her guitar, especially in intimate moments facing her band members.the new drummer kim hyungyun was relentless and played hard and heavy and intricate the entire set and that made the whole band go harder.

and there were 3 instances where people passed out in the audience during the show. the energy was high and it was a hot day and people had been waiting outside for hours so it wasn't unexpected. and every time, soyoon noticed immediately and shut everything down and the lights came on and she watched the audience member who wasn't feeling good and told them to take their time and that we would wait for them. and she asked the venue to give out free water bottles and they were all handed out and passed all the way back until everyone had one. and then the rock star would turn back on and the energy would pick up right where it left off. it was immediate, the way she noticed something was wrong and shut everything down until it was resolved. i respected that a lot.

besides those necessary pauses, the entire show was a smooth high-energy ride. the band was unfaltering, inexhaustible. just 3 people on a stage with occasional synth or vocal tracks layered throughout. the energy never lulled when every other concert i've ever been to has had a lull where i'm pulled out of the music and take a moment to drink water and check my phone. this show was perfectly paced and never slowed down. the touching emotional moments had everyone taking out their phone flashlights and there was waves of light making the whole room brighter. it was so beautiful. we all just had a beautiful night together. the crowd recognized all the songs (their catalog isn't very large) and they did athena from soyoon's solo album and the unreleased song kkd that they've been workshopping since the tour last year. you could tell that they never took a break in working on the music, the instrumentation for the songs was often so different i couldn't recognize them until soyoon started singing the verse.

they're rock stars! it was a rock show! it's all the energy and connection and sense of transcendence of witnessing the greats but they're all just normal people too. they're all confident and highly talented performers but have basically no ego. it's all about the shared space and the music and the art and gratefulness and care for their audience. just a fantastic show.

#se so neon #i forgot they were literally my favorite band until it started i was like #OH YEAH THIS IS MY FAVORITE BAND

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alena-reblobs · 9 months

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Trigun Bookclub Trimax Vol10 Part 4

Vol01: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Vol02: Part 1 | Part 2

God why is this volume so long and full of so many epic pictures

Commentary for chapter 6 and 7 of Vol10, will do the last one in another post!

While I'm doing this, reading each chapter and after that, doing my commentary, I notice the effect of the volume lessening...damn! I should read it in one go first and THEN write my thougths but I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to say. Vol9 and Vol10 are in a way really meant to be read in one go for the full effect.

Chapter 6:

Yes! Wolfwood trying to end this fight not with his weapon, but with his bare hands is so important! He's not fighting to kill, he's not EoM's puppet, he's trying to bring back a friend...I can't say why but also the fact that this obviously pains Razlo more than bullets also feels right. That's how it should be. And then...there's Vash.

Oh god and then there's Vash.

This is...one of the most cruel images of Vash yet. To me it is THE most emotional in the whole series. Pure desperation. Sadness for things lost. Vash allowing himself to break down while we only hear the punches of Wolfwood beating down on Razlo. Looking at this image makes me sad. Damn it Nightow for making Vash have to grief before they even had the chance to start their future together.

But again, props to Nightow for the storytelling.

Vash promised Wolfwood to leave Razlo to him BUT NOBODY DARE INTERFERE.

LIVIOOOOOOO

And just when we fought we had gotten rid of him and he couldn't piss us off any more he's coming back round to hurt our boy

THANK YOU RAZLO. There can never be enough bullet holes in this dead man's body.

I really really like that Livio is not treating Razlo like the bad guy here, but acknowledges that Razlo is also a victim in a way. A victim of having to live through the fucked up shit that Livio could not cope with, of having to deal with that. (I hope I worded that all right, since I don't really know anything about the medical condition of which Razlo is the result?)

You did it, man. You saved Livio. And now you're even a person he looks up to you. Of the feels.

CRYBABY LIVIO IS BACK BITCHES oooh you earned that cigarette, Wolfie

Chapter 7:

I just love the kids and Melanie and how lively it seems. Surely it was hard and filled with loss as everybody had lost their parents, but it must also have been a childhood filled with love.

Baby Wolfwood oh my sweet boy... Sometimes I have wondered how little Vash and Wolfie would have gotten along. Or well, I'm sure they would've gotten along. I just would love to see them interact as kids. Out there, little Wolfwood, a long time ago, was once a boy drifting in space who would later be your most trusted friend. And who would, not in every way, but in an important way, save you.

Ah, just below is the panel where it says "six years have passed since that day" that always confuses me?? Still now because 6 years is not possible? I will wait for any explanation that you, my fellow bookclub readers, will come up with.

Don't scream at him!!!

Vash wanting to explain it to them is killing me. And Wolfwood's expression here is so...unclouded. Completely honest. Vulnerable. No my sweet boy you are no monster, did that not get into your head??

With the little time left...maybe he's right, maybe he can not explain to the children what he is, all the complex stuff.

You know, Vash, Wolfwood is tired. This moment, he just wants to spend it with you, and isn't that enough?

Wolfwood saying this...and then Vash begging to GOD, praying to not lose that man.

I never really got the grip on what Vash means with "stupid things". There's been this theory that Vash denies Wolfwood telling Vash his true feelings, but I don't think so. I think they both at this point know how they feel about each other. I think Vash just...can't stand to hear the emotional talk now because it's simply too much. Maybe it would be nice if they could talk out their innermost feelins at last. But maybe, they don't need that. Have their actions not proven enough already by now?

Throw that confetti guys

If some of you are on twitter and have followed the trigun fandom there you might have stumbled upon the marriage tweet my friend made when she read this scene the first time. I have nothing to add apart from that it rips my heart and soul in two. Now, there's one more chapter to this volume but this arc kinda already concludes with this here...and so I just want to say: I have NEVER before read something that felt so deeply emotional and tragic like this whole...Wolfwoof dying scene. Or, I might have and I might not remember, but in my mind this is the most tragic thing I can recall. Because...it takes its time. It already starts in Vol08, with Wolfwood's inner thoughts, and then it goes on for the whole next Volume where the stakes are getting higher and higher, until Vash appears to save them and save Wolfwood but it STILL is not enough. And Vash is shocked, is in denial, is in anger and is griefing and then we get a short moment of breathing, before it hits us again. We're living this all through Vash, and...and he can't bring himself to smile in the end. He can't. He only stares blankly until he then slumps down. Oh, and I read in the Trigun Wiki I think that this scene here is the only scene where we see Wolfwood cry. Which....gives it also so much more impact.

And, all in all, I think this is not the worst ending for Wolfwood. Of course I am devastated. Reading so much fanfiction, seeing so much fanart, makes it pretty easy to forget that there is no future for these two in canon...not together. (which is WHY I read the fanfiction because good lord did I need something to cope) And when I think about how they never get the chance to live the life together as they both may have wanted...then the feeling of loss hits the hardest. But then, on the other hand: First, killing off one of your main characters while giving them a metaphorical wedding scene is a sick move. An evil, sick move. And second: it fits the series. Because Trigun feels so real, and in real life, things don't always turn out the good way. And Wolfwood, with his life, never really had any future...but the thing is also, he died while knowing that he was able to achieve what he always wanted: the orphanage is safe and he brought Livio back. It is all he ever wanted to do, and it is thanks to Vash that he was able to do it. Would it have been dope if he lived on and if he and Vash could build their own orphanage and be caretaker dads together? Oh hell yeah. But, within the story of the series...it was always unrealistic. Wolfwood died smiling- whatever we think about it, he was content with what he achieved. (I think so at least! The panels where he cries out, they always strike me as a defiance, not wanting to die, but that might be reading to much into it. The whole thing for him is so emotional, the confetti, which tells him they welcome him back, despite knowing who he is...it would be a wonder if he didn't cry. So it might just be the emotionality of the whole scene.

PHEW I'm sure I could say more if I thought a bit about it but I'm gonna shut up here now. Time to do the last chapter, though I'll make another post, this one is far too long already.

#trigun #trigunbookclub #I only manage to sound more coherent and not constantly scream in my commentary because this is my third proper reread already #And I've looked at this pages far more often

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jj-lives · 1 year

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omg that last episode was crazy! I'm still processing but I've been following your analysis here and I wanted to ask what you thought of Yang reacting to Ruby running off. It seemed like she blamed her for it kind of.

Ugh, I've been trying to wrap my head around this for hours. There is a reason most of my analysis are posted days after the show airs and I might have to expand on this later but here's how I see it.

I see people with a similar mindset, that Yang exploded and blamed Ruby, while Weiss was the one that understood and Yang is a bad sister because of it.

As the sister that had to look after everyone growing up, I want to say something on this.

Yang is not a bad sister. She just knows Ruby in a different light than the rest of them. It's easy for Weiss to see how they have put Ruby in a position of isolating herself, especially considering she played a major role in how Ruby feels responsible as a leader from volume 1 when she said she didn't deserve the title. And everyone except Yang has only witnessed Ruby in said leadership role.

Before Beacon Ruby and Yang were close, very close. We see that in many interactions between the two, in how Yang was worried, leaving Ruby behind and how happy they both were to be on the same team. When pre-team leader Ruby was scared or upset or didn't know what to do, she went to Yang. Evidence of her seeking Yang out in the forest for partners.

And though they have grown together and apart in some sense over time, it's only been like 2 years. And a large part of one year they weren't together. Yang still sees Ruby, not as the all-knowing powerful leader Weiss, Blake, and Jaune look up to, but simply as her little sister. The one that ran to her when she scraped her knee or had a bad day. The little girl that she read stories to and stayed up late at night to tell each other their dreams and worst nightmares.

And Yang has been trying to ask if Ruby was alright this whole time. Many times and either Ruby brushed her off, or they were interrupted. But now, almost unexpectedly, Yang is realizing Ruby isn't that girl anymore. She isn't going to run to her when she needs someone. She isn't Ruby's strength or her protector anymore, and it frightens her.

Yang is scared. She's trying to figure out where their crossroads split along the way. Was it her fault? Did she miss the signs?

"Why didn't she come to me like she always used to?" Most likely running through her head.

Then Blake says Ruby was just upset, and Yang loses it for a second because she's seen Ruby upset. She's seen her in far worse emotional turmoil than any of them, and this is something different. She knows it is.

She wasn't blaming Ruby for running, she's terrified because she practically raised Ruby. She knows her better than anyone and she's never seen her like this and even if she couldn't fathom Ruby choosing what she did, she knows something way worse is going on than any of the rest.

#rwby analysis #ruby rose #yang xiao long #rwby9 #sisters are a complicated matter #yang is trying her best #anon asks

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lgbtqmanga · 4 months

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New Releases Dec. 12, 2023

The Black Cat & the Vampire vol. 2 by Nikke Taino

Studious Yuki Hasegawa found himself pursued by the unbearably popular Jean Michele and embroiled in a potentially deadly search for a monster hiding among the students of Blanc College boarding school. When Jean accidentally bites Yuki after their school dance, Yuki is forced to come to terms with the idea that vampires are real and Blanc College is full of them. When Jean explains the cruel power of a human's love, Yuki wonders if the only way to keep vampires from feeling that cursed urge to drink blood if for humans not love them. Will Yuki be able to stop his budding feelings for Jean now that he knows what fate awaits them...?

Bofuri: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, So I'll Max Out My Defense (novel) vol. 11 by Yuumikan and Koin

A bunch of talented new guilds are ready to give Maple Tree a run for their money. But Maple’s not too worried. The thought of chances for more PvP has her fired up! Between scouting out other guilds for info on their rivals and looking for new skills to make themselves even deadlier, Maple Tree has plenty of work to do as the Ninth Event kicks off!

Hirano and Kagiura vol. 4 by Shou Harusono

Ten seconds a day. That’s how long Hirano agreed to let Kagiura do the touchy-feely thing he insisted on. Hirano’s not sure it’s really doing anything, but whatever floats his boat, right? In any case, between all of Kagiura’s grumbling and Hirano’s friends’ reactions, Hirano is left pondering—what exactly counts as doting on his roommate...?

I Married My Female Friend vol. 1 by Shio Usui

Kurumi and Ruriko made a deal: if they were both single in five years, they would marry each other. Five years later, neither woman is attached, so it’s time for a wedding! Marriage is full of firsts, especially for two friends, so they have a lot to learn about each other in their newly shared home. But will they continue this arrangement like two especially close roommates…or will a different kind of love bloom between them?

MADK vol. 3 by Ryo Suzuri

FINAL VOLUME!

Makoto has long been ostracized because of his odd hobbies and a sexual kink others see as disgusting. After summoning a demon from hell called Archduke J, Makoto sells his soul to him and is reborn himself as a demon in hell. As he learns and grows in his new role, his infatuation with J turns into an obsession - an obsession to surpass the very demon who birthed him!

Magic Knight Rayearth vol. 1 by CLAMP

Contains updated translation and lettering created for the 25th-anniversary release.

Three girls who couldn't be more different meet on a school trip to Tokyo Tower--and find themselves beamed into a parallel world called Cefiro, where the mysterious Pillar has recruited them to avert a calamity! With the help of a motley troop of rogues and wizards, they will unlock the power of three transforming giant dragons known as Rune Gods and rush to the Pillar's aid...but there's more going on at the heart of Cefiro than they know!

My Mate is a Feline Gentleman: UK Arc Over by Arata Asanae

Toushirou, an omega, and Alex, his Nyartigian alpha mate, are now living together in bliss. But one day, Alex is called for a short-term assignment in the UK…and included is a special note that his mate can accompany him. Though Alex hesitates because of the dangers, Toushirou’s desire to visit a foreign country wins out, and the two set off on a journey to a new land…

Pink Heart Jam vol. 1 by Shikke

For college student Haiga, starting school in the big city is a chance to make new friends and try new things. On the first day of classes, he spots an impossibly gorgeous upperclassman named Kanae strumming a guitar and decides to join the school’s rock band. But later, when a drunken dare gives Haiga the opportunity to visit a male brothel, he finds his crush employed there as a sex worker!

Haiga lets Kanae introduce him to gay sex, and afterward his innocent crush on Kanae is replaced with a whole new type of attraction. Even as their bond outside the brothel strengthens, Kanae will only be intimate inside its confines—and only in certain ways. What will it take for the two to go beyond experimentation and forge a real relationship?

The Witches' Marriage vol. 2 by studio HEADLINE

Melissa only entered into a "Witches' Marriage" with Tanya as a means to opening the Door of Truth. But as she gets to know her pure-hearted wife, they grow closer, and Melissa's feelings start to change. Will joining a class for witch couples cement their bond, or undo all their progress?

#lgbt manga #queer manga #manga #new releases #novels

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bubblesandgutz · 4 months

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Every Record I Own - Day 801: The Rolling Stones Exile on Main St.

I hesitate to say things like "favorite album of all time," but if I lost my whole record collection in a fire, the first album I would replace would be Exile on Main St.

What is a favorite album anyway? One where you love every song from start to finish? That's not what this is. Not every song is a hit. Hell, even the singles off the album weren't hits. Exile is a strange, murky, uneven double album recorded in Keith Richards' basement in the south of France while the band were tax exiles from their native England. Mick Jagger is buried low in the mix. The performances are loose even by the Stones' standards. Initial reviews from critics weren't exactly positive. And yet there's something about it that keeps luring you back.

I first bought a used CD of Exile in the early '00s at the insistence of a few folks in the Against Me! camp. Aside from a handful of songs, I really wasn't much of a Stones fan. But I was okay with the $5 I'd spent after one spin of "Rocks Off." It's the archetypal Stones song---it's got the classic open-G Richards riff to kick it off. But where similar intros like "Brown Sugar" or "Start Me Up" just unfolded into songs that, at the time, felt lukewarm and uninspired to me, "Rocks Off" actually ROCKED. The song just keeps climbing up and up, ascending to greater heights. And when the second chorus comes in with the horns? Holy fuck... yes. And what's this song even about? Sexual frustration? "I only get my rocks off when I'm sleeping." Wait... is this song about wet dreams? Why have I been barraged by "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" all my life when this is clearly the most kick-ass Stones tune by a WIDE margin?

But wait... then the band launches into "Rip This Joint" and now I have to reconsider that maybe THIS is the most kick-ass Stones song ever. It's like Little Richards if he took too much trucker speed. And that scream Jagger let's out during the last verse: "Little Rock fit to drop... AAHHHHH!! JUST LET IT ROCK."

Fuckin' A. Shoot that shit into my veins.

But then... "Hip Shake." An old blues cover that just kinda simmers but never reaches a full boil. They had all this momentum, and they just completely dropped the ball. For at least the first couple of years I listened to Exile I would play the first two songs and then hit stop on track 3. Truth be told, at least part of the reason for that was that my cheap used CD started skipping at track 4.

Fast forward to 2004 and my first iPod. Now I could listen to all of Exile without the glitches. But "Hip Shake" was still a buzzkill and "Casino Boogie" doesn't exactly reignite the party with its reserved shuffle. Side 1 closes with one of the two singles off of Exile: "Tumbling Dice." And to be fair, it's a pretty good song. It's got a little bit of that gospel flair that I've always sorta hated in rock bands, but as with so many rock tropes, classic-era Rolling Stones actually did it well, and all the imitators are what ruined it.

Over the next few years I listened to Exile on my iPod a fair amount, usually when I wanted something with positive energy playing in the background but didn't want to have to actually pay much attention to it. I didn't care much for any particular songs later in the album, but it was better than listening to classic rock radio at a low volume. So yeah, not exactly "favorite album" material.

My appreciation for the album really changed when I got a well-loved used 2xLP copy at Singles Going Steady in Seattle. Now Exile was broken up into four distinct chapters. Those first five songs were like their own little universe. Two rockers, a tension builder, a strutting shuffle, and a triumphant closer. Flip it over to Side 2 and you have a whole other trip.

And holy shit, how did I not appreciate Side 2 earlier? This is where the magic really blossoms. You've got the scandalous gospel-country tune "Sweet Virginia" with it's multiple drug references and the chorus of "got to scrape that shit right off your shoes." And then you have "Torn & Frayed," a Gram Parsons-inspired country rock tune. It might not rip like those first two songs on Exile, but as far as the melodic side of Stones goes, this is easily one of their best tunes ever. And that slide guitar solo? Fuckin' hell. How was this not a single? How is it not a classic rock staple?

From there we go into "Sweet Black Angel," a political country / world music mash-up in defense of the civil rights activist Angela Davis. And then we have "Loving Cup." Ya know, when you're a kid first hearing music from the '70s, you latch onto the John Bonhams and Bill Wards and Keith Moons---the drummers that just bash like madmen. Charlie Watts seems so boring in comparison. But listen closer and you realize that Charlie keeps the show going. He's not a show pony, but he holds the ramshackle band together with a simple, graceful groove. Wanna know why Charlie rules? Just listen to "Loving Cup." And hell, the drums aren't even the best part of the song.

If Exile ended there, I don't think it would've endured years / decades of derision. But there's still a whole other LP of music and it starts slipping into some strange territories. I could easily go track by track and explain what I love about each song, but I think the thing that's kept me coming back to Exile over and over again is the mystery, and maybe it's best to leave that mystery alone for the uninitiated. Like, why was the second single for the album one where Jagger doesn't even sing ("Happy")? What's even going on in "Just Wanna See His Face"? Why wouldn't they follow the ripping two opening tracks with the equally hair-raising "All Down The Line"? Why would they end the album on "Soul Survivor" after the apex of "Shine A Light"? Give it a listen and try to solve the puzzle yourself. It's worth the journey.

By now we all know that Exile was a record made at the peak of the Stones' debauchery and resulting consequences. And maybe on some level it sounds like a band barely holding it together. But it also sounds like a band where the creative peak overlapped with their most desperate times. It's a record that sounds like a party with its moments of elation, chaos, druggy haze, and inevitable comedown. It's a record with its faults, but the faults become part of its charm.

Nowadays, it's rare that I go more than a week at a time without listening to Exile. I have so many great memories listening to this record. It's picked me up when I'm down; it's made the mundane seem magical; it's made a sunny afternoon feel even sunnier. And somehow it still feels fresh and exciting and ecstatic and reflective every time I listen to it.

A perfect record? Absolutely not. But one of the best records ever made? Absolutely.

#the rolling stones #everyrecordiown

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skania · 10 months

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Replies to OnK Asks #2

I have enough for another round of replies, so let's go!

If you sent me an anon message these past two days, the answer should be below the cut! If it isn't then I either missed it or Tumblr ate your message, please don't hesitate to message me again if that's the case

Just in case, there are spoilers for Chapter 123 below the cut!

Hang in there anon! Even if Ruby has grown, Sarina's love for Goro is basically frozen in time. I'm sure that if Sarina had had the chance to grow older, her love for Goro would've naturally transitioned into something more age appropriate. As it is though, it was born within the bubble of her hospital room where Goro was one of the only two good things she had in her life, and then Ruby continued to nurture it through the years by desperately hoping she may come across him again.

For years, Goro has been her romanticized, idealized, impossible first love. So when she finds out that Aqua is Goro, she isn't thinking This is inappropriate, he is my brother! She is instinctively reacting the same way Sarina would've reacted to reuniting with Goro. Ruby needs time to process her feelings.

I also think that Sarina's feelings for Goro were the innocent kind of love where a child is like: This person makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! I want to be with them forever! We should get married!

So eventually, I'm sure Ruby will realize that being Aqua's sister is perfect, because this way they already are forever bonded to each other.

People are saying that? They're really trying to find every possible reason under the sun to hate on her 😂 I think one valid critique would be to say that Akane made that offer while not being sure of her own feelings/thinking Aqua had no feelings for her, but... how is that worth hating her? If I didn't love Akane, I'd have just felt sad for her—hating her would've never crossed my mind lol

I mean, I'm not sure we can generalize. But from what I've seen, people ship just as hard there as we do over here, it's just that they're better at separating fandom from canon. If the ship they like doesn't happen, they usually won't go on a public tirade against the work—they may criticize it a bit in their own corner, but usually they just continue shipping their thing in peace.

All in all though, Aka doesn't seem like the type to do what people want him to do. I believe he will do whatever he feels works best for the story he wants to tell lol

Ohhh that's interesting! In the few months that Ruby spent on Revenge Mode, she did show more ruthlessness than Aqua would be capable of, so maybe you're right and Crow Girl would've ideally wanted Ruby to be the one carrying it out.

Crow Girl is 100% right though, Aqua just isn't cut for revenge. He is too soft-hearted, too kind. He may be fine with everyone hating him, but he won't be fine with anyone but him suffering, so he is doomed to fail lol

Thank you anon!! You have a good day, too!

Manga Plus!

Off the top of my head: flustered Aqua, whenever he makes Akane pout, Akane trying to feed him, Aqua getting caught-off-guard when Akane can tell he wants to talk about breaking up, the whole do-you-have-that-kind-of-feelings-for-me? talk and Akane teasing him when he comes to pick her up with the umbrella are some of their funniest moments for me 😂

Yes!! You have a very good point anon, Aqua's and Akane's reconciliation is being saved for later. It's just like the next Akane volume cover, the fact that we haven't gotten one yet shows that we will be getting some nice Akane chapters in the future.

Thanks anon, I'm glad you see it too! Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but in all honesty after Chapter 123 I now have a hard time picturing Aqua's feelings for Kana as romantic. Kana's are the wild card, since hers have always been portrayed as romantic. We'll have to wait and see but so far, she seems to be following in Maki's (Kaguya-Sama) steps lol

I'm glad that Akane Kurokawa is Akane Kurokawa. She is one and only.

Well said anon, me too!!

I think the difference is that Kana's "radiance" comes from her genuine feelings. When she feels down, she can't shine. When she is happy, she shines brightly like the sun.

That's indeed the reason why she was only able to shine as an idol while Aqua was there. He was the reason she became an idol in the first place, and he's also the one she performed for; the one she wanted looking at her.

So while Ai (mostly) shone through the character she carefully constructed for herself, Kana shines due to her true feelings.

I do think that some readers aren't particularly interested in understanding him. At the same time, I get it because not everyone is reading OnK with the desire to analyse it. Some people just read it/watch it for fun and without paying much attention, which is perfectly fine although perhaps not exactly the best approach to Aka's writing lol

It's fine though, the person Aqua is will be pretty obvious by the end of the manga, so anyone who has missed it so far will surely get it by then!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I agree with a lot of what you're saying, and to answer your question:

do you really think Goro like Sarina in a romantic ways?

No, I don't! There's no chance of Goro liking Sarina romantically, he saw her like an innocent child and treated her as such. There's no ambiguity there at all, his "I'll think about it when you're 16" was just a round-about way of turning her down while gently reminding her of their age-gap. They both knew that Sarina likely wouldn't make it to 16, so I believe it was also Goro's way of trying to make both, himself and Sarina, imagine a future where Sarina was still alive. It's so sad 😭

And yes, the fact that Akane is so different is a great thing! She's also the only one that doesn't seem to have family issues, so there's even less for Aqua to project onto her. The obvious exception being when Akane temporarily lost the will to live, since Aqua likely could empathize 😭

You're absolutely right anon! For some people, it's like the Aqua/Akane relationship jumped from Chapter 30 to Chapter 98 with absolutely nothing in between—except for Chapter 81 and 87, but even then, only two panels count. The rest doesn't matter 😂

And it's not like there aren't alternative ways to interpret their relationship without ignoring everything that's happened between them and all their development. Hell, they could even say: yeah Akane almost got him, but failing to understand that Aqua just needed her by her side cemented her loss. She lost her chance—or something, and it would be a perfectly valid take! But some people just can't acknowledge that Aqua and Akane have a genuine, meaningful bond because they either a) want Aqua to be an edgelord b) want Aqua to only have eyes for their girl of choice.

Luckily, this willful denial of Aqua and Akane's bond can't change what's written in the manga lol

#onk asks convos #WAIT I MISSED ONE #UPDATING THE POST AS I TYPE THIS #update: it's all good now!

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muthaz-rapapa · 1 year

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[Theory] Kaito's Desired Endgame

Actually, this is more of breakdown of why I don't think the common (?) theory of him aiming to switch Akiho and Sakura's lives is true.

It just bugged me a lot and I need to sort these thoughts out of system. Because if Kaito does want the girls to switch places, then that would count as malicious intent on his part (cuz doing so would harm Sakura which is like the biggest tabooboo in CCS land). And that doesn't align with what I see in the portrayal of his character so far.

Yea, he may be sneaky but there has been nothing to suggest that Kaito is a cruel or evil person. Far from it.

So I'm going to attempt to prove the "switch lives" theory wrong and come up with a possible new one at what his real goal might be. (others may have thought some of this up already but I've been out of the loop on CC as a whole to mentally recover so...just please give me space, thanks)

Remaining chapters

Let's start with the technical stuff first.

CC will end with vol 14 and right now we are currently at 69 chapters with ch 70 to be released at the end of January (so within a few days).

Usually a volume has 5-6 chapters with each one being about an average of 30 pages long. If so, the story should end with ch 70 or 71, right? Since vol 13 ended with ch 65 so ch 66-69, which are already out, fills up 4 chapters of vol 14 already.

Well, final manga volumes can be thicker than the regular volume by having more pages in the final chapter(s).

This happened with Pandora Hearts (the only other manga I have on hand that I can use as reference for this matter). Its final Japanese volume (24) had 70 more pages than the previous vol 23 and the final chapter alone totaled around 100 pages. See below photo for comparison:

Yea, so at the very least I think we might get 1 or 2 more extended chapters after 70 to wrap everything in the story up properly. 3 chapters maximum if we're really pushing it.

It can't be 5 chapters because then the story would end end at vol 15, not 14.

Right? Right. Ok, next.

EDIT: I stand corrected because ANN announced in an article last year (?) it would end at vol 14 but apparently, there was a mistake and now it'll end at vol 15. So yea, there's 5 more chapters of story after ch 70!

2) The possibility of a "simulation" or a dream-like scenario where the two "Alice"s experience switched lives.

Kind of something similar to the final judgement in the first arc where Sakura faced off against Yue before becoming the master of the former Clow Cards. The part where she went unconscious and saw a world where everybody forgot who they loved most?

Yea, that's exclusive to the anime series. It didn't occur in the original manga where Sakura stayed conscious, fended Yue off and won a lot faster.

If such a thing were to be added to CC's finale, you're going to need at least 3 out of the 6 chapters left for the desired...emotional impact. But even so, when we've spent a whole two volumes in the fantasy world of Clockland already, adding another layer to this "dream" the characters are already in...it's kinda superfluous and tiring, to be honest.

Not to mention, you need pages to wrap up other things as well. Like addressing Sakura's control over her growing powers? How are they gonna close that out? What about the European magicians? Will we know what they'll do once they learned Akiho isn't the artifact anymore? So many things to do before ch 75.

Creating and diving into another reality adds a whole other problem to the pile and frankly, even with the Exchange card, I don't believe there's even enough magic to be able to pull off such feat either.

But more on that later because there's something else that I must address before that.

3) Clues aren't direct and premonitions aren't exact.

There seems to be some collective perception that Momo's hint for Sakura back in ch 50-51 is suggesting Kaito intends to have Sakura replaced with Akiho and that's why nobody recognizes Sakura when she runs around frantically asking everyone what's going on.

Bzzt. Wrong.

The hint was not that she was going to be forced to switch lives (because if that were true, where was Akiho then?) but rather, Sakura was going to be thrown into the world of the story of Alice in Clockland. In other words, Momo's book.

Notice how all the houses and trees and stuff resemble props within a play? And how the school play eventually ended up connecting with the story in the book.

Yea, the hint was telling everyone that the finale will take place in a fictional setting.

As for why none of her family and friends recognized her in Momo's simulation, the opposite actually happened when Sakura became "Alice" after entering the book.

In the hint, Sakura remembers everyone but nobody knows who she is.

In the book, Alice!Sakura doesn't remember who she herself is but all the Clear Cards that took on the image of her loved ones (and therefore, are representing her loved ones) do.

In other words, the hint was meant to throw everyone off of what to expect while still giving us a clue of what will occur in later chapters. (side note: this also sorta brings to mind a line that Alice in the AiW books said: "Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't.")

And the meaning behind the hint became clear quite recently to me too.

Sakura was able to break the spell on her and recall her true identity by remembering the bonds she has with the people important to her. This effectively indicates that the memories we have with others are a large part of what defines who we are.

That if we don't lose sight of our connections with those dear to us, we won't lose sight of ourselves either.

Just like how Akiho recalled much faster about who she herself is by remembering never forgetting her feelings for Kaito.

Next, the premonitions.

Keep in mind that while Sakura's dreams fortell the future, they are also a product of her mind trying to sort things out while she's sleeping.

The things we couldn't readily process while awake (like confusion, shock, etc) would often be set aside in our unconsciousness to be dealt with later. Notably during the time we're not awake.

And I believe that the brain would try process those things to the best of its ability...but it can only do so with the information it already has available on hand. So anything you're not aware of or don't know yet, something else will be used as placeholder instead.

For example, the cloaked figure that Sakura pulled the hood off to reveal (a soulless-eyed) Syaoran underneath. That actually foretold that she will confront the Dreaming Card and an imposter Syaoran (aka Kaito in disguise) in Momo's book.

When she was still dreaming of MCF (sp?), she wasn't aware of Kaito's true identity as a magician yet so she kept seeing Syaoran in the cloak who always wore an expressionless face that she couldn't decipher. Because she didn't know that person was going to be Kaito.

But after she learned Kaito could use magic in ch 54, she no longer saw MCF!Syaoran in her dreams anymore.

Additionally, the Akiho who Sakura saw in her dreams turned out to be different than what's happening now.

In her dreams, Akiho is not conscious and always wearing her ritual dress with a vacant expression on her face. Like an empty doll.

But in the book, Akiho is awake despite the fact that her memory was temporarily subdued and she is wearing a noticeably different outfit. The dress of the Red Queen.

Her expressions are solemn but her eyes are very much alive in contrast to the Akiho in the dreams.

As for the serpentine winged dragon, no one smart should've expected it could represent anyone else other than Kaito.

On the corner of Kaito's robes as well as the back, there is the symbol of the dragon.

But as Sakura didn't suspect Kaito of anything yet at the time when she started having these dreams, her mind used the image of a dragon to clue her in on who she will be confronting later on.

However, it should be noted that none of what Sakura saw in the dreams suggests that she will switch lives with Akiho.

It only foretold that she will meet and confront these figures (the imposter Syaoran/Kaito in disguise, Akiho, the Dreaming Card and the dragon/Kaito as his real self) within the book.

And that future she saw already came to be as of these past two volumes.

4) The creation of the Exchange card

It should be pretty obvious by now that the whole synchro plan was for the sake of creating the circumstances needed to establish the foundations of this card.

Through Akiho and Sakura sharing feelings and bits of memories across their joint dreams, the idea of a "trade" has been incepted into Sakura's mind early on so that she will eventually create a card that can function as a link, a channel, for an exchange to be possible on immediate demand.

Throwing her into the book and making her "Alice" was just the final push to materialize the card into existence. Because the cards are born from Sakura's inner emotions, the events that led up to this point were meant to foster a certain feeling within her for that purpose.

As "Alice", the heroine, she was faced with the dilemma of the Red Queen's loneliness and inability to leave Clockland. That is what developed a wish in her to save the Queen (Akiho).

A desire to help Akiho by saying "I should've taken your place".

With that desire, a new card is born.

My prediction was correct (partially). Kaito was betting on this with the combination of his two plans (the synchro + the story of Clockland). He wanted to utilize the heroine's tendency towards altruism to bring about the card he needed.

As long as Sakura wanted to save Akiho, she would be able to birth the card needed for such a task.

However, none of that necessarily means he intends to use it to switch their lives. The only definitive thing out of this was that he wanted a specific card from Sakura all along...which is also what he's been saying all along, too.

How he intends to use the card may not be what everyone is expecting.

5) Conditions that need to be met + conflicts that may arise in using Exchange.

There are several things we need to ask before we come to any conclusions, chiefly among them the following:

Who can use the Exchange card? (read: is likely to use it in the current scenario)

And do the conditions differ depending on the person using it? Along with what their respective wish is?

First off, let's remember that the four central characters are all within a rather ambiguous space at the moment.

While the Clear Cards are there in the book and were created by Sakura, she was told that not all of them would not outright obey her commands. Or at least, they are following her subconscious will rather than her conscious one.

For example, when Sakura was fighting off the Dreaming card, trying to escape the book with Akiho, only to realize she didn't truly leave the book and what she saw was only a dream. Her attempt to leave was an illusion...a dream that she wished for as clarified by Kaito after it broke.

In other words, it can be interpreted that what Sakura truly wanted deep down was to believe that everything happening around her was not real. That it was a dream.

We should also note that Kaito, as the author/creator of Clockland, has some significant control over this field as well. They are playing on his turf right now so he has a slight advantage over them.

At the very least, the ones that seem to hold the most sway over the turnout of the story are the two most powerful magicians present (Sakura and Kaito) as well as the one whose choice will influence them the most (Akiho).

Moreover, we should also remember that he was able to use Clear Mirror to disguise himself as Syaoran.

As such, who can be called "master" over a Card may have been blurred within the book. It's possible the cards can respond to the will of anyone.

Depending on whose hand they're being held in and perhaps also, provided that the order they give doesn't conflict with Sakura's subconscious desire.

So now it becomes the question of who Exchange will fall into the hands of...

If it goes to Sakura, there are two ways this can play out:

Kaito reveals the truth about him and Akiho along with his wish to Sakura and asks her to use Exchange to fulfill it. If his wish is for her to switch lives with Akiho (and therefore, harmful intent), of course Sakura would refuse and his plan will fail on the spot. So naturally, it can't be that. Frankly, this approach makes no sense and further rules out the switch theory. Kaito cannot afford to fail in his quest to save Akiho so he needs a plan that is as airtight as possible with a higher percentage of succeeding. Relying completely on Sakura's goodwill won't give him that because he knows Sakura isn't a pushover. He knows she wouldn't just say "yes" to anything drastic even if it's to save a friend.

A more likely possibility is that he would offer himself in exchange for Akiho's life. His priority is to save Akiho and the most immediate danger is the book inside her. More than switching lives, he needs that book removed (and there's no guarantee that switching lives will remove the book anyway). He is willing to sacrifice everything he has, including his magic and what's left of his dwindling life, to get it out of her. In which case, Sakura would also refuse because not only would that hurt Akiho if she loses Kaito but it would also be assisted suicide. Which is something she would never consent to (and also extremely inappropriate for a story with a young age demographic). Sakura would never consent to sacrificing someone else no matter what the cause, especially when she still knows nothing about Kaito. And when she does learn the truth about him and his and Akiho's past, it will just make her refuse to let Kaito die even harder.

This part of the theory hasn't taken into consideration of what other cards she might use later (like Rewind) but I think we can say with some certainty that Exchange in Sakura's hands would be a dead end for Kaito so he will probably do his best to not let it go to her.

Now, if Exchange falls to Kaito, then it's a question of what his true intentions are with this card.

Everyone wants to perceive that he wishes to switch the girls' lives.

But I...simply do not believe there's enough time to bring about something that cosmic-sized of a change (along with all the action it entails), prevent it, resolve the issues at hand, have Sakura's party learn everything about Akiho and Kaito's pasts, reconcile...and then dedicate the entire last chapter to SyaoSaku being loveydovey with each other for fanservice. If the last 5 chapters are all 30 pages each.

Also, it seems a little too obvious to be true and there are too many contradictions that can make this go wrong.

For one, if we follow by the rules of magic, magical transactions usually need to be equal in value on both sides to be done successfully. Otherwise it will either not go through...or there will be severe consequences to make the transaction even.

So the definition behind Exchange shouldn't be that different.

Frankly, in the case of Akiho and Sakura's respective lives, they are not in fact equal.

They may share some things in common (being chocomint fans, of the same height, etc) but those are all surface similarities and nothing deep.

Since they've led different lives and had different experiences, they would naturally have different feelings, different hearts and therefore, different values.

What is important to Sakura is not the same for what is important to Akiho. For instance, the people they love most are different and thus, inexchangable.

There are also things that Sakura has that Akiho doesn't (magic, family, happy childhood, etc) and that goes the same the other way around, too. Akiho possesses things that Sakura doesn't have either (passion for books, emotional scars, trauma, and a deeper understanding of darkness due to a sad past).

Adding that up, the exchange would be doomed to fail because Akiho and Sakura are too distinct from each other as individuals to be switched smoothly.

Kaito is a magician so on top of knowing how different Akiho is from Sakura, he must be aware of this rule as well.

Furthermore, if the Exchange card takes into account what the user sees as equal in value for a trade, then he would fail there too.

Because of course he would place more importance on Akiho's life than Sakura's or anyone else's.

The scales would be tipped and maybe the magic might not even start up because the conditions for a fair trade have not been met to initiate it.

There's also the possibility of Kaito exchanging positions with Akiho.

In fact, he and Akiho are on more even standing than Akiho and Sakura are.

They share similar backgrounds (lonely pasts, traumatic and abused childhoods) and both are in danger of "dying" with their time running out (Kaito from using too much rewind, Akiho from the progression of the artifact that will erase her soul).

Since Kaito possesses a lot of innate magic while Akiho has that book filled with magic inside her, he can have Exchange put the book inside him while Akiho receives his magic. Doing so, Akiho's soul is preserved at the cost of his own.

But does he really want that with how much his life has been shaved off already from the multiple rewinds?

Doubt it.

Because besides saving her soul, Kaito wants Akiho to live a long and happy life as well. He didn't do all this work just to extend her life for a few more days or weeks or months. He wants her to have a future.

Moreover, even if it can save her soul, any method that forces magic onto Akiho goes against the biggest principle he's been standing by this entire time: that Akiho doesn't need magic.

That she isn't less valuable because she doesn't have any powers.

Whether it be from Sakura or him, it doesn' t matter. He does not want Akiho to change since she's already fine as she is now. She's fine being a normal person.

Giving her magic goes against the moral of their story and most of all, would validate the cruel criticism Akiho's clan had always thrown at her which is something Kaito would want to avoid at all costs.

So any way that ends with Akiho gaining magic is a no no. Because as long as she has magic, whether as an artifact or a magician, Akiho will always be in danger of being taken back by her clan to serve their own purposes.

They only have any interest in her if she contains power within her. If she doesn't, they will give up trying to reclaim her. That is the best outcome Kaito could hope for. Hence why he wants the book removed because then the magicians will stop chasing after Akiho for good and she can finally live in peace.

One more thing. A switch of lives means uprooting what has established the girls as the people they are now...which is gonna be incredibly hard to do.

Not only does it mess with personal history and relationships and therefore, effectively change who they are, it can screw up world through... some effect.

The girls have already lived 13 years, they made their mark in the records of time. The logic that constitutes them individually are already imprinted on the fabric of reality. This is not easily undone, rearranged and stitched perfectly back together.

And the price to attempt it sounds like it would be too much as well. It's not something Kaito alone can pay for. Not even with his and Sakura's magic combined.

Again, his major goals are 1) to remove the book from Akiho foremost and 2) to ensure that nothing that makes Akiho "Akiho" changes.

That includes the things that are the most precious to her. Her appreciation for books, her cherishment of Momo, the friendships she's made in Tomoeda.

And also, her love for her parents.

She may not have known them but she still treasures the fact that she had parents once, that she is the daughter to someone. The few things she does know about her mother and father, she keeps close to her heart. She wants to hold onto whatever she has of them because she has nothing else of them to keep.

Kaito understands this more than anyone because Akiho told this to him herself.

And the fact that Lilie, Akiho's mother, was also a significant person in his life is more than enough to deter him from ever wanting to sever the connection Akiho has with her parents. Because Lilie is an important part of Akiho, too. If Akiho loses that, she will no longer be the Akiho that she is now.

In short, switching Akiho's life with another's might turn her into a girl who has warm family and friends and a happy, sheltered childhood and all...but that girl wouldn't be the same Akiho in front of him at this moment.

Therefore, I must conclude that exchanging Akiho and Sakura's lives is probably not what he's aiming for. Because that ultimately means changing Akiho from who she is now into someone entirely different.

She would not be Akiho anymore if that happens.

6) Kaito's true wish + the endgame he wants

This is the part where I throw out a new theory.

Even if it's not an exchange of lives or magic, there will still be an exchange of something.

A wish and a price to pay for that wish.

Kaito wants the book that has been carved into Akiho's body to be removed.

The book has been implanted by the powers of many, many magicians from both the Association and Akiho's clan. And over the years, more magic has been added to its pages through all the books Akiho had read.

The amount of magic within her, though not specified, must be enormous. For it to be taken out without harming the vessel (Akiho) would require a very hefty price.

Kaito's life and his magic might not be enough. Hell, even adding Sakura's magic into the equation, overflowing as it is, might not be enough either because she is still only one person against the hundreds of magics and taboos stored in Akiho.

So what can Kaito offer, something that only belongs to him, to make it so the book no longer endangers Akiho? What does he alone possess that can match in equal value for the fulfillment of that wish?

Perhaps his own existence?

As in, erasing it from the world? That's a pretty big offer, isn't it?

Like it was discussed above, any tempering with the events of time is a very difficult thing to accomplish. In the magician society, it is also a widely known taboo. You don't mess with the workings of time and even the altering of one person's life in the flow of it can result in some significant change.

But see, if this is indeed possible...then the task is "easier" to carry out with Kaito precisely because there a very few people who are aware of him. In fact, the less others know about him, the better. It would not create such a big backlash if he were to disappear.

Because he thinks he didn't make enough of an impact on anything that would be hard to forget and also probably believes that everybody wants to forget about him.

He has no blood relatives looking for him so he believes he doesn't have a true home or family to go back or belong to.

The Association only ever saw him as a tool to be used and is out to kill him for taking Akiho (the artifact) away so they definitely won't miss him.

And nobody in Sakura's party really understands what he's after. They only suspect he's scheming something so they think the worst of him because they lack information to consider otherwise. Moreover, Kaito had also went to great lengths to hide his personal information from being discovered. He doesn't want people to know about him because that will make disappearing much more difficult.

Knowing him and his self-loathing, his belief and depression that he'll always be alone, his guilt over that blank book comment that brought this fate upon Akiho (the person he loves most) and how little time he has left to live anyway, Kaito is definitely in the mindset that there would be no problem if he were gone.

For him, it might even be preferable. This way, Akiho can be saved and he (as the "villain" he thinks he is) can exit this story, this world, so that it could have the "happy ending" he envisioned.

Though I suspect he wouldn't request for an ending on such a massive scale either because again, he cannot risk anything that could change Akiho from who she is now.

He'd still want his efforts to remain, to keep everything that built up this story to stay (taking Akiho away from her clan, bringing her to Japan, letting her meet and befriend Sakura, enacting the magic of Momo's book to remove the artifact, etc) so that it preserves Akiho's foundations as her own person.

He would just want to blot himself out. So that only he is forgotten after this is all over.

Akiho can still have Momo, her friends, her memories of her parents, the life she's lived up till now. It's only Kaito who wouldn't be there like he originally was.

There may be blank spots left behind where he used to be but since not many people knew about him, he trusts the world can fill in those blanks on its own. Like history correcting itself by creating little "coincidences" or whatever to explain and make sure things make sense.

For Akiho, he knows he can at least entrust her into Sakura's care after he's gone. That might be another reason why he allowed them to form a close friendship in spite of the dangers it could've posed to Akiho (i.e. the artifact reacting to Sakura's magic and reaching closer to completion, thereby shutting Akiho's consciousness down).

It wasn't just for the sake of the synchro and creating the Exchange card he was waiting for. It was also because he needed a good person to be there for Akiho, someone who is capable of protecting her when he no longer could. And for sure, he has confidence in Sakura because everybody knows Sakura will never abandon a person in need.

As long as the book is removed, the European magicians won't come after Akiho anymore. Sakura and co can take good care of Akiho because they are kind people. They will give her a safe place to stay, away from all the troubles of magic.

Including him, who believes his value lies only in his magic and was the source of this whole mess to begin with because of his affiliation with magic.

To make up for his "sin", for what he accidentally did to Akiho, Kaito is more than willing to step aside and vanish so that he doesn't get in the way of Akiho being happy.

However, he could not be more wrong because he still has absolutely no idea just how much Akiho loves him and therefore, how it's inevitably going to change her, to destroy her, if he erases himself from her life.

She is who she is because of him. If it weren't for Kaito making the choice to take her away from her clan, to save her from the doom of losing her soul, she never would've gotten this far. She never would've survived to become the Akiho she is now. Never to know what love is, to make friends and to realize that she's always had the choice in the matter of her own happiness.

Kaito taught her all that. He gave her that chance when no one else did.

He is the lynchpin of her existence. The reason why he's the most important person in her life.

She was able to become who she was because he was there for her, to support her and encourage her and to protect her and love her as she should've been loved.

Take him away and everything that they both worked so hard for will become undone. It doesn't matter how well taken care of she is by people like Sakura afterwards, they can never fill the hole he'd leave behind.

That void will always hurt her because she knows something, someone, is missing from where they should be.

Only he can fill that spot in her heart. No one else can.

He is the only person for her. He is the only person who knows best how to let Akiho stay Akiho.

And Akiho's greatest task in this story is to make him see that.

To make him realize that there is someone who will be deeply affected if they were to lose him and that's her. The one he cares most about and wants to save the most.

If he doesn't want Akiho to change into something she isn't...

If he doesn't want to see her worst off than she is now, a hollow husk who will grieve the loss of him forever...

If he truly wants her to be happy, then he has to listen to her. He has to believe her when she says "I love you. I will never be the same without you so don't leave me. Stay with me."

With that, I think I can picture the order of what might happen for Akiho and Kaito.

Akiho will be saved first with the removal of the book.

Then Kaito will be saved next through some other miracle means with Sakura's assistance.

But for sure, it is Akiho who will contribute the most to stopping him from dropping off the edge of no return. That loss will be hers to bear if she fails to so the one who has to put in the most effort to save Kaito will also be the person who loves him the most.

And she'll do that all without the need for magic. Just like she's always done to get by.

She just needs to be herself, to just be Akiho.

After all, Akiho is the true main character of "Alice in Clockland" whereas Sakura is the stand-in heroine for the sake of manifesting the magic Kaito needs.

The world of Clockland can bend to her will because she is the Queen.

Likewise, the story of Clockland can end however she wishes it to because she is in fact, the real Alice.

Kaito weaved this tale for her sake, for the real Alice.

Therefore, only she has the power to stop him. Only Akiho, the real Alice, is capable of turning him away from death and giving him reason to want to live.

Kaito wants the best and happiest ending for Akiho? Then don't go. Don't disappear.

He needs to understand the importance of his connection with Akiho. He needs to understand what it is that his most beloved reader truly wants in order to properly give her the most satisfactory "happy ending".

#i'm sure it won't happen exactly like I'm imagining it would and there are def some things I forgot while thinking this theory up...#but w/e cuz I did this to clear my head so I can focus on the things I want to do now #anyway last hurrah to throw in the void before it finally ends #prayer circle for no more sequels cuz i hate this trend to death #cardaptor sakura #clear card hen #yuna d. kaito #shinomoto akiho #kinomoto sakura

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drstonetrivia · 10 months

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Chapter 193 Trivia

I really liked this chapter.

For a minute, I thought this was going to land on another body, but it looks like it just fell off the cliff and landed on flat, non-petrified-person stone. There is darker stone near the edges of the panel, closer to the petrified-stone color, but who knows...

First the beam is coming from behind the fort and they're facing towards it at the edge of a cliff, then next they're suddenly both faced away?

Did they try running away, or were they trying something else?

This confirms that the petrification in 2019 was in fact using only one medusa rather than a whole pyramid, and that Whyman's command is the same as the original, potentially proving that Whyman set off the first one too (why 12,800,000m and not simply 13,000,000? or 12,742,000?)

It's highly likely these are actual people since it wouldn't be the first time Boichi's added real people in as statues, but I'm not sure who they are (if I'm right, they could be totally random!)

If you have any ideas let me know!

I theorized last week that the sound of Stanley's gun going off could have cracked the bottle, but I guess I was wrong! Going by Stanley's imagination, it looks like Maya was on the opposite side of the tower and Xeno on his right(?), meaning the tower was probably surrounded.

This isn't the first time we've seen this exact pose.

(Senku also does it at one point in the anime, but only in theory)

Xeno's laptop! Since he's 20+ now and we can assume he's ~10 years old in this picture if it's meant to parallel Senku, then chances are this laptop is from the early 2000s... The base is pretty thick, it could be a ThinkPad? I'd love to know what's written on the back though...

More like three thousand, seven hundred and ten years ago! How time flies 😂

Stanley's doing an awful lot of moving for someone getting petrified, but I'm glad he finally got to light the cigarette he put in his mouth last chapter, (~19 minutes ago going by my beam calculations...)

The darker marks across his head are interesting too, new scars perhaps?

(They're probably not really scars, but they do seem to "grow" across his face like the stone, and no one else has it.)

Confirmation that the beam reached Japan! We know from one of the volume extras that the villagers were left with a job to do, and whatever it is seems to be near the old Tsukasa empire. I wonder what they're doing? Finding someone specific to revive? Building something?

Which teachings is Soyuz talking about? It could be about remembering his past way back in chapter 128 after seeing him again, or more likely a lesson about protecting the stone statues from damage so that they can be brought back later.

Both leaders are trying to protect their people. At least someone learnt to not get petrified in a fragile position (looking at you, Xeno.)

Notice Mirai is next to Kokuyo: could Kokuyo be acting as Mirai's father now that Tsukasa and Kohaku are gone and Ruri's all grown up?

The fact they're all in the exact same tucked pose could mean they had training drills for this situation, or have at least considered it. The villagers, as always, are ready for anything.

Mirai seems to have adopted Chalk, since she's the one Chalk is crying next to. A shame dog saliva doesn't work as revival fluid but a good attempt nonetheless. The question is, where was Sagara that it took half a day to find Chalk? Working on something as well, perhaps? 🤔

The radio tower on Roppongi Hills looks lit up, but they probably didn't leave the lights on since it was daytime when they got petrified. What could this light mean? Are they still receiving and sending signals?

The fact everyone who got petrified this time around is smiling gives me so much hope for the future. Unlike on Treasure Island where they were all frozen in fear on the Perseus, here they're almost relieved.

Note Gen's petrification scar paint is still visible on his skin!

How long have they been petrified? Going by the seasons changing, at least 2, maybe even 3 years. The problem is the boxes get smaller and less detailed, so an exact time frame is still unknown. At least Senku's counting for us!

Hello to the two new Wise Generals (since everyone else is gone!) This is definitely still Chalk and Sagara (they have ropes) but grown up. Why Chalk stayed looking the same for 4 years only to suddenly turn into a shiba inu I have no idea. Maybe it's very particular dirt?

I forgot to add this earlier, but we did get confirmation on where Chrome, Kaseki and Gen ended up. (Kaseki is right next to Chrome)

With this longer petrification, it means people may get new outfits, and non-painted scars will be gone. In addition, Senku's birthday will probably change time of year again.

While Chalk and Sagara are free, the American cows back in Corn City probably won't be doing too well.

I can't wait for next chapter: Chalk and Sagara, the new Adam and Eve of the Stone World.

#dr stone #193 #trivia #chapters

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bloodgulchblog · 1 year

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Starship Troopers is an interesting book (note: I said interesting, not good or correct), and I really think most people don’t know what it’s like.

If you haven’t read it, you probably have some idea of the shape of it based on 1) the movie and 2) the sheer volume of things that were heavily influenced by it (or heavily influenced by a work heavily influenced by it, given that the thing is over 60 years old and is retired with grandchildren now.)

You would be forgiven if you naturally suppose that Starship Troopers would have a lot of military action and alien fighting. It seems like a pretty obvious conclusion to draw. Hell, that was what I expected from Starship Troopers when I first read it as a teenager.

Starship Troopers is, at its core, Robert Heinlein conducting an extended thought experiment about morality and government. There are actually very few scenes of military action, much of the book is consumed by characters talking about how parts of their society (and especially the military) work to lay out an incomplete sketch of a “utopia.”

And the end result is pretty fucking wild.

Strap in, gang, this is a long one:

Our protagonist, who narrates the whole shebang in the first person, is Juan “Johnnie” Rico. If Troopers can be said to have a plot, it’s a coming-of-age story for Johnnie. The first chapter is a relatively exciting (if you enjoy Heinlein’s style) 20 page jaunt in Johnnie’s boots as a cap trooper: a power-armored soldier who drops from orbit with his unit to fight aliens. (The original idea from which MJOLNIR armor and ODSTs would come from is exactly this.) After that, we record scratch over to you-may-be-wondering-how-I-got-in-this-situation and go back in time.

Johnnie lives on Earth in the space future. He’s a rich kid on the cusp of 18. His parents expect him to start learning to be a good businessman, so he can one day take over for his father as head of The Family Business. (I don’t remember what The Family Business is, and I suspect Heinlein never bothered to tell me.)

However, there’s a flaw in this plan: Johnnie’s very best friend Carl has been talking to him about enlisting for Federal Service. Johnnie has never seriously considered it, and his parents haaaate the idea, but the thought won’t leave him alone. He goes with Carl, and when they encounter one of their classmates (a very pretty and smart girl, Carmencita) who wants to become a starship pilot (because Heinlein really thinks he’s really doing something with having only women be pilots because they’re naturally “better” at it) it cements the decision.

This is where we hit upon the foundation of Heinlein’s experiment: The thing about Federal Service in this world is that it’s the only way to become a full citizen with voting rights. Most people (like Johnnie’s parents) don’t think the right to vote is worth the effort and risk.

(I want to let you know an extremely funny spoiler: Johnnie's conflict with his father is finally resolved when, late in the book.... Johnnie's dad enlists in the infantry too because his son was a much bigger man for it and he is so proud of him now and Johnnie is so proud of his father and we are clearly supposed to be cheered and enheartened by this wild fucking reunion.)

Heinlein would later argue in an essay that he was sick of people assuming that Starship Troopers’ Federal Service is always military, but… That very much is the implication in here and I think it’s fair to read it that way. The 18-year-olds are met with a recruiting officer with multiple missing limbs, who has the job because it’s supposed to give them pause. He even tries to warn them off, but they’re all very sure.

(It's actually like, really funny to me.)

BONUS ROUND: the doctor that gives Johnnie a clean bill of health talking about how silly and stupid it is to go in for Federal Service, and some extremely 1950s science fiction verification of documents:

Carmencita is sharp enough that she’s probably a shoo-in for a pilot and Carl has zeroed in on working with electronics since he was a kid, but Johnnie has never been a particularly good student. He puts infantry down as his very least preferred option for service (you don’t get to choose, you see, but placement considers your preferences) but quickly figures out they’ve decided he’s unfit for anything else.

It’s okay, though! He can still back out! There will be no consequences… except forfeiting ever getting the chance to vote.

The first half of this book concerns Johnnie’s training to become a cap trooper in the MI (Mobile Infantry), which is intense and full of opportunities to quit and also we get to hear Heinlein talk about how public flogging (with an actual whip) serves a super important social function in this society.

There's a Big Fucking To-Do when one of the men in Johnnie's class successfully punches their drill sergeant, which gets him posted up for 10 lashes and dishonorably discharged.

The thing about that, however, is how it gives Starship Troopers the opportunity to have Johnnie overhear a conversation about it where Sergeant Zim is trying to get transferred back to a combat team because he is so ashamed of this as a personal failure:

Johnnie himself fucks up bad enough during training that he is also flogged, but he 100% believes that it was Totally Good And Justified And Fine so it's Fine.

The back half of the book has some of Johnnie in the MI, but most of all it’s about when he decides to go career and goes to officer candidate school and then the big mission that determines whether he gets to be a lieutenant or not.

Style-wise the book is an easy and approachable read, but you quickly figure out that many scenes boil down to an older, more experienced man (usually a flashback to his one high school teacher, later usually one of his officer school instructors) lecturing Johnnie about how the world works, why it does, and why that’s so very good. (All of these characters have pretty much the same voice.)

Here are what I understand to be the central ideas that hold up the roof in this book:

1. A human being is, by nature, a selfish short-sighted creature uninterested in anything but own survival, and strict discipline is necessary to train somebody into being a productive member of society. (It’s pretty much the same thing as the Christian “people are by nature sinful” thing but Heinlein managed to turn it around into a “scientific” evolutionary biotruth mess for himself instead.)

2. Corporal punishment is useful because pain is the most evolutionarily natural way for a human to understand that what they’ve done is a threat to their own survival, so switching children and flogging adults is a Good Idea Actually.

(Bob....)

3. In this fictional world, the government is good because the only people who vote are veterans. This isn’t because veterans are smarter or superior or impossile to corrupt, but because sweating out a term of Federal Service proves that someone is capable of putting the good of their civilization over their own safety/wellbeing and that proves they have the right, mature, moral character to help make decisions. Heinlein really, really, really wanted to tell the audience here that being willing to fight for your country (and the women and children!) was the noblest thing a human being could possibly do and he spent a lot of ink about that here.

(Bob Please)

4. Emphasizing that people have “rights” and not making them work for them coddles them and makes having rights meaningless, and also what about all those ne’erdowells that will use their rights to make bad selfish choices???? Clearly this system would be so much better.

5. All the people in the service are So Good And Noble because Heinlein’s magical space military is so super good at weeding out almost all the bad eggs during the selection process, and if anyone Truly Bad is in there it’s an unpreventable freak accident (that should properly be resolved via execution, and they’re willing to do that so It’s Fine.)

6. An officer is to be the best of the best of the best as a human being and all of the officers we see are EXTRA noble and good because they love their people SO much and it’s so hard to be an officer but they’re all SO BRAVE and SO SELFLESS and and and and-

7. Imperialism and unlimited expansion are Fine Actually because if you don’t expand, you’re going to be expanded upon yourself by somebody else so you might as well, and all wars are Actually just about population and need for territory anyway:

(Bob please I'm DYING)

8. The alien bugs are a pretty stupid analogue for communists because Heinlein was fuck deep in the red scare at the time. Mostly, they’re an implacable brick wall enemy that we get to feel zero remorse about because they are So Incomprehensible And Alien. Also, the whole rest of Heinlein’s super noble space military doesn’t look quite so good when they don’t have anything to fight/if we might feel bad for whoever they’re fighting.

9. The best and happiest place for Johnnie in the whole universe is aboard his specific ship (The Rodger Young) with his specific unit (The Roughnecks) and every passage about his time with his unit between drops is dripping with yearning for this imagined perfect manly cameraderie. The death of his unit's Lieutenant hurts him worse than the death of his actual mother when the Bugs attack Buenos Aires.

But oh, Johnnie is definitely not gay, he waxes poetic about how beautiful and important and good women are at every mention, here he is talking about R&R on a safe planet and being Extremely Normal about the one guard posting on a ship where you watch the door to the part the female crew uses:

The main thing to know about Heinlein’s vision here in this book is that it is, of course, obviously completely bonkers. He clearly thinks he has figured people out and knows how human beings work. It's very earnest hard-sf white man nerd shit where he thinks that the problems of very large numbers of human beings are a puzzle you can solve if you put all the right pieces in the right place just so. He’s so excited about how he has invented this imagined future where women don’t face sexism and can do all kinds of jobs (while he clearly has plenty of sexist ideas about women on display) and people are not judged by their race. (Many characters, including Johnnie himself, are not white and there’s even a conversation where Johnnie and another character talk about how they both speak different languages with their families, and Heinlein is clearly convinced he’s writing a race-blind meritocracy, but also Heinlein does shit like compliment a Native American character by comparing him to his “scalp-hunting” ancestors like ???????)

Heinlein is so very wrong. He has a pretty poor theory of mind, which is easily evident because his characters are very samey and wooden. (I’m told this is pretty par of the course for him, and this matches what I remember of Stranger in a Strange Land. ) This extends to his inability to figure out why people do what they do, and his failures in that are how he arrived at these fucking buckwild conclusions. Is it any wonder his ideas about how to run a good society are fucked up when he’s operating from premises about humans being inherently selfish and the only possible reason to not just go along with The Rules is ignorance of their purpose?

Starship Troopers is dripping in rationalization. Starship Troopers desperately wants its military to be good and noble and necessary, it thinks that if it pushes around all the numbers of officers and men and arrangements of rules into exactly the right shape it can solve all the problems like equations and everything will snap into place and run perfectly and be totally moral and perfectly justified.

This is why this book was controversial, and why it launched decades of discourse in science fiction. The thing about milsf is that even if you hate Starship Troopers and want to read other milsf that hates Starship Troopers, it’s still in dialogue with Starship Troopers and the legacy of Heinlein.

I didn’t like this book for its content, I found it really interesting to engage with because of the connections I know it has.

BUT WE TALK ABOUT HALO ON THIS BLOG...

That's why we're here, so let me give you all a tour of various items of interest and relevance to our subject of hyperfixation here on bloodgulchblog dot tumblr dot hell.

Heinlein invented ODSTS:

The idea that has endured the most from Starship Troopers, more than any other (which is thankful considering what I've been talking about all through this post), is powered armor. Heinlein pretty much invented the space marine as a science fiction trope, and especially the powered armor:

When someone talks about a "bug hunt" when it comes to fighting aliens in a scifi story, that terminology was born here.

As you may have noticed here and in the section about Bugs: Heinlein's Terran Federation has the power to bombard planets with nuclear weapons to reduce the surface to radioactive glass, golly where have we seen that?

(See also in the bug section: a planet-cracking weapon called a nova bomb!)

Plus I would feel remiss if I didn't show you some of the naming scheme for some ships in this world:

...I'm not sure how to end this one.

I have a movie to watch, so I can finally comment on it. (The movie is controversial. Fans of Starship Troopers who agreed with Heinlein hate it, people who recognize how bonkers Heinlein's ideas are appreciate that the movie seems to understand this just as well. I need to go see it for myself. It's on archive.org if you spend 2 seconds hunting, if you also want to.)

I also have an anime to watch.

DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS AN ANIME?

youtube

This thing got a six-episode OVA released in 1988, right after Heinlein died and nine years before the live action movie. (It's supposed to be a lot more faithful to the novel, so I Will Report Back On This.)

Anyway: idk, if you also want to poke around in a weird dead thing, the full text of Starship Troopers is incredibly easy to find. It's less than two-hundred pages long. It will make you feel like you're taking crazy pills.

#not halo #starship troopers #heinlein posting #summaries of things

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

Text

By: Isabel Wolff

Published: Nov 28, 1992

Isabel Wolff talks to men who have been beaten, battered and bruised by their wives.

`ONE NIGHT I was sitting up in bed when my wife suddenly wheeled round and pulled her fingernails, hard, right down my face. She tore my skin to ribbons. Luckily she just missed my right eye, but my face was an absolute bloody mess. My mother was so horrified when she saw me three days later that I pretended I'd walked into the Christmas tree.'

That was just one of many ferocious assaults on Douglas, a 38-year-old copy-writer, by the wife who tormented and attacked him for most of the three years that they were married. Verbal and mental abuse of the 'God-I-wish-you-were-dead' variety turned into full-scale, full-frontal physical attacks after the birth of their baby son, Tom. 'She went for me once when I was changing Tom's nappy,' he told me in his small office in Kensington. 'She put the most enormous, black bruises on my arm, and she was shouting at me and screaming hysterically. All of her attacks were like that — vehement, violent and sudden. It was terrifying; you never knew when she was going to strike or how, and afterwards there was never ever any remorse.'

`Why do you think your wife attacked you?' I enquired.

`At first I put it down to drink,' he replied; 'then I thought it must be post-natal depression; but now I think — in fact I know — that she's got a personality disorder. She could be perfectly charming and quite normal a lot of the time; but when she didn't get exactly what she wanted she'd attack me physically. It was like living in a prison.'

Over the past 20 years, volumes have been written about wife-battering, but almost nothing has been published about domestic violence done to men. What little data there is shows that men can be beaten, bitten, scratched, slashed, punched and even stabbed by their wives or female partners. They are attacked with carving knives, hit with hammers and scalded with cups of boiling coffee. In one well publicised case last year, a woman, Mrs Doreeth Currithers, ripped off one of her husband's testicles. Surgeons failed to save it and the judge ordered the woman to pay £480 in costs. A judge ordered Mrs Currithers to pay court costs of £480, but did not make a compensation order. On the whole, it is true, men do more damage to women than women do to men — a glance at the murder statistics provides proof of that. Of the 700 or so murders committed in England and Wales every year, 18 per cent of the victims are women killed by their husbands, while only 2 per cent are men who have been murdered by their wives. And when it comes to non-fatal domestic violence, received wisdom and political correctness dictate that the man is always, ipso facto, the abuser. The very phrase 'domestic violence' is tacitly assumed to refer to the abuse of women by men. This is something that men are now beginning to challenge, and some are showing that domestic violence cuts, so to speak, both ways. In order to do that, men have to stand up and admit that they have been victims of female violence themselves.

`A lot of men just can't admit that they're being battered,' says Douglas, who is six foot tall and weighs 13 stone. 'It's the old rolling-pin syndrome, I suppose — they think it's wet and weedy. My ex-wife is very slim and feminine, and I found it very hard to own up to anyone that she could physically terrorise me in this way. I also didn't think that anyone would believe me.'

`A lot of men who pluck up the courage to take their injuries to the doctor have it thrown back at them that they must have attacked their wife first,' says Dr Malcolm George, a neuro-physiologist at London University. Dr George is conducting a research project in which he is collecting data from the testimony of 38 battered men. `We're told that women only lash out in self-defence,' he says, 'but I have several examples of men in the survey who were hit, who had done nothing to provoke such action. They were attacked when they were watching television; they were attacked when they were in the bath; they were attacked when they were asleep in bed. Quite a few of them would lock themselves in a room at night so that they could sleep; one man's wife smashed down the door to get at him.'

According to Dr George, the majority of men who are abused are not seven-stone weaklings with Amazonian partners. The seaside-postcard image of the little, hen-pecked man with the gigantic wife doesn't relate to the facts. 'The men taking part in the survey tend to be well-built, but not aggressive,' he says. 'They're the sort who don't want to hit a man, let alone a woman. So when the violence starts they know they are just going to have to stand there and take it, and that tension produces its own kind of terror.'

Dr George doesn't deny that men do unspeakable, violent things to women and that, in general, they do far more damage, in terms of the injuries they inflict. If a man hits a woman's face hard with his open hand, he will probably smash her jaw. But, he says, women tend to compensate for their lack of physical strength by using weapons and kitchen implements knives, forks, hammers, ash-trays, wine bottles —anything that comes easily to hand. 'With weapons like these you can get some pretty terrible injuries,' he says. `Many of the men in my survey had had broken noses, cracked ribs and crushed fingers. Some had stab wounds.' On the whole, he says, these men made light to him of their physical injuries, but stressed how traumatised they had been by the mixture of fear and humiliation.

Most of the research data about female violence to men has been compiled in the United States by Professor Murray Strauss of New Hampshire University. His studies, carried out between 1975 and 1991, reveal that, although women are seven times more likely than men to sustain injuries in domestic violence, men and women initiate the violence equally. To George Gilliland of the Domestic Rights Coalition in St Pauls, Minnesota, this comes as no surprise. 'There are guys I know here who have been slashed with scissors; there's a police chief whose wife cut his face right open with a hem-ripper, and one woman who killed her husband with a baseball bat because, she said, he "insulted" her!' In Minnesota alone, Gilliland points out, an average of ten men a year are killed by their female partner. 'There are thousands of men out there who are slapped around, kicked and punched by abusive, violent women,' he says. 'But far from protecting them, society just laughs about it. You see guys getting whacked across the face in films, in cartoons — it's acceptable. You see a woman slap a guy in a restaurant you think he must be an s.o.b. who'd got it coming. If a man slaps a woman, everyone's on the phone to the cops getting him arrested and thrown in jail.'

George Gilliland speaks with feeling and with authority, since he has himself been a victim not just of one, but of two violent women. His first wife, he alleges, was violent because of menopausal problems, while the second one was semi-alcoholic. In his time, he's been punched, kicked, belaboured about the head with bits of wood and burnt with boiling coffee. He is about to open the world's first refuge for battered men but, he says, newspaper editors seem reluctant to give it much coverage, such is the power of the feminist lobby in America.

`Battered women's advocates do not want it known that there are thousands and thousands of men out there who are abused,' he said, his voice rising with emotion. 'They're afraid that some of the state tax dollars that pay for battered women's refuges might go to men's shelters instead. They only care about their own self-serving interests and that is battered women only.'

Sandra Horley, director of the world's first shelter for women, the Chiswick Family Refuge, admits that it would worry her if man-abuse became a pressing social issue. `There are resource implications,' she says candidly. 'Refuges for battered women are struggling to survive, and if we put across this idea that the abuse of men is as great as the abuse of women, then it could seriously affect our funding.'

Sandra Horley believes that stories about husband-abuse are just part of a backlash against the advances of feminism, a cynical attempt to redress the balance by portraying men as victims too. 'For some reason, people seem to think that if they can show that men are also abused then violence against women is not a problem they have to think about, and they should think about it. I'm not saying all women are angels, but it's clear that the home is a much less safe place for the woman.'

`At least women have protection under the law from violent men,' says Douglas ruefully. 'But battered men have nothing, not even the recognition that we exist.' In fact, battered men have less than nothing, because of the institutionalised legal discrimination that operates against them. If a man is attacked by his wife and decides to call the police, he is the one who is likely to be arrested. The police loathe being called out on `domestics'; they find them difficult and embarrassing, and their over-whelming priority is simply to keep the peace. They are reluctant to arrest the woman in these situations, especially if there are children, so the chances are it is the man who will find himself spending a night in jail.

`It is not widely accepted that men are battered,' says family solicitor Anthony Lawson, who has acted for several abused men. 'So the law takes a completely pragmatic approach and tries to protect the stability of the household, regardless of who is to blame.'

There's a double penalty for men, according to Bruce Liddington, director of Families Need Fathers, an organisation that helps men negotiate access to their children during a family breakdown. 'Even if he is clearly, demonstrably, the victim, a man is treated exactly the same as if he were the aggressor,' he says. 'He is ousted from the family home; he is ruined financially; he is cut off from daily contact with his children, and subsequent contact with the children is dependent upon his wife, who may be unbalanced. No wonder so many men keep quiet, because they're terrified of losing everything. Did you know that quite a lot of homeless men are men who have been assaulted by their wives?'

Battered men also point to the fact that divorce cases are not heard in open court and therefore, they say, women can make counter-allegations of physical or psychological abuse which are not properly tested by cross-examination. The House of Commons Home Affairs Committee, chaired by the Conservative MP Sir Ivan Lawrence QC, is currently conducting an inquiry into domestic violence, and written evidence from several battered men is being taken. But many of the men I spoke to were not optimistic that any recommendations would be made that would assist them.

'I hope that it will at least bring the recognition that domestic violence against men does exist,' says Douglas. 'Men do get hurt, they bruise like women, and they should have the right to be protected too.

[ Via: https://archive.vn/RHaNj ]

https://home.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/htdocs/assaults_bib343_201307.doc

Abstract: This bibliography examines 343 scholarly investigations; 270 empirical studies and 73 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 440,850.

Thirty years later, what progress has been made?

P.S. Sandra Horley sounds like a fucking sociopath.

#Isabel Wolff #domestic violence #intimate partner violence #violent women #abused men #social issues #saying the quiet part out loud #Malcolm George #Sandra Horley #religion is a mental illness

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