#ill be posting the full size photos too at some point

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price during a production of Angel Street (1941-42)

#vincent price #angel street #production #play #theater #those eyes #so blue even in black and white #god hes so fucking hot #ill be posting the full size photos too at some point #i just had to post the head shots #fuck FUCK FUCK #bicon #bisexual god #horror #old horror movies #vintage #movie #actor #handsome #photo #photos #photo edits by me

[asset35-maya]

I am sleepy but I gotta make a request before the busy tomorrow so 2 things on my mind! Sleepy and the 'oh my god they were roomates' vine xD with any characters and aus I love everything you write anyways xD Happy timezones and best vibes your way >^<!! 💖💞💕💕

Oh my god, they were roommates…

//

“The rental market in Detroit is absolute shit! How dare these bloodsuckers charge such high rates for the most under-developed properties! This city’s going to the dogs!”

“Uh-huh.”

“You have to pay your own weight in gold just to live in a shoebox for a year. Nonsense!”

“Uh…”

“Are you even listening to me, Tina!

Tina?

Goddamnit Tina!”

Gavin thumped his fist on her desk, but Tina’s eyes barely flicked up from her phone.

“Oh my god, you sound like my grandpa…”

Gavin turned red and his brain buzzed with a thousand colourful retorts. He was just about to pick one when Tina stopped scrolling and turned her phone screen towards him.

CYBERSCALIA @ NEW JERICHO

The suburban paradise for executive androids and humans alike. Located 25 minutes drive from downtown Detroit, with a full amenities.

Gavin’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. He balked at her.

“You’re joking? How could I possibly…?”

“Get with the times, boomer…”

Tina lazily skimmed her thumb over the screen. The webpage promised plenty of greenery, good infrastructure and modest but spacious rooms. The extremely reasonable price tag was Gavin’s dream come true. He’d spent weeks apartment hunting in the wake of an early lease termination by his cantankerous landlord. Gavin knew he’d never find a better deal.

“Shit, this is so good, T! Why the phck does it have to be in that- that place!”

His friend arched a sceptical eyebrow.

“What place?”

“The Tincan ghetto!”

Tina smacked him on the arm. None too gently.

“It’s subsided public housing located in an android-friendly estate… because they’re the ones that need it most right now. And frankly, you seem to be in just as much need, so you should really get off that high horse.”

“Fine, fine. You’re right. I should seriously consider this place, even if my neighbours are gonna have more in common with my car than me. But damn, it seems a little too good to be true. There’s probably some fine print, hidden costs that’ll come out later.”

“Hmm… let’s see…”

Tina scrolled further and then let out a half-laugh. She held her phone up again.

“Nothing shady about the rates, but there is something you should know…”

At the risk of being called old again, Gavin squinted at the screen and read aloud.

“Bearing in mind the founding principles of New Jericho, all human occupants may only apply for tenancy in co-habitation with at least one android citizen of the United States of- JESUS PHCKING CHRIST! Absolutely not! I am not going to live with a plastic prick!”

//

Gavin had to get through half a bottle of wine before he could bear to scroll through the rental listings. Unlike other humans who had happily moved into New Jericho with their android friends or partners, he had to find an android who was also looking for a flatmate.

Some listings came from ardent supporters of Markus. These were the androids who wanted to ease the post-revolution transition by reaching out to humans. Some listings were put up by the android equivalent of frat boys. These individuals were clearly looking for someone on the fringes of human society, someone who could show them a good (if not illegal) time.

Other posts came from eccentric androids who craved company but had likely been rejected by their own kind. Gavin felt a strange twisting sensation, almost like pity, when he came across a post written entirely in third person by someone called Ralph.

He had almost given up hope when he came across a simple little listing for a two bedroom apartment in Cyberscalia.

RK900 #313 248 317 - 87: Seeking a neat, self-sufficient co-renter. Human or android, no preference. I spend most of my time working and will be out of your way for the better part of the day. I only ask for silence during my nighttime stasis cycles, timely payment of dues and upkeep of cleanliness.

Gavin sighed in relief.

//

“Your room is the first door on the left, mine is the second. The bathroom, laundry and kitchenette are shared, as is the living room. I scarcely find use for the latter, so you need not worry about my intruding on any of your social gatherings, or vice versa. As long as you adhere to the terms of the agreement, our paths will not cross much.”

The tall, stiff-necked android dropped a set of keys, both mechanical and digital, into Gavin’s open palm.

“Er thanks.. RK… sorry I forgot your full model number…”

“You may call me Nines. Although, I’d rather you didn’t call me much of anything. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

In a swish of black fabric, the android turned on his heel and disappeared into his room. Two rapid clicks indicated the shutting and locking of his door.

Gavin sighed and looked around the open-plan living room. It was nothing fancy, but it was far beyond any of the other properties he’d viewed in weeks of unsuccessful house-hunting.

He sat down on the simple black couch with a huff and contemplated his situation. He’d ended up where he’d truly never expected to go, but objectively speaking, things were good… barring the high-handed manner of his robot flatmate, but who gave a shit about that.

He pulled out his phone to text Tina his thanks.

//

“I can’t! I refuse to! It is a violation of my personal ethics and I will simply not take this assignment any further. Good day to you sir!”

Gavin nearly dropped his bowl of cereal one morning when his roommate burst out of his door and rushed into the open balcony.

He hadn’t seen Nines in days, which was perfectly normal. The android came and went at odd hours and made hardly any noise. It was almost like living alone. The only reminder of Nines’ presence was the sight of several dark shirts and trousers regularly hung out to dry on the rack above the washing machine.

Gavin set his bowl down and watched the android tightly grip the bars of the railing and take several unnecessary breaths to calm down. He’d seen deviant colleagues express emotion many times before, but this was the first time he witnessed such a potent mixture of rage and sorrow from a synthetic being.

Out of empathy, but mostly curiosity, Gavin approached cautiously.

“Hey Nines… is everything alright…?”

There was no response for several moments. Then Nines turned around with a grimace and hands held upwards in a placating gesture.

“I apologise for the disturbance. It was hypocritical of me to disrupt the very peace and quiet I demand of you.”

“Uh… no worries…? Are you okay?”

There was a flash of steel blue eyes.

Gavin kicked himself mentally as he realised too late that he’d broached uncharted territory. Their interactions didn’t extend beyond curt nods on the rare occasion they found each other in the same space. It was almost as if Nines engineered the lack of contact, which wouldn’t surprise Gavin at all if it were the case.

“I’m fine. I merely experienced some frustration with my work.”

Perhaps it was boredom, perhaps it was his usual lack of self-preservative instinct… Gavin threw caution to the winds.

“What do you actually do?”

Nines’ expression remained stoic but his LED went through a spectacular series of colours and flashes. His next words were reluctant.

“I’m a private investigator.”

“Oh shit! I’m actually a cop.”

Gavin pointed dumbly at himself and then let his hand drop when he saw absolutely no surprise cross the android’s face.

“I know. That’s why I let you stay with me.”

“For safety?”

“Certainly not for your fashion sense.”

“Wow okay, I didn’t think I’d be much protection for a big scary droid like you.”

Nines hummed dismissively and started to move out of the balcony, body language fully indicating the end of the conversation.

Unable to help himself for some strange reason, Gavin blurted out another ill-advised question.

“What pissed you off so much?”

Nines paused halfway through side-stepping the human. A thrill went through Gavin at the shards of ice he observed for the first time up close in Nines’ irises.

“If I tell you, will you promise to stop asking pointless questions?”

Gavin nodded earnestly, and frankly… rather foolishly.

“I helped a client gather evidence to initiate divorce proceedings on the grounds of infidelity. I provided ample photo and video evidence for his lawyers to work with. Now they want me to keep following the spouse to capture more details that could gear any future settlement in his favour.”

“So what’s your problem?”

“They’re offering me an incredible amount of cash to follow her 24/7. To stake out her workplace, her gym, her parent’s home. They want me to crouch under the window of the bedroom where her children sleep. I can do a lot of things, but not that. It’s deeply insulting that they even asked. That’s why I was so… pissed.”

Nines slipped past and was nearly back to his bedroom when Gavin spoke.

“I respect that.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“I know, but for real though, I think ethics are important in our line of work. Not just because of we need morals or a sense of right or wrong blablabla, but because we need… clarity.”

Silence floated through the hallway as Nines paused with a hand on his doorframe.

“Clarity?”

“Yeah, like a sense of direction. We don’t just take cases right-left-centre because they make us money. I mean, we could, and people do… but they never become specialists or experts of any kind. You gotta strategise if you want a career. Ethics helps with that. I think…”

Gavin wasn’t sure what made him say any of that. He was neither one for small talk, nor a man of many words… but something about Nines prompted that unusual level of introspective discourse.

“Sorry that was weird. Never mind.”

“That was actually… very astute.”

Their eyes met and Gavin could’ve sworn he saw the hint of a smile.

“It’s good to see that not all humans are as one-dimensional as I thought.”

The door clicked shut, but there was no locking sound.

//

Since the morning of Nines’ uncharacteristic outburst, the frequency of their encounters in the common areas of the apartment increased. Wordless nods became hellos, and hellos eventually became full sentences.

Not that he’d admit it, Gavin actually looked forward to enquiring about the android’s day and the cases he was working on. It was utterly fascinating to hear about legal investigations without the constraints of police procedure.

For his part, Nines would share as much as he had the patience to, before disappearing into the confines of his room. Though the time he spent outside steadily increased every day.

Another morning, while Gavin was making his coffee, Nines emerged from his room, still in his pyjamas and looking as livid as he had the time before. Gavin had never seen him in anything but crisply ironed businesswear. Before he could voice any concern, Nines stiffly asked Gavin to keep a lookout for a homicide suspect.

He nodded and immediately reached for his phone to text the sergeant on duty at his station. By midday, there was an arrest.

That evening, when Gavin settled in front of the TV with his usual glass of wine, he heard the familiar sound of Nines’ door opening. The couch dipped beside him.

“Thank you.”

“Just did my job. I should thank you for the tip.”

“Hmm.”

Gavin chanced a glance at his roommate, and found him looking right back.

“What?”

“Nothing… I just had the realisation that much of my work is impotent without the authority and means to take any kind of action.”

The sitcom began to play and Gavin thumbed the remote to reduce the volume.

“Takes all kinds to keep the streets clean. PIs can do things cops can’t. We rely on guys like you for intel all the time, you know.”

“I know.”

No words were exchanged for a while thereafter. Gavin found himself unable to focus on the TV show with all the brooding energy emanating from his right.

“If you feel like being a private eye doesn’t make enough of a difference, then why didn’t you… um… you know…”

“Join law enforcement?”

“Yup.”

“Plenty of my fellow androids have done so. I know for a fact that my predecessor model chose to remain there. You might know him.”

“Connor? Yes. Very annoying.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Totally. But why didn’t you join too? You’d be brilliant on the Force.”

“My skillset is certainly well-suited, but I didn’t want to become another puppet of the state.”

Gavin really didn’t know what to say to that. He nodded uncertainly and looked back at the television. He wasn’t sure why Nines was suddenly this social.

“What are you… watching?”

Androids could scan and detect just about anything in the world, so there had to be something else to the question. Gavin, strangely, was happy to oblige.

//

Nines made an appearance every evening, without fail. He would sit through the TV shows if they were of interest, or he would bring his case material and notes to the coffee table to work in silence beside Gavin.

Sometimes Gavin liked to work on jigsaw puzzles on the dining table. Nines would sit beside him, pretending to read a paperback novel, but actually scanning the puzzle and passing the right pieces over from time to time.

Against all odds, an evening ritual and a tentative friendship developed. It was simple, but it was warm. Comfortable. Like nothing Gavin had ever had before, even with humans.

//

He awoke one morning with a slight crick in his neck but the feeling of being very well-rested.

His eyes flickered open and fell upon the window. Familiar greenery came into view… but wait… had everything slightly shifted to the left? And was that the New Jericho Capitol building? He couldn’t see that from his room! There was a tree in the way! A tree that was now a few feet away from where it used to be.

Gavin sat up in alarm as he realised that he was not in his own bed. His heart flew into his throat as Nines walked through the open doorway. Shirtless and carrying a mug of blue liquid.

“Oh good, you’re up.”

“Wha-what happened!?”

Nines frowned and sat down on the edge of the bed. He set the mug on the floor and pulled on a plain black t-shirt.

“You passed out on the couch last night. I think you finished a whole bottle waiting up for me? Sorry, I was out working later than expected.”

Gavin looked down and sighed in relief as he found all his clothes still on him.

“I didn’t want you to injure yourself sleeping at an odd angle so I brought you here. Your door was locked.”

“You could’ve easily opened it.”

“Yes, but that would’ve been an invasion of privacy. I reserve that for working hours alone.”

Gavin looked deep into the sparkling blue eyes and as usual found no trace of humour.

“Thanks…”

“Don’t mention it. Now get out. You’re ruining my silk sheets.”

//

Against his best efforts, Gavin could not keep the thought of being carried to bed and tucked in safely out of his mind. How many years had it been? Since something like that had been even remotely possible for him?

He knew that Nines was just being kind in his own pragmatic little way… but Gavin found that he wouldn’t mind the prospect of waking up in the android’s bed in a wildly different context.

He realised he had it bad when Tina caught him smiling to himself at work one day.

“Why so happy?”

“Oh… nothing. Just remembered something my roommate did… He’s a… funny guy.”

“Huh. Well, look at you getting along so well with androids.”

“Android. Singular. Just him.”

“Wowwww… he sounds special.”

//

“Who did this?”

“Gavin, the damage is merely superficial-”

“Who phcking did this??!”

He reached forward and gingerly touched Nines’ split cheek. His synth skin was smeared with blue blood and glitching in and out. Nines winced at the contact.

“Shit, sorry. That must hurt like a bitch.”

“Androids do not feel pain.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m merely experiencing a surge in sensory input wherever my chassis is exposed. I’m fine.”

“Shut up and give me your first aid kit or whatever toolbox equivalent you tincans have.”

A shade of embarrassment appeared over the android’s features.

“I… actually don’t have one. I didn’t think I’d ever need it.”

“Didn’t think anyone could kick your ass, huh?”

“No… I didn’t think anyone would ever spot my hiding place.”

“Huh. How’d that happen?”

Nines’ eyes dipped, but as always, he answered the question.

“I was… distracted.”

Something in the air solidified and both of them felt it. Gavin cleared his throat and slapped his knees like an old man about to stand up.

“Right. Let me go check if the neighbours have anything that might help with your face.”

//

“So who’s this dapper young gent you’ve brought to the party, Gavin?”

“Er… he’s my uh… roommate.”

Captain Fowler nodded and winked.

“That’s what they called it in my day too.”

Nines shifted beside Gavin and cleared his throat.

“He’s a PI. But I think he’s wasting his talent taking pictures of cheating spouses. He’s quite interested in police work. Maybe we could get him to assist on a couple cases now and then?”

Fowler put down his drink and extended a warm hand to Nines.

//

“Oh thank RA9!”

Nines came running to the cluster of police cars and enveloped him in a giant hug. Gavin laughed as he patted him weakly on the back.

“Watch the ribs, big guy.”

“I was so worried.”

“Why? Your info was good. No chance of error.”

“I meant about you.”

Gavin pulled back and regarded Nines with confusion. The flashing red and blue lights of the cars made it hard to read his LED.

“Why?”

“I can’t believe you have to ask.”

The android pulled him into a bruising kiss. The officers standing nearby broke into wolf-whistles and applause.

“What the-”

“Oh I take full credit for that, sir.”

Fowler glanced at Tina.

“The case, Chen?”

“Oh of course. I solved the whole thing. But I mean that specifically.”

She waved a hand in Gavin and Nines’ direction. The two held each other tightly and seemed unlikely to come up for air anytime soon.

“Like I helped Gav find an affordable place in New Jericho and then he met this handsome investigator droid and they were roommates.”

“Oh my god, they were roommates…”

“Yeah legit.”

//

\\\

Thanks so much for the request @jude-shotto

This ended up being a lot longer than expected, but I couldn’t help it. Your prompt just took me on a whole journeyyyy <3

#maya bday ask event #reed900 #rk900 #gavin reed #dbh gavin #dbh nines #gavin900 #gavin x nines #gavin x rk900 #dbh fanfic #dbh rk900 #dbh #dbh writing #my writing

[quicksilversquared]

Traps and Sneaks: Chapter 2 (of 2)

As the Guardian, it’s Marinette’s job to protect the Miracle Box and all of the Miraculous inside of it from evil. Obviously just sticking it away somewhere hidden isn’t going to cut it, so Marinette makes a box to hide it in. A booby-trapped box. A very dangerous booby-trapped box.

And if a certain someone gets their thieving little fingers caught in it, so be it.

links in the reblog

Lila sniggered to herself as she snuck up the stairs in the Dupain-Cheng bakery, unnoticed and unhindered.

Really, it had been way too easy to get in. All it had taken was feeding Alya a lie about how she had lent Marinette something to help her finish with their most recent Literature project but hadn't gotten it back, and she was worried about approaching Marinette to ask for it because, well, Marinette had been so busy recently that she probably thought that she had returned it. Lila was worried about appearing like she was accusing Marinette of stealing it if she asked about it, and they were only just starting to fix their relationship after getting off on the wrong foot. Alya had swallowed the lie like it was the most believable thing in the world, clearly thrilled that Lila and Marinette might be on the road to reconciliation, and from there all Lila had needed to do was suggest that maybe it would be easier for her to just fetch her things herself than it would be to ask Marinette.

Alya had been too eager to help, going into the bakery herself and getting permission from Mrs. Cheng to go in. Then she had let Lila in the side door- "I can't possibly go through the bakery myself, what if they recognize me and blame me for the time when Marinette got expelled and don't let me in!" Lila had exclaimed when Alya suggested that she just go in through the front herself- and made sure that she knew the way up before leaving. There had been a dicey moment when Alya moved to come up with Lila and help look, but Lila had waved her off with another excuse, insisting that she didn't want to eat up more of Alya's free time, especially when she knew that Alya and Nino had been thinking of going out for ice cream.

Alya had left, Marinette's parents would be busy in the bakery for hours, and Marinette herself was across the city at some sewing techniques workshop that she had won a full-ride scholarship for and hadn't shut up about all week. There would be no one to catch Lila and plenty of time for her to investigate Marinette's room and find- well, anything she could use against her.

A diary with embarrassing secrets, perfect for blackmail. Money, perfect for- well, money was always a good thing, and so was jewelry that she could pawn. Photos, also for blackmail. Sketches of designs for any other contests Marinette might have her eyes on, to copy and claim that Marinette had taken Lila's ideas. Maybe in-progress commissions that Lila could mess up, all the better to put a dent in Marinette's reputation if the damage wasn't found before she sent the pieces off to whoever had bought them.

One last flight of stairs, and Lila pushed open the door to the Dupain-Cheng apartment. Another set of stairs led up to a trapdoor that Lila could recognize as Marinette's (thanks to Alya's instructions), and she scampered up the steps and into the obnoxiously pink room at the top of the stairs.

The first thing she noticed: it was neat, unlike what Alya had warned her. There wasn't fabric draped all over the place or notebooks left out. On one hand, that would make things more difficult because she would have to search to find anything interesting, and unless Lila wanted to raise suspicion right away, she would have to put away anything she took out. On the other hand, well, it would probably be easier to find some things if she didn't have to dig through piles of fabric scraps or whatever it was that Marinette apparently usually had scattered around her room.

"Okay, first impressions," Lila said out loud as she glanced around. Marinette's school bag was by her desk- maybe she could tear out a couple pages of notes, so Marinette wouldn't have them to study from on the next exam. Next to the desk was a mannequin with what looked like a fairly complete outfit on it, leather pants with a lot of detail work and a matching jacket. Lila fingered the material, glancing at the seams on it. Since the piece was complete- or at least it looked complete- Marinette probably wouldn't look at it too closely before sending it off to its recipient. The recipient who, if the size of the pieces and the look of them was any indication, was probably Jagged Stone.

If she could mess with Jagged Stone's perception of Marinette and maybe mess up their working relationship, that would be perfect. Then he wouldn't feel inclined to do Marinette any favors like, say, coming in to call Lila out on her stories.

Lila decided that she would look for a seam ripper later, when she was poking around the desk. There was no point in stopping her assessment of Marinette's room now for that. After all, she had plenty of time.

The desk was otherwise pretty clear of anything interesting, though Lila was sure that she would dig through it later if she had time. The boxes on it probably just had sewing stuff anyway, and that- well, mixing it up or taking things might annoy Marinette, but she probably wouldn't think that much of it.

Across the room, though- well, there was a storage chest doubling as a bench, and Lila would be very surprised if there wasn't anything interesting in there. There might be a lock to deal with, but she had expected that and brought along her lock picking kit along. A few pokes and she would be in, ready to find out any secrets that Marinette might prefer stay hidden.

"Why couldn't she leave her diary on her desk like a normal person," Lila grumbled anyway, because it was also very possible that she would unlock the chest and find...nothing. Maybe Marinette didn't have any juicy secrets for Lila to exploit, and this whole trip would be- well, not for nothing, because she was still fully intending on causing ill-intentioned chaos, but not nearly as productive as she had hoped.

And considering that Lila was running quite a large risk with her lies to Alya about the thing she had 'loaned' to Marinette, a large payoff would be really preferred.

After a few more minutes of poking around- Marinette didn't keep a diary up near her bed, either, or any jewelry of any value, not that that stopped Lila from pocketing a few exotic-looking necklaces that she could always claim were gifts from people that she met around the globe- Lila turned her attention back to the large storage chest. The lock gave after a minute of working on it, and she flipped the lid eagerly, hoping that- well, hoping that there would be something interesting inside. Instead, she came face-to-face with...presents.

Boring. Knowing Marinette, they were probably all homemade and not worth anything.

Lila scoffed, wrinkling her nose at the pile of gifts. There was nothing interesting about Marinette being so disgustingly organized that she had gifts for her friends prepared well ahead of the holidays and their birthdays. She shoved a couple of the presents to the side, her nose wrinkling further at the next row of equally neatly-wrapped presents underneath.

Except... they were all labeled as being for Adrien.

Lila's eyebrows raised as she glanced at the top row of presents and- yep, all for Adrien. On closer inspection, all of them had little post-its on them with what event- and what year- they were meant to be for.

She sniggered. Marinette was a little obsessed, wasn't she? But as interesting as this was, it wasn't exactly something that she could easily use as blackmail. A bit disappointed, Lila kept digging, shifting packages aside. One more layer, and her fingers brushed against a dark wooden box, one that looked like perhaps Marinette had put it together herself.

It was exactly the sort of thing that a girl like Marinette- someone annoyingly craftsy- would store her diary in. Jackpot.

Smirking, Lila pulled the box out and considered it, her smile dropping as she did. Really, upon second glance, it was surprisingly sloppy, with uneven, dripping varnish and wonky nails. It was ridiculously heavy, even for its size, and especially considering that it was clearly made out of some cheap plywood. And oddly enough, it had two locks on it.

Frankly, the locks were the only reason why she didn't immediately lose interest. If they hadn't been there, Lila probably would have assumed that it was actually a failed project that Marinette was trying to hide.

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out which lock to try," Lila scoffed, setting the box on the floor in front of her and settling down more comfortably to work on it. "That second keyhole isn't even in the right spot!"

Really, had badly had Marinette messed up that she had managed to insert a keyhole in middle of one of the side panels, nowhere close to where the box and the lid had come together? It wasn't even straight- in fact, it was upside down. Shoddy craftsmanship, all around.

(The fact that Lila had never made anything like the box and had no idea how to even approach putting a lock like that on a box or even make any sort of box herself was, of course, completely irrelevant.)

Unlike the lock on the storage bench, the lock on the box wasn't very straightforward. There were more pins in this lock, and each one had to be individually maneuvered into place. Lila worked on it, scowling in concentration as she slowly picked it open.

Either Marinette had just happened to have a lock sitting around that she used, or there was something good inside of the box. No collège student was going to spend the amount of extra money it would take for a fancier lock like this for no reason at all.

With one last careful nudge, the lock gave. Lila grinned in triumph, flipping the box open. The lid seemed a bit heavy- for some reason it seemed to be lined with a strange metal band, but who cared- and there were a few stray papers and a thin journal sitting in the top compartment, on top of a wooden shelf with- you have GOT to be kidding me- another lock, just barely visible. Lila reached in to move them, and suddenly metal flashed, quick as a blink. Lila shrieked in surprise, automatically yanking her hand back, but she was far too late. Pointed metal teeth had snapped shut around her arm, keeping it in place, and- oh god.

They hadn't just closed around her arm. No, they had gone straight through the skin and- oh god the pain-

Lila fainted.

  Marinette had been having a lovely time at her sewing techniques workshop. Their instructor had walked the small class through all sorts of different ways of handling material, and next week they would be covering more tricky materials. They had gotten an entire binder with step-by-step photo reminders of what they had learned, and Marinette's already had notes scribbled up and down the margins.

She was so glad that she had won the scholarship to the class. It wasn't that she couldn't afford it herself- after all, with the commissions that she had done lately for Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale, she wasn't left wanting for money- but considering that she often had to miss things because of akuma attacks, Marinette wouldn't have wanted to spend the money on something that she might not even be able to attend. With the scholarship...

Well, if an akuma showed up, that would still suck. She was learning so much from the class and it would definitely up her design skills. Having to duck out on the class because someone got upset and Hawkmoth had to akumatize them would be a huge disappointment, because she would miss out on so much valuable instruction. But at least she wouldn't be spending her own money on it.

She still felt a bit guilty that she was doing the class and not spending the spare time working on learning more Guardian stuff, but the Order and Master Norbu had assured her that she should make sure to balance her superhero duties and her civilian life. After all, they didn't want her coming to resent her duty as Guardian because of everything that it made her miss out on.

The last section came to an end, and everyone turned off their machines and started packing up. Marinette tucked her sewn samples into her bag with her binder- at some point, she wanted to actually file the fabric pieces in next to their respective instructions, but that was a project for another day- and pulled out her phone, opening it up to check for messages. She had put it on silent for the class- silent with the sole exception of akuma alerts, thank you Max for that setting modification- so that no one would accidentally distract her. Sometimes the class chat blew up over the weekend, and having that pinging constantly throughout the class...

Well, it wouldn't give anyone a very good impression of her, that was for sure.

-and oh boy that was a lot of messages.

"My parents tried to call me ten times, Tikki!" Marinette hissed, all of the relaxation and good feelings from the day gone in a heartbeat as she tried and failed not to catastrophize. "Oh my god, what if one of them had a heart attack or a machine broke and sent pieces everywhere and they're at the hospital and it's really bad and I should have been there and-"

"Call them back!" Tikki urged, sticking her head out of Marinette's jacket as soon as they were clear of the rest of the group. "And- look, it was both of your parents calling, not just one or the other. So that means that they're probably fine, right?"

"Oh!" Marinette considered that for a minute, then dove straight back into her worrying. "Then maybe the bakery caught on fire and burned down and we're homeless and-"

"Just call them back, Marinette!" Tikki exclaimed, though she was looking worried, too. "Then they can tell you what actually happened."

Marinette wavered, then pressed Call. Her mom's phone rang once, twice, and then she picked up.

"Marinette! Ah, is your class over?"

"Yeah, we- we just finished," Marinette responded, her heart rate slowly dropping back towards normal. Her mom didn't sound overly upset, so- maybe it wasn't super-serious? "I- I saw you called? And papa?"

"Yes, I hated to call during your class, but- well, there was an incident," her mom told her, sounding a bit hesitant. "Right away- your dad and I are fine, the bakery is fine, the house is fine. But your classmate- Lila Rossi- she broke into the house and into your room. She got into your storage bench and- anyway, long story short, there was a box in there that was, ah, quite severely booby-trapped?"

Marinette's heart skipped several beats, jumping straight into her throat. The- that was the box where she hid the Miracle Box. It was very well hidden- after all, it had been in a locked storage bench, hidden under Adrien's presents, and then locked (several time over) itself- and she had assumed that that would be enough to keep it undiscovered. If Lila had gotten into it- even just into the first layer- that could be enough to put the Miracle Box in danger. The police might want to know what was in the box, or they might have broken it open to get Lila's hand out- because presumably Lila had gotten her hand caught when she tried to get the box open, and getting the trap open wasn't exactly straightforward- or maybe Lila hadn't been caught too badly and had somehow persuaded someone to open the box for her. "It- yes?"

"Whatever the box is hiding- well, it's still hidden," her mom assured her, and Marinette couldn't stop herself from letting out a sigh of relief. "The second level is still locked. And the doctors did manage to get it off of Lila's arm- well, after a bit of puzzling, at least, they said that set-up was very clever. That was why we called you, actually. We didn't want to bother you, but it was just taking the hospital and the police so long to figure out that lock mechanism and they had been hoping for a clue."

...well, at least her mom didn't sound upset with her. Yet, anyway.

"We've gotten the box back now," her mom continued. "And we've already dealt with the police, so you don't need to worry there. They understand that Lila wasn't meant to be in our house, much less your room, and that the box was securely hidden and locked up. The only reason they might want to talk to you is to learn more about why Lila might have broken in."

"To make me look bad, I bet," Marinette said dryly. "To steal things, or plant evidence, or try to find something to blackmail me. Why else?"

"Lovely girl." Her mom said something to someone else on the other end of the line, muffled and indecipherable, before she came back. "That's all, really. Will you be coming back soon?"

"Yeah, I'm heading for the bus stop."

"All right. See you soon!"

With that, the call disconnected. Marinette stared at her phone for a minute, then glanced down at Tikki. Her kwami looked just as worried.

"I thought that you had hidden the Miracle Box really well!" Tikki exclaimed. "That was a really nice place, and no one ever goes digging in there! Add in the fact that you had it locked, and it should have been fine."

"Yeah, but clearly Lila was digging around with the intention of finding anything that I had hidden," Marinette told her. She let out a sigh, the stress starting to inch back in on her, taking all of the relaxation from her sewing class away. Maybe the Miracle Box hadn't been found today, but- well, this was hardly going to be the end of this whole fiasco. If (when) Lila got akumatized again, she would probably go after the box again to see if she could break it. She might tell people at school about it- changing, of course, the reason why she had been in Marinette's room in the first place and making up completely different circumstances as to how she had ended up with her hands on the box. While Marinette really had no choice but to return the box to its previous spot for the moment- after making sure that it was re-set, of course- it wouldn't be completely safe for the long term.

At least summer break was coming up soon and she had already been doing research on how to DIY hidden compartments. Clearly she would need to use that knowledge earlier than intended.

"Maybe she'll actually get in trouble this time," Tikki offered hopefully. "I mean, breaking and entering, trying to steal- you could try to press charges."

"Maybe, but considering how injured Lila probably is, she'd probably pull the sympathy card." Marinette groaned. "I don't understand how she even got in! We've been keeping the side door locked, and mom knows better than to let Lila into the house."

"If she got through the locks on the bench and the box, Lila probably knows how to pick locks," Tikki reminded her. "She might have just picked her way through the door downstairs."

That was a terrifying thought, honestly. That someone like Lila could just pick her way past a door lock and get in her house...

"If that's what happened, I'm definitely going to petition my parents to get better locks." Marinette checked her room again, then headed back down the stairs. Tikki flew after her, phasing into her purse. "I don't think they would agree to put in booby traps, too, but- ugh, I'm going to be worrying about people getting into the house now."

"Maybe it's just a matter of the lock being old and needing to be replaced," Tikki suggested. "Hopefully your mom knows more."

"I hope so!"

It felt like it took forever for the bus to come, and then it trundled along the streets far too slowly for Marinette's taste. She spent the entire trip worrying over different scenarios where Lila could twist things around to make Marinette look like the bad guy and trying to figure out where she could add a hidden compartment to her room, somewhere where no one would notice the addition.

This far, she was coming up blank. Maybe she could put something on her balcony- but that just didn't seem secure enough. It would be far too easy for a passing akuma (or, perish the thought, a passing supervillain) to accidentally knock into and destroy a hidden compartment. No, it would be better to get creative inside her room.

Once she hopped off of the bus, Marinette wasted no time in hurrying home. The bakery was still open- hopefully business hadn't been interrupted too much by Lila's injury- and she headed in, sparing a quick smile for a few regular customers that she recognized. Her parents had one of their normal bakers working the counter in her mom's place, clearly finishing up the day so that the Dupain-Chengs would be able to deal with the mess going on in their home.

Hopefully it wasn't messing production up too much. If both of her parents were upstairs and they had one of the normal back kitchen bakers at the counter, that meant fewer hands on deck to start preparing things for the next day. And since the staff wouldn't stay overtime, that meant that her parents would end up working long hours.

Freaking Lila. Of course she just had to make life difficult for everyone else simply because she was spiteful and fixated on revenge.

Not wasting any time, Marinette headed upstairs. Her mom was in their kitchen and on the phone, her back to the door, but her dad wasn't anywhere in sight. That meant he was probably downstairs, which suggested that she actually wasn't in trouble because she had the trap. If she had been, her dad would be there too, his arms folded and a frown on his face.

Her mom, though, was more than making up for the frowning as she argued with whoever was on the other end of the line.

"No, I am not arguing the definition of 'breaking and entering' or 'trespassing' with you," Mrs. Cheng snapped into the phone, mere seconds after Marinette entered the room. Marinette paused, blinking over at her mom in confusion. Normally her mom didn't raise her voice over the phone. "You are not a resident here, you do not get to let people in who we don't want inside. That is outright irresponsible behavior- no, I do not care what your interpretation of the situation was, I already told you that. And I will be contacting your mom about this. Perhaps she can get it through your head how unacceptable your actions were. Good-bye."

With that, Mrs. Cheng hit the end call button with a flourish, scowling at the phone for a moment before noticing Marinette. Her scowl was promptly replaced with a smile. "Marinette! How was your class?"

"It went well," Marinette told her, biting back the urge to gush. That could wait until dinner, after the more pressing issue of Lila's break-in had been dealt with. "Who was on the phone?"

"That was Alya," Mrs. Cheng told Marinette with a sigh. She pocketed her phone and washed off her hands before returning to her dinner prep. "I was calling to ask her if- well, she stopped by earlier to get something, so I wanted to know if she saw or heard anything out of place while she was here. I just wanted to try to get a better idea of when Lila might have broken in so we wouldn't have to go through as much security footage-"

"Wait, why did Alya come over?" Marinette interrupted, frowning in confusion. She hadn't borrowed anything from Alya recently, and normally Alya at least texted her to let her know if she was borrowing anything from Marinette for some reason while she wasn't home.

"I was getting to that, don't interrupt," Mrs. Cheng gently chided her. "Anyway, Alya seemed pretty surprised about us having a break-in... until I mentioned that it was Lila."

Marinette groaned. She was getting a sinking suspicion that she knew where this was going. "Please don't tell me that Alya let Lila in."

"...Alya let Lila in," Mrs. Cheng confirmed, sighing. "...on the plus side, at least she didn't pick her way in through our doors. I would be looking into swapping out our locks if that were the case."

"Why on earth would she think that that would be a good idea in any way?" Marinette exclaimed. "And- well, presumably she let Lila in and then just ran off instead of supervising her, which- even if Lila somehow made up some reason for having to stop by my room, why wouldn't Alya at least have the common sense to stay with her?"

"Well, from what Alya said, Lila said that she had loaned you something and you had forgotten to give it back, and she was worried about bringing it up and making you upset... because you might think that you had already returned it and think that she was trying to frame you. Or something." Mrs. Cheng pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly exasperated. "It sounded like Lila was making it sound like you two were starting to mend bridges. And I told Alya that Lila was found with a lock picking kit and some jewelry from your Nonna Gina in her pockets, but she's still insisting that it was all a misunderstanding. "

"How- how much did you tell Alya?" Marinette asked suddenly, brain all of a sudden dancing with pictures of Alya hearing about the trap and trying to dig into what, exactly, Marinette was trying to hide. She presumably had enough sense to not go digging through Marinette's things in hopes of an interesting discovery, especially considering how hurt Lila had gotten, but that didn't mean that Alya wouldn't incessantly ask her questions, and within hearing distance of other people, too.

Not that Lila probably wouldn't bring up the trap on her own- or would she? Why would she? There would be no way to talk about it without making herself look bad. But if Lila's reputation was tanking anyway, maybe she would bring it up just to make Marinette look bad, too.

"Not much," Mrs. Cheng assured her. "I didn't have to. I implied that Lila got into a locked box of sewing things and cut herself that way, which is very believable. Your fabric scissors are sharp, as are your rotary cutters, and it's not hard to believe that someone who wasn't familiar with that box might get themselves injured. I'm not going to tell your most inquisitive friend about your very mysterious and heavily-guarded trap box."

Marinette breathed out a sigh of relief.

"On a related note, I suspect that Alya might not be very keen on coming over here for a while," Mrs. Cheng added. "I was not subtle about how irritated I was with her. And she just kept on digging her heels in more whenever I pointed out things that she wasn't considering or just flat-out missed." She paused, looking slightly sheepish. "And I may, before you got back, have insulted her investigative and observational skills. Just a little bit. I just got too mad about the fact that she fell for such an obvious lie and didn't even try to check with you about it before she went ahead and let Lila in."

Honestly, Marinette couldn't blame her mom for exploding. She couldn't believe that Alya would have done that- and apparently still thought that she was completely justified in doing it. If Lila hadn't gotten herself injured and had gotten away without being caught, who knew what sort of damage she could have caused or what information she might have gotten her hands on?

Frankly, if things had gotten to that point, once she realized what had happened, Marinette probably wouldn't have been able to resist the urge to pull out the Horse and Portal Lila to somewhere dangerous. The arctic, maybe, or the surface of the Moon. She wouldn't be able to cause trouble there.

After a pause, Mrs. Cheng nodded towards the couch. "Your box is there. I think the police said that it's currently disarmed, but be careful with it."

Marinette nodded, scooting around the table to grab the box off of the couch. She was planning on being super careful. After working so hard on the trap- well, she had once gotten a cut on her finger while she was assembling the booby trap, and that had been without any force behind it. She had no intention of becoming acquainted with those same blades with force behind them.

Besides, the box was completely safe when it was disarmed, and Marinette really didn't think that she was likely to ever just forget to disarm it, not with all of the safety measures she had deliberately built in. All that took was unlocking the second lock first- the crooked one that looked like it had been a mistake, or just a practice run on a spare piece of wood that ended up not being a spare piece- and then she could unlock the lid itself. There was a visible latch on the inside that would give away- to her- if the trap was set or not, and she always checked it just in case before sticking her hand in.

"I know how to open it safely and make sure that it's disarmed before I put my hand in," Marinette assured her mom. "After all, I designed it. I won't forget how to do it."

"Honestly, I figured that much. It wasn't a reassurance when I looked at the box at first because honestly, it doesn't look like an expertly engineered box." Mrs. Cheng smiled over at Marinette. "But that's deliberate, isn't it? No one would suspect that there's anything inside when it looks like a beginner's project."

"It was either make it look like that or try to make some sort of ornate box with a hidden key hole so that no one could figure out where the lock was, but- well, I don't have the time or skill to do that sort of carving." Marinette ran one hand over the box, remembering how much effort it had taken to make the box really solid and then go back and make it look like a beginner's project, ramshackle and not at all sturdy. If the person looking at the box knew anything about construction, the presence of the lock would probably give away the fact that she knew what she was doing, but Marinette was willing to bet that most people wouldn't know that. "It would have been cool, though. I've seen some locks online where people would never figure out how to open it unless they had been shown how, and that would have been nice."

Hawkmoth would probably just try to slice the box open then, but- well, if he did, he was in for a surprise. The wood might crack, but the enchanted metal underneath wouldn't budge.

"You've done quite a bit of research about this, then." Mrs. Cheng considered Marinette for a long moment, and she resisted the urge to squirm. "Honestly, there's a part of me that really wants to question the box and say no to you having it, because it's clearly dangerous- I mean, I saw the damage that it did to Lila- and even though I know you'll be careful, it's hard to be comfortable with the idea of that being in your room. But clearly you've been responsible with storing it, and I trust that you wouldn't have gone so far out of your way to get the materials and do the modifications to that trap if you didn't think it was important to protect whatever is in there." She took a deep breath, and Marinette could tell that her mom was severely torn about whatever she was about to say. "So your dad and I are going to allow it, and we won't ask about what you have in the box. Heaven knows you deserve some privacy."

Marinette let out a sigh of relief. "I- thank you."

"And- I didn't want to say anything over the phone, but the police had originally wanted to talk with you about why you had that trap on the box," Mrs. Cheng continued, and Marinette's heart dropped right back into her feet, the moment of relief gone. "Because- well, normally kids your age don't have stuff like that. But- oh, you should have seen it. Your dad got very puffed-up and huffy with them about how this was the second time in less than two years that a classmate of yours had been caught breaking into your room with ill intentions and were you not allowed to protect your things? And one of the police was Officer Raincomprix, so of course he was in a pretty big hurry to drop that line of questioning. Particularly when he was reminded that his daughter was the other classmate that had snuck in."

Marinette hastily muffled a laugh. She would have loved to see that, honestly. "And they didn't say that they would, like, come back later or anything?"

"Only to get a statement from you that Lila wasn't meant to be at our house at all. Your father and I discussed it, and- if it's all right with you- we'd like to pursue pressing charges. We've heard enough about Lila that we want to make sure that she won't be bothering you in the future. Breaking and entering is just- she's taken it too far. She's been taking it too far, and I apologize for both your dad and I that we haven't taken it seriously. No disorder is going to compel someone to target you to the degree that she has been, much less plot to break into your room." Mrs. Cheng shook her head, clearly disgusted at herself for having fallen for the lie. "At the very least, we want to look into getting a restraining order. That should keep her away from you."

"What if Lila spins some tale or tries to get sympathy and we can't get the order?" Marinette asked. Even with their evidence- well, from the sounds of it, Lila's hand was probably pretty mangled, and she didn't have the magical healing potion that Marinette kept on hand just in case to put it back to normal. "What if they decide that her hand is punishment enough?"

"Then we'll argue that." Mrs. Cheng's voice was firm. "If you testify about what Lila has been like, then the courts will know that she's likely to just go back to school and cry about her wrist to get sympathy. And they've seen people like her before, I'm sure. They're not going to be as easily fooled as your teachers and classmates and- well, and your dad and I."

Marinette swallowed and nodded. That would be nice. That would be really nice.

"And if they do- well, and even if they don't- I will be talking to Lila's mother. There's no way she knows what her daughter has been up to, if she still was letting her run around." Mrs. Cheng nodded once, sharp, and Marinette knew that there would be no stopping her mom now. She was determined to keep Lila away from Marinette and force her to see the consequences of her actions, and so it would happen.

Honestly, Marinette had the best parents ever.

  Marinette let out a sigh of relief as she tucked the box back in its spot, piling the presents for Adrien back on top of it and shutting the lid of her storage bench. It locked with a thud and a sharp click, sounding sturdy and secure.

It was too bad that that was a lie. Marinette ran her fingers over the lock, wondering if she should try switching out the lock for a different style, something that would be harder- or, even better, impossible- to pick. It might be hard to do that without attracting attention, though, and if she messed it up?

It would be better to not have signs of tampering on her bench, just in case. Maybe she should practice with putting in and taking out locks on a bit of scrap wood first.

A blanket went over the bench, set at a jaunty angle, just casual enough that it didn't look arranged. Marinette's backpack went next to it, the perfect picture of nothing here to see.

And still Marinette worried her lip.

"It'll be fine, Marinette!" Tikki told her, zipping up next to her shoulder. "Downstairs is all locked up, the box is hidden, and the bench is locked. No one is going to be breaking in- and Lila is in the hospital anyway."

"I know, but..." Marinette trailed off, glancing around her room. Whenever someone entered her room without her consent- when Sabrina broke in, after Jagged Stone's camera wandered in while broadcasting live to all of Paris, and then now with Lila- she always felt thrown off kilter and uncomfortable, out of place and not as secure as normal in her own room. It wasn't ever a nice feeling.

She couldn't even safely leave her diary out in her room. Not her diary, not anything that might be the least bit valuable, not any signs of her crush or anything that might even hint at her double life. Maybe it would be a good idea to tuck those things away anyway, but there was a difference between having to simply put things away instead of leaving them out in the open and having to lock everything away under several layers of protection.

Marinette was starting to get the feeling that once she was older and had her own place, there would be a lot of personalization with false walls and hidden compartments where she could hide away- well, everything, really. All of the parts of her life that she might be at all leery of anyone finding out about.

It was always going to be a good idea to hide the Miraculous stuff, especially while Hawkmoth was active, but Marinette should be able to expect some measure of privacy in her own room. The fact that she apparently couldn't...

Maybe it was a better idea to not dwell on that too much. And, with any luck, they wouldn't have any trouble going forward. She and her parents had talked over dinner and come up with a new rule for letting in friends and classmates: all visits had to be approved by Marinette before they set foot through the door. If she let them in herself it was fine, of course, but if they came in through the bakery and wanted to be let up then Sabine had to have a text on her phone from Marinette approving it. There would be no more surprise visits from her friends- or at least no truly surprise visits, since she would at least get a couple minutes' warning from her mom's inquiry text- and no more people going up to her room when she wasn't there 'just to grab something really quickly, honest'. If someone tried to come over as a surprise and Marinette didn't see her mom's text right away- either because she was just busy or because she was out as Ladybug- then that was just too bad. They didn't just get to saunter up and poke around in her room unattended until she got back.

That- well, security reasons aside, it was a really good change. There had been multiple times lately when Marinette had been in the middle of trying to catch up on homework and one (or more) of her friends burst in and interrupted her, and that had both thrown her completely off and eaten up time that she really didn't have to spare because she felt bad about sending them away when they had come over to see her. There hadn't been any times yet where Marinette had been out as Ladybug and came back to find someone in her room, but, well, she couldn't get lucky forever. If they hadn't made the change, then it would probably only be a matter of time before Ladybug slipped into her room after a long fight and found Alya waiting there.

(That would be a disaster.)

"At least I hadn't gotten around to painting the trap with the poison that the Order sent me," Marinette commented after a pause, pushing away thoughts of her new visiting arrangements and how she really should have implemented them earlier for the time being. The poison was a new suggestion from the Order, something to completely ensure that Hawkmoth wouldn't be able to steal the Miraculous, and it was a suggestion that made her really, really nervous. She fiddled with one of the tassels on the blanket, then resolutely turned and headed up to bed. "The police might have been fine with the bear trap- if only barely- but a bear trap coated in poison? I would have gotten in so much trouble."

"I still think it would be a good idea to put it on," Tikki told her. "I know it ups the scary factor even more, but in case Hawkmoth finds the box and he doesn't pass out from the trap- or if it doesn't catch him as much as it sounds like it got Lila, since he might be expecting a trap!- then it should still keep him from getting away scot-free. You have the antidote and the healing potions, so you should still be safe!"

"In theory, at least." Sure, the Order had assured her that it would take some time for the poison to kick in, enough time for her to get to her remedies- a delay of sorts, followed by it absolutely flooring the unfortunate person affected- but that still depended entirely on her keeping her head long enough to actually get to them.

Maybe she needed to consider a rearranging of where things were so that there would be less distance between the box and the antidotes, just in case that very dangerous and (hopefully) very unlikely scenario of the box snapping shut on her ever happened.

Ugh. More things to do, as though she didn't already have enough on her plate. But Tikki was right- Hawkmoth was too much of a threat to keep putting off the secondary level of protection. She would just have to be super careful around the box- even more than she had been before- and prioritize getting her remedies located closer to the hidden Miracle Box.

That, and she definitely had to make sure that she kept her remedy up-to-date, no slacking and letting it come close to expiration. And, well, she had to make sure that she didn't use up the healing potion- the potion that would immediately reverse the damage from the trap in case something went wrong- with injuries that she got while sewing or tripping over her own feet.

At least she knew how to make the healing potion. As long as Marinette kept an eye on how much she had- and her (poorly) hidden supply of potion ingredients, those had to be next on her list of things to build hiding spots for after a new spot for the box and a close but not too close location for the remedies- and made sure to top it back up whenever she got low, using it for other injuries shouldn't be a problem.

"I'll tell Mom no babysitting next weekend, and do the poison then," Marinette said, realizing that she hadn't said anything for a minute. "If I do it right away and the police end up wanting to see it again, then that'll be an issue. If I give it a little time, then I won't end up putting the poison on and then having to take it right off again. And I need to get some more supplies- a dedicated paintbrush, and some gloves so that my skin doesn't come in contact with it at all."

Tikki nodded, approving. "I didn't think of that! That's a good thought. I think that should be fast enough. And it'll give you time to think about ways you can shake up your set-up so that no one else will know about it again!"

"The biggest changes there might have to wait to summer, honestly," Marinette admitted. The amount of work it would take to make a hidden cubby- and to make it fast enough that no one would notice it- would be absolutely insane, her biggest project yet. "But I'm sure that I can make some changes to up my security before then, and dream up improvements that I can make so that I'm ready to hit the ground running as soon as I have enough free time."

Her mind was whirring with more ideas already, actually. She would have to ask the Order to enchant more metal so to be Miraculous-resistant, pieces that she could put inside of the storage bench and keep it from being destroyed. If Hawkmoth (or his akumas) couldn't pick locks, that should be enough to stop him. And then if she practiced with taking out and putting locks in, then she could put in a lock like one she had seen online most recently, the one that had a hidden keyhole. Both improvements wouldn't affect her ability to get in- which was a good thing, since speed was super important during akuma fights- but should make things for difficult for anyone with nefarious intentions.

It would be a lot of work, of course, and might mean skipping out on a few outings with her friends to get things done quickly just in case, but she could make the Miracle Box safe and secure again. It might even end up helping her in the long run, since now she knew where the weak points in her security were and could fix them before they were put to the test by an akuma or Hawkmoth. Sure, it wasn't ideal that people knew about the box at all, but- well, it wasn't worth crying over spilled milk.

Marinette would come back from this, and she would come back stronger.

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #Traps and Sneaks

[laurelnose]

monster! parasites!

you know how a few days ago i said we weren’t going to talk about monster parasites? that was a fucking lie.

the basis of my monster parasite thoughts are: every organism comes with its own internal ecosystem that goes with them everywhere. it’s like having built-in friends! ergo, when monsters crossed over to the witcher dimension during the Conjunction of Spheres they must have brought many new and delightful parasites with them. you know what fiend manes are full of? MITES. you know what drowners got on their skin? COPEPODS. what can we do with this information? anything we want.

i promise there are no pictures below the cut. i have tried to put warnings on all my sources but click any of the links below at your own risk. warning for internal and external parasites of animals, monsters, humans, and witchers; parasites altering the behavior of their hosts; and probably general body horror. if you read the eating-liver-flukes post that’s probably a decent baseline for how revolting you will find this post. 

also, super obvious bias towards aquatic parasites as referents. my degree is fisheries science not terrestrial ecology so that’s primarily what i’m drawing on even though nearly all of the witcher monsters are terrestrial. there is a TON i’m missing here bc of that bias! specifically i really wish i could talk about how parasites of invasive species often act as co-invaders with their hosts and monsters definitely count as invasive species and would have majorly reshaped ecological interactions on the Continent but i don’t know enough about terrestrial ecosystems to speculate properly. (ETA: while i still think monsters would have majorly reshaped ecological interactions on the Continent, I don’t actually think they’re invasive species anymore!) hopefully you enjoy it anyways!

it is, hilariously, canon that parasites are used for alchemy. according to The Last Wish, the Temple of Melitele’s grotto grows a bunch of different “rare specimens—those which made up the ingredients of a witcher’s medicines and elixirs, magical philters and a sorcerer’s decoctions” and some of those specimens are, uh, “clusters of nematodes.” nematodes being parasitic roundworms. this is really funny because it’s so fucking weird. also everything else in this description is a plant or a fungus and nematodes are definitely animals? i choose to believe the world makes sense and nematodes aren’t plants in the witcherverse. therefore parasites are alchemical ingredients, it’s canon, give me more witchers digging through monster intestines in search of worms and put a nematode colony in the basement of corvo bianco please and thank you

this actually leads right into my personal favorite drowner headcanon (hello yes i’m tumblr user Socks Laurelnose and i am always thinking about drowners)—you know those bits where drowners kind of have red blotches in their skin? those are nematodes, actually, because i said so. the reference is Clavinema mariae, a nematode that infests English sole. the worms are basically harmless but they’re dark red and you can see them through the skin. it freaks people out and makes it hard to sell sole. (IMAGE WARNING: a picture of an infected flatfish. it looks mostly normal but there’s a dark red lesion near the fin.) said lesion is probably a coiled-up Clavinema. sole have so many of these, it’s not even funny (PDF article link, IMAGE WARNING for worms visible underneath skin of flatfishes. relevant images pointing out exactly how many worms on page 5). “but the red parts of drowners could just be flushed from blood”—no. worms. 

okay that was my main specific-parasite-for-specific-monster headcanon (except also succubi probably have a unique species of lice for their hairy legs. but that’s barely even a headcanon, basically all terrestrial vertebrates have a unique species of lice.) i wanted to start with it because i think that everyone should feel free to arbitrarily assign a totally benign but conceptually gross worm to their favorite monsters. why not, yanno? also it probably sets the tone for the rest of this post. 

carrying on: “what monsters might have nematodes, besides drowners,” you may be wondering? probably all of them! all of them are full of nematodes. nematodes are fucking everywhere. allow me to share a deeply unsettling quote from nematologist Nathan Cobb: 

“In short, if all the matter in the universe except the nematodes were swept away, our world would still be dimly recognizable, and if, as disembodied spirits, we could then investigate it, we should find its mountains, hills, vales, rivers, lakes, and oceans represented by a film of nematodes. The location of towns would be decipherable since, for every massing of human beings, there would be a corresponding massing of certain nematodes. Trees would still stand in ghostly rows representing our streets and highways. The location of the various plants and animals would still be decipherable, and, had we sufficient knowledge, in many cases even their species could be determined by an examination of their erstwhile nematode parasites.”

jesus christ! thanks nathan, I hate it. nematodes are usually both benign and microscopic, but we’re talking witchers, we want some parasites we can fuckin get our hands on. sperm whale placentas are sometimes infested with nematodes up to 28 feet long but only a centimeter in diameter (Wikipedia link, no images). like an incredibly awful spaghetti! we don’t really seem to know if this bothers the sperm whales. also, i unfortunately do not know enough about the size of whale organs to tell you how big the placenta is in relation to this worm. the point is: real big monster? REAL BIG NEMATODES.

moving on from nematodes—okay, you know, since i mentioned eating deer liver flukes at the start of this post, let’s just go there. real life flukes max out at about 3 inches long, but hypothetical monster flukes could be much bigger and equally edible if desired. (if you’re wondering what a liver fluke would taste like: the flukes feed on the liver and they have very few organs of their own, so they would taste basically just like liver, just also long and flat like a fruit roll-up. if you’re going there, a witcher should not eat any flatworm live. if they’re digging them out of cockatrice livers or whatnot they should kill them before munching or save to cook later. it would probably be safe to eat one live, but you know that cliche “their tongues battled for dominance”? handling a live flatworm is like a handling very strong and energetic tongue complete with slime, okay, it wouldn’t be nice.)

parasites often need more than one host to complete the life cycle—for instance, Leucochloridium paradoxum (VIDEO WARNING: you may have seen this, it’s the one that makes snail eyes pulsating & green) has a bird stage and a snail stage, and it makes the snails look and act really weird in order to attract the birds. parasites altering host behavior to attract the next host in the life cycle is pretty well-documented; for instance, there’s an eye fluke that can make fish swim near the surface where predators can eat them (New Scientist article link, images of a microscope slide & a normal-looking fish) and a tapeworm that does the same and makes the dark silver fish turn white (JSTOR article, no images). i posit that at least some monsters are accompanied by “ill omens” of animals looking or acting strangely because they become infected with a stage of one of the monster’s parasites—usually, the mechanism is that internal parasites lay eggs that are passed in feces & transmitted that way. witchers who are up on their parasite ecology might be able to identify what monster is hanging around by observing exactly what kind of freaky-looking animals or animal behavior is going on around the area!

(if geralt is involved you may desire to have him explain this totally non-supernatural mechanism for abrupt animal appearance or behavioral changes at excruciating length to the chagrin of all present. or maybe that’s just what i desire. it would be funny okay)

potentially even more hyperspecific application of dual-stage parasites: there’s a dinoflagellate parasite that, when it infects crabs, makes the meat chalky and bitter like aspirin (Smithsonian link, images of healthy crab and microscope slide). geralt hunts down dinner, digs in, and immediately sighs and grabs jaskier’s portion away from him to the poet’s complete bafflement before going to get his swords because judging by the flavor there’s definitely a shishiga nest in this forest. 

like. parasites are one of THE most hyperspecific things in biology. the majority of them have very specific hosts and life cycles, many of them are completely unique to a species, if you think a fictional parasite is too specific to be plausible you’re probably wrong, make it even more specific. “the witcher monster lore is so hyperspecific lol” IT AIN’T TRULY HYPERSPECIFIC UNTIL YOU CAN IDENTIFY EACH MONSTER SPECIES BY ITS UNIQUE PARASITIC LOAD, OKAY.

and, with regards to behavior-affecting parasites, before anyone brings up Cordyceps (Ophiocordyceps, as of 2008): yeah that sure is a thing! if you weren’t aware, just a couple of years ago we found out it actually is not a mind control fungus!! it bypasses the brain entirely and affects the muscles (Arstechnica article, Atlantic article—photos of fuzzy ants and electron microscope pictures of fungi). or as Ed Yong puts it, “The ant ends its life as a prisoner in its own body. Its brain is still in the driver's seat, but the fungus has the wheel.” which is. significantly worse than the brain thing. awesome!! i bet there would absolutely be similar fungal parasites of endrega and arachasae. real Ophiocordyceps still very much does not affect humans, but you know what, if plants can be cursed into becoming archespores and cultivated by mages i see no reason why mages could not also curse endrega fungus to affect humans, just saying

aaaand quickly back to hyperspecificity: monsters in different geographical areas having different abilities because of their symbionts. forktails in vicovaro acquire a bioluminescent symbiont in their diet that forktails in other parts of the continent can’t get, and they can create flashes of light? that’s sure gonna fuck a witcher on Cat up when he comes in the cave expecting a normal forktail. (geographic location affecting bioluminescence is a thing that actually happens in midshipman fish—Wikipedia link, no parasites.) geographically-dependent symbionts can also produce different toxins and such for their hosts! this isn’t exactly a parasitism thing per se (although parasites are also symbionts because ‘symbiosis’ refers to two organisms in close association not two organisms in positive association) but like. it’s cool okay ecology is so cool

writing fic and tired of all these same-old monsters-of-the-week? quick and easy way to spice up either the horror factor or just make the hunt stand out slightly: just add parasites!! i know i’ve read fics where monsters were described with distinguishing old wounds. you can do the same with parasites! i would fucking swoon over a detail like an ancient water hag’s eyes glowing in the dark, one of them marred by a dangling parasite—geralt notes the blind spot and presses his advantage. (Wikipedia link, no images: this one is referencing an aquatic copepod called Ommatokoita.) also, please put barnacles on skelliger drowners, i want it so badly. just—some percentage of monsters should be Extra Grody on the inside and/or the outside, that’s how nature works. spicing up a mundane hunt by making the monster a little extra gross for its species is Valid, is what I’m saying.

also, every single time frozen specimens with obvious fungal/ectoparasite infections come into the lab we absolutely always take extra close-up pictures of those suckers and make sure everyone else gets to see them. witchers bringing field sketches and notes of the weirdest shit they found on the path back for winter. lambert declares they’ll never know if this alleged fiend tumor was a fungus or mange because geralt sucks at drawing. eskel, the man who hauled a katakan corpse all the way up the mountain so he could dissect it, produces actual skin samples of his own encounters for examination, possibly in the middle of dinner. this elicits mixed reactions.

quick detour into preservation, since I went there—witchers are probably immune to parasites that infect humans by virtue of having pretty different biology to begin with, and probably immune to parasitic infections from other sources by virtue of superhumanly boosted immune systems and all the poison they put into their bodies on a regular basis. picking up a monster parasite would probably not be a big deal for witchers, either in that they have total immunity or that they would only be minimally and briefly affected, but the field of monster biology is likely such that they probably just don’t actually know what would happen to them in the majority of cases. this has potential as a source of battle stories and/or stories intended to freak out trainees, i think. therefore, out of caution, a witcher harvesting/preparing parts for alchemy might want to be sure to treat them first. personally i think all monster parts should be preserved immediately anyways to avoid attracting necrophages, and given that alchemical concoctions in witcherverse are alcohol-based, preservation in strong alcohol is probably the best way to maintain potency and kill basically everything. (cons: alcohol is SUPER heavy and jars are fragile. tissues or organs which are thicker than perhaps half an inch or an inch require additional preparation for the alcohol to penetrate properly. other preservation methods are more efficient for travel. depends on how soon your witcher intends to use or offload their stash.)

also, here’s an absolutely wild marine parasite that would make it worth a witcher’s while to make certain everything was dead! pearlfishes are long eel-like fishes that live inside the anus and respiratory organs (which are attached to the anus) of sea cucumbers, and they have pretty nasty teeth (PDF article link, IMAGE WARNING: dissected sea cucumbers literally stuffed to the gills with pearlfish). the highest number of pearlfish discovered in a single sea cucumber was sixteen (ResearchGate article, free PDF; no images). a different fact: we discovered tiger sharks eat each other in the womb because a researcher got bitten by a fetal tiger shark while he was dissecting the mother (NYT link, no images or parasites). what i’m saying is: parasites are often very small relative to the host and usually harmless to things rummaging around inside, but what if the monster’s parasites were also monstrous. give me a monster that has to be very dead or when you start rummaging around for alchemy ingredients the things in its intestines will lunge out and bite you. 

what happens if a human becomes infected with a monster parasite? bad things, probably, i mentioned before that parasites in the wrong host, if they don’t just die, often super fuck things up internally (if you get tapeworms outside of the intestine where they’re supposed to be... it’s not good y’all. CDC link, no images). host-jumping for parasites is actually fairly rare since most of them are highly specialized for their hosts, but it does happen. humans are very not my strong suit so i’m not going to dwell on this but it is entirely possible that something like necrophage infestations or monster-contaminated water sources or just being a little too involved on a witcher’s monster hunt could produce strange parasitic diseases in humans. up to you how well-known and/or how clouded in superstition these effects might be! opportunities for hideous whump? gross body horror? messy and horrifying parasite-driven behavioral changes? terrifying and potentially prolonged uncertainty over what the issue actually is because of minimal information about parasites? the decision whether or not to dose with a witcher potion? excellent possibilities.

okay last one, just because i think it would be fun: myxosporeans and sirens. Myxos are a parasitic relative of jellyfish that produce whirling disease in baby salmon. whirling disease causes neurological and skeletal damage and has a pretty high mortality rate, but it also makes infected fish do this, well, whirling behavior and it’s honestly fascinating. (video link: a pretty normal-looking young trout spinning like a fuckin top). imagine a siren doing that in the sky. i just think myxos are neat!

tl;dr: extra grody hyperspecific biology of monsters!!!

#kaer morhen biology of monsters 101 #fic reference #parasites cw #VERY parasites cw #body horror cw #i have a bunch of new followers who i think came for library content and to you i am so sorry #half the time i am yelling about libraries but the other half of the time i am yelling about the GROSSEST bio shit

[barrysjumpsuit]

more than anything (jj x oc)

fandom:  outer banks

jj x oc

word count: ~2.2k

I have been in SUCH  writing rut due to academia and this started to pull me out of it. Not sure how much more I’ll write to post, but if people like this, hopefully there will be more!! Two short sections introducing my OC and her relationship with JJ. If I do post any more fics, they’ll (probably) be this pairing :) primarily fluff/angst

triggers: cannabis use, drinking, mentions of abuse

Short blurb: Life can’t get much better for Rebecca than spending a day on the water with her best friends, smoking and drinking the way away. That night, the day’s events lead to exhausted confessions from JJ. 

I woke up and knew it would be a good day.

I sat on the end of the dock. I felt good for once, and wasn’t worried about anything or anyone. A cooler sat beside me, full of snacks, beers, and a couple joints.

The sun was slowly rising in front of me. The breeze was cool and damp; I knew it would warm up nicely. I dipped my toes in the water while I waited for the boys.

Soon enough, I hear the familiar sound of the HMS Pogue. I peeked over my sunglasses at the boys and grinned. John B was posing proudly as captain, and JJ was standing on the bow, his shirt unbuttoned and fluttering in the wind. It was an old tan fishing shirt he had found washed up on the beach and insisted on keeping. “Land ho!” he called, extending a hand towards me and winking.

“Did you just call me a hoe?” I asked, picking up the cooler with one hand and grabbing JJ’s with my other. He helped me onto the boat and scoffed.

“Rebecca Anne Casey, I would never.” He acted appalled, then sneakily tried wiggling a hand inside the cooler for a smoke.

“Hey, wake and bake and you’ll be out the rest of the day,” I reminded him, slapping his hand away.

“Yes, mom,” he grumbled dramatically, pouting at me. I just squeezed his cheeks, stowed the cooler, and started making my way to the back of the boat.

“Good morning, JB,” I said, kissing him on the cheek.

“Morning, Becks,” he said, grinning at something. I assumed it was JJ’s dismay, that John B got a kiss and he didn’t.

We then picked up Kiara and Pope. JJ eventually made his way to the back of the boat where I had settled down. He sat beside me and I leaned up against him as he put an arm around me and gently began massaging my scalp, after opening two beers using the butt of his lighter. We tapped them together as a cheers.

“Do you have anything you need to get done today?” he asked, swirling the beer around in the glass bottle. The taste of the cheap lager mingled in my mouth.

I shook my head. “Not a damn thing.”

JJ grinned, his teeth pressed against the top of his Corona bottle. “Good. You’re all mine, then.”

He quickly pressed his lips against my temple, pushing me over so I was laying on the worn cushion. I grabbed his shirt, pulling him onto me. I kissed his lips, tasting the beer on his breath, before pushing him back up.

JJ was smirking while he helped me up to sit beside him again. “What’s that look?” I asked, but his smirk turned into a devilish grin.

We were distracted as John B cut the motor. Our favorite fishing spot was in the marshes – drum were good there in particular. We could sell them for a good price at the market.

Easy beer money.

We used shrimp as part of our bait. JJ threw one at Pope, who immediately threw it right back at him. I rolled my eyes and cast my line, catching the spinner before it flew too far into the marsh.

John B got the first bite. He pulled in a decent enough sized drum and tossed it in the livewell. Pope soon followed, hauling in a tiny mackerel.

“Holy mackerel,” JJ commented dryly. “Pope, you’ve got the catch of the day, my friend!” This earned the mackerel being thrown at him; it bounced off him and splashed back into the sea.

It was a decent day’s worth of fishing. We were trolling along through the marsh. At about noon, I lit up a joint, having to shield my lighter’s flame from the crisp breeze. The sun was directly overhead and I was a bit too warm; I took my t-shirt and shorts off, much to JJ’s delight.

I felt like I was exposing myself in my ill-fitting swimsuit. I had recently gained weight – not a lot, but some - and my best-fitting bikini was still slightly too small, pressing into my skin in ways I didn’t like. I immediately sat down in the back of the boat, pulling my knees up to my chest, trying to hide my stomach.

Nobody noticed but JJ. He bit his lip before taking a drag off the joint. Stepping delicately off the side of the boat and towards me, he crouched down in front of me. “You okay?”

I nodded silently.

“Liar. Talk to me.”

“My bathing suit doesn’t fit,” I muttered. “I don’t want to accidentally give anyone a show they don’t want.”

JJ set his jaw. He knew the second part of my statement was an excuse – we had all seen each other naked plenty of times before, and none of us were particularly fashionable besides Kie.

“Becks,” JJ started. I pulled the joint from his hand and took another drag while he prepared his words. “Own this shit. Babe, you’ve always been smokin’ hot.” I blew smoke in his face, and he scowled. “Smartass. The only part of you anyone should look at is here,” he continued, putting a hand on either side of my face. “I hope that when people look at your face, they see what I see. They see a friend, a badass surfer chick, and someone whose line is about to get pulled to sea.”

It took a moment for his words to click. “Shit,” I grunted, and we rushed over to where my pole was mounted on the side of the boat. I started reeling, and the fish fought hard. JJ held onto me, encouraging me, while John B leaned over the side of the boat with the net as the fish was brought in close enough for him to grab it.

“She’s heavy!” John B exclaimed. JJ grabbed the fish by its mouth and pulled it from the net.

The black drum bellowed, making us all laugh. “That’s photo worthy,” Kiara had said, and suddenly the fish was in my lap with JJ and John B on either side of me, smiling for Kiara’s camera.

“That fish is enough for a gram or two,” JJ said, pinching the joint between his fingers while John B put the fish into the livewell. I smiled. He was wearing an old, backwards cap and his faded green swim trunks with that raggedy fishing shirt. A mess, but my favorite mess, and he managed to pull the look off in a way that only JJ could. It might have been due to the weed, but I felt myself melting into my seat, watching everyone, a smile tugging on the corners of my mouth.

JJ danced around the boat, taking turns giving everyone hell. At one point, Kiara started distributing lunch to everyone, and sat down beside me. She had managed to swipe a to-go order from the Wreck that hadn’t been picked up the previous day.

Kiara leaned her neck on my shoulder after we finished eating, and I laid my head on hers. We sat like that for a while. I was riding a nice, mellow high. Eventually, the boys called it a day and we slowly started back to the fish market, where John B and JJ would sell our fish.

For now though, JJ nestled himself beside me and Kiara. He laid his head in my lap, kicking his feet up on the side of the boat, and I ran my fingers through his hair, despite the sweat and sea spray that made it damp.

I knew how JJ was when we smoked on these fishing trips. He soon fell asleep; Kiara and I braided his hair, John B watching with a sly grin while Pope laid on the front of the boat.

They called the Outer Banks “paradise on Earth”. It was something I laughed at for the longest time, but now, I could see where they got it from.

I was content, sun-kissed, and a little stoned. Life couldn’t get much better than this.

--

That evening, I kept the ball rolling. I sustained my high, nursing beers throughout the afternoon so that by midnight there was a slight crossfade accompanied by the beginnings of a hangover. My trip had turned into a bad one, so I had curled up on one end of the couch in the Chateau, withdrawn from the conversations around me.

“Are you tired?” JJ whispered, sitting down on the arm of the couch next to me. His eyes were soft, but I could tell he was drunk himself. I nodded, and he slid off the arm to help me up. “Come on, let’s go.”

“You hittin the hay?” John B asked, and I nodded sleepily.

“Goodnight!” Kie said, kissing my cheek, and Pope echoed her words.

JJ walked me to our bedroom in the Chateau with his arm around my shoulders. “Do you wanna get changed?” he asked, and I begrudgingly changed from the t-shirt and shorts I had been wearing all day to a clean shirt and comfy shorts.

My body ached, and I was exhausted. I rolled onto my side to face him, curling up and closing my eyes.

“Do you want a blanket?” he asked quietly, despite the summer heat and humidity that percolated the Chateau.

I knew, though, that I would get cold throughout the night. I always did. JJ knew, too. I nodded, and he lightly tucked a light throw around me.

“Thanks, Jay,” I murmured, nestling up in it.

“Anything for you,” he replied.

It took me by surprise. I opened my eyes to find myself looking into his. He gave me soft smile, but I could tell something was wrong. He’s an open book, especially when he drinks and smokes.

“JJ…” I whispered. I reached out from under the blanket and cupped the exposed side of his face with my hand. He closed his eyes at my touch. “Baby, talk to me.”

It wasn’t often that I used pet names. Baby. Where did that come from? JJ inhaled before opening his eyes and sighing. “I just worry about losing you. That’s all.”

I knew that wasn’t all. I knew he was worried about me, for whatever reason, but he was worried about himself. He was worried something would happen – with his dad, with himself – that would render him unable to care for me. Or that I would somehow leave, and he would have to face his demons himself. He needed me as much as I needed him.

I had been close with JJ for as long as I could remember. We met, along with John B, in the third grade, and had been thick as thieves ever since. I was there for the whole deevoloution of JJ’s father and home life. He had shared that with me – and John B to an extent, but he didn’t share everything with him. John B was cool, suave, popular, and close with his father. JJ didn’t want to give him insight to that part of his life. He didn’t want to feel any more vulnerable than he felt every second of the day.

He shared that with me. My family was distant as well. Maybe it helped that I was a girl. Throughout out childhood and into our adolescence, we were each other’s number one caretakers. We would tap on each other’s windows at night when things got bad. By the time our group grew to include Kiara and Pope, we had grown to rely on our sense of family. Our family, our little circle, was the most important thing.

Thus, no Pogue-on-Pogue macking.

I think that we had always loved each other, but never realized it until a few years ago. As we aged, we began to express our feelings for each other in other ways. Intimacy, touching, kisses. When we became “official”, no one said anything or brought up the rules.

At one point, I remember John B pulling me aside. He held my hands, facing me. “You know you’re his lifeline, right? You’re the most important thing in his world.”

At the time, I had just nodded. It was after JJ arrived at the Chateau, bleeding and delirious. He didn’t let anyone touch him and was completely shut down. I eventually got through to him, spending the next few hours cleaning his wounds, washing the blood from his body, and coaxing him into bed.

That was the worst I had ever seen him. I promised him that it would never happen again.

Every time JJ cried, I was reminded of that night. Now, several silent tears rolled down his cheeks. One hit my hand. “I’m not going anywhere if I can help it, and I doubt I’d be able to get rid of you that easily. Come here.”

Then, JJ was burying his face in my chest, arms wrapped around me and pulling me close.

“I love you, JJ.”

Neither of us were very affectionate with our words, and used the love word sparingly, mostly because we had both been lied to many times.

He nodded against me. “I love you more than anything, Rebecca.”

#obx #obx imagine #obx fanfiction #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj imagine #jj maybank x oc #outer banks #outer banks imagine

[theritualofourexistence]

[hyper]tension

There are so many things I could be writing about right now. 

I’ve chosen to stick with one of the things I know best for this post.

Did you guess “body image issues and the problem of narrowly defining the concept of health?” 

If so: a cookie for you! 

A handful of pictures popped up in my Timehop from 12 whole years ago that gave me pause the other day.

Sometimes when I see older pictures of myself I am overwhelmed by how different I look now... in a bad way. I see myself in those pictures as thin and beautiful and I see myself now as a sausage monster stuffed into bike shorts. 

The more I sit with and work on my body image issues, the more I have noticed healthier thinking habits developing. Let me be clear, this has been an incredibly slow process. But seeing those changes is something I am really encouraged by... and it makes the every day body image fight have some measurable value. 

I can say with confidence that, at 200 pounds, my body image is currently the best it has ever been.

That has nothing to do with the specific number on the scale and everything to do with working really hard over a lot of years to understand that neither “beauty” or “health” are inherently defined as “thin.” A fundamental pillar of that understanding is that you cannot separate mental health from the concept of general health. 

Mainstream culture does this. 

Mainstream culture wants you to believe that it’s your weight or your BMI that determines whether or not you are healthy.

That is bullshit. 

Here are the pictures of me from 12 years ago. We were moving my high school boyfriend into his freshman dorm for his first year of college. I don’t think any of the people in these photos will mind me sharing them in the context of this blog post. 

I am *THIN* in these pictures.

I am 17.

Apart from a very clear warning sign that I was already developing horrible posture, I noticed a couple of things right away about these pictures when I was looking at them the other day.

My shirt is a size small or extra small. 

I am holding my arm across my stomach in the fourth picture because I do not think I am *thin enough* to be wearing that shirt. 

I may have been a thin 17-year-old. But I was not healthy.

I was physically fit.

I played soccer for three out of four seasons of the year.

But I was not healthy.

I know I wasn’t healthy because I was about to embark on my senior year of high school during which I would, at times, only allow myself one and a half meals per day. Sometimes that one meal would be pasta. Other times that one meal would be a bag of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms and a Mountain Dew. Other times it would be a gallon of strawberries. Other times it would be a family pack of Twizzlers.

My body in those pictures might look healthy. 

But appearance is not an appropriate indicator of health. 

The two times in my adult life that I have been the thinnest have also been the times in my life where I have struggled the most with body image and disordered eating. 

After I escaped the abusive relationship of my freshman year of college, I gained around 20 pounds.

The following summer, I exercised for an hour every day and ate only pickles and Greek yogurt (separately, of course, don’t be gross). 

I lost 30 pounds.

That was also not healthy.

Fast forward a handful of years to 2015. 

I start an anti-depressant. 

Over the course of the next two years I gain around 50 pounds.

Today, in the spirit of full disclosure (and because the numbers don’t mean shit), my weight fluctuates between 190 and 200. 

I am obese.

A mathematical algorithm used to determine BMI has labeled me “obese.” 

My clothing sizes vary day to day thanks to IBS-related bloating but I’m somewhere around a 14-16. 

Do you know the cut-off for plus sizes? 

It’s 14. 

So, I am an obese, plus-sized woman.

The numbers aren’t very polite, are they?

Within the last two years I was diagnosed with severe iron-deficiency anemia.

I committed to correcting that with a number of lifestyle changes including taking supplements and adding iron-heavy foods to my diet. I took Vitamin C to boost my absorption. On days I took the supplement I had no coffee, no tea, no dairy, and no acid-reducer meds. In 6 very committed months, I resolved my iron issues, for the most part. We have since learned that the daily stomach medicine I take may be affecting my iron absorption so, although I am no longer taking supplements, I am taking a daily vitamin to help maintain a healthy level of iron. 

That story is about health.

I had a health issue and I developed a strategy to resolve the issue, being sure to consider my mental health as well. 

I have worked really, really hard to consider my HEALTH instead of my WEIGHT.

This obese, plus-sized woman exercises for around an hour every day. She does not drink alcohol or soda. She is aware of what she eats and is careful to eat when she’s hungry and stop when she’s full. 

One of the ways I know my thinking is healthier is that when I look at bathing suits on Target’s website, I have started to consider their plus-sized models “normal.” 

The average size of an American woman based on the most recent data is between sizes 18 and 20. 

I spent over twenty years unable to see an average-sized woman as beautiful.

Even though the clothing industry has labeled me “plus-sized,” if anything, I am “slightly less than average-sized.” 

In this post, I’m sure my thinking seems sort of piece-meal and disconnected.

In my head, thin-ness and health and body image and eating and exercise and cultural interpretations of beauty are all smashed into one big Frankenstein’s creation. 

For a long, long time I did not consider plus-sized or average-sized women to be beautiful solely because they were not thin.

When I was thin (and not healthy), I know that I considered people of that size, the average size, to be unhealthy.

I am at a point in my life where my habits are the healthiest they have been and my mental health regarding my body image is also the healthiest it has been.

And I weigh 200 pounds. 

You cannot look at a person and have any idea how healthy they are. 

You cannot look at a BMI or a number on a scale and judge a person’s health accordingly. 

I have worked with people who are suicidal who are thin and people who are suicidal who are not thin.

Health cannot be separated from mental health.

Can you be too thin? Absolutely. Your body needs a certain amount of fat and muscle to function properly. Can you be too big? Absolutely. Risks for all kinds of delightfully chronic and fatal conditions increase with weight gain.

Can you be big and be healthy? Yes. 

I know because I am those things.

If you exercise, if you are aware of what you eat and are careful to not over-eat, if you get the vitamins you need, if you prioritize balancing mental health and physical health, if you get enough sleep, “healthy” is within reach for everyone. 

If I ever write a book, it will be about balancing mental health and physical health. Because for basically my entire adult life, I’ve focused on one or the other and that does not work. I promise that if I do write a book, it’ll be better organized than this zig-zaggy blog post.

We have to push back against the cultural tendency to keep mental health separate from our definitions of general health. 

We have to push back against the cultural tendency to define health by how a person looks.

You are not “healthy” if you are not physically healthy.

But you are also not “healthy” if you are not mentally healthy.

And sometimes, especially if you have a tendency toward body dysmorphia or disordered eating, the healthiest option is not to focus on weight loss or buy into a fad diet plan. 

I am not trying to lose weight.

I am trying to be healthy.

And, you could argue, I’m not trying to lose weight BECAUSE I am trying to be healthy.

Trying to lose weight feeds mental illness for me. And that is not healthy.

This blog post is brought to you by a lot of years of working really hard to understand myself. My specific approach to managing my health may not work for you, but I challenge anyone reading this to take a moment and think about whether or not you are giving balanced consideration to physical and mental health. Because, even if our specific situations are different, balancing mental and physical health is the only path to being healthy. For me, for you, for everyone.

This blog post is also brought to you by a new health hurdle that has been laid in my lap over the past few weeks.

I have high blood pressure.

Chronic hypertension runs in my family, so I have a predisposition for high blood pressure. I have not been aware of having it at all in the past but thanks to my mom’s new blood pressure machine, I am aware of it now. 

Learning that I have high blood pressure instigated a bit of a breakdown. 

For a lot of the reasons I have already mentioned.

I’m working really hard to be healthy by balancing my mental and physical health. So why, if both those things are headed in the right direction, does my body not seem to agree?

Well, genetics will do that.

In the name of health, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. We talked about the typical “lifestyle changes” that would be recommended for someone my age with high blood pressure.

I am already doing all of them. 

There are things I cannot control, however, that are affecting my mental health right now. I am carrying a lot of stress about the upcoming election. I am carrying a lot of stress about Black people being disproportionately arrested, charged, jailed, and killed by police as part of a system of oppression that I would very much like to have a part in dismantling. I am carrying a lot of stress about the pandemic that has killed 170,000 Americans. I have spent 7-8 years learning how to manage my stress. Those tools were not intended to work in situations like this.

So, my doctor and I made a plan to monitor my blood pressure, to try do more meditation and progressive relaxation, to eliminate processed snacks from my everyday diet (on occasion is still allowed), and to start doing some basic weight exercises with my cardio. 

Blood pressure is a really good example of why a healthy approach requires balancing mental and physical health. 

I’ve checked the physical health boxes for blood pressure management. 

And things beyond my control are preventing me from checking the mental health boxes for blood pressure management.

And also, genetics.

With the help of my doctor, I’ve developed a plan that considers both my physical and mental health and only time will tell if that has an impact on my blood pressure. For what it’s worth, my doctor is optimistic. Part of the reason my doctor is optimistic is because I am healthy.

To clarify, being healthy does not mean that my IBS has gone away, it just means I am treating my IBS with diet and medicine. 

Being healthy does not mean my anxiety has gone away, it just means I am in control of my anxiety.

I would not be healthy if I was unable to manage my IBS. 

But I would also not be healthy if I was unable to manage my anxiety. 

I would not be healthy if I had not figured out the value of balancing physical and mental health. 

Just like I found a way to overcome my iron-deficiency anemia, I will find a way to overcome my high blood pressure. It may require new medication and lifestyle changes, but by giving adequate consideration to both my physical and mental health, I have no doubt that I will eventually find a healthy solution to push myself over this hurdle as well.

Gonna wrap this up with a poor quality mirror-selfie I took this morning when I tried on a new bathing suit. This is a (headless) picture of a 200-pound, obese, plus-sized, healthy person.

#bopo #body positive #body image #health #mental health #physical health #disordered eating #body dysmorphia #fat #thin #obese #healthy #weight #weight loss #diet culture #hypertension #hypertensive #high blood pressure #anxiety

[alightwhendarknessfell]

So , would you say Andy had an eating disorder or he just had body image issues ? He’s spoken about being chubby as a kid and into his teens ( you can tell he had a bit of weight on him but it was healthy weight !) I know he used to drink green tea a lot and some people drink it to help with weight loss , idk but I’d like to hear your thoughts.

I would say he suffers on and off from a full-blown eating disorder (probably anorexia). He may have never been formally diagnosed or even realize he meets the criteria but it’s pretty blatantly obvious. Since eating disorders are a topic close to my heart this is probably going to be a long post. I and some people very close to me have suffered from various eating disorders and a lot of his behaviors are exactly the same as what I did or people I knew who had eating disorders did, things that people without them probably wouldn’t do. 

Andy is about 6″2, a normal weight for a man at that height would be between 150-190 lbs. 

Let’s start from the beginning he has said he was overweight as a kid, and I forgot in what interview but he said that at one point he was around 200 lbs. I don’t know how tall he was at 13 but it’s also common for boys to get kind of chubby then grow and lean out throughout childhood and adolescent years. This was Andy as a kid, now he’s got a lot of gear on so it’s hard to tell his size but he doesn’t look fat to me. 

He talks about in this interview and says it caused him a lot of pain to be made fun of for his weight. This type of bullying can have a pretty severe impact on someone as far as developing an eating disorder. Mine started because of people teasing me about my weight around the same age, even though I was maybe only 5 lbs overweight at the time. 

There was a photo he posted of his Ohio divers license where he would have been around 16-18 and it listed his weight as 155 lbs. That’s a healthy weight for someone of his height and if you look at photos of him from that time he looks very good. That’s not saying he wasn’t engaging in disordered behaviors but at least outwardly he didn’t look ill. 

Now then he moved out to LA around 18, and he started dropping weight pretty dramatically. He’s said before he didn’t have any money and couldn’t afford to eat which could explain what looks to be about a 20-30 lbs weight loss. The thing is he continued to get even thinner even when the band started making money. 

In this interview from 2010, he said he weighs around 145 lbs, which would put him slightly underweight. For a bit, though he still looked okay, maybe slightly underweight but okay. 

You’re right he did use to drink those diet green teas a lot, which diet drinks are very popular with people who are starving themselves because they make you feel full and have caffeine to give you energy. I’ve heard multiple stories that he would refuse to eat fat or certain things, etc. That he is weird around food, etc. It’s not my place to disclose what I have heard over the years but I do believe what I have been told for various reasons. There’s also his smoking, which suppresses the appetite. There is also a subset of anorexia where people just consume massive amounts of alcohol and that serves as their main calorie source. 

The first Kerrang magazine they were in has a very telling part in it concerning how Andy stays thin according to him. Only eating once a day and smoking when you feel hungry is textbook anorexia. 

I would say around late 2010-2011 he reached what was a pretty scary weight. I don’t know his weight at the time but it was probably around 120 lbs. That would give him a BMI of around 16-17. At that BMI he would meet the weight criteria for anorexia. Even if he was ‘naturally thin’ like his mom that’s way too low. I think the pressure to be thin because that’s what ‘emo band guys’ were supposed to look like really got to him. A lot of people don’t realize that a lot of guys in the alt-rock music scene have eating disorders. The ‘norm’ is to be rail thin and men are not exempt from the pressure to conform. There have been some people like Gerald Way and Sonny Moore who have come forward to talk about how they struggle with eating disorders. 

This was around the time that he started posting a lot of alarming photos of himself where the main focus of the photo seemed to be just how thin he is. The photos would show off his waist/torso and he seemed to be trying to emphasize his thinness. These ‘body check’ photos are something that most people with EDs I know, including myself, take and or post. He ended up on several thinspo websites. A lot of the photos showed off his ribs/collar bones/hip bones, etc. 

He also would get sick constantly, even though the rest of his band stayed healthy. Even though he’s a singer he still was sick a LOT, being underweight/malnourished can weaken your immune system. He’s also broken a lot of bones, and eating disorders can cause brittle bones. (side note: the ribs breaking probably would have happened no matter what due to the height of the fall). 

Over the years he has fluctuated between healthy and underweight. In 2013-2014 he looked really good, he had muscle on him and his skin looked good. Then he went ‘vegan’ in like 2015 and got down pretty low again. Currently, he looks very malnourished. His face is sunken in and looks older which is common in anorexia where the fat deposits are gone from under the skin in the face. He says he’s vegan for moral reasons but in one interview from late last year, he said his ‘death row’ last meal would be some pizza thing which would not be vegan. Someone vegan for moral reasons wouldn’t eat animal products even on death row because they think it is wrong. I’m not saying he doesn’t love animals but I think at least part of the reason he went vegan is for a ‘diet’. A lot of people with eating disorders go vegan as a way to refuse food. 

So yes, I do think he has an eating disorder. There’s a pretty good amount of behavioral evidence he does as well as from what I’ve been told. I do want to make another point though. 

This is in no way hate. I have always been concerned about him in this regard. I know the pain of an eating disorder and it is not something I would wish on anyone. If he sees this I don’t want this to be taken as hate or in a negative way. I hope I and everyone else is wrong and it isn’t true, but I’m pretty sure it is or was. I hope that he gets help with this issue. He might think I hate him, but I don’t, I hate some of the things he is a part of and has done but not him. I also think Juliet suffers from an eating disorder and while I don’t like her, I do hope she finds help as well. 

[amphtaminedreams]

A/W 2020 Fashion Month: Before Vogue Went Blank (Part 2)

Hi to anyone reading,

I was going to start this post by jumping straight into Dion Lee and part 2 in general but there's been a lot going on the past couple of days-although this blog is primarily fashion, it wouldn’t feel right to start talking about designers without acknowledging all the shit that’s been going down.

^Photo Credit to @spiltcoco on Twitter

Yesterday, police footage came out of US police murdering yet another black man in broad daylight-George Floyd. He joins Sandra Bland, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray, and Alton Sterling, plus hundreds more named and god knows how many more unnamed African American citizens in the ever-growing list of victims of police brutality.

The majority of these are just people going about their daily lives, a majority of them doing absolutely nothing wrong; even those we know to have committed crimes have been unarmed and non-violent offenders. That being said, their offences are beside the point when we’ve seen the white perpetrators of mass shootings be calmly cuffed and escorted into the backs of police cars as if they were the ones selling cigarettes without permits. American police, given the amount of them that are armed, regularly become judge, jury and executioner trained for 8 weeks by an institution that originated from slave patrols. I cannot imagine how terrifying it is just to walk around as a PoC in America. I cannot imagine the collective trauma that has been suffered because of recent events on top of the intergenerational trauma that most likely exists because of centuries of oppression. I cannot imagine what it’s like to live in a country that was built to suppress you and was by law allowed to do so until very recently, those original structures still in place. I cannot imagine what it’s like to be made to feel like this is your fault. I mean, Boris Johnson is a useless, cold-hearted twat and I won’t defend him or this country for a minute (we have much blood on our own hands, and racial profiling is just as much a thing here as it is in America-I read earlier that you’re 28 times more likely to be stopped and searched in London as a non-white person compared to a white person), but I still can’t imagine him publicly advocating for the mass murder of groups he knows to be primarily made up of black people via Twitter. This whole situation is so unimaginably fucked up; anyone who still sees America as one of the world’s most developed nations needs to take a long, hard look at what is going on and reconsider that opinion.

Whilst we can’t fix everything, we can all speak up and make our voices heard, and it is our duty to do so. It’s not good enough to just “not be racist”, you have to be ANTI-racism, even if that means constantly reflecting on your own privilege and challenging your assumptions. Neutrality is complicity. Signing a petition isn’t going to change the world, but it’s a start:

https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd?recruiter=false&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf_combo_share_abi&recruited_by_id=7ba70000-a127-11ea-87fb-d1ff0bf6ea96

As I publish this, there’s less than 50,000 signatures needed to hit the target of 6,000,000 so if you happen to see it, get signing! There are lots of other petitions online but Change.org seems to be the only major one you can sign in the UK as the other are US based and require a zip code. I never thought I’d close a paragraph by quoting Macklemore but the line “no freedom 'til we're equal, damn right I support it” is at the forefront of my mind right now. Again, neutrality is complicity. We’re never going to achieve a fair society by sitting on our asses and hoping things will improve. Let’s all do the best we can.

Sorry if that intro wasn’t what you came here for, but I just think it’s so important to talk about. I know I’ve said in the past that fashion is supposed to be an escape from everyday life but there are some times when real life needs our attention and this is one of them. Feel free to unfollow if you disagree.

Anyway, onto the fashion. If this is the first post you’re reading, welcome! There’s a part 1! But I don’t wanna be pushy so start here if you wish!

If you read part 1, welcome back! 

I ended that post by practically falling at the feet of Dilara Findikoglu, and I so wanted to start this post by regaining a sense of dignity and go straight into what-the-fuck-ing at Dior, but I know breaking chronological order would really piss off those “OmG I’m SoOo OCD, tHis BuzZfeEd aRtiCle WiTh DiFfereNt SiZed TiLes ToLd Me!” which is basically me minus claiming liking things to be organised means I have OCD-no, just dermatillomania and the denial that a compulsive skin picking disorder has anything to do with OCD because the neuroses club that is my brain doesn’t have any space left. SO, I have to continue where I left off and star the post with Dion Lee, whose collections I am a big fan of.

I could ramble a bit more but I did enough of that at the beginning of part 1 and am sure I’ll do more than enough in this post anyway, so here it is, Dion Lee:

Considering we ended with the maximalism of Dilara Findikoglu, sliding back over towards the other far end of the scale with a designer that tends to pitch their tent on the borders of the minimalism camp feels correct. Dion Lee, fortunately, seems the perfect collection to open with. There aren’t many other brands who do edge in such an understated and masterful way. If you want to be ready for combat and look like you’d fit right in at Vogue at the same time, look no further. This season’s collection is full of perfectly placed cut outs and immaculate tailoring and subtle street fighter-esque details as ever, and that’s why it pains me to say it:

Not that this is enough in the way of critique to restore my dignity by any means, it’s not a patch on last season.

I don’t think there was a single bad look in that show, and at times it felt like I was weeding through them here. When the looks were good, they were GOOD but a lot I found to be disappointing. Plus I have no idea why you’d put tie-dye in an A/W collection. I appreciate that it’s an Australian brand and that our winter is their summer, but they’re presenting to the rest of the world at fashion week and anyone in Paris, Milan, London and New York is going to be freezing their tits off and looking like a twat in an orange tie-dye sundress. There wasn’t much of a dip in quality for the menswear compared to last season, but honestly womenswear left a lot to be desired. That’s what happens when your expectations are high.

I used to think that if you assume the worst, it’s impossible to feel let down. And then I saw Dior’s A/W 2020 collection. Did a full 180 on that statement.

I suppose it’s a step up from haute couture, but then at least the styling in that was simple, and it just didn’t look like anybody had tried at all; here it’s clear Maria Grazia chucked everything she could at this collection, every headscarf, every gingham print, every shallow feminist undertone, and it was still a fucking mess. At first you think some of the individual pieces are cute but have just been ruined by the styling, and then you begin to look, and realise that even those individual pieces could’ve easily been bought in a New Look Boxing Day sale.

THIS IS CHRISTIAN DIOR, SUPPOSEDLY ONE OF THE MOST LUXURIOUS BRANDS OUT THERE. WHAT IS GOING ON!? 

I don’t know, I included as many looks that I didn't mind as I could, but it’s like there always has to be a crappy, unnecessary detail in there. Everything is so literal. Of course the collection based around the divine feminine has the models dressed like basic ass Greek goddesses, so of course the collection based around the modern woman and equality has women walking the runway in ties and ill-fitting shoes too. Maria Grazia, here is a box:

Think outside of it. 

Next is, thankfully, Elie Saab:

No, not exactly a trailblazer of a collection, but executed with poise and elegance as always. I mean, the styling is spot on. It looks like each part of the outfit was made for another, to contribute to a whole clearly envisioned look, similar to what we saw in the Alberta Ferretti show. Elie Saab is known for its haute couture shows where all the tiny details, the sequins and the silk and the embroidery come together to make something beautiful, and this is just that on a larger scale, with less “wow”s and more quiet admiration, more wishing you were the one wearing that outfit. If you’re gonna play safe, do it this well. The night dresses are stunning of course, but not even my favourite bit of the show. It’s the casual looks, the pussy bows and the ruffles and the neck scarfs and the private girls school monochrome colour palette with the occasional pop of red or purple, a toned down version of what we saw at haute couture, any of which deserve to be worn whilst eating macarons in front of the Eiffel Tower before trip to Musee D’Orsay. It’s Poppy Moore’s school uniform grown up and made fit for a fashion magazine editor:

Somehow managing to cram an Emma Roberts early 2010s fashion moment into every post is my talent, who knew. Wild Child was really a gem.

Erdem was a mixed bag:

With a lot of the outfits, I can’t tell if I actually like the garments that much or if I just like the look as a whole. I mean, without sounding too gluten-free Callie from the Valley, I like the VIBE, but there was a lot of outfits I almost included before I had to ask myself “LAUREN, do you ACTUALLY like this or do you just like the walking-into-your-sugar-daddy’s-will-reading-to-claim-his-fortune DRAMA of it all!?” 

It happened a couple of times, where once I took off my black and white, theatrical violin accompanied entrance filtered sunglasses, I realised that the actual print was ugly. A collection so cohesively ornamental and kitschy is going to lean too far into that at times, and they were a few overly-fussy moments where it seemed less nudge nudge wink wink and more like Erdem Moralıoğlu fell into his grandma’s wardrobe, stole some fabric, and called it a day. I don’t want to sound like I’m not a fan of the collection because overall it’s gorgeous, I just thought it was a bit much at times.

Continuing with the theme of clever seasonal continuity that weaved its way throughout this year’s A/W offerings, Ermanno Scervino kept the core of his summer collection and made it just that little bit darker, added some weight to everything, and this is one of the rare occasions where I like the winter incarnation a lot more. I’m not huge about either but there’s a lot of things I’d love to wear here, the coats especially.

Up next is a reliable favourite of mine: 

Etro.

Was it REALLY necessary for you to include ALL those coats I hear you ask?

Alaska Thunderfuck as Gia Gunn voice: Absolutelyyyy.

When it comes to bohemian fashion, Etro is unbeaten. Everything is always exquisitely coordinated and styled. Like I usually fucking hate aztec print but I love the way it’s done here. I’ve never known a brand to make belts seem like such an integral, tasteful part of the outfit in a field where they so often seem like a last minute addition for the sake of accessorising; it pains me to say it, but Elie Saab, I’m looking at you. It’s your only fault. 

Yes for bringing back embroidered jeans! Yes for all those high necks! Yes for the tapestry print! Yes for the Afghan waistcoats! Etro will keep fedoras cool forever and I love them for that; I don’t know if she ever actually wore any of their stuff but I just know Stevie Nicks was in her prime would’ve ate this shit UP and she is my style icon for the ages. Plus, I might be way off base here but a lot of the collection seems to be inspired by traditional Romani style and it’s a beautiful direction to take things, a treasure trove of layers upon layers and rich textures and opulent prints.

I can’t wait til the phase of my phase of my life where I can swan around in maxi dresses and ponchos. I just hope those maxi dresses and ponchos are Etro.

Onto another brand which hasn’t had a bad show since I started my reviews: Fendi. This season, they took their late 60s/early 70s wild child aesthetic and gave a millionaire’s high maintenance wife spin on it, and what’s not to like about that? 

I mean, Fendi is a brand which is always going to excel in its F/W presentations-the rich, bohemian prints (pro-tip: if you can’t already tell, me mentioning the word bohemian in a review pretty much guarantees I like the collection), the furs, and the warm colour palette all perfectly translate into clothes suited for walks through a city going through a post-summer burnout, where it rains red and orange leaves. You can tell Silvia Fendi is in her element when she’s got texture to play with, something that comes across in the gorgeous coats Fendi consistently puts out, and this season continues that trend. Plus, there’s a lot of adorable details here-shoes that show off the decorative socks underneath, the cube shaped bags and those furry ear muffs which I hope bring about a high street muff renaissance because they’re the equivalent of slipper socks for my ears and THEY’RE ACTUALLY REALLY PRACTICAL. The only thing I’m not in love with is the mirrored glasses, and I can’t help but think how replacing them with a pair of grandad style aviators would be the icing on the cake for the collection. Maybe I just need to see Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty wearing them and then I’ll get on board. Usually works.

Ah, GCDS. I got so excited for it after last season but this time round, it was a bit of a disappointment. There were a few outfits that semi-matched up to how cutting-edge I saw their last collection, however a lot of the pieces looked pretty low quality. I get that streetwear is in the name, but it’s supposed to be a high fashion take on that, and a lot of the looks were quite pedestrian. Stand outs are the top 2 rows and the leather motocross style jumpsuit on the far right, third row down, but the quality of these pieces wasn’t consistent across the board and I feel like I ended up having to convince myself I liked some of the others just so I had enough photos to justify including the brand. It really sucks when I look back on how ahead of the game last season’s collection was-we’re talking outfits that wouldn’t be out of place on Instagram’s Tokyofashion page and as far as I’m concerned that’s the fashion holy grail. Some of these looks, especially the menswear, could be from a Boohoo TV ad and that makes me sad.

Meanwhile, Giambattista Valli put out a collection that looked like a virtual postcard of Parisian fashion; if a St-Germain-des-Prés streetwear themed Instagram doesn’t exist already, someone should capitalise on that, stat, because if my typical vision of French feminine fashion is correct it would be full of outfits like this. I feel like this is what a fashion novice EXPECTS Chanel to look like. Trust me-these days the reality is much more disappointing.

There’s many things I'm happy to see here besides the tulle and florals and prettiness I expect of the brand. Obviously the berets and the bows and the elbow length gloves are the kind of off-duty ballerina style touches I’ve become accustomed to but there are also some nice surprises here: the military style white jacket, the unexpected snake motif on clothing that’s otherwise overly delicate, and to my delight the return of the boater hat. IDGAF, this is the summer where I’m buying myself one off Ebay and making this happen for me whether they become a “thing” or not. I shouldn’t squander having this little of a double chin; the opportunity may never present itself again. 

I haven’t watched Killing Eve in a longggg time since there’s only so much of two women attempting to kill each other and then miraculously avoiding death you can watch but I’d love to see Vilanelle prancing round a city in this kinda shit slitting some necks again. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like too much of a sadist; only in a purely fictional world is this something I want to see, I assure you.

Givenchy was really, really great this season too, imo. Definitely a step up from the last RTW anyway. Aside from the drama of the exaggerated floppy brim hats and the quirky tassle detail dresses a la Schiaparelli, a lot of these outfits kinda remind me of something a Miranda Priestly/Cruella De Vil type would wear, and you know me; I’m all for that kind of intimidating, about-to-either-slap-you-or-fire-your-ass bad bitch energy. The gathered leather gloves with the androgynous subtly checkered power suits feels CORRECT and if Giambattista Valli is the bottom in this relationship, Givenchy is the top. Am I allowed to reinforce sapphic relationship stereotypes as a bi girl? Probably not. I’m sorry. Won’t do it again. Just this once. And you know I’m right really xoxo

And OMFG Gucci. Another impeccable collection for me, honestly. Once again, it’s probably my favourite of the season. How it is that Alessandro Michelle gets it SO right for me despite his vision being so bold and different every time? He has this specific brand of strange, conceptual beauty which blends past and present trends in a way so supreme it should be considered art. It’s not a term to throw around loosely but the man is a genius, and tbh I’m still not over the human head props from the 2018 F/W winter show.

In my Haute Couture week review, I talked about the Viktor and Rolf collection (which I loved, don’t get me wrong!) and said that pretty meets grunge is my fave thing ever-this is that, but much even more substantial and intelligent. The Wes Anderson-esque pieces or that late 60s/early 70s hipster aesthetic that I loved in last season’s show hasn’t been done away with either-be it the level of detail or the colour scheme, it all somehow fits together. Never did I think I’d see dresses fit for porcelain dolls through the lens of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen seamlessly slotted in between outfits that could’ve been put together from the clothing rack of Dazed and Confused’s costume department. I want it all-opulent fur-trimmed coats, crucifix jewellery and pilgrim hats I’m sure both Edgar Allan Poe and modern goths would approve of, and the tiered skirts that wouldn’t be out of place in a Westworld saloon. The models were delightfully sad and almost creepy looking and I wouldn’t change that for the world. To say 10/10 doesn’t do it justice, so I’m gonna have to open a reviewer’s can of worms and say 100/100.

Gucci is a tough act to follow, and I’m sorry it has to fall onto the shoulders of Halpern. In the nicest possible way (as if there is any nice way of saying it), I don’t think I any expected anything but a downgrade, so if anything, my standards will be lower so...Michael Halpern, you can thank me I guess? 

That was really mean, I’m sorry. It’s not a bad collection, and I definitely like it more than last season’s. It’s a slightly garish colour palette at times but an exciting one in spite of that, which when paired with the animal print dotted throughout makes this collection the perfect fit for a tropical beach party or at the very least, a semi-decent night at the Caribbean themed bar in your local town centre. The sequins and silk, a Halpern trademark, are as tastefully done as ever, and seeing them on the models, I can’t deny these are some power fits-the kind of clothes you are bound to look and feel confident in; if you wanted to play queen of the urban jungle for a night, this is what you need to be wearing.

Ah, Hermes.

Generally not one to stoke a fire inside me. In all fairness, the tailoring here is really, really nice and French biker chic, and the pieces are perfectly crafted-it’s not that I don’t like the outfits because I think that if I saw one of them individually in a natural, messier setting I’d probably be impressed. These are classy, elegant winter looks and what more could you want when you’re looking for outfit inspiration for this season? It’s just that it’s always a little too neat and uniform for me, and on the runway I like my fashion to be risky. This could almost be the sophisticated mother to a Tommy Hilfiger collection and whilst that’s something I would probably wear if I wanted to look put together, it’s not what you get excited to see at fashion week. Primary colours all together aren’t where it’s at for me either, the infamous colour scheme of the cheap plastic playhouses you’d find in the garden of every working/middle class British household back in the day. Yes, I had one. So did the after school club I was forced to attend whilst my mum was at work. Apparently the negative connotations are still too much for me (a boy I went to the after school club with did once fall off the back of one and crack his head open so maybe it’s justified).

Isabel Marant was pretty much exactly what you’d expect from Isabel Marant; if the Etro bohemian woman is one who rolls out of bed and chucks on the first thing she sees, the Isabel Marant bohemian woman is the one who claims she’s done the same thing but who actually planned it all out the night before. She designs for the gluten-free, bikram yoga Kourtney Kardashian style “hippy” who claims to be a free-spirit but would definitely not do acid with you. I was gonna say it was a collection for the Gwyneth Paltrows of the world but then I remembered Gwyneth proudly released a candle she claimed smelled like her vagina and changed my mind-she’d definitely do acid with you. 

It’s definitely a cohesive transition from the summer collection; both have that seemingly laid-back, clean-cut vibe, and cater to the rich, impeccably groomed scented candle loving woman everywhere. Obviously the pieces are a tad more suited to an alpine lodge in Switzerland than a beach in Malibu this time round, but that same mild colour palette, pretty, naturalistic patterns, and generally relaxed fit persists. It’s cute enough.

J.W Anderson is a bit of an enigma.

Despite the experimental silhouettes and the kooky details that you think would very “look at me!”, the collections still seem to have a chilled, easy-going feel to them. They toy about with the strange but remain entirely sophisticated whilst doing so-I think it’s because aside from the little quirks that make the garments J.W Anderson, they’re otherwise fairly reserved and simple; even the quirks themselves mostly tend to be exaggerated, more conceptual takes on more typical stylistic motifs anyway. Anderson has a knack for producing statement pieces that don’t look like they’re trying too hard to be statement pieces, a talent he expertly deploys at Loewe as well. Whilst Maison Margiela collections are like the fashion equivalent of that Jughead “I’m weird, I’m a weirdo” speech, J.W Anderson’s refusal to conform is quiet and modest. I like it. It’s not generally my personal style but I can admire the thought behind the work, and there are still some things I’d love to try. I have a few standouts-the shoes with the hoop detailing dancing from the ankle straps, the dress on the bottom right with what appears to be art nouveau typography on, the trench coat with the cape detailing and the gossamer dress to its right are all stunning, especially that dress. If I ever want to dress as the bubble Glinda the Good Witch descends in when she meets Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I know where to go, though I don’t suppose there’s going to be an occasion that calls for that any time soon. Can I just have the dress anyway?

Kim Shui is another new designer I found through blessed Twitter screencaps-thanks guys for doing my research for me. Much appreciated.

But anyways! Like Charlotte Knowles, it’s clear she’s still establishing her aesthetic as a designer, and thus far I love it. The whimsical, throwback prints on urban silhouettes that range from the androgynous suits of city dwelling cool girls to the amped-up sex appeal of nightclub dresses is gorgeous, especially twinned with dainty headscarfs and opera gloves-all in all I think this a very cool and wearable collection and I’m looking forward to the next collection she puts out.

Next up is Lacoste, and IDK why I always include their collections to be honest, considering they’re not really known for “high fashion”. I guess it’s because my dad has collected Lacoste shirts since I was little so I kinda have a soft spot for it and feel obligated to include it every time presentation season comes around. Yes, the outfits are unbearably preppy and the colours are garish but I feel like that’s kind of the appeal? So what if some of the tracksuits look like they could’ve been pulled out of a bad mafia movie? I see the argyle jumpers, with a bit of wear and tear, as a charity shop gem my sister would come across (she has the #Y2K Depop girl knack for finding old designer pieces in the shittiest charity shops without the audacity to try and sell them at a 70% markup) that I would then steal from her wardrobe to wear myself, contrasted with a ripped mini skirt, chains and and docs. I see the POTENTIAL of a look that is very fuck you to the rich middle age tory styling we see here. It’s punk, okay?

Lanvin was STUNNING this time around. Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching Mad Men recently and it reminds me of the fashion on that-which I hope somebody won an award for at the time BTW, it is SO fucking good-but I just adore every look here. I can’t even remember if I reviewed Lanvin’s SS20 show, and so clearly if I did it wasn’t that memorable (no shade intended), however this collection is a different story. Every single one of these outfits is iconic movie moment worthy, a 60s Cher Horowitz plaid two piece equivalent that would get screencapped and replicated ad-nauseam, all the best looks of Betty Draper and Peggy Olsen and Joan Holloway and Megan Calvet brought together and refined for the modern day woman. I might even consider sacrificing my anti-royalist principles if it meant I could transport myself back in time and switch bodies with Grace Kelly so I could make this collection my princess-off-duty wardrobe and drive around Monaco in that Bella Hadid look, roof down, all the drama of the fur trim and the gloves and hair whipping about in the wind (but in this unrealistic vision I can actually see what I’m doing and I’m not choking on random strands and swearing at Mother Nature as if she is a real entity with a personal vendetta against me).

Loewe! More J.W Anderson! I’m gonna try not to repeat myself by arsekissing too much all over again and get the good points out of the way quickly! So rapid fire: elegant! Delicious colour palette! Interesting shapes! I think I’m seeing a Victorian/Edwardian influence there! Correct me if I’m wrong! I like it! The coats are strong! Remind me of the suffragettes! But lets pretend in this case these Loewe style coat wearing suffragettes are not raging classists!

AH. Apart from that, it was a bit too austere for me. I definitely preferred Anderson’s eponymous collection; there were a fair few recurring details in this show that I couldn’t get behind that I didn’t include, in particular this bib-like black panel that just kept popping up on everything. Sorry J.W Anderson. But a 50% success rate is still good! And at the end of the day, having 2 collections on Vogue Runway at once is more prestigious than the accumulative total of every accomplishment I’ll probably ever have achieved in my life by the time I’m on my deathbed so what do I know anyway? Sigh:( At least I’ll always have the honour of having the largest head by circumference of my class in year 4, right *sweats nervously*!?!?! 

Louis Vuitton was definitely a downgrade on last season for me. There were for sure elements I liked-the Vera Wang-esuqe mixing of the tulle bustle skirts with the rougher, more masculine biker inspired vests and jackets was a cool choice, reminiscent of Gucci’s mixing of the lace dresses with harnesses. I enjoyed the baroque jackets and subtle nods to steampunk style too. Though we’ve already seen it a lot this season, the wet look coat with fur trim I can’t help falling in love with, and I’m immune to the potential ugliness of the muted blue monotone look purely on the basis I can picture Ripley from Alien in it. So like I said-it’s not as if I hated it. I guess when it comes down to it, the collection wasn’t bad so much as I just had higher hopes. I will say though, the staging was INCREDIBLE. As a history nerd, I never thought I’d see the day when a Henry the 8th lookalike actor was part of the backdrop of a Paris fashion week show-and I always thought there was no interesting career path for me in the subject!

And another big name I don’t tend to be so partial to, Maison Margiela. IDK, I did like last season but I wasn’t a fan of haute couture and it took me a while to warm to this. Call it deconstructed, experimental, whatever, but you know when you can’t decide what to wear and you’re in a rush so you kinda just throw all the shit you decided against into a pile? Well, my initial thought was that this season Margiela is kinda that, on the runway.

I will say, once I let go of my need to see a clear shape, a lot of the individual pieces were stunning (NOT the puffed up tabis though, I still can’t even get behind the regular ones). I guess I just wish they’d go for less is more with the styling because as it currently stands, it makes it hard to actually take the clothes in. 

Ultimately, one thing you can always say about Margiela, like their clothes or not, is that it has a monopoly on being effortlessly bold.

Marc Jacobs I really liked again, though I will say it doesn’t stand out quite like the S/S collection did. That was absolutely STUNNING-I can’t remember specifically where I ranked it in my top ten but I know it was at least in the top 5. This, on the other hand, is...pretty. It’s very pretty, and very put together, so I’m not saying at all that I don’t rate it. I suppose it’s just a lot simpler than I expected it to be-I don’t have a problem with simplicity, at all, especially if it’s what a brand is known for but I feel like part of the appeal with Marc Jacobs is that it’s pretty kooky. I mean, not Thom Browne or Margiela kooky, but commercial kooky at least. I feel like the kookiness is lacking here? And that’s where this feeling is coming from? And also, the fact that Lanvin tackled the same era and did it a lot better? So there’s that, too. Plus, I adore Miley Cyrus but...why? Random celebrities waking the runway just doesn’t do it for me-it always comes across as a publicity grab, as if the designer isn’t confident enough in their collection’s ability to get people talking on its own, and I suppose in this case that says it all really.

Margaret Howell was...well, Margaret Howell. She’s known for her basics, and they’re always pretty non-offensive “regulation hottie” in the words of the icon that is Damian from Mean Girls. It’s been, what, four years? More? Since I last watched that film but I’m pretty sure watching it about twenty times between the ages of 9 and 15 tattooed it on my brain. I include her because even though they don’t get my pulse racing, I like these pieces; considering the fact that expecting straight white men to ever have style on the level of barbiedrugz (his instagram is my favourite thing ever) or Rickey Thompson is ludicrous, Margaret Howell’s menswear looks are probably are the best, realistic goal for any future partner. Because I like my men dressed like Paddington bear/a depressed Brown University English lit lecturer, okay? Or in other words, Will Graham from Hannibal.

Marine Serre had a few good moments-the looks that I liked were the ones that stayed within her lane of blending the weird with the visually appealing. There were a lot of cool things going on, and I like the utility vibe (the boot with the pouch detailing and the mask are perfect examples of this done well), but outside the fits I picked out a lot of it went over my head tbh.

Marques Almeida is a show I was looking forward to-it has such a youthful, experimental quality to its collections (it’s no surprise the designers said they were influenced by the HBO show Euphoria this year!), similar to Central Saint Martins, and you can tell the designers (Marta Marques and Paulo Almeida) are based in London too; we are talking about the birthplace of the punk fashion movement, and as a designer it’s probably almost a rite of passage that you incorporate elements of that into your work. Marques Almeida does that with a flair and consistency you can count on. Their clothes don’t have the wildest silhouettes or anything like that but the fun they have playing around with print and colour and the ease and confidence with which they settle on those combinations always comes through-the black and white coat with the yellow furs trim is one of my favourite pieces from the entirety of this season’s offerings.

I wasn’t so fond of Max Mara’s SS20 collection and I'm not gonna lie, this isn’t THAT much of a step up for me personally. It’s just one of those brands I feel obligated to include because it’s talked about quite a bit but I’m not totally sure if it’s for me. Too monotone, but I’ll give it another season! And I mean, there is a slight improvement here-this collection is a lot more laid back than the stiff, austere feel of the last, and there are some very well fitted and structured pieces. A lot of the looks kinda remind me of a 2020, fashion take on The Breakfast Club’s “Basket Case”, which is kinda cool, and just from looking at the clothes, the high price tag is palpable. Also, scruffy hair club unite! Though obviously it’s intentional here! That’ll be my excuse for the next time I turn up at work looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards-Max Mara made me do it.

Ending on those words of wisdom, I’m gonna bring this post to a close, because I can’t fit any more photos in! I’m desperately hoping that I can fit this all into 3 parts like I did with my last RTW review but even if I do have to make 4 posts, I still include my top 10 shows as I did before. I hope to get that post up within the next couple of weeks! After that, I’ve shot a Lana Del Rey inspired by each of her different albums and “era”s though given last week’s events I’m on the fence about whether to post it or not, especially given her silence over the last couple of days. I’m really proud of what I’ve put together and I’ll always love her art and music (I have 2 bloody tattoos, for fuck’s sake!), so I’m trying to think how I can reconcile that with those awfully worded posts and just the general lack of awareness of bigger issues that she’s displayed the last week. JFC, being a Lana stan has always been so chilled up until now. All the very valid and important takes aside, that “Lana pls delete that post and apologise, we can’t fight the barbz all your stans are depressed” tweet is the only good thing to come out of this shitshow. He got a point. Breathing feels like effort lately:( IDK, if you’re also a Lana stan and you have any opinions on the matter, feel free to DM me, because I’m feeling pretty conflicted rn.

Most importantly though, are the issues I opened this post by talking about, and I thought I’d finish by including the thread of petitions I saw on Twitter. Like I said, a lot of them aren’t available to sign in the UK but to anyone who read up until this point (thank you!) idk where you’re reading from so maybe some of them will apply to you:

https://twitter.com/yericvIt/status/1265801832930045953

Also, while we’re at it, because every tory voting twat seems to treat our country as if it’s some beacon of hope where racism is non-existent and love to tell PoC to stop moaning about their experiences, here’s a thread of black British men and women who have lost their lives to police violence:

https://twitter.com/illh0eminati/status/1266441604170223617

Thank you for reading until the end. I hope that you enjoyed the fashion part of the post but also that if you did read this far, you read the other bits too if you didn’t know what was going on already. It seems like everyone does but you forget that Twitter’s a bit of an echo chamber and that outside of it, there’s a lot of ignorance, whether intentional or not. I know Tumblr has a similar audience to Twitter so I imagine there’s loads on here about everything going on too, but ya know. I wanted to talk about it just incase. 

Stay safe, keep fighting the good fight, and again, thank you for reading!<3

Lauren x

#fashion #fashionweek #fashion week #pfw #Paris fashion week #milan fashion week #nyfw #new york fashion week #lfw #london fashion week #aw2020 #fw2020 #style #styleinspo #style review #fashion review #high fashion #haute couture #dior #dion lee #max mara #supermodel #Bella hadid #marc jacobs #gucci #chanel #erdem #elie saab #luxury #designer

[speyeraling]

right!! so!!! here is the book that was initially meant to be for notes during my tma relisten. i decided shortly after finishing it that i wanted to use a different notebook for it (which i also made a new cover for), so the fate of this one is now... unclear. ill use it for something, im sure.

(........or itll just go in the pile with all my other unused notebooks. both possibilities are equally likely.)

that said, i did promise a process post, and at this point even though its use will most likely not be tma related, this is where ive been posting about it previously, so it is where i will continue to do so. but thats unimportant!! this post is meant to show my process of creating the book cover, not... whatever this is. again, i did not make the entire book, only the cover. i also genuinely had no idea what i was doing and just made it up as i went along. if youre looking for a post about actual bookbinding, youre probably better off looking elsewhere.

this is already getting long and will only get longer, and will also have several progress pictures, so ill put the rest under a cut!!

(please excuse the mess in these progress photos; i was in the middle of cleaning when i decided Hey Lets Drop Everything And Make A Book Cover Instead.)

so here is the initial book i started with!! it looks pretty normal, right? pretty standard soft cover book.

no.

for reasons i will likely never understand, the cover actually works like... this. the back cover is ridiculously long, folds back over on itself and all the way around to the front where it has a flap that rests behind the actual front cover. i would love to know who came up with this and why because it confuses me greatly.

so the first step was to cut that off.

well that still looks weird, doesnt it. and yet!! it was exactly what i needed. this was always the plan for this notebook, in fact. i bought it months ago with the intention of making a new cover for it. i will admit that it did get a bit out of hand though...

so onto actually making the thing. i didnt have any cardboard thick enough for the cover, but i did have several sheets of thin cardboard, and a can of spray glue.

(spray glue, by the way, is incredibly useful but also incredibly frustrating, and also probably not the best glue to use for the majority of this project, especially with how many places i had to mask and then remove the masks from to actually attach pieces. alas.)

so i glued those sheets together, cut them to size, and i had a base for each side of the book cover. you can see i also cut out a piece for the spine. i realized later that was entirely unnecessary. had i attached that piece, the spine would not have been flexible enough to allow the book to open fully. it was promptly tossed out.

next was making the inner spine of the cover. measured the spine onto a sheet of paper, added some extra space on each side to attach to the paper. there is a bit of a gap between the spine and where the covers attach – this is intentional and gives the book a bit more flexibility when opening. this is also something i had to look at an actual book to figure out, because my initial attempts were not working. this piece was attached to the inside of each cover to better fit around the edges of the book. i also added another strip of paper to the outside of the spine for reinforcement, which you can see in the first and second images.

and in the third image, you can see Spray Glue Mishap Number One.

after that was dry, it was time to cover the.. cover. my paper wasnt long enough to do a full wrap, which meant i had to do two separate pieces, which also meant i had to do a third piece for the outside of the spine. measure, cut, glue, fold the flaps down, glue those. while i used spray glue for the majority of this, i did have enough sense to use a glue roller for the flaps.

and again, measure/cut/glue with the outside of the spine. for this part i did fold the edges under themselves and glue those in place (with a glue roller) before actually attaching the piece to the cover (with spray glue) to give it a nicer, more defined edge, although i didnt take any photos of that part.

see also: Spray Glue Mishap Number Two. i tried to wipe it off with a tissue. i dont know why. it obviously did not work.

at this point the cover itself was finished, and all i had to do was attach it to the book. this was far more terrifying than it had any reason to be. 

more masking, more spray glue, and so much more anxiety later, i had attached the original covers of the book to the inside of the new cover, and i was done! the book was finished. thank god.

(as a quick note, the first page being attached to the inner cover was not a mistake on my part; that was how the book itself was made. unfortunately i couldnt really think of a good way to detach it so i just left it as-is.)

in the end i did it all over again with a second notebook, with a few modifications. since the new book itself was thinner and more flexible, i only used a single sheet of cardboard for the cover. i also did not reinforce the spine but rather just glued it directly to the spine of the actual book. i probably couldve done the same with the first book, but it wouldnt have looked as nice. the second book was much more suited to an attached spine. here are a couple phots of the one ill be using instead, as well as a comparison between the two:

at this point i have no idea how im going to decorate them. im not too worried about it – theyre functional as-is, so theres no need to make them look fancy before i start using them. ill figure something out during the course of my relisten, im sure. still, any suggestions are welcome!!

#GOD #that got. very long i am sorry #also i TRIED to get the pictures next to each other i really did but it wouldnt let me once i switched to desktop #like i could on mobile but then i was limited to ten images. so #UH i did not proofread this so hopefully it makes sense & is not riddled with typos etc lmao

[kedreeva]

Step Six: Making the Liner

The liners for the peafowl diapers are made from regular plastic food baggies. The Adult size pouch is made to fit a quart baggie and the Young size pouch is made to fit a standard sandwich baggie.

I’ve made a video of me cutting a sandwich baggie to size, and applying duct tape to the stress points for the liner (the corners and the pin points), as well as how to pin it into the diaper. I have also taken photos of the liner by itself and will do my best to describe what to do in text.

Liner Side A:

Liner Side B:

To make the liner

Cut the edges of the sandwich baggie to 1/3 of the way down, and fold down one side’s flap. Tape it down.

Turn the baggie over and cut a U shape into the other side, about a third of the way down the diaper (this will be pinned to the flap piece side of your diaper, so you can use that as a guide). The flap arms of the liner should not be thicker than the flaps of your pouch, but need to be wide enough that safety pins won’t be ripped out easily. I also leave the first bit of the hard plastic seal line at the tips of the arms, to give it some integrity.

Add duct tape per instructions below

The duct tape pieces should be placed:

At the corners on either side where the plastic has been folded over (this is a MAJOR stress point and the liner will slide out of place easily without the duct tape being there)

At the antapex of the U (the bottom), where you will be pinning it to the diaper.

At the center top edge of the folded over side, where you will be pinning it to the diaper.

And to tape the folded over side in place. Leaving the top edge intact on that side helps to give the diaper a bit of structural integrity while being worn, so that the liner doesn’t bunch up inside the diaper.

And here is the liner pinned in place:

To pin the liner in, pin the pins in the number order above- first pin goes in between where the straps connect to the pouch, #2 & #3 get pinned, making sure that the U section is flush, and then pin #4 in place last.

Pins #1 and #4 should have their heads out the OUTSIDE of the diaper so that they do not get filthy. Pins #2 and #3 should have their heads on the INSIDE of the diaper, so the bird cannot undo them.

Here are some photos of the pins from the outside:

While you CAN use four 1.5″ safety pins, I’ve found that using two 1.5″ for the pouch pins and two 1.25″ safety pins for the flap pins works better- the 1.25″ ones don’t stick out so the birds mess with them less.

Additional Notes on Use and Cleaning

Peafowl waste is often very watery, and you will have a LOT better time if you place some paper towel in the bottom of the liner before applying it. We tear a full piece of paper towel in half, and then make 4 strips from each half, stack them, and shove them flat into the bottom.

This should be able to absorb roughly 8 hours of liquid waste from them, but depending on when you apply the diaper, the solid waste will build up too much for 8 hours. As I stated in the beginning of this tutorial, waiting to apply the diaper until after their big, solid morning poop they do 20-30 minutes after waking up (or changing the diaper afterward) allows the liner/diaper to last a lot longer. To give you an idea of what to expect, this is approximately 10 hours (6:30am to 4:30pm, my work hours) of waste from a 9 month old hen, after waiting to apply the diaper:

Liners can be one-use, but they’re a bit of a pain in the butt to make. I have found that if you use and change out the paper towels and then carefully turn the diaper inside out, you can hand-rinse the liner in the sink and reuse the same one for a few days. This also helps cut plastic waste down. This is what a liner typically looks like post-use, post-padding removal, and pre-wash:

As you can see, it’s not too bad (though an ill bird may have messier poops, so changing the liner more may be better). Bonus, solid waste will sit on top of the paper towel, so if you want it for compost, it’s really easy to acquire this way.

#peafowl diapers #liners #Please do not reblog this #I am making a master post shortly

[ruiojousama]

Rockstar! Cor x Loqi AU

This has long been in our prompts. Collaborating with @moonraccoon-exe​ for this is one of the best things ever!

It took me quite a while to post this, but I hope you guys enjoy this extremely long (but fuilfilling) read and the illustrations! 

Headcanons:

First things first: Rockstar!Corqi. Aye.

Not so surprisingly, our Loqi is a self-proclaimed NUMBAH ONE FAN; but he is in hiding ‘cause of his family standing. Can’t really have his parents catch him being a rock/metalhead now, can he?

Loqi is, as usual, the son of a high-society family. His entire life revolves around high-society stuff (parties, school, friends, etc.). Hence why it would be ludicrous and scandalous if he was to come out as enjoying of such things like rock and metal bands (people in tight leather pants, piercings, tattoos, and crazy haircuts, sweating and screaming and singing and jumping on a stage with a bunch of noisy screeching smelly mentally ill teens that apparently hit each other as a hobby? EW, SOOOOO UNREFINED AND SAVAGE!).  

Guess Loqi enjoys that sort of music both just because he connects with it, and because usually rock & metal tend to be aggressive. So it’s sorta perfect for him to vent his own aggressiveness through it. 

Besides, he could NEVER talk about it to anyone; not only is that music unaccepted and seen as unrefined and savage among his family and social circles, it just so happens that his favorite artist is a Lucian. Loqi could NEVER IN LIFE talk about such a HORRIBLE thing! 

((Niflheim and Lucis aren’t at war, but there’s still that tension/arrogance from the high-class Nifs to look down on the Lucians))But despite the secrecy, he has like, 20 posters of him and his band. Photo albums and newspaper clippings.

Loqi has a secret /panic/ room where he hides everything. Sometimes sleeps in it, hugging a custom dakimakura (A/N: I’m laughing cos I remember Matt Mercer and his dakimakura in Critical Role  [Coon here: LMAO OMG RUI XD]).

Posters, photo albums, newspaper clippings, magazine covers, his Cor dakimakura (...I mean we can’t blame him), heck, Loqi probably has the goddamn action figurines. Or nitotans and custom plushies. 

Let’s talk about Cor. Rockstar Cor.

Cor in even more/more stylish black clothes. Cor….WITH EYELINER. 

  Cor sings. You wouldn’t believe it from him because he may come off as too serious, but Cor has ONE DAMN GOOD VOICE, especially for the rock/metal genre.  

Cor’s actually a good performer; as in, he doesn’t just have the voice, he does great on the stage too. Public never grows bored. 

Can we imagine a smirking singing Cor that’s sweaty from the 1.40 hours of concert and the spotlights, thank you. 

Cor is sexy. And he KNOWS THAT. 

Being a musician since like age 20, Cor has gone the ages being praised and adored by the public both as a musician and due to his looks. 25 years into the praise, you can tell someone’s raising some ego (A/N: You know, like Hyde or godsdamn Gackt).

Now the juicy part of this; the story.

Cor and his band are going to tour and they opened some dates in different Niflheim cities. 

Let me say that again in Loqi language.

COR AND HIS BAND ARE COMING HERE OHMFYGODAJW DNJDSJFN CORANDHISBANDARECOMINGINEEDTOGO OH GODS HELP ME IAMSOFUCKEDTHISISTHEBESTDAYOFMY/L I F E/

Loqi has luck he has that safe room, he has somewhere to scream without freaking his parents out.Loqi bought the tickets as soon as they were available.Loqi is seated on his chair, like both hands and feet on it like a damn gargoyle, intensely staring at the computer screen’s clock, so he can SMASH THAT REFRESH BUTTON as soon as midnight hits so he can be the very FIRST to get a ticket for the concert.HE. HAS. TO. GO. 

He KNOWS it’s going to be so hard because of his situation. His parents are strict and picky, they won’t let him out so easily, even less if he doesn’t have a good explanation, he’s keeping all this thing a secret, he just can’t say he goes to a concert, and besides, going out of the house is only the beginning; once out, he has to make it away of home without being seen by ANYONE (the only time when having security cameras AND guards AND dogs become a problem), and once away of home, he could be seen by ANYONE in the streets; his schoolmates are often out on friday and weekend nights clubbing, the concert is going to be in one of the clubbing areas, he could run into ANYONE, heck he could run into anyone that knows him DURING THE CONCERT ITSELF, and THEN he has to make it back home with the same secrecy. It’s giganormous quantities of problems.

….but HE HAS TO GO OR HIS NAME IS NOT GODDAMN LOQI FUCKING TUMMELT.

It’s a once in a lifetime chance, he can’t miss seeing his favorite artist/band live! Who knows when, or IF they will ever come back to Nif again!

Going to the concert actually proves much easier than expected.

His parents don’t check his room at night, and he locks it anyway; he goes out through a window, and maybe convinces a guard to help him out (“I’m not going to do anything bad, I’m just...going to...go see...see someone” because Loqi would VERY much rather his family think he’s dating someone than knowing he went to a rock concert [the guard was all winks and smiles like “Aaaaaaah, THAT stage of youth. I used to do this for your father too you know”   “EEEW, too much info! >:(“]) 

Loqi darling goes around in his most “peasant” clothing, which includes a hoodie, and wears a mouth mask to hide at least half his face.

And finally, without much trouble, Loqi arrives in the concert.

He was early so he could be as close to the front as possible.You should have seen him when the lights went off and the band came out; he went HYSTERICAL

Composed, high-class, serious and ice-cold Loqi, suddenly losing his shit, bouncing on his feet, and shrieking out, waving his concert lighters they hand out at the entrance.aSdsdlfjalksdsad jesus christ I’m loving this so much ahahahah (A/N: SAME COONIE SAME)

You should have seen his face when he saw Cor. *Eyes all gleamy and mouth a bit open like he was a believer seeing his god right in front of him. Full of absolute ADORATION and fan-to-idol love....Loqi may or MAY NOT have gotten a bit teary eyed DON’T JUDGE HIM.((Pls understand him, Loqi’s not very comfy at home due to all the restrictions and he’s been fan of this band for YEARS and he has literally NO ONE to talk to about them or the music, and it’s music that speaks straight to and about his most intimate feelings.))

 And now he’s right in front of them. Of course he would get a bit emotional after years of bottling frustration up <33

Loqi DOES have a little problem, though. 

He is. Too. SHORT.

He’s very close to the front, he was actually on the very first row, but most people, especially male, are much taller than him, so he was forced out and sent a few rows back. Even the people that don’t mean to take advantage of his size can be troubles, as they’re bumping into him, pushing, even crushing the poor thing. 

And don’t get me wrong, Loqi has (a bit too aggressively) pushed people too, and he’s in amazing physical conditions. It’s just the height, dammit.

You know, the  band are known for being super friendly with the fans, both on and off stage. On stage, they’re known for ALWAYS bringing multiple people on stage at different moments of the concert. 

Oh, so this is surely the “I’m going to bring someone on stage and, oh surprise, I just made eye contact with the story’s other protagonist, who I happen to find angelically BEAUTIFUL, so I’ll bring this person on stage and we just fell in love and I’ll kiss them” story, right?

WRONG. 

Loqi DOES come “on stage” of sorts….after ALMOST DYING.

There was a moment of the concert,  you know, everyone is so hyped and ecstatic and they’re having fun, so it just happens the crowd starts calling for a Death Wall (you know, crowd parts in two, and then both parts RUN TO EACH OTHER so they can crash and the HARDCORE SLAM BEGINS). There is a REASON it’s called the DEATH wall lmao

So dear Loqi and some other fans, mostly the younger ones, among Death Wall and slam, they end up a bit scared, injured, or like in Loqi’s case and more dangerously, falling down.Cor and his band may get a bit too much into the fun sometimes, but they’re good people and they care about their fans’ wellbeing above the fun or the fame or the music itself.

So of course Cor STOPS THE ENTIRE CONCERT.

BECAUSE SURE HE'S RIGHT NEXT TO HIS IDOL BUT IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN LIKE, LIKE, LIKE...LIKE   T  H  I  S

And he’s like “WOAH OKAY CHILL PEOPLE, CHILL, WAIT A MINUTE, SOME PEOPLE FELL AND IF YOU DON’T TAKE IT EASY YOU’LL END UP HURTING THEM, OKAY, BE CAREFUL” and while most people stop, there’s some idiots (because there’s ALWAYS some stupid idiots) that don’t, so Cor has security go check on the people that fell and/or are injured.

And THAT’S the story of how Loqi got to be on stage with his favorite band!For like 30 seconds. Unconscious. In the arms of some buffy security guy. That crossed the stage only to get this boy to backstage. Lmao. Loqi-ly, dear angry blond pup wasn’t injured, just knocked out. He wakes up backstage...AND HE JUST /FREAKS OUT/SO MUCH--

Loqi wakes up after the concert is over and the band has already come backstage to chill.So all that Loqi knows is that some stupid idiot elbowed him in the face, he was knocked out, and he’s waking up in this strange wide room he’s never seen before in his life and how did he get there anD COR FUCKING LEONIS IS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-YOU CAN’T BLAME HIM FOR FREAKING OUT.

So Loqi’s natural reaction is to gasp and then yelp shortly, and shoot up on his feet and points at Cor and he screams “YOU’RE COR LEONIS!!!” because pointing out the obvious is apparently the natural reaction to seeing something obvious. 

So Cor finds it amusing and laughs and makes some comment about how “why yes I think I am” and about how he’s “always pleased to meet a fan.”And ooooh BOI, Loqi’s having NONE OF THAT.

Loqi for SOME REASON thinks it’s embarrassing and humiliating that someone else knows that he’s Cor’s fan, and it makes no sense because the one that knows is COR HIMSELF, but Loqi’s still this stubborn, difficult little shit and for SOME REASON he gets all worked up and isn’t happy to meet him, he’s just plain upset and tries to pretend this isn’t like the DREAM OF HIS LIFE.AND THEN HE TRIES SO HARD TO CONTAIN HIS FEELS HE BLURTS OUT RUDE THINGS TO COR

“Damn you look older up close—“

"Geez, chill, relax, you're safe now"

"SAFE? I WAS SAFE ON MY OWN, I WAS NOT- I DIDN'T EVEN- I'M NOT EVEN YOUR FAN"

"what"

"YOU HEARD ME, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE." 

"then why were you here in the first-"

"WHAT DO YOU cARE OHMYGOD STOP HARASSING ME”

Maybe Cor also teases him and the little Loqi realizes how douchebag this idol of his is BUT HE CAN’T DO NO SHIT HE STILL LOVES HIM 

And Cor's like--whoa first time he encounters a fan who kinda hates him? (does that even make sense wtf).Like, he’s met haters and fans, but this is a fan that hates him and holy moogles is that even possible? How do you love someone by hating them how does it work Cor doesn’t understand. 

And he’s sorta puzzled you know. Because Loqi’s wearing a wristband of the band, he was at the concert very close to the front, and he recognized Cor immediately. So he IS a fan. But he behaves so unlike any other fan Cor has ever met in the past 25 years of career; he’s met people that scream and cry out of excitement, some that clap and smile, many that ask for photos, some that are very timid and don’t even talk at all, he’s met some that have even cried….but he’s NEVER ever before encountered a fan like this.

Loqi is calling him names, pointing out rude things or making up some comments just to be rude, he’s freaking out at the slightest comment or movement from Cor, BUT he also burns red in the face, BUT he’s also walking in circles yelling “WHERE IS THE GODDAMN DOOR I WANNA LEAVE NOW THANKS”. Loqi is the rarest and a very unique one-in-among-literally-everybody-else fan…...And hoh OH BOI LOQI, GOOD LUCK,  THE IMMORTAL JUST GOT VERY, VERY CURIOUS

And then after that concert the universe just fucks them up and the two had to meet in accident. A lot.

“Oh, it’s the midget from the concert—”

“SHUT UP YOU TALL DARK AND HANDSO---HANDS OFF MY POODLE--(cos yeah maybe loqi is walking his dog)

For some reason, Loqi attracts danger because for some reason we all creators apparently like to injure him a lot lmao

And for his luck, Cor joins to save the day! /o/ 

Like, I don’t know, some assault. And precious tsundere sunshine is shoved into an alleyway with the poodle (not the poodle!) while he was trying to get Cor off him, so that’s the two in troubles.Luckily, both manage to get rid of troubles, but Loqi takes a bad hit to the head that plain knocks him out.

And when he wakes up, Cor STUPID Leonis is sitting RIGHT THERE BESIDES HIM.IN HIS ROOM.

"Well. Good morning, Sleeping Beauty"

"..what"

"Took you quite a while. Don't worry, you didn't need stitches."

"...is this my room?"

"Well, yeah."

"How did you know where I- THAT IS HARASSMENT AND I COULD- SUE YOU  YOU PERVERTED- OLD MAN, HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!?"

"Well, you were knocked out, and I checked your wallet for some info, your parents' number or something"

"YOU CALLED MY PA-"

"And I saw your address in your ID so. Sorry for...invading your privacy, it's just your house was closer than the hospital and it wasn't a bad hit so---"

"DO MY PARENTS KNOW YOU'RE HERE OHMYGOD"

"Well yeah someone had to open the door. Nice posters, by the way."

Because by the time Loqi notices, apparently while he was knocked out Cor found his panic room where he has ALL his Cor merchandise. All the Cor posters. The action figures. The CDs. E v e r y t h i n g.*insert Loqi screaming internally*

And Cor being the nice guy he offers to sign those unsigned posters of him

"...is that my face on that pillo-"

"nO!!!"

"well THAT'S definitely me on that pillow, where did you get that? You sleep with it?"

"NO I BEAT CRICKETS AND BEDBUGS WITH IT---OF COURSE IT'S A PILLOW WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA USE IT FOR--!"

"...so you want me to sign-? :)"

"yeh :'("

Loqi half-gives up. Cor found his panic room, there’s no way he can lie anymore to this stupid handsome jerk. So Loqi just sits on his bed hugged to a pillow, face buried in it, while Cor comes in and out of the panic room bringing the most interesting merchandise he finds. Laughing. Asking over and over if he “signs this”, “this one too?”, “maybe this one, this one is cute.” 

Lmao, Loqi’s parents, though.Because Cor has to leave at some point, he has to walk out the main door, and for that he has to come out of Loqi’s room, so it’s just unavoidable, the Tummelts meeting Cor.

“You have a nice house, thanks for receiving me.”

“Yeah...uh...thanks for taking our son home…”

“Fine, fine, keep going, Leonis.”

“So, you is this man your friend, Loqi?”

“N-NO! OF COURSE NOT, NO!”

“...so do you know him?”

“NO! I MEAN- yeah, but, not like know-know him, he’s- no! Let’s just leave, dammit.”

“...would you like to stay for dinner?”

“HE WOULDN’T.”

“I’d love to! :D”

It’s not that Loqi’s parents like him. It’s that they’re trying to figure who this man is and if they should call the police.He looks like a Lucian. What is their pureblood, noble, high society, beautiful Nif son doing hanging with...this...black leather-dressed, eyeliner “hobo” of a Lucian.((Hey, hey, Tummelt mama and papa, those clothes are rockstar, ROCKSTAR, not “hobo” >:( ))How does the romance start, though, huh. HUH. IDEAS. LET’S MAKE AN IDEA RAIN.

But in the end, even Cor charms both Loqi’s parents with his wit. 

And Loqi, regardless of all the embarrassment, is blushing, happy and giddy. 

THANK YOU FOR READING!

#corqi #cor leonis #loqi tummelt #cor x loqi #loqi #cor #ffxv #coonie's awesome writing #leonis #tummelt #corxloqi

[officialjameelajamil]

I weigh

Today is my 32nd birthday.

This is the best birthday I’ve ever had because I’ve woken up to thousands of women sending me pictures and messages about the things they love about their lives, and the things they have done that they are most proud of. This has been going on for days now.

I was scrolling through “explore” on Instagram (always a certified mine field for one’s self esteem) and came across this disastrously damaging picture.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A group shot of grown women with their respective weights posted across each of their bodies, and the post asking what we think of their weights and then asking its followers, “What do you weigh?”

WHO CARES? What kind of crazed toxic nonsense is this? What is this post trying to achieve other than to induce anxiety into young women about something so entirely irrelevant? What are we teaching women about our value? Can it be measured using a metric system? Why do so many posts like this exist on social media? How is anyone supposed to get through the fucking day happy with themselves when we are given such unreasonable and shallow goals to achieve, falling short of which, no matter who we are, what we do, how many lives we save, how many children we raise, how many people’s lives we touch, we are not worth anything.

I snapped. I am just done. I’m so done with seeing this and letting it pass me by. It’s so dangerous and disgusting. It’s so belittling and abusive. We are subliminally bullied all day by the magazines, the side bar of shame, social media, and by each other. The onslaught is so aggressive that we are going to have to retaliate with 10 times the strength to undo all of the damage to the global psyche of women. So I posted this:

A small ode to the brilliant life that I am so lucky to live, that I built by myself from scratch, to the friends I am so lucky to have and to my self worth. This is how I measure myself. What I did, how I made people feel and how much I have enjoyed myself. It has taken me 10 years to get to the realisation that I am worth more than the digits on a measuring tape. And more importantly, the push back against body shaming shouldn’t just be about how much we love our flaws, it should be about something that isn’t really about the body at all. Self acceptance is important. But we deserve more than acceptance. Let’s step as far away from the conversation about our bodies as possible and make acclaim, integrity, achievement, contribution to society and kindness: Values worth shouting about again.

I posted it on twitter, and within an hour women started sending me their own ones. There were too many to keep track of. It happened so fast. The pictures were amazing. None of them were posed and filtered, nobody was contoured to within an inch of their life, or sucking anything in. It was women living their lives, writing down all of the things they were grateful for and proud of. All of the degrees they have, the babies they made, the cancer they beat or are fighting, their families they love, the disabilities they live with or help with, the relationships they have built, the companies they started. Just women waking up and remembering that they are valuable, and they do important, difficult, incredible things. Things that are more than just achieving the perfect lip liner, losing baby weight quickly or being able to EAT PIZZA WHILST AT A LINGERIE PHOTOSHOOT!!! (WOWWEE!)

Here are some of my favourites:

Women of every size and shape and age and background sent me their declarations of self love and clapped back at the shame they have been drenched in their whole lives. We are attacked by this beast our WHOLE DAMN LIVES. Bemused parents are writing to me that social media has their 8 year olds talking about diets and what they dislike about their tiny growing bodies. We are facing an epidemic of self hatred. Instagram while sometimes an amazing way for us to share, is in many ways, hurtling us at light speed towards the demise of what the suffragettes were building.

We lack focus because we are concentrating on the wrong things. Most of the women I know wake up much earlier than men to get ready, and spend much of their time and money on complete nonsense like manicures and pedicures, hair treatments, and waxing. Women bleach their bumholes. THEY BLEACH THEIR BUMHOLES. This is how far we have gone with our pursuit of perfection, that we are no longer satisfied with the natural colour of an area almost nobody in the world will ever see. We have to be thin, but with big breasts and bottoms, gravity free, spotless, hairless, ageless, light skinned but always with a year round sun kissed glow; we must be fun and eat pizza and drink beer but also completely cellulite free and we must all have tiny noses and enormous eyes and lips but with skinny faces, but our skinny faces must never look gaunt and old.

And after all this, and after all the work we do, that we do as much of as men, ON SUBSTANTIALLY fewer calories than we probably need, we get judged more and paid less anyway.

NO. I’m sorry but at some point something has to give. We have to object. We have to do it together. Rather than just complaining about it, lets fill the void of sense with some perspective and some regard for the lives we are so lucky to live. An education is a luxury and a beautiful thing, not afforded to millions of women in the world. Bringing children into the world and raising them to be happy and healthy and kind is a great achievement, that literally builds the world. Surviving illness and war and trials of mental health makes a warrior out of you. Fighting for the rights of those who have no voice is heroic and important. Reading and writing and filling yourself with knowledge makes you so much more fun to spend the day with. Travelling and being independent and supporting yourself is the sign of a woman in control of her life.

We spend our lives in pursuit of the approval of others when we don’t yet even really approve of ourselves. My opinion of me is now (and only very recently) the one that matters.

I remember being 15, miserable and so relentlessly disappointed in myself, thinking it didn’t matter that I had a full academic scholarship and that I had a job and good grades, a Grade 8 in piano and I was a good kid, because my hip bones didn’t jut out, I had a round face and my thighs were forever touching. I was taught nothing else mattered. And that my fat covered up my achievements. I am so, so aware of the damage the media does to a vulnerable mind, it ruined the first 20 years of my life.

I found this really sad old drawing I did of myself when I 16, with what I felt I had to look like in order to be accepted by girls at school, and society in general.

I can’t sit by and read the messages of self hatred that teenage girls send me, about how they hate themselves for not looking like Victoria’s Secret models. I can’t watch what happened to me, happen to them.

I hereby call out every newspaper run by a man that shames women about their appearance.

I hereby call out journalists who write passive-aggressive shaming articles about weight gain and congratulatory ones about women who lose weight.

I hereby MASSIVELY call out celebrities who don’t document what it takes for them to look the way they do. If you have had surgery, say something. If you have a strict diet and workout regime, say something. It is UNFEMINIST to push an image that was created in the fantasy lab of the patriarchy, essentially that of a sex doll, to other women, and pretend that it comes naturally to you, and that junk food and lying down in expensive hotel suites is what keeps you beautiful. You have a platform and have to use it responsibly.

I hereby call out the fashion industry for STILL after 10 years of being called out, perpetuating the idea that expensive clothing only looks good on stick thin, barely pubescent girls. (None of whom can afford your bloody clothes)

I hereby call out the women who troll other women online about their appearances.

I hereby call out the trolls that live in our own heads and eradicate all of our achievements and shower us in self-doubt and loathing.

In this uprising of female power we must realise we are being set absurd extra goals, thick and fast. The further we come as a gender, the more ridiculous the ideals we have to fulfil become. We are being distracted and exhausted and our eyes are being taken off the ball. Every minute you spend thinking about how thin or gorgeous you aren't, is a minute you aren’t spending on growing your business or your life.

I’m not saying it’s not important to watch out for your health. I’m not saying your BMI isn’t something to pay attention to. I do think it’s important to try to be active and put good food into your engine. But I also think the shame and feeling of failure is what drives us to the unhealthy eating habits we acquire to “comfort” us when we feel inferior and depressed. It’s a catch 22.

And by all means take pride in your appearance. Enjoy your looks, and your clothes and your sex appeal, but don’t make it your number one concern and selling point. It can be in your top ten, but it should never, ever define you. It isn’t important. We aren’t supposed to all look the same. And nothing good ever comes of self hatred. It will never further you. It will always hold you back.

Please think of the things in your life that you are proud of, that fulfil you, that make you happy and write them down somewhere, and look at that list every time you feel that you are failing, or that your jeans are tight, or you have a chubby arm in a group photo of a night out, or when you watch a video of a Hadid eating pasta.

Please remember you have every right to be here, and your life is important and it is precious, and on your death bed you aren’t going to be thinking about your love handles.

I love women and we deserve so much more than this. We can do better. We have to.

We can win the revolution against shame.

#blog

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #193

“i’m stronger than i ever knew; i’m strong because of you.”

What’s one item the dollar store is good for? Candy. What’s the last thing you made out of construction paper? A "cover" for Sara's first V-Day present. What’s the last thing that inspired you? I'm not sure, really. Probably some video. Are you a daredevil? No. What’s one thing you are lazy about? Cleaning. Do you prefer tea to be cold or hot? Tea is a no from me. Do you ever get annoyed by the stupid decisions characters make in books? Not really annoyed, seeing as making mistakes is sometimes a necessity to the plot, but I'm more like, "no one would ever do that irl," especially in the horror genre. What’s one thing that’s annoying you about the book you’re reading now? N/A What’s the most boring thing about your life right now? You would almost assume I'm under house arrest because I can never leave my fucking house. What could make your life more interesting? Being in school, have a job, or have Sara live here. Name someone you know who is truly happy. My nephew. He's only two, but. I have never seen a happier human being. Do you have trouble letting friends go when you need to? It depends. Do you have trouble letting things go? Depends as well. How cluttered is your apartment/house/room? My room's decent, but the majority of the house is kinda messy or just unorganized. Do you have any antique furniture? No. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a purse? Idk, certainly not much. Where would be the most fun place to do a 24 hour challenge in, do you think? Probably an amusement park. Would be creepy as fuck at night too, and I'd liiive for it. What’s something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t got around to yet? A lot... like resume studying German. I haven't decided to yet because I question the real usefulness of it; I want to go to Germany, but that may never happen, and I could probably manage just enough with what I know. It may end up just being wasted time and effort. What was the best class trip you have ever been on? 5th grade visit to the zoo. Did you have your own room as a child? No, I shared it with Nicole. Maybe Ashley was with us for a while before being given her own room? Idr. Have you ever shared a room? See above, then with Jason in the old apartment. If so, was having a roommate hard for you? As a young kid, Nicole and I liked sharing a room, but as I especially got older, I really wanted my own. With Jason, no. Do you own a lot of clothes that don’t fit you anymore? Yes, some I hope to shrink back into or are just stored for nostalgia. Where do you donate old clothes? Goodwill and some other place idr. Do you enjoy antique stores? Oh. My. God. Yes. What are five things you inherited from your mom? Somewhat slower metabolism I think, depression, are seasonal allergies genetic?, height, and hair thickness. What are five things you inherited from your dad? PACING, this little short huff-ish laugh thing he does at the end of some sentences, no common sense whatsofuckingever, and enjoying games. Do you enjoy grocery shopping? Noooo. Do you enjoy clothes shopping? Only at stores I like, and if I don't have to try things on. Do you own footie pajamas? Omg nooooo, haven't since I was a kid. They had to be so uncomfortable. Which America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer performance was your favorite? I haven't seen/remember enough. Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I did religiously until Sharon left. If you were to host a '90s party, which 3 shows would you like to run? That '70s Show, Full House, and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. What was your favorite thing you collected as a child? Webkinz. I was that one kid who had dozens. Whose house was your first sleepover at? My first best friend, Brianna's. If you had a daughter, would you allow sleepovers? Of course with girls, but I probably wouldn't allow a boy to stay overnight until she was at least 16 due to the risk of her getting pregnant. Which do you like better, your first name or your middle name? My first. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Oh, video games and TV shows definitely have. There must be plenty of other things, but. Blanking. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? N/A; I wouldn't enjoy an extreme lack of work, but definitely some time to like wander around the Internet and such. Having too little would be super boring, and I'd feel very unproductive. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I felt horrible when I found out Mom's been legitimately uneased before because of how loudly I can scream at Bentley and/or Teddy when I'm really pissed. I've been working on it since then. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) Above all, I need to be reminded that you love me, that you're not leaving (unless of course there's good reason to), AND THAT MY ILLNESSES AREN'T BECOMING TOO OVERWHELMING. As well, with how I physically am now, I need to know that my weight doesn't bother you. That's all I can think of atm. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I admit I speak before I think and can be very snappy and sarcastic. I become extremely pessimistic and cry easier than I already do. My stability in general is very fragile when I'm struggling. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? WEANING. I never would've survived dropping soda (for the time I did) if I hadn't weaned down. Well, quitting meat cold turkey during my vegetarian phase was easy, but most things, I'd still say weaning. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I wouldn't want huge dogs due to so much energy, nor would I want arachnids or insects. Or fish because they bore me so it just feels like a total chore to clean the tank. I wouldn't want most birds due to all the noise. Also not interested in blood pythons, as they're notorious for being aggressive. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yup. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't think so for either. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Achieve complete financial comfort. If I don't, after how I've grown up, I will be borderline (if not seriously) devastated and disappointed in myself. I also put immense pressure, an amount I know is unhealthy, on myself about losing weight, and if I don't achieve that, I don't know what I'd do. I've worked and still work so hard to. If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? In the beginning of mine and Jason's relationship, it was casually mentioned I didn't want children while he did, but we didn't worry about that at the time as we had a long time to figure that out. I later decided I wanted kids together, anyway... Would you ever believe I wanted three back then???? If you have favorite names or names picked out for your children, where did you learn of the names or when did you fall in love with them? I can't remember where I heard Alessandra, but I immediately thought it was gorgeous. I fell in love with Damien because of fucking Mayor Damien from Who Killed Markiplier? Yes, I would absolutely name my son after a Markiplier character, fight me about it. What is one item that you have recently been coveting? Do you think that you will actually get it? Why/why not? A new laptop more than anything... and soon. Dad's working on it as a Christmas + birthday present. Do you still have both of your parents? They're alive, but divorced. Do you like being sensually bitten? UGGGHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. If you wear eyeliner, what color do you use? Only ever black. How many colors are in your hair right now? One, but with natural highlights and undertones. Do you have your full license yet? No. Working on it. Are you into gory movies? If the gore is a realistic amount. Have you ever been locked in a room forcefully without anyone knowing? No. Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No. Does your significant other boss you around a lot? No. Have you ever been drunk? If so, do you get drunk regularly? No. Do you consider yourself a loner or a social butterfly? A loner, but I'm sincerely trying to branch out at least some. Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Yes. What is your favorite online smiley face to you? I like ;v; but rarely use it because people can't seem to decide if it's an extremely happy and teary face (what I see) or a sad one???? What is something that freaks you out no matter what? OH GOD thought of this because I passed a video of a pregnant sphynx on FB today. I. Cannot. See a fetus moving from the outside of its mother's stomach. It absolutely, thoroughly horrifies me to the point I may scream. It's one of the million reasons, if not the main reason, I never want to be pregnant and why I say pregnancy would likely traumatize me, especially feeling it. Are the lights in your room more dim or bright? I'd say my ceiling lamp is a tad dimmer? Do you take a lot of photos? No. I'd take far more "photography" pictures if I actually had things to and a way to get around... When you were little, did you think band-aids healed everything? Maybe? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? A completely unrealistic one. I just missed my period one month, I guess out of stress, a change in meds, something like that, and I was panicking that it was a pre-cum pregnancy, even with protection (aka, thin underwear, which sperm can't travel through). I was an anxious mess until my period did come around. Anxiety is fun. Do you have freckles? If so, do you enjoy them or hate them? I don't. Where do you download music from? YouTube. Do you have a laptop, desktop or both? A laptop. If you have a job, do you work with any of your friends? Do you like that job? N/A When did you last look in a mirror? Last time I was in the bathroom. What are you most known for? Probably that I'm very reserved and anxious. What was the last movie you bought for yourself to watch? I don't think I've ever bought a movie myself. If you have any animals, do any of them live in the house with you? They all do. Would you rather have curly or straight hair? Straight. What is one thing you think is gross about the human body? Sweating. Ever make a friendship bracelet for someone? As a kid. Would you say you have extreme morals? "Extreme" seems a bit far, but I have rather strict ones. What have you been made fun of for the most? I've been teased by so many people, family especially, about how I stay on the laptop or am on my phone, and I fucking hate it. Seriously, don't bring it up. I have reasons. Do you watch any television shows from other countries? I don't watch any TV shows currently. Who is your most favorite television/movie villain? Television... probably a character I can't say as their position of being a villain is a massive spoiler of the show. Or Fullmetal Alchemist's Envy, especially in Brotherhood. Movie, Dark Alessa from the first Silent Hill. Have you ever been stabbed by something? A pencil. Maybe other things. Well, do piercings, tattoos, or shots count? How many pillows do you normally sleep with? Two. When you have chocolate, do you eat it room temperature? Or are you like me and stick the bar into the fridge first? I like it room temperature. Chilled doesn't sound all that appealing. What’s the most shocking thing that’s happened in your part of town? Idk, maybe a murder or something? Are there any constellations you recognize just by looking at them? The Little or Big Dipper, idk which is which. Which insect do you find the most beautiful? Butterflies! Do you like gardening? If so, what do you grow? No. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one’s your favorite? Yeah, probs Sudoku. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? Teaching, to name just one. What’s the weirdest building in your city? *shrugs* Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? No. Which Disney villain is your favorite? Probably Scar. Or Hades, I loved his character. Which possession would you not want to inherit from a relative? I dunno. Fancy china or some shit I'll never use or break. Is there an ex you think about every day? You know... maybe Jason. Tiny things will trigger quick memories/thoughts about him a lot of days, maybe actually most, I guess as a PTSD thing. He played such a huge part of my life and drastically changed it, so it's hard not to. I don't give him deep thought or anything and they're typically emotionless; just for example, if I heard Motionless In White, my head would immediately connect them to him as his favorite band, then the thought's over. AND I JUST WANNA SHARE BECAUSE I'M PROUD AS FUCK that today was our anniversary date, and this is the first year I feel zero pain or attachment to it. Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? No. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Probably some evil shit I said in that letter to Dad. Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed last night? Sara. When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? I talked briefly with Girt a few days back. Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? Jason did. Who was the last person to annoy you? My stepmother with the stupid political shit she shares on Facebook. I love her a whole lot, but oh my god. I regret even adding her. Do you have any text messages that you don’t want other people to read? I wouldn't be mortified or anything, but there's some I want private nevertheless. Which room in your house tends to be the coldest in the winter time? The laundry room, the first room of the house from the backdoor. There's no AC in there, and because there's a draft with the door, it gets cooooold. What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also Why) I won't be financially stable. That's all I've known so far, and the stress of it is unbelievable. What criminal (dead or alive) would you like to sit down and talk to and why? None. What is the most interesting documentary have you watched? Meerkat Manor. :') Where is your brother? In Tennessee. Last person you cussed at? At? Not in the presence of? Uh, I think I playfully called a friend/family member a bitch at some point? When did a parent last tell you, you couldn’t do something you wanted to? I was craving a Sonic shake a couple days ago, but Mom didn't wanna drive out that far with low gas. Last time you took a picture? A few days back. Our camellia bush is blooming now, and some of the flowers are falling, and I visualized a beautiful shot looking down at one, but no matter what I did, the damn camera wouldn't focus just enough. This is such a frequent problem that I think something may be wrong with the lens. I cannot wait for new ones. Next time you will see the last person that made you cry? Who was it? Myself, so, lol. Next person that will call you? Likely my dad about our laptop hunt. Last person that was at your house besides family? A delivery guy. How many friends do you have? I don't know who are really my old friends, friends, and true friends nowadays. Few. When were you born? 11:20 or 11:30 A.M., I forget. Who are you closest to in your family? Mom. What program on your computer do you use the most? Chrome. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? Not unless I was in some sort of freak accident. What is your favorite breed of dog? Akita inus or Saint Bernards. Are you a fan of anime? Yeah. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Soft chocolate chunks. Ahhh. Where is your favorite city? I don't have one. Do you get bored easily? Very. What grosses you out the most? The most? Oh man, idk. Probably seeing bones clearly broken and at gnarly angles, or strange bodily shit like botflies being pulled out (I physically refuse to watch things like that), and giant pimple/cyst popping is fucking disgusting. I do NOT understand how some find it satisfying. Or, as mentioned earlier, seeing fetuses move from the outside. Have you ever been to the circus? In elementary school. I don't remember it. What’s the longest word you know? Uhhh, "brobdingnagian?" Do you use teeth whitener? No, but God knows I want to. Do you think war is an acceptable way of solving problems? NO. NO. NO. NO. Were you a bad child when you were younger? No. What is your favorite type of exercise? Swimming. Do you live near any volcanoes? No. Name one word that you always have trouble pronouncing. Almost everyone points out how I put a "d" in "breakfast" after the "k." I have to consciously think in order to not. Tell me something about yourself that you don’t normally tell people. The fact I enjoy RP. Do you have any songs that seem to fit your life perfectly? Perfectly, idk. Have you ever tried “planking”? Oh wow, I forgot about that fad. The exercise form of planking, yes. Do you trust yourself with big responsibilities? Usually not. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? So there's this local dessert place I go to exclusively for their ice cream called "campfire delight" that surpasses any ice cream I've ever had. Out of basic flavors, vanilla. How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? Two. Where was your mom born? Somewhere in New York. Have you ever seen your siblings naked? Well duh as kids. As teens/adults, I think I've seen Ashley like once. Now Nicole, she has no shame and used to walk without a care into the living room to grab clean clothes lmao, and she never cared if I needed to come into the bathroom for whatever if she was in there after she got out of the shower. What can always make you feel better no matter what? Show me that video of Mark witnessing for the first time that "nasa peepo" shit lmao. I will at LEAST smile. What did you last order from a restaurant? A double cheeseburger and fries. And what restaurant was that from? McDonald's. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy? Yes. Would you ever get your legs waxed? Likely not. Are you listening to music right now? "Roots" by In This Moment. When was the last time somebody hit on you? lul Sara yesterday, I think. Was the last person you met a male or female? Uhhh who was the last person I met. I really don't know. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? Sara. Do you own a map of the world? No. Who did you last spoon with? Sara. Does your family eat dinner together? No. When eating string cheese, do you dive right in or just peel it? I don't like string cheese. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Nothing works for me. Do you know how to take screen shots on your computer? Yeah. Do you have a blister anywhere on your body? No. Do you remember what your last fortune cookie said? No, but I think I recall thinking it was stupid. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What do you think of off-brand soda? Doesn't bother me. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Usually hot. Do you grit your teeth a lot? No. Do you like to swing? Ye. How about jumping on a trampoline? Haven't done that in years, and it would probably wreck my knees. Do you have long arm hair? No. Is your hair healthy? Very. How often do you wash your hair? I have to every time I shower unless I want it greasy, so every other day or sometimes one more. Do you love Family Guy, or hate it? It doesn't bother me. Do you like kids? I don't hate them, but being around them long enough tests me. How often do you like to have sex? Sara and I aren't at that point yet, so I can't really say. If I'm still the same, Jason and I did so every few days, and if I didn't see him in like, almost a week, I'd definitely want it. Do you throw shit under your bed? No. Do you like Dairy Queen? Sure. Have you ever actually drank warm milk? Ew, no. Do you prefer to have milk when you eat cakes/cookies? Every once in a while for cookies. What is your preferred brand of chocolate? Ohhhhhh I can't remember its name. It's one of the "fancier" kinds. Do you like white chocolate? No, too sweet. Are there any movies/shows you’ve seen so many times you’re sick of them? I don't think so. What about songs you’ve heard so many times you hate them? Not hate. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah, as a kid, and here in the South, there's also this tasty treat called snow cream that you make with fresh snow. Are there any metals that turn your skin green? Silver. Do you know anybody who gets feminism confused with misandry? BOY DO I Do you talk to your pets? Seriously curious, does anyone not? When you do, is your tone different from when you talk to humans? Usually. Do you like using terms of endearment? Yes. Describe yourself with 3 fictional characters. Okay so I'mma actually think here... HA FIRST I am the Actual Eric Derekson, Max Caulfield (tho I give myself just enough credit that I am not that cringey), and Katniss Everdeen, if I remember her well enough (and I only read the first book/saw the first movie). Are there any numbers you dislike for any reason? No. Do you own/wear any jumpsuits? No. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog) Cats, plenty. What’s a movie you think more people should see? Idk. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) Haven't since high school, but I'm very interested in it. If you do, do you have any favorite gods/goddesses? Maybe Artemis. Do you think it’s prettier when the moon is full, or a crescent? Full. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Does the Kennedy Space Center qualify? Have you grown to dislike your first email address? Lol, I'll admit it's embarrassing when I have to give it out. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. What songs bring back happy memories for you? "Closer" by The Chainsmokers, "Leavin'" by Jesse McCartney, "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, "All Time Low" by Jon Bellion, "Caroline" by Aminé, "I'm Not A Vampire" by Falling In Reverse, a few Billy Joel songs, a lot of old Train songs, "Let Me Hear You Scream" by Ozzy... a lot. Are there any smells that bring back happy memories? Probably? Oh, pancakes and sausage or bacon cooking, for one. I just remember the occasional times as a kid Mom would make breakfast.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

[evannalily]

Gold Frame Earrings from Newlook

Good Afternoon everyone and a very Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all had a wonderful night full of fun, joy and surrounded by family and friends to ring in the new year! I myself was laid up in bed with the flu for most of it so mine could have been that little bit better but otherwise I was just thankful to actually be out of bed and able to eat on actual new years night so it could have also have been worse but Im on the mend now! Todays post is the first post of 2019 and one I haven’t done in a while which is on one of my own looks that I had for a night out in December and if I’m being really honest that night was the first in a long time that I actually 100% happy with how I looked on a night out and felt really confident in myself which I think is a feeling I will be bringing with me in 2019!

My 2018 ended with a good few memories as I had a pretty sociable December . Including myself and Éimear going to the INEC in Killarney to go see Hozier and Gavin James who were unreal! For anyone who doesn’t know who Hozier is he’s an Irish singer/songwriter from Wicklow and I would definitely recommend going to see him because he is just amazing live! I always love going to see singers live and have them sound the exact same as they do in audio instead of them sounding a bit different because the voices are enhanced on the audio to sound better. Definitely check out his music because he is genuinely just so good! Gavin James is also an Irish singer from Galway who is also really good to go and see!

Myself and Éimear also went on our glam girls night out where we also met up with Himself and a couple of his work buddies and it was this night that I am honestly so happy with my look.

Look of The Night

  https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/clothing/tops/black-one-hundred-percent-slogan-t-shirt-/p/616789201

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/clothing/skirts/black-cotton-mix-mini-tube-skirt-/p/506885901?comp=Search

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/accessories/jewellery/gold-textured-rectangle-earrings-/p/614185393?comp=Browse

https://www.prettylittlething.com/black-pu-pointed-ankle-sock-boots.html

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/accessories/belts/black-leather-look-circle-buckle-hip-belt/p/591190501?comp=Browse

The look its self was pretty simple and was my classic all black colour scheme (another thing I’m going to start changing in 2019) and was just perfect. I love when you just throw something on last minute and it ends up being you’re favourite look of all time. The t-shirt is pretty basic and you can find slogan t-shirts in virtually any high street store at the moment as they are really trendy still and it was also long enough on me that I kind of created another layer under the skirt which is always handy just incase like me you have a little fear of things being a bit transparent. The skirt is actually another one that I had at home but I have included a link to a similar one here for you but its just a basic black tube skirt as I like my skirts to be a bit higher around the waist as I just feel they suit me better. You can’t see the boots in this photo but I do have a picture of them up on my Instagram and they are literally the exact type I was searching for for ages! I have another suede high stiletto pair that I have had for years and they are starting to get on a bit now and have seen a fair share of nights out so it was time to start getting their replacement ready and these are amazing. They literally tick every box height (which is scary high to look at but I love the height without a platform sole) , style, colour, comfort and of course are pointed toe. The earrings are again really trendy at the minute and are relatively easy to find but it does depend on the size you like. Usually these square frames are on the larger side but these ones are actually a mini version available from Newlook as well as the bigger size too. They are lightweight as well which is always a bonus as heavy earrings are a curse on your ears after a while. I just finished this look with a plain black leather jacket (more black I know) and thats it. A simple look for nights out without the fuss.

  2018 : A Year In Pictures

As we are now in the new year 2019 I have decided to share some of my photos month by month from last year 2018 on some of my highlights from the year gone by. I definitely had a year filled with ups and downs, changes and trips but these photos are a reflection of all the good times from last year and if you can I would make an album on your phone or in a scrap book that you can look back on in years to come so that you can remind yourself when you’re feeling a bit low or in a sticky situation that life hasn’t been all bad and that you have had some great times in your life even if it is something as simple as just watching movies with friends. Heres a breakdown of my 2018!

February – Éimear and I travelled up to Dublin to go see Dermot Kennedy in the Olympia Theatre and I will honestly never forget it. It was the best concert I have ever been to because his music is so emotional, touching, beautiful and mesmerising. We are going to see him this year as well which I cannot wait to do again!

April – Himself and I went on our kind of annual holiday to Portugal to Albufiera where we have been before but this time we did do a few new things one of which I have definitely never done before and that was a Fish Pedicure. If you don’t know what that is its basically these tiny little fish that eat away at dead skin cells so you soak your feet in the water with them and they basically just clean your dead skin cells away. Don’t worry they are tiny fish so you don’t actually feel anything except maybe a slight tickle which is more of a funny sensation than scary (unless your Kim Kardashian West in that clip where she completely freaks out at the tickle feeling of a fish pedicure).

June – Himself and I went over to England for just under two weeks to mind my aunties house for her and as he had never been to London before I was excited to show him all the touristy things like Buckingham Palace, The London Eye and the Natural History Museum. We did one thing I had never done before (that I can recall anyway as I may have gone as a very small child) and that was go to the London Aquarium. It was really cool in there and they do have really interesting things to see so I would recommend going there if you are in London! On our way to the Natural History Museum we did see a few lamborghinis being driven around for demonstrations too which he was only delighted to see.

September – In September Himself and I attended a wedding in Tralee which was a civil ceremony as they didn’t want a church wedding and it was honestly one of the nicest wedding I have been to. As much as I respect peoples religious choices of a church wedding it was just really nice to not have the same prayers and routines and to see them have their children involved, have their own readings and quotes spoken and it was just a really nice romantic wedding. I did however end up spending two days getting broken glass out of my hands from an unfortunate table breakage but we won’t talk too much about that!

December – The whole month of December was one of my highlights to be honest. I started with our annual staff party which was really fun as we went for dinner and then just made a night out of it. Next up was my birthday which I didn’t actually do anything for it but Himself did have roses delivered to me at work for it which was a nice surprise even though I had a feeling he was going to do that as he was being a bit sneaky in town the day before and he did the same for my 21st birthday a couple years ago but it was still a lovely surprise! After that came came the Hozier show which was amazing as he just has such a great voice and is amazing to see live. Then literally two days after that myself and Éimear went out for our glam girls night and met up with himself and couple of his friends as they were on a staff night out too. Then obviously there was Christmas which was our usual family tradition of dinner with my grandparents, lots of food and a movie. Then a few days after Christmas myself and Éimear headed out to the INEC again to go see Gavin James perform and literally about two days after this I ended up in bed ill for nearly two days and was only just up an about on new years eve and able to eat so I literally have not one photo from the night but I did discover my 88 year old granddad is a fan of George Ezra’s Shotgun and my nan is in love with Michael Bublé

February – Dermot Kennedy Olympia Theatre Dublin

March – Myself and Eimear on St. Patricks Night

March – Snowy house bound days with Cookie

April – Albufeira, Portugal with himself

April – Albufeira, Portugal with himself

May – Finally bought a new car

June – England with Himself

June – England with Himself

August – Got my first set of the prettiest Ombre gels at NailsbyErika

August – Was reunited with an old school friend at a wedding

September – At wedding with himself

October – Halloween Costume Party in The Grand with Gillian

December – Christmas Staff Party

December – Himself had flowers delivered to me at work for my birthday

December – Hozier with Eimear

December – Hozier with Eimear

December – Out on the town with Eimear

December – Holly waiting for her gifts from Santa on Christmas morning

Decemeber – Gavin James with Eimear

Well thats my 2018 summed up so lets see what 2019 brings! Speak to you soon!

Ever yours

Lily

xx

December Roundup : Last Look At 2018 Good Afternoon everyone and a very Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all had a wonderful night full of fun, joy and surrounded by family and friends to ring in the new year!

#2018 #2018review #2019 #accessories #albufeira #alfaromeo #alfaromeoguilette #BEAUTY #belt #bestfriend #bigben #Birthday #blackbelt #blackshirt #blackskirt #blog #blogger #bloggerstyle #blogging #boots #bouquet #boyfriend #brows #buckinghampalace #cafeduparc #car #circlebelt #cocktail #concert #cookie

[prismatic-bell]

How-Tos of Protesting: Student Walkout Edition

Hey guys! So I’m going to do something I don’t normally do, and ask you guys to blow this up, blow it out of the water, destroy my notes. (If this succeeds, I’ll probably end up deleting the original post to save my own sanity. That’s okay.) Here’s why: I used to be a protester, and I still would be if I had the time/money/energy/a job that wasn’t shit. I’m not going to tell you not to protest or talk down to you--I’m going to share the tricks and tips I learned over three rather volatile years in the queer rights movement, and those I’ve picked up from other large protest movements. Please consider this a basic guidebook, a gift from your pissed-off Millennial aunt to you, to protest safely and effectively. This guide is aimed at the upcoming gun violence walkout protests, but feel free to adapt and use as necessary for other movements.

(Just in case this does blow up to every corner of the internet: you don’t need to credit me. This isn’t about me. This is about something much bigger than me, or you. Just help these kids do what they need to do.)

THE MONTH BEFORE THE PROTEST:

1) Ready yourself mentally. Even when you’re pissed and ready to go, standing up to speak very brutal truth to power can be intimidating. Do what you need to do to center yourself and be angry, but calm--write things down, make private Tumblr posts, take some photos or make some art that explains how you feel. NONE OF THIS NEEDS TO BE PUBLIC AND IN FACT ANY WRITTEN RECORD SHOULDN’T BE. The reason is simple: during and after the protest, the media will be looking for a way to discredit you. Don’t give it to them. This is your chance to get your head in the game.

2) Start assembling a protest kit. If you are a student or teacher, this should fit easily into your backpack or briefcase. You’ll want bandaids, neosporin or triple-bac, an Ace bandage, a liter of potable water, some light nonperishable foods (I recommend Belvita biscuits for nutrients-to-size ratio), about $20 in emergency funds, and a portable charger if you have it. DO NOT TAKE ANY MEDICATION. If you have any kind of disorder or illness that would require you to take medication during the day--even if it’s something as innocuous as a sugar pill--it’s better for you to either sit out the protest, or stay home. If the protest fails, or the administration allows it to proceed but insists on their own security measures, and you are found with medication on you (yes, even your own), you can be in a LOT of trouble. We’re talking expulsion, legal problems, and so on. The only exception to this is if you have school clearance already (for example, for an emergency inhaler), and you should take only the medications you have clearance for.

3) Choose a book to read, if you’re doing a sit-in/walk-out with sit-in, and put it in your protest kit. For this purpose I strongly recommend books like Battle Royale, Firestarter, and The Hunger Games, which contain the themes of “our children are forced to die because we’re too fucking power-hungry.” There’s a triple reason for this: one, if it’s a successful sit-in, you’re going to get bored. (Sit-ins are literally a lot of “hurry up and wait.”) Two, a group of students sitting around rebelliously READING? There’s not much the media can do with that, and for this reason I also recommend you leave your DS or other handheld video-game device at home. And three: a sea of books about rebellion seeking justice? That is pointed. That’s deliberate.

4) If you plan to have a sign or banner, start planning it now. Because the majority of protestors are going to be students, I strongly recommend you paint your sign on cloth, which can be folded or rolled up to carry in your backpack and also would be very difficult to miscontrue as a weapon. Please remember that while it is a very old and time-honored tradition to share the names of previous victims on your sign, it is considered to be in extremely bad taste to use their images; this decision should be reserved for siblings or parents only.

5) Select a “buddy network.” This doesn’t have to be composed of your closest friends, as long as the people in it get along tolerably well. The purpose of this group is to ensure that everyone within it stays calm and hydrated, and to watch each others’ backs in case of emergency. This means everyone in the group knows where everyone else is at all times, and is prepared to give pertinent information to emergency services if necessary. Which relates to my next month-out point . . . .

6) We’re going to get kind of somber now, sorry. As an adult, the first thing I thought when I heard about these mass protests was “fucking YES!” and the next was “Jesus. Oh, fuck. Sweet G-d anybody planning a shooting knows exactly when to plan it for now.” Ready yourself mentally for the fact that a shooting may happen at your protest, and make yourself a prep kit for this. Save an ICE (In Case of Emergency) number in your phone. Make a clean document that contains your full name, ICE number, parents’ names (and phone numbers, if they’re different from your ICE number), and pertinent medical information (including “NO BLOOD DONATION” if that applies), and the day before the protest, take a clear screenshot of this and make it your phone lockscreen. For example, mine would look like this (although I rather obviously changed my parents’ names for privacy reasons):

NINA LASTNAME EMERGENCY CONTACT JILL DIFFERENTNAME [My mother’s phone number] PARENTS JACK AND JILL  DIFFERENTNAME BLOOD TYPE O+

I take citalopram 20mg and Zyrtec daily and routinely take Aleve for inflammation. I have a severe allergy to sulfa and sulfa-derivative drugs. I am positive for genetic blood clotting disorder Factor V Leiden. I suffer from blood sugar crashes, but have no formal diagnosis. I am autistic and may be nonverbal under severe stress.

In an emergency situation, this information can save your life. Have it on hand, and make your buddy network save this information as well. Hopefully, you won’t need it and at the end of the day you’ll feel it might have been silly--but if you need it, you have it, immediately.

THE WEEK BEFORE THE PROTEST:

1) Check in with your buddy group. Be sure everyone has their kit assembled, and choose a meetup place for when the protest begins. The ideal buddy group should be no more than eight people; above that, it starts getting muddled. If your group is larger than that, I recommend splitting in two, and being clear about who belongs to which group. I know high school is a time of cliques and fitting in, but make it clear this is NOT about who likes whom--it’s for the safety of everyone involved. A smaller group is easier to keep track of. Period. If you’re a main organizer at your school, that’s great! You’re the head of a much larger body--but that body needs to have tiny bodies within it. You can’t be expected to watch over a few hundred or thousand of your peers alone. That’s ludicrous.

2) Select the clothing you’re going to wear. I recommend you go with “comfortable, but also dress for the job you want to have in ten years.” You want to be a teacher? Wear dress slacks or a dress skirt and a button-down. You want to be a programmer? Neat and clean jeans or cargo pants are fine, but wear a polo or button-down, no tee-shirts. You’re going into business? Slacks, button-down, tie. Your life plan is to be an artist with their own pants-optional studio? Wear the clothing you’d wear for your first big gallery opening. You want to be a singer? Imagine you won American Idol or The Voice, and this is your first big post-show interview. Your dream job requires a very specific uniform, like “chef” or “beekeeper”? Go with a nice shirt or sweater and good pants--the kind of thing your parents will call “an interview outfit.” If your school has a uniform, make sure yours is ironed. Be sure your hair is neat and clean.

Homework time! I want you to read this article. Ladies, if you’re wearing skirts, aim for knee-length AT MINIMUM, and tea-length is better. This isn’t me trying to crimp your style--it’s that you will be sitting and walking a lot, and a longer skirt will be easier to sit on the ground in. Remember: you are the future. You are our lawmakers, politicians, teachers, doctors, innovators, artists. Dress so that the media is forced to show images of hundreds, thousands, of teens who look like they got up that morning ready to kick ass and take names on Wall Street. There’s nothing wrong with tee-shirts or ripped jeans on your day off or in the classroom, but you want to show the image of “we’re here, your bright young minds of the future. How many of us will be here next month? Next week? Tomorrow?” A lot of people, especially those interested in shutting you up, won’t be willing to look past your clothes. Force them. You wanna really go the extra mile? Dress up and take your homework. It says “I’d be happy to learn, if only the teachers could worry about my grades instead of my life.”

3) Do an overview of relevant court cases, in case your right to protest is challenged. Here is an ACLU page on student protest in general to get you started. Here is their page on Tinker vs. Des Moines, which is a case you will DEFINITELY want to read about (the specific case was about the Vietnam War, but it will apply to you). I’d recommend not involving an American flag in your protest because it stands to overshadow what you actually want to say, but if you choose to do so, you’ll want to read about Texas vs. Johnson. To be sure what you’re saying and doing stays within legal safety parameters, read up on Bethel vs. Fraser. And while it’s not directly in line with the exact topic at hand, it’s always worth a look at West Virginia State Board of Education vs. Barnette. KNOWING THIS STUFF IS IMPORTANT. I know it seems like boring makework, but seriously, being able to say “with all due respect, Mr. Smith, the Supreme Court decided in Tinker vs. Des Moines that you may take my protest sign only if it’s disruptive in class” is important. When I attended protests in the late 2000s my group actually made Tinker required reading. You need to know this stuff.

And to top it off: at the March for Marriage Equality in 2009, we literally used the second half of the First Amendment as a protest chant because there were groups that had tried to block our license for the march. You can find the full text of it here, with annotations explaining its meaning and court cases related. It’s a very dry read, but please at least take a look at “Speech Plus” and “Rights of Assembly and Petition.” There’s no test on this stuff, I’m not going to quiz you to see if you got it right, just kind of . . . skim. See the background. Better still, have it bookmarked on your phone so it’s readily available if needed.

4) In case your group is questioned by the media, decide who your spokesperson will be. This should be someone who can speak clearly, is confident looking into a camera, and who can give a brief prepared statement without stuttering or sounding scripted and stilted. Why prepare the statement? Because you can be sure you’re including all relevant information without getting flustered, circling back, or being unclear, as may happen when speaking off the cuff--imagine having to give an English presentation in front of your class with no notes and no chance to go over it in the bathroom mirror. A good statement should be something like “My name is Nina Lastname, I’m a senior here at General McLane and we walked out of class today in protest against unchecked gun violence nationwide. Today is the 19th anniversary of the Columbine massacre. This year alone there have been over two dozen mass shootings, but in 20 years not a single piece of logical and meaningful legislation to protect students, moviegoers, church worshippers, or simply unarmed people on the street. It’s time that changed." The average local news piece is 32 seconds long (yes, I’m serious). You need your soundbite to be 15 seconds or less if you want to avoid it being edited, and 10 seconds is better. If your school has had a mass shooting of any kind, address it in your statement: “I’m a senior here at General McLane, where we had a mass shooting 20 years ago.” (Yes, that really happened in my school.)

THE DAY OF THE PROTEST:

1) When the protest begins, proceed calmly to your meetup place. Your school may have additional security measures in place, because make no mistake, I will not be the only adult who recognized the danger inherent in a walkout. If this is the case, be patient and calm with the adults who are doing the screening, lockdown, etc.; it’s very likely that they’re doing the only things they can do to keep you safe. Do not proceed until everyone reaches your meetup place.

2) Exit calmly. Don’t yell, swear, make threats, etc.; basically, pretend you’re getting on an airplane. If you want to play or sing protest songs, go for it, but steer clear of anything with cursing or language that could be taken as violent. (My go-to when I want to get good and pissed off and ready to fight is “Uprising” by Muse, but I’d never sing it at a protest because of the line “it’s time the fat cats had a heart attack/their time is coming to an end”.) If your school is in the South, consider “We Shall Overcome,” which was a very prominent song in the civil rights movement of the 1960s. Singing it in the South today would be a very clear and pointed reference. Since I am An Old, I’ll direct you to some older songs you may find relevant or a useful starting point:

Pink feat. Dixie Chicks, “Dear Mr. President” Sam Cooke covering Otis Redding, “A Change Is Gonna Come” Willie Dixon covering an old folk song, “Down By The Riverside” Crosby, Stills, and Nash, “Ohio” (trigger warning: this song is about a school shooting, linked video contains disturbing images of Kent State shooting)

(Please take note that each of these was used predominantly by a different protest movement, and be respectful. Respectively: the anti-Iraq War movement, the Civil Rights Movement, the anti-Vietnam movement, and I’m sorry to say, the fucking “can we stop shooting our kids at school” movement but in the 1970s.)

3) Keep tabs on your group. Ensure everyone is hydrated, and, if necessary, fed. If someone needs medical attention for any non-emergency reason (e.g. mild allergic reaction, overheated/too cold but not yet hyper/hypothermic, panic attack), assign a group member to help them seek care; if someone needs medical attention for an emergency reason, assign two people in the group who will call 911. (Why two? Because if your designated caller is the one with an emergency and you don’t have a backup, people will panic.)

4) If the media seeks a statement from your group, have your spokesperson speak. If they request to hear from other members of the group, be sure you deliberately echo what your spokesperson said--so if they say you walked out to protest gun violence, you would say “we walked out to protest all of the shootings that are happening nationwide.” The reason for this is because it’ll be a lot harder to paint the group as confused if everybody knows what it’s about. The “divide and conquer” method was used very successfully on Occupy Wall Street--don’t let it be used to undermine you.

5) If anyone asks to join your buddy network and you don’t know them at least by face (”I have algebra with that kid”), be polite, but cautious. Don’t be paranoid, but if you don’t know them, you can’t be sure they’re not an agent provocateur. If they say things that strike you as more than just a little bit weird, be doubly cautious; if at any time they hint at or suggest violence toward administrators, police, or other students, politely but firmly say “we aren’t having that kind of talk. We’re here for a peaceful solution to a violent problem, not to add more violence.” If they persist or say something explicit (e.g. “yeah? Well what if I told you I had a gun with me right now?”), find a safe way to exit the group, like going to the bathroom. Call law enforcement immediately. (If your school is doing a sit-in rather than a walkout, call the front office.) “My name is Nina Lastname and I’m a protestor at General McLane. A student none of my friends know has joined my protest group and [is threatening staff, says he has a gun, etc.].” THE ABSOLUTE LAST THING YOU WANT is for that person to be serious and either talk your group into a violent action, or to take a violent action against you. I know the police are kind of shit on Tumblr right now, and I understand why, but please believe I do not make this recommendation lightly. You want to keep your protest peaceful and organized. If the police need to be in the loop, please put them in the loop. They’re not going to want the bad press involved with hurting you guys, especially given what you’re protesting. Let them do their jobs. (This serves a second purpose: if that weird student is an agent provocateur placed by law enforcement, this tells them you’re not playing their game.)

6) If law enforcement tells you to move, be polite, but know your rights. “I’ll comply with your request, Officer. I would like to know where I may exercise my First Amendment right without compromising public safety.” It’s super-tempting to sass back. Believe me--I’ve been spit on and called “an animal” and “one of the whores of hell.” I know how tempting it is to fight back. Don’t do it. The only reason, the only reason, you should be engaging in physical or verbal violence at the protest (and that includes posts you may make on social media before, during, or after) is if there is an active attacker situation, and you are attempting to disarm the attacker. Otherwise, be polite. If your group is heavily nonwhite and you are white, use your privilege to their advantage: “My friends and I will comply with your request, Officer, but we’d like to know where, etc.” This avoids further confrontation. Intersectional problems at a protest are always bad news--they turn into thinkpieces, and thinkpieces are why people think my generation is a bunch of whiny babies. Don’t become a thinkpiece.

7) When the protest is over, ensure everyone in your buddy network is able to leave safely. Be responsible about your protest--discard any water bottles, food wrappers, or other trash you may have generated during the protest, and offer to assist nearby groups in doing the same. This is part of respectability politics--it goes hand in hand with the whole “show up in your Sunday best” thing. Don’t skip it.

Be safe, you guys. I have nothing more substantial than this to offer you. I wish I did. All I can say is this:

If you’re making a list of victims, make sure you go back to 1966 and the Texas Tower massacre. You’ll find fourteen dead, and a similar number wounded. Had they all lived, many would probably be grandparents today.

It needs to fucking end.

[sixbillionstars]

Before Game of Thrones and the newest Star Wars films, flights to Iceland only left from Denver, Washington DC, Baltimore, or New York. When I learned that the voyage embarks from Port of Hamburg, I figured I’d be flying into Berlin. And after years of watching closely for new United States destinations between the two main Icelandic airlines, this made my heart sing knowing full well St. Louis had recently become a Wow Air destination with cheap flights to many European cities, and of course... stopovers in Iceland on the way.

I won’t go much into how long I had anticipated this experience, however I will say it was a painful wait. First it was celebrities one by one slowly making their way as it grew appealing to more and more travelers suddenly during my freshman year of college and onward. Then it was friends who happened to have stopovers, who could afford it before me, or who were nearer to new departure cities before me... In those ways it was thrilling to feel inches and inches closer all these years. I even had a whole trip planned once to visit Iceland by myself to celebrate the New Year and hang out a week before and after. For a plethora of important reasons I had to cancel that trip, which to this day I still stand behind. So sadly, the most suitable and affordable window of time I had to work with to be in Iceland this time around was twenty hours, since it was a stopover, but a solid twenty hours we spent. An old friend used to joke all the time, “what if you go and absolutely hate it?” which was a possibility I have weighed heavily, even after countless hours over the years reading entire wikipedia pages of tiny, unpronounceable coastal villages with their black sands and fjords, delving into Vimeo videos of Icelandic scenery, and my favorite, the man in a lopapeysa sweater teaching you how to knit. I knew damn well I’d have to come back after such a short time even if it did turn out not so ideal. But after a seven year wait, I am happy to announce that it truly was everything I could have hoped for and even so much more. Maybe because I already knew where to look, or at least where I wanted to look, or maybe it really was calling me all this time.

I was taught a German expression today "Knapp daneben ist auch vorbei” which means, “coming close is the same as missing it.” It’s been circling my mind like an echo of congratulations from the void for just finally being able to do the damn thing.

It is now late into Thursday, our second day in Berlin. Yesterday was spent locating our Airbnb, experiencing jetlag, showering, etc... completely pretty much rebirthing ourselves after twenty hours with none of the checked luggage I truly thought the Keflavik airport would let me access during that amount of time.

I can’t exit this post though without telling a couple of the stories from those hours (and some pictures!) It was by far the most eventful twenty hours of my life...

As soon as we landed, it was time to grab the rental car. I picked out a lovely whatever the car was. At first the reservation said manual shift, which was exciting because I learned to drive on a manual but also I knew the Icelandic roads would be more vulnerable to drivers so I wasn’t sure how revisiting a skill like that there would go. Luckily we ended up with an automatic somehow anyway. Since the Wow air flights are so cheap, they get off by charging passengers for every other thing including meals, so I had not eaten since Missouri by this point (mainly because I wanted to sleep). I felt weak and tired at the rental counter so I asked my friend Alicia to get me something at the cafe nearby. She came back with the first food we were to behold: a caprese panini, but instead of panini bread, it was the body of Christ or something. I apologize to anyone that offends--I mean it in the sense that it was cracker bread meant specifically for religious purposes and not to feed a malnourished traveler. Don’t get me wrong, it tasted good, however the depth of my ketosis and the richness of the pesto was too much. Literally as I stood at the counter facing my first ever Icelandic stranger and transaction, I felt the sudden urge to vomit and ran to the nearest trashcan while Alicia had to sign everything for me in a VERY crowded airport. I don’t think any of us knew how to react honestly, though the woman at the counter was very sweet and brought us bottled waters after seeing my pale sweaty face, despite not totally knowing how to ask if I was okay in English.

Getting to Þingvellir was not an issue, however the drive there involved more of the previous situation sadly. While the girls caught up on sleep, I found our way out of Keflavik onto the highway and quickly back off of it after having tried a couple more bites of the Jesus panini. The first time around I wasn’t entirely sure if it was that was what made me ill or just all of the conditions at once. This time I knew it was that. There was nowhere to even pull over as all of the road space in Iceland is very carefully planned, with roundabouts every few blocks and signs placed not too often or too scarcely. So I stopped in the middle of the road out of sheer desperation -- one of the few very crucial things I had JUST been told you’re not supposed to do with an Icelandic car. I had already begun out the window as I drove simply because my mind was already racing for options. What is the best way here - puking on myself and cleaning that up? No - my luggage I thought I could have today is on its way to Germany. Puking solely into the car? Hell to the no - I don’t care if I bought the insurance, we have the whole route ahead of us and back. Okay well in the time it took to ask myself those questions, all of the above happened anyway. Everywhere. Alicia and Morgan immediately woke up of course and without judgment scrambled into their things for a new shirt and pants for me, helped me clean the car, et cetera, alllllll while locals were angrily and confusedly passing me on this tiny exit I had chosen under the impression it was low-trafficked. Did I mention I chose not to wear underwear on this day of all days? Yes. In my first hour in Iceland I was forced to change BUTT NAKED pretty much on the side of the highway. Needless to say, we threw the Jesus panini away as if it was the one ring to rule them all.

Þingvellir was breathtaking. Every little plant, moss, lichen, dewdrop was so quietly and calmly welcoming. The wall of boxy-looking rocks you may have seen in Games of Thrones was to the left of this photo, with its waterfalls and all. It was confusing finding the dive spot where our snorkel tour was, but once we arrived all of our sorrows were gone. First we met Luis, a cheery Mexican from Cancun, then Manuel the French man who helped us into our dry suits, and then Juan from Madrid was our guide through the crevice of the opening between the Eurasian and North American tectonic plates.

The moment I entered the water my heartbeat changed for good, not just because of the chilling 2*C temperature, but because it was then I realized I was really, really there. Until that moment, it was all a dream. Simply putting my mask down to see what was below... I still cannot find the words. Our suits were designed to keep us warm, so the crystal clear stream swept us and this rad Australian couple in our group gently along the divide as if it were a lazy river. Silfra is the only spot on Earth where one can touch two plates at once, and I cannot emphasize enough that the land itself gives you that vibe alone, whether you do the tours or not. For as long as I live I don’t think I could forget how it felt to lay completely still on top of the water looking down, like just another little seagull feather or algae, feeling one with the whole damn country.

Finally.

After a pit stop at a petrol station for edible food and something to make the car smell better, we rerouted from planning a drive all the way to Vik (3.5 hrs there and back) to just spending the time comfortably in Reykjavik where we could get back to the airport by 3am, when the rental was due, and for our flight at 6am.

Downtown was as quaint and beautiful as I had imagined, though of course a completely different layout than what I originally pictured. This happened in New Mexico too when I moved there after a year of picturing the places where my friends’ stories from their phone calls were playing out. We found a cute bar to meet locals in called the Smokin’ Puffin, which turned out to have just opened three weeks prior. Made many friends, including Moe the bartender/plant geneticist from Iran, and Joanne, a bubbly expat from the UK.

Hallgrimskirkja and the walk to it however was the crowning jewel of the evening, with apartment windows all open, most of them displaying cute decorations and cats and succulents of all colors and sizes peering out.

I knew it was a rather large church, I suppose I was not prepared for just how large. Walking past the infamous Leifur Eriksson statue to approach the entrance with its tiered architecture and powerfully rhetorical lighting, I lost my breath again. It was a bittersweet goodbye, though I am nearly grateful we did not stay overnight so I couldn’t get too attached to Iceland’s physical presence.

Was honestly just taking a photo of this sweet cat, and realized its owner was behind him drawing. I almost cried.

Moe’s specialty cocktail: coffee martini :)

Me in my very attractive after-puke outfit with this handsome Iranian plant geneticist bartender who was really sweet to me anyway.

<3

#iceland