#im so scared all the time because of my health and i have to pretend like im not to move on with my day

[staryarn]

,

#vent tw #vent #i hate this #i hate how strong i have ti be for my health #how much longer do i have to got through this pain #every day is an actual hell to go through #it hurts it hurts so much #i have to just hold on until my next appointment #but its taking so much out of me just to go one with my day #im so tired of dealing with myself of dealing with people #it hurts my body my brain it all hurts so much #im so scared all the time because of my health and i have to pretend like im not to move on with my day #i dont bring my health up with others because i dont want to be negative and i just power through to meet their expectations #but god im starting to reach ny limits of crashing and burning bc of my health its bad #not hospital bad but disable my daily life so i cant do anything at all but barely exist in bed bad #its hard to even focus on a game or social media with how my health is #but i have to power through and just stay strong until my next appointment. I made it this far i can make it to the 28th #im trying to get as much done as i can becaus I hate feeling useless and I KNOW its bad but whats worse is my guilt if i dont do it #its so hard to eat w/o getting sick immediately its so hard to think without my brain hurting its literal hell for me rn #but i really try not to talk abt it bc i hate being a fucking downer or being the center of attention despite the fact that its important

[emocheol]

first kiss with seventeen

seungcheol

gets all nervous

has been planning this for weeks

wants it to be so good so bad that he ends up colliding his forehead with yours when he’s going in

gets all red from embarrassment and makes you swear to never tell anyone about it (so of course you tell everyone)

“please tell me that wasn’t the worst first kiss you’ve had”

“well if that’s what you want to hear…”

jeonghan

makes you make the first move

can tell that you’ve been wanting to kiss him since you’re always looking at his lips, just wants to make you work for it

will spend the entire day teasing you by getting close and then pulling away

you have to grab his face and hold him there to finally kiss him

he won’t ever let you live down the fact that technically you made the first move

“you’re obsessed with me, huh?”

“you’ve been teasing me all day!”

“doesn’t change the fact”

joshua

extremely confident

just makes out with you when he feels the timing is right

can’t get enough and will not stop kissing you

becomes a norm in your relationship for him to kiss you every second he gets

“why are you always kissing me?”

“why? can’t i show my partner how much i love them?”

jun

shy shy shy

makes a whole romantic date and at the end he asks if it’s okay to kiss you

is soooo nervous that you’re going to say no, but of course you say yes

swears that fireworks explode when your lips touch

he is so whipped for you

“i think im in love with you”

“what was that?”

“uhhh i think we need more glue!”

soonyoung

gives it no thought

just spontaneously kisses you when he gets extra happy one day

“babe! look our song is number 1!” and presses a bunch of kisses on your lips

all he remembers is how nice it feels to kiss you

continues to kiss you whenever he feels like it and loves it twice as much whenever you initiate it

“soonyoung! you just kissed me!”

“yeah! did you not like it? :(”

“no it’s okay, do it again”

wonwoo

quite simple about it

will pucker his lips at you and wait for you to kiss him

won’t get embarrassed over it either

he’s in love with you! he’s not scared to show his affection

“wonwoo what are you doing?”

“waiting for you to kiss me, angel”

jihoon

heat of the moment kiss

everything feels so right

feels like he’d be doing you a disservice if he didn’t kiss you

is the most gentle man on the planet and holds your face in his hands

will let you take control of the kiss, just this one time

you’ll be grinning like an idiot

“what was that for?”

“just felt right”

minghao

encourages you to kiss him first

you just got promoted at your job and you’re over the moon about it, so you’re celebrating with minghao

“you can kiss me if you want” he’ll say as if it’s the most casual sentence ever

you get all shy and press a sweet kiss to his lips

he’ll take the lead

“don’t be shy, sweetheart”

“you’re just too handsome :(”

mingyu

he’ll be sick and sulking because he wants to go on your planned date but he can’t get out of bed

profusely apologizes but you won’t accept them because it’s not his fault!

when he won’t stop rambling you’ll lean down and kiss him to shut up him

when you pull away he has a dopey smile on his face

“do that again!”

“i can’t risk getting sick…”

“i’ll nurse you back to health”

pulls you down to him, and pecks your lips a bunch of times

seokmin

#1 gentleman

wine and dine

“i totally understand if you’re not ready but, can i kiss you?” SWOON

makes you feel like the most special person on the planet

will still ask you if he can kiss you multiple times after that

“can i kiss you?”

“seokmin we’ve been together for a year”

“doesn’t hurt to ask!”

seungkwan

smooth so so smooth

you’ll be playing a game and the prize is the winner gets to make the loser do whatever they want

seungkwan wins (of course)

pretends to think about what he wants even though he knows

“kiss me”

“what?!”

“i won so i want you to kiss me”

cue you being a blushing mess and giving seungkwan a light kiss

vernon

gets home from work one day and kisses you when he walks through the door

you’re shocked and he’s acting like it’s an every day occurrence

doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it

(he’s secretly been wanting to kiss you for weeks)

“what was that for?”

“just missed you, baby”

this becomes a regular occurrence when he gets home from work now

chan

nervous as hell

wants to be smooth and he is!

until he’s not

accidentally bites your tongue (a/n: i have had a man bite my tongue before and it hurt for a week)

profusely apologies but he’s such a cutie, how can you be mad?

“i’m so sorry, do you want me to get ice?”

“no, chan, just kiss me again”

does it right this time

#seventeen imagine #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #svt imagine #svt fluff #svt x reader #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenario #seventeen scenarios #svt imagines #mingyu x reader #wonwoo x reader #vernon x reader #jeonghan x reader #scoups x reader #woozi x reader #hoshi x reader #jun x reader #joshua x reader #dino x reader #seungkwan x reader #dk x reader #minghao x reader #mingyu fluff #wonwoo fluff

[heaven4lostgirls]

Can you pretty pleaaassse write for regulus black x reader angst

Where they were friends and got along really well and because they're both pureblooded there families arranged marriage for them. But then regulus gets paranoid and starts to think badly of you and thinks that you were only ever nice to him so that your parents would arrange marriage. And he thinks that you hold the same awful pureblood beliefs as both of your parents and he is afraid to say anything about it incase you tell his family that he doesn't really believe that muggles are lesser. Then regulus is quite distant and mean in your marriage and he eventually comes to his senses when he realises how upset you are and how much his distance hurts you and he can hear you crying yourself to sleep

pairing: regulus black x fem!reader

warning: angst, regulus is a bit of a dick but he comes around ! miscommunication (i’m sorry✊)

summary: request above

authors note: hi! sorry this took forever, i’m really bad at keeping up with requests but i hope you enjoy this, i always say im hoping to get back into writing but it’s always touch and go, my mental health isn’t great a lot of the time and uni just piles on so much more, hopefully you guys understand ! 🫶🩷

regulus wasn’t used to people sticking around, he had been abandoned by the only person he ever truly cared about and left to fend for himself. which was why he assumed when news of his engagement to you was announced by his parents, at a shared dinner party for the sacred 28, you two would simply…co-exist. never fully acknowledging the others presence yet acquaintances at best.

what a shock to his system it was when he grew to know what a wonderful person you were, never abrasive or hostile like his parents, never boastful like most of the pureblood families he knew, instead you were the embodiment of everything he never knew he wanted, a calm to the raging angst inside of him he couldn’t quell after sirius had left, and that alone left him scared more than any of his parents threats to present him to the dark lord as a servant.

you two had formed a quick friendship due to the circumstances surrounding your fast paced engagement, you were set to marry next august and your engagement had only been announced in april. regulus had no problem performing his duties to his family, however this one came with little to no reluctance from either of you as feelings of love and respect blossomed from the friendship you two shared.

however, as time passed, regulus could slowly but surely feel his walls he had fought so hard to build up, crack. he couldn’t fathom why someone like you would feel so comfortable around him, how you somehow managed to worm your way under his skin like no one ever could, not even sirius.

except as time flew by, he had somehow found some of that “gryffindor courage” as james potter always declared, to tell you about his feelings, emphasizing that if you wished, he would never bring up again if you did not reciprocate and you two would still move forward together into marriage as friends.

to his surprise, you were much more welcoming to his feelings than expected, you two had shared a small kiss as you leant your forehead against his and claimed “i was just waiting for you to see me.”

since you two were already a couple in the eyes of the public, the only people he had really had to tell was your shared friends. as expected, they all reacted joyfully to the news and you both carried through the rest of your year no longer pretending to be in love, but actually falling into it.

however, at the beginning of your 6th year, you could tell something had shifted between yours and regulus’ dynamic. no longer was he patient and comforting, instead he was judgmental and fast to anger. some part of you knew it had to do with his parents but you didn’t have the heart to push your questions onto him.

as time passed you watched as he distanced himself from you, pushing away your touches, rejecting your offers to hang out, blowing you off when he would eventually agree. you could only handle so much of his behavior before you eventually broke when telling your friends.

“i don’t know what to do anymore, it’s like walking on eggshells whenever he’s around because im scared of him snapping at me for breathing too loud” you vent to your friends as you place your hands on your eyes to try keep the tears at bay.

“how longs this been going on y/n?” pandora asks softly as she shares a concerned look with lily. you blubber out as answer that sounds like “a couple of months” as tears leak past your palms.

“i can’t keep doing this” you emphasize to them both, “and you know i can’t break up with him because we still have to get married-“

“break up?!” lily questions surprised, “you can’t be serious y/n.” she says as she places a hand on your shoulder.

“i think you need to talk to him” pandora says again as she smiles softly at you as you look at her with tear filled eyes.

“…what if he doesn’t want me anymore?” you whisper, too afraid to say it out loud in fear of it coming true.

“oh love” lily coos as she drags you into a small cuddle with her and pandora, “you’re gonna need to ask him to know that y/n” she whispers as she rubs your back.

you sigh heavily and nod before looking at the both of them. “okay” you concede as you try and form some sort of a plan to confront regulus, your anxiety spikes at the thought of him not wanting your relationship anymore, you couldn’t imagine a marriage with the man you loved where his feelings weren’t reciprocated.

the next day, you planned to corner regulus at the library before dinner but as you walked up to his table, you heard the voice of not only regulus, but barty as well.

“reg, you know you’re hurting her by ignoring her” barty says with a sigh as you pause behind a bookshelf near the table to eavesdrop.

“you know better than i, that i can never be with someone who thinks the way she does…its disgusting” regulus says with a sneer but you can hear how disappointed he is by the statement.

disgusting? he thinks i’m…disgusting? what is he even talking about? you don’t think you’ve ever done anything remotely bad enough to be called disgusting.

“how do you know she thinks like them?” barty implores and you hear regulus sigh, “you’ve seen how she acts when the sacred 28 talks about the muggles” he says and you frown, part of being a child of one of the sacred 28 meant you had to act your part, regulus knew that better than anyone else. so why was he suddenly judging you and telling barty about your issues when he couldn’t even give you the time of day?

“i don’t know if i can marry someone like her” regulus says again and your heart drops. someone like her, you repeat in your head, every insecurity you ever worked through, comes back in tenfold from that sentence alone. you stumble on your feet from the flashes of tears and heartache from all your deepest points of sorrow.

you shake your head and straighten your back before reminding yourself, if he wants a true pureblood wife, that’s what i’ll be. quiet, docile,…perfect.

your wedding approaches faster than you can imagine, dress fittings, bridal party dresses and events all pass with a blur. never fully there, you encompass a state of numbness.

regulus and all your friends notice how you slowly fall into the facade you usually have in front of your parents, instead this time, it never breaks in front of them.

regulus waits for you to come to him, to seek his comfort like you have so many times before, but it never comes.

he spends his nights worrying about you, questioning if it’s something he’s done, you’re still sweet and loving to him, just…more hollow than you were before.

you embody the perfect pureblood princess and he couldn’t hate it more, he hears from people around you how you’re not sleeping, always coming to class in a perfect face of makeup everyday when you usually only used skincare, in beautiful dresses for hogsmead days when you used to use comfortable clothes.

he tries to talk to you, to question why you’ve somehow flipped the switch out of nowhere, but they go unanswered.

the day of your wedding, he can see past the makeup, your sunken in eyes and red eyes. he still places a soft smile on his face as you stare passively into the distance, never making eye contact with him while saying your vows.

the distance between the both of you grows larger as he starts to believe that this was the life you truly wanted, a prince and princess, a couple born out of need not out of love, arranged perfectly to fit the narrative of pureblood royalty.

however, one night he falls asleep later than usual and hears you cry into your pillow, small pleas of being good enough for him as your body shakes with small sobs. he resists the urge to reach out to you in fear of you not recieving his touch well.

he lies awake as he hears you say, “i’m not like i was before, please let him love me now, oh merlin please” you whisper with clenched hands and eyes that leak tears. his heart breaks at the thought of you existing to please him.

he had seen how his mother had done the same for his father, how she turned cold and abusive with no comfort and love from her partner, how she pushed her self hatred onto her children. how that pushed her eldest son to run away.

he spends the next week racking his brain for what he could’ve done for you to think that way before he realises that the summer after his 5th year, his parents had implored him never to give you anything more than the bare minimum because nobody could be trusted. he remembers pulling away from you and pushing you away in fear of you using him for his fortune.

the idea that his parents had made him internalize that you would never love him just for him, you were moving into this marriage not because of your shared love but because of necessity. his heart drops out of his chest as he realizes all of this must have translated to you and that he now had a lot to make up for.

he plans out meticulously how to get his wife back and slowly but surely, he does. it starts with small things, a single flower that you had told him once you liked the smell of on your nightstand, a pair of earrings you remarked look beautiful when window shopping. a handwritten letter telling you goodmorning and his favorite things about you in your bag before class.

your initial confusion morphs to anger at the thought of changing yourself all for him to want you to go back to the self he called repulsive. you don’t respond to his initial attempts to woo you, but as weeks and months pass, he doesn’t give up.

he speaks to you, really speaks to you, asking you about your day, how he can help you when you’re not feeling well, what you need whenever he leaves the house, small compliments about your cooking or how the colour of your dress matches your eyes.

you two start sharing small good mornings and good nights when going to bed, which then translates to small hand holding or shared touches between each other. the ice around your heart slowly but surely starts melting whenever he’s around, you quickly become accustomed to his quick kisses on the cheek whenever he leaves the room or house.

he holds you at night as he whispers sweet promises of never letting you down again, grasping your face to look into your eyes whenever he compliments you to let you know how much you mean to him.

your heart is now warm and full at the thought of his presence, no longer a shell of yourself, slowly but surely healing with his sweet actions.

#juliwrites #marauders #regulus black #regulus black x reader #regulus black angst #regulus x reader #r.a.b #regulus black drabble #regulus black angst x reader #regulus black x fem!reader #regulus x reader angst #regulus angst #harry potter angst #marauders era #marauders era angst

[sopebubbles]

Lone Wolf chapter 16 teaser

Chapter summary: getting closer with the pack means you'll have to learn to live with Kim Namjoon.

A/n: i applogize for taking so long and for this not being exactly what i want it to be. Honestly my health is making it really hard to write because im either in too much pain or have too little energy to write. But I don't want to put this story on haitus, so I'm going to try to modify my plans for this story to give you all a satisfying resolution before the end of the year. Thanks for sticking around and being so patient.

Chapter 16 coming Saturday October 28th!

Teaser below the cut

"Are you hurt?" Yoongi asked as Taehyung set you down at the edge of your nest. He shouldered the younger alpha out of the way to examine you. You were still too stunned to answer, but it didn't really matter; Yoongi was going to look over every available inch of you regardless. He gently tilted your face this way and that to make sure it was unscathed before he moved onto your arms, lifting and twisting each in turn to ensure your skin was unharmed. There was a small cut on your forearm and he frowned. It wasn't even from the incident that had unfolded moments before. It was from work earlier today, and the blood was already dry—you hadn't even felt it at the time.

"Jimin, go get the first aid kit from the bathroom," he instructed, holding your arms carefully.

Feeling Yoongi's steady hands on you helped to ground you and bring you back to your body, out of your shock and panic. You took in a deep breath and breathed out, "I'm okay."

Jimin shuffled back into the room carrying the first aid kit and handed it to Yoongi. The alpha plucked out an alcohol pad and ripped open the packet with his teeth, spitting out the torn piece.

"It's gonna sting," he whispered, but you didn't react as he swiped it over your skin. "It's dry." You looked down to the very minor wound he was tending to.

"That was from work. It's fine," you told him, but he didn't seem to hear you. He had already taken a bandage from the kit—neon pink—and gently but firmly pressed it over your cut. "Yoongi?" He looked up into your eyes and you could see his own were full of worry. He shrugged.

"It makes me feel better."

You cracked a genuine smile and it lifted some of the weight off his chest.

"Are you sure you're okay, sweet little?" Taehyung asked. His hands were still shaking from the course of adrenaline when he thought you were in danger.

You nodded. "I'm okay. I was just scared. I'm not hurt."

"You shouldn't be scared at home," he replied.

"Come sit with me," you said softly, patting the spot next to you. Your heart ached to see how distressed he was over you. Taehyung lowered his head and came to sit near you, not quite in your nest, but just outside of it. When he got close you realized something the rest of them hadn't. They'd been too worried about you to assess their own well-being.

"Tae, you're covered in beer."

He had been standing closest to where the bottle had hit the wall and, as a result, had gotten sprayed with the contents as well as some glass.

"You're bleeding," you added. "Yoongi, your patient is right here."

Your alpha smiled weakly at how brave you were trying to be. He could tell by the way you were still shaking that you weren't as calm as you pretended to be, but he would talk to you about it in a little while when things settled. For now he turned to Taehyung. Without a word, he began to clean the man's wound, and you held his hand while he winced through the burn on the alcohol. You pulled a neon pink bandage from the box beside you and handed it to Yoongi to apply.

"Now we match," you told him, and it brought a bright, boxy smile to Taehyung's face.

#lone wolf #bts fanfic #bts yoongi #bts x reader #bts fic #bts taehyung #bts jimin #bts namjoon #bts a/b/o #bts angst

[gettinshiggywithit]

hiiiiiiiiiiii jayaaaa~ poppin in with a req if that's okay 👉👈

if you're alright with it may i please request fluffy hcs of dazai, atsushi, chuuya and ranpo taking care of a sick reader? if i've requested too many characters you can get rid of some of them, just do whatever suits you best :)

if you do choose to write this please take your time and take care of yourself, no rush at all!! and one more thing!

~ dia 💜

!In Sickness And In Health!

scenario:-dazai, atsushi, chuuya and ranpo and poe~ taking care of a sick reader!

Pairings:- dazai x gn!reader | atsushi x gn!reader | chuuya x gn!reader | ranpo x gn!reader | poe x gn!reader

Genre:- fluff!

Type:- headcanons

A/N:- DIAAAAAAAA OMG HIII (lets pretend i wasnt talkin to you like a literal second ago😭) i hope you like this and i did you justice! Also i kinda added poe i hope youre okay with that?also thanks for gettin me outta my writers block!

AND NO im proud of YOUUU!

Get well Soon Babes!

Atsushi

I think atsushi would be concerned.

Like depending on what it is you have I think how concerned he is would vary,but he’s still worried

He just wants you to be okay….

Would ask kunikida to take the day off or at least some of the day,to take care of you.

Until you’re better enough to do things on your own that is

Kunikida obliges because,honestly lets be real,atsushi’s already stressed tf out,and he knows that letting the boy worry on the job wont help anyone.

Honestly at first,atsushi’s surprised kunikida agreed so easily,but doesn’t question it!

He rushes home with some of your favourite snacks and surprises you.

I think that since he has healing along with his weretiger ability,he may not get sick as easily?

Or at least if he did,he’d be able to get better a lot faster.

So he’d gladly cuddle up to you if you needed him

buddy aint listening to your protests.

“but ‘sushi,you’ll get sickkk!!!”

“don’t worry y/n ill be fine” *le crawls into to bed and cuddles you*

Would ask kunikida to make you some oden if you liked it (dazai volunteers when kunikida says he’ll do it right after his paperwork,to which kunikida responds by whacking him{dazai} and immediately getting on it)

The rest of the agency would help atsushi with his nerves when he gets back to work

The boy’s just scared okay🥺

Basically,best boy all the way.

I mean its atsushi what did we expect?

Dazai

Honestly,I think he’d be more competent that we’d give him credit for.

We all know dazai’s not actually dumb or a fool.

He just acts like one!

So when you get sick.he knows exactly what to do!

He’ll roll over on bed one morning and when he sees  you sick his joke-y morning musings become serious and he gives you one last cuddle before getting out of bed to make you some okayu (rice porridge, a rather simple dish of rice, salt, and water.) and asks you to eat it

He knows its not the best tasting thing ever,but tells ya that it’ll make you feel better

Dazai Wouldn’t be worried to leave you to go to the agency,he’d rather skip work but kunikida be kunikida-ing😔🤷🏻‍♀️

He does call to check in though!

But serious calls are made privately of course(God forbid kunikida sees he can actually be serious for stuff like this and{tries to make} makes him just as serious about agency work )

He would DEFINITELY tell kunikida that he’s just goin to check on you and leave during the day.

Does he know you’re perfectly okay?yes. does kunikida know youre perfectly okay? No~

And He’s gonna capitalize on that fact~

Wouldn’t be as physical as atsushi would be,but would eventually just say ‘fuck it’ and be snuggly if you want him to be

anything to skip work! (and spend time with you ~)

I think atsushi would be sent over by kunikida to make sure he isn’t killing time.

Atsushi doesn’t snitch obviously! But he isn’t exactly the best liar

Dazai Calls kunikida the next day saying he got sick~~

Kunikida obviously comes by to make sure that this little shit isn’t bullshitting his way out of work again!

Is honestly surprised when he find dazai actually sick.

Dazai.who has NEVER gotten sick…. Goddamit

Crafty bastard

Wait I meant, your crafty bastard

Gets atsushi to bring shit over, snacks, drinks,medicine. Anything! (how can he go get it??? He’s sick toooooo)

The poor childdd isn’t gonna turn dazai down,even though he knows he’s full of shit

Ah just you,your crafty boi and the microbes that got you sick <3

Happy recovery!!

Ranpo

Ranpo,ranpo RANPO

Foodie supreme

I think he’d definitely have some ‘get well’ foods he’d get for you and him to try!

Would he be as dotting as atsushi or as concerned as dazai? Probably not.

Buddy knows you can take care of yourself,sick or not.

But if you asked him to cuddle he wouldn’t be that opposed to it…he would be cautious tho.

Expect for him to sleep on the couch or anywhere away from you

Its nothing personal,he just doesn’t want to get sick.

Losts of take out

I think ranpo knows to cook a little but honestly,he’s not bothered.

He just orders take out! Different hot and soothing foods! He’s make sure youre fed (him too,aint no way he aint getting at least a piece of the stuff he’s ordering!)

At one point when kunikida hears that he’s just been ordering take out the whole time,he himself comes over and cooks.

So does yosano! Dazai offers but he downright rejects him! (oof big yikes)

He’d contemplate askin yosano to make you better,but decides against it…

Honestly,ranpo wouldn’t be bad if you were sick. He’d just be a bit clueless at time.

Don’t worry! Fukuzawa and kunikida and yosano (mainly) are always there to help!

He tries his best and whenever he does anything he’s honestly so proud

Slay babygirl slayy

Chuuya

MY MANSSS

Chuuya would be doting on you,calling to ask if you were okay and making sure you have enough of anything you need.

Mans is takin care of you,what can I say~~

Chuuya is quite responsible and really knows what he’s doing so he’d have the best doctor(or just your doctor if you wanted) to treat you and make sure you’re on the right track to recovery!

He’d take a day,or at least half-day off  work if you needed him,but if it couldn’t be avoided,he’d send one of his subordinates to check on you.

Maybe someone youre more familiar with if you asked?

Is he scared of getting sick?

Not necessarily,he jus cant afford to get sick…

His job is pretty demanding,so he might sleep away from you if youre contagious…

But he’d still take care of you,cooking for you whenever he could and making sure youre all comfy.

If he does end up getting sick from you,he wouldn’t really be mad.

Would prolly beat himself up for bein careless(not for you to hear ofc) but in the end you ride out the sickness together!

If he catches something different to you?

He’s self isolating.

Different apartment.not risking giving it to you!

He honestly just wants the best for you and would do what he had to to make sure that you did.

Now back to if you were sick with him (like a similar illness )

He’d stay in bed with you if you wanted.

King of cuddles honestly.

I can only describe him as tiny but mighty

But he’d make sure you got sunlight and were active at least a little.

You’d do little couple-y things

Cooking together,little crafts

Even readin eachothers fave books!

He definitely makes it as bearable for you as possible.

Lucky tbh :’)

EDGAR ALLAN POE

Hehehehe

Poe with a sick s/o?

Amazon prime? Try Anxiety Prime!

Buddy’s doing everything he can!

Calling doctors,buying medicine,snacks,stuffies anything to make you feel better!

Heck,he’d write you a story to travel into if you were feeling down in the dumps too!

Buddy’s just trying his best tbhh

Oh and KARL

 karl is 100% gonna be there to cuddle you when poe’s not around

Karl is his eyes and ears!

Would he be opposed to being close? If you were contagious? Perhaps.

But he’d prolly even wear a hazmat suit and cuddle you if you wanted!

Either that or he’d just take medicine to make himself immune and cuddle you!

But if youre down really bad he’ll prolly stay on the couch or in the extra room.

Would sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor if you needed supervision or if you wanted him close.

He doesn’t mind!

Poe just wants the best for you and he’ll do anything he can to make you feel better.

If he gets sick too,he doesn’t mind.he’ll just hop into bed and get comfy with you.

Poe’s quite a tall fella so he’ll be able to wrap you in quite a snuggly hug! (he is 6 feet after all! If youre taller than or as tall as him, its still work!)

He has snacks around for when ranpo comes around so,regardless of if he restocks or not,you’ll have enough snacks for when youre sick.

Has separate colour coded pill boxes for the two of you and reminds you to take em daily.you do it together!

He’s be great honestly~

But then its poe,so whats new ey?

All rights reserved © 2023 gettinshiggywithit . Please do not repost, modify or claim as yours.

#🎙jaya speaks #📬jaya answers #💜 dia~ #📚jaya’s tales #🐶🐕jaya’s bungou stray dump🐕🐶 #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #atsushi x reader #ranpo x reader #poe x reader #bsd #bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #bsd x reader hcs #bsd hcs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #chuuya bsd #ranpo bsd #bsd ranpo #bsd atsushi #bsd poe #dazai x reader fluff #chuuya x reader comfort #atsushi x you #edogawa ranpo x reader #poe x reader fluff #bsd x gn!reader #bsd chuuya x reader

[thedeviljudges]

it’s 2024…and the way i still take so much issues with “she’s my whole world line” and whatever the hell That kiss scene was. just what.

fjaslkdfas same but im also like my poor baby gaon going thru a gay crisis a gay panic if u will like fr if i'd been around a hot dilf who was mildly suggestive half the time but only bc he kinda sorta lacked social cues and was also a family man, i too would probably feel conflicted about having my whole world rocked. 💀 you kno dick brain vs the bff you've known ur whole life?? valid struggles i feel like.

lmaooo but also on a more serious note, it is hella frustrating and the kiss wasn't necessary, but also from a narrative pov i get it. is it my fav way the story could've been told to convey the intention? no, but gaon wasn't scared of yohan. he was scared of himself, of being someone different he spent his whole life convincing himself he wasn't - with the help of soohyun and the professor, no less! it's so easy for gaon to blame yohan because one, he's forced people to believe he's the devil and he's an easy scapegoat, but two, a lot of people have that gut reaction to run with their tail between their legs, go back to comfort and situations that were easy. with soohyun, gaon could put himself back into that little box he convinced himself he liked and pretend nothing else mattered. he could have the girl and the job and the quant lil house - go back to when things were normal except do a 180 on his feelings because again, that's comfort, because soohyun is reliable, at the very least.

i think what's insanely funny about it all is even after that dramatic confession, everything gaon does still favors yohan. even if his brain hasn't caught up with his actions, they still possess an inclination of freedom that yohan has now given gaon. like, it's so interesting to see brain vs body bc your physical self speaks volumes even if you're not fully aware of it. and everything about gaon was changed the moment he met yohan.

and just for funsies:

gaon's that little bird in the cage tattooed on his back, tattooed when he was boxed into a world where all he had was soohyun and the professor and declining mental health after his parent's death, and then we see that bird bloom under yohan's stare, ignited by yohan's touch and then fully set free like the phoenix he always was.

#x #the devil judge #kim gaon #answered #anonymous #if u THINK for one minute im over this show think again

[monards]

Currently obsessed with thinking about Rhine and Alice meeting as teens... Alice watching her friend growing older and older than her until the cataclysm. Then she caught up to her... And then started surpassing her.

As much as it hurts her, she's long accepted that losing friends quickly is part of being around humans, but she never expected to have to be the first to die, and she knows rhinedottir won't take it as well as she would've.

(there are two wolves inside of me one wants to spoil rhinedottir and see her happy and the other one wants to see her break)

anon. oh my god. ANON WHO HURT. WHOM/. WHAHT AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i had to take a like. 15 minutes break after getting this, it hurt me so bad. but. we're back now.!!!!!!

I think the ambiguity around both rhine and alice's pasts is what makes them so fun.,,,, but oughhh boy does this take the cake. oh my god. head in hands as i scream.

I'm always sosooo weak to the growing old trope,, and this is just repeatedly stabbing and twisting blades into my heart. i think one of the most horrific things about the curse to me is ALWAYS gonna be the fact they're just stuck in time. they're always gonna be the same,, they can change their style, or whatever,, but they're always gonna be the them they were at the cataclysm... and the way that contrasts SO much which Alice and her almost ever changing enviornment,,, oh fuucjkkkk. Rhinedottir is her constant. Somebody shoot me in the head. I can't even BEGIN to imagine how horrific it'd for Alice to be the only one changing. for once. If they had meet as teens,, i wouldn't doubt Alice would've already been preparing to lose rhine (assuming that, if elves have 'elongated lives' that means they age weird or whatever that entails, and she would've already been through a few things by then to warrant her being a little more. well thought out) and then out of nowhere, after all this mental prep. everythings flipped upside down. and bam. she's not gonna lose rhine; rhine's gonna lose HER. Considering how sympathetic Alice clearly already is,,, that would've messed her up SO bad. oughhh boy i can't even imagine how unhealthily attached in some ways rhine could've grown during the cataclysm itself,, since when literally everything you have and loved is ripped away from you when you're hardly even a fully grown adult by then, i wouldn't blame if she sort of grew into thinking of Alice as the one thing she still had; so i can't even imagine how SHE'D react finally letting it sink in that Alice wasn't gonna be there eventually. ^ And if this actually WERE the case in canon sense (which. for my mental health im desperately gonna pretend it isn't.) ,, it'd make soo much more sense why Albedo goes to Alice with a letter, instead of Rhine communicating herself. Her trying to distance herself from Alice... because she's scared to lose alice while loving her and having her be sooo engrained in Rhinedottir's routine.. so she's trying to distance and separate herself... oughhh boy.

I'm. The entire second paragraph too,,, just about Alice herself being used to it, but not Rhine,,,, it's gonna KILL me. This is reallllyyyy feeding into my rhinedottir-humanization rants,, but dear god does it have to be horrific to experience every thing that humans were never designed to; and only adding to that list of scarring traumatic events its like, hey!!! you know the person you love???? who you sorta prepared to be with for the rest of your life?? well BOY do i have some news for you!!! -- and that makes me. So sad. so indescribably sad. Because realistically,, the average person can only go through SO much. And considering the fact I doubt rhine has really anybody who cares for her in that regard- especially after celestia effectively antagonized her to hell in back, and stuck a big red "sinner" sticky note on her head- i doubt she ever WILL again.,,, so uoghhhh her losing Alice... my heart... she'd be so fucked up after that. Like if anyone thought she went bonkers after elynas and durin got destroyed,, boy do they have something to learn. Especially with how embedded Alice is in her life already as much as she may not FULLY realize it,, they literally have a FAMILY. imagine how horrific it'd be for her to watch klee grow up, and then die too.??? the last part of alice in this world. gone. Oh my god. JEsus CHRIST. I can't emotionally recover from this idea head in hands.

anon you've officially ruined my mind. I will be thinking about this for next week. month. year. the rest of my life, actually. I will lay on my death bed and SOB over this. Thank you

#i broke down into genuine tears when i read this. and had to take a break before responding. #i dont think i will ever. emotionally recover #(give into the wolf that wants to see her break. do it. i dare you) #fuck this needs a special tag #crepe hall of fame #new and improved; #crepe hall of angst #i dont know who you are. or what you want. but i hope you know you've warranted my tears. and permenantly altered my brain #THIS IS MAKING ME SOO SIIICK OH MY GOD #hey guys. just saying i also accept explicitly angst stuff in my inbox too #i like crying #and having my day permanently altered #Rhinealice #rhine & alice #rhine hcs #rhinedottir #alice

[ivegennedmylastloss]

hidey hodey neighborinoes i know i may or may not have disappeared for like half a fucking year but brain does what brain do. since i am now willing to admit that i likely will not find the motivation to write a full length fic like i would want, i wanted to post the “outline” (re: complete gibberish only past me could understand). at some point i’ll try to compile all the tidbits i had sprinkled across drafts and docs and try to clean it up a little but, well, im not even sure what i meant in some spots. hopefully ill pull the writers block out of my ass one day but until then, take this word vomit:

(for clarifications sake, r= red/ranboo, g= green/charlie, b= blue/sneeg, h= hetch, sfm= showfall media)

retelling of ep three from hetch’s pov. mask broke sfm doesn’t know. reset after stab still aware of what he’s doing but can’t control himself. hopeful ending with planning to save the trio and get them out?

the closet sfm is onto hetch so he has to do damage control ran receiving no instructions. things settle scenes been dragging he panics and basically controls r to kill ethan

maybe broadcasted to a different universe. problem w family and friends recognize

maybe broadcasted to rich assholes like in the purge/gladiator type deal?

the face of the hacker wasn’t actually supposed to do things but did anyways

follow up w/ rgb saving him g and b reluctant. r insist they won’t let anyone else die because of them. idk burn the mall maybe torch it like a fuckin wasp nest

employees stop at the door mannequins little nightmares two.

all four struggling down the road maybe r passing out carried by g or b

hot wire a car

traumatize gas station clerk

fire department from fire alarm

hetch flag down car 2 options:

car sped off but called police for them

offered ride to hospital

hetch the sidewalk isn’t wide enough fourth wheel type deal mostly unscathed compared to rgb but smol bean has anxiety and left over programming. weak little noodle arms can’t help shit. b sending hella death glares

b wouldn’t want to help hetch

r electrocuted from attempted mask removal

through the power of friendship and laws of physics or electrical plasma whatever it isn’t fatal hoorah

hetch stunned doesn’t help gb fuckin pissed at him

paramedics confused about what happened to these very dedicated cosplayers that are found half dead barely hours after the live finale

r wakes and is terrified thinking they’re at the box and start screaming for gb. hetch freezes g n b have to be held back by police

hospital r coma from noggin surgery (medically induced for healing cause wtf) g and b want to kick hetch’s ass only stop cause of r

prob not ccs maybe r foster kid hinted maybe

b needs to get to punch someone. american healthcare so probably a doctor or a nurse

hetch medically released first<irrelevant travel distance. hetch watching charlie and sneeg have friends and family going in and out but r has no on so hetch goes

others not allowed in camp out in waiting room. ran wakes up and freaks. competent doc allows them in and r calms down. good doc fights for them to be able to stay in the room psych health. special accommodations are made no tv in room gets a double room for more beds/couches <<needs special room post brain surgery op icu maybe nurse/doc maneuverability <<< maybe one allowed in at a time

^the nice doctor thrown in for pity maybe philza if crossover? detective techno? or both detectives that almost beat the shit outta the responding cops for fucking up the most important case they’d ever get

sfm sends an employee pretending to be ranboos mom. the others are scared but also she is acting like a mom that lost her kid so maybe it’s okay??<< others not allowed in the room since family only? nope ran wakes up freaks cause that bitch ain’t momboo (dead question mark? orphan? don’t tell techno)

employee tries to strangle r no loose ends: doc pulls her off; trio breaks in hetch proves himself?; r is a bamf and defends themself (hitting? reverse uno they strangle her? rips out iv and stabs her?< needle to weak would have to be in eye)

r scared to sleep from cabin electrocution and execution hold hand 👉👈?

carousel saved NO FIRE IF CAROUSEL perhaps a group meet for victims ranboo and hetch reluctant to enter cause they think they’re their murderers. eef spots r and runs to hug him others follow positive to r wary to hetch b says hetch is the one responsible for saving all of them bada bing bada boom happy ending

#generation loss #genloss #gen loss #generation loss ranboo #ranboo #yell at me if i need to remove some tags im still a newbie #this draft has been sitting on my conscience like a tungsten cube and i just wanted to get it out #hello person sorting by new scrolling through the tags i hope you have a good day

[axolozzy]

vent (tw for extreme ablism transphobia and overall terrible stuff idek if i should even post this im sorry i just really need to vent i will probably delete this later)

y’all i’ve finally gotten comfortable vocal stimming in front of people im comfortable with like my friends and family and now my mom all of a sudden thinks im hearing voices or that i have “multiple personalities”????????* like no i promise nothings “going on” with me and j don’t need to see a mental health professional im just stimming because im happy. what the fuck

*also i’ve literally told her for YEARS that it’s called DID and talking in different voices does not fucking mean someone has “multiple personalities” because this has come up SOO fucking much over the years and i’m getting tired of explaining it. i repeat things in funny voices because it’s fun. i’ve done it my whole fucking life it’s called echolalia it’s called STIMMING and she doesn’t listen to me whenever i explain that

so much for being comfortable being myself around people. “you never used to act like this” BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!!!!! BECAUSE I HAD TERRIBLE ANXIETY AND DIDNT WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR BEING WEIRD!!!!!! my parents genuinely think there’s something severely wrong with me now. they literally told me that. because i meow sometimes as a vocal stim. and so do LITERALLY ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE AT SCHOOL. PEOPLE IN CLASS TALK IN WEIRD VOICES AND MAKE ANIMAL NOISES TOO ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!! ITS NOT FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

i’m genuinely so fucking tired of this god who fucking gives a shit of im weird. i’ve been like this my whole life its not my fuckign fault that you didn’t pay attention and don’t remember. FUCK

my step dad’s a fucking dick too i genuinely hate him so fucking much i cant fucking take it anymore. NO!!!! IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH YOU BECAUSE IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK. “why” because im autistic. “that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is bitch its literally a symptom of fucking autism. no i AM going to keep calling myself autistic because thats what i am. no its not “putting a label on myself” because im actually fucking diagnosed autistic im not going to pretend it doesnt exist. because i fucking exist. im not going to “beat” my autism by suppressing all of my autistic traits because you want me to. “why?” DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF???????

and this guy worked in mental health for 17 years. he worked at a psychiatric hospital for 17 years. he never went to college or learned anything about mental health at all. he thinks he knows more than me about my fucking disability when he says the most outdated offensive shit ive ever heard about autism or DID or schizophrenia. he doesnt listen to a word i say because he’s “older than me and has more life experience” and therefore he automatically “knows more than me and im wrong.” he doesnt listen to anyone actually. he literally says to people not to correct him when he’s wrong because he doesnt like being told he’s wrong to being told what to do or think. he’s “not going to change his beliefs for anyone” even if he knows his “beliefs” are literally just fucking factually wrong or actively harmful. he purposely makes people feel like shit if they stand up for themselves against him. he purposely makes me feel like shit because im the only one in this fucking houses that dares to disagree with the shit he says. he’s a republican he’s obsessed with trump and blasts conservative transphobic racist news channels on the tv right outside my room at night so it keeps me awake and doesnt turn the tv down when i ask because apparently he has hearing problems but has never once got that checked out. he deadnames me and says “because of his adhd he’s not sure he’ll ever remember to use the right name so he’s not even gonna try.” and he says he loves and supports me but is constantly saying the most ableist transphobic shit to me and says he’s just giving me a hard time because he loves me. he has said on multiple occasions with a straight face that “fat people piss him off and they’re the one type of people that he doesnt feel bad for being outwardly hateful and discriminatory towards.” he tries to make me feel guilty for not believing in god. he’s anti abortion. he doesnt want me to get gender affirming care under his roof because he thinks its weird and disgusting and doesnt want me to get a dick even though i have told him a million fucking times i never want bottom surgery and i dont know why this is any of his fucking business anyway. he constantly tells me my online friends aren’t real friends and when he knows i love talking to them he purposely turns the wifi off. he asks me why im acting so weird and i say its how ive always acted alone and with my friends and im just being myself and he says “stop acting like that.” “why. im not going to change who i am for other people.” “well i want you to around me.” KILL YOURSELF IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

he’s a manipulative bastard and whenever we get into arguments, SOME FUCKING HOW a few hours later were happy and forgiving eachother and im the one saying sorry. he’s an asshole to me and everyone around him, he’s an asshole to my mom. they are constantly fighting but always deny it. i cant fucking take it anymore

sorry for this vent i know people dont follow me to know about my personal life i know i shouldnt say this stuff but i dont fucking care im so sick of this. i woke up this mornign feeling more excited happy and motivated than i have felt all week and it was ruined the second my mom came in my room saying that the way i act (my literal vocal stims) make her think there’s something severely wrong with me. i love her more than anything in the world she’s the best mom ever but what the actual fuck??????? anyway i hate my stepdad and even though i dont believe in hell i hope he fucking burns

#vent

[livingdreams97]

Emily Dickinson- "The past comes back" (part 2)

Emily Dickinson x fem! reader/oc

Summary: An old friend of Lavinia's returns to Amherst after years out of town and not seeing each other. But what happens when Lavinia's friend turns out to be not only her friend, but two more girls and one of them turns out not to remember her.

Words: 4.176

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Masterlist

NOTE: If you see any spelling mistake im sorry, english is not my first lenguage and i try to do it the best possible.

Y/n's POV

The time had come to reunite with my friends after so many years. I had spent the day cleaning my old room, since we will be here for at least a month and it would not be healthy to sleep in a room full of dust and dirt.

I had changed my dress, for one a little more formal and simple than the one I had worn during the day. It consisted of a egyptian blue long-sleeved dress with details of a dark green similar to brown.

I had pulled my dirty blonde hair up into a low bun and left two wavy strands loose on either side of my face. Once with shoes the same color as the dress, I leave my room and go downstairs holding the dress.

I look for my mother with my eyes on the first floor, finding her sitting on the sofa in the living room and reading a book with total tranquility. I walk towards her stealthily, so she doesn't notice me, and stand behind her .

Y/n: Mother.- I call her and she jumps in her place screaming because of the fright.

Mary: For the love of the Lord, how dare you scare me and laugh on top of that.- she reproaches me with a hand on his heart, turning to see me and finding me laughing at his reaction.

Y/n: You have to admit that it was funny mother.- I assure her without stopping laughing and receiving a not very positive look from her.

Mary: It hasn't been funny, daughter.- She seriously denies. -I'm old now and these scares aren't healthy.- she reminds me and I roll my eyes at her exaggeration.

Y/n: It hasn't been that much mother.- i downplayed it by walking around the room. -In addition, there is a study that says that scares help to have a stronger health and delay the aging of the face.- I explain trying to sound credible.

Mary: And can you know why ? - asks leaving the closed book on her lap and crossing her arms without taking her eyes off me.

Y/n: Because of the endorphins and the adrenaline that is generated in moments of fright.- I respond by looking at the library in the room and avoiding her gaze. -During a scare, the heart pumps more blood together with the endorphins and makes them act with more force on the skin and the rest of the organs.- I finish telling her, taking a book off the shelf and feigning interest.

Mary: And does that study really exist or are you just making it up?- She asks me and I look at her raising my eyebrows offended.

Y/n: Of course the study exists mother.- I answer as if she had insulted me.

Mary: I'm going to pretend that I believe you because of my emotional and mental state above all.- She sighs, closing her eyes for a few seconds. - Are you ready to go to the Dickinson house?- she asks me with a slight smile.

Y/n: As you can't imagine mother.- I respond excitedly. – Finally, after thirteen years I will be able to get back together with the girls and talk to them in person instead of by letter.- i explaine and I see how the smile on his face widens.

Mary: I'm very glad that this trip is giving you so much joy daughter.- She assures me, to get up from the sofa and leave the book that she was previously reading on the table next to the sofa. –Are you ready ? - she asks me and I nod.

Y/n: You don't see me.- I say pointing to my outfit and my hairstyle.

Mary: Yes daughter I can still see, although with your scares one day I can lose my sight and my life.- She reproaches me a bit amused.- But you look beautiful, my daughter, as always.- She assures me holding my cheeks and smiling at me. loving.

Y/n: Thank you mom.- I am happy to thank you for your approval.

Mary: As much as I accept that you still don't want to get married, I don't understand how with your beauty and those beautiful green eyes that you inherited from your father you're still single. - She sighs looking me straight in the eye.

Y/n: Mother we are not going to start with the same again.- I sigh gently separating her hands from my face and taking a step back.

Mary: I'm just saying that a grandson with your face would be a dream, it would be like remembering when you were just a newborn baby and everyone was drooling because of how precious you were. - she says with a small sad face.

Y/n: Mom no.- I flatly deny and she understands that the issue ends here.

Mary: Okay, if you're ready we can go now.- nods and starts walking towards the front door.

I just follow her silently, not wanting to continue the conversation and preferring silence to forced conversation. We put on some light coats, since we are in spring and although it is not very cold at night it cools down.

We decide to walk to the Dickinsons ' house , since it's only a five-minute walk from ours, and my mother knows I need to clear my mind right now.

She knows that one of the reasons I don't want to get married is because marriage means having children and I am unable to care for something as small and vulnerable as a baby.

I do not feel comfortable with the idea of being a mother and I had already expressed my feelings on the subject with my parents. They both understood it from the beginning and have given me all the necessary space about it. But every now and then my mom brings up the subject of grandchildren and how incredibly beautiful I was as a baby.

But there is something that my parents do not know and I have hidden it for many years: my attraction to my same gender. It's not that all women are attractive to me and I like them. But if I can appreciate the beauty of a woman and have I ever thought of a woman as more than a friend.

I have never acted on those feelings or thoughts, mostly because I don't feel prepared and am somewhat afraid of what my family might say about me. But most of all, I am afraid of my father's opinion and what he can do about those feelings.

I know those healing centers, where they practically torture women with the same tastes or thoughts as me. And I'm afraid that if I ever tell my parents, they'll put me in one of them.

Thank God, I am also attracted to men and a possible marriage in the future would not be something so unbearable. But I like a certain type of man, I like those who are sensitive and don't think that because they are men they are superior to women.

The good thing is that in the university there are many boys who think that and they are helping to make the possible admission of women in the university of my family a possibility. That's my kind of man, one who doesn't have a masculinity so fragile that supporting women can destroy it.

I snap out of my thoughts when my mom stops in front of a familiar door I haven't seen in a long time. I feel the palms of my hands sweat, as well as the unbridled beating of my heart and the thousands of thoughts running through my mind.

What if Emily and Sue don't want to see me again? What if they stopped writing to me because they no longer wanted to be my friends? What if Lavinia doesn't like the surprise of my visit? What if nothing is like before? What if everything has changed and we can no longer be friends? Do Sue and Emily still consider me their friend?

Mary: Daughter, calm down.- she whispers to me, holding my hand and leaving a comforting squeeze.

Y/n: I'm nervous.- I admit taking a deep breath. What if it's not the same? What if Emily and Sue don't want to be my friends again? What if...- I ask nonstop and she interrupts me.

Mary: Believe me that everything will be fine and you will feel that you haven't spent a single day apart.- She tells me comfortingly. –List ? - she asks after a few moments and I nod nervously.

My mother knocks softly on the door, letting the people in the house know that there is someone waiting at the door and that they need to open the door.

The door opens a few seconds later, revealing a slim-looking woman with orange-red hair and a cheerful smile. From the clothes I take for the fact that it is someone from the service and I confirm it when he speaks.

XX: Good evening, come in; Come in.- He invites us by opening the door more so that we can enter. -My name is Maggie and I am the assistant to the Dickinson family.- She introduces herself and I smile at her kindly.

Y/n: I am Y/n Harvard and this is my mother Mary.- I introduce ourselves and she smiles happily.

Maggie : I know who you are, Miss Lavinia doesn't stop talking about her best friend and the lady of the house talks about your family from time to time.- She informs us and smiled helplessly at what was said.

Mary: I'm sure that everything Mrs. Dickinson has told you is an exaggeration.- she plays it down with a smile full of kindness.

Jane: Nonsense.- laughs appearing from the dining room. -Mary long time friend.- she greets her hugging her while I take off my coat. -Oh by the beard, Y/n you are huge and beautiful.- she flatters me when she separates from my mother and walks towards me .

Y/n: Thank you Mrs. Dickinson .- I thank her a little embarrassed.

Jane: No lady, your mother and I were like sisters and my daughters and you too.- denies drawing me into a hug. -Besides the fact that I've known you since you were born and these thirteen years have made you a beautiful woman.- she assures me, separating from the hug and staring at my face.

Mary: Every day he looks more like his father.- she assures her and both women laugh.

Jane: She has the same eyes and the same nose as Arthur, but she has your smile, Mary.- She assures my mother. -But don't stand still at the entrance, Maggie picks up her coats and you come with me.- She orders and the three of us do what she tells us.

I barely take a step into the dining room when I hear a deafening scream and someone jumps on me knocking me to the ground. I just scream frightened by the spontaneity and the unexpected attack.

Mary: Now you know what it feels like.- she laughs with other people at the situation.

Lavinia: You're completely different but the same at the same time.- she says a few centimeters from my face and I smiled hugging her tightly against me.

Y/n: Vini!- I exclaim completely happy.

Lavinia: Y/nn !- she exclaims against me, wrapping her arms even tighter and squeezing my neck.

Edward: Up girls.- I hear the male voice of the patriarch and we both got up from the ground with huge smiles.

Lavinia: You've grown.- She points out with a huge smile and I laugh at the obviousness of her statement.

Y/n: It's been thirteen years and the last time we saw each other we were barely 10 and 9 years old.- I remember her rearranging the loose strands of my hair. -It is more than obvious that I have grown during those years, although you are still shorter than me.- I assure her mockingly, earning me a blow on the arm from her and a laugh from the rest of those present.

Lavinia: Idiot.- she mutters under her breath so that only I can hear her.

Edward: It's good to see you again little Harvard.- He greets me approaching and giving me a light hug.

Y/n: It's good to see you again Mr. Dickinson .- I greet him with a friendly smile.

Austin: Little troublemaker.- He greets me with a small amused laugh, walking towards me with his arms open and enclosing me in his arms.

Y/n: Hair nest.- I greet him, returning the hug with force.

Austin: Forget that name, please.- He asks me with a smile when we separate from the hug.

Y/n: You forget mine and then we'll talk.- i smile amused, moving my gaze to the woman on Austin's right side and from whom I haven't heard anything in years. -Hello.- I greet with a soft smile.

Sue : Hello Y/nn .- She greets me and somewhat insecurely hugs me by the neck.- I'm so sorry I haven't answered your letters.- she whispers to me and I can hear the regret in her voice.

Y/n: Vini explained it to me and I understood it calmly.- I assure her before separating from the hug. -Although an invitation to the wedding would have been a nice touch.- I say amused, winking at my friend and hitting Austin's arm lightly.

Austin: Ouch .- he complains rubbing his arm and his wife laughs about it. -I'm not going to go back to four against one, I warn you.- he threatens, pointing his finger at his wife and then me.

Sue : Or come on Austin, don't be exaggerated.- she plays down the importance laughing.

Austin: No, I refuse.- He assures shaking his head negatively. -I've been through those several years and I don't think I'll go through it again.- He throws us in the face with half-closed eyes.

Lavinia: You're exaggerated, we barely looked towards you. - She assures him amused and the three friends laugh.

Jane: Alright guys, sit down at the table.- he tells us and Vini grabs my arm pulling me towards a chair.

Lavinia: You will sit next to me.- She orders me and sits me on a chair and then sits on my left.

When I look up, I meet the hazel eyes that have given me so much curiosity for as long as I can remember and i smiled helplessly. She has changed a lot since she was twelve, but now she looks more mature and much more beautiful.

Y/n: Emily!- I exclaim happy to be able to see her again, but that happiness diminishes immediately when I realize her insecure look and the forced smile she gives me.

Emily: Hi Y/n.- She greets me softly and I frown in confusion at her attitude.

I think it's the first time she calls me by my name and not by the nickname the girls gave me. Out of the corner of my eye I see the look Vini is giving her sister and I can't help but feel like my best friend has lied to me for all these years.

Lavinia told me that her sister stopped answering my letters because she had entered a rebellious phase, in which she spent the day complaining and that was the reason for the absence of her letters. But clearly that was just an excuse for my friend, not to tell me that her sister was upset with me or that she didn't want to be my friend anymore.

I look at my best friend seriously, seeing the embarrassed look she gives me in response and confirming all my suspicions. I sigh sadly, looking down at the design on the plate in front of me.

Emily was the one I had the most in common with, we loved to read and philosophize about any nonsense. And that when we were barely 10 and 12 years old, but we liked to talk about something and think of all the possibilities.

Emily's mind has always been something that made me curious, she always saw things differently and seemed to me the most interesting thing that existed. Wherever she went, I followed and Vini and Sue followed us. You could say that I even admired her when we were young, even now that I know from her sister that she is writing poems and that it is something she is really passionate about.

Our parents used to joke that we were more like a married couple than a couple of friends. Because according to them we admired each other and always argued like an old couple. And when we played house that was the reality, Sue used to be the father of one of the two and Vini was the daughter.

You could say that to a certain extent, I realized that I was attracted to women because of Emily and the way I always looked forward to her letter the most. Before we moved I always wanted to be with her and when we moved I always thought about her, what she would be doing and if she would miss me as much as I miss her.

In fact, between Sue and her, she was the one that hurt me the most when they stopped writing to me and to this day I think it still hurts a little. She was the one to whom i wrote the most, since i tried to tell her everything in detail and still be able to philosophize with her by letter.

But I guess there came a point where she would get fed up with me, or realize that writing to me was a waste of time and she could spend that time on something more interesting. I suppose that the esteem that I had and continue to have for her is not reciprocal.

Edward: And tell us Y/n, do you have a husband waiting for you back in Cambridge or a suitor ? - He asks me and I get out of my thoughts.

Emily's POV

I have to admit that Y/n is a beautiful woman and clearly her personality can be appealing. But even seeing her face, I am not able to remember her and know who she really is. The worst thing is that I think she has noticed and I feel guilty.

When she saw me and greeted me with such happiness, I blocked myself for a second. I didn't know how I was supposed to greet her and I've tried to do it in the nicest way possible. But from the look my sister gave me, clearly I haven't been such a good actress and I only needed to see how the happiness disappeared from her face to confirm it.

The way her impossibly green eyes have lost a certain sparkle makes my stomach twist and the guilt inside me suffocate. I look at her ruefully, watching as she looks down at her plate with sadness and I think a hint of pain in her gaze.

Vine glares at me and I swallow hard with some fear. Lavinia can be a very kind, smiling and funny person, but there are certain things that make her angry and terribly scary.

Like the time I mocked her faith in energies and hid her obsidian for a bit of fun. It was the biggest mistake of my life and her disturbed face still haunts me to this day.

Edward: And tell us Y/n, do you have a husband waiting for you back in Cambridge or a suitor ? - he asks, drawing my attention and feeling a small known pressure in my chest.

I've only felt that pressure when it comes to Sue and her relationship with my brother. It hurts me to see her with him, when we were supposed to be together forever and she ended up marrying my brother. Now I have to see the woman I'm in love with with my brother, causing a pressure of jealousy, pain and sadness in my chest every time they act like a married couple or think of them together.

So I'm surprised to feel that familiar pressure, but what I'm surprised to feel is the response to Y/n and I don't understand the reason for this feeling. How can I feel this for someone I don't know and about whom I only know things that my sister has told me in the last hour.

Y/n: The truth is that no, Mr. Dickinson , I'm not married and I don't have any suitor.- She answers with a small smile and that surprises me.

That is to say, she is a beautiful woman and the man who does not see that is blind. Her dirty blonde hair is the perfect color, which brings out her slightly tanned skin and makes her green eyes stand out more .

In addition to the detailed and sharp features of her face, such as her strong, sharp and feminine jaw, her perfectly shaped nose, her thin but full lips, her perfectly shaped and full eyebrows; and her barely noticeable cheekbones.

That's why I say that you would have to be blind not to see the beauty in her and not stand in line to have a chance with a woman like Y/n.

Jane: I don't believe it, there has to be a man who catches your attention or who is behind you.- says my mother surprised.

Mary: Believe me, Jane, there are guys out there, only Y/n is not ready and is enjoying getting to know herself in solitude. - She comments with a calm smile and I open my eyes in surprise.

I've been asking for exactly the same thing, although it's really because I'm not attracted to men and I'd rather be single than marry one of them. But that she is enjoying being single and that her mother is so clearly on board with it surprises me.

Jane: And you and Arthur agree ? - question clearly impressed.

Mary: We agree with anything that makes our children happy and if that means having one of them single, we don't care.- She answers, shrugging her shoulders and giving her daughter a supportive smile.

Y/n: Besides that I'm focused on my studies right now.- she comments and we all stop serving ourselves the food impressed.

Edward: Do you study? - He asks her and she nods in response. - And what do you study? - asks curious of the answer.

Y/n: I don't really study anything specific, I attend the university classes that interest me the most and depending on that I attend more classes or not.- she answers without giving it much importance. -But what interests me most is science, more precisely chemistry and its use in medicine.- she comments, and everyone except her mother looks at her impressed.

Edward: An interesting field to tell the truth.- He nods impressed and I can see some respect in his eyes. – But at Harvard University they allow women to enter ? - confused question.

Y/n: Not officially, there are only a few daughters of people of money and power.- she answers finishing serving herself some beans. -But my father, together with the rector's office, are thinking of accepting women as official students.- she comments, and I can't help but feel a certain point of envy.

I wanted to go to a class on rashes and I had to dress up as a man with Sue in order to attend. But she can go with complete peace of mind, without having to dress up and go unnoticed by the rest of the students.

Edward: I didn't know that Arthur was considering the admission of women in his university. - comments surprised.

Mary: It's something very recent to tell the truth.- She assures him with a smile. –He have seen how much Y/n enjoys going to classes and sharing the things she has learned in class with the family, making him realize that there will be women with the same interests as her daughter and who want to learn more than she learns in her day to day.- she explains and I can't be more envious of having a father like that in a certain way.

Edward: What parents do for our children.- comments with some amusement and only adults laugh at it.

For the rest of dinner, I can only keep looking at the person in front of me and try to find some memory in which she appears. But I just end up frustrated not finding anything in my head.

Lavinia and Y/n spend the whole dinner talkinganimatedly, although I can see a certain sadness in our guest's aura and thatmakes me curious. I don't know what it is, but something in her calls me and inthe form of a magnet draws me to her.

I don't know what it is what draws me to her but I'll end up finding out.

NEXT

#emily dickinson x reader #emily dickinson #emily dickinson x female reader #emily dickinson x fem reader #hailee steinfeld #hailee x reader #hailee steinfield x reader #hailee steinfield x fem reader #emily dickinson x fem oc #dickinson series #love #lgbtq #dickinson #drama #reader #female oc #female reader #oc character

[moonlightsmasquerade]

Okay , Swap Sub bad ending ( and being cryptic ) time!

My idea is that maybe the other deep ones are able to get Evie to remember her past existence as one of them before replacing the real Evelin , and that's when her humanity slips off .

Ruth was looking for Evie after she just vanished from her house , and unfortunately becomes Evie's first victim in a long while . Dave had been chasing after Ruth to prevent her from going too close to the water , and Evelin attacks him too , but he survives! Though not without losing something : his eyes , so now he wears his sunglasses 24/7 to hide the fact that he's blind .

It's after seeing Ruth's corpse and what Evelin has become , and having been told the whole story by Six not too long ago , that Adam probably has a full blown emotional meltdown . Maybe the deep ones already saw him as Six's "student" in becoming a worshipper , so maybe they're confused on why Adam is crying and screaming when he was supposed to be rejoicing along with them .

"Sweet child , why do you weep?"

The towns are overtaken just like planned , and seeing that the "miracle of God" that he believed in so much did not come to pass at all , I think Mark would give up and finally go into the water .

"We're so happy you've finally joined us , Mark! Cesar and Sarah have been waiting for you!"

I agree that Jonah would run the heck away while he still had time , but you know who else I think would leave? Mrs. Torres and Lynn . It was probably Adam who convinced his mom to flee without him , because he no longer wanted her to be scared for him seeing as his mental health declines .

"Distraught at the sight of her broken son"

After the whole indoctrination and reluctant follower stuff those two anons pulled up , I came up with something . Adam still becomes the "evil fish priest" , mimicking how charming and persuasive the deep ones are when they're pretending to be a human person , but he's doing all of this out of fear of death , but also because he wants to try and do something right for Evelin , since he's still in denial that she was a monster all along . Denial is the first stage of grief after all .

Of course , Six would have preferred if Adam believed what he preached himself rather than doing all of this reluctantly , but it's better than nothing he supposes . Speaking of the ugly motherfucker , he sort of "retires" after some time once Adam begins preaching the worship of the deep ones , but he's still around , looming behind his boy as a reminder not to try anything funny . Adam likes when his once father figure ruffles his hair or hugs him , even though he's aware it's all just tricks to keep him under control . He is just too touch starved to care at times . ( Inspired by the "We have given you , O Adam" passage from Oration on Human Dignity , by Giovanni della Mirandola )

"We have given you , O Adam , protection for as long as you live as our prophet , from whatever harm may come your way , as your mortal eyes and soul are too blind to see them as we old ones do . By your own human nature you are still free to do as you please when not using our word , but you are cursed to remember that you are forever bound to our will and your existence forever chained to ours"

As one last thing on the more wholesome note , Jonny could be a straight cat that Adam found and decided to adopt . He's basically like Adam and Dave's therapy cat . Didn't know where to put so I'll put it here : since Dave now needs near constant help because he's blind , Adam invited him to live together , so now it's traumatized boy and blind tired uncle figure living together with their therapy cat

No ending notes in this one , it's getting too long , so I guess you guys can ask whatever you want as compensation lmao

-Ace Anon

YEEEEAAAAA!!!!! Ooooooh man ADAM SENDING HIS MOM AWAY IM SOBBING and mark just.... AUGAHAH its very hard for me to articulate but I love this... So much

#submandela swap #SO GOOD ACE THIS IS AWESOME #augh RUTHHHHHHH #it all ends in TRAGEDY

[dckweed]

Heyyy I LOVE your writing!!!!

I was wondering if you could do a Billy Hargrove fic like a super long one like the AMAZING Fez one that you did.

I was wondering if you could do one where the reader is Billy’s girlfriend they have an amazing relationship shes on the Hawkins’s track team and she’s the top Long distance runner and he’s the best basketball player they go to each others games and races etc.

She’s basically the girl known around Hawkins High who tamed Billy Hargrove lol (we all know how much of an asshole he is).

Billy is extremely protective, loving, touchy, clingy and at times possessive of her ESPECIALLY at parties. I was thinking of a story line they went to a party together as she goes away to the bathroom after he does his keg stand stand and she gets sexually assaulted in the bathroom maybe by his best friend Tommy H.

One of her good friends (maybe Nancy Wheeler) finds her afterwards in a shocked state after it happened the reader begs her friend to NOT tell Billy and keep the secret because he’s just gotten his anger issues under control and she doesn’t want his progress to go away because he would absolutely murder the person who did that to his girl!! When they get home she keeps flinching under his touch and it scares him and he keeps saying that he won’t hurt her and why is she scared of him

When she comes back from the bathroom she has to pretend to be okay even tho she’s traumatised Billy immediately knows something is wrong but her friend stands up for her when Billy starts interrogating her about why she looks so upset.

Anyways they go home and he just keeps asking if she’s okay because she’s shaking and looks terrified. They get into a big fight about her not telling him everything like she usually does then she has a massive panic attack and starts sobbing and wailing. He is supporting her through the panic attack then he decides to not ask her anymore because she is clearly very upset he pulls her into his lap and she falls asleep they wake up the next morning and she tells him everything and she has to BEG him not to do anything because she’s embarrassed. And maybe he helps her go to hopper and report it and he’s super supportive and sweet to her.

You can choose what happens the morning when he wakes up with her still asleep on his lap but super fluffy and sweet hahaha. Pet names like sweetheart, baby, sweet girl and pretty girl are the best too btw hahaha

Lol I’m so sorry this was so long but I read an Eddie Munson fic similar to all this^^ and it was AMAZING and I think you write Billy Hargroves character SO well.

I am so sorry I didn’t realise how long this was hahaha and only do this if your comfortable of course I just think you would do so well at this because your amazing at writing especially for Billy x

Love your writing SOOOO much xxx

hi love, thank you much for the compliments but i definitely didn't write that fez one! i reblogged it from the original author with a comment to show my followers how amazing it was because it definitely is a masterpiece!

i tried. the entire time this was in my asks and my drafts, i tried..i apologize sincerely but i genuinely cannot write this, for the sake of my own mental health.

i am actually extremely uncomfortable with sexual assault scenarios due to something that happened to me in my childhood, and while i wanted to accept the challenge..the more i looked at this and tried to start it, the more the memories have been at the forefront of my mind, i haven't slept in over a week due to nightmares alone..im sorry..

request literally anything else and i can do it..just nothing like this..

#stranger things #stranger things s2 #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove #hopper #billy hargrove fic #billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargove fanfic #billy hargrove x reader imagine #stranger things s3

[genderisareligion]

Hey there! I wanted to ask for advice, just a couple months ago I meet a boy, and though all the kind, soft, delicate and funny interactions we had I kinda felt for him, I honestly denied it so many times cause I knew maybe I was confusing "being treated like a human being" (cause i spend 2 years in total isolation for mental health issues) with love, and kept reminding me that in the back of my mind I was just really happy to have someone who didn't treat me like shit and really listened and care for me, but in some way I know that's just a facade (from him?) Because idk, males are shit and now that im so vulnerable and starving for love maybe I'm trynna fulfill this "fantasy" where he loves me for who I am and all that stuff, and idk maybe it doesn't make sense? I'm a little high while writing this and just spitting my thoughts as I write, and I don't have anyone to ask or talk bout this, and I hate that I'm putting all my trust and emotional stability in his existence? Because honestly I don't wanna be near men anymore, cause I know the starter pack of a male is basically being a misogynistic piece of shit, consuming porn, etc, etc, but pretending he's a nice guy, and today a new manager came to work with me (he quitted from work, thats how we met) and honestly she's soooooo beautiful, like gorgeous, and he came to just say hi and told me to go eat together after my shift, and that he was gonna wait for me and also one of his friends, when we were eating, his friend mentioned that "he heard from someone" that my new manager was beautiful and wanted to work there to tal to her blablabla and I kinda felt jealous cause the only person that saw her was the boy that I "like" and kinda made me felt super self conscious about my appearance (I try to be as far from the beauty industry and cosmetics etc, thus i have notorious facial hair, moustache, a big nose, dont use make up, have crooked teeth, small acne scars, you know just a normal woman lmaoo) and I kinda starred thinking in the old ways (patriarchy: should i fix my nose? Maybe if i shaved people would look at me differently, maybe i should get rid of this black spots in my face in a expensive spa, because i feel like a goblin and maybe i would be more loved that way) and I hated it, it scared me, and couldn't shake the thoughts, and kinda feel jealous of beautiful woman, i wished i could have and feel what they do, but I just know that that's just a lie, but idk I kinda feel terrible, I don't wanna "hate her" just cause I felt jealous for a boy that maybe isn't even the greatest shit but idk how to stop feeling this way and stop falling in this misogynistic rabbit hole to the patriarchy again

Hi. My advice for you is to not beat yourself up about feeling this way, jealousy via internalized misogyny can happen to the best of us, even me (in the homosexual way but yeah). I'm sure you're right and you just look like a normal woman. What's really helped me over the last decade, when it comes not judging myself by patriarchal Barbie doll standards as they become more the norm and not comparing myself to other women for any reason, is to just kinda unplug from media as much as I can. Social media but Instagram and Snapchat especially, as well as like just Hollywood shit and film in general, in which women are made up 10x as heavily as males like 99% of the time and so many of these narratives are about some woman just orbiting some man.

The narrative that we (even me) should be competing for male attention is everywhere, even when it isn't explicit the beauty industrial complex has the male gaze as its main benefactor ($$$) and director, so much so that unless you're like Amish or have never seen an advertisement no one is really immune to the propaganda. This guy you like may actually be sweet and not a typical porn addicted moid but (and I really do hate to say this I wish it were different) the odds of that happening are probably slim.

If they aren't though and he's your future husband to me it still says something that you're feeling off about the tension this is causing in this moment. It's good you're at least sitting with it and considering your negative response to this other woman

#ask.txt

[dykegrrl]

i jus started crying again

i know how badly my mental health is affecting my ability to spend quality time with my family and friends. im scared im missing all of my life because im so mentally fatigued that i can hardly remember anything and just like. im just straight up not there anymore. i really don't want to let my mental health affect me but the more i ignore it the worse it's getting. i don't know what to do anymore. ive become a complete danger to myself and i CAN'T prevent it anymore. no matter how hard i wish i was normal with normal emotions and a healthy way of swapping between those emotions, i am not, and i can't do any of these. i have an "all-or-nothing" mindset that is just destroying everything around me. ive ruined all of my relationships. nobody wants to talk to me anymore, nobody wants to be near me, or even be SEEN near me. the only people ive talked to this week are you guys and my parents. nobody else. i can't just put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine anymore. the mask ive desperately hid behind is decaying in my hands. it's gone. ive shown my true colors to everyone. i am a horrible person and i don't know how to stop myself.

i could have avoided all this. my mom was willing to get me help. she's trying her best and im just completely shutting down and failing on her. i feel bad but i can't even stop myself anymore. i feel like nothing is going to get better for me. im a lost cause. i don't deserve to go this long without hurting myself. it's a punishment for everything i've done.

#ned flander's very own blog #vent

[just-a-dumb-gay]

I think I just found out why i crave validation online from strangers (like comments on fanfics). And why praise and compliments on something I done always make me so happy.

I rarely got rewards as a kid for doing good things. And Ive gotten even less as I've grown up.

TL;DR (because there's explanation and tangenting below the cut): I pretty much never get or have gotten praise or rewards or anything similar because I was doing things that I should be doing anyways because society perceives it all as normal and easy and it's only gotten worse as Ive gotten older. So now my achievements and cool stuff being acknowledged with genuine enthusiasm means the world.

SO GO GIVE POSITIVE VIBES TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, ESPECIALLY ANY KIDS IN YOUR LIFE, EVEN JUST A REALLY COOL STRANGER ONLINE!! IT MAKES SO MUCH MORE OF A DIFFERENCE THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE REALIZE!

Actual accomplishments? Nope. Perfect report cards (minus attendance because I'm not superhuman, I got sick like 99% of other kids. And just gym ew it was so boring) and endless praise during parents night (because gifted kid plus a pile of anxiety and autism that was scared to get in trouble).

Now I wanna specify I did get little things like some sweets or like a couple pounds as pocket money but that was 9/10 times for helping with chores or something that I didn't HAVE to help with. Those things I done because I wanted to help, and ngl a few of the tasks were fun so I wanted to do them without expecting anything in return. So just a quick side note but still somewhat relevant.

I should also specify since the adult Im closest to is my dad, his opinion and everything means way more tor me than it should.

I never even got a simple "I'm proud of you" from my dad (who has seen me every day minus like a month in total in my entire 18 years of living). And he taught me A LOT outside of school. Life skills, creative skills, problem solving skills. Even when I do good with all of that honestly I don't think he's ever said that to me even Once. Now I don't have it as bad as many many others because I would still get things like "Good job" or "Well done" but they were kinda half hearted and its still taken its toll on me. (Because even though others have something worse doesn't mean we're not allowed to have strong feelings about our personal situation)

I have an abundance of health issues and doing so many things has became extremely challenging for me. Yesterday, I went to my first medical appointment completely alone, and it was a dentist appointment and I have deppresso teeth so dentists are terrifying. When my dad got home from work I was telling him about it and everything and how happy I was it went well despite now having a temporary filling in a tooth Im most likely gonna lose. Yknow what his reaction was after I had tangented for like 10 minutes out of happiness then had to stop and take a breath? "Okay I'm gonna finish eating my dinner now" in his 'im pretending to joke yet I'm being serious' tone (which is a whole other issue). Like... dude... I managed to do my first bus journey, medical appointment and mild medical procedure completely 100% alone, 3 things that absolutely terrify me, AND YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR FOOD?!

My partner said they were proud of me multiple times yesterday. My friend hyped me up and offered enthusiastic and entertaining support. Those 2 and 2 other friends (one I dont speak to quite as regular and another who ive been friends with for roughly 9 years and am super close to but we talk like 1 or 2 times a month) are always super supportive in their own individual ways and Im still not used to it, and I don't think I ever will be.

So I guess long tangent short. My accomplishments were always just treated as average things that were expected of me similar to just simply being at school on time. And anything I created usually had a flaw pointed out (not in a constructive criticism way, Im always open to constructive criticism) and the most that'd be said is "Looks good" or "Thats nice". So now praise and/or enthusiastic support (both are equal to me) for accomplishments mean the absolute world. And comments on fanfics or any other sort of positive acknowledgement of something I created makes me feel like what I done was actually a good use of my time.

I could say a lot more but I just need to rant for a bit, and this is probably gonna get like 3 notes max.

#neurodivergent #gifted kid burnout

[crayondinos]

okay so i just kinda want to word vomit/rant a little and the only person who would be okay with that is like SUPER busy rn now so i don't want to bother them

i've been volunteering for the parks system the next county over and it has been awesome! i haven't told any of the people about the jw stuff and my mom hasn't joined me so they all just know me as an awkward homeschooled kid! i'm terrified of mom or dad telling them about being jehovah's witnesses and ruining what i have going. this is my only connection to the outside world since none of my job applications have gone anywhere and if i lose it...

speaking of the job stuff, i got told that the parks director might want to hire me!!!! most of the jobs available want you to have a drivers license and i'm waiting to get mine till i turn 18 (only 4 months till then btw) so we don't have to pay for classes cause its like 500 dollars.

i have a part tonight. i'm sick of this. i wasted several hours of my life working on it. the worst thing is, well the two worst things ig are 1: i am really proud of how good it is and 2: i'm looking forward to maybe being told that i did good. the last talk i did the chairman said i did 'incredible'. he said it from the stage and i really liked it. i hate that i liked it.

i hate all i have to do to keep up the appearance of being a good jehovah's witness. i hate doing service three to four times a week and doing my bible reading -actually i kind of enjoy the studying but i hate that i have to do it to avoid suspicion- and i hate having to be "neutral" and i hate having to pretend to agree with everyone's political views despite the fact that we are supposed to stay neutral! LIKE NO MR. BROTHER MAN I DONT GIVE A SINGULAR SHIT ABOUT WHOS IN OFFICE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM NOT FREAKING SUPPOSED TO!!!!!!! i hate that i seem to be the only one acting the way jehovah's witnesses are supposed to when i don't even believe this stuff.

there was a bible study, we'll call them R, who started coming to the congregation my family goes to and mom got really attached to them. then R blocked the person studying with them, my mom and numerous other people. I never got their phone number. R stopped their study. my mom cried alot about it. i had to pretend to be sad but in reality i was so freaking happy. they had just graduated high school and they had short cut purple hair and lots of ear piercings and they did marching band. they gave such gay vibes but i have no idea if they are. we ran into R at the grocery store after the meeting a few weeks ago and they were polite as was mom. mom avoided saying anything about the meeting to make us seem more approachable i guess? thats how she explained it later to me in the car. mom waited until we had walked far enough away and then hugged me, hard, when she pulled away her eyes were wet and i felt like a piece of shit for not caring about what had upset her.

i have a car, my aunt moved across the world to be a need-greater and she gave it to me. i'm paying her back by selling some stuff for her.

i don't like myself. i inherited both my parents anger. i feels like the anger twisted together to create a person whose muscle fibers and bones are made solely from hatred, hatred for others, hatred for myself, hatred for life and for death. hatred for almost everything. i don't want to be shunned by my family. i love my family just as much as i hate them. they are everything to me but i can't live in this awful religion forever. i can't serve a god i despise for my whole life. i can't tell people they will see the people they love alive again when i don't believe it. i can't pretend to agree with the hatred this organization is practically weaved with. im so fucking scared. i'm scared of my family hating me, of my mom, dad, little sisters and little brother not talking to me again. i know my dads not going to live for more then a decade. he has so many health problems. i hate that at his funeral i most likely will not be able to talk to anyone, i know that i will be disfellowshipped once i leave. i'm queer and planning on committing so much "serious sin" and i'm not going to be sorry, not one fucking bit.

i would kms if i wasn't such a coward

#rant post #ex jw #pimo #tw vent