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glowingspence · 3 years

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Extended family

Summary: "What if Cat had Spencer's child and Spencer is left to take care of it? At least he has an old friend to help him.”

Warnings: Past sexual assault, self-harm

Paring: Platonic Moreid

Word count: 1621

Ao3

Chapter 1:

"Please, please stop crying" Spencer whispers, holding the baby in his arms. He has dark blond hair but brown eyes,dressed in baby clothes that JJ dropped off this afternoon. "Please" Gently he moves his hand to the baby's head while his screams fill the small apartment. "You have everything, there is no need to cry."

He had been crying for the last hours and Spencer is at a loss what to do. He did everything he could think of. It doesn't make sense for him to cry, he shouldn't be crying, he should be sleeping.

They are on the floor, Spencer sitting crossed legged, looking down on him. Cat had named him Theo, Spencer had agreed. She will never be a mother, he figured the least he can do is letting her decide the name of her child.

"You are safe, Theo. You can stop crying." He begs again, tears running down his face. He has read enough studies to know that the baby needs him and that he can't just place him in the crip Rossi had built with Matt this morning.

Why did they leave? Why did they have to go on a case? He doesn't know how to take care of this baby. He hardly ever felt this alone. "Please, stop crying" Spencer sobs. "I can't take it anymore,please."

He had tried so many things, even his own comfort item he had placed on Theo's chest but it hadn't helped.

Frustrated Spencer starts hitting his head against the wall behind him, the screams of the child feel like they are getting louder and louder. Like they burn themselves into his brain and he holds him tight, he doesn't want to hurt him. He won't be like his mother, he will be better but he can't stop this anymore. He can't stop hitting his head because it sends out these little calm rushes through his body for so quick seconds and when he hits fast enough they come again before it hurts.

And then someone takes him out of his hands and there are voices and he can finally move his hands and he starts flapping them, he wants his child back but on the other hand he is finally not feeling his weight on him anymore, he doesn't have the responsibility but the calm only holds for seconds until he panics. What if the neighbors called the police? What if someone takes Theo away and he will get hospitalized like his mom? What if they find out he can't take care of him?

Derek and Savannah had driven down here after JJ called them, telling them what happened with Cat and that Spencer is alone with a child that is the result of probably one of the most traumatizing days of his life.

Derek took the child and handed it to Savannah who started speaking soothing words to him, getting him a pacifier while Derek tries calming Spencer down.

"Watch your head, please" It had been years since he watched a meltdown but he still gets the same nervous pitch in his stomach when he sees Spencer hitting his head against the wall with full force. "You two are safe, it's me, Morgan. Your baby is with Savannah."

He gives him a few moments and then tries getting his attention again. "Spencer, can you hear me?" Disoriented Spencer reaches for him and grabs his shirt when he finds it, pulling at it. "I am here, I am here, kid" He places his hand over Spencer's. "We are gonna help you now okay?"

"Theo"

"Is that his name?"

"Theo, my baby" He brings out and hits his head against the wall a couple of times again. "Mine"

"We are not taking him away? Do you wanna hold him?"

"Mine"

"Okay, you can." Savannah walks over to him with the now quiet baby, placing it in Spencer's arms again.

"You are already a natural at this." She exclaims with a soft smile. "Look at you"

"My baby"

"You have a beautiful boy there." Derek tells him and gently touches the head of the baby. "Look at those cute little cheeks."

"Small"

"He is very small." Savannah answers. "But that is okay, some babies are smaller than others. We have babies with all kinds of sizes at the hospital."

"Hank was even smaller and he is fine now." Morgan reminds him. "We are gonna take you two with to our home okay?"

"Mine"

"I know, pretty boy. It's your child, nobody is taking it away from you." Derek calms him while Savannah reaches up to his head, wiping the hair back and spending some comfort. "We are gonna take you both okay?"

"Why?"

"Because then we can help you just for now okay? Just to get things settled." Derek explains and knows he is using Spencer's state of irritation and exhaustion from the meltdown to convince him easier.

"You are not my friend anymore, remember?" Offended Spencer turns away shielding the child from Morgan and twitching his head ones so that Savannah let's go of him.

"Why not?"

"Because you left" Spencer states, a tear dropping down on Theos jumper. "Left me alone."

"I know but I am here now."

"Had to do everything alone then."

"I know,kid. That wasn't fair."

"All confusing."

"I know, I can't imagine what you have been through." The first weeks after he left the team he didn't hear anything aside from messages from the them how Hank is doing and how Savannah's recovery is going but then he got a call from Hotch telling him that he has no idea how to help Spencer and that he has no idea what he can do to help him so Morgan came back one time to talk through what he did to accommodate him on cases but when Spencer saw him at the office he started crying so badly when he learned Morgan was just there for a quick visit he promised himself to never do that again and he had hurt Spencer in the progress bad enough for him to never call or text him ever again. "I am gonna take Theo now okay? Can you let Savannah check on your head?"

"Don't wanna go with you"

"It's okay, honey." Savannah assures him, rubbing his back. "We are gonna make you feel at home okay? We have a guest room and a room for Hank we have enough space for both of you. We are just gonna drive over to our home so we can help you and if help means that you don't want Theo with you we can still help you okay? This is okay, whatever you are feeling."

"My baby"

"I know, it's gonna stay your baby. We are just gonna help you, like you helped JJ or like Jessica helped Hotch."

"Don't want to give him away"

"You don't have to, it's your child. I promise we are not taking him away. No one is taking him away." Savannah soothes him and eventually Morgan can take the baby from Spencer. "Okay, can you look at me for a quick second? Just gonna check for any sign that you hurt your head."

"What is Morgan doing with Theo?"

"He is gonna place him into baby carrier so we drive with him." Savannah explains and checks his head being relieved to find no injuries. "I am sure you will want to pack something right?"

"Are we going to drive over now?"

"Yes" Anxious Spencer starts tapping his chest, and looking to the floor. "What do you wanna take?"

"My blanket"

"We can pack that, come on." She holds her hand out for him to take, nodding in Derek's direction to show him that she got this. "Do you have a bag somewhere?" Shyly Spencer points at his go bag from work that Savannah drops onto his bed and takes the old clothes out. "You just tell me what you need for the night, okay? We can always get your other stuff."

"Blanket"

"Right here." She pulls it over and folds it so it fits into the bag. "What else?"

"Theo has my stuffed animal. I want it back."

"Doesn't he have his own yet?"

"No"

"Okay we can buy one tomorrow what do you think?"

"Please."

"I am gonna get it for you okay? You don't have to share it."

"Don't want him to break it"

"That's okay" All she has in mind is her husband blaming himself years after his own abuse for it and for it to happen to so many more children. She just wants to make Spencer as soon as possible feel understood and that whatever he is feeling is okay and not something he has to suppress. "Why don't you pack the rest?"

"You are just gonna take me to your place right?"

"Yes we will drive to our house."

"I am gonna hurt you if you try locking me up"

"We are not locking you up." Savannah tries calming him. "I promise you we are just taking you to our home together with Theo."

"If you lock me up I will make sure Cat will come for you-"

"Deep breath. We will not hospitalize you because you had a meltdown. That happens because of your autism which you had your entire life and were perfectly able to handle. We are just helping you with the transition to having to take care of a baby and we will look together for solutions so you are not alone but it's your child, your little baby and you are his father. You decide everything, you always have the last word. We are just here to help you two."

#extended family au #my writing #spencer reid #derek morgan #savannah hayes #angst #autistic spencer reid #fanfic

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kiribaku-queen · 4 years

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Home [9/10]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader, Kirishima x reader

Fluff, angst, werewolf!au

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of mental health, mentions of suicide and self harm, depressive episode (might make you feel really sad because it made me depressed af), might break your heart and cry your eyes out

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: Please read the trigger warnings! I originally created this series for this chapter specifically. So I apologize in advanced if this made you uncomfortable, didn’t go with the flow of the story or made you feel really sad. This scenario originally popped up in my head because I was feeling down and decided to write it down. I’ve toned it down a lot because I was afraid and am still afraid it’s too much for some people to handle. But nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist!

Summary: Being called the beauty of the clan isn’t as nice as it sounds. The beauty of the clan is supposed to exude confidence, power, and well, beauty. You were quite the opposite, only possessing one of those traits. Yet, the older you got, the more you fit into the role you were given. After your brother and all the boys of age come back from their training period, it was time to find a mate. But who will steal your heart? Is it Bakugou, the rising leader of the pack, or is it Kirishima, the personal guard and the strongest in the pack?

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“Where did you go?” you questioned Kirishima with sleepy eyes as he was quietly entering the house. It was well past midnight and you could have sworn he went to bed a long time ago. Yet here he was, wide awake and coming back from somewhere. Kirishima was frozen in his steps. He needed to make up an excuse and fast. He was usually very careful to not make any noise when he sneaks out, so naturally, he was panicking and thinking of anything to say.

“I was… just getting some fresh air. I had a lot on my mind,” Kirishima lied. He slowly walked up to you and ruffled your hair a bit. “Let’s go back to sleep.” He turned you around and led you back to your room. But as soon as he walked up to you, you smelled it. He smelled like Bakugou and… someone else. It couldn’t be. There was no way. Uraraka? Why did he smell like both of them? You tried to push it away, thinking that you were just imagining things because you were so exhausted. But that didn’t stop the sharp pain that you felt in your chest.

You really wanted it to not be true and that you were hallucinating, but that was getting really hard to believe when you started seeing that he would sneak out weekly. You purposely stayed up to see if he would leave, and he always did. And every time he would come back, he would be smelling like her. It left a bad taste in your mouth. You didn’t want to believe that he was seeing her. You didn’t want to believe that Uraraka was taking another person away from you. You didn’t want to feel unwanted again.

Instead of dwelling on your feelings and activating your quirk, you decided to put all your feelings into baking. You searched the cabinets and find out that you were only missing a few ingredients to your sugary treat. You were putting your shoes on and ready to head out the door when Kirishima came up behind you.

“Heading out?” he asks. You hum in response, not really happy to see him. Even though he doesn’t know that you know that he’s been sneaking out, you still felt upset and betrayed. So you were acting indifferent towards him. “Let me join you.” Kirishima starts to put his shoes on to head out with you. But you stop him.

“It’s okay. I only need a get a few items anyway,” you tried to convince him to stay but he denied your request.

“How could I let you go alone? Not very manly,” he says and beats you out the door. You sigh. Kirishima was so head strong that no matter how hard you would try, he would never listen because his heart was already set on something. So you had no choice but to let him join so for a quick errand.

You both headed into the market which was already busy with people. Alright, you were going to head it, get what you need and head right back home. No time for dilly-dallying. Sugar, sugar, sugar. All you needed was sugar but why couldn’t you find any sugar? Your eyes scanned the different stands present and was unable to find any sugar. Until one white packet caught your eye. You sighed in relief. One packet of sugar left. You quickly jogged over there before anyone else could get their hands on it and right when you put your hands on the bag, another hand was already on top of yours. Both you and the stranger retracted your hands, flustered.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized and looked up at the stranger who was grabbing at the same bag. Or so you thought it was a stranger. Soft, crimson eyes met yours as you both stared at each other in shock. How was it that you kept seeing him? Bakugou took the bag of sugar and extended his hand to give it to you. You looked at the bag and back at him. He was already looking away, waiting for you to take the bag from him. Feeling guilty for taking the last bag of sugar, you reluctantly took it and then it was just you two standing there awkwardly.

“Did you find the sugar, honey bear?” Uraraka’s high pitched voice echoed through your ears. Honey bear? Give me a break. You rolled your eyes as Uraraka clung onto Bakugou’s arm from behind.

“(y/n), there you are. Don’t run off like that,” Kirishima jogged up to you with concerned eyes. He spots the other two that you were with and frowns. Shit, he thought to himself. He tried so hard last time to try to get you guys to avoid them but how was it that they were always showing up? He glances at Uraraka and she was already eyeing him. She squinted at him, letting him know that he needed to concentrate on the mission. Although it was small exchange of communication, you caught them staring at each other. And another sharp pain stabbed at you.

Uraraka glances at the white bag in your hands and tugs harder on Bakugou’s arm.

“Was that the last sugar?” she asks Bakugou who was looking at you with sad eyes. His silence gave her the answer. “(y/n) dear, do you mind giving us the last bag of sugar? We probably need it more than you do anyway,” Uraraka gave you a fake smile and extends her hand to grab the sugar away from you. Before you could say a snarky remark back, Bakugou was forcing her hand down and turning her away from you guys.

“We can find another bag,” he comments and drags her away.

“But we’ve been looking forever!” she complains and is eventually dragged to another stall to look for their bag of sugar. But not before Uraraka gives Kirishima another look and signals for him to wrap it up. You see her signaling to Kirishima but take that as a secret message between them two only. You clenched your jaw because you were so angry. You turned around to head home, steam running out your ears. Kirishima was quick to follow, sensing anger coming from you.

You slammed your groceries down on the counter and continued to gather your ingredients in silence. Kirishima was standing to the side, watching and observing your every move. He noticed that you were avoiding him and acting different around him lately but he didn’t know why. And after that encounter with Uraraka and Bakugou at the market, your mood turned sour and now you were taking your feelings out on the baking you were doing. Kirishima was deciding on what was the best way to approach you. He wanted to ask you what was wrong, but he didn’t want to bark up the wrong tree. He could let you be, but would that make you even more angry that he was ignoring you? He wanted to comfort you but if you were mad at him, did you even want him near you? He didn’t want to act normal and pretend that he didn’t know what was wrong. Fuck it…

Kirishima slowly walked up to you as you were prepping at your wet and dry ingredients together. He wraps his arms around your waist cautiously and rests his head on top of yours. You sigh and put whatever you were doing down and rested your hands on the counter.

“Why are you mad at me,” he asks softly against your scalp so that only you could hear.

“How could you not know?” you whispered back, close to being in tears. Talking about your problems was one thing, but talking about it while you were still emotional? Automatic waterfalls. But you were going to do your best so that you didn’t cry. You turned around to face him. His grip on you loosened but his hands still rested on your hips. “Honestly, I’m more than angry with you. I feel hurt and betrayed,” you confessed. Kirishima furrowed his eyebrows with concern and he could feel his heart squeeze. You felt that way because of him? That wasn’t a good feeling.

“Tell me what I did wrong. Let me fix it,” he says, determined as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. But you push his hand away, which makes Kirishima frown.

“Can you really fix your relationship with Uraraka?” that question catches him off guard. He was confused by your question but it also made him anxious. Did you figure him out?

“Uraraka? I don’t even know her,” Kirishima lied straight through his teeth. And you could tell. Judging from your expression, you were deeply hurt by his response.

“Now you’re lying to me?” you asked in disbelief. Before he got a chance to respond, you were pushing his hands off you and started walking away.

“(y/n),” Kirishima tried to grab your hand but you stopped him.

“No! You’re lying to me, Kirishima. I already know about you guys. I know you’ve been sneaking out to see her. I saw you two looking at each other earlier and I saw her giving you signs. I may not know what it means but it’s already enough that you come home smelling like her. You know what she did to me yet you… you still,” tears streamed down your face and you bit your lip out of frustration. You were beyond hurt. You couldn’t continue speaking but there was just so much to say. You were sobbing and letting it all out at this point. Kirishima could cry from seeing you break down. The sight of seeing you being completely vulnerable in front of him broke his heart but also knowing that this was all because of him made him feel an asshole. He didn’t know how it got this far, but he never intended to see you hurt from his actions.

“(y/n), me and her are nothing. There is nothing going on between us, so,” Kirishima tried to approach you again with open arms but being so emotional, you pushed him away from you by his chest, rejecting him.

“NO! I can’t trust you! You’ve been lying to me this whole time. Was I just a play thing for you? Did you just use me as a past time so that you could be with her? Was that it? Or were you just jealous that Bakugou had everything? He had everything you didn’t,” you started yelling and spitting insults like they were water. All you saw was red and didn’t even know what you were saying. But it flipped a switch in Kirishima. He was becoming impatient and his eye twitched at the mention of Bakugou. “Uraraka is his now so you decided to throw me away so that you can have her? You never liked me. You were just using me to get back at Bakugou. God, you’re such an ass!” you screamed and started punching him multiple times in the chest. He stopped your hands midair as you just continued to be hysteric. He waited until you calmed down. Heavy breathing and sobs were the only sound occupying their ears.

“Call me all the names you want. Accuse me all you want, but maybe you should also be truthful about your feelings,” Kirishima suddenly says. Upon hearing that, you stop crying momentarily to look at him, confused, shocked and in disbelief. Suddenly, his eyes were cold and didn’t convey any feelings whatsoever. His eyes were dead and stared at you with cold eyes. “We’ve been flirting all this time. You even kissed me. But you still have feelings for Bakugou, right?” he suddenly accuses you.

“Are you serious right now?” you pry your hands away from his grip and cross your arms across your chest. He just shoves his hands in his pockets.

“You say I’m using you. But are you not doing the same to me? You’re just using me to get over your feelings for him. I see how you look at him. Deep down, I know how badly you want to go back to him. Well guess what princess? There’s another woman in his life and that’s not you. So you should just give up on your fantasy of being with someone who you can never reach,” Kirishima’s voice was getting lower and lower with each word, deep enough that it could be considered a growl. As you were saying hurtful things to him, he was saying it right back. That earned him a painful smack on his left cheek. You paused. You were so angry that your body just moved on its own. You didn’t mean to smack Kirishima but it was already too late. He stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. You stood in place, taking in everything that just happened. All the words exchanged, the actions, the emotions. Tears started pouring from your eyes once again. You retreated to your room and locked it so that no one could get in.

You couldn’t sleep that night. Your fight with Kirishima was replaying over and over in your head. Each time, making your heart hurt and fresh tears would stream down your face. It was too much energy to keep Black Ghost in, so you let her manifest next to you.

Poor (y/n). First Bakugou didn’t want you, know the second lead doesn’t want you either. You rolled your eyes and covered your ears to try to block her out.

Maybe there’s a reason why they are both going after Uraraka. She’s rich and she’s got all the looks. She puts you to shame. A new beauty enters the clan and now you’re a nobody. Fuck, that hurt. The more and more negative comments Black Ghost makes, the more you started to believe in her and everything that she was saying. It made sense. Maybe there was a reason why both Bakugou and Kirishima are infatuated with her. Maybe you really couldn’t compete with her.

Another day, another morning patrol with Bakugou. But that’s another day to give (y/n) a rose. He couldn’t bare to face you at the market. Not after confessing his feelings for you and getting rejected. It’s more comfortable looking at you from afar and giving you roses was the best way to do it.

He removed himself from the regular morning patrol once again to head to your place, not failing to pick up a rose on the way. With ease, he pulled himself up to reach your windowsill and gently placed the rose in a place where you can easily see it from your bed.

“Bakugou?” you called out, curiously.

“Shit,” he curses. He jumps at the sound of his name which causes him to lose his grip and fell down a few feet to the ground below him.

“Oh,” you jumped just as much as him from his fall and ran to see if he was okay. Bakugou groaned as he got up and rubbed his head. You stood at your window and leaned as much as you could to see him. “Are you okay?” you called out to him and he just waves to you, indicating that he was fine. “What are you doing here?” you asked him. He climbs back up to meet you at your window. He picks up the rose with a shy smile.

“To give you this,” he confesses. You took the rose with a blush peeking on your cheeks.

“You’re the one who has been giving me roses every day?” you look at the rose and back at him. All this time, you thought it was Kirishima who was doing it. To think it was Bakugou… “But, why?”

“You like flowers. And seeing your expression every morning is worth it,” he says with sincerity, staring at your eyes. Following them wherever you looked.

“You shouldn’t be doing this, you know. What if your fiancée finds out?” you continued to stare at the rose, fiddling with the stem. You couldn’t believe Bakugou was leaving flowers for you this whole time. Despite telling him to that he should stop giving roses to you every day, your eyes were soft upon looking at the flower.

“You like them.” was his answer.

“No…” you lied quietly. Bakugou scoffed at your response.

“Liar. Actions speak louder than words,” he says. You clear your throat and adjust your position. Looking at the rose again, you looked back up at Bakugou.

“I’d like them even more if you brought them to me in person instead of hiding,” you said and gently smiled at him. He smiled back.

“Noted,” and you two just continued to stare at each other without exchanging words. Until he broke the silence by announcing that he had to get back to the group. He’s about to jump off your window when he looks back. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he declares and with a final wink, is off to join his group. You giggle as you watch him leave, butterflies entering your stomach. You were shocked at this feeling because you hadn’t felt like that in so long.

You left your room and entered the kitchen. Sero and Kirishima were seated at the table, eating their breakfast. Sero greeted you a good morning. Kirishima just looked up, glanced at you and continued eating. He was ignoring you. Fine, then you would do the same. You passed him to get a glass of water and walked straight back to your room. When Kirishima heard the door slam shut, he let out a frustrated sigh and leaned back in his seat, his mouth full of food. Sero just looked at Kirishima and back at your door, quietly observing.

Every day for the past couple of days were like that. Every time you passed each other, no words were said to each other. You guys were living in silence and it was suffocating everyone who was living there.

One morning, you were chilling on your bed when you heard a knock on the door. You glanced up and Kirishima’s head was popping out.

“Can we talk?” he asks. You sit up on your bed and he fully enters your room. He walks over to your bed and sits next to you. There was a few moments of silence between you two.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. You secretly glance at him and he just looked like a sad puppy. “I said a lot of hurtful stuff the other day. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I just got angry that I couldn’t control myself and I just-” he tried to continue but you stopped him.

“No, don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing. I don’t know what came over me. I got so angry and upset that I let that get the best of me. God, I feel so embarrassed. I must have looked crazy to you,” you buried your face in your hands out of embarrassment. You heard him chuckle.

“A little bit,” he tried making a joke but you just looked at him with an unamused expression.

“Eijirou…” you whined. He put his hands up in defense.

“Okay okay, too soon.” He looks at you again, this time with more passion. He moves your hair behind your ear and moves to cup your face.

“Wait, Eijirou,” you put your hand on top of his to stop him. But you were interrupted when a rustling noise coming from your window.

“You said you’d like them in person, so I came in person to bring your flowers,” Bakugou appeared outside your window with a bouquet of roses in hand. He freezes when he sees you and Kirishima. He was in your bed, a hand cupping your cheek. He sees you have a hand on top of his. Even though you two weren’t together, a shot of pain hit his chest.

“Bakugou wait,” you push Kirishima’s hand away, earning an annoyed look from him. But it was too late. Bakugou had dropped the bouquet of flowers, jumped down and started walking away from your house. You got up from your bed to call out for him but turned around to Kirishima also standing.

“Unbelievable,” he breathed out, shaking his head as if he was disappointed. Before you could have a say, he was storming out on you once again. You were left alone, completely baffled. A hand went to grab a fistful of hair, messing up your already messy hair.

“What the fuck just happened,” you talked to yourself, now grabbing your head on each side and clenching hard. This whole situation was giving you a headache. Your breathe was getting faster, your heart beat was picking up the pace and a rising nervousness was fast approaching. You didn’t have anyone by your side. But that wasn’t entirely true.

You rushed to find your brother and find comfort in his arms. He was in his room, listening to music with headphones in. When he saw you entering his room with a red nose and tears running down your face, he was quick to embrace you. You cried in his arms for a while before telling him what was wrong. When you had calmed down enough to not gasp while talking, you told him everything to every single detail. Sero continued to cradle you in his arms while he listened intensely.

You finished your story and waited to hear what your brother had to say. Only, it never came. You looked up to see if he was still paying attention, and he just had a look on his face. A look that screamed disappointment. You got up from his embrace and stared at him in disbelief.

“Why do you have that look on your face?” you asked. No answer. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” your voice cracked from crying so much. Sero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“(y/n), I don’t know how to say this. They have a right to be mad at you,” he says. And you just stare at him. Did you hear that right? Was your brother against you right now? He sees the look in your eyes and how you were going to cry again so he firmly grabs your arms. “I know you’re upset right now, but try to see it from their side. You still have feelings for Bakugou but are starting a relationship with Kirishima. Both of those guys are just as confused because you don’t know what you want. And your feelings got you into this mess,” a single tear dropped, feeling soulless.

“That’s not what I wanted to hear,” you whispered, barely audible to even you.

“I know. I know… but you need to hear the truth even if it hurts,” he said just as softly. You knew that. But even if you knew that, all you wanted was to be comforted at the moment. And your brother failed to do that. You got up from his embrace and without a word, started walking back to your room. “(y/n), I’m trying to help you!” he called out.

“Yeah, well you didn’t help!” You screamed at him, and slammed your door shut. You dove face first into your pillow and released all the emotions that were built up.

Morning turned into noon. Noon turned into evening. And evening during into night. You watched as a whole day went by passing you like it was nothing. You saw the rising sun set and now it was dark outside. You didn’t get up from your bed. Not to eat. Not to drink or even go to the bathroom. The bed was your safe space. There, no one could criticize you. No one could tell you that what you did was wrong. No one could judge you for being confused. As night time rolled in, Black Ghost appeared next to you once again, but more intense this time.

They all abandoned you.

You have no one.

That must mean that they don’t love you.

She’s right. They all left. Bakugou left you for Uraraka and now stormed off, mad at you. Kirishima was the same. You thought he really liked you. You thought he really cared for you. And you found comfort in him after your breakup. But he is some sort of relationship with Uraraka now and he’s mad at you too. Sero was supposed to be your rock till the very end. But he isn’t on your side. No one was on your side.

You’re not worth loving. See? Everyone you ever loved and trusted abandoned you. You’re just a pretty face with nothing to offer.

“That’s a lie.”

Is it? If you had anything to offer, then why did they leave?

“Because…”

Because you were meant to be alone. It’s not fun being lonely, is it?

“No, it’s not…”

Then join me.

Eh? Your eyes had glossed over and Black Ghost was starting to have full control over you. The more and more vulnerable you were getting, the easier it was for your quirk to control you. And it was easy. All she had to do was whisper pretty lies and you were gone.

What’s the point in living if you can’t enjoy the world with anyone?

Everyone is mad at you. You can’t come back from this.

Join me, and you will never be lonely again.

Follow me to the window.

As if on command, your body was moving by itself and you were standing, slowly walking to the window. When you got in front of it, you stopped.

That’s it. Living is no fun anymore. Let someone else live a life that you failed at.

Open the window.

Your arms lifted up and pushed open the window, a rush of the cold night breeze hit your skin. But you couldn’t feel it.

Good. Step onto the ledge.

And you did so. Black Ghost came dangerously close to your ear and whispered.

Jump.

A/N: If you or anyone you know is suicidal, please reach out for help. You can talk to me or seek professional help. You are not alone.

National Suicide Prevention lifeline: 800-273-8255

Tagged: @goodpop9 @superblyspeedydragon @tspice283 @marvelobsessedteen @rosetheshapeshifter @cabbagesquadfam @bnha-iamhere @theartsydoodler @taehyungbbe

#bakugou x reader #kirishima x reader #bnha bakugou katsuki #bnha kirishima eijirou #katsuki bakugou #Kirishima Eijirou #bakugou imagine #kirishima imagine #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha imagines

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fandom-monium · 6 years

Text

In Your Eyes - Episode 4

Soulmates - Heterochromatic Eyes AU: In which the soulmate system isn’t everything it seems and Shouto could be the only one who sees it.

Previously in Episode 3

You frown as you feel the ground vibrate with someone’s quiet footsteps. You prepare to confront whoever’s behind you, but you jolt in surprise upon hearing ice crackle like thunder. Then a high pitched yelp and an audible thud. You turn to see Mineta laying flat on the ground behind you. He sits up and rubs the back of his head, groaning in pain. You notice the gleam of the sheet of ice he sits under and your eyes follow the trail to a boot clad foot.

You gawk, catching a glimpse of Shouto’s grimace just as he turns and briskly walks away. Your lips part to call out to him, but he’s surrounded by his friends before you could say anything.

Shouto avoids your every attempt to get him alone after that. Hide in the crowd. Use a different route to class. He’d gone so far as to skip any class he had with you. You huff. For someone with red and white hair, you begrudgingly admit he made a good pavement artist.

But why wouldn't he talk to you?

You replay your last encounters with Shouto several times, checking if you'd done something to upset him. You pull your hair in frustration. You've only talked to the guy like twice. What could you have done in that time to upset him? Knowing that the boy was ignoring you made your chest ache. You don't understand why and you brush it off, but the faint ache in your chest only grows stronger each day he avoids you. Defeated, you run a hand over your face and sigh. Forget it. There’s more important things to do. The feeling will fade eventually.

It isn't till a full week after the Mineta incident that you find him.

It's late. Soft beams of light seep through the windows, revealing charred spots and puddles of water. Shouto stands at the center of Gamma Gym, hair disarray and his t-shirt stained with burns. He breathes heavily, body hunched over and eyes unfocused as he wipes the sweat from his brow.

He knows you’re smart. Smart enough to track him. To avoid you in and out of class meant he had to stay away from places he usually hung out like the library. But all that had taken time away from lessons and training. He had to make up for it somehow. Managing to get permission to use the indoor arena for tonight, he worked to catch up on training.

“Why are you avoiding (Your name)?” The silence of the arena snarls at him, and the shadows seem to pulsate with life.

He takes another deep breath and straightens up, pushing his bangs back with one hand.

“Why are you avoiding (Your name)?”

He gets into a fighting stance and digs his heel into the concrete floor.

“Why-”

Shouto grits his teeth.

“-are you-”

Eyes narrow in concentration.

“-avoiding-”

Fists clench, muscles taught.

“-(Your Name)?”

His left side flares to life, illuminating the arena in shades of orange and red.

The question plaguing his mind. Shouto hates it. Hates thinking about it. So he distracts himself, continues to go through his usual training routine and drills. He goes through the motions again and again, until the only thing he thinks about is his next move and not your whereabouts or what you must be doing now. Were you still looking for him? Do you really care? About him? Enough to pursue him?

But even as he throws a jab at an imaginary opponent or roundhouse kicks at the air like it insulted his mother, the question lingers in the back of his mind like a tiny insect. Annoying. Unfortunately, you can't squash thoughts like a bug. If only it was that easy.

So, why is he avoiding you?

He knows part of the reason is because you relentlessly attack him. It’s become so bad, it’s been noticeably affecting him in and out of class, which is the reason he’s started avoiding his classes recently. He’d be speechless when called upon to answer a question, or during afternoon classes, he’d still beat opponents and complete the activities, but his performance wouldn’t be as efficient or quick as usual. It didn’t even matter if you had the same classes anymore! You’d still manage to catch him with your quirk, the effect somehow feeling more suffocating than before. Still aggravating. In hopes to remedy the issue, he opted to self study in the dorms or practice after school, even if it cost him a couple hours of sleep. The distance dulled the effects but didn’t stop it. How can he stop you? No. The real question was: Why do you use your stupid quirk on him when he hasn’t done anything to you?

Your quirk: To adjust someone’s heart rate. But during the Hero License exam... how can you manipulate the ground too? Do you have two quirks? No, that’s not it. He’s missing something. He’s sure of it.

Shouto recalls the few times you two encountered each other, but he can’t remember what he did to be on the receiving end of your wrath. Since then, your ability to mess with him has only gotten stronger. He needs to continue keeping himself out of range. Avoid your “Heart-Quake” quirk. Avoid the unusual pull of it. Just keep avoiding you.

So, why does that hurt more than what your quirk ever did to him?

You didn’t seem to realize it, but forcing you at bay seemed to do more damage than good to Shouto. Being ill near you. In pain away from you. So, if he can’t be near you or far from you, what is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to fix this… this mess?

Should he report you? No, that’d seem as if he’s whining like a toddler. Like he’s weak. Maybe find a doctor? Yeah, a professional. Perhaps they could fix him. Cure him of this illness. Wait, no that wouldn’t work. These were the effects of your quirk. Not a disease. Consulting a medical specialist would do more harm than good. Then that means...

Shouto pauses in the middle of his training, laying a hand flat against his heaving chest.

“Shouto?”

His heart jumps, flinching both in surprise and the familiarity in the voice. Even so, he turns away from you. A bead of sweat runs down his temple. Stay calm. Don’t let (Your Name) get to you.

“What are you doing here, (Your Name)?” Shouto questions over his shoulder. His eyes barely find your murky outline in the darkness.

“Um, I saw lights flashing from the windows-”

Ba-bump.

Shouto grits his teeth the second you speak. He clenches his hand over his heart. Deep breath. Deep breath. Don’t lose your cool.

“-I just thought I’d come check out what’s going on-”

Shouto hears you shift from across the ground floor. You’re near to the doors, and he knows he had shut them when he arrived earlier. He wonders how he didn’t hear you come in.

Ba-bump.

His chest - no - his heart? It aches. It’s being pulled again. However, this feels different than when you encountered each other over summer. It feels more like the first time he saw you. Shouto suppresses a groan. Yeah, that’s it. Almost like then. Almost. His heartstrings are being pulled, and it’s even stronger. The feeling similar but not entirely the same. It’s not urgent like before.

“-but I see you’re just training-” Shouto hears you step towards the door. Panic spikes in his chest.

It’s…

“-So, I guess I’ll leave you to it.”

Desperate.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Another tug and Shouto grunts. He hopes you didn’t hear that.

But you did. Shouto curses as you pause, turning back to him. He can almost clearly imagine your brow furrow with worry. Your tone is laced in genuine concern as you ask, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, (Your Name).” Shouto cringes at his own hoarse tone, but it can’t be helped. You need to get away. He needs to get away. You’re a dangerous opponent, and you’ll kill him at this rate. With a shaky breath, he turns towards you and demands, “Just leave.”

Despite the dark gym, you seem to manage to locate him just fine as you take careful steps in his direction. Shouto flinches, backing further into the shadows reflexively.

You stop, huffing, “I will not. You’re voice sounds strained. Did you injure yourself?”

Tug. It jerks his body and he nearly falls forward. Toward you. In a panic, he steps back, gripping both of his hands over his heart almost protectively. “No,” Shouto gasps, breathes ragged. Another step back.

“You’re lying,” You scoff. Another step towards him. “Here, let me see. Maybe I can-”

Shouto's head shoots up at hearing your footsteps again, closer this time. He throws a hand out to stop you. “No!” He clears his throat. “No, just-just stay right there.”

To his relief, you listen. A faint beam of light pouring from the window catches you, making you visible enough. All he can see is your form from the nose down, but he now clearly sees the frown on your lips.

“(Your Name)... why are you here?”

Taken aback, you cock your head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean? I already told you.”

“No, I mean: why are you here?” Shouto emphasizes, gritting his teeth. Bu-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. He ignores the aching thrum of his heart and his eyes narrow. “The Shiketsu exchange students haven’t had classes here yet, so you can’t have known where this gym is. Assuming someone outside of the class could have shown you, that still doesn’t explain why you’re out passed curfew.

“Aside from that, the guest dormitory isn't anywhere near here, so you couldn’t have seen any flashing lights from the dorm windows. Which means you voluntarily left, but I doubt you were granted permission to be here at this hour.”

Shouto presses his lips together. “So, I will reiterate. Why are you here, (Your Name)?”

Your tongue pokes out and it catches his eye. He follows the movement as you swipe it over your lips. Then you bite your bottom lip and he stares. And stares and stares and stares, and Shouto tells himself to stop staring at your lips.

He’s still staring. Damn it. What the hell is wrong with him?

“I don’t know,” you mutter.

Shouto snaps his attention away from your lips, his eyes searching for yours through the darkness. “What?”

You swallow, stammering, “I-I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” He mimics, grimacing.

Your hands twitch at your sides. You can feel his his scrutinizing gaze, making you fidget. You stare at your shoes. “I don’t.”

“You don’t have a reason for wandering all the way over here at this hour? All the way across campus?”

“No, okay?” You snap, glaring at Shouto’s murky figure outlined in the shadows. “What is this, an interrogation?”

Your eyes barely catch him as he shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You snarl, gaping at him incredulously.

Shouto blinks. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, you are not excused,” Hidden in shadows, your eyes narrow at his dark silhouette. “First, we were getting along great last summer. Now you've been ignoring me since I got here. If anyone should be interrogated, it should be you.” You sneer, “Don't even try to deny it. You aren't exactly subtle.”

For a second, Shouto doesn't respond, clenching his jaw so he doesn't say something he might regret. A flash of guilt makes his heart twinge as you bristle with indignation, but he’s quick to convert it to anger. Why is he feeling guilty? You’re the one attacking him with your “Heart-Quake” quirk! But he wonders…

Bu-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Bu-bump.

“Why do you care?”

You frown. “Hm?”

“Why do you care?” Shouto shouts, his lips curling. His heartbeat roars loud in his ears, and he doesn’t flinch. Instead, he embraces it. For once, he lets his normally calm expression twist, his fury at you and what you do to him flowing like a dam that burst. His grip over his heart turn his knuckles white. “Why do you care so much about what I think of you? We barely spoken to each other twice, and you don’t strike me as the type of person to pursue others that don’t give you their time willingly.”

“Shut up, you don't know me. Like you said, we've spoken twice-three times now. You don't have the right to ask me anything,” You growl in return, fists clenched.

“Then I guess we both have some unanswered questions.”

You bare your teeth and your nostrils flare, quieting for a moment. Shouto feels your eyes on him despite them obscured by shadows. He notes the way your body tenses as you begin to lean your body slightly towards him. It’s anything but amiable. He expects you’re about to give him a real shouting match. You roll your shoulders.

“Fight me.”

Okay, he didn’t expect that.

“What?” He exclaims, bewildered.

Your tone somber, you angle your body vertical to him as you crouch low. “You heard me.”

TO BE CONTINUED

oml, I’ve been getting comments on Wattpad (obv I also published Soulmate AU there) and this person commented that they wanted to be Mineta’s soulmate and reasoned “boys will be boys” and now other readers started up an argument? A debate?? It’s not a big deal, but I sat looking at the comments either cringing or gagging. I don’t have to give reasons for why Mineta can be a piece of shit because I’m sure majority of you are mature enough to understand why.

Oh, and another person (again on Wattpad) commented on “Episode 4 coming soon”, saying that it’s “taken a while”. So, now I’m salty and now withholding from publishing this on Wattpad for “a while” because this hoe is being impatient and doesn’t understand I will take as much time as I need and want because I’m the bitch that wrote it.

So, shit’s about to go down. Both in this episode and maybe on Wattpad??

Check out my other works

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neohorse-blog · 7 years

Text

If I had wings

“rain, rain, rain”’

Adventure, all it takes for a small person to win a big fight. I never won a pretty life, but I always win a happy, chatty and an energetic family and also lovable friend’s that I can talk to from day to day about my problems, break ups and girly secrets.

“I’m going out”’

I was always a loved child in the friend’s group, but some feel like I’m being treated differently from the rest of people in the friendship ‘gang’. They try to protect me if there is any bulling in; around my life, social life or even just being out going alone.

Smell of fall is the first thing I sense when opening the front door. Orange, red and brown colored leafs falling down the oak tree near the barn. Dogs barking in the neighborhood, cats calling for milk, birds flying to warm countries, others staying and summer animals hibernating, getting ready for summer I guess.

“While the power of friendship is a year round affair, there is something about fall that fills me with the overwhelming urge, no matter what I am doing, to grab my friends and family and hold onto them extra tightly. Fall makes me want to run, jump and experience as much as I can with those I care about. It’s so easy to get tied down with the mundane in life. The day-to-day tasks we convince ourselves to be so important. The ones that take us away from living and being in the moment, and fostering meaningful, and irreplaceable relationships with our friends and family. Let’s face it, without the power of friendship, there would still be fall, be there would be far too few feelings.”

Forest, deep down in the misty medium lit forest. Barely can see anything apart when walking deeper and deep I experience some unfriendly chills running down my Spain. Not a long far from the distance, about 2 miles ahead I’ve been told there is a shed. A small shed with tools for chopping the trees down I think. I think I might be told a lie because the forest near my house been taken a good care of my great granny then my gran and family generation. From what I know nobody committed suicide, been buried alive or eaten by some wild animal. I just enjoy these autumn walk through the forest. It brings me back the childhood memories off when mom was still alive. She was a very loveable person. We spend so much time together, every second counted of our mother – daughter love. She always told me

“No matter what happens I’ll always be right by your side and guide to your success”

While walking through the dark forest I was thinking about what my mommy would always tell me before I fell asleep so I know I’m always safe with her. I am a brave little girl but……

“You are safe with me. You are never going to be alone in your life. You’re always loved”

“Who’s here?” I said in a calm voice

I heard littles boys voice. It sound like he wanted to say something, but more in a singing voice. I couldn’t really tell because he’s voice was really soft and high. I kept moving forward. At first sight, I wanted to go back I thought there would be no harm if I explore.

“Turn around, turn around, turn around” Whispering into my left ear

I got really bad creeps now. I couldn’t do this anymore, I’m even scared to turn around. So my last option was just to run fort my life.

It starts off with an aerial view of the big city lit up at night; think Vegas. The view pans around for a second before it switches to 3rd person view where I can see myself and I’m sitting at the bar table, drinking and looking around. The mood surrounding me is festive, everyone is laughing and slapping each other on the backs telling jokes and sharing drinks.

Next think I know everyone’s faces in the large room turn and stare directly at me, dropping whatever it is they’re doing (or drinking) as I hearsee peoples glasses fall to the ground and shatter. They gasp and everyone’s face has a look of terrified horror on their face as if they just saw the devil himself./

This is where it got weird.

Everyone went into “fast-forward mode” through the front door of the bar like it was Black Friday at Wal-Mart…except 20x faster.

The camera then pans back to the aerial view of the city and the lights everywhere start flickering out till the whole city is swallowed by the night.

This time it switches to 1st person view, and I feel as if I’m in the body of my future self. I begin taking unsure steps forward, since everything is pitch black around me; crushing broken glass with every other step. I stop when I feel a hot raspy breath breathing down the back of my neck.

I turn around and see two blood red eyes like those of a devil staring into me. It’s eyes then smiled at me and it gave me a raspy sigh..

I woke up the next day in some strange mysterious room. It was dark, but a bright light shined up from the other side. I wondered if it could be an angel coming and taking me from this cruel word and into my mother’s hands.

“Gentle like a puppy, soft like a feather and small like an ant”

The light was coming closer. So, close as if I can touch it from a faraway distance. What could that be possibly.

My glory was sharp, but my strength was strong. This is the day I will find the real truth if dad is still out there. My hope is low, but my journey is big. I pack my stuff in to my bag pack and sneak out at night through my bedroom window so my gran doesn’t see or hear me. I know I shouldn’t do it because she will be sick and worried about me, but there will explanation for me if I don’t find it out for myself.

Alarm beeped to 3 o'clock meaning time to leave and also the devils hour. I took the doves and made a long rope of it looking like Rapunzel’s golden hair. Climbing down the golden hair and away for my big adventure I guess.

Flashlight on……..

The road was dark like my soul, road mysteriously bald and my skin pail of the cold fear. I wouldn’t be expecting something bad happening whilst walking on the side walk as its finishing and there is no other path way. I kept walking till I reached the end and a car from nowhere pulls over. I can’t tell exactly what kind it was, what color or who it was in it because I didn’t turn around to look. I just didn’t want to get in a mess or something bad happening like getting kidnaped.

A person from the car knocks on the window of the car twice. I was tempted to look, but I managed to hold myself and kept walking forward just after the side walked reached its end. I stepped on the road that looked like nothing and which goes to nothing, but the driver didn’t give up. He just kept falling me like some kind of creep that wants to rape a young girl. After walking good 20 odd minutes he pulled over shouted “HEY, GET BACK HERE”

I ran as fast as I could, until I run out of breath. I managed to hide in some bushes I found on the edge of a cliff. It was a dangerous place to hind in, but it was the only thing that was around near me. Of course I could of climbed up and hidden in a tree, but nah. Let’s not try and break something when you’re in such a terrible situation like me. I was shivering cold of this impatiens. I didn’t know where he was, who he was or what he wanted from me. I came out of me 'hide out’ and checked if it’s a safe zone. I saw no danger, it was safe to go. After 10 mins he got me. I was useless, then and now. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t, all I wanted right now is to be safe and sound in my bed, thinking that all of it was a bad dream. It was hard to thinking about anything right now as I’m being dragged by an older man

The old man opened back door of his car and told me to get in. I didn’t want to listen to his instructions, but I didn’t want no trouble so I just listened what he told me and juts got in. I had no clue where he was going or where the hell he was talking me, but for sure I knew I can’t be one-hundred present sure that I was safe.

The old man asked “Are you enjoying yourself?”

I replied speechlessly “Yes I am”

“Hahahaha, I don’t want you ending up bored by the time we get home” He said with a smile on his face

We ended up in a mansion I suppose. I felt more like I was in a palace because this place has gotten a lot of beautiful flowers like red roses, daisy’s, dandelions…… and also a cherry blossom tree where I know this is not a miracle, but I thought hummingbirds where flying around like mad. I don’t know how they got here, but it was a magnificent thing to experience.

“Do you like it already?”

I jumped with an exigent “I love it here”

“I’m glad you like it already” The old man we a grin on his face. I thought he’s got a trap planed or something, but right now I just wanted to explore what I’m seeing and memorize this amazing place

The old man showed me around the house the only doubts I was having was that nobody else was around in the house apart from him. At least some house cleaners. Nope, it was just him. All alone living in this huge mansion from my perspective. He looked at least happy living on his own. Never seemed as he was unhappy. The old man yelled at me as if I was death or something.

“YOUNG LADY. COME HERE RIGHT NOW.!!! Did I tell you that you can walk off”

I just stood there, faced toward him and said nothing

“Answer me or are you death?”

“yes sir” I answered in a calm voice

“yes sir what??”

“yes, I have been a bad girl and I shouldn’t off walked away” I answered as if I was about to cry

“now you know what’s waiting for you”

I screamed for help, but this how or the place I was in. it was miles away from anyone to hear me. just hoping and fingers crossed that someone would come. Whilst I waited. I was imagining what would happen if all of this was over. What if life is much better in heaven rather in this cruel world. What if………

Being undressed in the middle of the night by a strange man. Un zipping his trousers and pulling into the bed like to love birds. Making it sound like we are having fun. Not having under aged sex. Just having the time off your life.

This was nothing, but a sexual molested abuse for me. my life was hard till this day on. I tell my kids this story because they wanted to hear about my childhood experience and what I went through. So now I’m spreading this love to all my wonderful readers and tell them thing before you do something bad as well and know in whateve situation your in everyone is always on the lookout for you

#story #2000 words #Wattpad #strong language #sad #emotions #good #interesting

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bearhyog-blog · 7 years

Text

{ self-para } You made me believe forever was a thing

It had been 6 and a half months since Sanghyuk’s life took a turn for the worst

1. He had upped his regular exercising time and intensity 2. He had come first several times on Overwatch 3. He had gone shopping with Taekwoon hyung twice a week 4. He had been to the movies more often than he had in his childhood 5. He had visited his family once every two weeks 6. He had written and composed new music on his own 7. He had walked Dagger for hours on end every free morning he had 8. He had cut sugar completely 9. He had learned all the names of his now favorite youtube stars 10. He had even started taking 10 minute showers. Cold. Imagine that.

Because... 1. He had to be exhausted at the end of the day so he could sleep 2. The game kept his mind busy with things other than his mistakes 3. He could use the time out with someone who would literally not say a word the whole time and ask him how he was 4. Movies kinda worked like the game. But in this case he didn’t have to stay home and socialize when the guys were home. 5. He needed the sense of belonging, the feeling of being home. 6. About his break up. About his heartache. Because it was the only time he allowed himself to feel anything at all. So he put it into his music. He turned everything into art, into something beautiful. 7. He loved the dog. It reminded him that he was still capable of loving someone and not harm them. And he needed the fresh air. 8. Sugar gives you rushes of emotion, whether they’re good or bad. In his case, no good emotion could break through the cold waill he’d built around his heart. 9. Because he couldn’t bare to watch TV with the others, he stuck by the corner with his laptop, watching every single stupid or funny video he could find to relax his mind. 10. Showers make you think. Warmth allows your body unnecessary cravings. He couldn’t handle either.

So yes, Sanghyuk had basically turned into an emo teenage boy with a good sense of hair fashion.

It had been his fault. She had left him because he wasn’t able to control his jealousy, to focus enough not to be overwhelmed with it and therefore hurt the first thing that moved. His own source of happiness, his one and only true love, the girl he’d do anything for, the only person in the world he would have died for. Gone. Just like that. Gone forever.

He had thought about contacting her multiple times but what good would that have done? After the way he treated her, he could only expect one thing from her: that she would move on. And hopefully she had because she didn’t deserve to be treated that way, to be on the look-out of when her boyfriend was going to strike her again.

As Hyuk whistled for Dagger to return to him that morning, he turned around expecting her to come running so when she didn’t he tried again. But nothing. With a skipping beat of his heart he turned around and made the way back where he’d come from. “Dagger!” he called out and whistled again.

“Sangyuk oppa! Sangyuk oppa!” a soft, high pitched voice connected to a face as he looked for the source and he instantly sighed in relief to see his dog beside a trusted human.

He approached them with a warm a smile as he could pull off. “So that’s where she went”.

“She recognized me and it seems she likes me. Look!” the girl crouched down and Dagger attacked her face with kisses. But Hyuk wasn’t mean enough to tell her Dagger did that with almost anyone she met.

“So it seems.”

Her name was Jang YeEun and she had been introduced to him as a joke by mutual friends in the industry. They got to talking when she and a bunch of other people had been invited over to the dorm for Jaehwan’s birthday. “Enough with the noonas, Sanghyuk-ah.” Hongbin had stated and so BamBam saw it fit to push him against a couple girls chatting behind the couch, like boys did in middle school. With a homicidal look in his eyes, Hyuk cursed his hyung’s friend under his breath and turned immediately to apologize to the victims of GOT7′s breadstick.

A month later, they were dating.

As in, going on dates. Nothing official.

Which sickened him to the core but how else would he ever get better if he didn’t let go of Heeyeon? Yeeun was an incredible girl but she wasn’t Hani. She was a good dancer, a good singer, a good person, sweet, caring, somewhat shy at first, gentle, beautiful... but she wasn’t Hani. No one would ever be her, not even compare. But he had to try. He had to convince himself that second best was all he would ever get in life. God, it was so hard. It made everything extra difficult. But what else could he do? He had to try... He had to try.... He was trying. He had to consider himself lucky because he got a second chance at love with a great girl. He kept trying to talk himself into believing he wasn’t feeling anything because it was too early on in the relationship (if you could even call it that) but... he never felt like being with her, his heart didn’t skip beats, he didn’t miss her, he didn’t think of her, he didn’t text her...

He had kissed her. He had gone much further than that too.

But she wasn’t Hani.

“I thought I’d meet you here, Hongbin oppa said you took walks with Dagger in the morning. I hope that wasn’t too forward of me?”

“Not at all. Are you here alone?” her face lightened with a smile. She probably throught he meant to ask if it was okay to... what, kiss her in public? Walk her home? Buy her coffee?

“I... am, yes. Do you wanna go somewhere? I’m free.”

“I have work.” he simply said and called the dog over.

“What time?”

“Uh... 3, I think.”

“Well, maybe we could go have lunch together?”

“I have to drop Dagger off at home.”

“That’s okay. I’ll come with.”

Fuck. Today just wasn’t a good day. It was a blue day, as he liked to call them. Mostly because it was when missing noona hit him the hardest and all he wanted to do was hide his shameful face from the world. But with Yeeun he would have none of that. He knew she meant well, probably encouraged by Hongbin to make him feel better, who knew, but he just wasn’t up to par.

“Sure.” he agreed because he didn’t want to be impolite but at least he’d come up with the work lie so she would have to leave him before 3pm.

Jeesh. What a sucky boyfriend he really was. He beated the shit out of his first girlfriend ever and he kept ditching the second because he was still pining over the first. Well done, Hyuk. So mature.

But it wasn’t that simple. How could it be with him.

No one understood how much Hani noona had meant to him, still did. If anything, they were a freaking disney couple, there couldn’t be anything more perfect than what they had had. His members would engourage him to see other girls, his other friends actually did something about it and his family kept asking about getting a new girlfriend and when was he thinking about giving them grandchildren. They didn’t understand. No one could.

Hani noona wasn’t a fantasy to him, she wasn’t a noona adventure, a first girlfriend tragedy, a disposable cum bag, an idol interest. She was his. His every reason. His every breath. His best friend. His most treasured possession. His partner. His future wife. The mother to his children. His moon. His stars. His universe.

And now she was nothing.

He was nothing.

#self-para #yeeun

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