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official-weasley · 3 years

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Meant to Be (Charlie Weasley x OC)

What happens when Bill brings home a girl and Charlie is completely awestruck by her?

WARNINGS: cursing, angst

Chapter 18

Charlie

It was a few days after my birthday and I was feeling rather cheerful. My friends made a surprise party for me and nothing made me happier than Rhylee showing up. She seemed to be doing better. She was still shy and didn’t talk to me much but compared to before, this was progress.

It actually looked like she slept for once and she wasn’t trying to run away. Theo made her laugh with his stupid jokes and her hair wasn’t a mess for a change. I was happy she was doing better and I was hoping that with a little more time, she would come around and talk to me.

I hiked to my usual spot before work, a bit sad that she wasn’t there. I watched the sunrise and appreciated the silence surrounding me until I heard a roar. I got up at once and followed the noise. I could be mistaken but I think that was Gorra, our Chinese Fireball.

“What is going on?” I asked Andrew the second I got there, hands over my ears as Gorra didn’t stop roaring.

It sounded as if she was in pain.

“I think she stepped on something!” He replied.

“Charlie, where in the bloody hell is Rhylee?!” Theo shouted while trying to get Gorra’s attention.

I looked around, she was the only one who wasn’t there. I didn’t have a watch but I was pretty sure we were all supposed to be at work already.

“I swear if she’s late one more time, you’ll have to do something about it, Weasley!” Theo stepped aside just in time as the Fireball jerked her head, almost knocking him to the ground.

“Seriously, Charlie.” Evan looked at me, wand at the ready, observing the dragon’s moves. “We need one more person.”

“I’m on it!”

Damn it, Rhylee! Where are you?

I ran down to her hut as fast as I could and knocked. No answer. I pressed my ear on the door and I couldn’t hear anything. I knocked again, harder this time. Still no sound. I tried the door. It was unlocked.

It was empty. There was nobody there. But that wasn’t the weirdest part. It looked vacant. As if nobody lived here at all. There were no books on her coffee table as they usually were. The blanket she kept on the side of her sofa was gone. I didn’t dare to step further inside and investigate. What was going on?

“Charlie?” I jumped in the air at Peter’s voice and turned around.

“What are you doing?” He asked with a worried expression on his face.

“We need help with Gorra. Andrew reckons she stepped on something and we need more people.” I explained.

“Okay.” He said slowly. “I’ll help, no problem.”

“Let’s go then.” I stood still for a second longer and then followed him back to the Fireball habitat.

I couldn’t get the image of her empty apartment out of my head but I couldn’t afford to think about it now. Gorra needed help.

“Why were you snooping around Rhylee’s place?” He asked as we were hurrying up the hill.

“She didn’t show up at work and since we were a few people short I came to get her.”

“She didn’t tell you.” He murmured more to himself than to me.

“What?” I turned to him and I could see he was going about it in his head.

“Charlie,” he stopped and grabbed my elbow for me to stop walking as well, “Rhylee left the day after your birthday. I thought you knew.”

I stood and stared at him like a statue. I didn’t understand what he was saying.

“What do you mean she left?” I tilted my head. “I didn’t give her a day off.”

“Not for a couple of days, Charlie.” Peter said calmy. “She resigned. She left for good.”

I looked around and walked to the nearest rock. I had to sit down.

She left?

She resigned?

What the fuck?

I…I don’t understand.

She left without saying anything? Without telling me? Without saying goodbye?

I grabbed my chest as I was gasping for air. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was having a heart attack. This isn’t happening. What does he mean she left for good?

“Charlie!” Peter kneeled before me. “Are you okay?”

“I…what.” I looked up at him, still breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I thought she told you. You two were so close.” Peter frowned.

I think he couldn’t believe it either.

Close? Apparently not. Apparently, I didn’t mean shit to her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t leave like this.

I turned my head as I heard another roar. I can’t deal with this right now.

I took a deep breath and got up. I started running toward the dragon, Peter right behind me. I knew he wanted me to stop and talk about it but I couldn’t. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?

Peter sent me home the second we immobilized Gorra and the healers came to help her. I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember unlocking the door or taking my shoes off. I don’t recall taking my clothes off and going into the shower but here I was. Hands leaned against the wall, water pouring over me.

I was so confused. I kept shaking my head. I couldn’t believe it. She just left. Without even a note or any indication where she has gone or why.

Deep down I knew it was too good to be true when she got friendly again for my birthday. It was sudden but I thought she was finally moving on from whatever was bothering her so much. I know now that I was wrong. What was she doing it for then? For my sake? Because it was my birthday?

I stopped counting how many times she broke my heart. I simply couldn’t do it anymore. This was all too much. Maybe it’s for the best. Perhaps it’s better this way. I came to terms with the fact that I will never be able to call her mine and I was beating my head around the fact that we’ll work together for what might be forever.

I didn’t have to worry about that anymore. She was gone. Apparently, not carrying at all that I will miss her. That I am clueless about what has happened to her or where she is.

She didn’t care.

I felt as if someone hit me in the chest with a Bludger. Just saying the last sentence in my head broke something inside of me.

Fuck, it hurt.

This was unbelievable. I thought she needed time. I thought she’ll come around but I guess I was wrong. I guess I couldn’t read her after all and everything was just in my head; an illusion.

—

1 month later…

“Charlie, look at this!” John handed me the Daily Prophet and pointed his finger at a paragraph. “It’s about that dragon in Gringotts. Tomorrow’s the final trial.” He summarized it.

“I hope the Ministry sees that the dragon is innocent.” I said without much interest in my voice.

“Come on, mate. This can be your chance!” I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows.

“A chance for what?”

“You have been trying to track Rhylee down ever since she left. She’s going to testify, right? This is your chance to speak to her!” John exclaimed.

“Are you mental?” I frowned at him. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you still care about her, Charlie!” Theo spoke for the first time. “And don’t try and deny it. You’re a mess and you haven’t drunk a beer with us in a month.”

“We know you’re still wondering what happened to her and why she left the way she did.” Evan said gently.

“I can’t just go there and say hello. She didn’t bother telling me she’s leaving. She obviously doesn’t care.” I scoffed.

“You’re going to attend that trial if I have to drag you!” Theo stood up and banged the table with his fists.

“Alright, calm down!” I lifted my hands in defense. “I’ll go.” I glared at him. “Alone.”

“I’ll work instead of you, Charlie.” John offered immediately.

“Thanks, John.” I gave out a weak smile.

I looked down at the paper again, my heart racing. I hated that it still did. I haven’t seen Rhylee for over a month. Not a word. Not a letter. Nothing. I had no idea where she was. I asked around but nobody knew anything.

Peter asked some of his friends that work at the Ministry and nobody has seen her. I even reached out to Bill to see if he knew anything about it or if she spoke to him by some chance but until I wrote to him, he didn’t even know she wasn’t working at the Sanctuary anymore.

I didn’t want to go to the trial but I knew I won’t be able to forgive myself if I don’t go. I deserve a fucking explanation for her behavior. You don’t just leave without saying anything. It’s reckless, childish, and cruel. I know we were nothing more than friends but I thought we had strong enough of a bond for her to tell me that we might never see each other again.

I apparated to London the next morning. I was more nervous than I would like to admit. I hated this. I hated coming here and I dreaded talking to her. What am I supposed to say?

Hi.

Why did you leave?

How are you doing?

I can’t pretend like that. I am not a person to do that. It didn’t matter that I went over at least 10 scenarios yesterday, thinking of what to say and what might happen. I knew that I would freeze the second I would see her. I wasn’t even sure she was going to be there or if I would be able to catch her alone.

I made it to the trial just in time and spotted her at once. I thought my heart was going to escape my ribcage, that’s how fast it was beating when I caught sight of her. She was sitting in the middle of the room, waiting to be questioned along with a group of people for which I assumed were her previous co-workers.

They made some good arguments, defending the dragons but I got the feeling that the Ministry has already made their decision and that the trial was just a formality so that people who care about dragons wouldn’t protest. They didn’t stand a chance.

I saw the pain on Rhylee’s face when they told them that they are going to execute Kyan. I felt bad for her. I knew how hard she worked on the case. How hard we worked on it together and it was all for nothing. I hope she’ll at least have the chance to say goodbye.

She stood up the second it was over and rushed out of the room. I got up too and made my way outside. I have to follow her. This was my only chance to talk to her.

“Rhylee!” I shouted her name when I spotted her in the crowd.

She turned around and her eyes widened when she saw me. She turned back in the direction she was walking and continued to do so. I looked to the ground and inhaled sharply.

Am I really going to go after her? Shouldn’t I just let her go?

I will and I can’t!

I followed her outside. Great, it’s raining. As if the whole situation isn’t gloomy enough. She rushed into a nearby alleyway.

“Rhylee!” She stopped walking but she didn’t turn around. “Don’t you dare apparate away!” I knew what she was doing.

She was panicking. Was she too embarrassed to face me?

“What are you doing here, Charlie?” She was still facing away from me, her voice barely audible because of the rain.

“I came for the trial.” I said bluntly.

“Then why are you following me?” She looked at me over her shoulder.

It looked as if she was crying but I couldn’t tell with rain droplets running down her face.

“I want an explanation.” I said through my teeth.

I was trying to keep it together. But it was hard. I was so mad at her. She broke my heart by leaving.

“For what?” She turned to me and I automatically took a step forward.

“Stop with the bullshit, Rhylee. You know what for!” I raised my voice.

“What do you want me to say, Charlie?” She brushed the wet hair off her face.

“How about you tell me why you left without saying anything? Without telling me? Without any sort of inclination that you’re going to resign?” Fuck I wanted to run to her and shake her by the shoulders.

I wanted her to tell me everything and more. I wanted her to say everything she ever stopped herself from saying to me and I wanted her to say it straight to my face.

“I told you…” She closed her eyes slowly, gathering her thoughts. “I can’t repeat what happened between us.”

“Oh, go feed those lies to someone else, Rhylee! Because I am not buying it! That’s not the reason you left!” I shouted at her.

I can’t believe she tried to lie to me, again. Was it so fucking heard saying the truth for once?

“Nick couldn’t get over what happened.” She sighed. “I couldn’t see him be in so much pain so I left.” She said with a bowed head.

No.

Not buying it.

That wasn’t it.

I knew her too well and she was either playing stupid or wanted to hide the truth from me.

“I thought I was your friend.” I said softly.

“You are, Charlie.” Her shoulders sank.

“Then why are you not telling me the truth?” I asked.

“I just told you the truth, what more do you want from me?” She looked at me incredulously.

“I know you better than that Rhy, and I know you’re lying to me. Now tell me the truth. Why did you really leave? I deserve that much.” My voice shook.

“I…” She sobbed. I didn’t have to see her tears now to know that she was crying. “I felt too guilty being around you.”

“The truth, Rhylee!” I raised my voice again.

At this point, I knew I wasn’t getting any more than that so I was determined to get it. I needed it to move on.

“I…” She stuttered.

“The truth!” I muttered and took one more step toward her. “Give me the truth and I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

“I’m pregnant!”

My eyelids fluttered and I felt my knees weaken.

What?

I was slightly shaking my head, not sure how to comprehend what she just said.

“What?” Was all I could muster.

I couldn’t clear my head and I was hoping I heard her wrong.

“I’m expecting Nick’s baby.” She cried.

I closed my eyes and pretended that she wasn’t there. I tried feeling every raindrop that touched my skin. Is it possible to hear your own heart breaking? Because I am pretty sure that was the last thing I heard before the drumming started in my ears. My head was pounding and I felt like fainting.

She isn’t.

She can’t be.

What was she thinking?

With him!

Really?

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was still standing there. I was hoping she would apparate away now. I didn’t want to see her face. It hurt too much. And I hated the expression on it. She was waiting for me to say something. What the fuck am I supposed to say to her?

I don’t think I slept for more than 2 hours the night Peter told me she left. I was going on and on in my head, thinking of any possible reason why she left. Why she was so miserable. Why she didn’t say goodbye. Her being pregnant wasn’t one of them. I was prepared for anything. I expected her to say anything but that.

Anything.

This changed everything. It was all over. I lost her. I really did. There was no turning back. No more chasing around. No more hope. She will never be mine.

I will never kiss her forehead again and run my fingers through her hair. I will never hear her laugh again and see that playfulness in her eyes. She won’t fall asleep in my arms and I will never be able to feel that connection between us. The tension. The many possibilities of showing each other affection and just how much we are meant for each other.

All of that was gone. All of that will never happen. I will never call her mine. I will never be with the girl of my dreams.

It was one thing when Bill fancied her and when she had a boyfriend. There’s always a chance things go south no matter how bad it might sound, me thinking about it.

But a child. I can’t compete with that. I can’t break up a family.

It really was over.

“Please say something, Charlie.” She pleaded. “I know you’re mad.”

“Mad?” I let out a suppressed laugh. “I’m not mad, Rhylee. I’m disappointed.”

I’m heartbroken.

But I can’t tell her that. It doesn’t matter now. It wouldn’t make a difference.

“I…I just thought…you know since everything…that…you know…” She started blabbering.

“How could you let this happen?” I frowned at her.

I knew it wasn’t my place to talk to her like this but I couldn’t help it. She ruined her life by staying with him and it pained me. It pained me so much.

“What?” She locked her eyes with mine.

“What were you thinking having a baby with him? With someone you’re not happy with!”

“That is none of your business, Charlie!” She screamed in my face.

“You made it my business when you distanced yourself from everybody! When you came to work late! When you started looking like you haven’t eaten anything for days!” She stared at me, her mouth slightly opened.

“What? You thought I hadn’t noticed? Everybody noticed, Rhylee! We were all worried for you and then you just left!” I threw my arms in the air.

“You wanted to know, so I told you.” She said biting her lip.

“And what do you want me to reply?” I questioned. “Want me to say that I’m happy for you? Want me to congratulate you? No offense, Rhy…but I can’t do that. You don’t look that cheerful about it either!” I turned away.

I couldn’t look at her anymore. It hurt too much.

I wanted to just walk away. I knew it would be dangerous to apparate. My mind was all over the place. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to disappear. This was all too much.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk away from her. I couldn’t just leave her in the middle of the street. I wouldn’t do that to her even if she did do it to me. I still loved her. Fuck, how much I loved her.

We were standing like this for at least a minute. I knew she was still there and I could feel her eyes piercing through me. For some reason, I knew she felt bad. I know her. She didn’t want this. We never talked about things like this. Kids or having a family. But I knew she didn’t want it to happen like this.

With him.

But she’s right. It’s none of my business and it’s her life. She’s the one who ruined it. She could be happy. I could make her happy. I know I could. But she didn’t choose me. She chose Nick.

I took a deep breath and turned around again. I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her. She whimpered under my touch.

“Have a nice life, Rhy. I wish you all the happiness.” I whispered in her ear with the heaviest heart and walked away as fast as I could, knowing she won’t follow me.

#harry potter fanfiction #charlie weasley #charlie weasley fanfiction #the weasleys #weasley family #hp imagine #charlie weasley x oc #charlie weasley imagine #the burrow #harry potter imagine #weasley fanfiction #charlie weasley x mc #bill weasley #harry potter #wizarding world

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lifewithlala · 4 years

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Useful and practical advice for everyone starting college

So... Yes, I graduated! To celebrate this, I thought it would be a good idea to pass on some knowledge to those new students starting college this year (I feel like a Senpai). If it was difficult for me, I cannot fathom how much difficult it's going to be for you guys starting this year with all the things happening around the world. So good luck and I hope this really helps you out!

Try to get along with everyone. Look, prior to entering college I was asocial AF. It's not that I was shy, I just didn't like hanging out with people. However, my time in college taught me that interaction IS a very important part of life. I will be forever thankful to my classmates, who approached me on my first day (I entered college mid-year with no experience in business or economics. I was completely clueless). They were very nice to me and tried their best to explained how the school works, what classes we will be taking, what the professors and exams are like and such. Without their help, I would have had a harder time trying to get used to college. Truth is, you WILL need help at several points in college. And if you're not on good terms with anyone, who will be willing to help you? No one. So don't be a jerk and try your best to be nice and genuine with everyone in the class.

Help your classmates. Just as you will need help, your classmates will also need help. Don't wait for them to ask you for help. Offer to help them if you can! This can help you make friends or find new study buddies. Do not underestimate the power of helping others. When you help people with something, it is very likely that they will help you back when you need to. They might even recommend you for a job or internship position just because you helped them.

Find one or two study buddies. Study buddies will make studying more bearable. The study material that you will get in college is nothing compared to high school. So having a few study buddies that can help you make summaries, explain and work together on assignments will make studying much easier! I remember I had a study buddy for one of my minors in which we had to learn 16 chapters. We divided the summary workload and took turns explaining the chapters we each summarized. We literally cut the study time in half because of this!

Keep in contact with your classmates and professors. Chances are you will be separated for some time during minors, study abroad programs or internships. But that doesn't mean you have to lose contact with them. I'm not saying you have to chat with them every day. But contacting them once in awhile is good. I have been able to help some of my classmates with some subjects and applications. I have also become one of my professor's running buddies. So keep in touch because you never know what good you can give and what good it might bring you!

Be persistent. I have had instances were my school coach has ghosted me AND the school completely. Putting my internship and thesis at risk. Shit happens. And when you see things taking a turn for the ugly, fight back with all you got to get things back on track. The truth is, college is a business. And it will continue with or without you. A bit toxic, yes. However, it is up to you to not let things go south! Take action. Contact your professor when needed. Contact the administration. Contact management. Be persistent!

Plan as soon as possible. Don't wait for the first class to get your curriculum and then plan a week later. Download the curriculum BEFORE going to that first class. Plan BEFORE going to the class. Bombard your professor with questions regarding the curriculum on the first day. Make changes accordingly. Execute that plan ASAP. Your worst enemy is time. But your best friend is also time. The sooner you start, the more prepared you will be for your exams. Read more about how I plan here.

Don't say "yes" to everything. Yes, I am guilty of this one. I learn fast. I'm young. I have lots of energy. I can do whatever I put my mind to. WRONG. This kind of thinking led me to severe burnout. I was helping my parents in their business. I was doing a full-time internship. I started my own business and had 9 clients. I was training for a marathon. Shit went down horribly at some point. I'm glad I went through that burnout because it taught me the importance and necessity to be balanced in life. And that my ability to say no is sometimes more important than my ability to say yes.

College is more than just learning theory. Look, classes are not the thing you should focus on solely in college. If there's anything more important than classes, I would say is your ability to network and leverage this to get experience in the field. That is what college is about. College opens so many opportunities, not because of what they teach, but because of the resources that you are able to get. I'm not saying go slack on your classes, but keep in mind that a lot of times, people don't hire because you have a perfect GPA.

Have a plan to be smart with your money AND stick with it. I had a plan to be smart with my money. And I did so for 3 years. But in my fourth year... I fucked up. Guys... stick to your financial plan and avoid goddamn headaches. Learn about budgeting,

Do not pull all-nighters. If anything all-nighters made me perform worse. Also, they completely messed up my sleeping schedule, which in return messed up my entire schedule. As a result, I would stress out because I was behind schedule and I did not have the energy to catch up. Guys, do not underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.

Time batching will be your best friend. Having a set day to do similar tasks is honestly, one of the best ways to work. One day I would do all my homework for the week. The other day I would only study. One day I would do all of my house chores etc. It's much simpler and effective this way.

Having a study routine will actually help you to pull a miracle. A lot of people swear by a morning or night routine. I swear by a study/ work routine. For real... why aren't work routines more common? Once I start my routine, my brain knows its time to work and study and will not get distracted. You can read about my study routine more in detail here.

You will get fat pretty fast, so exercise. You will not have a lot of time on your hands. You no longer have breaks to play sports, you don't need to go to gym class, you probably have a car now. Your sedentary life will pretty much begin in college. And because you have the money you will start eating out or order takeout. So EAT WELL AND WORKOUT. I realized that the weeks I ate healthily, were also the weeks I was more energized. So do these 2 things religiously.

Don't be too uptight. Relax and have fun. If you're the type A, teacher's pet kind of student... don't be afraid to loosen up a little bit. After my burnout episode I understood the importance of having fun once in awhile. Turns out that going to parties, clubs, having girls night out is a fun experience and you'll look back at those memories with fond!

Start applying for internships as soon as possible. THIS. Honestly. Apply early. Finding an internship position isn't hard. But finding the right internship place that will allow you to grow and learn and at the same time get along with the culture is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder! So take your time finding an internship. Go to as many interviews as you can. Don't accept the first internship position because it's the first you got. Look at it objectively and talk to others that work in that company. I had the opportunity to work for 2 days under the guidance of another intern before saying yes. Ask for a similar opportunity so you can test the waters before accepting the internship offer.

Taking care of yourself is harder than you think. Develop a routines. Stick to those routines. Develop a personal hygiene routine. A workout routine. Eat healthy. These things are easier said than done. Constantly work on these things. If you let one fall, others will start falling too. Self care is a work in progress so never stop improving yourself no matter how many deadlines you have!

Older students are a godsend. If you want to hear a goddamn unbiased opinion, please refer to an older student. The administration or professor might tell you a process or application goes a certain way, but the older students that went through it, know better as they literally had to go through it. The advice they will give you will be more practical than the advice the professors can give you. So listen to them carefully. They will also be able to help you with tips for exams, summaries or explaining. So be friends with them too!

Get a mentor. I was lucky enough to find 2 excellent mentors in my college journey. I became good friends with one of my professors, and she was the one that taught me all I know about personal investing. Honestly, she was the real MVP. Amazing professor, explanations were top notch, and really enjoyed her work. The second one, was my thesis coach. She helped me built my business and her expertise in the field helped me a lot in starting up. Don't be afraid to ask your professors or experts in the field to help you get started! Sometimes, they are eager to pass what they know unto someone. You got nothing to lose!

#studyblr #college #student #studyspo #study blog #notes #study motivation #productivity #studygram #study tips

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bethgreeneishopeunseen · 4 years

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hi, so i see that you ship bethyl, and while i see them more of a big brother-sibling relationship, if the show had explored that type of sibling relationship, would it have been satisfactory for you? or would you just have them be together? i always wondered that about bethyl shippers

Hello! This is an interesting question, and I appreciate hearing from the other side of the equation. In regards to your ask, I am speaking for myself, though I wouldn’t be surprised if other Bethylers shared my sentiments.

With how season 5 went, I would happily take any additional Bethyl interactions I could get, though it would ultimately be unsatisfying because everything about the show in seasons 4 and 5 had communicated that Beth and Daryl were being set-up romantically.

I don’t have the time to go into every connotation of romance incorporated into Bethyl, so I will give a brief summary.

In terms of the show, there’s Daryl Dixon quipping, “It’s like a damn romance novel,” when looking at Beth and her boyfriend in the season four premiere. That kind of line screams foreshadowing. The sexual imagery in Still like the phallic knife and snakeskin. The romantic tropes plastered over Still and Alone; like the intimate conversations at night, the bridal carry, all the candlelight at the dinner table. The halted confession of love that had been punctuated with a gentle ‘Oh’. Because how else are we supposed to interpret that scene? I’ve read posts from people who didn’t even want Bethyl who saw it as romantic. Daryl wore Beth’s knife like a token of love for more than a season, and though it disappeared from his person, in 2018 Norman confirmed that Daryl still had it.

There was also the romantic music. Norman Reedus listened to ‘Very Nervous and Love’ while filming Still and had even pitched it as the closing episode song. For Alone, TPTB originally intended to use King of Carrot Flowers (presumably pt. 1) but couldn’t because of licensing issues. KoCF pt. 1 has the lyrics, “And this is the room/One afternoon I knew I could love you,” which summarizes Alone pretty well. (Alone’s other two storylines focused on romantic arcs, so it doesn’t make sense for Bethyl’s to be a random platonic pairing.) Emily ended up singing ‘Be Good’, a song about the fear of ruining a friendship after feelings mutually develop. Later Emily Kinney wrote a song called ‘Last Chance’, which she confirmed was from Beth’s POV. The lyrics describe Still in terms of romance and sexuality.

In addition, most of the show people who have talked about Bethyl talked about it positively and in romantic terms. (Example quotes posted below the cut.) The two links below include my sources and other romantic connotations I didn’t mention.

https://bethgreeneishopeunseen.tumblr.com/tagged/bethyl-is-more-canon-than-romeo-and-juliet

https://bethgreeneishopeunseen.tumblr.com/post/174242960046/bethyl-interview-masterpost

“I think it’s constantly changing, you know. Just like our relationships with each other. You know, I think the more she’s getting to know him, it kind of shifts. So I think that there’s been moments where she saw him just as a protector, and moments where she’s seen him as a team member and moments where she’s seen him almost like, maybe like a brotherly sort of friend kind of thing. And then probably moments too, where she’s been like, ‘Oh, maybe there’s something extra here. Something special’. So I think it’s the whole range of how she views him. I think, like, we’re still exploring that. […] He better find me! He better not forget about me!”

“So in this last episode, you were asking Daryl ‘how do you know there’s— you still think there’s good people out there? Why?’ And then you had a realization. Was it that he knew because of Beth? Do you know what I’m saying?”

Emily Kinney: Yeah, I think she realized how much he cares about her.

“I don’t know, my theory is— I definitely think Beth was having a ro— felt romantically inclined towards Daryl. That’s the way it came across to me, at least.”

Emily Kinney: Yeah, I think there’s realizing that there’s something else there.”

Emily Kinney: WSC Chicago; March 14th, 2014 (x) (x) (x).

“As the episode progressed, he saw something in her that was sort of like a little candlelight at the end of a dark tunnel. And she was saying that there are good people left, there are reasons to go on, and don’t give up hope. And I think she was that little glimmer of hope for him. And I think that’s what he was attracted. If he misconstrued those feelings as a possibly like a crush, but that’s even better. But I don’t think he went in there like, “Hey me and you.” I think he kind of like, “There’s something good in you, and I haven’t seen anything good in forever. It’s like being lost in the woods for miles and miles and starving and finding an apple tree with an apple. There’s something good out there and maybe that’s you. And maybe you could show me whatever you know and you can make Daryl have those hopeful feelings too. And I think some people might have interpreted as he thinks you’re cute or he wants to be with you. But I think it’s deeper than that.”

Norman Reedus: GoldDerby; June 12th, 2014 (x) (x) (x).

In the full interview, Bethyl comes up at 6:40. Full transcript here (x).

“When they pitched Season 4, they were talking about when the prison goes down and having Daryl and Beth be bunkered together. And it’s interesting because I get to see all the cuts and I see all the edits from the director’s cuts onward. And I loved the scene in the kitchen when they’re talking, and I got the sense that Daryl was starting to kind of fall in love with Beth a little.”

Greg Nicotero; SDCC July 2014 Panel/Interviews-

“It’s a gradual change [Daryl’s arc]. It’s a progression; his relationship with Beth, too. They’re always doing this sort of like chocolate thing: ‘Here, here, it’s delicious. Oh, psych!’ and they take it away…. These characters get harder as it goes on. They have more experience with loss and grief. Everyone’s in fifth gear right now…. You know, Beth was kind like this little flame at the end of a long dark tunnel, and he was getting closer and closer, and it was getting warmer, and then someone blew it out. You know, they took my chocolate again….The whole Daryl and his thing for Beth…I always saw it as if he didn’t understand those feelings. He might have felt them, but he was sorta hopeful; that with those feelings there might have been hope there. Down the line. And it was taken from him. Same as with his brother…taken. Found his family in the prison…taken. I mean, over and over and over again. That happens to all of us.”

Norman Reedus: Horrorhound; (Sept/Oct 2014) p. 8 (x) (x).

“Last year, I definitely felt like there was a really special connection between Daryl and Beth that happened. My take on it was that there was a very deep growing connection that could become something more romantic or could become just … you know that was my personal understanding of it. I do feel like Beth has opened up to Daryl in a way that she hasn’t with other people and I do feel like Beth has never been really in love even though you’ve seen her with the two different boyfriends. I don’t think she’s ever been like, ‘grownup in love’ in the way that you feel like someone actually understands you and in sort of that special intimate way. And I do feel like she’s been closer to that with Daryl then with anyone else.”

Emily Kinney: Business Insider; October 9th, 2014 (x).

“Kinney says that the song they were originally going to use in the scene was Neutral Milk Hotel’s “King of Carrot Flowers, but the band wasn’t interested in licensing their music. Something Kinney understands. “If you make something, you’re very precious with it,” she says. “I would love to cover that song on my own.” For now, she’s performing “Be Good” in her sets, along with another song Beth has sung on the show, Tom Waits‘ “Hold On.””

Emily Kinney: Radio.com; October 10th, 2014 (x) (x).

“And this is the room, one afternoon I knew I could love you.”

“Q: Do you think Beth was fortunate to be kidnapped and ended up in a hospital rather than go to Terminus? Emily: Terminus was awful […] Although she would be with her family and that’s worth a lot, isn’t it? She’d be with Daryl… and her sister.”

Emily Kinney: 5x04′s Talking Dead; November 2nd, 2014 (x).

Norman Reedus: AMA; December 21st, 2014 (x).

“That was just devastating, he chased that car all night long until it was daylight and he just couldn’t move anymore.”

“Daryl’s in such… a dark… state of mind, because of he lost Beth.”

Norman Reedus: The Journey so Far; October 2nd, 2016 (x) (x) (x)

#asks #bethyl #beth greene #daryl dixon

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friendlylocalwhumper · 5 years

Note

Hi I love all of your stories so much! Your characters are so compelling! Lux and Emory give me life. Your last drabble got me thinking: was there ever a time where Lux has to comfort Emory? Maybe he had a nightmare about Lux being in danger or something?

A/N: wow this really went off track and became 2,477 words of like, deep thoughts and these two breaching sensitive and polarizing topics. whoops!

Lux doesn’t want to sleep tonight. Not because of a nightmare, or because he’s thinking about upsetting things, or because he’s remembering something painful (although all of that stuff does keep him up sometimes). No, he’s just scrolling through apps on his phone, propped up on pillows and decidedly ignoring the time in favor of reading vaguely boring articles that had wildly interesting titles.

He first notices his sleeping boyfriend beside him, in the midst of one of these articles, when Emory shifts. The movement catches Lux’s eye but it’s not enough to draw his attention away from the words on his phone’s screen.

He pays attention a minute later when Emory whimpers. Lux turns his phone off and looks over, pushing himself to sit up more and watching Emory in worry and alarm. He’s never heard that sound out of his partner once, hasn’t ever seen him in great pain, or dazed and stressed, or feeling small and sad; in fact, Emory is very steady, and Lux can only remember him having always been calm and patient and positive.

“Emory?” Lux asks quietly, meeting his boyfriend’s arm with the lightest touch possible. “You okay?”

Of course, Emory is asleep, and he doesn’t react to the touch or the words. Lux lays his hand more solidly on that arm and runs his thumb back and forth over the bicep, leaning down to press a kiss to Emory’s cheek.

“Hey, Freckles, you wanna wake up? I think you’re having a nightmare.”

Emory’s breaths have stopped, like he’s listening. Lux falls silent and watches, his heart fluttering, and he doesn’t want to wait an extra second to hear another inhale; following what’s done for him when his own fear steals his breath in his sleep, Lux places his palm on Emory’s chest and rubs it in little circles.

“It’s okay, just breathe, you’re safe,” The warlock murmurs with a chill of familiarity at providing the comfort he usually receives.

Emory doesn’t react well. He’s having the kind of nightmare, it seems, where he’s fighting off something bad, and so he wakes up still fighting - his eyes fly open, wide and unfocused, and his arm swings, knocking Lux back. Emory shoves himself away, falling off the bed with a thump and scrambling away until his back hits the wall.

Lux is still reeling from the blow. His thoughts were knocked clean out of his head when a fist crashed against his jaw, and he’s brought a hand up to feel it gingerly. Sorry, he wants to say, sorry for scaring you, I’m sorry, but it would sound too much like the conditioned response that the instinct is rooted in, so instead of stammering and curling in on himself, Lux refocuses on his boyfriend.

“It’s okay, Emory,” He assures, getting up off the bed slowly and making his way over to that side of the room. He lowers himself to his hands and knees and then sits down so that he looks like an equal and not a threat.

“Lux?” His boyfriend ekes out, unsure in the dark of the room.

“Yeah, ‘s just me. You scared?”

“Not - not anymore, just... confused. Sorry, I think I had a dream, I’m - that was... think I fell off the bed.”

Lux nods in agreement and shifts to sit next to Emory, back to the wall. He doesn’t like sitting on the floor like this, too much like the cellar, but he can ignore that right now. “Never seen you have a dream like that.”

“It was - I know, I know warlocks aren’t bad, you know I don’t think that, but - I’ve always been scared of them, or what happens to them, you know? Haven’t had a dream like that since I was eight. About someone thinking I’m a warlock, and then I get dragged away, tied to a stake to burn, or guns aimed at me, but then it changes, and they call me - it’s not about magic, anymore, it’s about bein’ a black boy and liking guys and stuff like that, and I’ve never gotten hurt because of that stuff but Gramps has, and the stories he’s got, and the things that’ve happened to you, I can imagine, and it - scares me, a lot.”

With the staggered, sleepy explanation, Lux resigns himself to never mention being hit in the process of waking Emory up. He can write it off easily in the context fo Emory being half-asleep and lost in old, shapeless fear that only lives in his mind.

“That sounds really scary,” The warlock answers, slipping his hand into Emory’s and squeezing it gently.

“Yeah, you know that, though, you’ve been hurt and I haven’t, I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t talk about it since I don’t know what that feels like.”

“No, no - you do know what it feels like. And anyway, I don’t know what it feels like to have that fear, not the kind you grew up with. Magic, I’ve gotten hurt for that, but never got judged for how I look. I don’t know what that feels like for you. It’s not dumb to be scared. It’s - it’s probably even harder for you, since you don’t feel like you can bring it up. I don’t wanna assume how you feel, can you tell me about it, maybe?”

Emory’s quiet, for a minute. There’s something tricky, a topic here, the conversation about race and magic and things that the privileged do to those who have somehow garnered hatred just by being alive.

“I feel lucky,” He settles on, finally, like a confession. “That it’s not me. It’s awful. It’s like... when magic started being hated, the pressure got taken off other groups, other hated ones, and it’s so easy to hate what you don’t understand, so... when I was little, I hated magic users. I know kids are jerks, and it’s normal, but the things I said, Lux... the things I believed, like hating warlocks was gonna save people like Gramps from ever seeing their brothers and sisters dying again. He told me that was wrong, but it was easy, and it felt so good to hate like that. Feel like nightmares about me getting it instead is some kinda justice, God telling me I need to suffer if I’m gonna wish that pain on somebody else.”

Lux is listening, curious and only a little uneasy. He can understand, it makes sense, he can imagine that perspective, growing up. They’re too young, really, to be wise and grounded in beliefs like Emory’s Gramps, and they’re too old to naively follow the universal hatred of magic users, or from the warlocks’ side, the hatred and fear of non-magic folks. They’re trapped in some in-between mix of prejudice and awareness.

“When you were little and had those thoughts, that’s when you had the nightmares,” Lux summarizes, only a little guarded, but careful, uncertain. “You had this one, tonight... do you think... were you thinking like that again? About people like me?”

Emory’s silence, the tension, it makes Lux’s stomach drop.

“No, not like that, Lux, it’s just... I had one thought, and it stuck with me, and I felt so sick over it, had that dream again, just - just the guilt made me that freaked out. I feel awful about it.”

Lux nods, once, and then asks, “What’d you think, that made you feel that bad?”

“I’m not gonna say, I really don’t have to, it’s awful, I don’t think I should. I didn’t mean to, I just - come on, Lux, don’t ask me that, I wouldn’t blame you for thinking random stuff sometimes and getting hung up on it.”

The warlock swallows, turning that over in his head. It feels unfair, almost, that his mind’s been torn into so much, he’s been punished for having thoughts he couldn’t stop from coming or staying in his mind, but he can’t ask, once, to hear what’s in Emory’s head. He desperately needs to know if Emory thought something big and societal, like that warlocks should keep to themselves if they don’t want to die, or if it was something worse, something personal, something about how Lux should behave.

“Whatever it is, it’ll hurt me worse to never know,” Lux answers, voice hushed, and with the tensing of Emory’s shoulders, he can see that it’s effective. He’s not sure that it makes him feel any better.

“Okay... yeah, I understand that, okay. It was... I don’t want to lie to you, I won’t, but it would be so much easier, better... I thought... yesterday, I was thinking about how nice you are, and, how you’re not a threat at all, you’re gentle and sweet, and I love you for being so kind, I wish my brain stopped there... but, I thought, maybe you’re like that because of how you were hurt, and - and other warlocks are angry and violent, sometimes, so - maybe, if they were hurt like you were, they’d end up soft and considerate too, and the magic mena-, I mean, the danger of magic, wouldn’t be a threat to anyone anymore, even in self-defense, because you’d - they’d all be like you.”

Lux’s fingers twist together as he stares at the floor. Somewhere along the progression of that explanation, he pulled his hand out of Emory’s. “...Yeah, that’s... that’s quite a thought.” In the momentary silence after the confession, the warlock remembers the things he survived to get here and to hear this. “Probably easy to think that. Just so you know, though... I wouldn’t do it again. Twenty years of pain. Still living with fear and scars and trying to be good for people who aren’t in control of me anymore. It’s like I’m not a full person, I’m just the pieces that survived and made it out all scraped up. Doing that, to all of us - would be better to kill us.”

“I know, I wouldn’t actually wish what you’ve been through on anyone, and I don’t mean to think of magic as a threat, and - I don’t want everyone to be like you, and you don’t have to obey anybody, I’d still like you if you weren’t how you are, I - I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry, I’ve dug myself a hole here.”

Listening still, Lux tries to quiet the now loud, blaring alarm in his mind that Emory thinks like that, Emory’s like all the people who have beaten a warlock into submission. It’s not fair to simplify this down to that. “I, I guess... I don’t get to judge you for it. I’ve thought things like that before. Like, maybe people like you, without magic, should all die. All at once, with magic, warlocks should rise up and get revenge, get to just break free, and all the cops, the feds, the men who’ve hurt a warlock on the street, they’d see their friends and families die bloody and maybe feel bad before they die themselves... that’s a thought I’m not proud of. I used to think that a lot, when I was angry... ‘til the Hunter. He’d find, find thoughts like that in my head, and he didn’t really care about them, didn’t think I was a radical or anything, but they’re not sweet thoughts, they’re not good. So he hurt me for them. Haven’t thought that way since, and I wonder... wonder, sometimes, if I’m a good person, or if I just got the evil trained out of me.”

Emory finds his hand to hold it, and neither of them can look at each other. He clears his throat and tries for some words that won’t hurt more. “I think we’re scared to talk about this stuff ‘cause we don’t want to hurt each other.”

Lux hums in thought and replies, “I think we’re scared to ‘cause we’re ashamed of it.”

“Both, probably.”

“Yeah, both.”

A few slow, pensive moments pass, heavy words hanging in the air. Finally, Lux says, “I just need to know... you don’t like me because I’m how I am - you know, nervous, and scared, right? I don’t have to be sweet or weak for you to like me, right? That’s all I need to know, really, that we’re just boyfriends, we’re normal people, I’m not yours, I don’t have to obey.”

“Of course, Curls, you don’t have to obey, I like you for who you are, your mind and your love, not because of how you act. I didn’t fall in love with your fear, I don’t ever want you to be scared.”

Lux sighs, relieved. Everything they’ve said tonight is alright, it’s just a difficult but important conversation about prejudice and fear and what they were taught to think, as long as he’s a person and not a possession. “That’s all I’m worried about, all I’m gonna remember about this, probably. Oh I’m all worked up and anxious now, I know it’s ignorant to say this but can we just never bring this up again? It’s not our fault that we think what we do, we can fix it on our own time, it’s just too stressful to talk about.”

“Agreed, I’m with you on that. I really thought that might be the end of us or something.”

“I know, it got all - scary and final sounding, right? It was scary for me to explain what I think, was it scary for you?”

“So scary, I thought for sure you’d hate me. Mine’s a lot worse than yours.”

“Well I don’t have thoughts that bad because I got broken and now I’m just empty and good, and that’s way worse than having, like, a single problematic thought in the past twelve years.”

Emory squeezes Lux’s hand and stands up, helping Lux follow suit with a gentle tug on his arm. “You’re not broken, Curls. You didn’t get trained out of having your own thoughts. I like your mind, and I like when you call me out and ask what I think. It was stressful, probably not a good topic, but please do it again when you don’t like what I’m saying, ask what I mean and tell me what you think. I respect you a lot for doing that.”

The praise and request for Lux to keep thinking for himself makes the warlock feel just a little safer, a little more relaxed. He still won’t sleep tonight, no way with the things coursing through his mind right now, but he thinks he can sit beside Emory in their bed and keep reading articles. Maybe, he thinks to himself in his unusually opinionated mood, he can write his own articles. He can share his thoughts, and experiences, and get angry if he wants to, anonymous and careful but not beaten into silence, not too careful to breach touchy topics. Maybe he’s got ideas and experiences worth being heard.

#nooooo way i'm proofreading this it's too long hope it doesn't suck #also hope that it's interesting at all #angst #drabble #nightmares #emory #lux #mine #afraid #panic #past trauma #comfort #lux having opinions! and being sad #emory having shitty opinions and hating himself for it #they're both a little problematic and they're trying so hard to educate themselves #and to be Good People with open minds and hearts #they're doing a good job i'm proud of them #Anonymous

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royalfoxfics · 7 years

Photo

Art by Twin Doodles

Ao3

FF.net

In which Pollen meets the 21st century, there is a lot of yelling, and repressed homosexuality overrides self-preservation.

“…loe? Chloe? Chloe?”

Chloe woke up with a start. Someone was calling her name and shaking her shoulder. She tried to move but her whole body felt sluggish. Every part of her felt uncomfortably cold and heavy. Her legs felt like they were tied together, and while she wanted to open her eyes, only one of them seemed to be working properly. When she did manage to will it open, she was blinded by a bright light overhead. Squinting, she could just make out a dark shadow looming over her. She clumsily tried to bat it away with her numbed and heavy arms.

“Whoa, calm down its only me,” the shadow said. She blinked a few times and the face of Adrien Agreste swam into view.

“Adrien? What happened? Where am…” She looked around and recognized the school nurse’s office. She looked down and saw the bandages partially mummifying her and holding the now melted icepacks to her shivering body.

“You’ve been in here all morning. It’s already time for lunch,” Adrien explained, helping her to sit up. “I came to check on you and passed the nurse on her way out. She said you were sleeping, and to wake you at my own risk. Looks like you were pretty tired.”

“Get this stuff off me,” Chloe ordered, already trying to rip off the bandages holding the icepack over her eye.

“I don’t know, Chloe. Maybe you should leave that stuff on? I mean if the nurse thought it was necessary-“

He stopped when he saw the one-eyed glare Chloe was giving him and quickly began working on the bandages wound about her legs.

Once Chloe was unwrapped, she began stretching out and rubbing her limbs in an attempt to get the feeling back in them.

“I swear I’m going to sue this whole school if I get frostbite,” she muttered, rubbing her legs furiously and grimacing at the wet patches the ice packs had left. “And if these pants are ruined…”

“I’d think you’d be more concerned with your eye,” Adrien commented. “It still looks pretty bad. What did you do last night? You were fine when I left you.”

Chloe glared at her purse.

“The little gift you gave me got opened early by accident. Turns out our royal majesty thinks they’re too good to be partnered with a mere mayor’s daughter.”

“A corrupt mayor’s daughter,” Pollen called from inside the purse.

A second later they flew out through the white leather lining as if it were made of smoke. Chloe’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

“You? How? Since when could you do that!?” she demanded, pointing at the smugly smiling Pollen.

“Oh, we Kwami’s are capable of much you humans would consider ‘impossible.’ When we’re properly fed that is,” Pollen added, under their breath. “Speaking of which, you must be Plagg’s chosen. I can smell that horrible cheese on you from here. You have my deepest sympathies.”

Plagg flew out from Adrien’s shirt a second later.

“Pollen.” He greeted the other Kwami friendly enough, though there was a slight edge to his voice. “Haven’t seen you for a couple of centuries. Were you asleep so long you forgot that were not supposed to hurt our own masters?”

Pollen at least had the grace to look ashamed.

“It was purely in self-defense,” they argued, crossing their little arms and giving that wretched air of superiority Chloe hated so much.

“Oh yeah,” Plagg mockingly agreed, flying up to Chloe and looking her over. “I can see why the Kwami of Leadership would need to defend themself against the mean, scawy teenage girl.”

Chloe smiled as she saw the fluff on Pollens chest begin to swell up with indignation.

“I’ll have you know, We were at a grievous disadvantage against that barbarian!” they exclaimed, gesturing at Chloe. “We awoke without any idea of where We were, or what year it was, and We were extremely weak! We were captured in some insidious trap for hours until We were viciously attacked, completely unprovoked We might add, by that ruffian over there!”

“They got stuck in a box of tissues because they thought it was a bed, and I threw a pillow at it when it started flying around,” Chloe summarized.

Adrien fought to keep down his smile while Plagg openly laughed at Pollen, who’s fluff was threatening to swallow the lower half of their face.

“To be fair,” Adrien said, “Plagg tried eating half my room when he first woke up.”

“Did he also spend five minutes hiding under a tea cup from the TV?” Chloe asked.

“How were We supposed to know that the small man in that window could not see us!?”

Plagg laughed even harder and rolled onto his back in midair, tiny tears forming in his eyes.

“And let’s not forget the little adventure you had with my makeup case this morning…”

“You are most fortunate We discovered how toxic that powder was before you put it on your face! You owe your life to Us!”

Chloe rolled her eyes as Plagg continued to laugh and kicked his feet as he tried to remain hovering. Pollen looked like they were about to explode in a cloud of angry white fluff, so Chloe gave them a smug smile.

“Well, as fascinating as this conversation is, I’m sure you and Plagg have loads to catch up on,” Adrien said quickly. “Why don’t you two go somewhere else for a bit while I have a word with Chloe?”

Pollen scoffed and turned their nose up at Adrien, but Plagg regained some control over himself (eventually,) and led Pollen through the thin sheet separating the beds, wiping his eyes as they went. When they were gone Adrien turned back to Chloe.

“Chloe, I am so sorry. I had no idea he, er, she,”

“They, prefer the royal ‘We,” Chloe said, striking her own regal speaking pose. “Apparently, that little bug thinks they’re the literal embodiment of royalty. Everybody and everything is beneath them. I let them read my history book last night instead of just sealing them back in their box, and the ungrateful brat kept waking me up to ask where some missing pages were! And again to ask if I had the book in Latin, because they liked the shape of the letters more!”

“Huh,” was all Adrien could think to say.

Chloe just groaned and continued.

“I swear, nothing is worth this. I ordered some extra honey with my breakfast this morning, ‘cause I figured ‘hey, bees like honey’ right? You know what they did? They called me a racist and chewed me out for nearly fifteen minutes until I ordered them some tea. Tea, Adrian! How was I supposed to know that thing ran exclusively on tea?”

“Better than smelly cheese,” Adrien muttered.

“I just…”

Chloe picked up a pillow and screamed into it. Adrien cautiously rubbed small circles on her back as she continued to scream for a surprisingly long time. When she was done, she sat back up and handed the pillow to Adrien. Adrien took the pillow uncertainly and set it down next to him. Chloe took a deep breath and checked her hair.

“I’m a bit stressed out, Adrien,” she said finally.

“I… wouldn’t have guessed.”

She shot him an unamused look.

Then she closed her eyes and sighed. She still looked tired, but at least the bags under her eyes had disappeared. Well, from one of them anyway.

She reached up and pulled out the comb, undoing her ponytail and letting her hair fall loose against her back.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to have this,” she confided, looking down at the comb as she held it in her open hand. “Everything went to hell the moment I touched it. I’m not supposed to have a miraculous. Even the kayami of the thing thinks so.”

Adrien reached over and closed her hand around the miraculous. She looked up and saw him smiling softly at her.

“It’s pronounced ‘Kwami,” he said, gently. “And I wouldn’t worry too much. I didn’t really get along with Plagg at first either.”

“Oh? I don’t remember you ever showing up with one of these.”

Chloe pointed to her face and Adrien winced.

“Well… No. And I’m super sorry, Chloe. I had no idea Kwami’s could hurt people like that.”

Chloe scoffed.

“I told you, the black eye is from falling through my closet door. You should have seen the bee stings I was covered in last night, though...”

“Bee stings?” Adrien repeated, completely shocked.

Chloe just waved him away dismissively.

“I’m fine,” she said again. “I’m just sleeping with a flyswatter under my pillow tonight.”

When he didn’t say anything, she glanced back at him and felt her chest lurch at the big watery green eyes looking back at her.

“I didn’t mean for you to… I’m so sorry I… I didn’t mean…”

Chloe sighed and rolled her eyes, pulling him into a hug and patting his back before he started bawling his eyes out with guilt. He held on to her and tried to fight back his tears.

“I told you, it’s all right,” she repeated, patting his back and silently hoping he didn’t get any snot on her shirt. “It’s my fault for opening the box. I should have waited till today like you said too. It’s okay… you big baby.”

“I’m a hero of Paris,” he said back through a stuffy nose. He quickly pulled back and started to wipe his eyes indignantly. Chloe handed him the box of commoner’s tissues next to her and he took a few quickly.

“How did you ever get by without me?” Chloe wondered aloud as Adrian blew his nose.

“Very stoically,” he snapped.

Then he added,

“…and lots of cartoons.”

“Ah,” Chloe acknowledged, nodding her head. “That explains a lot actually.”

Before Adrien could ask what she meant by that, Plagg called to them from the other room.

“Uh, Kids? I think you better come see this.”

Adrien pulled back the curtain and they saw Plagg and Pollen hovering in front of a mounted television near the nurse’s desk. It was tuned in to the local news, which was showing a scene of chaos as a swarm of oddly shaped… somethings were rampaging their way through the nearby park.

“I didn’t do it this time,” Chloe said immediately.

Adrien just rolled his eyes and turned up the volume on the TV.

“This is Reporter Nadja Charmack: TVi, live on the scene at Palace De Vogses where the newest Akuma attack is in progress. Eye witnesses have so far been unable to identify the Akuma’s target, or identity due to-AAAAAAAAA!“

Award winning Reporter Nadja Carmack suddenly screamed and the camera whipped around to show her beating back what must have been some of the Akuma’s minions with her microphone. They didn’t look human. Some of them may have looked vaguely humanlike, but their bodies were far to flat looking, and their maniacal faces and clothes seemed to have been drawn onto them with some sort of thick ink. Most of them were just various shapes with stick figure limbs poking out, and faces pulled out of a demented children’s drawing. One looked like a flat circle wielding a wooden spoon. Another like a gibbering crescent waving a spatula in the air like a sword, and there were several long, rounded beasties running around on all fours that were constantly frothing at the mouth. They almost looked like…

“Are… are those monstrous pastries?” Pollen asked, flying up to closely examine the screen.

“Sure looks like it,” Adrien agreed.

Chloe scoffed.

“A bit out of season for gingerbread men though, don’t you think?” she asked.

No sooner had she spoken, then the cameraman was overpowered by a particularly deranged looking three foot gingerbread man, complete with swirls for eyes drawn on with animatedly spinning icing. The cameraman gave a cry of surprise, and after a very quick zoom in on the gingerbread man’s sugary pointed teeth, the live feed went dead. The screen was filled with static for a moment before the “technical difficulties” sign went up. The screen switched cameras to the news anchor as he was complaining about the coffee in his mug having no cream.

“Well, looks like lunch will have to wait till after we finish off dessert,” Adrien said, switching off the TV as the anchor realized he was on air.

Adrien turned and gave Chloe his best Chat Noir smirk. Chloe rolled her eyes at him.

“Shouldn’t you be doing your little dance already?”

Adrien stepped back and gave Chloe a little bow with a sweep of his hand.

“Ladies first.”

Chloe blinked in surprise.

“Wait you… You want me to go out there and fight those things?”

“What?” Pollen asked, turning back around from their attempts at trying to find where the small man in the window had gone.

“Well, not by yourself,” Adrien assured Chloe. “Ladybug and I will be right there with you. We’ll handle the Akuma, you can focus on dealing with the minions.

“Adrien, do I really look like I’m ready to get into a fight with a bunch of evil edibles?”

Chloe gestured to her black eye again.

“Come on kid, small annoying pests should be your specialty by now,” Plagg countered.

“What was that?” Pollen gave him a dangerous look.

“It’ll be easy, Chloe. Even if you get hit, you’ll hardly feel a thing under your suit. I’ve been thrown into a wall before, and it didn’t leave a scratch on me,” Adrien boasted.

Plagg wilted a bit and added,

“Yeah, I’d recommend you try not to do that though…”

Chloe shook her head in disbelief.

“You can’t seriously expect me to go up against a real Akuma my first time!”

“Why not? I did!” Adrien replied with a smile.

“Yeah, and I remember exactly how well that went!” Chloe argued, rolling her eyes.

Adrien rubbed his neck uncomfortably, but Plagg wasn’t dissuaded so easily.

“Exactly,” he said, flying around to hover close to Chloe’s shoulder. “So maybe this time, you’ll be the one that rescues the pretty girl from certain death.”

Chloe’s eyes lit up like Sapphic little stars.

Seeing this, Pollen immediately flew to her other shoulder and began trying to talk sense into her.

“What? No, no, no. You are much to injured to go fighting the forces of evil today. Besides We… We have not had any sustenance since this morning! We could not possibly hold a transformation for longer than a few seconds at most.”

“Don’t listen to that royal stick in the mud,” Plagg practically purred in her ear. “They’ve got more than enough juice. You should be thinking about what it’ll be like to be in Ladybugs shoes for once. How it’ll feel to sweep your damsel in distress off her feet and fly her away to safety. Feel her snuggled safe in your arms as she looks up at you like you’re her hero. Maybe she’ll even want to show you how appreciative she really is.”

“You… You can’t seriously be listening to this smelly little varmint!?”

But Chloe was listening. In fact, she was staring down a the miraculous she was holding and nearly drooling over it. She turned to Pollen with a doofy smile on her face.

“W-well I mean, I’m sure we can handle a couple of overgrown cupcakes, right?”

Chloe smiled at them while she giggled and played with her hair. Pollen stared at her. Plagg gave them a smug grin and flew back to Adrien. Adrien gave him an impressed, but questioning look.

“What?” Plagg asked with poorly feigned innocence.

Adrien just shook his head and turned back to Chloe. She still looked a little dreamy over the potential possibilities Plagg had laid out for her. Adrien cleared his throat and she snapped out of her daydreaming. She shook her head, and he tried not to notice the deep blush that covered most of her face.

“Right, well. Uh…”

She cleared her own throat and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Stepping over to a mirror to check how it looked, she stuck the comb back in and turned around to face the group. She took a deep breath, and exhaled quickly.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

She smiled at them. A little nervously, but Adrien and Plagg reassured them with smiles of their own.

Pollen however was still hovering in midair, and still staring at the spot where Chloe’s head had been.

“Um… Pollen? Pollen?”

They gave no sign that they had heard her. Chloe looked from them to the other two who both shrugged unhelpfully. She approached Pollen carefully and waved a hand in front of them. Pollen still gave no sign of awareness, so Chloe tried snapping her fingers directly in front of their face. The Kwami finally seemed to regain their senses, and shook their head as if coming out of a trance. Just like every other time they had become lost in their own world, Pollen looked around the room as though not sure where they were until they saw Chloe. Their eyes narrowed angrily at the sight of her.

“What? Why are you always staring at us like that? We do not like it, it makes us feel very uncomfortable.”

“Are you… feeling okay?” Chloe asked carefully.

Pollen scoffed and turned their nose up at her again.

“We are as fine as We can be with a gangly ape like you as our master.”

“Why you little-”

“Whoa, hey!” Adrien quickly moved himself between the two of them, nearly having to physically hold Chloe back from attacking what was supposed to have been her partner. “How about we all just take it down a notch, okay?”

Chloe fumed and ground her teeth as she looked from Pollen to Adrien.

“You see what they’re like? You see what that thing is like?” she demanded, pointing furiously at Pollen.

Adrien did his best to calm her down, though he shot Pollen an angry look showing he completely agreed with her. Pollen just scoffed and turned their nose up at him too.

“Shouldn’t you be seeing to that Akuma, Chat Noir?”

Adrien didn’t much care for the way Pollen said his name, but they had a point. They couldn’t afford to waste time fighting like this. Ladybug was probably already on her way, and while he was sure she’d be okay on her own for a little while, she couldn’t take down an Akuma with that many minions on her own. He looked desperately at Plagg for help. He shrugged.

“Ehe, I’m sure Ladybug can take care of it.”

Adrien briefly considered just handing Chloe a nearby clipboard and getting one for himself.

“Errr, we don’t have time for this!” Chloe roared.

With a grunt of anger, she pushed Adrien away, causing him to topple safely onto the bed behind him, and stormed over to Pollen. The Kwami seemed momentarily unable to decide between fight or flight, and Chloe took advantage of their indecision to grab them sharply by the fluff on their chest with her index finger and thumb. She locked eyes with her trapped prey, and Pollen was so taken aback by the raw fury that burned in them, they forgot to scoff.

“Start talking,” Chloe growled down at them. “Or I will feed you to an industrial grade food processor.”

Pollen had no idea what an “industrial grade food processor” was, but some threats simply transcended a minor generational gap like two hundred years.

“V-very well!” Pollen conceded, attempting to wriggle free. Though certainly not because they were the least bit intimidated. “Just unhand us already!”

Chloe let go and Pollen flew back several feet into the wall. Chloe put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently as Pollen muttered to themself and tried to fix the tuft of fluff she had matted together. Adrien remained where he had landed on the bed, not daring to move and looking from Chloe to Plagg, who was nonchalantly drifting behind a curtain to get out of sight.

Chloe’s patience was at its’ end.

“Well?”

“Just a moment!” Pollen snapped back. They finished preening themself to a semi-passable state, then turned to glare back at Chloe.

“As We have no means of preventing you, very well. We shall now begin our lesson on the art that is wielding our miraculous.”

“Come on, make it snappy!” Chloe demanded, snapping her own fingers at Pollen. “We don’t have all day here.”

Pollen looked like they were about to say something, but stopped and only glared at Chloe for a moment instead. Then they continued.

“The first step to using a miraculous, is to wear it,” Pollen emphasized.

Chloe turned her head and indicated the comb holding her ponytail in place.

“Already wearing it, genius. Next?”

Pollen looked momentarily confused before quickly putting their nose in the air again.

“Yes… Well. Indeed you are.” They gave a little cough and continued. “Each miraculous is activated by a particular phrase decided upon by the Kwami. You will need to repeat this phrase in order to let us fuse with the miraculous and grant you your abilities.”

Chloe closed her eyes and waved her hand dismissively.

“Yeah yeah, I do a little dance and strike a dramatic pose at the end. I saw all this last night when Chat Noir did it. Just tell me what my catch phrase is already.”

“Your… Your what?”

“What do I say to transform!?” Chloe yelled.

“Do not rush us!” Pollen screamed back. “Once a Kwami is fused with its’ miraculous they cannot communicate with their barer directly. You will be completely on your own once We have been absorbed, so you had best listen closely and stop interrupting!”

“They actually have a point, Chloe.”

Chloe turned and rounded on Adrien, who froze as he was starting to sit up on the bed. She closed her eyes and let out an aggravated sigh, not wanting to take out her anger on him.

Adrien watched her closely for a second before daring to continue getting up.

“I’m just speaking from experience here. I waisted my first Cataclysm because I transformed before Plagg had explained everything. At least hear what your powers are before we head out.”

“Thank you, young man.” Pollen nodded gratefully towards Adrien.

“Alright fine!”

Chloe threw up her hands and sat down on the edge of the other bed in a huff. Pollen smiled at the sight.

“Now as We were saying, in addition to the more specific abilities We grant you, using a miraculous will also offer you some additional advantages,” they told her, but Chloe cut them off again.

“I’ll have enhanced speed, strength, endurance, and coordination. The suit will protect me from any minor injuries, even on my face where it looks like bare skin. My weapon will have multiple uses and will obey my commands perfectly unless it’s knocked away from me. I activate my superpower by saying its’ name, and once I use it I’ll only have about five minutes left of my transformation. The miraculous will count down to show me how long I have left.”

Everyone stared at Chloe as she finished. When she saw the stunned look Pollen was giving her she smugly added,

“What? I think I’ve been rescued enough times to know how it works.”

“True,” Adrien agreed. “But I also recognize most of that from Alya’s ‘Miraculous Analysis’ post on the Ladyblog.”

Chloe reddened again.

“Cesaire got most of that from her interview with me anyway!”

“Mhmm.”

“Oh what-ever.” Chloe crossed her arms again and focused back on Pollen to avoid looking at the knowing smirk Adrien was giving her. “So what’s my superpower?”

Pollen looked up, startled before they could drift off again.

“What? Oh, your power? Yes. Uhm. Give us a moment…”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Come on hurry up already!”

“I told you not to interrupt!” Pollen snapped. “Now you’ve gotten us all flustered.”

Chloe buried her face in her hands and groaned. Adrien rubbed her back and looked pleadingly over to Plagg.

Plagg groaned too and rolled his eyes.

“Come on. The kid’s right, we gotta go.”

“We are aware,” they snapped.

Pollen’s face was contorted with concentration. Plagg straightened up and watched them with new interest.

“Wait… do you… Do you actually not remember how to use your own superpower?”

“Of course We remember, you smelly rat! We just… It has been a while and We….”

Chloe looked up at Pollen, and then back to Adrian and Plagg.

“Pollen?” She asked, impatiently.

“We know…” they grumbled.

“Are you seriously telling me you’ve been so busy stuffing your face with tee, and getting scared by makeup kits you haven’t even tried to remember how to be a superhero!”

“We have been thinking of little else!” they roared back.

Chloe stood up to look the Kwami eye to eye. Adrien tried to get her to sit down again but she shook him off.

“So what have you remembered?”

Pollen went silent and turned to look at a blank wall.”

“Pollen!”

“We are the Kwami of Leadership, and We enjoy tea..”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Great. What about how to use your superpower?”

“…We would appear to be having some difficulty recalling the… exact phrasing, at this moment.”

Chloe slapped a hand to her face and groaned. Adrien made to say something but she held up a hand. Chloe took a deep, calming breath and tried to relax.

“Fine. Let’s… work backwards then, maybe it’ll help you remember.”

“Very well,” Pollen said flatly, still keeping their eyes on the wall.

“Okay, well, what does it do?”

“What does what do?” Pollen asked, turning a little further away from Chloe...

“Your superpower,” Chloe repeated, feeling a vain in her head beginning to throb. “What does it do?”

“Something… super. And powerful.”

“…Pollen, look at me.”

The Kwami turned slowly in midair to face her. Their face was a mask of perfect neutrality, though their antenna seemed to be trying to curl in on themselves. Chloe kept her own expression neutral as well.

“Do you remember what your superpower is?”

“Not at all.”

“…”

A pin dropping to the floor would have echoed like a clap of thunder in the silence that followed.

Authors Notes:

Regarding all your feedback: Wow. Just… Wow. The response for this fic so far has been better than I could have hoped. All of you saying how much you love my take on Chloe is just… Amazing is the only word I have for it. I’ve gotten wonderful comments from you all saying how much you laughed at Pollen and Chloe’s antics, and how heartwarming you found Chloe’s relationship with Adrien. I hope I can continue to meet all your expectations in the future. I started writing this fic for myself, and I will continue to do so, but your continued support makes it so much easier to keep pouring myself into this project.

Regarding the transformation phrases: Transformation phrases like “Spots On” and “Claws Out” seem to be found mostly in the English translation of the show. Since that’s the version I watched, that’s the cannon I went off of when writing this fic. Until it became clear it had to become an A.U. anyway. I love the idea that the Kwami’s have to update the phrase every generation or so. I’d also love to have heard Hawkmoth having to argue with Nooroo about changing his to something as edgy as “Dark Wings Rise.”

#Chlolya #Adrien and Chloe sibling love #Pollen #chloe bourgeois #adrien agreste #Useless Lesbian Chloe #Eventual RoyalFox

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analiecious · 6 years

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Canonical: This connect to handles content syndication, which basically allows other blogs to post your job (similar to franchising) with no hurting your website's SEO ranking—simply by having a rel=canonical can obtain your brand and content away on the web in several outlets, ensuring a greater get to and bigger audience without harming your own search results. We are usually offering affordable search engine marketing SEO services to clients throughout the globe. If you want the strong social media strategy, a person simply can't ignore SEO. Another SEO-related plugin, W3 Total Cache is used to improve the performance of your Wp blog or a website simply by integrating features such as content material delivery networks to be capable to reduce the loading instances for your pages.

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culturalgutter · 6 years

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It is hard for something to be good forever, as much as when I am in it, I want it to last forever. I have gotten to the point where I would rather something end while I still feel like I want it to last forever than that it continue long past when it probably should. It’s sad to lose something you love, but there is always something else. Adventure Time is ending soon and I have some unfinished business. It’s possible I’ll write about it again—even likely—but I have things to write about endings, change and a little about fashion. And a heads up–I am being more careful than usual in talking about plot elements and things that happen in the recent episodes, but if you are avoiding all spoilers for season 10, you might wait till you’ve watching everything but the finale to read this.

It’s important to know when to end things. Beginnings can be wonky, but I can move past them. I tend to think the first issue or episode of any new story tends to be the weakest. It’s before everyone has found their stride–the artists, the writers, the crew. Sometimes, though, things go on too long. And it seemed like maybe Adventure Time had, but then it went on a little longer and found itself again. Things got shaky after show creator Pendleton Ward quit as showrunner.

When I started writing this piece, I didn’t have any sense of how Adventure Time’s ending might play out. Whether there would be a final arc or if the show would end in media rēs, as it began. But Cartoon network just released four more episodes and a teaser for the series finale. While these are not another miniseries like “Stakes,” which explored Marceline the Vampire Queen’s days as a vampire hunter, the episodes are leading towards a final confrontation between Princess Bubblegum’s Candy Kingdom, and Gumbaldia, founded by her Uncle Gumbald.

As Adventure Time nears its conclusion, it’s gotten harder to summarize. It is a fantasy/science fiction story centered on Finn the human and his best friend and adoptive brother, Jake, a talking dog with stretching powers. The live on the outskirts of the Candy Kingdom on the planet of Ooo, neé the Earth, after an apocalyptic war. Finn has been a hero of Ooo, but he begins his career working for the Candy Kingdom’s Princess Bubblegum. In the ten seasons and eight years or so Adventure Time has been on tv, Finn and Jake have also traveled to space, cleared many a dungeon, cared for some robots, uncovered mysteries and met many, many other characters. When it started, Finn the human was a tween and now he just celebrated his 17th birthday–almost the same age as Princess Bubble gum, at least legally*.

These last two seasons, there would be months without an episode and then several dropped at once, often as miniseries like “Stakes”; “Islands,” in which Finn tries to find his mother; and, “Elements,” in which the very elements of the world: candy, slime, ice and fire were explored.

Treetrunks the Pirate Queen

In the current season, we have learned about Treetrunks the elephant’s past as a pirate queen, explored the duel mystery of that time Jake was blue and his stretching powers, learned about Princess Bubblegum’s childhood and her family, Aunt Lolly, Cousin Chicle and Uncle Gumbald. I love her post-apocalyptic yak and its 3D goggles.

Postapocalyptic Bonibel Bubblegum and her yak.

Sweet goggles on both

These have been a mix of chill episodes, offering a bit of an interlude before the end, and episdes doing the narrative work of reminding us what has happened and who we have met over the course of the series.

Of course, all the things above are interesting and well-handled But what I love about Adventure Time is not the comprehensive world-building being presented explicitly to the audience. I appreciate that there is so much that is never filled in. So much of Adventure Time happens in media rēs, even as it expands on character relationships or happenings from years ago. And it’s been that way from the start. The first episode, “Slumber Party Panic,” begins in the middle of a zombie outbreak. The zombies are already attacking. The candy people have already taken shelter in the castle, although they don’t know they are. Instead, they believe Princess Bubblegum has invited them all over for a slumber party. The princess charges Finn with protecting them without ever letting them know they are in danger. He can’t even tell Jake. Meanwhile, she works to create a cure. And we aren’t only starting with the zombie attack already happening, all the relationships are already in progress, too. Who Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum and the candy people are is something we figure out based on what they do and say. Origin stories come later, if at all. And some of the origin stories that are shared, are happening now in the final season. I like that. I much prefer it to starting every story with an origin, because it recognizes that not everything is explained through an origin story, that not everything is simple, and that things change. Besides, origins are often most meaningful in retrospect.

Finn’s growing up has been so gradual that it reflects what it’s like being with someone when they are growing up. It’s hard to see the change that is always happening unless you are dipping in and out. When we drop back in to Adventure Time, we see the characters continuing with their lives in the same way it happens when we talk with or visit people we haven’t seen in a while–even if it’s just a few days. I like the acknowledgment that other people’s lives are happening, even when we are not around, even when they are not the heroes of this particular story. The characters in Adventure Time take their lives and the changes in them for granted. At the same time, they do reflect on them. In the most recent episode, “Gumbaldia,” Jake and Finn talk about Finn’s changing as they begin Finn’s kick-butt diplomacy effort to prevent a war. “I used to be all about violence and now it’s like I’m different,” Finn says. “You’re a beautiful flower and I love watching you grow,” Jake responds.

Candy Kingdom preparing for war.

Finn is troubled by the idea of war. In the past, he would have embraced the idea of defeating evil and never questioned Princess Bubblegum. But this time, after a long trajectory of being increasingly uncomfortable with some of the things Princess Bubblegum does, Finn works himself up to tell her that it’s a bad idea. Princess Bubblegum tells him he’s sweet, but “sometimes we just have to buckle down and do things the ugly way.”

When the commander of Bubblegum’s army tells him, “It’s going to happen, son. The best thing to do is sharpen your sword and stock up on flower wreaths.” Finn replies, “You’re dark, Colonel Candycorn.”

The show reflects change in smaller, far more cheerful ways, too. Say in Princess Bubblegum and Marceline’s changing fashions. Both have a wardrobe. They wear their hair in different styles. Old outfits return or are mixed and matched**. For his part, Finn has worn the same outfit for the entire series, but because he has done a lot of adventuring and growing, he must have gotten new blue shorts, t-shirts and bear hats. His changing tastes and the predations of time are revealed in his changing swords, his changing arm and the length of his hair under his bear hat.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This attention to the passage of time through such seemingly mundane matters as clothes and hair incidentally resulted in Marceline becoming one of my fashion icons, along with Tilda Swinton in Only Lovers Left Alive.

When I watch or read serial stories, I have generally assumed I am not watching or reading all that is happening. I have assumed that I am seeing notable things. Or am just dropping by now and then. I don’t feel more immersed the more complete a chronological and expository narrative I have. In part, I think, because there are no living things with complete chronological narratives that explain everything about them. On one hand, almost inevitably, more does not lead to better. And on the other hand, stories with all the perceived gaps filled in start to feel dead–a story completely walled in and meowing to be let out like some poor black cat.

There is a part of me that is amazed by people who can write about single issues or single episodes of an ongoing, serial story. It is always easiest for me when the story is complete. And yet, here I am, preferring the open ended. Maybe it’s not as contradictory as it might sound. I like the spaces. I like giving stories space to breathe. Like panels or paintings that have enough space around them that you can appreciate them. Not too crowded with everything filled in. I like unfinished business. I like the gaps and the evocative lacunae. I like the open-endedness, the unexplained and the unexplainable. I like how in Adventure Time so many things are just they way they are. Not in the way that we shouldn’t question or wonder, but in the way where it is still left open for question, wonder and possibility. Space to ponder. I don’t think a story feels more immersive or more real when it has this space, but it certainly feels more ossified, less alive to have every gap filled, every element explained.

Unexplained ghost lady phenomenon.

I am writing about the end now, before it happens, because I don’t know what I’ll think of or how I’ll feel about the finale. It’s hard to end something, particularly to create an ending that gather all the narrative threads together and ends them satisfyingly. So I am deciding whether to watch the teaser for the finale, but the ending hasn’t happened yet for me. I will leave it to my future self to write about, if I have more to say. It seems like there there is always more to say about Adventure Time.

*Princess Bubblegum is more like a thousand years old, but in past episodes she has been both 18 and 13, which caused her trouble in being of legal age to run the Candy Kingdom.

**You can see not even remotely comprehensive galleries of their outfits here and here.

~~~

Comics Editor always brings a techno-harpoon to a techno-harpoon fight.

Comics Editor Carol and Screen Editor alex have both written a lot about Adventure Time on this very site. You can find their pieces here.

What Time Is It? It is hard for something to be good forever, as much as when I am in it, I want it to last forever.

#2010s #Adventure Time #animation #cartoons #endings #fantasy #fashion #science fiction #USA

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fourcourtjester · 6 years

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2012? More like 2017. But it wasn’t all bad.

Ever feel like you’re living in the future? It wasn’t so long ago that life was drastically different on a day to day level. What is an Uber? Who had ever heard of smart phones? You need to meet me in person for a date?

The world has changed. It’s a very different place to when I grew up, and even further removed from the world my parents grew up in. But we assimilate that change, little by little, until we take it as commonplace. But think back 5 years. What’s the difference? Does it really feel that different?

The age old interview question of “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” is something I avoid. I have no idea. I can obviously make a guess, but it’s 99.9% a wrong guess, so I try not to bother. But I ask myself “Where was I 5 years ago?” to gain perspective on myself and where I’m at, and where I’m going. 2017 was a year I think a lot of people didn’t see coming.

But I’m not here to talk about other people. Well, not many of them at any rate. This is about me and my dual identities, and where we’re going in 2018. Some of you have been along for the ride for a long while now, and some have just boarded the train. Here’s a bit about me, 2017 and where I’m going.

My name is Four Court Jester, and I’m an entertainer.

Streaming as a profession wasn’t for me

This was a tough year for FCJ. After quitting MOBAFire (on good terms) full time in 2016 and shifting to VainGlory and streaming, I discovered something about myself that you may or may not of guessed: I hate to be forced to stream. I’ve always used streaming as an escape with my gaming, and it’s always been on the side, always been part and parcel to my need for gaming, but as soon as it got into the spotlight, the joy of it virtually vanished.

I think what I enjoyed streaming most this year was Dropzone, a 1v1 (now 3v3) mini RTS game. It was really fun for me, as I’ve always had an RTS background, but micro managing three units to perfection became a bit of an addiction. The developers reached out and I got my own portrait in-game, got to commentate with their official casters on their official stream, and even played in my first ever tournament where my team and I finished 3rd, winning ~$80 CAD. Unfortunately, Dropzone suffered massive layoffs and the game still is looking for success, so it was not a game for me to stake my career on.

Too many factors against VainGlory

VainGlory had initially been a pleasure to cast, but the surrounding political sphere, age range of the average pro, the Twitter drama and the fact that I have to play it on a phone all chipped away at my personal enjoyment. Commentating and playing usually have to go hand in hand, and when I stopped playing or streaming it, my commentating suffered, thus why I departed the scene.

This wasn’t a snap decision, but I had steadily been suffering in my enjoyment of the game since the World Finals last year in Hollywood. I alerted Super Evil Mega Corp to my pending decision in January, and stuck it out for one more season. It just wasn’t enough to keep me in, and I wish them luck with their 5v5 mode coming out next year.

Killing time here and there

Since I departed VainGlory, I haven’t actively been involved in any game to a large degree. This is mostly a personal issue, as I haven’t really found a new game to call home because I don’t really seem to enjoy most games out right now.

I still play World of WarCraft a few times a week with my guild <The Crimson Cross>, and I am forever thankful for my guildies and the warm atmosphere we’ve cultivated. We’re not pro, we’re not the bleeding edge of raiding, but we do progress, we get shit done, and we enjoy ourselves doing it. We also play a bunch of other games together as well, really making it a wholesome community.

Future works

I am currently evaluating 2018 on a commentary level and will likely be dipping my toes into some game or another fairly soon. I love to practice the craft, but I need a medium I enjoy to bring out my best. Fortnite is the best front-runner so far; game really does have a unique charm and flair to it. I know people will likely counter with PUBG, and that’s fine. We all have our own preferences.

All in all, the year was fairly quiet as an entertainer. The year was far harsher for me as a person.

My name is Shaun Delaney, and I’m a developer.

A New Year begun!

2017 started off fantastically for me. I was in a committed relationship, was living with friends that I cherished (mostly), and was living the dream commentating for a living. That’s what I remember thinking when the clock struck midnight and the year began. It didn’t last.

My month to month wasn’t bad

Low overhead, good friends, a great girlfriend and life changing decisions were being made in the first quarter of the year. It was possibly the happiest I’d been in years, and this time in my life will be remembered very fondly for years to come. My travelling had slowed down since VainGlory shifted to a Unified structure, but it wasn’t bad being home more often.

Gym life

My roommate Ted had introduced me to gym life in 2016, to which I still frequent, and I was finally starting to change my body image. The love and support from everyone on that decision was mind blowing, and kept me going strong.

Now, I’ve never considered myself “fat” or a large person in any regard, but as the year progressed, I got many comments and compliments about the change to my physique. It’s amazing what we can turn a blind eye to, even unintentionally. I think the biggest, and most startling, change for me was my energy levels. Ever since University I had combated insomnia and wildly fluctuating sleep patterns. But working out not only helped me harness my energy, it gave me a semblance of a pattern to follow.

I’ll always be indebted to Ted to getting me into the gym.

How to fill the time

With the decision to leave VainGlory after the Unified Live Championships, I knew I would have to fill the time somehow. I’ve alluded to this in my previous blog post, but as a developer, I’ve been hard at work on a new platform that some of you will be interested in. To summarize, I’ve filled the hours with coding for esports. It’s not the same as being on camera, but it’s actually a nice fit for me due to my perspective. More on this, if you are interested, in my next article where I’ll outline more specifics.

The fall. It’s way harder to roll with it when you don’t see it coming

It was just before Father’s day that I was broken up with by my girlfriend. A few of us were looking to change up our living situation due to some relations that had gone south, and were looking for housing. Out of the blue, I was broken up with. I’ve done a lot of introspection and reflection on this, but ultimately, I didn’t handle it well.

I was making changes in my life. I went from being busy all the time with travel, streaming, commentating and coding to just the coding. I was unconsciously trying to free up time to be with her and my friends more, and when I got knocked flat on my ass like this, all the free time became poisonous. I essentially stopped. For two straight months, June and July will forever be dead zones of productivity for me.

The silver lining is that exercise had become a bit of a temple for me when I need to clear my thoughts. I exercised a lot this period. But that’s basically all I did. I couldn’t summon the courage to do anything that reminded me of her. I ignored Twitter, neglected my coding, quit Overwatch, and Guild Wars 2 will forever be poisoned.

Ted helped me through this period a lot. Still helping me, in some ways. My now ex dropped out of the housing situation, but the remainder of us found a place (where I currently type this post) and life moved on. This story isn’t unique in any way, as there were many examples of people going through the same situations, but as I was forced to change my world, I learned a lot about myself.

So how does it end?

I finally got my shit together in November. Mostly. December is really when I started to make the climb out of the pit of despair I had made for myself. But in November, the demand for coding lured me back into productivity, and now am on the verge of being a CEO to something that I think will really do the streaming scene a lot of good.

January 1st, 2017 I never thought I’d be single again. I knew it wouldn’t be all roses, and there would be bumps along the way, but rekindling the passion for one’s self is definitely an experience. I knew I wasn’t staying in VainGlory, but didn’t expect to be still looking for a new game a year later.

Now, with January 1st, 2018 coming into view, I see 2018 as a big chance to grow personally. I’ve always alluded to running my own company in the past, but now I have the chance to do it. I’m scared to death for 2018, but have a great supporting cast of friends to help me do this. I will persevere.

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