#it’s my day after all………. i feel like i should be allowed some transgender music

[bulletsgirl]

do you think my dad and his girlfriend will let me play my chemical romance in the car.

#it’s my day after all………. i feel like i should be allowed some transgender music #that sentence also makes me feel like such a kid hellooooo what do you mean i’m not driving and therefore don’t get to pick the music #insert The Joke here

[potteresque-ire]

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈  (June is Pride Month where I am 😊) For the occasion, may I recommend this animated musical short, 秘密港 Safe Haven, by the Beijing Queer Chorus (北京酷兒合唱團)? Published on the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia (IDAHOBIT; May 17th, 2021),  the animation, with its lovely (and at times, heartbreaking) song, is about a queer person and their friend who tries to offer their support. The lyrics is English-subbed.

(Below the cut: a wish for the c-queer community; conception of Safe Haven, as explained by the Beijing Queer Chorus; CW/TW for homophobia, violence and forced abortion)

Background for my wish: with the recent Chinese government’s aggressive turnaround in its population control policy to combat its declining birth rate—on 2021/05/31, China further lifted the cap of number of children allowed per couple from 2 to 3 (the number was 1 for almost four decades, 1978-2015; the population control measure has therefore been colloquially called the “One Child Policy”), younger generations of Chinese are already feeling the pressure and fearing the consequences of non-compliance (for example, if the state levies heavy fines on non-child-bearers).   

While I have not yet read articles that directly connect the major policy shift with the c-queer community, I imagine it may bring both relief and additional challenges. The relief will likely take time to come; the challenges, meanwhile,  will likely be immediate. 

This has to do with the root of antagonism against homosexuality in Chinese societies. Unlike in their Western counterparts, Chinese queers have consistently reported that family, instead of societal, pressure as the greatest challenge they face (societal pressure includes that from religion, from government etc). C-queers are expected to abide to the heteronormative traditions of opposite-sex marriage and child-bearing, in a collectivistic, conformist environment still strongly influenced by the Confucian notion that continuing the bloodline is the primary responsibility of a filial child. Men, especially, are under heavy pressure to carry on their family surname. Those who fail to do so are seen as irresponsible at best, moral failures at worst. They suffer anything and everything from constant nagging from their relatives, to ostracisation, to disownment. 

A better known consequence of this cultural antagonism against homosexuality in the tragic Tongqi (同妻 “homo-wives”) phenomenon that is, perhaps, unique to China. 

Tongqi are straight women who unknowingly entered marriage with closeted gay man, who often learn about their spouse’s sexuality only after the filial obligation of having children has been fulfilled. It’s a form of marriage fraud; women who file for divorce, however, are likely to lose custody of their child(ren) under Chinese laws, and so many of them keep mum. The gay men involved are also victims in many cases; the lack of public, open education and discussion of queer topics in the country mean even the queers themselves may not have a full understanding of their own queerness, believe that “straightening” themselves is something they can do with sufficient willpower and love for their family. 

As one may expect, these marriages are mostly unsatisfying; psychiatric issues and intimate partner violence (IPV), which include verbal, emotional and physical abuse, have also been frequently reported. Just how prevalent are Tongqi’s in China that, in turn, reflect how many gay men in China are pressured to remain in the closet and get married? The following numbers may serve as comparison. In 2010, the percentage of gay men married to heterosexual women in the US was 15-25%. In China and in 2018, meanwhile, the reowned Chinese sexologist, sociologist and LGBT rights activist, Li Yinhe (李銀河), quoted an estimate of 80% of China’s ~ 20 million gay men were married to heterosexual wives; i.e. the Tongqi population amounted to ~16 million. Literature has reported a similar estimated size of the Tongqi population—at 13+ million, in 2016. 

(Reason for the numbers being estimates: the exact size of the c-queer community isn’t known. China’s decennial census questionnaire from late last year (2020) once again excluded questions about its own LGBT+ community. "Room mate” is how many c-queers have to refer to their partners).

While the Chinese government decriminalised homosexuality in 1997 and its current laws carry no clauses that target the queer community—the official stance of Chinese government on homosexuality is currently 不支持，不反對，不提倡 “not supporting, not opposing, not advocating”—what may seem to be its non-queer-related policies have indirectly but majorly impacted the lives of c-queers. In particular, the “One Child Policy” has been hypothesised to exacerbate the challenge faced by c-queers, as the only child becomes the sole “next generation” available for producing grandchildren and extending the family bloodline. 

Hence, my expectation / hope that the relaxation of "One Child Policy”, by lifting the cap on the number of children a couple can have, will bring relief to the LGBT+ population—even if the relief will only come years down the road, as the newer generations of c-queers will then have siblings to share their filial responsibilities. 

However, this also explains my worry for now, for the immediate months and years to come, for not only c-queers but the younger generations of Chinese in general. My worry is about how, exactly, the state intends to drive its birth rate upward, and the hardship the new policies may bring. 

The practices of China’s population control policies have historically been brutal. Forced, late-term abortions were common, for example. This is reflected in the country’s birth control propaganda banners, commonly seen in Chinese villages until late 2000s, which were infamous for their verbal violence:

“Beat it out! Abort it! Miscarry it! Just cannot give birth to it!”

Fines, which were levied on offenders of the One Child Policy, may seem like a better option but can place an unbearable burden on poorer families, of which there remain many in China. Premier Li Keqiang reported, in May 2020, that >40% of China’s population—600 million—are living with a monthly income of ~$140 USD or below, despite the glitz often seen in the country’s entertainment productions. Using One Child Policy era fines for reference, the famous Chinese director 張藝謀 Zhang Yimou was fined 7.48 million RMB (~$1.17 million USD) for his three children, in 2013. Defying the new population control policies may therefore be a privilege reserved for the very powerful and very rich. And the government is likely to be aggressive in enforcing its new policies—the social media accounts of > 20 feminist activists, who advocate for reproductive freedom among other women’s rights, have already been shut down in the recent weeks. 

Will the Chinese government find ways to penalise members of the queer community who do not contribute to the new baby count? Will it turn a blind(er) eye to the Tongqi 同妻 (and to a lesser extent, Tongfu 同夫 ~ heterosexual men married to lesbian women) tragedies happening every day? It’s impossible to say yet.

For this year, therefore, I wish the c-queer community this—I wish it to be safe from the reach of China’s population control policies, whatever they will be. 

Back to the animated short, Safe Haven, which is about coming out. In 2016, a 18,000 people survey by the United Nations Development Programme reported only 5% of Chinese queers had come out to people outside their families. Only 15% have come out to their families. A more recent survey reports a significant improvement in these percentages, with ~50% of gays, bisexuals and transgenders and 70% of lesbians having come out to their families (Table 2). Fully out queers remain rare (<10%).

There’s still, therefore, a long way to go. With queers often being out (if they’re out at all) only to their most immediate/intimate social circles, with the state’s censorship of LGBT+ presentation in visual media, many (especially older generations of) non-queers in China haven’t seen a living, breathing, outwardly queer person before. The process of coming out, by extension—what it means, what it takes for both the giver and receiver of the message—may have never entered the thoughts of these non-queers before.

What should they say? What should they do? What words and actions will convey support? What won’t?

Safe Haven is about these questions. I’ll end this post with a translation of the Weibo post in which the animated short was first published, in which Beijing Queer Chorus explained the project’s conception:

#517 IDAHOBIT# Do you remember how it was like, the first time you came out of the closet, or someone came out of the closet to you? Who was that person? What did you say at the time, and how did that person react?

The person who voluntarily exposes their heart requires courage. The person who receives the message may have their own heart filled with unease. 

Maybe, both are thinking: “What should I do?”

Coming out is such an important occasion. It can, perhaps, change a relationship forever.

Some will welcome warmth and hugs. Some others will get their first taste of homophobia. Yet some others will find neither.

After a queer person came out to their friend, they got, in return, “Don’t worry. I’ll still treat you as a friend.” It made them uncomfortable for a long time. But their straight family and friends didn’t understand. How could this be not a kind thing to say?

What is gay-friendly? What is homophobic? It appears that everyone has their own standards. The same words and behaviours transmit warmth to some, deep offence to others.

So, when we’re talking about “homophobia”, what are we talking about?

To commemorate this years #517 IDAHOBIT#, the Beijing Queer Chorus interviewed its tens of members and their relatives and friends, in hopes of investigating the difference in perspectives between homosexuals and straight people. How can this barrier be crossed, how can they work together to take care of the valuable relationships.

In the stories of all interviewees, a warmth like this can be felt: even with the risks, there remain those who are brave enough to display their true self; even with the misunderstandings, there remain those willing to keep the secrets of others, willing to learn to understand a whole new world.

We condensed these stories into an original, animated musical short, Safe Haven.

We hope every boat riding the winds and waves can find a harbour to unload their secrets. We also hope every person has enough gentle strength to be the safe haven for others. 

We offer our best wishes to every queer who lets their heart be seen ~ may your courage reap its rewards.

We thank every friend and family who have treated these hidden matters of the heart seriously. You make the world a better place.

#pie metas #lgbt #pride 2021

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Day 9

Prompt: When you write something on your own skin it appears on your soulmate’s skin as well.

Word Count: 1,896

Main Taglist: (Send an ask to be added or removed!) @starlocked01,​​​ @spoopy-turtle,​​​ @lizluvscupcakes,​​ @more-fandon-than-friends​, @i-cant-find-a-good-username, @vindicatedvirgil, @star-crossed-shipper, @justaqueercactus, @gayboopnoodle, @sanderssidesweirdo, @the-sympathetic-villain, @8-writes Soulmate taglist:(Send an ask to be added or removed!) @elizabutgayer, @melodiread, @tsshipmonth2020, @mikalya12, @8-writes

“It feels like the whole world is closing in. I’m starting to get claustrophobic.” Logan saw the words appear on his leg. Lying in bed in nothing but a pair of gym shorts, most of his skin was covered in black and purple ink. He paused, his black pen hovering over the skin just below the purple.

Finally, he put pen to skin. “That’s understandable. Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from the world. Put up a barrier and exist behind it, give yourself a mental personal bubble and stick to it. Have things you enjoy set aside in a way that you can interact with them without having to interact with the world.”

The purple gave a dot of acknowledgement. Logan knew Virgil would eventually tired himself out and fall asleep so waited for any indicator. Soon, the ink left a small dot before a trail dropped off the limb, cutting through the previous conversation. Logan chuckled, knowing his soulmate had fallen asleep.

He stood, crossing to the bathroom and sitting on the edge of the tub as he took a washcloth to the pen marks. He smiled, thinking of the many conversations he’d had with Virgil. He’d known his name his whole life, or so it felt. In reality, he’d been five when ink had first shown up on his arm. It was a simple hello from Virgil’s parents to test if his soulmate was older or younger than him. Logan had run up to his mom and she and Mama wrote on his other arm.

After that, he was encouraged to write little notes to his soulmate on his arms, telling him about his day and things he’d learned in school. He was told that Virgil wouldn’t be able to respond for a few years but that didn’t stop him from trying.

He was eleven when he first got a response. It was shakily written, clearly by a child holding a crayon in a fist. He’d been so happy, running to Mama to show her. Mama had encouraged him to write back and he could picture the giggles that arose from his soulmate.

Soon, they were holding full conversations. Those progressed to late night conversations, pens sliding off skin as sleep took over, the hurried scrawls of notes or ideas, getting to know his soulmate by his personality and penmanship, getting to see that penmanship change as he learned how he wrote best, getting to know his mood by his wording and the spacing between letters. He got to know his tastes in food by his grocery lists, his daily activities by to-do lists. He saw when tears or rain obscured important information and made sure to write it higher up so it wasn’t smudged. This was usually accompanied by hearts and stars from Virgil drawn next to them as a way of thanks.

He made sure to do the same, writing grocery and to-do lists on his arms, chuckling when Virgil thought it was his own list and started crossing things off. His favorite thing to do was to play simple table games on his arms, tic tac toe, dots and boxes, sprouts, and others. They both eventually solved little arguments of who won which game by choosing different pen colors.

At one point during a day, it must have been when he was about fifteen or so, he got a note on his arm that Virgil had been diagnosed with ADHD. He’d researched as much about it as he could in the hopes of helping in any way he could. He’d give reminders, encourage Virgil to write task lists on his arm, even if it was ‘I need to make dinner in fifteen minutes’ so Logan could give a reminder at the five minute mark. He noticed when Virgil didn’t respond and would ask if it was a bad sensory day and would use a different pen in case that was triggering his hypersensitivity.

One day, he noticed a building number written on his arm when he woke up. It was a very familiar building number as it was his place of work. He smiled as he adjusted his tie, going into work with a spring in his step. When he got to the break room, he thought he’d ask around. “Does anyone have a Virgil for an appointment?”

He got a few smirks from coworkers but some others gave him genuine smiles. “Is it your soulmate?” Someone asked, clear teasing in her voice.

Logan nodded, a smile creeping across his face. He twisted his arm, letting the rest of them see the note with the building address. “I woke up to this and assumed. So, does anyone have an appointment with him?”

Patton raised his hand with a giggle. “I do! It’s a one o'clock appointment. I’m pretty sure you’ve got a one-thirty appointment. I’m willing to swap with you.”

Logan nodded as he poured creamer into his coffee. “That would be fine, thank you.”

He went back to his office and completed paperwork, dealing with the few clients he had in the morning. He went out and grabbed a quick lunch during his noon break before sitting in his office, trying not to stand every five minutes to look for Virgil.

Finally, the clock struck one and his head swiveled to the door. His secretary knocked on it and he called for him to come in. Roman peeked his head in. “I have a Virgil Storm that Patton said is for you?”

“Yes! Send him in, please.” He tried to keep his excitement to a minimum but after falling for his soulmate twelve years ago, he was excited to see him for the first time. He stood as his soulmate entered, a shy looking young man in a purple and black hoodie with ripped black jeans.

“Virgil Storm, welcome.” He reached over the desk for a handshake, the address clear on his arm.

Virgil raised his head, eyes locking onto the purple writing that matched the pen he usually used. He shifted his gaze to Logan’s eyes. “Logan?” His voice was hesitant, as if he were already regretting the decision to ask.

Logan nodded, his attempts to contain his smile succeeding for the most part. “That’s right, soulmate.”

Virgil smiled, dropping his hood as he sat in the chair on the opposite side of the desk. Logan sat as his soulmate looked around the room. Logan couldn’t take his eyes off the man, his hair tousled from the hood, his shoulders looking more relaxed than when he came in, he looked nice. Finally, he turned back to face Logan. “So, law office, huh?” He smirked.

Logan nodded, folding his hands on his desk. “Yes. I find the work . . . fulfilling.” He reached for the documents Patton had provided for him earlier. “So, what caused you to need a lawyer?”

Virgil seemed to draw in on himself. “Well, I want to get custody of my younger brother from my parents.”

Logan nodded, making a note on a clean sheet of paper. “Okay, and do you have any reasons to know that they are unfit parents? Any reasons to believe that you would be a better guardian?” He looked up, an apology in his eyes. “I’m sorry, dearest, you must understand that these are standard questions.”

Virgil squirmed slightly in his seat. “Dearest?”

Logan nodded, avoiding eye contact. “I have no excuse for that one.”

Virgil’s hand came across the desk to rest on Logan’s. “I wouldn’t expect an excuse. I guess I just didn’t expect an exclamation of love so soon after meeting. Then again, we met when I was born, didn’t we?”

Logan looked up at him and saw a look that his own face must have mirrored. “That’s right. I’ve known you all my life and couldn’t imagine loving anyone else.” After a period of silence, he cleared his throat and straightened the papers. “We should get back on track.”

Virgil nodded, settling back in his chair. “Right. Uhh, they are abusive to him. I’d never been abused by them but when Remus came knocking at my door with some large bruises on his wrists, I knew I had to do something.”

Logan nodded. “Okay, are you aware of a moment of instigation of the abuse? You mention not being abused yourself so I’m wondering if there is a specific thing about your brother that your parents saw but didn’t like.”

“He’s transgender. That’s the only thing I can think of that they don’t like about him. I mean, I’m pretty alternative and emo myself so I can’t imagine them snapping over something as simple as a teenager who plays music too loud or watches too many horror movies.”

Logan jotted a note down. “Okay, can we circle back around to my question of how you could make a better guardian? This is a simple argument we can use in court against your parents.”

“I have a stable income that is capable of providing for two people, he’s already been living at my place for a few weeks at the moment, and . . .  I’ve contacted my soulmate.” Logan looked up from his notes just in time to see Virgil wink at him.

“Flirt,” he muttered as he went back to his notes.

Virgil leaned forward, his face confident. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Logan shook his head. “Nothing.” Looking back over his notes, he underlined certain things before looking back up at Virgil. “Okay, I think I’ll need to talk to Remus for a little bit but other than that, I think we might have a strong case. I will have to ask that you are not in the room while I talk to him but you can wait directly outside. The only reason for this is so I know he’s speaking of his own free will and isn’t allowing you to speak for him, which is something your parents might try to hold against us.”

Virgil nodded. “May I ask why you need to speak to him?”

“It’s to make sure that he understands what’s happening and is okay with you taking custody. I also have to ask him some cursory questions to know the extent of the abuse. I might also have to have some pictures taken of bruises as evidence for court.”

Virgil nodded, making a note on his arm. Logan smiled. Once that was done, Virgil leaned forward. “Are there any rules against dating your lawyer?”

Logan smiled along with him. “None that I can recall. Why, are you thinking about it?”

Virgil smirked. “Only if he’s willing to date me back.” Logan nodded, leaning forward in a silent invitation for a kiss, which Virgil accepted.

The case took a few months and was hard fought, but Virgil eventually got custody of Remus. He and Logan continued to date until Virgil and Remus moved in with Logan. The lawyer was the one to propose, much to his coworkers’ enjoyment. The wedding was a simple one but they were happy in their life. Logan asked Remus if he would prefer to be under only Virgil’s custody or if he wanted Logan to have joint custody and, when told Remus preferred the second option, quickly petitioned for joint custody, which was easily obtained. Their life was a busy one but it was happy, and it was theirs.

#tsshipmonth2020 #virgil sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #transphobia mentioned #tw: abuse mentioned #analogical #adhd!virgil #ace writes

[365days365movies]

April 8, 2021: Swiss Army Man (2016) (Recap: Part One)

Don’t think about the Boy who Lived.

Daniel Radcliffe is a talented actor with a wider range than he’s given credit for. He’s been working since childhood, and has picked up quite a lot over time. While most famous for...a certain role that will go unnamed...he famously started his stage career in 2007 with the musical Equus, and that later progressed to How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, and Endgame.

Meanwhile, he also made appearances of television in varied roles, live-action and animated. He started his career in an adaptation of David Copperfield in 1999, voiced a character on The Simpsons three separate times, hosted Saturday Night Live in 2012, and also currently has an excellent role in the anthology series Miracle Workers.

And MEANWHILE, he also had quite the robust film career, especially after...the role which shall not be named. There were a few films made during that time period, like December Boys and The Woman in Black, but most of his time was understandably taken up, as was his public image. That, of course, ends in 2011. The first time I saw him in a role outside he who shall not be named was in the film Kill Your Darlings, about the collegiate career and romance in the life of famous gay poet Allen Ginsburg. It was very good!

The same year, 2013, he starred in Horns, a unique fantasy film that I considered watching for Fantasy March. His film career would be full of ups (The F Word, Trainwreck, Lost in London) and downs (Victor Frankenstein, Now You See Me 2, Playmobil: the Movie oh God REALLY JESUS). And right in the middle of those came one of his most famous weird roles. And that’s today’s focus. And I’ve been wanting to watch it for YEARS. And while we’re talking about him, let’s talk about this film’s other star: Paul Dano.

Dano’s career also began young, and in the opposite way to Radcliffe’s: in theatre first. After a stint on Broadway at the age of 12 (GODDAMN) in Inherit the Wind, as well as several other productions, he transitioned to film in 2000, around the same time that Radcliffe started as well. Eventually, he gained acclaim with his role in Little Miss Sunshine, and then...anybody else in the mood for a milkshake right about now?

Yeah, I haven’t seen that movie, but I really should this year. Consider it on my list...at some point. I’ll figure it out. Anyway, Dano’s role in There Will Be Blood only increased his acclaim, and found him acting in a number of indie films. Dano’s definitely not a blockbuster guy, but that’s not to say that he completely avoids them either. He’s been in Knight and Day, Cowboys and Aliens, and Looper, which all fall under that category. And except for the last one...they aren’t especially good, either. 

But again, he was also in 12 Years a Slave, Okja, Wildlife, Where the Wild Things Are, and Meek’s Cutoff, and all of those were critically acclaimed, and some almost reached blockbuster status themselves. So I don’t really know how to feel about his upcoming role as...the Riddler.

Yeah, we’ll see, but I’m holding my breath. Dano’s great, and I love the Riddler, but...I dunno. Like I said, we’ll see. But in the meantime, that’s enough navel-gazing. Let’s watch Swiss Army Man! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin at sea. If you have thalassophobia, this is already terrifying for you. After seeing many plastics floating on the ocean, covered in written messages, we make our way to a deserted island, where Hank Thompson (Paul Dano) is committing suicide after being stranded there for so long.

However, as he does, he spies someone lying on the beach. The rope snaps, and Hank runs over to greet the body, hoping that he isn’t dead. Unfortunately, after a very loud burst of flatulence, it’s pretty damn clear that this is a dead body. And yes, this is Daniel Radcliffe, but I’ll introduce him formerly when the time comes.

Hank’s sad that the guy isn’t alive, but still speaks to him about his hopes and dreams in the past. He’d always wanted a life of parties and friends and love, and imagined that he’d see that kind of life in a flash before he died. Instead, he only saw the body, who responds with yet another fart. But with that, Hank goes back to trying to hang himself. 

And as he does...the body keeps interrupting with its INSANE gas. Like, it’s so bad that the body keeps shaking as if it were alive. The body washes into the sea, and its flatulence begins to propel it away from the shore. Hank sees this, and he uses the humming he was doing to make the Intro Song, which is strangely mesmerizing? Like, literally soundtrack-worthy, I’m not kidding. He also grabs a piece of his noose, uses it to grab onto the body, and rides it as the farts propel them both far away from the beach. It’s absolutely absurd...and kind of great. And then the titles play.

Hank wakes up on the short of a different island, or possible a larger land mass, and is overjoyed by the change in scenery. He shouts his name to the world, and credits the body with his rescue. No longer stranded in the Pacific, as far as we know, he tries to use his phone, to no avail. He decides to head out and look for help, grabbing a bag of Cheetos that washed up alongside them, bids the body farewell...and then comes back for it.

Carrying the farting body on his back (and kind of treating him as if he’s alive), he wanders through the forest to find help. He wonders if the gas is the result of decomposition (likely, if excessive), or if its the body’s soul leaving it. Either way, the trudge forward. They settle in a cave for the night, as it rains heavily outside. As Hank is want to do, he hums to himself, and shares more of his personal life with the body, as he sings to it. And yeah, I’ve been linking to these songs, because the soundtrack is genuinely fascinating to me.

Morning comes, and Hank awakes to a raccoon prying at the body, which he subsequently chases for food. In his desperation for food and water, he’s once again about to leave the body in the cave, but notices it leaking copious amounts of water from its mouth, which it had collected from the cave walls overnight. And yes...he drinks it. Which is absolutely disgusting when you think about it, which I now choose NOT to.

In the process, Hank squeezes the body for more water, and air escapes his mouth in such a way that it sounds like it’s speaking a name: Manny (Daniel Radcliffe). From that, Hank gets the body to speak his name and a simple greeting, but grows frustrated from the inability of the body to speak properly. This leads to him being a bit abusive towards him, reminding him unfavorably of his own father. Ooh, character revelations, me like.

Anyway, he apologizes to Manny for treating him that way...and Manny responds. Which FREAKS HANK THE FUCK OUT, understandably, and he punches Manny and flees the cave. As he comes back, Manny is indeed speaking outright, which is either a miracle or Hank just straight-up hallucinating. Either way, Hank asks Manny to try and remember his past life, but all he can get is the vague recollection of the Jurassic Park theme song. But Manny can’t remember the movie itself, which is when Hank says the most correct line ever said in all of film.

You’re goddamn right. Anyway, from, there, Hank tries to teach Manny about the ways of the world, and the nature of life and death. And the resulting conversation is absolutely fuckin’ ridiculous, and I love it all. Through the process, Manny learns about the world, and Hank asks him to help get home.

In the process, Manny inadvertently insults Hank, causing to walk off and once again look for help, only to eat poison berries and throw up for a sec. The two reunite, and their conversation turns to the topic of sex. See, there are some magazines in the cave that they’re in, which prompts some questions about women, sex, and love. To both of their surprise, this conversation causes Manny’s heart to beat! Spurred on, Hank continues, and Manny’s heart appears to reawaken...as does his penis. That’s a link to the soundtrack, I promise.

Hank and Manny both freak out, as his little Manny seems to have a mind (and motility) of its own. But in the ever absurd nature of this movie’s premise, this too has a secondary function: it’s a compass. Yup. And that prompts the next step of their journey, which is full of a conversation about fetishes and masturbation. Yeah, Hank’s surprised about that, too.

This leads to a conversation about his parents, as well as somewhat traumatic parts of his childhood, including his mother’s premature death. This makes Hank upset, and he lashes out at Manny, who briefly returns to being dead until Hank apologizes. As they go on, however, they encounter another denizen of the forest: a bear. This causes the two to fall off a cliff, and causes Hank’s phone to fall out of his pocket and turn on, allowing Manny to see the picture of a girl on his background.

Manny’s enraptured by the picture, and constantly asks to see her again, as Hank continues to struggle for food. The problem is that Hank needs to conserve the power on the phone, but Manny asks if Hank can dress up as the girl in order to help him remember, and bring him back to life to help save them both. He does so reluctantly, but Manny calls him beautiful, to which Hank reacts positively. This not only helps Manny come to life a little more, but also leads Hank to shave to look more convincing for Manny...and possibly for Hank, too.

As these two engage on a fake date and create a fake bus (while Manny listens to a fake self-sung cover of Cotton Eye Joe that I’m putting on my playlist), this is a good time to mention the one thing I know about this movie...maybe. I don’t quite remember where I heard this, but I have heard that this film is possibly a commentary on the transgender experience, or at the very least that Hank is transgender, but hasn’t come to terms with that as of yet. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I have heard that, and I’m definitely interested to see if that’s the direction this goes. This scene definitely seems to somewhat confirm this theory. Also, I will say (as I have said before when watching The Danish Girl), I’m a straight dude of the cissexual sort, so this is in NO WAY in my wheelhouse, but I still figured I’d mention it.

We’re also at the halfway point now, so this would seem like a good time to pause for Part 2! See you there!

#swiss army man #daniel scheinert #daniel kwan #daniel scheinert and daniel kwan #the daniels #daniel radcliffe #paul dano #mary elizabeth winstead #comedy april #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365days365movies #365 movies a year #moviegifs #tusernyx #userpayel #usermike

[pawprintsmoon]

You and me, Part III

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30337365/chapters/74893146#workskin

The proposal

After a shower and clean pajamas, Alex finished packing his suitcase, tucking the ring safely inside. The next morning, he was so focused on not losing it again that he ended up misplacing his coffee filled travel mug. He had put it down for one second, and suddenly it was nowhere to be seen. Henry found it in minutes and they left for the airport. Distracted beyond reason, Alex had to hop out of the car to race back inside to grab his wallet. Then he had to hop out of the car again to run inside and get his phone.

After speeding to the JFK airport, they crossed the Atlantic and spent one night in Kensington recovering from jet lag. They spent their first full day at a trans* equity conference. The English press greeted their visiting prince with union jacks and rainbows. Naturally, they responded with charming comments and smiling photos. Alex took the opportunity to livestream a message to his followers: ‘of course transgender high schoolers should be allowed on the sports team that aligns with their gender, and here’s why…’

Privately, in the car back to the palace, Henry expressed the opinion that public schools ought to have polo teams, because it’s a coed sport and ideal for nonbinary teens who don’t like to rock the boat. Alex responded with similar sentiments about quidditch. The rest of the drive they shared a familiar rant about how Harry Potter belongs to the fans (including the trans* fans) and not only to JKR.

That night, just past 2am, Alex turned over in bed to ask, “You awake?”

“Always.”

“Good. We’re going on a fieldtrip. Come on.” Alex pulled them both out of bed, and they got dressed, Alex swinging on his Gucci jacket. He would have worn a hoodie, the incognito uniform of the internationally recognizable, but tonight he didn’t want to hide himself. It was worth the risk. Besides, they didn’t really need to sneak around anymore, did they? Old habits.

He led them out of the palace, down Prince Consort Road. He stopped for a selfie with the sign, because he really had wanted to last time. A second selfie included them both, looking goofy and not caring. When they reached the back entrance of the Victoria and Albert Museum, they kissed lazily against the wall. Once Henry’s lips melted Alex’s nerves, he drew back to take the next step.

“Thing about dating the prince,” he said, holding up keys, “is that you can borrow pretty much anything he owns. And he can get the keys to anywhere if he asks nicely.”

“You’re a thief,” snarked Henry, walking through the door that Alex held open for him. “And a knave, and a scoundrel.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Alex gave the security guard a wad of cash. “Thanks, Gavin. It’ll be Renaissance City.”

They walked past sculptures, artifacts, and paintings, surrounded by the history that they were a part of. They got to the piazza, Henry’s sacred place. Just like last time, the first statue, Samson Slaying a Philistine took away what little breath Alex had, and he had to lean on Henry for support. Like windswept magnets, their lips met, for no reason at all.

Most of the time, Alex had a strong sense of Henry and himself being part of the current moment of history, changing the world in the here and now. But right then, time seemed to melt, and they were surrounded by historical sculptures telling timeless stories. Zephyr the Greek god of the west wind, Proserpina in the underworld, and Jason and his golden fleece. Archetypical and expansive.

And then there was Henry: the national gay landmark, prince charming, an obtuse fucking asshole. Hopefully his future husband. Sticking with his plan, he pulled away from Henry and got out his phone to open Spotify. Taking a deep breath, he pressed play. “Your Song” came from the tinny speakers.

“It’s a little bit funny, these feelings inside. I’m not one of those who can easily hide.”

“Why am I getting deja vu?” Henry asked, as Alex wrapped his arms around Henry’s waist.

“No clue.”

They began to sway, slow and intimate, cheek to cheek. He recognized the swelling in his chest as the same ache he’d felt when Henry first played this song for him years ago in the music parlor. Back then, he’d been trying so hard to repress his love for Henry, gripping the settee and wondering how long they would fly across the world to touch each other without talking about it. Now they let love dance around them, unbridled and openly declared in front of the world.

Other memories stirred up unbidden. Henry ghosting him after their first kiss, leaving him out in the snow and questioning everything. And then again when Alex hinted at love, leaving him in the lake with his heart carved out. Twice is not a pattern though, is it. Ever since the last time they were in this museum together, Henry had given his entire self to Alex. He had decided to be with Alex for real that night. That had been when they decided to love each other on purpose.

“I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words. How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.”

For several beats of silence, he just looked at Henry. And Henry looked at him, and the museum disappeared. The whole world faded away except Henry and himself. It was now. He knelt down to one knee slowly, never losing eye contact. Henry’s loving smile showed no surprise as Alex spoke.

“Henry George Edward James Fox-Mounchristen-Windsor,” he said, making Henry roll his eyes. “I have a question to ask you. You see, my mom asked me, back in our early days, if I felt forever about you. I knew it then, and I know it now. I want to spend my life with you. So... ”

He paused, reached into his jacket, and pulled out the bedazzled box, rhinestones spelling out ‘love.’ Henry had probably guessed that it was never intended for June’s earrings, because he laughed like the box was an inside joke. Despite knowing what was coming, he inhaled audibly when Alex opened the box to reveal a simple silver ring.

“Will you marry me?”

Henry laughed again, a laugh like the birds of sunrise. “Yes, Alex. I will marry you.”

The prince reached into his pocket and pulled out a small leather box, the same size as the one Alex held. Then, he knelt down on one knee as well, mirroring his fiancé. He opened it to reveal a thick antique gold ring inlaid with a gem that Alex couldn’t identify. Beautiful. “Alex Claremont-Diaz, will you spend forever with me as your partner, confidant, and best friend?”

“I,” Alex choked, “yeah, fuck, of course-”

Henry cut him off with a swift and passionate kiss, both of them on their knees, fumbling the engagement rings onto their fingers. Alex felt like the deceased king that had probably worn his engagement ring. They kissed until their knees grew sore, and they collapsed on the tile.

“How did you think to bring a ring and everything?”

“Believe it or not, I somehow predicted that you might do this,” Henry teased.

Their buzzing bodies urged them to get back to the palace, to Henry’s room, to the bed. So they pulled each other to their feet, both dizzy and desperate. Before leaving the piazza they held each other for just a little longer.

“I love you,” whispered Henry.

“Fuck, I know you do.” It’s an amazing thing, to know completely and utterly that somebody loves you. “I love you too.”

“I know.” Henry held him around the waist and their foreheads pressed together. “Hey, so, I know we’re going to have to have a big, gay, traditional, royal wedding and all that -”

“Which we’ll make fun!” Alex said, with the positivity of a camp counselor. The world could really benefit from a big, gay, royal wedding. “There will be so many rainbows, even only if the crowd brings them.”

“And we’ll definitely have an adequate number of champagne fountains.” Henry winked at him. “But you interrupted-”

“Sorry!”

“-me. I was saying that I know we’re doing the public wedding for the audience, and the press, but...” Suddenly Henry looked nervous. “Well, would you maybe want to…”

“Spit it out babe,” Alex kissed Henry lightly on the lips before pulling back to show that Henry had his entire attention. “I’m listening, for real.”

“Would you, would you maybe want to elope first?”

“I… um. Would we, you know, still do the royal wedding afterwards?” Alex asked. “Keep it a secret?”

“Well, yes.” The words tumbled out. “But it would be a secret that we’re keeping for ourselves. We wouldn’t be keeping a secret for an election, or family expectations, or our god damned publicists. It would be ours, and we would keep it because we want to.

“Because I want to keep you to myself, just a little bit.” Henry shrugged, sheepish. “You give so much of yourself to your country, to the world, and I love that about you, but I want this to be just us. I’d be open to inviting Bea, Pez, June, and Nora, and our parents too, if you want.”

“And honestly, I don’t really want there to be a minister or priest… maybe Pez could do it?” Henry continued. “It doesn’t even have to be legal, so people don’t find out. I don’t know, I just thought, it could be just us, making a promise. Not with the crown, not with the church, not with all your adoring fans. Just the people that really matter.”

“I…” A grin spread slowly across Alex’s face. “I love it. Yes. Hell yes. Where? Not Vegas. Paris?”

“Paris.” Relief sweetened Henry’s smile. “And I could play my vows for you on the piano, if you’d like.”

“Yes I’d like! We could do it on a sailboat with a captain! Can you bring a piano on a sailboat?” Henry shook his head and kissed Alex’s grin, nuzzling their noses together. Alex whispered, “Okay, I’ll slow down and we can figure it out together. You and me.”

“You and me.” They fell into each other, a blissful act of entropy, all lips and hands.

“Besides,” Alex said as they stopped to catch their breath. “Secrets can be kind of hot if I remember correctly.”

AN: So, I thought I'd end with the proposal, but I feel like there's maybe more here? Like, this scene was kinda building up to some 'just got engaged' smut, or it could go on to show their elopement. I'm feeling a tinsy bit uninspired for their vows though, so if any of y'all feel like writing those, I could insert to the rest of the marriage scene that could be fun. If anyone feels like doing the post-proposal smut (or the wedding night smut lol) lemme know! Otherwise, thank you for reading! Check out my other rwrb fics, if you feel like it :)

#you and me #part 3 #first prince #rwrb #proposal story #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #red white and royal blue

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #6: August 13, 2021

Okay, okay, I know it's a couples days later, but I can assure you that I did not forget; I purposefully, and kinda without a better option, didn't post on Friday, and you'll see why.

So the day started off pretty regularly: I got up, ate breakfast, got a shower, and then sat around playing games and watching YouTube for a bit.

That was until my friend showed up at my house...

He called me and said to come outside, so I did.

It wasn't long until I got into his car, and we started driving.

I definitely should have been more anxious or nervous heading out, but for some reason, I just sat there with my head absentmindedly poking out the window, not really thinking about it.

I really wish I had grasped the situation a little better.

We got down there after an hour and a half of driving and we parked a bit away because there were so many people there, so many people there, in fact, that we just got some food until it calmed down again.

It was gonna be a great fucking concert.

Hella Mega Tour 2021, originally supposed to be Hella Mega Tour 2020, but postponed for obvious reasons.

We shopped for a tiny bit beforehand, not buying anything, and then headed over to the stadium 45 minutes before the concert was set to start. We were let in about 10 minutes later, and we filled our contraband water bottles that we managed to hide on the way in.

We sat there for a bit, me just listening to music on my Redmi Buds 3 pro.

I love these things.

Pretty soon the music started, and it was The Interrupters; everyone was feeling pretty lazy for this bit.

It's not like they were bad or anything, they were actually pretty good, but I guess everyone was just getting situated and didn't wanna bother using up all of their energy lol.

So The Interrupters' set is up, and they tear down the stage and reset it. Before too terribly long, Weezer starts up, and there's a lot bigger reaction from the crowd than there was before: people knew the songs, like Africa, Buddy Holly, Beverly Hills, and Feels Like Summer to name a few.

I was getting into it a bit, I knew a good few of the songs, I was moving along, I sang a bit, took some video.

What's cool is that I could feel myself moving along the scale, like going from no excitement while no one was playing, then tapping my foot and grooving to The Interrupters.

When Weezer first came on, I was just sitting there like, "alright, this is good shit." Towards the end, I was quietly singing Buddy Holly, their last song for the night.

I say quietly because there was a lot more loudness to come.

I should add that, up until this point, the music had been kinda unbearably loud, the highs really piercing and hitting hard.

Additionally, up until this point, I had been trying my best to document the concert with videos and audio recordings; it wasn't so much about enjoying the concert, for I've always been taught just to record stuff and not worry about the concert.

I don't think I've ever really enjoyed any of the concerts I've ever been to; I was there, but I wasn't. I didn't really know too many of the songs, and I had only listened to the artists in passing, not to mention the fact that my mother had been at every other concert I've been to, which is stifling in itself. I really can't enjoy anything when she's around.

But here we were; it was starting to get dark, and Fall out Boy was coming onstage. The crowd was getting into it with Weezer, and it was time for Fall Out Boy. The energy here had far exceeded both Weezer and The Interrupters, and this went for me as well.

I was sitting there, singing along and still occasionally recording, but I didn't have my phone out too much. I started to dance in my seat with every song, for I knew almost every one: Sugar, We're Going Down, Centuries, My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark, Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy, The Last of the Real Ones, Save Rock And Roll, and Dance, Dance being a few.

Throughout this set, everyone was singing along, but the real fun had yet to begin; the scent of smoke from the flames and fireworks finding its way through the crowd, the music now strong instead of piercing, a sense of unity between everyone in this packed stadium, between people of all walks of life: men, women, children, transgender, cisgender, non-binary, gay, straight, lesbian, ace, black, white, Asian, Mexican, young, old, middle-aged, and everything in between and outside... It didn't matter who you were or where you came from; you were at a fucking party, and everyone was gonna fuck it up once the main act came on stage.

Meanwhile, everyone was more than happy to celebrate with Fall Out Boy and some of their greatest and most memorable tracks.

Part way through Fall Out Boy's set, I decided to get off of my ass and join the growing number of audience members who were really getting into the groove and feeling the music.

It was so close to becoming an explosion of energy once Fall Out Boy was about to leave the stage.

After they left, the set was torn down once again and set up for Green Day.

Their was a low mix of music playing through the speakers all the while things were being set up. Once the stage was set, the music continued for a bit, but was then cut and replaced with a voice and lyrics that everyone knew immediately.

"Is this the real life. Is this just fantasy."

The crowd sings along to every word.

"Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality."

Freddie's voice poured out into the crowd, and the crowd sang them right back.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see"

The song continued, and the whole crowd sang to the very end.

This really goes to show how impactful some people and groups can be on our lives... Although no one at the show was connected to Queen or Freddie Mercury, everyone who came to see these 4 bands still knew this great group.

Once the song was over, a mix of some of the most famous rock anthems began to play:

"We will, we will rock you"

"I love rock and roll"

"Hey, Ho, let's go"

A glorious piece all lead up to the 4 running onstage, Billie Joe Armstrong, Jason White, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool, joined now by 2 new members, Jason Freese and Kevin Preston.

All at once, it was an explosion of strong and passionate guitar jamming, soon followed by the drums and vocals of American Idiot. All at once, the crowd was rocking along with bopping heads, stomping feet, and swaying bodies. I only had my phone out to record for a short moment before I put it away and scarcely removed it from my pants for the rest of the concert.

I couldn't help but feel cocky, as a bi/pansexual (idk which one lmao), being allowed to sing the line,

"Well maybe I'm the faggot America"

I was like, "You straight bastards better not be singing that line 🤣"

It was absolutely incredible; the crowd cheered passionately and wholeheartedly at the end of every song and solo, after every quote from the band.

The coolest part about the concert was the fact that everyone just lost themselves in the music, as well as that everyone, without hesitation, followed what Billie Joe said. He says jump? WE FUCKING JUMPED. He tells us to scream? We. Fucking. Screamed. And when he wanted us to sing, we sang. I mean, okay, we were singing the whole time xD. I'm sure we would've sang if he told us to and we weren't already doing so lmao. What he said was our law, and we were doing our jobs as the dutiful citizens of Suburbia by following those laws.

It really is hard to express the level of pure energy at this gathering, especially when it radiates from every point in the packed stadium.

I screamed so loud and hard, and sang so long and passionately, that my voice started to go. But. Guess. What.

When you're at a place like this, no matter what, you just have this insatiable urge to keep going no matter what. When my arm got tired of throwing my fist in the air, I kept fucking going and even used the other arm too.

It's such a strange feeling when you feel like you're about to give out, like your voice is gonna break, or you're gonna collapse from dehydration and exhaustion, but you find around you the strength and power to keep on going, no matter how quickly your vocal health deteriorates.

Ask my friend, I couldn't speak properly after that shit xD. He even threatened to send a video of me talking to my choral teacher, who honestly would have been mad at me lmao.

Meanwhile, Green Day is playing some of their greatest hits, old and new alike, and I knew every single fucking one of them. I sang every song, and only took a break between 2 of them to down my whole bottle of contraband water in 3 seconds flat.

At one point, the band stopped playing, and Billie spoke into the microphone.

"Get your pretty lights out. I wanna see the pretty lights."

Everyone got their phones out and turned the torches on, as per his command.

"Turn the house lights off."

The lights go off, and the stadium is lit up almost as bright as it had been before, but this time with the lights of thousands.

"Look at that."

It was honestly an incredible moment.

That brings me to another point: when you go to a concert, you're not just paying for the music, you're not just paying to see a band, you're paying for an experience.

Let me tell you, this was one hell of an experience.

If you don't leave a concert feeling fulfilled, then the performers didn't do their job of giving you the experience that you paid to be a part of. I'm so happy that these four bands, especially Green Day, were able to deliver.

I really did love every moment of that show, which is such a rarity for me. I'm really happy that my friend took my mother's place. I can't fucking enjoy everything when she's around.

Oh yes, it wouldn't be one of my daily blogs without me talking about how my mother consistently pisses me off. Don't worry, I have some happy shit left to end on.

I swear to fluff though, she always manages to ruin everything for me. When we went to see The Lion King on Broadway, she insisted on coming with. That meant that I wasn't able to relax in my seat because this disgusting woman was sitting next to me and I had to cram myself to the side of my chair away from her. It meant that I wasn't allowed to cry when Mufasa died or during Can You Feel The Love Tonight because I knew I'd get made fun of for it.

I even went to a Fall Out Boy concert before, her refusing to let me go myself, and I didn't sing a single song because she'd just tell me to let the professionals handle it.

And for fuck's sake, the time she compared me trying to fucking validate my existence as a trans person to her wanting a car... That will always fucking piss me off.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. I was talking about how she ruins everything for me.

I literally cannot be myself around her. I've always been judged and ridiculed by my parents, and still am. I can't enjoy anything when they're around because I'm too focused on trying not to get made fun of or yelled at.

That being said, that concert was absolutely fucking incredible. I was with thousands of people who felt the same way that I did, and I could fucking jam out if I wanted to.

Apart from everyone being really on top of their game, and Billie Joe basically not aging since he turned 25, the only really notable thing left to say about the performance was when they pulled a kid guitarist onstage. He played for a bit, and they ended up letting him keep the guitar lmao.

BEST PART IS:

I SAW THE KID AFTER THE CONCERT, AND I WAS LIKE,

"Omg, hey, can I get a selfie with you?"

I was trying to be really low-key and quiet cuz I didn't wanna draw too much attention to him lmao.

The security guard was like, "Yeah, sure, but hurry up."

I TOOK THE PIC REALLY QUICKLY AND THEN HEADED OUT

HERE IT IS

YES, OF COURSE I BLOCKED OUT MY FACE

But I absolutely love the vibes of this photo xD. It's blurry, the lighting is shit, and you can barely make out any details. It has a lot of character, and I would take this over a clean, clear photo any day.

Walking away, the kid's mom said, "You're like, the coolest kid ever now."

Agreed.

Then it was time to go home. Honestly, I didn't feel sad that it didn't last longer, or disappointed that I had to leave. I was actually very satisfied and fulfilled with what happened, which is honestly the way it should be.

Driving home, I stayed awake by sticking my arm out of the window and letting the cold rain hit fast like tiny needles.

I got home.

I passed out.

Although, that was technically on Saturday 🤔

ANYWAY, THIS IS MY LONG ASS BLOG FOR FRIDAY THE 13TH

I hope you enjoyed

Be good people!!!!

-Leonna

#Concert #Green Day #Fall Out Boy #Weezer #The Interrupters #Green Day Concert #Daily Blog #Blog #Trans #LGBTQ #alternative rock #Alternative #Pop Punk #Punk Rock

[msotherworldly]

10 CAS Features I Would Like to See in the Sims 5

I’ve already made two lists on features I would like to see in the next installment of the Sims series, but I thought the area of character creation necessitated it’s own category. For some, building is all they do; others simply want to play the game, completing as many of the aspirations and befriending as many other sims as they can. Then there are those of us who are obsessed with the characters themselves. We use mods to give them height or new hair colours, spend hours downloading virtual clothes online, and craft elaborate backstories. Even the length of our Sims noses are important to us. With both improvements and losses in the fourth game, it’s only natural that I have a wish list for the fifth title.

1) Hair Options

EA’s hairs have improved over the years, but you’re required to buy numerous expansion and stuff packs to acquire them. Even with several expansion hairs at my disposal, I find myself turning to mods to find the type of hair I like: wavy, long, and with bangs.

The ability to craft your own hairstyles would be a boon to the series. What if you could change the length of your hair, as well as the type (straight, wavy, curly, or kinky)? What if you could add or remove different bang types? The ability to dye different parts of your hair, as seen in Sims 3, any colour you wanted, including roots, tips, or even streaks, would be feasible. Even throwing colour down wherever, as seen in the Sims 4 Pet system, should be possible: at that point, you could have someone with rainbow hair!

For more complicated styles, such as braids, buzz cuts, or accessorized updos, default hairs could still be provided, but even some of these should include the option to add bangs (straight fringe, uneven fringe, or side swept) as well as dyes and types.

2) Clothing Customization

To the same end, the ability to edit the game’s clothes would excite those of us who have become addicted to Animal Crossing’s latest “Pro Design” option. Outfits would have a “remove sleeve” option, or the ability to make them long or short. Hoodies could be toggled, so that Sims could choose to wear them up or down. Skirts or dresses could be made short, medium or long, and designs could be asymmetrical. Patterns could be added to less complex outfits using a stamp tool, similar to what was developed for Pets; t-shirts could have stripes, polka dots, or chevron patterns added! More skilled simmers could even draw their own illustrations on to clothes.

3) Accessories & Additional Categories

In the Sims 4, you can have hats and necklaces, but not tiaras and scarves. More accessories should be given their own categories, allowing you to add kerchiefs, woolly scarves, tiaras, headbands, or bows to your Sim—in addition to everything else.

Some accessories could be added to other clothes, such as a “belt” option you can use to add colour to any of the game’s pants. All of the shirts would also include a “tie” category. Purses and backpacks could be added to the game, independent of whatever outfit your Sim was wearing, as well as more slots for rings and earrings.

Jackets and t-shirts might even be made separate, allowing your Sim to don their favourite hoodie whatever their outfit for the day. There could be capes, shawls, masks...more categories would make for some fun combinations (and perhaps more notoriously ugly townies).

4) Colour Wheel: Skin, Hair, and Eyes

The Sims 3 featured a colour wheel for both hair and eyes which was missed in the Sims 4. Gone are the days when you could give your Sim dark purple hair and blood red eyes without the use of mods. What Sims 3 didn’t do was include a colour wheel for skin (though the options given through expansions over time gave a close approximation).

The types of Sims you could make in the Sims 5 with a colour wheel would be endless. In addition to making them all resemble anime characters with purple eyes and pastel pink hair, the ability to choose any skin colour would enable the creation of characters like Grimora or Thanos. You could make a town full of Simpson’s type characters if you wanted to.

Having free rein over skin tones would also allow players to tweak any EA skin tones they weren’t happy with. You’d be able to add more red to the tones, darken them, or simply make them appear less washed out.

5) Height Slider

It’s understandable why a height slider hasn’t been implemented, given the strain it would put on animations. While I won’t be (too) upset if this is too difficult to add, there’s no denying that it greatly diversifies characters. A tall character stands out from a short one, leading to cute but awkward couples of drastically varying heights, as well as making the world more realistic.

At the very least, there should be a notable height difference between teens and adults, whom I can’t tell apart.

6) Sex & Gender

The Sims 4 added great options for sex and gender when they enabled unisex clothes and the ability to make transgender Sims. It was the first game I saw that enabled that level of control, and I hope to see an improved version of the system in the Sims 5.

Still absent are more gender categories. In addition to “male” and “female” identities, there should also be a “non-binary” option. In game, depending on what you choose, your Sims would then be addressed as “he,” “she,” or “they.”

Having body types that sat more on a spectrum could open up the character creator too, adding a third body slider that would tend towards masculine or feminine without being strictly one or the other unless you chose to sit at either extreme. Masculine or feminine attributes (such as breasts) could be added independent of the body type, and all clothes and hairs would remain available to all Sims.

7) Personality Quirks

Some of these aspects might feel more like grocery shop lists to some people, but I found they added to my Sims. The Sims 3 allowed you to choose your sim’s favourite food, colour, and music. In the Sims 2, you could choose your turn on’s and turn off’s, such as hair colour or body type. The Sims 3 also introduced a biography section where you could type out your Sim’s backstory and any additional details you wanted to include.

While these attributes mostly contributed to generating moodlets, they could be made more integral to the game. Sims could experience increased happiness wearing their favourite colour or seeing it in a room. Sims could write higher quality songs in their preferred genre. Socials could be opened around these traits, with Sims finding friendships easier to build after discovering that they shared one or more.

The turn on and turn off system could be extended to all levels of attraction: a Sim’s sexual orientation could be defined, offering straight, gay, bisexual, or pansexual as options. No more having your female Sim chatting up Brent or Brant when you’re not looking!

8) More Traits

The ability to choose only three traits for adult sims has never felt sufficient. Even five traits don’t feel like enough for more complex characters. The option to have five traits by default (and then to unlock more “default traits” through the rewards store using a potion) would be welcome.

The inclusion of more options would be great too; who doesn’t want a “sarcastic” trait?

8) Disabilities

There are dozens of disabilities in the real world, making the inclusion of them all impossible. However, more common disabilities, such as having a bionic leg or being relegated to a wheelchair, should be represented. Elderly Sims should have the option of needing canes or walkers.

More complex disabilities, such as being deaf, mute, or blind, would be difficult to add, owing to the array of socials, such as sign language, that would need to be added. However, if such disabilities could be included, the game would be even more inclusive than it already is.

At the very least, wheelchairs and prosthetic limbs should be doable. There’s some hope that even Sims 4 could receive such features.

9) More Tattoo Options

As someone who’s a tattoo enthusiast in real life, I find the game’s selection disappointing. Moreover, I miss the versatility offered by the Sims 3 system, which allowed you to edit the size, colours, and placement of the tattoo. There need to be more tattoos, particularly with each pack; they should follow the typical categories (tribal, new school, traditional, Japanese, and more) with some funkier pieces thrown in.

Tattoos shouldn’t be limited by slots either, meaning that you should be able to have ten different designs on one leg if you choose. More skilled Simmers should be given the option to draw their own designs, and then share those designs with others on the Gallery.

A Sim could have their name, or a portrait of their significant other, inked into their skin—with wonderful or disastrous results.

10) Save an Outfit

This final feature is more about convenience than anything. Have a fashionista Sim for whom five outfit slots aren’t enough? Plan to create an asylum or group in which a single uniform is needed? Wish to transfer the same outfit to another outfit category?

This feature would allow you to save an outfit. You can already save Sims and houses to the library, and a third “closet” category could save hours of sifting through clothes in order to recreate a look. These looks could be uploaded to the Gallery. With the other features I mentioned (colour wheels, hair manipulation, dyes and stamps), outfits, along with their matching hairstyles, could be accessed effortlessly and shared with the community.

Shirts with detailed illustrations or zanier dye jobs could be uploaded and accessed by others, thereby removing the need for simpler mods and the barrier they present for those who want to keep their game “cc free.”

There are more features, most of them small, that I would love, but these ten cover what I would like to see. It goes without saying that I want to see other aspects (such as the click and drag tool and the two body sliders) given further freedom, but if even a colour wheel is added I’ll be enthused.

#sims4 #rileyplays #wish list

[fuck-customers]

Fuck my old company basically

TW for homophobia/transphobia, I don’t know for sure if what I’m going to mention will be considered either of those, but I want to make sure just in case

Gotta give some background first: I used to work for a big lab company, lets call it West Diagnostics, for two and a half years. I wasn’t super special, just a specimen tech, and I basically helped make sure the doctor’s test orders were input correctly and that the patient samples matched with what was needed. There were about 150 of us total I think, and that was just for our department during night shift. The lab itself had a bunch more departments and employees, but that’s not super important. But most of these people are very cliquey and treat you differently if you don’t fit in with them in any way, and they all get away with whatever they want while the rest of us who are more like outsiders would constantly be reprimanded for not “following the rules”. For example, there weren’t any explicit rules about not talking quietly to those sitting next to you during work as long as you got shit done, and all of the people who fit in with the clique and the managers/supervisors would be extremely loud all night and barely meet their quotas for what their production should be, but if myself or my friends were talking at all we would get told we weren’t allowed to talk during work and that we needed to focus on what we were doing, even though our production never slipped (and if I may brag for a second, my production was typically in the top 3 for how much I could get done in a single night, consistently for the entire time I worked there, so talking didn’t have any negative affects on me whatsoever).

This company also fired me under wrongful termination. I told them when I was hired that I sometimes got gout attacks, and usually I would still hobble in to work even though I was in agony and could barely walk, but on a few occasions the attacks were so horrible that I had to go to the ER, and then had to call out for a few days per doctor orders. My managers refused to look at my doctor notes, saying I had to file a claim through the third party insurance company and get my medical leave time approved through them for it to be taken off my record and not seen as an absence. I did that but the third party denied my claim anyway, even with the proof I’d literally been in the hospital. These happened three times over the course of a year, and even when I tried to get FMLA paperwork through my doctor to show that I had medical needs in which I might have to call off here and there, they still denied my claims and wouldn’t take the first-hand documents, so I ended up getting fired on “attendance issues” even though I had a disability and a medical reason for not showing up to work during those times. They fired me two days before the Christmas party, and they said that my friend, who had offered to pay for my ticket so I could go with her while I was still working there, didn’t put any money in for me, so I couldn’t even go to the party to say goodbye to my other friends.

In summary: I hate this place and almost everyone who works there. Most of them treated me like shit anyway, even though I did more work than them. They made it clear I wasn’t part of the clique, and neither were my other friends, and they shut us out of pretty much everything and made us feel very awkward.

Anyway, the first year and a half I’d been there is when they started doing Christmas parties, so I was able to go to that one. It was at a really nice place with a big banquet hall and everyone dressed up really fancy, but things got really weird when they started playing sexually suggestive games (male employees held a large cucumber between their legs to mime an erect penis and then female employees would walk in a circle around them while music played, and when the music would stop they’d have to grab a guy’s cucumber to move on to the next round; think musical chairs but with more sexual harassment), and there were even small children there, since people could bring their families. It was just plain inappropriate.

Fast forward to now. I still have a few friends from there that I’m connected with on Facebook, and one of them was tagged in pictures from this year’s Christmas party. It was in another nice banquet hall and things looked nice, right up until everyone collectively decided that it was totally okay and appropriate for the male employees to have a drag contest as entertainment. I’m not kidding when I say that all of the guys did it, and there are even pictures of their girlfriends/wives/other female friends doing their makeup and helping them put on dresses in the middle of the dining hall.

Now I have no problem with people who like to wear drag if they want to, but what I do have a problem with is putting it on display like this, at a company party, as if it’s all a huge joke they can laugh about. I’m sure they weren’t doing it for any of the wrong reasons and were just stupid. But still, what if someone at the party were transgender? What if someone were queer and used dressing in drag as a way to express themselves and their label? To make a joke out of something people do to express their identities is rude, to say the least, and also not appropriate for a company party! The managers and supervisors were there! Everyone’s families were there! Who thought that was okay??!!

Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing, especially after all the shit I went through at that company and what happened to me, but the whole thing just doesn’t sit right. There are so many other activities they could do that would have been way less embarrassing.

#fuck co-workers #cashier problems #happy ending #submissions #retail law #server problems #fuck customers #trigger warning #embarrassing #call center problems #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #fuck retail #tw #retail justice #submission

[destroyyourbinder]

the day i was a man

In the summer of 2019, I decided to fully shave my head into a buzzcut, something I had never done before. I had a lot of feelings emerge and re-emerge at the time. While I was still visibly female in my day to day life- something that felt uniquely frightening given the utter dykeyness of my haircut- I accidentally discovered one day in August that my haircut could allow me to pass as male. While I had deliberately tried to “pass” in an earlier life, at the height of experiencing gender dysphoria, I was never taken to be a man except by chance (such as from behind or from afar). So potentially being able to pass as male was a new and disorienting experience, one I felt compelled to explore out of multiply perverse kinds of curiosity. As a context note: I mention my partner frequently in this piece, who has detransitioned from her transition from female to male, but chooses to handle her situation through continuing to pass as male at work and in public. Her experiences unavoidably framed my experience trying to pass for a day, and this experiment changed permanently how I see both her passing persona and the public presentation of female transgender people. If you can pull it off, and perhaps even if you can’t (a different, but also nervewracking experience), I recommend women try this at least once, especially if you claim to understand the experiences of transgender female people. It is a female experience to which there are truly few comparisons, and to which even the majority of living gender non-conforming lesbians cannot relate. Having largely recovered from gender dysphoria, I cannot imagine having to permanently live my life this way nor finding it affirming to do so, and I am disturbed that this experience was one I once aspired to and envied. However, I am glad I had it, and I plan to try again sometime in this upcoming summer when I can cut my hair without freezing. My partner now knows I did this, and I am especially curious what it might be like being seen together.

I wrote this the day I chose to do this experiment. My goal was to take public transportation to a shopping center so I could check out some shoes I was considering buying. The first part (in present tense) I wrote before leaving the house and while dressed in preparation, the second part (in past tense) was written after I returned, using my memories of the experience. It has been mildly edited for readability and to include a few details and pieces of context.

----

I am scared of what happens not if I pass but if I don’t pass. In trying to become a man I have become a woman I am afraid of and afraid for. It’s often the same thing when you are a woman watching women. I am having trouble breathing under three sports bras when I usually wear none. My chest is flat unless I actually stand up straight and proud. I have to be ashamed to become a man, although they say men are confident and becoming one will make you so. I debate whether or not to put some kind of fake dick in my pants, although I doubt that will do anything, and I shudder to think what will happen if I do and it doesn’t work. Being a woman with a dick stuffed in your pants: at best I’m pathetic, at worst I am a monster.

I don’t know how to explain this to my girlfriend. I don’t know how to explain that I had to do this, at least once. I don’t know how to explain to her something she already knows.

I wonder if I’ve been watching too many music videos. I wonder if this is about sex. I don’t know how I can wash our dishes while being a man, but I decide I should try before I try something bold like letting people look at me.

The danger of not passing is violence. The danger internally is that it would be deserved. I realize there’s no real way to justify wanting to do this, nonetheless actually doing it. I think wanting to transition is sublimated fear. I wonder if this will help me with my social anxiety, because this fucking sucks. This is not the exposure therapy the doctor ordered. It feels familiar to be ashamed of myself and hold my body this way, like an old chair molding around my butt, like stepping into old shoes. Dykes go to the outdoor store but do bulldykes go there? I realize I don’t know anything about bulldykes. I understand why so many trans people are so preoccupied with being fake vs. real, false vs. genuine. There is something intrinsically very fake about passing. You are faking the other sex. Of course you feel fake. It is a pretense. It feels very odd to pretend so seriously, so people pretend that they are not pretending after all. I am fixated on the small things all over again. I find myself wondering when I tie my girlfriend’s boots to my feet whether or not men have ankles like mine. My laces are too wide at the bottom, too small at the top. I worry that this will lead me to be discovered or worse, mocked. I know this is absurd but in this state I don’t feel like I can take any chances, like I would even know what chances to take. When I went to get the bus I thought I saw my coworker. It ended up not being her, but I crossed the street and circled back because I didn’t want her to see me so strange, doing something so weird and incomprehensible. I understand now why people change towns, friends, abandon their family. This is difficult to explain, even if you say you are “trans”. It doesn’t make sense, fundamentally, to anyone with a grounding in their body. The bus driver was a big black woman, serious face, tattoos. I think she was a dyke. I got the sense she was looking at me out of the side of her eye when I got on the bus, but that might be paranoia. I didn’t know because I didn’t want to look her in the face too hard. I get why my girlfriend’s so avoidant in public. You don’t want people to know what you’re doing, you don’t want people to see your face. It’s real hard to know what emotion to put on there when you’re a dude. It’s real scary to not have the barrier of a woman’s smile or laugh anymore. It almost feels nice to not have to do it, but how do you handle anything? I’m the type of woman who’s been able to get away with this gender weirdo shit throughout my life because I gave an oh-shucks smile at the end of it, that little woman’s laugh that means I’m not a threat, not serious, not anything at all. When you’re “a man” you can’t do that anymore. You’re naked under six layers of clothes. When you can’t do that anymore you’ve got nothing except sheer bravado and nothing to back it up. What if it doesn’t work, what if you suddenly become the type of girl who doesn’t smile? I get why my girlfriend doesn’t look anybody in the face, even though she looks real fucking shifty sometimes. You can’t look a man in the face and not be able to back it up. Men are like reactive dogs. They’ll get fucked up if you look them in the eye. On the bus I realized all of the sudden even though I’ve read a billion passing guides, and I’ve stared down dudes real jealous my whole life I do not know how a man sits. I had fixated so much on the legs and where they go that I didn’t know what they did with hands, elbows; how do you look out the window if you’re a guy? What do you look at? I snatched glances at the dude up front, an ambiguously brown teen who could probably pass as white in the right places but not the wrong ones, a dude with a big mop of floppy curly dark hair and what looked like a serious case of apathy. He was scrolling on his phone, and I could see the divots of acne scars forming on the side of his face. Guy didn’t look like he could grow a lot of facial hair but probably made up for it with encyclopedic knowledge of Fortnite or some shit. I knew he had a life, but he seemed like most men, kind of constitutionally dull. He wasn’t looking at anything, really, I guess only kids and women really look at stuff. Which made it hard to do the whole clandestine observation thing, I decided, a guy who looks at stuff is not really a dude. I tried to look kinda dumb and wasn’t sure where my jaw should go. The girlfriend does this thing sometimes with her mouth that makes me cringe when she does it at home. Sometimes she phases in and out of her passing persona if she’s talking about work or feeling threatened for whatever reason, if she’s in a different place and time than the place and time where she’s home and a wife and all that. She does a little underbite, doing that thing that internet FTMs do in the pictures they take; I figured she learned to do it like a little bird puffs itself up, it makes her little head look bigger and squarer. I tried to do it when out and about; my teeth don’t fit together that way. I’m sure I looked like a moron. But men do dumb shit all the time.

I transferred to the train, and when I got off at the station I ended up walking kinda the wrong way for a while. I imagined all the people in the cars staring at me. I hate walking on the sidewalks along highways and strip malls. I dunno if they look, and if they do, what they see. I was real nervous but I figured I didn’t know any of them anyway and made it into the shopping center where the store was. It occurred to me that if this was an adventure it was quite a stupid one, but it was an adventure nonetheless, complete with the actual lack of excitement and the actual presence of fear. I had never been in this particular store before and everything was displayed so tastefully. I was dismayed to notice the presence of a million salespeople, and realized I didn’t fucking know which gender of shoe I even wanted to try to look at because I didn’t know how I was coming across. I was not going to be a dude who asks for women’s shoes, a.k.a. a woman who’s obviously doing something real weird asking for women’s shoes nonetheless. And at this store you gotta ask for the shoes, and I didn’t want to use my voice because I’m pretty sure I’m obviously female by voice. So I just stared awkwardly at the shoes, mostly, I checked the prices and the clearance racks, and they were too expensive anyway. At one point I realized I was looking at the women’s shoes (which seemed like a huge fucking big deal) and I went to cross over to the men’s shoes, there was a group of bros standing in front of the men’s shoe wall and they parted like the red sea when I went over. I think this was passing because frankly I’ve never had men ever get out of my fucking way. I ended up circling around the store and leaving because no way was I going to afford any of the shit in there, and they didn’t even have very many shoes of the kind I was looking for. I went into the chain pet store next door and wandered around in there. There was a young person working the register who was a young lesbian or a trans kid or something. Every time I saw a woman I felt guilty, it was real weird to be separated so much from women. I had thoughts of jumping out, you know, and saying “boo”, following a woman a bit too close to see what would happen, even though I knew that would be real fucking mean. But it would be the test. See how women react to you: are you still a woman yet? What happens when you’re not a women to women anymore? It seems real fucking lonely. I was already lonely, and it had been maybe three hours. Men are real rude to other men. Some old white sales guy was like,“excuse me”, real curt and direct in a way I’d never got before, not gentle but not with the contempt-force they use towards a fucked up woman. It was empty of all the shit I’d learned to expect. How men deal with the emptiness I don’t know. They must fill it with all sorts of nonsense just to pass the time, just for kicks, is that why they want to hit each other and fuck things? There was a little girl with her family outside the stores, she had a floppy autistic hand and was wearing cargo shorts, I wished her luck inside my head but couldn’t smile at her and my heart broke.

I walked around and tried to find the other location of a store I used to work at. I knew it was around there somewhere but couldn’t find where the building was. My stomach was grumbling and it occurred to me that if I needed to use a bathroom I’d be screwed. Even if I was still plausibly visibly female I was female in the way that’d get me bathroom trouble, and I wasn’t quite dudely enough to stride into the men’s. The store I used to work at had gender neutral bathrooms, and I realized a hell of a lot of trans people must be in a huge pickle all the time. I understand the bathroom resentment even if trans people project their validation shit onto it. It’s easier to believe you’re being invalidated than that you’re scared because you’re doing something real weird and you’re in hiding all the time. I don’t know how people live like this full time. There’s got to be a lot of grief, nihilism, resignation when you finally make it so you can’t go back. The tension’s unbearable: I imagine a lot of trans people think that the tension will be resolved if they make themselves undiscoverable, if they just push themselves more towards perceptibly male.

The sports bras were hurting me. It was hard to walk so much in this get up. I found I was breathing with my mouth open a lot to get enough air, and the word “mouthbreather” kept occurring to me. I realized the shit that I had to knock out of me as an autistic woman was double-edged as someone trying to pass. A lot of it actually helped, a healthy and hamhanded disrespect/disregard for etiquette is very male, but I realized I was still real weird with weird motivations and weird in ways that would make me stick out even as a dude. I understood why the girlfriend has a persona-- she says he’s some nobody, a stoner dude, a guy who doesn’t have all that much to say and of course it’s kinda stupid if he did-- to cover the incongruities. Before I got back on the train there was this young black woman with a swagger, wearing what looked like men’s pants, wandering around the platform. I figured the universe was fucking testing me today because she might be gay too. She was talking on her phone in a video chat, getting way too close to the edge. She wobbled over the edge a couple times, then decided to sit on the fucking platform with her legs out over the tracks . Some shady white guy wearing gloves was doing some weird shit with the ticket machines, a lot of coins were coming out and he was rustling around. I figured he had some kinda scheme and decided to leave him very alone because I didn’t know how the fuck I was supposed to react as a fellow guy if he wanted something from me. The woman didn’t look up when the train coming the opposite way signaled, and I got scared I was gonna have to drag her off the tracks, like maybe she wasn’t doing good and she was gonna try something. I realized I didn’t want to die as a man, didn’t want that woman to be saved by me as a man, what if they called up my girlfriend and said I was some dude, what if she found me in three sports bras and three shirts in the hospital, what would everyone think. Swagger gal jumped the hell out of her skin and scooted away when our train was coming, so I didn’t have to worry about it. When I got on some family plopped down in front of me, and I felt that grief again. If I was a man I couldn’t look at kids with the same gentleness, there was no solidarity with the mom and her weariness, I couldn’t take the load on my hips alongside her. I didn’t want to do this any more. I had planned to catch the bus on my way back but the bus wasn’t going to come for a while. I decided to walk from my home train station and see if I could catch my girlfriend at work but realized I didn’t want her to see me like this. I didn’t know who I was, walking through the dark back into the neighborhood. I peeked into a dark bar with sports on the televisions, a lot of normal heterosexuals doing their thing. But back on the main drag it was trendier heterosexuals everywhere. I stopped beside a dark park to take off two of the bras and tucked them in my pockets. I had no idea what the fuck I looked like when I was walking somewhere more familiar, didn’t know where to put my chin, didn’t know whether I was incongruent, incomprehensible, or I was just myself. My clothes were all mine except the beanie and the boots. It was nothing crazy but I felt crazy, I felt split in two, schizophrenic in the old-school definition way. If my coworkers saw me they’d know me, but maybe I wouldn’t know me in return. When I got to my girlfriend’s workplace I realized she wasn’t in the building; she had stepped across the street to take a break and get some air. I don’t think she recognized me coming across the street. I felt all fucked up for a long hot second until she broke into a smile. I couldn’t tell if she was astonished I was out and about in the area at that hour or that that body was me. I wandered on home, got an Arizona iced tea, went up to the corner pharmacy all weird in the head and high on drag to get some mascara to see if I could make me a beard someday. The people at the pharmacy usually know me, and I didn’t want to be some weirdo who was trying to be a guy in front of them. The guy who I think’s a manager was around, then a barely-outta-adolescence woman with a bob of orange hair and strange makeup and a big old nose ring. These days they make eyebrow mascara, in each brand there were a million different kinds. Who knew, and who knew it cost 12 bucks for a little tube. I went around the corner feeling lucky: there was some in the clearance section. Why someone like me’d buy mascara for your eyebrows, who knows. I was titillated by the tiny brushes. The young woman at the counter wanted to talk to me about my nose ring, hers was only a tad bigger, and she told me she must’ve hit a nerve when she stretched. Her piercings were nice, I was happy to have a conversation with a woman as a woman of some sort even though she was a different kind of woman all in all. When the wall comes down it’s terrible. I can’t imagine that wall all the time and what that must do to women behind it.

#writings

[no-eye-browed-freak]

Why am I the one who gets cyber bullied

Why am I the one who gets chosen to be cyber bullied?     This week someone posted a video making a rape joke. I have always learned to call someone out when they did something wrong. I commented on their video rape jokes aren't funny,  there are never funny, they are not yours to joke about. “Tranny” “snowflake” “n-word” “shemale” “cotton picker” Is what I got called back and there's more. Usually, I would brush it off maybe ignore them, come back with the insult such as failed abortion, an insult to society, a loner. But these comments got so bad people to start cyber bullying me on my own Tik Tok account. The only hater this school year I had was mostly myself. I'm not perfect far from it, I know I still can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling disappointed. But who really does. Some things I love about myself are my curls, my culture, my eyes, but there are things I hate about myself and I am sure you hate something about yourself too. I'm trying to make my mental health good instead of being depressed every day but how can I do that when people could sit behind the screen and tell me to kill myself. Someone said, “You called me a failed abortion but you're the one who wants to run away from their identity”. I think they meant I wanted to run away from my sex. But being transgender doesn't change anything about me.

A couple of days after I posted that comment I kept on getting hate. I replied to a comment saying “makes sense for someone following six nine.” They replied “ and you think you're better following Jojo Siwa”  the difference between six-nine the rapper and Jojo Siwa is that one is a performer that raped someone and it's definitely not a dancer who entertains children. While looking at all these hate comments I was also looking at the profile pictures. Somewhere the rainbow flag crossed out, somewhere pitch-black character holding a gun,  and somewhere the black power fist but with a middle finger. Some hate comments were also from black people. How could someone with the same culture as me defend the people who were calling me the n-word? More and more people were saying that dark humor helps rape victims. One of my favorite poems is called Rape Joke and these two young women stated “They are allowed to joke about it because it's theirs to joke about”. If I was white I wouldn’t joke about middle eastern people because it’s not mine to joke about.

A few days later after I made that comment, I made a video of me celebrating Black Culture. I did that because Tik Tok had a blackout which was a protest for more black creators to be seen. The first comment I got on that post was “no”.  The next comment I got on that post was “there should be a day for white creators”. I replied with “white creators didn't have to deal with slavery”. And today a comment I got on the post was: “L - Liberty G - Guns B - Beer T - Trump” At first, I played it off and replied to his comment saying “A - All C - Cops A - Are B - Bastards

J - Just L - Like Y - You” Then he replied with” pressed” and a clown emoji. I told him “ you are a neglected child I feel bad for you do you want a hug?” as a joke. He soon later said “ No if I were your parents I would go abort you and make you pick my cotton” Is this really the world we live in? Correction is this still the world we live in? What's funny about this is I checked his page and he likes music artists such as Frank Ocean, H.E.R, and more. Those are black artists you listen to delightful black music but you can't accept someone for being black. I deleted my account today. I’m considering taking a break from my other social media accounts. Sometimes I just want to throw my phone away. But I’m scared I’ll lose touch with my friends.

#cyberbullies #blacklivesmatter #imblack #transgender

[ae0nx]

MY HERO ACADEMIA SEASON 4 EPISODE 2!

Ok, I’m super hyped for this season now. Crazyyyy shit went down and I have thoughts about it that some people might not like... or maybe they might understand why I feel that way? But anyways, let’s get into it...

- I’m liking the theme song more and more after every listen. It might eventually make my top three. Sorry, ‘The Day’.

Swag. Overhaul. What a first entrance. It’s probably my favourite introduction to a villain so far besides that first full reveal of All for One. He’s just straight up pimpin’. There’s no other description. Especially with that coat.

‘I DID NOT COME TO PLAY WITH YOU, HOES’

Also, the character music they gave him was dope! Up there with All for One’s theme. The shading and colour tint - and even the line art sometimes - in his scenes were all just beautiful.

...Right. This is the moment I mostly wanted to talk about. I really loved getting this little snippet of a backstory from Magne. It honestly just made me want to find out more about her ideals and why she decided to join the League of Villains. We’re told that she basically found the League as somewhere she can comfortably belong... which I’m reading as she feels most comfortable being able to express herself as a transgender woman with the League rather than her being transgender in society. 

Which makes me raise questions as to how the transgender community is looked at in the MHA universe. We know so far of one other transgender character, Tiger, and he didn’t choose a life of villainy (instead going in the complete opposite direction) and for the most part seems accepted by others, just feared cos of how tough he is lol. I just wanna know what other motivation Magne had for becoming a villain besides her new found family.

Anyways...

...too bad we’re not gonna get that answer. 

Anime is interesting. If this was a Marvel film or any other type of western media, directors and writers would be getting dragged for killing one of two transgender characters, just seconds after we get a backstory for her. And while I don’t think we should be dragging Horikoshi’s name through the mud, I do think it’s something we should at least acknowledge. Anime has never been politically correct and over the years and I find myself excusing a lot of stuff that goes on cos I don’t feel educated or experienced or even belonging enough to Japanese culture to really critique it. Plus, I’ve gotten lax about it cos overtime I’ve just shrugged it off as ‘anime be anime’.

It just felt unfortunate that we finally get this interesting backstory for this character and suddenly they’re offed. I get someone had to die to show Overhaul meant business but... it just felt... weird. Maybe that was the whole point? ...hm.

The amount of blood. Brutal. 

- I will say I’m not totally sold on Overhaul’s English VA. I think his germ freakout moment needed to be a bit more vocally dramatic to contrast his almost monotone and low and weirdly calm voice. Especially in the one scene where Overhaul is literally breaking out in hives.

I would laugh at this if it weren’t so incredibly dark. God, I can’t wait to see more of Overhaul this season! He definitely seems like a contender and he doesn’t need over 100 quirks to prove it!

I appreciate this weird, murderous, found family! It’d be sweet if they weren’t all so twisted.

Why isn’t Bakugo allowed to do a work study? Is it cos he was kidnapped or is it cos he still needs to get his provisional licence? I’m guessing the latter. (I just wanted to acknowledge best boy cos I know he’s barely getting any screen time this half of the season).

I love this small moment. I love how human he seems now that he’s locked in Small Might form. Oh, All Might... (when he dies, it’s gonna be a sad few months for me)

BIG THREE. AND BEST BOIIIII

...Dis boi. <3

- Also, I love the English VA for Mirio! His ‘AWWWW YEAHHH’, is one of my top moments this episode

- Mirio being All Might’s secret son and asking Izuku why he wants to be a hero. What a good boy! :’)

I LOVE ME SOME DOMESTIC CLASS 1A! Having them move into dorms was the best autocorrect decision, I dunno why Horikoshi didn’t just make UA a boarding school in the first place. Especially as I find the reasoning for making them move into dorms a bit nonsensical but anyways.

The start of a beautiful and reluctant friendship. :)

... ‘anime be anime’

- Also, is it just me or is she basically just a blue version of Cheelai from DBZ: Broly?

Lol wtf?! There’s something fucked up about this, but without it going completely 18+ and I can’t put my finger on it exactly. ...‘Anime be anime’? 😂

I’m dyingggg. I hate how much I love this show haha

Overall, this was a dope episode. The first half was definitely better than the second half but it still was awesome and I just can’t wait till we get into the nitty gritty of this Overhaul arc. Shit’s about to go down!

#bnha #my hero academia #mha #overhaul arc

[thecourtneychronicles]

“Courtney Act says she’s enjoying an endless “hot girl summer”. Which, for those not initiated into American rap memes, basically means she’s having a damn good time.

“I’m kind of lubed up and ready for Mardi Gras, so to speak,” she says. As Australia’s most famous drag queen, active since the turn of the century, Courtney helped lead the mainstreaming of queer culture in this country along with figures such as Carlotta and Bob Downe.

But being a leader or pioneer doesn’t guarantee being comfortable in your own skin. Courtney says that until recently her understanding of sexuality and gender was actually quite limited. When she was performing, she was a woman, but when she stripped off her make-up, she went back to being Shane Jenek, a man.

“Although I did drag, my masculinity and femininity were compartmentalised in the binary,” Courtney says.

But over the past few years, as public discussion of gender, sexuality and identity has grown, she has discovered things are more complex than your genitals, clothes and hair.

“I think sometimes people think identity has something to do with the wrapping, but really it’s the gift underneath,” she says. “It’s about how you feel. For me, I definitely feel like I occupy masculine and feminine qualities.”

Courtney explores this journey in her pop-cabaret show, Fluid, showing this week at the Eternity Playhouse in Darlinghurst as part of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras festival. It’s a change of pace for her after focusing on television in recent years; first by winning Britain’s Celebrity Big Brother in 2018, then as the runner-up (with Joshua Keefe) on last year’s Australian Dancing with the Stars.

It’s also a far cry from her humble beginnings in the DIY world of drag, which has never been regarded as high art but remains a staple of gay bars and culture worldwide.

“There’s a lot less hot glue and sticky tape in this show, which makes it feel a lot more professional,” Courtney says of Fluid. “I don’t know if that will hold until opening night.”

Set to original music, Fluid was written by Shane and American comedian Brad Loekle. For the most part it’s a one-woman show, with some help from a ballroom dancer in the second half. (“It’d be weird doing a ballroom dance by yourself,” she says.)

The show acknowledges that, more than ever, people are being flooded with “ever-changing and flowing ideas of who we are, what we are and what we might become”.

This is something we should embrace, says Courtney. “We change our clothes every day – we change  our hairstyles, we change our jobs. Everything is constantly in motion and constantly fluid. But we have this idea that our identities are fixed. When we look at our lives they’re actually a lot more fluid than we think.”

Courtney, or Shane, doesn’t identify as trans but has said that seeing more transgender people represented in the media was liberating and allowed her to explore her own doubts about gender. She’s previously been described as “gender fluid, pansexual and polyamorous”, although she no longer embraces those labels as she once did.

“They all work,” says Courtney, who prefers to identify as “just generally queer” these days. “It’s funny … so many of our groups identify so strongly with labels and they’re so important to us. I kind of feel less attached to those labels.”

She also understands why some people might feel confused, or even confronted, by the politics of queer identification. The acronym LGBTQIA+, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual and others, has expanded over the years to the point that some critics deride it as “alphabet soup”. Even those who are part of the community can be intolerant.

“I get that LGBTIQA+ is a little cumbersome from a marketing standpoint,” says Courtney. “But if you find yourself with the time to complain and be confused by a few extra letters, then you’re one of the lucky ones. If there are people that get to understand themselves more because of a letter in an acronym, I’m all for it.”

“I definitely feel like I occupy masculine and feminine qualities.”

Courtney casts a sceptical eye over everything, including the rise of cancel culture, a predominantly left-wing phenomenon which argues that anyone who says or does something deemed to be racist, sexist, homophobic or in any way offensive should be called out, shamed and, preferably, silenced.

Lamenting the state of political discourse while appearing on the ABC’s Matter of Fact program last year, she said: “The volume’s too loud now and everybody’s yelling.” While history showed that people sometimes need to raise their voices, “when you actually sit down opposite someone and have a conversation with them, you get so much further”.

How, then, does Courtney view the debate over religious freedom that has raged ever since Australians voted to legalise same-sex marriage in 2017? She says it’s clear that sometimes people, especially older white males, perceive other people gaining rights as a threat to their own. She says religion can be a lost cause because it is, by definition, about faith rather than rational argument. Still, queer people have to make the effort to engage.

“The way to do that is to get people to picture themselves in other people’s experiences. That’s the only way you can foster that empathy.

“Rather than yelling aggressively back at the people trying to oppress us, I think the most important thing to do is to share our stories.”

Another thing you can do, of course, is march. This weekend, Mardi Gras culminates in the annual parade up Oxford Street, which will feature more than 200 floats and 10,000 marchers. For the first time, Courtney will co-host the coverage on SBS with comedians Joel Creasey and Zoe Coombs Marr, and Studio 10 presenter Narelda Jacobs.

She had something of a practice run hosting the coverage on Foxtel some years ago. “I saw a clip of it the other day,” she says. “And I’m definitely hoping to redeem myself.”

As a character, Courtney has been on the gay scene for about 20 years. The person behind the facade, Shane, turned 38 last week. He grew up in Brisbane and remembers watching the parade on television as a teenager in the 1990s, huddled up close to the TV so he could quickly switch it off if his parents came downstairs.

Shane came to Sydney when he was 18 and attended his first Mardi Gras. “I just remember it was such a melting pot of people,” he says. “It was the first time I really understood what a community was: that there were all these different parts, and we all faced different challenges and struggles.”

But even then, Shane says he failed to really comprehend about what Mardi Gras was all about. Just like many heterosexual critics over the years, as a young man he gawked at the giant dancing penises, fetish-wear and nudity and wondered: why?

“I remember thinking: why can’t they just be normal?” Shane says. “Have your parade, but why does it have to be about sex and penises? Because I had shame about all of those things. I realise now that the parade’s brash display of sexuality liberates the shame … it’s a really radical way to shake people and say there’s nothing wrong with sexuality – not just homosexuality but sexuality in general.”

The queer community has given Shane a lot: acceptance, identity, a career and fame. It has taken him to Los Angeles, where he was based for some years until 2018, and now to his new home in London.

Love, on the other hand, remains elusive. He is “on the rebound” at the moment, though eternally optimistic. “It’s Mardi Gras time, it’s summer in Sydney, I think this is the perfect time to be single. Maybe I’ll find love under a disco ball at the after-party.”

Incredibly, at 38, Shane is about to attend his first ever wedding, straight or gay – his friend Tim is marrying his partner Ben. It is set to be a baptism of fire. “They have asked my ex-boyfriend and me to give the best man’s speech together, which could be slightly sadistic,” he says.

Shane is still adjusting to the relatively new world of same-sex marriage. It’s not for everyone – many queers still think of it as a conservative and unnecessary institution – but it’s growing on him. “Weirdly, seeing all these people get married, I feel like my cold heart has melted a bit,” he says. “I think there’s something really beautiful about marriage.”

It’s a reminder of why events like the Mardi Gras are still so important – a celebration of diversity at the same time as the old divisions between straight and gay are knocked down. As well as marriage, this can manifest in small shifts, like the politics of Bondi Beach.

“I was at North Bondi on Saturday [and] it was surprisingly unlike North Bondi,” Shane says. “It was all families and those banana umbrella things. I was like, ‘Oh, I remember when this used to be [gay nightclub] ARQ, but with more light.’"

“I guess that’s the progress we fought for – the families are happy occupying the gay beaches now.”

Fashion director Penny McCarthy. Photographer Steven Chee. Hair Benjamin Moir at Wigs By Vanity.

SBS’s Mardi Gras broadcast airs live from 7.30pm on February 29. Fluid will return for a tour of Australia and NZ in spring.

This article appears in Sunday Life magazine within the Sun-Herald and the Sunday Age on sale February 23.”

Courtney’s interview for The Sydney Morning Herald - February 21, 2020

#ca interview #21.02.20 #courtney act #sydney mardi gras

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I'm ftm (pre everything) and am in choir but I also want to sing and maybe pursue it later but if I go on hormones then I'm afraid I won’t be able to. Advice?

Lee says:

I like singing, how will T affect my voice?

We can’t tell you what will happen to your voice- people tend to be able to sing well (once their voice is done changing!) if they could sing well before, but there are instances of people losing their singing voices.

We’ve anecdotally heard of some people on T being able to keep their high notes, but it’s much more likely that you lose your high notes as your vocal cords thicken. 

T will most likely deepen your voice so your range will change, but as long as you continue to practice and don’t overwork your voice into notes you cannot reach anymore your singing voice probably will be okay- different, but okay.

But we can’t guarantee this, and it’s your decision whether testosterone and passing/being comfortable in your body are worth the risks of losing your singing voice for you.

This post has a bit more on singing

The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice

The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice Pedagogical Notes 

Testosterone And The Trans Male Singing Voice

Training the Transgender Singer: Finding the Voice Inside

Followers, any examples of trans singers on T for us to add? Or any personal experiences to add on?Followers, any personal experiences to add?

Followers say:

aeolianchemistry said: have a lot to say about this! i may not be the most coherent bc im half asleep lol, but anyone feel free to message me about this anytime and ask for more details!,

this was my biggest Thing when i was deciding to pursue hrt. ive been in various choirs for years, and its a very Important part of my life. but also my voice was my #1 source of dysphoria, and the #1 thing i needed to change. i searched for weeks to find anything about what to expect from hrt as a singer, esp bc ive heard stories of trans ppl losing their siging voice entirely. i was terrified, and couldnt find resources to shed any significant light on the topic.

and so, in no particular order bc im half asleep, here are some things to expect and things that i’ve experienced so far (almost six months on hrt):

- practice while your voice is dropping! feel it out every step of the way. get to know your voice while it’s changing, and try to maintain those high notes. i didnt do a v good job of this and my high range kinda just shriveled up. i cant be sure that it wouldve been hugely different if id practiced more, but ive heard it does help

- yoir voice will feel different. unfamiliar at times. you wont be using it the same way youre used to. technique will change, placement will change

- my speaking voice shifted downward after just a month or two (i had mild hyperandrogynism before, so this wont be as quick for everyone), before my singing voice did. i didn’t start getting new low range until later, but within my pre-t vocal range, my voice just sat a bit lower than it used to. my low alto filled out more. than i started getting new notes, slowly

- there will be periods of time where it cracks or breaks or is unreliable. dont push it, but dont despair either. keep practicing as well as you can

- my voice is somewhat fragile. if i yell (which i can only somewhat do currently) or push it or force it thru cracks/breaks/weak spots, it will get tired easily and take quite a while to recover. be nice to your voice. dont push high notes if they cause strain. dont push the low notes either, even tho im sure youre excited about them

- your voice will be weak while it’s shifting. this can cause frustration and anxiety. i’m two months into my choir season singing w two and a half choirs, and i’m dealing w lots of Complicated Feelings bc my voice just cant do all the things i want it to. i cant project much, and i certainly dont have the strength (yet) to audition for any of the solos i’d like to. Patience

- the Weird Spots and the Weak Spots will continue to shift around. i have this one area in the middle of my range (currently its about Ab3-B3, but a few weeks ago it was B3-C4) where its weird and weak and its kind of like a break in register but also a bit like a black hole, bc i Cannot Project there and theres no good placement for singing those notes, and notes in the vicinity of those are also Weird but Less So. it’s slowly sliding downwards, and i am learning to navigate it better. i’m hoping it will settle and go away soon, but we’ll see

- breath support is v important. as mentioned, your voice may be quite fragile, and putting strain on it could cause it to glitch out on you for a while. supporting your voice w lots of breath will put less demand on your vocal chords

- NEVER SING IN A BINDER or compressive garment. you need those lungs!

- you’re going to miss out on some of the nostalgic singalongs of old choir songs, bc you no longer have the range to sing your old parts. this is possibly the #1 consequence of transitioning that im the most sad about lol

- i have a very weird quality to my high range rn. it seems to be caught midway between the head voice it used to be and future falsetto or whatever it’s moving toward. for now its just Strange to listen to

the current state of my voice is this:

low range is down to almost the bottom of the bass clef. i can sing down to Bb2, A2 on a good day.

from there up to F3ish is quite comfy and possibly the strongest part of my singing voice, but i do find that if i spend too much time down there it can strain the rest of my range (i used to have this problem before too: if i sang in my low alto range too much or too enthusiastically, my sop range would get tired).

from G3-C4, it’s Awkward. the Awkwardness shifts around, and some parts of it can be more comfy than others sometimes, but it’s all v inconsistent. i cant project much here, and placement is veryvery Weird.

D4-F4ish is typically comfy but has a bit of that Strange quality to it. these notes are a bit floaty, but not bad.

G4-B4 are unreliable. somedays i can get up there. some days it’ll blink out or crack or break or just Not Be There. i am predicting that once my high range settles into a proper falsetto, i’ll be able to work on this range more and it’ll have less of that Strange quality to it, but only time will tell

again, apologies for being Scattered, it’s 1am and ive had a long day. any of yall are welcome to message me for more details ☺

there is a lot of weirdness and weakness and Awkward in the transition period. but while i’m frustrated at times, i’m not worried. everything i’m dealing w is temporary. now i can’t be 100% sure how my voice will settle or when, but i’m not afraid i’ve lost it forever. as far as i’ve heard, the stories of trans ppl who lose their singing voice on t are very rare cases. youre going to go through weeks or months where singing is Weird in constantly shifting ways, but itll keep on moving and developing, and personally i’m so excited to see where it goes.

i’m currently singing tenor2 in my choirs, and occasionally i get to take a trip down and sing baritone. im not even 6months in! that has transformed my choir experience to be even better than before, even w all the awkwardness. it was so weird and beginning to get verg uncomfy to be in a place like choir, which is so important to me, which i love dearly, which has had a significant impact on my life, but which revolved around the use of my one most dysphoric feature. but now i don’t have to worry about that. now i can sing the parts i’ve been wanting to sing for years.

i do occasionally miss some of my old voice. i miss soaring soprano lines, i miss all the old alto parts in songs i used to know. i miss the confidence and strength of a familiar, complete voice. and im allowed to miss those, i dont feel bad about having that longing or sadness, bc i have zero regrets. i also occasionally miss playing with and styling my super long hair, but in five years i have not once regretted cutting it all off. i own those memories and that nostalgia, but i keep moving forward to new and better things

pinesboi said: If you keep working at your voice and take lessons to make sure you never let it get out of practice, everything should be okay. I’m on T now about 3-4 months, and I’m still singing high tenor musical theatre

#Lee says #testosterone #ftm #caps briefly #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #lgbt #transgender teen survival guide #TTSG

[aikosangels]

Maybe i’m just stupid?

Hi! This is my first post here on tumblr, be gentle.  ;A;

(Sorry for bad grammar. TLDR at the end.)

So I have this friend, we'll call him T. I've only known T for about a year now, but i've already fallen for him and i'm not sure what to do, and I can't tell if he even likes me back or not.

So, I should give some backstory so you guys can understand how all this happened.

So I live with my mom and her wife (I don't call her mom because I frankly hate her guts.), and I have lived with them since I was around 8 or 9. (I'm 17 now, almost 18.)

I'll call my mom M and her wife MW (Mom's wife) to make this a bit easier to follow.

M is a lesbian, and has dated MW as long as I can remember, and they only got married about two years ago. But despite this fact, M and MW hate the fact that I am Pan-Romantic (I love everyone regardless of gender, sexuality, ect. I fall in love with personalities. The reason I don't say Pansexual is sex scares the hell out of me.) and constantly tell me that i'm not allowed to date (They don't care when I date guys though, they just hate when I date girls). They are also incredibly controlling and frankly MW is verbally abusive towards me.

MW tells me that i'm too fat to wear nice clothes, that i'm a bitch, or an asshat, which has destroyed my self confidence honestly. But that's a story for another day, just keep in mind that M and MW are so controlling that I wasn't allowed to be a child or a teenager or express myself in anyway (No hair dye, 'odd' haircuts, tattoos, bold makeup, parties, revealing clothes, or any clothes that basically show skin at all, no dating girls, ect), and i've reached my breaking point and sneak around their backs a lot.

Now, T knows all of this and is incredibly understanding, as he is Transgender (Female to Male or FTM), Pansexual, and kind of a fuqboi, but...in like, a good way, if that makes sense. I think he just acts like that as more of a joke than anything.

When we met, we pretty much instantly became best friends. We met in an art class at a local college campus and just kind of bonded over art and music. And memes. Lots and lots of memes.

About a month after we met, we started hanging out at each other's houses and malls outside of that class. After two months T started coming over for sleepovers at my house (His house was too small to have sleepovers). We've basically been having sleepovers every single weekend ever since then. We mostly cosplay, make stupid cringey Tik Toks, watch memes, and eat junk food.

I've noticed T giving me 'the look' many, MANY times. You know the one, the one boys give when they check girls out. The glance up and down, the lip bite, and the genuine smile. His smile is beautiful, it makes my heart flutter every time he does it. We hold hands a lot, and cuddle (But the cuddling thing is normal with ALL of my friends because i'm high anxiety and it makes me feel better). And the last time he was here, he had a panic attack and I kind of...instinctively kissed him on the forehead several times while trying to calm him down. T didn't protest, in fact, it said it made him feel a lot better. Every time he comes over, I notice he gets a little more bold. The occasional flirty compliment, the lip bites, the smiling, the staring, the hugging, the hand holding...

Then there was the most recent incident that made me think about writing this post for help.

Weird confession, but one of my fictional crushes is Larry from Sally Face. (Don't ask why, because I don't know why.) Because T also likes the game, he decided to cosplay on his own time as him (Do note that T is INCREDIBLE with makeup and so every time he cosplays as someone, he looks almost EXACTLY like them) and mostly just make goofy Tik Toks with it. I asked if I could see how his cosplay turned out and to ask for makeup tips for a cosplay I was working on.

He sent me a few pictures of himself as Larry. No biggie, right? I asked for them, after all.

Then he says he was going to do a shirtless Larry soon.

(Remember that because he still has the physical body of a girl, he wears a binder so all you see in 'shirtless' tik toks is his shoulders.)

I jokingly replied with 'o dear I will be  s u f f e r i n g ' to try and get him to laugh.

T just replies with a picture of the shirtless cosplay he was talking about (with his binder on, duh). Normally I would just laugh this off, but he was winking in these pictures. Winking at ME.

Needless to say, I had to take a moment to stop myself from fangirling at the sight of my crush winking at me and continued to joke and play along, figuring he must be in character or something, because there is no way he would flirt with someone like ME, a 17 year year old fat girl with major issues.

But part of me knows that T was flirting, and that i'm just trying to protect myself from my parents rage, because i'm terrified of my parents and terrified of expressing myself.

I may just be stupid, but even with all this evidence that he's flirting, I still can't tell if he is ACTUALLY flirting or not. Do I risk my friendship with T and ask him?

TLDR; A guy is VERY obviously flirting with me but my stupid ass is still unsure if he is flirting.

Edit 1: I said fuck it and asked him out, he said yes! <3

#crush advice #crush #help me #i am suffering #i am confusion

[surveysonfleek]

1306.

Personality

I’m loud

I’m obnoxious

I’m sarcastic

I’m cocky

I cry easily

I have a bad temper

For the most part, I don’t like people

I’m easy to get along with

I like to fight

I have more enemies than friends

I’ve smoked

I’ve smoked weed

I drink coffee

I clean my room daily

I cannot open up to others

I wish I can tell those close what is wrong with me but I can’t

I am extroverted

I am introverted

I don’t care most of the time

I am lazy

I am cynical

I am idealistic

I am realistic

I am a dreamer

About You

I am straight

I am bisexual

I am pansexual

I am demisexual

I am asexual

I am another sexuality that isn’t listed

I rather not reveal my sexuality on tumblr

I am cis

I am a transgender

I am non-binary

I am in the closet

I think I might be gay/lesbian

I like what I like

I love myself

I hate myself

My Appearance

I’m shorter than 5’5

I am taller than 5'10

I wear makeup

I wear little to no makeup

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times

I wear contacts

I wear glasses

I’ve had braces

I have braces

I change my hair color often

I straighten my hair often

My ears are pierced

I have small feet

I have a shoe size larger than eight

I have freckles

My teeth are straight

My teeth are crooked

I have scar(s)

Relationships

I’m in a relationship now

I’m in an open relationship

I’m single

I’m single but want to date

I’m crushin’

I’m in friends with benefits

I’ve missed an ex before

I’ve stalked an ex before over social media

An ex has stalked me

I’m always scared of being hurt

An ex has physically abused me at least once

I’ve been cheated on

I cheated on someone

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before/are

A boyfriend/girlfriend made a promise to me that they didn’t keep

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did

I told someone I love them

I haven’t told someone I love them but want to

It’s hard for me to say I love you in a relationship

I’m afraid to say I love you because I know they will leave eventually

I’m afraid to say I love you because I’ve been hurt badly before

I hate the words I love you so I say other things to demonstrate my love

I’ve been in love more than two times

I’ve been in love more than once but won’t admit it

I believe in love at first sight

I believe in soul mates

I believe in an instant click

I believe lust is more important than love

My boyfriend/girlfriend is protective of me

My boyfriend/girlfriend is weird but I like that

My boyfriend/girlfriend may get on my nerves sometimes but I can never truly stay mad at them

Friendships

I have no friends

I have a best friend

I’ve lost a best friend

I have at least ten friends

My best friends live miles away from me

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend

I prefer skyping with my friends

I prefer calling my friends

I prefer texting my friends

I’ve beaten up a friend

A friend has physically abused me

A friend has mentally abused me

I’ve been in a toxic friendship before

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend

I can trust at least five people with my life

My friends are crazy but I love them

I am protective of my friends

I’ve had friends leave me when they had boyfriends

I’m always the butt of my friends jokes

I feel like my friends only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me

My friends are under 18

My friends are over 18

Experiences

I’ve left the state/province

Someone close to me has died

I’ve taken a taxi

I’ve taken a city bus

I’ve been in a subway

I’ve been on a train

I’ve been on a plane

I’ve ridden in a carriage

I’ve taken a school service (like school bus)

I’ve gone bungee jumping

I’ve had a road trip with friends

I’ve made a speech

I’ve been in some sort of club

I’ve won an award

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight

I’ve been in a physical fight

I’ve stolen something

I’ve snuck out before

I saw a shooting star

I wished on a shooting star

Music

I listen to country

I listen to pop

I listen to edm

I listen to rock

I listen to indie

I listen to instrumental

I listen to movie scores

I listen to rap/hip hop

I listen to k-pop

I listen to oldies

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it

I hate the radio

I download music

I buy CD’s

Television

I spend at least six hours a day watching television

I watch soap operas daily

I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives

I’ve seen and like The OC

I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill

I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model

I’ve seen and like Popular

I’ve seen and like House

I’ve seen and like 24

I’ve seen and like CSI

I’ve seen and like Everwood

I’ve seen and like Doctor Who

I’ve seen and like The Vampire Diaries

I’ve seen and like Teen Wolf

I’ve seen and like Family Guy

I’ve seen and like Gilmore Girls

I’ve seen and like Big Brother

I’ve seen and like MTV Reality Shows

I’ve seen and like Pretty Little Liars

I’ve seen and like Sherlock

I’ve seen and like Supernatural

I’ve seen and like How I Met Your Mother

I’ve seen and like Sailor Moon

I’ve seen and like Grey’s Anatomy

I’ve seen and like something that everyone would hate

I’ve seen and dislike something that everyone would love

Family Life

I get along with both of my parents

My biological parents are still together

My mother abandoned me

My father abandoned me

I can’t help but be sad that one of my parents left me

I have at least one brother

I have at least one sister

I have at least one step brother/sister

I have at least one half brother/sister

I have pets

I’ve been kicked out of the house

I’ve been grounded before

I’ve been scolded before

My parents have been verbally abusive

I’ve ran away from my home

I’ve sworn at my parents

I’ve made my parents cry

My parents are very chill

My parents are strict

My parents are disappointed in me

My parents want what is best for me

I feel like I am disappointing my parents

I am hiding something from my parents

I am close with my mom

I am close with my dad

I am close with a step-parent

I’ve lied to my parents

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out

I’ve lied to my parents about being single

I’ve lied to my parents about my sexuality

I’ve lied to my parents about school

I normally ask the other parent if one tells me no

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded

I’ve walked out in the middle of an argument

Hair

I’ve cut my hair in the past year

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year

I’ve been blonde

I’ve had black

I’ve been red

I’ve been light brown

I’ve been medium brown

I’ve been brown

I’ve had streaks

I’ve had purple/pink

I’ve been blue/green

I’ve gotten my hair thinned

I use conditioner

I’ve used silk therapy

I’ve used hot oil treatments

I’ve curled my hair

I’ve straightened my hair

I’ve braided my hair

I’ve had\want dreadlocks

Currently

I am currently content

I am happy

I am currently sad

I am currently irritated

I am currently numb

I am angry

I am feeling suicidal

I think I’ve made someone angry

I think I’ve made someone upset

Someone is ignoring me

Someone is angry at me

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life

I feel like I’m going to be losing someone in the next two months

I want to drink

I want to smoke

I want to drive

I want to cry

School

I’ve thrown something at a teacher

I’ve yelled at a teacher

I’ve been suspended

I’ve had an in-school suspension

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office

I should of had truancy

I should have been expelled

I should have been suspended

I’ve walked out of class

I’ve skipped an entire day of school

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class

I’ve failed a test

I’ve cheated on a test

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test

I’ve failed Art

I’ve failed P.E

I’ve failed Math

I’ve failed Science

I’ve failed another class

A teacher has called my parents

A teacher has called my parents for a parent-teacher conference

I’ve been caught skipping

I’ve been on the honor roll

I’ve been on effort honor roll

Random

I think nerds are cute

A stranger has complimented me before

I always hold the door open if somebody behind me is going through the same door

The last shoes I wore were black

I own a pair of white flip flops

I have a personal xanga

I have a roleplay blog

I doodle on my notes during class sometimes

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday

Halloween is my favorite holiday

Christmas is my favorite holiday

I actually study for tests

I actually do big papers before the night it’s due

I cannot do a cartwheel

I can do a handstand underwater

I’m physically affectionate toward certain friends

I have not tried tomato soup with grilled cheese

I use AIM

I use Skype

I use Oovoo

I have the old version of AIM because I like it better than the new one

I’ve never had the chicken pox

I hate leaving voicemails

I like stuffed crust pizza

I have a scanner

I was named after somebody or something

I have a unique name

I hate my name

I do not have a tattoo

There’s a piece of jewelry that I wear daily

I shower at night

I shower during the day

I shower early morning

I prefer the sunrise over the sunset

The walls in my room are a color other than white

I have a picture of myself kissing somebody

My friends like to carry me around

I’m constantly misplacing my chapstick

I wear gray eyeliner

I’m not afraid of snakes

I’m not afraid of spiders

I’m not afraid of insects

I don’t get sick easily

I get sick easily

I like green tea ice cream

My nails are naturally healthy and strong

I have a job

I hate my job

I am looking for a second job

I have my own car

I still live with my parents

When I was little, I loved string cheese

I have to pee right now

When I’m trying not to cuss, I yell out gibberish

I want a pet chinchilla

I love it when my car has a full tank of gas

We don’t have a desktop computer at my house

I don’t own a laptop

I want a laptop

My parents are from a country that isn’t the one we currently reside in

I dislike the wind

I dislike rain

I dislike snow

I’ve had 5+ piercings throughout my life

I’m the shortest adult in my family

I am the tallest adult in my family

I am the heaviest in my family

I am the thinnest in my family

I know someone is ignoring me

I almost always do my homework

My name ends in a vowel

I sing and dance obnoxiously when I’m home alone

I am obsessed with musicals

I am obsessed with horror

I am obsessed with action/drama

I am obsessed with romance

I like the way mango smells

I prefer silver over gold

I prefer white gold over silver

I already have plans for my future wedding

I fear I’ll end up being alone

My bathing suit is a two piece

I’ve taught somebody how to swim before

I cannot swim

The last highlighter I used was yellow

I know the first three ballet positions

I am a Taurus

I am a Cancer

I am a Libra

I am a Sagittarius

I find astrology interesting

I have masturbated before

I have wanted to push someone down the stairs

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