#it’s the beginning of the semester tho so I GET IT bc I’m struggling to read too

[crybaby-bkg]

Arranged marriage AU with Barbarian Bakugou who is so daunting to be around at first. He’s all gruff curses and broad shoulders and scarred cheeks and neck and jaw. He scowls constantly, stares at you while your parents auction you off like some show pig, but doesn’t say much to you besides a grunt of his name. You’re terrified, thinking that he’ll be cruel to you, that you’re being set up for a life full of unhappiness and terror and regret.

But he’s the exact opposite. Bakugou is gentle in ways a man of his size typically wouldn’t be, but he shrinks himself for you. Not in a way that diminishes his status as the newly appointed king, but to respect you, show you that you’re beside him instead of behind him.

He picks you berries on his hunts because he knows the smell of a fresh kill brings nausea to your stomach. You find him along with the other maidens and helpers around his village, sitting beside them, big fingers holding tiny little flowers that he weaves into a crown for you. When he sets it on your head, he purses his lips, mutters something under his breath in his language that you’re still not too familiar with, but sure it means something along the lines of pretty and soft.

And when he finds you bathing in the river only few have access to, he’s sweet the whole time. Doesn’t make a spectacle of you being naked, and is relieved when you don’t instantly cower when he wades his way over to you. You try not to stare at the clawed scars that decorate his pec and jaw when he stands above you, and it helps when he suddenly dumps water all over your head. He shushes you when you splutter, continues on with cupping his hands and letting the water run off of your hair and down your shoulders, scrubbing at your skin until your flesh squeaks. He doesn’t expect you to do the same for him, but he hums in satisfaction when you push him down a little lower so you can wash the crown of his head.

#I don’t think I’ve ever actually written a full blown barbarian bkg fic which should be a crime #bc there are so many good ideas for it #but I’ve been struggling with writing creatively so I will put this idea as a full fic on the back burner for now lol #in the drafts for another 8 months! ☝🏻 #sorry I’m lying I’m about to write it rn aidsjdhdjf #anyway interaction has been so low and that doesn’t help with the low energy level when it comes to writing #I do it for myself but it’s a little sad when it feels like I’m talking to myself since I do that enough already lmfao #it’s the beginning of the semester tho so I GET IT bc I’m struggling to read too #this semester isn’t even all that hard but I’m so mentally checked out from school that everything is so much more complicated than need be #I just need a really long break to find myself #feels like I’ve been on go for a few months straight now #okay bye my stomach started cramping really bad which is a single to take my ass to bed lmfao #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #bakugou treats! 🍬

[cryingoverafictionalcharacter]

Red Hair Dye

Request: hello! if you’re taking prompts could you please do 1 + 10 from the angst list (with a happy ending preferably!) for fred with a slytherin!reader? thank you i love your writing even tho i just found your blog! <3  (@greyspilot​)

1. “I hate that I love you”

10.  “I can’t do this anymore”

Prompt: Fred and Y/N could not be more different. Fred loves to cause trouble, Y/N is more reserved. Fred is loud and extroverted, Y/N likes to keep to themselves. Fred is a Gryffindor, Y/N is a Slytherin.  They’re complete opposites, it would only make sense that they wouldn’t like each other, that is until a certain moment makes them question everything. 

Warnings: ANGST!!! with fluff at the end lol. Injury to reader bc we love a care taking moment, swearing, Fred being a dumbass, reader being a dumbass, Enemies to lovers type beat, gender neutral reader, Umbridge existing, I think that’s it. 

You gritted your teeth as you stared straight ahead, doing everything you could to focus on the words scribbled on the board instead of the endless chattering coming from behind you. Transfiguration was by far your least favorite class, the lessons were boring, the homework was extensive, but above all else, Fred Weasley sat directly behind you, meaning you were now on the receiving end of any jokes or pranks he may try and pull to relieve his own boredom.

You and Fred were, to put it lightly, mortal enemies. It wasn’t always like that though, from first to fourht year you were pretty close, making jokes and having fun together along with George and Ron, but then in fourth year, he had tried to pull a prank on you. He was meant to switch all your Slytherin robes for Gryffindor ones, which would have been annoying but forgivable, but he decided to take an extra step, and dye your hair a sickeningly color of red. Not maroon, not pink, no, he went with a bright, stop sign, ripe tomato red. Some of your house mates had already started making fun of you for your half blood status, but after the incident, many of them had alienated you completely, leaving you with almost no friends the entire semester. 

You decided then and there that you hated Fred Weasleys guts, even when he offered to help you in class, or notice when you were having a bad day and leave you alone, or smile in a way that gave you butterflies.

You continued to focus on the board, ignoring the red head who was currently trying to get your attention.

“Hey, Y/N.... Y/N” Fred whisper yelled, saying your name a bit louder with each attempt. You continued to ignore him, scribbling notes from time to time until you felt something hit the back of your head. 

Fred must have noticed how your body stiffened, because you heard him let out a quiet laugh along with his friends, but still, you continued to look forward. 

You felt another ball of paper hit you in the back of the head, followed by more snickering. You balled your hands into fists, hoping the professor would excuse the class before you lost your patients and gave Fred the well deserved smack you had been itching to give since third year.

“Do you have an answer for us Y/N?” The professor suddenly asked, making you snap out of your haze.

“What?” You asked, clueless of what the Professor had asked, causing a few laughs to pass through the class.

“That’s what I thought you might say, maybe if you were to pay as much attention to this class as you do your own thoughts, your grade wouldn’t be doing so poorly.” The teacher responded, making your face heat up as you slumped down in your seat.

Your mind filled with thoughts all contradicting each other. 

“Class dismissed, please read chapters-” You couldn’t hear the rest of the professors instructions, as soon as you were excused you grabbed your things and left, fumbling to put your things into your bag as you rushed out of the class.

“Y/N, wait up!” Fred called, catching up to you quite quickly. Damn those long legs.

You didn’t answer, picking up your pace to hopefully reach your last class before Fred could catch up to you, but of course, he wasn’t about to suddenly stop pestering you now.

“Y/N, I-” Fred tried to say, grabbing your arm to stop.

You ripped your arm out of his grasp, turning to face him.

“What’s your problem?” You asked bluntly, causing a few heads to turn in your direction, but next class was about to start, and the hallways were already quite empty.

“I- I don’t have a problem” Fred said, struggling to find the words as he was quite surprised by your reaction. Sure he had bugged you in the past, but you had never gotten this mad.

“Well, you obviously fucking do Fred. Ever since fourth year you’ve been doing everything you could to make my life harder. It was funny when it was a little joke here and there, but dying my hair? Making me lose friends? Embarrassing me in class? I don’t know if you know this but it’s not fucking funny Fred! What did I do to make you hate me so much? We used to be friends!” You ranted, watching as Fred’s eyes grew with both shock and fear as your voice continued to get louder.

“I don’t-” Fred tried to interject, but it only made you angrier.

“You don’t what Fred, you don’t what?!” You shouted, only coming down from your anger when you heard someone lightly clear their throat behind you.

Your eyes, which were once locked on Fred’s with anger, filled with dread as you slowly turned to see none other than the pink clad devil herself. 

“I believe you should both be in class, yes?” She asked, the fake politeness in her voice causing a sick feeling to wash over you.

“I’m sorry professor, I was just-” Fred started, but Umbridge lifted her hand to stop him.

“Weasley, please get to your next class. Y/N, follow me” She said, the smile never leaving her face as she turned to walk back to her office, you following behind, looking back to see Fred, a worried expression on his face.

By the time you had reached Umbridge's office, you were practically shaking. You had heard horror stories of people who went into her office to be punished, coming out with bloody words scribbled across their hands.

You sat in the chair across from her desk, looking around the ugly pink room for a moment before a quill and piece of paper were suddenly placed in front of you. 

“You will write, ‘I will not shout during class’ one hundred times” She said, taking a seat across from you, eyeing you like a snake about to strike at a mouse.

“Professor Umbridge, I didn’t-” You started, trying to defend yourself.

“You most certainly did, I could hear you all the way across campus, two hundred times” She said, making you clench your fists.

“What?! I just wanted to-”

“‘I will not shout during class’ two hundred times, and ‘I will not question my professors’ three hundred times” She said, her sickly sweet tone never changing. 

Your heart sank to your stomach, already feeling sick. You decided not to try and fight it anymore, knowing you would only end up more hurt, so, you picked up the quill and began writing, already beginning to feel a slight sting in your left hand.

By the time you had finished writing it was nearly dark. With any other quill the task would have taken no more than thirty minutes, but with the pain in your hand worsening as you continued to dig into your skin, it had taken hours.

You wrote the last sentence, almost throwing the pen down as you took deep breaths, trying not to let the pain get to you in front of her. You grabbed the paper with your injured hand, offering it to Umbridge who took it with a smile, looking over the small blood spot that had landed in the corner.

“You are excused” She said with a flick of her hand, allowing you to slowly stand and walk out of her office, closing the door behind you. 

You walked into the hallway in a daze, your head feeling foggy from the emotional exhaustion you were feeling. You were so distracted that you didn’t notice Fred waiting for you until he was standing directly in front of you, quickly shaking you from your sleep like state.

“What do you want?” You asked, your voice shaking a bit, trying to hide your face by staring at the floor “If you’re here to make fun of me or something...I don’t know what I did to make you hate me but I’m sorry I just can’t- I can’t do this anymore”

You felt a pair of hands gently hold the sides of your face, making you look up to meet Fred’s eyes which were now filled with sadness as he wiped a single tear rolling down your face.

“I don’t hate you. I never hated you”

He pulled you closer to him, enveloping you in a hug and the dam burst, tears freely flowing down your face as you sobbed into his chest. You were crying from the pain in your hand, but also the pain you felt in your heart. You didn’t know why he didn’t like you, why he did all those things to make your life so hard, why despite everything he did you still found yourself looking back to that boy you had been friends with for so long.

You let him lead you back to the Gryffindor common room, setting you down on one of the many couches before he ran off to grab a few things, returning with a first aid kit and some water.

He took a seat next to you, putting out his hand towards you, which you carefully put your injured hand in. He pulled back the sleeve of your robes, exposing the wound which you had yet to fully see yourself. 

“I had to use the quill too, though it wasn’t this many words” He said, breaking the long silence between you.

“Yeah, well I guess she just likes me more than you” you said with a short laugh, making Fred smile a bit as well.

“I don’t think that woman likes anything, not even Filtch” He said, the two of you laughing this time. “This might sting a little” He said, soaking a cotton ball in alcohol but not bringing it to your skin just yet, looking at you for permission.

You nodded, your breath hitching as the cotton came in contact with your hand, a stinging sensation running all the way up your arm. You screwed your eyes shut and grabbed onto the first thing your free hand found, which happened to be Fred’s knee.

“I know, I know I’m sorry” Fred apologized, quickly pulling away the alcohol.

You took a breath and opened your eyes to meet Fred’s, watching as he brought your injured hand closer to his face, lightly blowing on the skin to relive the stinging sensation, never breaking eye contact.

You felt your face heat up at you realized how close you have gotten, your hand still gripping his knee, a bit more tightly than you would have liked, and your hand gently being held by both of his, his face only inches from yours.

“Like what you see Y/N?” Fred asked with a smirk, snapping you out of your thoughts, and quickly reminding you of what got you into this situation in the first place. You pulled your hand out of his, turning away and grabbing a roll of gauze to wrap your hand yourself, not answering his question.

“I was just joking” Fred defended, trying to grab your hand back but you pulled it away.

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t realize that was all a joke to you, my bad for thinking you could actually go two seconds without making fun of me”  You tried wrapping your hand, but the movement stung and you winced, dropping the roll of gauze.

"I'm not making fun of you” Fred defended, picking the gauze off the floor and reaching to wrap it but you pulled back.

“Stop, I can do it myself” You said, grabbing for the roll but he kept it out of your grasp.

“Sure, because you did so well the first time” Fred shot back, making you narrow your eyes at him.

“Stop being a dick!” You shouted, your voices having progressively gotten louder during the argument.

“Then stop being so stubborn and listen to me!” He shouted back “God, you can be so fucking stubborn its unbearable. I hate that I love you sometimes”

His statement shocked you into stillness, trying to process his words as Fred continued his grumbling. He brought your hand closer to him and started wrapping it.

“You love me?” You asked, causing him to stop his movements entirely as he suddenly realized what he said. 

“I mean I- well yeah but I didn’t want you to - I do but” Fred rambled as he tried to find the right words to say, only stopping when you brought your uninjured hand to his face and closed the space between you, pressing your lips to his.

Fred let out a surprised sound, but was quick to respond, moving his hand to the back of your neck as he pulled you closer to him, deepening the kiss.

“Wait, what just happened?” Fred asked as he suddenly pulled away, making you laugh.

“I love you too stupid, even if you dyed my hair red” You responded, making him give you a worried grin.

“About that... I didn’t dye your hair red” He said

“What do you mean?” You asked

“Well, the switching robes part was me, but the hair dye was Lee” He said, causing your lower jaw to practically hit the floor.

“I’ve been blaming you, thinking you were out to sabotage me and ruin my social life for years, and it was Lee?”

“Yeah, he felt really bad about it, but when we went to apologize you were already pretty set on blaming me so I just never said anything”

You felt your face heat up with embarrassment as you realized how childish the situation was. You had been crushing of Fred for years, and the only thing keeping you from getting together was a prank he didn’t even do. 

“I feel so stupid” You said, covering your face with your hands, which Fred gently pulled away, making you look at him.

“Don’t, I was the one who was stupid and tried to get your attention by teasing you instead of just telling you how I felt” Fred said.

“You’re right, that was stupid” You said, laughing as an offended expression crossed Fred's face. “But that, uh... moment earlier. You weren’t making fun of me?”

“No, I wasn’t, that was real” He said sincerely, making you smile before pressing your lips back to his.

His hands moved to your waist as you climbed on top of him, straddling him as you deepened the kiss. Fred began moving his hands up your sides, and had just dipped under your shirt when you pulled away.

“Heeey” Fred complained as you broke away.

“I’ll be right back, I just need to do something before I forget” You said sweetly, pressing a quick peck to his lips before walking away.

Fred watched you, confused but content as you quietly made your way up the stairs of the boys dormitory, not knowing what you were up to until he heard the dormitory door bang open.

“LEE JORDAN, YOU FUCKER!” You yelled, causing Fred to jump up from his spot on the couch and sprint of the stairs, the sound of Lees screams echoing through the common room.

-------------------------------------------

A/N: Hey!!! I hope you liked it, I had a little trouble trying to get a good plot but I think it worked out ok. Also I was literally sweating when Fred blew on your hand SO SOFT YET ERROTIC?!?! Anyway, feel free to leave any feedback you may have, thank you for the request!

#fred weasley #fred weasley fanfiction #fred fanfic #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley fic #fred weasley imagine #fred imagine #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley angst #fred weasley has me SOFT HOLY SHIT

[morkofday]

2020 – a (content creator) year in review

I decided to make this into a mix of these two games I was (kinda?) tagged into so thank you for @leonzhng and @tiesanjiao ♥ I hope you don’t mind me doing it like this ^^ all the questions were just so interesting that I wanted to try!

(bc of the amount of questions, I’m placing them under a cut so that I don’t flood anyone’s dash) 

Me

(this is the 2020 year in review that hanyi tagged me to ♥ sorry am so late!)

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

wow tbh I didn’t watch many movies this year as I realized yesterday when I was thinking about this for certain reasons. Or at least I feel like I didn’t watch that many? Nothing really stuck with me it seems.

Because of this, I will only mention two: Parasite and The Old Guard. Those were both wonderful in their own ways and I’m very happy I got to watch them both ^^

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

this one is difficult bc I watched so many (and forgot even more?) but:

The Lost Tomb Reboot (my introduction to DMBJ. this drama stole my heart and helped me through the tough autumn semester!) 

Joy of Life (it’s nuts that this happened during 2020? it feels like it was ages ago)

Kingdom (such a positive surprise and I really hope we get more of this :o I really recommend!)

Detective L (easy, nice aesthetics, amazing costumes. Bai Yu was a delight as Luo Fei)

Sand Sea (I am still baffled by how much I loved this bc I had so many doubts? am happy I did tho)

Bonus: Guardian (bc it has come to stay and the rewatch has been so emotional but so rewarding)

Top 5 songs of 2020

this is a tough one too bc I’ve heard so much new music during 2020 but I will try to put it simply:

Black Swan by BTS (I absolutely adore this song. I listened to it on repeat when it came out at the beginning of the year, I have cried for it a ton, I enjoy every stage I see for it and it’s just a masterpiece. it has also helped a bit with my writing struggles that I’ve felt creeping up on me lately)

Always by By The Coast (an amazing song that always leaves me in my feels. inspires me a lot all the time)

Love me or Leave me by DAY6 (this whole album was a masterpiece and I listened to it on loop for like. two weeks? this was my favorite song on it even if I adored the rest too, especially Zombie)

all of my life by Park Won (listened to this a lot in relation to my xicheng and the wedding I finally got to write for them ;; that’s one good thing that came out of this year tbh)

雨人 by 刘畅 (Liu Chang) (with the Reboot’s ending song, this one is my favorite on that ost. I love Liu Chang’s voice, I loved Liu Sang as a character and as I said, I loved Reboot as a drama. I get super emotional about this ost so I think it defined this year a lot for me)

Top 5 books you read in 2020  

All For The Game -trilogy (listened to these as audiobooks but that counts right?)

The Song of Achilles (as an audiobook too and really adored the reader’s voice)

The Smoke Thieves -series (I really just binge read the two first books in this series and am so excited for the next one!)

Call Down The Hawk (love love love)

Guardian novel (am not very into these novels usually but I was positively surprised this time? it was so cool to finally get the original story and compare it with the drama version)

5 positive things that happened in 2020

joined mdzsnet and met all the amazing ppl there and got to become part of this loving community and :’) I’m so thankful, it’s been a joy

learned more about editing? or started doing it regularly. I still can’t do shit but am having fun learning more all the time and I really hope that maybe the upcoming year I can switch to PS and try out giffing?

went to Halsey’s concert! it was in february so a bit before all the hassle with covid happened over here ;; it was super cool and so nice and I just. I love Halsey

fell into the DMBJ hellhole which am very much enjoying. it’s a great universe and the story is so good and the dramas have been so fun to watch and. it feels like a good continuation to The Untamed somehow haha (also brought me a new friend! you’re amazing ashen!! ♥)

started therapy and it’s been... a journey. but towards something better I think? it’s something I would’ve needed ages ago but it’s better late than never I suppose

My Creations

(this is the other part where ali was being super sweet and mentioned me ♥ thank you for being so awesome!)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: wow it’s been a while since I’ve looked at this horrible creation but here ya go jkdhgk [x]. I’ve come a long way from this (and my xicheng has come a long way from this too). most recent one is this xiaoge edit that I absolutely adore [x]. 

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: this wwx edit that was part of my agust d2 edit series [x]. I loved to give him blue instead of his typical red. 

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: this [x] wwx edit which I don’t know if I like or not but I was playing around with the font and all the effects instead of just normal screenshots + coloring. also I just adore the quote. 

4. a creation to be proud of: I could mention that xiaoge here but in addition, I will also say this wu xie edit for reboot [x]. I managed to capture my vision so well, I was surprised. for cql, this songxiao edit [x]. I loved how it turned out in the end. 

5. a creation that took forever: this wangxian edit [x]. like I’ve said several times, I lost sleep bc of it. I just kept struggling with the third pic and how to place the text there D: 

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this lwj/wangxian edit [x]. I had many ideas for this edit when I first started making it and I never managed to capture my vision in the way I first intended... the pictures I was supposed to use just never fit quite right sigh. I dunno why it was this one that gained all the notes in the end bc I personally think I have better ones too but am still thankful :’D 

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: as said, dmbj fandom on tumblr is very small so I really want to say the two already mentioned ones (wu xie and xiaoge) and then my pingxie edits [x] [x]. also these wwx edits which I personally am very happy about [x] [x]. and from my agust d2 series, this yun bros one [x].

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: really just dmbj this year and I’ve already linked all of my creations for that :’D tho I have plans for another pingxie edit and a liu sang edit! oh and maybe I could mention guardian here with this shen wei [x]. I had so much fun while making it (also the quote just haunted me relentlessly until I gave it a moment). 

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: this must be my easter islanders (lwj and jc) edit [x] that just. awoke many thoughts in me? I’m going to put a link to the version where you can read my ramblings underneath :’D 

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my creation for the creator (gif?) challenge that was going around! [x] it was simple and nice to do and I loved the result. also, it was nice to work with jl for a change :’) 

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: oh wow ok so this is going to be rough bc I have so many favorites ;; you can look at this post here [x] to see more! 

but to love my two taggers am going to say these [x / x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by hanyi (I always love your edits, the colors you choose, the thoughts you put into them (and your humor too!). there are so many cool things you’ve done that I just stay in awe of! I adore all of it ;; ♥) and these [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by ali (I love all of your gifsets so much, they have such pretty colors and such good scenes, and I am thankful every day that you make all the amazing dmbj content, pls never stop ;; I should go through all of your creations properly one day! I noticed you have sand sea stuff too and let me scream?) ^^ ♥

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: this is going to be a huge list and I’ve already made my love heard for some but no hurt in doing it again so @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @tiesanjiao @kholran @lzswy @englishbunnyrocks @leonzhng @aheartfullofjolllly @yibobibo @inkblue-black @cross-d-a @bloody-bee-tea @fytheuntamed @mdzsnet @lifegoesmon @creeds-eagle @underaswift-sunrise @sarawatsaraleo @lan-xichens @mylastbraincql @wangxianbunnydoodles @manhasetardis @distantsnows @ohsehuns @minmoyu @linglynz @highwarlockkareena @yiqiie @aowyn @alienwlw @wangxiians @kingbadcat @sassyassassy @tytangfei @lanzhannnn @skzmxtp @leoyunxi @yoonqiful @softjeon @rapbabenamjoon @ronan-adam @miyakuli @pavusdorian @arsuf @brolinskeep @gawincaskeyy and so many others! (sorry for all the random ppl on this list that I’ve never even talked to ^^’ just know that you make my dash a wonderful place! ♥) 

I won’t tag anyone separately here but everyone who’s already been tagged or sees this is free to do this (or link me posts if you’ve done these already!) ♥ have a nice day everyone! 

#tag game #wow this took ages #am sorry am late #thanks for tagging me tho!! #i enjoyed this a lot #about me

[hannahchuu]

I was tagged by @makeitpoppy 💕😍

Are you staying at home from work/school?

So, I haven't been to work since beginning of March but I have to go back there next week (for now it's just a meeting bc I'm working in a hotel & my schedule depends on the amount of guests we have). I've been really happy about that tho bc I still get paid & just before the pandemic happend, I got really overwhelmed by my work & started to hate it a lot. I also had some issues with a colleague & I dread having to see her again. I had really wished that I wouldn't have to go back there anytime soon.

University has also been cancelled after only one regular week & I only have online classes now. Tbf tho, I would've only had one class overall this semester bc I'm in my last semester of university & only my master's thesis is left. My only class is a Japanese conversation class, which is online now & I'm really struggling with the format lol. It's so odd to have to talk to people when you can't see them & half the time you also can't hear them properly.

As for my master's thesis...at first I was fine with quarantine & uni being cancelled bc I thought it'd give me time to focus on my thesis but unexpectedly libraries also closed for two months & I wasn't able to get any books until beginning of May. So I basically didn't do anything at home ahaha.

If you’re at home, who is there with you?

No one. My mum used to be there occasionally but she has since gone to her boyfriend's house and rarely ever comes. (Which is totally fine btw. She really stresses me out lol)

Do you have pets to keep you company?

No 💔

Who do you miss the most?

I have social anxiety so I'm actually quite happy about not having to see anyone. I also feel like I talk (via phone) to my friends & family way more often now. I do however, miss certain activities like going shopping with my friends. Oh & hugs! I also miss my sister & her girlfriend bc it's always fun being around them. And I miss the people in my Japanese class. Online classes really take away the social aspects of it (Like talking with people before & after).

When was the last time you left your home?

Yesterday! I went to the supermarket bc my fridge was v v empty. The last time I left to go somewhere else was last Thursday when I went to the library.

What was the last thing you bought?

The last thing I bought in person was food. Last online purchase were face masks (as in sheet masks) ahaha.

Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

I'm sort of relaxed? Like more relaxed than usual I think. I'm a bit stressed out about my future bc I'm right at the end of my university education & I actually planned to finish my thesis & get a full-time job by the end of the year but I'm not sure whether there will still be jobs or job interviews ahahah. My thesis also stresses me out a bit. But I think all of this would've also stressed me out w/o quarantine so overall I'm relaxed. I'm getting stressed out by the prospect of going back to work tho.

Are you a homebody?

Yessssss

What movies have you watched recently?

So I was planning on watching tons of films during quarantine but I haven't watched any so far ahahah

I mainly watch anime & YouTube

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Two anime conventions I've been going to religiously with my friends T_T

What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

My Japan trip. It would've been my very first trip to Japan but a week before we were due to leave Austria issued a travel warning for all countries. Later on all tourists arriving in Japan also had to quarantine themselves for 2 weeks. I was super upset about having to cancel it but also sort of relieved bc I wouldn't have wanted to go there in the middle of a pandemic. I also got all of my money refunded so yay.

What’s the best thing you had to cancel?

Any kind of social interaction and work ahahhahaha

Do you have any new hobbies?

Not really. Before I started working on my thesis, I studied Japanese more frequently but that's about it.

What are you out of?

Skincare! I put off ordering any new items bc I was supposed to go to Japan & I thought I could just buy everything there. Well, now I'm out of toner, essence, a good cleanser and face masks :(( I ended up ordering more at the end of March but my order still hasn't arrived yet (It's stuck at customs T____T)

What music are you listening to?

Mainly German Hip-Hop ahahah

What shows are you watching?

Soooo, I've literally watched 7 anime series so far:

Chobits

Kimagure Orange Road

Yuru Camp (my favourite)

Sabagebu!

Citrus

Fullmetal Alchemist

Asobi Asobase

So yeah, quite productive! I gotta focus on my thesis now tho so I’ve only been sporadically watching Ojamajo Doremi.

What are you reading?

My only goal for this quarantine was to finally read all of the books that have been piling up on my bedside table, which I did yay

I've read The Scarlet Letter, The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea (I recommend), The Moon over the Mountain, UFO In Her Eyes (I can also recommend) & In Dreams Begin Responsibilities and Other Stories.

I got 3 more books for my birthday (Poems To Fix A Fucked Up World, Japanese Tales of Mystery and Imagination & Roadqueen), which I haven't gotten around to reading yet.

What are you doing for self care?

Taking long baths & reading in the bath tub 💕 I also apply lash serum, a lip mask & body lotion every night.

Are you exercising?

Yes! I actually started exercising everyday in September & I'm still doing it yay

How’s your toilet paper supply?

I still have enough left ahahah I was supposed to be quarantined w my mum but I ended up being by myself & I don’t need a lot.

Have you made any changes to your hair?

Not yet. I've been considering getting bangs & the only thing that (luckily) is stopping me is that one tumblr post that's like you don't need bangs! you need therapy!!!!

I tag @lunarix @swaddle @motherfuckinbuddha @ive-beendreaming​ @kaizoku​ @piggiechi​ @regenbogen-flummi​ @misodelivery​ @vroomkat​ @zyphyyr​ @my-selfish-love @giantoflight @frillypinkdreams @catpacks @cupidie @emograntaire @sugarmickey @bubbleteaboy & everyone else who wants to do this

#text #personal #i'm so bad at tagging ppl lol #i literally just tagged my mutuals

[saltine-kakyoin]

ok i CANNOT take it anymore I simply MUST know. spill the beans on the Star Catinum scene please 🙏🏼🙏🏼💝💝💝🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I have been wondering for SO LONG and I am SO CURIOUS

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET INTO THIS, LEMME PROVIDE SOME EXPOSITION! :3 the Star Catinum Scene was heavily inspired by the one fan art of splat w the BIG dinner plate eyes, the one where’s he’s like owo and then O W O. it reminded me of a cat! and then i thought of this one post i saw ages ago about how much it’d suck if catra’s eyes went all big + dilated in the middle of one of her fights with adora, and then... the dots connected and, to quote my main man kronk, it was all coming together now :3 another big part of this is the adventure i had w coffee in ny, which we’ve talked about here in there in chat! w that said, lemme dive right in!! this might get long, so i’m gonna put it into a readmore just in case!

sO. the star catinum scene is from the sda, which means kak is roomies w camille in paris while jotaro is grappling w friend/family withdrawal in florida! Jotaro travels + visits everyone when he can, bc he is just. Mad lonely in florida. he might grump about all of the crusaders, but he really do be lovin + missing them, you know? On Kak and Camille’s end, this is normally fine! however, the visit that takes place in the star catinum scene is like. towards the later end of the semester for Kak, and inconveniently RIGHT in the middle of one of his final projects for the semester. So! Instead of trying to juggle the project + jotaro, he decides, fuck it! I’m gonna go crazy go stupid and finish it in advance so I can devote all of my attention to jotaro + what he’s been up to when he arrives. :)

nonetheless, jotaro’s visit sneaks up on him, in the way that these kinds of situations do, and he really becomes unhinged that week! He’s gone, painting for nights on end, leading up to Jotaro’s arrival + distressingly, he’s still not done the day/night before jotaro’s set to arrive! Kakyoin is normally a pretty levelheaded and rational guy, but all pretense has jumped out the window. he just Needs to finish this project at this point. SO. that night right before jotaro flies in, Kak stops by the cafe right underneath his and Camille’s apartment that’s run by a turkish and indian couple, and orders two large cups of their most intense brew. With his project and his coffee in hand, he sets off for a parisian rooftop to finish what he started, chugging the first cup as he goes. The first cup is nice, and really gets him going and in the mode! however, he gets so hyperfocused on the painting that he forgets there’s a second cup- at least, until he almost trips on it hours later! And then he’s like. Oh. Oh GOD. there’s a second cup! full of coffee! what do? The small voice of reason that’s been dwindling throughout this week is like: noriaki....whatever you Do, do NOT drink that cup. just let it go. toss it. But another, louder part of him is like: but you are getting kind of sleepy tho.. and are you done with your project yet? No? Then why waste the money by throwing the cup away? Just drink it dude...

So, he drinks it! which is fine and dandy for all of five minutes, until the caffeine REALLY begins kicking and oh, oh god. he should Not have had the second cup of coffee...Filled with regret and too much energy to handle, he feverishly finishes up the painting, slowly losing a grip on reality with each stroke! it almost feels like his body is trying to exorcise itself, which he can’t really blame it for. almost drunkenly, he stumbles back to his and camille’s apartment- thank god for hierophant catching his missteps and making sure the painting isn’t tarnished on the journey! He stumbles back into the apartment, which is pretty dark beyond the light peeking out from camille’s bedroom + the flickering glow of the flames from her new candles. she steps out of her room when she hears he’s finally home, and ooh. Kakyoin may be lost in the caffeine sauce, but he can almost Feel the concern radiating from Camille’s person. she barrages him with a bunch of questions, seemingly all at once. wherewereyou? are you okay? isitfinished? whendidyoulastsleep? Most importantly, are you going to be well enough to get pick Jotaro up from the train station in a few hours? 

Kakyoin waves these questions off as his body plummets into the wonderfully plump cushions of their sofa- painting,i’mfine,yes,idon’tknow, and Yes. just let me close my eyes for a moment...i’ll be fine just wake me up when it’s time to get jotaro. And then, he slips into a deep deep slumber. 

 (i’ve gotta get ready for work soon, so i’m gonna copypasta the rest from my explanation of it to jules!! which is grand bc i feel that explanation captures the fever dream quality of it much better than i am here!)

Camille watcches him melt into the couch + basically enter a coma with mounting anxiety. Normally Jotaro calls when he's arrived at the train station from the airport, and despite the early hour she doesn't really expect this time to be any different. However, it's normally Always Kakyoin that goes to get him. and then they go out for lunch, or dinner, or breakfast. or just a random snack run at the oddest hours of the day. Normally Camille hardly interacts with Jotaro, and she’s used to their interactions always falling flat.. she doesn't know why. Kakyoin assures her that that's just how Jotaro is: quiet, expressive in his own ways. but it gnaws at camille

So anyhow, she waits for Jotaro to call with Dread, because the situation can go one of two ways: kakyoin emerges from his like 2 hour nap after not sleeping for at least a day or two, and the entire visit is off because Kakyoin himself is off skelter. Or, she answers the phone and gets jotaro from the train station Herself + maybe makes him dislike her even more! both options make her stomach drop, and she can't stop her eyes from constantly drifting over to kakyoin, who looks a little too still, a little too cold, a lot of too worn out. She grabs her nicest, most comfortable blanket and throws it over him.. maybe it'll help him sleep better, and hopefully it'll help ease her mind

she does some meditation until jotaro Finally FINALLY calls. Kakyoin is the lightest sleeper known to man for reasons that Camille is unable to understand, so she leaps on their telephone. jotaro's voice is something that strikes fear in her, and having his voice right up in her ear at like 3 am is the least ideal thing ever. it throws all of her meditation out the window, and the harebrained anxiety is Back.

hurriedly, she tells jotaro that they'll be over to pick him up soon! and she can't help but notice the deflated, "Oh." she gets back in response, which baffles her even further. (jules said that was bc he was just waking up from his own personal red-eye flight fever dream nap, and I cannot agree more!) Sure, it's normally always kakyoin that gets jotaro, but what's so wrong with her tagging along? It's not a far walk from their apartment to the train station- what if she just wanted to get out of the house? anyhow, the thought only serves to make camille more nervous.

she decides right after hanging up that No. She is Not going to wake kakyoin up for this- he really needs the sleep, jotaro be damned. it's not like they're going to get up to anything at this hour anyways. She shimmies into her outerwear + yeehaws over to the gare du nord, where she finds jotaro pretty quickly (he’s so tall!). he's like, "Oh- you. Where's Kakyoin?" and she spitballs the entire thing to him because Camille is just a motormouth when her nerves are high

Camille is expecting Jotaro to be miffed, just a little bit, but surprisingly, he's pretty chill about the whole thing. He's grateful to Camille for coming to get him, because otherwise he'd get hopelessly lost in the maze of the city. This is where Camille begins to realize, hm.. perhaps she was too harsh of a judge..mayhaps.. jotaro really is just Like That, as kakyoin has said at least six times before.. what a concept.

They start walking back to the apartment, and Jotaro's mostly concerned about Kakyoin and why the dude's currently comatose on their couch. Camille just keeps rambling and maybe giving out more information than she should, but Camille is just like Polnareff in that regard. she doesn't notice his gaze soften at their similarity, or at the concept that kakyoin would work himself raw just to make time for jotaro's visit... (which Kakyoin shouldn't have to, not for his sake! but the concept pokes at the small beast in jotaro that fancies kakyoin, which.. ugh. that's an entire thing for him to wrestle with.)

so they make it back to the apartment, and camille urges him to be really quiet as they enter- 'did you know, kakyoin's a super light sleeper? i stubbed my toe and cursed once and it woke him up! it's a little odd, i wonder why he's like that.' but jotaro knows. he learned why early sometime in their third year, an admittance uttered in the pitch black of the ocean at an ungodly hour. death 13, a stand he never met, or at least one that he doesn't remember meeting? and yet one that had such a profound impact on kakyoin. in the present, he puts more thought into his footsteps as they cross the threshold between the apartment commons and kakyoin and camille's apartment.

And oh, there he is. buried under a heaping white blanket, with only the left side of his face poking out. jotaro grins ever so slightly, looking at the noodle strayed madly across the side of his head that jotaro can see- how intensely had kakyoin flung himself at the couch? he feels like his eyes rest on kakyoin a moment too long, and maybe camille feels it too. or maybe her mind is just buffering- kakyoin had said she was squirrel-minded sometimes. as if her brain were leaping from one thing to another at such incredible speeds that she herself struggled to keep up with it

camille whispers so lightly that jotaro almost doesn't hear her. but once he does catch on to what she is saying, something takes hold of his heart and tries to drag it under. She's afraid to wake Kakyoin up and ask him to move because he really needs the sleep, but that means jotaro's pick for bed is either her bed (sized for one petite camille and therefore most Definitely not fit for one giant Jotaro) or kakyoin's (which is better suited for jotaro's height but also DANGEROUS)

he feels her eyes upon him like a searing iron on flesh. camille means well, and camille has No Idea what feelings he has- he knows she doesn't think anything of his silence, his deliberation...but god. in this tiny apartment lit only by candlelight, it sure feels like she's peering into his soul and judging him. nonetheless, he ends up choosing kakyoin's bed. his flight was long, and camille's bed is just. not cut out for him! that, and it'sonlyonenightit'sonlyonenightit'sonlyonenight. once kakyoin is up tomorrow.. or whenever he's up......he and jotaro can just switch beds and there'll be no problems. this is what jotaro tells himself, but his mind still runs rampant as he lies in kakyoin's bed. thisiskakyoin'sbed. this is where kakyoin sleeps Every Single Night. this is where kakyoin would be sleeping Right Now if he hadn't run himself ragged in preparation for your visit. he did that for youforyouforyou! but also.. he should not have done that for you- you always have this effect. it's an endless cycle all night long- jotaro is thankful when the exhaustion from the airport finally shuts his brain up

needless to say, jotaro feels like shit when he wakes up. camille feels like shit when she wakes up. nobody had a good night except for kakyoin, and that's only if you count out his feverish journey back to the apartment as his body tried to violently keep itself from tearing apart at the seams due to drinking Way Too Much strong coffee. camille's already up when jotaro clambers out of kakyoin's room, starting the pot for the morning. she takes one look at him and empathizes, asks how he takes his coffee. they chat quietly as it brews- camille tells him that the only person she thinks got a good night's sleep is kakyoin, who is still out of it. bemused, she tells jotaro how she misjudged where the counter was earlier and accidentally ended up slamming her mug on it, which she was SURE was going to wake up kakyoin. but behold... the beast still slumbers!

this is a really pivotal moment for jotaro and camille's friendship, this quiet morning talk. they don't talk about anything in particular, just whatever floats into camille's mind. they're both too tired to really care about any preconceived notions they had about the other, which is how they both learn that they had horribly misjudged the other. huh, would you look at that!

at some point as they're chatting, star platinum peels away from jotaro to go check on kakyoin, which used to happen often, especially back in tibet. this would annoy jotaro any other time- he very distinctly remembers kakyoin harshly telling him i'mfinei'mfinei'mfine, i'm not going to break or anything. but star (and thus, by extension, jotaro..) has always been the type to Need to check. star has always been a bit more anxious about kakyoin after dio, which jotaro really thinks is pretty fair. seeing your best friend getting rolled into a helicopter with a giant gaping hole in his abdomen will do that to you!

but anyhow. star peels away from jotaro to check on kakyoin, and jotaro allows it. he is concerned about kakyoin- although jotaro's guilty of it, too, it's no good to be staying up for that long and knocking yourself straight out with old coffee. he keeps chatting with camille through all of this- star platinum is up to Risky Business, but camille can't see him. jotaro's fine

(except camille CAN see him and she's too petrified to say anything about it lmao)

so while he and camille keep chatting, star platinum hovers over to kakyoin, and really takes the dude in. admittedly, kakyoin looks worse for wear. his skin has an odd pallor to it that makes jotaro feel a little queasy, and the bags under kakyoin's eyes don't go unnoticed either. his brow is deeply furrowed, and absently jotaro wonders what's plaguing kakyoin in his sleep. it's always been like this, since death 13. since the coma. he wants to smooth kakyoin's brow out, to run his thumb along it. but that's dangerous.

instead, star acts on instinct and reaches out to push The Noodle, the damnable beast, out of his face. star moves slowly- he doesn't want to wake kakyoin up, after all. it was just in the way. Of Kakyoin, that is. Not Jotaro looking at his face. Never that.

however, jotaro gets caught up in the thought, and in the implication of the thought, and star's finger brushes against kakyoin's ear way more than he had intended to (read: he hadn't intended to!! *cue internal screaming*), and oh. god. oh god. kakyoin's index finger fidgets, and then his eyebrows relax. has jotaro fucked up. oh god. if he woke up kakyoin he might just chuck himself out the window and into the traffic below them

as jotaro's thinking this, star platinum, the fucking beast, remains firmly planted in front of kakyoin. despite all the sirens going off in jotaro's mind, it stays there. most times, he feels like star platinum and he are pretty well in sync. but sometimes, he wonders if star platinum has a will of its own- is it Really just jotaro floating around in there? he wondered this at the very beginning, in that jail cell, and he begrudingly wonders about it now. getbackinhererightnow, and Yet! star platinum remains, taking in kakyoin with wide eyes. beside him, camille takes a very long sip of her coffee.

kakyoin wakes up slowly, as if sleep is not yet done with him. when he finally does manage to crack open his eyes, he blinks once, twice. slowly. why is it so bright. why is it so Purple? once his brain finally rejoins the land of the living, he is able to discern what the purple nebula before him is- it's star platinum? looking at him with eyes the size of dinner plates? his mouth utters the stand's name before he can quite process what's going on, but the second he does, splat is gone. faintly, he hears a choke from across the room, and that's what finally wakes him up. his gaze is drawn over to his and camille's kitchen, where camille is very pointedly digging around in their fridge. but next to her is the hulking jotaro kujo, choking on what kakyoin... judging by scent alone, guesses is coffee.

the scent triggers something in kakyoin’s mind, and then it all hits him like a train- overwhelming and all at once. oh dear god, he slept for far too long. he missed jotaro's arrival completely! and now jotaro is here choking on coffee in their kitchen. Jotaro is here!! and kakyoin was only just now waking up, disgustingly sweaty, under a mountainous blanket- camille's? oh dear god. what a nightmare!

in any other circumstance kakyoin would go to hug jotaro or shake his hand, but this. this was not it. his breath smelled like coffee that was much too old and God, he was so hot! he felt like his clothes had been glued to his skin. he yells out some sort of greeting, some acknowledgement that hey!! it's jotaro! but the words are jumbled and a pretty pitiful mix of english, japanese, and french. and then he vaults over the couch and into his room, WHERE! Jotaro's suitcase is?????? he trips on it, yells out some sort of profanity, grabs some clothes, and proceeds to promptly lock himself in the shower for at least fifteen minutes.

in these fifteen minutes, it's just intense kill bill sirens on all ends. kakyoin's like FUCK MAN I MISSED PICKING UP JOTARO, I CAN'T BELIEVE I SLEPT THROUGH ALL THAT! AND WHY WAS STAR LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? AHHHH; jotaro is just. lost in the sauce. star platinum you fucking bastard you should have withdrawn much earlier! that was too close! and camille. camille just hyperfocuses on achieving the perfect blend of coffee and creamer for her second cup while pretending she did NOT just witness whatever that super tender super intimate scene was. just smile and wave camille, smile and wave and nobody will ever know you saw a thing....

they collectively pretend to agree nothing happened when kakyoin gets out of the shower. jotaro, needing something to do with his hands before his body implodes, makes kakyoin some calming drink- something his father no doubt made often during busy tours. their fingers brush when he passes the cup to kakyoin, but you know what? we are NOT going to think about it. kakyoin nurses the cup gingerly, and camille, the saint that she is, bubbles up an entirely new conversation.

and that's basically it! jotaro falls deeper down the rabbit hole, kakyoin becomes Confused, and camille begins taking notes on the Hopeless Case of One (1) Kujo Jotaro lol

#JULES NOW THAT I'M READING IT AS A POST #I JUST WANNA APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR HITTIN U WITH THE WALL OF TEXT #IK IT'S FINE BUT MY GOD.. it really was that long huh?? #anyhow!!! :3 This is the #Star Catinum #SCENE BABEY!! idk if i want to write a fic about this scene or render it as a comic but ahhh #it's one of the sda's older scenes + one that is super near and dear to my heart #everyone is a disaster!! #coffee is a mistake! #fullmetal-the-last-alchemist #long post

[fresh-outta-jams]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 12

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: You’re in college when your soulmate tattoo shows up, an address. You figure it couldn’t hurt to send a letter, right? Note: I’m so excitedddddddd oof here we go, y’all. Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff. Word Count: 3.5k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

Nervous didn’t even begin to cover the emotions coursing through Namjoon’s body. He was terrified, excited, elated to be getting on the plane, and as soon as he sat down, it all sank in. The next time he got out of this plane, he would be in your state, and then soon after, in a car on the way to your school, and then even sooner after that, he’d have you in his arms, smothering you with kisses and affection. God, it was almost enough to make him pass out.

It had been a while since he’d flown somewhere alone, Namjoon reminisced. He missed the chatter and laughter of his brothers, filling the plane. Instead, sitting in First Class alone, he had to turn to his phone and computer for entertainment. He’d told you a few hours ago that he’d broken his phone, another lie, and that he wouldn’t have it for the rest of the day until it got fixed, so the two of you wouldn’t be able to FaceTime. And, if the problem arose, he’d lie to you about his webcam being dysfunctional too. It was a fourteen-hour flight and you couldn’t have any idea he was on the way, if he wanted the surprise to pay off.

Lily and Grace had offered to keep an eye on you, making sure you stayed at the library, which was where he planned to meet up with them, and therefore, you, when the time came. God, thinking about it made his heart race.

After this flight, he’d be with you. After this flight...He’d. Be. With. You. It was going to drive him mad. Figuring his best bet to pass the time was sleeping, Namjoon lowered his seat and pulled his Koya sleeping mask down over his eyes, his headphones playing something soft and romantic. He had no idea how he would ever be able to sleep when something so exciting was waiting on the other end of that dreamy tunnel for him, but he figured he’d have to if he didn’t want the minutes to crawl by.

So, he let his breaths slow, and he let the music carry him off to a happy place filled with coffee shops and a girl with pink hair and a camera.

***

You were decidedly itchy. No, maybe itchy wasn’t quite the right word. You were antsy, more like it. It was seven. You’d just woken up from a very odd dream about an airplane, which you’d written off as anxiety about your upcoming first flight.

Today was Monday, the first day of exam week, which certainly contributed to your itchiness. And once you unlocked your phone to scroll through the night’s notifications, you got some more answers as to exactly why something felt off.

Unknown Number: Hey jagiya! It’s Namjoon! Your clumsy boyfriend dropped his phone, so I won’t be able to text or call you today. I’m sending this from Hobi’s phone. I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Have a good day studying for your exams. I know you’ll do well! Fighting!

It was sweet, very sweet. How thoughtful of him, to send you a message instead of leaving you to wonder if your amazing wonderful boyfriend was ignoring you. But that was what Namjoon was: thoughtful. And yet, something still felt off about it, yet you couldn’t put your finger on it.

So, you sat up, stretched, hung your sleeping mask on its designated Command hook, and started down your ladder to begin one very uneventful day of studying.

***

You were a strong believer in study breaks. Cramming without stop always made you more frustrated than anything else. So, every couple of hours, you took a thirty-minute break to talk to the other two friends who had come to cram with you. Well, at the moment, it was one. Lily was taking her Psychology exam, so that left you with Grace, who had her nose in her American History book, jotting notes down in her red, white, and blue notebook.

When she looked up, and caught your gaze, she set down her textbook and smiled, stretching. “Break time already?”

“Yeah, it’s like three.”

“Holy shit that went by fast.” She checked the time on her phone only to find that what you’d told her was accurate. And also, she’d received a DM from your soulmate, the one person you could not know she was messaging. She snatched up her phone as quickly as she could.

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously, that sinking feeling you’d been harboring since this morning returning in full force. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” She blurted too quickly, clearing out her notifications, and with them, any remains of Namjoon’s message. “No, I just, uh, my professor emailed me a study guide and I really needed it.”

“Oh, that’s good…” You nodded, attempting to take a sip from your now-empty glass of tea. Luckily for you, you’d been saving up your meal dollars, so you had enough money for all the tea you could ever drink...and then some. And, in addition, you had to spend all of them before the school year ended, so you figured you may as well use them.

Standing up from the table, you grabbed your empty cup and tossed it in the trash, walking up the stairs to get another one from the tea place on the second floor. While you were gone, Grace unlocked her phone and opened Twitter. It was Namjoon, of course, messaging in the group chat he’d started with Grace and Lily.

RM_fan_94: Around five or six hours left on my flight. How are things going? Is she okay?

GracieGirl: She’s fine, Namjoon. She has consumed around six cups of tea since we’ve been here, tho. Your girl has a problem…

RM_fan_94: She sounds like me with coffee haha

RM_fan_94: Do either of you have tips for when I get there?

GracieGirl: I’m going to send you navigation from the entrance of the school to the library, but besides that, it should be fine. We’re sitting in this little area on the bottom floor.

GracieGirl: It’s her favorite spot, so there’s no way we’re moving.

GracieGirl: Plus, this place is full bc of exams, so we couldn’t really move if we tried.

GracieGirl: Once you get here, go through the door on the front of the building (facing the giant bird statue) and go down the stairs. It’s basically impossible to miss her. She has hot pink hair.

GracieGirl: Also, she’s wearing a BTS shirt.

RM_fan_94: Awwwwww that’s my girl.

Lilyyyy: Exam is FINISHED!! Operation Babysit (Y/N) Commences!

RM_fan_94: I hope you did well!

Lilyyyy: Omg where did she find you? You’re so perfect?? And sweet?? Did she make you in a lab??

RM_fan_94: Probably haha omg. But no, after many debates over the topic, I’ve concluded that she is the perfect one in this relationship. I’m just her hype man.

GracieGirl: Oooookay, Mr. Superstar, whatever you say.

Lilyyyy: Y’all are cute as fuck. I can’t wait for tonight!!!

Namjoon paused for a while before he typed out his next message, sighing to himself as he laid his head back against the seat again.

RM_fan_94: Me either…

***

You sat at the table, drilling film terms until your head started buzzing.You had watched your project so many times, you couldn’t stare at the editing program for another second, or you were sure you would go insane. So, instead, you were studying for your Film Analysis class, reteaching yourself about motifs and mise-en-scene and all of the other terms from the beginning of the semester that had been buried by all of the new things you’d learned thus far.

You still felt itchy. Maybe moreso now than when you had woken up, but itchy nonetheless. It was an odd feeling, like something was hanging over your head, something real and heavy and dropping fast. And yet, the more you thought about it, the less it made sense. Nothing was happening. You were fine. Everything was fine. It was just stress. Yes, of course, that’s what it was. Stress. Logical.

The only thing hanging over your head was your exams and the upcoming flight to Korea. That’s all it was, and it made perfect sense.

You sighed and checked the time on your phone. It was six, and you were hungry. You’d had a muffin for brunch and nothing since then. Time for a break, then. You got up and both Grace and Lily looked, wide-eyed.

“Where are you going?” Lily blurted when she saw you grab your keys.

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh. Gotcha. I’ll come with.” Lily offered, picking up her keys too. “If we take the tunnels, we don’t even have to go outside.”

“That is a good point.” You agreed, waving to Grace, the appointed guardian of your things for the time-being, seeing as she had grabbed food thirty minutes ago while you and Lily were busy working.

The two of you walked through the library and through the tunnels that connected the learning center to the building next to it, where there was a selection of fast food places. You got in line at the sandwich place and scrolled through Twitter, your thumb moving to send something funny to Namjoon until you remembered, stopping in place, that Namjoon’s phone was broken.

Your heart sank a little, but you saved the link so you could send it to him later.

“You okay?” Lily nudged your arm and you nodded. “Something wrong?”

“Namjoon broke his phone, so I can’t talk to him…” You sighed. “But I’m glad he told me. Is it weird I miss him? Also, I’m itchy.”

“You’re...itchy?” Lily giggled. “You might want to get a cream for that, sweetie, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“I know, it’s weird.” You agreed, laughing with her. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just nerves from...everything, you know?”

“Yeah, I think I kind of get that.” Lily nodded. It was a good thing you were busy with your phone or you definitely would have noticed the knowing smile blooming across her features. If only you knew what was in store for you in two short hours…

***

When Namjoon got off the plane, he was shaking. Every part of him, trembling in anticipation. He fumbled with his suitcase, struggling to get it out of the luggage check without dropping it. His heart raced. He was here, like twenty minutes from your school, and as soon as his Uber texted him, he’d be on his way.

Namjoon reached into his pocket to check the time. It was around eight, so according to your friends, you’d still be in the library by now, but he figured he’d better send a heads-up just in case. His fingers were shaking almost too much to punch in the message, but somehow, he managed, pressing send after reading over it once or twice.

RM_fan_94: Just landed. Uber should be here soon. I’ll be there twenty minutes after that. Keep her busy.

His face was flushed, heart pounding, banging against his ribcage in hopes to escape and run down the street to find you. God, you were so close. You two had never been this close. There had almost always been an ocean between you, at least, since you’d started communicating. And now, all that was standing in his way was a car ride. Namjoon almost couldn’t stand it.

So, nervous as all hell, Namjoon started pacing in the lobby of the airport until he finally got the notification and went sprinting for the front doors and into the van of his Uber driver.

Every atom in his body was buzzing, buzzing, buzzing and burning as he got closer and closer to the gates of your college. He read the signs on the side of the road. Twenty miles turned to ten, which turned to five. Namjoon felt dizzy, suffocated by his rapidly-approaching destiny. He was sprinting towards it, now, a handful of miles standing between him and the love of his life.

In the passing streetlights, Namjoon could make out the lettering on his wrist. The tattoo that had started this all. He remembered his excitement the moment his fingers brushed against your first letter and the words tingled into existence on his skin. He remembered when all he had to go on was a name and the fact that you were from the States. He remembered the overwhelming joy that washed over him when you sent him the first picture of you, dressed up as Wonder Woman and smiling like you didn’t have a care in the world. He remembered your first phone call, the way his veins pulsed when he finally heard your voice.

All of it was coming to a peak, now. The precipice. This was the beginning of something very new, something uncharted for himself and the rest of the members in BTS.

Without warning, his Uber driver reached the traffic light to turn onto campus. It flicked from red to green, and he drove across the halted lanes of opposite traffic, under the giant arch that marked the beginning of your school. This was it. There was no going back now.

***

Something was wrong with Lily and Grace. They were acting weird. Both of them had gotten a notification from some mysterious group chat, and now neither of them could look you in the eye. It was odd, to say the very least.

“Everything okay?”

“Yep! Just peachy!” Grace lied through her teeth, beaming at you innocently. Something very, very strange was afoot, but you were too burned-out to attempt to get to the bottom of it.

So, seeing as your drink was empty once again, you stood up and began the trek to the tea store up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Lily asked, almost shooting up out of her seat.

“I need more tea.” You shrugged, looking from Lily to Grace. “I’ll be back in like five minutes tops.”

“Okay.” Lily nodded, walking to the bathroom to cover up the fact that she’d shot up so fast to attempt to stop you.

Shaking your head at the strange behavior, you finished walking up the steps and stood in line at the tea store, ordering yet another iced drink. By this time, the barista didn’t even need to ask. It only took him a few minutes to get your drink to you and then you were on your way back down the stairs to the table. You were sitting down when your phone rang with a call...from Namjoon. Your eyebrows furrowed until you realized it was like ten in the morning in Korea, so his phone must have gotten fixed.

Brightening immediately, you picked up.

“Hey babe! Did you get your phone fixed?”

“I did…” His voice sounded weird. You could hear his tone and his breath shaking with each word. “Good thing, too…”

“Joon, is everything okay?”

“Great, baby, everything is great. Super, super great. I just...God…” And then he hung up, his connection cutting out, assumably. Your eyebrows furrowed, waiting for him to call back, like he usually did when your Skype calls cut out, but he didn’t.

“Something wrong?” Lily asked, almost unable to hide the grin on her face. Grace subtly held her phone, obviously recording. She had been since you got back with your tea. And yet, your head was buzzing too much for you to notice.

“I think his phone cut out.” You said softly, staring at the screen as you contemplated calling him back. You waited for a few more seconds before you noticed someone standing at the bottom of the steps. He was tall, his long frame dressed in an oversized black shirt and ripped jeans, tufts of pink hair sticking down out of his black baseball cap.

Maybe it was the pink hair that caused you to look back down at your work for a split second before your heart lurched and you did a double-take. You studied him, frozen and wide-eyed. You urged your legs to get up so you could get a closer look, but they weren’t listening.

You put your hands on the table, pushing yourself to a standing position as Lily and Grace giggled. Your legs wobbled with each slow step over to him. He was frozen, too, an amused grin on his face as he watched the wheels turn in your head, dimples on full display.

“N-Namjoon?” You whispered, tears fogging up your vision. You covered your mouth with your hands, taking a step forward and then a little step back, still unsure if this was actually happening or if it was some cruel hallucination, cooked up by twelve hours of staring at a book and taking notes.

“It’s just me, baby.” He reassured softly. “I’m right here.”

That was all the reassurance you needed. He set down his duffle bag and opened his arms, waiting for your legs to finally get the message from your brain. Eventually, they did, and you broke into a run, closing the distance between you until you were jumping into his arms, legs wrapped tight around his hips. One of his large hands came to rest under your thigh, and the other fastened around your back, rubbing comforting circles as your floodgates finally opened, a cascade of tears following.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He tried to hush your sobs, but he realized after a few seconds that he was crying too.

“How did you get here?” You croaked. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to come surprise my girl.” He chuckled softly, happy tears rolling down his cheeks. “I knew you’d need a little pick-me-up for exam week.”

“So you just came at the drop of a hat?”

“This has been planned for months, baby. It’s all worked out, I promise.” Namjoon was still holding you, your legs firmly gripping his waist, but he pulled away to look at you up close. You were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, even with trails of black mascara running down your cheeks. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

“I look like a mess.” You shook your head, chuckling at how much of a disaster you probably looked on today of all days. Of course on the one day that mattered, you looked like you’d just been hit by the bus.

“Baby, you’re the most beautiful person on the planet.” Namjoon pressed a long kiss to your forehead, closing his eyes before murmuring, “You look perfect, always. I love you, jagiya.”

“I love you too.” You took a moment there to look at him, to really look at this man who held the other half of your soul in his heart. You raised your hands to his cheeks and gave his dimples a pinch, earning a laugh from him. “You’re real…”

“Weird, isn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t count how many times he’d heard that from ARMYs all over the world. Although, it was never as tender or careful as this statement.

“Mmhmm.” You hummed, studying his features up close, squishing his dimpled cheeks together. “Joonie?”

“What?”

Your eyes lingered on the pillows of his plush lips. They were calling to you. “I want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me.” He replied, leaning in slowly to meet you in the middle. It was electric, sparks flying the moment your lips melted against his larger, warmer ones. You almost forgot you were in public until you heard cheers from all of the other brain-dead students flooding the library currently. Blushing, you reluctantly pulled away from Namjoon, finally unwrapping your legs from his hips and settling yourself back on the floor.

“Was it worth the wait?” You whispered, taking his hand and leading him back over to where your grinning friends had pulled up a fourth chair.

“I would wait a hundred years for you if I had to.”

“You’re cheesy.” You scrunched your nose and looked up at him. You knew all along that he would tower over you, but up close it was entirely different. Namjoon seemed to notice too, as he looked down on you gingerly. He leaned forward and pressed another lingering kiss to your forehead, pulling you against his chest.

“So are you.”

“That’s fair.” You giggled into the fabric of his shirt before finally sitting down with him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you no matter how hard he tried. But eventually, he did turn to give his thanks to Lily and Grace.

“Thank you, ladies. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Grace smiled. Lily nodded in agreement.

You, however, looked between the three of them with wide eyes. “You knew???”

“Explains a lot, doesn’t it?” Lily chuckled, shrugging as she got back to her studying.

“Congratulations, you two.” Gace bidded before slipping her headphones back over her ears.

Namjoon took your hand in his own, scooching his chair closer to yours. He studied your little fingers with a smile before bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it. This, he imagined, was what the rest of your little forever looked like, and he wouldn’t have it any other way...

Tagged: @iie-wakarimasen , @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @huhuehuey, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson, @btswerewolfaus, @oyasumi7, @mycurrentusernameisalreadytaken, @gangstavixsta

#armyofwriters #kpopwonderlandtag #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #bts #bts imagine #fluff #soulmate au #bts soulmate au #rm #rm x reader #rm imagine #signed sealed delivered

[twilightprophet]

school’s officially over for the semester! anyway here’s my Pol rant

i’m not taking polish next semester !  which is a good and bad thing and i’m still just,, so fucking upset over it. like i have good reasons but by all means i feel like i was pushed out of polish and i’m really sad about that

like,, i have legit good reasons to drop polish. my 1st yr teacher sucked + the textbook sucks sm that you can’t just learn it on your own. and it makes for horrible review. so when i went into 2nd yr i wasn’t ready bc i wasn’t even at a 1st yr level. and they kept passing me on so now i got to 3rd yr polish... but i barely speak 1st yr. my polish is horrid, my grammar is muddled and i can’t remember vocab at all. my sentences are simple and halting. like, i’m acutely aware of this. i can compare it to where i’m at w Est and Ukr and know that there’s something deeply wrong w my polish. i know that the base is absent. and that doesnt work. you cant know complex words and grammar but not know how to form a simple sentence. and what was my 2nd/3rd yr teacher gonna do? teach me 1st yr polish along side 2nd? fuck. and w other langs and classes, i can’t do it on my own rn. i’m too busy to do work for a class i took already and should’ve learned from but couldn’t

it’s not even just me. my classmates had difficulty too and the only left from 1st yr has told me on his own that he learned nothing in 1st yr polish and is now struggling w out the foundation. so clearly there’s something wrong w the class

not to mention at this point we straight up have 4 native speakers that just want foreign lang credit. that’s the majority of the class. i don’t understand most of what they’re saying. it’s impossible to do conversations, which is what most of the class is. legit the first few classes i ended up crying bc i didn’t understand anything and got so stressed out

so i dropped it this semester and i just,, feel so bad. i know its not my fault but i’m so mad. i’ve been trying to learn polish for 10 yrs but it’s such a complex lang that i was hoping a course would help me. but it just hasn’t. my vocab is worse than when i started. it feels so futile and horrible to be failed like this in polish

bc i was so fucking excited for polish !!! i thought i’d learn enough to start understanding things !! but i can’t !!! this fucking school didn’t help me at all. and i was getting graded for it !! it’s been so fucking stressful. i’ve come to hate polish sm bc the experience here was so bad. i hate seeing anything about poland now bc i’m so goddam bitter about all this

i didn’t take polish bc i want it to be for my career. thats what Est and Ukr are for. i was in polish bc i was interested in it and wanted it to use for my folklore interests. it was literally for enjoyment. and these past few yrs just fucked that up. what a horrid thing to crush my excitement for something that i simply needed help in. this has been so disheartening and i’m so upset that i’m having to quit just 1 semester before finishing it out

but it’s worthless to keep taking a lang that i can’t understand. it’s just gonna mangle what i have left even more and stress me out and i can’t afford the stress when i’m trying to also figure out my grad school stuff

i just... god fuck. 

i found a different polish textbook so maybe i can start from the beginning. again. this time on my own lmao. what a fucking shame and god help that poor classmate of mine who’s staying in polish even tho his level is even worse than mine

#hush lali #sorry mobile users #i cried all yesterday about this :) #oh i also got news #that my fulbright app was rejected #but all this? #worse than even that news :)))

[kkyuproof]

Jikook/Kookmin Fic Rec Part 1

(Part 2 Here)

I’ve slowly been building up my list of KM fics and thought I might as well share them with the rest of the Tumblr-sphere (and organize them all because if the rest of my life is a mess, at least my fav fics can be orderly amirite)! I’m somewhat new to BTS and KM so it’s not too big a list, but I’m going to be updating this as I find more that I enjoy :) Happy Reading! 

(most of these are probs old fics because like i said IM NEW HERE IM SO SORRY, but i hope you still find it helpful idk man)

Mostly Fluffy Fics

you are the ruler of the stars (and my heart) by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 18k | Jimin reluctantly joins his college’s Space and Astronomy club on the basis of Taehyung’s persuasion. Surrounded by a group of unnecessarily tall space nerds, he unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with one of them.

OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CUTE. One of my fav fluffy fics to be honest. I was squealing basically the whole time i was reading. love.

i’ll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 7k |  Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy -- unfortunately also a past hookup -- that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won’t let him.

Another super cute fluffy fic!!! i just found this author and the fluff is just so amazingly written and not cliche at all and ugh. JK acts like he’s all suave but he’s really just a big softie and AH. 

friday nights (with you) by kstorms | Words: 24k |  How a random night at a karaoke bar leaves Jimin with two new friends and a frowny, terribly handsome crush.

Anther classic tbh. I think I’ve read this through like four or five times bc i have literally no life and enjoy this VERY well written humor. There’s like zero angst in this and it’s all mostly Taehyung being a very cute little shit to JK (KM is there obvs and they super cute but ya know). Def a must read.

competency at its highest potency by MauveTarte | Words: 10k | State-Sponsored Runs are the excitement of every Alpha and Omega youth.

Or,

Jimin has one final chance at this bonding thing before his life goes to shit.

the one and only ABO fic i’ve read with NO SMUT. that’s right, ya heathens! this one is solely plot driven (and super fluffy). It’s cute af and Taehyung is an amazing friend :)

(my heart beats) for you by sabotagemyheart | Words: 17k | In which Jungkook, as a child, befriends the exceptionally adorable, small and friendless Jimin, not knowing that after a few years, he’ll be wrecking this very boy underneath himself making him whimper out his name.

okay LISTEnn. This summary makes this fic sound a lot dirtier than it is (ok yes it’s smutty BUT there’s more fluff in this than anything else. its so so so cute.)

Mostly Smutty Fics

Studio 2 by Charmander | Words: 20k WIP | Somewhere along the way, Jimin lost that passion he used to pour into his art, watching as it slipped through his very fingers. But street kid Jungkook is all heart and soul, and he’s more than willing to help Jimin learn to burn with the same fire he carries inside himself.

okay so this one is very plot heavy (as is most of Charmander’s fics) so don’t think you’re getting JUST smut. it has an amazing storyline about sexuality struggles and i think a lot of you would enjoy it! (the smut is bomb af tho sooo) 

Starstruck by SugaTheTurtle | Words: 5k |  Everyone is attracted to idols at one point or another. As part of Big Hit’s staff, Jimin really shouldn’t still be as attracted to Jungkook as he was at the beginning. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be stuck hiding inside a closet in his dressing room silently praying that the idol was reaching for the zipper on his pants to change into something more comfortable.

ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS. This is for all you kinky fuckers out there who love pure smut. It was very interesting at first but as it progressed i was like whoaoaa i need some holy water. this fic is the epitome of “well, that escalated quickly” (but it’s still not rushed ??? which like...how?) enjoy! lmao.

Interlude by Bunbungee | Words: 9k | Jungkook has fallen in love at first listen with Jimin’s interlude and he won’t stop until he finds out why he is reacting so strongly to it. His search for answers takes a new turn when, one night, he discovers just how much the song can affect him.

Okay this was smutty, but still SUPER CUTE bc jeon is his typical shy bunny self who’s super oblivious and jimin is just a sweetheart. looooove.

Wet Depths by WorldwideWriter | Words: 10k | All it takes for Jungkook to break is a slightly unfair swimming competition and a too seductive Jimin.

GIVE ME ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FICS hell yes. I love their dynamic in this one, they hate each other (but they really don’t lol like come on.) and the sexual tension is insane.

everybody’s watching him, but he’s looking at you by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 6k|   In which Jimin formulates a three-step plan to get the hot bouncer to notice him. (Spoiler: it doesn’t go quite as expected.)

okay this is smutty but also super cute so like idk where to put it but jimin wears a thong in it so i think the smut category will suffice. a quick read but so worth it, JK is a lowkey sweetheart.

Blood & Chocolate by MyHope (CutesyMe) | Words: 35k | “What if I only want you to sit on my lap?” the stranger asks, which is an odd request. People always want Jimin to dance for them. Only sometimes do they ask of him to just sit on their lap but event hen he has to move in some way and not just sit still.

“Same price,” Jimin retorts.

Jungkook spreads his legs slightly and motions to his lap as if it’s the best seat that has ever been offered to Jimin. “Be my guest.”

so i don’t really know what to say here but i loved their dynamic in this fic?? i love the way JK treats JM in this ahhhh its SMUTTY AF but he still super sweet and protective.  There’s sooooome angst but it’s not too bad. Good plot.

New Heights by Charmander | Words 11k| There’s no better way to remind yourself that you’re alive than tempting fate from 700 meters above the ground and the searing touch of another’s fingers dragging down your chest.

1000% my favorite smut fic out there. the dialogue written in this fic is so well-done and absolutely hilarious. Sexual tension is CRAZY. love his fics.

give in to the game by cherrygloss | Words: 23k | “Jimin, if you honestly think that I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous, then you’re out of your mind.”

im s oRRY, i know this is mostly smut aljfdlkaldfj my thirsty ass has bookmarked so many smut fics but i can’t help it oof. but this is super cute smut with some feeliins.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks | Words: 34k | The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook to dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

WOOH another classic! I live for jealous/protective!JK idk its just super cute. my fav ABO fic!!

two sides; same story by namjoone | Words: 12k | Okay, so maybe Jimin thinks his neighbor is hot.

A little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

haha ohhhh man i love mutual pining. they’re both totally dumb at the beginning of this and i live for it. also some hoottttttt ass smut. (bc i need jesus at this point)

Not a Girl by PinkBTS | Words: 8k | Jeongguk isn’t sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he’s kinda grateful though.

A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.

AHHHHH  this is so funny and awkward and hot and EVERYTHING. I live for frat!bangtan with my whole heart. 

Downpour by kikistiel (Kikai) | Words: 15k | Jimin doesn’t know what it is. But now, he’s not sure he’s ready for summer to be over just yet.

IM SCREAMING. This was almost poetically good (aka A+ writing oh my gerrrd). It’s kinda angsty too like a bit but its also so sweet i love it :( go read pls.

How to Seduce Your Dance Teacher by Jeon Jungkook by soranosuzu | Words: 5k | Currently there are a million thoughts racing through Jungkook’s brain, but two very prominent ones finally beat their way to the forefront of his mind. First, Jimin is hot as hell and Jungkook needs to find a way to get into his pants. Second (and maybe slightly more urgent than the first), Jungkook needs to find a way to prevent himself from popping a boner every time Jimin does that in the future and, more importantly, right now.

(aka AU in which Jungkook devises a plan to seduce his ridiculously hot dance teacher Jimin)

HELLL YEAH. that is all.

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (cumrich) | Words: 71k WIP | Packs merge all the time. It’s survival, Jimin knows that, but what he’s not prepared for is the attention he’s getting from a certain Jeon Jungkook, the alpha’s son.

yeeesss we got some more ABO up in this biiiiihhcc. It’s not done yet, but i strongly urge you to read!! so goooood and the smut is A1.

Mostly Angst

The Bet by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 46k |  Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester. 

Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.

Yes i had to include this lovely classic :) Still one of my favs and probably always will be *shrug*. I’m not usually an angst person but this is like the perfect dosage for me to handle lol. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life honestly go do it lmao.

lost stars by pjungkook | Words: 25k | Park Jimin has another maknae in his life and Jeon Jungkook is completely losing it.

have you ever felt like your heart was being smushed under an eighteen wheeler and your chest was caving in? Yeah that was me during this fic. But it’s sososo good and i promise there’s still fluff (i cannot live through angst without fluff) so READ.

Falling for you again by Rose_gold715 | Words: 30k | Jungkook loses all memory of the last five years of his life.

Jimin is scared he will never love him again.

wow okay so this one was a tear-jerker. you sympathize with both JK and JM but you’re also sort of frustrated with them at the same time?? soso good, definitely give it a read.

serendipity (none of this is a coincidence) by nclnns | Words: 30k | Jimin feels like crying.

Because the boy -- Jeon Jungkook as he had learnt a week ago -- is the exact opposite of Jimin.

And he’s the person Jimin’s boyfriend has been cheating on him with.

or

In which Jimin finds out that Taehyung is cheating on him with a boy named Jeon Jungkook and in the quest to understand what went wrong, he ends up falling in love with said boy.

so i haven’t read this one in a few months but i remember it being one of the first KM fics i had ever bookmarked, so it must have hit me in some way. JK is a sweetie though from what i remember.

On Patrol by Ragi | Words: 129k| Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable. Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can’t seem to keep out of his life. Captain Kim finds comfort in his son’s homeroom teacher. 

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

Okay so this isn’t like suuuuper angsty but it’s also not smutty nor super fluffy either??? So idk where to put it but i think angst fits this most. I also laughed quite a bit during this so it has humor!! Tae is also like an 8 year-old kid LDJAFODJOA (ft. Sope and Namjin)

we’re not broken just bent by calipha | Words 16k | “You’ll die,” Jimin hisses and they’re so close now that his perfect illusion is broken. Jungkook can see his dark circles, can see Jimin’s lips, red and raw from biting.

“I did almost die in this house once, five years ago,” he whispers, watching as Jimin clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away. “I think I can handle more. I’m bigger and stronger now, see?” Jimin holds his gaze for two seconds before it tracks south to move down Jungkook’s body.

MY HARRY POTTER LOVIN ASS IS VERY SATISFIED. jimin is just a misunderstood bb and jungkook is trying SO HARD not to pine ajweklfkldf.

#jikook #jikook fic rec #jikook fic #jikook smut #kookmin fic rec #kookmin #bts fic rec #bts fanfiction

[sosa-sketch]

Fright or Flight: Chapter 2

Parings: Prinxiety // Logicality // Platonic LAMP

Story Summary: Virgil and Patton investigate the New Prince Castle, when a brutal accident kills Patton. Patton wakes as a ghost and meets friendly ghoul Roman, who has been haunting the castle for 20 years. Virgil is determined to bring Patton back to life and brings Logan, the ghost expert, to help him out. Time is quickly running out, and the four must work together to undo death. If only it was as simple as Logan made it sound.

Unknown to them, a secret entity in the castle does not plan on letting them succeed.

Previous Chapter   Next Chapter 

When Patton first met Virgil, his last intention was to become friends with him. Virgil had built up a notorious reputation over the first few months of school, and his grades did nothing to disprove his status. Patton wasn’t the type to judge a person’s character based on rumors nor looks. No one was a higher believer in the benefit of doubt than Patton! However, Virgil’s first impression did not help his case.

Virgil transferred into Patton’s English class the second semester due to a schedule change. When the teacher stated a new team project was to be completed, Patton did not shy away from offering to be Virgil’s partner. He understood how difficult it could be being the new kid in a class full of friends and cliques.

The project was hefty, an collection of novel analyzing, essays, vocabulary, and journal entries. Patton was not looking forward to the Shakespearean project-Shakespeare’s language was alien to him. It occurred to Patton that pairing up with the soon-to-be-dropout may not have been his best idea. Nonetheless, Patton refused to be jaded.

The first day of the project, Virgil refused to touch the work.

“There’s no way I’m touching this project.” Virgil sneered. “Especially about Shakespeare.”

“Huh?” Patton had not fully processed Virgil’s words. “Is it because you don’t understand it?”

“Sure.”

“Neither can I! I guess Shakespeare really has our brains shaken up! Maybe we can ask the teacher to go over it for us?”

The teen huffed and shook his head. Virgil laid his head on the wooden desk and his eyes slipped closed. He napped for the rest of the period.

His behavior continued for weeks. Patton had tried everything in his power to get Virgil to help him out. Patton’s seemingly endless supply of compliments and encouraging gestures served no help.

Patton’s mind had conjured countless excuses for Virgil since Virgil himself refused to give one. At the beginning the excuses had seemed feasible. Lack of sleep? Family issues? However, by week three, Patton was already scraping the bottom of the barrel, trying to justify Virgil’s dismissive attitude with clones and possible mind control. Virgil was no closer to lifting up a pencil, there were ten days left of the project, and Patton still understood little to nothing about Shakespeare. Patton was flying solo and time was ticking.

The final week before the project was due, Patton caught the flu.

Patton would chalk up the flu to the top three sucky sicknesses of his lifetime. His fever was raging, his skin drowning in sweat while the insides of him iced over. Patton couldn’t tell when being awake ended and when sleep began. The only alarm in Patton’s body was the churning in his gut that rushed him to the toilet.

Understandably, the project was the last thing on his mind.

Patton would not remember his Shakespeare mission until the Sunday before it was due, when he was shaking off the final remnants of the flu. The realization hit him like a train, but by the time he went flying off his bed and hurriedly logging on to his computer to check the time, Patton knew it was hopeless. There was no way he could get the project done in a few hours and counting. Not when all his energy was going into fighting of sneezes and headaches.

Patton was dejectedly scrolling through his email filled with newsletters from adoption sites and animal protection agencies when a subject line caught his eye: “English Project.” Linked to the email were word documents and an audio file. Perplexedly, Patton opened the email.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: English Project

Patton,

so apparently you’ve been sick. class is way more quiet without you their, which is wierd.

i think i did everything you hadn’t done. it’s gonna be really mispelled and confusing and shit. sorry. i’m not the best with righting. feel free to fix anything.

get well soon.

-V

p.s. sorry for acting like a jerk. i owe you a explanation monday.

Patton hugged his computer screen and laugh with relief. He had no idea why Virgil was so nervous. His ideas were brilliant. A week later, Patton would see an A in his gradebook for the Shakespeare project.

There was a reason why Patton never lost faith in people.

True to his word, the next week Virgil explained his mistreatment to Patton. Virgil struggled with dyslexia. While he was getting tutoring in overcoming his learning disability, Virgil’s writing made him incredibly insecure. His old teacher always let him work individually, but the new teacher wasn’t having it. Before class, the teacher pulled him aside and told Virgil he was no different from any other student and would have to work with a partner. Virgil, determined to spite the teacher and anxious to seem like an “idiot” in front of Patton, would pretend to sleep the whole period.

“All your writing took was a quick grammar fix. The ideas were so good! I’m not just saying that to say that, they actually were! I could never think of something like that.” Patton reassured enthusiastically.

Virgil flushed a bright red. “I didn’t do much. Shakespeare is a lot easier to understand with audio.”

Patton listened to the audiobook of Macbeth that night. Virgil clearly wasn’t giving himself enough credit.

Virgil and Patton quickly grew close once the project was done. Virgil was still quiet, snappy, moody, and detrimentally insecure, but he began to open up more as the months went on. By senior year, Patton and Virgil was joined at the hip. Two peas in a pod.

Virgil had grown a lot since freshman year.

Being joined at the hip with Virgil meant that Patton got to understand Virgil by the simplest change in body language or expression. It also meant that Patton became aquatinted with anyone close to Virgil.

Patton already had a bad feeling while Virgil’s tone had shifted on the phone the night they were chatting about yearbook quotes. Remy sending Patton a text only confirmed the ball of dread in his stomach.

Rem: pat can we talk ?

Patton: You don’t even have to ask! Everything ok?

Rem: it’s about v

Rem: have you guys talked recently ? out of school

Patton: We talked last weekend. Over the phone. Why? Is Virgil fine??

Rem: idk. he came over to my house a couple nights ago at like 5 am. talked about some ghost shit.

Patton: He woke you up to talk about ghosts??(language!)

Rem: looking for affirmation that he wasn’t some obsessed ghost freak. i told him nah

Rem: but tbh he kinda is obsessed

Patton: He is passionate about his ghosts! But that’s not a bad thing.

Rem: v strongly disagrees. the whole thing about the yearbook and ghost quotes really messed with his head

Patton: I didn’t mean anything bad by it! It was just an idea! I promise! I’ll apologize to him!!!

Rem: wait no thats not what im saying. no one blames u

Rem: is he doing any ghost stuff anytime soon

Patton: Yep. He’s going to visit a castle!

Patton: Is that bad?

Rem: don’t you remember last time v became paranoid abt something? he pulled some real stupid stuff just to prove ppl wrong

Patton: Yeah. I know.

Patton: Gosh now I’m worried :(

Rem: i just dont want him doing anything he’ll regret on the trip. can u just…idk watch out for him pls ? ik v can take care of himself. but sometimes he gets into this headspace that’s self-destructive

Rem: tbh i dont like his ghost stuff as it is. i dont need him doing something dumb either

Patton: I understand Rem. That’s really sweet of you <3 <3

Patton: I’ll look out for him! I promise!!!! :-) :-)

Rem: ty. dont tell v abt this convo tho

Despite feeling uneasy about it, Patton understood Remy’s request to keep silent. Telling Virgil about their conversation would only push Virgil away and make him defensive. It’d be impossible to look out for him.

Virgil had already given Patton a way in. Patton had to talk to Logan for Virgil and get any supplies he might need. Patton loved visiting Logan in and of itself. Maybe Logan could help him out.

Logan’s business was located near small shops clustered along the beach. It was a hotspot for tourists, where knickknacks and souvenirs were sold and expensive attractions were advertised. Patton walked along here with Virgil sometimes, stopping at the arcade or mirror maze. Patton had met some of the most interesting people in the small touristy town.

Among the attractions was a dark blue shingled building with a pointy-roofed top. Painted letters on a wooden board spelt out “Afterlife Exposed.” Patton stepped through the door and a bell gently ringed, signaling his arrival.

At the sound of the bell, a tall, dark-haired man turned around. His navy suit blended in with the darkness of the shop. The man’s lean body was captivated beautifully in the suit. Patton quickly averted his eyes, blushing furiously.

“I have been expecting you-oh. Greetings, Patton. What a surprise.”

“Hi Logan!” Patton waved enthusiastically. “Who were you expecting?”

“No one. It’s a new rule Father has implemented. I must say it to every customer to ‘set the mood,’ as he calls it.” Logan dragged his hand over his face exasperatedly. “I find it quite ridiculous. But business shall be business.”

Logan’s father technically owned Afterlife Exposed. But he was always hidden in the back, gathering supplies or experimenting. Logan was currently studying entrepreneurship in college in order to take over the family business someday.

“How may I help you today, Patton?” Logan inquired, stepping around the counter to stand in front of him. He was even taller up close.

Patton filled Logan in about the New Prince Castle family murder and Virgil’s plan to investigate the castle for one of his ghost routines. Logan nodded politely the whole way through.

“I see. What an intriguing case. What exactly does he need from me?”

Patton shrugged cluelessly. “Anything you think might help, I guess.”

“What’s his budget?”

“A coffee and cake pop from Starbucks, if he uses his gift card.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “And he sent you to purchase something from here? Why, he couldn’t even afford a keychain.”

“Come on, Logan! He’s one of your most loyal customers and between us, he’s going through a rough patch. Can’t you help him out? Please?”

Logan massaged his temples and sighed. “Patton, it’s just not something the business can afford to do right now. My Father and I have been dealing with a sort of rough patch as well. You and Virgil have my sincerest apologies-truly, you do.”

Patton nodded dejectedly, “I understand.” Spotting Logan’s hesitant expression and tense form, he rested a hand on Logan’s shoulder and grinned. “Really, I do. I don’t blame you.”

Logan gave a small, tight-lipped smile in return. Gently shaking Patton’s hand off his shoulder, he clasped his hands together tightly. “Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I’m not too sure.” Patton pursed his lips in thought. “Well, actually. I was wondering if you could tell me the dos and don’ts of ghost hunting. The yays and nays. The cats and dogs-actually no scratch that, both of those would be a yay.”

“With all due respect, Patton, I think Virgil has got that covered.” Logan reassured. “He must have asked me a dozen times prior to his first investigation.”

“Oh yeah, I know. It’s for me.” Patton corrected.

Logan raised an eyebrow in perplexion. Patton had never shown an interest in ghost hunting when Virgil wasn’t to be found.

Patton thought quickly. “I just want to understand more. For when I talk to Virgil. Sometimes I really don’t get half the explanations coming from the kiddo’s mouth.” It wasn’t a lie. “Just…how do you deal with ghosts?

“I see.” Logan clicked his tongue. “I’m sure Virgil could explain it to you more in depth. But, if you’re ever in doubt, chalk it up to one thing: respect. Is what you’re doing respecting the afterlife and their home? Are you portraying common courtesy? Treat them with the same respect as the living, if not more. There are exceptions, as with anything, but for the most part, that should keep you out of trouble with spirits.”

“Respect.” Patton repeated.

“You have strong morals, Patton. If you’re concerned about involvement with the afterlife due to your closeness with Virgil, I would not worry. Lack of respect is the last of your weaknesses.”

Logan pulled out his phone from the back of his pocket. “I apologize, I must return to my work. However, if you or Virgil have any more questions, feel free to give me a call.”

Patton gushed and thanked Logan, jotting down his number. Logan flushed a gentle red and held out his hand for a handshake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Patton.”

Patton swatted Logan’s hand away and brought him in for a hug. “Thank you, Logan.”

Logan awkwardly pat Patton on the back before ungracefully untangling himself from the embrace. “I was only doing my job. Now, I understand it’s none of my business, but I recommend getting some rest. You look exhausted.”

“High school has permanently carved bags under my eyes.” Patton shook his head defeatedly.

Logan gave an amused smirk. “You sounded like Virgil.”

Patton beamed. “Like father, like son!”

Just as Patton was about to turn around to leave the store, something in the corner of the room glistened, catching his eye. “Hey Logan? Just one more thing?”

Logan hummed at him, encouraging Patton to continue.

He pointed to the object at the corner of the room. “How much can I get that for?”

 “Walkie-talkies. I sent you to Logan Berry, one of the smartest, most knowledgeable people about the afterlife in this town, and you come back with a Ghost Buster walkie-talkie.” Virgil grunted, dangling the toy by its antennae.

“You can have the Casper the Ghost one instead.”

“What? No! Ghost Busters is better, anyway.” Virgil groaned. “That’s not the point. How about advice? Did Logan say anything?”

“Just to respect the ghosts. Have common courtesy. Which you better be doing anyway, even without Logan telling you to do so.”

Virgil threw his hands up in exasperation and fell down into his sofa as the cushions engulfed the skinny man. “Obviously I respect them! The last thing I need is coming home possessed and cursed! He knows I know that. That’s really all he said?”

“Besides giving us his number.” Patton confirmed. “Which I already gave you.”

Virgil grumbled. “Whatever. One day I’ll get enough money to- wait. The walkie-talkies. There’s no way you could have bought them with my money, I would not have had enough. Please don’t tell me…”

Virgil got a glance of Patton’s sheepish look and groaned. “Patton, we have a rule! No buying each other anything!” He buried his head in his hands. “I can’t pay you back. You know that.”

“Hey…” Patton took a seat next to Virgil and laid a comforting hand on his knee. “It’s okay. They weren’t expensive. You don’t have to pay me back.”

Virgil looked at Patton in between his fingers. His voice was muffled against his palms. “You know how I feel about that, Pat.”

“Virgil, come on.” Patton pleaded.

Virgil shook his head. “Thank you. But, you need to return them.”

Guilty silence settled among the two, but neither made a move to leave. Both were lost in their own worlds when an idea struck Patton.

He nudged Virgil. “I know a way for you to pay me back without money.” At Virgil’s unimpressed look, he protested, “Seriously! It would mean a lot more to me than whatever these walkie-talkies cost.”

“Yea?” Virgil lifted his head from his hands. “What is it?”

Patton stared at Virgil’s stormy eyes as his heart pounded. In all honesty, this was the last thing Patton wanted to do. He was terrified. But, he thought back to the conversation he had with Remy, and the last time Virgil did something senseless unsupervised due to paranoia. “I want to go ghost hunting with you. At the New Prince Castle.”

Virgil’s jaw dropped. His eyes darted around Patton’s face before he shook his head and gave a weak chuckle. “Sure, Pat. Whatever you say.”

“No, I’m serious!” Patton insisted. “I’ll respect the ghosts and do whatever you tell me to do!”

Virgil was dismissing Patton before he could finish his sentence. “No, no, no. You hate ghost stories, Pat! Especially ones that are spooky and gruesome. You’d hate ghost-hutning. It’s dark and there’s lots of weird noises and tons of spiders. No way. I’m not adding more guilt to my conscience.”

Virgil made a move to get up from the sofa, but Patton refused to let the conversation drop. He grabbed Virgil’s hand and pulled him back to the seat. Virgil landed with a clumsy thump.  

“Kiddo, I know I hate all those things. I’m sure I’ll be scared. But, you’ll be there too! I love you more than I hate all those things combined.”

“Patton, we can do something else together. Go to the movies. Or bowling. Normal teen stuff.” Virgil reasoned.

Patton retorted, “But ghost hunting is important to you.”

“It’s not that important. It’s a simple hobby. I don’t care that much about it.” Virgil cut off.

“I know, I know!” Patton quickly backtracked. “What I meant was that ghost-hunting has been a cool way for us to bond. It intrigues you-a perfectly normal amount-and I like seeing you happy! Just like you go walking with me along the shops by the beach even though it’s super crowded and you hate it.”

“Patton, what’s your point?” Virgil grilled.

“My point is I want to try this thing that you enjoy with you. Just like you try things for me. It’s senior year, Virgil. No one hates thinking about it more than me, but we don’t know what things are going to be like after high school. I want to find a husband, start a family. Maybe study veterinary science. You could have a publisher for your writing, become a famous author, and move. I want to do this with you. I want to get over my fear.”

Patton stared at Virgil hopefully and held out his hand. “What do you say? One more big adventure for the dynamic duo?”

Virgil stared at Patton, looked down and roughly shook his head, froze, then stared at Patton once more. Virgil’s foot rapidly tapped against the floor, creating a dizzy, distracting melody. Finally, Virgil pulled his hair and glared at Patton. “You’ll be careful?”

Patton nodded eagerly.

“And you’ll stick with me no matter what? At all times? I want you in my sight.”

Virgil dramatically groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. “I guess you can come.”

Patton shot up from his seat, whooping with joy and hopping around the sofa. “Thank you, Virgil! Thank you! We’re going to have such a great time!”

Virgil peeked one eye open and gave a soft grin. “Yeah, I guess we are. You’re sure you wanna do this?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life besides my love for you and cats! I pinkie swear it.”

Patton and Virgil intertwined pinkies before Patton winked and let go, embracing Virgil.

“Let your moms know you’re going to be gone for the weekend.” Virgil smirked. “We have a haunted castle to explore.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #deceit sanders #LAMP #CALM #platonic lamp #hurt/comfort #family fluff #fluff #logicality #prinxiety

[stillworthy]

what was mark's life like at school before he was sent to promise? was he popular? how were his grades? did he have any close friends?

funny you should ask // always accepting!

he WAS popular if you define that as the sense that most people liked him! he was in a lot of clubs, most importantly student government (probably also as secretary or sm), any relevant Christian group, fccla, fbla, key club...basically a big dweeb involved in everything which meant that p much everyone at least Knew him? and since it’s mark, anyone in those clubs would’ve liked him or at least respected him (yk, “there goes mark, he’s a good guy” type of thing)

jfksdajf this got long okay hold on

that said my thing w mark and close friends is weird bc like...mark sort of Allows that emotional intimacy with literally everyone he meets -- look at the convo he has w cameron about his sense of purpose, like, that was one of the first convos the two had and he just Didn’t care. so he didn’t really have close friends in the sense that he was closer to them than other people. he did have a few people that like, he hung out with more -- they all went to his dad’s church as well (tho tbh a large population of his high school went there) so they mostly bonded through that. i do think it takes going to promise and getting his worldview expanded for him to get into the mindset he has now, where he does have Close Friends rather than just being friends with everyone. helen and erin were probably some of the first people he would’ve considered properly close friends, actually!

man i’m talking a lot kdfsjf, he got really good grades!! before promise, he got all As with only a little bit of struggling in maths and sciences. he got stuck in promise in his first year of high school, which screwed him over as far as taking Good Classes goes -- the kid is really smart, promise was largely self - taught + very outdated. he blew through all the material there really easily, but when he got back to normal high school (beginning of his third year of high school) he was super behind in classes. that was fine in, say, history, bc his photographic memory meant he just had to read the material and he was okay, plus he’d already been Ahead in topics like that anyways? math and science about kill him the first year he’s back, though. 

since this is just turning into post promise school as well, the first semester back was really bad -- a combination of most people knowing he went to conversion therapy, him trying to manage new medications/mental illness as a whole, and the lack of proper education for over a year means he’s just completely lost. BUT he does get settled back in!! i love him

#laststops #✞⟡✧ LEVI SPEAKS : ❛ YES YOU LOVE MARK WE KNOW ❜ #✞⟡✧ INBOX : ❛ A LOVE YOU’VE NEVER KNOWN ❜ #✞⟡✧ STUDY : ❛ WHAT IF I’VE ALWAYS BEEN GOOD ENOUGH? ❜

[assholemurphy]

holy fuck, god is real (well, i mean, obvs, but he’s been coming thru for me 90% of the time lately and today is one of those times).

so, not only was i able to go to class and get an idea for what i need to do for my full group project (that i have to finish myself, which is what we’re supposed to do), but i was completely apathetic and not even remotely anxious at all, even on two and a half hours of sleep (tho, i did get an hour nap before our company meeting), but i just checked canvas and holy fuck. my paper, that i thought i was going to have to write tonight in like, 2 hours (bc it’s due at midnight) even tho i haven’t slept and haven’t read enough analysis(es?) of the script (hedda gabler, which i read one act of an promptly decided that, nah, i learned the same shit from reading a summary, so it wasn’t worth it to read that much bullshit), and am too tired to even comprehend my own words, let alone a fucking play, is not actually due tonight. it’s due next monday. i can do it over fall break. that means i can fuck around for a little while tonight (even tho i’ve got a p big project, that’s already late, well, half of it is, the other half is due wed) and then get a decent amount of rest for once. i’m just- i got a zero on a big portion of my giant sa project and i missed my intro class today (bc i wanted and extra hour and a half of sleep) but everything else has gone great. absolutely grand, cats. i’ve got an extra week for the paper and i’m gonna get a full 8 hours tonight. i’m so fucking happy.

so, i’m beginning to think things are looking up for me. the tides, they are a turning, and these waters are getting less choppy. if things stay like this for a couple weeks, i should be able to fully get my shit together and start being on top of things. i think it’s gonna be okay, tho, i rly do. i’m gonna use fall break to write a kick ass paper (bc essays are my shit, i’m amazing at them, when i’m not dead tired and trying to write 5 pages in 2 hours, which i can do, but well, it wouldn’t be my best work at all, and i try to have some pride in my writing), get ahead on my acting I monologues, and get my entire life organized via planners, alarms, sticky notes, to do lists, and a binder. i’m gonna get my shit together (i keep repeating this bc every time i say it, i feel more confident that i can) and the rest of the semester isn’t going to be a constant struggle. i’m gonna be on top of shit. i’m going to show the theatre dept that i’m capable of kicking ass and that i’m deserving of respect. i’m going to get everything worked out and sorted and i’m gonna slowly work on my trauma and trusting ppl and being a nice person. i’m never gonna be normal, but i can be functional. i can be stable.

so, i think i’m gonna fuck around on tumblr for a while, maybe, possibly watch the rest of dp2, and then go tf to sleep, wake up rested, and maybe even do my makeup tomorrow. bc rafiki said i look good in earth tones, so i bought earth tones, and i’d like to try them out. like, he’s v honest, so i trust his opinion. he’s not just saying it to placate me. and i do want to be pretty. i want to look nice. and apparently wearing bright ass lipsticks that make me look like i’ve been dining on a box of crayolas scares ppl a bit. i’m a bit tired of scaring ppl, tbh. i just want to look nice and be able to be confident in myself without hiding behind outrageous makeup and clothes. and, if i’m lucky, i might not have to exist on caffeine and semi-legal drugs tomorrow. my friends are busy tonight, so they won’t be over, but i can get some sleep, so i’m okay with it. besides, i always feel like i bother them too much. like, i invite one or both of them over literally every night. literally. i think in the past three weeks i’ve had maybe 4 days where i didn’t spend time with at least one of the victory bros. i mean, if i was bothering them, they’d probs just not come over, but i always worry that i’m too needy and they just come bc they think i’m fragile or some shit and wouldn’t be able to handle being told ‘no.’ i need to talk to them abt it and have them be honest with me (tho, they generally are honest, even when i wish they wouldn’t be) so ik for sure. i’m scared the answer will be ‘yeah, stop bothering us daily, it’s annoying’ but if it it, it is and i’ll deal with it. 

anyway, i’m gonna fuck around, maybe update my planner a bit for the week while i watch dp2, but then i’m going tf to bed. i’ve recently discovered something. if i sleep in my hoodie, then i feel safer, warmer, and more comfortable and therefore feel more rested when i wake up. so, guess who’s sleeping in a hoodie from now on? this bitch. it worked last winter, it seems to be working now, and i’m just gonna keep doing it until it stops working. tho, i do need to wash the hoodie. i could do that tonight, but that’ll take a couple of hours, so i might just wait until tomorrow, since i’ll have hw and therefore will be awake, anyway. if i have enough quarters. i might have to get goldilocks to take me to the laundromat, since they have a change machine and the washers are better than the ones at the apartments, and cheaper. idk, yet.

but, i’mma stop rambling now, i think. i highly doubt any of you cats actually read these long ass bullshit posts, but they make me feel better to write up, so i’mma continue with them. it makes my head quieter to get the words out.

oh! i plan to get the next chap of tal written (or, at least partially written, tho i’m shooting to finish it) during the break, too, so if i’m lucky and don’t just sleep for 4 days straight, it might actually get posted before next mon. fingers crossed.

#iz says stuff #god i'm long winded #concise is my antonym #but i'm trying to remember to tag these a 'long post' #so ppl who don't want to see huge blocks of text don't have to #i'd put it under a read more #but i fucking hate read mores so fucking much #like you don't even know how much i hate them #i'll use them for fics #but i try to avoid using them otherwise bc i just don't like them #it's just a lot of extra effort to read a post that's been read mored and i like to pretend that ppl do read this shit #so ya know #lmk if you /would/ prefer me to use read mores #bc if enough of you want me to #i will #long post

[1800-seungshine]

responsible.

member: bae jinyoung  genre(s): high school!au, hoobae!jinyoung, fluff summary: all the matters regarding bae jinyoung’s grades is now placed in your hand but it seems like it’s not just his grades that you’re going to take responsibility for. (requested - bullet point format) word count: 2.3k 

note: a requested scenario by an anon! i’m so sorry if it’s really lengthy hahah but i really really hope you like it ;; thank you for requesting, once again it means a lot! as well as that, many thanks for the likes, follows and reblogs - words can’t say how much i truly appreciate it, thank you thank you ; ~ ; < 3

all a’s with a rank that never goes below than top five 

you wouldn’t be a member of the student council for no reason

warm, friendly, responsible and hardworking - you’re the definition of being a blessing 

esp to the teachers bc you’re one of those kids who actually help them and not give them a headache (unlike me smh) 

like tbh you’re not the school president 

but somehow people treat you like you are bc why aren’t you the school president??

you’re even more responsible than the school president and your attendance is better 

the votes are rigged!! jk it’s not 

a lot of students know you, not just because of the student council 

but because you’re a really great tutor 

like the greatest 

you could probably take over the teacher’s job bc everyone just comes to you and asks

that’s why the teachers love you so much lmao 

you have so much patience and kindness that you don’t mind getting bombarded by questions and taking your time to teach others

like forget the religion of hwang minhyun 

that doesn’t exist here bc the religion of the “angelic sunbae” does 

yeah you earned that endearment after some random seventh grade kid yelled that out loud when you were in tenth grade and somehow it stuck with you all the way till your last year of high school

now everyone just refers to you as that name 

and that’s how bae jinyoung knew you at first 

“jinyoung-ah. you see that sunbae? she’s the school’s angelic sunbae.” 

jinyoung looks at the direction of his friend’s point, the smile that lights up on your face and the way your eyes crinkle as you laugh with your friends causes his stomach to churn

but this boi isn’t really the brightest so he thinks he ate something 

yeh like his feelings oOHOOHOH 

“angelic sunbae?” jinyoung softly repeats to himself, his eyes never leaving you.  

that of course wasn’t really proven until his grades drastically dropped 

apparently it dropped so much that his teacher deemed it as concerning 

like the boi only went from 98% to 70% - at least he passes look at me i winged an aural test and if i get 50% i’ll be over the moon

but this cute baby did admit he was struggling with the topic they were currently learning despite feeling so insecure confessing it 

so the teacher was like “issok boi, i gotchu.” 

and by that his teacher meant “lemme hit you up with the only student who i know can do this bc im not dealing with your crap” 

idk if your life is all sorted or you just don’t seem to have one but you happily agreed tho bc why the hek not

hence why you enter the school library and start searching for this student

you weren’t really expecting much bc you’re obviously used to helping other people when it comes to academic things 

bUT HOT DAMN THIS CUTE GUY WITH A SMOL ASS HEAD STARTS CHALLENGING YOU INTO STARING COMPETITION 

and bc he was the only person in that area, you assumed that he was the one you were gonna teach

i mean you were prepared to teach him 

didn’t mean you were prepared for the fact that he was really handsome

you walked up to him with an apologetic smile bc even if you came right on time, he still had to wait and you felt guilty for that 

“sorry, were you waiting long? i didn’t know you’d come earlier.”

meanwhile jinyoung’s just staring at you, looking all flustered and cute bc he’s freaking out on the inside 

he just doesn’t know what to do in front of you so he simply shakes his head bc sha sha sha yknow 

so there’s like this five second silence of awkwardness before you flash a smile at him 

and your smile makes him feel alive again like is that even possible when he’s been living the entire time 

“well i’m y/n and i’m going to tutor you from now on but don’t fret, i’m not that strict and as your tutor, i’ll do my hardest to make things easier for you to understand but don’t be shy and speak up if you have issues okay?” 

he’s not really giving you a reply bc he’s just listening to how nice your voice is since it’s really soft and gentle

after all he hears on a daily is daehwi whining and jihoon with his stupid aegyo experiments so your voice is something he could get used to 

but bc he aint answering, you’re just looking at him waiting for a reply and he’s making this entire thing more awkward than it should be so he just nods

apparently for you, that nod is enough to make you feel happy and giddy so your smile widens and he swears that the whole room just became brighter 

“so, do you wanna get started??” 

tIME SKIP WHOOSH WHOOSH BOIS 

okay so you’ve been tutoring for about a few months, three days a week

at first he clearly wasn’t the talker but that was okay

your social skills were as good as the visuals this boi was blessing you 

but bc you were really friendly, he opened up to you pretty quick 

and now he’s just being a little piece of r00d crap 

nowadays he’s treating you like you’re the younger one by patting your head and using his height advantage to tower over you before giving you that damn cheeky smile 

sometimes he even drops honourifics and calls you whatever he feels like

“did you just call me a little kid- ” “no, sunbaenim. i didn’t say that you must have been hearing things.” 

lol who says you were complaining tho, you’re growing fond of him 

but ofc i made you oblivious so you wouldnt really know that you’re not just fond of him, you like him ahah howbowdah 

meanwhile underneath cheeky!jinyoung is filled-with-anxiety!jinyoung who ain’t up for the fact that he could get busted anytime soon 

busted for numerous reasons 

cos for one, he basically knows everything you’re teaching him bc he’s outright smart 

that topic that he confessed he was struggling with? 

yeah that was highkey a lie, he just didn’t want to outright tell the teacher that he binged watch fancams and fan-made videos of pristin’s joo kyulkyung instead of studying for the exam (pls support pristin btw) 

and second, jinyoung may or may not have started liking you 

it was weird bc at first he thought he was just sick

but what sickness includes symptoms of making excuses to see a person, trying their hardest to make that person laugh and being restless at night bc all they to do is think about the person?? 

that’s right folks 

influenza 

i mean,,,

love yeh that

so those marks of his that doesn’t necessarily show improvement?? 

lmao jinyoung purposefully answers them incorrectly to keep his scores down 

bc you tutoring him is the only way he can keep seeing you 

but haha guess what it’s that time of the semester again where he gets more exams 

this time tho you were gonna motivate him even more 

“okay, baejin.” you say to him, pulling out his favourite drink and placing it on the table 

he’s just looking at it with a cheeky grin, “wahh sunbae, i didn’t know you were the type to bribe people.” 

you playfully glare at him but a smile still reaches up to your face a nano-second later 

“i’m not really the type to and it’s actually my first time.” 

jinyoung just grins, his eyes never leaving you as he leans forward on the table, “i must be special then.” 

of course, you roll your eyes bc wow this kid used to be so shy towards you at the start and look at the boldness he has now tsk tsk

“you are special.” 

enter jinyoung’s heart going ‘dugeun dugeun’ (totally making a snl reference) 

jUST KIDDING HIS HEART’S HAVING A HEART ATTACK IT’S DOING BACKFLIPS IN HIS CHEST 

ok ok why am i getting excited i know the ending to this wheezes 

“ever since mr. jung gave me the responsibility to tutor, your grades also falls into my hands,” you begin in a rather serious tone that is immediately contrasted when he sees you grin again, “and whilst there isn’t really noticeable changes onto your results, this test might determine things so i’d like to propose a deal with you.” 

jinyoung simply raises an eyebrow cos he aint taking you seriously after all the silly antics you’ve been showing him for the past few months 

“y’know, this would have been more effective at the start when i actually took you a little more seriously, sunbae.”

“well, i didn’t think of it earlier okay! i’m human too,” you slam your fists on the table gently with a pout, 

srsly not a good idea to be happily stuffing your face with food bc he took a lot of photos of you, reasoning that “you’re just too cute. i can’t help that.” 

“bUT OI- IM NOT DONE YET. LISTEN TO ME.” 

jinyoung just watches you, laughing to himself bc you’re cute when you’re annoyed. “okay, okay i’m listening.”

“right, well if you get at least over 90% for two out of your upcoming exams - regardless of any subject, i’ll reward you by granting your wish.” 

lmao this boi was doing his best to maintain a poker face and not let out that mischievous smile of his bc he’s gonna pass these test with flying colours.

“well what if i don’t get a 90% for my exams?” he questions causing you to think about it. 

“i don’t know, you can be my slave for three months or something. i’ll think of the consequences later but do we have a deal or not?” 

he leans back on his chair, holding his chin almost as if he’s thinking about it thoroughly 

a huge lie cos he’s just damn pretending 

“hmmm, 90% for all exams and you have yourself a deal.” jinyoung says with a confident smile 

you let out a sound of approval, slowly clapping “since when was little jinyoung so confident? are you sure?” 

“of course! so deal?” he extends his hand 

grinning, you take his hand and firmly shake it, “deal.” 

wHOOP WHOOP ANOTHER TIME SKIP COS HAHA WHY NOT. 

you were waiting for him to arrive, casually sipping your favourite drink and his on the table 

once you see him enter the library, you instantly jump out of your seat 

his exams are finished and the results have been finalised, resting in his bag 

but he’s walking towards you with an unreadable expression 

suddenly you’re feeling anxious and worried bc he looks upset and you don’t like seeing him sad 

“baejin...did it not go well...?” 

he’s looking down, not giving a reply and just lets out a sigh 

your heart’s close to breaking bc he must have put so much effort and hardwork into studying 

yet the next thing you know 

there are these exam papers on the table and it certainly aint yours so you look over them

and all his exam papers were all marked with a’s and nothing below 95% 

so now you’re just confused and standing there frozen bc your brain isn’t processing it well 

five seconds later you look up at him, a fist raised in the air bc you were gonna punch this guy for tricking you 

your tears were gonna come out wth this guy srsly

but you see that smile of his, eyes filled with so much joy that you can’t help to forgive him

“yah! i got so scared - i was gonna start crying.” you whine, slapping his arm lightly 

jinyoung just lets out a laugh, ruffling your hair. “sorry, i just wanted to tease you a little.” 

you roll your eyes but still grin, “whatever, weirdo but i guess i have to keep the promise so as a reward, i will grant one of your wishes! have you thought about it yet??” 

he sends you a wide smile before nodding, “yeap.” 

“okay, what is it?” 

“spend a day out with me.” jinyoung says but instantly back pedals by stuttering a little, “i mean - if you want to though. i’m not forcing you or a-anything.” 

you look a him, trying your hardest not to blush and ignoring that slight skipping of your heart. “so, like a date basically?” 

“i-if you want to consider it as a d-date.” 

“okay. it’s a date then.” 

jinyoung just pauses then looks at you with widened eyes, “wait- what?! really? you’d go on a date with me?” 

so now he’s just freaking out mentally and emotionally bc he was expecting a cold-hard rejection 

he even practiced the situation with daehwi 

you’re just laughing, shaking your head in amusement bc this boy can be really cute, “yeah why not? it’s not every day i get asked out by a cute guy.” 

jinyoung with his red ears, blushing cheeks and grin that goes from ear-to-ear feels like celebrating 

he could go on the table and just dance right there and then if he had no self control 

“but can i ask you something?” you stretch your arm to poke his cheek and he immediately nods his head 

“how did you get above 90% for all your exams? i thought you were struggling with these concepts.” 

jinyoung sends you one hell of a mischievous grin and you can sort of tell that something isn’t right, slightly stepping backwards as he begins to explain, “i may or may not have been lying about my low grades...?” 

“oH MY GOD. BAE JINYOUNG - WERE YOU JUST TRICKING ME THE ENTIRE TIME??” 

“ONLY BECAUSE I LIKE YOU! FROM NOW ON, YOU HOLD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY GRADES AND MY HEART.” 

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR IT - i mean it does bUT STILL! COME BACK HERE!” 

and hence to end the day, jinyoung blasts out the library and into the beautiful sunset, laughing away as you start to follow suit and beginning the chasing game.  

#bae jinyoung #jinyoung #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #baejin #jinyoung imagines #jinyoung scenarios #produce 101 #pd101 season 2 #so many words #im so sorry #i hope you like it

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn��t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

#kit being stupid #happy new year #year end 2017

[3inghao]

You can go ahead and rant if you need to. Sometimes getging things off your chest can really help.

(WARNING THIS IS HIGHKEY NEGATIVE AS SHIZ) Idk I just am having a really hard time in my chem class..like it goes soooooo fast and I didn’t do too hot on the first exam so like I need to get a good grade on the exam this week. And like ALL I do is study istg I wake up, go to classes, study, go to bed. Every single fricken day and I still don’t do well in chem even tho I’m putting so much into it. And I need to get at least a B+ in the class overall because I lose all my scholarships if I don’t maintain a 3.5 GPA and like bruh it’s first semester of freshman year I don’t want to lose my scholarships at the beginning !!! It’s so much pressure like sooooo much and I also just like don’t like being in Nebraska. Like I actually hate it so much for so many reasons and it just stresses me out bc I haven’t really made many friends and I just want gay or trans friends but specifically trans friends bc I don’t have anybody and just kind of feel alone but there’s like no one here and not really a good way for me to find other trans people (there’s not even like a trans support group here there’s nothing). And honestly I haven’t even figured my gender out all the way yet and I just KNOW that i can’t do that while I’m in this god awful place called the Midwest unless I’m around a good group of trans people..but like I’m alone and I’m confused and I’m struggling. So like I’m literally thinking about transferring schools lowkey to the one my gf is going to but that just presents me with even another set of stressful things bc like what if I don’t get it? And like I couldn’t afford it last year and what if it’s still too much for me to afford? But like is it worth the cost? I’m going to college almost free in nebraksa so do I just stick it out here for the rest of the four years even tho I’m miserable. And my parents will be sooooo pissed if I give up the scholarships I have for Nebraska. But like after the four years no matter what I’m gonna move to Seattle where my gf is but like what if I can’t even get a job there bc so many of the opportunities in Seattle are going to be advertised at the college in Seattle not at fricken Nebraska. I’m just stressed about so many things..I hate myself ohmygod

#I'll take any advice I can get I'm so pessimistic ugh #thanks for listening anon lol #I hope you're having a better day then me #💫

[pinkpeccary]

tldr: i have a philosophy assignment to work with a partner to lead a discussion on Janet Halley’s  “The Move to Affirmative Consent”, a piece that i think is well argued and articulates a lot of things about the movement that i struggle with, as well as going into why radfem influences in this are dangerous and conservative, specifically in the legal context. my partner has opposing opinions to mine which i don’t want to deal with because they feel like they come from a place of emotionally charged kneejerk reaction rather than actually considering the argument. (i might be being harsh here, idk i’m tired and annoyed). 

under readmore bc it got long enough i don’t want to make people scroll

in my philosophy class we got paired up at the beginning of the semester to do a seminar presentation, meaning each pair picked one of the readings to research and present on during the day we were discussing it in class. my partner picked Janet Halley’s “The Move to Affirmative Consent” and i didn’t really have a preference so that’s what we ended up with.

i like this piece a lot. the main argument is basically that the push for affirmative consent policies is coming from the radfem desire for social control through punishment by reducing the definition of consent to the subjective concept of “desire” or “unwantedness”, which is pretty much impossible to gauge in a court of law, and that parts of the definition given by the California laws specifically are heading dangerously close to the realm of “guilty until proven innocent.” Halley is a legal scholar, and as such is approaching this issue from a legal standpoint, questioning the desire to make the law the decider of what is consent especially when the definitions given can be interpreted in so many different ways and the concept of unwantedness alone is too subjective to be used as the sole basis for legal proceedings.*

i do get that this is a hot-button issue. parts of her argument really are her saying “these policies make it easier for men* to get convicted of crimes they didn’t commit” which is easy to misinterpret as “we need to protect poor innocent rapists whose lives will be ruined by these accusations”. but really what’s going on is she’s saying it’s not okay to set a legal precedent for putting the burden of persuasion on the defendant, and that the push for it is not out of genuine goodwill but comes from the radfem belief that because of the patriarchy if a woman ever has sex with a man it’s coerced by societal norms and therefore all men who have sex with women are evil rapists. (she does a much better job of arguing this than i am in summarizing it)

anyways. i skimmed this piece a month or two ago to get a sense for it leading up to the presentation and my initial response was “cool, this seems like good thoughts? would have to read more in-depth tho.” then i ignored it for a while. but tuesday is our presentation day, so we decided to meet up to work on it today. so i did a very close reading of it while waiting for my partner to tell me when she was free, and realized that i really do agree with most of what she’s arguing, and that she’s putting into words a lot of things i’ve struggled to express about my feelings towards consent***

so i came out of this thinking, “great! i can talk about this!” but we need to give a critical response, which includes both what we found compelling and what we disagree with (or why we don’t disagree with anything). so i started trying to come up with something to disagree with, but the problem was at that point any potential counterclaims i could come up with were too easy for me to rebut.

then my partner arrived 30 minutes late, and first off: clearly had not read the entire piece. which was annoying. but she had opinions about it. and she found opinions about it on reddit. and her opinions were very counter to mine. 

basically, she was upset that Halley was criticizing affirmative consent because it’s such an important thing. we have to have a practical connection to some sort of event or something that we analyze through the lens of the piece, and her suggestion was “maybe we could find an example of a case where affirmative consent was necessary, to show she’s wrong about it”. at one point i brought up the bit about how since consent is defined so loosely and subjectively it often comes down to he-said-she-said, and it’s problematic to put the burden of persuasion on either party, and she said it was better to have the law set up to be manipulated against the accused rather than the victims because “women wouldn’t do that.” and the big one that really bugged me is she said something about “why is this even a conversation we need to be having” because obviously this isn’t relevant in the current social climate because the issue is too much sexual assault going unchecked (when actually that’s precisely why it’s a conversation that’s happening, she’s saying that affirmative consent as a response to that issue is problematic in its current implementation from a legal standpoint and we should maybe talk about that but yknow whatever)

and this is not a fight i want to get into. i don’t like confrontation and i especially don’t like confrontation where i’m on the side that doesn’t have the fun buzzwords that make people side with you regardless. and i have no idea how the rest of my class feels and my school is small enough that i don’t want to rock the boat too hard and it’s just. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

like i wish so hard that i had a partner who agreed with me because i would love to talk about this piece i have a lot of feelings about it. but i’m having to compromise my feelings about it with her opposite feelings about it and pretend to be much more neutral than i am which, also, is likely going to lead to the fun unintended side effect of me being more defensive of the piece than i should be. it’s not flawless. but i know that if i have to lead a discussion in which we pick apart all the terrible evil things she says about defendants have rights and how dare we not immediately believe an allegation of sexual assault immediately no questions asked in a court of law, i’m going to start getting a lot less willing to acknowledge those flaws.

* i’m not summarizing it super well but that’s the gist of it

** the piece is responding to the typical narrative of male perpetrator and female victim, so throughout the piece the genders of each party is indicated as such. 

*** this is a whole nother post that i might have already talked about but basically the big thing is i’m super uncomfy with the definition of consent at my school specifically including the phrase “enthusiastic yes” because i am neutral towards a lot of things and have a complicated relationship with attracted and if my partner (sexual partner not project partner) wants to do something and i’m fine either way than if i agree unenthusiastically it’s still consent and to claim otherwise is to push me towards performing enthusiasm i don’t have and subsequently questioning whether or not i’m actually consenting bc it feels fake; anyways she doesn’t go into that specifically but it relates a lot to what she’s saying throughout

#assault cw #philosophy #ollie talks #late at night #pp

[mstrangebird]

2017 wrapped up (a compilation of very long messed up stories)

2017 was a thing.

The truth is... I felt like doing shit the whole year. I’m sorry to myself. I was like floating and doing nothing and having no goals and super confused.

But, I learned something too.

And I experienced something new.

CHOIR LIFE// 2017 was kinda huge to my choir life. Since the first time that I did this wrapped up in 2015 to 2016, I always talked about choir bcs y’know, this surely was a part of me. I was always there since the first time I entered college life back in 2014. But in this year, it was different; a whole new different level. I was a coordinator or simply call it “leader” of a group (a division) and of course, the responsibility was higher and bigger than before. I might be also a coordinator last year but it was just for an event not a whole organization. So, yeah, it was new for me. I got this work plan and also needed to lead my staff so they would land safely at the end of year –Musang, which is Musyawarah Anggota, it is like a meeting in the end of term and an annual report should be made in order to be presented in front of the audiences. The thing is... I think I DID GOOD. Man, I’m serious by the term good. But yeah, dunno, but serious. That Musang thingy, Thank God, I could pass it. Thank you to you my hilarious staff, Amel, Ovi, Tami and Tasya. You guys were doing amazing and I’m proud of it. I’m so happy to work with you. I was a single fighter bcs you were all my juniors that hadn’t been in this division before but you were helpful. Once again, thank you. Next, I only joined one competition in this year (there should be 2) bcs y’know financial problem but I was okay tho bcs I felt like the atmosphere was already different and to be honest, I didn’t really like. For the competition I joined, two of my close friends didn’t join and that was breaking my heart bcs I felt like all alone but Thank God, there were still some other friends that I could lean on. What did I feel back in September? I felt awful. It was awful. We came to the phase where we didn’t get what we wanted, like in 2015. It was whoah, I can’t handle the sadness. It was like getting a very serious broken heart. I cried a lot that time. But yeah, we also learned that everything needs hard works, and maybe for that time, we didn’t work that hard; we didn’t put the souls in every move we took; we didn’t mean every struggle we did. Then, in this organization, us the people in it, didn’t get along fast. But surprisingly, in the end, we are fine. Well you know, everything needs time. By the way, I was really touched by my own staff that suddenly came to me when Musang ended and they cried. I never thought that I would get so much affection from them. Again, it was heart-warming and so new to me. Thank you for the love you give, I am so happy. Ah, I should not forget about this one: Thank you to my CLASSYFOURTEEN for being the reason I stay and struggle—you guys mean so much to me, it’s been a honor to work with you, smartass people. Last, thank you, Vocalista Paradisso. Bcs of you, I learned a lot about organization life, about facing different kind of person. I’m grateful to be part of you. WE HAD ACHIEVED MORE!

COLLEGE LIFE// First, let me laugh at myself. HAH! Okay, let’s continue, shall we? This year, there was only 1 semester that I should attend formally, which was the 6th one. It was maybe started in February and ended around June or July, I forget. AND THAT WAS THE HARDEST SEMESTER IN MY LIFE. I still remember every day and every month how real the struggle was. Doing the Seminar HI project was the craziest point in my life. I spent so much energy and time—also, my sanity was being tested too. I was lack of sleep. I lose my appetite. I spent too many hours in coffee shop—i drank 2-3 cups a day. I even sometimes didn’t attend the class just because I hadn’t done the task yet. Everything felt like in a rush. Moreover, the other subjects were just alike. All the debates, the simulation, the paper, the presentation, oh man, the bag under my eyes were truly getting darker. But thank God, I made it to the next semester. The journey was hahahahah I don’t know what to say. But I am so glad that I could pass it and even I got compliment on my Seminar HI proposal. The only thing that I care in this semester was I AM FINE. I AM STILL FINE. Next on the 7th semester. There was no formal class. I only took skripsi or thesis and KKN or student community service. The truth is... I was wasting my time with sleeping, playing phone and hanging out. Ah also rehearsing for the competition. My skripsi is a big ZERO. So yeah, I won’t talk about it. Well, I don’t want it too. Too sensitive. Then, there was a time when me and my friends were busy about KKN thingy like registering and meeting with other gals, but yeah. We did the survey to the location like few times. I was scared with KKN just by the idea of it. if you read the former post in this blog, the you will know how scared I was. Some bad thoughts just came to my head and made me don’t wanna go. Everytime I talked about this with friends, all the things that came out from my mouth was ranting and whining. My mind seemed to wonder too much and yeah SURPRISINGLY, IT WENT WELL. MOREEEE THAN I EXPECTED IT. I enjoyed it every single day. At the beginning, I kinda lose my appetite but then in like 3 days, it went back. HAHA. I was so happy you know. I met some kids in kindergarten and they were amazing. There was this introvert boy that at first he didn’t want me to get closer but time flied... he was the one who came to me, sat near me and suddenly took my hand. It was so cute you know. And then, the other boy that was so clingy but the laugh was so heart-warming. Gosh. It was a really something new to me. I usually hate kids but for this one, I could make exception. Helping to teach in this kindergarten was such a memorable experience. Then, working together with 9 other guys was a thing too. We lived in one house. We ate breakfast, lunch, dinner together. Even, we cooked! We shared bedroom and bathroom. We did the prayer together. We worked on our work plan together. We laughed together. We went to beach together. Luckily, I got some amazing friends in this group. That is what made the KKN so light and meaningful. Ah yeah, even, we did a senam what is in english, gymnastic? Whatever. Some friends made my ears were familiar to some dangdut song. Shout out to my KKN friends: Shasha, Riqqah, Rachel, Afe, Udin, Irvan, Panji, Syukkron and Sugi. You guys are like family! Thank you for everything, for every single day that we spent! I will always miss the jokes tho. HAHA. This surely would be one of my favourites.// the thing is my college life is a mess. You can conclude it just by reading it. But hey, it’s happy kind of mess. I don’t regret it, even a little part of it. This is the path that I took and I hope that I could do better in 2018. Amen.

FRIENDSHIP LIFE// My 2017 would never be the same if I didn’t have that CLASSYFOURTEEN by my side. This groupie actually is the member of VP 2014. I don’t know but maybe we all have grown up and surprisingly, there is no gang. If we hang out then we hang out together. Like I said, they were the reason to stay in VP and also the reason to hang on till the end of term. They are funny, dirty, smart, and having the very good sense of humor. You can’t ask more because they are just a complete package. To you: Amel, Stella, Shasha, Kezia, Andre, Septi, Viki, Yosgal, Agustin you guys were making my last year in VP colorful. And to you my roomate Dian, ah yeah Febri&Izan, even you were kinda rare to come to the rehearsal, but when you did, it was also giving the new color in our friendship. YOU GUYS ROCK! In 2018, things might be different. We wouldn’t meet regularly like usual. But, I hope we could still hang out together, spend the time at McD together. Thank you guys! Keep the friendship closer and the gang strongert than ever. I love you./ And then, to my college sweethearts, Riqqah, Rachel, and Kiki. I don’t know anymore. All the spirit that you gave meant so much to me. All the tasks were done it was also bcs of your help. I’m so glad that we finally could have this sleepover even it wasn’t unplanned but it was fun, for sure. Riqqah&Rachel... thank you for agreeing to join the KKN team with me. I don’t know any more if there was no you guys. Rachel, my teaching partner in kindergarten, I’m so glad that I know you deeper and better. And Riqqah... the one who knows the good and bad of my story. Thank you for the sleepless nights at McD, pointless conversation about trashy thing, serious talk about current politics situation (and our life too), the hangouts, and everything that I couldn’t remember. But surely, it was soooo good, having a friend that I can talk anything to. GUYS, thank you so much. Every time I write this flashback kind of thing, there are you guys, bcs there is no way that I didn’t mention you. Let’s stay and continue saving each other’s ass. Our final journey has begun. I love you!/ To my boarding house mates, Cicil, Samantha, Feni, and Desi with Rere that moved out, I am sooooo happy to have friends like you. I still remember the surprise you gave for my birthday, and I will always remember that. I’m so glad that I finally could hang out with you to Carrefour near our boarding house. And also, I’m glad that I could spend the day with Samantha. You guys are good mates and neighbours. So Much Love!/ Disa Khasbiya, my highschool friends till now. I AM SUPER GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU AS MY FRIEND. The typography, the conversation, the little hangout. When I was so down, you were just there and listening to me. When I just accomplished or finished thing that burdened me, you always appreciate it. You always managed time to hang out with me whenever you went home for holiday (unplanned one, even), and for that I appreciated it sooooo much. Gosh. Let’s continue this friendship till we turn grey. Loooooooovelovelove!/ 2017 was yeah a good year for me and my high school friends. At the beginning of year, my birthday actually, I could meet up with Lyna, Oca, Nindy, Ira and have some talks there. Then, I had yeah few times hangout with Disa, also with Oca to some coffee shops. They’re still the same. Oca is still abnormal like usual. Ah yeah, also meeting up with Acha, Ellen, Shella, Disa, Vania, Intan a.k.a cwendol few days before the 2017 ended. It was a sudden plan but we made it. They were just like yesterday in high school. Last, going to Delart 12 with Ira and Dini, we went to coffee shop afterward and there was also Disa joined us. Another fun meeting, eh. I’m so grateful. This was like my hope in the beginning of 2017 that I could at least meet and still be friend with them. And God is always good. Thank you so much./ After all this happy things that I mentioned above, there is this thing that bothers my mind. There is something changing between me and someone used to be with me. How can someone that used to be our rock star becomes someone we don’t know? How can someone change so much till I can’t even recognize? We both used to be a team, partner in crime but suddenly that someone just left... now? We don’t even say hello. It is so weird. And a bit hurt too. What have changed you? What things that you can’t tell? What was happening? What IS happening? To you, if you happen to read this, if you do not explain, then I will not know and understand. I know you are weird, that’s why we became friends at the first place. Not like this, dude... now, there’s so much hatred in my head till it wants to explode. Just tell... I’ll just understand your choice, I’ll move to another step, forgetting. You know me so much that I have friend issue back there. What a shame that you just did the same. Well, the thing that I learned from this one is... people fucking change and sometimes too far. You can’t even chase. People come and go... it could happen to anyone even it’s someone who used to be your partner. Maybe after all, we need to not care too much because it’s possible to make you’re hurt too far.

ABOUT ME// and what about me? The answer is I don’t know too. I can’t recognize anything new from myself... deep within. I am still Ila back in 2016. Even, worse. I tried to apply for a job, well, i didn’t pass the test. Well, I spent too much time listening to Spotify and watching YouTube videos (i ever mentioned on my post before about it). I didn’t read (little fact: maybe I just read 2 books this year). I watched movie in cinema few times, maybe something that I’m proud of bcs there is a progress. And for music discovery... I am the winner! Thank you to Spotify and Lindsey Rempalski (lindseyrem on YouTube) for all the good thing. I listened to many pop, rock, alternative, indie, kind of genre this year. So many bands that I can’t mention. I also enjoyed some local musicians. Lana Del Rey with her new album is blessing me (she’s also my top artist on my Spotify Wrapped). I went to a music event once this year, came to see Payung Teduh and Sheila on 7.

People still see as a happy person. I like that. I hope this is good because that’s the only thing that I can do. Happiness is the only thing that can give to people around me. I believe, we all have the dark part, the problems, the demon inside our heart... if you want to talk about this with me, you need a whole day (well, i whine a lot here, so yeah just track down then you’ll know how annoying my whine is) but... let’s focus on other things... the world is already cruel, the people around us is having their own problems, so why spreading the negativity if you can spread the positivity? They already have a bad day, let’s just cheer them and bring the smile back on the face. Maybe, this is the only good thing that I do this year, eh... but still... Thank You.

My sister got married. I was so sad. I still am. Another new experience happened to me. I can’t describe the feeling bcs it is just too much. It’s like I’m gonna be on my own. 2018 surely is gonna be different and challenging, I guess. Well, congratulations on your wedding, Sis! The only thing that I could do is praying for you to always have a happy life. Thank you so much for being a very good sister all this time. I know I am such an asshole but actually I love you so much.

2017 taught me about “Jalani aja dulu” (maybe “Just Go Ahead” in english). I let things flow. This thing led me to failure, heartbroken, grateful events, new experiences, loss, happiness, and other things. I didn’t have any exact plans, so it drove me to this kind of random and messy situation. I had goals to get achieved, but it was all just bullshit. I wrote down everything that I wanted to do this year, but it turned out to be another hell of shit.

I was so unmotivated in 2017. I didn’t even write properly.

Maybe that’s the problem... I was too comfortable about the concept of let it flow and just go ahead, whatever happens, we think about it later. I’m never in this place before. My vision was dark and my thought was driving nowhere.

Maybe I should change too... I should start to care about my future. I should find things that make me want to keep moving forward.

2017, you were shit.

I felt the happiness. I felt the fun. I felt the heart-warm. I was so happy when I’m with my friends. I kinda could do anything with my friends there. But... I still feel like this. I still feel something is not right in my heart. I still feel like I’m not enough. Sometimes, I feel sad without having reasons. Sometimes, knowing people’s story makes me want to die. I feel so small HAHAHA 

Im so screwed.

To you, my ownself, Miladiyah, try harder in 2018, would you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018.

#happy new year #2017 #2018 #story #wrapped up #writing by miladiyah