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runnning-outof-time · 4 months

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Congratulations, I adore your story!!

Could you please do 23 with angst and then fluff? Thank you so much I appreciate it!💕

Thanks so much for sending this in, anon! I’m so happy you like my stories! I decided to go with Tommy for the character and chose “I don’t want to go.” for the prompt because it was the 5 word #23. I hope you don’t mind that. Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Part of my 3.5k Celebration — find more stories here!

To Keep You Safe

Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: season 4 spoilers (like right from the jump), language

Word Count: 1042

Summary: (Y/N) and Tommy discuss the decision to have her go into hiding while the war with the Changrettas rages on.

Things were heating up in the vendetta between the Shelbys and the Changrettas. What both sides thought would be a quick battle had now turned into a full-on war. And after Luca managed to get to Michael in his hospital bed and try to get him to switch sides, Tommy was convinced that no one was safe.

He called a family meeting. He arranged it in the morning and it was set for that evening. The air in the room was so thick with tension that you could practically cut it with a knife. (Y/N) noted that they were currently in the midst of a thunderstorm, which she had a feeling was foreshadowing for what was to be talked about.

And oh boy was she right. Things were quiet between her and Tommy that night. Neither of the two spoke a word to the other before they both went to sleep.

(Y/N) didn’t really sleep much though. No matter how many times she wished it wouldn’t, tomorrow still came.

Soon enough, there was a man in a car sitting outside their Watery Lane home.

“I don’t want to go,” (Y/N) huffed as she crossed her arms. She was aware of how much she sounded like their three year old daughter, but she quite frankly didn’t care.

“You have to, love,” Tommy insisted, not wanting this to turn into something bigger than it had to be.

“Why?” she asked, her one eyebrow quirking upward.

“Don’t fucking start…” he trailed off with a sigh.

“You owe me a reason, Thomas. I’m not just going to be shipped off into the fucking wilderness for no fucking reason,” she harped on, sharing her feelings about the decision that had been made — essentially without her consent — the night prior.

“You know why,” he told her, insisting it was common sense.

“Enlighten me anyway,” she shrugged.

“(Y/N).”

“Tommy.”

“It’s to keep you safe!” he finally came out with it, his voice raising as his eyes went wide, showing the frustration and stress he was currently under. “It’s to keep you fucking safe.”

(Y/N) was taken back by his outburst, but she really should have expected it. She was poking a bear; a powder keg that was bound to explode sooner or later. “You’re keeping me safe here, though. And besides, it was agreed between the both of you: no civilians. No women or children,” she pointed out in a softer voice, recalling the rules of the vendetta that he’d told her a few weeks prior.

“Yeah, I know that was agreed upon,” Tommy started, nodding as a sigh escaped his lips, “but with how things are going…we need to expect everything. And I can’t have you get taken by him or his men as a way to get me. So I need you to go. Just for a little while.”

Silence fell between them as she took a minute to think things over. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Tommy’s side while all of this was going on.

“I don’t want to leave you, Tommy,” was the next thing she said. She couldn’t get through the sentence without choking up, tears brimming up in her eyelids.

Tommy exhaled a breath before he closed the short distance between them, taking her into his arms just as her body began to shake from her sobs. “It’ll just be a little while, love,” he spoke in a soft voice, his chin rested on the top of her head as he rubbed her back in a comforting manner.

They stood like that for a few minutes. (Y/N) had no shame in crying into her husband’s suit coat. She didn’t want to let him go and leave because she was afraid that this would be the last time she’d see him.

“Hey, the car’s waiting outside,” Tommy was the one to speak first. He loosened his hold on her as he did, moving his hands to her shoulders so that he could bring her out at arms length.

“I know,” (Y/N) nodded, sniffling as she wiped her tears away. “I’ll miss you, Tommy,” she added then, looking at him with watery eyes.

“I’ll miss you too, love,” he responded without a second thought, raising one hand to run it down her cheek.

“Make sure you go visit the kids for me…or at least send Pol or someone if you think it’s too risky,” she added, thinking of her children who were currently residing at her parents’ home.

“I will,” he assured her with a nod.

(Y/N) took a moment to look at her husband then, making sure she could commit every part of him to memory. She didn’t know when she’d see him next. Her bottom lip began to quiver as that thought stuck in her mind.

“It’s just a little while,” Tommy repeated what he’d said to her before.

“I know,” she nodded, holding back the tears. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he repeated the phrase, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. (Y/N) held him there, making their embrace as long as it could possibly be. But eventually she had to pull away, and as she did, she finally decided it was time. “I should go.”

“I’ll come get you when this is finished,” he promised her, their eyes locked as he spoke.

“Just stay alive,” she said to him, sending one last smile her way before they finally broke their embrace so that she could grab her things.

Tommy ushered her outside and made sure she got into the vehicle. He then gave the driver and his accomplice strict instructions on what to do. After sending one last smile to (Y/N), he let them go and headed back inside.

He took two steps away from the door and placed his hands onto the side table sitting there so that he could brace himself as he leaned back against it. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, his family flashing in his mind. Then he released the breath he’d been holding and stared straight ahead. This vendetta would be finished soon, and he’d make damn sure of it.

**tags are in a reblog, so that hopefully the notification gets sent

MASTERLIST

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby x you #tommy shelby blurb #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders x you #peaky blinders blurb #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #k’s 3.5k celebration

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vcnillazelda · 1 year

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fireworks

simon riley x reader

summary: simon’s scared of fireworks.

tags: ptsd, emotional hurt/comfort, gun warning, reader almost gets shot but not really, implied past trauma, simon’s a mess, ending kinda sucks but i just wanted to get this out </3

✞———————❖———————✞

bang. it’s all you’ve been hearing for the last hour. constant banging and flashing lights and flickers outside your apartment window. you were higher up in the complex, so any lit fireworks would end up right next to you. simon wasn’t here, well, he was, but you couldn’t find him and you were worried. you’ve checked every room, every nook, every cranny; even under your own bed for your boyfriend, but nothing came up. you were more stressed over his mental state, with him coming from a distressing background as well as being a soldier. you wished that you two had stayed at his place instead, but it was hours out from where you both were and the two of you had already settled down earlier in the week. plus, your apartment was closer to the rest of the task force compared to his quiet cabin in the woods, and they’d want both you and simon to visit often for ‘family dinners’ as johnny liked to call them. it was genuinely an excuse for them to meet up outside of work but you went along with it anyway for simon’s sanity and social meter.

speaking of the man, you had checked high and low. he was 6’4, so there weren’t many hiding places he could have in your small apartment. his keys were still in their usual spot near the door and his combat boots were tucked away neatly so he couldn’t of gone out. you’ve tried ringing his cellphone but it must be off and now you’re sat on the couch completely stressed and on the brink of tears worried sick about him. a sudden idea hits you just as another big firework pops and although it’s stupid you go through with it anyway. you walk through to your shared bedroom and over to the closet, it wasn’t very big but if simon really tried he could squeeze himself in there.

slowly, you pull the door open, and a gun raises to your chest. you tense, freezing and carefully showing simon your palms. there he was, like a terrified child, curled into himself and clutching his pistol like it was a lifeline; brown eyes as wide as saucers as he stares at you. “there you are… don’t worry, it’s just me. i didn’t mean to scare you.” his eyes soften and he lets out a shuddery breath of realisation that he almost shot you. “i’ve been worried sick looking for you.” you explain, carefully pushing his gun to the side until it hit the wall of the tiny closet. simon clicks the safety into place and drops it, engulfing you into a tight hug. simon wasn’t all that clingy as a lover, if you excused the light touches, grabs and the way he’d linger in your personal space when he wanted attention; but it was rare that he’d fully initiate any hugs. they made him a bit uncomfortable sometimes, but he couldn’t get enough of you and the way your body warmed his up, the way your arms squeezed him reassuringly.

you pull his head to your chest, kissing his head gently as simon lets out a shuddery exhale, clinging to you as if he wasn’t twice your size. “relax, si’. it’s just noise. nothings gonna hurt you, i promise.” you whisper to him, and he flinches as another firework goes off. “i’m sorry.” he mumbles, squeezing you tightly. his voice is weak and he feels pathetic but you simply run your fingers through his hair and hush him. “don’t be. you’ve got every right to be afraid. i used to be afraid of thunderstorms.” you admit and simon let’s out a dry chuckle. “i also was afraid of the dark until i met you. when we first shared a bed i was clinging to you like a damn koala because i was so afraid, and i didn’t want to admit it, but as time went on i knew you’d protect me, so it’s not too bad anymore.” you mumble, your voice soft and sickly sweet. simon’s heart flutters. he buries his face into your neck as multiple fireworks are set off in a chain, and you squeeze him gently, rubbing soothing circles upon his back. “it’s just noise…” you repeat, carefully rocking with him to try and soothe him completely.

simon loosens his grip on you a little, and you practically let go of him as he pulls away, cupping his face with your hands. he still looked stressed, but he looked better. “thanks, doll.” he mumbles, and you peck his lips gently. “it’s okay. nothings gonna hurt you.” you assure him, brushing the pads of your thumbs over his perfect cheekbones. simon hums against you, hands grasping your waist on instinct. he chases your lips when you pull away, giving you a few more short kisses before pulling away as well. you smile. “do you want to lie down?” you ask, standing with him. simon gets up on shaky knees and hums. “not yet…” he mutters, and you nod, bringing him to the couch instead. he’s jumpy and flinches every time a firework is let off, the ones that screech get him the worst and you can’t help but feel bad as his trembling hands grasps yours. “sit here. i’ll make you some hot chocolate to make you feel better.” simon sits down, but grabs your hips so you’re stood in front of him. “don’t go.” he mumbles, lip trembling slightly. “i’m not going anywhere, okay? i’ll just be over there.” you point to the kitchen, luckily your apartment was open planned.

simon hesitates, but lets you go, honey brown eyes watching you walk to the counter and prepare two mugs of hot cocoa. you seem fluent in the motion, pouring the kettle and adding a dash of milk into each so it was smooth. you add some marshmallows to both, as was tradition when one of you was upset, and head back over to simon. he accepts the warm cup in his cold hands and you can see the tears threatening to spill over his waterline. “oh simon.” you mumble, leaning against him carefully. the pressure against his side helps him calm down, and he clutches the mug so tightly you’re convinced the ceramic might break. another loud firework crackles through the night and simon flinches, dead ducking instinctively. you, balancing your mug upon your leg, give him a side hug; rubbing his side gently. simon lets out a shuddery breath, clearly trying to calm himself down as you lean your cheek against his shoulder, legs crossed. you don’t say anything, and you don’t have to, your presence is enough to soothe him.

“i’m sorry.” simon mumbles, voice broken. “don’t be. everyone’s got a phobia, love.” you respond, kissing his shoulder. “it’s not even a phobia, it’s just…. overwhelming, i can’t stop thinking about him and my job and it’s just… it’s too much.” you know simon hates talking about his father, but you know everything he’s been through and it makes your heart ache. “simon, i promise you that man will never get near you ever again.” you mumble, squeezing him gently. “thank you.” he replies, leaning into you. you have to be careful with simon when he’s overwhelmed, he’s always on the verge of shutting down, so you have to be patient and quiet. you sip your hot chocolate as simon sits and stares, and you’re scared he’s completely shut down. “speak to me, si’.” you whisper, running your spare hand down his back. “i’m scared.” he hates admitting it, but it’s better than nothing. “i know.” you reply, voice gentle and soft. “i just.. i hate this. i hate feeling like this.” simon adds on, and you nod. “i know, simon. it’s getting late so they’ll probably stop soon.”

simon hums, and you fall quiet, observing him. he’s hunched, trying to make himself small and it pains you to know he’s reliving the time at his childhood home. “you’re not there, simon. he’s nowhere near you. if he ever walked through that door i wont hesitate to swing. you’re completely safe.” your comment on fighting his father makes him chuckle, and you double down. “hey, don’t laugh. johnny’s taught me some techniques so i could definitely take him.” you puff out your chest and simon glances at you, seemingly more relaxed. he laughs gently at your attempt at looking tough and leans over, gently kissing you sweetly. “thank you, love.” he mumbles against your lips, you smile. breaking away from the kiss, you gently kiss his cheek. “don’t know what i did in a past life to deserve you.” he mutters, and you hum. “you’re a good man, simon.” your reply makes him glance away, and he nods slowly. “sure.” he isn’t sure of it; but you double down with some sweet words and a soft kiss. “drink your hot chocolate, before it gets cold.” you scold, and he chuckles.

the two of you sit and you decide to distract simon with gossip from your workplace. he still flinches with every firework, but you’re helping him and he focuses on every word, absorbing all the information that he wouldn’t need in his line of work. lord knows he’d gossip to johnny about it. (“did i tell you about my lady’s workplace? yeah jenny’s done something now.”). you didn’t care, it wasn’t confidential, you worked at a coffee shop where the two of you had met. simon shakes himself from his thoughts and focuses on you, listening to the way you described the situation. “sounds rough.” he states, voice quiet as you hum. “yeah, if it were up to me i’d fire him but i cant.” you puff out your cheeks; pouting a little. “i’m sure it’ll all solve itself.” simon mumbles, callused fingers gently stroking your cheek. you lean into his touch, and you hum. “i hope so.” you reply, sipping your drink. at this point, you were both relaxed, simon was sat back and you were leaning against the arm of the chair, legs in his lap.

his hand idly strokes your outer thigh, it’s a harmless habit that neither of you mind. “you should stop by sometime, if it’s not too overwhelming. i know you don’t like crowds, but it would be nice to sit with you. it’s relatively quiet these days, anyway, if you take away rush hour where every man on the world wants his shot of caffeine before work.” your joke makes simon chuckle, yet he nods. “that sounds good. maybe i’ll bring johnny ‘round. he’s been begging to visit.” you smile and nod. “that would be nice, maybe bring some others too if you’re comfortable with it.” simon thinks for a moment, humming. “yeah, kyle and price might tag along. the both of them like coffee shops so it won’t be too hard to convince them, either.”

“sounds good. i’ll be sure to reserve a table.” you joke, and simon laughs a little. “be sure to have cakes in stock, johnny’s bad with snacks.” simon warns and you nod. “we have plenty, he’ll be fine.” you reply, and he hums. “good. don’t say i didn’t warn you.” simon smiles and you smile back. “you feeling any better?” you ask, hand grasping his. “yeah, much better.” he nods, having finished his drink when you were talking. the fireworks had gone quiet since you started gossiping, and neither of you had noticed. “seems we’re in the clear. wanna spend some time before going to bed?” you ask, and simon nods. he normally needed a lot of time before going to bed on rough days like this. “alright. do you want a refill?” you pull your legs from his lap, getting up. “if you don’t mind, love.” simon responds as you take his mug. “of course not.” you reply, kissing his lips gently before parting to the kitchen. his eyes follow you and he smiles to himself. you make two new fresh drinks and head back, gently running your palm over his cheek after he accepts his mug from you. “thanks, darling.” he mumbles, pecking your cheek softly as you settle down next to him. “no problem. we can put the tv on as background noise.” you state, flicking on the tv, simon had the news on before hand but you quickly swap stations to some cheesy sitcom. simon rolls his eyes, yet he settles on watching it as well.

the night ends with you two ripping the poor sitcom to shreds, drinking more than two hot chocolates, a brief make out session when you both got bored and ending up in bed. the two of you were cuddled against each other, completely snug as the two of you relax. neither of you were asleep yet, just relishing the moment with each other. your head was pressed to his chest, listening to his steady heart as his hands run over your back and arms. eventually, he hears your soft snores and settles down to sleep himself. “i love you.” simon mutters, kissing your head gently before falling asleep.

#simon riley #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mwii #cod mw2 #ghost cod #mw ghost #// 🍨 vcnillazelda #// 🍨 call of duty

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emberfrostlovesloki · 2 months

Text

Roses and Sparkling Water [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@hotchs-big-hands) Center (@brainstormingg) Right (@edwardian-girl-next-door)

Prompt: Aaron surprises the reader by stopping by her apartment after work to celebrate her first month of sobriety.

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x fem!non-BAU!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns

Category: fluff/comfort

Word Count: 4.3K

Content Warnings: Discussion of alcoholism/recovery [binge drinking, being drunk, hiding bottles, sobriety], food is mentioned, Aaron and the reader take a shower together, implied intimacy/sex. If I missed any, please let me know.

A/N: Hi loves! Here is another fic based on the amazing @imagining-in-the-margins January/February Writing Challenge. The prompt this was based on was “Character celebrates a milestone of sobriety.” I wrote this because I am one month sober today! Much of what happens in this story is what I felt before and after deciding to stop drinking. I have my friends and followers (and Aaron) to thank for supporting me and helping me get so far. Y’all are amazing and I love you. If you find yourself relating to any of these things, please know I am proud of you. It is never too early or too late to reach out for help. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you’re having a great start to your week and thanks for reading. Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories

y/n = your name

_y/c/e_’s = your color eyes

_y/h/c_ = your hair color

y/n had gotten home from work a half hour ago. It normally took that long for her to relax and be de-stressed enough to do anything enjoyable or productive. y/n didn’t want to be this stressed all the time, but things had piled on with life recently, and she was trying to accept it as best as she could. y/n was just lighting a candle and making a final cup of coffee when there was a knock at her door. y/n looked at the door confused. She hadn’t ordered anything on Amazon, and as likely as she was to get food delivered on yet another stressful day, y/n hadn’t gotten food either. y/n approached the door not sure what to expect. y/n looked out of the peep hole and her face broke out into a smile. This was the best kind of surprise that y/n could hope for. Without thinking about why Aaron was here, particularly with a dozen roses in hand, y/n threw the door open and said, “Hey, you. What are you doing here?”

Hotch stepped inside and moved forward, enveloping y/n in a tight hug. y/n breathed in his classic scent of cologne and shampoo. He had such a rich and deep scent. It was something akin to the smell of rain before a thunderstorm. The scent of green and dirt. It was something that y/n loved about him. Of course, y/n loved everything about Aaron. His smell was just a bonus. He still hadn’t answered her question, so y/n asked again, “So… why are you here? Did you come straight from the office?” y/n studied Hotch as if she was a profiler. He was still wearing his black slacks and white button-up. It looked crisp and well-pressed. y/n remembered a comment he had made on Saturday about picking up his laundry with Jack before he swung by to pick y/n up for an evening at his apartment. Apart from these articles of clothing, Hotch was missing his tie and suit jacket. It was an odd but becoming look on him, and y/n flushed at just how attractive he was in any state of dress.

Aaron smiled at y/n and leaned in to place a kiss on her lips. It was soft and he relished the slight stickiness of y/n’s chapstick which she must have just put on. When Hotch pulled back he said, “I’m here to celebrate you, darling.” He watched as she got slightly flustered and looked at him. y/n was now concerned that she’d forgotten some milestone of their relationship. They’d been together officially for nine months, and they weren’t the type to celebrate each month being together. y/n smiled and loved being celebrated and getting flowers from Aaron, but the why was still a mystery. y/n smiled and said, “Well you’ve got me stymied. Why are we celebrating me? Is it my un-birthday or something?” Hotch pulled back and replied, “Well maybe it’s that, but I was thinking more along the lines of the fact that today is one month of you not drinking.” y/n’s _y/c/e_’s shot open a little more. She hadn’t expected Aaron to remember the date when she’d given up drinking as she hadn’t brought it up much. But y/n loved that Aaron paid such close attention to her and the things that were important to her. y/n shouldn’t have been surprised but was and smiled even more and said, “Honey, that’s so sweet of you. How did you remember?”

Aaron took one of y/n’s hands gave it a squeeze and replied, “Sweetheart, when you decided you’d had enough I was incredibly proud of you. I know you only told a few people with me being one of them, and I know you don’t bring it up often, but I think it’s so important for you to feel accomplished in making it this far.” y/n let out a little laugh and said, “Aaron, it’s only thirty-one days. It’s not like a year or something. Every Saturday I still think about getting a drink at the bar. You must see it in my face sometimes. Or like before we go to bed.” Aaron nodded and gently took y/n’s chin in his hands so that y/n was sure to be looking at him. He was serious but not angry as he said, “I do notice, y/n. I notice every time I’m with you, and every time I see you choose to not go for a drink I’m so proud of you for that. I know it’s not easy. I want to highlight and celebrate all those times you’ve said no and let you know how strong I think you are.” y/n’s eyes began to water with emotions. She leaned into Aaron’s chest again. Hotch had placed the roses on the kitchen counter by this point with his long arms so he could more comfortably wrap his arms around his partner. y/n swallowed back the lump in her throat and said, “What have I ever done to deserve you, Aaron?” Hotch chuckled and said, “You never had to do anything to deserve me. We found each other and that’s all that matters to me. We give and take equally, if we didn’t this wouldn’t work.” Hotch pulled back again and asked, “So, would you like to do something to celebrate? I’m down for anything. I told the team and Strauss that I wouldn’t be available tonight. We could stay here or go out. I’m down for what you like.”

y/n beamed at the idea of a night assured that Aaron wouldn’t be snatched away by work. y/n said, “Well, such an offer is too tempting to answer without thinking about it for a minute.” Aaron smiled and replied, “Well while you think about it how about I’ll get a vase for those flowers.” y/n looked at the flowers, almost forgetting that they were there with Aaron in front of her. She chuckled and said, “Okay. There’s something in that top cabinet that I can’t reach that would work to hold them. Thank you for bringing them. They’re so beautiful.” Hotch nodded and said, “Well, nothing’s more beautiful than you, but I’m glad you like them.” As the tall man approached the kitchen to look for a vase, y/n pulled the flowers in front of her face and inhaled the light floral scent. It reminded them so much of Spring and just how thoughtful Aaron was as a partner. He’d seen it all from day one. Her problems with drinking. The anxiety and stress of the recent move and new job.

In fact, being with Aaron had been one of the main reasons y/n had quit. She had gotten sick of having to hide empty bottles when Hotch said he could stop by with or without Jack. It took work to throw away or hide five empty wine bottles or lug them out to the recycling. The hiding of the extant of her problem was also embarrassing. Every time she went to the recycling bin across the street, she thought that everyone she passed was looking and listening to the bottles clink on each other. On top of that, Aaron would always offer to drive her to work and she’d get into his car with either a headache or a hangover that she was badly hiding. The scent of Listerien must have been so strong in the small confines of the car. The problem that y/n had with drinking was that it never got so bad that she got in trouble. Not at work or with her friends. y/n was incredibly lucky that her binge drinking late into the night had only resulted in her showing up an hour late to work one day that wasn’t very important. She’d not even gotten a reprimand for it.

The real impetus for change had happened in two waves. The first had been on a day that had been so bad and overwhelming that y/n had called Aaron in near hysterics. Once he had heard her in distress so bad that she couldn’t even talk, he’d dropped everything and come over. He found y/n in her bed in what looked like such emotional pain that it nearly broke his heart. Aaron sat next to her, rubbed her back, and whispered words of comfort while y/n tried to stop the tears seeping from her eyes. y/n sniffled and asked, “Can you get me some water from the fridge? Please.” Hotch nodded and got up. y/n had completely forgotten that she hadn’t taken care of the bottles of wine both empty and full, nor the plastic cup that she’d put back into the fridge the night before at 3:00 a.m. when she couldn’t force down one more sip. y/n was too upset to think about it right now. But when Aaron opened the fridge, he instantly noticed the bottles and cup on the side of the door. Hotch knelt down and made sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing right. He silently lifted the bottles to see which were full and which were empty. He knew that y/n had a drinking problem even though she never drank in front of him. It was easy to see even if y/n tried to hide it. But this was worse than he had ever imagined. It hurt Hotch to see y/n trying to drown out her pain like this. With the way she was right now, he could understand the desire to self-medicate, but he cared about her too much to see her hurting herself like this to not say something. But he’d save that conversation for later. He quickly got the water she had asked for and moved back to give it to her and cuddle her until she could explain why she was so sad.

That Saturday, as Hotch and y/n went on their normal trip to the park for him to run and y/n to walk before picking up Jack from Haley’s, he brought up what he’d seen in her fridge earlier that week. y/n was confused at the beginning when Aaron didn’t start his normal stretching and jog, instead opting to walk with her. y/n looked at him and asked, “Are you feeling alright, love? Is your hip hurting you again?” Aaron gave his head a small shake as he said, “No, I’m good. I just wanted to talk to you about something.” y/n tipped her head to the side slightly. His tone was serious as was his expression. Suddenly y/n felt like she was under a microscope, and she was panicking. y/n wondered what she’d done and her brain came up with the worst thing imaginable like Aaron breaking up with her. So when he said softly, “I saw the bottles in your fridge, y/n, and I’m really worried about you.” It took y/n’s brain a few seconds of buffering to let Aaron’s words register. When they did, y/n instantly felt shame well up inside her. She’d forgotten about the fact that he’d looked at the fridge. y/n’s brain fired all its neurons for some kind of response but it was useless, and she said in a defeated tone, “I know I’ve got a problem. It’s bad and I feel bad about it. I’ve tried stopping so many times and it just never works. I can’t do the moderation thing. I’m sorry you saw that, I’m sorry I hid it, I’m just sorry…” y/n didn’t have anything more to say in their defense. y/n realized that what they had said wasn’t even a defense. It was just useless words that didn’t mean anything. At least y/n didn’t think they meant anything to anyone. But as Aaron walked alongside his partner, he felt a profound sadness yet strength at y/n speaking at all. He moved in front of y/n and stopped them in their tracks. y/n ended up running into him as her eyes were glued to the ground. y/n looked up at Aaron expecting him to be angry or upset, but he just looked concerned. y/n swallowed and said, “Why are you looking at me like that?” His facial expression wasn’t the one she had expected and it threw her off completely. She had almost hoped for anger. y/n was used to anger in response to her shortcomings. Empathy was so new to her that it felt wrong somehow.

Aaron pulled both of them off the trail gently and to a nearby bench. When they were settled, and y/n was looking at him with concern, he responded, “y/n. I’ve only ever cared or been worried about you. Your drinking, which I’ve known about for a while now, never made me angry. It just made me sad that you were hurting so much and not telling me, or anyone. When I saw your fridge and just how much you were drinking it made me concerned for you. You were so upset and I just want you to be okay. I know it’s hard. It’s gotta be so hard, but would you let me help you? Can you tell me why it started? How it got like this?” y/n was a sniffling mess by now and nodded without saying anything. After she’d taken a deep breath and realized that Aaron didn’t hold the shame for her that she held for herself, y/n said, “Yes. I’ll tell you, Aaron. But can we not do this in the park? Maybe we could go to your house where there isn’t a bottle for me to be tempted by?” Hotch had to let out a soft chuckle at y/n’s statement and gave her shoulder a slight squeeze and the top of their head a kiss as he said, “Of course, love. Let’s go to my place where we can both relax and talk more privately.” A few minutes later the couple was settled on Aaron’s comfy couch and y/n started sharing. She thought that it would be hard to let out those feelings and the draw of the numbing effect that wine had on her. Although it was uncomfortable at the start, Aaron’s compassion and caring questions that dug at and begged to understand y/n on a deeper level allowed her to let him into the part of her life that she had kept hidden away for over three years. As y/n spoke, it was so clear to her that he’d loved her through all of her flaws and bad choices she’d made. Not only did he love her, but he tried to understand and be there for her pain.

y/n was thrown from that memory when Hotch returned with a tall vase that would accommodate the flowers, and y/n felt like a giddy schoolgirl at just seeing him. Aaron couldn’t help but smile too as he said, “I’m never going to get tired of seeing that look on your face, y/n. I’ll have to stop by your place more often after you get home from work unannounced.” Aaron took the flowers from y/n and nestled them in the glass vase. y/n stood behind him while he did this, wrapped her arms around his waist, and leaned into him. As Aaron arranged the flowers to their optimum fullness, y/n looked out the window and remembered just how pretty a day it was outside. It wasn’t too hot or cold, so y/n said, “I think I know what I want to do with our free evening.” Aaron looked over his shoulder and said, “Oh, yeah. What’s that y/n?” y/n replied, “Well I’d like to go to the park near your place, and then if you’re down we could go to that Italian place where we went to on our first real date?” Aaron turned around and relaxed into her embrace and said, “Darling anything you want to do tonight we can. Well, anything but go and have like five tequila shots.” y/n nearly choked laughing and said teasingly, “Oh my gosh, Aaron, you’re the worst. Plus you know I hate tequila shots.” Hotch smiled and leaned down to kiss y/n on the forehead. He loved how lowkey y/n was. He knew she’d understand the joke, if she wouldn’t have, he never would have said it. He pulled back and said, “Well maybe we can have some sparkling water instead. Now. Do you still have that blanket from when we had that picnic with Jack?” y/n nodded and said, “It’s in the hall closet. I washed it a long time ago. It might have moth balls by now, to be honest.” Aaron stepped toward the closet and said, “Well, we can shake them out when we get to the park if they’re there. Do you want to grab a coffee to go? I see you’re machine is still running.” y/n whipped their head toward the kitchen and said, “Shoot, I forgot about that. Thanks for the reminder. Do you want a cup too?” Aaron called out over his shoulder, “Yes, that’d be great.” As Hotch got the blanket, y/n pulled two cups from the cabinet and made the coffee. She then quickly grabbed her purse and sunglasses. y/n held the door open for Aaron and they both walked down to his car.

In the park, the pair found a spot under a shady tree that was private but gave a view to a field where people were tossing a frisbee around and some dogs were chasing tennis balls in the lush grass. Aaron and y/n were quiet for a while as they both took in the lovely weather and coffee. When Aaron finished his cup, he set it on the quilted blanket and lay down to look at the sky. Seeing the expanse of Aaron’s chest so wide open, y/n set down her cup and made sure it stayed up before placing her head and upper body on his chest. Hotch snuggled y/n’s head into his chest a bit more and his hands found their place on her back and in her _y/h/c_ hair. y/n sighed contentedly into him, not in a tired way just a “I’m happy to be here way.” Aaron’s eyes gazed down to her back and shoulders and he said, “y/n, would you tell me why you decided to quit? I know you don’t make a big deal about it, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’d like to know.” y/n smiled into his chest and her mind flashed back to the second reason why she’d given up drinking. y/n’s fingers traced patterns over his skin and replied, “Well, it’s kinda silly, but I was just sick of being sick. I remember that Monday when I woke up as foggy as ever and I was thinking about how I only had one bottle left in the fridge and that I was going to have to walk to the store and buy another one to feel comfortable for the night because one bottle was never enough. And then I wondered if I had the money for it because it was the end of the month. And it thought about the type of power that alcohol had over my emotions and finances. It felt like it was controlling my life and I was sick of it. I had such better things to live for, like you and Jack and work. There was so much more to pay attention to in life. So I got out of bed that morning and poured all that I had out. Then I threw away all the bottles, immediately, so I wouldn’t be reminded of them. Let me tell you, I didn’t sleep for two days after that. It was pretty shitty.” y/n chuckled at how terrifying the choice had been for the first two days. Aaron listened and his face broke out in a smile as his hands ran up and down y/n’s back. He said, “Well I’m so happy for you. I see how much you’ve kind of come into yourself over this last month. I know it’s been hard, and yes I said that before, but you’re doing great, and I’ll keep supporting you however you need me to, tomorrow, next week, next month, until the end of time. I promise you that.” y/n looked up from his chest and gave his jaw a series of kisses that left Aaron fully flustered.

When it got dark the pair moved to the restaurant where they were seated at a corner table inside. The place had little tea candles on the tables and Aaron, true to his word, ordered a chilled bottle of sparkling water for the table. He even asked for wine flutes like they were having champagne. y/n laughed slightly as he poured them both glasses and handed one over to her. y/n picked up her glass as did Aaron. y/n’s eyes lit up as they clinked glasses and he said, “Here is to my love and how proud I am of you.” y/n added, “Well here this should also go out to my love and just how amazing you are to me. I wouldn’t be here at a month sober if you didn’t remind me how happy I can be without drinking.” Aaron couldn’t help but flush a little. They both took a sip and as y/n set down her glass she smiled at him and said, “You know Aaron, as simple as you are, you can go all out on some things.” y/n winked at the bottle of sparkling water and Hotch chuckled saying, “Well, I only think I’m extra for the important things, and I think this is one of them.” Soon after that, their food came and they had a nice meal together reflecting on their relationship and how it had evolved over the months.

When the pair got back to y/n’s home, she turned to him and asked, “So, are you going to spend the night tonight? Was that calling out to the team and Director Strauss just a tonight thing, or could it maybe extend into tomorrow morning?” y/n gave him her best pleading eyes because it was so nice to have him around unexpectedly, and she wanted to capitalize on his time if he could get away with it. Aaron smiled and said, “Well, I let the team get away with being in the office late once or twice, I don’t know why I can’t follow suit once in a while.” y/n grinned and said, “That’s my rule breaker. Now…I was thinking maybe I could do with a shower. How would you feel about joining me?” Hotch’s eyes flashed dark with a desire for a moment and he said in a voice suddenly much lower, “Well, that sounds like a good idea to me. Let me get it running at a good temperature.”

While Aaron was getting the shower set perfectly, y/n stripped down to nothing. y/n looked at herself in the mirror, glad to see her bold glow without the feeling of fuzziness from drinking, When Hotch said that the water was ready, she moved into the steamy room. Aaron’s eyes widened as she stepped past him and into the shower. She turned to face him and let the water cascade down her naked body. y/n loved the fact that she could freeze him like this, and she teased, “Are you going to stand out there in the cold love?” Aaron snapped out of his daze and he quickly stripped out of his clothes. y/n looked him up and down as he also got drenched from the shower. Aaron couldn’t stop himself and moved forward and began kissing her neck and shoulders. He stopped and asked, “Is this okay love? Do you feel like it tonight?” y/n smiled and ran a hand down his jaw and chest toward his navel. y/n nodded and said, “Of course I do Aaron. I want you like this whenever we can enjoy each other. Getting to be this close to you makes me feel so alive.” Aaron’s eyes roamed over her face again and he said, “Good, because I want to give it to you tonight and whenever you want it, y/n. Now let me get back to this very very important job.”

He moved back to sucking and nipping at y/n’s warm skin and his mouth moved lower to a more sensitive area. As his tongue started working the spot on her chest and his hands worked over his body as well, y/n leaned her head back and let out a gasp. y/n ran her hands through his short hair. As Aaron kept working fervently and lovingly, she realized how much better was to experience all things with a clear head. Especially when it came to scenarios like this. To feel Aaron taking care of her with such love and desire was the best feeling she could ever have. When they were like this, giving themselves to the other, the idea of a drink, no matter how good, would never even cross y/n’s mind. As y/n let out the first soft moan of Aaron’s name and his hands moved to her thighs, y/n gave into the passion of the night because when it came down to it, Aaron was the best drug of all.

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thefundisorderdiary · 3 months

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hey, you have any tips temporary fnd paralysis (specifically legs but js in general)

Hi I’m so sorry I’m only getting round to this (honestly never expected to get any asks ever this is super awesome!)

Tips for ending a bout of paralysis:

1. Ignore it. Oftentimes the more you focus on it the longer you’re going to draw it out. Try to immerse yourself in something else like a tv show or drawing or a puzzle.

2. Interval wiggling. Every now and then have a little wiggle, it could be a big wiggle such as all the body parts that aren’t paralysed or you could see if you can send that signal to the paralysed part. Animals do that shake when they come out of a shock and it basically resets them and shakes off that weird energy feeling you get. It might not work right away, but it tells your body it’s okay to move, so keep at it, just make sure you have breaks in between.

3. Intermittent signals. Send the move signal to the smallest part of the body part that is paralysed (toes for legs, fingers for arms). Focus on one part at a time tell it to move a little bit, it’s hard so don’t expect it to reach there right away, but visualise (if you can) that signal coming out of your brain into your spine and down to the paralysed part, imagine it getting closer to its destination each time you send it. Again; have breaks in between.

4. Baby pinches. You know that stereotypical grandma pinching the baby’s cheek? Do that to your paralysed part, be gentle! The idea here is to remind yourself it’s not really paralysed, it’s just having a nap. Play around with the sensations on your skin, remind yourself that this body part is connected to you, it is still yours. Tapping and stroking works here too, find what suits you.

5. Move it with something else. This one gives me the heebie geebies because it’s like putting your foot flat on the ground with pins and needles to me, but it can be what’s needed. Use the rest of your body to bend the joints of the paralysed part individually (one finger at a time, one knee, etc) this helps remind your brain that your joints and muscles aren’t stuck and it helps keep blood flowing.

7. Keep it warm. Not moving body parts will make them much colder than the rest of you and cold muscles don’t work even when they’re not paralysed, so keep blankets/jumpers/fluffy socks nearby. Many times I have worn a jumper by only having one paralysed arm in the hole and the rest of my body outside of it.

8. Forgive yourself. It’s hard and uncomfortable and you want it to go away fast, but dang why won’t it go away?!? It’s happening. You can’t get out of it fast, but you can breathe and get through it, it will pass in the end - keep reminding yourself that it will pass and you can get through it. Paralysis is the brain finding a way to deal with whatever stress it is currently trying to handle, your body needs this moment to heal so forgive it and allow it the moment it’s asking for! These steps will help, but ultimately it’s your brain’s decision, you just need to help it (and you) feel safe while it has its moment.

I know it can be uncomfortable and scary to feel like your body isn’t working or doesn’t belong to you, but it is working and it does still belong to you, it’s just a little stressed and confused, treat it like you’d treat a pet in a thunderstorm and you will be okay in the end. You’re not alone! ❤️

#FND #fnd awareness #functional neurological disorder #disabled #spoonie #disability #stress related paralysis #temporary paralysis #fnd tips #tips

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heckinconfusedparade · 11 months

Text

@sr200916

The First Thunderstorm

It’s been 2 weeks since Robotnik’s attack on Green Hills. The Wachowski’s just got the giant hole in the house and fence repaired, and there’s a new garden shed shipment coming in any day now.

Tom and Maddie didn’t expect they’d be taking in 2 more kids, so there’s been stress on them to get all new things for Tails and Knuckles, and figure out the rooming situation. Lucky for them, the rooming situation was easily solved; it was literally one of the first things the boys talked about after Tails and Knux decided they were going to stick around and join the family. Knuckles decided he was going to stay in the basement, and Sonic and Tails would share the attic for a “really really long sleepover” as they call it. Tom and Maddie were a little iffy with those two sharing a room due to Sonic being a 14 year old teen who needs privacy, but those two didn’t budge on their decision. The two agreed that privacy was important for both of them, so Tails decided to make a retractable wall in the attic so that they would have that privacy whenever they like.

At this current moment, Tom, Maddie, and Knuckles are all in the basement cleaning things out and making space for a bed n stuff.

Sonic and Tails are up in the attic. Tails saved Tom and Maddie money by building his own bed. Sonic convinced him to have a plane bed to match his racecar bed because he thought it’d be cool. He’s right, it is cool! Tails already transferred his belongings to the attic faster than anyone thought he would because he was just so eager to get out of that orphanage. Now he’s happily making that wall. Sonic is helping where he can, but he’s mostly just watching. He’s amazed with how easy the kit makes it look; almost like it’s second nature.

Sonic notices the dark clouds rolling in through the ceiling window, and waves to get Tails’ attention, “hey buddy, can you just check that ceiling window is locked?“ Tails’ gaze follows Sonic’s pointed finger up at the ceiling, seemingly just now noticing that was there. Tails flies up and makes sure it’s locked, and once he’s sure he stares out at the clouds for a moment. The kit feels uneasy, but he forces it down and says “it’s locked!”

“Thanks! One time I forgot to lock it and the wind blew it open in the middle of a storm. It was like someone attached a shower head to my ceiling!”

“Do you have to run up the wall to reach?”

“Sometimes. Other times I drag a big ladder through the entire house.”

Tails laughs at the thought of Sonic’s tiny self dragging a giant ladder up 2 flights of stairs, and the loud banging it would make. He flies back to the track he’s fixing onto the ceiling that he later plans to fit the moving wall on.

Sonic is passing some tools up to Tails when they hear a loud boom from outside. Sonic and Tails both react to the thunder by lifting their heads to look out the window. Then they go back to what they were doing. Sonic notices that Tails is looking very tense. The smooth fluent movements Tails had before was replaced with tense rigid movements as he begins to rush through the project.

“Uh, Tails, are you ok?” Sonic never thought to ask Tails about his thoughts on thunderstorms. He’s not too fond of them himself, but he’s gotten a lot better since he moved in with Tom and Maddie. Tails looks like he’s trying really hard not to crack, and it’s worrying the blue hedgehog. Tails only whispers “I’m ok..” in a way that makes it seem like he’s telling it to himself, rather than as a response to Sonic’s question.

There’s another boom, followed by a flash of lightning that fills the room. That startles Tails enough to drop his wrench on Sonic’s head. Sonic grunts as the cold wrench connects to his noggin, and he holds his aching head in pain. Tails swiftly floats down to him, “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?!” he inspects the damage from above, really hoping Sonic isn’t mad and doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. That worry alone freaks Tails out even more than he already was. Sonic winces and looks up at the fearful fox “I’m ok, don’t worry about it. I’m not bleeding, am I?”

“…no.”

“Then I’m ok!” There’s a genuine tone in Sonic’s voice. He’s really not upset, which puzzles Tails. With that worry out of the way, that leaves behind the other worry.

The worry comes in the form of another flash of lightning. Tails tries to hide his fear, but Sonic noticed the look in his blue eyes. The hedgehog gently holds Tails under his arms so he’d stop flying. Once the namesakes had dropped, Sonic places Tails on his feet. Tails’ efforts to hide his fear is completely ruined because his tucked tails give it away. He avoids eye contact with the elder, now also embarrassed. Sonic’s expression shifts to worry, “you’re afraid of lightning, aren’t you?” he asks as softly and as comforting as he can, trying to not make it possible to mistake his tone for a teasing one. Tails is about to deny this ridiculous accusation when another boom of thunder and lightning sends the kit up into Sonic’s arms. Sonic his heart begin to hurt feeling this poor kid tremble in his arms. Tails realizes how vulnerable he just made himself and quickly retreats under his bed.

Sonic, who is now shocked and confused heads to the side of Tails’ bed and peeks underneath it. The fox had curled himself into a ball.

“Buddy?” The ball of fluff doesn’t respond, so Sonic keeps talking, “why are you hiding under the bed? It’s dusty under there.”

“‘cause.” Says a a little voice.

“‘Cause why?”

“Because you’re just gonna tease me…” Tails’ tone is defensive, but his voice is shaking, indicating he’s started crying.

Sonic blinks and lets out a small nervous chuckle “what? Why would I tease you for being afraid of lightning?”

“Everyone else at that place did… they all told me to suck it up and that I’m being ridiculous.”

Sonic sits down on the floor next to the bed, now wondering how much more to Tails’ story there is. Everything he’s heard about where this kid came from sounds absolutely awful. “You’re not being ridiculous,” he says “I was afraid of lightning too. I spent most of my life living outside, so I had to sit through a lot of storms like this one. I’ve seen what lightning can do. I would never, ever, make fun of you for being afraid.” Sonic sticks his hand under the bed and soon feels a little hand hesitantly hold it.

“I’m still not great with storms, I’ll admit that.” Sonic normally doesn’t admit to being afraid, but he has a new responsibility that he didn’t have 2 weeks ago. He now has a little brother to support, comfort, guide, and protect. He never had someone to hold and comfort him when he was scared until under a year ago. Sonic is going to make sure this kid knows that someone is always going to be there to hold him when he’s scared.

Tails slowly crawls out from under the bed with his blue eyes now red and puffy from his tears. Sonic pulls a blanket off of Tails’ bed and wraps it around the little fox.

“Thank you,” Tails manages to crack a small smile, “you’re the bestest friend ever…”

“Hey, you’re not just my best friend. You’re my brother. We’re family now, Miles.”

Tails looks at his brother with wide eyes, “you consider me..” he pauses “y-your brother?” Tails is aware he’s part of the family now. It was a big discussion with everyone involved, and yet the reality that he has brothers now hasn’t quite set in fully. Sonic calling him his brother made that reality slap him him in the face. He has a family now. A real one who loves him.

Sonic almost laughs, “of course, buddy!”

“Sonic?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I hug you please?”

“Cmere, dude.” As soon as Sonic opens his arms, Tails dives right into them. Those golden arms squeeze Sonic like if they were to let go he’d disappear and never return. Tails is still scared, that hasn’t changed, but he is so very grateful for all of this. He wonders what he did to deserve such kindness..

A few moments later, Sonic is sitting crisscrossed with his blanket wrapped little brother sitting in his lap, snuggled up to his chest. Tails has decided that bro cuddles is his new favourite thing. With the way Sonic has his arms wrapped around him, Tails has never felt more safe and secure. He feels like if he stays here, nothing can hurt him.

Sonic has tasked himself with keeping Tails distracted from the storm. He already feels accomplished because the kit has stopped trembling and he’s gotten Tails to smile a few times, and even laugh with jokes. The lightning and thunder is bothering him less and less.

Sonic has no idea how to be a big brother. But with what he’s doing right now, he’s sure he’s finally doing something right.

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic the hedghog movie #tails the fox #sonic 2 #movie tails #sonic #movie sonic #tails wachowski #sonic wachowski #unbreakable bond #sonic and tails #fluff

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kulemiwrites · 2 days

Text

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 | 𝐆𝐨𝐫𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚 & 𝐓𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐚 𝐒𝐚𝐞𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

Genre: Comfort, SMUT

Rating: 18+

Word count: 3.5k

Character(s): Goro Majima, Taiga Saejima, fem!Reader

Warning: To clarify, there is no Majima/Saejima in this fic. I'd hate for someone to feel misled.

The power goes out while you're working on a report. So, your boys partner up to help you unwind.

It was a rather unassuming evening, just like any other. Goro and Taiga stretched out on opposite ends of the sectional as they watched the robotic news reporter explain the forecast for the evening. High winds, scattered thunderstorms, and flash floods. Nothing unexpected. After all, it was nearing typhoon season. It could have been a hell of a lot worse.

The woman pointed at a location on the doppler radar as she zoomed in to isolate their city. “Here in particular will see heavy rain storms and wind speeds of up to–”

The mounted flat screen cut to black, the lamps went out and the living room was bathed in darkness. They could hear the trees rustling outside and feel thunderclaps that shook the entire house. It was nothing but black outside of the window– not even a street light peeking in.

“Aw, what the fuck?” Goro groaned, lifting himself upright.

The other man sighed, “Think the winds’re high enough to knock out the power? Or ya think it was the lightnin’?”

“Hell if I know!”

A loud, anguished scream came from above then was drowned out by another thunderclap causing both men to shoot off the couch and stumble to their feet.

“Shit!” Goro hissed, making his way over toward the stairs as best as he could in the dark room.

Taiga was right there behind him until he heard the clatter of something being knocked onto the floor.

“Be careful, kyodai. Y’ain’t gettin’ no younger, ya know.” he said, digging through his pocket for his cell phone. “At this age, ya just might fall and break a hip or somethin’.”

“Shut the hell up, alright?” he said, helping himself off the floor. He turned to find Saejima’s face partially illuminated by the cellphone screen. “You forget I’m operatin’ with one eye here.”

He fished his own cell out of his leather pants but instead, turned on the flashlight grateful that he’d had you to teach him how not long ago. Using that light, he navigated his way through the room until he could reach the stairs.

“I’m gonna go check on the lady.” he said.

“I’m comin’ with.”

Goro turned to the man trailing behind him on the stairs and frowned, “Ya know, she don’t need both of us.”

“When has that ever been true?”

He snickered as the previous night flashed through his mind. You had a greed in you that at some point in the evening, he wondered if two of them was even enough before immediately dismissing the thought when he felt himself becoming jealous.

It certainly wasn’t true last night.

“Touché.”

They turned the corner once they reached the landing, then headed down the hall until they approached the door to your office. Right as Goro lifted his fist to knock, the door swung open, revealing your face illuminated by your phone and theirs. They could see clear as day how red your eyes were.

“Hey…” Goro said, stroking your cheek only to find that it was wet. “Ya alright?”

“I’m fine. Just really fucking pissed right now.” you spat, turning around to head back into the room.

Goro leaned on the wall as he kept his light on your back. “So… You’re not fine.”

Taiga brushed past him to guide you to the sofa near the wall then caressed your warm, wet face. “You’ve been cryin’. Lemme guess, you were still workin’ on that report?”

“Yes,” you nearly yelled, smacking your knees. “And I fucking lost everything! All of that progress!”

“Shit.” Goro said, joining you two on the sofa.

You let out a deep sigh as Taiga’s heavy hand landed on your shoulder, massaging it. You were tense- so tense. He couldn’t imagine how stressed you’d become over this. A lightbulb went off in his head.

Ironic.

“Goro,” he called. “You ‘member that emergency bag?”

The other man’s hand stroked at your leg, “Yeah.”

“Where is it?”

“Downstairs in the hallway closet.”

He didn’t say anything after that. You simply watched his contribution to the room’s light drift away.

Goro took this time alone to pull you into him, stroking at your hair and squeezing you against him. He’d practically opened up the flood gates. You buried your face into his chest and let out a loud wail. Sobs and frustrated groans stained his shirt with tears and a bit of drool.

“That’s alright. Let it out.”

He hated this.

He knew that it wasn’t his fault, that there wasn’t really much he could have done to prevent this from happening but still… He never felt like a winner when the love of his life was in tears. He kissed and kissed at the crown of your head, then pulled you back from his chest to see your tear stained face before pressing his lips to your forehead. He had an idea but he wasn’t sure if it would bear any fruit.

If it meant stopping the waterworks, he’d at least give it a shot.

“Gimme a sec, ____. I’m gonna run downstairs and see if I can get the power back up for ya.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Check the generator and the fuse box.”

“Yeah, alright.” you said, the sparse light shined on your pouting face and made his heart ache all the more.

The electricity would pay for making his girl cry… Somehow.

He gave your knee a light squeeze before leaving you in the room alone. “Be right back,” was the last thing he said.

You sat there on the sofa, staring in the direction of your PC as your thoughts ran rampant. Taunting you. Why didn’t you see this coming? You’d heard the thunder. You’d seen the lighting. Why didn’t you just make a save? Now, it was too late. You wanted to scream, cry some more or even break something but what was done was done… All you could do now was wallow in your misery and sulk.

Yeah, sulking was good.

You threw yourself out on the sofa and stared up at the ring of light on the ceiling. It was taking a while for either of them to return. You wondered what they could possibly be doing for so long in that dark ass house but then gave up wondering. You were growing bored and your boredom gave way to anxious thoughts.

You wanted no more of it.

Grabbing your phone, you unlocked it and swiped and tapped your way to your usual messaging app until you landed in the group chat with some friends. You took a deep breath then groaned as you tapped out a rant about what had just transpired. You hoped that venting about it some more would help put you at ease. You felt yourself growing angrier with every word, then after the anger dissipated, it settled into something sad.

You’d have to start almost entirely over… Right after you’d started to get the hang of things. What a pity.

Just as you hit send, Taiga startled you by knocking at the door. You hadn’t even heard anyone walking up the stairs– you usually did, him especially. He wasn’t the lightest on his feet.

“_____, can ya come with me a sec?” he asked.

You sighed, wiping the slow drying tears from your face then lazily peeled yourself from the couch to follow the much larger man down the stairs, his thick fingers woven with yours. He carefully guided you through the dark with the help of your phones until you reached the spare bedroom.

“What are we doing here?”

He rubbed at what skin was available on your arms with both hands. “Go on in.”

At his insistence, you reached for the doorknob and slowly turned to open the door. You almost couldn’t believe your eyes. Dozens of votive candles were scattered around the room, vessel candles here and there too.

Warm candlelight. So beautiful. So many, too– it might have even been a fire hazard but at least it was pretty!

You were slowly drawn into the room, “Wow.”

From where you stood, you could even spot candles all the way through to the grand bathroom.

“This is so nice, Taiga.” you said, turning to face the large man smiling softly at you.

“Dontcha go givin’ him all the credit!” Goro called from the bathroom.

It was Taiga’s idea but sure, he must have helped light them or something.

“Come on in, ____! The water’s fiiiine.”

“The water?” you said, following your other lover's voice. You found him sitting on the rim of the bubble-filled bathtub and shook your head. “No way.”

“Yes, way.” he said, walking behind you. “Let’s go ahead and getcha outta these, hm?”

He glided his hand over your hair then skated his fingertips down the nape of your neck until he reached your shoulders. Then, he ran his hands down your arms and back up to cross over to the center of your chest where he’d begun unbuttoning your lounge shirt.

Slow. Deliberate.

His movements were all intentional as he plucked each button away. One by one. He kept that pace as he stripped you out of each article of clothing until there wasn’t a thing left.

When he was done, he spun you around to face him. You could see the hungry twinkle in his eye as he visually devoured you. He licked his lips and silently started to work toward doing the same to himself.

That same turtle pace.

Not once did he break eye contact. He didn’t say a word and yet he was saying it all. Unconsciously your leg squeezed itself over the other and he smirked.

He fucking smirked.

He knew precisely what this little strip tease of his was capable of.

When there was nothing left between you, nothing but his semi-hard cock, he closed the gap. You could feel it poking against you as he slipped his tongue down your throat.

“Goro,” Taiga interrupted. “You were just supposed to bathe with her. The hell are ya doin’?”

He fought the urge to allow himself some friction by grinding against you as he held you closer. He’d been cupping your ass in his hands by the time he pulled away from your lips.

“Mm, sorry, kyodai. Can’t help myself.” he muttered against your neck.

“Well, help it. Otherwise you’re not gonna be able to help with the next part.”

His shoulders slumped as he buried his face against your skin. “Fine.” he groaned.

“The next part?”

“Mhmm.” he hummed, taking your hand and leading you back to the bath. “We’ve got another surprise for ya after yer bath.”

You weren't sure how much more you needed. A relaxing candle lit bath with one of your boys was more than plenty. He helped you into the tub, then when you seemed to be comfortable enough, he stepped in behind you. You’d gotten lucky with this house, finding a tub that could not only accommodate their height but even comfortably seat two at a time.

“S’it feel good?” he asked, wet hands making scoops beneath your breasts to fondle. “The water nice enough for ya?”

You nodded, sinking down further into the water and reclining back into his chest. If it was ever possible to be swaddled in love, it couldn’t have felt too different from this– body submerged in warm water and an even warmer body pressed up against you from behind. You could have completely forgotten about the power outage….

Almost.

Taiga kneeled at the side of the tub, handing you a glass of wine. You rotated the glass beneath your nose. That aroma was unmistakable. He’d broken out your favorite bottle.

Absolutely, this was love.

“Thank you, Taiga.”

He’d leaned over the rim of the tub to capture your lips before you could kiss the rim of the glass. He always kissed you as if he was savoring it, much like you would soon be savoring this wine.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” he whispered, then pecked at your cheek before standing back up with a grunt.

“Ah, kyodai, did ya find the stuff?”

You could feel Goro’s voice vibrating through his chest against your back.

“Hm? What stuff?”

Not answering your question, the other man nodded. “I did. So, call it in about 30 minutes and then dry her off and bring’r to bed so we can get started.”

“30 minutes?” Goro whined. “That’s hardly enough time to finish her wine. Give her an hour.”

“Fine, but I don’t wanna hear no funny business. If I do, it’s just me an’ her.”

Goro waved his dripping hand at the man dismissively, flicking water at him and in your face. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now, get out. Yer wastin’ her time.”

Taiga said nothing else, not for Goro’s sake but for yours. You watched him leave the room, pulling the door up behind him. When it was just the two of you, you tried to sink even further into his chest but this was as close as you could possibly be.

“Sorry I couldn’t get the power back on for ya.” he muttered against your cheek as he absentmindedly fondled your chest.

“Don’t be. It’s not like it’s your fault the power went out.”

“I know. I just can’t stand seein’ ya upset and stressed out like that.”

“I couldn’t help it. I lost so much progress, Goro.” you sighed, then took a big gulp of wine.

So much for savoring.

“Well, now’s the time to let it out. I’m listenin’.”

“I don’t really have much else to say about it. I think it’s best for me to calm down and relax now.”

“Mm.”

They soaked in silence for a while. You watched the candlelight flicker along the walls and in the water as you sipped at your wine. Each minute that passed by, you felt the tenseness in your body melt away. You weren't sure if it was the warm water, the calming lighting, just being there in his arms or perhaps even the way he played with your breasts– bouncing your tits, teasing the nipples with his fingertips and pinching them after they’d hardened under his featherlight touch. The semi from before was now a full blown erection pressed against your back, twitching and begging for the neglect to end.

“Yer likin’ this shit, arentcha?” he snickered, dipping his head to nibble at your neck. “Feelin’ real good, huh?”

You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth to suppress the moan threatening to spill out. Good was much too weak of a word to describe how this felt.

“Yes.”

“How good?” he asked, rolling your nipples between his fingers as he sucked at your neck. You couldn’t answer him– not with your words anyway but the way you had begun to gyrate into the tub told him so much more than you ever could. “Ahhh, baby~. Ya need a hand?”

You bit back a groan.

“Spread your legs,” he whispered against your damp skin and the hair on the back of your neck had begun to rise.

“But Taiga said–”

“_____, do I sound like I give a shit about what Taiga said?” he said then licked a stripe along the goosebumps rising on your neck. “Be a good girl and spread ‘em.”

There was a fluttering inside you– Down low. You loved when he was assertive like this. You tended to take turns passing the baton. Now it was your turn to be the obedient one. You tried to spread your legs but the tub only gave you so much room to meet his liking. The bath was generous in length but not so much in width.

Clicking his tongue it was apparent that he wasn’t satisfied. He needed you spreaded out much more than this. He reached down to grab one leg and hiked it over the rim of the tub and lifted the other until your foot touched the cool wall.

That was more like it.

His large hand dipped beneath the bed of diminishing bubbles and snaked its way down your body until he was cupping your mound.

“Oh,” you gasped at his touch. “Goro, we–”

“Want me to stop?” his voice deep against your ear and you could have shuddered.

You knew that you should have petitioned for Taiga but both of you knew from the way you’d begun to grind into his hand that you would have only been lying to yourself.

You needed this.

And Goro was nothing if not a problem solver.

You shook your head and he smirked to himself at how well he knew you. He’d known you like the back of his hand. He pressed his middle finger between your slot and found you’d been dirtying up the water with your mess.

So slippery, despite the bath, just like he suspected you would be.

He knew you.

He slid his fingers along your slit then slowly reacquainted himself with your swollen bud. You flinched beneath his touch. Your lips fell open as you rested your head back on his shoulder. He could practically see the moan tumbling out of your mouth before the sound even graced the world. Goro brought his hand up to cover your mouth in an attempt to silence you. Water droplets rolled down under your jaw and along your neck until they hit with the bathwater again.

“Ya gotta keep quiet, _____. If he hears, he’s gonna get real pissy.”

You winded your hips in the same pattern as his hand, panting and sighing as you accepted all the pleasure his deft fingers had to offer. You tried your best to keep your voice down. You tried your best not to thrash about. You tried your best to keep your legs propped wide open but Goro’s efforts were wearing you down and you were only moments away from combusting.

“Oh?” he whispered, hastening his pace. “Ya like this sneakin’ around shit, do ya? That why you’re about to cum so soon? Hold it, baby. We’ve got plenty of time.”

That was just the thing though. You couldn’t hold it– You were just feet away from reaching the mountain’s peak and there was no turning back. Your toes curled as you attempted to fight against the trembling in your thighs that urged you to slam them shut. Any sudden movements and you’d make a splash for sure. You couldn’t have Taiga coming to investigate– you were too close to stop now.

You ground your head into his shoulder, eyes stapled shut as he pressed his palm to your mouth tighter. He was rubbing faster. He knew you couldn’t hold back. Your hands splashed through the water until you found purchase in his thigh muscles, crescent moons sinking into white skin.

He pushed you over the edge and all you could do now was ride it out, panting hard into his hand– trying and failing not to let out so much as a squeak.

“Thaaat’s it, _____. Let it out.” he whispered, kissing your ear. “Thaaat’s my girl. Keep cummin’ for me.”

The current rippling through you shot from head to toe, leaving behind a dizziness in its wake. With a shudder, you melted into him, fighting to catch your breath. At last, he removed his hand from your mouth, subtly noting the bite mark left behind. He hadn’t even noticed you biting him. He was so engrossed in what he’d been doing. Goro kissed at the wet nape of your neck, tasting a mixture of bathwater and sweat then dropped his bitten hand beneath the water to stroke the skin of your belly.

“Taiga’s going to get so pissed at us…” you said in an airy tone.

“Only if he finds out.”

“Oh, I think he found out.” a gruff voice said near the door.

The two flinched, gazes following the voice to find the other man leaning against the doorframe with folded arms.

“What the hell, kyodai? How long ya been standin’ there?”

“Long enough.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” you asked.

Something mischievous played on his features beneath the flickering light. “I’ve got my reasons. Besides, ya looked like ya needed it so bad, I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt.”

“I told you we should’ve waited, Goro.”

“You ain’t say shit!”

“I tried.”

“Not very hard mi–”

“Enough,” Taiga said, unfolding a large bath towel as he approached the bath. “C’mon, let’s get you dry.”

“It ain’t been an hour yet.”

“Maybe it ain’t but you can’t follow instructions. So, I’m gonna go on and take this one off yer hands.”

He allowed you a moment to clean yourself up then he helped you out of the tub, dried you with the towel then wrapped it around your body before lifting you into his arms bridal style.

“Yer takin’ her for the massage already?”

“Ya know,” he began. “I’m a little fired up now. Maybe I’ll take a page from your book and lose sight o’ my task.”

“That ain’t fair!” Goro nearly shouted, propping himself up over the edge of the tub. “How’s that fair?”

Taiga looked from you to him, a barely there smirk playing upon his lips and Goro couldn’t see it but you certainly could from your seat, there was something devilish there.

Wicked.

“Do I look like I give a shit ‘bout bein’ fair?”

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated. Thank you for reading!

#goro majima #taiga saejima #majima goro #saejima taiga #majima goro x reader #saejima taiga x reader #goro majima x reader #taiga saejima x reader #goro majima x reader x saejima taiga #yakuza smut #yakuza x reader

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so-sures-blog · 1 year

Text

My Rainbow

This took way too long, I have so much work ...

Rainbow — Arcoíris

🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️

Pepa has been having a couple rough weeks.

She was acting moody — well, moodier than usual — and her weather was completely haywire.

There was hail and showers, snow mixed with wind, and sunshine with thunderstorms. She had no idea what was going on with her weather, and Mamá was starting to get on her case about how crazy it was.

Pepa didn’t want to deal with another lecture about how she had a cloud and about how she had to calm down and control herself.

Pepa sits down to the breakfast table, taking a sip of café con leche to get rid of the cloud hanging over her head. She had woken up alone this morning and feels like she had gotten no sleep at all.

“Pepa, estás bien?” Julieta asks, concerned. Her hermana stands by the doorway of the kitchen, keeping an eye on Pepa while simultaneously watching to see if Agustín burned himself while cooking again.

Julieta is now a couple months pregnant, a small bump showing from her blue dress, and Agustín— being the doting husband he is— refuses to have his wife stand on her feet and work all day while she is pregnant. So, he has decided to take up cooking to help her out, no matter how many burns he received.

“No,” Pepa grumbles as she takes a sip of café. Her cloud lightens, but traces still remain. “I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Dónde está Félix?”

“He went outside to garden,” Bruno says as he joins the table. Thankfully, he didn’t have any rats on him, but Pepa still scoots away.

Agustín pokes his head out and winces when he gets a look at each of them. “Dios, did the three of you get any sleep? I mean, I understand Juli not sleeping because of the baby, and she looks beautiful anyway …”

Julieta blushes and Pepa and Bruno glare at their cuñado, a dark cloud materializing over Pepa’s head again. She went to get another sip of her café, only to realize its empty.

Frustration bubbles in her blood and the wind picks up. Bruno glances over in concern. Julieta frowns as she notes her mood swing. “Pepa, you should eat something. Agustín is done.”

There is a yelp, a clatter, then a curse of “Miércoles!”

Julieta sighs, “Almost done.”

She disappears in the kitchen, and a moment later reappears with with the food, setting them down at their respective seats.

Pepa glances down at the plate, and her stomach churns. It was just a normal breakfast, and a delicious one at that, but suddenly Pepa feels sick. Normally, she had a light meal because of her nervous stomach, but now, looking at the food makes her want to throw up.

She has to eat, so her Mamá wouldn’t begin looking at her with frustration, so she wouldn’t have to lecture her about being a Madrigal and controlling herself, and then Pepa would be sent out to do her chores and get the weather all wrong, which would set Mamá in a bad mood again and Dios, where was Félix clear skies, clear skies—

“PEPA!” Her family shouts, and Pepa snaps out of her anxious tangent she see wind and snow rushing around the room in a blizzard.

She freezes, and the wind dies down to leave flurries of snow drifting in the air. Pepa shrinks in her seat as Julieta, Bruno, and Agustín stare at her worriedly.

“Pepa, are you okay?” Julieta asks gently.

Pepa squeezes her eyes shut and rubs her temples. “Sí … I’m just in a bad mood is all. Lately, I’ve been feeling really moody and nauseous, and I haven’t been able to sleep right. And you know how Mamá is during the crops season. I’ve been so stressed and if I have to hear one more lecture—”

“Family,” the warm voice of Alma cuts through the air, and they all freeze before scrambling to get into their seats.

They sit down just as the matriarch enters the room in a surprisingly good mood. She doesn’t even notice the clumps of snow on the floor as she heads for the table.

“I have wonderful news for all of you, and the future of the Encanto.” She turns towards Pepa, who instantly straightens. Her mamá’s eyes are warm and kind, unlike the usual stern look Pepa’s come to recognize.

“I am happy to announce that there is a new door is Casita.” Gasps filled the room and Casita clatters its confirmation. Alma nods, her eyes shining with pride and joy as she turns to her daughter.

“Congratulations, Pepi. We now have a new Madrigal in the family.”

Pepa’s jaw drops as all eyes turns to her, hardly able to breathe. She was pregnant?! Cómo … Cuando …

That explained her weather! Her mood swings, her nausea, her exhaustion. Not to mention when her and Félix—

Pepa stops, blushing, and her hands flutter down to her stomach.

A baby. A baby. Her baby— her and Félix’s.

Mamá is still droning on and on about La Familia Madrigal and the two new miracles and strengthening their community when Pepa abruptly stands up, mutters out an excuse, and rushes out of Casita.

She has to find Félix.

Fortunately, it doesn’t take very long, because as soon as she spots him, she calls out his name and races towards him, tackling him in a hug.

Félix laughs, spinning her around. “Qué paso, mi amor?”

“I’m going to have a baby,” Pepa says.

Félix’s mouth drops open and stares at his wife in disbelief. “Què?!?”

Pepa presses her lips together, a smile growing on her face as the sun glows brightly overhead. There’s no cloud in sight and for the first time the weather is clear.

“I’m pregnant,” she repeats. Her heart beats loudly as she watches her husband’s face turn blank, eyes growing round with shock as his gaze drops to her stomach.

“I’m going to be a papá?” Félix asks. A hesitant smile makes its way across his face.

Pepa beams, nodding her head as she blinks back tears of happiness.

Félix jumps forward and kisses her. Pepa laughs, smiling when Félix deepens the kiss and cups her face. Pepa fists his shirt, kissing him back.

The kiss feels like sunshine, bright and happy as their mouths move together.

Then it’s rain, heaviness growing in intensity like the onset of a downpour.

Then it feels like a thunderstorm, the anticipation building and building until the thunderous release of lightning cracks across the sky like a dazzling firework.

“Eh-hem,” someone clears their throat.

Pepa and Félix both pull away to see their family. Bruno crosses his arms in annoyance, and Pepa makes sure to send him a dirty look as well. Agustín is bashfully turned away, but could still be seen hiding a smirk. Julieta simply smiles, amusement glittering in her eyes.

“Having fun?” Julieta asks, making her way towards them.

Pepa rolls her eyes. “As a matter of fact, we were. Gracias, hermana.”

Julieta sticks her tongue out, retorting, “Por favor, you two will just break the bed later!”

Pepa gasps and Agustín lets out a horrified, “Juli!” as Félix and Bruno burst out laughing.

Pepa turns red, fogging over in embarrassment as her hermana laughs before pulling her in for a hug.

“Anyway, we just wanted to say congratulations — you ran away so fast we weren’t able to tell you.” Juli says and Bruno steps forward, smiling awkwardly.

Pepa returns the gesture. Things have been tense since the incident where Bruno made her create the biggest hurricane Encanto has ever seen on her wedding day, and Juli has often had to come in and play peacekeeper.

“Sí,” Bruno says. “Felicidades.”

Pepa nodded. “Gracias.”

There’s a beat, and Bruno deflates when he realizes that she’s going to say nothing more. Pepa feels a bit bad, but stubbornly kept her mouth shut. Thankfully, her husband swoops in before things could get awkward.

He claps a hand on Bruno’s back, nearly knocking him over with a yelp as his other arm comes around Agustín. “We’re to be tíos, hermanos,” he says. He looks over at Agustín, chest swelling. “We’re going to be papás.”

“Let’s just pray Agustín’s baby won’t be as clumsy as him,” Bruno says.

The man gasps and splutters indignantly as his family laughs. Julieta punches Bruno in the shoulder. “Ah, cállate. Our bebé is going to be perfect no matter who she takes after.”

Agustín beams, swelling with pride as he stares at his wife. She blinks back affectionately.

Pepa rolls her eyes at the sight, a smile tugging at her lips. Dios Mío, and they say we’re bad.

At the thought, she turns around to find her husband’s eyes already on her. Something in her heart tugs. It’s the way Félix just looks up at her— with pure adoration, like she’s the most wonderful thing in the world. He looks at her like the man seeing the sun for the first time, and kisses her like its his last day on earth.

His hand finds her stomach, the size swallowing it. There is a small bump— practically unnoticeable— but it’s there, and it’s theirs. Pepa can’t help but lean down to kiss him, and he leans up to kiss her back.

“Ugh, seriously?! I’m surrounded by couples!”

“No problema, amigo. I can always set you up with someone in town—”

“Dios Mío, no!”

🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️

The first time Pepa sees her child, she knew it had all been worth it.

Despite all the clouds and thundering and snow and the hurricanes, it has been worth it from the beginning because—

Dolores Adríana Madrigal is the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world.

(Agustín might disagree because of Isabela, but that didn't matter.)

She had bright eyes and beautiful curls just like her papá. She is just the perfect mix of Pepa and Félix as she slept in the little red blanket Julieta made her.

Dolores was a quiet baby for the most part, only crying when she wasn't being held and screaming when she was left alone. When they held her she let out soft gurgles as she stared at them curiously with big, brown eyes.

Pepa fell in love the instant she saw her. She could tell that Félix felt the same way too, from the broad smile that split his face whenever he saw his daughter.

Mamá’s lips move in prayer as she stares at her second nieta and clutch the pendant that held her husband. Agustín and Julieta lean over to see with baby Isabela, huge smiles on their faces.

Bruno makes a snarky comment about how Dolores will probably be as emotional as her mother, and Pepa would have struck him down that instant if she hadn't noticed the tears falling down his face as he cries for his sobrina.

Félix keeps on pressing kisses on her face mumbling out endearments of mi vida, mi amor as Pepa hardly breathes, cradling their daughter.

Outside, the labor-induced hurricane slows as the sun tentatively peeks from the clouds.

She loves her.

Pepa gasps, then sobs in delight and happiness as the feeling hits her like a bolt of lightning; striking and electric and fierce as her heart pounds against her chest.

The sun shines, light fracturing off the dew to create the most beautiful rainbow over the Encanto, over Casita, over Pepa — over Dolores.

It is the happiest she’s ever been in her life.

🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️ 🌈 ☀️ ⛈️

#encanto #encanto fanfic #pepa madrigal #felix madrigal #pepa x felix #julieta madrigal #agustin madrigal #bruno madrigal #alma madrigal #dolores madrigal #isabela madrigal #agustin x julieta

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unsleepingtales · 5 months

Text

The penultimate episode of burrow’s end! Here we go!!

Hi little guys!!

Oh noooo

Shoutout to the dome art fr

OH that’s so real Rashawn. Sometimes the character voice is not there when you think it is and you need to say your activation phrases.

The little fist bump :)

Erika’s outfit is sick

MeatWolf! Merch! When!

Ooo

THEY LEVELED UP TO TEN?????

So Thorn is now level 5 cleric and level 5 ranger. Fascinating

Just stress demolished a sleeve of jaffa cakes in under ten minutes. This is fine.

Yeah there’s a lot of humans in the world I’m sorry

Hazmat suit lore lmao

😏 humans ey

JESUS Brennan

I love the intent and thought that goes into all of these descriptions.

Okay Tula has ALSO taken cleric levels. Level 3 life domain cleric.

Everyone starts bleeding out of their ears.

This is such bad things 😭 no it’s good ✋😭 I hate this

We’re all good at the same amount!

What coin babe

Thorn’s lightning bolt is looking way more hazard/electricity/warning than natural thunderstorm this time

“It all has to be done exactly right” has never gone badly for anyone ever.

Bennet!

That’s not a great way to make your dreams come true I think

🔵 leash 🔵

🔵 fascist 🔵

Ooooh Viola level 3 fighter!

Oh damn okay

It’s EMBROIDERED

It has her NAME ON IT

I’m fine this is fine

Love the law enforcement disdain <3

WHAT

Okay I’m glad Brennan’s on board with that lol

Ava cleric levels??? Ava Grave Domain cleric????

Ahahahaha okay so Lila is back to being an arcane trickster rogue but she is ALSO a wizard

Ava actually seeking information!

Oooh the actual strawberry candies!! Those are so good I haven’t had one in ages

Didn’t Tula heal him??

He’s allergic to pet dander 🥲

This really supports the headcanon I saw that Meredith and Lukas were Bennett’s family before Ava asked if he was single and the Tula/Bennett thread started

Some incredible insight from Ava there

PANTS

(i panicked)

Pants yeah! Let’s roll!

I am really craving those strawberry candies now lmao

That’s actually very coherent

WHAT ARE YOUR SKILLS

Okay actually going to sleep right when you lay down is a skill. I would love to be able to do that.

Jasper/Thorn constantly being horrified by the children is delightful

Ooh okay that’s a brilliant use of a d100 actually. I might steal that.

Damn

What a reference Brennan

Nest-iest/NAstiest

They booby trapped the door

BARDIC?

Oh lovely just some exposed live wires now

Transcripts?

Personal logs????

Wenabocker is hot I’ve said it before I’ll say it again

Creeeeepyyyyy

21,730 stoats total is a lot. 400 dying in one week is also a lot.

Okay so resource allocation is Way more dangerous than advertised.

Who is Phoebe??

Love long lasting effects of combat!!

Hester is such a good name

Aaaa the illustration for them creeps me out so much

Hester and Phoebe were siblings ok

I’m definitely gonna need to rewatch this lore drop tomorrow

I am so curious about the naming convention

IS WENABOCKER’S BODY IN THE CLOSET RN

This is horrifying!

Fascinated by the implication that prolonged exposure to radiation causes gender shit lmaooo

Ok so there’s not a human corpse in the closet. That’s good.

Is anyone gonna read stoat pope’s journal?

Ok thank you

That’s creepy! This is fucking creepy!

Ha ha ha ha ha how fine and normal and regular

Okay so it’s not gender it’s religion and politics?

She has fireball now? Sick

Motherfucking hell indeed Izzy

They respect the badge without any context or knowledge of the person wearing it hmmmmmm

God the only phrase in my mind is she’s spreading the gospel. Is that fucked up.

Let us celebrate nuance!

Oh noooo

I need to go back and check because I thought the human stuff on the dm screen might be new I didn’t remember it being there before but also maybe I just didn’t notice it? Or maybe the screen actually changed.

Ok my wifi has just cut out for the second time in an hour so I think that’s my sign to go to sleep and finish this tomorrow :)

Ok I’m back I’m awake Henry Kissinger is dead it’s gonna be a good day

Oooh the urge to metagame

AHAHAHAAA

Awww her best friend

Ooh what’s he planning

Snacks!

All of last bast as favored terrain!! That’s so cool!

Oh rangers are cool. They always have been but rangers are cool.

OH OK

(Players lamenting another low Siobhan roll)

Everyone is celebrating Lukas’ nat20 and Brennan just looks so done 😭

The sound effect of the falling stoats aaaa

The sitcom moment

Y’all remember the eeeeeeeeeeee that Murph kept making during neverafter? That’s the noise I keep making

Another hallway?

Oh no I just remembered that the alarms go off at some point in this episode

Oh ok it’s a different exit

The crunch is time

You’re gonna cast magic on it before you’ve talked to it??

Just full astral projection out of the body

The framing I’m gone I’m dead

Oh god

Oh boy

WHAT

BABE WHAT

‘Going’ would imply that there’s a road back 😭

Yeah ofc she’s terrified oh my god

I love her

Oh she’s got asthma she’s just like me fr

Keep asking about wenabocker!

When did she say she didn’t have kids??

HES ALIVE???

Pre-read hear!

Ooh she got a you can certainly try

Ayo??

Oh my god

Oh good god

Oddly enough this is the chillest I've felt about an episode ending in a while lmao

So the alarms going off was a trailer edit and not part of the episode. ok.

I hope this goes ok.

#burrow’s end #burrow's end #reactions #verbal component

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alejandroseyepatch · 6 months

Note

Regressor Duncan and Caregiver Alejandro?

Regressor! Duncan w/ Caregiver! Alejandro

One thing Duncan hated when he was regressed were thunderstorms. He hated how loud and scary they sounded, how they made everything so dark and cloudy.

It was genuinely rare for anything to scare Duncan, even when he was regressed, but thunderstorms always did the trick. Thunderstorms terrified him.

Alejandro hummed softly as he peered out the window. The sky was dark..and cloudy. It looked like it was about to storm. Alejandro looked over at Duncan, who was regressed and playing with a few action figures.

Alejandro decided it was probably better to not tell Duncan about the incoming storm. He didn’t want to stress the little guy out anymore than the storm was going to once it started.

About ten minutes passed, when Alejandro could hear rain hitting the window. Duncan didn’t seem to really notice, until there was a huge crash of thunder.

Duncan jumped, immediately getting up from his spot and running over to Alejandro, holding out his arms while crying.

“Papa!” Duncan sobbed as he collapsed in Alejandro’s arms. “Oh, baby boy. Everything’s alright.” Alejandro spoke softly, his hand running up and down Duncan’s back.

Duncan only continued to cry his eyes out while clinging to Alejandro like his life depended on it. Alejandro felt awful for the poor boy. He was terrified of the storm, yet Alejandro couldn’t do anything about it. It’s not he could stop it or anything, all he could do was just hold Duncan and do his absolute best to comfort him.

Alejandro began to rock Duncan slowly. The motion normally did help Duncan calm down whenever he got upset or scared, so Alejandro was hoping it was going to work this time too.

It did help, only a little bit. After a few minutes, Duncan’s sobbing had reduced down to sniffling and whimpering. He was still crying, it just wasn’t as much.

But of course, as soon as Duncan was beginning to settle down, another loud crash of thunder struck. Duncan immediately tensed back up and started to wail again.

“Duncan, it’s okay. I promise, mi amor.” Alejandro said, his tone soft and quiet. Duncan only shook his head, burying his face into Alejandro’s shoulder.

“N-not okay..‘m scared, Papa..” Duncan mumbled. “I know, Duncan. I know.” Alejandro whispered. He wrapped his arms around Duncan, hugging him tightly as he gave him as small kiss on his head.

“I’m sure the storm will be over soon.” Alejandro told him, but Duncan didn’t seem to care. He didn’t want the storm to be over soon, he wanted it to be over now.

After a couple of seconds, Alejandro had gone back to slowly rocking Duncan while humming a small song. He could tell Duncan was calming down again. He had stopped crying and was just sniffling.

Ten minutes passed when Alejandro looked out the window once again. This time when he looked, it wasn’t dark or cloudy anymore. It was sunny out.

“I think the storm’s over, love.” Alejandro said, looking down at Duncan. “All done?” Duncan asked, looking at Alejandro, then out the window.

“Mhm. All done.” Alejandro smiled, causing Duncan to smile right back at him. “Do you want to go play with your toys again?” Duncan nodded and got up from Alejandro’s lap.

Though, before going over to his spot, Duncan grabbed Alejandro’s hand and pulled him up from the couch.

“Am I playing too?” Alejandro asked. “Yeah!” Duncan responded, pulling Alejandro over to his toys. Alejandro couldn’t but laugh a little as he was practically dragged over to where Duncan’s toys were. He was glad that Duncan was finally feeling a lot better now.

#total drama agere #fandom agere #agere fandom #agere fic #age regression

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appalachianapologies · 9 months

Note

It's been a long, stressful few weeks so can I request one of your drabbles with some Mac and a just returned home from hunting Kovac, Jack (with as many of Team Phoenix as you want to include) around the fire pit? Family love and fluff togetherness, reassuring Jack that his years away chasing Kovac doesn't change his place in the family.

And a picture of my crazy little boy Luke for you.

such an esteemed fellow! and sorry you've had stressful weeks, friend 🫂

prompts

Before Jack can reach for the front door, Mac hooks a thumb over his shoulder to point. “Guest room’s open, you know.”

“Guest room, huh?”

Mac shrugs. “Boze moved out, and it’s not like I ever had company to…” shaking his head, Mac trails off. He doesn’t want to guilt Jack. “Anyway, it’s there. If you want it.”

When Jack just swallows in response, Mac turns, gathering the last few soda cans that were left. Although their post mission celebrations typically took place out on the deck, an uncharacteristic thunderstorm forced them all inside tonight.

“Are you sure?”

Mac pauses, mid reach. He almost laughs at Jack’s question. “What? Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jack watches him for a few seconds, as if gauging Mac’s thoughts. “I dunno. It’s been a long time, hoss. Didn’t know if things had changed.”

“They haven’t. At least, I hope they haven’t.” Mac forces his hands to relax, doing his best to avoid crushing the 7-UP can under his fingers. “They haven’t for me.”

Jack’s lips quirk up in a small smile. “I’m happy to hear that.”

“You didn’t think that things had changed, right? You’re still family.”

“Disappeared on y’all. Wasn’t fair to you and Riley. Not again.”

“Yeah, well,” Mac takes a measured breath in. “You’re back now, that’s what really matters. And you’re still welcome to stay here. Any night, anytime. I promise. You’re still our family.”

#oughhhhhh feels dialed up to 11 #asks #erinsworld #we love erinsworld #in which vi actually writes #macgyver #macgyver 2016 #drabbles

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the-friendliest-freak · 2 years

Text

Okay so since exams and so many other things are ripping my ass in twain, here’s a snippet from this, just to make up for the long wait:

(Based on this post of mine)

Also for clarification:

The Narrator - TSP Narrator

The Instructor - LBP Narrator

“You see, the player begins at the front door, where everything appears to be normal. The clock motif is introduced, representing the shackles of pressure mortality has on the common man, and the battle between survival instinct and societal instinct - one fights to live, the other to work and please others.” The Narrator babbled on, eyes on his creation and not the expression of growing concern on his listener’s face “It also symbolises how the end of the workday is constantly on the hero’s mind, a brief reprieve from the capitalist hellscape he’s trapped in. But what are the consequences of such a reprieve - the level asks as the photos reveal the character’s family - when you leave all the stressors to harm those around you?”

As The Narrator continued, The Instructor grew more ill-at-ease. Vague symbolism and depressing subject matter aside, the level contained minimal gameplay. To proceed, you simply walked to the right. Not to say he didn’t enjoy more abstract levels which prioritised storytelling, but this…it wouldn’t sit well with those who played it. People wouldn’t get it.

And yet - watching as The Narrator’s eyes shimmered with the pride of creation and his arms gestured madly as he tried to communicate his concept - he couldn’t bring himself to stop him. He was proud of what he made, and that was enough. It didn’t matter what anyone said.

As if realising he’d been talking for several minutes now, The Narrator suddenly cut off his ramble. A strange fear flickered in his eye, but quickly left. As if he were afraid of talking too long.

“Well, I’ve- I’ve talked enough,” he said, shrugging with a shaky grin, then leaning forward slightly as he asked “So, what do you think? Honest answers, please.”

The Instructor smiled sweetly, and responded “It’s absolutely wonderful.”

Goodness gracious, he was not prepared for the reaction that caused.

Not exactly instantly - two seconds passed after uttering the words, presumably as they registered in The Narrator’s brain - yet still quickly, he lighted up like an overly-photic Christmas tree, beaming like he’d just seen the presents under it. It was a dramatic change. He shined as opposed to wavered. A beacon of ecstatic pride.

“Yes! Yes, I knew I’d knocked it out of the park with this one!” He laughed, eyes twinkling, pumping his fist in the air, adding in delightfully whimsical sing-song: “I did it! I did it! I did it!”

It was the first time he’d laughed since coming here.

A genuine, warm, exuberant laugh. Triumphant. It was like the Sun peeking out of the clouds after an all-day thunderstorm.

The Instructor’s throat tightened. This didn’t make sense to him, as nothing was evidently wrong. Was it simply anxiety? Stress, and nothing more? A fear of negative feedback being shown to such a…such a…

He swallowed thickly. Such a fragile, yet strong thing. Paradoxical was his barmy nature, both reeking of insecurity and annoyingly egotistical; logical yet emotional; being simply around him toed the line of tediousness at pretension and wonder at disposition.

He annoyed him, and yet he enraptured him.

And right now, there wasn’t a single kernel of indignation in The Instructor’s temperament as The Narrator continued to joyously celebrate this itty-bitty victory.

What was there instead?

He…he didn’t know how to say. With heavy lids and a frown, he could only mutter some half-baked allusion to the truth, too quiet to hear:

“You’re wonderful.”

“Goodness, I’m terribly excited to release this into the world! The masses!” The Narrator remarked, excitedly wringing his hands “People will look at this and see a brutally honest reflection! A thrilling statement on the world! A work of art unafraid to say what needs to be said! …now, just to name it…”

As The Narrator published his level, going about naming it and writing a description and the appropriate tags, The Instructor could just about hear him quietly echoing “Wonderful” over and over under his breath.

At first he shrugged it off as narcissism. Then the notion that perhaps kind words must be a rarity came to mind. His chest ached with the thought.

#fun fact: the level the narrator made is actually based off a level I made once. never published it.#lbp3 #lbp2 #lbp #lbp1 #lbp narrator #tspud narrator #tsp the narrator #tsp narrator #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #little big planet 3 #little big planet #fanfiction #tsp fic

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ms-m-astrologer · 1 year

Text

Transiting Sun enters Taurus

Thursday, April 20 - Sunday, May 21, 2023

Taurus likes life to be calmer, but in these past years that calmness has been difficult to find. That’s primarily because of Uranus’ long-term (seven year) transit through the sign of the Bull. “Radical simplicity” is my key phrase for it - many people are putting a lot of effort into simplifying their lives. Breaking free of the internet, cutting the cable TV connection, making more basic and stable community connections, etc.

With the Sun moving through Taurus, we’re shining a light (the Light) on our ability to de-stress. Can we? We all can certainly make our lives, to some degree, much simpler.

Three of Taurus’ favorite healthy strategies are

Music: Not necessarily limited to soothing lullabies; Ms M (with her Aries Moon!) tends to need loud music to de-stress. Try to integrate some time every day to listen to your favorite songs.

Mother Nature: in the Northern Hemisphere, this can be a glorious time to get out of doors and marvel at all the flowers and their scents, and new leaves, and warmer weather - even a spring thunderstorm can be refreshing.

Animals: cuddle up with your pet; or, if you can’t afford a pet or your landlord won’t let you have any, volunteer at an animal rescue shelter. Get (re-)acquainted with your inner animal.

Here are some dates to keep in mind, allowing for a day or two on either side:

Thursday, April 20, Sun/Taurus square Pluto/Aquarius - an abrupt, almost brutal shock to start off Taurus season. Maybe we all will be faced with a good reason to actively de-stress?

Monday, April 24, Sun/Taurus conjunct Vesta/Taurus and North Node/Taurus, opposite South Node/Scorpio - this can be a wonderful day to re-align oneself. We want to work on a simple, practical self-image.

Tuesday, April 25, Sun/Taurus sextile Saturn/Pisces - coming right on the heels of the Sun-Vesta-North Node triple conjunction, we have the motivation we need to commit to hard work.

Monday, May 1, Sun/Taurus conjunct Mercury Rx/Taurus - in which Mercury gets a systems upgrade.

Friday, May 5, Full Moon/Eclipse, 14°58’ Scorpio - really wild and intense, with a sort of “no going back” energy to it.

Tuesday, May 9, Sun/Taurus conjunct Uranus/Taurus - coincidentally, this is the day when we emerge from “the shadow of the eclipse.” As the dust settles, we’re committed to our individuality.

Sunday, May 14, Sun/Taurus trine Ceres/Virgo - Mother’s Day in the US, how appropriate!

Thursday, May 18, Sun/Taurus sextile Neptune/Pisces - opportunities for artistic expression and practical (Taurus) compassion (Neptune and Pisces).

Friday, May 19, New Moon, 28°25’ Taurus - I’m hoping this will help us incorporate our new relaxation techniques into our lives.

We have an emphasis on Taurus now - Mercury, Vesta, and Uranus are already there, and will remain until after Gemini season gets underway. In addition, Jupiter will enter Taurus on Tuesday, May 16. If we work hard and pay attention, we can use the Sun’s 2023 transit of the sign, to give us some good ideas about working with Jupiter’s Taurus transit (May 16, 2023 - May 25, 2024).

#Astrology #Transiting Sun enters Taurus #Ms M astrologer

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weaselsneazel · 11 months

Text

wanted to write more fluff! so here’s some toon patrol comforting smartass (w/ my autistic headcanon)

The group of weasels scattered about the main room, sitting idly by as the thunderstorm ran it’s course over the town. It seemed to drag on and on, harsh raindrops hitting the glass of the window. The sounds of the building creaking, footsteps pacing, pencils tapping and every single little sound that normally would go unnoticed- seemed to be at its highest volume. Even the TV, at a decent level in volume seemed to be screaming.

While the other 4 didn’t seem to notice all these noises at once, Smartass was catching every single bit of sound. It all cluttered into one mess of audio that made his skin crawl. Somehow the quiet atmosphere was too loud, and it made the weasel antsy. His hands, and feet fidget with each other, trying not to focus on the sounds coming from the room around him.

Visually, it was also all too much. Psycho pacing around the room in circles, Stupid sitting right in front of the TV, flipping through channels. Greasy and Wheezy having conversations all while Wheezy was coughing up smoke. Too much going on at once. Smartass wanted nothing more than to tell everyone and everything to shut up for a while. Tap tap, creak, flip flip, tap, creak, flip, creak, tap, creak.

It wasn’t until Greasy glanced over at his boss, doing a double take and processing the problem. From his view, Smartass was clearly bothered. He looked like he was zoning out and tense. Putting the conversation with Wheezy on pause to waddle over to Smartass and stand in his field of vision. Pulling the other out of his sensory overloaded trance.

“oy..! hermano.. you okay?..” Greasy whispered, getting a startled reaction out of Smartass- jerking up and looking at the other. The sound of Greasy stopped the ringing in Smartass’s ears momentarily, grounding him in a sense. “Yeah.. i’m fine.” he replies. Gaining a look of concern from the rest of the group, however the others kept their distance and allowed Greasy to handle the situation.

With a hand on Smartass’s shoulders, Greasy quietly lead Smartass out of the main room and into one of the smaller offices. Suddenly the noises seemed to muffle and quiet down, allowing Smartass to take a deep breath and calm down. “Why don’t you stay here until the storm passes. Much more comfortable, yeah?” Greasy smiles and gives his boss a pat on the shoulder. Smartass nodded, wishing he could verbally thank Greasy for pulling him out of a sensory distressing situation. But, words were difficult to form right now. Greasy didn’t mind, just by Smartass’s body language he knew how much his action was appreciated.

The moment Greasy left and shut the door, leaving Smartass to ground himself, the weasel let his body stim out all the stress. His wrists and fingers flicked outward repeatedly as he paced around the room. Eventually he settled on one of the couches, letting himself sink into the cushions. The fabric was soft and the perfect texture for comfort. Minutes pass and a soft knock was at the office door, followed by all 4 weasels entering the room. Smartass peaked out from the pillow he buried his face into and waved to the others, inviting them inside the office.

“Hey boss, how ya feeling now?” Greasy asked as the weasels made themselves comfortable, surrounding Smartass in a pile against one another. “Hm.. Better now.” he replied, hushing an apology under his breath. “Ain’t nothing to apologize for.. happens to the best of us.” Wheezy reassured, tossing his finished cigarette into the trash and preparing to light another. Psycho and Stupid invading Smartass’s personal space to give him a hug. To which, Smartass happily accepted.

“Uh.. can we stay in here wid’ya?” Stupid asked, twiddling his fingers. “Yuh know.. Ta keep you comforted!” “yeah yeah!! can we??” Psycho smiled and giggled, huddling up to his friend.

“Ha!” Smartass cackled. “I’d be consulted if you didn’t!” He replies with his usual malapropisms, returning the hug around Psycho. Once the others had his consent, they all huddled up in one big pile. Listening to the muffled sounds of rain together.

#toon patrol #toon patrol weasels #smartass weasel #greasy weasel #wheezy weasel #psycho weasel #stupid weasel #who framed rodger rabbit

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ashtrayfloors · 1 year

Text

There is so much, so much to say. So much, these days. And I’m sleep-deprived so this entry will be a haphazard list rather than a well-thought-out piece of prose, but I need to get some of this down because there’s just going to keep being more and more and more.

—The last day of March I dressed up in a very queer-punk getup to attend the Queer Youth Assemble rally in Kenosha. I put my harness on along with my other undergarments, and over that I wore tall black boots and a loose, long black dress and my leather jacket that has studs and appliqué roses on it (the one I always describe as cowpunk-meets-Kathy Acker). I did elaborate eye makeup and darkened my wispy lil’ mustache with mascara, and went to the rally. And a bunch of my cishet ally friends were there, and a bunch of my queer and trans friends were there, including my crush Shelley. (Shelley is a pseudonym and yes, I did christen them that in an homage to both Mary and Percy Byshe, because they are goth and a poet.) All of us were in our Most Gender finery, complimenting each other, and Shelley looked super hot in their leopard coat and cat’s-eye glasses. After the rally ended due to rain, Shelley and a few other folks and I went out for beers and nachos and I can’t tell you how good it felt to be Out and Queer. In fact, our waiter (gender neutral) said they had wanted to be at the rally but couldn’t make it due to work and they thanked us for going and said we all looked ‘hot as fuck.’

—It got warmer as the day went on, rained more, then the fog rolled in, then thunderstorms, then back to just rain, and it was warm enough I was able to leave the window open overnight for the first time this year, and I could hear the rain and the trains.

—April first it got cold again, and the wind returned, and it was not my lover, this was brutal bitter asshole wind. I ran some errands, including meeting up with K. to pick up the Joe Strummer piece I commissioned him to do for Ali’s birthday. And then I had a bit of the sads, because the kids were cranky and I was PMSing. And because I was thinking about M., how it’s now been 18 years since he died, and how it still hurts that I can never tell him how much he meant to me. But I wrote some poems and took some selfies and then I drank a little too much wine and listened to W/IFS, like I do when I’m in my feelings.

—And the two days after that were kind of crappy, I was still sad and cranky from PMS, and stressed about the upcoming election. But I did some voter outreach stuff and wrote more poems and did some painting and ate dark chocolate and drank tea.

—Then election day, and despite the storms (including hail!) Wisconsin turned the fuck out, and the election turned out the way I had hoped, and I am so relieved that my state overwhelmingly voted against the right-wing extremist judge and that my town voted against the MAGA freak mayoral candidate. And P. and I had amazing sex that night.

—And the next couple days were mostly about packing for a trip to Door County, and more poems, and more sex. And there was more rain, more storms, but also warmth, and bits of sun and butterflies, and the greening grass.

—Two days before Easter, we headed north. Everything was muddy and brown and we saw e a lot of birds—hawks and herons and wild turkeys. There were road snacks and road silliness. We saw a truck that said Lubenow on it, and we figured out later it had to be someone’s last name (like Luben-ow), but it was like “got it, looks like Lube Now.” And at the rest area we usually stop at there’s this big Wisconsin tourism sign that’s supposed to look like a license plate, and it says LUV R AG (as in Love Our Agriculture), but again, because of the kerning and design, it looks like Luv Rag. So P. and I were making jokes about how Luv Rag sounds like the name of a band of sleazy middle-aged dudes trying to cling to their ‘80s hair metal days, and I said: “Thank you! We are Luv Rag, and this is our new single, ‘Lube Now!’”

—We were up there for five nights, 4.5 days. It was less stressful than staying with my parents usually is, and except for the first half of our first full day there, the weather was great. I ate a ton of good food and stayed up late writing most nights; found out about a sonnet contest I’m going to enter. P. and I got to go out, just the two of us, several times. We went out for drinks a few times; got to sit out by the fire pit at Door County Brewing Co. and listen to a great folk musician who goes by the name of Hunter Gatherer. (I already liked him cuz when we first arrived, he was playing a cover of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right,” and then a bit later he was introducing one of his originals and said: “This song’s about running from the cops.” And I liked him even more.) Other times we just drove around the peninsula, or went hiking in Peninsula State Park and exploring our favorite tiny old cemetery. Our last full day there, we took the kids swimming (in a pool, not the lake—it’s still way too cold for that!), and I hadn’t been swimming in years and I had forgotten how much I love it, how at home I feel in the water, like that’s where I belong, like that’s where my body works the way it should.

—We arrived home to the daffodils and violets in bloom and everything even greener, buds on the trees, more warm weather, and there were days of childlike joys and nights of adult pleasures. Days of playing hopscotch with C. and reading endless books, of iced coffee and shooting hoops and watching the backyard birds and squirrels. One evening, we even got to grill for the first time this year, and make s’mores for dessert. Nights of drinking a bit, and hot sex, and staying up late writing.

—Then it got cold again, and it rained, then snowed. Yesterday I felt really bad for the first half of the day. Partly cuz of the weather; gray and cold and gloomy and it was hard being cooped up inside again after that week of warmth and sunshine. Partly cuz I was sleep-deprived (the kids have been waking up hella early lately.) Partly cuz fucking everything was making me cry. I dunno, I was having weird-bad gender feels, and also feeling uninspired/unmotivated writing-wise, like ‘oh, I made it through the first half of NaPoWriMo, but I think I’m tapped out now.’ And maybe a bit of that ol’ pre-Mercury Rx shadow period creeping in there, bringing up old issues and feelings—I was missing my good old bad old scumbag days. The days of freight hoppin’ and basement shows and circus freakery, and dumpster diving and busking and long bike rides across cities, of wheat paste and graffiti and stick n’ pokes and sleeping out, under the stars, giving myself over to scary thoughts, & omens, & excess. The days when most everyone I knew had a clown act and a copy of the Crew Change Guide. I made a cup of tea and lay in bed watching Netflix for a while. First I watched the “Beyond the Binary” episode of Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness, and then I watched Mae Martin’s new comedy special, Sap. And of course both of those have to do with gender stuff (at least in part), and both of them talked about growing up queer/GNC and having such a hard time and turning to drug abuse and other self-destructive behaviors, even though they were white, middle-class kids who were not kicked out by their parents. And I was like, oh hey, me too. And both shows made me cry, and it was good cathartic crying, but I still felt like shit afterwards. So then I started thinking about some ways to bring back some of the less-destructive aspects of my scumbag days back into my life, and I was still feeling sad, and then I decided to check in on the contest results of the WB Yeats Poetry Prize and the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize.

Both of them said they’d announce the contest winners on their websites sometime in or after March. The Yeats Prize said it would also contact the winners directly; the Ginsberg Prize said no such thing, but I assumed they would. Starting in mid-March, I was checking both sites every few days or so, and obsessively checking my email/snail mail. And nothing, nothing, nothing. The last time I’d checked the sites was April 3, and yesterday I was like: “Well, it’s been two weeks, there must be some news by now,” and I was assuming I would go on and see the list of winners and my name would not be there and maybe it was a bad idea because I was already feeling so crappy, but then I was also kinda like, well, I might as well get all the bad feelings out of the way at once. But still, on both websites, the most recent winner’s list was from 2022. And then, I shit you not, like eight minutes later, P. brought the mail in and handed me an envelope. Return address: The Poetry Center At Passaic County Community College, One College Blvd., Paterson, NJ. Location of the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize. My hands shook as I opened it. And…I fucking won! Not first, second, or third place, but I don’t even care because one of the poems I sent them (the one that is probably, in my opinion, among the best poems I’ve ever written, but also one of the riskiest) received an Editor’s Choice Award! And it’s gonna be published in the Spring 2024 issue of the Paterson Literary Review, and I’ve been invited to participate in the awards ceremony/reading there, next February.

I don’t even know how to express how much this means to me. Professionally, but also personally. Like, first of all, New Jersey is such a huge part of my personal mythology. I was conceived in New Jersey! So many of the people who have meant the most to me, personally/artistically, have New Jersey roots! Like Allen Ginsberg! And Jack Terricloth! And Bruce Springsteen! And my witchwife, Penny! And also just, well, I mean god, Allen Ginsberg. For better or worse, the Beat Generation and punk rock have been the most enduring influences on me/my writing, starting at a very young age, and Allen Ginsberg is definitely towards the very top of that “beat + punk influence list.” I just. Can’t. Fucking. Get Over It. Can’t quite believe it! I keep touching the letter they sent me to remind myself it’s real. (It’s on the Poetry Center’s official stationery, which is on beautiful, thick, creamy paper.) I keep blowing kisses at my framed photo of Ginsberg, one where he’s sitting at his typewriter, writing a poem.

—So yesterday evening, P. and I dropped the kids off at my folks’ house for a bit. We went to pick up takeout dinner for everyone, but also got to have a celebratory whiskey while we waited. And I stayed up late last night. First, I wrote a poem—guess I wasn’t totally tapped out, after all. Then I was just awake scheming and planning (and wishing and hoping). About immediate future stuff, like this year’s vegetable garden, and going through my books to find some to donate to the library’s book sale. As well as the positive scumbaggery I can reincorporate into my life—I remembered that I bought myself that stick n’ poke kit last year, so soon I’m gonna give myself a new tattoo; and I started thinking up ideas for a poetry wheatpaste project. And then—travel. I still wanna travel a bit this year, but I think I’m gonna keep it mostly midwest. Then, next year, I’m gonna head out east again finally, after all these years, for the awards ceremony, but I’m gonna try to book a mini-tour around it, and there will be old friends and new friends and old haunts and…yeah. I am so fucking ready.

—And today I’m sleep deprived, again—I was up late, and the kiddos once again got up stupid early. But I don’t even mind. I got some writing done and listened to some podcasts and oh, tomorrow I get to go see Bikini Kill. I’ve been waiting for this concert for over three years (from when I first bought the tickets in December 2019, before it got postponed many many times due to CoViD), but I’ve also been waiting for this concert since I was twelve—from when I first heard Bikini Kill, and wanted to go see them, but then they broke up before I got the chance. (And yeah, I saw Le Tigre a couple times, and that was fun, but not the same.) And there’s a lot of stuff going on right now that teen me and early-to-mid twenties me would be super stoked about—like the Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize, like seeing Bikini Kill, like stick n’ pokes and wheatpaste and travel plans. And that feels kinda great; showing my younger self that I am still rocking that shit at my advanced (haha) age. And just overall, things are so good lately. There is so much joy, even in the mundane. Even the bad shit doesn’t seem as bad as it did for a while, because in these past four months I have proven to myself that my life isn’t over, that I can still do rad shit, that I can still experience beauty and joy.

#ashtrayfloors #dear livejournal #also once again i don't feel like obsessively tagging this so:#i guess general cw #for food and sex and alcohol mentions #plus brief mentions of weird gender feels and drug abuse #and pms #plus some bragging #but this is generally a really positive entry

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happyspookysteamer · 1 year

Text

Letters to a Friend

Chapter 1

Old, worn out pistons could be heard working hard in one of the most severe downpours the island has ever seen. The skies were covered in clouds, with very little to no sunlight being able to pierce them. A goods train rumbled slowly through the countryside, though it rumbled louder than usual since the train was being pulled by the Railway’s number 5 engine. Smoke was billowing through his funnel and his wheels occasionally slipped. Rain pelted his boiler and the trucks behind him groaned. “I’m staring to understand where Henry is coming from” grumbled the red engine. “Well it's the last train, afterwards we are getting you home” His driver said, patting his side affectionately. Even they couldn’t avoid getting soaked, having raincoats crudely hung over their usual work uniforms. The poor engine was exhausted and frustrated. It was bad enough having to pull a goods train, and anybody will tell you why this engine is not the biggest fan of goods trains, but he also has to work in this weather going at a painfully slow speed.

The grumbling continued till the got to the Harbor. The already bad weather turned into a thunderstorm. The already loud docks became so much louder than usual. Cranky, though working hard, grumbled even louder than James. Speaking of the red engine, when James pulled in with his goods he barely heard salty pull up beside him through the business of the docks, “LOVELY DAY RIGHT MATEY?” Yelled the dockyard diesel loudly over the noise with a grin. “NO, QUITE THE OPPOSITE!” James yelled back. The crew jumped out to find the manager, and a few men came to uncouple James from his train. Thunder crashed, and the downpour became more intense. “YOU WON'T BE MAKING IT BACK TO TIDMOUTH UNTIL THIS STORM PASSES, I’M AFRAID” Salty yelled again. James just groaned loudly.

His driver and fireman returned to his cab. “Well then, old boy, We can put you in the goods shed for now just to get you out of this rain”. James gawked in disbelief at the idea first, but at the sound of thunder he quickly reconsidered, a roof over his smoke box is better than being outside in the rain. His crew rolled him away from his train, and salty shunted his train away. James made his way over to the goods shed. His crew turned him around with a set of Y rails and backed him up until the sound of the rain no longer bounced off of his form. Steam hissed from him like a sigh of relief, trying to come down from a stressful journey. His crew came out of his cab and knowing their engine they prepared some towels to dry him off.

James looked at them appreciatively. “You did good today Jim” His driver, Vance Jordan, patted him on the buffers before climbing onto his frame and drying off his face. “Thank you, Vance, and you too Wallace” Wallace Peterson, the fireman, gave his favorite engine an affectionate pat on the boiler. James is very happy to have these two men as is driver and fireman. He loved all the crew he ever had while in service, Even the more strict Laurence, a now retired driver from the 1930s. But these two men made it a point to take care of him. They reprimanded him when he messed up, yes, but over the years they have been able to form a bond and the three are extremely close.

James practically purred as his crew dried him off, Vance being extra careful drying the scar on the engine’s face. Though the accident was years ago, the red engine is sometimes still self-conscious about it if reminded of it. Vance, seeing James’s, crestfallen face, patted his engine gently on the cheek and finished drying him off. When he finished, he sat on James’s buffer beam and looked out into the pouring rain. Wallace joined them after he finished up as well and the two men unpacked some of their leftover food, Wallace gestured to James holding up what is left of his sandwich, basically asking James if he wants it. James opened his mouth as an answer, and Wallace chucked the sandwich in the engine’s mouth with an amused smile.

They stayed like this for a while, just relaxing. James and his crew just talked about the horrible weather, some of the other engines, James’s dislike of goods trains, bootlaces and anything that could make his paint dirty. As time wore on and his crew was getting cold, they considered finding warmer shelter. “We’d have-to drop James's fire if we leave, but we still have another train to take tonight and firing him up again would be a hassle”. “Plus I don't really feel like being alone in the cold, y know, not that pleasant”. James just put in. “He’s got a point, Vance”. “Well, I don't feel like freezing either.” said Vance in return. They thought about it for a while before they ultimately thought that they find some other way to keep themselves occupied.

Then Wallace came up with a strange idea. “Why don't we write a letter to someone? I don't know, like meet someone new, just to pass the time?” “Elaborate please?” Vance followed up. “Well, I was just thinking, do you remember old Turner?” “Barely” said Vance. “Wasn't he once a driver on the Culdee fell Railway?” said James. “Yep! He used to drive Wilfred, but he suffered an injury that he had to give up his job, and during the war while in service, he had a pen-pal in America that he would write during his spare time. They became the best of friends and met after the war.”

“So you want us to just write somebody randomly?” said James skeptically. “Plus, what would we even say?” said Vance, having a similar stance to James. “It... It would kinda give us something to do to pass the time, y know? And we could, uh… write to an Engine! And their Crew! So James can also help with the letter, come on, it could be fun!” “To be fair Vance, we really have nothing else better to do at the moment, and you could watch my fire.” said James. Vance gave in.

Wallace grabs his raincoat and sprints into the rain, yelling, “I’LL BE BACK!” James and Vance wait staring back out at the pouring rain in silence till they hear running footsteps going through puddles toward them. Wallace looks poofier, this is because, as he will explain “I got us some blankets from the station to keep warm aaaand… I found this!” After he tosses the blanket that was stored in his jacket over to Vance, he also pulls out what looks like a book. “And that is?” said James. “This, my friend, is an address book that the manager let me borrow. There are railways and other companies that are in our supply chain, for example on the mainland, Spain and France. We could just pick one of the addresses, aaand just write a letter?” “To the company, Wallace?” said Vance. “I was thinking that we write to an anonymous engine, y know, slap a number on it and see if the engine and crew responds”. James looked at Vance, “We really have nothing better to do?”

Wallace pouted and sat on James’s buffer beam. He wrapped himself in his blanket and scooted closer to Vance. He pulled out a pun and paper and used the book as a hard surface to write on. “Look, let's just start off by writing down what we would say to a potential pen pal and then think about where to send it.” James and Vance looked down at the paper and pen on Wallace’s lap. He started off the letter with introducing himself, Vance and James. The red engine legitimately thought about it. “Oh well, I guess there is no harm” said James. They ended up spending quite some time on this letter. Vance constantly doting on Wallace’s Grammar and James being the one who was coming up with what to write. As they finished, it was starting to get dark. The rain let up a bit and James and his crew took the opportunity to get back to the sheds at Tidmouth, so they could warm up in the crew shed until the next train.

#its my first fic cut me some slack plz #i apologise in advance for my grammar #thomas and friends #thomas the tank engine #ttte #ttte fanfic #ttte james #james the splendid engine #james the red engine #james makes a new friend #ttte oc #letters to a friend

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