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eamour · 1 month

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all about techniques.

there are so so many techniques and methods that people have come up with to make manifesting easier and more entertaining. so, let’s talk about the most important points when practicing those techniques!

manifestation techniques.

a technique in terms of manifesting is a method to make you experience the satisfaction of your desire within your imagination. it does not only make manifesting easier and more enjoyable for you but it also helps you to shift your concept of self. you can use any technique to help you embody or identify with your desire.

techniques don’t manifest.

the problem with techniques in manifestation (such as visualisation, affirmations, sats, the "i am/void"-state) is that people tend to assign power to these techniques — more power than to themselves.

again, a method is supposed to HELP and ASSIST you. it’s not doing any of the creating-your-reality work, unlike you. YOU are indeed manifesting things into your reality, with or without a technique. remember. you are manifesting at all times, you are occupying all sorts of states throughout the day, making your current state of consciousness manifest. are you scripting for each state which you NATURALLY shift to? no matter what technique you do, its only purpose is to help you create experiences you would like to have mentally. that’s where all manifestations take place first — in the MIND. not because you have written it down on paper.

all techniques are equal.

when i say "equal", i'm not saying that each technique is the same in terms of what you're doing and how you're doing it. no, all techniques are equal because they all FUNCTION equally and guarantee the same results. no technique works better than the other. no technique is either superior, or inferior.

here's the thing: the reason why people say "this technique works so much better and faster for me!" is because they favour it. they enjoy doing it. doing the technique feels natural to them and doesn’t require a lot of effort. it’s not something that they have to bring themselves to do with force — they LIKE doing it. that’s because we are all different. i know people who could write a fucking novel with the scripts they have in mind. then i know people who love to affirm whenever they can because they think it’s convenient for them to do. and then there is me who loves to listen to music and visualise my desired scenes. what we have in common is that we do all these techniques because they suit us and we can choose to try any other technique whenever we want. we aren’t tied to one technique only. sometimes i end up writing a whole list of things that i want to have, accept it as mine, and go on with my day. works JUST as well as visualising.

please, do not …

... force it · for example, the scenes you could visualise when trying to fulfill yourself or let yourself experience a scenario you desire should come to you naturally. the affirmation you would like to use should feel natural to you. a technique is always something you choose to do voluntarily. it isn’t a rule you need to follow. you're not obligated to do this exact technique for this long and that many days, and so on.

... perfect it · when you do a technique, it’s not your goal to do it as perfect and as accurate as possible. you don’t have to visualise a picture perfect scene, nor will you fail to manifest if you miss to affirm the rest of your affirmations-list. you can forget details when scripting, be as detailed or vague in your visual scenes, or only affirm one single affirmation — that’s perfectly fine! your perfect scene in imagination or your affirmations aren’t what makes it perfect in the physical world, it’s the FEELING you get from it. if you can perfectly FULFILL yourself, then it will be perfectly reflected back to you in its physical form. inner acceptance is what creates fulfillment, not the perfection of a technique.

... complicate it · a technique cannot put you into a spiral and make you question your whole reality just because you think you haven’t done it "correctly". there is no right way to do a technique and no fixed way to practice it. do whatever you like and however you like it!

... follow others · now, you can definitely try a technique that seems interesting to you, that has been introduced to you by others or that you think will be enjoyable. nevertheless, a technique that feels normal and natural to others doesn’t have to feel normal and natural to you. don’t commit to doing something because you think or you've been told that this is the technique you need to do in order to manifest your desire.

no have to's, only want to's.

the premise of each and every technique is that you WANT to do it. there is no forcing, no pushing, no "need to" or "have to". it’s personal, it’s something YOU like doing, not what the bigger collective seems to be practicing. this is what i always remind myself of when practicing anything loa related: you cannot commit to something you dont love, you’ll cheat. meaning, you won’t be able to do a technique properly (as in, having and being), therefore won’t change self and remain the exact same.

if you like visualising, do it! if you like affirming all the time, do it! if you like counting your affirmations, do it! if you like scripting, do it! if you do the lullaby method before going to bed, do it! if you like rampaging after you wake up, do it! again, you are the creator and you choose which technique(s) suits you the best.

what to do.

when manifesting with the help of a technique, focus on inner acceptance. accept your desire as factual. make it a present, undeniable fact. because accepting your desire to be true means to identify with it in imagination, therefore you BE or HAVE it. that’s your goal, that’s your priority.

with love, ella.

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edapparently · 5 months

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James Somerton Sucks For Many Reasons. But Also His Opinion On Heartstopper...

Ok so I was watching Todd in the Shadows' video on fact-checking James Somerton's vids (of course after having watched Hbomberguy's video). And a clip played of James lying (again) about straight white women complaining about a gay show. Except he mentions at the end of the sentence that these supposed people were "exposed to gay content for the first time in their lives via Heartstopper".

19:18 - https://youtu.be/A6_LW1PkmnY?t=1158

Now idk if that was supposed to be a joke or if that reflects any of his actual opinions on it (it's not like he's known for telling the truth anyway now tho)

But I'd just like to say anyway [this ties back into James I swear just bear with me]

I'm 18 years old now and I'm still dealing with issues cause by the homophobia I experienced in high school. And one of the few things that got me through it was when I got the first volume of Hearstopper when I was 16. And that actually was MY first real exposer to properly gay content. ME. Another gay boy. Not a straight woman.

And not only that, but it was the first time that I took in a piece of media and could honestly say "I see myself in this"

It was the first time I felt really seen and felt like I had my issues understood. And even as I've gotten slightly older through the two years, they've still been able to help me.

My friends will know that I've been struggling a lot with certain mental health issues that affect my physical health too. And I only realised how bad my problem really is and how much its been affecting me when I read volumes 3 and 4 and saw Charlie dealing with almost the exact same problem. I had been in such denial about it and worrying that it wasn't even real that I hadn't even considered it. But reading about him suffering from and eventually admitting to his problem and trying to get help made me think about what I had been experiencing. And gave me some perspective as to what exactly was happening in head and to my body.

The reason I'm saying all this is because I'm trying to show that these books about gay teenagers are REALLY good at portraying the experiences of gay teenagers. (At least based on my own personal life, Ik it could be very different for others and that's still valid) and they made me understand that what I had been through and am still dealing with because of that; are not isolated incidents and that I am not alone.

And James... someone who tried to give off the impression that he knows a lot about queer culture. Used it as an example of mindless romance fluff...

Which I think shows:

His lack of understanding of what it is actually like growing up as a gay boy in our current time. (Again, not trying to speak for everyone but it's very accurate to my own life)

And

2. His unwillingness/disinterest to look into what the books actually contain and how readers may respond to it.

[Also I just realised after typing all this that he could have meant the Netflix show, which imo wasn't as good but I think my point still stands?]

#hbomberguy #james somerton #heartstopper

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evilminji · 4 months

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I'ma be bold! Marvel Time!

Wakanda has Vibranium. An impossible mineral that does not see like it could form naturally, right? Or there would be far more in the wider universe then just the few bits we see.

You know what ELSE is impossibly rare, minerals wise?

Ectoranium. The disasteroid. And! From Wakandan oral history? The two seem to have appeared in the EXACT SAME WAY. Out of no where. Through, very possibly, the EXACT SAME rarely opening portal. If? On the other side? There was an asteroid belt of some kind?

It would only take things aligning just right, for one to slip through.

We KNOW materials from the Zone effect the living world in strange ways. Vibranium could very well just be the dead reflection of a mineral from a different, more durable, universe. The Zone is Infinite, so it would mix pretty much EVERYTHING together into a chaotic mess.

So there could be a considerable amount of Vibranium asteroids just hanging around.

But! And more importantly! Getting hit by, then LIVING OVER, a massive fuck off Zone Rock? Would expose Wakandans to generations of Ectoplasm. ESPECIALLY with how Vibranium, by nature, holds a "charge" if you will. It would be a heat lamp of Limnality. Making everyone near it?

Better.

Not superhuman. Not fully Limnal. Because Vibranium HOLDS a charge. That Ectoplasmic energy would be stuck INSIDE the metal. Unable to truely effect anyone who isn't directly touching it. Even then, BARELY seeping into them. But? It WOULD leech, slowly, into everything around it.

The air, the water, the soil.

The PLANTS. That precious, precious, SACRED Herb.

Over time? It would loosen the ties that bind. Those pesky human limitations. Sure, it would say, grow smarter. Stronger. Live longer, better lives. Knees that ache less, backs that do not bend, bones that do not succumb. You're still human! Your DNA no different.

It's just the strength of your SOUL poking through.

Would anyone notice, if it happened slowly? Over enough generations? It's normal. Everyone here is like this. It's not superhuman. Just... HEALTHY, right? A good diet and plenty of exercise? That is what makes our skin clear and eyes sharp, teeth strong and feet sure. Right?

That healthy diet of... what was it again?

Ah yes, Ectoplasmicly charged plants? Sweet fruits and healthy vegetables. Water purged of contamination by the Ectoplasm to devours all but itself? So very crisp! Is it not?

Houses made of materials charged with it. Resting in beds, beneath covers and cloth, woven with it. Walking upon streets paved with it. What in Wakanda is NOT touched by it? In some form? Some way? Gently bathing all who live there in its unseen light?

And, tell me, WHERE do you go again? When you fall? When you join your Panther God? Mmmhmm, pockets within pockets. Lairs and territories. The Zone itself may be green, but a Lair can be what ever it's Master chooses.

But! Why do I bring this up? That the Afterlives are no doubt connected? After all, it's not like the Master's of those Lair's, the Gods that are worshipped, would just... LET people leave. It defeats the purpose of creating an "Afterlife"!

But, again! Consider! The Panther God loves the Wakandan Royal Family. They are loyal worshipers. The Panther Gods responsibility. And? The rather newly dead T'Chaka, former monarch (and thus rather informed of all the major concerns of a nation) of Wakanda, has informed the Panther God that? Gasp!

The Vibranium is, at generations long last, about to run out.

Their people are in danger.

Please! Do something!

The God can not. Buuuut... the "ghost king" of the space between, can. He must go, on a Dangerous And Heroic Soul Pilgrimage(tm) to meet with this mysterious king. Negotiate for his son and people. T'Chaka, a brave and dignified king, will of course face this challenge with all that he is.

It's very Alice in Wonderland. (The poor man.)

But the Black Panther manages to get to the still under construction castle none the less. Lead by a delightful, if mischievous, young girl by the name of "Dani" (with an i). Who reminds him, somewhat painfully, of his daughter Shuri when she was younger.

The King of the Between is a... young man.

Busy putting constellations on the ceiling, he pays them little mind. Until Dani calls out to him. Revealing that exactly like Shuri, she was a princess all along. He can see the resemblance.

He explains his issue, prepared to argue his case for however long he must. Instead he is just met with long soul searching look, a glance to Dani (who appears to vouch for him), and a nod. He is baffled. It... so easily?

People need help, he is informed. That's reason enough. Besides, Dani says you're not a fruitloop. And the young king trusts her judgment.

Let's go get your people some rocks.

(You can imagine, the ABSOLUTE SHIT STORM. Mentally, Emotionally, Politically, when the GHOST of the FORMER KING just? Shows up! Broad daylight! In the royal yard in from of the palace with a GIANT piece of Vibranium and a foreign King of The Dead.

Father... WHY. Don't get T'Challa wrong, he is about to cry he's so happy to see you. But? In PUBLIC, Father? In front of his delicious Wakandan Salad? Stop being so amused you old cat! This isn't FUNNY! Now I have to deal with this! T^T )

@hdgnj @hypewinter @the-witchhunter @ailithnight @nerdpoe

#dp x marvel #dp x mcu #dpxmarvel

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lost-decade · 4 days

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Dance AU + Criminal AU for any fic involving nico?

Thanks for asking! I enjoyed writing this a lot. Vague angsty past brocedes and a bit of Nico/Mick

There’s a painting in Nico’s office in Nice, above the desk so he doesn’t have to look at it very often; first thing in the morning and again in the evening when he leaves. A small reminder of where he began. A little needle of what might have been, and what didn’t come to pass. It keeps him honest, that memory.

It isn’t his own exact likeness, the painting, although people always assume it is and Nico lets them. A beautiful boy, eighteen, nineteen maybe, backstage at a theatre perhaps, en pointe, arms outstretched, angel wings folded on his back. In the corner of the painting there’s a mirror, the reflection of a demon’s face, flared in red, eyes glittering. It had been a gift from one of his father’s friends, the summer before he took up his place at Juilliard.

“You are the dancer,” Michael had said, grinning at him as Nico had stared, transfixed, at the image in the frame. “And who will be your demon?”

Nico had felt honoured, and unsettled, the way he always did when Michael gave him gifts. He wasn’t stupid, he knew the nature of his father’s business, of Michael’s, and wanted nothing to do with either.

Later he’d found out the painting was a long vanished Wyeth; but he’d already discovered his demon by then.

Or was Lewis the angel?

He’s stared at that painting for hours across the years and still never been able to make up his mind. Sometimes he thinks Michael only gave it to him as a punishment for turning him down, or because Keke broke their business ties, as if he thought Nico would be stupid enough to display it and get arrested or something.

He hadn’t displayed it, not for years. But it’s different now; there’s enough security staff in the building, cameras he can dial into on his phone. If Lewis or another one of his colleagues from Interpol were to somehow make it through to Nico’s office the Wyeth would already be in the vault by then, something legitimate in its place.

He checks his schedule. It’s been a quiet few months, a lull of the sort that he likes to engineer in between big scores. The buyer in Qatar he thought he’d found for the Brancusi had fallen through and now he’s stuck with a quite identifiable sizable brass cock in a warehouse in Amsterdam that he needs to figure out how to sell. He leans back in his leather Eames office chair, hands clasped as he considers his latest distraction.

It’s salt in the wound, always, returning to New York, to Juilliard. That’s partly why Nico does it. Scene of his dreams before they dissolved. No one in his life now knows why he walks with a cane, just that something happened once upon a time in New York and that when Keke’s prodigal son had returned to Europe all dreams of dancing had been abandoned, the fancy forced aside allowing Nico to take up his mantle in the family business.

He’s made it his own since then, even branching out. The forgery arm that he’d created has proved more lucrative than his dad’s old fashioned brand of thievery; easier to find someone who’s good at painting than it is to break a team of men into the Uffizi in the middle of the night. Still, sometimes he gets lucky with that. Sometimes there are boys who will do anything because they believe Nico might love them, that he even knows what love is, anymore.

The jet touches down, a car waiting to take him to the opening night of the New York City Ballet’s fall gala. It’s not really Nico’s type of ballet, this one tonight, he prefers the classics but the dancers are undoubtedly skilled. When he was young, having two men dance a pas-de-deux for an actual public performance was unheard of. There’s something about it that twists in his stomach, a memory that he allows only because he knows it makes him stronger.

Mick is part of the ensemble, talented enough, yet miles away from the skill of the leads, Nico can see it. He watches them again, the principal dancers, the hypnotic motion of their bodies, the love story played out in the fluidity of their limbs. He sees himself, who he was before. Himself…Lewis. The Lewis he thought he knew, not the Lewis who was his enemy.

His ankle throbs. A gunshot to the achilles does that to you, even so many years later.

“Can I ask you about this,” Mick says, later that evening when they’re splayed out naked atop the sheets, bodies damp with perspiration. Nico's hotel room of course, not Mick's student digs, no matter how nice they are now.

Fucking Mick is a delight heightened by just how much Nico knows Michael would hate it. Giving to the son what he had denied the father. Mick rubs his big toe over the scarred mess of Nico’s right heel. None of his other lovers has ever dared to ask that question. Nico admires the bravura. He turns onto his back, sliding a hand down Mick’s taut stomach. Oh to be so young. Nico is in shape, he eats healthily, goes to the gym four times a week, but still Mick’s twenty years feels like a lifetime away, both physically and mentally.

“My dance partner put a bullet in me,” Nico says, matter of factly. “He wasn’t who I thought he was.” They were learning each other, not the choreography. All along. Learning how to unravel, searching out any weak spots. Maimed but not caught, though. Nico has never seen the inside of a cell.

Mick winces, rolls over to look at him. “That’s rough.”

“Tell me about it. But I guess, in some ways we’re still dancing.” He pauses. “So there’s another reason I came to visit you, actually. Do you know the Whitney Museum? There’s something I’d like you to do for me.”

#brocedes #mick/nico #my fic #definitely channelling donna tartt with this one

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quietwingsinthesky · 24 days

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I completely agree with your post about 11 and how well Matt Smith embodies the exact necessary tone/expression for each beat of the script! I can't imagine someone else being able to bring to life that incarnation of the Doctor. Obviously 11's era and writing has its misgivings and flaws, but I still find a lot of joy rewatching those episodes, because you see this scared, lonely doctor who's still so enthusiastic and hopeful, even when the grief and rage gets to him. It's like seeing those emotions reflected in you, and a reminder that you'll feel that hope and appreciation for life/nature again, too. I think that emotional catharsis and sincerity is the heart of doctor who and what attracts us all to the show, to be given reminders that compassion and hope are a strength, not a weakness. Seeing his expression change during that part of The Doctor's Wife always, always moves me because of the kind of honor and awe that dawns on 11's face at his tardis using the exact words he uses to describe how he stole her. It's such beautiful, tender reciprocity between two beings that couldn't communicate their feelings in this way until right then 💜

yeah, couldn’t have worded it better myself if i tried.

i think i’ve said before that eleven is my least favorite doctor, but i need to make it clear that that doesn’t even come close to me disliking him, or even feeling neutral about him. he’s still incredible, like if we put these guys on a line from bad to amazing, all of them are so close to the amazing side that you’d have to zoom in to see the order. he’s just got the unfortunate fate of being in the weakest seasons of the show that i’ve seen so far, but if i was judging this solely off of the performance of the doctor himself? he’d be tied right there with david tennant, if not above him.

no matter the quality of the writing, matt smith is bringing his A game to the table. tennant’s performance before him has moments where his doctor is serious and cold, but he’s so generally affable that those moments sort of slide off to the sides. not that you forget about it, but that it feels like a lesser part of him. and matt smith’s performance follows that with a doctor who is silly and energetic and sweet, but I think he pulls off keeping the harder parts of the doctor to swallow in mind, the scary sides of his grief and anger. some of my favorite scenes for eleven are when he’s given the space to show the full range of the doctor. the two that really come to mind are obviously that moment in the doctor’s wife, and my other stand-out favorite, his scenes with river in angels in manhattan, where we watch him lash out at her when he’s scared and angry at the fact that it was her name on the book that’s fated his friends to be pulled from him, and then a scene later, he heals her wrist by sacrificing what little regeneration energy he has left, because he does love her, he does know he was wrong to let her be hurt, but he also doesn’t ask if he can do this to fix things beforehand and upsets her again.

it’s just such a delicate balance to pull off there to make that scene work, and he does it perfectly, brings across both how much potential he has as the doctor to hurt and to heal the people he loves. i think, in the hands of any other actor, i would find eleven really hard to watch, really unlikeable. but just like he manages to never let you forget those unbearably painful parts of the doctor’s personality, you also never doubt that, even when he lashes out at the people around him, he loves them so much. he’s just. you know. Going Through It.

(also, personal touch, i so love how physically affectionate he portrays the doctor to be. it’s a small touch that means the world to me. really pulls the whole thing together when you know this man is just jumping for an opportunity to hug and hold onto and kiss the people around him. rory getting a forehead kiss when the doctor sees him for the first time in months, my beloved, rotating that moment in my head forever.)

there’s just so much going on with him. he was a fantastic doctor. (hell, all the people that have gotten to play the doctor so far have been, in my eyes, which is astounding to me. just straight bangers the whole way through, i’m incredibly impressed by how much love and work you can see go into these performances.) i think if i rewatch his seasons again, knowing exactly what to expect this time around, i’ll enjoy them much more than i did the first time.

sorry for rambling on so long, but i just need it known how much i really do love eleven. i needed a bit to warm up to smith, i’ll admit, but he earned every last bit of praise i can give him.

#ask #doctor who #the doctor #eleventh doctor

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homosexualtransexual · 7 months

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okay i was thinking about this meme earlier and it really ground my gears bc its like... not true?

like first of all ik this is a little hyperbole and Not Exact but i still wanna talk about it a lil.

so like first of all the concept art i think this is based off is very early when elsa was the villain and looked a lot different to anna and anna looked the same but her silhouette was different

and it does look cool and i do love it but this doesn't fit the direction the film went it so they changed it.

and you wanna know what much later concept art looked like?

kinda exactly like the film. bc the concept art changes. and its the same for other disney films.

here's some tarzan early concept art vs the later ones

the beast looks like a completely different species here than the completely different species he is in the later ones.

and like ik the frozen one is more dramatic of a change but the point is they all change for reasons and so does the plot and the actors and the script and everything changes.

but also like idk if Frozen is the film you wanna go for when you're talking about boring character design. so lets go through elsa and anna's journeys (just frozen 1 bc its 3am and im tired i just can't sleep until i finish this rant).

so the first time we see elsa and anna are at 7 and 5 years old respectively. as you can see, they both wear clothes simmilar to clothes theyre gonna wear later in the film. elsas clothes, hair, and colour scheme are very similar to what she transforms into at the end of let it go: hair braided and a very simple light blue dress. anna's look reflects her at elsa's coronation: a green dress with her hair tied back.

if we look at elsa at her coronation, it's very different from what she wears from the rest of the film. it's still got shades of blue, but they're all much darker and it contains 2 colours she will never wear again in the enterity of the franchise, let alone the film: black and purple. it's also the only time that she wears something that covers her from neck to toe. in addition, her hair is pinned up. to me this represents her repression of her power at the fear that she can't use them or she'll hurt someone or worse: anna.

lets move on to what anna wears at the coronation. its like a final evolution of the same dress she's been wearing the whole time. this shows that she hasn't really had to repress and can continue being her true self at the coronation. im gonna move on quickly because theres something more exciting that happens to anna's look very quickly

SHE'S WEARING A MORE CORMFORTABLE AND SLIGHTLY BLUER VERSION OF ELSA'S CORONATION DRESS! AHHH I LOVE THIS DESIGN SO MUCH EVEN HER HAIR IS DOWN HOW CAN ANYONE HATE THIS FILM'S CHARACTER DESIGN.

okay lemme calm down

its like a tactic when you're finding someone to ask yourself "what what they do?" you put yourself in their shoes and try and see things from their point of view. anyways anna is doing that with her clothes and its might be my favourite costume from the films? she wants to find elsa and help her and isn't scared of elsa even so much that she wants to be her. it's just so good. anyways moving on

THIS iconic masterpiece. what the discourse is all about. like obviously it's less extravagant than the concept art but first of all the details? the snowflakes coming up from the dress? my girl just learned how to make dresses and already made a masterpiece with ICE! but then also this is representing her being someone who she couldn't have been since she was 7! imagine that! having to repress who you are, not being able to explore yourself and your abilities because you're scared it could hurt someone. and if elsa wasn't taught to be scared of her powers she wouldnt have tried to push anna way and freezing her heart and i just went far off topic.

but anyways this is like kinda why i hate this discourse bc yeah the original wouldve looked cooler but cooler doesnt mean better for the film and i also might have a small special interest in frozen who knows

#concept art #discourse #frozen #elsa #anna #long post #disney #character design

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oddygaul · 3 months

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Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, and also just Scott Pilgrim

-footage from Rebuild of Scott Pilgrim

I watched Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, then realized it had been nearly 15 years since I actually read the comics, so then I re-read all of those. I wish I had just done it in the right order to begin with, because doing it this way really scrambled my thoughts about both works. In my defense, how was I to know Takes Off is actually a sequel? What am I supposed to do, read things?

I was pleased to find that the original Scott Pilgrim honestly holds up pretty well. Takes Off is clearly such a reflective work that I was expecting to find the original story a lot more problematic than I had in high school, but… for the most part, it really knows what it’s doing. Yeah, a lot of the characters are shitbirds, but they’re meant to be shitbirds. The entire point of the book is showing us flawed people who intermittently make shitty decisions, and giving them a chance to grow, reflect, and treat the people around them better.

So generally, I still really liked Scott Pilgrim. All the goofy-ass character art and the surreal, unexplained quasi-fantasy Canada bits that made it tick back then still work. This time around, I really appreciated the writing and dialogue for not only its bevy of solid jokes, but for how fucking weird it is. In the past decade or so, I think a lot of ‘quirky’ humor has homogenized somewhat into a particular tone. Call it Whedonization or globalization or internet brain or whatever you want, but it can sometimes feel like anything aiming to be comedic hits a lot of the same beats.

The Scott Pilgrim comics, however, are a weird time capsule and their own vibe entirely. These fuckers just talk like aliens sometimes. They say random stuff, but it’s not *holds up spork* random, it’s “shit sorry I was kind of half listening but I think the thing I’m about to say is relevant” random. It’s less big swings to try and land a punchline, and more of two people letting loose a stream of consciousness at each other, lending a sense of constant confusion to the proceedings. It’s absolute nonsense sometimes, and I was way into it.

This ties into a slight shift in my read on Scott as a character, too. I always just saw him as a huge asshole - and that led to my biggest issue with the movie, which was that Cera plays him way too meek and doesn’t suck nearly enough. Reading the comics again, though, while Scott absolutely does suck, he’s just so fucking head empty that I warmed up to him a bit more. He’s still an asshole that doesn’t take responsibility for how his actions affect others, absolutely, but also god damn he’s so dumb that it softens the blow sometimes.

There were some little details about characters I’d forgotten that I really love - like the fact that Scott is actually a really good cook, but does it purely through intuition without knowing what anything’s called.

Art-wise, I liked it a lot more than I remembered, too; it definitely starts out a bit rough, but there’s a lot of charm to the characters and their weird gremlin mouths. I also laughed at some of the manga inspiration I didn’t pick up on before; everyone’s got big anime eyes, sure, but the grey screentone Clip Studio pattern fills? The hiring of assistants to do polished background work as the author gets into the later volumes? Ahh, classic.

Takes Off was a lot of fun, too. I gather that a lot of the internet fandom is upset it wasn’t a straight retelling of the original story with killer animation, but man, you gotta let creators create what speaks to them. Bryan Lee O’Malley started Scott Pilgrim twenty years ago. He’s been both married and divorced since then. Surely he’s gone through as much growth and change as we all would in such a timespan - how could you expect someone to just re-tread the exact same ground on such a personal story?

I find it interesting how prevalent this trend has become in the past decade or so - a creator or creative team returning to an old work - seemingly out of necessity, as the IP has become such a juggernaut that it’ll happen with or without them - and refusing to just tell the story again by the numbers. Anno’s Rebuild of Evangelion is the closest spiritually to this, but even recent ‘remakes’/reboots like Final Fantasy VII and God of War 2018 have followed the same path - creators ruminating on the strengths and weaknesses of older work from a more distant lens to create something new. They all seem to have arrived at this methodology independently, too (O’Malley said he only watched the Rebuilds once Takes Off was written and well underway); it’s not about chasing the trend of an altered remake, it seems to just be a natural desire to reckon with the past this way.

Because of this, one of the reasons I really wish I watched the show after re-reading the comics is to have a better sense of the evolution, and the change in tone and message. Due to watching Takes Off while having only a hazy recollection of the original, I made a lot of assumptions about how the original work must have portrayed things, to explain what Takes Off’s themes were a rejection of: that by giving Ramona more agency, she’s less of a damsel in distress/prize to be won, and isn’t defined by her body count… when in fact, neither of those are really the case to begin with. Ramona has plenty of agency in Scott Pilgrim, she fights as much as Scott does, and really is only defined by her body count as narrative framework, not judged in-universe by the other characters* **.

*I think some of these misconceptions may have come from having rewatched the movie more recently than I read the comics, as the movie (if I remember correctly, which this entire blog has established I likely don’t) does tend to treat Ramona as more of an passive object. Her subservience to Gideon in the real world (rather than in her subspace mind prison) comes to mind.

**Also, you could argue that the framework of the story itself being ‘guy fight’s girl’s evil exes in order to earn the right to date her’ is inherently placing importance on Ramona’s body count and someone’s romantic eligibility/desirability being defined by that but like… man that just is clearly not the vibe imo

If anything, I think the real lack that the show was trying to make up for wasn’t Ramona’s lack of agency, exactly, but a lack of screentime. Takes Off simply spends more time inside Ramona’s head, letting us see things from her perspective, and understanding the reasons for why she is the way she is and why she does the things she does. In some volumes of the book, she’s aloof almost to the point of feeling like a trope; it’s clear (especially later on) that there’s a reason for the way she acts, but the story just doesn’t necessarily communicate it very well. In the show, with Scott sidelined, we get to spend a lot of time with Ramona, understanding her thoughts and feelings, which is certainly a welcome change.

Anyway, intentions of the changes aside, I wouldn’t trade Takes Off for a straight remake in a thousand years; the sense of utter surprise I felt while watching the story take a hard left turn was exhilarating***. Plus, if the reason you love a series is the characters you’ve developed a bond with, what could be better than canonized fan fiction written by the original creator, showing your favorite characters interacting in new and novel ways? How could one not be excited to see Gideon and Lucas bro out and watch anime together? How could one not be thrilled to see Wallace Wells enact further chaos upon the whole province? More than righting storytelling wrongs, Takes Off is making space to tell more stories and round out everyone’s favorite supporting characters in a franchise that, due to the inherent density of its plot and setup, simply hasn’t had the real estate to develop all of them and let them breathe.

***Having just played through NieR recently, I almost felt like the show had scanned me, detected I had gotten Scott Pilgrim Ending A before, and was throwing some NG+ bonus content at me lmao

As far as the production goes, I was impressed overall, but thought it did suffer from some awkward timing and pacing issues. It’s stiff competition when your inevitable point of comparison is an Edgar Wright movie - even other live-action movies can seem stiff and slow compared to his frenetic pacing and constant cuts - but it still felt remarkably low energy at times, especially in the back half. Now, this is a problem you see a lot in anime dubs; English and Japanese are two very different languages, with different cadences and construction. Since a cast is typically required to dub over already existing animation, the translated dialogue often ends up being elongated and unnatural when it should be a quick back and forth, or hurried where it should have a little more breathing room. Given, though, that Takes Off was not only recorded in English before Japanese, but actually recorded before animation then animated to the dialogue (exceedingly uncommon), I was surprised the show still had this issue.

Regardless, the boarding in the first 4 episodes or so manages to be bombastic enough that this isn’t a problem; there’s a lot of wild camera angles and perspective shifts that keep things dynamic even when the dialogue itself isn’t moving too quickly. The animation highlight for me personally was the fight in the video store between Ramona and Roxy; great idea, incredible execution.

While Science Saru is the main production studio, I was intrigued to spy a bunch of other studios listed in the credits - WIT, Shaft, Ufotable, Trigger - but upon some further research it looks like they were just doing inbetween work.

Also the music includes slapped - I was jamming hard to Kidnapped by Neptune and Konya wa Hurricane, and then that United States of Whatever drop? unreal.

#will's media thoughts / virtual brain repository #shows #comics #scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgrim

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 year

Note

So I saw this post going around a bit ago saying that it was endo/nondisordered systems that spread support for osddid systems and pushed for more research of traumagenic systems and idk how true that is considering back then, systems were under the MPD dx before they changed the dx in the DSM. MPD was not the same thing as an endo system, but rather most likely either a traumagenic osddid system that didn’t have a proper understanding bc psychologists didn’t get it yet or a person w bpd schema modes that people misunderstood as an osddid system. (Not to say that systems with bpd don’t exist, we’re one such system, but the two are not the same thing). Idk. I feel like it’s in bad faith for endos to say “we’re responsible for why you have research at all btw”. I’m almost positive it’s just regular traumagenic systems who did not have the same knowledge and research we have now pushing for that/fighting for ourselves.

I'm not sure if I'm misreading or misunderstanding, feel free to correct me! There's a few points I'm going to touch on, though, just to cover all the bases. Settle in.

This is actually a really common myth I see from endos-- that MPD either included endogenic systems, and/or that MPD didn't require distress or trauma, and that the change to DID excluded all these systems by... requiring dysfunction? This chart is often used to showcase the differences between the disorders and how the disorders became "more restrictive", excluding systems from the diagnosis.

Which is a weird argument-- If MPD supposedly pathologized all plural experiences by not including distress or trauma in its criteria, wouldn't you hate MPD more than DID? And yet there's a HUGE community of systems that prefer the MPD diagnosis over DID for weird reasons.

However.

The truth of the matter is that MPD and DID are the exact same disorder, renamed. Even as MPD, it still required trauma and dysfunction for diagnosis (it even still talked about it being a childhood disorder), but even back then, no one read the whole goddamn entry for MPD. From the DSM III.

It's a very frustrating running theme.

The only thing that changed was the name, and it wasn't changed because they didn't believe in the diagnosis. All five were renamed to reflect a better understanding of the mechanisms behind the disorder and dissociation in general. I guess they didn't believe in any of these disorders.

What's really interesting is the changes that were made from the DSM III to the DSM III-TR (PDF). Here's a few choice changes for those on a phone.

(Most interesting to me are the changes to the amnesia criteria)

As you can see, the changes actually significantly expanded the criteria to include more presentations.

The DSM IV is where the name was changed to DID. In less than two years, the DSM IV TR would be released where all of the "cautionary" statements about overdiagnosis of DID would be removed, and we all know what the DSM 5 looks like.

SO.

What were endo/nondisordered systems doing around this time?

Why, being fucking douchebags of course.

The DSM IV was released in 1994, and in 1995, Astaeasweb was started. They were the first major group in this clusterfuck. They were the first to describe "non disordered" plurality, and soon after coined "natural multiplicity".

This was the start of the endogenic movement.

And all they did during that time was call for the boycott of MPD and DID.

"This DID boycott in particular held significance because it caused extreme harm to people with DID/OSDD. This boycott was intrinsically tied to both the anti-psych and natural multiplicity movements. Boycotters often held the belief that DID/OSDD weren’t real and should be removed from diagnostic manuals. Pages on natural and empowered multiplicity tended to go hand-and-hand with boycotting the DID diagnosis as well as boycotting psychiatry or psychology. As a result, this boycott impacted both society’s and psychology’s perceptions of DID/OSDD, and left lasting effects on the DID/OSDD community."

Pluraldeepdive, links and archives in post, check them out, they're an amazing resource.

It was around 1998 that the divide began between "empowered multiples" and "survivor multiples". This is where the real ableism started.

The 2000s introduced the "Healthy Multiplicity" movement. "The purpose of this movement was to establish that plural experiences were not pathological. Participants in this movement often insisted that childhood trauma or abuse could not cause plurality or multiplicity." [x]

This is where we start to see the rise of what is now the endo community, built off the boycott and definitions that were continually being twisted until they lost all meaning.

It went from, "MPD isn't a disorder," to "trauma doesn't define us," to "you don't need trauma at all".

And so it goes, on and on, until today.

A lot of these groups didn't call for more research and they twisted research that was already in use. In fact, in 2003, Pavillion, one of these groups, set their sights on the DID wiki. "The Pavilion organization used a system called action alerts to keep track of various DID-related events or articles. Pavilion members would then coordinately inject controversy and natural multiplicity theories into these spaces."

So in actuality, they were actively fighting and hindering research at the time.

I don't think it matters whether they were actually DID or not-- the point remains that people in these movements had nothing to do with the research we have now, and are in no way responsible for the scientific advancements we've seen.

It's in very bad faith for them to say that.

This has gotten long! I hope I covered everything. Feel free to reach out :)

#syscourse #debunk #anti endo #anti endogenic #pluraldeepdive

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gunsli-01 · 1 year

Note

just wanna say since I've been away from fixating on milgram for a month or so and came back for a skim (I got my therapist hooked, so its on the mind).. I wanna say how the fuck did this happen but I've similar enough that like, I hope you're taking care of yourself, congrats on the marriage (thats recent right?), your posts are always nice to see, I hope Organ Thief's Dance Party is entertaining for you too

I got so carried away beneath this cut that it's just a new Mu post I'm sorry in advance! Before any of that though I'll try to answer your points to the best of my abilities!

I'm so happy to hear about the therapist thing! I hope more people can enjoy Milgram so many that getting to a million views is pretty much immediate during trial three!

I think conflicts appearing in the fandom in and of itself isn't a bad thing it just means people care about the material, but I hope people can do that in a fun and respectful way. Not only to make the environment comfortable for old fans but newcomers as well. I don't believe it's good for fandoms to become exclusionary or too closeknit since that can lead to terrible forms of conflict down the line.

A fandom should be full of various people and opinions. So, I always wanna remind people to look at the views of others outside of mine since it helps form a more well-rounded opinion. It's even helped me better reflect on my own biases. I do like passion, but too much of anything in one direction can be bad, and I want more and more people to like and watch Milgram! So, regardless of what happens, I want people to see the fun in it not just from the content but its fans who do great things in a passionate way every day.

I'm taking care of myself and my dad to the best of my abilities he surgery went smoothly too! I'm still very much enjoying Milgram all the way! I hope none of what I said about the fandom comes off as pretentious or too serious because I know it'd be easy to read it that way. When it comes to the marriage, I assume you're referring to my blog description.

Ah, Star and I have known each other since late 2013! We met through Tumblr actually. That's why I was so upset to have my blog shadow banned because it has a lot of sentimental value and I'd hate to lose it. We started dating maybe three years after and we got engaged two to three years after that. Though, since we live in different countries, we haven't officially tied the knot yet. She's my best friend, confidant, and we hang out often. Even meeting up in person whenever we can manage/afford to.

Actually, she's the reason anybody even gets to see me talk about Milgram at all right now. She introduced it to me! She wanted me to look over the entire series. Because she was very well acquainted with my penchant for deductive reasoning and love of solving mysteries. Because of thar she wanted to know what I would think was going on based off the trial one music videos alone. I was a bit miffed at her at the time, so I was like, no, I don't wanna.

Though she went if I didn't want to watch all of it then she'd at least like it if I looked at Mahiru's song. Causing my response to Mahiru's first trial song to pretty much be you trying to say something about me, huh?! However, I really loved it and pretty immediately went okay I'll watch the rest. However, that was only after she asked what I thought happened and the only thing I could think was with the focus on food, probably poisoning, but other than that I'm unsure.

So, I'm very nostalgic when it comes to Mahiru's song since it's related to a person I love.

If you don't want all the personal stuff here's the Milgram stuff!

I think the thing I'm looking most forward too is hearing Shidou's cover of Delusion Tax given how the VA handled Liar Dance! Shidou's voice tends to be more reserved when it comes to singing his original songs but go hard in his covers. Mu is the exact opposite, her voice being stronger in her original songs but going to a gentle whisper in her covers.

Showing the dichotomy between how she presents herself and how she may be inwardly. That outward appearance of dominance breaking into a soft-spoken stint. While Shidou's soft demeanor breaks way into a more domineering tone with hard enunciation that's so good to hear. So, I'm really curious if that will stay in Delusion Tax just like it stayed for Mu with MKDR.

I like Mu's covers far more than her original songs because of that vocal change and the subtle gentleness like holding porcelain. Especially the scream here and how it directly contrasts with the one here. Her covers really highlight that similarity between her and Futa of putting on a tough front but having an incredibly soft interior that needs a lot of nurturing from their environments.

Something also highlighted by her being represented as Parasitic Wasp in It's Not My Fault.

One of the insects that build cocoons on a host and use the nutrients off them to feed their young. Meaning It's Not My Fault we are literally seeing an artistic rendition of a Parasitic Wasp nest being built on a beehive.

Explaining why Mu is so large in comparison to the others. It's a literal hostile takeover until she gets enough of what she needs and leaves.

This also explains why she's so quick to leave and nothing remains when she does in the end. Since they eat everything and go. Yet, it has another meaning too! Mu being a parasitic wasp can be read as her leeching off of a society of course but it can also be read as her needing external validation to support her own beliefs. Showcasing that she lacks the mental fortitude necessary to defend or rationalize her own behavior or past actions.

This is highlighted in After pain when she's literally drowned in her own negative opinion of herself. Something that used to be feeding her is now eating away at her. Because it doesn't come with that sweetness of external validation. No one else is saying that she's right so she'll always wonder if she's wrong on some level. Because she's incapable of validating her own behavior this is even shown in It's Not My Fault when she basically begs the viewers not to hate her or even look for her bad side the source of her pain.

In a, "Just keep liking me, keep feeding me, I can't do it I can't take it on my own." In a way, reminiscent to the way Mikoto freaks out when everybody, but Kotoko wishes him a happy birthday. It also feeds into why her victim ignoring her bothered her so much and she couldn't let it go. The reason she's behaving this way is perfectly illustrated at the end of It's Not My Fault where she's literally reformed by the previous verdict and breaks away from her host, in this case the hourglass.

Something that very much comes through in the tone of her cover songs. While Shidou- Ah, his are so full of that usually restrained animosity of his that I just love! So, that mixed with Delusion Tax may just get me.

#milgram #kirisaki shidou #kusunoki muu

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lazarusemma · 2 years

Text

WELL I CAN NAME ONE PERSON WHO ISN'T THINKING OF JEWS,

This reply has been deleted from my post. I have blocked this user. I am choosing to leave the username in the screenshot so that other people can block them as well. I do NOT condone sending any follow-up hatemail or other inflammatory messages, on my or anyone else's behalf. Please block without engaging.

This was a reply on my Dracula post, specifically this version with my addition. This user left a reply initially saying that the vampire myth originates from folklore and "not everything is about you btw" (quote). I pointed this user to the addition, and got this response.

I really, really don't want to look up statistics of antisemitism. I'm not going to do that. It is very easy to look up those numbers, and I won't do it to my own mental health. When I am posting about antisemitism, it is not because "I wanna be oppressed." I have personally heard someone threaten to set Jewish people on fire, and I live in New York City. If you don't believe that antisemitism is real and a serious issue, I don't have anything to say to you.

However, I do want to address this, so that's beneath the cut for length. CW for, obviously, mentions and discussions of antisemitism. The TL;DR is this: My post was created for the PURPOSE of asking that people do, in fact, think about jews while reading goddamn dracula.

I think my initial post as linked above speaks pretty well for itself; I won't repeat my claims about the antisemitism in the text. Dracula as a book is rooted in the bigotries of its time. That's not a point I'm going to argue further. The vampire figure has strong ties to the fears associated with the Jewish community. If someone wants to insist that there isn't any connection, despite having those connections pointed out to them, I'm not interested in continuing that conversation. That's not a conversation; that's talking to a wall.

The exact problem is that people aren't thinking of Jewish people while reading this book. [Pause at this point to remind gentiles that it comes off badly to say "Jews" if you aren't Jewish yourself. It's not a slur, it just leaves a bad taste: it's reminiscent of those who do use it derogatorily and we ask that you avoid it.]

Uncritical consumption of media, without examining (or at least giving a cursory glance at) the underlying problems, is exactly how we end up with Attack On Titan (!) fans telling Jewish bloggers that they just want to be oppressed.

I'll say it again: If you don't understand the bigotries embedded in the texts you consume, and/or fail to see how context shapes the text, you are more likely to cause harm, even if it is unintended.

I'm not interested in the details of authorial intent (see, again, the addition linked above) because I don't think it's possible to determine with certainty and because I don't think it's relevant - whether Stoker was deliberately drawing on antisemitism for malicious intent or otherwise, these tropes are present, they mimic harm, and they make these ideas palatable.

In reading a story about a Jewish-coded character who is scary and evil, an incautious reader is entirely capable of internalizing these ideas. The media we consume forms & reinforces pathways in our minds; stereotypes become shortcuts become biases.

Learn to recognize the things that reflect historical and current issues. No one is asking you to boycott every Victorian novel. I am also reading and enjoying Dracula Daily. The only thing I am urging with my post is that people pay attention, so that I don't have to see comments like THIS. Thanks for reading this far.

#dracula discourse #dracula #dracula daily #antisemitism cw #antisemitism #aot mention cw #em og post

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bilog22 · 1 year

Text

Title

“ Core Beliefs” A Reflection on the Anthology,

“Lockdown Litanies: Countess Untold Stories” an

Essay by Charles Alomia

Intro

Reading the poems offers as proof that even though everything in the world is beautiful, we occasionally find beauty distressing. I'm saddened by this because it's similar to how this poetry is a masterpiece. After reading that, I'm brought back to a few memories. No matter how long I watch a perfect sand construction, it will be carried away by the currents in a few minutes.The sky is overflowing with a magnificent sunset. Or, no matter how long you stare at a classical painting that is imprisoned in a museum, you will never be able to finish it. Perhaps, though, beauty includes fragility. Maybe there's always room for improvement in the arts, whether that progress comes from erasure or metamorphosis.

Body

1. Dear Diary

As I reading Dear Diary, It pains me because it us happening in real life. People having a hard time how to face their fears, how to conquer their anxiety and trauma. Upon thinking that this feeling is existing saddened me. The song of Christina Perri Lonely hits different when you've been in this situation. Her line, "2am where do I begin? Crying off my face again, The silent sounds of loneliness" is no matter how hard you try to be well, you can't be at night.

2 .The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus

Upon reading the poem "The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus" I have known that women has more confidence if we are empowering them. That woman can't be address over ten of below ten. This reminds of the song of Alessia Cara Scars To Your Beautiful. It says, "you're beautiful just the way you are" and "beauty goes deeper than the surface" where her tone is comforting.

3.O' Yayi (A Prose Poem)

Reading this poem somehow put a smile on my face. It was sweet. Heartmelting and lovely. Yayi got to get the love every one wanted to be loved. but then at the end, It's like a song of Ed sheeran. the song Lego House its says, "I'll pick you up when you're getting down" no matter how many times Yayi break down, he will still put her up and mend Yayi. But just like a lego house song, It's up to Yayi if she will pick the pieces if him.

4. Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall

Two hearts bound to each other, two human tied to be together. Reading this gives me vibes of the song, Giving Myself of Jennifer Hudson. the line "I never been who I wanted to be, I never felt completely free". Oh to be with someone who can see you. Who you feel that you are you.

5. Umbilical

A child. An unborn kid. Appreciating how his mom carried him. A baby's love to her mom even if he's still in her womb. It's tragic knowing that the kid feel guilty for his existence un exchange if his mom's pain. A song A Song For Mama in the line "You're always down for me, have been always around for me" speaks a child about how ready he was to let his mom live even if he's not.

6. RE: Paper (I'm Red, IMRaD)

In this peom, it shows what are our situation right now. About the pandemic, having online classes and doing modular because if it. Hard time finding where to work. How to survive. But it focuses on the students and teacher's experiences. On how everyone is having a hard time on a new normal. I would relate the situation into a song Savages it is about the world. "It's survival of the fittest, rich against the poor, At the end of the day it's a human trait

Hidden deep down inside of our DNA" of how sometimes people think unfairly of us.

7. 3 A.M Awakening

As I reading this, just like the dear diary poem, it is also happening as one of the main problem of a person that lead or cause to/of anxiety. Waking up by 3 A.M with no exact reason and having a hard time breathing sucks. Amazing Grace Hillsong, it gives me light in the heart. By the Lord taking our pain and weakness, all is well-- all is going to be alright.

8. My Frail Lady

This poem is somehow light-weight to read but has a heavy feeling. It is about a girl wanting to end her life but then again, just one second saying to stop-- she would. but, she didn't. After taking up her own life, she could possibly think of having peace. In Adam Song Blink 182 happens to be a song of hope. Just like the frail lady said "whatever you asked for, i would have made." And yet no one asked her. So she disappear.

9. Major Arcana

As I reading this, It gives me hope about life. That no matter how hard and struggle I face, never give up and look forward to what's the best I could do. Having the people I love with me who support, encourage, trust, and still understand me at the times I don't understand myself. In the song Brave and line"Say what you wanna say,

And let the words fall out,

Honestly I wanna see you be brave" is the word / action my family show to me.

Conclusion

Not to mention, it is not our fault that we are weak and prone to mistakes. We are not to blame for our shortcomings. Since this anthology has made me aware of people's varied personalities and qualities, it has been simpler for me to see how our experiences have impacted both our life and those around us. It opened my eyes to new possibilities for how someone may continue to be hopeful in the face of tragedy. It demonstrates that beauty exists everywhere in the world, despite the fact that we frequently perceive beauty to be painful.

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odiledenis-scarlet · 2 years

Text

If it doesn't rain today I can let you go out and be free in the garden with its golden gates

Hair tied up, not much to wear

I swear today

I don't really have the care

To care what your thoughts

Embody about myself

Having hard times lately

Yes

So let the ocen crash the shores

Let me slow for a little in the dark

For sometime

For my mind

Running across fires

I don't have the force

To say even hello

You can come inside

But I won't say a word

With my eyes closed

The bed is messy

With mud of thoughts

The room is so tainted with red

And scents of the cold

I won't talk

Boring right?

So you go

Leave the room

Leave the house

Maybe the day it doesn't rain

We will be able to walk beneath the sun

Because no one with full beautiful

Precious mind

Wants to meet the rain

And lightning

So close the door behind it

When you do

Locke it

No one will do

I am exhausted

By turning lips blue

And having things I won't use

Red purple blues

Bruises across your noons

Because you always come

Without warnings to my moons

Don't call me things I am used to

Those are the reasons I tell to lock the door behind you

No one wants rains in summer

So don't come here often

Or you will leave the house with thunder

Bad cravings when you leave and want to come again

Would you buy me some lemonade

From the limes that life are giving me instead?

Thank you sir

Lock the door again

When you do it again and again

Don't come over through the months I am getting ahead

You can call my father, mother, brother to hang out

I will be in bed, drowning my eyes with useless goodbyes

So... By now you will have to order places

You don't have room here

Sorry for the money you will have to spend

No one wants tidal waves

No one wants lightning

No one want fires or glaciers

Crawling to your way

So before you say it for me to get hurt

I am going to slowly walk away

And the moment I feel I can see everyone's face

Smile without thinking about anything bad through the day

I will come out of the dark room

And say hi to all of you

By now, mine is bruise

When you all leave

I will go to the living room

Eat something alone

So no one suffers from my blues

As I cry reminding the scents of the ones who were here

And I couldn't become someone different for a minute

No one wants that

So my right to say a slight goodbye

Until new sun's to come

Making the waves slow to the shores

At your feet you will be soothed by words

I don't want them to hang it like necklace

Is my own

No one wants the blues

So health is not the one giving you peace

Forgive me if I stay in

From my window

You looking free

Me in my nightgown hair tied

Tired of bones hurting so so bad

Taking things to soothe my brain

But they don't last

So I watch you being happy

Little brief moment of bliss

So sad it is not from me

But, I am grateful that you found the peaceful I will never reach

When the day finally comes

I have a big garden with flowers and all that

If you admire it for a brief moment it will be an enough offer

To my tears which seed all of this poetry of years

Because all gardens aren't watched from that place

From affar

We see the dew drops laying on the petals

Looking like crystals where you see your own reflection

The very exact nurturing second

You realise you were once a garden saviour

But now I do learned to grow it for myself

I do owe you but we the people, us never stay

Don't take it too seriously

It is still a phase not trusting you and my own being

I know you do the best sometimes to understand it

As I do it for you, smile giver

The garden is watered down

Because to stay beautiful you will have to experience some drowns

Fall for everything at a time

And start again, new flowers, new names

Darlings, starlight gaze

I don't owe nothing

For me being this way

Understanding my own self

Watching the fires turn into ashes the old frames

I wanted to call you darling

But no one really stays

Through these phases

Maybe is me self sabotaging everything

That comes with delicate rushes and veins

I cry over and over again

Thinking I am easy to be replaced

For gardens which grew in less time than me

Which have the seeds in their hands

And don't see the thunders creeping in

Foreshadowing chaos for the flowers hard to grow

I am weak during these Amazonas precipitations

My flowers aren't made to stand all the waters

Crashing into my garden

So the room feels more calming when I don't have to care about it

While the thunders break the branches and the stems

The winds called by destruction

The window is my only saviour right now

Another bed

Another time away from crowds

Even if I am weak

I can really tell about how I see my brain seeds

They can make you grow scarlet sages

With all the colors you may believe

Because where you see

Someone who bends and falls

I am the willow next to the river side

Branches strong but delicate to touch

Metaphoricaly I have been sad

Will everything change?

We might know after the drought

My garden is in it's worse place to be now

Don't walk in it

We will open soon

I promise, set a reminder

It will be beautiful when all the bloom happens

So everyone can acept it

Admire it

Take a look closer

Stand by

Months of uncaring

Until maybe now?

I have good things and thoughts to give

Be gentle when you come to the garden, please

We are still managing for you to see the beautiful

Everyday of the week

Not today and close for months

Sorry for this story somehow

Anyways

Bye to the dead flowers

I feel some kind of stupid for watering what was never there

I, by now, don't like to start again

Life has a funny way to make you feel sad over your brain

Goodbye for the stories and all that

Goodbye to how it all turns out

~ Odile Denis

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #sad aesthetic #love #poetry #poetscommunity #beautiful #light academia #my words #nature #metaphor #mental health #mental heath support #mental heath awareness

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v0guereality · 3 months

Text

Seeing yourself in love-

It's well and truly such an interesting concept. Someone and something I no longer have, forever immortalized in videos and pictures, ones where I could see how my entire world lay behind the eyes of someone else.

Even wilder again is the thought that those are the same eyes that have become strangers to me - the exact twinkle not quite as clear in my mind as they used to be. What used to be muscle memory feels foreign; the only reminder being a video of a kiss, a gentle caress, a tangle of two people's skin where you cannot tell where one starts and the other ends.

It has been a while since I've laid in bed with someone else, completely removed of all my masks. A morning spent tangled up in sheets and lost in time because if I hid from the concept it didn’t have to exist. Days felt like eternity, because I would laugh and scream and just exist, on loop, as sunrise slowly passed to sunset.

It is so interesting to see what things pictures whisper to me. My talkative eyes tell me so much, with love and passion radiating out of them in a way that lets me recall that exact moment through the screen as if it had barely passed.

I love hard and I fall hard. I find refuge in the arms of those I’ve loved; their embrace as my safety net, and their scent as my home.

When I see it through old pictures and videos, it feels both nostalgic and yet wildly foreign to see my eyes speak emotions I am not currently comprehending. The same way I question how on earth I found energy as a child to spring awake and play relentlessly, I question how I ever found myself letting go enough to trust someone else to catch me.

It is unfair to call that emotion foreign; I guess I prefer distant. Something not quite gone out of my range of sight, but just far enough out of it that I see it in a horizon slightly out of my reach.

It can’t be too far gone- I see glimpses of it every day.

I see it in my mother, who makes sure I always leave the house with a coffee and a kiss on the head.

I see it in my father, who remembers my big events of the day to show me he cares.

I see it in the way that I am never to be forgotten by my sisters, who despite resistance to my endless hugs, will come and giggle and make sense of jokes that require our specific sense of humor, not leaving until the clouds clear from above my head.

I see it in my best friend's messages, because although we both recede into the comfort of our own busy lives, she will always remind me she is proud of me, and that she is thinking of me every day.

I see it in the eyes of another mother, who will make me dinner to not end the flow of conversation we are thoroughly invested in as I sit perched on her car in a parking lot.

I see it in the texts my sweet angels send me, because although we are oceans apart, we are tied by an invisible cord that binds our hearts to each other.

I see it in her piercing, fierce eyes. The ones that calculate my every thought and move in a way that reads straight through my soul, because time is a simple concept compared to how well she understands my heart.

I even smell it in her perfume. A scent I will never be able to replace in my mind, that fills me with warmth and association to a joy I cannot ever capture in words.

And this is why it is such a strange concept to see myself in love.

I don’t know how to capture it in words.

I cannot fathom its range, because it is a range deeper than I can comprehend.

I simply know exactly how it feels; and it feels like a bad day is still worth pushing through because there will be more days filled with the essence and purity captured in my heart.

Capturing something so uncontainable and intangible within myself is impossible. It is foreign for me to see.

So, whenever I catch a glimpse of my eyes twinkling in a mirror, or a reflection, or in a picture captured in a moment of my most raw emotion, I cannot help but love what it invokes in my soul, because there is nothing stranger yet more beautiful than to see myself in love.

#spilled ink

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roci-wolf · 9 months

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ROCI IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO REPLY I FORGOT 😭😭😭

but okay lemme go one by one by what i remember from what you said

i’m so sorry you’ve been going through a hard time. it isn’t easy when you feel like your mental health is failing. i know firsthand how hard it can be. but i’m so so proud of you for working on yourself and your mental health. and i’m glad you decided to take a break for yourself. i hope the break has been fruitful!

and gosh i’m so sorry about your bunny :( it can’t be easy. my cats go play around away from the garden for a bit and i freak out when i don’t see them around. so i can’t imagine how terrible it must be.

but AHHHHH NEW KITTYYYYYY!!!! so excited!!! did you get the kitty already? what’d you name it? what kind of cat is it??? heheh i love cats and i’m so excited for you!!

i’m proud you’re working on your self esteem and i get that sometimes the stuff we want comfort from most tend to become the most stressful because we’re in a bad place and the magic and comfort just doesn’t feel the same and it just… ultimately feels worse cause it feels like you lost something very important to you :(

but i hope slowly you can return. i miss seeing you on here and i miss your lil asks and your opinions on my random posts jshdjsjdjsk but no pressure! take your time and i hope you feel better soon 💛💛💛 and i’ll be here~ with a bunch of comfort fics if you wanna ever read em hehe

nooo don't worry, i don't frequently check my notifs anyway so i didn't notice 😭

yeah, my biggest problem was getting out of survival mode, i am the avoidant type of person so it's very hard for me to deal with anything in my life that's out of my comfort zone, but i finally stepped up and started to figure things out. ofc it's still hard and because i've been focusing solely on survival for so long i don't really know what i want from life anymore?? but i am proud i can at least relax a bit more and i can give time to myself to think and reflect. thank you for the words~ you're so kind

yeah, i kinda got used to the idea that i'll never see my bunny again and i'm consoling myself with the thought that she's in a much better place now and that she's hopping happily without my cat bothering her lol 💗

unfortunately smth came up so i can't pick up the cat yet. i'm actually getting him from my friend bcs her cat gave birth a few month ago and she's giving me one of her kitties, but i have to wait 2 more weeks till i can finally get him. also, because i'm getting it from my friend, i actually don't know its breed 🤣 my friend doesn't know the exact breed of her cat and the dad is unknown (lol), so i can't tell for sure, but the mom is a combination of a tabby with some other fancy breed that i cannot recognise. it has many orange spots of her coat mixed with the regular tabby colors, does that make sense?? but he kitty i'm adopting has a dark coat with no orange spots at all. it looks like a tabby, but much darker than usual, idek how to explain 😭

ALSO i actually SUCK at giving pets names 😭😭 i always get overwhelmed bcs it feels like such a big responsibility to me so i always collect ideas from other people. sooo if you have any cool male cat names in mind 👀👀 i'm more than glad to hear

yeah, that's exactly how it feels with comfort places 😭😭 that's why i got away from tumblr a little bit, i didn't want it to start feeling like a 'responsibility' or like something i needed to do, i tend to do that with my hobbies sometimes and it makes them unenjoyable. i also stopped writing for a while and opening tumblr was reminding me about that and it made me feel a little guilty haha

but! it's summer vacation now and things are moving in the right direction (in my opinion at least) so who knows.

aw, THANK YOU, TI, you're so sweet 🥹🥹 i miss sending asks and answering on random stuff too 😭 i am glad i was not an annoyance with those lol

and!!! i actually do want to read what you've been posting since i disappeared 👀 is there anything you'd recommend me to read first??

#roci's ✉️#sulfurcosmos

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maaaxx · 1 year

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how do you feel about fanart?

If anyone ever makes fanart of any of my fics ill marry them on the spot.

I'm usually really weird about fanart and turn down people who ask about it because of the whole situation with 'my' oc's )iykyk) but we got that sorted out so now I'm okay with it.

There was another anon a while back who asked about fanart but Tumblr ate like half my asks a few weeks ago and i lost that ask. but if i remember correctly that ask was asking for descriptions and stuff so I'm just going to tag that onto here too.

ALL of the 'ocs' listed are originally from the art of burning by hella 1975 (just letting yall know).

I just have my own twist on them but the names and general ideas belong to hella :)

Tomkin <3333 (my fav)

if some of these turn into a tangent because their appearances are reflective of their personalities just ignore that.

Tomkins described vaguely in chapter 2 as this:

"He was skinny. Like far more than the rest of the people he had seen. But he seemed to have a lot of lean muscle. He was maybe half a foot taller than Zuko and had a huge smile plastered on his face. That seemed to be permanent though, as he was smiling every time he saw him. He also seemed to be the only one without beads in his hair, which was tied half up, with a strand on each side braided back. He was slightly darker skinned than the rest of the people, and his eyes were the deepest blue. They were the exact same color as the ocean."

Tomkins 16 at this time, 17 currently. So he's shaped a bit awkwardly, longish limbs. Hes also tall for his age. almost the same height as Nanook (who is 2 years older) and Nanook is only a few inches from Hakodas height (I think) so do with that what you will.

Something that I developed since writing the above description is that Tomkin has multitextured hair. Its about medium brown and is all over the place and its mostly like very wavy but it curls at a few random places. He also switches between having his hair like halfway up and in like a ponytail.

I also dont know how youd incorporate this into fanart but Tomkins pretty.

Thats consistent with most people we're going to see describing Tomkin is that he's attractive but not in your typical like, masculine, handsome, way but instead hes attractive in a pretty way,,, idk. but that comes up a lot eventually (because of a certain topic thats going to come up a lot) so i thought it might be worth mentioning.

His clothes are also usually slightly too short for him because my dude is still growing.

Nanook <33 my other fav.

I dont think Nanook is described anywhere.

He has like pin point straight and its also very messy but unlike Tomkin its more so in a way of he doesnt put an effort into keeping it tied back right. like when you tie a ponytail back and dont fix it for the rest of the day. He has two braids one on each side of his face. his right side braid has one beed on it, left side has two. these are also lazily tied back with the rest of his hair.

Nanook has a scar right at his hairline on the right side of his face too.

besides that, Nanooks just like your average dude. Hes not skinny but hes not overly broad, like i said, hes a few inches shorter than Hakoda.

I think it's mentioned somewhere that he has big eyes. So idk what to do with that.

He's not that interesting to look at lmao.

Chena

Chenas about Chitsangs height and a little less broad.

idk how good of a reference 'chitsangs height' is but he's pretty tall.

his hair is about to the top of his back and has two braids on one side of his head. the rest of his hair is like half tied up in a wolfs tail.

ummmmm idk what else is that important for him.

moving on

Kanuk

Kanuk is a tad bit older than hakoda, so he has a few gray hairs. He has a really skruffy beard which also has some grays in it.

Something to remember about Kanuk is that he's originally from the nwt so his clothes reflect that. the color is a lot more of that bold purply ish color.

Kanuk, like hakoda, is a short king and is about the same height as hakoda.

he constantly looks tired and kind of has that worn look to him. zuko puts him through a lot lol.

#these descriptions are shit lmao #sorry about that #anon that asked for a description (i rlly hope your seeing this) if you wanted the descriptions for my other ocs lmk #but these are the main ones so anytime anyone asks about 'my ocs' these are who i assume they mean.#so like if you meant kali sona kiona kima nayeli ilik kovak etc #anyone of those people #ill happily give those descriptions too. <3 #if anyone actually makes fanart of ihiap ill spontaneously combust #not joking youll never hear from me again because of it and ill be dead #max thinks shes relevant #ihiap asks #ihiap ocs

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