God, I'm now revisiting Harrow The Ninth and this book is just nothing short of one heartbreak after another.
I can't blame people for forgetting how deeply vulnerable of a person Harrow can be, she is constantly wearing a mask and we only get to hear of her from Gideons perspective, and for good reasons because if she was the one to narrate HtN? It would read as a constant breakdown.
She is dealing with so much that she doesn't understand, not just because she literally lobotomized herself, but also because she was never taught to understand grief. Ever since having to turn her parents into construct, probably even before that, she turned all her grief into guilt, but she can't do it anymore.
The worst part about all of that is that we're constantly being told that Harrow is behaving strange, she's being weird, the lyctors and Jod are treating her like she's some freak that needs fixing, that just needs to stop whining or that just needs to do something normal when she is experiencing the most normal emotions a human can experience.
She's going through grief! She lost the girl that was the whole world to her and they don't get it! Because they're not normal, the most normal person on this ship is Ianthe who shows no signs of grief for Babs whatsoever, they all can't begin to understand that Harrow, maybe for the first time in her life, is being incredibly normal about this situation!
She's being constantly belittled, Ianthe is treating her like a game (a game Ianthe is losing btw), she's being hunted for sport and the guy she thought she worshipped all her life is telling her to just make soup? The only person that even begins to understand her is the drowned out soul of Pyrrha, she's the only person trying to help Harrow and even she can't do much more
Gideon was right she told Ianthe she doesn't know the first thing about Harrow, nobody there did expect for Gideon, and the only thing Gideon could do was watch, it's heartbreaking.
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i just realized that i never actually made a whole analysis on 4-4N?? i technically did in first art post i made of the level last november, but the actual original post had it and i. cant find the rambles on it anymore 💀 so i decided i might as well start fresh and share my thoughts without keymashing every two sentences (unskippable cutscene under the cut <3)
i like to think that the “you can be my muse, ill write these songs for you” line from att is a parallel of sorts, in murmurs being from nicoles perspective instead. i mean cole is the whole reason she even picked up her guitar again, and she doesnt play it just because shes inspired since she even thinks about playing FOR him judging by her dialogue which is. crying rn im still not over that because GIRL
with the whole thing about night shifts "being part of the story but not really" im kinda bothered about murmurs being a night shift since what happened might not be brought up later in the story 😭 if it somehow does tho, im thinking of a buildup to a hypothetical 2-XN where its mostly from nicoles perspective
like being a parallel to 2-X with her being the lead singer and the instrumental having her signature acoustic instead. or partly acoustic with coles edm, since most night shifts are supposed to harder counterparts and i dont know how an acoustic boss fight would work lol (actually mental image of nicole beating us up with her guitar that would be funny)
the line "at least i hope you will be" at the very end of att is mostly sung by her, and from what i can gather it seems like shes pretty hesitant or just unsure that cole is the one who could help her get through her addiction. i also noticed that the after clear dialogue has cole (indirectly) talking about nicole being his inspiration instead of having to rely on caffeine, though nicole doesnt say the same thing about her smoking, and im gonna be honest if there was a 2-XN i would love to see her admit it too 😭😭😭
lmao this basically turned into a 2-X ramble but anyways im going back to crying over midterms i just wanted to post this before i forget again wbhwbhuwubhw
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"Oh Jergal gave up his portfolios so his power level is like that of a demi-god lol"
I am a firm believer that if Jergal had the motivation to, he would absolutely fuck up the Dead Three, Kelemvor, and Cyric's shit all at once. Just yoink the power back. Dude just doesn't give a fuck. Sure, he hates Cyric and the Dead Three, but no matter what kind of bullshit they get up to, they a) can't kill him and b) really won't interfere with his paperwork. The whole non-interference thing is very Death God of him. The guy's Lord of the End of Everything, but killing everything at much was too much work and actively holding the power was too boring for him lmao
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ok ive seen this post on my dash so many times and ifinally couldnt stop myself from editing it as them
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Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".
*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.
*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-
Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-
Arlecchino: Ok.
Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?
Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.
*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*
Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????
Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.
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