#its so stupid. and then when ppl are like what what are u talking abt ur not a burden why would u even think that then i feel WORSE!!! cuz

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[piplupod]

quick post bc im fucking frustrated to tears rn over this (was just logging in to update my writing sideblog lmao) - the most infuriating and terrifying thing abt my current situation is that despite the lifelong abuse, i still cannot keep my fucking mouth shut sometimes

I've been doing what I can to keep myself up to date with what's happening news-wise without pushing myself into dangerous territory mentally/emotionally, and STILL I fucking suffer because I could not keep my mouth shut around parents TWICE now within the past couple days. and then i get into hot water with them and shit gets bad again and i lose whatever meager amounts of respect or trust or whatever semblance of human decency and kindness they had decided to give to me bc I'd "earned" it by being silent and agreeable.

all i said today was that i think Domino's might be a company to boycott bc my mother mentioned getting pizza for my brother's upcoming bday and then there was just a whole fucking awful thing and I just am so fucking angry w myself. it was so much easier and safer when i never had access to the internet bc i never knew anything that they didnt agree with so i could never say anything wrong in that regard. like at least i Know things now and can actually have opinions, but ... idk. sometimes I feel like it isnt worth it if I keep fucking myself over like this because I can't just hold my tongue.

#the other instance was me saying the same fucking shit abt mcdonalds to my dad yesterday when i was in the vehicle w him #i just. i could honestly strangle myself. why the fuck am i so stupid like this #I've learned this lesson over and over and over again. why can't i get it thru my fucking head to keep my mouth shut all the time #do not talk to them!! ever!! about anything!!! why is that so difficult for me!!! #just be a fucking bobblehead!! nod and agree!! stop fucking talking and having opinions and thoughts of ur own!!! #okay im outta here again now sorry fjdkdl I'll try to log back in and delete this when i update my nowrimo stuff again tomorrow #boohoo poor me wah wah theres ppl dying and i have the fucking gall to feel sorry for myself jfc i need to get a grip #if i just kept my mouth shut it'd literally be fine for the most part. so its just me being unable to control myself thats causing this #stop! talking!! even here!! shut up!! #abuse tw #ask to tag idk what else to tag this with sorry lmk if u need anything tagged and i will do so in the future #vent tw

[matoitech]

like i dont feel still years later that its pitting two bad bitches against each other to bring up that galo and lio Get Each Other in a lot of ways and even tho galo doesnt have a lot of specific trauma and experiences lio does u r just bad at writing them if u take the lazy and completely out of character and not even true to the actual canon of the movie approach of galo knows what ptsd is bcuz hes, a first responder. like damn rly. not the like, having ptsd? smooth save galo if u just always say oh its bcuz im an emt no one will know the information that was widely available bcuz ur trauma was broadcasted on the internet and news for ur entire life to where no one rly knows much abt u as an actual adult person and everyone just thinks of or recognizes u still over 15 yrs later as ‘the kid kray foresight saved’. but absolutely none of this did anything to him mentally. hes fine

#anyway i know 'trauma being different doesnt mean completely wiping one characters away to be a Stock Nice Boyfriend Helping The Other One #Thru His Basic I Looked At Wikipedia To Write This Ptsd Symptoms makes any sense or is not kinda stupid and shitty' is beyond fandom ppl #but its just such a Not Discussion like. ever. i mean to b fair. i was not involved w fan stuff. so i couldve missed it #and been like. its just me and the other ppl im friends with even bringing this up #but i feel when i went on twitter briefly here n there id see ppl say 'oh its hard to talk abt galos trauma so' and then thatd b it #IT JUST DOESNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE TO ME. I KNOW HE IS NOT A REAL PERSON #BUT I DONT GET FROM LIKE A FUCKING. NARRATIVE STANDPOINT? FROM CHARACTER? FROM RELATIONSHIPS? #WHAT GRASP OF GALOLIO DO U EVEN HAVE IF UR SCRUBBING EVERYTHING ABT ONE OF THE TWO AWAY TO BE A NICE SUPPORTIVE #GENERIC BF W NO PROBLEMS OF HIS OWN. RELATIONSHIPS ARENT LIKE THAT #THATS WHAT MAKES THEM COMPELLING TO YOU? IF U HAVE TO WRANGLE THEM THRU A PAPER SHREDDER FIRST?

[cruelsister-moved2]

daily affirmations i will not make fun of neopagans i will not make fun of neopagans i will not make fun of neopagans

#its like harmless inherently #but itis so stupid that when they start being terrible as well it just makes me hate the whole thing #i get what purpose it would fill in someones life #esp if u were traumatised by a christian institution #but at the same time its the equivalent of being really into boardgames #and then defending WS symbols n talking down to minority religious ppl #abt how much better ur boardgames are or whatever

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hhhh evolution is so fucking cool. ive been listening to the common decent podcast and losing my mind #paleontology is so fucking !!!! like we know so much crazy stuff abt dinos #its insane. literally insane. its wild how they were just like normal animals. absolutely wild #i want paleontology friends :-( and geology friends :-( and to be able to read :-( #but my brain is full of angry bees and the bees compell me to do things that give me a headache. exhausting #like i imagine hope ppl normally live it its cazy to me. like u have friends? u talk to ppl? u go out and do things? #i sit in my apartment and slowly unravel. days smearing together into an unmemorable blur. and to quote a counting cro ws song #that cant be what a life is for. idk when i think abt it objectively it is rather sad #literally i just want to walk around in the woods. crawl around in the dirt. and think abt evolution and the origins of life #but my brain doesnt allow me to do things. so i sit here and drive myself nuts. #i really want to go up to the lake. its stupid. lake erie the most trashy of the great lakes calls to me. i want to poke around in the sand #for lucky stones and sea glass and fossils. sigh. but i live so far away and my brain wont allow me to disengage from stuff #so here we r. a sad little fishy swimming in circles #ay. its not so bad as it was when i was taking photosynthesis measurements. thats something at least #tho i have committed to at least 3 more photosynthesis projects so rip my will to live #at least they arent timed #unrelated

[caruliaa]

now one cares if ur mom loves you soooo muc and u love her soooo much and ur omg arent mothers soo great always bs. shut up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#(BEING VERY PETTY BC MINE SUCKS SO FUCKING MUCH) #but also if i have to see the post bieng like 'oohh imagine sweet nothing with how your mother always loves u unconditionly' everywere #(which good 4 u stop acting like thats the universal experience for everyone it fucking isnt) #then you all have to deal with me platonic-fing it and making it abt friendship. sucks to suck loser !!!! #like what if the soul deconstructers *are* my parents in my experience. what then bitch !! #sorry im rly just annoyed abt that one post bc i feel like theres an obsession among swifties to only every understand each song in a way #that like. does or cld fit within her life instead of relating it to ur own experince esp in regards to them all being abt romance #like ppl being like 'i cant believe ppl think x song cld count as a platonic love song when its obvs abt romancce' #or not understanding how the emotions expressed in a song abt a traumatic break up could also be related to other trauma #including trauma inflicted by a parent/friend/ any other relation someone cld have to someone #but the one time !! relating one of her songs to smth other than roamnce is acceptable to swifties its the stupid fucking #'ohh my mom is soo great shes the best' bs thats a sure fire sign the person saying it will never take anyone whos been mistreated #by the parents serious and just respond w 'but its ur momm u have to love her bc shes ur mommm :(((((' #sorry ik im being needlessly bitter which sucks bc i have a a good point here like can we just let ppl relate to songs in whatever way they #want to and not care abt their being a 'defnitive' meaning to the song bc the whole point of art esp music is how YOU relate to it #also like. that post isnt bad at all its acutally completely fine im just bieng dumb and projecting ig bc i feel like the emotions of ppl #whos parents were good to them r always taken more seriously like. if i made a post talking abt relating the 'give me back my girlhood' lin #to my experince w my shitty parents i feel like it wldnt be taken as seriously as this 'uwu i love my momm' bs yk. anyway maybe im wrong !! #who knows !!!!! maybe i shld try to talk abt how i relate her songs to my personal experinces more #also i am being rly dumb sm bc ik other ppl have spoken abt relating her songs (esp mtr and tolerate it) to shitty parnets but iv also seen #ppl treat that like its dumb which is stupid !!!!! who cares !!!! ur being a dick let ppl relate music to whatever experiences they want !! #anyway. i think i seem more pissed her than i actually am im just annoyed bc this is a pet peeve of mine lol #flappy rambles

[justinefrischmanngf]

i made such a fucking stupid mistake when talking to my parents at dinner i literally want to die

#relaying the events of the day and it slipped out that my best friend (producer man ive been talking abt)’s boyfriend called me a banana on #account of my being part chinese but raised in australia or what have u and my dad goes well thats racist #and like its not rly yknow like this man is chinese and im only part chinese and dont speak the language and was raised in australia and #on and on but more importantly is the fact that my dad keeps trying to raise equivalents to racism #like he wants nonwhite ppl saying something about white ppl to be ‘racist’ because white ppl saying something abt nonwhite ppl is #and he just doesnt understand its different and i tried to talk to him about it the other day and it didnt work #and so my mum goes ‘nessas going 2 sit u down one day and explain it all’ and EYE went ‘im not’ #when technically i SHOULD and i will have to because no one else is going to do it and it shouldnt fall to my mum but i fucking hate it i #hate it i hate it why is this such a problem why can he not just fucking understand or put some effort into understanding #he is not racist on a big scale ofc but he will do things like this and for whatever reason theres been a few things like this in the past m #month and he needs to fucking stop and i dont know how to get him to and i want to die #i barely ever bring up race or whatever bc its such a loaded topic so i dont know why i was so stupid tonight (v v tired) #my parents r probably in the most stable point of their relationship they have ever been in and this could very well blow it all the fuck up #and that would be justified on my mums part #ive just had it ive had enough #AND THE THING IS IM NOW JUST GOING TO LEAVE NEXT YEAR???? leave my baby sibling w all this ????? #its too much i cant do it #and like idk !!!!!! its all so much i hate it all so much as if i didnt feel guilty enough abt not being chinese enough or indian enough or #fucking ! australian enough !!!! #dont mind me im fine #this isnt that big a problem realistically

[bylroos]

i keep trying to make a post on my thoughts about jjong and how my views on life and fandom and everything have changed since dec 18 and how it hurts going through these changes knowing he will never change. but the last seven posts i’ve typed out have all been bitter as hell against other shawols or people in general and. it’s not anyone else’s fault. its not the fault of non-blingers that they can talk abt their faves and not have to fight tooth and nail for the bare minimum when it comes to recognition of their faves. but at the same time it feels like non-blingers also don’t really. think about the exclusion of jjong from stuff. like even shawols who are willing to go to war w ppl who are ot4s exclude jjong from stuff more frequently than not and don’t even think about it and. its nobody’s fault but at the same time it’s everyone’s fault.

#idk where i’m even going with this i just. #seeing ppl froth at the mouth whenever jinki isn’t included (intentional or not!) #and then seeing those same people proceed to only ever talk abt post 2017 shinee shit. #and its like. i can’t even blame them for that can i? #i can’t blame them for not living in the past like me but also #i mean u gotta recognize jjong as a member yk. #its all stupid shit like when ppl were posting abt shinee being a group w every member having a solo or w/w #but then used photos where it was just okmt. #its shit like that yk. #and its so hard to not be bitter abt it even tho it makes sense. #idk. idk. #its been five years and what the fuck am i supposed to do #i miss you #i love you #personal #kpop

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons pt.2! :))

warnings: mentions of weed/alc , injuries/blood, VERY mild sexual content (boobs and ass 😕)

content: loser!ellie x reader :3

authors note: im back w another BANGER🔥🔥🔥 since ppl loved the last one IM BACK W MORE 😈

pt. 1 ! taglist.! masterlist!!

- CANNOT handle spicy food. my porcelain princess has the spice tolerance of a victorian child she is coughing and crying at the slightest spice 😞😞

- speaking of food…my girl is a CHEF!!! she hates leaving the house and she’s too broke to buy food so she’s just in the kitchen whippin ts!!!! she even has a goofy chef hat that she wears when she cooks. (this is so ellie coded i dont know why)

- loves commentary youtubers . kurtis,danny,nickisnotgreen,jarvis, and chadchad 🔥🔥

- knows so much niche internet drama…she tries to talk abt it and ur like???? literally what are you talking about….which gives her the perfect opportunity to ramble

- so many random injuries CONSTANTLY. she’s constantly covered in cuts and bruises and has no idea where they come from (mostly her awful skateboarding)

- “this ones for you” before she devastatingly fails to do a trick on her skateboard and falls on her face, and her entire lower face is covered in nose-blood

- whenever she gets hurt, she always asks you to “kiss it better” 😞😞 so cute im dying!!!

- follows you around like a puppy all day. goes with you on all your errands, sits by you while you do work. she is ALWAYS THERE

- if u think shes bad when shes sober, she’s literally the clingiest drunk in the world!!!! she will literally be constantly attached to you. even when you go to the bathroom, she’ll literally hold ur hand through the door while u piss cuz u wouldn’t let her in 😞

- she’s even worse when she’s high, cuz shes so BOLD. will literally just randomly motorboat ur tits while ur talking with zero explanation.

- loves sitting on the floor???? literally will just be down there. sometimes when you’re on the couch she’ll sit by your feet and cling onto one of your legs

- NEEDY!!!! oh my godddd so needy. every time ur doing something not involving her she’s trying to get your attention. most of the time shes doing really stupid shit in front of you for no reason. “babe look” is her favorite thing to say

- literally had a huge bruise on her leg cuz she tried to do a cartwheel inside and banged her leg on the kitchen counter

- whenever you lay on your stomach, she loves laying her head on your ass

“it’s my favorite pillow!!”

- sometimes she just randomly squeezes ur boobs when she walks past you. always with some random sound affect too. she’ll just walk by you while you’re cooking and just honk ‘em 😕

- sleeps DIRECTLY ON TOP OF YOU. like literally lays on you like a starfish all night

-sleeptalker!!! its always the most non-coherent things ever, and it’ll last for like 30 minutes.

“no papa john i don’t wanna hit a nae nae 😞”

- cannot be trusted on the road. she is actually a hazard to public safety

- this is such an unpopular opinion but she is DEFINITELY a passenger princess. she likes staring at you too much she can’t drive she’ll crash!!!!

- does NOT exercise. but she’s like. randomly strong. she’ll carry all your groceries in one trip and push ALL your luggage when you go on vacation

- literally turns into a child when you take her to the beach. building sand castles, swimming in the water, and finding rocks and shells and bringing them to you like a dog

- definitely wears those stupid snorkel goggles when she goes swimming cuz she likes doing flips underwater and hates water in her nose

- LOVES CAMPING!!! that girl can be OUTDOORS.

- has binders full of pokemon cards. she goes to this card shop by her house that has pokemon saturdays and plays matches for like…the whole day. she can and WILL trash talk a 7 year old little boy after beating him

- follows so many niche meme pages

- orange chicken enthusiast.

- this is literally canon in the show but she HATES COFFEE. she is a chai latte woman. with oatmilk cuz like…duh….lesbian

- absolutely goated at just dance for NO REASON

- really good at making string friendship bracelets

#loser!ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie x you #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #tlou x reader #tlou fic #lesbian

[desire-mona]

things abt dps i feel like we dont address enough (photos attached will be shit quality, i took screenshots from yt clips LMAO)

heavily ib @pencileraser1's post abt stuff he noticed n such

the fucking KIDS at welton. the CHILDREN. maybe its just me but i always find myself forgetting that welton isnt a highschool + there are in fact a lot more students than the ones we're focusing on. thats what makes welton so like. evil? to me? they start pushing these kids into a box EARLY.

related, i wouldve LOVED to see how(/if?) keating taught these kids, or rly any other class! he has other classes!!! i think!

ok. of course. neil is a smoker, we've touched on that. but charlie is too?? and he's the one who provides the cigs???? obviously the easy explanation is that he does it to be rebellious and stuff but also Is There Something Else. much to think abt. also wondering where he gets his cigs but thats not rly anything i dont think.

this ones just funny but when mr perry tells the boys they can take a seat and todd simply does not. i KNOW he wasnt sitting before and he needs to unpack and stuff but ITS STILL FUNNY.

"take your seats boys"

"🧍"

also my guilty pleasure is the dps but its todd being anxious video bc man usually crack videos arent my jam but unfortunately i find it so funny

also!!! neil calling his dad sir. obviously its something so glaringly obvious that we dont need to have a discussion abt how theres a disconnect between them. like wow rly thanks mona i didnt know. but come on!!! it makes me sad!!! also they shake hands later in this scene and its the most affectionate/ friendly we see these two get. and its a handshake. and i think what makes it worse is that neil is a SUPER physically affectionate person with his friends. if u watch the movie and pay attention to how often he's touching someone else then ur gonna be like man. he rly was jumping at every opportunity huh.

something about the way neil and the boys act around mr perry makes me view him as more of a drill sargent than anything. everyone immediately stands upon him entering the room. they dont sit until given permission. it rly puts the whole military school thing into perspective but NOT ENOUGH TO SATISFY ME. as much as i hate mr perry, i wanna know what his life was like growing up. this man lived thru the great depression AND wwii, theres stories.

cam's stupid fucking face when keatings behind him larping ghosts. i will never stop talking about how sassy this kid is. the dps redheads go criminally unacknowledged in terms of comedy because OH MY GOD. CAM AND MEEKS WERE SO FUCKING FUNNY??? they both pulled the most dastardly judgemental looks and they make me cackle. a bit earlier in this scene meeks goes full 🙄🤨 on sniffles (tissue kid. i call him sniffles) and it is, without exaggeration, my fav part of the movie.

the fact that i totally thought knox was gonna fall off his bike and eat shit in this scene. it would be so out of place since dps isn't exactly full of physical comedy but GOD i still fully anticipated it. either that or him getting attacked by a bird. theres totally symbolism surrounding birds in this movie btw and idk what to make of it. if any of u lovely ppl have a theory then lmk immediately.

keating so accurately calling cam out being like "is this right is this right. am i walking right." BC YESSS. i will eventually make a fully fledged cam post but to briefly touch on it, i find cam to be very confused on what is right, usually in terms of morals. a whole situation of confusing your personal values with the rules, thinking theyre one in the same, and completely abandoning what u actually believe. unfortunately i think neils death rly amplified that nd is what led him to tattle. cuz cam is still willing to break the rules in the beginning of the movie!! he's outwardly judgemental but he still does it!! much to discuss, i promise i will eventually.

keatings face after todd yawps!!! theres not much to say here he is just so proud!!! sweet little moment!!!! keatpostin!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

u guys know im an avid knox hater but this made me giggle. rip knox overstreet u wouldve loved twitch streaming.

THE SPECIFICS OF THIS SHOT. i was gonna make a post a while ago being like "idk i find it funny that the main focus of this shot isnt even one of the poets" and then i realised that WAITTTTTTT THATS THE POINT!!!! keating reached kids besides the poets!!! u didnt have to be in the dead poets society to be affected by the way he taught his classes!!! u just had to be his student!!!!! also i love the fact that the kids who stayed seated r ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED.

the ending shot. oihghgghgg. it was SUCH a choice to set it up this way and honestly i adore peter for making it. this shot is SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO LOOK AT and i love it. when i first watched this i was like "uhm ok interesting choice putting todd between this kids legs but I GET IT. one of the biggest things i remember from the film classes i took is that the way u set up shots is sooo important narratively, and one way to rly push the narrative is the space around a character in a shot. for example! if u have a character on screen surrounded by a TON of negative space then it rly emphasises how alone/ isolated they are. on the other end of the spectrum (the todd spectrum), if you surround a character in a shot with other objects or obstructions, like todd and this kids legs, then it rly emphasises how trapped and confined they are. looking at this makes me feel like. claustrophobic almost, like it's genuinely a bit harder to breathe looking at it. TODD IS STILL TRAPPED IN THAT SCHOOL. YES HE STOOD ON THE DESK AND YES HE NOW HAS THE MOTIVATION TO BE MORE CONFIDENT BC OF NEIL BUT HE! IS STILL! TRAPPED THERE!

more on todd since im on a roll here.

i was also gonna add that we dont rly talk about todd personality wise outside of poetry and anxiety but then i realised, what else is there? we dont really see much about him as a person outside of that, and i think thats the point! todd is constantly overshadowed by his brother, we know that, but i dont think we realise HOW MUCH that ties in with his entire character. quite honestly, outside of poetry and anxiety, ALL we have surrounding todd is his brother and his achievements. and of course! that makes sense! his parents want him to be just like his brother, they dont care about who he is as a person. UGH.

the desk set scene rly is the most insight we'll get into todds actual personality and desires imo, and thats what kills me. he wants a car!!!! get this boy a car!!!!!!!!! we rly see him start to open up before neils death and i wouldve LOVED to get to know todd when he's actually in a place to be himself!! but of course we never got that! sobs.

anywho. thats all i have for now. PLEASE share ur thoughts if u have any pls pls pls. encouraging discussion!! i love love love hearing about the specifics nd stuff, theres soooo much to pick apart abt this movie so i wanna hear everyones thoughts.

#desire mona #media #i wanna drink this movie dude #and smoke it #and inject it into my veins #etc #dead poets society #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #steven meeks #knox overstreet #richard cameron #john keating #banger

[ppnuggiex]

HII ur aesthetic is just so pretty and the way you write is so shekehsjjdkd fell in love when I read the first sentence, I'm not even joking😕

BUT ANYWAYY could I req diasomnia, heartslabyul, and/or octavinelle with a gn!reader who has a habit of squishing peoples cheeks whenever they hold eye contact 4 too long? /*flutters eyelashes cutely*/

THANKYOU PO IF YOY ACTUALLY DO THIS HOPE U DONT DROWN IN REQS OR SMTH HAVE A GREAT DAY MWAMWAA also i don't even know which characters are good with this kinda prompt so honestly im dependin on u 2 choose whoevee u want 🙇‍♀️ bye sissymars 🥺🥺🤭🤭🤗🤗

　　　　　　TWST x gn reader

　　　　『　malleus ,, sebek ,, riddle ,, cater ,, floyd ,, gender neutral reader    』

　　-> reader who squishes cheeks when ppl stare too much

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack

　　— TYSM 😭♥️♥️ this made my day omg ,, so glad you like my writing ,, i kinda did a few from each dorm you asked for except for octavinelle bc character limit is 5 for me 😭💔 but youre more than welcome to request for others ! :D hope you enjoy this 🙏❤️

    - malleus

| • he usually doesnt mean to stare for too long ,, always knowing it was rude and how it feels to be stared at by others

| • though he was focused on talking about the gargoyles at the gates and hadnt tore his gaze away for a moment

| • he shut up immediately the moment you reached out and squished his cheeks ,, eyes wide in astonishment

| • how fearless you are ,, child of man

| • he does ask about it ,, wondering what the reason was for ,, and when he learns why he apologizes and promises not to do it again

    - sebek

| • bro was on another rant abt his master ,, how courageous and how kind he is for putting up with these stupid humans everyday

| • oh how he adored his master ,, how pure and wonderful he was

| • it got to the point he was shaking your shoulders and making direct ,, intense ,, eye contact

| • annoyed with how long he was staring ,, you reached up and squeezed his cheeks

| • he jumps back ,, so confused and offended

| • why would you do that !?? explain now human !!

| • he huffs and puffs about the reasoning ,, but listens and respects your boundaries

    - riddle

| • he was probably ranting about another reckless first year making a mess of the kitchen or some students ignoring the queen’s rules

| • he didnt mean to stare for too long ,, most likely already knowing about how you get about it

| • when you squish his cheeks ,, he may or may not have let out an embarrassing squeak

| • he’ll puff his cheeks and apologize ,, telling you not to talk abt the squeak to anyone

| • his face is so red by the end ,, embarrassed he let himself stare too long and let out a squeak

    - cater

| • knowing how observant he is ,, he’d know about it immediately when he sees you do it to ace and deuce

| • he’ll be quick to discard his eyes when he realizes hes been looking too long

| • though he sort of stared a little too long once ,, trying to take a selfie with you

| • when you squish his cheeks outta nowhere ,, he’ll jump back a little and almost drop his phone

| • he apologizes and says he was adoring you for the moment ,, before taking the selfie and moving on to focus on that

    - floyd

| • he probably stares on purpose when he gets ahold of this information

| • its only so you can squish his cheeks ,, hes a bit weird abt it ,, craving your touch and if staring at you long enough grants him that then he will gladly do so

| • but if you get rlly bothered by it than he will stop

| • this time he just happened to do it accidentally ,, trying to memorize your smile as much as he could while it was there

| • he didnt realize what he was doing until you squeezed his cheeks with a huff

| • he blinked a few times before giggling and pulling you into his lap ,, wrapping his arms around you

| • “ ahhh sorry shrimpy ~ i didnt mean to stare too much ,,” he purred before pressing a kiss to your head

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #🌊.octavinelle #floyd leech #floyd x reader #🌊.floyd #♥️.heartslabyul #riddle x reader #riddle rosehearts #♥️.riddle #cater x reader #cater diamond #♥️.cater #⚜️.diasomnia #malleus x reader #malleus draconia #⚜️.malleus #sebek x reader #sebek zigvolt #⚜️.sebek #☁️.twst

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

#ask #pariskim #charlie kelly #joyce kelly #ramblings #i hav lots of thoughts nd feelings nd smday ill draw out charlie's whole timeline th way iv ben meaning to #th same way charlie holds th gang togethr charlie holds my whole viewpoint of iasip togethr #i gave myself a headache writing this post i spent more time xplaining my years of tboy charlie thinking than joyce im sry lmao #but i do lov her

[pastadoughie]

Read over what was going on with anon asks and your posts, and tbh, if you are 16 and you are reaching this kind of critical thinking and actively trying to better yourself through meaningful debates and convos, you are doing god's fucking work from early. I couldn't even begin to form the kind of arguments you are articulating at your age in your posts, so fucking kudos.

I have a similar opinion of sexism being bad no matter the form it takes, patriarchy affects everyone because it imposes roles on everyone, not only women. Breaking those roles on all sides and genders should be the ultimate goal, not try to benefit from the system to become the oppressor.

In any case dude, good luck with the unavoidable influx of people who will misinterpret your posts. Also, your art is hella cool!

i think that alot of ppl just have a rlly hard time like, getting over the gut response to defend themselves when they recieve some kind of serious critisism, like, i think ppl understand on some level that sexism as a concept is stupid, but it can be hard to fully see all the nuances it takes and like, actually recognize it when its subtler

sexism is bad and when i point out that alot of you guys believe ideas that are like, really sexist then thats like, im assuming none of you are like "YEAA SEXISM RUELZZZ!!!! I HATE PEOPLE BASED ON THIER GENDOR" and u rlly rlly dont wanna be lumped into that group

its rlly normal to not wanna be mischaracterized and if you dont self identify as sexist then when someone points out sexist retoric it feels like an unfair and reductive veiw of u

and its like, you really really really need to work past that, im talking abt this stuff because i want ppl to change and be better and if you want that for yourself u have to like rlly chew on these kinds of things

i think what alot of people have issues with is like, relatability in artwork, like "of course im gonna like art with queer women in it more and find it more valueble if im a queer woman" but i think that this points to a really rigid and uphelpful veiw of gender

ive discussed before that, because the mind numbing ammount of biological differences people have theres no actual objective definition of sex or gender, its socially constructed and entirely arbitrary and subjective

i think that labels for sexuality and gender are useful shorthand in our current society though ideally we wouldnt need them, but you need to remember that these things arent rigid

butch lesbian is not a definable group, gay man is not a definable group, they are arbitrary words that mean something different for literally every different person

likewise acting like those meaningless labels somehow make some artwork more or less valueble just points to a bias against people with a certain label

like, the labels dont mean anything they shouldnt change your veiw of a work, if you resonate with a peice of work why does it matter what label is put on it? why does that affect your veiw on the peice?

and yes you are objectively going to relate to some experiences more then others, but i dont think relatability should effect how you value the work, infact id argue seeing perspectives different then your own is incredibly incredibly valueble and, if your disregarding (even subconciously) certain things because theyre made by men then that not only hurts men but it hurts you, it isolates you

maybe i didnt word that perfectly im not always the most articulate but like, i think most of the issues people are having with this are coming from me articulating things maybe not as intuatively as i could or from people refusing to properly engadge with what i have to say

idk, regarding the people accusing me of transmysogeny i just wanna say that like, I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO TALKING TO YOU ABT THIS!! i want to be better and i dont want to be mysogenistic! and if you do see concerning behavior in me i want to be told of it, you keeping these kinds of things to yourself or refusing to engadge with me when i actively am trying to be like, thourough and nuanced about things is just kinda, not productive

#the beast speaks #ask #asks #the-fifteen #retchid opinions

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do? #me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care #but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour #away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from #sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont #care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it #manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean #i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking #measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her #new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted #ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning #for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering #and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself #amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads #god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im #putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do #so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u #productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh #look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment #whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh #but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see #uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs #unrelated

[heartsoji]

being the inarizaki vb club's precious manager hcs

summary: you sign up to be the boys vb team manager bc like why not you'd prob get some good organization skills but you end up gaining some bffs, some bruises, and a whole crew of bodyguards

warnings: a liiiiiittle bit of swearing and mentions of harassment also its not proofread

you signed up to be the manager for the boy's vb team not knowing what it would be like

it was ur second year of high school and u had quit abt 7 clubs bc they just weren't that interesting

not like in a mean way like "ugh! this is too boring for my tastes smh" but just it didn't have any appeal so u smiled and resigned with no hard feelings yk

IT WASNT LIKE A SALTY QUIT U JUST COULDNT FIND ANYTHING THAT WAS FUN AND THAT U WERE PASSIONATE ABT I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH ITS NOT LIKE THAT GIRL'S HOST HOPPING THING FROM OURAN

tbh u just didn't rly know what other club to sign up for and the boys vb team needed a manager soo..

they honestly should have just put "babysitting some brats that are somehow the same age" instead of "managing the boy's volleyball team"

they are so protective of you lol

like this one time you let out a little scream bc some random teacher touched your no-no square in a very intentional way

the vb team was THERE in 2 seconds flat

kita stares at him intensely while holding back the twins by their shirt to keep them from quite literally MURDERING THAT MAN

aran calms down ginjima and akagi who literally just start hyperventilating

suna stares at him. hard.

the twins who are unable to attack him just scream

"WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. TO. OUR. MANAGER U FUCKING JACKASS" etc

the teacher got fired the next day funny coincidence huh ?

ANYWAYS

kita is actually helpful

he's canonically good at keeping ur fellow second years in check so lucky u !

hes also rly organized and tidy which is v helpful !

aran is such a sweetie

helps u out in any way that he can

also acts a pillow to some of kita's blunt blows

like "he means that he's sorry bc he realized that he seems kinda unappreciative of ur efforts sometimes" when kita says smth like "sorry for not saying nice words to you"

a translator for kita, basically

akagi shares ur puppy energy so the two of u get along rly well

ur both friendly ppl so its a v sweet and wholesome relationship

u sometimes have to stop gin from making bad decisions but ugs get along well

also ugs r both second years so ur classes r on the same floor so u see each other in school sometimes

as for the main 3 brats AKA some of your fellow second years who somehow become ur new bffs

atsumu is SUCH A FLIRT but like jokingly bc that's just how he is yk

always talking to you and annoying you like atsumu would u just like stfu pls and thanks

osamu is constantly slapping atsumu to provoke him (which is so stupid tbh but works every single time lmao)

is always eating like u turn around during class and he's just eating an onigiri behind his folder 😐

ugs like to gang up on atsumu its a great bonding activity

you and suna r sleep buddies bc u both r so sleep-deprived

well suna's just a sleepy person but u r sleep deprived so ugs will sleep side-by-side during free periods

suna always forgets his lunch so u've learned to pack extra for him

you let him sleep on ur lap and he lets u sleep in his

when the four of u take buses or trains to hang out u and suna always sit next to each other so that ugs can fall asleep on each other

if ur up for it he'll cuddle with u platonically

bc ppl r great body pillows and a good source of warmth

only if ur comfy with it tho ofc

the twins (mostly atsumu but a bit of osamu) will tease ugs abt being a couple but both of ugs just roll ur eyes and go back to sleep lmao

you ended up staying to be their manager for the rest of high school bc of how much fun it is

#kita shinsuke #ojiro aran #ginjima hitoshi #akagi michinari #miya atsumu #miya osamu #suna rintaro #suna cuddles #manager hcs #haikyuu #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #inarizaki #inarizaki hcs #haikyuu drabbles

[sleepy-vix]

journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}

#sleepy vix #vix's journal