#jesper fahey x fem!reader | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sileaz · 1 year

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Gemstone ✦ J.F.

✦ Jesper Fahey x Fem! Lantsov! Reader

━━━━━ ( SYNOPSIS. ) Your monotonous life as the youngest Lantsov takes an unexpected turn when, one evening, you come face to face with a man⏤ "a Crow," he insists⏤who seems determined to steal a mysterious jewel.

5K words ✦ Fluff

In a distant province, at the crossroads of several lands—Fjerda to the north and Shu Han to the south—stood a kingdom both adored and despised: Ravka. The few lonely souls, strangers to this land, who wished to cross its borders had to face the dark horror of the fold or the unpredictability of the True Sea when you did not come from the East.

If, luckily, your feet managed to tread the paved ground of the capital, Os Alta, then your gaze would be instantly drawn to the castle overlooking the city. It dominated the land, its tallest tower almost touching the sun as it was high in the sky, sending shade over the streets which, observed from above, took the form of a gigantic star. In the outer area, where peasants and simple souls lived, the houses piled up in a dancing procession of bricks, roofs, and whimsical walls. Small, large, squares, long… none were similar. Each house seemed to have been carefully shaped by the own hands of those who lived behind its walls.

One needed to venture into the heart of the city for the buildings to become more structured, losing their charm but gaining in size and prestige. Colours also disappeared, replaced by the monotonous grey of the stone, sometimes adorned with the shine of gold but without ever provoking in the retina of the passers-by a flamboyant explosion similar to those triggered by the peripheric villages. The Ravkan elite were jealous of the beautiful sight they sometimes saw on their way out of the city, separated in their carriages.

Flowers.

They covered the villages. At every corner of the streets, of the houses, the flowers decorated and coloured the hamlets with a palette of hues which could be seen nowhere else. They were an ode to greenery, colour, and joy. Its inhabitants spent their days telling each other the news of the day without worrying about the horrors that this world had to offer. It was as if the Fold had not touched them. Perhaps they wished to hide all the fear that poverty and the uncertainty of tomorrow could bring in this blooming spectacle.

Roses, hydrangeas, cornflowers, honeysuckles, lilies… all were there, adding their colours to the great and ubiquitous floral harmony, which Os Alta’s centre could only envy, as did the prettiest flower in the kingdom, trapped in the colour-and-flowerless castle. Lovely, radiant, delicate; she was a bud still waiting to be picked.

For gilding blinds the sorrow, no one knew that, enclosed in the top of her golden tower—the highest in the castle—her petals were fading one by one. Slowly. Painfully.

The sound of the piano resonated the room. It was heard, it was understood and appreciated. It made itself understood by all those present except by the person who played it. You could see your fingers moving with grace and delicacy. You were not feeling the music, you were enduring it. For you, this was not a melody, it could not possibly become one. Those were only sounds; sounds without any poetry, nor any meaning.

In the middle of this symphony, suddenly, a false note.A false note that sounded better than a note perfectly played. A false note that reminded you that nothing could be perfect — despite what your mother endeavoured herself to tell you. You wanted to smile, smile at the joy that this mistake had caused you. But you held back, keeping your back straight, your gaze fixed on the music sheet and its lines stained with shapes, of which you understood only a quarter.

“Start again.”

The voice was carried away by the draught, but nevertheless, it reached your ears: a low voice, a firm tone—annoyance. Just like that, your hands began to move again, to move to the rhythm of the notes, without any fault. The sound escaped from the strings pinched by the hammers, encompassing the room in a musical trance in which you did not participate. Your gestures, alike that of a puppet controlled by strings, stopped abruptly when, at last, the final three notes resonated several minutes later.

“You’ll play it until it reaches perfection. It is out of the question to pass for fools because of you at the gala.”

“Yes, mother.”

Receiving a positive comment from your genetrix was impossible. This lack of acknowledgment hurt you more than you wanted to admit, but no one knew about this. Your mother—the Queen—had, after all, done an exceptional job when she had taught you the art of hiding your emotions.

“A dignified queen must always appear in control of the situation, even if she is not.”

“A respectable queen must not let her emotions supplant her wisdom. They are detrimental and useless.”

These sentences were simple excerpts that made up the long list of manners you had to learn. For your parents, most specifically your mother, these were the most important thing to remember. They had focused on instructing their values. They had tried to turn you into their perfect little pet. They had not noticed how they had deprived you of freedom. They had grown attached to perfection, even more than to their own daughter.

These pieces of advice had fixed themselves in your mind. You didn’t let any feelings appear. Never an ounce of fear, anger, sadness could be seen on your face. Never once you questioned this method. Never once you thought that, perhaps, humankind needed it. Never once you thought that perhaps, it was vital for humans to show their emotions.

The most painful thing was to see that this did not apply to your brothers. Nikolai had been allowed to travel at sea, becoming a privateer guided by the wind. Vasily, when he was alive, had had the chance to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh, alcohol, life.

The sound of many steps, followed by one of a closing door was the warning signal to drop this mask that had become too heavy for you; this illusion of a model princess, the worthy heir to the throne of Ravka. The citizens thought they had a strong woman in front of them, ready to lead their destiny to glory as your father had tried and failed to do.

They were wrong.

You were none of that. Sometimes, your thoughts would take you on a journey into a parallel world, a world in which royalty did not flow through your veins, a world in which luxury was only one thing you could dream of.

You stood still for a while, staring at those black and white keys; these keys that contradicted the saying, “life is not just black or white.” And it was true. Life was not reduced to two side. Life was an expanse of hues, unique to each individual. Most people had a colourful expanse, similar to the various flowers adorning the village’s streets. Some, more melancholic, held an expanse of dark tones, as dark as the Fold. You, however, had only ever experienced an expanse of grey. Your life had taken the form of a repetitive and boring rhythm, a rhythm that did not make you sing, a rhythm that did not make you dance, a rhythm that made you want to sit on a chair and stay motionless.

Resuming touch with reality, you looked around. Only silence answered you. No maid, no valet, but most of all, no mother, something that relaxed you. Your shoulders, until then tensed, fell back into their natural place, just like the curvature of your back, until then so straight that it had made you feel acute pain in your kidneys.

It was a routine you cherished, that of being able to remove for a few moments this mask of the perfect student, to be able to cut the puppet’s strings. The unfortunate thing, and above all the most painful, however, was knowing that these threads and this mask would control you again in a few hours. Oh, how much you hated this life. If only you could run away, your existence would immediately become simpler. You envied criminals and their lawless world. No more responsibilities, no more orders, no more parents and their lack of empathy. Nothing more than freedom.

How beautiful it was to dream...

You waited for a few moments, finding solace in this silence which, while some might have described it as deafening, differed so much from the sound of this damned piano. That was maybe why you thought of it as beautiful. Standing up was a difficult task to achieve; no matter the season, day, time, your maids persisted in covering your body with the most delicate fabrics and intriguing knots, the beauty of the outfit had always prevailed over comfort, forcing you to keep a smile on your face while your chest was constantly compressed.

When, finally, you headed for your quarters, walking with a steady and assured step, you admired the windows and the beautiful landscape they offered you. The sunset had been magnificent and the moon, almost full, had risen, pouring its silvery light over the plain, the mountain and the mounds that rose here and there.

During your journey among the huge corridors empty of any presence, you observed the bindings of the walls for which you could not pretend care. The people your mother and brothers invited, governors, diplomats from neighbouring lands, were ecstatic at every detail of these walls, floors. They admired the finesse with which the sculptor had carved the stones, the candlesticks covered in gold and the precision of the carpenter who had created the dressers.

All you could see was bricks, candles, and wood. Nothing less, nothing more. There was nothing worth babbling in admiration, after all, it was obvious that these people possessed excessive castles and other dwellings adorned with the same, if not better, attributes. It was only the result of the sheer hypocrisy in which the court of the king, your father, had bathed. Among this crowd, all wanted to be thought highly of, thus laughing falsely at every word, before criticizing those with whom they had just discussed.

However, you were careful to not share your observations with these people, who would laugh with contempt at each of your words, wondering how such an ungrateful and uneducated girl would become the queen.

The castle was plunged into darkness with one exception; on the stones the yellow glow of the still illuminated candlesticks glowed. Your hands caressed the soft fabric of your white silk dress out of sheer nervousness. The wind was howling, crashing against the windows and trees. Chills ran down your spine. The grip on the fabric not loosening, you picked up the pace, hoping to get to your room as soon as possible. Something was terrifying about being alone in this vastness.

Your trembling pupils grew larger as the candlelight dimmed. You felt that the temperature of the castle had suddenly dropped, your whole body beginning to shiver. The silence that you had enjoyed earlier had been broken, disturbed by whispers, footsteps that seemed to become louder. Passing by the throne room, your whole body froze when your eye caught something abnormal.

The door was ajar.

That had never happened before, you were sure of it. In all the moments that made up your miserable life, never had you seen this door open at night. The castle guards made sure to lock it every night, before beginning their rounds. This room was only open to the public on very rare occasions; even yourself could count on your fingers the number of times your feet had treaded the tiled floor. Of course, the gala was approaching fast, but why start preparations in the middle of the night? It was complete nonsense.

Deciding that it would be a wise decision to check what was going on, you approached the carved and gilded door, full of apprehension.

You did not believe in all the nonsense that the old madwoman of the village uttered all day long, this lady whom all the inhabitants had praised for her talents as an oracle. There was nothing more ridiculous than thinking of having power over the future yet so uncertain and anything else mystical. However, and as much as you hated to admit it, as you stood, ready to open that door, you could only trust your instinct. Something didn’t feel right.

Trembling, your fingers wrapped themselves around one of the handles, ready to push it to glimpse inside. With your gaze fixed on your action, it was impossible for you to notice the human silhouette that merged with yours.

“Hello there.”

A bloodcurdling scream resonated in the castle. Yours.

“Shush, princess. It would be a shame to get caught. Don’t you think?”

A hand was pressed against your mouth, forcing you to swallow back your protests. Pupils trembling, heart beating fast, your first reaction was to struggle. Your assailant took the blows without flinching as if your kicks were just a caress. Many tears flowed down your cheeks. Fear slowly crept into your veins, like a snake crawling through a deserted forest, not wanting to be spotted by potential prey.

The only exception being that, here, you were the prey.

What was going to happen to you? Was this how your life was going to end, at the hands of a criminal? The latter loosened his grip on your waist, but while you saw an opportunity to escape, your ambitions were completely destroyed when he, instead, imprisoned your wrists. The man pulled you into the room with him before closing the door, which you were sure awoke the whole castle.

"Sorry princess, but I need you to stay quiet a little longer.”

A candle was lit, illuminating the face of the man who would surely be responsible for your death. You felt your cheeks warm at the sight of man. Tall and graceful, his features exuded a mix mischievousness and innocence—what a joke, you thought. A slight mocking but sweet smile was addressed to you. A smile so beautiful it must have been carved by the sun itself. He was beautiful, even ethereal. Never had your father’s pretenders reached the level of beauty you were now facing. His curly black hair fell before dark eyes, sparkling of malice. Bowing, he grabbed your hand to lay a kiss on it, a gift from his pink and thin lips.

"My name is Jesper, princess. It is an honour to meet the one who makes the entire kingdom swoon,” he winked.

“The honour is not mutual. Unhand me at this instant, thief.”

“Ouch, careful with your words, princess! I’m not a thief. I’m a Crow,” he insisted.

You had heard about this name. Nikolai had mentioned it in one of his many letters. You could not remember the exact term he had used to describe them, but there was no doubt that crime was a byword for it.

It was just your luck to be faced with a member of one of the Ketterdam gangs.

For the first time in many months, a dose of adrenaline rushed in your veins. For the first time in many years, the excitement of being a part of an adventure—even though you were the victim — rushed in your veins. For the first time in your life, you felt alive.

You were pathetic, you knew it, walking into the lion's den so simply. Perhaps it was because you so desperately wished to live and feel, even fear. Perhaps it was because he had been the only one in several years to speak to you with a semblance of emotions in his voice, even if it was malice. This tone changed from the contemptuous one used by all those with whom you had been forced to converse.

This man, you did not know him, had just spoken to you as a normal person, if we ignored the excessive use of “princess.” So, yes, maybe this man—a strange character—, who had just broken in the castle if we were to judge the dust on his hands and face, should have been reported to the guards from the moment his hand had met yours… That should have been his destiny, yes, but you could not bring yourself to do it.

“I demand you to immediately let go of my hand, sir,” you repeated, for he had seemed deaf to your order the first time.

He did so, but not without caressing your skin which he found to be as soft as a plum. The harmonious features that made up your face were royal, worthy of a queen. You were one of the most beautiful sculptures of beauty, a faithful allegory of the saints. Jesper could not look away from your figure. He found your beauty almost poetic as it told a story. On your skin, he saw the expression line caused by excessive and forced laughter. In your eyes, he could see the redness caused by repressed tears. The image you sent back was that of a masterpiece of celestial and melancholy.

All these rumours, those which spoke of an heiress with beauty as pure as a Saint were true.

After straightening his posture, the shooter dusted off his clothes. This particular gesture caused you to draw your attention to them. The black suit adorning his body made you frown, confirming your thoughts. An outfit like this had no place in this castle.

"Who are you, and what is the reason for your presence here, sir?”

A smile lit up his face as he approached you—making your breath hitch at the same time. What a strange man, you thought. He didn’t seem to care about anything, not even the fact that a single word coming out of your mouth could lead him to death. His step was light, giving the impression that he was floating rather than walking. With one hand, he grabs a strand of your hair, wriggling it around his index finger. Two mischievous eyes met yours.

To say you were surprised at this closeness with a stranger was an understatement. Wanting to keep you pure for your husband, your mother had strictly forbidden you to approach men, no matter their age, without a chaperone. Since childhood, your thoughts had been occupied by the responsibilities of being queen, the future that awaited you, never had you had time to find a moment to let your imagination flow to men. This land was totally unknown for you.

That’s why you didn't understand what was happening to you.

Why had your heart suddenly started to beat wildly when the scents of tobacco and musk, an exquisite combination, had reached your senses?

“I already told you,” a sly smile appeared on his face, “The name’s Jesper. The prettiest member of the Crows. As for my presence here… I am looking for a particular object, a gemstone if I may add.” He refrained from saying more. Kaz would kill him.

It was as if someone had just poured a bucket full of ice water on your body. A grimace formed on your face, a face that, you hated to admit, when you were angered, took on features that were known to belong to your mother. Your hand abruptly put an end to his touch by pulling his finger out of your hair. Two steps backwards were taken before an accusatory finger was pointed towards him.

"If you think I will let you steal my brother’s crown or his sceptre, then you’re absolutely wrong. You must leave before I warn the guards about your arrival and how you manhandled me.”

“It won’t be necessary, sweetheart,” he replied, starting once again to play with your hair. He admired for a few moments the strands against which his fingers were slipping, they shone so much that he could have confused them with silk. You swatted his hand away, huffing. This man was slowly but surely pissing you off. "The gemstone will already be too far away for it to be recovered.”

Impossible. The guards had been chosen amongst the bravest and strongest men in Ravka. It was not a wretched criminal—his clothes made him look like one—that was going to counter that. He was alone, there were dozens of them. You shared your thoughts with him, scoffing at how ridiculous and overconfident he sounded.

"What is this jewel, anyway?” you went on, annoyance slowly increasing. “It must be small if you think its disappearance will not be noticed.”

He imprisoned between his long fingers your chin, which he directed upwards, before plunging his gaze into yours. His pupils were unstable, constantly going back and forth on your lips, your cheeks, your forehead, your hair…

You were really beautiful, ethereal even, he thought.

This man—that you had never heard of—was watching, even scrutinizing you, so intensely that you broke the eye contact, embarrassed. With his simple glance, the man had just sent the immeasurable number of lessons given by your mother flying. Even if it was impossible to hide the erratic beat of your heart and the warmth of your cheeks, you tried to maintain a neutral expression.

The words he articulated were spoken in a soft but mischievous voice, in the same tone that someone who would have taken to tell a secret.

"It’s the most beautiful gemstone in the kingdom. It is said that its beauty exceeds that of a pure diamond. Many wish to make it theirs; hypnotized at the thought of seeing this mysterious treasure with their own eyes. It is however inaccessible, enclosed between the walls of this castle. Only the most reckless tried to overcome this obstacle, but no one had succeeded. No one until me.”

"I… I am… not sure I understand what you may be talking about, Mr. Jesper.” Your voice was trembling, by the Saints, why was it trembling?

He shrugged, reassuring you that you would soon understand what his words meant. Looking around, assessing the room in which you were both still standing, his gaze finally landed on a small door at the back, next to the imposing throne. You swallowed when you understood where his eyes were focused. In this room was the wanted gemstone, worth millions of kruge. If by misfortune, this Jesper, whoever he was, managed to gain access to this room, your mother would have his head and yours with it.

"You cannot do that.” The façade you were trying to keep intact was starting to crack, its bases weakening at each of his words. It would collapse soon, for sure. Nevertheless, you had to hold it together until he was no longer in front of you. It was out of the question for him to see how his mere presence was managing to destabilize you.

"It isn’t in there. Though I might have to return one day. I could use some diamonds or even rubies. I’m not picky. Both suit my complexion, he sassed.”

What a boor!

The way he behaved triggered in you a fire that was increasingly becoming more difficult to contain. You were bubbling with anger. Didn’t this man understand what his presence here meant? Didn’t he understand how dangerous it was for him, for you? Frowning, fists clenched so strongly that your nails had made crescent shapes appear in your palms, you tried to stay calm. However, something in you snapped when he had the nerve to laugh.

"Get out! I said get out!”

Your cry was so loud that he recoiled several steps, his hands held up.

“Wow, calm down princess.”

The feeling of having your face on fire becoming disagreeable, you breathed slowly, a hand on it to calm you down. The beating of your heart resonating in your ears, you did not hear the few patting that sounded strangely like footsteps. It was only when the thief approached you, catching your hand in his, that you did realize the threat that was advancing faster and faster, always getting a little closer to its prey. You two.

Suddenly, many sounds of metal friction were heard in the silence of the castle, before shouted orders resonated, they had been pronounced so precisely that they could only be uttered by those who regularly surveyed these grounds.

The guards.

Your wide eyes crossed those of the man. The latter, frightened, stared in front of him, a hand on the holster on his belt, trying to determinate how long it would take these men to reach you. By the sound of their armours, it would not take long. Shaking his head, his thoughts converged in the same direction: he had to protect you—you were precious cargo, after all. Not that you knew.

Kaz would have his head if he were to scuttle the heist.

A profanity was muttered; it being a word you couldn’t even bear pictured in your thoughts. Without you being able to understand what was going on, your body found itself placed without any delicacy on a shoulder clad in black clothes.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I promise I’m a renowned gentleman in Ketterdam.”

“Ketterdam?!”

Jesper began to run at full speed to one of the nearest windows, mysteriously already opened. He must have broken in through here, you concluded. Looking behind him, the man hurried to jump off the ledge when his eyes caught sight of the armed men’s horde dressed in armour.

Ignoring your screams, and the blows your little fists dealt to his back, he reaffirmed his grip on you before jumping, trying his best to protect you as much as possible from the impact.

The flower field softened your landing.

The eyes that you had closed under fear began to filter the moonlight again. The incomprehension could be seen on your face. If he had had the intelligence to steal his oh so precious gemstone and leave without a word, everything would have gone well. It wouldn’t have been difficult for you to make up a lie about your presence in this room.

After all, lies were nothing new to you, they were constantly spilling from your lips. “Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’m glad to be here. Yes, I can’t wait to become the queen.” Finding an alibi would have been a breeze and would have allowed the thief to escape safely. But, in the name of the Saints! Why did he drag you into this? Now his chances of survival had just been reduced to nothing and you were cold.

In the middle of the chaos that were your thoughts, you could not help but notice something, however. Watching his pockets, nothing seemed to resemble near or far to a jewel.

“Where’s that famous gemstone? Tell me this mess wasn’t caused for nothing.”

“It’s right there, sweetheart.” Not waiting any longer, he took your hand, dragging you through the field of flowers, moving you further and further away from the castle. “Hurry up before the kingdom learns that their precious princess is gone.”

Soon you reached Os Alta’s outskirts.

Your eyes looked around, admiring with almost childlike curiosity the greenery that surrounded you. Stopping, forcing Jesper to do the same, you crouch in the grass, unconcerned about getting your dress dirty. Your eyes wide open, sparkling with happiness, fixed themselves on a flower with red petals. Slowly, your index came to caress the sweetness of this little gift that nature had honoured your kingdom with. One tear flowed, then the other, falling delicately on one of the petals, a morning dew ahead of time.

For the first time, you saw and touched a real flower that was much more beautiful that what you had imagined the windows of the castle. For the first time, you could admire nature in its most beautiful form, you could be part of this painting and not just have to look at it knowing that it would never become a reality.

Watching the delicate features of the man who had just taken your hand to help you get up, gently caressing it with his thumb, you laugh. For the first time in your life, a real laugh shook your body, lodged tears of joy in your eyes. For the first time in your life, you felt free. For the first time in your life, you took your courage with both hands, ignoring the voice of your mother who tormented your thoughts, and stood on tiptoe to land a delicate kiss on Jesper's cheek, near his lips.

There was a silence that caused your heart to miss a beat. Did you just ruin everything? Perhaps you were deluding yourself? God, you could already hear your mother yelling at you, and the court laughing. Your cheeks tinged with red by embarrassment, you desperately tried to get away from him, wanting to preserve the last spark of dignity you had but you could not do such thing, already his arm had imprisoned your waist and his hand your cheek. Without your brain being able to apprehend the rest, his lips landed delicately on yours, but they immediately withdrew, so quickly that you thought you had imagined their warmth. A chaste kiss, which sent your thoughts into unspeakable chaos. With wide eyes, red face, you tried to hide the latter in the man’s chest shaken by his laughter.

“We’ll do more of that later, Jewel. For now, we need to get moving or Kaz will definitely have my head and I need it to kiss you.”

Suddenly, in the grey hue that had summed up your whole life, drops of paint fell. They fell by dozens. Red. Yellow. Even green. A real summer shower whose raindrops painted the air, your soul, your heart in colours all brighter than the other. It was a splendid picture of a field of flowers that appeared in your thoughts. In the midst of these tasks of colour, of cheerfulness, two silhouettes ran, their hands intertwined; above them, a crow loomed, almost like a protector.

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lokisfirecracker · 1 year

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jesper fahey tags

#jesper fahey #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey fluff #jesper fahey smut #jesper fahey angst #kaz and jesper #jesper fahey x you #six of crows jesper #soc jesper #jesper fahey imagine #jesper fahey x fem!reader #jesper x reader #jesper fahey x wylan van eck #jesper fahey x y/n #six of crows #sab #soc

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raz-writes-the-thing · 5 months

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Passing The Baton (Six of Crows One-Shot)

Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader / requests are open and encouraged

Summary: To your knowledge, your crush on Kaz is unrequited. Apparently this is not the case.

CW: Kaz is dumb but we love him

SAB/SOC Tag List: (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Kaz ‘Dirtyhands’ Brekker. Bastard of The Barrel. Also- your unrequited love. Kaz had caught your eye just as he had caught everyone else’s. Everyone knew not to mess with the Dregs, and that was thanks to Kaz. Before he’d risen through the ranks of the club, the Dregs had been no one. Quite literally the dregs of society- and while, yes, that was where the name came from, it was quite the rise to fame as the Dregs started getting more and more popular, and more and more dangerous.

Even the Crow Club was starting to become a real pain in the other clubs’ asses.

But Kaz? He’d fascinated you well before any of this. You’d been working at the Crow Club as a serving girl since before Kaz arrived. Not long, mind, but long enough before that you got to experience both sides of the Dregs’ fortune.

Kaz hadn’t seemed to take much notice of you at first- and why would he? Weren’t you just another serving girl being groped by the drunk patrons? Anything to make a few Kruge. But he did take notice when you threatened to cut the balls off a patron when said patron got a little too handsy one day.

He’d taken you back into his office and thwacked his cane on the table hard enough to scratch the varnish and told you rather harshly to never do that again. To come to him next time there was an issue like that and he’d deal with it… discretely.

What that had meant was clear only to Kaz, and that was fine by you. But that was when your little crush had really taken off. What could you say? You liked a bad boy. Someone who could handle his own and Kaz could definitely handle his own. Cane or no.

Despite telling you off, Kaz had clearly taken note that you weren’t afraid to get your hands a little dirty either, something he had an appreciation and mutual respect for. And so you went from lowly serving girl to, well, still a serving girl, but a serving girl who also took jobs for Dirtyhands and worked with him to secure patronage for the club, and Kruge for his and your own pockets. And for Per Haskell’s pockets as well, you supposed. Lazy bastard.

But you longed for more.

You longed for Kaz’s touch, for his lips on your skin. You longed for his affections as much as you longed for his approval. It was a dangerous combination.

As far as you could tell, he did not feel the same way. But then again, would you have ever known otherwise? Kaz kept his cards close to his chest- as he should.

Today seemed different though. You’d barely made it back from a job and Kaz seemed… angry, to put it lightly. You had no idea why, though, considering you got what he wanted, and made it out alive, too. Win-win.

Inej may have had to save you, but that was beside the point.

“You need to be careful,” he said, mouth pursed angrily. “You can’t be making reckless choices and silly mistakes. This is The Barrel. I can’t afford mistakes.”

You met his harsh gaze head-on and shoved the ledger he’d asked for into his chest with vigour. Kaz didn’t even break the gaze between you, just reached with one gloved hand to take the ledger off you.

“I got what you wanted, didn’t I?”

A muscle in Kaz’s jaw twinged.

“That is not the point.”

You let out an exasperated scoff, removing your hand from his chest with another soft shove. Surprisingly, Kaz lets the action move him.

“Then what is the point?” You ask, frustration evident in your features.

“The point is- oh, for Saints’ sake,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We could have lost you. I could have lost you.”

Your eyebrows practically disappeared into your hairline.

“You could have lost me…” you trail off, echoing his words, feeling them out for hidden meanings.

“You’re a good investment. I don’t like to lose investments.”

Oh. Okay. An investment. You should have known that that was all you were to him. That’s all you were ever going to be to Kaz no matter how much you wished differently. Ridiculous.

“Of course,” you reply, turning to walk away. “Your investment needs a dri-hey!”

Kaz’s gloved hand snatches at your forearm and yanks you back towards him. You re-balance yourself and glare at him, looking between the tight grip he has on your arm and his heated glare.

“Stop,” he says before forcing his features to soften. “I’m not one for feelings.” He practically shudders through the word. “You’re more than that. An investment, I mean.”

You stay quiet, not giving him anything to work with here, but you’re surprised he can’t hear the uptick in your heartbeat.

“Look,” his grip loosens. “I don’t want to lose you. Purely selfish reasons. Not because you’re an investment, but-” Kaz clears his throat and avoids eye contact. “I care for your wellbeing.”

It’s not an outright declaration of love, but it’s about as close to it as someone like Kaz would give. He’d bared his soul to you here. All the fractured, broken pieces of it. He’d bared his heart for you to treasure or smash into bitty little pieces.

You sucked in a breath.

“Are you saying you have feelings for me?”

Kaz grunts and lets go of your arm. You brush your fingers over where he’d just touched you.

“I suppose so, yes,” he said, eyes flitting to the door like he was thinking about making a run for it.

“Don’t suppose it would interest you to know I felt the same way, would it?”

And there it was. Passing the baton back to Kaz. Passing your heart in return for his. Now it was he who held the power to treasure or smash you into pieces.

Kaz finally met your gaze, and his lips ticked up into a small smirk.

“Oh, I knew that.”

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lookwhatyoumademedohaha · 1 year

Text

And that kids, is how I met your mother! Chapter 1 - Until I Found You

I would never fall in love again until I found her I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her I found you

Summary: Nikolai Lantsov is a falling in love with you. But do you feel the same way about him?

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader.

Warnings: Pure fluff, angst and comfort, humor, unrequited love, pining.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first Nikolai Lantsov fic so I hope that I did Nikolai’s character justice! I am thinking of making this a series and writing another part to this because this is not the end but the beginning! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because it means a lot to me! I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 2 - Labyrinth

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want

Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay

Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street

Nikolai Lantsov did not believe in love at sight. Nikolai was raised in a gleaming palace where love didn’t have a place in his life. He was raised and believed that love was not an option for a Lantsov son and the King of Ravka whose reason for marriage should be to forge political connections and produce heirs.

But then you had stormed into his life. And the moment Nikolai had seen you, he had been absolutely enchanted by you and there was no going back.

You had arrived into Ravkan Court a few weeks ago from Ketterdam with Nina Zenik who had come to visit Zoya and help her with training Grisha for a few months. Initially Nikolai had been informed that Nina would be arriving alone but he was pleasantly surprised when after Nina, you had stepped out of the carriage in wonder and amazement of a girl who was in a dream. Nina had introduced you to Nikolai, Zoya, David and Genya as part of the Crows in Ketterdam.

Nikolai couldn’t help falling in love with you. He knew it was silly to fall in love with you when he didn’t even know you properly but he loved the curve of your lips when you smiled at his jokes. He loved how you held yourself with a careless elegance as if you didn’t care what anyone else thought of you. He loved how your eyes would twinkle in love for your friends as you gave warm hugs to them and the joy that shined on your face whenever you sent letters to the Crows in Ketterdam. He loved how you treated everyone from Duke to servant with respect and kindness. He loved you on the days you were silent and reserved, lost in your myriad of thoughts. He loved your fierce scowl directed at him whenever he teased you and your blazing furious glare whenever you saw anyone hurt others. He loved the mischief and amusement that shone in you as you talked with children being childlike yourself making them giggle.

But there was a problem.

Your heart was set on someone far away in Ketterdam.

Nikolai had slyly poked around and investigated with a little help from Genya and Zoya whether you were single because he was aching with hope that you wouldn’t be in love with someone else. After torturing Nina who had kept her mouth shut for an impressively long time, he found out that you were in love with Kaz Brekker but he was not in love with you. You had set your hopeful heart in the hands of the Bastard of the Barrel who had used all of its love for a heist by making you play a role of his wife in a fake marriage for months. Everyone knew that you had agreed because you loved Kaz but as time passed, all the Crows thought Kaz had fallen in love with you because of different, sweet and soft - hearted, his heart in his eyes when he was around you. Nina had heard his heart for you and was certain Kaz reciprocated your feelings.

But after the scheme, the heist was over, Kaz has pushed you away and thrown you away with a disregard for your feelings as he crushed your heart into broken glass between his bloody claws. Kaz refused to acknowledge your love for him and face his feelings for you and he stayed stubborn no matter how hard the Crows tried to persuade him. So finally Nina who had enough of seeing you miserable and broken - hearted decided to bring you to Ravka because she believed a lot of distance, good food and a nice change of scenery would cheer you up.

A fake marriage with real feelings. Nikolai understood the feeling all too well. After all, Alina who had been engaged to him had chosen Mal but Nikolai’s heart had been crushed because he had liked Alina and wondered what was wrong with him. He never wanted anyone to feel such a pain and thinking of you suffering in silence, quietly trying to piece your broken heart pained him. He had noticed and wondered about the dark circles under your eyes, the glossy far away distant look in your eyes, the excitement fading when you finished looking through your letters you received from your friend as if there was one missing, the way you looked wistfully and sadly at lovers dancing in court and the quiet unhappiness you hid behind your forced smile when anyone mentioned Kaz Brekker.

Now Nikolai knew why and though he considered Kaz Brekker to be a mutual friend, he had an urge to punch Brekker in the face because why couldn’t he see you were beautiful and wonderful in every way? Why did he break you heart?

Nikolai knew that the smart option would be to give up and walk away from you because there was no chance you would ever return his love. But he was a fool when it came to you. The feelings he had for Alina seemed insignificant compared to the enormity and significance of the feelings he had for you. The moment Nikolai had seen you, he felt familiarity and the feeling of coming home bloom warmly within his heart as he felt alive for the very first time. Nikolai understood every poem about soulmates in that moment as he knew you were his great and beautiful love that only came once in a lifetime and could never be replaced and forgotten. Nikolai felt his heart whisper that you were the one every time you smiled at him and felt forever surround him whenever he held a conversation with you. You were a dream, a comet in the night sky.

And Nikolai knew that if he didn’t fight for you, fight for the love that he could have with you, he would be damned to regret and misery for the rest of his lifetime wondering what could have happened between them if he had faced his feelings and let you know that he loved you. Nikolai knew that even if you didn’t return his affections, he would never love anyone the way he loved you.

So he began trying to woo you. Nikolai complimented you, teased you endlessly receiving annoyed and amused glares from you, joked with you mischievously, asked you questions, spent his leisure time with you, found excuses to spend time with you and talked with you nervously stuttering and blushing and listening attentively to you because he was entranced by you. But in all his attempts to show you that he loved you, you would push him away with brushing off his compliments, gestures and comments with sarcastic remarks and the remarkable roll of your eyes and your guarded demeanor when you realized he was opening his heart to you.

Nikolai remembered the first time he had complimented you flirtatiously when he had seen you in the training grounds “Y/N, you look beautiful as a field of honeysuckle blooming in a spring afternoon.”

Nikolai relished the shock and surprise flushing in your face as your eyes grew guarded “I’m not interested. Save your sweet words for some princess.”

Nikolai appreciated how straightforward you were with him despite how it cut him deep to the bone as he had retorted cheekily “You are a princess to me.”

Nikolai had seen you shake your head in exasperation and walk away when Nikolai yelled out loud “I am going to marry you one day and make you the happiest princess in the world, mark my words Y/N! You’ll be my princess madly in love with me and we’ll live happily ever after!”

Zoya who had been with Nikolai had muttered something about being subtle but Nikolai whose heart was full of you and knew that if he said he was going to marry you one day, he probably would. His attention was only on you who had frozen mid step and then turned around toward him with a completely surprised and exasperated expression “Keep dreaming, Lantsov.”’

Nikolai still was utterly entranced and enchanted by you as he grinned widely, his eyes twinkling with mischief “I got eyes only for you.”

Nikolai saw you roll your eyes sarcastically in exasperation and annoyance at him but he had seen a faint hint of a smile curve on your face as you had walked away, giving him hope.

Genya thought Nikolai’s crush and attempts to show it were cute. Nina found this hilarious and amusing, encouraging this just to see Nikolai fail. Zoya rolled her eyes calling Nikolai a silly school boy falling over his knees pulling the pigtails of a little girl just to get your attention.

Nikolai who was lost in his thoughts about you as he took a stroll in the grounds felt depressed and exhausted by the work and the thought of you loving someone who didn’t appreciate you. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t see you as he bumped into you and both of you fell down.

Nikolai’s eyes widened in apology as he stuttered nervously trying to help you up “I apologize, Y/N. Are you hurt?”

“Oh, I’ve been in worse situations.” you replied cheerfully as you helped him up and looked at him with a cheerful smile that grew into a concerned expression as you observed the exhaustion written in his hazel eyes from ruling Ravka which he gave everything to.

Nikolai froze in surprise when you hugged him gently but he felt himself relax and loosen in your arms as he felt the heavy weight of duty begin to unfold as you whispered softly “Nikolai... just let it all go.”

Nikolai dropped his head on your shoulder feeling the burden of exhaustion throughout the months he had been carrying silently begin to fade away as tears sprang into his eyes and he choked out a sob because it was hard to be the King of Ravka. It was so hard to fight each day for his people, to nod and agree and disagree with his ministers who had plenty of plans and proposals, to keep an eye out for the number of enemies he was surrounded by and to smile and keep everything together so that Ravka could stand strong and unshaken. He didn’t have time to let go and be himself until you had come along. He didn’t even know it was so lonely and painful until he was in your arms, salty tears running down his cheeks as your arms embraced him warmly and your fingers threading through his blonde hair granting him comfort and peace.

Peace. He had not tasted it for a very long time.

Nikolai didn’t know how long he had cried in your arms but it felt like forever when he raised his head to look into your quiet and kind eyes.

He felt ashamed for being such a baby as he tried to move away and apologized “I am sorry. I have never wanted you to see me like this and burden you with my worries. I apologize for ruining your evening.”

“You do realize you are human?” you inquired sassily but there was utmost gentleness in it “And when are you going to realize that you are not alone? That you have friends around you who love you and want to share your burdens?”

Nikolai was taken aback in surprise at your kindness as he blinked back his tears but you took his hand in yours tentatively and gently “You’re allowed to have very bad days and cry and scream and throw a tantrum about it. You are not alone. I’m your friend, Nikolai and that means you share your burdens and worries with me and I’m going to be there for you. You don’t have to pretend around me.”

Nikolai felt a small smile curve on his face as a spark of comfort spouted in him “That means a great deal to me but I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“You worry about everyone but who worries about you? I’m going to worry about you because I want to and you can’t order me not to!” you exclaimed passionately with a fierce scowl that made Nikolai smile widely in amusement as you tossed your hair.

“You’d get tired of it eventually. And I hate seeing your lovely smile replaced by that fierce frown.” teased Nikolai with a grin as his heart thudded with amazement at how worried you were for him and his heart fluttered as he realized you were still holding onto his hand and hadn’t let go.

“I don’t have a fierce frown.” you retorted frowning fiercely making Nikolai huff in laughter and you shook your head at him in exasperation “And I don’t think I can ever get tired of you.”

Nikolai felt his heart flutter happily as he blushed nervously and shyly and you smiled at him softly “Honestly if anyone would get tired of a person, it would be me. People think of me as cool at first but then they sick of me eventually and want someone new around. You’ll be the same.”

Nikolai saw the sad smile you wore as you said this, the unhappiness in your eyes and felt something fierce and painful clench his heart at the thought of you believing that anyone would be tired of having you around “Tell me... tell me who made you believe that your presence, your very kind and beautiful presence would tire a soul lucky enough to be in your presence?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me. It matters to me because I hate seeing you hate yourself because people were absolute fools who couldn’t see how wonderful you are.” replied Nikolai fiercely and protectively as he held your hands tightly in his, looking earnestly at you. “The next time you think that I will get sick of you... remember that I’m Nikolai Lantsov and that I absolutely adore your friendly smile, your warm hugs, the way you wrinkle your nose and roll your eyes at me when I tease you, and the small things you say that I replay in my head after you are gone. Remember that I want to annoy you forever and I don’t say that about anyone else.”

To Nikolai’s pleasure, you giggled and blushed as you looked at him with something unreadable as you shook your head “I’ll try to believe it. But sometimes... it gets hard to believe everything you told me. It’s hard to believe that I’m someone people will love.”

“I understand how you feel. I - I know the feeling too.” said Nikolai quietly with a vulnerable expression, defenseless and unguarded as he looked at you after a long moment. “I understand how you feel but it’s not true.”

Nikolai saw your eyes widen in surprise and curiosity “But you’re Nikolai! Everybody loves you!”

Nikolai and you had sat on the grassy ground near the lake as he ran his hand through his hair wanting to hide his greatest fears and insecurities but as he stared into your gentle and quiet eyes, he found himself saying “I know... but it’s not the love I want. I don’t feel loved. I don’t believe I’m loved... I’ve never known real love... my father and mother had a marriage of duty and political arrangement. My mother suffered years of heartless neglect at the hands of my father who was too busy abusing young women. And well, my brother... I don’t think he ever cared about me even though I looked up to him when I was young.”

“And Alina... well, you know how that ended. It was a fake marriage with real feelings. I had feelings for her but her heart belonged to someone else and in the end, she chose someone else over me.” stated Nikolai softly with an air of unguarded vulnerability he had never shown anyone else because he was the King who could not afford to be weak. But sitting here on the grass with you, in your presence, he felt like the boy with fears and insecurities who had to carry on and didn’t have to pretend to be anyone as he cracked a grin “So you see... I’m not very lovable.”

Your eyes were heavy with quiet contemplation and thoughtfulness as Nikolai saw you stare at him and scoffed “You can laugh. Go on, laugh at me.”

You looked at him thoughtfully and quietly, with a protective glint in your eyes “Why would I laugh? I was just thinking about making a time machine so I can go back in time and make everyone who ever made you feel unloved and unlovable regret each moment of their pathetic lives.”

Nikolai let out a huff of laughter, as a smile appeared on his face without a thought feeling happy and taken aback in pleasant surprise “I didn’t know you cared so much about me.”

“You are loud, laugh a lot, tell silly jokes and have a heart full of hope in a world that won’t change easily. You’re exactly the kind of person I would scoff at and yet I find myself feeling quite protective over you and worrying about you.” you confided quietly and softly as your fingers twisted nervously, your beautiful eyes looking into his with something undecipherable “You’re nonsensical but I’ve grown to quite like you.”

Nikolai felt something surprising and warm rush through him, engulfing him in tidal waves as he suddenly felt conscious of being the object of your earnest and sincere gaze. He felt something that he had always strived and worked hard to be in everyone’s eyes... he felt special and extraordinary, seen and loved. This feeling felt all too consuming and yet he wanted more of it as he basked in its golden radiance and new sweetness that he was experiencing for the first time.

“Well... coming from you, it means a great deal.” whispered Nikolai, his foolish heart blooming with hope and adoration as whispers of the feeling that perhaps you could come to care for him in time crowded him and then smiled widely “It certainly is an improvement in our relationship from the last time where you called me an annoying, idiotic, lousy pig and pushed me into the lake.”

You laughed in amusement, your cheeks flushing a bright pink as your eyes sparkled in mirth and nervousness “Saints! I - I don’t know what I was thinking! I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was in need of a good swim.” joked Nikolai with an amused grin as he felt happy at being the person who made you laugh in joy and sparkle in happiness.

You laughed and Nikolai swore that he would walk through hell just to hear you laugh so freely, so merrily as you shook your head at him with an apologetic look in your eyes “I - I mean, I wasn’t myself that day. I was having a really bad day and I was angry and hurt and when you said all those - when you said all those really sweet things to tease me - I just felt nothing but rage and I took it out on you. I am truly sorry.”

“You’re always forgiven.” said Nikolai softly and gently as he looked at you mindlessly picking flowers growing on the ground “Why were you angry that day? What’s your story?”

“Fake marriage with real feelings but it ended in heartbreak.” you replied with a wide grin but there was sadness and pain written all over your face “It’s not very happy.”

“Well I have all the time in the world for you, so go ahead, I’m listening.”

Nikolai smiled when you cracked a smile and watched you twist your fingers nervously and hug your knees “It’s the same story. It feels like a long time ago but I honestly thought I would never fall in love because its silly and stupid. But when I first met the enigmatic, mysterious and clever devil by the name of Kaz Brekker.”

“Just imagine it. An impressionable, young girl, new to Ketterdam and suddenly the Bastard of the Barrel drops into my life and he is clever, infamous, dangerous, kinder to me than anyone in my life has been, appreciates every little thing about me. He made me feel important and seen. Imagine what that does to a lonely girl.” you said softly and quietly, your voice trembling with sadness and heartbreak, with a trembling weak smile.

“I fell in love with him before I even knew it. He asked me to pretend to be his wife and because I was so stupid, I agreed because I loved him. And I thought as time passed, that it wasn’t an act on his part because it felt like he genuinely loved me back too. That there could be a chance for a happy ending. But people like me never get happy endings because Kaz Brekker never loved me, I was just an investment, a means to an end to achieve his goals.” you told Nikolai with tears of pain and heartbreak glimmering and falling down your cheeks as you choked back on a sob “And I didn’t expect it to hurt this much... but my heart is broken, and everything hurts so much.”

Nikolai’s heart wrenched in despair and distress as you let out a sob of heartache and heartbreak “And I hate him! I hate him so much! But I hate myself because I let myself believe that he loved me too! Because I loved him through everything, through his worst but he never chose me me at all. Kaz was using me and I was a fool to think I could ever be loved!”

Nikolai couldn’t bear your grief any longer as he wrapped his arms around you comforting you as he let you cry into his chest, your sobs racking your body with grief and heartbreak as you held onto him for dear life. Nikolai stroked your hair gently and rubbed your back soothingly, whispering soft and comforting words of solace and truth that you were loved more because he couldn’t bear your cries of pain, anger, hate and heartbreak that had been bottled up for so long. It physically hurt him to see you so broken but he held you in his arms because he wanted to be the person to hold you up and stand by you through your darkest times.

Nikolai gazed at your tear stained face as he gently brushed away the tears from your cheeks “Kaz Brekker is an idiot. He’s a fool not to fall in love with you.”

“Why are you crying?” you asked Nikolai in curiosity and Nikolai realized that he had been crying too.

“I don’t know. I felt your pain, your heartbreak and if I could take it and make it all mine, I would. I hate to see you in such pain, I hate to seeing you cry even though you are really pretty when you cry.” said Nikolai confessing shyly blushing faintly as you smiled up at him in surprise and then sighed as he confessed sincerely to you who was looking at him curiously “The truth is life as the King is not easy for me. In fact, it has been hard and there are days when my pain and exhaustion threatens to sink me into the quicksand. But I guess my life is much easier and lighter when I share my burdens with you.”

You smiled through your tears as you sniffed “I’m sorry I - I’m really sorry I cried and put all of this on you. You have enough on your plate -”

“I like worrying about you.” said Nikolai immediately as his fingers brushed gently across your cheek wiping away your tears, his skin tingling at the contact with your soft skin “I want to worry about you because I like you more than anyone in this world.”

Nikolai was delighted to see the faint blush coloring your cheeks but your eyes were still full of heartbreak of sadness and pain as your voice cracked as you placed your hand on your chest “This hurts like hell... Everyone close to me in my life is in a happy relationship and now... and I thought I could have happiness and love too. But I’m beginning to think that I don’t have my happy ending”

“No! That is not true. Take it from the Lantsov Prince who has been dumped by the Sun Summoner and suffered crushed feelings... it’s not true.” replied Nikolai immediately with reassurance and honesty as he placed his hand on your shoulder gently and comfortingly and he saw you crack a small faint smile.

“It just feels like this pain is eternal and infinite... it’s never going to end.” you replied your voice trembling with aching pain and hurt as you let out a small sob and sniffed looking at Nikolai whose face was etched with gentleness and adoration.

“Well, that’s what I said about being shot for the first time in the war, exiling my parents and having my heart crushed by a Saint but the pain did and will end.” replied Nikolai quietly in a matter - of - fact tone that exuded simple honesty and reassurance as he looked at you sincerely with vulnerability and affection and felt shy as he saw you gaze at him curiously in concern and admiration.

“Now... the thing is you have such bravery and strength to be vulnerable and open your heart to compassion and love. You feel your emotions deeply and even though it hurts you, it’s a good thing because so many people numb themselves on feeling and miss out on the good things in life.” said Nikolai sincerely and truthfully as he gazed at you, honesty and kindness gleaming in his hazel eyes as you held your breath listening to him. “

Nikolai’s hand dropped to your hand and tentatively sought permission to hold it and he felt electric when you tentatively and gently intertwined your fingers with his as he squeezed your hand comfortingly “You are right now nursing a broken heart but I believe you will heal, rise through the ashes and walk to the other side stronger than ever. Don’t close your heart to love and pain. The joy is worth the pain.”

You looked at him through the tears in your eyes, feeling grateful for his warm and charming presence surprised by his wisdom he hid behind the charming façade of a boy king “It just - I don’t understand. Why doesn’t Kaz love me back? What’s so wrong with me that he won’t love me back?”

“Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you! Saints, you are perfect!” exclaimed Nikolai in honesty and sincerity feeling disbelief and hurt at the thought of you thinking that you were short of perfection when you were the most beautiful, wonderful person he had ever met.

“You’re just saying that because you are always nice to me.” you retorted sharply and sassily as you shook your head in doubt and self - loathing. “You don’t even know me.”

“You’re right... I don’t know you.” said Nikolai quietly and thoughtfully because that hurt. It hurt Nikolai deeply that you didn’t see how Nikolai saw every crook and crevice of you when no one else cared to look at the little things that made you special “I don’t pay attention to anything you do.”

“I don’t know that you love Nina like your own sister and though you argue with each other, you want her to be proud of you. I don’t know that you lend a helping hand to the servants and comfort and listen to little children who look up to you with gentleness, mischief and the sweets you steal from the kitchen. I don’t know that when someone suggests something stupid and ignorant, you roll your eyes at them and speak your mind wisely and intelligently with a rather sharp tongue.” said Nikolai knowingly and passionately with a soft and affectionate glint in his hazel eyes as he gazed at you intensely full of adoration for you as your eyes widened in surprise “I don’t know that you love dancing and music but you don’t dance unless you are asked properly. I don’t know that you pretend to scoff pretty dresses but you are secretly thrilled at wearing them. I don’t know that you like reading romance, history and crime thrillers in the library until Genya has to drag you away from the library. I don’t know that you always listen patiently to David, not out of pity but sincerely because you are curious and consider him a friend. I don’t know that you are the only one who can get Zoya to eat a decent meal and have a nap.”

“And even though, I will say that I’m fine and try to make you leave me, you are going to walk me to my chambers and make sure I’m alright. Because that’s exactly the kind of person you are.” finished Nikolai honestly and sincerely as he gazed at you softly and gently, his heart full of love and passion only for you.

Your eyes had widened in surprise and you were certain your jaw had dropped as you felt paralyzed in shock and amazement at being seen by Nikolai of all people. You had thought his teasing was an infatuation, a silly game he liked to play to impress every girl but as you felt him gaze at you sincerely and intensely, you felt vulnerable and seen for who you truly were and the little things you thought no one noticed.

You threw your arms around him as you hugged him tightly because you were so scared that for the first time someone had noticed the small, ordinary, little things about you and cared to remember them. It terrified you that Nikolai cared so much about you because you didn’t feel the same about him. It was a new uncharted path that felt terrifying and yet you didn’t want to let Nikolai go. You wanted to hold onto him, hold onto the only person who terrified you with these new feelings, saw the parts of you that no one else did and made it easy to be vulnerable in a world where everyone and everything was cruelest to the weak.

“Nikolai...” you whispered, blinking back your tears of disbelief and amazement because it felt like you had been drowning for ages and now this beautiful boy had pulled you up and you could finally breathe.

“One day, you’ll find someone who loves you heart and soul and all this pain and tears and heartbreak will be just a memory.” whispered Nikolai as he held you tenderly as if you were the most precious, beautiful, fragile person he had the privilege of holding and you felt his silent reassuring promise that he would always be there for you.

“Promise?”

“I solemnly swear on my life and kingdom. In fact, I’ll bet my mother’s diamond necklace on it!” said Nikolai honestly with a bright and sincere smile as he lightly touched your cheek, breathless by your beauty “You’re smart, funny, kind, sharp and the best person I know. You can declare me right, wise, smart, kind, and handsome of all men in Ravka in your speech as bride when the day comes.”

You laughed in amusement as you leaned your head on Nikolai’s shoulder unaware that he was having a fit of fluttering butterflies in his stomach as he internally screamed like a little girl and you replied with a smile “I haven’t even thought of it. My wedding. What will it be like, do you think? Will you be there?”

“Of course, love. The groom can’t miss his own ceremony, now can he? It’s my solemn duty to take your breath away and take you as my lovely wife with a beautiful diamond -” replied Nikolai, his lips curving into a good natured grin as his heart beat a little faster at the thought of you marrying him.

He groaned with a laugh as you punched him in the arm but you were laughing “Can you be serious for once?”

“I can only do five minutes but for you I’ll try my best.” said Nikolai with a wink making you shake your head at him in amused exasperation.

“You are an idiot.” you replied fondly.

“And yet, you still hold my hand.” said Nikolai in a teasing manner but he felt a burst of warmth and shyness within him, because holding your hand in his felt like heaven on earth.

Nikolai expected you to remove your hand away from his but his heart swelled with surprise and hope when you squeezed his hand tightly with a warm smile as you looked at him fondly “And yet, I still hold your hand.”

And as both of you walked to the castle, Nikolai looked at you and knew that you were his one true great love and there was no going back from this moment. Your eyes sparkled with liveliness and you talked animatedly laughing good naturedly and Nikolai wondered if you knew that he was falling... falling deeply, madly, completely and utterly in love with you with no way out.

He had been told hope was dangerous. But the way you looked at him as you left him at his chambers, gave him a semblance of hope that he was not alone in his feelings and this could be the beginning of an adventure that came with a breathtaking view.

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queenofspades6 · 1 year

Text

Not an investment - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: You try to forget Kaz with a man from the Crow Club. Kaz isn’t pleased at all. He finds a way to get rid of the guy, but you caught him. Kaz finally touches you for the first time.

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Jealous Kaz.

A/N: I first wrote a draft of this when the first season of Shadow & Bone launched, i finally finished it, and wanted to share! I am so obsessed with Kaz! I might meet Freddy Carter on May, can’t wait but I am so scared at the same time!

———

You and the Crows had just accomplished another successful mission, earning each of you considerable money. The Crows had decided to throw a party to celebrate. Even Kaz had agreed to come. When Jesper asked him to join them, Kaz nodded, and Jesper cheered loudly, earning Kaz a grin.

Kaz Brekker had spent the last hour sitting with his arm on the bar, sipping a drink, and keeping an eye on the improvised dance floor. When the party began, Nina was already dancing, earning curious glances from both women and men. Jesper joined her after getting a few drinks. He tried to convince Inej to go dancing with him and Nina.

”You don’t want to go with them?“ You asked Inej, frowning.

”I do, but don’t tell them. Let them try to convince me.”

You nodded and asked the bartender for a strong drink. ”Make it two,” Inej said.

You watched her before glancing at the bartender.

”Tough night?” Inej asked.

You nodded again.

Inej didn’t bother to pry much; she knew each of you had your past. She knew how it felt to live with it, to live with the memories still there, haunting at night and even during the day... She knew better than to ask you about it.

The bartender arrived with both of your drinks. You thanked him and looked at Kaz, who was sitting at the other end of the bar, staring at people dancing and drinking in the Crow Club.

A man approached you. You didn’t see him coming; you were too caught up in stealing glances at Dirtyhands. The man took the seat next to you, and with a charming smile, he said:

“I didn’t take the infamous Ghost of Ketterdam for a drinker.”

You turned toward him, with a serious and almost warning look.

After all, you were the Ghost. If someone had a job to do, you were here. Looking for someone who disappeared? Easy. Stealing? As if you were a beginner. Taking revenge? Already done. Killing? Done. The Ghost was a shadow in Ketterdam. The kind of story that makes kids stay up all night. Rumors were you had no law, no faith and no humanity left. Oh, how wrong were they. If only they knew...

“What if I am?” You replied to the man.

”Even better.”

You grinned at him and decided to play the game.

“What about I offer you a drink?” He questioned, glancing at your body.

“I already have one, but go on.”

The man asked for another round of drinks, and the bartender complied.

”I didn’t think the Ghost was a beautiful woman like you.” He started, his eyes looking at his next prey.

Before, you would have punched that man hard in the face, but tonight, you didn’t care. You just wanted to have fun, and maybe it could involve him.

“Oh yeah? “

”Yes. Do you know how much people would pay to have you in their bed?”

You laughed and crossed eyes with Kaz. He was staring at you curiously. You thought it was a coincidence, but Kaz had been watching the whole time.

“I know.”

”Quite modest, I see.”

“I can be and do many things, you know?” You flirted, your head already spinning.

A little flirt was harmless, right? It wasn’t like it would change something. You stole another glance at Kaz, still sipping his drink in deadly silence. You knew there had always been something unspoken between the two of you, which you both probably wanted, but that was just impossible. Something that couldn’t be. So why not have fun with this silly man, you thought?

”I can only imagine.“ The man replied, his right hand stroking yours on the counter and his other hand on your knee.

”Let’s dance first.“

The man took your hand and complied, bringing you to the dance floor. The man danced with you, sometimes brushing your body. You didn’t care. Alcohol gave you confidence and relief. You danced closer to the man. And even closer. You both moved simultaneously, feeling the loud music and the alcohol in your veins. You could already feel the man’s arousal. But you didn’t care. You were trying to forget. Forget him and his stupid blue eyes. His silly cane. His silly waistcoats. Him. You just wanted to forget.

What you didn’t know was that Kaz Brekker couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to your form and this man. This Dreg. Oh, Kaz hated the man at this moment. His hand tightened around his cane.

The man touched you even more intimately, placing his hand on your thigh. Kaz was watching it all; his hand clenched in a fist. He couldn’t bear it anymore. He knew you had a few drinks and hated the idea of the man taking advantage of you. Or worse... Maybe you let him...

Dirtyhands whispered something to the bartender, and then a servant rushed anxiously towards you.

The servant asked for ‘Jake’ something and then told him that someone was waiting outside for him.

He nodded.

“Sweetheart, I need to take care of something, and then I am coming back for you. We’ll finish what we started.”He said, a smirk forming on his lips.

You consented, not understanding what was happening.

The man walked toward the backdoor leading to the streets. You took a deep breath and went back towards your seat. You finished your drink quickly and began to think.

‘What was I doing? Seriously? This man? I am the Ghost, for Saint’s sake, I deserve better.’

Feeling shameful, you wanted some fresh air to think clearly. Or maybe you just needed to flee. You rushed toward the door of the Crow Club and opened it.

There was ‘Jake’, his face bloody and bruised, held by the arms of two men taller than him.

What was going on?

That’s when you saw Kaz punching Jake in the face. The man spit blood, and Dirtyhands held his head in his gloved hand.

”If you dare touch her again, you are dead.”

Kaz was going to hit Jake with his cane, but your screaming interrupted him.

”What’s going on?“

Kaz nodded, and his men let Jake go. He didn’t think twice. Without looking at you once, the man flew in as he had arrived.

The men stared at Dirtyhands, waiting for his approval to leave. Kaz gestured, and they left.

”What’s going on? I won’t ask it again.“

“This stupid... man touched you.” He declared calmly, removing the blood from his sleeve.

”Yes, and?”

“He didn’t ask.”

”Because I let him. Do you genuinely think he would have touched me if I hadn’t allowed it? You know what I do and who I am.” You murmured.

Kaz’s blue eyes were avoiding your gaze, looking at the street and holding tightly onto his cane. He frowned.

”Why?“He questioned.

“Why? You dare ask why? You know damn well, Brekker.“

”Enlighten me with what I am supposed to know ‘damn well’.

He clenched his teeth, and you approached him dangerously. You plunged your eyes into his, almost begging him not to let you speak.

”I needed a distraction.”

“A distraction?” He questioned, wonder in his eyes.

“But we succeeded in the mission. We won thousands of kruge, Y/N.”

”I know.”

”Is it not enough for you? What do you need more? What do you need more than what thousands of Kruge can offer you?”

You repressed your tears. You were the Ghost after all, you couldn’t cry even if you wanted to.

“Thousands of Kruge can’t buy me you.” You whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear.

“Me?”

“Your name is Kaz Brekker, no? Or should I say Dirtyhands?“

A small smile escaped his lips, quickly replaced by sadness. He was staring at his gloved hands. What was he supposed to do? Tell you he felt the same, and offer you what exactly? He couldn’t even touch you.

“I was trying to forget you with this man, to forget the times you looked at me like I was an investment, when I came back from a mission hurt badly and you just said ‘good job’.

“What do I have that you might want?” He asked, his voice almost trembling.

Memories of Jordie flooded his mind. The times when they were happy, or at least tried to because they were together.

You didn’t reply, just watched him, the man you love.

“I can’t offer you anything, Y/N.” Kaz declared, approaching you with the most sincere look you’ve ever seen him with.

”I can’t offer you a crown, a throne, or even a palace. I can’t provide you the most precious jewels in the world. I can’t make you my queen, Y/N.”

”How romantic.” You finally spoke, crossing your arms.

”At least I have the decency not to lie to you.” He replied.

”I think I would have preferred you to lie.” You declared, trying to repress your tears again.

”What did you want me to say? That I would make you a Queen even though we live in Ketterdam, and would cover you with the most expensive jewels when we loot every day to survive? You would have wanted me to tell you that I cannot live without you, although touching you is unbearable to me? You would have liked me to tell you that I love you, right Y/N?

Eyes misted with tears, Y/N dared to meet his gaze. When Kaz saw that Y/N’s eyes were shining, he realized the magnitude of his words. He had always thought that by being cruel, he could push people away, keep them away, to avoid doing harm and, above all, be hurt. Things had gone wrong the last time he had loved someone, so how could he really trust his heart anymore?

Jordie.

His name echoed in his head when he looked at Y/N. He wanted to apologize, hug her, and kiss her lips, but he couldn’t.

He tried to take a step towards her to try to comfort her, but when his hand approached her bare arm, he resigned himself to it. He was shaking. Touching someone seemed impossible so how could he ask Y/N to stay? What could he offer her? A life of hidden gazes, impossible caresses, abstinence... Y/N deserved better. She could have had better. Nikolai Lantsov had always wanted her. All she had to do was say yes, and she would become the first Grisha Queen. Kaz had to admit Y/N would make an exquisite Queen. She was fair, and she only hurt when necessary. Y/N deserved a better life than a life in danger in Ketterdam. And if Pekka Rollins learned that Dirtyhands cared about her, he would seek to get rid of her by any means possible.

Y/N gazed at Kaz one last time before turning to the door. She was about to grab the handle when she felt pressure on her arm. Kaz was touching her.

“Don’t leave, Y/N.” You rolled your eyes.

“Is it a command, Boss? You asked, annoyed.

“It’s not.”

You observed Kaz’s face. For someone who didn’t know him, Kaz was emotionless. But at that moment, you knew he was vulnerable. His features were different. He seemed fragile. The bastard of the barrel seemed weak! You laughed in your head.

“Stay, please.” He begged you, the silence in his head unbearable.

You made a small move to get out of his grip. His hand fell against his body. And suddenly, he grabbed your hand. You stared at your hand in his gloved ones. Seeing your reluctance, he pulled his hand away and took off his gloves. Trying to calm his trembling, he reached for your delicate hand. His fingers brushed your skin, knuckles, and wrist, sending shivers down your whole body. Kaz was trying to memorize your hand, the veins in your wrists, your knuckles, to make it familiar, so that he wouldn’t be scared anymore.

“Can I?” He asked you.

You nodded, astonished to see Kaz Brekker asking for permission. He wasn’t one to ask. He always took and took. Never saying please. Never asking for permission. And here he was. All vulnerable in front of you.

He took your hand in his with hesitation and still trembling. Dirtyhands was trying his best to hide his fear in front of you. He was the bastard of the barrel. Everybody feared him, and yet he could not take your bare hand in his. He felt pathetic. He stared at your intertwined fingers for some time.

“What more can I offer you than what you already have?”

Your attention, your time, your love, your skin (maybe not), everything, you wanted to scream but you couldn’t. He was Kaz Krekker after all.

“I can’t make you happy, Y/N. You should go with Nikolai, he’ll know what to do. I can’t even kiss you, Y/N. I can’t, it’s pure torture. I can’t.”

One tear was slowly running across your cheek.

“I don’t want wealth or power. I don’t care about Saints.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Your love.“ You spitted.

Your hands were still intertwined, and that’s when Kaz noticed that while you were talking, he forgot about your hand in his, and for once, it had not disturbed him. It was brief, but he had felt your skin against his, the feeling of coldness and an almost delicate hand. He was staring at your hands with intensity, not knowing where his began and yours finished. The contact with your skin burned him, it was like caressing fire, feeling the unbearable heat against his fingers, against his palm, and yet he didn’t want to remove his hand from your painful skin.

“Kaz, look at me.”

You knew he was fighting his own demons, and it was not easy to hold your hand, and much less for a few minutes.

“Focus on my voice.”

He complied, and you dared take his hand and bring it to your face.

“I am here for you. Since the beginning, I have been here. Since the first day we looked at each other in this street, I knew everything would be different.”

While talking, you held his index finger in your tiny fingers compared to his. It was reaching dangerously for your cheek.

“Do you remember, Brekker, the first day we met?”

Kaz was trying his best to focus on your eyes, lips, on everything other than his fear to feel. It was finally this fear of hurting that made every touch burn. And you knew, you understood.

“I was pulling a dagger from my bleeding shoulder, sitting alone on the street, when you came. And do you remember what you said to me?”

You finally put his index finger delicately on your cheek. Step by step. You knew it would take time. Months and years, probably. But you were never a quitter after all.

Kaz chuckled, remembering this particular day when he thought that the Ghost everybody was scared of was just a little girl. Today, he knew he was wrong.

“You first said to me “Work for me, Ghost, and you’ll never have to pull out any dagger of your shoulders.”

Dirtyhands grinned, and with his index finger on your cheek, he explored your skin, still burning him. You removed your hand and laughed.

“You know, the day I met you, I knew you wanted me to work for you because I was taking all your contracts.”

He laughed again, and a second finger was caressing your cheek.

“I couldn’t let you take all the money.” Kaz replied, with this smirk you loved.”And you said ‘yes’ if I recall.”

“That I did. Though I did pull out many other daggers from my shoulder.” You spoke softly.

Another laugh, and he put a third finger on your face, stroking and trying to control his trembling. Still, he never dared remove his gaze from you.

“I know. I was planning a meeting with you for weeks, trying to find something to make you work for me. But you had no weakness, no secret that I knew of. I didn’t know what you were looking for.”

The tips of his three fingers were still on your skin, learning every wrinkle you would have, every scar, everything, even if it burned.

“That’s what made me so good, back then I had nothing to look for and nothing to lose.”

“And now?”

“Now, I have a goal, something to fight for, that’s what makes me fearsome.” You muttered and smiled at your words because you meant them.

Kaz smirked. He knew there were two kinds of people to fear: those who had nothing left to lose, and the ones who had everything to lose.

With sudden confidence, Kaz reached with one finger for your lips, trying to touch, and caress them. His trembling finger found your lip, he felt it, his deep blue eyes on yours. You were watching him with pride.

Maybe too greedy, Kaz wanted to feel your face with his hand, he tried to place all his fingers against your skin, but the burning was too powerful. Suddenly, he removed his hand, shivering.

“I-I am sorry.”He said, his armor falling back in place.

He saw Jordie’s face again. And he felt the skin of other corpses on his. It was warm. Too warm. It was burning him up. He was screaming, and nobody came.

“Kaz. Kaz! Look at me.”

He heard your voice calling in this ocean of corpses.

You didn’t touch him, but called his name.

“Kaz. You are with me. You are not there. Not anymore. Breathe. You are safe.”

He finally saw your eyes and where he was. In the middle of the street with you. He got up, dusted off his coat, and stared at you.

“Sorry, Y/N.”

He put back on his gloves and resumed leaning on his cane.

He was not only Kaz Brekker at this moment, but also Dirtyhands, and the bastard of the barrel. You smiled and glanced at his form as it left the room.

“The answer is this.”

The Bastard of the barrel turned to you and looked at your face, eyes full of silent interrogation.

“This is what I want, Kaz Brekker, and this is what you can offer me.”

You swore you could see a smirk escaping his lips. And this was the moment you knew you were not just an investment for Kaz Brekker.

———

If you loved this story, don’t forget to like, reblog and comment! I’d love to write more Kaz x reader with the OC “The Ghost” if there is enough interest, I’ll write more for Kaz!

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happyyyandcrazyyy · 2 years

Text

three taps (kaz brekker x reader)

summary: kaz taps three times. it’s his way to say i love you, i care.

the three times it took jesper to realize that three taps were something more than a meaningless habit.

warnings: violence, blood, implied se*ual as*ault (not detailed at all and very brief)

a/n: did i write this in less than a day? yes. did the inspiration come to me at six am? also yes. what about your other 50 wip, anna? did you write anything for them? nope.

hope you enjoyed reading this one as much as i enjoyed writing it <3

i. tap, tap, tap

Jesper had seen him do it more times than he could count. It was Kaz’s thing. Three taps, index finger hitting a wooden table, thumb brushing against a map or cane harshly meeting the floor. Most times they were fast taps, like a subconscious action, coming and going before anyone could give it any mind. Other times, however, they were slower, more emphasized, as if trying to make a point. Jesper was used to the taps, as he imagined (Y/N) and Inej also were. The sound came prior to every heist, prior to pronouncing the words of luck (no mourners, no funerals).

It was Kaz’s habit, something he probably did without even realizing, and Jesper couldn’t help but find it oddly comforting, a routine that somehow eased his nerves. (The world could be going to war, Ketterdam could be crashing down in flames, and Kaz would still tap three times. There was a sense of safety in that.)

It wasn’t until Jesper had a closer look that he realized the action was perhaps not as meaningless as he believed.

ii. cane meets ground three times: come back to me, i’m here

(Y/N) had known Kaz the longest out of all of them. Jesper hadn’t known the Slat without her, he hadn’t known Kaz without her. She’d always been there, a person in which the Dregs often found solace and always obtained an ear to listen without judgment. (Y/N) was a walking contradiction, soft around the edges yet powerful enough to bring the toughest people to their knees. She was everything Kaz wasn’t, maybe that was the reason they complimented each other as well as they did.

In a place where kindness was rewarded with death (Y/N) was unusually good-natured. Stray kids in the Barrel knew to find her if they were ever in urgent need of food or shelter. To outsiders she might’ve looked frail, her kindness might’ve made her seem weak, but the people of the underworld knew better than to be fooled by her selfless actions and innocent appearance. (Y/N) had an innate talent for causing people’s demise and there wasn’t a line she wasn’t willing to cross. The gentleness in her eyes would immediately harden at the sight of any threat, like molten lava hitting cold air. People who double-crossed her didn’t live to tell the tale.

Jesper wasn’t quite sure how Kaz and (Y/N) had met. From the whispers he’d heard around the Slat he figured it hadn’t been a pleasant experience. (Y/N) didn’t really discuss her life before joining the Dregs, not even when some of them would gather around to drink and curse the ghosts of the past.

Only once had Jesper gathered enough courage to break past the personal boundaries she’d clearly set and ask.

(And he’d only done it because he’d been almost drunk and really really curious.)

Kaz had been there, quietly observing as he often did, when the words had fallen out of Jesper’s mouth. He’d frozen in place, even when the question hadn’t been directed towards him, jaw tightening. Jesper had noticed Kaz’s instinctive response— because he might’ve been careless and drunk but he was also keenly observant —and that had him sobering up enough to know he was treading in dangerous territory.

No one had ever asked her directly, he’d realized at that moment as he held his breath and awaited a response. Many gossiped and guessed but no one had ever walked up to her and asked her about her past.

The softness hadn’t left (Y/N)’s face, but it was evident that the question had taken her by surprise because she’d frozen mid-action for a split second and something in her features broke. For the first time since he’d known her, Jesper saw the exhaustion and affliction in her eyes. The glint had disappeared as soon as it’d come, (Y/N) had regained her composure lightning fast, and Jesper had wondered if it’d ever been there at all.

She’d looked behind his shoulder at Kaz and they’d shared a look, one that Jesper couldn’t quite decipher. Something must’ve been telepathically said because the grip that Kaz had on his cane had lessened. His eyes, however, didn’t lose the murderous glint in them. Whatever he was remembering had fury roaring through his mind.

(It was only then that Jesper had understood that Kaz hadn’t been angered by his question but rather by the memories that had resurfaced. It must’ve been really serious because the only other time Jesper had ever seen that look in Kaz’s eyes Inej had been hurt and a guy had lost his eye.)

“I was a slave, Jes.”

Jesper did not know what he’d been expecting but that certainly hadn’t been it. As (Y/N) had pronounced the words a shadow crossed her face. It was the way she’d looked away from him, in discomfort and embarrassment, that had realization striking him like lighting. The weight of her words had settled in and Jesper understood, somewhat suddenly, what type of slave she’d been; the type to be used and discarded for the pleasure of rich men, sold and bought as if worth nothing more than an object. The burns and scars on her chest had suddenly made sense.

“It was a long time ago,” she’d added, eyes slightly glazed over, like she was physically there but mentally elsewhere. “And those men,” her eyes had flickered to Kaz before settling back on him, “they’re dead.”

More than dead if Kaz had something to do with it, Jesper had imagined.

Jesper had no way of knowing of the images flashing through her mind (pain, blood, and filthy hands. moans, tears, and screams) but he had recognized the unfocused gaze and the shaking fists by her side as her body’s response to reliving the trauma.

Jesper had never wished he could take back his words more than at that precise moment.

He’d opened his mouth to say something, anything to make the haunted look on her face dissipate, to lessen the burned he just had realized she carried, but Kaz had beaten him to it.

Tap, tap, tap.

Gently, he’d poked the floor with the ferrule of the cane. The metal had hit the ground heavily, the thud resonating. Kaz’s eyes, Jesper had noticed, remained trained solely on (Y/N), eyebrows furrowed in something that might’ve been concern.

The sound had somehow snapped through the haze of memories and had managed to bring her back to them. (Y/N) had blinked the stupor away, once again in a surprisingly fast manner, before offering Jesper a smile that had every word dying at the back of his throat.

It was small and unbelievably sad, but genuine. It was enough for him to know that she didn’t resent him for asking.

“It was a long time ago,” she’d repeated, almost to herself. Then, she’d tapped the table three times, softly. Jesper wouldn’t have noticed the action if he hadn’t been hyperaware of his surroundings.

At the moment it’d seemed like a coincidence, like (Y/N) had mimicked Kaz’s habit to anchor herself back, but as Jesper laid awake later that night he’d realized it hadn’t been just that.

She’d turned to briefly look at Kaz after doing it. If Jesper had been soberer maybe he would’ve realized that Kaz had said something and (Y/N) had responded.

iii. foot meets floor three times: i’m worried, be safe

Getting shot at was always a nuisance, so it was a true inconvenience that (Y/N) appeared to be a bullet magnet.

Really, the girl had more bullet wounds than Jesper could count. (There were two on her left shoulder, close enough to overlap, and one on her right one. There was one on her upper thigh— which Jesper had never seen but Inej said was almost unnoticeable —and the graze on her left side). Despite her bad luck Jesper reckoned (Y/N) had some sort of Saint looking over her because, somehow, the bullets always missed any important organ.

(“I’m saving you for getting hit,” she’d once joked as Inej changed the bandage on her shoulder. “So, really, you all should be thanking me rather than worrying.”

Jesper would never admit it, but sometimes he thought about her words in a serious manner. Sometimes, as he gambled and his mind slipped away, he believed that (Y/N) somehow deflected the bullets off them and ended up unwillingly pulling them towards her.

It was insane and improbable, Jesper knew that, but he still believed it.)

None of her injuries, however, had ever been as bad as the one she’d suffered two months ago. It’d been a close-range shot and the bullet hadn’t pierced cleanly through the skin but rather had settled inside. It’d missed any major artery, by some sort of miracle, but the wound had gotten infected which had resulted in (Y/N) running a high fever for almost a week.

Kaz hadn’t said a word but Jesper knew he’d been restless, especially during the worst days of the infection when (Y/N) dying was more likely than not. Jesper had seen him pacing back and forth outside of (Y/N)’s room, cane tapping thrice against the wooden floor, never going in but peaking through the door whenever Nina or Inej left. It was odd to see their unshakable leader looking somewhat distraught. Maybe that was why he seemed so on edge now. It was (Y/N)’s first heist after the injury.

Jesper would lie if he said that he wasn’t worried. With her luck, she might end up getting shot tonight, again. He kept on looking at her from the corner of his eye, half expecting her to start bleeding out like she’d done all those months back.

(The image of blood slipping past her lips and her wide eyes was burned in the back of Jesper’s mind. He could still feel the blood soaking his shirt as he’d held her together with his bare hands.)

But (Y/N) remained excitedly rocking on her heels, twirling the gun in her hand the way Jesper had taught her. She caught his eye and winked.

She’ll be alright, Jesper reassured himself.

“Let’s go over it one more time.”

Kaz’s voice broke through the silence of the night, low enough to not startle the birds that slept in the trees above but loud enough for all of them to give him their attention.

Jesper stifled a groan. They’d been over this at least three times before. (Y/N) noticed his dramatized grimace and chuckled, nudging him with her elbow.

“Inej…”

The Wraith slipped out of the shadows, “I’ll enter through the back to the control room and disable the alarm. As soon as it’s done I’ll signal you.”

She nodded towards Jesper.

“Distraction as soon as I receive the sign,” Jesper continued.

Kaz assented. “The alarm deactivation will give us a ten-minute window for the theft,” he said it as if he hadn’t been reminding them of the small span of time they had ever since he’d devised the plan. “So the distraction has to last at least seven minutes.”

Jesper knew that, it gave enough time for (Y/N) to slip in and out without raising much suspicion.

He whistled and offered a self-satisfying smirk, “I’ve got it.”

Kaz stared at him for a second, as if trying to pick his mind apart with the power of his eyes, before turning to the girl by Jesper’s side.

“(Y/N)…”

She met his eyes with a grin. “I’m off the moment Jes begins to work his magic. Go in through the second window, safe is on the second floor, third room to the left.”

“And you’re looking for?”

“Pink star diamond, 60 carats,” she responded with ease. “And if something else catches my eye-”

“No,” Kaz cut her off, tone firm and resolute. Both Jesper and Inej snapped their gaze towards their leader, it wasn’t often that he limited just how much they could steal. “In and out.”

From the corner of his eye Jesper saw the smile fall off (Y/N)’s face, arms coming to cross defensively over her chest.

“But what if-”

“In and out,” Kaz repeated, always inflexible once he made up his mind. He jutted his jaw as if daring her to argue. Jesper half expected her to do so, after all (Y/N) was never afraid of disagreeing and questioning him— she was one of the few who could do it without much repercussion —but she didn’t.

If Jesper hadn’t been looking closely he would’ve missed it, the way (Y/N) eyes trailed down to Kaz’s feet, only for a second.

Tap, tap, tap.

The point of his boot tapping against the muddy floor, his eyes not once leaving (Y/N)’s.

Her face softened instantly, shoulders deflating. She tapped her index finger against her bicep thrice in return before uncrossing her arms.

She relented with a sigh, “In and out, okay.”

As they wished each other good luck (no mourners, no funerals) Kaz did it again and this time Jesper was waiting for it, the tap of the leader’s cane against the leaves.

Tap, tap, tap.

Comfort swept over him.

Everything went as smoothly as it can go when one is robbing a millionaire.

iv. finger meets wood three times: i’m sorry, i love you

Dirtyhands didn’t need a reason, Jesper had heard that saying being whispered more times than he could recall and he could vouch for it. It was, perhaps, what made Kaz so formidable. There was no knowing when he would strike because there was no why, and without a why one couldn’t forestall his actions.

Dirtyhands didn’t need a reason, but they’d given him one the moment they’d taken (Y/N). Their death sentence had been signed the moment they’d laid a hand on her.

As Jesper watched (Y/N) in silent concern he finally understood why people feared when they whispered that saying.

(Dirtyhands didn’t need a reason.)

“Find her,” Kaz had instructed Inej and Nina as soon as they’d arrived at their destination. The girls had disappeared into the night, focused on the rescue mission.

The hand with which Kaz gripped his cane had been shaking with anger all night.

The truth was he’d been seething ever since some rouge Dime Lions had taken what was his. (They’d been rouges, Kaz was certain. Pekka Rollins had sworn to him, after a few broken fingers, that he’d never ordered them to take his girl.) Everyone in the Slat had been on edge for the last three days, expecting their leader to snap at them at any moment, but Kaz had managed to keep a tight rein on his emotions.

The control had slipped from Kaz’s fingers the moment he caught a glimpse of a man on the deck of the rusty old boat, laughter-filled voice talking about how he’d made a mess of the Bastard’s bitch. The tremors in Kaz’s hands had come to a sudden stop. Before Jesper had the opportunity to even blink Kaz had fired his gun, hitting the blond straight in the forehead.

(For someone who favored his cane over every other existing weapon, Kaz had a deadly aim. Jesper would never say it out loud, but he reckoned Kaz’s ability might come close to rivaling his own.)

“I’ll deal with them.”

Jesper had known what that meant; come with me, cover my back, but let me make them suffer.

Kaz Brekker was only one man but the murderous wrath in his eyes had let Jesper know that Kaz had no intention of leaving any of them alive. He was going to make them pay, he was going to destroy them.

Brick by brick.

It’d been carnage after that. Jesper had watched, in some sort of horrified awe, how Kaz had taken down every single one of the men. He’d shot some of them too, but it’d been mainly just Kaz. There’d been screams and the smell of blood had tainted the air.

Then there’d been nothing but silence and a pained whimper.

(It was in moments like these that Jesper was struck with the realization that he knew nothing about Kaz Brekker. Because, if anyone had ever asked him about Kaz’s anger prior to what he’d witnessed that night, Jesper would’ve answered that Kaz’s anger was hot and sharp and acid, a searing rage that couldn’t be controlled once unleashed. Kaz’s anger knew no boundaries and crossed all limits, he would’ve said, it burned fiercely as it destroyed everything in its path. But that night Jesper had seen another side to Kaz’s rage. His eyes had looked downright homicidal, dangerously violent. They’d contrasted the lack of emotions in his features. His anger wasn’t fueled by emotion—not anymore, it’d gone past that —but rather by the innate need to protect what was his. It wasn’t loud or visible, but rather quiet and lethal. Cold anger that Jesper had found even more terrifying.)

“I know you planned all of this,” Kaz had walked closer to the man who laid on the ground, hands gripping a bullet wound in his kneecap and whimpers falling from his lips. “You thought taking my girl would make me falter, didn’t you?” The man had tried to scramble but Kaz had only tsked before swinging his cane against the man’s injured leg. He’d let out a pained moan, tears dripping down his cheeks. “You just made me angry.”

“Please, I’m begging you…”

“Oh, you should beg.” The heel of the cane had come down on the knees again, the snapping sound indicating a broken bone and the wail letting Jesper know just how bad the pain must’ve been. “I would shoot you in the face, but that would be too merciful of me.” He’d used the head of the cane, the prideful crow, to lift the man’s chin. “If (Y/N) was here she’d tell me to be gentle,” a shadow had crossed Kaz’s face, terrifying enough to make a chill run down Jesper’s back, “too bad for you she isn’t here.”

The head of the cane had been swung back and it came in contact with the man’s jaw. Blood had trickled down the man’s chin, a scream leaving his mouth.

“You took something of mine, you hurt something of mine, and for that, I’ll make sure you suffer.”

Kaz had used his cane after that and no more words were spoken.

Now, as Jesper watched (Y/N) flinch away from Nina, he wondered what would’ve happened if Kaz had seen her state before killing all those men. Maybe it’d been a blessing for them that he hadn’t.

Jesper had never seen (Y/N) so worn down. She sat by the stairs, knees to her chest, holding herself close. It was a strategic position, a place where she could watch all of them and no one could sneak from behind (part of Jesper’s heart had shattered when he’d come to that realization.) She’d only spent three days with the Lions but that’d been enough to cause cracks in the impenetrable wall she’d spent the last years building, past trauma slipping through. So far she hadn’t let anyone close to her, not even Inej who was her closest friend and who’d spoken in gentle whispers about treating her injuries. Her face was a mess, the beauty not gone but tainted with purples and blues. One of her eyes still bled. Under her nails and across her fingers there was dry blood but her arms held no injuries. Jesper just knew she’d given one hell of a fight. He wondered if this was what she’d looked like when Kaz had found her all those years ago, he wondered if maybe it’d been worse. He didn’t ponder long because the pain it caused in his chest was unbearable.

Her eyes snapped towards the door before it was slammed open. Jesper turned around just in time to see Kaz walk in.

(He’d changed and showered after arriving at the Slat. Jesper somehow knew he’d done that before seeing (Y/N) to prevent the blood— that’d covered his clothes and face —from triggering any unwanted memory.

It was (Y/N)’s first time seeing him after she’d been taken. Jesper knew that Kaz was their last hope of bringing her back to them.)

Jesper saw the moment Kaz’s unwavering gaze met (Y/N)’s face and he could tell, without a doubt, that anger was consuming him once again. His jaw clenched at the sight of bruises, and his hand clenched itself by his side.

He looked ready to burn the city to ashes in retribution.

Somehow, Kaz managed to control the rage. The frigid anger in Kaz’s eyes, the one that had frightened Jesper to the core, melted as he crouched in front of her.

“Are you with me?”

She blinked once, twice, thrice. Then, she nodded, and Jesper couldn’t help the sigh of relief that left his lips. She was here, broken and damaged, but here with them. That was enough.

Kaz’s gloved hand reached forward, stopping inches away from her face, ghosting over her bruised cheek. Careful not to touch any skin, he moved some of the hair out of (Y/N)’s face before fisting his hand and returning it to his side.

Jesper looked away, something about the act felt more intimate than it looked. Nosy as he was, he listened in.

“They touched me,” the voice was weak and shaky and so unlike the (Y/N) that Jesper knew.

A sharp intake of breath. “I made them pay for that.”

“Did they suffer?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” It was barely a whisper but the words were surprisingly firm.

Jesper couldn’t see but he heard the taps. Three times. Kaz’s finger against the wooden railing of the stairs.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Jesper frowned, unbelievably confused by the words the girl had just uttered.

Tap, tap, tap.

Gentle and genuine, “I love you, too.”

Everything clicked at that precise moment, the confusion faded away. Jesper was left dizzy with the realization that Kaz’s taps meant absolutely everything. They were his way of telling them he cared. No one knew, no one understood the action, and maybe that was why Kaz kept on doing it.

But now Jesper did, now he understood.

From that day on he found himself twirling his guns thrice before going out and causing mayhem.

6K notes · View notes

aysegust · 9 days

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I HAVE NO HEART. (NI WEH SESH) -K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x heartrender!reader)

A/N: Hello beautiful people! This fiction is based off clearly the season two, episode six from the Shadow & Bone series. There are some exact quotes from the episode because for the plot of the storyline. As a reminder, I don’t own Y/N and other characters and all rights go to beautiful Leigh Bardugo… I just love the write fanfics! Anyways, this is the only way I would write touching scenes with Kaz. And I loved watching that episode, it was amazing. The way the actors played very well… And I thought why wouldn’t Y/N be in it? Hope you enjoy it! Have a nice reading!

Word Count: 4.540

Warnings: Violence, poison, and no hates to Zoya, I love her but in the story, it is a bit different.

“There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry. As all of you looked at the ceiling, you saw a red powder spreading across the room. “This is how we die?” Jesper exclaimed anxiously.

Suddenly a strong cough filled your throat. Your lungs were filling with the poisonous powder, when you turned your head to your side, you saw Jesper as he blacked out and collapsed into the floor. As you backed away, still coughing like the others, you leaned on the ground and put your hands on your heart.

As Tolya and you shared a glance, both of you were stabilizing your heartbeats. You glanced to Inej as she passed out and a loud thump came out from Kaz, as you looked at him he fell on the floor harshly. You feared that this moment might be all of your death.

The Slat was quiet unusually. You scoot over from Nina’s side and sit down on the high chair. You were eating some breakfast, as you felt growling inside your empty stomach.

While you were eating, two person came inside to the Slat. As you looked at them, the man had a strong physique and wore off-shoulder leather coat. He looked mighty. As you turned to the girl he was with, she looked oddly familiar. Had dark brown eyes match with her dark brown hairs. Her expressions were cold and still. While the guy looked rather cheerful. He was a Shu also. Then as you examined the girl further you realized it was Zoya. Zoya Nazyalensky.

As they beelined to the Kaz’s office, you exchanged a look with Nina. “Why is Zoya doing in here?” She asked confused. “I have no idea.” You looked confused too, but you waited patiently for Kaz to come to the table you and Nina sat.

After several minutes, Kaz walked downstairs following with Zoya and that Shu guy. As they walked to the table you two were sitting, Kaz informed briefly why they were here. The Shu man, introduced himself as you learned his name was Tolya, he explained further about why they wanted your assistance on this plan.

As you listened patiently, Nina spat in disbelief. “The Neshyenyer? Sankta Neyar's blade?” Zoya looked at her reproachful. “So, you haven't forgotten what you were taught at the Little Palace.” She said teasingly. “Just your loyalty to Ravka.“ She turned to her glances to you too while she was talking with Nina.

You haven’t bothered to answer her as Nina jumped in. “Ravka? Or Kirigan? It didn't take him destroying a city for me to question my loyalty.“ She said a little louder.

As Jesper intervened to ask the payment, Tolya answered and Zoya explained further for Nina’s questions.

After Kaz finished the conversation with an agreement, you looked at Kaz briefly then turned your attention back to Zoya while she eyed you with a straight expression.

That was it, a new business, going to help the sun summoner to destroying the fold, in return got a paycheck of thousands of kruges. You went to your own room and packed a small bag for your tools. As Kaz secured your passports, you went to meet them outside the Slat.

It was going to be an extremely dangerous quest. A difficult one, you were feeling it.

Before all of this happened, you were a heartrender, learning to control your abilities and studying small science in Little Palace. As soon as you were studying and under commands of General Kirigan, you realized that this place is degenerated.

You were friends with Nina, back then. As you two were both heartrenders, she was like a big sister for you. She supported you through everything you dealt about the Little Palace.

One day, you decided to tell her your plans. You were going to escape the Palace, you relied on Nina so much that you were so sure about that she wasn’t going to turn you in, as you went to her, you realized she was also making her escape plan too.

You two escaped the palace but unfortunately you grew apart as you found yourself in Ketterdam your dock sailed in. As that time, you and Kaz’s paths crossed. He found who you were and what was your abilities, then he offered you a salaried position. Because you were useful. Also, you needed money so you agreed his offer and worked for him.

After everything happened and your way’s crossed again with Nina, you were more than happy to see a friend.

As all of you finally docked in Shu Han, you looked at the crowd. The place looked beautiful. The crowd wore nice and unique clothes, the bazaar looked lively and relaxed, you turned to your head to Tolya as he lowered onto his knees, there was a thin candle in his hand as he looked at the statue decored with flowers and fruits. He was speaking in Shu language as you watched him.

You were standing next to Kaz and Wylan. Watching the scene as Inej lowered to her knees next to him, praying to herself. While Zoya and Nina did the same. As they began to speak to each other, you gazed through the colored fibers. It was too noise-full and the crowd looked messy.

Then Tolya got up and walked to where you all stood. There were flutes playing through. “Just so you know, it's bad luck not to honor the dead during Suntsa Sar.” He said it as he was eating walnuts and turned his gaze to the statue. Kaz side eyed the man as he was standing and looked pissed. Jesper scoffed and looked at Tolya.

“If I believed in luck, I'd be in less debt.“ Jesper said and you turned your gaze to Tolya. Kaz turned his face to his side and looked at Tolya coldy. He then said, “And I’m more concerned with the living.” You smirked to yourself hearing Kaz’s words. Always has a remark, you thought to yourself.

After Kaz said the tea shop should be open by now, he reviewed the plan one more time. Inside of your mind, deeply, you wanted to take Nina’s role. Pretending to be Kaz’s wife, for a brief selfish moment you wanted to feel it.

He wasn’t sentimental, how could he? If you are living in the Barrel you can’t have those ‘weak sentiments’ Kaz said always. It was a cruel joke to you, because you loved that man.

Over the time as your acquaintanceship bloomed into a friendship, you caught feelings for the very man who deprived himself from it. Despite he was denying the little feelings he has, you heard his heart.

After you two become friends, it wasn’t confirmed by him but it was there, you understood it, you subconsciously let yourself hear his heartbeat. It was impossible to not hear it. Whenever you met his dark eyes, you felt the heartbeats of his paced faster.

Or whenever he was in his office, writing things on papers or reading some books and planning heists, listening his heartbeat calmed your heart too.

But there were ups and downs. Whenever someone mentioned Pekka Rollins’s name or the nightmares he was having, you were the only one who knew about it, you heard his heartbeat got extremely fast which was worried you so much.

You wanted to help him, at those moments when you were near to him, those anxious feelings eased after seconds. He knew it was your doing. He never confronted you about it but sometimes it really did help him. You two never talked about any of this but Kaz was in fact, grateful.

They say the eyes are the mirror of the heart, maybe Kaz hid his true views by training himself but his heart was never hiding himself to you.

But most of the time, he hated it. How you can able to hear his heartbeat, his pulse, it was giving him away to you, he wanted to keep the disguise. Because disguise is always a self portrait.

Nina was pretending to be his wife, Inej was on the roofs for following Ohval and you were left to stuck with Zoya.

After what happened in that tea shop, all of you sat into a place and talked about what happened. Kaz explained about how Ohval was the Disciple and Nina said how she was able to control her own heartbeat. Kaz explained further.

Then Kaz began to explain the plan. He glanced at Nina briefly. “While she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house.“ Then she looked at you for a moment. “The rest of us will grab the blade. “ He said.

Zoya intervened in quickly and looked at Kaz with an annoyed expression. “You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house.“ Jesper looked at her unbelievably then he joined the conversation. Uh, why do you think we're here?“ He said it confusedly.

Zoya looked at Jesper, “I'm a soldier, not a thief. Why else would I need you criminals?” She said it with an arrogance in her face visible.

You looked at her as you rolled your eyes. “Well, sorry to disappoint you Zoya but there is not much of a difference between them than you think.” You looked at her with coldness as Nina chuckled to ease the tension. “Says the girl who ran away from her country.” Zoya said as you were about to reply back to her, Zoya turned to Kaz. “I’ll go with Nina.”

Nina coughed while she was eating some walnuts. “Are you sure you don’t need me?” She said to Kaz. “I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.” You watched Nina as you grinned. Kaz was done with the silly arguments you two had with Zoya. “Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary. Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.” With that Kaz put an end into that conversation, again.

Now it was the time for the plan. You and the others walked to the outside of Ohval’s house. The building looked very much traditional, as you were thinking like that, Tolya voiced your thought. You looked briefly at Kaz. You were wondering what he was thinking.

As Jesper approached to Wylan’s side, you heard a faint heartbeat. Tolya must’ve heard it too, he and you shared a glance. He said there was a faint heartbeat and you agreed.

When the doors opened you, Kaz, Inej, Tolya and Jesper entered inside whilst Wylan was standing outside for all of you. As you heard a click sound, you turned to your back and look at the door.

Inej and Tolya both tried to open the door with their hands after it was no use, they kicked the door and it was useless. You heard a groan from them. Then as Inej tried to stabbed the wallpaper but it was no use, it was impenetrable and then you looked at Kaz. “Kaz what do we do?” You whispered to him.

Kaz, as he clanged his cane into the door he looked at you then Jesper. “The frames are made of metal.” As he said it Jesper looked relieved for a moment. “They are Durast made.”

As you heard another click sound, “There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry.

You tried, you tried too hard to stay awake. You were yelling Wylan’s name but it was no use, it felt like your voice sounded mere whisper. You looked at Tolya which he tried to also yell for Wylan.

Then as you turned your glance towards Kaz and saw him laying there unconsciously, your vision got blurred and the next thing you felt the dizziness and the pain in your head.

You found yourself back in the Crow Club. You looked around… it was empty. There were no heartbeats you could feel. A slight worry took you over as you hurriedly walked to Kaz’s office.

You opened it without knocking. When you entered the inside of his office, there was only a dim light, lightening his desk.

“Hello, Y/N.” You heard Kaz’s crooked voice. How could that be possible? You haven’t heard his heartbeat and you still couldn’t. “Kaz?” You looked at him as your eyebrows furrowed. He was wearing a white shirt, very unusual for him.. He would only wear black outfits. He looked too angelic to be true, as you drank his appearance.

His faint skin looked brighter as he wore white shirt, his hair disheveled and his gloves… As he approached to your side, he was slowly getting rid of his gloves. “What are you doing?” You whispered worriedly. You knew he had an aversion to touch and you felt anxious as he was taking his gloves off.

“Can I?” He was asking for your consent to touch you, as his hand raised to side of your cheek, you didn’t understand what was happening but before your mind could protest, the feelings inside of you thought different. “Yes.” You found yourself saying.

Kaz’s hand slowly caressed your cheek and you closed your eyes for a brief moment. It was so strange yet so familiar to you, feeling his touch, it was a feeling that you wanted to bottle and drink away.

Then you opened your eyes and looked at him. His gaze never left yours as you looked at him. “I… want you, Y/N.” As your bodies pressed together, you looked at him with tears forming in your eyes.

“Kaz…” You whispered softly. “I, I-“ You felt shattered as his nose touched with yours. You closed your eyes and felt your lips be touched by his. It blossomed flowers inside your chest as you felt the foreign feeling. It was new but something happened through the haze of love, you coughed.

You looked at him as your eyebrows crossed in a confused glance. “You are not Kaz.” You said as you looked at your environment. This place wasn’t his office anymore, suddenly you found yourself in Little Palace, in Kirigan’s room. “How’s my little heartrender doing?” Kirigan said it smoothly as he looked at you devilishly. “What is happening?” You sounded afraid.

He then approached to your side. “Did you miss me, Y/N?” He smirked. Then he grabbed your hand. “Let go of me!” You resisted but it was no use, he was strong and you became that girl. That little girl who was yanked away from their family and trapped in Kirigan’s arms. “You cannot escape from me, Y/N, you know it.”

You tried to yank your hand away from him. To use your heartrender abilities to get him down but it was no use. “Maybe, you want this huh?” He looked at you as feelings of betrayal crossed his eyes. Then he let go of you and pulled his hand in the air as Kaz appeared in the door. “I’m going to destroy him!” Kirigan said.

“No!” You yelled as the time you put your hands up and waved it in the air, Kirigan’s shadow cut already killed Kaz, you were late.

“Y/N!”

You heard a voice.

“Y/N! Come on, wake up!”

Inej was the first one to wake up from the nightmare of the poison, she could able to reach Wylan and as Wylan could explode a small hole in the wall, he gave Inej butterflies.

Inej, as she ate the butterfly as Wylan said it, she felt disgusted. Nearly she was going to throw up however after a few seconds, she felt better. “Wylan..” She whimpered. “We need four more.” She said it in pain.

Inej put the butterfly in Tolya’s mouth as she forcefully made him chew the butterfly. As Tolya woke up with a disgusting taste in his mouth, Inej went to Wylan’s side and took one more butterfly from him.

Then she gave it to Tolya. “Tolya, Jesper. Put it in his mouth.” As Inej said it, she went away and took one more butterfly from Wylan’s hand.

She hurriedly scoot over the Y/N’s side and opened her mouth with her hand. “Come on, Y/N, eat.” As she forcefully tried to made her eat the butterfly, “Y/N, Come on, wake up!” Inej yelled and tears formed in her eyes, after several seconds, you woke up and met Inej’s face. “Inej?” You looked at her confused and you turned your gaze to the room.

You weren’t there inside the Little Palace, it was the poison. Then Inej got up from your side and took the last butterfly and approached to the Kaz’s side, as your eyes followed Inej, she forcefully tried to put the butterfly into Kaz’s mouth, but it was no use.

Something was keeping him from there and he was too tense to eat the butterfly. You looked at Kaz as tears brimmed in your eyes, you closed your eyes for a second as you remembered the cut, you opened and rushed to Inej. “Let me try,” You said desperately.

When Inej gave you the butterfly, you looked at Kaz’s closed eyes. “Don’t leave me, please.” You whispered to yourself. You opened Kaz’s mouth and tried to make him eat the butterfly, it was hard and he was struggling to eat it. “Kaz, Come on!” Your voice was dangerously loud as a tears dropped from your eyes. “I’m not gonna lose you, not today!”

You yelled to him as you tried to make him eat the butterfly.

“Who are you without your vengeance?” Jordie screamed at Kaz as his face looked too pale and there were inflammation marks all over Jordie’s face. “What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?” Jordie said it with sadness, after completing his sentence the anger inside of him came back and his eyes light up with fire.

He drowned Kaz into the water again and Kaz’s felt the utter pain inside his body all over again. The feeling of his lungs feeling with water, utterly panicked him.

Then he heard a voice. It was not Jordie’s. Muffled but not his. It was a girl voice. “Kaz, come on!” She yelled, then as the hands pulled him back, he looked at the very face of Y/N.

The way her eyes looked too worried for him, the way her touch calmed his heart and as the way she pulled him, he looked so relieved to see her.

“Kaz, I’m so sorry,” She said as Kaz’s eyes opened. For a moment, Kaz didn’t feel Y/N’s touch on his face as his eyes met with hers, a sincere relief could be seen by anyone.

But Kaz remembered. The feeling of wet dead bodies flashed into his mind and suddenly he struggled under Y/N’s touch, Y/N hurriedly backed away from him and closed her eyes.

“Is anyone alive?” You heard Wylan’s worried voice. After Tolya and Inej briefly talked, you got up and avoided to look at Kaz. His back was turned from all of you. You got up slowly and looked at Inej. “Did anyone else get lulled into a comforting sense of joy?” Jesper said as his voice cracked, his eyes got teary.

“I didn’t see anything.” Kaz said it coldly as you looked at him. He breathed heavily then Inej briefly glanced at him. “Neither did I.” You didn’t comment on what you saw, you just dodged the question.

“Alright, what’s the plan?” Tolya said.

After Kaz came up with a plan, Ohval walked in and all of you laid down and pretend to be unconscious. She opened the door and looked at all of you. Inej, was on the ceiling and she landed silently. While she was about to pull her knife, Ohval kicked her to the backyard.

Inej got up and pulled her knives. She threw them into Ohval but as Ohval put her hand up, she pushed the knives to the ground. Inej looked at Ohval with a terrified look.

Then all of you got up from the ground. Tolya, Jesper and you hurriedly ran to the backyard as Kaz went inside of the house. Inej threw several knives into Ohval but she was too quick to dodge Inej’s knives.

As Tolya, you and Jesper went to Inej’s side, Jesper and Tolya raised his gun to Ohval, you put your hands up waiting.

Ohval threw Tolya’s gun only a movement of her hand, then she looked at Jesper and warped Jesper’s guns.

When you saw what happened, you curled your hands and showed it to Ohval. Trying to slower her heartbeat into a dangerous rhythm. Tolya also raised his hands to join you but Ohval raised her hands and pulled all the knives in Inej’s waistcoat. She turned the weapons into your way.

It was too quick.

Tolya grunts, all of you dodged the knives. “Seriously offside.” Jesper said as he was very pissed about Ohval’s movements. She threw her hair accessory to Jesper’s neck as she tried to chock him with it. Tolya approached to Ohval’s side and he pulled a punch towards her but she defended herself too quickly. She punched Tolya’s arm while Inej also did a counter on Ohval. Ohval pulled away from Inej’s fist and turned to both of them.

As both Tolya and Inej tried to takedown Ohval, Jesper was still trying to not choke. You raised your hands quickly and curled it to target Ohval. As you were trying to air out of her lungs, she quickly punched both of them to the ground and raised her hands to you.

The next minute you knew, you were choking from loss of air, inside of your lungs. Your vision got blurry, Tolya and Inej looked at you briefly then they attacked Ohval again. As you felt ease, you breathe again. It was deep and, you were hurting.

But she was too strong. She kicked Tolya down and Inej threw her kick into hers but Ohval took her leg and threw her to the wall. You got up and tried to punch Ohval but she quickly dodged the punch and kicked you to the ground.

Inej took her knife as Ohval took one of hers. She tried to stab Inej but, Inej was able to dodge them. As she fought back to Ohval, it was no use. Ohval took her down and tried to stab the knife into Inej’s chest. She was resisting but she couldn’t hold it forever.

Tolya got up slowly as he begged for Inej’s life.

Then suddenly there was an explosion.

Zoya, Wylan and Nina came in just in time. Zoya curled her hands up and hit it Ohval with it. Ohval fell on the ground as all of you got up and and looked at Ohval.

You and Nina were giving Ohval a hard time. You two were trying to stop her heartbeat. But she was powerful, as she moved her hands to the side, all of you chocked.

Zoya gasped and all of you fell down with a movement of Ohval. “This is taking longer than I’d like… Perhaps, we end it.” Ohval said with a harshness in her voice. As she curled her hands, you felt your heart quickened. Your organs were hurting and your vision got blurry. You can only feel the pain and fear. You tried to resist it but she was too powerful.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” Ohval said with a smirk. “The amount of trace metal there is in the body. Iron, for instance in the blood.”

As she was killing all of you, the sound of an old man came into the backyard. Ohval put her hands down as she released all of you.

You slowly got up from the ground, you saw Kaz. You felt shocked as you heard from Kaz that the Disciple was the man, not her.

Kaz smirked as he looked at Ohval. When the man in chair revealed he stole the Neshyenyer for her and that it belonged to her in the first place, Jesper stepped in. “I’m sorry did you say she made it?” he said.

As the older man got off from the chair and approached to her, he was telling about how she made it. Then Tolya smiled and completed his words.

He chuckled softly. “And it was named Neshyenyer, ‘Relentless.’” He then fell into his knees. “We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.” He said as all of you, expect Kaz, fell into your knees for her. “Sankta Neyar?” Inej said surprisingly.

After Jesper took the blade from Sankta Neyar’s house, all of you walked off from her house. It was early hours of morning as the sun appeared in the sky, you took a fresh air into your lungs.

As Jesper was with Wylan, he was kissing him. While Nina, Zoya and Tolya walked away from the house. You, Inej and Kaz walked away too. As you squeezed gently Inej’s arm, Kaz looked at both of you.

Inej then turned her head to Kaz. She smiled softly and looked at you. “I’m gonna check in Jesper.” She squeezed your hand and walked away from the two of you.

You and Kaz walked silently as Inej left your side. After a minute of silence, Kaz broke it. “You never told, what you saw.” You looked at him in a shocked expression. You didn’t expect him to remember it.

“You didn’t see anything, maybe I didn’t see too.” You answered it as you tried to brush it off. But then Kaz stopped in his tracks and turned his body to you. “Maybe I did see something, through the haze of poison.” He admitted as when you hear his heartbeat, it got quicken. You looked at him deeply.

“There are those who drown us, and those who pull us out.” He looked at you deeply as he said these words. You felt blush crept into your cheeks as you watched him. For a brief moment you closed your eyes. “Maybe I did see something too.” You revealed weakly.

He looked at you with a visible concern in his face. “What did your toxin trip reveal to you?” He said it curiously. You then opened your eyes and felt tears in your eyes. Kaz’s eyebrows furrowed and you smiled softly. “My reason to live and my biggest nightmare. All in the same place.”

The reason you live because of Kaz.

The biggest nightmare was Kaz’s death.

Kaz looked at you, for a brief moment his eyes soften because of the tears in your eyes. “But it doesn’t matter, now, we are alive.” You said softly and turned your body and looked at the sky. Kaz, watched your face as you looked at the sky.

He saw living saints but none of them mattered to him. The only saint he believed in was standing next to him. The only one to be there for him through his nightmares and everything.

He would become a better man for her. He would be a better man, for her.

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authorred · 1 year

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To Love Kaz Brekker | Kaz Brekker x fem!Reader | Shadow and Bone | Part 2

Masterlist

Preface: A botched solo mission leaves you injured and forced to kill to escape. You enter the Crow Club in a hurry and don’t talk to anyone. You isolate yourself in your room so you can fix yourself, but someone decides to make his presence known outside your door.

Kaz Brekker is a different kind of ‘love from a distance’ yk

Part 1 Part 3

Warning(s): Mild injuries, mentions of blood, description of injuries

Tags: Softcore pining, awkward interaction, losers in love

To love another is no easy feat. It takes patience and trust. Respect and compassion. To be able to wait for someone through a finite storm is an ability not everyone has, nor wants. But you have it. And you’ll wait through any severity of weather, even if there’s no promise of a rainbow at the end.

Hobbling to your room like a battered old woman, you made sure to cover yourself with a cloak you took off a merchant before your arrival. Jesper and Inej observe you skirt around the Crow Club, hugging the side walls before scurrying up to your room. The sharpshooter and wraith share a look before shrugging. They’ll check in on you later and they know better than to annoy a heartrender.

You shrug off your outer clothes and examine your wound through the shredded fabric of your shirt. Some shitbag nailed you right in the torso with a bullet. Luckily, he didn’t hit anywhere vital, but it still hurt, and you’re still bleeding. With a soft grunt you untie your shirt and carefully peel it away from your body. A clean entry wound presents itself at the front of your torso and you’ve no doubt the exit wound looks worse.

With a sigh, you carefully sit down on a chair, grunting lightly when you irritate the injury. Looking down at yourself, you carefully start to weave your tissue and muscles back together, face cringing lightly from the feeling. It didn’t hurt because you were blocking pain receptors, but it felt weird to your other nerves. The squirming and sewing-together of your insides felt equivalent to sliding your hand through a large trough of mucus-covered meat. You wanted to shiver but you couldn’t.

Sewing together your entrance wound took an agonizingly long time. If it was on someone else, you could’ve done it in ten minutes. Perhaps it was due to the fact there’s no rush; you’re safe in the Crow Club (hopefully). The real issue is trying to do the exit wound, which is almost directly behind you. You’ll need mirrors and very flexible shoulders.

Standing and shuffling around your room, you manage to assemble a doable set up--with a standing mirror behind you and a wall mirror in front of you. You adjust both to be able to see your exit wound--which is as gnarly as you thought. You sigh deeply and bring your arms behind your back, attempting twist your wrists so your palms are facing your body. You succeed, but it’s extremely uncomfortable, and you already hurt from being shot.

That’s when you hear it. A strong, steady heartbeat outside your room. No one announces themself--no one knocks--but they’re standing there. You know who it is. You know why they’re there.

“Kaz,” you call out. “People can suffer in silence, you know. You have to see them to know if they’re okay.” A few seconds pass and you know Kaz is thinking. You turn your head to the door when it slowly starts to creak open.

When Kaz opens the door enough to walk into your room, he immediately looks to the side when he sees you in undergarments. You can see him swallow nervously and his heart picks up speed a little.

You look back at your reflection. “You should be coming up with a new plan with Inej and Jesper. I didn’t fail, but I did alarm. And that’ll cause problems.”

“The planning can wait until you’re fixed.”

“I’m already halfway there.” Your wrists and hands flex uncomfortably when you move them, soft grunts leaving you. “I’ll be patched up by the time you’re done.”

Kaz sneaks a glance at you, eyes lingering on the wound you’re trying to patch up. Then his gaze moves to your arms and hands, which are in a specific position that makes you look like a demon’s possessed you. You’re succeeding; he can see your wound being manipulated and the hole getting smaller, but you’re struggling. Swallowing, he takes an unsteady step forward until he finds himself traipsing over to you.

You pause your heartrending when you see his reflection standing behind yours. You blink, then slowly turn your head to look at him. “What? You can’t help with this.”

He’s struggling to keep your gaze as it switches between your eyes and down at your arms. Picking up his cane to hold between his arm and side, he slowly reaches out to gently press his gloved hands against your arms.

Your brows scrunch when you’re trying to figure out what he’s doing. He’s not grabbing your arms, rather he’s supporting them. He’s taking tension from your shoulders.

You turn your head back around and continue to heartrend yourself, having an easier time than before. You’re painfully aware of his close proximity to you--you’re insanely aware of his physical contact as well. You can feel him shaking and you can hear his heart racing.

“You don’t have to do this,” you say quietly. “Your heart is racing. Please move away if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine,” his response is slightly forced and shaky. “Stop listening to my heart and focus on fixing yourself.”

You sigh softly and try your best to fix yourself as fast as you can. You cringe lightly when you reach a particularly painful part of your body where you didn’t block the pain receptors. You let out a strained grunt in response and you can see Kaz’s eyes look at you in concern from the mirror.

“I’m fine,” you quickly say. “It just hurt a little. I’m almost done.”

Kaz nods and looks back down at your hands and back, silent.

You’re done in two minutes and as soon as you are, you move away from him to keep him from being uncomfortable. You turn to him and smile softly. “You didn’t need to do that. I would’ve managed.”

Kaz places his cane back on the floor and leans on it. “You got done faster though, didn’t you?”

You stare at him for a moment before nodding. “I suppose I did. Thank you.”

Kaz attempts a small smile, but it’s almost indiscernible--it looks like a weird wince. “We meet at the bar in ten.” He turns and walks to the door. “Jesper and Inej are wondering if you’re okay.”

“Tell them I’m fine and I’ll be down in five.”

Kaz nods, not turning to look at you. He closes the door on his way out and you can hear his heartbeat move farther and farther from your room.

You notice how it’s faster than before.

You notice how yours is faster than his.

Ah, yes. To love Kaz Brekker is no easy feat.

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targaryenluvs · 1 year

Note

Kaz x Jesper x reader that doesn’t like being touched for long periods of time

Baby Steps

kaz x fem!reader x jesper

warnings: touch aversion, comfort?

a/n: i didn’t really know how to put this into a story so i decided to do headcannons, im sorry if this isn’t what you had in mind!

- There would be so much understanding from both of them in my opinion.

- Since Kaz himself has a strong aversion to touch he wouldn’t even be approaching you with touch anyway.

- Kaz would 100% be dumbfounded.

- He’d never encountered someone who shared his condition and he’d silently appreciate the fact that you’d never expect him to work on his aversion in order to be with you. That you’d never pressure him into anything or expect a lot in terms of physical intimacy.

- But you both shared the frustrations.

- When the other person is looking absolutely gorgeous beyond words and all you want to do is hug them, to play with their hair, kiss them etc. Having a hollow feeling inside when Jesper would be so overly affectionate when around everyone else but feel like he had to change how he acted when it came to the two of you.

- You never wanted him to change. Neither did Kaz. As much as he acts as if Jespers over the top self annoyed him, he more so envied him. Jesper never has to worry, he doesn’t need stupid gloves every day to keep him calm. He can drink and eat anything without feeling like the world is crushing down on him.

- He doesn’t look in the mirror and loathe.

- But what he hates most of all is that he can touch you. And Kaz can’t.

- You hadn’t had a traumatic background that had scarred you to the point of aversion and panic attacks.

- At times touch just became too much. Your senses would feel as if they were on fire. Like anything touching you felt as if bugs were crawling all over you. You could handle smaller things in smaller batches.

- It was nowhere near as intense as Kaz but it happened usually during the day. You’d be holding hands with Jesper and you’d suddenly drop his hand and walk with distance between the two of you.

- During the start of your relationship you hadn’t told either of them.

- So imagine Jespers surprise when you swatted his hand away whilst the three of you were in Kaz’s office.

“What was that for!” Jesper yelled as he cradled his hand. You frowned, “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Jesper tilted his head, “Is this for eating your chicken last night? I am sorry you know, but it smelt, amazing.” He dragged out.

“No that’s- you ate my food? I blamed Matthias! Poor guy was as red as the blood on Kaz’s cane.”

Kaz glimpsed down at his cane, he cleaned it everyday, not a speck of blood, poor analogy.

“It’s just, sometimes when I’m being touched, I have to pull away. I don’t know how to explain it but I just, sometimes it’s too much and I can’t handle it. I’m sorry if that disappoints you-”

“Don’t apologise for it. I don’t.”

You smiled gratefully at Kaz as he made eye contact with you. Jesper rested his hand by yours on the desk, “You don’t have to force anything. If you feel like pulling away, pull away. Thank you for telling us, I promise you don’t have to. Not like Kaz makes any effort to touch me, it’s been a long time.”

“Say one more word and I’ll tell her about Milo.”

Jesper gasped as he brought his hand to his heart, “I’m proud of Milo. Whatever makes you think I wouldn’t tell anyone about my baby?”

“Who’s Milo?”

“Milo is Jes’s-”

Jesper shot up from his seat and pointed accusingly at Kaz.

“Don’t you dare!”

As frustrating it was for Jesper to have not one, but two partners with aversions he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He loved you both and you’d work on your barriers together,

Baby Steps.

#kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fluff #kaz and jesper #jesper x reader #jesper fahey x reader #shadow and bone x reader

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ms-fade · 11 months

Note

Kaz , Jesper, inej ,Nina, wylan x stripper reader we’re they make reader put on a little show for them

The show.

Poly!Crows x Reader. 18+ Drabble.

Oh my gosh- This is so fucking hot to think about. My god, the crows would go feral.

Warnings: Slight!Striptease, watching, putting on a show, teasing, reading being a sub turned to a dom then back to a sub, i have no idea really how this goes, changed the rules of what happens at a strip club because I have never gone, but I will one day.

“Don’t look so nervous.” you heard kaz say as he and the others sit in front of you in a closed off room. Your body somehow seemed to light on fire before your clients who you knew well but you never expected them to come to your work place. The skin you show seemed to make your body cold and want to cover up for the first time, some how you were overly sensitive at the moment.

Cheeks heating up, your body tense and eyes avoiding the group in front you. “What do you want?” You bit your lip nervously for their reply. They look around and lean back, smug looks on all their faces.

Jesper laughed as wylan laid across his lap and had his arms around his neck. “Easy give us a show.” You blinked and sighed slowly moving to the center of the small platform in front of them.

You glanced up from the floor and decided to shake off the nerves and do your job, not matter how embarrassing it seemed now. “I want that shirt off.” Inej and Nina hooked arms and looked at you, pointing at the tight cropped shirt. You tugged the ends and smirked at them. Gain confidence like you have always done, it always paid off.

“Do you plan on paying for that?” Their breath hitched when you got on your knees, “There’s black lace underneath this,” you smirk and lean on your hands and crawl closer to the edge, “Would you like that?” You bat your eyelashes up at them.

Kaz’s pants tightened as you crawled to them on your hands a knees, making you looked like little pray. Jesper and wylan clinched onto each other and bite their lips looking you up and down, their pants getting the same tightness. Inej and Nina felt the sensation in their lower stomach twist and their pussy clinch.

“Let me.” Wylan leaned up and pulled out a wad of cash and counted some and threw it onto the stage next to you. He enjoyed your eyes look down and get a surprise look, only for a second. You nodded, slowing moving your hands down your body, making it painfully slow.

The fabric was pulled over your head and their eyes went right to your chest. The black lace was there and straps wrapped around your chest, the small fabric covering up your nipples. Whatever your chest looked like, male or female or anything, it was sexy and just made them want more.

You smirk as their eyes stare back at your chest and around your body. Parting your legs slightly you start to move your hips to find a nice rhythm and stick with it. The small bottoms made your sex stand out and they wondered what it would be like to be underneath you. To have you in their mouths, to have your legs straddle their hips and ride them, or to have you thrust up into them.

“Holy shit.” Jesper whispered and tightened his grip on wylans hips, the boy letting out a small whimper at how good it was to watch you. Kaz tightened his grab on the head of his cane and clinch his jaw.

You chuckled at their reactions and slowly sat down fully and your ass hit the floor, you leaned back onto your back and lifted your leg and for a minute they saw almost everything. You swung your leg over and rolled onto your stomach and slowly pushed up with your hands and then back down in the soft thrusting action. Nina blushed and got out her own cash and threw it onto the stage.

You made your way up to the pole and pushed yourself up, but making sure to bend and move your ass in the process. “Who knew the crows were so dirty,” you licked your lips and wrapped your hand around the pole, “So turned on right now for their friend, bet you have dreams of fucking me together don’t you?”

They all frozen in place because that wasn’t how you we’re supposed to do thing, or they didn’t expect for you to be so vocal. The giggle you made made their body flash with heat, “Thought so.” You hooked your leg around the metal and pushed yourself up and took ahold of the top, you started to move slowly around.

“But poor you, I don’t do that type of work.” You pouted and faked being sad to tease them, you climbed up to the top and made some hip movements against the pole. They didn’t speak and you focus on the moves you knew would get them. So you fell back and locked your legs on the poll and leaned back, your back hitting the pale and your body half way up in the air. A figure blocked your light and view of the couch and your heart stopped.

“Come to work just for only us and we can make the rules.” Kaz stood above you and made the crow head on the cane hit your cheek softly, “And let us spoil you instead, just for a taste of you.”

At the end of the night you didn’t have a choice to work for the devils.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x reader smut #kaz brekker x male!reader #inej ghafa x reader #Inej ghafa x male!readee #inej ghafa x fem!reader #kaz brekker x fem!reader #jesper fahey x fem!reader #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x male!reader #wylan van eck x reader #wylan van eck x male!reader #wylan van eck x fem!reader #nina zenik #Nina Zenik x reader #nina zenik x fem!reader #Nina zenik x male!reader #six of crows x reader

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lady-ashfade · 11 months

Text

The Crows and prey.

Six of crows x Bunny!Fem!Reader. (Bunny hybrid) [Romantic]

Plot: Ketterdam was in a bad storm and the crow get locked in at the club together for the rest of the night. It takes one of them to spot something outside and then the rest follow, and they go to figure it out. Ready to fight, ready to kill. But they soon realize there is no threat.

Previous. [] Next.

Readers appreciate: Female, I thought of a shorter reader but any body type can be used. (But I think bunny hybrids would be short, if you’re tall just imagine) The readers ears are white, because it’s easy and I think they are freaking adorable. And with darker skin tones they will be beautiful and pop out. That the only thing that is said.

Warnings: Abuse, reader being abused, being slaved and sold, blood, wounds, gaslighting, future dark yandere tendencies, possessiveness, and obsession. I wanna make this serious kinda dark, but nothing to bad, but they probably will be medium-hard yandere’s.

Tagglist: @igakc @babyblue-chaos @aqueennia

Btw: This took to long, so bare with me for the mistakes and spelling shit- I just needed to get this posted.

The small tapping on the widows as the droplets of rain hit the glass, the silence around the bar made it easy for them to hear it hit the walls from the outside. It was a very angry rainy night, people left early to get home while they still could. The group was forced to stay here for the night and couldn’t get back to their shared house, so they took comfort knowing they could be together still.

“The saints must be upset.” Jesper commented and raised his finger that rested on his cup. Inej looked at him and raised a brow and gave him a look, he just smiled and muttered his apologize. The thunder roared through the city and they could feel it sometimes, it was one hell of a storm outside.

The wind whistling through the small cracks of the door, “We could play a game?” Nina smirked and leaned forward with a mischievous smile on her lips. “Might as well do something fun.” She looked around the table at their eyes. Kaz looked annoyed and didn’t give in, he wasn’t doing some foolish.

“What do you have in mind?” Wylan asked and snuggled into his boyfriends chest and took a sip of his tea. “Charades? Two truths and a lie, or swords and shields.” She named off some games to see if they liked the sound of any of them. The table broke out with the crew, except kaz, with their own ideas.

Kaz looked away from his friends and looked out the window that was almost pitch black, he watched the water collect and rush together. Something moved across the widow and blocked the small incoming light, then disappeared to the direction of the door. His chest clinched and he stood up right away, everyone stopped and looked at him. He had a scowl on his face, different then his calm one.

He glared at the door and looked at them for a second then back to gesturing something, Nina was the first to pick up. She took a second and focused on the heartbeats she could hear, one more then usual. Nina nodded and they all stood up quietly, Jesper slowly moved towards his guns, Nina put her hands together. Inej was getting herself ready for anything, wylan looked around and saw the butter knife and grabbed it, knowing he could kill someone’s with it. Nina looked at mattias who placed a hand on her shoulder, as if this could go wrong. But he was ready, they all were.

Inej walked in front of all of them and quietly moved along the wooden floor towards the door, she was the one to open it. She grips a knife as she slug open the door ready to face the person, but her eyes found nothing but the road being rained on. A split second later she heard a noise and turned to the side, her hand blocking herself.

“I’m sorry..” a quite voice said from down on the floor, the deck roof stopped the rain from hitting them both. Inej looked down and saw someone leaning down in a cloak and couldn’t see their face, but their voice was soft and scared. Jesper came quickly and pointed his guns to make sure to get his point across, but he stopped when Inej placed a hand on his guns and pushed them down.

“Are you alright?” Inej asked and inched closer, you moved back and held your side to get away. “Please don’t hurt me- I’ll leave.” You groaned and held onto the railing to help yourself up. Nina could hear the slowly heartbeat, but it spiked up when you saw them. Clearly you were hurt. “I have no interest in hurting you.” Inej put her knife away and kaz glared at her, she was letting her guard down.

Kaz stepped through the door and eyed you up and down. No one could see your face, it was dark and your hood hugged your face closely. He did notice the hand that stuck to your side and he could see red staining your hand. “There’s a healer down the street, this isn’t a place for you.” Kaz earned everyone’s glare.

“Kaz.” Inej looked at him with begging eyes, also angry at him for being cruel. You understand and didn’t want to be there anymore, the people around you were too many. The man dressed in all black with the cane was giving you bad vibes, he scared you.

You fell back a bit and hissed in pain, you moved your feet up and took a step. Your body threatened to collapse but you pushed passed it, this wasn’t the first time you had been in this situation. But for the first time you weren’t back at your home- Or the place you were sold to and it was never a place you called home. “Sorry to disturb you.” They watched you carefully step down the wet steps and hold the railing tightly to keep you up.

Jesper looked back at kaz, Nina glared at the man, wylan was heartbroken, Matthias stared in pity, Inej knew how it felt to be like you. Hurt and clearly no where to go. Kaz felt their glazes on him and didn’t want to give in. He wasn’t going to offer a helping hand because then someone might mistake them for kind people. Then every injured lowlife would come seeking shelter.

But when he looked into Inej’s eyes, the frown in her brows and searched for the answer she wanted. “Fine.” He rolled his eyes and walked back inside for them to deal with it. As you made the final step you were stopped, “We can help you.” Your skin felt the rain again and you shivered. You didn’t know what to do.

“I’ll be fine,” you spoke through shaking teeth from the cold. “You’re clearly hurt, and it’s hell out here.” Jesper took a step and you backed up and your foot hit the mud. They all stopped because they saw how frightened you were, and they asked themselves why you were so skittish. Inej knew- Or could have a guess.

“You can come in, take a breath and have a roof over your head for the night. We have supplies for you to fix yourself, we don’t even have to be near you.” You looked at her for a minute at the soft tone in her voice and the small smile on her face, along with the rest looking at you so soft.

You picked yourself up the stairs, “Can someone help me in?” You trusted them enough because even if this was a trap, you needed help. Nina smiled and made her way down to you and held her arm out, you took it and she helps you up and into the bar. They all followed after you both, kaz was sitting at the table and his eyes feel on you again.

The light of the candles lit up the room and as close as Nina was she could see your face clearly now. Her heart stopped, a bloody and bruised face. She couldn’t explain it but you were as beautiful as a blooming flower, but seeing you like this filled her with rage. Why? She just meet you but she felt this pull towards you.

“Inej, come with me and let’s get her cleaned up.” They took you into the back and the boys were left feeling a bit lonely as they saw you disappear. A tug at their hearts had them as confused as Nina. “The supplies are coming out of all of your paychecks.” Kaz mumbled and took a swing of his whiskey, the others rolled their eyes and went to sit down at the table to wait it out.

In the back room they made and place for you to sit, Inej got all the supplies you needed and placed them on the table. Nina looked around and made a bed for you on the floor, with blankets and pillows she could find. “Do you want us to leave?” Inej asked and you looked up at her and she saw your face. Inej’s stomach dropped and she wondered who did that to you?

“I-” you whimpered out in pain and leaned back and pulled the stuff closer to you. For a slight second your sleeves rises up and Inej caught a glimpse, a familiar sick feeling caught in her throat. “I shall be fine with it.” You wanted them to leave so you could get all your wounds, you needed to take off your hood. Inej sighed in disappointment but she understood, she whistled for Nina to come over.

“Yell if you need anything.” Nina shouted as they both walked out of them room. You got to work on your side first, the deepest wound you had. This was the first time your owner had truly hurt you, or this bad anyway. He wasn’t happy when you fought back, so he got angry along with his booze which lead to where you are now.

“Is she alright?” Jesper asked as the ladies walked out. Nina shrugged and went over to the bar were kaz sat and poured herself a drink, matthias got up to be beside her. “She’s hurt pretty bad.” Inej spoke and pulled out one of her blades and played with it as she glared at the ground.

Kaz looked at her and recognized the look on her face, one she got when she was mad or overthinking something from her past. “She’s marked.” She stated and everyone turned their head to listen to her. “The menagerie?” Wylan asked and stood up.

“No, I haven’t seen this marking before. I don’t know what it’s from- Or if it’s the same, but it’s in the same place.” Inej pointed to where her marking once was. “That’s why you wanted to help her?” Kaz asked.

Inej glared at him, “No. I helped because it’s the right thing to do.” Her tone made it known she was getting annoyed, something she didn’t do often, or showed.

Behind the closed door the extra pair of ears hung down the side of your head, once fluffy white fur was coated with dirt and blood. Cuts along them hurt almost worse the the slash on your hip. You couldn’t help but overhear their conversation even if the ears were ringing, it made you a little panicked.

Slowly you applied some medicine on the cuts on your ears and they twitched in pain, you whimpering at the sting. You rushed the cleaning process on your hip and then the bandage that you wrapped around yourself. You filled your pockets with some of the supplies and got up and looked at the window. You pull your hood out and tied the bands on the back of your head to make it stay.

You unlocked the widows and quietly opened it up, looking down at the ground under thinking of you could handle the small drop. This was for the best, if they knew the symbol on your wrist they could take you back. You had finally gotten out after years of trying and you weren’t going back.

“Where are you going?”

You jumped around at the voice of the girl from earlier. She wore red and had light skin, brown hair and a nice smile. A big man stood next to her…He looked rough and scary but at the same time kinda soft.

“Thank you for the help, I will pay you back.” Nina took a step forward and smiled wide at you. “No silly, you stay here for the night. You must be scared, and we don’t want to hurt you. You’re owned by someone. Yes? Maybe the one who hurt you?” She was strangely right and that made you a bit scared.

“If you go out there they might find you, take you back. This is the safest place for you.” The younger looking man stepped through the door and his eyes fell on you as Nina spoke. “You don’t want that do you, sweetie?” Her voice was smooth but they hit you hard.

She knew her manipulation would work, of course it did. Fear was powerful, but so easy to control.

You looked out the window at the puddles splash, you sighed and closed it shut the glass, you looked at them apologetically. “I’ll stay here tonight.” They all hummed and gave you smiles, some more bigger then others but still smiles more the less. “Get you some rest dear, we will leave you to it.” Nina said and pulled the big man out the door.

The pale small one stayed for a minute and looked at you and you squirmed a bit under his gaze. “My names Wylan.” You blinked and played with your hands. “Hello, wylan.” His body tingles as you speak his name, as if he craves it more. He stayed for a minute to learn your name but you didn’t seem to want that. So he smiled at you one last night and left you be.

You looked at the clothes they left for you and you decided to put them on because you were going to get sick if you didn’t. But you kept your hood on as you laid down on the bed they had made you. You found it comforting, it was like the nest you had back there. But this was wasn’t as bad, you liked it well.

So you snuggle up into the blankets and moved the pillow underneath your head and let your body finally get some rest. Hoping when you’d wake up, you’d still be here.

Kaz stared at you as your face stayed calm and still. He found it almost cute how you looked- So pretty and adorable, but the cuts on your skin made him feel a certain way. Kaz found himself staring at you for a while, it was his turn and he was forced to do so. But he was glad he did because he needed to have a look at you and figure you out.

Body stirring to the side he saw your eyes clinch before opening them. The light was brighter then the day before, the sun came out of the clouds that once blocked it. He saw the light hit your face and it was almost heavenly to him, and your eyes he finally got to see their color. In the moment, new waves took him under and made him feel overwhelmed.

It was strange to him, but he pushed aside the urge to protect you and touch you in that moment. “Hello, sunshine.” His voice laced with sarcasm. You turned your head and groaned at the pain your side, “Um, hello.” You rubbed your eyes to see clearly.

You gasped as your wrist felt something cold and sharp, his cane brought its way up and pulled your hand closer. “What is this?” He asked and pointed to the ink in your skin. You swallowed and pulled your hand back and held it close for your chest. “You clearly know what it is.” He raised a brow and tilted his head.

“Let me rephrase,” you watch him lean down a bit and your heart begin to beat faster. He looked threatening. “Who do you belong to?” You bite your lip and looked away from him and tried not to tear up at the memories. “I don’t belong to anyone.”

Kaz chuckled and smirked, “That marking means you do, but to who? Never seen that one before.” You pushed yourself up and leaned on the wall facing him. “You want to take me back?” He saw the fear in your eyes as you asked that question. That made him never want to give you back, not that he would in the first place.

“Not at the moment, no. My crows wouldn’t be too pleased.” His words confused you. Kaz felt his heart squeeze as you moved your head, it was like some sort of confused animal. Adorable. “Crows? Like the birds?” It was his turn to be puzzled for a second. You didn’t know dirtyhands and his crows? The wraith, sharper, demolitions expert, heartrender and her boyfriend, and him? The bastard of the barrel.

“My crew, the ones that took you in. Went against my wishes just for you.” He pointed out and you nodded in understanding. “Your name?” You asked. He felt his chest grow with a feeling at how your eyes looked at him. So beautiful. Then the soft voice that sounded like heaven to his ears. “Call me kaz.” You made a note of his name. Kaz went on to tell you all of their names, it was making you head spin to put faces to them but you got it soon enough.

“Tell me..” he raised a brow, he didn’t even know your name. “Y/n, that’s all I remember.” You shrugged and gave him a soft smile. Kaz looked down at your wrist and glared at the skin covered up. “Tell me, y/n” the name tasted like flowers in his mouth, “Who is the person who put the mark on your skin, give me something. We can keep you safe here, but you have to talk.” Your heart dropped and he saw the look in your eyes as they got wider. Sadness laced behind your eyes and it angered him slightly, someone so soft spoken as you was probably scared into acting that way.

As the thoughts run in your hears your breath begins to pick up and chest going up at down at a fast pace. Your eyes look over the room at everything and your hands grip the sheets. “You can’t- I need to go.” You gripped onto the windowsill above you and tried to bring yourself up, but the pain in your side and body made you fall back. Kaz watched with fear, you couldn’t leave-

No, no you had to stay.

He thought for a minute of what to say and how to bring you out of this panic state. It was painful for him to watch. Then he saw something drip down the side of your head, it coming from underneath your hood, and then to your far cheek. “You’re bleeding.” He pointed a finger and you only shot up. You didn’t feel the pain grow because you were to focus on your mind, the cuts on your ears must have busted open again. You let out a whimper and place your hand on the second pair of ears on your head.

“Take off the hood.” Kaz motioned with his hands. But you didn’t want to because then he would know what you were. And he could end up like the rest of them.

“No, I can take care of it. Just leave me for a few.” You blinked up at him and gave him a small but weak smile. Had he ever seen you without the hood? You slept with it on, you didn’t want to part with it. He found that intriguing.

“Take off the hood, it’s not a option. You’re hurt and you clearly didn’t take care of it the first time and it’s on your head. Do you want to lose the blood going to your brain?” You shook your head.

“If I take it off you’ll turn out like him! And I will not be sold again..” you shouted and he saw the emotion in your eyes, “Never again.” Your soft tone returned and broke.

“Inej would have my head if I sold you.” You glared at him and bit and showed you were in no mood for his comments. “I promise to not sell you out. You have a place now, you’ll work for me to pay your debts. But my crew and I will let no harm come to you.”

If you could just stand up fully without falling you would be out of the door by now and send money later. You wanted freedom but somehow this didn’t feel like it, but you had no other option. Sighing you nodded your head and untied the knot behind the hoodie to loosen it. It felt like a million years for kaz, you had about ten things keeping it in place. Then the fabric was finally pulled off your head.

The white fur with old blood and new blood splatter over it, he saw the flesh under the cuts, the dirt mixed with the blood on the fur. It was silent for a few minutes as he stared at the top of your head with a unreadable expression. He was surprised, what were you? He couldn’t believe his eyes, it was like saints all over again. But where you are.

But what were you? It was making his head spin, he had no knowledge about this.

In front of him, small and hurt. Adorable face and body, a cute nose he just noticed and beautiful ears- If they weren’t hurt. “Saints.” He cursed under his breath and you didn’t know if he was mad or what. Biting your lips a bit you took a deep breath and waited for him to say something else. But you knew the confusion he was facing and it would take him some time.

“What the fuck.”

You both looked back and see Jesper hanging on the doorframe with Nina by his side with her jaw dropped. You shifted in your seat and covered yourself up and didn’t care about the pain in your ears.

It wasn’t going to be a secret anymore.

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auroravictorium · 1 year

Text

question...? (k.b.)

Do you wish you could still touch her?

Summary: set prior to the midnights series, this is "you're on your own, kid" from kaz's pov! kaz spends much of his time at the crow club thinking about you, and he wishes he could do something other than think and watch from afar. Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (pining by kaz) Word Count: ~2.4k Warnings: violence [blood, stab wounds], death of unimportant character, drinking by jesper, inej and reader, mentions of past trauma [nearly drowning, death of sibling] and explicit mentions of kaz's haphephobia Genre: pretty fluffy until kaz finds reader

Author's Note: i have returned with a gift - "you're on your own, kid" told from kaz's pov, as promised! and happy trailer release day everyone! (i haven't recovered, how are you guys doing) only 26 days until the actual season comes out hehehe. by the way, HIGHLY recommend reading "you're on your own, kid" before reading this for more context! happy reading loves <3

you're on your own, kid (reader's pov) / grishaverse masterlist

Kaz hated patrolling the Crow Club on a good night, and he hated it even more when the patrons were rowdy and the walkways crowded. The Club was sweltering with the heat of the muggy summer and of moving, laughing bodies. Sweat dripped down the back of his neck, and he longed to be anywhere else; each time someone stumbled into him as they tried to move to another table, he wanted to either vomit or toss them outside for a dip in the East Stave.

He roamed the floor, eyes scanning for fake coins and card blunders. Right away, he knew tonight would be a good night for the Club: tonight's gamblers were eager, impatient, and careless. They slid kruge after kruge onto the table, hoping the luck would turn in their favor, only for them to wind up broke when they made reckless moves. Only the thought of money filling the Dregs' coffers kept him from spiraling into a completely terrible mood.

Every so often, his eyes flicked toward the bar, hoping to catch you at work. If he was lucky, you'd look his way, and he'd get the chance to see you offer him the ghost of a smile while you poured drinks or cleaned glasses. You were the patrons' favorite, and it wasn't difficult for Kaz to understand why. You offered each one a smile and made cheerful conversation while making their drinks; if they were inebriated enough to be making emotional confessions or trying their luck at getting close to you, you would reach over and give them a reassuring pat on the shoulder or hand, and you would pull away with a watch or necklace slipped under your sleeve. The patron would be none the wiser, give you a tip for the excellent service, then return to his table and continue gambling away his earnings.

Kaz couldn't have chosen anyone better to work the watered-down bar, except tonight, you weren't there. Your absence was unusual; rarely were you late or missing without reason, but he refused to consider the worst. You could handle yourself. Behind your kind smile was ruthlessness, and he knew what it could do. He'd recruited you for a reason.

He circled the Club again, trying to get his mind off you, but he spotted you hurrying inside and through the crowds of patrons on his third loop around the outer ring of tables. You reached the bar and immediately got to work, and Kaz's grip loosened on his cane when he saw you were unharmed. His knuckles ached, and he looked down at his gloved hand. Had he really held on that tightly?

Kaz crossed to the bar after a few minutes and tapped his cane against the ground to get your attention. You jumped and turned to face him. He scanned you from head to toe, taking in your mussed hair and slightly wrinkled clothing. He gave no outward reaction to your tardy, disheveled appearance, but again, the part of him that shouldn't have been concerned about you was relieved. "You're late," he finally said.

"I overslept," you responded. Your fingers fidgeted at your sides, and Kaz could tell you were waiting for him to snap. It was the reputation he'd carefully tended and let grow, and he knew he should uphold it. He should tell you that it was unacceptable, warn you that he didn't tolerate even a moment of lateness. Lateness on a job would get you killed. Lateness in the Club would lose the Dregs money.

But, Saints damn him, he couldn't bring himself to say anything of the sort to you. As he surveyed you, that softness and concern he felt for you made itself known once again, just like it had each time he'd seen you in the past six months. At first, it was his heart beating a bit faster. Now, it was his breathing catching and his pulse roaring in his ears when you looked up at him. His palms got sweatier in his gloves, and he was struck with the sudden urge to gently dab away the bead of sweat that had formed on your temple.

He didn't know what was worse, the sharp spike of fear that ran through him when he realized he wanted to touch you or the resulting nausea that twisted his stomach so harshly that he almost needed to step out of the Club right then.

"Don't let it happen again," Kaz muttered. He turned and limped away as if he suddenly had something else to work on. He probably did, but he couldn't remember a single one. All he could focus on was his need to get as far away from you as he could before he thought about how beautiful you looked when your hair framed your face and the dim light of the Club sparkled in your eyes.

Damn it. He needed a drink. If distance couldn't keep his head free of you, maybe alcohol could.

Kaz continued his scan of the Club, hoping it would distract him from the way his heart raced in his chest each time he thought of your name. He positioned himself near one of the busiest tables and looked over the cards each of the gamblers held. For a bit, the distraction worked, and then he made the mistake of looking over at you again.

Jesper had made his way over from the door and was ruffling your hair with a grin, and you were grimacing and swatting at his hand. The two of you looked happy to be bickering, and Jesper threw his arm around you and grinned with a shot in his hand. He teased you about something, and you shushed him before ducking under his arm and scowling.

Kaz forced himself to look away and unclench his jaw. Something had come over him when he saw the two of you. It burned beneath his skin so fiercely that it took most of his self-control to keep himself where he was instead of going behind the bar and shoving Jesper away from you. He didn't know where the urge came from. All he knew was that he wanted to be the one with his arm around you, but terror drenched him like ice-cold water, reminding him that he couldn't be that close to you. His chest tightened with panic, and he returned his gaze to the cards of the men in front of him.

The attempt to ignore you didn't last. He looked up again and watched as Jesper left with another ruffle of your hair and a smile. Fresh anger sparked within him, and his grip tightened on the crow's head of his cane. He took a deep breath and turned his back on the rest of the Club. What the hell is happening?

He had never felt like this, like any semblance of control he had over his emotions was crumbling. Kaz prided himself on his ability to keep his shit together, yet here he was, moments away from snapping. On the outside, he was as stoic as ever, all clenched jaw and sharp eyes. Inside, he was fighting a battle that should have been easily decided. The rational side of him knew he could not afford distractions, but part of him longed to be the one close to you.

The irrational side of him considering such things should have drowned with Kaz Rietveld in the harbor.

The rest of Kaz's time at the Club was an agonizing battle to keep himself calm and bring himself back to rationality. He firmly refused to look your way and even made a detour along the East Stave on his way home to clear his head. He moved slowly along the canal, partly to buy himself time to avoid seeing you with Jesper and partly because the damned humidity made the pain in his leg nearly unbearable. As he limped toward the Slat, he wondered what was wrong with him. Usually, he could banish thoughts of you without a problem. He'd been able to for the past six months since he became aware of a nagging tenderness for you in the pit of his stomach.

He entered the Slat in a terrible mood and intended to walk right past Jesper and Inej in the corner with their drinks. He wanted nothing more than to be left alone to plot a new job and get his mind off you.

"Boss! Did you get the last of 'em?"

The Saints were laughing at him. He was sure of it. Kaz clenched his jaw and slowly turned. His eyes glinted with the promise of violence, but Jesper, bless him, either didn't notice or didn't care about Kaz's exceptionally foul mood. "What?"

"The men with the fake money." Jesper swirled his drink around in his glass and knocked the rest of it back. Inej passed the rest of hers to him, shaking her head. "I told Y/N-"

Something crashed into the floor above them, and Kaz's head snapped upward. He held up a hand to silence Jesper. Footsteps scuffled against the ground, and more thumps rattled the ceiling. Dust shook free from between the floorboards, which wasn't out of character for the dilapidated Slat. The loud noises definitely were, and the hair on the back of Kaz's neck prickled.

His gut twisted, but not with nausea. Later, Inej would call it a sign from the Saints, but Kaz preferred to call it intuition. He bolted up the stairs toward the attic, ignoring the agony in his leg and Jesper and Inej leaping up to follow him. Kaz knew. He knew something was wrong and that you were hurt, and he wouldn't let his damn leg stop him from figuring out what was happening.

A few Dregs peeked out of their rooms when they heard the commotion and saw Kaz, Inej, and Jesper rushing past to get up to the attic. Some followed, drawing their weapons, and they nearly tumbled into each other to follow Kaz through his office and into his room. Inej and Jesper readied their own weapons but stopped when Kaz held out his cane to block them.

You stood over a body, your clothing and face splattered with blood and your chest heaving. Your hand was red to the wrist, and a dagger dangled from your fingertips. Red drops beaded against your skin and fell to the ground.

You raised your blade again as Dregs poured into Kaz's room, your eyes darting nervously between them. For a moment, you were completely still, then you seemed to realize there was no danger. Your arm dropped to your side and hung limp, and your gaze went unfocused as blood spread rapidly through the shoulder of your shirt.

"Saints," Jesper breathed beside Kaz, taking in the scene. An assassin had gotten into the Slat and was no doubt going for Kaz. The Dime Lions were growing bolder. Nobody seemed quite sure what to do about that, and their utter shock at the incident rendered them unresponsive to your dagger hitting the floor.

"Get Nina," Kaz said, looking over his shoulder and scowling at the wide-eyed Dregs behind him. With some satisfaction, he watched them flinch. They deserved a lot more than a scowl for leaving you to fight alone. You idiots should have helped her. Maybe she wouldn't have been injured if you had. "Now," he added sharply, waiting for them to move.

They left, nearly tripping over themselves to get out of Kaz's line of fire.

Kaz returned his attention to you and started to limp toward you. He looked between you and the dead Dime Lion, then his gaze lingered on the deep wound in your shoulder. His lips pursed with worry. "Grab her," he said, directing the order at Inej and Jesper and surprising himself with how softly the words came out.

He wanted to reach out and hold you against him as if he could shield you from the man you'd killed. But the harbor, ever-present, threatened to sweep him away for even daring to think such a thing. He was suddenly nine years old again, clinging to his brother while bodies floated around him. The memory, cold and terrifyingly real, forced him to look away from you and down at the blood seeping into his floor. Why is blood easier to take in than the thought of touching you?

Inej and Jesper moved forward to grab you and led you into Kaz's office, away from the carnage. Kaz stayed, looking down at the Dime Lion and trying to think of a response to the events of the evening.

Yet, even as his mind spun with ideas for how to handle this and exact revenge on the Dime Lions in the most painful way possible, he thought of you. You had taken down a man twice your size without backup. You were wounded. You were covered in blood. You would have a nasty scar if Nina didn't tend to the wound soon.

You had potentially saved Kaz's life.

Kaz moved to the doorway to his office, leaning heavily on his cane. His leg seared with pain now, aggravated from his sprint up the stairs to get to you, and he bore most of his weight on his left leg as he settled against the doorway and examined you.

Nina was hard at work healing your wound, and you pressed one hand to your injured shoulder to keep it immobile. Inej and Jesper were starting to wipe away the blood on your face and neck and whispering back and forth. Despite the activity around you, you looked up and met his gaze.

Kaz's breath caught as you met his stare. He tried to think of something to say, anything. But words failed him, as they often did when you were involved, so he settled for a quick nod to acknowledge what you'd done. It wasn't enough, and he knew that.

But as he watched some color return to your face, his shoulders loosened. He would get the chance to thank you properly someday, and he would make sure it would be enough then.

TAGLIST: @tonberry-yoda, @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r, @futurecorps3

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