#like comment and survive /q

[vanana-r0tat3]

You weren't meant to see that

- shit fuck did i post this alreayd i forgor 😭

#if i share a song every time i post art what then #whos gonna stop me #the answer is no one #listen to my music or ill kill you #like comment and survive /q #my art #my ocs #batim #bendy and the ink machine #batim oc #i drew this before i read dctl #also the studios layout in dctl is so. very incorrect and all over the place #at least compared to the first games studio layout #though i guess you can argue the ink worlds studio layout isnt accurate to the real worlds

[hgduo]

... Will you guys please let me talk about hgduo/gossipduo/mockingjays/ whatever they are called a little more pleaseeeeeeeeee, they make me unwell and I want to get my thoughts about them out of my head- or more specifically about them from Bad's point of view!

There's a familial air to it, but it's just not true to define it like that- and that doesn't make what they DO have any less powerful or significant- They have a unique bond and that continues to be true, even during painful times like this.

Cellbit WAS Bad's responsibility at one point, and that time came and went- he got him through the war and into adulthood ( aka 18 years old or close to it.) They meet again as old friends and generally respect each other as such... but even so Bad can't deny he still feels some duty to watch over the man once he starts crumbling- much like how Cellbit as well can't help but reach out to Bad during this time.

but there's limits.

like- Bad for years had and still wants to protect Cellbit, he's had an influence on him, he taught him how to survive, he himself acknowledges he has some responsibility over Cellbit, looking at Cellbit right now feels like looking in a mirror, he doesn't like having to give up on him, but if it's between him and the kids he's choosing the kids every time... and he knows there is no simple way to save someone who refuses to let themself be saved.

And it hurts! It hurts seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to let him burn! It hurts watching someone he cares for falling down the same path he is! It hurts knowing he's hurting others the way it did for him seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to choose his kids over his protege/ student/ former responsibility/ the kid he watched over years ago/ old friend/ his 'something'!

Like, cc!Bad brought up this internal mental tier list that q!Bad has- I still deeply believe that q!Cellbit is quite high up there even if he'll never be at the level his kids are at- like he loves Cellbit enough that he ACTUALLY CONSIDERED putting parts of his months long plan at risk to save him- even if it was just during the stress of that moment that still means a LOT from Bad- but he was always going to choose his kids in the end!

Based on what I know of q!Bad (which is admitably not a lot lol) there is next to nothing that'd convince him to give up on his kids- with Cellbit he's able to see that he can't help him because Cellbit sadly does not want to be saved- and for Bad that means he simply has to accept it even if he really doesn't like it- the emotions from that night have processed and he's looking at the situation from a more logical and resolute perspective. If it means him and Cellbit may one day clash, then with a heavy sigh so be it....

but if it was Dapper or Pomme... I just don't feel certain in saying he'd be able to come to that conclusion, especially not after one night. Even if it would be the 'smart' thing to do. It's one of the key differences between the dynamic he has with them vs Cellbit...

But, in a perfect situation, he would've done everything to save them both.

Anyway thanks for reading, posting this at hell hours so my beloved mutuals won't see my hgduo ramblings but tagging this anyway for other people to see LMAO-

#mockingjays #hgduo #gossipduo #qsmp #badboyhalo #cellbit #God it's honestly a major problem how in love with this dynamic I am because I rly don't feel like I know shit about Bad or Cellbit LOL #like I enjoy both of their characters a lot but I feel so uncertain about actually ever talking about them- I enjoy them a LOT #but I don't think I have the best grasp on them as characters compared to others- wish I did though! #esp. Cellbit despite having been in love with his character since he joined- hence why I talk more about Bad's point of view LOL #wish I knew more Portuguese so I could 'get' q!Cellbit more I love him </3 #I always feel scared talking about them because their other fans just get them way better then I do- I'm just hyperfixing over one aspect! #one last comment I do generally feel like they have a similar view of one another of like-but recently I feel like Cellbit wants to view Ba #as something closer to a parental figure- consciously or not- but he still doesn't see him as family- at least not in his past #They were two dudes doing whatever it took to survive- but still he was a child and Bad was the adult he looked up to! #longpost

[bumblingbabooshka]

hiii im in the middle of watching voy for the first time (i just finished watching 6x6 riddles actually) and ive always recognized you as That person who Loves tuvok and i wanted to know your thoughts on neelix and tuvok's relationship? its my favorite aspect of voy personally but im interested in hearing how a massive tuvok fan like you feels about them

Tuvok & Neelix Thoughts (Fractured): Man who grows flowers for food loves a man who grows them purely for beauty, Annoying4Annoying, Comedy routines, Intricate rituals and the playing up of roles, Aliens amongst humans - to assimilate or remain stubborn?, Bringer of water/Bringer of life, Seeing an angel through the mist, Two people who have difficulty communicating and come off as off-putting to those around them, Unrequited love, Love is stored in the food + kitchen, Family men left without any family, People from impossible moons, Jokes that go too far, Horrific loneliness being masked by something else, I won't leave you alone (pos&neg), Cracks in the facade, People pretending and pretending and pretending, Leolaroot I Can't Help It I'm A Moth To The Flame Required Viewing, I can only admit I like you when no one else is around - when the situation's as bleak as can be - when we're seconds from death - only then will I admit that it's been fun. Apologies in the form of sliced apples instead of words vs Apologies in the form of long and tearful contrition. LET ME IN!!! LET ME IN!!!! Locked door you keep bruising your hand banging against. People who love too much so they: keep knocking, keep their ear against the door.

My thoughts are that Neelix is a silly goofy little tragic clown of a man and Tuvok thinks he's so much better than him but in actuality whatever they're up to makes them both look stupid <3 /affectionate Neelix having a crush on Tuvok is canon to me - what Tuvok's response to or level of knowledge of that is changes by the day.

#I was halfway through typing all those fractured thoughts when it hit me 'perhaps this user did not mean in a romantic sense' #but I already typed half of that and made that picture thing SOOO #In regards to pure friendship I still love them and think they're very funny together <3 #I think Tuvok's feelings towards Neelix are complicated and alien #and Neelix's are more straightforward internally but complicated in that Tuvok usually is making fun of him v_v #I headcanon them both as being poor at communicating honestly with others but they cover this up and proceed in different ways #Neelix is overly friendly and attentive and ignores ppl's comments about him (but he KNOWS) #meanwhile Tuvok is reclusive and doesn't often let comments pass without a comment of his own to counter it #Neelix worries about that bc it means Tuvok won't be as well liked meanwhile Tuvok finds Neelix's persistent friendliness to be exhausting #Neelix is a guy who uses friendliness in some ways as a means of survival and I also headcanon he feels somewhat protective of Tuvok #and indeed everyone on Voyager in a strange way...like 'oh these guys are such idiots...they don't know shit about survival they've lived #such cozy little lives!!' <- eventually said with much more affection than shock/scorn #Tuvok & Neelix: (about one another) You are SO annoying and stupid...godbless..... #Q&A #I h ope this answers your question #waspstar #Tuvok/Neelix #Tuvok #Neelix #I 'm IMMEASURABLY pleased to be The Tuvok Loving Guy HEHEHE <3 #star trek relationship aesthetic

[rthko]

I recently went to a screening of United in Anger: A History of ACT UP where Sarah Schulman was there for a Q and A. Schulman co-produced the documentary and wrote Let The Record Show, a sweeping non-chronological history of ACT UP. There's a lot to discuss about the documentary itself, but one aspect I recommend is its coverage of the overlooked history of women with AIDS, and how ACT UP pushed the CDC to change its definition of AIDS so more women could be diagnosed and treated. There's only one clip of herself in the documentary, where she, an ACT UP member herself, claims its "stop the church" demonstration was too divisive. The documentary immediately cuts to others praising the demonstration, like Larry Kramer saying scaring people was the point. Asked about it in the Q and A, she smiled and said "I was wrong and I lived."

There are a few other highlights from the Q and A I want to point out, especially since she has since written about Palestine and ACT UP is advocating for Palestine today. One audience member asked what activists should do about burnout, or when they're losing momentum. Schulman responded that movements need victories, and they need to set actionable goals to keep people motivated. One example she gave is to pressure specific organizations or institutions into participating in BDS. She said later that gay and lesbian movements were formed by people who were already active in communist movements but kicked out. Schulman has written about how LGBT activism has lost much of its ambition and imagination, and calls on queer activists to not be single-issue. She says that anywhere she goes in left activism, queer people are involved.

I wish I had taken better notes, but as I recently shared someone point out, United in Anger is available on the US library streaming site Kanopy. I have not yet read Let The Record Show, but I encourage anyone who has to share their thoughts in comments or reblogs. Schulman and the documentary's director Jim Hubbard also run the ACT UP Oral History Project, an archive of 187 interviews of ACT UP NY members. These are just interviews of people who survived to 2001, but her writing covers her interactions and friendships with others who didn't survive as well. I'm haunted by the part of Gentrification of the Mind where she recalls what Vito Russo's answering machine said after he died: "This is Vito. I'm sorry I'm not here."

To be honest, I was very frustrated to hear that so many people on this site have not heard of ACT UP. But I think it would be a disservice to the organization's history and ongoing work if I let this anger stew without doing anything about it. I do see that a lot of people here care and are eager to learn more. Tumblr has led me to great resources on the history of AIDS, and Palestine for that matter, because of people who care. I really appreciate that.

[alexfromjersey]

A SCHOOL TAINTED WITH BULLET HOLES

Vada Cavell x G!P OC

Word Count: 2.0k

warnings: school shooting, mature language, gun violence

A/N: I’m trying to write as much as possible before I visit my dad for three weeks so pray that I can at least finish half this book and at least three chapters for my other book.

Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

Poke. Poke. Poke.

You were being awoken by the feeling of someone poking you in your side, face, and thigh. You peel one eye open and are met with wide eyes and yellow rotten teeth. You jump fully awake, frightened, and scoot to your wall.

The sickly-looking man let out a laugh at your reaction, “Oops didn’t mean to scare ya.” The man was wearing nothing a dirty stained white t-shirt, no bottoms on.

“Rip! I told you, this room is off limits” The familiar voice of your mother enters your room. She was in a red silky robe that was loosely tied and her hair was disheveled. 

“My bad. I was just trying to look for the bathroom” Rip snorted and moved away from you.

“Last door on the right” Your mom answered. 

Rip nodded and turned back to you. “Sorry kid” He shrugged and left your room. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. Your mother comes to stand in front of you. 

“I’m sorry baby but I told you to always make sure your door is locked every night so things like this can never happen” She spoke softly. She tries to push some hair out your face but you flinch away from her. A hurt look appears on her face. 

“Get ready for school or you’re going to be late” She sniffled and left your room. 

You sat on your bed for a good extra five minutes before getting yourself ready for the day. You got dressed in a black pullover hoodie, black t-shirt, faded blue jean shorts, and beat-up black and white Cortez. You grab your bag, skateboard, and essentials before leaving your room. You make sure to lock your room up before heading downstairs. Thankfully, Rip was still in the bathroom so you didn’t have to see him in the kitchen. You brushed your teeth and washed your face in the kitchen sink. 

After you finished, you leave your house without a goodbye from your mother. As usual, you’re met with the sight of your two friends, Quinton and Devyn Hasland. 

“Sleeping Beauty has finally awoken from her slumber” Devyn joked in a broken English accent. 

A smile appeared on your face and you dap the brothers up. The three of you start your journey to school.

“You know Principal Adams is coming for you for missing like a whole week of school. He’s been hounding me and Q for the last week about your whereabouts” Devyn said.

“I don’t care. School is a fucking joke” You shrugged.

“School helps you get a job” Quinton commented.

“No, school helps you become a dumbass corporate zombie. It doesn’t teach you any life skills. Not how to do taxes. Not how to save money to get a house or car. Or basic life shit that you need to survive. How is a2 + b2 = c2 gonna help me in life? When am I gonna need to know that shit? Fuck school til the day I die” You smiled and stuck your middle finger up.

The three of you continue your journey to school. As you approach the school, you see a rail that you always practice on.

"Watch this" You smirked and throw your board down.

"Nice" The brothers compliment as you skate back towards them. You felt a pair of eyes on you so you turned around and they lock on to dark brown ones.

Vada Cavell.

You knew her from your Chemistry class with Mrs. Victor. The two of you never spoke but always catch each other staring. Quinton and Devyn follow your eyeline.

“Oh my god, I wish you would just let your balls drop and go talk to her. The longing gaze from across the room is so Twilight” Devyn groaned. 

You pull your eyes away from her, “You watched Twilight?”

“I only watched it with Jazmine” Devyn defended. 

“Lie. Mom and Pops caught you last week, without Jazmine, watching it in the basement. According to Mom, you look very engrossed in it” Quinton laughed. 

“There was nothing else on TV” Devyn sighed. 

You and Quinton let out a laugh as the three of you walk inside the school. The brothers make their way to their lockers while you head to breakfast. You were starving and didn’t realize it until you got inside the building. By the grace of God, you managed to get to the café before they closed. 

You grab your food and head to pay for it. But when you pulled your wallet out, you realized a $5 bill you had was missing. You sighed out in frustration.

“Fucking dickhead” You mumbled. You put the food back and turned around but you ran into someone. 

“Miss Vaughn, nice to know you’re alive and well. Follow me” Principal Adams demanded. 

You sigh and begin to follow the principal to his office. But another body runs into you. 

I can’t catch a break today. 

“Sorry,” A sweet voice apologized. You looked down and saw Vada. You open your mouth to respond but Adams interrupts you. 

“Ms. Cavell the bell is about to ring. Head to class now” Adams ordered. 

“Sir yes sir” Vada mocked and saluted him before turning on her heels, and walking to class. You chuckled lightly and continued following Adams. 

The two of you made it to his office which smelled like straight black coffee and boiled eggs. You already knew what the talk was going to be about so you just relaxed in the chair. 

“Jordan Vaughn…failing every single one of your classes and racking up a whopping 37 days absent. It’s not even spring break yet” Adams read from your file. 

You grab a red and black sharpie off his desk. 

“What is your goal Jordan? What is it that you wanna do with your life?” Adams asked. 

You continue to draw all over the underside of your board, not even paying attention to the man in front of you. 

Principal Adams sighed, “Miss Vaughn.”

At the call of your name, you look up at him, "Hm?”

“Listen I get it, school sucks and you don’t have a care in the world about your diploma. But you know who does... the world out there. Jobs won't even give you a second thought if you don't graduate. You need to start taking this seriously or you will be left behind while everyone around you is making it" Adams lectured.

"My goal is to become a pro skateboarder, last time I checked you don't need a diploma for it"' You shrugged.

"But you need money. You need money for the fees. You need money for sponsors. What if your board breaks? A diploma leads to jobs that lead to money which can help you become a pro skater.” Adams explained.

He had a point but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of being right. Adams grabbed a pamphlet labeled, Summer School. 

“You complete this program for one month this summer, you’ll be graduating with your friends next year,” Adams said and slid it toward you. 

You reluctantly take it and leave the office before he could say another word. 

The hallways were now empty due to everyone being in class now. You walk to your locker and open it. You are stunned to see an apple juice, strawberry Pop Tart, and an orange inside. 

“What the fuck?” You questioned. You remembered putting this stuff back. You looked down the halls and saw you were alone. You shrugged and started chowing down on the food. After you finished you placed your board and the pamphlet inside. 

SMACK! 

You jumped at the noise beside you. It was then followed by laughter. 

“I hate the both of you” You mumbled, mouth full of food as you looked at Quinton and Devyn. “Aren’t you two supposed to be in class?”

“Yeah, but Q saw you with Principal Adams so he texted me to come and wait for you in the hall. Why are you inhaling your food in front of your locker?” Devyn questioned. 

“I was hungry. But I didn’t buy this though. It was in my locker when I opened it” You answered. 

“Oh, food from Mother Theresa. I need one of those. Tell her to bring me some Burger King” Devyn joked. You rolled your eyes at the boy. 

“Boys and Miss Vaughn, the three of you need to get to class before I-”

A loud bang is suddenly heard. Everything starts to go in slow motion for you as you see blood splatter against the school walls. Two more bangs are heard and a girl lets out a blood-curdling scream. 

More bangs are heard, now in rapid succession. You barely process the fact Devyn is now on the ground in a pool of his own blood. You look up to see a kid from one of your classes standing there emotionless with an automatic rifle pointed toward Quinton. 

“DEVYN!” You hear Quinton scream. It brought you back to reality as you looked down and saw Quinton holding his brother’s body getting blood on himself. 

“Quinton! We have to go! Come on Quinton!” You shout as you pull him away from Devyn’s lifeless body. You push him to run down the hall. Another gunshot rings through the hall and you feel a searing pain in your hip area. You push through the pain, you quickly open the door to the girl’s bathroom and push Quinton inside before locking the door behind you. The two of you cram into a stall out of breath. Sweat was dripping down your face and tears were falling freely down Quinton’s. 

Suddenly, the sound of metal hitting the floor made the both of you freeze. 

“Who’s in there?” Quinton questioned. 

No response. 

“We’re not the shooter. It’s Matt Corgan, we saw him” Quinton added. As your adrenaline begins to fade, the pain comes back in full force. 

More rapid gunfire outside the door makes everyone clench in fear. 

“Do you know where he is now?” A fragile voice asked. You can hear another girl’s quiet cries in the stall next to you. But you were too focused on the pain. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know, my brother” Quinton cried. Tears start to gather in your eyes from the pain and the current predicament. 

“Come, come under” The girl ushered. You let Quinton crawl under first. You bend down to follow but a torturous pain shoots through your body.

“Ahh” You cried out. You lift up your hoodie and shirt to see a gaping wound pouring out blood. 

“Jordan? What happened, you okay?” Quinton questioned. 

You start to feel lightheaded and the world starts to spin and before you know it, you fall onto the tile floor with a loud thud. Quinton quickly unlocks the stall door to see you trying to keep your eyes open. 

“No, no, no, no Jordan” Quinton cried and bent down to the floor. He lifted your tops and saw the wound. 

“Shit, help me please” Quinton called out to the two girls. His voice was quiet enough for only the people in the bathroom to hear. He puts pressure on your wound which makes you groan and squirm. The two girls exit the stall but retreat when they see you on the ground. 

“Please help me,” Quinton sobbed. The blonde-haired girl runs and grabs as many paper towels as she could. She hands some to Quinton and they put pressure on your wound to stop the bleeding. 

“Hang on, Jordan” Quinton cried. 

Meanwhile, your eyes start to flutter close but a warm soft hand brings you back. 

“Hey, you have to keep your eyes open. Don’t close them. Don’t close your eyes” Vada’s voice echoes throughout your head. 

Her eyes were bloodshot red and puffy with more tears falling freely down her face. She squeezes your hand tight to keep you from closing your eyes. The sound of police sirens and heavy footsteps can be heard. 

“Oh thank God,” Quinton said. 

You tried your hardest to keep your eyes open but they were getting extremely difficult. They were getting heavier and heavier until your eyes closed and your hand went limp in Vada’s.

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x oc #jenna marie ortega #g!p reader #jenna ortega #the fallout #vada cavell #vada cavell x reader

[singto-prachaya]

Did I make a banner specifically for this post? Yes I did. This is a post to introduce you to Offroad Kantapon and Daou Pittaya who are currently starring in the BL Love In Translation. Get to know these two and their close soulmates bond through this post.

Let's start first with a short history lesson: Both participated in the survival show Lazicon (started airing October 9, 2021) and it was the first time they met each other. They became close in a short amount of time and you would often see them holding insta lives together. For a compilation of how they acted with each other during those lives as well as some Lazicon clips I made a fanvideo a while back. I never published it because it was just something I wanted to make for myself and one other person.

Now since the post will be long you can find the rest under the read more link.

One thing Offroad wanted during Lazicon was to perform in the final with Daou and some of his close friends from Insight Entertainment. This would have happened if Daou was fully recovered from having covid but he wasn't. So the performance was without him. Daou however was present through a video call. During a performance were all Lazicon contestants sung together Offroad looked at the screen, saw Daou and started crying. A timestamped video were you can see Offroad getting emotional.

Not in front of my salad! Straight to this point. If you watched my fanvideo or at least a part of it skinship between those two is pretty normal. However if you are contantly all over each other it can cause people to want you to get a room! Especially their band members. There is this behind the scenes clip of Rak Diao in which they made an appearance and check out the timestamped part. Watch for about 20 sec.

Close friends! Daou has some close friends. A couple were from Insight and they had no problem with spilling some tea sometimes. Frank who is now DVI said during a live with the boys and some other contestants "It looks like they are flirting". Daou is also close with Joong Archen and he also had some things to say. "What everyone sees is just a little bit. Joong saw a lot more than that". And he mentioned once how Daou has never taken care of someone like this before not even his close friends. Also during a live with Joong and Daou, Daou got called. Joong then was like "Who is calling? Is that handsome boy. The blond haired one".

The part with Joong starts at 1:45

Jealousy what's that? Anyone who has been in the fandom long enough knows how they talk to each other on twitter and IG. One thing is pretty clear, Daou doesn't like it when Offroad shows to much skin. And he will let it know pretty clearly. Ban hammer gifs, talking about how he has the full sized picture, trying to pull Offroad's shorts, you name it. When the trailer of Our Days was released Offroad appeared half naked in it a couple times and fans then took screenshots and put shirts on Offroad to cover him up. Atime26 even released an edited trailer with those shirts on twitter. The inpact! Most recently Offroad wore a shirt with tiny holes in it and Daou called it see through. And during a recent twitch stream of Daou a fan asked if they could buy a see through shirt for Offroad. They could, but fans can only look. Another recent jealousy example here!

Talking about each other! They talk a lot about each other. Good things but sometimes things can also get sad. I will start here around the time Daou posted that he had to go into the army (he had to enlist 1 November 2022). Offroad commented and said "Eat well. I wish you luck, no suffering, no call, no disease. 👏❤️ Send your heart to me. I love you so much. I will do my best here. Let's go". The last day before Daou's enlistment a podcast was posted by The Modernist with the Laz1 boys. There was also a written version and let me copy a part. One question that was asked was "Choose one person and tell him your innermost feelings".

Offroad: But if I want to talk to another person who is very special, that is, I want to talk about P'Wu. Because he was the only person in the group who saw me from the beginning. I want to say that my place is like this. What I want to say is that I want him to see that I'm getting better. (Crying so much that he couldn't breathe) I wanted to tell him that. I have been with him for a long time and he is another person who has fulfilled me to be here as well.

Offroad has said a couple times before that he felt like he was a burden to Daou because he felt like he wasn't good enough.

During the last day they also had last fanmeet. And when Daou grabbed the microphone to talk he put his arm around Offroad's shoulder. And then when he started talking Offroad broke down (video linked there).

And here someone made a tiktok about the enlistment.

They had to work in pairs after the first round in Lazicon and Daou picked Offroad.

Special person talk during EMF fandom live today.

Couple rings! Daou lied to Offroad and said his fanclub wanted to buy a ring so they needed Offroad's ring size. Turned out Daou wanted to buy couple rings. A fan found out it were Cartier rings worth 1500 euro's each. And Daou isn't even rich. During EMF fandom live today there was more couple rings talk.

This was for an interview with Mint Magazine. Full trans for the interview here. As a long term fan I was confused by their answer because for me it's always been a 10. Not sure how it could have gotten more.

Daou talking about how in BL series the characters at least have to love each other but that they don't have to force themselves since they already have a close relationship. Full interview here and you can use google trans on the webpage.

Couple song! Last part. Daou and Offroad's fandom name is Nubdao and they have a song called Nubdao which was written by them and which is about each other. Nubdao means counting the stars.

Translation of this song in a comment here

#daou pittaya #offroad kantapon #daouoffroad #love in translation

[dance-like-an-idiot]

i think tumblr deserves the massive infodump i did in the comments of a youtube clip. for context, its a clip of q!cellbit and q!bbh's conversation of trust

tl;dr at the bottom btw :3

this is one of the most complex clips ive seen in a while from this server. and its all because of a change in character.

bagi and cellbit finding out they're twins seemed to unlock something in cellbit that had been hidden since he escaped from prison. hes been slowly leaning into the mindset he held during the war ever since the eggs disappeared but now hes /actively/ thinking about that time in his life because of bagis pressure. hes regressed back to how he used to be. the kid he was when he would chop and eat people to survive. the kid who slowly grew addicted to the rush and the taste until it was all he knew how to do. that same kid that bad knew. thats ultimately why he trusts him so much. bad has not said a word about how cellbit used to be, and cellbit is both ashamed and trusting. ashamed because he used to be like that, thats how he spent under a decade of his life and only one person knew it. and of course trusting because/only one person knew./ i also think that at a subconscious level cellbit confessed this all to bad because he used to see him as a father figure. hell, cellbit was 13 and bbh was hundreds of years older, there is no doubt in my mind that bad was a place of comfort and a place free of judgement for that cellbit. but he also confessed because he wanted the comfort he had gotten those years ago. cellbit was surviving everyday in a crazy new environment with only bad to guide him through it and hold his hand. thats why he tells him. because he's scared they'll go back there and needs bad again. needs bad to trust him with his life again. but thats not what happens. well, in someways it is. but bad can't comfort him. because he isn't any more sane. they've both lost their minds and bad wether he wants to or not enables cellbit in a certainly dangerous way. they're both dead set on their goals. they both know what the have to do. they've both done this before. they're listening to the same song, but one of them is blasting out their eardrums. they get each other. and they'll stay with each other. and no one else can take them out of this scary fucking mindset

tldr; both q!cellbit and q!bbh are fucked up and they enable each other. not to mention the cycles gonna be damn hard to break.

#qsmp #qsmp cellbit #qsmp badboyhalo #q!badboyhalo #q!cellbit #q!bbh #hgduo #also someone commented on my post and they did SOOO well on commentary too #shoutout itsmarok guys 🙏🙏🙏 #they killed it

[deaths-presence]

Two of a Kind || Dazai x Reader Part 6: The Becoming

Story Summary: The search for your brother has led you into conflict between the Armed Detective Agency of Yokohama and the Guild. Fitzgerald keeps you involuntarily, that is until you finally find your chance of escape. Will you find strength within the ADA, or will you only become more astray? Word Count: 1.7k Characters Featured: Dazai Osamu Warnings: afab!reader, slowburn, plot heavy to build up romance, usual Dazai suicide comment warning, lmk if I happened to miss anything please! Tag List: @decaf-nosebleed @isa-ghost @xakumi @bunchofdoodlesinspace A/N: If you want to be added to the tag list, feel free to let me know! We are finally here at the moment we've been wanting for so long.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You awoke in a room that was starting to darken with the evening sky, but part of you was relieved to realize it wasn’t recognizable. On the one hand, you immediately wondered where you were.On the other, however, you began to remember what happened before you slipped into darkness against your will. Your suspicions were confirmed when the bed you lay on resembled one you would see in a hospital. Was that where you were? The thought was quickly dispelled by the presence you missed off to your left side.

“The sleeping beauty finally rises from her slumber,” the honeyed voice makes your head spin towards the source. His chocolate eyes were latched onto you, and the little smirk on his face made you aware of his amusement at your reaction.

“Dazai, was it?” you asked after a moment, your voice laced with exhaustion. “You touched the doll, and everything stopped.”

Dazai gave a hum of approval. “I did! My nullifying ability was able to cancel out Q’s madness that spread across Yokohama thanks to Atsushi’s efforts. I saw you. You tried to keep Atsushi from dying; such selflessness.”

You sat up more in the semi-uncomfortable bed and shrugged your shoulders at his praise. The more you thought about it, you registered that you didn’t give saving Atsushi a second thought. You were willing to risk your life, but maybe that was because you weren’t sure you were initially going to survive the landing. However, it certainly didn’t feel self-sacrificial either.

“I was only doing what I thought was right, and that meant making sure Atsushi gave you that doll. It was the least I could do after he explained what was happening,” you attempted to explain.

“Were you escaping the Guild?” His eyes were watching you with such precision, and you could sense that he was trying to gather any piece of information about you that he could. It was understandable, you reasoned. You were the stranger that was previously with the enemy before you were found.

“I was never truly a part of it like the rest are. I didn’t join out of my own willingness. I’m sure Atsushi has at least told you that.”

Dazai’s smile returned, and it was the only confirmation you needed to know that Atsushi did relay the knowledge to him. “I admit it is part of the reason why we decided to bring you back to the Armed Detective Agency, besides Atsushi insisting on it.”

So that’s where you were.

“In fact, I was even willing to thank the angel that would give her life for our Atsushi’s safety. You could only imagine my surprise when I saw you instead,” he commented with a grin. It only widened when his words made you squint at him. You picked up on the flirty tone after all.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” you quipped, hiding your surprise at how fast the words came out of your mouth. You knew better than to be rude in fear of being left to fend for yourself. You were here upon the graciousness of Dazai and Atsushi after all.

Dazai’s little giggle kept you from panicking. “No, not at all. Instead, I should be grateful. I don’t think you realize how many in your position would have never risked death and focused on saving themselves instead.”

You crinkled your nose and shook your head in disapproval. “The Guild may have crushed my sense of freedom, but I did not forget my morals and beliefs. Atsushi was willing to risk everything, so I decided I would too. I had nothing else to lose in that moment.” Your gaze caught the way his eyes shifted from studying you to properly seeing you for the first time, and you turned your head away as he spoke next.

“That’s what I thought you would say. Goodness, I may have found someone that may finally agree to a double suicide,” he sighed dreamily.

“I’m sorry, agree to a what—?!” you nearly shrieked.

The disappointment was evident on his face after your question. “Every woman I’ve ever asked has always said no. I thought you would’ve been the one after being so willing to give your own life, especially with such a pretty face.”

The urge to slap Dazai was replaced by confusion for the way your cheeks felt hot at his comment. You decided to hide in the sheets that you held up to your face, hoping you looked disappointed instead of flustered. “You do not ask every woman you encounter. I feel so sorry for them.”

“It is their loss, just like it is yours,” he huffed out and sat back further in the chair that resided by your bedside.

“I’m good, thanks,” you retorted with sarcasm dripping from your words. You showed your face again once you knew the blush from your face was gone, deciding to change the subject before he went on. “How long do I have here?”

Dazai’s eyes slid back over to you. “It would depend on how long you think you are staying.”

Your body squirmed. You got into all this mess trying to find Roberte, and you didn’t know how long it would take to finally locate him. It was never your intention to grace the ADA with your sudden presence, but it was a genuine concern to be left alone with Fitzgerald who would be hunting you down.

“I do not want to burden you. I’m sure the last thing you need is someone else to worry about, at least until I find what I came looking for,” you finally replied. 

“And what is it that you are searching for in Yokohama of all places?” His curiosity was back to soaking up information from you. 

“My brother had written to me. Roberte said he had found work in the Guild and to come join him, but when I arrived, he was nowhere to be found. That’s when Fitzgerald saw my ability and decided to use me for his purposes. I’m not sure Roberte’s even here at this point,” you explained, your voice more fragile now. “I want to go home, but I have to find him first.”

Dazai was quiet at your words before standing up. Your eyes watched his lanky form draw the curtains around your bed, and it was only then that you noted he had discarded the tan trench coat from earlier. Your heart fluttered as he turned towards you, and you excused it for the rising anxiety.

“Are you too exhausted to show me how your ability works?”

The question made your stomach drop, and Dazai could see how much dread was in your eyes at it. You didn’t give him a chance to reply as you took a shaky breath. “Can I ask why first? I’ve never been able to without repercussions.”

“Atsushi said that you could shapeshift into other people. I want to see how you’re able to do it. It’s something we should understand if we are to help protect you here,” he answered. 

You couldn’t argue with his reasoning. Your ability was powerful and had already started to end up in the wrong hands with the Guild. You decided despite your initial discomfort, it would be best to comply.

Your eyes were now staring into his scrutinizing brown ones as you replied. “Can you give me something that has personal meaning or is commonly worn by someone? Nothing of yours, though. I’m afraid as soon as I was able to try, I wouldn’t be able to with how your ability works. It would cancel mine.”

Dazai thought quietly before holding up a finger, signaling for you to wait before stepping out of the curtains and leaving you alone. He shortly returned with something in his hand, and you examined the red sailor collar as it was given to you.

“Give me a moment, please. A new Change is more difficult,” you warned. Your eyes closed as you attempted to focus. Your fingers explored the red fabric, trying to find the connection. It took a few seconds, but you were able to latch onto something. Long, sleek black hair that went down to her hips and dark gray eyes. She was an Agency member despite still being a high school student. You opened your eyes to find Dazai’s interested eyes on you as you finished the shapeshifted appearance.

“Do you know her name?”

You searched through her mind, and with ease found the desired answer. “Naomi?” Your voice startled you, sounding nothing like yours.

“So, you are also able to be convincing once you’re connected to them,” Dazai observed.

“Only if their mind isn’t guarded. There have been people I’ve tried to imitate only to be blocked out of knowing who they are,” you informed.

Dazai was silent for a long moment before speaking again. “You can return back now.”

You sighed in relief as you shifted back to your normal appearance, offering the red collar for him to give back to Naomi. “It works with physical touch, too. It doesn’t just have to be a person’s belongings that make it unique to them.”

“Is it possible to use more than one Change, as you call it?” His hand was on his chin.

“I can have them. They do become harder to maintain in memory if I don’t use them after a certain amount of time, though, and I would have to repeat the same process,” you said.

Dazai hummed, and you determined he was someone who was difficult to read. He always kept an impressive metaphorical mask on his face besides the playful smiles and teasing that you observed earlier. You couldn’t place what he was thinking as he kept his gaze on you. Therefore, it alarmed you when he merely smiled.

“In that case, we’ll discuss everything in the morning. If you need anything, Yosano will be here overnight. I simply wouldn’t want to keep you from recovering,” he cooed as he began to exit. At the last second, he peeked his head past the curtain again. “Make sure to have sweet dreams about me.”

You scowled and raised one of your pillows to hit him with it as a threat before he disappeared with mischievous giggling. You heard the door close and sat the pillow back down once you were alone again. You decided you were going to take up Dazai’s offer and continue to rest, and maybe just once you would have a peaceful night’s sleep while being in the ADA’s safety. 

You curled up underneath the covers, not noticing the small little smile on your lips as you succumbed to sleep. You didn’t dream of Dazai, but you were free from nightmares for one night.

#dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #bsd x reader #bsd x female reader #dazai imagines #dazai x y/n

[stellarred]

CAUSE VS. CANON: Making the Case for Qcard

*Warning: May trigger some Qcard shippers*

I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday about loving certain dynamics in stories, like Star Trek's Qcard for example, and how nitpicker fans and shippers analyze the writers' work, the actors' performances, etc. to show that a dynamic/relationship is true/canon.

She insisted that if you look hard enough to find proof that a relationship between two characters is canon, or has validity, you will find it "*simply because you want it to be true, even if it's not.*" 😡😡😡

She called it "nitpicking for a cause."

As a devoted and longtime Qcard shipper, I bristled at her comment, and I proceeded to explain how writers intentionally weave dynamics into their scripts and stories through devices, including: parallels, such as STP S2's Q/Picard and Teresa/Rios, and through lines, such as STP S1: the butterfly motif, (Q)ueen cards, (Picard's unusual luck in surviving the explosion), which led to S2 Q's butterfly comments, the S2 trailer (Q)ueen card, The Sun/Q motif, Q, of course, and his lesson to Picard about opening himself up to love, so that he could be chosen by someone else to be loved in return. Then, in S3, we had Q's last minute return signaled by the Sun, and Picard allowing himself to love Jack and being accepted by Jack.

I also pointed out that Trek writers choose very specific words for actors to use at unusual times to indicate dynamics, too.

Ex: Picard (S2): I always filed Q as *unknowable.*

@porgthespacepenguin and @celestialholz both have meta-analyses on Qcard that beautifully prove Qcard as canon by the writers.

She still insisted at this point that I was nitpicking, intellectualizing dialogue, and over-analyzing all because I WANTED Qcard to be real.

Finally, I told her that writers, such as Cindy Appel, producers, like Akiva Goldsman, and Ron D. Moore, as well as actors Patrick Stewart and John de Lancie backed it up, too.

She then said, "Well, De Lancie was told to act a certain way and read the script."

I then pounced, saying that although actors follow scripts, they do have some agency in their performance. John de Lancie and Patrick Stewart both made deliberate choices in their portrayals, using certain types of body language, voice inflections, facial expressions that added credence to Qcard.

At this point, she gave up the fight and smartly so.

I mean for her or anyone else to suggest we Qcard shippers find those nuances/subtext/indications woven into a script and performance out of a desire or desperation for it to be canon irritates me.

My friend then asked me, "Why can't you just casually watch something, like Star Trek and enjoy it for what it is? Why all this analysis?"

It's a fair question.

I guess it's because while I can casually watch something and enjoy it at face value, other things, such as Qcard are like finding gold dust on the ground. You see gold on the surface, and it's great. You could make some money from selling that gold dust, sure.

But, if you dig just a bit deeper, you find a rich gold mine worth much more. Much more satisfying.

So, what do you think?

Was my friend correct in saying we Qcard shippers analyze and nitpick for The Cause?

Or, are we actually on to something?

#qcard #star trek q #q #john de lancie #patrick stewart #star trek tng #star trek #stp #debate #qcard is undeniable #casual viewer's pov

[theportuguesewolf]

AMERICAN PAIN

Umberto Eco once said (and I'm quoting from memory): North Americans are the only people who can worship Snow-White and Jaws with the same fervour. 

Yesterday, at the Moonspell Q&A, I got many questions about returning to the US and tour. Please take this with a pinch of salt, yet we have a private joke running in the band which is that all our North-American fans can fit in a plane and should come to Europe where they could see us properly, with a show based in more than mere energy of surviving through the night.

When we are at odds with life in America and read these "come to America" comments ,we, jokingly, add: Come to the US so we won't show up.

Last tour alongside Eleine and Oceans of Slumber wasn't fun for me. The venues were kinda empty, the streets were dirty and dangerous and the motivation simply wasn't there. Sure, we can still deliver the goods; naturally I can still have fun with the many things 'Merica has to offer from the amazing landscapes, to crazy Vegas, and libraries, bookshops, and street food and I will for sure miss it ( I already do) but I can't see at the moment taking another trip to the States and loosing money and time and being very depressed again, about it all.

Last night, I told you a little of my unfortunate encounter with a "gang" in NY in the hotel we're staying prior to our return trip to Portugal but the shortage of time made me default on some details and I'd like to share it more completely, if you don't mind:

I was minding my own business and ruminating about the past month on the road, while keeping an eye on our gear , when I was approached by a black young man who asked me, rather rudely, for my phone number which I promptly refused to give him.

Used, so it seems, to get his way around things and people, he immediately started to be aggravated, while I tried to explain to him, to no effect, what was I doing there and that I was okay in giving him the number of our bus driver as he "needed" to have all the phone numbers of the proprietors of the vehicles parked in the hotel lot.  Fair enough.

But, seeing the way this young man escalated things on his own, no more explanations could I offer and he just started to act out on the parking lot and shouting threats at me. I went to the reception to call security and indeed there was a "guard" there, who tried to approach this angry person nicely, but the die was cast. I went to him myself (again) and tried to reason with him and even offered an apology because we were, definitely, lost in translation, but he started to offend me, calling all the names in the book that I shan't repeat here.

He added: "You'll get what you deserve" and in 10 minutes time, a van parked near the hotel reception and a Gang of four black individuals came out of the car, while the previous guy was shouting at me, constantly, that he wanted to see what I was going to do now.

I am a father, a husband, a singer, a writer, an entrepreneur but , above all, I am a simple man. And it was a simple man that I went to the gang "leader" and explained him who I was, where I came from, what happened, what could happened if they attacked me (they did have masks on and their hands in their pockets meant guns) because I was a Portuguese citizen and while his little brother kept screaming threats and improperares and my band watched in panic, I could reach out to the gang leader which not only told off his brother but also shook my hand, telling me words I will never forget: "Have a blessed day, brother." And we both went to our homes.

I could now stop to observe a lot what's happening to one of the most beautiful and spectacular countries in the world: the 70.000 people who died of drug abuse; the tent cities all over the place; the misery and the chaos but I won't go any further. 

I just wish to extend an olive branch to the people who almost attacked me, and yes, we are brothers and maybe victims of a cruel, money-oriented world, a world without a shred of value to show for.

Also, I want to embrace all the Moonspell North-American and Canadian fans and ask them for their empathy and forgiveness, while I offer, hereby, my best explanation of why I dread the thought of another tour in the States.

I never went public with this but I felt it was the time, so we can keep watching for ourselves and respect one another as I respected that gang leader and he respected me back. 

Goth help America, happy holidays y'all, don't forget to follow my new blog for more of this and that.

#moonspell #touring #usa #gangs #theportuguesewolf #blog

[alovelyburn]

is it true that berserk will have a happy ending or this is just fake information? i just can't believe in what i see on reddit

That's a game of telephone situation.

Miura had addressed the question of a tragic ending on two occasions.

-Once when he said that he didn't think such a grim story could have a really grim ending like Guts just suddenly dying or something.

Q: Is it even possible that we’ll see a happy ending? Miura: I’d say it’s possible. I used to have the final moves planned out, but lately I’ve been thinking I’d rather figure them out when I come to it, so now it’s hard to say what could happen. Being the sort of person I am, though, I actually don’t think I could let such a long grim story end with a grim ending — like, say, having him suddenly die. I don’t really like that kind of entertainment. I’ll leave it to my subconscious.

That's from a 2000 conversation - the same one that got translated on Twitter a few months back. The comment about Guts not suddenly dying doesn't even imply that he won't die, just that if he did it wouldn't be a Devilman situation. That doesn't rule out an epic, meaningful death.

-Once he said that he was trying not to let it be a terrible ending, and that he couldn't say it would be a HAPPY ending, but he wanted it to have at least some sense of hope.

I'm just trying not to end it in a tragic way. It's not like I'm writing something that's not human. It's being celebrated as something like a cruel representative, but well (laughs) I want to draw a style that does not lose hope even in a crisis situation. After all, I don't know if the result will be a happy ending in the end, but I'd like to end it with some kind of hope.

That's from 1996. Since then I'm unaware of any direct commentary on the kind of ending he wanted so like... not only did he never say it would be a happy ending, even if he had, that doesn't even mean he still wanted it by the time he passed away. The latest update was twenty years before he died.

Also, I'm looking for the link right now but I can't find it - it's on @kojion's twitter somewhere if you want to look yourself - but Mori did deny the rumor that Miura had said there would be a happy ending.

It's just a case of people hearing what they want to hear instead of what's actually been said. This happened when Miura talked about Casca's recovery, too.

(That said I think Guts will probably survive.)

#ask #anonymous #ariel talks about berserk #miura

[cestcirque]

Furudate-sensei’s little one-liners / Q&As from the final Haikyuu guidebook! Of course I must collect them all! LET’S GO!!! 😤

*AS ALWAYS I’m still learning the language and cannot guarantee complete accuracy!

Character Comments

Ushijima Wakatoshi: I thought he absolutely couldn’t just fill the role of the “mid-story boss.” He had to stay the strongest until the end.

Semi Eita: If he thinks it’s cool then it’s actually cool! [this is phrased to interchangeably mean “cool” and “a nice outfit,” a callback to his current concern]

Ohira Reon: He’s the type who can survive until the end, even in a disaster movie.

Tendou Satori: Seriously fun to draw. I’d like him to go for a proper health exam because he has an utterly unbalanced diet.

Goshiki Tsutomu: He would become a lot stronger if he weren’t always worrying about the way people see him.

Shirabu Kenjirou: When he talks to people about his current concern [that he wants to be taller], they always argue that he’s already tall, but it isn’t any comfort to him.

Kawanishi Taichi: He can live happily even though he doesn’t have a steady job, so no need to worry. (Part 2) [Part 1 is Hanamaki 😅]

Yamagata Hayato: He likes to try new things, but that’s not to say he’s any good at them!

Given Name Origins

Note: This is kind of from the perspectives of the parents, since given names are like a wish for the child’s future. Will make more sense if you know what their names mean.

Ushijima Wakatoshi: A name from his grandfather / great-grandfather

Semi Eita: To become a person who excels

Ohira Reon: So that even people overseas can easily call his name

Tendou Satori: To be able to forge his own path

Goshiki Tsutomu: To become a thoughtful person

Shirabu Kenjirou: He inherited one character [“ken” 賢] from his father

Kawanishi Taichi: To become a large person

Yamagata Hayato: He inherited one character [presumably “haya”? 隼] from his grandfather

Tiny Q&A

Q: Which character did you most enjoy drawing?

Tendou. Since he’s so interesting / comical.

Q: Which character enjoys dormitory life at Shiratorizawa the most?

Yamagata.

Q: Which character’s post-graduation path did you have the most trouble with?

Kawanishi. He himself is probably troubled, too.

#did this in a rush so there might be corrections later #haikyuu guidebook #translations #haikyuu shiratorizawa #ushijima wakatoshi #semi eita #ohira reon #tendou satori #goshiki tsutomu #shirabu kenjirou #kawanishi taichi #yamagata hayato

[self-spaghettification]

Because we might find out today as the new missing scene is shown, I need you to know that I think

Why I'm Confident Viren is not dead and I will die on this hill Unlike him Part 2 Electric Boogaloo

This time with a more evidence backed and clearly stated argument

Whether you like Viren or hate his guts or just find him an interesting character, I still think it’s going to be interesting for all of us, and ultimately more satisfying than his death alone.

Let’s get into it.

Primary Evidence

Aaron’s reply in a Twitter Q&A

Devon’s comment on the short reflections story, strangers

TDP Official Discord Q&As after S4

We know it’s not about the short story between them because that story primarily delves into the introspection behind the scene that was “not a very satisfying moment.” Aaron even says yes, Soren and Viren will get a chance to straight up confront each other outside of that moment in the reflections, and that the most meaningful interactions are yet to come.

It says most meaningful interactions, plural, so I don't think it's possible that's the only one.

Counterargument:

While that's true, I think it'd be a dissatisfying ending and there's more potential to his arc, especially reconciling his mistakes/failures with his children rather than escape through death as a martyr of sorts, and l'd be glad if Wonderstorm chose to explore that.

Additional Points:

Summing up the photos above: Aaron and Devon also been very clear on how Viren and Soren will have more interactions plus at the very least, mysterious/open ended on whether he will survive, while in comparison, after S1 they were straightforward and shot down theories that Harrow would survive (re: Pip the bird)

Meanwhile, there are like 10 different ways Viren could survive/be revived. (Claudia, in one way or another. Sir Sparklepuff. Kim’dael blood pact. A storm. The sun not rising. Some other dark or star magic. Some loophole in what was said. A metaphor. Maybe him even changing his mind. Who knows. Point is, it’s still possible.)

Additionally, the whole villain martyr thing has already been done plenty a time (looks at Shadow Weaver and Darth Vader immediately) and I don’t think it’s the direction they have to go with Viren.

We also have the whole redemption themes, picking a third option instead of believing you “have no choice” or are at “a horrifying crossroads” like, no. You have “two cakes” so I believe they will deliver on that.

P.S. They have done fake outs and cliff hangers several times in TDP before. This would not be an outlier.

Conclusion

A redemption arc would just be cooler to see, and I feel like if any show can pull it off, it’s TDP. Give me all of the awkward moments of reconciliation. All the pain and crying together. All the attempts to prove yourself that aren’t immediately accepted because you’ve still done terrible things in the past. All the distrust and vitriol. All the guilt being confronted. It’s going to be delicious and I am so here for it.

#the dragon prince #i’m feeling spicy and excited today folks #self spaghettification #viren #tdp theory #tdp meta #kind of #soren #mine

[nico-nico-suavecito]

Trans Year of Gratitude

Despair mitigation in the face of unceasing tragedy - a reflection on the last year following the Club Q shooting.

One year ago on Trans Day of Remembrance, I was scheduled to speak at my friend’s church about the nonprofit I work for. I was going to talk about queer joy and trans youth and all the work the church has supported us in doing. Then, I was going to pick up my partner and we were going to drive to Phoenix to visit my chosen family there, with a stop in Santa Fe.

I woke up that morning to a deluge of text messages and notifications, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell you which headline first crossed my vision that finally pieced it all together. Just the flash of words. Club Q. Shooting. Injured. Dead.

In the months before this, I’d been in a state of trans revelry. I was back on testosterone. I was experimenting with self-expression and letting myself be the alt boy I never got to be in high school. My friends and I were going out dancing each week. I’d just entered a T4T relationship and was head over heels in love. I’d just restarted the queer open mics in October after a covid hiatus and was excited for them to be a regular event again.

I still went to church that Sunday morning, for possibly the first time in years. I struggled to be present — I kept scouring social media for news, reading my friends statuses and comments. “Has anyone heard from…” “Can someone confirm if they’re safe…”

I still went up to speak. Through tears, I wondered at our holidays. Trans Day of Visibility. Trans Day of Remembrance. I felt so much rage, the kind of rage that is love at its fiercest. We deserve better holidays than this. We deserve trans days of joy, and love, and everything beyond survival.

When I sat back down in the pew, I opened my phone. I saw that Daniel, who had been to my house multiple times for hair cuts and parties and who I admired as an out and proud trans man in our community, was gone.

I broke down in the pews. As the congregation sung “We Are the Ones��� by Sweet Honey in the Rock, I started to write a wishlist of everything I wanted for trans people instead of what we were given. I wished us everything from bleeding bigots to coffee in bed with those we love. That’s how trans day of i love you was written.

That day, as people were sharing my post to their story, I started collecting people’s additions to the poem because they gave me hope and gratitude.

On the way to Phoenix, my partner Brin and I cried, wondered at the future that was feeling ever more uncertain, and we sang at the top of our lungs with Say Anything - Alive! Alive! Alive with love!

That night, when we made love in a Santa Fe hostel, I felt a certain urgency. Life felt so precious, so fleeting. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to be swallowed up by beauty.

She woke up the next morning with a cough and chills. One positive covid test and a six hour drive later, and we were back in Colorado Springs.

Like last year, I am in my house today, quarantining because of covid. This time, it’s been near impossible to find a PCR test to confirm it. My rapid test was negative, as it often has been when I’ve had covid. Still, in trying to keep my community safe, I can’t go to any memorials. I’m writing this instead.

In the months following, I was often asked, in interviews, by allies, in loaded how are yous, about how things are for queer people in Colorado Springs in the aftermath of Club Q. Whether things were better now that Colorado Springs has double the rainbow flags on display than it once had.

I think people want to hear that things are better. Increased support for the queer community in the aftermath would help our human desire for life to have a narrative in which tragedy serves a greater purpose. But it doesn’t. People are dead who should not be dead. They should be here, living their lives, with countless moments of joy before them. People are alive and still suffering their wounds, both physical and mental, with insufficient support. The needs of survivors have been buried beneath greed. Queer- and transphobia continues to be alive and well.

I don’t go dancing without knowing the emergency exits. Hiring security is now an essential part of hosting queer open mic, and this precaution is also salt in the wound.

What I can also say is that this community is so strong. The queer people of Colorado Springs continue to organize, fight, and live with a vibrancy that inspires me every day. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Still, following Club Q, the world feels more uncertain than ever. It’s an uncertainty that’s been growing — long before Q, long before covid, long before Trump.

It’s hard to look at the shooting in a vacuum. After all, every piece of anti-trans legislation that was introduced this year feels like salt in the wound that Club Q tore open. How can anyone heal when every day there is a new headline about a new group of people who want to legislate against you and people like you.

These years have begged so many questions, questions that many people in this country have been asking for decades: What does America hold in store for us? This country that cares so little for all its people that it would feed them to the maw of capitalism, a hungry god that can never be satiated? A country that let us down to the tune of one million covid deaths and counting? A country that shows time and time again how little it cares for the most vulnerable, with every mass shooting, every piece of anti-trans legislation, every new covid case, every instance of police brutality against people of color, every gallon of petroleum that will push us over nature’s tipping point, every dollar funding the genocide of Palestinians?

Recently, a friend of mine posted on Facebook asking how anyone can feel any peace and joy in the world these days.

I’ve spent the majority of this year trying to figure that out after years of burnout that, despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for, had embedded a deep exhaustion in me that left me often anhedonic and withdrawn from, not only the world, but myself as well. I worried that this exhaustion would mean the end of my life-long career in activism and organizing at best, and the ultimate succumbing to despair at worst.

I am a person prone to despair, and have been since I was a kid. Not just sadness, but despair — a helpless emotion, a sadness without hope. I’ve always taken the world very personally. The first time I met depression and suicidality were in middle school when I watched An Inconvenient Truth. This started a year-long spiral, during which I was convinced that human beings were parasites destroying this earth, and as a human being, there was no way I could logically justify my existence. Despair has accompanied me since, even when I eventually realized that people are capable of immense love and beauty, and that the real drain on this earth is capitalistic greed and fascism.

I want to share here what has helped me as the case for despair has only continued to grow, in the hopes that it may offer a way forward for those who, like me, struggle at times to get out of bed, and who feel like they are often at the precipice of being consumed by said despair. And, as with everything I write, this is also a series of reminders to myself, as knowledge doesn’t always equal practice. I have been in a very despair-forward place lately, so I am hoping I might course correct myself in writing this all out.

I believe the three prophylactics against paralyzing despair are gratitude, hope, and action. I believe them to be three sisters unified in a dance, their chalices held to the air in service of joy. When I speak of joy, I don’t speak of the mythology of capital-H-Happy. I don’t think there is such a destination. I think of joy as a tool of resistance. I think of it as that which fuels us forward, in even the darkest of times.

If I am to continue to be an engaged and active resistor against that which seeks to annihilate all of us - corporate greed, bigotry, fascism, I can't be overcome by despair, despite being very prone to despair, as I've been for as long as I can remember. In that way, joy serves a vital purpose in the revolution.

Gratitude is a muscle I am trying to work out every day. I think we owe it to this world, this world that continues to be so full of beauty, despite all of the terrible things that happen within it, to try and be grateful for what is here and good right now. These moments — my boyfriend bringing me coffee in bed, the bird stopping by my bird feeder, sitting on the dock of the lake by my house, every time I go out dancing at the gay bar and nothing bad happens — these moments feel more precious than ever. I try to savor them, despite the knowledge that 1. terrible things are happening or can happen at all times, and 2. these good moments are likely to become more and more scarce for all of us if fascism and climate change progress at the rate they are. If I become overcome by despair with this knowledge, the reserves of my hope go unfilled and I can’t be of service to this world. So, I have to be grateful. I have to savor what’s good.

Gratitude also provides the foundation of hope. Hope is an intentional choice, and not one made easily.

“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.” — Tweet by Crowsfault

Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. There is nothing to build toward. We have to have a vision of what can be. So many forces seek to take imagination from us, but we have to be able to imagine the future we want to build, not just the systems we want to dismantle. Admittedly, my imagination isn’t what it used to be — chronic stress has weakened it, but the gratitude that I am present with helps rebuild my imagination of what could be.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends happy and safe. What if all trans people got to be happy and safe. What if we could live their lives without an ounce of fear. What if we got to dance with abandon, without thinking of the emergency exits.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends have access to gender affirming health care. What if all trans people had access to gender affirming health care. What if it was free, and easy to access. What if that was the case for all health care for everyone.

I am grateful when I get to be in nature and feel how I am part of it, how I am, in the words of Alan Watts, “the universe experiencing itself.” What if we all felt that way. What if we all realized we create ourselves in the forge of how we love the world around us.

I am grateful for the organizers, the activists, the changemakers, the artists. What if the world was guided by people like them, people who lead with such a fierce love?

When I feel overcome by dread, it is their words that buoy me. One poem I return to often is Ross Gay’s “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude.” If I go outside and listen to it and watch the birds, and the clouds, and the people pass by, I can mainline enough hope into me that I can at least do what must be done. Work. Love the people I love. Create. Organize and advocate. If I’m lucky, there will be enough beautiful things that happen that day that I can find more gratitude and hope to keep me going.

Hope and gratitude would be empty platitudes without action, the truest triumph over despair. I think that we all have roles to play in this world inundated with pain. I think we as a community are in the process of learning the power of our voices. The ways that we can amplify gratitude, and hope, and action in all we do, all we share, all we write, all we create.

I have started to see it as a cycle. Act. Act until you must rest and remind yourself of a future you can hope toward to motivate you. If you can’t envision a future you can hope for, be intentional in being grateful for what is so that you can see what can be. If you need to be reminded of what is, seek and create moments in your life that kindle the flames of your gratitude.

I say all this, and still, there are some weeks I can barely leave my bed. I always try my best, but my best isn’t what it used to be. But I have to try and try and keep trying. And gratitude, hope, and action, however foolish and futile they might feel at times, are the best ways I’ve found to try right now, so that we might be able to continue to fight like hell for the people we love, both dead and alive.

P.S. A note for you, reader. I am grateful you’re here. What if the world had more people like you? What would be possible then?

#lgbtq #trans #transgender #club q shooting #lgbtqia #trans day of remembrance #tdor #mass shooting #queer joy #trans day of i love you #poetry #art #activism #club q #colorado springs

[snowflakeanimelover]

Light And Dark(FNAF: Security Breach) Good Ending

Masterlist

Tag list is CLOSED.

Tag List: @lacunaanonymoused  @fatherfigurefreddy @teddydumpster @butterflykiisies @bloodsweatandcannibals @kebabra @jack-morrison @simpcity-com @thelovebuggs @kitty-page @transwolfie @liar-liar13 @zyphrr @probablygonnahurtsomebody @gipsyd @starlightdust-dreamergalaxy @black-veil-chemicalz @maryclanders @necromantiste @resortalia @yourpoin @plaguerat44 @sakura-chandaneko @callmegkiddo-original

Usernames that I am not able to tag(I Apologize for the inconvenience): @lilpaa, @hahaitiedyouup, @slowdancingwithseokjin, @blanktide, @snclom

If you have any questions about this story, please comment on this post here. I am working on a Q&A post.

— — — —

Author here: Yes, this is the good Ending. I want to thank all of you for riding this journey with me and supporting me throughout this story. It has been an absolute pleasure to write this for you guys, and for myself, too. I am so grateful for your guys’ amazing comments and support. I apologize if this ending is disappointing, but I’m pretty proud of this ending. And I apologize for the super super long wait. I finally got the motivation to write this ending.

Thank you so much for your patience! 

— — — —

It almost made me laugh, thinking about how this whole thing started and how it’s going to end. A simple day at work turns into meeting Vanessa, who involuntarily gave me the night guard duty with her. Then, all hell broke loose. A boy becomes lost in the Mega Pizzaplex, and I get chased by an animatronic who is obsessed with me.

My life was well before all of this. I try to remember the good times I had working here. Becoming friends with the animatronics working here, and even my coworkers. Sunnydrop and I were pretty close. He cared a lot about me, and I cared a lot about him.

“Sunny?” I asked as I wiped all of the markings off of his arms and hands. It was the end of the day, the daycare now empty of children and now full of staff workers cleaning up the area. It was my job to clean up the animatronics when needed. Sunnydrop and I sat by a kiddie table on the floor. 

“What is it, (Y/N)?” He asked excitedly.

“Um…I was wondering…what you thought of this place?” It was an odd question coming from me to ask a robot. I knew robots couldn’t really feel, but it was something to pass the time, I suppose.

Sunnydrop cocked his head to the side. “Why, this place is so much fun!” 

I giggled at his cheery personality. “Because of the children?”

“Of course! And seeing you, too!” A little warmth spreads on my cheeks. He was happy to see me?

“Oh…well, I’m always happy to see you, as well, Sunny.” I smile at him.

I smiled at the fond memory, wondering what all went wrong. Sunnydrop was such a good animatronic to me and the kids. I figured that fixing him after all of this would bring things back to normal.

But he killed someone.

Fred, who was an innocent man, was killed for some reason that I do not know of. Why? Why him? The only way to get that answer, is to ask the robot himself. 

I looked at the two hallways, debating on what I should do. Gregory is just a kid. Who knows how he got in here, or why he did. But he’s a boy with no parents, no one to take care of him. And I would be the only one to take care of him if we manage to get out. I can’t just leave him alone like that.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?” Freddy’s voice comes through the watch, snapping me back to reality.

I hesitated to answer. So many pros and cons of each option. Sunnydrop’s threat loomed over me as I thought harder and harder. Was Sunnydrop on his way over to Gregory and Freddy right now? Or was he just…bluffing…? “Stay there, Freddy. I’m coming.” With newfound determination, I knew I couldn’t just leave Gregory behind. Of course, I didn’t know if he had parents, or even siblings. But I couldn’t just chance his survival in the big world.

I ran and ran as fast as I could. My skirt was already ripped partly on the side, giving my legs more room. I tried to stay quiet, but with the heavy breaths I was letting out while running didn’t help to keep my cover. 

But I didn’t care. Getting to Gregory and Freddy was my top priority.

I wasn’t sure how fast I was running, but it certainly felt like a short run when I found Freddy and Gregory standing by the doors in the lobby. I wanted to cry seeing them there. They were okay. Sunnydrop wasn’t there. 

“(Y/N)!” Gregory’s voice gave me relief. He suddenly, and surprisingly, gave me a hug when I made it to them.

 I was breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath from the run. “W-We have to get out of here. Quickly.” I manage to say between breaths. “Before Sunny gets here.”

“Right!” Gregory takes a hold of my hand and guides me to the doors. But he was stopped when he noticed Freddy wasn’t following. “Come on, Freddy!”

Freddy stood silently, watching us as we waited for him. “I’m sorry, Gregory, (Y/N)...but I can not go.” Sadness laced his robotic voice.

I squeezed Gregory’s hand. “He’s right.”

“What do you mean?” The boy looked at me in panic. “Come on! You can go, Freddy!”

“Gregory.” I call out, now looking at him. “He has no way of staying powered if we did bring him. He has to stay here.”

“But…” Gregory looked very upset, but he managed to keep his strong facade.

I turned to my long-time friend. “We’ll see you again, Freddy. You just wait for us, alright?”

Freddy nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! Do not worry, gregory, we will meet again. Take care now.” 

It hurt to pull Gregory away from the animatronic as we headed out the doors. A gush of fresh air hit my face as soon as the doors closed behind us. The sun peaked over some hills as it began to rise. 

I’m free.

I looked over at the silent Gregory. His eyes cast down to the asphalt ground, his hand still hanging onto mine. “Hey,” I shake his hand to get his attention. He blankly looks up at me. “Ready to go home?”

A small smile graced his lips. “Yeah…” He answers quietly.

— — — 

The grip on my purse started to become noticable the longer I stood in this spot. It felt as if the bag itself was weighing a ton with each passing second, the strap painfully digging into my shoulder.

“Let’s go, mommy! We’ll miss the show!” A child's voice breaks my train of thought, my eyes glancing over to the woman and her little girl. The girl had a strong hold on her mothers hand, pulling her to the building standing in front of me. 

I probably looked weird just standing in front of a children's building. So, I took a deep breath and walked through the familiar doors.

So many years from that fateful day of becoming free from that terrible night, I come back. My body shook with fear as I carefully observed my surroundings. So many people and their children were running around. Many staff robots are cleaning their paths. I noticed that there weren’t as many people as there were when I last worked here. Probably from the news of the Pizza Plex shutting down from a dead body being found. Obviously, that’s not what they said for the first year. Tried not to, anyway. After one year of keeping things at the low, someone fished it out and the news spread like wildfire.

Years later, it’s back up and running.

I noticed a familiar person standing by Glamrock Freddy’s room. Her scowl was a clear give away. She didn’t even change her looks after so long. Vanessa turned to me, a small smile spreading on her face. “Hey, long time no see.”

I chuckle. “And here I thought you wouldn’t miss me.”

“Still the best security guard partner I had.” She shrugs. “Here for Freddy?”

I nod silently to her and she gives me a wave to let me go in. I knocked first, before the door opened for me. Freddy turned to me with, impossibly, his eyes widening. “Hey there, Freddy. You haven't changed all this time.” 

I let out a loud gasp as he picks me up into a strangled hug. “(Y/N)! It is certainly great to see you!”

Once he let me down, I gave him a more appropriate hug. “It sure has.”

“How have you been? I’m surprised you are…here.” He says carefully.

I giggle lightly, even finding it funny myself how I’m here today. “Yeah…I’m surprised, too.”

“And Gregory?”

“Just fine. He’s in school. Slowly getting along with the other kids. Sorry he couldn’t come. I figured it’d be best if I was here…alone.”

Freddy nodded. “Of course! I’ll see him next time.” 

It went silent for a bit. My thoughts are rolling over in my mind as I think. “Freddy? Have you seen…Vanny…? Ever since that night?”

The animatronic shook his head, bringing my heart to relax just a bit. “I have not. She hasn’t appeared once.”

I smile at the floor, looking at my daily shoes. It felt good coming into the building without a uniform. Weird, but good. “And…what about Bonnie?”

His head cocked to the side in question. “Bonnie? Is that someone you knew?”

“You don’t know him? He’s just like you. He saved me that night…from Vanny.” My shoulders then dropped in sadness. I was hoping to see him and thank him for what he did. “I figured you would know him…”

“I’m afraid not, (Y/N).”

A loud bang slams against the door, making me jump in surprise. “Be ready in five, Freddy!” Vanessa’s voice rings through the metal door.

“It seems I must be going.”

I look at my watch, slowly nodding in agreement. “Right, me too. I have to get home before Gregory tortures the babysitter any further.”

Freddy chuckles at that. “Be sure to tell him I said hi.”

“I will, Freddy. I will.”

— — — —

Bonus:

“You sure you wanna do this?” 

His voice echoed down the dark hallway. Its loudness makes me shrink back in fear. The man was nice enough to give me time to breath and relax. After a long beat of silence, I nod. “Yeah…It’s the only way…”

With a hum, he starts moving forward. We took a turn down the hall, finding an open room with many animatronics in the works. Some arms and legs strewn everywhere. Some metal bodies lay on tables.

“He’s been out of commission for two years now. I’m not sure how he’ll react after waking up.”

I didn’t respond to him, watching closely as his hand inches closer to a certain button. I nod once more that day in confirmation. Sounds of wires sparking in the animatronic was all that was given when he clicked the button. Then, after a few long minutes, my hand gripped tightly on my purse strap when the white glow of the eyes in the animatronic started to appear.

I took a deep breath. 

“Hey, Sunny.”

#fnaf #fnaf security breach #yandere #yandere fnaf #light and dark #yandere sunnydrop #yandere moondrop #sunnydrop #moondrop #sunnydrop x reader #moondrop x reader #good ending #last part #book finished! #x reader #reader #glamrock freddy #glamrock bonnie #vanny #vanessa #gregory #scary moments #yandere themes

[mi6-cafe]

You MAY Choose Your Own Adventure!

For this month’s challenge, it’s company retreat time--disguised as a training mission! The agents have been marooned on an island and given a map. There’s a hidden chest with Q Branch prototypes for whoever can find it first. Q has promised it is in one of the locations indicated by an icon on the map. What are you waiting for? Start hunting!

Tag any works you make with #MI6CafeChallenge and tag @mi6-cafe on tumblr so we can reblog your work! At the end of the month we’ll reveal what the agents found at their locations! You can also see the prompts on the Cafe Wordpress and download the map for a higher quality image.

Locations/Prompts

Graveyard ― Create something with the title: In the Service of the Reaper

Tall Fortress ― Fill an anon prompt that no one has done yet

Prairie ― A mundane event happening in the most unlikely of places

Sunken Ship ― We know Bond was in the Navy, but how did Character A find out?

City ― Create something based on one of March’s moodboards (Find them here!)

Forest ― Create something which takes place somewhere you have visited

Desert Cacti ― Write from a secondary character’s POV (not Bond or Q)

Old Schoolhouse ― Incorporate a second language into whatever you create.

Hills ― Write a haiku from the POV of an agent.

Castle ― A character gets medieval. How?

Mountains ― Genre prompt: Survival story

Underwater Volcano ― Even villainous lairs have unions

Palm Tree ― Make a rec list (at least 3 works) based on a trope you enjoy

Anchor ― Comment on a work of a creator you’ve never commented on before

Huts ― Use food to create some Bond inspired art

Riverhouse Remix

Those who signed up for our remix event will be completing their submissions later this month! At the end of May, we’ll begin posting two anonymous remixes per day. We’re very excited to see what everyone comes up with! 

The Saturday Cafe: May 6th and 20th 

Come join us in the fandom Slack as we write, draw, sprint, plot,  brainstorm, cheerlead, and generally have a good time trying to get things done together. If you’d like an invite to the Slack, go ahead and message @castillon02 or @spiritofcamelot!

If you have not joined us in a few weeks, we now have a set of pinned questions in the Writer’s Corner to prompt discussion on Saturdays when the mods are busy.

Long Fic Readalong, Saturdays at 9pm ET

Join us in the Discord while we read a fic together. This is a chance to enjoy the fun of reading a chaptered work in weekly installments  with all the laughter and shared suspense that that involves.

The current story is “No Rest for the Wingless” by Only_1_Truth. Stop by the discord channel to see where we left off if you want to catch up, or just show up on Saturday nights and we can give you a recap.

We’d love to see you there. You are welcome to listen if you don’t or can’t read aloud!    

When: Saturdays at 9pm eastern/6pm Pacific (your local time here).

Where: We’ll be reading on discord in the readalongs channel. (Invite to discord here)

Please join us to read, to just hang out and listen, and to generally enjoy a good story together!

Weekly events:

WIP Wednesday: You can post an excerpt of your WIP on our post or make your own post and mention the @mi6-cafe. Either way it’s a fun way to show people what you’re working on, Bond fandom or otherwise.

Weekly Bond movies: Hosted by womble every Sunday at 8am Pacific time, join us in Discord to watch one of the Bond movies. Keep an eye on the watch party calendar linked below for updates.

Want to host your own event in the Discord or elsewhere? Let us know about it so we can add it to the calendars!

Calendars

Watch Party Calendar MI6 Cafe Calendar   If you need help adding these calendars to your personal one, check out this post.

#mi6cafechallenge #mi6cafe monthly post