#like i got a 5 on an ap test once and i was SO proud and they were just like 'just a 5? why not a 6' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

champagne-bucky · 4 years

Text

The Undoing: Five

Summary: The truth about a past life is unveiled.

Warnings: THIS IS A DARK STORY!! dark! Steve Rogers x reader, kidnapping, non con and dub con (or at least mentions of), dark! Bucky Barnes, Stockholm syndrome, grooming, mentions of pregnancy termination and suicide mentions (for one chapter), possibly more tags to be added!

Notes: Hey, hey!! enjoy Chapter 5 and let me know what you guys think!! Enjoy :)

Please Read Warnings!!

Ahh, first day of senior year. The last year before Sasha heads off into college, one step closer to the real world. Sasha has been dreaming of this day for so long.

As a child, she was always an ambitious little genius (as her father would refer to her as). Always got good grades, never missed a day of school (one time she threw a tantrum over a head cold that her mother insisted she stayed home for), and never once skipped a class. Her homework was never late and she was well over prepared when it came to tests in class. She even did well on the PSATs! Needless to say her father and mother were both proud of the little genius.

“You remember the rules right?” Her father said.

“Yes, dad,” Sasha rolled her eyes which produced a scolding from her father.

“I’ll be outside at 3:15 to pick you up. Don’t take the bus, don’t go home with anyone, don’t walk home-”

“Dad, I know, you’ve been telling me these rules for, like, 100 years now. I think I understand,” Sasha grabbed her bag and got out of the car.

“I know, honey. I just want to make sure you're safe. This world has gotten too crazy and I just want to protect you,” Steve put his hand on her shoulder.

“I get it, dad, you’re doing all you can to make sure nothing happens to us, but I promise you I’ll be okay here. It’s my last year here anyways, what are you gonna do when I go away to college?” Steve gulped. He isn’t ready for that conversation yet.

“Remember 3:15 and not a minute late,” Steve ushers Sasha out of the car.

“Okay, by love you,” Sasha jumps out of the car.

“Love you too.”

Sasha took a deep breath as she exited the bathroom at school. She needed a way to calm herself down before she had an anxiety attack. Yeah, she was a smart girl, almost top of her class, but she was very lonely. Every high school has a “clique” like she’d seen on TV, but television never thought to teach her about the lonely outcast who had no friends.

That was her. Sasha didn’t have friends here. She tried to make them, but what was the point if she was only allowed to see them in school. Her father didn’t trust anybody he hadn’t met first.

“Friends” came and went and overtime Sasha earned the reputation of “the nobody”. She was just a forgettable face to the other kids here. No one really bothered to talk with her and she didn’t bother to talk to them. However, she often found herself daydreaming what it would be like to have a group of friends… or just one friend she wasn’t picky.

“Hey, hey, Rogers!”

Oh God

“Hello, Ned,” Sasha held back her groan as the cheery student made his way to her.

“So just thought I’d let you know that Decathlon is meeting every Wednesday after school for meetings. You gonna join this year?”

Every. Fucking. Year.

It’s either Ned or Mr. Garber that’s been on Sasha’s ass since the freshman PSATs results came back and she scored extremely high. Both were too persistent and Sasha always ended up telling them no. She would always make up some lie or promise to join and just never show up. Secretly she wanted to join, but she knew her father. Steve would say no before she even thought about asking him.

“Ned, what has my answer been for the last three years?”

“No, but-”

“And what do you think my answer will be for this year?”

Ned looked at Sasha for a moment. He knew the answer, but he made a promise to Mr. Garber that this year would finally be the year they get her to join the team. If Sasha joined then that meant they could finally win the National Decathlon for the first time in the school’s history.

“Okay, okay, I know it’ll be a no, but can’t you just come to one meeting. If you just got to know us and know the club I'm sure you’d really like it.”

“Ned, I’m sorry but I can’t! I-uh I work now. Gotta save up some money for college,” Sasha bit her lip.

“You’re lying,” Ned pointed at her lip, “you always bite your lip when you’re trying to lie!”

“How can you-”

“I’m very observant,” Ned’s eyes went wide.

The bell rang and Sasha let out a breath and relief. At least she got a break from him now.

“I’ll see you in AP Physics! Don’t forget we meet every Wednesday after school!” How did he know they had class together?

The day had droned on as Sasha made her way to all her classes. She had a majority with Ned, who wouldn’t stop badgering her about decathlon, and she had a few alone. Physics was her last class of the day and she couldn’t have been more relieved. This day was so boring considering they were just going over the syllabi for each class.

For lunch, Sasha went to her usual spot which was located behind the curtains of the auditorium. No one ever came back there and there was no one that would ever look for her. It was a nice getaway from all the students. The auditorium was quiet and dark, she felt almost at peace in her little safe space.

“Ms. Rogers, how was your summer?” Sasha groaned internally as Mr. Garber greeted her. He was already drumming up a pitch to sell her on decathlon.

“It was good Mr. Garber, got a job that keeps me pretty busy,” she tried to emphasize, but she knew it would go right over his head.

“Well that’s nice, please take your seat behind Mr. Parker and we can get started.”

Sasha made her way to her seat and sat down. She was surprised that Peter, Ned’s friend, didn’t abruptly turn around and talk to her. He had also been an instigator alongside Ned, just not as annoying though.

The bell rang and class had begun. Of course, Mr. Garber wanted to do icebreakers which resulted in Sasha getting paired with this girl, MJ. MJ was just like Sasha, but only a little more brazen. MJ got involved in decathlon and had a small group of friends as a result of it, but before she joined MJ was an outcast just like her.

As soon as class began it ended. Mr. Garber liked to let his students go a little earlier so that they could beat the hallway traffic. However, before Sasha could make her way out the door she was stopped by the call of her name. She turned around and approached Mr. Garber’s desk.

“Sash, I really would like it if you thought decathlon through,” he began.

“Listen Mr. Garber, I appreciate your reaching out to me over these past couple of years, but I just can’t join.”

“Sasha, you have one of the best test scores at this school. You are so close to being Valedictorian for graduation too. Every teacher that I’ve talked to that you’ve had in the past says that you are so bright. Why won’t you just consider it,” he pleaded with her.

“Mr. Garber, I’m sorry but it’s not up to me. If I could join I would, but I can’t! I have a lot on my plate with stuff at home and a job to help me out for college. The timing just isn’t right,” Sasha blurted is all out to Mr. Garber. Both were in shock at Sasha’s tone, but before Mr. Garber could respond, Sasha ran out.

Sasha walked out of the building and past her locker towards the front of the school where her dad was parked. He always showed up early to beat out the traffic coming into the school. Steve was surprised to see his daughter outside before 3:15, but didn’t question her as she got in the car.

“How was the first day back?” Steve asked as he drove off.

“It went great. Um, I’m in all AP and honors classes again this year, I have a good lunch break, I like all my teachers. So, things at school are pretty much how they always are,” Sasha told him.

The ride home was just a bunch of school related conversations. Steve and Sasha didn’t really talk about anything else besides education. Steve was proud of Sasha and how great she was doing academically. His daughter would make a great addition to the world with her brain, but he knew that he couldn’t risk letting her go.

Back at home Sasha’s mother was already putting dinner on the table. Since Sasha went off the school, Gwenyd stepped up to help out. She didn’t mind being homeschooled because she actually liked to cook, clean, and help out around the house. However, she often did wish she could've followed in her older sister's footsteps.

“Sasha, Sasha! How was school? You have to tell me all about it,” Gweynd left her mother’s side and came up to her sister.

“You girls can talk about it while you help your mother out with setting the table,” Steve said to them as he went to greet his wife.

Dinner was always early and followed by a delicious dessert. Sasha’s mother didn’t go out that much so she prepped dinner early and then helped the other children with homework. Sasha admired her mother and all the hard work that she does for the family. Sasha feels guilty sometimes though, she wishes that she could also help her out, but her father insisted that she stopped playing house and go to school. She never understood that.

During dinner, Steve kept getting an annoying amount of phone calls. They weren’t from Bucky seeing as he would be at work until later, so Steve was just letting them go to voicemail. Around the 5th time however, Steve decided to answer the phone.

“Who is this?” He said annoyed.

“Hi, um, Mr. Rogers I presume? This is Philip Garber from Fair County High School. I wanted to talk to you privately with regards to your daughter, Sasha?” Steve was confused and quickly excused himself to his office.

“I was wondering if we could-”

“Why have you called me?” Steve cut him off.

“Oh, well you see I was wondering if you could help me in convincing Sasha to join one of our most prestigious clubs at the high school,” Steve was confused. Sasha knew the rules, why did she think he would even make an exception.

“I’m sorry but-” Mr. Garber cut him off.

“I understand that Sasha has a lot on her plate, but you don’t understand how much academic decathlon could help her! Sasha is one of the most brightest children we have at the school and we would be so honored if she joined the team,” Mr. Garber was noticeably nervous on the other end of the line. He was trying his best to convince Steve.

“I really don’t appreciate you calling me while I’m in the middle of a family dinner,” Mr. Garber stuttered out his next words as Steve’s voice cut through the line.

“I apologize, Mr. Rogers.”

“Sasha will have no time for after school clubs. She has to focus her attention on more important things,” Steve spoke.

“Yes,” Mr. Garber cleared his throat, “I too was in a predicament as well as your daughter. I was working two jobs in high school so that I could save up for college. I feel her pain, I really do. However, if you could convince her to join the club think of the amazing opportunities she’d have! Colleges from all across the country watch these decathlon competitions. This could mean scholarships, recruitments-,” Mr. Garber was abruptly cut off.

“Sasha isn’t going to college,” Steve had to think of his next words very carefully.

“That’s not-,” Mr. Garber was cut off again.

“Sasha and I had made an agreement that she would take a year off of school and accept a well paying job with a family friend of ours. It would be a waste of time for her to join a team that could promise her something that she won’t need to use. Thank you for your time, Philip was it? But I need to go now,” Steve hung up the phone before Mr. Garber could get another word out.

Mr. Garber didn’t want to say anything, but Sasha had mentioned not only to him, but to Ned as well that she had a job for college. Was that all a lie? Did she not want to join because she didn’t want to get her hopes up? Does her father not know that she has a job?

So many unanswered thoughts popped into the teacher’s head as he rubbed his temples. He needed Sasha for this team. Mr. Garber wanted her to join more than anything. Even if they didn’t win Nationals, at least Sasha would have the opportunity to make some friends. Mr. Garber knew that she didn’t talk to many people. He also knew she ate lunch alone, but wouldn’t tell anybody. He knew how hard it was to be alone.

He had to do something. Something that could help Sasha out. He could leave her out to dry.

The next day Sasha was called into the main office. She’s never gotten into any trouble before so she was confused as to why she needed to be in the office.

“Here,” the secretary handed her a piece of paper.

“What’s this?”

“Your new schedule,” the secretary went back to popping her gum and typing on her keyboard.

“I didn’t request a change,” Sasha looked down and saw that her one class had dropped and turned into a free period.

“I know you didn’t, but this was a special request.”

“By who?”

“Mr. Garber, he has requested you and other students for something during free period,” Sasha was beginning to seeth. How did this man not take no for an answer?

“Is there any way I can change my schedule back?” The secretary shook her head and Sasha stomped off.

She couldn’t believe that her teacher had the audacity to change her schedule without her permission. This man was nuts, Sasha was convinced. She’d probably freak out on someone if this schedule change had anything to do with decathlon.

“Hey, hey, Sasha Rogers,” Ned pointed finger guns her way as he and Peter walked up to her.

“Did you do this,” Sasha took her anger out on the poor kid.

“I assume you’re talking about our new schedules. Nah, I didn’t have the skills to hack into the new system. I had chemistry homework to do so I couldn’t. Don’t worry though, Peter and I will be seeing you in class shortly,” Ned did a weird diabolical laugh as he walked away.

Peter remained and decided to speak to you. “I’m sure Mr. Garber isn’t gonna waste our time with whatever he needs our help for. He did the same thing to me one year too. Don’t worry it’ll be fine,” he gave Sasha a reassuring smile as he walked away.

A few periods had gone by and it was time for Mr. Garber’s free period. Sasha had entered the room and saw Peter, Ned, and MJ along with a few other faces. Flash Thompson was one of the few who picked out Sasha’s presence.

“Holy shit, never thought I’d see the way when Miss-too-smart-for-anybody decided to join us. I gotta say I was questioning why Garber did this, but now I think I know why. What, did princess not like staying after hours? Afraid that the big bad kids would rough you up?” Flash taunted Sasha as she turned red with embarrassment. Mr. Garber did all this for her?

“Fuck off, Flash. You only pick on Sasha cause you know she’ll be Valedictorian by the end of the year. What, did “big bad” Flash’s masculinity get compromised now that a woman might overthrow you?” MJ got up and right into Flash’s face.

Flash quickly backed off and sat himself down again. Sasha and him have been in an unspoken (and one sided) competition. He always got mad when Sasha got higher grades on tests than him. One time, after the freshman PSATs he had to be sent to anger management because Sasha got the highest grade in the class.

“Don’t let him bother you, he's a dick,” MJ shot Sasha a smile.

“Sasha, right? We have English and Physics together?”

“Yeah, how are you?” Sasha always had some trouble making conversation with people.

The girls chatted for a moment before they sat with Ned and Peter. To say Ned was more than happy was an understatement. There wasn’t a word in the English language that could describe how thrilled he was that Sasha had joined.

“Welcome to the dark side, Sasha Rogers,” Ned said in a kind of creepy way. Sasha laughed as Peter elbowed him.

“Really, welcome Sasha, I really hope you’ll like decathlon,” Peter smiled as he hooked his arm around MJ.

“Did Mr. Garber really do this for me?” The three shrugged their shoulders and Sasha’s question. As far as everybody knew, Mr. Garber didn’t have time anymore after school to host decathlon meetings. So, instead of handing it over to someone else he just asked the school to do a schedule change.

“Alright everybody,” My. Garber walked in, a smile on his face as he saw Sasha with Peter, Ned, and MJ. “Let’s get started!”

Two weeks had gone by since Sasha joined decathlon. Even though she would never admit it to Ned and Mr. Garber, she was so happy she got to be a part of it. She never ended up telling her father anything. Her father always tried to keep her sheltered and she did understand why, but these people that she’s met, they make her so happy.

“Now I know I usually wait until after our first competition, but I have some exciting news!” Mr. Garber announced. “I would like to tell you all where Nationals are being held this year!” The class began to stomp their feet in a drumroll-esque way.

“Pack your bags, kids, because we are heading to….. Washington D.C.!” The kids cheered as Sasha joined in.

“Now, I’m passing out permission slips and I need them back ASAP. There’s a long weekend this time around so we will leave Thursday after school and be back Sunday evening,” Sasha frowned and raised her hand.

“Mr. Garber, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it,” the kids started to groan.

“Of course you can’t. I figured as much that you wouldn’t. What’s this excuse now? Daddy needs to get a new leash for you,” Flash snapped and MJ whacked him on the back of the head.

“Flash, don’t make me suspend you like Sophomore year,” Mr. Garber snapped.

“Sash, let’s talk more about that after shall we?”

Sasha explained that her father wouldn’t approve of her going away for such a long time. Steve never really let any of the kids go anywhere. God forbid it he found out Sasha wanted to sleep out somewhere.

“Do you want me to talk to your dad? I can tell him they’ll be a female teacher coming along with us. You can also bunk with MJ if that makes you feel comfortable,” Sasha appreciated the sentiment, but it didn’t matter.

“Mr. Garber, I really don’t want to let you or this team down, but I know my dad, he’ll say no,” Sasha was sad and Mr. Garber really felt bad for her.

“How about this, why don’t you talk to your father first. Try and butter him up to the idea, then we can worry about later,” Sasha walked out of the room and tried not to cry. She really wanted to go.

Her phone began to buzz a few times on her way to her next class. Since she’s gotten it, Sasha figured out how to silence it and stop it from vibrating. However, she liked to keep it on during school for emergencies.

Hey, dad can’t get you today so I’ll pick you up. xBucky

Sounds good. xSasha

“Hey, there’s my favorite girl,” Sasha smiled as she saw Bucky’s car parked out front.

“Hey, Buck,” Sasha was still sad as she got into the car.

“What’s got you all glum,” Bucky started the car, but did not move.

“It’s nothing, just school.”

“Well, it can’t be “just school” that’s got you so sad. What’s the real problem,” he knew her like a book.

“My class is holding this weekend trip, Thursday night to Sunday night to Washington D.C. and I really want to go,” Bucky sighed.

“And you want to go, but you know dad won’t let you,” he finished and Sasha shook her head.

“I have to think of a way to convince him, but I know he’ll say no. God, I just wish for once he would let me do my own thing. I’m 18 for crying out loud!” Sasha got upset again.

“Hey, there’s no need to get upset. I got an idea,” Bucky knew this plan probably would take a lot of convincing to Steve, but he had to do whatever he could to keep Sasha happy. “I tell dad you’ll be staying over to help out with work and things around the house, but really you’ll be in Washington,” Sasha’s ears perked up at this.

“It’ll never work.”

“Trust me, it will,” Bucky would damn sure make it work.

“He needs to sign my permission slip,” she held out the folded paper.

“Oh give me that,” Bucky took the paper and grabbed a pen and scribbled Steve’s name on it, “See, problem solved. You get your trip and all I have to do is convince daddio you’ll be with me for the weekend.

Sasha couldn’t believe it. Could this actually work? It would take a miracle for her father to agree with Bucky, but she could only hold on for hope. She quickly prayed on the ride back home. Steve has to believe them. Bucky has to make sure of it.

Bucky will make sure of it, he thought. Bucky can’t let her down, they still have so far to go. He’ll be damned if Steve says no. He trusts Bucky enough to have all his children go with him for the summer, so it has to work.

Sasha needed this, she needed to experience a little bit of freedom before graduation. She needs to experience a little bit of life before Steve takes another one’s away.

Tags to be added in comments!!

#dark avengers #dark captain america #dark steve rogers #dark steve rogers x reader #dark Steve rogers fic #dark marvel #dark!marvel #mcudarklibrary #dark!bucky #dark! bucky barnes #dark james barnes #dark! winter soldier

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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Hi! Could you please write about Billy having PTSD/issues with panic at school like having a PTSD episode in class or basketball and Steve helping him get somewhere private and helping him calm him down and having dad Hopper pick him up?

Read on ao3!

The Hawkins police force was surprisingly, well, good.

For small town cops who mainly sat around snarking and smoking, they caught on to the violence in the Hargrove-Mayfield home fast.

Billy was in town no longer than a month before his dad was being placed into custody. He supposed it may have had something to do with a little redhead spitfire and a police chief who spent a few nights a year fighting monsters with the best of ‘em.

But nevertheless, it took a few home visits and one instance of Claudia Henderson witnessing Neil slap Billy in the parking lot behind the gas station for Neil to get arrested.

The rub was, Billy was still a minor, and Hopper didn’t really know if Susan could handle this boy, this 5′10″ ball of muscle and rage.

So he took the kid in.

He had experience in angry kids who were abused their wholes lives, who knew nothing but hurt. So he cleaned out the spare room in the cabin, helped Billy move his few duffle bags in there, his weight racks, his two boxes, just barely unpacked only for him to be moved again.

The first few days, Billy was quiet.

Didn’t really talk to him or El, mostly kept to his room. Not that Hopper didn’t try, it was difficult. El was easy to coax out, with the promise of some Eggos, she’d be wide-eyed and in the kitchen, nearly plastering herself to Hopper’s back as she followed him around, the hungriest little shadow.

Billy would smile tightly at Hop, obviously not trusting his huge stature.

When Billy had moved in, he and El had a talk. They were both going to try their best not to yell, to make loud noises, sudden moves. Hop had seen Billy flinch at cabinet doors being shut too hard, a beer can being crushed. Hop tried his best not to touch the kid without warning after one such incident when he reached out to clap him on the shoulder. Billy had squeezed his eyes shut, his chest heaving, braced for a blow.

El infiltrated before he did.

She asked Billy to help her with her reading. Noticed Billy was always flying through new library books, could demolish books in one sitting. He helped her with word definitions, vocabulary. Hop even came home one night to hear Billy in El’s room, reading to her softly.

Billy became fiercely protective of El very quickly after that. He had asked Hopper about her past, heard about her coming from the lab in general terms from Harrington, but Hop was candid, told him about the abuse, solitary confinement, the forced killing. Billy hardly left her side after that.

That’s another thing that came with Billy; the Harrington brat.

Apparently, at some point in the tunnels, the two had set aside their differences, had become friends even, good enough friends for Hop to come home to find the Harrington brat on his couch, braiding El’s hair, laughing at the television.

Turned out he wasn’t much of a brat as he once had been. Hop figured a brush with The Upside Down could straighten out even the shittiest kid, the kid that would mouth off to Hopper when he found him and his friends doing illegal shit at the quarry, throwing parties and getting into fights.

He now would just kinda, be there. He and Billy would talk quietly to one another, Hop once overheard actual giggles coming from behind Billy’s closed door one night.

And then El decided she liked him too, so it was a done deal.

Hop wasn’t sold on Harrington until December.

Neil’s trial was coming down the pipeline. He had been in custody for some minor charges, but the trial was for the long-term abuse he had been doling out to Billy.

So Billy had to testify. And Billy was a wreck about it.

Hop noticed him drawing into himself as the date came closer and closer. He would lash out sometimes too. Never at him or El or Harrington, but sometimes he would be doing homework and get tripped up a little and throw the textbook, swearing up a storm. He would listen to louder and louder music, would lift weights and chain smoke like nobody Hopper had ever seen.

The most explanation he got was when he heard Billy in his room with Harrington, talking softly through the door about the trial. He heard Harrington tell Billy he was proud of him for standing up, that he was strong. Hop smiled, and agreed with Harrington silently, moving on to plant himself on the couch for a while, the television loud enough he couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation (or when it dissolved into breathy moans).

But Harrington proved himself to Hop the next Wednesday.

It was only three days to the trial. Billy was shaky at best. Steve had been over most nights, had been talking him through his testimonials, practicing with him. When it would be too much for Billy he would coo praise into his hair before distracting him nicely.

But Billy was sitting in class, in his AP Chem lab to be exact, when someone dropped their textbook. The big monster made a loud smacking thud on the tile floor and billy was off.

His breathing was shallow, coming in too rapidly to fill his lungs. He fled the class, ignoring the teacher shouting his name as he all but ran.

He was so lucky to find Steve wandering the halls, swinging the hall pass on his finger as he avoided his English class. He grinned when he saw Billy, the smile giving way to concern when he noticed Billy’s wide eyes, the way his hands shook.

He pulled Billy into the library, shutting the blinds on the study room, the one they designated as theirs after a few too many panic attacks.

Steve could smell a bad one a mile away. He got Billy sitting, planted himself on the table in front of him, careful not to touch, and just, talked.

Billy had told him once that he liked it when Steve just made noise. It gave him something to focus on. Steve would keep his voice soft, delicate, and just rambled on, explaining the plot of some movie Billy didn’t care about in extreme detail. Billy was able to just focus on the sound of his voice, was able to focus on the overwhelming safety he felt when he thought Steve.

It took Steve until the end of the period to get Billy calm enough to head out, collecting Billy’s things from the lab, explaining to the teacher with his most charming smile that billy had fallen ill, a terrible flu causing him to run out and spew in the nearest restroom.

He checked back in with Billy before asking the sweet librarian if he could use the phone, gave her his big eyes and most I am the sweetest boy in the whole world smile he could muster.

He asked for Hopper when the tired secretary picked up with Hawkins Police, how may I direct your call?

Hopper sounded gruff on the phone, chided him for skipping class when Steve said hey Chief, it’s Steve. But he went silent at the mention of Billy’s name. When panic attack and bad one and library cut through, Hop was off the phone and in his truck, sirens on, speeding towards his kid.

He didn’t bother stopping at the office. He was Chief of fucking Police, he didn’t need to check-in or whatever. He found the library quickly, explaining to the woman at the circuit desk that his kid’s friend had called him, that his son was sick.

He checked every study room, opening the doors slowly after a few soft taps, knew sometimes Billy got tense when the doors flew open.

He found them in the last one, the shades on the window drawn. Harrington was perched on the table, talking softly to Billy, stroking through his hair.

Billy was sitting in a chair, his face planted onto Harrington’s leg as he shook. Harrington smiled a little at Hop, just kept talking, kept running his fingers through the curly hair.

“Hey, Kid. I’m gonna check you out for the week. When you’re ready, we can go home.” He hesitated when he moved to put his hand on Billy’s shoulder. Harrington took his wrist, moved Hop’s hand up, gently set his on Billy’s head, replacing where his had been skirting through Billy’s hair.

Hop just set it there gently for a second, giving Steve a thankful smile before pulling back, checking both boys out of school for the week. Figured if Billy was gonna sit tense at home, it may be easier for him if his best friend was there, his best friend that obviously knew exactly what Billy needed in his moments.

So he took them both back to the cabin, let Steve get Billy set up on the couch under a few blankets, sat with them on the armchair through a few episodes of some cartoon none of them were paying much attention to, El sitting on the floor, leaned against Billy’s legs.

Steve hadn’t stopped touching Billy once since Hop had seen them. He was holding Billy’s hand now, his thumb gently rubbing Billy’s skin.

They ate dinner together, Steve chattering away like he did, although he looked a little harder now. What he once thought was a nervous tick on Harrington’s part, was obviously helpful for Billy who would throw Steve looks through his lashes, would stare at him like he hung the stars in the fucking sky.

That was the first moment he realized why the kids called Steve their mom, he took care of people, had been taking care of Billy right under Hop’s nose.

He cornered Steve after Billy went to bed. Offered him a smoke on the porch.

“Kid, tell me about Billy. How do you help him like you do? He doesn’t trust me, which I understand, but if he continues not, then I can’t do shit for him.”

“I mean, he does trust you. He just hasn’t figured you out yet. With his dad, he knew he was angry just from the way he would breathe. He doesn’t quite know what you’re about, if you’re gonna be mad at him for the same shit his dad always was. If he breaks a glass, are you gonna slap him or make sure he didn’t hurt himself? He’s weary. Doesn’t wanna test your limits.”

“But, he knows I wouldn’t hit him, right?”

“He doesn’t know that. The only father he’s ever had slapped him around his whole life, Chief. Now he has you, and you may not have given him a reason to be freaked, but he’s defensive, careful. Doesn’t wanna give you a reason.” He took a drag, making a face at the cigarette. Hop smoked strong stuff, the menthols Steve kept behind his ear were mainly just for show.

“But, if he’s, you know, like he was, how do I help.”

“He likes noise. The first time he had one in front of me, I started nervously talking and doing the dishes and he called it my benign chatter or something. He said he just focuses on the sound of me and because the noise is connected to someone that’s, safe, he feels safe.”

“But, if he doesn’t feel safe with me, how does that work?”

“He feels good with El, maybe she could practice reading aloud to him, or something until he’s there with you.”

“Okay, that could work.”

“And you can’t touch him until he’s ready. He’ll freak if you lay a hand on him. I was sitting there for a long time, but once he put his head on me, that means he wants touch, just soft. He likes his hair being touched a lot.” Hop huffed a bit of a laugh.

“He’s like a scared cat. Exactly like a scared cat.” Steve laughed too.

“It took me a while to figure this shit out, Chief. You’ll get there. He just doesn’t know where he stands a lot of the time. Kinda sees the worst in people. Makes sense, though.” He stamped out the barely smoked cigarette.

“You’re a good kid. Kinda had it out for ya for a while there. But I’m glad he’s got a friend like you.” Steve’s smile was really, odd. He wouldn’t look Hop in the eye, but then again, the kid could never hold eye contact for long. Hop kinda got the feeling Billy wasn’t the only one with some father issues.

“Uh, thanks, Chief. I should, uh, I should get home I guess. I’ll tell Bill I’m going.”

Hop stayed on the porch, mulling over what Steve had said.

Steve headed inside, kissed Billy goodnight and promised to be over tomorrow, pulled on one of Billy’s jackets and leaned over, muttering at him you’re safe here, Bill before giving him one more kiss.

Hop came home early the next few days, always walking in to find Billy and Steve pressed against one another on the couch, El usually pressed to Billy’s other side while they all watched t.v.

Steve waited outside the courthouse during the trial, hugged Billy tight when he came racing out, whooping and yelling the bastard’s goin’ to the slammer, Pretty Boy!

They all ate ice cream for dinner, the rest of the brats celebrating along with Max. Billy even hugged Hopper, briefly and with one arm, and went right back to Steve’s side after, but it was a start, and Hopper liked where this was leading.

#harringrove #yikes writes #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargrove #dad hopper #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

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thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild · 3 years

Text

The question is inevitable. I stop wiping down the ice cream equipment and look up. For the past two years, that’s all anyone’s ever asked me. Now as I sit here, I realize that by this time next year, I’ll be preparing to move. By this time next year, the question “what do you want to study?” will be answered. The thought of growing up and going to college has always been in the back of my mind, but it always seemed far off. Now as my boss asks me the same question I’ve been asked a million times, the answer doesn’t just feel real; it feels tangible.

“I want to hopefully study something in the arts,” I reply. “I’m hoping to study to then get a job as a concept artist for movies and TV shows.”

"Well, you know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m three years old. I’m sitting at the kitchen table with white printer paper spread out all over the place. Half of the sheets are filled and the other half to go. My tongue sticks out in determined concentration as I finish what feels like my fiftieth self portrait today. I’m still not happy with how the hair looks, but I’m getting better with every one I make.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m eight years old. I wait nervously outside the classroom in the aquatic and community center for my first ever real drawing class. I wait until the door opens and file in behind the rest of my peers into the classroom. I find a spot a little further away from everyone else. Once the teacher begins instructing us on how to draw the basic construction of a horse, I immerse myself into the lecture. Soon enough my anxiety melts away as I immerse myself in the drawing. By the end, I’m not quite satisfied with how my horse looks, but I look forward to the next day. There’s still three more days of camp, and I’m ready to get even better tomorrow.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m twelve years old. I’m sitting with what feels like my entire body sunken into an overly plush floral print couch. I watch as Mrs. Scalabrino, a family friend, teaches me how to make a magic loop with the yarn and crochet hook. “I’ve been doing it all wrong! Now I finally understand!” Deb hands me the yarn and hook and urges me to try myself.

This time, instead of having the hook slip through and make a tiny slip stitch, I loop the yarn though and then pull through a final time to create a stitch.

“I did it! I was doing it wrong!”

“It looks very good! Keep going and you’ll be making full projects in no time!” I smile at her compliment and keep practicing.

By the end of the afternoon, I have a long rectangle of clumsily made single and double crochet stitches, but I don’t mind. I’m proud of my lumpy, uneven, handmade rectangle.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m thirteen years old. It’s my first time at Blue Lake Fine Arts camp, and I’m taking my first pottery class. I’m carefully carrying my freshly reglazed pot to the back room of the pottery studio after fixing it for a second time. The first time it got damaged I had dropped it after molding the structure and the second time someone else bumped into me, messing up the glaze and sgraffito pattern and glazing in multiple places. I stayed after class during my recreation time and painstakingly remolded and fixed the intricate glazing pattern.

At the end of the session art show, I’m called to the front of the crowd of visiting parents and my fellow campers. I’ve just won the Outstanding camper scholarship. My cheeks flush furiously with embarrassment, but inside I’m also elated. Even though the pot wasn’t perfect. I was still proud of it. I worked hard to save and fix the pot twice broken, and for once, that work pays off. I look out and see the faces of everyone who was with me on the journey to complete the piece, and I know that that pot will always be more than a keepsake planter.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m fifteen years old. I lay in bed before my first day of high school. I should be worried about my academic classes, and I am. I can’t stop thinking about the homework for my double paced math class and honors biology, and the more advanced reading we’ll do in honors english this year.

I console myself by thinking about the art class that I’m going to take. By chance there was a scheduling conflict with my social studies credit, and there wasn’t a spot to fit it in. I’d have to test out of the class over the summer, but that meant that I could take Art 1 instead. I stay up and wonder what it will be like. Will it be like my art classes in middle school? Will I finally be able to try oil painting? What about ceramics?

I drift off to sleep anxious, but ready to try all new mediums and make more; to be able to create amongst all the chaos that comes with advanced academic studies.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

I’m sixteen years old. I’m almost finished with what was supposed to be my sophomore year, but because of the pandemic, quarantine has made the past month of march even more grey and dreary than normal. The trees outside droop with the heaviness of the recent freezing rain and the sky is a somber grey. I stare absentmindedly at my computer screen waiting for my last zoom meeting of the day to end.

I return to my painting once I log off of our AP Art zoom. I glare at the canvas in front of me. I hate this piece. Even the dull grey color palette outside seems more appetizing than the same oranges and blues that I’ve stared at for the past three months. It’s the feeling in the pit of the stomach when you don’t feel particularly welcome and you know something is off. The dynamic is all wrong and you infuriatingly search the faces of the people there for an answer but to no avail.

I sigh and start to reach for my paints to force myself to push through to a solution, but set them down. “There has to be another way to get through this,” I say to myself as I open my sketchbook against my better judgement. After a quick image reference search, My pencil migrates from the jar to the page. I don’t worry about making it perfect. This piece is just for me.

I sketch out the figures of the boy and girl and boy in the photo, their arms intertwined in an embrace and their lips in a gentle kiss. I make sure her thumb just skims the length of his forearm and that his hand is placed just so on her waist. I step back. We’re getting somewhere.

Long since abandoned for my previous acrylic piece, my colored pencils feel slippery and foreign in my hand. I reach for the tan and brown colored pencils to start, but the bright fuschia red catches my eye. I cautiously begin to apply it to the girl’s face and neck area. Perfect. I don’t stop until the shadows crossing the girl’s face are all shades of pink and red and the boys silhouette is coated in deep blues. What next?

My watercolor palette sits just inches from my paints. I open it and observe my options. I water down a bright pink, an ocean blue, and my untouched cake of deep purple watercolor. I haphazardly splash the pink on one side and the blue on the other, applying purple to blend the area where the two seas of paint mix. I remember an old painters trick of using salt to make cool backgrounds, and apply a generous amount. The scissors come out next, and I delicately cut the form of the girl and boy out. I paste it right on the background and let it sit under a book overnight to press.

In the morning, I observe my work. It’s not perfect. The proportions on the girl’s arm are off and I never quite managed to capture the folds on the boy’s shirt, but I smile. I love it. This is my piece. No one told me to make this. I just did. It’s for me.

My abandoned assignment sits waiting on the other side of the table. I look at it again. This time I do see what’s missing. Like I did while I was working with the pencil, I need to add more depth. That’s why I hate it. That’s why it felt flat and boring. I set my new opus aside and reach for the beaten up acrylic brushes and paint tubes.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

The computer screen finally loads. I'm exhausted and have just returned from a missions trip to the Dominican Republic, but in my blissful sleep back in my own bed, I'd remembered that AP scores had come out while I was away. The three numbers I've waited for loom in front of me:

AP Spanish Language: 5

AP Language and Composition: 4

AP Studio Art: 4

A four.

I stare in disbelief at the screen. I'd expected a three at best. I rush to tell my parents.

“You know art can be just a hobby, right?”

***

"Yeah, I know," I respond. "But it's so much more than that to me."

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natsumebookss · 3 years

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Io Asteria Voice Lines

Next up's Io, the last member of my main three Nebula girls! Let me know if you want to see lines for the others! (I can't promise all nine for fear of clogging this blog with Nebula content, but Stelle and Phea are definitely priority ones.). Enjoy!

Self-Introduction 1: The name's Io Asteria. I just came here for intel, so don't get too used to me. With any luck, I'll be outta here before you know it, so don't you dare give me a reason to miss this place, okay?

Self-Introduction 2: Hello, honored citizen. I am Io Asteria and I am most pleased to meet your--gyah, don't you dare walk in on me when I'm trying to practice my professional introductions! I swear I'll fucking kill you if this happens again!

(Note: Io is the daughter of the Manufacturer and one of Olympia's three current presidents. Since the Manufacturer kidnapped her and faked her death when she was very young, she wasn't really raised in a presidential household and...it shows. Hence why she works on looking more "polished" to the public now that they know she's alive.)

Personal Story

Story Chapter End 1: The Firebrands...they've gotta be the best path to my revenge, right?

Story Chapter End 2: If I'm a mad princess who kills for what she wants...what stopped me from killing her?

(Note: Io did not take the Actress revelation well at all and it was frankly a miracle she didn't Witch out then and there. She did, however, mercilessly attack the Manufacturer, and since he's her father and people didn't know the full story, the Actresses at Star Corporations assume she's some kind of madwoman. She starts to assume this herself until another magical girl, Xing, confronts her for trying to join the Firebrands. Xing asks Io if she can really kill her, since she's one of the Firebrands' biggest enemies. Io doesn't, which makes her question if she really is who the rumors make her out to be.)

Story Chapter End 3: Valvi-nee's the only family I've got now, so I've gotta fight for us to stay together!

Story Select 1: How the hell can I not hate my father? He started all this!

Story Select 2: I'll do whatever it takes to get back to them.

Story Select 3: If it's for the ones I love, I don't care what I've gotta do!

Story Select 4: I'm sorry, Xing. I guess I can't be a Firebrand after all.

Story Select 5: Is it normal to hate someone enough to try to kill them?

Story Select 6: Your gang captured my friend, so you ain't getting off that easy!

Stats

Strengthening Complete: My lasers are all fired up and ready for action!

Strengthening Max: I'm so strong now, I could vaporize a Firebrand just for lookin' at me! Relax, I'm kidding!

Episode Level Up: I'm Nebula through and through, past alliances be damned!

Magia Level Up: If only my father could see how strong I am now. I bet I could almost convince him to put a stop to all this with enough magic.

Magical Release 1: I'll never stop bein' amazed at how generous Valvi-nee is. She should hate me after everything my family's done to hers.

Magical Release 2: Back when I was out on the streets homeless, she took care of me. Even once she found out I was a dirty Tsukimura...

Magical Release 3: God knows I couldn't forgive like that. That's why she deserves a happy life more than any of us. Certainly more than me.

Awaken 1: This is where the Manufacturer came from. These magical girls inspired him to make us. That's why I gotta fight for them!

Home Screen

Login (first login): The Actress name my father gave me was "Altesse," or "highness" to you. I ditched it and became Chevalier as soon as I found out I didn't wanna be the one being saved. I might not be a kind knight, but I'll protect ya all the same.

Login (morning): School is so pointless when you're an Actress like me. I mean, what're they gonna do, make me write 2000 words on the horrors of war when I was made to be part of all that? Valvi-nee'll kill me if I skip, though.

Login (noon): Why aren't I sitting with anyone? All the rich girls at Mizuna are way outta my wheelhouse 'cause I was raised to be a warrior instead of an heiress. Maybe I should try some of the regular gals who tested in instead.

Login (evening): Wait, is that actually a video store over there? I should probably be getting back, but I gotta check it out. These things all closed by the time I escaped Star Corporations, and 'sides, I still haven't decided what movie I'm gonna watch tonight.

Login (night): Hey, you goin' to the midnight premiere of that horror movie in a few hours? I swear, the franchise is so bad, but I've always gotta be the first to see them. Even a student director like me could do better than that!

Login (other): Leo-nii volunteers at a hospital and was born with healing magic, so he helps us out a lot on cases. I get that both presidential kids couldn't up and leave the country, but I miss him so much already.

Login (AP full): I might be neutral, but I ain't sitting out when it comes to Actress work. Stelle and Valvi-nee need all the Soul Gems they can get, and I like takin' out Witches anyway. Anything to keep me from going at some of the shady magical girls in town.

NOTE: Io really, really hates Promised Blood and Neo-Magius due to the former's status as a Firebrand-like magical girl gang and the latter's association with the Wings of the Magius (whose brainwashing techniques she opposes most of all since her friend Stelle was brainwashed for many years). Of the Nebula members, Io has come the closest to breaching the neutrality contract, since her and Juri being in the same room together practically guarantees that a fight will break out between them.

Login (BP full): Can the Mirror Witch really make copies of anything? Even your past selves? 'Cause when I think about the girl I was back then and how I believed all my father's lies, I just wanna throttle her! Maybe I'll finally get the chance!

Tap 1: There's that cheesecake shop they were talking about... Valvi-nee wanted caramel and Koto wanted mint. I told Koto I didn't want anything to do with that nasty stuff, but whatever. I'm feeling nice today.

Tap 2: People always tell me I get mad real easy, but that ain't the case. Just don't hurt my friends or call me by my father's name, and you're good. Can't say what'll happen to you if you call me Io Tsukimura, though.

Tap 3: Surprised to see me in a Mizuna uniform? I pulled some strings to get in. Mizuna can brag about havin' a president's daughter, and they'll write me one hell of a reference letter for film school. I ain't proud of it, but that's how it's done, y'know?

Tap 4: Mom and Leo-nii just found out about me a few months ago, and it's already leaked all over. The lost First Daughter, alive all this time and all that. Don't get me wrong, having them back is awesome but...I'm just glad the paparazzi aren't breathing down my neck here.

Tap 5: Every rebel leader from the movies gotta have a bruiser to back him up, and I don't mind playing that role. If it's what I have to do to keep Valka and Omega out of trouble, then consider it done.

Tap 6: My wings retract when I'm not in Actress form, so looking human is super annoying. I wanna stretch them out all the time, but all the "out" Actresses at my old school went Firebrand. They kept pestering me so damn much that I just go to school like this now.

Tap 7: "You're a light Actress like her. If you killed the Valkaine Project, you'd be at the top of the food chain." That was the last thing that Firebrand said to me before she hit the pavement. Just hearing that made my blood boil so hard, the other Nebula girls had to tear me off her.

Tap 8: Tsukuyo and I hang out sometimes. I never thought I'd find someone in Kamihama who went through the same stuff as me, so it's nice getting tips from her on the whole estranged twin thing. I'm still gonna make sure she loosens up a ton by the time I leave, though!

NOTE: I have a whole semi-event planned in my head where Io finds out about Tsukuyo's secret and asks her for advice. She kinda intimidates Tsukuyo a bit at first (a callback to her interrogation in the Endless Solitude arc), but they eventually become odd friends. The rest of the event consists of Io taking Tsukuyo out of her comfort zone, trying to get her to rebel more, etcetera. I also feel like she'd be good friends with Kyoko.

Tap 9: I--I can't go over there...there are too many people. You have to get me out of here! *clears throat and attempts to return to her normal personality*. You gotta understand, I don't do crowds. Back at Star Corporations, I was a special experiment kept under complete isolation and...God, you gotta get me outta here right now!

Battle Start: Oh, they're askin' for it now! C'mon!

Battle Victory 1: Ha! They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't even stop to think if they should!

NOTE: Yes, this is meant to be a Jurassic Park reference. Io is that much of a movie nerd, and fully intends on screaming the actual quote at her father the minute they meet again.

Battle Victory 2: All right, everyone's safe! Now I just gotta make sure the enemy's completely withdrawn.

Battle Victory 3: If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Doppel: We're finally together, Mom.

Dying: You'll never win in the end!

NOTE: I spent a long time trying to phrase this before remembering the She-Ra theme and figuring a negative version of it would flow best.

#magia record #premiere nebula

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meetthetank · 4 years

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Cruciamen Prelude: Yesterday was Better

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M, Other Fandom: NieR: Automata (Video Game) Relationships: 2B/9S (NieR: Automata), A2/A4 (NieR: Automata) Characters: 2B (NieR: Automata), 9S (NieR: Automata), A2 (NieR: Automata), A4 (NieR: Automata) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, genre typical violence, On the Run, Monster of the Week, 9S is a half demon, 2B and A2 are shapeshifter Dragons, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut in the future, inaccurate depictions of medical procedures Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25104214/chapters/60817186

Summary: After the arrest, torture, and botched execution of 9S, he and the dragoness 2B set out for a hidden village of peaceful demons far to the north. In addition to the countless dangers that lie around every corner, something pursues the duo across the world. Their bond will be tested not only by demons, poachers, and a giant mutant ape, but by each other as well. Meanwhile, a vagrant searches the forgotten corners of the world for vengeance.

Book 2 of 5

A/N: And so it begins

2B’s obsidian eyes pan back and forth across the entrance of the small cave she rests in. Any movement, even the twitching of a squirrel, has her head whipping back and forth. She curls her long, feathered body around a shivering soldier. The young man whom she had ripped from his home, whom she mated with, whom she killed innocent people for. Though innocent might be too strong a word for those who had condemned this boy for the crime of existence. They were bound to their duty. She couldn’t blame them for that; it wasn’t their fault that they were in her way. Yet for their crime of complacency in the face of injustice, she pushes the guilt from her mind.

She already has her burdens to bear.

A curious fawn receives the fright of its short life when it pokes its snout into the cave entrance only to come face to beak with 2B. She snarls at the little creature out of reflex and can’t help but feel a little bad when it bounds away to the comfort of its mother, (which bolts as soon as the fawn does) but she can’t be too careful. Not while those who lived are sure to seek revenge on the broken boy she now protects. The half demon scout, 9S.

It makes 2B’s blood boil thinking about what the people of Vigo had done to him. After saving their city, homes, and families, they had tortured him and sentenced him to death. If it hadn't been for the quick planning of Jackass the lieutenant, he would be dead. His head would have hung from the city gates with the rest of the half-demons who had shared his fate.

This once proud and valiant soldier now lies curled into a pitiful ball tucked safely beneath her wings. He hisses or cries out in pain whenever his weeping burns or open wounds brush against the ground or 2B’s scales. It amazes her that 9S remains unconscious despite the agony he must be in.

9S’ arms wrap around his chest as shivers wrack his thin body, his nails puncturing several blisters on his shoulder. Clear, watery pus oozes from the burns that are already red and swollen from infection. Even though his demonic blood allows him to recover from injuries quicker than normal, the wounds he suffers now are too much for his powers to bear.

A low whine escapes 2B’s beak as she nudges his arms away from his body. With gentleness ill befitting a warrior she gently licks the burns and angry red gashes that mar his pale skin. In moments the redness fades from the smaller wounds, but the larger ones only seep more blood and pus after being cleaned. 9S whimpers as her rough tongue scrapes across the sensitive skin of his shoulder. The lightest brush of her feather beard against blisters makes him wince.

His eyes open slowly, fighting against the blood and crust that cake his eyelids shut. His sclera are red and irritated, much like his infected wounds. 9S’ golden eyes listlessly search for something to focus on, moving from 2B’s eyes, to her feathers, claws, and beak.

“T….Tw….2B?” he whispers, his voice straining from the pain.

She leans her snout into his hands, nuzzling into his touch as gently as she can.

His eyes fill with tears as he starts to shudder. “T-...Two-..Be...2B…..,” 9S sobs. He clings to her snout with frail arms.

2B shifts herself around so that her wings shield his body from the cold of the cave and lets out a warm huff of air over him. His whole body quakes as he sobs onto her muzzle, his soft whimpers echoing against the stone.

“I-...I thought you- I was so-... s-scared...I-I thought yo-u woud-n’t...T-that I was-s....”

2B lets out a low growl like her mother used to do when she was a nestling. The sound makes her body rumble, and though she has no idea if it helps 9S or not, his breathing does start to even out. His sobs quiet to the occasional hiccup and ragged breath as he clings to 2B like a frightened child.

Once 9S’ grip weakens 2B licks at his wounds again, testing to see if the pain is too much for him to bear. He doesn’t wince or cry when her tongue brushes against the weeping skin, so she continues until the bleeding stops.

“2B…” he says weakly.

She looks at him with pitch black eyes that betray little emotion, but a single warbling sound indicates her concern.

“Thank you.”

2B presses the end of her beak against the unburnt parts of his chest and curls her tail around them both. She resumes her rumbling once 9S wraps his arms around her snout once again. He drifts off again, curled in the safety of 2B’s embrace. His breathing is still ragged, but softer and more even than before. She relaxes just a touch, confident that everything in the area got the hint to stay away from this cave.

Unfortunately the moment 2B relaxes enough to close her eyes something disturbs the pebbles near the cave entrance. She instinctively bares her teeth, but the only thing of concern is a pudgy raven. It studies 2B with inscrutable eyes before flying off in a flash of black feathers. Idly, she wonders if humans interpret this as an omen of good fortune as well. She’ll have to remember to ask 9S when he wakes next.

Her ears pick up the sounds of the raven’s distinctive quark, which alone gives her a strange sense of comfort, but the sounds that follow make her feathers stand on end. Footsteps. Two sets of footsteps. Someone praising the raven for finding their target quickly.

With as much gentleness as she can manage, 2B drags 9S to the back of the cave and obscures him as much as possible. She stands with her legs and wingarms far apart, using the large feathers on her wings to shroud 9S in shadows. Her beak opens slowly and a roar begins to rumble in her chest. The footsteps draw near and 2B digs her claws into the dirt. Her muscles tense, eyes narrow…

The moment the silhouettes of two humans approach the cave’s entrance 2B erupts forward, letting out the most intimidating hiss she can muster. She swipes her claws inches from the shadows and gnashes her teeth at them. It’s a threat display, but only a coatyl would understand the complex body language she puts forward. There's a very slim chance that these figures were her kind.

“Whoa whoa! 2B!” a figure yells, “2B, it’s me!”

That light, feminine voice is instantly familiar to her. 2B blinks rapidly to force her eyes to adjust to the change in light. Two women with blonde hair, one of whom has a raven perched on her arm, stand at the entrance of the cave. The shorter woman, who 2B now recognizes as her childhood friend 6O, boldly rushes forward once 2B visibly relaxes.

“You dumb bird!” 6O shouts as she throws her arms around 2B’s neck, “You almost bit me!”

2B bows her heavy head in shame as 6O frets over her.

“Are you hurt? You’re okay right? Didn’t get hit by any stray arrows?” she says while searching through as many of 2B’s feathers as she can reach.

“She’s fine.” 21O says, pushing past 2B and 6O. “Where is he?” Her cold, professional voice has the smallest waver to it.

With a low huff, 2B backs up and lifts up one of her wings to reveal the shivering body of 21O’s son.

“Oh gods…” she whispers with wide eyes that quickly fill with tears. All shreds of her stony facade fall by the wayside as she kneels beside 9S, cradling his head in her lap. “Oh, my boy… My baby boy, what have they done to you…” she sobs.

“M…” 9S whimpers, “Mom…” He curls into 21O, clinging to her like a frightened infant. “Mom...I was so scared...Mom…I th-thought I was gonna...”

“Ssshh...It’s okay,” 21O coos to her son, smoothing his bloodstained hair with a free hand. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. You’re safe. No one can hurt you here.”

Both 2B and 6O back away from mother and son. Even 6O seems as uncomfortable as she and 2B watch someone so calm and composed sob so strongly. 2B bows her head low enough for 6O to place a comforting hand on top, both women feeling a small relief from the gesture.

They let 21O have her moment with her son, but after a tense few minutes 6O has to step forward. “21O?”

21O takes a shuddering breath, “Yes, right.” she says as she helps 9S sit up, “Don’t worry. 6O is going to help you. Everything is going to be okay.” She reluctantly shuffles, allowing 6O to bear some of 9S’ weight.

“Okay, put the blanket beneath him and help me lie him back down.” 6O commands.

2B shrinks back from the three of them. She’s only seen 6O go to work a few times in the past, but she recognizes the tone in her voice. If she didn’t know any better she would have thought that 21O and 6O had switched places. It frightens her in a strange way, being this useless. The most she can do is keep watch over the entrance of the cave.

9S hisses through his teeth when his back touches the blanket. Even the wool can’t soften the stones of the cave floor when they dig into his burnt skin. 21O

“Right,” 6O says with a quick sigh and begins emptying her bag of supplies and lying them out beside her, “first we need to clean, suture, and dress these larger lacerations. 21O I need you to mix these two plants into a salve while I clean him up.”

6O takes a thin, well-used rag, and wets it with some water from the skin on her hip. She goes over each cut, scrape, and infected wound methodically and intently, making sure each one is free of pus and blood before moving on to the next. There are some that give her pause and make her brows knit together in worry. Those look to be the deepest and most infected of the lot. Once mashed into the proper consistency, she instructs 21O to rub the salve over the smaller cuts.

9S sucks in a pained breath and his whole body tenses up as soon as the salve touches his open wounds. Just the fumes of the thick, oil-like plant matter make 2B’s eyes water. The memory of the salve on scrapes and cuts of her own is fresh enough in her mind; its acrid smell and agonizing sting burns in her mind just as it did on her body. It’s unfortunate that this concoction can only cleanse the wounds of infection and impurities, for all the pain it causes. The red, swollen wounds seem to boil the moment the salve makes contact, turning the skin a milky white color. 9S grits his teeth as the infections are burnt away by the salve.

Once the cloth is thoroughly soaked in blood and puss, 6O tosses it aside for bandages, a spool of thread, and a needle. She quickly sews the largest of 9S’ lacerations shut, apologizing each time he squirms and cries out when the needle pierces his skin.

“Keep still. You really don't want me to mess these up,” she says as 9S begins to squirm with discomfort. “They’re going to scar, but not as badly if you let me do this right. Don’t make me have to get 2B to hold you down.”

With deft hands 6O sews a zig-zag pattern into 9S, closing up the largest of his wounds within seconds. First the gash on his forehead left by a stone, then the broken stitches that still linger across his chest. She snaps her fingers at 21O, wordlessly commanding her friend to assist in properly dressing the wounds with clean, crisp bandages. The smaller cuts are cleaned and wrapped with the cloth bandages as well, but without being sewn shut. Splotches of blood ooze out and stain the dressings a dark red.

“Alright, help me flip him over.” 6O commands both 21O and 2B.

2B finds use, finally. She lowers her beak down to 9S, allowing him to grip onto her feathers while 6O and his mother maneuver him onto his stomach without putting too much strain on his body. All of them wince along with 9S when the burns on his back come into view.

What isn’t red and swollen is white and dead or shades of sickly green and purple. There are spots that swell into blisters full of clear pus and patches of skin scorched black. 2B swears she sees pieces of flesh crumble to ash as 6O brushes her fingers across his back.

“Gods...this is bad,” 6O mutters, “there’s parts that are infected already…”

“What can be done?” 21O asks, a noticeable waver in her voice.

“Plenty.” 6O’s eyes spark with determination.

2B can barely keep up with the instructions 6O passes to 21O. A slurry of plants, some of which ooze a thick clear liquid, and water are placed into a clay bowl. 21O dutifully grinds down the ingredients into a salve, never once taking her eyes off her son.

6O gently prods parts of 9S’ back, asking each time if he can feel anything. He whimpers a soft “yes” when she pokes the angry red portions, but the dark and white sections earn no response. 6O’s brow furrows, and though she doesn’t have the extensive knowledge 6O does, 2B knows what 9S’ reactions, or lack thereof, mean. The nerves in his shoulder are dead.

“Right…” 6O mutters, taking the bowl from 21O, “This will calm the infections and make you feel better but...there’s nothing I can do to keep this from scarring as bad as it will.”

A lump forms in 2B’s throat. She’s never seen scars as something to be ashamed of, or something that takes from a person’s attractiveness. Quite the contrary actually; in her younger days she found herself daydreaming about warriors flaunting scars of their past battles like trophies. This is different. This isn’t the memory of a victory, this is a brand of hate, one that he’ll carry for the rest of his life.

21O instructs her son to breath evenly through the pain as 6O massages the salve into the burns. Even 2B has to look away whenever a blister bursts open from the pressure, but 9S’ cries are something she can’t escape from. He buries his head in his mother’s embrace, trying to cry but not having the strength to do more than wheeze. A strange mixture of sadness and rage boils in 2B’s chest at the sight. She digs her talons into the dirt as if it will help.

It feels like hours to 2B till 6O finally scrapes the last of the salve out of her bowl. She can only imagine what it must be like for 9S, but she keeps silently repeating that it’s for the best. Better the agony now than a prolonged death later.

There’s a brief sigh of relief that crosses both 6O’s and 21O’s face once their task is done, but it vanishes in an instant. Their gaze settles on the injury of 9S’ that they have been dreading. His warped, twisted left leg. From his knee down, the leg bends to the right before it tapers off in a desperate attempt to correct itself. A section in the middle of his calf is red and swollen, but not alarmingly so. With her limited knowledge of medicine 2B isn’t sure exactly what is wrong, but she knows something is. Obviously legs aren’t supposed to bend like that outside of the knee.

6O’s eyes are fierce, but her hesitant hands betray her true thoughts. 21O covers her mouth with her hand, her grey-blue eyes beginning to water once again.

“Right…” 6O says, her gaze downcast as she searches through her pouch, eventually retrieving a small, white tablet out of a cloth bag. There’s a bit of embroidery on the bag that 2B can’t make out, aside from the letter ‘W’.

“Nines,” she places a hand on 9S’ good shoulder, “I need you to turn over and swallow this.”

With the help of 21O and 2B, 9S rolls over to his back. Before he has a chance to get his bearings again, 6O all but shoves the white tablet into his mouth followed by the spout of her waterskin. 9S sputters and chokes at the first few gulps but with trial and error manages to swallow a few mouthfuls of water, along with the medicine.

“It’s…” 9S coughs, “bitter…”

“Just lie back and relax. Let me know when your stomach starts to itch, okay?”

“ ‘Kay…” 9S obeys without questioning 6O’s strange instructions. His eyes loll from his mother, to 2B, and back again. 21O gently lifts his head and places it in her lap, taking one of his hands in both of hers. To 2B’s surprise, 9S buries the fingers of his free hand into her feathers. He clumsily grasps at them like a frightened cub, and 2B feels...something in her chest. A strange feeling she can’t quite place.

21O stifles a gasp, breaking 2B out of her thoughts. They watch as, to both their horror, 6O produces a smaller version of a carpenter’s saw from her bag.

“I… I’m sorry but…” 6O sighs as she touches 9S’ twisted leg, testing for something 2B can’t see, “His demon blood helps him recover from injuries a lot faster than a normal human.” She points to the gashes that she had sewn shut only minutes ago. “See? It takes days for a wound that size to produce scar tissue. But that means… when his leg was broken… it… the sped up healing made it set wrong.”

Sad green eyes betray the pain that her professional tone hides. “...I have to re-break his leg.”

Grim realization hits 2B worse than she expects. The tablets, the saw… She’s seen her fair share of violence, she’s killed men before, but this… It makes bile rise in her throat.

9S’ grip on her feathers tighten, though he pries his other hand away from his mother’s to scratch at his exposed stomach.

“21O,” 6O says, “Can you put the leather strap in his mouth for me?”

Wordlessly, 21O obeys. She wedges the thick leather between her son’s teeth, his bright golden eyes slowly moving from person to person. His chest rises and falls slower and slower, but his eyes remain open.

6O chews on her lower lip. “His body must be diluting the effects.”

“Is it safe for him to have more?” 21O asks.

“No, not with that high of a dosage...I…” Her grip on the saw’s handle tightens as she searches 9S’ leg for the source of the deformity. “We can’t wait any longer.”

2B grinds the tips of her beak together as 6O places the saw’s teeth against 9S’ soft, pale flesh. He doesn’t flinch at the touch of the cold metal. The first stroke of luck they’ve had all day. 2B lowers her head down onto 9S’ stomach, replacing his view of the coming mutilation with one sorrowful black eye. She likes to think there’s something grateful in his lazy, unfocused expression. Unfortunately, her other eye can see the moment the saw’s serrated blade cuts into his flesh.

The metal teeth easily carve through his skin. It only takes one push from 6O for the saw to tear into red cords of muscle and the thin, white layer of fat. 9S gasps, but 2B doesn’t hear pain in his breath. She can’t imagine the sensations he must be feeling, of having his leg carved into without the agony. A defiant hope soars in her chest, that maybe this won’t be as torturous for him--and her--as she thought.

6O pulls the saw back, dragging frayed muscle fibers with it. She pushes it forward, tearing through strings of connective fat. 9S winces and hisses through the leather strap, but he seems to handle it as if it were a moderate discomfort. Sometimes he closes his eyes for a moment or two, only for 6O to shift the saw blade in a way that jolts him awake.

Then, just as both doctor and patient were falling into a tense rhythm, the saw comes to a halt with a horrid cracking sound. 9S jolts upright, groaning in barely restrained agony. His teeth grind against the strap in his mouth as his eyes screw shut and his body spasms. 21O wraps her arms around her son’s body to keep him from thrashing too much.

The breaking bone sounds like a brittle twig being crushed over and over again. It takes all of 2B’s strength to keep her head still despite hearing and seeing small shards of bone fly out of 9S’ ruined leg. 21O fights back tears along with her son, and 6O remains as grim faced as any warrior 2B had ever seen. She has to shut her eyes to maintain her position, but the creaking and cracking, the groaning...It’s too much for her to watch.

A final deafening crack and 6O slumps forward suddenly. 9S lets out a long, awful noise that's muffled by the leather strap. Even still, it’s a sound that echoes against the cave walls, amplifying it to deafening levels.

And still 6O persists.

2B keeps her eyes shut, focusing on 9S’ labored breathing and 21O’s gentle ministrations. She tries not to listen to the sick noises the saw makes as it tears apart the space between his two leg bones. She tries not to hear the awful grinding the teeth make against the second bone, or the way 9S sobs sound so tired and empty now. The worst is the fact that there’s nothing she can do but hold her head there and obscure the view from him. There’s no demon to throw herself in front of, no daring rescue. The damage has already been done, and all she can do is sit and hope that what she’s doing is enough.

Suddenly, with one last shifting of his body, it’s over. As soon as 2B hears the wet, sickening sound of fat and muscle being moved she opens her eyes. 6O withdraws the saw in one fluid motion and casts it onto the dirt. 9S’ jaw goes slack, his whole head goes slack. 21O holds him upright, gently slapping his face to keep him awake at least partially. She calls out his name whenever he starts to falter. 2B feels her heart thunder in her chest when she sees his eyes roll into the back of his head only for them to reappear seconds later. The next time it happens she shifts her head on his lap and nudges his chest with her beak as a small gesture of comfort (and so she doesn’t have to look at the inside of his bones).

His tired, golden eyes lock onto hers. Something unspoken passes between them, but what exactly that is escapes 2B. She never was good at understanding the complexities of human body language. There’s a desperation in his eyes, like a cub looking at a sweet fish they’re not allowed to have. A slight smile makes the corners of his lips quirk up before being replaced by pain warping his boyish features again. He groans through the leather strap, his fingers tugging at 2B’s feathers and crushing his mother’s hand.

“Almost done.” 6O reassures, “I’m putting your leg in a splint. A spell or two and it’ll be all over. You just have to stay awake a bit more.”

9S nods but keeps quiet aside from labored breathing.

Both of his hands find their way into 2B’s feathers, his fingers fumbling around with the roots weakly. He accidentally tugs too hard on a fistful, which earns him a low snarl that’s quickly suppressed before he can notice. 21O smooths down his untidy hair now that both her hands are free again. His platinum blonde hair is practically yellow with sweat and grime from his time in the dungeon. 2B can almost hear him complaining for a hot bath.

The cavern fills with a pale green light. 2B whips her head around and 9S whimpers at the sudden loss of her soft feathers. Everything is bathed in green as 6O begins chanting in an intricate, long dead tongue and shaking a bone chime. Her subtle tattoos glow with intensity, starting from her forearms suspended over 9S’ leg and spreading up to her face until her eyes are the same unearthly green.

A presence fills the cavern, one that both 6O and 2B sense, but only 6O can see. It’s old. Very old. It fills their tiny hideaway and coils around the four occupants like a vast serpent, but as thin as bones. The faint sound of creaking joints echoes in her ears whenever it moves. She feels its gaze shift from person, its unseen eyes lingering on 2B long enough to fill her with terror. It returns to its summoner as the green glow comes to a head. 6O places her illuminated hands on either side of the grisly incision.

Beneath the light, 2B watches as bone, sinew, and skin bridge the gap and knit 9S’ leg back together in the proper shape. Mysteries of anatomy unfold before 2B’s ignorant eyes, the finite details of bone marrow and muscle fibers, the intricate network of nerves that spark like lightning, the light jacket of fat that seals everything from the elements, the way his skin builds itself up in layers before capping in uneven scar tissue.

Once satisfied, 6O picks up the bone chime again and resumes her prayers to this entity. With a confident final shake the entity’s presence vanishes, leaving behind the faint scent of stale cinnamon in its wake. As the glow fades from her skin, so too does 6O’s energy. She falls to her hands, her breath heavy and ragged. She takes a deep breath and wipes away the sweat that drips from her forehead.

“Right...we’re done,” she says in between breaths.

With 21O’s help, 9S curls up against 2B’s flank, tucked safely under her wing. His eyes linger on 21O and 6O as the former bustles around picking up the rags and stray rocks from the ground as if this is her new home. 6O’s tired but firm hand on her shoulder makes her stop, and her shoulders drop. She retrieves something long wrapped in thin leathers from the entrance of the cave. When she brings it over to 9S who barely is able to keep his eyes open, the dull brass shaft of his spear is immediately recognizable. As the last piece of leather is pulled away, the blade of the spear glistens with a mirror shine. 2B can see herself in its milky silver reflection, but the moment 21O sets the spear close to her talons, she hisses and reels back from it.

“Ah…” 21O mutters, pulling the weapon away, “Siderite. My apologies.”

Though it has no smell, 2B swears the toxic metal stinks like death. Perhaps it's just the knowledge of how dangerous it is to her kind gives it an illusion of odor. Just a prick has the potential to kill her. How she hadn’t noticed this about 9S’ favored weapon, she wasn’t sure. Maybe she just hadn’t thought to inspect it, or maybe she had been too entranced by its wielder.

She gets up for a moment, just to move herself further away from the deadly metal, but 9S latches onto her feathers with frantic strength. She’s almost pulled back down to the cave floor. His eyes are wide with panic, his chest rising and falling rapidly with ragged wheezes. Somehow he looks more scared of her leaving than when 6O brought out the saw to mutilate his leg. With a reassuring huff, 2B settles back down next to him and covers his legs with her wings.

21O kneels down in front of 9S, taking his trembling hand in hers. “9S...Nines…” she mutters.

“Mom…?” 9S’ voice is hoarse, broken from the strain of the past few days.

“Listen very closely, 9S.” 21O forces her son’s fading focus onto her.

“Mom…” His head lolls to the side, “Mom remember that glove you had? The fancy falconry glove with all the beading on it? The one that got all messed up? That was me… I’m sorry. I used it to clean the latrines… ”

21O laughs a little, but it’s hollow and weak, “It’s okay, son. You were… gods, nine or ten.”

He hiccups, “I meant to tell you sooner… I was scared you’d be mad.”

“Shhh, don’t worry. It’s just an old glove.” she says with a reassuring smile. “You’ve destroyed far more than that. Remember what happened to your room when you were 13?” She and 6O can’t help but laugh at the way 9S tries to hide his face in 2B’s feathers.

9S pouts, but chuckles along with his mother after a moment, only stopping when he remembers that everything hurts. He looks up at 21O with wide, innocent eyes. “When can we...go home?” he asks.

21O winces. “You...you can’t.” She pauses to blink back the tears welling in her eyes, “They’re...The Senate is demanding every soldier submit a blood sample to be tested. They’re trying to root out any more half demons within the ranks.”

9S tries to sit up, but his waning strength only allows him to lean forward. “Wh-...but there’s-...so many…”

“Lieutenant Joanna is on top of it,” 6O interjects. “But...the city guard is going to be looking for you. And 2B. White… The Commander made the call to…” 6O lets out a heavy, exhausted sigh. “To discharge you.”

9S slumps back against 2B’s side, a pained breath escaping him. “I....What am I s-...What am I gonna do?”

The spark in 21O’s grey eyes returns ever so slightly. “There’s a place in the North. Far north. Past the Great Desert and The Old Bog. There’s a village of half demon and demon alike where all seek asylum from this endless war. My father resides there. It’s protected by a large demon named Pascal.”

2B stares at 21O, grateful that her current form hides her expression from her. From a very young age, 2B had been taught that the mountains far to the north were the domain of the Dragon God, the father of all dragons. It is a place that no demon should be able to approach, let alone live in.

So why is there a village of them in such a sacred place?

“You will be safe there,” 21O continues. “No one will know you, no one will be hunting for you. You will be safe, and when this war ends…” she trails off, biting her lower lip to keep from choking on her own words. “Perhaps we will see each other again…”

9S, under the influence of lingering pain and narcotic medicine, cannot contain his tears. “M-mom…” he sobs, “Mom, please…” His head droops, his whole body slumps against 2B as the medicine courses through his veins. He struggles to keep his eyes open even as 21O wraps her arms around her son.

Both 2B and 6O watch, unwilling to interrupt mother and son but unsure as to what to do. The sun’s first rays are beginning to peak out between the trees. Since 2B is not being used as a giant feather pillow, 6O busies herself with some bottles and pouches, setting them beside her.

“This is for Nines. Medicine to keep his wounds from getting infected while you’re traveling.” She pauses and looks 2B in the eye. “You are going with him...right?”

2B nods slowly so as not to disturb 9S or 21O.

6O sighs. “Good.” She runs her hands through the feathers on 2B’s snout. “Don’t be your usual birdbrain self out there… okay? Take care of him, and when you’re done… find A2.”

2B glances down at 9S, but nods again. A2 was the whole reason she had left her home in the first place, and though now she’ll be crossing the land with 9S, her original goal will remain the same.

She can’t imagine he’ll be thrilled about what that means for him, however.

Soft birdsong begins to filter into the cave. 6O puts a hand on her brokenhearted friend’s shoulder, “It’s almost dawn… 21O, we gotta go…”

21O can barely speak as she sobs into the barely lucid 9S, “Be strong. Be good. Nines… My baby boy…”

#nier atuomata #nier automata fanfiction #2B #9S #2B9S #6O #21O #fantasy au #fanfiction #Tanks fics #lets gooooooooooooooooooooo #this book is gonna get buck wild man

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manypersons · 3 years

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Things I’ve Always Wanted to Do

So in 2019, it started up a list of “Things I’ve Always Wanted to Do” and I think it really reflects who I am as a person. “Notes” are there to provide an update I guess. I hope you enjoy.

Explore an abandoned shopping mall

Expand my library substantially

Cliff dive

Learn to play piano professionally

Make a piece of art I can be proud of

Sing my heart out

Live in a small house

Read by the light of a fire

Smell incense often

Sharpen all my pencils to perfection

Spend and entire day writing (note: have done this)

Tour Europe

Get all the German shepherds I want

Collect clocks

Bake something spontaneous but delicious

Wear nerdy/dorky t-shirts daily (note: has been achieved)

Watch musicals

Buy those books from my childhood that I miss

Complete a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle in one day

Grow a garden

Live in Washington

Paint a sunrise

Collect cute mugs to drink hot chocolate from

Sleep with a cat in my bed (note: it’s been years :(...)

Paint a random piece of furniture for fun

Watch and finish a TV show in one sitting

Bake and eat two dozen cookies by myself

Gel pens, a whole of gel pens

Get a Harry Potter costume and not just for Halloween (note: you’ll love my costume this year

Go to Comicon, at least once

Watch all my favorite bands live

Publish a book (note: I’m working on it Mom!)

Find love (note:....still nothing)

Live with someone interesting for a month

Videogame binge

Rewrite old stories I wrote when I was younger (note: actually....that’s the novel I’m working on right now....I did it ya’ll)

Try new and exotic food

Separate trash and recycling, even for a short time

Volunteer (or take a job) at a zoo

Give a speech in a public setting (note: I usually give to a room of about ten people)

STUFFED ANIMALS WILL ALWAYS BE COOL

Make lasagna from scratch

Random DIY

Learn to make Italian Delight from memory

Finish something I’d left undone for a while

Splurge on hardcover books

Get a job I’m happy to wake up every morning for

Spend the day in a retirement home for no reason

Speak my mind (note: trust me I do)

Eat a block of cheese like it’s an apple, there’s no law against it

Fake an illness to get out of doing something

SHOUT. Just SCREAM to the world.

Meet somebody different

Watch movies, a whole lot of them

Not be afraid to write in sharpie (note: this was ironic because the list itself was written in sharpie)

Hike to nowhere in particular

Make quirky jewelry I’ll never wear

Stay in bed, it’s okay to be lazy

Get along without electricity for a week

Appreciate the little things

Rescue an animal (any animal, anyway)

Scented pine cones

Live in an attic

Sit on a roof

Buy people presents for seemingly no reason

Roadtrip, but we don't want to murder each other at the end

Sing LOUDLY to the radio

Buy a tub of icing just to eat it

write somthing really tiny

THEN WRITE IT BIG!

Be like Cheyenne

Dye my hair

Have a good time with someone

Be in a parade (note: I actually have plans to be in a parade tomorrow, I'll update you all)

Move furniture randomly

Let an elderly person teach me a lesson

Prank somebody (but don't hurt them)

Learn to write in different fonts

Spend the day in a bookstore, but not but anything

Know that it's okay to be broke and to struggle

Walk someplace instead of drive

Travel to the Galapagos

Pet a wolf (note: I've since done this, I'll save the story, because it's wild..........I just wrote it, here's the post: https://manypersons.tumblr.com/post/633529760164839424/i-just-remembered-that-i-promised-yall-the-story)

Have mismatched dishes, but a neat set of silverware

Buy crisp new jeans

Visit all 50 states (note: so far I've only got 11)

Learn new languages (note: got a 5 on my AP Spanish test last year and my biliteracy seal, but I would not say I'm fluent)

Fill a wall with a map of the world, preferably hand paintedwith

Make my own

Grow my nails out really long

Write a poem (note: I've done this, I guess?)

Try to learn to carve wood

Visit the set for Twilight before it's torn down

Spend the night under the stars

A big black truck

Order that cool thing I saw on tv

Get a meaningful tattoo

Write my own song

Make a friend that is just as it even weirder than me

Forget the rules, even if it's just for a short while

Revisit all those places I remember

Crosstitch something amazing

Always smell like lavender

Make a piece of art using glitter

Be forever frustrated because that glitter won't come out of my carpet

Throw a party and invite no one

Make flashcards for something not school related

Get better at using pastels

Live in Alaska

Visit a local bakery

Be EXTRA, all day, every day

Visit all my last teachers

Be myself, even if people don't like the real me

Write movies for Universal

Swap lives with someone for a day

Study abroad

Own a whole bunch of yellow pencils—to touch, to smell, and to write with

It's "thank you for your apology", not "it's okay"

Just be happy, as often as my brain will allow!

Wow a feel like a just handed over a big chunk of myself. Please use this wisely and more that this list is definitely subject to change.

#me #things I've always wanted to do #wow personal

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pennyfynotes · 6 years

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8.2.18 // 4:30pm // school subjects and AP exams oh my

so i recently (ok not so recently i’m sorry super busy rn) got an ask from an anon about subject specific tips and ap exams. this is the masterpost i told you to look out for ;). there are no ap exams in college, but some of the stuff is still applicable. i did my best to be as comprehensive as possible and dump everything in one place. hope this is helpful! xoxo, m ps. guess where the actual tips are? if you said “under the cut” then you’re right bc i’m predicable af

tips by subject:

languages (i took spanish): 1. flashcards are your friend. i don’t care if they’re digital (would recommend quizlet or studyblue) or paper, but they help immensely with either vocab or things like remembering literature.

2. charts are also your friend. conjugations giving you a hard time? write out a chart of the different tenses and the conjugations for each subject. put down some of the irregulars too.

3. acronyms/pnemonics are also also your friend. a lot of these already exist, you just have to go find them. i’m pretty sure i still remember what “wedding” stands for for the spanish subjunctive.

4. it’s ok to start over. it’s easy to start a sentence based on what you’d say in english. you’re doing fine until *bam* you hit that word/phrase you really need but you have no clue how to say it. whether it’s an oral or written exam, take a few seconds to think about it and, if you can’t figure it out, just back track. restart the sentence and rework it. better to do that than to lose all your time thinking of one word you may or may not know.

5. skirt around things. if you can’t remember how to say fridge but you really need to say it for something, just say “machine that keeps food cold” or something. it might sound silly, but it gets the point across and removes the road block.

6. make a list. no, not a to do list. if there’s phrases you find yourself reaching for all the time, but you can never remember, make a list of them and their translations. it might be because its a phrase/part of a sentence structure you use a lot in your native language or whatever. make that list and drill just those few phrases into your head. it’s helpful

english/language arts: 1. proofread. i guarantee you’ll find a mistake, a sentence that makes no sense, or one that just sounds cringy. thank me later.

2. have a damn thesis. its ok if you just need to write and spit words/ideas out for a while to figure it out. but figure it out.

3. conclusion ~= introduction. for those of you who didn’t get the tilde, it means not. yes, they both tie your points to your thesis but they are not to same. do not just reword the same information in the conclusion. push your ideas just a little further. i usually like the push them a little bit outside the realm of what i talked about in my paper. for example, if i focused on the first 5 chapters of the book in the rest of my paper, i’ll expand the ideas to the rest of the book. or if i’m talking about female characters and focus on just one or two, i’ll use the conclusion to potentially connect it to another.

4. have favorites. pick a few fav transitions, sentence structures, and fancy vocab words. basically build a toolbox. this way you won’t have to think as hard when you want to “spice up” your work.

5. summaries only go so far. once you get to higher level english classes, there will be a lot of analysis of specific imagery, or wording, or dialogue. reading cliff notes is only going to give you the plot and none of this. if you don’t have time to read and you’ve been assigned a pretty standard english novel/play/whatever, take the time to look up some famous quotes or symbols. they’ll probably come up in discussion and this will help you look less unprepared.

6. have on question/comment ready. if your teacher/prof is into discussions and grades on participation, it’s handy to write down one (or a few) things. it’s easy to forget what you were going to say while you follow the discussion and it sucks to get docked points for not saying anything. even if it’s just a thoughtful question, jot it down.

history: 1. lol prob my weakest subject, just go see the apush (ap us history) section bc i don’t have much more for you than that.

science: 1. back to basics. i say it all the time, i’ll say it again. really understand basic concepts. they will come back. i’m serious.

2. pattern recognition. science problems are often times about recognizing patterns. once you identify the type of problem it is, even if you’ve never seen the exact one/something similar before, solving it becomes way easier.

3. make a recipe book. tied to the last one, but once you recognize a type of problem, you need steps to solve it. go through any practice problems you’re given to determine all the “types” of problems. once you’ve categorized them, make yourself a step-by-step guide on how to solve.

4. flashcards. you’ll have to know polyatomic ions or random biology facts. see languages tip #1 for more.

5. note your errors in lab. if you do something wrong, don’t just try to brush it under the table and forget about it. not that it’s a big deal, because its not, so don’t freak out. they’re just great opportunities to note sources of error. i mean obviously dont write in your lab report that you weren’t paying attention and mixed the wrong chemicals, but something like “we may not have waited sufficient time for the product to dry” can explain why you got 800% yield.

6. have a toolkit. kinda like a recipe book, but just a collection of straight facts that come up often. knowing common molecular weights and chemical properties (is ammonia acidic or basic?) will make things go faster. like i said earlier, polyatomic ions are also great.

7. brush up on some simple arithmetic. similar to the tool kit, this will just make things go faster. being able to quickly add things and calculate easy percentages (ex: 30%) will make things like hw and exams go faster. i’m of the opinion it’s always good to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide w/o a calculator (on paper, not all in your head)

bonus: math #5 and #7

math: 1. see science #1

2. see science #2

3. see science #3

4. see science #4. see a pattern here? you might wonder why you need to flashcard math, but it’s good for learning equations or the names of certain techniques. if the prof asks you to solve something using X technique and you don’t know what that is, that’s gonna pose a problem. also good for the unit circle (don’t get me started)

5. figure out your speed. this is applicable to most everything, but i find it most relevant for math. is it better for you to speed through the whole exam and then do it all again/check it over 2x? or for you to take it slow so you know you got everything right the first time? personally i use the first approach, but i’m a fast taker and prefer to have time to process between repeating problems instead of staring at it forever once and never looking again.

6. science #7. a lot of teachers will expect you to be able to do this.

7. go over the material a couple times. also applicable to everything. i find it’s easier to remember things when i know that concepts are connected. you might have learned X 3 weeks before Y, but if you go back over, you might realize they’re closely related. this will help you if you’re not sure on a test because you can reason through things using the connections you’ve drawn

tips by ap course (obv look at the subject above bc i will be giving *really specific stuff* here that i’ve gathered from experience. they’re also ordered by when i took them, sorry it’s not super logical but i didn’t want to forget one)

general ap course/exam tips: 1. practice exams. you need to be familiar with what will/will not show up. you don’t always need to simulate and real testing situation, but i’d recommend doing at least 1-2 that way. also *know how many questions they’re are you so can pace yourself!!!!*

2. college board is pretty good about giving topic breakdowns. use those. go through and figure out what topics you’re solid on and which need more work. the above tip is to help decipher what the topics actually mean bc it can be confusing.

3. give the free response a quick flip through. do the ones you’re confident on first.

4. make sure you know the policies/what you can bring. don’t want to forget something. also once our test administrator tried to stop us 10 minutes early, but we were on top of our shit and all gave her a death glare bc we knew when we were supposed to finish.

ap chemistry: 1. polyatomic ions and molecular weights. know them

2. chapter/section reviews (in addition to class notes) and how-to guides. my teacher made us make them and let’s just say your girl did *really* well (and i’m damn proud of that one)

3. do a quick skim of the free response. applicable to most exams but, the year i took it, they’d just remade and re-curved the exam and put *way* too many free response. like no one finished them. if that’s still the case, make sure you do the one’s you’re confident on. also, i did not get to like 3 questions and still got a 5. they may have fixed this idk. (sorry this is redundant but i wanted to give this ap chem exam specific info)

ap environmental science: 1. there is a lot of damn information here. i would use chapter outlines and pick out key terms, policies, and events etc. treat this like a history class.

2. for the exam, use common sense. most of the time, the most environmentally friendly answer is the right one. if you just have a general gist of the course and its topics, but don’t know a lot of details, go with your intuition and you should be fine. i didn’t have a lot of time to study for this one and this method worked for me.

ap calc bc: 1. memorize standard derivatives. power rule, sin and cos, chain rule. that’s important.

2. similarly, memorize standard integrals.

3. don’t forget +c for indefinite integrals. just don’t.

4. similarly, if it’s definite, don’t forget to evaluate at the end! super easy thing to do, but also super easy way to lose points if you forget.

5. if the integral looks complicated, that probably means there’s a “trick” involved. u substitution, integration by parts, trig substitution. something like that.

6. memorize some standard series’, operations, and types (arithmetic, geometric etc)

7. if you’re looking at a word problem, understand what is dependent on your variable and what isn’t (in other words, what’s a constant). for example, if it says the water flows into the barrel at 50 mL/s and flows out at 1/5 times the volume, that translate to F = 50 - (1/5)V. don’t make things more complicated by trying to write everything in terms of V (in this example). also, your equation might just be a constant term or just a variable term doesn’t have to be both.

8. know what your derivative is with respect to/what it really means. aka if your problem is talking about flow and volume, how are they related to each other? flow is the change in volume *with respect to time*. so if i differentiate volume with respect to time, i get flow. if i integrate flow with respect to time, i get volume. this also helps you make sense of word problems.

*disclaimer*: it is been 5 years since i took this class and i have taken quite a few math classes after. i apologize if i introduce anything that is a little irrelevant.

ap spanish language: 1. flashcard. like seriously. there’s gonna be vocab involved.

2. understand what’s asked. for the persuasive email. *be persuasive*

3. toolkit. i mentioned this before but this was probably the most useful for this class. our teacher gave us a bunch of fancier words to use instead of causar (to cause) because that was a word we’d need a lot. the one that still sticks with me 4 years later is fomentar. have a few alternatives for these kinds of super common words, a good greeting and closing for your email, and a set of good transitions. *make sure you know how to use them properly*

4. write stuff down during listening. you can either answer questions during the first listen, then take notes the second to catch stuff you missed or vice versa.

5. it’s ok to backtrack in the speaking. don’t let yourself get stuck and just not say anything. it’ll freak you out for the rest of the exam and will rob you from showing off what you know. also take notes of things you want to mention based off cultural knowledge of the situation related to the dialogue.

6. don’t zone out. with everything going on and all the stress, it’s easy to zone out (esp during the conversation). don’t do it or you’ll have a hard time responding and freak yourself out (again)

7. don’t lose your place in the convo! they give you a sheet that shows you how many times the other “person” will talk. i lost track and said goodbye one segment early. it was bad ok. all these conversation tips are from personal experience.

ap statistics: 1. know the different kinds of tests inside and out. know the differences and the conditions. if you’ve got that, you’re like 75% the way there.

2. be familiar with sample vs population. it’s a bit confusing, but take the time to understand.

3. ok sorry i really don’t remember anything else. this exam really isn’t that difficult (in my opinion), you’ll be ok.

ap physics c: 1. free body diagrams. understand how to draw them *and draw them*. they will carry you through mechanics. draw gravitational force, normal if there’s a surface, and then any other given forces.

2. basic equations. you get an equation sheet, but knowing the equations means you know the concepts and the relations between them. big ones are f=ma and the equations relating position (x), velocity (v), and acceleration (a). also friction f=uN.

3. *normal isn’t always the opposite direction of gravity!!!!* gravity is straight down. normal is perpendicular to the surface.

4. vector components. please don’t just add vectors. break them down into components and then add or you are so fucked.

5. get familiar with triangles. this will help with the whole component thing.

6. kirchoffs rules are so helpful. know them.

7. understand the relations between voltage/potential and current in terms of the properties of circuit elements. that means the equations for resistors, capacitors, and inductors.

8. know how to add in parallel and series. it’s important. also! if the circuit is drawn “weird” a good way to know series vs parallel is that parallel elements share two nodes and that series circuits only share 1.

9. sorry i kinda blocked out E+M bc i didn’t know what i was doing (or so i thought). i still got a 4 tho so that curve is generous.

ap us history: 1. chapter outlines. pretty self explanatory.

2. make a timeline. put important events, sentiments, policies, and presidents. if you can associate these things together into time periods it will be easier. most of the time, any one question (esp long response or whatever they’re called) will only focus on 1 time period.

3. sentiments are important. if you know nothing else, know these bc they will help guide you through questions by reasoning even if you know nothing else.

4. gilder lehrman (or similar us history summaries). these are tailor specifically to apush bc they are organized by period (i think that’s what they were called?). i actually fell asleep listening to these bc i didn’t have time to study. they were mildly helpful, but every little bit helps right?

ap psychology: 1. chapter outlines/flashcards. this course is based heavily on key terms and less so on larger concepts.

2. ok sorry i took this online i remember literally nothing except how annoying my teacher was and that the exam was easy. if you know terminology i think you should do fine.

ap biology: 1. there is a lot. go through all the topics and make sure you’re solid. start with the big picture, then think about narrowing down.

2. know how charts work. things like pedigrees, punnet squares, and evolution trees (that’s def not the right term). some of the exam will just be interpretation of this.

3. i am so sorry i remember nothing else.

ap spanish literature: 1. flashcards. title, author, time period, short summary, key elements (a line, character, symbol). this is *so helpful*

2. think about the works in relation to each other. you might be asked to compare them. even if they ask you to compare something on the reading list with something new, you’ll be familiar with the points you might talk about.

3. know the lit terms. more flashcards. associate them with a particular work if you can/need to.

4. don’t freak on the listening. a lot of the recordings are old and shitty quality. take a deep breath and try your best. know that the rest of the test takers (excepting maybe natives) are experiencing the same thing.

5. use that tool box. see general spanish and ap spanish lang.

this is so freaking long and i think the moral of the story is that i blocked out my senior year ap exams. i hope this was helpful and, if you have more questions, or want more stuff like this, let me know!

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mancavecloset · 5 years

Text

The Waterpark - pt. 1

It was a cloudless, mid-August day in the northeast United States. The year was 2012. I had two straight days off from work, which was rare for me, as I’d been juggling three jobs all summer to build up some savings for my first year of college. And for once, all three of my best friends from high school - Sam, Josh, and Kyle - were in town. I was eager to reunite with them and have one last hurrah before we all headed our separate ways for college.

A few weeks back when we’d realized we would all be free for the same 2-day span, we decided to go on a small road trip together. We settled on a mountainside waterpark ‘resort’ a few hours north from where we lived. Though, ‘resort’ was probably a bit too generous a term. I’d been up there for a day trip with my family a few years back, and while the waterpark was neatly built-out alongside the slope of a mountain, with tons of cool rides, pools, and places to eat, the “resort” part pretty much began and ended with a fairly ritzy lodge-style hotel (the place doubled as a ski resort in the winter). On the far south end of the forested property, some campsites and small, rentable cabins dotted the area, with a small rec hall, café, and communal bathhouse in the center.

We decided against splurging on a room in the hotel, since for one, we all were trying to save money for the fall semester. More importantly, we planned to get shit-faced drunk that night, and didn’t want to deal with noise complaints from wealthy hotel guests. Nobody was trying to get an underage drinking citation right before college began. Instead, we went with the thriftier option of renting one of the small cabins, which from the website was said to have two full size beds and a refrigerator. It also had its own grill and fire pit off of the patio so that we could bring our own food and cook. Most alluringly, the cabins seemed to be spaced far enough apart in the woods that we could do a fair amount of loud, annoying, 18-year-old things without causing too much of a disturbance.

I, being the planner of the bunch, booked the cabin and elected myself the driver. I woke up that morning and texted the boys to make sure they were getting up and around. Sam was supposed to be dropped off at my house around 8am, and then I was to pick up Kyle and Josh once we headed out, since their places were on the way.

Sam was the only one of my friends I had really seen at all that summer, but he was busy with band friends, his summertime golf course job, and his newfound passion for yoga, so I really had only seen him a few times since graduation in mid-May. Sam and I did occasionally meet up late at night to drive around, smoking weed and shooting the breeze, but other than that we never really got to see much of each other. I was glad that he was in town and that we had the chance to bond one-on one, since he was the newest of the group of friends. He had only moved to our school about three years ago, and we didn’t really become close until junior year.

Sam was charming and easy to like. He was a bit of a music nerd, and this past year was the drum major for our school’s marching band, but he got along well with everyone. From cheerleaders to football players to artsy wallflowers, everyone seemed to know and like Sam. He was very non-threatening, but carried himself with more confidence than you would expect for having just a 5′6″, 145 lb frame. He narrowly missed being crowned homecoming king, losing by single-digit votes to our school’s admittedly endearing quarterback. Especially impressive, given that he had only been going to our school for just over two years. Sam was naturally handsome, with thick, long-ish brown hair that waved down around to his ears and framed his boyish face nicely. His eyes were big and expressive, and his nose small, upturned and cherubic. He had a wide, almost feminine mouth with curvy full lips, which were contradicted by a masculine, pointed jawline. His smile was infectious, and he always knew how to charm people with jovial banter.

Sam and I shared a few classes together my sophomore year, and though we were friendly with eachother, we never really hung out outside of school. At the start of junior year, we were assigned as lab partners for AP Chemistry. That semester, we became workout buddies. My previous workout partner, Josh, and I had stopped going together, Josh instead opting to go with his jockier friends to his volleyball team’s lifting sessions. As I began to get to know my new workout buddy and chemistry partner more closely, we became fast friends. I started inviting him to hang out with Josh and Kyle, forming the aforementioned core group of four that would be heading up to the mountains together in a few hours. Josh and Kyle quickly took to him and his one-of-the-guys attitude, though when one-on-one with me, he always flashed a bit more of a contemplative and sensitive side. We could talk about deep things that I never really could with Josh and Kyle, which was very refreshing, and allowed me to be more authentic and vulnerable around Sam.

I had begun realizing I was gay right around the time my freshman year started, but I had always been terrified to tell anyone how I was feeling. I knew if I ever told anyone, it’d be Sam. He was just such a safe and understanding guy. He had a few gay friends and it was not something he seemed to be phased by, so I figured he would be the most understanding person I could tell without fear of judgment, or making it awkward.

But my inkling to confide in him faded fast a few months into senior year, when I realized I had started developing sexual feelings for him. This caught me off guard, as up until that point the only guys that struck my fancy were tall, muscular studs and pudgy beefy types who had big appetites and growing paunches. Sam was neither of those, as his short and relatively lean frame would suggest, but he did have one asset (pun intended) that really got me going: his perfectly round bubble butt. No matter what type of pants he wore, the two perky globes protruded proudly from his backside and bounced firmly as he walked. His newfound passion for yoga brought him to wear more athletic pants that often let little to the imagination. The circular slope of his cheeks jutted out below the small of his back at an almost 90 degree angle, rounding perfectly down his rump like meaty tear drops above his hamstrings. The ass truly defied gravity. Plenty of times I’d steal glimpses of it as he changed before our workouts after school, testing the back seams of his Calvin Klein boxers as he’d change from school clothes to gym clothes. But annoyingly, he was hesitant to shower at the school after our workouts and instead opted to go home in his gym clothes. I’d never seen him or his juicy ass fully unclothed. Sam’s body was boyishly smooth- just the tiniest amount of fuzz between his pecs and the faintest little happy trail underneath his cute belly button. No chest hair, no back hair. I could only image how soft and smooth his bubble ass would look in its full bare glory.

While up and showering, the thought of Sam’s gravity-defying butt started to chub up my fairly average cock. I know “fairly average” is not descriptive, but it literally is the most standard cock. If I must describe it (you horny bastards): cut, hangs just slightly to the left, no big veins, a little over 6″ on a good day, and average girth. Though, I do have a nicely pronounced ridge where the head meets the shaft that does give it a bit of character, and at the end of the day I really can’t complain about it. I’d been in swim team locker rooms for four years… there were some pretty ugly dicks out there. For a long time, it had been much smaller, and I worried it would never grow, thus I was elated to have reached the 6” threshold when the later stages of puberty finally kicked in. So, yeah. Average was good.

As the water from the showerhead cascaded over my body, I mindlessly rubbed soap suds up and down my shaft and lazily imagined that Sam was standing in front of me: facing the wall, ass jiggling towards my swelling package. Eventually, I just decided to leave it at half-mast as I cut the water, stepped out, and toweled off, inspecting my body in the mirror as I did.

I was pretty proud at how I’d managed to stay in decent shape despite my hectic schedule this summer. My primary job was as a lifeguard at the local country club. On rainy days when nobody showed up to the pool, I’d do crunches, push ups, dips, and body squats under the roof of the pavilion, since I wasn’t getting regular workouts in like I did during school. Being a swimmer had its perks, like being able to eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight, but it always made my body a little more slender than I’d prefer. My 6′ 175 lb frame was probably no more well-muscled than it had been 4 months ago, despite my rainy day efforts. My limbs were especially lanky, something Josh liked to tease me about since he had upped his workout intensity a few years back. Over the past two years he bulked up considerably, after swapping our tame thrice-weekly gym regimen with daily, 2+ hour training sessions with his volleyball friends. I styled my short, brown hair in a tight coif, and brushed my naturally straight, white teeth. I was good looking enough, but never considered myself much of a heartthrob. I inspected my lean, hairy chest in the mirror. Gotta start benching again, I thought to myself, as I tried to make my baby pecs dance.

I heard a slam of a car door and out of the bathroom window saw Sam exiting his mom’s SUV at the bottom of my driveway. He was wearing annoyingly baggy athletic shorts that went about mid-thigh, and a white t-shirt that he seemed to fill out more than I’d have expected him to. I quickly threw on my Saxx boxer briefs, some cutoff khaki pants, and a RVCA tank top, and hurried out into the living room where my mom was busy greeting him at the door.

“Micah!” Sam exclaimed as I pulled him into a hug. A real hug, not the bro kind that alot of guys half-assed. I guess most people wanted to stave off the slightest hint of anything other than pure masculinity, but Sam didn’t give a shit what people thought about his hugs. It was one of the things I both admired and envied about him. I gave him a friendly squeeze as he smiled, “I missed you buddy.”

Shit, I thought, how long has it been? “Almost a month,” I answered myself, realizing that statement was not really cohesive to what he had just said. I quickly added an “I missed you too Sam,” and smiled warmly back.

“You ready for an epic weekend?” He asked, eyebrows moving upwards as he spoke. I chuckled.

“Today is Wednesday.”

“Oh shit,” he jokingly pondered. So like him to not know what day it was. “Well whatever, it’s a weekend for us! Road trip! Did Kyle give you his most recent pretentious music playlist for you to blare in the car?”

I chuckled, “Oh yeah man, Thom York’s greatest hits only. With a brief intermission for an inspiring TED talk on how to get ‘jacked’ in no time,” I sarcastically air-quoted. Sam laughed.

“Oh Josh, bless his meathead soul,” Sam shook his head in feigned sympathy, the corners of his mouth turned up as his eyes shone playfully.

Josh always meant well, but he had a big ego, and we never let him live down last summer when he came back from a six-week volleyball camp and tried to explain to us how we too could get jacked in two months.

My mom, back from filling my car with what I assumed was her liberal interpretation of “the essentials,” fluttered around us making sure we both had everything packed. “Swimsuits?” Check. “Cash?” Check. “Socks, underwear, towels?” Check, check, and check.

“I put the coolers of food in the trunk!” She called as we carried our bags down to my trusty old Mazda.

“You mean the amount of food that could feed the Packers’ offensive line for three months? Yes, mom.” I chuckled back. She really overdid it. There were six packs of hotdogs, three lbs of ground beef, a small mountain of hot dog and hamburger buns, several bags of chips and other salty snacks, two 24-packs of chocolate chip cookies, 12 PB&J sandwiches ‘for the road’ (it was a 2-hour drive), along with a family size jar of peanut butter, a giant bag of granola, a king size carton of candy bars, a family pack of Oreos, three bags of marshmallows, two boxes of graham crackers, a Costco-sized thing of Gatorades, and eight two-liters of soda.

“Well, I don’t know! You eat alot! And your friends eat alot. Not you, Sam, but Kyle and Josh do!” I rolled my eyes. I really hadn’t been eating a lot since swim season ended, because when I wasn’t training but still eating like my leg was hollow, I’d pudge up a few lbs pretty quickly. I liked my abs, and wanted them for college, so no – I wasn’t planning on eating that much food. She had a point though. Josh and Kyle did eat alot.

Sam chirped in, “Thanks Mrs. K! Plus, it will be good to have extra in case we run into any laaaaadies.” He drew out the ladies part as he shimmied his shoulders at me. I rolled my eyes even harder.

“Okay Sam, what kind of girl would even put a dent in that much food?” I motioned to the cornucopia of coolers and grocery bags basically spilling out of my car.

“Who said it’d only be one,” he winked. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Sam was little, but he could ham it up bigger than anyone I knew.

“Drive safe! Don’t speed,” My mom said as she kissed me on the forehead.

It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Mrs. K, do you know how aggravatingly slow your son drives?” I punched his arm and he let out a fake whimper.

My mom moved to kiss Sam on the forehead, which he happily accepted, clutching his heart dramatically. “Hush you. Have fun boys!”

And with that, we climbed in the car and drove off, heading for Kyle’s house.

...

Kyle had been away for the summer at his dad’s house in Kansas City, and his annoyingly scarce use of social media made it impossible for me to keep in touch with him. A sporadic text between work shifts or a call here or there was really all we’d done this summer, and even then it was mostly to discuss the newest music we’d been listening to. Kyle and I loved curating music playlists, and our evolving tastes in music were often a bonding point for us. Kyle was my first friend in middle school, as I was new to the school district and he was in all of my seventh grade classes. We quickly bonded over our shared interest in talking shit about our teachers and rolling our eyes the “popular” girls behind their backs, and soon became close friends outside of school as well.

Kyle was really easygoing, and was always quick with a one liner or funny observation. I liked hanging out with him, because when we were doing something he was into, he took the lead. That was a welcome change for me sometimes, as usually I feel the need to plan everything out and make sure everyone is happy at all times. Kyle didn’t play sports but was always fairly active, so we would often go on bike rides around town or kayak at the nearby state park. He went to the gym a decent bit, but compared to even most serious athletes, he could mindlessly put away ridiculous swaths of food with little effect. Anytime him, Josh, and I had a sleepover in middle school and into high school, he’d almost singlehandedly clean out whoevers house’s pantry before we were even halfway through an all-nighter of video games and movies. His metabolism had to have been the hardest working one on earth, because the kid just ate non-stop. Though he was never what you would call skinny, he never was really big enough to make fun of, or even notice when he had a shirt on. He always had a small layer of chub, especially around his bellybutton and lovehandles, but he certainly wasn’t fat. And the way he ate, he should have been.

Kyle wore artsy t-shirts and hats alot, and his wayfarer glasses framed his face well. He had light, dusty brown hair that wisped down his forehead and framed a very midwestern, salt-of-the-earth set of cheekbones and jawline. His thin lips and broad chin sat below a symmetrical, average-sized nose and intelligent blue eyes. He was understatedly handsome, in the way you would associate with the lead character in an indie move. At the end of high school, his 5′11, 200 lb frame was stockier than it’d ever been for sure, but sturdy and strong too as he started to take the gym more seriously. Growing up, I always relished in seeing his few chub rolls and slight love handles when he would remove his shirt, but those were rare times. He was really only shirtless at the pool, or when we gamed late at night at Josh’s house in his cramped and stuffy basement. It was enough flab to pique my fancy, but never enough to make me see him in too much of a sexual light. He was always, in my mind, squarely my friend. Admittedly, I did sometimes wonder how he’d look if his metabolism ever called it quits and the pounds poured onto that sturdy, rugby-player frame.

I didn’t have to wonder long. As Sam and I pulled into Kyle’s townhome complex, I saw him bound down his front steps in some tight forest green khaki shorts and an even tighter Obey tee. Kyle didn’t wear tight clothes normally, so it took me a few seconds to even comprehend that it was him.

“Man, I’ve always heard Kansas City barbecue is good, but I guess there’s the proof,” Sam said in awe, chuckling dryly as I pulled my car into the parking spot at the front of Kyle’s place.

“Hush,” I almost whispered, not being able to say much else. I was dumbfounded at the change heading down the steps in front of me. Kyle was big. Yes, it seemed like he had put on a bit more upper body muscle, but that was the least noticeable part of his transformation. His thick, fleshy thighs filled out his shorts completely, sending them in slow swaying jiggles as they moved, his meaty ass pushing the waistband of his shorts down to reveal his plaid boxers. Thick arms filled out the sleeves of his tee, his sizable muscles covered in a generous layer of soft flesh as he carried the duffel with his left arm. Where his arms met his torso, the beginnings of moobs strained against the fabric of his shirt, bridled but still visible as they bounced in cadence. The most impressive of all was his stomach, which billowed out and down from well beyond his moobs. The lower you looked, the bigger the belly swelled, and the bottom of the jiggly gut flashed from under his shirt with each step down the stairs. Kyle nodded his head upwards with a smile to acknowledge us, his face relatively unchanged except for a slight patch of extra padding under his chin. It was abundantly clear that Kyle had finally eaten himself past his metabolism’s breaking point this summer. At first glance I estimated that he had gained at least 35 lbs in the three months he’d been gone, maybe more.

“Hey big guy!” Sam was out of the car quickly and collided with Kyle in his trademark embrace, causing Kyle to drop his duffel on the ground with an oof. Sam looked more dwarfed than usual in the shadow of the pudgier new Kyle, his torso nearly disappearing as Kyle’s large arms wrapped back hesitantly. Sam was on his tiptoes, so despite the baggy shorts, his ass cheeks pressed out proudly from the fabric like two wrestling cantaloupes. They wiggled ever so slightly as he continually adjusted the weight on his feet to his toes. Finally released from Kyle’s meaty arms, he playfully poked a finger into the side of Kyle’s gut that had just nearly swallowed him. I silently cringed, not wanting him to draw too much attention to the fact that Kyle had packed on some serious weight.

“Ha, yeah, I’ve been hitting the gym with my dad this summer - in the middle of a bulk,” he smiled, a hint of pride in his voice. He was never one to care about his body much, so it seemed like such a foreign concept for Kyle to be “bulking” for a specific purpose.

"You look like you could lift a house!” Sam said, punching Kyle on the arm. Kyle smiled sheepishly and let out a light chuckle. I was glad glad he left it at that, as the last thing my slowly engorging dick wanted was for Kyle to be self-conscious about his body this weekend.

“Good to see you man,” I ambled up to him and opted for a more reserved bro hug. Even still, just a lightly pressing against him made his stomach give way much more considerably than I’d have thought. Up close, his body seemed even flabbier than it did from the car. My cock stirred ever so slightly at the sight of his now unmistakable gut.

I zoned out a bit as I climbed into the driver seat while Kyle and Sam chatted, catching up as they stood near the car. I became entranced by Kyle’s shirt riding further up his round, flabby belly, until eventually I could make out the bottom edge of a cavernous belly button. I realized that while I had zoned out, Sam had pulled a thing of Gatorades out from my hatchback, as well as one of the grocery bags that contained the PB&Js, along with a carton of the cookies and two bags of chips. He and Kyle were both chugging a Gatorade and fishing sandwiches from the grocery bag.

I noted a considerable dip in my shock absorbers as Kyle finally plopped into the front seat, drink in one hand and sandwich in the other. His belly rested heavily on the upper part of his quads as his fat rolls strained the fabric of his shirt. I shifted in my seat to hide my growing boner as I backed out of the parking space,

“Enjoy the front seat for 3 minutes,” Sam said to Kyle. “As if Josh is going to let our short asses up there to DJ.”

He wasn’t wrong. Josh was notorious for playing the “I’m tall” card and claiming the front seat, but Kyle relished the opportunity to play his newest playlist through the aux cord on the way to Josh’s house as we talked about what he was doing up in Kansas City.

“Mostly I just went to the gym in the morning with my dad and then explored the city. I tried all the barbecue I could,” Kyle said. “It was awesome.” I could feel Sam’s knowing smirk from the seat behind me. “So glad my dad moved there, it is way nicer hanging out there than starving out in California with his fitness-freak ex. But damn if it isn’t hot as hell in the summer. Thank God for air conditioning and Call of Duty...”

I immediately imagined the daily ritual Kyle employed during his time in Kansas City. Wake up, eat his typical four or five bowls of cereal and a muffin or two, go to the gym, venture out for barbecue, get home, peel off shirt (maybe even his pants, I thought, penis hardening even more at the mental visual) and snack non-stop while playing video games and downing sugary drinks. I thought about what I’d give to be a fly on the wall, watching day by day as Kyle grew stronger and fatter, smooth moobs and belly jiggling away as he mashed controller buttons and shoved processed food in his mouth.

I felt my cock start to stiffen impossibly more hard as I drove, as I stole glances at his smooth, jiggling stomach, which was now peeking out from below his t-shirt. He guzzled his Gatorade and munched away on his PB&J, and they were both gone before I had even gotten to the end of his street. I was kind of freaking out - I’d never been this aroused by Kyle, but weight gain was a huge turn-on for me, and it looked great on him. I could hear him conversing with Sam in the background of my lustful thoughts, and I started to feel guilty for tuning him out again as we were trying to catch up. I shifted in my seat again to try and covertly hide my now-raging boner as I snapped out of it just in time.

“Yo Micah, have you heard of ‘Young the Giant?’”

“Actually I have! But I haven’t gotten around to listening to them yet!” I enthused, shaking the lust off for the second time today. Kyle cranked up the volume as the sounds of alt-rock filled the car, and we turned on to Josh’s street.

...

There was weird history between Josh and I. He and Kyle were elementary school best friends, and I was quickly a welcome addition to slumber parties and hangouts once I’d made friends with Kyle in seventh grade. Soon, Josh and I had bonded over our love for sports, our tv-show preferences, and our shared interest in talking about sex. He was always taller than most of our classmates, with dark buzzed hair, a killer jawline, and plush, masculine lips. He had a ruggedly handsome face, yet his features were mostly soft. His eyes were intense and full of emotion; He could make you feel on top of the world or totally disarmed with just a glance. As puberty did wonders for him and stalled for me freshman year, a mix of jealousy and attraction for him washed over and confused me.

Thus, he was a large part of my sexual awakening that year. He dated my childhood best friend, Paisley, from the beginning of freshman year through a decent chunk of sophomore year. Because I was close friends with both of them, I got to hear details from both sides: when they’d had their first kiss, first make-out, second base, and so on. What really piqued my interest was when they started messing around together. I got to hear Josh talk about how great a hand-job felt, and Paisley talk about how long and thick Josh’s dick was.

From then on, I was obsessed with his dick and finding out just how big it really was, even convincing her to measure it the next time she serviced him. I pretended that I didn’t believe that it was really ‘all that big’. So one day, she actually measured. Over 7″ she said, and she couldn’t fit it in her mouth without scraping her teeth on it. Unfathomable to freshman year me, as at that point I was only packing 4″ and I knew that anyone could fit mine in their mouth with ease. I became more and more enamored with the thought of it, as a side effect really, because I eventually realized that I was head over heels in love with Josh.

I constantly tried to see it in person freshman year. At the gym when we’d work out, I’d say things like “we smell, lets shower before we go home.” When I slept over, he would shower and I’d pretend to be asleep so that he would change in the room without worrying about me seeing him, and I could steal a few quick glances at it. Eventually he started to pick up on the attention I gave him, and began reciprocating. When it was just the two of us at sleepovers, he would have me lay on his lap while we played video games. In front of Paisley, he would tease her by having me sit on his lap or big spooning me on the couch. Eventually, it just became a ritual to sleep in the same bed, cuddling and sharing warmth. I loved being held by someone taller and stronger than me. I loved his smell. I loved feeling the rise and fall of his breath. And I wanted more.

Paisley and I had kissed in the school play in eighth grade, and one day late freshman year, she teased Josh that I was the better kisser. This drove him mad enough to kinda-joke, kinda-argue with me about who really was the best kisser, which culminated one night at a sleepover. We thought Kyle was asleep by then, so I felt a little ballsy and said “well I guess there’s only one way to find out.” We leaned closer together, and Josh’s hand grabbed the back of my head and started to bring our faces nearer. I felt the warm air of his breath as our lips began to close the distance and our faces got mere inches apart. I remember his eyes looked at me in a way that caught me by surprise. He looked at me as if he wanted me, and I was sure he knew as I locked eyes with him, that I wanted him too.

A groggy Kyle, without even looking up, mumbled “If you guys kiss I’m leaving.” That was enough to break the tension of the moment. We all laughed it off, but deep down it felt like a blown opportunity, and I then longed for that kiss that never came.

Sophomore year I did get my other wish. He and Paisley broke up, and word spread around the school that he had an especially large member. He made the varsity volleyball team, impressive for a sophomore, and started going to the gym with his volleyball friends more often. We still worked out together when I went, but he was going twice as much as I was due to my 2-a-day swim practices prohibiting when I actually had the time. The rumors, his varsity status, and his swiftly muscling physique swelled his head quite a bit, and at large sleepovers which we now referred to as “parties”, he always made things a bit rowdy. He would joke in front of the group by randomly threading his flaccid dick through the hole in his flannel pajama pants, waiting for someone to notice it. When it finally got noticed, the room would explode in laughter. I remember the first time I saw it. He popped it out while standing up after winning a match of Fifa, and swung it like an elephant trunk by shaking his hips. This caused an eruption of laughter from the mix of volleyball guys and other friends at the party. I quietly left for the bathroom to rub one out. His dick was as big soft as mine was hard.

Soon Josh and I had left the cuddling sessions behind, and our friendship went back to a more “normal” one. We still had fun together, talked sports and girls and movies. I even got to see his dick a few more times when we would swim together at the high school pool. I was teaching him the more advanced strokes that he wanted to learn for his rotc training. But it was always soft, and he never kept it out longer than he had to.

All this to say, I was pretty much past my puppy dog love for Josh by the time we graduated. He was still undeniably attractive, and he seemed to perpetually put on muscle, so he still occasionally entered my lustful thoughts as I’d lay in my bed at night jacking off. By graduation he was probably 6′3″, and about 215 lbs. His handsome face had become more chiseled and strapping as he got older. He had left straight from graduation to vacation with his family at the shore, and then headed off to a two-month volleyball camp at his future alma mater upstate. So like Kyle, I hadn’t seen him since May.

Let’s just say that Kyle wasn’t the only one who transformed over the summer.

“Oh what the fuck, that’s not even fair,” Sam complained from the back seat as we pulled into Josh’s driveway and saw him waving at my Mazda from his front porch.

As I put the car in park, Josh locked his parent’s front door and swung his hefty duffel over his shoulder with ease. He looked like he was an inch or two taller, but more notably was the sheer amount of muscle that he’d impossibly packed on in the past 3 months. His shoulders were the size of melons, his biceps looked like they were seconds away from popping, and his pecs almost needed a bra as they bounced in his flattering grey tank top. He’d cut the undersides of the tank’s armholes to let his riplping lats breathe out from the sides. His narrow waist connected to a well-muscled ass, which was hugged attractively by a tight pair of athletic shorts. A ridiculously big crotch bulge bounced between his thighs as the tight athletic shorts hugged the upper part of his quadriceps, revealing tree trunk legs and bulging calves. Sam’s jealousy wasn’t misplaced – Josh looked cut out of a magazine.

Josh’s size 14 sandals clapped against the ground as he bellowed, “who’s ready to get wehhh-ehhht!” He was in a chipper mood. I liked him most when he was like this, jovial and positive. His eyes were beaming; it was a dorky type of joy he rarely let people see anymore. I couldn’t help but smile as I climbed out of the Mazda. He pulled me tightly into a crushing hug, muscles rippling, lifting me off the ground as I mashed against his boulders-for-pecs. It was a genuine hug, but I almost felt he did it to force me to take notice of just how strong he had gotten.

“How are you, Lank?” Fuck, I hated his favorite pet-name for me, but it felt kind of good to feel like he was kidding around with me in such a happy way. There was sometimes an intangible distance to our friendship now, as if we both feel guilty about what transpired when we were younger. I was glad to avoid those eggshells for the time being.

“I’d be alot better if I could breathe, you giant ape,” I shot back, punishing him for using the lank word. A stupid grin plastered itself on my face. He smiled back, setting me back down to earth as our eyes locked, and I could see the happy glow falter in his irises for a millisecond. “I missed you man,” I said, surprising myself with how much I meant it.

“I missed you too, M,” he spoke quietly, in a gentle, blissful voice that he really only used to use in early high school when it was just the two of us together. It caught me off guard for a half-second before I was able to smile and clasp my hand on his shoulder. Maybe this weekend will be a fresh start for us, I thought to myself.

Sam waited patiently for his turn to maul Josh in his trademark little-guy-bear-hug, and looked his muscular body up and down as I stepped back from the encounter.

“Hulk hug?” He joked, trying his best to wrap his arms around Josh’s broad, solid thorax.

Josh lifted him up and slung him over his shoulder with a single motion, which put Sam’s shorts-straining ass on full display. Josh swung him from side to side, his ass cheeks swaying in the air like two bouncy orbs. Sam’s shirt rode up during the antics, and I took notice for the first time a small but definite pudginess to the south of Sam’s belly button. I put two and two together, realizing Sam had probably put on a few lbs since the beginning of the summer, and I filed it away as something to watch for later that day. Josh finally released Sam from his shoulder by placing his hand directly onto the jostling globes of Sam’s bubble butt, and guided him off of his body and back to the ground.

Sam slapped his back. “You look great man,” he said in a more serious tone, giving Josh the genuine compliment I’m sure he wanted to hear.

“Thanks man,” Josh said, much more humbly than I’d have thought he would respond. “They really put me through hell up there.”

Just then, I realized Kyle had still not exited the car, and I spun around to see what the hold up has been. I noticed him polishing off a second PB&J, as he reached for a third, tearing it from its Ziploc. Finally, he shoved the door open with his free hand. He took a bite of sandwich as he hoisted himself out of the car, and the shock absorbers breathed a sigh of relief as he stood. His shirt, earlier able to fully cover his gut when standing, now gave way to expose two inches of soft belly flesh on the verge of overhang. The shirt must’ve stopped doing its job somewhere between Kyle’s house, and the two gatorades + two and a half PB&Js that he had inhaled on the way here.

I noticed Josh notice Kyle from across the driveway, and saw the slightest evil smile flash across his face before a much tamer expression replaced it. Teasingly, he called out across the driveway, “Perma-bulk!”

I got the vibe that Josh was already aware that Kyle had been trying his hand at putting on muscle this summer. Though I’m sure when he had explained to Kyle that bulking takes a concerted effort to eat more food, he underestimated the willpower to eat that Kyle was capable of.

Kyle was slightly indignant but smiled back. “This is nothing! My dad puts on at least 30 lbs before he cuts!”

I cocked an eyebrow and glanced over at Sam. In a look we both silently share our questioning of Kyle’s weight logic. He’s had to have gained 30 lbs at least during the summer, I telepathically communicated to Sam with a look. He seemed to have correctly translated my facial expression as he mirrors it back my way.

Again, though, instead of taking it further or piling on, Josh retreated as Sam did earlier. “You look solid, man. I bet you could take me in an arm wrestle.”

Kyle took the last bite of his second sandwich and pulled Josh into a tight bro-hug. With a mouthful of PB&J, he responded, “Bet.”

I felt my cock dance in my pants as I watched my two fantasies hugging in the driveway- a tall, hung, muscular stud and a soft, fattening hunk. Kyle’s soft, doughy moobs pressed into Josh’s hard, boulder-like pecs. His big jiggly stomach smashed into the side of Josh’s solid, washboard set of abs. Kyle’s belly rested so low and poked out so far that as they hugged, it noticeably shifted Josh’s bulge. I could make out the outline of Josh’s egg-sized balls, displaced by Kyle’s nearly-overhanging gut. I adjusted my cock in my pants to hide my growing erection, and noticed Sam turning towards the car. “Lets go get wet, bitches.”

I scurried back to the drivers seat, mainly to watch both Josh and Kyle jiggling as they walked towards the car. Josh’s pecs and bulge bounced as he walked towards the passenger side, while Kyle’s gut and widening love handles jiggled as he looped around the car. He grabbed another Gatorade and a bag of chips from the backseat. Josh had nestled his firm muscled ass into shotgun, and his thick, tree-trunk thighs pushed his oversized bulge into view. He looked up towards my face, and I quickly diverted my gaze to the back, catching Kyle’s belly shake as he tore open the chip bag, sending the scent of barbecue flavor emanating through the car.

“You guys have everything you need back there?” I asked as an excuse to watch Kyle shoveling a fistful of chips into his mouth.

“Myupf,” he says back through a mouthful of chips.

I turned my head back toward the dash and nearly bump my face into Josh’s, who was careening his head around to look at Kyle. “Give me some, I’m staving!” He demanded.

“It is 8:30 in the morning,” Sam observed from next to Kyle, incredulously. Again I shot him a quick glance as Kyle handed over the chip bag to Josh and reached into the grocery bag for a fourth PB&J.

“There’s PB&Js?!” Josh asked excitedly.

“Courtesy of Momma K,” I reply. “She packed 12 for the road, so dig in.” I noticed in the rearview Kyle’s face register that his current sandwich was one over the fair limit for each of us, so I quickly add, “I ate breakfast so I’ll probably only have one, if that.” This seemed to placate Kyle as he happily munched down on the last of sandwich number four.

“Same,” Sam echoed. “Well, actually, I’ll probably have a second.” I heard him reach down into the bag to fish out another PB&J. This surprised me, because it was before 9am and Sam had eaten breakfast and a PB&J already, and was reaching for a second one. My cock basically whimpered as it throbbed hard in my pants for the fifth time in a few hours. I imagined the extra calories going straight to Sam’s bubble butt, causing it to grow bigger and plumper. I fantasized about how much rounder, bouncier and fatter his ass would begin to look if he gained even just 10 lbs.

I smiled then, remembering what else was below the sandwiches in the grocery bag. “I think there are some Wegman’s chocolate chip cookies too.”

Josh’s hips twisted toward me as his head turned towards the back, immediately rummaging through the bag to find the carton of cookies. This gave me a wonderful side view of his athletic shorts pulled taut by powerful legs, a meaty ass, and a tremendous dick bulge. He pulled the cookies out victoriously, took three for himself, and passed them around to Kyle and Sam. By the time they got back to Josh, more than half of the 24 pack of cookies was gone. He offered the package to me as I drove, and I pulled one from the carton. One can’t hurt, I thought, glancing in my rearview to see Sam double fisting two cookies in each hand, and Kyle balancing a stack of eight cookies on his meaty thigh.

The sounds of munching and alternative music filled the car as I drove. I was stealing glances at Josh, now on his third PB&J and midway through the bag of chips, his bulging muscly body filling out the passenger seat, and his hefty bulge – could it have gotten bigger? – bouncing in between his thighs with each bump in the road. I glanced again at Kyle through my rearview, his belly looking even more tremendous and starting to grow rounder. He polished off the final cookie in his stack and reached into the carton for more, obviously forgetting that the eight he already had were more than his fair share. I noticed he had unbuttoned his shorts, and the exposed sag of belly below his belly button now escaped his shirt even when sitting down.

I caught sight of Sam, hand absentmindedly playing with the crotch of his athletic shorts, go for the final PB&J in the bag. On top of all of these wonderful visuals, the thought of his bubble butt growing in size and tearing through the seat of his underwear got me even hornier. My cock pulsed through my pants even more, the sexiness of each of my best friends becoming more apparent as we drove. I felt the beginnings of precum ooze into my boxer briefs. This was going to be a better trip than I bargained for.

…

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marystudies · 6 years

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A LONG ASS LIST OF TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL: FRESHMAN TO SENIOR YEAR LETS GO

Disclaimer: This is just from my experience, so these might not all apply to you!

Freshman Year

ok, ok, freshman year can be scary but don’t let that get to you

dont worry about upperclassmen being rude/teasing you

it’ll most likely happen, but I’ve never seen an upperclassman tease a freshman with the intention to really hurt them

one day you’ll be them so dw

on the topic of upperclassmen, make some older friends!!! (through classes, sports, etc.) it’s so nice to have someone give you tips and help you through high school

dont expect your friend group to stay the same lol

BUT ITS A GOOD THING I PROMISE YOU

I was scared of changing my friend group, so even though I wasn’t being treated too well, it wasn’t until senior year when I really made a change and I wish I did it earlier

be open to meeting new people, everyone is scared just like you and looking for more friends

I don’t think its neccessary for freshman to become sUPER involved in clubs and all that but at least get a feel for whats out there

try out for a sport if you play one!

this goes for all of high school, not just freshman year, but I regret not being as involved as I could’ve been

Go to school events like football games and dances! School spirit is considered weird in middle school but its cool in high school

take your classes seriously, your teachers are right - high school is much harder than middle school (but it’s not too bad if you stay organized!)

my freshman year GPA was my lowest like english really caught me off guard (properly formatted, 5 paragraph essays being 50% of your grade??? a concept.)

so my cumulative GPA was brought down

I think most freshman don’t have access to AP classes to boost your GPA or anything, but if you’re looking to push yourself take an honors class or 2! (if available)

Sophomore Year

wooohooo ur no longer a freshman

I’d take at least 1 AP class if you can

my sophomore year I took AP Human Geo - which I really loved, and it also wasn’t too hard

a lot of sophomores take AP World which is a BITCH of a class

BUT I wouldn’t recommend taking Honors World because you don’t get the GPA boost, you don’t get college credits (unless you take the AP Euro test or something), and it’s almost just as hard

this is a bit random - but when you’re taking Algebra 2 (which was my sophomore year) PLS PAY ATTENTION math builds on itself don’t fuck yourself over

take the PSAT if you want (I honestly don’t remember if I took it freshman year too but eh), but seriously its not required

start thinking about college (I know it’s the last thing you want to do)

just little things like

when do I want to take the SAT/ACT?

would I like a small school or a big school?

What will I be able to put on my college applications?

like if you do community service through a club/church/etc then great!!! sports? YEs

can’t think of anything? Join a club! Try out for a sport (it’s not too late) Find something that interests you

you’re probably pretty situated socially now but never be afraid to get to know those classmates/”school friends” better!

Junior Year

so junior year is commonly thought of as the hardest year of highschool

which is partially true (we’ll get there later)

but anyways, seriously buckle your seatbelt and get ready to work your ass off because THIS YEAR COUNTS, LADIES AND GENTS

Take AP classes if available

I took AP Psych (WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and Honors PreCalc (coming from regular Algebra 2)

Psych gave me college credit and a GPA boost

HPC gave me a GPA boost for UCs

It was a bitCH of a class but it made AP calc a breeze

If you haven’t started already, start prepping for SAT/ACT and then take them

tutoring is very helpful, but it can be expensive

I’ve seen studyblrs post about free prep through Kahn Academy and other stuff, so you might have to do a bit of digging but there are tons of resources out there

TAKE PRACTICE TESTS

take one of each first - then focus on the test you did better on

one of my biggest regrets is taking SAT prep instead of ACT prep because my ACT (which I didn’t do specialized prep for) ended up equivalent to my SAT (which I did prep for)

the more you take em the better you get

Studyblr is gr8 for finding test taking tips

If you’re not happy with your score, just take it again! I only took each one once but most people improve their scores if they take it again

I recommend visiting a few universities when you’re on break! Get a feel for what you like and what you don’t like (size, location, public/private, etc) and what kind of school you could get accepted to

you don’t want to end up applying to a billion schools that you wouldn’t even want to go to

private schools like it when you express interest by visiting

so if you’re visiting, make sure you check in so you can be in their system

END OF JUNIOR YEAR - ASK FOR LETTERS OF REC NOW! BY THE FIRST WEEK OF SENIOR YEAR A LOT OF TEACHERS ARE ALREADY TAKING ON TOO MANY LETTERS!

Senior Year (buckle up this section is the longest)

but YAY UR A SENIOR

DO FUN SENIOR YEAR THINGS like my school has all kinds of events for seniors and it’s so great

Remember when I said junior year is the hardest? Yeah well no... 1st semester senior year is SO MUCH WORSE ur in for a lot of fun

Ok seriously - don’t let senioritis get to you first semester

Still take challenging classes! Schools are looking for progression in difficulty

Those mid year transcripts REALLY DO MATTER!

College apps, man

Make sure you’re communicating with your counselor to make sure you have everything ready and on track

like file the FAFSA and CSS (used for lots of privates)

tbh I didn’t think it would help me a lot but it (the CSS) actually did so just do it even if you think you’ll get nothing

Ok so hopefully at this point you have a feel for what schools you are interested in

Things to consider: location, price, size, public/private, difficulty of the application, ranking, program/major you are applying to, campus, overall vibe

I didn’t do any interviews but maybe look into it

Don’t get too comfortable and set reasonable goals - apply to several safety schools, a few good options/could go either way schools, but also a few “reaches”

ESSAYS

I’m no college counselor, but don’t just wing your essays without having an adult/professional look over them

I got lucky - my mom is a professional writer so my family didn’t pay for a counselor

Do your research - you can find so much information about what schools are looking for in essays

If an essay is “optional” DO IT it’s really not optional lol

Keep in mind - these essays are nothing like what you’ve been taught. You don’t have to (and often SHOULDNT) write a 5 paragraph essay with topic sentences relating back to the thesis and evidence, etc. its much more free

think “What is the story I am going to tell?”

get creative - this is hard and takes some time

Think: How am I going to separate myself from thousands of applicants? What is a story that ONLY I can tell?

DO EARLY ACTION FOR AS MANY SCHOOLS AS POSSIBLE!!!

such a relief to knowing you got in somewhere in like,,,, november

acceptance rates are higher for EA

the order from highest to lowest is ED > EA > RD

Early Decision scares me (schools will say they give equal scholarship consideration but lol thats a lie)

but if you have your heart set on a school go ahead

apply to other school just in case, you don’t want to get stuck starting all your apps when a lot of students have already turned them all in

Now that you’re done with applications (whew), the acceptances (and rejection) will start coming!! yay!

ok first for acceptances

those first acceptances are so cool like YAY YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE IM PROUD OF U

as soon as you get your first acceptances really start researching the school more and deciding if you’d REALLY want to go there or not

i know this is hard bc you haven't heard back from all your schools but it’ll make choosing a school so much easier

sadly, not all acceptances are happy tho

like I got accepted to my #1 school but they gave me no money so it was impossible to go

I was so emo for a couple days there

BUT! If you’re serious about it, try appealing for financial aid but keep your expectations low

ok now waitlists

these can be a bit nerve wracking

PLEASE apply for the waitlist right away

at some schools if you dont within a couple days, your application might get thrown out

aaaaand rejections

i dont have a lot to say about this but please dont be too hard on yourself

sometimes its just not meant to be and thats ok!

NOW PICKING A COLLEGE

def the most difficult and mentally draining part for me lol

make sure you really map out everything to consider

net cost (tuition, room & board, books, travel, personal expenses, etc.), size, location, etc.

I personally had this idea that I’d end up at a big school far from home but I’m going to a small school close to home and I’m still super excited!!! So make sure you give every school a second look

APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS!

the essays aren’t usually too bad and sometimes you can just rework your college app essays

you can find them online, your school might have some (like PTA scholarships, band scholarships, etc.)

ok this is the time everyone really gets senioritis

i almost didn’t get senioritis at all lol just because slacking off stressed me out

but please be smart about it dont get rescinded

and lastly have fun! high school really does fly by, it’ll be over before you know it

#lol the senior year part is so much longer than the others #studyblr #high school #high school tips #study tips #studyspo #study motivation

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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You Bring Out the Best in Me (Bengela) - vulnerose

Rambly A.N. - Hi guys! So this is meant to combine two requests I got, one being with Dela having a panic attack and the other with either Shangela/Dela being flirty and the other not noticing until said person finally makes a move. I love reading longer fanfics so I thought rather than giving two short ones, I’d just combine them into one. (And of course, why not both having a crush on each other?) Apologies if any characters here are OOC, I try my best but I haven’t written fanfiction in a long time until recently so my skills are rusty. I’m always up for prompts so if you ever want one just comment on either my posts on the artificalqueens tumblr or AO3, my user is vulnerose there as well. Andddd of course this has nothing to do with any of the people mentioned! Enjoy my loves :)

ALSO if you’d want to see a potential sequel to this just let me know. I’m honestly considering doing it, I loved writing this fic so much.

The pressure was getting too much for Dela to handle.

It was her junior year of high school, where the competition to look as good as possible academically-wise had truly kicked off. Teachers were so much tougher than they had been in the earlier years, and she found herself crying in her bedroom after school. Every. Single. Day.

It wasn’t like Dela wasn’t a good student - she was. She was a straight A all honors student, and had been since middle school. She’d decided to challenge herself to taking four AP classes, thinking she could handle the stress since she’d enjoyed taking AP Euro the previous year. But dear god was she wrong. Bio projects were daily, her APUSH teacher was super demanding and offered no test corrections, statistics was fucking her over mentally, and she could barely write a rhythm in music theory. It was draining her mentally and physically - she had to work her ass off to maintain all As. Even then, her parents still found a way to demand more out of her.

She couldn’t count the number of times she just wanted to sleep, but couldn’t because of a report she needed to write. Dela was notorious for having coffee with her every morning. She didn’t do it purposely or for show, she couldn’t survive a day without a large cup of coffee, since she rarely got more than 5 hours of sleep. In the mornings she’d put layer after layer of concealer under her eyes to cover up the ever growing bags down there, and red-reducing eye drops became her best friend. She surprisingly rarely broke out, maybe a bit of acne here and there but her skin was rather clear.

Despite all the stress eating away at her mentally, she still managed to be the sweet, always delightful girl everyone had come to know her as. She never snapped at anyone, even when they were yelling in her ear and she’d barely had any caffeine. Her image was very important to her, and she stopped at nothing to maintain it.

It was midterm time, the most stressful time of year by far, second of course to finals. Dela had anticipated this week for a bit now, studying hard for long hours and attempting to prepare herself mentally. Each midterm intercepted at least one other, and it wasn’t too long before Dela was aware that she’d be taking all of her midterms on one day. One fucking day. She nearly broke down in tears when she realized this.

The day before midterms started, Dela decided she couldn’t care less and allowed herself to destress completely, as she knew she’d only worsen the upcoming anxiety attacks if she worried over a stupid worksheet right now. The anxiety set in right after school, when she immediately began reading page after page in her history book, doing practice problems, rereading her English novel, practicing her flute, and working on her big bio lab that acted as a midterm that was due tomorrow.

She fell asleep at 4 after being confident she would be alright. She had to wake up at 7.

She walked into the exam room the following day, bags unconcealed, eyes red and puffy, contacts bothering her, and head pounding from a migraine. The second she was handed that paper, anxiety took off and in the most minute moment, her throat felt like it was being suffocated, tears trying to well in her eyes, head more focused on people tapping their stupid fucking feet on the ground. Her fingers and thighs were shaking, completely enslaved to the major panic attack she was experiencing. Her brain was focusing on anything but the paper in front of her. ‘You pulled your ponytail just a TAD too harsh. Now it’ll be the only thing you think about.’

She miraculously survived, and asked immediately afterwards to go to the bathroom. The panic attack was subsiding but fear began to grow again. What if she failed all of them? Would her mom disown her? What if they thought I was cheating because I was looking around the room so often? I couldn’t help myself, right? It was the anxiety, not me right?

Dela locked herself in a stall and just sat there recollecting her thoughts and allowing the panic to subside. God, how she wished someone was here to make her feel better right now. Jinkx had ended up missing midterms incredibly narrowly, as her family’s yearly trip to Seattle had been scheduled to start the day before. Jinkx always had shitty cellular up there so there was no way she’d be talking to her until after the Christmas break ended. Aja was still taking her midterms and so was Trixie, and Alaska was probably too busy with Roxxxy and Detox to watch her cry about her everything.

She pushed at the chipping nail polish on her thumb, sighing heavily as she thought. Nobody really cared for her, did they? Dela always felt that she had a sufficient friend group, people that had her best interests in mind no matter what, but the realization dawned on her that no, no she didn’t. She couldn’t think of one person that would be able to comfort her right now. That person was always Jinkx, but now she had to find a way to deal with her emotional breakdowns on her own until her best friend returned. And she didn’t know how to take that.

That is, of course, until her brain and the voices inside began to taunt her and laugh, saying she was dumb, unlovable, forgettable; the list went on and on and on. Tears began to run down Dela’s cheek as she couldn’t stop the voices from continuing to spew hateful words at her, telling her how she’s a disappointment of a daughter and how all of her friends really just felt sorry for her. That she bombed all of her midterms and she’d be rejected by everyone.

Logically Dela knew it wasn’t true - nobody would hate her for failing a test, but she couldn’t help but believe the other two. Since when had her parents been truly proud of her? And since when did the majority of the girls she called friends ever text or call her? Even hang out with her? She couldn’t think of a time, date, or place.

Dela was fully broken down and worn out, crying from stress and panic and relief and sadness all at once. She’d never truly felt so useless and vulnerable until this day in time. Dela was grateful she hadn’t worn makeup, at least there’d be no tear stains on her skin.

Her crying session was abruptly ended by a voice.

“What’s going on in there mama? Don’t know who’s in there or what’s going on but it’s something. I’m not leaving until I help you darling.”

Dela’s eyes widened as she instantly recognized the voice. Shangela Waldey. Head cheerleader, but in the few times she’s spoken with her, seemed nice. They shared a couple of classes too. Her ugly crying stopped and was replaced by quiet sniffling.

“Honey? C'mon, tell me what’s up. Or come out and I can give you a hug or something.”

A hug did sound pretty nice right now.

Dela came out of the cubicle with her face red, eyes even bluer than usual from crying, and Shangela’s heart broke at the sight. She didn’t know Dela well, but it hurt to see the usually sweet and happy girl stripped down and miserable.

“Oh sweetie…” Shangela’s arms reached out and wrapped around Dela’s body, and Dela felt a sense of comfort and relief. She continued to cry but it definitely wasn’t as audible as it’d been before. Dela tried to avoid crying all over Shangela’s cheerleader uniform but Shangela wasn’t having it and whispered for her to not worry. Shangela rubbed her back to try and relieve the poor girl, wondering who made a girl so precious and gentle cry like this.

“What’s wrong honey? You’re always so happy. Did someone hurt you?” Dela blinked at her, shaking her head slowly, both still keeping the hug.

“Wasn’t anyone. I’m so stressed out Shangela, I just finished taking all my exams today. My brain has been so fried this entire year and I’m really scared that I’m gonna do shit on them.” Dela began to bawl again as she told the girl what was bothering her. Shangela’s hand began to play with Dela’s hair as she continued to listen to the girl talk. “My closest friend is away and I can’t talk to her right now and I feel like nobody cares about me. I can’t think of one person that I could talk to right now, none of them like me. I just feel like a tremendous failure.” Shangela broke the hug, holding one of Dela’s hands in hers, other lightly pointing up Dela’s chin so she could look her straight in the eye.

“Don’t know you that well honey, it’s the truth. But from what I do know, you’re anything but what your brain tells you that you are. I’m sorry you feel that way sweetheart, because it’s not true at all. You’re not a failure, and if you really feel like you don’t have anyone that you can talk to, I’m here.” Dela’s eyes widened slightly - she wasn’t expecting that kind of a response. From the moment Shangela broke the hug she thought she would taunt her and get her popular friends to begin bullying her.

“Got a lot on your mind, don’t you?” Shangela was smiling with both her eyes and mouth, watching Dela stare into space. Dela snapped out of it almost immediately.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.” Dela stopped momentarily to wipe the tears from her eyes before continuing. “Why do you care about me? Like you have so many friends and you’re so popular, why me?”

Shangela couldn’t help but laugh. “Girl you think I give a shit about 99% of the people I hang out with? You can’t trust them with any secrets you got, all they wanna do is get drunk on weekends, they’re barely passing their classes right now, fucking ridiculous. Partying and failing isn’t my schtick, only reason why they keep me around is because without me, there’s no cheerleading team.” Shangela so badly wanted to form a true friendship with someone, and had always found Dela to be a sweetheart - not to mention quite beautiful too - and she couldn’t pass up this opportunity to get to know her better.

Dela sat down on the bench beside them, Shangela joining her, waiting her response. Dela buried her head in Shangela’s shoulder, whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again.

Shangela felt her heart begin to fly, and she couldn’t think of why.

Shangela broke the hug, grabbing Dela’s hand and walking the both of them to the sink. “C'mon honey, let’s get your face washed so you don’t look like a hot mess. If you can let’s hang out after school.”

Dela smiled at her, dousing her face in cold water, feeling energy soar through her as it hit her face. “Sure, that sounds lovely.”

After sharing phone numbers, the two of them grabbed their backpacks, ready to head out after spending far too long in there. Shangela’s hand fumbled in the front pocket of her backpack, searching for a box of Altoids. She took one in her mouth.

“Have one girl, you need it after all the coffee you drink.” She could tell Shangela was being playful - nothing in the blonde’s voice indicated bad intents.

Dela laughed, taking one out and popping it in her mouth, the peppermint freshening her breath.

“See you soon girl,” Shangela waved goodbye, heading out of the bathroom.

Dela’s face was illuminated with the biggest smile it’s ever had. She didn’t really know why. “See you soon,” she whispered back, in the silence of the bathroom.

—————————————————

The past couple of weeks had been some of the best either of them had in their lives. They spent time hanging out as often as they could, and texted on those days they just couldn’t be together in person, especially when Shangela had work. It excited Shangela to have a real person for a friend - not a fake, popularity-obsessed one. She could talk to Dela about seemingly anything, from grades to personal issues and everything in between. Dela always listened and gave her advice when she needed it. Shangela was, for the first time, not feeling left to the side in a friendship. She felt like Dela truly cared about her and her wellbeing.

Dela didn’t know what to expect initially, but had all her doubts and scared about Shangela shut down that first time they hung out after the bathroom incident. She just had an aura consisting of genuine, loving, reality-checking behavior that Dela just loved. Shangela was never one to lie - she always told it how it was and she respected her immensely for that as it’s so easy to lie. She initially thought of Shangela being a substitute for Jinkx but she no longer viewed her in that manner - she was nothing like Jinkx. She was just uniquely Shangela, and when Jinkx returned from Seattle she couldn’t wait to tell her what’d just gone down.

“You’re friends with who?” Jinkx whisper-screamed at Dela, a bewildered look on the ginger’s face as she attempted to take in what Dela had just told her. The two were in Dela’s bedroom for a sleepover, where Dela just unraveled the news to her friend.

Dela snorted at her response. “You heard me.”

“Christ, I leave for one week and a year’s events have gone by. I’m warning you right now, if she ever hurts you or you let her I’m personally beating her into a pulp.” She pointed a finger directly at Dela when she said the last fragment of her sentence, establishing her meaning well and clear.

Dela threw a pillow in her face. “She’s not gonna do that, I promise.”

Jinkx got off the floor, rolling herself into Dela’s bed and shutting off the lamp as she turned on the TV. “Don’t make a promise too soon. Now let’s watch something before I pass out.”

—————————————————

It had been a month since Shangela and Dela had first met that day, and Dela was just now getting to see Shangela’s apartment - purely because the two had to finish a biology project they’d been assigned to work together on.

Shangela fumbled with her keys as Dela stood behind her in the hallway of the building. “It’s not much to look at so don’t be surprised.” Dela laughed as Shangela finally managed to get the door to unlock after numerous tries.

Closing the door behind her, Shangela led Dela around and allowed her to take in her surroundings. The apartment was rather simple - it had both a modern and cozy feel to it. Dela couldn’t help but notice the lack of people in the apartment.

As soon as they got to Shangela’s room, and both of the girls plopped down on her bed, Dela decided to ask her what the deal was with it. “Hey Shangie?”

Shangela’s head turned toward her, putting down her phone. “What’s up sweetheart?”

The cute nickname made Dela’s heart fly, but she tried to not let it be visible. “I’m sorry if this is rude to ask, but you appear to live by yourself, how come?”

If there was one thing that hurt Shangela slightly, it was talking about what had happened between her and her parents. Dela immediately sensed the discomfort on Shangela’s face after she’d asked her the question, and instantly felt like shit. She reached a hand out and rubbed Shangela’s shoulder in a comforting manner.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to Shangie, I’m sorry if I hurt you in anyway.”

“It’s ok, just that it’s hard what I went through with my parents.” Shangela paused momentarily, deciding whether she should say the next thing or not. “Promise you won’t judge me for what I’m about to say?”

“Unless you murdered someone, I have no judgement in my heart towards you,” Dela reassured her, smiling with her eyes.

She took a deep breath before continuing. “So when I was around 13, my mom caught me watching lesbian porn. I’d been doing watching it for a while but I got careless that one day, you know? So then my parents had a long talk with me and sent me to conversion therapy and all that shit,” Shangela took a pause, her eyes beginning to water. She hated the fact that she was about to cry like a baby in front of Dela, but she’d seen the other girl in that state before so she felt less embarrassed.

“Oh no, you poor thing.” Dela immediately engulfed her in a tight hug. “What happened after, since obviously conversion therapy isn’t a scientifically proven way to become straight?”

“I faked that it worked for a while, but last year they caught me kissing a girl and that was their final straw. They kicked me out and I haven’t spoken to any of my family in about a year.” Tears stained Shangela’s cheeks as she thought of her family; all the good memories that made her wish this all hadn’t happened. She really did love and miss her family, but she would have been even more miserable staying in the closet but being with them.

Dela could feel her adrenaline spike as she heard Shangela tell her that she was gay. “I’m gay too and my parents didn’t react well either when I came out. They told me to never talk about it again or they would throw me in the streets. I know exactly how you feel, there’s just so much hate and ignorance in this world, it sucks.”

Shangela couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief pass through her body as Dela told her that she was in the closet as well, and how she didn’t just get up and leave. Of course Dela wouldn’t do the latter - she knew the girl well enough by now to know that she doesn’t judge a soul - and she honestly wasn’t expecting her to tell her that she was gay as well.

“We really are the same, aren’t we?” Dela laughed, punching her arm lightly.

“Now I can send you pictures of girls that I think are hot,” Dela told her, winking.

Shangela couldn’t help but smile as she saw her wink. It gave shy, cunning, and flirty all at once.

Maybe it means something… maybe it doesn’t.

“Cmon girl, we all know I’m the standard of beauty.”

“Wow, society’s standards are that low?” Shangela’s mouth gaped at Dela’s answer, the once silent room filling with laughs and guffaws.

“Fucking bitch. Let’s get started with this bio project and make it good so we don’t hear Smith lecturing our asses on how we’ll fail the AP test.” Shangela couldn’t thank Dela enough for brightening up the mood, but now it was time to come up with a project worthy of at least a passing grade.

“Boo,” Dela pouted, sighing as she went to get her laptop.

“Hurry back quick so we can start baby.”

Dela was now incredibly grateful she had her back turned to Shangela so she couldn’t see how much that nickname made her blush. She returned, both laptop and her bio binder in hand and sat on the bed once more, Shangela having wiped her face of the tear-stained foundation and runny mascara and eyeliner from crying, yet chose to reapply her red lipstick. Dela couldn’t help but notice how good of a color red was on her.

“I like that lipstick shade on you, it looks so beautiful.” Dela had been pulling up the rubric to see exactly what they had to accomplish - and of course they got the project focusing on sex cells.

“Thank you darling, maybe I’ll give it to you one day,” Shangela spoke, wrapping her arm around Dela’s waist and looking on with her at the screen. Was that flirtation in her voice? No - couldn’t be, probably just meant she’d buy it for her birthday or something. The arm was an innocent gesture but she couldn’t help but feel her heart burst from it. Oh god, why was she getting so enamored by Shangela all of a sudden? She’d always acted this way around her - it meant nothing one way or the other, right?

What was this girl doing to her?

Dela couldn’t say anything else besides, “Let’s get this started.”

And so they did.

—————————————————

“Dela? Earth to Dela?” Jinkx waved a hand in front of Dela’s face, who’d been staring at her locker for the past five minutes. Dela immediately sprung back to life, twisting the combination.

“Sorry, lot on my mind right now. You have time to talk?” She shoved several books in and slammed the locker shut with her foot.

“Sure do. Let’s walk to the coffee shop, you can talk to me about your issues throughout the journey,” the redhead replied, tapping the top of Dela’s head. Dela couldn’t help but notice Shangela walk right by the two of them as they neared the front door. She winked at Dela, then began heading toward the gym, presumably for cheer practice.

Jinkx had noticed as well, and gave Shangela a confused look to her back. Nonetheless, they walked out together and Dela began the long process of explaining everything happening to her to Jinkx.

“So basically I wanna tell you something she told me the other day but promise you won’t tell anyone about it? Like, ever since I’ve known this I’ve been feeling weird things towards her and I don’t know why.”

“My lips are sealed doll.” The two decided to sit down on a bench in the park, which happened to be right by the café they’d been headed to. The ginger played with the rips in her jeans, still looking at Dela, fully alert.

Dela whispered so that nobody besides the two of them could hear. “We came out to each other. I’m only whispering in case she isn’t out yet.” Her voice leveled to a normal speaking voice. “Now I feel like everything she does is flirty, and I don’t know if I’m just being too hopeful or there might be something there.”

“What sorts of things are making you think she might like you?”

“She calls me these really sweet nicknames and I blush every time she calls me them. Like she calls me baby and darling all the time and I haven’t heard her say my actual name since the first day we met.”

Jinkx’s fingers moved onto scraping the black nail polish she had on. “Hmmm, that’s tricky because a lot of people do that sort of nickname thing with close friends. I mean, I do it to you on the daily. Buttt, it can be a sign. Give me the rundown on the rest.”

Dela began to count off with her fingers as she recited. “She gets kinda touchy with me, she’s always in the mood to hang out with me, I told her how nice her lipstick looked on her and she said she’d give it to me and I don’t know whether it’s a pass or not, you know?” She got frustrated with herself as she realized that her potential signs just sounded like Shangela being a good friend, which of course she was. “It’s so hard to explain, but I just feel like she does.”

“I bet you there’s one very obvious sign that you’ve forgotten. Think Dela, think,” Jinkx persuaded her, knowing there’s got to be one key factor to making the final verdict.

Dela hesitated for a moment, before speaking. “I mean, she’s cried in front of me, but I don’t think that’s a sign? I know she’s not known for crying but that didn’t seem like a sign to me, maybe it is.”

Jinkx’s eyes widened. “Oh no honey, she loves you. Shangela hasn’t cried in front of anyone in this school since pre-k. Which I commend her for, I can’t go for even a month without crying.” Dela felt her heartbeat speed up. “But the question is, do you like her? And I already know the answer to that, you do. Make a move on her before she thinks you’re not interested. That probably won’t end pretty.”

“You support me being with her?” Dela almost felt the eyeroll Jinkx gave her in response.

“As long as you’re happy with it, I don’t give a shit you do. But mark my words, if Shangela Wadley ever even thinks of hurting you, I will make sure she gets it.” Dela smiled, hugging her.

“Thanks dude.”

“No problem, I love being the third wheel,” Jinkx spoke, sarcastic. “You can get your girl after we finish this shift.”

Dela sighed, annoyed, as she’d forgotten completely about their shift. “Three hours of hell and I can go over to her house.”

The two got up and began heading toward the coffee shop, where they both worked. “What’re you gonna do there with her?”

“I’m addicted to Game of Thrones thanks to her now, so we planned on watching it for a movie night. Maybe a special topic will be brought up.” Dela looked at Jinkx and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Ah yes, that topic being on the role of the nucleus in a cell?”

“Sure,” Dela rolled her eyes as Jinkx laughed, both reaching the glass entrance door of the coffee shop simultaneously.

“You’re so in love.”

—————————————————

“Hey girl!” Shangela greeted Dela in pajama pants and a t-shirt, hair up in a bun. Her look may be seen as lazy and boring to others, but Dela saw her looking equally beautiful as she did all made up. Shangela enveloped Dela in a hug.

“Hi Shangie!” Dela’s hair was wet and cold against Shangela’s scalp - she’d probably just washed it - and Shangela didn’t care one bit. It was unlike her and she knew that - cold wet hair was her worst enemy.

Everything is appealing when it’s done by the one you love, isn’t it? Shangela shook that thought out of her head. It was time to accept the fact that Dela had no feelings for her in that way and just thought of her as a close friend. The thought of that pained her, but she felt like it was obvious at this point. Dela probably would have made a move on her by now if she liked her, as Shangela thought her flirting made it clear that Shangela liked the other girl.

God, she really needed to get out of her head for a second, didn’t she?

“Hey girl, need help with your stuff?” Shangela asked, noticing Dela carrying a bag with night clothes, which appeared to be rather heavy. Dela shook her head in refusal, but her eyes glimmered, thanking her for the offer.

“Can I leave this in your room?” Shangela waved her off, giving the signal to do whatever the hell she wanted. Dela ran across the living room to the bedroom, plopping the bag on her bed before coming back to the couch where Shangela was sitting, curled up in a blanket. “How rude of you to not give me one too.” Shangela laughed.

“Girl please. Go steal one from my room.” And so she did.

Dela returned with a blue blanket, with the pattern being the phrase ‘Halleloo!’ written all over it. “The most Shangela one I could find,” Dela mumbled while curling herself into a ball with the blanket, her head lying on top of Shangela’s lap purposely as the two sat on the couch. The blanket smelled like her too, and Dela couldn’t get enough.

Shangela ruffled Dela’s hair, smiling at the girl. “Excellent choice dear. Let’s watch this shit now.” Dela wooed in response.

For the next hour or so, the two girls stared at the screen, Shangela making remarks on how she was literally Daenerys or how she was the mother of the dragons. Dela would just smile in response, enjoying the sweet moment as Shangela gently stroked her hair, treating her with care and caution. The tension between the two was clearly thick to anyone but them. After a second episode had concluded, Dela flipped her body around so she was facing Shangela, but her head still in her lap. Shangela looked at her confusingly, the movement drawing her attention away from the credits.

“I wanna ask you something,” Dela said, looking up into Shangela’s eyes, who at this point had retracted her hand from the other.

“What’s up?”

“Do you like anyone?” Um, duh, is what Shangela wanted to say, but she couldn’t bring herself to be that brash. Hesitation evident, she eventually responded.

“Mhm.”

“Cool, I do too.” That phrase had sunk any hopes Shangela had of Dela liking her, and all she wanted to do was cry. “Let’s play a game.”

Shangela raised her eyebrows at her. “A game? What do you mean?”

“Like,” Dela paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before sitting up, “We each reveal one characteristic of the person we like so we can guess who the other likes. We say 5 qualities and at the end we have to guess.”

Fuck it, why not? “You go first darling.”

“Sure.” Dela was happy yet extremely nervous, wondering if her plan would blow over. “She has blonde hair.”

“What a specific quality.” Dela smirked. “She has black hair.

Dela thought for a moment before saying the next trait. “Her first name is eight letters long.” Shangela raised an eyebrow at her. Ok work, she thought. Shangela barely knew how to spell her own name, let alone the number of letters in it.

“Hers is four letters long.” Dela wanted to gape, but knew she couldn’t. Who else had black hair and a four letter name?

“Hmmm, she’s a cheerleader. A pretty good one at that.” Shangela was almost positive she could hear her heart pounding out of her chest when Dela said that. It’s gotta be her, there was literally no other person in the school it could be.

Shangela thought for a moment before saying the next hint. This could either blow up in her face or make her the happiest person in the world. “She was crying in the bathroom about finals one day and I helped her out.” Shangela both couldn’t wait to see Dela’s reaction and feared it.

She felt Dela’s hand graze hers, and was petrified as Dela hadn’t responded right away. Dela’s other hand brushed the curly blonde hair out of her face and stroked her cheek lightly.

“It’s me huh?” Dela asked her in a faint voice. Shangela wanted to roll her eyes so hard at that question. No, it’s the fucking Pope.

“Mhm, if you don’t feel the same I’ll never mention this aga-” Shangela had been cut off by Dela pressing her lips against her own. Her body had tensed up immediately before relaxing into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Dela. Everything felt right. Dela’s lips were warm and so soft, and her thumb continued stroking Shangela’s cheek as the two shared the first out of many tender moments.

Dela broke it, tears welling up in her eyes as she realized the reality of this. This girl loved her. She vowed to herself to treat her like a goddess, as she deserved nothing less than that.

“It’s so early but I want to let you know that I love you, and I have for the past couple of months. You’ve made my life so much better and I feel genuinely happy whenever I’m around you, it’s not the fake kind that I give to most of the people in school,” Dela didn’t look Shangela in the eyes speaking this, focusing on chipping the nail polish on her fingers. Shangela tightened her grip on Dela, rubbing her back with her hand lightly and stroking through her hair with the other.

“Same here baby. I love you so much, and I hope you know that. You bring out the best in me.” Dela gave her that smile - that beautiful fucking smile that she loved so much - and buried her face into Shangela’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe it took us so long to admit it to each other,” Dela said, breaking the silence they’d had momentarily. Shangela leaned in to give her another warm peck on the lips before agreeing with her.

“Whatever, we have each other now and I can shower you in love.” Dela smiled against the skin on Shangela’s shoulder.

“Sounds great.”

Shangela turned off the TV, lifting the girl still wrapped in her blanket as she shuffled her way to her bedroom, still wearing hers. Dela kisses the same spot on her cheek repeatedly throughout the short journey, and let out a whine when Shangela released her from her grip, leaving her on the bed under the covers. She removed the blankets from their bodies and discarded them haphazardly across her room. Shangela joined her in the bed, Dela snuggling up against her warm body as Shangela hugged her tight, pressing a kiss into her neck before beginning to doze off.

As they began to fall asleep, they were over the moon as they were finally able to lie in bed with the one they loved.

—————————————————

After that weekend, they made a promise to each other to not keep it a secret. Of course, not rub it in everyone’s faces, but to not avoid little things like holding each other’s hands in the halls or sneaking kisses when nobody was looking (or so they thought).

That Monday morning, Jinkx was all but shocked seeing the new couple hugging in front of Dela’s locker, which wasn’t too far from Jinkx’s. She smirked at Dela, mouthing 'I told you so!’ before being waved off by a flip of the middle finger by Dela.

Eventually, the two had to part, as they had different home rooms. Their different classes didn’t stop them from all their thoughts being consumed by one another.

Lunch time rolled around, and Dela was thoroughly surprised when she saw a particular girl with winged eyeliner and red lipstick coming her way. “Oh look who decided to join me for once?” She spoke teasingly, Shangela rolling her eyes.

Shangela sat next to her. “I don’t give a fuck about my old 'friend’ group anymore.” Shangela said, emphasizing the word friend with finger quotation marks. “I have you and I really don’t care what they have to say about me anymore.” Dela looked lovingly into Shangela’s eyes before pressing her lips against hers. People were probably staring but they didn’t care - let them stare.

They pulled apart way too quickly for either of their likings, but neither girl wanted to get in trouble by the staff. Dela’s lips had become a faint red from her lipstick and Shangela loved the way it looked on her more than anything.

“I’m getting you to wear red lipstick soon, it looks so nice on you.” At this moment, Jinkx and the rest of Dela’s small friend group had joined the table, everyone but the three who knew gaped at the situation. Shangela simply smiled and greeted them all warmly, getting to know the rest of Dela’s friends. Some of the popular group that had been used to Shangela being with them had caught notice of the situation.

“The fuck is she doing?” Violet questioned to Ginger and Manila, confused as hell as to why Shangela was hanging out with new people, much less why she was getting all touchy with a band nerd - Dela. “What’s gonna happen to the cheer team now?”

Both girls were about to agree with her when a voice came up behind them. “I’m fine with it. She looks really happy.” Manila turned her head to see who was speaking.

It was Raja.

“But-” Ginger began to speak before Raja shut her down.

“Honey she’s never looked happier than she does right now. Let her live. Shangela’s staying on the team, she told me.”

The trio nodded their heads reluctantly, continuing to watch the scene a bit more before turning back to their table.

Despite attempting to focus her attention on the new girls, Shangela’s mind and eyes would always go back to Dela. She couldn’t help herself, and Dela winked at her when the period was close to being over, letting her head rest on Shangela’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around her waist. Shangela looked at her, her heart being warmed as Dela’s beautiful blue eyes sparkled and glittered at her. She was perfect.

“You guys are so fucking cute,” Aja said. The whole table noticed the scene occurring when Aja had pointed it out and began squealing. Dela’s face flushed with embarrassment, but Shangela, being the girl she was, leaned in to kiss her. The squeals turned into 'aw’s and they pulled apart at the exact moment the bell rang.

Although they had to part ways since they didn’t share their last two classes together, Shangela followed her to the band room, not caring if she was late. Dela refused to let her but Shangela was resilient.

As they turned a corner, Dela mumbled, “I love you,” into Shangela’s ear. The shorter of the two whispered the same thing back, and there they were at Dela’s stop.

“So movie date tonight?” Shangela asked her. The two didn’t have plans but fuck it, why not make some?

“By movie you mean Game of Thrones? Of course. I’m surprised you’re not sick of me after being around me literally twenty-four seven.”

“I could never get sick of you, you stole my cold dead heart. Now go in before your teacher yells at you.” Shangela stood on her tippy toes, pressing a kiss into Dela’s hair before running off before she was insanely late. Dela’s face had a bright smile plastered on it, her heart warm and full.

She was perfect.

#vulnerose #dela x shangela #lesbian au #high school au #slow burn #tw mentioned homophobia #fluff #bendelacreme #shangela laquifa wadley #jinkx monsoon #manila luzon #raja gemini #Aja #violet chachki #ginger minj #rpdr fanfiction #submission #tw panic attack #as3

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mandys-studyblr · 2 years

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2/14/22- hi everyone!! i’m sorry that i haven’t posted in a few months, but a lot of stuff has happened to me that’s made me lose my motivation. i started new classes since i last posted, which are exploring computer science (my only non honors or ap class this year), honors chemistry II, and honors english 10!! today i had an unexpected snow day, which was nice, considering the fact that i have a lot of stuff to get done this week. i had to do chapter work for apush, and i got some of the reading guide for this period done at the same time. i wanted to read chapter 2 of 1984 to get a bit ahead, since that’s what my class is reading now, but i ended up not having enough time. i already read it last year though, so i’m already way more ahead than the rest of my class lol. 1984 is such an interesting book, and i’m glad i get to read it as a part of my actual class. i also wanted to start working on my apush project that’s due thursday where i have to become mark twain, but i didn’t have time for that either. i still think i was fairly productive though. i have drama every night this week and more chapter work due thursday, but i’m confident that if i work really hard, i’ll be able to get it done like i normally do. a bit off topic, but i got 100% on both parts of my latest apush test!! i don’t know how much he curved it (or if he curved it at all), but i’m proud of myself either way. on the subject of reading, i really really want to start american psycho sometime this week (maybe in advisory tomorrow?), but i don’t know if i’ll be able to. anyways, i hope you guys have a great week!! hopefully, i’ll post at least once this week :)

currently reading 📖: “1984” by george orwell

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xraex · 3 years

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Great Minds Think Alike: 005

“Jisung, you’ll never believe this,” said Renjun excitedly as he went to sit next to the younger in art class which they had before lunch.

Jisung raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

Renjun started taking his sketchbook and pens out of his bag. “You know the new kid that I had to tour this morning? His name is Zhong Chenle, and he’s about your age.”

“Really? I haven’t seen him.”

“Well, yeah, of course you haven’t.” The older waved Jisung off. “He actually skipped a grade and he’s an honor student who takes like all APs. I never would have guessed because he’s literally like a baby to me.”

“Cool, he’s smart.” Jisung gave his friend a look even though he was kind of interested in this Chenle kid. “What’s your point?”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “My point is that he’s exactly your type.”

The younger perked up slightly at that as nobody at their school seemed to satisfy him, but he shook his head anyway. “You know relationships aren’t really my thing, right?”

“I know, but you should still try to talk to him,” Renjun suggested as the teacher walked in. “He needs friends too.”

The bell rang, signalling the start of class.

“Fine,” Jisung muttered under his breath for only Renjun to hear. “But only if I get to see him in the first place.”

After class, the two friends parted ways for lunch.

Renjun left for the cafeteria while Jisung went to go get his math stuff.

As Jisung unlocked his locker and got his textbook out, an unwanted presence appeared in the almost empty hallway.

He internally groaned once he heard high pitched giggling coming from behind him.

Gritting his teeth, Jisung slammed the locker closed and turned to face his worst nightmare with a fake smile plastered on his face.

“Hello, ladies.” Jisung looked down towards the group of girls crowded around him. “Can I help you?”

One of the girls sashayed to the front of the crowd. “You could help me by giving me your number.”

Jisung was quite popular at school because he was the hot and young captain of the dance team, but he never let the fame get to him as he’s normally a kind and understanding person who accepts anyone no matter their differences.

Jisung sighed in annoyance. “How many times do I have to say this? I don’t like you.”

When I said he was a kind and understanding person who accepts anyone no matter their differences, I was only partly wrong.

There are always exceptions.

“You’re not gay, are you?” The girl flipped her bleached blonde hair over her shoulder and smirked. “Come on, I know I’m exactly your type.”

Jisung cringed. “Ew, no thanks.”

The other girls were now trying to woo him over since the first one failed.

Jisung actually did have a type, and it was definitely none of the girls in front of him.

He hated how this specific group would bully and talk shit about other people and how they acted dumb for attention.

Besides, he was more attracted to intelligence.

“I don’t have time for this,” Jisung groaned as he still had somewhere to be and pushed past the girls. “I have school work to do.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have been that harsh on them, he thought as he went into a different hallway towards the math classroom.

Unfortunately, Jisung wasn’t looking where he was going, and he didn’t see the person walking in front of him after he turned the corner.

The black-haired boy Jisung ran into let out a screech that sounded like a dolphin as they started falling backwards.

It was like time stopped when Jisung’s panicked eyes met the other boy’s soft brown ones for a split second.

Jisung was immediately hit with the sweet scent of strawberries, feeling himself getting addicted to the smell.

He then remembered that they were falling, and he closed his eyes as he braced for impact, his bag and textbook already lying forgotten on the ground.

Jisung instinctively grabbed the boy’s tiny waist, not wanting him to get hurt as his back collided with the floor.

Opening his eyes, he wasn’t surprised that his vision was blurred from the overwhelming sense of pain he felt, but he could tell one thing judging by the warm minty breath fanning his face.

Their lips were only an inch apart from each other.

Before Jisung could ask if the boy was alright, the black-haired scrambled off of him.

“S-Sorry!” the boy stammered before helping Jisung up and running off.

Jisung, still dazed from the fall, blinked away the blurriness and watched as the other left the hallway, only catching a glimpse of floofy black hair and milky white skin.

For some reason, the boy’s voice was oddly cute and vaguely familiar.

Jisung shook himself out of his thoughts before picking his stuff up off the floor and heading towards Mr. Choi’s room.

I didn’t even get to see what he looked like. He pouted. Or get his name….

—

“You think Mr. Seo found out about us leaving yesterday?” Donghyuck asked as he, Jisung, Jeno, and Jaemin walked out of the elective hall.

“Probably.” Jeno shrugged, indifferent to the whole ordeal. “I mean, why else would we be going there in the first place?”

The four of them were called out of dance practice, which they had after school, suddenly, and they were told to change back into their school uniforms as they weren’t coming back.

The group entered the English classroom and was met by Mr. Seo sitting on the teacher's desk whilst looking at his phone.

They all stopped in the door frame, not knowing whether or not to signal the older that they were there.

“Go ahead and take a seat,” Mr. Seo spoke without looking up. “You can do your homework while we wait on the others.”

Others? Donghyuck mouthed as they all looked at each other with confusion before walking inside completely.

Jaemin shrugged at him as they all sat down in the back row.

They all did what the teacher asked and got out whatever homework they needed to finish.

Jisung looked up from his biology notes and saw Mr. Seo impatiently tapping his foot while looking at his wristwatch.

He felt himself shiver as it gave him an uneasy feeling.

Meanwhile, the Korean class Mark and Renjun were in was interrupted by someone opening the door and walking inside.

“Lele!” The nickname could be heard throughout the room as a black haired boy entered.

Chenle had grown to be quite known around the school because of his cute looks and intelligence, so everyone adored him at this point.

Around lunch, he could hear the whispers about him going from mouth to mouth of different students he didn’t even know.

“Hi hi~” Chenle gave the students an adorable smile that reached his eyes, making everyone and the teacher coo.

“Why aren’t you taking this class?” someone asked him.

“I’m actually fluent, so I don’t need this class quite honestly,” Chenle answered politely as the students' sounds of amazement could be heard throughout the room.

“Why are you taking this class?” Mark asked Renjun while Chenle was bombarded with questions. ”Aren’t you fluent too?”

“I am, but if I take this class, I get an extra A grade.”

The younger leaned back in his chair as Mark gave him a look.

“What?” Renjun rolled his eyes. “I’m flunking math.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, but I actually came with a message from Mr. Seo.” Chenle cut off a student asking him something as he looked around the room for two specific people. “He wants to see Mark and Renjun.”

The aforementioned looked at each other before standing up and walking over to the front with their stuff.

Chenle slightly bowed his head to the class before the trio left the classroom.

“Thank the lord. I thought I was going to die of boredom,” Renjun said as he smiled widely. “Anyways, why does Mr. Seo want to see us? He doesn’t stick around after school unless we have detention.”

Mark paused suddenly and turned towards Chenle with wide eyes. “We don’t have detention, do we?”

The youngest giggled. “No, you’re not in trouble. He just… needs you guys for something, but he didn’t tell me what for.”

“Sounds suspicious, but okay,” said Renjun with a nod.

“I know right? I haven’t talked to him since freshman year,” Mark agreed as a notification popped up on Chenle’s phone.

“I just got accepted in the robotics team!” The black-haired grinned excitedly before looking up from his phone. “Apparently, they want me to be their captain.”

“Nice!” Renjun squealed, which is not a Renjun-thing to do (unless Nomin... 😳), as he pinched the boy’s rosy cheeks. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

“Jeno and Jaemin would be so jealous if they heard you say that,” Mark chuckled and then ruffled Chenle’s hair even though the younger was taller than him. “Congratulations, Lele. I guess we should probably get going now. I don’t want to keep Mr. Seo waiting.”

Renjun patted Chenle’s shoulder. “We’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yeah.” The boy nodded before putting his phone away. “Later….”

When they parted ways, Chenle went into a different hallway as the other two left for the English classroom on the complete opposite side of the school.

Chenle looked around to see if anyone was within listening range, and once he was sure no one was there, he leaned against the lockers and let out a breath.

He tapped his invisible ear-piece. “Test subjects 019 and 020 are on their way.”

“Roger that,” replied the person on the other line. “How much longer do we have until the countdown sequence?”

Chenle narrowed his eyes after checking his watch. “It says it just started.”

“IT WHAT?”

The boy flinched from the sudden shout ringing through his head. “Yeah, but I swear it wasn’t like that befo—”

“Shit, Taeyong’s gonna kill me for this.”

“Jae, you have time—”

“Come back as soon as possible. I’m teleporting there right now,” Jaehyun asserted sternly. “I’ll deal with this myself.”

Chenle sighed once the line cut out.

He looked down at his watch again to see the timer displaying 5 more minutes.

Ugh, that chicken. It must have malfunctioned once I ran into Jisung. He shook his head, heart racing slightly as he remembered how close he was to the younger. I should really be more careful next time.

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Chapter Index

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