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danses-with-dogmeat · 3 years

Note

could you write the sensory overload prompt with fallout new vegas companions as well (including benny)? and maybe butch deloria if thats not too much ^^

Romanced! FO3 & FONV Companions React to Autistic!Six/Lone with Sensory Overload Anxiety

Whoops, I ended up doing all of the companions from FO3 as well, my bad 🤷‍♀️

But here they are! Thank you so much for the ask, and I hope you enjoy!

This prompt with FO4 R!Companions

FONV

Arcade:

The doctor would want to help, would actually know how to help, but he may just get overwhelmed as well. He tends to focus on Six themself, rather than the situation surrounding them, that’s where the panic tends to get to him. But Six, he can deal with. If possible, he will try to remove his companion from their stressful surroundings, but whether or not he is able, Arcade tries to stay calm, using his voice, and breathing techniques and exercises he’s read about to try and deflate their rising anxieties. He tends to make sarcastic comments in the aftermath, more so to expel his own pent up anxiety than to help Six, but they don’t need to know that.

Benny:

He's scared out of his mind the first time it happens. Six is pretty much invincible in his eyes, so this… just being around loud noises and such? That's what's rustling their jimmies? Wack. For a small moment, he feels like it's his fault, and even after the courier informs him that this is just a part of who they are, that they have always been this way, he still feels another dizzying pang of regret, knowing that a couple of bullets to the brain probably couldn't have helped their preexisting condition in any way. Over time, he'd get better about helping to calm his partner down, but he starts out rather overbearing, touching them too much, talking too quickly, having a panicked reaction that tends to only escalate the sensory overload they're experiencing. At least Six wouldn't have to worry about their safety in a combat situation with the Ben-man at their side. He's one of the best shots in the Mojave (if not the best). No one is getting past him. He may be an old hat when it comes to injuring Six, but he'll be hot diggidy damned if he's gonna let someone else lay a finger on them under his watch.

Boone:

First off, the sniper would try to prevent Six from entering into any stress-filled situations at all, reminding them that he is more dangerous from a distance anyway. However, he knows that, in the Mojave, avoiding dangerous or overwhelming environments altogether is damn near impossible, so he’ll try to be prepared. He’s dealt with his own vicious bouts of PTSD long enough to have developed coping mechanisms to help him, and has actively used tools like sunglasses and ear plugs in his time with the 1st Recon, which he would recommend to them as well. Boone would approach his partner in their time of need, trying to refrain from being overbearing, but ultimately his support wouldn’t waver as he helped Six try to come down from their state of panic.

Cass:

She honestly doesn't understand how Six has been able to survive in this world with their sensory overload anxiety, and she respects them even more now that she knows they have managed to. She may not be the best at helping them handle their stress, so she usually leaves Six to their own devices while she works on removing anything that could be causing her partner's apprehension. Once the threat is gone, she'll stand nearby until Six has managed to calm themself down, just to cover them and keep an eye out. When it seems to be over, she likes to bring them somewhere to unwind; and enjoys simply sitting with them and maybe having a drink or two as they recover their strength, and bearings.

Raul:

He’ll talk them through the whole ordeal. Is he nervous about their state of panic? Probably. But his partner doesn’t need to know that. The ghoul doesn’t know a lot in terms of dealing with meltdowns, but for Six, he’ll try. Whatever sort of exercises they start to engage in to get their anxiety under control, he’ll be beside them, trying to participate, to help them through it if they seem to be struggling. He’ll get better at dealing with it over time, but it always scares him a bit to see his partner this way. Evidently, he will become more and more aware of his surroundings the more they travel together, and will try to keep them away from the situations he finds tend to set them off.

Veronica:

Whatever it was that seemed to have Six panicked, Veronica would seek to expel it in whatever way she can (but she's most enthusiastic when it involves punching). Her physical assault of the enemies responsible would be relentless, but should the episode be caused by something else, Veronica would be less comfortable dealing with it, but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t try. She mostly leaves Six to figure out their meltdown on their own, maybe going through breathing exercises with them and sticking by their side, but letting them calm themself of their own accord. Her involvement with the Berotherhood has taught her enough to know not to add any pressure to someone enduring this amount of stress. However, when they do eventually tell her that they are through the worst of it, she would try to give them some form of physical contact to help reassure them that she’s there for them, if they are comfortable with it.

FO3

Butch:

He’s known Lone a long time, and since they were kids, he’s been learning about the sort of situations that set them off. Now that they’re together, he’ll try his hardest to think back to all the times they were overwhelmed, and would attempt to keep them from these types of environments as best as he can. That doesn’t always work though, given the differences between the vault and the unpredictable outside world. Despite this, he also tends to remember the way their father used to help them when they became panicked like this, and will try to replicate these actions in order to best help his companion. Once he's succeeded in helping them calm down, they might have to return the favor, as their panic tends to do a number on Butch. Though he has seen them in such a state more than a few times, that doesn’t mean he likes it one bit, or will ever be truly used to it.

Charon:

Calm and collected as ever, Charon would systematically eliminate all stressful factors that could be affecting Lone. When he had seen to that task, he would turn to his partner, standing by their side and waiting for direction of how best he could help them. If they can recover on their own, he’ll be nearby to cover them, but if they are in need of his assistance, as long as they tell him what they need, he will oblige. In the aftermath of Lone’s meltdown, Charon would keep his blue eyes locked on them as his worry wears away at his stoic exterior. They will need to tell him that they are okay, or else he will refuse to carry on with their travels. Until he knows they can handle it, he won’t allow them to set off again.

Clover:

The poor thing would do everything wrong in this instance. She would try so damn hard to help her partner in their time of need, but ultimately she would prove to only add to the list of overwhelming factors surrounding Lone. As soon as she saw the panic wash over her companion, she would be by their side, speaking to them quickly, and as quietly as she could, but her own anxiety would cause a high pitch to sound from her throat as she tried to talk her companion down, running her hands over their arms as she does her best to support them, her frantic touches only serving to quicken their heartbeat further as they felt trapped by her concerned caresses. Once Lone finally does manage to settle down, Clover would be almost hurt by their lack of reciprocation when she tried to aid them; that is, until Lone explains to her that there are better ways for her to help. Now Clover just has to remember this for future instances...

Cross:

She’s been a soldier long enough to know how to deal with stress on the battlefield, but it’s somehow different when it’s her partner going through the ordeal. She’ll be uncharacteristically tender as she takes them through the motions she was taught to use in order to calm her fellow soldiers’ nerves. Her voice would remain soft, her touches gentle, her brows knitted together in concern until Lone finally showed signs of calming down. The paladin would release a long breath, as though finally expelling her own apprehension at the situation, and then would straighten herself up, returning to the seasoned soldier she was in order to face whatever was left of the situation at hand.

Fawkes:

The super mutant has a difficult time with subdelty, and would be worried about overwhelming Lone from his own loud tendencies. Should they start becoming uncomfortable while in his presence, he would actually distance himself from them, trying to turn away any additional factors that could be playing a part in their overload. Once they appear to have calmed themself, Fawkes will check in, apologize, and ask if there was anything he could do to prevent such occurrences from happening while they are in his company.

Jericho:

Fucking hell. We live in the Capital Wasteland. The whole damn place is just one big ass stressful situation. Are they serious?! He’d be confused, and a little pissed off, but if he has a soft spot for anyone, it’s Lone. Dammit. He won’t really know what to do, but he’ll try his best to cover them and keep them from harm’s way as they attempt to calm down and deal with their overload. Afterwards, he’ll gruffly ask if they’re okay, telling them that what they did could’ve gotten them killed, his expression would be a combination of sternness and annoyance, but his body would betray him as it shook in relief at the sight of his companion standing uninjured in front of him. Jericho would nod for the pair to continue on their way impatiently, but his eyes wouldn’t leave Lone as they set off in front of him, concern shining in their depths when he knew no one was there to see it.

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freddiekluger · 3 years

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Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

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thewritingstar · 4 years

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Paper Hearts

Pairing: Buttercup x Butch (butchercup)

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls

Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @over-under-through1 This was super fun to do and even though I rewrote it over and over, I think this is the soft and sassy greens we all have been wanting. Thank you to miss grace for commissioning me!!!

------

“Did you get the answer to problem six?” Blossom asked.

Butch moved his pen towards the problem and relized that he hadn’t even finished the two before it. His lab partner just gave him a disappointed glare before moving on to do it herself.

“You’re spacing out again Butch.” Blossom stated.

“I’m not spacing out.” He said without even giving her a glance.

“For starters you are doodling little hearts in green ink instead of finishing the problem.” Blossom pointed out.

He glanced at his marked up paper. Green ink lined the margins with little hearts that he subconsciously made and he tore it out of the notebook before flipping to a fresh page and jotting down the rest of the questions.

A small giggle came from the other side of the table and he looked to see the pink puff hiding the noise behind her hand.

“What's so funny?” He tried to give her a cold stare that would scare the average person but had no effect on her.

“I just think its funny how you are considered one of the toughest people on the planet and yet you can’t even ask a girl out.” She snickered as she scribbled down more answers flawlessly.

Butch rolled his eyes and grunted. The smirk displayed on the puffs face was making him see red and possibly attack that bow as if he were a bull in a ring. “I’m not a pussy if that's what you’re thinking Pink.” He sneered with little to no reaction from her. “I could easily ask out any chick I wanted. Piece of cake.”

Her pen was set down and she folded her arms. “Alright then, then do it.”

“Easy peasy.” He scoffed and looked around the library. Luckily for him all the libraries held a pleather of selection and he thanked college for the assortment. A few tables ahead of them was a girl. She was busy with her head in a book and he began to get up.

“That's not what I meant Butch.” Blossom said as she trapped his foot under her heel.

His butt plopped back into the chair. “You said ask a girl out, that's what I’m doing.”

The redhead raised her brow before leaning over and grabbing the crumpled paper from his bag, along with several other papers that had various hearts and doodles all made from green ink. A small tint of red dusted his cheeks as more and more papers came undone.

“Ask her out.” She pointed to the paper. “You might think you’re fooling everyone else but I know you have, dare I even say, the hots for my sister.”

His eyes widened at the statement. “Excuse me?” He scoffed before grabbing the papers back into the bag where they belonged. “I do not have a crush on your sister, let alone my best friend.”

Blossom leaned back in her chair and twirled a pen between her fingers. If there was one thing Blossom was good at besides being the leader of the most powerful group of superheroes and organizing homework, it was getting the truth.

His eyes matched against the pink gaze and he could feel the sweat on his forehead as she continued to size him up.

“Really?” She broke their staring match. “Alright then.” She went back to her chemistry lab.

“Okay fine.” He grunted. He looked around the room hoping that no one would hear them but luckily it was pretty empty during this time and no one had the luxury of super hearing like them. “I like her, so what?”

“Then ask her out.” Blossom said as if she had solved the biggest mystery in the world. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Um she could say no and then it would ruin literally everything. Thought you were supposed to be the smart one.”

She fell silent to that and they spent the next ten minutes on their lab assignment. He managed to get through another sheet of problems but the confession was still in the air.

“So you’re okay then?” Blossom finally spoke.

“Okay with what?”

“Just being her friend and not doing anything?”

He let out a sigh. “What if it messes everything up?” It was a fear he had since he discovered his true feelings about her. He valued her friendship more than anything else and he didn’t need his hormones running a good thing.

“What if it doesn’t?” She gave him an empathetic look. “You know I wouldn’t be saying anything if I didn’t think anything could happen. You’re not the only one who feels this way, that I am sure of.”

The thought of Buttercup possibly liking him back, even for a second made his heart race.

“I would just hate for you to realize that you lost something you could have had sooner. You always rush head first into things and live on the wild side, don’t hesitate with this.”

He would be lying if he didn’t think that they had gotten closer over the years, really close. They would sit with their shoulders touching during movies and even go as far as sharing a drink sometimes. He would lend her his jacket if it was cold and would make sure to walk her home from her night class even though he knew she could handle herself, he just really liked being around her.

There had been long nights spent staring at the ceiling until the sun would peak through the window as he thought about their dynamic changing. It changed for his brothers and both couples seemed to be destined pairs, so why not them? So what if he thought about holding her close or kissing her before classes. Maybe once in a while he wondered what it would be like to be her boyfriend and to love and cherish her without restraint.

Blossom stood and began to put away the array of notes and books around the table.

“Study time isn’t over yet?” He said.

She laughed lightly before patting his shoulder. “There's other chemistry you can be focusing on right now. So don’t be a pussy.” And she left him alone at the table feeling flustered and red as her bow.

He stared at the clock on the wall. He had about two hours before the evening classes got out. His stomach twisted into small knots as he tried to shake this overwhelming feeling of doubt out of his head. Those thoughts were being pushed away as he grabbed his textbook and stack of notes and put them in his bag.

He took one look at the newest ink doodles before grabbing it and shoving the crumpled wad into his jacket pocket.

“Don’t be a pussy.” He muttered to himself before leaving.

----

The sun was starting to set as he paced in front of his mirror for the past hour. He had gotten into the shower, a warm one to suds up his hair and then immediately back in for a freezing cold one to clear his mind and tame his senses.

He faced the mirror, hair dripping slightly as he ignored the longer black bangs that he usually spiked up. His reflection looked scared and uncertain. He took in everything Blossom had said and she even texted him some more but even with her support, he felt dizzy and unsure.

He took in a deep breath trying to calm himself down and not freak out.

“Alright Butch this is easy. You’ve asked out so many chicks before. Granted you never really liked them as much as her because, well, it's Buttercup and no one is better than her.” he said a little too fast for his own liking. “This will be simple. Just look into her eyes. Those soft green eyes that remind you of green tea and matcha, which happens to be her favorite drinks of course.” He laughed to himself.

He relaxed a little before grabbing his comb and threading it through his hair. “Not to mention the way her eyes sparkle when she's fighting a monster or watching a scary movie. Well maybe not all of that, don’t scare her, dumb ass. Keep it simple and classy.”

The bathroom filled with the scent of pine as he sprayed his chest and threw on a plain black shirt and skinny jeans. “How’s this.” He flashed a grin at the mirror and made finger guns. “Let’s fuck.”

“That's terrible, do not say that!” Boomer called from the other side of the door making Butch slightly jump.

“Shut the fuck up Boomer!” He shouted before grabbing his jacket and flipping off his little brother who was laughing on the couch. Fuck super hearing.

“You got this bro!” The blond called after him and Butch only slammed the door shut and let out a sigh before walking outside.

The October air was cool this time of night. The only sound he could hear was the buzzing through his headphones and the thumping of his loud ass heartbeat. His back came to a tree that was just outside her last class of the night. He never truly understood why she wanted to take classes at night, let alone Friday night.

He shoved his hands in his pocket and felt the bunched up paper. He pulled it out and unfolded it. Some of the ink had smeared lightly but the hearts were still intact for the most part.

“Don’t be a pussy.” He whispered to himself. “But also don’t lose everything.”

He stared at the paper before taking the corners and ripping them up and tossing them in the trash can near him. A disgruntled sigh left his lips and he wished that the ground would open up into a vortex and swallow him whole, never to be heard of again.

His mind had been at full speed since the library and he wondered if he should even tell her. How do you be friends with someone for more than ten years and then all of sudden change that?

It should be easy but unlike his brothers and her sisters, they were not the soft and emotional pair. The sappy love songs were always skipped and romance movies turned to comedies with them. He didn’t even know if she would like a bouquet of flowers or just to punch him in the face. Even if he did ask her out, would she even believe him? Would he?

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and the class began to file out. He had made the decision to leave this conversation for another day, maybe try a romantic setting or something else.

“Sup dude.” Buttercup grinned at him as their fists collided for a fist bump.

“Sup.” He responded.

“Eh class was boring, just a lecture but what can ya do?” She laughed and they fell into a rhythm as they walked.

They talked aimlessly and even their causally conversation was making him shutter and wish for more.

“Hey do you wanna stop and get some coffee? Think I’m gonna stay up and finish some chem homework.” He nodded towards the cafe that was open at all hours. She looked towards him and nodded before a small breeze came and she felt the hair on her neck stand up as goose bumps kissed her skin.

The fabric of his jacket overlapped her shoulders. “You never wear a jacket dummy. Wait here and I’ll go get us some.”

“Thanks.” She said just loud enough to hear.

The cool air swirled around him as he opened the doors to the shop but he felt like he was in the pits of hell. He had been secretly sweating and felt gross knowing that he was so incredibly nervous and hoped that she couldn’t notice.

He walked outside, two cups in his hands, the warm liquid slightly burning his palms but in a relaxing way. He found her standing next to a bench, her eyes focused on something in her hand.

“Here you go-” Butch stopped as his gaze traveled to the piece of paper she was holding.

A corner of a paper with a green ink heart and the letter B + B scribble aimlessly inside. He thought he had thrown out all the paper but of course the universe had decided to go against his wishes.

She saw his eyes widened as she took the coffee before focusing on the heart again. “It's cute.” She said before meeting his gaze.

“That's nothing. Chemistry stuff.” He played it off and took a gulp of his coffee ignoring the fact that it was burning his throat.

She hummed and smiled before sitting on the bench. Luckily the place had thinned out and was practically empty except for the few students stopping to get caffeinated.

“Chemistry huh?”

“Yep.” he popped the P.

Buttercup chuckled softly before leaning her arm on the back of the bench and holding up the paper.

“So do you want me to ignore it or did you want to give your sweaty declaration?”

He gulped. “What do you want me to do?”

She sat for a moment looking at the paper.

“Dealers choice.” Buttercup smiled before placing it in his hand.

Confidence had always been Butch’s strong suit. At the age of seven he had already built up a wall to counteract anything and anyone thrown his way. Being born as a villain to society meant he had to reinvent his title and he had done it so carefully. He was known to be the rowdy bad boy who could have the room's attention on him with a joke or even a wink.

Doubt was hardly in his ball park and he tended to act first, think later in every aspect of his life. The cockyness and the wittyness had always been there but he felt most like himself when those walls became transparent around her.

He could lie and say it's nothing and maybe a week or month would pass and the moment would spark and he would confess, however she looked like she was more than ready to accept whatever was to be said. Almost like she had been waiting for it.

“I would just hate for you to realize that you lost something you could have had sooner. You always rush head first into things and live on the wild side, don’t hesitate with this.”

Blossoms words played in his head like a broken stereo on repeat. He didn’t want to hesitate. He didn’t want to live with regrets. The butterflies in his stomach had died down slightly. Whatever speech he had planned in the bathroom was long gone. It would be best to speak from his heart than sound like some animated doll who only had five things to say.

Butch curled his palm. “Alright then.” He said with confidence. He turned to match her stone cold gaze and tight smirk. They loved to play the stare game but right now he wanted to win this war. “Enough bullshit then.”

She tilted her head with interest as he begged for an ounce of confidence to come and rescue him so that he didn’t seem like a sweaty hormonal boy. A soft hand was placed on his shoulder.

“Butch.” She said softly. “Breath. It’s just me.” She winked.

And she was right. He gave her a nod and her hands went back to her lap.

“Buttercup, I spent the last hour trying to think of what to say to you. My head was filled with all these emotions of how I think you’re not only the hottest and coolest girl alive, but how you are my best friend. The thing is I was working myself up over nothing because we know that you like me and I like you.”

She hummed at the statement and took another sip of her coffee.

“Which is why a sappy declaration of why I think your eyes are stunning or how you have a nice ass will not do.”

“I do have a nice ass.” She smirked.

“Yeah well I like telling you that. So.” He held up the paper. “What do you say BC?”

She took the paper with a bright smile. “I think, ‘Wanna fuck?’ would have summed it up.” She said in a low tone mocking his voice.

“Okay ya know what? Boomer yelled at me for that so I blame him.” They shared a laugh before she set her cup down and cupped his cheek with her hand.

“For the record I don’t mind the sappy shit, at least coming from you.”

He bent down until their noses bummed before tilting his head and capturing her lips slowly. He had always imagined that their first kiss would be ignited by passion or lust, maybe a near death situation. But this right here, sitting in a park on a cool autumn night while sipping on cheap and slightly burned coffee seemed to be just as perfect as the rest.

Her lips were soft to the touch and tasted like mint. The tips of her hair tickled his cheeks as another gust came and she leaned in closer to him. They pulled away and he got lost in her eyes momentarily as they held a spark that seemed new and inviting.

A small tinge of red was on her cheeks as she shifted her eyes towards the ground. “But for the record, we are going to fuck right?” She said.

A laugh escaped his lips. “Oh without a doubt.” He winked at her and flashed a smirk that she thought was charming.

She smiled before they grabbed their coffee and walked towards her apartment building. There was a comfortable silence between them and he was thankful for it. His eyes kept glancing towards her, trying not to get caught but he was taken away by her.

In all the years he had known her, she was seen as an ultimate force for battle. A hunger for justice was always present on her face during battle and a stronger punch would follow. He had seen it all. Her desire to save and fight for others. The media knew her for being dark and sassy, which was true but they also never thought she would be as soft and sweet as her sisters.

Moments like these where there was no one else around and the only sound was the leaves shaking in the wind is what he enjoyed. He got to see her in a light that she hid in the shadows.

Slowly he reached his hand towards hers, a slight hesitation on his part but he interlocked their fingers together and for some reason, it felt like the most natural thing he’s ever done.

She glanced at him, squeezing softly to let him know that it was okay to do.

“I just want you to know that I’m really into you, sappy and cute shit too. You’re always gonna be the toughest person in the world but I’m also gonna like seeing the sugar side of you.”

“Thanks Butch. I’m always gonna like seeing the puppy dog tail of you.” She teased and a fake scoff came from him.

“Wow.” He said dramatically. “That was a low blow and here I was trying to be nice but I see you’re still the same ass wipe as before.” They stared at each other before breaking out into a fit of laughter.

Her giggles came down and she nodded towards her room. “Let’s go watch a movie.” She tugged his hand.

He followed her up the apartment stairs to her room, he could barely contain the smile on his face. The doubt and hesitation was long gone as he kissed her some more that night. If there was one thing he loved more than laying next to her or having her snuggled up into his arms while a movie played, it was the fact that nothing between them had changed.

She was still his best friend who liked to place bets and challenge him to a round of video games. The same girl who could take anyone on for soccer or basketball and even the same girl who stood at city hall with a grin as blood dripped from her nose without a care in the world. She was everything from before and everything he had always wanted.

---

Five years later

“Can I ask you a question?” Butch said.

Buttercup looked up from the book she was reading. “Whats up?”

“Well in my class we were talking about belongings and our prized possessions. I said mine was my wedding ring because it reminds me of you.” He smiled as he glanced at the gold band. “So what would yours be?”

BC sat up and looked at her own ring. “I mean I would say my ring too but to be honest it's something you gave me a long time ago.”

He furrowed his eyebrows as she leaned over to her night stand and opened the drawer. She took out a small velvet box that her wedding ring came in.

“Thought you already said your ring.”

She rolled her eyes and no matter how much she did it, he would never get tired of it. “It's what's inside dumb ass.” The box was tossed on her bed and he took it and flipped the latch open.

“Holy shit.” He gasped as he saw the small piece of paper with the faded green inked heart. “I didn’t know you kept this.”

Buttercup shrugged before kissing his cheek. “I don’t know, it means a lot even if it's something simple. Made me realize that I wanted to be with you forever.”

The box was closed and set to the side before he went and kissed her. “I love you.” He said against her lips and she giggled before responding with “I love you too.”

I hope you enjoyed this and thank you again for trusting me to deliver the green goods.

Also BIG thank you to my wonderful betas @creativecilla @avesthetea @lisathefan

*My commissions are open*

#butchercup #buttercup x butch #butch x buttercup #ppg x rrb #ppgxrrb #greens #greensfic #thepowerpuffgirls #ppg fanfic #thewritingstar #commissions #fanfic commissions

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bubbebruja · 4 years

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On the Death of Sirius Black and Literary Gay Bashing in Harry Potter

In 2003, I was ten, straight, and positively obsessed with Hermione Granger.

If those last two things sound a little contradictory, it’s because they were. I do not mean I was “obsessed” in the sense that I wanted to dress up like her for Halloween, I mean “obsessed” in the sense that I literally blushed anytime my mom read her name aloud to my sister and I.

Queer. I was queer. I just didn’t know it yet.

Thus, I didn’t notice the Sirius/Remus romantic subtext as a child, drinking hot chocolate propped against my sister’s knees and listening enraptured as my mom read to us from the most recently released Harry Potter book. When Order of the Phoenix came out, I was far more interested in Angsty Harry™ and the evils of Delores Umbridge, and when Sirius died, I was not even all that upset. I didn’t really like him all that much, knew even at that age that he embodied too many of the stereotypically “masculine” traits I had already grown to hate with his pride and brooding and emotional immaturity. I didn’t much care, much less recognize that JK Rowling had done something rather unforgiveable.

But others did.

Seventeen years later, I get it.

By 2003, many older, wiser readers had long since clocked the queer subtext between Sirius and Remus. And, when I picked up the books earlier this year to re-read them for the first time since they were read to me as a child, I saw it too. (Notably, this was prior to JKR’s most recent round of blazing transphobia, after which I stopped reading.) And, okay, yes, I am the type of queer who reads queerness into many things. But y’all, I really didn’t have to try all that hard this time. If I were reading these books for the first time in the context of 2020, I would assume Remus and Sirius were canonically a couple, and JKR just wasn’t bashing us over the head with clear evidence of it. She doesn’t do that most of the time anyway. By Order of the Phoenix, in my opinion, the evidence (as movie Dumbledore says so awkwardly) is incontrovertible. The living together? The joint Christmas present? The “Sirius, sit down” scene early in the book? The confirmed HIV/AIDS metaphor, IN THE 90S?? THEY’RE FUCKING GAY TOGETHER.

And here’s the thing, (and I have no proof of this, so you’re just going to have to roll with it): I think it’s pretty clear that JKR became more conservative as time progressed. Money tends to do that to people, conveniently. What started as a series about the power young people hold to defeat evil and fight injustice eventually devolved into a flaccid epilogue where heterosexual nuclear families abounded and there were (still) no visibly queer characters in sight.

By the time the final book came out, I was a full-fledged teenager, and I, too, had abandoned fantasies of fighting evil and injustice for fantasies of settling down with “my perfect man” (L. O. L.) So, I get it. I get that priorities change for young people. But for adults, especially those recently drunk on the power of infinite amounts of money and fame? Nah. JKR knew what she was doing. JKR laid all the groundwork for a possible relationship between Remus and Sirius and then changed her mind. Or was told to change her mind. Or was forced to change her mind.

I have A Lot Of Feelings™ about Tonks and Remus’s relationship (most of which are about the way their canonical relationship plays into a lot of really awful tropes about disabled people which, no matter how you read him, Remus is). And I have a lot of feelings about Sirius Black as a character. I have a lot of feelings about Dumbledore, some related to his posthumous outing and some not. And, like most of us now, I have a lot of feelings about the entire franchise as a whole. But here’s what I know: It doesn’t actually matter, because JKR didn’t just change the explicit relationship dynamics between Sirius and Remus, she quite literally killed any chances of queer romance.

And she didn’t just kill Sirius. She killed Remus, too. And Tonks (who is a genderqueer butch and I will die on that hill). And Dumbledore. And the cute, squeaky house elf with a love for clothes and an obsession with Harry. And the young Gryffindor boy who followed Harry around, constantly asking for photos and autographs. And – you know what? Fuck it. – the person who lived INSIDE ANOTHER MAN’S BODY before returning to his bodily form, during which time he relied heavily on his male servant who cut off a literal body part to restore his master.

Am I reading too much queer subtext into each of these characters? Maybe. But, as this lovely article states, “close reading is queer culture, always has been.” And I can’t help but notice that the vast majority of the characters JKR didn’t kill off are, well, pretty fucking straight. (Drarry shippers, feel free to come at me. I’m sure there’s plenty of queer subtext there, too). They’re, for the most part, characters with a clear canonical history of heterosexual romance, as if only those with a possible future of a heterosexual, nuclear family are worthy of survival.

And I just don’t think this was an accident. I think it was the intentional plan of someone who started to feel like the world of inclusion she’d created was being read as far too inclusive.

To call this “literary gay bashing” is a pretty serious accusation with a pretty serious use of a very loaded term. But the thing is, I think we too often let people like JKR off the hook without recognizing what her words – both literary and non-literary – have done and can do. We too often dismiss it with statements like, “she’s entitled to her opinion”. Gay bashing is the intentional abuse or assault of someone perceived to be a member of the LGBTQIA2+ community, physically or verbally, that often results in lasting harm or death. And I use this term to describe JKR’s work particularly because it is sensationalizing, because it calls violence what it is: violence. Because, sure, she’s as entitled to her opinion as anyone else. But the second you create a world where anyone, especially children, are going to see themselves, going to feel safe, your “opinion” better do as little violence as possible.

When I saw the first Harry Potter movie, back in 2001, I refused to discuss it for months. I was furious. At the time, I couldn’t quite pinpoint why, but I now realize that I was heartbroken that Hermione Granger didn’t look like me. When JKR described a girl with wild, brown curly hair, I saw me. I saw my hair. And so, as children tend to do, I saw the rest of me, too. I saw tanned skin and dark brown eyes and full lips and high cheekbones (the ones people always told me made me look “Indian”, which I only partially am). I saw the quiet confidence that develops when you’re the brownest kid in your school, ready to strike but only when provoked. The pale, arrogant, racially unambiguous Hermione Granger I saw on the screen made me feel dirty, cast off, unworthy of representation. The self-hatred I felt when White Hermione Granger entered the film alongside White Harry Potter and White Ron Weasley and White Everyone Else was a kind of violence.

And when JKR killed off all of her queer-read characters, she took that violence to another level. Because they were there, we saw them, we did not imagine the romantic undertones between Remus and Sirius, or the way that a shape-shifting young woman with short, spiky hair reads an awful lot like a person uninterested in traditional gender. We saw ourselves in the most beloved franchise of all time. And then, she took away those possibilities, and she took away those characters.

And you know what? People die because they can’t see themselves in media. People die because that’s what they’ve watched everyone like them do on screen and in books. It’s not harmless, and it’s not victimless, and it’s violent.

There’s only one solution to literary gay bashing: To Bash Back. We can and do write ourselves into the stories, into the world, and refuse to settle for explanations that gaslight us into thinking we imagined things that were never there, or ask us to settle for tiny crumbs of useless representation.

I intended to finish my most recent story, “Come Healing”, with an ambiguous ending that left the possibility of Sirius’s death open to reader interpretation. But then, JKR kept going, and talking, and kept creating violence, and I got mad. And so, like so many queers before me, I rewrote the story and changed the ending, and created love and security and peace and life where the canonical author had created hopelessness and death. And in the world we live in right now, that is radical. It is bashing back.

It’s tiny, but it’s something. Every time we write a happy ending for a queer character, we create the possibilities of happy endings for queer people everywhere. And no one – no matter how hard she may try – can take that away.

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marvels-writings · 4 years

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Rumor Has It (6)

Series Masterlist

Carol Danvers Masterlist

WARNING: shooting, death scene, blood, im sorry about that

A/N: I still don’t have the heart to end Phoenix and the Stars, it’s like ending the pretend series and I do not have the heart to do that right now.

The rest of the next day was spent planning the mission out, the plan was pretty simple. Both of you go in, sweet talk your way into the arms dealer, you make an excuse to go to the bathroom but go back into the club and force them to evacuate it while Carol blows the arms up, no one gets hurt and you bring the arms dealer in. You took a spare gun and a few magazines with a thigh holster.

“So we’re clear on the plan?” Carol asked for the fiftieth time while she finished putting on her makeup, you’d finally managed to teach her after an hour of flustering and struggling.

“For the last time, yes.” You groaned, finishing your makeup and going to change while Carol changed in the room.

You wore a lace black halter top, a black leather skirt which was roomy enough for your thigh holster, black heels which had a few knives. None of which would be detected by any arms/weapon detectors.

Carol wore a black v neck long sleeved top with gold striped and black, boot cut leather pants and butch black leather boots with it. She didn’t need any weapons but put an extra knife in her boot in case you would need it.

After getting ready, you put on a golden bracelet that would call backup incase you needed it, it was discreet and you felt a little more secure with it. Finally, you made your way out of the hotel and to the club.

“How the hell did you get this?” Carol asked, admiring the limousine parked in the front waiting for you two, you grinned in response.

“Maria called before asking if we needed anything, so I told her we needed a fancy ride instead of a taxi.” You winked, walking ahead of Carol as the driver opened the door for you, you slid in as Carol followed you closely.

“The driver?” Carol whispered as the chauffeur closed the door and walked around the car to get in the car.

“Verified.” You answered, smiling at the chauffeur when he came in and giving him the address, telling him not to wait outside instead come back if he was called again, he nodded and said it was about a 30 minute drive.

Carol switched on the soundproof window that separates you from the driver after you were done, the window had the SHIELD logo on it but you frowned, not knowing why she needed the privacy.

“Have you ever killed anyone?” She asked bluntly, your eyes widened and you leaned back slightly.

“Well that’s a bit blunt.” You thought aloud, hand falling to your thigh holster on instinct.

“I need to know,” Carol stated, also leaning back but hazel eyes still piercing your own. “This might end in a shootout, these dealers aren’t known to play nice. So, have you ever killed anyone?” Carol asked again.

“No, never seen the need to.” You stated, then explained a bit further when you saw Carol’s eyes narrow in confusion. “My partner usually did the killing, Fury and Maria usually spared me from the massacre missions. I’m more of a spy than a soldier, plus, never needed to kill for anyone.”

“Alright, can you?” Carol asked, pushing a bit further than she needed to.

“I’m a SHIELD operative, I know how to kill people or save their lives.” You answered coolly, Carol’s words sinking in slightly. You’d never needed to kill someone, you weren’t sure if you had it in you to kill someone.

You settled into a comfortable silence, you were still tense, you’d never taken another person’s life, only hurt them when you needed to. But taking away someone’s life was something you weren’t sure you could do, you thought about it on the entire way to the club.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The club was loud, way too loud to hear anyone who wasn’t shouting. There wer neon lights everywhere but the club itself was still dark, the bar had neon lights under the counter, it was the only place where you could actually see what you were doing.

The entire place reeked of alcohol and sweat from the people dancing. Your target was easy to find once you got into the club, he was lounging on one of the white couches on the second floor, protected by guards and surrounded by other arms dealers.

“So you know we are serious.” Carol stated after sitting down, crossing one leg over another and resting both arms on the armrest, voice dominating the atmosphere.

“That I do.” The man answered, leaning forwards as his all black suit crumpled slightly.

“How much are you willing to pay?” he asked, waitresses coming over to offer you and Carol drinks, she took a neat whiskey and you took fav/alcoholic/drink.

“Whatever you want.” You answered, sipping the drink while your eyes flickered around the club.

“We’re well funded.” Carol said, you almost facepalmed. You were supposed to be mob bosses, mob bosses aren’t funded for christ’s sake.

“In the sense we have as much money you would need for the lists.” You covered up, the dealer raised an eyebrow and whispered something to one of the guards next to him, you shot Carol a quick glare but covered it up quickly.

“Well, then I might as well show you what we have.” he said with a smile, beckoning you to follow him.

Carol gave you a nod, you rolled your eyes at her and asked where the bathroom was, saying you’ll join them later. The dealer indicated where the bathroom was and where he would be waiting for you with Carol.

Carol followed the man to some deeper part of the club while you pretended to go to the bathroom, instead going to the bar and telling the bartender to evacuate, he ignored it.

Until gunshots were heard, everyone started sprinting out of the club, not caring what they left behind. You groaned, helping anyone who was drunk out the door, gunshots continued but you heard blasts at the same time, you assumed it was Carol. By the time you’d finishing everyone who didn’t have a gun out the door, the blasts had stopped.

After taking the gun out of your purse and tucking the magazines in your thigh holster, you made your way to the dealing, finding men in dark suits everywhere, probably knocked out by Carol. Against the far wall, Carol was slumped against the wall, hand cradling a dark wound that started to spread on her side.

“Shit,” You muttered, starting to run over when a shot at your feet stopped you, your eyes snapped to where the shot had come from. It was the main dealer, he wiped dirt off his face and held his gun towards Carol.

“Shoot, and she dies.” He threatened, you started panicking, Carol looked at you, trying to hide the desperation in her eyes, your breathing quickened slightly, knowing you had to pull the trigger as Carol’s blood dripped onto the ground.

She shot a quick blast to his gun, knocking it to the floor, you knew she didn’t have enough energy to take him down. You shot him when he bent down to pick the gun up, his body falling to the ground instantly as blood seeped out from his chest.

His dead eyes looked at you as you ran over to Carol, trying to stop your heart racing and all the emotions in your mind when you saw a bullet wound in Carol’s side. It wasn’t the worst, it was small, easy to stop. You took the ties of one of the men nearest to you which Carol had knocked out and put it against the bleeding, the tie turning a dark blue instantly.

“What the fuck happened?” You demanded, hands trembling as you continued putting pressure onto the wound, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“They got the jump on me when you left.” Carol groaned against the pain of the wound, hand coming to hold yours to press down on the wound. “I’m sorry.” She apologized, trying to make eye contact with you but you avoided it, your attention on the approaching footsteps.

You were losing all of the composure you’d built up, the way you were acting now was out of pure panic and concern, not at all the way you were acting before. It was like the cool, aloof person melted and this was you, concerned for the woman you’d learned to care for, you needed her alive.

“We should call backup.” You gasped, tapping the pearl on your bracelet twice, it started a timer for 8 minutes, it was supposed to be 5.

“Just hold on for me okay?” You whispered, quickly leaning forward to kiss her forehead, flustering Carol and stunning you at the action. You were more panicked when you got up, holding the gun with both trembling hands and pointing it at the door.

The men that came in first saw your gun and put their guns up, ready to shoot, you shot them in the leg or in the shoulder, trying to avoid anything that would kill them. There were about 3 men in total, you had to pull out the gun from your thigh holster to shoot them.

Carol sat there in shock, you said you’d never killed anyone, and here you were, killing because her life depended on it. The rumors about couldn’t be more wrong, you weren’t callous, all of the killing and hurting was dragging on you, she could see it in the way your hands didn’t stop trembling and the way you always flinched when pulling the trigger, and how you didn’t kill anyone, just stopped them from getting further.

You finally stopped when they were on the ground, groaning. You stepped over them and took all their guns with shaky hands and without saying a word, staring at the bracelet the entire time. It said about 1 minute until backup was here. With a clenched jaw, you made your way over to Carol.

“They aren’t dead, they won’t bleed out.” You stated, more for yourself than her.

“Okay.” Carol said softly, letting you help her up.

You took almost all her weight while walking over the men on your way out of the bar, the neon lights gave some lighting for you to see where the door was, by the time you made it there, Maria was standing with her hands on her hips, expecting some sort of explanation.

“What-” She began, pausing when she saw Carol’s current state and sighed, knowing she was more important to you now than anything, she had seen how you acted when someone on your team got hurt, you always blamed yourself.

“Get her on the jet.” Maria commanded the team behind her, you nodded meekly, refusing to let anyone else help you while you walked past Maria, carrying Carol.

After getting on the jet, you didn’t say a word as the medics checked you for any injuries before helping Carol, you sat by her side, watching the medics patch her up, you knew taking out the bullet would hurt. You reached out to comfort Carol by resting your hand on her forearm, she took your hand instead, squeezing lightly and looking at you with a soft smile, trying to tell you everything was going to be okay .

Maybe it was, you thought as Carol gave Maria the disk with all of HYDRA’s allies before getting the bullet taken out of her while stroking your hand, maybe everything would be okay.

| Part 7 |

A/N: Sorry this chapter was so angsty, but like the next part is gonna be the fluffiest thing I’ve written in awhile, still angsty tho, feedback is amazing, thanks!

Tag List: @capcarolsdanver, @versdan, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught, @lovebotlarson, @dhengkt, @5aftermidnight, @hstoria, @natasha-danvers, @veryfunnyal, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx , @ophelias-heart , @duvetsandpillows , @ohfuckno , @justarandomhumanhere , let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

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jstmymagination · 3 years

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I love the BDB novels and after re-reading some of my favorites this story came to mind. Actually it’s been stuck in my head for a while now so I decided to put it on paper. this is what happens when I’m bored Disclaimer: I am not a professional writer and this is in no way related to the Wardens work so there will be PLENTY of grammatical errors😁 enjoy.

The Scribe Virgins Private Sanctuary

“You can’t let the warrior take him” you have witnessed what goes on at those “training camps” he is just a mere babe. I made a vow with Bloodletter and I intend on honoring it. The child will be trained to be a fighter and protector, he will not be just any soldier. You don’t believe that to be true, for surely if you did I wouldn’t be able to see the sorrow in your eyes every time you look upon your son. Young one you would be wise to guard your tongue with me as you are under MY protection. I know the value you hold but I will not tolerate disobedience. My male young came into the world with a piece of me that I can not take back this you well know. Even at this young age, he is much stronger than any opponent that may dare to cross his path and this includes his sire the Bloodletter. Over time he will become what he is meant to be... Pea looked up without hesitation and asked what’s that? a “Brother”

Pea looked back down at the 2 twin babes they were identical in every way same dark hair with a slight wave at the tips, same diamond eyes that sorta changed color when either of them became frustrated, and the same special glow from their mahmen. I hope that you are correct.

I have made up my mind... I will take my leave from your sanctuary when you deliver the baby Vishous to the Bloodletter. I have been hidden away here long enough and like your babes, I too can take care of myself. Many years have passed since the war has started and I would like to move on. I know now that I am alone and I would like to start life anew.

The Scribe Virgin slowly turned to face the young woman that stood before her. “And what of your duty, to the race and your people?” What will you do when it is time for you to take your place? After a moment Pea simply stated on my honor as the Daughter, only child, and last surviving member of Sir Danger son of Danger highest Princeps of the last founding family. When it is time to take my place I will...without quarrel. So be it then on your honor I will grant you leave. They both knew that she only asked out of respect because if she wanted to go, there is nothing the Scribe Virgin could have done to stop her. Pea was growing stronger and confident by the minute thanks to the Scribe Virgins father. He seemed to have taken a liking to the female. On the evening he delivered her to the Scribe Virgin she couldn’t help but ask him why? Why her? and his response was “she is but one half of the whole”

Present Day Caldwell New York Havers Clinic

Yes ma’am Mrs. Sherman the young looks well. As he moved the instrument around to get a better look at the babe growing in her belly. Havers has been in practice for so long that his Q & A segments with patients were always patterned the same. As long as he didn’t hear any dangerous words he kept the appointments moving along smoothly.

And how has your appetite been now that you moved into your second trimester?? No more nausea... good Any concerns? .... good

We have a while before we can determine the baby's sex as you know these things take time. Seeing as how vampires are pregnant for nearly a year the babies develop all organs at a much slower pace. Well, Mr. & Mrs. Sherman keep up the good work and we will see you back here in 6 weeks. Julie my nurse will take care of you from here. Havers pushed his glasses up on his nose finished his charting and quickly removed himself from the room. After checking in with the nurses' station he went to the next patient which was pre trans male with a broken leg. He never understood the fascination young people had with ATVs and dirt bikes. Why would anyone want to get on a motorized 2 wheeler and ride through the woods? One slight move in the wrong direction and a person instantly became air-born. Anyway, this was his workday one patient after another. Havers is the race's only physician in the Caldwell area, and because of this, his patient load is three times as large. The patients normally start arriving at sundown, they would check in with his nurse Julie then wait to be seen. For the most part, his evenings went pretty smoothly, Julie kept him on a tight schedule. He started the evening by doing his rounds at the clinic. This included following up with any patient that he felt the need to keep overnight. After that he started taking his scheduled appointments for the evening, these could range anywhere from a prenatal appointment to a pre-trans physical. He was normally with a patient for no more than ten minutes then it was on to the next one. However lately he was having an influx of attacked patients come in that needed emergency medical attention. For the past month, Havers was in the OR at least twice per week. Due to the nature of the injury, each time the surgeries were getting more and more invasive. When this happens then his appointments are pushed back or either rescheduled which is something he or Julie liked doing. Particularly because his patients already have a two months wait to be seen in the first place. This is why he recently started doing home visits, mainly for his elderly patients. He didn’t want them to take any chances coming into the office for an appointment and then not being able to be seen because of an emergency. So during his scheduled “lunch break” he would leave the clinic to make his house calls. Havers enjoyed this change in his schedule because it allowed him to leave for a little bit so he could breathe some different air.

Black Dagger Brotherhood Mansion

Lassiter!! I am not watching The Bold and the Beautiful, I don’t care how many times Brooke kisses another man or Ridge falls in love with the new girl. Those two always end up back together. You are correct my dear comrade, Lassiter said to Vishous but isn’t all the drama worth it?! The back and forth, love/ hate... that is what makes us tune in every day. Vishous threw him a sideye and said no it’s what makes YOU tune in. Okay V. Shouldn’t you be getting some R&R for your shift tonight? Shouldn’t you be up top tending to things?? Lassiter sporting a wide grin... shot back yeah I should be but they don’t have WiFi and Roku sticks up there so alas I’m here with you. Just as the theme music was starting....V poured a glass of goose and then walked out. Lassiter smirked and thought to himself sometimes it’s the small victories.

After leaving Lassiter... V passed through the kitchen where the doggen was prepping for the first meal. Looks like someone put in a request for Fritz’s famous French Toast casserole with Maple pecan topping. if V had to guess he would say Rhage that male was born with one heck of an appetite. Not to mention he has the inner beast so it’s kinda like he’s eating for 2? Anyway, the smell of it is always amazing something about pecans, vanilla beans, and maple.. you just can’t go wrong. Once he got down into the tunnel he decided to swing by the MD office suites Jane his Shellen had been in surgery alongside the brotherhood's other private surgeon Manny, who also happened to be V’s twin sister Payne’s Hellren, for 5 hours.

As protectors of the race, they were always in constant battle, and sometimes things got pretty nasty in the field. Last evening one of the recruits got into a nasty pack of evil vampires and although he survived he was shot in his top right femur, his stomach, and took a nasty blade to ribs. The surgery was a success because let’s face it his Shellen and her colleague are pretty godman amazing at what they do.

“Jane”, yes she says as she looks up from her charting with a smile. I stopped by on my way to the pit to see what’s doing? Nothing much Yogi is stable and after he awakes we will have a Chosen come to feed him. V loved to hear his Shellen speak with authority it was the biggest turn-on for him, actually thinking back he heard her voice before he even saw her face. She had been his surgeon when he got shot in the chest and landed in a human hospital, he knew she was meant to be his from the very first moment he heard her voice. After catching up with Jane and kissing her good day. V finally landed in the Pit.. the home he shared with best friend Butch and his wife Marissa. Butch’s bonding scent was thick in the air which only meant one thing. He and Marissa have either just started and we’re close to finishing their mid-morning sexcapade. A male Vampire bonding scent is meant to be a warning to other male vampires that this female is spoken for. After checking the security system at his control center, V checked the time which was after 2 pm he could get in a few more hours of sleep before it was time to start the day.

Que is a full-time manager at the TOP HE4VY boutique in the downtown fashion district of Caldwell. Since he was able to dress, he’s been known for his style and edgy fashion sense. Que took a liking to fashion more than anything else because it allowed him to express his artistic side. So naturally, when the word got out that an exclusive boutique-like Top Heavy was coming to Caldwell he was the first to apply. The interview went nothing like he expected, first of all, he met with the owner, Pea, at Starbucks!... of course she Insisted on him ordering a drink. He ordered Venti Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino with soy milk and whip cream. And she ordered a grande Chai Tea Latte soy no water extra hot. Que remembered everything about their first meeting because Pea had been so easy to talk too and homegirl was dressed to perfection. Lavender Chanel cashmere v neck sweater paired with fitted distressed BKE denim jeans, lavender Louboutins, and of course the ensemble was topped off with a lavender Birkin bag. Not to mention she was a full-figured woman... Pea had the kind of breast that every woman wanted to fill her bra and every man wanted to feel in his bed. She also had been blessed with hips, thighs, and just enough booty to fill in the back pockets of her fitted jeans. He loved everything about her. After she hired him then he recommended Samantha the first-generation full-time college student. Samantha only worked part-time hours due to her school schedule. She picked up shifts between her classes and on weekends. Pea was always very careful not to give her too many hours because she wanted Samantha to know that school was the priority. She also told her if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to ask. They both knew that when Pea said anything she was referring to money but she respected Samantha enough not to come right out and say it. The three of them had a great work relationship and became friends immediately. They looked up to Pea like a big sister and she embraced it. They became them on little family, so naturally, when she called Que at 7 am and asked if he would mind opening up the boutique in her place this morning, he didn’t give it a second thought. Thank you for shopping with us today Que said to the young lady that purchased the last black moto leather jacket. Nice commission off of that one he thought. $2500 jacket and I get 15% of the sale, I will take it. And when will you be getting in the matching boots for these the young lady asked? I will have to get with my boss and she can call you when they come in? Perfect... May I have your number? Que asked The lady answered quickly... I will just stop back by some time next week no rush. She took the new jacket and left the store. Shortly after that Pea came into work, this was late in the day for her. She normally was an early bird.

Hi guys, how has business been today? Not bad, both Que and Samantha answered in unison. Good, thanks for an opening for me I woke up with a migraine this morning and I couldn’t shake darn thing. If you guys want we can go out for drinks after work or lunch can be on me today... your choice. Both agreed to lunch on the next shift. Samantha was bogged down with term papers that were coming due and Que had already made plans after work. I see we sold the moto jacket I’m happy about that... I thought that thing was gonna be here forever. The lady that purchased also asked about the matching biker boots? Do you think we can get those? I have to check with the manufacturer. We might as well bring the lime green monster out of the stock room and put it on display in the front window. Maybe someone will buy the hideous thing. Samantha went to the back stock room and pick up the lime green and black moto jacket. The colors on the things were so loud that they all referred to it as the Incredible Hulk jacket. Every month her manufacturer sent a “hot item” to all of the buyers as a preview of the next season's trends. When Pea unboxed it her first thoughts were no one on this earth is going to want to purchase a lime green and black rhinestone-studded leather moto jacket. So she just kept it hung up in the back of the stock room. Are you sure you want to hang this in our window? Que asked before he took it from Samantha. Yes, you never know that jacket could be perfect for someone. Later that evening after Pea closed the boutique she headed down to the Nells Social Lounge. It was located off of Trade street which was only minutes from her shop. She liked going to this place for 3 reasons 1. the age limit was 30 and up so she didn’t have to worry about hanging out with children 2. the atmosphere was 90’s ...the music was always a mix of R&B and hip hop..not this new school mess that's streaming everywhere you turn now. And 3. They have the best-fried chicken sandwich In Caldwell. Always hot And crispy with just the right amount of seasoning. It was served on 2 pieces of “light bread” as the owner called it covered with Duke's mayo... a piece of iceberg lettuce and thinly sliced tomato. Just thinking about it made Peas mouth water.

Jace, the bouncer/doorman greeted her as she walked in. Jace had to be about 6ft 4in with a deep voice and muscular build. His eyes were dark brown almost black even and he sported a thick beard, like cotton but he always kept it neatly groomed. Same with his hair which was also long and thick, and always kept in a ponytail braided to the back. He was always polite when Pea was around but you could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t with the bullshit. Hey young lady... we haven’t seen you in a while. I know... I’ve been trying to keep up with work you know that fashion & time stops for no one. Pea slowly walked into the bar she waved hello to Nell the owner & bartender. I will have Peach Crown in the rocks. Sure thing and would you like for me to put in an order of the usual for ya as well? Yes ma’am. While she was sipping her drink the DJ played The Dream ft. Fabulous - Shawty is a 10. This was his not-so-subtle way of flirting. And just like the clockwork, he arrived on her right side. When are you going to let me take you out? Well hello, you too... I’m sorry. I’m just not ready to date yet. Man, this guy must have done a number on your heart. I promise if you give me a chance I will take better care of it and you too. I am completely flattered but make no mistake I can take of myself. I’ve been doing it for quite some time now. How about this, when if ever I get back around to dating ...DJ AK you will be the first to know. He hesitantly accepted Pea's letdown and slowly retreated to his DJ booth. The sad part is that she could sense he was a great guy with a lot of potentials. Pea had made a habit of NOT using her senses to peek into anyone’s thoughts she always that the whole thing was just too damn intrusive however the guy had been so persistent and a total gentleman so she became curious. Honestly, the only reason she turned him down was for his protection and safety. Even though she looked and played the part of a human well. She knew that there was so much more to her that he could not find out.

After two more drinks, Pea paid the check took her chicken sandwich, and headed home. When she moved to Caldwell instantly she felt at home so the first thing she did was locate a realtor to help her find a fixer-upper on the nice side of town. Pea arrived at her home on Wallace avenue she hit the garage opener pulled her Bentley Bentayga inside and then hit the button again to close the door. Pea got out went up the stairs to the door that let her into her kitchen. After she let herself in the house then changed into her comfy spandex tights and over Sized T-shirt. Then she put the tv on to Food Network, sat down in her favorite chair with her chicken sandwich. There was a Kitchen marathon running which was a perfect way to close out the day.

Tonight I want everyone in pairs of three, it seems that our enemies are traveling in packs now. We will need to do the same. Thorment the has already released the schedules we will patrol starting with the center of town then work our way towards the outskirts. Don’t attempt to a fucking hero if you come across something that looks suspicious. Radio it in and wait on backup. After a couple of other points were made the meeting was over. Lassiter sat in on the meetings it was an unspoken duty of his. He knew that his role was to run point guard between everyone on duty. And with him spotting Devina he needed to be on his toes. He had been trying to locate her ever since the night he saw her in that wedding gown hovering over the bridge. First of all how tacky was the whole act... a wedding dress. Devina in white... Gimmie a fucking break. And after last night's disaster, he felt like she was toying with him. Yogi had been out of training for some time so he knew the proper protocol. He said that everything happens so quickly .. it was like the enemy could read his thoughts. He was in pretty bad shape by the time his help arrived. For some reason, he was in Lassiter's blind spot which again was odd because seeing all and knowing all was kinda his thing. By the time Zadist and Phury made it to him, he has suffered a gunshot and a stabbing. Good thing Manny has the RV in the field full time now because he was able to begin working on Yogi immediately. Lassiter rode in the RV back to the compound and waited on Yogi to come out of surgery before he went to his private sanctuary. He needed to recharge his battery so to speak and he also wanted to check on things up top. Lassiter was by no means hard-ass but he knew the importance of showing his face. Upon arriving he entered his room and headed straight for the shower. After shampooing his hair and scrubbing himself clean he emerges from the shower in his favorite pink feathered robe. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of how was going to assist the brotherhood with defeating Devina. He walked over to the stack of journals left to him by his predecessor and picked up the story of Charm. He didn’t particularly care for reading all of this stuff because it was all quite boring and repetitive. Also, let’s face it for the first few journals all the stories ended the same way. The war began and the Omega army wiped out entire first families. Either 1 survived to tell the story or none survived in which case the journal was incomplete ... This part of the job was just downright depressing but it was the history of the brotherhood and how it all came to be. Lassiter thought to himself... what I wouldn’t give for this to be a movie or even a soap opera that way I can just tune it every day. He tossed the journal back on top of the stack and wouldn’t you know it.. the journal didn’t land evenly which cause them all to fall over on the floor. Great!! Another mess for me to clean up. He walked over to the mess and started picking them up and restacking them. When he got down to the bottom of the pile there was a small piece of paper with an address written on it 311 Redd Ave/Fashion District..... Now, why would the Scribe Virgin have this address tucked away? He looked down at the 3 remaining books he had left to stack and wondered which one the address fell out of? Oh well finding this address is worth a trip to the city.... but first, he would need to pay a visit to Brother Vishous to get some plastic capital. After all, angels didn’t need to carry cash around. Lassiter touched back down to the mansion as the sun was setting, time to find the big guy. He knocked on the door to the pit before he entered. Vishous was sitting behind his command center reviewing security footage. Hello.. you are just the man I was looking for. Vishous responded without looking up from the screen, I can assure you that I am most certainly NOT the man you are looking for. Oh come on, I need a favor. Vishous looked up from the screen, you need a favor from me? Yes, that’s correct, I Lassiter need a favor fro you Vishous. If I grant you this “favor” what's in it for me? I will owe you one, one great big-ass favor. Anything of my choice. Lassiter nodded his head as long as it’s within my power ask and it will be yours. Vishous said deal.

Lassiter materialized downtown a few blocks from REDD AVE. This was the entrance into the fashion district a bunch of boutiques and stores that thrived on Haute fashion. This is a place where it was normal to walk past a guy dressed in designer from head to toe. Tom Ford is not just a label but a way of life for this block. Anyway, a few of the shops he approached didn’t have anything that interested him, he could tell just by looking through the windows. He walked to the end of the block then crossed over onto REDD Ave. halfway down the block, Lassiter spotted THE most stunning piece of clothing he had ever seen. It was a half lime green and half black leather MOTO Jacket!! The jacket was accented with black and lime green zippers that were completely covered in black and lime green rhinestone. He immediately looked at the name of the store which was Top He4vy. A store with this kind of unique fashion is something he needed to remember.. and well, well, well what do ya know the address plate on the building is 311 Redd Ave.

Hello, Welcome to Top He4vy Boutique!! I’m Que let me know if I can be of assistance with anything. He was greeted by a tall slender guy earlier ’20s. Muscular build very neat clean face I guess he would be considered a pretty boy. He puts you in the mind of a young man that might have pledged in one of those fraternities that have a STROLL!! Hi! I saw this masterpiece of a jacket in the window. Sure, let me grab that for you... you know you can’t go wrong with a good leather moto jacket. Que removed the jacket from the model and handed it to Lassiter while leading him over to one of the floating mirrors in the store. Looks good on you...

You know we have the matching boots as well. Would you like to see them? Sure... just then the door to the boutique opened again and 2 young ladies entered one blond and one strawberry blond. Both carrying several bags all designer of course. Welcome to Too Heavy Boutique, I’m Que let me know if you need anything. Sir let me grab those boots from the back for you... what size did you need? 11 D if you have it. Que went to the back of the store where the overstock was he stuck his head inside of Peas’ office to see if she was done with the conference call that she had been on with the distributor. He threw up his hand to wave and grab her attention. Pea responded I’m off the call, what’s up? You will never guess... there is a guy out here who is interested in buying the lime green Moto?! Que was trying to hold back the giggles... I think he may be in some kinda band... he has ALOT piercing and black/ blond hair. Very retro 80’s vibe. Well in that case let me take a peek at him.

They did this sort of thing a lot whenever someone eccentric and unique came into the store they both would service them. Just so they could gab about it later. Que found the boots in his size and then they both headed back out to the sales floor. The gentleman’s back was to the both of them as he was still admiring himself in the mirror. Excuse me sir here is that 11D for you and I would also like to introduce you to our store manager. Lassiter turned around to take the shoe and went completely into shock. Standing beside the young sales associate was a whole new set of problems.

Pea was completely dumbfounded as she reached out to shake his hand. She knew exactly what he was and by the looks on his face, he had to know about her. They both were not the humans that they appeared to be. Hi! She said in a shaky voice so I see you like the Moto jacket trying to keep a smile on her face. Lassiter cleared his throat and responded yes.... yes I do. Que broke up the awkward moment by inserting the boots. Before he could say anything one of the young ladies began pointing at a dress that was hanging too high for her to reach. Que why don’t you go help them out and I will finish up here. Sure thing.

Lassiter took the boots and headed over to one of the benches. Do you want to go first or should I? You go Pea responded. Okay very well then, my name is Lassiter and I’m a guardian of sorts. Of sorts?! Pea responded Yea ma’am... I may not carry out my tasks in the traditional sense but I am known for getting the job done. How did you find me? Pea asked. I didn’t, this address was in the book left to me by my predecessor. Um huh... so when you say left to you. Does that mean your predecessor is no longer around? I wouldn’t say that she’s always around but she is not on shall we say “ on duty” anymore. Pea saw Que looking back over in their direction so she quickly smiled and nodded toward the boots “ how’s the fit?”

Lassiter looked down and said good I will take them both. Perfect, let’s get you checked out. Que, he’s gonna take them both may you start ringing him up. After Lassiter removes the jacket and boots and fixed his clothes he walked over to the register. Que rang him up... he handed over the black Amex that V gave him along with the matching fake id. Thank you for shopping with us today Mr. Logan and please come back. Lassiter said thank you and headed towards the exit. Satisfied with his sale Que walked back to 2 young ladies. Aah Que I’m going to head over to Starbucks my latte is cold... do you want anything? No, I’m good. Hold down the fort.

Lassiter was already out of the store and waiting on Pea off to the side of the building. They casually walked toward Starbucks as if it were an accident that they bumped into each other again. Okay, I have questions Lassiter stated... Shoot... who are you?! And why are you in downtown Caldwell? Why was this address in a journal left to me? How long have you been here? And am I supposed to be helping you or should you help me? I’m so confused right now. With a giggle, Pea turned and said wow you weren’t kidding with the questions. As they approached Starbucks Pea stopped and turned to Lassiter “Before I start answering all your questions I have two questions for you .. who are you? where is Wrath? I am sorta a friend of Wraths. I mean the King. Wrath is the King and he is at home with Queen Beth and their son LW. Great!! Then to answer your questions I am no one of importance, I’ve been in Caldwell about a year now, and your predecessor left my address in that book so that I can help you. She started walking up towards the Starbucks entrance and Lassiter grabbed the door as they entered she asked him...do you have a cellphone, I will text you my home address and you can meet me there tonight around 8:30 pm. Lassiter gave her his number she pulled out her iPhone 12 Pro Max and sent him the address. taking out his phone to confirm 7912 Wallace Ave... Lassiter couldn’t help himself... oh you live in the snazzy part of town huh. Pea just laughed it off and said but of course. Pea got in line and Lassiter exited the building.

7 pm rolled around and Pea decided to go ahead and lock up the store for the evening. Que had done well for the day commission wise and so he was okay with it. Pea decided that since she was having company over that she would cook a meal for her guest. No doubt he would be full of questions for her and she needed to ready to answer them. Her specialty was southern food. A few decades ago she spent time traveling the south more specifically the Low Country and she just fell completely in love with the food. So the menu tonight would be Fried chicken, collard greens with smoked neckbones, mac n cheese, white pepper gravy, and white rice and cornbread muffins served with warm cane patch syrup.

She hadn’t had much of an appetite lately and her body was becoming achier. so she figured since soaking in her deep pool style tub wasn’t working as well as it once did maybe she should just do more. Because if she was being honest with herself... her schedule had become quite routine... home..work....maybe Nells lounge for drinks....and that’s it. Day in day out same thing over and over. Pea arrived home ready to cook. She took out the pots and pans, put on some of the soul music stations, and got to work in the kitchen. She did enjoy cooking there was something very cathartic about it. After everything was simmering and the fried chicken was in the oven warming Pea went downstairs to her basement bedroom and took a quick shower threw on pair of Nike tights and oversized T-shirts and headed back upstairs to await her guest. 8:30 pm on the dot Lassiter materialized on the Wallace block a few houses down from where Pea lived. He was only familiar with this side of town because the brothers Darius & Thorment both lived somewhere over in this area some time ago. He approached her house white with black shutters you could tell it had complete renovation done. The farmhouse look was nice and something you didn’t see in the city all the time. When he got on the porch he could smell the fried chicken he hit the doorbell and Pea answered right away. Hey, come on in. Did you cook? Yea I threw a little something together for us to snack on. Lassiter shrugged out of his jacket and laid it on the arm of the sofa. Pea walked into the kitchen and begin the lay the food out Buffett style Lassiter's eyes grew Bigger with each entree. Shall we eat first and then talk or vice versa? Grabbing a plate Lassiter said EAT. FIRST. Pea made a plate and knew she would have to force the food down because her appetite has been completely crap lately. After they ate dinner Lassiter took a deep breath rubbed his stomach and said I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been chosen to be the protector over the king and the brotherhood but I think I’m losing ground. Our soldiers are being placed in harm's way and this new threat to them is a real bit— beast. She has so much hate in her soul and so much control over the evil. How can I fortify these guys so that they can compete because what they have now is not enough? I need to find her weakness so that I can take her out. How do you know the evil is her? The Destroyer prophecy came to light the Omega is no more And Devina assisted with his destruction. Devina? Yes, she is The Omega’s little sister. Lassiter took a swallow of sweet tea and ran his fingers through his hair. and that’s the just of it. Pea sat for a moment then got up and begin to clear the dishes. Listen, I’m willing to help educate you about your new role and possibly find a weakness for Devina. Because one thing is for sure... the only thing that combats darkness and evil is goodness and light. I have only 2 conditions 1. We train from a neutral location because I can’t have my identity be compromised and 2. No matter what we find out after 3 weeks, I get to leave and come back to normal life. Deal? Lassiter held out his hand and said deal. We will train at the brotherhood mansion it’s secure and neutral. Brotherhood mansion? Yup everyone resides there, they have plenty of room. Okay, and what will you tell them when they ask who am I? With a smirk Lassiter responded with his best southern accent: why, You’ll be my cousin Peanut from down south. Okay... so then you pick me up here tomorrow at 8 pm. I will need to make arrangements at the store.

Pea went into the store the next day good thing she had both Samantha and Que on the schedule. She told them that she had a family emergency come up and that would be out of the office for the next few weeks. They both were responsible and she trusted them to run things accordingly. Once she got home she soaked in her tub for a good long hour trying to soothe her muscles as much as could but it wasn’t helping. So she went ahead did something she never had done before which was take ibuprofen. Hopefully, that would make the muscle aches more manageable, she got packed up for the three weeks in a big rolling suitcase, a smaller duffel bag, and her purse. At 7:58 she looked out the window and Black Cadillac Escalade ESV pulled into her driveway. The passenger side door swung open and Lassiter hopped out. Nice wheels... They aren’t mine. I caught a ride with a friend Are these all your bags? Yes.. too much? I wasn’t sure what to bring... haven’t ever done this before. You are good. Pea made sure everything was locked up tight and followed Lassiter to the SUV. While he put her bags in the back she went to the opened back door on the passenger side. How are ya? A big guy said with a thick Southie accent. I’m doing well and yourself. I’m good so you just moved here from down south? Yes, the Myrtle Beach area, and this guy here is your cousin. Yes, sir... don’t let this city scare you okay. It’s a great place to live but you have to be on your P’s & Q’s. No pun intended ...Yes sir. Butch give her a break she is not that fragile. As they pulled off slowly Pea had a gut feeling that this wasn’t going to be as easy as she had planned. After a 30 minute ride and going through a series of what had to be gates due to the stop and going Pea assumed. The windows all had those shades that came up and covered them. So she couldn’t see where she was. Lassiter turned around from the front seat and said we’re here. He hopped out and then opened her door. The brother butch went around the back grabbed Peas bags. The male was HUGE ... Pea remembered studying about the brotherhood ... they were bred to be elite, the biggest and strongest of the race. Follow me Lassiter said... let’s go inside. The word mansion didn’t do this place justice it was more like a 2 hotels and palace wrapped into one big place. We walked to the double doors and butch looked up to what Pea assumed to be was the camera because the doors opened then we entered a large vestibule where Butch repeated the same Process and then another set of doors were opened by a butler. He immediately took Peas bags from butch and said madam I will place these in your guest room. Pea dropped her head and said thank you. And as she crossed over the threshold into the foyer her joints were on fire. She knew this was a mistake. So who all lives here? before Lassiter could answer Butch started running off names. My brothers Vishous by the way he likes to be called V his sister Payne, Zadist, his twin brother Phury, Rhage, Tohrment, John Matthew, Qhuinn & Blaylock, Zcor and his crew all our Shellens and young. The Rev may stop by and oh yea the king & queen Wrath and Beth and their son.

King and Queen?! As in King Wrath son of Wrath?! Holy shit!

Pea felt like the wind had been knocked out of her... how on earth was she going to make it in this house for three weeks around so many male vampires not to mention the king himself. Come on into the game room you might as well meet everyone now. Pea slowly followed Lassiter into room where she spotted Vishous & Payne first. They both resembled their mahmen. Butch started the introductions as Pea waved hello. She was introduced to Manny Payne’s husband John Matthew, Quinn, Blaylock, Layla, and the twins. The Queen stuck her head and with cutest little fellow on her hip... he truly was the spitting image of his father. Hi Lassiters cousin correct? Yes my name is Peanut but I go by Pea Well Pea welcome to our home any family of Lassiters is family to us as well. Feel free to help yourself to anything and if you need any help don’t hesitate to reach out. This little fellow wants a snack.

Here let me show you where you will be sleeping..Lassiter escorted Pea down a hall that had enough priceless paintings and collectibles, that it could have held it on at any museum. The room that Pea would be staying in was located in the middle of hall. When Lassiter opened the door Pea went completely speechless. The room was decorated like something straight out the Biltmore mansion. Big dramatic curtains the went from the ceiling to the floor, fabric wall paper, chandelier lighting, more expensive paintings, deep custom walk in closet, bathroom with tub big enough for a few people to soak in. At least I will be comfortable, Pea thought to herself. She went and sat on the edge of the bed her joints stiffened and her stomach growled. She used the restroom washed her hands and face then clamped down on her all her instincts and walked into the hall. Lassiter went ahead and setup in sitting room off from the library. He had what appeared to be volumes of the scribe virgins journals. They chronicled the battles and enemies to the brotherhood. Starting with the first warrior. this is where I think we should start? Before Pea could answer her stomach blurred out a loud roar... I didn’t eat lunch today... can we grab something quick? Sure I will have the doggen make you something... what would you like? I can do something small maybe like a smoothie with fruit berries banana and beets..lots of beets.. Beets? Lassiter said making a yuck face First of all beets are good for you and if you roast them they get sweeter. And a turkey sandwich. The sandwich was just a decoy. She hoped the smoothie would get her though the evening.

As they began to comb through the volumes... Pea started to reminisce about the time she had spent with Annalise and her newborn twins. At that time Pea was completely lost and the world she thought she knew was snatched from under her yet again. Her young life been a constant moving circus. From pillar to post she sometimes slept in a bed and other times she found shelter in screened porch. She never kept the same ghaurdian for a long period of time because it just wasn’t safe for either of them. Sometimes she was awaken in the dead of night and was told we have to move now. There was no time to pack anything or say goodbyes to people that had been generous enough to open up their homes to her. So by the time was a teenager she really was looking and yearning for a mother figure and a home . Just her luck that she would land in the hands of a women that was all business. Even though she had two young of her own it was obvious that she had no kindness or affection to spare when it came to Pea.

The Scribe Virgin had made it clear from the very beginning that Pea was there for her protection and tutelage. Starting from her first day in the sanctuary Pea began reading the journals and committing the most important parts to memory. The information all be it very interesting just did not appeal to Pea whatsoever. But since she was in the care of the Scribe she committed all her time to studying the history so that if the Scribe ever needed her expertise on any subject she would be able to supply an answer. Now after all this time her training was finally going to be useful.

Havers had made it very clear that he was not to be disturbed for at least an hour after he made his last rounds. He blocked the same time out on his weekly schedule concurrently. This was the time he did his transfusions it had been years since he had taken a vein and although the transfusions didn’t supply everything he needed. He was able to survive and He just couldn’t bare the thought of having to take blood from another women. Wether she be of noble blood or not. He felt it would be betrayal to his dearest Evangeline. Havers still remembered the way she smelled it was like fresh cinnamon n Apple spice. Her hair was black and thick like cotton with soft coiled curls throughout she always wore it down because she knew that was the way he liked it. Her smile was warm and inviting like sunshine and her eyes were the color of chocolate brown. She was everything that he could have imagined and then some. Like most marriages of high born their mating was arranged at birth. When her father found out that Havers would be attending medical school. He immediately put her on a path to become a nurse so that they would have something in common. Evangeline attend Rutgers night classes of course graduated in the top 10 percentile of her class. From her first day at his clinic, they were a natural team he admired her drive focus and dedication. She had the ability to communicate with patients on a more personable level. Whereas his approach was very clinical and direct. The knocking at door became louder then the intercom went off. Code blue paging doctor havers code blue in the ER reception area. Havers stopped his infusion pulled down his sleeves and put in his lab jacket and took off. This was the third attack in the past two weeks the patients were coming in more mangled than ever. He knew that he should reach out to the brotherhood about this since there was a pattern forming. But per his last encounter with them nothing had changed he knew he wasn’t on their list of favorite people and vice versa. Maybe he would contact his sister Marissa she was the shellen of the brother Butch He could let her know what’s going on and then she could relay the message. The only problem with that was it had been two years since they last spoke. When she upstaged him at the meeting with families of glymera. Honestly he couldn’t blame her for the way she treated him after all it had been him who started the whole thing by putting her out of their family home just before sunrise. The only way to start mending fences is to put in a phone call which is exactly what he intended to do afterwards. The preservation and safety of the race was more Important than a disagreement between siblings.

After he finished his third surgery he walked back to his office looked up the number to A SafePlace and put the call in. He was prepared to leave a message for his sister to call him back but instead she answered the phone on the second ring. Hello, this is Marissa Greetings Sister Mine, how fair thee this evening? Marissa couldn’t believe the voice coming out of the receiver It had belonged to her brother which she hadn’t spoken to in what felt like forever.

Ahh...I am well brother mine to what do I owe this pleasure? I have a number of cases that are involving brutality. All patients have come in near death their bodies near drained of blood. I’m sure that your husband and his brothers are very busy but if you could bring this to his attention. I would be completely grateful. Marissa took detailed notes and agreed to speak to Butch. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her brother until she heard his voice. She tried to keep on the line but he said he had patients that needed his attention. After Marissa hung up she sat at her desk for minute taking in the fact that her brother reached out to her. The issue of course was very urgent but the fact that Havers had taken his time to dial her up and deliver the information first hand literally had blown Marissa mind. Havers could have sent an email or one of his nurses could have called and left a message. But instead he choose to call her. This gave Marissa hope.. hope that maybe they could mend fences. She really did miss her brother. After a moment had passed Marissa snapped to attention and dialed you her Hellrens number. Hey baby... what’s doing? I just received a call from my bro- I mean Havers... he asked me to inform you about series of cases that have just now started coming to the ER. Marissa provided her Hellren with the same details that had been given to her. Butch told her that he will pass the information along to Tohrement as that was the chain of command. Marissa is there anything else that you want to share with me baby? No, no that’s all he said , why do you ask? Because I can hear something different in your voice. Well it just been such a long time since I’ve heard my bro- I mean Havers... well my brothers voice. That’s all.. Butch listened to Marissa take a deep breath and then said listen I will get this information over to the higher ups and then I’m meeting you for lunch. Marissa politely accepted the invitation and told Butch she loved him and then ended the call. Butch got up from the bar in the great room and made his way upstairs to Wrath’s study ... he knew that Tohr would be in there working with Wrath. It was almost time for 2nd meal and since he was taking Marissa lunch... he wanted to deliver the message and get moving immediately after.

Butch took to the stairs two at a time and when he reached the top he continued a slow jog until he reach Wrath’s office. The door was open which was a good sign maybe he could get in and out without many questions. He gave a light tap on the outside of door as he passed through both of the massive brothers looked up at and greeted him. Sup Butch.. hey I just got a call from Marissa. You will never guessed who contacted her today... Tohr looked at Butch and said.. I despise guessing games, while Wrath said is this really necessary? Not in the least Butch replied. Apparently Havers wanted to give us a heads up on some patients that he recently treated in the ER. He noticing a pattern of mangled body parts or the bodies being nearly drained of blood. Wrath lifted his wrap around shades and rubbed his eyes while Tohr got up and started walking towards the window. Do we know how many people have been effected by this? Havers did not say.. Butch please thank Marissa for me and see if Havers would be open to us possibly speaking with one of the victims. Tohr I will need you to handle this first hand... I would like to assist if possible Butch spoke up. Very well Wrath agreed.. I will give the brothers a briefing on this at the close of shift meeting. I’m going to meet Marissa for lunch you mind if we meet later. No problem.. hit up when you return. Butch went back downstairs and the door to head over to A Safe Place to meet up with his Shellen for lunch. He didn’t like the way she sounded over the phone and all his instincts told him that she needed him now. Marissa was standing outside as Butch pulled the ESV up the driveway... she greeted him with a loving smile. Hi baby you ready for lunch, yes but if we could talk for a moment. Butch put the truck in park and turned to give Marissa his full attention. I miss my brother. He is my baby brother and today is the first day I have spoken to him in two years. I know this shouldn’t cause me worry but it does. Would I offend you if I were to call him? Marissa you are right he is your family and so he is my family, please call him if that is what it takes to make you feel better. A lot of time has passed since your last encounter with him, maybe he has soften a bit by now. Marissa reached over the console and kissed her hellren and said I love you more and more each minute of each hour of each day.

Back in his private lab Havers tried to start the transfusion process again Hopefully this time he will be able to complete it with no distractions. In the very beginning he was excited about the possibility of vampires being able to live off of intravenous blood transfusions. It would mean wonders for so many people. Not having to rely on another the sustain a healthy balance blood diet. But alas in all the years of trials he just hadn’t come across the right combination to call the is process a success. When he rolled up his jacket sleeve there were needle sticks and track marks up and down his arms. If one didn’t know any better they would swear he was using drugs. The fact of the matter was he could only use a spot once. After that the spot became very tender and developed a dark purple bruise under the skin that healed at an extremely slow pace. He figured this had to a side effect from the transfusion. After a very careful observation he located a spot on left forearm, inserted the needle and began the IV pump. Evangeline my dearest I miss you so much. How does one heart heal after experiencing pure love and friendship. I miss you everyday my shellen, I miss the life we made with each other plus the little life that grew inside of you. With tears in his eyes Havers reached over to his computer pulled up his playlist and selected How Came You Mend A Broken Heart By Al Green. This is what his life had become memories, sorrow, sadness, patients and transfusions. Over lunch Marissa shared Havers story with Butch. Havers wasn’t always a pencil pushing buttoned up robotic nerd. He was once considered to be the life of the party. He had a great sense of humor and was very skilled in basketball. Butch had a hard time believing that one but whatever. However once he lost his shellen and child he became a different person. Butch remembered how Tohr was when he came back after he lost Wellsie. He wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone. Butch suggested in a round about way ... maybe it’s time for your brother to move on. To be honest Marissa had thought about herself a time or two but how do you tell that to a grieving widower? After he dropped Marissa back off to

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queerlyhalloween · 3 years

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Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

#tw suicide mention #child abuse #homophobia #transphobia #ablesim #racism #*muffled screaming*#im shit at tagging sorry if i missed anything but im out i think

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zoequeenz · 4 years

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Extreme Aggressor (Part 1)

A/N: Hi, so here is my Criminal Minds rewrite that I started a few years ago. I only have the first three episodes written and uploaded on my Wattpad and Quotev and I thought it would be interesting to try Tumblr out. Hopefully y’all enjoy!

MASTERLIST

Seattle, Washington

034321

Z4SALE: I’ll send you a picture of the car…

Z4SALE: New Paint. New tires. Not bad, huh?

HEATHER: Why so low on the price?

Z4SALE: Moving. Must sell ASAP. You up for a test drive?

Heather though nervous really needs that car. She quickly grabs her red umbrella and goes to the meetup spot. The red Datsun Z pulls up and honks twice to get her attention. She smiles impressed. The man gets out of the car to introduce himself. Due to the pouring rain the man has his hood over his head.

“Hey.”the seller says.

“Wow!” Heather says with clear amazement in her voice.

The man runs over to shake hands with Heather.

“Hey, I’m Heather.” She states.

“Nice to meet ya.” The man remarks.

Heather runs to the driver’s seat while the seller gets in the passenger’s spot. Once they are both in the car Heather takes off.

“It’s a 2.4 liter, 6-cylinder engine.” The seller notes in a flat tone.

“With Hitachi side-draft carbs.” Heather mentions while smiling.

“That’s right. Wanna take a look under the hood?” The man chuckles.

“Yeah!” Heather declares.

They pull over and get out to look under the hood.

“You know your Z’s. I’m impressed.” The man congratulated closing the hood of the car.

“You should have your mechanic check it out anyway.” He continues.

“Okay.” Heather says in a small voice.

“How ‘bout I leave you my number and we can set it up?” The driver tells Heather.

“Thank you.” Heather replies as he opens the door to the car so he can drive her back to her office.

As she gets in the driver removes the inside door lock and Heather is locked in the car. She points signalizing the way to go.

“So it’s just...right up here.” Heather pointing to the right.

The driver doesn’t stop.

“Oh! That was..”Heather chuckles.

“Hello! There was the right.” Heather attempts to explain.

But the man continues to drive down the street.

“Uh, maybe just...pull over here, and we can try a U-turn.” Heather says in a nervous voice trying to make the man to drop her off at the meet up spot.

As the man continues to drive and ignore Heather she starts to get distressed.

“What are you doing?” Heather questions becoming more and more uncomfortable.

The man continues to drive and ignore Heather. Heather is starting to become even more scared.

“Okay. Stop the car. Pull over now!” Heather demands in a firm voice.

The man continues to drive. Heather looks out her window then looks down and notices that the inner door lock is gone and that it is lock. She turns to look at the man with fear in her eyes. The driver hits her in the face knocking her out and continues down the road.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Aaron Hotchner’s POV

Washington, DC

“How ‘bout Andrew? It’s Greek for ‘valiant’.” Haley suggested.

Haley and I are trying to pick out a name for our new baby. We know it is a boy, the only problem is we can’t agree on a name.

“Let’s call him..Sergio.” I suggest with a smile on my face.

“Please tell me you’re kidding.” Haley chuckles.

“Butch?” I throw out.

“How about Donald?” She asks.

“Hans.” I say quickly.

“No! Wait, wait. Um...okay. Gideon.” She states.

“Not a chance.” I say walking over to her.

“It’s Hebrew. Look what it means. It’s perfect. Gideon Hotchner. Haley says trying to persuade me.

“No.” I say raising my eyebrows.

“Yes.” she repiles.

“No.” I tell her moving closer.

“Yes.” she declared.

“No.” I murmured kissing my wife.

“Gideon.” She ended.

My phone rings. Both Haley and I already knowing what that meant we kiss and hug just as I get a fax. When I get the paper it says missing person with the picture of Heather Woodland.

Derek Morgan’s POV

(At the bar with three women at a table.)

“It’s the 1940s. He put bombs in train stations and movie theaters.” I question the three women.

“Uh, the “Mad Bomber,” George Metesky.” The woman in the blue shirt said.

“Nice. The winners sit. Losers, drink.” I exclaimed in an impressed tone.

“Hold on. Metesky wasn’t a serial killer. None of his bombs ever killed anyone.” The woman in the red dress adds.

“Well, you think all we do is serial killers? Trust me, we cover the whole spectrum of psychos. We profiled the “DC Sniper,” the “Unbomber.” We do terrorists, arsonists-” I explain before I get cut off.

“Supervisory agents trying to get trainees drunk?” The woman in the red dress questions while nodding.

Then my cell rings. It’s from the BAU. The woman in the striped shirt looks over my shoulder at my phone.

“Wow. Behavioral Analysis Unit. You work with Gideon? Were you with him in Boston?” She woman asked me.

I look back and answer “ I was supposed to be.” I turn back around to answer “Yeah this is Morgan.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Jason Gideon’s POV

(A Projection of various of victims)

“Anyone recognize these faces?” I ask the class I am teaching.

“Victims of the “Footpath Killer.” I female student answers.

“That’s what Virginia newspapers are calling him. We refer to him as the UNknown SUBject or Unsub.” I tell the class. As agents we don’t like to give the Unsub a name it just doesn’t seem right.

The lights come back on in the classroom. I keep on explaining how we figured it out as pictures of the victims flashed on the screen behind me.

“I told Virginia PD we’re looking for a white male in his 20s… who owns an American-made truck in disrepair. Works a menial job. I told ‘em you find him… don’t be surprised to hear him speak with a severe stutter.”

“Not to sound skeptical, but come on… a stutter?” She questions.

“Where’d the murders occur? Hiking paths. Isolated. If I’m a killer who has to use an immediate application of overpowering force, even out in the middle of nowhere, I lack confidence. I can’t charm them into my car like Ted Bundy did. I can’t because I am ashamed of something.” I tell the class trying to get them to understand how I came to this conclusion.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Persephone Chase’s POV

I’m sat at my desk filling out some paperwork when my best friend Spencer Reid comes up to my desk.

“Spencer I have told you this a thousand times, you can’t keep showing me physics magic Hotch already warned you once.” I tell him before looking up.

“Actually Persephone we have a case.”he tells me.

I look up and notice a two files in his hands. He hands one to me and I look it over. It talks about the disappearance of a woman named Heather Woodland.

“Hurry we have to go get Gideon.”he tells me as he waits for me to get up.

“No, you need to get Gideon you just don’t want to go alone.” I state.

“ I hate that you can read me like that.”he laughs.

As we walk down he gives me more information on the case. Once we get to the classroom Reid opens the door and taps the file with his hand to gets Gideon’s attention.

“Excuse me.”Gideon dismisses himself from the class and comes with us to be briefed.

“They’re calling him the “Seattle Strangler.” Spencer informs.

“Four victims in four months.” I add in.

“He keeps ‘em alive seven days.” Spencer continues.

“The handle serves as a crank.” I finish.

“Allowing him to control the rate of suffocation.” Gideon tells us.

“To prolong it?” Spencer asks.

“To enjoy it. Seattle’s hit a wall.” States Gideon.

“He gets pleasure out of suffocation?” I ask out loud.

“I would assume so Chase.” Gideon answers.

“Physical evidence is nonexistent. There are no tangible leads.”Spencer says just as we arrive at an office.

“And another girl missing.” Gideon says grabbing the photo from Spencer.

“I looked the case file over. I’ll get some thoughts to you ASAP.” Gideon tells us as he stand behind a desk.

“You’re gonna be with us in Seattle ASAP.” Hotch says entering the room with Morgan right behind him.

“Hey Little One. How have you been?” Derek asks me.

“I’ve been good, lots of paperwork it’s like I never leave the office.” I tell him while pulling him into a hug. He then turns around to show Gideon a picture of the victim Heather Woodland.

“22-year-old Heather Woodland.” He says handing Gideon the picture and taking a step back.

“Before she left for lunch, she downloaded an email with a time-delayed virus attached. The killer’s virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen.” Hotch informs us handing the message to Gideon.

They look at each other for a while before Gideon walks over to the wall and begins to read “For heaven’s sake, catch me before I kill more. I cannot control myself.” When he looks up we all look over at a picture on the wall. It says the same thing and under it, it reads “ William Heirens, Lipstick Killer, 1945.”

“He never keeps them for more than seven days, which means we have fewer than 36 hours to find her.” Hotch points out.

“They want you back out in the field. Are you ready?” I ask him remembering why he took a six month leave in the first place.

“Looks like medical leave’s over, boss.” Spencer adds.

“They sure they want me?” Gideon questions.

“The order came from the director.” Smirked Hotch.

“Well, we’d better get started.” Gideon says blankly.

As we drive to the airport I get in a car with Spencer and Gideon. It is silent for most of the ride which makes me uncomfortable because is seems too quiet. Spencer looks back at me and notices my discomfort.

“Hey Persephone, do you think it’s weird that we don’t have nicknames for each other.”Spencer asks me.

“Why would you ask me that?” I ask him.

“Well don’t best-friends give each other nicknames?” he asks me.

“If you want nicknames then we’ll have nicknames.” I declare smiling.

Spencer turns around smiling. He has told me of his high school days and they were bad. I wish I could’ve been there to be his friend but sadly I lived in Indiana. A small town but a good place to grow up because it was small and everyone knew each other.

We get to the airport runway in front of the jet and jump out to meet Hotch and Morgan. We walk towards the plane and get ready to go to Seattle.

“Joseph Conrad said, “The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.”

Hotch and a female agent exit the other car and head to the plane with us.

“This girl may only have 36 hours to live. We’re not asking for a judgement of Gideon. We want an assessment. We want to know you’re there to step in if he can’t perform. Are we clear?” she asks Hotch.

“Of course.” Hotch states.

He then joins us on the plane. Hotch comes to sit with me and Spencer. As we take off I look around. There weren’t many girls on the team which kinda sucked. No one to talk to about girl stuff. Our team has always been like this, well I have Garcia but she doesn’t come to the field with us she is a technical analyst for the team. After we’ve been up in the air for a few minutes Spencer begins to read the profile from beside me.

“His first victim was 26-year-old Melissa Kirsh. Stab wounds, strangulation.” Spencer told us.

“Wait,wait. Back up, back up. He stabbed her...and then strangled her to finish her off?””

“Why would he stab her then strangle her? The stabbing itself should’ve killed her if he left her there.” I state.

“Other way around. Why do you think he started using the belt with the second murder?” Gideon asks.

“Strangulation with your bare hands is not as easy as one would believe. He tried, probably found that it took too long…” Spencer tells us.

“So he stabbed her instead.” Derek finished for Spencer.

“And realized it would be hours cleaning up blood.” Hotch adds in.

“Next time, our boy’s got a method-- the belt.” Derek shares.

“He’s learning, perfecting his scenario. Becoming a better killer.” Gideon finishes.

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Heather Woodland’s POV (Victim)

Where am I? Why is it so dark in here. There is tape over my mouth and eyes so I can’t see or speak but I can tell I’m in a wire cage when I feel around. I’m able to move my hands because the man who took me didn’t tie me up. I touch the tape on my face. All of a sudden I hear a voice that makes me gasp.

“What did I tell you about the tape?” here asks in a mincing voice.

He is getting closer to the cage I can hear his footsteps. He smacks the cage and I scream. I can’t see or speak in this state I am very vulnerable. He reaches down and unlocks the lock but leaves the chain where it is.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I sob.

He then removes the chain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I sob again through the gag.

The door squeaks. “I’m sorry.” I sob waving my hands in front hopping it would provide me some protection from my kidnapper.

He grabs my wrist pulling me towards him with struggle due to the fact that I’m trying my best to stay in the back of the cage. He gets out nail clippers and begins to clip my nails. He continues to cut while I cry out.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Persephone Chase’s POV

We have finally landed and are currently driving to the FBI headquarters here in Seattle. I’m sitting next to Spencer when he turns to me and asks me a question.

“Have you thought of a nickname yet?” Spencer asks me.

“I have not, I am having so much trouble with it.” I tell him.

“Take as long as you need.” he repiles.

“Why do you want nicknames?” I ask.

“Well….”Spencer starts out but we pull up to the building and he rushes out of the car.

Odd, Spencer is never this nervous around me. He is an awkward person but ever since we started working together he became more comfortable with me. He grabbed what he needed and started to walk. I quickly got out and grabbed the last of what was needed and followed the team in. We have to put our bags through metal detectors as Gideon picks his up Derek nudges Spencer and I.

“He never stands with his back to a window. When I was between him and a doorway, he asked me to move.” Derek told us.

“So.” I said not understanding what he was applying.

“That’s hyper vigilance. It’s not uncommon in post-traumatic stress disorder.” Spencer tells us while Hotch catches up with us.

“Just how much disorder are we talking about?” Derek asks.

“Morgan, it’s been six months. Everything’s okay.” Hotch tells us calming me down more.

To be completely honest I’ve been worried about how this new case would affect Gideon. He has a soft spot for the team I know it and most importantly me and Spencer, but more for Spencer. He is a very good guy and I don’t want what happened to him six months ago affect his work. I know he needs time but you’d think six months would be enough. We walk to the bull pin a.k.a the place where all the agent’s desk are. Hotch introduces us.

“This is Special Agent Gideon, Special Agent Morgan, our expert on obsessional crimes, Special Agent Chase, and Special Agent Reid.” Hotch tells the agents of Seattle.

“Doctor Reid.” Gideon clarifies for Hotch.

“Dr. Reid, our expert on, well, everything, and after two years of busting my butt in this office, I hope you remember me.” Hotch jokes making everyone in the office chuckle, believe it or not he does have a sense of humor.

Gideon looks at the boards they set up then says.

“He’s willing to travel with the body.”

“Then he drives a vehicle capable of concealing one.” Hotch adds.

“One in 7.4 drivers in Seattle owns an SUV.” Spencer tells us. “Explorer with tinted windows.” Derek adds.

“Windows that keep whatever is hidden in your car away from public view.” I say.

“Explorers rate higher with women.” Spencer recalls.

This entire time Gideon has been glued to the board with the pictures of the victims. He looks at each board with each victim.

“But how do we know it’s his car?” Derek asks.

“Ted Bundy drove a VW Bug.” answering his rhetorical question.

“What about a Jeep Cherokee?” Hotch questions.

“Jeeps are more masculine.” Spencer tells him.

“We all know how an Unsub feels about asserting his masculinity.” Gideon says turning to face us.

“When did the Bureau become involved in the case?” Hotch asks.

“ After the fourth body. He dumped that one out of state.” an agent tells us.

“On purpose.” Hotch tells Gideon.

“If so, knowledge of law enforcement does suggest a criminal record.” Spencer says.

“Not always, it could just mean he knows the cops are catching on and he is trying to get them off his trail.” I say.

“Or that he watches television. May I?” Derek as extending his hand out to take a file.

“So you wanna see our suspect list?” asks another agent.

“No, we won’t look at a suspect list until after we come up with a profile. It keeps our perspective unbiased.” Hotch tells him.

“When do we sit down your task force?” asks Gideon.

“Four o’clock.” the agent responds.

FOUR..four. How are we supposed to create a profile before four. I haven’t done much field work in a while in rusty.

“An accurate profile by four o’clock today?” Derek questions thinking the same thing as me.

“That’s not a problem.” Gideon says.

Gideon walks towards the board and we all follow. I’m a bit nervous I know that I can do it, it’s just that I am a bit rusty. Like I mentioned before I have been doing desk work for a while, the field is a stranger to me at the moment. I guess Spencer noticed my discomfort and took a hold of my hand. I looked up at him and smiled. He always knew how to make me smile.

“Agent Gideon, where would you like to start?” Hotch asks him as he walks up to the board with victim number two Anne Cushing and he points at a photo and says.

“Let’s start at the site of the last murder.”

NEXT CHAPTER

#criminal minds #criminal minds series rewrite #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x OC #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid series #best friends with a genius profiler

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curtashiism · 4 years

Text

Some reflections on autism, femininity, and my nonbinary identity

So... I grew up in a conservative city. (Let’s just say not all parts of Washington state are as lovely as Seattle.) My parents were, and still are, remarkably progressive for their generation- they never had an objection to same-sex marriage- but it was very much a place where “gay” was an insult, something to be mocked, not a valid identity.

I was lucky, beyond words, that when I came out as a lesbian, my family, at least, accepted it without question. There was some surprise, and from my mom there were a lot of well-meaning but innocently offensive questions and comments, but they never wavered in their support. I got them both “proud dad/proud mom” buttons from Pride last year and they were THRILLED to have them.

It seemed really clear cut back then. I was a lesbian. And since the lesbian community is so open to women who aren’t really feminine, I didn’t feel the need to doubt anything.

But the doubts were there, and had been since I was little. I was a “tomboy” as a kid, not of the “plays sports” variety but of the “hates anything girls stereotypically do” kind. I hated dresses and skirts, and threw a fit when my mom would make me wear them for special occasions. You could forget about makeup. The only feminine trait I kept by choice is my long hair (but obviously that’s a non-exclusively feminine trait since many men keep long hair too.) My mom asked me once, one of her innocently insensitive comments, “well, if you’re a lesbian, and you don’t do anything girly, what makes you a woman? Is it your hair?” and I told her no. I didn’t have an answer for what did besides “that’s what I am.” Because gender identity is more than physical characteristics, after all, and she is still wrong that you have to be “girly” or have something that makes you so to be a “real” woman.

But, I really only ever answered “woman” to the gender question because it was the default. I knew I wasn’t a transgender male, and so therefore, by the thinking instilled in me growing up, I had to be a woman. But it never felt exactly right. Sure, it didn’t feel WRONG, but it didn’t feel right. I never felt like other, cis women do, you know? Cis women LOVE being women. I didn’t. I was just like... “oh, whatever. Sure, I guess, yeah, let’s go with that.” I hate how large my breasts are, I hate my period, and when I think about sex, the thought of being penetrated repulses me. (Which is one part of why I realized the “lesbian” label applies to me... except [TMI alert] I don’t like the thought of women putting things inside me, either.) Further, I have tokophobia (the fear of pregnancy, as well as the fear of becoming pregnant) and used to get very upset when my mom would tell me I’d be a great mom, or “when you’re a mom you’ll (x)” because I hated how the very idea of pregnancy made me feel.

And, I mean, I know all those things don’t have to mean I’m not a woman. Lots of cis women feel the same things I listed. I’m not saying those are why, those are just little ways I felt different from others that always had me wondering. But even then, I still thought it was a combination of me being a lesbian and me being autistic. Cause, lots of autistic girls are also not into “girly” things. We tend to have sensitive skin, which makes things like fancy clothes or makeup or jewelry difficult if not unbearable. (Again, you can be girly without liking any of those things, I’m just listing some of the easier to explain examples here for the sake of brevity.)

So, those explanations kind of helped me make an identity for myself. I was a woman, because I wasn’t a man. And I may not have been really “girly”, but lots of others like me weren’t either. I was just another lesbian woman.

But then recently I saw this Tweet going around about pronouns, and each person would retweet it with a list of pronouns and their thoughts on being called each. (I think it was she/her, they/them, he/him, xe/xir, it, and some other neopronouns.) And I thought about how I would feel in each situation. My appearance is still really feminine, and I have a very high-pitched voice, so there is a 0% chance I would ever be called he/his “in the wild”. So, this was the first time I thought about being called anything but she/her.

She/her- well, that’s what I already am. Yeah, sure, go for it, I thought, and then went down the rest of the list.

They/them- Nah. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right at all.

Xe/xir- God please no.

It- If anyone ever calls me this I will punch them repeatedly.

Other neopronouns- No, this really doesn’t work for me.

Then I thought about he/his.

You know that noise you make in your head when someone types “!!!!!” ?

That’s how I felt.

It just... it felt so AMAZING!!!

So then I had to do some thinking. Maybe I was just a much more butch lesbian than I thought? I always did act like “one of the boys” with my friend groups in school.

But that didn’t seem right either. Because the more masculine terms I imagined people using to and about me, the happier I felt. Then over the next few days, some close friends of mine who I requested to do so started calling me “bro” and other masculine things as a bit of an experiment for me, and it just... it felt really damn nice.

Feminine language didn’t, and doesn’t still, make me feel bad or dysphoric or anything. If we put my feelings on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “I’m about to cry” and 10 being “I’M SO HAPPY!”, having feminine language used for me is like a 6. It’s a “yeah, okay” sort of thing. But masculine? That’s a solid 10. I just smile every time I see it.

But as good as it felt, that created a bit of a problem for me. Because it felt a little too good to be a matter of being butch. So I was forced to engage in that dreaded activity known as “introspection”.

While I was trying to figure out what this all meant, I started looking at stuff people had written about being nonbinary. A lot of it made sense, really. Especially when people talked about subtle forms of dysphoria. Not all of it is hating your body, they explained. It definitely is a thing that happens to some people, but it takes lot of other forms... including stuff like what I listed above.

Feeling persistently different. Or even just feeling that it would be cool to have body parts change, even if you don’t want it enough to actually go out and change it. Cis people, they explained, would be horrified at the thoughts of changing anything. “It would be kinda cool if this was different” is still a form of dysphoria, still a decidedly NOT cis thing.

I know I’m not a trans man because I don’t want a lot of masculine features, like a deep voice or body hair, but I don’t enjoy a lot of my more feminine features either. So... nonbinary, because I’m neither, and I don’t WANT to be either male or female.

I’m still not sure what this all means for me, if it means making any significant changes or not, since this is all still pretty new for me. The only things I really know right now are that she/her or he/him pronouns are both fine, but I don’t like they/them, and I’m still going by Lexi online because I really don’t mind it at all; like I mentioned, feminine things don’t give me dysphoria or anything. I guess I could start going by Alex like I do IRL, but I don’t feel the need to.

And I also know that I’m only ever going to be out online, never in real life. I have transphobic siblings- even if they can understand me being a lesbian, trans people are a bridge too far for two of the three of them. One of them makes “attack helicopter” jokes and the other is outright a TERF. The other is open but admits to not knowing much about trans identities (which is fine!). I don’t feel like trying to explain to them what my nonbinary identity means when I’m still trying to figure out what my identity means myself.

I don’t really know why I made this post, really, since it only elaborates on what i said when I came out as nonbinary last week. I guess I just wanted to be open and honest with y’all since you’ve been so kind and supportive, so I wanted to let you know how I feel.

So, that’s that. Thanks for reading and listening and accepting, all. :)

#nonbinary

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heeres-suffering · 4 years

Text

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?”

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life...

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long.

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t.

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with.

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat.

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad.

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake.

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature)

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thewritingstar · 3 years

Note

Sorry for asking so much but if u dont mind i like to think that blossom sees boomer like his little bro so lile one day boomer having panic attack and blossom helping him. God i love my bby boy suffering

Oh don’t apologize! I love it! Ask as much as you want love. Fun fact, I used to have panic disorder from the age of 6- 17 so I know all about panic attacks. That wasn’t a very fun fact but uhhh, hope you enjoy!

Everything in this fic is from my own experience and I also took psychology as well.

So I’m going to write this with my version of my own attacks so what you see boomer having is equivalent to mine. From my own experience just so that no one comes for me, I can’t speak for about ten minutes and its had to move so im either sitting or under neath something like a desk. Once I can talk, I stutter and can barely form full sentences. Its important to know that panic attack and anxiety attacks are much different as the first doesn’t have triggers but the second does. Also the first thought you have when you going into a panic attack is thinking you are about to die, scary but its true.

Now that is out of the way, I hope you enjoy this fic and sorry that it took so long to do!

Pairing: Blossom and Boomer (non shipping)

Fandom: Powerpuff Girls

——

She never really knew how or why she heard it. Super hearing gave you many things but hearing the worlds smallest sob escape trembling lips was never something she usually picked up on.

It buzzed in her ear and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up with a slight chill. Soon her feet were taking her upstairs and it was the first time she had ignored the hall pass rule.

Being a hero meant she had to be ready for anything. Monster attacks, demons rising from the pits of hell and even gangs shooting up stores, it was all part of the deal, yet there were some problems that not even super powers could handle.

She opened the door to the roof slowly before stepping out and feeling the crisp and cool air of the morning. It would have been peaceful if someone wasn’t crying. Her foot steps were that of a ghost as she walked towards the other end and she dropped to her knees before placing a hand on a trembling shoulder.

“Boomer?” she asked quietly.

The blond boy looked up, his eyes had been blown wide and were rubbed red to the point that they might scar. His lips trembled as he said nothing stared at her with an empty look.

She felt frightened in that moment, not for her well being but his. She watched as his lips parted but nothing came out. He tried to speak but his voice was like a desert. Dry and bare.

His eyes searched for an answer, something to cling and grab onto so he could swim.

“Boomer, are you okay?” She asked knowing the answer already. Again, no words but blue eyes that begged for help.

His breathing picked up, hyperventilation coming into play and he brought his hands to his ears and slammed his foot down as if to drown out the silence. Blossom searched for any sign of what could have hurt him, she had to think. There was nothing, no monster or attack and he didn’t seem physically hurt, so what could-

Oh. Oh. OH.

She should have known what was happening the minute it she saw him. Her advanced psychology classes came into handy just now.

“Boomer.” She said softly and he opened his eyes. “I think you are having a panic attack.” His eyebrows furrowed and she bit her lip. “Okay maybe you are aware of that but I’m going to help you through this, okay?”

Boomer said nothing and she didn’t expect him too. She made a mental note that he was going non verbal during these and maybe that's why he couldn’t call for help.

Blossom dug through her bag for her notes and found it in record time. “Okay lets see, panic attacks.” She began to read. “The first thing that happens during an attack is the thought of death. Oh.” She frown. “There is a constant state of panic that last five to ten minutes but the after math of the fear could last hours. In order to stop a panic attack, the person experiencing it must wait it out or an extreme reaction can help quicken the process, other than that, there's nothing to do.” She scoffed. “Gee that was helpful.”

All she needed was a distraction, she could do that. She could tell a joke? No, she wasn’t good at those and only got a humorous reaction from her clumsiness. Instead of trying to figure it out, her phone was her next best guess.

“Don’t worry Boomer, I got you.” She smiled. She went to a few different sources and found one. “Ice in the mouth. It should trick your brain into thinking about it instead.” Blossom looked around. “Where can I get ice?”

She suddenly felt a finger poke at her cheek. She looked at Boomer who was point at his mouth then to her. Oh!

“My ice breath!” She cheered and held out her hand and carefully blowed until a small cube formed in her hand. “I’m not sure Boomer that might be a little gross-”

The cube was taken and before she could protest, it was in his mouth.

“Okay then, how's that working?” She questioned with a soft expression.

He looked from the left then to the right as he shifted the ice in his mouth. Slowly he opened his mouth, his voice breaking as he spoke.

“I-” He tried to say as tears formed in his eyes again.

Blossom put her hand on his and ushered him not to speak.

“Its okay, you don't have to say anything. You got through it, I’m sorry I was only here at the end but you did it, Boomer.” She said proudly.

He wiped his tears with his sleeve that was already soaked from earlier and leaned to grab her shoulder and pull her into a hug. She felt the tension from his shoulders fall instantly and his heart rate slower to a more desired rate as he hugged her tighter and held her for a moment. She didn’t dare budge but gave him a squeeze and ruffled his hair as he pulled away.

“Your face is awfully red, maybe you should go home.” She said as she helped him stand.

He nodded and grabbed his bag. “T-thank you.” He croaked. “No one has ever been with me before.” He said sadly.

She frowned. “Does Brick know?”

Boomer shifted on the balls of his feet. “No.”

“Do...do you have these often?” She was almost afraid to ask.

“Once a month maybe. Most of the time I’m at home, haven’t have a public one in a while.”

“Was there anything that could have caused it?”

He bit his lip and shrugged. “No. You read those books, they are random but Brick and Butch fighting constantly and the stress of school doesn’t help. But it's okay.” He offered her a smile. “That ice trick worked really well. Without you, I probably would have been there until school got out. I’m just really happy it was you and not anyone else.” He said honestly.

“I think you should tell your brothers. You can barely speak in that state and I would hate for something to happen when you couldn’t call out for anyone.”

He tightened his hold on his backpack and gulped. “I don’t want to. Its embarrassing. I’d rather keep it to myself, I can handle it.”

She knew there was no way he would budge. She exhaled and pulled his phone from his pocket.

“hey what are-”

“Im installing a safety button. My sisters and I have a button that we can push that automatic lets us know when we are in danger and can’t speak. It's mostly for missions and things like that but this is just as important.” She handed him his phone back. “So when ever this happens and you feel like you need some help or someone to just sit there with you, I’m one click away.”

He stared at the button and placed his thumb over it. A beeping noise came from Blossoms phone and she pulled it out to silence it. “See like that.”

A wave of emotions came over Boomer as he began to tear up for the hundredth time. “Blossom, I don’t think you know how much this means to me.”

Blossom brought him in for another hug. “You won’t be alone any longer, I promise.”

She felt him nod against her shoulder and wiped the tear steaming down his cheek with her thumb. “Lets go get you check out to the office and sent home, you should rest.”

“Yeah. I’m a little dizzy.”

She wrapped her arm around his and the began to walk towards the office just as the bell rang.

“Damn it, I miss third period.” Boomer sighed.

“Its fine. Buttercup will give you the homework and I’ll get anything else you need.”

“You really don’t have to Bloss.”

“As a hero and more importantly, a friend, I will.” Blossom said.

“Boomer.” They heard a voice behind and she knew instantly it was Brick.

They stopped walking just as Brick came in front of them. “The hell are you doing?” Brick asked as he looked at their conjoined arms.

Boomer was about to say something but Blossom squeezed his arm.

“Hes not feeling well and I’m sending him home.” Blossom stated.

“You were fine this morning.” Brick narrowed his eyes. “Buttercup said you ditched class.”

“He didn’t ditch. Some of us have emotions and right now Boomer is not feeling too well, he can explain on his own time but as his now older sister, I am making him go home and rest.”

“What she said.” Boomer said just as he yawned.

Brick rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Fine, go home.”

Boomer gave him a small smile.

“Go on ahead, I’ll meet you in the office.” Blossom said as Boomer walked ahead.

“Is he really sick?” Brick asked and she could sense that he was really worried.

“I wouldn’t say that but its also not my place. Just go easy on him, he's having a hard time right now and I think having his brother help him through it would be good for both of you.” She reassured him.

“Alright, whatever. I’ll make sure Boomer is fine.”

Blossom smiled and kissed him quickly on the cheek. “You're so sweet.” She gushed dramatically.

Bricks face flushed slightly as he took her hand and tried to hide his smirk. “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s not be late to chemistry.”

“Would love too but I have to go use my puff powers to get my new little brother home.”

“Little brother?” Brick shook his head. “What are you adopting him next?”

“I just might.” She smiled. “I’ll see ya in class.” She winked as she headed towards the office.

She found Boomer sitting in one of the chairs. “If you could stop canoodling with my brother, I would like to leave, I got a massive headache and my face is a disaster from crying.”

“We weren’t canoodling.” She said under her breath as she went up to the office lady.

Boomer sat and watched as she talked. He felt better by a landslide since she came to help him and hearing her refer to him as a little brother made him a little more happy then he cared to admit. Watching Blossom talk and win over the woman made him smile as he hugged his arms together.

“Yeah, big sis would be nice.” He said to himself but he didn't miss the way her lips turned up into a small smile.

----

I hope you enjoyed! I actually really liked this prompt and sometimes its good to read things that can help you in daily life.

#ppg #ppg fic #boomer ppg #blossom ppg #blossick ppg #thewritingstar

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love-it-or-its-free · 4 years

Text

@dyke-diva

[edited to update pastebin and make links clickable.]

First, just some more context about me: I am a 33 yr old lesbian, butch (in a nerd way) and quite androgynous/GNC.

Until a year or two ago, I was an ardent supporter of trans activism, as it went part and parcel with being a member of the LGBT "Community".

Literally, asking this same question to myself was a turning point for me. I knew I was supposed to hate and denounce anything TERF-related.... but one day I realized, I didn't know exactly what TERFs had supposedly done, that would warrant such seething hatred against them.

Like I said, I comprehend hating Nazis, because I have seen evidence of the unforgivable brutality of the Nazi regime and its supporters. I've taken history classes, read books and original sources, and watched documentaries about it.

Basically, I have seen enough evidence to understand the scope of Nazi evil, so it makes sense to me why some people go around saying "punch nazis." Personally, I'm not the type to punch anybody... and I question whether punching actually fixes the underlying evil... but based on what I know, I totally understand why nazis are so hated.

But why are terfs so viscerally hated that they are directly compared with a mass-genocidal regime? I want to know the truth. If the evidence is out there, I want to see it, to keep my views updated and accurate.

Now on to your response.

I do not believe that you should debate hate groups. I think that doing so will only help spread their hate and

I don't really believe in debating hate groups, either. But I also believe that having a closed mind is a victory for authoritarians of all stripes. I have no problem engaging with people who disagree with me, because I generally believe in having "strong opinions, weakly held" -- I am firm in my beliefs, but my mind is open to evaluating new evidence. If I deem the new evidence convincing enough, I may change my mind or update my views. I value intellectual rigor, so I want to keep my views accurate and up-to-date.

I am severely distressed about the number of terfs in wlw spaces and think that something should be done about it, it has gotten to the point where if it is not stated directly that they do not support transmisogyny that I will often feel paranoid about being in the space.

Honestly, I would love if you could PM me about these "wlw spaces" that are supposedly crawling with terfs. I feel like I'm reading this from a bizarro mirror dimension, thinking... WHAT wlw spaces? Is there really anything like this, outside of a handful of unpopular tumblr tags and a couple of small subreddits?

The only spaces I know of, especially IRL, are bending over backwards to be so "q***r friendly" that actual lesbians are being pushed out. One local activist in my city, started a public speech by claiming, "terfs are lesbians who..." and went on to drag lesbians for not being inclusive enough. Why only lesbians, I wondered??

Singling out and pressuring lesbians that way is not okay, in my opinion. Lesbians deserve to have spaces for lesbian (natal) women only. Lesbians are allowed to be repulsed by penises. None of that is hateful! Lesbians should not be pressured to sleep with anyone they aren't interested in. Unfortunately, I see that happening a lot these days. The "wlw spaces" I know of, offline and online, increasingly pressure lesbians in this way. Not cool.

Now, I can handle those pressures... but I'm really worried about younger lesbians. Being a lesbian is hard enough as it is! We have a right to exist, and to express our sexuality without added pressures.

and finally reason three, trans people who are afab have been seen to dismiss terfs actions and beliefs purely because terfs do not actively threaten their existence like they do amab trans people.

I'm not sure if I follow this part... it seems like you're saying that some FTMs ("trans people who are afab") do not feel threatened by so-called terfs, because the perception is that terfs are more threatening to "amab trans people"? Sorry if I misunderstood, but I would be interested to learn more about this phenomenon either way.

The person who sent this ask had lots of “Terf Safe” tagged posts on their blog and in their likes (though it seems their likes are now private), so I had blocked them, on the post that I made on my @la-joueuse-ultime blog that I quoted above they had asked why Terfs and Nazi’s are being compared, saying “I know about the reasons Nazis are bad, we can study history to see that evidence. But where is the evidence that terfs are comparably bad?” I had responded “@love-it-or-its-free it’s not that their comparably as bad, it’s that they’re bad. They are a hate group that has killed trans people and because of that they shouldn’t get a voice to spread their hate.” I then told them I planned to block them, I had done so and then they sent this ask.

Well, just to be clear, you were the first to interact with my post. It appears that you went looking in terf-friendly tags, found my post, and decided to interact with it. I'm happy to clarify the details of this, but I think your wording makes it sound like I sought you out, when it was actually the other way around. I posted mild terf-friendly content, you directly compared terfs to nazis. I think that's extreme.

I guess it's a good thing I hid my likes, too, because it sounds like you were ready to trawl for "punishable" content. I mean... who among us has not accidentally tapped the heart while on mobile or something? I hope you aren't really intending to police liked content like that.

Now to the actual ask, I believe the reason you can’t find Terfs that have killed trans people is that, well, you’re literally not looking,

I am quick to google anything that pops into my head, so rest assured, I would not pose this question to a tumblr rando unless I had actually attempted to answer it for myself. I'm asking to try and gather more info/evidence on top of what I have seen already.

or you think that they needed to have direct (by direct I mean they physically took part in) killing the trans person. You don’t need to be holding a knife to take part in someone’s death, you can encourage violence against the minority, you can bully and harass them until they take their own life, or you can fight against medical procedures that some of these people need to live. Terfs have done all of these.

Right... but I specifically asked how you can directly compare terfs to nazis. I agree that bullying, etc. is wrong. But I am asking for the evidence you used to make the direct comparison. You are shifting the goal posts here. I'm okay with that shift if you are... because I'm happy to provide evidence of trans activists doing things like sending death threats to terfs (or any woman who is deemed to have "terfy" views) which seems directly comparable to what you are claiming here.

It took a second search to find Terfs encouraging violence against trans women.

I found similarly scant search results... but like I said, I'm willing to evaluate new evidence when I see it.

This post on Reddit (I recommend being careful, tw for violence) is of a screenshot of a Terf stating that “It is a shame that people cannot do this in America” the post contained a picture of a man seemingly attacking a trans-woman for using the bathroom where she was most comfortable to do so. The posts were made on Spinster, a “woman-centric” social media platform that was made by M.K. Fain, a known terf.

So... I'm honestly surprised you would link to that particular subreddit as evidence of anything. But I'll charitably ignore the source for now. What I see, as far as content, is a screenshot of an anon comment on a website. You claim that the comment must be from a terf. Why? 1) screenshots can be photoshopped. 2) Anyone can sign up for an account on sites like that.

Sorry, but this isn't convincing evidence to me. Even if it's real, it's not a death threat, it's not an incitement to violence. It could be "real" in the sense that some troll signed up to the Spinster site just to troll "as a terf". It's just a shitty anon comment. Of course I object to the sentiment behind it (see anti-violence disclaimer to follow)... but I don't believe it stands up as evidence to support your claims.

(aside: I don't want to make this post any longer than it is, but I noticed some not-very-nice comments from that link and collected them in a pastebin here )

Finally, I researched the actual murder case in question. All eight people arrested in connection with the homicide are men... not terfs.

(I'll include this disclaimer here, though I'm bummed out that I feel the need to be pre-emptive/defensive about it:

I am anti-violence. I condemn violence of all kinds. (See above: I'm a softy, not the punching type) I especially condemn murder and homicide, and I do not endorse eye-for-an-eye justice. I want less pain and hatred in the world, for everybody, even folks who disagree with me.

I believe "the Golden Rule" is called Golden for a reason... it's Key! end disclaimer.)

Not only that but I found many articles directly denying violence against trans people, that I won’t link because they were made by terfs for terfs and I do not want to give them a platform. By denying the violence trans people face you are encouraging it, telling the people who enact the violence that they won’t be punished for it.

Yes, "denying violence" sounds like a bad or at least ignorant thing to do. But how is it remotely equivalent to committing violent acts? Unfortunately, if I can't see the evidence, I can neither refute nor accept it.

Trans people have a shockingly high suicide rate, there is no denying it. This article talks about a Terf that targeted a suicidal trans woman to harass, as well as provides a link to an article about Cathy Brennan, one of many who try to directly prevent trans people from seeking medical help.

I read this, but I couldn't figure out the series of events it's describing. I looked around on my own, and found that it seems to be a response to an ongoing feud between Dana Taylor (author of the piece) and at least one other person. For instance, I found multiple blog posts from the "other side" which described Dana Taylor's participation in harrassment and doxxing campagins. Here's one person on twitter, describing their experience with being targeted:

I just googled myself and found this from 5 years ago which said I was going to be watched. I don't think they watched me.

source thread

That's just one example I found. There were many similar tweets and comments about doxxing involving the author of the link you gave. So I'm open to reading more about these incidents, if you have more links. If something bad happened, I would like to understand better. But right now, this at best looks like just one side of a multi-sided internet slapfight.

If you just listened to trans people you would hear story after story of them being attacked by terfs if you just paid more attention you would see them encouraging violence against trans people, and if you just cared a tiny bit more, you’d realize that trans people are human too.

I am listening, or at least I'm trying to listen by asking good-faith questions while trying not to be attacked for it. Are you doing the same, keeping an ear out for stories of terfs being attacked, and listening to their stories?

How would it make you feel if I said, "if you just cared a tiny bit more, you'd realize that terfs are human too." ?

Anyway, that’s the post thank you for being patient.

Same here. I want you to know that I truly appreciate your thorough reply and the time you spent on it.

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sighfertryptich · 5 years

Text

Im going to rant(ish), skip if you want.

So I was watching a video (its the “Generations React to Dan Howell and Eugene Lee Yang Coming Out On Youtube” video by FBE) and everyone started sharing their coming out stories, and everyone was sharing that they were either scared or felt a freak by it. I felt that I wanted to, considering this is the only platform I have on here that I can express myself to the fullest without judgement, share my own, even though I am not in an accepting household.

So, let me start out with this. Growing up, I thought I was straight. There were no signs of me feeling any different than other kids. I was one of the more innocent children, I didnt care about gender identity or sexuality. I just cared about who I was going to play with at recess. By the time I hit fifth grade, I was naïve to the fact that not everyone was attracted to everyone around them. I didn’t understand that some boys only liked girls, and some girls only liked boys. In my community, it was rare that the gays and lesbians understood what it was, so they werent around to put that knowledge in our vocabulary. To me, if you had a crush, it could be on either a female or a male, whether or not you were the same gender or the opposite.

Reaching middle school, about a year later, our views were widened. People around me were realizing or expressing their sexualities. I, on the other hand, still didn’t understand that there were labels to these things. (Keep in mind, there still weren’t lesbians or gays out in the open yet. Everyone was either bisexual or straight.)

When this new vocabulary came to light, I could finally attempt to put a name to myself, liking both men and women.

I accepted the term bisexual for myself at the ripe age of 11.

I didn’t plan on telling my parents. I never wanted to. They didnt have to know who I was imagining kissing, they didnt have to know who I had crushes on. To this day, I never planned on telling them until the day came that I would have to. As in, if the time came, I would tell them when I got engaged to a woman.

Throughout middle school, I was labeled bisexual. It just felt normal to like who I wanted to like, and the people I surrounded myself with accepted me. I guess I got lucky with that. Reaching into high school, I got my first serious woman x woman crush. Every single day, she’d come into class and I would just gush over her. She was gorgeous. And being honest, a ripe 13 year old me was in her scene phase, and this girl oozed alternative. She had a grunge look, part of her hair was dyed sea-foam green, and she was sweet and funny and kind. As far as I knew, she liked me back.

I remember my first Sadie Hawkins dance. I got with my school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) Club and put together this whole thing where me and a couple friends made shirts that said “Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me?” She said yes! but then later the dance was canceled and we just made other plans. As time went on, she led me on to thinking she liked me. I found out she didn’t and that she was wasting her time on me when she got with one of my guy friends.

This is when my chronic depression stepped its pussy up. Thank you Dan Howell for giving me that quote.

When I was 15, I moved to my small town a state over where I reside to this day. I was still labeling myself as bisexual. I met my first lesbian that year. (And yes, this was my first time meeting a lesbian. Im serious.) She became my best friend for the next 3 and a half years. She opened me to the world of different labels and helped me through finding out what I realized I truly was.

I was, and am, Pansexual. And a proud one at that. #PansexualPride.

I got my first serious girlfriend when I was 18. Or at least, I thought it was serious. I was head over heels for her. She claimed she was bisexual. [I say claimed because she admitted after we broke up that she was straight.]

Long story short, she used me to go to RenFest, then broke up with me a week later blaming her depression, then got with some dude a day later.

A couple of months later, I met a girl through an app called Amino. She was pansexual, like me, and we had a lot of the same interests. Only problem was that while I lived in Louisiana, she lived on an island off the coast of Florida.

Although our relationship didn’t last long, I added her because this was the first time in my entire life that I actually could see myself marrying a woman.

Let me explain.

Up until this point, I had only ever seen myself marrying a man. Yes, I had an attraction to women. Ive dated women, although not many, but never could see myself marrying any of them. Nothing wrong with that.

During this time, I cut my hair very short. Like, pixie-cut with an undercut. My intentions to cut it were that it’d be easier to put up into wigs when I cosplayed, and it’d be less to take care of and look good. We’ll come back to this later.

Directly after our 3 month anniversary, yes I do month anniversaries, I met my current girlfriend, Cole.

I swear, it was one of those moments where you see someone and you know they’re going to be in your life for years to come. [Fun fact - she told me that after she had met me for the first time, she joked with her friend that her and I “would have an August wedding” even though we barely had passed a few sentences between each other.] There’s just that feeling when you look someone in the eyes and know that there’s something special about them. Something you want - no, need - in your life, whether it’s to make a life-long decision or just to help you grow as a person.

I started dressing more comfortably. I no longer wore skirts or dresses. I wore jeans and t-shirts and hats and less makeup. I wore chains attached to my belt loops. All in all, I started looking more masculine, even though it was just me dressing comfortably. My job allowed it, I was earning the money to allow me to buy clothes like this. It made me happy. I started feeling more comfortable with more masculine terms rather than strictly feminine terms, ie. “mans, they, them, boy” etc. I wasn’t uncomfortable when someone said I looked like a boy, nor was I uncomfortable with my female body. I just didnt care. It wasnt insulting as I was raised to think it was. In fact, I encouraged it. I allowed - and still allow - people to think I was whatever gender they assigned me with. In all, I became Genderfluid. Gender Neutral, if you will.

Now, we’re going to back up just a tiny bit. Tee tiny, nothing big.

About a month before I met Cole, someone outted me to my mother. Keep in mind, I was never planning on coming out to her. My older sister is like me, Pansexual. She strives on the fact that she doesnt tell people she’s in a woman x woman relationship unless people directly ask. She doesnt label her sexuality. And I look up to her severely for that.

My mother is homophobic. She says she isn’t, and maybe she’s not, due to the fact she accepts my sister and her girlfriend, and hopes they get married someday. But for me, I was supposed to be the ray of hope. I was supposed to be blonde, straight, thin, cheerleading captain female who went to college and became highly successful. I wasn’t supposed to be the 5-foot-8, blue haired, overweight, artsy gender fluid kid she had who dropped out of high school, got their GED, and “doesnt show signs of responsibility” (- per my mother, who doesnt want to put me through college) kid she ultimately got.

Dressing how I felt was comfortable and loving who I wanted to love brought me hate from the one person who should love me unconditionally - my own mother. Most people were given hate by their peers, being called gay and butch. My hate was given from the person who gave me life. My mother has said that she regrets getting pregnant with me, and that she would’ve stopped after her first two kids. In fact, she had her tubes tied BEFORE she got pregnant with me. I was being born, with or without her consent. She has told me countless times that she feels like she failed as a parent due to the way I came out as an adult.

To this day, she tells me that I constantly look “too lesbian” or “too butch” and that I need to “go back to how I used to look”. She doesnt accept that I like women. She calls me a lesbian - and everyone knows that when you like both men and women, you’re very obviously not a lesbian. Ive told her countless times that I’m not a lesbian. But she never listens. She uses the term lesbian as anyone in middle school would use the word gay - as an insult.

It makes me confused. How could you raise your kid - which by the way, Im the first kid she raised on her own, her other two were raised with either my grandmother or the baby’s father - and tell them you’re disgusted by their happiness? How could you be okay with one pansexual daughter and hate the other?

(This next part might be TMI but it makes another avid point.)

How can you be okay with your daughter sending explicit pictures to a boy, but be disgusted by your daughter holding hands with a girl?

I still have to hide my relationship with Cole. It makes me sick to my stomach to not be able to say “Mom, this is my girlfriend.” with the girl I care ever so deeply for. I want to take her to family events and show her to the world, screaming at the top of my lungs that Cole is mine and mine alone.

Cole tells me that I’m an idiot when I get gushy. In fact, she’ll probably text me saying I made her cry (dont worry, its tears of love) if she gets to the end of this.

Cole is gorgeous. Even when I spend the night, and she’s got sleep in her eyes the next morning, teeth not yet brushed, hair a mess, making gross yawning faces, I still think she’s quite possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She’s always got me nonstop laughing, doubling over and straight up snorting sometimes. She’s caring and headstrong, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in.

I want to be able to show her off.

But I cant with a mother like mine.

So, long story short, I grew up in an accepting community. Fell hard for some men and some women. Grew up and realized who I was as a person. Found someone who accepts me through each and every questioning moment I have with myself. Yet, I cant show her off like the people around me all because of the one person who gave me life.

I guess you could say this is the end, but everyone knows its a To Be Continued. You just gotta roll with what life gives you, whether or not the people in your life are there to love you or hurt you.

If you got this far, I applaud and also thank you. I’m not able to rant to anyone like this, so if you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. No one wants to hear my story. If you do…

My name is Marley, and I am a Pansexual, Gender Neutral, KPop loving cosplayer who is not afraid to love who they want to love.

Thank you ♡

(Btw, sorry if I got off track towards the end. My mind wanders when telling stories. I wrote this on my phone so I’ll go back and add a “Keep Reading” thing if you’d rather just skip it.)

#lgbt #lgbtq+#coming out story #coming out #love #long reads #my story #emotional #storytime

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