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#like she’s looking at something else and not always what’s in visible reality
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So what’s the deal with the Ashen-Streaked Doctor and the Scarlet-Fanged Dreamer?
Well, first comes the difficult question of what he is. The easiest answer is ‘werewolf’; he is still chained to the moon and its phases, and stress transforms him, too. His body twists and cracks until it becomes lupine, and all his rational thoughts vanish behind a new, animalistic front. He remains like this for a night on average, and then the painful process of returning to a human shape begins. Most of the time, he remembers nothing from his time transformed.
But why?
The Doctor, in a way, becomes trapped within his own mind. He is caged within dreams and nightmares alike, interacting with them as though they were Parabola itself— maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Regardless, his mind does its best to fill in the blanks on how he got into a dream scenario; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Lately, he’s been more aware that he’s dreaming, which means he’s transformed…
What about the Scarlet-Fanged Dreamer?
Even though his rational thought is locked away in a dream, a body needs something to pilot it. What lays behind is his animal instinct: the beast that comes out to protect itself and provide for its master, the body. Doc has taken to calling her ‘Scarlet’, in an attempt to both separate the horror from himself and to lessen his fear by giving her an identity.
Are they separate beings, though?
That is… a complicated matter. Doc would say yes and no. He has had dreams of interacting with Scarlet, trying to tame the beast or fight her off. He has felt her impulse on occasion, tempting him to shed his human form in times of great stress or danger. But… those are just his thoughts, aren’t they? His dreams are symbolism, those temptations the result of adrenaline and strong self-preservation. Maybe. Maybe not.
Perhaps, either by outside intervention or a will to distance himself from the monstrosity he has become, he has willed something new into existence.
Or maybe She is Him, even if He refuses to truly see himself as Her.
After all, she dreams. Just as he does.
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nathaslosthershit · 27 days
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Tensions Rise (OP81)
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(Part 6 of Teen Dad [Can be read on its own]) Summary: Tensions rise in the Piastri household until it gets to be too much.
Warnings: Angst! Mention of parental abandonment (Kind of), mention of childhood trauma (also kind of)
Only two weeks after their first debut at the Australian Grand Prix, the Piastri twins and their mother got to join the paddock once again for Suzuka, though it was different this time. The day had already started off badly when the kids threw the tantrum of all tantrums in their hotel room. Oscar had promised to take them to breakfast this morning but was unable to do so due to a last minute meeting. In the toddlers’ eyes, this was obviously unacceptable and with Oscar not there to face their tiny wrath, all of the high emotions got taken out on their poor mother who hadn't done anything wrong. She had even asked Oscar not to make any promises in case something like this happened.
This wasn’t the first time Oscar had broken a promise to them though. He had always put his family above his career and had established clear boundaries with all of his past teams. But since his success in F1, he has started to abandon those boundaries and made promises to his family that were just going to get thrown away when something came up with work. It sucked that the limited amount of time he was home he felt like he was trying to make up for missed plans, the guilt put him in a bad mood which in turn put the rest of the family in one as well. 
Honey, his fiancée, had continuously taken the brunt of the blame for Oscar being gone. Her kids didn’t understand why Daddy would tell them he would take them to breakfast but they would actually eat with Mommy instead. They didn’t understand why Mommy was always around but their Dad wasn't. The constant fighting from the twins at their mother had soon turned into Honey fighting with Oscar, continuously telling him to stop making her the bad guy, even if it was by accident.
Now, there was no denying that Oscar loved his family. He loved his kids and his wonderful fiancée above all else. He had surmised that the constant lack of accountability he had was draining on his family, and he felt terrible about it, but he truly didn’t understand how bad it had gotten.
The race went well, but due to a technical issue Oscar faced during qualifying, the debrief was going much longer than expected and with how important it was, his phone had been turned on do not disturb. He had promised to meet his family in a certain spot on the paddock but due to the long meeting, it had slipped his mind. 
The kids were tired, their Mother was tired, and Oscar was nowhere to be seen. After 15 minutes of waiting, their Mom telling them over and over that their Dad would be there soon, they started to get upset. Honey wasn’t mad at them, she was upset he wasn’t there too, but with how long the day had been, and how aggravating it was to keep hearing Oscar’s voicemail cause he wasn’t picking up the phone, she had no energy anymore. She was fine with letting them get out their tears, she knew they were only tired, but when she started to notice people stopping to watch and take pictures, she started to panic. She could only imagine what it looked like. A young, visibly angry mother on her phone with two screaming toddlers next to her who she wasn’t comforting. Too anxious over all the eyes on her, as this was only her second public appearance, she began to shut down.
Through a stroke of luck, or maybe all of her good karma paying off, the Piastro twins’ favorite honorary uncle appeared out of what seemed to be thin air, in reality it was a golf cart he had ‘borrowed’ from Williams to pick up the Piastri family. 
Logan wasn’t oblivious to the tensions that had been rising in the household. He had known the family for years and he knew about Oscar’s recurring problems with accountability. When he was walking to the McLaren garage after debriefings and saw Oscar was in a meeting with no other family members present, he put two and two together. 
“Let's get you all out here, alright?” He said as he parked next to them. After a few too many thank yous from Honey, the ride back was silent as she held her teary eyed kids. To her surprise, they went right past the Mclaren garage, straight to Williams’.
After setting the kids down for a quick nap in hospitality, she made her way to her new favorite person in the world.
“Logan, you are genuinely a life saver, I cannot thank you enough.” She said as she teared up.
“Hey, it's never a problem for my favorite family. I’m sorry he didn’t come meet you, I’m sure he was just b-”
“Busy, I know Logan, but how many times is he going to be too busy and I am going to have to pay for his mistakes or clean up his mess. My kids practically hate me now because I am always who they are stuck with when they want to be with their Dad.”
“They do not hate you. How could you ever think such a thing? Those kids love you more than anything, Honey. I know they are mad at you a lot but it is just displaced anger and sadness. I don’t know the full extent of everything, I cannot pretend to understand how difficult it has been, but you can always count on me, alright?”
“Thanks, Logan. I really can’t tell you how much it means to me that you are always here to help.”
“I told you, it's never a problem. Do you guys want me to call a car to the hotel? I am sure those kids could use a proper bed to sleep in after the long day.”
The ride to the hotel was quiet, except for the sniffles from the two toddlers. When they had been woken up again by their Mother without their Father in sight, they had started to tear up a little but luckily hadn’t gone back into a full breakdown. It still broke her heart to see them like this though.
Oscar had been whisked to meeting after meeting. He had completely forgotten about his prior commitments to meeting his family and with his phone forgotten on do not disturb, he was none the wiser on the situation waiting for him at the hotel. 
Honey had fortunately gotten the kids to go down for the night easily. Usually, it would take three stories and a few attempts to sneak out of bed before the Piastri twins went to sleep, but with all that happened that day, they had no fight in them which was a blessing because their Mother didn’t either. Once she was finally alone though, all the emotions she had been trying to push down came to the surface. Having to sob into her pillow to stop from waking her kids in the room connected to hers, she didn’t think she had cried that hard since she had found out she was pregnant at the age of 17. Back then, the uncertainty of whether Oscar would leave her or not was the driving factor, now it was whether he already had. Since he started to pull away, she had pushed the thought of him falling out of love with her to the depths of her mind. The thought was so unbelievably upsetting her mind immediately rejected it, but it still lingered. She didn’t think he had found someone else or that he was cheating, she knew Oscar well enough to know that was an impossibility, had there been someone else, he would have left already. But what really scared her was that he was choosing his career over them, after years of saying he could never do such a thing. She not only felt angry for herself but more importantly her kids. She grew up with a Mother that had picked her job over her family time and time again and she vowed to never do such a thing, which is why she decided to become a stay at home Mom rather than juggle a career on top of it all. She didn’t want them to go through the same thing with their Father. 
She had finally managed to calm down but as soon as she checked social media she started to break down again. Pictures of her, visibly upset and on her phone next to her crying toddlers had made their way to the internet. People were ruthless, saying the most awful things about her. Any support she had gotten seemed to be mostly from mothers. She agreed slightly that the photo did look awful and it was easy to fill in the blanks to make her seem like the villain, but it still hurt so much. 
At 9 pm Oscar finally got back to the hotel room. He had called Honey a few times but still being oblivious to the messages she had sent earlier, he was concerned and worried when she kept declining the call.
She sat on the bed watching the television, under the covers, all ready to go to sleep when he walked in. She didn’t acknowledge his presence, or even look at him when he said hi to her, apologizing for how late he was.
“Honey, what's wrong darling?” he asked as he took in her puffy red face and disheveled appearance. 
No answer. 
“Sweetheart?” It was a habit that annoyed Honey to no end, she loved when Oscar would use all kinds of pet names on her, hence her nickname of Honey, but he always used them excessively when they were fighting or he was in trouble which made her start to hate them. She didn’t want to hear them when she was mad at him. She knew he didn’t do it to be condescending but it had felt like it at times. 
“Did you see any of my messages?” While her voice was calm, he could hear the tone of anger she wasn’t trying to hide. 
He didn’t reply as he took out his phone and turned it off do not disturb. Immediately, tons of messages and missed calls came through, not just from Honey but from Logan, and Lando, and his family and friends who had begun to see the posts on social media. A chill ran through him as he realized what had happened, what he had unknowingly done. 
“Christ, Honey I am so sorry. I had a meeting so I turned my phone off for it and I completely forgot. I didn’t mean-”
“That's the problem Oscar! God, I am so sick of having to deal with all your broken promises. These past few months have been hell as I have had to deal with more and more. Do you understand how frustrating it is to hear you tell our sweet children that you will take them out for a special dinner, only to have to cook them mac and cheese quickly because at the last minute you texted to say you were stuck in a meeting.”
“And I felt terrible for that but I made it up-”
“You shouldn’t have to keep making it up to them though. If you kept your promises or didn’t make them in the first place, they wouldn’t start fighting with me and blaming me for your shortcomings!”
“I agree they shouldn’t do that. I will speak to them about it but it has been hard and I have had to put in more time for my career.”
“They won’t understand. They now associate me with the absence of you. Instead of Dad reading them a new story he said he would pick up on the way home, they are stuck with Mom reading the same story they have already heard before. They were supposed to visit Dad at the factory but now they are stuck at the park with Mom. Oscar, they hate me now! They can’t stand to be around me because I am always there. All I do is clean up your mess and all I get in return is kids fighting me because I am not you. I am so tired of it all!”
Silence filled the room once more. Honey had finally gotten all she had been meaning to say out and Oscar didn’t have a rebuttal. 
“I am sorry, Honey. I am so, so, so sorry. I love them more than anything, I love you more than anything. It has just been hectic and hard to balance both my career and my family life.”
“I am not asking you to balance it, I am asking you to start putting us first. You have made it clear where your priorities lie and I will not stand around and let my kids go through the same thing I did with my own Mom, having to watch as she picked her job over us. Until you can set boundaries again and stop making promises you can’t keep, I can’t do this with you.”
“What do you mean you ‘can’t do this with me’?” Oscar asked, praying it wasn’t what he thought it was.
Honey didn’t answer, just took off her engagement ring and put it on his side of the bed, then walked to her kids’ room and closed the door.
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HoneyBunny81
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liked by logansargeant and others
HoneyBunny81 just me and my babies
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alcoholfreenayeon · 2 months
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You and Karina go on a cute picnic date but instead of having the food you guys brought you decide to eat something else…her
A/N: Well….the timing is a bit awkward but we move. Dont lose hope Karina nation, y’all will rise again. Sorry if it’s a bit short. The g!p Mina fic will be next, tomorrow hopefully.
Thirsty
Karina x reader
CW: Smut, some fluff
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Karina was still taking pictures while you had already sat down and were watching her with a smile, thinking how pretty she is. A few moments later, she comes back to sit by your side, looking at the photos when she notices you staring at her, she smiles at you and goes back to posting the pictures. She then puts her phone down and goes through the basket to see what she wants to eat when she sees that you are still looking at her.
“What…”, she says looking down and blushing a little.
“You are really really pretty”, you say, smirking, enjoying her sudden shyness.
“Let’s just eat…weren’t you the one complaining you were hungry”, she says pretending not to hear you but the red cheeks were quite visible.
“You are right”, you admit with a smile, “but I want some-”
“Shush!”, she cuts you off, reading your intentions almost immediately, rolling her eyes.
You sigh and decide to stop your pursuit for now when Karina catches you by surprise.
“I suppose….”, she didn’t even finish her sentence when you were already spreading her legs. She sighs and rolls her eyes again but a slight blush was visible and she couldn’t help but bite her lips gently as she watched you be so eager for her.
Karina leaned against a tree while you put yourself in between her legs. You couldn’t stop smiling and who wouldn’t, when someone like Karina is in front of you, waiting to be eaten out. You start by kissing and caressing her thighs, taking your time, kissing, rubbing and even gently sucking her inner thighs.
Meanwhile Karina could only sigh in contentment, her breathing slowly getting heavier as she gets more and more aroused.
You continue to tease her when suddenly you both hear some laughter in the distance….
“Someone’s coming!”, Karina panicked, trying to move your head away.
You reluctantly pull away, looking around for the source while Karina quickly readjusted her sundress. A few seconds later you both could see a small group of people walking by, you smile and greet them and smile back, chatting to themselves as they walk past. Karina could only look down, staring at the basket, her face flushed.
You both wait a few minutes to make sure the coast is clear and take a sigh of relief. Karina looks at you and squeals when you suddenly kiss her.
But she starts to kiss you back and you both make out for a couple minutes and then you pull away and begin to kiss her neck. She softly moans, closing her eyes and letting you do what want but when you begin to go lower, she jolts back to reality, grabbing your shoulders.
“What are you doing???”, she asks, “we were already almost caught! We can’t kee-”
You cut her off by kissing her again and she gives in again letting you kiss her. When you both end the kiss, you can’t help but smirk while she sighs, huffing and looking away but she’s flushed, “you always get your way….do what you want”
You suppress a smile and turn her cheek so she faces you, “I’ll stop then since you aren’t in the mood”.
She looks at you, gritting her teeth and just for a moment, you see her bite her lip but she tries to hide it, “No, might as well continue now”.
You smirk and get down to business, going back to teasing her but moving closer and closer to where she wants you which becomes more and more evident from her small gasps and sighs. However, you don’t let off her easy and stop there, so close yet so far and just take your sweet time sucking and gently biting her inner thighs until you finally heard her plead for you to continue.
And then you finally get to it, moving her panties to the side, you give her a few long licks bottom to top making her breathe hard and shiver before diving right in, licking all her sweet spots causing her to start whining. You eat her out like she likes it and soon enough you feel her legs tighten around you and her hands on your head as Karina now begins to pant hard, trying not to be loud when suddenly once again you both hear voices in distance.
Karina panics again, “stop, stop some-”.
You cut her off by placing your hand on her mouth and continue to lick her even more intensely and she bites down on your hand and begins to practically choke you on her thighs and you could tell she was getting real close. She covers her face with one hand while gripping your hair tightly with other. A few moments later you feel her whole body jolt and shake as she cums but you don’t stop and instead begin to suck her clit while starting to finger her and Karina screams, throwing herself back as she jerks around from the mind numbing pleasure and suddenly falls silent, unable to make a sound, unable to comprehend the pleasure and she cums again, even harder this time and falls limp.
You keep going for a few moments more before stopping and admiring her as she pants and slowly comes back to her senses. Karina can just look at you from below with lust in her eyes. You move up to her and give her a peck, smiling mischievously. She sits back up after a minute, quickly making herself presentable, still panting, “you can stop smiling now”, she says rolling her eyes but she had a small smile.
You keep grinning and begin to dig into the basket when she leaps on you, looking at you with intent as she pushes you down, “don’t think you’re the only one who can get their way”, she says smirking as her hands begin to reach down.
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WIBTA if I told my girlfriend to lose weight?
Okay, so that sounds horrific, but bear with me.
To be clear, I (23M) could not care less what weight she (27F) is or what she looks like. I love this woman with my whole heart and none of it is about her appearance. We’re pretty much engaged in all but name, the only reason it’s not official is because we don’t have money to even think of weddings right now, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with her.
Thing is, she’s obese. Like, medically, not in a derogatory sense. This is massively affecting her health. She’s constantly out of breath, constantly in pain, constantly struggling, and it’s leading to other conditions such as sleep apnea. She thinks she has asthma because she’s always struggling to breathe, but I’m 95% sure it just comes down to weight and her doctor has said the same, but she tends to write it off as doctors being fatphobic.
Much of this is due to the fact that she used to struggle with binge-eating disorder. She no longer binge eats, but she does overeat in general because her body is so accustomed to constant food, so she gets painfully hungry and dizzy after 2-3 hours of not eating.
I’ve tried to encourage her to exercise with me, diet with me, count calories etc., but she gives up super easy when she doesn’t see immediately results. She also says herself that she finds it very difficult to see herself accurately - she has the reverse of “typical” body dysmorphia, where she sees herself as thinner than she is, so she genuinely sees herself as thin or like slightly curvy. (To be clear, she is very visibly obese, people comment on this often, and while I’ll be the first to go fists up if someone’s a dick to her about it as people have been I also am genuinely worried about her health.) Because of that she has no motivation to lose the weight because she just doesn’t see it. It’s bad enough that she’s been told by doctors she WILL likely struggle later in life with heart failure, diabetes etc if she doesn’t lose weight, yet her POV is more, “It can’t be that bad because I’m not that big so I don’t need to worry about it”. She has occasional reality checks, most recently she put her measurements into some site that shows an image of what you look like from a third person perspective, and she was completely shocked like “I can’t look like that. Do I? This is a wake up call”, but days later it’s completely lost and she’s back to saying she’s not that big again.
She wants kids with me, and I just absolutely do not want to commit to having children with her when I know there’s a not-insignificant chance she’ll have serious health issues in the future that could mean she’s not with us for as long as she could be. Both for the kids’ sake, and selfishly because I want her around! I don’t want to think about something happening to her earlier in life and being without her.
But I just don’t know what to do. Gently suggesting it hasn’t worked, saying I’m worried about her health hasn’t worked, saying I don’t want kids until she’s healthy hasn’t worked (even if she’s still overweight I really don’t care as long as she’s not in a “danger zone” y’know?), trying to meal plan with her hasn’t worked, trying to get her to keep track of calories hasn’t worked, trying to exercise with her hasn’t worked.
People I’ve asked in the past have told me to be firm about it, but I’m incredibly reluctant to do that - I struggled with anorexia for most of my teenage and adult life and I know how deep it can cut to have your weight criticised or commented on. I don’t want to be that dick who basically calls someone I love very much unhealthy and fat and tells her to lose weight or no kids or some horrible shit like that.
But I just. Can’t work out what to do. She does express a willingness to lose weight, she says she wants to, she just doesn’t have that motivation to do it. I don’t know what else we can try.
AITA for focusing on this in the first place? Like am I actually just being fatphobic, or is my own past with EDs influencing my thinking? Am I going about it all wrong? Should I just accept it as something that’ll be a potential issue in future and deal with it then or am I fair to worry about it early on?
What are these acronyms?
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madamevirgo · 1 month
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Here I am, Here I remain.
Pairing: Lady Jessica x (f)reader
Words: 3.9k
Warnings: Spoilers!!, angst, fluff, Chani
A/N: So, I was absolutely not planning on writing a sequel to this, but some of you started asking, and my brain started working, and this came out at 3:30am. There will not be a third part to this, but this is of course not my last Lady Jessica work. Also, note that there are spoilers in this. I have seen Dune: Part 2, 5 times already so it's literally engraved in my brain and on my eyelids. I hope those who wanted a sequel to this little story of mine aren't disappointed. Big shoutout to the person who submitted the original request. If you haven't already, follow me on Twitter so we can be moots and talk about our faves :) Happy reading.
Part 1
After that night, there had been a noticeable shift in your relationship with The Reverend Mother. 
In public, you no longer walked five paces behind. It was more common to see you by her side or no more than a step behind, watching her back like a hawk. So much so so, that people had taken to calling you ‘The Shadow’ - the thought that people saw you as an extension of her, filled you with an indescribable amount of joy.
There was now a certain lightness to the Reverend Mother as if you were the missing piece to her complete acceptance of her new reality. She was quicker to laugh and seemed much more focused and involved in the fate of the Fremen. She had stopped talking to her belly so much as she turned to you, her confidante - sometimes you were more of a sounding board than anything, but you were more than happy to have her throw ideas at you if it helped her in any way. 
In private, things had also changed for the better. It was rare for there to be silence between you two, times in private were spent telling the other of life before each other; and in her case, how she was adapting to her new role and life. She told you of her parentage, she now knew the identity of at least one of her parents, and you had shared how Stilgar had raised you like his own daughter. You had developed a complicity that surpassed friendship, but you also weren’t sure how to describe this thing between you. ‘Friendship’ felt both like a gross oversimplification yet anything else carried an aura of delusion. The lingering looks, the gentle touches exchanged and the comfort that she provided, brought forth feelings that you hadn’t previously experienced. Every moment spent in her company seemed too short. 
It was because you had become so close emotionally, that it had been easy for you to notice oddities in her behaviour. She was more on edge, jumping at loud noises and snapping at the smallest thing. She also watched you as if you would disappear at any moment, which caused her to be clingy and on edge whenever you weren’t next to her. Pretty soon, you had concluded, that she had foreseen something. 
You had tried to broach the subject: “I see that something is troubling you, my lady.” you had whispered one day while you ate in the communal space. “Won’t you share the burden with me, so that you might breathe a little easier, at least?” she had frozen for a second, a change barely visible to untrained eyes, before relaxing.
“I cannot say.” she had said simply before continuing to eat. 
“You don’t deny that it is something?” you exclaimed silently. You had expected her to deny it. “Why won’t you tell me, it is clearly causing you to worry.” You were getting agitated now, and when you noticed some heads looking in your direction with veiled curiosity, you took a deep breath to calm yourself. 
“I have been cursed with knowledge.” she started slowly, quietly - collecting her thoughts as she spoke. “I see many different outcomes for many different decisions, and hear the voices of all those before me whispering in my head. I always worry, sometimes a bit more than usual. I can handle it, what I will not stand for, however, is you asking for things I cannot give.” You flinched, as she continued her rampage. “I cannot share everything with you; because sharing them will not do anything other than put a burden on your shoulder, a burden that I must carry alone.” she finished 
“Bu-” you started
“Enough!” was the command that came out of her mouth. The sheer force of the order had your body recoiling and your mind spinning, forcing you into silence. 
It took you a few seconds before you could regain your senses. You looked around in confusion, before setting your eyes on her, and the shock of the realization caused your eyes to open and your chest to heave. She had used the voice on you. 
She had used the voice on you. 
The communal room had never been so silent. Not even during nighttime, as there were always Fremen patrolling around. Yet, right now it was so quiet that you could hear your heart beating in your ears as your body felt hot with embarrassment, shock and hurt. You sensed a movement in front of you, but before she could say or do anything else, you had stood up and left. Not looking back, and avoiding the eyes that followed you out of the communal space. 
—------------------
Stilgar and Chani were rarely, if ever on the same page. However, one thing that they could agree on, was that you were the best of them. You didn’t agree. Although you did try to control your anger, preferred to think before acting when possible and trusted until proven wrong, you could never escape the Fremen pride. 
The Reverend Mother, Jessica, had in just a second, taken away your free will and reduced you to a puppet. And she did it in front of your people. You were shaking with silent anger, your fists were clenched, and your nails were creating bloody half-moon cuts in your palms. Had it been any other weirding woman - had you been any other Fremen - you would have slit her throat. Instead, you walked away to calm yourself. 
Your steps guided you to your childhood home. You walked right in and slammed the door behind you, closed your eyes and leaned against it for support, before pushing forward with a harsh kick of your feet against the wooden entrance. 
“What did my door do to you?” You meant to go to your room and ruminate in peace, but the voice of your father had you enter the living room where he sat on a cushion he used for prayer and meditation. 
You stayed quiet as you paced up and down the living room, trying and failing to calm down. Never in your life had you been so angry. 
“First my door, now my floor. What is the matter with you?” you heard Stilgar ask, still you didn’t stop. It was only when he grabbed you by your shoulders that you stopped and let out a growl-like sigh. “Come, let’s sit and you can tell me what has angered you so,” he said as he led you to the couch.
You suddenly felt like a child again, like when you would have a nightmare or the other children would tease you to tears and you would run to him. He would sit you on his lap and hug you in his big arms and make everything better, everything would go away. 
Except now, you were an adult with grown-up feelings and responsibilities - and he couldn’t make this - whatever it was - go away. You still told him, about how you’d grown close to Lady Jessica and how she was worried about something, and how when you’d asked, out of concern, she’d used the voice on you. 
You expected him to get just as angry if not more than you, but he remained calm and thoughtful. 
Finally he said: “She said you were asking for things she couldn’t give?” he questioned. 
“Did you not hear the part where I said she used The Voice on me?” you asked in exasperation before getting up and resuming your pacing. 
“Do you know why I assigned you to her?’ he asked instead of answering your question.
“Because I’m your daughter and you trust me? Because I’m one of the best Fedaykin, because I’m a good diplomat? I don’t know father.” You snapped. He was angering you even more. 
“Yes, to all these.” He agreed as you sighed. “But, the real reason I assigned you to the Reverend Mother is because she needs a friend and you are the only person I know who wouldn’t be judgemental, or rude. You would give her a chance before anything else.” He explained as you stopped your pacing to listen to him. “The Bene Gesserit see more than we do, because of their training. A Reverend Mother sees even more. She is cursed with all the knowledge of the past and that of the future while seeing all the outcomes possible. It’s a big responsibility.” He said lost in thought. “It makes for a lonely life. One I have forced her to live. I guess it was only right that I gave her something to help her out.” he finished. 
“I can understand that, but that still doesn’t make up for her removing my free will like that,” You whisper as you sit next to him. 
“You have to understand that pushing her won’t do any good, and although you wish to help yoheru carry this load - you can’t. The only thing you can do is be there for her - by her side - and wait until she comes to you,” he said 
“When will that be?” You whispered 
“When she’ll be ready,” he replied. “Don’t sell yourself short, Y/n. You’ve been a very positive presence in her life.” he hesitated, “I believe that what hurt you the most is the fact that she said she might not be able to give you what you were asking for.” he started, “Perhaps you took it and applied it to some more…romantic feelings of yours.” he finished with a small smile, as I felt heat rush all over my body. 
“Stilgar!” You exclaimed in embarrassment 
“I may be getting old, but my eyes still work. I see how you’ve been around her. This will be something to acknowledge when you’re ready.” he finished and I sighed.
“Thank you, father,” You say with a soft smile, which he returns.
Our moment was interrupted by a loud noise that shook the entire yali, followed by screams. You were immediately on your feet as you rushed out.
Your heart beating widely in your chest. 
—--------------------------------------------
Chaos was everywhere you looked. Children and adults alike rushed to escape the Sietch or to find loved ones lost in the panic as you were being attacked. 
You helped where you could, but you only had one thing on your mind, and that was to find Jessica. You wanted to believe that she had been rushed out by the fanatics of the prophecy, but you wouldn’t leave until you were absolutely sure. Why did I run away like a petulant child? You asked yourself. You’d never forgive yourself if something had happened to her. 
You ran from corner to corner as you helped some of the men and Fedaykin lead the people out to the rocks outside. Stilgar wasn’t too far and was shouting orders for the people to stay calm as rushing would only make things worse. 
You could see some bodies already lathering the floor as people passed you with missing appendages, tears in their eyes and their skin covered in blood. You probably didn’t fare much better - dust had covered your skin and your sight had been hindered. Still, you pushed through. I have to find her.
“Y/n!” You looked to Stilgar. “Get out of here!” He shouted and you shook my head, he sighed and you continued searching around for her, and helping people to the exit. 
From the corner of your eyes, you saw a large boulder rushing towards a little girl who was crying and screaming for her parents. You ran, as fast as you could and swept her up in your arms and out of the way before the rock could hit her. A woman who must have known her, grabbed her from you, and you urged them towards the exit. 
Still, you couldn’t find her, and the attacks didn’t stop. Most people were out, and you hadn’t caught a glimpse of her or even heard a mention of her name. Why did I leave her?
You suddenly found yourself on the ground as you were knocked down. You watched with blurry eyes, as you were trampled on as feet rushed past you. No one stopped to help you. Before you surrendered to the darkness, you heard Stilgar’s voice screaming your name, and your last thought was to Jessica. I hope she’s safe. Please be safe.
—--------------------
You slowly open your eyes to darkness, and for a moment you were afraid you had lost your eyesight. You slowly sat up, every bone in your body protesting and looked around before letting out a sigh of relief. You were in a cave and could see and hear the hustling around.
You got up, your movements slow and tentative before walking out and into the desert. You could see the damage that had been done, people around you were crying, and shouting. So many lost, who had done this? You could feel anger resurfacing in you, and you were suddenly reminded that Jessica was still missing. 
All around you, people were busy doing something as you looked for her. You noticed Shishakli some paces away and quickly walked to her. She noticed you and pulled you in a hug, only slightly hurting you.
“Thank the Maker,” she whispered as you closed your arms around her. “You scared me, Stilgar and Chani have been so worried. We all were,” she said as you separated from the hug, but her hands stayed on your forearms.
You felt a slight pang of guilt at not having spared a thought to her and the others.  
“What happened?” You asked, your voice coming out hoarse.
“Harkonnens” she growled. “They used some primitive explosives on us. Caught us by surprise. We’re treating our wounded before making our way South. A council has been called.” She explained. 
“Is Stilgar in any shape to speak?” You asked in concern, looking around for him. 
“He looks shaken up, but he’ll be okay. I hear he’s pushing for Usul to speak,” she said and you looked at her in shock. Only leaders could speak in the South. 
Surely - No. Paul wouldn’t. Of that you were certain. You had spent enough time with his mother to know what he was and wasn’t capable of. A voice in the back of your head whispered: Paul wouldn’t, but what about the Kwisatz Haderach?
You banished those thoughts. And focused on your friend and what you really cared about. 
“Where is the Reverend Mother?” you asked, the concern and urgency detectable even to your ears. Without a word, Shishakli pointed behind you, where you could see two people standing at the very top of a rock. 
“Her and Usul are discussing as she waits for her palanquin to be ready to leave.” You thanked her, before rushing towards the two Atreides. 
You arrived as their conversation ended and Paul was leaving. He nodded at you in greeting.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, with a glance back at his mother. “Take care of my mother and sister for me, will you?” he asked as you nodded. The ‘with my life’ was implied. And he left, seemingly satisfied with your answer. 
You were left alone with his mother. You took a breath before looking at her, she was staring right back at you. Her eyes said more than you could understand. Something about the way she looked at you was different. 
“I’m sorry,” 
“I’m sorry” 
You smiled as you spoke at the same time. “No, wait. I’ll go first.” you started. “I’m sorry I left like that, I was angry. I’m still angry, but I got so scared when I couldn’t find you. I looked around until I passed out, not kn-” You were cut off as you felt yourself rambling.
Jessica had crossed the small distance between you and pulled in a hug, her head resting in the crook of your neck. You held your breath for a moment, before wrapping your arms around her and breathing in her scent. You could finally breathe normally, for the first time since breakfast. 
“I wish you hadn’t looked for me,” she whispered in your neck, making you shiver. “I had to be dragged away. I was so worried when the first attack hit and I couldn’t find you anywhere, I watched and waited for you to come out - and when you finally did...” she hugged you tighter, before stepping away and staring into your eyes. “I’m sorry I used The Voice on you, I shouldn’t have done that. I will never do that again. Not to you.” she whispered the last part as she cupped your cheek with her hand. 
“Thank you,” You whispered, moved by her heartfelt apology and by the fact that she had been so worried about your safety.
She smiled before becoming more serious. “Y/n,” she started, and you looked at her prompting her to continue. “I-” A voice cut her off and you put some distance between you.
“Your palanquin is ready, Reverend Mother.” said a voice at the foot of the rocks, and she thanked the man. 
“In the South,” she said with a sigh. “Everything will come to a head in the South; there, we will talk,” she said as she started her descent to the palanquin. 
—------------------------------------
Except you didn’t talk. Things had been too busy for you to have a moment alone, long enough to put your cards on the table. 
She had become simultaneously more secretive and more caring. And then, Paul had died, and she had remained oddly quiet. 
This was the woman who worried about him daily, while he was fighting with the Fedaykin, yet she stared emotionlessly at the pale face of her firstborn, while others all around wept. Your eyes widened in understanding when Chani came storming in, how not to believe when you are faced with the hard cold facts? Paul was the Kwisatz Haderach, the Lisan al Gaib, the Mahdi. And Jessica was not just a mere Reverend Mother. 
You were in a trance as you followed Chani into a room that had been assigned to her. You watched as she walked around the room, her anger loud and clear. 
“What are you doing?” you asked finally, pushing your thoughts aside to focus on her distress. 
“I’m leaving.” She said as she pushed her clothes into her bag. “I will not watch as we cheer and support our new oppressor. Even if it’s Paul, the man I love.” she said angrily and she harshly wiped a tear from her cheek. 
“I think that’s the problem,” you said softly. 
“What?” she asked as she continued packing and you made yourself comfortable on the bed. 
“The problem is, you love Paul,” you said louder as she looked at you. “You love Paul - that boy who has lost everything and doesn’t know who he is; you love Usul - the man you were trying to create, the one who was escaping his destiny. But are you willing to love the Mahdi, the Lisan al Gaib, and the Kwisatz Haderach?” you continued. “Are you willing to love and accept the person he has to become and the things that he has to do? Stand by his side?” Although you were speaking about her situation, the words echoed with you. 
The weight of the responsibilities which lay on Jessica’s shoulders had only now become clear, and you found yourself thinking about your role in her life, about your feelings.
“What are you doing here?” you looked up at the cold words uttered by Chani and saw the object of your thoughts standing in the doorway. She was dressed down in a simple robe, with no veil obstructing her face, letting you see the tattoos which only served to enhance her beauty. She was beautiful. She was Jessica, not the Reverend Mother with plans within plans - just Jessica. Your heart skipped a beat. 
Her eyes swept across the room, taking in the clothes thrown about and the bag nearly packed to the brim, before meeting your eyes for just a second and settling on Chani. “I came to thank you and wish you good luck in your ventures,” she said softly.
“I don’t need anything from you,” said Chani as she grabbed the rest of her clothes, before making her to the door. I got up to follow her and watched as she stopped next to Jessica. “I hope destroying your son was worth it,” she said angrily, before leaving. You tried to follow her out, but were stopped by a hand on your wrist, forcing you to look at the tattooed woman. 
“Can we talk?” she asked in that same soft tone. You looked at Chani quickly retreating before nodding. You would catch up. 
“What is it?” You asked in an even tone as you sat back down on the bed, effectively putting distance between you. 
“Are you thinking of leaving with Chani?” she asked, not wasting any time. You stared at her. You were considering it, yes. But you also didn’t want to leave her. She must have sensed your indecisiveness. “I’m sorry if you were put off by all that I had to do, and what I will have to do in the future to ensure that the prophecy is completed. I wish I could say this isn’t me, but I’ve been trained for this my whole life, and this is what I’ve become.” she took a deep breath, “There’s been a lot of confusion in my head lately, but one thing I know for sure is that I love you.” she whispered and your heart skipped a beat. “I wasn’t prepared to love you, or anyone for that matter, but I fell for you and only realized when it was too late.” she paused as if to collect her thoughts. “I’m not here to beg you to stay or maybe I am, I’d very much prefer if you did; if only to keep my heart whole. Whatever the case, I had to say it: I love you. Not like I loved my Duke; it’s different but just as strong, if not more. There isn’t any obligation linked to my love for you, yet here I am, and here I shall remain, with my heart in my hands for you to claim - should you want it or not, it’s yours.” she finishes quietly and you stayed quiet as you took the time to process what she just said.
“You are Jessica, loving, caring, funny, sweet, gentle and sensitive. You are a Bene Gesserit, a Reverent Mother, you are the mother of the Kwisatz Haderach: you are driven, controlling, unrelenting, and secretive.” With each word, you took a step until you were right in front of her. “You are all that, and I love you. I will not always agree with what you have to do, or understand, but I will still love you and stand by your side. So here I am, and here I shall remain.” You said, echoing her words. “I will take your heart and cherish it - if you’re willing to take mine and do the same,” You said softly as you felt tears run down your face. 
She looked at you so softly, and traced your cheek with her hand, just as gently, before pulling you impossibly close and whispering: “Your heart will be safe with me” before pressing her lips to yours in a searing kiss. 
The road ahead was patchy, but you would walk it forever if it meant you could stay by her side.
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kneelingshadowsalome · 3 months
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i'm not sure if that's true but i've seen somewhere that bunnies can symbolise fake innocence so...,.,.. (also im so sorry this is so long :,))) )
idk maybe just the image of women in könig's head seems to be something similar? they're sweet and helpless and need someone bigger to protect them. in that way they hold more power - no one ever assumes that a woman could be cruel or downright evil.
and so does könig, even though it's almost a conscious choice to him. he'll let women use him and manipulate him so long as he gets the privilege of being approached by them first despite being visibly much bigger and stronger. and that also being exactly the same as people feeling special when someone's pet likes them, especially cats (usually very distant and seemingly unaffectionate) or bunnies (again, easily scared and also distant in their own way) 🥲
(and speaking of this. i keep thinking about an au where. idk how but reader and köni simply go to the same church (possibly with their families) and he sees her as this sweet innocent girl and their families know each other so well and his parents love her but she turns out to be the one who shows him that sex outside of marriage is actually very fun and so is witchcraft lmao 😭 im sorry)
I’m so into the whole bunny thing, esp after what Orla & Syl (@/konigsblog and @/comfortless) just posted…….
I'm 110% sure that König gets both protective and predatory over someone (seemingly) innocent and meek, he's drawn to her like a bee to honey. His mind and soul and hands are so dirty that he seeks redemption through protecting this adorable little woman who reminds him of a helpless pet. He wants to feed and protect and stroke her, make her love him and only him, with her, he becomes the epitome of a pick me boy. He just wants her to be his little bunny girl, let him scratch her from behind the ear or some place else...
And our shy but endearing bunny babe doesn’t dare to tell this big, affectionate giant that he’s trying to make it look like she’s the dumb, clueless one in this scenario when in reality, König is the one who’s on a leash here... Poor guy! With every little wink of her imaginary tail, she gets him to do whatever she wants: manipulating this big dork is laughably easy. Not that she wants him harm, but who wouldn’t want to play cat and mouse with someone who’s basically asking for it? She can provide him the rush of the chase he so seeks, just a small bite of her lip makes this poor man hot and bothered already.
König always apologizes for getting carried away, for being a little too rough with her when he kisses her raw and gets a little handsy. He doesn’t want to seem demanding or coercive: but she’s just so sweet that he can’t take it… He's about to cry and wank and crumble during his pathetic confessions to her, only she can grant him mercy, always being so lenient with his heated advances. He's just a weak man, she's too good for him, bla bla bla – she pets his head while he sighs in her tits, hard again after just cuddling her.
They have to wait until marriage, that's what he always pants when hovering above her, so hard she can feel his whole cock through her dress. She’s going to make a grown man cry soon with those vein-popping boners she gives him, and the hardest part is to stifle her giggles at how easy it is to tease this poor guy... König doesn’t even know that she’s not that innocent, far from a virgin actually with how she’s fantasizing about him every night with her 6” dong with suction cup. One time he almost caught her playing with herself when he came rushing back to her room after forgetting some godforsaken book there...
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Text
— The Archer | R. Targaryen *✧・゚
▹ Pairing: Rhaenyra Targaryen x Reader
▹ Genre: Angst and Comfort
▹ Words: ~3.7k
▹ Summary: All of Rhaenyra's enemies started as friends and she's terrified you'll be next.
▹ Note: Your Honor, I'm gay.
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✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚:*✧・゚: *✧・゚
There'd been a shift in your relationship with Rhaenyra.
You couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it had happened or the exact reason for it. But something had changed. No longer did she freely show her affections in the privacy of her chambers, nor did she reach out to hold your hand in hers. Cold and distant, Rhaenyra didn't call on you as much as she previously had. 
Paranoia had you in its claws; had you done something wrong? Did she find someone else to fall in love with? Perhaps someone she could be with so publicly, not a lowly handmaiden she could only ever have in the quiet of the night. 
Your heart hammered with anxiety and suspense; tossing and turning, sleep had evaded you as you began to keep tally of how many times Rhaenyra called on your aid. The most in one day had been three, and she used to call on you double that amount just to be in your presence. Something was wrong; you just didn't know what. 
She wouldn't even meet your gaze anymore. 
It made you squirm when in her presence, where once you had been at complete ease. Doubt made your sunny skies turn gray as insecurities gnawed on you. Did she rekindle her friendship with Queen Alicent and leave you in the dust? Or was it Daemon Targaryen who captured her attention from you? Perhaps someone new to the court you hadn't even realized was a threat. 
There was nothing to do; you were helpless, unable to act as the woman you loved drifted further away. Goodbye was screaming in the silence between the two of you.
Hands shaking and breathing unsteady, your footsteps echoed in the dark halls, its flickering candles casting monsters in the corner of your vision. Your fingers gripped the serving tray in your hand so tight that all circulation had been cut off as your knuckles turned white. The decanter of wine shook, and its sound called out just how terrified you were. 
The princess had requested red wine as she prepared for bed, and you were terribly anxious this would be the night she'd officially end the relationship the two of you shared. But you didn't want that; you didn't want to face the harsh reality that everything was crumbling around you. You'd take awkward silence over definite endings. 
All too soon, you reached her chambers, the doors looming over you in a mocking manner. Carefully, you raised a single fist to the door and knocked, the rap of your fist almost as loud as the beat of your heart. A lump was caught in your throat as you waited.
"Come in." The walls muffled Rhaenyra's voice, but you'd heard them well enough, always too aware of anything related to Rhaenyra. And maybe that was where you went wrong. Blinded by the princess, you took her words as an oath and not the petty dalliance she probably viewed it as. 
Carefully, hands still shaking, you opened the door. The sweat on your palm nearly made it stick to the cool metal of the knob.
The room was dimly lit by half-melted candles and candelabras spread throughout the large chamber. The duvet on her large bed was pulled back, inviting her to sink into the plush mattress of cloud-like pillows. Rhaenyra sat in front of her vanity, hair loose and unbraided, dressed in a night dress and a silk robe. She turned her head as you entered, purple eyes carefully watching you with an unreadable expression. 
She used to look at you with warmth and vibrant affection, every emotion she felt visible on her face. Now it was like looking at a statue, harsh and emotionless. The pit in your stomach burrowed deeper, and your heart got caught in your throat. Where did it all go wrong?
Your eyes darted from her, unable to stare any longer without bursting into tears. The walls were closing in on you as the ability to breathe was taken from you. Like a rat, you hurried to the other side of the room, setting the tray on a small table. 
You opened the decanter, pouring the red wine into the glass. You took your time to avoid spilling anything. You needed to be out of the room as soon as possible. The weight of Rhaenyra's eyes on you was equivalent to the ceiling collapsing onto you. A scenario you would've preferred over this one; at least then death would be quicker than this slow burn. 
There was a soft clank as you set down the crystal decanter. With the glass of wine in hand, you turned and walked towards Rhaenyra. Eyes lowered to the floor, and counting each step taken, you set the glass on the vanity, a few inches from Rhaenyra's hand, that tightly gripped the wood's edge. 
You didn't mutter a word, simply lowering into a slight curtsey before turning and exiting the room. Except you hadn't made it that far, only crossing half of the room before Rhaenyra spoke. 
"Wait." 
You stopped in your tracks, the hammer of your heart so loud you wouldn't be surprised if all of Dragonstone heard it. 
"Come here."
Your eyes fluttered shut, unsure whether you should be relieved or terrified. She would either take you in her arms as she had nearly every night the past year, or she'd fully sever the thread that tied the two of you together.
Deeply you inhaled, held it for a moment, then exhaled, opening your eyes. You turned, eyes still on the floor, as you returned to where Rhaenyra sat. You waited for her to speak, terrified of what she may say. So silent you could've blended into the walls; things had never been this way between you. Rhaenyra had always been more of a friend than a superior and then a friend that became a lover. 
But now she would become a stranger again.
"Would you brush my hair and plait it for bed?" She spoke to you as if you were a stranger, even-toned and perfectly polite. But perhaps if you'd been looking anywhere other than your feet, you'd have noticed the storm of emotions reflected in her eyes. 
Wordlessly you nodded, grabbing the hair brush and meticulously brushing out any knots and tangles. You made quick work of it but refrained from seeming too eager to finish the task. The last thing you needed was to potentially anger Rhaenyra, something you'd never been afraid of. But nothing was as it once was. 
Her hair was like silk threads between your fingers as you wove each strand into one braid that fell down the middle of her back. While your eyes focused solely on her hair and the task at hand, Rhaenyra's were on you. 
A soft smile curled at the edges of her lips, heart heavy with anxiety and fear she didn't dare speak into existence. It wasn't that she wanted to push you away. But as paranoia and fear took root within her mind, rotting away her faith and belief that there were good things out there, distancing herself was better than watching you twist into someone who hated her.  
Yet even as she resolved herself to do such, creating an armor of ice to encase herself with, the sting of heartbreak hit her heart. While she would self-soothe with reassurances that it was only raw for now, that soon the ache would dull, she wasn't convinced. In the loneliness of the night, her bed was entirely too big. You should've been in the space beside her, greeting her with sleepy smiles and bleary eyes that sparkled like stars. 
Rhaenyra was sure that she'd be getting over you her whole life. Yet missing you wasn't the worst of it.
Never a player of the Great Game the nobles busied themselves with, you wore your heart on your sleeve. It was evident the hurt you bore from her sudden withdrawal. Shockwaves of trembling hands and unsteady breaths plagued you, eyes not as bright as they once had been. She noticed it all, and it was like a dagger to the heart every time she did. She never wanted to hurt you; she never wanted you to hate her. 
Yet the fear of you twisting the dagger embedded in her chest from past betrayal made her rash. It made her paranoid, visions of treachery riddling her with madness. Alone in the dark, twisting in her sheets, Rhaenyra's doubts spiraled out of control. 
But in the solitude of her room, Rhaenyra could feel her walls weakening as your nimble fingers brushed through her hair.
You continued your work on Rhaenyra's hair, nearly finished as you reached the end. Before Rhaenyra could return the mask of indifference to her face, you were tying her braid with a cord, eyes moving from her head to meet her eyes in the mirror. Reflected in her eyes was the same pain and longing in yours. It made a lump return to your throat, a small sliver of hope like dawn coming after night. 
Neither of you spoke, your hands still tangled in the ends of her hair. Time had stopped, the both of you screaming a million things with your eyes. Yet neither of you could understand the other, leading to more confusion as your heart continued to break. She nearly reached out and snatched your hands; in fact, she was lifting her hand, fingers outstretched--
The sudden rumble of thunder broke the silence as you jumped back from Rhaenyra, hands falling to your side, and Rhaenyra mourned the loss of your touch. She realized how much she truly missed it.
"Will that be all, my lady?" You lowered your head, eyes once again on your feet.
Rhaenyra hesitated. She'd wanted you to stay, to pull you into her arms and make you swear you'd never leave her. She wanted you to leave kisses on her face, punctuating each one with a promise of undying fealty, not as an heir to the Iron Throne but as the woman you loved. So close within her grasp, she could have reached out and captured your hand, holding it so tight she wouldn't feel a thing. Everything she wanted stood before her, patiently waiting for her to speak. 
And yet Rhaenyra found herself tongue-tied, fighting a war no one else knew was waging. Could she take the leap, put her faith, trust, and everything sacred to her in you, and just simply hope you wouldn't turn your back on her? Could she fully bare her soul, grant you her heart, and pray you wouldn't crush it? Love involved a leap of faith that Rhaenyra was hesitant to take.
How could she open up after so much betrayal from the ones she least expected it from?
But at the same time, all she was feeling was pain that she had inflicted on herself. Was she some sort of masochist, content with being hurt so long as she could wield when and who it came from? 
"Princess?" Your voice pulled Rhaenyra from her thoughts as she refocused on her surroundings. You were looking at her, a hint of concern in the cracks of your neutral expression. 
It only made Rhaenyra's heart twist. You should be cursing her name, swearing up and down the halls Rhaenyra Targaryen was a cheat and a liar. And yet... 
You still cared; it shone in how you watched her, eyes too keen and all-knowing. But if you were all-knowing, why couldn't you see the paranoid propaganda she was feeding herself? She wished, more than anything, you were the mind reader she often joked you were.
Time seemed to slow, unknown words forming on her tongue and falling from her mouth. 
"Stay with me." 
For a moment you stared at her, entirely sure you'd heard her wrong. Yet even as you replayed her answer over and over again, it hadn't changed. She wanted you to stay. Yet even as you lit up with newfound optimism, you crushed it before it could blossom. You didn't want to be let down. 
You then nodded, unable to stifle the small smile on your lips. "Of course, princess. What is it you require of me?"
Rhaenyra picked up the glass of wine that had remained untouched up until that moment, and she stood from the vanity. She tipped the glass back, welcoming the bitter taste of it.
"Have a drink with me." 
You nodded, following Rhaenyra as she walked towards the table where you had placed the decanter of wine. You moved to pour the glass, but Rhaenyra beat you to it, filling a second glass she presented before topping off her own. 
"Thank you," you muttered, taking the glass and tentatively sipping. It was all so familiar, like a sense of deja-vu from when the two of you would sip wine and explore fantasies that could never be. Yet the air was never this thick with tension.
Rhaenyra sat at the table, motioning with her head for you to follow suit, which you did. Your fingers drummed on the wood, nerves making you restless. It felt as though you were awaiting trial for crimes against the crown. 
Unspoken words hovered in the atmosphere, tangible yet elusive. Rhaenyra drank the wine like water while you hardly touched yours. Your stomach was so twisted that the thought of drinking anything made you nauseous. 
The only indication that any time had passed was the dwindling wine and the storm that continued to rage outside. After her third glass had been drained, Rhaenyra set down the cup, pushing it away to indicate she was finished. 
Only then did her eyes find yours, expression severe and austere. There were small lines along her forehead from the furrow of her brows and creases from the frown on her lips. You wanted to smooth them all and kiss away whatever made her so cold, yet that wasn't your place anymore. 
"Do you love me?" She spoke softly, yet a sharp edge to her words carried the weight of an unspoken accusation. She judged you guilty of crimes you never even committed, put you in a cell, and destroyed the key without so much of a trial.
Yet you could do nothing but answer her earnestly because no matter the number of cuts in your skin from her sudden distance, your heart would always belong to her and only her. 
"Yes." 
Rhaenyra's jaw tightens, and in the flicker of the candles, you see the quiver of her lip and the slight shake of her form. She was crumbling, ash to the fire you radiated. Any resolve to preserve her heart in the act of self-sabotage was destroyed. 
"Say it." The words were strained, Rhaenyra's eyes shut so tight the skin might rip. Tears pricked in her eyes, and Rhaenyra did her best to keep them at bay. 
"I love you." You said it with such conviction and sincerity, Rhaenyra nearly believed it. Her eyes remained shut, but her body slackened and sunk into her chair. However, you leaned forward, eyes narrowed as everything clicked into place.
"Is that why you have been so distant and different? Did you believe I did not love you?" You asked, hands finding Rhaenyra's. You gripped them tightly as if to force Rhaenyra to truly see you. 
"It is silly," she laughed, the sounds hollow and empty. She refused to look at you, knowing the burning passion in your eyes would make her fully give in. But she needed to maintain the walls around her heart, even if you kept tearing them down as she put them into place. She wouldn't be hurt by anyone ever again. 
"It is not," you argued, squeezing her hand. "Look at me." She didn't heed your request, stubbornly turning her head away. You stood, the wood of your chair scraping against the stone floor, and you kneeled before Rhaenyra, pulling one of her hands into yours, elbows resting atop her knees.
"Rhaenyra, look at me." Still, she refused. With your free hand, you forced her head to face you. "'Nyra, please." With your final plea, her eyes fluttered open, purple iris' glossy from unshed tears. Diamonds under her eyes glistened, carving a path down her cheek as a few stray tears fell. 
"I love you. I have loved you since the day I laid my eyes upon you. I need you to know that to understand the way I feel will never change."
"You don't know that. You cannot predict how you will feel in the future." She was stubbornly arguing, clinging to the last bit of fight she had. Your touch was burning her skin from her humiliation at appearing so weak. 
"No, I may not be able to see the future, but I know how I feel for you, and I know that won't change."
"I can't be hurt again. All my enemies were once friends, and I cannot bear to see the same happen to you. I cannot lose you." Her hand ghosted over your cheek, her hand that was in your grasp interlocking with your fingers. 
"And you will not. I won't betray you as Queen Alicent of Ser Criston or any of the others that left scars on you. What must I do to make you see that?"
Sharply Rhaenyra inhaled, choked sobs raking through her body. "I do not know how to stop it. I am terrified, so terrified. I do not want to be disappointed, not again."
You swallowed thickly, allowing her words to process as your thumbs stroked the palm of her hand. Like the weather outside, you were a tempest of emotions. A blend of sadness, desperation to comfort Rhaenyra, and burning anger towards those at King's Landing who had created these wounds. 
Rhaenyra always had to maintain a strong facade as the heir to the throne, especially with her claim constantly being questioned. But for now, you would be the source of strength she had to be for so many people. 
Rhaenyra continued to cry as you all but cradled her against you.
"Then I promise to do my best to never let that happen, and if it does, and one of us is let down by the other, I'll do my damndest to ensure I am the one that gets hurt."
Rhaenyra was too stunned to speak, the passion behind your words taking her aback. She pulled her head back from your chest to give you a wide-eyed stare.
You were truly in love with her; you'd meant every sleepy promise and quiet confession. The words you spoke hadn't been hasty or impulsive. They were an oath sworn under a canopy of stars with the gods as your witness. Rhaenyra had been a fool to not realize it before. 
"I love you." 
It was all she uttered before her lips were on yours. The kiss was salty from the tears falling from Rhaenyra's eyes, but you didn't mind, more than content to be pulled beneath the waves of her waters. 
This kiss felt different from all the others you'd shared, a show of affection and relief that the cold war waging between you was over. There would be peace, and Rhaenyra could return to her home in your arms. 
It was also more than that; it was also a declaration of devotion between the two of you, as sacred as any wedding. The waters would be rough, and the two of you could never truly be together anywhere other than the privacy of these four walls. Yet it was everything you'd wanted.
Rhaenyra was everything you wanted. 
You returned her fervor, determined to make her feel every word you hadn't spoken. Gently, your tongue slipped past her lips, and you swallowed the small gasp she let out. One hand was on the nape of her neck, keeping her close while the other traced patterns along the curve of her cheek. She tasted like wine and imported berries from the Reach, an intoxicating blend that made your mind grow hazy. 
She pulled back first, only centimeters separating the two of you. Eye to eye, her forehead resting on yours, she breathed in. The tip of her nose brushed against yours as you panted. 
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. How could you possibly forgive me," Rhaenyra spoke with as much reverence as a Sept reciting sacred prayers. 
"Because I love you," you spoke, lips brushing over hers. "I love you, and I will continue to do so until the end of my days." 
"I do not deserve you." 
You cupped her cheek in such a soft and delicate fashion. She was a work of art, and you'd handle her with the care she deserved. 
"You deserve so much more than you've been given, 'Nyra. I cannot give you much, but I will give you all my love; I can promise you that. I will never betray you, I will never leave you, and I will never, ever stop loving you."
She breathed out a laugh, a sweet smile on her swollen lips that were bruised from the kiss you'd shared. "And I promise you that when I am named Queen, I will make a new order and marry you, proprietary be damned. I want you, and I will have you. No court, army, or god could stop me."
There was a glow on your face, her words making you feel as high as the heavens. The smile on your face would never be wiped off. Truth rang in Rhaenyra's words, and you knew they weren't pretty promises to make you feel all light and giggly. 
"Do not start a war for me," you muttered in a playful tone, undoing the plait you had done so you could card your fingers through her hair.
"I would burn down the entire world for you." She spoke with such devotion it made your cheeks flush pink.
"Perhaps we start with you kissing me again." 
And Rhaenyra complied with your request, over and over again, determined to make up for the hurt she inflicted. 
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bartxnhood · 10 months
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lost in reality | s.h
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shawn hunter x fem!reader
summary: lost in his cloud of doubt, shawn thinks you don’t like him. however, when you come to his doorstep one night changes everything.
warnings: none, this one is just pretty short and not that well written lol
requests open
not proofread
Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.
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“she likes you man, it’s so obvious!” cory is watching his best friend, shawn, pace around the living room. “you’ve seen the way she’s with eric! there’s no way she likes me.”
shawn remembers you interacting with eric. he feels his chest swell with jealousy, the way you touched his arm while you laughed, or the way you pushed your hair away from your face.
he was so frustrated with his own emotions. shawn had loved you for years, he was so madly in love with you that it hurt him.
“think about it” cory starts, pushing himself off the island and walking over to his friend. “she always gets shy around you, she can’t look at you more than a few seconds, or else she starts blushing like…” he tried thinking of a comparison. “well i.. i don’t know what but still!”
shawn finally stopped pacing to look at cory, trying to think back to all the times you had done this. but, still, he wasn’t convinced. “i don’t know man..”
“i’ve been seeing angela, she’s really cool and i like her but..” shawn shrugs, “she isn’t y/n.” cory sighs, crossing his arms. “well at least you could talk to her. figure out what’s going on.”
the following week you spot shawn at the cafeteria and you planned on stopping him in hopes to talk with him. “shawn!” you wave your hand and he walks over. “what’s up?” he offers a smile, standing above you. “i was just wondering if you had time to talk for a sec?” he nodded, “of course, what’s up?”
“well.. you start, it’s kinda about us..” you were about to continue when angela walks up, lacing her arm around his. “shawn!” she grins, “we still good for our date this weekend?” she asks, he smiles fondly and nods, “yeah, of course!” angela grins and kisses his cheek softly before walking away.
shawn turns back to you, his eyebrows raise, “what’s up?” you feel a knot in your stomach and shake your head gathering your things. “nothing.. not important. i’ll see you later.” you say, and stand up and walk away, leaving shawn puzzled.
you’re sat on topangas bed, rambling about how frustrated you are with his shawn had been acting as of late. “it’s killing me!l you plop back onto your back with a loud sigh.
“it’s like..he doesn’t even notice me..” you’re visibly upset and topanga doesn’t know how to comfort you. “maybe he’s just going through something.” she says and you disagree. “no..i know when somethings wrong. i’m his best friend, i know him. but lately, he’s been so different.”
you both fall silent, you’re stuck thinking about how you could fix them. “i have to see him” you say, abruptly getting up from topangas bed and reaching for your jacket, “y/n! it’s pouring out there!” she tries stopping you, concerned for your wellbeing. “topanga, i have to tell him. i can’t just stand by watching him fall in love with someone else.” you turn to your best friend, tears brimming in your eyes. topanga understands, knowing if it was cory she’d be running out in the rain like that.
“please, just be safe.” she nods, giving you a look of sympathy.
“y/n? you okay?! it’s pouring!” shawn opens the door and drags you inside from the rain.
“i love you.” you blurted, fidgeting with your hands. “oh..oh my god..that just…” your hands are shaking and your chest is tight while looking at shawn. “i love you,” you repeat and watch as shawn stands up from the stool and you see the confusion on his face.
“im so in love with you. it’s like i can’t stop thinking about you. you’re like..in me..” you laugh, trying to hold back your tears. “like you’re some kind of disease. i can’t think of anything except you.” now you’re tearing up. “i…i can’t sleep, i can’t eat…” you pause, “i can’t breathe..” your voice is breaking, and you feel the tears on your cheeks. “i just love you all the time… i love you, shawn”
this had been building up in you for so long, and you had to get it out and it felt so much better to just say it.
“you don’t have to say anything or love me back. i just needed to tell you..” you wipe away the tears from your cheeks and start to turn around but shawn grabs your arm, spinning you around to face him.
his touch is so soft against your skin, the way his thumb caressed your cheek made you melt. his eyes were soft, “y/n..” he starts, his voice is soft like honey. you could listen to him speak for hours, his voice could lull you to sleep. “i love you too. i have loved you for years. all i can ever think about is you and how badly my heart aches for you.” he smiles, tears begin welling in his eyes. "this-" he points at his chest "—this belongs to you. always."
you replay his confession over and over, feeling your heart swell with love. shawn is resting on your chest while some random movie is playing on the tv. it was something he had gotten from the movie store. you had thought he had fallen asleep long ago but when he spoke it startled you.
“why do you love me?”
you blink a few times, wondering where this came from. “what?” he sets up, “why do you love me? i..i have nothing to offer you, y/n. i..i don’t have a fancy house or..or anything. why?”
you look at him, mind racing as you try to collect the right words, “i love you because you care, you’re funny, you take time to learn about people, and even though you may get on my nerves” you pause and laugh, your hand rests on his cheek. the pad of your thumb rubs against his cheekbone.
“i love you. i’ve loved you for so long, shawn.” you smile and watched as shawn pulls you into his arms, letting you rest against him. “god, i love you too. y/n.”
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mvltisstuff · 9 months
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Hi hun!!! can I do a request for Evan Buckley where reader is getting really stressed at work (she works in fast food or a restaurant, yes I'm projecting lol) and he visits her at work and helps home her down and get her less stressed? just a really fluffy comfort fic, I've had such a terrible day at work I need comfort lol 🫶🫶
this love - e.b
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summary: request
evan buckley x reader
gif from @housewifebuck
a/n: i’m so sorry about your day at work ml. i wanted to prioritize this so hopefully it makes your day a little better. <33 sending you the best wishes
y/n could already tell the day wasn’t going to be kind to her. working at a restaurant where the customers think they own the place can be hell, especially when the managers do nothing about it. she tried to walk in with a smile on her face, but some days it was near impossible.
it didn’t help that buck had to leave for work early today, her not being able to spend time with him before. it killed her not being able to see him or just talk to him. he always made her worries disappear and he was the reason good days were good. he knew all she dealt with, almost being grateful that he ran into fires and didn’t deal with snobby people.
y/n just tried to force herself through her long shift thinking about buck waiting for her when she got home. she so badly just wanted him to be there with her. but, he wasn’t there. so, she dealt with it like always and pushed through people complaining.
it wasn’t until one family walked in, four loud kids and parents who pretended they weren’t there. y/n was, of course, blessed with being their waitress for the night. she could visibly see the discomfort of the people around that table, their faces scrunching up after one of the children yelled once again. it came time for them to order drinks, and the smile plastered on y/n’s face was close to breaking.
“hi guys!” she said sweetly. “i’m gonna be helping you today, any drinks i can get you started with?” the kids didn’t even notice her existence, the dad ordering a large beer and the mother trying to order a drink. y/n could barely hear her over her children speaking way too loud. “and for the kids?”
“oh, yeah,” the mom turned to look at her kids. “hey! tell her what you want.”
“uh…” the boy looked at the menu, trying to pick something to drink as y/n tried to be patient with all of them. she should be in the back right now, getting them their beverages but she’s waiting on people who she can’t even hear. “dr. pepper, please.”
“no,” the mom spoke next. “we didn’t come her for soda, get something else.”
the kid rolled his eyes, giving y/n the same stare like it was her fault. she didn’t blame the kid, clearly the parents didn’t teach their children proper manners in a restaurant. “why?” he complained.
“listen to your mother, cameron,” the dad chimed in, snapping back into reality. “he’ll have a water.”
“alright,” y/n replied, keeping her cool still. she painfully takes the rest of the orders. “i’ll be back with those.”
she lines up all the drinks on the tray, walking back out and passing them to the family. she takes an order for any appetizers, and the kids dig in instantly when they come out. when y/n starts walking away, this old woman pulls her away to her table.
“hello, darling,” she begins, and y/n can already sense what she’s saying. “i’m sorry to bother you, i know you’ve got a lot on your plate, but could you maybe ask them to quiet down?” she questions, motioning to the family.
y/n wants to say yes, appreciating the kindness from the woman. however, the thing holding her back is that the family doesn’t look willing to lower their volume. “i’ll try, ma’am. i’m very sorry about all this.”
“no worries,” she smiles and y/n walks away. she figures she has time to form her question to the family incase they twist her words. when she comes back out to get their dinner orders, she decides to ask them.
“ok, are we ready for entrees?”
“yes, finally,” the mom says, adjusting herself in the seat and beginning. “i’ll do just a chicken breast, like, just the breast, and then a side of avocado.”
y/n looks at her confused, knowing that’s not an option on the menu but attempting to continue anyway. “i’m not sure that’s on the menu, is there anything specifically on there that interests you?”
“well, you have chicken and avocado because it’s in the other dishes,” she sighs. “so i can’t just do that?”
“most of our dishes are prepared ahead of time, so the ingredients are for those spec-“
“alright, can’t you just ask the chef?”
“i have had similar requests, and he’s not allowed to switch things up like that,” y/n starts to get more irritated, wishing she could just order a simple thing on the menu and be done with it.
“fine, whatever,” she rolls her eyes just like her child did. “come back to me.”
“ok, and for you?” she moves to the kids, asking them despite their lack of attention to her. the father is still gandering at the menu, neither of them focusing on their kids. her social battery is running out quickly, being physically drained from this family. she desperately looked at the clock, seeing that the time she was done wasn’t any where near. she sighed, looking back at the kids, hoping maybe they’d notice her now. maybe it was just her, but y/n felt like the kids were getting louder and louder by the second, acting like animals in the middle of the restaurant. their voices were ringing in her ears, completely overwhelming her as she said something to the parents. “i’m sorry, can you guys just get your kids to settle down? we’ve had more complaints from other tables and i just need to take your order to get the food for you.”
“i’m sorry,” y/n could tell by the tone in her voice that it was nothing but sarcasm. “isn’t this a family friendly restaurant? i mean, seriously, first it takes forever to order, and once we do, it’s not allowed to be made! like, who is in charge here?”
“miss, i’m sorry it’s been slow, but i’m just trying to make things as smooth as possible,” y/n says. “and family friendly does not mean this is somewhere to shout and mess around.”
“i’m just,” she chuckles, keeping the scrutinizing tone. “i cant believe the treatment we’ve gotten today, it’s completely ridiculous. how you have a job here still is beyond me. this whole place i’m surprised us still in business.”
y/n can feel the anger bubbling up, watching this woman degrade her and her job in front of everyone. it’s part humiliation, trying to figure out why she’s screaming at y/n in front of the other tables. “alright, listen,” y/n breaks. “i cant stop you from being upset, but if you let me try and help you, maybe we can fix it?”
“this is completely unacceptable,” the woman places her napkin on the table. “get me the person who’s running this.”
y/n turns away, going to find her incompetent boss to deal with them. once she looks all over for her, finding her at the entrance, she starts to talk. “hey, i’m sorry, i have a family here, the one with the super loud kids, the mom wants to talk to you. she’s not happy with me because i told her-“
“i don’t need the story, y/n,” her boss groans, looking at her. “i thought you could handle this.”
“she’s refusing to listen, i don’t know what to tell you,” y/n tells as if it’s not completely different as to how both of them are acting.
“go work downstairs at the bar if you can’t handle doing this,” her boss moves out of the way, just making y/n feel even more embarrassed and exhausted. she feels the families eyes burning into the back of her, trying to cover up the burning in her own eyes. the tears sizzle up on her waterline, but refusing to let them fall. she moves downstairs, hoping the people at the bar are more compliant down there. really, she just wants to go home and see buck.
he knows how hard it is. he’s had his fair share of difficult people, and he always knows how to bring y/n down. she imagines he’s here now, but he only is in her head.
she painstakingly takes drink orders from old dudes who think she’s cute, and orders from people who barely look 21. she pushes through anyway, the clock moving slow as ever. someone must be punishing her, screwing up the time and making it turn distinctly sluggish.
the next time the bell on the door rings, she just turns away, not wanting to handle another person today. she just wants her paycheck and to be done with the day, going home to lay with buck and feel his hands on her skin. some angel from above must’ve heard her, because she saw buck and his team walking into the bar. he normally goes to the other bars, but something told him be bad to see y/n.
normally, she answers a few texts in between waiting, sending him a sweet text or replying to one of his. he’s sent her several, apologizing for leaving so early and how excited he is to see her. no response or anything, just a quick read receipt alarmed him.
she looks at him and makes eye contact, letting her shoulders droop at he sits in front of her. “hi, baby.”
“hey,” she replies. “how was work?”
“it was pretty good, you?” he looks into her eyes, small and tired and he can immediately feel somethings wrong. the rest of the team turns away like they’re not listening, but secretly worried for their friends. “what’s wrong?”
“nothing,” she shakes her head. “what do you guys want tonight?”
“club soda for bobby, old fashioned for me,” she starts to turn away before getting the rest of the drinks, but buck won’t let her. “hey, you ok?”
“i’m fine,” she fake grins. “just let me get started with those.”
“there’s no rush, y/n, don’t worry about it,” buck tries to put his hand on hers, as she just looks down at it. he can see the light sparkling in her eyes, the certain one he never wants to see. “alright, come here.” he leads her behind the counter, pulling her away into the single bathrooms. when the door is finally locked behind them, the tears break in her eyes and they start flowing out. “no, baby, hey,” he swipes a few away, grabbing her hand and pulling her into his chest. “what happened?”
“i’m just doing the best i can and it’s not enough,” she says quietly, muffled by bucks jacket. his heart breaks to hear her sad voice, but he lets her continue. “i’m just trying to pay for my place and for school and it feels impossible right now. like there’s no purpose for me besides letting people get pissed at me at work.”
“listen to me, y/n,” bucks gentle voice starts. he picks his hands up and placed them on the sides of her face. “look at me. you’re always enough. those people aren’t worth any of these tears. i know it’s hard, but i’m here with you no matter what. your best right now is enough. those people are so blind that they can’t see that, and they don’t deserve you one bit.”
his words honestly just make her cry more, relieved to hear his sweet voice and loveliness. “no,” he smiles a bit. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to make you cry more.”
“no, no, thank you,” she looks back up at him and his beautiful face, and he looks at hers. even when she cries and looks broken, her beauty isn’t concealed and he’s here to save her. “i really needed you tonight.”
“if you ever, ever need me,” he gets closer to make sure she gets every word. “im here. always.”
“i love you,” she smiles, and he lands his lips on hers. the sweet taste of him on her lips brings her back down, letting herself relax into his hold. she brings down all her senses, allowing it to just be her and buck for now. all of her thoughts from earlier fade away, just knowing that buck thinks she’s enough.
“so fuck whoever made you feel this way,” he jokes, but not really joking. “say it, c’mon!”
“fuck them,” she smiles.
“there’s that smile,” he grins. “you ready? everyone really wanted to see you.”
“just a minute, tell them i’ll be out.” he nods, moving out of the bathroom to let her collect herself.
“she doing ok?” hen asks, curling her lips with a bit of pity.
“she’ll be ok,” he sits. “people just suck.”
“we’re all here for her,” bobby adds. buck nods, seeing her come out of the corner and going behind the counter.
“y/n!” chim excitedly says. buck loves to see the alluring smile on her face as she greets everyone, happy to make her day shine a little more.
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infiniteinquiries · 5 months
Text
♡ Coffee shop au in which ellie is a barista and knows you like her so she keeps making you increasingly terrible drinks to see how far she can push you ♡
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pt. 2
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(pt. 1 here)
It had been a week since you'd graced The Wayfarer's Roastery. Ellie often thought it was a pretentious name, but here she was, working as a pretentious barista all the same.
It was the kind of set up you'd expect: white countertops and fake golden accents with a smattering of green succulents sprinkled in. You know, the kind of place you pay $8 for a cup of coffee because you're paying for "the vibe". Two comfortable seating areas that were always full, and minimalist back-pain inducing seating for everyone else.
She thought about you a few times that week, wondering if you'd perhaps leave a scathing review or just decide the shop was trash altogether and take your money elsewhere. But on the breaking dawn of a Sunday morning where Ellie was struggling to get through her opening shift, there you were.
You didn't stumble in this time. In fact, you looked quite composed. So put together in fact, Ellie wondered if your outfit and confident gait was some kind of ploy to impress her. Her cheek twitched in amusement, barely visible; you wouldn't have been the first.
"Mm," Ellie hummed in an almost sleepy tone, "back again I see. What can I do for ya?"
She watched as your eyes scanned the menu above her head. She tapped the countertop behind the register absent-mindedly.
"Could I get a Frappuccino? I know some places make those," you smiled, tilting your had sweetly. It was a bit much.
Ellie sneered, taking joy in the fact that she could put you in your place. "This isn't a Starbucks. Do you see a blender back here?" Her words dripped with condescension.
You looked at her, flustered and wide eyed. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know. Um...uh..." Ellie raised an eyebrow at you as you stammered embarassedly, glancing up at the line of customers forming behind you that signaled the start of the morning rush.
Ellie loved messing with women that tried to impress her. She took pride in the fact that she wasn't an easy catch, and being with her wasn't for the weak, especially with her fucked up sense of humor.
"Just...whatever you recommend," you blurted out in her direction. She took note of how your eyes avoided hers, veil of confidence gone.
"Alright then," she sighed, trying to tamp down the urge to laugh as best as possible, "that'll be $8.50".
Ellie's eyes tracked your hands as you dug into your jacket for your wallet. She zoned out as she thought about what monstrosity she could deliver to you next. She was grounded in reality once again when she heard the sound of coins scattering on the countertop.
She coughed to stifle a laugh, biting her lip to keep the sound from escaping. You looked panicked, and she decided that as much as she loved messing with girls like you, she didn't want to ruin your entire day.
Ellie began to calmly set the coins into her palm one at a time, a contrast to your frenzied gathering. Once she finished, she unclasped her fist full of change into your hands, held out pathetically like you were begging for something. The coins were warm as they left her grasp.
"I'll get on that right away," she smirked. A second barista approached the cash register to address the long line as Ellie scooted over to the prep area.
During your exploding wallet dilemma, she had come up with the perfect idea. Subtle enough to taste off, but not to the point she'd get in trouble for it. She whipped you up an iced London fog latte with a tiny dash of lemonade. Something about that combination just felt so wrong it amused her.
She approached the pick up counter, tempted to mispronounced your name but deciding against it.
As she noticed you still averting her gaze, she glanced out of the corner of her eye to see you sluggishly lift yourself from one of the only comfortable chairs and take your drink, mumbling an almost incoherent "thank you".
She giggled quietly to herself as she watched you quickly exit the shop into the cold air, briskly disappearing around the corner once again.
She wondered if you saw the small cheeky note she etched in sharpie under the logo of the roastery that read:
♡ Ellie
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abbysdruidess · 10 months
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𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙙𝙤𝙬, 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 - 𝘼𝙗𝙗𝙮 𝘼𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙖𝙪
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wc: 2.1k
summary: You and Abby meet by chance in the WLF stadium, quickly becoming enamoured with each other. Little do you know, you had met a long time ago in similar circumstances.
tags: angst, slight fluff, suggestive themes, Abby is a soldier in this one, mentions of major character deaths, one use of y/n, previous life soulmates, badly proofread
a/n: as promised, this was the most asked fic from the voting pole - by the way, 250 is INSANE. It's incredible to see so many ppl engage engage with my work.
The title is a line from the Odyssey, bc these classes have to pay for themselves at some point. I listened to Rachel's Song from Blade Runner for about 100 times while writing it, and I suggest listening to it yourself to be fully immersed in the experience<33
Stay tuned bc the cuddling headcanons will drop a day after this one! And lmk if you'd like to see a pt 2 of this universe<3
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one
 The moonlight caressed your lover’s face gently, casting a serene glow over her as she laid next to you. You wondered whether she could feel your gaze on her, as her eyes were closed, appearing as though she was sleeping. You knew her better than that though, knew that whenever she slept, the banes of reality took over and she had a hard time enjoying her slumber. She rarely looked this peaceful.
 Suddenly, her eyes shot open and shot a playful, wicked look at you before grabbing you by the hips and flipping you, now laying on your back as she straddled you. You giggled as you felt her long, silky wisps of blonde hair tickling your neck. 
“Heeeyy” You groaned at her antics. You felt tired, unreasonably so, and perhaps another night you would’ve said nothing but curl next to her and fall asleep in her arms. Tonight though, you felt different, a deep seated instinct telling you to sit with her, cherish her, for you always had time for her but never enough.
“S’ wrong, babe? You looked pretty interested there, see something you like?” Her hands reached up and pinned your arms above the bed, her face mere inches away from yours. It would be pretty easy to reach up and steal a kiss from her pink, plump lips. 
“Of course, dear. I always do.” She lets go of your hands and helps you up, so you’re both sitting on the bed, bathed in the moonlight with the soft breeze that blows in through the window traversing through your hair. You wrap your arms around her waist and lean into her, basking in her pine scent and leaving soft, butterfly kisses on her neck. You feel her guttural sound of pleasure through her skin as she wraps her arms around your tighter.
“What’s on your mind, babe? Been acting weird all day.” She rubbed her hand down your back, as if encouraging you to go on, lay your frustration on her so she could console you with sweet words, then lie back down again and make you forget all about it. 
You visibly tensed up, feeling your hands curling into fists and your breath hitch. “You know what I’m talking about. We’ve talked about this before, dear.”
“Babe I’ve-”
“What you do isn’t safe.” You pull back to look her in the eyes, and her expression reveals it all; grief, regret, yearning. A frown had curled on her face at the mention of the job she had chosen back when she was younger and careless. “I-I know we’ve talked about this so much. But I’m scared of losing you more than I am of anything else. I’m not asking you to stay at home all the time, but I’d be happier knowing that you’re out of harm's way.”
Her career field was known for its heavy casualties-working for the military was no walk in the park, that’s for sure. Part of you wanted her to always be with you, remain in this room forever watching the sunrise and sunset, the season changing. You wouldn't yearn for anything else; just you and Her, intertwined so intimately with one another that your soul merged with hers into one. 
However, you knew that she also sought out the danger herself; she was an adrenaline junkie, and years of combat training had turned her into a genuine war machine, one that was highly requested on the battlefield. She couldn’t help it, to put it simply. To you however, she was the most loving, endearing wife you could ask for. You’d wait for millenia if you knew she’d come home to you, safe and unharmed, longing to cook her dinner and curl up on the couch together.
 Back in the present, you heard her sigh. The knot on your neck became more prominent, and you tried to mentally shoo it away. You’d hate yourself for crying. As she felt your distress, she reached to tuck you back into the space between her neck and her shoulder. 
“I know you’re scared for me, baby. I want you to know that I’ll never forgive myself for making you worry so much for me-you don’t deserve that. Please-please know I’ll always be alright.” She began to stroke your hair, trying to ease you out of your anxious state. She shifted with you in her arms, and you looked up at her in a deep state of thought, as if gathering the proper words for a confession. Finally, she gazed at you with a pained expression, cursing herself for bringing you in such obvious melancholy.
“I have something to tell you.”She uttered, inspecting your face for any sign of tears. Instead she found you looking composed, accepting even. Like whatever it was she was about to tell you, you had come to terms with it. Because you weren’t mad at her-heaven knows you never have been. Perhaps sullen at the cruel humor of fate and the games it had entangled you in.
“You’ve been deployed” You whisper softly, revealing her imminent departure like a well kept secret. She gasps, unsure of what to say. Her azure eyes start to swim in tears, confirming your words more than anything she could say. It wasn’t all that unfamiliar to you. Sooner all later, she would pack her things and travel to some vile hellhole, passing out orders and writing you letters that would be delivered within a month’s notice. And you’d always read them carefully, savoring any segment that was so very her like the finest of wines. You’d remind yourself to be patient, and that good things come to those who wait. 
“How did you find out?” She stumbles, seeking a way to comfort you, to let you know that everything’s gonna be alright even if it’s not.
“The-the letter that came in the mail yesterday. You left it on the coffee table and I-” You can’t bring yourself to go on. What’s done is done anyway. 
“Baby” She cups both your cheeks in her hands, trying to decipher your expression. “Are you angry at me?” You gesture no with your head, your eyes cast downwards in her chest, where a locket rested in between her breasts. 
“M’ not mad. Just, you know, I’ll miss ya.” You reach up to toy with the pendant, rubbing small shapes with your fingers on its cold, metallic surface. She flicks it open and a picture of your wedding day greets you, smiling fondly at the memory. 
“Hey” She starts, “I’ll be back before you know it.” She lies down on the bed, taking you with her, as you lay your face on her pillow, so close your noses bump in a small eskimo kiss. “Don’t I always come back to you?”
You inch closer to her, dipping your hand under her shirt to feel the rhythmic sound of her heartbeat. Right now, as she lied close to you, she had never felt more alive, more vibrant. No matter the circumstances, she always came back to you, one way or another.
“Yeah” You whisper, as you are lulled into a dreamless sleep. “Yeah, you do.”
two
The two aforementioned lovers never met again. For the rest of their lives, they remained in a constant state of yearning for one another, always looking out for the day they would rejoice and celebrate in each other’s arms. It seems however, that that day never came, and their souls couldn’t reconcile. Time after time, the story of the two lovers became partially forgotten, although as tragic as it was, it was no better than the condition of the rest of the world. And seemingly, one could even consider them lucky, for they never had to witness the Cordyceps pandemic of ‘13 and its hellish aftermath. All things considered, surviving in that kind of world would be easy, were they with each other. 
It was in this world that you and Abby met each other, having somehow persevered through all its trials and tribulations; you met her a year or so after she lost her father, and you had just joined the WLF. Somehow, your presence provided much needed comfort to the lone Wolf, and she made sure to look after you in return. The relationship was nothing short of a match made in heaven, as you and Abby understood each other perfectly, more than words could ever yearn to accurately express. 
Sooner or later, you fell into a routine; you would wake up alongside each other, usually laid bare due to last night’s amorous activities, and you’d make her coffee to earn her a few more precious moments of sleep. Once she was out and about, she’d tell you about her daily schedule, and take some time to complain about the endless workload Isaac had encompassed her in. You’d listen solemnly, telling her to stay safe during work and be mindful of her surroundings-you could never bring yourself to utter the famous WLF moto, especially not to her. It felt… strangely macabre.
 At nights, Abby would return, and you would take care of any fresh injuries, or changing the bandages in old ones, always leaving small kisses on them once healed because it elicited quiet giggles out of her. If she wasn’t too exhausted, you’d then make love, slow and passionate and relishing the moment of it all.
 You’d be forever grateful for finding Abby, as she filled you with so much endearment at the smallest gestures, like when she slow danced in the kitchen in the middle of the night with you or when she brought back an antique pendant found in one of her patrols. You kissed her thank you’s for the gift, and turned around so she could put it on you.
 “Lemme see” She muttered as you turned around, and she caught the sight of it between your breasts. “Hmm” She buried her face in the side of your neck. “Looks lovely on you, baby”.
 A couple of years into your relationship, you attended a celebration for the yearly harvest that had turned out exceptionally plentiful. You sat in one of the stadium seats, listening to Jordan and Manny recount a hilarious incident from patrol. You listened to their drunken jabbers, more amused in their hysterical antics than anything. 
Abby watched you from afar, pleased that you seemed content, sipping on some recently fermented beer someone in the stadium had made. It was pretty unpleasant and bitter, but it managed to get her buzzed. 
She suddenly sensed movement on her left and turned around abruptly, coming face to face with Owen. He gave her a noncommittal, friendly smile, holding a glass of something dark and sparkling himself. She smiled back nonchalantly, uninterested in striking a conversation with him. Although there was a part of her that loved him with a sense of brotherly affection, she was still hurt from the way he dealt with her while they were together, always treating her like some afterthought, the butt of a joke she wasn’t privy to. Still, it’s like they were friends.
 “Nice night tonight. Never seen so many people drinking together.” He commented and followed her gaze as she agreed absentmindedly-then followed her gaze back to you. Owen felt slightly resentful of the way she gazed at you, grinning at you enamored, spellbound. 
“You and y/n seem to be getting along well.” He muttered, reaching for a sip of his drink. “Never thought I’d see the day Abigail Anderson would end up whipped.” He joked, gauging for her reaction. Abby felt her face warm up at his words. She never hesitated to admit just how much she loved you, but she had never wondered what others thought of your relationship. 
“Yeah, I-I’m just, you know. It feels strange to me, too. Being so close to a person.” She stared straight ahead, watching as you laughed along with Manny at Jordan’s beer soaked face. She had no idea why she was confessing this to Owen, but he was one of the few people that knew her so well. “It just…comes very instinctively. I never thought I’d have something like that in me.” She gulped the last remnants of her drink from her cup. After her dad’s death, all Abby was filled with was pain and destruction. Your mere presence had been the antidote for her suffering. She’d never felt better.
“I guess we’ll never know where it comes from.” He shrugged casually, trying not to visibly react at her words. 
“Yeah” She muttered. “I guess.”
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captain-mj · 1 year
Note
I really love your Selkie!Soap au. Maybe Ghost could discover a bit more about Selkie culture, and the generational trauma that Soap might have?
YES!! Love this! Direct continuation of the previous post
Ghost brought Soap a deer. Soap stared at it for a minute before laughing. "What do we do now?"
Ghost hummed. "I'll clean it and cook it for you." And you'll fall in love with me.
"I see." Soap smiled. "Need any help?"
"No, I got it. It's bloody work but if you want sit with me..."
So they sat together in the little shed, both mostly quiet but the radio was playing. Soap watched him work and Ghost tried not to glance at him too often. He wore a surgical mask but that was more for cleanliness than anything else.
They ate well, both of them sitting next to each other as the sun set.
Soap ended up stealing some of Ghost's off his plate despite there being plenty of food still in the kitchen but it was fine. He glared at Soap who only smiled at him.
A ringtone sounded and Soap froze. It sounded like a personal one.
Ghost didn't move for a moment, waiting for Soap to pick it up. Soap just stared for a minute, picking at the food for a second before remembering himself and answering.
"Hey, dad."
Ghost perked up immediately. He had heard next to nothing about Soap's dad. He wondered if he was a selkie too. Or something else.
"Yes, sir. I am on leave, but my..." There was a pause before Soap swallowed. "My coat holder commanded I come with him."
Ghost frowned a little, but he stayed quiet.
"Yes. It's new. I haven't had... Yes, sir." Soap was visibly wilting. "I am... He's commanding me back. Sorry, sir." He hung up after a second and quietly put his phone down.
"I take it your dad is not... good?"
"No. I hope you two never have to talk, but its best he doesn't know we're close." Soap rubbed his arm, looking tiny and cold. Ghost scooted closer.
"Are you alright?"
"It's how he always is. He was excited someone has my coat again. That I'm at your mercy. He's a fucking prick." Soap looked down. "My mom can't leave him or else I'd never talk to him again."
"He... has her coat?"
"Yeah. I tried to find it. Took a couple slaps for it. But I never could. Swear I tore that place apart looking."
Ghost pulled Soap closer. "I see."
"He's such a bawbag."
"Is she the only selkie you know?"
"No. I know a few. All of them are like her. Trapped in their positions. Either as a spouse or caretaker or worker or..." Soap sighed. "No choice. No control. Stuck until either the coatholder dies or we get lucky."
Ghost was quiet for a while before reaching over and pulling him closer. "You... want this, right?"
"I do. Don't worry. You gave it back. You're a good man." He leaned into him. "My sister got lucky. She's just human. My other sister is a selkie but dad... protects her a little more. I think it's because she's the baby."
"Coatholder. Is that what you guys call them?"
"Not the most creative name, but yeah. Gets the message across. For a while Master was used but... yeah, it felt just a little too degrading." Soap hummed and shoved the plate towards him. "He'll want to meet you. I can try to lie and keep you from him. I don't... I don't want him to know it's my choice. If he knows..." Soap started to breath heavier, holding on to Ghost.
"Johnny, you're okay. He can't do anything to you."
"It's not me I'm worried about." Soap said softly. "If he gets upset he takes it on her and..."
Ghost winced. This entire situation reminding him just a little too much of his own time growing up. "If your mom had left your dad, would you have grown up a seal?"
"No. She likely would've abandoned me." Soap answered honestly. "It sucks but that's reality. I would've been left with him and my sisters. Can't blame her. She didn't choose to have me."
Ghost frowned and gently touched his chin, making him look at him. He smiled awkwardly. "You know when I came back from the military, the first thing I did was wait in my mom's kitchen."
"Why?"
"For my dad to hit her. He did eventually. He always did. It was all the excuse I need. I dragged him outside and beat him to hell for it."
Soap looked surprised. "Damn."
"Mom kicked me out for it. But she didn't let him back in the house either and that's all that mattered to me." Ghost took a deep breath. "I should meet your dad."
"Simon. You can't beat up my dad."
"I could, but I just think I should meet him. I want to meet your mom too."
Soap didn't look convinced but he nodded. "Alright, Si. Alright." He kissed his hand gently, looking tired. "Mind if we go to bed?"
Ghost hummed. "Course not. I'll see you in the morning."
"I'll be in the spare room, of course." Soap smiled at him, a hint of teasing there.
Ghost followed him like a shadow until he got to his door and then went to his own room.
Once he was in bed, he stared up at the ceiling quietly. He thought of Soap's mom, the gentle voice on the phone and how Soap shrank back.
It must be hard. Trusting Ghost of all people with so much. Even now, the thought occurred to him that it wouldn't be very hard for him to take the coat back. Or even just hurt him. They were alone in the middle of the woods.
And Soap still trusted him.
If it was anyone else, he'd call them an idiot for trusting the Ghost, but he knew as well as Johnny did that Ghost was harmless to him.
Did those other selkies think their human was harmless? Was their first meeting them taking the coat? Demanding so much from them?
Someone had done this before. Soap had mentioned someone had taken it before. On purpose. Had they hurt him? Forced him to do anything?
The idea of a younger Soap being controlled the way Ghost had read about in those stories made him feel sick.
He got up at some point and like the needle on a compass, he pointed towards his north star.
Soap was probably asleep. He also used the spare for a reason. Ghost shouldn't bother him. There were boundaries for a reason.
Soap's sad eyes popped back into his head. The distant look when he talked about the past or the others he knew.
He didn't knock in case he was asleep.
Soap jerked up immediately. "Jesus, Ghost you scared me. Something wrong?"
"Scoot over."
"What?"
"Scoot over." Ghost repeated, staring at him. Both their eyes reflected the light, both finding each other easily.
Once Soap did move over, Ghost climbed in with him. He pulled him safely to his chest and held him.
"No one is ever going to touch you again." Ghost mumbled into his hair. "I'm never going to let something like that happen to you again."
"You don't even know what they did." Soap knew exactly what Ghost was talking about, like always.
"Doesn't matter." Ghost squeezed him. "Never again."
Soap let Ghost hold him, putting his head on Ghost's shoulder. "Get some sleep, Simon. I know you must be tired."
Ghost slept better knowing Soap was safe with him.
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saintrvckwell · 2 years
Text
Not on my knees quite yet, but I was a fool back then (ellie williams x reader) 
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ellie williams x fem!reader
summary: ellie would've saved a lot of time if she stopped avoiding uncomfortable conversations
warnings: angst!, swearing, slight nsfw (kissing), ellie's being a d!ck from time to time
words count: 9.1k
a/n: the last piece i published made cry while writing so naturally (and gladly!) this one made me smile — and laugh. i'm sucker for this sort of trope and i figured i owe you something a lil happier after my previous work. i hope you didn't forget about me.
also! this si an angst and comedic gold at the same time. lol enjoy!
"did I let you down before i can make my peace? so if you're listening now, could you hear me out at least?"
The sun was already down, leaving the moon take its rightful spot. Your boyfriend’s touch was lingering your shoulder as you stood in his living room, mind drifting away from the conversation you were a part of just a second ago. With a polite smile on your face until you caught a sight of her.  There, on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall with a cup of beer in her hand, looking right at you. More than anything, you wanted to press your lips against hers. To stop the world around from spinning. To satisfy that little desire of yours. 
Yet you couldn’t. 
Because that’s not what friends do. And that is what you and Ellie mutually agreed to be. Without realising how much of impossible quest you had given to each other. 
It wasn’t always like that. Not so long ago, staring into her eyes without falling even harder wouldn’t seen so impossible. But not so long ago, the two of you were just friends. Two people who might have been impeccably good at hiding their likings. Two people who used to spend every minute of their days with each other. But those two people truly sucked at having uncomfortable conversations. 
And somehow ended up here. 
“Is everything okay?” your boyfriend’s voice pulled you back to reality, finally breaking off the eye contact with Ellie. 
Your eyes locked, seeing a hint of concern glancing in his. Smile crept up on your lips, sending a nonverbal answers for his worried mind. 
“Do you want a beer?” he asked, offering his cup. 
“No, it’s alright. I'm going to get some water,” you shook your head. 
“Y/N?”
Before you made a single move, his hand swiftly reached out for yours, stopping you. There it was again, the concern. 
“I’m fine,” you smiled, dedicating him the most believable form of fake smile you had in store. 
And once you managed to get out of his sight, you let a frustrated sigh out of your mouth. Closing the kitchen door, you got yourself a few minutes of peace. Few minutes to sort out your shit and pull yourself together. Before he will grow more suspicious, if that was even possible. 
You were here with your boyfriend. Yet you couldn’t stop thinking about her. And those words she shared with you on patrol. 
The two of you hitting the road wasn’t something unusual. Quite the contrary. You and Ellie took almost all of the patrols together, feeling the most safest around the other. From time to time, you ended up taking a route with someone else due to Maria’s schedule system. And although the townsmen of Jackson knew their way around guns, you never felt as comfortable as when you went out with her. You knew each other’s tactics to very last detail. You worked so well together. 
Every other day, just not today. 
Due to awkwardness that’s been floating over your friendship like a dark cloud, you ended having multiple close calls. Usual encounters with runners and clickers that you would handle without a single worry seemed almost lethal this time. The miscommunication and unfinished business you’ve been avoiding for weeks took its toll on you. And had you walking home without a single bullet left in your pocket. 
“I had it under control,” Ellie muttered, anger covered in her words.
“You didn’t have it under control,” you retorted, visibly not in the mood to be having a conversation with her. 
It was supposed be a usual route to check out the stores in a town nearby. One of the shops, a book store, ended up being full of infected. Something that became absolutely normal for you to come across. The two of you wanted to clear the space stealthy, just with different tactics. Both of you went separate directions, unintentionally drawing the attention of runners with your chaotic way of communication. A second later you were quite literally fighting for your own lives with shouted insults filling the air. 
Ellie wanted to run out through a little office space at the back of the store which led to emergency exit while you wanted to go back and took the main entrance since there was too many of runners for you to handle without any casualties. Ellie, as stubborn as she usually was, disagreed with you. More specifically, she didn’t even let you express your disapproval. She simply headed back there, with your yelling echoing the room. You managed to shoot down two more runners when you heard Ellie’s sudden cry for help. 
Needless to say, the worst appeared in your mind. You didn’t know which one of those catastrophic scenarios would be worse. Ellie being dead or bitten with the necessity of you to shoot her to prevent her from suffering? Thankfully, none of those turned out to be reality as you succeeded to save Ellie in the last second. 
Lying on the floor with clicker on top of her, Ellie was trying to reach for her gun tossed in corner of the office room. Not waisting any time, two of your bullets went through that clicker’s head, drops of blood splatted on Ellie’s freckled cheeks. You didn’t even have time to give her proper shit about it. Instead of that, you grabbed the gun, pulled her up and grabbed her hand, getting both of you out of that bookstore. 
As if that wasn’t enough. Once you were back on the street, barricading the main entrance with literally everything suitable, you needed to patch ourselves up. You headed to pharmacy two stores away, hoping to find something usable. You were on foot today and Jackson was more than an hour of walk away. You opened the door, letting the guard down for a second and stepped on the glass shattered on the floor. Ellie’s scream pulled you back to reality, as well as her hand, literally pushing you out of the store. Falling on the cold pavement, you looked at Ellie firing her last shots. 
“Motherfucker,” she mumbled, putting her gun back into her thigh holster.
You spotted the clicker bleeding out on the floor. Worse than that was just that banging coming from the bookstore, letting you both be aware of the fact that the barricade won’t hold for too long. 
“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as she turned to you. “Let’s go,” she walked past you. “Or do you wanna sit around and wait for a bite?” 
She was unbearable. 
As a matter of fact, that’s how you ended up fighting. Halfway to Jackson, because of her snarky attitude and your habit of not letting shit go. 
“I had it under control,” she stopped, looking right at you, fists clenched as she tried to surpass her anger. 
“No you didn’t,” you repeated your previous words — this time with much more resistance. “Because if you had it under control, I wouldn't have to jump over there and save your fucking ass!” 
“Like you’re the one to talk,” she laughed sarcastically. “Why the fuck did you go to that pharmacy in the first place? Previous close call wasn’t enough? Are you feeling suicidal today? Otherwise I can’t explain that fucking reckless decision of yours!” 
“I wanted to find us some bandages!” you explained, pointing you to multiple scratches on Ellie’s hands. 
“How generous of you,” she spoke ironically. “You’re such an idiot, truly.” 
“Am I what?” you whispered. 
“An idiot,” she repeated her words and took a step closer. “An actual idiot.” 
You couldn’t help but laugh over her affectedness. “Well, I’m sorry that I tried to help you!”
“I didn’t ask for it!”
“You’re such a pain in the ass today, seriously. We should’ve taken the main entrance as I told you—“
“Are you seriously going to turn this into a lecture?” she wasn’t even trying to hide her sarcasm. “Do you really feel like you’re in the position to be giving me shit about my bad decisions? You?” 
“What is that supposed to mean?!” you snapped, hands crossed over your chest. 
Ellie stopped for a second and took a deep breath, probably rethinking her whole dedication to have this conversation right now. 
“Nothing, let it go.” 
She responded quietly, breaking off the eye contact and getting back on the road. She didn’t bother to wait for you. In fact, you stood there for another five minutes, watching her silhouette disappear out of your sight. She arrived at the east gate without you, completely ignoring Jesse’s concerned voice asking her about your whereabouts. You arrived twenty minutes after her, not as furious as when she left you there. Mostly just confused by her words. Not in the mood to have a conversation with Jesse, who was visibly puzzled over your and Ellie’s strange behaviour. 
After that uncomfortable patrol, you headed home. Lately, it has been more than odd between the two of you. Even though you’ve made an agreement to be just friends, it didn’t seem like any side would be particularly pleased with that choice. In fact, it only made you more distant. This was just the final nail in the coffin for your friendship. 
You were so mad at her. Mad because no matter what shit she caused, it wouldn’t change the way you felt about her. She could’ve behaved like an absolute asshole, yet would still think of her. You would still give her a chance. Your feelings for Ellie weren’t leaving anytime soon. Which, in the end, made you feel horribly. Considering the fact that your affection towards your boyfriend was nowhere near the one towards Ellie. 
You already felt like the worst person after what you and Ellie did — what ultimately led to this mess. 
Obie was your rebound. Your distraction. Someone who appeared in your life, willing to give you that kind of love you desired to receive from her. And for a moment, you wanted to make this work — while Ellie was dating Cat. During that period of time, the two of you almost never hung out, rather avoided each other.
You’ve been thinking about it for weeks — about that night. About doing the right thing — accepting the consequences. You just didn’t have the guts to do it. You planned it for some time, yet failed every attempt to do so. But Obie wasn’t an idiot and soon enough picked up on your weird behaviour. That’s why he asked you to come tonight. To have fun with him and his friends. 
Which didn’t include Ellie. But she somehow managed to show up here and made you feel even worse. Again. 
You were aware of that poor choice of timing. Yet you couldn’t wait any longer. Appearing back in the living room, you grabbed Obie’s hand, quietly urging him to stop the conversation and head out with you. Taking a quick look around the room, your eyes met with hers. Noticing your intertwined fingers, she drew up, watching you both carefully as you fled the scene. 
Sitting on the stairs on Obie's back porch, second thoughts crept in. As bad as it might sound, Obie represented an insurance. Insurance for you that even if you can’t be with Ellie, you have someone who’s willing to give you the kind of love you demanded. And in some ways, he was your friend. Your occasional patrol partner. And you didn’t to prolong this. More than you already did. 
As soon as you let a frustrated sigh out of your mouth, Obie already knew where this was headed. 
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, feeling too cowardly to look into his eyes. “I really am. I’m aware of the fact that you most likely won’t believe me, though you have every single right for it, but I never meant to hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.” 
“What was it then?” he looked up at you, confused. 
“You liked me,” you whispered. “And I thought that by giving it a chance, I could eventually like you the same way. But I don’t. And you deserve someone who will.” 
“I hope you’re not planning on giving me that heartfelt speech of how much I deserve to be loved,” he mumbled sarcastically. “You should’ve ended this right away.” 
“I know,” you nodded with your tail between your legs. “And I’m sorry.” 
“Well, I guess she’s the winner, after all,” he muttered, getting your attention. 
A confusion was drawn over your face. “What are you talking about?” 
“Ellie?” he laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re so blinded by your own affection that you didn’t notice how much she’s pining for you.”
“She’s not—“ you stopped. “Ellie’s not interested in me. Not like that.” 
“The least you could do right now, is stop lying to me.” 
“I’m not lying to you,” opposed.
“You’re just embarrassing yourself,” he laughed to himself. “Why do you think I brought you here tonight? To prove my point. And I succeeded the second I saw how you were looking at each other. Or did you really think you’re so inconspicuous? Don’t even try to tell me that nothing happened between the two of you. Even if you do, it doesn’t matter anymore. 'Cause I am done with this. With you.” 
“Obie—“
Before you attempted to finish your sentence, the door swung open, letting someone else to join your conversation. 
“There you are!” Jesse exclaimed happily. “We’re gonna play some games, are you guys joining us?” he asked curiously, overlooking the tension between you and Obie. 
Obie didn’t wait a single second. He stood up and left to room in a matter of seconds while you sat there, replaying your previous choice in your mind. 
“Are you going or not?” Jesse’s voice pulled you back to reality. 
You nodded quietly and followed him. 
“Did I interrupted something?” Jesse asked while the two of you walked through the hallway to Obie’s living room. “You guys seemed to be in the middle of—“
“Jesse, can I ask you something?” you blurred out, stopping in the middle of a hallway. 
Curiousness in his eyes served as a nonverbal kind of answer you were looking for. 
“You, Dina and Ellie went out last night, right?” you asked. 
During your morning patrol with Dina, she casually brought up their plan for the evening. She mentioned her, Jesse and Ellie were heading out for a few. She tried to persuade you to join them but staying home felt like a more suitable option for you. You’ve already declined Obie’s offer to go out that morning, when he walked you to stables. 
Jesse nodded. 
“Obie mentioned he was going out with other guys from patrol team. This might sound strange but… do know if Ellie and Obie ran into each other? More specifically — if something happened between them?”
“Hell yeah, I was actually starting to get a little worried, for Obie, of course. He made a few comments and you know Ellie. She wouldn’t just let it go and leave. They had an argument and it escalated into Maria and Tommy pulling them apart before Ellie managed to break his nose, in the better case,” he clarified. “Weren’t you patrolling with her this morning? I’m surprised she didn’t tell you. Considering how much she hates his guts.” 
Somehow, Ellie’s behaviour made much more sense now. 
“What did he say to her?” you mumbled impatiently, craving for answers. 
Jesse sighed, visibly not feeling comfortable in this conversation. “Listen, it’s none of my business. You gotta ask one of them.” 
“C’mon man!” you whined. “You can’t just leave me hanging!” 
“I didn’t hear much of their altercation. But from the parts that I caught, I reckon it was about you. It got pretty ugly for a second, before Maria interfered.”  
You were given what you had asked for, unsure whether this was the sort of answer you wanted. 
A few seconds later, you and Jesse joined others in the living room. Not many people left, mostly just guys from your age group at patrols. Majority of them, including Obie, were sitting on the sofa, except for Dina and Jesse who were snuggling on one of the chairs. And Ellie, who’s presence was somehow different this time — more pleasant. After what you learned from Jesse about the incident, you felt a bit guilty for snapping at her this morning. 
Although the reasons for your actions were justified. It was the anger and frustration bubbling inside you for the past few weeks that got triggered by Ellie’s stubborn persona and her need to have the last word. You had every single right to be furious with her, but right now — you couldn’t bring yourself to it. 
So when your eyes were struggling to find hers, minute after you appeared inside, your heart sunk deep into your stomach. You wondered if seeing you and Obie disappear was the straw for her. If this was all she needed to be done with you. Maybe she left, choosing the comfort of her little shed in Joel’s backyard. A part of you wanted to run after her. To get the answers, to stop this madness. 
Until you found her. Coming from the kitchen, she immediately saw you. A momentary smile was brought to your lips over that sudden sight of her. A momentary smile that she managed to spot and frown, confused. 
Redness in your cheeks forced you to look away and sit down on the carpet, trying hard to avoid locking eyes with her. Unfortunately for you, her steps led to the same place you took. With all the space left to choose, she still sat down right next to you, her thigh casually brushing against yours, sending shivers down your spine.  You didn’t dare to look at her, though you knew her eyes were all over you. 
When you finally took the courage to do so, your eyes met with Obie’s. The kindness was gone for good once you spotted the viciousness aimed at you while his eyes danced from yours to Ellie’s.
Then Dina offered to play spin the bottle. The four of you had your own version, mostly just forcing the chosen one to do the stupidest shits for fun. The fact that this wasn’t the silly version you created in Ellie’s house became obvious the second Obie made his turn. This version, completely followed by his rules somehow turned to be his own form of vendetta. 
Especially once the bottle pointed at Ellie. 
“Fuck me,” she cursed under her breath. 
Point of the original game was simple. The one spinning the bottle chooses the task for the selected one. Nothing's off limits and in case the player decides to refuse to finish demanded task, they have to handle a piece of clothing as a form of penalty. 
“I’m all in for happy endings,” that smile pictured over his face reminded you of Cheshire Cat. 
Ellie sighed with annoyance, definitely not having the time of her life. 
“So how about you give that best friend of yours a little kiss? Or a big one. That’s totally up to you,” he grinned, sipping from his cup of beer. Visibly proud of what he was trying to achieve. “I’ll watch it anyway.” 
For a second, you thought you might deserved to get this treatment from him. He was hurt by your actions. But not in any case, he had a single right to take out his anger on Ellie.
You stole a glance at her and noticed she was taking off one of her Converse sneaker. Without a single word, she tossed it right at him. 
Cold sweat covered your body, realising what she just did.
Obie caught her shoe, slimy grimace on his face. 
“And to think you wanted to break my nose for this,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Guess it wasn’t worth it after all. If this is what you want, then I'm happy for that sudden change of heart. But spare a thought for your best friend, she probably just got her heart broken.” 
As soon as those words left his mouth, Ellie’s eyes met with yours, noticing the slight disappointment you tried so hard to cover up. You looked away, taking a deep breath. You didn’t want to make this any more embarrassing — knowing that’s exactly what Obie was hoping to achieve. Getting up and storming out the house wouldn’t be the smartest choice considering your current reputation so you stayed. Trying so hard to avoid Dina and Jesse’s confused looks pointed at you and Ellie. 
As the rounds went on, so did the tasks. Dina and Jesse had to make-out which seemed rather ridiculous to you, considering they were doing this 24/7, mostly to annoyance of others. You sat on the floor uncomfortably, watching the two of them almost eat each other’s faces. For a second, you caught a sight of Ellie who shared mutual feelings till the moment she spotted you. Disgust was replaced with concern before you turned away. 
For some reason, the bottle never pointed at you, much to Obie’s obvious disgruntlement. Must have been a blessing in disguise that saved you from one of his vicious tasks. Ellie, on the other hand, wasn’t as lucky as you. And whenever the bottle stopped at her, Obie happened to be the one choosing the tasks. The second time she was dared, he ordered her to answers how many of her girl-friends she had kissed to which she replied by taking off her other shoe.
By the time the clock turned twelve, Ellie ended up totally barefoot, losing even her socks. You couldn’t help but wonder why did she choose to stay? Knowing how much she despised him, you thought she’d leave after that first task he came up with. But she stayed, losing pieces of her clothing as she refused to give him what he wanted. 
It couldn't even be more embarrassing for you. Another two tasks ended up being somehow connected to your and Ellie’s relationship. You hated yourself for how much you told him about the two of you as it has become the perfect weapon for him to use. Making this whole night an unbearable experience for the both of you, but mostly Ellie. Who got the worst of it. 
Eventually, he ran out of ideas. So when Jesse proposed to play seven minutes in heaven — right after Ellie got most of her belongings back, he couldn’t be more pleased with that offer. Obie as per usual, had to have his own rules. He declared to be the one choosing the couples to go into his pantry. Knowing how much he was enjoying the situation, you expected the worst outcome. 
You sighed, looked right at him, sitting in the middle of the sofa, looking around to find his next target. The second his eyes landed on you, there wasn’t any pleasing result coming out of this. 
“How about you, Y/N?” he asked, fake sympathy in his voice. “I feel like you’ve been pretty neglected tonight,” he mentioned, eyes pointing at Ellie. 
You knew she was looking at you, but didn’t dare to assure yourself of that assumption. 
“How about we spin the bottle to find your—“ he didn’t even finish his sentence. 
Especially the second Ellie grabbed your hand and pull you up with her, forcing you to almost trip over your own feet. 
“No need for that,” she mumbled, not even bothering to look at him. 
Instead of that, she dragged out through to hallway, right into his kitchen. Letting the anger bubble up.
“Could you slow down?” you uttered, trying to stop Ellie. 
Though she heard you, she didn’t bother to obey. Once she reached the pantry, she opened the door and pushed you in, her hand still holding yours. 
“You do realise you could’ve just closed the kitchen door? We didn’t have to be stuck in here,” you whispered. “It’s not like he is going to get his ass out there to check it out.” 
There wasn’t even the slightest concern towards your words. Instead of that she dropped your hand, taking a step closer to you, not leaving you any room for potential disagreement. Instead of that, she filled every inch of your comfort zone with her presence, grabbed your cheeks and pressed her lips against yours. 
Without a single warning. 
It lasted a second. A second that still managed to make it feel like a lifetime. A second that brought up all those memories from that night. That night that caused the two of you to grow apart.
It was shortly after Ellie called it quits with Cat. That evening you were at Joel’s house. You and Jesse offered to help move around some furniture in his living room and ended up having a dinner with him, Tommy and Maria. And, surprisingly, Ellie showed up. Overwhelmed with everything that happened over the past few days, she decided to accept Joel’s offer to join. She initially went there for new patrol schedule Maria left at his place. But once she saw you there, she couldn’t leave. 
It was for the first time in weeks that the two of you got to talk. Both of you knew you needed to sort things out, once and for all. And Joel’s dinner turned out to be the best opportunity for it. You spent the whole dinner chatting and enjoying each other’s presence the way you used to. After that, Ellie spontaneously offered you to spend a night at her place, reviving one your oldest traditions. 
“I didn’t bring my stuff with me,” you laughed while you were standing on Joel’s back porch. 
“That didn’t stop you before,” she grinned. “I can lend you my space t-shirt.” 
Your eyes lightened. Ellie’s space t-shirt was a piece of clothing that you absolutely adored. Blue shirt with solar system that Ellie found in one of the stores nearby during one of your patrols. Both of you had your eyes on it and she offered to sort the true winner with a game. So you rock-paper-scissored it and Ellie won. Though you were still convinced she was cheating which was why she never lent it to you. 
“You mean the one I rightfully deserve?”
“Since when?” she mumbled sarcastically. “Are you gonna mention that—“
“That you cheated? Yes, I will,” you laughed. “Ellie you had paper and changed it to scissors in the last minute—“
“If I lend you that t-shirt, will you finally shut up about it?” she stopped you by stepping closer, smile dancing on her lips. 
An hour later you were sitting on Ellie’s bed. You decided to watch one of her all time favourite movies but just after twenty minutes in, Ellie confessed she broke things off with Cat. Out of nowhere, she spilled it, forcing you to stop the movie and take a proper look at her. She explained you how this was the right call and she’s okay — because that’s what you wanted to know in the first place. If she was alright. 
The two of you weren’t the most affectionate kind of friends but you couldn’t help this time. You moved closer, crossing to her part of the bed and leaned closer. Whispering a quiet sorry you pulled Ellie into a hug, knowing damn well you should’ve kept your distance considering your own unresolved feelings towards that auburn haired girl. 
This was an exception you had to make. Her hands immediately wrapped around your waist, pulling you even closer, your bodies brushing against each other. You were lying there in the darkness on Ellie’s side of the bed while her hands stayed pressed on your body parts. You felt her lingering touch on your hip and realised, now more than ever, how much you like being closer to her, physically. She was right behind you with her face snuggled into your neck and breath dancing on your skin, sending shivers down your spine. 
You knew this wasn’t what friends were supposed to do. Yet there wasn’t a single bone in your body that would pull away from this. You slowly closed your eyes, trying to keep this memory of the two of you in your mind. 
When Ellie broke off the silence. 
“I saw you around town with Obie,” she whispered. “Jesse said that you guys are dating.” 
The last thing you wanted to talk about was Obie. Obie who served as your form of escape from your feelings towards Ellie. 
“We went out a few times, it’s fresh,” you mumbled, noticing the grip around your waist has loosened. 
Cold sweat covered your body. You didn’t want to lose her, in any way. Physically or mentally. 
“I don’t know if we’re dating. Nor if I want to,” you whispered. 
“Why’d say that?” Ellie wondered. 
“Let’s just say the first kiss wasn’t something I’d want to repeat,” you uttered, hearing Ellie’s muffled laugh. 
You turned around, curious to see her reaction. A grin pictured on her face was enough for you to roll your eyes. 
“I knew he was a bad kisser,” she grinned.
You laughed sarcastically. “How the hell would you know that?” 
“Because he’s a guy,” she shrugged her shoulders. “Guys are not good at kissing. At least not as good as me.” 
“Alright, Ms. Pretentious,” you shook your head, still laughing. “I think Dina would disagree with that statement.”  
“That’s because she never kissed me,” Ellie winked at you.
A second later, the two of you burst into laughter. 
“Poor Dina then,” you mumbled, wiping away your tears dramatically. “Poor me. If only I had kissed you before I had that horrendous first kiss—“
“Wait,” she stopped you. “It was your first kiss?” that pure shock in her voice confused you. 
“Yeah, I just told you that my first kissed sucked,” you laughed. 
“But I thought you meant first kiss with him,” she shook her head. “Not that it was your first first kiss.” 
Silence settled across the room once again. 
“Man, that really ruined the whole mood,” she mumbled. 
Unbelievable gasp left your mouth. You reached for the pillow underneath you, hitting Ellie in the face. 
“Hey!” she grabbed the pillow, laughing. “It’s not my fault you have poor taste in men.” 
“Fuck you,” you frowned, turning your back at her.
Ellie’s hand touched your shoulder as she tried to turn you around. 
“C’mon, Y/N,” she chuckled. “It was a joke.” 
“If I have a poor taste in men, then you surely have a poor sense of humour.” 
She giggled, enjoying the situation. She gave it a few tries to force you to look at her but ended up lying down next to you, defeated. 
“Let me make it up to you,” she whispered, catching your attention. 
It was the curiousness that led you to turn to her face, just a few inches away from yours. The closeness between your faces was driving you crazy. Adrenalin was running through your veins the second her hot breath brushed against your lips. You tried more than ever to keep your shit together while looking into her eyes. 
“How?” you dared to ask. 
“By giving you the kind of first kiss you deserve.” 
You heart skipped a beat. 
Now more than ever, you had to hold it together. 
“I already had that one,” you whispered. 
“Yeah well, how about I give you mine as well,” she moved closer, devilish grin settling on her face. “Then, you can decide which one was better.” 
You’d be foolish to have any sort of objections. Considering the fact how much you wished for her to be your first kiss. How much you wished for her to look at you the way she used to look at Cat. How much you wanted Ellie to love you. The way you loved her. 
That tension was undeniable. Ellie slowly leaned closer to your face, the tips of your noses almost touching. She was observing every single detail of your appearance, not rushing anywhere. Even the smallest birthmark seemed interesting enough for her at this moment. You’ve never felt so vulnerable. So loved as you did the moment her lips met with yours, causing an immeasurable amount of arousal explode in your body. 
Understanding the fact that it was your first, proper kiss, she tried her best to make you feel as comfortable as possible. You always knew she was much more experienced than you which, in the end, made you feel better. Feeling that gentle touch of hers, feel her lips moving against yours. Whatever your idea was it wasn’t half as good as the reality. Reality that dawned on you the moment she pulled away. 
Still staying closer, she licked her bottom lip, letting that devilish grin back. 
“So?” she asked, already sensing what answer she’s getting. “Which one of your first kisses turned out to be better?” 
And you wanted to get back at her so badly. 
“Tough call,” you confessed.
Your words brought sudden confusion to her eyes. 
Didn’t take her long to realise what you were up to. 
“Tough call, you say?” she repeated your words, starting to close the distance, again. “Think I need another try to show you who’s the obvious winner.” 
“I think you do.” 
This time, she wasn’t holding back. Within seconds, she was sweeping her tongue between your lips, forcing a quiet moan to leave your mouth. She smiled to herself, grabbing both of your cheeks to pull you closer and deepen the kiss. You couldn’t describe any of those feelings running through your veins. A wave of arousal exploded in your body every time her tongue brushed against yours. More than anything, you were craving Ellie. Craving her touch, craving her kisses. 
One kiss turned into another and before you knew it, you were sitting right on top of her, passionately kissing her while her hands were discovering the unknown places of your skin. That night you lost almost all your boundaries. Nothing would’ve stopped you from reciprocating every single kiss of hers. Shortly before sunrise, you fell asleep with Ellie tight grip around your waist and her lips tracking every inch of your neck. 
Hoping this feeling of euphoria would last forever. 
That, of course, required Ellie not to disappear in the morning. When you woke up, shortly after eleven, Ellie’s side of the bed was empty. Not leaving a single note behind, she took off. As the yesterday's remorse was slowly taking its rightful spot, you grabbed your belongings and left her house. You were supposed to see Obie that night as the two of you planned to have another date yet it seemed as Ellie’s presence wasn’t leaving your mind anytime soon. 
As well as the unknown reason as for why she ghosted you. Though, you can’t say that your actions would be telling a different story. Not knowing how to face what you did, you accepted the same kind of tactic — pretending as if it never happened. Which, turned to an absolute nightmare. You knew doing what you did that night would’ve hurt you. But you didn’t expect that amount of madness to take over your mind. 
Every time you were patrolling together in deadly silence, you thought of that night. You thought of her lips finding their way to yours. You thought of her lingering touch sending shivers down your spine. You were screwed, more than ever. 
Especially once she stated that it was just a friendly thing. It was your first actual conversation since that night when Ellie proposed the two of you should not make a big deal out of it. A sentence that swiftly managed to break your heart and drive you right into Obie’s arms. Her words crushed you but more than that you wondered if that’s all you ever were for her. Just a friend. 
Now she was standing right in front of you, pulling her lips away from yours. 
And all of those feelings inside you were ready to explode. 
“What the fuck was that?!” 
You didn’t even bother to keep your voice down. You pushed her away, anger rising within you. 
“What do you mean?” she whispered, properly taken aback by your reaction. 
“What do you mean?” you repeated after her. “What do you think, Ellie?” 
“Alright, now I’m confused,” she admitted. “I thought that you—“
“You thought what? That you had a right to do this?” you shook your head. 
“Well, considering the look your were giving me while your fucking boyfriend was sitting a feet away—“
“Excuse me?!” you were losing all your temper. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Ellie?” 
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” she couldn’t help but laugh. 
“You didn’t have one nice word for me this morning on patrol and suddenly you feel an urge to kiss me?”
You couldn’t believe how lightly she was taking this whole situation. 
“Thought I could win back my socks.” 
That was all you needed to reach for the doorknob. 
“I’m done—“
“No, no, no! Y/N, wait!” Ellie jumped right in front of you, forbidding you from leaving. 
You didn’t want to look into her eyes but just like any other case — no matter how much you tried, you couldn’t resist. 
“I’m sorry,” she whispered — honesty in her voice.
There it was, the guilt in her eyes. 
“I’m sorry. Fuck, it was a joke,” she mumbled, all nervous. “Please, stay.” 
And you realised, this might be the only opportunity for you, to sort things out. 
So you took a step back and leaned against one of the cupboards. Giving it all one last shot. 
Ellie eased up a bit, most likely rethinking all of her previous statements. For a second, it was quiet. With her, immersed in her thoughts and you — trying to find the right approach to this. 
“Is it all a joke to you?” you whispered, wondering out loud. 
Your words forced her to look into your eyes, facing her crimes. 
“This, me and you, us. The kiss.” 
Her eyes lightened up like the stars. 
“Was it all a joke to you, Ellie?” 
And then faded away.  
“I don’t know whether you care or not but it was never a joke to me—“
“Then why were you with Obie?” she interrupted you. “If it wasn’t a joke, why did you went out with him that night? The night after I kissed you?” 
There was pain her voice, though she took a mighty effort to cover that. She did it most of the time. Ellie always struggled with her vulnerability — mostly not knowing how to handle it properly. But you could always see right through her and she knew it. 
“Why are you with him now, Y/N? When he’s acting like an absolute piece of shit—“
“Like you should be the one talking,” you mumbled sarcastically. 
Hitting the right spot. 
Ellie’s eyes widened over that sentence, not even trying to hide her pain this time. 
Which you realised, just two seconds later and let out a frustrated sigh. 
“I’m sorry,” you said softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. It’s my fault he’s taking out all his anger on you.”
“I doubt that,” Ellie chucked quietly. “He was never a big fan of mine, if you haven’t noticed.” 
You caught the weird vibe from them but paid no mind. Looking back, maybe you should have. 
“I heard you two had a falling out last night,” you admitted, drawing even more of Ellie’s attention. “He didn’t told me. Jesse did.” 
You answered the implied question. 
“And did he tell you what was the reason?” Ellie asked carefully. 
There wasn’t need to bring up what you knew from Jesse. You wanted to know the truth, directly from her — that’s why you shook your head, giving her an opportunity to speak up. 
“I never really cared for him, until the two of you started dating,” she avowed. “I picked up on his hostility towards me pretty soon but until yesterday, I didn’t realised how much he despised me. I didn’t even want to go out, but Dina insisted. I wanted to leave as soon as I saw him. He had a lot to say. Mostly giving me shit for making you feel so miserable. He made it very clear you’re not available.” 
“For who?” 
“For me,” she said softly. “He told me to stay the fuck away from you, to which I asked him if he finally managed to improve his kissing skills.” 
Maybe it was the result of everything that happened today or a pure madness that forced you to absolutely lose it over that statement. Either way, it took one look into each other’s eyes for both of you to burst out in laughter. 
For a split of second, all the tension was gone. Once it again, it felt so easy. So simple. Like those endless nights in her little shed. 
“You’re such an idiot,” you mumbled between laughs. 
She felt relief, seeing a smile appear on your face — even more, knowing she was the reason. 
“He’s an idiot,” she replied with a grin on her lips. “After that, the only thing he could do was call me a slur and I sorta lost it—“
“And nearly broke his nose?” you finished her sentence. “Heard that part.” 
Ellie gave you a fleeting smile before she looked away, hypnotising her black sneakers. 
“Well, me and that idiot broke up,” you confessed, seeing her eyes lighten up once again. “And the only reason I went out with him that night was because I thought you didn’t want me. Not the way I wanted you. I figured that was probably why you disappeared without a single world — wanting to avoid the awkward outcome.” 
Now, she was the one in loss for words. 
“I'm sorry about what he called you at Seth's,” you whispered. “And I’m sorry for what he did tonight.” 
“He just saw the opportunity and he took it. It doesn’t matter,” Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Y/N. It never was.” 
“I know, but still—“
“Y/N, shut up, I’m serious,” she laughed. “Stop being such a people pleaser.” 
You felt slightly offended over that statement and she noticed. Just two seconds later, as soon as she saw the look in your eyes. 
“I didn’t—“ she whispered. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 
You nodded quietly, still glancing at the tips of your sneakers. 
“Fuck,” she cursed under her breath, rubbing her cheeks.
There it was again, the silence. And for a minute you thought that maybe this was to closure you were longing for. Just for a minute. 
“Do you wanna get out of here?” 
Before she spoke again. 
“We probably already waisted our seven minutes, so…“
“No, dumbass, I meant—“
“Seriously?” you stopped her, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. 
She clenched her fits, taking a deep breath. 
“Y/N,” she whispered, “I meant get out of this house. I’ve had enough of stupid games and jealous boyfriends for one evening. Let me take you the hell out of this place. And fix this night while I still can.” 
She was a feet away from you, but you could still see that glimpse of desire glancing in her green eyes. And no matter how much you tried, Ellie was too hard to resist. Especially in this moment. 
A to be completely honest, you weren’t particularly keen on the idea of going back to the living room and face Obie and his bizarre vendetta tricks. A part of you already regretted going here in the first place — just a part, the rest was glad for that choice since it brought you and Ellie back together.
Ellie, whose hand was currently holding yours while she was trying to quietly sneak you out. She reached for her jacket on the hanger in the hall before she grabbed the doorknob and pulled you both out of that haunted house. Just as you crossed the doorstep, you thought of Jesse. 
If it wasn’t for him and his impolite barging in, you and Ellie might never had this conversation. You could’ve gone home. Never knowing that you could’ve found an answer. And a solution. There was a guilt in you, for not saying goodbye to him — you felt like you owed him that. 
But within seconds, you forgot about all of them. Because the only thing you could possibly think of was her. Ellie, whose hand was still holding yours as you were walking down the streets of Jackson town. You wondered if she did intentionally or simply paid no mind. You didn’t dare to ask or have any sort of objections — you were enjoying it more than you probably should. 
There it was again, that feeling of simplicity. Hand in hand in the middle of the night, you thought of all those walks you and Ellie used to take. From time to time, when the two of you had a sleepover at her house and one of you couldn’t fall asleep, you’d took the flashlight and go out. Occasionally, you even traded the streets of Jackson for the world behind the gates. 
Though, you were always very careful. You were aware of the growing tension between Ellie and Joel and knew that if one of Maria’s patrol men saw the two of you outside, they would certainly bother to share this information with him — causing Ellie even more trouble that she already had. 
That’s why you mostly took midnight walks around her small neighbourhood. Sometimes even till the sunrise. Sometimes you spent hours talking, the other days you chose the enjoy each other’s presence in silence. And when Joel and Ellie stopped talking, you took these walks nearly every day. 
You knew Ellie had nightmares. The bags under her eyes, the sadness in her face — you saw it every morning on patrol. And then she showed up at your house, at three fifteen in the morning, all sweaty and shaking. You walked around yours this time. You held her hand and kept talking. About everything that could keep her mind off that. That could keep those nightmares away. 
You always took her back home. Tucked her in and sat at the edge of her bed till she fell asleep. Waited an hour to make sure those nightmares were not coming back. Only then you would go back to your place — after you knew that she was going to be alright. After you knew she was safe. 
Ellie had a special place in your heart. And there was nothing in the world that could chance that. 
No matter what happened between the two of you. She was sitting next to you right now, on the stairs of Joel’s back porch and you knew that if she got one of those nightmares again, you wouldn’t leave. You would stay there and hold her hand till she falls asleep.
“So this was your idea of fixing the night?” you asked, squeezing the beer bottle in your hand. 
She brought you into her backyard, sneaked into Joel’s house and stole two beers from his fridge. 
“How is this any different from sitting at Obie's porch?” 
“That dick you dated is not here, that’a first bonus,” she grinned. 
“And where’s the rest?” 
Ellie couldn’t help but chuckle. 
“You're really hard to please,” she laughed. “I wanted to spend time with you without risking any of those douchebags barging in.” 
“You didn’t seem to care about that when you kissed me.” 
That was a risky move. 
Ellie put the beer bottle down, taking a deep breath. 
“We don’t have to talk about that,” you whispered. “Again.” 
Though you wanted it. You wanted it so badly. To get a clear answer from her, once and for all. 
“I wanted to kiss you.”
There it was. 
“In the living room, in front of him. After what he said, a part of me wanted to just shove it down his throat. Get that fucking grin off of his face.” 
In all honesty, you struggled to pay attention to the rest of her speech after you heard the first sentence. 
“But it wasn’t worth using you. I didn’t want you to think I kissed you, because I wanted to prove a point.” 
You nearly got it.
“Then why did you want to kiss me?”
For a second, she looked into your eyes. “You know why.” 
Nearly. 
“No, Ellie. I don’t,” you whispered. “You might be surprised, but I have no idea why you do what you do. Because you never give me a clear answer—“ 
Not even bothering to let you finish your frustrated statement, she closed all the space left between the two of you and smacked her lips onto yours. 
“If you’re gonna say that this is a clear answer, Ellie, I swear to God—“
“I wanted to do this the night I saw you in Joel’s dinning room. And morning after that, when I saw you sleeping on the other side of my bed. And then again, every single time I saw you walking around the town with him," she admitted. "It was driving me crazy, because I loved you, Y/N. I love you so much. And that’s the first and foremost reason as for what I did this. Today or any other day.” 
Almost there. 
“Then why did you leave?” you whispered the only thing on your mind. The one thing that’s been bothering you for weeks. 
“Because I panicked,” she confessed. “I went out because I needed to clear my head — I didn’t know where we stand, where you and Obie stand. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should go back and if so — what to say. And when I saw you that night with him, I figured. Or at least I thought I did — until tonight.”
“You could’ve just ask me!—“
“And then what?” she interrupted you. “Was I supposed to beg you to break up with him? I felt like a selfish asshole just thinking about it.”  
And then it all got to you. Weeks of avoidance, days of sleepless nights when the thought of her didn’t seem to leave your mind. The anger and frustration that you subconsciously tried to bottle up exploded. 
Right into her face.
“You're such an idiot!” you bursted out. “Oh my god!” 
It was safe to say that this wasn’t the kind of answer Ellie was hoping for after opening up to you. Hell, this was nowhere near what she was expecting. That sort of reaction caught her off guard — that was for sure. At least according to that confusion that appeared in her eyes, leaving her in an absolute loss for words for nearly twenty seconds. 
“Excuse me?” she frowned.
“This was the moment you chose not to be selfish? You’re such a dick, Ellie!” 
In your defence, you didn’t give yourself much time to rethink those words before they left your mouth — in fact, none. The ire got the best of you, it definitely wasn’t your finest moment. Though, no one would probably dare to blame you. 
“You knew I was with him because—“
“Well, I know it now!” she mumbled sarcastically. “This is so fucking stupid.”
“Tell me about it.” 
Every time you felt like you could finally reach the end, another obstacle emerged. The frustration felt never-ending. As if the two of you were walking in circles — again and again. Till one of you finally decides to make it stop. 
“You wanna know where we stand? Well, so do I. And we’re never gonna get there if we’ll keep pointing fingers at each other,” you expressed. 
“You’re the one calling me names.” 
There it was again, the sarcasm. She was making difficult for you to stay patient. 
“Ellie!—“
“Just wait here,” whispered and within seconds, got on her feet and headed towards her little house. 
You obeyed, most due that confusion caused by her sudden resolute action. You stayed there, sitting on Joel’s cold stairs, replaying the events of tonight in your mind, till she hove into view again — this time with a piece of clothing in her hand. 
That landed in your lap as soon as she sat down next you.
“Is that…” you stopped to take a better look at it. 
Crumpled blue fabric that was slowly fading. Yet the solar system was still quite visible — enough for you be taken aback and pause for a second to process that. You needed a few seconds.
“The space t-shirt.” 
You looked into her eyes, determined to find the answer. 
“Why are you giving this to me?” 
Why here? Why now? 
There was way too many questions running through your head.
“I listened to you and I’m choosing a better moment for my unselfishness,” she replied softly. “I also might have considered that strange theory of yours…“
“Pardon me? It’s not a strange theory. I was the rightful winner from the beginning—“
“Yes you were,” Ellie admitted, nodding with a smile on her lips. 
Which caught you by surprise. The look in her eyes, the spark shinning again.
“And I’m sorry it took me so long to realise that.” 
Finally. 
“It was yours from the beginning. And if I wasn’t so stubborn and overthinking everything, it could’ve been yours long time ago. I wanted nothing more than that.” 
“I really hope we’re not talking about the t-shirt anymore.” 
All the seriousness she was building up disappeared the second those words left your mouth.
“I was trying to be romantic!” Ellie mumbled between laughs. “You’re such an idiot, Y/N.”
“Romantic my ass! That’s the second time you called me an idiot today!” 
“Because that’s who you are,” she whispered, devilish grin on her face. 
You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes, annoyed.
“Seriously, this is the worst attempt—“
“But you’re my idiot,” she leaned to you, closing the space once again. 
Again and again until her hands reached your cheeks as she pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. 
“Unless you don’t want to be,” she whispered into your lips. “My idiot.” 
“Ellie, it took you weeks to say this, are we sure I’m the idiot here?” 
She saw the sneer on your face. 
“Shut up,” she chuckled, pecking your lips. “I love you. Is that good enough for you?” 
“We’ll see. Do you have any better, less degrading nicknames for me?” you mumbled sarcastically. 
You felt her breath dancing on your cold cheeks as she slowly leaned in, ready to kiss you again. “Wanna find out?” 
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sneaky-geeky · 1 year
Text
What if everyone in Limited Life felt their time differently. Lives not measured only in minutes and seconds, but in something else. Something unique. Something that had followed them though all the games before, and now counted down to their next death.
(4,283 words)
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For Grian, it’s the sun. He has a sundial, small enough to fit in the palm of his hand, and whilst he knows how to read it, he’s not exactly clear how it’s meant to show him how many hours he has left. As far as he’s aware, and he double checks just to be sure, the sun is moving just as it always has, and under a cloudless midday, there should be only the smallest sliver of shadow. But that’s not what he sees when he pulls it out to check. The shadow is long and dark and tells him that it’s barely past dawn. He triple-checks the sun again, just to be sure, but it remains high in the sky, and so he turns instead to the horizon. There, only visible when he squints, is another sun, smaller and coloured a deep, dark red.
It rises quickly as his hours tick by, and soon he doesn’t have to pull out the sundial to locate it, hanging ominously in the sky. Even at night it burns, its harsh light a counterpoint to the moon’s cold glow, and a constant reminder of his times slow passage. By the time he turns yellow it’s nearing its height and begins to burn almost as bright as the other sun which had continued its normal rotations through the sky. And then it begins to descend and as his final life approaches, he gets to witness the most beautiful sunset. This small red sun which represents each moment of his life lights the very sky on fire, a blood-coloured glow which dominates the sky through night and day. There’s no escaping it, with each passing moment it sinks further below the horizon, and the sundial he now holds in blood-coloured hands shows him precisely how little time he has left. His own mortality hangs above his head in glorious colours, but he knows the rules better than anyone and he will break them however he has to to extend that sunset a little longer.
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For Scott, it’s the stars. During the days he can almost force himself to forget that now more than ever before, they are all doomed to die, but as the night closes in he has no choice but to face reality. During the first hours of this game, he notices no change, the night sky remains as illuminated as it ever was. His first sign that something is wrong is as he idly traces a constellation, but his eyes are caught up short as he notices that a star is… missing. He tells himself that it can’t be right, he must be looking at them wrong, or there’s some cloud blocking his vision, but no matter how he squints the star is just gone, and it only gets worse from there.
Each night the deep black of the sky stretches further, with fewer and fewer stars to break up the unending void. With each passing minute, another one blinks out of existence. He even sees it happen a few times, his heartbeat beating in time with the ticking clock inside him causing another star to burn away. As the hours pass and even he, once known for his mercy, is forced to do whatever he must to hold on a little longer, Scott realises that he no longer recognises the sky above him. The stars have become few and far between, leaving only the unkind void watching over him. He fights under unfamiliar constellations now, and as his time reaches its final gasping breaths, those last stars abandon him too. When his time at last runs out, above him hangs only the unknowable.
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For Pearl, it’s the moon. From the moment this new world began she knew that. The first night, before even an hour had passed, it hangs heavy and full and bright above her head. Nights like this one always made it hard for her to sleep, when the clear moonlight illuminated the world in silvers, and she chose to not even try and rest, instead lying in dew-soaked grass soaking in the light. For a second it brings her back to nights far up in a tower, alone save for the furred warmth of a dog by her side, watching the skies for any sign that she was not to blame, but that was another world. Here it’s a fresh start, and despite knowing otherwise she can manage to convince herself that she has all the time in the world as a full moon hangs above her.
It’s only because she was watching the moon so carefully that first night that she notices the changes so quickly. Even as her first hours slip away from her, the moon does too. No longer does it light up the world quite so brightly, and she can only watch as each night it wanes further. Under a dull half-moon’s glow she reaches her yellow life, and her minutes begin to tick dangerously low. She no longer has the time to lie back and simply relax, and her nights are no longer a time of pale light. Instead, she hunts for extra minutes through half-cast shadows, trying to slow the waning of the slender crescent she sees above her. As her final hours approach its light abandons her too, only a new moon left to watch over the same old story of their struggle against the inevitable. As her final death approaches, she is left with only memories of the full moon’s glow, and the knowledge that she will do whatever she must to return it to its full glory.
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For Scar it is, ironically enough, scars. He’s never exactly been great at staying alive, and that fact is clear for all to see through the reminders of those deaths which mark his skin. He’s not ashamed of them though. He knows his strengths, and he’s an expert at spinning the most dramatic tales of how he got each wound. It’s a surprise then, when he opens his eyes in this new world and finds only smooth, unmarked skin. The others notice, but don’t seem to think too much of it so Scar trie s not to let it bother him either. “New world, new me”, he thinks to himself, mind already spinning with potential schemes. Only as the first hours begin to pass does he realise what it means.
The first one to reappear is a blast mark down his left side from a creeper which had caught him completely unaware. Next, as time continued to tick, was a jagged mark on his right calf, the remnant of a broken leg gained in a sandy ravine a long way from here. Every few hours it’s another one: the mark of an axe slashing across his back, burn marks across his chest, claw marks down his forearms where the zombies had scratched at him. He knows what the final one will be when his time has all but run out; a scar over his heart where the line which once connected him to a soulmate had been ripped away. His scars are a sign of what he’s survived, but as each one comes back he knows that they’re also a reminder. No matter how fast he talks, what alliances he makes, his time is running out, and he’s never been good at avoiding death for long.
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For Jimmy, it’s feathers. He’d always hated when the others had made fun of him, called him cursed, or doomed, the canary of these death games. Every time he swore it would be different, but every time he died first, and every time it got a little harder to convince himself that it was just bad luck. He finds the first one before an hour had passed, a pale-yellow feather, almost golden in the sun. It’s caught in his hair, and as he flicks it away he manages to convince himself that the colour was just a trick of the light and he’d simply gotten a little careless whilst killing chickens. They come more frequently after that though. In his hair, landing softly on his arms, a flurry of them when he shakes out his jacket to put it on. Once there’s a trail of them, beckoning him into the woods and the fact that he decided to spend that day safely within his base is entirely unrelated. At least he can ignore them when his time is plentiful, but as time slips away, the reminder of his curse becomes more obvious.
When he awakens on his yellow life, he is greeted by a pair of wings upon his back, the feathers as vibrant as the name above his head. He can’t fly, of course, but the wings remain, a symbol of his role that’s clear for all to see. For a while he almost thinks that that could be the end of it, he has become the canary and he never needed a timer to beckon him towards his doom. But then the feathers start again. They don’t appear from nowhere this time, every golden plume which drifts past him now comes from his own wings. With each step, each passing minute, he loses more, and each yellow feather he sees is only a reminder of his own tragic fate. By the time he becomes red, his bedraggled and bloodied wings are those of a bird caught in a net, destroying itself in its own desperate struggle to find freedom. Every time he swore it would be different, but now more than ever time was not on his side, and his struggles will only quicken his own death.
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For Tango, it’s… nothing at first. He hears the others muttering about it at the beginning, in between the chaos of gathering resources and making alliances: the changes they can feel coming over them as the clock begins to tick, the constant dread of feeling time slipping between their fingertips. He feels nothing of the sort though, if anything he feels good! He’s got friends, supplies, and at least part of a base. Maybe, he thinks, this time it will be different, and something good will come out of these games.
Or maybe that optimism at the start was the cruellest part of it all. Without that joy, he wouldn’t have been able to notice the creeping anger which began to replace it. He tried to reign it in, to laugh and play along with the rest of them in pretending that nothing was wrong, but with each passing hour his control slipped away. Old hurts he’d thought forgotten rose unbidden to his mind. Time begins to slip away from him and the desire for revenge gets harder to ignore, the urge to find all those who’d betrayed and destroyed and left him for dead grows stronger. He finds himself seething with anger, remembering the people he’d thought of as friends turning their backs on him, the slash of an axe against his back, a home in flames before him. He can control it for now, but he knows that by the time his name is as red as the mist which begins to cloud his vision, there will be nothing left of him beside the rage.
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For Etho, it’s fire of course. It’s always haunted his steps in these games, and it’s only natural that it continues to do so. They all knew that their time was running out from the very first second, but no one else seemed to feel it the way that Etho did. Even at the start he couldn’t stay still too long lest the heat got too intense, and he tried to stay close to the team he’d found in the hopes that the babble of their voices would drown out the crackling of the flames. At least in the Nether he could pretend the heat was natural (and if he flinched at the sound of the popping lava at least no one noticed), but as the hours slipped by it got harder to ignore.
The warm tropical water of this place could do nothing to cool the fire which seemed to creep up his veins, and sometimes he found himself wishing for the familiar press of cold snow walls against his back, if only to give himself a moment of comfort. As green slipped into yellow what was once an uncomfortable heat across the back of his neck, would become a constant burning that was far too familiar. Even through the mask, every gasp would become like breathing in smoke. The pink light of a sunrise on the waves would appear, just for a moment, like a flaming inferno reaching towards him. He could hardly bear to enter the forest when every other tree seemed to burst into fire as he passed by it. He’d learnt the hard way that when the flames began, they would only spread, and with each passing minute they would only burn hotter. He could run from it all he liked, but when the timer got low, he knew that everything would burn.
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For Bdubs, it’s a clock. This comes as a surprise to no one, and he happily shows it off to anyone who’ll listen. It’s little more ornate than the one he usually carries, the gold bright and polished with delicate creeping vines and fragile flowers engraved around its edges, but this too is no surprise. The clock had always been a gift to buy his loyalty after all, and his loyalty is a beautiful thing. He soon realises that a clock is all the others see, however. Just a clock, with no strings attached.
As his time begins to tick, it is only Bdubs who sees the blood. The stains which begin to mar its edges as time runs down, the scrapes and dents and scratches. It continues to tick despite the damage, each movement bringing him a little closer to death. He finds himself holding it even closer than he normally would, almost hypnotised by its steady and relentless movements. He can’t wipe away the blood, can’t fix the damage that his love and betrayals have done but at least he can track the passage of his time and know how much he has left to devote to another. When his name is green, and even as hours pass and it turns yellow, he will give whatever he can, but he knows that one day that clock will shatter. When the hour gets late, he will do as he always has. His loyalty is a beautiful thing but just as fragile as a delicate clock face and when the clock stops ticking, he will be alone. He knows time better than anyone but now it’s not on his side, and he knows from bitter experience that loyalty alone will not save him.
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Joel doesn’t care what his is. He’s never been in these games to win, not really, and if anything he’s just waiting for his timer to get low enough that he can shed these false pretences. He makes alliances, builds bases, pretends to be civil, but he knows that it won’t last. He’s only here to fight, to kill, to feel the thrill of the hunt once more. The first time he went to grab his shovel and looked down to find a sword in his hand instead, it was almost funny. As the time passed, and it happened over and over again, however, he began to get an idea of just how his minutes were being measured.
After a few hours it became a challenge to swing his axe into the trees, to not take a few steps over and swing it right into his teammates’ unsuspecting backs instead. As time wore on it only got worse. In every passing moment he saw opportunities to kill, and something deep within him ached to see so many chances not taken. With the descent into yellow he gained some freedom at least, finally had the ability to strike back, to sate the biting hunger inside him. But as the time continued to tick it would never be enough, each kill would only hold it back for a time and even as his own death drew closer he would have no choice but to hunt for one more kill.
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For Martyn, it’s eyes. At the start, it’s more a creeping feeling of being watched than anything else, but at least he can blame that on the general feelings of paranoia which accompany these games every time. But as his time gets lower, with each minute taking him closer to yellow, it gets worse. Peering eyes become leaves or clouds or simply nothing at all when he turns to look at them properly, but he knows what he saw, and these days his own eyes are the only ones he can trust. He’s played many parts over these games: the loyal hand, the ally in the shadows, the spurned soulmate, but through every life they have watched and as time ticks lower, they stop even attempting to hide it.
Eyes watch him from the darkness of each restless night, and his every day is haunted by the peering eyes of figures he can’t quite make out. He still struggles against his fate, pointless though it might be, but soon even the eyes of his allies flash purple as he passes them by and he knows that everything he’s doing is only entertaining them more. When the sky itself seems to blink at him he feels his time running out fast, knows that the show is almost over. He could kill, draw their gaze away from himself a time as they go instead to watch the suffering of another, but they will always return. When his time runs out, he knows he will be surrounded by eyes uncountable, and he will have no choice but to perform.
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For Cleo, it’s flowers, and the rot which inevitably destroys them. For the first few hours they bloom wherever she goes, blossoms of blue and orange which follow in her footsteps. They find them creeping through the cracks in the makeshift base they’ve created, leaves and vines finding any gaps in the foundations and pushing inside. As their hours decrease, the flowers only increase in number. Trees seem to come into blossom as she passes, and if she spends too long in one place it becomes a riot of multicolour petals. She knows these games though, and from what she’s seen there are only two constants: decay and death. Alliances rot, leaving behind only hurt and thoughts of revenge, but even those teams which stand the test of time will eventually crumble as death claims them. There is no escaping the slow and steady passage of time.
As their name turns yellow, so too do the flowers which follow them, a sickly yellow which spreads across each petal. A creeping rot which withers the vines and eats away at everything it touches now follows her. Within just a few hours the flowers which still manage to grow in their path crumble like ash at even the softest touch, and instead of the colours, in her wake she leaves only grey decay. Time slips through her fingertips, life turns to death, and it is no longer only the flowers they created that decay away, but the entire world. Now the trees are brittle beneath their hands, a dark rot pressing up from beneath the bark, and when they stand still the ground rots away beneath their feet. By the end she is as grey as the dead world in which she finds herself, only her heart still beating a bright vibrant red. But whilst all else has decayed away, they still stand strong, and will continue to do so until the final hour.
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For BigB, it’s the shadows. The days are bright in this world, and it’s certainly warmer than any of the other times they’ve played these games, but even from the first day he can’t shake the feeling that it’s not quite as bright as it should be. Beneath the thick cover of the dark oak forest the dappled sunlight hardly seemed to reach him, and even out in the open fields there are shadows where there shouldn’t be. In another life he would have welcomed them, the shade providing cover for clandestine meetings and secret soulmates, but here it’s like the shadows are beckoning him and he doesn’t want to know what would happen if he listened to their call. If anything, the night is a relief, at least then he can convince himself that the darkness is natural, but each dawn the sun rises, his time ticks lower, and the shadows get a little darker.
As the hours pass, he realises that it’s not just in his imagination. Not only are the shadows deeper and blacker than they should be, they really are reaching out towards him, trying to pull him into their void. It doesn’t matter where the sun is, the shadows always lean his way and even down in the caves torches are no longer enough to banish the darkness. He knows his time is really running out when they begin to move. Shadows begin to writhe along the ground, cutting through the light like ink as they try to reach him. There’s nowhere left to run where they will not find him, and with the final minutes passing him by, he hasn’t got the time to left to search for another solution. It’s a familiar feeling, killing out of desperation to save his own life, but it’s a decision he’s made before and will make again if it buys him another few minutes in the light.
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For Impulse, it’s a pocket watch. He’s almost insulted when he first sees it. At first glance it’s a little too similar to a golden clock, glinting in the sunlight as he’s betrayed yet again, but as he inspects it again he realises that the similarities are only superficial. The face is beautiful in its own right, a delicate design of brass and a soft ticking noise which accompanies each movement of the second hand, but he’s more interested in what lies beneath it. When he finally manages to get some time alone and unscrew the back, however, the redstone inside is like nothing he’s ever seen, and even with his impressive talents, he can’t make heads nor tails of the miniature moving pieces. He spends some time fiddling with it, trying to understand the inner workings and figure out a way to quietly wind it back every now and then to give himself a little extra time, but whatever he does, the minute hand continues to move steadily forward.
For a while he thinks that’s the end of it, a complex little pocket watch that he always keeps close at hand, but as the time begins to pass, he realises that the ticking he can hear doesn’t originate from that at all and it’s only getting louder. It comes from all around him, the ticking of a life slowly running out, and soon it's impossible to ignore. With each tick, all he can think about is everything he has left to do: the allies he will leave behind, the plans left unfinished, the old enemies who still walk unpunished. He can’t die yet, but still the seconds pass him by. As the pocket watch he can hardly bear to put down draws closer and closer to its final chime, the ticking in his ears sounds more and more like a heartbeat, drowning out all else. It’s never been clearer to him that his time is limited, but he has never been one to leave things unfinished, and there are still things that must be done before the end.
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For Skizz, it’s only being able to watch as he is quietly and slowly abandoned. It’s something which has become all too familiar to him through these games. An army behind him, standing back and watching him charge in alone. A team he created, led, and then died for refusing to help him. But he was nothing if not an optimist, and at the start it was easy to convince himself that this time it would be different. As his friends gathered around him, announcing themselves his bodyguards, and promising to protect him he couldn’t help but laugh along, and even as he died again and again, he didn’t blame them. Their good intentions didn’t last long though, the good things never did in these worlds.
As his first few hours were stolen, he could see their attentions slipping away from him, leaving him unguarded once again. They weren’t doing it on purpose, he was sure, but as his time got lower it was like all memory of the alliances they’d once had begun to slip away. Even by the time his yellow life began, it was like the friendships he’d tried so hard to maintain were eroding, and he could only watch from the sidelines as the others fought to protect one another. He had never betrayed, had always given everything he could to his team, yet this was apparently his reward. Left behind by the very people who’d once promised to save him, his hours run down faster and faster. Then he really is alone, the others apparently forgetting that they’d ever been allied at all. Abandoned and afraid, he realises that there’s no one else he can rely on.
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commsroom · 1 year
Text
to me, the question of whether hera would want a body is first and foremost a question of autonomy and ability. she has an internal self-image, i think it's meaningful that the most pivotal moments in her character arc take place in spaces where she can be perceived the way she perceives herself and interact with others in a (relatively) equal and physical capacity, and that's worth considering. but i don't think it's about how she looks, or even who she is - and i think she's the same person either way; she's equally human without a body, and having a body wouldn't make her lived experience as an AI magically disappear - so much as it's about how she would want to live.
like most things with hera, i'm looking at this through a dual lens of disability and transness, both perspectives from which the body - and particularly disconnect from the body - is a concern. the body as the mechanism by which she's able to interact with the world; understanding her physical isolation as a product of her disability, the body as a disability aid. the body as it relates to disability, in constant negotiation. the body as an expression of medical transition, of self-determination, of choice. as a statement of how she wants to be seen, how she wants to navigate the world, and at the same time reckoning with the inevitable gap between an idealized self-image and a lived reality, especially after a long time spent believing that self-image could never be visible to anyone else.
it's critical to me that it should never imply hera's disability is 'fixed' by having a body, only that it enables her to interact with the world in ways she otherwise couldn't. her fears about returning to earth are about safety and ability; the form she exists in dictates the life she's allowed to lead and has allowed people to invade her privacy and make choices for her. dysphoria and disability both contribute to disembodiment - in an increasingly digitized world, the type of alienation that feels like your life can only exist in a virtual space... maybe there's something about the concept of AI embodiment, in particular as it relates to hera, that appeals to me because of what it challenges about what makes a 'real woman.' when it's about perception, about how others see her and how she might observe / be impacted by how she's treated differently, even subconsciously. it's about feeling more present in her life and interfacing with the world. but it's not in itself a becoming; it doesn't change how she's been shaped by her history or who she is as a person.
i think it comes back to the 'big picture' as a central antagonistic force in wolf 359, and how - in that context, in this story - it adds a weight to this hypothetical choice. hera is everywhere, and she's never really anywhere. she's got access to more knowledge than most people could imagine, but it's all theoretical or highly situational; she doesn't have the same life experiences as her peers. she has the capacity to understand that 'big picture' better than most people, but whatever greater portion of the universe she understands is nothing next to infinity and meaningless without connection and context. it's interesting to me that hera is one of the most self-focused and introspective people on the show. her loyalties and decisions are absolute, personal, emotionally driven. she's lonely; she always feels physically away from the others. she misremembers herself sitting at the table with the rest of the crew. she imagines what the ocean is like. there's nothing to say that hera having a body is the only solution for that, but i like what it represents, and i honestly believe it'd make her happier than the alternatives. if there's something to a symbolically narrowed focus that allows for a more solid sense of self... that maybe the way to make something of such a big, big universe is to find a tiny portion of it that's yours and hold onto it tight.
#wolf 359#w359#hera wolf 359#idk. processing something. as always i have more to say but it's impossible to communicate all at once#it's a meaningful idea to me and i think there's a LOT more that can be done with it thematically than just. the assumption of normalcy#so much of hera's existence is about feeling trapped and that's only going to get worse on earth and within these two contexts#that's something i really feel for. especially with. mmm.#i don't like the idea that who hera is is tied to the way she exists because it seems to weirdly reinforce her own misconception#that there can never be another life for her.#and all of these things are specific to hera and to the themes of wolf 359 and NOT about AI characters in general#in other stories there are other considerations.#the best argument i can make against it is that she says getting visuals from one place is weird and she doesn't like it. but that's#a totally different situation where it's a further limitation of her ability without a trade off. it's a different consideration i think#when it allows her more freedom. to go somewhere and be completely alone by herself. to feel like she has more control and more privacy#to be able to hug her friends. or feel the rain. it would be one thing if she felt content existing 'differently'#but she... doesn't. canonically she doesn't. and i think that has to be taken into account.#i think you can tell a meaningful and positive story about disability without giving her physical form on earth too#but i think it has to be considered that those are limitations for her and that the way she exists feels isolating to her.#idk. a lot of the suggestions people come up with feel like they're coming from a place of compromise that i don't think is necessary#there are plenty of ways that having a body would be difficult for hera and i guess it's hopeful to me to think#maybe she'd still find it worth it.
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givehimthemedicine · 1 year
Text
#rainbowshipgate
late March, 1979.
Someone gets off work at Hawkins Lab and stops off at the store on their way home to buy a pack of cigarettes.
"My son drew that," the cashier volunteers, pointing to a crayon drawing taped up by the register.
They smile politely and barely glance at the drawing, but when they do, they double take.
"Your son?" they hold out their hand for the change without looking. "Quite an imagination."
"He's only eight," she beams proudly.
Lighting up a cigarette, they rush the rest of the way home to make an urgent phonecall.
"Does someone wanna tell me how some elementary school kid from town drew a picture of something Top Fucking Secret?"
By April, HNL is surveilling young William Byers, son of the Melvald's cashier. They wiretap, they film, they learn routines, they pose as school officials to monitor his academic and creative output. He may be exactly the sort of talent they scout for across the world, quite literally in their own backyard.
Acquiring a new subject is always tricky, so they can't be hasty. They need evidence that this wasn't merely a coincidence, a fluke. They watch to see if the boy exhibits any other strange behavior.
They're still waiting in September of that year, when the HNL program... hits a snag. Its focus narrows to its lone survivor and most promising subject. Funding can't be secured for any new subjects at this time, however the Byers boy still poses a potential security risk, and continues to be monitored.
He is last observed the morning of November 6, 1983, travelling on Maple Street by bicycle, on the day when finally he does do something else strange. He vanishes.
A kid going missing isn't the strangest thing that happens on November 6 - curiously, there is another major incident at the Lab the same day.
When it becomes apparent that the two events are in fact connected, damage control is necessary. If local law enforcement is allowed to continue to search for the boy, the investigation could lead back to the Lab, attracting an undesirable level of public attention.
A fake body is created with very convincing attention to detail using surveillance obtained the morning of the boy's disappearance.
With the search over, the Lab should now be at its leisure to investigate Will Byers' whereabouts on its own terms. If the boy merely dies, irretrievable, at least the security threat is neutralized; if he can be privately recovered for study, all the better.
Unfortunately not visible in those surveillance photos of a long-sleeved Will Byers on a November morning: the birthmark on his right arm.
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ok I'm not entirely seriously proposing that this happened, but hear me out anyway about a few things
That fake body.
to know what Will was wearing on the day he went missing, they had to have seen him wearing it. how then, unless they were already watching him? why would the Lab be watching some random child?
Some lab kids are wild-caught, like Kali.
In order to merit being taken for the program, must they not first do something to attract the Lab's interest - display some curious behavior, some sign of potential psychic ability?
Will loves medieval fantasy.
DnD and Lord of the Rings. he's always drawing things like battles and knights and dragons and wizards. his life, his friends, but through a lens of medieval type fantasy. so when Joyce tells the story of little Will drawing a spaceship, it bothers me. a spaceship, even a whimsical one, is such a conspicuous break from Will's usual genre.
Kids draw from a variety of inspirations.
Sometimes they draw from their imagination or their feelings.
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Sometimes they draw exactly what they see in reality.
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And sometimes they draw what they see somewhere in between. Without really even knowing what it is they're drawing.
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What if little Will saw the rainbow spaceship in his mind, but not in his imagination.
So, what am I saying, Will had a vision of a spaceship? The upside down is another planet and the demogorgon is an alien? No.
(Haha,)
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But really, no, Stranger Things isn't that genre.
So whose spaceship is it? Is Hawkins Lab building a spaceship? No. The lab's interest is in the human mind, not the space race.
I don't think there is a spaceship. But there could be something within Hawkins Lab (or somewhere similarly top secret) that a kid with a vague vision and a box of crayons might interpret as looking like a spaceship.
Just, I don't know, some kind of big metal Thing.
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I'm not saying it would have been NINA or equivalent, but I'm saying there could be a Thing that could look like a spaceship out of context. In perhaps a vision, an accidental remote-view, a now-memory.
why would a Thing at Hawkins Lab have a rainbow on it? idk, it's not like they have a history of that.
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Plot twists require hints.
Big reveals are no fun if there wasn't a clue in plain view the whole time. We have few flashbacks and anecdotes about Will's past, and if we're due some revelation in s5 about him either having powers or having more of a history with HNL or Henry than we thought, that is where a clue would be.
Joyce's rainbow ship story is littered with details that bother me.
Do you know what March 22nd is? It's your birthday. Your birthday. When you turned eight, I gave you that huge box of crayons. Do you remember that? It was 120 colors. And all your friends, they got you Star Wars toys, but all you wanted to do was draw with all your new colors. And you drew this big spaceship, but it wasn't from a movie. It was your spaceship. A rainbow ship is what you called it. And you must have used every color in the box. I took that with me to Melvald's and I put it up and I told everyone who came in, "My son drew this." And you were so embarrassed. But I was so proud. I was so, so proud.
Will being 8 may matter because he turned 8 in 1979. idk, of all ages to attach to this story why the one in the landmark year of 1979? his eighth would be his last birthday before the lab massacre (Sept 8, 1979). this scenario might not work with Will any older - perhaps whatever the "spaceship" was was eliminated post-massacre. or there's something to Will being the same age as El. I'll get back to you on this one
drawing with crayons on ST is so often associated with something not simply seen or imagined, but perceived in some strange way:
Will drawing his vision of the Mind Flayer in black/red crayon
Will scribbling the nowmemory tunnels feverishly with whole crayons
these aren't the only times he uses crayon, but contrast some of his noteworthy "normal imagination" drawings - Will the Wise, Zombie Boy - done in pencil instead, as are a lot of his other misc filler drawings. (when Will's fireball/cabbage drawing where crayons are prominently mentioned turns out to be a vision of season 5 I'll get back to you)
Joyce grabs crayons to trace the Mind Flayer off the TV
Nancy writes the decoded CLOSEGATE in crayon
Ten's lessons at the lab consist of remotely viewing Brenner's bad crayon drawings
Henry's drawing of the spider is in pencil, and the Mind Flayer in charcoal, but when he's drawing with crayons I don't know what he's drawing but the lights flicker
when Max draws her vision of the Creel house, she calls attention in the dialogue to Holly letting her borrow her crayons
Will lacking interest in his new Star Wars toys makes sure we know, in case we don't remember all the Will art we've seen, that he isn't especially interested in space.
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Joyce even says it with this little eyeroll like "these punk ass kids think MY son is a space nerd? please. I know the Castle Byers password and it's a LOTR reference"
which is what makes this so conspicuous - why in the same breath as establishing Will isn't very interested in space stuff does she say Will drew a spaceship and emphasize that it isn't something he saw in a movie. that it came from his imagination. like.. yeah, isn't everything he draws? why was a spaceship on Will's mind if he isn't interested in space? am I wrong that we've never seen one single other drawing of space stuff among all his artwork?
finally, Joyce not only put this drawing up in public but told all her customers about it. this is the only anecdote of Will's pre-vanishing history I can think of that could suggest any adult outsiders (so potentially the Lab) taking notice of something he did.
in conclusion I'm kidding, unless it turns out I'm right in which case you heard rainbowshipgate here first
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