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ohtobeleah · 7 months

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Self-flagellation // Tom Kazanksy

Summary: The death of Goose Bradshaw rocks the TopGun class. Iceman struggles with the ideology that his death could have been prevented if he wasn’t sure sure of himself.

Warnings: Suicide attempt. Suicidal tendencies. Depression. Mentions of pregnancy.

Word Count: 3.2k

Author Note: Day Five of Whumptober. Prompt I chose: Self-harm. Thank you to @ailesswhumptober for the prompt list.

Whumptober Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The warm soapy water soothed Tom’s aching muscles as he let himself slide down the side of the bath till the only thing remaining above the water was his head. Notes of jasmine from your scented epsom salts he swore he never indulged in filled the bathroom as the drip from the leaky faucet filled the void, the silent but all consuming void of nothingness that had followed Tom ‘Iceman’ Kazanksy around ever since he saw Nick ‘Goose’ Bradshaw break his neck during a freak accident.

It could have been avoided, the death of Goose Bradshaw. If Tom hadn't been so arrogant, if he hadn't started the chain reaction of events that led to Goose's death by cutting Maverick off—perhaps it all could have been avoided. He was so arrogant and sure of himself that he could get that shot, it was just a training exercise, no one should have died.

The more he thought about it as he sunk deeper and deeper into the water, he knew he should have moved. He knew that it was his fault, his actions, and every choice that led to the death of Goose Bradshaw.

And that was something he couldn’t live with.

“Tom!” Your voice cut through the water like a breath of fresh air as you pulled your fiancé up from under the water he’d sunk under. “Jesus Christ what the hell are you doing?” It was the shock of walking into the bathroom and seeing your fiancé completely submerged and not making any attempt to move or get up that was talking. “Tom?” You asked as you assessed his face with both your hands cupping his cheeks. “What are you doing? What’s gotten into you?” You were in search of an answer that perhaps would have been written in the lines on his face—but when Tom reached up to take your hand in his and kissed your knuckles a few times. You knew something was wrong, very wrong. It was the look of dismissal in his eyes.

The very look you saw from your mother right before she was admitted into the loony bin.

“I’m fine—“ Tom tried to reassure you as you tried to keep your composure. “Totally fine dear, just thought it was real quiet under the water.” Tom wanted to tell you about the voices in his head that he’d been trying to silence. Or about the way the burn his lungs felt as he begun to run out of oxygen made him feel closer to Goose. He wanted to be under that water—if you hadn’t pulled him up he would have truly stayed there. It seemed like a peaceful way to go.

He wanted to tell you that it was all his fault, he killed Nick Bradshaw and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t live with the guilt, he saw that little kid on his mothers hip at the funeral three days prior and ever since he made eye contact with little Bradley Bradshaw—Tom wanted nothing more than to trade places with the RIO he killed with negligent flying.

But he didn’t tell you any of that. Tom Kazanksy wouldn’t let his walls come down for no one. Not even you—he didn’t want to be seen as weak minded. His father had instilled a great fear of being seen as less than man enough if he were to ever shed a single tear. So the idea of crumbling to his knees, holding you tight and telling you he wanted nothing more than to trade places with a dead man was far beyond the realm of comprehension.

“I’m fine honey, I was just in my own world for a second there.” You were completely disinclined to believe what your fiancé was saying. The signs were all there. The warning signals had been popping up for weeks. But all you did to keep the peace was nod in simple silence as you sat on the edge of the bathtub. “I love you, I’m sorry for spookin you.”

“You’d tell me—“ You cooed as you pushed Tom's hair from his forehead. “You’d tell me if you weren’t alright wouldn’t you baby?” The question packed a punch Tom wasn’t exactly ready for. He couldn’t tell you, you’d think he was certifiably insane for having such thoughts. He didn’t want you to worry about him, he was fine, he was totally and completely fine.

So he lied right through those perfect teeth of his. He held your hand back up to his lips and pressed gentle kisses across your knuckles. His eyes told you a completely different story to the rhetoric he was spinning. Tom was going under, he was drowning in his own sorrow and guilt for a man he’d let down, that he’d killed. But he wouldn’t tell you that, he couldn’t bring himself to explain to the love of his life.

So he lied. He lied and lied and lied, hoping that one day soon he’d believe himself.

“Absolutely.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

He didn’t mean for it to happen, Tom Kazanksy never meant for his actions to result in his colleague and friends' untimely death. He didn’t mean to rip a family apart at the very seam.

But he had. And he couldn’t cope with the guilt.

“I’m worried about him, Carole.” You sighed as you walked with the newly widowed woman to her husband's grave. “He blames himself, much like Mav.”

“It’s nobody's fault—“ Carole cooed as she held a bunch of roses in her hand and her sons in the other. Bradkey didn’t understand where his daddy had gone and it broke your heart. “It was just a freak accident—I know my husband wouldn't have put the blame on anyone, and I don’t either.”

Carole Bradshaw was a beacon of hope to all the aviators who had lost a dear friend. She was the very reminder they needed to keep going, to keep her husband’s legacy alive by doing what he loved the most.

“I think you should get him to talk to someone if you’re really concerned, even if he doesn’t think anything’s wrong—it always helps to talk it out.” Carole mentioned as she walked with you side by side. “I talk to a therapist about this new chapter twice a week.” She admitted tentatively. “Sometimes it feels all too much, then I remember I have Bradley.” She smiled softly, looking down at her husband’s surviving son. “He deserves to have a mother who’s as put together as can be.” That’s when Carole looked at you genuinely and wholeheartedly saw into your very soul as you held back tears. “Tom needs to be as put together as he can be, for the little one.”

“I haven’t even told him yet.” You could feel your bottom lip wobbling as you spoke. “I don’t want to overwhelm him.” You were only a few weeks along and hadn’t worked up the courage to tell your fiancé yet. He wasn’t himself, between his need to be alone and his lack of attention to your relationship, you felt as if the news of a child would completely dismal Tom's very delicate mental state. “I’m not sure if he’s ready—“

“Maybe if he knew he’d helped create life then the idea he took it away wouldn’t be as overwhelming.” Carole always knew just what to say even when she was barely keeping herself together. After all, it was her husband's grace you were going to visit—not Toms. “Not that he had any involvement, because it was an accident.”

“How many times have you told yourself that?”

You had to ask. “You know, before you started to believe it?”

Carole let out a deep sigh that sounded like it came from her very soul. She squeezed her son's hand three consecutive times and did her best to keep her composure.

“I tell myself that every day.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Honey?” Days turned into weeks before you had even noticed that the weeks had long since turned into months. Tom was for the most part a shell of his former self. He wasn’t home when all the lights seemed to be on. “Tom baby, are you home?”

You’d gotten a call from Viper halfway through your shift, he was concerned to say the very least about Tom and the fact he hadn’t shown up for work this morning really had him worried. He’d asked the pilot if he was doing okay a few times since the accident—but every time he pressed, Tom did what he did best and shut the very people who cared about him the most, out.

“Tom? Honey it’s me baby—Viper called?” You cooed as you placed your keys in the little dish by the front door. The house was eerily quiet for the mid afternoon. Usually the offshore breeze would be blowing through the open windows, but when the air felt still, stale even. Like nothing had moved since you had left this morning. Like nobody had been home all day—yet your fiancés trunk was in the drive. A dead give away. “Honey?”

It was all very ominous, the stillness of your humble apartment, the ground floor of a four story building on the outskirts of Fightertown. The usually warm and cozy living room felt as cold as ice when you walked on by. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Nothing seemed different or misplaced—but the quiet hum, the bubbling anxiety inside your chest told you something was wrong. Something was off and something terrible was about to happen, or had happened.

You remembered what your mother looked like the night your dad had taken her to the emergency room. Her night gown was soaked in crimson blood that would never wash out. You tried.

“Tom? Honey, are you in there?” The bathroom door wasn’t locked, but it was closed shut. Your hand tightened around the doorknob as you let your forehead rest against the painted frame. “Please just answer me? I won’t come in if you don’t want me to.” You sighed to yourself as you closed your eyes and tried to will away the thoughts of your mother.

You always thought it would be you, mental health instability ran in your family like nothing you had ever seen. But here you were, your fiancé had been suffering and he refused to let you in. He refused to be a burden on you and now? Now you were afraid to open the door, you were terrified beyond belief at what you might see.

“Tom—“ Your feet felt frozen as you turned the door handle, the bathroom door slowly but surely creaked open. Time stood still as your eyes landed on the broad shouldered aviator lying in bloodied bath water that looked as thick as gelatin. “Oh god! TOM!”

The shrill that left your body as you rushed over was a sound so painstakingly familiar that for a moment you swore you had heard your father scream behind you. History had a funny way of repeating itself.

“Tom, honey—open your eyes baby look at me!” You tried to stay as calm as you could. “I’ve gotta call an ambulance.” That was the priority, call for help, stop the bleeding, save your fiancé’s life. You kept repeating it over and over like a mantra that would forever be embedded into your soul. Call for help, stop the bleeding, save Tom's life.”

The home phone was down the hall and boy did it kill you every second you were gone, but when you came back to the bathroom, you brought bandages and gauze from the first aid kit you kept in the kitchen with you.

“I’m here baby, I’m here.” Tom was unconscious but he still had a very weak, very faint, hardly there at all paulse. “Please don’t leave us, we’re right here, please please please don’t do this to us.” Twelve weeks, that’s how far along you were. For twelve weeks you had kept your pregnancy a secret from everyone except Carole Bradshaw. For twelve weeks your fiancé had been so distant and so closed off, disconnected even he hadn’t noticed the bouts of sickness, the fatigue, the way your stomach seemed a little more distended then it usually did. You weren’t showing all that much—but you thought the man you loved unconditionally, with your entire heart, with everything you had and more, would have noticed.

But he didn’t.

“Come on baby.” You tried to move him from the bathtub but the dead weight of Tom Kazanksys unconscious body was far too heavy for you to handle. “Stay with us, please.” Blood threatened to stain all aspects of the bathroom. The tiles, your clothes, even Tom's skin. But you did what you could with what you had to stop the bleeding coming from his wrists. Slashed deep. You had to hold back the nausea you felt as you wrapped both your fiancé’s wrists tight to stop them from bleeding any more, but judging by the amount of blood in the water and on the side of the bath—Tom had already lost a lot.

This wasn’t a cry for help, this was so much more. This wasn’t just to feel something, this was to feel nothing at all.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more observant.” You cried as you kept Tom above the water, his head lulled to the side in your hands as you waited for the medics to arrive. “Honey, oh baby we love you so much, please don’t do this to us, please don’t leave.” You had to keep your fingers pressed against his neck, pressed against Tom’s pulse point to remind yourself he was still with you. “If you leave us so help me Christ Tom I’ll never forgive you—don’t you do this to me baby.”

***~***~***~***~**

“No.” The last person Tom Kazanksy wanted to see was you, but here you were—sleeping in the small hospital chair beside his bed with your hand delicately intertwined with his. “No god no—“ He wasn’t supposed to be here with you. He was supposed to be dead, he wasn’t supposed to be alive where the burden was all too much and the guilt was all consuming. He couldn’t be here. “I’m alive?”

He couldn’t remember what happened after he’d sliced his wrists, but for what he could put together he assumed you would have been the one who found him. He left a letter on your pillow, he wondered if you’d found it.

“A clinician is going to come in and speak with you soon.” Tom looked over at you as you spoke, your eyes were barely open, but when he finally met your gaze he saw the hurt he’d caused in them. “Tom—“

“You should have let me die.” Was all he said back to you. The words he spoke hurt more than he would ever know. “It’s my fault he died.”

“Maverick said—“

“Forget what fucking Maverick said Y/n!” Tom snapped as you readjusted yourself in the chair you sat perched on. “I killed him! Goose died because I was flying recklessly and now I can’t live with the fucking guilt—you should have let me die!”

“There are people who can help Tom.” You were a little more stirn than you would have liked to have been, but your fiancé had just tried to kill himself over his own deep rooted resentment for himself. “God why on earth do you think that killing yourself is the only option here?”

“Because I don’t wanna go on living knowing I ruined someone else’s life!” He cried, Tom Kazanksy barely ever cried, in front of people anyway. But here he was, crying in front of you after he’d failed at taking his own life. You’d stopped him. “And if you hadn’t come home I’d be fucking dead! I wouldn’t have to live with myself and I wouldn’t have to look at you and wish you’d stop interfering!”

It hit you in that very moment that when you’d found Tom in the bath he had in fact not been alright, he was trying to drown himself. Only you’d pulled him to the surface.

“I don’t want you around anymore.” You looked at your fiancé with pleading eyes. “I don’t love you enough to stay, I don’t love you enough to keep fighting the fight I know I’ll fucking lose because I’m not strong enough.” It hurt more than anything else in this world. “You don’t need me, you don’t deserve to have to babysit me wondering when I’ll try again, because I will. I’ll try again until I’m dead and gone and don’t have to live with the guilt.”

“Tom—“ Tom Kazanksy was the love of your life. He was once the funny and charismatic man who swept you off your feet. But now as you sat by his hospital bed after saving his life, all he could say to you was why did you even bother. “I can’t leave you after this, you need someone—“

“If you stay I’ll just end up hating you—“ That was the nail in the coffin of your broken relationship. “I’ll hate you for saving me and I’ll hate you forever, so please, just leave, go.” Maverick stood by the door, he’d come to see if you needed anything. He had heard every word Ice spoke and his heart was broken for you. You didn’t see any of this.

This was so much worse than he ever thought it was. Maverick watched as you got up out of your chair, crying hysterically as you held a protective hand over your small but there baby bump. He knew. He knew you were pregnant, Carole had slipped up one night when she was in her own head about the entire situation.

“And don’t think I don’t know either.” Tom added as your tears fell down your face. He watched as you stopped in your tracks. “That baby is better off never knowing me.” He hissed as you kept your back turned, he wasn’t the same man you loved. This was the shell of a man you once knew, a broken man who had pushed everyone, including you away. “If you had bothered to tell me I would have asked you to abort it, saved you the trouble of my burden.” You turned back to face your fiancé as he spiraled further into his psychotic break. “It’s one of the reasons I did it, I don’t deserve to be a father after what I did.”

You took a deep breath as you wiggled your engagement ring off your ringer before you slowly moved back to the bedside. Tom watched you with teary eyes of his own. He couldn’t believe that he was giving up his entire world because he couldn’t handle the immense guilt, the shame, the fear he felt all for kissing one of his friends.

“You were right.” You dropped the ring into his lap, deciding that if Tom Kazanksy had given up on living that he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve your support, your love, your energy or your child. This was different to what your mother went through, this wasn’t just depression, this was selfishness and cruel behaviour.

And hell—two could play at that game, become why on god's green earth should you continue to try and save someone who didn’t want to be saved?”

“You weren’t worth saving.” You whispered as you turned on your heels to head out of the room as the clinician walked in. Loving Tom Kazanksy had turned into a losing game. But you had just one final thing to say over your shoulder.

“Say hi to Goose when you see him, maybe you’ll believe him when he tells you it wasn’t ever your fault.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Whumptober Tags 🏷️ @xoxabs88xox @oldermenaremyreligion @slut-f0r-u @emma-is-cool @armydrcamers @topguncortez @topgun-imagines @kmc1989 @els-marvelvsp @blindedbythelightt

#ailesswhumptober2023 #leahs whumptober masterlist #tom kazansky #Tom kazansky top gun #Tom kazansky angst #tw: suicide attempt #tw: depressive episode #tw: suicidal tendencies

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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new hopes

summary: shinobu and itto find you on the beach hiding from the shogunate, and decide to help

-> warnings: n/a! just general imposter sagau things

-> lowercase intended!

the night is calm.

shinobu walks along a road near the beach, taking itto from the police station again. they’re taking a detour so they can both enjoy the night, and the cool breeze is helping to soothe heated tempers. she’s less mad than normal, since this time he’s not in trouble for causing a ruckus, only for speaking up about the ‘imposter’ situation, but still. he should know better, especially when the authorities aren’t his biggest fans.

he suddenly stops, a hand tapping at her shoulder for her attention. “shinobu, look!”

she does, leaning forward to see you sitting on the beach. you don’t seem to be in the best of shape, and though outlander merchants are often left with nothing, this… feels different.

she’s not sure why, but she’s not going to get involved, that’s-

itto grabs her arm and pulls her with him as he walks over to you, and she sighs.

-not going to happen.

“hey there!”

you jump, violently, and shinobu’s eyes narrow. itto doesn’t seem to notice, continuing down the beach.

“what are you doing out here?”

you stumble to your feet, fear evident in the moonlight, and shinobu stops itto with a harsh tug.

“i- i’m not-“

“we’re not with the shogunate,” she says, putting you out of your misery, and you relax somewhat. “what are you out here for? you’ll get sick.”

“i’m… i was hiding.”

“hiding?“ ittos loud voice makes you flinch again, and he seems to notice, lowering his volume significantly. “what are you hiding for?”

shinobu rolls her eyes. it’s clear, at least to her, what happened to you, and she pulls him behind her. “don’t mind him. why is the shogunate after you?”

you stare, distrustful, and she doesn’t blame you. “i dont know. i don’t know what i did. i barely got to give my name and-“

she politely ignores the way you choke up before even finishing, looking you over. the tears on your clothes are too neat to be simple wear, but you don’t match any wanted posters she’s seen.

“you didn’t do anything?”

“n-no, i just- i barely had a chance to walk into the city before i was stopped by guards.”

itto crossed his arms with a huff. “well, that’s just wrong! at the very least they should tell you what rules you broke, and to try and arrest you so quickly? i’ve barely met you and i know you’re trustworthy!”

“boss, you shouldn’t decide things so rashly-“

“oh, don’t be silly! and even if they end up causing trouble i’m still the one and oni!“

“boss-“

“come on, you really think it’s wise to leave somebody out like this? what kind of oni would i be if i let somebody walk around in winter like that without even trying to help?”

shinobu is not sure when or why the conversation shifted to ‘let’s help you’ instead of ‘who are you’ but… itto was right. you would quickly get sick with such clothes, and the shogunate would swiftly catch you without proper shoes. considering that they didn’t even list out your charges(something she’s fairly certain is illegal, but she might have to check with heizou on that) and that she herself feels like she can trust you..

she takes off her jacket, as small as it is, and puts it over your head. though you tense, she notices that you don’t move away when she gets close. odd.

“that should help hide you from any guards. when we get to the base, i’ll get you a proper mask like mine.”

you smile.

it’s late, so most of the gang is asleep, a fact shinobu is very grateful for. considering how much itto frightened you.. she doesn’t want to subject you to the raucous chatter of the whole gang just yet.

she brings you to the bathroom, showing you which bottles are which before promising to return with clothes.

hopefully genta won’t miss a set.

when you come out, collar askew and holding the extra layers in the hat, she wants to smile and punch a shogunate official at the same time. how could you be a threat? how could they need to arrest you when you apologize as she straightens out the ribbons? how could they take such drastic action against somebody who could barely figure out inazuman clothing?

she sits you down and gives you a plate of her specialty, omurice waltz. sure, it’s late, but she doubts you’ve eaten anything of substance in a while.

the speed with which it’s gone, almost like you’re afraid she’ll rip it away before you’re done, confirms it.

she’s definitely keeping you from the shogunate. anybody with eyes could see you’re not a threat, but it appears the police force has gone blind.

you weren’t sure how your life had taken so many wild turns after another. first you were almost arrested by the tenryou commission, and then you were resting by the beach, and now…

you sat in the corner of the gang’s dining room, some bowl of meat and rice in hand. though you’d been ushered in by itto—whose booming voice made you jump so high you’re surprised you didn’t hit the ceiling—and sat swiftly, he hadn’t spoken to you since. it was shinobu that had passed you your food, and the spoon you held since your grip wasn’t strong enough for chopsticks. she was not, however, the one to defend you when the gang started asking questions.

somebody sitting close to your corner turns, throwing an arm over his chair to point at you. “who is that by the way, boss?”

shinobu’s mouth opens, some diplomatic remark already on the tip of her tongue, most likely, but itto beats her to it.

“thats a refugee we found on the beach!” you’re a what-? “they were gonna get sick with the weather, and were hiding from the shogunate, so we took them in. shinobu told me that even her doushin friend didn’t know why they were being arrested, and he even helped divert the police!”

‘doushin friend’?

wait.

besides him, shinobu nods. “the most we could gather is that they were charged on no evidence, which is against the law. detective shikanoin is certain that they haven’t committed any crimes, and so they will be staying with us until it gets settled.”

‘detective shikanoin’…?

did shinobu know heizou?

you could feel your chances of survival rise with every second that went by.

“oh, alright then. what’s their name?”

“well you see, we kinda didn’t really have time for introductions since we were worried about the shogunate more than anything, so-“

shinobu sighs, and you’re suddenly frozen by her eyes on yours. “what’s your name?”

you remember your run-in with the guards, about how you barely got your first name out before they drew their spears-

you lie, give a fake name, and shinobu nods.

“hm… you mentioned them getting aggressive immediately after you introduced yourself, right?”

did you? you don’t really remember.

you nod anyway.

“i don’t remember seeing any cases with that name recently, but i’ll pass it on to detective shikanoin anyway. we’ll see what we can find.

a downside to having such a brilliant detective on your case was that he could expose you to everybody within an instant, and could probably predict your next move with pinpoint accuracy… but the possibility wasn’t as awful as having the shogunate itself after you. even if he ended up finding whatever file the tenryou commission had on you, being arrested at the hands of somebody you knew was a much better fate, in your opinion.

hed be a fatal enemy, for certain, but a perfect ally all the same.

the conversation had turned away from you, redirecting to some other crime the gang had accidentally committed. itto was waving around a half-empty glass, shinobu watching with amused eyes despite the harsh words coming from her mouth.

“you shouldn’t speak of the shogun that way.”

“why not? if she really had a problem with it, she’d strike me down with her lightning!”

“boss…”

the gang was loud, shouting across the table at each other and shoving those at their side in jest. the room was filled with the scent of spices and the sound of laughter, a sense of camaraderie and friendship settling in that you haven’t felt in a while.

perhaps…

perhaps you’d be alright.

#a lot of ranting in the tags so watch out #genshin #genshin impact #genshin sagau #sagau #self aware genshin #genshin self aware au #arataki itto #sagau itto #sagau arataki itto #kuki shinobu #sagau shinobu #sagau kuki shinobu #the piece that makes me :) ft. an Attempt at a good layout!#i’m. trying to make a masterlist as we breathe but why do that when this?#ignore the shit quality of my image it’s a screenshot of a picture i took in genshin #god i fucking hate writing summaries #rant time? rant time who fucking reads my tags anyway #i keep my things in notion and only by title #so i memorize the title = the things inside them #but it SUCKS because i can’t like. beam my consciousness into yours? and i’m realizing that that’s probably fucking up like #the amount of people that read my things? because they’re like ‘well cool title op but what the fuck did you write’ and i go ‘no clue king’#anyway. i am. making an attempt. pls be proud of me #it is a Struggle #fuck it i’ll out this at 12:26 am on a school night #god isn’t real and if he was he wouldnt want shit to do with me

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thepookiestpookiebear · 1 month

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A pitiful attempt of me making a masterlist.

Uncompleted masterlist because I have to navigate the web to find all of my works again!!!!

My older fics:

I didn't find the second and third part for that series so sorry

So far this masterlist is incomplete, as I haven't found all of my works yet. This is what I get for not tagging them with my username 😭

#yourfavepookiebear #self aware twst #leona kingscholar #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland masterlist #masterlist #attempt at masterlist #unfinished #the pookiest writes #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus draconia x reader #i still havent found that one sagau work of mine #leona kingscholar x reader #riddle rosehearts

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drefear · 10 months

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Masterlist

Hi, I’m Dre/Jade/Dom!

I’m a shy writer, but you can ask me to write just about anything. I especially love writing to songs and referencing them as plot points.

Requests are open, so send me a character and a song or an idea you want and I’ll write something for ya !!

To everyone wanting to be tagged, MY TAGS DO NOT ALWAYS WORK!!! Please turn on my notifications if you’d like to see my work when they come out!

MDNI

#masterlist #idk how to make a master list so here's my attempt #drefear playlist

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jils-things · 2 months

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giggles cutely

#i fixed her sprites because i didnt like the old one #and i wanna make a silly masterlist of refs consisting of my attempts to draw her in the canon artstyle (i.e sprites) whehehe #im gonna plug the kid version here soon ueueue #~ art #color pallet trio #im doing jaide stone alsooo

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embodyingchaos · 6 months

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❥ plain sight | chapter one

pairing: la!sanji x fem!oc genre: best friends to lovers! slow burn! warnings: attempted assault, fighting, light angst word count: 1.8k masterlist: plain sight next chapter: -

a puff of smoke escaped out of her mouth and out the window. it was one small moment to herself but it meant so much to her before returning to the annoyance of complaining customers and taking orders.

“lorrie, you best get out here before the old man decides to kick it up a notch, huh?” vincent, one of the other waiters, warned her, reminding her that she indeed had things to do, despite the fact she only took three puffs out of her cigarette.

with a huff, she put it out in her ashtray, placing it back on the window sill before heading back into the restaurant to resume her job of waiting tables.

“couldn’t even give me enough time to finish a whole stick, vince?”

“come on, you know zeff, lorelai.”

lorelai scoffed, “sadly.” she quietly replied, taking off her sunglasses and hanging them around the waistband of her skirt. she took a deep breath in before stepping out of the kitchen doors.

from the rushing and hectic kitchens to the jazzy, dim-lit seating area, the change in atmosphere was nearly enough to give you whiplash. it was, somewhat, a particularly busy hour. though, lorelai’s definition of busy can be extremely different compared to others’. at least, that’s what her best friend likes to say.

the girl walked towards a table of four, her long, black hair swishing behind her as her hips swayed from side to side.

she placed her right hand on her hip, “welcome to baratie, my name’s lorelai. how may i serve you?” it wasn’t uncommon for lorelai to be straight to the point when serving customers, after doing it for over four years, she’d learned it best to just be nonchalant.

“oh, you’re serving us just fine, sweetheart.” the man with orange hair sitting closest to her on her left replied, a conceited-looking smirk creeping onto his lips. however, the comment didn’t receive any sort of reaction from lorelai. she’d gotten used to this since she first started waitressing at baratie at the tender age of 15.

“would you gentlemen prefer to start with some beverages? perhaps some wine, or bleach.” she whispered her last few words to herself, trying her best to be polite.

“right! yes, please. sorry about him.” a smaller, meeker man with curly, dark brown hair and a scar on his lip quickly said, “behave, owen!” he whisper-shouted to his friend, widening his eyes as a warning.

the orange-haired man, owen, only rolled his eyes, not taking his friend seriously at all.

they told her what they wanted to order, having been here before, they didn’t really need to look at the menu to know what they wanted.

“and could i get a side of ‘do you have a boyfriend’?” the other guys at the table groaned either quietly or loudly.

“sorry, we’re all out of that. too many lonely, desperate men had asked for it.” lorelai’s reply has all of them but owen stifling their giggles and laughs. “youch.” one of them commented, side-eyeing their friend.

“i’ll be back with your orders.” she told them, not missing the vein popping out on his forehead. she smugly smiles when she turns around to head back to the kitchen. the moment she enters the cooking stations, a blonde-haired chef grabs her by the waist, dragging her towards him.

“hello, dollface.”

“hello, coworker.” her cold reply has him feigning hurt, “ow? that’s not how you should greet your best friend of ten years.” lorelai’s eyes widened, “dear god. it’s been ten years already? i need to get out more often.” the man frowned, “okay, i was actually jokin’, but that one stung.” he pouted, resting his chin on lorelai’s shoulder.

she could only shake her head, “what do you want, sanji?” she asked, crossing her arms.

the blonde, sanji, grinned, “well…” he pulled away from her and grabbed a spoon with some sort of brown sauce on it.

“open wide!”

“no.”

“come on, open wide for sanji!”

“even more no.”

“here comes the airplane! wooo!”

“if you don’t stop, i’ll kick you.”

“...taste it, please?” lorelai let out a heavy sigh when her best friend pulled out his sad, puppy-dog eyes.

“fine.” upon hearing that word leave her lips, sanji wasted no time and shoved the spoon into her mouth. “how is it?” he asked, taking it out and dropping the utensil into the sink.

throughout their friendship, sanji found that she could always be the best taste-tester when it comes to his food. always sincere, always honest and always blunt, no sugarcoating nonsense. plus, it is extremely hard to please her taste buds and her picky eating habits.

lorelai wrote down the order from the table she waited on as she let the flavour of it run down her tongue.

“too salty, texture’s runny- holy shit, ji. what the hell is this?” the sight of her nose scrunching filled sanji’s heart with joy.

“light soy sauce. just wanted a reason to talk to you.” his answer has her deadpanning immediately, spitting into the sink.

“and now, that will be the last time i ever talk to you.”

“no, i won’t live long if you do that, lorrie!”

she could only roll her eyes for the seventh time that day at his dramatics. “uhuh. table two wants three medium-rare steaks and a chicken caesar salad.” at her words, sanji’s expression morphs into one of disgust. “i know, heathens, am i right?” lorelai’s sarcasm was evident but the blonde chef was too caught up with the fact he had to cook steak like a boring, old robot again.

lorelai pressed her lips together, “hey, cheer up. just cook whatever you want. i’ll convince them to eat it, ji.” she told him, looking everywhere but his eyes.

sanji smiled, “thanks, lorrie, but i don’t want you gettin’ in trouble with the old shitbag.” she snorted, “please. me? in trouble? have you ever heard of such a thing?” her words made him raise an eyebrow.

“just go cook already, you cheeky bastard.” she ushered him in the other direction as she grabbed herself a sliced cucumber and popped it into her mouth to wash the soy sauce’s taste away.

after serving table two their food, and watching sanji and zeff argue over whatever he’s cooking that’s not on the menu(it’s a part of her daily routine at this point), lorelai chewed her gum as she asked them if there was anything else they needed.

“it’s alright! this is all enough.”

“that’s good to hear. if you would like anything else, don’t be shy to ask.”

as they were talking, the orange-haired man had moved his hand to smack her on her rear. unlucky for him, she’d seen it coming a mile away.

with a swift turn, lorelai grabbed his arm with her left hand and twisted it before using her right hand to give him a punch straight to his jaw, sending him flailing to the ground.

“what the fuck!” owen exclaimed, holding his chin and swiping his thumb over his lip, a bright crimson red colouring it. “where’s your boss?! you’re going to get sacked for this, you bitch!” the ginger yelled, standing up. despite towering over her, lorelai could barely feel threatened.

“i don’t think you’d want to call him, you might get a broken, bloodied up nose next.”

“and why the hell would i get that?”

“because he’s my father, numbnuts.” she said with a bored expression, “so, if you don’t want me tellin’ him that you just attempted to slap my arse and risk a limb being torn off, what do we say we eat our food in peace like a good, paying customer?” owen slowly sat down in shame and terror. shame, because the entire restaurant was staring at them, and terror, because he almost got himself a death wish with former pirate, red-leg zeff.

“enjoy your meal.” lorelai simply said with a toothy grin before heading back to the kitchens, her eyes immediately drooping as she was suddenly starting to get sleepy but still mustering up the energy to chew her, now flavourless, gum.

from afar, she could feel four sets of eyes on her. irked, she turned their way and her gaze immediately landed on a boy wearing a straw hat. the boy stared at her with mesmerised eyes and a wide smile. lorelai continued to stare at him with an unreadable expression before his eyes widened and he awkwardly turned back to his friends.

“huh.” she muttered, blowing a bubble before it popped thanks to a certain blonde… waiter?

“now, this is a sight.” lorelai stated, smirking as she eyed sanji up and down in his suit and tie. “i might just thank pops for making you a waiter again.” her joke doesn’t elicit a single chuckle from him, he was obviously quite upset over it.

“yeah, yeah. whatever. what’s up with that table over there?” he gestured to the table of the almost-assaulted-by-ginger-man incident and lorelai shook her head. “nothin’ much. in fact, i think you have a fight to break up over at that table there.” she told him, pointing at the table in front of them with her thumb.

sanji sighed heavily and grabbed a plate of bread, “see you.” he simply told her, walking to that table to put a stop to the argument happening between two men.

lorelai frowned at his demeanour, not used to it at all. of course, he had his bad days but they were rare, and he’d always be cheering up at her jokes or even just by the sight of her. her head was swarming with thoughts as she pushed through the doors of the kitchen, but they soon came to a halt.

“what do you think you’re doin’?”

the black-haired girl silently groaned, “walking.” she grumbled, turning to her dad.

“well, then, you would have no trouble walking back out to serve some tables, hm?” zeff smiled, grabbing two plates of food and handing it to her. “now, get movin’.” he demanded, crossing his arms.

“this is child labour.” lorelai said loudly, as she slowly walked back out the door.

“too late for that now. you’re 19, sweetheart.” zeff’s reply only made lorelai even more annoyed.

she walked towards table seven, placing down their food, “hello, here is your lobster, and here is your pasta.” the couple smiled, “how’d you know whose is whose?” the man asked, “i have a very keen eye.” lorelai gave them a small smile back. that smile immediately vanished as she heard sanji serving the table behind her.

“something wrong with your eye?”

“just blinded by your beauty.”

lorelai swore she also heard a crack in her ear at that. she shook her head and got her former expression back, “enjoy your meal.” she said quickly, rushing back to the kitchen.

ignoring the shouting and calls of her name from her father as she grabbed her sunglasses, a packet of cigarettes and walked through the backdoors of the kitchen.

“break time!” she yelled out, the door swinging behind her as she did.

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soleilnomoon · 2 months

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feels like summer™ 06 — magna swing x y/n (tipsy shenanigans, nsfw)

feels like summer™ 07 — doflamingo x y/n (just doffy being obsessive & the absolute worst, nsfw)

feels like summer™ 08 — gojo x y/n (he’s not that into her, except he rly is; nsfw)

feels like summer™ 09 — killer x y/n (a lil fluff, a lil angst, a lil smut)

feels like summer™ 10 — rayleigh x y/n (rayleigh standing on business, nsfw)

feels like summer™ 11 — nami x y/n (hurt/comfort, nsfw)

feels like summer™ 12 — crocodile x y/n (soft smut™/fluff)

feels like summer™ 13 — law x y/n (romanz, hurt/comfort)

mudano naito x y/n — spoiled heiress & household manager au (angst/nsfw, request)

zoro x y/n — edgelord shenanigans (nsfw, request)

katakuri x y/n — finally reveals his face to y/n (angst/fluff???, request)

law x y/n — pregnancy (nsfw/fluff if u squint, request)

law x y/n — getting caught™ (slight angst/nsfw, request)

lucifer x y/n — just one big angst fest 💛 (angst angst babey, request)

nobara x y/n — frenemy lovers & pumpkin patch shenanigans (angst/fluff, request)

law x y/n, zoro x y/n— firsts™ headcannons (nsfw, request)

law x y/n — princess bubblegum/yandere vibes (angst, request)

zoro x y/n — jealousy pt 2, zoro’s turn (nsfw, request)

zoro x y/n — aphrodisiac pt 2 (nsfw, request)

zoro x y/n – exes angst fest to the max (angst, hurt/eventual comfort, request)

ch. 2 for all the devils are here (arranged marriage au, aki x y/n)

ch. 4 for enfin, je me revéille (college au, eren x y/n)

izou x y/n — cursed mirror au (angst, hurt/comfort, a lil horror maybe)

smoker x y/n — brat tamer (one-shot, nsfw/angst)

lady(bug) killer pt 2 — benn beckman x y/n (angst, hurt/comfort, nsfw)

vinsmoke ichiji x y/n — ficlets

nanami x y/n — modern au, mutual “unrequited” pining; estranged hs friends 2 eventual lovers (slow burn, angst, hurt/comfort, romanz).

ch 2. for papillon (yamato x y/n — enemies 2 lovers)

robin x y/n — lament pt 2

levi x erwin — misdirection pt 2

jean kirschtein x y/n — best friend’s sister au (short series)

snk/aot street racer/drrr vibez au

gojo x y/n — reality tv/competition au pt 2 (angst)

rayleigh x y/n — angst, nsfw, maybe fluff, hurt (no comfort bc i said so) series

erwin x y/n x levi — angel/demon au

sanji x y/n — rival kingdoms au

wolfwood x y/n — priest au, but make it fashion *tyra*

howl x y/n — art world au

nanami x y/n — detective/thief au (lights, camera, action); (angst angst babey, mordor, enemies 2 lovers)

niji x y/n — island gyal/city boi au

doflamingo x y/n — pastries & blue skies pt 2.

eren, jean, erwin, levi, etc. & y/n — heist au

kyouya x y/n x mudano — modern au/new neighbor, old childhood friends (but only one remembers the other)

fuegoleon x y/n, nozel x y/n — academic rivals au

#is she back? mayb. jk i am.#this isn't the finished product so avert ur eyes #wip masterlist #fic writing #ꕤ ꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱ ꕤ kaia’s world.txt #this is my attempt at staying on top of my fics let's see how long it lasts

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thebumblecee · 1 year

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Masterlist

Art one here

I made a masterlist to organise all my works.

I recommended reading the individual tags on each one before starting. I’ve tagged them thoroughly. All explicit unless stated otherwise. ✨

Carlos/TK (only)

Pace yourself for me - knife kink circus au

What hurts the most - jealous|TK

Just Like Heaven - au based on the film, teen/mature rating.

Tiny tastes of Tarlos - tiny little microfics

I’ve had you so many times (and somehow I want more) - nsfw prompt fulfillments

Something so wholesome - Carlos has to overcome his internalised homophobia

When I’m like this you’re the one I trust - break up era, bdsm, platonic D/s relationship. Angst. A lot of angst.

Sub|Carlos series:

How Do You Love - TK has to learn in his feet when Carlos subdrops in front of him.

Gonna please you every way I can - Carlos is punished for breaking the rules.

Carlos/TK/Mateo (only)

Educating Mateo - married Tarlos teach Mateo about BDSM

Carlos/TK/Other

I didn’t know I was starving till I tasted you - porn star au. Multiple pairings (because pornstars)

wishing to be the friction in your jeans - Billy Tyson, yes that one, cucking Carlos with TK

Enjoy, lovelies ✨

#cee speaks #writing #fic list #masterlist for fic #Tarlos #Tarlos fic #of course I will be adding to this as I go along #until it becomes unmanageable #this is my attempt to organise the chaos #this is mostly for me to keep track #also look at that! since September after not writing since 2016 #fucking go ME

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snowcandyz · 2 years

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The Letter Under The Shoes

Genre: Dark, Heavy Angst

Main Characters: Satan, Lucifer, Solomon, Simeon

Summary: MC felt responsible for what happened in Lesson 37.

Warning: Contains spoiler for Lessons 37 & 38. Also contains heavy themes like self-hatred, self-sacrifice, suicidal attempts, depressive themes, abusive and negligence relationships, toxic relationships and a major character's death. Please proceed with caution. AVOID READING IF THE TW MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 [Heavy contents ahead]

Part 4

Epilogue

#obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me satan #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #obey me simeon #obey me dark #obey me angst #obey me masterlist #tw self blame #tw self sacrifice #tw sui attempt #tw depressing thoughts #tw abuse #tw toxic family #tw toxic parents #tw character death

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wtfwayne · 1 year

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Elliot's Masterlist

───────────────────

— Formula One

x || There's no place I'd rather be than in your arms [Charles & Max. 2.6k words]

x || R U Mine? [Charles Leclerc x fem!OC, social media fic]

x || For a better day [Max Verstappen x fem!OC, social media fic]

x || Wrong Number [Oscar Piastri x fem!oc. texting & social media fic]

#elliot attempts at writing #masterlist #writing #idk what the hell i'm doing #help #wilbur soot fanfic #formula one fanfiction

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bisexualchrissycunningham · 1 year

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❤️‍🔥 my hellcheer masterlist ❤️‍🔥

the promise 📚 || wip || rated m || wc 9k || eddie agrees to let chrissy tutor him and just as they're catching feelings, vecna settles on his first target - eddie.

a new sensation 💖 || one shot || rated e || wc 4k || chrissy is living her second life post-vecna and she's determined to make it count, starting with repairing her broken relationship with her body aka the one where chrissy masturbates & gets herself off for the first time.

no unbeatable odds 🎲 || wip || rated mature (eventual explicit) || wc 44k and counting || established relationship with background rockie, stali, jancy & argyle/eden || the gang beat vecna and decide to go on a graduation road trip to vegas, where robin and vickie come to terms with their feelings for each other, steve meets kali, and chrissy and eddie wake up one morning to find themselves married.

crimson clover 💔 || part 1 of 2 || rated t || wc 4k || unhappy ending || in a world where vecna succeeded & hawkins has been quarantined, chrissy is hospitalized with serious injuries and struggles with her anger and resentment towards eddie after he abandoned her in his trailer.

#hellcheer #thought it was time to make one of these #my writing #masterlist #please feel free to reblog!#this is an attempt at self promo

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bejaeyoung · 4 months

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hello everyone!

this is velvet (beyuwol) with a second muse!! sorry for the incredibly late intro i have no excuse (got and started my first 9 to 5 job after i sent my reserve in so that was perfect timing all around!) so i will just continue on with introducing my new guy.

he’s song jaeyoung jay! pls call him jay he’s trying to get rid of his name as a whole LMAO. and because i haven’t finished his pages underneath the cut i’ll have a few tidbits about him plus plot ideas. woo!

what do they always say? right! LIKE THIS POST if you’d like to plot and i’ll cha cha slide right into your ims. i also have discord / twitter upon request so feel free to ask for those too. on with the circus show!

TRIVIA

born to politicians who have gotten used to using what influence they have for their own favours and he grew up in a rather toxic household

his sister is hannaxbe and he’s the only one he loves under that roof, would fight lions for her

grew up to be a reckless and impulsive child. his parents can’t be assed to figure out how to parent so they’d often drop him off at their family friend’s orphanage because they thought he would learn something from being around other children

ended up loving being there more than he does at home. would go along with them to charity performances, would grow up loving to perform for the children, that’s where he fell in love with music as a whole really

parents are still terrible politicians, they’d try to hone his skills so he’d look like the perfect child but he refuses to join any of their corrupt companies and kept up with charity performances (which they let him because it ‘makes the family look good’ but that pisses him off too)

currently a criminal justice major even tho his parents want him to be a politician too

became an underground producer called PROD. J! would have loved collabing with people and even being a ghost writer for anyone tbh. tho the latter he would be picky about

is also a vtuber on youtube! has a separate channel for that. sometimes he uploads song covers too, but it’s mostly a gaming channel. there’s a specific date where he uploads song covers tho

his vtuber vibes would be mostly like watarai hibari or claude clawmark both from njsj if you know them

his brain runs 10 miles per hour and he likes making people laugh even though he looks like an emo boy and refuses to cut his hair

would also draw notes on walls and floors if he’s suddenly hit with inspiration so there’s that too. dwbi

may come off as arrogant at times… he doesn’t mean to be sometimes he just talks

he’s… kinda lonely but never acknowledges that!!!!

wears headphones wherever he goes

PLOT IDEAS

friends he might have made from the orphanage!

in that same vein ^ childhood friends. the only ones who still call him jaeyoung probably lol

gaming friends/streamer friends that he would’ve collabed with as a vtuber

people who might have commissioned his underground producer services, he could ghostwrite too tbh

people who watches his vtubing streams and figured out that the weirdo drawing on walls is the guy behind the model LMAO

highschool friends! would’ve known his identity as underground producer & vtuber from the get go

an ex he wouldn’t have been serious about because his heart lies… elsewhere xd

trainee friends that he can bother and convince to sneak out and let loose and have a bit of fun training isn’t all there is to life!

well he’s kind of annoying so i’m sure there will be people out there who don’t click with his rather eccentric vibe… but might wanna work with him solely for his music capabilities?

someone who thinks he’s wasting his potential by being a… weirdo

someone who might’ve caught him in one of the charity performances and oh! he’s not that bad…? thought he was just like his infamous parents!

someone who knew him from his family name / thru fancy events / nepobaby connections. could be negative or positive!

he can play the guitar & piano/keyboard too for those who wanna have jam sessions!

if you have ideas of your own pls hmu bc i love brainstorming too!!

#be:intro #/ back to attempting sleep #will get to welcome messages soon 🙏#and going thru the masterlist lol

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