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ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes · 7 months

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The Phoenix and the Crow

part twenty-two

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: fluff(?), neutral

el's thoughts: nina and y/n's friendship >>>> okay that's all :) it's a pretty short chapter... but i hope you enjoy!

series masterlist

Everything hurt. And why was the room moving?

Y/N came awake slowly, her thoughts jumbled. She remembered the thrust of Oomen’s knife, climbing the crates, people shouting as she dangled from the tips of her fingers. Come on down, Phoenix. But Kaz had returned for her. They must have made it onto the Ferolind.

She tried to roll over, but the pain was too intense, so she settled for turning her head. Nina was drowsing on a stool tucked into the corner by the table, Y/N’s hand grasped loosely in her own.

“Nina,” she croaked. Her throat felt like it was coated in wool.

Nina jolted awake. “I’m up!” she blurted, then peered blearily at Y/N. “You’re awake.” She sat up straighter. “Oh, Saints, you’re awake!”

And then Nina burst out crying.

Y/N tried to sit up, but could barely lift her head.

“No, no,” Nina said. “Don’t try to move, just rest.”

“Are you okay?”

Nina started to laugh through her tears. “I’m fine. You’re the one who got stabbed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just so much easier to kill people that take care of them.” Y/N blinked, and then they both started laughing. “Owwww,” groaned Y/N. “Don’t make me laugh. That feels awful.”

Nina winced. “How do you feel?”

“Sore, but not terrible. Thirsty.”

Nina offered her a tin cup full of cold water. “It’s fresh. We had rain yesterday.”

Y/N sipped carefully, letting Nina hold her head up. “How long was I out?”

“Three days, almost four. Jesper is driving us all crazy. I don’t think I’ve seen him sit still for more than two minutes together.” She stood up abruptly. “I need to tell Kaz you’re awake! We thought-”

“Wait,” Y/N said, grabbing for Nina’s hand. “Just… can we not tell him right away?”

Nina sat back down, her face puzzled. “Sure, but-”

“Just for tonight.” She paused. “Is it night?”

“Yes. Just past midnight, actually.”

“Do we know who came after us at the harbor?”

“Pekka Rollins. He hired the Black Tips and the Razorgulls to keep us from getting out of Fifth Harbor.”

“How did he know where we were leaving from? How did he do anything about it? I thought Kaz took care of him?”

“We’re not entirely sure yet.”

“I saw Oomen-”

“Oomen’s dead. Kaz killed him.”

“He did?”

“Kaz killed a lot of people. Rotty saw him go after the Black Tips who had you up on the crates. I believe his exact words were, ‘There was enough blood to paint a barn red.’”

Y/N closed her eyes. “So much death. And yet it never sticks with me. How many close calls have I had now?”

“Too many for comfort.”

“Maybe, but not enough to cause any actual harm apparently.”

Nina eyed the Inferni skeptically. “What are you talking about?”

She sighed, “Nothing.”

“He was afraid for you.”

Y/N hummed in confusion before she realized what she was talking about. Kaz. “Kaz isn’t afraid of anything.”

“You should’ve seen his face when he brought you to me.”

“I’m a very valuable investment.”

Nina’s jaw dropped. “Tell me he didn’t say that.”

“Not directly, but it was heavily implied.”

“Idiot.”

“How’s Matthias?”

“Also an idiot. Do you think you can eat?”

Y/N shook her head. She didn’t feel hungry at all.

“Try,” urged Nina. “There wasn’t much of you to begin with.”

“I just want to rest for now.”

“Of course,” Nina said. “I’ll turn down the lantern.”

Y/N reached for her again. “Don’t. I don’t want to go back to sleep yet.”

“I could read to you if I had anything to read. There’s a Heartrender at the Little Palace who can recite epic poetry for hours. Then you’d wish you had died.”

Y/N laughed then winced. “Don’t say that. I find Toyla’s poetry entertaining.”

Silence settled over the two in a comforting blanket. Neither making a move to break it, only basking in its presence, but after a few moment Y/N spoke up. “Talk to me.”

“Your eyes are drooping. You should sleep.”

“Don’t like boats. Nightmares.”

“Me too.”

“Sing something, then.”

Nina laughed, “Remember what I said about wishing you were dead? You really do not want to hear me sing. Plus I only know old Ravkan folk tunes and Kerch drinking songs.”

Y/N hummed, “Ravkan folk tunes. Something nostalgic.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The Heartrender started to sing in their mother tongue and the girl on the table fought hard to hold back her laughter.

“You’re right. You couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

“I told you that.”

“Go on.”

Nina’s voice was really terrible. But it helped to keep Y/N on this boat, at this moment. She didn’t want her mind drifting to all her nightmares from when she was a child. When she was a child and used to run free in the fields with her brother. Their mother calling them home to eat, their father bringing sweets home for them from town.

“Catch me!” The small voice was heard over the strong autumn winds that blew around them as the young child threw themselves into Y/N’s arms. She laughed and spun her brother around the best a ten-year-old could do to a six-year-old.

“Oooh a stowaway on my ship?” She bounced him onto her hip to keep him up. He shook his head fervently as peels of laughter fell from his small pink lips. “You know what I do to stowaways?” She spoke in a loud voice making it deeper to fit the character she acted out. The little boy laughed louder, “No! No! Please!”

“I’m sorry, young man, but it must be done!” She giggled as she tossed him into the giant pile of leaves their father gathered that morning. They both laughed louder as she threw herself down next to him.

She fought to keep her tears at bay, pushing the memory of her brother out of her mind.

Nina was still singing, something about a sailor who abandoned his sweetheart. A vaguely familiar melody.

“Teach me the chorus again, Neens.”

“You should rest.”

“Chorus.”

So Nina taught her the words, and they sang together, fumbling through the verses, hopelessly out of key, until the lanterns burned out.

~*~

taglist: @katherinereid @littlecat21 @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @brekkershadowsinger @brekkers-desigirl @clunaes @wonderland2425 @bookloverfilmoholic @karensirkobabes

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagines #ellora.writes

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kahlanmars · 6 months

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PAPER RINGS part. 5

Ehi, I felt like I needed to know a bit of Marjorie's pov so... enjoy!

MASTERLIST

5. Marjorie

MARJORIE’S POINT OF VIEW

Marjorie. Marjorie. My name is Marjorie, not Inez.

Marjorie Tyrell, the daughter of the baker.

Now, the name of the baker is not Caiys Tyrell, it's Mellark. Matthias Mellark, I used to know him, he was my father's apprentice. A young boy, a little younger than me, with golden hair and blue eyes. My father wanted us married, but my eyes weren't for him and he had a huge crush on another blonde girl.

Peeta Mellark, I don't know him. His son. Not with the blonde girl. He looks a little like his father, but less melancholic, Matthias always had a look that screamed “I don’t want to be here”.

Matthias is dead, with his wife and his other sons. Also Atilius Everdeen, and most of the friends I had when I was in Twelve.

I still can’t believe I’m in Twelve again. The day I left I was sixteen, frightened and crushed by the death of my parents.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I went to sleep exhausted from the work in the bakery, but happy because Haymitch was alive, he won the Hunger Games and he was going home in a few days. The plan was always the same for every couple in the district: a wedding, a long marriage and maybe a kid, even if the thought of having a kid with a victor was dangerous.

Haymitch. I loved him so much, and I was a little girl who dreamed about simple dreams. I made him beg for months before giving him a kiss. I regret it now, but it was a good costume for a good girl, and he was quite a looker, there were stories about him and girls in the meadow, more than one. I was coming from a wealthy family for the district’s standard and he was from the seam, my father was not pleased, I was the only daughter, I was supposed to marry well. But my father loved me and after a moment of uncertainty he gave up, as long as I was happy. That night, I was happy.

That night everything fell.

I woke up screaming, fire all around me and the smoke was so heavy I couldn’t see anything. I screamed for my mom, my papa, but nobody answered until I fainted, sure I was going to die.

I died, in a way. Part of me is still sixteen, trapped in that small bed on fire.

Thirteen saved me instead. They were planning to use me as a leverage for Haymitch, to force his hand to join the cause. I don’t know why the plan didn’t proceed, maybe he was too young or… I don’t know. I didn’t know at the time, I was in the hospital, severely traumatized. A nurse, a lovely woman named Carol, suggested that I abandon my name for another one. I refused for months, too proud, because Marjorie was a family name, my grandmother’s name. But when I finally understood I was never going to return to Twelve, I asked for advice on the new name.

She didn’t answer, but her son did. “I like Inez”, he simply said, “It comes from a ballad, she is not the nicest but she has character”. He was visiting his mother at work, I was only in the hospital and I didn’t see him before. And with that, Antonius was in my life.

It was a year after my death. The more he came to visit me, the more I felt guilty about Haymitch. I watched him on television on a regular basis, and the feelings that were growing for Antonius were cheating.

Antonius was the opposite of him. His hair was dark and his eyes hazel, he wasn’t tall and he was very, very thin, but his smile was contagious and he was always in a happy mood. He asked me out for a long time, but I always explained I wasn’t free, I had a fiancé and I was loyal to him. He was patient, but he looked at me like he was pitying me. Then, one day, he dared.

“But… Marjorie was promised. Inez is not.”

I don’t know if I loved him like I loved Haymitch. At sixteen I was a little girl who dreamed about a wedding and I was content to have what my mother had, and I cared for him like a sixteen year old could do. I was jealous of the other girls at school, and I cherished the ribbons I gave him like a wedding ring.

I’m trying not to say I was stupid, but I was at least naivé.

At eighteen, despite being still young, I was a woman with a conscience and I was carrying baggage that wasn’t light, and Antonius was my rock. We got married in October, a year later, I had a beautiful white dress and a pearl necklace. I followed Carol’s path and became her apprentice first, and then a nurse like her. Everything went fine for a bit.

Then the plague crushed us.

It was a pox outbreak. Carol died first, and I was so sad because she became like a second mother to me, and we were so worried that I might catched it since I worked in a hospital, but then Antonius started coughing.

I remember the sensation. Like everything was falling again. I remember the sadness, the darkest moment of my life, I remember the anger, don’t you dare dying on me, my love, don’t you dare lose me. I remember discovering the hard truth that I was alone again.

I remember his eyes becoming vitreous, his face paler.

I screamed for hours, I refused to let go of his body. I tried to scratch the guards, to hurt them like I was hurt. I wanted to die with him.

Maybe it would’ve been better.

The following years have been a struggle both to live and to tell. It was hard to go out of the bed, hard to eat, hell, even hard to breathe, but the district had their rules and I was a nobody.

Then rumors about the revolution spreaded again. I watched Haymitch on television every year, and I noticed the change in his appearance. I knew him as a handsome boy with a smug expression on his face, and now he was a broken man.

I thought Katniss and Peeta’s year would have been the hardest to watch, because for the first time in twenty years Twelve had a chance of winning, but then Daisy Pinecone came the year after.

I liked her at first, she seemed like a sweet girl, and she was Holly’s daughter so I wanted her alive, but she looked like she had a few chances. Too kind, with her princess dresses and flowers in her hair, waving and smiling like she was a movie star rather than a tribute to the Hunger Games.

The interview has been one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Daisy giggling and telling Caesar and the cameras that she was in love with a man from her district, Clark’s revelation, all was followed by Thirteen citizens staring at me like I was a poor sad old woman. Pitying me.

It wasn’t right to hold it against him. I had Antonius, I loved him, I was a widow and not his widow. Still, I couldn’t help trying to find out as much as I could. The magazines Thirteen used to steal for information helped me a lot. Apparently, Daisy was his housekeeper. Daisy was twenty four years old and he was forty one. Daisy was head over heels for him, and Daisy was beautiful.

When I saw him again I thought I was hallucinating. He thought the same thing, and for a while I let him believe that. I couldn’t think now I’d have my chance, and at the same time I was feeling guilty about Antonius.

I knew from the start Haymitch wasn’t going to replace him. Inez was married to him, I built a life with him, we were planning on having children together, we dreamed about a girl, he would have loved the name “Ivy”. I liked the name because ivy is a plant, and in district Twelve it is common to use the plant's names. It reminded me of home. At night we used to describe her, to describe our family, how everything was going to change because Thirteen would have been free soon and our daughter could have run in the grass, carefree like only a child could be.

Nothing happened, and every time I looked at Haymitch I felt the sting of the guilt hitting me.

Haymitch was changed. He wasn’t the young man I fell in love with, he was a broken man just like I was a broken woman. He was yellow from the drunk addiction, he shaked badly and his moods were swinging like a chandelier. He wasn’t an easy man.

I could see he tried, he really tried. He tried not to be angry with me because I left him, he thought I was dead and for years he didn’t dare to be with another woman because he thought everyone he touched was going to be hurt.

He tried to be in love with me, and not to the memories he had of me. And he tried to reprime the feelings he had for Daisy.

He failed.

The only good thing that came out of the revolution is Holly Pinecone. The fifteen year old girl who used to babysit you, the nineteen year old friend who lost you, found you again. Holly was still resolute, strong and determined, she was a rock.

Daisy, on the other hand, was insufferable. I believe some of this sentiment is due to jealousy, but I still don’t like her from the bottom of my heart. She is entitled, spoiled, she believes everyone should love her just because her face is pretty and she has doe eyes, she is incapable of taking the blame even once and she is so shallow and superficial you would believe she is from Capitol City.

Haymitch says “Yes” to everything she proposes, he follows her around like a lovesick puppy. Chaff mocks him with a motto, “What Daisy wants Daisy has” and he is completely right. You don’t get it, you don’t get how a person like this could be loved by Haymitch. But she saved my life and I owed her that, she could have left me to die in that room and then create a story about it. And she gave me a new purpose, she gave me Ivy.

Ivy is the light of my life. That blonde girl is perfect and every bone in my body wants to protect her. Sometimes I forget she is not mine by blood, now she begins to have mine gestures, and she calls me mom.

After the revolution I thought everything was going to be okay. It’s not.

I can’t be a nurse in Twelve without the folders from Thirteen, and Thirteen now has bigger problems than me (not to mention Thirteen is not fond of Twelve right now). I don’t have much money, because in Thirteen you don’t need them, the food is free and you have to work for the district, not for you. I have two pieces of clothes because for years I just had a uniform, so Holly had to help me. And as much as I love the place where I was born, I’m not used to it anymore. The sun hurts me after half an hour, there are too many people, it’s unbearable most of the time.

Haymitch quickly becomes the only friend I have except for Holly. He is quiet, silent and he is not coping well with her absence, but he is also caring and he is doing everything in his power to help me.

I don’t know why I did what I did. Maybe because I saw them at the hob yesterday. Stealing kisses like teenagers, giggling for everything and nothing, and she was on him, sitting on his lap and eating from his plate, feeding him in a restaurant. Undignified. Embarrassing. I don’t have that anymore, I don’t have Antonius and it’s not right. It may not be the kindest thought, and I may not be the kindest person but I lost everything and it hurts.

I don’t know why I kissed him. I’m not even sure I love him anymore. I love sixteen year old Haymitch. But seeing him with another person, with her of all people…

I didn’t plan it. I’m not an evil mastermind, I just forgot Ivy’s teddy bear picking her up earlier and she was crying her heart out and I needed to sleep so bad. But when I knocked at the door his blue eyes were sparkling and I instantly knew something was wrong, because it’s Haymitch and he rarely cries, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry. When he told me he got into a fight with Daisy I, I stopped thinking. Everything I wanted was there, a stitch to fix everything that went wrong in my life. He could have fixed everything. He could have become a great father for Ivy, a good husband for me.

But of course Daisy had to be back in that exact moment. Of course she had to see it and be hurt and it doesn't matter if she did the same thing to me months ago, because she is in the right and I’m in the wrong.

And now, I’m the bitch. The slut. The woman who didn’t understand the situation, and Haymitch even talk to me anymore.

DAISY’S POINT OF VIEW

You don’t want to get up. You don’t want to show up and smile and nod, you just want to stay under the cover to think about your memories.

Yesterday morning, all you have to do is go back to yesterday morning. Just a little step. You remember going into the house with Haymitch, so happy you were back for a whole week instead of two days. You remember his callous big hands stripping you from your clothes and your jeans and top on the floor, his shirt on a chair, his trousers soon following, your giggles and his moans.

Cuddling after sex was something he never did before you, he confessed one day, and you are very proud of it. You are a cuddler, this is extremely important for you but you suspect he is fond of it too now. When you tried to get out of the bed he quickly tightened the grip.

«My love…» He whispers in your ear, knowing too well how it affects you. He doesn’t say these words often, he calls you Sweetheart or Gorgeous, but not “Love”. “Love” is for the important things. Like when he really, really missed you.

«We have to get ready! For the restaurant!» You remind him, but he dismisses it. His nose is in your hair and you can feel his consent sigh. You want to see his blue eyes that become mysteriously gray when they are full of emotions, but you are cozy like this. The little spoon. Always the little spoon.

«The sheets are more comfortable. You are more comfortable.» He murmurs, physically shielding you from everything. This is the Haymitch you prefer: protective, loving and naked in your bed. His arms are around you and his kisses are soft against your raven hair. A week, a whole week without him.

«The food will be tasty. Think about it, delicious meals and an exquisite dessert… don’t you want to devour it?» You don’t miss the bite he playfully gives you or the bulge in his boxers growing against your core. «Am I turning you on talking about food, Mr. Abernathy?»

This is not really his fault, when you talk to him your voice usually becomes a seductive purr. You wonder if there will be a time when you’ll speak like a normal person to him, even annoyed sometimes. There will come a time when you’ll stop preparing for hours before meeting him? When you’ll stop searching his gaze to see if he is watching you, or you won’t need him close during a party? You don’t know. Definitely not now.

«You always turn me on, Mrs. Abernathy.» He answers you, his hands going south and if you weren’t still recovering from a shattering orgasm you would be attacking him much worse right now.

«That’s flattering and I will gladly take care of it later, right now I’m hungry.» You remind him. The weekends and your week in Twelve is the only time you can eat properly, and you don’t miss the irony in this. You can eat in Twelve and you starve in the Capitol.

«Let me kiss this pout first…» The giggles that follow are so undignified and goofy it would be embarrassing if someone sees the scene. But you feel really, really happy and when you are happy you like to joke.

«Would you love me if I was a worm?» You ask him, sure he will call you crazy. This is a routine question, and you don’t really need to know it, you just want to annoy him a little. He is hot when he glares at you.

«Born a worm or transformed?» He wants to know instead. He is patting your hair and you lift your head to see him better. To be fair he is glaring at you, but with a look that mixes mockery and fondness. As he is thinking “She is crazy but she is my girlfriend and I love her”.

«Transformed. By a wicked witch.» You invent.

«Then yes. Well, no. I mean, I would protect the worm but it wouldn’t be you anymore.» That makes sense, but it’s not the answer you want from him. Still, he is not the romantic type so you can settle for it. Honestly you’d never thought he could have been such a great boyfriend.

«What if I’m screaming inside the worm’s mind?»

«Then you would be the cutest worm and I will buy you an apple.» He concludes with a kiss on your lips. «You are insane, that’s what you are.»

«You really love me.» You state, with something quite like surprise. He must really love you to put up with this. Not only the conversation, but the cleaning too, the cooking, and the efforts to stay calm in every discussion.

«Yeah, Sweetheart, usually when you marry someone you love them. It would be annoying otherwise.» His tone is mocking, but his eyes are telling the truth. His eyes are sparkling and in this moment you really believe he will love you for worse or for better.

«No, I mean I know but sometimes, like now… I feel it.»

Was it real? He didn’t show up. You almost hoped he would show up in Four, maybe Finnick asked him to, maybe not. You know he called Effie, but not him. Well, if Effie knows it it means he can know where you are.

But you slapped him, a voice remembers you. You feel so guilty about the slap, you feel like you are a bad person.

But he kissed Marjorie.

You always joke about how pretty a girl or a boy is, mostly with him, because you like to see him jealous. You would never act on it, though. He is the love of your life and no one can compare, for you it’s pretty simple. Everyone else is too boring, too… not enough, maybe. Not enough blond, not enough tall, not enough Haymitch.

For him it’s not the same, apparently. And yet you are sure he loved you, so what changed? Is your relationship just about sex now? Is it all over? You want someone who gives you the answers, but you won’t find anybody because only you and him know it. Or maybe just him, because you don’t feel like you know much right now.

Marjorie is fitter for him. She is his age, and this is honestly too much of a fairy tale. They were separated, they reunited, happy ending, the end. Like in one of the movies you like so much. And who are you in this narration? The step along the line, just before the destination? Or are you the wicked witch in the story, and she is the worm?

She is not the bad guy, you have to remember that. Well now you hate her, but if Haymitch really kissed her too, he is the one to blame.

You miss him. You miss being in his arms, telling him about stupid things during the day, you miss his humming when he cooks and you even miss the stupid geese. And you want to know better the cat, who is already so attached to Haymitch you don’t think you will ever compare.

You get it, you grow attached quickly too.

«Come on Daisy, wake up.»

Finnick’s voice actually wakes you up a little, just because you feel guilty. You see him and Annie in the kitchen, his blue luggage against the door, but they are hugging. Finn is sleeping, you’ve never seen such a calm baby before.

All the Victor’s houses are pretty much the same, but theirs is near the ocean, so it’s windy and chilly in the morning. You hug your cardigan close to your chest, but you feel the cold in your bones.

«Are you sure you don’t want to come, my love?» He asks Annie, who shakes her head. She is always so grateful, and especially today in her cobalt blue dress. She looks like a fairy.

«Mags will help me here, and she says she is hosting Tigris, so she will be here too.» Oh, Tigris. You wish you could say hello to her. Tigris was a stylist too before President Snow got rid of her, she trained Cinna and Portia, you bet she could teach you something too. «I hate Capitol City.»

«You don’t have to accompany me.» You remind Finnick. You don’t like that he comes with you and without Annie. You admit you rushed into his arms because he is your friend and you do have the tendency of saving each other, but you thought he and Annie would have given you a cup of tea and some cookies. Finnick decided he had to come with you to the city instead, to help you settle your life there.

«I need to do some stuff in the city anyway, I’ll do it now.»

«Don’t worry Daisy, I can handle it.» Annie adds. You know Annie is strong, but she is also fragile, severely traumatized and Finnick is a great help. You suppose Mags will enjoy her time with her grandson, anyway. And Tigris will help too. You can’t give an age to Tigris, but if she knew Snow from her childhood she must be eighty-something.

Finnick wants to “rescue you”, he wants you to have fun so you won’t think about him. It doesn’t work that way, but it can’t be this wrong to try it.

On the train you want to sleep a little more, to dream a little more, but he doesn’t concede it to you.

«Effie will host me.» He informs you, and he hands you a bag of chips. You didn’t eat a bag of chips in months, if Capitol City is the only place where you can find them - surely not in Twelve - in the fashion environment this food is considered a sin.

«Poor Effie. Maybe I can pay you a room in a hotel, I have money now.» Well not much. You spent a lot on the wedding, to help Holly and on Effie’s meals, and life in the Capitol is so expensive you didn’t save much. But it’s not right that she hosts him because of you, she is so kind but she’s not working right now.

Well, maybe this is the thing you can focus on. You can help your friends. This way you won’t think about Haymitch and you will do good. You have read a book about this one time and you are sure it ended well. Perla is okay right now, with a new job and a new relationship, but Lora and Effie are the priority.

«Effie adores me.» He counters, and you know what he is doing. He is trying to distract you, and it’s not exactly working but his eyes are so pleading you decide to humor him. He doesn’t need to do all this, the fact that he tries only proves he is a great friend.

«Effie adores me more.» You still deadpan, because Effie is yours.

«I don’t think so, you are just the youngest child.»

«You are so jealous!» And you are jealous too, like you can be jealous of a big sister during a birthday party.

«I’m simply stating facts.» He is not, you are definitely the favorite. «To be serious, though… I always liked her. She was an escort and let me tell you, escorts were not that good. She has always been kind. Capitol, yes, so she was brainwashed and sometimes she showed it, but she was never mean. Not intentionally at least.»

«She sounds like Effie.» You smile. Effie Trinket will always be a mystery for you. How can a person so shallow and superficial can also be selfless and generous? She grew up rich in a lavish environment, and yet she can be compassionate and she empathizes, she is kind, but she is self-absorbed. You have her flaws too, not really sure about her qualities.

«It is rare that someone from Capitol City is so nice. When I was fourteen and I won, most of them watched me like I was a price, not a person. She always saw me as a kid.» You remember his speech in Thirteen and you suppress the urge to hug him, because he would see it as pity and hate it.

«Can’t you do something for her? I mean me and Haymitch, the government hates us now, but you are still just a hero. She is not in a good place right now. She needs a job! She has always had a job, when she was a teenager she started modeling and then she became an escort. She doesn’t cope well with the fact that she can’t work now. And nobody is going to employ her, because she is the last escort alive and blah blah blah.»

You are really worked up in your speech and when you see him he is watching you like you have two heads. But he doesn’t understand, you just need a program and then you will fix everything.

«And you want me to…?»

«Bribe someone.» You answer bluntly. «Of course you can’t tell her, she needs to think she did it on her own. And in a fair world she would do it so it’s okay, it’s not lying it’s… manipulating fate a little. But for a good cause.»

He rolls his eyes. You can understand his doubts, you two grew up in a world where those who broke the law got their tongue cut. «That’s against the law.»

«I know but she is Effie. Our Effie! She would do it for you.»

«I’ll try, okay? I’ll try. But I don’t promise you anything, Daisy, I have no guarantee. I’m still from the districts.»

Try is okay. You can make it happen. Everybody will be happy and you won’t think about your… is he your ex? About Haymitch.

Part one of the mission is on.

#haymitch x fem!reader #bad feeling #haymitch abernathy x you #haymitch imagine #haymitch x reader #the hunger games #haymitch abernathy #fanfiction #haymitch abernathy x reader #woody harrelson #daisy pinecone #princess daisy #paper rings #thg series #thg fanfiction #thg #thg katniss #finnick odair

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fanfic-recs-01 · 10 months

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Wesper Fics

This is just a list of all the Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck fics I like on AO3, if you have any recs for me feel free to send me some!

Updated 12/18/23

not the time by faheyslvr

~Jesper meets a washed up ‘runaway’ for the first time, and gets to know him far too well, all too quickly.

Wylan just cares for his safety, and doesn’t hesitate to prove it to him.~

kintsugi (but were they ever really broken?) by fyrnacular

~'That was why the Barrel suited him. Everyone knew well enough to leave the past alone. All they had were the steps left to take, the days left to live, the shots left to fire. You just had to make them worth happening.'~

a mess of stars and scars by TheOriginalHypnokid

~Wylan hated the idea of soulmarks. Jesper loved them.

basically a retelling of soc and ck but with soulmarks because i'm a sucker for a soulmates au. wesper focused~

Two Weeks of Tutoring by Feriku

~Wylan Van Eck signs up as a math tutor for a simple reason: to escape his oppressive home for an extra hour each day. Anything is better than staying there, even dealing with unrequited feelings for a student who hates him.

Jesper Fahey, who would rather have a good time than study, sees no need for a tutor--especially not a rich brat who panics at the slightest hint of flirtation.

But when Jesper reluctantly agrees to endure two weeks of tutoring, neither of them is prepared for how it will change their lives.~

The Face Behind the Phone by Feriku

~When Wylan Van Eck moves ahead to take math and science classes with the grade above him, he immediately catches Jesper's eye. Unfortunately, deep self-esteem and trust issues prevent Wylan from opening up to anyone--at least until he begins an anonymous texting conversation with one of his classmates.~

group projects (and how quickly things change) by people_watching

~How Wylan and Nina became friends, told through an English project and queer bonding.~

i'll tell you the truth (but never goodbye) by glitching_out

~The scene near the end of soc where Jesper thinks Wylan died, except they're already dating. Based on show!wesper (warning: angst)~

out of the forest (into a home) by stillthestars

~The scene near the end of soc where Jesper thinks Wylan died, except they're already dating. Based on show!wesper (warning: angst)~

Hug Your Sunshine by Silverstar1

~It wasn’t a problem, not really, it was just that sometimes, when Jesper looped an arm around his shoulders or Nina tousled his hair as she bustled past, his voice became caught up in his throat and his eyes stung for no apparent reason.~

Or: Wylan and touch starvation.

bang bang by Anonymous

~He watches, confused, struck dumb, as Anika step up close to Wylan. Cutting him off and making him stop. She steps closer, really close, and pulls out her pistol, which is strange. Why would she do that, he thinks? Baffling. Except she does, and just swings her hand up to his forehead and then - ~

Vellgeluck Re-Imagined by Imoisok

~Aka, a rewrite of most of the wesper moments in the last chapter of Six of Crows based on the show!wesper’ pre-established relationship and the fact Jesper already knows Wylan can’t read.~

Ink-Stained Fingers, Wood-Carved Hearts by Mara97

~When Wylan fled for his life, he hadn't expected to end up working in the service of King Nikolai. He especially hadn't expected his partner would be a charming fabrikator that would steal away his heart one conversation at a time. If Wylan only could read his soulmark, he would know if they were destined to grow old together or not.~

What is in a name? by lottielots11

~Basically, just a re-write of the scene in SOC when we first meet Wylan and discover his parentage. Wylan realising he was going to have to come into fairly close contact with his father again and how he might feel about that.~

at the end of the day by dragons658

~In which Matthias is forced to be on a heist, but somehow ends up bonding with Wylan and begrudgingly being friends.~

ís by linchuue

~The night Wylan Van Eck takes his fate into his own hands, he leans into the warm embrace of late night motorcycle rides, the people that have become his family, and the boy he loves.~

Little lamb by AltaVifa

~"I'm more than willing to protect the little lamb if needed." Matthias said and Jesper (despite 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 and 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 to act casual) felt a weird feeling on his stomach, a feeling that he hadn't felt before but 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 didn't like.~

more like you by sunshineriptiee

~Jesper was… confused watching this play out.When they had first all been in the same room, Wylan had seemed terrified of Helvar. Which made sense, he was an intimidating guy! But now, there was an ease in the way Wylan would turn to him, double checking he didn’t get anything wrong when explaining. If Jesper didn’t mistake it, Helvar even smiled.~

A Valentine for Jesper by Feriku

~Behind all his flirtation and jokes, Jesper Fahey secretly worries no one will ever want a serious relationship with him. Meanwhile, Wylan Van Eck struggles to work up the courage to confess his feelings to the older boy.~

Blood, Guts, Angel Cake by hopeisbloody

~Jesper accidentally crashes Jan Van Eck's funeral and meets Wylan, the now insanely rich heir intent on destroying his father's legacy (and company).~

The Difficulty of Telling the Truth by mental_escalation

~One of Wylan´s worst fears comes true: His true identity gets revealed - by Kaz. Everything seems to fall apart after.~

Matilda by BetterNameToCome (SpoonDeficiency)

~Jesper knew Wylan was a private person, but he hadn't realized just how much his boyfriend was hiding until Kaz outs him as the runaway son of one of the most powerful men in the city.~

Misinterpreted reflexes and night time cuddles by crawlingupawall

~Nina notices Wylan flinching whenever her and Jesper touch him. Not wanting to scare him, they decide to completely stop all physical affection without discussing it. Wylan is confused and sad.~

The Start Of Something Bigger by JumpingInMuddyPuddles

~A confrontation gone wrong, Jesper finds himself knee deep in Black-Tip territory, suffering a bullet wound to the side and seperated from Kaz and the rest of his crew. He finds one Wylan Van Eck down a backstreet, a new addition to the Barrel, and a boy who is determined to help him, whether Jesper wants him to, or not.~

The Importance of First Impressions by Wopsidaisy

~Wylan stumbles across a wounded man on his way home from music lessons. His decision to help might change the trajectory of his life.~

he hid around corners (and he hid under beds) by xxartistintrainingxx

~After asking Wylan to move in, Jesper helps him grab things from the tannery. A discovery of unopened letters leads Jesper to question Wylan's past.~

I Hate to Ruin the Good Mood by Theres_Only_Soup

~Wylan gets shot on a job, and the rest of the Crows take care of him.~

Hypocrite by Theres_Only_Soup

~Jesper finds out Wylan's real last name, and the hurt (with comfort) that comes after.~

Bitterness Never Tasted So Sweet by AndSoQuothTheRaven

~Wylan couldn’t breathe. The walls were closing in, and the room was unbearably hot, and he couldn’t breathe. Set immediately after Kaz tells the Crows about the Ice Court Heist~

it was a gunshot, it was prairie fire by garlic09

~When I watched the scene in episode 8 where they’re in the church and the nichevo’ya grabbed Nikolai, I immediately wondered what Jesper would do if it grabbed Wylan, because I’m a sucker for hurt/comfort.~

Not the Plan by bluecacti

~An alternate take on the auction scene, in which Van Eck didn't leave Wylan alone with Anika and Keeg, and instead brought him to the auction himself. Jesper won't leave until he figures out if Wylan is okay, and Van Eck makes his hatred for his son abundantly clear to the entire church.~

Holding on to heartache (wear it like a crown) by exhiled_spirit

~Jesper finds out about Wylan's real identity. Ft. show!wesper~

we were shotgun lovers // I’m a shotgun running away by sunshineriptiee

~Vaguely he was aware of the other three in the room and the way Kaz had just kept on talking like he hadn’t just turned Wylans life upside down. Matthias, Ninas fjerdan, was mentioned, and that caused a stir as well. But Wylan could only focus on the feeling of being watched, of what he was sure was Jespers gaze flicking back and forth to him.~

the handmaid by MaudeAlise

~It’s a relatively straightforward job: Jesper will pretend to be the handmaid to the withdrawn and sheltered Van Eck heir, and convince him to elope with another mercher. That’s all Jesper has to do on his end, and then the Crows will walk away with 45 million kruge. It’s a simple task.~

the mathematics of a beautiful boy by shootingcomet

~Jesper really doesn't like relying on others for help, but a C in maths ensures that he has to spend every Thursday lunchtime until the end of the year inside a stuffy classroom with a maths tutor. It certainly doesn't help that said maths tutor is quite possibly the most beautiful boy he's ever seen.~

A Fateful Boat Ride by Feriku

~Whatever Kaz wanted with Wylan Van Eck was anyone's guess, but Jesper's role in the plan was simple enough. All he had to do was kidnap him on the way to Belendt.~

Forgiveness of Debts by didoandis

~Wylan’s secret is revealed at the worst time, and in the worst way. Everything afterwards happens a little differently.~

i guess i'm a disappointment by heart_that_shines_like_a_hobbits

~Useless.Worthless.Pathetic.The words rang in Wylan’s head as he kept his gaze fixed firmly on the carpet in front of him.~

Ketterdam Waters by DeoPlunk

~Wylan gets pulled back into the canals in the dead of Ketterdams winters and fights for his life as his mind floods with visions of his imprisoned father.~

I'm Ok, We're Ok. by Midnight_w0nder

~Wylan often worries about having to prove himself as a Crow. So when he gets injured, he doesn't tell the crows until the job is done.~

teach me how to love by littlelous

~Wylan struggles with new revelations about his father and stumbles across a group of five people he should most definitely not be associating with. But who's left to tell him off? His father? Wylan's beginning to think he never even cared anyways.~

I will always love you (even if you're a worm) by crawlingupawall

~Jesper knows that the danger of the Barrel can cause people to develop certain reflexes, but Wylan's flinching seems… different.~

In The Stillness of Remembering by Essidera

~Wylan's past followed him around like a shadow, and it was inevitable that one day it would catch up to him. He gets jumped one night on his way back to the Crow Club. Kaz has some thoughts to share about that, and Jesper just wanted to sleep.~

When has submission ever felt like freedom? by AmoureusedeRimbaud

~A Wylan Van Eck/Jesper Fahey ABO arranged marriage fic featuring a touch starved Wylan Van Eck and a very scary Crows pack that really want to give their omega lots of cuddles.~

what is safety in a town like this? by Anonymous

~Wylan is an omega that ends up on the wrong side of town. Jesper is an alpha that finds something worth protecting. What will come of their newfound friendship as Wylan tries to make sense of his new life in the Barrel?~

Inlaid with Stars by Creepypasta_fander

~Wylan Van Eck is turning 21 soon. He's lived in a tower since he was 8 and has never left. He doesn't even know what's outside the forest. Jesper Fahey is a reformed gambler with a cocky attitude but a craving for forgiveness. He wants back in with his friends but several slip-ups have made that pretty much impossible.~

Always Trust Your Doctors (They're Holding All the Cards) by Soliloquy3000

~When Wylan dragged himself out of the shores of Ketterdam, the first thing he did was find a place to hide. While he wandered the streets, he saw a boy bleeding out, with another boy standing over him.Naturally he had to help.But this was Ketterdam, and nothing was done without a price.~

Silver Shackles by adara_writer

~Wesper arranged marriage AU with bad parent Jan Van Eck~

#wesper #fic recs #jesper fahey x wylan van eck

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mattodore · 4 months

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When you get this, list 3 facts about your favorite sim and send it to the last 3 people in your notifications! Let's get to know each other's sims! <3 (obviously no pressure and feel free to ignore this if you want) (btw ily MWAH)

hiii nene <3 going to answer this for both of them!!

facts for theo:

every year when summer would roll around and theo would be sent to boarding school, he’d always be given the exact same dorm room which he’d have all to himself. same bed, same covers, same drafty windows. he was constantly losing things in his room. he’d set his cardigan down on his desk and the next day it’d be gone. countless things disappearing while he slept. his memory playing tricks on him. but there were some summers where he’d come back and he’d see that same cardigan right there on the back of the door, almost like it’d been waiting for him. things popping back up that he thought he lost so many summers ago. it was unsettling. when things started coming back, he began to develop nightmares.

theo cut most of his hair off when he was seventeen. he did it himself so it was... a mess. he cried a lot. he felt lighter from it just the same as he felt like he was being crushed all over. then his parents saw what he'd done... they were always angry with him for acting out as a teenager and making it impossible to get his hair cut, but at least his hair still looked somewhat presentable then. after he chopped it all off himself it just looked horrible, almost unsalvageable, so they punished him for it. it felt like he was being punished for so much more than cutting his hair.

theo first started playing with makeup as a child. his au pair would let him dig around in her purse for it and he'd grab fistfuls of makeup like they were buried treasure and pull them out triumphantly before investigating his spoils. he liked to draw on his face and arms with her lipsticks, just these cute little scribbles that she’d have to wipe away afterwards with her thumb.

facts for matthias:

matthias technically died when he was a teenager. he was dead for minutes on end but the frigid state of his body at the time was such that he was still able to be resuscitated, even when the other parties were reluctant to give urgency to his medical aid. he nearly didn’t make it out alive. though, in a way, i guess you could say he didn’t. not really. he certainly wasn’t convinced of it. nobody other than himself and a handful of people who were actually there even know about what happened. truthfully, i don't know that he's ever fully processed the trauma of it. it's centered in a lot of his nightmares.

while matthias's body is littered with scars, the one his mother gave him on his chin is the only one that he can still feel. everywhere else is numb to him, but that one... it's like the phantom sensation of something tugging and stretching over the bloody gape of the wound never went away, his skin forever stuck trying to stitch itself back together. it's been years, a decade for him, but it still feels so raw. being touched there is almost unbearable. it's like he's being ripped open again every time. (fully aware the above image shows theo covering the scar with his thumb... smiles.)

similar to theo, matthias used to play with makeup as a child. imani had a small compact with eyeshadow in it that she’d apply on matthias’s eyelids with her fingertips and then he’d do the same to her. their boarding school had strict rules about no makeup, so she could only get away with with this light golden color that was almost imperceptible. it looked pretty and subtle on her but on matthias it was nearly invisible except for a slight shimmer. it was kind of pointless to put it on him but matthias liked it anyway. she'd always apply it so carefully… that young in age, matthias wasn't used to being touched at all—not unless he was being punished by a teacher. so it was... well, it was nice. he learned how to reciprocate such gentle touches while applying the eyeshadow on her.

#river dipping #asks #wldestluv-rs #oc extras #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #ts4 #was going to just do matthias since i answered something like this but with theo before... but. well. i couldn't /not/ also do theo #also it gave me the excuse to share this screenshot to tumblr lmao #they're sooo gorgeous #anyway................ i tried to say New Things here #but. if i've actually said all this before then just be like WOW!!! NEW INFORMATION!!! WOW!!!!#please......... my memory is so bad just pretend for me okay #<- person who fell asleep before hitting post on this 😭😭😭😭#this was the last ask i finished yesterday…#i’m gonna go back to answering asks here soon #i’d like to have my inbox completely cleared out before the year ends 🧎#i feel so bad abt how long some of these messages have sat here #some of them aren’t even applicable anymore too 😭 like there are ones specifically asking abt halloween and stuff like 😭😭😭#i’m sorry fr avpd is a curse

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restinslices · 5 months

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Memory

Not Liar pt 3 and not X Reader. It's Matthias x one of my ocs that's his sister. They both think the other is dead because lore I'm too lazy to explain at 1am. Word count: 1553 Summary: Matthias has a really bad memory which his sister, Kajsa, has a nearly perfect memory. Either way though, they both feel the sting of grief.

Matthias had a pretty bad memory.

It wasn't complete shit, but it definitely wasn’t the best. He could remember short term things, and occasionally he’d remember something from a while ago, but he wasn’t someone to bet on.

Some things he was glad he didn’t remember. He was glad that sometimes his memory became hazy and the images would stay partially blurred, or the words would be so quiet he couldn’t really hear it.

He was glad the screams were quiet. He was glad he didn’t remember the inferni soldiers' faces, and only the keftas they wore. He was glad he couldn’t remember exactly how the day went. It all would slide in his mind so fast. Like someone hit fast forward.

He also hated it though.

Every year on the anniversary, he’d go by the sea. Djel was everywhere and if he was closer to the water, the thing that connected everyone, the thing that fed everyone, then he was closer to Djel. He hoped that meant he was also closer to his family. He hoped they could hear him.

If he wasn’t on a ship with the Druskelle, he’d go to the harbor. If that wasn’t possible then when he wasn’t needed, he’d find a secluded -as secluded you can get on a boat with several men- spot and look out at the sea.

He liked the harbor though because it was connected to a series of memories he’d recount. Matthias had a younger sister by two years, Kajsa Helvar, and like many other little girls she found herself crushing on an older man that she hardly saw. Matthias didn’t remember his name, or what he looked like. He was a blur. All he remembered was that he was Druskelle which meant he was always boarding and leaving ships. Kajsa would drag Matthias along since she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without him. Overprotectiveness Matthias hated since he’d rather be doing anything than watching this random guy lift stuff then get on a boat, meanwhile Kajsa would be swooning and saying if she was older then they’d 100% be married.

“Yeah right”, he remembers saying. “He wouldn’t want a girl who gets big fat pimples on her nose” Matthias can’t remember what she said next, but he remembers pushing her in the water, realizing what he did, then jumping in after her. He pulled her head up from under the water, and thankfully multiple adults saw their heads and helped them up. One of them being the guy Kajsa liked. Kajsa was a sweet angel in front of them but once the shock wore off, he remembers her punching him in the face for embarrassing her in front of him.

Matthias wished he could remember more, especially now that he was in a strange land. A land that wasn’t his own. A land that demjins like Brekker called home.

Matthias waited till everyone slept before he slipped out the tomb and sat at the edge of Black Veil Island. The water anywhere near Ketterdam was disgusting and looked unsafe to drink but it was all he had. He did what he usually did; try to remember more. He couldn’t understand why he’d remember something as stupid as his younger sister’s crush, but couldn’t remember what shade her eyes were. They were green just like their father’s but besides that, he couldn’t remember the shade. He didn’t remember exactly what her voice sounded like or how much shorter she was compared to him or what she was even wearing the day she died. Why did he care about her so much? Why not stress this much over his parents? He missed them dearly and thought about them all the time, but why did she specifically stress him out?

Maybe it’s because he failed.

He was the older brother. He promised both his parents that he’d always look out for her and for the most part he did. How could he have failed this badly? Why couldn’t he find her that day?

Why did he let her down?

~~~

Kajsa had a nearly perfect memory.

She was one of those people that always won at memory games and picked up skills easily because she’d watch, memorize, and repeat. It was also just really convenient. There was no “where’d I put my stuff?” with her. It had plenty of good uses.

But it was also a curse.

Kajsa was sure she must’ve done something terrible in her past life and now she was being punished in this one. She remembered everything. The bell ringing, the screams of the people in her village, her dad leaving to go find Matthias, the smell of her mom’s burning flesh, houses collapsing, the smell of smoke. Everything. Plenty of times she’d hear kids scream in joy while playing but her brain would turn those to scream of agony. Screams of people full of fear as they felt their skin burn.

Every year on the anniversary, she’d go by the sea. Typically it’d be the same river her family would often visit. One memory she liked took place the day after Matthias pushed her into the water at the harbor. She guessed she deserved it. All he said was that the guy she liked wouldn’t want her because she got huge pimples on her nose, and she said “pimples or no pimples, at least he doesn't like my friend instead of me”. Matthias was head over heels in love with their neighbor Ana, but she confessed to like liking -yes “like liking”. Kids said “like like”- one of his friends Kristopher, He was gutted. The day they started holding hands is the day Matthias sat in his room, loudly singing Fjerdan songs about heartbreak he heard older men sing. It made her laugh whenever she thought about it. A ten year old singing about heartbreak.

The two still wanted to go outside the next day but because of the pushing incident, their parents wouldn’t let them unless they were there. It took longer to even leave the house because her mom got cold easily so she wore multiple layers of clothes all in the color blue but in shades that were so different but so close that it drove her crazy.

“Can you wear another color?” Kajsa asked with a frown on her face. Her mom paused from pinning her hair and gave her a look that made her shut up and Matthias snicker. Then they walked all the way to the frozen river and the two kids started this stupid game where they’d tried to cover the whole river in snow which obviously didn’t work.

“Do you think one day we’ll marry people and be like Mama and Papa?” she asked. Her mom and dad were building a snowman together all while smiling and laughing like they were kids. Maybe it was because Kajsa was young but it was the cutest thing she ever saw. She looked back over at Matthias who did not look pleased.

“Yeah yeah, I’m sure pimple nose”.

Kajsa didn’t forget much, but she did get distracted. Kajsa hadn’t done anything to get Matthias back because she was too shocked about her almost dying. Now though? The shock was over. She took a few steps towards him then socked him in the jaw as hard as she could, making him fall over. Their parents did not want to hear her excuse of “I had to get him back” and although Matthias said she was no longer allowed within ten feet of him, he still barged into her room to complain about his broken heart. Parents just didn’t understand how hard it was to see someone you like like slip away.

The sun was still setting when Kajsa stood by the river. Once again it was frozen over. Only now could she see how stupid their game was. The river was too wide and the constant back and forth from picking up snow to bringing it to another spot would kill you. Still though, she remembered it fondly. It didn’t matter if it made no sense. What mattered is that they always had fun. What mattered is that they were together. What mattered is that Matthias was still alive.

Why did she feel so terrible? Why did images of him torture her? Maybe it’s because she didn’t see him or her father die. She just heard it happened. The family had been separated during the attack and it took days before the list of everyone deceased was shown to survivors.

What if he screamed like everyone else? What if he begged to not be hurt? What if the Inferni took their time with him?

Or maybe she felt terrible because she failed him. Matthias teased her like siblings do, but he loved her. He was always protecting her and sticking his neck out for her, and the one time he needed to be helped or saved, she couldn’t. Logic told her that this wasn’t her fault. The back of her neck had been set on fire, and although she tucked and rolled, the pain still caused her to pass out. But logic was never louder than her guilt. Why didn’t she fight through the pain? Why didn’t she stay awake?

Why did she let him down?

Might delete later, idk

#shadow and bone oc #six of crows oc #matthias helvar #matthias helvar x oc #six of crows #shadow and bone #fandom oc #idk what else to tag #kajsa helvar

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kazscrows · 1 year

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Six of Crows Reread 🪶

Chapter 37: Nina

How do you think a therapist would rate Helnik’s relationships?

Not great probably

But boy do I love an enemies to lovers

“Jer molle pe oonet. Enel mörd je nej afva trohem verretn.”

Nina swallowed hard. She remembered those words and what they truly meant. I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath. It was the vow of the drüskelle to Fjerda. And now it was Matthias’ promise to her.

brb. CrYiNg—

Cuz you know.. he dies relatively soon—

Anyways…

For some reason I always always forget that Nina and Matthias were going to just kill Yul-Bayur

Like I talked about this earlier in my reread. I haven’t forgotten since then. I’m just surprised that I forget this info

And it’s probably because they don’t do it

A Shu boy was seated cross-legged on it. He stared at them, his dark hair flopping over his forehead, a notebook in his lap. He couldn’t have been more than fifteen.

Hello Kuwei

Leverage 2.0

Oh my gosh the first thing Nina tells him is that they aren’t here to harm him

Like “Hi we’re nice and friendly we’re just here to kill your father-“

I mean they don’t know yet but… you think they could probably deduce it

Nina swallowed. She’d killed before. She’d killed tonight, even, but this was different. This boy wasn’t pointing a gun at her or trying to harm her. Murdering him – and it would be murder – would also mean betraying Inej, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan. People who were risking their lives even now for a prize they’d never see. But then she thought of Nestor falling lifeless in the snow, of the cells full of Grisha lost in their own misery, all because of this drug.

She raised her arms. “I’m sorry,” she said. “If you succeed, there will be no end to the suffering you unleash.”

Oh wow she really was going to do it-

And yet her hands were shaking. Wasn’t this the way drüskelle thought? Destroy the threat, wipe it out, no matter that the person in front of you was innocent.

Ah there we go

“Nina,” Matthias said softly, “he’s just a kid. He’s one of us.”

One of us. A boy not much younger than she was, caught up in a war he hadn’t chosen for himself. A survivor.

It’s actually really wonderful that it’s Matthias that points this out. Helps her see

Since she helped him realize his wrongdoings before

He’s officially a Crow now in my mind after this

Oh what the heck I forgot Kuwei is an inferni!

Seriously you think they guard him a little better?

He’s just the most important child in the world currently

I guess the drüskelle thought Brum had the vault covered

Uh oh they just ran into a drüskelle that called Matthias a traitor-

Foreshadowing foreshadowing foreshado—

One of the drüskelle came forward with what looked like a long-handled whip attached to the cables that bound them, and handed it to Lars.

“Do you recognise this, Helvar?” Lars asked. “You should. You helped with its design. Retractable cables for controlling multiple captives. And the barbs, of course.”

Ha.. haha.. hA— crYinG again—

He helped make the weapon that’s about to hurt Nina

“Leave her be,” Matthias growled in Fjerdan, the words bristling with rage. For the briefest second, she saw a flash of panic in his former compatriots. He was bigger than all of them, and he’d been one of their leaders, one of the best of these murderous boys.

Gosh yeah the show helps remind me that Matthias is giant even more now

Calahan is just so… huge? Grand?

So muscular

Like daaaang

And now Kaz is here to save the day and destroy a beautiful tree

Oh and plunge them into a freezing cold river!

Fun times! Sarcasm

The last thing she glimpsed was Matthias toppling into the hole beside her. She heard gunfire – and then she was falling into the black, into the cold, into the throat of Djel, into nothing at all.

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#I’m typing this at 1am…#shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kuwei yul bo #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #six of crows book #reading #books #leigh bargudo #kazscrows #kazscrowsreadssoc

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birbliophile · 2 years

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I had this Myths of Unova fanfiction ficlet half-done for ages and finally finished it up tonight. These versions of the Pokemon characters are from @kynimdraws nuzlocke White comic, Myths of Unova! You can read it here: https://mythsofunova.thecomicseries.com/

Anyway, here’s N and Benga reenacting this scene from Steven Universe: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8dknVBPvQAc

I Think You’re Pretty Great

It had been a pretty great day, all things considered. Benga would have listed it in his top ten days of the year, really. He and N had gone on a long hike with his dad, and Matthias got to come too! There were so many nice things to see on the outskirts of Floccesy, and Benga had even befriended a wild Mareep that tried to steal his trail mix. N had laughed uproariously as Benga chased down the theif, and Benga had thought that good mood would last the whole day.

Until they got home and Benga’s mom kissed his forehead as a greeting.

N suddenly went pale, well, paler than normal. Benga often thought he could use more time in the sun. But back to the point. N had reacted really weirdly, and withdrew into himself like he did in the first few days of him staying with Gramps. He was quiet throughout dinner, and when Benga suggested playing soccer out in the yard afterwards to make the most out of the summer sunlight, he opted to stay in and read.

“What do you think’s eating him?” Benga asked Matthias as the Zoroark blocked the soccer ball flying his way.

Matthias was quiet for a minute as they kicked the ball back and forth. “…N’s mom died when he was six.”

The ball rolled past Benga’s feet and he stared at the ground. “…Oh.”

“Yeah.” Matthias sighed. “He had a lot of stuff growing up, tons of toys and games and all that. But he didn’t have…he didn’t have what you have, is what I mean.”

“That sucks.” Benga walked over to pick up the ball. “What can I do to help?”

“I dunno. Usually he’d talk to me or one of our other Pokémon friends about it, but he stopped doing that a few years back.”

“Hmm.”

Eventually the sun dipped down below the horizon and Benga went back inside for the night. Matthias would follow after a little bit - he had a habit of patrolling the property at dusk. To look out for any dangers to N, Benga surmised. Flocessy was a pretty peaceful town though…Benga frowned as he closed the door. Maybe N wasn’t the only one with personal demons.

Benga made his way down the hall towards his bedroom, bouncing the soccer ball a few more times on his knee. Just as he passed the guest room however, he paused.

It was open just a bit. It hadn’t been earlier, when N had locked himself in with his books.

It took Benga all of five seconds to make his decision. Nudging open the door a bit more, Benga poked his head into the room.

“N?”

N was standing by the windowsill, looking out over the town. There was a book in one of his hands, hanging at his side. He didn’t seem to notice Benga as he entered the room.

“Hey man.”

N finally looked up. He didn’t seem upset that Benga had come in, so Benga took that as permission to walk up to him.

“…It’s a nice view, yeah?”

N nodded, turning back to the window.

They stood there for a moment.

“My mother was often bedridden, in my memory.”

Benga blinked. “…Oh?”

“Yes. She was…not very strong, physically. So she rarely went outdoors. But she had a window, and there were hills in the distance. She said one day when she was stronger and the curse was broken, we could go out beyond those hills together.”

“The curse?”

“The curse of the Harmonias. That’s why she died - she tried to make amends to the Original Dragon. All so that I didn’t have to suffer the way she did, the way our ancestors did. That’s what Anthea and Concordia told me anyway.”

N leaned over on the windowsill, staring out towards something Benga couldn’t see. “Everything I did, I did in her honor. Fath...Ghetsis told me that becoming a hero would end the curse and fulfill my mother’s wish for me to live a good life. That I would become everything she wanted.”

He sighed. “Sometimes I wonder, if she could see me now…what would she think of me?”

Benga stared at him for a while. Then, he scooted forward and wrapped his arms around N, hugging him from behind.

“Well…I think you’re pretty great.”

N went rigid. A moment later, a shuddering gasp escaped him, and Benga squeezed him tight as N began to cry.

#myths of unova #fanfiction #kynim #my writing #fanfic

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anthony-sharma · 10 months

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Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 13

Now we see Kaz’s thoughts after Inej almost dies during the ambush.

Chapter 13: Kaz

“The pain in Kaz’s leg was terrible, the worst it had been since he’d first broken it falling off the roof of a bank near the Geldstraat. It was possible he’d fractured the bone again. Inej’s weight wasn’t helping, but when Jesper stepped into his path to offer help, Kaz shoved past him.

“Where’s Nina?” Kaz snarled.

“Seeing to the wounded below. She already took care of me.” Dimly Kaz registered the dried blood on Jesper ’s thigh. “Wylan got dinged during the fight. Let me help you—”

“Get out of my way,” Kaz said, and plunged past him down the ramp that led belowdecks.”

First off, he’s carrying Inej on a “possibly” broken leg and still refuses to let her go, even when Jesper offers. I know it’s such a small thing here but really, his commitment to her is unmatched!

Also, you guys, I’ve been reading this fic that’s a blend of SoC / Hunger Games and it is so well written. I seriously recomment you guys to go take a look. it’s included in my “Fic Rec List #5″ under the fics written by @endoftheworldhere. The name’s “One for Sorrow” and I seriously recommend it. It then expands into the HG experiences of the rest of the Crows (Jesper, Wylan, Inej), so you should definitely check them out!

“The cramped cabin was lit by several bright lanterns and a stash of clean bandages had been laid out on a shelf beside a bottle of camphor. Gently, Kaz placed Inej on the table that had been bolted to the deck.

[...]

He was alive because of Inej. They all were. They’d managed to fight their way out of a corner, but only because she’d prevented them from being surrounded. Kaz knew death. He could feel its presence on the ship now, looming over them, ready to take his Wraith. He was covered in her blood.

“Unless you can be useful, go away,” Nina said without looking up at him. “You’re making me nervous.” He hesitated, then stomped back the way he’d come, stopping to purloin a clean shirt from another cabin. He shouldn’t be this shaken up by a dock brawl, even a shoot-out, but he was.

Something inside him felt frayed and raw. It was the same feeling he’d had as a boy, in those first desperate days after Jordie’s death.”

He really is at his gentlest with her. Of course, when Inej is awake he can be crass / rude and harsh, but now, with her at death’s door, none of that really matters. Again, it is not justifiable, but understable how angry he gets with Jesper later on, for all they went through because he talked when he shouldn’t have.

On another note, the fact that this feeling of unsettling helplessness he had when Jordie die comes back when Inej’s about to die just goes to show how much he loves her and values her, and how lost and alone he’d be without her.

“What the hell just happened?” Jesper asked. He was leaning against the railing, his rifle beside him. hair dishevelled, pupils dilated. He seemed almost drunk, or like he’d just rolled out of someone’s bed. He always had that look after a fight. Helvar was bent over the railing, vomiting. Not a sailor, apparently. At some point they’d need to shackle his legs again.”

We never got to see Jesper on the show with a rifle, so it’d be really cool to see him with one on the spin off.

In addition, didn’t Matthias already travel by ship by this point (in flashbacks, when she met Nina)? Do people get motion sickness everytime they board a boat or is that sometimes that passes over time? Should it still be happening? It just seems very funny to me how this tall, big, intimidating Fjerdan soldier cannot seem to hold it in and vomits over the railing.

“Stand him up.”

With one huge hand, Helvar hauled Oomen to his feet.”

It’s a bit funny to me how even though Matthias doesn’t feel like a Crow yet (and pretty much hates Kaz at this point), he still follows his orders.

“Kaz heard Wylan retching. He tossed the eyeball overboard and jammed his spit-soaked handkerchief into the socket where Oomen’s eye had been. Then he grabbed Oomen’s jaw, his gloves leaving red smears on the enforcer ’s chin. His actions were smooth, precise, as if he were dealing cards at the Crow Club or picking an easy lock, but his rage felt hot and mad and unfamiliar.

Something within him had torn loose.”

First of all, it’s petty but oh-so-Kaz to stash the spit-soaked handkerchief in his eyeball. Kind of like “you made this bed, now go lie in it”.

Second of all, DAAAAMN! He’s doing all this horrific things with such calmness and precision, as if it were no big deal even though he just gouged out an eye? As he says, something within him had torn loose. Inej’s almost death is provoking all this unsettling, unexpected, raw feelings. When he was a boy he couldn’t do anything about it (he was still Kaz Rietveld) but now, with a reputation behind him and skills he didn’t have then...he’s gonna be gouging out some eyes if people so much as look at his girl wrong!

“I need a medik. Can you take me to a medik now?”

“Of course,” said Kaz. “Right this way.” He took Oomen by the lapels and hoisted him off his feet, bracing his body against the railing.

“I told you what you wanted!” Oomen screamed, struggling. “I did what you asked!”

Despite Oomen’s knobby build, he was deceptively strong – farm strong like Jesper. He’d probably grown up in the fields.”

Kaz might not be the tallest in the group but he’s certainly strong, alright. Lifting a person described as “farm strong like Jesper” with just his arms and no one else to help him? Maybe I’m too weak, but I wouldn’t be able to do it.

“Wylan took a deep breath as if sucking in courage and sputtered, “You won’t throw me overboard. You need me.”

Why do people keep saying that? “Maybe,” said Kaz. “But I’m not in a very rational mood.”

Well, he’s right, definitely. Something came loose (like a screw) the moment he saw Inej almost dying in his arms.

“Since when am I your valet?”

“Man with a knife, remember?” he said over his shoulder.

“Man with a gun!” Jesper called after him.

Kaz replied with a time-saving gesture that relied heavily on his middle finger and disappeared belowdecks. He wanted a hot bath and a bottle of brandy, but he’d settle for being alone and free of the stink of blood for a while.”

I cannot wait to see this exchange in the spin off. I can almost hear Freddy and Kit saying this already!

That’s it for chapter 13. Next up, we witness Nina’s efforts to save Inej!

Also, they really are just teenagers settling their differences by flipping fingers.

Lastly, why does Kaz have to be the one to ask Jesper for stuff? I mean, he's the mastermind of the Crows, mostly, but does that entitle him to boss everyone around? 🤔

#six of crows reread #six of crows

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thetcsteofink · 1 year

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LYANNA BEHL ( SHE/HER ) is a CIS FEMALE, TWENTY-NINE year old PSYCHOTHERAPIST who has been living in Moorbrooke for HER WHOLE LIFE. They were born on JANUARY 14 and right now, they are currently residing in MAPLE COURT. It has been said that they look suspiciously like SUMMER BISHIL and if they had to choose a song to describe themselves, they would choose THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT by THE OFFSPRING.

TW: Abuse, Drugs, Alcohol, Grooming, Sexual Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm

Lyanna Behl was born in Moorbrooke on January 14th, 1993. Her mother was Mexican and her father was Indian. She had an older half brother named Matthias, whose father had mysteriously died soon after Matthias was born. Funnily enough, Lyanna’s dear father also mysteriously died soon after she was born as well. Therefore, unfortunately, Lyanna never knew her father. Sadly, she never learned a lot about him either, but as an adult, she figured he was a kind man who simply fell for the wrong woman.

Lyanna and Matthias’ mother was neglectful. Sure the woman was able to at the very least provide such basic necessities but otherwise wouldn’t give them the time of day. Her bread and butter was drugs and alcohol. She sold and used excessively. Often, their mother would be aggravated if the children even dared cry over wanting some affection or care. So, as they got older, Matthias ended up taking care of Lyanna, and it wouldn’t stop being his job for many years. Sometimes, there would be physical abuse and more often than not, verbal.

Due to such a rough childhood and being exposed to drugs and alcohol at an early age, Lyanna started her drug and drinking journey at ten. Her brother, always the level headed and mature one, often tried to stop her. It worked for a while until Lyanna learned how to hide her activities from her brother. This was just all a way to act out and numb her depression. She was deeply unhappy with her life. Her brother was the only light in her world but it’s true, that it just wasn’t enough sometimes. If her own mother didn’t care then why should she?

Lyanna fell into the wrong crowd of depressed individuals with family issues and no one really understanding them. Her new friends knew people around town, usually older kids or even young adults that had no qualms selling drugs or buying alcohol to kids that had barely reached double digits. Meeting such interesting people that seemed to captivate a young Lyanna made her want to be as cool and well-liked as everyone else. Not to mention, there was so much she could relate to with everybody. She had found her people, but it was a toxic group.

The group’s drug dealer, a young man of seventeen, was someone who everyone wanted to fuck or be. What’s crazy about that was that Lyanna was just eleven and nervous with her dumb crush on probably the worst person in the world. He would hang out with her and her friends and they would feel wanted and cool by association. He always had a charismatic way about him, spoke to them like they were his age and cool to hang. He also had a way to make Lyanna and her friends come back for more drugs and alcohol. It was hard to say no to someone like that.

Rebelling became normal for her. She would pick fights in school, get detention often, or suspended, and got into all sorts of trouble. She was only thirteen at this point. Her grades started slipping, not because she wasn’t smart or didn’t care to pay attention, but she simply was so careless about her homework, which was always a massive part of every student’s grades. Coupled with her mother who neglected to show up to meetings with the dean of discipline or answered the phone from the school’s admin rudely and carelessly when talking about Lyanna, nothing seemed to matter. Matthias was the golden child anyway, a good boy, A student, clean and trying his best to live his regular life. Unfortunately, Lyanna’s antics often got in the way of such a life just because he was always who came to her aid whenever something happened.

Lyanna began to commit small-town crimes, such as theft from stores, vandalization, obtaining fake IDs, growing weed herself, etc. At about twelve, Lyanna was arrested for shoplifting some eyeliner. Arrested, but not sent to juvie just because it was petty theft. As she grew into rougher teen years, pushing her brother away became more and more prominent. She grew tired of having him as an angel on her shoulder. At this point, she knew everything she was doing wasn’t right, even the destruction to her own body with drugs and alcohol and she simply didn’t care. The fights she got into with Matthias were ugly, screaming, exhaustive. He wanted her to be okay, and she was too far gone. And yet, Matthias never let her burn the bridge. In a way they were all each other had.

At fourteen she ended up sleeping with the dealer who was twenty at the time. There was no pressure but there was nervousness, though he insisted everything was fine and that she was oh so beautiful and special. For some time, Lyanna didn’t even know that she’d been groomed and raped, as he was an adult and she a minor. Grooming wasn’t particularly a well-known term, either, during 2006. This relationship she had with the dealer continued for two more years. More often than not, he would always make sure she wasn’t sober with him. Sometimes she would pass out, not even knowing where she was, and he wasn’t always there whenever she woke up.

A new misery seemed to take over. This wasn’t ‘fun’ anymore. Her depression couldn’t be pushed away through mindless sex with, what? Her boyfriend? They never made anything official. And the rose-tinted glasses of their ‘romance’ faded away after dealing with him for so long. Numbing with drugs or alcohol wasn’t working. If anything it made things worse. It was so bad that Matthias asked, once again, like all the other times, what was going on, and she told him everything. With Matthias’ help, the drug dealer went behind bars. She was able to testify against him. She also agreed to get some help, whatever that entailed.

Lyanna went to rehab at seventeen in order to get clean and also talk to some therapist. She had the nicest woman. She looked like her mom, who had gone missing at some point in the past couple years (her brother was now her guardian), but nicer, sweet, kinder, and warmer. It took a little bit for her to open up, but eventually she did. Everything spilled out. Lyanna was able to show that yes, she did cut herself. And has as of late wondered about dying. She was diagnosed with general anxiety, severe depression, borderline personality disorder, and was being treated for it, along with substance abuse.

Her therapist was a lifeline, along with Matthias. She took her medications as directed and did several activities and exercises whilst in rehab. She had gotten clean, and never again thereafter did she touch alcohol or another unprescribed drug. Lyanna also found that... psychology was actually very interesting. Even in high school she had enjoyed biology and found the nervous system to be the most enticing of them all. While therapist definitely are not friends with their patients, Lyanna felt that they had gotten along so well after a time. Even after rehab she continued to see this therapist and work on herself.

Lyanna got her GED at nineteen after working retail for a time. She applied to school and did extraordinarily well. She was inspired by her own therapist and decided this was what she wanted to do. She wanted to help others. After graduating, she applied to graduate school for psychology. Six years of intense schooling and she got her doctorate.

Her first job was part time at a clinic, where she continues to be. She also took up a few hours at the university, as students definitely have rough times. Lyanna really managed to turn herself around. Still a firecracker whenever she gets riled up, she is only now more relaxed, happier, and warmer. Although she has difficulty with romantic relationships, she’s had a few casual hookups since the drug dealer. Her relationship with her brother has never been better. He is sincerely her best friend. Luckily, her friends from school, who were also victims of such grooming and toxic behavior grew up. Though not all of them are clean, one of them, her best friend, is especially doing well and on the road to recovery. They always talk and hang out when they can, and while Lyanna isn’t her therapist, she’s proud of the strides her friend has made.

One of the major new things she’s got going on is that she is trying to learn violin. She’s always loved music, and with her clearer head, Lyanna’s invested on violin lessons and thoroughly enjoys it. Sometimes, Lyanna does have bad days but she tries to force herself to push through them. She’s been sober for over a decade and her medications really help to stabilize her into a functioning adult in order for her to help others.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

• MATTHIAS [DIFFERENT LAST NAME]. Their mother was Mexican, so Matthias is Mexican (either all or half). He is 31 years old, going on 32. Quite frankly these two have so much history. So many ups and downs but all love and protection. While Matthias has always been amazing at trying to protect Lyanna, sometimes he should take a page from his book as he has a tendency to also go towards toxic people to sleep with or date. In a way, now it’s Lyanna’s turn to protect him, considering now that she’s not riddled with drama and toxic relationships/behaviors herself, she can pay attention to what her brother’s up to.

• HER BEST FRIEND. She has no name, but this is her ride or die. They’ve been through their own ups and downs since being pre-teens. Have a similar background when it comes to them doing drugs and alcohol at a young age and being groomed by this nameless drug dealer. Lyanna’s best friend is currently recovering and is making strides though it’s possible she may relapse or not. Lyanna and this friend have also shared their first kisses together, just because they were curious and hey, in a way, her best friend is why Lyanna even realized she was bi at all.

• AN EX. definitely not the nameless drug dealer. This ex would’ve been her first real relationship after the fact. I believe these two met in college when she was nineteen or twenty. Lyanna most likely broke it off. Traumatized over her first and only relationship, she felt she was damaged goods and was fearful of receiving unconditional affection and love from someone who she herself also loved. She grew attached as well but on the topics of sex, Lyanna was always hesitant. Emotionally she was a wreck, both happy and scared to be with someone, so yes she did break it off after a year. To this day she still thinks of this ex.

• PATIENTS. Lyanna definitely needs patients. I will take alllll the patients and bets are that your character(s) need therapy. That’s what she’s here for! Also family therapies for fucked up sibling relationships or parent-offspring relationships too. Or couples therapy. She’s your gal.

• COLLEAGUES. I would love Lyanna to have some friends from work. Others therapists! They could get together for lunch and stuff and if they’re similar in age, sleepovers watching Friends reruns.

• FRIENDS. My girlie needs pals! That’s all. But that’s easy and open ended.

#mbintro #intro:lyanna

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fateandsecrets · 2 years

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Fate & Secrets--Ch. 3

✺ Hyperion ✺

“Are you all right, Your Highness?” Matthias asked as he steered Alaya out of the ballroom. She winced.

“I’m fine, Matthias.”

Her guard pursed his lips but said nothing more until they stood at her bedroom door. As if she’d been waiting for them, Sophia opened the door, immediately ushering Alaya and Matthias inside.

“I heard shouting,” she shut the door quietly. “What happened, my lady?”

Alaya plopped into an overstuffed armchair, her golden, diamond-studded circlet tipping to the side of her head. The princess didn’t even bother to fix it.

“Stupid Sagaxan princes,” she muttered under her breath. “Stupid bastard sons.”

Matthias and Sophia exchanged a glance.

“Prince Malik and Prince Adonis were in attendance tonight?” The lady-in-waiting approached her princess, taking her hand and leading her to sit in front of a large mirror. She gently removed the circlet from Alaya’s hair, running her deft fingers through the knots that had formed throughout the day.

“Unfortunately,” Alaya grumbled, though she relaxed a bit as Sophia worked.

From his position at her door, Matthias asked, “Aren’t they always in attendance?”

“Sadly.”

“I thought you and Prince Malik got along.” Her guard folded his arms.

Alaya made a face. “We do. It’s his brother that I can’t stand.”

“I’ve always liked Prince Adonis,” Sophia commented as she loosened the last few knots out of Alaya’s hair. “He’s quiet. Keeps to himself.”

“He also ignores the servants and everyone else he deems unimportant,” The princess added helpfully. Sophia rolled her eyes.

“Your flair for the dramatics is as unparalleled as ever, my lady. Come. I’ve prepared your bath.”

“I’ll be right outside the door if you need me, Your Highness.” Matthias bowed before moving into the hallway to stand in front of her door.

As Alaya slipped into the bath, her mind immediately went to her father. Several of his advisers had taken his body to a remote location on the far edges of Hyperion territory, had laid his body to rest while she entertained their people in his place.

Her throat tightened with tears as she slipped under the water, attempting to drown her thoughts and sorrows, but two words remained as she resurfaced, jabbing at the broken pieces of her heart like a dull, wicked knife.

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.

Alaya didn’t realize she was sobbing until she felt the gentle hands of her lady-in-waiting brushing her wet hair off of her cheeks.

“Up you go,” Sophia murmured, taking the princess’s hand and helping her out of the tub, wrapping a towel around her shoulders.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” Alaya’s voice broke as she clung to her friend. “Now he’s gone. I couldn’t even attend his funeral, I can’t even wear black to mourn him.”

The people of Hyperion were known to wear bright, vibrant colors. Black was only worn when one was in a period of mourning, and her father’s advisers believed suspicion would be raised if Alaya were to be seen wearing it. She knew they were right, but it felt wrong to continue to wear bright colors when her father was dead. Hyperion should’ve been black and empty.

But now Hyperion was hers. Alaya was the queen.

As the firstborn–and only–child of the Meryalls, Alaya had always known she would be queen someday, even when she was little. Her parents made sure of that.

But not like this. She couldn’t become queen like this. She wasn’t ready.

“What will become of me?” Alaya whispered as Sophia tugged a silken nightgown over her head. “I’m not ready to rule. Mother–”

“Is indisposed at the moment,” Sophia cut in gently. “You know this. She is not fit to rule.”

Her mother had become a shell of her former self since Alaya’s father died, leaving her quarters only when it was absolutely necessary. Margaret, the queen’s lady-in-waiting, had simply shaken her head sadly when Alaya attempted to visit.

“She’s not herself, Your Highness,” Margaret had told her. “Better to visit once she’s recovered.”

A month had passed since that conversation, and her mother showed no signs of recovering anytime in the near future.

Unlike her mother, Alaya couldn’t afford to shut down, couldn’t afford to scream and cry and rage like she so desperately wanted to.

“That may be so,” Alaya said aloud after a few minutes. “But if the Sagaxans knew the truth–”

“I know, my lady.” Sophia squeezed her hand. They all knew.

It would mean war.

King Ludovic, Malik’s father, would invade Hyperion without a second thought once he heard of the demise of King Anata. Out of all of the clans, Hyperion and Sagax had the most tenuous relationship.

Tenuous was putting it lightly.

Long before Alaya’s time, Hyperion and Sagax were united as one territory named Albrecht. As time went on, the territory became divided into two factions: those who believed in the old Greek myths, in the Titan Hyperion, the personification of sunshine. As such, much of their culture revolved around the rise and set of the sun. Work began at sunrise and ended at sundown.

The Sagaxans favored the shadows, favored the cunning, favored darkness. Much of their work was done in the quiet only the night could offer. It was no surprise when Nyx, the primordial goddess of the night, became the entity the Sagaxans revered above all.

“That’s where the saying ‘as different as night and day’ comes from, Alaya,” Her father had always told her with a hint of a smile in his voice. “Civil war was inevitable.”

“Your Highness?”

Matthias re-entered the room without knocking, which was unlike him. Both Alaya and Sophia whirled around to face him.

“Matthias!” Sophia hissed, sprinting across Alaya’s chambers to grab her lightest cloak, wrapping it around Alaya’s shoulders hastily. “By the seven suns, can’t you knock? She was indecent.”

While Alaya appreciated the cloak, as her chambers always housed a particularly chilly draft, Sophia’s concern was unwarranted. Alaya had known Matthias since she was a little girl, had played with him often– until he was old enough to begin training for his current position by her side. As if sensing Alaya’s thoughts, Matthias rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, Soph, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. Besides,” His expression lost most of its mirth. “We have a problem.”

“A problem?” Sophia parroted, throwing an arm across Alaya’s chest instinctively, as if to protect her. Alaya winced as Sophia’s elbow jabbed her in the chest.

“Suns, Soph, your elbows are sharp enough to cut glass!” The princess gently pushed Sophia’s arm away. “What’s going on, Matthias?”

Matthias straightened, all business. “The twins heard a commotion under your window, Your Highness.”

“A commotion?” Exasperation seeped into Alaya’s tone. “Of what sort, Matthias? You know how Andres exaggerates–”

“I am well aware, Laya,” Matthias snapped. Alaya stilled. Though Matthias was her oldest friend, he rarely called her by her first name anymore, much less the nickname he’d given her when they were children. “Forgive me. At first, I said the same thing, but I had Alston investigate. You know he’s the more sensible of the two.”

“And?” Suns, if he’s stalling this much it must be bad, Alaya thought. Even so, she found herself grabbing the nearest knife she found on her dressing room table—a push dagger with an intricately carved ivory handle—wrapping her hair around the blade to form a makeshift updo.

Matthias swallowed hard.

“Alston!” He called.

Alaya’s jaw dropped when she saw who Alston dragged into her room. Her anger followed when their surprise visitor simply smirked as Andres forced him to his knees.

“You.”

***

Matthias had to hold Alaya back from grabbing her sword, lest she run the bastard Sagaxan prince through.

“Princess,” Prince Adonis’ lips curved wickedly. “I never thought I’d be seeing your face again so soon, and in your bedroom, no less. Is this how you welcome all trespassers?”

Alaya bared her teeth.

“No, actually.” She lurched forward, but Matthias held her fast, locking her arms behind her back. “We welcome trespassers by locking them in the dungeon and hanging them when the sun rises. Would you like a demonstration?”

“Nyx umbra, princess,” Adonis shook his head, placing a hand to his chest. “You entertain prisoners in naught but a cloak and your nightgown? How very uncouth.” He chuckled.

“Leave your goddess and her shadows out of this,” Alaya hissed. “What in the seven suns-"

“Ah-ah-ah,” Adonis held up a finger. “Leave your god and his suns out of this.”

Alaya gritted her teeth, twisting around to look up into Matthias’s face.

“I need everyone out.”

Her guard’s hold tightened.

“Your Highness–”

“That’s an order, Matthias.”

Matthias released her at once, though with clear reluctance. “I hate it when you do that,” he grumbled. Alaya gave him a sweet smile, patting his cheek before he motioned for Andres and Alston to follow.

As the men filed out, Sophia remained. She regarded her princess warily, eyes darting between Alaya and Adonis.

“I’ll be fine, Sophia,” Alaya assured her. “Go.”

Sophia smiled dryly. “It’s not you I’m worried about, my lady,” she said, lifting a brow, as if she was daring Alaya to prove her wrong.

“I’m not going to murder him in my bedroom, Soph–”

“You are indeed merciful,” Adonis intoned drolly.

“His blood would take ages to come out of the carpets,” Alaya finished, wrinkling her nose.

“I’ll be outside if you need me,” Sophia said after a moment, bobbing into a curtsy before stepping into the hallway as well.

As soon as she was gone, Alaya turned to Adonis. “Now,” she said through gritted teeth. “Tell me what you’re doing here, Your Highness.”

“And if I don’t?” Adonis stood, brushing an invisible speck of dirt off his deep blue tunic.

Alaya scowled. “Then I’d be more than happy to show you my proficiency with the sharp end of a blade.”

Adonis’ gray-blue eyes glinted with amusement. “I seem to remember your swordsmanship is severely lacking, my lady. Why, just a year ago, there was that friendly duel between Gervasio and Hyperion. King Gerard–”

“Had the unfair advantage and you know it!” Alaya wasn’t sure why she bothered to entertain conversation with the prince. “Stop changing the subject. Just tell me what you’re doing here or I’ll-“

“Yes, yes, make your empty threats, princess,” Adonis began, but something snapped in Alaya then. She slipped the dagger from her hair and lunged, grabbing the prince by the shirt collar and holding the knife to his throat in one fluid motion.

“Care to repeat yourself, my lord?” Alaya snarled, her hair a mess of wet brown strands framing her face, her cheeks flushed with anger. Adonis caught her wrist before she could pierce his skin.

“Point taken,” he said, flashing the smile that Alaya knew made most girls swoon. “No pun intended, of course.”

Alaya’s lips twitched. She would not give him the satisfaction of laughing, though. She was not most girls. Alaya was a queen, whether she was ready to be or not.

“At any rate,” Adonis continued, pushing Alaya’s blade away from his throat gingerly. “I heard something peculiar when I happened to stumble past your window, Your Highness.”

“I’m not surprised. Eavesdroppers often hear things they shouldn’t,” Alaya shot back.

Adonis smirked. “That may be so, but do eyes see what isn’t there?”

“They do if you’re crazy,” Alaya mumbled, but Adonis pressed on, unperturbed.

“You’ve been crying,” he noted, studying Alaya’s face.

Alaya tightened her grip on her dagger. “I’ve never known you to care so much about my wellbeing, Your Highness,” she replied, each word sharp and precise.

“About your wellbeing?” Adonis laughed. “How you flatter yourself, my lady. I care little for your wellbeing. What I am curious about, though,” he grasped her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Is the reason why. What could the heir to Hyperion’s throne possibly have to cry about?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern,” Alaya jerked her chin away, but Adonis held her there, his lips curving.

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong, Your Highness.” A cruel light glinted in his eyes. “But I do believe I must congratulate you.”

“Congratulate me?”

“Of course,” Adonis pinched her cheeks like she was a silly child. “It’s not every day one gets to witness the rise of a new monarch.”

Alaya finally succeeded in breaking free of the prince’s grasp. She backed up, holding out her dagger in warning. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said evenly.

A slow smile spread across Adonis’ features, the cruel light still dancing in his eyes.

“You and I both know your father taught you to be above lying…” He leaned in close, his next words a breath against her ear. “Your Majesty.”

Chapter 4

~~~

taglist: @flowerbbybananamilk @thepilotguy988 @typewriting101

#Spotify

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lieutenantnazyalensky · 2 years

Text

Subject 4

Zoya knew that nothing good would come out of this, she had this feeling deep in her gut that whatever she found was going to be worse than it already seemed. Is not that she trusted the Drüskelle blindly, but judging for what Nina told her, what Matthias said made perfect sense. Besides, she was aware about the extent of the Czar’s cruelty.

But here she was, at the archives. She was Lieutenant General, arguably the most powerful woman in Ravka, no one dared to question as to why she was there. Questioning Zoya was practically questioning the Czar and no one wanted to do that. So she went through Alexei’s file and of course, she didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. That’s when she knew she had to dig deeper and that’s what she did.

She went to the restricted section and started looking on the Fjerdan section until she found what she was looking for.

“Lieutenant General” a voice called her and Zoya turned around, only to find the person in charge. “Can I help you with anything? This is a restricted section” he pointed out, making Zoya tilt her head to the side.

“Are you saying I can’t be here?” She asked in that calm yet cold tone of voice that made people think three times before replying.

“No, no, of course not, Lieutenant General” the man apologized quickly. “I’ll give you some privacy” he then murmured and left her alone.

It took her a while to find Alexei’s box, or more like Kristján, or Subject 4. Chills ran down Zoya’s spine, the bad type of chills. She pulled down several boxes, just in case the idiot came back. She needed to look as if she was checking different things out, not Alexei only. She grabbed the file and began to read it. There were pictures of him, of his family, of his home in Fjerda. There was another boy. Was that the Drüskelle? There was a little girl… could that be the famous Siggy?

The more she read, the more dread crept through her body. Zoya felt disgusted, and sick, and so terribly heartbroken. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, he had been a child. As Zoya went through the box, she found a videotape. Her heart was now pounding furiously against her ribcage and she wished nothing more than to be a heartrender. She approached the TV and put the videotape into the video player and pressed play.

There was a woman and a young boy playing with toys, both of them sitting on the floor. Alexei.

No, Kristjan.

“What’s your name?” The woman asked in fjerdan.

“Kristjan”

“No, Kristjan doesn’t exist… your name is Alexei, remember?”

“But… I am Kristjan… mama always calls me Kristjan when I’m in trouble” he frowns as he made a tower with the blocks on the floor.

“Your mother is dead, Alexei, she was sick”

“How can she be sick if we were playing the other day?”

“People get sick all the time”

“But she wasn’t”

Zoya could tell the Grisha was getting exasperated, she could detect the signs and before it happened, she pressed the ‘fast forward’ button. She couldn’t see that. She didn’t want to see it. He was just a child. What kind of monster would do that to a child? Zoya was furious, and all that anger kept on bottling up in her. After a few moments, she pressed play again.

This boy wasn’t Kristjan, not anymore.

“What’s your name?”

“That’s a silly question” the boy giggled. “My name is Alexei Smirnoff” the grisha was pleased.

“Do you like your new kefta, Alexei?”

“I do! Very much!” He said cheerfully.

“What happened to your parents, Alexei?”

“They died when I was little, they were sick…”

“Do you miss them?”

The boy shrugged, tracing the embrodied line of his kefta with his index. “I never really met them… you can’t miss someone you never met” he murmured and Zoya’s heart sank.

She immediately pressed stop. She didn’t need to see more, she felt disgusted, she felt sick and filthy for even witnessing such thing. She hit rewind and once it was done, she put everything back in place. Zoya didn’t want to be in that room one second longer.

She rushed out of there. Her heartbeat was off the charts, her legs felt weak. What kind of monster was ruling them? How long could she keep up with this facade? Pretending to be the most loyal servant, the man’s confident and most trusted advisor? How many more nights keeping his bed warm when he requested it? Zoya walked out of the Little Palace, into the grounds and further and further away. She couldn’t stop, her brain about to explode and she could barely breathe.

Zoya was a weapon, a soldier, she wasn’t a spy. She wasn’t as talented as Nina. How on earth was she going to bottle all this up? She was running now, deep into the forest until she tripped and fell on her knees and hands. Silent tears were running down her cheeks and she knew what she needed to do. She crossed both hands in front of her chest and then opened them, smacking her palms over her head as she lowered the acoustic of her surroundings, creating a silent dome around her.

The most guttural and raw cry went past her lips. Zoya cried out so loudly that a thunderstorm formed above her head. And once she began, she couldn’t stop.

Zoya cried for Alexei and for Kristjan, she cried for her aunt and her cousin, she cried for herself, she cried for everyone who once believed in the Czar. She cried for Feydor and Ivan, she even cried for Alina Starkov, that stupid Drüskelle and that idiot, Jesper Fahey. But above all things, she cried for her country and Grisha.

Who was going to stop this monster?

She covered her face with both hands and let it all out for the first time ever since she was labeled as a traitor by Alina Starkov and her gang of amateurs. The drops of rain began to fall, but she was too tired to move. So Zoya kept on crying, she needed to pour it all out of her system and get her shit together.

She needed a plan, she needed to act.

But for now, she was going to cry until her eyes dried out.

#drabbles #inspo #hello darkness my old friend

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mrsbrekkers · 3 years

Note

Hi! How are you?

Could I get a Kaz Brekker imagine where he opens up to the reader after a job about his past and the next day he tells her it was a mistake and a lapse of judgement, quite harshly. And then the reader gets hurt after a heist and he realises how much he actually needs her.

Thank you <3

i’m doing pretty good! first kaz fic tehe, i’ve been waiting to do kaz brekker one-shots since i read the books. he is v much a comfort character. i understand his aversion to physical touch ( i have panic attacks at times because of so ), his humor, and inner dialogue so he is v dear and near to my heart yeeee

i switched up the next day bit and did it as the same time since it made more sense to me?? i’m not sure how to explain it haha

pairings! kaz x reader / jesper x wylan + nina x matthias ( with inej third wheeling because she’d so do so. )

reader is female in this, but i can make it non-gender specific if one would like me too! just let me know i’m very flexible in my writing!

warnings! talking about jordie, ptsd, trauma, talk of death, loss of a brother + mother, swear words, kaz being sad, panic attacks, blood, near death experience, pekka a-hole rollins,

word count; 2610 ( proud again haha )

one-shot under cut!

COMPANIONABLE SILENCE

The Slat had become uncharacteristically quiet. A successful heist on part of the Crows made for easy celebration amongst the Dregs. Most sat gambling at the Crow Club, drinking the night away. Jesper had been having a weirdly lucky night, the money in front of him displaying such. Wylan had been on Jesper’s leg the entire night, and the occasional ‘This is my lucky charm’ could be heard from Jesper. Inej and Nina sat drinking together, Matthias looking like an unwilling bystander to the girls' fun. And yet, Y/N found herself back at the Slat after the long day. Her back screamed at her to call it a night, but instead, she found herself in front of Kaz’s door.

It was a routine the two had when they were the only ones at the Slat. Y/N would sit on the bed, head in a book, and Kaz would sit quietly at his desk planning whatever it was Kaz Brekker decided to plan. It seemed the same tonight, with Y/N quietly reading, until her head lifted to see Kaz rubbing his eyes.

“You need to get more sleep. The amount you manage is minimal. I’m surprised you’re not dead yet,” Y/N commented, her book falling into her lap, the page she’d left off on now folded at the corner. It surprised her how Kaz managed to live off of his, if lucky, two hours of sleep. She’d never understand it. Granted, she slept less than the suggested as well, but she always made up for it with at least a nap during the day.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

That might be sooner than you think at this rate. But Y/N wouldn’t take that for an answer. She wasn’t usually a pushy person, especially with Kaz Brekker. She’d learned being pushy with him was never a good idea, considering the amount of people who did were left with a ruined reputation and nothing to live with.

“Sleeping when you’re dead isn’t an option in Ketterdam. Even when you’re dead here, you’re really not. Especially when people know of you. And last time I checked, the entire city knows you, and half of it wants your head on a silver platter. I’m actually sure people outside of the city know you, and may want the same,” Y/N said, standing and moving over to the wooden desk, sitting across from Kaz. Her eyes landed on the work Kaz worked on, seeing another heist plan he was drawing out.

Kaz wasn’t going to give in easily, anyone who knew him knew he was stubborn. One of the most stubborn people who lived in Ketterdam, but he knew what Y/N was saying held some truth in it. One was never truly dead in Ketterdam. He suspected people would dig up his body to hand over to Pekka Rollins - no, he wouldn’t die before Pekka Rollins did, that was a promise he’d made himself after Jordie. Brick by Brick. He couldn’t pull Rollins apart if he was dead. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t dead yet: his vigor to destroy the man who’d killed his brother. But he did suspect that when he, Kaz Brekker, was dead, he’d never truly be dead.

“Even so, I have things to do, plans to make-”

“At 1 in the morning? I’m sure such plans aren’t going to disappear overnight.” Being cut off, Kaz casted Y/N a glare, eyes narrowing. Why she had such influence over him, he’d never know. Or, maybe he did know and wasn’t going to express why. Because why would he? Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason after all. He always had reasons though.

Finally, Y/N sighed. “I don’t expect you to listen to me, but I’m not going to let you rot away from the lack of sleep you get, Kaz. I am just as stubborn as you, and if I must? I will sit here and bug you about your lack of sleep until sunrise. Or until I inevitably fall asleep.” The smallest glimpse of a smile reached Kaz’s lips, an instinct to roll his eyes almost playfully too. Stubborn about the well-being of her friends was a Y/N special. Kaz had simply thought he’d have time before she got on his ass about his own health.

She’d already gotten on Wylan about his self-destructive habits. His tendency to blame himself for not being good enough. Y/N had practically choked him out once when he’d gone on a rant about how he was a problem for the Crows. A burden. Kaz himself had been somewhat frightened. She’d found ways to help Jesper and his gambling addiction, which usually included them gambling, but in ways that didn’t involve money. She’d gotten on Matthias for his excuses to not kiss Nina.

If Kaz remembered correctly, she’d called it ‘redirecting the issue’.

“You’re avoiding something,” Y/N then spoke, crossing her arms. Weren’t they all avoiding something? Kaz thought, huffing as he sat back into his seat. This was Ketterdam after all. If you weren’t running from some rich merchant, then you were running from their son. Wylan had simply been a lucky break in that usual streak.

“You say that as if we all aren’t running from something,” Kaz finally said out loud, his eyes casted downwards.

“Avoiding, Kaz. Not running, and something tells me the thing you’re avoiding isn’t something, but someone.” Y/N knew the look Kaz had on. She’d worn it herself dozens of times.

“I had a brother.” Kaz couldn’t bring himself to look directly at Y/N. It would make talking about this all too real. Too much. Was this a lapse in his judgement? Why was he telling her this? Had she managed to get so under his skin?

“We moved to Ketterdam after my father died. My brother . . . Jordie-'' the name came out with a small crack in his voice. He hadn’t said that name out loud since he’d laid on his sick brother’s chest. “Was hopeful about what the city would bring, and it brought peace for some time. We worked with a man for some time, and my brother was in on a deal. One that seemed too good to be true,” Kaz scowled now, his anger seeming to rise as he spoke.

Y/N sighed, knowing where this was going now. “When an offer is too good to be true-”

“It usually is. That man went by a different name then. One to scam people for their money to rise through the ranks of the Barrel.” Kaz finally lifted his eyes, seeing the realization rush over Y/N’s face.

“Pekka Rollins.”

“Pekka Rollins is the reason my brother is dead.”

The room fell silent for a few moments, Y/N contemplating what to say. She had a feeling she was among the few who knew Kaz’s story. She was tempted to ask how Joride died, but she could infer. She’d been around Ketterdam during the time firepox had plagued the city. Her mother had been taken from the disease. She’d been the same age as Kaz. It began clicking in her head too.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N murmured. “I know you probably don’t want my pity, but really, I’m sorry.” It made sense why Kaz felt like he needed to best Pekka Rollins. He wanted revenge. He wanted Rollins to be just as down as him and his brother had been.

Kaz sucked in a deep breath, standing and running a hand through his hair. His regret for telling the woman before him began to consume him. This was a mistake. Why had he told her? A harsh look fell over his face, looking down at the plans he had laid out. “I need to finish these plans, and I’m sure you need some sleep,” his tone was harsh, but it was clear there was hurt underlying it. He wasn’t going to be an outright asshole, but he needed his space now.

“You need sleep too, and I doubt you’re in the right headspace to try and make plans-”

“Y/N, leave.” He internally was begging. And Kaz Brekker never begged . . . but Kaz Rietveld would, and that’s who was begging.

“Kaz-”

“Leave.” Anger washed over his features, his eyes directing Y/N to the door.

Y/N sighed, walking towards the door. Before she turned the knob, she stopped. “You know being open about your past doesn’t make you weak, right?” But Kaz said nothing, afraid his voice would fail him. With no words spoken for a beat, Y/N opened the door, shutting it as she paced down the steps.

Her book still lied on the bed, the folded paper to the chapter she was on prominent. Kaz took one look at it before sighing and sitting in the chair, one tear making its way down his face.

---

It was supposed to be in and out. Another job. Another however much Kruge. Where is she? Kaz thought. Y/N was never one for being late. Sure she was working with Jesper, who was notoriously late, but she should’ve been out before Jesper was, and she wasn’t.

It’d been a week of no speaking. Kaz couldn’t speak to her after revealing so much. He feared it would become all too real. A common fear he had. Stealing, picking locks, it was all real to him, yes, but he never experienced reality when he was on a job. It was his way of ‘avoiding’ as Y/N would put it. But now, he couldn’t avoid the reality of this job.

The reality was: He’d ignored Y/N for a week in fear, and now she wasn’t at the rondevu point.

She’s Y/N, she isn’t dead. But that may not be true. She could indeed be dead. She could be, She could be, She could be.... Dozens of potential outcomes came to mind.

The world seemed to spin as he paced. Nina and Matthias had already tried to calm him. Nina had even tried to calm his heart rate down. Wylan seemed to be just as worried as Kaz as well, Jesper still out there alongside Y/N and all. Inej was calm, but it was clear she was worried too. They all were, but Kaz was being unusually emotional.

“At this rate, you’re going to have a heart attack Kaz,” Nina had said.

And if he did, then that’d be a first for the Bastard of The Barrel.

“And you’re not close to having one?” Wylan asked, shooting a glare over at Nina.

Kaz mentally thanked Wylan. At least he wasn’t the only one close to breaking down. Get in and out. In and out. What had gone wrong?

But then he heard the sound of boots running across the muddy ground, his eyes shooting up to see Jesper carrying a bleeding Y/N.

She’s bleeding. Who had hurt her? Kaz wasn’t sure, but anger filled him. That was until he fully internalized that Y/N was bleeding.

“Jesper, what happened?”

Jesper helped Y/N into the safe house, his breathing heavy as he helped her onto the bed of one of the rooms. “Rollins. He got word of the job. We became overwhelmed and Y/N here took a bullet to the shoulder.” Then Wylan was practically engulfing Jesper in a hug.

How? Was Kaz’s initial thought, but with a huff, he closed his eyes. Moving over to follow Jesper, he took off his coat. Upon entering the room Y/N was sitting in, he nodded towards her good arm, silently asking for her to take off the sleeve of the arm that was hit.

“I thought we weren’t speaking?” Y/N asked, groaning as she pulled the sleeve of her bad shoulder off with some help from Inej who pushed everyone else out of the room. Inej left as well, but gave Kaz a nod to let her know when he would need help.

Kaz didn’t lift his eyes to look at Y/N, his eyes steady on the bullet lodged in her shoulder. He pulled out the medical kit under the bed. Always prepared, Y/N thought.

“How did Rollins find out?” Y/N asked, watching Kaz pick up tweezers from the small medical kit.

“I’m not sure, but I plan on figuring it out. Stay still.” And Y/N did, knowing this was hard enough as it was for Kaz, she didn’t want to make it any harder. Squeezing her eyes shut as she prepared for the pain. She gripped onto the bed, seething as Kaz took the bullet out with the tweezers.

“I hope you know, I didn’t mean any harm last week.” Kaz knew what Y/N was referring too, and he simply nodded for the moment. Picking up the bandages from the kit, Y/N shook her head.

“Get Inej to do it, you’ve already pushed yourself enough.”

“It’s fine,” Kaz spoke, his voice firm.

“Kaz, don’t-”

“I want too.” His eyes lifted to finally look up at Y/N. She looked down as well, silently nodding. She understood Kaz enough to know this was his apology for ignoring her the past week.

“My mother, she died from firepox,” Y/N spoke quietly. She didn’t know how Kaz would take her bringing it up, but she felt that if she didn’t, they’d build up all this anger again. They’d ignore one another again. Kaz stalled. Flashes of Jordie and Reapers Barge consumed him for a few moments. Y/N’s skin turned cold, icy and raw. He flinched away from the feeling.

Then he heard it - Y/N’s heartbeat. She was living. She wasn’t a corpse. The heartbeat and blood were testament to that. She isn’t dead.

“I never told you how he died,” Kaz spoke quietly. He wasn’t used to talking about such subjects with anyone. It was the reason he’d taken on a different surname. That way he could cut ties with his past.

But for some reason, Y/N was able to make him feel . . . though begrudgingly, open with his past.

“I can infer, Kaz,” Y/N said with a small hiss as Kaz finished with the bandage, his hands shaky. “Now, you can continue ignoring me if you wish, I imagine you enjoy avoiding me.”

“I don’t enjoy it.” Kaz now had someone he connected with on a level he wasn’t used to. He wasn’t going to enjoy being apart from that.

“I know, I was simply making sure,” Y/N teased, her lips quirking in a small smile.

Kaz gave a small shake of his head, his lips pulling into a smile as well for just a moment. Then he picked up his coat he’d taken off. “I imagine you’re cold, here,” he spoke then, watching as Y/N took it and wrapped it around herself.

Then the door swung open, Nina rushing over to give Y/N a hug. “Kaz here almost had a heart attack. Wylan almost did. Jeez, never do that again,” she said, laughing a bit.

“Ouch, ouch, Nina,” Y/N spoke, referencing the still open wound on her shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry. We made food for you,” Nina said, smiling before handing Y/N a tray of food.

Kaz exited the room, allowing the others some time to talk to Y/N. Inej followed him, her arms crossed as she leaned against one of the walls.

“What information do you want me to get on Rollins?”

“Whatever you can find.” You’re not taking her from me Rollins, and you’d better be ready when I do come for you. Brick by Brick.

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bookishdream · 3 years

Note

Could you do a Kaz x reader where the reader have to "cheat on him" (not in relationship but like she goes to another gang) because someone's threatening her and when he discovers she was just trying to protect him and the gang she dies

A/N: Hi! Thank you so much for a request, I've been wanting to write some angst for a really long time! I hope it is as hurtful as you wished, enjoy xx

TW: angst, blood, killing

kaz brekker x reader

Your hands were sweaty and shaking. You crossed your arms on your chest in order to hide that. You didn’t like being threatened, especially by some amateurs. But it wasn’t a threat against you, it was against your family in Novyi Ziem. You had to use your whole will power to not kill them right there and then.

“Why do you think I’d do anything you want me to?” you asked snapping your gaze between a woman and a man in front of you. “You don’t know anything about me and my family you assume I have.”

“Oh, y/n, but we know everything. For instance, your little brother is playing as we talking on your vast field, your parents are watching him with so much love in their eyes,” woman with blonde hair spoke first, describing the scene so vividly that you almost showed an emotion on your face. “maybe they have already forgotten about you? Maybe your mother is pregnant so they could fill a blank you left in their home.”

“Shut up, you think you’re so smart, aren’t you?” you snapped, face blank and mind filling with memories from times when you were as young as your brother was then, playing on the exact same field. “I will never betray Kaz, and you should know that.”

“Oh sweetie,” the guy beside walked closer to you, you made a step, in order to make some distance between you and them. “we’re not asking you to betray him, we’re asking you to leave this silly gang and join us, Pekka Rollins would be really happy if you did.”

“You two are much denser than I thought, if you think I want to make him happy.”

“You don’t have a choice.” Blonde said, making you shiver. “We have someone who would be pleased to kill this little family of yours. I don’t think you want them dead, even though they think you are, in fact, dead.”

You started to think about that. Crows were your friends and you love them. Inej and Nina always found various ways to make you cheerful when your day wasn’t the best, Jesper taught you how to use a pistol and flirted with you like his life depended on it. Wylan was like a sun in rainy days, even if you loved them, you also loved this boy and his stupid jokes. Matthias was funny to tease, he always was saying how awful you and the girls were, but you could also see this little twitch of his lip corner when he tried to suppress his laugh. And there was Kaz, your beginning wasn’t the pleasant one, you nearly killed him when you saw him for the first time, and in revenge he left you in the Barrel for the whole night, all alone. But after that, you started falling for him, and you fell hard. You couldn’t exactly point out when that happened, but you were sure you’d anything to save him from himself. He had tough personality, he cared only for money and how he could invest it to get the whole city only for himself. But he let you do that with him, barley sleeping and when you did it was in the same bed. Arm-length gap but you always were less exhausted than when you were sleeping in your own bed. You loved him and the rest of the Crows, but you loved your family more. And you knew what you had to do.

“Bitch.” You murmured. “Fine, whatever. Just stay the hell out of my family. And the gang.”

“We knew you’d make a right decision. Pekka will send money to Per Haskell in order to buy your contract. You won’t regret that.”

“I already do.”

After that day, you were about to start living with your new gang, family, like Pekka had said to you the previous day, he’d also told you to not worry about your parents and brother, that they were safe as long as you were working with him, willingly.

You wouldn’t call this willingly, but you guessed it was enough to prevent your family from any harm coming from Pekka and his stupid gang. You hated being here, you missed the Crow Club, late night talks with Inej and Nina, and helping Kaz with buying new ships. You wanted nothing more than to escape, but you couldn’t. Kaz and Crows could fight and kill, whereas your family was vulnerable, they couldn’t even hurt a fly. You spent the whole evening in your empty room. Window with grids making you shiver, you felt like a prisoner you were.

“We have a job for you.” The blonde girl who captured you came in, like it was her cell, not yours. “Behave and perhaps we’ll get rid of those grids.”

You wanted to punch her, you didn’t even know her name, it wasn’t even relevant, your hand was itching. You took a long, calming breath and looked at her, frowning. “I thought it was another week until you’d trust me enough to even open my window.”

“You’ve been here for two weeks. Plans have changed, we need you right now, so cut the attitude and come with me.”

You rolled your eyes and went after her, going up the stairs and leaving the place Pekka’s gang lived. You took another deep breath, smelling the awful scent of Ketterdam, smoke and money as Kaz used to say. Gods, you missed him.

“Where are we going?” you asked, falling into step with the girl, there were only the two of you, you assumed the rest will be somewhere where you were going. “What’s the job?”

“Can’t you just shut up? You’ll know when we’re there.”

You really wanted to punch her, still you said nothing, you wouldn’t get anything from her. It was dark on the city’s streets, buildings high enough to cover the moon, didn’t let its shine to light up the roads. You were annoyed and cold, your hair was swaying with the wind, goose bumps poking on your skin.

“Here.” Blonde said, handing you a pistol. “If you kill someone from ours, you’re dead before you take your last breath.”

You rolled your eyes, hiding your gun into the pocket of a coat you had. The metal was cold, making your hands even colder than they were before. Now when you had a real gun, not only your knife, perhaps you’d be able to escape. But where would you go? You were sure Kaz knew where you were, perhaps thinking you betrayed him, that thought only made you feel guilty in your guts, he trusted you and you chose people who you hadn’t seen for years over him. You had to escape, the cost didn’t matter.

When you came to the place, you saw a guy from Pekka’s gang and Kaz. Both of them were talking, but members of both groups had their guns or blades taken out. The Dirtyhands had his black coat, and his walking stick, as always. Jesper also was beside him, hands on his gun belt, ready to take them out and fire. You were more than sure that Inej was also there, somewhere on the roof or in the shadows, waiting and prepared to fight.

“We have men everywhere, two on roofs, one behind the bridge. All of them have guns pointed on you and your previous friends. I hope you know what that means.” The girl said, eyeing you. You only nodded, worrying too much about the Crows to even snap at her. “Good, now go and wait for a signal.”

You did as you were told, you hid somewhere behind a building, trying to recall every piece of information you gathered while snooping on guards or using the fact that they didn’t always close your doors. You had to find someone and tell them, you couldn’t waste any more time.

You poked your head out, searching for Matthias or Wylan. You doubted Nina would be here, since she was still working in the pleasure house. You were sure Wylan was there with his explosion ready to, well, explode. You cursed under your breath, when you couldn’t spot any of them, panic getting out of you with frustration. Someone from the Dime Lions would notice you’re not somewhere where they could spot you.

You crossed the narrow lane, as you noticed Matthias, you whistled hoping he would look into your direction. He turned his head and spotted you, anger on his face visible even in the dark. You cringed, knowing you’d get beaten up.

“You’ve got some nerve,” He said, his voice low. “after you started working with them, you have the audacity to come here.”

“Listen, I didn’t have a choice,” your voice so close to start begging him for forgiveness. “It was about my family.”

He looked at you wordlessly, confusion painting his face. Of course, he didn’t know you had a family, why would he. After a second, the ire came again. “You’re lying.”

“I'm not, I want to help you.”

“Oh, so now you did that to help us?”

“Matthias, I’m begging you, just let me tell you what I learnt.” You pleaded, your voice small. “Pekka wants to kill you as you’re standing, he has those new guns that can shoot you from really long distance.”

“What?” he looked alarmed, “We have to tell Kaz. Come.”

You let out a breath, it wasn’t the best look he sent you, but at least he didn’t leave you here. You told him everything you knew, he listened but his face still didn’t have pleasant expression.

You took out your gun, making your way behind the dumpster, hiding in shadows. You tried to calm your nerves, but the adrenaline had already kicked in. Matthias and you startled when you heard a shot, then another. You sent yourselves a knowing look, taking a step closer to the place where Kaz and the other guy were talking. Jesper had his guns out and Kaz was looking at the boy in front of him with disgust. You saw one of the Dregs were bleeding, you lifted your gun, targeting the closest one from the Dime Lions and fired. The bullet hit the girl in her stomach, making her stumble and fall to the ground. You hid yourself behind the wall and waited. Matthias sent you a look and you only lifted your arms, not knowing what to said.

After that, guns started firing, screams were everywhere. You saw the blonde girl that came here with you, standing with her pistol, aiming Kaz. You shot without looking, trying to hit her in an arm, you heard her scream and saw how the gun was laying on a ground. You looked up and saw that Kaz was looking at you, his face blank and unreadable. Jesper beside him, shooting people and screaming at Wylan to explode. The sound of explosion came from the roof, exactly where members of Lions were, you let out a shaky breath and made a step into the fight. Matthias fighting with his fists, slowly making his way toward Kaz, you tried to help him clear the path by shooting few people either in their heads or legs.

Your hands were tired, your head pounding but you were fighting hard, you had to make this in order to confess Kaz the whole truth. When you were close to him, he locked his eyes into yours.

“We have to talk.” You told him, lowering your tone. “Please.”

“This is not the best time to talk, y/n” the way he said your name made you shivered. It wasn’t an intimate way, it was with so much poison in only one word. “Why aren’t you fighting with your new gang?”

“Kaz, please, I’m trying to help.” You voiced, your eyes burning with sweat that slowly dripped from your forehead.

“Whatever.” He smacked an opponent with his cane, you only heard the sound of cracked bone and a loud thud when the enemy fell to the ground.

You two were fighting as you had before Pekka came into your life. Kaz understood you without any words, knew exactly where he should cover you because you couldn’t. Your movements were precise, keeping people away from Kaz’s vulnerable leg. You were fighting in a harmony, you kept your focus on people you had to kill, you shot them without any hesitation. When your bullets ended, you took out your knife and started stabbing everyone who wanted to stab you.

“I– “you paused, feeling a pain in your abdomen. You looked at Kaz, but he was looking at your lower stomach, you placed your gaze there and you saw blood. A lot of blood, then you felt pain, you stumbled, but Kaz placed his hand on your waist, slowly letting you fall on the ground. Your whole stomach was on fire, slowly burning you with its flame.

“Don’t you even dare dying here, messing my coat with your blood” he said, caressing your cheek. You chuckled, tasting blood on your tongue. “Don’t even think about it, y/n.”

“I’m–, please forgive me, Kaz” you murmured, hoped your words were understandable. “I was trying to save my family, but you’re my family too.”

“Y/n, I forgive you, but I’m begging you, don’t close your eyes” his voice filled with regret, eyes burning with anger, but you knew it wasn’t toward you. “Keep your eyes open.” He yelled at someone, but you couldn’t understand either it was Jesper or Matthias.

“Tell them I love them” you started to give up, your eyelids slowly closing. “I love you, Kaz Brekker.”

“Y/n, please don’t leave me” he tried to keep his voice from cracking, but he failed.

But you didn’t hear that, you had your eyes closed, hand that was laying on your stomach, now laying on the ground. He carefully removed his arm and got up. He spotted a blonde girl, smirking and looking at him, she slowly lifted her pistol, mockingly swaying it. She winked at him and still with a smirk, she left. Kaz made a promise he would kill her, he would do it for him. And for you.

356 notes · View notes

milkbaer · 3 years

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Witch’s Night | m.h.

summary: at Walpurgis Night Matthias only had dreamed of dancing with a stranger, never thinking it becoming reality and more pairing: Charakter x f/m/gn!reader; Rolle von Reader matthias helvik x f!reader; fjerdan healer warnings: mentioning of drinking; lots of kissing word count: 4.7k a/n: last week was Walpurgis Night and it felt like something Fjerdans would celebrate, going a bit bonkers. Yeah, I wanted to post it on Walpurgis Night bc let’s be honest, that would’ve been cool, right? But I’m slow. Well, here we are. I hope y’all having fun 💕 oh yeah, Reader is a healer but it’s (only) hinted. Big thanks and hugs to @sumsebien for helping me edit it all and polishing it 🥺💖

„Do you want to dance?” Matthias heard a sweet but slightly slurred voice. He looked up to meet the eyes of drunkest girl he has met. Her hair was loose, not in the usual braids Fjerdan women wore, falling into waves around her faces. A crown made of herbs sat perfectly on her head. Some strands of hair stuck to her forehead and cheeks. Illuminated from the fire behind her she looked like the most divine being he had ever seen, like Djel had chosen her. Everything of her was bewitching, even her slightly intoxicated smile.

“No, actually not,” he said. The young drüskelle was not used to being asked by a woman. Fjerdan women were expected to be pious and demure, virtuous. It was forbidden for them to even look at alcoholic beverage in public.

But today wasn’t a normal day, tonight was witch’s night and the farer you were from a bigger city, the less orderly the festivity was. In Djerholm women would be dancing and singing around the pyre, wearing whatever they wanted, but they wouldn’t dare to touch any kind of punch or wine. Here, however, in one of the more rural villages, people didn’t care. They were too drunk on wine, too drunk on music and joy.

The girl pouted. “Is it because you’re a drüskelle?” she asked. “Do you not want to or are you not allowed to?”

Since other drüskelle, his friends, were all dancing, the answer should be clear. He didn’t want to. No, actually, all Matthias wanted to do was grab her and pull her to the dance floor. His heart said go but his brain stopped him, telling him it was wrong to do so. Why? He did not know.

“No? Okay, what a shame,” she said, when Matthias kept silent.

With a sigh, he watched her skip towards the dance circle, taking the hand of a young man and the of an older women. They danced and laughed like she knew them her entire life.

Matthias watched her sing along to the old songs of the Hedjut, laughing and twirling around. He didn’t know why but he just couldn’t take his eyes of her. No, he knew exactly why he couldn’t stop looking at her. She was simply enchanting, her beauty and rhythm were captivating, and her plain joy made him feel pure happiness.

Matthias should’ve gone and danced with her. But he didn’t. Instead he watched her with a smile on his face that he didn’t even knew was there.

. . .

Sipping on his wine Matthias took a break from the fire and dancing. The folk tunes had died down and the players took a minute to change the style, plucking and striking the chords in an even wilder rhythm. Matthias hadn’t set one foot on the dance floor and yet he had felt the need to rest. Sitting around the fire had made him feel too hot in his wool coat, simple waistcoat and linen shirt. He couldn’t imagine how she must feel, dancing and dancing around the pyre in her traditional dress, never stopping. She must be exhausted.

Stop it, Helvar. He knew he shouldn’t think about her every minute and second. But his brain betrayed him every chance it got, shifting back to her as fast as it could. The girl was so intoxicating, there was just no escape. So he stopped trying, letting his thoughts wander back to her, over and over, thinking how she might be if it wasn’t witch’s night, and she was just another regular Fjerdan girl. Pious, demure, and virtuous.

Wine got wasted, spilled on the ground when Matthias let it drop in surprise. Out of the blue, the young drüskelle got dragged away, one arm firmly embracing his. Confused he let himself be taken away until he came to his senses, putting all his weight to his feet. “What are you doing? You owe–“

Surprised by the sudden force of his rebellion, the girl tumbled against his chest, falling into his arm. Matthias hadn’t noticed that it was her, despite having watched her dance for an eternity. “I’m going to dance with you, drüskelle,” she said, patting his chest.

“My name isn’t drüskelle and I won’t dance with you,” Matthias said, tone not matching his words. Instead of scowling or looking intimidating, a small smile adorned his face. He had no idea nor control over it, the grin creeping onto his lips like it had been placed there by an otherworldly force. He would not be surprised if it had been her doing. Maybe she was a drüsje.

“Well, I’d call you by your name, if I had known it. So drüskelle is all I can call you,” she said. “Or do you prefer handsome stranger? You can choose.”

“M-Matthias. Call me Matthias” He chuckled miserably, sounding like he was choking. Since when did he get flustered? Could it be the scent of the herbs twisting his mind? “But only if you tell me yours.”

“My name’s Y/N, you better not forget it, Matthias,” she said in a teasing way, patting his chest yet again. “Come on, we’ve some dancing to do!”

He chuckled and let her lead the way. Walpurgis Night was a crazy night, but he loved the way she said Matthias. Y/N didn’t know him and yet his name sounded so light and loving in a way he hadn’t heard for a long time.

“So, what is it that you do, Matthias?” Y/N asked as soon as they stepped between the other dancers.

The tall blonde blinked, confused why she would ask that when she knew that he was a drüskelle. “We hunt drüsje.”

“I know, but what is it that you do for fun?”

Still confused, he began telling her about the ways he caught witches. How he was often used as an element of surprise - his bola disarmed witches easily. He told Y/N more but stopped when he noticed that she didn’t find joy in it. It was the first time that Matthias had ever seen her not laugh or smile. She looked rather sad, and he couldn’t take it. Fjerdan women didn’t like hearing about witch trials, fights and shackles, not even on Walpurgis Night.

“That’s not what I meant. What do you like?” Y/N asked him softly as if they were alone in a quiet place and not amongst feasting people. “I really love flowers – “She had meant to say more, Matthias knew it but never got to hear it.

Before she could tell him more about herself, Y/N got pulled away by another dancer wearing one of the infamous Hedjut witch masks. They were made of wood with pudgy noses, ghastly eyes and gruesome smiles carved into them. Some were painted to look extra beastly. They loved portraying them as horrendous as horrendous creatures, while their tales painted drüsje as sinful allure, seducing both women and men alike.

Matthias was led away to dance with another young girl wearing a lavish flower crown. She took his big, rough hands into hers and moved him to the rhythm. He hadn’t danced in a long time, music and the moves felt foreign to him, but he tried following her steps, letting her pull him along the way she wanted. The flower girl was pretty and good at dancing, yet definitely not as good as Y/N. He hoped for another change of partners to come so that . . .

He hated the dances, not because they weren’t any fun, actually he had plenty of fun, but it felt short because she wasn’t with him. Y/N dragged him out here to dance with her and yet he never got the chance to do so. Matthias got passed on from the flower maiden to an older woman, then to a group with a courting couple. She was always too far away from him. In the end he gave up, retiring from the dance floor to flop back down on one of the logs.

Dancing with Y/N had been different than he had imagined. But when he slumped down hoping to catch her in the corner of his eyes, she was nowhere to be found.

“What? Had enough of dancing already? I must admit, I expected more from you, Matthias.”

Matthias looked up to find her smiling at him again. Y/N looked even more enchanting than before. Her crown had barely moved, her hair wild. She was glowing, fire illuminating her from behind. Earlier, he thought that she looked like something chosen from Djel but now, light forming a halo around her, Matthias was sure that this was Djel’s work.

“I’m not dancing again.”

“Why not?”

Because I’m not dancing with you again. Ever.

She sat down beside him, first looking at the stars and then watching the dancers. For a moment, they sat in complete silence. One that he both embraced and feared. His eyes moved to Y/N, admiring her again, taking in her dress, the Hedjut patterns, and her scent. She smelled like herbs and fire, like thyme and rosemary, smoky and tangy with a certain kind of sweetness. Matthias was unable to put it into words, but he would never forget her scent again. Whatever witchcraft was doing to him, he didn’t want it to end.

“I think we might need some wine,” Y/N said. “Yes, I’ll get us some. Wait here.”

Matthias was a bit baffled but stood up to get two cups instead, ordering her to stay seated on the log. They clinked their clay cups and after taking the first sips, Y/N said, “I’ve the feeling they’ll change songs soon.”

He looked at her, sipping slowly and licking away the remains of wine in the corner of her lips. “I won’t dance again.”

“But I want to dance with you,” she said, almost whining, and he wondered if they both felt the same. “We barely had the chance to do so. And besides, I have a feeling that they will play a slower song next.”

Light chuckles escaped his throat, his body shaking out of joy. Yet again, he couldn’t escape her good mood, it was just … she was just bewitching. “Oh, so you have a feeling?”

“Yes, I trust it very well. My gut has never betrayed me since–” Laughing Y/N patted her tummy.

“Since when?”

“Well, since forever,” she shrugged, a silly grin on her lips.

Finally, the old song tuned down, the musician took a short break to recollect their energy and breath. Not even Djel knew, how long they had been playing. “Your feeling must be drunk then,” Matthias snorted when another circle formed to an upbeat melody. The slow couple’s song she promised never came.

“It’s not drunk. I’ve only had 3 or 4 cups!” Y/N protested, chucking down the rest of her drink. Matthias couldn’t help but stare at her. Did she really just …? “I know one is coming, so just you wait –“

Suddenly, she jumped off the log, rushing towards the dark and vanished. He was left gaping at her, dumbfoundedly staring into nothing. Matthias didn’t know what to do. The drüskelle still needed to process what had just happened. One minute they were joking around, and the other Y/N ran off into the dark. Maybe they were right with forbidding women to drink in public. He went after her. But just as he stood up, she returned with a smile, her hands behind her back.

“What happened?” Matthias asked, worried. Y/N only smiled, he didn’t care if it was put there by alcohol, it was just sweet like honey. Precious, silky and golden as though it was pure bee’s gold.

“I found what was missing,” she said, leaving him even more confused. As far as he knew nothing had been missing … or was he already so drunk that he missed something and didn’t notice? Smiling bright, brighter than the bonfire, she presented him a crown. It was different than hers, with less herbs and more lavish flowers in every size and color.

Matthias looked at her, confusion written all over his face. His cheeks were already a tad red and hot from the bits of wine he had, he didn’t know but he could swear that they grew warmer. The last time Matthias wore a flower crown, he was still a child. His sister liked to weave grasses and flowers into wreaths. They all were simple, almost poorly made but Matthias had always worn them with pride. And his little sister used to look so happy when he did so, laughing when they matched.

“A crown?” he asked simply to fill the brief silence, just to say anything.

Y/N nodded, wearing a shy smile on her lips. The whole night he had seen her be nothing but boisterous, full of life and joy. This was the first time he saw her act bashful. “I thought it was only fair. May I?” She asked coming down to his level, lifting up the colorful wreath.

Matthias looked at her, droning out fire, music, and people. Everything was far, far away, only Y/N and him. Where there was nothing else. The fire illuminated them both and he only thought, again, how enthralling she was. His blue eyes met hers. He knew it wasn’t the first time, but he fell deep for her.

Scooting closer, Y/N lifted the flowers over his head. Matthias kept still, breath hitched, afraid of ruining everything if he moved even just a little. Her hot breath tickled the tip of his nose, brushing over his cheeks, as he watched her place it onto his head with concentration. Careful, as if it was a crown made out of gold and she was crowning a king, she adjusted it until she deemed it flawless.

“Perfect,” she mumbled, gently removing her fingers as if they could destroy her work at any time. Moving back to admire her work, Y/N hesitated, suddenly noticing how close they were. Her breath tickled him still. Her eyes wandered down to his lips. With a gulp, she thought about pressing her lips to his.

She was close and he tried to take in all the beauty of her face, from the small scratch on her nose to the form of her lips. So close he could smell the herbs even more. Everything was wonderful.

Matthias moved closer. Without even knowing, his eyes lingered on her lips. He couldn’t explain why, he didn’t need to, but he wanted her. Matthias wanted her to kiss him, to feel her lips on his.

They were so close, lips almost brushing against each other.

So close.

“Shall we dance?” Y/N whispered against his lips. “There’s a slow one coming up.”

He nodded hesitantly, breaking what shouldn’t be.

“You feel it?” Matthias himself didn’t know what he had meant. The music or the kiss that almost happened between them.

She nodded, leading him away to the dance floor.

. . .

Finally, Matthias was doing what he wished to do but it felt off. He held her in his arms, slowly dancing to the tender tune of music. All night, he had only wished to dance with her. But now that he was holding Y/N in his arms he didn’t want to anymore. All the time his mind went back to what shouldn’t have happened and never did.

Kissing in public, as an unmarried couple, was shameful and improper. It was too much, even for witch’s night.

But forget the dancing. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and press his lips to hers. It was wrong but it was all he could think about. His whole mind spun around kissing her. How good she would feel in his arms, against his lips. She would, surely, taste like sweet wine.

Y/N smiled at him and he did too. He couldn’t refuse her smiles, couldn’t refuse her lips. The music was loud and yet he heard what she was whispering to him so clearly. Did he look as besotted as she did? Maybe, at least, he hoped so for her. She should know how much she enthralled him. But there was no way that he would ever look as lovely, and divine, as she did.

“You look beautiful,” Y/N breathed. It was only meant to be heard by him. No one has ever called him, a drüskelle, a witch hunter, a Fjerdan soldier, beautiful. Only his mother. He didn’t mean to, but his cheeks flushed bright red, and it wasn’t the work of alcohol or fire. Seeing him blush, wearing the flowers, and looking absolutely stunning, made her smile more. “You really are.”

Matthias never wanted to imagine how she would behave if it wasn’t witch’s night but a regular day. How she would be, pressured by society and high ranks to act after their will. He did not want for her to be more pious and demure. All he wished for her to never change, to be who she was and to stick more flowers, and herbs, and whatever she wanted, into his hair.

All he wanted was to love and worship her.

“Do you want to dance?” He had meant to thank her or something. But somehow all that came out was a silly suggestion. He didn’t even want to dance anymore. His words echoed in his head, thinking how stupid it must have sounded.

Y/N stared at him, tonight’s fire reflecting in her eyes. “No, I think I’ve enough,” she said, even though Y/N could never have enough of dancing.

“Really?” As far as he knew, she could dance all night long.

“What? You don’t believe me?” Her grin made him chuckle.

Their plan wasn’t bullet-proof, but they slipped out into the forest, careful not to be noticed by many. She let him lead her through the forest, even though she knew it better than he did.

“Where are we going?” She asked, unable to suppress her giggles. Matthias led her deeper into the woods, running and laughing like the love drunken fools they were.

“You’ll see!” He laughed but he had no plan where to go.

They ran and laughed, skipping over the occasional stones in their way. Not even the sharp, dense webs of branches could stop them. But when his boot hit against a thick tree root, he stumbled. With nothing to break their fall, both of them landed on the mossy ground. “Are you okay?” Y/N asked, pushing her wreath and some hair out of her eyes.

Groaning, Matthias turned around, stumbling hadn’t been nothing this time. But when he saw her, and the stars and moon behind her, he smiled like an idiot. “Djel, you’re beautiful.”

He had no idea how they got here to this small clearing, where the night sky was perfectly framed by the woods. This must have been Djel’s doing, he must have ld them here. “I think you’re pretty too,” Y/N smiled lovingly, carefully caressing his cheek. “But are you okay?”

His hand rested above hers, pressing it slightly more to his cheek. Desperately he wanted to kiss her hands, every knuckle and more important, he finally wanted to kiss her. Slowly he moved her hand to his lips, pressing soft, light kisses against its back and then kissing her palm, long and gently. Never had he kissed a girl like that before, but it just had felt like the right thing to do. Closing her eyes, Y/N enjoyed this serene moment, his gentleness. She had watched him before, rough, and violent with his fellow drüskelle but never had it crossed her mind that he could be so gentle.

Lifting their hands away from his lips, his eyes found her again, looking so damn peaceful and perfect. Finally, Matthias wanted to get a taste of her mouth, the sweetness of her lips but when he hoisted himself up to kiss her, he hissed.

“Matthias, are you alright?” Y/N asked him again, concern written all over her face.

Between all his running and stumbling he must have collected some scratches, one must have gotten deeper, or he had fractured his hand trying to weaken the fall. Having inspected his hands and arms, Matthias just shrugged. “It’s nothing, just a few scratches.” While his cuts didn’t seem deep Y/N still worried for his well-being. She wouldn’t be surprised if he had played it all down and had actually been badly hurt.

“Are you–“

With his hand on her head, pressing her further onto his level, the drüskelle had done what he had longed to do. He kissed her. It was short and sloppy, he only caressed half of her lips. But it felt so good. Y/N’s lips, the part of them, were even sweeter than he had imagined. It was better than he had ever imagined.

Having just kissed her, all sloppy and not perfect at all, Matthias stared at her, stomach churning. He hunted drüsje, brought them to fall with his bola and skills, and yet he felt nervous because of a kiss. It was terrifying. Had Y/N enjoyed it as much as he did? Or had it been so horrible that she’d never kiss him again and regretted even asking him to dance in the first place?

Y/N stared at him and it made him nervous. She noticed the small cuts on his faces, so small that they were barely visible. His cheeks shone rosy on his fair skin, lightly illuminated by the night sky. He was either flushed because of the kiss or something else. Whatever it was, he looked beautiful with his short hair lightly tousled, fine strands sticking to his skin. It was a shame that his crown got knocked off, he’d have looked even prettier.

“Kiss me, Matthias.”

He needn’t have been told twice.

Cupping her cheeks, almost squishing them in delight, he caught her lips in a hungry kiss. Quickly his hands moved down her neck when Y/N slung her arms around his, pressing herself closer to him, deepening the kiss. Having her sit in his lap made loving her so much easier. A soft moan escaped him when she raked her finger through his hair, massaging his scalp. Her playing with his hair and lips, sucking on them lightly, felt too good to be true. Heavenly. But it was all short-lived when her lips left his, making him wonder if he had done something wrong again.

Her arms slumped down against his neck, hugging it loosely. Gently she rubbed her nose against his, tips briefly touching in a loving manner. “You’re beautiful, do you know that Matthias?”

“You keep telling– “

Gone was her tenderness when Y/N kissed him again, sloppy but hungry, sucking in his lower lip.

“Because you are.” She smiled before holding his cheeks and going down on his lips again. He didn’t mind being pushed back into moss by a forceful kiss. Smiling into the kiss, he actually enjoyed it. His hands felt a bit restless, unsure of what to do. Her fingers crawled back to his hair, drawing again a moan from him. It left Y/N wanting for more, nibbling his bottom lip until he parted his lips for her to enter. His hands rested on her back, keeping her near and pushing her closer until their tongues met for the first time. Her mouth tasted even sweet than her lips, sweeter than Matthias had imagined. This couldn’t all be the wine he thought. She must be honey.

He remembered thinking he could get lost in her gaze and drown in her taste forever.

Roaming over her back, he could feel hints of her stays under her dress. Y/N held his face in her hands, cupping his cheeks, deepening their kiss. His fingers found the buttons of her dress, itching to loosen them and feeling the soft skin of her back against his rough hands. Under her touch, his skin tingled. The prickling sensation moved through his body and he thought, amazed, that this was exactly what he had been waiting for all night. Infatuated by the pleasant feeling in his body, he only noticed he had loosened her buttons when the skin around her neck and shoulders was revealed to him, free for him to roam.

Breaking the kiss, their breaths erratic, they gasped for some air before going down again. Y/N smiled at the feeling of his hands caressing her back. And after playing with his short hair for the thousandth time, her fingers trailed down to his chest. Fumbling with the buttons of his shirt, unable to open it, she broke off the kiss. Matthias chuckled at her desperate attempts to open his shirt. She cursed as she yet did not manage to unbutton it again.

“Wait, let me,” he said. Hands leaving her shoulders bare, partly slipping off her sleeves unwillingly, to fumble at his own buttons. To her delight, Matthias, too had troubles with the buttons of his own shirt, cussing when he didn’t manage to open them as easily as he thought.

“I see we’re having some troubles.” Y/N laughed. Seeing him curse his own garment was funny and oddly cute.

“Not anymore,” he said, when he finally managed to open the first buttons of his shirt, guiding her back to his lip with a hand gently resting on her cheek. While her hands quickly traveled to his chest, fingers gently tracing over his skin, he found his way back to her bare shoulders.

They seemed to match perfectly, lips moving perfectly in sync. Y/N smiled, moaning into the kiss, when she felt Matthias’ chest lightly vibrating. He couldn’t stop himself, moans swallowed by their lips, as he travelled down her back, fingers gliding over her stays. Slowly he moved down her back, gently sliding over her buttocks, while Y/N painted light patterns on his chest. It sounded stupid but the hair on his chest had surprised her. In a pleasant way. She would later tell him that she loved the tiny hairs on his chest and running her fingers over it.

Y/N would never stop telling him how beautiful he was. In her eyes Matthias was simply heavenly, divine. The most beautiful man Djel has ever created.

Matthias didn’t know where he was going with this, there wasn’t much thought behind his moves. All he wanted was to simply love and worship her, praising every inch of her. His hands left goosebumps all by themselves when they slowly traced over her legs. His hands traveled further, under the skirts of her dress, hitching it up. Hands resting upon her thighs, he gave them a little squeeze, smiling when she made a pleased sound.

But his smile vanished quickly with her hand, leaving his chest feeling slightly empty. Y/N moved her hand to his, both resting upon her thigh. She too gave it a little squeeze and then Matthias felt it again. This warm feeling moving through his body, hand tingling with something that must be joy, love, or both. Again, he couldn’t describe it but if kissing her felt like this, he would never get enough of it.

Smiling he broke the kiss, both appreciating the pause to recollect their breath. He stared at her and she looked back, memorizing every inch of his mesmerizing face. Y/N would love to tell him yet again, how pretty he was. She couldn’t get enough of telling him that. Seeing his bashful reaction just made her heart swell. “Such a shame you don’t wear the crown anymore, you’d look even prettier. If that’s even possible.”

Y/N expected him to blush, chuckle, or both, at her compliment. But all he did was admire her. He just couldn’t stop looking, again thinking how perfect she looked. It almost seemed unbelievable to him that tonight he had danced with her and kissed her under the moonlight. He never wanted this almost dream-like evening to end. If by tomorrow, it all turned out to have been nothing more than his imagination, he would be glad, still, that it was the best dream he had ever had. Gently and with love in his eyes, he brushed strands of her hair from her face, tucking them behind her ear. Matthias kissed her again but not hungry like a wolf. He was far gentler, carefully nibbling at her lips, as if they might break, before kissing her with all the love and adoration he could muster.

“Did you know that you taste very sweet?” Mathias asked her.

She laughed. “Like sugar?”

“No, like honey but much, much sweeter.”

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