#me @ my own tags: we fucking get it you love Sam so much

[starry-bi-sky]

Hello Starry! I just had a thought about your Danyal al Ghul AU, and didn't have anyone else to share it with, so here we go:

If in this universe Bruce is Jewish, and Danny knows this(probably from a google search), he may wear a Star of David necklace to have a piece of his father with him at all times, since he knows he will never get to meet him. Or maybe the necklace sits in a box under a floorboard, because he can't stand the constant reminder of the father he'll never get to have. Maybe he observes Sam and her family celebrate Jewish holidays, or he learns how to by himself, but uses the time to mourn, instead of celebrate.

Anyways, hope all is well, and thank you for sharing your writing!

AAHHHH??? YOUR BRAIN??? Thank you!! I love sharing my writing, it soothes my need for attention lol. lmao, even. (Also how did you know i was thinking of my danyal al ghul au today -- i have an unfinished draft that i was thinking of delving into after my work meeting) also aahh!!!!!!!! im so happy that you wanted to share your thoughts with me about it <333

But dude BOTH of these ideas are soo?? GOOD and ANGSTY. I love angsty. Danny would for sure know if Bruce was Jewish, lil guy did an obsessive amount of research on his dad the moment he got his hands on a computer and figured out how they worked. Danny has like, a three inch thick folder almost on his father alone. Anything he could get his hands on, he's got it. That thickness is almost exclusively from his first like, six months in Amity Park. He keeps it in a box in his closet, along with his growing-folder on Damian and his achievements as Damian Wayne. He pages through it when he's feeling like mourning.

First off: him wearing a Star of David necklace to feel connected to Bruce. That is SO sad and I love it so much. He bought it with an allowance he'd been given when he first started living with the Fentons, he keeps it tucked under his shirt so nobody even knows he has it. Sam and Tucker don't until it slips out while he's hanging out with them and when they ask him about it, Danny very reluctantly tells them that his father is Jewish. When he's distracted, nervous, or sad, he fidgets with it. How this looks is that he looks like he's kinda rubbing his chest, like ungrasping and grasping something.

Second Off: him keeping it in a box under the floorboards. That is also so, so good. He's got it in the box along with a few other things that remind him of his father and Damian and his mother. He takes it out when he's feeling particularly lonely and homesick, it's a feeling that never really goes away even after five years of living in Amity Park. It's like a longing for something you'll never see again, but isn't that just how grief works? i can just imagine him sitting against the bed, late at night and back from patrol. He's still in his ghost form, his katana laid on the ground next to him, and his almost bird-like cape pooling down beside him as he cups the necklace in his hand like he's cradling an egg. Maybe he's bleeding from somewhere, and he's telling the necklace about patrol, murmured soft in Arabic.

When he finds out Sam is Jewish he probably, after much consideration, asks if he can observe their holidays -- after all, researching Jewish holidays only does so much. Sam agrees when he explains why, much to her parents chagrin, and he sometimes tags along. But once he gets an understanding of how they go, he starts doing it on his own. Somewhat. He celebrates with Sam for most of it, and then has some time to himself where he celebrates it on his own. So it's a little bit of both.

^^^ which brings me to thinking about my danyal snippet here where Sam is at a Wayne gala and tears into her parents over Danny in front of Bruce. And it's making me think of, with this idea in mind, Sam in a moment of emotional impulsivity, saying "I know that he wears a Star of David because his father is Jewish and he wants to be closer to him, because he loves him so very fucking much." And while saying that, briefly makes direct eye contact with Bruce as a way to tell him "I know you're his fucking dad. Look at the son you have left behind."

If only for the emotional gut punch that can leave Bruce with. 🥰

Thank you for the ask! I had a lot of fun responding to it, have a fantastic evening/day/night.

#dp x dc #dpxdc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #danyal al ghul #danyal al ghul au #older brother danny #also courtesy of my good friend the-navistar-carol danyal is very 'paul revere' by noah kahan coded. you should def give it a listen if you #have the time. the lyrics go HARD look: 'but I'm in my car and I see the yard. the patch of grass where we buried the dog and the world- #makes sense behind a chainlink fence. if i could leave i would've already left.' AND 'and when they ask me who i am. i'll say i'm not from #around here.' like absolutely go take a listen if you have the time. #if anyone were to see him while he's talking to the necklace they might see him crying once or twice. but that's not possible. #al ghuls do not cry.

[buckyalpine]

Spicy Brownies

18+ 

High Bucky x reader 

Remember Spicy Plants ? Here’s spicy brownies. Welcome to another crack fic. 

Imagine the first time Bucky tries edibles. He knew they would hit differently than smoking but he didn’t think much would happen so he had another. Then another. He was a super solider so he’d be fine. So he had one more. 

He was fine.

He was totally and completely fine. 

“Y/N!”

“Y/N Y/N Y/N!!”

“Oh my GOD!”

You and Steve sat in the living room, giving each other panicked looks hearing Bucky yelling from your shared bedroom. You both sprinted to the elevator and ran down the hall, bursting through the door, unsure of what was going on. 

“What is it Buck- oh my god” 

“What the hell...” Steve blinked, slowly backing away while you cocked your head to the side, observing a very naked Bucky looking at the mirror. 

“He nakeyyyy” Bucky whispered, staring at himself in the mirror wide eyed, cupping his own cheeks in utter shock. “Y/n, there's a naked man in our room” 

“uh huh” You snorted, carefully walking over to him while he looked back at the mirror again, nearly yelping. 

“HE NAKEY” This time he grabbed your face instead, staring into your soul, hoping you understood the utter severity of the situation. 

“Yes bub, it would appear so” You tried to bite back a laugh while he looked around the room, dragging you towards the door. 

“Hide” He tugged your wrist, ready to run out of the room. 

“Jesus Buck” Steve ran a hand over his face, before grabbing him so he wouldn’t end up sauntering around the living room in his birthday suit. “Oh fuck” Steve shoved Bucky back into the room when he heard the elevator ding, but it had already opened before he could wrestle his friend back into some shorts. 

“What’s going on” Tony came through the elevator doors with Sam and Peter in tow, worried about the commotion they’d heard from down in the lab. “We heard screaming-OH” The three of them paused, seeing Bucky staring back at them with a dazed look on his face. 

“Good God” Steve managed to drag Bucky inside while he shrieked.

“HE’S GONNA EAT ME” Bucky clung onto the edge of the doorway, while you were in tears in the corridor, absolutely no help at all while Steve managed to stick Bucky back into his briefs. 

“Can one of you explain why terminator has his gun and bullets out?” Tony had an amused look on his face while you wheezed, hearing further commotion from inside your room. 

“Bucky put down the soap”

“STEVE THERE’S RAINBOWS IN THE BUBBLES LOOK”

“Bucky put down y/n’s blanket”

“But it smells soooo gooooood”

“Bucky, put down y/n’s bag”

“OH MORE SPICY BROWNIES!”

“BUCKY NO”

“BUCKY YES”

“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES”

“I think he had the brownies I got from the market. One of those brownies. Looks like he had more than one” 

Bucky wasn’t willing to wear anything else other than his briefs, his body running warmer than usual and the effects of his spicy snack lasting longer than anticipated. You sat with him in the living room, unable to take your eyes off your adorable goofball of a boyfriend. 

Bucky narrowed his eyes at the large golden lab Nat had been babysitting, the large dog brushing by his leg as he happily went around for pets. 

“Peter” Bucky grabbed Peter’s face, the hairs on his neck standing up when he felt a paw pat him. “The horse is here” 

Peter nearly choked on his water, watching Bucky pet the pup’s head, not making eye contact with him, while still looking off into the distance. 

“Mr. Barnes, you watch family guy?” 

Buck had already moved on, getting up and making his way over to the kitchen, ripping open a box of pop tarts, stuffing one in his mouth. 

“I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” Bucky hummed to himself, swinging his hips side to side, snickering as he felt his coconuts sway side to side with him. 

“Is he...is he talking about his...” 

“For the love of God, don’t ask” 

Tags: @glxwingrxse  @hungryyeyess  @sebsgirl71479  @beabutterfly987  @teambarnes72  @witchywhore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass  @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan  @buggy14  @whimsyplaty92  @sergntbarnes @inkedaztec   @pono-pura-vida   @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z  @elle14-blog1 @justsebstan @littlelightnings @psychomanniac-blog  @happyt0exist   @emmabarnes  @bethyruth @matchat3a  @cjand10   @getwellsoontana  @cherryschaos   @lokisasgardianvampirequeen  @ashenc-blog  @buckybarnessimpp   @potatothots  @goldylions  @high-functioning-lokipath @morganemorganite-blog  @kingfleury   @peaches1958   @spiderman-stilinski   @peaceinourtime82  @gublur   @wintersmelodie @geeky-politics-46   @lolawassad  @almosttoopizza   @a-poor-gryffindork @alternativeprincess   @buckycallsmeaslut    @kamaria-sweet-writes  @charmedbysarge    @xnorthstar3x  @kryoee7 @alina02  @gh0stgurl​    @polishprincess999 @jessybarnes @alltheficsiwant @chemtrails-club  @eralen   @perdidosbucky-yyo  @clqrosmgc

#high bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x f!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes high #bucky fluff #james bucky barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #marvel fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fan fic #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfic #bucky fan fiction #bucky fan fic #bucky fan fics #iron man #tony stark

[wellofdean]

OK, I was going to reblog this excellent post by @luckshiptoshore so go read it, because yes. Yes!! YES!!! But then when I got started my post got super long and I felt bad tacking it onto her post and decided to make my own in response to these tags:

#i am actually a bit obsessed by the whole hunting as queerness metaphor#it’s so clearly something everyone involved in the show is thinking about#supernatural

Gurl, me too! Like go back to the start! By the time Supernatural began, the backlash against the Joseph Campbell Monomyth-style mode of storytelling had already begun in the hallowed halls of USC film school, and yo: I was there at the time of Kripke's graduation, and my best friends from college are full scale big giant time filmmakers now, whose names I will not share on main because it's uncool, and I don't want that attention, but... yeah. I am referencing FIRST HAND SOURCES on this.

But, for a real source? The Oxford English Dictionary places the first use of the term "Queer Theory" in 1990, with Queer Studies as an option in the academy by 1992. I know the kids think it's a new-fangled thing, but Kripke graduated USC in 1996 (I graduated in 1995) and it was ALL THE RAGE by then. My friends read queer theory in their Critical Studies courses in the Film School, I read it in the College of Humanities getting my degree in Literature. By that time, you could not get through that school with any degree in any non-STEM subject without knowing about ye olde postmodern lenses, queer and feminist theory, and without knowing how to employ those lenses.

Queer refers to sexuality, yes, but the word's earliest use (again, according to the OED) is in the 1500's, meaning: strange, odd, peculiar, eccentric. Also: of questionable character; suspicious, dubious.

So, ok, in 2005, Enter Supernatural, episode 1:

Presented? Two brothers. One actively seeking credit in the straight world that is not available to him in the bosom of his family: Stanford, law school, hot co-ed girlfriend, the other bound to his fractured, wounded family by duty, yes, but also by love, living on the fringe, alone, fighting monsters, and chasing after his father's approval, and who has long since given up any dream of being 'normal'. Episode 1 presents Sam's call to adventure, which he refuses when it's just familial duty, honor and love calling him, but accepts when the show takes a very straightforward and very telling path by classically fridging his woman. Ok, now he's on board. Like John, whose motivation is another dead woman, his motivation is revenge. So far so straight!

Dean though: he's different. He is already on the adventure and he was not 'called' or given the option of accepting or refusing because he had no agency when his feet were set upon this road. He does not fit the straight world at all, because he is cobbled together out of love, duty, deep guilt, striving, desperation and fear. This is who he is now, in some elemental, incontrovertible way. It was not a choice for him, he was born to it. His mother is dead, and we later learn, she made the choices that brought them all to this fate. Dean remembers her idyllically, but he is not motivated by revenge, more than any other thing, he wants to be worthy. He wants his father's approval, his brother's love.

Enter Supernatural's main theme: fucked up relationships between men enmeshed in patriarchy, which will eventually expand to include fucking GOD HIMSELF.

And like, there are SO MANY CLEAR STEPS ALONG THE ROAD in season one, and I am not even talking about sexuality and gender here, but there is SO MUCH TO SAY about it in season 1. But I am not talking about that -- I am talking at a structural, narrative level, the whole thing is just fucking all the way queered, yo.

The big climax?

At the end of the season, Dean says: "I just want my family back together. You, me, Dad... it's all I have." He is Sam's mother, John's partner! His vulnerability and emotion is feminized and contrasted with Sam and John's more overtly driven by their more masculine/straight heroic revenge quest. John: "Sam and I can get pretty obsessed, but you always take care of this family." Only that's not John talking, it's Azazel, and Dean knows it is because his father would never forgive how soft he is, how he will always choose love and family over revenge. Then, in the end, the show makes a huge point of telegraphing that Sam is finally aligning with Dean by refusing to shoot Azazel because he's possessing John, and Sam just can't do that to Dean.

Sam and Dean are thus bound together and cemented into a marginalised path, living on the road, haunting liminal spaces and cheap motels, confronting the monstrous everyday. Sam is presented as the brains of the operation, he does research, logics his way through things (masculine) while Dean is the heart who acts impulsively and on instinct and intuition (feminine).

It later transpires that Sam has a piece of the monster inside himself, and Dean has to learn to love the monstrous, he has no choice, because Sam is his brother and then Cas... and, and, and!

Like... I could go on and on, citing ENDLESS EXAMPLES. This could be a literal book. Maybe one you need to read with a magnifying glass like my condensed edition of the OED. LIke, the queerness of Supernatural is DIZZYING and MYRIAD.

But basically? FROM THE START, hunting is a queered version of family, and within that, Dean is a queered version of a Campbellian hero. Hunting is a metaphor for otherness and liminality, and that's even before you say a WORD about sex. It starts in deviation from the norms of family, masculinity and expands from there on so many levels both in story and on a meta level. The story is flesh on queer fucking bones.

I'm so sorry, but anyone who thinks queerness was not BAKED INTO Supernatural and more specifically into Dean from DAY 1 has clearly never seen Dean's insane lip gloss in season 1, and vastly underestimates the cultural awareness of people who write shit in Hollywood, and also the other people who put pink lip gloss on pretty boys in Hollywood. Nothing that gets on your screen wasn't a fucking choice made and approved by a LONG LIST of people who know what they are about.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #the queerness is baked in from the word go #like...OBVIOUSLY #and transparently

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Dangers of Hope Ch. 3

Series Summary: When Y/N shows up at Camp Chitaqua with her little girl in tow, her bloodshot eyes leave no doubt that she's infected. Or is she? Everything Dean has come to know for certain over the last five hellish years, is about to be challenged.

Pairings/Characters in the series: Endverse!Dean x Reader, Emma (OFC), Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Michael, Zachariah, Risa, Johnston (OMC), Patrick (OMC), Theresa (OFC), other survivors and soldiers.

Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence, some gore, angst, smut, fluff all the usual for a series of mine. ❤️ Endverse!Dean (that's a warning for his anger and callousness as well as his extreme hotness. 😁) Each chapter will have their own specific warnings.

Chapter Warnings: None really. Angst. Dean being a bit of an asshole. A brief, near sexual encounter. Smidge of fluff.

Word Count: 3,654

A/N: So, I've had this idea for quite a while. Basically since I watched The Last of Us. I loved Pedro in the role of Joel, but I kept thinking how incredible Jensen would have been. Which then made me think of how amazing he was as Endverse!Dean which then led me to this idea. Lol! I've stolen the premise of Ellie's storyline from TLOU, but made her a grown up, a reader insert, and a love interest for Dean.

If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊

I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️

A/N 2: So, here I am with chapter 3. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for all the very kind comments that this series has received so far. You're all fabulous.

Series Master List || Tag Lists

The dividers below were created by @saradika

The next morning Dean was sitting at the table in his tent, listening to the camp waking up around him, when his tent flap opened and Cas strolled in. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Jesus, we gotta put up a piece of wood on the tent poles or something so people can knock.” He said in a surly and growly, early morning voice. When Cas didn’t respond, he challenged him with an even surlier tone. “What? Why are you here?”

Cas walked further into the tent. “I saw you gave Y/N back her daughter.” Dean raised his hand and then dropped it, conceding the point. “And,” Cas continued, raising his hand in the air and waving it slightly, “no more manacles.”

Dean spread his arms wide. “These are all things I already know, Cas; why are you telling me this?”

Cas shrugged slightly. “So, can I assume this means you no longer think she’s going to turn into a monster at any minute?”

Dean blew out a puff of air. “It means, she’s been here a week, and hasn’t turned yet. And since that isn’t really something that happens to people who get bit, I think I can be reasonably certain she won’t turn, randomly, out of the blue one day. And I gave her back her kid so she can look after her, and I can get Risa back as a soldier instead of a nanny.”

Cas wore a very enthusiastic expression as he moved closer. “Come on, even you have to admit that this is exciting.”

Dean arched a brow. “Exciting?”

Cas’ voice became awestruck. “Dean, this is the most hopeful sign we’ve had in…years!”

“Aw, don’t come at me with that hopeful bullshit!” Dean’s scowl and fierce countenance was immediate and slightly intimidating, even to the angel. 

“Hope is nothing but a fucking lie, okay? We know it. We HOPED we could stop Lilith breaking seals and we didn’t, we HOPED we could stop the apocalypse, but we failed at that too. We HOPED we could save everyone, and well, we’re doing a pretty piss poor job of that, aren’t we? Every single time we go out on a raid, I hope we come back with the same number of people we left with, but it doesn’t happen very often, does it? We hoped -” 

Dean cut himself short and swallowed hard, lowering his voice. “We hoped that Sam would be strong enough to say no, but…he wasn’t. I hoped I could save him. And-” He cut himself off again and rubbed a hand hard across his face. 

“So just don’t come at me with ‘hopeful’.” Dean said, sneering the word.

He tapped his fingers against his chest. “Cause I gotta live in the reality of this situation. And look, if you wanna hide away from that reality, you wanna get blitzed and bombed every day, and pretend like you’re some kind of sexual guru, fuck around with dozens of girls, I don’t really give a shit. Okay? Do it. But I,” he banged his chest with his whole fist this time, “I have to live in the reality of our lives.”

Dean stood up and stepped closer to Cas, swinging his arm out sideways. “And the reality is I have no fucking clue why that woman hasn’t turned.” He shrugged dismissively. “Maybe the person who bit her wasn’t fully turned themselves, or maybe they didn’t fully break the skin so it didn’t take completely. Who knows. All I know is that she’s probably not gonna turn and so now we’ve got one more mouth to feed. Two, actually.” He said holding up two fingers. “And two more people draining our resources.”

He stepped back and turned away, giving Cas his profile. “That’s the reality. So you wanna join me in it, great. If not,” He turned his head to look at him, lifting his hand towards the entrance, “there’s the door. Or, you know, the tent flap.”

He dropped down onto the chair he’d vacated and rubbed a hand across his lips. He looked up when Cas spoke softly. 

“I don’t wanna live in this reality, Dean. I just can’t anymore. So I choose hope, I choose to be hopeful that maybe she marks a change, maybe things can be different. I’m telling you, this reality isn’t the only option.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s my only option. I learned a long time ago, and you should’ve too - hope is dangerous. Reality can’t hurt you like hope can.”

Cas’ expression was discouraged and disappointed as he nodded, looking away from Dean. He said nothing more as he turned and walked away.

***

A little while after Cas left, Dean moved out to his campfire and cooked and ate his ration of eggs and potatoes. As he drank his coffee, he was actively trying to push the argument with Cas out of his head. He had a camp to lead, he didn't need this crap clouding his judgment.

It was ridiculous to think the woman represented some kind of new hope for mankind. He rolled his eyes at the very notion.

Still, he found himself calling out to Johnston as the soldier walked by. The man stopped abruptly and turned fearful eyes on Dean. It drove Dean a little crazy that after more than two years of Johnston serving the camp, of protecting it and helping to run the day-to-day work and activities there, he still seemed petrified of Dean. 

I can't possibly be that scary, Dean thought with a deep scowl. Not like I've had him flogged for looking at me wrong or something.

Dean rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the fear radiating from the other man.

“You settled Y/N and her daughter?” He asked.

Johnston's blue eyes were slightly bulging and his prominent Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

Dean waited a minute for him to elaborate before prodding him gruffly. “And?”

The other man seemed at a loss and Dean snapped his fingers impatiently. “And where did you put them?”

Understanding finally lit in Johnston's eyes and he began nodding. “Oh, yes sir. I put them in the southwest corner. Fourth row, the tent on the end.” He seemed proud to get that much out. But then he raised a finger. “Oh, the tent is red.”

Dean nodded and waved at him. “As you were.” 

Johnston saluted (even though Dean had told him a million times not to) and hurried on. Dean sighed deeply and without thinking about it too much, he headed in the direction of the red tent. 

When he got there he shouted out a hello, feeling slightly foolish and vowing then and there to make it a project to put some kind of wood near tents’ openings so people could knock.

The flap opened and Y/N's face lit up with a beaming smile when she saw him. “Hi!” 

Not knowing what to do with her enthusiasm, he just nodded. There was a slightly awkward moment and then Emma, her big blue eyes staring up at Dean, poked her head out from behind her mom, keeping her arms tightly wrapped around her hips and leaning her head into her side.

Y/N lifted her arm a little so Emma could shuffle out from behind her a bit more. She combed down Emma's slightly flyaway curls with her fingers and then settled her hand on the little girl's thin shoulders.

She gestured to Dean. “Say hi to Mr. Winchester.”

The little one just pressed closer and looked away from Dean to bury her face in her mother's side.

Y/N gave him a slightly chagrined look. “She isn't usually this shy.” She said by way of apology. 

But Dean simply shook his head. Unlike Johnston, he understood all too well why this blue-eyed moppet was scared of him. She'd watched him nearly end her mother's life - not something she was ever likely to forget.

Dean hated that that realization came with a trace of guilt. Feeling very annoyed with himself, he straightened up and nodded curtly.

“Good.” He said succinctly, responding to nothing. “I just wanted to make sure you were settled properly.”

He turned in an abrupt about face and started walking away. 

“Dean, wait!” Y/N called out to him. He turned back to see her wave Emma back into the tent and head towards him. When she reached him she wore her bright smile again, and he frowned deeper as a result.

“I wanted to ask you about something.”

Dean said nothing, waiting for her to continue. She seemed to be a little nervous, fiddling with her hair. She finally clasped her hands in front of her and continued. 

“So, I was talking to Eric?” She said as though it was a question. Dean did give her a puzzled look.

“Eric?” He asked.

Y/N had opened her mouth to continue talking, but then closed it and gave her head a shake, pointing to the side at nothing in particular. 

“Eric Johnston? The…soldier that brought us to this tent and helped us set it up.”

Dean nodded in recognition. Yes, he remembered now, that was his first name. He never used it. “Right.” He waved her on. 

“And I was asking about school for Emma, but he said there isn't one.”

Dean shook his head. “No, the parents, guardians, they look after that themselves.”

Y/N nodded. “Yes, but I was thinking…well, I was a third grade teacher in the…before.” She thumbed behind her as though their former, normal lives were just right behind them, around the corner, instead of existing eons ago.

She shrugged. “So, I was thinking that maybe I could start a kind of school for the kids here. Eric figured there were about 35 or 40 of them. So I thought we could hold lessons somewhere outside most days, but if the weather's bad, maybe we could use the main cabin.”

Dean was scowling harder now, so she rushed on. “It would only be for a few hours a day. Wouldn't be anything spectacular, but it could help them with reading and math, and just some basics. Keep the kids' minds occupied and give their parents a couple of hours on their own.”

She shrugged. “It's nothing much, but it might help people feel a little more hopeful about the future.” She finished with another bright smile.

Dean felt his ire rise with that word again - hopeful. This woman was going to upset everything, tip the precarious balance of the camp on its head. 

He shook his head angrily. “We don't do shit like that. This isn't a fucking gated community, okay? These are survivors who get by together. That's it.”

Y/N's eyes were so earnest it almost hurt to look at her. “But, don't you see, it could be a community. Not gated, but open. We could do more for each other than just survive.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Look, if you're unhappy with being here, we can happily help you on your way.”

Y/N raised her hands. “No, of course not, that's not what-”

Dean cut her off with a cold, hard voice. “And you can't teach kids like this.” He waved a hand towards the red rings encircling her irises. “You'd scare the shit outta them. Take one look at you and freak out, thinking you're gonna turn into a monster any minute.”

That pulled Y/N up short and Dean could see by her slight flinch that his words had hit home. She was quiet a minute and her smile was dimmed as she nodded.

“Right. That's…no, you're right.” She gave an imitation of a chuckle. “There aren't many mirrors around, so I…sometimes I forget about…” she gestured to her eyes.

She shook her head. “I was just trying to find a way to be helpful, you know.” She shrugged. “But yeah…” She trailed off and Dean felt a sick gnawing sensation in his stomach as she gave a final dull smile. 

“Okay, well thanks.” She said as she turned away. Though what she could have possibly been thanking him for, he had no idea.

He thought about Cas’ disappointed expression, and Y/N's bent smile and he gritted his teeth. This morning was not going well for him.

The day didn’t get much better from there. He spent most of it planning their next raid for canned goods. They were running low, and it was September already. Over the next couple of months they’d have to make sure they had whatever they needed for the winter. Once the snow hit, the winter roads were sometimes impassable for weeks at a time. 

They were having to go further and further out from the camp to find supplies. The area was becoming picked clean. There were four or five other, smaller, groups of survivors within about a hundred square miles of their camp. For the most part they all rubbed along together alright, pretty much just leaving a big buffer of space between the camps, and leaving each other alone.

However, Dean was starting to worry about what would happen now that resources and supplies around them were starting to run out. In this last year, they’d started having to drive hours and hours away from camp to find un-ransacked grocery stores and restaurants in the abandoned cities. They could manage it because of their size, but some of the smaller groups had very few working vehicles, making it harder for them to travel. Dean worried what would happen when they got desperate. 

He wanted to be ready for winter.

So, he tried to spend the day planning the best route to hit as many cities as they could without hitting too many known Croat hives, or cleaned out cities. But he kept getting interrupted by his soldiers. The concerns of the camp were unending, and sometimes felt completely overwhelming. 

The morning kept being interrupted by issues and grievances his soldiers brought him from some of the camp inhabitants. He tried to put out as many fires as he could, while continuing to plan the raid.

Then he ended up spending far too much of the afternoon talking about drainage and irrigation with the young guy who used to be an engineering student, and an old farmer who’d spent his whole life in the fields. The two very different men were teaming up to try and see about making bigger winter crop plots this year. They’d grown some winter vegetables last fall and winter, and even that small amount of fresh food had made a big difference in the health of the campers. So this year they were hoping for more. 

Finally the men went off to plan some more and Dean folded up his maps. He hadn’t made much headway into the raid route, but the light was getting low; he’d have to come back to it. He fried up some spam and a few of the cooked, frozen potatoes they’d put up in the spring and sat beside his fire for a while before tossing water on it and going inside his tent. He lit a lantern and started to try and look at the maps again, but he was interrupted by Risa.

Dean lifted his chin towards her by way of greeting. She came forward and dropped a small piece of machinery on his table. “Here’s the piston for that Ford we towed back last week.” She said, referring to the truck they’d found abandoned on the side of the road with no owners in sight. “Should work.”

Dean nodded. “Great.”

Risa lingered a moment and then walked closer to him. “How are you?”

Dean shrugged. “Fine.”

She moved forward to stand between his legs and then reached out to run her hands over his cheeks and down his neck. She bent over and pressed a brief kiss to his lips.

“I miss you.” She said, her voice softer and more intimate than it ever was when they were soldier and commander. “You haven’t been to see me in weeks.”

“Sorry.” Dean said gruffly and then let her kiss him again, kissing her back for a moment before pulling away. 

Not willing to give up, Risa straddled his outstretched thighs and reached for his zipper. “It’s okay, I bet I can find ways to entice you back.” She said, dark brown eyes flashing with heat.

But Dean grabbed her hands and pulled them away. He kissed her briefly to try and ease the sting of his rejection. “Sorry, not tonight.” He nodded towards the maps on his table. “I’ve got shit I gotta finish.”

Risa bit into her lip, looking down at their hands entwined in his lap, and then nodding before she stood up. She lifted her mouth in a smile. “Yeah, sure. ‘Kay.” She nodded again and pointed to the piston as she left. “Let me know if that works.”

Dean sighed as his tent flap fell back into place. And that was the third person he’d disappointed today. Without his permission Y/N’s face floated into his mind. Despite what he’d said to her, he couldn’t deny how beautiful that face actually was. The red pigment in her eyes made no difference to that beauty.

He couldn’t erase the image of her crestfallen expression when he told her she’d scare the kids. That was complete bullshit and he knew it. Five seconds in her shiny presence and the kids would be eating out of her hand.

He growled slightly as he could feel himself caving. But would it really be so bad to let her teach the kids somewhere? They’d have to stay out of the way, and she’d have to keep them all quiet when they were together in a mob. But it might actually free their parents up for more of the endless tasks it took to maintain the camp.

If he let her do it, he’d have to make sure she knew he was only saying yes so that they could have the kids out of the way for a while. This wasn’t some hopeful mission for the future. It was just a practical solution for improving the camp.

He nodded. Yeah, I'll tell her tomorrow. 

But even as he though it, he got up and walked out of his tent, moving towards the southwest corner of the camp. Within a couple minutes he was standing in front of the red tent and again found himself clearing his throat and embarrassingly calling out a hello, like he was the Avon lady.

Y/N poked her head out of the tent and smiled. But she lowered her eyes a little and wouldn’t look directly at him. He wanted to punch himself.

“Hi.” She said softly, and then stepped out of the tent into the cool, late evening breeze. She waved towards the tent. “Emma’s sleeping.”

He nodded. She rubbed her arms and he frowned. “Didn’t they give you a jacket?” Then he noticed she was still wearing the grubby clothes she’d been wearing when she came. “And clean clothes?”

Y/N nodded and even in the dusky twilight Dean could see her blush. “Yes, but I realized…I’m all dirty.” She shrugged. “Nothing but basin baths for weeks. I’d like to get cleaner before I put on the clean clothes. One of your soldiers said there was a place where people went to bathe nearby. But he didn’t have time to take me.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, there’s a river about four miles south of camp. It does the trick. I’ll take you tomorrow.” 

He scowled; he didn’t know where that offer had come from. He could have had one of his soldiers, or any other camper really, take her out to the river. But he didn’t rescind the offer and Y/N nodded happily.

“That would be wonderful.” She said rapturously. 

Dean nodded curtly again. “Yeah. And uh…you can do the school.” Y/N looked directly at him now and her face was surprised, but clearly thrilled. 

“Really?” 

He nodded and scowled. “Yeah, the kids'll get over it." He said with a nod to her red eyes. "But just make sure you all stay out of the way of the work in the camp. And let the parents know we’ll have some work for them during the hours their kids are gone. We can use the extra hands.”

Y/N nodded. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to help out where they can.”

Impulsively it seemed, she threw her arms around him, squeezing his arms tight to his sides as she hugged him. Shock coursed through him and he didn’t know how to move. Thankfully it was a brief hug and she was soon pulling away.

“Thank you so much, Dean. I’m so excited. I think it’s going to make a real difference. Just wait.”

As she bid him goodnight and bounced back into her tent, he shook his head, frowning deeply. 

Fuck, he thought, everything is too different already.

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters: @lyarr24 @lacilou @deans-spinster-witch @globetrotter28 @suckitands33 @akshi8278 @evznackles @jackles010378 @impala67rollingthroughtown @krazykelly @candy-coated-misery0731 @envyaurora95 @spnwoman @deans-baby-momma

Dean Fics Only: @roonthelittlespoon920 @slamminmine @zepskies @deangirl96

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom: @kazsrm67 @slut-for-evans-stan @sexyvixen7 @nancymcl @waywardcheshire

Everything Incl. Fan Edits: @k-slla @leigh70 @eevvvaa @kickingitwithkirk @foxyjwls007 @notinthislife50 @roseblue373 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @avanatural @mrsjenniferwinchester @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

#dean winchester #endverse!dean #endverse!dean x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fic series #spn fan fic #endverse

[ressonancee]

EXCHANGE/LOVE TRANSIT - S01/EP01 (pt i)

♥ SYNOPSIS: Soonyoung is a man on a mission to get his ex back, even if this means enduring watching her going on dates in a reality TV show - ok maybe he didn't think it through when he thought it was a good idea to go on said tv show. Alternatively; Soonyoung love transit episode. 

♥ GENRE: (this is me trying to do) comedy, romance, a little dash of angsty (because they are exes and because it is me writing it I guess);

♥ CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 6925

♥ FEATURING: Wen Junhui as Soonyoung's number one enemy, Xu Minghao, Lee Chan, Boo Seungkwan as a cranky panelist, Seo Changbin as a normal panelist, Girls Day Yura just because I love her, Pi Cheolin as a panelist that nobody knows why he has been cast but he makes it work. 

♥ PLAYLIST: 1. VINTAGE - NIKI, 2. LAS JORDANS - TINI, 3. CALL ME - RENGGA JONES, 4. STILL INTO YOU - PARAMORE, 5. LOVE LIKE THAT - SAM KIM, 6. TENTA ACREDITAR - ANAVITÓRIA, 7. URS - NIKI

♥ THEA’S NOTE: Hello hi hi everyone. I’ve been weirdly obsessed with Love transit/Exchange for quite a while. For those who have never watched it, they put 10 people together in a house - 5 couples, and make them go on a date with different people. The funny thing is that you can’t tell people who your ex is. Also after a long debate with myself, I decided to post this as a multichapetered fic. Anyways welcome to part 1, hope you enjoy it. 

♥ If you want to read the rest of this/ be tagged click here ♥

♥ LOVE TRANSIT MASTERLIST

[INTERVIEW ROOM][CAMERA 1]

“Do you know you have to think about other options too, right?” The producer asks him. The giant camera is way too close to his face and the producer is sitting just under it - in a little stool that looks utterly uncomfortable. Soonyoung wants to face her, but before this question she told him three different times he needs to stare right at the camera. He is sitting so still that he can feel the energy accumulating on his body, making him almost quick in his seat.

“I am not interested in that,” Soonyoung answers - staring at the camera and trying to not blink too much even if the lights of the studio hurt his eyes. 

“But the point of this program is that you are open to dating other people and let her date other people as well,” the producer insisted, and Soonyoung almost laughed. He knows that, for fucking sakes he only got his date because he is a master in rock paper scissor and his ex went on a date with fucking Junhui. He knows the point of everything, he just doesn't really care.

“Like I said, I am not interested in that, my goal with this,” He tries to explain, using his hand to point at everything, the set actually looked way better on camera and it was very flimsy in real life, and everytime he thinks he will break a fake wall. “Is that we get back together,” he grins confidently, “Sorry pd nim but we will get back together before this end.” 

He hears the producer groan, he is pretty sure she shouldn’t be groaning and this won’t go to the final cut. He thinks the audio people will handle it, they probably will put a fade in music or whatever, they are professionals. 

[EX-CHANGE HOUSE][CAMERAS 2,  3, 4]

When the assistant producer says that he can start walking and enter the house, Soonyoung is ready to just run. But he holds himself back, instead of running he just puts down the handle of his suitcase and grips on the strap. Like that, he thinks, it will be faster than strolling around. He starts walking, the weight on his suitcase is heavy on his arms but he is committed to that already, he won’t ask for the assistant guy to re-do his shot, and he won’t change his mind midway either, it is now a matter of pride. Soonyoung is proud - his ex always told him that - he is too proud for his own good. 

He is proud enough to not drop his suitcase when he opens the gate and steps greets him, Soonyoung just groans, because he is proud but not a fool. Ok, maybe he is a fool, again, according to his ex but he likes to think that since they broke up he is a changed man. Eight months is enough time to be reborn into a new man according to Soonyoung experience. He changed his hair, it is way shorter now, and cooler - he likes to think. A few of his friends joked about his short bangs and almost shaved sides but he likes it and he even has a cool slit in his eyebrow. He also changed his clothes, he pays more attention to his clothes now and even his ex would agree with that one - or he hopes so. 

His personality didn’t change that much but Soonyoung likes to think he can see things clearly now - like a fog has come down. He always was good with his goal, he stuck to it, he finished things, he was disciplined and he was focused. But he wasn’t very good with balance. His girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, always talked about how he had those bursts of hyperfocus, she explained back then how he could dance for hours and hours without feeling his body getting exhausted but he couldn’ focus on a single task if he found anything remotely boring. But he is better now, he worked for long months on how he didn’t need to give up in other aspects of his life to succeed professionally. He learned that he doesn’t need to spend twenty hours per day in his dance studio, he learned to trust other people in that aspect. 

Damn too many steps, Soonyoung thinks when he finally arrives at the door. He looks around and presses the numbers on the digital keypad, the same assistant producer guy told him a few numbers - he actually wrote down in his note app, he knows himself that he will forget in no time. But the numbers are fresh enough in his head and the doors open. Soonyoung looks around the hall and he thinks he is the first one. Well. Cool. Soonyoung drops his suitcase in the hall and takes off his shoes, walking around without a slipper on - he can’t really bother to search for one right now. He starts looking around, cameras are scattered around the house greeting him in every room. 

It is fascinating really, to be a part of the tv show, Soonyoung thinks while he gives the camera in the kitchen a little hand wave. He opens the fridge and it actually has a lot of booze, damn, he is not a good drinker. He goes around the kitchen checking for appliances and almost starts the coffee machine without knowing, he was just pressing random buttons. He hopes the producer teams cut this part. After almost burning his hand with hot water he goes to the living room, one of the walls is completely glass and it makes the sun enter the house, the view of the garden is pretty cool, and there is another staircase outside leading to somewhere. The glass is so clean that when Soonyoung touches it just to see his fingertip smudges it. He exhale thought his mouth, fogging the window and draws with his fingertip a doodle - the same shape of his eyes but with a snout, a little tiger Soonyoung thinks proud of himself, when he turns around another camera is facing him and he just show his work while smiling. 

There is another stair leading to the second floor. Weird obsession to have, Soonyoung thinks, staircases. He jumps two steps at a time. He roams around - the rooms seem nice, 3 upstairs and another living room, no television and thank god no cameras in the bathroom. He gets bored after a while, so he goes down to the main floor and sits on the sofa - politely, his hand on his knees. But that too gets boring really quick so he starts kicking his feets around, he did good, Soonyoung thinks to himself, he really chose a good sock today so he is not too worried he is shoeless walking around, his black socks are amazing.

After what seems like three whole hours the door opens again, he hears the sound of the padlock and his heart jumps against his chest, he almost hop on the sofa, the amount of energy he has in his body is enough to make him vibrate like a cellphone receiving a call. He stretches his neck trying to see who it is before the person enters the living room. He sees the shoes before he can actually see the person and for the size of those damn feet Soonyoung knows it is not his ex. A good looking guy enters the room, getting all shy when he sees Soonyoung. 

“Hello,” the good looking guy greets him and his voice is on the lower side, Soonyoung thinks he looks so cool.

“Hello,” Soonyoung began, “I am Kwon Soonyoung,” he offered first, “your name?” he says when the good looking guy just stares at him.

“Ah, right,” the guy sitting across from Soonyoung began, “I am Jun, Wen Junhui actually, but you can call me Jun.”

“Jun,” Soonyoung mutters, it fits his name, the guy is a little weird Soonyoung thinks but it is okay.

“So, what's your favorite color?” Soonyoung asks him because he is not allowed to ask anything else really. No question about Jun’s ex, he can’t know his age either, and they are prohibited to talk about their jobs, so Soonyoung tries to make small talk in any way he can.

They fall into a weird silence after a few questions. “This is awkward,” Junhui admitted after a bit making Soonyoung laugh. 

After a few minutes another guy arrives, Xu Minghao is his name and Soonyoung is pretty sure he is part of a gothic or emo band. A girl arrives after that, she is cute Soonyoung gives her that but he is not really interested. Then another girl and again a pretty girl because of course. When the fourth guy arrives Soonyoung starts to think that maybe you bailed out and the producer team might be looking for an actress to play his ex, who knows. They are in the middle of asking the blond guy his name and his color, everyone introducing themselves to the new guy when he finally hears the door again. His blood is rushing through his body. When you enter the door a ray of sunshine goes through the window and illuminates all around you, almost like a halo. Soonyoung looks behind him to check if any staff is pointing something at you but nothing. 

“Hi,” you greeted looking at everyone, Soonyoung smiled at you, and damn you are even more beautiful how was that possible.

“Wow,” The blond guy says at his side, Lee Chan, he thinks and that alone makes Soonyoung perk up a little bit, “you are shoeless,” the guy added pointing at your feet. 

“Ah,” You breathed, your voice low. Soonyoung knows you are shy and before he could say anything Junhui guy was already up and walking around, “I couldn’t really find a slipper.” 

“Here,” Junhui gives you a pair of slippers - wait - what about him? Soonyoung thinks but apparently he doesn’t deserve Jun’s attention even though he tried his best to be polite and friendly, and before he knows he is pouting, damn.

When everyone falls silent again, Soonyoung thinks it is his time to shine, “Your name?” he asks politely, trying his best to not make clear that he is still heads over heels over you just with a simple question. 

They go around names again but everything is weirdly muffed when Soonyoung focuses on you. Your hair is different now, longer he thinks. You repeat every name, the girls first then Junhui, Chan, Minghao and Soonyoung. He is the last one and he hates every name that falls off your tongue that is not his own. Soonyoung, you mumbled like everyone else's names, and it hits Soonyoung that it has been months since you called his name, and he misses it. 

“Does anyone know how to cook?” Lee Chan asks, and Soonyoung is sure he will be the youngest one, there is something in him that just screams maknae. 

“I-” Jun starts but when all the eyes turn into him he stutters a little bit and gets shy with all the attention, meanwhile Soonyoung just sharpens his gaze towards the guy, “I can fix something up to dinner.”

“I can help,” you declare, lifting up your hand  like you are back in school or something, you are so cute, Soonyoung almost giggles, “I can do the basics so if you need any help,” you say to Jun and then it dawns on Soonyoung and before he knows he is lying through his teeth;

“I can help too,” Soonyoung volunteers, almost raising his hand like a kid in school, “I am a great cook.”  

Everyone looks at him but he can only focus on the way you look at him - you know he is lying, and for a second he thinks everyones knows it too even though they just met, but he will die on this hill, he can pretend he is putting a salad together for all the people who don’t eat meat even though he is pretty sure everyone's eat meat, but he is thoughtful like that.

“Okay, so you three can go to the market and cook dinner,” says one of the girls that Soonyoung can't remember the name, “we can clean the kitchen and also the guys can help us with all the suitcases, and we sort out the rooms after dinner.” 

[CAR AND MARKET][OUTSIDE CAMERA + GOPRO N 3]

“This is weird isn't it?” The Jun guy asks when you finally sit in the backseat, Soonyoung is in front of you and everything does seem incredibly weird.

“What exactly?” You ask and you hear Soonyoung laugh for the first time in a while and you don’t even know what you feel - everything seems weird, the fact that one go pro is right at your face is weird, the fact that you are in the same vehicle as Kwon Soonyoung is weird, the fact that you said yes to this weird ass idea was weird too.

“I mean,” Jun starts again, falling silent when he starts reversing the car to get out of the garage, “everything? I feel like only now everything is real and it is so weird like, what do you I will be living with my ex for a month.”

“Right?” Soonyoung pipes up, “aren’t you guys excited about that?” he asks and before you or Jun can speak up he starts again, “I am super hyped!”

“You are?” Jun asks, astonished, and you can’t blame him. One of the greatest problems in your relationship was the fact that you and Soonyoung worked somehow on different wavelengths. Soonyoung is someone that is difficult to follow, but once you know him you can start figuring out his patterns and way of thinking - he is predictable, he has a routine into his own madness.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Soonyoung says, looking at Jun and turning his whole body to look at you in the backseat, you just shrug because what else can you do really? Tell him that he is insane was not an option, that alone would make it clear that Soonyoung was your ex. 

“I think the fact that this program entails living with your ex for one,” Jun says dead seriously and it is your time to laugh. You thought you would be the last one in terms of thinking this program is a good idea but apparently this Jun guy is beating you to it. 

Soonyoung keeps talking about how excited he is and how fun it will be, he goes on and on about how this is an one in a lifetime type of opportunity and you know that even if he sounds a bit over the top he is being honest, and that he is - even if you and Jun finds extremely weird - very excited for it. But it is Soonyoung so of course you should’ve seen that coming. 

And after just a few minutes you think that even though he cut his hair, Soonyoung didn’t change that much, when you say you are picking up a basket he is already by your side taking it off your hands, “Let me carry this and you focus on the ingredients,” he says like he has some sort of a plan but deep down you know he won’t let you carry all the weight - you always complain about having wrist pain, tendonitis is a bitch, the fact that Soonyoung still remembers make your heart grow, like a air ballon. 

Back then when you were together every time you were at home he would make you drop your phone, computers were also extremely prohibited to use. If your wrist brace were on he would even attempt to feed you - you always hated that and he always threw a fit about it. 

“Jun,” you call the guy walking ahead of you mindlessly, “Do you have something in mind?” 

“Hmmm,” the guy ponders and you almost laugh at his confused face. He is cute. You give him that but you think that giggling at his face would be too much for one of your first interactions. “Not really,” he says scratching the back of his neck and you can feel the smile forming on your face. 

“We should grill meat,” Soonyoung says proudly, bringing you back to reality, “We could buy meat.”

“I actually can make a side dish with fried vegetables,” you try, looking around to see if you can find anything to put together for dinner.

“Oh nice,” Soonyoung pipes up, giving you two thumbs ups. What a dork, but that was Soonyoung and you were used to it, at him acting like you hung the moon in the sky every time you did something that every other adult human could do. You give him a thumbs up back, and when he smiles get even bigger you think you should just run away from this whole thing.

“Then we could also buy some noodles and put everything together,” Jun says “I have a receipt that I think will work together with your veggies.”

“Great, we can cook together while Soonyoung grill the meat,” you say before you start walking by Jun’s side in a vain attempt to run away from Soonyoung.  

Soonyoung acts like a kicked puppy.the whole trip to the market. Always behind you, sometimes you bump into him when you spin around looking for Jun to know if you should grab or not grab a pack of soft tofu or a pack of broccoli.

When you pick up onions or carrots, Soonyoung acts like it is the smartest thing ever, and your heart grows a little bit bigger - another pump of air. You think about how Soonyoung is still very much the same person he always was; caring and kind. Every time he assures you in a low voice like he is telling someone a secret - you can take both - he says to you when you ponder if you should buy a red or white wine, you don’t even know if other people enjoy wine but Soonyoung knows you do, and before you can think twice he grabs one bottle of each and put in the basket. 

You think that this Soonyoung is the Soonyoung that you missed the most. Of course you missed the loud one, the life of the party, the one who among your friends would make his mission to get people tipsy and happy even though he can’t drink for shit. You miss the one that would make people stand up and sing and dance and every single one of your friends would get so shy while his friend would act like getting up in the middle of a bar or restaurant was not insane behavior. But this Soonyoug, the soft spoken Soonyoung - the one who would always give you assurance when you thought one of your articles was bad, the Soonyoung who always listened to you when you thought you should drop one investigation because your editor didn’t thought the piece was relevant enough, the one who when things were thought was serious and calm to listen to your every word and actually pay attention, you missed him the most, and you missed him the longest because that one vanished before you broke up.

“Stop,” you say in the lowest voice possible, bumping into him so he can give you space.

“What?” He asks - doing the exact opposite of your wishes, he drops his head even closer to you in an attempt to hear you. 

“You are making it so clear that you are my ex,” You blurt out shoving Soonyong lightly, “Stop that it is supposed to be a secret.”

“I am not doing anything,” He deflected with a pout on his mouth, and it was kind of cute and you want to beat yourself up. How can you be down so bad for him? You need to get your mind straight to survive. You need at least a 5 meters distance from him. 

“You are, go follow Jun,” you say, “or grab a snack or two, we are probably going to drink something”

“Ok, I can grab snacks,” Soonyoung beams, his smile back on his face, “I am great at snacks.”

“Sure you are.” You added. 

You look at the camera man holding the camera a few meters away and you exhale. 

Could you survive this? Could you survive 30 days of Soonyoung being back in your life? This was a dumb idea, you think while looking at the ice cream fridge, and of course it was a Sonyoung idea. You should’ve said no. 

[EXCHANGE HOUSE][CAMERA 5, 7, 9]

“Why are you guys dressed up as powerpuff girls,” Soonyoung hears his ex speak up before he can ever see the other girls. Sometimes he thinks he has tunnel vision - his focus is on you, there is no space left for anyone else. 

When he settles down the plastic bags on the kitchen counter and almost runs towards the living room, still a little bit weird, to have his ex right there and not be able to openly talk to her. The whole trip to the market was a torture - going to the market was something you always did with him when you were together. Soonyoung couldn’t cook to save his life so whenever you two would spend time together in his place you needed a market trip. 

If Soonyoung tried hard enough you made him creamy garlic chicken pasta, his favorite. Even if you said you were already sick of eating it every week. You also made very good eggs for breakfast. Soonyoung misses those moments the most; the routine of waking up with you, he always waited for you to wake up, sometimes while you made a cup of coffee Soonyoung would run to the nearest baker and buy fresh bread.

“What?” The girl in the green tracksuit says making Soonyoung return to earth. She is setting the table and she looks so offended that he thinks she might drop a plate or two.

“Chan,” His ex called the guy that just arrived in the living room, how are you so good with names? How has Chan's name engraved in your brain already? Soonyoung almost forgot his own name today - not his ex's name though, that one he remembers, “look,” you say pointing at each one, a coy smile on her face, “Buttercup, Blossom and Bubbles.”

“Yeah, I can see it,” Chan says laughing way over too enthusiastically it wasn’t even that funny. 

“Who will be the mojo jojo?” Blossom - of course the girl in red, Soonyoung understands it now, asks. 

“I don't know but that leaves me as princess morbucks and I kind of hate it,” you complain, “yellow is so not my color.” 

Soonyoung wants to say that you look great in yellow. That you look good in everything, that you never once looked bad in your life, but he thinks that that alone would be too much and everyone would know you are his ex, so he doesn’t say anything. He bites his own tongue - he really does and it hurts. 

And if the market trip was bad, making dinner was even worse. Everything seemed awkward, you almost didn’t talk with him or Jun, thank god, but everytime you did Jun would giggle and Soonyoung thought about how that was the worst moment of his life - only second for the day of you breaking up. Jun seemed like a very shy and giggly guy, he was indeed charming, and Soonyoung hated that - he was never really a jealous guy but now here he is, freaking out because you are being nice to someone you just met. 

Soonyoung thinks he is one step closer to losing his mind. Thirty days of this? He is definitely walking out of this house completely crazy. And what is even worse? Soonyoung told you three different times how he brought chicken breast, and not even once you talked about how you make a mean chicken pasta, and he has been craving that for months now. He once tried eating in a restaurant but didn’t hit the same spot.

“Can I ask you guys something?” Bubbles asks in a low voice, a cup of beer and soju in her hands. There is still a little bit of food on Soonyoung’s plate, mind you it is his second plate but he is just extremely hungry, new experiences makes him hungry. But almost everyone is finished, just munching on a few bites of meat that Soonyoung grilled - he is proud that he didn’t really burn half of it. 

“Shoot,” Blossoms beams with a smile. 

“Do you guys,” Bubbles starts, she sips on her drink again and he can’t blame her for relying on liquid courage. “Do you guys still have feelings for your ex or that would be weird?”

“I do,” Soonyoung says and you almost get a whiplash, the way that those words leave his mouth is so confident, so sure of his own feelings that make your head spin, “I don’t think it is weird, I mean it depends how it ended, how long was your relationship, how was your relationship,” he finishes with a shrug. 

“Wouldn’t that make everything even worse?” Jun pipes up, he says not looking at anyone in particular, looking a little lost on his own feelings. Soonyoung thinks that is the booze, maybe Jun is a worse drinker than him, maybe Soonyoung wins this round. Take that Wen Junhui, Soonyoung 1, Wen Junhui 0.

“I agree with him,” you say pointing at Jun. What the fuck? Is it a tie now? 

And you do in fact agree with him. Even since you stepped foot in this house and saw Soonyoung for the first time you wished you were completely over him, but apparently your heart didn’t receive the memo. Because here you were, your heart skipping a beat like a teenager everytime Soonyoung even looked at you. 

“Why?” Bubbles ask you, her eyes are so big and so focused that you stutter a bit. She seems truly curious about your opinions and the way your brain was wired, even though she didn’t really seem curious about Jun. 

“I just,” You stop to think a little, Soonyoung eyes are glued on you, and now you are the one who needs liquid courage but your glass is empty, “I will have to help the other girls date my ex right?” You added while looking for another beer, “that alone would be even worse if I still had feelings for my ex right?”

“I agree,” Chan says, “but i think that will be weird even if you don’t have feelings for your ex too like it is something it is weird to share in any type of situation.”

“I am the only one then?” Soonyoung asks laughing, he eats another bite of Junhui's noodles and your veggies, and drinks a gulp of his coke. He is a terrible drinker and he won’t cry on the first night.

“I don’t think you are,” Minghao starts, “but I think there are different levels to it, I am not completely over my ex either but I don’t think we should get back together so like, 70% over?”

“I am a hundred percent,” Buttercup says and you start laughing because she is so blunt, “no guys seriously,” she fusses around, “my ex is great, but I think before we broke up we already knew we were over?” She babbled again while someone pressed a cold glass on your arm. When you look at Jun giving you another glass full of beer. “Like, we are friends now and we are cool but 100% over.”

“But even if you are totally over it, being in the same house doesn't shake you up?” Blossoms asks, “because I was like that and being here and sharing this space is fucking me up.”

“Not in my case, no,” Buttercup answers, “what about you?” she says asking you

“Me?” You want to say you are over, you want to say you no longer have feelings for you ex, and you want to be cool and collected like the others, but the way Soonyoung eyes tingles when he looks at you makes you feel like you are a lonely balloon, some kid is hold you down by a flimsy thread, shaking when the wind blows; “I have no idea what I feel right now, I am all over the place.” You groan before drinking from the glass Jun handed to you.

“Ok, not over your ex then,” Buttercup says and makes the whole group laugh but Soonyoung giggles is the only one that rings in your ear.

“You are not the only one you can chill,” Minghao says to Soonyoung and Soonyoung laughs again.

“Thanks god,” Soonyoung cackled, “Imagine being the only one here who still has feelings, but I still think you guys are the weird ones.”

And it is your time to laugh. The group keeps going around asking questions, sometimes it fades to an awkward silence and Soonyoung is the one who speaks up about something completely random to make the group laugh. You guys can’t really talk about much, you can’t talk about your age, or your jobs, or your ex and how long you dated.

Your relationship with Soonyoung was not exceptional in any way. When you look back, even in the end, it was not out of this world. It was an extremely common relationship. Soonyoung was a great boyfriend but that wasn’t enough, and like every relationship ended badly, of course it did. How could it not? You know you broke up because of circumstances - back then Soonyoung was traveling every week working on a tour, his work hours were always unusual; a rehearsal starting at eight or a stage check at ten. It didn’t help that you, as well, had an insane routine, especially when it was election time. Sometimes you wish you covered fashion for a magazine and not national and international politics for one of the biggest TV channels of the country. 

In the end, you and Soonyoung ended your relationship because you were too similar. Your commitment to work before anything else matched his work ethics. 

You didn’t break up with Soonyoung because he was an asshole, you think that in this situation dealing with a horrible ex boyfriend would be easier; there would be no desire to try again, there would be no heart skipping a beat when Soonyoung says he still feel something for you. 

When you look back at your relationship with Soonyoung you think about how it ended before you broke up, before you two come to terms that it wouldn’t work. It ended when you two were so caught up in your life you couldn’t make space for one another, and that, that alone breaks your heart. You didn’t break up because you fell out of love, you broke up because you were no longer a couple, you two no longer able to take care of each other, no longer having the energy to do so. 

And that - to you sounds even worse. 

“Should we share the rooms?” Minghao’s voice brings you back to reality.

“Rock, paper, scissors and the winner choose first?” Blossom questions.

“Sure.”

[EXCHANGE HOUSE][CAMERA 4, 8]

The second night in the house is somewhat the same as the first one. 

Soonyoung doesn’t cook and neither do you, so you guys spend the night just talking with the other people around the table drinking. You sing a little bit, completely out of tune and your rhythm is so bad that it makes everyone laugh. and god, Soonyoung misses you so much he can feel like a physical pain - an ache in his bones, making him feel heavier than he should. 

Soonyoung is laughing when he hears the doorbell rings, and everyone is startled by it. 

See, the thing is - Soonyoung is not a religious man. He prayed once in a while but as he wasn’t a daily customer he thinks God was very much caught up in other people's problems, those who were more of an habitual client than Soonyoung who prays once in every six months when something goes terribly wrong in his life. But when Minghao lays all the little pics on the table after reading the cue card about the guys choosing the dates Soonyoung knows he is in for a win. If poker was that easy he would be rich.  

He knows very well that the wall with a duck neon sign is your favorite coffee, the place that you two used to go to almost every day. 

“How do we do this?” Soonyoung asks, all the guys look a little fascinated by the pictures while the girls look like they are about to have a heart attack. 

“Do you already have your pick in mind?” Lee Chan questions him astonished. 

“Of course,” Soonyoung says proudly, all eyes are on him, and before he knows he is already bending over the table and sticking his hand out, “Can I just pick or?”

“Which one?” Minghao asks, eyes fixed on Soonyoung’s hand. And the tension is so high and Soonyoung kind of loves it, it reminds him of those few minutes before entering on a stage, “What if someone else wants your picture?”

“The duck one,” Soonyoung remarked plainly because he doesn’t really see a reason to lie, “It is cute”

“Me too,” Junhui says and Soonyoung can feel the muscle of his neck almost snap, the aftermath of a whiplash. He blinks looking at the guy in the eyes and at that moment he wants to kill Junhui, he really wants to - kill his own fucking roomate in a tv show, “Let’s do rock paper scissors”

“I said first though” Soonyoung complained and it is childish but he doesn’t really care. If it is to get his way he will probably be even more childish.

“Yeah but you could pick that one if nobody wanted it,” Junhui nagged, almost matching Soonyoung in the childish level. And Soonyoung hates it, most people didn’t tried to go down on Soonyoung’s level. He is not used to someone going so low.

“Can you guys just do rock paper scissors already? It is stressing me out,” Buttercup says by your side, she is already running her nails. 

“Ok, let’s go,” Soonyoung says calling Junhui onto the battlefield, he is already warming up his wrist, this is a war and he will bring up his heaviest gunnery. 

And Soonyoung isn’t the number one believer, and he doubts God or Jesus or even an angel will listen to him, but yet, he prays for a second or two. And when people say three Soonyoung thinks he hears the angel’s voice singing hallelujah when he sees that Jun threw scissors against his rock.

Soonyoung wins, and he almost screams. Getting up and lifting his hand like it is a gift to beat Junhui on rock papers and scissors, he is almost vibrating - happiness filling his whole body. He looks at his own hand, the neon duck pic between his fingers, his most prized possession. 

“Are you that happy?” You ask him, “that’s kinda suspicious Soonyoung.”

“Yeah,” he says, finally back in reality and sitting down after picking up the picture with the little neon duck in it, “the duck is cute there is nothing suspicious.”

“Wow,” Bubbles says laughing, “he totally chose his ex.” 

“He did, didn't he?” Minghao pipes up, “thank god it will be in secret.”

[INTERVIEW ROOM][CAMERA 1]

“Why did you choose the picture with the duck?” Is the first thing the producers after the girl with the slate get off the frame. 

Soonyoung feels more at ease now. He knows how it works - stare at the camera, answer the question with more than a yes or no, and let the people doing the heavy lifting in the editing room. Even though the producer is staring at him with a scowl he is somewhat used to it too, she is always like that. Even back in the interviews prior to the house, she always looked like a step away from a mental breakdown. 

At some point Soonyoung just accepted that being angry and stressed may be part of her nature, some people are worriers, and he is sure that 80% of the time she is not really angry with him, so he just live his life diligently shooting her program without caring too much about it.  

“Oh,” Soonyoung giggles at her bluntness, he really thinks it is funny enough to clap his hand and all that, “I knew it was my ex picture,” he says in a voice full of pride, “thank God I was super lucky, Junhui was like I want that too but-” he lifts his hand, “I really think I was blessed.” 

“But why?” The producer tries again, she crosses her legs and writes something in her notebook, “We know you choose because she is your ex and you knew that it was her picture, but why”

“Ah, I think,” Soonyoung takes a pause to think about it - he really didn’t even think about why, it just felt right. “It is the first date right? So I guess it's just me trying to shoot my shot earlier on and making things clear.” 

“Cut,” The producer says louder, “They are gonna be the first couple,” She says to her assistant, “there is no way we can go around without making it clear they are a couple, the editor rooms are not doing magic or miracles yet.” 

#kwon soonyoung fic #kwon soonyoung fanfic #hoshi fic #hoshi fanfic #seventeen fanfic #t: seventeen #t: kwon soonyoung #t: writing #t: exchange series #t: exchange s01ep01

[apocalypseornaw]

Nothing I Would Change

(We'll pretend this is Dean for the sake of this)

I was tagged in this post by @kayhi808 on @witchygagirl the challenge was "cursed" so I used a Buffy episode storyline

Warnings um just cursing and mentions of blood I believe

"Alex, where did you hear about this place?" You followed her into the door of a costume shop she'd dragged you, Claire, Kaia and Patience to. The only reason Jody had ok'd the trip was due to your presence. "A nurse I work with" she replied looking over her shoulder at you with a smile.

You weren't sure about the idea of a Halloween party. Garth was hosting it but the idea of multiple hunters taking a night off on possibly one of the busiest nights? Kind of rubbed you the wrong way, plus the chance of something going sideways.

You followed the girls around the store half heartedly paying attention to their choices, giving your opinion when asked. Normally you loved taking the girls out for a day but your head wasn't in it. You and Dean weren't exactly fighting but there was something not quite right.

On some level you felt like maybe it was the idea that you weren't exactly the picture of femininity. Yeah you could clean up decent if a case called for it but you preferred your flannel and jeans. You knew Dean, he wasn't a guy like that. He did not expect the whole damsel in distress, need a man to save me type of girl but the longest relationship he'd ever had was Lisa and for fucks sake the woman wore satin gowns to sleep in while you wore an old band tshirt.

-----------

"You're being quiet. What's up?" Claire asked once they all had purchases and you were yet to even look. You shrugged "stuck in my own head I guess" Kaia smiled "Want help picking a costume?" You nodded "Sure. You girls know my sizes. Have at it" the four of them went in separate directions so you headed for the dressing rooms to wait.

Claire came back with an outfit that vaguely resembled Xena, Kaia had a dress tucked over her arm while Alex had grabbed a nurse outfit and Patience a cop outfit. You took the bundle with a slight smirk "Jesus did all of you get suggestions from Dean?" A laugh ran through them "Just try them on! We don't need to know about what you and Dean do in the dark" Claire teased so you rolled your eyes at her before heading into the dressing room.

------------

The Xena outfit showed too much, The nurse outfit felt more like a role play outfit and the cop one just felt weird considering your boyfriend had gotten arrested by the feds multiple times in his life. You pulled out the last outfit which was Kaias pick. It was a dress that resembled some of the costumes you'd seen on "Reign" it was gorgeous and when you slipped it on you felt like a princess.

When you opened the door all of the girls started to whistle. "That's the one!" You laughed as they made a big deal out of you "Ok, ok. I'll get it!"

"Sweetheart, we're gonna be late...." Dean trailed off when he walked into the bathroom to see Jody helping you put the final touches on your hair. "Do you like it?" You asked with a nervous smile, smoothing the front of the dress. He nodded slowly, eyes raking across your body "You're absolutely beautiful baby" Jody let out a light laugh "You two are adorable really but Dean's right, you're gonna be late"

Her and Donna had opted to hand out candy to trick or treaters so they were staying home. You shot her a smile then followed Dean out. You weren't one of those couples to do matching costumes and he'd gone with a peaky blinders inspired look and sweet lord the first time you'd seen it you had to pick your jaw up off the floor and Eileen had responded similarly to Sam's getup as well.

------------

Dean opened the passenger side door for you and when you raised an eyebrow he smirked "Cmon let me be a gentleman" you smiled and placed a quick kiss against his lips "Of course" then climbed in.

Once he was in the driver's seat he reached over for your hand. "You look amazing sweetheart" he spoke quietly and while you looked the attention it wasn't doing anything to subdue your worries. You smiled hoping it looked genuine as you replied "Look at yourself Winchester"

The party was going great. A lot of hunters were in attendance including hunters like Garth and the Banes twins that weren't just normal hunters. Dean watched as you danced with Max and couldn't help but smile, the last few weeks you'd seemed distant and it had worried him. What if you'd decided he wasn't what you wanted, what if you'd found someone better? He couldn't face losing you. He'd never felt about anyone the way he felt about you. He loved you in a way he'd never thought possible and hearing your laughter when Max dramatically dipped you made his heart flip.

"Careful Dean, your face may crack if you smile any harder" he heard someone tease and turned to face Makayla, one of your friends. He laughed lightly "Can't help it. I know I'm a lucky man" she smiled "I'm glad to see her happy. She deserves the best" Dean nodded, never taking his eyes off you "Yeah she does"

The British men of letters hadn't been active in a long time, not since the seige of hunters versus them. No one could have predicted them attacking at a Halloween party of all things.

----------

The chaos littered around the field the party had been set up in was insane even compared to shit Dean had seen. Monsters crawled in from every corner and fights were everywhere.

Garth and Bess were both teeth and claws tearing through beasts while the Banes were throwing spells left and right. Dean hadn't been worried considering you could handle yourself pretty well but when he noticed a handful of people taking on the characteristics of their costumes the mystery costume shop you and the girls had gone to popped into his head.

--------------

Dean's face was slick with blood, none of it was his. He'd fought his way through a trio of Loup-Garous to get to you. He'd heard your scream and when he found you you'd been pinned against a tree by a vampire about to sink his teeth into your neck.

He'd never moved as fast as he did slicing the vamp's head from his shoulders. Your eyes locked with his half a second before you fainted.

Your head felt like a mixture of the first time you'd drank moonshine, mixed with your first concussion mixed with the migraine you'd had after lucifer had snapped your neck and Cas brought you back.

You opened your eyes slowly and realized you were in one of Garths guest cabins. You tried to sit up but the world shifted causing you to have no choice but to fall back against the pillows with a groan. What the hell had happened?

You looked down to see you were wearing one of Dean's shirts and a pair of his boxers instead of the dress you'd been in. The last thing you remembered was talking to Makayla.

"Dean" you called out, grimacing at how rough your voice sounded. You heard footsteps a second before the door opened to reveal Dean. He was still wearing his peaky blinders look but was coated in blood. That alone made you push through your dizziness to sit up "What happened? Are you ok?"

He quickly made it to the bed easing you back against the headboard in a seated position "British men of letters. We officially wiped out that chapter now thanks to some of Rowenas contacts" you nodded slowly "Why don't I remember?" He touched the shirt you wore "The dress? That store was a front. They placed plants in front of quite a few hunters to get as many of us as possible into cursed costumes" he took a shallow breath before you saw his face fall "I almost lost you"

He sat down next to you and pulled you into his arms. You laid your head against his chest "I'm sorry Dean. I just wanted to be soft and feminine for once" you felt him stiffen under you "Is that why you've been distant? You feel like I don't see you as feminine enough?" You wouldn't meet his eyes but nodded.

He gently grasped your arms to push you back where he could grip your chin to make you look at him "I almost lost you to a cursed costume because you think I give a shit about things like if your makeups done? I love you, I love you in my old shirt, I love you when you're filthy after a hunt, I love you when you're dressed up, I love you when you're in sweats. I don't care what thought has went through that beautiful head of yours but there isn't anything about you that I don't love and there's not a damn thing about you I would change ok?"

You nodded, feeling tears spring to your eyes "Did we lose anyone?" He shook his head "No, thankfully we didn't" he pulled you back against his chest so you let him, laying your head down to listen to his heartbeat. "Matching costumes next year?" You asked quietly and felt his chest vibrate with laughter "As long as we go somewhere like target or spirit halloween, only chain stores from here on out"

#supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x female!reader #spn fanfiction #halloween fic

[ofthecaravel]

Heaven In Time

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Bleeding Hearts, Angel Voices

Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Summary: The last supper. Or is it?

Tags: Religious trauma, hella guilt tripping/mentions of religious upbringing, internalized homophobia, sliiiiiight slut shaming, sibling fighting, slight sauciness

Words: 10k

A/N: As promised, here's the playlist, as well as the last chapter of this little series. Thank you all so much for being so sweet about it and I'm so happy you liked it!! Tell me all your thoughts!!! OH also, I'm aware that only Catholic priests really wear clerical collars, but I decided to include it because Josh is dramatic and would think it looks cute. Okay enjoy

~~

“This is it?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. Somewhere along the way you failed to mention that it’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“It’s practically sinking into the lake, Dan.”

Already crabby, Sam really wanted to be able to trash the house looming in front of them. But for all its ghosts and lonely corners, Sam couldn’t write off the fact that his childhood home (and Jake’s new permanent place of residence, apparently) was and had always been a sight to behold. It wasn’t particularly flashy with its modest white paneling having been frayed by weather and stained with mildew, and it certainly wasn’t modern by any means. However, with the silver maples conspiring around it and a lakeside view from the bottom of the hill it rested on, the house with all its flaws and farmhouse style charm was enough to make Danny’s eyes widen. 

“I didn’t know my parents had moved,” Sam noted softly, heart racing as he observed his brothers’ cars in the driveway and wondered where his dad’s station wagon was parked now. 

“I’m sure Jake will fill you in on everything,” Danny assured Sam as he parked next to Jake’s crappy Volvo. He cut the engine and studied Sam’s apprehensive expression out of the corner of his eye, selfishly hoping that Sam would call the whole thing off and they could drive off towards the loving embrace of Danny’s own childhood home just beyond the state border. He knew his parents and sister would absolutely adore Sam, but he wasn’t sure that Sam’s brothers would welcome him as readily.

“Okay,” Sam blurted, smacking his hands against his thighs and letting out a fast exhale. “Quick overview before we go in.”

“Right,” Danny nodded. Honestly, he could use a refresher. It was always a struggle to get Sam to talk about his family like this.

“Josh is the oldest,” Sam started, beginning his list of points by marking them on his fingers. “Technically. He’s older than Jake by, like, I don’t remember, a couple of minutes. Super friendly, loud as fuck, took up my dad’s pastoral duties after he got deep into the televangelist bullshit that I’m sure he’s still doing now. He was a natural, of course, given that there’s nothing he loves more than the sound of his own voice.”

“Harsh.”

“Dude, trust me. You’ll get what I mean. Anyways, you’ve met Jake. Sort of. He’s very…passionate, which you’ve seen. Kind of hot headed, very one track minded. He basically runs the whole ministry from the shadows, even when Dad was still pastor. Josh gives the go ahead, but Jake’s the organizer. He’s busy 24/7 and has been since they were, like, 12.”

“Doesn’t sound very sustainable,” Danny commented. Sam let out a laugh and shook his head.

“It is not,” Sam agreed bitterly. “But he likes barking orders and playing puppet master, so I guess it works for him. And, I mean, school and youth group pretty much taught us that there was no other way for us to live other than doing church shit all day every day, so I can’t say I’m surprised he turned out this way.”

“Pretty relentless, huh?”

“Yup. Especially when your dad’s running aforementioned church and giving you shit for doing anything, I don’t know, childlike? Or for just enjoying stuff?”

“Definitely explains why Jake was such a dick about your cute ‘fit,” Danny said. “Those values trickle down if you let them, I guess. I still don’t think you had to change, by the way.”

“I definitely did,” Sam muttered, looking down at the plain jeans he’d pulled from his suitcase and the thin flannel he’d buttoned over his chest after their backseat tryst. “Josh would’ve lost his shit. No way he’d go full ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m a man of God and that means I get to preach with corporal punishment’ route, but he’d sure as hell think about it if I showed up in those shorts.”

“Baby,” Danny lamented, heart sinking as he watched Sam fiddle with a button while wearing a sullen expression. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Sam insisted, reaching for Danny’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For, you know, closure.”

“Okay,” Danny relented, still hesitant but trusting in Sam to know when enough is enough.

“Okay,” Sam echoed. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.”

Sam pulled Danny in for a quick kiss of courage, bounced once in his seat, let out a nervous sound and then threw open the door and climbed out. Danny chuckled and got out, locking up the truck and watching with adoration as Sam shuffled towards the peeling front steps. 

-

“One second!”

The voice came booming through the rattling front door after Sam had given it a timid knock to the beat of three. Almost instantly, Sam’s nerves flared with electrifying panic and he spun to face Danny.

“Actually,” Sam declared in a rushed, reedy tone. “Fuck this, let’s go.”

“What?”

Before Sam could drag Danny down the stairs and bail harder than anyone has ever bailed before, the door swung open with a melodramatic bang and then there was Josh. Danny could immediately see the startling resemblance between him and Jake, but there was something particularly unique about Josh that immediately set him apart. Danny assessed his tidy curls and the clerical collar nestled snugly at the base of his neck and knew it must be these physical differences, but he stood there puzzling nonetheless. Josh’s face was lit up with a plasticine cheer that seemed to be his resting expression, but at the sight of his deserter younger brother turning to him like a deer in the headlights, his face morphed into uncharacteristic shock. Once again, Danny stood in awkward silence as the useless mediator. This time around he had the good sense to step to the side before the situation devolved.

“Oh,” Josh said simply, his graceful hands rising to cup at the sides of Sam’s face with practiced theatrics. “Oh, praise be to God. Sammy. You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Sam repeated, already faltering under Josh’s fiery gaze. “Hi.”

“I can’t believe it,” Josh breathed, tears glittering in his eyes as he shook his head with wonder. “I just can’t even believe it’s really you. It is, right? Or are you some agent of the Lord sent to test my faith in His protection of you?”

“Pretty sure He’s not worried about your faith, Josh,” Sam muttered, grasping Josh’s wrists and lowering them. “I’ve been protected just fine. It’s me, I swear.”

“Thank God,” Josh blubbered, throwing his arms around Sam and pulling him into a crushing hug. Despite it all, Sam accepted it gratefully, crossing his arms behind Josh’s back and holding him just as hard. This was the reunion he’d been dreading the most, but his shame was temporarily assuaged in the comfort of his brother’s embrace.

Danny kept his silence as they hugged, but eventually Josh caught his eye and appeared to register that there was someone on the porch other than Sam for the first time.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude,” Josh began after he let Sam go, wiping a tear with the heel of his palm and presenting his other hand to Danny. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Danny,” Danny introduced himself, giving Josh a firm handshake and smiling nervously. Even though so few words had been exchanged, Danny had to admit that it was enough to feel that Josh’s presence could quickly become overwhelming.

“Daniel,” Josh grinned, pleased. “I assure you our home tonight will be no den of lions.”

“Of course,” Danny smiled, completely disbelieving of Josh’s sentiment. “Pretty sure that was revealed to me in one of my many visions. …That is what Daniel did in the Bible, right?”

Josh’s laugh erupted out of his chest and he clapped Danny on the arm with an approving grip. Sam shared a look of surprised amusement with Danny, whose shoulders flickered with a shrug as Josh came down from his laughing fit.

“Good man,” Josh wheezed. “Ah, that’s funny. Am I right in assuming you’re Sammy’s companion in the travels I’m sure he’s had? The travels I simply cannot wait to hear about?”

“Correct.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Josh beamed, flashing his wide smile back on Sam. “I knew this would happen, you know. That He’d send you a guardian angel to watch over you. I prayed for it.”

“I’m truly blessed,” Sam agreed, giving Danny a private, bashful smile while Josh became temporarily distracted by propping open the door.

“That you are,” Josh professed, gesturing into the house as he crossed the threshold again. “All of us are, really. Now I don’t want to keep you waiting on this drafty old porch, please, come in, come in.”

Josh went in first, flying ahead of Danny and Sam as the door closed behind them and the house swallowed them whole. 

“Here we go,” Sam whispered, nearly inaudible. Josh guided them, humming and singing under his breath as he reached to graze his fingers against the walls of the hallway lined with crosses of all sizes and finish.

“It’s going good so far,” Danny whispered back. “He likes me.”

“Wait ‘til he finds out what kind of guardian angel you are,” Sam murmured. Danny flushed and snaked his arm behind Sam and gave him a pinch on his side, only inches away from the situationally appropriate angel wings messily inked on Sam’s lower back. 

Sam bit back a muffled squeak and smacked Danny in the arm. He was ready to send another flirty whisper his way, but when they emerged in the kitchen, Sam froze up once again at the sight of Jake stationed at the stove. Jake’s hair had been relieved of its outdated ponytail and skirted over his shoulders in messy waves, swaying with motion as he tended to a pan.

“When you said surprise guests, I was certainly not expecting a surprise like this!” Josh cried, shaking Jake by the shoulder. “You drive me nuts.”

“You drive me nuts, it seemed only fair,” Jake smiled. “I’m surprised you saw me come home acting the way I was and didn’t immediately know Sam had something to do with it.”

Sam let out an offended little exhale from his nose and Jake finally regarded him and Danny, renewed tension stretching between them all as he gave them a curt, impersonal nod.

“You really came,” Jake noted plainly, gaze lingering on Sam before turning back to the stovetop, pushing sizzling green tomatoes around the skillet.

“You invited us,” Sam reminded him, cautiously approaching and watching him work. “Enthusiastically, actually. Is this Grandma’s recipe?”

“Yup,” Jake answered flatly, still refusing eye contact as the oil snapped and leaped when he flipped the tomatoes.

“It smells divine,” Danny piped up. Jake gave him a side eye that Danny honored with a nervous, polite smile, but Jake ultimately shut him down with empty air. 

“It’s all divine in this house,” Josh followed up dreamily. 

“Well, hopefully it doesn’t taste like ‘disappointment’,” Jake muttered pettily, bringing up Sam’s words from the gas station. Sam sighed and took a step back from Jake, who filled his space by moving from the pan to open the oven, poking noisily at a covered tray. 

“Come on, Jake,” Sam groaned. “We come in peace. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“And I don’t want this catfish to char,” Jake countered. “Scoot.”

“I’ve scooted, thanks,” Sam frowned, taking another step back. “Why are you acting like we’re showing up uninvited? You literally asked us to come.”

“Hey, what has gotten into you two?” Josh interjected, finally absorbing his twin’s clipped tone. “We should be celebrating. And we have company, so if you could save us all the trouble of picking apart your rude semantics, that would be lovely. I mean, honestly.”

Jake let out a huff and continued working to pull dinner together, plunging the kitchen into icy silence as Sam sneered at the floor to prevent any tears from creeping up on him. Danny wanted nothing more than to hoist him up and carry him out of the house, but he watched helplessly as Josh came over to Sam and gently pulled him out of the room.  

“You two can hash it out later, okay?” Josh whispered, and Sam nodded as they crossed the threshold into the wood paneled dining room. The dining table was set with four crisp placemats, all of them centered in the middle of the table under the flowering hands of the chandelier. It was odd for Sam to see, considering he’d never known the table to be set without a placemat at the head of the table for his father. 

“Sorry,” Sam apologized, falling into old habits. “We ran into Jake at a gas station and it ended…weird. You know he can be kind of-”

“Snippy?” Josh finished for him, pulling out a bundle of cutlery from a drawer. “Righteous? Yes, he can be. Lord knows I know. He’s working on it. Been working on a lot since you left, actually. Some days I swear he out prays me.”

“When did Mom and Dad move?” Sam asked, changing the conversation while robotically accepting and laying down silverware as Josh handed it to him.

“Two months ago,” Josh replied nonchalantly. “Turns out Dad’s broadcast made its way to Nebraska and amassed a following there, so they picked up to be closer to his flock.”

“Nebraska?” Sam exclaimed, nearly dropping the bundle of forks in his hand. He swallowed the revelation with a shiver of relief and an equally strong wave of grief, no doubt felt by the lonely little boy he carried inside him. Sam realized with blank shock that there was a very good chance he would never see his parents again.

“So, what, they just up and left?”

“Yeah…”

“For Nebraska?”

 Danny walked in then, unable to withstand Jake’s angry clanging for another minute.

“What’s in Nebraska?” Danny asked innocently. 

“Our parents,” Josh explained with a weak smile. “I trust Sam’s told you about our Dad’s post preaching venture?”

“A little,” Danny lied. He’d heard plenty about what the Kiszka patriarch had been up to since retiring and passing on the torch of preacher to his oldest son: good ol’ American televangelism, complete with the incensed ramblings and an addiction to being on screen. From what he heard from Sam, this came at the cost of quality time with his family. Sam had assured him the blow was softened significantly considering they’d all been fruitlessly clamoring for his affection for their entire lives and were long accustomed to the scraps they’d been dealt.  

“I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised,” Sam laughed flatly, shooting Josh a knowing look. “Lord knows Dad has the means to afford it.”

“Oh, here we go. I don’t want to hear your conspiracy theories, Sammy,” Josh replied sternly. “I have faith that every drop of his viewer’s donations go right to the Convention.”

“Right,” Sam muttered. “Just like the college fund did.”

Josh stiffened, bright eyes suddenly cast in shadow as he set a glass down on the table. Danny’s eyebrows silently rose in curiosity. He’d never heard mention of college.

“Always the firecracker, Sammy,” Josh said with a brusque laugh, recovering with shocking speed and slipping his cheerful mask back on with ease. Sam rolled his eyes and carried on doling out glasses and napkins, but Danny found Josh’s abrupt mirth disturbing and studied him from where he leaned in the doorway. Danny had felt quite certain in his assessment of Jake when they’d met, but with Josh, he couldn’t quite pin what it was about him that kept Danny’s attention.

-

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, much to the surprise of everyone at the table. There was a bit of a rough start when a chilly direction from Jake had Danny positioned at the seat farthest from Sam, one that also conveniently faced the portrait of Jesus on the wall. But after they’d all sat down, Josh had led them in a tearful round of grace praising Sam’s safe return and then insisted on hearing every single detail of their cross country journey. Knowing that “every single detail” would send both his siblings into cardiac arrest, Sam had regaled them with only the most entertaining stories. Danny felt his heart swelling in his chest watching Sam settle into his natural element, rolling his wrists in the air and grinning like a madman as he detailed engine mishaps and eccentric motel squatters. The biggest surprise of all was Jake slowly warming up as the conversation rolled along, never contributing more than a few words at a time but eventually offering up the smallest of smiles and persistent eye contact as his little brother rambled away.

“I just can’t believe it,” Josh noted brightly at the tail end of one of Sam’s stories. “You’re so bold now, Sams. I remember when you were such a little scaredy cat too scared to get the communion wafers from the back room by yourself. Now you’re out there roughing the wilderness and pushing cows off the road.”

“Trying to push cows off the road,” Daniel corrected with a smile, remembering how hard he’d laughed watching Sam push with all his might against a cow where its herd had blocked the road somewhere in Texas. “Emphasis on trying.”

“I pushed that big one with the brown spot!” Sam argued. “You saw! He went running!”

“He felt bad for you, Sammy.”

Jake let out a snort that set them all off into their own fits of laughter, save for Sam who open mouth scoffed and mouthed threats to Danny across the table. Despite his faint indignation at Danny poking fun at him, Sam felt a great rush at the light hearted mood that had settled over the room. For a split second, he thought of a world where they could eat dinner like this on a regular basis, but he held himself back from indulging in that hope and laid it to rest in a far corner of his mind as quickly as it had risen.

Sam found it to be a wise choice when the laughter died down and Josh, completely unknowingly, killed the mood.

“Is it a hassle to find churches near motels?” Josh asked with sincere interest. “Or is it nice to settle for one day a week when you’re always driving around all willy-nilly?”

Jake let out another snort and Sam and Danny made awkward eye contact across the table.

“They don’t go to church, Josh,” Jake answered for his brother. Josh blinked and Sam bowed his head, suddenly very interested in tearing at the seedy heart of the tomato at the end of his fork.

“I suppose we can be few and far between,” Josh nodded. “I don’t think it’d hurt to peek in on a general Christian service, though. It’d do the job if the Baptist radio stations don’t reach wherever you end up.”

“They don’t want to go to church, Josh,” Jake continued. Sam kicked him under the table and Jake shot him a snotty look, raising his eyebrows haughtily as Josh turned to Sam.

“Is that true?” Josh asked, sounding a little hurt. 

“Did nobody here read the note I left?” Sam mumbled childishly, keeping his eyes down as Josh sputtered and looked between him and Danny. Danny couldn’t muster anything more than an embarrassed cough, also looking down but keeping his eyes firmly glued to Sam.

“I did, about a thousand times,” Josh insisted, shifting his entire chair to face Sam. “But I figured you’d, you know…well, maybe I don’t know.”

“I bet there’s a lot we don’t know,” Jake added, kicking back when Sam kicked him again. 

“What are you, 12? Stop it,” Josh snapped, adding his own kicking leg to the fray. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should’ve seen what he was wearing when I saw him,” Jake said conspiratorially.

“Jake, shut up!” Sam hissed. “You’re so fucking prissy.”

“Woah, language!” Josh scolded, throwing his hands up. “Everybody take a brea-”

“He was practically naked. From where I was, I actually thought he was a girl.”

“Okay, Jake, give it a rest,” Danny snapped, anger finally giving him the courage to speak up.

“I’ll “give it a rest” when you stop necking my brother in broad daylight, how about that, Florida?” Jake snarled, tossing his fork on the table with a furious clatter and crossing his arms. Danny’s mouth clamped shut at the same time Josh’s fell open. Sam let out a strained howl, staring daggers through his brother’s skull as Jake sent them right back.

“God, Jake, you’re so, so,” Sam stammered, insults piling in his mouth. “You’re so fucking jealous!”

Jake didn’t reply, but his eyes fluttered from the sting of Sam’s words. Sam had hit a nerve with sharp precision and they both knew it.

“What on God’s green earth is Jake talking about?” Josh asked, eyes glued to Danny where he wilted in his chair. Danny drew in a breath like he was about to answer, but they all found that the silence he gave instead was just as clear as if he’d spoken. 

“Sam?” Josh asked, a little desperate. For some reason, he didn’t sound as deeply disappointed as Sam had imagined, and certainly not as mad as he’d feared. 

“I hate you,” Sam whispered across the table to Jake, ignoring his other brother searching his face for something he’d missed entirely. “I said I didn’t want to fight.”

“Are we fighting, or am I just saying things that are objectively true?” Jake countered with eerie calm. “You don’t go to church. You dress like a girl. You’re screwing a total stranger. Anything else you’d like to add? Is he paying you, perhaps?”

Sam’s chair scraped loudly as he got to his feet and sent it banging against the wall. He crumpled up his napkin and threw it in Jake’s face before storming out of the dining room, leaving behind another frustrated cry that was cut off by the metallic clang of the front door. Josh turned to Jake with his own expression of genuine anger. 

“Do you want him to leave again?” Josh growled, glaring him down before casting his eyes on Danny. “Daniel, I am so sorry. Please, forgive us.”

Jake’s face grew cloudy and sullen at Josh’s fury, clueing Danny into whose opinion he must value most in this world. He sank further in his chair when Josh breezed past him and followed Sam’s warpath out of the home, leaving Jake and Danny to sit side by side in their private rages after the door had slammed for a second time.

-

They sat there for a very long time. Danny wanted to run to Sam (he was always running to Sam, and he thought maybe he always had been) but knew that Sam needed Josh more than him. As much as he was not enjoying this trend of being left alone with Jake, he sat with the storm cloud beside him and did his best to steal glances and collect information without Jake’s knowledge. When they’d first encountered him, Jake had seemed so eager to fly Sam back home to the nest. He’d seemed almost understanding, or as understanding as someone like him could be, but it’d spun out within seconds. Danny was trying to figure out the exact moment that had turned him into a cold shouldered teenager so desperate to cut Sam down. 

 When slyly sliding his eyes to try and gauge Jake’s expression, Danny startled slightly to find that Jake’s focus had shifted from the wall to him. When he followed the low trajectory of his tired gaze, Danny saw that Jake was staring at…Danny’s scuffed cowboy boots. From the looks of it, he was tracing the stitchings in the brown leather. Lost in a daydream, maybe? Danny considered with a note of private amusement that Jake might be looking at his boots and tucking himself into a fantasy of cowboys and fast horses. Maybe that was something he and Danny both did; escaping into an idealized reality when the one at hand was too much. 

Then, with a jolt, it clicked. The way Jake had grown cruel when Sam had defended his new look and new life, no doubt shattering Jake’s pre established perception of his baby brother. Inviting him to dinner and cooking what Danny knew were some of Sam’s favorite foods, only to spoil it all with appetite stealing jabs. How he had shrank under Josh’s disappointment. How he sat now, staring at Danny’s boots like he wished they were his. 

Like he wished he could run.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” Danny blurted. Jake jerked at the sudden sound and regarded Danny with wide, confused eyes. He blinked once before his face crumpled, perplexed.

“For what?” Jake asked, all bite gone from his voice. He sounded almost friendly. He sounded a little like Sam, actually. Danny used that familiarity to gather his confidence.

“I’m sorry Sam didn’t invite you to go with him. That must’ve really hurt.”

Jake’s expression held its dumbfounded composure but Danny could see the emotion shift from confusion to something akin to being completely crushed. He barely blinked and Danny watched his eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jake hissed, his voice wobbling slightly as his lip curled in feigned disgust. “You two are going to die out there, one way or another.”

“You must be a masochist, then,” Danny accused, continuing to find his nerve. “Because I’m willing to bet that Sam wasn’t too far off when he said you were jealous. I’m really not trying to be rude, I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what? Why I hate your guts?”

“You don’t hate my guts, Jake. And I sure as shit don’t hate yours.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

Ah. There was another puzzle piece clicking in place for Danny.

“That’s another thing I’m sorry about,” Danny said honestly. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like that. It’s just - and this isn’t an excuse, it’s just an explanation- it’s just that I’ve spent the past year trying to get Sam as far away from what he was running from. And, well, you’re a part of all that in one way or another. But I should’ve understood your circumstances the same way I do Sam.”

Jake was quiet for another beat, swallowing and sniffling before letting out a sigh.

“I guess I shouldn’t have shut you down like that either,” Jake admitted. “And I guess I should thank you for keeping him safe and, well, alive. It’s just so weird to see Sam like this. He’s so…”

Jake’s lip trembled in a particularly Sam fashion and his eyes drifted off into space as tears began to roll down his ruddy cheeks.

“He’s so happy,” Jake breathed, in awe. “He was right, he was never happy here. I pushed him too hard. Josh was too wrapped up in his own crises. Our parents never gave him a second glance. And now he’s so free. He got out. You two have done so much and gone so far that it just makes everything at home feel even smaller. I guess I didn’t realize until I saw him again that there was something to ‘get out’ of.”

“It’s okay,” Danny whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on Jake’s arm. “Hey, breathe, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Jake wailed, fully swept up in his hysteria now. “It’s not okay. This is supposed to be a place people flock to, not run from. And, shit, if it was so bad that he had to run, you’d think he’d have the decency to at least tell me and Josh. You’d think he’d ask if...”

Danny thought he’d be more distressed watching Jake completely spin out, but he was actually pretty calm. He supposed this was par for the course in a place like this. Another holy man laid to waste by a betrayal. Another brother struck down by his brother, laying still while the other wandered. In some twisted way, there was something divine here, but not in the way that any of them wanted. Danny suddenly felt even closer to Sam, and he shivered a little with the understanding and satisfaction of it despite the gaunt atmosphere over the entire estate. He kept a steady hand on Jake’s arm when he crossed his arms on the table and buried his face shamefully, the lean crest of his back shivering with an unruly sob. 

“You should go, Jake,” Danny whispered. “I mean, you should leave, too. You can’t be happy here.”

“That’s not an option for me,” Jake laughed, his face still hidden by his periwinkle sleeves. “There’s too much here for me to leave behind.”

“Josh?”

“Josh,” Jake repeated, voice wobbling. “Always gonna be Josh. As much as I’d love to have a week to myself without having to set up a million church activities or food drives or buying a trunkful of candles, I know he can’t handle the responsibility all on his own. It’s just easier if I do it so he can focus on writing sermons and doing confessions.”

“What happened to having faith in each other?”

“He doesn’t want to handle the responsibility on his own,” Jake corrected. “That’s another thing. In all honesty, I always thought if any of us were going to make it out of here, it’d be him.”

“Really?” Danny asked. From what he’d heard, Josh was more than happy with a microphone in his hand and adoring congregants standing at the ready to harmonize with his gospels. 

Jake calmed slightly, resurfacing from his arms to rest his chin and catch his breath. His round face was still flushed with emotion and Danny resisted a very genuine urge to brush his hair back from where it lay lingering on his cheeks, kept there by stray tears. 

“Josh…” Jake trailed off, his gaze finding comfort counting the slats in the blinds. “Josh struggles. I mean, we all do, but he…I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me much. I just know something keeps him convinced that he’s not worthy of being the pastor. Which is ridiculous, in my opinion.”

“Really,” Danny repeated, slightly more somber as he thought back to his first impressions of Josh and the immediate recognition whose source alluded him. It came to him in a wave, then, along with the fond ache of understanding.

“No one is more deserving,” Jake continued. “There’s no one as kind or as devoted as him. I think it’s just the church, well, the Convention, really, that has certain ideas that make him feel…unworthy, maybe. There’s an expectation he thinks he doesn’t live up to.”

“He’s..?” Danny trailed off, testing the waters cautiously in case the conclusion he’d jumped to was entirely wrong. 

“He’s my brother,” Jake said firmly, finally looking Danny head on. “And my best friend. That’s all that matters to me.”

Danny sat back in his chair, a long held breath (of relief?) escaping his chest as his understanding of Jake finally crystallized. He wasn’t really a sharp tongued, verse slinging Bible thumper with a million little hills to die on. Jake was a man who was first and foremost devoted to his family, and he was willing to forego all of his wants for their needs. He was a brother, and he feared for how the world would treat his brothers, both inside and outside his little world. And at the end of it, he’d withstand feeling forgotten if it meant they felt seen. He had never been angry, not really. Just hurt.

“You’re a good brother, Jake,” Danny insisted, flashing Jake a smile. “You and Sam should have a chat before the night is through. And I still believe you should think about leaving. Both you and Josh, actually. There’s a lot of world you’d really like to see. Obviously it’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I do think it’d help.”

“You’re probably right,” Jake agreed. “And thank you. Sorry for, you know, everything.”

“It’s no problem,” Danny said genuinely. “I’m happy to help.”

“You are, aren’t you?” Jake laughed. “I’m surprised you’ve stuck around this long, honestly. Especially since you’re not religious. But I guess if you’ve put up with Sam for a year and not jumped overboard, you must be accustomed to some nonsense.”

“I don’t ‘put up’ with him,” Danny asserted. “It’s a privilege to get to spend so much time with him.”

Jake watched him with an arched, amused eyebrow, finally straightening in his chair to smooth his hair back and settle with his arms crossed. 

“So, what, I’m gonna wind up being your brother, too?”

“I mean…in a way,” Danny laughed, heart racing. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jake answered, shaking his head slightly. “I figured. I mean, after he hit 21 and had no dating prospects or interest in dating at all, I assumed he was gonna forgo it completely. I just guessed he was more interested in his commitment to the church, like Josh.”

“Seems they both had their reasons to stay away from girls,” Danny noted.

“I suppose they did,” Jake said with a light laugh. “And still do. But, wow, Sam really does light up around you. I’ve never seen that with him.”

Danny smiled, blushing with warmth again as he tried to recall Sam’s expression when he was around. He’d always been smiley and wide eyed when looking at Danny, complete with pupils blown wide and overtaking the honey brown of his iris while he mapped Danny’s face. Wasn’t that how he’d been before they met? Apparently not. 

“You’ve got good intentions?” Jake interrogated, nudging Danny’s knee with his own. “You treat him right?”

“I do, I do,” Danny insisted, crossing his own arms and grinning. “I sure try. He’s easy to love.”

“You love him?”

“I…yeah, I do,” Danny affirmed, certain of his answer. “I didn’t even mean to say it like that, but, yeah. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Jake smiled, yet slightly subdued. “Just…be careful, okay? At least as long as you’re in Alabama. Especially in Shady Grove.”

“I know,” Danny said softly, a little more morose. “Sam warned me about that. Another reason he left.”

“Another reason we should go,” Jake replied reluctantly. “Right?”

“Right. Believe me, nowhere is going to be perfect, but I think you’ll like the version of Josh you’ll meet when he can be himself. I’ve loved watching Sam come out of his shell.”

“I wish I could’ve been there for that,” Jake whispered, choking up again. “He’s probably out there right now telling Josh how much he hates me.”

“Don’t say that.”

-

“I fucking hate him.”

“Sam.”

Sam had bolted the second he was out the front door, but Josh had known where to find him. Ever since Sam had been young enough to start throwing the tantrums that had made him so intolerable to their parents, he always fled to the dock at the bottom of the hill. Ever the mediator, Josh had spent his fair share of time on the rotting wood planks listening to Sam vent his frustrations as they plunged sticks and rocks into the murky water, eventually advising him with echoes of affirmations he’d heard from the mouths of older congregants. But they were adults now, and as Josh sat on the dock with Sam curled into his side, he realized with a faint panic that there were no more words to borrow but his own. 

“I do,” Sam insisted, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder as he glared out over the blurred surface of the small lake. “I really do. I’m done with him.”

“No, you’re not,” Josh sighed, throwing an arm around Sam’s shoulder and rubbing his arm. 

“Whatever,” Sam grumbled. “I want to be.”

“You don’t have any kind of hate in your soul, Sam,” Josh told him. “God takes it from you and leaves you even more kind and enduring.”

“Josh, stop,” Sam whispered, sending an embarrassed thorn right into Josh’s side. 

“Stop what?”

“The God stuff. Please. Just, not now, at least.”

“The ‘God stuff’ used to make you feel better.”

“No, it didn’t. I just didn’t say anything.”

They sat without speaking for a minute. Without their voices, the rushing rain sounds of the mayflies and the hush of the surrounding trees filled the void between them. 

“You could’ve said something,” Josh murmured. “Especially if it would’ve stopped you leaving.”

“It wouldn’t have,” Sam answered. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I think I would’ve left no matter what happened.”

“Oh,” Josh said, sounding small. “Did you know that before you left?”

“To some degree.”

“...I would’ve liked to know that, too, Sammy.”

Sam swallowed a guilty lump in his throat and sulked further against his brother. 

“Sorry,” Sam whispered. “It was selfish. It’s just…I was scared if I told you, you’d tell Jake, and then he’d tell Dad, and then you’d all hatch some master plan to keep me here.”

“I suppose that’s not an unfounded fear,” Josh admitted. “Remember when Jake had his little Sunday school girlfriend? I didn’t see him for, like, three days after Dad got wind of it.”

“Exactly. And then you would’ve written up some elaborate, guilt trippy sermon and sat me down in the kitchen and made me talk about my feelings for 2 hours minimum.”

Josh laughed a little, drawing a knee to his chest against a cool breeze that rolled off the lake.

“I’m pretty predictable, huh? Goodness.”

“And that wouldn’t have worked because if I talked about my feelings…”

“What?”

“...”

“What, you wouldn’t want to hear my feelings about the whole thing?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s too late for that now. And that’s not-”

“I haven’t even told you how I felt,” Josh pointed out. 

“I know how you felt,” Sam murmured, tears searing his waterline again. “Maybe it’s you and Jake with your creepy twin telepathy, but I felt you both the whole time, even all the way out in California. It’s horrible. Some days I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I could feel the disappointment two thousand miles away.”

Josh felt tears of his own threatening to spill over hearing that. It had never occurred to him that a lifetime of observing at the sidelines would’ve made Sam so accurately attuned to his family’s emotional patterns.

“Sammy,” Josh exhaled. “It pains me to listen to this. You don’t have to feel so guilty about everything.”

“Neither do you.”

Josh bristled slightly, lifting his cheek from Sam’s hair and looking down at him.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked gently. 

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor.” 

“Well, I love it now.”

Sam pulled away from Josh and crossed his legs under him, staring out over the water before staring Josh in the eye with a look so sincere and cutting that it made Josh lean back slightly.

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know,” Sam said evenly. “It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“What do I have to be upset about?” Josh teased, pushing Sam’s bony shoulder. “I live in this beautiful little town and get to spend my days with its beautiful little people talking about what I love. Plus I just got my baby brother back. I’d be a fool to complain.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Josh, cut it out,” Sam snapped, grief fizzling into frustration. “You sound like Dad at his worst. Why can’t you just drop the act for 2 seconds and admit you hate it here?”

Josh’s eyebrows flew up and he let out a reflexive laugh, anxiety coloring his tone as it fluttered cautiously out of him. Sam looked at him pleadingly, grabbing his brother's hand and gripping it tight.

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor,” Sam repeated firmly. “I know you wanted to go to college. And I…I know you’re gay.”

Josh immediately froze, falling silent as Sam stared into his eyes and what felt like his soul. 

“And that’s great,” Sam continued on, a tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek. “It can feel amazing if you’d just let yourself feel anything. Trust me, I know. You’re not trapped here, dude. You can still go to school and be yourself and be happy. You just have to put yourself first for the first time in your fucking life.” 

Josh, struck dumb, couldn’t do anything but breathe as his heart burned in his chest and pushed up hot tears that blurred his vision of his brother. His brother, who was undressing his façade with effortless impatience that made Josh begin to wonder just how transparent he truly was. Or was it only Sam, who was part of him in so many ways, that could see how blind Josh was? When he spoke in dizzying circles of hell and damnation, were his congregants shaking their heads in pity with the knowledge that all Josh was really doing was scaring himself back into submission?

“If you’re really okay with how your life is turning out, tell me now and we can never talk about it again,” Sam promised. “I swear to God. I will leave it alone.”

Josh hesitated further, pulling his hand from Sam’s and letting out a slow breath. Looking down at the cloudy water swaying underneath them, he wondered how big of an inhale of it would take for him to sink right to the bottom. 

“You’re right,” Josh confessed, his voice as soft and as uncertain as Sam had ever heard him. “I didn’t want any of this. It’s too much pressure. And the more I read the Bible and listen to the sermons from out in Texas and Georgia…the more I lose faith in what I’m supposed to be telling people.”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered, finding respite in Josh’s honesty. “I never really believed we were all born sinners.”

“I still kind of do,” Josh admitted. “But now I’m thinking there’s no amount of trying that’ll change that. I do all of this praying and writing and confession but I’m still…”

“It’s not sin, Josh. How you feel, how we both feel. There’s nothing to be saved from when it comes to that,” Sam insisted with quiet urging. “Seriously.”

“Maybe,” Josh whispered, picking at the skin around his nails as a dark coil of shame slithered in his stomach. “It just isn’t natur-”

“It’s like this,” Sam started, trying to put something into terms that would get through to him. “God is everyone and everything. Maybe that’s something I still agree with. And when you stop dedicating yourself to trying to get him to pay attention to you, you start to see Him or whatever “He” really is everywhere. You realize that you’re honoring Him by honoring yourself and doing what feels right to you. I don’t know if that’s something we’ll get rewarded for in heaven, but the reward of it on Earth is enough for me.”

“‘Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it’,” Josh recited with a nod. “Hebrews.”

“Sure. Yeah, actually, yeah. What I’m trying to say is you should live for yourself, Josh, not God or Dad or anyone. And if you still want God, you’ll find that without even trying.”

“Did you find Him with Danny?” Josh asked quietly. “In Texas?”

Sam blinked in surprise. He’d never thought about it like that, but…

“I guess I did,” Sam breathed, a smile drifting onto his face as he thought fondly of Danny. “At the start, at least. Now it’s all just him, no capital H.”

Everything was Danny to him, in complete honesty. Even though Sam only half believed the whole speech he was giving to Josh, he couldn’t deny the divinity he felt in the presence of his boyfriend. His best friend.

“I want that,” Josh murmured. His throat closed with emotion as he forced the words out, but it felt good to say. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d expressed wanting out loud, and based on the look on Sam’s face, he realized it may have never happened before.

“Go get it,” Sam said fiercely, his grin growing wildly when Josh’s eyes lit up a little at his encouragement. “You wanna come to Florida with us? We can find you a nice, alligator hunting boy.”

“Slow down, slow down,” Josh laughed, holding up his palms in surrender. “One step at a time.”

“Just Florida, then. We’ll ask Danny.”

As if summoned, there grew the sound of hushed voices and the sound of shoes on the wooden steps down to the deck, bodies hidden by the trees and the dark. Eventually they emerged, Jake hopping down from the last step that had been laid too high, bending at the knee from the impact as long legged Danny casually stepped down beside him. Sam and Josh turned to face them, leaning back on their hands and giving little waves. Without any words, they all knew the night’s battle had blown over, and Sam reached for Jake as he sat down between him and Josh. Jake received him with a hug, both of them bent into each other awkwardly as they murmured brief apologies to the other. Josh, unable to stay out of anything ever, leaned into their embrace and struggled to wrap his arms around both of them. Danny laughed as he settled next to Sam, their knees bumping as Sam attempted to wiggle out from the hold Josh had joyfully trapped them in.

“I’m just so grateful,” Josh wailed with phony passion. “I love my family!”

“You’d hug Mom and Dad like this?” Jake asked incredulously.

“...I love my brothers!”

All 4 of them laughed again as Josh finally released them, immediately proceeding to chastise Jake in a low voice as he fiddled with the frizz his hair had accumulated. Sam teetered backwards and landed with his back to Danny’s chest. Danny took advantage of the twins getting distracted and planted a kiss on top of Sam’s hair, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment at the consolation of Sam back in his arms after the whirlwind day they’d had.

“All good?” Danny whispered in Sam’s ear, smiling when Sam nodded and tilted his head to grin up at him.

“You?” Sam asked, humming when Danny mimicked his own nod back to him.

“Jake said we can stay the night in your old bedroom,” Danny informed him, repeating what Jake had said in the conversation on their way out of the house. “But he won’t make us breakfast.”

“Fuckin’ liar, he will,” Sam laughed, reaching a hand up and lovingly stroking Danny’s cheek as he utilized his other hand to smack Jake’s thigh. “What’s this about no breakfast? You want me to burn the place down trying to make toast?”

“I’m just not babying you anymore is all,” Jake announced, smacking Sam right back. “Danny agrees it’ll be good for our relationship.”

“Traitor,” Sam complained, smacking Danny on the cheek and squealing when Danny scoffed and smacked him back. Jake let out a brash cackle and Josh a defeated groan.

“You’re like the Three Stooges,” Josh whined. “Also, coming from you, Sam? That’s a bold accusation.”

“Wow!”

“Look who’s finally growing some balls,” Jake continued to cackle, hooking his elbow around Josh’s neck and pulling him into a side hug. 

“The state of my balls are none of your concern,” Josh muttered, which made Sam and Jake let out identical barks of laughter. The three of them got whipped up into a frenzy of bickering and Danny watched with a grin and a bloom of warmth flowering in his chest at the sight. There was something being healed here, he thought, and he could almost see the misguided little boys they’d once been as they tussled and giggled on the groaning dock.

It was strange to think how differently he had felt just a few hours ago. With Sam in Danny’s life, it seemed like things changing at the drop of a hat was something that Danny was going to grow well accustomed to as long as he was around. After that night, even with Sam squirming out of his grasp to try and push his brothers into the lake, Danny knew with complete certainty that he wanted Sam to stick around forever. It was time he told him that.

-

“How was your shower?”

“Arctic.”

Danny laughed and opened up the wing of the sheets and comforters to welcome in Sam, who came rolling in with his hair still wet. He was clad in linen pajamas from his teenage years that fell slightly too short on his wrists and ankles, while Danny lay under the blankets in only his boxers and socks. Even though Sam’s skin and hair was freezing cold from the shower and dampened his own skin, Danny pulled Sam against him and struggled with the blankets to bundle them together as best as he could. 

“There, now we’re a proper burrito,” Danny smiled, kissing the tip of Sam’s nose.

“I’ve never had a burrito,” Sam whispered in a hushed, secretive voice. Danny gasped.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not!”

“Well, that's okay, we'll remedy that. Plus, they’re not half as good as this,” Danny mumbled, using his grip on Sam’s back to pull him further into his bare chest and tuck Sam’s head into the crook of his neck. “Was the water really that cold?”

“Sub-zero,” Sam promised with a shiver. “Those assholes hogged all the hot water, I bet. Typical.” 

“I’ll warm you up plenty,” Danny purred, sliding his hand up Sam’s shirt and tracing his fingers along his cool skin with featherlight touch. Sam shivered again and giggled, nuzzling deeper into Danny’s neck.

“Not in my childhood bed you won’t, pervert,” Sam murmured against Danny’s skin, which seemed to be radiating great waves of heat like he were a human furnace. 

Said childhood bed had been a source of poorly hidden smiles from Danny, who finally admitted through a smothered laugh that the entire room looked like his grandma’s room back in Florida. No doubt done up and never redecorated for the daughter his mother had been expecting and never received, the wallpaper was pale, flowery and hung with silver crosses. Picture frames held stitched psalms that sat cheerfully on the vanity facing the bed. The double bed barely fit the both of them and, as Sam admitted through laughs of his own, the sheets and comforters that surrounded them now did, at one time, belong to his granny. When they’d first walked in, Sam had felt the loving ache of being remembered upon finding that the bed had been made and the room had been tidied for his return.

“How about some sleep, then?” Danny offered. “We’ve had a long day.”

“No kidding,” Sam quietly agreed. “I’m glad what happened did happen, shockingly enough. I really thought it was going to be a trainwreck. I should’ve had more faith in them, I guess.”

“You’ve got just the right amount of faith,” Danny hummed, eyes drifting open and shut as he grew sleepy from the perfume of Sam’s shampoo and his natural sweetness. “I’m really proud of you, baby. I know that was a lot for you. You’re a tough cookie.”

“I’m your tough cookie,” Sam murmured, tickling Danny’s neck with his nose and planting a lingering kiss on the pulse thrumming violently under his lips. Danny let out a breathy groan and gently dug his fingers into Sam’s back as Sam mapped a sleepy path of kisses along Danny’s neck.

“Easy, cookie,” Danny raggedly chuckled, smoothing his palm up and down Sam’s back as he fought in vain to stave off the growing pressure in his boxers. “I thought being in this bed was a no go.”

“It is,” Sam doubled down, lips dragging against Danny’s skin as he whispered. “Just saying thank you real quick.”

“You and your fuckin’ ‘thank you’’s,” Danny smiled, eyelids fluttering fully shut as he tilted his head back and gave Sam more area to cover. “This is like that first night all over again.”

“I was so embarrassed,” Sam giggled, his breath fanning out in warm bursts over the thin layer of saliva cooling on Danny’s skin. “I thought I’d gone and fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Sweetheart,” Danny cooed, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Sam refused, pressing his cheek into the hollow of Danny’s collarbone.

“Yes, you absolutely are, my little California love.”

“Even after today?” Sam asked, sounding more uncertain than he wanted to. “I can’t think of a single other person on Earth who could’ve sat through all of that bullshit and still liked me at the end of it. Like, I really can’t apologize enough. Especially for Jake’s crazy ass.”

“Especially after today,” Danny insisted. Sam lifted his head from Danny’s chest and looked up at him with an unconvinced sneer, their noses brushing as Danny raked his fingers through Sam’s damp waves and searched for the fortitude to say what he felt. These were the moments where Danny felt it the strongest; Sam burrowed into him with his eyes as wide and wondering as the day they’d met. This was what love was to him.

“Sam,” Danny whispered sincerely, voice low and breathless. “If it meant I got to keep you by my side for 10 extra minutes, I’d live today over and over again. Do you understand? There is nothing you could put me through that I wouldn’t stick around for. Not when I’m this ridiculously in love with you.”

Sam’s already wide eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets at that, pupils expanding slowly as a nervous smile wound its way onto his flushed face. Danny smiled at him, feeling a flush of his own beginning to heat his body from his heart outwards. 

“You’re what?” Sam asked, leaning back slightly to look at Danny properly. 

“You heard me,” Danny teased, pinching the rosy apple of Sam’s cheek. “What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re crazy,” Sam laughed, shimmying in their cocoon of blankets and limbs to readjust his arms to wrap around Danny’s neck. “And may have been dropped on your head as a baby.”

“How did you know that?”

“It’s the only rational explanation as to why you’d go and say that,” Sam flouted breezily. 

“Is it really so hard to believe?” Danny asked, making a pitiful face that made Sam’s heart flutter. “You make it very easy to be in love with you, as a matter of fact. I don’t have to try at all.”

“I love you,” Sam murmured, in awe. It’s not like he was stupid, he knew Danny had to have loved him for them to have gotten as far as they had, but it still felt entirely unexpected to actually hear it. After a year of being startled awake by Sam’s sleep talking, patiently listening to stories of the worst of Sam’s childhood punishments, even sleeping sitting up in a jail cell in New Mexico when Sam’s newfound chutzpah found purchase with a rowdy biker, there was Danny at the end of it all. Patiently awaiting what fresh hell Sam would drag him into next. 

“I love you, too,” Danny assured him. “But are you in love with me?”

“Fucking obviously,” Sam blurted. “I'm so in love with you, Danny, fuck. I didn’t realize I even had to clarify that.”

“Of course you did! How else would I know?” Danny laughed, eyes glittering with glee and relief at Sam’s confirmation.

“I thought I had made myself plenty clear when I followed you across the country with zero hesitation. Twice.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Also, I mean, you popped my cherry, so.”

“You weren’t gonna give that up for just anyone, huh?” Danny laughed, his freckled nose crinkling. 

“Nope,” Sam smiled flirtatiously. “I was saving it for truuue looove.”

“Is that what this is?” Danny asked softly, his smile paling with uncertainty as he searched Sam’s dark eyes. 

“I hope so,” Sam breathed, his heart racing just as fast as it did when he was still learning to look at Danny without feeling faint. “Do you think it is?”

“I do,” Danny said sincerely, cupping Sam’s jaw. “Let’s say it is and go from there.”

“Works for me,” Sam agreed, nervously tilting his chin forward and melting from the inside out when Danny met him with a fiery kiss.

Sam was no stranger to the possessive pressure Danny preferred to apply when kissing, but there was something fierce behind this kiss that left Sam feeling utterly and completely loved. Lying in the same bed just over a year ago, Sam recalled how he’d bundle the blankets into a wall to press his back against as he slept, pretending it was someone to keep him steady and wake him in the morning. He thought of how that was something he didn’t need to dream about anymore. He thought of how lucky he was. How blessed.

“I’m starting to think Josh may have been right,” Sam sighed against Danny’s mouth, now tucked under him with Danny’s loose curls tickling his cheeks. “I think you’re my guardian angel.”

“You’re the angel here,” Danny insisted, thinking of Sam’s tattoo and feeling his thighs tighten unconsciously on either side of Sam’s hips. “Never gonna let anyone clip your wings ever again.”

“I’m serious,” Sam whined, twining his fingers in Danny’s hair and pulling him closer. “You’re the real deal.”

“Maybe Josh did get one thing right tonight.”

“Speaking of Josh…how do you feel about another passenger on our way to Florida?”

“He’s going to have to share the backseat with Jake if that’s the new plan, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I convinced Jake to pack up too.”

“Family road trip,” Sam sang. “I hope your parents don’t mind.”

“No, they’ll love a full house,” Danny answered. “And my sister will love peer pressuring them into doing stupid shit.”

“I can’t wait to see them drunk for the first time,” Sam confessed with a laugh. “They’ll be fucking ridiculous.”

“I don’t know if you’ll want to see them like that if they’re anything like you were the first time you got drunk,” Danny teased, nipping at Sam’s earlobe. “I’ve still never heard you talk like you did that night.”

“Stop that,” Sam giggled, muffling a squeak when Danny kissed the sensitive skin under his ear. “I don’t even remember half of that night.”

“Your brain is protecting your dignity,” Danny joked, his voice low and warm against the shell of Sam’s ear. “You were kind of a slut.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked weakly, panting slightly from so little. Danny tended to do that to him.

“Oh, yeah. Big time. You cried when I wouldn’t put it in.”

Sam immediately slapped a hand over Danny’s mouth and shushed him theatrically, attempting to smother him when Danny laughed hysterically and tried to lick and bite at his fingers.

“What if they heard you!” Sam hissed, his wrists now pinned beside him as Danny held him down with visible triumph.

“Then I’ll apologize!” Danny laughed, jostling as Sam tried to wrench himself out from under him. “You’re the one making the mattress squeak all suspiciously. This is a Christian household, Sam, I mean really.”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I hate you,” Sam declared quietly, sharp eyes trained up at Danny with a glimmer of mischief dancing at his waterline. Danny smiled fondly and lowered himself so their chests were pressed together. He cocked his head, looking Sam over with his hazel eyes lush with emotion.

“And I will love you ‘til the day I die, Sam Kiszka,” Danny announced, pressing his lips to Sam’s with careful appreciation and keeping them there for the hours that followed. 

In the morning, they’d clamor and argue and shed tears before pulling out of Shady Grove with a body in every seat of Danny’s beat up little truck. They’d follow the fate line to Florida to settle and heal and wander from the path like they always did. But that night, they had nothing to do but lay under the blanket of the whistling Alabama sky and love each other.

They’d find in the years and decades that followed, it never got much more complicated than that.

~~

Taglist: @holdingup-fallingsky @milojames16 @spark-my-nature @bladenotblaze @currentlyfangirling10

#i struggled so hard to finish this BUT im proud!!!! #theyre so fucking cute #gvf #greta van fleet #danny wagner #sam kiszka #sanny gvf #greta van fleet fanfiction #greta van art #karoufiction

[billthedrake]

MY SON'S PORN LIFE

It was just porn, I rationalized, and I'm a man with a more than healthy libido. Married with three kids, I have a decent sex life with my wife, especially considering that we've been married for 25 years now.

But I like to jerk off, too, and since I turned 50, my bi side had been rearing itself more. A while back I went through a phase of lining up no-strings BJs from guys on the side. I'd put that behind me, but I still got off on the fantasy of fucking a guy or having him suck me. 8 times out of 10, when I was looking for stroke fodder, I'd pull up a gay porn video.

Then came the fateful day. I didn't even know what I was looking at first. I was just browsing one of those free video sites and saw a thumbnail of two hot bodies with a tag like "Hot Jocks Fuck After Practice." Unlike with women, I don't even know that I have a type when it comes to guys, but these dudes looked hot... muscular and young 20s, smooth bodied. They're probably everyone's type.

I clicked, and my heart sank.

It started out PG-rated, with two jockish guys sitting on a couch, one with his arm draped over the other's shoulder as the cameraman asked them questions and the guys talking about being excited for the scene that was about to happen.

One of the young men, the blond hunk with his arm draped over the beefier dark-haired guy, was my son Travis.

Holy fuck. I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't believe it at first. My oldest kid - and only son - was doing gay porn. I listened to another half minute of the pre-sex interview and watched as Travis turned to the dark-haired dude, with a playful lust in his blue eyes and said, "Yeah, Sam has an amazing ass." He turned back to the camera with a grin and added, "Like, big fucking meaty cakes..."

"Ha," the cameraman laughed. "You ready to do this then?"

"Hell yeah," the dark haired guy replied.

I closed the browser, hyperventilating.

My Trav. Good kid, great student, played football at the expensive college we sent him to. I didn't know how long he'd been doing porn, or if this was a one-off. I wondered if he had any troubles, financial difficulties, drugs, gambling, whatever, that led him to do this. I wondered if I should tell his mother.

But I paused, staring at now blank screen. Maybe Travis was doing this for money, but he seemed to be enjoying himself. Sure there was playing along, but you can only fake so much.

And I knew Kate would freak out. She wasn't judgmental, but this was something else. Besides, she was the worrying sort of mother. That's why I loved her, that's why she was such a wonderful parent. But this would break her heart. I'd be keeping this to myself.

***

It was mid-afternoon in the office when Kate called. "Brad, you still able to make Caitlin's game today?" Our middle daughter Courtney was in college now, and Caitlin was now a senior in high school, which meant these soccer games would soon be a thing of the past.

I didn't mind, really. I had a sales job that could be crazy busy and required a lot of travel but days like that day I had some flexibility. And I loved my girls and enjoyed being the supportive dad. There were a few soccer parents who regularly showed up and we all kind of bonded. And the girls' team was really good that year. It was fun.

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Great," my wife said. "I should be able to catch the last half, and maybe we can get dinner out. I have book club tonight," she reminded me.

We wrapped our conversation and I checked the clock. 2:30. I put in another hour of work, then cut out early.

I knew I'd be on my own for taking care of my orgasm that evening, so I went home first. I had enough time for a nice, leisurely stroke and looked forward to enjoying it.

As I got to my bedroom and kicked off my shoes, though, a thought hit me. A curiosity, sure, but also a horniness.

I wanted to watch my son Travis fuck a guy.

I was shaking a little as I searched again for that video. But I wasn't as hesitant as I should have been. It took me a few seconds to find it. That familiar thumbnail. My heart beat. I pressed play.

I listened to the introductory banter. The flirtiness between the two guys, putting on their dumb-jock act. Then the cameraman prodding, "You ready to do this then?"

I was rock hard. My son kissed dark haired guy. Trav looked like a smooth operator, snaking his tongue between the other guy's lips and making out, softly at first, then with more lust.

Their hands now removed their tank tops. Dark haired guy was real muscular, like a total gym body. Still had his baby fat, which made his bulk hotter somehow. I watched Trav feel him up, and I had to unzip.

Travis was the real star, though. Ripped, waxed smooth, tanned muscle contrasting with his adorable boy next door looks. My eyes were riveted to him, drawn as much as the dark haired guy's hands, which were now pawing at Travis's bare chest and abs, and then moving down...

I let out a groan when that hand cupped Travis's crotch. This was the moment of truth. Was I going to watch more?

I couldn't stop it, or take my eyes away. Trav got a playful look on his face and undid his shorts, making his abs crunch as he lifted his hips to slide them off.

There it was. My son's cock. His erection, long and thick, very much like my own. I never thought of myself as having a porn star cock, but I knew I was hung, and now I had a son who literally had a porn star dick.

I felt the excitement over take me as I stroked my own prick and jets of semen shot out. Uncontrollably. A crazy orgasm that had my head flushed and pounding from the taboo excitement.

I shut the video and the computer. And I quickly cleaned my mess.

Fuck.

***

Yeah, I felt like a heel. But I'd gotten off big time, and I knew I would again.

By now I had a good lead. Trav went by the name of "Brent" and was a Sean Cody model. Turns out this wasn't his only, or even his first video.

I found the others. Each one was better than the last. Travis was the jock-next-door type who played it up for the camera. His MO seemed to be to start off slow and romantic with a guy and work up to really pounding the bottom's ass with long, hard strokes. More than one came hands free from it. I just about did, even watching.

I watched them all, savoring them one by one until I was able to make it to the end of each. Then I watched them repeatedly, too much. I thought the guilt would kick in and I'd come to my senses, but I never did. I thought the novelty of the forbidden fruit would wear off, but I came buckets watching Travis fuck guys. Every single time.

I dug around more. From the comments on blogs, it seemed that "Brent" was a fan favorite. There was some bitching from guys that Sean Cody didn't have stars like Travis any more, that they'd gone downhill over the last year.

That hit me for some reason. I mean, I was glad that porn was just a temporary thing for my son. Logically, I would have been happier if it hadn't been a thing at all for him. But fuck, I wanted to see more. I loved watching my son. It was like spying on him, letting me be a voyeur into his sex life. And, hands down, Travis was just a stud.

I initially felt a burst of shame when I saw my wife or daughters after I stroked off. But they didn't know. I was still a good father, though if Travis knew I wouldn't blame him for having another opinion of me.

When Travis came home for Christmas, it hit me. The awkwardness, the weight of the secret. He thought I was just stressed from work or something, I guess. We ended up having a good visit with him. But he seemed like he had something on his mind.

The last day, he gathered us around the table. He was nervous as hell, but he came right out with. "I've got something to tell you guys... I'm gay."

Caitlin and Courtney immediately got out of their chairs and went to hug their big brother. I never was prouder of them.

I wondered if Kate had any inclination, but I could tell then that she was surprised. She was supporting as always though. Not touchy feely like our daughter, but more communicative.

It was my turn. "We love you son. And I'm proud as hell of ya." I was getting a little teary but tried to be the stoic Dad. I think Travis appreciated both.

***

Life moved forward. Caitlin graduated from high school and was getting ready to head out East for college. Courtney was applying to med schools. Kate and I were starting to talk seriously about retirement and making plans for a future now that the kids were flying the coop.

Travis was now 25, out of college and living in Chicago. He worked as a personal trainer and just enjoyed being a young guy in the big city. He was probably enjoying dating and the gay scene, but I didn't know the details. But I had a sales visit in Chicago pretty often and I'd always book an extra night to have some quality time with my son.

It was nice to have a break from the "Brent" videos. Maybe it was the increased sex with Kate, a kind of second honeymoon, but I was watching way less porn. And while I visited Travis's videos from time to time, I wasn't as obsessed with them.

Until I saw a new one. An OnlyFans one shot in a hotel room. Only he was no longer "Brent" but "JakeTheJock." But it was the same hunky Travis, he'd even put on a little more muscle. And the same fuck technique... romantic making out, some swapped BJs or 69 for foreplay. Rimming his bottom, then going to pound town on him bareback.

It was like a junkie mainlining after getting out of rehab. I knew I shouldn't be watching, but there was just an incredible rush, a high even. I had gotten to where I regularly busted twice in a session watching Travis fuck, but this had me getting off three times.

It took some creativity but I found a way to subscribe to Trav's OnlyFans without any telltale signs on my credit card statement. With regularity, I found time to get off to watching my very hunky son have sex. The guilt hadn't gone completely away, but I'd gotten real good and compartmentalizing it. The weird thing is for as much as I watched my son's porn videos, I didn't have any specific fantasies involving me and him. It was just an immediate lust, combined with the thrill of taboo and the voyeurism of almost spying on him. Seeing his secret life.

At first I missed the relative professionalism of the Sean Cody vids, but Travis's OnlyFans offered the advantage of quantity. Every week, I got to watch Travis with another guy. Or a repeat session with one of the other OF "stars." He was branching out beyond jock types like him and doing other men. Some older, some beefier, some hairy. I loved watching it all. A couch BJ in a New York apartment, or shower sex in some London hotel. I was following up on my son's travel through his porn page.

***

It was hard to look at my son the same way again. I loved him and respected him as a normal proud parent, but when I visited him, in the back of my head all I could think of was Travis's toned muscle, his big thick dick and the size of his cum loads oozing out of some muscle dude's ass.

For what it was worth, my son SEEMED happier now, enjoying his life and his day job and filling me in a little on his dating life when I came to visit.

"Maybe I'm not ready to settle down," he admitted with a grin as we had dinner in some downtown restaurant that Travis had picked a change of pace from the expense account steakhouses I took prospects on my sales call.

God help me I found my son so attractive at that moment. The dim light of the restaurant bringing out his blond hair and blue eyes and his dimples and perfect teeth. I actually threw hard in my suit trousers under the tablecloth.

I was fucked up, I knew, but the next day I requested to be put more regularly on the Midwest territory at work. I passed it off as seniority and wanting some closer travel, but really I just wanted to be in Chicago more.

***

The next video my life changed. It was a Tuesday after my Chicago visit and I'd cut out of work a little early to have some time with a new video that was planned to drop. I still had no idea how far in advance Travis shot these. Maybe it was made right after my visit or weeks before.

I just knew something was different about this one. Travis had been paired with some older men before, mostly fitness buff types and muscle guys. But this one with by the handle "CornfedDaddy" and he looked a little like Travis - blond and blue eyed, that Scandinavian-German stock giving him some real height and bulk. He looked even more like me. Middle aged, fit but more normal looking than a normal porn star. I wondered how Travis's fan subscribers would react but seeing Travis making out with this dude got me hard as fuck.

I knew it was because I imagined myself in CornfedDaddy's place, and Travis actively attracted to me.

And that attraction was real. Travis wasn't faking the intensity of that kiss or the excitement in feeling up that 40-something bulk. My hunky son seemed almost dreamy voice as he growled, "Ready to show the guys something new, Daddy?"

That very word almost had me coming.

The man was like one of my goddamn work colleagues, or the married men you'd see around Kansas City. And he talked like a suburban guy, too. "Fuck yes," he answered with a happy laugh.

Travis's strong hand massaged the man's boner through his shorts, then pushed the hem down. CornfedDaddy might not have had a porn star body, but that dick was big, bigger than Travis's.

I watched as my son leaned over and started sucking on that giant hog.

I came, my first cum, shooting hard into my fist. I had to let go to cool off and stop the video a second. I wiped off the excess cum and tossed the kleenex in the trash. This was gonna be an epic stroke session.

I took a look around and checked my phone. Coast was going to be clear for a while. I resumed watching.

I'd seen Travis suck a dick before, but this felt more purposeful and certainly more of a challenge than the other bottoms he'd been with. But like before, he pulled off and leaned back on the couch, ready for his turn at being serviced. He pulled down his shorts and I saw my son's beautiful dick. I was proud I'd created a man that amazing.

CornfedDaddy got a big grin and scooted down onto his knees, between Travis's legs. I loved watching guys suck my son. Occasionally Travis would post oral only videos of some guy blowing him and swallowing his load. I don't know that I preferred those to the fucking but they were amazing in their own different way.

But Cornfed Daddy had a different kind of swagger to his dad-next-door expression. "Lift em up, son," he urged. And Travis did, pulling those thick, knotted thighs up and back to his chest.

The Daddy dove in, starting to rim Travis with an excited urgency.

"That's it, Daddy, eat my hole!" my son cried.

I shot the second time.

I was hyperventilating now. It took me a second to get the energy to pause the video. Daddy was just pulling out.

I looked down at my load. Not as heavy as the first, but jesus it was heavier than it had a right to be. I was grateful now that I hadn't chickened out or let my guilt stop me from subscribing to Travis's videos.

I took more of a break this time. I got some water and checked some work emails. I knew I wanted another cum, but i was in my 50s. I'd need some recovery time.

Finally, I was ready. I already knew this would be a video I'd savor for many sessions. I resumed it and wondered it was going to go where I dreamed it might.

It did. Cornfed grabbed some lube and slicked up his cock before lining it up with my sons hole, teasing it some.

"First time on camera, right?" he asked Travis.

My son's adorable smile showed as he nodded. "Fuck yeah. Figure it was time for those guys to watch me get fucked."

Cornfed gave him a quick kiss then leaned up and hissed. "Let's show them, then."

And like that I was watching another man penetrate my stud son's hot ass.

I held off stroking and just let my cock ache in hardness as I watched. I knew instinctively this was not Travis's first cock. But the virginity idea hit me deep, and the men on screen were playing it up.

Travis leaned back and stroked his big dick and came hard, shooting ropes on his ripped torso.

Cornfed kept fucking, but within a minute he was getting close, too. I watched him approach his nut and started stroking myself, trying to time my third cum with the ejaculation inside my son. It was pretty close. Watching that Daddy orgasm and hearing his grunt sent me firing.

By now, I was feeling spent and overstimulated. I had to shut the video and focus on something besides what I saw.

****

I had a Chicago sales call the following week. I gave Travis some space, telling him I'd be in the city more now and if he had other plans, he shouldn't feel obligated to meet up this time.

"Nonsense, Dad," he said. "I have some evening clients that day but I could meet you after."

I had a business dinner anyway, so I told him I'd come to Boystown for a change, and meet him for a drink around 9:30.

God, he looked like a million bucks, his workout clothes fitting his form well. He had an amazing body on camera, but up close his muscle seemed firmer, bigger. I had a fleeting thought that I should hire him as my personal trainer.

I was tempted to have a normal evening, but it had been weighing on my mind. The need to come clean. Not all of it of course, but halfway through our first drink I dropped the bombshell.

"Trav... I know how to bring this up, but I know about your videos," I said quietly.

I expected a sense of shame or embarrassment, but Travis mostly just seemed surprised. "Did someone tell you?" he asked.

I shook my head, letting out more than maybe I should. "No, I just stumbled on one."

That made my son grin. "So you watched me?" he asked with a gentle laugh.

The fact that my son didn't seem put off by me watching him made my heart pound and my mind go where it shouldn't. But I lied. "No... when I saw it was you...." I didn't know how to explain, maybe because there was no good explanation.

Travis's laid back nature put me at ease some. "I didn't know you were into gay stuff, Dad," he said with an easy smile. I could tell he was happy with that knowledge. Maybe it made him feel less of an outcast in the family or something.

"I guess I have a bi streak when it comes to porn," I admitted. I figured it was the least I could own up to, since I'd practically admitted it already. "But you're not telling your mother," I added with a playful smile of your own.

"Don't worry, Dad," he assured me. "Um, does she know about my porn life."

"No," I said. "No guarantees someone won't tell her, though."

He nodded. "Yeah, I figure. I mean, I'm not ashamed of it, Dad. I enjoy it and it's good money coming in. I'll probably be able to buy a nice condo in a year or so."

I shook my head with a little wince. For as much as I'd perved to my son, a father doesn't like hearing this kid is doing something which may harm him. "I hope you don't mind that I brought it up."

Travis patted my leg. Not flirty, but affectionate. "Nah, it's good you did. I don't like keeping secrets." He took as sip of his drink then continued, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Depends," I said. Nervous for what he was going to ask.

"So, when you came across my vid, you must have been watching some other stuff, right?"

"Yes," I replied softy.

Travis's expression got a little naughty grin. "Like, what kind of stuff?"

"Travis!" I admonished him.

"Come on, Dad," he coaxed me, undaunted. "It's just porn. All guys watch it."

God, there was something so assured and open about my son's embrace of sexuality that had me opening up to him. "There are a couple of guys that I like," I said, naming two of the Only Fans models I'd seen Travis paired with: MusclePupXXX and MrCakes.

I could tell my son was glad I told him. A secret between us, and maybe a bond. "I know those guys," he smiled. "I can hook you up with one if you like."

"Jesus!" I swore. Then gaining my calm, I tried to respond with a quip, "In case you don't remember, I'm a married man."

He shrugged. "It's just sex. I mean, men are pigs right?"

I worried maybe my son was way too jaded and that doing porn hadn't helped him. A scary idea occured to me. "Trav... you're not hustling are you?" I'd been afraid to ask.

Travis sighed. "It's not like that, Dad," he said. I wish he'd come out and said "no." But I got some assurance out his reply. "I like doing porn and that's good enough for me. It helps me build my client base up, too."

"For real?" I asked. For some reason I hadn't thought there would be a benefit to doing those videos.

"Oh yeah," my son explained. "I get so much business from guys who want me as a trainer."

"What? Do you sleep with them?" Then I held my hands up. "You know what? That's none of my business."

"You really wanna know," Travis was challenging me. "I don't charge them for it, but yeah, if they're hot and there's chemistry, then I'll have sex with them. It's fun and I've met a lot of hot guys that way. They're happy, too." He paused and gauged my reaction. "You don't approve, do you?"

I sighed and shook my head. "It's me who's worried about you not approving," I said.

Travis seemed surprised. "For watching gay porn? Dad, that's like the most normal thing ever. Seriously."

Our conversation turned to more normal day-to-day stuff, but when I got back to my hotel, I was glad I'd cleared the air with Travis. I felt like he had a closer bond now.

***

My next trip was a few weeks later. I'd hoped to treat Travis to dinner, but I had a business engagement that kept me till late. I texted my son to see if he was up for meeting me for a drink somewhere. He said sure and I grabbed an Uber to meet him closer to his neighborhood.

He wasn't alone. As I walked into the place, I saw him sitting next to a guy. Shorter, compact muscle that showed through his tight T-shirt. Trimmed beard, cute as fuck. It was MusclePupXXX.

"Hey Dad, I brought my friend Mike along," he explained. I played it cool and shook the guy's hands. The dude's eyes were on me, lecherous but playful at the same time. I was annoyed at Travis but also feeling an ego boost that this stud friend of his would be into me.

The next fifteen minutes was excruciating though. Trying to have a conversation with my son and small talk with this stranger at the same time. Processing my conflicting emotions.

Finally, Mike excused himself to the restroom. Travis had a shit-eating grin.

"Trav, what the fuck?" I growled.

He seemed undaunted. "Come on, Dad. Mike thinks your hot. It's your fantasy on a silver plate. Bang a porn star. No strings, no worries."

"I can't," I complained.

"If you don't wanna, no skin off my back," he said. "Honest, Dad, I'm not trying to piss you off. Just thought you'd enjoy it."

Mike came back, interrupting our conversation. We'd finished the drink, when Travis said he had to go. "I have a 6AM client," he explained, getting up from the bar seat.

Mike looked over at me, trying to read what I was going to do.

"I think I may stay for another," I said, blushing the minute I said it.

Mike didn't miss a beat. "I will too. Later, bro?" he said to Travis, giving him a fist bump then getting up for a gay-dude hug and kiss.

The remainder of the evening went down pretty much as you'd expect. Heavy eye contact then me taking MusclePupXXX back to my hotel room, where I got a real porn star blow job before pulling him off and asking if I could fuck him.

This wasn't some DL Craigslist BJ. This was real, honest to god man-to-man sex, and it ws incredible. I pounded this muscle hunk in multiple positions and he was every bit the power bottom he was on screen. It occurred to me that he was getting the father of another guy who'd fucked him and that was a big part of the turn on for him. The idea got me off, too, and I nutted hard in his hole, collapsing onto his back as I caught my breath.

I thought I'd feel guilty after but that orgasm had put me in a good mood. We showered together, softly making out and exploring each other's soapy wet bodies.

"So, my son didn't pay you for that, did he?" I asked, not accusing in tone, more curious.

Mike grinned and reached down to cup my genitals. "Nah. You're hot, man. You're a good fuck too. You should hit me up next time you're in Chicago."

"So you live here," I said dumbly. For some reason I thought maybe Mike was just visiting from New York or LA.

"Best city on Earth," he nodded proudly. "And Midwestern guys are the hottest."

With that he turned around and backed his meaty ass against my now hard again dick. Yeah, round two sounded amazing.

***

The next time I visited, I fucked MusclePupXXX again. A quickie in the afternoon, before my work dinner. It felt naughty as hell.

He called me Daddy during sex, and I let a "son" or two slip out. That both worked us up big time, and it was clear my relation to Travis was in the back of our minds. It was still in the back of my mind when I met Travis later on for dinner. He didn't ask me about Mike and I wondered if he knew. But he had a knowing look about something.

Summer came, and the work travel slowed. I followed my son on OnlyFans as he went to Barcelona and Fire Island. He was bottoming more now, and he seemed to be with older men more. Daddy types. CornfedDaddy made a regular appearance when he was back in Chicago, and I half wondered if they were dating.

Travis was out of town the next time I went to Chicago for work, but MusclePup Mike was there. I had him over to my hotel after dinner and he stayed over the night. We went at it deep with the dad-son thing. I knew it was wrong, but I was SO turned on doing it. And it thrilled Mike, too. The more I was "Dad" for him the more eagerly he bounced on my cock.

"You're incredible," I said to him the next morning as I brought him a coffee from the hotel lobby. I'd gotten showered and dressed for my morning meeting.

Mike had buzzed-short hair and looked adorable first thing in the morning. "You're not getting feeling for me are you, Mr. Connors?" He'd taken to calling me by my last name. I let him.

I shook my head. "No. Just living out a midlife crisis, I suppose."

That made him break out in a goofy grin. Mike was short, 5'7" or so, and his compact build looked all bulked up with his brawn. "Well, lucky for you that midlife crises are my speciality," he grinned, leaning forward and unzipping my suit trousers.

I set down my coffee and felt the silky soft mouth go down on me. For all our time together, Mike had never sucked me to completion. He was going to now. I gently ran my fingers through his hair as he worked me more eagerly and got me to the finish line. I came hard down his throat and was grateful that that made bottoms as hot as MusclePup Mike.

"That gonna last you today, Daddy?" he asked with a lewd smile.

"It should," I replied, meeting him for a soft kiss and tasting my own cum on his lips.

***

Travis bought his condo. Lakeview, modern, amazing 1 bed room. He was proud and happy and clearly eager to show it off to me. The furnishing was still sparse and Travis talked a mile a minute about his plans for decorating the place and making it feel like home.

He walked me over to the window and described how his view was protected because of the park across the street. I patted his shoulder.

"It's an amazing place, son," I said. "You did well."

Travis kind of leaned into me some, and I saw a look in his eye. Gone was the confident assured porn star. There was my son, questioning me. I knew then that Mike had told him stuff. And I knew what was on Travis's mind.

"You know," I said. "I lied to you before. I've watched your videos. All of them."

That made my son smile. There was the confident sex machine coming to life. "Yeah, what did you think?" his voice had almost a gravely sound and I knew he was turned on.

"They were the hottest goddamn thing I've ever seen in my life," I hissed.

Our lips met. Soft at first, then hard charging. We'd built up too much lust to take it easy. Travis's hands were unbuttoning my dress shirt and I was tugging at the hem of hit T.

"Fuck... we gonna do this, Dad?" he growled with lust.

"If we don't I'll have the worst blue balls in the world," I replied.

This was so wrong, and that forbidden nature fueled our excitement. We stepped back and stripped for each other. Then Travis took my hand and led me to his bedroom.

"You're gonna be the first guy to fuck me here," he said naughtily. Our naked bodies clung to one another on the bed, father cock against son cock, as we made out. Travis scooted from my grip and fumbled for some lube. I equally fumbled prepping myself and getting in place. The fuck was rushed, too rushed. I came within a minute of entry and my son didn't seem to do better.

But we lay on the bed side by side, holding hands and grinning at each other. Cocks still hard. My first load inside my son, his streaming and liquefying on his chest.

"I can't believe I just fucked JakeTheJock," I joked, and Travis laughed.

"Would you ever consider doing that on camera?" he asked.

That shocked me, but Travis added, "You could wear a mask, no one would know it was you, Dad. Think about it. It would be hot as fuck."

I would think about it. That was the crazy thing. My son had a way of upending my world.

But for now, I didn't want any cameras or onlookers. I just wanted it to be me and Trav. He smiled at me and squeezed my hand. Then he climbed on top of my naked body and kissed me deeply as he bucked his slick ass against my boner. My hands possessively felt up his gym-perfected body and decided I was going to get in real shape myself.

For now, Travis seemed into me, into my dad bod, into fucking around with his actual father. I felt him shift angle and my rigid shaft entered a now more pliable, open hole as my son sank down on me.

I had an hour before I had to go get ready for my meeting, and I was going to make the most of it.

#drakestories

[elgascreamslikehell]

WIP WEDNESDAY

Thanks to @aspecbuddie for tagging!!

I found myself in a strange place where I'm writing buddie fic but they kinda don't have much interaction yet.

It's gonna change and omg i know it's probably stupid and fun but i need to write it anyway cause ficwriter fever.

Eddie takes a breath: ‘I'm not sure you get the situation correctly. Buck just happens to be my son's best friend. Do you have something against that?’ And finally Sam smiles: ‘No, of course not. You have a great son, I just needed to check the whole thing. Evan's explanations were a bit confusing and it looked like more of co-parenting deal which I'm not a fan of’ Eddie feels Athena and Bobby looking at each other. Co-parenting situation though. Fuck. It could actually look like that… ’I give you that, the situation could be confusing at first. But don't worry. Buck is just great with kids. And he is a very good friend, so yes, he helps me a lot’, - Eddie catches the changes on Sam's face: ‘He introduced Carla to our life. She's… I can't call her a babysitter because she's so much more. As you could probably mention Chris isn't an easy kid’,- he is. Chris is perfect. Eddie loves his son. And now, apparently, Chris is the only person Eddie can love. Is it appropriate to go already? He doesn't want to be rude to Maddie and Chim by any means but it would be better for Chris and him just go home, otherwise Eddie has all chances to end up under the table drunk as hell. Nobody would like it. ‘I get it’, - Sam is ignoring Eddie's face or he actually can't read between the lines, Eddie doesn't know for sure but it looks like he is stuck in this conversation: ‘Then I'm all for it. And I can see Evan’, - Buck. His name is Buck! Okay, Eddie quietly exhales. Maybe Buck is fine being called Evan now. ’He is very nervous he could lose Chris. So listen, if it's fine with you… maybe we actually can go out with him once in a while, and you get more free time, Evan said you broke up with your last girlfriend some time ago, so you definitely deserve your own personal life’ Eddie thinks he can hit him right in the face now. Athena would be mad, of course. Bobby too. He could be fired. But it would be worth it! He thinks Sam has no idea. But, he thinks, he has to do it for Buck. This last thought is refreshing as a cold shower. He is doing that for Buck. Buck wants him to like his boyfriend. Eddie could not do that. But he could pretend. He learnt the science of pretending quite well. ‘Hey, Eddie! Can you please come for a second?’, - Maddie is an angel sent straight from heaven to save his sanity and Sam's face. He excuses himself and goes straight to the kitchen hoping it doesn't look like running

And taglist (as always no pressure but actually if you want to also share something and my tag can ping you - ping!)

@pirrusstuff @steadfastsaturnsrings @idealuk @duncley @angryangeldreamsalad @blackberry-l @teayourtea @springeden7 @charleyk @lilypads-and-dragonflies @virtualstudent16 @princehattric @dantesrebellion1776 @fionaswhvre @darkrose6578 @thatshroomintheforest @princehattric @pansysgothgf

#eddie diaz #buddie #evan buckley #buck x eddie #buddie 911 #911 fandom #911 buddie #911 eddie #911 fic #ryu is writing stuff

[geminisecrets]

Bad Habit

Warnings:  18+ ONLY! NSFW! Explicit sexual content, coarse language, oral sex, smut, unprotected sex, alcohol, jealousy kink, mentions of weed.

Word Count: 6.7K

Summary: jealous Sam idk that's pretty much it lol. aka the one where jake unintentionally helps you get laid

Authors Note: Listennnnn it took us a long time to post this because we had a bit of writers block, we also had a show and quite the trip planned around it, so it's been crazy. But, we hope you enjoy this jealous Sam fic hehe

Y’all are super duper fuckin rad for telling us what you think about our stuff. ☯️

Requests are open :) 

Join our tag list ✨

“A little faster, baby.” I beg breathlessly. Sam obediently quickens the pace of his middle and ring fingers as they stroke that spot inside me. Lazily, his tongue licks between my lips, stopping every so often to flick his tongue over my clit. “Just like that.” 

“God, you look so fucking hot like this.” He groans into my pussy, his hips rocking into the mess of sheets and pillows under him. 

“So do you.” I mumble, gazing down at him as his tongue swipes up my center, lips and nose shining wet with my slick. He spits at my clit before going back in to devour me. 

“Lover?” I hear his voice, quiet and soft, call to me. 

“Hmm?” I hum, incredibly distracted by the way the scruff of his facial hair is tickling my thighs. 

“You know how we’re going to Hawaii in two weeks?” He asks.

“Mhm.” 

“Remember how Josh and his girlfriend begged to tag along? And we said yes?” 

“I agreed to it only if you promised to do the laundry for a month, but yes–” my voice catches as another wave hits me. “Why? Why are we talking about your brother right now?” I grimace. 

“Well, Jake found out…” he mutters, face still between my thighs. I groan and push him back a little, mood completely ruined at this point. 

“Samuel Fransis Kiszka… did you think you could soften the blow of this news with sex?” I begin to say, as Sam looks up at me with his doe eyes, pleading with me guiltily. 

He ignores the question.“Josh and I felt bad for leaving him out. I had to invite him, Sunshine.” There’s a pause as he anticipates my response, but I’m waiting, eyebrows raised, for further explanation. He peppers wet, sucking kisses across my thighs and up to my belly button in an attempt to lighten the mood again, but to no avail. “It’s just that he’s been in such a slump since he broke up with–”

“I know, I know.” I agree. See, I’m torn here. Part of me is pissed. Sam and I had finally found time to go on a trip, just the two of us. This getaway we’ve been looking forward to now included not one, but both of his brothers. Shit, we might as well just invite Danny and make it a family vacation. 

I also feel…warm. Warm because I love that Sam loves his family. He’s always prioritized them and it’s a quality of his I find incredibly endearing. And, I do love Josh and his girlfriend Pepper, and I love Jake and want him to get out of his own head for a week. 

“Fuck it. The more the merrier,” I roll my eyes teasingly at him, reaching for the back of his head and guiding it between my legs. He returns my smile and reattaches his lips to my clit, arms wrapping around my legs to keep them from clamping shut over his ears. “We'll circle back to this conversation later,” I breathe out. With the feeling of victory he has from me taking the news better than he thought, his vigor ramps up. His fingers curl inside me with purpose and determination as his lips suction onto my core, tongue drawing circles against the spot just above my clit. “I’m close, Sam. Don’t stop,” and before I can even take another full breath, I’m cumming around his fingers. 

As I come down, Sam slips his fingers into his mouth and then wipes them on the leg of his sweatpants. “Shower with me, Sunshine?” He asks, getting to his feet and reaching a hand out for me. I take it, padding barefoot behind him into the bathroom, legs still a little wobbly from the orgasm he’d given me. I reach into the shower and turn the left nozzle, warming up the water as he grabs two towels from the closet next to the sink.  

“You know I think you’re going to regret inviting your brothers on this trip.” I smile, wrapping my arms around Sam’s torso from behind and meeting his eyes as in the mirror as the steam from the hot water already starts to fog up our reflection. 

“Why’s that?” He asks, running his wooden handled paddle brush through the long tresses of his hair, wincing when he catches a snag. I let my hands roam the expanse of his bare chest and stare at the long column of his neck as he swallows, eyes now following the path my hands are taking. 

“I think you know why.” I smirk, biting his shoulder, my eyes finally meeting his again. 

“We’ll have our own room, beautiful.” He reminds me, turning in my arms to face me, placing his hands delicately on my cheeks.

“In a shared bungalow, handsome.” I sneer, teasing. Sam’s head lolls back as he lets out a groan, chuckling lightly. 

“I’m sorry, okay, you know how Josh gets with planning and shit and he begged for this place.” He explains. “It’s supposed to be a dream inside with an incredible view.” 

“I’m not really the one who should be worried anyway, am I?” I lean in, pressing a kiss to the hollow at the base of his neck. “You’re the loud one.” I smirk against his skin as I feel his chest vibrate under me, the howl of his laugh making me giggle in tandem. 

___________________

“I think my ass is going to be asleep for the rest of my life.” Jake groans as we step off of the plane and out into the humid, sticky, Hawaiian air. Immediately, we’re peeling layers off. Sweatshirts and cardigans are being tied around waists and hung over forearms as we saunter through the airport, following signs to baggage claim. After being cramped up in a plane for eleven hours, we’re all happy to be stretching our legs. 

The taxi ride to our bungalow is longer than we anticipated, so by the time we all get inside, I’m sideswiping my friends to get to the bathroom. It just so happens to be in the bedroom right off the living room. 

“Guess we’ll take that bedroom.” I hear Sam laugh, following me. 

“Pepper and I will take the loft then!” Josh shouts, practically running up the stairs, his girlfriend close behind. 

“No way. I get the couch bed? All to myself? How’d I get so lucky?” Jake teases, flopping onto the plush white linen of the rather large couch in the living room.

“Best bed in the house for the best brother I have.” Sam says, joining him on the couch. 

“I heard that!” Josh yells from above. I join Sam and Jake on the couch, fitting into the space they’ve left between them as I cuddle into Sam’s side, feet tucked under Jake’s leg and start to drift off to sleep, jetlag hitting me like a ton of bricks.

___________________

The clock is just ticking past seven in the morning when there’s a pounding on our door. I quickly cover my naked body with the sheets and before I know it, Josh is waltzing into the bedroom. “Wake up! We’ve got beaches to see!” He beams, sunlight radiating from behind him, causing me to roll over and pull the blanket up a little higher over my head. 

“We’re on vacation,” Sam mumbles, tossing in the sheets and covering his face with a pillow. I feel his hand reach out for me under the covers and I give it a squeeze.  

“Come on you lazy bastards, Jake made breakfast and Pepper’s too nice to eat without you. We’re starving.” Josh responds. 

When I hear the door click shut, I peak my head over the covers and stretch the sleep out of my muscles. I expect a good morning kiss from Sam. The same good morning kiss I’ve received every morning since we've been together. But when I roll to my head to the left, Sam’s walking into the ensuite bathroom, phone is his hand, typing away. 

“Excuse you?” I feign offense, although I’m not sure how feigned it really is. His head whips up to look back to me as though he’d forgotten there was even anyone else in the room. He hums in question and furrows his eyebrows, waiting for me to go on. “Are you forgetting something?” I ask, sitting up further.

“Course not, Sunshine.” He shakes his head, walking back over to my side of the bed to plant a kiss on my lips. It’s a peck. Not nearly as slow or soft as I wish it was and I find myself leaning forward, chasing his lips as he pulls away, retreating into the bathroom. 

Sam and I make our way out of the bedroom, half clothed and still half awake. When we turn the corner into the kitchen, we find Jake in a tiny apron, spatula in hand, and I can’t help but laugh at the sight of him. 

“What’s so funny?” Jake asks me, head whipping around, tapping the spatula to the palm of his hand. 

“Nothing, I just never thought I’d live to see the day where you're living out your housewife fantasy,” I mock. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s funny now, but wait until you taste these pancakes.” He boasts. “Un-fucking-real.”

Eventually, we all get ready, and load up the rental car– a lovely 2012 Toyota Sienna.

“Ahhh, the champagne of cars,” Jake chides, sitting in the third row backseat, palms resting on the headrests of the captains chairs in front of him. 

“You’re telling me you don’t think you could pull any women in this thing?” Sam asks, slapping the leather seat. 

“Oh, the car has nothing to do with the ability I have to pull women, Samuel.” Jake huffs.

Jake has always had a multitude of women at his reach, everyone always wants a piece. He’s been like that ever since I’ve known him and from what I've heard, ever since he was a teenager. Jake is the perfectly dangerous mix of meekly charming and confidently sexy. 

I met Jake while he was working at the cafe on campus when we were both in college. We became friends quickly. He was with another girl at the time but he had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world when he was talking to you. He’s incredibly easy to naturally gravitate toward, but damn, he keeps his walls up high. It makes him practically unreachable. 

I’ve seen many women come and go from his life over the years that I’ve been with Sam. They all have the same mindset of, “Oh, I can change him,” but they never last. After I was introduced to Sam, everything else was history. I don’t even know if Jake remembers the stage in life where he unknowingly had me wrapped around his finger. 

The drive to the beach is embarrassingly short. We really could have walked, but the resort is huge and we didn't want to chance getting lost. As we pull up to the white sand, I feel unbridled joy bubble up inside me. 

Once we finally set up camp on the beach, the sunscreen is being applied, the drinks start flowing and the music coming from the speaker at the little tiki bar behind us is setting the perfect vibe for the day. 

After about an hour in the sun, I start to squirm. “Fuck, it’s hot.” I whine from my lounge chair. Shifting on my side to face Sam’s chair and sliding my sunglasses down my nose, I ask, “swim with me?” He doesn’t answer at first and I almost think he’s asleep before he shrugs and says,

“Maybe in a bit.” 

“I’ll go in with you.” Jake offers from his spot on the other side of his brother. Josh and Pepper end up following too. 

After a dip in the ocean, with everyone but Sam, we all make our way back to the beach. Sam has moved from his chair to the shade of the beachside bar. I walk over to him, still soaking wet and wrap my arms around his neck, soaking him and smacking a kiss to his cheek. 

“Fuck, you’re freezing.” He hisses and winces, pulling away from me. 

“Why are you being such a grump?” I ask, trying to get a feel for exactly what happened between last night and this morning to put him in such a piss-poor mood. 

“I’m not being– I’m fine.” He pushes his sunglasses off his nose and rests them in his hair. “It’s just hot.” 

“Yeah, so the cool thing about the beach is that there’s this huge body of water you can go in to cool off.” I tease, still trying to lighten the mood. 

“What a strange, new concept.” He snides, grabbing his drink and shuffling past me back to the lounge chairs to join the others. I audibly huff out a humorless laugh and roll my eyes as I turn to the bartender. 

“I’ll take a mojito please.”

—--------------

Sam's phone is repeatedly going off, text, after text, after text and he’s checking it like a fourteen year old girl checks the Snapchat notifications from her crush. 

“Jesus, who is that? Your wife?” I ask, only half joking, reaching for the phone only intending to put it on silent. 

Sam reaches for it as I do, our hands colliding. “Umm…” He gulps, looking at me, “It’s–” He doesn't have to say her name before I see it on the screen. 

“Oh.” I say. “What does she want this time?” I question, trying to play it as cool as possible. Sam gestures for me to read the messages myself. I type in his password and start scrolling through the dozens of text messages, the first one coming in last night around midnight. 

All I’m seeing as I skim are keywords like “hospital” and “again” and “new medication” and “so depressed” and “I miss you guys”, “I’m here when you’re ready”–you get the point. 

That incredibly familiar, complicated feeling of jealousy and hurt washes over me. This isn’t the first time that this has happened. Sam’s ex-girlfriend slides back into his messages every few months or so. Sam being the kind and generous guy that he is, always responds. Politely telling her that she needs to move on, etc. But, there’s so much more to it than what you’re probably thinking. There’s a history there that dates back much further than I can even put a date to. A history that involves a myriad of mental health crises, mood disorders and deeply unhealthy attachment styles. 

We’ve had this conversation multiple times. So many hours spent arguing and discussing and crying. I have love for her too. She was my friend too and I want the best for her, but Sam can’t be her security blanket anymore. The last time we talked about this we’d both agreed that he would stop responding to her cries for help. She has good people in her life, she has a solid therapist and a loving family. Sam doesn’t need to be her savior anymore. 

What’s frustrating me is that he’s clearly giving in once again. I don’t know if it’s his savior complex or if he’s trying to hurt me for some reason, but I’m tired of it. 

After a full day on the beach, we decide it’s time for dinner. We’re all tired, sunburnt, and starving, so we pile up in the minivan as Josh drives us back to the bungalow. 

Exhausted, we decided to stop for dinner on the way home instead of going back out later. As we shuffle in the house, everyone drops their beach bags by the door and heads straight for the showers. Clean and lazy and still a little jet lagged, I join Jake on the couch. He reaches for the TV remote and picks out the movie, ‘50 First Dates’.

 “Hawaii. Very cliche,” I say, huffing out a laugh. 

“I feel as though it’s mandatory”, he responds. 

Meanwhile, Sam is typing frantically on his phone in the arm chair across the room, not muttering a word. He’s been like this since we left the beach. I try my hardest to ignore it, because I know exactly what he’s doing– feeding into his ex’s bullshit yet again. 

About halfway through the movie, Josh and Pepper break off to head to bed for the night, leaving Sam who is still glued to his phone, Jake who is glued to the TV, and myself, sitting awkwardly on the couch, bored, irritated, and tense. How many times are we going to have this fight? How many times am I going to sit here feeling guilty for being pissed off? 

“Holy shit, where did that bruise come from?” Jake asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. 

“Huh?” I ask, following his gaze to my thigh. 

“Right there.” He emphasizes his point by poking his finger into the reddish-purple spot on my skin. 

“Ouch, fuck!” I laugh, pulling away. “It must’ve been when I wiped out during our failed body surfing attempt today.” I grimace as I poke the edges of the bruise myself, assessing the damage. “I bruise so easily, I didn’t even notice it.” I chuckle, looking up to Sam. “Did you, babe?” 

Silence. He’s in another world over there. “Sam.” I say, directly. 

“Hmm?” He hums, head lolled back against the armchair, eyes on the glowing screen in his lap. 

“Did you notice this bruise?” I ask. Finally, he looks over to me but not for more than half a second before he’s preoccupied again. 

“No, I didn’t. Looks gnarly.” He states, deadpan, mind clearly elsewhere. 

“Do you want some ice or something?” Jake asks and I feel heat rise to my cheeks in embarrassment. Something about Jake noticing, taking the time to care about something as menial as a bruise I didn’t even feel until he touched it, when my boyfriend could not seem to care any less, is humiliating to me. 

“No, no I’m fine.” I brush it off. “I’m sure it’ll be yellow by the morning.” Jake nods in agreement but I can feel that he’s not convinced in the way his eyes linger on my skin. I feel it then, the flame, flicker, ember, even, of heat in my belly as his eyes drag down the length of my leg when he thinks I’m not watching. When he looks up to my face, his eyes flash wide for a second and he tries to hide a smile, turning back to watch the movie I know none of us are paying attention to. I can’t help but smile back before mimicking his actions and facing the screen. 

I’m not overly proud of my next move, but it does eventually get me exactly what I want. 

“Maybe that wipeout hit me harder than I thought.” I groan, reaching up to squeeze my shoulder muscle. Jake looks back over to me. “There’s a knot the size of a fucking baseball here.” I laugh. “Feel this.” I scoot closer to him on the couch. Without hesitation, he reaches over and gently digs his thumb into my deltoid. “No, here.” I reach for his hand and guide it closer to my neck. I press his fingers into the flesh there and watch as his eyebrows furrow. 

“Jesus, it’s like a rock.” He notes. I drop my hand and he continues to poke into the muscle with the tips of his fingers. I hiss when he rolls his fingers over the tendon. “Shit, sorry.” He pulls his hand away. 

“No–” I reply, maybe a little too enthusiastically, grabbing his wrist. Jake’s eyes widen again, this time in humor as my grip tightens on him. “Don’t stop.” I say, eyes flashing to Sam who is now sitting up a little straighter in his chair. 

It’s fun to make Sam squirm every once in a while. We’ve played this game before. He’ll make a comment about our server when we’re out or I’ll blow a kiss to a stranger. It always ends in explosive sex when we get home, or on the rare occasion, before we get home. It is, after all, harmless. Harmless in the sense that they’re always strangers and the intent is never malicious. It’s always more of a dare when we’re drunk or feeling brave. This feels a little different. Like I’m breaking the rules. 

As Jake massages my muscles, I start to really get into it, tossing my head to the side and letting out soft, faint noises of relief. It’s as I glance up at Sam and then back to Jake that he finally gets exactly what’s going on here and decides to feed into it further. He purses his lips around a grin and squints his eyes at me, shaking his head. 

“Why don’t you lie down on your stomach and I’ll tickle your back for you,” Jake offers. I slowly move myself down to the floor, making sure not to lock eyes with Sam. I lie on my chest and pull a throw pillow from the couch down to rest my head on. This isn’t so strange. We’ve been friends for years. Platonic back rubs, hair braiding, even the odd cuddle on the couch isn’t out of the ordinary for our friend group, but again, we all know this is different.  

Sam, still not uttering a word, continues to scroll through his phone but begins to look up at us every so often. I can feel his eyes on me, flashing questions, but I never meet his stare. He knows what I’m doing, but how far can I push him? 

I expect Jake to take a seat next to me, but he ups the ante just that much more when he straddles me, each leg falling to the side of my hips. I can feel him grind down on me as he tries to get a little more comfortable. I can see Sam’s face from this angle but I close my eyes, really giving into the facade. 

His fingers start to trace lightly up and down on my back. “Go a little slower, but a tad bit deeper Jakey,” I quietly breathe out, falling into a trance. He does as I say, slowing down his movement but digging his fingertips in a little harder.  “Feels kind of like deja vu.” 

“Are you talking about the night after Emma’s party when we crashed together in the guest room?” Jake laughs. 

I giggle at the thought. The night he’s referring to was a little (a lot) less sexy than he’s making it out to be, but there is a resemblance. After smoking too much pot and nearly greening out, I felt a panic attack coming on so Jake and I slept in the guest room. He rubbed circles on my back to help ground and calm me. I didn’t even know Sam at the time. 

“Here.” Jake says as he scoots back a bit and pulls my shirt up exposing my bare back. I didn't put a bra on after my shower and I think it catches him a bit off guard. His confidence falters as he clears his throat but lets his hands continue to wander, fingers drawing patterns on my skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

At this point Sam is staring daggers into us. I can see his chest rising and falling and I chance a look up at his face. His eyes aren't on mine, however they’re burning holes into his brother’s hands as they roam my skin. 

Feeling like we’ve taken this just about as far as we can aside from literally fucking in front of Sam, Jake moves to lay down on the floor beside me and I throw an arm out by his head, signalling for him to rest there. He scoots closer then, head in the crook of my elbow, eyes back on the TV. When I look back up to Sam, he’s finally put his phone down. He’s staring down at us from the armchair, his eyes nothing but slits as he gives me a disapproving scowl. 

“So, is this why you agreed to come to Hawaii with us?” Sam asks Jake. His words come out a curt and bitey, though I know he’s trying to stay casual. 

A smile brims his lips before his eyes slowly flutter open to respond. “I was thinking about making my move. Been thinking about it for years.” I know he’s only saying it as a jab to Sam, but something about the way he lifts up on his elbow, head in his hand, looking down at me, makes my stomach twist. Sam scoffs out a laugh. 

“We all know you had your chance years ago.” Sam mocks, standing now, stretching his arms over his head. The sliver of skin between his low slinging sweatpants and his t-shirt peeks out. I can’t help but look and of course he catches me. Damnit. The smirk he’s wearing pisses me off again and I shift up onto my elbows as well, looking over to Jake and our faces are less than a foot apart at this point.

“I don’t know, I could be persuaded into a polygamist situation.” I shrug, looking up at Sam now. “You’re always talking about how I’m so gullible I could find myself in a cult accidentally. Who's to say I don’t start one myself and get me a few brother husbands.” 

Jake tosses his head back and bellows out a laugh. “Brother husbands.” He repeats, tossing an arm around my neck and squeezing me into his side. “Whaddaya say Sammy, would you share with your big brother?” With his other hand he takes my jaw in his grasp and squeezes my face firmly, but gently until my lips pucker. “Don’t we look cute together?” He asks, pressing his cheek to mine. 

Meanwhile, Sam has lost any and all ability to ‘stay cool.’ He’s never been good at hiding his emotion or masking the way he really feels. He wears his heart on his sleeve and comes by his emotions honestly. Good or bad. 

“Cute isn't really the word that's coming to mind, no.” He grits, the smile on his face is so fake, it’s almost cartoonish. Jake’s grip on my face loosens and his hand wanders down to my stomach, laying it there casually as he continues, as if it’s the way we always touch each other. 

“Cute isn’t really a word I’d use to describe her either, if I’m being honest.” Jake says, suggestively, reaching to play with the string on my hoodie, and that does it. The silence is deafening as they stare at one another before,

“I think it’s time we call it a night, we’ve had a long day and could all use some sleep,” Is all I say. I sit forward and reach for Sam to help me up, but he’s already turned his back on me to pick up his phone from the armchair. 

“Here.” Jake says, standing and reaching for my hands. I’m not even fully stood up yet before Sam’s walking through our bedroom door and shutting it behind him. 

“Fuck.” I mutter, guiltily. 

“Maybe that was a bit much.” Jake grins, bumping his hip to mine. 

“Yeah you were laying it on pretty thick there, Jesus Christ.” I joke, shoving his bicep, though he barely stumbles. “If I didn't know better, I’d say you were barely acting at all.” I tease, facing him and walking backward toward the bedroom I share with Sam. 

He says nothing, only stares at me with a look on his face I can only describe as… coy. 

“Goodnight, gorgeous.” He smiles and turns around to make up his couch bed. “And goodluck with Casanova tonight.” I roll my eyes and finally turn to face the wooden door in front of me. The doorknob is in my hand, but it takes every ounce of willpower I have to turn it. 

When I open the door, the lights are all off except for the sliver of light coming from underneath the bathroom door. With a deep breath, I tap lightly on the door and hear a grunt from the other side. “Can I brush my teeth?” I ask softly. He says nothing but swings the door open, shirt off, hair in a messy bun, and toothbrush dangling from his mouth. 

I maneuver past him to the second sink on the counter and grab my toothbrush, starting my night routine in silence. The tension in this bathroom with Sam is painfully thick and I start to wonder if I really did take it too far. “Sam–” I start at the same time he says,

“Fuck you for that, by the way.” 

“Are you– Me?” I ask, toothbrush tipped over abandoned on the counter, toothpaste making a mess. 

“Yeah what the fuck was all that? Are you trying to make my bad day worse?” 

“Your bad day?” I nearly laugh. 

“Stop responding to my questions with questions.” He snides, spitting into the sink and putting his toothbrush into the little cup on the ledge. 

“Sam, can you seriously not see, from my perspective, how fucking miserable I was at the beach when your face was in your phone all day?”

“You think I wanted to be?” He retaliates. “You think I wanted to come on vacation with my favorite people only to be burdened with her shit yet again?”

“Yet again!” I walk past him into the bedroom and flick on the light. “Exactly. Cause we’ve been through this a million fucking times, Sam.” He follows me in and walks over to the bed where he fluffs his pillow and turns down the sheets.

“I promise you, I’m just as sick of it as you are.” He huffs. 

“You’re not the one fighting for affection in this relationship.” I frown, pulling my top over my head and reaching for an oversized tee to throw on for bed. “It fucking sucks.” 

“You say that like you've had to fight for anything at all in this relationship.” He bites. “I’m the one that moved because of your job. I’m the one who gave up my dog because you’re allergic. I’m the–” 

“Okay!” I raise my voice, now standing at my side of the bed. “I get it, Jesus, I’m a horrible nagging wench who clearly should’ve taken Jake up on that offer to hook up four years ago.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I want to swallow them. 

“I fucking knew it!” He laughs. “I knew you were getting off on that shit in the living room.”  

“Are you really putting this back on me?” I start to say as he talks over me.

“You want to fuck my brother don’t you.” He asks, and something about the tone of his voice as he slowly walks around the foot of the bed makes heat shoot through me from my throat down between my legs. He stares, waiting for me to respond as he stalks me like prey. 

“Are you being serious right now?” I ask, but I know the shake in my voice is giving me away. 

“I know you wanted him.” He says, now standing directly in front of me. “You can’t tell me there’s not a touch of that still in there.” He says, his hand slipping up under my t-shirt, finger ghosting along my underwear band. “In here.” 

My breaths start coming a little more sporadically as his eyes bore into mine, his fingers still wandering. 

“There she is,” he says, lips brushing mine. 

“Sam,” I whimper against his mouth as we breathe each other’s air. 

“There’s my girl.” He says. “My girl.” His fingers finally slide into my underwear. 

“Your girl.” I whisper, and just as soon as I feel his fingertips on my clit, they’re gone.

“Oh, so now you want to play nice?” He asks, reaching around me to turn the light off and then flicking on the bedside lamp. “What was all that out in the living room if you’re mine?” 

“I was just trying to get you to pay attention to me.” I nearly whisper. “Wanted you to want me.” 

“And you thought letting my brother put his hands all over you was going to get you what you wanted?” He asks, stepping toward me again, lightly pushing on my shoulders to lay down on the bed.

“That was the goal, yeah.” I smirk, lip between my teeth. 

“Did it feel good?” He asks, pressing his fingertips into the flesh on my shoulder that Jake had massaged just minutes ago. 

“Um..” I begin, not quite sure how to answer. “I mean, yeah my shoulders were pretty tense after a whole day of you stressing me the fuck out.” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He chastises, straddling my hips, hands on either side of my head. “I want to know if you felt it in your pussy when he touched your shoulders.” I audibly moan in response to the boldness of his question. “Answer me, Sunshine.” He says, lips at my ear and hand traveling back down between my legs. 

“I–” I swallow, distracted by the feel of his fingers lightly petting me over my underwear. His teeth sink into my shoulder just enough to sting as he coaxes the confession out of me. “Yes!” I squeal. “Yes, fuck okay, yes it turned me on.” His lips and tongue soothe the area he’d bitten and he kisses down my chest, pulling at the neckline of my t-shirt to get at my breasts. 

His silence stirs up a need in me to explain myself. “All day long.” I start. “All day long, I’ve been thinking about fucking you,” I moan. 

“Is that so?” He asks, lips suctioning around my nipple. “Where, Sunshine?” 

“Everywhere. The beach, the kitchen, the fucking gas station.” 

“The gas station?” He chuckles, teeth grazing the sensitive bud of my opposite nipple. 

“Anywhere, God, is it not crystal fucking clear by now that I’m a slave for your affection? That I’d do anything for it?” I moan, hands gripping his hair to hold him close. 

He lifts his head to look at me and I can’t quite read the emotion on his face. He sits back a little bit and runs his hands under my shirt, lifting it off of me and over my head.  

“Anything?” He asks, hands running all over my body, starting with cupping my cheeks in his hands, down to my throat where he squeezes lightly, his blunt fingernails scraping down my chest, causing me to gasp as his hands squeeze my waist. 

“Anything, Sam.” 

He brings his hand to my mouth and slips two of his fingers past my lips. I swirl my tongue around them and watch his jaw fall open slightly as he watches my mouth. When he pulls them out, he reaches down to push my panties to the side and slide them inside of me. 

“Say it again.” 

“Anything.” I say. “I need you.” His fingers continue to pump in and out of me while his thumb moves to swipe repeatedly over my clit. My back begins to arch and that’s when he stops. 

“Not gonna be that easy,” he grins, standing up and pulling his boxers down and throwing them to the floor. 

“Careful not to wake anyone up with that pretty mouth, angel,” I tease as he crawls back on top of me and positions himself over my face, grabbing me by the hair and pulling me onto his cock. 

I slide him inside of my mouth until I feel him hit the back of my throat. His cock pulses inside my mouth as he begins to moan, gripping my hair harder with each thrust. 

His hips buck into my mouth and his breathing changes, I can taste the precum on my tongue as I circle him around in my mouth, paying special attention to the head the way I know he likes. 

He pulls out of me and before I can even catch my breath, he’s kneeling on the floor, throwing my legs over his shoulders, his mouth at my entrance, fucking into me with his tongue.  

“Fuck, yeah.” I groan, grasping at the sheets. His tongue pushes into me as far as it can go and his nose presses against my clit perfectly. “Oh my God.” I sigh as I rock my hips against his face. He hums his approval, creating the most unholy vibrating sensation through me from the inside out. His hands move to grip my hips, grinding me against his face as his nose slides up and down over my clit. “I’m gonna cum, Sam.” 

And I really should not have warned him because he licks one stripe up and my slit, and pulls away to leave wet trails all over my thighs as he peppers kisses all around me. 

“Careful Sunshine, you’ll ruin the sheets,” he says, as if that’d be solely my fault. 

“Maybe I want to,” I whine as he lies down on the bed next to me. 

“Such a needy little whore for me,” he says with a smoldering look on his face as he wipes his mouth clean. I can do absolutely nothing but moan in response. I love when he talks to me like this, and he knows it. “You wanna be my whore tonight, Sunshine?” He asks, pulling me on top of him. 

“Mmhmmm,” I say.

“Ride me,” he demands as he slaps my ass. I hover above him as he aligns himself with my core, teasing it at my entrance, rubbing my clit with the tip of his cock. 

He grabs me by the hips and slams me on to him, I cry out a moan in response, “fuck!” 

“Shhh shhh, don’t wanna wake ‘Jakey’, now do we?” He says. 

“Shut up,” I say as I continue to bounce up and down on him, watching him squirm below me as if I have the power, knowing full well that I don’t. 

In retaliation, he flips us over. With my knees bent and him in between my thighs, he thrusts himself back into me and picks a pace and rhythm that takes my breath away. 

“You are so fucking perfect.” He says, sweetly peppering kisses against my cheeks and lips, a complete juxtaposition from the way he’s pounding into me so perfectly I think I might have bruises in the morning. He grabs me by the hips and arches my back deeper so I’m not laying completely flat on the bed. 

“You’re so deep, Sam.” I say between gasps as he takes my breath away with each thrust. 

“Can you feel me here?” He asks, pressing into the skin under my belly button, making me squeal. “Jesus, you’re soaked,” He leans over me, then, my knees pressed to both of our chests as he grabs the back of my neck with his right hand, applying pressure to my pulse points. 

“Harder,” I cry out, as he slams into me, fingers squeezing tighter then moving around to my throat. 

“You like that, don’t you?” He teases as his hand grips a little tighter around my throat. I open my mouth to tell him I’m cumming but my orgasm washes over me in breathtaking waves. My hips continue to buck up against his as he grinds down into me until I feel his release inside of me. 

He falls to the side of me, pushing my hair away from my face and peppering the smallest of kisses down my cheek. My eyes flutter closed as I regulate my breathing.

“Hey.” He takes my face in his hands. “You’re right.” I open my mouth to tease him, because, yes. I know I am, but he smiles and beats me to it, clasping a hand over my mouth. “Don’t.” I smile under his hand and he kisses my forehead. “I wished her all the best and blocked her number right before your little stunt out there.” He confesses, reaching around me to turn off the bedside lamp. 

Masterlist

Taglist: @doodle417 @gvfrry @spicedandicedtea @yeehawbesties @samkiszkalover @gretavansteph @saoirsemaeve @mannick @theweightofjake @basiccortez @lallisonl @sammiejane22 @loofypoofy @sammyslappers @gretavanfleas @jakeyboiiiiiii @angelqueen99 @keighoe @myownparadise96 @gretavanbitches @kittykiszka @s0livagant @hallecat17 @aconfusedhippie @katie-gvf

#greta van fleet #gretavanfleet #sam kiszka #greta van smut #jake kiszka #greta van fleet fic #great van fic #jake gvf #greta van fleet fan fiction #great van fleet smut #sam gvf #sam kiszka x reader #sammy kiszka #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka x reader #sam kiszka smut #sammy gvf #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet fanfiction

[michellemisfit]

Weekly Tag Wednesday ✈️ Neeeooow Edition

Thanks for the tag @deedala @energievie @sam-loves-seb @mybrainismelted @sleepyfacetoughguy @guinguin1984

—---------------------------

Name: Michelle

Age: Old enough to know better

Location: My bed, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket

📍where are we going? I wanna say Cape Cod, but it’s -3 there right now, so fuck that. Australia it is! 🦘

📍whats the weather like there right now? 22•C (feels like 24), according to Google

📍are you an over-packer or a light-packer? Over-packer, though I have also been known to pack 12 bras but not bring any pants… though these days I keep very detailed lists and get Ruth to double check my packing multiple times!

📍are we taking a plane or a train? If you can find me a train, I’ll take it! Hahaha but no. Neeeooow all the way! ✈️

📍early morning departure or an overnight trip? If we’re going to Australia it’s gonna be all of it. Loooong travel. I’m gonna watch so many movie and my butt is gonna go so numb!!

📍what song are you playing in the car while we drive to catch our departure?

📍we need to grab something on the way, starbucks or dunkin? Fucking Dunkin’ Donuts. The last time I was in the states we stopped at a Dunkin for donuts and were informed that they didn’t have any donuts… like, wtf? And then we found out that they are phasing out selling donuts. Like, double wtf?!? So yeah, Starbucks all the way.

📍we've made it to the transportation place 🚂✈️! be honest, are we on-time or are we rushing because we're running late? Always early. I’d rather spend an extra 3 hours in an airport McDonalds than be late for a plane. I get travel anxiety.

📍are you taking the window seat or the aisle seat? I like the aisle seat for the freedom to pee when I want, without annoying someone else! (This is gonna be everyone’s answer, isn’t it? haha)

📍we're settled in our seats, are you gonna read or watch a movie/show? Bit of both. I do like getting my money’s worth in beverages and free movies, so I try and watch and consume as many as possible. But sometimes my ears hurt from too much earbud wearing, so I switch to reading for a bit. Then back to movies!

📍what are you reading/watching? Generally all the movies I thought ‘oh, might go and see that’ in the cinema and never did. And then as we get closer to landing I will swap to a movie I know inside out, because it will inevitably cut off before I get to the end.

📍are you using wireless or wired headphones? Wired. I don’t fuck with pods.

📍are you going to take a nap or stay awake? I can sleep pretty much anywhere, but I get overtired and twitchy anxious on planes, so I’m not the best airplane sleeper.

📍do you want a salty snack or a sweet snack? Salty snack 90% of the time. However I also like bringing my own selection of snacks, so I’m not held to the whims of the airplane company! lol

📍we've arrived! are we heading straight to activities or are we gonna rest at the hotel? I actually don’t mind. I’ve gone straight from airports to restaurants, concerts, plays etc and it’s been fine. Make the most of the day you’ve got and all that. Depends on how much luggage I’ve got though.

📍finally, pick a treat to reward yourself for a travel day well done! A nice looooong sleep in a comfy bed!!!

Tagging @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @jrooc @heymacy @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @juliakayyy @crossmydna @rutherinahobbit @rereadanon @redshirt2 @crestfallercanyon @creepkinginc @captainjowl @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @ian-galagher @iansfreckles @ohkate @faejilly @palepinkgoat @sickness-health-all-that-shit @look-i-love-u @francesrose3 @vintagelacerosette @gardenerian @lynne-monstr @notherenewjersey @mickeygifs @mikhailoisbaby come travel with me 🥰

#tag game Wednesday #Mys stuff #tag games #tag you’re it

[taraljc]

After the Hela episode of What If...?, I rewatched Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings and it is exactly as delightful as I remembered it being and I really really I'm going to be pissed off if we don't get another Shang-Chi film soon. like I could give a fuck about the Kang Dynasty but I definitely want to see Shang and Katy figuring out cosmic shit with Wong.

Speaking of Wong and that tag, one of my favourite running gags continues to be Carol desperately trying to avoid being press ganged into the Avengers or even being Avengers adjacent. The whole 'Bruce has got my number,' and Bruce responding 'I do not. I do not have her number. She does this a lot.'

(I do however absolutely believe that she and King Valkyrie are low-key dating.)

And just imagining how much Kamala is going to force her to interact with the world now that she is actually moved out of her spaceship and back into the Rambeau house until Monica gets back brings me such delight and especially I would like to know when Sam is going to show up to be neighbourly.

Cos you know it is only going to take about 15 seconds before Sarah lets him know that the grapevine has already been going crazy with another Avenger in NOLA. And Carol would be like how did you even find out and Kamala be like 'that would be me I posted on Instagram I'm by the way totally managing your fan page unofficially on Instagram and I didn't post the address of your house or anything' when in fact she totally geotagged a selfie like from the backyard.

I also love that despite Jersey City being as far away from New Orleans as you can be in many ways, the Khan family has accepted Carol as one of their own and helped her unpack and probably do a bunch of stuff that she had no idea how to do like get the electricity and phone and water and gas switched over to her name so she could pay them and she's like I have no money and Nick Fury face-palming like I will get you money.

(And the whole flashback with Maria being like so you need to take the cat and she's like oh no no no no we have had this discussion as if the cat is sort of their adopted child that they share custody of which I completely understand because lemon sharks and I share custody of Flynn and thank God Flynn does not have the ability to eat an entire cargo shipment and then throw it up a week later on the carpet.)

anyway I'm going to be seriously pissed off if Monica Rambeau is just written off being in a different Earth in the multiverse and we never get to see her and Sam meet. That will make me very very angry and I would like that not to happen, and I want to have faith I really do. But I do not entirely have faith? there has been a small lack of faith. especially when The Marvels did just fine and yet is being declared a huge box office bomb when it did the same numbers as other movies that were considered modest successes. It's like not every superhero movie needs to be a gigantic tent pole movie that brings in a hundred bajillion dollars some of them are just ladies road trip movies that happened to take place in space.

#shang chi #the marvels #carol danvers #kamala khan

[ladyvaderpixetc]

your top 15 favourite tv shows can say a lot about your personality

Tagged by the epically fab @lolahardy

this genuinely kept me awake a bit last night until I realised what was happening and stopped trying to recall every show that ever struck me right in the feels or shaped me lol and yes, I know no one asked for any reasoning behind it but when you've mulled it over all bloody day long, you feel like sharing :P

M*A*S*H - used to be on everyday at 7 and my mum had adored it when she was younger so brought me and my sister up on it, still makes me laugh and cry to this day.

Star Trek TNG (& Picard which might be cheating but really is just an extension all told) - loved all the Trek's, Honourable Mention goes to ToS because kid!me loved it so much, only to have TNG blow the roof off my head. Lt Cmdr Data was my first love and I am unashamed ;)

Red Dwarf - for many reasons but mainly Arnold Rimmer (more reliable than a garden Strimmer, he's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner - he's not bald and his head doesn't glimmer...) who my teenage self was certain could be redeemed with the power of love, or a very determined snogging if nowt else.

The Good Place - because I (and many of us) needed it as a concept, whether for personal growth, coping with grief or just cos 'forking shirtballs' never gets any less funnier for me.

Firefly - the best show to ever be cancelled before it's writer could ruin it. I adored the show and the ensuing film, mourned its early cancellation for YEARS until I heard about Whedon's general twattishness and what had been his intentions for the series and characters, now am happy it exists as it is, still problematic but so worthy in so many ways, and on that awkward note...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - problematic on 800 gazillion levels in this day and age but still a forerunner of many awesome things to follow and I'd be lying if I said I hadnt been glued to it, obsessed with it, shipping folks, dling the soundtrack, buying the jewelry etc and even now if I see a reaction vid on YT for S5 I can't help myself but watch and weep along with them.

Merlin (BBC) - Umm'd and Ahh'd over this for bloody ages lol but it was my happy place (literally, had a run of bad years as have we all, so I'd watch an ep before bed every night to make me smile) and it got me through the difficulties I had right up to the finale where they took me and my happy place out back and shot it in the face in front of me lol. Despite my escapism route being put down in those heinous raw weeks immediately following a parents funeral, I'm still listing it here for being wonderful, silly, heartening and heartbreaking, whilst giving every last Fuck You to the writers for their surprise, abruptly canon-compliant ending.

Stargate SG1 - daft sci fi with it's heart trying hard to be in the right place plus eminently shippable characters in almost every combo going? Yes, please.

Heroes - because I was OBSESSED. It picked me up out of my OTP in a diff fandom (sorry drarry, I still love you honest) drained me of any and all urge to write for anything but them ever again until it got shat on by its own writers, breaking the spell.

Brooklyn 99 - NINE-NINE. *sadly doffs cap to Captain Holt*

King of the Hill - from a show I used to avoid when I was younger to one I ration myself viewswise so it won't lose it's impact. Superb.

Schitts Creek - only watched due to encountering a clip on tumblr of Moira's stonefaced manaical laughter and ended up crying with happiness over the finale, am an easy crier sure, but not normally because something is just so lovely.

Cheers - was only a kid when it finished but I bawled my face off when Sam said 'sorry, we're closed' (was too young to know it'd be repeated ad infinitum lol) and the opening theme still feels like coming home.

Golden Girls - sole reason D+ gets any money from me, the bastards, it was my only access for a bit there but it was worth it, lightyears ahead of it's time and just wonderful to boot.

Parks & Rec - somewhere my sister is elated with no clue why. Took her years to talk me into it, but having watched it on repeat a few times, I now can't live without Leslie, Ben & Ron.

Other honourable mentions (sorry I know, longpost, my bad) go to Quantum Leap for being a daily delight growing up, What We Do in the Shadows which would have made the list but I've only just got around to watching it and am only on S3 so have yet to find out if it's going to rip my heart out, Eerie Indiana for getting me started hyperfixationwise, Caroline in the City (S1-S3... S4? I don't know her - no seriously, I didnt realise for YEARS it didnt end at S3 and as this purported S4 fucked that up [supposedly] yeah I don't know her), The XFiles for my first actual foray into fandom & fanfic, and I know am missing another gazillion shows I'll remember later that seem much more worldshaping than these and I'll gnash my teeth lol so yeah *waves hand vaguely towards future me's frustrated rememberings* them too ;)

Tagging a) anyone who fancies a go should they feel like it, and b) [no pressure natch] @theangrykimchi @amazinmango @thesaltofcarthage @buckydunpun @kalika999 @gracerene @helaheim @dls-ao3 @emorgan5061 @bananaempanada

#favourite tv shows #long post #sorry lol

[kassiekole22]

Supermassive Questions Game!!!

Hi, guys! So I decided to make this game because I always really love hearing other people's thoughts and opinions on these games. If you want, be sure to tag your friends to keep this going! 😃

I'll go first, but I'll place a blank one under mine for the people who play after me. Have fun! 🖤 (Also, explanations to answers are optional.)

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Games You've Played (In Order): House Of Ashes, The Quarry, The Devil In Me, Until Dawn.

Favorite Game: Until Dawn (Great writing, amazing twists, loveable characters is what did it for me.)

Least Favorite Game: The Quarry (The fact that relationship decisions don't actually amount to anything, any little bearing we got was pointless and we got fuck all of an ending just makes me feel like the whole thing is pointless.)

Favorite Character From Each Game: Josh, Jason, Abi, Erin.

Least Favorite Character From Each Game: Emily, Rachel, Emma, Charlie.

Favorite Character Overall: Josh (Possibly just me being biased. 😂 But I do love his character and story a lot though — especially his humor. And I'm a sucker for a tragic story as well. 😂)

Least Favorite Character Overall: Charlie (Just an overall dick, in my opinion. And he annoyed the absolute hell out of me.)

Favorite Ships:

Chris and Ashley (Just fucking adorable! 💖)

Mike and Sam (They had great chemistry and I really enjoyed seeing them together in the last chapter.)

Matt and Jess (There is something about these two together that just... Works for me, y'know?)

Rachel and Clarice (Clarice just seemed to bring out the good in Rachel. That scene with just the two was the only time I actually liked Rachel in the game.)

Erin and Jamie (There was something about those two that was just so cute. And the part where they kiss for the first time melted my damn heart! The whole soft cinnamon roll/tough bitch dynamic gets me a lot too. 😂)

Least Favorite Ships:

Chris and Josh (Chris was head over heels for Ashley and Josh was CLEARLY very into girls so I don't really get it that much.)

Josh and Sam (Yeaaaaaaaah... They are just like water and oil, ok? I don't think they would actually mix well as a couple. 😂 And Sam belongs with Mike anyway. 💖)

Emily and Jess (Just not a fan. I don't know why.)

Jason and Salim (Another one I don't get that much. I used to ship them a long time ago because it was so popular, but then I realized that it just didn't make much sense to me so I stopped. I mean, one of the chapters about them is literally called "Brothers" so that just makes me think that that's the relationship the devs were aiming for with those two.)

Rachel and Eric/Rachel and Nick (If you played the game, you know my reasons. 😂)

Any characters with Du'met (Just not a really big fan of it at all. Doesn't make much sense to me neither.)

(I've only played Until Dawn, House Of Ashes, The Quarry and The Devil In Me. So that's why the list is without other ships from other games. But I'm not adding any of The Quarry ships to this list because it seemed like nothing came out of the relationship decisions and I didn't enjoy the characters as much so I tend to ignore ships from that game.Also, no hate towards the people who ship the ones I listed as least favorite. To each their own.)

Dr. Hill Or The Curator Or Eliza: Hmmmmmm... Probably Dr. Hill. (He was more creatively written than the others, in my opinion.)

Wolfie Or Connie: Fuck, I should have thought this through before writing it down. 🤣 Although I LOVE Connie with all my heart, Wolfie did get more screentime which led me to have a bit more of an attachment to him. So I'll have to go with Wolfie.

And most importantly—

Favorite Version Of O'Death: The Dark Pictures Anthology theme for sure!

Least Favorite Version Of O'Death: Though I didn't play the games, I heard the ones for Man Of Medan and Little Hope and I just wasn't a fan.

So those are my answers! I hope you guys have as much fun as I did doing this. And also, no hate towards the people who like the games/characters/ships that I don't. To each their own. 💖

So anyway, the blank one is down below. ⬇️

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Games You've Played:

Favorite Game:

Least Favorite Game:

Favorite Character From Each Game:

Least Favorite Character From Each Game:

Favorite Character Overall:

Least Favorite Character Overall:

Favorite Ships:

Least Favorite Ships:

Dr. Hill Or The Curator Or Eliza:

Wolfie Or Connie:

And most importantly—

Favorite Version Of O'Death:

Least Favorite Version Of O'Death:

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#supermassive games #dark pictures anthology #until dawn #the quarry #man of medan #little hope #house of ashes #the devil in me #tag game

[aro-pancake-writes]

I finished it!

(almost) everything I wanted to say to Lillian. It's finally done!

Happening during Matters of the Hart, so some mild spoilers for it.

Tw: violence, deadnaming, language.

Truths to the Heart

"We don't have time to ask for backup." Lillian says, and Charlie gets up from their seat in a rage.

From the first time Sam told them about her, Charlie knew they wouldn't like her, but they put up their good face and deflect the subject.

But this is the end of their patience for that woman.

Cora stands at the door to the bridge, ready to butt in on Sam and Lillian's argument. Charlie sees her, and goes straight to her.

"Here kiddo, take this, go to my quarters and close the doors." They give her a music player and send her off. There's no argument as she understands that things are about to get ugly here.

They wait for the door to the bridge to close before stepping between Sam and Lillian.

"Enough." Charlie says, pushing Lillian away from Sam. "You, shut your hypocrite hole." They point at Lillian, anger stewing in their voice. "Sam, darling," they turn to him, calm and with a gentle smile, "I love you, and please don't be mad at me."

He looks at them confused for a second, as Charlie turns back to Lillian.

"Lils, dearest," they make their best overly sweet voice and put on a large smile, "don't you fucking dare to say shit."

"What do you know?" She scowls at them, crossing her arms ready for a fight. "And you can't call me that."

"It's my ship. I'll call you whatever the fuck I want to call you." It's becoming harder to maintain the smile. "If you want to not call backup, as per your own sayings, we'll drop Cora by at New Atlantis."

"We don't have the time! The Syndicate will–" Charlie cuts her off by raising a finger, smile dying as they stand up taller.

"Then you won't ever again bother us for taking Cora along. You won't ever again say anything about her tagging along. Ever." Lillian opens and closes her mouth like a fish. "You'll shut up until I drop you off back on Neon, so you can try to gaslight and bullshit your way out of any future trouble you get yourself into, but not in my ship."

"Who are you to say anything about how I parent? Do you have any ideas of the sacrifices I've made for her?" Charlie laughs. A good hearty laugh, like Lillian just told them the funniest joke ever.

"Sacrifices? Parenting?" They manage to say between laughs. "You don't know the meaning of the words."

"I was called out for reading Dumas by my colleagues, for heaven's sake." She tries, and Charlie manages to stop laughing.

"A sacrifice is stopping my own deep cover work to get rid of the Crimson Fleet to come and save your ass from the small fry, because Cora asked me to." They say, taking a step towards her. "A sacrifice is having you here because Cora was worried about you. I've been with her for less than a month, and I've been her parent more than you ever bothered to be in twelve years." There's a snarl, and Lillian looks terrified.

"Charlie, please, that's enough." Sam places a hand on their shoulder, making them stop. "She heard enough."

"No." Lillian says, bearing that cocky smile that Charlie wants to punch out of her face. "Let's hear what your new sweetheart has to say, Sammy."

How much more shit can come out of one person's mouth?

"What about the fact that you claim to want a professional distance from your coworkers, to the point where Jaylen doesn't know your daughter's name, but he knows everything about me and my accomplishments, that were sent to you by Cora?" They remember the way Sam was treated at the Neon Ranger post.

"What are you talking about? I talk plenty about my kid!" She tries, but Charlie ain't buying. "And so what I mentioned the stranger my daughter seems to like more than me? It's embarrassing!"

"EMBARRASSING?" Charlie shouts, anger taking over their senses. "Embarrassing is claiming you put your neck out to save someone, but doing it for your own selfish purposes. Is bailing on your daughter every time she tries to see you and then complaining that she likes someone else, who is actually there for her, better than you."

Lillian jumps at Charlie, going for a hit on their stomach. They manage to dodge and she slips, but doesn't fall.

"You just got here, Charlotte!" She screams, turning to come back at Charlie and hitting a punch to their face. "You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"I know what is going on." They smile, ignoring the blatant use of their given name and cleaning out blood from their nose. "Your priorities are anywhere but where they actually should be." Lillian turns for another punch, and Charlie lets her hit. "You're scared of accepting that you fucked up, so you hide behind your work!"

The third punch has them falling on their butt. Lillian jumps at the opportunity to sit on their waist and hold them down.

Sam's frozen in the back, unsure if he should try to remove Lillian from Charlie and draw the fire to himself or let Charlie deal with the situation, as he's well aware that they can. No one calls them “Charlotte” and gets away unpunished. Be it ignoring Walter until he uses Charlie, or leaving a good bruise if the person still insists on the name. But Lillian using the name makes him worry. They're already throwing fists. And Lillian's use was deliberate. With the intent of insulting and hurting them.

Charlie lets Lillian punch them, barely defending themselves. It's almost like they want the punishment for everything they're saying.

"You know that you lost Sam the moment Cora was born." Charlie continues, despite Lillian's barrage at them. "You lost your hold on him. The idea of love that you gave him. And now, that he's moving on, that someone else wants what you didn't want, you're angry. Because if you can't have him, no one can." They had enough of her, so they activate their powers, canceling gravity where they stand.

They watch as Lillian floats helplessly, while they're still grounded.

"How in the blazes–" the effect ends before she can finish her question, and she falls flat on the floor.

"Lillian, leave. Go find something else to do." Sam says, helping Charlie to their chair. He's cold, holding his own anger back. Lillian may have been offended, but it still didn't justify her attack on Charlie.

"I'm not leaving until we get to the Syndicate hideout." Lillian gets up, cleaning her jacket and standing there as if she didn't just beat someone up.

"Leave us alone." He says again, and she finally gets the message, grumbling all the way out of the bridge.

"It looks worse than it is." Sam kneels before Charlie, picking up a first aid kit and making them look up so he can see the injuries. There'll be some light bruising, but nothing a medpack can't fix. "But you didn't have to push that much, Charlie. Not if it ends up with you getting hurt like this."

"I had to." They say, licking at where their lip broke and a drop of blood spills out. "I couldn't stand the way she talked to you. Or how she thinks that the minimum effort is a massive sacrifice. For you and Cora."

"And that last thing you said?" He offers them a light smile. "You want me?"

Charlie looks everywhere but at him. If their face wasn't hurting so much, they'd probably be all smiles and blushes.

"Only if you want to try." Too late to not tell the truth. "I've been interested since we got that Artifact."

"Charlie," he takes a deep breath, cleaning a bad wound on their temple and adding a bandage, "why didn't you say anything before?"

They can't hold back the tears, not anymore. It's been something that they kept bubbling up since Akila.

"Because you only ever talked about her." Charlie gathers the courage and looks at his eyes. "I was there, flirting, trying to hide away that it bothered me. And every other word you said was about her. Praising her at every turn. I said it the first time that I was jealous, and it was true." They take his hand, making him stop.

"She's a good–"

"A good ranger, I know." Charlie tries to remain calm. "But she's an awful person, Sam. I'm not changing my mind on that. You said it yourself that she dismissed you, your feelings. And now that we're getting close, that I'm close to Cora, she wants back in. Even if not… romantically, if you don't feel the same way I do." That last part hurts, but it has to be said.

"I'll put an end to it, for good." He leans closer to them, cupping their face with his calloused hands. Charlie wants to feel safe, confident in his promise. "No more talking of Lillian. We'll finish this, get rid of her, and we can talk, ok?"

They nod lightly, taking a medpack that he offers them to get rid of the worse of the bruising.

Maybe, Charlie thinks, there's still hope for them to be together.

#sam coe #spacefarer x sam coe #starfield #starfield sam coe #coemancer #starfield fanfiction #lillian hart hate club #sam coe x player #matters of the hart spoilers