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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS | A CAMP NANO 2021 (RE)-INTRO

CONTENT WARNINGS: death of a parent, classism, anti-autistic ableism, mental illness, trauma, light adult content (nothing explicit)

Genre: literary fiction, contemporary, new adult, ?????, who knows :)

POV: third person present, split POV

Setting: Sheffield, UK. 2020 but i am simply pretending there is no pandemic

Camp Nano Goal: 15,000

Deals With: parental trauma, death, sexuality + gender identity, anti-autistic ableism, classism, complicated family dynamics, the “help i’m in my last year of university and i don’t know what i’m fucking doing or who i am” mood, chloe talks shit about the uk + uk gov for ~80k words straight

The Vibes: rainy days, empty streets at night, libraries at 3am, house parties you shouldn’t be at, misty mornings, highlighter stains, cheap alcohol, city skylines, countryside views, going to big tesco/aldi just to feel something :(

Summary: Thomas’ father died over summer and he doesn’t know how to tell his housemates. Instead, he hides in the IC library or the Botanical Gardens or West Street clubs and decides that he is a blank canvas, and that his trauma can stay with his family in Rotterdam. (it’s not that easy)

Kristen likes to pretend that Uni will last forever. He likes to pretend a lot of things: that nobody will look at him differently when they learn he’s autistic, that people will understand his relationship with gender, that his family isn’t hiding secrets from him about his mother. (it’s not that easy)

Junie thought coming out would come with all the answers. But she only has new questions: what does “lesbian” mean for her? Who is she beyond that? How does she find her place in amongst people who experience the world so differently to her? (it’s not that easy)

Literal Logline: girl help i am still attached to OCs i made in 2013-2016

So if you’ve been following me a while (I say as my blog is only seven months old), you may remember a little wip I introduced here named Patchwork, a new adult novel that dealt with the messy experience that is trying to figure out what it means to be an adult when you’re plunged into the fast-paced adult world of university. That story has always been very close to my heart but it was difficult to progress on because:

I was working on it whilst going through ~the worst time of my life at university~. My second year was already awful before the pandemic started, and the pandemic just made it worse, and since this story is so inherently connected to my own experiences at university I couldn’t work on it whilst dealing with all of that. I’m currently taking the year off until things calm down and I think it’s the perfect chance to sit back and reflect on those experiences, and I think writing this novel would help

I simply was not ready for it! Drafting Revelations, Revelations has really refreshed my perception on novels because it’s taught me that I suit slow-paced, plot-light, discovery written novels the best and the original plan for this novel was way too plot heavy because I thought that’s what I had to do. But it’s not!

But! Whilst this novel and myself needed a lot of growth before I could think about drafting it, I’m at a point where I do feel ready to return to it. I think drafting Revelations, Revelations especially has given me the confidence I needed because I! Really tried to hard to give a heavy plot to this novel initially and I’ve since realised that I work best with slower novels that are really just a snapshot of people’s lives and their emotional growth. I also am at a point where, whilst I know not being there is the best thing right now, I miss University so so so much and I miss pre-pandemic University like I miss lecture halls and cafes and house parties and library all nighters so much it’s unreal!! This novel is practically a love letter to the year I lost as well as calling out the absolutely awful way the UK government has treated University students both before and during this pandemic. I was actually originally going to set this in the pandemic, because I think there are so many conversations that need to be had about the handling of it in this country but I also don’t think I am Ready for that (and I really just want my characters to be able to go outside lol). I think Camp Nano is the perfect kickstart to actually work on this novel because I now know just need to start writing rather than worry about ~plot~ - my plan is to just pants the fuck out of 15000 words and see where the story goes! I probably won’t return to it until I finish drafting Revelations, Revelations, but I appreciate the chance to get a head start + a little break from RR that I think will be needed by April

The biggest and most important change going into this however is: all three protagonists are autistic! I see a lot of posts about how to write autistic characters on here, but I think I’ve only seen one or two stories that actually had an autistic protagonist (if you have a contemporary and/or literary wip with one please please tag me in it! I really want more autistic rep and I want autistic rep from non autistic people too) and, as an autistic, I decided that I Will Simply Create It. All three characters have their own unique relationship with their autism and I am super excited to have a story that can explicitly navigate that whilst it’s not all the story is about, it is an important element as it shapes how our narrators see the world. And whilst there is anti-autistic sentiment they have to deal with, it’s not at the centre of their narratives or autistic stories. They are just autistic and existing and that’s not always easy but it’s ultimately what makes them who they are and they wouldn’t change it for the world. Being autistic is a wonderful thing! I love being autistic! I also would love to talk more about autistic rep on here (unfortunately relevant thanks to a certain movie): my biggest frustration is that it is SO clear that mainstream autistic rep is not actually for us. It perpetuates harmful ideas and only serves as inspiration porn for neurotypicals. They frame our condition on how it impacts others and don’t consult us or let us tell our own stories and pretend we’re all cis white verbal boys with bad social skills. I am only one autistic person, and I cannot write for everyone in the community (please make sure you are listening to and supporting all sorts of autistic people!), but I hope that telling a story influenced by my own will not only help myself but others - and maybe help out any of you that aren’t autistic and are looking to write autistic rep.

The main characters haven’t changed much, but a little re-intro :)

Thomas

studies psychology

bisexual disaster

panic attack! in the library cafe

wannabe plant dad (one of them is named monty :) will monty survive?)

looks like he’d invite you to watch pulp fiction in his dorm but he’s probably never seen it and his favourite movie is probably like. ratatouille

taking italian classes to cope

Junie

studies psychology

16 year old chloe made a pretty girl oc and was like hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me and here we are

bakes to cope

the BEST fashion

lets go on an adventure :) -screams in the forest-

she’s done your birth chart and she is NOT happy

Kristen

studies english and music

the way i literally can’t let go of this bastard and it’s been 8 years

former emo kid who never really got over it

BEST party playlists

often found in the kitchen at 4am making cinnamon rolls

unsupervised access to the internet as a child

i have no taglist for this, but like with NaNoWriMo, i’ll likely do a dedicated taglist for Camp Nano updates and we’ll see where it goes from there! As I said I likely will take a long break from this story after April until I finish drafting Revelations, Revelations, so the taglist will just be for Camp Nano, but I’m excited to spend a month getting to know it and sharing that with y’all so if you’d like to me on a taglist for this, let me know! <3

#i promise my next novel wont be third person present split pov but it is <3 so good <3 #wip intro #amwriting #writeblr #atlastracking #LCOMS #once again i am making a post at 5am and i am also autistic so ignore typos pls <3

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spnfanficpond · 3 years

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Pond Diving - Imagineteamfreewill

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Meg

Age: 20s

Location: United States

URL: @imagineteamfreewill

Why did you choose your URL: I first started out structuring my stories as imagines, and the “Team Free Will” part was pretty obvious.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading Supernatural fanfiction inspired me to get back into writing, but I’ve always enjoyed it. My mom likes to talk about how when I was in Kindergarten, I drew a picture about how I wanted to be an author and now I write in my free time.

How long have you been writing: According to tumblr, I’ve been writing fanfiction since 2014, but I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I’m a music teacher, so I sing and play piano, and I’ve played a bit of cello and tenor saxophone as well. I love movies, baking, sleeping, and a few video games.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I joined sometime around Season 8 or 9, I think. I don’t really remember!

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I really enjoy Marvel and I’ve read a lot of Marvel fics, but I don’t write for them. I like a lot of TV shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, Outlander, etc), but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I love to write poetry. I had a poetry blog at truenorth-ink a while ago, but I haven’t updated it recently at all. Most of my poems aren’t published or posted anywhere.

Favorite published author: I love some of the early series by Rick Riordan and I also really enjoy poetry by Nikita Gill and Atticus. Lately, I've really been getting into Leigh Bardugo's books.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: I think "East" by Edith Pattou really affected me! I read it when I was in 6th-8th grade and I think about it often. I think it's something that really stuck with me and got me interested in fantasy books so much. I read it at least once a year.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I love angsty stuff, and most of the time I prefer it when it has some fluff mixed in. Straight fluff is often hard for me to read because I need something that’s more realistic for my own life and point of view. I also really like whump, but that can be a lot sometimes so it depends on my mood.

Favorite piece of your own writing: I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I loved writing Back to the Start (my mermaid series) and The Switch (a canon-divergent apocalyptic Reader x Sam series). Right now, I'm really enjoying my Consort series (a Goddess!Reader x Dean series). Creating my own rules in my own little universes is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I can’t always do whatever I want in real life.

Most underrated fic you have written: Empire. I loved getting to write Boyking!Sam because it was so different from my normal Sam stories and I did a lot of research for it. I’m pretty proud that the story never got too bloody or gory, too, so if you want some Boyking!Sam that’s not drenched in blood (for lack of a better term), I’m your girl!

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Probably Back to the Start or The Switch. I think those two series would be amazing to see with J2, the rest of the cast/characters I included, and special effects! There’s so much I’d want to explore with both of them that I didn’t put into the series.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @sunlightdances, @supernaturalfreewill, @lipstickandwhiskey, @smol-and-grumpy, @percywinchester27, and @kaz2y5-imagines

Favorite fic from another writer: I don’t think I could pick just one, but I’ve read all of @sunlightdances Dean fics multiple times. Her works got me through some pretty sucky times in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of her writing! I’ve also been reading her Bucky fics recently and it’s made me love Marvel fics even more than before!

Favorite character to write: Sam Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write: Reader x Sam (Reader x Dean is a close second)

Least favorite character to write (and why): I don’t like to write for Crowley or Gabriel. Gadreel is hard for me even though I can do it, but I don’t understand Crowley or Gabriel’s personalities at all because they’re literally so far away from mine.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? No, although @lipstickandwhiskey and @kaz2y5-imagines really encouraged me in my writing!

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I would love to write a non-Supernatural work of fiction to publish, but that’s a long way off.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Oh Lord, I have so many! I have at least four series and two one shots in the works right now. I've also got over 100 one shots/series plotlines written out in the notes on my phone and various Google Docs.

What are you currently working on? I’m currently working on a Cinderella series, my Underworld series, my Puer Rex series, my Consort series, an Author!Sam fic, and an Author!Dean fic. I also write stories for my Words series now and again.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Reading other people’s work. The intense storylines of @luci-in-trenchcoats ’s fics have gotten me to be more bold with my writing and the emotions and description in @supernaturalfreewill’s works have inspired me to let my work have more feeling.

Best writing advice you've been given: Not necessarily writing advice, but I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing at least a little bit every day. Think about it—if you wrote even just five minutes a day, how much better will you get over the course of a month? A year?

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Repetition of words and commas. So many commas and so many uses of the same word over and over again. It’s a hard balance between using the word and using synonyms without sounding like I’m sitting there googling synonyms for “said”. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things that I think are super important but aren’t really important in the long run. I’m wordy as hell and my writing would be dull if I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I do.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? A lot of times I have these ideas that I think would make a great series but I don’t think through them, so planning out the plot of a series (or even a standalone fic) beforehand is something I struggle with.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I would love to write more fics that have the characters dealing with severe mental disorders or that take place in a mental hospital, but I’m afraid that I’ll portray something wrong and solidify harmful stereotypes about what it’s like to deal with those things.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, just wanting to write things that I enjoy. Sometimes I get sick of reading other peoples’ stuff since it’s not exactly what I want, so I just write my own!

How do you deal with self doubt: Understand that sometimes it happens. You’ll doubt yourself—everybody does. If I’m doubting myself or my writing, I’ll take a break until I remember why I write. Then I’ll remember that yeah, writing for an audience is fun, but I write because I have cool ideas I want to explore, not because I need the attention or love of strangers. Lastly, I’ll reread my old fics, especially the ones I love, and then I’ll go back and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. That way I can see how I’ve improved and I don’t feel so terrible anymore! Reading my own fics is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I’ll read through my masterlists every once a while just to remind myself of the things I’ve loved, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

How do you deal with writer's block: Like I said, I reread old fics and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. Seeing the things I’ve done before always helps to focus me. I’ll also read other people’s stuff or talk about headcanons with some friends to try and find some inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Lately I have been, but only because my periods of intense inspiration and productivity are getting farther and farther apart because of my job. I’ve found planning it out to be more and more helpful, especially for my series. A lot of times if I get a great idea, I’ll outline the whole plot or any significant details I want to put in that one shot/series so that I can come back to it whenever I have the time or I’m inspired for it again.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I write best in places that are unfamiliar to me or in places/times where I shouldn’t be writing. Class? Writing. Airport terminal? Writing. 4am when I have to be up at 6? Writing.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? Not that I remember! I feel like there’s probably been one or two over the years, but I probably just got upset about it with my friends for a while and then got over it.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? A long time ago, when I was writing Back to the Start, I had one person who sent me asks for every single series update. I screenshotted them and saved them on my laptop. There’s one particular one where they say that they’re happier because of my writing and honestly, isn’t that what we all strive for? That people’s lives are better because of our stories? I’ve also had some pretty great friends recently who’ve made it a point to reblog and send asks/messages on all my works, which has been so meaningful that I never replied to the asks. They’re sitting in my inbox and I go through and reread them sometimes when I’m feeling down.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Write down everything. If you come up with an amazing piece of dialogue, even if it’s just one sentence or one person talking, or if you come up with something you’d think would be a great title… WRITE IT DOWN. It doesn’t matter if it fits into whatever you’re currently writing or not, it’ll come in handy! I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through my idea list and found really obscure lines/titles/inspiration that didn’t make sense when I wrote them down, but are now exactly what I need to finish a fic. Even if you don’t end up using it, jotting down your ideas is still writing, and that’s good practice!

#pond diving #spnfanficpond

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exosmutfactory · 3 years

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Hi! I’ve been reading a lot of your works and supporting your writing endeavors! I just wanted to have a few questions because I’m a lil confused 🥺 is this blog run by two people? 🥺 just saw your aff post and I wasn’t suddenly sure whether this is one person running a blog 👀

And for the second question I just wanted to ask if you could maybe share how do you usually outline/plot your stories? Esp 6P since they are loooong and obviously you did sneaky stuff in each chapter that will now make it all crumble on us.. love it so much!! ❤️❤️

Hello, hello!~ 🥺 Thank you so much for the support, dear, I appreciate it a lot 💗💗💗 I'm Nisa and this is my tumblr blog. Jenny has her own @jenny-udinov but she doesn't use it often like I do with mine 😊💞 I’m the only one who runs this account~

We both post our stories under candyfizzbyun on aff, and she has her own account there as well. Aff has that cool co-author feature that allows us both to edit stories from our own accounts.

Plotting stories... this will be a bit long, I apologize in advance 💖

Plotting stories, for me, takes a long time in the present, but saves time in the future. In my earliest years of writing I had this “act first, ask questions later” routine that ended up with me losing sight of the plot halfway through from lack of planning. Now I plan every square inch of plot for my stories. It saves me time and future heartache from incomplete projects.

Stories are born from two (2) scenarios.

1) Music

I live for music. No matter if I understand the language or not, I can get a good feel for the mood and tone of music, which leads me into the second scenario

2) Emotions

More likely than not, I dream up a new story idea, whether awake or when I’m asleep, particularly when I’m in my most vulnerable moments. It always starts with emotion when it happens this way. I vividly dream through a scene, sometimes I’m the protagonist, sometimes I’m watching from a bird’s eye view.

In either case, the emotions felt through those characters are fleeting. If I don’t write it down the second I wake up, it will be lost forever. So what do I do? At this point, (with 2 years of Six Phases under my belt... hi 12am-4am perfect writing time,) I’ve trained my subconscious to wake me up the moment a scene ends so I can type it into a doc - which leads to lack of sleep, but it’s always worth it.

Now on to what helps me not only plot a story and all its major events, but write the details.

(This applies to my chaptered fanfics more than my one-shots - but even those have their plots too):

Every story needs a playlist

The main characters must have a backstories

The side characters all need individual personalities

Got two main characters that hate each other? Great! Turn that into a bittersweet romance.

Need a fresh new type of OC? Okay! Play around with different traits. Make the readers love some, hate some, and not know what to do with others.

I always try to make my fictional stories contain “real” characters that all face their own hardships. Yes, I love to keep plots engaging and complex, which now leads me into talking about the story I adore with all my heart:

Six Phases

This story was supposed to be short. Just a little thing I wanted to write to show my gratitude to the masterpiece that is City Lights. 6 songs. I wasn’t even aiming for 10k back in July 2019. Yet I found myself making my first ever story playlist and pulling an all-nighter to write a 5k+ 1st chapter.

Phew... would you believe me if I said that it was love at first sight? Or more like listen?

“Betcha, we were destiny, I’m gonna getcha.”

That album speaks to my soul. And thanks to it, Riley and Baekhyun were born.

I won’t go into full details in fear of writing 12 pages 😅 I plan to make a post about everything when I complete the story, (which is almost done!~ One more update to go!~) But here’s some “juicy” info...

Six Phases is inspired by:

Baekhyun’s City Lights

Ariana Grande’s discography

Riley is a free spirit just looking to get through college, and Baekhyun is that playboy millionaire that knocks her world off-center. But just as bad as he has tipped her out of scale, he’s now flying out of orbit too.

They come together, they clash; they kiss, they fight; they love, they hate. And the worst part is, if it wasn’t for Baekhyun’s past, they could be perfect together.

Honestly, the most direct answer is that the up & down complexity of their relationship is based on a bunch of true stories. :’D Relationships are not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes you love someone so much it hurts, and to hurt them is to hurt yourself too.

All the side characters have their importance in this, (painstakingly,) intertwined story, and, really, if you think this is a lot of details to pay attention to, just wait for what comes next 🤭🤭😇😇😇

Six Phases comes straight from the heart... I feel every scene. That’s why it takes forever to be updated. I’m so happy that I didn’t delete it as I wanted to a year ago and kept going, and I’m so happy that you love it so much 💗💗💗

Also... 🤭 did you hear the news? Six Phases is... becoming... a...

series.

#asks #Six Phases #I love this story with all my soft heart #🌸💗#Hope this helps!#Thank you for stopping by lovely~

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slexenskee · 3 years

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Hi! I know your super busy and probably won't have time to answer this but I'm a new fanfic writer and I wanted to ask for advice. I enjoy your works and writing and I am so desperately looking forward to when you update and you put me headfirst into the MDZS fandom and I just thought you would be a good person to ask. I would love to know more about your process and tips you have for writing dialogue, also if you can let me know what your pet peeves are about a fic. Thank you!

<33333333 Hiiii first of all sorry for dragging you down into the pit of MDZS misery with me it is a long way back to the surface 😅 but second of all omg of course I’ll try my best to be useful but tbh my writing process could clearly use some work since its so fleeting and unreliable rip also I’ll try to organize this into something that’s not just a total brain dump so uhh

1) Honestly I really think the key to getting better at writing is to just keep doing it, so if that’s your goal find ways to make that happen. I think any writer on here will tell you the first story they ever posted online/wrote was hot garbage, myself included. You get better the more you do it. I reblogged this post here that said something like ‘knowing an author on AO3 is like attending their thesis and clapping politely and knowing them on tumblr is watching them make sad noises and eat mayonnaise at 4am’ (it’s somewhere on my blog lol) and IT’S SO TRUE. AO3 quality is nuts, and even I get stuck in this mindset where I’m like ‘ooof my next chapter isn’t good enough/this story I’m writing isn’t good enough’ and then I get lost in this downward cycle of dwindling motivation. I try VERY hard not to write things for the sake of posting them, because then I focus too much on quality and not enough on the joy of writing, and also get way too caught up in whether people like it or not. I have probably 500 docs in my google docs and, like, how many stories up on Ao3?? A lot of these docs are just scenes or premises that struck my interest, less than >500 words sometimes, likely never to be finished - that doesn’t make them any less important to you or to your writing!! Fml this was way too long haha TLDR just keep writing; write for the sake of writing, because you like it, because you have an idea/plot/scene that won’t leave your head!

Also, make a journal or word doc of related words. I also use thesaurus for this, but like your brain only has so much recall capability and yes if you read and write all the time it will expand a lot but at the end of the day you’re not a machine, you’re going to reach for one word a lot in a certain circumstance, so try to like make a word cloud of similar words to use in that circumstance? I like to do this by hand, because there’s a certain nuance to words I choose that is hard to get thesaurus.com to replicate. Here are some examples:

Repeated - reiterated, echoed, parroted, copied, quoted, imitated, chanted

^ I organize them by broad applicability to more niche uses. Like the first three words could probably be used interchangeably, but something like ‘chanted, imitated, or quoted’ would be based on the scenario.

So this is just my head, right, but here’s another example that sort of shows how I group words/think of them:

Saw - Observed (passive, neutral), viewed (passive, neutral), perceived (passive, thoughtful), detected (passive, thoughtful), noticed/noted (passive), regarded (passive), inspected (intent), scrutinized (intent), considered (intent, thoughtful), acknowledged (intent, thoughtful), recognized (surprised, unexpected)

Ahh sorry this is probably getting confusing and wayy to into the minutiae but yeah this is sort of how I decide, after listing out my related verbs, which one is the best for the situation.

2) So for writing dialogue - I’m a super visual person. When I write stories I see scenes in my head. Beyond just what they’re saying, what are they doing while they’re saying it? A lot of times cues from the surrounding scene are important too. Obviously what the characters are actually saying is important but so is everything else happening around them, is I guess what I’m saying? I think I mentioned this in my other ask, but using the word ‘said’ on its own can be powerful in its ambiguity. But I like to add an adjective when I use it unless I’m being vague on purpose.

Also pacing!! Pacing is super important, in general, but especially in dialogue. Tbh I would say I’m really not that great at it, it’s a hard thing to get right and has a lot to do with your tone, and how the scene is supposed to feel. Like funny dialogue always has this whip-quick style, while more angsty scenes are more drawn out.

3) Pet peeves, hmm. Aside from really, REALLY bad grammar mistakes/typos with intense frequency, those don’t really bother me. Like lmao glass houses I always end up with one wrong their/there or than/then somewhere. If I had to pick a pet peeve, it would probably be formatting. That’s just the designer in me, I guess. Especially spacing between paragraphs - or rather, when there IS no spacing. I can’t even show you because tumblr doesn’t even let me do it, but basically in a word doc when you don’t double enter after a paragraph, just single enter. It makes paragraphs, dialogue, everything look like one GIANT block of text and sometimes when I see a story like that I hit the back button and can’t read it. To a MUCH lesser extent, when people put photos in their stories but don’t make them responsive. This I don’t really mind all that much, except when I scroll on my phone I’ll end up scrolling way left instead of down. It’s also an easy fix, just change the width field to 100% and it will be as wide as the screen the person is viewing on.

#ask #writing

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melyaliz · 4 years

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Yellow Umbrella pt 1

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Demon Lord Loki needs distraction from the mundane life he lives. You need to figure out who you are now that your boyfriend left you. (AU where Loki is a Demon mafia lord.)

Pairing: Demon!Loki x Reader

Warning: This is NSFW - lots of sexual content

Story notes: The character’s name is Yue because I hate Y/N I feel like it takes you out of the story. (This is my creative way around that)

My Notes: Loki won the contest! But that doesn’t mean Jason won’t show up… I have some saucy plans so don’t you worry. I also tagged everyone who liked/commented on the post. If you don’t want to be tagged just let me know and I will remove you.

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

DONATE or REQUEST

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Every story has an ending. That moment when you are sobbing on your best friend’s bed asking her why this happened. He was supposed to be your everything, he had promised you forever. He WAS your everything. You couldn't picture your life without him. Without his morning text, checking in during the day, his opinions on your life.

He had promised you forever.

How could he just leave like that?

As if those 3 years of constant meant nothing.

As if you meant nothing.

In those moments it feels like it’s the true ending. What could possibly happen next? How could life even go on? What would it even look like? How does one go on after such a shift in their reality.

The problem is this is life. There is no ending, no rolling credits. No large THE END on the last page of the book. The beginning to life is when you are born and the end is when you die. During that time there are a million different shifts and changes.

And even then people have lived before you and will live after you.

So when moments like this happen, how do you start over when your entire life has ended?

When your entire life breaks up with you.

-----

Loki sat in his boardroom. And he was bored, bored in his boardroom.

Someone come kill him.

Too bad he was a demon and couldn’t really die.

The king of demons actually.

Well A king really. The world had gotten just a bit too big for one organized faction and demons had never been very good at the whole “following a god” sort of things so many hundred years ago they had given up and did their own thing. The most powerful ones taking weaker demons and building factions to rule over.

Think of it like an underground mafia

And Loki was lord of one of the largest powerful territories.

Which was great, unless you had to be stuck in these endless meetings. Sure they were important, he needed to know what the werewolves had been up to and if the vampires were starting to group again.

But it was all so trivial. (Just send an email or something.)

That was why he had underlings. To deal with these things.

“We have a few spies among their ranks so we will keep you updated.” the man, Yash, droned on, did they intentionally get the one demon with the most boring voice to run these things? Where was the pazazz? They were demons after all.

Next to Loki his secretary Clover shifted. Her black mini skirt pushed up under the boardroom table so that the demon lord could draw lazy lines up her leg just brushing over those crotchless lace panties she had dawned just for this meeting.

She was a good secretary.

“But… the good news is souls are up and our borders have never been stronger.”

“And on that note,” Loki gripped Clover’s inner thigh before standing. Taking his beautiful scepter that his assistant Jeff had gotten him as a gift last year he tapped in against the floor. The sound echoing across the room. “Let’s take the rest of the day off and celebrate!” See Yash, pazazz

The room erupted in cheers as he added “drinks on me.”

Which is was what led them all to a beautiful speakeasy in the heart of San Francisco. The drinks were strong and the bartenders hot.

Just how Loki liked it.

One in particular caught Loki’s eye. A busty blonde who smiled brightly as he walked in. Leaning forward Loki licked his lips as the woman matched his stance, showing off just a bit more of her beautiful cleavage.

“You’re new.”

“Just helping out for the night.”

“Well I would love to learn more about you before you must leave Cinderella.”

“I'll be here past midnight don’t you worry.” she said shaking his drink. Her body bouncing with the rhythm of the movements.

Loki licked his lips, “Perfect”

She smelled of tequila and seltzer as he fucked her in the back. The cold night air coming out in little clouds as he lifted her up pushing against her. She was impressed by his super strength, humans always were, and the cold night air made her nipples perky as he let his tongue run lazily over them.

“God your beautiful.” she said running her fingers over his thick black hair.

“God’s got nothing to do with it baby” he growled thrusting into her again causing her to let out a cry of pleasure.

“Adriana?”

“Shit.”

Loki’s fingers gripped the curvy girls ass digging into the soft flesh. “Friend of yours?”

“Boyfriend…”

Turning Loki instantly knew why she had cursed. The boyfriend wasn’t alone. Four of them stood there and they didn’t look nice.

He had send his own men home assuming he would just have one quick fuck and then leave.

After all everything about that woman had screamed single and desperate.

I guess you never judge a book by it’s cover.

Not that this wasn’t his first time dealing with a jealous lover.

--------

It was raining out. Thick sheets of torrential downpour as Yue walked home. Her soft yellow umbrella taking the brunt of the storm as she sloshed down the street. She really shouldn’t have even been out in it but when you wake up at 4am with a cough that won’t let you rest there is nothing you can do but run to the local 24 hour mart and grab some NyQuil.

This cold air and rain wasn’t helping the cough but there wasn’t much she could do.

After swigging some of the blue liquid Yue started her trek home. And that was when she saw him. Leaning against the wall heavily. At first she thought maybe he was throwing up but as she got closer she realized he was bleeding.

“Are… are you ok? Do you need me to call 911?”

Her phone was out to show him she could call the police even if he tried something.

“Not much good they can do.” he said turning to her. His dark lined eyes smudge from the rain, black hair flat against his face giving him a very emo boy band look.

Welcome to the Black Parade anyone?

Holding out her umbrella the man took a step under it. “Nice boots” he said pointing to the matching yellow boots Yue had on. His eyes lifted up meeting hers with a wiry smile. He had a split lip and a few other cuts and bruises on his face. He also had a few previous scars on across his left eyebrow and one that was under the same eye down his cheek.

That coupled with the way the light of her phone seemed to make his pale skin glow gave him a little unworldly look. As if he was some fallen angel right out of a Gothic comic.

“So little yellow boots where are you taking me?”

“A hospital?”

“That’s no fun.” he drawled, running his thumb over his split lip.

Her response was a few muffled coughs eyes watering. He studied her taking in her flushed cheeks and red nose along with the 7-11 bag she was holding. “Sounds to me that you need it more than I do.”

“Well I was about to take some NyQuil and pass out.”

“Well I won’t keep you.”

She took a step forward about to leave him. She didn’t owe this mysterious stranger anything. But something nagged at the back of her head. Pausing she turned to him, “If you walk me to my door I’ll let you take my umbrella wherever you need to be.”

“What?” he looked down at her surprised.

“I’ll let you take my umbrella.”

He looked her over, his breath thick with the smell of whiskey. “Ok.”

They walked in silence, the only sound was the echo of the rain hitting the little sunny covering over them.

Once they approached her small apartment complex she stopped turning to him. His eyes lazily looking around, hands in his pockets giving him a very laid back look. She had no idea how he had gotten beaten up but it really didn’t seem to affect him much.

Holding her umbrella up she flashed him a slightly painful smile. Her mouth was so dry from this dumb cold.

“Here”

He leaned forward looking down at her, taking her in for a moment that same lazy smile on his lips that he had worn their whole walk back. His fingers wrapped themselves over hers for a moment, the cold steel of his chunky silver rings sending shivers down her already sensitive skin.

“Thank you love.'' His voice thick and smokey. Dangerously sexy, sending a shiver down her spine that wasn't from the cold.

“Good night.”

“Night”

And they parted. Him down the street disappearing into the stormy night and her into her complex to drug herself into a peaceful slumber.

Little did they know on that rainy night under a sunny umbrella that a new story was about to unfold. A moment that shifted in time changing the course of their lives forever.

--------

-GET TAGGED!-

Forever tag: @the-shadow-of-atlantis @coffee-randomness @0hmydeku @xx3fsxx @daisyboobear @jason-redhood @hello-i-lovespiderman-blr @pinkwitch21 @tomhncharliep @cdwmtjb8

Loki: @wayward-hell @winterssoldierrs

Story: @irwin-hood @hit-th3r0ck @cruel-kitten @boofrarti @i-miukimiuki @mmimagine-40 @mynameofuser @pia-1000 @angelgl16 @the-fifth-marauder03 @plutos-deamonchild @frenchfrostpudding @carydorse @neverleturheartshow2 @sebhiddleston @probsjosh @dracaryspowpow @andrea20967 @saiyanprincessswanie @olive-tini @albinotigerpython

#Loki x you #Loki smut #Demon!loki #Loki x reader #Loki x oc #Loki fanfic #my writing #Demon lord #Marvel Smut

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unulales · 5 years

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permanent plotter call!!

its been a little while since i’ve rped on tumblr so i’m not sure what the rules are for them nowadays or if they’ve changed? i’m just gonna go ahead and lay down what it means for me

like this post if you...

want me to tag you in starters out of nowhere

are okay with me slipping in your inbox (outside of memes)/dming you in or out of character for whatever reason

are interested in consistent interactions with cat for any reason

have any interest in having any sort of plot or development with ecaterina (can be as fluffy as her being your muse’s piano teacher or as deep as exploring her issues with being a “chosen one”)

have all of the above applied to you, and you’re okay with horror

if you don’t really know for sure if this is the kind of stuff you want to do, that’s totally fine! i’ll still post opens and starter calls all the time if you wanna go ahead and test the waters!

if you like this and we’re mutuals, you can also go ahead and im me if you have any ideas! i might be slow, so sorry in advance;; talking to no one in particular is a lot easier than talking to someone directly hogh also, most importantly, please im me any triggers you have so i can be as careful as i need to be.

heyyo! thanks for checking out my peebrain ideas! just so you know, this list is gonna be dynamic and i’ll be updating it as time goes on. ideas seriously slap me at 4am like a prophet receiving messages from an angry god

i’ll put the date when it was most recently updated at the top, some ideas might be deleted if i think they’re too boring or someone’s bit one of them. but... some of these ideas can definitely have multiple muses tied to it so don’t feel rushed to take one.

also, keep in mind these are just some ideas i have. if you have any ideas, or if there’s any specific development you want to explore with your muse don’t be afraid to say so. it takes two to tango or something like that

music instruction!

yes, ecaterina is... not a good person. she’s extremely closed off generally speaking and doesn’t have an interest in people as a whole. if there’s anything that she’s competent in and she loves to do it’s play music. name an instrument, any instrument. cat at least knows the basics and her rates are fairly cheap. (she’s best with string instruments, but piano is a close second.)

she’s a strict instructor, but she doesn’t want to throw anyone into such a hobby half-assed. you are getting your money’s worth and then some.

i see this as being a slow burn where cat tries to share with the student in question her joy in music, and maybe at some point exploring why she doesn’t just... keep doing it all the time? of course, there’s also a chance the student in question would be unnerved because she already doesn’t make sounds when she walks. whenever she’s focused on something, she doesn’t blink.

( this one’s really vague, y’all... )

ghost hunting!

while it was never a major interest of her’s, it’s something she unfortunately knows way too much about by association. since she worked on a ghost hunting show, to say she knows a thing or two would be putting it lightly. ecaterina would work as a good assistant if they wanted someone that knew what they were doing, but she’s also a huge pain in the ass because haunted areas are her element. she will try her hardest to scare you if you’re interested in going this route.

cat probably won’t have interest in going with someone unless they’re genuinely curious and proves themselves to be educated in the paranormal. she is absolutely going to treat the person in question like her brother, ( with action-based kindness and a lot of making fun of you ) and the progression would probably be much quicker as a result.

owing a debt!

yes, cat is a shitty person. no, i will not stop reminding you. but there are a handful of things she can be pretty good about, and repaying her debts is pretty high up there.

your muse could potentially:

prevent her from getting into an accident

rescue her from a place she trapped herself in when trying to scare someone

buy her a new instrument/repair an old one

something... else if you have any ideas that would be more in character for you, do not be afraid to discuss them these are just some examples

and she will stick to your muse like fuckin e6000 until she feels like her debt has been appropriately paid. depending on the gravity of the favor, this can go anywhere between paying for your lunch or basically being your indentured servant / bodyguard for the rest of her life.

feel free to blow up in her face if you’re fed up with her following you around so much! take advantage of her servitude by making her do stupid things! treat her kindly! ( why would you want to do that, but it’s... an option i guess ) get confused, because she’s suddenly being much kinder to your muse! anything goes! but cat will never directly mention that she feels like she owes your muse unless asked.

spook friends!

cat will have a very hard time coping with the fact that someone else genuinely likes to scare someone just as much, if not more than she does. she’ll feel... inferior, and have a bit of a complex about it but after some warming up she’ll be happy to work with them!

she actually doesn’t really like being in the spotlight that much, so she’d definitely value someone to sort of test things out for her? critique the plans that she has? ecaterina won’t admit it, but she does miss the stability of her job with phantasmagorica. making props and helping someone with make up to scare the shit out of people would fill that hole.

not to mention, two friends owning a year-round haunted house (that is occasionally also an escape room?) just sounds like a really cute idea to me.

chosen one stuff!

ecaterina ciobanu is a chosen champion by the sect of gaia to accomplish... well, she’s never really been sure. but she’s also never been interested. at least that’s what she likes to think. she says that she doesn’t like her axe, but she really misses it! demons are... fucking cool, but cat honestly hates how interested she is in them?

there’s... a lot more to this, but i kind of want it to come up organically? i’d imagine it would take us a minute to get to this point, but... you know. i admittedly don’t get to play my campaign with her very often, but it’s a really important part of her character i’d like to explore.

maybe she could have someone pushing her towards her violent thoughts? or someone else that has experience being a destined hero training her? idk, i just know either way it’s not gonna end very well...

#beyond our understanding ( ooc ) ;;#for posterity ;; whatever that even means ( saves ) ;;#i have a feeling i'm gonna end up deleting this because too much pre-planning honestly makes me kind of nervous?#i'm very Bad at discussing things when it comes to writing with people idk why #let's see if i regret this there's only one way to find out!

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sunflowerstache · 5 years

Text

Not So Bad In L.A

A/N: It’s finally posted y’all! I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I last updated, life has kind of just been a bit busy and I was definitely in a writing jam/had some major writer’s block! But I got past it and I hope this was worth the wait! Love you all, and as always, if you have any questions/concerns/suggestions/want to get tagged/all of the above, please let me know! I love hearing from you beautiful people!

Chapter 5: The Light Is Coming

February 3, 2017

Word Count: 3.9k

Masterlist Fic Masterlist

Previous Chapter

“Excuse me, you’re doing what with who?!”

You and the girls were all sitting together in your living room, nursing a bottle of Moscato. It was the afternoon after Harry’s birthday party, and Nick had texted you early this morning, undoubtedly dragging his hungover feet on the way to the breakfast Harry had mentioned. Not only did he want to make sure you got home alright the night before, but being the nosy man that he is, felt the need to ask what went on with you and Harry while he was ‘knocking back countless tequila shots’.

“Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is, Sav. It’s lunch with a new friend.”

“Sure... lunch with a new friend who happens to be Harry fucking Styles.” Bri laughed, going to answer the door as the doorbell just sounded through your apartment.

Bella chuckled, picking up the now empty bottle of wine and frowning, “How are we out already?” she got up and walked into the kitchen, yelling; “Have you told Morgan about your new friend yet?”

“Not yet, no. She wants to take the USMLE soon so I don’t wanna bother her.” The USMLE is a 3-step test a hopeful doctor has to take in order to be eligible to get their medical license. She was trying to take it as early as possible, and you had to constantly remind her that she was definitely going to ace it since she was the smartest girl you’d ever met.

“Better tell her now before she sees you on some twitter account or some shit.” Sav laughed, “Also, I don’t want to be like a downer, but you know Harry might ask about your family, right? Are you – are you like, prepared for all that?”

The room got quiet and all eyes fell on you. You fiddled with the blanket resting on your lap and felt your chest grow a bit tighter. Bri and Bella had both re-entered the living room; Bri resting against the door frame and Bella taking her place back next to you on the couch.

“I um, I haven’t really thought about it.” You shrugged. You absolutely adored your family. When you lived at home, you valued nothing more than spending time with the people you love. And deciding to leave them was the hardest thing you ever done. But like most families, there were some things you just didn’t talk about. Some things you just didn’t want to even think about.

“Alright, how about we don’t be debby downers right now, and instead, we talk about this package that just came for Y/N.” Bri smiled, walking over to sit on the hardwood floor in front of you, handing you your package

“Ooooh, did your new boyfran send you something already?”

“Honestly, it was probably Ronnie. You know Y/N’s mom loves sending mail.”

“It’s from Youtube.” You smiled, opening the large box, “It’s um – it’s my plaque for reaching 100,000 subscribers.” YouTube was something that you never really talked about. It was something you did on the side after each one of your trips and people seemed to enjoy it. You loved creating a video where people could really capture the feel of a location before getting the chance to go, or even just watch the video for fun. You had somehow conned 100,000 very dedicated people into watching your videos and you couldn’t be more thankful for them.

“YES BITCH!”

“I know I’m speaking for all of us when I say you really deserve this. Seriously, you work your ass off for the magazine and then come home and work on your videos and I’m just really proud of you.” Bella smiled, raising her glass. Having your best girlfriends around you and supporting you during a journey that you didn’t know you would ever embark on was more important than any sort of award you could receive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry texted you early the next morning. You were sitting at your kitchen island, basking in the early morning sunlight that was shining through your windows and enjoying a bowl of Cheerios, when your phone dinged. You knew it wasn’t Nick, as he was still passed out on your couch. And it wasn’t any of the girls, as they were all getting ready for work. The five of you had a riveting night of watching The Office (Nick of course butting in and making comments about the original UK version) while playing a drinking game: take a shot whenever anyone makes eye contact with the camera. It was a quick way to ensure getting drunk, albeit not a great idea for the 3 of 5 of you who had work that morning. Nick was leaving to go home later tonight, after spending nearly a week showing you his favorite spots around LA, encouraging you all to drink more in those 3 weeks than you had since moving, and spending some days just cuddled on the couch watching movies. It was nice having him there. Granted, he had spent a day or two with other LA based friends of his, but waking up to him in your living room was nice, because you knew you most likely wouldn’t be seeing him again for some time. Glancing down at your phone, you smiled at the incoming message.

“Still willing to have lunch with me? Around 11?”

Part of you had thought he’d forgotten about his proposition. That maybe he was more drunk than he lead on that night and had just forgotten about you. Before his party, the two of you had been texting for almost three days straight, so it was odd when you didn’t hear from him the last day and half. You shook your head and thought the same thing you had been telling yourself; “He’s a superstar Y/N, he’s busy.”

“I think the real question is do you still want to have lunch with me?”

You sat and continued your chat with Harry for quite some time, deciding what kind of food you were in the mood for and a central location for you both (which according to Harry wasn’t a necessity on his end). But to your surprise, he continued the conversation. You felt like you had known him forever, but after thinking about it, you really didn’t know much about him… Other than what you learned by being a fan, and so you decided if you were going to be friends with the infamous Harry Styles, you were going to get to know the real Harry Styles.

“What the fuck are you smiling at, at 7am. There’s literally nothing to be happy about this early.”

“Nick, you wake up at like 4am for work, this should be nothing for you.” You chuckled, finishing your cereal and reaching to place your bowl in the sink across from your seat at the island.

“I’m generally not this hungover when going to work.” You opened your mouth to argue that statement, but he beat you too it and held up a finger, “I said generally.”

Not bothering to stifle a yawn, he reached into the cabinet to grab a mug and made himself busy making his morning coffee. Having him in the house was nice. Living with three other girls could get a bit hectic sometimes. There was usually lots of whining and yelling to be heard echoing through the house at all hours of the day, heels left all over the living room after long days of work, and you don’t remember the last time you were able to wake up and not find someone digging through your closet. It had been so long since you lived with a guy and it was nice being reminded of how simple it was.

“Alright look.” Nick mumbled as he turned around and leaned on the opposite counter to face you, “I’m leaving tonight, so you know I have to part with some brotherly advice.”

You sighed.

“Sorry.” he rubbed his eyes, “Anyways, I’m aware you’re talking to Harold and-“

“Grimmy no! I’m stopping you right there. We are not talking. We literally just met and are friends. I don’t even know if you can call us friends.” You knew this would be coming at some point before his departure. Nick always had a way to sneak in some weird form of protectiveness over you anytime he was around.

“You’re texting and meeting up. Call it what you will, but listen to me. Just be careful alright? I love the lad like he’s family, but when you’re with Harry, you’re not just with Harry. There’re always people watching and always something to be said about it. I just don’t want you surprised by anything.”

The ding of another incoming text message made you both look at your phone, smiling softly at Harry’s unknown perfect timing.

“Thanks Grim, I appreciate it. But I’m a big girl.”

“Look, I’m just trying to make sure your ass doesn’t get posted all over social media. If anyone’s gonna do it, it’s going to be me.”

“No one’s posting my ass anywhere. I’d have to have one in order for that to even happen.” The two of you broke out into a fit of giggles, eventually shushing each other in fear of waking up the rest of the house.

“Thanks for letting me crash with you these last couple days.” He smiled as you got up off your stool to make your way to stand in front of him.

“Thank you for coming to see me. I missed you.” You replied and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, “Now, I’m gonna go take a shower and get ready for my lunch plans with Harry and evidently the rest of the world.”

It was approaching 7:30am when you made your way into your room, watching Bri as she left your closet, holding a pair of black booties and uttering a sleepy “Morning.” You had about three hours before you had to meet up with Harry, realistically only two with getting ready and LA traffic. Your only dilemma was what to wear. You’ve seen how Harry dresses and can only assume what his standards are. Only problem was you didn’t own anything quite so designer. Shaking your head, you walked into your closet. After all, it was only lunch with a new friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upon arriving, you immediately knew that you and Harry had very different ideas of a causal lunch. Soft music and the murmur of conversations being held filled the air and you could faintly hear the sound of water in the distance.

“Hello. How may I help you today?”

You turned to see a young girl, most likely no older than 18, standing behind the podium and looking at you expectantly.

“I um, I think I have a reservation?” you then realized that you never talked to Harry about how this was going to work. Did you give the girl his name? What if someone heard and freaked out? Did he put it under an alias, and if so what was it? You probably looked like a crazy person standing there just starring at her blankly, “I’m meeting a friend, but I don’t know what the reservation is under.”

The young man standing next to her turned and interjected, “Mr. Einstein at table W12. I can escort her.” He made his way around the podium and pointed towards the back doors that led outside, “If you’ll follow me.” The restaurant was filled with predominantly middle-aged couples, which made sense considering it was a Friday at 11am. As the hostess in front of you opened the back doors, a small breeze blew through and your flowy white pants swayed with it. You had decided on pairing those pants with a green camisole top and a pair of small nude heels, figuring that if you were to somewhat dress up for any lunch, it would be this one. It crossed your mind for a brief moment that whoever this man was leading you to could in fact, not be Harry, but someone else waiting for someone to arrive, however, you then caught sight of his curls. Harry was seated in the far corner, head down looking at his phone, while one hand scratched the back of his neck. You could see his knee bobbing up and down and he was steadily chewing on his bottom lip, like whatever he was doing on his phone was causing him duress. But as soon as he heard your footsteps approaching, his head popped up and looked directly at you.

“Y/N. Hi.” He smiled as he stood up, opening his arms for a quick hug before the hostess led you right to an open chair at the tabl, ”Thank you Danny.” He nodded to the young boy.

“It’s good to see you again! Sorry I didn’t text you earlier, I was doing work stuff and Grimmy was over most of the day yesterday and you know how he gets.” He laughed

“No, don’t worry about it! Thanks for the invite…… Mr. Einstein.”

“I try not to give my real name when going out. Kind of causes a big thing that I just want to avoid, you know? Thought Einstein would be a good enough give away, considering you did call yourself that you when we met.” He chuckled

The two of you chatted for a bit, not really about much, mostly you telling him about a new piece you were working on for the magazine. He was very intent on just listening to you talk, which was something you hadn’t really experienced before. Growing up, you were always fighting for attention between your friends and family members, since there are so many of you. Not that how you grew up was a bad thing, just having someone who was genuinely interested in what you had to say was a nice change of pace. But you had made a promise to yourself this morning, you were going to get to know Harry, so you finally decided to take the topic off of yourself.

“Alright well, if we’re going to be friends, I can’t be the only one who talks. I happen think you quiet enjoy talking about yourself.” You surprised yourself being so up front with him, but like you’d been thinking since you first met, you felt very comfortable around Harry.

“Oh, do you now? What else do you think you know about me?” he smirked, leaning forward and folding his hands on the table.

And that’s how it started. Instead of playing the typical 20 questions game to learn about each other, you just spewed out different assumptions you had about the other. It ranged anything from where you’re from to your favorite animal to what your favorite kind of cake was.

“Okay, okay. You’re a One Direction fan.” he guessed. At this, you could feel your ears perking up and warmth in your cheeks. Averting your eyes, you glanced to your side at the water.

“What lead you to that assumption?”

“I may have made a few inquiries before lunch today.” he shrugged, “Am I correct?”

“Hmmm yeah, I guess you could say that. I um – my best friends - Bella, Sav and I have been fans since you guys finished X Factor. And it just kind of snowballed from there. We had been to like five shows. Were looking forward to hearing album number five live, but there was a hiatus announced before that could happen.”

“Yeah, well I hear they wanted to try the whole ‘Solo’ thing.”

“Yet, only one has released music.” you pondered, jokingly.

He smiled, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, “I happen to have it on good authority that the devishly handsome one is working on his music.”

“Devishly handsome? Niall really does have something special about him, huh.” You joked, sipping your water and staring at him over the glass, “Joking. I look forward to hearing it one day.”

The two of you quickly fell back into your game of information and bouncing assumptions off one another, laughing when someone got one correct and correcting them when it was wrong. He raised his eyebrows when you corrected him on your favorite song – his guess being Waste a Night by Kings of Leon “simply based on your reaction to it at the concert.”

“It’s actually Girl Crush by Little Big Town.” You nodded,l to yourself, waiting for a laugh or even an unenthused ‘really?” but it never came.

“Great song.” He nodded, like he was making a mental note of the song

“I’m confident in this one.” You smiled smugly, “Your favorite band is Fleetwood Mac.”

“One of them, definitely. Huge influence growing up and getting into music. Good thing we aren’t keeping score, ‘cause I’d be out for the count.”

“All those years being a fan are finally paying off. But, because I’m off the record winning and feeling very generous, I’ll give you give three extra assumptions – uninterrupted. Go.”

“You can’t put me on the spot like that! Okay, um your favorite food is rice?”

You looked at him quizzically, “How-“

“You ordered extra rice with dinner. Educated guess.” He shrugged before moving onto his next one, scrunching up his nose like he knew this one would be wrong “You have a dog?”

“Wrong. No dogs allowed in the apartment. Bri’s allergic. Leaning towards getting a kitten soon tho!” you grinned, excited by the thought of having a sweet lil bub prancing around your apartment.

“A cat person, duly noted.” Smiling, he tucked some hair, that had been blown into his face by the increasing wind, back behind his ear, ““Alright.” he sat quiet for a moment, thinking of his next comment, “You’re an only child.”

There it was. The question that you dreaded but always gets asked. You should have known it was coming at some point soon, considering you had been talking to each other about your personal lives, including families, for almost an hour. It was normal; the person you were making friends with wanting to know about your family. But it made the knot in your stomach zoom up into your throat. You could go one of two ways, give Harry the full truth like you know he would want, or the less painful way and tell a white lie. He wouldn’t even know if it was a lie, right? I mean, it’s not like he would dig into your family history. Mentally you sighed, deciding that telling the truth was the only option. It wasn’t something you wanted to hide. It didn’t seem fair.

“False. I um, I have a brother and a sister.”

“Really? What are they like?”

“Well, my sister Morgan is 20 and she goes to school at The Medical University of South Carolina. She wants to be a pediatrician.” you grinned, thinking about her in the Winnie the Pooh scrubs she showed you last night.

“And your brother?” Your smile slowly faded and suddenly the body of water next to you was the most interesting thing you’ve ever seen. Did you want to do this? Share this with someone you really barely knew? Hell, you didn’t even like talking about this with Grimmy or the girls. Licking your lips and taking a deep breath, you decided what to do.

“Brandon’s my older brother. He’s honestly the best person I’ve ever known. He went to The School of Visual Arts in New York. He wanted to be a videographer. He was amazing.” you paused, glancing over at Harry, who was intently waiting for you to finish talking. The gleam in his eyes was present when he noticed your use of the past tense, silently understanding what that meant. “He was the kind of guy you just wanted to be friends with, ya know?” you continued, “Like he could talk about sports with you for hours, but you wanted to talk about music? He knew that too. Art? Cars? He was your guy. He just got along with everyone.”

“Well, he sounds fantastic.” Harry nodded, reaching across the table to grab your hands

“He is - was.” you gently shook your head, “He um, he passed away almost 3 years ago. I think everything just got to be too much for him? I’m still not entirely sure.”

The waves softly crashed to your left and you could hear the hustle and faint bustle of the street to your right, but the two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. “I’m sorry. This isn’t a very fun conversation to be having on a lunch date.” you let out a small fake laugh but he shook his head

“No, it’s alright. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me. Means a lot.” he smiled, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

The two of you sat quietly for a moment, enjoying each other’s company, and you noticed Harry’s hand still resting on yours. It was big enough to almost engulf yours entirely, and it gave off a nice wave of heat. Just enough to make you forget about the chilling wind that blew past the two of you. Your waitress had come to drop of your bill and much to your protest, Harry had insisted that he pay. Something you knew he would try to do from the moment he asked you to lunch. So, you didn’t let him push you. Before he handed his card to the waiter, you slipped your card into the small black folder and insisted that the bill be split in two. He gave you a pointed glance and shook his head, but you knew he wasn’t too upset. After all, his hand never faltered.

“Thank you for coming today. I know you were probably pretty weirded out being asked to lunch with some guy you barely knew. But I really enjoyed it.”

“Oh, it was super weird. Considering the guy in question was someone I’ve looked up to for like 7 years.” you giggled, slightly embarrassed, “But I’m glad you did. It was fun. Plus, now Nick can stop making fun of me for not having any friends in LA.”

He shook his head, pushing his chair out so he could stand, “God, Nick, ever the passionate one.” He moved behind you quickly so that he could pull your chair out.

“Did I tell you he tried to give me a speech about you this morning? How you’re famous and always have people watching.”

Harry gaped at you, “You taking the piss? He sat me down in the kitchen yesterday. Told me I had to remember you ‘aren’t used to the limelight, so be careful’. Like I was planning on taking you to a red carpet or something.” He chuckled, “I had to remind him it was just lunch.”

“He just tries to go all brotherly on me since – “ you paused, talking a deep breath, “Since Brandon’s not around to do it. At least that’s his reasoning. He may be a pain sometimes, but he means well.”

Coming to the front doors of the restaurant, a sad feeling radiated over your body. You lunch with Harry was coming to a close, and he had said he was going back to London next week, so you didn’t know if this was the last time you’d be seeing him for some time. And you quiet enjoyed your time together today. He cleared his throat and chuckled beside you before opening the front door,

“So… a lunch date huh?”

Tag List: @emotionally-imbruised @theasstour @swayingnoodlelove @movingalong3 @staceystoleyourheart @north1692 and the lovely @isitstraightvodka @isitjamiemoriarty @meet-me-in-the-kitchen @meetyourmouths for always being so wonderful and supportive and just great pals💛

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tyranttortoise · 5 years

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Sure! You guys can always feel free to send me an IM. If you don’t get a response within a day or two, poke me again because I tend to miss them. Don’t worry if you’re shy; I never get annoyed by IM’s.

Absolutely feel free! I adore any kind of fanfic set in the SSLL verse! <3 You guys are free to do whatever you’d like with it. Just tag me or send it my way because I’d love to read it. =D

I’ve actually got a few sets of bros answered for this! I’d do it for the US/SF bros, but honestly, there isn’t that much of a difference so it’s not worth it.

UT/UF bros

HT bros

How did I not see this ask sooner? This one made me really happy because you totally nailed my depictions of them in the best way.

Also, same, anon. Same. Only I’d also bone Edge. And, you know. Both of them together while I’m at it.

@disasterbisexual This ask made my day. <3 I forever want to be Lady and Mistress of the Tortoises. x] Thank you so much for being your sweet self!!

I updated it less than a week ago, anon. No worries; it’s def still going on! <3 I just don’t have a set update schedule. Fallout 76 is taking my free time for the most part 8D

I support this as canon. <3

@whatevenisiteren <333 I need art of that in my life. He fits it so well!

@ruby-the-wolf I’m glad you enjoyed it!! <33 Oh man, it was definitely chaos. It’s just the skeles running around and her struggling to keep up in the tiny room. x]

Most def! I wanted to throw them in the last chapter, but it was just too many skeletons. They’ll show back up again eventually! I really need to sit down and write the short fic about them I’ve had planned for like a year now lol.

@tuestika I’m so glad you enjoy it! <3 Skeleton harems are the best kind of harems as far as I’m concerned. ;D Thank you so much for reading, and for dropping me an ask!

Space is Outertale Sans for sure. ;D I got quite a few requests for a cameo with him, so I wanted to go into some of my headcanons in the fic! Also, sorry that you’ve been worried your asks are being eaten! I just don’t answer all my asks/I wait for several non-imagine asks to pile up so I can answer them all at once instead of spamming my blog. Also, I don’t think I got any vent asks from you, so if you sent any of them, they really did get eaten!

Speaking of your asks, I just found one buried within the depths of my askbox, so I’m going to post it up here, too.

I want to, but I really suck at coming up with good questions for the quiz!

... Also, I refreshed my askbox and found this ask below, too. Sometimes asks just disappear for me and then reappear if I refresh it a couple of times??

I’ll introduce them in a bonus chapter at some point. =] I’ve actually written about Dancetale and Outertale in my other Undertale fic! It’s an Explicit fic, however, but both of those chapters were completely smut-free.

@ut-stuff That part was in there just for you. ;D

xD I like the way your brain works because this is fantastic. I’m constantly trying to pop my back, and now this is going to be what I think of every single time.

@dontexpectmuchxd Ahhhh, sorry this took me so long to reply to! I just saw this buried in my askbox!

The best thing about being an adult is the freedom. If I want to buy something, I have the means to buy it, and if I want to go on a trip, I can go.

The worst part is the, uh... lack of freedom. 8D Just because I can go somewhere doesn’t mean I don’t still have a boatload of people telling me I shouldn’t. If I have any advice for my younger followers, it’s that you should follow your dreams as soon as you can. If I could go back, I would’ve taken a traveling job right out of college, and I would’ve been a lot happier. Now, I’m locked into staying in a place that I hate, surrounded by negativity -- which is why I’m so against negativity on my blog! I get it enough in my day-to-day lol.

But yeah, my adult advice is to do what makes you the happiest and remember to budget responsibly so you won’t have to worry about the bill part of being an adult. And build your credit. I can’t stress how important that is. I know this wasn’t really an advice question, but it’s 4AM so I just went off the rails with it.

@student-on-the-run Sorry this one’s so late, too! I’m digging through my inbox during a nightshift to see what I missed. I’m glad you enjoyed SSLL -- and the all-nighter is most def the highest of compliments to a fic writer. <33 Thank you so much for dropping me such sweet messages! And hey, I’m happy to include more skeleton terminology. x] I keep meaning to finish up a one-shot involving Stretch and learning proper bone anatomy, ha. I hope you’re doing well, hun! <3 Thanks again!

It’s place that’s always open and makes delicious waffles! It also has burgers and typical diner food, but the pecan waffles are where it’s at. If I’m ever super tired or working late, I always go by and grab a waffle and some coffee. It’s good and really cheap, too.

xD I mean, same. I’ll write something up with virgin Stretch, don’tcha worry. And thanks so much! I’m so glad you like the little details. ;]

I’m with you, anon. Monsters definitely have white souls. However, I know that a lot of people tend to assign soul traits to monsters via their magic preferences, which I’m totally for. I wrote a bit about magic colors and why a monster’s magic (i.e. ecto tongue, etc) may manifest in a specific color during the Stretch/Red/Landlady date in SSLL.

#the tortoise talks #ssll asks #general asks #positivity #it's 4am so i'm combining several asks and then sticking this in the queue for a halfway decent hour #how'd i let my askbox get so backed up #i just hadn't been feeling up to answering things for a bit #but i'm back to feeling better so i'm here to answer asks and get to some imagines #long post

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riskeith · 3 years

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i couldn’t stop smiling reading your last message i’m literally so happy atm. you’re so cute and i’m SO happy. i reread it three times and giggled so loud my brother asked why i was laughing... 🥺 he’s in the next freaking room 🥺

sappiness aside: YES!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE? i wish i could give my luck to you as you deserve it much more ): it’s true but it’s still important if you wanna do well in combat sadly haha dhdydbjdnd like you said it’s very inconvenient to have a unbalanced team but i decided that i’m just gonna switch around with the characters i have when it’s needed yk? they’re all mostly around the same levels so it works fine rn.. or it will until i have to focus on who i want to focus on ascending when i get to higher levels bc payments and materials and all.. sigh there’s so much to think about with too many cute characters... anyway how many rolls have you done since you started playing? do you remember?

OH???? is it easier on pc? i’ve always enjoyed smaller consoles tbh (like switch or even phone) bc it’s easier to focus so it wasn’t that difficult for me. but like you said it might just be a ‘getting used to it’ thing. also now that you’ve seen both; which differences are there in the game? are you gonna have two different accs?

i did restart it from the first ep!!! i figured i might as well get the ~full~ experience. it’s been a while too so it’s like a new experience but not rly? it’s like traveling back to your home country and you’re like wow... i belong here even if i’m not here all the time dhsjsjdhfh bad example but you know what i mean?i’ll keep you updated! rn i’m at training camp part of s1 and it’s great!!! just having a blast tbh. needed this especially now that school is back... :(

i guess we are talking about voltron in 20fucking21. i don’t know if i love that for us or not.... (our honeymoon can be whenever you want babe pick a date and i’m There 😏)

pls unrequited love is soo good. it hurts but it’s good too? haha, maybe if one has experiences with it it just hits different yk? but i’m with you—watching voltron i always always had the headcanon that keith first started to feel smth for lance in the ‘we did it’ scene and actually thought ‘i’m in love’ during the black lion scene. like the proof is all there... s8 and the sunset scene just proves his longlasting feelings nobody can tell me otherwise. keith is the type to cherish the people he loves a lot because he barely has anyone and that means putting their happiness above anything else and lance’s happiness was allura for a while and he just... accepted that despite yearning . god . i always think about is bittersweet smile while having his speech. it’s like; i know that you’re great and you should know that you’re great too and if she can’t see it she doesn’t deserve you.

you freaking out over the leave the math to pidge scene... losing my fucking mind. girl they’re literally in love fuckinf crying 😭😭😭😭😭 they depend on each other SO much like the show runners always push the ‘hunk and lance bffs’ agenda ok sure but in the show hunk was never there for lance the same way keith was. they just eased each other’s anxieties without having any expectations on each other at all? yet they surpassed all of them. the other was just.. there. always. remember the ‘we all miss shiro’ scene too???? the entire team looked at lance and wanted him to step up!!!!!! like HELLO??????? and the second lance spoke keith just calmed down... kill me now. if that doesn’t show much trust and appriciation and respect there was between them idk what does. and the fact that the others know that despite their differences they still need each other just..... yeah. *cries*

YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD. i get you tho klance is just... comfort ship but the ship that leaves you depressed too. i’m sure you could still write them perfectly but i’m absolutely in no way pressuring you at all you truly don’t have to if you can’t. i know how hard it can be to write when the motivation is just not there... :/ anyway idk what i’d prompt i just love your fics babe hsjdhdjdjdk. that’s so boring of me to say help but everything you write i love so.. surprise me? i can’t believe you have a final klance fic tho that sounds so sad.... ): i’m curious what it’s about but maybe it’s better to keep it hush hush.. hm?

i hope you’ve slept well!! you make me so happy!! kisses! xxxxxx

FHSJFKDS that makes /me/ so happy to hear!!! i was sitting on my bed smiling like a FOOL reading this ahahahaha. and soz to your brother but what can i say 🤪🤪

nooooo im so glad you got a 5 star already pls it’s fine im just gonna use all my primogems on xiao banner and it’ll end up okay fhskjdfds. yeah just switching charas in when needed totally works too! it’s just annoying when you accidentally get caught up in combat and it’s just ‘oop im level 1 against level 50′ AHAH. (tho i guess you won’t run into that issue yet?) honestly yeah there’s so much to do with the characters like ascending, constellations, talents, weapons, it’s just like.. what do i do first.... and who..... afhdskjfhsjf sometimes i just want to use character bc pretty and that should be enough 😔

hmmmm for the character event banner I believe i’m at 60 or 70 rn? so i’m reaaaally close to pity which is why when xiao comes 🙏🙏🙏 and for the standard banner i have no idea, maybe 40? so yeahhhh LOL... i keep saying this (and i better not be jinxing it BUT) im hoping it’ll all pay off...... i hope it’s all been building up for xiao... c6 xiao.. come home FHDKSJHDS

i definitely prefer it on PC! controls aside i just like the bigger screen tbh (my laptop is 15″). mostly the differences are the controls/buttons! since you can’t hold down multiple buttons at once on mobile, they’ve got more to cover all the functions (pc doesn’t have an extra dash button, we just right click or press shift; if we’re in the air i think one of the buttons turns into the drop down/plunge, rather than showing like 3 on mobile? i can’t remember precisely but yeahhh; there’s also the joystick on the left side of the screen on mobile that obviously isn’t there on pc bc we have the keyboard. it’s also harder to move the camera around whilst doing things on mobile i feel?)

and nah i don’t think i’ll make another acc, esp since i’ve gotten so far into game already but i did definitely think about it as a possibility ahahah (bc of my bad luck... i was wondering if i did a reroll (second) acc i might be able to get diluc FJKHSKDFS)

omg it feels like coming home what a good description 😩😩 haikyuu is just such a fun warm experience! legit so comforting and light-hearted but also get deep when it needs to be. oh yes training camp <33 gosh they were so young then :’) HAHAAH. and noooooo school has started up for you again? rip i wish you the best of luck 😔💪

maybe 2k21 is the year of revisiting old things...... god voltron ended in 2018 can you BELIEVE that (😏😏😏 i was gonna mention playing genshin co-op together (even back when you first started) HAAHAH but i assume you play in europe server? im asia rip 😥)

WE DID IT WE ARE A GOOD TEAM!! THE FUCKING PURPLE AROUND THEM!!!! THE SMILEEEE OH MY GOD THE BONDING MOMENT THE. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk every time you mentioned a single line or scene im just. all the memories come flooding back fhdsfkhsdjf. hang on a second.. they are red and blue.... the scene was purple... surely i knew this back then but im thinking about it now and?????/ oh my god

the sunset scene!!!!!!!!!! that is Peak pining keith unrequited love and pain scene... my goodness. “that means putting their happiness above anything else” NOOOOOOOOOOO you are so right tho 😭😭😭😭😭 please keith deserves the univerise <333 :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( the fact that lance seeked him out for that too.. just like old times.. “you can sure be a hard guy to find when you wanna be huh” the way i still remember that ugh they really were my everything 😔

YES!! like they pushed the whole lance+hunk+pidge thing but then in the actual show had hunk+pidge treat lance like shit and belittle him so often?? like ?????????? (once again where fanon saves us 😩) and oh my god yeah.. when everyone turned to him and lance like walked up to keith and then said all that.. we actually had so many moments?? god. *cries with you*

speaking of shiro.. s06e05 the black paladins!!! “shiro.. please.. you’re my brother.. i love you..” “just let go, keith” 😭😭 keith suffered so much AND FOR WHAT my god i miss him so much oh no

FSHFKJDS “surprise me” the only reason im asking is bc i have no ideas!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but i shall think.. (and if you want to think and help me out too.. 👐) & i’ve actually posted about that final fic a lot! LMAO that’s how you know i know i’m never gonna finish fdskhfksjd but in case you do wanna see, here are some links: one, two, three

thank you!! i stayed up to 4am like an idiot LOL but i swear today.... and same 😭 im so so happy to have met you 🥰❣ muah! xoxoxox

#we're really taking a trip down memory lane damn #marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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finsterhund · 4 years

Text

The boredom gets to me.

Lake trip got cancelled, then postponed to today, except ex roommate didn't want to go to the safe lake and me and my friend only wanted to go to the safe lake so we didn't end up going at all but that was okay because Will and Paula did a Paper Beast stream and it was fun.

Other than that things have been extremely boring and I've been getting sick from the heatwave.

It's too hot to play Paper Beast because of the headset, it's too hot to play Minecraft because ice pack laptop gets hot way quicker now.

It really becomes apparent that without spending money there's not much to do during the quarrentine. I've drawn a bit, I keep trying to write but never get anywhere, and mostly I'm just feeling lonely and wishing I had a dog. I have to be careful not to think too much about that late at night otherwise I'll miss my bedtime and then cry myself to sleep at 4AM. I joke about how I am explicitly forbidden from listening to "Tiny's Song" after 7PM, because that's a surefire way to make it worse.

I have another psychiatrist phone call in a couple weeks and I'm hoping to talk about trauma and misery loops, or whatever it's called when your brain keeps dwelling on loss.

Computer quest seems to be going well, but of course I've put as much money as I can into it for this month. Frustrated that I can't do anything more until I get paid again.

Got to go to the thrift store a few days ago. Impulsively got Lady because she was 5 dollars and we all know she's a spaniel so obviously I was weak of will, soft of heart, dumb of ass. You know the drill. This boy does not simply see a cosmically significant stuffed dog just sitting there and not do something about it.

I also picked up a seemingly brand-new collar with several tags attached. I collect used and discarded dog tags (I will go into this in more detail in another post) and I intend to start bringing as many back as I can whenever I get to go to thrift stores.

I'm frustrated that I keep making plans that I'll only be able to follow through on once all this is over. My computer is the only big thing in the works that isn't held back by the virus.

I wish the other one in town would open again. Stupid virus.

I keep phoning my mom to talk to her puppy. I was going to visit to see the puppy and also bring my childhood toys back home and also develop the Spot negatives. But no. Ruined. Stupid virus says "Andy likes Spot, and his old toys, and puppies. Let's make sure he doesn't get to see them" stupid virus.

I have a TON of important things planned where traveling or going to high risk stores/places that are definitely closed is required.

The last Spot I ordered online before I put my foot down and said "no more buying comfort items online until you get your new computer" seems to almost be arriving. Should around the same time I have my phone appointment. I'm also waiting on the lost DHL puppy (still, it's been so long) and another that I think also is lost, and a rare copy of Heart of Darkness that's taken forever to ship and is presumably in Alaska now (why I don't know)

I intend to spoil that Spot to an extreme amount to make up for the eBay stuffed dog drought that will presumably go on for three months. Although the fact that I do no longer have to hold onto all the money to use at once and have now switched over to giving it in installments to my friend who's doing my custom build does mean I have a better understanding on how much money I have available each month. It's their responsibility to count and keep track of the big unintelligible numbers now. I'm free!

Although I do still intend to keep the paper with all the "100"s written on it in use. Using a visual aid to help with my dyscalcula has actually felt super good. Wish teachers would have been more open to helping me do this during school.

I do wish I had more inspiration to draw and write. Not getting too much interaction with what I'm doing online so it doesn't feel like a way to socialize and I'm actually desperate for more socialization during this time.

The quest for an extremely large floppy stuffed dog that looks like Spot has been postponed due to the computer quest. Similarly I am barred from buying anything else from Awwful Adopts, Lil Sprout Care, and Blvucci. Will showed me a browser extension that blocks certain website access from your browser. I use it to bar me from aimlessly searching stuffed dogs on eBay for four hours.

Hold me to this promise. No Awwful Adopts, No LilSproutCare, and no Blvucci. If I brag about getting the Blvucci glow in the dark hoodie and it wasn't because I won a free one, you are all encouraged to spam mean names into my message inbox and hit me with things.

I have materials to make custom sized collars and bandannas for my stuffed dogs but I just don't feel up to learning to sew. I know how to do 1. A ladder stitch and 2. Several types of knots. So all I can technically do is fix small holes in stuffed animals.

It's technically my bedtime but I don't feel able to sleep right now so I'm just writing this update.

My friend made art of Spot for me and it is very nice so I'll share it tomorrow.

Keeping my mind active talking about my day and my plans stops me from thinking about sad things, but it also prevents me from sleeping. I just wish that there was something to look forward to tomorrow. It's gonna be another hot do nothing stay home day.

Maybe soon we will get to go to the lake.

Anyways, I'll try updating you all more. Maybe post more memes and things that have mostly been going on over at twitter dot com. I keep forgetting to post things here because of how broken Tumblr is on desktop now.

#text post #long post #update

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laptrance · 4 years

Text

July 28, 2020

it’s been over two years since my last entry. so much has changed. to update March 8 2018 me:

you give up on job searching atm until 4/24/18. that’s when you start reaching out to all the promotion companies from kucr. planetary was the other promotion company you remembered besides terrorbird. cirstina was super nice and chill and said they just wrapped internships for the summer but to inquire again for the fall.

you wait those months while still working at mcdonalds. you get good at it and things are second nature to you. you still have moments where you storm out, but you get better at controlling your temper.

you check back in august and cristina says there are positions open in the fall. it was pretty easy as they accepted you right away. you do this bat shit crazy thing where you try to balance the two. planetary internship Tuesday Thursday Friday and McDonald’s the rest of the days. you even do opening shift during the weekends (4am-12pm).

you’re mostly quiet during your internship. you participate in riyl’s. you mainly talk to cristina while mailing. you don’t open up much until hayoung joins in november i think. mcdonalds is the same as usual, but your sleep schedule’s FUKED UP.

you hear in december that maria (who worked in publicity) is quitting. cristina encourages you to apply. you talk with adam and the interview tbh goes horribly. not like you didn’t have anything to say, but everything you said was wrong LOL. you also talk to george and ben and they lay out what press does but you dont catch any of that.

christmas office party happens and you drink a lot. you open up a lot to EVERYONE, iNCLUDING BEN about your love life (embarrassing) you’re obviously too drunk to drive home, but you stay over the night with nik and alison (goth bless their souls)

you check in with adam on the position occasionally until feb. 2019 when he breaks the bad news. the position’s filled. like how can you be surprised? but you’re still upset. you’re able to turn this as a positive to use your experiences to boost your resume.

you continue to work at mcdonalds and interview at places until you get a random email from adam exactly one year after you first emailed cristina about the internship. adam offers you the job. ofc you accept. you quit mcdonalds and start with planetary on may 1.

learning publicity is one hell of a learning curve. heck, you’re still learning how to do shit even now. but you’re thrown on the deep end with Luna. not your fault. not totally kristen’s fault. but that was a crazy client.

anyways, your sleep schedule’s still fucked up because of your commute. but at least you have free weekends now!

some highlights of 2019: you finally get a macbook! but you have a galaxy s9 as a phone lmfao. placements in The Line of Best Fit and Paste! you get absolutely entranced with warehouse raves. you literally go to at least once a month. falling in love with queen of jeans and linking up with their publicist Jamie Coletta (she’s super cool and the best at the game), going on two (2) dates with a really nice girl named sara. you got in your head and probably fucked that up. but it really wasn’t the time. christmas party 2019. same shenanigans but this time you don’t drink as much. you really look for places to move out to with ryan and he finds a house that angeli and linda live. two people are moving out and the rooms go for $500 and $600. you get the $500 room and are set to move in on Feb 16 2020. news of a disease called coronavirus is first detected in china. this will be important later.

oh 2020. what a shite year. if i told myself the things i’ll write down below i would not believe it. but here it is. everything that has happened so far in 2020:

first cases of coronavirus appear in washington on january. you’re not too concerned about it.

you’re working this country artist aminah hughes and land a placement in american songwriter for January 31 (1st time!). there are some issues and they post it one day later, but you weren’t as attentive as you should’ve been over the weekend.

adam talks to you about it the following monday (2/3) in a really calm matter but you beat yourself up over it. so much so that on your way home, you totally don’t notice a pedestrian crossing galloping hills and eucalyptus and run them over. everything feels like a blur, but you’re able to talk to the police, karen, and kimberly (state farm) about it. you take tuesday-thursday off.

you move in (night before you saw bored lord and octo octa until 3am wtf). you don’t have a car (for obvious reasons), but you’re able to commute to work via bus/subway (which you would’ve done anyway cause you love public transportation lol)

you’re able to return to normal life mostly until middle march. cases of the newly named COVID-19 have spread throughout the united states and you hear of workspaces transitioning over to work from home operations. planetary soon follows suit. our last day in the office is march 13.

literally the week after you start wfh animal crossing new horizons comes out. that keeps you busy for like two, three months tops. it’s also a nice way to keep in touch with friends.

your first therapy session happens on march 31. you’re able to talk about the accident, but it’s quickly directed to self-esteem. it’s an ongoing process, but you’re slowly advancing. it’s not linear, but it’s better than doing nothing.

Bandcamp establishes “Bandcamp Day”, 24 hour periods in which the site’s share of profits go directly to artists/labels. Started in April, will continue through the end of 2020. All the money I would normally spend on concerts goes here now. That and I fall to the hands of food delivery apps (door dash wins)

your campaign with Atta Boy gets going. first track premieres at Atwood Magazine (2nd time! [1st time was with sophia st. helen, another awesome client]). band’s super happy about it (even mr. josh brolin himself gave a shout out [bias ofc]). by the end of may you land their second single on THE MOTHERFUCKING FADER (1ST TIME OBVIOUSLY).

everything else is going surprisingly well for the most part (except for elp, but i don’t wanna talk about those fucking idiots) despite the ever-changing landscape of music journalism. huge blogs are letting people go while smaller sites are remaining mostly the same.

On May 25, George Floyd is murdered by Minneapolis police which sparks the biggest wave of activity in the Black Lives Matter movement since Michael Brown’s death in 2014. organizing/activism is still going on to this day (7/28).

For me personally, I’m making a conscious effort to highlight Black artists on my Bandcamp days and general sharing of music. I also joined a book club (6/18) and read “Are Prisons Obsolete” in its entirety. We’re currently reading a comic series called Bitch Planet. Deep and meaningful conversations.

the family hears news of Lola’s declining health. June 23rd (Manila time) is the day she passes away. We’re all able to say our last goodbyes via facebook video call. this is the first time i see my dad cry.

funeral takes place on june 27th. we’re able to partake in the ceremony via zoom. the first and only funeral i “attended” online (so far).

I start “fixing” myself physically. I went to physical therapy from 6/8-7/7. the exercises do wonders to my knees (ty dr. bailey!). also saw a dermatologist on 7/10. really quick appt. kinda felt rushed imo, but i was given a special sunscreen that works so far? also recommended otc meds like claritin.

ended campaign with atta boy. really sad to see them go. currently coordinating with their new managers on a possible podcast and press setup.

and that’s pretty much it! it’s a lot of shit, i know, but it happened all within 2 years. overall i’d say we were pretty successful in finding a big-girl job and MOVING OUT, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LMFAO. as for the shit you were hung up on with angelica, you’re so much better now, but you think about the good memories from time to time. sometimes it gets you down, but you’re thankful for the memories (come through fallout boy LMFAO AHAHA FALLOUT AMIRIGHT) and you learned from your mistakes. maybe it will be another two years before i leave another update, might be less, might be more.

but i’m extremely proud at how far i’ve come.

im proud of you, me.

#personal #do people still tag personal stuff as personal?#do people still read tags the way they do?#or is it just for clout chasing now. idk

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unmotivatedintrovert · 4 years

Text

May 29, 2020

I have good news... today wasn’t horrible!

I spent a lot of time today researching how to edit tumblr themes with the HTML code and it went okay. I learned a lot. I’ve been researching for hours and I’ve had a lot of fun.

I feel like I learned a lot about myself too today because at first, I was trying to read a “how-to” post I saw. It helped a little but not much. I then tried to find some tumblr themed discord servers so I could ask questions on there. None of them helped me but I did possibly make some friends. I’ll keep you guys updated! Anyway, I then I decided I was just going to go for it and so I picked the things I didn’t like about the theme I was using and started doing research on these specific things and how to fix them instead of reading an overview on how to use the HTML code. For example, my description text was not centered when I wanted it to be, so I started googling how to center the description text. I eventually found this tumblr post. At first I was confused but I somehow figured it out. This tumblr post also helped me a lot with changing the text fonts/size. I literally just edited a free theme that anyone can easily find on here and it does basically look the same. But, I’m proud and I had a lot of fun. I still have a few more things I want to edit but hopefully my friend will help me tomorrow.

Unfortunately I have a ganglion cyst in my wrist so my wrist hurts a lot from all of the researching and such. I think the bump got bigger too which is not good. I need to rest my wrist tomorrow.

I also requested to join a few tumblr groupchats and I got accepted into a musical theater one and I talked a little bit with the other members in it and they were all extremely nice. Hopefully I’ll continue to talk in it.

AND one of my favorite youtubers liked my comment!

I also want to talk a little bit about the Black Lives Matter movement. I had a few friends today not know anything about the Blacks Lives Matter movement and so I got to explain it to them. It’s important EVERYONES educated in that. If you don’t know what’s going on basically this black man named George Floyd was being arrested by 4 police officers. Although George was not resisting arrest, the 4 police officers tackled him and started choking him. There’s a video of him saying “I can’t breathe” while he is being choked to death. It makes me really mad that people are being like AlL lIvEs mAtTEr. Yes, they do. BUT the point of the movement is that, by racists, black people are not seen as mattering. The movement isn’t about white people being less than, it’s about African Americans being treated as equals. Here is a petition you can sign.

I also want to make it known that I am very white and I want to make sure my intentions are clear when I speak about this as well as making sure I am never overstepping or offending anyone. If I say something inaccurate or hurtful, please tell at me. I want to spread awareness not make it worse than it already is. This tweet explains what I mean exactly.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk a little bit about that. Everyone needs to do their part in spreading awareness.

It’s almost 4am so goodnight!

Also, I created an “about me” page so please go check it out!

#diary #dear diary #my day #my diary #spilled thoughts #thoughts #daily life #daily diary #my day today #my words #daily post

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fromherlips · 7 years

Note

F, I, K, L, V ☺️

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Dammit Marisa, you’re making me do work. Jkjkjkjkjk. I’m always lazy and choose the same line from Cake where Soledad is talking about Vera seeing Harry naked but you know what, I’m going to switch it up and find ya something better (though nothing will ever beat the DP line. Ever).

Okay, I’ve decided to go with the following bit here from chapter 26 of Cake for Breakfast and it’s not really a full scene because I read through a dozen Cake chapters and all of IYA and nothing was jumping out at me (which is what I get for answering these at 4AM):

“I know. That’s the worst part,” I sighed. I knew I could trust Liam, that he would be the shoulder I needed to lean on and the voice of reason in my life. And still, I tried to hide it from him in hopes of the problem disappearing before anyone caught on. “I had a bad week, which I guess is better than a bad month or a bad year, but it’s not as easy as just one bad day.”

I think I’m mostly just proud of it for that last sentence for personal reasons, which also means for Vera related reasons. It was something that I found important to learn for myself and I think it was one of those moments in the story where Vera started to really understand what was going on with herself and start opening up about it fully to Liam, and therefore everyone else around her. So yeah, I liked that little bit for sentimental purposes :)

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I have zero guilty pleasures in life besides binge eating cookie butter cheesecake bites from Trader Joe’s while standing in front of the freezer at midnight while my roommates sleep peacefully so they cannot judge my gluttony. But dammit, if I’m not a slut for fake dating.

I answered K in Nat’s post!

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Thanks to my lovely beta who works harder than she needs to, I have become the absolute laziest piece of garbage when it comes to editing. Honestly, she should fire me because I think I usually read it once before I send it to her, let her go through it, and depending on how soon I want to update, once or twice more just to make sure I’ve included everything I wanted to and ensure that neither of us missed anything.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I would never be able to tackle anybody else’s work, but I’d be a lying scumbag if I said that I didn’t want a sequel to Pretending to Pretend. YEAH, I’M THROWIN’ IT BACK TO JBFA DAYS. I was too young to fully appreciate that fic, and yet here I am, wishing I could write the sequel. I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

#liambaeyne #ask

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sinangoral2017-blog · 7 years

Photo

[07.29.17] i recognize that i am ridiculously behind on writing this post, so for those of you who have still been keeping along, i am very sorry! i can explain! let’s rewind.

the in-limbo period of time that i had in between japan and iceland was chaotic, to say the least. consumed with fixing things around the house (our ac broke so i had to readjust the fan unit outside), visiting mom at work, and gearing up for iceland, i got really busy. i was always hoping to write about my downtime in minnesota because, after all, it would’ve been one of the highlights of the summer (I LOVE MINNESOTA). ultimately, i just never had the chance.

in either case, wifi in iceland turned out to be far more limited than i had originally predicted. since i slept in my car most of the nights (more on that later), the only wifi i had access to was when i was filling up at a gas station. even those connections were weak, so the prospect of uploading any text entries, let alone photographs, were minimal. i was sad to admit to myself that the trip couldn’t be shared with you all as i lived it. instead, it had to be relayed after the fact upon my return to the states.

now that things have calmed down a bit and i’m living a slow and sleepy minnesota life, i can take some time to update you and share with you some of the trip’s highlights. though it’s pretty difficult to walk you through 11 days in iceland in one post, i’ll try to do my best.

it makes sense to start with the disappointing email i received from a mycology professor upon taxiing to my gate in iceland, saying that he had decided to take a last minute vacation and couldn’t meet up with me. understandably, these sorts of things happen, but i was pretty bummed that one of my connections had to back out. luckily, my other connections (who were a married couple at the iceland academy of the arts) and i were to meet towards the end of my trip, so in a matter of minutes, i was a free bird with no agenda. as such, i landed in iceland with a certain restlessness that, for some reason, urged me to just hit the road as quickly as i could.

my shuttle bus from the airport to my rental car location was 6 hours late, so i had to bum around the airport. i know – first world problems – but with that agitation that was boiling inside of me to just get rolling, i started to go nuts. nonetheless, several hours later, a sweetheart girl, who couldn’t be more than 19 years old, picked me up. she insisted on carrying my duffel bag and backpack. i could tell that she could tell that i felt a little weird about it. seemingly reciting a speech that she likely gave to many idiotic american males before me, she explained to me how iceland is one of the most feminist, forward-looking, and optimistic countries. as we drove off in the 14 passenger van and she slam-shifted the burly van’s gear shift, i couldn’t help but notice that she was enjoying my slight surprise.

well, i picked up my rental car (a five-speed fiat panda that was a joke compared to my female friend’s bus), bought a map, and hit the road, traveling north towards reykjavik. the only plan i had decided on was to drive through reykjavik and ignore the city, promising myself that i’d spend ample time there upon my return. and so, i kept driving north on the ring road (highway number 1), taking my time, stopping every couple of kilometers or so to soak up the scenery. i took about an hour to stop at a “bonus,” which was the equivalent of a small-sized costco, to pick up sandwich meats, bread, and preservable food. i had heard the horror stories about the food prices in iceland, so i made it a goal to live off of my own concoctions for at least the first six days.

since i knew i would be living out of the panda for the majority of my eleven day trip, i made it a goal to compartmentalize the car into different zones. blame it on my architectural brain, or occasional obsession with specificity, but i had to get comfortable in the car.

the front passenger seat was dedicated to brushing my teeth, trimming my beard, making coffee, and changing clothes, while the driver’s seat was for… driving. nothing too weird up in the first half of the panda.

the rear seat was dedicated for sleeping, but only sort of. since my rather large body didn’t fit easily back there, i would sleep on my left side and swing my legs up through the center console and rest them in the passenger seat. when i’d get tired of this position in the middle of the night, i’d switch sides and sleep on my right side. strangely enough, it felt too awkward to let my feet rest in the driver’s seat when i was in this position, but after the third or fourth night, i found it pretty comfortable to hang my foot off the gear lever if i parked the car in first, third, or fifth. the miserable techniques of an aspiring architect.

the rear hatch was dedicated solely to food, as i ate out of a ‘kitchen’ that i built in the trunk of the panda. two cardboard boxes housed all the plastic cutlery, toilet paper, and rolls of paper towels that i had stolen from the airport. after all, i had to do something productive with my 6+ hours, and i had made the mistake of finishing my book on the plane. i kept all my deli meats, cheeses, jelly, and spreads inside high quality ziploc bags inside an equally heavy duty plastic bag, which i hung from the exterior rear windshield wiper of the panda. this way, i could prevent insect buildup. in addition, the weather was pretty cold overall, so i took advantage of the icy rain and cold wind while i drove and slept to naturally refrigerate my food. with the exception of some dirt that entered the bag on the eastern parts of iceland, this technique worked out pretty well for me.

to compliment my weird program divisions inside the panda, i developed a strict routine of eating, resting, refilling fuel, and begging for free hot water for my french press that i had brought along. strangely enough, it was through this chronology that i was able to tell what time of the day it was, since the all-day brightness was so disorienting. all in all, i charted my travels, favorite locations, and quirky experiences on the aforementioned map, notating for myself as many things as i could recall from the day. i’m hoping to pin up this map on my apartment’s wall when i return to pittsburgh.

i’m going to sound stupid if i try to describe what i saw - it was just too beautiful. color was surreal, mostly because the abundant grays made everything else feel so saturated and accented. while i’ll let the photographs speak for themselves (there’s just no way i can try to explain how beautiful iceland’s landscapes actually are), i’ll share with you two existential moments that i had along my travels, which adequately color the trip for what it was. the first involves a bunch of multicolored sheep at 4am, and the second involves a hitchhiker that i met along the road.

after around the fifth night, having a full night’s rest became a great difficulty, and i started to have lucid dreams as i fell in and out of sleep. this particular night, i woke up to find that what i had thought was an ingenious plan to hang black tshirts from my rollup windows to block sunlight was actually a horrible decision. a zillion mosquitos were in my car. not 10, not 100. a bagilion. just like the horror movies. i had idiotically parked near a marsh/swamp for the night, and all the stupid insects had crawled through the gaps in the windows. here’s an excerpt from an email i wrote to an important friend about the event, which adequately captures my inner turmoil:

despite the success of this leg of the trip with camping inside the car, last night was a disaster. i woke up to ten thousand mosquitoes inside the panda at 445a because i'm an idiot and fool and i left the windows open because i'm an idiot and fool. i knew nothing else than to drive like a madman with windows down for two hours to get rid of them, eventually ending up in little town. weather is overwhelmingly foggy and don’t want to drive because it's a bit unsafe. i can't see these ****ing suicidal sheep that come out of god's **s onto the road and baaaaaa and bleep around. and the farmers spray paint their butts to know whose is whose so i just see these little pink and blue and red butts galloping towards and away from me through the fog. it's slightly poetic but also so maddening. and i guess, at this point, i break down, knowing that this hell is sent from the gods and that they're rightfully directed at me. ***k ***k ***k stupid sheep ***k.

i don’t think i can look at sheep in the same way, to be honest.

several days later, on a random impulse, i decided to pickup a hitchhiker that i found just outside of hella, iceland. jeanne, who turned out to be a total sweetheart, was french-canadian. we stuck together for the whole day, visited a couple of waterfalls, and talked about the weirdest stuff. later, we stopped by the side of the road and pet some random horses. wouldn’t you? it’s amazing how comfortable you can get with someone you don’t know and know you likely won’t see again, simply in light of the fact that you are both blank slates to each other. you have nothing to lose. so those several hours we spent together were really nice.

my time with jeanne also made me realize how lonely a solo traveler can feel in iceland. again – first world problems – but a reality for me, nonetheless. iceland, no matter how grateful i was for the experience, should’ve been absorbed with someone else, at the very least. it was just too beautiful and esoteric to have been lived through alone. i find that relaying my experiences with my mom and minnesota friends has become quite difficult, because the picturesque scenery i’m trying to depict seem exaggerated. and as cathartic and uplifting as iceland was for my health, i wish i had shared that with someone else as well.

when i finally finished the long loop around iceland, i had three to four days to soak up reykjavik, so i checked in at the cheapest hostel i could find and explored the city by foot. i had great beer, good grocery-store food, and occasional splurges on drip coffee. it was during this time that the married couple i was scheduled to meet informed me of a sudden family emergency – one which forced them to fly out of the country last minute.

this brings me to the guilt that i felt about missing out on my mycology connections in iceland, despite how much it was out of my control. i keep asking myself: what if i had planned for just one more resource? was three really enough? of course, i know that these things happen, and that i should learn from this, but an underlying sense of embarrassment still resides. originally, i had hoped to visit japan and iceland to soak up 50% of research and knowledge from both, but i’m now realizing how naïve that was. iceland, in the end, turned out to compliment japan as a therapeutic release from my everyday worries – something that arguably is extremely important, especially as i delve into my fifth and final year of school – but also something which admittedly steers away from the original thesis-based proposal i had put forward to carnegie mellon.

i was lucky enough to fly through boston, both on my way to and from iceland, and see several important people in my life. i stayed with nick, who was my best friend and roommate at grinnell college before i transferred. though i wasn’t able to see the wonderful temple rea, i got to annoy his awesome sister, walton, for an afternoon. i even got to see the handsome and well-dressed kyle wing in the city, which was a blast. the rest of my time was spent soaking up the boston public library, perusing random bookstores, and gawking at MIT’s media lab and campus. ultimately, boston was a wonderful reprise for me as i get ready to return to pittsburgh.

i have spend quite some time wondering if i should keep this blog going or not. i likely will for thesis, but i’m not sure if i’ll start a new one or just continue on this platform. more on that after i talk with my advisers on the matter. i think i need a springboard for thoughts, i just don’t know if i should start over or not.

nonetheless, i’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunities i’ve had throughout this summer to travel, learn, and live. i still cannot believe how this fantasy became a reality, so to my donors, department, university, and mom’s patience, thank you.

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modiintrainguy · 5 years

Text

7 Nights

You need to make a nice song I can listen to at night time.

Not this grime rap shouting stuff.

3.38

Tel aviv hahagana

It was Krepts birthday yesterday. Fact. I saw it on Instagram. They went to a hotel in manchester. 100-strong squad.

Well nice to start with a detour.

Just shows eh.

Addhdhdhdhdhdhdhdddd

Distraction procrastination whatever it is.

Well to be fair, I usually write nice a focus relatively so what the u know.

But now im avoiding. Which has been the theme of the last few weeks.

So where are we at. Whats going on in this fuckedupheadof mine

With 2 days till the mrs’s birthday and 4 till dad turns up once again.

It appears the painful anxiety has gone gone gone. One minute I couldn’t take it. Next minute I had a sympathetic manager who agrees I need some clarity and structure and says I should use jira.

And bingo.

Now u mightthink ive not written for a while but I actually wrote on paper. Im gonna photograph them paper and post them on tumbling just to keep things in one place.

But anyway

Whats on my mind.

Im gonna list it.

The problem is typing is such a natural relaxant for me I prefer to just type whatevers coming out.

But when I write with a pencil im more specific.

Then again, why is one better than the other.

Nobody knows whats right. Whats gonna help.

List

In no particular order – I keep on thinking I need to put it in order of importance and I cant work out whats the most important!

1. Therapy seems to have come to an abrupt end. I mean I wanted to but im disappointed cos I feel like she got upset and I tried to be polite – all I did was say I didn’t feel like there was a plan, a structure and she got upset.

So now ive got to find someone else I guess.

So maybe I find someone on Maccabi.

But it feels like rejection. I didn’t mean to be unfocused. I didn’t mean to come across like im anti. I wasn’t.

I guess its just time. At least the anxietys gone even though its kind of been replaced with depression.

2. Im confused. Whats going on with my head. What is actually wrong with me. Theres got to be something – im undoubtedly emotionally unstable. I run from fine to fucked up in seconds.

But what is it. Cos if I don’t know what it is then how can we find the solution?

Childhood? Untreated add fuckoing d?

Mother?

Self esteem?

Did T have it all so sorted?

What do I need?

Adddddddddd therapist? Drugs? Whats the matter with me and whats the answer? I neeed a path.

3. Planning the birthday. Get a present. Book the waffle. Go with the girls to the kanyon. Yes.

4. Littlun pottty training isn’t a success.

I wanna give up

Mrs doesn’t

Blames me for getting annoyed.

Fuck this shit.

5. And all this before work work work? New job?

I mean its ok but its not comfortable.

So I wait n see what happens after ice and just get on with it.

The heads rushing

6. Tried to run Friday. Fell over so stopped but felt rubbish

I guess the anxiety was powering my running although today I did 5k and a lot of it on 11.2 2.5 incline

7. Am I being lazy not taking a hold of myself?

I think so but I get stuck.

8. Im being a burden to the mrs.

I wish I wasn’t but I am.

I get upset with the girls

I smacked littlujn for pooing yesterday

9. I want a watch

But do I want the casino for 250

Or ask dad to bring me

Or apple watch plus airpods

Can I afford

10. Money money bills

Ts idea – just do it.

Focus on the solutions not the problem

Easy said. Hard done.

Easier to go to bed.

Do I feel better?

No.

Gonna read that shit book

Whatever. U do ur best.

Gonna do this tonight:

- Think about therapy options – stay or go!

- Book the waffle bar

- Think about what to do when dads here – go away? Invite people for lunch?

PS Morning update. i didnt do any of that stuff.

kids were asleep by 7.45. got uncomfortable. tried to watch man city v arsenal. tried to watch more tv. tried to get meaty washing up done by the time wife came home. she came home while i was doing it. finished it. went to bed while she did a fuck load of other things -washing the covers for the seats and stuff - all cos my dads coming. my dad. not hers.

fucking shit.

woke up at 4am. told her i love her but i hate me cos i all i am is a problem. she said im not for the litteun. or for her (implying i am for the littlerun). i said i am. tried to do meditating. didnt sleep. got up to give litterlun tete. got the kids up went to work. same shit.

can i get out of the funk funk. is a new job the answer? potentially.

being sociable. MadinAmerica? fuck it all.

got to write some copy.

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