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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 111

sigh~~~ I feel that my recent posts are a bit negative towards the anime, but thats cuz the chapters I’ve read so far are either unbelievably important character depth content cut for no valid reason or content in the anime but packed with million other things that it lost its purpose or importance. Basically tohu’s ep 6 which consists of 4 chapters & now ep 5 which is a momiji ep & yup, packed with 4 chapters as well... so, I apologize for any negativity, my intention is just analyzing artistic & story-telling aspects, I love se03, but yeah it screwed up lots of important characters due to its not so thorough plot decisions & harmful character insight choices.

today.. we explore Momiji... but only before his curse breaks.

Furuba anime struggling to know how to design an episode based on various plot-heavy chapters?

so, they decided 13 eps, & decided one ep for momiji cuz motoko’s graduation & the fanclub is the core of the furuba & have already cut tons of tohru, cuz who cares? she’s kind. be like her. end of lesson. No. really, jokes aside, how to do this?

How to combine several chapters in one ep? collect small snippets from chosen chapters/content like a bee does flowers? you gotta skip some content, you gotta highlight others. The ep is only 20 min after all & you got an op & Ed that you cant always skip.... so.. furuba team decide that momoji’s ep should be true to his zodiac animal, this is the rabbits last appearance in spirit. so, they went with quick hopping from one chapter to the other like a rabbit?

No really, ep 5 is really like a rabbit in its flow, you can’t savior a moment enough before jumping to the other: we learned momiji grew up!! loves toheu romantically, challenged kyo, really meant it, wanted a fair love game, got freed, lost tohru romantically & faced momiji! but that’s not all? we still have space!! quick add akito’s moodiness & love triangle with her dog & her submissive bed partner, add a happy comedy for no reason whatever & make shigue kiss tohru & wish shes 'was his lover instead!!!!!!!!! Mind you all this happened in the anime before shigure hurt tohru with his “the truth of the zodiacs talk & them accepting & feeling consolance that kyo is doomed”talk.

-Gets whats my biggest surprise after reading this chapter ?????????

Shigure is consistent!! He isnt a rabbit hopping here & there. The dog is loyal & is tired for good reason! Him being depressed & his weird talk with thoru makes so much sense given the manga’s order.

Kyo is consistent!! In the anime, momiji surprise him with confession he loves tohru & challenge him, then kyo la~la~la~joins them downstairs for curry. Not a single expression on his face, where is the expression? it will appear when the plot is forced to address it: by the end of the ep when momiji face hin again. Then we get kyo’s reaction.

I need someone to tell the anime that actions require a reaction. You can refrain from showing a certain reaction if you can’t address it now, but you can’t erase it, negate it, then make it appear when have to!!!! couldn’t they make kyo refuse to join them & eat together? the other characters wont be surprised they think he’s needlessly moody. The audience will know that kyo is troubled with momiji’s challenged & it will excite them!!! having kyo just go eat & watch the momiji/hiro/haru/yuki comedy skit is weird.

The manga’s author wanted kyo to join the dinner, like the anime did. but huge difference. the author actually cares for logic reaction & understands that the audience aren’t dumb little kids that will sit & wait for kyo’s turn to...react! nope! she did this: (a) & (b) below.

-Lost Small Bits/ Panels from the chapter.. But Sadly Big Huge Chunks for Characters buildup & Growth:

(a) addressed the fact the hiro noticed kyoru is in love & dressed that shigure was right!! the cat being in love is a weird concept to the zodiacs! hiro reacted naturally & the author used hiro to flesh yuki’s (the rat), momiji’s (the rabbit) & haru’s (the cow) decision to silently watch the kyo (the cat) makes his own decisions to live!!! They won’t interfere or tell akito or remind him of his state as the doomed caged cat. So sad this moment is cut from yuki. Why must yuki only interact with kyo to beat him (all seasons)? why must yuki only think of kyo to envy him (all seasons) ? Here, yuki’s growth towards kyo as a person & his relationship with tohru is 1000 times better than all tohru is my mom’s sh!t & I envy kyo’s Sh!t we saw in the anime over & over till we memorized it.

(b) kyo didnt just go la~la~eat with momiji after knowing he loves tohru. Nope, there’s small bits missing: called logical emotional reaction. He was surprised he’s caught pining over tohru! cuz yuki, the audience representative, has told us in the previous chapter that ppl in love dont notice anything around them. Kyo thinks him being cold hid his feelings. the dummy’s feelings are as bright as the sun in the Sahara, tohru too. a child read her! such small thing that wont take much space from the ep but was cut cuz kyo only needs to be responsive at the ep’s end. & this scene of kyo & tohru looking awkwardly at each other is minor in space but so important cuz kyo is determined to let go but his decision is challenged by not only momiji, but his natural attraction to tohru. Here he knows he’s caught & exposed... here he knows momiji is a better choice for tohru cuz he wont didn’t hurt her mom... here he knows that even yuki is better cuz never had to pretend to be cold to her... here he knows the world is better than him... & here he just cant help by smile & walks towards her... T_T ... another lesson in writing slow burns by Takaya-san.

-Why would the anime team pass on this?? drawing kyoru closer after the epic tear in Cinderella ep, cuz they want empty suspense~! The anime team thinks that if kyo & tohru stand next to each other, then it means all their issues are solved & the audience are so stupid as to forget tohru’s mom, kyo’s imprisonment, kyo not confessing his sins to tohru & tohru’s need to make a choice wether to fogive hom or not.. nope! you see, they think, ppl who read mangas are smart, so the author can give this epic symbolism & pp would still be not sure kyoru is end game & tohru will forgive him or kyo even fogive himself, but ppl who watch, oh no, gotta cut all the plot worthy content, produce a graduation song for a minor character, cut all kyo/tohru interaction cuz it only means romance & not at all character depth & oh if we show yuki actually formulating deep thoughts that aren’t centered around him, the audience might forget his se02 struggles! or that might ruin yuki’s upcoming growth moment in the finale where he .. you guessed it hits kyo.. as he always do & sulk & think abt himself cuz yuki can only do monologues when he’s directly involved.... man~it is so sad how the anime is dumped down.. Who is the target audience again? not kids as young as hiro cuz even hiro is smart!

-just look:

Momiji talks abt kyo shouldn't give up loving tohru & the authr shows this this ghost!!! his mom! The author reminds us that kyo isnt da~~~~ forgetting anything. He’s a deeply troubled soul & hos mom wants him locked cuz she too was locked in a cage & thinks that’s safer...why oh why you dump ur own story! sh!t~

Side Notes:

I like the closeups on Kisa’s face as she interacted with kyo. It’s very rare for kisa to have a world beside the endearing parental/big protective bro/big doting sister love she has with tohru & haru & off course the romantic love with hiro which was perhaps since their birth or sth. lol. Kisa & kyo arent much on the brotherly side as they rarely interact, but its one of those refreshing interactions she has that helps cast a new light on her as tiny as it is, but its sth out of the norm around her. She sees him around tohru & gets to perceive his true unprovoked character. “He is nice guy”.

I really wanted to punch kureno this chapter.. like Shigure is a jerk shitty dog for sleeping with akito’s mom but kureno... dude.. you submissively sleep with the guy’s eternal love interest & still walks in on him talking to her!!! lol. you’re mentally, emotionally & physically weaker than him & yet, she puts you on her bed, not him & you, tho not wanting her at all, dont walk away. No wonder shigure is defeated & wishing for someone like tohru, lol! Even if shigure met an older tohru-like person, it wont work. shigure deserve someone like him mean, schemer & loves playing power games. Tohru is someone who values honesty & commutation, not saying she’s an angel on earth, but tohru knows who suits her.. except fate is saying: NO. .... currently. lol.

I know kureno’s weakness is part of his character & I love that such characters exits. There are ppl ike that in real life. It’s just this chapter, I felt shigure’s frustration. XD

Yuki in this ep is the best yuki. no exaggeration here, I love when yuki is calmly thoughtful of others & here its kyo of all ppl !!!! cutting this scene is sad.. without it, kyo & yuki remain a cat & rat in the anime. Only ever thinking abt each other thro envious binoculars or hateful words or yuki giving kyo comedic hitting or life’s problem-solving hitting. Why can’t anime yuki be interactive outside his self-centered issues is beyond me.

Momiji & kyo’s interactions are always the best! whether comedy or drama.

I hated the curry cooking scene in the anime... so weirdly out of the ep’s flow.. very forced comedy... in the manga it had a purpose! not just quick add comedy cuz next shot momiji curse breaks & drama & we’ll close the ep with tears & sadness & glimpses of hope...

I love haru’s answer to hiro... so him.. “a guy can’t fall in love?”so chill.. so..simple.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #manga spoilers #fruits basket manga #manga review #sad paper #mad paper #I'm having shitty personal day dont mind me #sorry for extra anger #if it sounds like I;m screaming or shouting #I'm not i swear #I really love the anime & se03 is the best content among the other seasons #its just have big giant issues in plot & characters....

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beyondxmeasure · 2 years

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Annual Writing Review

Thank you to @littleroverlouis @allwaswell16 @brightgolden and @thinlinez for tagging me in this.

1. Number of stories posted on AO3 in 2021: 8

2. Word count posted for the year: 176,210 Total. 166,050 (One Direction) 10,160 (Schitt’s Creek)

Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Schitt’s Creek

Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson; David Rose/Patrick Brewer

Story with the most: Kudos: A Simple Twisted Fate Bookmarks: A Simple Twisted Fate Comments: Freedom Always Comes With a Price

Work I'm most proud of (and why): Freedom Always Comes With a Price because it took me so long to complete. I had so many various obstacles along the way, and it became such a hard story to finish with a really complicated plot line. It made me rethink writing something that size ever again, but I have to remind myself that I essentially wrote a novel in just under a year (and only my second work posted for the fandom), so no matter what, it’s a pretty big accomplishment.

Work I'm least proud of (and why): Longing Like a Searchlight. Although I am very proud of this work, it felt a bit thrown together at the last minute, and I wasn’t able to execute it exactly how I envisioned it in my head, nor put the final polish with editing on it like I usually do. But I’ve got a lot of positive feedback, so that makes me proud. Someday, I will go back and spruce it up a bit!

Share or describe a favorite review you received: “I’ve never seen anyone weave in real life quotes and references so seamlessly. It was honestly my favorite part, so thank you.” I love this because one of my favorite things to do is sneak in interview quotes, fandom jokes or references like Easter eggs and see who notices. It’s always nice to hear about it when they do!

A time when writing was really, really hard: IDK?? Writing is always hard! I have very little time to do it with how much I work and struggle to stay focused with my ADHD, so I can’t think of any specific time except ALL the time! Hahaha. But I have recently discovered deep focus/binaural music on YouTube and Spotify that has been a total game changer for me. I live in my noise-canceling headphones now.

A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you: Almost all of Twisted Fate, mostly because I had a completely different second half planned out and changed it the week before I posted it. Completely scrapped 8k words with 10k new ones in 4 days. Utter chaos! LOL.

A favorite excerpt of your writing: Taken from I Know You Rider (Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone) Louis squeezes his eyes shut. Just as they enter the last tunnel, a firm hand splays warm across his back, long fingers wrapping around his middle to pull him in close. Louis’ arms land easily around Harry’s shoulders. Another hand ghosts across Louis’ neck, thumbing along his cheekbone and closing the distance. Warm breath washes over his lips. His fingertips knead into the supple skin of the back of Harry’s neck, letting the short, blunt edges of his nails scratch gently at the nape, coaxing him on. Their lips press together, hot, wet, and urgent. They’re strangers in the dark, but they find each other with ease and fit into each other’s space as if they’re meant to be there, warming themselves with glowing embers that have grown from a single spark. Louis loses himself in the scent and taste and feel of this boy close against his skin. His head is swimming with desire. Everything in this moment is a blur, a rush to all his senses, but the one thing that breaks through the fog in his mind is that he needs more, more, more.

How did you grow as a writer for this year: Last year my brother got me a subscription to Masterclass, so I used some of what I learned in those lessons. I continued the subscription this year as a gift to myself, so I hope to binge a lot more this new year. I didn’t take enough time to use it, so that’s another goal of mine!

How do you hope to grow next year: See above (More Masterclass) but also, write less and write more. Use fewer words to write better work, but also write more stories… shorter, less involved fics. Conquer my fear of the drabbles and ficlets.

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): So many! But off the top of my head, I would say @zanniscaramouche probably because she was such an amazing and patient beta. She gave me tons of great constructive criticism and advice that has really stuck with me and pointed out a lot of my challenges that I can easily spot and fix now. I have noticed my writing has improved a lot just by keeping her tips in mind anytime I write.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Not that I can think of, but I rarely pull from my own experiences (for plot ideas anyway). But I did recently have an idea for a Christmas fic. I didn’t have time to write that has a lot of myself in the characterization of Louis. Planning on turning it into an advent fic! 🤞

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Outlining is your friend! I used to be a ‘panster’ with everything I wrote, and would just start with the beginning of an idea and write. But now I outline everything, even if it’s just rough notes or a semblance of a brainstorm. I have to see my story arc from start to finish on paper before I write. I usually use the ‘beat sheet’ method/template and plot out each idea for that point in the storyline. The nice thing about this is that whenever I get stuck somewhere, it allows me to jump around to another section and always be writing, so I’m not waiting to get out of my writer’s block before I can move forward. At least I’m making progress somewhere. Then I just cobble all the pieces together later and fill in the gaps, if any.

Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: My Big Bang, Fitness Instructor Harry, maybe my Eroda Fest??, and an advent fic with an idea I had this past Christmas but didn’t have time for, and a few other ideas…

Tag some writers whose answer you'd like to read.

I’m sure I’m tagging people that have already done this or have been tagged. But here goes anyway! Love you all… play if you want, ignore if you don’t.

@twopoppies @chloehl10 @solvetheminourdreams @casuallyhl @soldouthaz @bottomlinsons @2tiedships2 @falsegoodnight @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @canonlarry @outropeace @itjustkindahappened @softfonds @dehydratedpool @sadaveniren @afangirlfantasy @daggerandrose @herefortommo @queenbeeharry @gaycousinlarry

Happy New Year!

#tag games #2021 year in review #fic writing review #cyantific writes #cyantific fics #writing review #my writing by the numbers #one direction fan fiction #1d fanfiction

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blog4snape · 3 years

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What if I Meant it? (2)

Pairing: (young) Severus Snape (M) x Reader (F)

Genre: Fluff with some soft angst

Rating: Citrus (very safe for work)

Summary: A follow-up from the previous chapter. After Severus leaves your classroom, you notice he left his book behind.

Warnings: *spoilers* invasion of privacy

Word Count: 1.7K

Date Written: 9/10/2020

~~~~

June 18th, 1978

After Severus left your classroom in a huff, you sighed, turning your gaze over to the indentation he had left in the pit. He had forgotten his book. You pulled yourself up from your chair and crossed the room to the fortress of pillows, gingerly picking up the discarded item. The book opened naturally to an outlined message, the words smudged from constant touch. Several pages were folded into the shape of a heart with notes written hastily into the inner margins. Curious, you squinted your eyes trying to read the blotched and scribbled writing in the inner corner of the book. Your face flushed, immediately snapping the book shut and holding it farther away from you.

After a moment of collecting yourself, you stared down at the cover of his book. It was an outdated divination book, one he must have gotten from a secondhand book shop for next to nothing. ‘But then again,’ you thought to yourself, ‘all of divination is quite outdated.” You scratched your scalp.

In your syllabus and throughout the first week of classes, you had expressed that there was no need for any of your students to buy the books. You didn’t require any of your students to purchase divination books, as most of the lessons you taught were hands-on anyway and the books were frankly full of rubbish. Tracing a finger over the worn-out cover, you smiled softly to yourself. Severus was an excellent listener--it couldn’t have been a mishearing--he must have taken an interest in the subject to go out of his way to purchase a divination book.

‘Or in you.’ The words floated in your head, reminding you of the notes you had just seen scratched into the book still in your hands.

You sighed, laying in the pit. It was still warm from where Severus had been resting, and you caught a hint of the scent of pine and lavender that would tend to cling to him. You opened the book once more, flipping through the notes he had written.

“That dunderhead Potter wasn’t paying attention to the lesson on Ichthyomancy. He got slapped by the fish we were working with today-”

You laughed, remembering the giant trout that smacked James Potter’s face last week when he decided to mess with it during your lesson after your instruction not to. “You deserved it, Potter,” you laughed, causing other students to follow your footsteps. You said it then and you’d say it again now.

“-It was pretty great, even the professor laughed at him. She has a cute laugh.”

As your eyes traveled further down the page, seeing what Severus thought of your laugh made it halt in your throat. Your cheeks burned as you continued to read the comments he wrote. The majority of all of the writing was about divination class- most of them were notes he had written from the lectures. You allowed yourself to have a new teacher’s proud grin, seeing that he was getting a lot out of your lessons. But as you kept turning pages, you found yourself appearing in the margins more and more. Not all of the words were about you, but many of them mentioned you in some way or another.

‘I told her I had taken quite a liking to ferns. The next week she waved me over after class with a huge smile on her face. She looked so excited. She gave me a tiny fern plant whose sparse fronds had yet to unfurl.’

Next to the note was a small doodle of a baby fern. You grinned, it was the cutest drawing you’ve ever seen.

‘She tutored me after class today. She told me to “keep up the good work” and hugged me afterward.’

You nodded, glad to help your students feel more confident in their abilities and glad that Severus Snape was one of them.

‘She baked us biscuits because we all got high marks on the test last week. They tasted good.’

You smiled, happy to know your students liked your gifts. For every test they aced, you would give your students biscuits as a reward. You figured the upperclassmen deserved a treat every now and then, as they’re usually stressing about the OWLs and their NEWT classes.

‘She has pretty eyes.’

Your smile faded. You had to read that line again. You adjusted the book in your hands, moving one hand to your temple. Were you reading that right?

‘She held me while I cried. It was all I’ve ever wanted. I want her to hold me again.’

‘She doesn’t want to tell me about who she saw that night. But, she didn’t ask me about the werewolf. So I guess I’ll stop asking her. For now.’

That night a boggart was in your classroom. You bit your index nail, images of your boggart pressing into your mind. With all that had been happening lately, you didn’t even realize he had stopped asking you but you instantly felt gratitude blossom in your chest. You read the past two notes again, feeling regret at the way you handled the situation. You wished you had been harsher. Any other teacher wouldn’t have given in to his demands. But he wasn’t just your student--he was your old friend.

‘Her hands are soft.’

Was he just your friend? Your heart thumped, wondering if he only thought of you as his friend, also.

‘I like her plants. She’s got a bunch all over the classroom. Whenever I ask her about one, she gets so excited and tells me all she can about it. I already knew most of it, but I haven’t the heart to interrupt her. I like when she gets passionate about something, and the way she rambles about plants is cute.’

The note was surrounded by small drawings of the plants around your classroom. You stroked the ink outlines of the leaves with an appreciative grin. He was rather talented.

‘She’s so cute when she’s setting something on fire.’

Despite the flush on your cheeks, you chuckled a bit. Divination allowed you to set a lot of things on fire, and sometimes you seemed just a bit too eager. ‘So are you,’ you murmured, thinking of Severus’ passion for learning.

‘She smiled at me today and told me something. I was too focused on her mouth to remember what she said.’

You absentmindedly stroked your lips. You took a moment to swear at yourself- urging yourself to stop reading this book, to stop reading Severus’ private feelings, and to stop feeling your own feelings, but you just kept going.

‘She named one of her plants, “Snargs.” I don’t know why, because it wasn’t even a Snargaluff, but it made me chuckle anyway.’

You smiled at the mention of your plant. Next to the note was a drawing of Snargs, your forever-flowering cactus with the name ‘Snargs’ written in a curly font above the plant. You looked up, seeing Snargs sitting on the high windowsill with his petals dancing in the soft summer breeze. You blew a kiss to him, placing his weekly watering schedule at the back of your mind as you kept reading.

‘She gave me a gift last Christmas. It was a new bag for my books. I saw her staring at the holes in my old bag the month before. The box didn’t have a sender, but I knew it was her. I could smell her perfume on it and it was her handwriting on the note inside.’

Embarrassed, you scratched the inside of your arm. You tried to be sneaky about your gift but it was certainly difficult getting anything past someone as observant as Severus. The two of you didn’t participate in the holiday’s secret santa event, but you could tell he desperately needed a new bag. His previous bag looked a century old, full of holes and nearly falling apart at the seams. His materials constantly fell out of his bag, and you had grown sorrowful every time he had to backtrack with downfallen eyes and a red face to retrieve his dropped items. You knew he didn’t want your pity, and you were afraid if you gave the bag to him in person he’d reject it, so you decided to be as anonymous as possible. You were glad he decided to use it anyway despite knowing where it came from in the end. Smiling, you wondered if he’d accept the gift if it came from anyone else.

Then, for the next few pages shaped like a heart, he had written your name in the margin in his best calligraphy, with pulsing hearts, twinkling stars, blossoming flowers, swimming fish, and tiny sketches of tarot cards. You stared, mesmerized at his magicked art, caressing the moving lines with your fingers. He wrote your names together in a heart, side by side with his. You couldn’t help the smile bubbling onto your curious face as you slowly took in every addition, fiddling with the corner of the dog-eared pages that had been shaped into a heart. You flipped the page, confused--there were tiny hearts drawn around an inky black mass. The mass was a jumble of rough sketch-lines, but they started to move. Your breath caught in your throat as the lines scribbled down on the paper formed an image of you, turning around and smiling. Nothing but astounding brightness was in your features, a direct contrast to the next notes he had written down.

‘I wonder if she feels the same as I do. She has to, right?’

You just couldn’t answer that question right now. You bit your lip, glancing up at the door as if Severus could burst in at any moment. You sighed, thinking about him as your eyes dropped back to the writing. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stroked the next horrible words beneath your finger, feeling his self-doubt emanating from the paper.

‘But who could ever like someone like me?’

The next note was a long paragraph, but whatever words you could see were smudged and crossed out. Ink had been spilled on top of the page, the black streaks marring the yellowed pages. The corner of the page was brandished with scorch marks.

~~~~

A/N: Thank you for reading! These “one-shots” (lol) are from a series called Afterimages of You. Here’s the masterlist for all of the one shots I have posted in the series. a big ol thank you to @thats-mrs-snape-to-you @bush-viper-cutie and @littl-prince for helping me, i love you guys!!

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kitkatopinions · 3 years

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I’m probably over thinking/over complicating things but Ironwood and Penny have been really bothering me. It because prior to the moment that destroyed Penny’s arc the show and Ruby were really pushing that Penny not matter her body was human and that’s a very positive I like that especially when it comes to characters of Penny’s nature.

So my problem kicks in when I think of Ironwood. Namely this part in his song:

“What if it's true as they say

That I don't have a heart

That I'm more a machine than a man?”

Like wtf. I mean I “get it” especially with that dumbass line of Winter. But when it’s talked about Ironwood it was always in reference to the fact that his body is half robotic and there for we are meant to see the correlation between his body and his character.?

Put next to Penny’s message that really bothers me. Even more so since Penny gets a “reward” of becoming human, but the writers push that Ironwood sacrificing his arm to stop Watts and replacing it (a medical decision that could be debated given that he wanted to be up and able immediately to handle things not to mention that fact that nerves and muscle are severely fucked up) with a new (uncharacteristically uncovered) prosthetic means that he’s moving away from humanity. This thought has been driving nuts for a week.

I don’t think you’re overthinking at all. The writers have been pretty blatant about what they think of disabled people.

On the topic of James, 1. They wrote their triple amputee character to be coded as losing his humanity. This is suspect from the get go, but writers imo need to be especially careful and sensitive when they display things like villains with prosthetics. CRWBY is not careful and sensitive. 2. They specifically connected the loss of his limb to the loss of his humanity outside of the show, and as you said, his new prosthetic is uncharacteristically uncovered as well, and there were some pointed shots showcasing his arm and emphasizing it before showing Ironwood doing something wrong as well as a shot that particularly bothered me of them having James fall to Winter when his aura broke and then them immediately flashing to a fallen, broken robotic soldier. Tying the loss of someone’s humanity to them losing a limb / gaining a prosthetic in any way is wrong imo. There are better ways to display someone’s loss of humanity than villainizing the loss of his arm, and I don’t care what justifications people have for ‘they just meant to say that he was too impatient to-’ Idc. Tying the loss of humanity to the gaining of a prosthetic is wrong. 3. They never once treated Ironwood’s clear PTSD, history of mental health problems, and trauma with any sympathy, instead spending their time ragging on him for not wanting to feel his pain anymore and condemning him for... Trying to control his emotions. 4. CRWBY also gave him a semblance and explained how it worked by saying he hyper focused, talking about how James’ passive semblance that he can’t control forces him to focus on one single goal and fixate. I’m not disabled, but I do hyper fixate. It’s not something I can control, and to see it used as a justification for evil (in one of my favorite characters in the series who reminded me of my father lol) and being treated as something bad... It doesn’t feel good. I can’t imagine how other people must feel who are much more affected by this than I am. 5. As you say, the writers go out of their way to reference his metal body as being more ‘machine than man’ and make lines about him being heartless. And yeah, I get that he’s an allegory for the ‘Tin Man’ from Wizard of Oz but ffs the Tin Man had always had a heart and I honestly thought that was what they were going for in V3 with Qrow commenting that sometimes he thought James didn’t have a heart and the audience seeing Ironwood’s actions as questionable, only for the entire show to tell us repeatedly that he actually is a caring and good person who’s willing to destroy all the forces he was proud to show off if it means saving lives and was actually pretty freaking blameless in the Fall of Beacon and was super kind to the kids and when the chips were down, Qrow and Glynda both absolutely knew without even questioning that James would never ever willingly hurt the world or fully betray them and had absolutely no hand in the Beacon attack. Like, I’m sorry, but between Penny and Ironwood, season eight is the season of taking well done character allusions and throwing them out the window for the exact opposite moral done incredibly poorly. And anyway, getting off of that rant, making a ‘more machine than man’ sentiment tied around a triple amputee character is incredibly harmful and hurtful to people with disabilities and only propagates the real world stereotypes against people like James.

So, yes, their treatment of Ironwood, his mental health, and specifically his disabilities was so badly done, harmful, incredibly insensitive, and frankly, appalling that it came from grown adult writers in 2019-2021! But, as you point out, it’s not just Ironwood. And here’s where things really get bad for CRWBY. Because Ironwood alone is enough for me to say they were ableist - unintentionally or otherwise - and ought to apologize for the hurt they’ve caused their fans. But when you get into the rest of their treatment of characters with metal prosthetics or non-flesh elements to their body, it becomes a pattern.

Penny’s entire body is removed from her on threat of death, with the justification that it’s hurting her and that her body is just a machine and not part of who she is, contradicting Penny’s earlier themes of self-acceptance and validating her humanity in the body she already had. She then dies by assisted suicide in a way that feels unneeded, after having asked to be killed earlier in the narrative. So many people have talked about how destructive her story became in V8 and how it personally hurt them, especially non-binary people, trans people, autistic people, or disabled people who saw themselves in Penny or saw in her arc something that they could relate to, only to have Penny’s differences stripped away from her, having her conform to normal body standards and have her previous body type invalidated by her friends, and then they had her killed via assisted suicide in an unbelievable way, insisting as well that she never made a choice before she was a flesh-person and couldn’t feel things right. It’s all horribly done, but it’s important to remember that while Ironwood is accused of losing his humanity as he loses a third limb and gets a third prosthetic, Penny’s earlier validation is taken away and is instead only granted and she is only justified as a person when she loses all her ‘nuts and bolts’ and becomes a flesh person. And then she’s killed anyway.

Yang’s prosthetic is the least ill handled, but it is still dismissed as ‘just extra’ despite her former fairly strong arc of coming to terms with her disability and making it a part of her. She casually justifies what’s happening with Penny despite Penny not being in a position of adequate consent. Yang’s trauma and PTSD also vanished when Adam died at the end of season six and in my opinion, that situation was handled very badly.

Maria and Pietro, two other disabled characters, disappeared, left when Amity fell and were not even mentioned iirc since. Not even when Penny is awake, not even when they’re evacuating, not even when Penny is choosing to die. She never brings up her father. And Ruby’s supposed ‘mentor’ who never had an actual narrative role that couldn’t have been filled by Qrow and has had nothing to do since season six even past that is also forgotten out in the tundra and not mentioned again.

The writers go out of their way to have Winter say that because she was just following orders (a statement that contradicts her previous character imo) and pushing down her emotions, she was the real machine, whereas Penny had been human underneath her apparently easily tossed aside and destructive previous metal body. And I don’t know if this means anything, but in that scene where she and Penny meet when Penny is dying and transferring the maiden powers to Winter, Winter is in her V7 character design, instead of wearing her assistive brace. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m reading into that, but with everything else, it feels like an iffy choice.

So yeah. In the past season CRWBY specifically cultivated a pattern of disrespect, dismissal, and villainization of any non-flesh attributes in my opinion. It seems pretty intentional and clear to me, but I’m willing to accept that maybe this was just a wildly bad uneducated mistake. Here’s the thing about that, though, after the Faunus/Racism allegory, the CRWBY writers should’ve learned their lesson and not touched on any real world topics that they weren’t willing to do the research on and treat with the sensitivity and care and respect the topics needed. Their Faunus/Racism allegory was harmful and hurtful and frankly could’ve sunk them in the water, they should’ve learned to put much more care and effort into their work or stayed the hell away from anything that could further spread the negative stereotypes surrounding real world people. But they didn’t learn their lesson and they’ve continued to push harmful narratives with no awareness or sensitivity. I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all, I think this is something that - intentionally written or otherwise - the writers should be called out on, or they’re just going to continue writing harmful narratives.

Also, I am not disabled, many of my opinions on the treatment of these characters comes from posts I’ve seen from many disabled or neurodivergent RWBY fans (or former RWBY fans,) or other people more affected by these narratives - minus the thing I said about Winter appearing without her brace when she talks to Penny, as it was something I just noticed while typing out this post. Since I’m not disabled, I’m not the best person to talk about these things, so if I got anything wrong in this, anyone more affected, please know you can let me know and I can edit and fix.

#rwde #rwby bashing #anti rwby #anti crwby #anti MKEK #rwby hate #if anyone comes in the comments invalidating or justifying I'll block #pro james ironwood #pro Ironwood #ironwood defense

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kookiepredictions · 4 years

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Jungkook Twinflame Journey: Challenges & Lessons

The general structure of the TF journey is available plenty on the web so I won’t talk about the step by step journey, rather only focus on the highlights of it, specifically the challenges they are dealing with and how to possibly overcome them. Also, as was pointed out to me earlier, it must be mentioned that these readings are timeline independent, and don’t signify when these activities are happening. This is just the overall energy of Jungkook’s TF journey and what he might have/ might be/ will facing, whenever they happen.

Also, this post is long enough to be a book lol (8.5k words when I last checked) but you gotta do what you gotta do. Happy reading :)

The first thing that jumps out is that both of them seem to be running from the connection. Both are runners, both are chasers. Jungkook is running in the 5D while his counterpart is running in the 3D. Jungkook wants to make a physical (as in 3D) relationship happen ASAP. He endlessly daydreams about being together with his DF and what he can do to make it happen. However, he is both indecisive and hesitant about taking actual action for various reasons that I will discuss later. The DF on the other hand, is running from a physical connection for reasons I will discuss later. The imbalance here is that the DF sees this as an energetic connection before anything else and wants to treat it as such, whereas Jungkook is focused on the physical manifestation of it. They’re not on the same page about how they see this connection and how they want to deal with it. Now, since a TF connection is a soul connection, it makes sense to start with the soul growth because that is what will ultimately lead to the physical manifestation of it. As I mentioned in the previous reading, Jungkook is in a stubborn “my way or the highway” kind of energy where he just wants what he wants lol. He can’t seem to understand why someone who loves him will want to stay away from him. On the surface level, this is a valid thought, but he’s not seeing, or rather refusing to see all sides of this.

The most important “earthly” blockage that gets in the way of his connection is his job. He has a lot to handle right now and he’s not, in any way, prepared to start or handle a new relationship. The irony is that he knows this. This is in fact what is making him hesitate to take action towards this connection and might I add, rightly so. His judgment and reasoning towards this connection is absolutely correct— he wants to focus on himself and his work right now and clear the unorganized mess in his life before he can bring anyone else into it. So the problem is not that he doesn’t know what to do. The problem is that he is finding it difficult to commit to this decision. He keeps swinging back and forth doubting if he has made the right choice. He keeps fearing that his decision might be wrong and he will end up losing everything he has dreamt for his future— including his DF, who he has come to value a lot right now. She is a big part of his future dreams and he fears that if she leaves, everything will start falling apart like dominoes. This is leading him to overthink this connection from every angle and feel weighed down in a way that he’s not able to take any path. He seems to be on a crossroad and really heavy with indecisive energy. And all of this is happening because he is running in the 5D— he’s running from the spiritual aspect of this connection, from the soul lessons that he needs to learn.

His DF on the other hand, sees the connection for what it is— spiritual before physical. She is in a state of complete surrender to the Universe that if they are meant to be, nothing and no one can get in the way of that. However, she also has a realistic view of it. She knows that the connection might be spiritual but the people in it are imperfect humans. She knows that the only people who can mess up this connection or stop it from manifesting in the physical are her and Jungkook. She knows how the TF connection works but most importantly, she is allowing herself to be guided by what she intuitively knows to be right. She not only has the clarity of the present situation of herself and Jungkook’s, she also has the foresight of what can go wrong in the near and far future if they rush into a connection right now. She “sees” the wounds, trauma and ego-driven behavioural patterns that both of them have and knows that unless they work on healing themselves first, their connection is no better than anyone’s else’s.

On this note, here’s something about a TF relationship: just because you are TFs doesn’t automatically mean that you both are perfect for each other. It just means that this has the HIGHEST POTENTIAL for being the best kind of relationship that anyone can ever hope to have in their lifetime. That’s what it is: a potential. Not a reality. The TF counterparts are only POTENTIALLY right for each other IF they want to make it that way. Every soul in this world has a twinflame— someone who is their most ideal, perfect match. However, when we use the term “twinflame” in discussions and articles, we only mean the twinflame counterparts who have incarnated on earth at the same time and have met, and if they have, then they will most definitely “fall in love”. However, what they then decide to do with that connection and in what direction they take it, is entirely up to them. The foundation of spirituality is free will. NOTHING is forcefully thrust upon us. We’re given complete sovereignty over how we wish to live our lives. Yes, there’s Destiny, but destiny is not a forced concept where you have no say over it. That’s not how spirituality works. Forceful subjugation is the tool of lower vibrating earthly authorities. Spirituality in its core is about freedom. Since the world is in a position of having ingested prolonged low vibrational thoughts and belief systems about love and life in general, the population at large is vibrating at these lower frequency energies. Healing these trauma and reviving our DNA to its original form takes many lifetimes. This is why even though everyone has a twinflame that was created to be their best match, the trauma we’ve incurred over generations, periods and eras, and even in the past years of our current lifetimes, have made it such that each counterpart of each twinflame pair is busy healing themselves over several lifetimes, and depending on the necessary soul contract that was undertaken, might or might not be healed and ready to meet their counterpart in each lifetime. If TFs meet their counterpart in a lifetime where they are not “healed” and behave excessively from their ego standpoint, they will face relationship problems and breakups like any other couple. Being counterparts won’t make you any special. To summarise, TF counterparts who are not healed are the exact same as any other person. In fact they can be worse, because there is an insurmountable amount of passion between them due to their soul connection, but since they haven’t learnt to “behave” like healed counterparts yet, they will end up hurting each other even more. That’s because when you meet your TF, you see how similar you both are and how this connection has SO MUCH potential to be perfect, and you start lowering your guard down, believing that this is one person in the world who will NEVER hurt you. So when you get hurt by them, it feels so much worse and painful than anyone else who has hurt you. This is why a lot of TFs who meet and fall in love before they are healed, end up with a soulmate or even a karmic or 3D partner later where they are actually happier than they were with their TFs. Also when we talk about TF Union, know that it can mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean a committed relationship or marriage. The reason being, marriages and relationships are earthly concepts. The spiritual realm doesn’t care for earthly practices at all; it only cares for earthly practices when they serve the purpose of spiritual advancement. So if a TF couple is destined to get married, that only means that their marriage is supposed to serve a spiritual cause on earth. I just remembered one of my followers kindly pointed out how rare it is for TFs to get married and I’d like to reiterate that here. It is indeed SUPER rare, because it is rare as is, to be incarnated at the same time as your TF. Spirituality is about the soul, obviously, so you’ve got to see a spiritually-rooted connection from the viewpoint of a soul, not from your earthly ego. Souls are immortal; no matter what is happening in the world, whether or not you’re dating or getting married with each other, TFs are together forever as soul units. It’s just that a soul is independent AF lol. They don’t need to always stick to each other. They let their other half do their own work/ mission on earth in one lifetime while they chill in another lifetime lol. It’s only when they know they are on the same-ish page in terms of healing from earthly traumas that they incarnate together and “plan” to meet at the right time, and when they do, fireworks lol. However, it’s still about the healing. Even after they meet. Being the kind of souls who have incarnated at the same time to be “twinflames” means that you have done enough of healing in your past lifetimes that you now have a lot more refined (less traumatic) view of love and life, than other people around you. And when I say “around you” I mean in the world. TFs who have incarnated together to meet are super rare (again, when we use the word “TF” we automatically mean the only ones who are supposed to meet). They are already born as old, highly advanced souls with thoughts, feelings and actions distinctly different from others, possibly with a great many set of talents (because they have lived several lifetimes as different people honing different skills in each lifetime— I’m reminded of the interview where Jungkook asked what had he done in his previous lifetimes to get so much love from his fans and Yoongi replied he was possibly good at everything), but most importantly, they have the desire to be better versions of themselves stronger than anyone else, because they actually are serious about their healing, even if they don’t know it consciously. They are righteous and idealistic kind of people but not in a naive way— they know the light as much as they know the darkness, because healing is about balancing both. TFs who have incarnated together are possibly living their last lifetime on earth and on the way out to Ascension but only if they do the remaining healing in their current lifetime. Because like I said before, that’s the whole point. This is why this connection, right up top, seems so powerful and deep. It’s rooted in spiritual awareness and healing past traumas. You help each other in your missions. But that doesn’t mean necessarily by being physically together. If you’re destined to be together, then you will, but if you’re not, i.e. if your mission does not include being together, then you will part ways. This seems sad and depressing (“what is the point of having/ meeting your TF if you can’t be together?”) but this is where I remind you again that this is, first and foremost, a soul connection, and no matter what happens on earth, you’re together as souls at all times. Here’s the thing though: if being apart from each other is your mission, then you will not feel sad about it. That decision will come about as a natural transition at some point in your TF journey. You both will feel that that is the right thing to do, without malice or pain in your heart, because any decision made from the soul always feels peaceful on the inside. For example, many people believe that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ TF, and they had a lot of love between them, yet, since Jesus’ destiny was to embrace the cross, he didn’t end up marrying her. And yet, it was something he CHOSE to do, not something that someone thrust on him. He did it with complete awareness and acceptance. Because again, like I said, spirituality at its core, is freedom. Destiny only means that every path has a particular destination at the end. But which path we take, is completely up to us. Whichever path we take will lead to the destination that is at the end of it— that part is nonnegotiable. You can’t take one path and expect to reach a different destination. However, these paths are not linear, parallel tracks. They are more like a labyrinth— connecting and disconnecting at several junctions. Which means that we can change our paths at any moment that we want. If we have taken a wrong path today, it will lead to a wrong destination, but if we want to change where we end up at, we can change the path at any time. We are not doomed or fated forever to end up in a wrong place just because we took the wrong path in the past. We are only fated to go there if we keep continuing on that same path.

Coming back to Jungkook’s DF, she recognizes the spiritual aspect of the connection and what it means for her life and Jungkook’s. She knows a separation is imminent and she’s accepted it with her whole heart. She can’t pretend to be sad or missing him just to look good in his eyes because she neither misses him nor is she sad about this. She longs for him every moment of her life but she never feels like they are separate from each other. She always energetically feels him around herself and knows that he feels her too. The difference is that while she embraces this situation, Jungkook is resisting it. He WANTS to be connected with her in the physical world. It’s a really stubborn energy lol where he is simply refusing to see anything else. I used the word “refusing” because it’s not like he doesn’t know the problems that are there with regards to this connection. He is just ducking his responsibility of dealing with them and just hoping that they will somehow go away. He is, knowingly or unknowingly, in a self-centred energy where he has put all the responsibility of them being together on her. He wants her to be with him but he doesn’t want to address the reasons why they aren’t together. Truthfully, the real reason they aren’t and cannot be physically connected (in any way) is because Jungkook’s life is a mess— ENERGETICALLY. This needs to be emphasized because Jungkook often feels like he can “handle” a connection. Like I said, he daydreams and fantasizes about everything he would like to do for her and he just wants the damn connection to start and get moving already. But there’s the problem. He is only concerned about the external, physical aspect of the connection, but this is a spiritual, energetic connection. They are connected so deep and so profoundly because of this very reason. It can’t be ignored just so you two can start dating or talking even. At this moment, Jungkook is in a state where he is carrying everyone else’s energy except his own. There are way too many interferences and sabotaging around him. Add to it his wounds from past experiences and relationships. It’s just unfair of him to expect his DF to be with him while his own life is so disharmonious. It’s like, when you invite someone over to your home, do you expect them to come to a dirty, messy home? Or would you first clean up? It’s not that he is unaware of these problems. He knows, and he also often feels guilty of getting her involved in all of this. But feeling guilty is not enough. It won’t make the problems go away. He is in a victim mentality where he feels everything is happening TO him, and he is absolving himself off of the responsibility of admitting that by not doing what needs to be done, he is also a part of the problem. Don’t get me wrong, he DOES want to work on these problems, he doesn’t want to subject her to this forever. But where he is wrong is in expecting that she SHOULD stay by him while the problems still exist. And that’s just unfair. She has possibly also tried doing that. But the thing is, the actual problems are not the ones on the outside. The actual problems are the ones in his mind. He can’t always have control over his external situations, but he can ALWAYS have control over his own self IF he wants. It’s the negative energy that he lets stay inside him rent free that is the real problem. No matter what she does to make him happy, Jungkook finds a reason to be sad. No matter what she says to assure him that she loves him, he will still stick to that one vague reason that makes him afraid of losing her. Or some other fear. He feels like the problem is that they are not together. But the problem is actually that Jungkook is a whole warehouse of fear, insecurity, jealousy, anger, etc. And he is entrusting it upon her to heal him. But no one can heal someone else unless they really want to, unless they make their own effort, but most importantly, unless they recognize what the real problem is. His fears are not because of her actions, his fears are because of his past wounds. It is unfair to expect her to be at his beck and call to heal HIS past issues without him being proactive about healing himself first. TFs do play a very important role in healing each other, but not in a co-dependent, energy-vampire-ical way. They heal each other by empowering each other, helping each other be free. Excessive dependence on your counterpart does the exact opposite of healing.

His DF was likely in a past relationship with a narcissist who expected exactly this out of her. She was expected to compensate for his insecurities by limiting herself— her thoughts, feelings, and just living in general. Back then she wasn’t “awake”, so she complied, but it was never enough. The more she adjusted, the more areas she was given to adjust. It resulted in her living a life that ran on autopilot, doing only things that were “permitted” by her partner. In moments where she wanted to assert her own will, she would be made to feel guilty of doing something that her partner didn’t want her to. That she was the reason why her partner was unhappy. Now she understands that no one is responsible for someone else’s happiness or sadness. We can do things with the intention of making someone happy or sad, but how they take it and react to it is completely their call. And in the end when she had fully adapted to his way of living by completely bequeathing her autonomy of decisions and actions, one day he turned around to accuse her of not being independent and proactive enough, and for being too needy. Because that’s what ego-based behaviour leads you to do. You’re never satisfied. Here’s the difference between ego and soul— the ego demands everything but is happy with nothing; the soul accepts everything and is happy with everything.

She can assure Jungkook a million times that she loves him, that she will always be with him, but unless he gets to the root of his insecurities and eliminate them from the root, they will always go back to the same problems. Because the harsh truth is, as much as he loves her, right now he is using her and this connection as a distraction and escape from his real problems, a quick fix. But the TF connection is not supposed to distract you from your problems, it is supposed to point you exactly in the direction of where your problems are. This is what Jungkook and this connection has done for his DF, and this is what she hopes to do for him. But she can only direct him towards those problems, she can’t decide or act on them. That is something only he can do. He needs to quit waiting for someone else to fix his life and take it upon himself. He has been having tower moments after tower moments simply because he is refusing to see or act on the problems.

His problems are not all though. His DF is staying away also because of her own problems, her own past wounds. She is not as perfect as he thinks she is. Her life is not as perfect as he thinks it is. She has as many problems— both external and internal— as he does. She knows that Jungkook dreams of healing her, taking away all her pain, solving all her problems, and she is forever grateful, but it’s the wrong approach. There are some things only she can and should handle. She knows that Jungkook often looks for her dreams, wanting to fulfil all of them, be that person in her life who does those things for her. And again, she is both grateful and happy that there is someone in this big, bad world who has that kind of intention and energy towards her, and someday when the time is right, she has absolutely no doubt that he will do all of these things. But right now, it means something to her to be able to do all these things for herself. All her life, she has been following directions from someone else, either parents or a partner or anyone who would show more authority than what she had on herself. But continuously living her life on someone else’s terms didn’t work out very well. Neither for her nor for others. Her life felt empty and her soul felt restless and unfulfilled. And if one doesn’t have peace within themselves, they can’t radiate peace around them. She doesn’t blame anyone else for this. Truthfully, it’s her own fault. For not having boundaries, for letting people walk all over her. For not asserting her own choice in her own life. But she won’t do that anymore. She can’t go back to that co-dependent energy. Not even with her TF, even though he’s one of the most important people in her life right now. She’s not mad at him, she’s not punishing him for any “mistake” that he thinks he has made. She’s only doing this because she is fully convinced that is the only right thing to do in this situation. And she is not back down from her own conviction. She is no more letting other people decide for her, especially when her own intuition doesn’t support it. In the past, she has had plenty of people telling her what to do, and now she realizes that those people were a lot more clueless than she was, and that she has always been the more intuitive and “right” person in any crowd. But the self-trust that she lacked back then, she has now. And she is not questioning it anymore.

One important lesson Jungkook has to learn is to know that there are no “punishments” in this world. Due to his past experiences, either very strict parenting or strict K Pop training environment, he has this deeply seated fear of being punished when he does something wrong. If he makes mistakes— which we all do— the Universe won’t punish him. We simply have some inconvenient situations as a direct or indirect result of our actions, so that we can learn that our actions were wrong and we can correct them in future. Punishments are also ego based repercussions. If his connection is as spiritual as he believes it is, then he also has to believe that his DF would never punish him. That’s just now how a healthy relationship should be! Imagine if two people were always out to get each other for their mistakes, keeping count of them and then waiting to punish them at an opportune moment... just how stressful would that relationship be! It might be that Jungkook has had to deal with someone like that in the past which has shaped his mindset about love and relationships that way. Love is not so egotistical. Anyone who claims to love you should be always willing to forgive you, no matter how many times you make mistakes. Yes, everyone should have boundaries, no one should allow anything they consider as mistreatment, but they should still be able to forgive the person they claim to love. If there are feelings of anger, malice, revenge towards someone, no matter what they have done, that is not love. So much of Jungkook’s pain is rooted in this mindset. He believes that just because he has made mistakes in his life, he is now destined to live a life of misery and sadness as a punishment, over which he has no control. Like I explained earlier, that’s not how Destiny works. We ALWAYS have a choice and we can make that choice anytime. The question is: are we REALLY willing to? Or are we looking to turn a blind eye towards our responsibilities and then blame it on our “fate”?

With his current energy, Jungkook has one foot of the door. He KNOWS what he has to do— the hesitation that he feels about taking action towards connection is not his fear. It is in fact, his soul voice. Deep inside, he knows this is not the right time. He is not ready for this connection to move forward or even exist in the physical. He knows he needs to work on himself first. He knows what his problems are and where they are. He knows that no matter what he does, he will never lose his TF. He just finds it difficult to trust himself with his own knowledge. There are too many outside opinions and energies that interferes with his thoughts and actions. And that is also his fault because he is allowing them to.

Very notable here is that Jungkook has one or more Karmic connections that are constantly interfering with this connection. He is frequently under psychic attacks, as is his DF. These karmics act as energy vampires by energetically trying to influence his thoughts— pressuring him for attention, communication and commitment, threatening to leave him if he doesn’t oblige, threatening to date someone else— acting as if it is coming from his DF. His DF wants nothing of that sort right now. Co-dependent energy is the very first thing that TFs are supposed to eliminate from their connection, which means from their own minds. Look around you. 99% of relationships in this world are based on co-dependency. A “if you give me this, I’ll give you that” kind of energy. Love, true love, is unconditional. Think about it: “love” is defined as an emotion, and abstract noun. Love, at its core, is an emotion. It is not actions or words or relationships or marriages. Love is a feeling, that’s all. If you can feel it inside your heart, no matter what situation you are in, you are in love. It’s the world’s biggest mistake to equate love with what we do for those we claim to love. It’s like, if you love me, prove it. No. If I love you, I’ll just love you that’s all. There will be no condition on my love. It won’t exist or disappear based on what I do or don’t do. We are often placed in situations where we can’t always do everything that we do. Actions are not always the same as feelings. Sometimes two people can love each truly and deeply, but— and I’m not afraid to say it— one of them can die before the other. Or fall sick and be bedridden forever, and be completely unable to “do” anything for the ones they love. What happens then? The love disappears? Just because they can’t prove it anymore? It’s such a limiting concept of love. Also, so many people will do so many things— gifts, vacations, anniversaries, social media updates— but then will also cheat on their partners, leave them for someone else... what value do all these things that they did hold in that case? My point is, doing a lot of things means nothing if the feeling behind it is not backed by true and pure love. Too many people depend on actions to prove the existence of love, but don’t take the time to really FEEL it. When you feel love for the emotion that it is, without restrictions and judgements, trust me, the action flows effortlessly. You will naturally know when to do what and those actions will NEVER be wrong. Instead of jumping about going crazy doing things, take the time to connect with your heart space and see what is really going on in there. It’s not always fun and games. Love does come with pain and sorrow too. But negative emotions are not a bad thing. Remember, negative emotions are NOT the same as negativity. Negative emotions are signifiers. They help us see where we are facing problems, what needs to be fixed. Negativity on the other hand, is blinding ourselves from those signals, and staying stuck in that stagnant pool of negative emotions, and not making the effort to get out of it. Always remember, energy is like water. As long as it is flowing, like in a stream, it is clean and healthy— no matter what type of energy. It is only when it is stagnant that it becomes unclean and breeds diseases. And to keep energy moving and flowing, it is essential to feel your feelings, no matter what they are. Be brutally honest with yourself about how you feel. Don’t judge your feelings, don’t censor them. Don’t tell yourself, I’m not supposed to feel this way. Bulls***! You can feel any type of way that you want to. Because you’re human. And that’s what humans do, they feel. That’s what makes us different from machines. Once you can feel accurately, you can now understand your feelings. You can understand the root of those feelings. So many people get away with saying, I don’t know what I feel like, I don’t know why I feel this way. Well, it can happen. Initially. But as humans we can and are supposed to KNOW our feelings by observing them. That’s what makes us different from animals. They feel but can’t make sense of those feelings. They directly go from feeling to acting. But we can do the essential step in between. Understand our feelings and then decide how to act.

Honestly, Jungkook has been sitting in a pool for a while now. Like I said, he is carrying mostly others’ energies than his own. This is why his DF feels the need to distance herself from him even though she wanted to, and has tried to be there for him in whichever capacity possible. She is all for healing Jungkook, but she can’t be responsible for other people’s energies too. As she is energetically connected with him, she feels his energy, and it is especially difficult when he is stuck in low vibrational energy for a long time. As long as he doesn’t find a way to block these energies, he is bringing both himself and this connection down. One person is trying to fill the connection with positive energies while the other acts as a host to energy vampires. It’s exhausting for both of them! It’s like trying to empty water from a boat with holes. No matter how hard you try, the boat will sink if the holes are not repaired. And it’s something only Jungkook can do. And the only way to do it is if he rises from his pool of negative emotions. Energy vampires, psychic attacks are only effective if you give them access to your energy. Remember, any person who tries to sabotage you is already vibrating in a low frequency with their ill intentions. You block their access by simply vibrating at a higher frequency. This is the singlemost effective way to both stop outside interference as well as improving your own energy. Commit to wanting to be a happier version of yourself. And just like love, don’t make your happiness conditional. Don’t think I’ll be happy if___ Be happy where you are, how you are. You’re not unhappy because you don’t have your DF, you are unhappy because you have mental blockages that restrict you from being happy. Find out what those restrictions are, then get to work on them.

The separation is also necessary because Jungkook NEEDS to face his fears. He has been battling with a lot of fears about losing his DF, and with her losing his dream future. But instead of facing it and getting it out of his system, he has been avoiding it. He creates different scenarios that would help him avoid feeling the pain of facing and analysing his fear. Somehow, somewhere, these scenarios lead him to believing that she doesn’t love him, she cheats on him or will cheat on him, or has left him for good, is intentionally hurting him, is taking advantage of his love and his having fun doing it. These are accusations his DF will not entertain. She understands where he is coming from, she understands the conflict and battle he is going through but she will not be held responsible for something she doesn’t even dream of doing. She could be just watching a movie and crushing on an actor but Jungkook’s paranoia will conclude she is seeing someone else. It’s hurtful. And even more so when it comes from someone who seemed like the one person in this world who would never hurt you. She is struggling in her life too. She is working on herself too. The difference between her and Jungkook is that she does not hold Jungkook responsible for her happiness. She accepts his situation and his decisions without questioning his motives, and she expects the same energy from him. They might be TFs but they are two separate individuals with different mentalities, backgrounds and situations. Each of them has the right to live their lives EXACTLY as they want to, without having to explain themselves, or proving their loyalty all the time. She won’t spend her whole lifetime proving her love and loyalty to someone who is supposed to understand her already. The TF separation period is not a punishment. It is a gift. It is their first opportunity to test if their love is really as strong and eternal as they think it is. True love does not disappear because of distance and situations. You don’t need to be with your partner to love them. Heck, you don’t even need a partner to love! Love, as I said, is an emotion to be felt. If you feel it, you know love. If you experience love, and then proceed to put fences of restrictions and conditions around it, one day, the restrictions will win and the love will lose. The separation really helps us test out the strength of the connection. Know that in spirituality there are always win-win situations. If two people do love each other truly, they will always come back to each other. It’s always better to leave your connection be free. Two people who are free to go anywhere they like and be with anyone they like, yet choose to come back to each other without demanding without accusing, is the best kind of love connection. And if they don’t come back, that means that connection wasn’t as good as it seemed after all, in which case, you’re free to look for the real one!

Jungkook really needs to loosen his grip. He needs to let her go. He needs to let her come back to him because she wants to, not because she felt trapped with guilt to stay with him. It is also his test for how much trust he has on someone he claims to love so much. If he can’t trust her now, he will not magically learn to trust her later when they are in a physical connection.

The thing is, everything written in this post, Jungkook already knows. And his DF knows this. She sees him beyond his outer tantrums through to his soul. She knows who he is inside there and what he wants and needs. She’s probably overconfident that she knows him better than he knows himself lol. And this is what is keeping her hopeful about this connection. She believes in him and is rooting for him to come through with his soul lessons and healing. Just like he believes in her and is rooting for her success in her life and career. He’s just... how to put it... overzealous about her lol. I’ve mentioned earlier that Jungkook values equal give and take in a relationship but this is causing detriment. He believes that she has done way too much for him and in return, he has given too little to her. That might be true lol but he must remember that firstly, he has already given her a lot more than what she has ever received from anyone. It’s not always the material things you know, the most valuable things in life are the ones money can’t buy. She has experienced being loved exactly the way she had always wanted to be loved. Him and the people around him have contributed to making her a strong, independent, assertive woman and shed many of her past inhibitions and weaknesses. This connection has caused her faith in herself and the Divine to go through the roof! And that’s exactly what he needs right now too. He needs to have faith. Faith in himself, this connection and the Universe. He really needs to see that she is not the only special person in this connection. He is as special as her as well— he is her! If he can’t forget her, how can she forget him? If he thinks she is irreplaceable, how can he not be irreplaceable in her life as well? He needs to work on his self-image and self-confidence to really see that he is equal, if not greater than her. She already sees him as special and irreplaceable but his lack of self esteem is causing him to create this illusion that she is too good for him, that he will never find anyone like her and therefore he must cling to her to make sure she never leaves. Even if they get into a connection, is it healthy to live with these fears and insecurities all your life? It’s time for him to shift the focus from her to himself and give himself all that pure, genuine love that she gave her. Self love. And then if she doesn’t come back, then fu** that bi***! An insanely gorgeous man who loves himself and has healed himself? There must be someone in this whole wide world who will know how to value that!

He needs to have faith in this connection. He needs to remember that he had no control over how it started. It just... happened. It was Divine planning and Divine timing. It came to him when he most needed it even when he didn’t know that he needed it. That’s how the Divine works. As broken, trauma-beaten humans, we tend to want to control everything exactly according to our understanding. But know that our understanding of life is limited. We don’t know everything that is happening or will happen in the future. We don’t know everything about other people. We don’t even know everything about ourselves. How can we hope to control everything with our limited knowledge? Only the Divine/ Universe/ Source or whatever you want to call it, knows everything every time. Even when homo sapiens were merely amoebas, the Universe was still here, doing its job. Even when humans were not here to “oversee” everything, the Universe was still operating smoothly according to its own rules. Everything human beings have learnt is from the Universe, from nature. It was here before us and it will be here probably even after we’re extinct. We’re not supposed to get ahead of it, we’re supposed to align with the Universal flow that has always existed. And we do it by having faith. Anything that is rooted in spirituality will require faith. We tend to want to first see things/ get assurances before we can have faith, but in reality it is only when we have faith that we see what we want. If the greatest inventors of the world waited to see things to believe in their existence, we wouldn’t have made all these advancements. To create something, and especially to create something new, have faith first. You can’t expect to have deep, pure, unconditional love by treating it like a casual date. Don’t try to define or understand it in terms of connections or relationships you’ve already had, because this is nothing like that. IF there is something wrong with this connection, trust that you will know. If you are keeping a clear, open mind, you will KNOW when things are wrong, and you will know when they are right. Don’t restrict your good judgement by doubting yourself all the time. Don’t depend on others to define or solve a situation that YOU are going through. It is your problem, you are capable enough to solve it. That’s how the Universe hands us situations and problems. We already have the capability of handling them, we just need to dig it out of ourselves firstly by deciding that we want to solve it, then by believing that we can. We really don’t need anyone for anything in life. If we do need anyone, the Universe promptly sends them to us. It is natural to WANT someone to be beside us though. But if the Universe is showing us that it’s not the right time by putting distances and obstacles between us, then we need to trust and accept that it is for our highest good. We might not know how right now, but in time we will.

The DF, as I said, is in this state of complete acceptance. This has filled her up with a sense of peace, happiness and stability. She is not one bit sad about the separation. Instead, she is sad that Jungkook is staying sad simply because he’s not accepting a situation that he has no control over. This resistance is making him overthink and worry himself sick over what she’s doing, thinking, feeling, and then accusing her of being the reason why he’s sad. This is not his energy. This is not the person he is, she knows it. This connection has given her the much needed high vibration energy to deal with her personal problems and solve them. She is celebrating her small wins and just being alive you know? She has not felt this free and light in all her life and she is not going back to worrying over things and situations she can’t control and be sad about them. She REALLY wishes Jungkook to do his own healing and join her in this energetic space because it is beautiful! But like everything else, she can’t control him. Because of the intense love and passion he has for her, he might think that she controls him but she doesn’t. He is controlled by his own fear and anxiety. She can’t make him take the decisions and actions required for him to heal. She can only heal herself, hoping that it will energetically help him instead. And to do that, she needs to focus every bit of her energy on herself. She is always connected to Jungkook, but she will not play host to other interfering energies anymore. Jungkook needs to also focus all his energy on himself but again, she can’t force him to do anything, it’s his call. She expects complete freedom to make her own life decisions according to her own understanding, and she expects anyone who claims to love her to respectfully accept it without accusing her of being selfish. Because self love is NOT being selfish. Especially for people like Jungkook and his DF, who are giving people, self love is an investment for the betterment of everyone they come in contact with. The more they invest in themselves, the more their tribe flourishes. He needs to accept that she shouldn’t be expected to be on standby while he is sorting out his life. He needs to accept that she deserves to live her life while she needs to accept that he deserves to live his life as well. There is no need to restrict or limit your life for your TF. Like I said, spirituality is about freedom. If a TF connection is not completely free of restrictions and limitations then it’s most likely not one. And yes, that includes dating as well. It might never happen, but that’s not the point. The point is, how far are we willing to go into acceptance of our TF counterpart’s freedom of choice for their happiness? And the answer should always be, ALL THE WAY. If your divine counterpart decides to start dating while in separation, it definitely won’t be an easy thing to handle. But if it’s really the unconditional love you swear you have for them, you should work through your own insecurities to allow them that choice as well. Of course, one doesn’t have to. No one is obligated to put up with anything they don’t like or can’t accept, or stay in that kind of a connection. And that’s the beauty of spirituality. Freedom. You are free to reject that connection. There is no “duty” or “destiny” binding you to anything you REALLY do not want to be a part of. But you’ve got to choose a side now and commit to that journey. No more doubting and avoiding. If you want it, then do what needs to be done for it, not just what you’re comfortable doing. If your comfort zone is more preferable to you, then stay in there but don’t complain why there’s no “unconditional love” in this world. To get unconditional love, you must give unconditional love first. And to do that, remove all restrictions and conditions in your own mentality that get in the way— not in the other person’s mentality. Trust in the Universe which has obviously proven time and time again to be more powerful than you. Trust that the energy you put out is the energy you will receive.

To sum up, this is a really important phase in Jungkook’s life. He is on a crossroad, not able to make definite decisions, just because he can’t put enough faith in himself, the Universe and this connection. Well, he can’t control the connection or the Universe so he should start with increasing faith in himself. Believe that he can and will always take the right decisions because here’s the fun thing: there are no wrong decisions when the intention is right. His DF believes in his ability because she knows his intentions to be pure and genuine all the time. All he wants is to do good to everyone, she has seen that. And the Universe loves him for that and wants to reward him. But he is blocking his rewards by being so damn stubborn and resistant. Don’t resist the change. Change is good. Change is growth. Growth means promotion and rewards. He has already sort of taken the right decision by wanting to focus on himself. It is time to commit to it by letting go of doubts and by FULLY, WHOLLY focusing his energy on himself and himself only. Leave his worries about his DF to the Universe. She’s a strong gal, she’s got this! TFs are not supposed to be energy leeches on each other’s backs. They’re not supposed to be weaknesses to each other, they’re supposed to be each other’s biggest strengths. Allow her to grow on her own to be the strong and rightful partner that she has the potential to be. Allow her to stretch her limbs and see what she’s capable of doing in her life, to go after her dreams with full force and focus. Just his energy of wanting to protect her and take care of her make her feel SO loved it really makes her feel like she can do anything! He doesn’t need to do anything else for her right now. What he really needs to protect her from is his own negative energies, by working on healing them, because she feels them. He needs to protect her from outside interference by taking responsibility of his own healing and his own life. People are pointing fingers at this connection because his life and mental health deteriorating. Not everyone is against him or this connection. Some people genuinely love him and want the best for him, and if he gives them the reason to believe that this connection is the reason why he is suffering, then that is wrong. He needs to step up and step in. They need to see this period as a gift, an opportunity to become their best versions before they get back together so that when they do, they don’t end up hurting each other due to their wounded ego-based behaviours. It’s not the easiest journey but I assure it is the MOST fulfilling. Once you let go of your worries, and everything you can’t control, you find this constant peace of mind, which is interspersed with frequent moments of euphoria— when you do get there, you’ll never want to go back. You get a bird’s eye view of this life and realize what the most important things in life really are, and what you really want, what really gives you real happiness. And you also see the best ways to get there. Free yourself. That’s why this connection really has come into your life. Free yourself from your own limitations. Your DF wants nothing from you except for you to flourish and be happy. Do whatever the hell you need to do for that, no judgements at all. She’ll meet you at the other side of the finish line :)

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ilkkawhat · 3 years

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Any tips for first time writers? Specifically any tips and tricks for writing CSI stories and the Nick/Greg ship? Trying to stay in character and make the story interesting like a show episode instead of a boring text procedural is hard.

lmao as someone who is forever insecure about my own writing when it comes to keeping the characters in character, I think something to keep in mind is that you may view a character differently than someone else--and sometimes those views align with others, and most of the time it's better than what's presented in canon, and it can be really difficult to get confident about that, but I think that creating anything, even if it's not just writing--drawing, giffing, photo edits, etc, you do know and love that character enough to bring them to life under your hands and it's something that's just so like, poetic about keeping these characters alive, even if the show offed them or the show is cancelled, in these works (honestly the song "poet" by bastille says this best imo) and you may end up discovering parts of yourself as you explore these characters in depth, you'll learn more about them, too, and the more you write, the more confidence you will gain

but be weary of the validation trap (says someone who falls into it literally every time I post a fic)--do not rely on comments and feedback to let you know you're doing it "right." the fact that you're getting thoughts into words onto paper is good enough, and you are good enough and even if you don't end up sharing it, you still did something special that nobody else has done before, and that, is amazing!

I'm not gonna lie, a huge weakness of mine that I feel I've known ever since I started writing CSI fic is that I really don't do well in making cases for the CSIs to work on--and even when I do, the case is usually forgotten by the end of the fic and I end up just kinda focusing on the emotions between the characters and describing their feelings and actions the best I can and unfortunately the plot sometimes suffers because of that.

I guess it really depends on what you want out of your story--do you want a really intriguing case and basically make an episode of CSI, or do you want to kind of bend out of the procedural drama, and just write something fluffy like Nick/Greg going on a roadtrip or something actiony like them getting into some sort of trouble? (as I often do lmao)

Something that does always help me when I do decide I want an actual like, "plot" to the fic beyond just playing around with the characters and making them do things or experience things is that I'll make myself a very flexible outline--which I will admit, at times, does kinda drain the fun out of the actual writing part but I found that I'll try to write chapters/fics in segments in this way, like I'll have the start of a fic, and then when I feel like I need to break but want to write what I got going next, I'll have something in brackets like: [Self deprecation at home/drinking, evil Nick in the mirror?] (for agony), and sometimes maybe a bigger summary, and sometimes less to just kinda remind myself of what I wanted to accomplish with a fic

BUT know that there are gonna be things that pop up sometimes. twists that come to you halfway through a fic--or if you're lucky, you'll find that your reader friends will kinda give you a twist to add in (my fic Last Breath is the greatest example of this--I originally was gonna do like, 12 chapters but then @dannilea said "HEY MK GIVE NICK AMNESIA" and then the fic got doubled in length lmao) so don't feel confined to any sort of outline. go with the flow, go with what feels right for you.

I know it's a lesson I'm still learning myself, but do not pressure yourself with these sorts of things. there are no deadlines. you're not doing anything wrong. if you don't like something you wrote? don't delete it (i've deleted so many things--fics, my entire blog, old art and gifs I did and it's one of my biggest regrets that I carry with me and god...it just hurts) but don't be afraid to tweak, re-write or rework if you need to--I know ao3 has an option where you can even say something is a "remix" of another work if you write a fic and then somewhere down the line, decide to expand on it or change it up? (I think it's meant for that at least, I haven't done that sort of thing....yet)

and that's another thing--you'll always be learning new things as you keep writing. I've been writing since I was like, twelve years old. Had a long ass depressive gap (though I did still write some things, just not...as intensely as I used to) before I came back to the CSI fandom (which I never felt I contributed to before, when I joined tumblr I posted some caps but that was about it, it really wasn't until 2018 that I started giffing and writing and three years later lmao here we are!) and there are just hard lessons you do learn--like I said, the validation trap and pressure and all of that

but motivation wise, something I've been (trying) to do is write at least 100 words per day. Doesn't have to be a specific fic, doesn't have to be anything I intend to make a fic, but just...getting the words flowing. But again, no pressure, because I recently had another depressive bout and went 33 days without writing and it climaxed to me having another mental breakdown swearing I was never gonna write again and damn near deleting everything and giving up.........only to start writing again the next day (and full disclosure, I did have a friend helping me literally every day with that and if they read this, I hope they know how forever grateful I am that they convinced me to keep going and I would not actually be here without them)

You will need to recharge, you will need to be mindful of outside stresses that may be impacting your creative energies. And sometimes, you can try doing things not relating to writing at all. Make a playlist of songs that make you think about the fic; if you can, draw or make photo edits of the fic. find a friend to bounce ideas off of--so many of my fics were enriched by that, I can't even begin to list them all lol.

But above all, again, just know that what you're writing is unique to you, nobody else will be able to write the way you do, and that is just...so special. writing can be difficult, it's exhausting, it's a thankless job at times but when those words start clicking together and your fingers just keep typing/writing, you'll just kinda get this like, rush like nothing I've ever been able to match.

and lmao I know you said specifically CSI and Nick/Greg and feel like I got sidetracked--but the great thing about CSI is I feel like you'll have excuses to put them in situations given their line of work, but like I said before, you can bend out of the genre a little bit. Have Nick and Greg go on a vacation, or make an AU (even something as wild as a sci-fi AU--honestly Specimen Stokes is the most fun I've had in writing the past three years) or if you do want to stick to canon, and don't want to make a whole new case or elaborate on the details--play with an established episode. If there was a Nick focused episode, what was Greg doing and vice versa? Did they talk about things afterwards, or did something happen leading up to the episode that made them act a certain way around each other?

I'll honestly find inspiration also just watching the episodes--something I've been doing in these past few months of my rewatch is making little ficlets about the episode, like I wrote one about Nick and Greg post 6x02 elaborating on the breathplay that Greg hinted about earlier in the episode, or I made a revenge fic for 14x12 where that douchey abusive husband went after Nick, etc. So sometimes it helps to dive back into canon and play in that sandbox too

I hope these tips can help get you started and honestly, don't feel obligated to agree or do any of these things I listed above. We all have different ways of going about writing, and it is just one big learning process and something I don't think I'm ever gonna perfect or master in any sort of way--(not to say I think I'm the worst writer in the world but I just...try to humble myself and not believe I'm the best or better than anybody else cause that's part of the validation trap, you get those ideas in your head and then it can destroy you when you realize you're definitely not)--and there will be times you get heavily discouraged, but...you just gotta keep going. keep pushing. find outside encouragement, but don't rely on it. practice a lot of self care and don't pressure yourself to finish or share or write more than you think you can. just...let it come, and enjoy the ride

I honestly feel like I'm one of the least qualified to say all of these things, but I really do hope it helps and hey, you already got one cheerleader, me, who will be excited to read whatever you share!

#writing #(does this novel of advice count towards my word count goal 😂 jk i already hit it)#mk talks

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chattegeorgiana · 3 years

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I love your love for Narusaku. I think you're one of the few NS fans left. Narusaku is beautifully sad. They deserved better. I'm Anna M. ;)

Hi Anna!

Thank you so much for your sweet message. ❤️

I must confess that your name rings a bell, but I can't say from where exactly? Have we interacted before?

Please apologize if I have forgotten it, you're talking to an growing old lady here, lol.

As for NaruSaku, well, what's not to love about them? They are closest to real love you can get, and I love real love.

Real. Raw. Messy. Complex. But love. Through thick and thin.

And the best part of it? It's companionship/friendship love.

You can't find any love better than that, trust me.

And I'm not talking out of my imagination but from the same real, raw, messy and wonderful experience you call life.

In a (media) world that keeps promoting toxic traits as being this ultimate proof of real love, these two would've been like I said it million times and I'll say it over and over again, a breath of fresh air.

Naruto was that prince on a white horse every girl dreams of, that support of badasses women the new cultural airs so much push forward via feminism, that gentle yet strong man every woman secretly dreams of, your cool couple like these youngsters dream of, yet level headed, because life is not about extremes.

But this entitled generation mixed with an industry that nowadays only cares about profit brought us where we are today.

Maybe I'm old school, but I am at peace with the way I am.

I've been old school, new school, I've been through every phase of the life you can, but at the ensd of the day, life showed me the real and healthy way.

And the real way is one that very much mimics what NaruSaku had.

Was NaruSaku perfect? Hell no. Life isn't either. But that was the beauty of it and that is what made it so real.

That's what it made it such a positive example for the younger audiences, because it had the balanced mix of everything.

And that's life's purpose as well: everything in balance.

That's how nature itself functions! If you have too much of one thing, nature will find its way to balance it, even if it has to give birth to a new extreme to counterbalance the initial one.

But nature will find its way or will shake the world until it'll find its balance.

And that is what NaruSaku was all about: balance. A healthy dose of everything: sadness, grief, joy, companionship, independence, support, care, you name it.

It has good, healthy morals.

But sadly industry doesn't care about morals. They care about making profit. At the cost of healthy morals. They don't care about teaching healthy morals to the younger audience, they care about how to make profits from these youngsters.

A lot of psychological studies goes into the sales process. And for them to sale as best, they need to get them addicted.

See for example SS's case. Sasuke thanked Sakura back in pt 1 after which he downright rejected her over and over again.

This reminds me of a Tony Robbins quote: rejection breeds obsession. Well, think about it in the context of the narrative for Sakura's charactera in terms of her love for Sasuke and the audience that favored these two.

This is on one side, because on the other side we have the NH case, with entitlement.

I don't know if this has been said by anyone else but, as rejection breeds obsession, entitlement breeds bullying/harrassment.

So much that Hinata fans felt entitled to write to the author over and over again about how much they hate Sakura and how much Hinata should be the one with Naruto instead of Sakura, the girl whom he dearly loved.

Entitlement is a dark part of the newest generation.

Yes, the newest generation has its good parts, too. I am not one of those old ladies that is all about this new generation is crap.

I am not here to play the blame game between generations.

I am here to point out that for all the good they display, they also display bad.

For all the activism they display, they also tend to fall from the edge of balance to the side of entitlement which leads to bullying and harassment.

And I am not talking out of imagination again.

But experience.

One very recent is on Christmas day with Hinata/NaruHina fans.

They found a 2 months old post about Shinachiku on my FB page and started harassing me with NaruHina pictures and foul language.

Here's a glimpse of it.

That is how the youngsters nowadays operate.

What I am trying to say is that they should also be aware of their dark side, not just the light one.

Because like we discussed earlier, it's all about balance.

And they need to become aware of their less good traits, while they pride with their better ones.

However, I think that at the end of the day, it's all about accountability.

And we need to revolutionize the media industry somehow.

I don't know yet how, all I know is that we need to find a way.

For the moment all I can think is kinda getting back to the old ways.

Hayao Miyazaki ways.

I know the newest generation would see it as "boomers" time or idk what "fancy" & "cool" terms it's used nowadays, but everything that is old doesn't mean bad.

We need to take the good lessons with us while learning from their mistakes to understand how we, the newer generation can do better.

Because cutting ourselves fully isn't the answer either.

We're all connected by the thread of life anyway.

It's our choices that set us apart.

But aah, anyway, I've derailed and rambled enough once again.

This was meant to be yet again a post about NaruSaku and I turned it philosophical again.

Sorry about that.

It's a bad habit of mine.

But thank you once again for your sweet message.

I'll always be here to light the candle of NaruSaku light.

#narusaku #sakura haruno #naruto #anti-naruhina #anti-sasusaku

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eremiss · 3 years

Note

WIP Asks: "Reminisce" next

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you like.

I’m not sure when this one is set yet, definitely post-Dragonsong War and post-Foibles (FFXIVWrite2020.) Maybe post-4.0, depending. This is another Thancred PoV one, where they both open up a little bit about their pasts, him about Sharlayan and Gwen about how she made a living and what made her decide to learn botany and pick up a lance.

I’m really liking this one so far, but I’ve been torn about how the conversation about Gwen’s past should go. I’m not sure if I would rather it be dialogue, or a more vague description of what she’s talking about and his reactions to it. I’m sorta-kinda writing both at once and waiting for one of them to start coming easier and/or take off lol

(this is also where that First Lines snippet came from!)

Part of the WIP and a bit more summary below the cut.

Gwen and Thancred are fairly solidly together by this point, though they’re both still avoiding labels or addressing ‘them’ like the plague lest they upset this good thing they have going on. They’re both dinguses.

Despite that, he still doesn’t know much about her, as Gwen isn’t prone to offer much about herself unless it’s something particularly prudent or useful (”You need to shoot something? Don’t give me a bow, I’m not good with them.”) and even when asked she’s more likely to sort of avoid the question or give half-answers as she’s embarrassed about her past, even with Thancred. She’s very self-conscious about growing up alone and with nothing, struggling to get by and picking up and honing skills out of pure desperation. She’s also just a private person in general and not used to talking about herself, so even when she’s asked 100% judgement-free she’s just not sure what to say.

It can grow to be a bit frustrating, to say the least lol

Despite what the Adders’ reports and the increase in Ixali activity seemed to suggest, two days of reconnaissance in the Shroud has yielded little and less. No news is good news in the case of Primals, however, even if it makes the investigation feel a bit tedious.

The Ixali haven’t created any new routes to try and smuggle crystals under the Wailer’s and Adders’ noses, and their old paths have been abandoned since the last time Gwen laid Garuda low. The items stolen in roadside attacks were mostly sundries and foodstuffs bound for Coerthas which, while troubling, isn’t cause for the Scions’ concern.

None of the travelers and merchants they’ve spoken with over the course of their investigation have been happy about being accosted in the middle of the woods, no matter how politely Gwen and the Adder recruits try to go about it.

Thancred watches the latest victim of circumstance storm off down the road from his vantage point high in the trees. He lifts a hand to his linkpearl and remarks, “Seems he took offense.”

Gwen shakes her head, casting her gaze around the trees in search of him. “Just a bit. See anyone else?”

Thancred scans the road. “The road is clear, apart from your new acquaintance.”

She passes that on to the Adders, and they have a small discussion he can only assume pertains to what they intend to do next. Given the way things have been going, this investigation will surely be coming to an end soon.

Eventually the recruits salute and depart back up the way the traveler had come. Gwen doesn’t follow.

Thancred waits until they’re yalms away before speaking into the linkpearl. “What’s the word?”

“They’re going to the rendezvous with the other team, then contact the Adders’ Nest.” She tries to spot him in the trees again. And misses him, again.

“And we get to hold position and await further word?” he drawls.

She nods. Then she remembers they’re speaking over linkpearl, “Yes.”

He sighs at the thought of more bells in the muggy forest. “Wonderful.”

Rather than continue searching the treetops for him, Gwen turns and makes for the bushes on the far side of the road. He watches with mild interest as she wanders through the untamed foliage, ducking out of sight every now and then and gradually wandering further from the road until he’s lost sight of her.

Foraging, if he had to guess. She’s never been a fan of sitting still, and it’s the perfect way to pass the time in a forest. He’s not sure how much she’ll find close to the road, as surely other travelers have already helped themselves to everything convenient.

Gwen has never hidden her skills as a botanist, per say, but she’s a great deal more open about them than she used to be, particularly when it comes to gathering herbs for her own use. Fetching tea leaves for a friend or herbs for a leve is all well and good, but collecting esoteric botanicals for herself is, apparently, a different matter. Perhaps a few too many people have commented about her snacking on dandelions and roots, or balked at the suggestion that they could do the same.

Thancred winces and shifts on the branch, knowing he ought to count himself amongst the former. He puts that little blunder out of his mind, reminding himself he’d meant no ill will and had only been teasing. Her knowledge of Eorzea’s vegetation is nothing to be embarrassed about, nor is utilizing it as she sees fit, and they’re both well aware of that. She knows more than he does, despite the fact she hadn’t had access to the same extensive education and training.

He idly surveys the road, musing about how she’s rather reluctant to discuss how she learned botany, evasive when asked and quick to direct the conversation elsewhere. He can’t fault her for that, though. Many people consider childhoods spent mired in hardship to be a sore subject, and the two of them are no exceptions. Necessity, desperation and survival are wonderful motivators, but they don’t make for good small talk.

Which is likely also why comments about nibbling on weeds or foraging for odd ingredients are unwelcome; those ‘weeds’ may well have kept her alive. And isn’t that a hell of a thing to admit to? It’s not unlike the fact he’s not embarrassed by his ability to pick locks in seconds, but he recoils from the thought of admitting he’d picked up the skill breaking into homes and shops to steal food.

Eventually her lightly-staticy voice rings in his ear again. “Hungry?”

He’s mostly bored, and tired of the tree bark making an impression in his rear. “I take it you are, if you went looking for a snack.”

“Just passing time, mostly.” A pause. Communicating when he can’t read her expression or fidgeting is always interesting, and occasionally vexing. “But we’ve been out here a while, so…”

Thancred gets to his feet and peers up and down the road again, straining his eye and searching for the shapes of travelers through the sparse trees. It’s all clear.

“I don’t suppose you managed to find a wild bakery growing out there?” he asks, stretching his arms and legs in preparation for his descent.

She laughs as the red of her coat comes into view through the trees. “I’m afraid not.”

He scoffs. “All that time studying botany and you can’t track down fresh bread in the wilderness?”

“Not even a single loaf,” she confesses, her remorseful tone colored with mirth.

“Shameful, honestly. Why did I even bring you along?” He starts climbing back down to the ground, her laugh bubbling warmly in his ear.

Gwen’s excursion into the woods turned up a handful of roots, weeds and flowers that the average traveler wouldn’t look twice at. Between his survival training and his time in Dravania, particularly before he’d fashioned those obsidian knives, Thancred isn’t so easily perturbed.

They stroll along the road and snack, chatting and keeping an eye out for travelers or signs of movement in the trees. She walks on his left, sparing him the inconvenience of his blindspot. He has to turn his head to see her, though, but doesn’t mention it.

She shows him how to shave the hard skin off the roots, and then stares confusedly when he does it more masterfully than she had. He makes a bit of a show of it, carelessly flipping his hunting knife around in his fingers in a way that always makes her tense and reveling in her silent disapproval.

Gwen asks about Sharlayan and what the time he spent there was like, intent as ever to know more about him and draw out the things he normally keeps hidden.

He chews, thinks, and decides to oblige her. Mayhap she’ll be convinced to return the favor.

He tells her about the city, the people, and the Studium to start. Then they spend a handful of yalms musing about the growing pains that came with maturing from a Lominsan wharf rat into a Sharlayan scholar. She has some questions, he has some answers --some more open and direct than others. Secrecy and facades are his habit, despite how easy she is to speak to and how well she can coax him out of his shell.

With the scene set, he weaves her a tale about some of his more harrowing lessons with Sharlayan’s masters of stealth and subtlety, sprinkling in a bit of the mischief he’d gotten up to here and there. She makes a good audience, listening attentively and reacting at the right parts.

He finishes his tale and throws in a flick of his wrist for a bit of flourish, followed by a grandiose half-bow that earns him a laugh and a brief applause.

They haven’t run into another traveler yet, or seen any suspicious movement in the woods. They turn around and begin making their way back to where they’d parted with the Adders recruits.

“Your turn,” Thancred prompts, lacing his fingers together behind his head.

Gwen cocks her head.

“A story for a story,” he says. “Tell me about yourself.”

(((Tangent: This reminded me I also want to write a fic about Gwen studying her ass off post-ARR because and struggling with self-consciousness when she realizes how limited her knowledge is and how little she knows about the fine details and advanced aspects of Aetherology and a dozen other things the Archons all discuss and debate with ease. She doesn’t feel stupid per say, it’s more she’s intimidated and embarrassed at how limited her knowledge is in comparison to them, as well as feeling a bit foolish for being proud of her novice conjury and thaumaturgy, and even her red magic. (Which is ridiculous, obvs.) It’s a bit like being a novice at something and then being humbled, even unintentionally, by an expert. Also a little bit of “being a smart person in a room of smarter people,” kind of feeling. She’s not dumb, but she feels way less smart than she is/thought she was when she’s around the Archons (too much so, even.) There’s also no small amount of envy about them growing up at studying in Sharlayan, and wishing she’d ever had, or would have, the chance to go to school and get/have that same breadth of knowledge. She’s not a very prideful person, but she is/was proud of learning all she did despite her situation, and being reminded of how non-comprehensive her knowledge is kinda stings. She did great, considering her circumstances... and that qualifier has never ceased to be annoying. Some of her self-consciousness also stems from her realizing a great deal of her mastery of red- and black-magic skills has to do with the Echo letting her absorb stuff super quickly, and she almost feels like that was cheating and wonders if she really actually knows it all as well as she thinks, or if the Echo is just...doing it for her, kinda.)))

#Pre-5.0 #Thancred Waters #WoL #WIPs #my writing #Prompts #Answered #Thanks :D #I really want to finish this one uuuuggghhhh #lynmars79

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artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

Not Like In The Fairy Tales (But Just As Beautiful) (Crygi/Jankie) - Chaoticnachokitten

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419959

A/N: Heyy:)) I wrote this a few months ago and completely forgot to post it lol. Thanks to @cryshillz for giving me the idea for it and @aqtanawrites for beta-ing<3

Summary: Crystal is just your average high school student, (well, maybe except her makeup and outfit choices), friendly, dreamy and fairly popular. All she wants are her friends, One Direction songs, and maybe a fairy tale esque relationship. Everything would be perfect if it wasn't for that one girl that keeps staring at her with an expression that could kill...

Literally just your typical enemies to lovers high school au:)

It was 6am on a rainy Monday morning. Crystal woke up to the sweet tunes of 'What Makes You Beautiful' by One Direction. She had the habit of using a different One Direction song as her alarm clock every day.

Especially on Mondays she just needed a bit of extra motivation to get up and get ready for school, and that particular song never failed to make her smile, including today.

She slowly got out of bed, and walked up to her closet. It was a beautiful mess of almost offensively bright, colorful clothes. Crystal firmly believed that wearing as many colors as possible was helpful to stay positive all the time. 'Plain' or 'simple' clothing was something she liked to pretend didn't even exist.

Once she was done with picking out her outfit for the day, she went into her bathroom, preparing for her favorite part of her morning routine: her makeup. Firstly, she washed her face, and then applied some products that would hopefully protect her skin from what she was about to do to it. Then, she tried to find all of her needed makeup products. Unfortunately, she had a habit of trying out new looks constantly, and for some reason her products ended up being scattered in the entire bathroom. Her parents had given up on trying to keep the bathroom organized at this point.

After finding everything she needed, which were approximately 50 products, including tons of her beloved glitter, she started with her time consuming but fun painting, blasting her OD playlist to stay in a good mood. Her thoughts drifted around for a bit, eventually settling on the memories of how her high school had tried to get her to dress 'appropriately' and to stop her 'clown like' makeup. At first the teachers had assumed that she would get teased because of her looks, but they had been very wrong. Crystal had such a fun and loveable personality that no one really said anything negative about her, in fact, the only people who teased her about her makeup were her best friends, who obviously didn't mean it. Crystal was friends with just about everyone, except one person.

Crystal quickly tried to think of something else, she didn't want to ruin her morning by thinking about the only person she didn't like.

So, after the teachers had realized that no other student would tell her to stop with her makeup, they tried to threaten her by sending her to the principal's office multiple times. But, since she kept arguing about how she needed to express herself, and because her grades were good, the teachers gave up and her style was tolerated eventually. At least her art teacher loved her creativity.

Crystal checked herself out in the mirror one last time. Her long, curly hair was brushed nicely, it looked all shiny and soft like usual, she was wearing a full face of makeup, around three times the amount of what an average student would wear, and her outfit complemented her makeup nicely. Afterwards she went on her way to her high school, which happened to be just a few minutes away from her home. As always, she had her earphones in so she could continue to listen to her playlist, which she had named 'positive vibes'.

Before entering the big, old, dull building, she removed her earphones as electronic devices were strictly forbidden and had to be stored in the school bags, otherwise a teacher had the right to take them away. It was a stupid and annoying rule, but other than about her personal style, Crystal didn't like getting in trouble, so she just accepted it.

Crystal's morning had been pretty good so far, but of course, the first person she saw in the hallway was the one she didn't like. Her name was Gigi Goode, and, Crystal usually didn't like to swear, the only word that could be used to describe her was a complete bitch. Now, sadly, Gigi was gorgeous, everyone was jealous of her looks. Even after a long P.E lesson she still managed to look perfect, not even a single makeup particle out of place. Gigi exclusively wore expensive makeup and clothes, always looking like she was about to be on the cover of Vogue or something. Not only that, but she was smart too, a straight A student, nothing less ever. She regularly engaged in class, the teachers often used her as a good example. But beyond that, Gigi was also the most conceited person Crystal knew. She seemed to lack any kind of empathy or friendliness. The only thing she seemed to care about was herself and her reputation.

She wasn't really friends with anyone, everyone was intimidated by her. She didn't seem to care for friendships anyway. But Gigi just seemed to hate Crystal for no reason. Everytime Crystal was near Gigi she looked at the ground to avoid the look. Gigi liked to glare at Crystal like she was something unsightly, like a stain on her clothes or a disgusting bug or something along those lines. Nothing out of the ordinary, except today, if anything, Gigi looked at her with an even meaner expression than usual.

"Maybe her favorite brand of lipstick got discontinued," Crystal thought to herself as she searched for her friends, all she had to do was follow the sound. And sure enough, just a few meters away she spotted Jan and Jackie, who were talking about something. Jan seemed to be even more enthusiastic than usual, and Jackie looked slightly concerned.

"...it's a genius plan, I promise! And very easy to execute. We have to show them that they just belong together."

Jan was nearly screaming the last sentence, loud enough to hear clearly for Crystal who was just waiting for their conversation to end as she didn't want to interrupt them. But then, Jan saw Crystal and monitored for her to come.

"Genius plan? Jan, look, I love you very much, but the last time you said that, and canceled our movie night for it-"

"You're still mad about that?" Jan asked with a hint of amusement.

"Let me finish. Last time you had one of your 'genius ideas' you broke into the school with Nicky to save the frogs we were meant to dissect in biology."

"Well, obviously my plan worked because the frogs are now free, and we didn't have to dissect anything!"

Jackie sighed, fighting the smile caused by the adorableness of her girlfriend, and shook her head fondly.

"And I'm very happy about that. However, you and Nicky got detention for a whole month and only very narrowly avoided legal consequences. And you were grounded forever!"

Jan looked at Jackie with huge eyes.

"But..the frogs..they were worth all of that."

Jackie looked at Crystal who had just been listening to the fairly weird conversation. Though that kind of stuff wasn't uncommon for Jan and Jackie at all.

"Crystal, I'm dating an idiot."

Crystal just laughed and then shyly looked at Jan. The girl looked back at her with mock anger. Then she turned her attention back to Jackie.

"Oh, so I'm the idiot now? I would like to remind you of the time when I was still grounded, and you decided to do it like they do it in the movies and attempted to climb up my house to get into my room through the window, just because you wanted to see me..it's not like you see me at school literally every day."

"It was Saturday. And we spent some..quality time that day."

"That was after I quite literally had to pull you up myself after you almost fell down."

Jackie was about to respond when the bell rang as annoyingly as ever, announcing that the first class was about to start. Jan, Jackie, Crystal and, unfortunately for Crystal, Gigi were all in the same class. Jan attempted to leave, but she was pulled back by Jackie.

"No girl, no skipping classes anymore. You'll just get into trouble again."

"But..." Jan started.

"No buts. You're coming with us. Do you need a bit of..extra motivation?"

Jan smirked, getting the hint, and then nodding excitedly.

Jackie hugged her, and then placed a kiss on Jan's soft lips. A few seconds later they were full on making out.

Around a minute later the bell rang again, and the two of them broke apart. Jackie looked at Crystal, who was now staring at the ground, blushing, apologetically.

"Crys, oh my God, I'm so sorry you had to witness that."

"You're not sorry," Jan disagreed.

"It's fine, I'm used to it by now, I know how gross you guys are," Crystal smiled.

"Anyway, let's go, otherwise we'll be late for class," Jackie said in a slightly nervous tone. She hated being late.

Jan sighed.

"And I'm dating the teacher's pet."

Before Jan could try to run away again, Jackie grabbed the girl's hand and dragged her along.

On the way to class, Crystal couldn't help but feel jealous of her friends. Jan and Jackie were just such a cute couple. It wasn't like she was attracted to either of them, it was more that she had the desire to experience the same kind of love they had for each other. She wanted that kind of fairytale fantasy cute relationship, with the occasional playful teasing.

The three of them finally reached the classroom, just in time. Crystal sat down in her usual spot, and got out her needed school supplies. Since the teacher surprisingly wasn't there yet, she checked her phone, scrolling through her social media. Since there wasn't anything too interesting, she switched it off soon again and looked around for a bit. To her horror, she noticed that Gigi was looking at her. But something was weird about it. Crystal could have sworn that Gigi had looked at her with an almost friendly expression...probably as friendly as Gigi was able to, before using the look again. A few seconds later Gigi looked away again. Crystal missed that Gigi was blushing.

Crystal suddenly felt like she had invaded Gigi's personal space. It was stupid, but she felt her face heat up. To try and calm down, she ran a hand through her hair to fix it, even though nothing was wrong with it in the first place before opening her notepad, and started doodling tiny flowers and animals in it so she had something to focus on.

Just when she had calmed down enough to feel as comfortable as she could while being at school, the English teacher entered the room, greeting the students. Crystal looked up for a minute, listening to what the teacher was talking about, before going back to doodling. She was almost always more focused in class while drawing. It was accepted by most teachers, and a real blessing in art class.

Today was different. For some reason, she kept thinking about Gigi, and the way she had seen the unusual behavior of her today. It honestly wouldn't have been a big deal at all, but she had never seen Gigi without that I-accidentally-bit-into-a-lemon glance, and instead looked at Crystal like she was an actual person. Thinking about it caused Crystal to feel an odd, but definitely not unpleasant sensation spreading from her heart. Could it be..?

"No. No, definitely not, not her," she told herself before forcefully turning her attention back to the teacher.

"Okay, so today we'll start with a new topic: presentations. They are very important, you will have to do one in pretty regardless of where you want to work in your later life. Now, we'll work on your confidence first, therefore the topic of the presentation will be up to you. And because teamwork is very important as well, you'll work in groups of two."

The teacher noticed that Jan had raised her hand.

"Yes, Jan?"

"How about we get paired up randomly? Later on in our life we don't get to choose either who we'll have to work with, so this might be some good practice."

The teacher nodded, impressed by Jan's level of maturity, and surprised because the girl usually didn't participate that much.

The rest of the class seemed okay with that idea as all of them got along quite well. Jackie looked at Jan with a surprised look, Jan smiled at her before mouthing "all part of my plan, don't worry."

The teacher resumed.

"Great idea, actually, thanks Jan. Okay, everyone, please take out a piece of paper and write down your names. Then fold it and bring it to my desk."

Jan raised her hand again.

"Yes?"

"Can I please read out the teams?"

"Yeah, sure."

The next few minutes were spent by people asking for paper and pens and then writing down all of the names. Jan hastily scribbled the three letters of her own name before turning her attention to Crystal. She was writing down her name on that obnoxious rainbow colored paper she adored, making the next step of Jan's plan easier.

Then she looked at Gigi. She was using some expensive art paper she usually used to draw gorgeous pictures on. It even felt expensive, so spotting it later on shouldn't be too hard either. Jan couldn't quite believe that her plan was going so smoothly.

Jackie was ready to bring her paper to the teacher's desk, but Jan stopped her before she could do so.

"Wait, I want to be paired up with you. Mark it with a smiley or something," Jan whispered.

Jackie smirked before doing so.

"Fine, miss we-should-work-with-different-people-to-gain-new-experience."

"You'll understand later."

After every piece of paper was on the desk, Jan mixed all of them up to keep up the illusion that every pair would be selected in a fair and completely random way..

Crystal felt someone looking at her. When she looked around, it was Gigi once again. This time she was sure she had seen Gigi's initial expression which had looked almost dreamy before she was back to looking mean again. When Crystal didn't look right away again, Gigi even looked insecure for a split second before hissing "what the hell are you looking at?" before looking away herself.

Crystal was shocked. Had she just seen the usually overly confident Gigi Goode looking...insecure?

She didn't even have time to process everything that had just happened as Jan, who had already paired up quite a few people, called her name.

"Okay so Crystal and.."

Jan tried to make it seem like she was just randomly picking out a piece of paper.

"Gigi."

Crystal's jaw dropped. She didn't dare to look at Gigi. That was the worst team she had ever been in. She was shocked to the point of shivering. She felt her blood running both hot and cold at the same time. And just when she had tried to reason that she could just do her part of the assignment alone, and would just have to do the presentation with Gigi, the teacher spoke up again.

"To ensure you'll actually work together, you will get a grade as a team instead of individual ones. Before you can go, please note that you now have one week to prepare. Since I already wrote down the teams, please don't change them up again. Okay, that's it. Goodbye, see you all tomorrow."

Everyone except Crystal packed up and got ready to leave. Gigi, for once, looked unsettled and left as soon as she could in order to keep up her usual act and not show any emotions. Crystal, on the other hand, was too shocked to do anything other than staring off into space. This was officially the worst day in her life. There was no way she would survive working together with someone who looked like she was about to stab Crystal as soon as they were alone.

Jan pulled her out of her almost trance like state by waving her arms in front of Crystal.

"Hey, are you okay? You don't look good, you're so pale out of the sudden."

Crystal looked at Jan desperately.

"Okay?? No, I'm not 'okay' at all. In case you missed it, I have to work with Gigi out of all people and I can't switch partners...what am I going to do?"

Jan decided to act like she was sorry. In her opinion that drastic measure was necessary to make Crystal and Gigi talk for once, and hopefully that would be enough to make them see that they like each other. Jan had seen the way Gigi looked at Crystal when the latter wasn't aware of it, and she knew that Crystal had a hard time noticing and admitting that she liked someone, due to the fact that she once had her heart broken badly before, and it had taken lots of time and support from her friends to get over it. So, complaining about someone more often than usual was Crystal's way to try and suppress her feelings.

"I'm so sorry Crys, but I'm sure it's going to be fine. And if she's mean to you, I'll make her pay for it, I promise. In fact, I still have that weird hair dye that's supposed to dye your hair purple, but it turned mine green and it took an eternity to get it out again, remember that?"

Crystal forced herself to giggle. She did feel a bit better knowing that Jan would help her if things didn't go smoothly.

"Thanks, Janice, I appreciate it. And honestly, the green didn't look that bad. Besides, you obviously care about green frogs enough to risk legal consequences, so dyeing your hair to match them is just the natural next step."

"I probably shouldn't have told anyone that story, but I would have never thought that saving countless innocent lives would ever be used against me, at least not that frequently. But anyway, ready to leave now?"

Crystal sighed. She really didn't want to see Gigi anymore, at least today.

"What are the chances of Jackie killing you for skipping class one more time with me?"

Jan laughed.

"Unfortunately too high to risk it. Besides, you won't be able to avoid her all week, and if you don't want a bad grade you will have to work with her. Once again, I'm very sorry."

"Okay, fine. And don't apologize Jan, it's not your fault."

Jan had to suppress a smirk. If only she knew..

The rest of the school day surprisingly wasn't that terrible. Gigi didn't look at Crystal at all, not even once, instead she was fully concentrated on engaging as much as usual in each class. Crystal on the other hand didn't care about anything else that moment, she was trying and failing to come up with a way that would make working with Gigi okay. And she sure as hell wouldn't be the one to start the conversation. Since Gigi wasn't satisfied with anything less than an A, she probably would be the one to approach Crystal anyway. Hopefully.

When the school bell rang again, this time to indicate that the day was over, Crystal couldn't wait to get home, she carelessly stuffed her school supplies into her rainbow colored bag and nearly stormed out of the school without even saying goodbye to any of her friends. For once she didn't care about being nice and polite, she just wanted to go home, crawl into her bed, cry, listen to music, and ignore the world around her until she would feel better.

But today some higher force seemed to have something against her. Once she was back home, laying in her bed comfortably, surrounded by her plushies, she decided to check her phone before listening to music. It turned out to be a big mistake. She saw that she had received a message by an unknown number. Usually she would have just ignored and blocked it, but she couldn't. The number had a profile picture, and Crystal immediately recognized it. A pretty girl with perfect skin and shiny brunette hair. Gigi.

She decided that she deserved a break from everything that had happened today, so she turned on airplane mode so she wouldn't be disturbed by anyone anymore, put in her earphones once again, and then clicked on her playlist. She proceeded to close her eyes, trying not to think about anything, just listen to the music instead. She wasn't able to calm down though, even after 30 minutes of trying. The message she had refused to read out of fear earlier seemed to be haunting her. She decided to finally read it.

'Hey, it's Gigi.

It seems like we'll have to work together. I'm sure you're just as interested in a good grade as I am, so I think we should talk things out. Hating each other while trying to give a good presentation will probably not work out, plus we haven't even decided on a topic. So come to my place at 6pm, here is the address.'

Crystal checked the time. She had about an hour left. According to Google, getting to the location would take 45 minutes. She didn't want to make Gigi mad now that it seemed like they would maybe be able to finally work their problems out. She hastily jumped out of her bed, and ran into the bathroom to touch up her makeup as soon as possible.

Thankfully it wasn't terribly smudged or anything, so she was able to go on her way just a few minutes later. That way she would even have a bit of extra time in case she didn't find Gigi's house or if she needed some time to prepare herself mentally for actually ringing the doorbell, which was very likely going to be the case. Crystal had a pretty bad sense of orientation.

Meanwhile, Gigi was anxiously pacing around in her room, checking her makeup and outfit every time she passed a mirror. She had a lot of them in her room. Gigi knew that she was a mess on the inside right now, so it was even more important for her not to show it on the inside. She hoped that her facade that she had built up over the years was enough to hide her emotions from Crystal. The truth was, she wasn't as confident as she pretended to be. In fact, Gigi was a very insecure girl, afraid that someone would see right through her, able to tell just how weak she actually was on the inside. She was scared that people would make fun of her, so she just pushed everyone who tried to befriend her away. Being friends with people had never worked out in the past, instead she had been used and then she had been left with low self esteem and trust issues. Eventually she decided she wouldn't get hurt by people ever again, and that was when she started wearing expensive clothes to intimidate people and flawless makeup as it made her feel like a completely different person, beautiful and confident. Her makeup was like a mask for her as well, a constant reminder that she needed to keep up her facade to remain safe.

Gigi's thoughts were interrupted by the piercing sound of the doorbell. She checked her makeup for what seemed like the 100th time that day, and then went to open the door.

"Hey," Crystal greeted her, looking as nervous and anxious as Gigi felt. For some reason it made her feel better.

"Hey. Thanks for coming. Come in." Gigi managed to keep her usual cool tone despite the fact that she was extremely nervous.

Crystal did as she was told. Unexpectedly, Gigi's house was both huge, almost as big as a mansion, and the furniture looked extremely expensive and beautiful. But since Crystal was also a nervous mess, she wasn't able to focus on anything properly.

Gigi led her into her room (a gigantic one, beautiful and organized, girly but not at all kitschy) and monitored for Crystal to sit down on her bed. Crystal, again, did as she was told, it was her only option as she couldn't even think straight. Gigi carefully sat down next to her. She didn't look at Crystal because she felt like she would break if she did, and instead stared at her ceiling.

"Okay so, I guess I'll explain why I behave the way I do around you. The truth is, I don't hate you. I know you think I do, but I don't. In fact, I'm jealous of you."

Crystal couldn't believe her ears. First of all, Gigi talking about her feelings? And most importantly: How could Gigi Perfect Goode be jealous of her? Crystal bit her tongue to remain silent, the question was burning on her tongue, but she felt like talking wasn't a good idea right now.

"You're so lucky. You get to be yourself. You can wear and act however you want because you're so cute and loveable and everyone wants to be your friend."

Did Gigi just call me cute?

"You don't know what it means to constantly act like a bitch to keep people away from me. And all of that because I'm scared. I'm so scared of being judged. Of being used, of being hurt. I can't handle another person lowering my self esteem to the point where I can't leave the house anymore. It took me months to get where I am today. Why do you think I check my hair and makeup every few minutes? Why do you think I keep staring at you?"

Gigi was getting so emotional that she had to stop talking as her eyes were starting to get as glossy as her perfectly applied lip gloss. She tried taking deep breaths to calm down, but that just made everything worse.

"This is so stupid, I'm sorry…"

"Gigi, please don't call your emotions stupid. It's okay to express your feelings,you've been ignoring them for far too long already. I promise I won't tell anyone. And I know what being hurt feels like, believe me, and being able to talk about my feelings helped me a lot."

Perhaps it were Crystal's words, perhaps Gigi's feelings were too much for her to bottle up anymore, but just a minute later she found herself bawling her eyes out while Crystal had her arms wrapped around her in a protective and comforting way that Gigi actually felt like it was okay for her to cry and let out everything. It was weird, they didn't even really know each other, and surely she wouldn't have expected the meeting with Crystal to go like that at all, but strangely enough it felt so right.

After a solid ten minutes of crying, Gigi was finally starting to calm down. She decided that now, since she had told Crystal her secret already and she had also cried in Crystal's arms, which had probably ruined her pretty makeup/ facade, she had nothing to lose anymore. She freed herself from Crystal's grip, cupped the girl's face, and proceeded to kiss her like she had been wanting to for months. She was fast and aggressive, all of her emotions went into it.

Crystal didn't even think, the kiss felt more than right, so she kissed back just a second later with the same intensity to match Gigi's energy.

It wasn't like the start of her dream fairy tale beginning of a relationship, quite the opposite, actually. Gigi was still crying, Crystal's face was getting wet from the tears, but in that moment she could have cared less about the 'perfect' start of a relationship. What she had right here was just as perfect to her, if not more.

After what could have been seconds, minutes, or even days, both of them were blown away by the intensity of the moment that time didn't matter anymore, they slowly broke apart.

"Crystal I'm so sorry. I didn't know what came over me," Gigi started all of the sudden. She was breathing way too fast.

"Shh, calm down. My only question is, did you mean the kiss? Be honest."

Gigi nodded, looking away.

"I meant it too when I kissed you back."

Gigi looked like a weight had been lifted off of her. Then, she seemed to have an idea.

"I know this is incredibly early, but uhm..I'm alone and my parents won't come back until in a few days, do you maybe want to stay with me for the night? I just want to find out more about the girl I've been secretly admiring for the past few months."

Crystal smiled softly.

"Of course. I would love to know more about the girl that has been hiding every emotion for..I don't even know how long. Tell me what you're feeling, every single one, I want to know all about them. And please don't ever be afraid again to show people your vulnerable side. The world may be terrible, but not every single person is, I promise."

"You're the prime example of that," Gigi said quietly.

"You're still treating me like this even though I was such a terrible person to you...thank you so much Crystal."

With that, they intertwined their fingers, slowly getting closer until their lips touched again. This time it felt different, but just as amazing. It was all slow and tender, and neither of them wanted the moment to end. Maybe it was like in the kitschy fairy tales after all.

#rpdr fanfiction #crystal methyd #gigi goode #jan sport #jackie cox #crygi #jankie #high school au #angst #hurt/comfort #chaoticnachokitten #concrit welcome #s12

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aiden-png · 3 years

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to celebrate the end of 2020, I’ve decided to share the highlights of the writing I did this year! I’m going to share a few of my favorite snippets from 2020, and I think this could be a fun tag meme to invite friends to join in on so they can appreciate their progress and hard work too! I couldn’t have written so much if it wasn’t for the great online community supporting me and all my wonderfully talented friends!!

I’m gonna tag @freshie-writes @silverdragon-imagines-blog @st0rmy-writes @fuckit-hero-of-trains @no-themes-just-memes @timeturner-jay and anyone else who wants to join in, feel free! you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but you all wrote amazing things this year and I’m gonna appreciate you for them!!

snippets below the cut (please do this or make a new post if you wanna join, just so we don’t flood everyone’s dashboard lol!)

it’s difficult to count for certain, but across 7 google docs from April to December 2020, I wrote 324,782 words just of Legend of Zelda fanfic! it’s been a crazy fun year and I think my writing has improved a ton since I started writing fic again in April! thank you all for supporting me through the last 9 months!! <3

here’s a highlight of some of my favorite excerpts from fics I wrote this year! Smoke on the Wind and Dream With Me are two of my favorite pieces I wrote this year for angst, while Four Feet of Pure Flirtation and Lessons in Love are my favorites for crack/fluff :D the other snippets are featured bc I’m proud of how the fics turned out !

Dream With Me: June 28, 2020 Legend and Hyrule sat on the beach, a mere two feet separating them. It felt like much more. Farther than they’d ever been apart before. The other heroes stumbled onto the sand, frozen in shock as they took in the scene before them. Legend, knife drawn and hands shaking dangerously. Hyrule, knees buried in the sand and hands held over his chest, trying desperately not to reach out again. The sun was rising, pinks disappearing into vibrant gold and crushed purple and bright blue. As dawn broke, their vision wavered. Hyrule gasped, Legend blurring before him, the sand beneath him fading, the roar of the waves diminishing. Magic hour was ending. “This isn’t a dream,” Hyrule whispered, and Legend’s shoulders shook with silent sobs. “I’m real. I’m here. Legend, come with me.” Hyrule stretched out his arm, fingers splayed, eyes begging. Legend flinched back, dagger slipping from shaking fingers. He stared, disbelieving. Vertigo consumed Hyrule’s senses, his vision clouding with black dots. “Take my hand, Legend!” Hyrule cried, and Legend jumped. He sprung forward, hand grasping. Hyrule felt nothing as Legend’s hand passed through his. “Hyrule!” He blinked, and found himself in an unfamiliar field, reaching towards sunrise.

Smoke on the Wind: August 7, 2020 Wind hadn’t always had this ability, but before his second adventure, before the ghosts became tangible to his skin and visible to his eyes, he still had a sixth sense of sorts to rely on. Back then he’d called it instinct, but now he called it a curse. It never helped him do better on his adventure, never showed him the way, never allowed him to prevent someone’s demise--only forced him to bear witness to it in all its excruciatingly gory detail. Some spoke of death like a mercy, others like a boon. Wind knew death like an old friend and he despised it with all the rage contained in his tiny body. Some feared death, some prayed for its delay. Wind feared no man, god, or figment of imagination. There was no reason to fear something he couldn’t prevent, there was no reason to pray to something that would never hear or listen. Some ran from death, some hid. Wind stared death in the eye and spat in its face. He thrust a magical fucking sword through its head and banished it to a watery grave.

Four Feet of Pure Flirtation: June 26, 2020 Maybe he should have shared just a tad bit more with them, but that was a regret for future Four to deal with. And really, he hadn’t been expecting it himself, so they couldn’t exactly blame him when Dark Link materialized in their camp one morning and sent Four’s heart racing in an unfamiliar-familiar way. Four felt the heat crawl up his chest, felt his tongue loosen, felt his eyes trail over Dark’s lithe form just a bit too slow to be innocent. No one had told him Dark was attractive. Although, Vio reminded him, we are the only ones attracted to villains. We are most decidedly not! Four shot back. The denial was empty. They most decidedly were.

Hero Through the Ages: June 19, 2020 Wild sighed, chin resting on his knees. He glanced over at Sky, feeling anxiety buzz within him as a question pushed at the back of his mind. “Hey, Sky… does the sword still recognize me?” Sky froze at the unexpected question, eyes searching Wild’s carefully schooled expression. Wild felt his anxiety rise but he held his ground as the older hero tentatively reached back and unsheathed the Master Sword. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Wild tried hard not to notice the new eyes on them as he waited for Sky’s response. He knew what the answer should be, but when the other slowly opened his eyes and held the sword out for Wild, it was still conflicting to feel the familiar weight of it in his hands. Not too heavy. Not burning. Perfectly at home, as if he’d just begun his adventure and still had many years left before the Calamity struck. Wild felt a pit in his stomach as he handed the sword back, Sky’s concerned gaze not helping. “How old were you when you pulled the sword?” Sky asked quietly, and Wild stared at his hands as they trembled slightly in his lap. “Too young.”

A Shower to Remember: July 4, 2020 Enter Twilight and Wild. TWILIGHT I can see thee up th’re. Come hither. I simply wish to speak with thee.

Enter Legend to Shower Crashers. LEGEND all’s well that ends well, I believe our plan hath been a success. cheers to thee all. FOUR didst thou not see Wild running for his life not a minute past? LEGEND that is’t his problem, not mine.

Lessons in Love: July 9, 2020 The offer though, that’s what truly made Legend pause. Show you the ropes, he’d said. He should be insulted that Ravio thought he was that hopeless, but the man wasn’t wrong. Legend was absolutely, positively hopeless, evidenced by the situation he now found himself in. Should he say no and move on? Should he accept--and then what? Maybe he should laugh it off, say he was joking, or perhaps he should come clean now and tell Ravio how he felt? But he still didn’t know if Ravio felt the same, those dark eyes betraying nothing in the fading light of sunset. So, naturally, Legend continued to panic. “What do you mean by ‘show me the ropes’?” Legend asked, quick, defensive enough to pass as insulted. Ravio snorted, tasting the hot chocolate, and Legend’s eyes were drawn to his lips once more as if under a spell. “I mean no offense, Link,” Ravio laughed, seeming not to catch the blush on Legend’s face as Ravio used his name. “I just figured you might want some pointers. Flirting, hand holding, relationship advice, y’know? You don’t have to accept the offer by any means!” Flirting? Hand holding? Legend gulped. He was already an idiot. Maybe he could play dumb for a little while longer…

Scars: June 2, 2020 “I used to try and cover myself in public--I didn’t like the way people would whisper or stare when they saw. But eventually I came to accept the scars as part of me. I remembered how I got them, and I realized I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the journey that led to me getting these scars. And I like who I am…” Wild trailed off, sifting sand through his fingers as Warriors listened. “I’ve come to love my scars, because they hold such important memories for me. Even if some of the memories aren’t so great, I wouldn’t be who I am today without them, you know? And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Beneath the Surface: July 13, 2020 For the first few months he had lied to himself, blaming the others or the weather or Shadow or Vaati or anything rather than admitting he had a problem. But Blue did, in fact, have a problem, and fighting and yelling it out wasn’t the healthiest solution. For the others it was easy. Green had Vio, for Wind could rarely move Earth, and Red got along with everyone he was so full of love to give. But Blue wasn’t good at teamwork, he wasn’t good at strategizing, and he wasn’t good at showing affection--he was good at being angry, and that was it. He was the protector, the toughest of them all in strength and will; but when you’re always protecting others, no one protects you. Not like Blue made it easy for the others to approach him, and he didn’t blame them for giving up. They were all struggling, they all had their own issues, and while Wind was a gentle breeze and Fire a warming comfort and Earth a steady rock--Water was impossible to hold down. He was forever changing, flowing, and while it meant that he could adapt well to new situations, it also meant that every time he felt close to getting a handle on his emotions they would slip from his grasp once more. His magic ebbed and swayed and his emotions followed their tide, not his, and so he pushed others away rather than admit he couldn’t handle himself. If protecting them meant distancing himself, then so be it.

The Point of No Return: June 19, 2020 He turned back to Four, brushing the back of his hand across his cheek. He’d wanted to share a meal with his partner. He’d wanted to see Four’s small smile--just for him--as he tried Hylian food for the first, second, hundredth time. Long ago, they’d promised to travel the world together. Four wanted to share everything with him; wanted to show him the forge, wanted him to meet his Grandfather, wanted to take him to see the Minish. After the adventure, Four had promised. He’d be free to go and do whatever he wanted, right by Four’s side. Well, he was at his side now. And this was not what they’d promised each other.

A Major Test of Strength: May 7, 2020 Even being worthy of the Triforce of Courage didn’t mean he was brave enough to act on, or even think, about how he felt about Sidon. He reasoned it was better not to say anything, especially now. He was going off to a battle he may not return from. Even if he burned to know if Sidon felt the same, it would be selfish to ask knowing he may be leaving for the last time. Link would rather go to the grave with his feelings then leave Sidon alone with them. At least if he died before confessing, Sidon would be able to move on, he hoped. Sidon was his best friend, and that was enough for now.

#aiden writes #tumblr went down right as I was trying to post this oof!#now I can finally send this and tag all my friends !#everyone is so talented and I hope you all know how much I love your work !!!#you deserve to hear how good it is and to feel proud of your accomplishments!#<3!!!

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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Reflection on Japanese Progress (so far)

I wanted to make something more coherent on my thoughts on how my japanese progress has gone lately, because in some ways its better than I expected. I think part of it has to do with better study methods being used right now compared to the first time I studied japanese, but another large part of it I think is my experience with chinese affecting my japanese.

Prior Japanese Progress (2.5 years)

When I first studied Japanese seriously I took 1 college class, then continued to self study. Generally 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, some weeks/months no study, sometimes more study. I studied like this for 2 years. Then the final portion, year 2 - 2.5, I immersed and studied more like 2 hours per day and that’s when I saw the fastest progress as far as milestones.

The reasons my progress went so slow up until year 2 are pretty clear to me. I had very little study time per day and japanese simply takes a lot more hours to hit milestones than french. The other thing slowing me down is that japanese has few cognates with english (compared to french).

When I read The Word Brain recently, it said for languages similar each other (like english/french) you need to learn around 5000 new words, and for less similar languages like chinese and japanese you need to learn 15,000. So for Japanese I needed to learn more words before I could hit the same milestones of “read a comic ok with a dictionary” or “read a comic comfortably without a dictionary” or “read the news with only occasional word lookups” etc. French having more cognates and similarities benefited me quickly - I could start reading comfortable with occassional dictionary look up (and follow the overall main idea fine) after learning ~500 words. For Japanese, I was expecting the same kind of results from a few hundred words when that wasn’t realistic.

I also remember I held myself back a lot with Japanese - I didn’t want to learn more words until I’d learned 1000+ kanji lol. Guess who never did. The closest I got was I borrowed a Tuttle book from the library and learned the meanings of 300 kanji. I tried Heisig’s RTK book and barely learned any, I never got past a couple hundred. I tried KKLC and my tendency to “over memorize until I’m perfect” meant I also never got past a couple hundred. In 2 years, I knew a few hundred words and a few hundred kanji, and it was not nearly enough to hit the same milestone I’d hit in French in 6 months with 500 words.

I didn’t make progress until year 2 in studying japanese, when I started Nukemarine’s Memrise LLJ decks and got through around 500 kanji, 500 other words, and a few hundred example sentences. It’s not surprising in retrospect that its at that point when I saw the same milestone I hit in french 5 months in. I finally had ~1500 ish words I knew from various resources. 3 times as many words as I knew in french when I could hit the same milestone (very basic reading skills with a dictionary of overall main idea).

At year 2 I made another major change that helped a lot - I started immersing. Before that, I’d “assumed” japanese would be too hard until I “learned more kanji, more words” and basically refused to challenge myself. But I learn best by doing. I remember best by doing things that make what I’m learning necessary to know. So immersion helped a LOT, it made remembering kanji much easier because I constantly needed them, it made picking up words easier too because I had reasons to know them.

I also started using more audio materials. It wasn’t a significant part of my study, but I remember I’d started using JapaneseAudioLessons.com’s lessons. I did 20 of them during that time period. What was useful, is I was practicing listening (which I later learned in Chinese really helps me specifically remember things better), and I had found a study method I could do when walking or doing other things. I’m very bad at sticking to flashcards or apps, which is why I always burn out on srs flashcard courses after a few weeks to a month. But just listening to files? If I manage to remember to, I don’t get burned out as easy, and its a good way for me to review and do new study regularly when I can’t carve out the time to sit down. Also again - in retrospect I think listening helps me learn a LOT better, which is something I didn’t really realize about myself until studying chinese later. But I think the regular audio exposure of japanese from year 2 - 2.5 helped a lot. Just like when I started japanese, my beginner college class made us listen to dialogues and shadow them constantly - which really helped.

So in retrospect, year 2 to 2.5 I made the quickest progress in japanese because I started prioritizing learning a LOT of words over learning them ‘perfect,’ and I got willing to just challenge myself and actually use the language regularly by trying to read manga and play a video game. I also realized at that time, that japanese was going to need more hours of study on a regular basis if I wanted a faster progress rate.

After 2.5 years, I stopped studying japanese. Because I was going to school full time, working 50 hours a week, and I knew I had no time for it.

During the study gap (2+ years)

I only engaged in japanese a little bit during the break where I no longer actively studied it. Every few months I’d try to read a manga - either one of mine or ones I found in thrift stores. I think I was hoping that like my french, reading once in a while would maintain it. But I knew a lot more french before I went down to not studying and only reading occasionally. So I did lose a lot of japanese.

I stopped remembering some verb endings, although in the middle of reading I could still recall a lot of them in context okay and understand what they meant. I forgot some particles - which again came back ok while I was reading. Word order I somewhat forgot. Hiragana-only words I FORGOT the most. Kanji for the most part I managed to keep remembering, so I suppose reading helped me keep remembering them. I am not sure if this occasional reading helped me review japanese year quicker and get back to progressing from where I left off.

The most noticeable thing was when I started learning Chinese, about 1 year after stopping Japanese. When I started learning chinese, some of the hanzi I learned ended up making manga more comprehensible to me. I remember maybe 6 months into chinese study, japanese manga (especially easy ones like School Rumble, Ranma 1/2, fan comics) had started to get understandable enough that I could sometimes follow chapter main overall ideas without a dictionary. So not the specific details - although sometimes I could pick up a few. But I didn’t need a dictionary to follow the main idea with simple manga anymore. Whereas at 2.5 years into study, I could follow the main overall idea of some simple manga chapters with a dictionary - that was the extent of my reading comprehension. So this was a significant improvement, a milestone I noticed. I know chinese hanzi study was indirectly benefiting my japanese reading skill a little bit.

In retrospect, I think it was giving me more ‘near cognates’ to rely on when reading. Since I didn’t know the new japanese words, but knowing the meaning if it were a hanzi gave me an idea of what to Guess the word might mean in the context of a manga chapter I was reading. Which helped a lot compared to having no information at all to rely on to figure out new words. With french, so much having latin and english similarity gave me a lot more tools when I was trying to figure out new words in context. So I think hanzi knowledge in the same kind of way was giving me more information, more related meanings, to pull from and make guesses. For me, that kind of information helps a lot when I study. its how I learned a lot of words in english - I’d relate them to english words I already knew, that they seemed similar to or written with something in common etc. So I could finally start relying on the same strategies I am more used to using for vocabulary figuring-out in japanese.

Current Japanese Progress (picking it up after a couple years gap)

I started trying to study japanese again I think in March or April 2021 - the exact month’s on this blog somewhere. So that’s 4 months as of now that I’ve studied japanese again. It took about 1 month to review the information I already knew - I just reread the beginning portion of Tae Kim’s grammar guide, and did the old lessons I’d done before in Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks.

At the very start of review, I just reread the intro of Japanese in 30 Hours (which I’ve read before), and listened to the first 15 lessons in japanese pimsleur. This was all audio or romaji so I didn’t confuse it with chinese. And it reminded me of the particles and general basic grammar. This mainly-audio portion of review was easy to just do while I was walking or playing video games.

After that, I went and reviewed old words and specific grammar using Tae Kim and Nukemarine’s memrise decks (which had text).

Then I was doing new stuff.

I had a goal to play a video game within a few months of restarting japanese - I met that goal about a month after reviewing. So May I think? I wrote down the exact month in previous blog posts.

It was easier than during my initial study at 2.5 years. It was still intense and draining though lol. However, I realized I didn’t actually need a dictionary to follow any main ideas. The biggest issue was either taking a long time to read for detail directions (very draining mentally), or trying to speed read for key info so I could get to a save point faster (draining mentally because I have less info and time to comprehend the info I’m reading). Anyway, not needing any dictionary for following the main overall ideas was a HUGE difference from my last japanese comprehension milestone at 2.5 years into study.

I am pretty sure its hanzi recognition that really boosted my reading comprehension in japanese. I know around ~1500-2000 hanzi in chinese right now, and a decent amount more I can comprehend pretty well if they’re in compound hanzi words (so context clues to figure out which word the ‘unknown’ hanzi is making the new compound word) since I read in chinese a lot. So in japanese, many of the most common kanji are similar to hanzi I’ve already learned well, and a lot of the compound kanji words are also pretty easy to guess a meaning for. And when the kanji doesn’t mean the same thing as the hanzi would, the prior context I have for these video games such as setting (and some knowledge of them in english playthroughs) and a similar-hanzi’s usual general meanings, means I can usually guess what the new japanese word might mean. Like japanese uses some kanji for somewhat different meanings than chinese (but a speech radical still means its probably talking related) then I can figure out from the scene how it might be a different speech-related word etc.

This past month, June 2021, I did two more things that boosted my japanese comprehension.

1. I’m playing a video game now that I know the story of really well. So I know the english lines almost by heart for most scenes, so if I don’t know a word in a sentence or don’t know the grammar pattern going on? I have a much better chance of figuring out what it might be. As a result I’m comprehending nearly all the details and words, nearly all the grammar roughly, so there’s very few portions of the game that I’m running into where I don’t have a good guess about every single part of a sentence or at least nearly everything. It’s Kingdom Hearts 2 I’m playing, and I am not surprised lol to realize I played that game So Much growing up I really do know all the lines by heart once I see them. KH2 is the game I initially played 2 years into studying japanese, and could somehow manage to function playing - probably because I know the game so well. So now? Now of course its the first japanese video game where I can follow nearly every part of it in japanese. It’s? A fun experience?? It’s kind of bizarre to me?

This is my favorite game, THE game when I was little that initially made me want to learn japanese. The game I wanted to play in japanese one day and understand and get to see the differences. It is an odd experience to be actually DOING what I wanted to do since I was 11. Over half of my life I’ve wanted to play this game in japanese! ToT I learned to draw people because of this game! It is absolutely surreal to me to be able to DO it. To be doing it.

Anyway back to study reflections ToT

2. Katakana english cognates and near cognates are galore in KH2 which makes navigation and playing easier than it could be, and my hanzi knowledge also helps with a lot more ‘near cognates’ I can recognize now compared to when I played 2 years into study. Reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide and Cure Dolly (and @yue-muffin telling me iru gets used like ‘ing’ in verbs like ‘doing’ versus to do) also have made the grammar somewhat easier to parse.

2. Clozemaster has ultimately been helping a lot. Clozemaster is definitely a contributing factor to having made KH2 easier to play for DETAIL understanding. I’ve been reading manga lately - which helped me practice parsing grammar in real life versus in textbooks a bit. Grammar and formality in manga like Yotsuba is informal and has these like slang-mood endings to sentences that I never see in grammar books I’ve read or in Nukemarine’s memrise decks (because they’re made from learner materials). But manga is easy to figure out context now, so I was getting used to grammar used in Reality.

Clozemaster is actually really good for practicing this too - and like with french or chinese, I think an upper beginner will be able to use it much better than a beginner. It changes formality, it changes how much slang is in a sentence or how polite, at random. Not all the translations are literal. You need a basic comprehension already to use clozemaster sentences somewhat. I did 632 sentences in clozemaster this past week. That was a LOT of practice with actual words regularly used in sentences, in dialogue, in various levels of formality and with words being hiragana or kanji depending on the specific sentence. So when I started KH2 again? Now a lot of endings that seem to convey moods, and words that I struggled with (like ‘a lot’ ‘always’ ‘because of’ ‘from’ ‘until’ ‘but’ ‘kedo’ ‘dakadesu’ ‘dakada’ etc) I am more used to following what they mean in a sentence. I’ve just seen a LOT of examples of them. Clozemaster also highlights verb endings sort of like their own ‘helper verb’ and while I don’t know if its actually grammatically true, it helps conceptualize stuff like verb tenses for me a lot easier. So now I am having an easier time recognizing them attached to verb stems, and recognizing the point the conjugation is getting across.

The main thing though is its just a lot of very focused practice on recognizing words and grammar in the context of regular sentences instead of learner material. Learner material tends to show one aspect at a time, not mix lots of things together since its giving examples, etc. Clozemaster does mix up the examples a lot - but while still generally having an easier ‘difficulty curve’ than an actual web novel or visual novel etc. Clozemaster will have a lot going on in a sentence but it will all be very common basic stuff where at most half is new stuff, and eventually only 1 is a new thing. Whereas if I just dived into regular materials it could be a bunch of “I know very little” sentences. Manga is good practice for this too - its just you see less text per minute in manga. In Clozemaster you see a lot of text and its generally at my reading level so it feels ‘graded’ but less learner-material perfected, which in this case makes it good for getting used to the variety. I think overall THAT is how Clozemaster is helping right now. Its also helping because of common words - but a lot of what I’ve seen so far has been review too, so I think its the exposure to different sentences and odd things in them that’s been most helpful in translating to making video games feel a bit easier.

I’ve been doing the “most common” word tracks in Clozemaster’s japanese lessons, and I think they’re more useful to me immediately than the JLPT track. The fast track is kind of useful, but it doesn’t expose me to as many sentences to really drill aspects. I took someone’s advice and have been doing listening mode, so I listen then listen a few times and identify words THEN read it and answer the cloze. They also said to do the full ‘most common words’ tracks, and so far that advice has been good. The JLPT track is good too - and matches up more with words I had to learn in my other lessons and textbooks, combined with more complex sentences with more stuff going on in them at once than some learner materials. But since I’m trying to study to understand japanese games, not take the JLPT, I think right now that track less useful to me. In the Common Words track I immediately learned a lot of ‘filler’ words that imply meanings and are important but weren’t in my textbooks, even though I hear them constantly when watching things or playing games. So because of that, right now I’m sticking to the common words track.

Summary: using kingdom hearts 2 is a good immersion material right now since I know the context well, it feels almost ‘graded’ for me since I can comprehend it much easier than other things I know less well (like Crisis Core which I love but requires much more focus and is more mentally draining since I have to re-figure out the initial context of scenes before i can focus on what the specific words mean). And using audio materials, clozemaster, has helped. Also just... I was wondering why lately handling japanese stuff has been easier (compared to previously for me) and I think a huge part of it is that for me hanzi knowledge really helped give me more near-cognates from kanji i can rely on now. Which makes japanese seem much less opaque as far as me trying to use context clues to understand things and learn new words. And since I prefer to learn by DOING, its valuable to me that now I have enough surrounding context and context-hints from kanji to start learning by guessing words in context a bit more. Also, in KH2′s case a huge benefit is the large amount of katakana words that I know what they’re meant to be in english, which are pretty much cognates, and both recognizing kanji a bit and also knowing the rough-english they Should be corresponding to (if its different than the chinese hanzi meaning).

I’m going to keep playing KH2 lets see if its the first Game I can finish in Japanese (which it may well be lol). Also I just... genuinely think that for myself, among the other things I learned about How I personally learn through the years of trying to learn this, I think for me learning some chinese first really helped.

I know books I used to have used to encourage me to learn kanji first, but that always just ended up holding me back from studying more because I just could Not handle a kanji with no sound attached solidly in my mind. And then when I did brute force just study words anyway, it helped, but I still had a much fuzzier way of handling and relating to kanji. And in general just was learning them from nothing as a prior basis.

With chinese, just one sound matched to most hanzi really like clicks with how I remember? And when there are pronunciation changes in my brain it just clicks a lot more like how english word-parts change pronunciation depending on the word - it makes a kind of pattern sense to me I guess? And the logic of sound+meaning for most hanzi formations means I finally get why certain radicals are in things - because it got simplified, or used to hint at sound, since they don’t All have all radicals relating to meaning only. Whereas when I studied kanji prior all the books would try to get me to associate all the radicals with meaning (but sometimes if a radical in hanzi come from a sound they don’t have to do with the meaning). And I guess it was just so much harder for me to stick the information solidly in my brain.

Now? Now I’m finding putting kanji pronunciations to different words is making a bit more sense to me. Like I already have a base to attach it to, so its less hard to add “this extra pronunciation for japanese word X” rather than just “this ONE pronunciation for this BRAND NEW kanji+hiragana word!” Because attaching an extra pronunciation to something I Already know? Is not too hard - I did it in english word-parts for my whole life, I did it with hanzi occasionally in chinese. So now attaching sounds to kanji feels more like something I’m used to doing and know how to do - instead of learning lots of new stuff with no idea how to mash it together and remember it.

Also now the ‘chinese like’ pronunciations for some words stick out to me much clearer in japanese, since I can tell when the pronunciation is similar to a hanzi in chinese versus not. Which makes those words much easier to remember, those pronunciations easier to remember, and it much easier for my brain to distinguish between ‘when to use this pronunciation versus another for this kanji.’ Also just grammar of course, knowing how the pronunciation changes in different forms also helps make it easier to think ‘ok this might be why the kanji sound changed when this verb is in a new conjugation.’

I just. If I would have told myself over 2 years ago that 1. I’d even learn some chinese, and 2. it would help my japanese this much (to a noticeable amount) I would have been really ???

Another thing I think helped is a Decent Solid sound base in chinese - I generally have a sound associated to all hanzi already that I know so I do not ‘confuse’ them with japanese words. Which would definitely happen if my listening wasn’t as solid. I worked on chinese listening a lot the past few months and it helped a LOT with keeping the languages as very distinctly different so I don’t mix up kanji/hanzi (also the fact kanji don’t have tones the same way helps me separate the sound when I hear so I don’t mix up what I’m listening to, which if me listening wasn’t as practiced I think mixing up would happen more - tones really help me clearly keep my brain from even thinking I’m hearing chinese when I see a kanji and hear pronunciation).

#rant #june #june progress #july #july progress #i'll make a proper finished post later. this is a draft #so i can look at it if im curious later

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snifflyjoonie · 4 years

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I Think You’re My Soulmate Pt. 2

a/n: Hi guys!! So I know I said I’d be posted parts of this in-between fics, but the Jimin fic is taking me longer than I thought (is anyone surprised at this point lol) so I thought I’d drop part two of this in the meantime.

I’m so excited you guys liked the intro to this!! Your comments were all so sweet and made me smile. I hope you all enjoy this next part as well! Who do you think our protagonist runs into first? lol

Enjoy!~

Namjoon arrived at his new University the next morning feeling extremely worse for wear. His cold had come on fast, leaving him in a bit of a daze and sporting a runny nose. He wanted nothing more than to still be asleep in bed, but with today being his first day back, he knew that wasn’t an option. He had rolled out of bed with a groaning protest, showered, and searched his closet for something warm and comfortable; ultimately deciding on an oversized black sweatshirt, a black face mask in an attempt to keep his cold to himself, and a black beanie. Not his usual choice for a back to school outfit, but since he didn’t really have anyone to impress and because he felt so ill, he didn’t really care.

The man hovered outside of his new school in the crisp winter air, a to-go coffee gripped tightly in one hand. He took a moment to stare up at the large building with slight uncertainty. It was still fairly early, 8am — He wouldn’t have his first class until 9am — but being a new student, and one who had missed the first semester, he had plenty of paperwork to fill out. He blew out a breath, feeling his face mask warm with the exhale before heading to the doors. It was now or never.

The first steps into the main entrance hall made his stomach flip. There were a lot more people present than he had anticipated. For a brief second it reminded him of his first day at school overseas. The same bubbling uncertainty filled his gut and he felt his palms go sweaty. At least this time he’d be able to communicate in his native language. This thought alone helped calm his nerves as he leaned against a nearby wall to finish his coffee.

Namjoon scanned the area as he pulled his mask to his chin, watching students walk by. He caught eyes briefly with a brown-haired young man, probably no older than 20, as he hugged his parents goodbye. Namjoon felt himself smile a little, the fact that the boy’s parents were dropping him off was sweet, and it probably meant it was this boy’s first day, too. He silently hoped the mystery young man would have an easy first day.

Namjoon took the last sip of his coffee before tossing the paper cup into a nearby trash can. The warm drink had done wonders to vanquish the chill he’d caught from outside but the steam had also started to make his nose run. He sniffed hard and scrubbed at his nose for a moment before clicking on his phone to check the time, seeing 8:26am flash back at him. With a sigh, he peeled himself off of the wall he had been slouched against and began to drag himself to student services across the hall.

A small line had started to form behind the help desk and Namjoon filed in obediently. The first thing he needed would be his student ID and a map of the University. He had a vague idea of where his first class was located, he had come to orientation a week prior, but a little confirmation never hurt anyone. The line moved rather quickly and before long Namjoon reached the front. He answered the necessary questions politely and signed where they requested before he was swiftly moved to the photo area. He sat in front of the photographer and gave a tight lipped smile before again being hurried along to card pick-up. The whole process surprisingly took all of ten minutes.

With his newly owned student ID card in hand Namjoon made his way out of the entrance hall, pausing only a moment as he felt his breath begin to hitch before the feeling quickly faded. He shook his head in annoyance and sniffed before heading in the direction of his first class, unaware that the young man from earlier had been hitching along with him in perfect harmony.

Finding his physics lecture hall had been easy, thanks to orientation and his new map. He arrived a bit early, expecting to find the hall empty. Instead however when he pushed open the heavy wooden doors he was slightly shocked to find the classroom half-full. The hall itself was bigger than he anticipated; the seats went at least eight rows back on an upward slope and curved in a semi-circle around the front. He hesitated for just a moment before deciding on a spot at the very back of the classroom towards the left-hand side, closest to the door. The closer to the door he stayed the better chance he had of avoiding the after-class traffic. He had picked up on this quickly from his three years in school abroad.

He made his way up to the desk slowly, the muddy snow that still clung beneath his shoes sloshed along as he stepped. The class began to fill up quickly as he got himself situated and before long there wasn’t a single free seat available, much to Namjoon’s surprise. He didn’t expect to see this many students signed up for physics. He allowed himself a moment to look around and take in the crowd before the professor strolled in.

The man looked on the younger side, probably mid thirties, and wore a well tailored tweed suit. He took a brief moment to introduce himself and the class before jumping immediately into the lesson plan. A few students quietly stood up and made their way to the door, clearly having mistaken this class for another, but other than those few students the class remained full.

The professor had a very confident demeanor, easily commanding the attention of the whole room. Not a single soul seemed to be whispering, and Namjoon assumed they would’ve been able to hear a pin drop amongst the sounds of scribbling pencils and the clacking of keyboards.

He sat quietly taking notes, doing his best to stay awake and pay attention, his eyelids getting heavier with each blink. His coffee from earlier, albeit good, wasn’t doing the best job of waking him up like he had hoped. He was typically a very attentive student, but with the lack of sleep he’d gotten the night prior and the new pounding headache starting to form behind his eyes, focusing just didn’t seem possible.

Namjoon blew out a breath in frustration and sniffled slightly, his nose wrinkling up under his face mask as he felt it began to itch. When he was younger, an itchy nose would always make his stomach flip. The anticipation was almost overwhelming. He used to scan the room for girls he hoped would join along with him, and he’d do almost anything he could to turn an itchy nose into a full blown sneezing fit. He remembered crossing his fingers and toes for good luck, even going as far as trying to keep his eyes open so he could see his soulmate right when it happened. But now that he was older sneezing didn’t phase him, and without thinking twice, he pitched forward in his seat with a small squeak of a sneeze he tried to pinch off as to not interrupt the professor.

Right at the same moment, a booming sneeze echoed through the lecture hall from across the room. Namjoon immediately felt all colour leave his face. He snapped his head up, now fully awake, and followed the gaze of the other students who were equally as surprised as he was, but not for the same reason. It seemed no one else had noticed that Namjoon had sneezed himself simply due to the sheer volume of the other’s.

Typically when others noticed two people sneezing at the same time, the room would fall silent and the quiet, excited murmurs would begin. Namjoon used to wish for that moment; a moment where every one of his peers could see him and his soulmate lock eyes with each other for the first time. But now, it was the exact opposite of what he wanted as his horrified gaze fell upon the culprit: a tan-skinned, black-haired young man.

The young man chuckled sheepishly and bowed his head as the professor jokingly thanked him for waking up any students that may have dozed off. There was a short moment of shared laughter amongst the students as Namjoon felt his cheeks flush red. He had just sneezed in perfect harmony with someone for the first time in his life, and it had been a man. Surely this must have just been a coincidence — Some kind of mistake. He shook his head slightly and squinted hard, trying to see if the boy was maybe someone he knew. An old friend from grade school? A café worker he’d crossed paths with? But alas, nothing. Namjoon had never seen him before in his life.

Clearly this was a mistake, he thought. It had to be. He felt his heart skip a beat but quickly tried to shake the feeling. He’d been dreaming of this moment for years, but this was all wrong. There was absolutely no way.

“When the universe gives you a sign, you listen.”

His father’s words echoed in his brain.

Suddenly, Namjoon felt as if he might throw up. He wanted to be as far away from this man as possible, a deep resentment-like feeling starting to form inside of him. Who was this man, anyway? Why would he take this moment, a moment he had yearned for since he was small, and mock him with it? This was all just a sick joke.

Namjoon hastily began to pack his things, shoving them as fast as he could into his bookbag. He just needed to get out of there. He stood up fast and began to make his way down the row of desks. He could feel the eyes of his peers follow him down the steps, but he didn’t care. The professor’s voice faltered slightly as Namjoon approached the front of the room, but he just muttered something about being in the wrong class and swiftly turned towards the door. He paused in the doorway for only a moment as a sneeze snuck up on him before he quickly exited, trying with all his might to ignore the thunderous sneeze that echoed behind him as the heavy doors swung closed.

“It’s just the way it works, my son.”

#the soulmate au #the first two parts have been on the shorter side I'm soooooooorry #but anyway thank you guys for being so sweet and receptive to this passion project!!#i was a little nervous not going to lie lol #anyway i hope to have the jimin request done soon! It's going to be on the longer side which i'm excited about (and didn't expect!)#but I'm having a lot of fun with it #so I hope you'll enjoy it when it's out #bts sickfic #mine #bts au

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heizerux · 5 years

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Timetagger

This time around, in this newest episode we finally have TIMETAGGER (an episode I’ve been looking forward to for reasons)

My initial thoughts/theories for this episode was that this was an episode with future LB and CN potential. . . and well :)

LETS GET RIGHT INTO IT!

We start off with CONFIRMATION that the twins and Chris/Noel are indeed friends that hang out and play a lot. They’re The Three Musketeers you cant change my mind.

Then there’s #MarinetteforRapGod2019 . I stan.

Slim Shady better watch out

The fun gets cut short, of course, because of Mr. Pigeon, who keeps getting akumatized because he’s so attached to his pigeons. . . Pretty frequently it seems. Ladybug and Chat Noir can take out his akuma with their eyes closed. It’s nothing new. They even have an ice cream with him and have a one on one two? talk. Things were going so well and easily until. . . enter Timetagger.

This was “unforeseeable”.

Now let’s talk about this setup and why it matters (to me at least):

I know SW2 was meant to set up a halfway point to the show and demonstrate how things will change from then on. . . But I wanna talk about how this very episode executed what SW2 should have, and did a much better job in. In this episode we’re shown a villain from S1 who is now considered as “threat-less” when he once was a big threat. Even the people instead of getting to safety now stand close by as an audience. It’s far too easy now. Then suddenly enter a much more powerful villain from the future, and now they’re suddenly in for the big fight.

I just have to say that I thought that THIS was a good way to show that things will change (not a clipshow). You contrast a an old villain to a future one, which only seem to be getting more powerful overtime. Anyway that’s enough on that, moving on.

After the duo evades Timetagger and recharges, they run into Alix, and then marks the tying of some lose ends we had since Timebreaker (love the theme she has going with time btw. It’s a nice touch.) We learn:

The Rabbit Miraculous grants Time Jump powers. (I’m shook, like I really like it!)

The mysterious family heirloom wasn’t a useless high tech watch for its time, but a Miraculous in camouflage.

Alix doesn’t just get to be a holder, she’s been a holder the entire time. Right under our noses!!!

Bunnix most likely gave it to an ancestor to be passed down for generations as back up.

Seeing as the Rabbit Miraculous powers deals with time, it was a smart backup to do in the event her Miraculous was ever damaged.

Bunnix probably got herself trapped in the stone when her miraculous got damaged, Timetagger sent her back, and upon reaching the past she got frozen in time under a stone.

Alix is too awesome and “Minibug” hasn’t noticed yet. FACTS.

CONFIRMED ML LORE: The Miraculous can be placed in a camouflage mode.

Future Alix couldn’t give Chat Noir an answer on if they ever get together because to her they’re all over the place at all times. What I do gather from her answer, is that they’re so focused on hero work as heroes in the future that they most likely mastered keeping their civilian lives a separate secret.

On to facing Timetagger outside, Bunnix goes at it while using her powers for a lengthy time. Chat makes note of it only to be answered with “No, because she’s an adult.”

CONFIRMED ML LORE: Adult Holders don’t seem to require to recharge so soon after using their powers. Or maybe even don’t need to recharge?!?

(In other words it explains Hawkmoth being able to stay transformed.)

The fight continues but “Kitten Noir” gets impatient. He uses Cataclysm and almost destroys her miraculous a second time. Immature move, Kitty.

Lucky for us, Bunnix already saw it coming, and now we know how she got herself in the stone in the first place. Take this as a lesson, Kitty.

She managed to warp Timetagger back and things looked promising. . . Until her memory reminded her of a key point in time right before she “failed”. So Timetagger comes back and now our heroes are in an actual twist. . . Except Ladybug had an idea she knew would work in “the future”.

The Future:

Ladybug makes a false story that she’s sending an apology message to the future for failing and sends Bunnix back with a message. . . To an older Ladybug and Chat Noir who were already expecting it.

A plan from the past.

Side commentary: Adult Chat Noir? Nah. That’s BEEFCAKE NOIR for sure. Our boy probably picked up some workouts for photo shoots given that he’s still probably a model (or at least a celebrity of some kind.) Either way, he looks well. Ladybug also physically looks well. What doesn’t is that same basic costume, but you know, as this episode has said “the future isn’t set in stone.” I’ll just look past it for now. (They probably did that to clearly imply that it very much IS them as adults, any slight difference could only lead to thoughts that it’s different people, apparently lol.)

Back to our present day, Hawkmoth is finally living in the moment that he’ll get his wish in the future, only to be bursted with:

“There’s a Hawkmoth in my future. . But it isn’t you.”

(Mmmm, tea. Didn’t I say it would be interesting if Nathalie betrayed Gabriel and became the ultimate bad guy in the future to come on the last ML post I made? This cruelty tea is delicious btw.)

Hawkmoth is now the big sad to learn he won’t be in power for long.

Timetagger is close to getting the miraculous, but then the future duo steps in and helps out in disarming him. Victory once again from the past to the future.

Then we learn that the akuma was Chris/Noel the entire time, and has picked up rapping?? (My personal headcanon is that: Nino grew up to become a profesional DJ/music producer and his little brother helps him by providing any lyrics or vocals. It’s a cute idea, okay?) Anyways Bunnix is returned to her time and Paris is saved once again.

Meanwhile we catch up on Gabriel “the big sad” Agreste commenting how he’s not in power in the future and that he’s a failure now if only he recognizes that as a father. But then Nathalie comforts him that it’s probably not a failure. . . But perhaps a sign of victory. . .

(Nathalie, I’m on to you. I’m past “just thoughts” and am now full on theories with you)

Now on to concluding the episode, Mr. Remier is akumatized upset yet again and Marinette can’t babysit The Three Musketeers, instead Lila can.

Side note: If Lila wasn’t such a snake, she could actually be decent at story telling with kids and maybe even looking after them. Huh. Who knew.

Ladybug and Chat Noir have some more encouragement time with poor pigeon man and recommend he finds a new animal to look after. Pigeons just aren’t cutting it for him. After leaving they go over the wild villains they’ll face. . . Like Mr. Rat?

Who is that?!? Such a crazy name.

I wonder how that akuma’s origins even started. . .

Lol.

And that’s that.

Conclusion: This episode gave us Alix with a miraculous as well as explanation to her badass family heirloom, minor cameos of future Ladybug and Chat Noir, and overall some kind of progression. This is an episode I was looking forward to, and I’m glad it wasn’t handled as filler.

I give it a 9 out of 10 butterflies. Not bad.

#timetagger #ml season 3 #ml spoilers #ml thoughts #ml review #ml analysis #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #miraculous ladybug #ml #ml meta #alix kubdel #bunnix #ladybug #chat noir #no ml salt

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paperclipninja · 4 years

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Lucifer post-ep ramble 5x01

Hi there, long time fangirl, first time Lucifan. After devouring all 4.5 seasons of this magnificent show in an impressive/alarming (all a matter of perspective) amount of time, I have very quickly found myself well and truly obsessed dedicated to all things Lucifer. And when a show grabs me like this one has, I tend to have a lot of thoughts and feelings that I can’t help but share, and so the post-ep ramble was born. It will probably contain many words, it may or may not be particularly coherent, there will definitely be over-analysing, but I thought I might indulge in re-capping the season 5 eps as I re-watch, so this is the first ramble off the rank.

‘Really Sad Devil Guy’ (A+ ep name btw) kicks off as we’re still scrambling to pick up all our heart pieces after the season 4 finale, which is why Mr. Said Out Bitch (aka Lee Garner) being in Hell is such a cracker of an opening. Lucifer just waiting below deck on Fishizzle II (wth happened to Fishizzle I??) to greet him with his trademark ‘hello’ made me disproportionately happy, mostly because he was on my screen but also because his encounters with Mr. SOB are always great and this was no exception. Getting an insight into ‘life in Hell’, the way the characters in the Hell loops are played by Demons and Lucifer in action as the King was fab at this point in the series. And does anyone else have a visceral reaction to Lucifer stopping that bullet? I know it’s brief, I cannot explain it, it might be the command he has, the fact it’s awesome, but it makes me FEEL things. Just me? Cool.

I think what really strikes me in the way Lucifer just has to pop in on Mr. SOB upon hearing of his arrival, is the fact that he is a link to Lucifer’s life on Earth. They’ve existed in the same places there, breathed the same air, it’s a way for Lucifer to make that connection to his home more tangible. And when he realises where Mr. SOB’s hell loop has them moored, at Marina Del Ray, the way Lucifer says 'Los Angeles' with such yearning makes those heart pieces I had started cobbling back together really begin to ache. What this episode pulls off so brilliantly is the way Chloe and Lucifer remain connected despite being apart, and it’s all set up when Lucifer tells Mr. SOB, ‘You know, there's a good chance I know who's on your case. To them it's only been a few months, a blink of an eye, but here it's been much much longer’.

What’s happening ‘below deck’ in Hell (sorry...or am I?) is of course mirrored at the crime scene, where Maze is still calling Ella Ellen (never change Maze ILY) and Ella is banging on about Lucifer not responding to her DM’s and texts and it’s all so on brand and the thought of her sending Lucifer a clip of a parrot dancing to techno and him finding it funny is just too perf. Maze having Chloe’s back from the get-go and telling Ella to ‘read the room’ just shows how far this Demon has come. And of course Chloe saying that she hasn’t even really thought about Lucifer since he left...(spoiler alert: she has).

Seeing Maze and Chloe out drinking and dancing, somehow they're kinda dorky together and I love it, but it’s also really clear that they’re both leaning on each other pretty heavily and being there for one another and honestly, I love literally every combination of characters on Lucifer, you put any two together and the dynamic is 100% their own and these two are up there. It’s so weird seeing Amandiel running Lux, I big L LOVE Amenadiel but it’s just...wrong. Plus hats off to D.B. because his delivery of ‘No one sells drugs in my place...without me getting a piece of the action’, not gonna lie, I was THROWN.

So are we assuming that the number of months Lucifer has been gone = the number of times Chloe has rocked up to work with a hangover? Lol at the sunglasses but also, you do you Chloe, whatever you gotta do babe. Just like Amenadiel running Lux is like watching a slightly off AU version of the show, so is seeing Maze and Chloe as partners at work. Don’t get me wrong, Maze clearly supporting her and when they’re interrogating a lead, seeing Chloe and Maze have such a groove that they’re finishing each other's sentences and communicating without talking, I dig it. But I love that while it’s great, it still doesn’t feel right. Because that there is why this show is so clever, as an audience we crave the return to the way things were just as the characters we are watching do.

Linda being a completely OTT mum is so fab. I could write an entire essay about my Linda love. Her adamance that ‘Charlie’s special’ and Ella’s ‘every child is special in their mum’s eyes, huh?’ sums it up perfectly. Did I mention I adore Ella? I definitely get the distinct impression Ella is doing a bit of self-reflection, her comment about being drawn to the bad boys for some reason clearly foreshadowing, but also her reflecting that she deserves a good guy for once (just not this ep when there is a bad boy/potential suspect to be hooked up with). I am curious to see the ‘darkness’ Ella has alluded to in earlier seasons being explored further and feel like this is sowing the seeds and I’m also waiting for a significant Linda/Ella D&M at some point. But clearly not this point, because 'science lesson Wednesdays...I checked your schedule and that's your day off' Linda is NOT about deep and meaningfuls (or anyone who isn’t a 2 month old baby), you need to DIAL IT DOWN friend. I love that it takes Trixie pulling some funny faces and Dan offering some sage parenting advice as he returns the self-help books (love the irony there) for Linda to begin to chill a bit.

So Dan has gone all new age with his oils and self improvement and you know what? I love it. And then of course we have Amenadiel needing to help make the world a safer place, he just needs to make sure for Charlie ya know and ugh my ovaries. I must say, I was relieved to realise that the club life had not in fact corrupted the delightful warrior we all love after all - it’s all a ploy to catch a REAL BIG TIME drug dealer (nooooo I can feel the second hand embarrassment already...)! Amenadiel setting up the ‘drug bust’, telling the dealer, ‘looks like gooood drugs’, oh you dear sweet naïve Angel you. We of course discover that the bust is, well, a bust, because the ‘drug lord’ is actually a kid trying to offload his mum’s pain meds *insert facepalm emoii here*. But rather than ridicule or be angry, Dan is so understanding and supportive of Amenadiel and once again offers up advice and I really am so into this friendship on every level and the care and openness it models.

Meanwhile, the genius parallel between what is happening on Earth and in Hell really takes effect as Chloe and Maze go undercover (I mean, they are a glam couple lbh) to the poker game while Lucifer is at a game hosted by the same suspect in Mr. SOB’s ‘exquisite’ Hell loop. His exclamation that it’s exquisite reflects that Lucifer and Mr. SOB are not that different, that it’s the kind of place Lucifer might manifest as well, but I also feel that Lucifer could be admiring his own Kingdom’s handiwork at creating LA with such accuracy from someone’s subconscious. He allows himself to be absorbed in it, ‘City of Angels, I’ve missed you’, and I can’t help but get the impression that hearing Lucifer call LA this for the first time is confirmation that his Heaven, or place of Angels, is in fact there with Chloe.

Chloe remains firmly in the forefront of Lucifer’s mind this entire episode, with him asking ‘what would she do?’ and wanting to replicate the life he had with her at the precinct. But of course he is soon reminded of his reality, as he tries to get more information from Mr. SOB who is being useless. Lucifer incorrectly calling him ’Detective’ shatters the illusion that he is any closer to Chloe, and this is impressively emphasised as he erases the LA cityscape to reveal the Hellscape. For a moment he’d let himself believe he was back there. Back home. His, ‘you’re not her’ making some of my heart pieces fall out once again.

But then the messenger arrives, ‘Lord Morningstar, there’s someone you should meet’ and lo and behold it’s guy who just got hit by car up on the Earth-side of this investigation and I.am. loving. it. Also, did Lucifer put out a Hell-wide memo that if ANYONE arrives from LA they are to be bought to him so he can send messages to Chloe through their bodies??? NO REALLY I'M FINE. Having a Demon possess the dead dude’s body to pass on the tip from Lucifer was just TOO MUCH. His, ‘hey is that Mazikeen?’ made me actually lol but also, look how far we’ve come! Chloe doesn’t even flinch when the dead guy wakes up possessed to pass on Lucifer’s message. I’m so proud.

'It's safe where you stored it' caused me way more amusement than was perhaps intended, but Ella, Maze and Chloe together, trying to figure out what it meant, it's such a great moment and the comedic timing is gold. Also, the fact it actually helps the case, ugh, Chloe and Lucifer are still connected and working together even though they are not on the same plane of existence and I’m just going to need to curl up for a minute because feelings.

You know who else is having a lot of feelings in this ep? The Devil himself. After he is satisfied he has passed on the message, he’s done with Mr. SOB, sending him, ‘back to your torture. And me to mine’. Any remnants of my heart are now once again shattered all over the floor in case you’re wondering. Lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the fact that being away from Chloe is so painful, almost revealing more than he ever usually would when Mr. SOB asks if she’s ‘somebody important?' to which he replies, 'more than you could ever know'.

He only just stops himself before telling Mr. SOB her name, when he realises he's trying to manipulate him. And I'm so glad, Lucifer so sparingly uses Chloe’s name, it's always significant when he does and I feel like he reserves those moments for only between them. But Mr. SOB really does sum it up when he observes, ‘you just seem like a really sad Devil guy’, BECAUSE HE IS A REALLY SAD DEVIL GUY (can we just take a moment to appreciate how not at all scared of Lucifer Mr. SOB is, he doesn’t even refer to him as THE Devil, just ‘Devil guy’. It’s kind of nice that he sees and accepts him as both Devil and human without really questioning it).

The parallel continues as Chloe and Lucifer are talking to a sister and brother and the way this highlights the place they're both in. It's just brilliant writing and execution. Chloe is talking to Meg about her brother’s death and both her and Lucifer's yearning for one another is palpable. At the same time, Maze telling Chloe that they don’t need Lucifer and kissing Chloe highlights Maze’s desire for connection and love. She wants it so badly and the way she shuts down when Chloe suggests they stop working together breaks my heart.

When Lucifer takes Mr. SOB to the root of his Hell loop, yes, it’s about Lucifer projecting his own guilt and lack of self worth onto him, but his assertion that, 'it is inevitable sooner or later you're going to disappoint them all over again. So you'd rather stay away for all eternity’, really feels as though it carries multiple meanings. As a self-referential comment, is Lucifer talking about Heaven or Earth? Is it his fear of disappointing and letting down Chloe and the other humans or is it his belief that he disappointed his family? And if Angels self-actualise does that mean he was never 'stuck' in Hell at all and could have returned to Heaven? I certainly feel there is some sort of realisation occurring here. Or could be completely over-analysing it. Why not have both 🤷‍♀️

You know the line that just up and got me though? ‘Whose hell is this anyway? Are you sure this is my hell? You just here torturing yourself’- Mr. SOB calling Lucifer out is A MOMENT. And I can’t help but wonder if a part of it is Lucifer wanting Mr. SOB to come to terms with his own guilt, wanting to help him because he knows he’s not evil and he is trying to reconcile his own guilt too. If he can help Mr. SOB face and let go of the guilt then he has a chance of it too. And that’s when Mr. SOB challenges Lucifer, pointing out that he missed his chance, ‘but what about you?’ 'The self-centred simplicity of you humans never ceases to amaze me...I am here out of responsibility, I had to protect humanity, I had to protect HER', the delivery of this line, the frustration of being misunderstood, of ppl thinking that he acts for himself when his very reason for being back in Hell is for others, I can feel it through the screen.

The dead guy we saw get shot in the kitchen appearing at that moment with news about ‘the Detective’ and then cutting straight back to the shoot up in the house, file under: how to brilliantly edit. “Lucifer” appearing; the whistle, the casually strolling in, the ‘hello bad guys’ = I was FOOLED. I mean you have to admit, the ‘thought I'd give you a hand' pun was well played, classic Lucifer, very convincing. My shipper heart was SO FULL for the split second Lucifer and the Detective kissed, until Chloe realised that something was off and her open eyes told us something was up. The cut back to Hell and seeing Lucifer still standing there with Mr. SOB...you may have heard my ‘noooooooo’ from wherever you are. ‘She’ll be just fine without me’...said every Devil who has a dick twin brother who’s going to try and destroy, nay STEAL, his life and love of his life ever.

Michael, you're an evil bastard but damn you nailed that villainous smirk over-the-shoulder pose in the final shot. Whatever you have in store, I will no doubt revel in your awfulness and be confused about whether or not I hate you.

#lucifer #lucifans #lucifer 5x01 #ramble #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #ella lopez #dan espinoza #amenadiel #deckerstar #recap

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thatanonwiththeoc · 4 years

Text

The Taste Of Coffee Ch. 1

A Lukagami fic. Read on AO3

I guess I’m cross posting on tumblr now lol

Part 2

Of all the places the universe could’ve landed her, it turned out to be here.

Staring her right in the face.

Kagami instantly recognized the boat in front of her. It was the Couffaine’s residence that she’d visited a few times before with Adrien, ever the same familiar clashing colors bearing into the eyes, screaming as loud as the music it played. Kagami sometimes wondered how they only got in trouble with the police once out of the many times they’d been playing on the deck. She could absolutely testify to how the music they played shook even her own inner being.

But anyways, that was irrelevant to the reason she was here in the first place.

After telling her closest (girl) friend that she’d taken an interest into playing guitar, Marinette brightened and almost instantly scratched down an address into her sketchbook. It was a wonder to Kagami how the paper still held intact by the violent way she ripped it out. Still, she’d be lying if the way Marinette winked at her didn’t send a sneaky suspicion through her.

‘This person’s a great teacher.’ Marinette beamed. A little too friendly and innocent even for Marinette, but she just chalked it up to not having much experience in the ‘friends’ department, ‘Plus, they’re pretty cute too if you’re into that.’

Kagami made sure to give her a good whack in the arm for that last comment.

A deep sigh escaped her lips as she realized who would probably be teaching her. “Of course that’s what she meant by ‘cute’.” She said to herself.

However, she wasn’t one to be defeated by a little shyness. Or even the godforsaken emotion of hesitance. She asked for guitar lessons, and she was going to get it. No matter how painfully awkward it would’ve been if it was coming from her sort-of-ex’s new girlfriend’s old sort-of-ex. Kagami was on a mission, and she was determined to complete it.

Kagami knocked on the door. Three times, as she was taught to do since she was little.

It was a sort of bitter reminder of what her and Adrien was. Of course she was happy for Adrien and Marinette, she loved them both in her own unique way. But the sting of seeing him happy with someone else that wasn’t her still didn’t sit well with her even weeks after their relationship began.

Okay, it hurt a lot, but she’d be damned before she let either of them know that.

They deserved that much happiness, and Kagami wouldn’t dare intrude on that.

Her mother’s voice rang in her ears.

‘Second place is never a spot for us.’

Kagami shook her head, trying to forget about her mother for once. It definitely wasn’t what she needed to hear right about now.

Thankfully, reality came back to her when the door gave way to a familiar, friendly face.

“Hello.” Kagami greeted. She mentally ran through her to-do list on Social Interaction 101.

Luka shot her an easy-going smile that showed his teeth. Kagami had to admit, she was in a way, envious of how easy he held himself around others. Should she smile back? “Kagami! Come in, please.”

Discarding her previous thoughts, she instead decided to simply bow her head and avoid words altogether. Actions worked better for her than words anyway, they always came out more clipped and harsher than she intended it too.

As was expected from his proposal, she made her way inside to the common area of the ship-house. In her mind, a thousand different questions roared about how she should walk, how she should handle herself, when would be a good time to speak up or let him lead the conversation. It was a wonder how she even made it to the sofa in one piece. Kagami sat upright with perfect posture. It was probably the right thing to do, wasn’t it? Keep the legs together, and the hands on the lap. Perfect. She was going to make the most of this new path and relish in the glory of talking to people like a winner.

Luka leaned over the counter from across the room, as calm and hospitable as ever. “So, what brings you here onto my humble ship?”

Right, of course. Point of contact. Classic social connection basics.

“I’ve heard you teach guitar lessons.” Kagami stated, more than asked. “I was hoping that you’d teach me how to play.”

Luka chuckled lowly. “Funny you say that, actually.” He stretched his arms over his head. “Marinette convinced me to start teaching yesterday, as it would turn out. Consider it fate.”

Kagami coughed.

So Marinette put him up to his, huh?

She shook her head. What was her quirky friend up to?

“Everything okay?” Luka asked, and Kagami had to resist the urge to lose her composure right then and there. If not for her sake, then for the boy in front of her from across the room who was looking at her with a bit of worry in his eyes. Kagami held up a hand in front of her, straight up towards the ceiling. Ordered and proper, like she always knew herself to be.

“It’s fine.” She said. A little more dismissive than she meant it to be. “It’s just a coincidence, is all.” A really funny coincidence. In the broadest definition of the word.

“Alright then.” Luka turned around and opened a cupboard behind him, bringing Kagami back to attention. The wood squeaked a high note as he did so. “Do ya want some coffee? I’ve been learning how to make some.”

Kagami furrowed her eyebrows. From her experience, coffee was never really something she liked to begin with. The bitter taste it always left in her mouth made her want to gag sometimes. She’d much preferred a nice hot cup of tea over the brown bean juice any day. It was familiar, reminded her of her relatives distant in a land she hadn’t visited in a while. Green matcha was her favorite. Flavorful, yet still enough room for the senses to breathe.

Still, her mind flashed through the countless online articles she’d studied on how to make friends. Kagami could recall one in particular.

‘If you want to get to know a potential friend better, it might help to talk to them over a nice cup of coffee.’

Kagami conceded. Seemed like fate had different plans for her.

“Yes please.” She said.

“Great!” Luka chirped, already grabbing two round mugs. “How do you want it?”

Her mind blanked at the unexpected question. For the first time in a while, she wasn’t sure what to do. There was more than one type of coffee?

Thankfully, she was as quick as ever to come up with a quick answer.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having, thank you.”

Ha! Operation: Converse with Luka is a go.

He seemed unphased. “Alright then. Two mochas, coming right up!”

At that, Luka got straight to work, pulling out a choice few instruments that Kagami couldn’t recognize at first. It was as if he was in his own world as he created their drinks, pacing to and fro between stations with a grace that she only saw in her own fencing. But it was slightly different, as if he didn’t have as much of a system, and more of a flow; a rhythm that no one could hear but himself. It was entrancing, in a way.

A short burst of hope bloomed in her chest when he made his way towards her with their finished drinks.

When he set them off the table, she was almost caught speechless. On the top of the mugs, there were illustrations of a brown and white heart, outlined by streaks that surrounded its outer edge. It was beautiful, really. How did he manage to create something like this using nothing but a bit of steamed milk? Must’ve been the dexterity that stemmed from being a skilled guitarist, she figured.

“It’s beautiful.” She commented. Her eyes were still fixated on the drinks before them.

“Thank you.” Luka smiled as he offered her one. She took it gracefully, and took a nice warm sip. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as face-scrunchingly strong like she expected it to be. It still had the richness of coffee that Adrien liked to rant to her about. She was made aware of that much thanks to him, but there was also a thick, blissful layer of sweetness that she didn’t know coffee was even capable of! What was his secret, the madman?

“Excuse me.” She asked. “This is really good. I’d like to know what you put in it, if you may.”

Luka laughed lightly and gave a small shrug, careful not to spill his drink. “I don’t know. It’s nowhere near as well as I’ve seen. I just used a little bit of pre-ground, chocolate syrup and some steamed milk on top.”

“But the hearts?” Kagami asked.

Pink suddenly dusted his cheeks, which she wasn’t expecting at all. Kagami was quite sure she’d never seen him flustered. Ever! “As for the hearts, well… it’s the only thing I know how to make when it comes to latte art, so you’ll have to excuse me for that-”

“It’s okay.” She interrupted, holding the mug close to her lip. “I like the hearts.”

“Oh.” He blinked, unsure of what to say. “Okay then.”

As Luka took another, longer sip of his coffee, Kagami had to resist the urge to jump out the window and into the Seine. What the heck did she even just say? And why so sudden? Damn her inability to talk properly like a normal person! Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this whole thing after all.

No, she told herself, this interaction could still be saved. The right opportunity just needed to come, and this time, she would make sure to cease the opportunity as soon as it arrived.

And it came when Luka spoke up again.

“Kagami, if I may so politely ask,” he said, as if trying to muster up all of the properness he could, “what made you want to learn guitar in the first place?”

Nope, forget that. She was just going to have to deflect that particular question.

Kagami cleared her throat awkwardly. “No reason.”

“C’mon, you and I both know that’s not true.” He teased, leaning on his fist as he propped an elbow onto the back rest of the couch. “Why does Kagami Tsurugi of all people want to learn the humble six-string?”

She mulled over her possible options to respond appropriately to the conversation. Maybe she’d just have to learn to roll with it if their future lessons were going to be anything like this. Was this a test? Hopefully, she’d pass with flying colors. That’d show him.

“I like how it brings people together.” Kagami stared at her cup of coffee, now half-finished. The slight swirl of it inside the mug reminding her of the ebb and flow of those around her that always seemed to elude herself. It was true what she said, she’d made it her mission to make more meaningful friendships ever since that fateful day she managed to become a friend to Marinette, of all people. She was amazing, in all senses of the word. She made her wonder exactly how much she was missing out on in the world. “I’ve seen how happy people are around Kitty Section, and it makes me want to try doing something similar.”

Not only that, but she also wanted to do something outside of her mother’s knowledge for once. Her heart ached for something novel, a new path that would reap some results that wasn’t from the request of her mother, but of her own initiative and being. Was that so wrong?

It wasn’t until Luka leaned in closer beside her that Kagami realized she was hunching in on herself and slowly leaning towards him. Since when did she lose her posture like that? She fixed her posture before she could do something stupid like talking about her feelings. There was a sudden distance between them that suddenly felt a bit empty to her.

“That’s really flattering of you, actually.” He tilted his head. “I’m honored to have been the one to inspire you to learn.”

Kagami raised a brow. “Really?”

“Really.” After setting his drink on the table, he pulled out an acoustic guitar from behind the couch. Since when was that there? “So, what are you interested in learning?”

“Isn’t that your job?” She quipped.

Luka started tuning the guitar, his eyes on the head while still listening to her. “True, but it helps to know what you like.”

Kagami hummed. “I’ve only ever been exposed to classical music.” That, and the fact that she’d never gone out of her way to develop a palette for the art medium. Not that she’d ever admit to it, though. She’d come to learn that normal people actually listened to music for fun and not to one up each other in an arms race to prove who had the better, more acquired taste.

Yeah, normal people were a bit different than what she was used to.

He whistled low. “That might take a while.” He said, strumming a chord. To her, it sounded fairly in tune but he proceeded to fiddle with the pegs anyway. “Classical pieces are a bit tricky.”

She straightened and held his gaze. “I’m more than willing to dedicate myself to it.”

“I definitely don’t doubt that.” Luka nodded, getting her point. “Alright then. It’s settled.”

He began playing absentmindedly and looked back at her, not even looking down at his hands. “What times work for you?”

At that, they were able to work out a time in their schedules for both of them that would work. A surprisingly easy feat, since it seemed that other than his part-time delivery job, his schedule was pretty much free. A bit of a contrast to her own weekly plans, but it wasn’t like she was going to voice her complaints. Kagami was eager to get as much practice done as soon as possible. She was going to learn this instrument. She was determined to.

“I’m glad we were able to get an arrangement down.” She set her coffee down and held out a hand, just like she’d read. Palm directly forward to the recipient, with her forearm coming up at a 45 degree angle. Luka eyed her hand, an unreadable expression on his face. “It’s a high-five.” She said, hoping he’d follow. “You see, you smack it with your own hand. A casual gesture to demonstrate our agreement.”

Luka nodded with an amused smile on his face. “I know what a high-five is.” He high-fived her hand with just enough force to emit the sound of a light smack. Good, they were able to seal the deal with a good natured high-five. Kagami dared thought she was getting pretty good at this ‘talking to people’ thing.

“I’ll see you next Saturday, then?” Luka placed his finished drink back on the table and stood up, all while towering over her. Kagami always wondered why the universe made her so small and short, when people like Luka seemed to be given the luck of the draw in that department. She just supposed she had to make do with what she got. Flexible, her mother would say. Flexible and adaptable.

“That’s the plan.” Standing up, she brushed down her blazer and skirt, trying to smooth down any wrinkles in the fabric before fixing her posture so she could try and at least look taller than she actually was. “Thank you for having me, but I’m afraid I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

Luka put his hands on his hips. “You’re always welcome here, Kagami.”

Oh?

“Sorry, come again?”

“I said, you’re more than welcome down here on good ol’ Liberty.” He gestured to the room around them, and as if to illustrate his point, the boat rocked the slightest bit. “And besides, don’t worry about ‘overstaying your welcome’. There’s no debt among friends after all.”

Kagami felt a familiar warmth bloom in her chest at the word. A warmth that she’d been hoping to chase for a while.

She lifted her chin up towards him in question. “As friends?”

Luka smiled warmly. “As friends.”

Kagami couldn’t help the smile that crept on her face.

Yes! They were friends now! To think, all she had to do was speak to him over a cup of coffee.

Kagami rummaged through her research to find an appropriate way to thank him. Any way to express her gratitude for his kindness.

One of them only sounded more appropriate, but it was a little sudden.

But then again, Kagami was never one to hesitate.

So, she stepped forward and raised her arms.

And wrapped them around his torso in a hug.

Hugs weren’t something Kagami was all that acquainted with. What with having the little friends she had, and a mother that didn’t give them at all, for that matter.

But now, she had to admit that hugging felt sort of nice.

It was made even better when Luka wrapped his arms around her head and pulled her in close. His own warmth enveloping her into a bliss that Kagami wanted more of. The smallest scent of denim tickled her nose, and for the first time in a while, she liked the silence of the room more than anything before. It wasn’t awkward, even though it should’ve been. Her own (failed) first kiss with Adrien was a hot mess that she wanted to completely forget about for even trying. But for some reason, Kagami could never imagine herself ever coming to regret hugging Luka.

Maybe this would run deeper than she thought.

Kagami pushed away, not expecting the sudden thought to arrive. The sudden heat in her cheeks were not a welcome addition, either.

She tried to fix her stance before walking out. “I-I should get going.”

What the hell was that? She never stuttered. Ever! That was Marinette’s thing!

“Wait!” Luka stopped her in her tracks. “Aren’t you going to finish your coffee?”

Kagami paused, unable to answer. The coffee was pretty nice actually, and it’d be a shame to decline the gift of her host.

He seemed to be able to read her expression, because he made his way towards the counter. “I’ll put it in a to-go cup for you.” The scent carried all the way through to her nose as he poured the coffee into a bright blue plastic mug. The same color as his hair. “Here, you can give it back on our first lesson.”

The kind, disarming smile he sent her was enough to make her heart clench. What game was he playing on her?

Kagami was fairly sure that the heat in her cheeks was about the same temperature as the drink in her hands, but she hoped that it didn’t mean whatever she thought it did. This was absolutely no time to be crushing on her new mentor. Nope, no way. That would be absolutely disastrous for her efforts in learning the new instrument. He’d just be another distraction, no matter how sweet he was.

A voice in her head piped up despite all of the orderly, logical reasoning that she’d been trained upon ever since she was an infant.

But would a new distraction be so bad if it came with something; someone new?

As she stood outside the boat, she gazed up at the blue, blue sky. It reminded her of new opportunities to come, more stories to be told, new events that fate was going to put into her hands, of opportunities that awaited her on the other side of whatever this new feeling was. It was similar to how she felt around Adrien, but new. New and different. It wasn’t the same, but different. In a good way, she felt.

Kagami looked down at the drink she held in both hands, close to her heart.

It was a promise.

She smiled.

Maybe she could learn to love the taste of coffee after all.

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #lukagami #the taste of coffee #anon's writing #but anyways i guess im crossposting now

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