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bookishbea · 4 years

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Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

#black friday #starkid #tickle me wiggly #the guy who didn't like musicals

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drarry-with-a-side-of-harry · 5 years

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Journey into the MCU XII

Avengers: Endgame

I just watched Endgame. Part of me doesn’t even know what to say. Some bits were brilliant and exactly what I wanted them to be and then some bits were just... a bit shit?

Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. Whenever something happened I was screaming ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT’ you know, in the best way :) ...But... I had to love it, you know what I mean? Seriously though, don’t really know what the shit I just watched (in a good way lol)

So, I love the fact that it started with Clint - that already got me crying (the first of the 41 instances of crying due to this film and probably the fact that I’m hormonal lmao). I adored Tony and Nebula’s interaction playing the game in space and I was like ‘Ah shit here we go again he’s adopting another one’ lol. I honestly had no idea how they were going to get back to Earth until That Bitch™ turns up - I actually waaaaay prefer Carol in this film to Captain Marvel!!!

STEVE RUNS TO TONY WHEN THE SHIP LANDS! I CAN’T! HE’S BY HIS SIDE BEFORE PEPPER EXCUSE YOU BITCH WHAT!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH

I love them so much :’) sorry I’ll stop

Tony’s whole ‘zero zip nada no trust liar’ just. Wow. Very well done to both RDJ and Evans because that’s improvised right? I love!

I really like Thor, Protector of Lesbians and That Bitch’s interaction. Instantly a yes from me.

I enjoyed Thor’s desperation at just slicing that purple twat’s head off.

I’m trying to do this chronologically but I’m gonna start fucking up. Whatever.

I HATE what they did to Bruce. I wanted to see Bruce Banner being distraught and instead they wrote in all this unnecessary humour which personally I didn’t think was too funny maybe because I was too mad and made him permanently green?? Excuse me? The Russos have gotta be clowning right? The dared do THIS to the strongest avenger? Fuck off honestly. Think about what that man has been through - tried to kill himself and this is the treatment he gets?! No.

I like the fact that Thor is depressed because that was a natural decline. And I mean, he was depressed waaay before 2023 right? He has lost EVERYTHING and can’t really relate to anyone else because most of his loss was different, but he manages to maintain some of the humour we see from him in Ragnarok, HOWEVER I feel like the Russos were just trying too hard to make the humour happen and it just didn’t feel right?

LOVE THE FACT THAT THEY GOT OUT OF THE ‘OH SCOTT’S STUCK IN THE QUANTUM REALM’ PLOT HOLE WITH A RAT SCURRYING ACROSS THE CONTROLS. BITCH. I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT THAT. THAT’S JUST ICONIC.

Also, Tony Stark really is one of the best dads, huh? Along with Mr. Lang of course. AND NEITHER OF THEM GOT TO SEE THEIR KIDS GROW UP SORRY MORE ON THAT LATER.

I understand that Tony wasn’t on board at first, despite being a bit annoyed at him being selfish, I got it. And then bitch gets on board and everything’s happy for 20 minutes.

The Time Heist was ICONIC aND no one can tell me otherwise!!! Honestly just the fact that it was called the time heist and it was Scott’s plan and Scott is still tHE biggest fanboy - we stan.

I knew about the time travel shit before watching and thought they were gonna fuck it up because time travel is difficult with regard to not just going ‘so now we’re gonna go back and fix everything, job done’ but I actually think they did a pretty good job and did well explaining how *this version* of time travel was gonna work.

I really enjoyed Bruce’s interaction with the Ancient One and when she realises there must be a problem in the future if Stephen saved Tony’s life for the stone.

STEVE, TONY AND SCOTT WERE EVERYTHING AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THESE GUYS BACK IN 2012!!! I love Tony making Scott induce a heart attack. ICONIC. I live for the fact that we see all this sort of ‘behind the scenes’ action of The Avengers 2012 and the stuff that happened after the event and the ins and outs of everything. I will NEVER be over these whole shenanigans!!!!! I already knew about Cap V Cap but nOTHING could’ve prepared me for tHAT. This will be a continuing theme lol. I had no idea the whole ‘that is America’s ass’ thing actually happened jfc. SIDE NOTE: Tony really does say ‘I forgot that suit did nothing for your ass Cap’ bITCH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA why you looking though you bi little shit lmao I’m not sorry. Steve whispering Hail Hydra was iconic and I was screaming ‘FUCK YEH BITCH FUCK EM UP NOW THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON HELL YEAH STEVE!!!!!!’ and at first I was like ‘wait, are they gonna recreate the CATWS elevator fight sequence?’ and then they did tHAT. ICONIC. And then I also knew that they go back further because I knew Tony met Howard and I knew about Dr. Potts and Capt. Stevens (lol) BUT NOTHING COULDVE PREPARED ME FOR THAT EITHER!!!! That shit got me FUCKED aND he hUGged him! He hugged his dad! I was! Not ready! For that!

Anyway so their time heist was really nice and I loved it so much it was everything I could’ve hoped for.

Thor and Frigga’s interaction I thought was really nice and she MUST know by the way he’s talking that in his future, the near future, she’s dead. I just find it so lovely and she completely restores Thor’s confidence in himself.

NOW

CLINT AND NAT

ABSOLUTELY NOT

That totally fucked me up. I knew Nat died at Vormir but turns out it didn’t matter that I already knew because nothing could’ve prepared me for that either.

For one, they hint at it quite a bit after they’ve finalised the plan - you know, that someone’s gonna go there and die. Nebula knows and we know that whoever’s going to Vormir ain’t coming back - well, one of them. oops

Secondly, I had no idea that they *playfully* fought it out to decide who it was gonna be and I was sOBBING from the moment they got to Vormir till- uhhh- well tbh it never stopped but you get the point. The whole fact that Nat realised that *this* was her purpose and after what Clint had been doing for the last five years, he thought he was too far gone and didn’t deserve his family anymore, even if they could get them back. It just totally fucked me up. That was one of my favourite scenes.

Sad Steve. AHHHH.

Then a whole load of shit happens and Thanos learns about the plan. I like the way Thanos talking about his future self is written, so kudos to the writers on that one!

I also appreciate the fact that there’s no delay between Thanos, Squidward and the rest of his crew coming to the future and the fight. That’s it. All of a sudden we’re straight into it! Great!

AHHHHHHH so now it’s time for The Big Three to confront Thanos and I just LOVE this sequence so much I honestly can’t express it and I was so so sooooo hoping that I would see these three on their own (plus purple numpty of course). At this point Thanos is just completely psycho because he wants to destroy the universe and create a new one which is an addition I really like - creates a new sense of urgency I suppose.

In other news, Steve Rogers is worthy! Which I love because somewhere around CATWS I started stanning this bitch!

Dr. Strange’s portals? ICONIC. Hotel? TRIVAGO.

Peter’s back and his and Tony’s whole interaction and hug had me in fucking tears jesus fUCKING christ nope. That shit hurt. THAT IS HIS SON RIGHT THERE. FUCK.

RIGHT.

TONY MOTHERFUCKING STARK.

The fact Stephen knows - has known for 5 years - what must happen.

The look on both their faces when Tony realises.

Nope.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Made me wanna die.

Then he does it. Fuck. I’m completely fucked now. Thanks. And then Peter’s by his side and Peter’s whole speech while Tony’s just dYING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT. I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE HURT LIKE THIS. AND RHODEY. AND PEPPER. AND PEPPER HAS TO PULL PETER OFF. NOPE.

THEN they dare just cUT TO THE FUNERAL??!!?!

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Get the fuck out honestly.

Tony’s recording. No.

The placing of everyone at the funeral was just perfect. The funeral was just beautiful in general tbh. The Proof That Tony Stark Has A Heart on the flowers. HARLEY!!!!!!! NO.

AND MORGAN WANTED CHEESE BURGERS JFC HAPPY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST UNCLE WOW!!!

Did I know Tony Stark was gonna die? Yes I did. I would’ve had to leave Tumblr to not have found out. There’s only so much that tagging can hide and you see something that hints at it and then you see a quick gif and then you just know, you know?

Did it prepare me? Fuck no.

Now, Steve.

What tHE ACTUAL FUCK?

What was that?

I’m not buying it.

Love the fact he passed Cap onto Sam, but to spend the rest of his life with Peggy? Fuck no. Some girl he knew too seconds vs spending the rest of his life with his BEST FRIEND who was irreplaceable. Fuck off. Bucky’s face throughout the whole sequence. The poor man was fucking devastated. And I’m writing this from a canon perspective because I’m all for stucky you know? Then I asked my self: ‘How could Steve do that?’ Conclusion: he couldn’t and he wouldn’t - the writers were playing silly games and none of us, none of us are buying it.

Did I know all this was gonna go down? Yes. Was I prepared? No.

Not for Bucky’s fucking face jfc. All they got was a line and a quick hug. They were BEST FRIENDS. I honestly can’t stress that enough. Wow.

The deleted scenes. Of course I have watched them aND WHY IN THE SHIT WERE THEY DELETED??? Russos are fucking clowns!!!! They all fucking kneeled for him and that was cut? You having a laugh mate?! And Gerald the Alpaca was cut because??? The extra Howard and Tony didn’t make the cut? Excuse you? Tony’s talking about how he doesn’t think he’s done enough, and then he goes and does the aBSOLUTE MOST???? :’) fuck. And uhhh Rhodey having the ONLY brain cell in the avengers with the whole ‘well you coulda jumped out the plane beforehand Cap’ lmaooo brilliant!!!

So they may be deleted but let me tell you, they released them so now they’re fucking canon.

So in conclusion, did I know all the major spoilers before watching this film? Yes because I wasn’t going to be a tumblr hermit, but managed to pretty successfully ignore them until today. SO WAS I PREPARED? FUCK NO!

Surprisingly I LOVED Clint in Endgame - not that I didn’t like him before but I just really respect how broken he is in this. His family. Nat. It really adds up and I really enjoyed what they did with his character.

I did really love it generally but just wasn’t entirely happy with some of the character choices - because they seemed pretty damn out of character! There’s development over 5 years of not having seen them, and then... there’s... some other situations.

Would I have enjoyed it more not knowing any spoilers? Completely! But I wasn’t gonna stay clear of Tumblr for 4 months lol.

Main thing I will take away from watching this. I miss Tony Stark so much and love him so much. And no I will not shut up about it. And was I crying for a good hour after the film ended and then some whilst I was watching the extra content? Maybe.

Also I’m so emotional that this is IT for Downey and Chris. Wow. Ok I’m done :’)

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cinnamonrollstark · 5 years

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Thoughts on Endgame

Sorry guys, again, in case you dont realise, THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS

If you havent seen the movie, scroll on. If you dont scroll, and dont have your tags blacklisted, dont come at me my bros.

This post will be very chaotic, wont lie.

Who puts mayo on a hotdog?

How about ketchup?

The dust in the wind, man, gave me chills

Tony and Nebula friendship! Yes motherfuckers!

Tony so looked on the verge of tears holy shit

First qualm: captain marvel saved them awful fast. Nothing to show how she knew they were there, maybe it was in some scene of captain marvel or something but ??? Like that was quick

I LOST THE KID OHMYFUCKING GOD

Tony looked so thin holyshit

YES MY MAN IN A CAN TELL THAT MOTHERFUCKER OFF

YOU FUCKING WARNED THEM

"You said we'd do that together, and YOU WERENT THERE."

Yes Tony jesus let all that anger out

Handing his metaphorical heart to Steve got me choked up

"Went for the head" fuck yeah you did

FIVE YEARS WTF

Okay Ant Man bringing Joy, as always. So glad to see you, my little buggy friend

Also thank you to that rat?

TONYS A DAD

MORGAN IS PRECIOUS

Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3000

And so do we bud, and we always will

TONY FIGURING OUT THE TIME LOOP

"Shit!"

Okay I'm glad yall made up but it couldve gone better idk

I get that it was played for laughs, but there was a little too much emphasis on Thor's weight

The taco though

I get it was showing how much his character had changed

However, it felt body shamy idk

But he was still funny as hell

And with everything he was such a mood

Thor crying fucked me up though

Same for hawkeye

Like man, Thor and Hawkeye, and a little bit of Steve cry a whole lot in this movie

FRIGGA

LOKI

LOKI AND FRIGGA

"IM TOTALLY FROM THE FUTURE"

"Are you crying?" "What? No, absolutely not." *thor cries.* "okay yes fine I'm crying.

"Hail Hydra" okay but why was that hot, Steve, how did you make that hot

"I could do this all day." "Agh, yeah, I know."

I'm going inside you

Also this is reflecting back but I dont think I'll ever get the image if hulk dabbing out of my head

Loki disappearing with the tesseract was a mood

HE HAD A HIPPY BEARD

TONY AND HOWARD

Still doesnt make Howard good in my eyes, but I'm glad Tony got some closure

STEVE AND PEGGY

TONY oh my God that awkward hug was everything

Act 2

NEBULA I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

Clint and Nat being jokey in the jet

They have no idea

Red skull again!

"I want to kill myself!" "No me!"

"Let me go"

"No."

"Its okay."

The score jesus christ so many chills.

Clint waking up and sobbing with the soul stone okay fine just rip my heart out, then

Aaand Cap is crying

Hulk come on, stop acting so angry at Clint

He was there and you werent

He really tried

OH COME ON THANOS YOU PURPLE DICK FACE BASTARD WHY YOU GOTTA DO THAT

Making the infinity gauntlet holy shiiit

Tony's is so much sleeker than Thaddys

THE SNAP

THE PHONE CALL

CLINTS FACE

THE SHOT OF ANT MAN LOOKING UP AND SEEING THE SHIP BEFORE IT ALL GOES TO SHIT

Act 3

Oh wow I forgot for a hot minute that Rhodey doesnt walk the same

Awww Rocket you can get out of there I promise you little buddy!!

Where did that lead you... back to me

That whole sequence was just CINEMATICALLY brilliant

Also can we just talk about how Thor's hair styled itself with lightning?

Also if you dont still think thicc thor is hot you're a fake fan

But I get it if yourr not in it for the alcoholism

LIGHTNINNNG

OH MY FUCJING GOD

THE FUCKING HAMMER

HES WORTHY

"I KNEW IT"

Yes the fuck you did

And so did we

On your left!!!!

Oh my God the look on their faces was just amazing

WHEN ALL THE PORTALS OPENED UP

I LITERALLY STARTED TEARING UP

SPIIIIDEY

HES WORTH ANOTHER THOUGHT

PETER MOTHERFUCKING PARKER, JUST SWINGING ALONG

"You're never gonna believe- remember when we were in space? And we got all dusty?" "That yellow sparky thing he does a lot"

Irondad hug oh my FUCK

"Well this is nice."

GAUNTLET FOOTBALL

CAPTAIN MARVEL

SPIDEY IN INSTANT KILL MODE YESSS

PETER CLUTCHING YHE GAUNTLET WAS UNBEARABLY ADORABLE

"Hi Peter Parker."

"If I tell you it wont happen."

Tell him, Stephen, please, we cant lose him. But we will, and theres no way around that.

Strange holding up the '1' with his finger

After that I was a mess for the rest of the film

You sneaky amazing cinnimon roll, snatching up those stones

"I am Iron Man."

YES THE FUCK YOU ARE

DUSTY ASS THANOS

BYE BYE MOTHER FUCKER

I was sobbing at this point because I knew.

"Mr Stark? Mr. Stark, we won! You did it."

Oh lord I've never seen Peter cry like that and it ripped out my soul

"We'll be okay. You can rest now."

I was actually audibly weeping, and didnt give a shit.

Hawkeye family reunion!

Tony's goodbye message

I love you 3000 (pt. 2, the weepy remix)

The funeral.

The arc reactor at the lake

"Proof that Tony stark has a heart"

Peter baby I'm so sorry!

Harley!! Hey bud, it's been a while!

NED AND PETER REUNION I REPEAT

HANDSHAKE HANDSHAKE

DONT CRY NED YOU SWEET PRECIOUS BOY

We know where you're going, Steve. Dont be so dramatic (but we still love you)

Old! Steve!

Sir you do not age how I believe you would age but okay

Raisin Clint Eastwood hands Sam the sheild

Nothing against Sam, I just figured since he knew Bucky longer, it would go to him

But comic accurate, and it was still beautiful

The peggy dance and kiss

*EXCEPT TONY SHOULDNT HAVE DIED YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS*

#marvel #tony stark #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoiler warning #endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #a4 spoilers

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scottsumrners · 5 years

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avengers: flopgame, a rundown

most of the spoilers were right to some degree: cap does go back to peggy, iron man does snap thanos out of existence, all that jazz. they were wrong in several other things (cap doesn’t break the soul stone, he doesn’t receive a letter from peggy)

the plotline is very bareboned, and honestly i still dont know how it lasted for three hours. thanos does the snap and then “retires” to some planet in a corner of the universe. captain marvel rescues iron man, who promptly tells everybody to fuck off while he mops. the avengers + carol go out and beat thanos’ ass, but they found out that he used the stones to erase the stones

this part is hilarious when you look back after a certain part of the movie because the ancient one literally says that if the stones are removed from existence, the universe is fucked. but i guess it was already fucked either way?

five years pass. thor is fat and depressed. cap is handsome and depressed. natasha is depressed. captain marvel has a lesbian haircut. tony is living his best life with his daughter and pepper, because it turns out tony didn’t lose anybody in the snap! fun, i know

then scott is accidentally freed fro the quantum realm when a rat steps over the controls, reaches a grown up cassie (how did she go from 9 years old to 17, god only knows). then he goes after the avengers with the idea of going back in time. this is where the plot starts to unravel completely.

they go to tony for help, but he refuses because of his kid. then they go to “mr. hulk”, who tries to help but doesn’t know much. then tony changes his mind and helps them, under the condition that they don’t go back to when the snap happened, but instead just...ressurrect everybody who died. this completely overlooks the fact that FIVE YEARS HAVE PASSED, people have moved on, and many more have died/committed suicide/done a lot of bad things to themselves and others in the awake of the snap and afterwards. clint is proof of that

clint, by the way, lost his whole family, so he decided to get a haircut and become racist. he literally goes to, like, mexico and japan to kill criminals. “people died and you didn’t”, he says to a mafia boss. there are no mafia bosses in america apparently.

so they go back in time, because hulk and tony say that whatever they do in the past doesn’t count because of fixed timeloops. and then when they get to the past, the ancient one says that if they remove an infinity stone they create a fringe timeline, which is unprotected because the stones are meant to be the guardians of the universe or something

by the way did i mention thanos destroyed them? right?

there is a moment which is just. like. okay. steve goes back in time in the end with the purpose of not messing with the timeline by putting them back there, except steve whispers “hail hydra” to brock rumlow to get the mind stone and loki disappears with the cube, which is like. a massive fucking alteration in the timeline? but who the fuck knows! not the writers, thats for sure.

and then they fuck up even further because when nebula goes back in time, her systems interact with past nebula, who gets hijacked by thanos and literally tells thanos the whole plan. so evil past nebula replaces present nebula, goes back to the future, and when the team assembles to undo the snap (which they do), she brings thanos’ ship from 2014 to the present.

bearing in mind that scott literally says they only have fuel to go one back-to-back trip, but nebula manages to an entire ship using the pym particles *after* she has returned, and it is never explained how except there is a moment of her showing thanos the pym particles

so they undo the snap and everybody is back, but so is thanos from the past, who decides that only killing half the population doesn’t work because there will always be those wanting to undo it, so he wants to kill everybody and start anew. cap, thor and iron man go toe-to-toe with him while the hulk is buried under a bunch of rubble (thanos’ ship destroys the avengers compound) with rocket and war machine, and hawkeye is running from thanos’ creatures with the gauntlet

by the way did i mention that natasha had to sacrifice herself to get the soul stone? lmfao that was like....terrible. alas

the final battle is cool. cap wields the mjolnir (and thor says “i knew it!”. also he got the hammer back when he went to get the red stone) and beats thanos’ ass until he gets the upper hand. and then when all appears lost, the rest of the heroes show up to help and there is the big battle, with the goal of carrying the gauntlet from hawkeye to antman to send the stones back to the past

which they can’t do, and thanos gets them all back, but before he can snap he and carol have a beatdown. carol has three moments in the whole movie: rescuing iron man, as a hologram showing off her lesbian haircut, and this moment destroy thanos’ ship and beating his ass (and a cute scene with peter). then tony steals the stones from him by...literally grabbing them out of gauntlet, which is apparently something he COULDN’T have done in the original timeline?

also thanos has a gauntlet even though the gauntlet wasn’t made in 2014. but who is paying attention

and then iron man snaps thanos out of existence, he dies, people in my session were crying a lot. there is a funeral scene with everybody there; clint and wanda mourn natasha and iron man (hilarious bc tony put her in a straight fucking jacket, but alas), thor passes down the mantle of king of asgard to valkyrie and fucks off to be with the guardians of the galaxy, and steve goes back in time to put the stones back, but then he doesn’t come back. he is back as an old man there to pass down the mantle of captain america to sam, with the shield and all.

did i mention that cap and bucky have one (1) scene together? and he and falcon also only have this one? bucky seems super chill with all of it. he apparently could telepathically already know that steve was gonna do this bullshit.

the last shot of the movie is steve and peggy dancing, which made me nauseated. or maybe was the sugar. but probably steggy.

the positive points:

beautiful cinematography, except for the moments where it was too dark to see what the fuck was going on

less of a barrage of jokes, which was a welcome change. much of the joke was the fact that thor is fat and depressed and is a drunk now. haha. hilarious.

also there is a moment where they joke about captain america’s ass and two shots of captain america’s ass, which may just save this movie from being a complete disaster.

they aged cassie so there is real hope for a young avengers movie now

that’s it

the negative points:

the movie is extremely long for a plot extremely thin. but also it passed super quickly. wouldve been quicker if my bladder wasn’t full

iron man was, throughout the entire movie, completely selfish. he was arrogant and rude and he put his stupid ooc family above the rest of the universe. if he had been smart and gone back to the moment of the snap, he would have survived to have morgan stark again

when he goes back in time and meets his father, howard literally tells him he regretted putting his job above his family, which for tony translates on forcing the team to not undo the snap properly

natasha’s plotline was that she was lost and lonely and her “family” had died so she had no reason to keep living. so she kills herself. INCREDIBLE message to the audience

robert downey jr and jeremy renner are very ugly and old and the fact that we get getting these extreme close ups of both of them was. uncomfortable.

people kept saying that steve’s farewell was touching and beautiful and it would make sense but it didn’t. steve’s existence in the past changes hundreds of things - and if it doesn’t, the alternative is that steve knew what would happen and chose to do nothing, which is just. taking a shit on everything steve rogers stands for.

like, literally - and this makes me angry - the entire movie they kept hammering the idea that cap needed to MOVE ON. that he needed to go on with his life. when they showed peggy in the past and steve is watching her, the idea is that she has carried on with her life, only holding on to the memory of who he was as a memento. and then they take a shit all over it

the resolution of thor’s plotline from the last several movies being “thor doesnt actually want to be king, he just wants to be a space hooligan” is just. baffling.

steve, bucky and sam have ONE SCENE TOGETHER. IN THREE HOURS OF MOVIE!!!!!

the moral of the avengers: endgame is that never try to do a movie about superheroes and time travel because you just wont be able to do it right. and that’s that on that.

#avengers #a4 #endgame #spoilers

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dinoblip · 7 years

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i found guardians of the galaxy vol 2 a bit shit

I saw it a little less than a week ago and I’m still disappointed.

I prefer to think of this post more of an “analysis” than a rant but itll probably be more the latter.

also these are all just opinions, if you liked it thats fine.

(spoilers ahead)

1. the writing

i mean i wasnt expecting it to be a masterpiece, hardly any sequels are, but the humour of the first film was 100% tied to the clever screen writing.

and here it felt like the writer was hamfistedly trying SO GODDAMN HARD to be funny and it never really seemed to land except in 1 or 2 scenes (the groot button scene and the scene where groot is explaining why he doesnt like hats).

This might just be my dumb sense of humour here, i know plenty of people who did find it funny but so many lines just left me cold or rolling my eyes.

An example is this fruit gag and the set-up is okay.

One of the first things nebula says in the film that she wants a piece of fruit which she is then denied because it isn’t ripe yet. This is fine, its humorous because of the casual tone of the question and the somewhat overly stern and ridiculous answer, the outright denial perhaps being because gamora doesnt want to be charitable to her sister at all. It works.

Then it gets reestablished: theyre now fighting people and the fruit is on the ground in the fray and nebula is still a prisoner. Now she asks Drax for the fruit and Drax yells over his gun “no its still not ripe”. This doesnt work quite as well cause it doesnt make quite as much logical sense and its basically the same conversation as before. So its not funny here.

Then the pay-off doesnt work because its too hamfisted. There is a reveal that nebula has managed to escape and now has a gun in one hand and the fruit in the other. That alone would have been a good pay-off because theres a sense of misplaced priorities, maybe simply because she kept getting denied it she went out of her way to bring it with her. I chuckled at that.

But then the script makes her triumphantly take a bite out of it, spit it out dramatically as if its disgusting and then explain “it wasnt ripe”. And they film it as if thats the punchline. It was too hammy to be funny, it seemed like such a waste of an opportunity.

Like they could have made it more understated like they could have stretched it out a little. Here’s an idea for what they could have done instead. Shes quite a proud character so her taking a bite in triumph fits her character fine but once she takes a bite, she smiles for a bit that sorta slowly turns into a bit of a grimace but continues chewing determinedly, her face a picture of disgust. that could be the end of the scene or it could continue by then having a ravager break the silence to ask if shes alright. she sorta manages to swallow it down but when she next talks her voice could be a bit claggy and constantly sounding like shes on the verge of coughing which would undermine her authority over the situation.

This is one of the few times they attempt a recurring joke and it doesnt work at all (off the top of my head i cant even remember one other one and the first film had so many). Other examples of failed jokes include pretty much all lines said by Drax who only seems to laugh manically and insult Mantis and nothing else including one which doesnt even work within his character (this one: mantis is watching all the raider funeral fireworks and she says that theyre beautiful and drax is staring at her and says “yes, beautiful” pause “on the inside” ITS ESTABLISHED OVER AND OVER THAT HE IS LITERAL MINDED SO WHY IS HE SAYING THAT). And I would also say that alot of the jokes with Groot aren’t very good either and neither is his character in this film but dont worry I’m gonna justify that in a second. I plan on giving him an entire fucking section.

So not only did the jokes not work but even the normal conversations felt stilted. And so often it almost looked like the actors werent sure of how they were meant to say lines in a way that would sound natural. Peter Quill wasn’t sounding like Peter Quill all of a sudden, Gamora didnt feel like Gamora.

It made for a confusing experience. I kept having to question myself for not laughing at a joke or feeling emotionally invested in what was happening. i ended up asking myself alot “this is a guardians of the galaxy film, why arent i having fun?”

2. the story

I freaking loved where they went with the character development of yandu and nebula (she and gamora are my favs) but it made me realise how mindless the main story is. The only thing i found exciting about the main storyline was yandu’s backstory and then his redemption AND THEN THEY KILLED HIM. SO WHATEVER. NEVERMIND. Just so they could have a tearjerker ending.

anyway back on track, the main storyline, starlord’s was pretty standard and you could see the fact that starlord’s dad is evil from the beginning, mainly cause he’s shown to be too cool and flawless at first which is a big warning sign. It was more just boring than anything else. Though the cg for Ego rematerialising in really disgusting ways was amazing. But thats hardly a substitute really.

It’s just: chris pratt goes to find father -> turns out his dads a planet therefore chris pratt is Special™ -> oh no his dads bad what a shocker and he’s wanting galactic domination -> now they gotta fight and they do.

Everything else (which is alot by the way, there is so much “everything else”) is basically unrelated except yandu’s story but even then he has this mutiny happening on his ship for a bunch of the film which has nothing to do with most things. And then after a bloodbath he ends up flying his own ship again so none of that mattered and any consequences of killing an entire crew (that you would guess would be around for some reason like, i don’t know, maintaining the ship so it can fly places) simply do not exist. And then after that up til the Big Fight, yandu, yandu’s right-hand man (cant remember his name) and rocket scream into the camera for a while while they warp through apparently too many warp points or something. cause it seems like they had to fill up 3 minutes.

Meanwhile Chris Pratt and gamora have romantic tension or something while he tries to come onto her and stuff and she isn’t into it and then her development is her coming round to him? She doesnt have any other story except being attacked by nebula sometimes and not doing anything in the Big Fight for some reason????? She and nebula fall off a ledge which they cling to for most of the fight while mantis does her mind-fuckery til she gets knocked out and then the dudes take care of it.

Rocket’s character development is mainly yandu telling him not to push people away and that he knows what its like to be in rocket’s shoes yadda yadda. so that gives rocket some time to be angsty cause they need to fill there angst quota somewhere.

like i said i did like nebula’s character development and her backstory but it wasnt really relevant either. it did flesh her out as a character tho.

my main issue with the story was there was an emphasis on these character subplots which ususally I’m all for. But if there was a main plotline which actually tied it all together then it would have worked. It was all well themeatically of having all these characters choosing their families over their bloodties. But having all these subplots almost occur in a vaccum away from all the other subplots AND the main storyline, makes for a really slowww film. in which once a scene ends, more often than not, you have to ask yourself “and what was the point of that”.

And also once you start giving fleshed out character development for the sake of fleshed out character development and not for the overall plot, it makes the fact that some character’s weren’t given this treatment all the more apparent.

Like Drax, in the first film he was a very well developed character. But as i said earlier, literally all he does in GotG2 is laugh alot and tell mantis she’s ugly.

and then there’s groot’s character develop- HA NO

3. GROOT

there is no character development for groot because groot has no character.

groot has ceased to exist and a vacuous void has been been put in his place. that is the only explanation i can come up with for the way he is depicted: he died at the end of the last film, his consciousness vacated his body and then when he was being regrown, no consciousness was left to get put into it.

look

i really dont like being pandered to and here marvel was clearly pandering to anyone who thought little stick groot dancing at the end of the first film was adorable. and i did, obviously. who didnt? but when you try to replace character and motivation with cute, it wont work.

he is dancing and when he’s not dancing he’s misunderstanding information or being near useless in battles. All while he has that creepy vacant smile is on his face.

the camera freaking loves this idiot. to the point that the title sequence just has him dancing to mr blue sky while looking straight into the fucking camera, WHILE A WHOLE FIGHT IS HAPPENING AROUND HIM THAT I WOULD MUCH RATHER SEE.

for one thing, its an injustice to mr blue sky. that shits my jam.

for another thing, there is no music playing within the scene, its non-diegetic. so why’s he dancing?????

in the first film it makes sense cause not only cause the music matters to starlord but also cause it is happening in the scene, he’s listening to it on his headphones and it goes away when he takes them off. it also serves for conveying his character. and also the cinematography is great:the sweeping camera moves and visual gags really make you excited for the film to come.

Here, not only does it not make sense for him to be dancing as there’s no music, it also doesnt make sense for him to be dancing in the middle of a battle or dancing for a camera that he knows the presence off (this aint no 4th wall breaker or it shouldnt be). also the cinematography sucks cause hes too fucking small now so if you go for a wide shot you cant see the fucker. and also youd get distracted from his dancing because of all the action thats happening and WE CANT HAVE THAT. And the animation is good (i mean of course its good its fucking marvel) but they went so out of their way to kid-ify him that his arms and legs are really quite small compared to his head. Which would be fine, but with a dance-number, big arm and leg movements feel very small and don’t match the big music. I really felt a disconnect between what i was seeing and the music i was hearing. it didnt fit (while in the first film it so totally did).

the biggest issue i have with it is that it prioritises the wrong character. it prioritises groot when groot doesnt even have a semblence of a story. he does 2 things in the whole film: unlock a cage and carry a bomb for a little bit (because they realised that he wasnt doing anything so they threw him a bone).

then youve got the other characters getting introduced by telling him off for dancing. which is fair enough but it introduces them as sticks in the mud which is a weird way to introduce the main characters of a Fun Quirky Comedy film.

like i watched this opening and not only got annoyed at how long it felt but i also genuinely thought “oh i guess this is a groot film”.

I cannot even begin to explain how much could have gone wrong for me to think that.

I kinda hope the 3rd film (which you can bet your ass Marvel is making right now) is better or at least maybe not as rushed cause i did love the first film and it would be a shame for it to get chewed up in the haste to make make as much money off it as possible before it becomes irrelevant.

C’mon James Gunn. you’re better than this. Sometimes.

P.S. the gold people lol

#guardians of the galaxy vol 2 #personal #text #analysis #i hope #long post #real long #ive only seen this film once so if ive misremembered stuff i apologise

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creekycoffee · 7 years

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@scenikeight I'm just going to copy it onto here. Because I know I'll lose the link. Thank you so much for the comic recs. X-MEN Because the X-Men have been around for so. so fucking long. theres like a billion series. so I'm just gonna tell you to skip "The Original X-Men era" and go straight to X-Men: First Class. FC is a series of standalones that follows the original X-Men. You're already familiar with the X-Men so you don't need to start at the start for characters anyway, but FC will help to establish these characters in the comics universe for you. It's from the mid 2000s I think. If you want stories that introduce extra characters like Gambit and explain stuff like The Phoenix, read Chris Clairemont's Uncanny X-Men series. It's from the 70s-90s, I think. Theres like a million issues but it's worth reading (and it helps to piss you off in regards to movie interpretation lol). Also I think Wolverine was introduced here. Go from the Uncanny X-Men to the New Mutants books from the 90s (i think from the 90s.) Like the title says, there's new mutants. lots of em. this is where Deadpool is from. (ill get back to that) From there, you might want to go into solo series of the actual X-Men. I don't know that much about the older ones...i really only know about a few wolverine books like Wolverines which is a more current one Astonishing X-Men is another really good book, I think from the mid 2000s. Unlike most other comics in that time period it wasnt a part of any fucking crossover events which makes it MUCH easier to read. Theyre launching X-Men Gold/Blue and a few solo series this year which I'd keep your eye out for too. ...I really dont know that much about the X-Men comics to recommend anything else, all I know is that there's A TONNE of books about the mutants being wiped out. it's like every second story. House of M is one of these I think???? it's pretty well regarded I'd read that...but it's part of the Civil War II storyline i think so you might be a bit lost. I hate american comics so much fdkjhdfjk DEADPOOL OKAY here's where we get into shit i know heaps about. hes only been around for 25 years so it makes it much easier to find books. but dont let this fool you. these books are evil. in the space of a quarter century the character has been fucked so hard by the writers im not even sure if he has a characterisation anymore. nobody can make up their mind on who he is. god its hard to follow New Mutants #95 (i THINK, you might wanna check the number) is his first introduction and it's part of the Deadpool v1 collection. I don't...love...v1, I don't think anyone does...but you sort of should read it. Start at this issue, even if you don't read the rest of the New Mutants, then read the Circle Chase and Sins of the Past miniseries (in that order). These books don't establish..much..in the way of character but they do help to explain other shit from this era. The movie is partially based on this version. Deadpool v2 is the first actual SERIES and definitely better than v1, although it's pretty big. I haven't read all that much of it but it's a nicer interpretation than v1's DP is. Skippable, though. The movie is also partially based on this. Cable & Deadpool is the first series I can properly recommend for establishment. The writers have realised Wade's character by this point and his relationship with Cable and the rest of the X-Force is set up in this book pretty well. It's actually a good read although it can be fucking confusing at times. I'm pretty sure it has ties to v1, not v2, though, which is why you should read v1. it also has ties, i believe, to the civil war event. i didn't have any trouble reading it although i didnt bother with the civil war event so idk v3 is one of the most beloved interpretations of the character. I don't like it personally but the art is nice and it introduces the boxes (the voices in his head) which is cool. If you like the humour in the game you'll like this, its written by the same person. It's not my style but people like it for a reason. If you don't want to read it you can get info on this version of him from the game and skip it. I haven't read that much past this in terms of major series, but I'd recommend series like The Mercs for Money off of what I've heard about them. X-Force is probably a good bet too, although it doesn't focus on him he's a reoccuring character. Overall I think the latest series, the current one (and the one before it) is the best one to read. It has a few spinoff books too, like Mrs Deadpool and the Howling Commandos, which arent required reading but are still pretty fun series. For mini series, read the three Deadpool Kills... books. I think the order is Deadpool Killustrated, Deadpool Kills...The Marvel Universe, and then Deadpool Kills...Deadpool. For the last one you might want to read the Prelude To/Deadpool Corps series (even though they aren't that good and the art is revolting in some places.) You can skip it but if you like the corps concept you'll probably not hate the books. Cable & Deadpool: Split Second Infinite is a book I've been MEANING to read that I also recommend from word of mouth. It came out last year I think? Not necessarily tied to the original series. Spiderman and Deadpool. Holy shit Spiderman and Deadpool is a fucking good book. Its been going for like a year now and there's filler issues sometimes but it's definitely a good read. Read Spiderman and Deadpool. You don't really need any info on these versions of the characters, you'll pick it up as you go along. AVENGERS full disclaimer. i am not well versed in the avengers. what i DO know, however, is that the avengers are really fucking different in the comics than in the mcu. the mcu lied to you. Same deal with the X-Men, don't bother with the original series. There's too fucking many of them. If you didn't know already though, the great majority of current avengers books are fucking tie in series with other shit like the fourteen hundred civil war events theres been. god i hate the civil war events. it makes reading them ridiculously hard. i'm gonna recommend the 2012 onwards avengers/new avengers series. they lead into, yet, another, event...but you're probably going to want to read the event that follows onto it as part of the deadpool canon anyway bc it was part of the series before the current one i think. who knows. comics are hard. the series is pretty dark so you'll probably enjoy it. just be warned its hard to read, don't start reading comics with these series. i cant really recommend any other ones bc i know so little about them im afraid SPIDERMAN spiderman is fucking popular. therefore there are actually a billion spiderman books. everyone loves spiderman. god i fucking dont because there are so many books. like so many. its ridiculous how many books there are. its pretty hard to pinpoint..where...to...start but im going to say, start at The Death of Gwen Stacy. its an earlier one, i believe, but it's pretty fucking paramount to everything spiderman. read the books written by todd mcfarlane. how many arre there? god i dont fucking know. mans a living legend. just read them read them all. Amazing Spiderman Vol 1-4. this is everything else paramount to everything spiderman. its about him and mj, aunt may learning that hes spidey and all that good stuff. good book. dont pass on this book. Marvel Knights Spiderman. not overly familiar with the whole series but its good super good characterisation. Superior Spiderman. a series i havent read personally but I'm pretty sure it sets up the whole current spidey and parker industries stuff. spoiler hes like a young tony stark now. i guess. and thats my awful guide on the things you asked for. id find reading guides on reddit and stuff for further information.

#ref #comics #recommendations

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failingtheoscars · 3 years

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2021 Oscar Predictions: "I Didn't See Shit" Edition

Hello everyone, Facebook has deleted the Notes feature despite my numerous stern emails, so I've been forced to use tumblr, of all things. Remember tumblr? It's that website that was made for porn. Turns out it's for blogs now. Who knew?

Let's take a trip down memory lane:

2020 - 21/24

2019 - 13/24 (lol)

2018 - Lost to the sands of time

2017 - 17/24

2016 - 16/24

2015 - ???

2014 - 18/24

And sometime in the past I entered some concert to beat Ebert and I got 21/24. This is the current record. It will not be beaten this year, because I ain't seen SHIT. But there's only 23 categories now, so I guess that helps? So let's do this.

Best Actor - This is one of those years where all the wind is blowing behind Chadwick Boseman's back - he is very good in Ma Rainey, and also he's... post-humous. If we can all be honest to ourselves, we know this doesn't hurt your chances. There's also, however, a "no one goes there anymore, it's too crowded" effect where a lot of Academy voters are saying "I know Boseman is going to win, but I voted for Hopkins!" and that was enough for Hopkins to take the BAFTA. I'm going to follow my gut here and say it's still going to be Boseman but this is way tighter than I think anyone expects it to be.

Will win: Chadwick Boseman

Might win: Anthony Hopkins

Should win: Everyone who's ever pretended to give a shit about my Oscar predictions

Best Actress - Probably the closest and hardest to call race of the night since seemingly everyone in this category could win, but I think Frances McDormand's performance wasn't flashy enough for the voters, and Mulligan's is too genre-y to win it too. I think it's going to be Davis by a fucking hair despite the rather limited screentime of this performance.

Will win: Viola Davis (???)

Might win: Mulligan

Should win: Sidney Flannigan for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Best Supporting Actor - I am going to go with Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah, but I'm not as confident about it as other people are. I still think of the Academy voter pool as being old, white, and generally just afraid of the Black Panthers.

Will win: Daniel Kaluuya

Might win: Paul Raci

Should win: Delroy Lindo for Da 5 Bloods

Best Supporting Actress - Yuh-Jung Youn. I feel good about this

Will win: Yuh-Jung Youn

Might win: Glenn Close, maybe?

Should win: I'm okay with Yuh-Jung Youn taking it.

Best Animated - AKA, the award for "Most Pixar" movie, unless of course its 2001, in which you encounter the "Shrekkiest" movie exception. Still, Pixar almost never loses no matter how mediocre and underwhelming their film is.

Will win: Soul

Might win: Wolfwalkers

Should win: That scene in the Simpsons where Marge holds a potato and says "I just think they're neat"

Best Cinematography - L A N D S C A P E S

Will win: Nomadland

Might win: idk... Mank?

Should win: Yeah, Nomadland feels good

Best Costume Design - B L A C K B O T T O M (S?). It's a period piece.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: Mank

Should win: The Golden Globes, for disguising itself as a legitimate organization qualified to give awards

Best Directing - Yeah, I think it's going to Chloe Zhao. So glad she's working on a Marvel movie now. Now THAT is good use of talent.

Will win: Zhao for Nomadland

Might win: Uh... I dont know. Fincher?

Should win: I haven't seen a single 2020 movie I really want to go to bat for, so whatever

Documentary (Feature) - My Teacher's an Octopus! An Octopus Taught Me!? Meet this Octopus: Teachers Hate Him! Taught... by an Octopus!? My Teacher Octopus. Octopus, my teacher. Teach me, Octopus! Octoteach my puss.

Will win: Octoteachapus

Might win: who cares

Should win: i can neither pronounce or spell "dacumintery"

Best Documentary Short - WOW lets throw a fuckin dart at the dartboard because Ive never known the winner of these and I NEVER WILL

Will win: A Love Song for Latasha

Might win: Colette

Should win: WHO KNOWS. NO ONE KNOWS

Best Editing - Ever since Bohemian Rhapsody won this oscar it broke my fucking brain so who knows anymore.

Will win: Trial of the Chicago 7: Revenge of the Sorkin

Might win: Bohemian Rhapsody, apparently

Should win: MY DUDES LETS JUST GIVE IT TO BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY AGAIN LETS MAKE HISTORY

Best Foreign Language Film - DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!

Will win: Another Round

Might win: Quo Vadis, Aida

Should win: How should I know, I don't watch movies with subtitles

Best Make-up and Hairstyling - Is the award for most Make-Up? Because I think Viola Davis is carrying a legit 10-pounder around for Ma Rainey.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: The Milanese Swan

Should win: Me, for "making up" the movie The Milanese Swan. Hahaha get it

Best Music (Original Score) - Not only is Soul a movie, it's the name for a whole genre of music! You can't lose!

Will win: Soul

Might win: Funk

Should win: Jazz

Best Music (Original Song) - I haven't heard any of these songs.

Will win: Speak Now

Might win: Husavik, apparently

Should win: I can neither pronounce or spell the word "moozik"

Best Production Design - To quote myself: "9 times out of 10, the period piece wins." And to add on, the one about Hollywood does too.

Will win: Mank

Might win: Ma Rainey

Should win: WHO CARES. THERES A PANDEMIC. sorry

Best Short Film (Animated) - how would i know, stop asking me! leave my family alone!!

Will win: If Anything Happens I Love You

Might win: In the end, we're all winners

Should win: Sorry, I misread the copy. We're all wieners.

Best Short Film (Live Action) - lol

Will win: Two Distant Strangers

Might win: LITERALLY ANYTHING

Should win: well in my erudite opinion i bleh bleh bleh

Best Sound - Holy shit, they finally admitted they have no idea what the difference is between sound editing and mixing and just smushed them together. Nice.

Will win: Sound of Metal - It's got sound in the name!!

Might win: The Sound of Music

Should win: The Sound of Yo Mama. ayo gotem

Best Visual Effects - Did you know CGI stands for "Can't Get In?" It's named after what yo mama said when she tried to fit through the door to her house. lmao gotem

Will win: Tenet

Might win: i dont know

Should win: this is taking too long

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - OH GOD it's actually hard this year but I think it's going to be Nomadland just because it has the forward momentum for best picture (spoiler). Could be The Father. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't feel so good Mr. Stark

Will win: No, Mad Land!

Might win: ZEE FATHAIR

Should win: Look, I think I've only seen like... 20 movies from 2020, tops. I don't care. Honestly, I'm just happy I'm still alive at this point.

Best Writing (Original Screenplay) - You know, this is starting to feel like a lot of pressure. Like why would I ever be able to predict the Oscars? What do I know? I used to have at least seen the movies, so that gave me an edge. But this year I've barely seen any of these. I'm lost, adrift in a boundless sea. I think it'll be Promising Young Woman.

Will win: Promising Young Woman

Might win: Try Oh Love The Cigar Goes Heaven

Should win: a movie

Best Picture - Weirdly probably the only category of the whole night I feel pretty good about. I've seen Minari, Mank, Nomadland, and Trial of the Chicago 7, which are all varying degrees of good except for Mank which is varying degrees of bad. And Trail of the Chicago 7 which is an hour of good and then a half hour of really bad. Anyways I don't have super strong feelings about any of these movies but Nomadland was good, I think it has the momentum, and despite minimal Oscar controversy I don't think the voters give a shit.

Will win: Nomadland

Might win. Honestly I live in fear Green Book is going to fucking win again somehow. Some fucked up Lala Land/Moonlight scenario where Viggo Mortenson roles up in some old beater and says "woke up dis moooohnin, got some gabbagool" and then walks away with another oscar with a fat cigar in his mouth.

Should win: Green Book. It was very touching

this is the bad place

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