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bluesadansey · 6 months

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emily fields!

Emily Fields

okay the numbering on this looks very weird because I kept having to use extra spaces to get around the words per block of text limit and I’m kind of out of patience to fix it to look better lol so apologies but here is what I wrote for the meme

three facts about them from my personal headcanons: 1. This is going off the canon detail that she really likes horror films but I like to think she developed that interest kind of alongside the A stuff happening (since I think it’s established in the middle seasons). And that she views them kind of in a Dru Blackthorn esque fashion where they’re less scary than her normal life and that makes them comforting in a way.. I don’t have an hc for what her favorite horror movie is because as we know I suck at watching films so I don’t feel like I have enough to go off even though when I do get myself to watch movies I do like horror … I do think she would watch yellowjackets and her favs would be Jackie and Nat and Van <3. And she has a love hate relationship with Shauna. 2. She and Mona made out in 2x19 during their secret rendezvous in the principle’s office to get the blackmail info. Because it pleases me to think that <3. 3. I think she has major abandonment issues between Alison and Maya dying and her dad’s constant absences and then his death post jump and I think it effects the way she approaches relationships throughout the series a lot.

a reason they suck: she can be prideful and stubborn and has commitment issues for days but I adore all those things about her tbh <3. In terms of things that really do bother me though her reaction when learning Maya is bi … really not good you could chalk it up to Pll writers biphobia and that would be true but I also do think there’s something there about ideas Emily’s internalized from growing up with Pam’s views combined with Alison’s behavior to her pre series that’s not an excuse for it just imo a possible explanation that makes sense for the character and her judgements.

a reason they are great: I mean there’s obvious stuff like her being a really kind and loyal and compassionate person and I do love all those things about her but they are pretty obvious so I won’t delve hardcore into explaining them, she’s a really good person. But I see there are being a lot more to her character at least from my perspective. She’s also a character who starts out with a lot of drive and ambition while it’s of a very different type to say Spencer or Aria or Mona’s ambition and she’s characterized as much quieter about it, and who deals with a lot of repressed anger as the series goes on and she experiences a lot of trauma which speaks to me in chars (don’t know what that says about me lol) and can be vmessy in an understated way that I generally enjoy… I love how hateful she gets sometimes lmao like they say she’s the sweet one but she can be fucking savage when a situation calls for it and I love that, there are small petty moments when she’s in a fight with someone that are really fun and then more serious examples with people who absolutely deserve her anger one of the best moments for this being put to use to it’s full potential when she’s the one to go up to Ezra in 4b after the 4x20 reveal to Aria and give him that speech that ends with “and can you make sure a real teacher gets this” I love herrr. Also love that she is a himbo lesbian icon tbh she’s so charming about it <3. She’s so charming in general… I love her

a reason I relate to them: oh I can relate to a fair amount about Emily lol a lot of her feelings about her sexuality in s1 are very real when I think of my teenage self or even my right now self, some things about her family life (in the show not in the books, book! Emily’s family life is… next level terrible omg one thing I am glad the show changed up dramatically). And I have some similar personality traits. I kind of can relate to specific facets of all the main Pll girls except Hanna and Alison in some way but Spencer and Emily the most I’d say

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character: ultimately Spencer/Emily has my heart the most although I do ship her with pretty much every woman of the main cast lol. But Spemily rules imo and it’s so my cup of tea dynamically (chars who seem like opposites (how Spencer is seen as uptight and a leader while Emily is seen as mellow and sweet) but are more similar when you look closely (at how they’re both perfectionists to please their family in different ways, leaders, fiercely loyal, stubborn prideful and competitive, that moment where Spencer says that she can see Emily is ambitious enough to want the team captain position as much or more than Paige does is such a great moment to me because of course Spencer would be the one to see that in Emily…), chars who clash intensely because of those traits but are also very tender with each other in moments that really count and have a lot of mutual respect) also ngl a factor is they’re both sooo pretty all the women on this show are gorgeous but they’re just insanely hot … and then for the ot3 a few dynamics have their moments but most consistently fun and interesting to watch for me is Spencer x Emily x Alison <33. I’ve mentioned before that I’m obsessed with the framing of Spencer and Emily clashing over different views of Ali in 4b and also late s1… also have made jokes before about how much Spencer hates all Emily’s girlfriends lmao (hate is an oversimplification because Spalison’s dynamic is very complex but. When it comes to Emily she doesn’t play lol). That’s specifically show-wise though books wise Emaria is my favorite ship for her I adored the way their friendship was depicted and it had shippy vibes a lot of the time, I ship them in the show too and when they get to interact one on one usually enjoy it a lot but it’s clear the writers didn’t care to focus on their individual dynamic as much as others, which is a shame. Tabby&Imogen’s dynamic on pllos actually to me is more similar to book Emaria in some respects…and I was into the Aria x Courtney x Emily stuff in Ali’s Pretty Little Lies and found that compelling.

five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened: 1. consistently go to a therapist who isn’t just the liars counselor as much as I like Dr. Sullivan (this one would be the first for every liar) 2. She should have had an actual arc post time jump around grieving her dad… it’s absolutely criminal that we just get that scene of her at Wayne’s grave (which is one of Shay’s best scenes on the show imo) and a little lip service done to it in the first couple of episodes but not even a flashback to his funeral… a million Haleb Spaleb Spoby flashbacks a Jaria flashback but not one to one of your leads losing a parent it’s not an exact comparison because anti-blackness specifically was a different factor with how Bonnie was treated in TVD but since I just got to her dad’s introduction in my rewatch and it’s on my mind could kind of draw a parallel to how her losing a parent was a peripheral plot, we saw her reaction in one scene and then moved on to other magical factors involved with her being stuck on the other side vs Elena’s grief about her parents and Caroline’s arc around losing her mom in s6. Like it is telling that on both shows it’s the WoC who doesn’t get the same space for her storyline (different factors again because anti blackness re: Bonnie and homophobia in Pll but .. you get it). But anyway, post jump sets her up as being a much less put together char than pre jump Emily with the dropping out of school and not telling anyone etc. so delving into how unstablized she feels, the ways she might want to emulate her dad (I do think that shows up but not in a very intentional way) and actually letting us see the flashbacks to how this impacted her relationships instead of being told. I actually have had an idea for a while about a fic I’d like to write about this but haven’t felt like I had the time to actually write it although this is making me think about it/want to go back to it again… 3. I don’t think this is controversial Maya should not have died, and Emily’s love life… well that could have gone in different directions and I would have been happy she and Maya could’ve broken up for a while then gotten back together post time jump, or they could have done Emison but actually committed to exploring what’s interesting about Emison instead of the milquetoast end of series Emison, or both of those, if we’re sticking with her canon li’s. I’m not a huge fan of Paily but I wouldn’t necessarily want it to not exist because I think there is some interesting narrative stuff there about what it means to Emily to be Paige’s Alison, for want of a better word. But I do think a lot of their relationship content isn’t that interesting and would have liked it to not be the big ticket ship/soo prominent just based on personal preference. And I would have gotten rid of.. maybe not every girlfriend of the week because I do like that Emily’s a ladykiller but most of them were flops so I’d have gotten rid of a lot of them and/or made them less prevalent. And if I had full creative control I obviously would have wanted her to date Spencer or Hanna or Mona but that also goes more into things I’d change for the other liars so I didn’t include it here 4) her s3 arc (if Maya still dies) should have actually gotten to be about her grieving Maya and how that coincides with A trauma (especially given how brutal she got it in s2 between the carbon monoxide barn and the ointment-induced ulcer and everything, and Mona didn’t kill Maya/isn’t responsible for that but it happened in the same spiral) and not about the Nate mystery… and if there was going to be a plot about transference in grief (which I could totally be on board for!) it should have been with someone who wasn’t Nate… 5) no egg donation mystery plot that leads to weird rapey Emison baby plot … I realize like 4 of those were very obvious things that didn’t merit much explantation and one I ranted about a lot.

five people that character never fell in love with and why: I’ll go with the assumption that she’s only ever been in love with Maya Ali and Paige (yeah I think she did love Paige even if it was maybe a less intense type of love for her than some others and even if it isn’t my favorite dynamic outside of enjoying it as part of a psuedo triangle with Spencer or Ali at different points) when writing this out 1. Spencer - They do clash a lot, I think it would take the right situation for them to have a more stable approach to their dynamic. Alternately I could also see them in a totally unstable situation and getting together in the worst way possible and I would probably love it xd. 2. Hanna — I feel like they could have easily fallen in love if you removed other factors like their other li’s and separated dramas, even though Spemily is my favorite singular ship dynamic I do think Hanna and Emily are ultimately most compatable. 3. Mona — in another life… but in this one they’re too fixated on their blondes. They do have great chemistry the rare times they interact one on one imo and I do choose to believe they made out in 2x19 and that also contributes (aside from the other totally valid reasons) to Emily’s extreme hostility towards her later lol. 4. Jenna - Emily is consistently the most hostile to Jenna out of all the girls which I find interesting (Aria is consistently the most receptive/compassionate towards her which is interesting to me for different reasons) part of it is because she gets close to Toby before anyone I also think Emily is a prideful person who deeply dislikes feeling guilty (even though she has a guilt complex about a lot of things) so Jenna is a sore spot for her. I did always think their actresses had chemistry though. 5. Sara - I mean… there was very little there for me to dig into tbh but ultimately I think Emily saw Sara as a project to fix and needed that post dollhouse because she prefers to be the caretaker, and that’s how I view the relationship/why Emily was so into her when she’s… quite a blank slate before the reveal she’s evil lol. I also think there was potential for some interesting stuff about transference from Ali to Sara but it’s not really in the text especially since Sara doesn’t act much like Ali despite having a similar backstory.

thank you for asking!

#s speaks #emily fields #pll #pretty little liars #asks #retiredficwriter #my meta #tvd for ts #I guess #mutuals

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runthepockets · 8 months

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When I was a little boy, in 2nd or 3rd grade, my mom dragged me to the bathroom of a department store after refusing 4 times in a row to walk any further than we already had. She smacked me upside the head and on my rear till I cried. "You will not fucking embarrass me, not with all these people out here. You will not fucking embarrass me, [DEADNAME]. Apologize for causing a scene." I was in shambles. It was only once so I don't hold it against her, but the way human minds work means I'll never forget, even though I forgive.

I was 11 when I discovered Eminem. I clicked on the song "My Mom", expecting some kind of R&B anthem to motherhood like most rappers. Instead it was the opposite. 5 minutes of a fully grown man putting his mom on blast for being terrible and making him the way he was; 5 minutes of a fully grown man trying to heal the little 8 year old boy still tucked away in his psyche, following him after every woman he'd beaten and every bottle he'd topped off.

As a preteen I was very prone to fighting. I understood dishonesty at the age of 7, I had identity issues until the age of 24. As an adult I have a very intense relationship with alcohol and feel an urge to be in control of every aspect of my life in a way that simply isn't realistic, and is dulled by prescriptions to Testosterone and Fluoxetine; never cured, just dulled, and easier to deal with every day. I rarely, if ever, act on these urges; I know the effect they'll have on the people I love.

I'm 24 now. I have a nice life; a nice job, cool friends, a roommate who I consider family, hobbies that empower me, and every day I find reasons to live in something as simple as a bashful 4 year old hiding behind his mother when she asks him to tell the retail clerk thank you for giving him the free stickers, or the 16 year old girl giggling over a Tiktok with her friends. My go to artist now when I think too hard about my mother is A Perfect Circle. Nevertheless, when I'm drunk, I still listen to that song. The lines "My mom, loves valium, and lots of drugs, that's why I am, why I am, cus I'm my mom!" and "What kinda mother would want to see her son grow up to be an under-fuckin-achiever" live rent free in my mind. Though I'm not quite a drug addict, and though my mother never poisoned my food, I have been hit. I have been berated and shamed and treated lower than a stray dog, and I have felt the urge to make others suffer for my misfortune. Unlike Marshall Mathers, I never act on these feelings. Unlike Marshall Mathers, I have a lot of sympathy for my mother even in the face of all the hatred; but similarly to him, I cannot fucking stand her. There are times when I fantasize about showing up dressed up to her funeral, as any son would for his mother, and ripping loose, exposing her entire history and flipping the bird toward her casket while I laugh in her face. I'm not proud of these fantasies, but child psychology 101 will tell you this is to be expected. Maybe this is why I sometimes ruminate in my childhood admiration for that deeply sick, broken man--- maybe his twisted, tragic narrative spoke truth to mine.

I was 23 last year. In the midst of the Breaking Bad renaissance, I was seeing a lot of memes about how Jesse Pinkman-- the sensitive, affectionate man who shrouds his feelings in a façade of working class toughness and tribal tattoos and Sapphire Longue Hoodies and oversized Roca wear Jeans, because anything less is considered fraudelent in the violent, ambitious, and chaotic world of drug dealing-- effeminate, if you will-- is an oafish trans man who rocks with Eminem. I know most of these posts are jokes at the deprecating expense of a fictional character, but they still make my heart swell.

#just me shit #gender diaries

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fly-you-dam-fools · 8 months

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The Hogwarts Houses as Things I’ve Done:

Hello all! This is the long-awaited not awaited at all post about which Hogwarts House you think I'm in. I've tried to be pretty secretive of it and I don't think I've spilled about it (except to one person, you know who you are) because I've been waiting for this post.

All of this stuff has actually happened to me, some stuff is pretty funny 😂

PLEASE GUESS I'd love to see your take, and once a good number of people have guessed, I promise I'll disclose my Hogwarts House 😉

So, here we begin, in order of the Sorting Hat song in the first book so there aren't any favorites:

Gryffindor

Constantly thinks about all the things you could do to make a situation go wrong

Blasting music in the room and jamming while the family is out

Blasting music in the room and jamming while the family is in

Running around a campground randomly

That Hiccup meme supporting friend 👍

Picks dare at truth or dare and gets in trouble with the school

Constantly had to explain weird situations to supervisors in elementary school

Not liking supervising people because they always blamed stuff on us (the older ones) instead of the real guilty party (people that were younger)

Stashing trinkets behind a tree that’s off-grounds

Pretending the people running behind me are Grievers (the creepy stuff in The Maze Runner movies) to motivate me to keep running, and beat them

Types up an email or message with words that aren’t 100% soft and not-treading and clicks send impulsively

Intrusive thoughts on how long something would take to drop to the ground from a high place (like a small inanimate object)

Jams to video game soundtracks and pretends to be on a quest

Looks at videos on how to do cool sword/lightsaber tricks

Can picture themselves in a music video or dancing a super complicated number

Sends memes to friends constantly

Hufflepuff

Yells “Bless you!” to a person in another room

Initiate conversations with the new kid

Gets secondhand embarrassment from videos

Thinks about doing bad things then thinks about the punishment, then does the bad thing and feels super sorry and apologizes too much only to do the whole thing over again the next day

Gives money I found on ground to higher ups (regrets it later because I could have given it to charity)

Watches video of myself who didn’t reply to someone who said “Have a nice day”, feels bad

Blushes when writing fluff

Thinks fashion moodboards for hogwarts houses should be more varied

Constantly stubs toes on things (same place repeatedly)

Actually takes one piece of candy on Halloween when there’s no one at home

Has seriously never watched a horror movie before, but still enjoys the little thrills in other movies

Makes sure others are drinking water while sometimes neglecting to do the same

Feels bad when unable to make a commitment

Seriously finds old couples/seniors so sweet

Is absolutely and completely distracted as soon as animals enter the picture, and will spend the next 45 minutes staring at a cute little bunny on the grass (at a respectable distance of course)

Always helps people with passing things out

Ravenclaw

Wishing humans could go days without eating or sleeping just to sit in front of a computer and do nothing

Folding clothes neatly only to throw them randomly in the closet

Yells at stupid characters in the movie to do better

Has a large collection of bookmarks

Uses phone as a bookmark because we all know which is more important

Daring other people to do things and never personally playing truth or dare

Reading ahead in class reads while keeping track of who’s talking and where in the book the class is reading

“You know there’s a spell for that right?”

Putting on thinner clothes just to feel that bone-chill to feel free

Falling out of chairs. Constantly. (or sliding off)

Hearing another conversation that you’re not a part of and accidentally reacting to a joke they said

Start a thousand projects but finish none of them

Terrible sleep schedule

Goes off on alone and runs from the friend group an entire day because you want to spend time alone and run because it’s fun

Makes schedules just to not follow them

Starts way too many projects/stories but can’t/doesn’t finish them

Slytherin

Buy plants promising to take care of them only to watch them die with a neutral face

Saying to a friend to not give spoilers to a movie then searching up the plot on Wikipedia

Thinks of ways you could usurp the teacher in class

Rants in an incognito search bar

Searching up motivational quotes just to laugh at them

Makes friendship bracelets for oneself

Constantly either loves google or hates it

Has a rivalry with the internet

Goes to Apple Stores to pull up own website on Safari

Buying friendship bracelets/necklaces but not having anyone to share them with

Racks up accomplishments and certificates but stare at them in woe because they were of the past

Signature look is literally a smirk or raised eyebrow like what do you want from me

Walks around empty places with carefully planted steps, enjoying the echo that sounds across the room

Sits on a throne/chair in that pose occasionally

Is suspicious of everything that someone holds up or interesting suggestions, immediately thinking of the possible bad outcomes and how to avoid them

This actually took me quite some time to compile (from when I first made this account!!), and feel free to reblog with your thoughts and how you relate too! This is just some things I came up with myself and thought what fit into which house~ Just have fun! Please don't repost though.

Tagging some friends because I'd like their opinion, hehe: @softbobamilktae @jinnie-forthe-winnie-recs @silvermistcosmos @jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger

(I also vaguely remember doing a similar thing with asks but I totally forgot what people said (sorry 😭) and I can't find it...)

#moonfly: about me #games #which hogwarts house am I?#The Hogwarts Houses as Things I’ve Done #i'd rather stay at hogwarts

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thegeminisage · 6 months

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tng update time. last night we watched "datalore" together and this morning i caught "angel one" on my own

datalore: not terrible!! i felt really bad for data the entire time of course. kind of delighted to find out he is amnesiac-adjacent in this episode, at least as far as not knowing where he comes from or why. i've gotten used to thinking of him as friend-shaped but lore reminded me of just how creepy he actually does look because he was making the creepy faces

the planet and lab were cool though it was hilarious that one of the pieces was just an ass with the crotch faced away from us to protect data's modesty lol

i liked the bit about data having an off switch.it is ironically such a human vulnerability. we have those too! it's called head trauma.

ik what i said about picard not being a dick anymore but i noticed he IS still a dick sometimes and it's mostly to either wesley (valid) or data (may he DIE). i was glad data told him not to call lore "it" and that he APOLOGIZED. he should apologize to data more often

lore is literally just a data who is better at masking btw. like thats all it is. he thinks using contractions makes him allistic and he's like ha ha look at me i'm better than you meanwhile he has to use a little laser to remove his own facial tick and his special interest is murdering humans and good for him

one thing i HATED about this ep was once again wesley made a valid point and everyone told him to fuck off. meanwhile whenever hes fucking around they let him do whatever he wants. this is making me CRRRAZY. all this stuff about you would have listened to me if i was an adult!! i'll kill the little brat myself

however the episode was immediately rescued by the appearance of this meme:

youtube

which sent me immediately into screaming hysterics because i was NOT expecting to see it in its original format here. i quite literally had to pause the episode and explain this meme to catherine with tears running down my face

angel one: not as bad as the skip/watch lists led me to believe (i didnt have to play it on 2x speed for example) but still pretty fucking terrible. oh what if WOMEN were in charge wouldnt that be WEIRD AND SCARY? meanwhile the women are wearing what pretends to be "no makeup" in 1987 and theyre super fucking hot

i thought that blonde chick was rthe one from tos's backdoor pilot and even looked it up but no she just moves her face the same way

riker's slut outfit really was something. he was such a good sport about it that i thought it was kind of mean of deanna and tasha to laugh at him but considering how women are treated on this show they deserve to actually. tasha especially.

absolutely bonkers that he tried to turn the head woman down and she slept with him anyway. close encounters of the space babes riker version??? quite literally the man said i'm not an object to be seduced and then he got seduced. wild

anyway, the morals of this were all over the place. they cant remove these people bc theyre not bound by the prime directive but they literally are interfering with this planet's system of laws etc...also the fact that like everyone is arguing for gender equality when the genders are reversed is all well and good when they live in a utopian society where genders are equal but we live and star trek was made in the real world where the genders are NOT equal so it just comes out sounding like but what about the meeeeen?? i mean. what about them?? sorry.

i. HATED. the b-plot of this episode. everyone's like oh no i wonder how this virus spreads! and then they allow worf to stay on the bridge while he does those dad sneezes. maybe this episode should have been before the other to explain data's sudden hyperfixation on learning to sneeze lol. like ik all infectious disease media hits different post pandemic but jesus christ we had more sense than that even BEFORE the pandemic

tonight we do 11001001, and then i'm doing the next FOUR on my own...rough.

#personal #tng lb #star trek blogging #ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE KIND OF DEATH YOU'VE EARNED LITTLE MAN?

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emmettsmantiddies · 1 year

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A Goodbye

it’s been literal years since i’ve posted on this account, but i have been thinking about and reflecting upon my time as a Twilight Content Creator™. i’m going to be talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly, so brace yourselves. everything is under the squiggly line.

i started this account to send twilight memes to my best friend and keep them all in one place. I started making silly little memes as a joke, and then kept making them for enjoyment. I was really isolated during COVID, as i have an autoimmune disease, and then i had a lot of major things happen in my real life that caused me to seek even more solace within the fandom and the connections i made online.

i wrote a fanfic, and to this day i’m proud of it. i don’t think i’ll ever make the sequels i planned on, but the door is always open.

i met some amazing people, and was invited into a group. it was one of the first times i felt a sense of belonging and like i was integral to a group. maybe that’s self aggrandizing a bit, but hey, this is a goodbye post, so i should be allowed to, i think.

it’s actually this group that i’ve been thinking about lately. i want to make it clear that my actions and reactions are on me, but that’s it. this will come into play later. this also isn’t about clearing my name or anything like that. i think i need to write this and send it for some closure to myself.

as time went on, i slowly started changing, and not always for the better. i think my real life had a lot to do with it, but it also had to do with me. i was using the group as escapism, and rather than see the group as just that--a group, i treated it like ‘holly and ensemble’ which was incredibly wrong of me. i sincerely regret how self-centered i was at that time. i also look back at who i was and i’m not happy with her. i’ve changed (thankfully) and i truly believe i’m a better person. i took jokes too far, made poor comments, and caused real harm to people i cared about.

but as is common in groups, slowly it becomes more of a hivemind. this group was no exception--and this is not in any way me trying to escape culpability or shade anyone. we were all complicit. a lot of little incidents and grievances piled up without being addressed and boiled over after i made, admittedly, bad and ignorant takes and doubled down on them. by the end of my time there, it was no longer ‘let’s discuss this issue’ but ‘this issue has one answer and if you don’t agree you’re ‘<insert -ism of choice here>’.

once i caused that lid to open, the toothpaste was unconditionally and irrevocably out of the tube. what followed was a messy friendship break up. i take full responsibility for my actions, and have learned and grown in the 2+ years since then. i discussed this incident in therapy lately, and something my therapist told me was that “you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. you are not responsible for other people’s actions.” so while yes, i messed up in a major, major way, a lot of the stuff that went down after my attempts to apologize and do everything in my power to rectify the situation was not on me. that’s hard and honestly scary to admit. because when you have so many people telling you that “you are x, you did y, you caused z” you believe it. especially on the internet.

i gained and then lost a lot of the people i considered friends on the internet. and while that may not seem consequential--as they’re internet friends, a lot of them came into (and subsequently left) my life at a turbulent time. i felt completely isolated after. now i’m sure people will say, ‘boohoo, you said ignorant stuff you deserve that’ but i have a hard time believing that when your friend makes terrible decisions, you just drop them. it’s a lot easier to do on the internet than in real life. it’s also a lot easier to make things fit your narrative. everyone has a narrative. the truth is somewhere in the middle. the fact of the matter is that i was not the only one making those jokes, i was not the only one going hard towards other people, but i was the one who took the fall for most of it (this does not include some of the comments i made, this is about some of the less major things i was called out for). again, i cannot be responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions. i don’t want this to come across as defensive, but after two years i can realize that i was done dirty. if you do not bring something to another person’s attention, they cannot do anything to fix it. period. if you don’t say something because you are too scared to upset someone--that is on you. by the same token, you are not responsible for how someone reacts when you bring something up. you are not responsible for the fallout when you set boundaries and those boundaries are broken.

i’m actually physically shaking writing this. that is how much anxiety and fear i have developed when talking about what happened. i finally had the nerve to read through what people said about me in the tags. regardless of what anyone says, there are two sides to every story. one side may be blatantly right, but that does not negate the fact that there are two sides. the fact of the matter is people will believe the first side to come out because they feel the other party has something to hide. i am honestly terrified of what will happen when i do post this. this group knew everything about me, my name, address, etc. and even though i haven’t been involved with any of them for years, i still have that fear of retaliation. i don’t think they ever would, but i also never thought i’d be in a callout situation (we as a group had discussed on many occasions how we would never do that to each other). i don’t want to minimize the hurt and pain i caused others, but also looking at it from the grand scheme of things, i made some offhand, harmful jokes and statements, doubled down, but then learned from them. that is all you can ask of people. i will not pretend that i am the poster child for ‘what to do when called out’ because again--i was self-centered and unyielding at first. but if we as a whole do not allow people the space to grow, there’s no motivation to change and a fear of being wrong and avoiding tough conversations. that doesn’t mean anyone is entitled to forgiveness, but someone should not be held back from continuing to better themselves.

if i could go back, i would’ve handled the situation differently. i would’ve asked for more time before having a major conversation, as emotions were flying high and the result wasn’t nearly as productive as it could’ve been. decisions i made in the moment were held against me, but the same decisions were seen as justified in other people’s hands.

i have so many good memories from that group, and i still think about them with fondness. i also have bad memories from my mistakes and mishandling of the situation. both can coexist. i want to thank the people of that group and of my broader ring of mutuals (both current and former) for the laughs, conversations, and friendship, however brief it was. to the chat: thank you so much for all of the support you gave me during the hardest time in my life, i am forever grateful for that. i genuinely do not believe that i would be where i am if not for all of you. as strange as it may be, thank you for the call out. i may not agree with the methods, but at the end of the day, it did open my eyes and give me the opportunity for some serious self reflection (not the kind that happens 3 days after a major incident) (that’s a dig at myself) and now i’m a better person because of it. i apologize for all of the pain i caused. i absolutely despise goodbyes, so i will simply wish you peace and happiness and healing in all of your endeavors.

i wish everyone who ever followed me, interacted with me, or glanced at my silly little blog nothing but the best, and i hope that you have grace for those who make mistakes and poor decisions. i will be logging out after i post this, but i will not delete my blog. sometimes i like to reminisce and have a chuckle at the content i’ve made.

For anyone curious about Wilbur, he’s doing well and is still the best menace to society.

Much love,

Holly, formerly known as emmettmantiddies

#emmettsmantiddies #goodbye #mine

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positybity · 9 months

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Definitive Update Post

Okay so I've been delaying making this post for quite a while but I feel it's only right to explain what happened.

First of all my mental health has gotten SO MUCH better over the course of these years and therapy helped a lot, I cannot stress this enough.

I am very glad of where I am mentally rn.

That aside: I am not a system.

I came to this realization about a year and a half ago if not more but other circumstances in my life didn't make it optimal for me to clearly talk about what happened and my experience with my mental health so there I am now.

I'll keep the rest of my story and thoughts under the cut.

I was 18 (2020) when I started believing myself to be a system and so I believed for almost a full year.

That said it was real for me at the time, I was depressed and deeply delusional. Everything felt real to me because I was just that deep in the delusion I had created for myself.

I've always had an internal dialogue instead of a monologue and more than once in my life I have gives said "voice" a name or a face but that, ultimately, is still just the voice of my thoughts.

In the mental state I was in in 2020, when systems were becoming more known as a factor on the internet, it only felt right for me to question whether said voice was really another person, and so I did. And then I started believing it and nobody dared to question in.

The thing about affirmation culture on the internet, and I may be controversial on this, is that it almost feels criminal to question things. So I never did and with time I just fell deeper inside my own delusion. As teens we are extremely gullible and in a fucked up time, like the arc from 2020 to 2022 was, it was extremely easy for me to hide in made up identites to make up for the holes that life was poking through me.

I have a diary written by my "alters" and I can confirm it was real when I wrote it down. Every switch, every conversation, every action was real. It wasn't, in a technical and medical sense, but it FELT real. I don't believe I was ever consciously acting, I was just following what my brain said was real and everywhere I looked on the internet it was all real. People reassured me it was real, posts did, memes did, and I just believed it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe affirmation culture to be important and people should always be supported and not shunned but at the same time I feel like as teens we lack the self awareness to figure out the lies we tell ourselves. Which isn't terrible on its own but can really fuck you up if you don't realize it in time.

Anyways I digressed.

My time as a "system" was not a bad one though. I had support from a lot of people and even if it was all ultimately a lie it felt good, I felt accepted, I felt understood, and maybe at the time that was what I needed. I thank all of the people I was in contact with at the time, deeply. I don't think it makes much sense to apologize for having "lied" about being a system because I myself was not aware of it at the time. What really matters is the time I spent with with these people, even if I may never hear from them again.

When my own lies fell apart I was left with a blank state. I genuinely do not believe I have ever felt more devoid of identity. I was no one because everything I had been had been a lie made up by my brain behind my back, to cope, but still a lie.

It was horrible and what followed was the deepest my depression had ever been. I do not wish such an experience on anyone, ever.

That said, delusions are a terrible thing, and as mentally ill teens (I mean that in the most genuine sense possible, not as a mockery) it is easy to fall pray to our own brain to make up for what we lack in our life. And it's okay, it's okay to stumble and maybe realize that things were not as you think but please.

And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Please be careful about yourself. The backlash of my delusion was deep and recovering was extremely hard. Be supportive of yourself and your identity but never give it for granted. Seek help if possible and be open-minded about it. You may be wrong but there is nothing wrong with that, it's okay, it's a process, you can be wrong and that's okay.

And I think this goes for everything, from self dx to gender and or sexual identities. There are so many factors in our life it's easy to be tricked by our own minds. And sometimes we do get tricked, it's important to not fossilize on ideas we believe MUST be true but question things in a healthy way to find out the truth out brain was shielding us from.

Identities change, we make mistakes. But that's okay: we are not diagnoses, we are not labels, we are deep and complex human beings. Do not make your identity a label or and idea, be you, or yous (if you happen to be plural). Discovery is a journey, label and names just cut that journey in its tracks.

This is my experience based on my mistakes so I understand it doesn't need to be true for everybody, still, I felt it was only right to share.

Again thank you so much and be safe.

Be yourselves and take it slow.

#osdd #osdd system #system #mental health #long post #did #dissociative identity disorder #traumagenic system

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reindeer-dad · 1 year

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I posted 931 times in 2022

That's 637 more posts than 2021!

467 posts created (50%)

464 posts reblogged (50%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@huds-hub

@reindeer-dad

@bodycontainsahumansoul

@framedrawn

@huds-makes-fanart

I tagged 931 of my posts in 2022

#reindeer dad [ ic ] - 190 posts

#out of cookies [ ooc ] - 165 posts

#grey guy [ anons interact ] - 142 posts

#the real deals better! [ fanart ] - 108 posts

#reindeer games [ ic memes answered ] - 97 posts

#big guy [ asgore ] - 85 posts

#tough on everything [ guest muse mrs holiday ] - 79 posts

#youngest softest doe [ noelle ] - 79 posts

#beast and beast [ asgore/rudy ] - 71 posts

#huds speaks [ ooc memes answered ] - 70 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#the fact that this art and this headcanon dropped while i was planning my response to carols real thoughts about the dreemurrs...

My Top Posts in 2022:

Happy Friday!

Here, have the unedited art I made of Rudy being distracted by Asgore’s barrel chest. Can’t blame him.

14 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

Mrs Holiday, can you share your thoughts about the Dreemurs?

See the full post

15 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

@roleplayersoul (continued from here)

“Give a little look, do a little shimmy, wiggle them hips. Or, ya know -- take it easy and just hang around shirtless." Rudy’s wide, toothy smile was infectious, his fluffy little tail in full swing. "Can’t go wrong with me as your audience, big guy. I'm not a picky man!" The mood was light, which he preferred. As a lover, Rudy liked keeping things on the playful side. Carefree laughter was a sign of comfort, and he would respond to his partner with plenty of touches and attentiveness.

Rudy looked at the fluffy paw that fell onto his hand. He drew his gaze upward. Powerful arms that would appear intimidating to somebody who was a stranger to Asgore. White ears peaking from cascades of blonde hair like boulders cutting through the cliff of a waterfall. Soft creases collecting on the corners of his mouth and eyes whenever he laughed and smiled. They say that a loved one is 1000 tiny details combined into one person. Rudy must have seen them hundreds of times over the years. But now, those tiny details affected him differently. He was drawn to them, filling him with a desire of wanting to bring himself as close to Asgore as possible.

...there was no doubt in Rudy’s mind that he was very much in love with his dearest friend.

Gorey had found his way to become a parental figure to his daughters and practically a husband to Rudy. All the hugs, those nuzzles, the hand-holdings. Finding themselves comfortably snuggled against each other at night. It wasn’t just friendly tenderness anymore - it meant something, right? What they had was so special, it was more important than any physical desire he had.

But God damnit, Rudy wanted this. Sure, the ol’ reindeer wasn't shy. But the years afforded him to be wise enough to not jeopardize an important relationship for a chance to roll in the sack.

He decided, then and there, that if Asgore showed any signs of pulling away, he’d retract, apologize, and never ever attempt to come onto his friend again.

Rudy’s hand remained under Asgore's paw. His smile softened as his free hand brushed along the side of the larger man's face. "You mean so much to me..." He spoke sincerely as Asgore’s soft eyes gazed at the shorter man. They were always - always - so full of warmth for him.

"Wouldn't do a thing to mess up what we have..." A simple, soft caress down the blonde beard, his thumb grazing over the creases of the other’s face.

Rudy’s hand found itself at the center of Asgore’s chest. He could swear Gorey’s heart was pounding under his palm. "Can't describe it...” His smile lifted playfully, now brushing his hand in short strokes. "...but I ain't pullin' out a dictionary for something I can just show you...”

17 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

It's here...

I'll upload individual, higher quality pictures tomorrow (this picture is terribly compressed...)! Thanks, that was fun!

Berdly, having a feather-ruffling day - @inquireanerdyberd Undertale Asgore, AKA "Papa Gorey" - @roleplayersoul "Oops-I-created-a-Dark-Fountain" Kris - @klairdelune Holiday Blues Dark World Rudy, Hammer of Justice Nails - @deltaruneholidayblues Jaded!Ralsei, ready to stab yo ass - @princewithoutakingdom sans, sans-ing everywhere - @withoutcomedy

19 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@roleplayersoul‘s Asgore offering you some fruitcake for the 150 Follows Special. His extra-squishiness was inspired by @mooniimystic‘s fanart. Stitching the sweater pattern onto the picture was a pain in the ass, but it was 100% worth it!

Deer and goat. Asgorudy. ASGORUDY!

19 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #utdr rp #out of cookies [ ooc ]#i interacted with bodycontainsahumansoul the most #go check them out. theyre great!#also squishy asgore had the best year #(how did the saucy thread get on the list? *sweats*)

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corvinearcher · 1 year

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D -- > I would just like to take a quick second to apologize to you all about my uploading bs. If I'm being 100% honest, I don't really even draw Homestuck anymore. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I WON'T IN THE FUTURE, OR THAT THIS BLOG IS GOING TO GHOST. But what it does mean is I have been focussing on other things lately. My story, my band, everything currently. And I feel terribly awful about it.

D -- > I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder AND ADHD all in one. So when I'm not in the mood about something, I'm.not.in.the.mood. I barely think of Homestuck anymore, and while it does feel shitty, I know I'll be back to it very soon.

D -- > That being said, I wanted to thank you all for putting up with my shit<3 I reached over a HUNDRED followers through my shitty ships and art and I am so grateful at how nice you all are. Every notif about a reblog I speed open my phone to see what y'all think and it makes me so happy. So I'm very very sorry most of my posts are pretty half-assed or are repetitive.

D -- > I still love homestuck and I LOVE THIS BLOG and this little blue corner of this app that we've all made. I can't wait to have new ideas and memes to make about homestuck and I swear, the second it's back im running here to force y'all through it, too.

D -- > Until then, besties. It's gonna be a buncha shit posts, rambles, and OC content. Love you all, and thanks for putting up with it,

C.A.

#homestuck

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mail-me-a-snail · 2 years

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Bill/Holden for domesticity meme!

bill/holden - answering the rest of the meme here !

big spoon/little spoon - bill is the big spoon, holden is the little spoon, bill has a really strong grip when he's asleep, so holden resigns to his fate as the designated body pillow every night.

favorite non-sexual activity - MUSIC. they like going to the local music store and buying tapes and spending the rest of their free time listening. while listening to music isnt' in and of itself an activity, per se, they do dance to the boppier tapes <3

who uses all the hot water - HOLDEN. my primadonna needs the hot steam to look ~fresh~

most trivial thing they fight over - who's driving. while it's more of a matter of who gets to be chivalrous today, they also poke fun at each other's "terrible" driving.

how often do they fight - occasionally, though not all out rows. they just have a lot of stress built up from work and they each have the bad habit of relieving it through petty arguments. at worst, they'll give each other the silent treatment until one or the other comes to their senses and apologizes. they're...working on it, at least?

who does most of the cleaning - im gonna say it: theyre both men. but no, fr, i think bill would be the one to take care of the house. holden is the kind of boyfriend to do the laundry.

who has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue - i genuinely don't know what a season pass on a dvr entails, but this is the early 80s, so...i think holden would have control over the movies they watch. with his lack of knowledge in cinema, he goes with whatever poster looks the most interesting.

(skipping the landlord question bc holden's the one who lives in an apartment)

who leaves their stuff around - bill has so many miscellaneous trinkets that they just tend to pile up somewhere. holden, on the other hand, doesn't have much in the way of possessions and is very neat about the few objects that he does have (when the executive dysfunction permits him to do so, that is).

who remembers to buy the milk - holden. the man smells like milk and he constantly reminds bill they both need it for their "old bones".

who cooks normally - despite being cis males from the 70s, im pretty sure they can both cook. how well and how grand is another question entirely. but holden seems like he'd make for a good cook, even though the first time we see him make something, it's a raw egg in a protein smoothie.

domesticity ask game post here

#bill/holden #asks #my scrunglies...#i was going to call holden a housewife #but the thought of him in a frilly apron did something to my brain #ask game #long post

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playhanafuda · 2 years

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hanafuda’s RP rules (updated 2022-08-22)

Mun Info:

I am 22 years old and go by hanafuda, S.p.A., or simply Mun. You can find me on Discord, @hanafuda#5434.

1. This is an independent, private, and selective roleplaying blog. I reserve the right to choose whom to interact with. It is preferable that we are mutuals (my main blog is @hanafuda-s-p-a) if we plan to write together; this gives me peace of mind.

a. I wish to stress that my main blog is not a personal blog. It is a hub for my RP sideblogs, and a place for me to post updates related to those sideblogs. If you are nonetheless the type of person who blocks main blogs, then I will not interact with you.

b. If I follow your blog, then I am interested in writing with you. I will send you an ask stating that I have read your rules and checked out your muse bio(s)/list.

i. I have a terrible memory. I often forget whom I’ve already reached out to. If I send you the same message more than once, I apologize in advance; it is not my intention to annoy you.

c. This blog will be safe for work. No NSFW content will appear on it. It follows that I wish to avoid NSFW content. If you post lewd or NSFW content, and do not tag or hide either, then I will most likely not interact with you.

d. If you are a mutual, then feel free to send in starters (your own or starters from roleplaying memes (tagged #rp memes).

e. Even if you are not a mutual, you can still send questions (your own or questions from ask memes (tagged #ask memes) for either me or the muse to answer. I encourage you to do so, as I enjoy answering these questions.

f. I do not do starter calls, welcome starters, or M!As. I may post open starters (tagged #open starters), which will be for mutuals only (though more than one blog may turn one of these open starters into a thread). Dash commentary (tagged #dash commentary) posts will also serve as open starters, subject to the rules above.

g. I will not take any part in any sort of community drama, and no callout posts will be reblogged here.

2. Standard roleplaying rules apply, and standard roleplaying etiquette is expected (no godmodding, forcing ships, metagaming, etc.); and I will attempt to the best of my ability to follow the same.

a. I reserve the right to decline to roleplay a certain topic, genre, or event, including one from a roleplaying meme; it follows that I may decline to answer certain questions.

b. No smut will appear on this blog, as per rule 1b above.

i. Light nudity and gore may appear at my discretion, assuming agreement with the other partner, but only for muses who are adults (18 years of age and older).

c. This blog is AU and OC friendly, and multiship (that is, all ships take place in their own alternate verses). I am also open to interacting with muses from other fandoms, of course.

i. Ships can either be pre-arranged or built up through chemistry, as long as I approve of them.

3. I will inform you if I wish to drop a thread, and be honest with you about my reasons. I hope that you can extend the same courtesy to me.

a. Feel free to remind me about replies if we are interacting. I will try to be as active as possible. I will let you know if I am getting annoyed.

4. I can RP in Spanish, and can translate my rules or any info pages for you if you request. Le puedo traducir algo compa

5. That’s all. While I might be private and selective, don’t be afraid to say hello; I will attempt to be lenient in enforcing these rules.

a. I will announce any changes I make to my rules page in the future.

b. No password is necessary for interacting with me. I will send you passwords if you require them for us to interact.

c. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have regarding these rules.

#update #important

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more-than-a-princess · 2 years

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@awesomeuchuu asked: Hihi! #22 and 23 for the munday meme? ^-^

@causalitylinked asked: 22. What do you think are your roleplaying strengths and weaknesses? [ happy birthday by the way! i hope your day has been wonderful so far because you deserve it. ]

Nosy Munday Questions meme - Accepting (Because trying to write real replies is futile rn because presents and healthy birthday dinner are coming! I’m at an age when I get excited about salads. But to be fair, it’s a really good salad...)

22. What do you think are your roleplaying strengths and weaknesses?

In no particular order, I’ll list what I think my strengths and weaknesses are:

Strengths:

- Experience. Not just in writing and roleplaying itself, but handling conflicts and issues with muns/the RPC as they’ve come up. I’m basically too old to fight with people about fictional characters and care far more about my RP partners having fun with our threads. If a reply/thread/dynamic isn’t working for you? I’m much more likely to want to talk it out with you or start something new instead of complain. RP drama isn’t worth getting upset over.

- Give me a prompt and I can write a novel. Yes, some prompts/interactions do leave me stumped because my muse(s) may not be as close to yours or we may just have different writing styles, but usually I can come up with something for my partner to reply to.

- Patience. Do you have stuff going on offline or just don’t feel like writing today? You don’t need to apologize to me about it, don’t worry. I get it. I’m a little more concerned if you’re writing with most/all of your mutuals except me, but if you have a hiatus or just a rough day/week/month/etc? Seriously, I don’t mind: take the time! I’d rather have you wanting to write with me instead of pushing through.

- Quality over quantity. You’re never going to see me take on more asks and threads than I can handle, and then deciding to jump to a new blog to start over, get too many asks, rinse and repeat. That’s just not my style. Now, there’s some prompts that I literally have no idea how to respond to and I will delete those, but I’ll never be someone who needs to have something constantly in my inbox.

- If you have an obscure muse from an older anime (aka. series that are pre-2000s), I may very well know the muse/the series. A lot of my favorite anime franchises are older series!

- When I choose to follow a blog, the first thing I look for is the IC writing on it. I don’t care much about your graphics, your icons, aesthetics, and to a degree, who you already write with on here (Though finding new mutuals through current mutuals has brought me some wonderful friends, I’ll admit!). I care about how you write your muse: writing style, post frequency, types of interactions you’ve got going already, etc. That’s going to be the number one thing that makes me hit the follow button.

Weaknesses:

- I can get very focused into my thread replies or other aspects of my RP ‘to-do’ list. While I like to keep to a schedule and make sure my writing partners aren’t waiting too long to continue threads, if I feel like I’m maxed out on creativity with the current threads I have, I’m much less likely to send asks/like starter calls for new threads.

However, if you’re sharing OOC/headcanon/very short interaction memes or dashcomm? I’m much more likely to jump in on that when I’m catching up on my current threads and IC asks.

- Going along with the above: I don’t get into OOC chitchat (unless it’s plotting) when I’m focused on writing. Trust me, it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you at all when you message me with OOC conversation and I don’t reply right away. But if I’m around, I may just be deep into a particular thread or reply and it’s frustrating for me to not finish it. I’m terrible at keeping up OOC conversations while trying to write IC at the same time.

I apologize for not being the chattiest person most of the time. Often, I’m just not sure what to say unless I’ve found something that applies to our muses. But I’d really like to do better where this is concerned!

- I’m uncomfortable, and therefore awful, about sending unprompted or random IC asks. This is a personal preference: I can find random thread prompts to be stressful when I’m already working on a bunch of thread replies, but I also understand that many of my mutuals don’t agree with this line of thinking and that getting random asks may make them feel more welcome and engaged here on tumblr.

Now, I just need to get over thinking “I hope this IC ask doesn’t sound stupid/they actually want to answer this.” I also find sending NSFW asks a bit awkward unless we have muses who are sexually active with each other, so again, it’s not that I don’t like you if I don’t participate in those memes: it’s just awkward and uncomfortable for me. To me, it feels like I could be forceshipping a ship on someone if I’m asking about a muse’s sexual preferences if my muse isn’t already in a ship or planned ship with them.

- I’m particular/specific/picky about the type of RP I want to do on here. More or less, I know what sort of RP makes me happy and inspired to write, which is the whole reason why I’ve got an RP blog in the first place. Namely, I’m looking to write with fellow writers comfortable and eager to write multi-para and/or novella threads, long-term interactions (and ships, for that matter), who are okay with leaving one liner/one paragraph RP to additional dashcomm if we feel like it.

I just get bored/uninspired with one-liner/short RP threads as the main interactions/story with other blogs. For crack and random, established interactions? Love it, but not as the bulk of my threads.

- I can write. A lot. I can ramble to the point of drabbles...a lot. Especially with Sonia and this particular blog, I have a ton of headcanons, history, lore, NPCs, you name it, and I love throwing them into various threads and interactions where it makes sense. But this can be draining, boring, or possibly even godmodding, and I apologize for that. Please, please rein me in if it’s too much. I don’t mind!

23. Is roleplaying more of a job or a hobby to you?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer:

I think it’s a bit of both. It can become a bit of a job due to how much I run my account with a marketing mindset: I want to post consistently, at expected times of the day, during which most of my mutuals will be online and interacting. I live and die by the queue, and don’t do too much spontaneous threading outside of dashcomm/sillier memes and asks. It can also feel like a job when I just don’t have any ideas for either asks to send or how to answer an ask or thread. I need to remind myself I’m not being paid to do this and that it’s okay to step away for awhile!

But I do worry about mutuals thinking I’m avoiding/disliking them by not sending or replying to every prompt, and quickly. I’ve noticed that part of the RPC is very much about instant gratification when it comes to answering asks, thread replies, etc. and I prefer to take my time. I tend to think replies in 48 hours or less is very quick/almost too fast, but for others in the RPC this can seem like a lifetime.

It’s more of a hobby when I really feel engaged in the threads I’m writing. That’s not a slight against someone over others, either. With RP, I’ve found that you just click with some muns more than others: maybe the characters play well off each other, maybe each other’s writing styles really work together well, and/or the muns have an easygoing rapport OOC to plot, chat, etc. If you’re lucky, you get all three!

I’m not a multi (by choice!), so there’s always going to be muses and writing styles that just give me more inspiration for interactions with Sonia than others. It just is what it is. That said, I do try to challenge myself by writing with a lot of different muses and fandoms/franchises: it helps me from getting stuck in a writing rut.

#more-than-a-princess musings #more-than-a-princess answered #awesomeuchuu #causalitylinked #(Nosy Munday Questions meme)#(Thank you for the asks! I tend to be more aware of my weaknesses than strengths)

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mortallynervousgardener · 1 year

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Monday

QOTD: What's your moment embarrassing moment during a time of intimacy?

Mine was today and I've never just wanted to throw myself from a building so bad in my entire life. It was just that bad, we're about to get down to business and we're just chatting because I talk to ease my mind about things, you know? I'm a little new to the sex scene after all... (definitely some details I'll be dishing out later on) and of all things to say, I make a comment about roast beef.

Yall?

WHY DID I NOT KNOW ROAST BEEF WAS AN INSULT?!?!

and now I feel terrible because I've accidentally called someone vag!n@ roast beef when I didn't even mean it like that, I just thought that's what you say when it's brown???? I have some regrets about my life, but what more can I do?!?!? I apologized and they went home, it's out of my hands now. But, on the other hand. Let's talk about men (a small disclaimer, I am a nonbinary pansexual who has never had sex with a guy, my first was literally the person I accidentally called roast beef and I can't stop thinking about it... I really want to crawl into a hole and try to will myself outta existence... Like Plankton when he was trying to think too hard)

Anyway, men. One of my best friends on campus (more info: I am a college student, and the actual drama that goes on is ridiculous. sometimes you can absolutely tell that everyone here just got out of high school because the way that they act is just WILD, but I digress) one of my best friends' boyfriend is being really shitty. I'll never understand why guys act like it's so hard to break up with a girl when they feel they need to instead of stringing her along and making her feel like there's hope for something when he's seemingly already made up his mind! Like come on, so for the past few months now my friend, we'll call her Serena (named after serena from gossip girl because I've been binging it lately teehee), her boyfriend has just been acting really off. I really wish i could go into detail about all of these things (how they met, what's going on, etc etc., it's important lore but all in good time I guess?) because, sometimes it baffles me how much my college life is actually like the movies???? Like I kid you not guys, it's wild. Ever been to a college Halloween house party? Ever seen one in the movies?

My first one was the previous Halloween and in true cliche freshman college student classic, I was a sexy angel and I got absolutely hammered. The person I was talking to at the time (same person, we're not dating and I'm fine with that. I can't handle the heat so I'll stay outta that kitchen), had to be called because there was some guy that kept following me around the party while I was literally on the brink of passing out, that's how drunk I kinda was. But, that's only one of the best things, shortly after I'd had to leave (my friends decided it was time to go because the party was dead and we were all drunk and bored, not me tho I was enamored by my "friend(we'll call them Pepe from now on, like the meme)" like I was happy to have them around. I'd invited my friends from another college to meet up with me at that party, but they didn't get there until I had to go. So, I'm on my way back to campus and a good 15 minutes into the ride, I go on snapchat just to see that the girl who shares the boarding house (idk what it's called, it belongs to the college I think and they live there) with the host of the Halloween party, her boyfriend is posted up trying to fight someone for flirting with his girlfriend!

There's always so much drama and so much shit going on, so I decided to maybe start blogging as an outlet? Does anyone still read those? Like honestly, I'd like to know. I've been binging gossip girl lately and that's something that made me want to get into it again. My other blog is a book review blog, but no one cares for that one right now.

I am however going to steal gossip girls' thing soooo

After all this you're probably wondering who i am and what in gods name im even talking about, but that's a topic for next time.

Until then, xoxo Myth <3

Alright, future Myth here and i just want to say, I'm literally in the middle of setting up my blog right? and i go to make food and I come back and check my phone to see a missed call from pepe so I call back and it goes to VM >:( I can't be mad because I get it, they're probably not going to come over for another month again but hot damn.

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phantomrose96 · 3 years

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I apologize if this is an odd question but I'm curious. How did you get into Danny Phantom as a fandom? And what kept you around?

I didn't get into the Danny Phantom fandom. Danny Phantom got me into fandom.

Danny Phantom was my favorite show growing up, and I would still revisit it every couple years even as a teen. I liked playing around with what-ifs for the show in my head, just without knowing other people were doing that too.

When I was like 14, I knew the concept of fanfiction existed, but all of my exposure to it had been "it's all terrible Mary Sues and Self-Inserts." This was before fanfiction.net let you sort by anything beside most-recently-updated.

Then somehow (linked through something?) I found Lab Rat. and my angsty little 14 year old eyes were opened. There was GOOD fanfiction and it came with a metric fuckton of angst? (The very first piece of fanfiction I tried to write was a Lab Rat sequel, it just never really worked). This also led me to discover Cordria and I was hooked.

On a whim, 14-year-old me decided to throw my hat in the ring, and I wrote a gracelessly angsty 80,000 word DP fic based on a Cordria one-shot. It wasn't originally going to be 80,000 words. It was just a chapter or two I'd banged out as a Word doc sitting on my computer that I decided to post, and I was so starry-eyed seeing a handful of people engage with it that I kept going.

Then I kinda chilled for a year or two. In the meantime Phantom of Truth started publishing, which just reinvented all of my standards for everything fanfiction. That fic was extremely formative for the kind of angst writing I like to do.

When I was 16-ish (around 2013), I got back into another of my "rewatch Danny Phantom every couple of years" cycles. This time a friend had recently been trying to get me to join tumblr (not for fandom, just for tumblr), so I had the idea of checking if there was any kind of DP fandom on tumblr. Lo and behold it WAS and it was extremely active.

@kikaiz (ectolime at the time) was spear-heading a lot of the content. For a few weeks I was just silently scrolling the tag and her blog, until I had something I wanted to say about Ghost Speak so I made a blog to chime in.

It was just a really excellent fandom environment to jump into? Tons of fresh ideas being worked through, and always super collaboratively. Someone would coin something, and then a bunch of artists and writers would jump in to contribute. I hadn't written anything in a while, but decided to dust that off and join back in, which was a great time since there was so much interaction and back-and-forth (and a lot of yelling when angst was involved). Ghost Speak. Ghost Hunger. Lancer angst. Bloodblossom headcanons. Dannyversary prompts. Phanniemay. Everything was super interactive and super collaborative and a lot of fun.

It's actually kind of surprising how... uniquely good it is for that kind of engaged fandom experience? Many other fandoms I've dabbled in have been much more stand-offish, or isolated, or focused too much on canon or too much on shipping, or have only a handful of people producing all the popular content that everyone else silently consumed, (or one side of the fandom gets mad at the other side and tries to rip them apart by the throat not that thats ever happened to me nope. three year hiatus whom?).

I kinda come and go in the Phandom, and I think the Phandom itself waxes and wanes through periods of activity, but the fact that it's still going strong is amazing, and in a pretty similar spirit just with different darlings now (Wes, focus on the Casper High kids, Wes, cool redesigns, Wes). I definitely fell out for a period of time when things got super meme-y since that's not really my style, but I'm basically a cat, just leave the door unlocked and I'll wander in and out at my leisure. There's just such a hard-hitting passionate creativity that Phandom people throw into their content and like, nearly every day I see something new cross my dash that just slaps me across the face.

Also a ton of my closest, long-time friends are people I met through the Danny Phantom fandom way back in the day. As I'm typing this I'm watching Discord notifications pop up from the author of Lab Rat talking about her fish tank, all very full circle!

#ask #dp

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applerubyy · 3 years

Text

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”.

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever.

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so.

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt.

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment.

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you.

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else.

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D. Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out.

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did.

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress.

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people.

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing.

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin.

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America.

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip.

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers imagine #captain america imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #loki x reader #loki imagine #tony stark #steve rogers x y/n #captain america x y/n #steve rogers fanfiction

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