#my food without hating it or not want to waste money on food i either know i wont eat or is very likely i wont eat.

[fanficimagery]

The Nanny

When babysitting your neighbor's kid, trouble seems to find you.

Author's Note: SOA AU - No Tara, Clay, or Gemma. Trigger warning for violence! This was supposed to be up for Valentine's Day, but as you can see... that wasn't the case lmao.

Charming, California is one of those picture perfect little towns where everyone tries to be prim and proper, and act like their shit doesn't stink. And in the short time that you've lived here, you quickly realized that the law-abiding citizens hated the fact that Charming was home to a MC, the Sons of Anarchy.

It doesn't bother you to see them riding down the streets as you're out and about, but you do find it hilarious that a majority of the locals either gasp in outrage upon seeing the bikers or avoid them at all costs. You find the bikers very easy-going, but then again the club president is your neighbor.

Jax Teller had taken it upon himself to introduce himself when you were moving in, carrying boxes for you and flashing a rather charming smile as he pumped you for information about yourself. You knew what he was doing, and it was rather laughable, but you had nothing to hide and were a rather boring person, so you gave the information freely. Between the two of you, he was more interesting as a MC president whereas you stayed home and lived off the money your brothers made. Jax seemed interested in what your brothers did for a living that they were able to provide you with the life you have, but you explained they made their money because of the family business that provided private security for celebrities and individuals with a high profile. You helped them with scheduling, but they still did a majority of the work.

Finding out Jax has a son (Abel) makes your heart warm towards the biker, and then warm up to the club when his brothers visit every now and then. Juice was really just a goofball when he wasn't doing business for the club, Chibs was a secret sweetheart, Tig was a little crazy, Happy was hard to read, but it was Opie who was the most normal of the bunch.

You settle into your home quite nicely, working from your little office when your brothers need help to prevent any scheduling conflicts. Then in your downtime, you either have a book in hand or waste time on your gaming system. Jax and his brothers have been over a couple of times, drinking a beer to wind down or eating whatever leftovers you happen to have after you've already eaten.

This morning, however, you've just finished making breakfast when there's a knock at your front door. With a strip of bacon in hand, you answer the door and are surprised to see Jax and his son Abel standing there.

"What's up, Teller?"

He immediately smiles and your eyes narrow. "I hate to do this on such short notice, but my nanny canceled. Do you think you could watch Abel for the day?"

You glance down at the blonde boy, shrugging. "Is he cool staying with me?"

Jax glances down and nudges his son, but Abel merely asks, "Do you have more bacon?"

You open the door wider as you chuckle. "Sure, kid. You want some eggs and hashbrowns too?"

"Yum."

Abel walks into your house without a care in the world and you meet Jax's amused gaze. "So are there any rules I should abide by? Are you one of those dad's that limits screen time or bans sugar?"

"Nope and nope. No allergies either."

"Cool."

"Thank you. I owe you."

As Jax starts to walk down your porch steps, you say, "I'm a slut for food, Teller. Bribe me with food and I'll say yes to anything."

"Anything?" He peers over his shoulder and arches an eyebrow. You scowl at him.

"Almost anything."

Jax laughs. "Don't cook tonight then. I'll bring some cheeseburgers and fries from this diner that makes pretty good food."

"Alright."

. .

. .

When Jax returns later that night, Chibs and Happy follow after learning he was picking up food from the diner. What surprised them, however, was that while Jax parked in his driveway, he started taking the food to his neighbors house. But Chibs, nor Happy, said a word and followed their president with their own food when he didn't protest.

Jax is poised to knock on the door when he hears, "Don't you- don't you dare do it, kid. If you do it, I will personally wait until you turn seventeen to kick your little ass." The words give Jax pause because what the actual fuck! But then Abel's giggling makes him grin.

"Did she just threaten to kick Abel's ass, Jackie?" Chibs wonders, smirking.

"I think so."

"No, no, no! You blue-shelled me?! You're like two. How do you even know how to play this?!" Jax snorts and finally knocks. The trash talking suddenly ceases before… "It's open! If you're friendly, welcome! If not, I got a little ankle biter in here and I'm not afraid to sic him on you!"

Jax laughs some more and enters the house, walking to where he hears all the commotion. Walking into the living room, he can't help but smile at the sight of YN and Abel sitting side by side on the couch, attention focused on the TV where they're apparently playing Mario Kart.

"You bring the goods, Teller?"

"Burgers and fries as promised."

"You are currently my favorite Teller." Still your attention is on the TV, your trash talking his kid being kept very polite all of a sudden. Jax, Chibs, and Happy have no idea what's going on, but suddenly one of the characters is spinning out because of a banana peel and then Abel's giving a long, suffering sigh as the other character passes the finish line. "Yes!" You jump up, pointing down at Abel. "Sucks to suck, kid. Now come on. Your pop's got the goods."

When you finally look up at Jax, you momentarily freeze when you see Chibs and Happy there as well. "Oh. Hey, guys. Kitchen's this way."

Everyone follows you into the kitchen and you immediately grab drinks from the fridge. When you turn around, Jax is divvying up some food for himself, Abel, and you. You pass out the beers to the men and you have cans of Sprite for yourself and Abel. Then as you take the last remaining available seat since Jax kept Abel on his lap, you thank Jax for the food before digging in.

"So did you have fun today?" Jax asks his son.

"Yeah. I got to color and watch TV and play games."

Jax glances at you and you shrug. "I made do. I would have gone to the store to pick up some stuff for him, but I didn't know if you'd feel comfortable with me taking him anywhere."

"I appreciate that."

"So what about you? Is your nanny good or will you need another favor?"

"Uh, she actually might be out for a few more days."

You nod. "I can do it. Is it cool if I take him to the store with me tomorrow morning? I forgot how much little kids snack throughout the day."

"Yeah. I have an extra car seat you can use and I'll leave you some cash."

"Nah. Don't even worry about it. I'll be snacking with him, so I can front the bill."

But still, cash ends up thrown onto the table from both Chibs and Jax. You have a feeling it'd be useless to argue, so you say nothing.

After dinner, Jax helps you clean up before they all take their leave. He tells Abel to tell you goodbye and your heart absolutely melts when you crouch down, and Abel hugs you.

You visibly melt as you hug the little boy back and then pull back to tweak his nose. "Okay, you're officially my favorite Teller again."

Abel smiles at you as Jax laughs and then you bid everyone goodbye at the door.

Abel ends up preferring your company to that of his nanny, so Jax ends up splitting his son's time between the nanny at his house and you at your own house when you have nothing going on.

On this particular day, after a lunch of sandwich and chips, you and Abel are lounging in a kiddie pool right in the middle of your front yard. You even went as far to put up a canopy to have the pool half in the shade and half in the sun, and are soaking in a sports bra and a pair of black tights that look like shorts.

You're sitting in the shade, sipping on a juice box as Abel stands on the other side playing with water blasters. You hear the rumble of a motorcycle, unsurprised to have Jax checking in.

As the blonde walks up, you smile innocently as he laughs. "Where did the pool come from?"

"The store." You shrug. Abel takes the moment to load up his blaster with lukewarm water and shoots his dad with it. Jax doesn't bother dodging the stream. "We saw a commercial for the waterpark and since we can't go there, I brought the water to us."

Wiping water from his face and using it to slick his hair back, Jax crouches next to the pool and asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"Not a cent, Teller." You sip on your juice, grinning. "I haven't been in one of these since I was a kid. This is for me as much as it's for Abel. He just gave me the excuse of getting one and chilling in it without looking like an idiot."

"Well I don't know about that…"

He trails off and you gasp in mock outrage. As he laughs, you say, "You're lucky I respect the kutte and the fact that you have a phone in your pocket somewhere. If I didn't, I'd drag your butt in here with us."

"Next time." Jax splashes his son and then stands before Abel can shoot him point blank with water. "Am I grabbing dinner tonight?"

"Nah. Abel already made a request. He wants chicken tenders and fries."

"And what the little man wants, he gets?"

"Obviously." You roll your eyes playfully. "Plus, it's an easy meal and I enjoy it too."

"Alright." He chuckles as he starts making his way back towards his motorcycle. "Don't stay in the pool too long."

"Yes, sir." You mockingly salute him, lips twitching when you see him momentarily tense before relaxing once more. "See you later."

. .

. .

It's past Abel's bedtime by the time Jax makes it home, and already he's prepared for his kid to either be bouncing off the walls or very cranky. But as he nears YN's house, he notices that it's mostly dark. All the lights are off with the exception of the porch light and a couple of lamps he can see through the windows that peer into the living room. And the TV, of course.

Instead of knocking, he lets himself right in. It's almost too quiet, but he can hear the TV playing rather low in the living room. Heading there, he walks up to the sofa and can't help but smile at the sight that greets him. YN is laid out across the sofa with Abel on her chest, his back to her front. Both are knocked out cold.

Without second guessing himself, Jax pulls out his phone and snaps a quick photo. Chuckling to himself, he then walks around the sofa as he pockets his phone and crouches down. "Hey. YN," he gently calls out while shaking her shoulder.

It takes a few shakes before you wake, sleepily humming until Jax's voice coaxes you until you're fully awake. Your arms wrap around Abel on instinct and when you notice Jax's smirking presence, you relax. "What time is it?" You mumble.

"A little after ten."

"Really? Fuck. I guess the sun really did kick my ass if I'm this sleepy."

"Yeah." Jax chuckles and then carefully starts to gather Abel in his arms. "Sorry about showing up so late."

"Don't even worry about it." You sit up, rubbing your eyes and yawning. "You know I adore your kid." As you follow Jax to the door, you remind him about going away for a week and not being able to watch Abel, but that you'll have your phone on if Abel wants to talk.

Jax laughs. "I swear, my kid loves you more than me sometimes."

"It's only because I'm a better cook," you muse.

Jax opens his mouth to argue, but ends up shutting it and shrugging. "You're not wrong there."

As Jax then exits your home, you bid him goodnight and watch until he disappears into his home.

When you explained to Jax that your brothers made their money because of the family business that provided private security for celebrities and individuals with a high profile, you weren't lying. Nor did you lie when you also explained you helped them with scheduling for said high profile individuals.

What you chose to leave out, however, was that your family had such a great record with security because no one wanted to fuck with a family who had connections to two different cartels through your dearly departed parents.

However, before you settled into the calm life of personal security, your brothers made a name for yourselves as ruthless hitmen amongst the cartels and you… you were a little unhinged when you were caught up in the moment as one of their torturers. You worked for the cartels when they needed you to, but when you and your brothers wanted to distance yourselves, it was the cartels who helped set up your security business.

The week spent with your brothers is just to visit and catch up with those who all three of you came to see as uncles. It was most definitely not supposed to end up with you being caught off guard by a fist to the face. Someone who didn't know all what you were capable of took advantage of the fact that you were a woman who was close to big names within the cartels. They thought you to be easily taken down and used as leverage, but what they didn't count on was you hiding daggers on your persons. The fight was dirty and bloody, and by the end of it you were spitting mad.

You have the urge to carve into someone that your brothers are trying to quell for once when your phone rings. You pull out your phone mid-pacing, and then freeze upon seeing Jax's name on the screen. But it's not a normal call- it's a video call.

"Fuck."

"What?" Your elder brother asks. "Who is it?"

"It's my neighbor. Most likely his kid Abel since I babysit him most of the time." Your brothers glance at each other and you roll your eyes. "I've told you about them. Now toss me my hoodie. I can't let them see my face like this."

Before the call ends, you answer it but make sure to angle the camera away from the bruised side of your face. "Hey, Jax, give me one sec," you say. Your brother tosses you a hoodie and you quickly pull it on after setting your phone down. Then you take a seat at the kitchen table, turning off a few lights so it's a little darker and you can hide within your hood. Picking up your phone and keeping only half your face on camera, you smile. "Hey, guys, miss me?"

Jax's smile falters, but Abel immediately starts talking, telling you all about his day with his dad. He tells you he misses your food and play time, and you assure him you'll be home soon. You tell him about hanging out with your own family and even make your brothers wave at the camera when you switch it on them. Abel's little voice telling them hi makes you smile and then Jax is telling Abel to go watch some TV before bed.

Left alone with Jax on the phone, his smile vanishes. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" You refuse to meet either of your brothers' gazes as you can feel them staring at you. "Everything's fine."

"Bullshit." Your brothers snort and you huff. Very reluctantly, you pull your hood down and maneuver the camera so it catches your full face. Jax's expression hardens. "Fuck."

"Don't worry. It looks worse than it is."

"What the fuck happened?"

You shrug and quickly glance at your brothers, but they're back to doing their own thing. "Went out drinking with the family and got caught in a brawl. It's been handled."

"So I don't have to gather the boys and kick some ass?"

His words make you huff a laugh. "Nah. I'm pretty sure I put the guy in a hospital."

"You took down a dude?! Now that's hot. I wish I could have seen that."

Uncaring that they're eavesdropping, your brothers burst out laughing and you sigh. You can't help but smile and you end up rolling your eyes when Jax laughs too. "Whatever. How's Abel really doing? Is he driving his official nanny insane yet?"

"Not really. He's just moping around."

"Aww." You coo. "Well I should be home soon. I'll take him to the park or something."

Jax's teasing smile turns genuine. "You know, I've never told you this, but I appreciate everything you do for Abel. You don't have to do anything, but you still treat him like family."

"What can I say? I like kids." You shrug. "And my idiot brothers will never give me any nieces or nephews."

"Hey!" Both your brothers protest.

You grin at them before looking back at Jax on your phone. "I should get going though. We have a meeting with the uncles here in a bit and I need to get ready."

"Alright. No more fights unless I'm there to avenge you. I can't have my favorite girl looking like she's in an abusive relationship."

Snorting, you say, "No promises. Tell Abel goodnight for me and to come up with a plan for what he wants to do when I get back home."

"Will do. See you soon."

As soon as you hang up, your brothers start making teasing kissing noises. "Oh shut the fuck up."

Valentine's Day has never been a day that you really cared for. Sure it was sweet to see teenagers and kids swap gifts and/or cards, or to buy candy half off, but it didn't bother you to have a significant other on this day. But you do remember how good it felt to get a gift as a kid, so you want to make sure Abel has a good day.

With your time spent with Abel, you've come to know that he loves certain fruits and chocolate. So after heading to the store for a quick shopping trip, you return home with strawberries, bananas, and melting chocolate. Then after cleaning the strawberries and chopping up some bananas, you dip them all in the ooey-gooey chocolate before letting them harden while fixing up a white dessert box with edges that say Happy Valentine's Day.

You've just filled the box with chocolate covered fruit when your phone rings and you can't help but smile at the name. You're no stranger to how handsome Jax is, but you know better than to go there with him.

"Hey, Teller, to what do I owe the pleasure of your hot voice?" You immediately answer.

Jax's laughter meets your ear before, "While it's nice to hear you like my voice, I'm actually calling on behalf of Abel."

"Aw. What does my favorite Teller need?"

"You know I'm your favorite Teller, YN." You hum, not denying his words. "But Abel is requesting your appearance here at the shop because he has a very important question to ask you."

"A very important question?" You muse. "What does Abel have to…" You trail off, the amusement in Jax's voice suddenly making something make sense. "His question doesn't happen to coincide with what today is, does it?"

Jax chuckles. "I am not ruining the surprise."

"I swear to God, Jax, if I end up crying I'm going to kick your ass."

"I look forward to it. Now get pretty and get your ass over here. Do not break my kid's heart."

"Never. And I'm always pretty, Teller."

"...yeah. You are." Your eyes widen at his words, but you don't say anything. Jax then clears his throat. "I'll see you soon."

"Y-Yeah. I'll be there in ten."

You can feel yourself blushing as you hang up, but quickly put it out of your mind as you hurry to your room to get dressed. You pull on a black sundress that's covered in sunflowers, the flowy skirt hitting right above your knees. You step into some black wedge sandals and quickly tie your hair up in a messy ponytail. You apply the basic amount of makeup and spritz some perfume around your body.

Heading downstairs, you throw all your necessities into a purse and then grab Abel's box of chocolate covered fruit before heading out.

The drive to Teller Automotive isn't a very long one, and you're soon parking in the lot. You leave your purse in the car, but you keep your box of fruits in hand. You get several wolf whistles as you cross the parking lot, but you merely laugh off Tig and Chibs' teasing.

Before you can enter the auto garage, Jax walks out, a smirk in place. And then before you can ask him what he's smirking for, your gaze is drawn downward to Abel who walks out behind him… and oh. You fuckin' melt.

Abel's hair is slicked into a faux hawk, a red bow tie is clipped to the very crisp white button shirt that's tucked into a pair of tiny faded jeans. In his hands he's holding a teddy bear that's adorned with a miniature Sons of Anarchy kutte, and a red carnation. The adorableness of it all makes you melt and tear up at how cute he is.

"Oh my goodness. You look so handsome," you tell him.

As you crouch so you're more at his level, you make sure the skirt of your dress still covers everything. Abel blushes as he asks, "Will you be my Valentine?"

"Hell yes I will." Abel smiles as he hands over your gifts, and Jax and the others- who were apparently listening in- whoop in celebration. "And as my Valentine, it's only fair that I give a gift as well. Strawberries and bananas covered in chocolate. Your favorite," you tell him.

Abel is so ecstatic over his gift that he nearly knocks you over as he hugs you. When Chibs ask him what he's got, he's more than happy to run off and show his uncles what you've given him. Jax offers you a hand up and as soon as you're steady on your feet, you notice him looking at you in a certain way.

"What?" You huff a laugh, carefully wiping away your tears that never fully fell.

"You are amazing, you know that?"

"Hardly. Tiny Teller is just adorable as hell." You can feel yourself starting to blush so you glance down at the teddy in your hand. "Where did you find a tiny kutte anyway?"

"It's actually Abel's. The guys had it made for him when he was born and he wanted your teddy to have it."

"I'll take extra care of it then." When you glance back at Jax, you ask, "So does Abel have to stay or can I take my valentine out on a date?" You have no idea what Jax had been thinking, but it's like your words make him snap. From one second to next, he goes from staring at you in awe to gently grasping your face and pulling you into a kiss. You gasp but quickly return the sentiment. And when Jax pulls back, still cupping your face in his hands, you ask, "So me wanting to take your kid out on a date really did it for you, huh?"

Jax barks out a laugh and you smile as he leans in for another quick kiss. "Been wanting to do that for a while actually."

"And you waited until this moment to do it," you muse. "Jokes on you though. You gotta stick around and listen to your boys tease you about this while I take Abel out all on my lonesome." You kiss him for a third time and then step out of his reach to holler, "Little Teller, let's go! It's you and me, buddy. Whatever you wanna do."

As Abel approaches with a lot less fruit, he asks, "Can we eat pizza in the park?"

"We sure can. Now say goodbye to your dad so we can go stuff our faces."

Dating Jax Teller is rather thrilling. You do not care to know what goes on in the club unless it pertains to any woman trying to sleep with him, or when Jax needs someone to vent to. Then, and only then, do you let your opinion be known about what goes on with the MC.

But while you have nothing against the MC, you still prefer to spend a majority of your time with Abel. Sure you'll show up to some parties so all the other women know Jax is off limits, but you're content to do activities with little Teller wherever he wants to be for the day.

You thought it was cute Jax tried to shield you from the violence the club was capable of, but never pressed him for information when you noticed he looked stressed about something. This time, however, you wish you had pressed him for information when he asked you to stay in with Abel.

It's nighttime, and you and Abel are relaxing in front of your TV as you watch some new Pixar film about dragons and their riders. The two of you are dozing off when your front door is kicked in, which then makes you jump into action. But you're not just defending yourself, you have a little boy to think about. So before you can find a proper weapon, you're left standing in front of Abel who is now clinging to your leg as he whimpers in fear.

"Jax Teller chose a pretty one this time."

"Fuck off."

The men all chuckle in front of you. "Take her."

. .

. .

The Sons of Anarchy roll up to a subdivision that's still in development, cautiously dismounting their motorcycles and arming themselves. A new MC had established themselves in a neighboring town, looking to make a name for themselves, and they thought knocking down the Sons a peg or ten was what they ought to do to establish their foothold in the MC world for good.

The encroaching MC took to ambushing the Sons whenever and wherever, and the people of Charming were starting to become afraid of strolling their pristine streets. Even the Sheriff was looking to the Sons to end the conflict, but they could only do so much. Unfortunately, one of the fights involved a chase on motorcycles as the Sons were making a run, and the son of the enemy President took a bullet to the right side of his chest and fell. His injuries then resulted in a coma which set off to this little meeting.

As they creep through the eerily quiet streets of the deserted subdivision, Opie flanks Jax. "I don't like this, brother. Something feels off."

"I agree," Chibs says. "We should have put the club on lockdown before ridin' out."

Jax sighs. "Too late now."

Juice, Happy, and Tig jog up to homes still under construction, trying the doors or looking for any signs that someone's been there. It isn't until they get to the end of the block that they notice one home has been vandalized and they know that's where they're supposed to go.

Every Son cautiously enters the house, nose wrinkling as the state of the house. But in the middle of the living room, there's an odd clearing around a small round table. And on that table sits a folded notecard.

The Sons seem to freeze, but then Jax is marching towards the note. Snatching it up, the words written make him tense as his world starts to tilt. "Fuck. They're going after Abel."

As the note flutters to the floor, the Sons all race after their President as he flees the house.

The note read, [A son for a son.]

On the way to YN's, Jax instructs half the Sons to break off and check on the club, while also making calls to get everyone on an official lockdown. Jax, Opie, Chibs, and Happy race to his neighbor's house.

When they pull up, a few neighbors are peering out their doors looking a bit distraught. Immediately, they know something terrible has happened, and that feeling is only intensified when they spot the broken down door.

Rushing to park in YN's front yard, guns are pulled from the back waistband of their jeans. Jax takes point as he enters the house and his heart drops to his stomach. The house is an absolute mess, furniture and glass broken.

The TV is still playing some cartoon movie and when he walks further in, he curses at the sight of a body laying in a pool of blood.

Happy peers over his shoulder. "Now we know she can hold her own."

"Find them. Now."

. .

. .

Sitting in the bathtub, Abel clings to you as his face hides against the side of your neck. Your face hurts from the numerous punches you took, your lip is split, your arms have multiple lacerations, and there's blood dripping into your eyes. But your worst wound is definitely the bullet wound to the left of your abdomen, and you're grateful that Abel's weight is putting pressure on the towel you had pressed against the wound.

It's been quiet for what seems like forever, but suddenly you hear movement. Shakily raising the gun you'd taken from one of the intruders, you take aim and dare the next motherfucker who enters to be someone intending harm on you or the boy in your lap.

The door gently swings open, but no one is there. Your arm hurts from holding the gun up and then you see someone try to peer around the door jamb. You can only partially see his face, but the voice- you recognize the voice even if you rarely hear it when you're at the club.

"Baby girl?"

"...Hap?"

The stoic man steps fully in the doorway, putting his gun away as you drop yours in the tub. Abel shifts as he whimpers and you wince. "Jax! Upstairs bathroom!"

Abel realizes his uncle's voice and dad's name, so he moves to turn. Happy is quick to lift him, his eyes widening at the blood soaking his clothes. "S'fine. My blood," you tiredly tell him. "I didn't… I didn't let them touch him."

"You did real good." Happy's assurance makes you smile, but you're just so tired. As your eyes slide shut, you hear, "Hey! Don't do that. Stay awake, YN."

"Tryin'…" Pounding footsteps race up the stairs and it isn't long until Jax, Chibs, and Opie are pushing their way into the bathroom as well. Jax takes Abel right away, eyes scanning the room before they land on you. Happy and Opie move to help you out of the tub, but Chibs is quick to point out your bleeding wound. The last words you say are, "Call my brothers," before darkness consumes you."

. .

. .

Jax is pacing the hospital waiting room, blood covering his shirt and hands from where he carried Abel. Chibs had taken Abel back to the club to clean him up and fill in the others about what was going on, but now he's back and filling in the Sheriff about what they had walked in on at YN's house. Thankfully Jax and YN's neighbors liked them, and were honest about hearing gunshots before the Sons had frantically rolled up.

Opie and Happy are the only two sitting patiently, but their attention is drawn to a large group of men entering the room. Two men in particular glance around before making a beeline for Jax, but the others hang back by the door. It's evident these men mean business as they stand guard, their suits standing out among the scrubs, kuttes, and regular clothing of the others sitting in the waiting room.

When Jax notices the newcomers, his shoulders sag at the sight of YN's brothers. But his interest is piqued with the suited thugs behind the brothers, tattoos visible along their hands and neck.

The brothers quickly introduce themselves as Noah and Theo, both of their expressions grim.

"What happened?" Noah asks. He's the elder of the two, his muscled torso covered in a button down with their sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"They were after my kid," Jax immediately tells them, voice low. "She took a bullet for him and she's in surgery right now."

Both brothers' jaws clench.

"Do you know who they are?" Theo asks, tapping away on his phone.

"Yeah. It's another MC. They attacked us on a run and the son of the President took a fall off his bike. He's in a coma, so the President went after my kid in return."

"And your kid was in the care of our sister," Noah realizes.

"Yes."

Noah sighs, running a hand down his face. Then after a few more taps and texts, Theo grins. "Found them."

Jax frowns. "Found who?"

"The people responsible for putting our sister in the hospital."

Jax then tenses. "This is club business, man. We'll handle it."

Both Noah and Theo tense, but end up chuckling. Jax's jaw clenches, but he keeps his anger in check.

Noah says, "If you think it'll remain club business when YN wakes up, then that means my sister hasn't confessed the family secret."

Jax freezes. "What secret?"

"We had to get our start somewhere when our parents died," Theo tells him. "And it just so happened that each of our parents came from very powerful, very wealthy families. We worked our way to the top of the food chain and became rather notorious until we wanted out and settled into the business we currently have."

Noah starts to smirk. "Your club business just became cartel business, my friend. And our uncles are livid that their little girl was attacked."

Jax glances at his boys, but says nothing.

"We'll find them and keep them occupied," Theo says. "When YN is released, she'll be out for blood."

"And she'll get it," Noah muses. "After all, she is quite the little torturer."

When you wake up, you're unsurprised to find Jax by your bedside. You are surprised, however, to learn that he knows about your past thanks to your brothers promising bloodshed. You groan, but then remember Abel. And after assurances that Abel is fine, you relax.

You're anxious to know where you stand with Jax as he explains why you ended up in the hospital. He feels guilty for not telling you what was really going on or putting you on lockdown, along with the club, but you don't blame him for what happened. Dating the President of an MC, you were bound to be pulled into the violence sooner or later, and with your past you knew you could handle it.

When he runs out of steam, it's your turn to start apologizing for not telling him about your life with the cartels. You make sure he knows that you would have never endangered Abel, and if your past had come calling, you would have made sure that they were protected at all costs. Jax assures you he's not mad, but he did wish you would have told him given you knew about the roles some of his brothers played in the club.

But what's done is done, and Jax is more interested in what you plan on doing since your brothers have gone quiet after calling him to inform him that they've got a majority of the MC tucked away in a building that no one can hear the impending mayhem.

"They broke into my home and put a bullet in me just to get to Abel and send a message to you," you say, expression turning thunderous. "The one who shot me doesn't get to walk away. Hell, the ones who fuckin' raised a gun in Abel's direction are lucky that they'll be limping away after I'm done."

"Limping away?"

You slowly smirk at him, lowering your voice. "I'm not gonna draw out my punishment, but my brothers and my uncles' men sure as shit ain't gonna sit back. They're gonna make sure they get the message that they fucked with the wrong people."

Jax huffs a laugh and then ends up staying for as long as the nurses would let him, only leaving when YN's brothers came or he had to go pick up Abel so he'd see that YN was fine for himself.

Then after two and a half days, you're released.

You're still sore, but you've got nothing but vengeance on your mind. When your brothers send you the address of where they're holding several individuals for you to interrogate, you get dressed and head for Teller Automotive.

Some of the guys are surprised to see you up and about, but you wave off their concern as you continue towards the club portion of the shop.

The usual sweetbutts are milling about, cleaning up and most likely getting ready for a party since it is a Friday. You spot Jax and Juice at the bar as Juice taps away on a laptop.

"Boys," you greet as you walk up behind them. "Whatcha workin' on?"

Jax turns in his seat, eyes subtly widening as he stands. "You're out! Why didn't you call me?" He's quick to carefully take you in his arms, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.

"Because if I'd have called you, you'd have taken me home and coddled me."

"Well yeah. You were shot."

"I got shit to take care of, Teller, and I'm not wasting another day."

"Then what are you doing here?"

You shrug. "I just thought that you'd want to see the MC face their consequences."

"Now? You're going to do that now?" He asks, his gaze darting down to your covered abdomen.

"Yep. "My brothers procured a place just on the outskirts of Charming where we won't be interrupted. You in?"

"Well, yeah. Obviously."

"Good. Then gather whoever's in and follow me."

As you sit in your car, you watch Jax as speaks with several of brothers to see who he's going to leave in charge. And after everything is settled, only five follow Jax to their motorcycles- Opie, Happy, Juice, Tig, and Chibs.

You start your car and start to drive, pausing by the gate until Jax and the others start to roll out. You take off, keeping your speed down as you drive through the town. But the moment you get to the road leading out of Charming, you step on the gas and race towards the location your brothers sent to you.

You drive along an empty stretch of road until you turn down a dirt road which is surrounded by empty crop fields that have seen better days. The road leads up to a dilapidated farmhouse, a very rusted horse corral, and behind all that is a barn where several vehicles have parked.

You park and get out, waiting for Jax to find the perfect spot to park their motorcycles. Once they do, you wait until they gather around.

"I know this started off as club business, but now it's cartel business. I can't have you questioning me in there."

"This is your playground," Jax says. "We're just here for a show."

You nod and then turn towards the barn doors, pushing them open with the help of Chibs and Tig when they get stuck. Inside, several men are hanging about on turned over crates or bales of hay, some even sitting at a small wooden table playing cards. Music plays softly in the background, but it's cut off the moment your presence is noticed.

Immediately, every man and woman scramble to their feet as you approach.

In the middle of the barn, there's a line of eight men with burlap sacks over their heads sitting in chairs with their wrists tied down to the armrests and ankles tied to the legs. Walking down the line of men, you snatch the sacks from their heads.

"Wakey, wakey, motherfuckers." Each man is clearly exhausted, agitated, and pissed off.

You save the MC President for last, smirking as he sneers at you. "Stupid bitch." He seethes. "Let us go. Right now."

"Bitch," you muse. "If you're going to insult me, at least call me a cunt. Or whore. Those words have much more of an impact."

"Cunt."

Your fist whips out, striking him across the face so hard that his head jerks to the side. He turns to glare back up at you, spitting blood that lands on your pant leg. "Now, now. If you're going to insult me again, at least be creative about it. Your lack of creativity is sorely disappointing." He roars at you, trying to free his wrists and feet, but you merely laugh and continue to pace in front of his men. "Now I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here and it's quite simple, really." You stop pacing, expression hardening. "You fucked with the wrong woman."

Then like a switch has been flipped, you go back to smiling and pacing, gesturing wildly as you talk. "Normally I wouldn't touch MC business with a ten foot pole, but you fuckers messed up. You broke into my home and went after a child under my care- a child that I hold very near and dear to my heart. So, now your piss poor attempt at taking over territory that doesn't belong to you has now come under cartel jurisdiction, and I will make sure that any stupid motherfuckers who dares to come after the Sons of Anarchy will pay a price."

"Fuck that. We didn't cross any cartel!"

"Oh honey," you mockingly coo as you come to a stop in front of the one who spoke. "I am part of the cartel." Turning around, you walk towards a long table and lift the cloth laying atop of it. Beneath the cloth, there's a variety of weapons. You tuck a glock into the back waistband of your jeans and then grasp a dagger in your dominant hand. Then turning to walk back towards the bound men, you smirk. "Now what I want are the assholes who attacked me and dared to point a gun at a child. You give me those men and the rest of you can walk out of here."

Silence.

Dead fuckin' silence.

"Nothing?" You chuckle. "Come on, guys. Give 'em up. I swear it's not worth protecting them. I mean, I can probably figure it out. Eyes are windows to the soul and all that rot. You might have been wearing masks, but I still remember those cowardly glints very well."

"Fuck you! I ain't no coward."

"Bingo!" You shout, pointing the tip of your blade at the culprit. Walking up to the guy, you can't help but laugh as he realizes his mistake and clamps his mouth shut. "One down, one more to go."

"I ain't telling you shit."

"No?" Switching the dagger to your other hand, you pull the glock free from behind your back. You step close to the man, taking aim at his crotch. "Are you sure about that?"

He cruelly smirks. "You're all talk and no-"

BANG!

The guy immediately starts screaming, his buddies struggling in their chairs, and you laugh. When you glance around the room, you see those you consider family chuckling and the Sons cringing in sympathy as they cover their crotches. You walk around so you're standing behind the screaming fool, swapping the dagger and gun in your hands so the dagger is back in your dominant hand. "Going once… going twice…" He continues to scream, and you sigh when no one else speaks up.

And then before anyone can comprehend what you've done, you've dragged the blade across the guy's neck.

As he gurgles on his blood and his friends shout obscenities at you, you walk around so you're standing before them once again.

"That's three of my men you've killed already," the President says. "I think fair's fair."

"I want the last one," you say. "One last guy and you're good to go."

No one says anything, but the President's expression hardens. There's a cold glint in his eye that you're very familiar with, and you know that should he walk out of these barn doors, he'll do anything and everything for revenge. "Samuel. I sent Samuel."

The Samuel in question squawks and you smile beautifully at him over the shoulder before staring at the President once more. "Harsh. Selling out your own guy like that." You saunter up to him, sighing. "But he's the thing; I hate snitches."

Then before the President can blink, you take aim and pull the trigger. The bullet hits him right between the eyebrows.

The struggling, bound men all seem to cease movement and you turn towards them. "Now that that's out of the way…" You walk back towards Samuel, scoffing at his whimpering. "You might get to live today, Sammy, but not without something to remember why messing with the Sons a big no-no."

"And w-what's that?"

You slowly smile. "Open your fist, Samuel. Lay your hand flat against the armrest."

His eyes widen as he whimpers, but he hesitantly does as you've said. Then when his hand is nice and flat, you drive your blade through the back of his hand, pinning it to the arm rest.

As he screams, you sneer at him and then start to make your way towards the Sons. On your way, you hand off your gun before coming to a stop in front of Jax and pasting on a smile as you glance at each Sons. "Who's hungry?"

"Marry me," Happy grumbles.

You laugh at him, winking, and then glance back at Jax. "You're a little psycho," he says.

"Only when the occasion calls for it. But seriously, can we go get food?"

Jax laughs as he sidles up to your side, sliding an arm along the back of your shoulders. "Do burgers sound good?"

"Burgers sound marvelous. I also want a vanilla milkshake."

"Good. We'll go grab some and surprise Abel. He's been itching to go to your house again."

"Ugh. Your kid is so adorable. But maybe let me settle in before you grab him. My abdomen is on fire and if we tell him I'm sick, maybe he won't be so hyperactive."

"Let me see."

Begrudgingly, you lift the hem of your shirt and glance down. Sure enough, you've bled through your bandages. "New plan; No Abel."

"What? But-"

"Nope." Jax squeezes you to his side as you sigh. "You're gonna go home, Chibs will follow to patch you up, and I'll go pick up some food. Abel can go one more day without seeing you."

"Boo."

The Sons chuckle.

"What about us?" Juice asks, gesturing between himself, Tig, and Happy.

"I don't care, Juice. Do whatever you want."

As they head towards their motorcycles, Jax walks you to your car.

"So, are you really okay with this?" You ask. "Okay with me and all that I'm capable of?"

"Yeah." Jax nods. "More than okay, actually. It's good to know that should shit find its way to your doorstep again, you'll handle it."

"Damn right I will." You swing around so you're standing in front of Jax, arms wrapping around his waist as his go around your shoulders. "I will protect Abel with my life again and again. Never doubt that."

"Just Abel?" His eyebrow arches.

"You're a close second," you muse. Leaning up on the tips of your toes, you peck his lips. "Now seriously. Food, Teller. I need food."

"Yeah, yeah." He kisses you again. "Go home and get settled. I'll be there soon."

#jax x reader #jax teller x reader #jax teller imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #soa imagine #jax teller #happy lowman #abel teller #mc romance #motorcycle club romance #dark romance

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> choi san x reader x jung wooyoung warning(s) -> mention of abuse words -> 1.2K

abstract -> "...like you’re wanted. It's a sense of security that you have a home"

san's perspective

I’ve been under her care for about a month now… humans often were cruel creatures. She was a saint though. 

The way she cared for others over herself was obvious. The amount of people who come over to check up on her shows how many care for her. 

They were all cautious of me though… of what I did to her. She’s healed by now… luckily she didn't scar. I didn’t want to be reminded by a scar of what I’d done. 

She did prove to want to spoil me and Wooyoung. 

The black card in her hand would pay for everything… I've seen people have their card declined but she constantly picked things out without a worry. 

She is a trust fund kid… but she made money herself too. “San how about this?” she asked me and I shook my head. I didn’t want to show off my arms. 

“San you need some short-sleeved clothes,” she said as she put it back. “Ooh! y/n how about this!” Wooyoung yelled as I saw him pull out another piece of clothing for himself. “If you like it, put it in the cart,” she said happily. 

“y/n?” he asked, looking nervous. 

“Yes?” she said waiting for him to speak… he was fidgeting and not looking at her anymore. “Why haven’t you given us collars yet?” he asked and I groaned.

Collars weren’t something I wanted. 

“Hmm? Oh… well I guess we haven’t had that conversation” she said while looking at me. “We’ll do that at home okay?” she asked and he nodded. 

She wandered off while me and Wooyoung guarded her cart with the mountain of clothing. “Why do you want a collar so badly?” I asked and he sighed. “It's not necessary but… to hybrids, it's almost like you’re wanted. It's a sense of security that you have a home” he said

“Then why hasn't she gotten us one yet?” I asked now feeling agitated at the thought of not having one. “Well… collars are also seen as oppression. Some hybrids don’t like it because it could be offensive” he explained and I nodded. 

“Maybe she hasn’t caused your past? I heard her speaking to our doctor about triggers you have” he said and I knew that made the most sense. 

“I never really had a collar…” I said and he nodded. 

“You should also have some short-sleeved clothes…” he said and I sighed. “I’ll choose some but I doubt I'll use it,” I said and he chuckled. 

“Well it looks like she's looking for some,” he said as we saw her looking at short-sleeved clothes… “Miss?” I heard as I saw an employee get closer to her. “Do you need help looking?” they asked and she pondered before shrugging. 

“Sure,” she said. “Do you know your boyfriend’s size?” they asked and I felt my face heat up. “Huh?!” she let out clearly flustered. Wooyoung laughing at the situation… “Yah, when did you become her boyfriend ~” he teased and I growled. 

“No fair though… I wouldn’t mind being mistaken for her boyfriend” he said softly. The fox had a huge crush on her; it was painfully obvious. 

He was also a big pervert… always when she was out he’d go to her room and leave with her scent on him. I don’t want to know what he does there…

“I think i'm ready for the next store,” she said, quickly coming over to us with a pink hue across her cheeks. 

It was cute how flustered she became. 

“So much,” y/n said as we were now all on the floor lying down surrounded by bags. I don’t even think the floor was visible anymore. 

“y/nnie! We still need to go grocery shopping!!” Wooyoung said and we groaned. He was now the appointed chef since y/n burned lunch one day. He scolded her and kicked her out of the kitchen. Not like he lets me in there either though…

“Does that mean we order food today?” I asked and she chuckled. “What are you craving San?” she asked and I thought about it… “Anything with meat with it,” I said, and the two chuckled. 

I hate the time I wasted being too stubborn to let her in. I’ve never felt happier than by her side and playing around with Wooyoung. 

Everything was perfect. 

“Do you guys want collars?” she asked and I liked the way Wooyoung explained it. A feeling of being wanted… I wanted to be someone like that for her. 

“I do… when my owner died they sold my collar. I never got one again after” Wooyoung said and I sighed. 

“I still can't believe them. I tried visiting you… but they denied us all from visiting saying it was bad for a pregnant woman. Eventually, I just gave up trying to accommodate. I’m sorry Woo”  she said and I noticed he sat up. 

“I’m just glad you never forgot about me,” he said with a grin. “How about you, San?” she asked as she sat up. I looked at her and she always asked me questions with pure curiosity on her face. 

“I wouldn’t mind it,” I said. I think in fact I wanted to be wanted by her.

“Wait here! I have something to give you two!” she said as she stood up quickly and made her way out of the bags and toward her room. 

“What do you think she has?” Wooyoung asked and I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said and he chuckled. “You really are becoming domesticated,” he muttered. “What is that supposed to mean?!” I asked confused and he laughed. 

“You’ve grown closer to her!” he said and I nodded. Before I could say anything I heard her footsteps. We saw her excitedly coming over to us with two bags. 

I didn’t recognize this brand… not like I recognized most but from the looks of it, Wooyoung didn’t either. 

“Before you open it, I got you the second day I went to buy stuff for San,” she said and I was confused. “I also got you one after San told me to adopt you both” she explained. to Wooyoung 

We took the tissue paper out of the bag to reveal a velvet box. Mine was black and Wooyoung’s beige. 

I opened it to reveal a collar… has she got me a collar ever since then?

It was pure black with black jewels around it. “Thank you!!” Wooyoung yelled as he hugged her. I was in shock… she got this on the second day of my being here.

I looked over to Wooyoung. y/n was helping him put it on. It was a beige collar with white jewels around it. “San?” she said as she looked at me nervously. 

I stood up and picked her up. I hugged her tightly…

“Your tail is wagging like crazy!” Wooyoung said and I don’t think I've ever felt this happy. “Do you like it?” she asked and I chuckled. 

“You’ve completed your promise,” I said and she pulled away to look at me shocked. I noticed her eyes turned glassy and she smiled happily at me.

“I hope you’re always happy with me,” she said as she hugged me tightly. 

“I know I will, if I’m with you” 

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3

#ateez #ateez x female reader #ateez circus #ateez x reader #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #ateez hongjoong #hongjoong x reader #ateez yunho #yunho x reader #ateez yeosang #yeosang x reader #ateez san #san x reader #ateez wooyoung #wooyoung x reader #ateez mingi #mingi x reader #ateez jongho #jongho x reader

[creedslove]

DAVE YORK AND YOUR PREGNANCY - HEADCANONS

Dave York x f!reader

A/N: hi besties! I'm glad to see you all coming down to ask box to talk about Dave because honestly, I think the world needs to recognize more of murder daddy and our Dave York apologists™ community needs to grow! Also, I sort of kept this headcanon here in my mind and I've also had a bug craving of female rivalry with our favorite person to hate: Carol, hehehe enjoy 😉

• it's not a secret to anyone the whole reason why Dave married Carol was because she got pregnant in the first place; they didn't love each other that much, but their relationship wasn't all bad, so when she showed up knocked up it was only the logical step to jump into marriage

• and it was already in the early stages of the pregnancy, Dave noticed the task wasn't going to be as easy as he thought it would, or more like it, it would be as easy to be around Carol as he thought it would. Quite the opposite, she managed to show her true colors as soon as it finally sank in she was indeed pregnant

• their relationship wasn't the best thing that'd ever happened to either of them, but at least they had an active social life, had a decent sexual life and other stuff going on, things weren't always miserable, but whatever kind of bond that could exist between them was suddenly gone, as she did everything in her power to keep Dave away from her

• first of all, all she would complain was about being nauseous, which is common for pregnant women Dave knew, he wasn't a man cave after all, although it started to annoy the hell outta him the fact she claimed to feel sick at the smell of his perfume, his aftershave, his shampoo, his clothes and eventually himself

• and then, it started with the fact that whenever he put his hands on her, she couldn't even hide his grossed out she was; she simply didn't want to feel him, she didn't want him cooking her food and whenever she had an outburst for gaining weight or looking bigger, she would cry, scream, accuse and pick fights blaming it on him for making her body

• and as the pregnancy progressed, so did this situation, it was so stressful and annoying, the way she would just waste money on things, complaining about cute, heartfelt presents she got because she said her baby didn't need anything given to them, she also complained about whatever Dave bought, it was never correct: it was either too pink or not pink enough and so on

• by the time their daughter was born, Dave was already exhausted, and even if he loved her with all his heart, it wasn't what he expected from fatherhood, deep down he feared she would be just like her mom one day - sad news, she turned out exactly like Carol

• and Dave carried on his marriage without the same flame, he was disappointed in the person he married, and when his second girl came along, the experience wasn't any better, but there wasn't anything he couldn't do about it

• so when Dave got divorced and married you, things were so different, he enjoyed how light and gentle your marriage truly was; he loved the good dynamics you both had; how caring and affectionate you were towards each other, how fun days were without a heavy routine, just doing as you pleased and spending time with each other

• things were so good between the two of you, and as Dave finally learned how to sort of balance the distance from his daughters - you still found him in his office staring at pictures of them as toddlers during special holidays at the same time he sighed whenever he tried calling or texting them and was completely ignored it just replied with dry, annoyed texts, was when you found out you were pregnant

• Dave was a mix of feelings, he knew it was a possibility, after all you two weren't so careful with preventing it, but he couldn't help feeling his heart drop, just to imagine he would lose that close side of your relationship because of his experiences as a father and he was so scared about resenting his baby over it, as much as he tried reminding himself he wasn't like his mother at all

• so when you came to him and told about your suspicions, he was supportive, but you could tell he was holding himself back, and knowing about his marriage background and the real drama he often went on with Molly and Alice, you could have a good picture of how complicated things were

• so he drove you to the drugstore, he bought tests next to you and he waited by your side until you got the results - positive, of course - the next day, he drove you to the clinic and waited as you went through every single exam that could attest if you were indeed expecting

• and as much as he held you, kissed you and showed happiness, you still saw something was off, deep in down, Dave's biggest fear was that he was going to lose you to the baby, because Carol wasn't a great partner but whatever he had with her, was gone, and he couldn't face the same happening between the two of you

• you then, gave him some time and space, knowing he had a mission coming in the next few days, you really thought of asking him not to go, but you knew you couldn't actually do it, so you just wished him a nice and safe trip and reminded him how much you loved him

• and once Dave came back was when he realized that perhaps things weren't going to be lost between the two of you, because yeah, he called every single day to check up on you and the baby, and he knew you'd started your nausea/hunger/sleepy phase so he figured once he got home, you would star drifting apart from him

• but much to his surprise, you didn't, quite the opposite: you practically jumped on him, because you wanted to hug and hold Dave in your arms, you wanted to feel his warmth and weight, and god, his scent simply drove you insane with desire and satisfaction

• you complimented his cologne, his shampoo, the scent of his clothes, soap, you name it... you just loved everything and you loved burying your face into his neck and sniffing him

• his pancakes were also to die for: it didn't matter if he made them sweet or tried different salty recipes, if it was breakfast or just breakfast for dinner, you loved spending time with him and appreciating his food, and you also thanked him for adding fruits and many other healthy things into your diet

• your sex life also improved, with differences of course, mostly, Dave wouldn't be so rough, he was more romantic and soft towards you and there was no stress: you wanted him as much as he wanted you, the hormones, the passion, the romance was all in synch and even if you eventually got a little insecure about your body changes, there weren't cries, arguments, all it took the two of you was just some reassurance from Dave's side, the way he would sometimes hold you in front of a mirror and grab your lotion and spread all over your skin, or how he would nuzzled your neck and whisper into your ear how sexy you were becoming or even when he would bury himself between your thighs until you couldn't handle it anymore, was enough to settle things

• over the course of your pregnancy, Dave realized your bond was stronger than never, because you two were very much in love, you were expecting a child Dave already loved so much without the fear of this baby growing into an obnoxious child like it happened before

• the fact he was going to have a little boy after two girls was also pretty exciting for him, as he figured it would be somehow easier and he kind of had hopes to fix his own traumas by being a kind father to a boy, knowing what a boy needed as growing up

• he loved how happy and careful you were with everything you got as a gift for the baby: baby shoes, clothes, onesies, you were so thankful for people's kindness to gift your baby, never trash-talking anything you got and also thanking Dave for the gifts

• he realized you were both more united, not working against each other with a baby in the middle, but instead, working together in order to raise that precious little thing you two loved so much and it showed him a real meaning of family to him

• you two were meant to be, your baby was loved by the two of you with all your hearts and you couldn't want another life, things were good and the Yorks were finally happy the way they deserved to be ❤️

____

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #dave york #dave york x reader #dave york x you #dave york x y/n #dave york fanfiction #dave york fanfic #dave york headcanon #dave york headcanons

[brain-n-body-in-disarray]

The hidden life of a disabled/chronically ill person.

(Basically a rant about everything wrong in my life and in this society)

At this point I don't even know what's wrong.

Am I feeling exhausted because of idiopathic hypersomnia or am I at the beginning of a spondylitis flare up.

Do I even have ankylosing spondylitis? The symptoms list is a bit sketchy. I mean, there's something there in my body acting up, but... Anyway, I'm too weary to go through all that, the tests and so. I'll just die with my joint aching, I guess.

And am I crying because of the fatigue or is it the start of another depressive phase? Who knows? Not me. Maybe I'm just fed up of being this way.

What way it is, I don't even know anymore. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more laying there inside me to be diagnosed.

The point is, I've been in and out of so many doctors' offices and two decades later I feel like nothing has changed.

I see people over there, talking about their six months wait for a diagnosis, starting meds right away that changed their life. I'm so jealous. Are these people even real?

I lost count of how many specialists I've seen since middle school. I've lost count of how many times I've given up ever finding a diagnosis or a helpful hand. I certainly haven't kept a list of the doctors I came to hate for their incompetence and their cold dismissal.

I hate the healthcare system so much. There's specialists and centers and places I can't even access because I need other doctors' letters to even take an appointment. But the doctors I have are all incompetent morons that don't even listen to me. Where are the good doctors? Where do I find them?

*

And in the meantime, I survive. There's no other word for the way I live with so little money. How would I survive without the help of a family I'd rather be estranged with? The little money I get from the state doesn't cover for the bare minimum of living. I could get more if I applied for it but... I'd need to be fully diagnosed. The diagnosises I have now aren't enough apparently. I hate that there's people in offices that put a percentage on my level of disability and can decide of my future. Because I really don't know what I'd do if they'd reject my application. I'd be force to find a job that might just kill me, or maybe my bf and I would be forced to live with his father, living on what my family could give us for food. And what would we do the day they'll all be dead? Who'll help us then? Where would we live? How would we find food and clothes?

The state never cares about people like us living with dignity. They don't even care about us being alive. They'd rather see us dead, because we're wastes of money to them. So they don't want to help us. They do not care about making things easier and more accessible. They want us gone.

Okay, I didn't mean to go on a rant, but, well, that's the life of disabled and chronically ill people. We are more than our disabilities and illnesses, yes, but our lives can't be separated from them either. It's not just about 'spoons' or 'batteries', we need to think about so much more than that. And the irony in there is that it costs a lot of spoons. Abled people can have hard lives, sure, but they have more energy to spend and means to find solutions. They survive more easily. For us, it can mean death far more quickly, and no one cares.

If we can't take care of ourselves by working, earning money, making a place for ourselves in this broken society, we are devalued and outcast.

"Earning money". Do we have to earn our right to live too? Apparently so. At least, they won't try to make it easier for us.

Sure, there's stuffs that exist for helping disabled and chronically ill people. But it's enough sugar-coated bullshit to appease the people, to show enough kindness not to look heartless. I don't believe for one second they care for us, and you should not too.

They expect us being voiceless, because we are often silenced by our own lack of spoon. We live a life where we need more energy but have less than most people. It is thus unfair that we are the one that have to be our own advocates.

Sure, we have allies. But if there's one thing I have learned is that if you don't leave it, you don't know what people that live it really need. The best allies are forums. They're empty spaces that make the minorities' voices resonate, that emplify them. Allies' voices are echoes. But echoes can be dangerous, the original message distorted beyond recognition. So we need to be the ones to be heard. No small feat.

I know that I can't do that. I can only send tumblr posts into the void. Is that enough? It'll have to be, because I can barely remember to eat, I can't fight this battle on top of everything.

Kudos of the activists that manage to do it all. I hope you don't get burnt out.

#actually disabled #actually mentally ill #idiopathic hypersomnia #sleepy bitch disease #bipolar disorder #c ptsd #autism #actually autism #ankylosing spondylitis #rheumatism #disability problems #physical disability #disability benefits #disability #disabled #actually chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #chronically ill #spoonie #spoon theory #depression #actually ptsd

[amorgansgal]

Of Swampy Dreams

Well as promised, here's my little fic based on the dream I had where Arthur shoved me through a window into a swamp, in order to escape from a house we were robbing! Anyway hope you all enjoy!

‘Aw shit,’ you heard Arthur mutter behind you, as you were rifling through a drawer. Thus far this home robbery had not proved fruitful. The most you and Arthur had found was a couple of dollars, some brass candlesticks, a few cans of food and that was about it. Evidently, the tip Arthur had received from a thief he had helped escape the law, was either deliberately wrong or he had mixed up the houses.

‘What is it?’ you asked, glancing over your shoulder.

‘We got company, dammit, why the hell is he back so early?’ Arthur barely let you push the drawer back into place, when he was already hurrying you into a back room. Dusk was creeping in rapidly and you could barely see anything apart from what little light was let in from a window. The window was set quite high up in the wall and there was no other way of getting out what looked like was a glorified store cupboard.

‘Well shit,’ you whispered, ‘How are we going to get out of here?’

Arthur rolled his eyes and pointed to the window.

‘I can’t reach that!’ you snapped.

‘I’ll give you a leg up, but hurry up, quit yappin’!’

He forced open the window and cupped his hands together to form a little step. You sighed heavily and then placed your foot in his hands, while grasping the window frame and inelegantly hoisting yourself up. You were busy muttering under your breath about this all being a pointless waste of time, when you realised as you were wiggling out the window that the murky, stinky swamp of Lagras was right underneath rather than any wrap-around porch or solid ground.

‘Arthur, wait!’ you hissed.

‘We ain’t got time to wait!’

‘The swamp is-!’ But he had already shoved you through the window and you landed in the swamp with a squelchy plop. You were lucky to have taken a breath before you entered the murky water, but as you breached the surface you wiped away the weed and mud from your face, as Arthur landed beside you.

‘You goddamn ass-!’ you began to exclaim, but he was already dragging you off.

‘C’mon, don’t want to wait to get caught, hardly be worth Hosea breakin’ us out of jail. And I assume ya don’t want to get eaten by an alligator?’

You squelched your way out of the bog, sticking to the reeds and bullrushes, so the homeowner would not spot you both. Though you doubted very much he would even notice the missing two dollars and would probably think he had misplaced the candlestick. You made it to the road, though you hated the way your boots were stuck fast to your feet and your clothes were drenched. Arthur whistled for the horses and you glared at him.

‘Some god damn robbery this was!’ you muttered.

‘Look, it don’ always go to plan.’

‘We may as well have pick pockets in Saint Denis or played poker, we’d have earnt more money!’

Arthur sighed and caught your horse’s reins as she ambled up to you both. Lacey nickered softly and Arthur gave her neck an absentminded pat, before gesturing for you to mount up.

‘C’mon, we’ll ride back to Rhodes and I’ll pay for you to have a bath,’ he said.

‘Rhodes? Ride back to Rhodes? I’ve got to ride all the way back-!’

‘Well how else you goin’ to get home?’

‘We are finding a god damn stream or river and I am washing the worse of this off. You can grumble all you want, but you aren’t soaked from head to toe in stinky swamp water!’

You mounted Lacey, without Arthur’s help and he stomped off. You barely waited for him to mount up on Topaz, instead kicking your horse into a quick canter and riding off down the forest path. You heard Arthur mutter something under his breath as you passed him, but he soon caught up with you. The sun was just sinking below the horizon and the hum and whine of insects was slowly growing louder, the boggy warmth from the swamp was cooling rapidly. You knew you weren’t far from the Kamassa River and even though the water would likely be very cold, you would be glad to wash yourself off.

There was a small island ahead of you, right in the middle of the river, and you pushed Lacey across to reach it. Once you had reached the middle, you jumped off Lacey and began to strip off your dress.

‘Woah! Easy!’ Arthur yelled, then quickly turned away as you caught his eye.

‘What am I meant to do?’ You snapped. ‘You get a fire going, so I don’t freeze to death, while I wash off.’

You stomped off over to the river, though you heard Arthur mutter under his breath about you being ‘So goddamn dramatic!’ First you gave your clothes a good wash, though to get out the smell you would probably need to wash them properly back at camp, but a thorough scrub removed most of the mud. Once you were done, you headed back to the fire Arthur had got going and flung your soaked dress over a nearby tree branch. Arthur was determinedly focusing on adding more twigs to the fire and you rolled your eyes at his stubborn back.

‘Not like you ain’t seen Karen or Mary-Beth in their underthings!’ you muttered. Half the women would walk around in the evening and early morning in their chemises or combinations, you included. You didn’t know why Arthur was making a big show of respecting your modesty all of a sudden!

You carefully dipped your toes into the river and hissed at how cold the water was. You bit your lip hard, so you wouldn’t shriek as the water lapped at your calves, then your thighs and your belly. This would be a quick wash and no mistake! You took several breaths, then counted in your head ‘1, 2, 3…’ and dunked yourself under the water. You let out a small scream in the water and quickly surfaced. God damn, it was freezing! Your head felt like it was full of icy needles. You scrubbed yourself furiously, then sloshed your way to the shore.

You suddenly realised that you had been a bit of an idiot. You didn’t have any other clothes and your combinations were completely drenched. You would need to strip off and wear your blanket wrapped around you, hopefully Mr Morgan would not faint in shock!

You darted through the small camp, grabbing the spare blanket from Lacey’s back and making your way into your tent.

‘I thought you was just goin’ to wash yourself off?’ Arthur said, you saw him look up at you, then quickly avert his gaze. Granted you’d forgive the modesty act this time, seeing as your combinations were sticking to your skin and you could easily see your nipples through the thin cotton material.

‘Well I did!’

‘I thought you was just going to wash your hands and face.’

‘Hey, you were the one who decided we should rob a house with nothing in it in a damn swamp! And then you shoved me through a window into said swamp! You don’t get to act like we’ve both been making great, smart decisions here.’

Arthur let out a small huff of laughter and lowered his head. ‘Alrigh’, sorry. But get out those things, ya goin’ to catch ya death.’

‘As if I didn’t know that!’ you grumbled, then walked over to your horse and pulled off the spare blanket you had. You began to strip off your wet clothes and scrubbed yourself dry. Once you were dry and tied your hair up, you wrapped the blanket around you. You brought your combinations with you and flung them over the tree branch. You took a seat by Arthur, next to the fire, and tried to get yourself warm, though you kept shivering with the cold.

‘Yer a damn fool,’ Arthur muttered, bringing out some dried meat and a can of beans he left near the fire to warm up.

‘You’re the one who decided to rob an empty house!’

‘I had a tip!’

‘Oh yeah, and it was a really good one! We’d have made more money shooting an alligator or getting their eggs and selling that in town.’ You managed to say through chattering teeth.

Arthur sighed, then began to rub your arms, almost making you lose your grip on your blanket.

‘Hey, easy! Thought Great Aunt Arthur Morgan was going to faint if he saw my tits!’ you exclaimed.

‘Great Aunt what now?’

‘What? Most men would be quite happy to have a naked cold woman all alone in a wood with them, but you act like you’re going to faint because you saw my ankle!’ you grinned, even though you were cold and Arthur’s hands on your arms were very warm. You couldn’t help wriggling closer to him, in an attempt to get warm.

‘I ain’t like most men and I ain’t goin’ to faint on seein’ your goddamn ankle, just… just tryin’ to be respectful, that’s all.’

‘Oh Arthur, you really are a gentleman, shoving ladies out of windows into swamps and then almost pulling their blanket down when trying to warm them up.’

‘Do you ever shut up?’

‘Only when I’m being shoved through a win-‘

He suddenly cupped your face and pulled you in for a kiss. His hand slipped behind your head, tugging you in closer and you felt your cheeks burn, as his lips met yours and you almost went to put your arms around him, but then remembered the blanket you were still clutching to your chest. He was so warm and smelt of whiskey and smoke and something earthy and sweet. You almost wanted to wrap yourself up in his jacket. Your heart was racing, every nerve ending alive with electricity and he was still kissing you, passionately, deliciously. Finally, he pulled away, though his hands still gently cupped your face, as he gazed into your eyes and a shy smile graced his lips.

‘Sorry, ya still stink of the swamp,’ he said.

You smacked his arm, though you couldn’t help laughing. ‘Well you owe me a new dress!’ You smiled gratefully as he pulled off his jacket and draped it around your shoulders.

‘Sure, think it’s the least I can do.’

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x fem! reader #arthur morgan x f!reader #arthur morgan x f/reader #arthur morgan x f reader #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x y/n #arthur morgan x you #arthur morgan x your name #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan fanfiction #red dead redemption fanfic #red dead redemption fanfiction

[agirlattea]

Sincerely, a Rainbow of stories for you: 

Please Tell Me the Story of the Rainbow: Part 8

(Location: Exhibition at an Old Castle, Central Kingdom, Day Time)

Lennox: That's right. Although progress is being made slowly, It's not about making money, it's about living. 

Bradley: What a waste. Aren't people in the south interested in making money? 

Faust: … There are Livelybirds here, they’re the highest quality edible bird. 

Bradley: What? 

Nero: What? 

Faust: Nero, what would you do?

Nero: Umm… it depends on the type, but I’d probably squeeze it and make it into a stew? Why do you ask? 

Faust: I can’t make soup as well as you can, so I think I’ll just watch them flap their wings. Even though these birds are the highest quality for consumption, I don’t hate watching them. Just standing here doesn’t feel like a waste at all. 

Bradley and Nero: … 

Faust: By the way, I’ll be looking forward to trying the stew. 

Nero: Haha...are you asking for food or preaching philosophy? But I guess I'm in the mood for stew tonight. 

Faust: I see. I'm looking forward to it. 

Bradley: What a bland and Eastern conversation. Anyways, they probably won’t even notice just one going missing… It’s pretty clever to use us as security, but I can’t forgive ‘em for thinkin’ all the Sage’s Wizards are goody two shoes. Hey, isn’t it pretty bold of ‘em to throw a thief into a treasure trove? 

Faust: Who knows. If you want to go back to prison, I won't stop you. 

Bradley: I can't get enough of it. Well, I'm not the only one with bad habits. 

Nero: What? Don’t look at me while grinning like that… 

Bradley: Don’t be so embarrassed. Hey, take a look at this. 

Nero: Oh, as expected, that's pretty impressive…

Faust: Hey. 

Lennox: You guys. 

Nero: Huh? 

Bradley: Yeah?

Lennox: What are you going to do with that gem? Or rather, when did you even grab it... 

Nero: ! N-no, this is... 

Bradley: Haha... Don't listen to nonsense like that. What else can you do with a jewel except put it in your pocket?  

Faust: Do you really want to go back to prison? Stealing during a mission… are you really so eager to return to prison? Oz and the twins are still in the building, you know. And Nero, you’re really going along with a thief like Bradley? 

Nero: Well, no, this is...um… training! 

Faust and Lennox: Training? 

Nero Of course. Our mission is to guard the venue, right? Even though our main purpose is to watch the magical exhibits, there's no guarantee that no one will try to mess with valuable items like these. 

Lennox: I see....... so you were testing our awareness?  

Nero: Exactly. Isn’t that right, Brad…ly?

Bradley: What a pain. 

Nero: Bradley! 

Bradley: Hey hey, you're right. All I did was go  along with the training. A real thief just showed you all an example, so grateful. 

Faust: Sigh...well, it’s definitely good practice for dealing with theft. 

Lennox: Indeed. Bradley's presence was as expected, Nero is surprisingly good at imitating thieves. 

Nero: Haha, thanks... 

Faust: But Leno, during an actual situation, it would be better to neutralize the threat without waiting to ask questions, instead of calling out to them like I did just now. 

Lennox: I understand. 

Faust: The next stop is the floor below. Let’s go. 

Lennox: Of course. 

Bradley: ...You have a troublesome way of dealing with people. You really can't drop your bad habits. 

Nero: Well...I'm just a humble cook. Please put that jewel back, though. 

Mitile: Don’t the sheep look so stylish? 

Riquet: They look like rainbow colored clouds. 

Chloe: I think they look like Murr’s fireworks! 

Mitile: Everyone's interpretations are different, but I can’t find the title of the exhibit anywhere…

Riquet: I cannot see it either. 

Chloe: Hmm… I wonder what the picture is supposed to be? 

Riquet: Then, let us combine everyone's opinions into "clouds dyed in rainbow colors surrounded by fireworks launched by Murr". 

Mitile: My stylish sheep weren’t included! 

Riquet: That’s true… then perhaps “Sheep who have been dressed up by wizards gazing at the rainbow clouds by Murr’s fireworks”?  

Chloe: So their fluffy wool is completely dyed by magic? 

Riquet: How is it? 

Mitile: I like it! 

Rustica: What a lovely painting. It looks like you are all having fun too. 

Chloe: Rustica! Hey Rustica, what do you think this picture looks like? 

Rustica: Hmm, I believe... it may be the fresh salad I ate this morning? 

Chloe: We’ve added another idea! 

Mitile: But maybe we can still figure it out somehow...? 

Riquet: That must be a tomato, and this may be... 

Chloe, Mitile, and Riquet: Aparagus! 

Rustica: Oh? That's strange,I do not remember asparagus being in the salad. I was happy to eat it, but I feel as though the salad had a bittersweet taste.

Chloe: What kind of salad is that? 

Rustica: Itvwas a mysterious salad that felt nostalgic even though it was my first time eating it. As you can see in the painting, there were many different things mixed together, it was quite lively, and very delicious. Oh? 

Mitile: Ah!? Please look over here…! 

Riquet: The picture is moving!

Chloe: I wonder what... did the painting just change into text? It's says "change." 

Rustica: I'm sure that's the name of this picture. Maybe he told us because we were discussing it. Haha, thank you for your polite response. 

Riquet: Is it the work of a magical mechanism? 

Mitile: I'm sure it is. I'm glad we were able to learn its proper name! 

Riquet: However, it may be moving due to the  influence of the <Great Catastrophe>... 

Chloe: If that’s case, I wonder if it’ll be able to return to its original form. If it can’t, doesn’t that  mean we changed the picture? 

Mitile: What? I-is that so!? 

Riquet: Oh, It started moving again! 

Mitile and Riquet: P-please change back!

Chloe: Oh, it’s back to its original form! That’s good… 

Rustica: Indeed, after all, one’s original appearance is the most lovely of all. 

Shino: Mithra, Owen, where are you going? 

Mithra: I am returning to the Manor, why? 

Owen: It’s none of your business anyways. Mithra, hurry up and open the door. 

Shino: Hah, I knew the two of you would run away. There’s no way you’d be interested in art. 

Owen: Who’s running? Besides, you don’t care either 

Shino: At least I understand better than either of you. I am in service to the famous Blanchett family. 

Mithra: But you are not interested, are you? You are chasing us around, after all. 

Owen: Where is your beloved liege now? I wonder if he felt annoyed at such a loud guard dog, and sent you away. 

Shino: What did you say?! 

Rutile: Oh, Mr. Mithra! 

Heathcliff: So this is where you were, Shino. 

Owen: Oh good, your master finally came pick you up. 

Shino: Watch yourself. 

Heathcliff: W-what happened? You have such a scary look on your face… 

Owen: Your little guard dog was pretending to be useful before he realized his master didn’t want him and he started crying and howling. 

Shino: I wasn’t crying, don’t just say weird things. 

Mithra: You did not deny being left behind. 

Shino: Shut up. 

Heathcliff: I’m sorry, Shino. I was looking for a specific exhibit, and before I knew it, we’d been separated. 

Owen: This one didn’t deny it either. 

Shino: Be quiet. How dare you interrupt Heath. 

Shino Don’t apologize, Heath. It’s a servant’s job to stand back while the master has fun. 

Heathcliff: Don't say that, I was looking for you. I finally found a place in the exhibition that interests me. 

Shino: Are there any machines or contraptions? You said you wanted to see them. 

Heathcliff: The selection is amazing. It's a spring-style wind-up toy, but it turns in the opposite direction than is usual, so let's go see it together. You might be bored though… 

Shino: I’ll be waiting here. You should go take a look around by yourself. It'll be more fun for you if you go alone than if you watch it with someone who doesn’t know much and can’t appreciate it. 

Heathcliff: Shino… 

Shino: I don't want to interfere with the things you love. 

Heathcliff: …I see. I apologize, my request was unreasonable. 

Shino: What? Why do you suddenly look lonely? Fine, I guess it can’t be helped: I'll go around with you. What a spoiled guy… 

Heathcliff: Whose fault is that? But thanks. 

Owen: Tsk, what a boring conclusion. 

Mithra: What do you want? ...I am beginning to feel fatigued. 

Rutile: Let's go see the exhibition together! There are artificial flowers that pass as real, and elaborate mechanical dolls on display.

Owen: Did the moon curse any of those so that you die if you touch them? 

Mithra: Is there such a curse that attacks people when they get close? 

Rutile: There don’t seem to be any changes like that so far, so don't worry. 

Owen: Really? What a letdown. Let's go back to the Manor after all. 

Mithra: I will do the same. If anything happens, please blow that bird whistle and I will rush to your location right away.

Rutile: In that case, can I blow it now? 

Mithra: Did you hear a word I said? Please don't blow it for no reason. 

Rutile: But my reason is that I would like to tour the exhibition with Mr. Mithra. Don't you want to share a fun experience with someone else? I'd like to find out more about your feelings and the things you like, would you please tell me about them? 

Mithra: Sigh…

Rutile: Hey, come on, let's go! 

#Mahoyaku #Promise of Wizard #mahoutsukai no yakusoku #Arthur #Oz #Riquet #Cain #Snow #White #Mithra #Owen #Bradley #Figaro #Lennox #Mitile #Rutile #Faust #Nero #Heathcliff #Shino #Chloe #Murr #Shylock #Rustica #Akira #3rd anniversary #Sincerely a rainbow of stories for you #mhyktl

[callmeyourala]

What are you studying in uni? And do you have any useful tips regarding university (before you start, while you’re there etc. could literally be anything☺️)

I don't share personal details like my degree and age etc, but for context I'm studying a health-related degree.

Random tips for university...

Honestly I feel like you'll figure it out. Before I started university I watched every "university day in the life" video and "university tips" video. I'm in my third year and not using any of the tips that I saw in those videos.

University, especially if you're living away from home, is most people's first taste of real freedom and independence. You learn to budget, keep a clean and functional home, grocery shop, cook, study without being prompted, attend lectures without fear of your parents being alerted if you don't attend class, stay out for as long as you want doing what ever you want and much more.

University is probably the only time in your young adult life when you're alone with your own thoughts and are forced to get to know yourself, before you are likely swept into the hussle and bustle of the 9-to-5 life.

Try everything. Everything and anything you've ever been interested in, try it. Even if you think it's not cool or interesting or fits an aesthetic you are trying to fit, do it. There isn't a time when you are an adult that you will have as much unlimited access to social activities, that are highly subsidised, with people in a similar stage of life to you, whilst you also have a flexible schedule and copious amounts of free time. Take advantage of all of that.

Socialise and get to know people from different walks of life. You learn how to interact with people and make connections/friendships for life.

Apply for scholarships and bursaries. No brainer. Free money.

Do internships during your summers; secure that post-graduation job role early, so you're not worrying about it too late.

I don't have great tips for studying honestly, I have a practically photographic memory and have been able to maintain 2:1/first grades with little to no effort. I have heard that the "active recall" method works for people so check that out!

Explore the cities surrounding your university. Hop on a train and learn more about the country you are living in, especially if you are considering moving out of your home after university. There is way more to the world than your home town.

Study abroad, if you can. Take free language modules that your university offer, if you can.

If you hate your course after you start it, talk to lecturers from other courses and see if you can transfer. No point wasting time doing a degree that you hate. You'll either drop out, get a below average grade and/or hate your life.

Get on Facebook (hate, yuck, throwing up), unfortunately so many university societies connect with students via Facebook and it's where you can try and meet your flatmates before you move onto campus. Good thing is as you get more comfortable in your university you will use Facebook less (bless).

Eat your fruits and vegetables, stretch, go for walks, sleep well and drink water.. Health is wealth, and vitamin deficiencies effect your mental and physical health.

Do your laundry regularly, shower regularly, clean your room and change your bedsheets. I thought it was common knowledge, but since being at university I have learnt it's not...

Try not to get too many takeouts (clearly speaking to myself). Meal prep or buy good quality ready meals. Food delivery is expensive and not good for your health. Save your money and look after yourself internally.

Best of luck! If you have specific questions about university, feel free to send them through and I will try my best to answer them.

- ala ❤️‍🔥

#ala answers #not proofreading all of this - pray it makes sense

[msfbgraves]

The offer

“Daniele.” Michael stood up, opened his arms. “Piccino, come in.”

Daniel didn't move, only tightenend his fingers around his hat. “Where is everyone? Apollonia?”

“She's gone out to get lunch,” he said, a warm smile on his face. “She left us food, though. Come. Sit!”

“Pop not coming?”

Michael sighed. “Daniel. What have I done to you?”

He looked down. “Nothing, Michael. Why?”

“Then why do you treat me like an enemy?”

He breathed out. “I don't mean to.”

His brother came to him, embraced as warmly as when they were boys. “I know I hurt you once,” he said. “And you know I didn't mean to. When will you forgive me?”

Daniel looked up, saw the pain in the eyes of his brother was as real as ever, too. “I don't mean to hurt you, Michael.” He kissed his cheek, bowed his head. “Perdonami.”

Michael stroked his arm, laid Daniel's head against his shoulder. “Life has been hard on you these weeks again, hasn't it?”

Daniel took a deep breath. “It hurt. Hearing what Terry did that night.”

Michael took his hand. “That's why I asked you here. Come, Piccino. Sit.” Daniel let Michael take his hat and coat, something his brother would normally have left to Apollonia; Daniel would have done it himself earlier only that he'd never met Michael here alone. Little Tonio was nowhere in sight, baby pup Mary either, they must be with their mother – who had never not welcomed him, son at her ankles, daughter on her hip, scolding little Tonio to let zio Daniele come into the kitchen before demanding kisses.

The room felt cold without them.

Michael was warm too, with them, or at Daniel's own home – he loved his little nieces and nephews, pockets always full of money for candy and toys; he always had an earnest look at their artwork and a listening ear for their adventures. Michael missed nothing – no information too trivial to go to waste on him. But the way he held Daniel's pups on his lap was always warm and genuine and it made Daniel feel guilty as all hell.

So he sat, let Michael bring him a plate of chicken cacciatore. It really was a marvel of a dish, possibly because of something Apollonia did to the polenta. She'd die before she'd tell him, of course.

Michael raised his glass. “Your health, Daniel.”

“Salute, begli occhi.”

Michael laughed. “Pretty eyes? You're one to talk.”

Daniel sniggered back. “Why did you always hate that nickname? They are very pretty.”

That vague smile and of course no comment. Yes, OK, Daniel knew what they said about beta boys with beautiful eyes, but honestly. Nobody would have meant it that way growing up – Michael hadn't even presented when aunt Lisa started saying it, and Michael always was beautiful. More boys could stand hearing that in Daniel's opinion.

Leave it to Michael to feel targeted by such an innocuous remark.

“You're very beautiful too, Daniele. People have never stopped saying it.”

“Stop. You're making my head swell.”

That slight smile. “Your youngest, Luna. How old is she now?”

Daniel blinked. “I'd believe that question from anyone, Miguele, but didn't you buy that balloon with a giant seven on it?”

He nodded. “You see more than you want people to know, isn't that right, Piccino?”

“I think you're the master there, Michael.”

Michael's eyes crinkled. “Ah, Daniele – you could do great things, I've always believed that.”

Daniel ducked together. “You think it's easy, keeping seven pups happy?”

His brother's tone softened. “No. And you do it well. In a strange place too.”

Daniel took another sip of wine. “Not strange anymore. I've learned to drink stout.”

Michael frowned. “Why?” He reached out a hand before Daniel could think of a reply. “You know you can always come home.”

Daniel blinked. “I know.” He looked around. “I'm here.”

“Not often enough, caro.” He leant back. “He doesn't like you coming, does he?”

Daniel swallowed. “Terry doesn't stop me.”

“Daniel.” The word had a very heavy emphasis. “You've done well.”

“Thank you, Michael,” Daniel said, no less pointed.

Michael looked him up and down. “You might have another litter yet, isn't that right?”

“Maybe,” Daniel said slowly, hand on his heart. “God willing. Though we have been very well blessed, grazie a Dio.”

“You could love ten more, I'm sure of it.”

Daniel looked away. “Maybe Apollonia won't have as many, but Michael, I'm sure...”

He shook his head. “Don't worry about me, caro.” He was silent for a moment. “But you. You must have been lonely.”

Daniel breathed out. “Not for a long time now.”

“Is that right?” Michael stood up, walked over to him. “Not even now?”

Daniel ducked together. “We'll get past it, Michael.” He stood up. “Thank you for telling me. About the girl. And her mate.”

He nodded. “Always, little brother.” He was quiet. “And yet you still suffer.”

“I'll be f -”

“I'll not have you suffer, Daniele.”

Daniel looked at him. He moved a hand to his bitemark, felt it warm against his palm, his fingertips.

“You can't help me, brother.”

“I could bring you home.”

He closed his eyes. Bit his lip. “I have a home.” He looked at him then, defiant. “I've built it.”

“On threats and tears.” He embraced him again. “That can stop, Daniele.”

He loosened himself. “What does Pop say?”

Michael smiled. “Pop's an old fashioned man, but he'd never refuse you.”

“You haven't discussed it, then.”

“Not today.”

“There is nothing to discuss!”

That deep well of sadness in his eyes. “You'd have him shame you, then, fratellino? Again?”

He stepped back. “You are shaming me now, Michael!”

“No.” He took his hand. “You gave yourself so we could live. Let us repay you.”

“No -”

“You'd have suitors, men and women, who'd never dream of hurting you. New pups to love. The debt repaid -”

“You are not killing my mate!”

Michael made an irritated movement with his hand. “Daniele, per Dio, don't say such things!”

“So you don't have any candidates lined up for me to marry?”

“You could have your pick of Alphas. Betas. Good people – ”

“Rich and well connected people, Michael, am I right?” He walked towards the door. “Please, where's my hat?”

Michael frowned. “Do you know how it looks, Daniele? To not retaliate now?”

He turned back. “I'm sure you can handle it, Michael. Excuse me, I must leave -”

“Why do you protect him?”

He shook his head. “I swore to love him. Before God!”

Michael walked forward again, wrapped him in his arms. “I swore to kill him if he hurt you,” he whispered. “Daniele, let me help -”

Daniel hugged him back. “I'll pray for you...”

Michael pulled back, looked at him. His eyes were glistening with tears. “We should have fought for you,” he said, eventually.

“Yes,” Daniel answered. And then: “Forgive me. I need to go home.”

Michael took his hands. “Stay safe, Piccino.”

Daniel sighed, heart heavy.

“I'll try.”

#knights and pawns #omegaverse #mob au #daniel larusso #michael corleone #tw cheating

[of-another-broken-heart]

It feels real pointless to write anything at all anymore.

Everything is the same. But crumbling. Rotting. Like me.

This morning I couldn’t get to the toilet in time. Well, that’s a lie. I got to the toilet just fine. My bladder didn’t give a shit. It gave piss. And it did that virtually the instant I stood up. So the only thing keeping me from becoming and ambulatory urine waterfall was the force of my thighs smashed together, blocking the route.

And you know what’s real hard to do when you’re crushing your legs together as a makeshift piss dam? Removing your pants.

So it went fucking poorly and I ended up using my clothing as a towel to clean up my own mess. Thankfully no one else was home/awake to witness my mortification.

And then. I’ve been so fucking tired today. I slept, but not as much as I’d hoped or wanted. But I was hungry. We don’t have much. I spent money I shouldn’t have to buy dinner last night, so i shouldn’t have even BEEN hungry. Stupid poverty cripple should be fine eating once per day.

But no, I was hungry. So I tried to make one of the packages of farro we got, from the Full Cart boxes I think. No one else here will eat it. Because it’s new, it’s different, and it’s not plain. One of the flavors is Porcini Mushroom, the other is Butternut Squash and Kale. It cooks with just boiled water. Butter if you’re feeling fancy.

Well. I wanted to feel something besides miserable and exhausted. So I put some butter in the water, and set it to boil. And had myself another bathroom break. This time without any bladder betrayal bullshit.

But I took too long. The water boiled over, and because it had butter in it, I set a cute little stove fire. The whole house got smokey. No actual harm done. Just made a 24-minute task take an hour, instead. Just made a “boil water; add food; wait” project into an hour-long cleaning and self-berating frenzy, instead.

I considered just throwing out the water (with butter in it). I don’t deserve to eat anyway.

I already wasted some butter by letting it boil over and light on fire beneath the burner. I better not waste anything else.

So I set the farro to cook on the back burner instead, and went and opened up the doors and turned on some fans to clear out the smoke from my kitchen fire.

I sat and did nothing. One minute. Two minutes.

Intolerable.

I got up and pet the cats. Another minute.

Done.

I walked out to the mailbox. Hobbled, really. No shoes. Left knee might never get any better than it is. Left ankle doesn’t seem keen to get any better, either. Just a little more permanent disability. No big deal. It’s only my mobility. Who needs that. Five minutes.

Back inside. Still 15 fucking minutes on the kitchen timer.

Time crawled. The food finished. I turned off the fans, closed the doors, the smoke exorcised.

The farro was fine. It wasn’t what I wanted. I was still hungry.

I am still hungry. I hate it.

#personal #food mention

[happypeachsludgeflower]

when I was a child, we went to a sea food restaurant for the first time. (now it’s important to note that I had eaten imitation crab before and I loved it.)

So when my dad said it was all you can eat crab legs, I was excited. But sitting there and cracking crab legs to pull out the meat to eat is slow and tedious, so I thought to myself with my young eleven year old mind “self, I should crack a bunch of legs and empty them to make a pile so I can then eat the meat without pausing every bite to fight for food.”

So after cracking a bunch of legs and piling my crab meat up.

It turns out I hate crab.

My dad was pissed. To this day, he’ll occasionally bring up how much money I made him waste and how irresponsible it was of me. Of course, when he brings it up now, he’s making fun of me and trying to embarrass me—it’s more about getting a rise then being mad anymore.

Now, I’d like to be clear, he told me it was all you can eat crab legs. Unless I’m much mistaken, that means you pay a single price and then eat as many as you want. All you can eat does not, in fact, mean pay per leg.

So either a) he lied about it being all you can eat, in which case, it’s his fault for giving me false information, or b) he’s lying about how much he spent on crab, so again, he’s being a huge ass.

Frankly, I refuse to be ashamed of something I didn’t do wrong when I was eleven.

Edit: I have been informed by my sister that she ate all the crabmeat I cracked and didn’t eat myself. So his complaint about the crab being wasted is also bullshit. It wasn’t. My sister consumed it all.

#aita #kinda lol #I’ve already decided that I wasn’t #‘‘twas not me who was the asshole #because I was 11 #and it’s not like I purposefully went out to inconvenience him #family life #family drama #he brings it up at least once a year usually more and I don’t find it funny #real story #someday I’m going to smack him

[talesofmetalandmagic]

Azir pays the tithe

“I think you’re getting too proud, Azir”

How? Azir wants to scream. He’s fallen to the bottom of the hole. He spends his days sweating in the sun, his nights blinded and stifled inside a cage, he eats food that tastes like dry bark at best, no one has come to break him free or at least beg for mercy (“they just don’t know where I am, they’re looking for me as I speak, Nasus must be fretting silly, they’ll never abandon their emperor”) and every time he gets some needed water he has to kiss the hand of his tormentor.

How lower can I fall, Xerath? I’ve savored dust and blood and sweat and tears, stained my name and disgraced my crown, and there’s no joy in my life to speak of. You’re either mocking me, or your cruelty is greater than the world itself.

The Magus hovers over Azir, bowed to the ground with his forehead on the sand. “Since I rule over you, and you’re mine to dispose of… I think you need to pay the price for your presence in this realm. How do you call that, do you remember?”

“A tithe, my lord”, Azir mutters. For once he’s glad he has to keep his head down, lest Xerath see the cold panic in his eyes. How can he pay a tax if he doesn’t have money… or anything for that matter?

Will he flog me, burn me, let his brainwashed priests do of me what he wants. He feels the tendrils of energy he calls hands stroke his feathers, but he doesn’t understand.

“Now if you were someone of importance, like the Emperor…” and Azir grasps the sand in rage, “I am the Emperor, you impudent madman, and I’ll prove it to you once I go free!”, “you’d pay your tithe in money. But given your position in the social scale right now… I decided to be nice and let you pay with a new currency, made especially for you. I grant you the right to raise your head.”

Azir does exactly that, cold sweat running down his neck… and he sees one of Xerath’s men holding onto a nondescript glass jar, the kind the palace cooks would use to keep jam, honey and other condiments.

The kind Xerath and I would raid from at night when we were kids and he didn’t loathe me for… for what, even?

Suddenly Azir remembers another usage for those jars, all over Nasus’ collection of samples he loved to visit as a child and tween. Samples of nails, eyeballs, scales, bones and… No, no no no no…

“Please, my lord. Not this.”

Xerath pulsates in cutting rage. “How vain of you, Azir. Do you consider yourself that beautiful, after getting your precious ascension?”

Yes. I’ve never felt more beautiful than inside this body. “My lord… It will destroy me. You don’t have feathers, you don’t know what it’s like.”

“I’ve studied my science: I know what birds feel like when you pluck them. But if you expect me to care about your pain, Azir, then you’re even prouder than I thought. My people would also pay tithes in blood, every day, without the right to babble like you do. Everybody must pay for their right onto this land. It’s the law, made by the old blood, and I just follow what I know. As for you… do you know who doesn’t pay tithes?”

“The… the Emperor, my lord. Them and their kin”

Xerath shifts closer, holding Azir’s neck. “And are you the Emperor, Azir?”

“No, my lord.” He hates how choked up he gets when he says it.” I’m not.”

“Good.” Xerath pats his feathered head in a mocking compliment. “Now fill that jar to the brim and get to the cave. You’re wasting my time.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry… Azir would bite his lip bloody if he had one. He rips each feather with a stroking motion, as if they were as alive as he and needed to be soothed as they lose their grip onto him. Once the jar is filled, he would stroke the sore part – a hidden spot underneath his armpit to maintain at least some of his beauty – until the jarring sensation of the bare, featherless skin loses at least some of its strangeness. It’s nothing. They’ll grow back. This mustn’t shatter me.

But Azir shatters at last in the evening, when Xerath’s priest light the fire he’s not allowed to bask into and he sees exactly where his precious tithe goes.

Seeing the feathers he ripped off himself burn to a crisp leaves the ex-emperor on his knees, hugging himself, as if his own body was on fire in there as well.

“You’d not survive a day in the life I lived”, Xerath says behind his back. Azir swallows his tears and nods once, to make him content. There’s always a lower spot to fall, a greater humiliation to pay, more pain he’s not endured yet, and Azir knows he will savor them all. The sore part he ripped the feathers off burns like an open wound.

In the following days he’ll resort to plucking feathers from different part of the body, to make his plumage look more uniform, but the empty spots appear anyway, and even the feathers he rips look smaller and smaller, needing more plucks to fill the wretched jar.

“If I had a hawk like this”, Azir finds himself thinking one afternoon. “I’d put it out of his misery.”

#league of legends #lol #emperor azir #azir #Xerath #azir’s new groove #Omah azir #self whump #defeathering #self mutilation

[repulsivechameleon]

Im doomed and This is my final destination..

Some people are born to set examples while others grow to be made an example of and im becoming one and i dont wanna see how thats going to end for me, other than suicide. Either ways.

My life is so colorless and i can barely get out of my bed to pee

I dont drink water anymore

Or eat much

I haven’t had food in 4 days and im not even phased

Im so unbelievably ill

Its like my depression is so bad it literally paralyzed me, mentally numbed me that i dont even care about my eating disorder, or my manic episodes anymore, everything is meaningless now even my anxieties and nightmares.

I never catch up until the damage is done good.

Nothing ever matters to me.

Mostly because nothing is ever under my control

Ive always felt like an outsider everywhere i went, maybe its cos im fat maybe its cos im black maybe its because im dumb and ugly or just chemically unbalanced.

I have fought to be normal and to belong every single day of my life just to end up failing at every simple little task i dealt with, just like how i failed every single thing in my life, somehow ill always mange to end up being the weirdo and the target.

I don’t understand how people can stand to be in a room with me.

Im the worst friend, the worst person I’ve known all i do is self destruct

Ruin relationships

Make everyone feel so fucking awkward and uncomfortable

Lie lie lie lie

Im so fucking ugly inside and out I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise but ifs impossible to ignore the truth.

Badly wired like shit

Im so sorry for all of this and what i am

I hate myself so much

I cant even look in the mirror without breaking down i don’t recognize myself anymore

Not even photos

I shaved my head and its so grown and i missed all of it

I’ve missed on major life events, mine and my friends unfortunately i cant take that back

It eats me up alive because there is no excuse for disappearing from thr people i love without notice, there is no way i can bring the days back. The hopes and dreams that we had, the lives we thought we were going to lead once we grew older together, your life is going to be much more better than the dreams weve dreamt once upon a time my friend and knowing that makes me the happiest person alive. Im so sorry to any friend i hurt and i might hurt. Im sorry.

I feel like someone ought to understand why im doing what im doing

nobody deserves to be burden with my stupid meaningless issues.

I have no memories or attention spam anyways

I dont remember anything

Ive been erasing who i am

I just thought this was rock bottom yet i somehow still manage to dive deeper to the lowest point

And the drugs dont work anymore and when the music starts to sound more like background noise without any significance to the words, i know my time is near.

Mental illness, lack of religion, brainwashed im probably going to be called all that but for once in my life i want to not care, call me that so fucking what ill be dead anyways we’re all going to die. Isnt life meant to be a test? This is it.

For once in my life i want to have a say in anything, i want to make a decision on my own and i want that to be my first and last decision i make, just once please.

I do miss believing. When i had religion i had peace and sometimes i wish I listened to my parents and never questioned anything, it would’ve been so much better, different, drastically different than this, different waves of depression but with more stability, anything but this. I wanna believe in something again but it’s kinda too late for me because i can barely look at my reflection and believe what i see.

Im so sorry mama n baba, i would kill myself to give you a better life and a different prodigy wannabe daughter but i just keep taking from you im just a waste of money and resources and i cant bare the guilt anymore, I thought I could fix it but im in too deep. The truth is so disappointing and embarrassing i think i would rather do anything than to face you after you learning about who i am, i dont know what to say than im really so sorry from the bottom of my heart the entirety of my being im sorry snd I love you and i love you and im so fucking sorry that i am the way that i am. Thank you for always being attentive thank you for giving me unconditional love and for making me feel the safest ive known, i know its not easy being my parent, you’ve done amazing and youre doing amazing still. You were just kids who didn’t know anything yourself, i wish that you can somehow forgive me. I fear a lot of things in this world but knowing that my parents could disown me and hate me if they learn my truth, it cripples me. I love you so much mama i love you so much baba. I wish i could give you one last hug one last time but youre a thousand miles away.

To my sisters,

My 2 beautiful sisters, you know.

Im the luckiest person to have had my sisters with me in this life. What a ride, The definition of the word sisterhood. I would take a bullet for my sisters in a heartbeat. Im so sorry

About everything, i hope you can forgive me, i know it grows conflict in your religion, but know that i am going to be at peace now and you dont have to worry about your baby sister anymore. Im not your liability anymore. I hope you grow old to become everything you both ever wanted. I love you so unbelievably much. I love you so much and im sorry. Im going to miss you like crazy. Im going to hug you both again someday somehow.

I dont know when but soon ill be gone, i have a lot to say but i dont feel like leaving anything behind because i dont want to be remembered or cried upon, im selfish for thinking that no one would think to shed a tear for me I know its not true but I don’t want to think about it, once again im a lesson to be learned. Its going ti be better for everyone in the long run. I’ll be more beneficial when im gone<3

I remember i was 12 thinking about suicide, then 15 attempting suicide, promised myself that i would take my life by 18, now 22 surprise surprise im still here.

I’ve always been fascinated by death, I’ve always planned my death it became so normal i would daydream about dying before going to bed and I remember when i was younger during my religious phase, I thought that i could kill myself ages 12-15 so all my adulthood responsibilities and the sins that accompanies that gone avoided too.

I remember thinking it wont count id be tried as a child that god will understand why i killed myself and will somehow sympathize and send me to heaven as if “god” is the highest judge in some sort of fancy supreme court or something that id have to defend my soul for that. I was a fucking child but it was smart. I wish ive done it tho; shouldve listened to the voices huh.

Whatever, im just lonely and bored out of my mind, I feel so old worthless and unaccomplished like I became everything i didnt wanna be, and there’s no going back.

Waadeena, you know that i would give you the world x

#last days #goodbye #last words #its not that deep #grow up #living with bpd

[kaldurcalm]

So apparently weed is legal here if the THC is under a certain amount, and someone I just reconnected with wanted to try it.

Anyway I really really really hate getting high, apparently. Dry mouth seems like a tame word for feeling the moisture being pulled from your muscles and knowing that even if you drink two full cups of water, it's not going to go away anytime soon. I've been dehydrated before and if you try to correct it all at once you just get water poisoning, so you've thrown up AND you have to replace that water too.

It was like caffeine and alcohol at the same time, my heart beat really fast and I went nonverbal, which isn't fun at all. Intrusive thoughts were harder to deal with.

I felt really tired but I didn't want to pass out on her couch, and Ms. "I have a constitution like a truck so I'll babysit you" pulled a blanket over herself and fell asleep.

The things that have been confirmed for me is that I do get a high off of caffeine, that I'm sensitive enough to feel basically everything right away, and that I'm stubborn enough to fight it off. If there's something that will ACTUALLY make me forget I either haven't found it or don't feel safe taking it, at least not in the dosage necessary for that.

Which, sure, is probably good, but not very fun.

I didn't like the shows she wanted to watch, so we put on Treasure Planet. I wanted to be productive and earn some money and this has basically wrecked that. It's two days later and I'm still tired. I still felt tingly last night, in a bad way. I was finally regrouping and starting to do things and this knocked me for a loop.

I thought I might get to be included in the happy chill fun times group, but nope, not for me. The gummy tasted so good, though. I want a truckload without marijuana in them. Do they even make those? It was fruit flavored, so it was pretty much fine for me.

My friend was cranky and tired and trying not to be and a lot of her comments hurt. I wish that people wouldn't assume the other person already agrees with them.

She got me a lot of food and that was great, and I went right back to H-Mart to get another can of corned beef because I didn't know something like that without sugar existed, and I really appreciate that and the fact that her husband got us burgers. They're so understanding of the sugar thing that she's proactive about it before I even say anything, and sometimes I'm like... it's okay. We can let this one go.

It's exhausting. I can't even buy ramen without a flare up. I had two croissants last week and it knocked me on my ass.

So I was still recovering from that, and this hasn't done me any favors, and she hasn't texted me since then. I did get a bit upset with her but... you know, I'm not super into get home safe texts, but after trying weed for the first time? Yeah I would have asked if she made it home okay.

I mean it's not like she's horrible, she asked if I was okay to drive and tried to help, but I still feel pretty defeated.

I looked it up and apparently you don't get REM sleep with weed, so maybe it messed with my already screwed up sleep schedule. It feels like something in my brain got reset, and it's something that I only just barely got fixed.

I'm glad I know now, because I was wanting to see if it could help reset my sleep schedule, but I wasted a day on something that made me feel so awful. I wouldn't have tried it if I'd known. I didn't realize the stimulant effect would kick my body in the brain like that.

I've only been up for six hours and I feel so gross. At least I got some studying done today, but that doesn't make any money.

#Personal #Cool cool I still don't know how many people are going to think I'm a degenerate for trying weed

[thesugarhole]

so i think it was saturday i had a free two hours or so and since i was done with 2kki updates then (i know i saw dont mention it im waiting it out till the end of the week) i thought hey lets finally go finish dd2, i left the campaign right outside the 5th mountain

so i go in there and have a much easier time because i remember the gimmicks, and i reach the hateful god. and i painstakingly whittle down the hp from 999 to about 100 without once getting face your failures. and im like hey! what gives! did not dawn on me once that maybe i had to kill those two babies at the same time first.... and im still not sure if that was what didnt trigger it because when i finally got a ghost it only took up one slot since hateful god is strictly in the middle. but well, its nice to know for the future runs. so i defeated them! (me?)

the ending cinematic is alright but i think the one from the first game impacted me more. i think, might be rose tinted glasses, havent gone back and compared. ~85 hours total, first game i think was ~92 hours before i went into dlc and achievement hunting

so here comes the real meat of dd2, which is completionism and achievos. i highly doubt ill be able to unlock every single item thats not bought at the altar of hope, but theres nothing really quantifying them anyway so im not that bothered by it.

first achievo i want to get after completing the game is defeat death, since ive only ever seen her in the flashback. so i go at it in denial since its one of the shortest chapters, and as im reaching the brain, having gone to every single fight possible, im thinking mhm. what are the actual chances of getting her? 6%. bad idea to have started with this one, and i only got to 1 shrine too for the characters i havent finished the stories yet, so this run might have been a waste.

the very last battle, before the inn before the mountain, she shows up so yay! i got good luck. and of course, promptly got her ass kicked, so i unlocked the chievo. teehee

forgot to party wipe to denial so im gonna have to do it one more time with that in mind. also, i think this was the first run i was able to complete with a hard difficulty flame on (the very first on the list, i think infernal?, im currently in the process of unlocking stuff by 1 cheapest / 2 useful) and i wasnt trying very hard, so maybe ive finally gotten decent at the current mechanics.

i decided to look at what i hadnt gotten yet and make a list from easiest to hardest so i dont risk like, going for the worst thing first while disregarding easy wins. after that, my next run my goals were:

master 5 skills in one hero: fairly easy in a fuck-it run. surprised i never did it before i finished the game, even. i guess i distributed mastery points as evenly as possible.

heal disease, remove negative quirk, lock positive quirk: it was at the top for easiest, but a lack of money and lack of disease getting could make the going tough. at the first inn, i got a slime mold: it has 5% chance of giving a disease. i thought hmm... i never got a disease from this thing though. oh well theres no more food so eat up occultist. (he gets a disease) :)! and i had an hospital scouted right away, so this one was easy peasy

defeat a lair boss (killing blow) with the bounty hunter: his poster also showed up right away, so i replaced him with the jester and went.... to the tangle. yeahp. was actually very easy because i took zero chances: everyone either buff up teammates, attack the roots or move around. bh is the only one damaging the general (save a starting move or two from highwayman/occultist). surprised very few people have this one, but id bet its hard to unlock naturally.

defeat 3 lair bosses in one run: i was aiming for this one too but then i realized the first confession only gives me two regions. oops.

hero shrines: wip. currently trying to finish alhazreds. otherwise my team is *my* usual suspects (V, J, HWM, FreeSpace).

party wipe to all confession bosses: wip. im with the lungs denial again atm but still at the start of the run because i wasnt able to touch the game since.

i guess im sharing because being able to do all this in rapid fire succession was good rng and luck and made me feel happy. made me feel like the guy smiling with its hands on its knees. AND it has the jester outfit on. imperative. hold on let me get it

^ i named this image silly.png

here's my list, easiest to hardest (to MEEEE):

i have (x?) next to some inn names because im not sure if ive already been there or not, since the images/names sounded familiar when looking them up. but this one is not something i can control (and am also surprised i havent unlocked it during mainline gameplay, guessing i got many repeats- they might have rarity variables that i currently have no idea if they can be influenced or not) so its play until it unlocks. i like to keep 'missing' lists just because

i dont have a shamblino (shambler + bambino, hope you like it) equipped in my current run because i didnt want to make things unnecessarily harder when going for the other ones, so that one will have to wait until all my heroes get breathed on too hard by resentment. pass their turns to death. its actually a bigger effort to die to denial than it is killing it jesus

thats all i guess. have a good week everyone

#sugar.txt #playing darkest dungeon

[xeter-group]

Another vent post man I love this platform

Why the fuck is life so short I spend 40 hours a week at work and then I get home and I have my hobbies to do which are almost all academic and then I have my chores and then on the weekend I have to buy food and get exercise and catch up on sleep I missed and wash my sheets but don't forget I need to do political advocacy too otherwise I'm completely bereft of morals.

And then my internal debate bro starts asking why I'm only advocating for an economic issue not advocating for any other issues. You are queer yet you aren't actively advocating for queer rights? You hate women and poc too? You hate disabled people? You hate refugees? You hate the planet? You hate developing nations? You are a hypocrite. You only pay lip service to your beliefs. You pay taxes to a war crimes committing nation.

You donated a bunch of money to a political organisation, yes, but it wasn't to direct aid. You could afford to donate more. Why did you stop at the tax deduction threshold, huh? But if I directly donated to people it would be a bandaid solution. If I donated to a charity it would go to admin staff only.

You're becoming captured in the political system by joining and donating to a party. But if I reject electoralism then I'm just a theorycrafting leftist who wages war against the peoples front of judea for not being radical enough.

By the way don't forget your existence is 25% consumed, hurry up. Be more productive. Be smarter. Achieve more. Yeah your thesis grades were the highest of anyone you talked to but you HATE YOUR HONOURS THESIS. ITS CLUMSY. ITS NOT NOVEL. YOU WASTED YOUR LAST SEMESTER OF IT. you're toxic and stress people out and make them feel stupid and it was good you left academics.

dont forget to exercise. Did you stretch today? Did you look outside? Your eyes suck. Have you eaten too much meat this week? Savage. Have you spent too much on food this week? privileged. Oh is your stomach too large? Thats not the kilograms of food and water you just had, you're turning into a pot bellied boomer dad. Your BMI is 19 thats basically on the pathway to being overweight.

what happened to learning chinese? No time? Typical uncultured white person. Can't look beyond their own borders. What happened to learning Khmer? Just because you don't talk to your Khmer mother anymore? Why do you only consider asian languages anyways? Yellow fever? Why are your friends all asian anyways? Only ever had one friend group? Isolated. Not social. Awkward. You're basically 100% white because you're not from east asia anyways. Can you even use chopsticks? Oh my god wow your spice tolerance is better than I thought it would be!! You know, because you aren't asian enough. Stop liking kpop. The companies abuse their idols, you can't look at them or hear their music. If you ACTUALLY had morals you'd boycott the industry.

Don't forget to internally reflect on your biases. Don't forget to reflect on your gender. You don't have time to reflect on your gender? You're faking it. You're not that nb/trans. Don't forget to voice train though. Your friend passes way better than you and you need to catch up to them. But don't be jealous either. don't look like you're just copying them. You need to develop a fashion sense. At your age and you can't even shop for your own clothes without feeling perpetually embarassed or awkward or scared or indecisive? Fucking lmao. Subject yourself to the beauty standards. Look at people online more. Judge them. Pick apart what you like and don't like. But don't do that to yourself, its fiiiine, nobody else is looking at what you're wearing. Are you even bisexual? You haven't even dated anyone. Of the two amab people you've ever liked one is now transitioning. The three afab people you've liked aren't. And anyways, if you are aspec its not that, its just because you're awkward.

You don't really need therapy. You don't even want to kill yourself anymore. Most people have dreamt up idle vague plans about suicide before anyways. Its not that bad. You don't have panic attacks like your friend/romantic interest/previously a romantic interest does. You're fine.

You're fine.

Nothing's wrong.

Everything is normal.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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I'm too busy for this. I have things to do. I need to wash my hair or I'll look awful at work tomorrow.

#vent #personal vent #sus

[madchild-dennis]

I know I know. I'm not ready to fully tackle it and sometimes unable to physically talk/type about it (like last night). I also hate that it has engulfed my life. I hate that it make me too distracted to tackle the government's fuckery. But, we'll talk on the funk, soon.

I do want to talk about something I sat and talk with someone about:

You see this individual did ALL the things that the government is claiming to provide. And still could NOT elevate himself. In fact he now choosing to do things he dislike so that he can do his best to progress himself.

Did you know this person did the work and effort in the Heart program and still got NOTHING. Apparently only a few of his classmates, despite being ahead in the class, got the certification. In fact he said it was a scheme and problems cooked up by the organizer of the program. Plus the overall structure is so lacking that MANY of the programs become USELESS.

Therefore the whole FREE EDUCATION THROUGH HEART TRUST NTA is USELESS and a waste of fucking time.

Then he emphasized how he would not go back even for the free program because who'll pay for his fare, food, uniform and more during that time.

That sounds very familiar. Sounds like I made this very point before👇🏾:

Source:

Then this person revealed that he is NOT currently working. He even break down how he not just survive but also fund the goals he's been working hard to achieve. Oh yes, it is by what you think. Nope not like me, which is by God providing through others. But by skillfully redirecting other people's money without their permission for his use/goals. He even break down how (I was curious). He said he is NOT working because minimum wage is SHIT.

I did not just leave it there. I asked "if minimum wage was $29,000/week would you drop the scamming and work".

He loudly and excited said yes. He even said "why would I work for people, be disrespected by the owners, deal with rude workers and more for $13,000 a week. What I can make in a day by using my phone."

So what I get here is the system set up by the government to make minimum so low, exploitable and unliveable is what making many people, who rather do the right thing, go to do unsavory work.

Nah let me not be so nice about it.

The fucking GOVERNMENT AND THE SHITTY MINIMUM WAGE, LACK OF CARE FOR WORKERS OR UNWILLINGNESS TO STAND AGAIN LABOUR EXPLOITATION IS THE REASON THE COUNTRY IS FAILING, FILLED WITH SCAMMERS AND THE SEVERE BRAIN/LABOUR DRAIN AS THEY ALL MIGRATE (or try to).

I just want to tell ALL who jump on/off boats, hike jungles and struggling while undocumented abroad to be SAFE. And MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND PROTECT YOU. BECAUSE the potential for betterment, good life or even a life at all is NOT in this JAMAICA with these FUCKED UP leaders.

Now to the Jamaicans left, decide.

Either you FIGHT, or there are ways to leave (legally as well if you can). There is NO SPACE for complacency or indifference or else you will be destroyed. If you're ready to fight, I'm already fighting for you against those fuckers.

You just have to STAND WITH ME. STAND for INTEGRITY. STAND FOR JUSTICE. STAND for GOOD THINGS not shiny shit.

STAND FOR YOUR RIGHT. STAND FOR YOUR JAMAICA.

JAMAICA LAND WE LOVE.