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stealingyourbones · 1 year

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Bruce isn't the best parent, but a chunk of the issue is that he's an only child. Should he stop Jason and Dick from throwing Damian back and forth like a human ball? Is Tim threatening to bite Cass an issue? Are those death threats serious or not? The poor man is an only child trying to run herd on at least a half dozen feral siblings. He exists in a state of constant confusion.

This isn’t to be mean, but that is simply not the case.

I keep getting bad parent bruce takes and it sucks because all of them aren’t even proper reasoning for his character.

I’m just using you as an example, but hear me out.

Bruce is an extremely smart person, Homie has watched movies and read books, he can learn from situations around him that things are sibling things. Sure, he was excluded as a kid, but that isn’t nearly the main issue why he isn’t the best parent.

homie has so much shit wrong with him, he’s emotionally just not there, he keeps himself stuck in a perpetual state of grief and mourning for his parents of a thing that happened when he was a child, he has been trained by assassins and has experienced loss and pain to an insane extent, he has such an insane extent of paranoia and trust issues that it affects his daily life, is definitely autistic, and has issues with social cues.

I’m trying to properly articulate just why that’s not the case but my brain isn’t working with me so I’m handing this over to my twin @bonebrokebuddy who is far more articulate than me.

———

Hi, it's Billy, Bones's twin writing because Bones had a hard time putting this into words and I'm more of a canon nitpick than her.

Uh- have you ever. And I mean even once, met an only child.

I promise, if you read even a singular comic, you could tell this take is incredibly out of character.

Bruce isn’t a good parent. He’s also not a bad parent. He loves his kids. He literally could not stop them from pulling dumb shit if they tried and putting themselves into danger.

Bruce is the worlds greatest detective. He knows how to spot and detect emotions and trouble in his kids. He’s The Worlds Greatest Detective.

His issue with being a parent likely comes from having Alfred as a father figure. Imagine having a dad that you can fire at any time, you pay so they can stay with you, and can just leave at any moment if they don’t approve of the person they work for. That will severely fuck up a kid.

His issue isn’t that he’s an only child, it’s that it’s every Robin’s god given right to go against and defy Batman’s orders whenever possible because kids are viscous little buggers who don’t like being told “you can’t do that” even if it’s for their own health, they’ll do it anyway.

After you’ve taught your kids how to exist in deadly situations, they think they’re invincible when it’s because Bruce is doing all he fucking can to make sure his kids don’t get hurt. If they feel like they can make the world a better place, they’ll do it, regardless of the risk because they’re inherently self sacrificing and good people.

Bruce’s issue with parenting is due to his relationship with his kids. Again, it isn’t that he’s an only child, it’s that the kids he adopted are their own people and they are even more stubborn and bad at communication as him.

Even more so, it’s due to the dang narrative.

Conflict between Bruce and his kids that cause them to separate has been the backstory for plenty of solo batkid runs to endure Batman isn’t as involved or the main focus of the run.

Narrative tension is literally the cause of all the bad parent decisions for Bruce, because conflict drives narrative or miscommunications cause the story to lengthen and complicate itself

it’s not as easy as “Bruce is bad dad” because he’s Not. Bruce is good with kids! He has a pouch in his utility belt specifically with suckers for kids!

But Bruce isn't a great world star dad either. He definitely inherited his ability to communicate with people outside crisis situations largely from trainers around the world and his arms-length-distance-at-all-times distance relationship with the butler who raised him.

Despite him being good with kids, his kids have lives of their own with morals and opinions of their own that conflict and clash constantly. It’s not a simple case of “Bruce is a bad dad.”

It’s a case of “everyone has slightly different opinions and approaches to situations so occasionally conflict happens when they clash or interfere with each other” because it’s a comic that tells a story!

Anyways, my recommendation? Pick up a comic. And preferably? Read it. Or watch BTAS if it’s more accessible to you. either works. This opinion isn't your fault most likely, just the quality of the DC fan-content you've been consuming that are incredibly removed from the comics. If you want, DM me at @bonebrokebuddy and I can send you some good quality DC fics with in-character Bruce.

————

Bones here again,

That basically sums up the exact stuff I couldn’t properly describe. I was using you more as an example because I have dozens of bad parent bruce takes in my inbox and I am 90% sure that the cause of them is that they simply haven’t read anything about the character.

Read a comic, read some strictly DC fanfiction, watch some of the many many TV shows and animated movies, there are even motion comics free online to watch that have voice acting and everything!

Being an only child doesn’t make you a bad father.

#bones rants #both Billy and I were just a tad annoyed sorry #just please pick up a comic #please. read a fanfic or watch literally any DC content.#bones replies #dc #dc comics #billy replies #billy rants #billy here. had to edit my text convo from what bones originally posted bc ya boy swears too much over text and it came out as mean. my bad #so now its in a more neutral tone.#but genuinely. read batman year one. or something.#dm me if you want incharacter fic recs. some of them show bruce as a flawed parent (bc he is) but that doesnt make him a bad dad #it just shows how he's not great at communication and therefore not superb at compromise.#bruce is wacky intelligent. hes also got the tism vibes in communication with his kids

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h-f-k · 28 days

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what did you think of the album? Any standout tracks for you?

spoileeeeeeers and long ass raaaaaaaant

okay so... i have MANY thoughts and none of them make sense so i'll try my best

I liked the album. It's a vast improvement from midnights but it's just that, a small upgrade. Production wise i feel like Aaron borderline saved the album from being another midnights, ttpd suffers from what i call 3AM Bonus Tracks Syndrome which is that: Aaron providing a breath of fresh air which was incredibly needed after having jack produced 99% of midnights. I love jack and i love his solo stuff but for me the formula swift-antonoff doesn't work as well as it used to and if it does it gives one great song and the rest are just there.

There were three or four songs that really stood out for me. Florida!!! doesn't make any fucking sense to me (i literally had to ask in the gc what the song meant bc i was like huh????) but the production is extremely cool, THE DRUMS????!!!!! GIVE ME REAL INSTRUMENTS!!!!!! I really liked it, it grew on me and now it's one of my faves. So long london is another gem and i remember really liking down bad upon first listen. The smallest man who ever lived is also a song i like. But the rest is just there, my only thoughts while listening to them were "oh... this is cool. i can't wait to never hear it ever again".

Lyric wise... oh boy. Now i don't like to pretend i'm a poet (i'm looking at you taylor) or that i'm extremely well versed with words or that i have an literature degree because i don't, metaphors sometimes are hard for me to understand/grasp and i relegate that to the people who know best bUT the lyrics are all over the place. Again, an improvement from midnights but they still felt clunky and very surface level. Some of them had great concepts but terrible execution and some of them straight up suck. My main issue was that the album felt super repetitive. When i first started listening i really felt bad for taylor, it was painful even but then... the same concept and words kept popping up and it's just more of the same. like i get it, she's sad, she's depressed and i'm not expecting her to write about other stuff if the main subject of the album is being heartbroken or shit. when i started listening to the album i was like 'oh, that's sad, i feel for her' but halfway through it i was like girl if you don't shut up and stop trying to feel sorry for yourself... like there's a moment where the constant repetition of the same thing makes me roll my eyes, especially because she doesn't know how to express it in a different way. it's all pretty much straight forward "we were gonna get married" "you were the love of my life" like i know you can communicate these concepts, these words in a different way!!! why are you repeating yourself so much!!! if you remove some of the songs it makes no difference, it still gets the point across.

as a whole this is probably her messiest album, because nothing, and i say NOTHING makes sense when you put it all together. i know she's not known for making concept albums or for being a visual person, but this album feels incredibly disjointed, it doesn't feel like an album, it doesn't feel like a body of art that was well thought out. the most satisfying part about an album cycle is when you connect all the pieces like the photoshoot, the music videos (sometimes, not all the time), the art direction and overall aesthetic you create for the mkt campaign the pop up shops etc etc, the music, the lyrics, the general concept/theme of the songs and it all makes sense. it's an eureka moment, it's a moment where EVERYTHING makes sense to you, it answers every question you had, why the physical cd is blue, why the booklet uses helvetica instead of times new roman, why the color palette is dark, etc etc. tortured poets department doesn't do any of that, in fact it confused me MORE because with the album art she said one thing, in the lyrics she said another thing and with the promo videos we've seen she said another thing and it'll probably happen the same with the music videos. Which is fine i guess she can do whatever she wants but to me it feels like there wasn't a clear vision, i think it was a bit clearer than midnights but not by much.

overall it's an ok album. i'm pissed because i know she has the potential to do more, ESPECIALLY this being her 11th studio album and the insane amount of resources she has at the palm of her hand. i'm not asking her to create a new music genre, to come up with a screamo album, because that's simply not what she wants to do which i respect but it's so frustrating to see her have all this success and "power" and do absolutely nothing with it, like just call at least ONE more person that isn't from your inner circle to produce your music, at least do that!!! and this is why her last albums felt so repetitive.

idk i was hoping that this album would make me fall in love with her music again but idk, i'm drifting away more and more which sucks but i really can't help it. i might save the songs i like to my spotify and that's it.

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tizniz · 3 months

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putting this under a cut because it's gonna get dark but also just...need to type this.

so. if for some bizarre reason you choose to read this, read with caution. or skip over. probably better if you skip past this and carry on.

a fun thing to realize on this 'lovely' monday night or tuesday now is just how few people would actually genuinely care if i disappeared. if any.

what brought this on you might ask, not that anyone is asking? well besides the normal horrid thoughts that run through my head on a constant basis, my mind decide to bring up the memory of when i was cleaning houses. and it was one of our regulars. and it was the same bathroom i always started in. and i got a message from someone who used to be an incredibly close friend. the message was saying that she was being committed because she had tried to commit suicide and was going to be gone for a bit. i sent replies but they went unanswered. i stood in that bathroom numb with fear and terror and a broken heart. i didn't hear from her for a week. i'll add that she's fine and happy now, with a partner and living a good life. we don't talk anymore because she's pulled away but i want nothing but good for her.

and that memory had me thinking about people if i were to disappear. and i just...i don't really have anyone?

what about family maybe, is what a normal person would ask, right? well. i just talked to my one brother for the first time on the phone since i saw him in person at the beginning of october because our relationship has became so strained. despite him and i being probably the closest in our family. my other brother i've talked to on the phone probably less than 10 times in our entire lives. there's a large age difference and it isn't until the last like...5 years we've developed any sort of relationship. i still know very little of his life tbh. mother? nope. i've been remembering things (a little, barely) from my childhood that are making me realize how bad our relationship truly is. a child should not feel as if their mother resents and regrets having them. that is how i feel. father? even worse. talk on the phone once a month, but only for six months of the year because he goes down south and can't dare to spend that extra penny, for maybe five minutes because he has this 'list' of things he discusses.

i genuinely do not have anyone in my life. work would miss me because i do so much but they'd replace me. and the only real life friend i have is hours away on the island and also married with 3 kids. we don't talk that often.

i know i have people here online that i talk to, but no one who really knows me?? and really, they'd move on. don't lie -- you would. i'm just a passing boat in your life. and look, i know part of it is on me for not letting people in, but that's because there's a lot of shit and no one really wants that. they want the fun and happy stuff. they don't want the dark and bitter stuff. learned that the hard way. multiple times. my heart can only take so much.

so i guess it just...sucks? realizing exactly how alone you are. and how much that sucks.

because no one would really know if i disappeared. no one really checks in. and i can't even fault anyone. i don't fault anyone. because i know everyone has their lives. and they're doing their own thing. and i'd never fault anyone for that anyways. i love seeing y'all live your lives.

but i know no one really cares about how difficult it was for me to get out of bed this weekend. how i wanted to just lay there and fall asleep and not wake up. and how much i'm dreading the long weekend coming up this weekend because it's one extra day of going through this. no one really cares about the scars on my skin or the itch i get to add new marks on a constant basis. bad enough that i had to buy new sheets because my old ones were stained with blood. no one really cares about the tightness in my chest that comes from the fear i face every day. no one really cares about the aches and pains i face every day because my body is basically shutting down. no one cares that i barely eat during the day. no one really cares, period.

and i'm not mad. i'm not.

i'm just...i'm tired. i'm so tired. and it was a gut punch to realize that no one would care if i disappeared forever. maybe for a little bit they would, but then they'd move on. and i don't blame anyone. really. i can't blame anyone.

i know i'm a lot. i'm too much. or not enough. or some odd mixture of both. i'm exhausting and tiring and can be overwhelming. it doesn't matter how many pieces of me i cut away to appease people. they always leave because of me.

i guess i'm just...ready to go away? to disappear and be done with it?

feels like the better option at this point.

i'm almost too tired to continue on.

i dunno.

#tanis rambles #trigger warning for...everything?#i dunno #don't read this basically #will more than likely delete this

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bandofchimeras · 3 months

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religious trauma diaryposting

nah you don't get it. in my house growing up the kids would actually CRY if we heard someone say "oh my god" or cuss. even trying to briefly touch on White Jesus and Jesus actually being a Middle Eastern man got my fam so freaked out about potential blasphemy (????? idk, guess you can't criticize any portrayal of Christ) they shut down this whole conversation we were having about Palestine that was actually constructive.

when I say I grew up Catholic I mean, devout, convicted, delusionally Catholic to the point we engaged in cult behavior. and I want to, and try to respect other people's cultural Catholicism and understand my own family's cultural ties to it but bro....it's ridiculous.

I can't even imagine saying "What if Jesus kinda sucked?" to my dad. Like I do not have a mental picture of what would happen. With my parents you can criticize them, but you cannot criticize the Church. You cannot cross the line of blasphemy. It's draining to try and have a normal conversation bc in order to do so I have to pretend that sex doesn't exist, everything the Catholic Church has ever decreed is 100% absolute truth, and bodily functions are deeply shameful.

I am 28 years old. I cannot waste anymore of my life navigating this insane bullshit.

Cult recovery is so weird when the rest of your family is still in it, I'm just figuring out you can be a person without following some complex set of arbitrary rules. Like you can just exist. I constantly feel like I'm about to be struck with lightning. When I'm around my family they can be so sweet and we can have some fun but there's always a trigger line I have to mind so they don't self destruct and shut down or lash out at me. Neurodivergent religious people are incredibly fragile. And being homeschooled, that orientation was normalized to the point, along with having OCD, I have had to teach myself how to interact with the public without praying in my head for their souls or to God to protect me. It's terrifying, at first, and I still don't really understand people who just exist and don't feel a wracking pain in their core all the time from losing that delusion of absolute certainty in a belief. It's comparative to being told the Sun isn't actually real, it's a big prop in the sky created to manipulate you.

Anyways forgive the drama on main. I feel like a constant outsider and a dogged sense of aloneness, and worry that no one whose out here engaging in pop culture and living their lives actually understands the extent of the psychological damage that comes from being 100% immersed in a harmful cult for all of your formative years and leaving it to become the thing they taught you to hate and fear, and realizing you are hated and feared for having been part of the harmful cult as well.

The only time I've felt close to being seen is reading Hell Followed With Us. I related a lot to Benji's soldier like mentality of adopting new language and concepts immediately, and his hard-line dedication to destroying where he came from to prove he is not on their side, not dangerous, etc. it's fucking torturous. So that book was not fun to read at all. I barely can recommend it and will never reread it even though I am very glad to have read it. Felt a lot like watching the Passion of the Christ.

So yeah fuck off with "why aren't you over that by now?" I don't think I will be over it until I'm brave enough to publicly blaspheme and bathe myself in pigs blood or do a burlesque number on the altar of my home parish lmao.

#long post #religious trauma #recovery #Catholicism

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studiomilkbox · 1 year

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Schizoid

Deep inside myself, my love feels relentlessly painful... all it does is hurt, in hopes that people close to me feel just like I do.

A crushed-Insignificant and achingly hollow kind of hurt.

I just broke up with a lady to protect her from this painful thing in me that wouldn't allow me to love her back… the way it's so easy for the rest of you.

One part of me said I was doing the right thing.

One part said I wasn't.

In the middle, I found it cruel and unfair to be so torn that I felt she deserved better (don't we all).

Funny way to protect somebody.

Everyday I feel my love the way you feel your love, only my crossed wires receive that message as worthlessness. Even in a healthy relationship.

Imagine how many times your heart swells every day...

To me that feels like a consuming anguish, torn between a lonely, temper-mad envious, kicking-screaming little tantrumy kid that is starved-desperate for it; malnourished and fed lies by a terribly possessive, manipulative monster that denies him the ability to feel anything except guilt and shame for wanting love in the first place.

So much that once he's allowed a toy, he's driven by privation to break it. So no one else can play with it.

I've lost a lot of good people over a lotta years… not knowing I've been buried in a hole of recusing turmoil my whole life, because I never knew what this was… pouring a lifetime of alcohol in that hole to float and drift covertly amidst you.

Ya see, I just couldn't stop drinking. Otherwise I'd feel this. Every day. Because turmoil is my baseline.

Five years of sobriety's only reward is feeling more like myself than I have in the past 25 years… the problem is, I feel like what I felt as a child. Empty and starving. Ravenous in a world, surrounded by feasting animals.

For years now I haven't really been able to feel anything about anything. Walking blind, oblivious of this black hole inside me sucking the light and joy out of everything that came close, as well as everything I do. everything I think.

Can't tell you how incredible 'nothing' feels like… it doesn't even hurt, because pain is informative. It's just a collapsed emptiness, ignorant of its helplessness.

Heartache isn't the opposite of heart-swell.

Heart-hardening is.

It's a heavily fortified suit of armor worn over the opposite of love.

But it protected me. This shutdown protected me by closing off all sensation. It kept me from feeling the unstoppable force of destructive love, breaking over my immovable object-relationships with the last few things that gave meaning to my life. In hopes to keep them safe from arrows of loss that had already penetrated; trapped in a suit of armor, bleeding internally.

It's an endless maintenance trying to stop wounds from bleeding out while trying to polish an inadequate form of defense from external attack.

Five years is a long time to live without your most prized coping device. It's a long time to live as a black hole too.

It makes you seek out anything that can serve as a surrogate.

I'm tired of using other people as a crutch.

I'm tired of indifference all the time.

I'm tired of lying and cheating and stealing from everyone just trying to scavenge off what they feel, pretending I made 'em feel it.

(Breathe) I've been at rock bottom before. Collecting damaged pieces and throwing out the broken ones… it leaves you with so few things to put back together to function as a whole animal in hopes to live long enough to replace what you've been forced to give up. Forcing yourself to live without.

Telling yourself it's all for the best.

That you've done the right thing...

Because, jesus christ, there's no such thing as a rock bottom in a black hole.

Recovery is a hard road for a scavenger. It's a constant crisis, searching for water to fill your gut to stave off hunger pangs of something that filled you so completely.

It's a lot of rewiring to connect, when you've never learned how to attach.

I'm jealous how easy it is for you to switch and change and get what you want, bearing witness while struggling constantly to get just a small piece of what I need.

And yet at the same time, it's absolute torture to take active part in something you've taken for granted so much, you honestly feel you don't deserve it.

It's a take no prisoners aftermath.

I have two warring factions inside me fighting each other, needlessly, for supremacy. One is a scared-stiff little kid, afraid to say or feel anything, lost in the bottom of my heart, crying in fits of frustration because I won't let him grow up. One is an angry-voracious mouth with spider legs for teeth, burrowing up and down through my spinal canal, looking for its next bone-meal. They're both trapped inside, isolating the conflict from collateral damage in solitary confinement.

It's my battle with addiction, against coping… because I want a drink, but I can't drink, because drinking only hurts me. And if I allow myself to, I won't stop.

I want love, but I won't feel love, because I don't want my love to hurt you.

And if you allow me to, I won't stop.

To those of you I've loved too much, I'm sorry.

Caught-22.

I did my malfunctioning best.

Stop.

I'm doing my best to atone.

Catch-44.

Doing my best to live without.

STOP.

#studiomilkbox #nickanello #writing #poetry #schizoid

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katetings · 1 year

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12 18 22

i tried this wine the other day: a tasty white macabeo from the south of france with a minimalist typeface and a pretty label.

after pouring myself a glass, i googled the name.

embruns.

french for 'sea spray' or 'spindrift'.

i was sitting in the pit of my depression this morning, big juicy tears running down my face, feeling nothing and everything all at once. that dichotomy is hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it.

i took a photo of myself to see whether or not my pain is something tangible or if it's this invisible thing that's silently swallowing me up. turns out, i look fucking terrible.

+ + +

i've recently vocalized to a few friends for the first time that i feel suicidal. when people hear that word – suicidal – they harden faster than you can believe. everyone always tell you to say it when you feel it, but when you do, people don't know what to do with it.

i think it's because everyone has their own experience with that word. something they've felt; something they've seen someone else feel; something they don't understand; an idea that seems so abstract – so encompassing – that it's just simply too paralyzing to navigate. my sister tried to kill herself when she was sixteen. i know that feeling in my guts: trying to make logical sense of something that is deeply psychological.

attempting to understand someone's depression or suicidal ideations is like putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound.

but, for several weeks, i've been trying to understand my own. after years of therapy and a whole lot of self awareness, it's always incredible to watch something engulf you like quicksand before you can say 'someone please help me'.

but, then: embruns. sometimes, i feel like i'm at the bottom of a wave as it crashes down and sucks me back up through its insides. those are the days where the big, juicy tears come and i've lost track of what direction is up.

other times, i'm behind the wave in calm, glassy water: sitting, observing, watching it coil, reveling in its beauty.

i really thought life would be a lot more of the ladder, but it turns out adulthood is kind of just a series of fucked up barrels that are coming for you whether you're ready to deal with them or not. + + +

maybe on your best days, you see the beauty in all of it. but on the worst days, the impending doom – the sheer inertia – is enough to make you drown. most of the time, though, i find that i'm caught in the spindrift. embruns. the remnants of the last wave. the residual shit. the slow burn.

it comes. it goes. it comes. it goes. it comes again.

it's this constant thing that does not stop. it'll whip you in the face when you aren't ready for it. it'll invigorate you when you are.

but no matter what you do, or how you feel, there it is. and, in examining this idea, i've realized that the spindrift is so much more engulfing than the wave itself. when i look at myself in that photo, i see so much pain. but i also see this passivity deep in my eyeballs. like, i don't want to die. but i don't really care if i live. i'm not going to hurt myself, but i don't care if someone else hurts me. we're all so fixated on the big, hard moments and how we'll deal with them. who will be there. what it'll feel like. but the devil is in the details, isn't it? the small moments that never stop. the feeling of being alone when you really want someone around. it's heartbreaking. i hope i'll revel in the beauty again one day. but for now, there's always another french wine to try.

santé.

#depression

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xans-ex · 3 years

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Otherside (Pt. 2)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Different Dimension/Alternate Universe. Heavy angst, smut, and fluff throughout multiple parts.

Word Count: 4254 words

Chapters-

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

*WARNING- Strong Language, Explicit Sex(Not in this chapter), Explicit Sex Talk/References(Not in this chapter), Violence, Talks of Violence*

This is the second part to the story :) I will include a little of the first chapter in the beginning just with how the second chapter starts, so bare with me ya'll. Also fun fact, when I write I usually find a song that overall gives me the vibes for the story, and the song that helped me write these two chapters is Sextape by Deftones :) Give it a listen-

youtube

Jungkook watched as the figure turned back around and ran across the other room and into the room on top that he knew gave stairs to the building. He was stuck. Now here bleeding out only to be given to police. This is it.

You stared at the screen in disbelief. There was no way this was how your brother was going to end this chapter. No fuckin way. You looked around in confusion before your eyes fell on the pencil in its holder. You wondered if you should erase it. Then when your brother hopefully comes back, you can tell him that the police accidentally wiped it and then later on convince him to have a different ending. Yeah...That would work. You grabbed the pencil, the thick handle sitting comfortably between your fingers. You hit the eraser icon and as soon as the pencil tip hit the screen, you felt warmth.

Almost like you were sucked into a hot room. A sauna, but without the humidity. It was bright for only a second, and then it was dark. You blinked slowly, your head pulsing. "Ow..what the fuck..." You groaned as you rubbed your temples. Your hands started to lift you from the ground, and you paused as you felt the feeling of concrete and small pieces of rocks. You looked up, the wind blowing your hair as you looked around. You slowly stood up, your eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinting from the lingering headache. You froze.

The city. How? You...You were just in your brother's room. At your parent's house. In the countryside. Did you never leave your studio apartment? But why were you on the roof? Was this whole time of visiting family only a dream? You looked around in disbelief before hearing a faint moan. You whipped your head around and saw someone laying on the ground, a pool of red under them.

"Are-Are you okay?" You asked, quickly running to them. You knelt down next to them, looking at their wounds. I-It's okay! I'm a nurse. I can help you..." You trailed off as soon as you saw his face. Jungkook. "Jungkook-" You slapped your hand over your mouth as soon as you said his name. He looked up at you, his face a twisted mix of pain and confusion. "Do I know you?" He choked out. "N-No. Um...what happened?" You asked. He scoffed. "You're a nurse. You should know..." He trailed off. He was going in and out of consciousness.

"Fuck, um...I'mma call 911." You said, reaching into your pocket and grabbing your phone. You paused when you saw you had no connection. "D-Don't call the police." Jungkook came back from consciousness, his eyes wide. "I need to get an ambulance for you, you're bleeding out." You looked at him up and down, his blood slowly pooling out as he lost more and more blood. "Please...no." He whispered. You looked around, hoping to see someone but there was none. "So do you just want to die out here?" You asked.

You didn't mean to sound mean, but he was being ridiculous at this point. "No...just...you're a nurse, can you take me to your place? I'll like...pay you or whatever to help me just please don't." He was pleaded but it all sounded like a stupid idea to you. Plus, did you even live here?

"You're fucking stupid, no! You've been shot, I have no idea what arteries might've been hit in that leg-" You panicked and Jungkook closed his eyes. He was really about to die out here. With a stupid, useless nurse. Which made it even worse.

"Fine. Whatever. I'll just die." Jungkook said. You gaped at him. "No fuckin way, come on, I'll take you to the hospital myself. Is there an urgent care near?" You asked. "You don't know? You found me." He winced as you grabbed his arm, putting it around your shoulders and slowly helped him up. "I'm um...not from around here." You murmured. Jungkook looked at you, his eyes scanning your face as you chewed at your bottom lip. "How annoying..." He grumbled. You contemplated dropping him back down and letting him bleed out, but then you realized that you'd have this man's life on your mind forever, and you don't want to deal with that trauma.

You two slowly but surely went to the open stairs of the building, making your way down. "Can we use an elevator? You're heavy..." You complained. He was practically dead weight against you, and as strong as you might think you are, a dead weight body is incredible heavy. "No fuckin way. The cops will find me that way." Jungkook was very stubborn, and he was starting to piss you off. "Fine. Then put more work in. You're fat and I can't carry you down all these stairs."

Jungkook rolled his eyes but started to carefully take some of his weight off of you, not wanting to do too much because he was still weak from losing so much blood. Eventually you two make it out the building from the side door, and stumble a couple blocks to a nearby urgent care. You sighed in relief when they took Jungkook into a stretcher and started taking care of his actively bleeding wounds as he was wheeled off. You sat in one of the chairs in the waiting room, your right side stained with his blood.

"Are you his family?" A nurse asked as she stood in front of you. You looked up at her wide eyed "Uh, oh, no. No, I'm just a nurse. I happened to find him and took him here." You combed your hair back, your bangs sticking to your forehead with sweat. "Oh? Where do you work?" Your mouth opened and closed before opening once more, thinking of how to even respond. "Um...is there a bathroom I can wash up in?" You stood, the nurse stepping back with a confused expression before nodding and pointing you in the direction of the bathroom.

You hurried into the large bathroom, locking the door behind you. You sighed, looking yourself in the mirror and gripping the sink hard, your knuckles almost turning white. "What in the ever loving fuck is going on?" You hoped your reflection would reply. Tell you this is all a dream. This is a dream. Yeah, it's a dream.

You washed your face, hands, and legs, already giving up trying to clean the blood from your pajamas when it seemed to just spread and make your skin wet and sticky. "Fuckin hell..." You sighed before leaving the bathroom and sitting back at the waiting area, away from any nurses who may walk past to avoid any further questions.

You felt like you were there for hours. You were there for hours. The sound of people crying and alerts over the intercom helped drown out the sound of your own thoughts. Your mind could beat Usain Bolt right now with how hard it was racing. You just sat quietly, cross legged at the ankles. You should leave. You kept telling yourself that, but at the same time you wanted to stay. See if he was okay. Maybe it's because you kinda pretended as if you were waiting for your brother. Hopefully not in these circumstances but to hope he was okay, might bring you some clarity. "Excuse me..." A doctor said as she walked over to you.

You silently hoped there would be no more questions. "Are you with Jeon Jungkook?" She asked. You slowly nodded. "He's fine, in stable condition. Luckily the bullets missed all the important organs and arteries. The bullet in his leg shattered and we had to take those out so please come back if there's any complications after discharge. But luckily the bullet in his abdomen went straight through with no massive damage so that was an easy fix."

She explained everything to you and you sighed in relief. This means you can leave. Finally. "He is ready to see you now." The doctor interrupted your thoughts. "Ex-Excuse me?" You couldn't stop your constant stuttering. "He has requested to see you." You opened your mouth but no words left you, so you simply nodded and followed the doctor through a set or doors towards the patient rooms.

"He's in here. Our visiting hours are over in an hour." She said, nodding to you before walking off. You looked back at her as she left, then turned towards the sliding door of the patient room. Your hand reached out to grab the handle, your fingers wiggling slightly with nervousness. "Annoying Nurse? I know you're there." You could hear Jungkook's deep voice from the other side of the door and you huffed, sliding the door open and going inside quickly. "Annoying nurse? I have a name you know."

"Never told me it, so that's your fault." Jungkook looked at you from his bed, his hospital gown slightly open showing a wrap around his abdomen. You then glanced at the cast on his leg, and the stack of pillows keeping it elevated. "My name is (Y/N), so you can stop calling me annoying. Please." You sighed, taking a seat next to his bed. "Fine. But only because you said please." He smirked. You rolled your eyes. "I just wanted to say thank you. For saving my life." You looked Jungkook in the eye, his eyes on his hands which were picking at his individual fingers.

"No need to thank me. It's my job." You gave him a soft smile. He looked over at you, and matched his smile with yours. "You work here?" You bit your bottom lip. "No...I uh...I work somewhere else. Out of town." You said it so quietly Jungkook almost couldn't hear you. "Oh...okay."

The silence was so uncomfortable you debated just getting up and leaving now, which you thought would be perfect. "Well, visiting hours are probably already over, so I will get going now." You laughed awkwardly, standing up slowly and wiping your sweaty palms agains your pajama shorts. You turned to walk out the door but then a hand reached out and grabbed yours.

You turned back around and saw Jungkook's bandaged hand engulfing your smaller palm. "Can you come back tomorrow?" He almost had puppy dog eyes with the way he looked up at you. "I...I don't know..." You started. "I'll pay for lunch...or dinner. Or whatever you want. Please?" You thought to yourself. "Hmm...fine, but only because you said please." You teased, and Jungkook snorted. He gave you a toothy grin and you felt your cheeks heat up slightly with his hand still wrapped around yours.

"Goodnight Jungkook." You pulled your hand from his grasp and slide open the door to his room. "Goodnight...Y/N" He said as you closed his door. He looked around the hospital room and sighed. "Such an annoying nurse." He chuckled.

Now that you were finally out of there, you could properly freak the fuck out. First off, where the fuck are you? Second, why in the fuck is Framed character, Jeon Jungkook, in the same world as you right now? Third, what in the fucking fuck? Fuck? You raked your hands through your messy hair, the reality of everything setting in. What if you're stuck here? What about your family? Your friends? Your job???

You rubbed at your temples. Okay (Y/N), don't stress yourself out too much now. Maybe if you just...go to sleep...you'll wake up back at home. It's a dream remember? You looked around. Where the fuck will you go? You contemplated everything and just realized you should probably just stay at the hospital. You had nowhere to go.

As you made your way back to the entrance doors, three cop cars pulled up and cops started to jump out their cars. You jumped back in surprise. "Are you alright?" One of the officers said, looking at your blood stained clothes. "Y-Yeah I'm fine, I was dropping off a friend." You stammered. The officer looked you up and down curiously. "Well anyways, have you seen this man? He is currently wanted by police." The officer scrolled on his phone before showing you a photo and you almost choked on your spit. A picture of Jungkook was staring right back at you, his purple dyed hair a mess. It's a mugshot.

"Uh...no. Why? What did he do?" You looked at the officer, trying to hold your composure. Why in the hell was there a mugshot of Jungkook? Is that why he wouldn't let you call the police? "We can't say that. Just wondering if you'd seen him." The officer asked once again, as if telling you to just own up to it.

Like hell you were going to do that. You got questions and this little criminal needed to give you answers. "Nope. Never seen him. If you'll please excuse me, my boyfriend was shot and I'm here to make sure he's okay." Your mouth was moving faster than your brain. Boyfriend? Why in the fuck did you say that? The officer's right eyebrow raised curiously. "Did you shoot him?" You cocked your head in confusion before remembering your current attire.

"N-No! I saved his life. Now...please excuse me." You pushed past the officer as you made your way back into the hospital and into the elevators to go to the patient rooms. Once you arrived on the correct floor you snuck past the nurses station, knowing if they saw you they'd tell you to go home since visiting hours were over. Once you got to Jungkook's room, you quietly slide open the door and closed it once you were inside.

"You're back?" Jungkook's voice could've startled you if you weren't already freaking the fuck out. "Jungkook...I just got stopped by the cops." You looked over at him and you visibly saw his adam's apple bob from the gulp he swallowed. "Yeah? And?" This fucker is playing dumb. "And? Jungkook you're wanted by the police! What did you do?" You exclaimed. "Okay, say it louder for the security down the hall." He rolled his eyes, his arms folded across his chest as he huffed, annoyed.

"I didn't do anything." Your eyes could've popped out your head with how hard your eyes were bulging at him. "The police seem to think differently. They showed me your fuckin mugshot, dude." You sat next to his bed, your hands raking your hair with frustration. "That was from something unrelated. This time...it wasn't me." He looked like he really wanted you to believe him. "What happened?" You just wanted to know. You weren't sure if you were sitting with an innocent man or some kind of killer but it would help to make sure?

Jungkook paused, his eyes dashing around as if he was thinking if he should even tell me or not. "Fine...don't tell me." You were starting to get annoyed. You were hoping he would trust you, with you saving his life and all, but that didn't seem to be the case. "(Y/N)..." He started but you were quick to shut him down. "Forget it. Good luck with your case." You slide open the door, your face turned pale when you saw a nurse walking with a police officer.

You slide the door shut once more, and Jungkook looked at you curiously. "Jungkook...the police are here." You whispered. You felt the room go cold and Jungkook looked around nervously. "We gotta go." He started moving, ripping his IV out his arm swinging his leg over the bed with a groan. "Wait what? What the fuck? N-No!" You walked over to him, trying to push him back by his chest. He pushed your hands away.

"I'm not about to be taken for something I did not do." He was angry. Frustrated. You hesistated, watching as he stood and grabbed his bag of clothes. "I'll...I'll help you." Jungkook turned towards you. "You will? Even though you don't know if I'm some crazed killer or not?" You pursed your lips. "Is that what they're trying to arrest you for?" Jungkook took a deep breath in, not saying anything else as he limped towards his things that were put into a hospital bag and then slipped on his hospital slippers.

He turned towards you again, looking you over once more as you stood there. "Are you just gonna stare at me or are you gonna come with me?" You nodded, going over to him and letting him wrap his arm around your shoulder once more. You slid open the door, looking in the direction of where the nurse and officer were and not seeing them. "They might be talking about you, we gotta go." You whispered and Jungkook nodded, following you towards the nearby stairs.

"Wait, can we use the elevator?" Jungkook looked at you as if you were the dumbest on earth. "You truly are the most annoying person I've ever met." He let go of your shoulder. "You go on the elevator, distract the nurse and cop, and meet me on the side of the building. I'll call someone to pick us up since you apparently don't live around here." He rolled his eyes and opened up the door to the stairs, wincing slightly in pain.

You nodded, ignoring his earlier remark and started for the elevator. Right as you were close, the nurse and cop you saw earlier spotted you. "Excuse me? Visiting hours ended a while ago." She said. You looked at her apologetically. "Sorry...my boyfriend was shot and I just needed to see him one more time. Bring him some snacks and stuff." You continued heading for the elevator, ignoring the calls from the nurse and officer as you pressed the first floor button and mashed the 'closed elevator' button repetitively.

Once you got to the first floor, you walked calmly out the door, ignoring the looks from the earlier officer that questioned you earlier. As soon as you touched the outside, a large exhale escaped your lungs. How long were you holding your breath? As you walked, you heard a low voice call out to you. "(Y/N)." Jungkook called for you in a silent yell. You hurried over to him, grabbing his arm once again to help him balance himself.

"Where is your friend?" You looked up at him. "Behind here." He started walking and you tried your best to help him along the way, the weight of his body was a little easier to handle now. He wasn't extremely heavy, but the amount of muscle on him did add to his weight and made it a little hard to keep hold of him.

As you kept walking you noticed a car parked with its lights off. You opened the door and Jungkook slowly sat into the back seat, wincing and groaned the whole time. You tried to look at the driver but couldn't. What if this is just his plan to kidnap you? You know what he's on the run for, getting rid of you will just make things easier.

"Come on." Jungkook grabbed your arm, pulling you into the car with him. You sat, a little reluctant but deciding it's for the best. You could have somewhere to sleep, if Jungkook doesn't kill you first. Once you were inside, you could now see who was driving. Kim Seokjin. Jungkook's other best friend in this story.

"Jesus Christ dude, who did that to you?" He looked back at Jungkook, his eyes then shifting to you. "Is this a new one?" That question almost seemed like an insult. New one? You don't remember Jungkook being a player in the story? How many relationships has he been in?

"Shut up and drive, dude. I'm sure the cops just realized I'm gone." Jungkook looked around, almost paranoid. "Okay fine." Seokjin started driving, waiting till he was on the road before turning his headlights on. He then turned on the radio, pop punk softly playing. Jungkook was exhausted. Terribly exhausted, and he couldn't help but rest his head on your shoulder. You stiffened at first, but then understood immediately and relaxed.

You smell good. He thought to himself as he took a slow deep breath, taking in your scent. Even though you smelled slightly of his blood, there was this other natural scent from you. Your hair smelled clean. Like you just washed it before finding him bleeding out on the roof. He appreciated this. It helps him relax.

The drive was long, but it helped ease the worry between Jungkook's brow, and he was relieved when you all arrived at Seokjin's brother's house. "My brother is away on a business trip for a month, so this place is yours until you figure things out." Seokjin explained everything to you two as he helped Jungkook get out the car. Jungkook gritted his teeth in pain. He looked over to you, seeing your tired expression. "Is it okay if we use his clothes?"

"Yeah dude, no problem. Just make sure you wash everything before you leave." Seokjin opened the door for you, letting you in first before helping Jungkook. "There's two bedrooms, so there's another place to sleep." You glanced around the place. This was a very nice house. One you didn't mind staying in for as long as Jungkook wanted.

What was that? You were thinking as if you were gonna be here another night. This is just a very long, draining dream. After tonight, you will wake up in your bed or on the floor of your brother's room and wonder what happened. "Thank you, Hyung." Jungkook watched you as you walked around. "Oh, so now we're using formalities?" Seokjin joked, walking Jungkook into one of the rooms and setting him on the bed.

"Alright, I'll leave you two be. Reminder, this is only for a month, so don't get too comfortable. And also, please clean up after yourself. Also please throw all your condoms away in the outside trash or flush them, if ya'll use those. I don't want my brother asking too many questions." Seokjin looked at the both of you and you looked back at him wide eyed, your face as hot as an oven.

"Hyung. Stop. We're just friends." Jungkook looked almost as flustered as you, his eyes quickly averting yours. "Really? Just friends with someone this hot? Then you don't mind if I flirt with them right?" Seokjin flashed you a wide grin and you bit your lip nervously. Seokjin is a very...very handsome man yet you couldn't imagine doing anything with him. Jungkook glanced between the two of you and something rose within him. Jealousy? No fuckin way. Either way it pissed him off seeing his friend look at you like that.

"Jin..." Seokjin chuckled, shaking his head. "And the formalities are gone again." He headed out the room and down the hall. "Alright kids, I'll leave you two alone." You both waited in silence, waiting for the sound of the front door to close and lock before both exhaling.

"Holy shit...um...well. This is nice I guess." You were trying to find anything to get your mind off whatever just happened and you could see Jungkook either was trying to do the same or honestly didn't care because he just slowly laid down onto the bed. "I'm going to sleep. It's been a long night." He grumbled and you nodded, the awkward silence engulfing the room once again. "Gotcha...I'll just...go into the other room." You headed towards the door before hearing the bed creak slightly.

"Goodnight." Jungkook stared at you as you walked out the door and slowly closed it behind you. "Night, Jungkook." You said before shutting it. Once you were out the room, you felt all the stiffness and uneasiness leave you. Holy fuck, you need a shower. You smelled of blood and sweat and it was utterly disgusting. You went straight into the bathroom and started the shower, shedding your clothes off and hopping in as soon as the water was scolding hot. You let the water drop onto your naked body, the water slowly washing the dried blood off of you and trailing into the drain. You grabbed the soap on the side and started scrubbing, almost as if you were trying to scrub five layers of skin off.

After your shower and you felt like you were fresh and raw from the hot water and hard scrubbing, you wrapped yourself in a fluffy towel and made your way into the other bedroom. Once you were inside you opened a dresser and saw a couple large shirts. You were thankful they were huge cause you didn't have any spare underwear to wear.

You pulled it over your head, the soft material falling over your body and resting at your mid thigh. You put the towel to your hair and dried your hair as much as possible, your arms felt so tired that just lifting them to dry your hair was a lot of work. You put the towel on the ground and made your way over to the bed and went under the sheets. This was what you finally needed. A comfortable bed. And now, as you fall asleep, you can look forward to waking up back home.

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I'm glad you guys are liking the first chapter so far! Wanted to go ahead and post the second part to kinda get the story going so you know where everything is going :)

Let me know if you'd like a part three! <3

DO NOT POST/SHARE MY WORK ON TIKTOK

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yayneloveart · 2 years

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I need to write this down, or else my head might just explode.

I watched The Mitchell's vs The Machines tonight and it tore me apart. I mean really, I got really upset watching it.

My teenaged years were shit. My mom died when I was 13 and it just kept going downhill from there. My dad moved out (yes, my dad left me, 14 at that point, my 17 year old brother, and 20 year old brother at our family home) so he could live with his girlfriend across town. They later moved me in with them, but I never lived with my brothers again. My dad eventually married his girlfriend and she became my Alcoholic Stepmom^TM

She made my life a living hell. I was incredibly depressed from my mothers death, constant bullying at school, and general mental health issues, and she didn't really... care. I was made to feel like a burden, like I was a constant problem in her life. I worked hard to be the best kid I could be, get the best grades I could, to show that I'm worth a damn, but it didn't keep her satisfied for long. I was never good enough for her.

She hated the fact that I'm an artist. She outright told me that I couldn't major in Art in college because... well... what the hell can I do with an art degree? How will I become a successful business woman like her with an art degree? Would an art degree earn me the same millions she earned as a business woman while also chugging wine all day and verbally abusing my dad constantly?

She has no idea what I do, what I create. My dad has put the effort in to read my comics, to talk to me about them, but she just acts like it's a dumb little hobby I'll grow out of. Everything I do and love she expects me to grow out of. Shes still waiting for me to shed my 'little kiddie' interests and become an Adult. (Jokes on you, I bring my lunch to work every day in a pikachu lunchbox. My coworkers think its cute. I'm almost 30)

Heres this movie where a teenaged girl is so excited to go to college and make friends and be herself, and the night before she leaves her dad wants to have a 'what if your lifelong dreams dont work out?' talk. She actively tried to share the things she made with him and he brushed her off. Of course, this is a movie and by the end he starts watching her work and seeing it as something worthwhile. I never got that happy ending.

I've had nightmares of my stepmom. I've tried to kill myself several times because of her. I hurt myself in an effort to deal with the pain she inflicted on me. I have a near mental breakdown every year on my birthday because one year she yelled at me so bad on that day that I had a mental breakdown. Despite it happening in front of several other family members, so one stepped in to help me. I was alone.

'Did you know that 90% of all calls from 'Mom' are ignored?' Well sometimes moms can be shitty. Sometimes mom will call you at 11pm drunk out of her mind and ready to start a fight. Sometimes mom will call you and interrogate you about your grades and nothing else. Sometimes 'mom' is 'stepmom' and sometimes they shouldn't have been a parent in the first place because they suck at caring for other people.

Sometimes parents suck and nothing can fix the scars they leave on you!

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outivv · 3 years

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Can I just explain why I love the toxic hcs so much? (Sorry, I'm just in love with this tumblr; you're the only one who really talks with us while still churning out incredible requests D:)

I can't think of a better place to get the smack of hard karma than in the face of a toxic person, yknow? So it hurts them when I use the classic "s/o is obviously behaving differently because of them" trope, showing how much they're hurt by their acts while still dismissing it (because why would S/o's ever be wrong?). It's something that acts as a constant reminder,

"Your toxic behavior is causing harm to the people you care for the most. And are solely responsible for your actions."

And I adooooore that. Nothing could be more painful than watching their toxic behavior carve its way into their s/o and cling to them, slowly sucking away at the affection and happiness that once existed when it was just s/o and them together.

It's so much fun to watch them get smacked in the face with some mental and emotional karma.

(&angst/comfortistOotallynotmywayofcoping)

1. I can’t take a compliment for the life of me, but for real that really ment a lot and I try my best to push out ideas while staying interactive with you guys as bast as possible. So thank you a lot for saying that :D

And 2. I’ve been wanting to experiment with angst recently, so I may write something along the lines of a cause and effect (if that makes sense?). But before I do that I may want to redo my toxic trait headcanons. I made the post originally when I didn’t know much about the characters, and the whole reason I made the post in the first place was to bring light to the characters and make them more human, and less of what the fanbase views them as at first glance. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense making it when I don’t know too much about them right? So I’ve been pondering that thought for a while. Mostly just cause angst go brr, and I want to look upon my toxic traits post for reference. (but I’m still glad that you enjoy the current ones :D)

#genshin impact #cal chats #yes I started a new tag because I’m not sure what else to tag things like this :’)

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woolywoofs · 3 years

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I thought id update my tumblr.

The past few months have been so difficult. Excruciating.

I have been practically unable to function and have been mostly bedridden since september. The only times I go out is to see doctors and medical professionals.

My rheumo honestly was neglecting me (my doctor was SHOCKED to hear how she was treating me/not treating me) so my GP took over my care, and changed my medication in hopes of helping me.

It will be 2-4 months before we know whether they are working or not. I still dont have a diagnosis and probably wont at any point, but we do know its progressive. I'm also finally on a proper dose of pain medication.

I'm seeing a neurologist in December so we can rule out MS and other things since my neuro exam is not normal.

I am in constant pain. I had to re-learn so many things. How to dress myself, how to shower, how to take care of myself on a day to day basis. It's insane.

A few days ago I found out I've lost most of my vision, no idea why.

I dont use my right eye anymore. Its useless. And I have lost most of my vision in my good eye.

I have been ill for a while and ive dealt with it as well as i can, but the last 3 months have sucked every bit of joy and strength out of me. Life is unfair.

It is incredibly hard to go on every day. I have a lot of distractions thankfully, playing games and watching shows.

But I am so tired of not being able to go for real walks, see my friends etc. I'm so lonely but I cant have anyone over because im so zoned out most of the time.

I know im losing relationships with friends and family because im neglecting them. i cant help it and it hurts so fucking much.

im honestly so fucking angry that this is my life. like seriously? did we really need to add another things on top of everything else? apparently.

i lost myself. i will never have who i used to be back. it breaks me. i literally dont know if ill ever have a functional life again.

i struggle staying alive because the unknown is just too much to handle. I cant know if this will improve with the new meds, or just continue going down hill.

Skvetta has been such a champion. I would not be here without her. On our walks i can only walk at a very slow pace, Skvetta checks in constantly and usually only zooms around if I tell her its okay to.

When we get home I have to lie down and Skvetta does not hesitate to come lie ontop of me to keep me warm and safe.

i can not express in words how tired and broken i am. i am not processing this whatsoever. sometimes im numb and manage to zone it out and the next moment im having a mental breakdown over the smallest things.

like earlier i couldnt get my shoes on. its such a basic thing. and i couldnt do it. im lost, alone and scared. i dont know if ill ever get myself back.

please dont take your health for granted. do the things you love while you still can.

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saskaykun · 4 years

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Taka’s members’ bond with Sasuke. (For Taka team’s stans, this one’s for you.)

I don't think there's any point in introducing the Taka team again.

But as today's point is to prove the link as a point of complementarity with Sasuke. I'm going to take a look at the personal lives of each of them.

Ps: sorry for the typos, english is not my mother tongue.

SUIGETSU:

We are going to start with Suigetsu, like Sasuke, Suigetsu had a big brother, pretty strong and skilled because Mangetsu was the only one of the 7 swordsmen of the mist to master the 7 swords of Kiri. Suigetsu's dream was to become as strong as his big brother to enter the 7 swordsmen assassins club, whom he admired a lot, but Mangetsu died rather prematurely while protecting his little brother Suigetsu. Suigetsu trained hard to barely match half of his big brother's sword skills. He also comes from a known clan from the village of Kiri, the clan Hozūki, and owns a Kekkei Genkai, which allows him to liquefy his body from flesh to water. Pretty handy for a swordsman, isn't it? No blade can pierce his body. That's also why Orochimaru was interested in him and kept him prisoner in his laboratories for so many years. Doesn't that remind you of Sasuke? The story of the big brother to be surpassed in abilities, even though he was so admired by the little one? Sasuke had to kill Itachi because he had to avenge his clan, Suigetsu had to become much better than Mangetsu because he promised him before Mangetsu died, that he would take back the title of "Kijin no Sairai" - "the second coming of the demon" (as far as my translation is concerned), so he got it into his head to collect all the swords from Kiri village, in order to take back his brother's inheritance. It's rather cute when you think about it. Suigetsu, in spite of appearances, is not a deeply evil person even if he spent most of his life training to become an assassin. Of all the times he made fun of Karin for her feelings towards Sasuke and Karin hit him, he never twisted back once. Suigetsu doesn't have a family anymore, like Sasuke, he's the last survivor of his clan. Moreover, I wanted to add that Suigetsu, sometimes appears like a coward but is actually very competent, and he is certainly a better swordsman than Sasuke. At the same age, (at 16 years old) Suigetsu had already done 2 - D rank missions, 33 - C rank missions - 40 - B rank missions, 13 - A rank missions and finally 4 - S rank missions originally reserved for jônin, can he be considered as such?

KARIN:

What do we know about Karin?

At first, not much is said, except that she is a very competent sensory ninja, that Sasuke, with Suigetsu came personally to look for. He chose her, among many other competent ninjas. He acknowledged her as the best in her field. That's a canon fact.

Another true thing, Sasuke, who came personally to pick her up, confessed that he needed her to reach his goal.

"I need you, Karin", really happened.

He wasn't forced to do it, on the contrary, Suigetsu, who wasn't a big fan of Karin, spent his time dissuading Sasuke from going to pick her up and take her on the team, but Sasuke insisted.

They saved each other's lives several times. Karin healed him with her "Heal Bite" and he during their fight against Killer Bee, awakened a new power from his Mangekyō Sharingan: Kagutsuchi. He was able to extinguish the flames of the Amaterasu that had touched Karin. His face, scared of losing his teammate, proves how much Sasuke cares about his Taka teammates but especially about Karin. After I will not go on betting that he cares about her, romantically or just friendly because that's not the point and nothing in the manga proves that he did it romantically or kindly, I just want to emphasize this point: he was willing to die, and put Juugo's and Suigetsu's lives in danger in order to save Karin.

We learn a little more about Karin, during the Edotensei scene with Itachi and Sasuke against Kabuto. Kabuto then talks about Taka team members and reveals to Sasuke that Karin is indeed part of the Uzumaki clan, like Naruto, and that's why she has a huge chakra cluster. She regenerates quickly her own wounds but she can help others to regenerate and heal themselves by sharing her chakra, by biting her because it's the fastest way: in fact, the injured person drinks Karin's chakra and regenerates herself/himself in a few moments.

Besides the fact that Karin was used by Sasuke to locate Itachi through her powerful chakra and to warn him of his possible enemies, and of course to heal him in case he would be seriously wounded, she is not an exceptional ninja in combat, she must even very often be saved either by Sasuke or by Suigetsu. Sasuke knew that very well. He was never shocked that Karin might be a weight for them in their adventures. He chose her by himself, nobody forced Karin to be there and decided to protect her.

The scene where Sasuke "sacrifices" Karin to kill Danzō is totally a scene to be taken with extenuating circumstances. Sasuke finally being in front of the person who ruined his life, who ordered the massacre of the Uchiha clan, he couldn't do otherwise, he was forced by all means to kill him. Karin being in his field of action because she wanted to help him, was also pierced by Sasuke's chidori blade. Don't forget though, that he didn't really sacrifice her because she didn't die, since he didn't aim at Karin's vital points.

I still want to thank Sakura for helping Karin with her medical ninjutsu, she is still part of Karin's healing process, without Sakura's intervention, she might have had a hard time healing this time.

I also wanted to point out, on the scene following Karin's famous "sacrifice":

Karin thus finds herself on the ground, dying slowly, Obito then proposes to Sasuke to finish her off, properly because she knows too much about their plan. Sasuke doesn't even take the time to answer him. During this scene, Sasuke takes an exceptional time to load his chidori, giving Team 7 time to arrive on the scene, another proof that deep down he really didn't want to kill her. It is finally on Sakura that Sasuke decides to use his chidori, and not on Karin. Karin then dissuades him... but Sakura is really not far from being killed this time by Sasuke.

This scene is powerful, but it shows the total disinterest of Team 7 in the eyes of Sasuke, at least the disinterest he has in Sakura's life. Sakura being a burden, and considering her as the enemy, had to be eliminated as soon as possible. He was also never afraid to confront Kakashi. The only one for which he has doubts, a certain apprehension that he tries indirectly to hide, remains definitely for Naruto, but again, he does not hesitate to threaten him if Naruto still chases after him.

To finish with Karin, she is part of the Uzumaki clan, one of the oldest clans in the Shinobi world, and derived from the Senju clan, there are not many members of the clan left, at least to our knowledge except Karin, Naruto and Nagato. At the end of the war, only Karin and Naruto remain. She shares this fact with Sasuke. She also had lost her entire family during the previous war, her mother was used for medical purposes, literally having her chakra sucked until her death. She became an orphan at a very young age, left to live on her own, abused by others until she met Orochimaru. She has no one left.When she meets Sasuke, she falls in love with him for his beauty, he is pretty handsome, but as a sensory ninja, she found that he has a beautiful and attractive chakra, she realized right away that Sasuke is not as bad as he pretends to be. She took a close interest in him, and I think the interest was mutual.

JŪGO:

Jūgo, is certainly the only member where we are poorly with information about him.

Jūgo is a deeply kind and loving boy but is possessed by a heavy weight that overwhelms him: the cursed seal. He is the first holder of the cursed seal, it is with his DNA that Orochimaru started his experiments. The poor man, being unable to control his murderous impulses, preferred to die rather than to leave his cell when Sasuke, Suigetsu and Karin came to get him. Sasuke promised to hold him, Jūgo, usually not confident, agrees to come with them because Kimimaro had acknowledged Sasuke. Jūgo, in addition to his incredible physical strength when possessed by the cursed seal, is able to communicate with the birds. Sasuke uses Jūgo through this ability so that his birds can locate the Akatsukis' hideout and that he can create a map from the information transmitted by these birds. Also, Jūgo is an orphan, and since Kimimaro died, he was literally alone in the world. He has no known family, and his affiliation to a particular clan is unknown. Another peculiarity that Sasuke shares with his teammates.

I consider Jūgo as Sasuke/Suigetsu/Karin’s big brother. He took care of them. There also is a scene where he puts Sasuke in his futon after having treated him and bandaged him, because Sasuke had fallen asleep sitting, from exhaustion.

This boy is soooooo cute and gentle. His bipolar side contrasts enormously. His murderous personality with his soft and wise side.

Well, Sasuke's plan was perfect and well thought out.

To answer the question I was asked, "What do they do as Team Taka, besides help Sasuke enter into darkness?"

I, for one, don't hold Team Taka members responsible for Sasuke's entry into the darkness. Far from it. Sasuke was motivated by his hatred for killing Itachi, and after the final battle with his brother, motivated by revenge for those who led to his downfall. Don't get me wrong, I always feel that when it comes to Sasuke, the people who interact with him are responsible for his actions. No, Sasuke most certainly suffers from PTSD, living in unresolved grief since the death of his family, in hatred and constant pain, doesn't need anyone to think for him. He's an intelligent boy, he knows his purpose, he knows he would sacrifice himself to restore honor to those he has lost. His goal was just that. I sincerely think that deep down Sasuke wanted to change the Shinobi world, build new foundations, and achieve peace, so that what he experienced would never happen again, but it was a kind of pipe dream because he really thought he would die in his next confrontation with Naruto. He expected no less.

It really pisses me off that people think that Sasuke is acting according to the actions of others. I don't remember hearing Suigetsu, Karin or Jugo suggest a plan of action to kill someone or do something. He was the leader of this team. The others were acting on his behalf and not the other way around. He was the one who came to find them, he was the one who surrounded himself with these shinobis to help him achieve his goal. You let yourself be influenced by Naruto “talk no jutsu” in Gaiden who dares to tell the Taka team to mind their own business when he himself spent years to mind Sasuke's business, without even understanding the reason for his actions.

Gaiden makes the Taka team look like the villains who helped Sasuke carry out the actions of his hatred, but look closer, they did nothing so exceptional except help him find Itachi and obey Akatsuki's orders to attack Killer B.

It even seems to me that the Taka team were, in the end, the only ones who listened sincerely to Sasuke, to meet his expectations, to try to understand him.

A non-canon fact unfortunately, in a novel about Sasuke, after Itachi's death, Sasuke makes a kind of pilgrimage to learn more about his brother, during his Akatsuki period, and then meets two brothers, who were preparing drops for Itachi's eyes, and they make him think about him and Itachi when they were kids. ... I'm going to skip over the real story of this novel, although it's very well written for a non-canon novel, and we find Sasuke on his scene, by the sea, where he desperately lets go of all his pain in a torrent of tears, and decides to rename Hebi team into Taka team.

Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo were present during one of the worst moments of Sasuke's life: Itachi's death and thus the mourning of his older brother.

In spite of Itachi's terrible actions and choices to raise Sasuke's power, Sasuke still considers him as his beloved older brother who sacrificed himself for a village that never gave them the chance to live, properly...

Again, as I already said in another post, I truly think that all the people close to Sasuke tried to control his choices and his life, without asking his opinion.

Itachi made it clear that he tried to trace Sasuke's life from his childhood to what he became and finally disappointed to have failed... but what the hell did he expect?

Naruto, who absolutely wants Sasuke to go back to Konoha, but why? He knew very well that the people in Konoha would bully him for his actions, when he was already bullied enough to be an Uchiha in Konoha. So Naruto claims to know what's best for Sasuke. What?!

Sakura... is Sakura.

Kakashi and Jiraya tried to dissuade Sakura and Naruto from desperately pursuing a guy who clearly wanted to get the hell out of this village: Sasuke is not worth it.

Decidedly, Sasuke doesn't get much grace from people. Between those who think he's a sulky, who always makes moods because he has some problems in his life and those who judge him without knowing a second of his existence and his journey, he's really badly surrounded.

The Taka team is the only one that hasn't gone into the details and is following Sasuke, even before he decides to explain to them the reasons for this gathering.

I like their complicity. I like their dynamics. They help each other.

Team Taka is the one that Sasuke chose on his own, Team 7 is the one that was imposed on him. Don't forget that.

At least, I didn’t even use your post, but thank you again @justsasuke ! It was kind of you :)

Ps: I found this pic very cute. They are all awesome.

#team taka meta #karin #suigetsu #juugo #sasuke #taka #team taka

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 7 years

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[FAIRLY URGENT I think] I was wondering if you'll really go to hell if you commit suicide? Because I'm tired and everything is bad and I'm much more of a burden then anything else to the people who know me. (Plus the constant misgendering hurts) so I just want to end it all but I don't want to go to hell,,,, thanks for your time

cw suicide discussion

Hey there, dear. My heart goes out to you; I’ve been wear you are many times and I’m begging you, please stay here with us. You are not a burden -- you are a human being with unique value, with a long life of beauty and sorrow and joy ahead of you.

Misgendering really hurts, believe me I know. But one day you will find a community where you aren’t misgendered so much, and it will feel amazing. I’ve got people in my life (as well as strangers) who misgender me daily, and it sucks -- but the people who do their best to get my pronouns right make it worthwhile. If you have any such people in your life now (online counts), lean on them. If you don’t, hang in there -- you will one day. I promise.

I do not think people go to hell for suicide. God is with you through your pain, and knows how badly things hurt -- They have nothing but compassion and love for you. (see this post) But that doesn’t mean suicide is okay -- it hurts God, it hurts the people in your life, and most importantly, it hurts you. Please, don’t rob yourself of the chance of a better future. You deserve to see where things go.

When you feel suicidal, please, reach out. There are people in your life who care, who want to help you. Let them! And there are also hotlines and text lines you can try, such as the Trevor Project. If you have access to therapy, I recommend that too -- you may need professional or medical help to get through this.

I would like to share a passage from a poem with you from my friend Slats’ book queering lent. Slats has struggled with suicidal ideation, but they are still here with us today, and their life is bearing incredible fruit. They now have many people in their life who affirm their gender; they have a partner who is good and kind and funny; they help bring people closer to God while growing in God themself. That can be you someday, friend! Please, let yourself get there!

Note that the following passage from Slats describes suicide ideation and transphobia -- take care. But it also depicts hope, through the love God has.

...i live in a bodythe world is determined to destroy.they erase my image in the mirrorthey attack me with the picturesof what i “should” bethey fence me in and lock me out ...

and i am caught, occasionally by the world’s undertow--which is stronger than you could imagine--which pulls bodies like mine under,and never lets us come up for air.i have stared death in the face and said,“please.”

You are not the one who wants me dead--You are the one who wants me alive,and has fought for my life for years.even when i had no idea why,it has always been You, insistent and pleading,pulling me towards life.

the truth i wear on my forehead today is this:i live in a body made of ashes.it is at once fragile and resilient--it is easily torn apartbut never destroyed.it is built from the ruins.it carries with it the history of generations,and incubates a new creation.it is deathand it is life,and it is Yours.

Please, friend, stay here with us. I know how hard it is, I really do -- but you can get through the things you’re feeling and experiencing. God is fighting for your life, doing everything They can to bring you to the abundant life They’ve planned for you -- God will lead you through this valley of shadow you’re stuck in now, and you will be so joyful you stayed alive for what is ahead.

I would love it if you checked in with me every now and then, maybe in a week or a month. I’m praying for you, friend.

#suicide tag #suicide ideation //#transphobia #misgendering #hell #anon #queerly christian asks

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silentfcknhill · 7 years

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hey I've seen you reblog stuff about drugs and stuff and I just wanted to ask what narcatics were you into? random and blunt question but just curous. I'm having a hard time lately... drinking but I'm trying to quit with with it now and just started weed. I just feel like it's neve gonna be better, you know? shit I so okay for so long and then it all goes to fucking hell again. I'm sorry for unloading like this....

It’s okay, I hope you don’t mind if I ramble a long-ass answer. I was mainly addicted to drugs that were not traditionally considered addictive physically, just psychologically. My main drugs of choice were weed, acid, mushrooms and occasionally molly. I never had a huge problem with alcohol, as in I didn’t drink often but when I did I went way overboard and would often mix drugs that would make me very ill. Weed was okay for me at first before I went overboard and was spending hundreds a month, and I am not completely anti-weed like some people in NA, but I think there are people who can and can’t handle it mentally. I can’t. If you have mental health issues, especially anxiety (though I’ve seen some people it can help their anxiety), paranoia, dissociation, derealization or hallucinations/problems with reality to begin with, it is like playing with fire. I’m not saying you should panic, everyone has different reactions, but I could never smoke again after the bad acid trips and ego deaths I’ve had. Too many flashbacks. And I got serotonin syndrome a lot. I quit using 17 months ago and I’m still dealing with effects like visual fractals, a new worldview and mood problems.

For about a year I was suicidal and having panic attacks every day, and I had to work double shifts while crying and vomiting (quiting was not an option because we are too poor and I did not want to be homeless again, especially in that condition). It takes a while for your brain to recover and learn to produce it’s own serotonin after smoking weed every day for two years, so there is a major depression that occurs when you get clean. I lost my appetite for a couple months, and also couldn’t sleep on my own. Drugs were basically my go-to for every minor inconvenience, so learning to be a person again and deal with problems directly was difficult. I became extremely paranoid while detoxing. I also lost all interest in everything, I experienced no joy and only dread, terror and depression. My obsessions such as movies and music were no longer enough to enjoy, I needed to experience them on absurd amounts of psychedelics and meditate on them and see them from weird perspectives to appreciate them. I have started gaining back my appreciation for the little things in life again by now.

The hardest part for me was coming to terms with the fact that I will never be the same as I was before ever again, and now I just have to adjust. It sucks that I was a teenager while this was happening, and my brain was still developing, so now it became a part of my youth and shaped my personality a lot. But I try to think of it positively, because now I have a new chance to become a better person, I have a fresh start and not many people can have a second chance after fucking up and having no common sense. I am lucky to have not gotten into any legal trouble, though a lot of relationships were destroyed, I really deserved it. I am not trying to self-pity, but it is a fact that I have suffered beyond words and been to hell (I’m not religious but to me hell is a psychological state of torment and existential darkness and lack of reality), but I have also grown as a person and become exponentially more self-aware, empathetic, introspective and accepting of my defects.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel it will never get better. When you’re in darkness it effects your whole perception and sense of reality and colors every area of life. We lose our memory of anything good ever. Kind of like a Dementor from harry Potter has sucked out our soul, which Dementors incidentally were written by JK Rowling as an analogy of her depression (Sorry for random reference, I am a fan of Harry Potter). But we are both still young, well I am and I assume you are as well as I don’t know many elderly people on Tumblr, and time changes things. Time doesn’t heal, but it does give you the opportunity to heal and grow. Nothing will ever magically heal, we will always be addicts, but you will have good days, and some very good days and memories, and those are worth riding through the bad to get to. It is very difficult to keep perspective, but I spent a couple years of my life on drugs. I have 70 years left ahead of me, best case scenario. This is not the end at all.

I have seen people successfully drink and smoke and not become upset or addicted, but I have Asperger’s and BPD and I was foolish to ignore the sensitivities and chances I was taking and I put my trust into the wrong influences and people. I have developed my own coping mechanisms throughout my life, because addiction was obviously not the first and only trauma I’ve been through, I’ve been having issues since being a toddler basically including emotional violent abuse from the time I was born, sexual assault, personal deaths, bullying, self-harm and mental illness, having parents who are mentally ill and unstable and dealing with their suicide threats as a child, divorce, homelessness, murderers in the family, robbery, knife attacks, being a therapist to my mother, trying to stay objective as she described to me her post-partum depression involving demons telling her to throw me off a balcony and molest me, multiple suicide attempts of my own including a horrendous overdose, multiple hospitalizations, medications, dating a man in his 40’s as a young teen, being cheated on twice, coming to grips with my LGBT identity, and much more. I grew up in a fantasy world, always acting and playing pretend even to this day, I live my life through the eyes of my favorite characters, even while alone. AT this point it is very easy for me to detach from my emotions and reality and observe my own suffering as though I was a character in a movie or something. This is also why I have a decent tolerance to pain. I just view it as an experience, a memory. Time is really an illusion, so when I am hurt, I just remember that in a few hours it will be like nothing ever happened.

Also, the one most important message I took from NA is probably the simplest, and most people don’t give it a second thought because it’s just a cliche to them, but when you really meditate on it and practice it, you realize how incredibly true and helpful it is: “One day at a time.” And that motto is a principle, not have to take it literally. I know for a lot of people, myself included, it can be more like one minute at a time, but you really gotta try to keep priorities in sight and self-care when need be. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to help yourself but go to sleep all day. It is fine to do that. I have trained myself to fall asleep relatively quickly using deep, controlled stomach breathing and and stims and mental focus patterns such as waterfalls, space travel, etc, movement that stays constant and is relaxing. Music helps too, but only without lyrics. There are a lot of sound pieces on youtube and stuff made for relaxing, like the sound of rain, or nature like the ocean or amazon. Whatever suits you. It is handy to have an off button like a computer sometimes. You just shut down and reboot.

I’m not saying it is healthy to be avoidant, and I definitely have shut down and become very robotic as of late, but it is highly preferable to the alternative for me until when/if I learn better skills. You will hopefully feel better when you wake up, whether it was physical anxiety or mental or both. Plus, scientifically, sleep and dreaming is when our brains process information and memories, so we may come to familiarize ourselves with unknown fears or stresses while we sleep and wake up more able to deal with them rationally without the fight or flight. One day at a time ties in to a concept we call “the triangle of self-obsession”, and it relates to how living in the past causes resentments, focusing on negatives in the present causes anger, and fear stems from living in the future. One day at a time, take shit as it comes and don’t cross bridges before you get to them. of course, planning still is good but we must be flexible and not place our whole mental state on something that hasn’t happened yet. Anger roots back to fear, fear roots back to lack of control, and once we accept that we really cannot control everything and be omnipresent and all-knowing puppetmasters, we become more humble.

I myself have come to terms with the fact that I am very narcissistic. I never thought I was, due to low self-esteem, but it only recently occurred to me that being narcissism is usually just a symptom of low self-esteem anyways, and it is just expressed differently. Some people build massive egos and brag. For me, my narcissism forms through being self-centered and selfishly focused on my own problems. Some people focus daily on distinguishing whether they are living and acting on their own will or their higher power’s will, and adjusting their behavior accordingly, because living on our own will is what got us in this position in the first place. I don’t really have a higher power in the traditional sense at this point, but it is still good to be mindful that I am not the center of everything, and that even though I claim to be open-minded, I am still just as judgmental and hypocritical as anyone else, I just express and experience it in different ways. Anyways, long tangent, no one cares, I will shut up now. I am kind of a basketcase, but if you need to talk, you can message or dm me anytime.

#asks #anon #tw: drugs #tw: abuse #sorry for long personal post but i could not respond privately to an anon

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