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chaos-and-sparkles · 9 months

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In Which I Ramble About Pavitr's Character Design and the Indian Cultural Stuff Related to It

DISCLAIMER: I'm an Indian, and these are all my thoughts and analyses, but I'm also just one person and by no means am I speaking for everyone. I am not all knowing, and I am not immune to being wrong sometimes. These points are all my own thoughts and stuff that I know through my lived cultural experiences and some history and book knowledge, but I've not particularly researched any of these. I'm just out here giving my take from what I know. This is mostly just going to be me rambling, okay? Okay. Let's go!

Anyway okay so I just wanna go from the top down:

No. 1:

First of all his hair

His fucking hair

This is one aspect that i k n o w I'm overthinking and probably wasn't as significantly thought out in the design but it just Spoke to me and by all accounts I'm not the only one

But I'm so glad we have him with his thick gorgeous fricking hair, especially them being like curly/wavy and slightly long instead of straight and cropped or whatever

Like. Indians usually have very thick and luscious hair, not everyone ofc but generally it's a thing, and it's considered a point of pride to have long dark thick hair.

And the thing is for the longest time the beauty standard in India was to have very straight and shiny hair, all the actresses and heroes were doing it, even though that's literally not the realistic case for a lot lot LOT of Indians. There's a pretty big variety of hair texture in India; some of it is regionally concentrated too, eg. in South India you get a lot of frizzy, tightly coiled hair that's rough textured, whereas curly hair is usually silkier and looser curled as you go Northwards,, Bengalis tend to have very wavy thick hair,, etc. By no means a rule or anything, it's just a thing that there's a lot of curl variety and a lot of it was for the longest time considered ugly and unkempt (there are some classist/regionalist elements to this stereotype also unsurprisingly) still is by some people,,, bc the standard was Shiny Straight Hair. It's a standard that's slowly shifting. It's currently leaning more on the wavy and voluminous side. But it's def a thing still.

All that to say, it makes me so so happy to see Pav with his curly-ish lush hair that he wears with such pride and style,, that are a symbol of his own pride and self care too!!!

Also the line about "coconut oil, prayers and good genetics" - I LOVE THAT REFERENCE AHAHABSSK, using coconut oil for the hair is a very common thing here, it's so so good for the hair and the scalp alike and it's relaxing to massage it in too.

I've seen people try to write Pavitr in fics as "quickly brushing some coconut oil through his hair" as part of his morning routine and. Um. That's not how it's done askaskjas, I don't mean to be rude to the writers at all, everyone does the best with what they know and no one knows everything, but also practically speaking that would be greasy and awful.

There are multiple ways to apply coconut oil, ofc. Coconut oil is often massaged into the scalp and rubbed into the hair like an hour before washing, sometimes with lemon juice mixed in, and then washed off when bathing. Some people, especially those with drier and finer hair, apply it as a regular after-hair-wash thing, too, but even so it needs to be rubbed in.

A really beloved thing we have is coconut oil champis, too! This is basically when you sit down cross legged in front of youe mother/grandmother, and she massages the coconut oil into your scalp and hair in a way that literally cures all tension and headaches and leaves your head reeling and is so so good for hair and stress and everything. It's a family bonding thing more than just a hair routine. It's not always done by the mom/grandmother ofc, it's just how most of us first experience it, and they have a technique that none of us can ever quite replicate to the same effect later. As we grow up, we often do it for ourselves and for others. It's a weekly or monthly or even just occasional thing depending on who you ask. But yeah that reference was great I love it dearly!

Also about the hair length

So in the current modern "civilized" standard (Indian schools and society in general tend to do a lot of shit trying to assimilate us into western culture and stamp out our own,, for example all my life I've been in schools where speaking Hindi and Telugu and stuff in class or in the hallways was Wrong and Forbidden and We Must Speak Only In English Bc We Are Educated And Cultured. This is so fucking hypocritical bc they would also have Hindi and Telugu classes and then criticize us for not getting it right or whatever), boys are meant to have short hair. Teachers literally single boys out in class for leaving their hair longer, not the exact length they set as the limit. This was my entire school experience; thankfully it doesn't seem to be the case in college, but that may just be bc I'm in an artsy college. In the workplace it's less stringent but it's still a thing.

HOWEVER, historically and culturally, long hair was considered good and even Important for both men and women. There's huge regional variations in this ofc; Maratha peshwas and higher classes and stuff for example wore a "pilaka" (idk what else it's called), which is the head shaven clean except a tuft in the middle that's sometimes braided. Brahmins still do it too.

But my point being, long hair was considered good for the most part, at most it would be worn in a bun for fighting and working,,, braids are a pretty big deal too. Having to cut your hair short=a symbol of dishonour and/or exile, or reserved for menial workers and so called "low classes".

(This is not stuff you even get explicitly told btw. This is stuff I've mostly inferred and studied from history and mythology and stuff , so there's no guarantee I'm 100% right)

Also, in Sikkhism (I'm not Sikh myself so correct me if I'm wrong, this is just what I know) having long hair is super fucking important for men. The hair is wrapped up in the turban, and the turban is a symbol of honour and pride and literally considered life. The long hair is considered sacred.

Removing the turban is basically a symbol of literally losing your honour pride and sense of self,, not just in Sikkhism, just generally at this point. Cutting your hair? Insult on injury.

Pavitr doesn't have particularly long hair ofc

But having grown up with such rigidly enforced things abt boys having very short cropped hair, it makes me so happy to see an Indian character who defies that.

Also!! Quick tangent about braids and their significance,, they're considered very beautiful and another symbol of pride, intricate buns and what not too! Just wanna drop this to give you an idea of what i mean:

In the Hindu myth of the Mahabharata, Draupadi, the wife of the Pandavas (she's a very interesting and important and beloved character, regionally also considered a goddess, she was a princess born of fire married to five princes and the vengeance for her honour literally fuelled the war for righteousness etc etc) vows never to braid her hair again until she has washed it in the blood of Dushasana, a man who forcefully tried to disrobe her in court (it's a whole myth of its own). At the apex of the war, Bheem, her husband, brings her his blood. She washes her hair in it and then for the first time in thirteen years, she braids it.

Braids are not as significant now but it was basically a Pretty Big Deal and I just wanted to talk abt it.

In Hinduism too the gods are portrayed with long hair, it's a Thing.

No. 2:

Okay so moving more downwards,, I have a bunch of Thoughts abt Pavs mask design!

Okay so obv we have the spiderweb-pattern that's a given.

But. The interesting parts are these:

The bindi-like design on his forehead.

Bc my point is

Sure that looks like a bindi. And that's beautiful in itself but I HAVE ANOTHER TAKE

Bindis are traditionally worn by women as a symbol of beauty, prosperity, and again, pride. But while nice, that's not quite a symbolism that fits imo

You know what else is ver similar where my mind immediately goes? A tilak.

The shape is kind of off for a tilak actually, a tilak is more of a U or a V with a dot or a flame-like stroke in the middle. So in that case it looks more like a bindi

But i really like thinking that it's inspired by a tilak too, bc

While a bindi is a decorative mark stuck or painted on a woman's forehead as a symbol of beauty and prosperity

A tilak is basically a mark that's finger-painted on the forehead of , usually a man but there's a softer smaller version for women too and ofc there are women warriors who got tilaks, for auspicious and blessing reasons. So in a Puja or ceremony, a tilak is put as a blessing and an auspicious thing, also meant to impart strength. The head of the household usually gets the most striking or biggest one.

Pandits usually wear tilaks for blessing purposes too, although their design is different and more elaborate than the ones given to others

Gods and goddesses had their own tilaks, some of them very distinctive like Shiva's

The part that applies to Pav is the warrior tilak

Basically before a king or warrior went to battle, it was customary to do a small sending off ritual and for the wife or mother to put the tilak for them and say "Vijay bhava" (may you be victorious)

It's still done for big undertakings and challenges like exams and new jobs and stuff.

It's basically for strength, bravery and victory

The main difference in a bindi and tilak is the intent:

Bindi is for beauty

Tilak is for valour

Which. For a HERO. Just. Chef's kiss.

2. the markings around his eyes!!

I'm sure this has been said before, but it's very very reminiscent of kathakali makeup.

Regionally there's a lot of eye makeup stuff also btw. There are some absolutely beautiful tribal designs and regional designs with a lot of colours but I cant remember specifics rn

Also!! The very distinctive black lines around Pav's eyes?? I love them sm bc they feel so so based in kohl and kajal. Another huge beauty and often pride related thing.

There's even a whole thing where a mother or older sister will often rub a bit of her kohl off on her fingertip and press it behind their loved one's ear so that "buri nazar na lage" (no one's bad gaze catches you). It's called a kaala teeka

The idea being that you're so beautiful and/or cute and bright and lovable and nothing should jinx that and nothing bad should happen to you. It's very rare now and I've never experienced it myself but it's so so precious <33

3. the white markings on his cheeks!

I've seen that explanation of how it's reminiscent of Ganesha, the elephant headed god who is kind of a symbol of new beginnings, intelligence, prosperity, and a ton of stuff I don't even know how to explain honestly, but he's very cool and beloved and has a lot of Good Vibes™ and i love him basically.

I personally am reminded more of kathakali makeup again!! But that explanation is very cool too and i like it!! I don't know if I agree bc i think it m i g h t be a blasphemy to have that imagery on your face, afaik no one here does it for any reasons and we have literal festivals and pujas dedicated to Ganesha

But then again I am a human with limited knowledge and i don't know everything

I personally think the tusk like designs are very cool. However, I also think it would be a bit of a No No for religious reasons. I also think it reminds me more of classical dance face makeup and stuff.

I also think if they meant to make it a Ganesha reference, then he should only have a tusk on one side, bc there's a huge deal about Ganesha being "ekdanta" (transl: one toothed) bc he has a well known myth of breaking off one of his tusks to write a mythologically and culturally significant epic.

There are also a lot of actual cultural face painting things in India that are way cooler than the Ganesha thing in my opinion. So while that theory is cool, I don't personally agree with it. I could be wrong, again, idk what the design intent was exactly.

No. 3:

Next thing: this is a very very small thing and i only have a sentence on it, but i really appreciate Pav's neckline in his suit.

The neckline here? That's the kind of cut that's most typical of kurtas. Especially more ceremonial, kingly, wedding sherwani, or generally festive attire; a regular kurti might have a v-neck or something, but this curved collar? Very Indian and classy in a way I can't fully explain.

No. 4:

This next thing I'm going to go completely ballistic about, everyone hold on to your seats!!!

THE FUCKING MOTIF ON HIS UPPER ARMS. IT'S EVEN ON THE MEHENDI-ISH PATTERN ON HIS WRISTS AND HANDS. THE SPIDER SHAPE TOO. I AM NOT NORMAL OKAY

LISTEN.

LISTEN TO ME

TBIS IS CONFIRMATION THAT KRISHNA PAVITR IS CANON

HE IS SO SO KRISHNA CODED

Idc if I'm delusional, i DARE you to look at that blue design and tell me it doesn't look like a peacock feather

THE SHAPE OF HIS FUCKING SPIDER IS OH SO SUBTLY CURVED TO BE PEACOCK FEATHER SHAPED TOO

There is no human way for me to be normal about this i need a minute

Okay for context:

Krishna is a very important and beloved god in Hinduism. I cannot overstate the love I have for him, even being mostly non religious myself.

There is SO MUCH about him he is such a big deal and thanks to him being made a character in popular Indian cartoons and so many animated and live action movies being made about him, he is literally woven in the fabric of our collective consciousness and love for our culture

He's a mischevious and fun and chaotic and lowkey antiestablishment kid deity. He contains the literal universe. He has a deep abiding love for his people and his family and loved ones and the world he serves. He is a dancer, flute player, sweetheart, lover of life. He has a thousand wives, yet one Radha who he never married but is his literal immortalized soulmate. He guides heroes to duty. He is full of wisdom but also silly hijinks. He is so so beloved.

The peacock feather is his symbol! You could see the peacock feather anywhere and it's immediately OH KRISHNA! He wears a peacock feather, famously. In all his iterations, from childhood to adulthood. Peacock feather is his emblem.

Krishna is depicted through the peacock feather. It's become a very common motif in arts like mehendi and various textile arts to have peacock feather and peacock patterns; I'm sure that existed before Krishna too in several cultural circles but he is definitely a huge part of it since. There is a chikankari motif that is very recognisable that's reminiscent of peacock feather but I'm mostly unsourced on that, going off my own interpretation

But there's a definite link between peacock feather=Krishna=inextricable part of culture and art.

At least in North India. He's less of a big deal the further south you go. Still very widespread and overall loved tho.

So anyway seeing that peacock feather type motif on Pav?? Mixed with his Spiderman identity??? Is so amazing to me.

Krishna coded Pavitr real ✨

(Also yeah people have already pointed out that Pav's hand designs are based on mehendi so I don't need to go into that askjasjkas)

No. 5:

Also. Huge fan of his arm cuffs. It's just another Indian warrior thing; often in ye olde times and in mythology, the cuff would be a lot simpler, often just a thread with an amulet to grant you protection. But it steadily became fancier, and now it can be decorative or a valour thing or both

Very often just decorative now actually. Often seen in weddings and ceremonies too

No. 6:

Okay about his bangles now:

I absolutely LOVE THEM I love them so much I am so obsessed with them actually!!

So. First of all

I remember there being a confusion in like earlier fics especially on whether they were bracelets or damrus or bangles or what

And i have Thoughts

So first of all

They are not damrus/damarus.

Damarus are a musical instrument made of wood and with two beaded ropes to beat on the small drum-like ends. They're also symbols of lord Shiva who uses a damaru.

They are very different from what Pav wears and i remember my fucking whiplash when earlier fics called his bangles damarus. I think i choked on my maggi.

I don't mean to be rude to the writers ofc, they were doing the best with what they knew. But it's just very jarring to me to hear that

I think an explanation I heard was that Pav's web shooter design was inspired by damarus? Which yeah I get that and I actually wanna talk about it bc I very much see it. But they are very much NOT damarus themselves

First of all i personally have never seen nor heard of the kind of bangles Pav wears which appear to have a strip of cloth in the middle? While being gold cuffs on both ends? Which is new and interesting actually and opens up aspects abt his character that i find really interesting

Bc first of all: that implies he made them himself from stuff he already had inspired by things he saw. It seems, at least to me, like he used bangles/kadas he had to make the shooters he uses, which are designed the way they are for easier slinging and his cool tricks with them which would be harder if they were solid gold, and also the shape when he does the cool yoyo-y trick and hits The Spot with it and everything is very damaru shape. Which is also pretty cool if it's meant as a reference to Shiva and his damaru (he's a very fierce god with the damaru) or a reference to the street performers who use it nowadays.

Either way - and also additionally the fact that PAV LITERALLY DOUBLED HIS BANGLES AS WEB SHOOTERS WHICH IS SO CREATIVE AND SMART - and developed his own whole signature skillset with it?? And made his own bangle/shooters as I said before????

My boy is PEAK jugaadu

He is the embodiment of jugaad

Never has anything been so true to the Indian spirit than jugaad

Okay so for context, the jugaad that I keep talking about:

It basically means makeshifting and/or inventing stuff you need from the limited stuff you have. That's a very simple way of explaining it. Just imagine that, but up the silliness level x100.

For example, a guy jugaaded a showerhead by poking holes in a sprite bottle and putting a hose in it and routing it to the tap.

Jugaad can be both very smart, and very funny and silly

And it usually involves combining useless stuff/trash/just stuff you had lying around to make smth that you didn't wanna waste money buying, and often ends up having more functions than the stuff it was meant to replace. This but it's also very crackheaded. Like idk how to explain. It's basically makeshifting, but it's just developed into such an Indian Spirit Thing™ that we have a word for it

So i love that Pavitr's bangles do all of that. He is a true Indian boy to his core!

No. 7:

Okay I have thoughts on his dhoti too!

So.

Blue.

I know why they used blue for his dhoti, what with the spiderman colours, the need to complement his bright red with smth softer, and everything. I get it and i love it so so much. What I'm about to say next is not a complaint against this at all, it's very good design imo

But.

Everytime I look at him in his fucking blue dhoti

I just remember all the times my grandmother has apprehended me and made me go and change for trying to wear blue or black at a Puja

Bc they're apparently unholy colours ;_;

Basically yellow, saffron, red are the appropriate holy colours. Now that i think about it, I've never seen a god or mythological king depicted in a blue dhoti or generally blue clothing either - farthest they go from the three i described is pink or green

I never really thought about it until my Nani pointed it out. I'm still not sure if anyone except her even knew or cared about it.

But that is the memory that bonks me on the head every time i Perceive the blue dhoti

Bro upgraded from funeral colour (white, which is his dhoti in the comics and absolutely infuriates me on a visceral level) to unholy colour askaskjjska it's so funny to me

Purple was still a luxurious colour, but generally warmer and/or lighter colours are The Done Thing. It's an old notion and the cultural connotations are now very diluted by Western influence and also none of us Caring about a lot of it anymore (not necessarily a good or bad thing particularly)

Indigo also has. Loaded connotations.

Because Britain did a Colonialism and a lot of Indians suffered for it. It's a whole history lesson.

I would rather not get into the whole details but basically Indigo (the plant from which the dye was made) was a valuable commodity and Britishers essentially forced farmers to grow only that, ignoring their need to grow food or sustenance or care for the land in general, especially in the Bihar-UP regions. There were eventually a lot of revolts where many people, esp farmers, died.

Basically a double whammy of starvation and death as a direct result of colonialism. It was a major part, historically, that sparked rage for the freedom movement

If you wanna learn more abt it you can search up Champaran farmer revolts!

Also about the drape of Pav's dhoti:

I've seen a couple of memes and reels abt how Pav, in an emergency, suiting up for Spiderman duty, would be taking an hour to drape the dhoti and stuff

And those are hilarious and i love them

But also

That's literally not even a proper dhoti -

So the thing pav wears is basically more of dhoti-pants with a cummerbund.

So okay I need to explain this better hold on

A dhoti is basically a sheet of fabric that is draped around the waist and down. The elaborateness of the cloth can vary vastly from intricately patterned silk and brocade, to plain white cotton with a thin gold border optional

The drape of the dhoti varies even more depending on region, occasion, occupation, and status. You can have everything from the casual simple towel like drape and tuck that some men wear to relax on a daily basis, to an intricate thing with many folds and pleats and tucks and the middle part that hangs (I forget the name for that) that would actually legitimately take hours and is often adorned with jewellery . To a thing that's flexible to move in and also looks very pretty and is genderneutral some dance forms call for.

Basically. The drape varies vastly. And it's all one cloth, maybe a second one for a separate cummerbund sometimes, I'm not that well versed abt dhotis tbh.

But the thing Pav wears?? It doesn't seem to me to be folded the way I've ever seen any dhoti

The way it's folded and shaped is not how those style of dhotis work. There would be a lot more pleats and folds, for one. But it's not shaped the way to match the less-folded dhotis either.

Now, I'm no dhoti expert, but that leads me to believe that's not a full on dhoti. What it's more likely to be is dhoti-pants

Dhoti pants are this fusion thing. It's in the name. I haven't seen it much but I know/think/am pretty sure its a thing, bc most Indian guys now don't know how to drape a dhoti either and it's a good solution. Worn like a pant, looks like a dhoti. Simple. A cummerbund for the middle drape, and you're set!

Also side note: the fold with the distinct two legs and the middle drape that Pav has? Is the most commonly depicted warrior and king drape,, at least in North and Middle India, I'm not as well versed about the South but I think it's the case there too. The gods are depicted in that drape too

I have fewer comments on his leg design, I like that it's reminiscent of mehendi even on his feet bc yeah that's also done on the feet, although rarer now and also a bridal thing

No. 7:

He has gold cuffs on his ankles that I really like!

Okay so here's the interesting thing:

I could be wrong, but

But that kind of thick ankle cuff is not actually an Indian thing?? At least not in the warrior hero context that a lot of his design seems based on. At least not of that shape and width.

What we do have though are very simple metal ankle cuffs put on (I think) one ankle of young kids for protection,, again a tradition I'm not very familiar with, it's more localised

The other thing we have that's more interesting tho:

We have payals and ghungroos!!! Which opens up so many exciting prospects to me because those are both dancer things

Like. The payals are ornamental. They are beauty things as well. All women would wear them, their elaborateness and style depending on status, money, and region ofc

They double as dance and performance things too ofc

But ghungroos are specifically dance things

Very very sacred and honoured to the dancers, too. Quite personal

(These are all little bells on the ghungroos btw!! Hundreds of them. They ring out when the dancers dance)

This is what Pav's ankle cuffs most remind me of. It's not the same thing ofc, and idk if the designers were even thinking of this.

But it would be really cool if he was inspired by ghungroos to have cuffs of similar thickness and placement on his legs. Perhaps even familiar to him hmmm?

This is me theorizing HARD to support my headcanon, but combined with Pav's classical dance-n-martial-arts-y moves, i present to you: Pav learning classical dance when he was younger (a thing that a lot of Indian kids do and only a few seriously continue for their lives) is real.

I rest my case

Like yeah it's known at this point that Pav's moves are based a lot off the martial art of kalaripayattu. Which is SO AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! But I also think this would be a cool influence alongside that, bc it really feels visible too.

No. 8:

The fact that Pavitr is barefoot is so so important and dear to me!!!

In Indian culture, you're supposed to take your shoes off as a mark of respect, before entering the ranabhoomi (literal transl: battleground, but not in an actual war with swords and shit ofc)

Being barefoot for pujas and in temples and on sacred ground in general is very important

As is being barefoot when you're walking onto a kabaddi or wrestling ground,, basically any fight that's supposed to be important and/or with honour. It's a respect thing for the opponent and for the earth you fight on.

There are a lot of contexts where being barefoot is important or a given

There's the prayer ground bc it's sacred and holy and you can't be dragging your dirty ass shoes there it's super disrespectful. You gotta enter with clean feet specifically, dirty feet are considered disrespectful too. that's also why there wil often be feet washing areas outside of temples here

Then there's the ranabhoomi that I just said, which is more of respect for your opponent and the earth. Respect to the earth especially is very important in the combat forms and sports I know of at least

Then there's the basic respect and tbh the hygiene thing too, of always taking off your footwear before entering another persons house. That one is more flexible, sometimes you can take it off inside, but the done thing is to take them off outside generally. Especially if you're a guest who's not particularly close. You'd be considered really rude if you didn't take them off at all. But again that still varies by person,, the older generations are way stricter abt it

Then the bride thing,,, it's actually a whole small ritual. The bride and groom will enter the groom's house for the first time,, which is considered the bride's new home bc misogynistic tradition so yeah. But basically it's supposed to be an auspicious beginning to a new home and life. (Btw being barefoot during the wedding ceremony is also generally required)

Usually, at least in North Indian tradition, a small vessel of rice is kept at the threshold that the bride must tip over with her foot when entering. It's for prosperity. Then she steps directly into a plate of a red liquid I forget the word for, but it's basically a sindoor paste type of thing. Her first steps into the house must be taken leaving those red footprints behind. That's for auspicious beginning

So Pavitr being barefoot is so so cool from a cultural and a character building standpoint

He takes his job seriously, he does it with respect and honour!!! He seems so chill and happy go lucky, but he's deliberate and respectful abt it!! And he's super connected to his culture too, bc you could just Not and no one would care, but it's so important that he does!!

So yeah!

That has been my full ramble askjasjkas. If you made it this far, have a cookie! Thank you and I hope this was interesting <33

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echofromtheabyss · 1 year

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So, if you want to understand the history of ND stuff in any useful kind of way you have to know that we talked about these things differently. Gen Xrs have a different generational experience and Boomers' is different still.

Prior to the 80s, NDs were really not a thing. The optic was almost entirely in terms of learning disability and intellectual impairment in the 70s.

ADHD - not autism - is really the first we see of anything resembling the modern ND consciousness, as "autistic" was a label reserved for children presenting with severe disability or at minimum, delay.

Autism in the 70s and 80s and before was not culturally adjacent to ADHD or giftedness, it was adjacent to conditions of severe intellectual impairment.

It's possible to be an 80s ADHD labeled autistic who gets good interventions *because lots of how ADHD was understood at the time, got absorbed by autism later.*

This is basically my story as a matter of fact, a lot of helpful support I got early was via the ADHD pipeline, and so ADHD *is* my "recognized early enough to get meaningful self understanding and meaningful support* narrative, which is a big reason I was ABLE to shrug off autism as a label for about 15 years, until the changing autism stereotypes caught up with me.

ADHD and early issues with visible LD etc are WHY I didn't end up in the "normal until hospitalized" optic that some autistics I knew ended up in, if they had *only* been seen as gifted. I was very aware of my stuff very early even if it was called something else and even if it will be called something else in the future, and it shaped my social choices, my career choices, etc.

Also there was the optic to Boomers and older that you really could just be a "normal" person or even a high performing "genius" who was just "a little slow as a kid." (There are many historical figures this actually applies to. "A little slow as a kid" may just be within a *normal* range of child development.) This is actually part of where many Boomers are coming from when they think a certain degree of autism is just normal.

Early labels in adults (whom we would now understand as high masking ASD-1) were more personal history than identity.

To Boomers and older, you were "mentally well" until you presented "mentally ill." There really wasn't anything like being ND as we presently understand. Also, the *very same optics* that got boys seen as gifted, invested lots of time and support into, etc, got girls into the clinical pipeline early. The real dx discrepancy between girls and boys in my generation and older is the degree to which cis het white rich boys were just allowed to not be anything at all while girls were immediately tagged as mentally ill or developmentally disabled with the very same presentation, even within the same family. My grandmother who was a victim of this, and heavily and deeply abused from early childhood, is the sister of my physicist uncle who was on the Manhattan Project and was odd but successful, had a wife and family, never labeled anything at all.

Lots of people we now see as autistic were just considered normal gifted people who then had a "nervous breakdown" after high school/entering the adult world.

It was possible to be totally ego-syntonic as an odd person until diagnosis, if you were in the 80s gifted pipeline, because if you were in a social set that was actually ALLOWED to be intelligent let alone gifted in the first place (i.e., an upper middle class person, with more weirdness optic allowed for boys) you likely weren't going to be diagnosed with ANYTHING unless you were Weird with a Capital W.

That I had any kind of optic besides just being Gifted is *because* despite high IQ, I was a poor academic performer, and *couldn't* mask well inside a school setting.

These are people without even that optic.

They literally were just seen as gifted, and it was assumed that - of course - highly gifted people were a little weird. Gifted optic in school meant access to a whole different social and academic pipeline consisting hugely of other people we would now understand as ND, so it's actually possible to come out of that being totally ego-syntonic, and never ever even seek diagnosis until something breaks.

If you're like my ex husband who ended up just going away to sea for years, and then becoming a programmer in a basement at a university, you might never get diagnosed with anything, especially if you never see yourself as the problem in any of your interpersonal interactions, and that was a FAR more common optic with gifted white Gen X and Jones ASD-1 boys than early dx was.

The thing for my generation isnt the degree to which boys were diagnosed over girls... quite the opposite, it's the degree to which smart white rich boys were just *allowed* to be odd and given tons of concessions *without* being labeled ANYTHING, because of the degree to which the culture saw that boy was probably a future curer of cancer or a future astronaut.

A chunk of the "NT [more likely, high masking autist] woman miserably married to ASD man" narrative on those websites like FAAAS is actually referring to men who don't have any diagnostic label whatsoever and don't understand themselves as the problem, if you actually read the stories.

Those guys don't get diagnosed until something actually breaks - like, their wife hauls them into couples counseling, or they have finally exhausted their supply of good will (many social compensations of gifted children stop working past one's 20s and that's actually when my dx happened too).

Interpersonal problems weren't enough for dx unless they actually bothered a person enough to seek help. Something has to break. You don't end up with a diagnosis because you're happy and adjusted, no matter how odd you are.

Please ask Boomers about nervous breakdowns because half the time this is referring to what we now understand as autistic burnout.

#i have a lot of thermonuclear takes tbh and don't feel autism is going to be a meaningful term in 20 years #the map is not the terrain

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 6 months

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okay shop girl and bruce attend a fashion show for something yk bruce was just invited or it’s for some charity and he needs to go to uphold the wayne enterprises reputation or whatever 🙈so they go and they’re watching and it’s kinda boring, kinda interesting, they’re just talking w each other and a piece sparks shop girls interest and bruce notices 💗 then he gives it to her as a gift or somethin

idk just an idea! 😌 i had to watch a fashion show in a marketing class and it made me think of them 🤍

Previous Part | Masterlist | Next Part

Warnings: Fluff!! So much fluff! POV Shifts between Bruce and Shop Girl

“You’re home early.”

His voice is thick from disuse, and you can't help but wonder if you'd managed to wake him. You glance up from where you’re standing, sorting through the mail on the kitchen counter, and smile as a sleep-ruffled Bruce drifts into the kitchen.

“You’re up early.” You shake your sleeve back to eye your watch. “It’s barely three in the afternoon.”

“Alright, smartass. I might still go back to bed,” Bruce grumbles, scrubbing his hand over his eyes. You grin as he pecks your lips, and you raise your hand, sweeping your thumb across his budding stubble. Bruce curls his arms around your middle, pressing his face into your neck as you turn back to the mail.

“You’re getting scruffy.”

“I’ll shave.”

“I kinda like it.”

“Oh?”

“Mm.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

You squirm, giggling softly as he pointedly nuzzles against you.

“Is everything alright?” Bruce adds.

“Hm?—Oh, yeah. My boss had a meeting with the board, so she gave us the afternoon. We’re regrouping in the morning.”

“...Am I supposed to be at that meeting?”

“Probably.”

“Huh.”

“I’m sure you could read the minutes later.”

“I’m sure I won’t.”

You snort, setting another invitation aside. You feel Bruce lift his head, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“What are the stacks?” He asks.

“Left is yours, middle is mine, right are joint invitations.”

“And the pile closest to you?”

“Trash.”

“Junk mail?”

“And invites that just aren’t gonna be, you know. It.”

“Such as?”

“Well, your invitation to judge the Miss Gotham pageant, for one.”

“I might want that.”

“Not funny. And a fundraiser for the Gotham Opera.”

Bruce falls quiet for a few testy moments, and you resume sorting through the remaining stacks. You don't need to tell him why you've chosen to discard that particular invite.

“We could go,” He offers after a few moments.

“We could,” You concede, “But it would cut into your nightly activities, and I’m not an opera fan.”

“No?”

“Nn-nn. Too stuffy for me.”

Bruce lifts his head fully, pressing a long, grateful kiss to your temple. You smile, leaning back against him more heavily as his kisses trail over your cheek, down to your jaw.

“What are the invitations you’re considering?” He asks.

“There is a fundraiser for the Gotham Fashion Institute that Liz has gotten us on the list for. She thinks it’d be a good way to ease us into joint public appearances.”

“You wanna go?”

“I think it could be fun.”

“When is it?”

“In a couple of weeks.”

“Seems short notice.”

“It is. She said they had a few cancellations.”

“So we’re the second-string guests.”

“They didn’t think you’d go, so they didn’t invite you in the first place.”

“You have a dress?”

“I’ll find one. Might ask Liz if she knows anyone who can get something together for me on short notice.”

“You’ve been talking to Liz an awful lot these days.”

“I guess,” You shrug. “She and Grant have been a lifeline for this press stuff.”

“Gotham Fashion Institute, then. Anything else?”

“A fundraiser for the Gotham History Museum—”

“Mhm—”

“A gala for the Gotham Academy, aaaaand,” You eyed the return address on an envelope in your hand, “A silent auction for the Gotham City Science Institute.”

“So all of these involve some kind of donation?”

“You’re good for it.”

Bruce chuckles, turning you in his arms as you set the letters aside.

“What am I gonna do with you?” He teases, shaking his head. You smile, curling your arms around his shoulders and cuddling closer.

“I can think of a few things.”

"So can I."

Bruce grasps the back of your thighs, and your stomach swoops as he eases you back onto the counter, scattering the stacks of mail. His lips cover yours before you can tease or fuss. You slide your hand up into his hair, groaning softly as he tugs you closer.

"I thought," You mumble between kisses, "That you were...Going back to bed."

"We both are."

The press isn’t as much of a shock as it used to be, but you haven’t had a clamor like this since Bruce brought you home from Gordon’s office. Your name is being yelled, along with Bruce’s, and you can hardly take anything in for the rapid flashing of cameras. Bruce’s hand rests on your hip, anchoring you to his side as your gazes sweep the press in front of you.

You’re smiling, right? You’re almost certain you are—your cheeks hurt from how much you’re pushing it—

You feel Bruce lean in, his lips brushing your ear:

“Are you giving them your panicked smile?”

You can’t help but break into a real smile, fighting back a chortle. You know that he’s right.

“Don’t make me laugh in this dress,” You warn. “I’ll burst out of my shapewear.”

Bruce’s laugh heartens and warms you, and you lean into him as the camera flashes seem to double. He steers you away from the step and repeat after a few moments, ignoring the calls for one last picture.

“Take your time,” He counsels, “Your eyes will adjust.”

“I should start wearing sunglasses to these things,” You grumble, squeezing one eye shut, then the other in turn. As you adjust, you become acutely aware of the number of people looking at the two of you. Nerves well up, your stomach sinking with panic. You only just manage to keep from taking a step back, letting Bruce’s hand steady you.

“We can leave whenever you want,” Bruce murmurs.

“We should at least stay for the fashion show. Otherwise it’ll just seem rude.”

“Who cares?”

“I do!”

“I do?” Liz’s voice is a welcome reprieve among the curious murmurs surrounding you. “Do I hear wedding bells for you two?”

“Jesus—” You hiss over Bruce’s admonishing, “There wasn’t enough material in the rumor mill already, Liz?”

“Mm,” Liz shrugs, hooking her arm through yours. “I was getting bored with everyone’s rumors about Grant and I getting married. Figured I’d stir the pot, give us a break. Come on!” Liz begins to draw you away from Bruce, “Let’s get you a drink!”

You turn to Bruce, who gently nods you away.

“Go on. I see a few board members. I should find out what that meeting was about.”

“Bruce, that was two weeks ago!”

“I forgot to check the minutes.” Bruce leans in and drops a kiss to your lips before giving Liz a kiss on the cheek. You frown as you see his lips move, and watch Liz give a small nod. He turns, shooting you a wink before he turns, melting into the crowd.

“...What was that?” You ask Liz as she guides you toward the bar.

“He was just thanking me for getting you invited,” She excuses. You’re almost certain that it was more, but you don't want to dive into right now—not when half of Gotham’s social set is eyeing you so closely. “Let’s get you a drink, and then I have a few people I want to introduce you to.”

Keep an eye on her.

That was all that Bruce had murmured to Liz. Bruce keeps them in his periphery as he’s drawn into a conversation with a couple of his father’s old acquaintances. He sees her gradually growing more comfortable as she’s pulled into conversation with a couple of Liz’s friends. Her nervous smile slowly shifts into a genuine one, and he sees a lightness in her that he’s often privy to when they’re alone. And he knows that he ought to be giving the men he's speaking with far more of his attention, but he can’t help but just…Look.

Bruce knows that he shouldn’t glue himself to her side for the length of the evening. He’s used to swanning around these things, having empty conversations with socialites, politicians, influencers. But he also knows that he can’t be her shadow as long as they’re together. He’d spotted the invitations that were only addressed to her. People know who she is, and who she is to him, and that scares the shit out of him. But…Knowing her stubbornness, and her resilience, she’ll want to start getting the hang of these things, even without him around.

And goddamn, is she beautiful. He doesn’t say it enough, does he? He watches her head tip back with a laugh, and he swears it brightens the room. He knows that Liz had been joking about wedding bells, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it.

He hasn’t mentioned it to her, not yet. Hell, he hasn't mentioned it to anyone, not even Alfred. But if anything ever happens to him, he wants her taken care of, and comfortable. He remembers the way that she worried about money when they met, how she forced herself to go back to work after the attempted robbery—he’ll be damned if he ever lets her feel like that again.

Bruce’s heart leaps into his throat as her head turns toward him, her eyes catching his. She tips her chin down just a little, brows raising as she mouths, You okay? It warms him in a way that he can’t describe. In a room full of strangers, in a situation that he knows well and she hardly knows at all, she’s gone out of her way to make sure he is alright. He excuses himself from his conversation, and watches as she does the same. He meets her in the middle, and before she can say a thing, he gently grasps her jaw, drawing her in for a sweet kiss. He feels her curl a hand around his lapel, a gentle hum buzzing against his lips. Bruce breaks the kiss, smoothing his hand over her hip.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” He asks, grinning as she bashfully ducks her head, averting her gaze.

“Liz’s designer really came through at the last minute,” She excuses.

“It’s more than the dress, baby.”

She leans in, kissing him gently again, and Bruce can’t help but wonder if it’s as thanks, or to keep from complimenting her further.

“We should take our seats,” She insists, nodding toward where others are beginning to drift toward the chairs on either side of the catwalk. Bruce takes hold of her hand, allowing her to lead the way.

“How were the minutes of the meeting?” She asks.

“Honestly?”

“Mhm?”

“I didn’t hear a word they said.”

He grins as she snorts a laugh, shaking her head.

“Absolutely ridiculous,” She mutters.

Truth be told, the fashion show passes Bruce by as much as the conversation with the board members did. He spends more time watching her, taking in her reactions.

“Do you see anything you like?” She murmurs.

“Mm,” He glances toward the current model strutting down the runway, taking in slinky white top and the cerulean tasseled skirt. “I’m not sure it’s my style.”

“I’m not sure that it's mine, either.”

“Wouldn’t wear it to work?”

“I don't think it’s office-appropriate,” She giggles. He sees her expression shift, her eyes widening slightly as she watches the next model approach. Bruce casts a cursory glance toward the next model. He watches them go as he murmurs, “What do you like about that one?”

“Who says I like that one?” She meets his eye, smiling at his disbelieving glance. She gives a small, nonchalant shrug. “The necklace is interesting.”

Bruce looks up as the model passes, eyeing the silver x lariat necklace, with a small emerald hanging from one strand, and a small diamond hanging from the other. He turns to look at her again and finds her attention already set on the next model. She may feign disinterest, but he knows her better than to believe it.

“Honey! Are you ready?”

“Almost!” You call back to Bruce, standing from your vanity and stepping into your heels. You smooth your hands over the skirt of your dress as you look at yourself in the mirror, drawing in a steadying breath. Tonight is going to be great. You had a nice time at the fashion show a couple of weeks ago, so the Gotham History Museum is going to be a breeze. You’ll pose for a few pictures, have a few drinks, wander around the exhibits. It’s going to be fun! Honestly, you’ve been actually looking forward to this one. You turn toward the door and raise your brows when you find Bruce there, leaning in the doorway.

“Well?” You give him a small spin. He smiles, straightening up.

“You look beautiful.”

You grin, reaching up and adjusting his tie slightly.

“You look very handsome.”

“Thank you…But I do think you’re missing something.”

You frown, looking down at yourself.

“My purse is on the bed—”

“No,” He shakes his head. “It’s not the purse.”

He draws a long thin box out of his pocket, and before you have a chance to dwell on the sheer injustice of the average depth of women’s pockets, he lifts the velvet lid. Your mouth falls open in shock, your breath catching in your throat as the familiar diamond and emerald glimmer in the light.

“Bruce,” You breathe, shaking your head. “You didn’t.”

“I did,” He chuckles. “Turn around.”

You do as he requests, biting your lip as the coolness of the silver brushes, then settles against your skin. You raise your fingers, trailing them across the diamond and emerald in turn as he fastens the clasp. You watch in the mirror as Bruce presses closer, feel the heat of the kiss he presses to your nape, and the firmness of his grasp as he settles his hands on your hips.

“It looks even more stunning on you than I thought it would,” He murmurs. You shake your head, stunned at the glint of the jewels in the light. You can't even imagine how much this must've cost him.

“I love it.”

“I’m glad.”

“Is this what you’re going to do any time I tell you that I like something?” You tease, turning to face him fully.

“Within reason.”

“So if I tell you that I like a stegosaurus skeleton tonight?”

Bruce’s face twists in mock contemplation.

“Alfred has been considering redecorating the garden.”

You can’t help but laugh, giving Bruce a gentle squeeze.

“What am I going to do with you?”

He gently nudges the tip of your nose with his, eyes warm and smiling as he draws you into his chest.

“I can think of a few things.”

Next Part

#Bruce Wayne x Reader #Bruce Wayne x You #Bruce Wayne/Reader #Bruce Wayne/You #Bruce Wayne fic #Bruce Wayne imagine #The Other Half #asks #replies #requests

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ot3 · 11 months

Note

I recently played the trilogy and haven't made it to the forth game yet (I don't know if I should because no Maya and I feel bad for him for losing his badge), could you please tell me what happens with Phoenix and alcoholism? (only if you feel like it)

definitely at least give aa4 a chance! its not for everyone but imo its got a ton of merit

gonna try and make this shortish because im not feeling super hot today and also because ive already said a lot of this. but essentially in AA4 there are bottles of what very heavily looks like wine but in both the english and japanese are referred to as bottles of grape juice

In AA4, stuff is pretty rough for phoenix. he's not in a great place, and he works odd hours at a russian bar/restaurant where he plays piano and poker. So he's regularly in a location where frequent exposure to alcohol is par for the course. Later on, in the game's second case, there's this interaction that occurs in the hospital when you investigate this bottle in his room.

Now, whether or not the game has any evidence for phoenix being an alcohol depends entirely on whether or not you interpret grape juice as being euphemistic for actual wine, or just a sight gag. I'm not sure how much the inclusion of alcohol boosts a game's rating.

i will say that none of the ace attorney games were M-rated until dual destinies. So it's entirely possible that they just called it 'grape juice' to avoid any sort of concern over that. however, i do remember reading that shu takumi's favorite drink is grape juice, which is why he wrote that in there, although I can't find the source for that now that i'm looking for it so take it with a grain of salt. I do think it is entirely plausible within the tone of ace attorney's humor that 'grape juice bottles that look exactly like wine and are just juice' is a gag they'd go for.

but the truth is, i kind of don't consider this debate relevant at all? you don't have to take the extreme of either interpretation. it is entirely possible that phoenix is a character with a fondness for grape juice who also struggles with alcohol. Maybe phoenix drinks wine when he's at the club and juice when he's at home.

It's a matter of public information that shu takumi drank pretty heavily while working on these games, including at the office if he worked nights or weekends, and it's also been well established that takumi based phoenix a lot on himself. so i think interpreting phoenix as a character with an addiction problem has a lot of merit. On the other hand, I do understand that that's not how some people view him, and that's totally fine. My big problem comes in when people try to act like it is impossible, ludicrous, or somehow harmful to the character's integrity to portray him as an addict.

I think when people try and 'disprove' the headcanon it's always a pretty shitty thing to do, given shu takumi's history. why can you enjoy something written by someone w/ alcohol issues but you draw the line at any of that making its way into the story, even euphemistically? yknow?

#ace attorney #worth noting in aai there is also some Grape Juice in turnabout airlines that is Very Clearly Wine as well #but that game came out after aa4 and was also not written by shu takumi so it might just be an aa4 callback

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armysantiny · 1 year

Text

-[renjun; soft bf headcanon

Nct’s resident artist boyfriend everyone!!

Anywho—

You and Renjun initially met at an art workshop

He was looking for help with a brush technique and there you were, having just learnt it from the art professor

Bless you for offering to help him because he’s certain he wouldn’t have asked himself

Somewhere during the workshop, social media handles are shared

You two are the creative friends to lovers fr

Sending aesthetic pictures to each other and saying what do we think?

Renjun’s the one who takes the initial leap to give you his number

And the rest was history <3

Renjun is 100% the teases you out of love boyfriend

It’s his love language <33

Very much a fan of buying little trinkets he finds that remind him of you

Presents them to you when he gets home by quite literally dumping the paper gift bag in your lap

Immensely satisfied by the reaction on your face

Takes you to craft stores and small privately-owned cafés on dates

Saves your favourite new cafés and restaurant on his phone so can grab desserts and take-out from there on his way home for you

This man makes such a good impression on your friends

I’m convinced they smother him in affection whenever he joins you on an outing

Low-key pleading for help with his eyes while he’s having his poor soul squeezed out of him

And you’re over there watching him suffer with an unassuming grin on your face

What did he really expect from you, huh?

You little traitor – his words, trust me

But it’s fine, he loves you anyway

Even if he’s wheezing to get his breath back

Isn’t the biggest fan of PDA but peppers you with kisses all over the second you two are alone

Expect forehead kisses and the occasional peck on the lips when you two are outside

Hand holding with Renjun >>>

Makes up for his lack of PDA by having your hand in his almost always

He stuffs your hand in his pocket when it’s cold and puts a hand warmer in the hand he is (unfortunately) not holding

Pretends not to absolutely combust when you put your head on his shoulder as you’re walking home from a date

He feels absolutely normal about this. Yes :D

Takes candid pictures of you and uses them in a collage that he surprises you with on your birthday

I swear down he has the softest of smiles as you process the gift in your hands

Has the sweetest of heart eyes fr

“This…you made this for me?”

“Of course I did, my love~”

You better keep this man

Renjun best boyfriend

I’m rooting for you two <3

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If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading! Consider reblogging, leaving some feedback or donating to my kofi!

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navstuffs · 1 year

Note

ezio auditore x shy!fem!reader ?

Il Dottoressa

Pairing: AC2!Ezio x ShyFem!Reader

Summary: Ezio has a crush on you, the doctor's daughter; or where Ezio gets hurt on purpose to see you.

Warnings: non-canon compliance, non-history compliance (i had to adapt), LONG ONE-SHOT, no description of reader, FLUFF, blood, injuries, italian translated using translator

Author's Notes: hii, thank you so much for requesting <3! i hope you enjoy reading it because i had tons of fun writing it! just a reminder: my requests for ezio are still open! click here for more info!

You should consider yourself a lucky woman. Your father Giuseppe was a man of Science, a doctor who always cared about your well-being and education, especially after your mother's death. He didn't obligate you to wed or have kids like most parents.

For him, for you to carry the family's legacy was to become a doctor. So you did your best to learn as much as possible, in secret. To the rest of society, your father suggested you be portrayed just as his errand daughter. Nobody knew the full extent of your abilities. So you advised treatments, assisted your dad in the shop he had, and turned out to be every child's favorite doctor. They were easier to talk to than most adults. You meet Ezio on your first day alone at the shop. Your dad had to help a patient with an urgent matter in another town and gave you clear instructions on how to proceed.

"They will try to bargain but do not drop the price too much. Let them think they got a deal."

The day went by relatively easy. Two regular clients pass by to get some medicine and talk a little. After a few hours of boredom, you open a book and let your eyes wander through the pages. Your dad may allow you to help with surgery next time if you gather more knowledge. You also needed to focus on having a steady hand...

"Scusi."

Startled by the sudden voice, you held your book close to your chest so it wouldn't fall. When you turn around, you immediately recognize the man: Ezio Auditore. Your dad had alerted you about him: the questionable man with a white robe and hood that always paid the total price. Your dad ordered you not to over-extend the conversation with the strange man. Your attention goes to his arm, where he was holding a torn, bloody sleeve. You don't need to predict he will ask you for a curative. You point to the chair, and Ezio sinks into the chair.

You get some alcohol and some clean cloths. You have no reason to be afraid or nervous; you are in the middle of town, and the man won't do anything. And now, most importantly, he was a patient.

Ignoring your internal concerns, you focused on working. His torn sleeve was soaked with blood, but you no longer saw any blood dropping out of the cut, so you concentrated on cleaning the blood from the injury with alcohol. Like most people, Ezio didn't react to the pain, so you continued. Then you begin to wrap his arm in a bandage. That cut had to be done with a sharp spear.

"Where is the other Signore that stays here?" Ezio asked, his voice sounding tired.

"My father had business somewhere else," You responded, focusing on finishing the bandage. When you are done, you make sure it was all secured. Looked perfect.

"So I won't lose my arm anytime soon, Signorina?" Ezio attempted to joke, giving you a faint smile, and you ignored him. You placed your stuff on the shop's cart and waited as he checked your work.

"Grazie. I haven't seen any women doctors around town. What is your name?"

"It will be 30 florins, Signore."

"Va bene," Ezio put the money in your hand, and you counted. It seems he gave you an extra five florins. He was already gone when you lifted your head, disappearing in the middle of the people. You want to call his name and catch up to him, but you shake your head. He either purposely did that, or it was just a mistake.

After that day, your dad decided you could stay in the shop alone. You were so excited and thrilled. Your dad could now go to another town as a doctor while you cared for his business.

You glow with pride and happiness. You see Ezio Auditore once or twice, jumping around buildings, doing who-knows. He didn't seem to notice you, which you thanked mentally. You had asked your dad what exactly Ezio was doing, and your dad affirmed it was neither your business nor his to know, it just looked dangerous. Ezio only appeared in his shop with parts of his body hurt, cut, bruised, or broken more than the average person. As curious as you are to ask, you understand your dad is done with this conversation.

The next time you see Ezio, he has a dislocated shoulder. You try to give him something to bite, but he shakes his head, gritting his teeth. You want to ask how he got this, but it is not your place. When you pop his shoulder back into place, Ezio grunts. You recommend that he avoid using that shoulder for more vigorous activities. Ezio gives you a half-smile as if he knows something you don't.

"It will be 50 florins this time."

You feel he gives you more florins when he hands you the money.

"You are giving me too much, Signore."

"As a thank you. Can't I do that?"

You don't really know how to respond to that. It is his money. Extra money even. Before you can answer, he grabs your hand and kisses it lightly. You freeze in your spot, unable to move.

"Name is Ezio Auditore. Can you tell me yours?"

It is your first time giving a good look at Ezio Auditore. He seems to have brown hair. He has a scar across his lips, now with what appears to be a naughty smile, which just makes him more charming. He is staring at you, really staring at you. You want to protest, but your voice dies down your throat. You gulp, trying to find something to say, but nothing comes out.

"We shall see each other around, Dottoressa."

And you do end up seeing him, now what it seemed once at least every week. Ezio appears with a horrible bruise on his back and watches, delighted, as you look away, mortified, when he lifts his robe. He appears a few days later with a raspy cough. Then, comes back three days later, alleging he fell to his head and had a horrible headache. You want to ask him if there are no other doctors in town, but hold your tongue. And Ezio was sincerely trying to make you smile and laugh most of the time.

Like when he appeared with a bow attached to his back. You took it out carefully, ensuring you didn't hurt him too much or cause him to die. Besides, you were thankfully thanking his presence at this point: the rate Ezio got injured, he would end up being your first surgery.

"Does it look like I die today, Dottoressa?" He exclaims as you finish cleaning the hole. Why he has to say that in such a sexy way?

"Not today, Signore Auditore."

"Ezio," He corrects you, as the other times, and you roll your eyes, ignoring him. When you are done, Ezio gives you more money than he should.

"I should not go far, probably. I will get hurt and come here for you to repair me." You answer him with a half-smile, too nervous to say anything else. You know he is getting hurt on purpose; he probably knows that as well, and instead of sending him away, you continue seeing him.

"Oh, mhm, I almost forgot," Ezio taps his body, takes out a book, and handles it to you. It seems to be about different kinds of poisons and diseases.

"What is this?"

"For you, Dottoressa. I have seen you read books about it and presumed you would like it."

You are surprised, flipping over the book with care. It looks expensive and updated. That would help you so much with your studies. You couldn't believe Ezio got you something like this.

"Signore Ezio, I can't accept it. "

"Per favore?" Ezio's voice sounds like he imploring, "You have done so much for me. It is the least I can do."

You want to say no and argue that he has already given you more money than he should, but Ezio appears so anxious for your answer. You feel the heavy book in your hands, and your desire gets the best of you. You nod, and Ezio's worried expression turns into a big smile.

"I will see you around, Dottoressa."

"Grazie, Ezio." You finally say when he is too far away to hear it.

After that, your relationship with Ezio got closer. Although you hadn't said your name, he seemed satisfied to watch you flustered when he called you "Mia Dottoressa favorita" or "Il Dottoressa Bella." Or when he continued to bring you more books. When you finally open them at home, they would have different flowers inside.

It wasn't hard to keep all of that hidden from your dad. Your father was out of town almost daily, traveling around Italy. It was also challenging to just not tell Ezio your name. Before, it was for your sense of security, but now, there wasn't much reason to keep it hidden. Ezio was nearly like a friend. Yes, he could be cocky and a little show-off, but he also had a gentle and entertaining side. He could listen to you speak for hours about how crazy the human body could be. He never interrupted you or seemed bored. On the contrary, it was like nothing else existed except for you.

"Are you going to be a Dottoressa at the end?"

"Si, Signore Ezio. Your books are helping me a lot." You confessed, feeling breathless like always when he was around. Gathering all your courage, you finally ask him, "Can I ask you something?"

"Si?" Ezio's gaze looks full of hope.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Why are you always so hurt? Who are you fighting?"

Ezio ponders for a moment before answering.

"For mi familia. I would tell you more, but- " You certainly felt like you shouldn't have asked now. Idiota, you think.

"Well, if that might help you... I am your Dottoressa after all."

"Oh, you are my Dottoressa?" The way he emphasized the word my! You wish a hole had just opened in the ground so that it could eat you as a whole. This was something regular now: Ezio always says or does something to leave you without words. One of those days, you will gather all your courage and do the same to him.

But until then, you are happy that Ezio sticks around. Always afraid he will be one of these days badly hurt, and you won't be around to help him. You could only hope he would always come back to you.

EPILOGUE:

You are almost home when a few guards rush in your direction, screaming and pointing at the sky. With your heart shrinking, you look up, wishing that Ezio is safe tonight. Almost at your door, you hear a loud thumb next to a haystack pile. Looking around and assuring there is no one, you investigate the origin of the noise. To your surprise, you see Ezio badly injured. You run to kneel at his side, checking the extension of his wounds. It doesn't look well.

Merda merda.

"Ezio? Can you hear me?" He is semi-conscious, his eyes struggling to stay open. You can hear more guards getting close. With no choice and all your strength, you pull his body towards the haystack, hiding and praying that the guards won't see the trail of blood behind you.

The guards finally arrive, and your heart bumps against your chest as they investigate everywhere. You feel Ezio's rapid breath as you lightly place your hand on his chest as if keeping you there alive with you.

Ezio moans low, and you bend to his ear, whispering frantically.

"Shhh, I am here, Ezio, it is me. We will be okay."

When the guards finally leave, after what seems to take an eternity, you leave the haystack pile, making sure no one is around. Not hearing anyone, you hurry back to Ezio, attempting to make him fully conscious.

"Ezio, per favore, you have to focus on me. On my voice. We need to get you out of there, we need to bring you inside!"

"Dottoressa?" His voice sounds so weak it just breaks your heart. You hold his cheek, and his skin feels hot. A fever? What if he has been poisoned? You have to get him in your house, but you are afraid to pull him, and he dies, afraid you might be found by the Guards, and he dies.

There is no time for this, Dottoressa. This is your patient, and you better save him.

You pull Ezio's body with your arms to your house entrance. With difficulty, you place him on an old sofa-like, not caring about the mess. With not a lot of options, you rip his destroyed robe and his shirt. At this point, Ezio is shaking with cold, despite his body being extremely hot. You start disinfecting his injuries, checking how bad they are. It doesn't seem that he was punctured. While you clean, you notice the rest of his body for damages. You take his boots out, and with hands shaking, you rip his pants. Praying mentally for no injuries, you cut until his upper thigh. Nothing. Relieved, you focus on his head, letting go of his ponytail. No extensive injuries. Good. You continue cleaning and give him some medicine for his fever, covering his body with a clean sheet.

You let yourself get distracted by how long his hair is. You always theorized it was much shorter. You pass your finger through his hair, and Ezio lets out a long sigh.

You know the following hours will be crucial. Ezio might react badly; you must stay awake if he needs you. If he was poisoned, he might respond during the night. You bring a chair close to Ezio, watching him peacefully sleep. You implore him to survive. You plead for him to be healthy.

When Ezio wakes up in the morning, he is immediately aware of being in a strange house, not a cell. He tries to move, but his body just hurts so much. Last night, when he was on his way to see you with a small cut on his finger, he ended up getting in the middle of a mess. After fighting his way out, he was still followed. Tired and exhausted, he didn't know the extent of his injuries until he passed out and fell from the top of a building.

He examines around, finding you sound asleep in a chair. How he ended up there? Ignoring the pain in his body, Ezio sits down, roaming his eyes through his body. It could have been worse. He lifts the sheet, notices you cut his pants down and chuckles low. That seems to wake you up, and Ezio feels slightly guilty about it.

"Dottoressa?" He calls you. You promptly get up, touching his head and arms to check for any signs of fever. Looks normal. You were glad you didn't choose the leeches last night.

"How are you feeling, Ezio?"

"I am fine, probably thanks to you. How?"

"I heard something falling from a building last night. When I went to check, I saw you badly injured. Had to hide in a haystack while the guards were looking for you. Brought you here and kept an eye on you for the rest of the night."

"How come if you have slept, Dottoressa?" He jokes, and you laugh, glad to see him alive.

"Now I owe you my life. How much is this even going to cost me, Dottoressa? Am I going bankrupt?" Ezio questions in a teasing tone.

"N-no? I am just glad you are alright, Ezio. I was so afraid last night that you were going to di-"

"You saved me, mia bella. Just to prove you should be my particular Dottoressa. Not anybody else's. Mine." He provokes you again, confident that you wouldn't answer.

"Do you want me? To be just yours?" It is funny to watch Ezio lose all the color on his face. For the first time, he is the stunned one, left without an answer, "What happened, Ezio Auditore? Is something wrong with your tongue? Should I check for you?"

You don't know if it is last night's stress or Ezio looking like he is losing his mind, but you laugh until your belly hurts. Ezio is confused at first but smiles, understanding your joke.

"Very good, mia cara. Very good. Joking with my feelings like that. I could have died last night, you know."

Cleaning the tears in the corner of your eyes, you pull your chair close to his. Ezio observes, curious, while you grab and hold his hand into yours.

"I wasn't joking when I said I could be yours."

Your confession makes Ezio's mouth drop slightly, but he quickly recomposes himself. He cleans his throat, with his other free hand calling you closer. You get up from the chair, your legs shaking, and he starts by caressing your chin. You close your eyes, and Ezio follows his touch to your cheeks and lips. He traces your lips with his fingers, admiring you as the most beautiful piece of art he has ever seen.

You melt in his arms when he brings you closer and finally kisses you. Holding into his shoulder gently, you kiss him back, letting yourself fully stroke his hair. Ezio's hands are placed on your cheeks. When you two finally break apart, you are both breathless, wishing for more. Your heart, your soul, asks for more.

"Dottoressa.."

You shake your head, smiling, and finally tell Ezio your name.

MASTERLIST | EZIO'S MASTERLIST

#ezio auditore x you #ezio auditore x reader #ezio x reader #ezio x you #ezio auditore da firenze x reader #ezio auditore da firenze x you #assassins creed x reader #im happy with how this one turned out #i hope i nailed the shyness and i hope anon likes this!#asks #ask #requests

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max--phillips · 4 months

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Hey, @staff @support @wip @engineering @changes @humans it’s me again. Do you have a second? I would like to draw your attention to something.

So, you know how when you start typing in a tag, it’ll list tags to choose from based on what you’re typing in? Y’know, you start typing “star” and the list will populate “Star Wars” and “Lego Star Wars” among a few other tags you can tap on to auto-complete what you’re typing if you want? Yeah, it’s about that function.

I assumed that these tags populated based on popularity or number of uses. But when I saw some weird shit populate that read more like a clickbait article headline than a tag an actual human being had used at some point, I did some experimenting.

To preface, the tags that I'm about to list here have never once been used on my blog, and are not suggestions from my history. They are purely on tumblr's side.

Did you know that if you type in simply “I need,” the following tags auto-populate?

“I need to lose so much weight,” “I need to lose this weight,” and “I need to ⭐️ve.” Yikes. Knowing this, out of curiosity, I typed in "I want" next. Guess what I found?

"I want to ⭐️ve," "i want to cvt," and "i want to be skinnier." Again, yikes.

But perhaps this is a bit too leading. What if I just type in "I w" instead?

It auto-populates with some repeats, PLUS some more concerning shit. we got "i want to ⭐️ve," "i wanna lose weight," "i will reach my ugw," "i wanna be skinnier," "i wanna be tiny," "i want to cvt," "i want to be skinnier," "i wanna be perfect," "i will lose weight," and "i wish i was weightless."

Let's try just "i n" too, for fun.

We get "i need to lose so much weight," "i need to lose this weight," "i need to ⭐️ve," and "i need to be weightless."

With this in mind, I typed in "ana" because I recognize all of this as stuff people struggling with anorexia have historically said on this platform. Once again, we have some concerning things auto-populate:

"ana meal," "ana bllog," "ana tricks," "tw ana diary," "ana trigger," and "ana rant."

Here's my question: how and why are these auto-populating? This kind of thing literally goes against your own community guidelines. Here's a screenshot from those community guidelines:

I highlighted the text that reads "Don't post content that actively promotes or glorifies self-harm. This includes content that urges or encourages others to: cut or injure themselves; embrace anorexia, bulimia, or other eating disorders;"

I realize that monitoring tags like this isn't going to be perfect, some things inevitably slip through the cracks. But this many tags? Someone somewhere is dropping the ball.

That also leads me to another point.

I, as with many other people on this website, the self-proclaimed "queerest place on the internet," occasionally tag posts with something to the tune of "terfs do not interact" because... well, being a terf is to be inherently transphobic and anti-queer. I noticed something peculiar recently while tagging a post as such.

I'm willing to bet real actual money that the tag "terfs dni" gets used significantly more than the tag "terfsafe," so... why does the auto-populated tag list look like this when you type in "terf?"

We get the auto-populated tags "terfblr," "terfsafe," and "terfism." But not a sign of "terfs dni" or "terfs don't touch." Why is that?

So, again out of pure curiosity, I typed in "rad."

"radblr," "radical feminists do interact," "radical feminist safe," "radqueer" (which isn't radfem related but also shouldn't be on that list), "radical feminism," and "radical feminist community" auto-populate. Considering radical feminism and being a terf are literally the same thing, this is further concerning.

For shits and giggles, I typed in "lgb" to see what I'd get.

Why on EARTH is "lgb drop the t" the second auto-populated tag?

Let's try just the word "gender."

"gender critical" is the second auto-populated tag. Another transphobic term.

I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact trans women can't post entirely safe for work selfies on this website anymore without their post getting flagged as mature content, or the swath of trans women who have had their blogs entirely terminated for no reason recently.

Also, interestingly enough, in your community guidelines, under the hate speech guideline, you have written "Don't encourage violence or hatred. Don't post content for the purpose of promoting or inciting the hatred of, or dehumanizing, individuals or groups based on race, ethnic or national origin, religion, gender, gender identity, age, veteran status, sexual orientation, disability or disease." You may be interested to know that terfs and other transphobes do, in fact, encourage, promote, and incite hatred of, and dehumanize, individuals or groups based on gender and gender identity.

Perhaps what you have auto-populate for tags should reflect things that are popular and inclusive on this website, not... whatever this is. If this is truly the queerest place on the internet, and you want to continue to cultivate it as such, you should probably at least act like it.

Anyway, it'd be cool of you to address these things. Toodles.

#long post #tori says things #max says things #reblogs would be appreciated just so more people see this lmao im mad

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alvivaarts · 8 months

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About Separate Ways (Spoilers)

Wow, guys. I was super excited to get gameplay footage/input from friends about Separate Ways (too broke to own the base game myself) to put into my longfic, but aside from some super cute Luis/Ada moments, I am... dissapointed.

Capcom hire me, at least I can keep the plot consistent because what the actual fuck.

Will discuss below to avoid spoilers (much more story than gameplay, but gameplay wasn't great either), but I'm not going into insane detail save for some things. READERS BE WARNED!

I'm also specifically looking at this through the lens of my own fanfic, Simulation Swarm, which is my take on how Las Plagas works and infected!Leon (in addition, infected!Ashley and a lot of Leon's unacknowledged trauma and relationship issues throughout the game series). I was majorly excited about Separate Ways because it implied that Ada also gets infected- which I really want to still implement even if it changes a LOT of major things about the fic.

I'll go over the good stuff first. AKA, stuff I'm keeping, and not retconning.

1- Luis' characterization was still amazing. It was really nice to see his character balance out Ada's, how he's still as chipper as he can be. Additionally, it's VERY clear how much he cares for Leon and Ashley alike, and he goes out of his way to get Ada the suppressant and still respects her throughout that process. 2- Pesanta/IT/U-3's design with slightly more of a scorpion shape. That was sick! 3- The fact that Ada was aware of most of Leon's movements and a lot of what happened, and in a way was following him around and handling things he couldn't/wasn't aware of. * 4- Ada didn't help Leon into the chair, Ashley did. But that scene isn't even shown. 5- Luis and Ada def had chemistry, and it was so cute!

Well! Short list. Now for the bad stuff. AKA, shit I'm retconning/ignoring/pretending never happened (most of the DLC).

1- Ada's infection is weird as fuck. She got... shot? And infected? And then, infuriatingly (because I've spent WAY too much time thinking about the physiology of Las Plagas and researching w/ the help of others how the infection would work) PUKES UP her plagas?!?!? HELLO!? This in particular drives me insane because like. Las Plagas nests and develops behind the sternum, between the lungs, where it can attach to the nervous system along the spine. It is TOO BIG for a human body to fight against, it's growth shoving lungs out of the way is why people cough up blood. It's nowhere near the throat or stomach and clearly it's extremely well engineered/evolved for human hosts not to end up in conveniently the wrong location. And if she did puke it up, at that point, miraculously, after two days? Her intestines are fucked. She's dying of internal bleeding. I don't fucking care how much of a bad bitch Ada is because at that point Wesker wasn't gonna help her. The fuck? Capcom, know your own lore challenge. 2- We got NO backstory, not even HINTS about Ada's past and origins. Again. 3- * Seriously made Ada's character into a very flat character and removed a lot of the urgency/clear want for her to help Leon from the original DLC. Seriously, she does not gaf about anything but her mission and making it more convenient for herself. Everything she does to help Leon is sheerly coincedence- which, honest to fuck, does not line up. Especially considering she appears to completely lack empathy until... uh oh, Wesker wants to kill a bunch of people? Like sure, she has that BRIEF conversation with Leon in the boat but like... what happened to the people she has history with, the people she could've ABSOLUTELY been saving to spite Wesker and allow her to have her own motives until whoop-de-doo, uh oh, gotta stop a genocide! Be so for real. 4- Bonus: After Luis helped her and she'd made the deal to get him out, he, still dying, calls her with a warning about Krauser. It took a long time for him to die. She SHOWED UP after witnessing the fight and pretty much just... left him. Despite all of that. Which I get from a 'not fucking with canon' standpoint, but seriously. 0 effort. 5- Krauser literally fucking gets away when she fights him???? 6- Wesker keeps making appearances. For some reason. It's not even clear why, he literally just shows up to be intimidating and to threaten Ada into doing the job but like. At that point, honest to fuck, he could've done it himself? Also it was majorly hard to empathize with Ada considering we STILL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER OR HER MOTIVATIONS. 7- Luis has no distinct fire trauma. (Okay. Revoking this after the discussion, I just had a no media literacy moment after everything I was taking in. Luis' response was actually pretty good and honestly? Should be appreciated. Though it does bring up another point- while I love Luis, I guess I was walking in with it more being an expectation for it to be 'Ada's Story'. We didn't get that, though the Luis background was great!) 8- Ashley's interaction with Ada was a single line asking for help and Ada just. Walks off.

Anyway, everything I've seen first hand and have discussed with others has left a sour taste in my mouth. Boo, @Capcom. Good thing I can make up my own stupid little stories and pretend that none of that happened.

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t0bey · 6 months

Note

sorry!! I meant the new storymode chapter for idv that came out!

ohh i see! ty for clarifying ^^ forgive me bc this is gonna be long and i have MANY thoughts

i actually really loved this episode a lot?? in terms of actual gameplay content i think i even enjoyed this more than TOR, (excluding out of game elements of the event like the animations) and considering my main gripes with episode 1 was how short it was, this ep being 50+ minutes in total definitely solved that problem i had!!

i really enjoy the pacing of everything so far, even if im kind of confused on if our choices actually impact anything? i think part of it is explained by orpheus clearly trying to manipulate what alice does in certain parts of the game like confronting frederick, but others seem like its just the option of choices getting in the way of the game's v obvious linear storytelling lol. i hope that the choices that affect relationships actually serve a purpose long-term

i was wondering how they were going to include mary in the main lore considering for years she's only really been a retelling of marie antoinette's history, but honestly? i love that they fleshed her out into her own character being mary de capet instead of just marie antoinette, and she has her own lore with the racecourse and frederick too. i loved the chase between her and alice sm, and it was interesting how it turned out that in actuality it was *frederick* that alice was hallucinating as mary

anyways mary showing up in HD and having a badass entrace was very cool

also i think everyone knew frederick was going to be taken out somehow and i like that its very open ended what happened to him so far? personally think he might've gotten killed or something after alice fainted at the racecourse, since his stuff was still in his room + Norton is very obviously his replacement at the end (him sitting in fred's chair). plus i think game participants only get replaced if they die, like what happened with servais replacing murro after he got killed by naib

I was REALLY hyped to see the secret medicine lab return from TOR!! and i like that alice used the same rat testing method detective did back then too lol. what really piqued my interest was realizing that when she starts hallucinating and runs away from fool's gold, it wouldn't make sense bc she wouldn't have met him until breakfast the next day. but then when you look at the figure who forced her to drink the drugs to knock her out, if u look close enough it's clearly Norton.

seems like he is working with orpheus at least to the degree that he knows what to do down in the lab by himself, which is interesting and explains why alice would hallucinate FG before actually being introduced to norton the next day.

also considering orpheus chloroformed alice while she was hallucinating before she woke up strapped to the chair and norton made her forget what happened, p much spells theyre working together imo?

overall i really like that this episode leaves you with just as many questions as it did answers (mainly about frederick) and im very curious how they explore melly and orpheus's ACTUAL involvement in the manor games, considering its p obvious theyre both lying to alice in the bedroom scene. have my thoughts on orpheus's actual deal w the forest ranger he mentions but this post is already long enough lol. i hope melly gets more spotlight next episode 🙏

#ask #anon #ashes of memory spoilers #ashes of memory episode 2 spoilers

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thesapphicdiaries · 1 year

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an unhealthy obsession ;; ellie w. x abby a. x reader ;; pt. 1

and i'll get done for somethin' stupid like disturbance of the peace. | (ghostface au)

NOTES: this is entirely self indulgent tbh ,,, but fuck it !! we ball. future chapters will b linked here <3 reblg if u want to be tagged idk that's it. modern au btw. ellie might be a little ooc? for the sake of the au

TRIGGERS: murder but it happens offscreen + blackmail under the threat of violence n manipulation. there's also smoking wed

You'd be the first to admit your interests tended to ebb on morbid.

Maybe, you muse, it had to do with the source of your upbringing: Jackson. It was a stereotypical small town, where, cliché as it was, everybody knew everybody. The town's history was clean as a goddamn whistle. While places like Seattle— Abby's hometown— were a hotspot for crime due to the sheer amount of people making it slightly harder to get caught unless you were a goddamn idiot, with the close proximity of everyone within Jackson from Dina to Tommy Miller, any crime you could commit would be shut down by the local police force in a month at most.

At least— that was what you thought.

So, you indulged your macabre curiosity elsewhere: you binge watched slashers despite your parents' vehement protests and you researched the violent happenings that often took place outside your sheltered hometown. Hell, you'd even indulged in one of those stupid fucking murder mystery games with some of the allowance you'd managed to spare that wasn't spent on various branded paraphernalia... and the other kind, but nobody needed to know that.

You weren't exactly surprised at how others seemed to be creeped out by you: Friday the 13th wasn't exactly a commonplace interest. Even so, you'd managed to make a few close friends whom you considered enough to get you by.

You jolt as your locker slams shut beside your head, and Abby's cackling is all too familiar.

"Fuckin' dick," you groan, feigning your exasperation— you'd finished putting your stuff away, anyway. "What happened to 'hello'? 'How was your day, Y/N?'"

"Your day's always the same," Abby provides helpfully, and you roll your eyes. "You wake up, come to school, indulge the same 3 people—" Her, Ellie, and Dina— "in the same rotation of conversations until they leave, go home, get violently high, watch whatever weird slasher your fancying that night, and then go to bed."

You blink owlishly. "Got my schedule memorized down pat there, Abs. You been stalking me?" You smirk, playfully, but your brow arches when she falls suspiciously silent. "Uh... alright."

"Anyway, you're having a change of plans," Abby finally says, and your eyes widen as you pipe up to speak. "You'll still get violently high and watch a slasher, don't worry. You'll just be gracing me and Ellie with your company while you do." She finishes, and you fall silent.

'Alright," you mutter. "Do I get to pick the slasher, or are you gonna pick some cornball shit like Chopping Mall?" You huff. Abby begins to answer, but your phone suddenly chimes with a notification from your news app.

Local man found dead from apparent stabbing.

Your mouth falls open slightly as Abby reads the headline over your shoulder. You fail to notice her nervous expression.

"Huh," you mutter, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. "Something interesting finally happened in this town. Neat."

The choice in film, much to your chagrin, was Chopping Mall. Fortunately, you were too far gone to care.

Your head lolled of the side of the bed, your back strewn across Ellie's legs as you barely manage to register the words spewing from her mouth as you take another hit from the blunt she'd rolled.

"I just don't get how you like these," she complains. "I mean, it's the same damn formula every time. Does it not get boring?"

"That's the pointtttt," you groan. "The more formulaic they are, the better. Sure, some newer takes can be good: but sticking to the classics is a good play. Better safe than sorry." You wave off her concerns.

"Well, look at this little flim critic," Ellie teases as she stares at Abby, who's staring blankly at the ceiling. You'd never fail to find her lower tolerance hilarious.

"I mean," you and Ellie wait patiently through Abby's long pause. "They're right. Formulaic can be good. Patterns are more predictable— easier to keep up." She says, and you notice her and Ellie share a look.

"But they can also suck," she hisses. "Because if you're predictable, it makes it easier to connect. Like, in these movies how they're always killing off dumb, blonde bimbos— you can tell they're all copying eachother." She complains. You squint at the both of them, but don't comment on the subject.

"There's no right answer," you shrug. "I just find the middle ground. Sure, it's predictable, and boring. But it's also the safe call to make. People criticize these movies, but they make fuckin' millions. The original ones get better reviews, but they end up falling flat in the box office."

You don't realize Ellie and Abby's argument isn't referring to movies in the slightest.

"You sound way too fuckin' smart for the both of us," Ellie says, and you snort.

"It's because I am," your eyes flash toward Ellie's clock. "Shit. I gotta go. Parents will kill me if I'm not home soon." You shoot upward, trying to adjust to your surroundings. You cannot come home looking high out of your fucking mind. "See you guys later."

You watch as the two of them give you a halfhearted wave, and once you shut the bedroom door, you chalk up the strange shuffling to... something you don't want to know, honestly.

You don't realize it's much worse than you thought.

You surmise the punishment for being late is slightly lesser than the punishment for coming home inebriated, so you take the risk to sober up in a nearby alley between a convenience store and a small restaurant.

The alley is lit up by string lights and decorated with a few benches— perfectly habitable, and it's not what scares you— what does set you on edge is the unchecked darkness of the forest beyond the alley.

You elect to ignore the unease in your stomach, instead taking a hearty swig of the water you'd bought from the convenience store before coming outside. The tension in your shoulders almost releases, then—

You hear a scream.

A bloodcurdling scream.

Every nerve in your body tells you to run the opposite direction of the plea for help, every goddamn slasher you've watched over the years telling you playing the hero always gets you killed, but it's not heroics that lead you toward the source of the noise.

It's that same morbid curiosity that gets you watching slashers in the first place.

The noises grow louder as you draw nearer, and your eyes widen as you stifle a gasp when you see the bloodied body of Nora lying at the feet of two masked killers. You sigh in relief when you realize the treeline obscures you from view, but the noise comes out far too loud.

It hits you just how fucked you are.

You've made a few essential mistakes in the laws of survival so far, but you're not stupid enough not to run: you make a mad dash, but in a sick (and ironic) twist of fate, you trip over your abandoned water bottle and wince as the solid trunk of a tree collides against with your head with a loud thunk.

Through the blurry haze that is your vision, you see the two killers standing right in front of you. You prepare for the worst, when—

"Y/N?"

Oh, shit.

"El?" You hear the panicked rambling of another woman. "Abs? What the FUCK!?"

You almost kick out when Abby covers your mouth with a gloved hand, but know better than to get violent with the woman twice your size with a fucking hunting knife to boot.

"Ellie, El, this is bad." Abby's voice is shaking. "What the Hell do we do, man?"

The forest falls painfully silent.

"Well," Ellie finally begins. "The best course of action? Kill the witness." You whimper, and mentally hit yourself for showing any vulnerability. "But," she continues. "On the other hand, I kind of like this one."

You will Abby to take her hand off your mouth with a pleading look.

"So," you hiss. "What's your plan, here? I don't have all night. Either get this over with and slit my throat or hurry the fuck up."

Ellie grins. "I've always liked that you were a little feisty, Y/N."

"I said," you grit your teeth. "Hurry up."

"Here's the deal, darling," Ellie tilts your chin up with the hilt of the knife. You look away. "You help us out. And we don't kill you." She wrenches your head forward, just enough to look her in the eyes. "You say no, or you rat us out," she mutters, lowly. "And we slit your throat. Deal?"

It hits you there's not a lot of options on the table. You glance over at Abby, clearly the more emotionally charged of the two, and wonder if you can bargain with her. But, you decide, she's probably just as crazy as Ellie or too scared to say no if her going along with this in the first place was any indication.

And, a darker part of you whispers, you wonder how it must feel, if they're willing to do such heinous things.

Finally, you assent with a shaky nod.

"Alright," you wrench your gaze away again.

"I'll help you."

WC: 1.5K

#and i sure as hell ain't your dad ;; the last of us #get out here you fucking coward ;; ellie williams #i wish somebody loved me enough to make me a stocking ;; abby anderson #the last of us #ellie williams #abby anderson #lesbian #ellie williams x reader #abby anderson x reader #ellie williams x abby anderson x reader #tlou x reader #ghostface au #x reader

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