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s0lar-ch3ri · 10 months

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hurricanes coming on my brithday so time to dfo a chip ramble! (spoilers)

before we go in, yes itll be a multi ramble because i can since its my birthday tmrrr!! (im giving you guys a gift cause yes)

ok so i cannot stop thinking about how a lot of the time chip in mana was called "racist" it was like, something he wouldnt have known. the "are your horns real?" weird question, sure, but it doesnt really sound like it (THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO UNDERMINE IT! if its racist, it doesnt matter how it sounds, it is racist.) would be that offensive. the special accent done when he was being "drip"? immediately shamed and not even told what he did wrong. as i noted, no, racism is racism, but it just seems like whenever chip fucks up, its called out upon and is never explained why its so terrible. and thats really what bothers me on it, because both times, its races that chip has never really hung out with (a tiefling [niklaus]) (chip was disguised as a triton yet used i guess a voice similar to a grung??? its confusing, and before you say "but chip knows felipe who was a grung!!" yes, thats why the 'never really' was added, because while he knew felipe he probs didnt know his culture and shit) and wouldnt have known what was considered offensive. and yes, they have every right to be mad, but if i said something fucked up, i would have a right to be explained why it was wrong. i dont know, maybe somewhere in me now chip probably while more cautious with his words, has some anxiety on what he says will be offensive and he'll get yelled at for it and shit (maybe self projection tjhough you can never tell).

while ive seen reasonable ideas of ollie and chip being like brothers, it means a lot to me that like, chip, who didnt really have a parental figure before and the closest he had was arlin, still tries to be a good dad to ollie. like, he knows ollie has an actual dad and mom who probably are worried sick about him, but hes out here with him. and the guilt must sting, but when that kid tries to get into some crazy plan of his crew mates and he sees that smile, he sees why theyd want this kid back. its like "i have barely a clue how to be a parent, let alone a good one, but i will try my best to be one for you here until we get you back home." and ollie sees it too, and i feel like ollie loves his sea dad (who he knows is super cool). i just, them

ya know how i used the "i arely know how to be a parent" thing? i kinda thought on it, and thats basically chip. "i barely know how to do this/be this, but ill try my best to do it right, for them". he wants to be a good pirate for arlin. he wants to be a good captain for his crew. (as i mentioned) he wants to be a good dad for ollie. he wants to be a good person and friend for jay and gill. he wants to fight this war for gillion and lizzie. and he wants to be the best chip he can, not just for his friends sake, but his own. he does it all with a purpose and while he has barely a clue how to, hes going to fucking try and with willpower and destijny, hell fucking do it.

a joke chip fact mentioned in ep 90 for chip was that hes lactose intolerant but he still drinks milk and i cannot like stop thinking about it. cause like, it makes sense. its not his craziest. when getting chased by a dangerous creature, he immediately becomes its "ideal mate" and gives himself "birthing hips" as like his first reaction. he became an old lady and tried to get his pinkie chopped off by the fucking child one time (it instead was done by gill...who used his big fucking sword. yeeouch). i just think about it cause chips insanity is only brought up when it comes to his plans. but, like, where is the crazy chip when his plan fails and he has to bullshit it?! wheres the talk for fucking "hot mode"?! where are the girlies that find it so silly and funny when a bad guy threatens chip and he just comes back like a fucking toddler?! chip is so silly and its just only discussed when chip has a stupid plan (DO NOT GET ME ON ABOUT "if you have another dream me and chip will kill the sun" which while said by gill, chip has no problem with it. like hes not questioning it) which is very sad imo

another thing btw about how chips "horrid plans" are always, like referred to be bad and fail, but he has had working plans and good (even if insane) plans! sure, hes very cringe fail, and he has had bad plans, but its not every plan that fails. his plan with cedric? worked pretty well. using the ball bearings to make that robot trip? gillion just failed his fucking blessing and got a nat 1. the old lady jay disguise? the navy general disguise? granted, some of the best working plans were disguise related, but even the risky one with the fucking suitcase and ollie had worked! so honestly, i was surprised (and still dont believe) when chip had to share a secret about himself and said hes never had a plan. because honestly? the fucking bullshit he thinks up has no right to be insanely well done improv. like, jay doesnt have to be "the one smart person on board" because theyve all had moments of smartness and yet only jay is shown it

anyways im losing ideas maybe ill ask the fnc guy for characters to ramble on lmao

#jrwishow #jrwi podcast #jrwi #jrwi riptide #jrwi show #just roll with it #jrwi spoilers #jrwi chip #jrwi gillion #gillion tidestrider #jrwi ollie #jrwi jay #jay ferin #chip lastname #chip bastard #early birthday post #jerwee supreme

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mental-health-advice · 3 months

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Hello!

(tw mentions of sh but nothing graphic)

I really dont know if this is the place for this, if so simply being able to write this out is probably helpful. I am in a romantic relationship with someone who self harms (were both 19). This was a thing i knew about before we got together, we were both going through a rough patch then and bonded a lot of beinf able to talk about our problems, i think back then i was so busy dealing with my own mountain of problems and thoughts of self inury (that i luckily never followed through on) that worry for someone else didnt even fit.

While all the resources I can find are really helpful im at a bit of a loss now, ive done everything right, i already had expierience with other friends and myself. They are in therapy and are on the path to healing, take good care of the wounds generally and we can openly comunicate about this and generally have been able to do so effectively.

These last few months however theres been more slip ups than before. I know progress is not linear, and its still much a work in progress (this has been an issue for 7 years, 1 year of recovery is obviously nothing). I am incredibly proud of the progress they have made, last year it was twice weekly trips to the ER, so even twice a month is huge already. also know they wont be able to quit or even signficantly reduce the self harm until they move out, since their family is unstable and does everything wrong (gets angry, threatens with ultimatums, generally extremely scared of their scars).

last few times with a slip up its made me freak out too, I have an anxiety disorder which this now triggers (i used to have a slightly better grip on this) I try to remain calm and helpful for their sake, but its mostly incredibly upsetting im not there to help them, and i know being there to talk helps but ive run out of material ways to help. It also feels like it proves my fear that something will always go wrong, which can lead me to have panic attacks. Ive talked about this with them of course and we get through it together, i really want to be better at keeping a slightly leverer head though. I used to have counceling too who helped me, but since i turned 18 and finished school im now on a waitinglist for adult help, and while talking to other friends helps somewhat its still generally makes me panic, sleep badly and sometimes have nightmares. I really love them, whenever were together we bring out the best in eachother and im afraid if i talk about this too much to people theyll tell me to break up with them.

we have plans to move in together for university next year, which im sure will help a lot (i know they wont magically heal then either, but ill be there as a more sturdy support and theyll be able to access ER, etc without being shamed) and ill have a therapist again then too, so its just these coming months that are going to be very rough. I just never know how to calm myself down, i know its not rational (they are hurt but never badly, they always talk to me about it, their psychologist will generally help too) i also know im allowed to feel sad and scared, i just want to be more in control.

back when i had a therapist she used to talk about trying to stay at my own feelings, not getting dragged down into someone else. But i just dont know how to do that, whenever it happens its just so sad and i hate it. No matter how much i remind myself even after ive allowed myself a period to be sad that itll be okay and they are relatively safe and i see them every week it feels so awful. Its not very tennable to ruin my whole night, next day on this every time. sorry this is sooo long but i feel the context is important as ive gone through a lot of advice, thank u tho.

Hey there,

Whilst I think that it is great that you have been able to help this person for such a long period of time, unfortunately it is not always sustainable no matter how much we would like it to be. This though doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try if you want to, I am just trying to point out that unless you look after yourself too and put a bit of a barrier between you and this person then it is likely that things may not change or improve for YOU.

I know how great it can feel when we help another and especially when we see such big improvements for the person we are trying to help and support, but the end line is that we can only do so much until we ourself begin to crumble or struggle a bit (which it sounds like you are to some degree) and so I am wondering if you can put some space between this person and you at all to focus on yourself a bit more and self-care may be of some benefit to you.

In regards to this person, any day of no self-harm is an amazing achievement and no amount of set backs or slip ups/ relapses can take these achievements away from them. It’s important to know that that recovery comes from within and so unless this person chooses to and is ready to focus on their recovery then it is unlikely that things will change for them and they will still be in survival mode. This is in no way your fault, and nor is there much you can do about it as we cannot choose recovery for another person, it has to be when they are ready and choose to try to commit. And even then, it’s quite normal to go back to survival mode and go back and forth between recovery and not, this does not mean they are not still trying, but rather they are just human like everyone of us are. I remember in my own recovery away from self-harm I did go in and out of trying to not self-harm depending on how strong I felt on the day and what triggers may have come up that made me want to self-harm, this didn’t mean I wasn’t trying or that, it was just that I was really struggling and the urges to self-harm were too strong to try and fight them.

So, what can you do?

To begin with try to be patient with yourself and this person and know that even when they seem to not be trying, they actually are. Try to put some space in between you and this person to enable you to look after yourself too. You can do this by practising good self-care (trying to eat healthy, doing some exercise a few times a week and trying to get a good nights sleep) and tyring to have some ‘down time’ where you can simply just think about yourself and do some things that you enjoy doing whatever that may be. I know that you may feel selfish and bad for taking some time out for yourself, but if you don’t look after yourself then it won’t be sustainable to help support others and be there for them if you choose to do so.

In regards to how it can make you feel when this person does self-harm or is struggling quite a bit, as your therapist mentioned to you, try to take a step back and allow yourself some time to grieve or feel sad and try to be kind to yourself – I know how it can feel like a loss to you as well when someone is struggling and self-harms as a result, but in reality it has nothing to do with you and how much or how little you are there for the, it is bound to happen anyway and this in no way reflects on you and how good a job you may be doing to support them through difficult times and days.

I know that you mentioned that it can cause great anxiety when they do self-harm now, and so when this happens, again, try to be kind to yourself and do try to take some time out for you. And I know, this is much easier said than done, but it will get easier though with practice and it may also be helpful to check out our page on calming anxiety and panic as well for some more ideas on different coping strategies.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #self-harm #supporting others

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tismemaximusprime · 9 months

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what do the fuck i even say anymore to you? i've told you twice already how i felt completely forgotten and just here in this. im only here so you can be with k. i cant bring it up to you again bc itll just get lost again or ill receive pity comments or something. why cant you just be real w us and say im just here to let you be w k. like just fucking tell me. i got a fucking compression sports bra while i wait for a binder and you didnt even say anything when i tried telling you about it but automatically i say k got a new shirt and youre like "omg youre so cute". like wtf? i thought you were supportive of me too but anything i say is brushed past but not k. im just here. im not wanted here and i never was and its foolish for me to even think i was wanted for a second. this is stupid and i just cant say anything and dont want to. im not going to say anything. ill go on forever or however long you and k stay together. im just gonna be here unfortunately and always forgotten about. im not important to you at all. and im pretty sure you feel sorry for me or something bc once you say a compliment to k you automatically change it to "both of you" insinuating you always remembered i was here or in the equation. im not gonna say anything at all. and if k brings it up, im fine. im moving past it all and faking it bc this is not love and respect. you do not love and respect me or want me here. im not important and man i truly feel like. i really want to self harm rn. i found the scissors. she tried to hide them but i found them. it doesnt matter and nothing will ever. im just gonna be forever forgotten and abandoned and not wanted but used. i just wish youd actually love me and listen to me. i want to care about you and love you but its so fucking hard when i know for a fact im not. k is though. she is everything to you. i wish i was enough for anyone. i wish i didnt have to force myself for others to be happy w me. i wish i could be happy and not be bothered by this stuff. but like this is a fucking throuple not a regular poly relationship. all three of us are supposed to be communicating and being there for us all. im here for both of you especially k. i used to feel like i could tell her anything. i no longer have that feeling bc it doesnt matter anything i say. its either forgotten and just passed over and never thought again or i get a horrible reaction from you and feel even more like a piece of shit. i dont want you to feel sorry or bad that im not being treated fairly. it doesnt affect you at all anyways. even after all this is said and done and talked about tonight before bed, nothing will change tomorrow. im still on the back burner. im still just here and ive accepted it already. i will not be happy. i will never been seen as equal and i know that now. as much as i was cried to and told it was wrong here we are. why cant i be attractive enough for people? why cant i be pretty or handsome or fit at all? im disgusting and i always will be to everyone. i just thought i looked so good today but nothing. I DIDNT HAVE GENDER DISPHORIA AT ALL TODAY BC I ACTUALLY FELT GOOD. but stupid me for bringing it up but it didnt matter. she probably didnt even notice even though i told her. i feel like garbage. like absolute shit. im scum and dont deserve to be happy. its funny how i finally feel "happy" then bam it was all a lie. gone. my birthday is on monday. ill be 29. prodigy says before 30. lets go.

#everydaymollysays #personal

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fraener · 1 year

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3/13/23

i did some ifs after my entry the other day and i felt a big wave of calm come over me. ive been worried ill get the stomach flu since i know its going around in the city and fen caught it and a woman at the flea market was saying they were talking about it on the radio-although it could have been the bacterial disease too. im slowly unpicking the terrible knots of the last couple of years, trying to go slowly and not break any threads, trying to be attentive and patient as i can be. i got to see shady and it was so nice. we talked and talked till the small hours, last call at the bar. it felt good to talk about ian in full and have everything be validated and related to. it demoted him slightly, broke up the fiction slightly. he hasnt responded to my text, i still dont think he will- but the thought doesnt break me. ive broken down my responses a little- i dont think my ocd is as a reaction to current instances of lack of control, but it feels to me like an octopus or a leech; im always pulling its grasp off of something just for it to grab onto another thing immediately after. i unhooked it from the foodborne illnesses fear and now its holding tight to being worried about the virus. not different, but not the same i suppose. my will is so bent to protecting and holding and validating that lagging ball of grief. i and my will remember the momentum in moment of ian because my will was free- i knew at that point my life was huge, and everything bigger around me- i could do anything i wanted. i suspect the lack of control i felt im my relationships(especially aggravated by both m’s), with s, and all of the little stressors made that little part feel really unstable and tug the sleeve of my will so hard it had no choice but to comply and appease. im slowly trying to work its fingers loose. school is almost wrapped up and im having a hard time thinking about what i want to do next spring. just a year to go from now, and ill be done. i know shady and callum are probably moving back east after shadys done with their ME and theyd like for me to come along. im terrified of leaving my grandparents, however, and terrified ill love the east and not want to come back, and terrified i wont like the east and itll be a huge waste of money and time, all at once. but i dont know. theres something about dark little rooms, parquet floors, lead paint and hurricanes. something about the written word, something about the first steps my ancestors took in the us, something about the cultural heart of this colonized land.i know i need to get better before i go, i really need to work out all the trauma and everything. i need to let go of the idea that the smaller something is the easier it is to control. i have no say in whether i get sick, not really. and i have every word in right over how i spend my life! i have to figure out how to remember that my will is my choice, and to live for myself! im holding so much guilt with seemingly no origin and no destination.

the days are a little longer now, the plum blossoms are opening and i can feel myself squirming with possibility under my fear and doubt. I want out!

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heyitsharbor · 2 years

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fucking just. need to vent. about a lot of things. so tags have some cws. dont read unless you really want to lmfao

one time i actually feel like i have something i need to talk to my therapist abt and i cant for two weeks. and thats if he wont message me to say 'hey can we reschedule bc its labor day' even tho he has the day open on his scheduler. and then itll be 3 weeks bc i have no other days i can see him.

and i just. like. sorry! i cant. like. yeah. whatever. im allowed to be sad. doesnt mean it helps to be sad with no way to fucking deal with it because i dont fucking know how to process grief especially not alone. my family doesnt process shit unless im the one handling it for them so yeah ill comfort my mom about how hard it is for her now my cats gone .

and ill push and push and push for our other cat to get her appt bc my dad doesnt fucking think its necessary to go to the vet for an ear infection (because he doesnt go to the doctor for them) like. love this. love that i have to argue for basic fucking care that we CAN afford because he's so stubborn he'd rather himself be in agony than go to a doctor

and I have to break into doing all these new things that I've never done before because of trauma or unmedicated ADHD or fucking god knows what other excuses i have, and i feel like im exploding with tension and its branching into other new habits i cant wait to deal with, on top of probably not doing the new things i should be doing

and to top it all off my RSD is like, in full fucking force 24/7 about literally everyone, i either hate people or feel like im the worst person to be around in the world, every thing i enjoy is giving me anxiety because its not good enough or i did a bad job with it or i cant keep up acting like im okay, except when im in the moment and actually do enjoy myself and then just jump right back into the cycle of hating everything again

but like, i can't just fucking vent about how bad i feel all the time, but i dont know what i CAN do and i just want to scream because its like. im fucking trapped . and the longer im trapped, the shorter those windows of feeling normal are. and the more i feel like im irreversibly damaging any friendship i have. and its like ive been through this before, except the last time, i was 16, and apparently i havent learned anything since then because i dont make friends or form lasting connections

like. idk

nothing feels fucking worse than needing to be around friends and going through some rough shit and then apparently everything else is a trigger for something else completely stupid. and you end up feeling both like shit because of the base trigger and then also great, im a shitty fucking person because i cant accept that people are my friends and assume the worst. great . yeah this is a lot of fucking self pity but that's why it's under a read more .

oh. right. and i also have to fucking revisit whether i have a fucking dissociative disorder or not. or just try to float along and exist, but id rather not

#cw pet death #vent #cw rsd #cw self loathing

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firebuug · 2 years

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have not done an oc au ramble in a long time here is my madoka oc au cringe. gotta write my ideas down and share them or they will sit inside my blood stream and rot. it got pretty long so its just buggy ideas for now

i dont know any of the intricacies of madoka magica im just doing shit and like this show. i watched it like a few weeks ago dont come at me

buggy

he's the only bitchh ive got rotating in my mind rn. his entire magical girl theme is ocean and sailor. his little magicalgirl outfit is a sailor suit with a big ribbon and a matching ribbon in his hair because he fuckin loves dumbass outfits!!!!!! they r all like freshmen in high school so buggy has braces. his weapon is a big navy blue metal anchor attached by really long chains and he swings it around to hit, but the chains are also barbed so he can wrap people up in them to do damage! i think his wish would be something along the lines of "i wish this person/thing would never do harm on someone again" or smtng like that, so now his weapon's chains are barbed so whenever he wants to do harm on someone he will also harm himself as kind of a. equal justice kinda thing. double edged blade. he wraps bandages around his hands to try and make it hurt less but when it comes 2 protecting a person he will just grit thru it . he is a lot like sayaka in the sense that he feels like its his responsibility to protect everyone and stop witches before they happen, but seeing how no matter how much energy and will he dedicates to fighting for others the world will continue to throw punches it will. um. itll be a lot for just a little guy 😔

also witchsona bc im a slut for the witch designs, im still drawing both his magical girl form and witch form ough... idk what his witch name would be but when he turns into one his labyrinth is like a big cardboard ocean kinda like this:

n the sky is a bunch of stock images of overly cheery sunny days and vacation magazine cutouts just flashing all over the place fuck it. it looks like a big stageplay and there r always cardboard cutout islands in the horizon that r unreachable

and when you enter the labyrinth you’re on the shore of a beach with a shipwreck. and u see this huge looming shape in the distance. and its like this big bunched up sea siren mermaid thing with tentacle hair obscuring her face tangled up in a tangle of barbed chains and fishnet and its kind of like a cocoon bc the chains extend up up up into the sky and to the sides endlessly. there r pieces of sea debris and barrels and shipwreck parts in the sea floating that u have to jump across to reach the actual witch (the siren) and she is singing so so sadly to u . but the chains surrounding her act like kraken tentacles and try to pierce or at least topple anyone into the water who tries to come near her. if someone falls into the water or one of the chains draws blood the siren will start wailing and her hair tentacles will shoot out from the cage to try and grab them and pull them closer to safety, however unfortunately that usually spells instant doom for them because once she pulls you into her cage you are going to be just as fucked over by the barbed chains as she is😔so basically anyone trying to defeat her has to dodge both the chains And her attempts to save u but the more u dodge her attempts to save u the more distraught she gets which means her song hets more frantic which means the chains go wild. if u cut thru a chain it has the consistency of an octopus tentacle and will bleed strangely enough, but it will hurt the siren and count towards u fuckin Killing This Thing

also her familiars are little seagulls in sailor suits. they swoop at you to try to get you to fall over and drown 😳 in buggys magical girl transformation i think itd be cute if some seagulls fly around him tying the little ribbons together for him lol. foreshadowing! anyways he’d probably become a witch after realizing even when hes trying to help someone and use his wish for good it will always end up hurting someone else and himself even worse than he intended. which results in a witch that hurts everyone it tries to help and cannot control the harm it causes😦 anyways um madoka magica causes me so much emotional destruction

#buggy #ocs #txt #hi. ocs on main. sorry. IT SUNDER A READMORE THO SO HEEHEHEHE #ofc witch design can change bc i like throwing shit together but OUGH I LOVE THE LABYRINTHS SO MUCHHHHHHHHHH #i know a lotnof them arent really like game bossfights where theres smtng you have to do to beat them but #just for buggy. bc i like it . and he deserves it #it. is stark with its emotional connotations so i dont think i have to explain but #the cage just kinda symbolizes him being trapped by his tendency to hurt others 😔#like outside of this au how he cannot stop the cycle of hurt he has started no matter how much he tries 😦#ANYWAYS IN LIGHTER TERMS baby bugy very cute. colorful braces and stickers and silly bands and hand bandages painted rainbow colors #i already have farrow and skuggys weapons in mind and a brief idea of farrow’s witchsona but idk. idk #skuggys would just straight up be funeral of the dead butterflies i dont even care. Moth coffin be upon ue #rambles #ask to tag??

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archester-creations · 3 years

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@omegaverse-sfw-week day three part two of two: modern (this is still a long one, lads)

June 21st

He was going to die and it was the fault of some idiot he'd never talked to face to face . Some idiot he’d only even seen through glances and this singular picture. It's not the first time he's ever seen someone in a dress. Sky wore dresses. Velvet wore dresses sometimes. His ma wore dresses occasionally. Russel’s mamma wore dresses. Even Russel had worn a dress once or twice. But he'd never realized a dress could look this good on somebody. Even though it looked a bit wonky. There seemed to possibly be a seam out near his thigh. And one of the sleeves was a little rough. But.

Jaune looked handsome . And it was doing things to him. Like he’d done days ago, Cardin lifted a hand to his cheek. It felt feverish. Then he noticed his shoulder was actually red. Another full body blush. A dress had pulled a full body blush from him. He’d never reacted this way to something like that before. The worst thing (best thing?) was, he knew why. It was Jaune. He-

He really liked Jaune. Badly, it seemed. Definitely worse than he’d thought.

You might want some water with this |

[image sent] |

How do i look? |

| It’s good.

| You look handsome.

Thats it? |

Just handsome? |

Didnt make you blush all over or something? |

| Uh. Well.

Cardin did something impulsive. Which was not the first time. At least not where it concerned Jaune. There just seemed to be something about him that drew it out of him. He took a picture of his face and sent it before he could really get a look at it. But boy did he look once it sent.

Once again, Cardin found himself wishing he could just… delete messages as he waited for Jaune’s reply. The camera had gotten his face as well as the top half of his t-shirt and everything in between. And every single inch of skin that showed was bright red. Probably the deepest blush ever caught on camera. Stoplights could be made with his skin right now. It was like his hair colour slid down his hairline, covered his ears, and traveled into the collar of his shirt. The freckles on his shoulders stood out against the red as if to draw attention to it. As if the shade of pure red on his pale skin wasn’t eye catching enough.To make it even worse, he wasn’t quite looking at the camera. No, he’d been looking away slightly. With everything else it made him look shy . Which he kinda was, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that it’d been caught on camera. He’d caught it on camera. And sent it to Jaune. Jaune who still hadn’t replied and at this point Cardin not only didn’t know how long it’d been but also didn’t really want to know how long because he was kinda terrified. Being terrified didn’t stop his phone from pinging, though. Jaune’s name made the screen light back up. Because it’d at least been long enough for it to time out.

That |

That much |

Huh? |

Um thats |

Im glad you liked it |

Maybe ill |

Let saph use me as a model sometimes |

So i can send you pictures |

If itll let me see you embarrassed like that |

Did Cardin…

Did he embarrass Jaune back? An incredulous laugh feel from his mouth, because he definitely did. That was embarrassment.

| So you do get embarrassed.

CAN YOU BLAME ME?! |

I MADE A HOT GUY TURN INTO A FIRE ENGINE |

YOU LITERALLY FULL BODY BLUSHED |

I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE |

| It’s your fault!

| You asked!

| I hope you’re happy.

FUCK yeah i am |

Youre so fucking cute |

Ruby has a red cape and i wanna compare colours |

Just to see which is more red |

Youre fucking adorable |

| Absolutely not.

| No one else can see that.

You mean its alllll just for me?? |

Cardin dear you shouldnt have |

This is the nicest present ive ever recieved and its not even my birthday yet |

Thank you |

| Mn

| I’m going to go to work now.

Hahah alright |

<3 |

June 24th

So despite my rousing success |

Im switching to childcare |

Dont worry i have asked saph and she will let me model for her again |

Buuuuuut |

I dont think fashion is really cutting it and nora suggested doing childcare with her |

Since shes already majoring in it |

| The friend you said once shoved thirty marshmellows in her mouth?

| The one who’d get along with Russel and Sky and would probably cause a small nation to fall?

Yep! |

| That’s good.

| You’ve mentioned before she likes kids.

| I’m glad she’s getting to do this.

Me too!! |

We have our first class in two days!! |

I’m excited!! |

| I see that.

| I’m happy you’re excited too.

Aw thanks <3 |

I am too |

June 26th

Theyre starting us with med stuff!! |

Im actually learning hands on how to do cpr!! |

| You’re having fun?

I am!! |

Im glad they started with this |

They said it was important to know first |

Just encase an emergency happens |

| That seems smart

Yeah |

July 6th

They make this |

So much harder |

Than it REALLY has any right to be |

| Childcare?

Yes!! |

Im convinced half this stuff is unneccessary |

Like |

I dont know im not a professional |

Or a teacher |

But ive watched my nephew before |

And i swear its never been this complicated |

| Maybe because it’s more kids?

Probably |

And they wanna be sure we dont fuck it up |

Cause that could be |

Like |

Immensiley fucking bad |

But brothers fuck |

Its so much |

I dont know how noras keeping up with it all |

She is though |

| Proud of her?

Yeah |

Shes really enjoying it |

Its nice to see even if im not sure about sticking around |

August 15th

| Did you check out the entire cookbook section?

I switched majors |

To uh |

Cooking |

My oldest sister is helping me |

Though right now were baking |

Apparently cooking-cooking will come later? |

I dont know |

If i manage a good batch of cookies im gonna drop them in the bookdrop |

Only for you though |

No sharing |

| No sharing at all?

| My brother won't like that.

I guess you can share them with him |

| Oh? What made you change your mind?

Why did Cardin suddenly feel like he dug his own grave?

Have to get in good with your family |

If I want to get in your pants |

That's why. He rolled his eyes, willing away the sudden heat and double rhythm his heart decided to pick up. No, bad body.

| If they're good enough you might just get in his.

I guess i gotta make sure theyre not too good then |

Because youre the only one i want |

;) |

August 27th

| How is cooking going?

Haha not great |

I left actually |

Though i do think i got better at cooking |

Im in theater now |

| Do you like it better?

Yeah |

Its pretty good |

Cardin didn't really believe that, but he couldn't pinpoint a reason why. Not that Jaune didn't like it better. But he didn't… seem that excited? Though Cardin knew from Sky that sometimes college included a lot of major shuffling.

| Are you practicing for a play yet?

Not yet |

Right now its mostly technical stuff |

Voice work and body language |

My one sister is helping me with it |

She says im doing good but im not sure i believe her |

You're pretty enough to be on stage . Cardin quickly backspaced. Definitely not. They'd only been texting… He thumbed up to the top of their conversation, where he found the word ‘May’. He blinked. It was August. They'd been talking for… four months? That didn't feel right. Quickly he checked his calendar, only to confirm that he was right. Four months had passed since Jaune left the first note. It simultaneously felt like a lot and nothing at all.

Four months and Jaune had changed his major sixteen times. Not even Sky had done it that much. Even with the changing majors, Cardin still checked in medical books from him. But he never talked about going into the field, though he had to be passionate about it in at least some way. You don't check in that many books about something you don't like.

Finally, it clicked. Why this change sounded so odd. It was because it sounded like Jaune was hiding something. Not that he had to tell Cardin everything, but. There was something else Jaune wanted to say. And he wasn't. So, Cardin decided he'd try to… get him to talk about it. He knows it's what Velvet would do. That, and… Cardin found himself genuinely wanting to know. It actually bothered him that Jaune was hiding something from him when it really seemed to bother him.

| You switch majors a lot.

I dont |

| You’ve switched sixteen times in the five months we've been talking.

You counted? |

And im still |

Figuring it out |

| Jaune. You can… talk to me, you know. Whatever it is I won't judge. I'm not really in a place to, you know I skipped the whole college thing to work here.

| I can just. Listen. Whatever it is, whenever you want. You know when I wake up.

I |

Thank you |

Its just |

Hard |

I have all these people |

Just |

/pushing/ me and /pulling/ me in so many directions |

‘You should do theater, its fun and youll make great friends!’ |

‘Id love it if my baby brother could cook with me. we could get a job together!’ |

‘Psychology is cool. maybe you could consider that. im emo about it.’ |

That one had him snort. It wasn't the first time he'd talked about that friend. Normally he was nicer about her. He recognized this style of texting, though. Jaune was upset and it brought out a more sarcastic side of him, one that sometimes had an edge. And it looked like this was one of those ‘sometimes’. It also meant it was something Jaune really had to get out. From what Cardin had learned, Jaune tended to internalize a lot of his more negative feelings until they sort of… burst. Which was something he could relate with. Though, Jaune’s bursts seemed to be sharp words while his translated to time with a punching bag.

‘Kids are really cool!!! You should do childcare!!! And then we can open a daycare together!!! And we'd watch over hundreds of kids for hours and hours!!!’ |

‘You were always such a good dancer as a kid, you should go into that like denise’ |

‘Have you thought about black smithing its sO COOL LOOK AT THIS AWESOME FUCKING SWORD I MADE FOR NO OUM DAMN REASON’ |

‘GEE JAUNE I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD DO THIS INSTEAD OF WHATEVER IT IS YOUNWANNA DO BECAUSE WHO GIBES A FUCJ ABOUT THAY YOUR MEDICAL SHITNIS WEIRD ANYONE NOBODY FUCKING CARES THAG YOU WANT TO HEAL PEOPLE AND MAYBE BECOME A PAREMEDIC OR SOME SHIT FUCK THAY YOU TRY ONE OF THESE HUNDREDS KF LTHER MAJORS THAY YOU REALLY COULDNT GIBE A SHIT ABOUT AND MAKE YOU TIEED OR YOU HATE BECAUSE WE THINK THEYRE A THOUSAND TIMES COOLER AND WE KNOW YOURE A FUCKING PUSHOBER WHO WONT FUCKING JUST DUCKING SAY NO LIKE A FUCKING NORMAL OUM DAMN PERSON |

I JUST WANNA FUCKING |

DO MY OWN SHIT |

I HAVE PLANS |

I HAVE PASSIONS |

I AM NOT JUST SOME BARBIE DOLL CAREER COLLECTING BITCH |

IM A PERSON |

FUCK |

Cardin blinked. That. Was a lot.

Oum |

Fuck |

Im sorry |

I guess i had |

More pent up than i thought |

| It's okay. I told you you could rant.

What youre saying is i had consent |

Cardin rolled his eyes.

| Yes, Arc, you had consent.

| So you want to be a paramedic?

I |

Yeah |

I really think id like to be |

But i dont want to disappoint everybody else you know? |

My mom wanted me to do music because i like to play the guitar and my oldest sister wanted me to do culinary because thats what she did and my dad wanted me to do dance because all us kids did dance and only del stuck with it and blake wanted me to do psychology for reasons i don't even think i want to know and ruby wanted me to do blacksmithing so i could make shit with her and yang agreed and its all just so much but i dont want to disappoint any of them because if i did |

If i did |

| If you did?

What if they |

Hated me |

For it |

Or stopped being my friend because i just |

Didnt want to do their favourite thing |

| Not everybody can devote their life to the same thing. And if they leave you for that, they weren't really worth you.

That seems harsh |

| It's true.

| They shouldn't be so hung up on what makes them happy that they'd hate you for not getting the same joy. If you're friends with them, I think they'd agree.

… |

And if they are? |

| Then they're wrong.

You sound like marion and i think i hate it |

Ill… talk to marion about it |

| I believe in you.

Atleast one of us does |

For a while after that there were no texts. No notes in books. As far as Cardin knew, there weren’t even returns to the library. If there were, they happened after his morning shift ended at one. It… worried Cardin. He'd been getting along well with Jaune. Or at least, he thought he was. The other boy joked with him. Sent him stuff about his day. Even flirted with him sometimes. (Cardin never really knew how to respond to those past turning red and hiding his phone to give himself a moment to calm.) They talked all the time . Not even a day went by where they didn’t anymore. The radio silence was really getting to him.

There wasn't anything in their last texts that Cardin thought he did to make Jaune apparently avoid him. Unless he been that embarrassed about ranting.

Or….

Or something happened to Jaune.

If something did, nobody would know to text him. He wouldn't find out for months or ever , depending on how bad it was. Instead he'd always live in this nebulous space of hoping Jaune would text. A Shrodnyrs box that doesn't even have the option to be opened. Maybe it wasn't too late to text him. His parents or Marion might still have his phone and might be kind enough to at least let him know Jaune was… gone. Unless he was ignoring him and had blocked his number. Or both happened. He'd been ignoring him, had blocked his number, and something terrible happened to him sometime after. And he’d never know.

Cardin put his phone down so he'd stop fiddling with it and messed with his sleeve instead. He didn't try texting Jaune.

September 8th

His phone pinged and he scrambled for it the same way he had every other time despite expecting it to be Velvet or Jaune or someone. Except it wasn't. ‘Green hoodie’ was on his screen for a moment before it timed out and Cardin pressed the power button to get it to show again so he'd know he wasn't just seeing things. Seeing it show a second time was like a breath of fresh air. A weight he hadn't really felt lifted from his chest. Now he could actually breathe clearly. Jaune hadn’t been hurt nor had he been avoiding him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly before he unlocked his phone to respond.

Sorry ive been gone!!! |

I've wanted to text you so fucking badly but ive been so busy |

There was so much to do |

But im in med school now!! |

Im gonna do it!!! |

Im actually gonna be a paramedic!!! |

| I'm proud of you

:D !!!! |

Thank you!!! |

So so so fucking much!!! |

| Why?

I wouldnt have talked with marion without you and then i never wouldve done this |

I wouldve just continued jumping majors until i could force myself to be happy with what someone else wanted me to do |

| Oh.

| You're welcome, then.

| I'm glad you didn't do that. It's nicer seeing you happy like this over a major, instead of mopey.

I wasnt mopey!! |

>:( |

| You were.

>>>>>:( |

If im mopey youre a bitch |

| Woof.

Ajskdjsks |

Seriously thank you cardin |

I wouldnt be doing this if you hadnt noticed something was wrong |

And let me rant |

Heat rose to his cheeks and down under his collar. Despite being alone, Cardin looked around the room just to make sure. The relief he'd felt when Jaune's contact name was still palpable and he let himself relax. The heat settled on his cheeks and his ears and the back of his neck and he let it. Jaune was fine. He hadn't died, hadn't been hurt (probably), hadn't been purposely ignoring him. And he'd sincerely thanked him.

| You're welcome.

He popped his knuckles, staring at his phone. He really wanted to say something. Mention about being worried. Hating the radio silence. Back when he was young, Russel had told him it was better to get that stuff out. Especially when it was someone you cared about. And. He really cared about Jaune. Taking a deep breath, he typed another message.

| You were gone for a real long time.

| I didn't like not knowing what was going on.

| Or if you were okay.

| I'm glad you are.

| Okay.

| I’m really glad you’re okay.

You were worried about me? |

| I missed you.

I missed you too cardin |

It was quiet without you |

| You don't hear my voice.

No but i hear your text tone |

And ive heard you speak to yourself at the library before |

| I don't do that.

And it doesnt really have to do with the amount of sound |

Knowing youre there and talking to me willingly is its own form of noise |

I missed it when it was gone |

I missed /you/ when it was gone |

| You could've texted me.

There was so much to do i only had the time early mornings and even then i was either half asleep or fully asleep |

| I wouldn't mind your half asleep early morning texts

I wouldnt mind yours either |

| Now you're just repeating me.

Its true! |

You couldve texted me too |

| I was worried you'd blocked me. Or something… bad happened. I'd rather I didn't find out either way.

Im fine |

Not even scratched |

Just a little more tired than usual |

And id never block you |

I like you too much |

| It was quiet without you too.

What? |

| Without you. It was quiet. Moreso than it usually is, even with Velv and Russ and Sky.

Oh |

Now whos repeating? |

| Shut up Arc.

Im glad you missed me |

And im happy to be back |

| Yeah.

| I'm happy you're back, too.

And he really was. Especially if the way he felt the earlier blush tingling down to his fingertips and toes meant anything. It was a lighter feeling than he’d felt before. Happy and fond and content. It was a feeling he wanted to relish in. Like a giant blanket. Like the one Sky had made so he could curl up with Russel and Dove, all three under the same blanket. He smiled, feeling warm.

September 9th

‘ Will you go out with me? ’ The sentence he found on a bookmark in a juvenile nonfic book on astronomy made his throat turn dry. Heat invaded his face. He could feel it blossom along his ears and melt all down his chest like candle wax. If he was the candle, Jaune's messy scrawl was the flame. Less conspicuously than he'd liked, he looked through the opaque plastic to be sure Jaune had left. Only when he discovered he had did it feel like he breathed. At least the other boy hadn't seen his physical reaction. He opened the page drawer to get his water bottle and fumbled his way to Jaune’s contact, double checking no one was in the lobby or the backroom with him as he went.

| You have my phone number. You know where I work

I know |

But this seemed more romantic |

Since this is what led to me knowing you |

And Cardin had to actually pause to consider that. Because Jaune was right. Because Jaune had done more than just return a book with one of the bookmarker notes in it. He'd returned an astronomy book with one of the bookmarker notes in it. A book just like the ones that initially caught his eye a month ago.

You… havent responded |

| Yes

Yes? |

| Yes, Arc. I'll go on a date with you

WOO |

Saturday? We can do lunch and a movie |

My place |

If youre cool with that |

If not we can do something else |

Im down to do anything tbh |

As long as its with you |

| I can go to your place.

| Uh, depending on where it is?

| I can’t actually drive.

You cant drive?? |

| Never felt the need to.

| I live within walking or biking distance of everything and anything that’s not I only go to because Velv or Russ drag me there.

Fair |

My place is close to the library |

I can pick you up there? |

After your shift? |

| Yeah.

Is it weird to be,,, really giddy? For a date |

| I wouldn’t know.

| I’ve never actually been on a date before.

| Not one like this.

| Russel has dragged me into third wheeling before.

| And Velvet has set me up with a guy once.

| But I’ve never.

| Went out with a guy I really liked before.

| Definitely never to his house.

Ha-HA ive tricked you into going to a secondary location |

| Pffft

| Oh no.

| I guess I’ll have to sick Velvet on you then, if your plan has been to kidnap me all along.

Its too late |

Theyll never get you back |

| I haven’t followed you yet.

But you will? |

Like |

No jokes |

Youre actually going on a date with me |

Movie and pizza? |

My house? |

For the night? |

| Yes, Arc.

| No jokes, I swear.

| I really.

| Honestly.

| Want to go out with you.

| Oum knows why.

This is gonna be great |

I have both mummy movies |

I can fond over evie and rick and ardeth and you can fond over rick and ardeth |

And we can eat popcorn |

| Sounds like a good plan.

| I like cheese pizza.

Aye aye captain |

I can do that |

The date was… so good. It was the first time he’d been in Jaune’s presence like this. Honestly, it was a little overwhelming at first. If Jaune shone under the artificial light, he glowed under the sun. His eyes danced, blue swirling and swirling and swirling in a never ending sky. The constellations there seemed to be in full force as he smiled and somehow seemed to light up even more when he saw him. When he saw Cardin . Only family had ever seemed that happy to see him. Well, family and Sky and Dove (in his own way). But Jaune did. His smile was sunny and his eyes twinkled and Cardin knew he was gone before but it was like Jaune created a whole, different, second meaning to the word. One that ran deeper and held you tighter. And Cardin didn’t actually mind that. He squeezed Jaune’s hand and Jaune squeezed back.

They curled up on the small couch in Jaune’s apartment, pizza and popcorn in front of them as promised and the first Mummy movie already in the tv. Something about it felt calm. Homey in a way he hadn’t expected as he watched the clock all day with sweaty palms despite how busy the library had gotten. Their knees knocked together. Their shoulders touched. Their fingers intertwined. And before he knew it, it was late and they were almost done with the second movie. Tiredness pulled at him. One scene jumped to the next as his eyes closed.

His eyes opened briefly at the feeling of a nose against his cheek. It rubbed till it became a cheek, making him vaguely aware his glasses were gone. The feeling persisted for a few seconds and he recognized it, it was something his family had done to him before, but it escaped him. A word on the tip of his tongue. Fuzzy at the edge of consciousness. Then it was gone and the word filtered in as the new scent flowed clumsily through his mind, stronger than before. Scented . He’d been scented by Jaune. Cardin had never been scented before. Not by someone he liked romantically. Not by someone who had eyes like the sea after a storm and made his heart stop in his chest.

He turned his head and kissed him, slow and soft with sleep still crowding at the edge of his mind. Jaune kissed him back just as softly. It felt like hours and seconds went by. The feeling of slowly losing oxygen, of Jaune’s lips on his and Jaune’s scent on his skin wrapped around the sleep haze and pulled him closer like a rope. Cardin rubbed his own scent along Jaune’s cheek. Rubbed his wrist against Jaune’s wrist to get it there, too. His lips trailed to Jaune’s jaw, down his neck. And suddenly Cardin’s teeth dug into the scent gland at Jaune’s neck, too dazed by kisses and sleep and fire and ozone to register the sudden tang of blood on his tongue and the influx of alpha scent- of Jaune’s scent- in his senses. Too dazed to feel the responding bite.

#omegaversesfwweek2021 #omegaverse #rwby #cardin winchester #jaune arc #getting together #day three: modern au #modern au #library au #i guess?#college student jaune arc #flirting #texting #writings

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kevinwastaken · 3 years

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okay so idk if anyones done this yet, but this has been in my mind ever since i got into omori lmao

so uhHhHhhh heres my idea for an identity v omori crossover! just because i think it would be neat

this is going to be a super long post (probably), so if you want to read it, just hit read more or whatever

i also want to say that some character choices are gonna be taken from my friend, @/kami.rikki on instagram. but she didnt think as hard on these as i did so like idk

there Will be spoilers for omori, so just be warned of that lmao

so as i said before, this has been on my mind for a HOT minute. and i think it would be a cool collab

for starters, this crossover will be split up (as is every other crossover) in two parts, with one hunter two survivors. i know essence usually have one hunter three survivors, but theres not enough characters for that, and six can be split up evenly sooo

i was thinking that the skins could be like the ones from the persona 5 crossover. like, they can be “awakened” in a sense. the base costumes will be the dream world versions of everyone, while the awakened costumes will be the real world versions. i wasnt here for the persona 5 crossover, so idk how many of those spirit things you had to collect, but i Do know that omoris spirit things could be. uh

well actually i dont know. initially i was thinking lightbulbs, like the one in white space, but the lightbulb isnt too important in the game i dont think? and im not sure about clams either. i know theyre dream world currency, but??

oh actually, maybe you can collect Something to awaken the costumes. because something is a representation of the truth in sunnys mind, and by awakening the costumes, you get to see the characters as their real selves. yeah lets go with that, you collect something from the essence

i swear ive been thinking this out shut up

the hunter costumes wont be awakened though, and i have a reason for this

anyway

part one

the characters that will be present in part one are sunny, basil, and aubrey. i chose them first because. ofc, sunnys the protag, basils his best friend and helped cover up maris death hes important to the story but anyway, and aubrey is <<33 yuh

so heres whos going to be who:

sunny/omori as wu chang

so let me preface this by saying that im not a hunter main. never have been, never will be. and ive never played wu chang. but i swear thisll make sense, im doing research

wu chang is actually composed of two characters, with two different stats: xie, the white guard, and fan, the black guard. i cant tell the difference while im playing, considering the fact that my ass is either running away or decoding. but theres a difference i looked it up

sunny would be the white guard. xie is a fast chaser, but has slow attack speed. ie, slow hits, slow pallet breaking, that stuff. this reflects how sunny is in the real world. he can run, yes, but hes still physically weak due to being locked in his house for four years and spending all his time sleeping. he would be better for chasing than attacking

omori would be the black guard. fan is the opposite of xie, having slow chasing speed but faster attack speed. this reflects in omori. omori is Very apathetic, and really, i dont think he would care to chase anybody unless it was for a quest. though, i guess killing survivors Is a quest for hunters, but. anyway

in battle, omori is a good fighter. his attacks are strong, (although not as strong as say. aubrey or kel. but who am i to say, the playthrough i watched had omori constantly sad) out of him and sunny, omori would be the attacker. so theres my choice for them

the umbrella can probably be switched for a knife. maybe an elongated knife. im not entirely sure, but i know the umbrella wont stay as an umbrella

basil as kurt frank

so i know what youre thinking. why is basil “the explorer??” hear me out this is actually a really good idea

the true best choice would be emma, since shes the gardener, but idv doesnt like giving characters skins of the opposite gender if you know what i mean. anyway

basil isnt a fighter. hes an assist, yes, but that was only for a crime four years ago. not my point, he wouldnt want to be in the action

i think he’d be a really good decoder. especially a good kurt

i originally wanted him to be prisoner, out of no bias whatsoever (/j) but kurt is a good fit for him

basil hides. he hides from things. he hides from the truth just like sunny, and he hides from others. albeit he still goes outside

i will not lie, i have a very personal grudge against kurt players. i dont want them to have anything because every kurt main ive come across was toxic to me specifically. but anyway

so one of kurts abilities is that he can go smaller to run around undetected and/or hide. i find this perfect for basil, because. yknow. hiding

his other ability is to find password pages and use them to decode ciphers faster. i think this would be funny because basils existence in headspace leads sunny to remembering the truth about maris death. i mean, if he werent in headspace, omori and the gang would continue going on adventures like nothing is wrong, so basil sort of speeds up the acknowledging process

this sounds dumb actually. but it makes sense in my head

anyway, the book would be turned into basils photo album, and he wouldnt have a backpack like kurt does. theres my answer

and finally,

aubrey as margaretha zelle

aubrey was actually really hard to pick out. none of the female survivors really fit her, aside from maybe coord, but i dont know what her gun would turn into. i will admit that her section wont be as detailed as basil or sunnys. but anyway my choice is with margie

aubrey imo would be a good kiter. she has strong stats all around, so i feel as if she’d be a great fit for margie. not to mention her speed boost when falling from large heights, which would make her a faster runner and harder to chase if used right. aubrey would be more physically fit since shes a fighter and seems to do a lot of stuff with the hooligans, which also helps prove that she should be a kiter. ANYWAY

so margie has these music boxes that can mess with the hunter, right? some of aubreys attacks can mess with enemies iirc. soooo theyre kind of similar in a way, arent they?

im not exactly sure what the music box can be turned into. maybe a small piano? aubrey cares about mari a lot, and the reason shes so pissed at everyone and rebellious is because she felt like everyone had forgotten about mari and moved on with their lives. so the music box could be a tribute to mari

i dont know how many changes they made with ann tamakis costume in the persona crossover, other than cosmetics for the skin only, so im not sure if the music box was changed at all. i can dream though

in the case that its changed, the blue box could be the song from the playground in headspace (yknow the one) while the red box could be the final duet song. but just with the piano, not the violin

essence

because yes, i thought about the essence too

of course, aside from the skins, there will be other stuff in the essence too. so itll be as follows:

for portraits, theyre going to be the neutral battle portraits from headspace. aside from basil and mari, who do not have battle portraits. theirs will just be of their neutral expressions with the neutral emotion backround behind them. i would add pictures, but the character pictures add up to six, so i’d run out of room before reaching part two

for graffiti, im not really sure. maybe everyones overworld sprites in headspace? along with maybe one of Something

for accessories, i actually have an idea of what thesell be. theyre going to be character exclusive accessories, just like how tpn did theirs

for aubrey, she’ll have mr plantegg. i was thinking of maybe having her bat as an accessory, but

OH ACTUALLY her bat could be a shop accessory that changes the music boxes!! probably an a tier tbh

anyway, the essence accessory for her is mr plantegg, and its there strictly for cosmetic purposes. for basil, he’d get either a pair of garden shears, or a basil plant, since yknow. his names basil. this is also for cosmetic purposes

they all are. i should say that now, the accessories are all cosmetic except aubreys a tier shop bat

finally, for sunny, im not entirely sure what to give him. i could give him a knife, sure, but then he’d have two knives because of the umbrella. maybe a steak? or a pair of red hands? im torn on this

and that concludes part one

part two

**PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MARIS IMAGE HAS THE PHOTO FROM THE TRUTH ALBUM WHERE SHES HANGING FROM THE TREE. IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE IT, SKIP PAST IT. SHES THE FIRST CHARACTER IM PUTTING ON HERE

part two consists of mari, hero, and kel. do not separate them </3

here are my character choices:

mari as yidhra

so i know yidhra may seem like a weird choice. i originally thought of maybe mary, but this makes sense to me

yidhra herself will be mari. im not sure which version, but even though i have real world mari in the photo, maybe headspace mari would be better. nobody can see her anyway lmao

yidhras servants will be, again, mari, but she looks as she did when basil and sunny hung her on the tree. her hairs covering her face, with her right eye being visible. kind of like the girl from the ring, but anyway yeah

yidhra is the dream witch. she haunts your dreams and she haunts mine when i go against her. maris death haunts everyone, especially sunny and basil (whom know the truth of what happened,) so this just seems like a perfect fit

her death is “leeched” onto everyones minds (pun entirely intended), so attaching herself to survivors with only her death appearance visible is mmmm

instead of an axe, maybe her weapon can be the jump rope she was hung from? and it can be used as a whip? that makes the most sense to me idk

im not good at explaining things, but if you were to see dream witch in a match, youd know how good this would work

also brings a new meaning to “my thoughts will follow you into your dreams” HELLO

hero as norton campbell

so hero was kind of hard for me to pick too. i wanted him to be a support character, but looking around, there are. barely any that would work. my closest choice was victor, but?? the letters???? they dont correlate

hero doesnt give me kiter vibes, but nortons good at rescues too, as long as youre in an area with obstacles. and usually, when someone dies in battle, hero can make life jam to revive the fallen party member

nortons magnets are used to either bring the hunter closer to him, or push the hunter away. both can be used to stun with obstacles. while hero doesnt have any stun attacks that i can remember, he does have charming abilities that can be used to take damage for the other party members. so similar stuff? idk

i guess his magnets can be turned into chocolate chip cookies, since thats what he uses to heal everyone. if not cookies, then i dont know

oh actually one of nortons abilities is called “attract.” thats so funny if you put hero as him lmao

heros section is kind of short, my bad

kel as william ellis

come on. who else were you expecting me to use? its the basketball man as the football man

while kel is a fighter in battle, he can also be used as a backup healer. aubrey is the main fighter of the group, and hero is the main healer. so hes kind of a catch-all in a sense

kels an athlete. he plays basketball. williams an athlete. he plays football. need i say more

im not gonna lie, this is kind of a don tpn situation where it just Makes Sense that kel would be william

the football will probably be replaced with either a rubber ball or a basketball, depending on which skin youre using. the former is for headspace kel, the latter for real world kel

the buffs and debuffs for william makes sense on kel too. kel would probably have trouble with something as (probably) complex as the cipher machines, and the struggle and vaulting buffs show off his athleticisim

same with the football, using rush to rescue is such a kel thing to do

essence

for part two, there will be about the same things as part one

the portraits will be the neutral battle portraits, this time with the real world counterparts of everyone. basil and maris will be their neutral expressions on the neutral battle background. though, since mari doesnt have Real real world portraits, i guess they could use the one from the one i used on the mari yidhra picture

for graffiti, it can be the real world overworld sprites

in terms of accessories, theyre still cosmetic and character exclusive. maris can be the white egret orchid, since thats the flower that represents her. heros can be a spatula, as thats his weapon of choice in headspace. for kel, im not sure. hes using the ball as a weapon so???

maybe he can get a cactus, because thats his assigned plant

in terms of shop items, i think i know the perfect thing

mewo as a pet

mewo my beloved. nobody could ever forget you

mewo would be a hunter pet. she would be cool for survs too i guess, but considering both her owners are hunters.....

mewo would probably follow the hunter around, not really doing much. i think it would be Extremely funny though if every time a survivor was chaired, she just chilled next to them in the pose shes always in in white space

thats pretty much it. if you got this far, thank you!! i spent like two hours writing this whole thing out LMAO damn

#this is soooo long im so sorry #but im having a moment LMAO #identity v #idv #omori #omori game

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uwuowotf2waslife · 4 years

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The mercs with an s/o who is on the autism spectrum? If you want to

as a person with diagnosed autism( ASD that later changed to SCD but concidering my countrys lack of proper diagnosis and non-existant support when i was growing up, im not sure,it might was a result of chronic abuse or i was a really weird kid) its my duty to answer this ask,

always know that you are perfect with all your imperfections

just because maybe your brain is wired different it doest make you less of a person

you are poetry

Scout

-my boy has adhd ( probably undiagnosed until he was examined by Medic) so you two might have a little problem at the begining.

-he might be the closest to a jack russel in human form, but he cares about you and is willing to sit down and do his research so he can understand you and your struggles. He isn’t a hypocrite, he is a hyperenergetic bundle of daddy issues and is sure he will annoy you from time to time, he annoys pretty much everyone except his mom on rare occasion, he is a hanfull and he knows that years now. But he also has come to understand that everyone has struggles and little things that make them more special than others.

-if you have problems with communication , he’ll be your mouth .Problems with sensory overstimulation? he will escort you to the safest place and hug you tighter than he thought hes capable of. People mistreating or bullying/insult you? the bat is in his hands and his ready to hit home runs on their balls. You might not be the perfect couple, you will struggle like every couple and have fights and arguments, but he is ready to phase every difficulty that comes on your way. He loves you and he is here for the ride even if its bumpy.

Soldier

-( I and i think a big part of the community claim he is actually autistic) Probably the most tricky of the mercs, since at one side he might completely relate/understand you and the relationship go smoother than soft butter on bread, or he might have problems communicating the relationship problems with you.

-as all relationships you two must sit down and communicate your problems. Believe me he isn’t mentally retarded ( a horrible misconsumption ive seen being thrown around), yes he is stubborn and can’t read social cues to save his life, but he is a loyal beefcake with a golden heart hardened by a lifitime of war. He knows he isn’t the perfect man, he has nightmares and panic attacks on the regualr after so much trauma in his life. But he also knows that if he S/O needs him, it doesnt matter if its a small or big thing, he is ready to go through hell and back to make them happier or more comfortable

-you can’t stand loud noises? copy that privet, he will stop yelling/ screaming around you. Certain things make you uncomfortable/ anxious? hes at your side and he is ready to snap necks...you have his heart and his adoration, he ain’t a coward or a pansy, you’ll win over any challenge that comes your way like the absolute unit you are and he is there to assist

Pyro

-fresh from the start they can recognise you have autism, i lowkey think they might be ( actually in young adults asd and mild schizophrenia can be mixed and confused by not good qualified doctors, its been years since i read that study so correct me if im wrong) or have really good gut insticts. Either way, they know you are struggling and trie in subtle ways to help you

-did an important call without stuttering? hug and smooch on the crown of your head, completed all your work/homework? they will cover you in stickers and cuddle you in their pillowfort, stood up for yourself? my girl theyll make a huge cupcake tray and youll two will eat while watching sappy disney films

- you won’t struggle as much, i see them as more easy going than other members of the team. But they also have big issues that may create problems in the relationship that you both need to work on. They are more than a handfull and they aren’t unaware of it, they spended years locked inside their own head doing god-knows how vile and harming things to their mentality and body, they can’t believe they are alive and they wake up every day next to the most beautifull human being they have come across their lif, ( Y/n). You will bond slow but strong , you are their sunshine and theyll make sure their sunshine shines no matter what they have to do

Engie

( lowkey i think is canon he has some form of high-functioning autism, just hide its behind the southern warm and soft hospitality)

- when you confess, he hugs you ( a big thing coming from him since i dont consider him a touchy fella) and returns the confession that he is too. He knows each person experiences different so he won’t press you for explanations or description of what you have is excactly. He just assures whatever happens, he is there to help you with

- doesn’t really change how he views you, but he takes the initiative for things like talking to strangers, calling to order or things that you struggle with, but he doesnt baby you. You are an adult person and will be treated as that, even if sometimes he feels he needs to “help” or “protect” you

-one of the most easy going of the mercs, but his work is his priority so there will be long arguments about it. He understands your frustation, but he is a workaholic years now before you came in his life and can’t bring himself to change that. His work is his routine, the only comfort he knows and the only place that accepted him for who he is. But, he will be more elastic and have more breaks/ days off even if it means the project will be finished an hour or two later, unless it has an urgent deadline. He knows he can be very cold and emotionless, he is an engineer, not a spy for that reason. Furthermore he has his own times when he is stubborns or has an anger explosion because something broke/didnt meet his expectations or got way too invested into something that turned to be worthless/ uselless so he isn’t the one to judge if you are in a sour mood or you have your own “ explosion”. After all said and done, late at night when you are both alonein his workshop he will just cradle you in his arms and make a silence promise to always be there for you through thin and thick ( as we say to go through 40 waves and 40 more ) because you are something that no machine or creation can emulate or recreate, you are ( Y/N) and you are the love of his life.

Demo

-arguably one of the three more knowledgable of the mercs in the topic of mental health department. Being raised in an orphanage i doubt he didnt had at least a dozen other kids who had from high to moderate to severe autism ( during the 20th century it wasnt uncommon for people with autism to be thought less human or that the family of said people couldn’t provide for them in severe cases so theyd be dropped on orphanages and psychiatric hospitals)., so he has some first hand experiene with what autism is. It isn’t something for him in all honesty, after so much trauma and hardship in his life he is at peace that peopleare different and their brains are rarely wired the same

-he also know he isn’t ideal, he acts really stupid when he is drunk and his alcohol consumption alone is a very big problem for any relationship he ever had in his life and i doubt he is the image of psychological perfection, but he also knows that if you are willing to keep him around you have seen him wasted out of his mind, he is more than willing to put up with anyof your quirks or difficulties.

-you want to stim? go ahead he’ll leave the room/the house so you can stim to your hearts content, you want to stay? sure thing lass, hell sit in a corner and drink a bit while you have your thing. Work/ school/ home life is stress full and you are in the verge of a breakdown? he has already wrapped you like a burrito and he is holding you while you cry/vent, you dont want to be touched at that moment? hell take you to an open field and you can blow things up to get all those feelings out of you. He isn’t ideal, he is at peace with that, but now that you appeared in his life, you became the apple of his eye. He’ll cherish you and protect you both as body but as a mind and a soul for whatever shit life throws at you, he was never one to back down a challenge.

Heavy

-due to the language barrier and his nature as a quiet man it’ll take him some time. If you bring it up he’ll simply nod and run to Medic or Spy for translation. He isn’t shy to do a doctors worth of research so he knows what he has to deal with, he knows his english is broken and would prefer to have a migraine over the amount of books hes read than make you feel uncomfortable. Probably will ask advice from Medic ( the most qualified on the team) untill hes satisfied he knows enough.

-probably the sanest of the mercs, but he isn’t perfection. He had to endure famine and death from very early in his life, always be the stone his family anchored on and most people on his life, so he has his own big problems. At one side he is used to so many things, he is somewhat indiferent. You aren’t harming anyone nor its life threatening, so it doesnt really change what he feels about you. All people have flaws, noones perfect and if they do think they are perfect, they are very, very wrong. I won’t lie to you, some times hell get confuse with your behavior or will get tired of being the “ anchor” of the relationship, but he will never admit it. He survived the Gulags and years in Siberia, this is nothing but a walk in the park for him. He isn’t a fuckboy, he doesn’t want you just for some fuck and then hell forget you exist, he is much more sentimental than he appears to be. He beginned this with you because he sees you more than a body, he sees you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with even if itll be a challenge, he was never a quiter and he wont be now.

- don’t expect much communication help from him, unless its in russian. But whenever you feel the tiniest bit of self-doubt or anxiety his arms are open to embrace and warm you with his love. He might was raised among anarchy and war, but he is a gentle giant with a heart bigger than Russia herself. He knows you two will struggle especially on the communication domain but he is willing to do what it takes to make your life easier/ less challenging. He came here to stay, only if you allow him

Medic

-Arguably the most medically qualified of the mercs, but considering the era of his studies hes at least rusty on modern terminology and general understanding of what autism is. Nontheless his a doctor ( with or without a medical license) and i doubt he ever followed the rules of ethical and unethical medicine. He is a healer primeraly and he can’t claim to be the most mentaly stable of the team.

-he might be many things, he knows hes at least crazy by normal standards and has made extremely questionable choices in his life,but he cares for the people he is close to, lovers and collagues alike. He won’t try to ‘change’or ‘medicate’ you; unless you specifically ask him for, like yes he has defied any sort of ethical medicine and has played god many times in his life, but he knows that if he changes you, you won’t be ‘you’. You will be you still, but nothing more than a lobotomized version of yourself and he fears that. Let’s be real, he probably choosed you because you are a smart individual ( that includes both street and book smarts alike) so if he “killed” your smart he would essentially kill you and this doesnt sit well with him.

-feeling down? no worries, the doctor is here ( afterhe finis hes re-connecting snipers new kidneys). Stressed? Archimedes will be your own personal cheerleader and the rest of the flock won’t let you all stressed and alone while Medic is working. In the simplest of works,he wants you to know that he might be a madman on the field and the medbay, but he is also your lover and that means he cares about you. He doesnt care if act a lil strange or you have some special things about you, guess what? he doesnt cares. H e never cared and he will never cared, all the greatest minds had something special about them and you are no exception. He chosed to have a relationship with you and you accepted the love request of a surgery-happy maniac , im sure he is beyond equiped to handle you in all aspects. He might not be the most touchy but he will make his point across that you are someone who means wayy to much for him to change

Sniper

- ( i highly think he is autistic, just the way hes potrayed in most fanfics he acts lowkey autistic, mostly in the communication and sociable part) growing up in the middle of nowhere probably he has never even heard ‘autism’ as a word , so his very lost. (another headcanon of mine is that he is also iliterate) You need to explain to him what autism is and how it affects your life. He has a non-pleasant expression on his face, because he realises most things that you say what that “autism”is and the thing it has are things he actually has and felt throughout his life. He looks like hes having a religious expierience and when you are done he only nods and hugs you almost mechanically.

-he will need some time, not because ofyou, but because of him. You might think he is breaking up with, butin reality he just needs some time alone to sit down and think about all the things you said. Its one of the biggest revalations he has experienced on his life and it has hit him like a wall of bricks.

- after a few days he will return to the base and will ask you to meet with him on the most secluded of his snipers nest. While you prepare for the upcoming breakup, he actually showers and wears somet hing nice for the first time in a while. He goes out of his way to make the sniper nest a bit more “ comfortable” even bribe spy into giving him one of his fancy wines. Once you go up the nest and you two meet, he is the most clingy he has ever been and almost drinks the whole bottle out of pure anxiety. Once his tipsy enough he actually confesses that from the things you said, he found out hes also autistic. Que him basically clinging you like a broken koala baby while half-sobbing to expell all the tension he has inside him. Please pet his hair and rub his back,he will melt and quit his rugged manly man persona for that moment. He needs you there, he needs your soft touch to ground him while his whole life comes crushing down and a weight he never imagined is being lifted from his shoulders.After that, its quaranteed you two won’t be seperated ever again, he needs you to ease all this pain he has gathered from his troubled life and he will provide you the world and the stars.

Spy

- he knows what autism is( as a spy he should know about human psychology/mental disorders just to know how to impersonate any person with or without issues) and he is a very observant man. He has above average attention span and knows how to read body language so he has figured you are autistic a long time ago. He is just waiting for you to open up about it or confess it, but he also knows the social stigma around autism so he keeps his mouth shut because he really doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or ‘naked’ in front of him

- i heavily headcanon him to be at least depressed/having an ugly anxiety disorder or even a dissosiative disorder considering a big part of his life is carefully crafted theater , so he can’t say he is any more better than you.Furthermore he never really cared about what society thinks about mental ilnesses, whos here to judge who sane and not? he has seen so much shady things behind closed doors of “ pure” people he has lost all respect for what society thinks its normal and what is weird or not acceptable. Yes he follows the rules of “good” society but thats more of a habit than a need. Plus have you seen what the good ol’ society behind close doors? yap youll need a good bible study and some church to wash away the sins.

-eventually when you confess to him,he doesn’t really act. He knows its a heavyemotinal moment for you but he can’t open up for his own problems, at least now. But he will embrace you for now and say all the sweet words you need to hear...untill the same time he gets drunker than he can and confesses to you in french all his psychological troubles while he cries on your chest. He won’t let go unless he wants to vomit and he will cling to you for dear life while he experiences one of the ugliest meltdowns he has experienced in the last decade. Probably will wake up with a monster of a hangover, but once he feels you wrapped around him and feel your heartbeat on the bones of his back something will meltin him. He will gather whatever strenght he has, turn around, give you one of the most genuine smiles he has ever given in his entire life and peck your lips bore he starts whining and requiesting you to either kill him or fetch medic. Perhaps one day hell say all the things he wants to say in you mother tongoue but for now, just know he will cherish you and love you like the most exquisite poetry that has graced his life

#tf2 #tf2 imagines #tf2 facts #tf2 self insert #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 medic #tf2 heavy #tf2 sniper #tf2 engie #tf2 demo #so #all #long post #autism #relationships dynamic #mentall health

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jemmo · 3 years

Text

‘get to know me’ tag game

rules: answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better.

i was tagged by @ena-noya11 and yes this is old but ive been busy with uni and am not gonna miss a chance to rant about myself. but i wont tag anyone, just if you see this do it bc wtf not???

What do you perfer to be called name-wise?

jess, always jess. i cant remember the last time anyone called me jessica. although some people do call me moon which is cute

When is your birthday?

september 23rd

Where do you live?

im as british as they come

Three things you are doing right now:

let me see...im procrastinating from doing my dry lab work bc i cant go back into labs, im listening to my lovely new side m boys (rn its infinite possibilities by s.e.m, who lowkey may be my faves) and im knitting a jumper

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

1. atm defo hypmic. cant wait for the 3rd drb release to drop, in need hq black journey

2. also defo defo sk8 i really cant get enough of these skateboard gays, and ive ventured into ao3 and i dont regret it at all

3. again, idolmaster side m (can you tell i like the 2d idols) i just binged the anime after finishing a uni project and the music is absolute fire i would sell my soul for all of them

4. i hate to say it but the promised neverland, bc the first season was so good and now ive picked up the manga, and personally every single situation ive headcannoned is better than what this season is giving me

How has the pandemic been treating you?

idk really?? like day to day it doesn’t feel that bad, but i feel like it isn’t helping me at all. this is my 4th year of uni which was supposed to be very lab heavy which hasn’t happened, and being away has really dropped my confidence in being able to actually do science. and as a shy person it’s just giving me an excuse to be distant and keep to myself which isn’t good bc i know i need to make an effort to be social. but at least ive been able to spend lots of time with my family which is great bc 3 years of uni has really taught me how much i miss them when im away

but it gave me the perfect opportunity to get into anime which is great bc as a person that in the past hyperfixates and jumps between fandoms, something tells me this is gonna stick

A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

KAIGEN by badass temple. no joke it slaps. as of rn i want them to win the drb, just bc of how hard that song goes

How old are you?

22. fuck im 22, 23 this year. it feels like i only just turned 18, how am i supposed to be an adult now

School, univerisity, occupation, other?

uni, im in my 4th masters year doing biochem (and genetics), although all im studying this year is plants plants plants

Do you prefer heat or cold?

cold. defo cold. i dont mind the summer but ever since i got heatstroke a couple of years ago in a very very hot paris, ive been scarred

Name one fact others may not know about you.

i love love love watching costube, it is my gig. id love to be able to sew properly and make my own clothes

Are you shy?

definately. unless you are my family, i dont know how to act around you

Pronouns?

she/her

Biggest pet peeves?

people just not being concious of the fact that the world exists kinda?? like people that are just too preocupied with themselves. like its not that hard to just do a helpful job for someone. and you can be completely selfish about it, bc itll make you feel good to help someone else. just be nice.

What is your favorite “dere” type?

lol lowkey i love a bakadere, but only if theyre done well

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.

probably 8, maybe even a 9. i have the best family, and im doing well at uni. i can just hang out, watch anime, do some work, do some crochet or knitting. i have lots of stuff to so and that i want to do which always feels great. but im also right at that turning point where im about to leave uni and have to figure out what my life is gonna be like which is terrifying, and im also at that point where i feel like my entire life revolves around uni work which kinda sucks bc theres other stuff i want to do, like learn to sew, or learn a language, that i just dont have time for. but honestly, i wouldnt have it any other way

What’s your main blog?

youre on it

List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

none. i dont have time or the mental capacity to cope with side blogs. this is just the mess of content and stream of concious rants you get

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i SUCK at communicating. like i actively dislike communicating unless it is a 1 on 1 face to face conversation. so if i dont message you, it doesnt mean i hate you. i just suck at keeping in contact with people, and am working on it. so please just talk to me, bc ill never not want to talk

lol if you got to the end thanks and see ya

#tag game

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machine-gun-casie · 3 years

Text

The New Years Fic Writers and Readers Ask Game

i wasnt tagged but i really wanted to do this so here it is!

What was your biggest writing/reading achievement this year?

im glad that im still writing in the first place tbh. ive read more fanfic this year than i have in my entire life for obvious reasons. but im glad i finally wrote an angst piece for the first time in my life. also almond poppy see muffins is my literal child (as well as @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused ‘s, we co-parent)

What did you learn about yourself as a writer/reader this year?

i learned that my reader inserts are more of me inserts and that isnt necessarily a bad thing considering i mostly write for myself, i had just never thought of that. also slightly nsfw but i learned that reading smut makes me sleepy?? so i started reading smut before bed lol

Did you dive into something familiar or try something new this year?

familiar: yeah fluff is like a go to for me in whatever fandom. new: DEFINITELY i started writing for kells in 2020 (can you believe) and i also started writing for spencer reid :) many nice new things

Share a comment (if a writer) or story (if a reader) that lifted your spirits this year?

i love every comment people leave me (i also read all the tags) and i compile all the ones that i like to look back on with the tag #beautiful people on my blog, but ive also been told by a couple different people that they re-read my stuff which is insanely mind boggling so yeah

as for stories theres two mgk ones i go back to whenever im going thru a rough time: fit by my side by @angrylizardjacket and vegas run by @harringtonstudios

as for criminal minds, ive got my bookmarks on ao3 for my favs on there but my ultimate favorite writers are @reidscanehand and @write-orflight who are only on tumblr as far as i know so i felt like i need to include them :) anything these two writers post i will read no questions asked

What are you grateful for?

in general? being alive and healthy. but a lot of good things happened to me this year (as well as some really really shitty stuff but oh well). the best thing that happened to me this year no doubt was meeting @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused i love you with my whole heart jordan

im also grateful for kells, he helped me in a way no artist ever has. if u had asked me a year ago if i even liked rap i would have laughed in ur face i kid you not. he changed me along with so many things this year and i truly feel like im the best version of myself that has ever existed

im also eternally grateful for content creators, musicians and youtubers and designers, but specifically fandom content creators. if ur reading this and u r one, know that i am so grateful for you.

and my nephew. he cute as fuck.

Have your style (writer) or tastes (reader) changed this year?

im not entirely sure? i feel like with every piece i write i get better. in the sense that its a bit more realistic than when i first started writing. i know my fluff pieces are insanely fluffy and out of reach and very fan girly i truly understand, but it used to be so much worse. so overall i feel like my writing has gotten more realistic, which im proud of.

as a reader, i hoped i could see the appeal of angst this year but i dont think i ever will.

What’s the first thing you want to read or write this year?

i dont think i wanna have writing/reading goals this upcoming year. 2020 was the worst year of my life, but just cuz the clock struck midnight on the 31st doesnt mean that the shit show is over. so i hope that if i do continue writing this year, i do it when im ready.

Anything new you want to try in 2021?

writing wise (again if i even do keep writing this year), maybe work on some ocs. ive never done that before. itll probably still be incredibly self indulgent but something new. and possibly write a few more soulmate!au’s because those bring me such joy

Do you have any fic resolutions?

i hope i never feel pressured to write anything this year.

im tagging @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused @angrylizardjacket @harringtonstudios @storiesforallfandoms @uhuhuh and if u werent tagged and u want to do this i genuinely mean it when i say consider urself tagged by me and tag me in ur post!!

#Tumblr Games #j talks

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spaceysp · 3 years

Note

Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely)

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns*

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal)

n u m b e r f o u r

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other)

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF)

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

#tw caps

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revol-lover · 4 years

Text

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok.

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though.

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend.

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020 but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic.

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

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