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reidingandwriting · 3 years

Text

"Deja Vu"

Word Count: ~2300 words

Ship: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader (ex/platonic?), Peter Parker x Michelle Jones

Warnings: A curse word or two, slightly OOC moments but it is fan-fiction so :)

A/N: I'm in love with this song and had to write this. Popped this baby out in 3 hours, and I'm pretty happy with it. Side note: I created my own timeline for this lmao. Morgan exists, but they don't live in the cabin. Reader is mentioned to be fem once or twice, but reads neutral besides that! Reader is Tony's kid but it could be read as adopted/his bio kid.

“One strawberry ice cream, just for you.” Peter said as he set the cup down in front of MJ, a single spoon dipped in the light pink dessert. MJ immediately started to eat as Peter took a seat beside her, and you and Ned were seated across from the couple at a local ice cream shop you had discovered. The one where you had taken him, where you had convinced him to try the strawberry ice cream instead of the vanilla he always got. You scooped a spoonful of your rocky road ice cream a little too aggressively, unable to eat your favorite ice cream flavor anymore.

“Thanks, Parker, it’s really good.” MJ said and Peter nudged her shoulder.

“Mind if I steal a bite?’

“Of course I mind.” MJ deadpanned and Peter blanched before MJ smirked at him. “Go ahead, loser. Just one.” MJ gave him a look and Peter saluted.

“Scout’s honor.” Peter took MJ’s spoon before he took a bite, and you barely held back the scowl as you looked over at Ned. He gave you a sympathetic smile and tapped his foot against yours under the safety of the booth. You brushed your shoulder against Ned’s while Peter and MJ were too entranced by each other to notice.

“If you get any ice cream on my jacket, I’m burning yours.” MJ’s words were menacing, but you all knew she was (mostly) kidding. Peter scoffed and held his hand against his chest in mock offense, the sleeves of MJ’s jean jacket comedically too short on Peter’s arms. MJ was dressed in Peter’s Midtown hoodie, the same one you had worn just a few months ago.

You thought it would have been funny to switch jackets, knowing your jacket would look funny on him, while you wore Peter’s oversized hoodie. And now here was MJ, wearing the same sweatshirt, while Peter wore her jacket. Have any original ideas, Parker?

“Earth to Y/N.” MJ waved her hand in your face, and you snapped back to the present. “You okay? You zoned out there for a minute.”

“Yeah, sorry. Morgan decided she wanted a sleepover last night, so we just had to build a pillow fort in my room, and that felt fantastic on my back. Almost as great as her practically laying on top of me all night.” You chuckled. “And you know I couldn’t move her, she’s got me wrapped around her finger.”

“And she knows it.” Peter said and you smiled over at him.

“Speaking of Morgan. She’s been asking me all week about if you want to come over sometime this weekend. She’s in a big Lion King phase, and she wants ‘her Petey’ to come have a pajama party with her and have a sing-along. She’s Nala, of course.” Ned snorted and Peter’s face fell.

“I can’t this weekend. MJ and I are having a Glee watch party this weekend, can you believe she’s never seen Glee?” Peter asked and you felt a pang of jealousy in your stomach.

“Oh, really?” You asked. Much like you hadn’t seen it either, until six months ago. “It’s pretty iconic, but also the worst show ever. Singing along is pretty fun, just being annoying. Really fun.” You thought back to when you and Peter were in your room, doing the same thing.

“Don’t stop believing!” Peter stood on your bed, using the remote as a microphone to serenade you. Peter looked at you expectantly, and you rolled your eyes before singing the next line, just as enthusiastically as he did.

“Hold on to the feeling!” Peter cheered and you couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You’re so annoying, Parker.”

“As annoying as this show?”

“Almost.”

“Then I’m not quite done yet.”

“Raincheck next weekend, maybe?” Peter asked and you shrugged.

“I’ll have to check with Madame Secretary. She’ll likely be over The Lion King by next weekend, it’ll be ‘baby stuff.’” Your phone buzzed and you excused yourself before checking the text.

Iron Dad: Hey, kid. Are you busy?

You: A little. Why?

Iron Dad: Pep and I have an emergency meeting for work, and Happy’s sick so he can’t watch Maguna

You: I’m on my way. Give me five to say goodbye

Iron Dad: Thanks, Y/N/N. We owe you one

You: You owe me several. Love you

Iron Dad: Love you tons

“I’m sorry, guys, duty calls.” You smiled, albeit a little sadly, at your friends. “I’ll see you Monday at school?”

“We better. We have a project in chemistry due on Monday.” Ned said and you flipped him off.

“Science is my best class, you know I’ve had the project done and Dr. Banner approved since the project was announced in class.” You winked at Ned before waving at MJ and Peter. “See you later, lovebirds.” You internally cringed when ‘lovebirds’ came out more bitter than you intended. With goodbyes exchanged, you left the ice cream parlor, and you bit back the tears you felt beginning to build up. Did he feel it, too? Did he remember that you did that, too? Was he ever going to tell her all the ‘unique’ things Peter’s done were reused, that you had found them first? You wiped at your eyes before you hailed a taxi, and you shoved all your feelings down to be at your best for your little sister.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Morgan barreled down the hall when you stepped out of the elevator, and you barely bent down to catch her in time as she collided with you.

“Morgan, Morgan, Morgan!” You scooped your sister up into your arms and peppered her face with kisses until she was laughing, and your mood immediately lifted at the sound. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

“Mom’s at work, Dad’s in his room. He’s leaving us.” Morgan pouted and you copied her expression.

“Oh, no. You’re stuck with me tonight. Too bad I’m not tall enough to reach the juice pops in the freezer.” You gasped. “Oh, wait. I am!” Morgan thrusted her fist into the air with a cheer, and you set her down. “I need to go talk to Dad real quick, then we can do almost whatever you want.” You emphasized the almost, knowing she’d ask for something you definitely shouldn’t do, then argue that you said ‘anything.’ You definitely saw a career in law for her when she got older.

“Kay-kay. I’ll go get coloring books, then we get juice pops?”

“Deal.” You offered your pinky out, and she linked pinkies with yours before she ran off to her room. You shook your head fondly before you walked off to your dad’s room, and you knocked on his door before coming in. “Dad?”

“Hey, kiddo. Come on in, I’m just packing a few things for Pep.” You walked over to the bag your dad had packed, and you began to inspect everything. “Have I been approved?”

“I think I need a hug before giving approval.” You opened your arms and your dad happily pulled you into his chest, and he held you close, as if he could sense your feelings.

“Are you okay? Do I need to stay?” Tony rubbed your back and rocked you gently, and you buried your face deeper into his chest, your eyes watering and you gripped his shirt tighter, a habit you developed when Tony first took you in- you always grabbed onto him like he was your security blanket, and Tony quickly learned there was no use in getting you to let go until you were ready.

“No, I’m okay.” Your voice was muffled but you made no effort to move yet. “Mom needs you.” You paused. “You’ll be back soon, right?”

“Luckily we’re just headed to the New York headquarters. I hope we’re home by midnight, but I’ll tell you when we find out for sure.” You nodded and let go of your dad, and he brought his hand up to cup your cheek, and he wiped your tears away with his thumb and the action almost made you cry again. “Ben and Jerry’s and sad movies when I get back, or should I get a few punching bags set up in the gym?”

“Ben and Jerry’s.” Tony nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, and you patted his arm, telling him he could continue packing. “ Don’t forget Mom’s favorite lipstick. She always keeps one on her, but you can never be too safe.”

“Lifesaver.” Tony said before he went back to packing.

“I should go check on Morgan, let you finish getting packed.” You said and Tony smiled at you, a softness in his eyes reserved solely for you, Morgan, and Pepper.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best big sister?”

“I do my best.” You smile back before leaving. Fingers crossed she hadn’t made a mess already.

You laid in bed, scrolling through your camera roll with tears streaming down your cheeks. You pressed play on a video and let out a choked sob as you watched. You and Peter were seated at the piano in the living room, and your fingers moved gracefully across the keys, playing one of your favorite songs that Peter had begged you to play for him. The familiar sounds of Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’ filled your ears, and you sang along as you played. You turned to Peter, nodded at him, and he began to play the same song after you. You hugged him at the end of the song, grinning since he had finally learned it, and you began to play it again, Peter joining you in singing along. Not even that was reserved for you and him anymore, as you had learned recently.

“I didn’t know you played.” You said as MJ took a seat at the piano, Peter seated beside her.

“Oh, I just learned. Peter taught me the one song he knows how to play.” Your heart sank and now Ned was curious.

“What song?” Don’t say it, don’t say it.

“Uptown Girl.” MJ began to play, and you felt your lip begin to tremble. Your song. The one you had taught him. You looked away as Peter quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek after the first chorus, and he whispered something into her ear. You turned to Ned and dove deep into a conversation, refusing to cry in front of them.

You jumped when you heard a knock on your window, and you grabbed the baseball bat you kept by your bed. You would have called for Bucky or Sam, but the pair were off on their own mission. You got out of bed, wiping away your tears, and you walked to the window, bat at the ready. “FRIDAY, who’s getting knocked to next year with my bat?”

“It appears Peter Parker is the one outside your window.” Peter? Of course it was.

“Lights on dim, FRI.” You set the bat down and opened the window, and Peter popped into view. “Peter? What the hell? You almost gave me a heart attack, dude.”

“I’m sorry, I know, sorry. I didn’t plan on coming out here, but I needed to talk to you.” You gestured for Peter to come in, and you suddenly realized how you had to look to him. You were in a shirt you had stolen from Thor- what? His shirt got mixed up with yours, finders keepers. You were in an old pair of sweatpants that were covered in various stains- paint from Morgan, some grease from Tony’s lab, and a bleach mark from where you and Peter were goofing around in the lab and you spilled some mystery chemical on your pants. And let’s not even talk about your puffy eyes and the tear marks on your cheeks from a night of crying.

“About what?” You sat on your bed, eyes not meeting Peter’s.

“About earlier at the ice cream parlor. You seemed really… spaced out. Not yourself. And I caught you scowling once.”

“I didn’t scowl.” You tried to defend yourself but you sighed, knowing he was right.

“And ever since MJ and I started dating, you’ve just seemed different. You’re not, like, jealous, are you?” And you couldn’t help but laugh. Truly laugh, which caused Peter’s brows to furrow. “What’s so funny?”

“You think I’m jealous! Why should I be jealous?” Peter frowned at how you weren’t taking him seriously, and he was confused.

“You know, we had… a thing. Not that we dated, but I mean, we were really close you know.”

“Oh, I know.” Like a switch, your emotions flipped from sad to frustrated in seconds. “And I’m seeing all these ‘things’ we had all over again.” It was Peter’s turn to start getting irritated, and he crossed his arms.

“Oh, really? Like what?”

“Strawberry ice cream at the parlor, you can’t act like we didn’t do that. Trading jackets, we did that shit too. Teaching her piano when I taught you, how do you not get deja vu?” Peter opened his mouth to talk and you held your hand up. “You’ve got a different girl, but there’s nothing new. I discovered those places you take her, I showed you Glee, I taught you the jokes that you tell to her. When are you gonna tell her? She thinks it’s special, but it’s all reused. I know I get deja vu, don’t you?” You had started to cry again, and Peter started to defend himself until FRIDAY spoke.

“Y/N, your father and mother have returned home. You may want to continue this conversation later.” You looked at Peter who wordlessly nodded. He walked to the window, and he paused before he spoke.

“We’ll talk Monday after patrol. Bye, Y/N/N.” You whispered goodbye before he left and you shut the window before you dropped to your knees, letting out broken sobs.

“I get deja vu when she’s with you…”

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mamamittens · 3 years

Text

Long Awaited LoZ Thoughts

I’d like to start this off by explaining my background. I have a BA in English with a minor in Humanities. I have lived all my life in the Bible Belt of America, so my PoV of this series is inevitably going to be, at least in part, from the perspective of a Western-centric, Christianity-influenced woman. I have grown up with a deep interest in folk tales and mythology though, and took several classes on ancient cultures, so my base knowledge of religion all over the world is broader than what you’d probably expect. I am not religious myself, I’m actually agnostic. And this is just an in-universe look at the very strange religion of Hyrule. So, to make things easier, let’s just put aside the obvious meta issues with this world. The wonky timeline, complex lore changes between said timelines, and the fact that the whole series has clearly grown wildly over the course of its development without an overarching plot. The game mechanics being game mechanics. All of it. This whole thing will just be me trying to make sense of the world without the ‘it’s just a game, bro’ crutch. I will be drawing on what I know from the many games I’ve played myself, so if I don’t mention a big piece of lore from a specific game, it’s because I didn’t play it. Go ahead and rule out the early games before Ocarina of Time, as that’s the first game in the series I can remember playing. I was legitimately too young to have ever played anything prior to that, having been born in 1996. Now let’s get started, shall we?

So, obviously everyone knows that the LoZ world is said to begin with the three goddesses. Din, Nayru, and Farore came together to create the world and before they yote themselves out of the narrative as direct players, they created the Triforce. A powerful artifact capable of granting a wish and giving their respective bearers undefined power. This is directly from Ocarina of Time and we see their symbol, the Triforce, all over the many games with very few exceptions. Now, to be clear, having a polytheistic religion with three main gods is hardly new. Hinduism has three main gods after all (Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva), and depending on your flavor of Christianity, you have the holy trinity (God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit). There’s even the Celtic goddesses that come specifically in threes (collectively called The Morrigan; Eriu, Fodla, and Banba). This isn’t an exhaustive list of three divine beings, by the way, just know that three is a weird trend in western-centric stories, including religion. But what’s different about the three Hyrule Goddesses? Well, they’re weirdly small for big shot gods. Let me explain.

So, the three Hindu gods I mentioned earlier each handle a specific aspect. Creation, destruction, and preservation, not necessarily in that order though (which god does what isn’t the point, so just roll with me here). These are very broad and powerful subjects. Christianity is much the same, even though it’s a monotheistic religion. God is literally an all-powerful, omniscient, omnipotent deity. Jesus is his son who gave his life to basically forgive all sin. And I’m not totally clear on the Holy Spirit, but these three are clearly Big Deals with Big Ideas behind them. A good rule of thumb for old religion is that the older the deity, the wider the scope of their job or what they represent. Which makes sense. If you had to personify the forces of the universe, you’d probably start with the sun instead of like… whatever god is responsible for the creation of rice specifically. The bigger and scarier the natural force, the bigger deal that god usually is, putting aside politics and cultural trends. Egypt is a good example of this, as their roster of gods tended to change a lot depending on who was Pharaoh at the time and wherever the city center was. Horus is the god of the sun, or at least one of them, and is generally considered king of the gods. Which makes perfect sense for a land largely made up of a desert.

But what are the three goddesses’ rulers of? Power, Wisdom, and Courage. Each with clear elemental associations and people that are obviously affiliated with them. Nayru, Goddess of Wisdom, is clearly associated with water and likely has a close connection with the Zora. Din, Goddess of Power, is associated with fire and has clear connection with the Gerudo (unclear if the same goddess as the one present in the desert temple in Ocarina of Time). Farore, Goddess of Courage, is associated with all things green and of the earth, including the child-like race of Kokiri who perpetually inhabit the forest. Sure, these are broad topics, but not really… the first thing you’d think of for creators of the universe, are they? And it raises the question about the Hyrule people, who are said to be able to hear the gods due to their pointed ears… let’s put a pin in that and move on.

So, we know there are many gods in this universe, primarily because we meet them. For example, Zephos, God of Winds, in Wind Waker. But he’s clearly a fairly forgotten god, as he shares a shrine with Cylcos, God of Cyclones, which is about as bare as it can be. Just what appears to be a Tori gate with two stone monuments with the simple notes to summon them, almost completely out of the way. Which… I mean, I don’t know many gods with their extension number written on their monuments. That would kind of like going to church on Sunday and seeing “Hit me up if you need me, J-Boy 555-TAKE THE WHEEL” written on the podium. And remember, this is a world and game where the gods actively flooded the world and would therefore hold or have held enough power to directly interfere with Hyrule.

And Skyward Sword clearly has divine beings, one of which even flooded a whole area, though they’re subservient to Hylia. Who we will get back to later, I promise. The three dragons (again, that magic number), capable of divine power, though where that power comes from in unclear. The dragons are of a high status though, as evident by their servants and clear reference to high-class dress of their clothes. These dragons are revered, but clearly not worshipped, much like nobles in that regard. A curious note is the parallels to the three goddesses, and how the symbols are muddled and mixed for these dragons.

Lanayru clearly has the symbols associated with the Zora, and by extension Nayru, but is yellow. He also is saved by time travel used to grow a magic fruit, which Link often uses (time travel) in many games to advance the plot himself (and wouldn’t you know it, but mixing blue with yellow does produce green. Weird). Faron is the water dragon who flooded an area, and she is almost entirely blue (as well as unsettling to look at), surrounded by a species clearly related to the Zora though closer to octopi. But her name is Faron, which is weirdly close to Farore’s name, not Nayru. I mean, they are close to locations that resemble their names of course, but it’s still an interesting note. Finally, there’s Eldin, clearly bearing a symbol associated with the Gerudo without any strange mixes of symbols for the series. Oddly, he’s also the most open of the three dragons, especially considering the Gerudo’s traditional stance of being a ‘no-sausage’ club. Not terribly relevant, but I just thought it was interesting to point out. You can consider the Giants in Majora’s Mask on the same level as them, though their status is unclear (Since they’re summoned by a song and can stop the moon from falling, they probably straddle the line between mortal and divine).

Now, spirits also exist in this world, both as the ghostly variety and the more pseudo-divine. Not to be confused with actual divinity. Divine being can be spirits, but not all spirits are divine. In this context, spirits can be defined more as being of power capable of granting aid in return for something. Zephos can change the winds if called upon, but you don’t need to feed him, for example. But the spirits in Twilight Princess need aid before they can help you. And they’re also not very independent and are able to be fooled easily, which isn’t usually a god-like quality. While more physically present than the three goddesses, they’re also not strictly tangible, and seem to be extremely limited to their location. At best, these spirits could be classified as minor deities below the gods we see in Wind Waker. They also share the same abilities in keeping the realm of Twilight from falling over the land of Hyrule, as well as their weakness to parasites of undetermined origin. An interesting note is that they all seem to live in bodies of water. Let’s put a pin in that one too.

Someone that also counts as a spirit would be Fi and her counterpart, Ghirahim. Literally two halves of the same coin, these two are both very limited in power and function. They don’t represent anything on their own and are very dependent on others to achieve results. How or why they were made is unclear, but it is obvious that both were forged at some point, and clearly gained sentience. Even their personalities and allegiances are a bit odd. Fi for her sci-fi appearance and calculating personality in a fantasy land, and Ghirahim for his… well, everything. I don’t know why the root of all evil would make his weapon a full-tilt diva, let alone on purpose. Ghirahim always struck me as odd since his bombastic personality seemed to clash with his ultimate fate of just being a weapon for Demise.

Okay, so the Great Fairies are weird, okay?! Like, really weird. They act as spirits (I can’t think of any that aren’t restricted to a body of water in some form), but are very independent. They also don’t necessarily need anything from Link to offer assistance. Sometimes, just opening the fairy fountain is enough to gain items needed to progress. And there’s also the fact that fairies heal you upon ‘death’, though with a limited heart capacity. Sometimes they need you to do something though, like the Breath of the Wild fairies need rupees to function or items to upgrade equipment. They also usually look human, like Majora’s Mask Great Fairies are clearly just… giant women with color coded accessories. But like, they float. Where Great Faires come from, or even just regular fairies, is unclear. Until Wind Waker, Great Faires were adults. But when you finally meet the real Great Fairy in Wind Waker it’s… a child. With a doll that looks just like the ‘Great Fairies’ you’ve seen along the way. This sort of implies that Great Fairies age and die, though clearly with a different lifetime than most races in Hyrule (the child Great Fairy also only looks somewhat human compared to other Great Fairies, so make of that what you will). And it also implies that all the adult Great Fairies are dead (you’re welcome for that depressing thought), with the last one trapped in a hollow tree only accessible by the power of a God.

In Breath of the Wild, the Great Fairies are both diminished but more powerful. They literally are stuck in a giant flower with water in it, with few fairies around them, and require riches to get stronger. The connection to their new restrictions to this need for material wealth is unclear. It’s also interesting to note that their fountains are no longer places that appear to be man-made holy temples and they seem to be out of the way… well, for a given value of ‘out of the way’ (looking at you ninja village). These fairies can accomplish more tasks, but certainly won’t be doing it for free or with minimal effort. A far cry from their first appearances (no, I don’t consider using explosives a difficult task).

But Fairies are also companions with nebulous tasks, such as in Ocarina of Time, where Tatl follows Link until the end of the game. And Kokiri have their own fairy as a sign of whatever accounts for adulthood in their race. The Skull Kid in Majora’s Mask has two fairy friends who seemed to have been either lost or abandoned. Who or what gives them purpose and life is unclear, though the Great Deku Tree from Ocarina of Time can give commands, it doesn’t seem to be something he does normally? As a side note, it’s really not clear what, if anything he can actually do. Though the relative safety of the surrounding area is clearly tied with his wellbeing in all iterations, he doesn’t seem to directly influence it, or be capable of self-defense.

Now, onto the elephant in the room! Hylia! Who the hell is this?! A more recent entry to the series, her divine roll is unclear (though she clearly guards the Triforce in some capacity). It can be assumed that she’s somehow a goddess tied directly to the Hylian people, but when she appeared is up for debate. Timeline wise, it’s almost like knowledge of her was suppressed for some reason, giving rise to the Triforce mythos we all know and love without hide or hair of her seen. We know that she favored the original Link greatly, enough to shed her divinity to be reborn as a mortal and assist him. How or why is also unclear, though it wouldn’t be unfair to assume she loved him, as divine ladies holding an affair with a mortal isn’t uncommon in mythology (or even male gods doing the same, before anyone brings up Zeus). But she makes a resurgence in Breath of the Wild, with statues and everything, with the three goddesses left to only vague references in the background. Which is super weird, though not uncommon for places like Ancient Egypt. The fact that the ruling family was literally descendant from a goddess is what makes it weird though, since any monarchy worth their salt would milk that until the peasant folk revolted and made a new religion to justify killing a god.

Zelda in every incarnation is literally descendant from the original and still held at least a fraction of that divine power. So much so that a cornerstone of a powerful religious artifact inevitably ends up in her hands (or on the back of her right hand, as it were). But what is Hylia a Goddess of? We don’t know. It’s never said. Anywhere. And that’s super weird, even for a ubiquitous deity. Sure she’s a Goddess of Hyrule but… what does that mean? That can’t be all she is? Her reincarnation is literally locked in a generational struggle against the forces of darkness! What can she do as a Goddess? Well, she makes Link stronger in return for items, but that seems to be it. In Ocarina of Time, Zelda was capable of sending Link back to the past, but that was with a magic item. And we know Hylia isn’t the Goddess of Time, because Zelda references her in Majora’s Mask (sequel to Ocarina of Time, therefore implying that there are more gods unmentioned at that time), when Hylia should be mortal or at least fragmented (because Zelda exists at the time with powers and a Triforce piece). The Guardian of Time in Hyrule Warriors also fell in love with Link before splitting into Cia and Lana (and was unable to fuse back together again), so it’s unlikely that she’s the Goddess of Time Zelda was referring to, though that detail is interesting to note. No, I will not discuss if Hyrule Warriors is canon (either game), as this is already long enough as it is.

So, that brings us to Ganon, or in his original form, Demise. Which… what’s up with that? Who is this guy? He directly opposes the gods and just… gets away with it! Repeatedly! Sure, he loses most of the time, but still. It’s unclear where Demise came from, or even what he is, though judging by Ghirahim’s ‘Demon Lord’ title, it can be assumed that he is some type of demon himself. And that the many monsters we see are also considered demons, which makes sense with how they always work for Demise (or his many iterations) in some form or another. Considering how much it takes to simply seal him away, he can’t be just a demon though.

Demise obviously pulled the same trick Hylia did, which directly sets him up as a counterpart to her, but what does it mean? Why would he do that? What is Demise that he can’t be beat with the power of a Goddess alone and needs not only a brave knight but a blade literally made to counter him? Within the context of religion, the best guess I can make is that he’s some form of a God of Darkness, possibly also Temptation, Greed, and Pigs Corruption. It fits within the narrative since power is often the strongest form of temptation and we know that demons capable of opposing the gods exist. The Horned Statue literally takes Hylia’s blessings in exchange for wealth, and was turned into a statue for it. What it stands to gain from any of it is unclear, but interestingly enough, Hylia doesn’t mind that it closely resembles her own statues. So, this raises the question… why isn’t Demise a forgotten statue somewhere along a dusty road? How did he curse(?) both a reborn goddess and a human in an eternal struggle for the fate of Hyrule?

Being a god is about the only explanation for why he can do the things that he does. It explains why, in every incarnation, he ends up a rule (like Zelda). How he controls so many different species with ease. He corrupts the conflicted as easily as breathing. An interesting note is how Demise in his many forms usually ends up corrupting once good forces in some way, typically with parasites or evil spirits. And with this context, Hylia must be a Goddess of Light, and possibly some form of Will and Purity to oppose Demise’s power. It would also make her a good candidate for looking after the Triforce in that case. And yet we don’t know any of this for sure either, which is, again, very strange considering their presence from the very beginning. Literally.

Now, I want to mention the temples as a last point before wrapping this up, because it has bothered me since I was a wee little whipper snapper. For a place of worship, they sure are hard to navigate, even when they’re empty of monsters. And it’s not like Hyrule doesn’t get this, because the Temple of Time in Ocarina of Time is straight up a church. Just… without pews, so clearly not perfect, but it is possible for people to come in and… worship time, I guess. And no, not the Goddess of Time, because there’s no statue for that. I mean, I know it’s secretly hiding the Master Sword, but it is definitely a church otherwise. What a normal service looks like I can’t say for sure, but it’s definitely not like literally any other temples we see.

Now, I know it’s a little hard to remember, but temples are usually places where one goes to worship the gods (or even just a god). And we know gods exist in a very real way in Hyrule! They still manage to name Zelda the same thing despite having seemingly buried their divine origins, so some knowledge of gods walking the mortal realm exists. But the temples/dungeons we see usually don’t have much in the way of religious iconography, with a few exceptions (interestingly it’s typically the desert area that actually has statues and could feasibly have had a real capacity for worship). You want to be a devout follower of a god anywhere else? Well, fuck you. Hope you brought a sword and a good pair of boots. If you’re allowed inside at all, since it’s usually the local leaders that are only allowed inside for some reason. And most games don’t seem to have very religious people, despite all the references to divinity. Not like we’d expect them to, at least. And I personally can’t blame them. If I tried to join a religion but found only a wall as an entrance, I’d be pretty disheartened too. Then I’d be pretty pissed to find out I needed not only a royal instrument handed down the monarchy, but their freaking lullaby to even get in to the place of worship. But we know they pray to the gods at least semi-often, since that’s one of the inciting incidences in Wind Waker. And they have offering to statues of Hylia.

The temples suggest the bar to impress the gods is pretty high, and not in a ‘sacrifice your eldest child’ kind of way. To even get the chance to reach the inner chambers you better hope it’s been kept well and that you didn’t skip leg day recently. Something I didn’t really mention before is that usually, the less involved the gods are, the more independent the people are from worship. If you worry that your local deity will flood your fields, you’re probably leaving regular offerings at their nearby shrine or temple. But if you know that the gods don’t care about literally anything you do, why worship them at all? Why make statues, art, or temples? Why bother with any of it? The answer is you don’t. So these highly selective temples are pretty weird unless you go with the idea the gods are just really done with people and never want to talk to them unless absolutely necessary.

So, I’ve rambled for over twelve pages now. What’s the point? What does any of this mean? I’m honestly not sure, but I have a sinking feeling that there’s some serious shit going on in the Hyrule pantheon. Mortals have been mostly abandoned to their doom. Gods cast out and forgotten entirely. And somehow advanced civilizations keep forming and getting destroyed with only remnants left behind with zero explanation. Assuming the original gods are even alive at this point, which I’m not entirely certain of. Their death certainly explains how Demise/Ganon keeps getting stronger, looking less and less Hylian as time goes on, if he looks humanoid to begin with.

I wouldn’t even assume it’s entirely voluntary at this point either, as Ganon clearly doesn’t have the same motivations in every incarnation (see my previous post about Wind Waker). I’m rather excited about Breath of the Wild 2, as the implications of dehydrated husk Ganon is compelling. Particularly in light of the character development Link and Zelda have received in the first Breath of the Wild. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ganon/Demise turns out to be a fallen god trying to get back home (a nice parallel to Wind Waker, actually), cast out as a scape goat. Blamed for every form of corruption and greed that naturally follows in his wake. I think I said this before, but it is interesting that he is always reborn among the Gerudo, a race famously all females. Sometimes thieves, but nearly always in a position that would naturally crave power to take control of their lives compared to Hylians. Regardless of the consequences.

Is it true? I don’t know. Probably not, but the fact that I can draw these conclusions in three hours of writing is pretty neat. I have a lot of feelings about this franchise, having grown up with it, but I eagerly await what comes next. And I should probably go to bed. Make of all this what you will.

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grailfinders · 3 years

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Fate and Phantasms #107: Angra Mainyu

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making the original Shirouface, Angra Mainyu! This angy mango can turn into a dog, track mud all over the place, and also warp time and space to cheat at grail wars. 🎵 One of these things is not like the other! 🎵 I’d say he’s also really good at killing humans, but in D&D most humans aren’t that hard to kill. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

Check out the mango’s build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Yeah, I guess he is pretty great.

Race and Background

So... Angra’s kind of weird. He was human, but now he’s the sins of all mankind, so if you want the flavor build maybe a Tiefling? That being said we’re trying to turn him into a dog and we can’t wait three levels, so he’s going to be a Longtooth Shifter here. This gives him +2 Strength and +1 Dexterity, a bit of Darkvision so you don’t have to keep your tattoos lit, Keen Senses for perception proficiency, Fierce for intimidation, as well as the ability to Shift once per short rest as a bonus action. This bestial transformation lasts 1 minute, and during it you gain some temporary HP and can make a bite attack as a bonus action.

As for your background, Acolyte is a much nicer title than your real one, Ritual Sacrifice. (As long as you leave out your role in the order, Shelter of the Faithful should still work, right?) Either way, you get Religion proficiency, as well as Insight. You’re really good at sizing up your opponents, but that’s mostly because they’re always stronger than you are.

Ability Scores

We’re not doing anything fancy this time, just the standard array. You can roll if you wanna, but keep multiclassing in mind. First up, make your Intelligence as high as possible. It’s your casting modifier, and half the reason you’re so hard to kill is because you fight smart. Speaking of fighting smart, put your next scores into Constitution, then Dexterity for maximum survivability. After that I guess we can go with Strength for multiclassing and, y’know, hitting things. You might be weak, but you do have those abs going for you. After that is Wisdom to help with that insight. Finally, dump Charisma. Self-deprecation isn’t a good look king.

Class Levels

1. Barbarian 1: You don’t even wear a shirt, let alone armor, so Unarmored Defense is right up your alley. It gives you an AC based on your dexterity and constitution scores. You can also fly into a Rage for extra damage, advantage on strength rolls, and damage resistance, all at the low low cost of not casting or concentrating on spells.

One last thing for level one- you have Strength and Constitution saving throw proficiencies, as well as two barbarian skills. You’re great at hanging in there for as long as possible, so grab Athletics and Survival proficiencies.

2. Fighter 1: Now we bounce over to fighter real quick for Two-Weapon Fighting to help you wield Zarich and Tawrich properly. You also learn how to find a Second Wind as a bonus action for a bit of healing. You can’t really get a counter attack in if you’re dead after all.

3. Wizard 1: We’ll get a second level of wizard so it makes sense later in the build, but all you really need to know right now is you can cast and prepare Spells using your Intelligence, and when you take a short rest you can use your Arcane Recovery to regain a total level of spell slots equal to half your wizard level rounded up. This only works once per long rest though, don’t abuse it.

For your spells, grab the Light cantrip for your sick tats, True Strike for a spell almost as useless as you are, Infestation, Tasha’s Caustic Brew, and Charm Person for the beginnings of your grail mud, and False Life, Mage Armor, and Shield to stay on the defensive. Charm person isn’t quite Completely Rewriting Someone’s Personality; but I mean it’s a first level spell, what did you expect.

4. Fighter 2: Okay, enough multiclassing for now- back in fighter, you get an Action Surge for a surge of action. Once per short rest, you can add an extra action to your turn. Unlike the sorcerer’s quickened spell, you can use two leveled spells at once with this. Or hit people more. That’s probably a better option for you.

5. Fighter 3: At third level you become a Battle Master for some fancy skills. Your Student of War gives you proficiency with any one artisan’s tool. I’m not totally sure what the best way to make your tats would be, but it’s probably painter’s supplies. Anyway, you also get Combat Superiority, giving you three maneuvers that you can use with Superiority Dice. You start with four d8s, and you regain them on short rests.

D&D as a system doesn’t have much in the way of counterattacks, but Brace and Riposte are probably the closest you can get without dumping 14 levels into a barbarian subclass that doesn’t fit you otherwise. The former lets you make an attack when a creature enters melee range, and the latter lets you attack when you’re missed by a melee attack. In either case, you also add the superiority die to the damage. Your last maneuver is a Tactical Assessment, which lets you add the die to Investigation, History, or Insight checks. It’s kind of cheating when you know you’re worse than everyone else, but it’s still technically an assessment.

6. Barbarian 2: It’s been 6 levels and we’re still barely a dog- clearly we need to fix that too. Second level barbarians get a Reckless Attack, which gives you advantage on all weapon attacks for the turn at the cost of taking attacks at advantage too. To balance that out, your Danger Sense gives you advantage on dexterity saves.

7. Barbarian 3: At third level you can finally become the bad boy you were always meant to be thanks to your Form of the Beast. When you rage, you gain one of three natural weapons.

Your Fangs let you bite creatures, and once per turn you can regain your proficiency bonus in HP if you’re bloodied.

Your Claws let you make an extra attack once per turn.

Your Tail is long enough to get the reach property, and you can use your reaction to add to your AC by moving your tail between you and an attacker.

I don’t think dog tails are long enough to do that, but you’re more of a shadow werewolf monster anyway, so it’s not like you need to work with biology.

8. Barbarian 4: Eight levels in and you finally get your first Ability Score Improvement. Bump up your Strength for a more passible amount of attack power.

9. Barbarian 5: Our last bit of barbarism for a while nets you Fast Movement for extra move speed and an Extra Attack per attack action.

10. Fighter 4: One last bounce back to fighter for another ASI. grab some extra Constitution for more health and a tougher hide. This also makes your unarmored defense as tough as your mage armor, which should free up a spell slot or two for ya. Speaking of spells though...

11. Wizard 2: Yeah, we’re finally getting back to wizard. Your innate skill at messing with timelines will make you a Chronurgist. Unfortunately, D&D doesn’t do four day time loops. What you get instead is a Chronal Shift, spending your reaction to force a creature nearby to re-roll a d20. Unlike most roll messing-with abilities, this one takes effect after you find out if it worked or not. You can do this twice per long rest. A couple of seconds is way more convenient anyway- having to redo everything would be a pain in the ass. Your Temporal Awareness also lets you add your intelligence modifier to your initiative for better ambushes.

There aren’t other first level spells we really want, so let’s grab the low-magic Alarm and Snare. Being in a time loop is super useful for trapping people.

12. Wizard 3: Third level wizards get second level spells. Alter Self will let you become a dog boy without having to rage, and Darkness makes things dark. You’ve got this “edgy silhouette” thing going for you in the early ascensions, it’d be a shame to ruin it just because it’s day out.

13. Wizard 4: Now that you’re starting to get spells worth using, grab the War Caster feat. This gives you advantage on concentration saves, as well as the ability to cast spells with full hands. You can also use cantrips for your opportunity attacks.

14. Wizard 5: One last level of wizard for now gives you third level spells. Spirit Shroud gives you an aura of grail mud, slowing down creatures near you and letting you deal extra necrotic damage with each attack. This also shuts down healing! Bonus. You can also Summon Shadowspawn for more material doggos with one of three moods. Furious dogs get advantage on frightened creatures, despairing dogs slow creatures in mud, and frightful dogs can hide in darkness as a bonus action.

15. Barbarian 6: That’s enough magic for a while, lets get back to hitting things. Your Bestial Soul gives you magical claws, fangs, and tails while raging, and you also get a bunch of movement options that don’t really mesh with your character. I guess the jumping boost might be useful- most type-moon characters can jump a story into the air.

16. Barbarian 7: Your Feral Instinct gives you advantage on initiative rolls, and you can just ignore being frightened if you go beast mode immediately. Speaking of, your Instinctive Pounce lets you move as part of your rage bonus action, giving you an extra half-speed of movement.

17. Barbarian 8: Use your last ASI for even more Intelligence. You’d probably use strength more, but you’re supposed to be weak, so that checks out.

18. Barbarian 9: Your Brutal Criticals give you an extra die of damage on critical hits, but you use shortswords, so it’s not going to help much. Again, pretty on point for you.

19. Barbarian 10: Tenth level beasts have an Infectious Fury, letting you dab a little bit of that grail mud into your rage weapon attacks. When you hit a creature, they need to make a wisdom save (DC 8+your constitution modifier + your proficiency bonus) or they take one of two effects. Either they’re forced to attack another creature nearby, or they take extra psychic damage. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus.

20. Wizard 6: Your capstone level nets you one last chronurgy trick- Momentary Stasis locks a creature in a time loop if they fail a constitution save, either until they take damage or the end of your next turn. While in the loop, they’re incapacitated and can’t move. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your intelligence modifier.

You also get a last couple of spells, which will really ramp up your mud production. Tidal Wave does exactly what you’d think it does, and after your foes are drenched in mud, hit them with Bestow Curse, another spell kind enough to tell you exactly what it does on the tin.

Pros:

You’ve got plenty of ways to deal damage when it isn’t your turn, and multiple effects to make those attacks more effective. Combine Brace with your Infectious Fury to drop two creatures at the same time before either have a chance to deal damage. Sorry I don’t have a pithy way to bold this one.

Even if you get stuck in a longer fight, you’re tough to kill, with 200 HP, rages, a shield spell, and ways to heal yourself, you can stick around for a long time even before factoring in any loops. (Oh hey, biting is another thing that your counterattacks make super effective)

Thanks to your multitude of multiclassing, you have a lot of variety. Your melee combat is solid, of course, but you can also use magical combat or utility spells, with just a touch of healing thrown in for when it’s absolutely necessary.

Cons:

The downside to that last point above is that you have a lack of focus, which is especially bad given the small number of ASI you have to work with. This means none of your stats are particularly impressive, so expect people to see through your illusions regularly.

You have a lot of reasons to keep your reactions open, and unlike the bonus action problem this isn’t something that you can reason out yourself- you never know when a party member will need you to chronal shift away a critical hit. You also have shield and your counterattacks tied to the same reaction, so in busier fights you’ll have to plan carefully.

Most of your low level spells involve Poison or Acid damage, two of the most resisted and immune-to types. They’re just not that strong, sorry.

#fgo #Fate Grand Order #DND 5e #Angra Mainyu #Fate and Phantasms

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oveliagirlhaditright · 3 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/27787951

Summary: A Thanksgiving story I wrote involving Death Note... since apparently I'm determined to write about all the holidays this year. A nice, happy time that everyone deserved, to be honest. And, yes: it seems like L will always find someone to compete with. LOL. Set during the Yotsuba arc... Just pretend Light hadn't gotten his memories back yet, and L hadn't been killed here.

I know the timeline of this is messed up. In canon, Light has his memories back and L is even dead at this point… Just suspend your disbelief for this one fic. Thanks:)

And I suppose Light is off the chain, just for this one holiday… mainly because L (shockingly) wants to help cook, so that they’ll have all the dishes he wants (and since L is probably still forcing Light to stay in the same room as him and they have cameras everywhere).

Originally, this was going to be shippy. But it didn’t quite get that far. So, you all can see this as friendship or shippy. Whichever you prefer.

A Day Off

L’s PoV

"...I mean, I'm looking forward to a break as much as the next person, Ryuzaki. But do you really want to celebrate Thanksgiving—and America’s Thanksgiving, for some reason—when Kira's still at large?"

And here, L tried to not let his anger at Light’s questioning him show (but how Light's contradicting him twenty-four/seven didtick him off, and keep him up twenty-four/seven as he tried to decipher it).

"Light-kun", said L, as he very unselfishly helped Watari prepare a cranberry and orange sauce they were making for the rolls that had just come out of the oven. "As I'm sure you're aware, we have reached a temporary block in this investigation. In fact, as I recall it, you were the one who told me we had hit a wall... and that I just refused to see it, since I apparently want you to be Kira and will investigate no other leads: your words, not mine. So, to that end, I think we are allowed to cook a Thanksgiving meal while we work, even if it does distract us. I think a distraction is exactly what we need right now, to rejuvenate our minds again. Now, please: stand out of the way of the blueberry pie that’s in the oven."

It was quite a tragic thing to L, that such a scrumptious dessert was about to be burnt, simply because Light-kun refused to accept the nice thing he was doing in giving them all a holiday. Blueberry may not have been L’s favorite flavor of baked good, but in the detective's mind... any food covered in sugar that met an untimely end, was a crime.

Apparently, Light didn't need to be told twice. He stood aside without much more preamble, and L was able to rescue the glorious dish from the oven. He then lovingly put it on the counter.

It was when L forgot himself for a second—and was about to eat a piece of the pie already, not even thinking on how he would scald his tongue—that Light seemed to remember he was capable of movement and slapped L's hand away... Something L would find himself being thankful of later, even if he hated being in Light Yagami’s debt.

"Ryuzaki... I still feel there has to be some ulterior motive as to why you’re doing this. I would believe you were trying to give us all a holiday, if you were sending everyone home to be with their families. But you’re not. So, I can't cancel out the possibility that you're using Thanksgiving to... get off somehow. I feel the power that you have over people is something you use to get off on, I mean… Either that, or you're trying to prove I'm Kira with this. Somehow. But how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not, Ryuzaki?"

L was about to tell Light that if anyone got off on power, it was him. Since he had long ago deduced that the teen had a rather large praise fetish. But he was interrupted from doing this, when everyone came into the kitchen to finally get some food.

Soichiro was cutting the turkey and passing it out on plates… Mogi was heating up cider for everyone... And Aizawa was finishing up the rice he'd been cooking. Matsuda, of course, got the whipped cream out of the fridge, in case the one that Watari was whipping at the moment didn’t turn out.

"Thank you so much for all of this, Ryuzaki!" Matsuda called, as he got a piece of cherry pie and put some strawberries onto it—forgetting his whipped cream that fast, and the version of it that Watari was currently burning—"everything's amazing!"

And the rest of the task force shared that sentiment, before filing out of the room.

Then and only then—when L was feasting on some pumpkin spice flavored turkey—did he answer Light's question, as the youth simply pawed at a vegetable tray. "...I suppose you’re not wrong, Light-kun."

It took Light a moment to figure out what L meant by that—but he did eventually do so, and L was mildly impressed by it—and then he was nearly knocking his broccoli to the kitchen floor in surprise. "Ryuzaki... we're celebrating the American day for Thanksgiving, aren’t we? And whenever you speak English, you have an accent... And not an American one. You're British, aren't you? And what? Are you still somehow sore about the U.S. declaring their independence or whatever? And are trying to show them up by proving you can take their version of Thanksgiving and make it better?"

L said nothing to this, because the truth was that Light had hit the nail on the head and now that he heard his brilliant plan out loud, it did sound quite mad.

But L's silence must have been answer enough, because Light angrily threw a dish towel down—why, L could only guess at--and turned towards him to shout, "Ryuzaki, that's insan-"

"Are you really that startled I'd try to one-up someone, Light?" L interrupted his "friend", feeling embarrassed despite himself as he surely blushed. At least he had shaved his eyebrows, and Light wouldn't be able to see any emotion on his face in that way... "Though I couldn't care less about the their declaring their independence part. Good for the old US of A. I just care about being better than someone. And besides, doing this allows me to have good food and celebrate Thanksgiving twice, seeing as how I of course celebrate the Harvest Festival."

And speaking of the good food… perhaps Watari hadn't burnt the whipped cream as much as they had feared! L’s father figure was motioning for him to try some of his batch right now. And as L was never one to turn down dessert, he took a spoonful of it and instantly tasted bless. He gave Watari a big thumbs up, while Light continued to be baffled beside him.

"You're unbelievable," Light accused, with a shake of his head and his hands crossed over his chest. He seemed to have forgotten about his lovely tomatoes, broccoli, and celery entirely.

L just shrugged at the comment. "Think on the bright side, Light-kun. I've chosen to compete with someone else today, so you have the day off."

Naturally, Light looked furious for L's words—and the detective imagined that he might punch him again for them—but he quickly got it together and said while pinching the bridge of his nose, "Happy Thanksgiving, Ryuzaki.”

And now Light, miracle of miracles, was going for the blueberry pie. It seemed that just for this one day, he was okay with foregoing his perfect looks.

L almost smiled at that. Almost.

Instead, he settled for worrying his lip between his teeth and replying, "And happy Thanksgiving to you too, Light-kun."

#death note #fanfiction #thanksgiving #light & l #lawlight #all the fluff and happiness #oneshot #my writing #Shanna writes #mine #my work

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amberenigma · 4 years

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stream of consciousness thoughts on ( ovan’s ) will. and about graphics. this is your spoiler warning for volume 4: reconnection.

i spent too long last night playing gu for a hot second and now i have some Thoughts:tm: about plots, ovan, and the notion of will. enjoy some 2015 levels of rambling about objectively minuscule details.

anyway literal toilet thought but the archives have a very interesting way of creating meaningful iconography using particular design elements of characters ( mainly the infinity eight ) and minimizing it to something both unique and recognizable. namely, the epitaph pattern icons used for each player in the archives---they’ve always been really neat, unique, and it’s been something that the cc2 team has always used in their archives since _02.

ovan’s has changed between trilogy/original gu and volume 4, which i always thought was pretty neat, especially in terms of what’s actually presented.

( but anyone with the book be like: okay but haseo has a different one too in volume 4!! and i say shshshshshshshh this came about purely because of unison skeith’s icon which uses haseo’s epitaph version since he’s.......you know.......skeith’s host. epitaph talk will come up later )

anyway excuse my 5 minute “slap a banner of images” but the difference here is obvious and i just have an appreciation for what it means with aida---mostly that aida was acknowledged and treated as a completely different entity, an anomaly that didn’t belong on ovan at all and depicted as such during the trilogy. but after kusabira fuses back with him as true neighbor ( which i always thought was a very interesting name to give tri-edge ), we get a spiffy new icon for big blue and wah-lah, aida is now cyan! YAAAA!!! whether or not ovan actually accepts her as part of him ( in which he at least seems reluctant in-game, not so much my main verse after 6 years of writing him lmao ) is rather up for debate, but here we can at least verify that she’s not there to be malicious per se ( but that doesn’t quite exclude her as a menace, see haseo’s “it’s kusabira, isn’t it. it’s that aida whispering in your ear.” ), and not to the extent of trying to completely fuck up his day. i found that slight change pretty interesting. this is where i get into the meat of what i wanted to talk about.

the notion of will in .hack---gu in particular.

but first i do wanna say that there’s this blaring fucking pothole when it comes to corbenik and the rebirth that i don’t know will ever be explained. like. if it’s a failsafe that was a one and done thing, then corbenik should have been......destroyed or severely damaged or something.....right...or at least that’s what kind of makes sense to me unless the product of the RA plan really makes epitaphs less prone to the crumbly wumblies like they were in imoq after being salvaged. although that doesn’t seem to be the case given unison skeith is a solid half corbenik/half skeith. it’s bothered me for years and canon doesn’t really lean one way or the other, it just is ( again, i’ve written something out for my corbi blog years ago and tl;dr ovan and azure kite go fish him out of the sea of data, put him together, but he lacks the ability to rebirth again--i need to tag that thread actually ). but maybe he’s never meant to truly disappear as his moniker implies. always coming back ( additionally fitting for ovan, but i digress ).

will is an interesting concept in gu. and at least with ovan specifically, it’s a strangely powerful trait in him, which may be why part of why he has this sort of enigmatic sort of vibe to him to anyone---this notion of, “i don’t know what this guy wants, but whatever it is, he’ll get it one way or another.” and i think it may really be stronger than at first glance, pivotal almost. we see it twice in dire moments, even though he’s so, so tired.

the first ( and not chronologically, there’s obvious some other off-screen moments we can speculate, these are just two instances that come to mind clearly ) is with the fight with cubia in redemption, where 7 of the 8 are trying to break through ballsack cubia’s final AT field ( forgive me it looks like an AT field what can we expect from sadamoto okay ). yata says they can’t do it without “the epitaph of rebirth”, which always struck me as odd for quite awhile. what did he mean by epitaph of rebirth? didn’t haseo have all of the epitaph data in his pc? he data drained corbenik twice now, they should be okay, no?

but, yata wasn’t referring to corbenik specifically in this case. he was referring to ovan, and in that extension, corbenik as his epitaph. the remnant data skeith absorbed was essentially not enough in this case despite corbenik containing a metric fuckton of data between himself and aida. what skeith can’t devour is human will. ovan’s will.

in the archives, ovan’s specifically noted to have an extremely high mental resilience---it’s the primary trait that attracted corbenik in the first place when searching for a host. this could mean quite a few things, honestly, and taking into account what little of his past we actually know, it makes sense that his sense of direction is incredibly poignant, his will to be essentially unmatched ( although parallel to haseo’s in my opinion, just simply a different flavor ). the man’s just an absolute unit. it’s also noted that ovan didn’t really take into account the repercussions of activating the rebirth and purging the net, thus spawning our good friend cubia, so he truly was just ready to go sleep forever. paraphrasing aura here, the rest of the infinity eight’s praying for ovan to hear their collective voices ( admittedly it just boils down to ovan hearing haseo’s voice, gestures at lost files in the trilogy archives which is a hilarious conversation by the way; “leave me be, i’m tired. i just want to sleep.” ) is what gets him to muster up any remaining strength he has left to come help.

it’s an interesting sequence of scenes with haseo’s cracked data just magically healing up once ovan enters the picture---his presence alone drives haseo. it’s his image and his voice that’s alongside haseo’s ( which is an interesting choice because it could have been all eight of them in this case ). his will is what catalyzes everything to it’s end, including himself.

the second is the avatar fight with moralta, where haseo realizes that he can’t do it alone again---and ovan is still surprisingly able to put himself through that kind of strain despite being in the deep freeze for a year ( avatar and all! again! goddamn! ), combining into unison skeith and yeeting the shit out of giant slug baby once and for all. this particular encounter takes a different note compared to cubia considering we hear both of them synced up ( literally all of their dialogue is the same )---and beyond the fact this whole epilogue is about haseo and ovan, it really ends up being the sheer fact that it’s both of them together that overcome and stop moralta from fucking up [the world]. sheer will’s a strong motive for pretty much all of vol 4 though, so this is kinda expected. it’s haseo’s lament at the end that poses an interesting discussion---he couldn’t do it by himself again ( in this case he is referring to everyone as a whole as well before finding ovan, too ). for all of the power that he holds via skeith, kusabira, etc, he still needed ovan there to push to victory. i’ve always felt that was an interesting distinction the staff has made throughout the gu timeline ( in any retelling of it, actually ). even ovan has to let him know that it’s the fact he had a warband of support that got him that far in the first place despite the trauma ovan had pushed him through.

the series has been consistent about ovan’s ability to push things the extra mile, even for things that he may not personally want, even if there’s few people he’d undoubtedly be alongside. his involvement makes all of the difference, and that’s powerful in it’s own way ( he is the antihero after all ). we see the power ovan has by guiding the events of gu throughout all three volumes, but we really see just how strong he is when he’s actually on-screen the few times he’s there for more than 10 seconds. it’s kind of fucking insane such a laidback personality has that much influence on the outcome of incredibly dangerous/dire/important situations.

when he knows exactly what he wants, he knows exactly what makes people tick, and what makes the world around him change. ovan’s will is a terrifying weapon and it’s one of my favorite details about him.

and last thing that just came to mind from playing around last night..

in one of the demo trailers, haseo’s monologue expresses the emotions he’s experienced throughout playing to that point---specific people embody specific emotions, and in ovan’s case, he’s associated with despair. despair drives ovan--haseo’s correct about that honestly even if the context of what he knows boils down to the fact ovan’s burdened with aida and saving his sister ( things we see in the archives explicitly point out that the indou parents are straight up dead ). this man has lost so much, is losing too much, and is on the brink of losing even more during the events of gu and it shows. despair is a powerful force, a reaction to the things one has experienced and an outlet for all of the things it can cause. a man with nothing left to lose is the most dangerous and the most powerful of them all even in silence---and somehow, somehow ovan has managed to keep his edge despite being on the brink of death himself in the real world. that’s fucking scary.

#( ╳┊ headcanon. )#i guess?? i don't have a tag for whole ass rambles but this is a huge part of his character.#god i just [clenches fist] love ovan so much he's so [clenches other fist] shrimptresting......even after 10+ years.....

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micahrodney · 3 years

Text

Thread; Chapter 5 - Fantasyland

This was a commission for MatthewCaveatZealot. There was a terribly familiar thump as Neil's head hit the ceiling above his bed. The same precariously rigged alarm clock on his loft bed was blaring, and the disorientation that came with it. Neil wanted to believe that what he had experienced was a dream, but he knew better by now. He was awake, for certain, but he had not truly been asleep.

The question now was how he made it back to his dorm room, though he feared the answer was obvious. Another day or so of him running on “autopilot”. Let alone what that must have been like for his family.

His family. God, he missed them so much right now. In the past week, his universe had expanded a thousand-fold, entirely against his will. All Neil wanted was the safe surroundings of his old family home. He wanted Travis's insufferable theatre music blasting at all hours of the night. He missed Dawn spending every hour of the night playing on the NES they had. Just as comforting were the random pop-ins from Kim, and the sight of his father hard at work, with papers sprawled all over the coffee table.

He wanted his mother. Just his mother being there. Her presence.

The hole in his heart was warmed by a bit of metal. It was then that Neil noticed that he was wearing an amulet of sorts. It was on a chain of silver and ended in a pendant made of some otherworldly metal. It shone as brightly as freshly pressed steel but had faint transparency to it. Etched into it with crystalline blue lines were several stars, connected by points: the Crossroads, of course. Roughly, they formed a constellation similar in appearance to the Southern Cross.

“Can you hear me?” Rem asked, directly into his mind.

As the Somni spoke, the blue lines glowed faintly.

“Yeah,” Neil replied, dazedly. “Are you going to explain this?”

“We simply moved this one to a more convenient position along this thread. But fear not, you are in your original world, as Nox promised,” Rem explained. “To this one's family, the transition was natural. That is to say, this one did not do anything untoward or unexpected in its absence.”

“If we're going to be communicating regularly,” Neil said, exasperated. “You could try being a little easier to understand.”

“What does this one mean?” Rem asked, as patiently as Neil had ever heard him.

“For starters, you could stop calling me 'this one.' You know, use 'you' and 'your',” Neil replied.

Rem waited for a moment to respond as if he were trying to wrap his head around the new mode of communication. “Very well. Neil. I will attempt to speak more plainly to... you.”

“I appreciate the effort,” Neil praised faintly.

“It is difficult for me,” Rem added. “Somni are not accustomed to dealing with other races. Your presence is honestly slightly confusing to me. It upsets our natural order.”

“Well, I can't exactly stop existing to make things convenient for you,” Neil retorted, thinking back to their first exchange where he had nearly been reduced to atoms by his soon-to-be mentor.

“Indeed not,” Rem agreed. “Now are we going to spend the rest of the day discussing our feelings on the matter, or shall we get down to business?”

Rem was consistent, Neil had to give him that.

“Alright, boss,” Neil said, leaning his head back against his pillow. “What's the game plan?”

“The Crossroad we are concerned with is a crucial event that will take place this evening at your friend Damian's house. Something will happen, we know not what, but you must be there to witness it occur,” Rem explained.

“Wait, that's it?” Neil asked. “You don't have any more information than that?”

“We observe only the surface level information about these changes. I may as well ask you about the inner workings of an ant colony. It is up to you to be at the right place at the right time. The event should be significant enough that you will not mistake it if that is any consolation,” Rem said, without any sign of sympathy.

“Cool,” Neil sighed. “And then what am I supposed to do?”

“Binders can read the movement of the Crossroads and correct their course. When you finally do enter the critical moment your perception of events will be rather metaphysical,” Rem began. Here, for the first time ever, his tone softened somewhat, though it retained every ounce of its original rigidity. “The experience can be quite frightening. Just know that I will be watching over you and you will not be in any personal danger. However, if you fail-”

“I get it,” Neil cut him off firmly. He didn't need to be told. Thousands of timelines erased in an instant. Trillions of lives cut short.

“Good,” Rem uttered. “Now what is your plan?”

“I just have to get to Damian's house, and I know the perfect way to get there.”

---

Angie stirred her coffee idly as she listened to Neil's proposal. The tiny booth at The Junction was not an ideal location for the chat, but it was her lunch break and the poor boy seemed so desperate. It was quiet enough for two in the afternoon, with a drizzle keeping most people off the streets.

“So you finally want to join my game?” Angie summarized.

“Yeah, I mean,” Neil rubbed the back of his neck. His own coffee was barely touched, but the aroma was satisfying and kept him alert. “Damian always talks about how great it is.”

“Normally I wouldn't let you just pop in last second. I mean our session starts in like four hours,” Angie began. “But honestly Jack and Violet can't make it tonight so it will probably be a good one for you to test out the waters a bit.”

Neil knew about Jack and Violet but was not familiar with them personally. Honestly the fewer unfamiliar faces the better for his purposes.

“Is this just about the game?” Angie asked, leaning into Neil slightly across the table. There was a peculiar expression on her face which Neil couldn't read.

“What do you mean?” Neil asked, somewhat defensively. He had made the decision to wear a blue sweater today and he felt like he was drowning in it under her gaze.

“I mean... a little birdie told me about Erica,” Angie replied, tilting her head slightly. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

In all that had happened over the past week, Neil had completely forgotten about Erica. The girl he loved for years, and who broke his heart completely out of nowhere. He guessed he should still be feeling sad about that, and yet when the fate of the multiverse was at stake, a young romance seemed pretty insignificant.

“Oh, well yeah,” Neil shrugged. “I mean, I'm okay and all. It was just so sudden.”

“Take it from me, breakups suck, but they also just kind of... happen, you know?” Angie said, leaning back in her seat. “It'll hit you every once in a while. You'll get reminded of them and what you had, and then, boom, you're crying into your pillow again for no good reason. But it gets easier, bud.”

Neil coughed uncomfortably. He wasn't sure how to process this new and unsolicited advice. Naturally, his brain defaulted to asking the worst possible question.

“You've had a breakup recently too, huh?”

Angie rolled her eyes at him. “Tactful.”

“Sorry, I'm just really bad at this,” Neil laughed.

“Utterly hopeless. Too bad I can't teach you how to talk to women since that requires a brain,” Angie teased.

The two chuckled nervously and there was a brief silence, during which a thousand possible conversations could have happened if either party knew what to say. Neil wondered for a moment how many different threads had just been created at this moment involving either of them being just a little bolder.

“So who all will be at Damian's place tonight?” Neil asked, as casually as he could manage.

“Trying to meet somebody?” Angie teased.

Neil blushed slightly. “I mean, I just wanna get a sense of the crowd, you know. Usually, when I'm at Damian's house it's just his folks and kid sister. And they have a pretty quiet household usually. It's-”

“Settle down, champ,” Angie said, knocking her fist on the table to get Neil's attention. “It's gonna be Damian, Ash, and Victoria. And now you, I guess. Which reminds me, do you already have a character created?”

“Oh, uh,” Neil's blush intensified. Perhaps this was a bad idea after all.

“Hang on, I always carry the Rules Cyclopedia with me in my backpack. Hope you don't have any plans for the next hour and a half,” Angie chuckled.

---

Damian's house, or more accurately his father's house, was practically a castle. The post-modern nightmare was rigid white walls with wide bay windows and a wrap-around patio. It looked more like the office space of some high-tech startup than it did a residential home. To complete the effect, the home was surrounded by twelve acres of dense woodlands with neatly lined cobblestone paths. If Damian's dad had the power, he would have evicted the animals too.

The main ground-floor living space was technically called the “sunroom” but all the shades had been drawn and track-lighting illuminated a rectangular mahogany table. Six comfortable leather desk chairs were arranged around the promising assortment of battle maps, books, bowls full of various flavors of chips, soda bottles, and even a tray of deviled eggs, courtesy of Damian's mother.

Angie sat at the head of the table, a beautifully illustrated dungeon master's screen creating a sense of distance between her and the players. She had dressed up for the occasion, with a grey wizard's robe draped over her shoulders and clip-on elf ears.

The players were more casual, the only one who really got into the spirit of the event was Damian himself, who was wearing a maroon vest and bracers to mirror his half-elf rogue character: Quem. He was sitting just to Angie's left and fidgeting with his dice.

Opposite Damian was Neil himself, who had, after considerable effort of grasping the rules of this strange new game, had settled on a gnomish wizard named Frobozz the Magnificent. This was definitely not his usual scene, and he much preferred games on a computer screen to those played with pen and paper.

But duty called.

At the end of the table were Angie's friends Ash and Victoria. Ash sat beside Damian, his chiseled features and slight stubble capturing the image of the rugged Marcus, the human fighter he played. He wore a black t-shirt bearing the album artwork from Metallica's “Master of Puppets”.

Victoria was dressed somewhat plainly in a grey v-neck and jeans but wore a black pick around her neck as a sort of talisman. Damian had mentioned that she was the guitarist of a local garage band, and the connection between these two and Angie started to make more sense. She was controlling Elwin, the halfling bard.

“Alright guys,” Angie said waving her arms in a grandiose bordering on the satiric gesture of welcome. “As you all know we are joined by a new face tonight. This is Neil.”

“Hey, man,” Ash nodded respectfully.

“Welcome, welcome,” Victoria greeted.

“Uh, hi everyone,” Neil replied nervously. “So yeah. First time.”

“It'll get under your skin,” Ash said.

“He's not wrong,” Damian chuckled. “I was just gonna play a session or two to see what I thought. Now I host the game.”

“Yeah, Damian, I gotta say, this doesn't seem like your scene,” Neil said, feeling slightly bolstered by the presence of his friend.

“Hey, I get to spend five hours a week pretending to be the world's greatest thief. What's not to like?” Damian shrugged.

“He only started playing because he was trying to sleep with my friend Liana,” Angie corrected.

“Lies and slander!” Damian chuckled a little too brazenly.

“I mean, fair enough, you stuck around after she moved, but you were not subtle about it,” Angie added, fiddling with a sheave of notes behind her screen.

“Get used to this,” Victoria said conspiratorially to Neil. “D&D is about 80% game to 20% trash talking.”

“Don't forget the snacks and beer,” Ash added.

---

When the game finally began properly, Neil had to admit the appeal. Gone were the five random strangers sitting around a table. In their place were a team of four heroes being led through a fantasy realm through Angie's skillful story-telling.

The heroes had been tasked with the recovery of an ancient artifact from the ruins of a long-abandoned castle. Elwin, Quem, and Marcus began the session already at the gates of the castle, where they had left off the previous week. Angie used this as an opportunity to introduce Neil's character. Frobozz was a former wizard of the fallen kingdom who had been magically sealed away in the castle dungeon for many years. Now Frobozz was helping the heroes while he decided what to do with the rest of his life. It was a simple story that allowed Neil an out in case this wasn't for him.

But it was hardly necessary. Within the first hour, he already knew he loved the world that Angie had created. The castle was filled with deadly traps and terribly clever puzzles to solve. And when they reached their first combat encounter and Angie broke out the battle map and clay miniatures it went to the next level.

“I don't have a gnome wizard mini yet, so you'll have to be a goblin for now,” Angie said apologetically as she placed the figurine on the map.

The battle was fierce, with the four of them facing off against four undead warriors, each one mirroring the players themselves. A hulking zombie still in plate mail led them, followed closely by two skeletons, one wielding a dagger and the other a bow. In the rear was a spell-slinging shade. And considering Neil did not know what he was doing, the battle was especially hectic.

It was about halfway into the melee when there was a knock on the sunroom door. Ash was explaining the finer points of the Magic Missile spell to Neil, while Victoria was desperately searching through her character sheet to see if she had any Potions of Healing left.

“Come on in!” Damian called.

The door slid open and his little sister Talia entered the room. She was wearing a set of lime green pajamas and holding a stuffed Babar the Elephant.

“Talia, what's up?” Damian asked, walking over to the young girl.

“Mama needs your help,” Talia said. “In the kitchen.”

The plan was for their family to have a traditional dinner around this time, but Damian would be excused to bring his plate back to the sunroom. As for the others, Mr. Levant had ordered them a couple of pizzas out of consideration for their palate.

“Hi, Talia,” Neil greeted politely.

Talia froze in place and gave the unmasked expression of shock that only kids can truly manage. She then covered both of her eyes with her hands, and meekly muttered, “Don't talk to strangers.”

“Stranger? That's Neil,” Damian laughed. “You're being silly, kiddo.”

“Sorry, I'm not trying to frighten you, little miss,” Neil apologized, scooting his chair back in.

Stranger... maybe I am a stranger. What if this isn't my thread after all?

“It's about dinner time, isn't it?” Ash asked.

“One-track mind,” Victoria teased.

Damian ignored both of them and took his little sister's hand. “Alright kiddo, take me to her. Angie, I'll just be a few minutes.”

Neil leaned back in his chair a bit as he tried to consider what he would do as soon as Damian got back. He was in a tough fight and had no idea how to get out of the mess they were in. As his brain whirred with the possibilities Ash and Victoria were debating, he felt a pulse from the amulet.

“You are near the Crossroad now,” Rem informed him. It was clear that nobody else in the room, except him, had heard the voice. “It's not in that room. Somewhere else in the house. We still don't have a clear picture.”

Neil was taken aback. For a moment he had almost forgotten why he was there. Now that he was reminded, he needed a way to excuse himself from the group.

“Uh, I'm gonna go see if Damian needs any help,” Neil explained.

“You can just say you're using the can, dude, we're grownups here,” Ash said.

“Allegedly,” Victoria smirked.

“I'm not the one who tried to seduce a dinosaur, okay?” Ash shot back, referencing some prior adventure of theirs.

“It's a valid strategy, I'm a bard. I'm sorry you don't understand our love,” Victoria laughed.

--- Neil slunk down the narrow T-shaped hallway from the sunroom in the southeast corner of the house into the open-layout public space. The western side of the house was an open space, with carpet for the living room half and tile for the dining room. Around the corner from this, facing the front door, was the stairwell leading up to the bedrooms. On the opposite side of this were the stairs leading down into the basement. The kitchen was off to the side of the dining room, on the opposite side of the house from the sunroom.

“So any bright ideas?” Neil whispered.

“It seems likely that it is in the floor below you,” Rem offered.

“I was afraid you were going to say that,” Neil sighed, moving towards the basement door and placing a hand on the basement door.

“Talia!” shouted Damian's mother from the kitchen. “Don't touch the pan, it's still hot!”

Neil jumped at the sudden shout, and his fingers rattled the doorknob. Footsteps approached from the stairs above him and he quickly let go, attempting to act casual. He was temporarily frozen as Anders Levant rounded the corner.

Damian's step-father was an impressive-looking man; bald but with a neatly trimmed beard that lined features nicely. He was wearing a black collar shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and draped in grey suspenders that connected to his matching pants. The man looked constantly ready for action, and this was no exception.

“Evening, Neil,” he said with a smile, but with the grain of unflinching seriousness that coated everything the man said. “Break time from the grand adventures, eh?”

“Mr. Levant,” Neil nodded. In truth, Neil had only met him once or twice before. He was something of an enigma and wasn't one for large social gatherings. “Sorry, I was just going to see if I could help your wife set out dinner.”

“Were you?” Mr. Levant said, his voice raised slightly.“ I'm certain she would welcome that. You're going to make some woman very happy someday. My generation never got taught 'woman's work', you know.”

Mr. Levant let out a deep bellowing laugh and patted Neil on the shoulder. There was a slight, reflexive grip as he reached Neil's neck. A tight pinch, and then he let go. His touch felt like lightning at the moment, but it was over as soon as it began.

“Right,” Neil nodded. “I mean, I figured. I guess I'd better go into the kitchen then, right?”

“You know where it is, oh grand explorer,” Mr. Levant nodded. It was a statement, not a question, and it carried the subtext of dismissal.

“Yes sir,” Neil said, sliding past Mr. Levant and walking down the hallway towards the kitchen. He glanced briefly over his shoulder to see Mr. Levant sliding a key into the basement door and locking it shut.

“It's him.”

Rem's message was unnecessary, as he felt a powerful burning in his chest at the sight. The pieces were falling into place right before him, and now he just had to do something about it. He had to get into that basement. Something horrible was going to happen down there. But what? And how? And how did it relate to Mr. Levant?

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

“Pizza!” Talia cried.

“Tiny one, that is for your brother's friends!” Mrs. Levant said. “You can have one slice after you finish your dinner.”

“I'll get it!” Neil said, opening the front door.

There was another way into the basement. A window on the lower level. It was narrow, but Neil was slim and he could probably squeeze his way through it. He just had to get outside and work his way around to it. This was going to require a distraction and the pizza man was perfectly timed. He opened the door to a haggard-looking college kid holding two large boxes and a couple of 2-liters.

“Hey sir, it's $18.78.”

“I'll grab the food from you,” Neil said, taking the pizza.

“You gonna pay for it too, Neil?” Damian asked, appearing from the kitchen and patting him on the shoulder.

“I'll get you back for it, I promise,” Neil laughed, trying to hide his nerves. As he turned around, Mr. Levant was still standing by the basement door.

Damian handed the guy $25. The window was closing, and he was being watched closely. He couldn't exactly bolt out the front door after the pizza guy. Holding the food and balancing the two-liters anxiously he moved towards the sunroom. Neil felt a knot forming in his stomach. His time was running out.

Then he considered another strategy. One born from desperation and recklessness.

“Rem,” Neil whispered, his lips hidden behind the two-liters. “It's Mr. Levant himself, right?”

“Correct. What does that have to do with-”

Before Rem could finish his thoughts, Neil acted. Feigning himself slipping on his shoelaces, he barreled into Mr. Levant, food first. Pizza and soda went everywhere and Mr. Levant was knocked back against the rear wall, his head making contact with the molding of the dining room door-frame.

“Son of a bitch!” Mr. Levant cursed, as he reached back to his head. His hand came back bloody.

Neil didn't look much better as he had hit the opposite frame, except his forehead took the brunt of it, leaving a nasty gash between his eyes.

“Oh! Daddy's bleeding!” Talia cried.

“Dad!” Damian cried out, rushing past Neil to help his father up.

“I'm sorry!” Neil blurted, doing his part to keep up the illusion. “I slipped, I'm so sorry!”

“Hey, is everyone alive?” Angie asked, poking her head out of the sunroom.

“We've got to get you both to a hospital,” Mrs. Levant said, emerging from the kitchen. She had been through far worse and was doing a wonderful job of maintaining her composure. “Talia grab some towels. Damian, you start the car. Are you alright, husband?”

“Looks like you got me,” Mr. Levant chuckled, calming down slightly as he sat up to stare Neil directly in the face. “Boy, you certainly do know how to throw a party, don't you?”

There was an understanding between the two of them at that moment. They were both going to play their part, certainly. But Neil felt it as sure as he felt the burning in his breast from the amulet, and the uncomfortable way the light glinted off of that phony smile of his. Anders Levant knew exactly what he had done, and – somehow – why he had done it. There was far more to this man than Neil could have ever possibly imagined.

It's him, alright.

#writing #writingcommission #commissionsopen #cosmichorror #shortfic #scifi

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austinpanda · 3 years

Text

Dad Letter 032821

28 March, 2021

Dear Dad--

Happy Sunday to you! It’s been an uneventful week, because the casino people still have me in hurry-up-and-wait mode. They were doing the background check and the pee test. Both tests should have come back with boringly predictable results; I have no criminal background, and I have no crimes in my whizz, either. They gave me a packet of information about the pee test, including lists of what they test for. They seem to test for alcohol, which is weird, but I guess the test is to determine if you have a lot of it inside you at that moment. Because if you can’t sober up for an 8:00 a.m. pee test, I suppose it indicates a potentially interesting personal life…?

So I’ve been spending my time cleaning all the things that don’t normally get cleaned, in case it’s a long time before I can clean them again. For example, I scrubbed the bathtub, cleaned the light bulbs in the bathroom, and waxed my car, Beige Lightning. I probably wouldn’t worry about keeping a 13 year old Hyundai waxed and shiny, except I own some Turtle Wax, and what the hell? I can watch the rain water bead up on the hood while I’m quarantining. I don’t wax the whole thing, just the upward-facing surfaces, like the hood and roof and trunk lid. Waxing the doors feels too fastidious for me. My thinking is that if you wax the parts where the rain will bead up, people will just assume you waxed the doors, too. Now I just need it to rain, so I can watch all the beads forming and feel like a proud motorist.

If it seems like I’m already straining to come up with a topic of conversation, I must admit, I thought I’d be working by now, so I didn’t plan much over the past week. I’m still unvaccinated, but the process seems to be accelerating tremendously, and it’s beginning to look like I’ll get my shot within maybe a week or two? With Zach getting his shot no more than a month after that. Downside of marrying someone of an earlier generation: I qualify as “old enough to get a vaccine,” while Zach does not. We can’t exactly start partying with our friends until we both get the shot, but it sounds like it’s going to be a glorious day when everyone we know has been vaccinated. I miss restaurants, and buffets, and movie theaters! Life returning to normal, kinda.

Oh, I made pad thai! I get the impression that there was a period in the past when making pad thai was more popular, like the fondue sets of the 1970s. I’ve always liked pad thai, no matter which restaurant made it, but I never attempted to cook it myself, because it’s a complicated dish. It has a lot of ingredients, including a few that I’d never buy otherwise, like bean sprouts (stupidly perishable), and fish sauce. Fish sauce is the most disgusting-smelling thing I’ve ever had in my kitchen, or my nose, for that matter. I was not looking forward to spending money to get an ingredient that I’d otherwise consider about as edible as enriched plutonium. But, I appealed to my inner Vulcan, and logic told me: Fish sauce, while repellant in every way, is present in every pad thai recipe I’ve found. It suggests that fish sauce has always been included in the pad thai, so maybe I should just trust the recipe and buy the stupid nasty sauce. My deduction was correct! You add fish sauce, but you also add rice vinegar, soy sauce, and brown sugar, things that ameliorate the smell of the fish sauce, and make it just another delicious ingredient.

When I had completed making the pad thai on Wednesday, I’d have to say it was a partial success. I had included too much pasta, and the flavor was a bit bland. But it was okay. The thing is, when I was packaging up the leftovers, I grabbed a big handful of the noodles and threw them away. Apparently, this made the leftovers exactly perfect, and Zach and I ate the leftovers with more zeal and yummy noises than we had the first time around. Now I want to make the dish again, because I know how much pasta (rice noodles, aka rice sticks) to use, and I can get all the ratios correct from the start. Kind of exciting, because I always viewed the dish as too lovely and complicated to make myself. Now I don’t need a restaurant to make me pad thai, because I found a recipe that allows me to do it at home.

I saw a good documentary about a plane crash lately! This one was a plane full of French people, which disappeared over the open ocean a few years back. Some wreckage came to the surface and was gathered up. Then they started doing searches underwater to find the plane, which took a long time. Eventually they found it, and found the two black boxes. Because I’m a plane crash nerd, I know that the black boxes are actually bright orange, to make them easier to find amid plane wreckage, and they’re not even boxes. And there’s two of them: the flight data recorder, which keeps track of plane and flight data, and the CVR, the Cockpit Voice Recorder, where they can listen to what everyone was saying in the cockpit.

After years, when they finally found the plane under water and got the two black boxes, they figured out what had happened. This, really, is the part of the generic plane crash story that grabs my attention and makes me want to learn more: when they piece together all the evidence and come up with a detailed timeline that shows everything that happened, and everything that went wrong. What happened this time? Well, a little probe thingy that sticks out of the fuselage and measures something (maybe airspeed?) got coated in ice and started giving shitty data. The plane recognized this and took itself off of autopilot. The flight crew, not knowing what was going on, and in possession of shitty airspeed information, put the plane in a nose-up attitude, but didn’t give it enough power. We all know what happens when you run out of power while going uphill in an airplane, right? Stall! The plane stalled, which kind of doomed their dumb asses.

Because it was at night, and because the pilot and the rest of the flight crew didn’t figure it out in time, the plane stalled. This means it stops moving forward like a plane, and just starts dropping like a rock. But as it drops it still maintains the same nose-up attitude, and because of that, and the fact that you’re obviously still moving, it can be hard to detect that you’re in a stall. This is where I need to learn more about this accident if I don’t want that part to bug me, because they stalled the plane, and then they just flew along happily, dropping like a rock, until they hit the ocean. Did no one notice that the altimeter was showing the plane falling to the earth with invigorating speed? Was there no audible alarm saying, “Stall! Stall! Do something, dumbasses! You're in a stall!” The good news about flying happily into the ocean, however, is that it’s unlikely that everyone died in a terrorized panic. Plane’s still pointed forward, still moving through the air, no worries. Beats getting sucked out of a hole in the plane and falling to your death, am I right?

I have recently rewatched a made-for-TV movie that used to scare the bejesus out of me as a kid: The Ghost of Flight 401. Remember that? This plane crashes into the Everglades. (Why did it crash? They focused so much of their attention trying to diagnose what was actually just a light bulb problem with their landing gear indicator light, that they experienced a brief period of, “Oops, no one’s flying the airplane,” and they crashed.) In the made-for-TV-movie, one of the flight crew was Ernest Borgnine. And after the crash, they recycled some parts from the crashed plane and installed them in planes still in service. Then dead Ernest Borgnine comes back and starts scaring the shit out of everyone in the planes that got the flight 401 plane parts! All based on a TRUE STORY.

It was the ghost of Ernest Borgnine that used to scare the hell of me. And the movie was spooky as fuck, and it came out in 1978 when I was nine years old, and for a made-for-TV-movie, it was really well done! If you recall, because I know we watched this when it aired originally, the movie ends when some of the people affected (including an Asian flight attendant woman, who’s stood out in my memory ever since) get together and have a seance to encourage dead Ernest Borgnine, and anyone else listening, to move on, and stop haunting our airline passengers, pretty please. You know, you can watch this whole thing on YouTube for free, whenever you want? I find it less terrifying now that I’m 52 years old, but it’s still refreshingly creepy.

Okay, time to wrap this up. Perhaps by this time next week I’ll have started my casino job! Either that, or at least heard back from them to bring in my gaming license application and get my ID photo taken. Hope the spring has sprung! All my love to you both!

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breadinmypocket · 6 years

Text

My grandfather lied to my grandmother. I guess it runs in the family.

I don't blame him, really; you know what they say about grandfathers and paradoxes. In fairness, I don't think she would have believed him about when the time traveling secret agents finally caught up with him as an engineering student decades before they were supposed to have assassinated him. Somehow he convinced them not to carry out the assassination, though the next time he went back to the family farm he had some very pointed questions to ask his dad.

At least in this timeline, he has a grandson, and I don't think the world ends horribly. Never mind that I have to figure out a way to kidnap my infant grandfather, or figure out how I already have, depending on your perspective. However cute he is right now, he can't be allowed to grow up to be the man who plunges the world into nuclear winter and post apocalyptic chaos that is very short on heroically brooding love interests. And no matter how bad that future is, I draw the line at assassinating babies. Besides, there's that thing about grandfathers and paradoxes.

Trouble is, the Minister's son is well guarded. If I were going to kill him, I could find a way around his mother's security, particularly as the Bureau isn't expecting me to survive this mission. Instead, I have to take him alive, and God help us both, I have to raise him. In secret. While hiding from the Panhistorical Monitoring and Prevention Bureau. Normally I'd say that's impossible, but in a sense I've already done it.

Nevertheless, my throat goes dry and my ears buzz as I walk my new golden retriever through the park. The nanny eyes me from a distance, and I wave and give her a wry smile as the puppy squats down and makes a deposit on the walking path. Apparently this marks us as firmly outside the “suspicious” category, because as I fish a poo bag out of my jacket pocket she goes back to pushing the stroller around in the sunshine. I don't approach her, and I don't see any sign of other guards, not that the nanny couldn't kill me six different ways if I did anything out of line. Fortunately for me, the Minister wants her son to have a normal upbringing, and that means the nanny doesn't kill random strangers for walking their dogs.

As I'd expected, the puppy makes me look harmless, and my cover identity as a history professor at the local community college adds to the impression. The irony of masquerading as a history professor doesn't escape me, but I'm up to the part and this identity has to be airtight. I vary my schedule, as I can't afford any whiff of suspicion. If it even looks like I'm getting near the Minister's child on purpose, I won't have to worry about the Bureau finding me; I won't have to worry about anyone at all finding me.

By the time I see them again it's full summer, and Peaches is scarfing down the doggie sundae I bought her at the nearby ice cream shop. I pretend not to pay an attention to the baby or the nanny, but my grandfather squeals and makes grabby hands at the dog, who yaps and tugs on her leash. I frown for the nanny's benefit as I reprimand Peaches. “Sorry about that, ma'am, she's still learning her manners.” I mock-scowl at the dog, who wiggles unrepentantly.

“No harm done,” she replies with a smile that does not reach her eyes, and walks on.

The next time, I allow myself to show a flicker of recognition. She acknowledges my greeting with a nod, and I decide it's time to push my luck. “Nice day, isn't it?” It's a horrible day, with the kind of stuffy heat that makes one long for a good thunderstorm, but it's harder to make small talk if you say that sort of thing.

“It's a horrible day,” she says. “It's hot and stuffy and I'd kill a man for a good thunderstorm.” She looks at me like she's found a perfect candidate, and I clear my throat nervously.

“...Or we could be candid,” I reply with forced joviality. How did this conversation get away from me so fast? I cast about for a way to make an unobtrusive exit; I'll just have to try another approach. Some other day. “Hey, um...the ice cream parlor across the street is pretty good. Can I buy you a scoop?”

She raises an eyebrow, but accepts the offer, and I wonder what flavor of ice cream will obliterate the memory of the foot I've just stuck in my mouth.

At the ice cream counter, I order a doggie sundae for Peaches and a double scoop of rocky road for myself. I don't even like rocky road, but this is not the way my missions go and I'm trying not to admit to myself how badly I've blown it. She orders mint chocolate chip and bends down to adjust the straps of the baby's stroller and suddenly the fire alarms are blaring and the sprinklers are all going off and Peaches is sitting outside the ice cream parlor and howling piteously. The woman stands up, clutching my grandfather in her arms, and hisses at me, “How did you muck up the code so badly? Forget about it; we've got ninety seconds to get out of here.”

She ducks out a side door into the alleyway, and I lose precious seconds to hesitation. I can hear Peaches through the door, and I know I don't have time to waste, but I dash out and grab her, fumbling the leash loose and picking her up before splashing back through the ice cream parlor to follow the woman who shouldn't know who I am. I slip on the wet floor and slide ignominiously to the alley door, which has swung closed again. Peaches is heavy and soaking and very unhappy, and it's all I can do to shove my way through into the alley, where I can hear yet more alarms. I feel a pang of envy; the Bureau didn't give me anything that could set off every fire alarm on a city block.

My new partner and/or nemesis has conjured a taxi out of, as far as I can tell, thin air. She rolls her eyes at the dog and pointedly glances at the driver, who is folding a baby seat out in the back of his cab. I probably didn't need to be told not to talk in front of the driver, but since I've thoroughly trashed at least one person's mission today, I can't really complain. We don't have far to go, and the envy strikes again. The Bureau hasn't set me up with any safe houses in the capitol.

It's not much more than a room, but no alarms are blaring and it's dry. Either nobody knows where we are, or I'm about to find out what sort of oubliettes the Minister has at her disposal. Either way, I'm at this stranger's mercy.

“I know who sent you and why you're here,” she says, and I know an instant before it appears that she's going for a gun.

“I can't let you kill him,” I shout, at the same moment she says: “And I'm not letting you kill him.”

She frowns, and I sigh relief. The gun never wavers.

“Clearly we've got our wires crossed,” I observe, trying to sound like a suave secret agent. Her grimace is all the critique my performance deserves.

“Obviously! It was supposed to be peach ice cream and Rocky the dog!”

It takes me a few seconds to work through the implications. “What kind of absurd cloak-and-dagger...wait, you aren't with the Bureau!”

“You're with the Bureau of Blunders?”

I draw myself up to my full height, which isn't impressive. “I'm with the Panhistorical Monitoring and Prevention Bureau, and you are interfering in an operation of utmost importance.

She snorts aloud, but lowers the gun and gestures me toward a chair. She takes the settee, but in fairness, Grandpa must have been getting heavy. Traitorously, Peaches approaches her and tries to lick her hand.

“Of course you're from the damn Bureau. How else does a timeline go this badly wrong?”

“Hey, back up a minute. I'm here to fix this timeline. And who the hell are you?”

“The cleanup squad,” she snaps. “We're in a dozen timelines trying to fix what you people broke, and when you kill him it derails everything.”

“Okay one, I'm not going to kill him, and neither are you. Two, derails what? What happens in your timeline?”

“It takes a few decades, but eventually? Civil war, then external war. A few cities get nuked--”

“In the original timeline, it's more than a few cities.”

“Shut up. A few cities get nuked before somebody decides they'd rather break out the biologicals. Most of them just kill people; most of them aren't all that contagious. Those aren't so bad. But some of them spread, and they are unstoppable. I saw one of those timelines. It can’t happen.”

"Fair enough, but we're at an impasse, because I have to take him with me, and the Minister isn't going to like her son disappearing without a trace either.”

“You absolute fool, you thought I was going to kill him? Didn't any of you think to kill her?”

“We...actually didn't. How do you even make that happen? She's untouchable!”

“To some highly secretive time traveling agencies, I'm sure she is. Others of us know how to do our jobs. And a lot of things are possible if you're willing to sacrifice an agent or two.” She meets my eyes, and I'm the first one to look away.

“How can I help?”

“You're intending to keep him safe?”

“Yes.”

“Then here's how you help: don't mess it up. You're going someplace where nobody will find you, you're going to take care of him, and you're not going to mess it up because if you do I will figure out a way to reach you. Is that clear?” I nod and reach for the baby. She doesn't let me take him. “Your wallet. You can't have anything that would link you to this time.”

She shouldn't have had to tell me that, and I silently curse myself as I empty my pockets. Tucked into my wallet behind my inoffensive ID cards and bus pass is the only photo I have of my grandparents, a print from their wedding day. I slip it into a pocket. I'm not leaving that one behind. She raises an eyebrow, but hands me the baby and pulls out a small handheld device. I'm jealous again; the Bureau's time travel consoles take up entire rooms, but there's no mistaking what this is. Automatically, I reach for Peaches' collar and pull her nearer as the woman initiates her time disruption field.

I fight my way to consciousness, aided in battle by Peaches, who is licking my face and whining, and the baby, who is attempting to dig my eyeball out of its socket but at least hasn't crawled away. Can babies crawl? I don't know the first thing about babies. I don't know when we are, but I can make an educated guess. We've fetched up in a field, orderly rows of hip-high bushes with bright green leaves. I don't know the first thing about agriculture, either, but I think it might be corn. Perhaps I can start a new life as a farmer.

I try not to think about what will happen to the agent who sent me here. I'm unsuccessful. I hope her mission goes better now that I'm out of the way, but she's not going to escape. She knew what she was signing up for, I tell myself. I'm not convinced.

Since I'm already brooding, I fish my grandparents' wedding photo out of my pocket. To my relief, it's still in good shape. And a slow smile crosses my face as I realize that, whatever else happened, the agent must have made it out.

My grandmother lied to my grandfather; I guess it runs in the family. I can't really blame her.

#ayah's prompt challenge #my writing

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frecklesandthenerd · 5 years

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The Calm Between Storms in Hong Kong

We picked a difficult time to visit Hong Kong.

We had booked this trip several months ago, before protests picked up in June, and as the trip grew closer we watched the news carefully and with increasing alarm, especially when the western news stopped covering the protests and it became increasingly difficult to find accurate information about what was going on in the city. But, the entire reason we had wanted to go to Hong Kong in 2019 was to experience the city before it just became the same as the rest of China, which was now threatening an escalated timeline. We decided to go, and we were very glad that we did.

Similarly to all of the places we visited, Hong Kong’s politics are very complicated. The city was a British colony from 1842 to 1997, when it was transferred to the People’s Republic of China. Part of the transfer was the promise of a high degree of autonomy for Hong Kong, as well as leaving the current social and economic systems of the city intact until 2047. Early in 2019, the Hong Kong government introduced a bill that would allow certain fugitives caught in Hong Kong to be extradited to China, and the protests kicked off as a reaction. Since the protest movement grew, it has increased its message to five demands of the Hong Kong and Chinese governments that center around maintaining the Hong Kong Basic Law, which grants the city’s autonomy. Regardless of how you feel about Hong Kong’s protest movement, it’s incredibly important for establishing how China will treat its territories as it moves forward with the One China policy.

In the end, we got incredibly lucky with our timing of visiting Hong Kong. Our entire time in the city was between protests, which were generally slowing in preparation for a “big one” for China’s 70th anniversary, which was three days after we left. When we arrived in the city and met up with a local, he let us know that we didn’t have to worry about working around protests, so we were able to visit whatever areas of the city we wanted.

Okay, history lesson over for a minute so that I can talk about what makes Hong Kong special.

Hong Kong is a paradox of a city. It’s a world finance capital, with all the money, glitz, and glamor that comes along with that. It’s a former British colony, and it has the UK’s street signs and buses, as well as a lot of residents with British accents. It has areas where residents live in 100 square foot apartments and shop for everything at their local night markets. It has a younger generation who considers themselves Hong Kongers, and an aging generation who just wants the stability of being Chinese. It has Michelin-rated meals under $2, or over $50.

Our first morning in Hong Kong, we hiked up to Lion Rock. This was a bold move at 11 am - it was about 85 degrees and sunny with high humidity. Like the Elephant Mountain hike we did, and really all the hikes we did in Not China, it was basically just stairs the whole way up. Taiwan had been humid and rainy but not hot, so we were completely unacclimated and struggling. No one else seemed to be sweating on our way up, which just seems ridiculous considering the amount of water we were losing.

Signs to Lion Rock (Photo/Jason Rafal)

Part way up we saw some people who had brought hammocks and were laying down for a nap in the shade, which seemed rather appealing at the time. Finally, though, we made it to the top, and the view was really really stunning. Lion Rock is on the mainland side of Hong Kong, and you look out over the city, Hong Kong Island, and the water. I would highly recommend the hike, but maybe don’t do it during the middle of the day in September. Lots of people hike it in the evening, and there are some great pictures online of the night that the protesters lit up the entire hike.

Hammocks in the shade beside the Lion Rock trail (Photo/Jason Rafal) Jason got this cool picture with butterflies and dragonflies that I didn’t even notice (Photo/Jason Rafal) The view from the top of Lion Rock (Photo/Jason Rafal) A school scene on our walk back from the hike (Photo/Jason Rafal) Hong Kong also has some good coffee culture (Photo/Jason Rafal)

Our local guide took us on a tour to experience the different sides of Hong Kong that afternoon. We started in Sham Shui Po, where the original men’s market was (this appeared to mean that it was full of electronics, from tables selling all colors of light strips, to someone selling every remote you’ve ever seen). We walked around for a few minutes before Ed, our guide, stopped us to eat some cheung fun (steamed rice noodle rolls) from a cart. They’re made by steaming a very thin rice batter with toppings, rolling it up, and putting it on a plate with some sauce. We tried BBQ pork and minced beef with cilantro, and both were delicious.

The traditional men’s market (Photo/Jason Rafal) Making cheung fun (Photo/Jason Rafal) A shop filled with various types of noodles (Photo/Jason Rafal) Ed and Nicole walk through the streets of Sham Shui Po (Photo/Jason Rafal)

After finishing our food, we took the metro to the Central area, where all the banks are headquartered. The metro in Hong Kong is famous for being so good, and after spending a fair amount of time on it, I have to agree.

Also, Hong Kong escalators are very fast - getting on and off them is tricky. I kept wondering why they wanted people to hold onto the handrail until I tried it a few times, and then it made sense.

One of the many escalators we rode down to the metro (Photo/Jason Rafal)

At the HSBC headquarters, Ed introduced us to Stitt and Stephen, the bronze lions at the entrance who were named after two of the bank’s early leaders. They’re sculpted in a fairly western style, and are massive - slightly larger than actual male lions. They were commissioned in 1923 and then taken by Japan for scrap metal during the 1940s, when the island occupied Hong Kong. When the war ended before they had been melted down, some random American sailor somehow recognized the lions from pictures and alerted HSBC that their lions were in Japan, safe except for some bullet holes (there is some debate about when the bullet holes were from). Now, they sit in front of the HSBC building again, watching the world go by.

Stitt stands guard (Photo/Jason Rafal)

We also rode on a double decker narrow trolley, nicknamed a ding ding for its distinctive and rather British sound, to the other side of the Central district. I would definitely recommend riding one, on the second story if you can - they are adorable and hilariously narrow and going around corners is an adventure.

A ding ding in the Central district (Photo/Jason Rafal)

We wandered through the trendy expat area for a bit, trying food and talking about Hong Kong. The area is a charming mix of fancy and homey. There are a lot of shops selling paper versions of everything - houses, clothes, food - that can be burned for the dead to provide them with what they need in the afterlife. We also tried some more food, including fish balls, sugar cane juice, and a new kind of soup dumpling. We had to wait for fresh soup dumplings, which put us behind on time, so we took a taxi to the waterfront to get on the ferry back to the mainland side of Hong Kong before the light show.

Colorful apartment buildings (Photo/Jason Rafal) Residents heading home in the dusk (Photo/Jason Rafal) A mural along one of the many staircases between streets (Photo/Jason Rafal) PMQ, which is an old police building turned into a mixed-use art and design space (Photo/Jason Rafal) A pedestrian street lit up at night (Photo/Jason Rafal) Some less traditional lucky cat statues (Photo/Jason Rafal)

The Hong Kong waterfront has a nightly light show. I was a little confused about what to expect, and kind of anticipated fireworks, but it turns out that many of the buildings along the waterfront have screens, colored lights, and lasers, and every night there is a city-managed light show over the water. If you’re on a ferry, it will slow down to let you watch from the boat for longer, and if you’re on the mainland side of the city, you can watch from the dock. It’s quite a pretty show.

The waterfront light show (Photo/Jason Rafal) Protest art in a metro station (Photo/Jason Rafal)

The next day we got up and took the tram to Victoria Peak. It’s a cable car up an incredibly steep hill, and it’s pretty fun to look at the crazy angle of the tram in comparison to the nearby buildings. At the top, we struggled for several minutes to get out of the weird mall building (it’s difficult to find exits), and then I led Jason on a bit of a wild goose chase up to the top of the mountain (he was not pleased). It’s a beautiful view, despite the slightly hazy day.

Riding up in the tram (Photo/Jason Rafal) A tram approaching the station (Photo/Jason Rafal) The view from the Victoria Peak station (Photo/Jason Rafal)

When we got back down to the city, we went to the Central-Mid-Levels escalator (Hong Kong loves escalators). It’s a covered elevated walkway, with one side as an upward escalator and one side as stairs, that goes above several streets. It’s weird and awesome. We also got some dim sum in the basement of a mall (surprising amounts of good food in mall basements on our trip).

The Central-Mid-Levels escalator (Photo/Jason Rafal)

Thursday evening was our fancy evening - we went to a classic restaurant to eat roast goose and suckling pig, and then we went to Quinary, which is on someone’s The World’s 50 Best Bars list. The roast goose was excellent - crispy skin, flavorful, great dipping sauce. We immediately wondered why people don’t eat geese in the US, which led us down an entire rabbit hole.

Suckling pig, with roast goose in the background (Photo/Jason Rafal)

Quinary was a funny experience because everything was in English - the menu was English, the people sitting around us spoke English, and our waiter had an Australian accent. The drinks were really delicious - we tried several. One of mine was supposed to be like drinking a pie, and they nailed it.

A very fancy drink at Quinary (Photo/Jason Rafal)

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readingaway · 5 years

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Readingaway’s Top 10 Books of 2018

2018 has been a year of ups and downs for everyone as is every year. I for one started this blog so I could get into the book community and hopefully get back into reading, which worked. One of the highlights of the year for myself has been reading more books than I ever have before, and in the last five months alone. So I need to take a moment and thank my public library, the Overdrive app, and the invention of audiobooks for allowing me to exceed my reading goal - to the point that I increased it from the original 45 to 101. I would also like to rue my refusal to turn to audiobooks before this year because I was missing out.

Of the 136 books I read or listened to this year (and that includes the few short stories, comic books, and children’s books) there are ten that stick out among all the others...

Okay so if I haven’t already posted reviews for these books I will soon so I won’t go too far into the explanations.

10. Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy

There’s so much to unpack about Tess, let’s just say I could probably write a thesis about this book.

9. The Princess Diarist by Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher herself narrated the audiobook and that made it 1000% better. I miss Space Mom.

8. Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

Like a knife in the gut. The characters and relationships are all so messed up and the whole story is painful but it’s so well done and, dare I say, important.

7. Dear Killer by Katherine Ewell

Chilling and convoluted and just fantastic

6. A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly

I think the longest review I’ve ever written was for A Northern Light. What do I even call it? Progressive? Important? Amazing? I love books that explore the power and importance of books and this is one of them. It’s also a great book for ladies in a man-hating mood because it gives you so many men to hate. Feminist definitely fits as a descriptor.

5. Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Hilarious! Positive! Empowering! Current! Feminism! A perfect summer read.

Somehow all of my top 4 happen to be historical fiction and just happen to either take place in or just after WWII. I’m not someone who’s obsessed with the time period nor do I subscribe to the popular American belief that it was just the greatest time and produced the best possible Americans and just overall treating it like historical porn while ignoring all the issues and the horrible things that happened (I mean yeah in high school we talked about the Holocaust a lot but it was really glossed over, they couldn’t get into a lot of what really went on and of course they ignored much of the build-up that allowed it to happen) or the atrocities that were committed by the Allies. Rant aside these were all stories that I found to be especially profound and touching.

4. The Book Thief by Markus Zusack

While there are a lot of people who read this book when they were younger I didn’t get to it until my mid-ish twenties. This book is absolutely heart-wrenching but I loved the bits of light and hope that were woven into the narrative.

3. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Ah, there’s a lot to say about this book and I posted my review of it months ago. I love myself a bittersweet ending, the stronger the two flavors the better and All the Light absolutely delivers on it. There are some aspects that can be confusing such as the continuously jumping timeline and perspectives but it’s done so well. The characters and the situations all broke my heart but there was just enough sweetness to keep me alive.

I had a really hard time deciding which spots to give to the next two -

2. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

I’ve gushed about this book in my review but it was honestly so hard to decide whether this books should get the first or second spot in the rankings. The reason it didn’t get the top spot is because it didn’t haunt me after it was over. I think that’s why it’s so much harder for positive stories and comedies to get respect or to be considered “good”. Sad or horrifying stories stick with us more easily than any other. It’s the tragedy that sticks in the mind years later rather than the miracle. As much as I love this book it didn’t stick in my brain quite as much as my top pick.

This leads us to the finale, my top pick for best book read in 2018...

1. Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys

Did I mention I broke down crying at work when I got to the end of the audiobook? I want to cry just thinking about it right now. Between Shades of Gray was moving but for whatever reason Salt to the Sea hit me so much harder. I think it was the wider cast, the multiple perspectives, the fact that I didn’t know anything about the historical events it surrounds while I knew about the gulags, and of course the ending. I’m starting to cry now because Ingrid and the Shoe Poet and Emilia and Helinka. Oh Emilia! She was just a baby herself.

I’m going to go cry.

Here’s to a fantastic 2019 guys!

#top ten books of 2018 #happy new year

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

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Well today was fairly good I suppose. My emotions were somewhat blah sometimes but other times they were ok, so that's something at least. But yeah, alarm went off at 7 and I convinced myself to get out of bed by 7:01 (okay, it just turned 7:02 when I stood up) and did the whole normal morning thing, got to my office and started on the work my boss gave me yesterday for today because she was gonna be out in the field for most of the day. It was two unfounded packets and then two permanency hearings for next week. The first unfounded packet was kind of questionable, it was against the natural mom who apparently let a cousin who has sexually abused the oldest daughter come to some visits, but they unfounded because he was supposedly never alone with the kids (which is shitty rationale IMO) and because the outcry wasn't completely trustworthy because the girl has developmental delays and couldn't come up with a set timeline. But at least hopefully that issue is dealt with. The second one was sadder, but not because of the actual situation, where two little girls were saying that their otherwise perfect record foster parents who they'd been with for two years out of nowhere started beating them, and everyone involved pretty much agreed their mother had put them up to that because she's disrupted the placements of her (apparently numerous) other kids in the system multiple times before just like that. And of course they got moved because of it and it just made me sad. So very selfish. But with those done I moved onto the permanency hearings, two older kids, one of which has been on run but is now considered to be off run but in an "unauthorized placement" because she's living with her boyfriend, but she's like, 17, so she really shouldn't be. We need to do a visit with her at some point before court so I tried calling the like 3 numbers listed on her sheet and got no answers, left a message at one at least. That was a dependency case coming in. The second came in as an abuse case but kind of became a dependency one, the younger kids were returned home but because of the older son's mental problems he wasn't and was given a goal of independence. Apparently he has a fairly low IQ (somewhere in the 70's I think) and very defiant behavior to just about everyone, but it looks like he managed to just graduate from high school, so that's good at least. So I prepped their forms depending on their cases and then sometime around then it became lunch time. It was one of the ladies on the calendars birthday, so we had ordered out from her favorite Greek place (she's like, hardcore Greek) and all ate in the lead attorney's office. My actual boss still wasn't there, but it was kind of nice to just sit and talk to the other attys, we have a women on our calendar which is kind of cool, and they were ragging on one of the ASA's who apparently has a bit of a sexist side, so that was good to now. But yeah, mostly we just laughed and had a good time and I enjoyed it. The gyro I got was pretty good, and only minimally hurt my stomach (unfortunately expected) but I just felt super full for the rest of the day, even though I didn't finish it. Back to work after lunch, just dealing with some other files and reading through the last reports on the TPR prep. There was apparently a rather in depth one I hadn't seen yet that was critical in changing the goal for the second kid, it was quite the insight into the parenting skills of the second father who looked half decent on paper but apparently had quite a ways to go in reality (he was asked like, if his kid was returned home to him (not that he ever lived with him to begin with) how he would deal with him being sick and he said something about his temperature would be office if it was like "in the 90s or 100s" because he thought normal was "in the 80s" so, yeah). So that was a good final piece to that puzzle. I looked through a big file twice trying to find an appointment order to attach to a criminal investigation unit request, but it was not in there, so I ended up having to request the paralegal fetch it for me tomorrow (I mean, I know how to do so myself, but the lawyer I was doing it for said to have the paralegal do it, and he's really cool, so it works). I might've worked on some other little things at some point but I think that was most of it. I played a little candy crush at the end of the day before heading out like 10 minutes early to hopefully catch the 5:03 bus to get home a little earlier, because I had a limited amount of time to get something done before I had PT at 7. So I knew my Amazon rental textbooks were due sometime at the end of this month, and it's been like in my mind this entire time, I'd been saving boxes for them, but never actually got around to just boxing them up, printing a label and bringing them to the UPS store. I know it's getting late in the month though so last night I checked online when the deadline was, and oh look, it's today, and the UPS store closes at 7. Well. I guess traffic was good because I actually managed to get off the bus by 6:08, which is impressive, and thankfully gave me more much needed time. I ended up having to use two boxes, one of which was a USPS flat rate box that somebody sent me something in but I was like you know what I'm just gonna slap the UPS label on it and hope nobody notices 😂 so I leave with the two boxes in my cart at like 6:45 (they weighed like 15 pounds between them, so I knew carrying them wouldn't end well cuz I've been down that path before), then walked to the UPS store in town and dropped them off quickly, then walked the rest of the way down the street to PT (I'm forever grateful to live so close to so many crucial places). I was back with my original guy today for the first time after his Europe trip, and he took a bit of a different approach today because some of my muscles were still super tight, so he asked if I would be willing to try this thing called dry needling, which is like sort of acupuncture but not but basically sets off a twitch response in the muscle and supposedly sets it back to its baseline if it was being under or over active (or at least that's how it was explained to me). I wasn't a huge fan of the idea, but my back has still been killing me after weeks of PT, like over a month now, so I said what the hell I've dealt with worse and went with it. It wasn't too bad actually, I couldn't really feel them going in but then when they hit the muscle there's like this dull achy cramp feeling that's not pleasant at all, but it doesn't last very long and you can like physically feel the muscle release. I think he only had to do it like 3 times and it really released, so that was good. We tried some slightly adjusted exercises after that and by the time I got out of there it was almost 8:30. I already had my cart with me and we ran out of toilet paper last night (again) so I ran over to jewel across the street, and also grabbed eggs and milk because I was out of those, a few yogurts, two frozen meals with meat in them, a bottle of Advil since I almost ran out, and of course a giant thing of toilet paper. I could like, barely shove it all into my cart but it just fit. I was pretty tired at this point but I wanted some damn ice cream so I walked back down the street and waited in line at the ice cream place. I was gonna get the peach Melba frozen yogurt again that I've been getting lately that's really good and makes me feel slightly less guilty, but then I saw that they had black cherry (it's one of their rotating flavors and I hadn't seen it in a while) which is like, one of my all time favorites, so at the last minute I switched and went with that). By the time I got home after that it was like, 9:10, but I made some eggs (now that I had more) and sat down to watch the second episode of the keepers, being that I said I'd keep with it, and holy shit, you can definitely say I'm hooked now. Like the episode was absolutely horrifying to watch because it mostly consisted of these women describing the heinous sexual abuse they were subjected to as children at the hands of the priests at their school, then ends with this giant bombshell that strongly indicates they had something to do with the murder of the nun who two of the girls had confided in, which was the tagline that originally got me interested in the series. Well, I'm all in now, for sure. And yeah, sometime after that I called it a night and got ready for bed. During the day I was of course obsessively checking my grades since tomorrow is the grade deadline, and at some point discovered I got an A- in crim pro II. I was slightly disappointed with this, but I also know I shouldn't be because that class was literally all ASA's and PD's and then there was just me, the person from juvenile court who just likes criminal law, so of course the curve was gonna be harder, and I still beat out a hell of a lot of people who intend on doing that for a living. So I know I shouldn't be disappointed with it, but I still can't help being a little bit. I'm just really hoping I pulled off that A in LARC now, but I really don't know. Still waiting on that damn grade. I would be surprised if I got less than an A-, but I'll probably be pretty mad if I do get an A- just because I worked so damn hard in that class and it was such a pain in my ass. Plus, going from last semester getting 3 A's and 1 A- to 3 A-'s and 1 A doesn't sit well with me as far as keeping my class rank, which was the goal here the whole time (I mean, top 10% just has such a nice ring to it.....sigh). But I guess we'll see. That grade just better get damn posted tomorrow, she's had our appellate briefs for over a month now and there's only like 13 of us in the class, you really have no excuse for blowing the grade deadline (especially with all the shit they supposedly hammer into us about the importance of meeting deadlines). So yeah, hopefully we'll find out on that tomorrow. Okay, that's all I got. Guess we'll see what tomorrow brings. Tonight was also officially 1 week since I started my new med, which means it was time to up it to 2 a day instead of 1, per my doctor's instructions, so hopefully that won't wreak too much havoc on my brain (I really hope so, anyway). Okay, really done now. Goodnight baes. Stay beautiful.

#daily journal #May 2017

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