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simandthedimbulbv2-0 · 3 months

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if you're not busy, could we learn more about Benjamin and Dylan Livright? Thank you!

As you wish 👉👉

These are the Livwrights; a normal American family living in the suburbs. Of course, appearances are only skin deep.

Benjamin Livwright: The workaholic father of the Livwrights. Ben slaves away at his desk job, convinced that the hard working American really can make something of himself —or at least earn his living— a viewpoint resulting from generational trauma inflicted by his own father. He wants nothing more than to provide for his family, but his manner of doing so is far from healthy.

While he comes off as a distant, unsympathetic father due to his disapproval of his son’s hobbies, his heart is in the right place.

He worries for his son’s wellbeing, afraid that the boy will be disillusioned—and even harmed— if he pursues his aspirations to become a musician. Unfortunately, as so often is the case, his worry manifests as anger.

The viewpoint character of the song I Earn My Life, caricatured by his son in As Your Father I Expressly Forbid It

Works at The Company, a weirdly nondescript business owned by Mr. Morimichi (of Man-Made Object). Technically a coworker of Mr. Wolfgang, but thankfully not on the same floor.

Very sensitive about his receding hairline.

Has a curious affinity with the Antfolk of Spiral of Ants; so much so that after an encounter with the spiral (from which he rescues his son) he is permanently partially mutated into an ant person. It’s ok though. Tbh he’s a lot healthier for it, and his wife and son don’t mind.

Ironically, he was briefly part of a band in his youth. His father put a stop to it very quickly.

Mary Livwright: Benjamin’s wife and Dylan’s mother. Homemaker. In her spare time, she likes to paint landscapes, but she doesn’t have much time for that. She mainly focuses on keeping the house spotless (perhaps as a coping mechanism more than anything) to avoid adding any unnecessary conflict to the feud between her husband and son. Mary puts on a brave face and plays the diplomat, but inside she’s terrified that her family will fall apart at any second. She desperately wants to help her husband and son reconcile, but to her distress, she isn’t sure how.

Suffers from anxiety

The ‘wife’ mentioned in I Earn My Life— she does indeed hear her husband’s justifications a lot.

Has a Bachelor of Arts in Painting

Uncannily good at strategy games

Dylan Livwright: Ben and Mary’s son. Dylan is a clever young man with a passion for music. He wants nothing more than to become a guitarist and produce his own songs, a goal that puts him at odds with his father. A fairly typical grouchy teenager with all the sarcastic, ungrateful trappings. However, Dylan is also quite sensitive, artistic, and responsible. As much as he hates his father’s lack of attention and approval, he still loves him and wants to make him proud.

Dylan is the in-universe author of a number of songs including As Your Father I Expressly Forbid It, Being a Rockstar, Go To Hollywood and Ancient Aliens.

Met professor Callenbach through a community service program. Callenbach eventually trusted him enough to befriend, and now Dylan plays the McFly to his Doc Brown.

Dylan proves to be instrumental to Callenbach’s attempts to contact the mysterious MC, as his musical talents are capable of properly fueling and calibrating the prof’s tone-powered communication machine.

Dylan lives in the same neighborhood as and is friends with the Moulinet boys despite being a few years older. He later helps Eugene figure out how to mix music.

Refuses to cut his hair short no matter what his dad says. Eventually starts wearing it in a ponytail, though.

Kenneth Livwright: The overbearing patriarch of the Livwright family. A retired investment banker and former business man with rather traditional values. He visits his son occasionally to keep an eye on how he’s doing, and to correct him if he’s getting off track.

Probably one of the most unsympathetic characters. Good thing he’s barely there.

The family as a whole:

The whole family is in this weird temporal aesthetic range of 50s to 80s to ‘00s; mainly due to the vibe I get from their situation. Hopefully it isn’t too jarring.

Benjamin’s ancestry is Danish, as a nod to Hans Christian Andersen, author of The Little Mermaid, which provided the partial inspiration for As Your Father I Expressly Forbid It (according to the commentary)

The whole family has punny/symbolic names, of course, starting with the surname which is a corrupting of ‘live right’; something the family is constantly trying to do.

Benjamin: short form ‘Ben’ means ‘son of’, as Ben’s life is completely dominated by his own father. In full, a corruption of ‘been living right’, which he is convinced he is doing.

Mary: homophone of marry, because her only mention in the actual music is as the wife of the singer. Also homophone of ‘merry’, as she’s the most cheerful of the Livwrights (outwardly, at least). And finally, depending on the etymology, can relate to the sea, which goes back to the little mermaid references, and also her son because…

Dylan: meaning ‘born of the sea’. Initially chosen as a corruption of ‘didn’t live right’, but also as a nod to the Little Mermaid. Also provides symbolic opposition to his grandfathers influence, as his name is…

Kenneth: etymologically related to fire. Also a corruption of ‘Can live right’ in its short form Ken, and a corruption of ‘cannot live right’ in its full form, for obvious reasons.

#Ask #took a while but hope you enjoy 👉👉

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felixthefish · 1 year

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// RANT

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me watching the aaf fandom infantilize and fetishize andy while also shipping him with peter for the 10000th fcking time today. the criteria for being infantilized and fetishized by people who obviously have never been in a relationship is just be mlm. i don't have to fcking see gross fanart of andy x peter EVERYTIME i just look for aaf content. for the love of god this fandom is turning into 2016-18 baldis basics, batim, animation memes era. oh and not to mention andy is a minor and peter is an adult, also the ship is fcking ABUS1V3💀??? i dont understand how people pull sh1t like this and then call me out for just having a non-problematic headcanon for a character. (for context i once said i headcanoned andy as schizophrenic, felix as having bpd and all of the cast as neurodivergent. oh and the funny part is i have schizophrenia AND bpd AND autism so feel free to call me out for projecting into these video game characters even tho theres nothing wrong with that??? its a healthy coping mechanism and not just obvious p3d0ph1l1a like pr0sh1pp1ng) there are way healthier ships with andy like andy x margaret or andy x claus but instead you go to ship something so disguisting??

idk if i should add this part but tbh i need to say it i generally do NOT like peter fans!! atleast most of them. i understand why people may like him i see the appeal in this character but i have had NOTHING and i mean NOTHING but terrible experinces with people who like/stan him, online and irl. most of them have made me VERY uncomfortable, activley hate on me because of my mental disorders oh and send me d34th thr34ts just because i like andy💀. i understand its not all of his fans and im still learning to warm up to them. (hint i also don't like them because they are mostly the ones that fetishize gay ships in aaf)

im sure ive made atleast like 20 spelling mistakes since im writing this late at night but idc i just wanted to say this tbh.

#andy's apple farm #andys apple farm #aafposting #stop fetishizing gay men

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parrot-blues · 2 years

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genshin hc dump: mondstadt edition (counting travellers as mondstadt since it's where they first went)

*only doing characters that I like a lot/have a good grasp of their character

----

Venti: agender (he/they), trans, gnc, demirom/ace

Aether: demiboy (he/they), trans, greyrom/quoi

Lumine: demigirl (they/she), aroace

Noelle: she/her, oriented aroace

Razor: demiboy (they/he/it), trans, oriented aroace

mondstadt ships I like: xiaoven, xiaother, xiaoventher (I think there might be a trend here, haha ^^'), jeanlisa

favourite mondstadt friendships: fischl, bennett, and razor; noelle and traveller; fischl and mona; venti and traveller

dynamics I see (platonic):

jean and diluc: casual friends; they respect each other. jean wishes she had more time to get to know diluc because she senses that he really needs someone to confide in; diluc is afraid of getting close to her because he feels he is unworthy of friendship

diluc and kaeya: used to be close (brothers), but after their falling out they're obviously not friends/brothers anymore. diluc actually formally disowned kaeya (OUCH), but it broke his heart because after that he realised he had just isolated himself from the one person left in the world who he could trust. kaeya was equally devastated (though he hid it far better, under a mask of indifference), and he also felt completely isolated after that. each wants to go back to how they used to be, but neither is brave enough to take the first step in fixing their relationship

sucrose and albedo: sucrose looks up to albedo a lot; albedo is trying to get her to stop seeing him as such an intimidating figure, and more as a friend (TUMBLR STOP DELETING THIS PART </3)

kaeya and rosaria: drinking buddies who became close friends (they still drink around a lot)

diluc and venti: though he hates to admit it, diluc has grown fond of the green bard. makes sure he doesn't drink too much; venti is grateful to diluc for helping him watch his drinking habits. diluc is trying to convince venti to find healthier coping mechanisms, such as music

bennett and razor: THE MOST ADORABLE BESTIES IN THE WORLD (REAL)- I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC SO MUCH MY DAY LITERALLY BECOMES 10X BETTER WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEM THEY'RE MY COMFORT BEST FRIENDS MY SKRUNKLIES MY EVERYTHING <3 ok coherent talk now: they met when bennett got injured (classic) and razor helped heal him; they taught each other wilderness survival strats (like the epic [gamers] adventurers that they are) and eventually became close. bennett actually thought he had a crush on razor for a while until he realised the feelings were just him finally being comfortable enough to get close to someone (he's always stayed somewhat distant from people bc of his "bad luck")

qpr hc's:

venther: ok I actually originally wasn't a huge fan of this ship except as strictly a friendship but qpr venther has taken over my heart and soul now... I love them... the skrunklies <3 ok so since this is obv related to xiaoventher lemme explain: venti was the first real friend (apart from paimon ofc) that aether had when they first landed in teyvat, and venti in turn is eternally grateful to aether for helping him with dvalin (look man all I'm saying is that if someone helped me find and save my best friend who'd been missing for literal YEARS I'd forever be in their debt). also, venti felt that aether was the first person since zhongli and xiao that he could open up to (we all need new circles of friends sometimes). ergo, besties! after a while, aether realises he is catching some sort of weird feelings for venti; they talk it out, and venti decides to cautiously explore this concept with aether (he wasn't not sure of his own feelings yet tbh). venti falls very, VERY suddenly, and ofc it had to be when he's drunk. aether cares for venti during the hangover, and venti confesses that he thinks he's caught the same feelings. thus, they transition into a qpr (it wasn't rlly a huge change for them tbh). also forgot to mention that this is before xiaother and finally xiaoven get together)

xiaother: xiao wanted to protect aether, and inevitably he began to open up to him and they became close friends. xiao fell first, and he began to get more protective until aether told him to back off a bit; this caused a small rift in their friendship before they got closer again. xiao used this time apart to figure out his feelings because he realised they were different than what he felt for venti, and eventually he realised that he felt alterously towards aether. meanwhile, aether misses xiao bc he likes how chill and quiet their time together is (he needs a break from socialising bruh). when they start getting closer again, aether realises that they feel the same way towards xiao as they do towards venti; miraculously, they actually confess at the same time and become qpr partners (after talking to venti). oh and speaking of venti, this actually forces xiaoven to confront their feelings towards each other (and is the catalyst for them to start repairing their friendship)

xiaoven (yes these dumbasses have their own category bc on the four winds these idiots have sm chaos it's unreal)

xiaoven: started out kind of unhealthy and mostly one-sided (xiao->venti, pre-venti's 500 year hibernation), with xiao basically worshiping venti but venti being on the fence and not fully mentally committed to the relationship bc he was scared of committment (and also of disappointing xiao). they took things way WAY too fast and when venti dropped off the face of teyvat w/o so much as a word or a goodbye it really ruined their relationship, and after xiao heard venti returned from hibernation he avoided him for a really long time until aether came along

(kinda a subcategory bc idk where to put this since I already basically explained how they got together)

xiaoventher: I honestly explained already how they got together earlier, whoops ^^' but their polycule actually starts off much more stable than aether expected (he's privy to the xiaoven drama, from both sides). aether also realised very early on that their relationship was gonna fall apart if they acted as the middleman between xiao and venti, so they forced (/lh) both of them to go to couples' counselling (yay, finally). obviously things don't immediately get better between xiaoven, and they actually break up and start over as friends because they realise that jumping into a romantic relationship right away wasn't the best idea. aether is very proud to see their progress as they slowly learn to trust each other again; one lantern rite, xiaoven finally feel comfortable enough w/each other to try dating again (aether cries from relief bc he was so worried that xiao and venti would lose each other forever). it takes a while, but eventually everyone is comfortable enough with everyone else for them to move in together (this sounds random asf but I swear it's actually important); though all 3 of them are afraid of settling down, making a cabin in aether's serenitea pot was the perfect compromise and now they have a mutual safe space for them to exist <3

#genshinimpact #genshin headcanons #xiaoven #xiaother #xiaoventher #mondstadt #mondstadt characters

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vro0m · 9 months

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Around 5 months ago I said that I was leaving the f1blr and everything F1 related because I had reached the point where I had parasocial fantasies and could cry if I saw my fave with a woman. So I unfollowed all the F1 related blog and deleted all my socials in order to touch grass. I took me one month to remember that celebrities are not my friends, I do not know them and that the probability for me to meet them is close to 0.

Recently I decided to come back to Tumblr and I remember that your blog was one of the few ran by a down to heart person who saw things for what they were and not what they want it to be and I liked your analyses of the seasons. So guess what I did, went through all the F1 blogs to find you!

And now here I am.

I do not know if I remember correctly but I'm sure it was some of your posts that made me realise that it was not normal to be living only to scroll on a website to see what someone you do not know is up to becayoy want "to know them".

All of this to say I'm glad that I found your blog at that time and that it made me somehow deal with the aspects of my life that made me unhappy and that led me to avoid it altogether and escape here on this site, on F1blr. I have been able to dissociate less and be more present in my own life .

I hope it doesn't weird you out 😅🥲. You are one of my fave blogs and I hope only good things happens to you.

Hi Anon! I didn't expect to read such an ask today, or ever tbh.

When life gets tough it's natural to want to escape from it one way or another and God knows I do it too. Escapism isn't a bad coping mechanism as long as we keep in mind it's just a break and not a solution to what makes us need breaks. It's difficult to face our problems, it's brave of you to do so. I'm very glad to know you're feeling better and more grounded. I hope you don't find me too forward when I say I hope that now that you're dipping your toes back in the fandom, you're able to enjoy it while maintaining a healthier distance with things than you used to. Because F1 is not worth the hurt it has caused you before if you can't. No fandom, no hobby, is.

I'm very touched by your kind words. I'm glad I had a positive impact somehow, I never expected that when I made a blog about F1. I do often try to stay down to earth it's true, but please don't forget I'm as subjective as anyone else on this website. It's human. I do a lot of interpretation as well, especially in my race reviews. I hope you, and honestly anyone else that might read me, take everything I post with a spoonful of salt. Still, I also do hope you find me worth the effort you made to find me again!

Welcome back! I wish you only good things as well.

#vro0m's asks

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 7 months

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Hi, uhm I have some mental health issue's but nobody to talk about it. Abusive parents, no other adults in my life, no option for a councilor. I started very extensively making up conversations with my former therapist in my mind. I tell them everything and imagine what they would say. Tbh it has been many years since I saw them and it has turned into kinda a parasocial relationship? They wasn't my therapist for long and by now I don't even know much about them anymore so I probably made up a very different person in my mind. It feels kinda... boundary overstepping, to use them as conversation (and validation) partner at that extend but I also feel like I need it for my mental health. Do you have any other idea how I could get this... outlet, which doesn't involve another person (one-sided relationship or not)?

Hi anon,

I think to some degree it can be helpful to think about what your therapist would say because on some level that's developing your own self-reliance and insight into coping with any situations that may arise, which is the goal of therapy. But it sounds like this has consumed more of your time and energy than may be healthy.

It's understandable to make up these extensive conversations and dynamics in your head considering your experiences of having abusive parents and seemingly no support network. Imagining these sorts of scenarios in an extremely detailed way is consistent with the experiences of people with maladaptive daydreaming.

While what you're experiencing may be hard to manage on your own, there are a few things you can consider trying. This resource recommends getting adequate sleep and sunlight, as well as potentially documenting your symptoms to better understand your triggers and experiences. It also suggests to make sure to maintain your social life and confide in trusted friends about what you're going through, as developing a support network this way can help.

Although it's understandable why you may feel discouraged or reluctant to seek the guidance of a mental health professional considering that your previous therapist is the subject of these mental conversations, a therapist could provide needed support and help you work towards developing healthier habits and coping mechanisms. It's ultimately best to get the opinion of a professional.

If anyone has any suggestions or comments, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse

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cookinguptales · 2 years

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i wonder if guillermo himself is confused by his motivations this season. we’ve seen him question his life choices before - but each time, he’s only left for a short period of time, no more than a few weeks. maybe realising he’ll be apart from nandor for a much longer period of time (and staying in England for a reason we’re not yet privy to??) he told himself that he was over it - over those desires - until he believed it. after all, it would be painful to sustain that level of desire and codependency when it truly seems impossible for it to come to fruition, in a way it didn’t quite in the 12 years that came before. and we know guillermo doesn’t have the healthiest of coping mechanisms. might as well double down on the denial, just in a new way… but i also feel like it’s creeping back in now he’s back in the house. the best man stuff and baby colin, while believable, also seem like convenient excuses to stick around when he’s trying to justify it to his England self rather than his s3 self. i think the reason that “character development” happened off screen is because they’re going to dismantle it pretty quickly while (i hope) still keeping some of the changed dynamics between the vampire household. would it feel worse for that development to have happened over the course of the season only to be completely undermined in the last few episodes? idk but i’m very interested in the character undevelopment lmao. ultimately i love this season’s guillermo just as much as previous ones, but i understand the frustration also. i’m just desperate to know more about his time in England and while i understand why the writers seem to be keeping it quiet for now, i hope they don’t wait too many more episodes to reveal it. anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk, sorry about this ridiculously long ramble, and keep doing what you’re doing - your content is great 💜

Honestly, I'm also hoping for character undevelopment for the petty reason that I don't want Guillermo to get healthier and less codependent and more normal. I want our boy to be fucked up! I love it when he's crazy. lmao

My thought process is similar to yours, tbh. If I'm operating under the assumption that the writers are honoring Guillermo's character (which I must do to keep sane lmao) then I think that his time in the UK would have been very difficult for him. He was just offered the thing he wanted more than anything else in the world just to have it snatched away from him, then he was trapped in a box for at least a week. He gets out only to be left with Nadja, the one member of the household that doesn't respect or like him much at all.

He doesn't know it's only going to be for a year. As far as he knows, this might be forever. He might be stuck in this foreign country away from his family forever. He might be stuck guarding a vampire doing vampire grunt work forever. He might never see Nandor again. I thought it was fascinating that in the show and in interviews, they don't seem to count that year as being part of Guillermo's tenure as Nandor's familiar. They say 12 years as a familiar in the show, just like they did before he left. In interviews, Harvey says 11 years a familiar, 1 a bodyguard, but that's still a total of 12.

So it's a year that he's really just in limbo. I can see him starting to think, y'know, what am I doing with my life?

And then if he finds a guy that's actually interested in him who's not gallivanting all over the United States with some family from Wisconsin, you know... Maybe that's not a bad thing, to try and move on.

(I still have reservations about Freddie because... like, this is WWDITS and normal people aren't exactly in large supply. But that's a worry for another day.)

And he thinks he's done it, maybe. He really does think he's over Nandor and the others and the household and everything. But now he's back and he's slowly falling right back into his old habits. And it's harder to tell himself that nothing has changed and these people don't care about him because they obviously do. Nandor has clearly changed during his time abroad, and he's being really quite kind to Guillermo, for him. He's supporting his anger. He's acting as an intermediary between him and the others. He's praising him. He's listening to him. He's letting Guillermo in, which I think is very weird for them both.

I think it was kind of an odd choice, setting up this idea that Guillermo met a guy abroad who changed him so much, but then they're not even going to show him to us until the end of the season. They're giving Guillermo so much time away from him, and it does seem like Guillermo is already backsliding. He's already finding reasons to stay. He's definitely still got that anger to him, but he seems to be putting it aside in favor of love.

Like he still has plenty of reason to want to stake Laszlo right here and now, but he's learning to work together with him for the sake of Baby Colin. (Seeing both of them dancing at Colin's performance was cute.) And he was upset at Nandor for not waiting for him, I think, but now the two of them are straight-up plotting together and it's very cute.

I feel like I'd love for Guillermo to work through some of his anger with the vampires rather than some character we've never seen before. He deserves to have them acknowledge him and his power and how much they've hurt him over the years. Nandor's already starting that journey, I think, though I think he's still struggling with the idea that he was one of the ones who hurt Guillermo the most...

idk. I do go back and forth with Guillermo a lot and it's been consuming me this past week. lmao. I have my own hopes for him, obviously, but it's hard to know where they're going with this or why. It's so strange that they decided to give both Guillermo and Nandor love interests that span an entire season while like... almost never showing them. I assume we'll learn more about them both eventually, but for now they're such non-entities and the relationships don't feel organic at all. I'm trying to reserve some faith in the writers but like. Yeah, it's all definitely weird and kind of confusing.

#replies #wwdits s4 spoilers #wwdits tag #nandermo tag

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starvingpositivity · 1 year

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And here’s Nightmare for the AU.

Decided to give him a slight outfit that kind of is old fashioned... and a little inspired by the cannon redesign for Dream...

His story differs a bit from canon in that the original Nightmare is still alive and the one in control, and... the first apple was force fed to him by the villagers. He never meant to turn Dream into stone, and... he honestly wasn’t too interested in the golden apple, his instincts were more focused on making sure it was safe since... last golden apple. He at first didn’t realize it was Dream that had the apple and he had lashed out when it was eaten thinking it was a villager.

He should of wiped his good eye off to clear it up before he tried anything tbh.

Anyway, in the current time for the AU, he has Killer, Horror, Dust, and Cross in his little gang, no X-event, and they’re a bit of a found family cause I really like that trope.

His gang kind of affectionately bullied him into letting them know his own trauma and issues so they could try and help him like he did for them... so he has healthier coping mechanisms than Dream.

#Nightmare Sans #Dreamtale #undertale au #utmv #utmv au #starving positivity au

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neotrances · 2 years

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I dont care about the drama rn Im here for ocs POST PAROUSIA (Im being lighthearted sorry hi Tyler)

HIII sure!! i don’t have a lot of um. content that im like happy with rn tbh but i made a post earlier today that said “for every goliath there is a stone” and that was about syr and his title as the “rolling stone” ! gonna out a read more !

syrs tag in my aesthetic blog is called “the rolling stone gathers no moss” bc throughout parousias plot he is running away from his past and refusing to stay anywhere long enough to really reconcile with the abuse he endured, and thinks he can keep moving on with life without ruminating on all that made him who he is, which isn’t possible nor healthy,

his father myster, would be considered the “goliath” the all knowing all powerful most worshipped mortal in the land, syr doesn’t consider himself an equal to his father at all for a majority of the story, and thinks his father is untouchable, but just as a stone can make a giant fall to its knees, one son can bring down his tyrant father, but only if he realizes the power he wields and understands the value of self love and faces and really dwells on what his childhood was like, he needs to “gather moss”whether that be a community of friends, healthier coping mechanisms, or connecting with the land, he cannot be “apart” of the growing forest if he keeps rolling, he can never find peace if he doesn’t allow it into his heart especially if he keeps using his anger as a crutch to push people he cares about away, most of his anger is grief that he hasn’t learned to swallow….um anyways i could talk more about syrs character but here’s some misc doodles of him and propin!!

i wanted syr and propin to look really alike bc he sort of takes on her role as the god of love during her absence, becoming the leader the land needs etc, also i have some actually mostly finished propin + perodi digital doodles but those aren’t really related to syr so i can probably put those under a diff ask !

#parousia #✉️

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arsenicxarcana · 2 years

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Q about the Elder Goat from THD AU:

What is the biggest difference between him and the rest of multiverse goat flock?

related to this post - his loyalty to mc, for one

even though they've said there IS no debt, it's still there in his mind, and he would do literally anything for them up to and including putting himself in mortal danger

(which tbh he's sorta inclined to do so in his own route but this one's pathetic and misguided about it, like a knockoff julian)

mc will likely never find the limits of this bc they're not that kind of person, which is probably the only silver lining for him bc he knows literally any other choice for an ally would

also it gives him something to fixate on that's not the whole, Situation, which isn't much healthier but lmao healthy coping mechanisms are for civilized people

which comes with other, more uncomfortable fixations he's not sure how to deal with

#the arcana #lucio #post banishment lucio #taming him down #taming him down AU #i may not be able to properly explore this in the fic but it's There

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giaourtopita · 3 years

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Hello! I’m a sucker for that sweet angst and I’m sorry in advance!😭So can I request the brothers with an Mc who has a few months to live because of an illness they were born with? How do they send their time with Mc? How do they react when Mc dies?

mc dies due to a congenital disease

first of all, thank you for requesting!! i didn't really expect a request tbh. and i really hope i did this justice, i even started listening to a sad playlist to get even more in the mood to write this!! i hope you'll like it <333

warnings; gn mc, angst, death, unhealthy habits, sad just so sad, slight medical talk, alcohol used as a coping mechanism but not to an unhealthy amount, lesson 35-36 spoilers in asmo's and beel's part, lesson 16 spoilers in belphie's part.

(first of all i would like to say that none of them would react well but all of them would try to spend as much time as possible with mc)

lucifer

- would not believe them at first, he would think this is just belphie and satan playing a sick joke on him.

- believes it only after seeing the mc talking to doctors and trying to find a course of treatment.

- throws himself into work, trying to convince himself the situation will resolve itself.

- once he comes to term with it, he would try to spend as much time as possible with them

- he would take them to as many new places he can, and try to give them many new experiences before it happens.

- would even ask barbatos if he can go back in time to find them a cure.

- when the inevitable happens he thinks his father is the one to blame, it's his fault for everything. them falling, lilith dying and now this. "why can't he just leave us alone?".

- throws himself into work again but only this time he's working so hard his brothers and friends had to talk some sense to him.

- diavolo gives him some time to pull himself together, and because he has so much time on his hands, he locks himself in the comfort of his room and drinks to feel just so he can stop feeling for a little while.

- only gets better when he sees mammon trying to take care of him and be responsible with money and around the house.

mammon

- "mc you're joking right? you're my human, you can't die! ya hear me?"

- he would be attached at the mc's hips. even starts staying in their room to watch them.

- acts like he's fine when they're around but when he's alone he gets overwhelmed, he can't imagine how his life will be after mc is gone.

- also gets mad at his father "why do you hate us so much?" *he yells at the sky while sobbing*

-he's so frustrated with this situation because who will be nice to him when mc is gone?

- will try to get the witches to help him but it's a lost cause, there's no cure magical or not.

- when it happens, he blames himself. he blames himself because he failed to help them, even tho they always helped him.

- his scheming will get insufferable, he will try to get as much grimm as he can so he can buy things that remind him of the mc.

- he hoards all those things he buys all around the house actually. and if anyone anyone tries to throw those things away he gets agitated and turns into his demon form to fight them.

- will get better once he sees levi trying to pick all the things mammon left in his room.

leviathan

- "what? why? no, you can't die! stupid normie, you can't just leave me all alone like that" ... "we need more time!"

- he feels useless because there's nothing he can do, "the lord of shadows would have find a way to help his henry".

- hates it when his brothers take away the mc from him and starts throwing tantrums when they're not around, the rest of the brothers can't imagine how it will be in the future.

- tries to go outside more with them so he has memories with them that don't include sitting in his room and watching anime, those times he went outside he actually appreciated being there.

- also makes them stay in his room, they sleep in his arms and he starts sleeping in his demon form, wrapping his tail around the mc so they can't go anywhere, he knows this is pointless.

- still tries to watch as much anime as possible but when a character he likes dies, he finds himself sobbing like a baby not because he's sad for the character but because he knows this will happen to his henry.

- when they pass away he feels numb, he did all the crying when they were still there with him, he becomes an even bigger shut-in doesn't want to meet any new people especially not humans, not because he hates them but because they remind him of the mc.

- the only reason he leaves his room is to go swimming, he does that even more than he used to. his younger brothers were worried but lucifer thinks this is a healthier alternative to anything else he could do.

- is so angry at his father that he threatens war to the celestial realm using the devildom's navy.

- only got better when lucifer tried to reason him, he knows the mc wouldn't want him to do that but he doesn't know what else to do or how to mourn the human.

satan

- does not believe them, they look healthy to him so what are they talking about?? only believes them when they start talking about symptoms or he sees the symptoms himself.

- starts looking for a magical remedy to make them feel better, or even a cure. but it's no use, he can't find anything helpful other than pain relief magic. he even asks solomon but he wasn't able to give him something useful to work with.

- reads to them books about characters who feel how he feels because he can't bring himself to actually tell them how awful he is feeling.

- tries to spend as much time as possible with them even if it's for the silliest, most insignificant things there are.

- is barely able to keep himself together, he gets agitated by the smallest things you can imagine.

- after their death he feels as if a big part of his identity vanished, he feels how he used to feel about himself before he made up with lucifer and he hates that.

- going to a cat cafe or a library don't cheer him up as much as they used to, he just wishes to be with them and nothing else.

- is angry at himself and at god. he's angry at himself because even tho he knows so many things he wasn't able to save them and he's angry at god because everything is his fault.

- asmo suggests he writes a book about them and their shared memories, since he loved them and he loves books satan finds this idea excellent, however it doesn't help much because whenever he starts writing he gets so into it that he neglects himself.

- is able to kinda pull himself together when he sees lucifer bringing him a cat for emotional support, they both know this is not a permanent solution but it will help him cope for now.

asmodeus

minor lesson 35 spoiler!!

- "what?? no no no!! this isn't happening mc!! we will find a solution i promise!"

- asks solomon and his fans to help but there's nothing they can do to help.

- buys them as many pretty outfits he can and takes photos of them to remember.

- is actually the first one to accept what is going to happen, after all he's used to losing the people that he loves, some leave due to jealousy and others die.

- does even more sleepovers in his room with the mc so they can have lots of fun together, even if this situation is very sad he tries to be positive and make the best memories he can with them

- though he still looks cheerful, he's so sad internally he doesn't know what to do after his mc is gone. he feels as if he won't be the same without them because he's one of the very few people who didn't care about his looks and loved him for him, he will miss this feeling so much that he's trying cling onto it as much as time allows him to.

- after it happens, he is also numb. not because he grieved before they died but because he tries to shut down his feelings by indulging in his sin, going clubbing and spoiling himself even more than before.

- though none if the above are as fun now that he can't do them with them, he gets to the point where he stops listening to lucifer and starts talking to everyone in a sarcastic tone.

- clings to solomon because even though he knows that solomon can't die, he can't help but feel like he needs to. solomon was able to talk some sense to him after lucifer told him about his behaviour. gets better when his brothers start aggressively pointing out his awful behaviour and how much they care about him and his well-being.

beelzebub

lesson 36 spoiler!!

- "NO! this can't be happening again! you stole lilith from us and now you're doing it again with mc!" *is sobbing while yelling*

- will also camp in their room to watch them and spend time with them.

- will take them to every single one of his games, and will try to take as many pictures as possible.

- takes them to every restaurant he knows of and makes them do taste testing, he notes everything they like in a cookbook, filled with every food the mc likes, and makes it for them when they're hungry.

- sad that there's nothing he can do to help and even sadder that mc was always able to help him when he needed to.

- feels guilty about this situation because mc had to use their life essence, their already limited amount of time, to save his life.

- he cuddles them to sleep, but most of the time it's not because they need it. he actually does it because he needs it and mc knows this.

- when mc passes away he goes out of control, always going on a rampage when someone from his team mentions how he's a free demon without a pact now, he misses mc so much.

- he is constantly in a bad mood and sometimes he's so sad that he forgets to eat even if he's starving.

- only starts to pull himself together when belphie tries to take care of him by cooking and forcing him to eat when he doesn't at least try to eat the most important meals of the day.

belphegor

lesson 16 spoiler!!

- "did lucifer made you say this? i know our last prank was a bit over the top but this is inappropriate" mc explains to him while showing him their test results.

- drags them to attic and cuddles them while yelling and sobbing, not wanting to believe it.

- he would stay awake more than his normal self so they can spend more time together, even if it's just cuddling or talking.

- he tries to find a spell to at least make them live a little longer, but it's hopeless there's nothing he can do.

- also feels guilty, not only does mc get to experience their death for the second time but so do his brothers.

- clings onto them as much as he can.

- when they die it's like he falls into a coma, when people try to wake him up he doesn't even flinch it's like he wants to be in a coma.

- has made it so that he gets such vivid dreams that he can visit mc in them and that's the reason he won't wake up.

- wakes up when he hears beel cry about him, mc and lilith. tries to get over it for beel.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me headcanons #obey me angst #i broke my heart so many times trying to write this

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danhoemei · 3 years

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What do you think of the reconciliation of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng that is confirmed (post canon) in Lan Wangji's letter?

Tbh I just learnt something new from you anon lmao.

First of all, let's establish the post canon here, as I found that it's from cql. I come from the novel so I had no idea about it.

Although all adaptations spring from the same source, all of them have smaller or bigger differences and divergences. Thus, it's not that easy to say what is "canon" here, e.g. something that happens in the drama doesn't mean that it's canon for the novel as well, and the other way around, and as I've seen so far both are quite different in some aspects, maybe even with a few contradictions.

Another thing is the source of the information. For me the strongest will always be the source material, and additional bits of information from interviews, author's posts etc. can be treated with less weight. I had experiences in other fandoms or media where the author started spewing nonsense out of spite, or literally contradicted what was in the original story, so since then I take additional bits added post-release as a free candy which I can take or not.

Now, coming back to mdzs's adaptations. The manhua and donghua are considerably close to the novel, so I consider the novel as the scroll of truth here. However, when it comes to the drama I kind of think of it as an alternate version with its own rights, and I personally pretty much separate these two. So I'd say that the letter could be treated as canon for cql, but not necessarily for the novel.

So now the question is, do I take this candy?

Gods in all heavens, heck yes.

Even though I treat all adaptations more or less separate, there are certain parts which I will fiercely headcanon no matter what, in all of them. And one of these things is that yunmeng bros need each other and will gravitate towards each other whether they want it or not. Initially, the main reason could be only jin ling. They love him and care about him, so even if both of them avoided each other they would still have this connection and possibly bump into each other from time to time. Jin ling is the last part of their family who they loved very much, but both of them are also these last bits of it. And it is very clear how strong a family instinct they have. Yunmeng is also wwx's home, where he grew up and what he longed for many times, no matter how much time passed. He would want to come back there from time to time, even if he was thrown away from lotus pier. What about jiang cheng, who threw him out? Even when he shouted at wwx to leave (before the whole golden core revelation), to me it seemed like another thing he spouted in the heat of the moment when his emotions and grievances took reins, as he instantly froze and tried to stop wwx who complied and turned away. So I don't imagine him taking excessive steps to keep wwx away later on, especially after his approach changed quite significantly towards the end, even towards wen ning who he initially hated with every fiber of his being.

And don't get me wrong - I don't see them as sweet bros longing for each other who just need to sit down once and talk and it'll be dandy. They have a ton of issues (mostly on jiang cheng’s side) and unspoken secrets between each other which are not easy to disclose but which hold them back very significantly. Mostly jiang cheng needs to change for this to happen, let his thick as hell walls drop a bit to be less on guard and be more open, and stop constantly hurting others because of his lack of control and toxic coping mechanisms. All that stems from childhood trauma, severe inferiority complex, pathological parents who didn't give him support and love he needed. But not one thing from these justifies his behaviour and how he compensates or lashes out when anything triggers him. Still, in the root of his being is love and care for his family, which could be seen so many times when he made sacrifices in order to protect his loved ones or the whole sect, each time when he's overprotective of jin ling, also each time he helped wwx despite being very vocal about the opposite. He's a contradictory character with tons of issues, which he unfortunately takes out on others.

So their reconciliation in my eyes is not gonna be easy and fast. It's a long and bumpy road, began with a long period of absence from each other's lives, then featuring arguments or clashes, unsaid feelings, secrets, and sacrifices finally spilling (probably in shouting voices and tears). I like to think that with time jiang cheng could mature emotionally and learn to be healthier, not only thanks to being surrounded by people who love him and care for him, but also because maybe those people could open his eyes on his behaviour and teach him a bit. As jin ling grows older, he could get bolder and more confident, and say what he doesn’t like about his uncle’s way of being or treating others. I also like to imagine wwx being more direct in his grievances or reproaches and basically being done with jiang cheng’s bs, because he is now happy, with lwj by his side, and may learn to prioritise himself instead of constantly giving to others and sacrificing himself and his own comfort. If jiang cheng is like that then why should wwx deal with him, if he doesn't feel like it? So what if it's jiang cheng who needs to swallow his pride and finally make the first move, if he actually wants any kind of contact with his brother? Maybe there is a banquet at yunmeng after a long time passes, and he invites wwx. Maybe it doesn’t go so well but later on they still keep bumping into each other and having smaller or bigger conversations, maybe meanwhile jin ling gets involved in something and they collaborate to help him. Bit by bit, I like to think that they both slowly (and finally) learn and understand each other more. And that at some point they'd be like a true and close family, not the one they were - something different, more grown up and mature. That they can travel to each other, have casual conversations and goof around, maybe steal some lotus pods together again, but this time with more mirth and fun than those competitive teenage years way back.

I just... want these two to be happy and there for each other ;__; They lost so much, but they still have each other and I don’t want them to forget that as well, especially when they clearly have so much love and care in them ;___;

So yes, I am very much into taking the letter as a general canon for me, because this is already what I headcanoned anyway ;d

And just a reminder! This is all my own self indulgent headcanon based on my interpretation of these characters and their relationship (rather from the novel’s perspective, I can’t talk with confidence about the drama). Take what you want from it, or don’t take anything at all. These are stories made for us to enjoy and reflect on, not fight or spread hate over, so go wild with your imagination and headcanons, enjoy and have fun <3

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gallavichsbitch · 2 years

Note

Not too late at all! Friday still lives and so do we here are some questions!

1) How does it feel to be a legit genius? I have thought about your photoshop gallavich gifset every day this week. How did you even come up with that?

2) If you were sick or indisposed, what would someone put in a care package to help you feel better?

3) Do you recover from things quickly? Or do you get knocked hard and have to lay in the mud for a little while?

😊 👀

hi howl!

1. thank you sm omg that means a lot to me <33 i was practicing my giffing and i was just looking around at all of the tools to see if there were any i could use and i saw top edges 👀. so from there i was like hmm. anyway i looked on tumblr to see if anyone had any ideas similar to mine and then that gif set was created 😌

2. hot chocolate is a must when i’m sick, it makes me feel all warm inside. also cheese toasties. i can’t really think of anything else ahah.

3. i’m one of those ppl who bottles things up and pretends that nothing bothers me. eventually i can move on but tbh i think i need to find another coping mechanism which is healthier 💀💀

#question friday #asks #howlinchickhowl

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sweetsassymusic · 3 years

Text

The Long Kaz Rant I Told Myself I Wouldn’t Write, But Here We Are

This is probably an unpopular opinion. And I hope it doesn't come across as confrontational or anything because I don't mean it that way. But I've always been super confused by the way Kaz is accepted, basically across the entire fandom, as either morally gray or straight up villainous? He doesn’t really seem like either of those things to me. On a surface level, obviously there are things he’s done that are normally considered evil. He’s stolen, he’s killed, he threatened a child, he gouged out someone’s eye. And that’s all pretty bad, right? But it completely ignores the context given in the books. (More after the cut because this got too long...)

There’s a difference between doing something evil and doing something that’s shocking, “dark,” or difficult to watch.

Before I read the books, I heard fans discuss all the horrible things Kaz does. And the way people talk about him, I was expecting him to be… Feral Kaz – someone who delights in doing horrible things because he’s just so twisted and angry. The author herself even referred to him on her blog as being utterly despicable. Wow! This guy must really go out of his way to hurt innocent people, huh? So when I sat down to actually read it, I was so surprised. Most (if not all?) the killings were done on some level of self-defense. His “murder victims” were actual evil people trying to kill him or someone he loved. And the reason he threatened a child was because the only alternative was killing her – something he would never want to do. You know, because he’s not evil.

I don’t know if I just have very different definitions of these terms than most people? But to me, the idea of Kaz being “utterly despicable” should not even be on the table to begin with (Leigh Bardugo, you good?) and even the idea of him being “morally gray” is questionable.

When I think of a morally good character, I don’t think of someone who never does anything questionable or always perfectly makes the correct choices. I think of someone who is on a mission–either to protect the world, a loved one, or simply pursuing a personal goal–who at least tries to conduct his mission in a way that either does no harm to others, or (when that’s not possible) does as little harm as necessary to get the job done.

Whereas, when I think of a villainous character, I think of someone who has no regard for others at all. Someone who either relishes in harming the innocent, or pays zero consideration to whether he harms innocents while pursuing his goals (which are usually, in themselves, harmful to innocent people).

And finally, when I think of a morally gray character, I think of someone directly between these two. Someone who is a little bit evil, a little bit sadistic, but not entirely evil. He’s got a few good points too. Maybe he’s someone who keeps switching sides, unsure if he wants to be a hero or villain. Maybe he has hurt a lot of innocent people unnecessarily, but he joins in with the good guys for personal gain, and people don’t mind him there simply because he doesn’t interfere with the protagonist’s goals. Or maybe he’s the “Bad Cop” to someone else’s Good Cop: someone who uses more violence than is necessary, just for fun, but still helps the good side in some capacity, so everyone chooses to look past it.

Under these definitions, Kaz (to me) seems more like a good character. While pursuing his personal goals, he protects people he loves, and yes, he does do “dark” things. But he doesn’t relish in doing them (despite his reputation in-universe of being a chaotic sadist. His reputation is not accurate; he invented it for his own protection). He does them because he has to. If he can get the job done right without hurting anyone, that’s the route he’ll take. But that option isn’t always available. And he’s not the type to lie down and die just to avoid getting his hands dirty (nor should he, imo).

Again, maybe I just have a different idea of what constitutes being morally gray. But I always thought it was meant to be a judgment on the choices you make when you actually HAVE a choice? A morally gray character has the choice to be good or evil, and they choose to do both (which one depending on how they feel that day).

Whereas, if you do something “bad” because circumstances force you to do it–because you or someone you love will die otherwise–that’s pretty much the same as having a gun to your head. You’re not morally gray. You’re doing it under duress. It’s survival, not a reflection of where you stand on moral topics. Like, if you trap a vegan in a room with only a piece of meat, and you leave them there for days, weeks, that person doesn’t suddenly become a “fake vegan” if they eat that meat to avoid literally starving to death. You forced them to do it. When it comes to their moral beliefs, they would still be a vegan if they had the freedom to make that choice. You just put them in a situation where those choices aren’t available to them. Your lack of freedom in a situation shouldn’t define you.

The same can be said for placing a starving, homeless orphan boy alone in the dog-eat-dog world of Ketterdam. The option of being a sweet little law-abiding citizen is not available to him. So is it really fair to define him by something in which he had no choice?

I’ve come across so many GrishaVerse fans who, while sipping on their Starbucks in the comfort of their own home, go “Ugh, Kaz. He’s so DARK, so EVIL!” (Fun fact: while my mom was watching the show, she said Kaz is evil because “he seems to always have a plan.” Oh no! Not PLANS!) “He must be some kind of monster to be able to do the things he does and still live with himself! I could NEVER do those things!” Well…you’ve never actually had to do those things? Your life has never depended on it? Idk, to me, it’s just a very privileged take. And I’m not trying to make this into a big social issue. It’s not like criticism against a fictional character is anywhere near the same level of importance as the issues marginalized people are facing in real life. I’m just saying, it’s very easy to condemn activity you’ve never been forced to engage in for your own survival.

One of the biggest reasons people have given me for why they think Kaz is evil is that he is “for himself.” Even the author said she thinks Kaz is worse than the Darkling (who, I’ve gotten the impression, she believes to be irredeemable) because the Darkling has communal goals (he wants to bring positive change for other people/the world at large) while Kaz’s goals are just personal (he wants to bring positive change for himself and only himself). And for one? It just isn’t true: many (if not most) of the things Kaz does is either for his Crows or for his late brother; he just disguises it with supposed self-interest for the sake of his reputation. And second? It’s…not actually wrong to have personal goals or to act in self-interest. Bettering your own life is a valid desire. It’s not the same as being selfish. Not everything you do has to be for other people.

(And, tbh, this is something Leigh Bardugo seems to have a problem with in general, not just in this scenario. I could write a whole separate rant about other characters that were demonized in-narrative for engaging in “too much” self-care, and how her unforgivingly black and white morality ruined the Shadow and Bone trilogy for me. Worst of all, she even seemed to imply recently that the only reason real-life antisemitism is wrong is because “the Jews didn’t fight back”? [Like, if they had met her criteria of “fighting back”, would that make antisemitism somewhat justified to her? What? Idek, but she should really clarify.] Basically, she seems to take “non-selfishness” to an extreme. I don’t know her personally, I don’t want to make assumptions, I don’t have anything personal against her, and I’m not trying to get her cancelled or anything, I promise. But please, when you read her books, please don’t accept all her ideas at face value, because there’s some Weird Shit™ in there sometimes.)

Anyway, another reason people say Kaz is bad or morally gray is that he wants revenge. “Revenge is a bad coping mechanism! You should want JUSTICE! Not REVENGE!” And again, this argument is wild to me. I mean, yes, there are situations–especially in real life, modern, western contexts–where revenge is a bad coping mechanism someone has developed, and transforming their anger into a desire for justice is a way for them to overcome that and express their anger in a healthier way. But that’s a very specific scenario. When we’re talking generally, the line between revenge and justice is a lot thinner than people think (and in some scenarios, there is no line at all).

For example, real life victims and their families often say they can’t wait to see the perpetrator rot in prison, even wishing (sometimes even fantasizing) that the guy gets abused in prison by fellow inmates. For them, justice and revenge are wrapped up together in one big court-issued sentence. And while some people find that disturbing or take issue with it, it’s…generally considered valid outrage? This guy is evil and hurt them, so it’s okay for these people to want him to suffer. And most importantly, these people called the cops instead of taking matters into their own hands, therefore they’re Good, right? They’re good citizens who obey and rely on the established authority, therefore they are handling their anger in an Acceptable™ way?

But in the world of Ketterdam, if someone has victimized you, or is trying to kill you or someone you love, you can’t just call the fucking cops (and let’s be honest, looking at irl cops, it’s a questionable idea here too sometimes). If we’re analyzing Kaz’s outrage and how he handles it, we have to analyze it in the context of where he lives, not where we live. We have options in our lives that Kaz doesn’t have. So we have to ask, what are the most productive steps he could realistically take in his world?

I see activists and bloggers on websites like this, publicly fantasizing about gouging the eyes out of certain politicians and right-wing figureheads. And they would probably do it for real if they could. On Tumblr and Twitter, this is generally considered righteous anger. The politicians are evil, so it’s okay to hurt them, right? That’s how the logic goes, anyway (I know some will disagree, but it’s a common take here). Well, imagine if, instead of just being a bigot, one of these evil people personally stabbed–possibly killed–your girlfriend. And there were no cops to call, no news stations or social media to turn to, to show people what this guy did. No authority or community on your side. No way to ensure this guy faced consequences for his actions. There’s just you, your dying girlfriend, your helplessness, your anger. What would be the appropriate way to handle this situation, so you were acting out of justice instead of revenge? What does “justice” even mean in a world like that? It’s a world where either you hurt others or you lie down and just let others keep hurting those you love (which, in itself, would be evil). I can’t think of any “appropriate” response Kaz could take. Which, for better or worse, is probably why he just went for the eye. You probably would too in that context. Are you morally gray? I doubt it.

It’s really weird to me how people seem to hold Kaz to this high standard of absolute Moral Purity, but they don’t hold other characters to it. Like, was the dad on Taken being “feral” or “morally gray” when he told his daughter’s kidnapper that “I will find you and I will kill you” and then pursued him with fury? His motivations were personal and not communal. He was coming from a place of revenge, just as much as justice. But most people consider him a hero. He’s not controversial or “dark.” There are plenty of other heroes who do terrible things (sometimes to innocent people! Even when it’s not even necessary!) for the “greater good” or just because it’s convenient. People call them a “badass” and then turn around and say Kaz is just “bad.” Idk, it just seems really arbitrary the way people draw these lines.

If we’re expanding the definition of “morally gray” to include anyone who’s ever done anything questionable, made a mistake, been forced to do something they wouldn’t normally do, done something for personal reasons instead of for the world at large, or wanted revenge for something, then there literally are no heroes in fiction (except maybe a few cardboard cutouts) or in real life.

(Ironically, the most morally gray thing Kaz does, imo, is something most people don’t even have a problem with: the fact he runs a gambling house to “take money from pigeons.” And even that is really mild [no one is forcing the “pigeons” to gamble their money away]. But yeah, that’s one of the few instances I could think of where he actually hurt innocent people unnecessarily. That and the time, as a kid, where he stole candy from that other kid...and even that might be mostly-but-not-entirely excused by the fact he was starving to death. But yeah.)

#Kaz Brekker #Shadow and Bone #grishaverse #tw: antisemitism #Grisha #my meta

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reversecreek · 3 years

Text

snickers feverishly at myself for bringing in a 5th... who do i think i am? unstoppable? invincible? suddenly ripples my titanium plated pecs. maybe so. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here.

* margaret qualley, cis female + she/her | you know bradley milligan, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to looking for knives by dyan like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole snow angels trampled through by your father’s footprints, casually reading a newspaper that’s catching flame & stubbing a cigarette against the wing mirror of a parked cop car thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 11th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her )

HISTORY:

bradley has this memory of meeting her grandmother for the first time n everything in the room was frozen still. even the air. she didn’t feel like she cld move n she got the impression this is how it’d always been in the milligan lineage. the only thing that was allowed to act of it’s own accord was her grandmother’s eyes as she tracked every slightest flinch of muscle. when her father left the room her grandmother reached out and took bradley’s hand n bradley looked at this like it was smthn she’d never seen before until her grandmother leaned close and all she could stare at was a nicotine stain on one of her front teeth. “he’s cold, isn’t he? he’s always been cold. i don’t think he’s mine.” bradley could tell from how tight she held her hand that he was. she could tell by the way she smiled as she said it, too. the way she felt obliged to smile back.

growing up in a huge white house in aquila drive w pruned hedges sounds idyllic n looks it too. swanky cars w tinted windows in the long driveway. always men filing in and out under the cloak of night wearing expensive suits n smiles worthy of a politician’s billboard. bradley’s mum alyssa thought so too n that’s hw she got into this whole mess tbh. tony milligan is very good at advertising. he cld package a jarred human heart as strawberry jam and convince u to spread it on ur toast if he wanted to. he could make u smile politely as u ate ur own.

alyssa ws this very pretty blonde kind of mysterious presence in a room. everyone wanted to kno her story or fk her but noone rly treated her like a person more just like a puzzle to solve. john green syndrome alert..... literally manic pixie dream girled bt on turbo charge. there were vague whispers she’d run away from home when she appeared in town out of nowhere bt nothing concrete. tony decided he wanted to crack the case n once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. they wound up embroiled in a whirlwind romance. head over heels. he came at romance hard and fast as a freight train. alyssa knew he was into shady things but not quite the full extent of it n honestly she didn’t care bc she wanted security n a family to call her own n tony promised that. they were married within a year.

tony came frm money bt he wanted to carve his own path n make his own legacy. destined fr greatness he’d tell her. we’re destined for greatness. it sounds nice doesn’t it! alyssa thought so too.

(drugs mention tw) slowly over the yrs he essentially forged his own crime organisation tht only grew. he opened a strip club down the seedier side of irving called ‘no angels’ n this became the front thru which his gang ran drugs in the back (predominantly coke n they pride themselves fr having a Superior Blend apparently) as well as laundering cash n this also was kind of their home base to hang

(abuse tw) their marriage increasingly lost it’s shine n alyssa came to realise she’d been sold a lie n she didn’t rly know this person or what he was capable of right around the time bradley was born. by then it was kind of like Wow i am rly in this n there is not an exit door huh. i won’t go into details bt things were not good at all. bradley witnessed n experienced a lot of things she shouldn’t have growing up. she didn’t understand why other kids drew home in all these different coloured crayons like they were bright places to be. she didn’t understand why everyone got so excited when the bell rang at the end of the day bc she just felt sick. she rationalised tht this was normal when she was younger bc sometimes kids talked abt the monsters under their beds giving them nightmares n she thought mayb they were talking abt their dads too. as she got older she realised tht actually her world wasn’t the same as anyone else’s n she also realised no-one wld ever be able to tell her why. she started becoming friends with the angry feeling in her chest tht she used to try and swallow around this time. often she’d wander the mall for a while to put off going home. smoke on random park benches. watch trains rattle thru town from the vantage point of a random rooftop.

(abuse, missing person implied, murder implied & grief tw) when bradley was 12 she woke up and all of her mum’s clothes were gone frm their drawers. no shoes anywhere. a framed photo of them at the beach holding bradley as a baby vanished from over the mantelpiece. when bradley asked her dad what was going on, tony essentially said “it was exhausting her. being here. being your mother. she didn’t want to do it any more, so now she’s gone” n then he hugged her. little details leaked into the mix over the yrs. at one point tony dismissed her as having flown overseas to a foreign country to drink in the sun like she’d always wanted even tho alyssa always told bradley she liked the snow best (once she even walked outside as it fell in a thin lace nightgown when tony was out n when bradley said “mom you’re gonna get cold” she only tugged her down and made her do snow angels until her lips looked blue). the most significant memory bradley can never shake from her head is her mother cupping a yellow tulip at the park n saying she hated them. when bradley asked why she only turned and smiled at her as she stroked the hair from her face n then said “because they look so happy”. after bradley’s mum vanished a long flower bed at the bottom of the garden was suddenly overrun with dozens of freshly planted yellow tulips. whenever bradley looked at them out of her window she got this sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach like she was visiting a cemetery. she suspected what had happened to her mum (especially as rumours circulated within tony’s organisation abt alyssa being unfaithful with someone tht used to work fr him) bt she cld never bring herself to truly accept it. thus she ws stuck in this strange purgatory state of not-quite-anger at her mum for “leaving” and not-quite-grief.

bradley rly started to transgress in school after her mum was gone. alyssa was always kind of a character when she’d pick bradley up (wasn’t doing well n acted kind of ‘eccentric’ i suppose u cld say) so tony managed to spin it all as a child acting out in the wake of an unfit mother uprooting n abandoning. bradley became........ interesting. JKHGFSSKJGHFSGHSKFGHFG. she’d snap n resort to violence very easily. very desensitised to it. students were kind of scared of her tbh. as this progressed into proper high school she got in w the more rowdy popular crowd solely bc she was so fking.... wild for lack of a better word. rly would just do anything fr the thrill. had no sense of ‘i shouldn’t do this bc it’s dangerous’. partied harder than anyone. bit back harder than anyone. no filter. hung w a lot of guys honestly bc they had less morals n either found her scariness cool or wanted to fk <3

(hospitalisation, depression & drugs tw) she’s had. a few stints in psychiatric institutions fr various reasons tbh. missed a small chunk of her senior yr fr this but it wasn’t widely known just kind of rumoured. she showcases a lot of similar symptoms to her mum who struggled w severe depression (which was difficult to cope w when ur husband was often pouring ur prescription down the drain fr kicks) n in order to compensate fr the lows she takes a lot of things to kick them into highs. drinks n snorts too much. bradley i love u bt i’m begging u to seek healthier coping mechanisms......

as the yrs went on (especially once alyssa had gone) tony rly started trying to integrate bradley into the business side of things...... she literally. is named bradley bc he was expecting a boy n he was like well let’s still call her bradley. n had in mind she’d still fulfil the role he wanted her to of being his little protege so to speak.... both sexist n ugly all in one fell swoop...... an example of this is he literally. bought her a mint green switchblade for her 14th birthday n named it tinkerbell bc it would “die without attention” aka using it. tht sounds like a healthy gift to give a child tony congratulations sis <3

in an ideal world bradley wld have gone to uni to study psychology bc she jst wants to know how the fk her dad is literally like that bt she probably stuck around n is now managing no angels along with billy n marco (billy’s in her dad’s gang n is, u guessed it, a cunt, n marco is his sort of right hand man so to speak) bc tony’s in the closest neighbouring city overseeing a second ‘no angels’ opening up there to expand into a franchise n widen their income margins. bradley wld also be sort of used as a honey trap type deal once she got older if they needed to lure ppl places n sometimes still is bt it depends. the guys in the club all know not to mess w bradley bc she’s tony’s daughter n literally kind of scary herself sometimes bt there’s also this certain allure tht comes with being the boss’ daughter n it kind of comes across in how they act or talk abt her. yes i will kill them all n no i won’t feel bad abt it <3

think that’s kind of all u need to kno history wise... blinks one eye out of sync w the other..... runs to personality

PERSONALITY:

a phrase i wld always use to describe bradley in old intros is “like a cup of black coffee with one grain of sugar that u don’t taste until the last sip”. also dark chocolate. lime. liquorice. she’s an acquired taste n i feel like u either love her or u hate her.

cannot express how unpredictably chaotic she is..... frequently throws a drink in a stranger’s face jst to start something bc she’s bored. loves to hurl cheese slices across the room so they slap onto someone’s face out of nowhere. likes smashing things. stubbing cigarettes out on faces in framed family photographs. will literally pick a lock n then smash the window besides it to defeat the whole purpose just bc she found how neat it was boring. does anything fr the adrenaline n thrill. gets into far too many fights n fights dirty. probably been thrown out of every bar in town at least three times. banned from a bunch too.

she’s witty bt she has a dark sense of humour..... can be quite mean.......... loves to roast ppl for no reason........ honestly has some nathan young frm misfits aspects in that sense like jst seems untouchable emotionally n like she doesn’t take anything seriously n is fking outrageous about it.....

has this quality abt her tht kind of scares herself sometimes. it’s like she recognises parts of her dad in her. she’s very perceptive (bc she’s had to be over the yrs trying to read every micro-expression of her dad’s to predict what’s next) n like emotionally intelligent in a way which is ironic bc her own emotions r just an absolute minefield.... bt. she can read people quite well. gets this eerily calm look abt her sometimes n it’s jst like god what’s. she thinking. what’s she’s gna do. i’m shaking. a cool n controlled kind of rage can often be scarier than the explosive type n bradley does that well. grits my teeth n tugs on my collar....

very strong on the surface. hates being vulnerable. has this ingrained idea that crying is childish or rly any kind of emotional display within herself. 50% not taking things seriously 50% angry. tht’s how she comes across....... internally? whole different story. bt ppl don’t see that.

very cavalier abt some things. will flash her tits n not even think abt it. jst very out there...... one of her closest friends is a homeless man named joe who wears neon purple fishnets on his head n loves to spit on ppl from over an underpass. finds eccentric ppl like this funny n surrounds herself w them. loves to be kept on her toes.

LOVES driving stolen cars down the wrong side of the highway. it’s a lot.

fiercely loyal to a fault to a select few bt if u wrong her personally this can switch pretty quick. quite a force to b reckoned w n will hold a grudge. bt like. if ur a Chosen One she’d bury a body for u no questions asked.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

deals to u: bradley isn’t like full time into dealing bt she does do it sometimes.... treats it kind of like a hobby bc the lesser ranked can do tht shit as far as she’s concerned bt.. sometimes also jst gets bored n is like. why not. might be chaotic. mayb they’ll try to rob me <3 we love the thrill <3 or like..... if ur friends w her she’ll deal to u n no she will not do a friends discount <3 or if she does there will definitely be some sort of stipulation attached <3

high skl crew: if ur muse is local n ws an absolutely demonic hell spawn in high skl tht went to 1974547254 parties n was outrageously chaotic n rude then. bradley probably was friends w them <3 her friendships tend to be surface level bt they’d definitely go out a bunch bt whether they actually knew a lot abt her life is debatable bt we could explore options fr this

people who work at no angels: no angels is her dad’s strip club in irving that she kind of helps to run now. it’s kind of a shifty environment. the place where ud have an outrageous bachelor party. u go for the first time w a fake id n u get served bt u also get ur wallet stolen n ur convinced someone spat in ur drink n u also kind of think there might b a hit on u now after u made eye contact too long w a broad shouldered man smoking in a back booth. scary environment. testament to her dad as a person. maybe ur muse is a dancer there or works the bar or security or whatever u name it....

ma’am are u ok?: ur muse found bradley passed out across two bus seats one time in smudged dark eyeliner a silver slip dress n the world’s chunkiest combat boots this town hs ever seen. sometimes she winds up in spots like this when she goes too hard n it’s absolutely dangerous n reckless bt that’s jst bradley <3 mayb they forged an unlikely friendship frm this strange meeting or maybe even? dare i say it? a romance? opposite worlds colliding? good influence? let’s go crazy. release ur inhibitions. feel the rain on ur skin.

hook-ups: bradley’s cavalier abt this stuff..... very unemotional typically..... mayb we cld do an unrequited thing that wld be angsty n fun altho i won’t lie i don’t kno if she’d be the one to catch the feelings.... she rarely sleeps over bt once when she woke up in someone’s bed she hiked over to straddle them carefully as possible so they wldn’t wake up n then pressed her knife to their neck as a fun little surprise where she said boo when they opened their eyes.... she’s a lot clearly.

watermelon slugger, hiiii: bradley has this habit where she gets a bunch of watermelons n then goes to a rooftop n throws them over the edge to watch them explode when they hit the pavement.... maybe ur muse almost got hit by one once n were like WTF???????? another quirky meet cute moment like the bus one <3 can’t stop w them <3 maybe she randomly invited ur muse to do it w her when they were like. a stranger of f the street. she was bored. decided to adopt them as a science experiment. we cn elaborate on this probably....

ouch charlie: similar territory bt she also sometimes shoots pedestrians w a bb gun from rooftops. mayb ur muse wld always get hit by one on a certain route they walked n finally one day they saw her head ducking down behind a ledge n then they see her in the street one day n are like HEY IT’S YOU............. WTF? n bradley’s like ya i’m christ risen again it’s a lot to take in i know...

rly jst anything... mutually destructive friends... exes.... in one rp a character tried to get close to bradley so he cld write an expose all book about her n her family which i found so fking funny so i’ll request that again.... people she’s fought.... ppl whose gf/bf she’s fk’d n it’s caused enemy status.... someone whose place she broke into and shaved their eyebrows off in the night only to draw them on again in crudely thin permanent sharpie lines.... roommates cld be fun n sexy i’d love that actually.... jst anything rly. go wild. kisses everyone tenderly on cheeks.

#irvingintro #abuse tw #missing person tw #implied murder tw #grief tw #hospitalisation tw #depression tw #drugs tw #death tw #i think tht's all of them....... cor blimey......

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